The Incomparable

226: Stop Circulating the Tapes


  the in Congress sponsored by General [TS]

  Motors people till the transportation [TS]

  the entire Imperial number 226 December [TS]

  welcome back to the uncomfortable [TS]

  everybody i'm your host Jason still we [TS]

  are here to talk about Star Wars this is [TS]

  the latest in our series of episodes [TS]

  detailing exciting things in the star [TS]

  wars universe and for those of you [TS]

  tuning in to listen to our incisive [TS]

  commentary of Star Wars Episode three [TS]

  hope [TS]

  well you're gonna have to wait until [TS]

  2015 because this is our episode about [TS]

  the star wars holiday special [TS]

  there I said it joining me tonight are [TS]

  be our third hour before n4l I think the [TS]

  Arthur can I the voice of james earl [TS]

  jones as Darth Vader very contagious and [TS]

  the following people do more'n I Jason I [TS]

  regret everything but happy life day [TS]

  after left life day Eric and sign I love [TS]

  Bea Arthur and Karen basis I i have [TS]

  nothing start I I thought about be [TS]

  Arthur we will get to them Steve works [TS]

  hello happy life day Jason or as we [TS]

  would he say they're not crap laughter [TS]

  yep [TS]

  David lure hello and happy life stages [TS]

  and Monty actually he's already beaten [TS]

  down i'm already gone he's a broken man [TS]

  Monty the force bless us everyone [TS]

  yeah Cody sindelar happy lefty Jason [TS]

  what's so happy about it and of course [TS]

  no conversation about star wars would be [TS]

  complete [TS]

  I cannot believe he's actually here it's [TS]

  john siracusa like r2d2 i will play [TS]

  myself haha it's a life day marico are [TS]

  you what it what is the deal with that [TS]

  we get Peter Mayhew is Chewbacca and r2 [TS]

  details are Daniel with c-3po and james [TS]

  earl jones is the voice of darth vader i [TS]

  think because it's a remote-controlled [TS]

  artis who else remote-controlled Darth [TS]

  Vader to they don't need Kenny Baker in [TS]

  this can every single shot just went [TS]

  shakes back and forth [TS]

  he's the one guy who had the standard it [TS]

  had didn't have it in this contract was [TS]

  first especially since all these Union [TS]

  ads running over the program you think [TS]

  they would have a little more respect [TS]

  for the screen actors guild have we all [TS]

  consider that that maybe Kenny Baker had [TS]

  the best lawyer among a wall model have [TS]

  take my name off this thing [TS]

  and Alan Smithee as Archie do i propose [TS]

  the people with the best lawyers are can [TS]

  be judged by the inverse to the number [TS]

  amount of screen time they have to let [TS]

  me explain something here that star wars [TS]

  holiday special aired in 1978 appeared [TS]

  once it was never seen again except for [TS]

  one thing [TS]

  m and and this is the thing is mr. a few [TS]

  years earlier before they were lots of [TS]

  people with VCRs it might have been [TS]

  successfully buried but as it was some [TS]

  people were like hey I like Star Wars [TS]

  i'll record it and those tapes got [TS]

  digitized and put on YouTube stopped [TS]

  circulating the tapes and you can find [TS]

  many places despite the fact that nobody [TS]

  wants you to see it [TS]

  those people are your friends however we [TS]

  all watched it did we all watch it [TS]

  people [TS]

  oh yes for this once i wish i could fake [TS]

  having watched it yeah in and now we're [TS]

  here to talk about it [TS]

  we're here to talk about the star wars [TS]

  holiday special aired in 1978 two hours [TS]

  long because you know most beloved [TS]

  holiday specials maybe a half-an-hour [TS]

  Charlie Brown special or something no [TS]

  two hours let's do tests only part of [TS]

  why there be love it and this is not had [TS]

  this been contract compressed down to 30 [TS]

  minutes it might be less nope little [TS]

  while if you take out all the footage [TS]

  from Star Wars it probably could be half [TS]

  an hour [TS]

  apparently we're supposed to be an hour [TS]

  but CBS was so excited by and all the [TS]

  advertisers are so excited by that they [TS]

  kept selling and time so they had to [TS]

  expand it the painting those people [TS]

  insisted anything to our union is no no [TS]

  she is listed on that plane capitalism [TS]

  yeah General Motors really really put [TS]

  their muscle behind it there [TS]

  international garment woman's garment [TS]

  you I can't even remember what the name [TS]

  of that title with international ladies [TS]

  garment union workers union look for the [TS]

  union was right not the men's garmin [TS]

  Union screw them ladies garment only [TS]

  yeah but the ladies garment union was [TS]

  run by a man if you recall him [TS]

  well it's 1970 women just got the vote I [TS]

  think when we retired to buying fruit of [TS]

  the looms Jason we lost the rails [TS]

  already i put forth that if we if we [TS]

  were if we had recalled if more people [TS]

  had seen this video and and were aware [TS]

  that this had been sponsored by General [TS]

  Motors we perhaps wouldn't have been [TS]

  quite so quick to bail them out 25 years [TS]

  back but Steve a built-in transportation [TS]

  people building transportation serve [TS]

  people it's also possible that if more [TS]

  people have seen this we would not have [TS]

  had any subsequent star wars movie it is [TS]

  it that is also possible yeah I I get [TS]

  the idea here which is like hey first [TS]

  off [TS]

  hey everybody we were caught flat-footed [TS]

  by the success of Star Wars and didn't [TS]

  even have toys for last Christmas so [TS]

  this year we're not going to make any [TS]

  mistakes we're gonna have toys [TS]

  everywhere that I you know that our been [TS]

  unfortunately all you did was make [TS]

  mistakes and and we're gonna do a [TS]

  holiday special and we're gonna cash in [TS]

  john sarkissian do you have an opening [TS]

  statement by the way because we should [TS]

  get that out of the way now I do I mean [TS]

  it could just be just will be a closing [TS]

  statement [TS]

  really it's just a statement statement [TS]

  its brief here we go it until this [TS]

  podcast Jason I had intentionally never [TS]

  watch 10 [TS]

  well I knew what it was here yeah 3 i've [TS]

  heard people talk about it I'd seen a [TS]

  few clips but I had never watched the [TS]

  entire thing I why would i right [TS]

  and so if you're a star Wars fan and [TS]

  you're considering watching star wars [TS]

  holiday special like ironically thinking [TS]

  maybe a funny way to spend an evening [TS]

  with some friends [TS]

  my advice to you is to stop now turn [TS]

  that it myself supplies just two people [TS]

  like if you get her so well no I think [TS]

  it's gonna start for Taylor because the [TS]

  star wars holiday special is plenty [TS]

  worthy of ridicule but it's also boring [TS]

  incoherent and most importantly if you [TS]

  are a star wars fan it will hurt you it [TS]

  will reach down into deep secret places [TS]

  inside you and stab him with a thousand [TS]

  tiny lightsabers and if this pods and [TS]

  strategy to make a range of the system [TS]

  better when we watch it next year i [TS]

  gotta say i think it might actually work [TS]

  I guess it's bad enough to make Star [TS]

  Wars bad we all knew stars could be made [TS]

  bad but to make it boring to John's [TS]

  point I think he's the greatest crime [TS]

  well they manage it later with episode 2 [TS]

  that's for sure yeah that's definitely [TS]

  this is this is this is just the first [TS]

  inkling of that two hours two hours [TS]

  I didn't know it was two hours when I [TS]

  saw the little yellow number of the time [TS]

  stamp at the at the end of the little [TS]

  progress bar wanna watch this on my [TS]

  computer at the foreboding timestamp [TS]

  business I was like are you kidding me [TS]

  yeah I had queued up the key was an hour [TS]

  half and that would that turned out that [TS]

  i had to skip through some of the [TS]

  commercials commercials are the best [TS]

  part [TS]

  sorry advertiser's you're not getting my [TS]

  money GM yes if you have you if you must [TS]

  watch this and you anywhere live in the [TS]

  seventies the commercials are the only [TS]

  redeeming value i want some of me yeah [TS]

  well I had to skip through to make it on [TS]

  time I to have a quick opening statement [TS]

  ok Steve I think it's important for the [TS]

  for the young people in the crowd who [TS]

  may not have been alive in the nineteen [TS]

  seventies to put this show in context a [TS]

  little bit in the seventies to his place [TS]

  too [TS]

  well you have to understand that in the [TS]

  nineteen seventies a show like this [TS]

  meeting a variety show with awful [TS]

  sketches and I awful music and and and [TS]

  just strung together by some completely [TS]

  half-ass framing device was very very [TS]

  common these shows were all over the [TS]

  Nile in 1978 and in the course of the [TS]

  show alone if you if you watch the one [TS]

  with the commercials you see I [TS]

  advertising for Lucy comes to Nashville [TS]

  and Bobby Vinton rock and rollers it's [TS]

  like grease on wheels with special [TS]

  guests Penny Marshall yeah it was in [TS]

  Greece already [TS]

  ya know it's like those wheels on other [TS]

  wheels monte rio yeah are you defending [TS]

  this because you're in one of these [TS]

  things just wait a minute every week [TS]

  Donny and Marie would come out in in all [TS]

  of their resplendent Mormon glory and [TS]

  saying and my skate and this is just [TS]

  this is what we watched in the seventies [TS]

  so it's really i mean this particular [TS]

  type of show is not that unusual that [TS]

  said it is it is honestly a little bit [TS]

  are inspiring how badly they managed to [TS]

  screw the pooch with this i'm not even [TS]

  mad the stupid is kind of impressive [TS]

  Star Wars was basically a world [TS]

  obsession at the time this thing came [TS]

  out they had a huge amount of goodwill [TS]

  behind them and then they had that the [TS]

  whole rich star wars universe to work [TS]

  with and then even setting aside the [TS]

  possibility that they could only get a [TS]

  couple of hours with the Star Wars [TS]

  actors total you would be hard-pressed [TS]

  to find more ways to fill the remaining [TS]

  time you know what no star wars fan was [TS]

  asking for in 1978 i can name a few [TS]

  things are recorded and drag Diahann [TS]

  Carroll Abby Arthur modal nodes mashup [TS]

  is one of them you know [TS]

  r Kearney humiliating himself rehash [TS]

  decades-old stick was definitely on the [TS]

  list of things no star wars fan was [TS]

  asking for bizarrely animated Canadian [TS]

  cartoons by the people who brought you [TS]

  the care bears [TS]

  you're welcome and certainly not a full [TS]

  45 minutes of wookies waving their arms [TS]

  around and going got yep not a soul was [TS]

  asking over this so so I think will will [TS]

  step through what what is here but I at [TS]

  the top is something that kept when [TS]

  Lauren and I were watching this that we [TS]

  know that kept coming up is why why [TS]

  would you choose of the central point of [TS]

  your holiday special of all people to [TS]

  choose [TS]

  why would you choose the alien race that [TS]

  is just a big furball that can't speak [TS]

  Jason easy because then you'd have to [TS]

  write a script [TS]

  hey they can speak man they just don't [TS]

  speak English you racist we just can't [TS]

  understand them [TS]

  that's a good point for point canada now [TS]

  leads to points21 i believe that was [TS]

  unfortunately George Lucas's idea and [TS]

  contribution to this [TS]

  yes before before the show even starts I [TS]

  got a point out its its its first crime [TS]

  if you've watched the new WHIO transfer [TS]

  of this thing which is in in much better [TS]

  shape than the other ones that have come [TS]

  out you discovered that the first crime [TS]

  of this thing was that it preempted [TS]

  Wonder Woman and the incredible i know i [TS]

  know far better hours of television than [TS]

  what this turned out to be I kind of [TS]

  object the idea of watching it on a good [TS]

  transfer this thing is only value when [TS]

  it had one was that it was on a terrible [TS]

  12th generation VHS tape that you had to [TS]

  buy from the sketchy booth at the back [TS]

  of the comic book convention it did [TS]

  remind me a little bit of my old days of [TS]

  watching Doctor Who off of you know PS [TS]

  recordings on BP yeah when you have to [TS]

  work for it was something but so oh I [TS]

  don't actually have an opening statement [TS]

  but i would like to sort of characterize [TS]

  my comments here I i watched it for the [TS]

  first time yesterday and i'm using the [TS]

  word watched kind of loosely because it [TS]

  happened you were there i was told that [TS]

  it was bad [TS]

  and so i decided i would i would need a [TS]

  little assistance to get through it and [TS]

  that assistance was from a fellow named [TS]

  jameson yes and he assisted quite a lot [TS]

  but he's a very helpful you know you and [TS]

  your husband you hear you had your [TS]

  husband watch this with you to [TS]

  Stephenville with you do yes [TS]

  so I'm bring it work we're bringing [TS]

  families together and and you're still [TS]

  married [TS]

  yeah so far obviously I think we're [TS]

  closer than ever after tax liens [TS]

  together [TS]

  well like any great tragedy psychic [TS]

  trauma and bonds that when it's like [TS]

  going through war together so I i did [TS]

  spend a good amount of time tweeting [TS]

  about it i think i'm a Storify all my [TS]

  tweets just spooking them later for [TS]

  later um and I think if i had been [TS]

  sitting there watching it sober and and [TS]

  being forced to pay close attention to [TS]

  it i would be very very angry but in the [TS]

  end it ended up being classified so [TS]

  thanks Jason oh you're welcome you're [TS]

  very welcome [TS]

  hey next time just just try drinking [TS]

  without the Star Wars Holiday Special [TS]

  it's much better it's gonna be yeah yeah [TS]

  my opening statement is why Jason why do [TS]

  you hate this [TS]

  this concludes my opening statement well [TS]

  okay thank you [TS]

  I I it's not it's a because it's a it's [TS]

  a holiday season life day is coming up [TS]

  and I thought this would be an [TS]

  appropriate since the wharf life day [TS]

  present ever it you know it's also the [TS]

  best so shouldn't life Davey [TS]

  thanksgiving that Christmas thing you're [TS]

  November all right maybe I I'm sometimes [TS]

  about life day but we'll get to hold you [TS]

  perhaps they're not that good together [TS]

  don't get excited so at the beginning we [TS]

  after the sponsor logo we get the the [TS]

  what I really love the circle with the [TS]

  cast being read out by very ponderously [TS]

  by a narrator that's really good classic [TS]

  on the Star Wars Holiday Special [TS]

  Harrison Ford as hard solo by the way at [TS]

  this point i want to point out it as [TS]

  part of my opening statement that [TS]

  although John siracusa has never seen [TS]

  the Star Wars Holiday Special before all [TS]

  of his his strategy in our TV draft or [TS]

  character draft was based around this [TS]

  particular version of Han Solo being [TS]

  drafted by him [TS]

  so an inversion of console it is hands [TS]

  all played by the same actor [TS]

  yeah you might be right behind the same [TS]

  people so in every episode of John's [TS]

  made up TV show han Solo is really just [TS]

  trying to hug Chewbacca that is what's [TS]

  in the same way that they had the same [TS]

  accurately the same character in a [TS]

  different movie say empire strikes back [TS]

  he didn't have that Congress is it legal [TS]

  to pick a guy for your TV draft when you [TS]

  haven't even seen the thing i think this [TS]

  invalidates has showed me that you don't [TS]

  have to watch the shows that's not a [TS]

  rule [TS]

  ok we're doing all the traffic over [TS]

  again the whole podcast is invalidated i [TS]

  think i think there's nothing now this [TS]

  podcast never existed [TS]

  we have to delete everything going back [TS]

  to the happening what I think walkies [TS]

  don't exist after the show their cookies [TS]

  are fictional sorry [TS]

  yet they actually don't exist John so my [TS]

  first note here is as we as we visit uh [TS]

  the planet of the wookies kishka chic is [TS]

  that right yeah although they can't [TS]

  pronounce it in the show that's for sure [TS]

  because it is 0 what does a good [TS]

  economically kazoo that nothing made me [TS]

  more angry [TS]

  yeah a-and Han and Chewie are trying to [TS]

  get back flying dangerously through lots [TS]

  of stock footage from the previous movie [TS]

  and she only said by the way before we [TS]

  go of course be and we pass up the whole [TS]

  kazoo thing generally the script [TS]

  actually contained gazook map so it's [TS]

  it's possible that that was the original [TS]

  name of that was playing it was racist [TS]

  who couldn't pronounce it properly [TS]

  oh that brings up an interesting point [TS]

  before making any contacts thing what [TS]

  was the budget for this like was it just [TS]

  they were they were they didn't have [TS]

  enough money for someone to like it [TS]

  wasn't high enough it seems like it must [TS]

  have been Biggs is two hours televisions [TS]

  got its got name actor he was like [TS]

  karaoke three lucky suits and i think [TS]

  yes I sets I'm but like but anyway like [TS]

  they didn't have enough budget to check [TS]

  the spelling and pronunciation of the [TS]

  wiki home planet [TS]

  what did it have a name at this point [TS]

  maybe this was the first instance of of [TS]

  the use of the name of the planet it's [TS]

  supposedly the first use of it yeah yeah [TS]

  my own ikazuchi my googling of it had [TS]

  turned up a comment on wikipedia which [TS]

  said they do pronounce it cos ook in the [TS]

  star wars holiday special which is [TS]

  canonical so we should probably consider [TS]

  that [TS]

  haha isn't that interesting status of [TS]

  the sad like my ass [TS]

  interesting interesting that Dan was [TS]

  quoting from a translation of wikipedia [TS]

  by the way the original page just 10 [TS]

  quick question in the opening opening [TS]

  circles with the announcement was that [TS]

  when we we saw that we were going to be [TS]

  seeing Chewbacca's wife and father and [TS]

  son and his wife mother yes that's what [TS]

  i thought because my brother Richie mice [TS]

  my first note and his son love my baby [TS]

  is just the word lumpy in capital [TS]

  letters with ? yeah and again Lucas [TS]

  apparently named them that does not [TS]

  surprise me and itchy you skipped right [TS]

  over itchy and went to lumpy George [TS]

  Lucas is not known for naming things [TS]

  well know or are it later in later [TS]

  editions for he lets his kid [TS]

  yeah he lets his kid's name things and [TS]

  some of the prequels to which also [TS]

  doesn't go perfectly well i think the [TS]

  leaves later writers have given them [TS]

  longer name so it she is short for [TS]

  something the way chewy is short for to [TS]

  makkah ya h baba yeah lucky but i'm sure [TS]

  that that is technically a better name [TS]

  so Erica and the same at that same point [TS]

  in the special my note is poor Chewbacca [TS]

  this is where he gets all of his [TS]

  character background in this this is it [TS]

  this is your time to shine to bacha oh [TS]

  sorry i was thinking they were labeling [TS]

  it was kind of an absentee father and I [TS]

  because he's never there like he's [TS]

  always off doing things he's got this [TS]

  family back home and like they're [TS]

  looking at this picture is stare [TS]

  longingly it is holographic picture and [TS]

  this is why haha yeah you know he'll be [TS]

  home for Christmas son he never misses a [TS]

  Christmas every other day of the year [TS]

  yes but exactly i mean would would you [TS]

  go back if your entire life with the [TS]

  star wars holiday special [TS]

  I don't in fact there's a moment when [TS]

  Hans like okay hey Chewie I i hugged [TS]

  your hugs your friends and your family [TS]

  and now i'm going to go back to the [TS]

  millennium bulk see ya [TS]

  I'm like you're like you're like family [TS]

  to you why don't you stay and eat p [TS]

  whatever turkey metha wrap and they have [TS]

  really bad as a delicious the hallway [TS]

  after different planet sure you can have [TS]

  a stuffed man that you can actually have [TS]

  one with stuffing in it there's a [TS]

  versatile creature i would like to point [TS]

  out that if your option is hanging out [TS]

  with [TS]

  cancel the morning fucking or living [TS]

  under imperial rule 13 you know angry [TS]

  family moving a raffle Clark anything [TS]

  else is going back and now brief break [TS]

  to tell you about one of our sponsors in [TS]

  song this Carol is brought to you by [TS]

  igloo software visit igloo [TS]

  / incomparable to learn about igloo the [TS]

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  based and drag-and-drop based so you'll [TS]

  have no problem Brandon configuring it [TS]

  dreamy you is just like the tools i use [TS]

  oh where the common glisten [TS]

  and your ma says listen as you share [TS]

  this Santa work from home [TS]

  I dream of Israel with everybody that I [TS]

  ride Maydays be productive and bra [TS]

  we have been intranet you'll actual ly [TS]

  ly so go visit igloo / [TS]

  incomparable and thank you to a clue for [TS]

  that lovely song with those singers [TS]

  really good voices so anyway there's a [TS]

  point where where Han is like I you're [TS]

  like family to me but I'm out of here [TS]

  see you later and he's an enemy because [TS]

  I gotta go [TS]

  I didn't I park the Millennium Falcon a [TS]

  yellow curb I gotta get it i gotta go [TS]

  and then and then there's a moment where [TS]

  Shuba Chewbacca after like a minute in [TS]

  the room starts like facing the door and [TS]

  I thought no is he is he just gonna [TS]

  leave now too he's like well as the i'm [TS]

  already back in my shots between him and [TS]

  his wife where they keep panning to one [TS]

  and then the other and then they'll turn [TS]

  your lights on express uh I gotta go [TS]

  the result of that is the end up [TS]

  sniffing each other which is even more i [TS]

  didn't have the animatronics to do a [TS]

  kiss the very very first shot we got of [TS]

  the wookies actually my husband Stephen [TS]

  had tried to watch this before and he [TS]

  thought he got about three minutes into [TS]

  it before we gave up and it is a time [TS]

  this tensor watching the opening credits [TS]

  and stuff the very first shot we get of [TS]

  the wookies just sort of yelling at each [TS]

  other across this room with grass on the [TS]

  floor he goes yeah this is pretty close [TS]

  to where I baby but it's like grass it's [TS]

  shag carpeting thing with the Wookiee [TS]

  vocalizes they're not the same as the [TS]

  movie will get mean I guess maybe that's [TS]

  just me but they're there and I light [TS]

  actually you are annoying [TS]

  they're more just straight-up animal [TS]

  noises like they're just better choices [TS]

  out there but some of them are layer use [TS]

  some of them are we used to bacha stuff [TS]

  but Lumpy's was just incomprehensible [TS]

  it's unpleasant it's unpleasant to [TS]

  listen to the eyes in the 1p costume [TS]

  comparable and put up pics advice right [TS]

  before the worst instance of [TS]

  walkie-talkie and this is when molly is [TS]

  watching her cooking show and Harvey [TS]

  Korman in blackface and drags and no and [TS]

  model response room [TS]

  ok we'll get a look at them but we're [TS]

  still in the opening credits on one [TS]

  point of interest Arthur Art Carney [TS]

  Diahann Carroll jefferson starship and I [TS]

  thought that's perfect casting starship [TS]

  there's a starship in the movie [TS]

  an airplane forget it no no or just [TS]

  starship I guess that might even be [TS]

  better because then there would be no [TS]

  Jefferson Harvey Korman an animated [TS]

  story that introduces boba fett the [TS]

  hilarious thing about that opening [TS]

  narration is the window guy introduces [TS]

  the cartoon which is the last thing on [TS]

  his list of things he's talking about [TS]

  yeah he sounds confused about the [TS]

  cartoon and I'm are doing the animated [TS]

  orange the now Jason when you went [TS]

  through the opening credits you made the [TS]

  same mistake the producers of the show [TS]

  made you skipped the star wars people [TS]

  well yeah this they also has Mark Hamill [TS]

  and Carrie Fisher sort of for trying [TS]

  area at that and r2 as himself yeah and [TS]

  the voice of james earl jones as darth [TS]

  vader and Peter making bad for Kenny [TS]

  Baker and David Prowse but you know he [TS]

  doesn't get a credit no need David I'm [TS]

  but it was not David Prowse under there [TS]

  are you kidding it was it was a it was [TS]

  footage from the star wars film with no [TS]

  you're Jerry whatever with dubbed in [TS]

  viet downright asking about a budget [TS]

  there's so much we use footage and yeah [TS]

  just anytime they could they did it they [TS]

  could use more [TS]

  yeah i got the whole movie yeah you [TS]

  really just 50 out here like I could [TS]

  have dealt with it a lot better [TS]

  like remember back when we you know ya [TS]

  do hope well that last weekend we did we [TS]

  do have these star wars as seen from [TS]

  Chewbacca's perspective flashes totally [TS]

  nonsense outside of his body [TS]

  respectively [TS]

  remember that time we walked into like [TS]

  you know the place working partnership [TS]

  good times the accurate timely members [TS]

  that old guy and he died and i scared [TS]

  that now stroyed that was huge and I [TS]

  remember that time that that little [TS]

  alien ran underneath the legs epic hairy [TS]

  guy but I wasn't actually there but I [TS]

  remember when we told me about it [TS]

  remember that time of the millennium [TS]

  falcon flying but as seen from outside [TS]

  the Millennium Falcon [TS]

  yeah when you're in the middle any [TS]

  important you spend a lot of time [TS]

  thinking I bet this looks really cool [TS]

  from outside so so what we visit the [TS]

  Wookiee home and there's a there's a [TS]

  matte painting and it's we linger on it [TS]

  for a very long time entire thing they [TS]

  get their money's worth out of that [TS]

  painting and it looks which looks like I [TS]

  don't even know what like like a [TS]

  cutscene from the Superfriends or [TS]

  something it's just it's not even it's [TS]

  not even really mad pain [TS]

  it's a brown space mountain stacked on [TS]

  top of an upside-down brown space [TS]

  mountain [TS]

  yeah not actually version of the Ewok [TS]

  village yeah and the cookies are doing [TS]

  wiki things but there's still a sort of [TS]

  human-like bowl of cookies out which I [TS]

  thought was interesting that they have a [TS]

  hard time you know picking up the [TS]

  cookies because they got the big cookie [TS]

  hands and I noted to myself I i like the [TS]

  wookies I always was predisposed to like [TS]

  the walkies because we met you baka and [TS]

  he's a very friendly kind of character [TS]

  and as this went on for a few minutes I [TS]

  thought I now do not like the wiki so [TS]

  much know the terrible terrible terrible [TS]

  they're not cute [TS]

  they're annoying and like i have in my [TS]

  notes seven minutes in and still just [TS]

  terrible people grunting at me and suits [TS]

  you know while get while he gets praised [TS]

  for its 30 brands of dialogue list [TS]

  beginning it is considered a masterpiece [TS]

  well you know the star wars holiday [TS]

  special after spawn and Chewie are on [TS]

  the screen we get we get like that's a [TS]

  network TV show from the seventies where [TS]

  there's like 10 minutes we're all there [TS]

  are hairy people in like hair suits [TS]

  grunting and there's no dialogue [TS]

  the only thing worse than the dialogue [TS]

  in this is the wac dialogue [TS]

  Thank You Oscar while [TS]

  yeah I have one in my notes in my notes [TS]

  watching for the first time I have a [TS]

  thing that says extended wookie families [TS]

  really this is what i'm getting at [TS]

  something to and then like seven minutes [TS]

  later have another note that says okay I [TS]

  thought it was ridiculously extended [TS]

  several minutes ago and now i think i've [TS]

  taken bad acid they could have at least [TS]

  hired shields and Yarnell or something [TS]

  to like be interesting mines in wiki [TS]

  suits but they didn't even go that fire [TS]

  you guys you really see the special [TS]

  edition of the holiday special with your [TS]

  vacuum it made it the way he really [TS]

  always wanted to be in and there's a lot [TS]

  more hayden christensen the Wookiee the [TS]

  Wookiee household is really really [TS]

  depressing to I mean that the lighting [TS]

  is dim the flooring apparently was laid [TS]

  by the same people that make miniature [TS]

  golf course [TS]

  yes I thought that doesn't make any [TS]

  sense for a jungle like like thick green [TS]

  carpeting and carpeting it's a 70 is [TS]

  coming but it's but if they're in the [TS]

  jungle it's gonna like soaked in [TS]

  moisture like that smell worse than 2i [TS]

  like that the whole thing looks like [TS]

  Archie Bunker Bunker's living [TS]

  speaking of soaking in moisture there is [TS]

  no toilet in em [TS]

  it's in the Wookiee household know [TS]

  there's a good chance it's gonna get a [TS]

  struggling outside everybody location [TS]

  the words but if it's not a carpet it's [TS]

  just the result of wookies molting and [TS]

  then that all growing up over it [TS]

  that is more terrifying on the idea of [TS]

  the smelly carpet also that the decor in [TS]

  this house is really inconsistent you [TS]

  you expect the Wookiee house to be like [TS]

  all carved out of the tree and there's [TS]

  there's like this natural wood table [TS]

  that does look like it was hacked right [TS]

  off the side of an oak and then there [TS]

  are all these shiny engineered hardwood [TS]

  flooring and and honey oak modular [TS]

  bookcase units that look like they came [TS]

  from wiki ikea its Imperial technology [TS]

  Steve but that's what they brought to [TS]

  the cookies when they took when they [TS]

  took them over and crush them under [TS]

  their tyrannical boot is a is a [TS]

  flat-pack furniture and confronted by [TS]

  the way from its from wikia looking [TS]

  yeah thank you very good very good [TS]

  that's really shameful of the Empire to [TS]

  name the store after that long creepy [TS]

  dad isn't it is that where r Kearney [TS]

  works [TS]

  yeah it pretty much is so so after five [TS]

  minutes of that in my notes I just wrote [TS]

  let the walkies win back in my notes I [TS]

  have one that the kid would be when mr. [TS]

  lumpy was walking on the banister [TS]

  outside and the devil blues seven-shot i [TS]

  just have oh please follow please no let [TS]

  the wookies die that's foreshadowing [TS]

  there's no explanation for it though I'm [TS]

  walks on it you're like oh my god he [TS]

  might follow my fault and then they cut [TS]

  back and like later on it's like I'm [TS]

  back in on it is to show that they're [TS]

  terrible parents they don't pay [TS]

  attention to those kids you this is [TS]

  special is not about explanations no i [TS]

  watch this with my kids and both of them [TS]

  I mean after grad 10 minutes of this the [TS]

  the older one said no why are we [TS]

  watching this against I'm real a [TS]

  fabulous and any said I'm going to have [TS]

  to question all of you people's life [TS]

  choices [TS]

  ok that's what like days like today is [TS]

  all about that's right and so it gets to [TS]

  the point where he's we're Lumpy's [TS]

  walking on the the thing and he's [TS]

  sitting there going [TS]

  fall fall fall lumpy is not made or not [TS]

  personable he doesn't make you like him [TS]

  and you know after this like what seven [TS]

  or eight minutes of just seeing these [TS]

  people grunt and wandering around the [TS]

  house that I'm not interested in it [TS]

  occurred to me that you know but [TS]

  sometimes we joke the Lucas doesn't know [TS]

  what was good about Star Wars [TS]

  this thing looks like it was made by [TS]

  someone who doesn't know what star wars [TS]

  I don't think they'd see no I think this [TS]

  is a variety show producers that land or [TS]

  sea star wars no advice and decided as a [TS]

  warning stars go the hilarious thing is [TS]

  nobody else in the house like slumpy [TS]

  either every time to the room [TS]

  grandpa I tries to bite him his mom's [TS]

  yelling Adams now I call everybody just [TS]

  hates that kid have you looked at the [TS]

  credits for the screenwriters for this [TS]

  thing the others financing like seven [TS]

  people took like one of them is Bruce [TS]

  Vilanch original answered some work [TS]

  there's Pat proft who wrote real genius [TS]

  and of Oh Jason college academy and [TS]

  bring donors and make a gun naked gun [TS]

  yeah yeah so here's a question I just [TS]

  have a question here at the guy when the [TS]

  wookies don't seem to really go in for [TS]

  the whole close things except for aprons [TS]

  aprons aprons and bandoliers must be [TS]

  able to get better i want to get Berra [TS]

  for dirty you don't want flower in your [TS]

  first but you know what I was really [TS]

  concerned about the quality of the for [TS]

  the food and fur in that I felt like she [TS]

  needed more than hairnet like like a [TS]

  hand I got here if humans need a hairnet [TS]

  what is a whoopie need to prepare for [TS]

  the body not bodystocking oh yeah like [TS]

  our net like I know that there was there [TS]

  was some arm hair going right into that [TS]

  too that that's that's what makes it [TS]

  flavor [TS]

  oh maybe that's part of a Wookiee is [TS]

  healthy diet [TS]

  yeah it's fiber any way different [TS]

  computer is checking for starships in [TS]

  range which leads to it Luke popping up [TS]

  and say oh hi i didn't see you there [TS]

  I'm just here fixing my x-wing or [TS]

  something with my orange suit on that [TS]

  computer that runs a is basically an [TS]

  atari 2600 first yell and has for [TS]

  special effects will know it's it's [TS]

  running a color demo soft from the Apple [TS]

  to start matter do you view it takes [TS]

  forever for anything to display on that [TS]

  because that's the run through that [TS]

  crazy animation that's gotta finish the [TS]

  game of snake [TS]

  no sorry that screensaver I recognize it [TS]

  was it was on the disk that came bundled [TS]

  with my Apple 2 plus yeah when Luke [TS]

  shows up it really feels like his bit [TS]

  was recorded on a separate day [TS]

  at gunpoint that's what was shocking to [TS]

  me and actually shows up at the end you [TS]

  realize they had mark hamill the whole [TS]

  time and said it was the star of the [TS]

  movie or something ab get the kids will [TS]

  be fine just give him one seen at the [TS]

  beginning and make sure he wears [TS]

  eyeliner eyeliner are lots of America [TS]

  Atlanta eyeliner and pancake makeup [TS]

  yes yeah well I think it's the way they [TS]

  work with this after his accident it's [TS]

  what I was reacting is ready to look at [TS]

  its face and it does look like they've [TS]

  wiped his nose looks fake and his hair [TS]

  got into an accident too i think that [TS]

  was probably it was called the eighties [TS]

  if it's that's clearly a wig I don't [TS]

  know yeah I think that's not Israeli at [TS]

  some point he looked straight into the [TS]

  camera and I think he's blinking [TS]

  something in Morse code and I don't like [TS]

  it was as painful as it was to watch the [TS]

  wookies when Luke appears that's the [TS]

  first big step your heart because you [TS]

  can't deny now that this is actual [TS]

  legitimate star wars he appears on the [TS]

  screen like no it's true it's really [TS]

  true [TS]

  it said how much worse he isn't this [TS]

  that he is when he appears on the Muppet [TS]

  Show in a couple years [TS]

  well I don't you can't blame all the [TS]

  time mark hamill either I mean he's [TS]

  clearly be he's clearly hostage here [TS]

  well you know he's good he and he's just [TS]

  given a dialogue to make excuses for Han [TS]

  and Chewie I got ya asteroid storm held [TS]

  them up don't think machine he hasn't [TS]

  missed a life day yet and i agree that [TS]

  whoever said he was recorded separately [TS]

  like this is clearly he has nothing to [TS]

  talk to like this is basically precise [TS]

  doing the whole like episode 1 prequels [TS]

  thing where it's like all right you're [TS]

  basically acting it's a blue screen [TS]

  right here so just give us some wine is [TS]

  that it was an episode of lassie but [TS]

  last he's not there [TS]

  yeah any hands up and i like that that [TS]

  when he hangs up the TV loses reception [TS]

  as if he's he's like you gotta hit the [TS]

  side of it to get it back in focus like [TS]

  that's a strange way to hang up off of [TS]

  the slot machine or whatever it is that [TS]

  they're watching him on because it looks [TS]

  like a way you skipped over the the [TS]

  attempt to entertain lumpy with the baby [TS]

  30 tape the circus Olay the previous pay [TS]

  an overview of the galaxy [TS]

  you're not gonna but that's the first [TS]

  time you know like so this is where [TS]

  we're at with this thing [TS]

  it's gonna be you see the table the tape [TS]

  deck sticking out of it and then these [TS]

  guys start dancing on it and it's your [TS]

  first sign that did they didn't have [TS]

  this diagnosis back then but i'm pretty [TS]

  sure lumpy as a DVD so the table the [TS]

  tape deck they're basically you can play [TS]

  the chest where the monsters attack each [TS]

  other or you can have dancers in [TS]

  brightly colored leotards jump around [TS]

  while a strange like clown monster watch [TS]

  them so Universalists right now I'm [TS]

  pretty much Liberace would watch this [TS]

  thing and say Jesus that's flammable ya [TS]

  know that little over-the-top costumes [TS]

  by Bob Mackie yes thank god it has the [TS]

  cutting edge technology of cassette [TS]

  tapes though because I think this might [TS]

  be a trap has a press record on all of [TS]

  them at once raining raining plan both [TS]

  reading reading Randy wearing MOPP bolt [TS]

  that's good music that it was really [TS]

  good music it's true so I that we go to [TS]

  the trading post which is a manned by [TS]

  tvs edward norton from the honeymooners [TS]

  Art Carney sand an trader he's got many [TS]

  interesting objects including a [TS]

  pocket-sized aquarium that at that I [TS]

  thought he was more professional than [TS]

  most of the other people they're actors [TS]

  it up to this point I was religiously [TS]

  someone actually putting his standard [TS]

  amount of effort into it is obviously at [TS]

  also speaking English throne you have no [TS]

  idea what the people in addition to [TS]

  standard level of effort is yeah the guy [TS]

  with the Imperial officers and they [TS]

  might have just been extras but crew [TS]

  members however there are ways around [TS]

  that day [TS]

  yeah that's the answer in those crazy [TS]

  trippy boots was a doing a great job [TS]

  oh yeah they were putting it all out [TS]

  there yeah they can put it right back [TS]

  kids looked at Art Carney and they they [TS]

  go ladies wearing a vest is is that [TS]

  consoles dad the same thing within five [TS]

  minutes at and Norton is on solos dad [TS]

  has never addressed directly also with [TS]

  the one thing that his store does not [TS]

  apparently cell is buttons for his shirt [TS]

  yeah i can maybe do know maybe by one [TS]

  button for the store [TS]

  this is one save us well i figured when [TS]

  he's living among the bookies perhaps [TS]

  you just asked feels like he has to show [TS]

  off the chest hair is like I'm free to [TS]

  its ok well he does have a thing for [TS]

  chilis wife i think we see that later [TS]

  oh yeah it's a little girl yeah [TS]

  I think he has a thing for anything she [TS]

  missed she has needs [TS]

  yeah and he and she was down around so [TS]

  we don't know anything about how how the [TS]

  cookies conduct this part of their lives [TS]

  well we know he's substantially less [TS]

  hairy thanks to his lack of shirt [TS]

  buttons so maybe she's in good possible [TS]

  my favorite thing in his little store is [TS]

  is he's showing the the imperial soldier [TS]

  in the groomer and he explains that you [TS]

  can recharge it by plugging it into any [TS]

  ordinary laser outlet [TS]

  yes so now you know it's a space thing [TS]

  because you're lame just knowing your [TS]

  timer it probably costs space dollars to [TS]

  your credits credits ok but the [TS]

  Imperials just take it and his face USB [TS]

  port i did not understand why that guy [TS]

  was there wearing that hat it was like [TS]

  that's a descargar he's lost he's so [TS]

  lots of cash is not regulation and [TS]

  that's what he needs the groomer for so [TS]

  these Imperial guys try to try to [TS]

  basically put forward the theory that [TS]

  why the Empire as bad as because it's [TS]

  full of grumpy people like it's just [TS]

  their own a bad mood and their little [TS]

  bit rude a little bit grumpy like all [TS]

  them to and to remember all the [TS]

  Imperials are just like you're not a [TS]

  very pleasant person you don't need to [TS]

  be like that you should be just sit down [TS]

  and watch starship videos from time to [TS]

  time that all we have you done the only [TS]

  things i like from a star wars [TS]

  standpoint about this holiday special [TS]

  which is we see the Empire actually [TS]

  being bad [TS]

  yes a storm into people's houses there's [TS]

  a curfew [TS]

  we don't actually get any of that in the [TS]

  movies they just start off saying [TS]

  there's an empire empires are bad this [TS]

  guy has a weird head and put on the [TS]

  rebellion they mispronounced like planet [TS]

  names like those just inconsiderate [TS]

  I think Monty makes a great point here I [TS]

  the same thought which is in the movies [TS]

  you very rarely see like regular people [TS]

  who are under the boot of the Empire and [TS]

  why the Empire's bad it's awful evil to [TS]

  tell me did local planet days well they [TS]

  wanted to but we never saw the [TS]

  day-to-day impact right we're always [TS]

  with the rebels on their bassist your [TS]

  unalterable or-or-or we're on Tatooine [TS]

  which is on the fringes right so the [TS]

  point is that is true however Monty i [TS]

  would i would submit that showing the [TS]

  cruel totalitarian regime is not [TS]

  necessarily what you want in your kid [TS]

  theme holidays but [TS]

  they were barely totalitarian they were [TS]

  just like like mostly just in a bad mood [TS]

  and cable show head-on and stops Bamford [TS]

  yeah resin saying like this they're more [TS]

  like a high school bullies [TS]

  yeah Jason would you please identify for [TS]

  me the part of this that you think [TS]

  should be shown in your holiday it is [TS]

  Harold scene because the weird thing is [TS]

  that even the Imperial soldiers are [TS]

  oppressed they periodically have to take [TS]

  a break during their day and watch video [TS]

  of the Arthur singing again we'll get [TS]

  we'll get there I'm i did want to point [TS]

  out at norton I mean our current lease [TS]

  secret code [TS]

  yeah probably is that your shaggy carpet [TS]

  is on its way and I was just in my hand [TS]

  solo wink wink all were enduring and he [TS]

  has to like this just this just terrible [TS]

  it's fun you know what we're going [TS]

  through here and then to do that [TS]

  unnecessary I I'm Bruce Vilanch for that [TS]

  and he has to go to the effort of saying [TS]

  did you get my message [TS]

  we got your message but yeah got it I [TS]

  know what you wanted she uh what next [TS]

  year cuz we're getting close to a [TS]

  commercial break now [TS]

  sweet a way don't forget we did see the [TS]

  scene where the redub scene where Darth [TS]

  Vader yes walks next to be out for [TS]

  example i can still figure out what's [TS]

  going on there exactly but the terrible [TS]

  dubbing from the guy is the officer [TS]

  standing next to him none of which [TS]

  matches left [TS]

  well no because it's just a scene out of [TS]

  Star Wars he's saying we analyze the [TS]

  attacks are there may be a danger may [TS]

  not everybody was saying that [TS]

  yeah it's coming from the Wookiee planet [TS]

  this is right about the time that i [TS]

  finished my first strange how you held [TS]

  out that early yet you got a long way to [TS]

  go at like 12 minutes and now you're [TS]

  pacing yourself two hours long [TS]

  she's got to do it so next we get the [TS]

  cooking bit i believe how much no no [TS]

  it's Iowa I know what you wanted she I [TS]

  don't know we got the cooking first [TS]

  yeah it's the cooking bit i'm not your [TS]

  right yeah then we have a hundred [TS]

  corpsman wearing the Triforce cooking [TS]

  with weird Harvey Korman and all the [TS]

  hand it he has forearms because they're [TS]

  in space space [TS]

  yes the cooking bit although horribly [TS]

  trite is at least enjoyable reacted by [TS]

  harvey korman he he actually puts in the [TS]

  effort here [TS]

  yeah I can understand the concept here [TS]

  to Julia Child [TS]

  they get they get the food network on [TS]

  Kazuki it's great [TS]

  well it's it's a tape I think that's [TS]

  what I'm all is just a lot of her and [TS]

  she's holding up her hollow discs to the [TS]

  light to see which one as then why [TS]

  hasn't she seen it before she seems to [TS]

  be taken off guard by every aspect but [TS]

  also the toppings actually paid to save [TS]

  it for like she's a horrible call it was [TS]

  the life day special and she taped it to [TS]

  watch it back when she was cooking for [TS]

  life day no lip lips to beat to with [TS]

  stand and eventually get her webster and [TS]

  an extra hand or whip and then another [TS]

  extra hand and you realize Harvey Korman [TS]

  his forearms i did laugh at the first [TS]

  extra hand I want giving you get was [TS]

  crap i was pretty drunk already at that [TS]

  supposed to be dead tired of left if I [TS]

  hadn't seen this particular routine done [TS]

  by 40 bad comics over the last 20 years [TS]

  well you see that third hand and you [TS]

  kinda hope it's tim conway no no I [TS]

  really didn't need kind of reminded me [TS]

  of elves are from futurama yes for [TS]

  cooking sponsor time so let me tell you [TS]

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  crime wave and they're stealing all the [TS]

  razor so now you have to treat me like a [TS]

  criminal [TS]

  not true with Harry's you order it on [TS]

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  have [TS]

  go outside other than to like crack the [TS]

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  Harry's now i use Harry's blades they're [TS]

  really great i just gotta refill and i [TS]

  love the shape cream I've got this crazy [TS]

  foaming shave gel which is nice but what [TS]

  I really like is the shave cream it's [TS]

  not pressurized you can squeeze into a [TS]

  little bottle and take you through [TS]

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  uncomfortable [TS]

  we we have more Han and Chewie and [TS]

  reused footage from the movie and and [TS]

  then martial law was declared by the [TS]

  Empire you know what it's a little tough [TS]

  with the whole reuse footage thing [TS]

  because there aren't that many scenes of [TS]

  the morning of the first movie so some [TS]

  of these get seen for five times there's [TS]

  only sweet hi fighters you can have [TS]

  straight across it's just like [TS]

  Battlestar Galactica and even for the [TS]

  new footage they just do the same two [TS]

  shots cheering on cheering on sometimes [TS]

  both jewelry hot and it's closed on TV [TS]

  man there that you don't have a lot of [TS]

  versatility own form i think they have [TS]

  two cameras probably may just have to [TS]

  run through the seen a couple of times [TS]

  and then in the the set that they got [TS]

  out from storage and then move on that's [TS]

  all pretty much just could like make up [TS]

  those lines to yeah it sounds like you [TS]

  are getting them and just kind of like [TS]

  our God whatever you say partner [TS]

  we're going to be escaping our Pleasant [TS]

  trends or something whatever am I done [TS]

  come and get out of here now we're gonna [TS]

  pick up my check though we need you for [TS]

  the final shot [TS]

  I don't [TS]

  I still I still thought he at least he [TS]

  at least felt like Han Solo oh yeah I'd [TS]

  like a fellow councillors pissed to be [TS]

  there [TS]

  yeah he doesn't really want to take to [TS]

  be home for life day he doesn't believe [TS]

  in all that life tastefully you know I [TS]

  don't like hanging around here at my [TS]

  in-laws I mean your family [TS]

  yeah but dude my dad is on that planet [TS]

  he runs a junk shop I don't want to see [TS]

  him looking like that [TS]

  ok so Diahann Carroll this is that we [TS]

  get with some cookies say this cookie [TS]

  porn basically yeah well anyways reality [TS]

  because why isn't a fantasy yeah [TS]

  absolutely [TS]

  hey don't be don't be judgmental that's [TS]

  a bit late for that [TS]

  did go to be judgmental go ahead do you [TS]

  think that the Empire gave them those [TS]

  hollow boring machines as far as the [TS]

  subjugation effort [TS]

  yes they do have a lot of different [TS]

  hollow technology [TS]

  well first of all the thing is called a [TS]

  mind evaporator yeah that was weird i [TS]

  would he call it a mind evaporator I'd [TS]

  is some dancer but I was like why did [TS]

  the wookies have a crazy torture device [TS]

  not informative speech would wed that [TS]

  was being just because I wrote down at [TS]

  that point please God me first so the [TS]

  presence of wiki porn makes me question [TS]

  who's the audience for this show [TS]

  yeah okay that i have-- every I had that [TS]

  as my note to Monte because the [TS]

  commercials at least in the version i [TS]

  watched which is from Baltimore there's [TS]

  one ad for toys at the end and like the [TS]

  Reds for pantyhose [TS]

  well they also have unions and GM and [TS]

  that adds foundation in order to loom [TS]

  yeah contact my gold I'm trends but it's [TS]

  not just that it's the fact that you [TS]

  know to take sort of a big picture view [TS]

  not only do we have that scene which [TS]

  clearly seems ended ulta we have the [TS]

  jefferson starship scene which also [TS]

  seems to be aimed at a totally different [TS]

  Democrat love the ideas right there's [TS]

  something here that anybody in the [TS]

  family it's julian touches yeah but [TS]

  there are many things that several [TS]

  people in the family should not be enjoy [TS]

  oh we are excited aren't we the whole [TS]

  time that jaw that itchy josh's gyrated [TS]

  yeah why don't you go bald around his [TS]

  face is that what happens to workers [TS]

  when they get all I don't know what [TS]

  happens when your job moves in the wrong [TS]

  way [TS]

  so when she finally things I thought [TS]

  well at least now we're gonna get some [TS]

  fine you know find seventies English [TS]

  music but instead it's like this dirt [TS]

  like sad like this is really well i like [TS]

  it when she was talkin dirty to me that [TS]

  was good but now that she's just singing [TS]

  really sad slow song boo that really [TS]

  does it for itchy [TS]

  that's not your idea of a good time for [TS]

  life day what did it for me in the wrong [TS]

  way was that she rhymed minute-by-minute [TS]

  repeated for Diahann Carroll poor [TS]

  diagonal arrow here have a problem with [TS]

  the songs in this thing I mean besides [TS]

  the obvious fact that they all suck you [TS]

  know is that they have no freaking thing [TS]

  whatsoever to do with Star Wars no no [TS]

  well okay except for the one set to the [TS]

  Star Wars theme song [TS]

  Peter not even that has nothing to do [TS]

  with Star Wars shutters gotta build our [TS]

  about life day Steve I think most of it [TS]

  is n a variety show as he pointed out [TS]

  this was a variety show heavy time so [TS]

  they said well we'll make a variety show [TS]

  and we'll put some star wars over the [TS]

  top of it because that's what kids like [TS]

  whoever said variety is the spice of [TS]

  life does not watch this time somebody [TS]

  had to write these songs for this [TS]

  student thing they could very easily [TS]

  written something about the Empire or [TS]

  stars or anything [TS]

  laser swords laser sockets anything [TS]

  anthes give me something that Star Wars [TS]

  related no no [TS]

  instead we get well okay please light [TS]

  the fire in the sky might be vaguely [TS]

  Star Wars related i know it [TS]

  this video is kind of a celebration of [TS]

  the mat line is like huge black outlines [TS]

  around everything [TS]

  yeah I can't remember if it was during [TS]

  that scene or during the first trippy [TS]

  one Stevens just turned to me and said I [TS]

  can't believe what's happening [TS]

  yeah it's going to be written by can [TS]

  admit cwelch Ken Welch of course was the [TS]

  official composer for The Carol Burnett [TS]

  Show that does not surprise me [TS]

  it also never seen Star Wars i think a [TS]

  lot of CBS folks just sort of got roped [TS]

  into this meeting and contractual [TS]

  definitely there they probably had a [TS]

  variety show like team that they put [TS]

  together to do this stuff like [TS]

  award shows and variety shows and things [TS]

  like that where you get your Bruce [TS]

  Vilanch and i gotta say if if you [TS]

  haven't already read it or bought it i'm [TS]

  reading a book called how Star Wars [TS]

  conquered the universe by chris taylor [TS]

  which actually has a little bit of the [TS]

  history of how it came to be and any [TS]

  added basically was a lot of CBS people [TS]

  got pulled into it but the idea was that [TS]

  they had seen the producer had done a [TS]

  live production of Peter Pan [TS]

  hey there's not and and so Lucas went [TS]

  well they understand children's [TS]

  entertainment sure and and this is [TS]

  nothing like the live the the mia farrow [TS]

  Danny Kaye Peter Pan you know it's just [TS]

  like this is also nothing like a [TS]

  tolerable [TS]

  yeah yeah but but he did actually write [TS]

  an outline for it which they kind of [TS]

  took some details from but he's the one [TS]

  who set it on the planet with the [TS]

  wookies and here's the life day and life [TS]

  they was supposed to be like this this [TS]

  thing that was celebrated on different [TS]

  planets each year and this year it was [TS]

  going to be on the wookies planet and [TS]

  the idea was to get chilly there because [TS]

  he was going to be the like the main [TS]

  attraction at life day and they just [TS]

  kind of looked at that went at life day [TS]

  cookies cool so it's is not a lot from [TS]

  the oven [TS]

  I feel like the grease themed one that's [TS]

  advertised that has Frankie Valli I bet [TS]

  that's more accurate to the movie jail I [TS]

  would watch that I want anything so I [TS]

  let's see where are we hot on Han and [TS]

  Chewie Han and Chewie land and the [TS]

  Imperials come to the door and and [TS]

  stormtroopers search the house is that [TS]

  where we know you have we gotten yet [TS]

  ya que tiran c-3po yep [TS]

  oh yeah okay yes they're calling all r [TS]

  Kearney will be there to help relieve [TS]

  Lance III we support you from afar [TS]

  we're not coming but with special really [TS]

  inconsistent and who can understand what [TS]

  keys and who can't break a c3 likes to [TS]

  like to translate for wookies yeah but i [TS]

  think they understood the first couple [TS]

  lines and then see my nose in it doesn't [TS]

  we gotta knows why is her makeup so bad [TS]

  why is everybody makeup so bad on this [TS]

  you think is one thing that TV can be [TS]

  able to do it Stevie makeup and not [TS]

  moving makeup and it's to be lighting [TS]

  and TV Land [TS]

  this is she does not look good and and [TS]

  by the way when they were having these [TS]

  people separate like Lucas separate [TS]

  talking to a camera in a room and then [TS]

  Carrie Fisher separate is holding out [TS]

  hope that you know and you know hon with [TS]

  separate that that's all the footage [TS]

  they got these guys just like yes you [TS]

  know these guys you can bring it every [TS]

  time they appear it's going to it's [TS]

  going to stab you in the heart but [TS]

  that'll be in a mostly just be really [TS]

  annoying keys in this crazy stuff and [TS]

  you haven't had it yet because they were [TS]

  hoping everybody would be like alright [TS]

  but began to like bring everybody [TS]

  together like clearly where the money [TS]

  was [TS]

  but that's so infuriating to me because [TS]

  it meant they could have just had Luke [TS]

  and Leia and hard together for most of [TS]

  the day when worse it could have been [TS]

  worse than I don't want to do what I [TS]

  want all I don't want to see them [TS]

  anywhere near this thing I don't want [TS]

  mostly apparently they they threatened [TS]

  to write a song for Luke and and camel [TS]

  apparently would not do that so that [TS]

  might be part of it that if if they had [TS]

  them in more of the special and I like [TS]

  you ever have more respect from our [TS]

  camel the market shows like two years [TS]

  later he gargles Gershwin the muppet [TS]

  show is well I'd wouldn't you also i [TS]

  think or next summer was right around [TS]

  this time [TS]

  yeah maybe maybe maybe it's just me but [TS]

  I think Leigh looks a little glassy-eyed [TS]

  and the Tigers yeah I don't position for [TS]

  being high as a kite in this scene her [TS]

  pupils are doing different things in [TS]

  every shot [TS]

  I'm just saying you do what you do to [TS]

  get through this but i do like the fact [TS]

  that she seems incredibly irritated to [TS]

  be stuck there with c-3po yea even hear [TS]

  the drug the drug addled Hayes she's [TS]

  very in there [TS]

  she's got no time for only the only [TS]

  character who put up with that guy is [TS]

  the one who can't who nobody can [TS]

  understand right and he's just saying [TS]

  he's just saying horrible things back [TS]

  Adam just a filthy no but the [TS]

  stormtroopers come and are there to [TS]

  search to bakas a house for a long time [TS]

  simply asking for a diary with a guy in [TS]

  a one-room house maybe he's in this [TS]

  little cabinet here don't you decide the [TS]

  stardancer let's rip it off but before [TS]

  that let's look for the union label yeah [TS]

  the best thing about a commercial break [TS]

  was the [TS]

  the longing I got for old cold medicine [TS]

  that used to work [TS]

  oh yeah oh yeah I got a longing for [TS]

  commercials with normal looking people [TS]

  in them instead of super airbrushed [TS]

  pretty folks everywhere [TS]

  that's just a regular regular lady who'd [TS]

  want something better than dressed and [TS]

  my older son was watching the the look [TS]

  for the union label head and of course [TS]

  you I'm sitting there going look for the [TS]

  because i remember it uh-huh and and he [TS]

  goes [TS]

  is this some kind of a cult why they're [TS]

  just like what [TS]

  yes this is look the guy in the bolo tie [TS]

  without lied to us [TS]

  definitely not yeah I i was fascinated [TS]

  by the the way you can tell a lot of the [TS]

  psychology of the United States in [TS]

  nineteen seventy 70 880 I the fact that [TS]

  november seventeenth not having said [TS]

  that a union i say i'm living in for me [TS]

  and we have the like proud American [TS]

  workers [TS]

  I who made those towers giant fish and [TS]

  then and the best one of all that type [TS]

  of the zeitgeist is the Whirlpool ad [TS]

  with the Eagle didn't have one what was [TS]

  up with all over lot that's like Stephen [TS]

  Colbert thing the best ad in there is [TS]

  the one about the bell adword people [TS]

  give people the ones i would love one [TS]

  wheel reminds me what my first thought [TS]

  was son this is this cell phone is [TS]

  enormous and the second thought was my [TS]

  favorite which is the the slogan at the [TS]

  end is be choosy which is great and [TS]

  spell which I'm nominally well this is [TS]

  when they were pushing back against all [TS]

  those second party phones that are [TS]

  starting to flood the market right yeah [TS]

  they're like we have silly phones to [TS]

  look look Mickey Mouse right that [TS]

  mechanically it's always you can get [TS]

  Snoopy phones did you have a Snoopy [TS]

  phone it's night and never Snoopy that [TS]

  Snoopy phone out amazing [TS]

  Jason did you have this reggie jackson [TS]

  candy they were Reggie [TS]

  yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah those metrics [TS]

  care about the selling point for the [TS]

  Reggie bar is it's named after Reggie [TS]

  Jackson that's where really care unit [TS]

  that is it well and it's based on the on [TS]

  the misconception that baby ruth was [TS]

  named after babe ruth would you want [TS]

  that's right and now we have a baseball [TS]

  player named Coco Crisp means half years [TS]

  in India versus candy bar it's coming [TS]

  from Syria [TS]

  nice and cereal and it's i love that [TS]

  that's also ask andy sold entirely on [TS]

  like reggie jackson's ego basically yeah [TS]

  and no yeah they're like hello I'm [TS]

  Reggie Jackson he should just have like [TS]

  a pipe and patches on his fucking jackal [TS]

  bows it's yes seriously [TS]

  but but I mean anyway the the Union [TS]

  things in the end the buy American of [TS]

  the Whirlpool thing which is spectacular [TS]

  right into Eagle like continually [TS]

  swooping down and getting the same thing [TS]

  what does that add trying to say what is [TS]

  trying to say [TS]

  so if you listen to it it's really [TS]

  amazing because what is really in code [TS]

  saying is you could buy appliances made [TS]

  in foreign countries but you don't [TS]

  because it will end our way of life it [TS]

  will ruin the entire country and they [TS]

  break too fast anyway but it's in the [TS]

  market that weren't they like we work [TS]

  hard no government policy made us do it [TS]

  like they're basically said like the [TS]

  nanny state the nanny state can't tell [TS]

  us to make our factory safe know you i [TS]

  think it's i think it's like [TS]

  protectionism against like Japanese [TS]

  appliances is what they're what they're [TS]

  talking about and and it's definitely a [TS]

  buy American so heavy-handed but this [TS]

  was the conversation at the time so it's [TS]

  just fascinating to see that now the buy [TS]

  American stuff in the union stuff and [TS]

  all of that industrial class i like the [TS]

  idea that organized labor is something [TS]

  something you would show on television [TS]

  like it ever that would be something [TS]

  that people would be proud to put on [TS]

  television that was like the gung-ho [TS]

  yeah Union everything now forget it you [TS]

  something about unions on TV I think the [TS]

  wolf led might also have been trying to [TS]

  get some of that late Bicentennial [TS]

  runoff suppose I mean it's a patriotism [TS]

  and yeah but it wasn't but it was super [TS]

  dog whistling I have all this Eagle [TS]

  stock footage [TS]

  yeah you had to know what they were [TS]

  talking about because removed from the [TS]

  context then it just it just looks like [TS]

  i can tell it's right wing and I could [TS]

  tell it's a dog whistle but beyond that [TS]

  it's basically the opening credits of [TS]

  the colbert report but to sell washing [TS]

  machines ready [TS]

  you're listening to retro commercials on [TS]

  the in company that's right it well you [TS]

  know better than the alternative but [TS]

  unfortunately we have to go back to the [TS]

  Star Wars Holiday Special they're always [TS]

  there are many police state tactics from [TS]

  the Empire guys like mommy said we [TS]

  actually see that these are these are [TS]

  mean old storm troopers were gonna kick [TS]

  over here stuff and and and we we could [TS]

  see more terrifying that [TS]

  that but instead starship everybody the [TS]

  good news is that if your Imperial troop [TS]

  and you you're on Patrol you can spend [TS]

  about five minutes to sit down kick back [TS]

  and watch laser MTV when you're supposed [TS]

  to be searching for everyone everyone [TS]

  else entire a variety show is like they [TS]

  they're just they're so easily [TS]

  distracted like I need I need [TS]

  stimulation someone show me lumpy I mean [TS]

  I guess he has excuses little bit the [TS]

  Imperial like everybody's just they are [TS]

  they'll be going through the plot and [TS]

  then all of a sudden would be like wait [TS]

  I need distraction sure like i mean i [TS]

  guess they need some reason to show all [TS]

  these musical numbers and stuff but [TS]

  there's no transition and no segue just [TS]

  like now I crave stimulation so it's [TS]

  like a variety are you suggesting that [TS]

  the framing device here is weak we like [TS]

  better to make an effort me with lumpy [TS]

  it's like whenever lumpy makes any [TS]

  people like they just shoved me in front [TS]

  of the TV put headphones on his head and [TS]

  go here you go in the Imperials are here [TS]

  but do the same thing to them it's extra [TS]

  confusing to have both the cartoon that [TS]

  features the characters from movie yeah [TS]

  so y & x and the separately the thing [TS]

  where they're watching like life on [TS]

  Tatooine but then at some point we're [TS]

  actually just transition of contracts [TS]

  remember that's very good [TS]

  yes it is mystifying why everything is [TS]

  being everything in the special is just [TS]

  a bit that's being watched by other [TS]

  characters in the special that is a [TS]

  little bit strange that conceit and and [TS]

  we can talk about them more when we when [TS]

  we when we get down the road but are we [TS]

  at the board so Jefferson Starship any [TS]

  thoughts about Jefferson Starship I got [TS]

  one [TS]

  yes take me and will vanish without a [TS]

  trace in a cigar-shaped object also on [TS]

  the pyramids is a legend the Great God [TS]

  copa khan who came from the stars and [TS]

  vanished and the legends say he will [TS]

  come back again someday [TS]

  it's he's singing into a lightsaber and [TS]

  every show is that dangerous because i [TS]

  think it's a good way to lose your lips [TS]

  what kind of gives you hope that it will [TS]

  happen but then it doesn't it's either a [TS]

  lightsaber or something else that is [TS]

  better not described on this podcast yes [TS]

  a little bit strange are playing in this [TS]

  stuff it's like this quality seventies [TS]

  guitar pleasure [TS]

  ok i also have to say my favorite of all [TS]

  of them is the guy who does not have [TS]

  quite a quitar but rather just a [TS]

  keyboard [TS]

  unrest Nick yeah it was a primitive time [TS]

  I was excited when I thought it was [TS]

  going to be jefferson starship because I [TS]

  thought that there might be a sharp [TS]

  crease like somewhere in there singing [TS]

  but no it was the graceless version just [TS]

  to Marty Balin you it's the marty balin [TS]

  basically the talent was all gone and [TS]

  plenty there's plenty of purple lights [TS]

  for what it's worth that that is a laser [TS]

  keyboard he's got around his neck laser [TS]

  keyboard got a space keyboard sniffs [TS]

  keyboard space music although to be to [TS]

  be honest I think at that point maybe [TS]

  the Stockholm Syndrome had sort of been [TS]

  setting in because i think i think i was [TS]

  kind of maybe I was just really drunk [TS]

  and I said I was kind of starting the [TS]

  lake and Stephen was just like no it's [TS]

  not Stockholm Syndrome it's alcohol [TS]

  syndrome [TS]

  yeah other than the alcohol poisoning [TS]

  syndrome i mean i actually just before [TS]

  jefferson starship I i actually gasped [TS]

  when the guard tried to hit lumpy and [TS]

  the but then i remembered that you son [TS]

  is named lumpy and I felt that I don't [TS]

  think he got the name this injuries are [TS]

  fake family as other is it mainly as low [TS]

  as much as the family he keeps on a good [TS]

  point [TS]

  point [TS]

  dentally speaking of jefferson starship [TS]

  as i mentioned on twitter same way else [TS]

  think that Jefferson starships kind of [TS]

  dressed like the henchmen from wrath of [TS]

  khan we're like the fur vests and like [TS]

  the headbands interesting maybe that's [TS]

  where the the star trek to customers got [TS]

  their costumes maybe literally that is [TS]

  literally where they got the costume [TS]

  they took it off Jefferson starships [TS]

  corpses can we speculate that for a [TS]

  moment why San dan brought mala a box [TS]

  that plays holographic jefferson [TS]

  starship as his life day gifts he loves [TS]

  jefferson starship their house did not [TS]

  have enough hologram related to writing [TS]

  wanted for everyone key [TS]

  clearly this was at a time of a [TS]

  tumultuous time a time of hologram [TS]

  console wars you know there's something [TS]

  that anymore mala appropriate that he [TS]

  could have brought I mean the groomer [TS]

  for instance I mean notice right there [TS]

  the xbox so the xbox one does not play [TS]

  jefferson starship you have to get a ps4 [TS]

  for that so yeah good point and I think [TS]

  that was the sega no one talked enough [TS]

  about the economics of Star Wars as [TS]

  depicted to the star without expensive [TS]

  or the prequels you are you should hear [TS]

  about the Trade Federation blockades of [TS]

  holographic proconsul person that's [TS]

  fascinating subject sponsor break time I [TS]

  want to tell you again about [TS]

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  thank you so much to for [TS]

  supporting the incomparable ly [TS]

  slash incomparable anyway lumpy to [TS]

  distract lumpy from from the horrible [TS]

  crunching like a search of the the house [TS]

  let's watch a cartoon featuring your own [TS]

  father and all the voice actors from [TS]

  Star Wars doing incredibly bad job to [TS]

  talking so was anthony daniels the [TS]

  voices c-3po nexus and different now [TS]

  he's always available to be the only [TS]

  does that is literally the entire career [TS]

  is the Terminator voice acting I was [TS]

  that was the one part of this i was [TS]

  looking forward to yeah how'd that go [TS]

  for the old sorry Tony the cartoon is [TS]

  the only thing that's been legitimately [TS]

  released from the special it's a bonus [TS]

  on one of the light blue ray sets i was [TS]

  very excited i think the first line [TS]

  included that they're looking for a [TS]

  magic talisman is all about something [TS]

  listen friend I was a friend out when i [TS]

  find that friend i'm going to take care [TS]

  of that talisman friend so he's very [TS]

  friendly [TS]

  all the best [TS]

  family and his fearsome pole-mounted [TS]

  tuning for so they're all on a there on [TS]

  a first-name basis with each other [TS]

  yeah Papa the combo Barbie boba very [TS]

  chatty in this version [TS]

  yeah he said he seems like a friend says [TS]

  Luke after the 17th time he said friend [TS]

  when he says he says he's looking for [TS]

  the serum and really thought he said [TS]

  syrup is an idiot speaking of Stockholm [TS]

  Syndrome yet the people who made this [TS]

  animation there like in animation things [TS]

  are supposed to squash and stretch that [TS]

  band even r2d2 I'm sorry dude is not [TS]

  squash and stretch behind dollars chin i [TS]

  say no choice basics that the artistic [TS]

  choices of how to pick these characters [TS]

  in cartoons is crazy to me the the [TS]

  actors don't look like the actors the [TS]

  droids bend and wobble and just I don't [TS]

  why do they do I brochure was done by [TS]

  the same people who did yellow submarine [TS]

  yeah see I was gonna say it's like lucy [TS]

  in the sky with Star Wars I wasn't sure [TS]

  if it was like a weird legal thing where [TS]

  they didn't have the right to the images [TS]

  of the people but yeah but they have [TS]

  them as voice actors [TS]

  does anyone else notice that c-3po [TS]

  actually blinks his ice [TS]

  yes I lives they go vertically which is [TS]

  some weird and they do these weird star [TS]

  trek it seems like they have Starlog [TS]

  update [TS]

  oh yeah bye honey and saucer separation [TS]

  who is nick who is nary [TS]

  yeah i could not figure that out is 10 [TS]

  so even though he was unconscious so to [TS]

  be fair John in Star Wars rebels they [TS]

  take a turbolift my thought hey wait a [TS]

  second [TS]

  well yeah I mean haven't you get that [TS]

  you know next-gen got Sasha separation [TS]

  from this I guess so yes I pretty sure [TS]

  why wings don't do that by the way it [TS]

  it's a Canadian animation company that [TS]

  at the time that was their visual style [TS]

  sort of not only does not like our thing [TS]

  and but they were cheap [TS]

  that was the main reason they got a lot [TS]

  of work into 15 times per second [TS]

  welcome yeah and yeah they did what the [TS]

  animal imp expects a thing with Gilda [TS]

  Radner and also this rock-and-roll [TS]

  voices they did Rock and rule yeah and [TS]

  and all of this stuff looks like that [TS]

  looks like that yeah [TS]

  at one point Boba Fett is like riding a [TS]

  sort of like what's pacemaker giant [TS]

  dinosaur just said yeah yeah [TS]

  I will not really bothered by the [TS]

  quality of the voice acting because like [TS]

  mark hamilton learn to be a good voice [TS]

  actor later on I think they may have [TS]

  animated at first and then made the [TS]

  actors try to listen after which carries [TS]

  around sound like that with it was very [TS]

  very strangely and it is very hesitant [TS]

  and odd cadence is that possible because [TS]

  the script is also terrible that's gonna [TS]

  be probably an aspect and no and [TS]

  nonsensical it is nonsensical well so [TS]

  here's the thing is I also parameters [TS]

  like it also doesn't I don't know didn't [TS]

  know who Boba Fett was already even [TS]

  though this is the first time you use it [TS]

  like he is the best bounty hunter in the [TS]

  galaxy is working for Darth Vader he is [TS]

  his right-hand man he's a threat not [TS]

  true at all [TS]

  it's a little strange isn't it that they [TS]

  set lumpy down in front of this little [TS]

  console and keep him quiet and the way [TS]

  he keeps a low profile is by putting on [TS]

  what is apparently at propaganda cartoon [TS]

  put out by the rebels to show how great [TS]

  his dad is and his dad looks like a like [TS]

  a big like cat dog really not a good [TS]

  chewy it's like you plot lumpy down and [TS]

  you're trying to trying to keep him you [TS]

  know out of trouble and you're trying to [TS]

  keep the the Imperial dudes away from [TS]

  the fact that this is to bacchus house [TS]

  why do you not stand there and say no no [TS]

  it's probably not appropriate to put [TS]

  that on right now son go back to the [TS]

  dumb game [TS]

  well because by doing that they get to [TS]

  do my favorite thing that I hate which [TS]

  is that they have a double cliffhanger [TS]

  where they have the cliffhanger in the [TS]

  cartoon I don't be yellin which causes [TS]

  the Imperial guys to come over so [TS]

  there's been a cliffhanger in the [TS]

  framing device has the political work [TS]

  what is the cliffhanger in the framing [TS]

  device they're going to be afraid they [TS]

  find out he's watching a cartoon [TS]

  I don't understand that he pretends to [TS]

  not be watching a cartoon and then it's [TS]

  so bright but what do they care he's [TS]

  watching this cartridge I think it's [TS]

  because you remember that they go look [TS]

  for rebel material later I think this if [TS]

  this is in fact rebel propaganda they [TS]

  will be worried that he was wanted to [TS]

  give it a lot of credit I don't know you [TS]

  could say that it's the adventures of [TS]

  both fed right yeah i'm watching that [TS]

  heroic bounty hunter I've never I've [TS]

  never seen this show that rides a [TS]

  dinosaur but any but then he looks at it [TS]

  and says why this features a Wookiee I [TS]

  wonder who that wiki is could perhaps be [TS]

  the Wookiee that we're looking for from [TS]

  the channel he's like the same number [TS]

  this is not the work you're looking for [TS]

  it [TS]

  always look the same to these guys when [TS]

  they just arrested she get out of there [TS]

  I wish they would have arrested you [TS]

  because I was committed many crimes and [TS]

  really strong so they uh they do turn [TS]

  off the place and am really sad moment [TS]

  they it's revealed that they have ripped [TS]

  the head off of cheese stuffed bantha is [TS]

  revealed he does it on camera which we [TS]

  had we had formed such a relationship [TS]

  with don't worry it'll be fine after he [TS]

  after uses it and puts a band blanket [TS]

  over it that's how you know they're evil [TS]

  that's how yeah because they sent for [TS]

  your torment one lucky child you skipped [TS]

  over the news break [TS]

  thank you skipped over the news oh yeah [TS]

  okay good yeah it's time for the news [TS]

  here now the neutron bomb test story [TS]

  yeah welcome to 1970 a happy life day [TS]

  everybody someone convicted for selling [TS]

  top-secret documents to the Russians [TS]

  yeah happy like if you had to make up [TS]

  and use break for 1978 for like cold war [TS]

  yep like this one news break [TS]

  well I keep in mind that the the world [TS]

  pull that happens around here too which [TS]

  is which includes the line we are the [TS]

  endangered species [TS]

  yeah and also apparently it's been too [TS]

  cold to get it on for last no no baby [TS]

  boom from the 78 blizzard and you got a [TS]

  little human interest story most of the [TS]

  men must have been out shoveling snow [TS]

  link whack or watching a holographic [TS]

  Diahann Carroll I find it a little [TS]

  disturbing how many of those commercials [TS]

  I remember because I was one when this [TS]

  aired so they must have just kept [TS]

  rerunning the same commercials [TS]

  commercials had a long lifetime back [TS]

  yeah that fruit of the loom commercial [TS]

  was there forever [TS]

  my wife has an amazing knowledge of [TS]

  jingles that have stuck with her [TS]

  commercial jingles the only one here [TS]

  that she recognized it always the the [TS]

  the egg mcmuffin jingle late huh you're [TS]

  in the middle of a take my dad's an egg [TS]

  in the middle of a muffin that's right [TS]

  which I don't remember at all but she [TS]

  remember not that much more Canadian [TS]

  bacon and cheese [TS]

  that's right I said okay get past the [TS]

  neutron bomb because she explains what [TS]

  neutron bomb is and that's stuck in my [TS]

  manager sort of smile which is it and [TS]

  it's like now back to the holiday like [TS]

  celebrities on bomb the bomb which by [TS]

  the way kills people but not buildings [TS]

  and that that fascinated me brought [TS]

  probably you know we have it withstand [TS]

  episode of like why I'm so fascinated [TS]

  with the idea of [TS]

  people are dead all their stuff is still [TS]

  around russian say they're testing it [TS]

  anyway you're back to your holidays [TS]

  about yours get like that it's listen [TS]

  for the sirens means the videotapes of [TS]

  the Star Wars Holiday Special will be [TS]

  here long after work but it was followed [TS]

  by Russians have this bomb and by the [TS]

  way CIA just arrested someone for [TS]

  selling documents to the Russian him and [TS]

  now this one out back now back to your [TS]

  cartoon i wonder how things are going on [TS]

  tattooing let's go back to a cartoon [TS]

  featuring bow before him and the girls [TS]

  have a layover on flying high [TS]

  actually that wasn't one part that one [TS]

  part that Stephen was was genuinely [TS]

  excited about with stirring the cartoon [TS]

  it was when it first came back and I [TS]

  don't even remember what the sound was [TS]

  but he was just like eff yeah i love the [TS]

  sounds of Star Wars he was getting off [TS]

  on the sound effects and not paying [TS]

  attention to anything else did have a [TS]

  library of someone and what i have in my [TS]

  notes here is Lumpy's noises are killing [TS]

  me like it's not love these noises no [TS]

  those are not authorized on battery to [TS]

  make them [TS]

  yeah rub her owner you need to Jason can [TS]

  you cut in a clip of him making those [TS]

  noises people don't have right on the [TS]

  front that walking but you have to hear [TS]

  how terrible these things just got to [TS]

  play the garbage disposal noise [TS]

  let's touch the best yeah he was excited [TS]

  about apparently the gun that she uses [TS]

  in the cartoon was used by a couple of [TS]

  guards in Jabba's palace so you could [TS]

  see was pointing that out to me I gotta [TS]

  a lesson then it was all worth it wasn't [TS]

  it wasn't the library so it sounds like [TS]

  ben burtt sent them a tape of like six [TS]

  noises sayings use this scream at some [TS]

  point here are some gun noises there's a [TS]

  wilhelm scream yeah she will have a [TS]

  scream [TS]

  yes Steven actually he made us he made [TS]

  us stop it rewind it was watching it [TS]

  being recorded and then made a fine of [TS]

  it and for the rest of the time he would [TS]

  kind of just go back and re-watch the [TS]

  vine that he made no help out of the [TS]

  term for going over the railing with the [TS]

  cold-blooded murder story maybe it's [TS]

  because he's canadian but he actually [TS]

  did applied at the end of the cartoon [TS]

  tripping over a log and then talking to [TS]

  is dead [TS]

  it's okay everybody he's gone he fell to [TS]

  his death at me like that laughter [TS]

  laughter happy that you like that guy [TS]

  that's ok Art Carney cleaned up the body [TS]

  I gotta go i really don't want to be in [TS]

  the scene that long by now you you [TS]

  trying to recover lead to skip over it [TS]

  but we've reached the point where we [TS]

  have to visit the cantina or ugh cantina [TS]

  probably not but we're not quite there [TS]

  yet are you missed the the instructional [TS]

  video [TS]

  yes oh yeah that mean i wish i could [TS]

  miss the instructional video [TS]

  oh how to assemble at the transmitters [TS]

  everybody's losing power I didn't know I [TS]

  get it now [TS]

  robot whose patting his own but repeated [TS]

  tell you get the power back like this [TS]

  this max would be like hey guys we just [TS]

  figured out how to slow down videotape [TS]

  let's use the select a whole lot but I'm [TS]

  glad that you had us come back to that [TS]

  one that's what the show is it's just a [TS]

  series of these things it's like why am [TS]

  I watching this why is this year was [TS]

  have to do with Star Wars I'm not [TS]

  entertained and it's so long and the [TS]

  only good thing is that right after you [TS]

  get tobor which is robots battletoads [TS]

  spelled backwards [TS]

  was anybody worried about the fact that [TS]

  when when keep the robot in the [TS]

  instructional video puts the screwdriver [TS]

  under his chin he's just committed [TS]

  student killed Sylvia and I was like [TS]

  doing you do it [TS]

  I think the instructional video is a [TS]

  very early attempt to make fun of how [TS]

  hard it is to set up the VCR hours they [TS]

  had not yet settled on the twelve [TS]

  o'clock blinking time [TS]

  nope that was that definitely is more [TS]

  sense because six people owned VCRs and [TS]

  not have got over fortunately they were [TS]

  over recording star wars on it is really [TS]

  concerned that like robots gonna catch [TS]

  whatever this guy has some day and virus [TS]

  that's how all robots go in your old and [TS]

  in their old age yeah well he's not even [TS]

  a robot though he's in a morphine and [TS]

  being that yeah straight up he's like [TS]

  there may be a cyborg he's got some [TS]

  peace got some things that are on the [TS]

  fritz [TS]

  definitely i don't know Harvey Korman I [TS]

  idea that there are 10,000 contacts on [TS]

  the thing that's holding you have to [TS]

  connect colored wires to it and the work [TS]

  he's gonna do with his big forehands ya [TS]

  again to manage cookies that thing works [TS]

  yeah yeah he's all the help we doubt [TS]

  that was also doubles as a shortwave [TS]

  radio yeah that was not clearly [TS]

  communicated in the program like that [TS]

  they had very few plot points and they [TS]

  cannot be done a good job of showing one [TS]

  job none of them were connected either [TS]

  just disparate points scatterplot I [TS]

  think my favorite thing was just that [TS]

  the instructional guy was holding it in [TS]

  a completely different way that he was [TS]

  and i don't think that was for humor [TS]

  purposes i think because they had filmed [TS]

  them separately [TS]

  yeah it a different actors made [TS]

  assumptions about which way was up [TS]

  Lumpy's just not very bright [TS]

  this is learn but moving on so so here's [TS]

  the thing there is a wonderful moment [TS]

  where the Imperial of troops are [TS]

  instructed that they must immediately [TS]

  watch a video for all Imperial forces [TS]

  much watched a video the video is the [TS]

  the backdoor pilot for a sitcom starring [TS]

  be our third cantina on Tatooine a [TS]

  cantina sadly not made into a series [TS]

  why why why would they again I know you [TS]

  need a framing sequence [TS]

  why would this be at the insert a line [TS]

  it's like and be aware Empire this will [TS]

  show you many examples of terrible [TS]

  behavior which are like what Bea Arthur [TS]

  singing I don't know and so they have to [TS]

  watch be Arthur for like 20 minutes but [TS]

  it's apparently alive its alive feat [TS]

  licensure [TS]

  there they the fun times at the cantina [TS]

  are interrupted by the same announcement [TS]

  that they get live at the monkey house [TS]

  with you [TS]

  yeah it's happening confused the hell [TS]

  out of me yeah it is a little confusing [TS]

  announcements about tattooing at the [TS]

  Wookiee household it's part of the [TS]

  impressiveness of the Empire [TS]

  periodically at any given moment a [TS]

  camera can turn on somewhere and the [TS]

  entire empire we watching you do [TS]

  whatever it is sooo you're doing whether [TS]

  it whether you're you know performing a [TS]

  song or pouring the contents of a red [TS]

  plastic pitcher into somebody's head [TS]

  hole which by the way is clearly erotic [TS]

  and I do not like normally you're in [TS]

  favor of things that are weirdly erotic [TS]

  yeah but in this case I have to make an [TS]

  exception it's you can we are we all on [TS]

  the same page that the interaction [TS]

  between the guy at the bar and be Arthur [TS]

  is incredibly creepy he has a name our [TS]

  friends growling I'm not going after it [TS]

  not going to do and it's extremely [TS]

  uncomfortable you just such heat it's a [TS]

  perfect script for a complete creeper [TS]

  stalker dude and you don't just says I [TS]

  decided what you meant was what I needed [TS]

  to hear [TS]

  he assaulted her later yep yep ahead of [TS]

  the end he's waiting for its kind of [TS]

  chilling [TS]

  yeah as a woman watching that I was [TS]

  super disturbed also he has a giant hole [TS]

  in the top of his head that you were [TS]

  drinking I was alright with that I don't [TS]

  disagree with your characterization but [TS]

  i do think that be Arthur gives by far [TS]

  the best and most committed performance [TS]

  in the entire two hours i would agree [TS]

  strannix arms and she clears the cantina [TS]

  like a pro that's for sure yeah I [TS]

  wouldn't mind seeing the be Arthur [TS]

  sitcom I thought she was ineffectual [TS]

  shoot yeah she runs this place and she [TS]

  can't get people to leave she's gotta [TS]

  have muscle for that you can't like beg [TS]

  them she does this thing work is for [TS]

  torches for getting people out of there [TS]

  yeah but she doesn't stretch it as the [TS]

  conga line i noticed that she says [TS]

  friend and awful lot during her big song [TS]

  I suspect she may secretly be both [TS]

  Phillip how ya doing so well know what [TS]

  if all of the clones are actually be our [TS]

  third yes behind every stormtrooper [TS]

  mastery learning clone of the heart that [TS]

  yeah that's me in mind in my notes I i [TS]

  have the note this is obviously the [TS]

  backdoor pilot for a sitcom about Bea [TS]

  Arthur or owning the cantina as the as [TS]

  the song plays endlessly dictatorial ok [TS]

  and i want to play and when it finally [TS]

  plays differently and it's slow it's [TS]

  slowed down I think oh they're there are [TS]

  varying it finally that's good and then [TS]

  she starts to sing and my notes say and [TS]

  then she sings I like her song I liked [TS]

  her singing but yeah she was good [TS]

  it's it's like a weird kurt Vile Brecht [TS]

  kind of song it yeah my point i think [TS]

  was that I was hoping it was done we [TS]

  were done when tis no this is this is [TS]

  the entertainment like this is why the [TS]

  people making us thinking right we gotta [TS]

  fill this with musical numbers and stars [TS]

  and this is what the love and the other [TS]

  stuff in between is just filler and it's [TS]

  like the entertainment part isn't I mean [TS]

  I she does commit to it she does things [TS]

  with white why it's like there's love [TS]

  Bea Arthur ya-ya and she doesn't want to [TS]

  be yours before that [TS]

  ya know and I took it away after what [TS]

  kids also really like it's like a kind [TS]

  of bittersweet farewell to people in a [TS]

  war zone as as they are they go out and [TS]

  they might you don't have to go home but [TS]

  you can't stay here because the Empire's [TS]

  making you leave [TS]

  I you know World War to France and which [TS]

  is your kind of lie but that's totally [TS]

  with the kids love it can really relate [TS]

  to a place where everybody knows your [TS]

  name [TS]

  except for that one guy whose name she [TS]

  can remember i sincerely enjoy be our [TS]

  third segment on the holidays Roman that [TS]

  uncompromising in a present anything but [TS]

  track with lesson right all mod I talkin [TS]

  like that pony baba wasn't do love is [TS]

  great but he's like ready to dance about [TS]

  it [TS]

  yeah it's got his arm back he's doing [TS]

  okay that that that part worried because [TS]

  I was wondering about you know be Arthur [TS]

  reminiscing in her memoirs the sweetest [TS]

  thing you ever did well I dance with a [TS]

  guy dressed like a walrus it's but Monty [TS]

  I take your point at this point I was so [TS]

  beaten down then I just wanted to be [TS]

  over and I wanted the sweet embrace of [TS]

  death for the end of the special if this [TS]

  had been the start of it I would've been [TS]

  like okay this is very strange and yet [TS]

  you know it'sit's be our thirst again [TS]

  starring in a a pilot for a sitcom about [TS]

  the owner of the bar that has [TS]

  a creature canteen and it ok it's just [TS]

  happened so late plus i'm also grappling [TS]

  with the idea that the everybody in the [TS]

  Empire has been forced to watch this for [TS]

  some latex what couple reason [TS]

  well they don't even know because it [TS]

  hasn't happened yet they aren't they are [TS]

  watching something that they know is bad [TS]

  it's it could turn out to be bad it [TS]

  could turn out to be just another day at [TS]

  the club have no clue fly i think i was [TS]

  at the drunk sweet spot at this point [TS]

  because I that was I was I was kind of [TS]

  flying by this point and i am a sucker [TS]

  for be Arthur I will watch you do [TS]

  anything I've seen everything you have [TS]

  girls multiple times now you can tell [TS]

  you about the Beatrice Arthur special [TS]

  that aired january nineteen eighty oh [TS]

  yes says here yes the production [TS]

  centered on be Arthur who was joined by [TS]

  guest tires Rock Hudson Melba Moore and [TS]

  ventriloquist Wayland flowers with his [TS]

  whole madam oh my god and my song at two [TS]

  so if if all the clone if all the [TS]

  stormtroopers are clones of be Arthur is [TS]

  she [TS]

  are they be fed or are they boba Arthur [TS]

  b'fast Beatrice fat Beatrice Beatrice [TS]

  yeah just leave a letter B vet there you [TS]

  know that nude painting we are that was [TS]

  going around the internet a while now [TS]

  god yes I feel like I wouldn't greatly [TS]

  improved by the addition of the wall [TS]

  risk he was with his hand on her [TS]

  shoulder [TS]

  there's never been a more Steve lot [TS]

  sentence ever uttered he has a name his [TS]

  name is pulling obama he lost an arm [TS]

  because dead eyes are really erratic [TS]

  about justice he was a promising [TS]

  architect they got hail we don't know if [TS]

  it was him it could just have somebody [TS]

  else of his race Tony he did the same [TS]

  jacket [TS]

  ok well the other day all when he said [TS]

  he loves the arm sunday and Han Solo [TS]

  both wear the same little best thing [TS]

  there's only so many clothes in the [TS]

  universe you think all Aqualish is just [TS]

  wear orange jackets Lando where's Hans [TS]

  vast at the end of empire strikes back [TS]

  close gets shared a lot in the star wars [TS]

  universe [TS]

  this isn't grito in this scene either [TS]

  right no was introduced as he was [TS]

  already dead though he's wearing the [TS]

  exact same clothes every time getting at [TS]

  yeah we had all of the leftover costumes [TS]

  from seriously I mean it's all of them [TS]

  except poorly land yet amazingly they [TS]

  all look so much crappier here [TS]

  oh yeah no I didn't realize they had to [TS]

  make it a lot darker to make to pull off [TS]

  these costumes well it turns out all [TS]

  those shots were great when it's just [TS]

  like the character for two seconds but [TS]

  when it's like know all of them four [TS]

  separate matter how ya gonna you know [TS]

  and when it doesn't he doesn't hold up [TS]

  perhaps move talked about his [TS]

  promiscuous that it's like I that makes [TS]

  me really uncomfortable [TS]

  what is with humongous rat it's just [TS]

  like that looks rad in there no I [TS]

  assumed it was an actual right now is [TS]

  just forced perspective is that a womp [TS]

  rat [TS]

  oh maybe I mean was it two meters you [TS]

  know yeah well that's six feet [TS]

  yeah there's something I got it is a [TS]

  water rat you out there said to you that [TS]

  changes everything they wanted to make a [TS]

  show me what ya want Brad it's just [TS]

  slang for people Luke Skywalker hate [TS]

  tattooing I don't know the name of the [TS]

  Arthur's pop is in fact beggars Canyon [TS]

  back yard that whole story is about is [TS]

  about a horrible murder that took place [TS]

  why would you ever go baby let's say [TS]

  it's happy hour diggers canyon let's go [TS]

  over there [TS]

  maybe they'll be a song by the [TS]

  proprietor there's a commercial break [TS]

  there's a great commercial in here for [TS]

  flying high [TS]

  AAA show that as as said in the in the [TS]

  rifftrax version i show so unsuccessful [TS]

  it doesn't even have a wikipedia pic [TS]

  yeah it was the show that was on next [TS]

  after the star wars holiday special is [TS]

  it does now I looked it up because i was [TS]

  it doesn't have as real and as a but but [TS]

  the best thing about it is that there's [TS]

  a scene in the flying high promo that [TS]

  features somebody with actual tearaway [TS]

  trousers actually has a flight [TS]

  attendants white men and women fantastic [TS]

  yeah looks like a good show [TS]

  well get on this 1i honey celica vehicle [TS]

  money celica Pat Klaus and remember the [TS]

  third one [TS]

  oh no yono any effort actually this is [TS]

  this is where I have kind of a big a gap [TS]

  I left on my page because i was i was at [TS]

  the point where I was not taking notes [TS]

  and before I just have a public role [TS]

  here everything [TS]

  kind of a diagonal line pool of ink is [TS]

  this the one where the woman takes the [TS]

  pantyhose and stretches the crotch out [TS]

  in front of the camera my god no non [TS]

  c'รจ doing that was pretty explicit [TS]

  there wasn't it this was yeah I what [TS]

  they're trying to show like that of the [TS]

  panel or that it breathes or something [TS]

  but it's really not a move they do with [TS]

  pantyhose and commercial uses in fact [TS]

  that was one of the fascinating things [TS]

  about the commercials uh the the the [TS]

  wall light commercial is like that too [TS]

  where there's some fascinating clothing [TS]

  first off it's like there's some of that [TS]

  way you could probably get away with [TS]

  today and then there's some of its just [TS]

  like oh my god what is she wearing [TS]

  but the they want to show that you can [TS]

  watch your lingerie in it and so there's [TS]

  a woman who is like literally covered in [TS]

  five layers from head to toe and that's [TS]

  her and that but you know but with some [TS]

  sand layers at the top some onion skin [TS]

  layers the top and like it's lingerie [TS]

  and then and so it's like trying to be [TS]

  sexy but trying to not be sexy at all [TS]

  and like similarly the pantyhose with [TS]

  the the spreading of the crotch of the [TS]

  Panda [TS]

  oh yeah coming as it does right after [TS]

  the be Arthur number is particularly [TS]

  destroyed with the variety show and so [TS]

  like earlier when they show the variety [TS]

  show ads there was tons of booty shaking [TS]

  and that the variety shows were [TS]

  basically just all look we're going to [TS]

  have women and they're gonna be scantily [TS]

  clad and they're gonna be dancing it was [TS]

  so you're basically ish gladly because [TS]

  the panty line the panty line commercial [TS]

  where it's like our pantyhose you don't [TS]

  have to wear anything right in and asked [TS]

  LOL just but that's like the whole [TS]

  second just shaken by the whole time and [TS]

  it's Andy's wedding I think they have [TS]

  women dis roping like it was it it was [TS]

  not as explicit as it's not as much skin [TS]

  but it's just every third scene its [TS]

  xxxxx watches there will be sex [TS]

  yeah it is seventies man its it leaves [TS]

  the term at the time was jiggle-jiggle [TS]

  velvet yeah but there wasn't at the [TS]

  present time was awesome and promise of [TS]

  sex i guess it was groovy at the time ya [TS]

  soon to be awesome to be awesome not get [TS]

  medical that'll be about 10 years out [TS]

  for awesome home and if we just make it [TS]

  a tubular alright we're back at one that [TS]

  actually fits the the topic Han and [TS]

  Chewie arrive and take care of the last [TS]

  lingering stormtrooper by again [TS]

  making him a whole off the water he [TS]

  doesn't he just trip I don't know if he [TS]

  knows this and what makes going for a [TS]

  garland and the other guy goes for the [TS]

  gun on tricks over a log yeah yeah this [TS]

  is a shoddily-constructed dwelling [TS]

  because that railing is not up to code [TS]

  and and just think lumpy was walking on [TS]

  that thing and exactly well that was the [TS]

  payoff that was there they're incredible [TS]

  craftsmanship of this plot was that [TS]

  no it looks like we're just doing [TS]

  nonsense for no reason one thing we did [TS]

  was so we could pay this off later visit [TS]

  dangerous fall and we remind you that [TS]

  there is a dangerous fall you fell all [TS]

  the way down is that matte painting it [TS]

  was realized in the special edition of [TS]

  the Star Wars Holiday Special hon does [TS]

  nothing and the Stormtrooper just flings [TS]

  absorb spell hot goes for the gun after [TS]

  the guy is following yeah it's already [TS]

  hot works contract for shoots him on the [TS]

  way down always more violent in this [TS]

  version but second only secondhand is [TS]

  very violent after an initial strike [TS]

  violence that's very important at this [TS]

  point i was getting desperate to and i [TS]

  had i noted here and should come home [TS]

  which is like a thing that they had you [TS]

  know that's the basic story I'm true and [TS]

  they're gonna get home they got to get [TS]

  home they come home and is still 15 [TS]

  minutes left like what what why is there [TS]

  15 minutes left I should have known i [TS]

  just turned it off that makeup they're [TS]

  back home it's like they were unhappy [TS]

  just it should be over so something we [TS]

  mentioned earlier that i want to bring [TS]

  back which is this is that moment where [TS]

  Han after saying you're like a family to [TS]

  me sort of like tries to bug out as [TS]

  quickly as he can because like I said he [TS]

  left the motor running on the Millennium [TS]

  Falcon he's gonna get back to it and [TS]

  there's the mortuary turns I'm like is [TS]

  she gonna bail out two or he's come all [TS]

  this way but no he's gonna stay with his [TS]

  family and and before hongos Han and [TS]

  Chewie hug and this for me is the is the [TS]

  best single moment in the entire special [TS]

  because it's like the the most like the [TS]

  nicest moment that Han and Chewie ever [TS]

  have that's like a huge bear or whatever [TS]

  wookie hug that they have and I thought [TS]

  that was nice that's mine that's my [TS]

  number-one thing is there was two actors [TS]

  saying this will be over soon where you [TS]

  get a beer after this you almost made it [TS]

  full pal there's also a moment here [TS]

  where Han looks at mala and says will [TS]

  you look at lumpy be sure grown huh yeah [TS]

  I don't think our carnies the only one [TS]

  that's got a thing going to lock his [TS]

  wife that's what i'm saying is i even [TS]

  put in my notes at one point that I [TS]

  think the alcohol was was definitely [TS]

  kicking in by that point she was like [TS]

  grape pretty-pretty me not her smiling [TS]

  face you realize it's a man that outfit [TS]

  right yeah actually that is a funny [TS]

  moment when you realize that there's a [TS]

  dude in there [TS]

  yeah I thought it was Peter may you for [TS]

  a while because he was so tall [TS]

  another one of those terrifying details [TS]

  in the house star wars conquered the [TS]

  universe book is it apparently when they [TS]

  were you know the writers are asking for [TS]

  more details about the wookies and more [TS]

  stuff they could use and Lucas as one of [TS]

  his many details apparently told them [TS]

  that [TS]

  oh and Han Solo is married to a Wookiee [TS]

  but we can't say that [TS]

  unquote I don't know what that means is [TS]

  just full of great ideas [TS]

  that's weird that's yeah haha is also [TS]

  apparently not a very good smuggler [TS]

  Kazuki as under a vague sort of blockade [TS]

  isn't exactly what he's supposed to be [TS]

  good at getting around and around about [TS]

  it he approaches from the north which is [TS]

  I assume space doors because I feel like [TS]

  we're gonna work we're gonna park on the [TS]

  other side of the planet but don't worry [TS]

  you are you afraid of a little walk it's [TS]

  only halfway around the first of all he [TS]

  navigates the wrong planet that's [TS]

  clearly yappin [TS]

  yes get shot where you can see the [TS]

  temple of God and then we'll know he's [TS]

  taking a long way around [TS]

  it's a really long walk from another [TS]

  planet [TS]

  ok so now this is this is the point [TS]

  where it gets really weird part is [TS]

  quietly something weird happens is just [TS]

  a point so so what happens at the end I [TS]

  think it's open to interpretation about [TS]

  what exactly happens next but the life [TS]

  day ceremony begins and in my [TS]

  interpretation [TS]

  it's like a mental link where everybody [TS]

  who is on the zook or on Jose there was [TS]

  a Wookiee or is in the universe or is [TS]

  with the first or is in front of a green [TS]

  screen of any kind has a mental kind of [TS]

  like connection where they suddenly [TS]

  imagine that they are wearing robes from [TS]

  the video game journey and our [TS]

  wanderings gonna go satanic road [TS]

  we can bring into this nicely i'll be [TS]

  there about the robes in a temple and [TS]

  everybody is there which which leads to [TS]

  moments of confusion for viewers where [TS]

  they're lightweight and said goodbye and [TS]

  now he's here with like 10 this is like [TS]

  they're all one with the force now man [TS]

  or something like that because they're [TS]

  all there or was it says in my notes are [TS]

  they all dead now [TS]

  is this like the end of why not [TS]

  purgatory until until season five it's [TS]

  not purgatory [TS]

  either way headcanon accepted but yes [TS]

  everybody gets out there light up life [TS]

  day snow globes and then somebody turns [TS]

  on the pool light [TS]

  yep and then they walk into a big [TS]

  glowing ball my guess is the shared [TS]

  hallucination parties a life de force [TS]

  yes to write B which which I guess if [TS]

  you're being the continued into the [TS]

  force you can get into so who the hell [TS]

  let the droids it and they're the first [TS]

  ones in after the water-saving admit i [TS]

  wish i had a life so I could separate [TS]

  life day nobody else has snow globes [TS]

  happy life day from droid who are not [TS]

  alive [TS]

  what only I had feelings as the droid [TS]

  who constantly expresses terror threats [TS]

  being like they are like pets being in [TS]

  heaven [TS]

  they're just there to make the humans [TS]

  feel better so Luke Leia and Han they [TS]

  bust in on this sacred wiki tradition [TS]

  right the only humans there that we [TS]

  could write and the first thing they say [TS]

  and they say this two or three times [TS]

  they say this holiday is yours [TS]

  what the hell are you doing here that [TS]

  people get the hell out of our home [TS]

  they're saying why I thought I thought [TS]

  we were saved why does everybody have to [TS]

  come back why and then it in any other [TS]

  way around my notes here is no lady [TS]

  don't sink it so it's all you know it's [TS]

  ok guys the white folks are here to tell [TS]

  you that this holiday for you here on [TS]

  hairless but it's worse than just lay a [TS]

  singing though it's it's you've now been [TS]

  made aware of the fact that the classic [TS]

  Star Wars theme was a life day Carol all [TS]

  the log no no yeah that's a southern [TS]

  route know how dare they use real star [TS]

  wars music how dare they like when they [TS]

  were really mixing it and doing little [TS]

  snippets fine but they just took the [TS]

  right from the soundtrack and that's I [TS]

  was angry but I was angry that they were [TS]

  all there I was angry there on the stage [TS]

  together and I was super angry when the [TS]

  music starts yeah I'm very angry that [TS]

  they're on the same stage together [TS]

  because as i keep saying that meant they [TS]

  could have actually had seams together [TS]

  yes now but i'm pretty sure what I saw [TS]

  was everybody walking into [TS]

  space and walking into the star and [TS]

  that's how they are Yankee uh-huh that's [TS]

  shown their climbing aboard the comet [TS]

  and yeah 3 somewhere there's a whole [TS]

  house full of wookies under square [TS]

  blankets with nike stem new tennis shoes [TS]

  on ya [TS]

  jefferson starship got on the purple [TS]

  comet they're going on the white one [TS]

  with it yet they're up there with yes a [TS]

  lot of cooley and you don't want to [TS]

  share it with your comments with I'm [TS]

  gonna take it all starts nuggie snuggies [TS]

  though I feel ok this is the promise of [TS]

  the tree of life it was really [TS]

  unsettling seeing wookies and robes and [TS]

  i'm assuming that was simply a [TS]

  cost-saving measure over having that [TS]

  many extras in full-body wiki costume [TS]

  looks like we're asking about you in [TS]

  robes you know well they shouldn't like [TS]

  600 had a way that man from the back and [TS]

  the right like how many of those were [TS]

  even in wiki hats it's just guys the [TS]

  wrong hair ya gonna find a 19-7 way it [TS]

  was Jefferson Starship I think rick [TS]

  wakeman walks in there as well [TS]

  nobody knew my favourite bit about [TS]

  Chewbacca remembering all the great [TS]

  things that happened to him in the [TS]

  course of Star Wars is the part where is [TS]

  like and there's that part i got a metal [TS]

  oh wait I didn't already tonight and I [TS]

  thought maybe in life day he would get a [TS]

  medal but they didn't even yeah you [TS]

  could lie to his family they gave me a [TS]

  medal [TS]

  hey remember when I want when I went in [TS]

  with Luke and Han to that big room and [TS]

  that was how it ended snows all that was [TS]

  all that happened there that whole scene [TS]

  is bizarre and and he's staring like [TS]

  really unsettling like the camry look [TS]

  looks it looks really disturbed my done [TS]

  yet [TS]

  am I done can you make sense when you [TS]

  see the whole montage and you see that [TS]

  he's just rehashing once again the fact [TS]

  that he didn't get a medal at that look [TS]

  on his face is dammit I deserved a medal [TS]

  and let's not forget of course the part [TS]

  of the end where they must all join [TS]

  hands and are taking a wookie sounds yes [TS]

  over some scrumptious bathroom [TS]

  well it was a commercial break after [TS]

  showing them working into the little [TS]

  awards ceremony seen and what was in the [TS]

  commercial final war story and Star Wars [TS]

  toys yes yeah finally [TS]

  so sloppy you think this whole thing [TS]

  would be filled with ads for Star Wars [TS]

  12 it's now 949 half of the kids have [TS]

  tuned out or gone to bed [TS]

  it's time for the watching and the [TS]

  adversary's choice is addressed parents [TS]

  it's it's you should buy these toys for [TS]

  your children this always something [TS]

  happening [TS]

  honey yeah stupid skins that's not how [TS]

  it works the kids go really the story [TS]

  but that we just giving you an hour and [TS]

  45 minutes of reason why your children [TS]

  should not watching star witness so this [TS]

  is what your kids are into apparently [TS]

  you don't get any there still are still [TS]

  stupid enough to be here we have some [TS]

  things we'd like to sell you [TS]

  oh my god man i have a craving for [TS]

  hungry jack biscuits and gravy Jack who [TS]

  is not very Jack ad was actually pretty [TS]

  like they all kinda like mad men style [TS]

  adds like I thought there was something [TS]

  to them you know but at least they were [TS]

  competent it was like you know my hungry [TS]

  jack but I bet you have 12 in the [TS]

  refrigerated dough while they did they [TS]

  did that hungry jack bit like at least [TS]

  20 different ads they did the fruit of [TS]

  the Loom guys in how many variations i [TS]

  mean they were built to last [TS]

  also there's have wine add in there too [TS]

  yeah well that was like really try to [TS]

  impress your friends just just drink the [TS]

  wine that you like you like box wine [TS]

  fine so far [TS]

  I don't like on the for the Lumad really [TS]

  bittersweet because it's like well I'm [TS]

  very old and about to die my husband [TS]

  already shot when he was alive he really [TS]

  liked through the loom [TS]

  unfortunately i'm not alone i still have [TS]

  a pair of his underpants and these fruit [TS]

  men and I'm still talking about me is [TS]

  underwear to complete strangers then she [TS]

  grabs a grape right off from group to [TS]

  group it's great that you cut to her in [TS]

  the actual chair and she's just all of [TS]

  smiling holding a pair of Underpants [TS]

  also those fruits are really happy like [TS]

  there cackling up a storm [TS]

  well she's remembering happier times and [TS]

  a reminder of that she's got like a [TS]

  little shrine to her dead husband on the [TS]

  side table too [TS]

  yes and a couple of theories underwear [TS]

  so here's the colony wine ad aimed at [TS]

  people who do photography at home who [TS]

  fancy themselves as kind of a ladies man [TS]

  but who don't want to impress other [TS]

  people with fancy wines when you when [TS]

  you're mixing the chemicals in your [TS]

  darkroom and then immediately go outside [TS]

  and pour wine ik its unsanitary [TS]

  well the nice thing about colony wine is [TS]

  it can also be used as a stop bath so [TS]

  I don't tell me it was all about [TS]

  unsanitary oh I really feel like they [TS]

  should have put the wine add before the [TS]

  advertising by your kids Star Wars toys [TS]

  because that was really have lucidus the [TS]

  parents up and get some kind of wine in [TS]

  case your kids haven't already been [TS]

  begging you for a year for Star Wars [TS]

  toys after that commercial Stephen was [TS]

  begging me for star wars two questions [TS]

  that had all those toys you know yeah I [TS]

  only having any stamp with me i had all [TS]

  the toys through Empire Strikes Back and [TS]

  then my mother gave them away to a [TS]

  church rummage sale [TS]

  we're going to hat because that was the [TS]

  big 1i had the x-wing and I had I had [TS]

  started drinking I got a landspeeder for [TS]

  learning to ride a bike so the original [TS]

  thai fighter about six feet for me right [TS]

  now so they all join hands around the [TS]

  table [TS]

  yep and they're they're sacred no gloves [TS]

  are now the centerpiece of their holiday [TS]

  meal [TS]

  oh we missed a very important point [TS]

  which is they played the Star Wars theme [TS]

  and carrie fisher's things and [TS]

  incomprehensible theme as counterpoint [TS]

  to the actual star wars theme song [TS]

  that's terrible i heard that I heard [TS]

  that it was so terrible i think it was [TS]

  talked up as being really bad and I mean [TS]

  it wasn't good but it wasn't as bad as I [TS]

  was led to believe I'm with you in [TS]

  America so i thought was all right [TS]

  because it was a counterpoint to the [TS]

  theme I thought going in that she was [TS]

  gonna be like we're here celebrate life [TS]

  day was not she didn't do that it was [TS]

  she was singing like a little [TS]

  counterpoint to the actual playlist of [TS]

  p16 morning everybody knows the words to [TS]

  the theme song r star wars [TS]

  haha world's yeah okay of joy we all can [TS]

  share together [TS]

  sure your mm moderately join in life [TS]

  nope nope it was very you'd like i had a [TS]

  terrible thing wasn't the song itself [TS]

  was the fact that Princess Leia appeared [TS]

  they made her sing a song that was the [TS]

  time yes and that she had no idea she [TS]

  was there saying oh yeah she was the [TS]

  lucky one [TS]

  yeah what she done was she [TS]

  Carrie Fisher's memoirs may completely [TS]

  leave out 1978 the 9700 and rightly so [TS]

  and and with the Wookiee family sitting [TS]

  around the feast table with their [TS]

  centerpiece of their space to epithet [TS]

  globe things that's the end of the star [TS]

  wars holiday special and then yeah [TS]

  yes and I already fixed the railing on [TS]

  the matte painting or the hospital but [TS]

  it's a life day miracle at Art Carney I [TS]

  took care of that too he takes care of [TS]

  everything is its focus what r Kearney [TS]

  was also wearing a pretty sweet coat at [TS]

  the end I was very impressed by that he [TS]

  took that off of me that isn't gonna be [TS]

  real guy [TS]

  yeah iCarly got out there with his [TS]

  groomer and replace the railing with [TS]

  that the dark army gets to go to magical [TS]

  life tail and when he was not in magical [TS]

  ladies he's he's agnostic he's not been [TS]

  saved to the top ones don't work here [TS]

  celebrating death 20 terrible twist at [TS]

  the end for our current droid to get to [TS]

  go though okay [TS]

  yes all dry day goes of us were novel [TS]

  spaceball they need somebody to clean up [TS]

  the place and with that we say never [TS]

  again [TS]

  so uh what we learned in 78 was a [TS]

  horrible horrible place to learn the [TS]

  Jason is terrible and yeah it's a [TS]

  terrible thing yep you burned a lot of [TS]

  trust Jason down this is the last [TS]

  episode of the incomparable yeah well [TS]

  you know we had a good run i like to [TS]

  think Jason that the the last four years [TS]

  are just been like you punking us to [TS]

  lead up to them [TS]

  yeah it's the long con whatever can [TS]

  sucker all my friends into making a [TS]

  four-year [TS]

  long podcast that culminates with this [TS]

  one of the Star Wars Holiday Special [TS]

  it's over now [TS]

  this podcast is it all the the 226 [TS]

  previous episodes were just to lead up [TS]

  to this moment that is that is brilliant [TS]

  gotcha brilliant you have my I hadn't [TS]

  seen the whole thing either by the way [TS]

  I've only seen that I was 20 25 minutes [TS]

  and i had to bail I just couldn't bear [TS]

  it so they don't and I couldn't do this [TS]

  in one sitting there like like the [TS]

  prequels I had to split up and we had to [TS]

  be two sittings for this you either [TS]

  split up or you get really wasted [TS]

  I didn't either of those things and yeah [TS]

  it was it was tough i almost fell asleep [TS]

  if somebody doesn't watch this i do want [TS]

  to recommend the rifftrax that they have [TS]

  it is it you can actually I of dubious [TS]

  legality but you can actually buy from [TS]

  them with the video on demand of the [TS]

  pirated video and it's a it's really [TS]

  funny but even then you can't watch the [TS]

  whole thing in one sitting without [TS]

  without hell I don't have that problem [TS]

  i'm too i watch the whole thing in one [TS]

  sitting apart [TS]

  partly that was just to watch the kids [TS]

  watching it I mean that was highly [TS]

  amusing you show us your children [TS]

  yeah i know i noticed a child services [TS]

  are coming so i had to get I to finish [TS]

  it before before we do the podcast i [TS]

  watched it straight through [TS]

  oh he wants it so sorry yeah it's too [TS]

  much it's so it's so long it just goes [TS]

  on [TS]

  does it doesn't it's a perfect time I've [TS]

  seen worse things than this of course [TS]

  you have money you shop at the gas [TS]

  station my I tried to find some of the [TS]

  movies that you have been using your [TS]

  collection and because they sounded [TS]

  legitimately interesting and they were [TS]

  not dvds that i can get everything one [TS]

  he makes up that's a secret [TS]

  you gotta go to the gas station man [TS]

  that's where they're at and it's listed [TS]

  they're just they're all out of print [TS]

  and they're not you know none of them [TS]

  are available the street being and you [TS]

  know well that's because of the magic of [TS]

  a real video store which we still have [TS]

  in seattle and nowhere else but me I [TS]

  will say I saw this when it originally [TS]

  aired and then after i bought the VHS [TS]

  back in 96 and i SAT and watched it and [TS]

  and all through at that time I was going [TS]

  oh my god I didn't imagine that [TS]

  oh my god every every segment was sort [TS]

  of like buttons [TS]

  coming and then you know and so yeah I [TS]

  remembered it all and so this time i [TS]

  watched the rifftrax version which is [TS]

  much more enjoyable [TS]

  I have a friend who had watched it when [TS]

  he was eight and he hasn't rewatched [TS]

  since then because he actually remembers [TS]

  that is being good and took the ones [TS]

  every room like dicey just don't do that [TS]

  don't do that don't remember those great [TS]

  commercials by my back-of-the-envelope [TS]

  math here you could watch the force [TS]

  awakens trailer about 82 times instead [TS]

  of watching much better use of your just [TS]

  and one listened to one podcast about it [TS]

  Spencer and earth and like the flophouse [TS]

  you should not watch the movie now or [TS]

  the TV special if you listen to this [TS]

  you can listen to this podcast just fine [TS]

  without seeing it Jason if you do some [TS]

  careful editing this could be exactly [TS]

  the same length as the thing we can [TS]

  release it as a commentary track [TS]

  we're not we're not in sync that well [TS]

  when I home or garden maybe they spend [TS]

  way more time on be Arthur then we did [TS]

  but we're much more entertaining i do [TS]

  not have a problem getting through this [TS]

  with the rifftrax at all i watch this [TS]

  every year around Christmas time four [TS]

  lines a lot for thanksgiving time [TS]

  because everything or life day and it's [TS]

  at your life date on whichever life [TS]

  detailed guys I think I think I will [TS]

  watch it on november seventeenth this [TS]

  year because that's also my oldest son's [TS]

  birthday so it's it's that he's proud [TS]

  that that's life day and then he's [TS]

  ashamed I here I here next year life day [TS]

  and thanksgiving you're going to be on [TS]

  the same day you guys are scheduling the [TS]

  stove to watch this every year or [TS]

  something and I think I don't throw my [TS]

  computer out now huh [TS]

  november seventeenth was a weird time to [TS]

  release a holiday special that was a [TS]

  week before thanksgiving in 1978 that's [TS]

  the holiday season [TS]

  it's not it's not even now with holiday [TS]

  creep [TS]

  it's not holiday time yet cool it's okay [TS]

  because this had nothing to do with any [TS]

  holiday that anyone like me life day is [TS]

  the most non denominational made up BS [TS]

  barely even religious it's there's [TS]

  nothing Christmassy and more so than [TS]

  Christmas not take it's terrible when [TS]

  you go into a store right after [TS]

  Halloween and they already have their [TS]

  life day decorations up that's where no [TS]

  no no the worst is having your birthday [TS]

  on life day because then people just [TS]

  keep getting you one present for both [TS]

  your back just keep you [TS]

  orbs [TS]

  groomer every year forbes laser printers [TS]

  and hologram used to think this is being [TS]

  just basically a ploy to get you to that [TS]

  commercial at the end where they want to [TS]

  sell you action figures along with [TS]

  existing laws we got over that you've [TS]

  got a month and a week to buy your [TS]

  action figures before Christmas I was [TS]

  eight years old when this came out I was [TS]

  pre-sold on the toys [TS]

  yeah really yeah i guess the thing did [TS]

  this did this grow anybody's love for [TS]

  Star Wars i'm guessing no no he's [TS]

  probably diminished a good number of [TS]

  macaroni one of our understanding of [TS]

  what stars yeah all we had was the one [TS]

  movie right and and it is amazing to [TS]

  think about that this was the thing like [TS]

  you could wait like wow this is the [TS]

  first Star Wars we're going to get since [TS]

  the movie and then this what you got [TS]

  you didn't get star wars that's for sure [TS]

  they were probably a few people who are [TS]

  incredibly high possibly on acid who [TS]

  discovered Star Wars this wave ended up [TS]

  really loving it but i think they were [TS]

  in the minority [TS]

  yeah and then they passed away very soon [TS]

  their life I think you overestimate the [TS]

  mind-altering capabilities of acid [TS]

  maybe we'll watch us and thought wanted [TS]

  when they do the sequel Empire Strikes [TS]

  Back Julie's family will be in that [TS]

  right now [TS]

  well apparently the idea was that the [TS]

  Fox said three years is too long to wait [TS]

  we have to get some kind of servers [TS]

  product out there and so this that was [TS]

  the initial impulse and then apparently [TS]

  Lucas kind of in the back of his head [TS]

  supposedly so this is well it could be [TS]

  the pilot for a TV version which would [TS]

  be great yeah and there's any sure [TS]

  they're did with it then what it when [TS]

  they saw what he did with it he took his [TS]

  name off it [TS]

  his name is not in there anywhere so [TS]

  here's my here's a legitimate question [TS]

  and this is something Lauren brought up [TS]

  while we're watching which is ok you are [TS]

  the person who has to produce the star [TS]

  wars holiday special [TS]

  how would you do it how would you do is [TS]

  there is there something that you could [TS]

  do here that would make something that [TS]

  is not a complete disaster you've got [TS]

  the main cast for two scenes [TS]

  that's all you can do with them i would [TS]

  say don't take the main cast do like [TS]

  what we call it was the dad helped me [TS]

  out the Ewok special you want adventure [TS]

  movie walk event you have been [TS]

  encouraged right so both of those were [TS]

  star wars ii enough no main cast [TS]

  settings from a movie [TS]

  and it's TV specials and it satisfies [TS]

  you need for something Star Wars ition [TS]

  it's what you don't keep the main cast [TS]

  but you got it you got to Center your [TS]

  show on a new character [TS]

  yes who then can well he can encounter [TS]

  the main cast at various plumpy is a [TS]

  main a new character but but there's no [TS]

  star you can't do it you can't do a [TS]

  variety show let's just say that you [TS]

  cannot do a variety show [TS]

  that's our work is like to start I would [TS]

  just incorporate more characters who [TS]

  spoke the English language huh [TS]

  ok here's what i would do space cheers [TS]

  its center in the cantina and a half [TS]

  hour in we cut to the movie when Luke [TS]

  and Ben walk into the canteen and [TS]

  suddenly the the cinematography it's way [TS]

  better right yeah we run that first [TS]

  metal scenes until those guys leave [TS]

  people go wow that was weird that a guy [TS]

  got his arm cut off in the middle of [TS]

  this variety and another guy got shot [TS]

  you never danced with Bea Arthur again [TS]

  sorry for the mess and back to TV and [TS]

  then the cantina band is done and [TS]

  somebody else comes on there's a little [TS]

  space stand up [TS]

  no problem well even an airy and yet you [TS]

  could have the cantina band is the [TS]

  backing band for a musical number [TS]

  everybody playing the same something [TS]

  right over here still get the Arthur [TS]

  singing i'm totally on board with [TS]

  Monty's idea and most importantly you [TS]

  can keep Harvey Korman head hole which i [TS]

  think is the most of it yeah that's [TS]

  right [TS]

  what a variety shows that entirely in [TS]

  Jabba the Hutt's palace so I i am the [TS]

  best I came up with was that you have [TS]

  some sort of young young you know [TS]

  teenager or something who needs to get [TS]

  home for a life day or whatever and he [TS]

  has to make his way through like rebel [TS]

  you know where Empire like identity [TS]

  checks and things like that and then [TS]

  rebel things maybe he gets has to get [TS]

  smuggled aboard the Millennium Falcon [TS]

  you reuse some footage because you get [TS]

  your and then he has to go like Luke has [TS]

  to help him with something in the land [TS]

  has that he meets our friends along the [TS]

  way and in the end after again a half an [TS]

  hour a half an hour he gets home and is [TS]

  not great and he had a lot of help and [TS]

  now he's going to join the rebellion or [TS]

  something like that i mean that that but [TS]

  again start a new character who speaks [TS]

  English would be helpful for that story [TS]

  I think you can kind of be glad they [TS]

  didn't do it [TS]

  into actual christmas like like they [TS]

  didn't like my name life is ridiculous [TS]

  but let's somehow they dodged the bullet [TS]

  of doing actual christmas which brought [TS]

  somebody probably would should've [TS]

  would've brought up and let's do [TS]

  Christmas i guess because Lucas was [TS]

  involved he had enough sense then undo [TS]

  that [TS]

  yeah life day was in his original [TS]

  outline because he said it's a long time [TS]

  ago its way before that so no let me [TS]

  tell you what Christmas is really about [TS]

  Charlie Brown [TS]

  yep yep yep [TS]

  Colin alright please [TS]

  well now I think that wraps it up [TS]

  yeah happy life day everybody he meets [TS]

  and i would like to thank my guess for [TS]

  watching this I I really owe them a bit [TS]

  more and we liked it thank you for [TS]

  making that yes and then shot rings out [TS]

  that a mutiny [TS]

  yeah yeah dan moore and thank you very [TS]

  much for watching this onward episode 3 [TS]

  yeah I gotta go watch attack of the [TS]

  clones as a palate cleanser [TS]

  Wow out you David lord thank you [TS]

  goodnight my friend but not goodbye [TS]

  goodbye now [TS]

  Oh Erica and sign thank you for watching [TS]

  this and I hope you had a lovely time [TS]

  doing it [TS]

  it's as I said I really think that this [TS]

  brought Stephen and I closer together so [TS]

  so thank you for for strengthening our [TS]

  marriage that's good [TS]

  create yeah okay Tony said water thank [TS]

  you happy life TJ said he said a beaten [TS]

  man Steve let's thank you it's been a [TS]

  light Jason this [TS]

  this I think is the promise of the tree [TS]

  of life and it's just a little whisper [TS]

  of CHO for you sir on this like day my [TS]

  he is we thank you i really enjoyed this [TS]

  when I watched it in the mid-nineties on [TS]

  a terrible bootleg VHS think back to [TS]

  those times not in 1978 and not now but [TS]

  then that was sweet that was the sweet [TS]

  spot nineties and John siracusa i kinda [TS]

  can't believe that you actually did it [TS]

  thank you everyone [TS]

  my unbroken streak of being on all the [TS]

  star wars episode but suddenly I don't [TS]

  feel bad at all for assigning you 26 [TS]

  episodes of anime yeah I don't think of [TS]

  it as a cleansing you better watch every [TS]

  single one of those yep in japanese in [TS]

  japanese with subtitles few you got it [TS]

  right and thanks to everybody out there [TS]

  for listening happy life day to all and [TS]

  we'll see you next time [TS]