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0:00:15[Music]
0:00:20hello guy John I'm Merlin how's it going
0:00:23good how are you I'm doing pretty good
0:00:28good having a coffee
0:00:31yeah you know that seems like something
0:00:33to do we have our our teacher conference
0:00:36today and I always get nervous on
0:00:37teacher conference day
0:00:38what do you think is what's there to be
0:00:40nervous about well you know how it is in
0:00:44life you always kind of hope that things
0:00:46will go as well as you could dream and
0:00:50and you you fear that it's as bad as you
0:00:53imagined and they always they almost
0:00:55always go really well but still you
0:00:57worry about the one where you going
0:00:58they're like well we all have some
0:01:02concerns about your child's call know
0:01:05hello we haven't gotten that one yet but
0:01:06you know so he's dropped a little bit
0:01:08here the other ones and yeah i just am
0:01:11always waiting you know because she's
0:01:12been she's a good kid but yeah I'm
0:01:16always nervous because I feel like I'm
0:01:17on trial
0:01:18i feel ya defensive is the wrong word
0:01:20but I feel a little defensive
0:01:22mmm yeah will you give them homework
0:01:25uh-huh right yeah so now but you know I
0:01:28think it'll probably go find have you
0:01:29had any of those experiences yet once ya
0:01:33teacher conference went to a teacher
0:01:35conference skip the PTA meeting so far
0:01:40mmm teacher compensation you should
0:01:42really get yourself to at least a few
0:01:44this
0:01:45oh yeah i know they're in my future
0:01:46right there was just one that was like
0:01:49oh great one
0:01:51hey come to the PTA meeting tonight if
0:01:55you want to order bottles of wine with
0:02:00your child's picture on them all its
0:02:02Rick training wheel nuts big lovely
0:02:06gifts
0:02:07this is your last chance this is like my
0:02:09dream and you're not gonna send you
0:02:11another email up this is only the eight
0:02:14comes the big 90 many limited
0:02:17opportunities every week and so I said
0:02:20this is this is a PTA room organization
0:02:23i'm gonna I'll get involved
0:02:26not quite yet I made that mistake when I
0:02:30was when we were in pre-k
0:02:32and I went in and said sure I'll join
0:02:35the Executive Board I told you this I'm
0:02:39sure went and sat down at the first
0:02:42meeting and they were running the
0:02:44meeting like full-on Robert's Rules of
0:02:48Order No Wow and just real quickly if it
0:02:52without revealing too much was your
0:02:54pre-k of any particular stripe
0:02:58methodology philosophy was it sort of
0:03:00allied with any big ideas uh the big
0:03:04idea it was a cooperative preschool
0:03:06yeah me too which means that everybody
0:03:07was there all hands on deck at work but
0:03:10I was in this executive board meeting
0:03:11the first one and they started running
0:03:14down the minutes of them and i could not
0:03:20I thought I felt that feeling that you
0:03:24that maybe it was like a bad dream where
0:03:26you were in fifth grade and you had been
0:03:29mistakenly put in 15th grade yeah where
0:03:33I was like what way will I i drifted off
0:03:35their what what are we talking about and
0:03:38I and you know then my eyes were were
0:03:41like i was i was falling asleep in my
0:03:44chair my eyes were like yeah I'm
0:03:45uncontrollably drooping and like 45
0:03:50minutes into an hour-long meeting I said
0:03:51I can never be here again I this has
0:03:54been a horrible mistake but it turned
0:03:57out that my daughter's mother goes to
0:04:00those things all the time and she she
0:04:03happily not happily but she took my
0:04:06place and no one even noticed one thing
0:04:09we have in common we both have young
0:04:10daughters and we both have baby mamas
0:04:13who are how shall I say and I mean this
0:04:17as the extreme compliment that is it
0:04:19helped capable they're capable when they
0:04:22they go places and they do stuff and
0:04:26they don't piss and moan about minor
0:04:28inconveniences whereas we made a career
0:04:30out of that wouldn't that be something
0:04:32she's not my wife she cool she goes to
0:04:35some meetings and she goes to a lot of
0:04:37meetings you know there's one kind of
0:04:38meeting or like like like you going like
0:04:40you're the guest speaker and I got to
0:04:42find meaning i like those this yeah
0:04:44right
0:04:44actually that that's the podcasters type
0:04:46of meeting it gets bigger
0:04:48hello but a lot of those kinds of
0:04:53meetings I they have certain valence to
0:04:57them that are not well suited to people
0:05:00like you and me nobody there is
0:05:02necessarily happy to be there but they
0:05:04they're more grown-up about it they
0:05:06handle it better and on occasion i am
0:05:09sure i told you the story but on
0:05:10occasion i would I you know what with
0:05:12what with the preschools it was a co-op
0:05:15like yours and you gotta help out
0:05:17I mean yeah stuff does not get done
0:05:19unless everybody does more than they
0:05:21need to because there are a lot of
0:05:23people aren't who are supposed to be
0:05:24doing what they need to and you end up
0:05:26doing more than you need to do then you
0:05:28need to do so that's just to do to do to
0:05:32do i was at a dinner party
0:05:34not very long ago in a cabin which wait
0:05:38for it didn't have a dishwasher
0:05:41huh now it's been a long time since I've
0:05:44been someplace that didn't have a
0:05:46dishwasher because I state of mind
0:05:48yeah i'm a i'm a downtown person and uh
0:05:52we live in a you know interrupt in the
0:05:54rarefied air of the ivory tower of
0:05:57Seattle one of the two towers who and I
0:06:03so I'm at this party and you know we're
0:06:08making dishes faster than we're making
0:06:11any other thing this is your meat
0:06:13centric wedding party
0:06:16well same cabin different events when we
0:06:20were making we're making plates at the
0:06:23at the at the boy party and yeah there
0:06:28was a certain amount of like our I don't
0:06:29gotta do the dishes one of the guys at
0:06:32the at the at the boy party was a nag
0:06:34right about the dishes and stuff me
0:06:37tells me all right but then we're at a
0:06:41we're at a party at the same place few
0:06:43weeks later it was a it was a
0:06:46mixed-gender party and we were just
0:06:50making we're making dirty dishes like
0:06:53you're going out of style because it was
0:06:54one of those dinner parties we're making
0:06:56the food all
0:06:57only making the food making some pasta
0:06:59making some sauce making some cake
0:07:02that's that's that's a lot of dishes
0:07:04making making making make him and these
0:07:08dishes needed to get done and I jump
0:07:10over and I started doing dishes and you
0:07:12know it's a it's like riding a bike
0:07:14right I haven't sat us in a sudsy sink
0:07:17and done dishes in a long time but you
0:07:20don't forget how to do it and it and
0:07:23it's like back in the you know I was
0:07:25back in the dishes who felt real it kind
0:07:29of felt real good i was always I was
0:07:32always too meticulous about doing the
0:07:35dishes interesting and I never
0:07:38understood when people would say you're
0:07:40being too meticulous i would say how can
0:07:43you be too meticulous in cleaning dirty
0:07:46dishes
0:07:48I mean I just want to make sure that
0:07:49they're they're very clean and they're
0:07:52like yeah I've been watching you been
0:07:54we've watched that one dish for three
0:07:56minutes and I'm like yeah that's what it
0:07:58takes three minutes dish
0:08:01this is this a gun on the moon right and
0:08:04you don't you don't get on the moon by
0:08:06just watching some water around
0:08:07no that's right you make sure every inch
0:08:10of that dish is clean and molecular you
0:08:12got the right stuff so I'm doing the
0:08:16dishes i'm making my way through it the
0:08:17problem with spending three minutes per
0:08:20dish is that three-quarters of the way
0:08:22through a big pile of dishes
0:08:23your hands are fully saturated huh like
0:08:27my hands were like look but you know on
0:08:33on on I go right
0:08:36Semper Fi yeah dude I and uh and it was
0:08:40it was it was it was super gratified but
0:08:44it was some there was a visit is a
0:08:48methodology and there's a way you know
0:08:50there's like a every house has a
0:08:52different style
0:08:54oh so different you know and so I'm
0:08:57stacking them up over here but that's
0:08:58not where they go when you start with
0:09:00something as simple as bottoms up
0:09:02bottoms down
0:09:03that's the or you know you get into
0:09:05stuff like what-what silver silverware
0:09:07makes sense to go to this place like
0:09:09that why would you keep your knives
0:09:11there
0:09:11but I think bottoms up bottoms down i
0:09:13used to be a used to be a bottoms-up
0:09:14person and now i think those people are
0:09:16monsters
0:09:17if you wash cup why would you put the
0:09:20lip of the cup on the filthy like when
0:09:24you put it away like would you put it in
0:09:25the cupboard like lip down that's that's
0:09:29so gross don't talk about well I know it
0:09:34all too well because i am a bottoms-up
0:09:36person interesting it's time for this
0:09:39country to come together
0:09:41why why would you put a coffee mug in
0:09:44the cupboard where all of the detritus
0:09:48that falls from the sky
0:09:49I see me what you're worried about
0:09:51gravity plus the Flies mm and the like
0:09:56geckos yeah like anything that wants to
0:09:59get out of the night geckos
0:10:01well shit the with the woofers and
0:10:03tweeters come out of your speakers in
0:10:04the middle of the night and they're
0:10:05going around licking all the rims
0:10:07that's what they do they like the rims
0:10:09they climb into your cups and pots
0:10:10stander back into the speakers in the
0:10:13morning before you get down
0:10:15yeah yeah so no you put the lips down
0:10:17and then all that stuff they're just you
0:10:20know they're like all you see them all
0:10:22the geckos know the tweeters they're all
0:10:25like clawing at the cop let me and let
0:10:27me in i want to get on the get in the
0:10:30cabins like sorry buddy but up
0:10:32mhm now at that particular event was
0:10:36there was there a sense that somebody
0:10:39will take care of this
0:10:40no because that there was some times
0:10:43that that's what happens when you get an
0:10:44event like that is and get you actually
0:10:46this does there's a thread that runs
0:10:48through all of this which is like being
0:10:49around people who have just as strong
0:10:52feeling about how to do this as you do
0:10:55and it's very very different like a
0:10:57different feeling about how this should
0:10:58go
0:10:59you don't mean I do like there's always
0:11:02there who's like never watched edition
0:11:04their life they're like they're gonna
0:11:05think that's in front that's an attack
0:11:06that's a punishment
0:11:08OIC doing dishes just any of it just me
0:11:11or whether it's going to the meeting
0:11:12where they talk for literally 45 minutes
0:11:14about how to deal with the fact that the
0:11:16chickens are pooping in the yard and
0:11:17gets on the children shoes I did feel
0:11:19like that was a punishment
0:11:20mmm
0:11:21then see the first party I went to the
0:11:23NAG guy meg I was the one that was like
0:11:27well your mom doesn't live here
0:11:29hmm where I was like all right pal but
0:11:34the second one it's like we're gonna
0:11:36wear a dinner party and its fancy fancy
0:11:40enough we're making our own pasta
0:11:43wow I'm not gonna be the one that's
0:11:46sitting in the chair a pretending that
0:11:49retained a nap when the dishes need to
0:11:51get washed
0:11:52you know i'm not going to be the ones
0:11:53like huh what does not just take care of
0:11:56itself you know you're trying to get
0:11:58called on in class like not like noticed
0:12:00yeah you don't want to be that you want
0:12:01to be the one that's like way that's a
0:12:02step ahead of the game i can't let me
0:12:04get in there and get me to take care of
0:12:05that sin there's the guy that I've been
0:12:07which is a seems only slightly better
0:12:10but is actually much worse which is um
0:12:12you guys want me to do the dishes but no
0:12:15no you relax somebody else such as the
0:12:17dishes never asked what does somebody
0:12:20want me to get more beer
0:12:22no don't know you just you just you just
0:12:24sit here and play DJ oh that's right
0:12:28that is a job tho never cursed me to be
0:12:31DJ really uh no I leave that to people
0:12:37that have strong feelings about being DJ
0:12:38em but when I'm appointed DJ hmm then
0:12:44look out the roof is coming off this
0:12:46party mhm I mean I love being DJ I'm
0:12:49just not gonna I'm not gonna stand in
0:12:51line to be DJ and I'm not gonna sit
0:12:54there and you know like I'm not unzip my
0:12:56pants m to be DJ ok i was a little bit
0:13:00here oh my niece's wedding a couple
0:13:02years ago because I was the only person
0:13:03who had such great heights on the phone
0:13:05oh that's nothing which we live in now
0:13:08is likely there's a caller to call out
0:13:09the the bride is a couple drinks she
0:13:12really wants to hear such great heights
0:13:13and they are oddly enough the DJ didn't
0:13:15have it
0:13:15this is a call to all mhm um she was a
0:13:20whole she got a little tipsy and she was
0:13:23like oh they're both guys hates her day
0:13:27you know and you're like step size
0:13:31inbee man is here actually gonna
0:13:35constantly you district sleeps alone is
0:13:37really good but that doesn't mean you
0:13:39know what that that's kind of
0:13:41lesser-known track but i think it's got
0:13:43a lot of trooper who leases REM demos
0:13:45have you ever heard
0:13:46guided by voices all gather around i'm
0:13:50going to show you guys how to kick at a
0:13:51party set aside your chicken dance it
0:13:54haha i would if i were if I were djing a
0:14:03wedding i would just play god only knows
0:14:05on permanent loop
0:14:06oh that's a great choice you know you
0:14:09don't know where that song ends so you
0:14:11can just loop if you loop it properly
0:14:13just keep going yeah he totally could
0:14:16and maybe people would notice but you
0:14:18know i have a this is I guess kind of a
0:14:19bit but i have a problem with wedding
0:14:22djs it's like every part of the getting
0:14:25married industry it has a great gaping
0:14:28maw and giant teeth and you think it's
0:14:31gonna be a friendly dragon you think
0:14:32like they say oh you know we can make
0:14:34these petty fours just the way you want
0:14:36the buttercreams gonna be exactly like
0:14:38your dreams and you know it's like no no
0:14:42the ER and never forget this Miami my
0:14:44primary high school girlfriend got
0:14:46married and went to your wedding
0:14:48the German secondary high school program
0:14:49i had secondary and tertiary high school
0:14:51girlfriends but my primary high school
0:14:52girlfriend was kinda nuts aren't
0:14:54watching body but I went to her wedding
0:14:56and and she had been like super clear
0:15:00with the DJ about a few things and like
0:15:04she you know you know everybody is
0:15:06whether you're given birth
0:15:07we're getting married you're making a
0:15:08website you got certain things you have
0:15:10like not that much of a feeling about a
0:15:12couple things we like I really want to
0:15:14have this one thing I wanted dancing
0:15:15panda and head of the page and then you
0:15:17might have some things we go like I
0:15:18really it's so important to me above all
0:15:21else that these things not happen right
0:15:23away no rhinoceroses know and she said
0:15:27she's looked into his eyes and said I i
0:15:30am the bride
0:15:32hey and here's here's here's a very
0:15:35serves two things she's like I want you
0:15:37to play at one point I'm gonna want you
0:15:40to play melt with you modern English
0:15:43would be
0:15:44got the original or the the what the
0:15:46original no I given given one of my
0:15:50primary high school girlfriend it was it
0:15:51was definitely be the yeah the original
0:15:53you remember you remember they came out
0:15:55with it again like two years later
0:15:57bringing on the heartbreak
0:15:59that's right that's right that's right
0:16:01when they came out the next record they
0:16:02think of me like think a lot of people
0:16:04would listen to the original bringing on
0:16:06the heartbreak and be kind of maybe even
0:16:08confused because it doesn't have the
0:16:10keyboard and stuff on it rite of the
0:16:12second it's much more about the John
0:16:14John John you know what I mean to do is
0:16:17it's a different song and I think are
0:16:19the request i see i remember her
0:16:20enjoying the chicken dance but I feel
0:16:22like she said something there was some
0:16:24kind of one of those things that every
0:16:26DJ does unless for the sake of this
0:16:28argument let's say it's the chicken
0:16:29dance
0:16:29she was the chicken big pop up above a
0:16:34bump and this dance that goes with that
0:16:36we flap your arms you ever done a
0:16:37chicken dance
0:16:38what you see you sweating and you've
0:16:41never done a chicken dance
0:16:42this feels like a very regional idea of
0:16:45how to marry another person it's kinda
0:16:48like suburban moral stance we really
0:16:49gotta get back to more stances simple
0:16:50this is a masquerade nothing
0:16:52it's like a macro and thinking how green
0:16:53is like a wedding thing now I see the
0:16:56only reason i am said macaroni the thing
0:16:58is that somehow I knew that it was a
0:16:59wedding thing but I don't know about
0:17:00chicken pants okay i don't know from
0:17:02chicken dances yeah but you know but you
0:17:05know how to DJ at a wedding this i mean
0:17:06no disrespect to the industry of wedding
0:17:08teaches i'm sure they're hard-working
0:17:09people but they do have a way they like
0:17:12to do things and they got a bit somebody
0:17:13has on microphone and they start running
0:17:15things and they become the over-the-top
0:17:18like drive time DJ person who mcs your
0:17:22wedding and tells everybody when it's
0:17:24time to do what some people really like
0:17:26that but looking I'm sorry to interrupt
0:17:29now please
0:17:30I don't really go anywhere with this
0:17:31like some time just talk about sadness
0:17:32well but i need the bride very sad
0:17:35because because you played the fucking
0:17:36chicken dance and he did not even have a
0:17:39copy of modern English's mail with you
0:17:41which seems unconscionable to me
0:17:42well if you asked for specifically the
0:17:44soup yeah good I I guess have not been
0:17:49to a lot of weddings
0:17:50ok and that may seem that may seem
0:17:52strange right you and I'm not gonna take
0:17:55that seems very strange because you are
0:17:56an event
0:17:57and you get invited to a lot of things
0:17:59you go to a lot of things
0:18:00yeah it seems you would have been 240
0:18:04weddings
0:18:06yes ice I you know like I I can see
0:18:10where it might seem like that
0:18:11okay but I have performed as the
0:18:15officiant at but let's say a dozen
0:18:21wedding
0:18:22no kidding i have officiated a dozen
0:18:25weddings including a couple of weddings
0:18:29of people very close to me I the drummer
0:18:31of the long winters I efficient his
0:18:33wedding I officiated me or my nabil
0:18:36seals was officiated Nick Harmer's
0:18:39wedding the bass player of death kappa
0:18:40cute
0:18:41wow I appreciate i have officiated a lot
0:18:45of weddings but i have not been to many
0:18:49weddings where I wasn't officiated haha
0:18:53kinda night going to PTA meetings if I
0:18:55may say mmm right you don't you're
0:18:58experiencing this in a very different
0:18:59way than most people
0:19:01yeah right i mean and so so I've always
0:19:04felt a little bit of responsibility for
0:19:06the wedding going going well
0:19:09absolutely uh but that responsibility
0:19:12ends when they say i do and like I don't
0:19:21have any sense of what the wedding djs
0:19:24doing past that point but all of the
0:19:27weddings I've really all the ones I've
0:19:29ever been to have been indie-rock
0:19:32weddings where like same beam was the
0:19:40music so lets you know what sort of
0:19:43unconventional well yeah there's not if
0:19:46there's a DJ it's someone that we all
0:19:49know right like it's it's like Chris
0:19:52wall or something right
0:19:54and why would that be a great wedding DJ
0:19:56right yeah no chicken dance tho puku and
0:20:01also dated checks from david bowie's
0:20:03Berlin period it is like down waiting
0:20:08for little sound and vision ever
0:20:10buddy dance it's just music for airports
0:20:12and what ball inside 1 is over but he
0:20:16lets the needle run for a minute because
0:20:18this far as my hair
0:20:19bom bom bom-bom so I really gets rocking
0:20:25I have no idea at all what a
0:20:29conventional wedding is like and I'm
0:20:31kidding that's so interesting to me i
0:20:33hear people talk about them and I hear
0:20:35that you know and I hear about
0:20:37bridezillas and I hear that a that drunk
0:20:41rooms and I look at pictures sometimes
0:20:44online of wedding parties and I think
0:20:46why are they dressed like that and I
0:20:48hear that weddings are very expensive
0:20:50and that they're very stressful for
0:20:52people like I I know about weddings
0:20:57ok but either i don't get invited to
0:21:00them uh well conventional weddings or
0:21:07maybe I have been invited to them and I
0:21:09didn't open the evite because I don't
0:21:11open invites now that that's good policy
0:21:14um they were all together hitch up on
0:21:16facebook you know what I'm you know the
0:21:18thing is if you send me any bite who you
0:21:20don't have my phone number to text me
0:21:22and say why don't you open my evite
0:21:25there should be a name for this you
0:21:26don't know your name for this phenomenon
0:21:28right
0:21:30don't you think i mean like i have
0:21:32weddings but there should be a name for
0:21:33this phenomenon haha GG almost got me
0:21:35there if you really if you really knew
0:21:38me you would never have sent us it's
0:21:40like a canary trap
0:21:41yeah yeah yeahs an evite when an evite
0:21:44arrives in my inbox I i scan who it's
0:21:48from
0:21:49I make a mental note that person wants
0:21:51something once we'd either attend
0:21:54something or want something for me and
0:21:56then I await a second communication i
0:21:59see like a warning shot
0:22:01yeah that's right like alright alright
0:22:03Teddy I saw that you sent me bite
0:22:06let's let's see how serious you are
0:22:09about this i got a very I got a very
0:22:12terse email from uh from a bride not
0:22:16very long ago saying reply to my email
0:22:20and I said but I I can't find it
0:22:26oh and she said you bastard
0:22:30mmm it is hard enough to put automatic
0:22:33this is hard enough without forty
0:22:39percent of the people i know not sending
0:22:42the card back in a self-addressed stamp
0:22:45card right and then I send emails to
0:22:49that forty percent and fully twenty
0:22:51percent don't reply to the email oh my
0:22:53goodness and then I text that twenty
0:22:56percent and here you and I are standing
0:23:00standing on to like a two tiny little
0:23:06roadrunner plateaus in a bit but the
0:23:10skies turn red and the ground isn't
0:23:13inflamed and more quality in terms
0:23:14though it's more like she has to go
0:23:16door-to-door and like stand there while
0:23:18you're obviously she can see your shadow
0:23:20on the screen look you're obviously
0:23:20standing there like open the fucking
0:23:22door
0:23:23but why and now you're on the here
0:23:27it felt so bad for I felt badly because
0:23:32I understand in a lot of cases that i
0:23:36meant to know better
0:23:41Wow back tilt we don't know better
0:23:46all by way of saying that i have never
0:23:50been to a wedding in an event space
0:23:52where the where the bride didn't know
0:23:55the DJ already as a friend so I don't
0:23:59know what I don't know from even from
0:24:01Mac arena
0:24:02I don't know from I don't know from but
0:24:05I always know the parents of the of the
0:24:08people already like a so I can't believe
0:24:13that at my advanced age i'm sitting here
0:24:16thinking about it I can't think of a
0:24:19wedding I've been to in 25 years that
0:24:22didn't have some where I didn't either
0:24:27know every single person there or where
0:24:29it wasn't like being held
0:24:32a rowboat or something you know so this
0:24:39episode of Roderick on the line is
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0:25:56rod on the line and all the great shows
0:25:59so so i'm i'm i'm so divorced from from
0:26:05what the from this whole not just the
0:26:07wedding culture but like the like what
0:26:09everyone must have gone everyone i know
0:26:11that's married that I don't know well
0:26:13enough to have been there but they must
0:26:14have gone through
0:26:15well it's it's butterly fraud because
0:26:17everything you're saying is true and as
0:26:21usual
0:26:22yeah sure and and and so one thing about
0:26:27this is everything you're describing is
0:26:28true and ever thus it's been I assume
0:26:31like it is costly it is complicated it's
0:26:33emotionally difficult because there's a
0:26:37certain kind of like
0:26:40class sorting you have to be the sorting
0:26:43hat for all these different people and
0:26:46decide all kinds of things like and you
0:26:48see this for example with table
0:26:49arrangements for you to start like who's
0:26:51at what table and how you're going to
0:26:52mix that up and there's this constant
0:26:54type but I guess what I think in general
0:26:56is constant tightrope walk on the one
0:26:58hand like you think is what you think
0:27:00those weddings are like is probably not
0:27:02far off what they're like
0:27:04because a lot of our sense of what we
0:27:06get about wedding what wedding should be
0:27:08is from TV's and movies and from other
0:27:10weddings we've been to so on the one
0:27:13hand there's this pressure to like put
0:27:15on this thing for your family and to
0:27:16extend your friends that was really in a
0:27:19lot of ways weddings are about everybody
0:27:21but you
0:27:22they're just like funerals yeah that's
0:27:24what they're not for the living
0:27:25that's that's a very very good point but
0:27:28it isn't someone is really about
0:27:29throwing a party that's going to be this
0:27:32satisfying our ritual for all the
0:27:36important people in your life you have
0:27:38to whether you want to or not you kind
0:27:40of have to think about stepping on toes
0:27:41like thinking about like okay is is
0:27:45divorced dad going to be here and
0:27:47divorce mom going to be there and is is
0:27:49she going to bring her boyfriend all
0:27:52that kind of the drinks he drinks right
0:27:53who drinks and then who's gonna walk her
0:27:56down the aisle and like she wants that
0:27:58to be her decision she might want her
0:28:00English professor to walk her down the
0:28:02aisle but she can because divorce dad
0:28:03will get mad and etc etc setup button so
0:28:06but i think there's this line try to
0:28:08walk like making it the big event for
0:28:10the couple making it the pretentious
0:28:13maybe even vaguely mumbo-jumbo religious
0:28:16event probably for some of your family
0:28:18but you're also constant tightrope is
0:28:20also weighing that against like oh but I
0:28:22don't want this to be a cliché I want
0:28:24it and once I want mine to be different
0:28:26so we're going to write our own vows and
0:28:28these days almost everybody raised their
0:28:29own valves or you know what I mean
0:28:30there's something about it you're going
0:28:32to do the flowers in this different way
0:28:33and it all at all costs money it all
0:28:35takes time and I'll takes resources so I
0:28:38mean it is it's is I mean like for
0:28:40example my niece for whom I was the
0:28:42efficient in the only wedding she could
0:28:44not have been more mellow about the
0:28:46whole thing to wear it was like I was
0:28:48the one emailing her like so is this ok
0:28:49it's alright just not be fine
0:28:51like make it a little bit like the
0:28:53spiritual or something
0:28:54and I was like okay a little bit of Book
0:28:56of Common Prayer funny anecdote where
0:28:59some nice shoes with all the Bible was
0:29:01written is that right yeah yeah we're
0:29:04sumbitches chill just don't where's more
0:29:06religious stuff they got animal stories
0:29:08they got fire
0:29:09that's right that's right there's some
0:29:11there's a lot of adventure hydrant magic
0:29:13john is like magic in the Bible they are
0:29:14gladiators gladiators get Wizards yeah
0:29:17you gotta get healings you get fish just
0:29:20throw a little bit more religious stuff
0:29:22in there and we're good
0:29:23you think that passes through like a
0:29:24second draft and gets passed around the
0:29:25writers room and like I like the loaves
0:29:28and fishes but I'm not really seeing the
0:29:30connection with God
0:29:31well yeah I think it does i think each
0:29:33one of the I think each one of the
0:29:34writers had a little bit of leeway also
0:29:37the Sadducees are coming across little
0:29:39jewy to me we turn that down a little
0:29:40bit but the thing is then you know then
0:29:43it goes to committee right and it's the
0:29:45council of nicea it takes it apart and
0:29:47then Augustine's got other things to say
0:29:49about you get the diet of worms it's and
0:29:51takes a long time to get to get a script
0:29:53into production
0:29:54yeah all my gosh and then you get stuck
0:29:56in turn around what is that right it's
0:29:58an epic picture you're going to have to
0:30:00get going to get a lot of hard to build
0:30:02a set of Cleopatra twice because the
0:30:05first one was they used metric instead
0:30:07of instant alert three or four minute
0:30:10youtube videos i'm not really sure but i
0:30:11think something happened with a
0:30:13elizabeth taylor got sick and then they
0:30:15had to like use it for something else
0:30:17and then rebuild the set and even though
0:30:18it was the top movie of that year it
0:30:21still didn't turn back turn back and
0:30:24that's something that's inside talk
0:30:26about some Hollywood we did not even
0:30:27gotten into the whole gift conundrum
0:30:30so like a lot of you with the wedding
0:30:32yes a lot of people our wedding you want
0:30:33to say hey don't give us gifts well you
0:30:35know what turns out that's not actually
0:30:37that cool thing to say because the thing
0:30:39is you're on who loves you really wants
0:30:42to not just give you something but wants
0:30:44to give you something memorable your I
0:30:46don't be unkind but you're kind of
0:30:47denying them the chance to do something
0:30:48that's important to them it's one of the
0:30:50many bullets you have to take when
0:30:52you're when you're getting married is up
0:30:54to give you LOL you have to register you
0:30:56don't have to but your entire family is
0:30:58going to be like no like I really want
0:31:00to get you something
0:31:01yeah and then you gotta figure out a
0:31:03range of prices you gotta put a big bang
0:31:05on there so if you do something to do
0:31:07we just want money towards our mortgage
0:31:08like that might not go over all that
0:31:10well someone like just pay for our
0:31:12honeymoon that some people are doing
0:31:14things like that you could pay off my
0:31:15student debt
0:31:16well yeah i wanna know yeah I could do
0:31:18that but like candy some spoons or
0:31:20something
0:31:21spoons yeah I do that I some i think
0:31:24somewhere with a long time ago I went to
0:31:27one of the early weddings when I you
0:31:30know but which I mean one of the first
0:31:32ones ever was Abraham and Sarah uh-huh
0:31:35uh-huh and uh and it was Abraham and
0:31:40Mary are you telling me refresh sorry
0:31:42top and they said we look for if that's
0:31:47funny
0:31:48ok your little one for that they they
0:31:50said we don't want gifts this when so
0:31:54different is that we don't want gifts
0:31:59and so I took that tube bikes i took
0:32:02that to be how weddings are and that I
0:32:05just have always extended that to
0:32:07everyone
0:32:07ok alright so because I was the first
0:32:11one I went to didn't want gifts
0:32:12yeah why would any subsequent when it's
0:32:14a little learning pattern and you
0:32:16internalize they see that's my that's my
0:32:17new pattern now I said it was supposedly
0:32:19you get a year to give a gift that's the
0:32:21conventional wisdom
0:32:22oh so you want when I'm the hook one
0:32:26wedding i went to i did give the bride
0:32:29and groom very fancy matching gift
0:32:32because I felt like I thought like the
0:32:37groom had done many great
0:32:39he he he had been a good friend over the
0:32:42years and that this was a group this was
0:32:44a a 0 a gift commensurate with the
0:32:48amount of love that I felt who and and
0:32:54the bride and groom received the gift
0:32:56very you know like graciously like oh
0:33:00thanks like that we receive a men's
0:33:03wallet
0:33:04we're here sort of like the way you if I
0:33:07had handed them a casserole and when
0:33:10they looked at the casserole it had
0:33:12pasta but also like eminem top stitched
0:33:19whatever like thanks like this is my
0:33:23family was on you but I add a ska added
0:33:27skills because it's because i love
0:33:29skittles and then those gifts which were
0:33:34you know which were pretty nice like it
0:33:37was basically like here is here is a
0:33:40taxidermy to ramshead there's only one
0:33:44place it can go over the mantel right
0:33:47you don't give you don't take a
0:33:48taxidermy man rams head and put it in
0:33:50the downstairs bathroom it comes it's
0:33:52like one ramshead in 10 assumptions
0:33:54yeah right well sure first of all that
0:33:56you want to ram set and second that
0:33:57you're gonna you're gonna put it up if
0:33:58you're gonna put it up right this whole
0:34:00chain of dependencies like that gives
0:34:01you if i give you a ram said you're
0:34:03gonna be moving some shit around
0:34:04yeah like Jason fan of the President of
0:34:06the United States of America hasn't a
0:34:08great number of platinum albums because
0:34:11the president the united states of
0:34:12america went platinum their their first
0:34:16album went platinum in like 50 countries
0:34:19or something I know they have let me
0:34:20know they're platinum records from
0:34:22Uzbekistan
0:34:23huh there were multiple multiple
0:34:25platinum records for them in australia
0:34:29new zealand canada and europe and
0:34:31america like and then known that and the
0:34:33the new style of that is instead of one
0:34:36big vinyl platinum record in a frame
0:34:39it's like a frame with five CDs I think
0:34:43that you just have to re-authenticate
0:34:44with the itunes store you download your
0:34:46record up you download your get your war
0:34:49you record but so Jason would Jason you
0:34:53know he's not somebody that's going to
0:34:54put a big platinum record on in his
0:34:56living he's got paintings
0:34:58yeah he's got a lot of fantastic art a
0:35:00great art collection he's not gonna he's
0:35:01not going to even just have one of them
0:35:03right like the best one I don't know
0:35:05what the best one was if you had a
0:35:07platinum record from Uzbekistan if I had
0:35:09one
0:35:09forget it front and center no question
0:35:12other and their be the spotlights on it
0:35:14but if you wanted to see any of the like
0:35:18Jason kept them in the downstairs
0:35:19bathroom right because he's like what am
0:35:22I gonna do with all these planet record
0:35:23and and they weren't all on display
0:35:25right it was just like sort of all the
0:35:27little put this here and then a couple
0:35:29of them in a box
0:35:30something there's you know we use one as
0:35:31a we put one on the on the coffee table
0:35:34and that's in the garage though you know
0:35:36the coffee table that's like stacked in
0:35:38the garage anyway that's not what you're
0:35:41going to do if somebody gives you a
0:35:42taxidermied ramshead it's not gonna fit
0:35:44in the downstairs bathroom there's one
0:35:45spot for and so I gave them the i gave
0:35:49the bride and groom this lovely gift and
0:35:50it just went away I never heard about it
0:35:53again still haven't about it don't know
0:35:56where it is it's in the world somewhere
0:35:57i'm assuming it's not didn't go
0:36:00immediately into the fire
0:36:02I it has intrinsic value not just not
0:36:06just like friend value it's like a thing
0:36:08you could pawn and it feels like the
0:36:10kind of gift that lots of families
0:36:13actually one of my favorite holiday
0:36:14traditions in some families is like the
0:36:15the weird gift that gets really gifted
0:36:18every year
0:36:19mm you run into this cheesecake are the
0:36:22three cubed fruit cake with fruit cake
0:36:24yeah we had an inflatable hammer in my
0:36:26family that went around every year but
0:36:28my friend Richard that a quasi-religious
0:36:30skipped the season is did you hide it
0:36:32under a bushel my friend Richard day I
0:36:38don't know how this thing started
0:36:39because some kind of ugly gift and
0:36:40basically when you're given that gift
0:36:42then you have to add something to it
0:36:45like hot glue something to it and then
0:36:46give it to somebody else the next year
0:36:48and so the weirdness accumulates every
0:36:50year and it gets weirder and stupider
0:36:51every year and I apparently it's a real
0:36:53joy of the bucket right family christmas
0:36:55is a great idea
0:36:57are you gonna see that I bet that you
0:36:58know what that might be in Martha
0:37:00Stewart or real simple at this point but
0:37:01I think that's I think that's a good
0:37:02idea as a as a gift idea what you think
0:37:06that the Rams Head could be something
0:37:07that you are you then maybe it's a
0:37:09wedding gift that you keep passing on
0:37:10other people
0:37:11it was like out of a kind of ad hoc
0:37:12monkey's paw that would have been fine
0:37:14and fun if they had done that
0:37:17yeah did you know I'm about it well
0:37:19that's the problem i don't know enough
0:37:21about weddings but I get a i get a sense
0:37:24that i get a sense from my other from
0:37:27all the many faux pas i have committed
0:37:30in so many other areas of human life
0:37:33yeah um that once you give someone a
0:37:36gift you do not it does not come with a
0:37:40guarantee
0:37:41like a reverse guarantee where I can
0:37:44call and find out what they did with it
0:37:45like not like saving a child it's not
0:37:49like you get a letter with a picture of
0:37:50the kid did you get fresh water too
0:37:54yeah well or I mean you could write they
0:37:56could every year say look here it is
0:37:58here's your gift we you know we take it
0:38:00every year
0:38:01ice fishing with us it's like the mascot
0:38:04of our ice fishing trip every year thank
0:38:06you so much
0:38:07if they don't do that if it's just like
0:38:10will never mention this gift again
0:38:13mhm um you can't call him five years
0:38:17later and say hey just wondering
0:38:21remember that super thoughtful gift I
0:38:24gave you guys just recently I mean if
0:38:31you're not using it
0:38:33yeah i mean shit dog get back a lot i
0:38:37think it i'll take it back
0:38:38uh you know I don't think you can do
0:38:40that i don't think that's I don't think
0:38:43that's kosher right so it's been a great
0:38:47lesson to me in letting go and letting
0:38:50god
0:38:51mm oh god that's easy as a chance for
0:38:53self-discovery
0:38:55yeah yeah where i'm like i still i mean
0:38:57i'm talking about it right now i still
0:38:59sit and go from wonder what I wonder if
0:39:04that's just in a box somewhere or ya did
0:39:07that get is that what did I get water
0:39:10damage in the flooded and they just had
0:39:13to toss it i want to say anything I I
0:39:17left and I left some stuff at a guy's
0:39:19house one time in the great city of
0:39:21Minneapolis and it wasn't it was stuff
0:39:24that was important to me including some
0:39:26journals some journals that I'd
0:39:29accidentally left when I decamped rather
0:39:33quickly and for a while we were in touch
0:39:38with one another and I was like God hey
0:39:41gotta get those journals from you
0:39:43hey buddy how's it going gotta get those
0:39:45journals from you and he's like yeah I
0:39:47yeah I got him right here
0:39:49you know I'm gonna I'm gonna send them
0:39:51on just got to get the
0:39:53just got to figure out how the post
0:39:55office works yeah I'm great well I can
0:39:57anything i can do just let me know just
0:40:00should want to get those back
0:40:02yep no problem and then one day he said
0:40:07uh and it wasn't like he wrote me it was
0:40:11that I wrote him and said so what about
0:40:13the journals let's revisit the journals
0:40:15and he said oh man there was a flood em
0:40:20and the journals got wet and they
0:40:26weren't really savable
0:40:27hmm so I tossed them and I was like what
0:40:29will whoa
0:40:31like I get the flood part you know
0:40:35floods happen but journals dry out too
0:40:42like you can dry a journal how and and
0:40:45and potentially like there are a lot of
0:40:47there's a lot of when you talk about
0:40:51journal
0:40:52yeah but you know i have somebody who's
0:40:53made a lot of lame excuses in life I can
0:40:56smell that that's that is a lame excuse
0:40:58he thought that was going to be his
0:40:59ticket to ride looking although
0:41:02everything flowed and so anyway well
0:41:03like yeah they're damaging flood end of
0:41:05conversation
0:41:06yeah and i was like i could if you'd
0:41:09sent them wet
0:41:10I could I could you know like bake them
0:41:13in the oven like it's not the it's not
0:41:17the paper i want it's the work mmm yeah
0:41:20world's my words gone gone forever you
0:41:25know many journals that lost over the
0:41:26years too many oh that you've openly and
0:41:29you've also had a lot of things stolen
0:41:31like you have lost the journal of with
0:41:33the stealing one time when you're in
0:41:34Europe have lost a few journals from
0:41:36stealing had a roommate one time a young
0:41:41woman who had a different idea of our
0:41:45roommate ship than I did him and when
0:41:48she moved out she moved out mad and took
0:41:52my journals what like didn't take the
0:41:57didn't take my art or whatever didn't
0:42:00take my guitar which would have been a
0:42:03great country song
0:42:05that you know if she'd taken my guitar
0:42:07that could be i'd still be dining out
0:42:09and take my art she didn't take my
0:42:12guitar took out the words that mean the
0:42:15world to me not page but the words on
0:42:17the page it
0:42:19yeah yeah took the journal support our
0:42:22troops
0:42:22how weird does she still have them what
0:42:26he's got into that self-same primary a
0:42:28high-school girlfriend whenever I was a
0:42:30shitheel and I was often a shitheel she
0:42:32would destroy one of my o2 sets one of
0:42:35your mixtapes no no usually one of my
0:42:37like Columbia House or self purchase
0:42:39cassettes but like that that's how I
0:42:41lost english settlement for example that
0:42:43double LP how did you destroy like pull
0:42:46the tape out orgy playgrounds you do I
0:42:49totally had it coming
0:42:50all but that's I mean that's like each
0:42:53pole must be even more gratifying to her
0:42:56that's not just like I'm throwing this
0:42:58in the garbage i'm not sure i learned my
0:42:59lesson as well as I should've just like
0:43:01every one of these polls just fucking
0:43:04Marlin locking haha ah that's all the
0:43:08world is football-shaped just for me to
0:43:11kick in space
0:43:12I can hear that i can see hear smell
0:43:14touch taste
0:43:16hey a funny story least some of my house
0:43:20and start using it
0:43:21this is happening on numerous occasions
0:43:23get back my furniture but Wright has an
0:43:25excellent name Richard left much was
0:43:27burning at the stuff at the place and
0:43:30learning about for exactly it's the
0:43:32stuff of bits you got the don't call it
0:43:34don't call its and its dust it's got the
0:43:36playa dust all over it
0:43:37so like I used one of his chairs from
0:43:40the burning man for a long time so that
0:43:42disappeared
0:43:43I've used I've used to i still using a
0:43:45sleeping bag when would you use good
0:43:47until it disappeared because that I left
0:43:49it's got a hog works but it's kind of a
0:43:51long strange story but I had a chair i
0:43:53left it this is this is not a Donovan
0:43:55song but I had a chair haha i left it
0:43:58somewhere
0:43:58it disappeared and i was saying my hair
0:44:01and then it came back another time in
0:44:03the chair was back but then I lost again
0:44:07and there are other agents that might be
0:44:09moving the chairs or there's so many
0:44:11things I try not to think about too much
0:44:13but it's a funny story about this thing
0:44:14right here
0:44:15my friend my friend Lance walked over to
0:44:20my house I don't know if we've been
0:44:23drinking to get there the night before
0:44:25but we were both really hungover this is
0:44:28probably late 1990s 19 anyone he walked
0:44:32over to my house and hang out and we
0:44:35both had some ibuprofen laying on the
0:44:36floor and he had a big cup of coffee cup
0:44:38of coffee and he left his coffee cup at
0:44:41my house and I am using it right the
0:44:44second we're using the coffee cup that
0:44:47Lance left at my house 25 years ago wow
0:44:52now I you know I nurse this i use this
0:44:56everyday this is my office coffee cup at
0:44:58this point it's also see photo it's a
0:45:00nice big cup it's it's like it's almost
0:45:02like a Stein and it's got lots of
0:45:04beautiful trees on it and it survived
0:45:06all those years is one of the few things
0:45:08in my life that hasn't broken I i love
0:45:12that story
0:45:13thank you but that's just like you you
0:45:16maintain that relationship by keeping
0:45:21that stuff in play
0:45:23yeah i have talked to many years but I
0:45:25still enjoy his cup he's a lot of this
0:45:26kind of thing we put it in a box and you
0:45:28say oh I've got to get this
0:45:30no it's not a collectible yeah yeah I
0:45:33don't know I've got to get this back to
0:45:34him
0:45:35oh no no he's never getting this back it
0:45:37would be kinda cool like especially like
0:45:38a no-go for babies on his deathbed his
0:45:40coffee cup back
0:45:41yeah yeah sure that's a little
0:45:42on-the-nose work that's where it gets
0:45:44married me up ringtone there it's not
0:45:47like you've ever left anything at my
0:45:48house unintentionally because it's a
0:45:51it's a very small number of times that
0:45:53you've never left your house that's
0:45:56that's true but but there have been a
0:45:58couple of times where you you loaned me
0:46:01some I've loan has lent or gifted you a
0:46:05strange array of things who somewhat
0:46:09recovered before but I really appreciate
0:46:11the fact that you you're so gracious at
0:46:14receiving things
0:46:16thank you know you really are I mean
0:46:18like when I go like oh here's this bag
0:46:20that was really expensive that I don't
0:46:22like and I lost the strap do you want it
0:46:24and you're like you really can capture
0:46:26i'll have it
0:46:28and then I found the strap and give you
0:46:29the strap you did and that bag is a
0:46:31great bag that man ack did i tell you
0:46:34that i tell you that i found the
0:46:37matching bag
0:46:39no way it's that was it red ox it's
0:46:41right off its a that was the bag on like
0:46:43those like learn how to pack one bag
0:46:45websites that was the one that was
0:46:46recommended and I hated it it was you
0:46:49had to carry on your shoulder and was
0:46:50like Lou big yeah yeah too big for not
0:46:53having wheels or something
0:46:54yeah if you're going to pack a small bag
0:46:55have the bag be small that's really you
0:46:57know what that's a great tip you know
0:46:59what I'm saying i do but so I was at a
0:47:02thrift store months later and i found
0:47:04the the identical red ox bag except blue
0:47:08wow that's so cool yeah and it was only
0:47:11a dollar that's a that's a costly bag
0:47:15yeah and I said Merlin told me this was
0:47:17a costly bag it's obviously a costly bag
0:47:20by the amount of expense that's evident
0:47:23in it in the quality of its manufacturer
0:47:26it seems like something that was made in
0:47:29America it feels great hearty it's a
0:47:32hardy bag it's got a nice got really
0:47:34nice zippers on it it's like a the beef
0:47:36stew of bags mike is more expensive than
0:47:37I remember
0:47:38and so I did you know what that's like a
0:47:40one of a kind of like a thick satchel em
0:47:43like they're like it's called a fix
0:47:45actual phone call the mini-boss on my
0:47:47god
0:47:48anyway i bought the second one and now i
0:47:50have a matching set on basically they're
0:47:53like I could turn them into motorcycle
0:47:55pans if I allowed myself to consider
0:48:00riding a motorcycle oh don't do that
0:48:02I've taken just recently I've taken
0:48:06riding motorcycles out of the can't wait
0:48:12to do it any day now file and put it
0:48:16into I wonder if I'm ever going to be
0:48:18able to revisit that I all really
0:48:21interesting
0:48:22yeah and I don't like having done it but
0:48:24I I just tell you I mean I know I kind
0:48:26of don't want to talk about it because I
0:48:27worry about you worried about your
0:48:28safety but I could I could really see
0:48:31you in the motorcycle i could see the
0:48:33three motorcycles
0:48:34oh no oh I know I and I you know I could
0:48:37see me getting three motorcycles too but
0:48:39i would need to live somewhere where
0:48:41didn't rain all the time all a top like
0:48:44the nation's likes steepest most
0:48:47difficult hills to traverse mhm like
0:48:50it's just this is a stupid town on a
0:48:52motorcycle in unless you have one of
0:48:54those motorcycles that's like died I
0:48:58motorcycle like if i lived in San Diego
0:49:01no never it's flat it's dry as flat as
0:49:04dry you just get on your motorcycle
0:49:05put-put-put you go from place to place
0:49:07if you like a Navy SEAL you're here at
0:49:10the Navy SEAL basis right out to the
0:49:11beach on your on your crotch rocket
0:49:13there you go that's exactly right but i
0:49:15have a have a friend who was a was a
0:49:20loss Angelino motorcyclist who just died
0:49:25just a time when a car he's been riding
0:49:30motorcycles his whole life he's
0:49:31obviously very good at riding motorcycle
0:49:34he's not he's not like didn't just hop
0:49:37on a motorcycle been writing an email
0:49:39way we're 25 years and just car mr. car
0:49:45I'm so sorry not a thing that he could
0:49:47have been anything about that's what i
0:49:50said if your motorcycle you just have to
0:49:52assume that nobody sees you you have to
0:49:55yeah it already is it was my daughter
0:49:57like I said when we look at whatever way
0:49:59across the street I would say to her you
0:50:00are a motorcycle
0:50:01the thing is nobody sees motorcycles
0:50:03because they're not the pattern matching
0:50:05for driving a car does not account for
0:50:07bicycles motorcycles anything it's not
0:50:09another car people just to ICU they
0:50:12don't see you and the thing is they
0:50:14don't even see other cars people are
0:50:16crashing into things all the time and if
0:50:18he had been in a car this person still
0:50:21might have crashed into him
0:50:22it's just that he wouldn't have been
0:50:24like dismembered you must have to become
0:50:28very you know phrase defensive driving
0:50:32you must have to become so aware of your
0:50:35surroundings you know when you get such
0:50:37v square inches of tire on the road at a
0:50:39given time and you've got so much
0:50:42potential power under you i mean you
0:50:44could I mean it's just you know any
0:50:46almost any motorcycle you could get on
0:50:48and go really fast really quickly if you
0:50:50bring a lot you know I'm
0:50:52I'm not criticizing and I have we have a
0:50:54friend out there who enjoys the show the
0:50:55most of guy and so I'm you know I'm not
0:50:58riding motorcycles but it must take a
0:51:00lot of self-restraint and a lot of
0:51:01self-awareness to be safe on a
0:51:03motorcycle
0:51:04this is my problem on a motorcycle
0:51:06because when i get on a motorcycle
0:51:08I'm like a super cautious respectful
0:51:11driver and then have to learn how to get
0:51:15how to do one you can do a motorcycle
0:51:17i'll have driven a motorcycle across
0:51:18America halfway across America until I
0:51:21crashed it
0:51:22ok ok let's not let's not focus on the
0:51:24crashing probably not liar
0:51:26let's talk about let's let's focus on
0:51:27that this all the safe driving ID right
0:51:30up until i graphed feels like an
0:51:34important metaphor for something that's
0:51:35been spent a considerable amount of time
0:51:37in the hospital and then went to jail
0:51:39let's not let's not go through that
0:51:42whole chain of events every story
0:51:44requires careful editing will head to
0:51:46think about the good safe time I spent
0:51:50on the moors but I you know I'm a Vespa
0:51:53rider all of us until very recently but
0:51:56the problem is when i get on a high pass
0:51:58a hypo motorcycle one that has this
0:52:00power that you're talking about working
0:52:01with a flick of a wrist you can go from
0:52:03zero to a thousand very very quickly
0:52:08surprisingly quickly like shocking to
0:52:11myself how quickly it happens I turn
0:52:15into that person where someone's in the
0:52:17left-turn lane and they're not they
0:52:21they're waiting for the traffic to come
0:52:23the other direction to make their turn
0:52:25someone's in the right lane with their
0:52:27blinker on waiting to turn right to do a
0:52:30right at the light but there's someone
0:52:32in the crosswalk walking and I thread
0:52:35the like three-and-a-half feet between
0:52:39the bumpers of the two cars at 45 miles
0:52:43an hour
0:52:43em and with the full knowledge that
0:52:47there's someone coming the opposite
0:52:49direction with their blinker on about to
0:52:51turn right in front of me but you see
0:52:54you see that opportunity and it just
0:52:55feels like that's John size hole too
0:52:57so here we go because I see that the
0:52:59people walking across the crosswalk that
0:53:00are blocking the guy that's about to
0:53:02turn in front of me are still blocking
0:53:03him enough that if
0:53:04everybody behaves perfectly rational e.m
0:53:08there's a slot here for me and what then
0:53:11I do it and end my blood goes cold
0:53:15I'm like you idiot that is the classics
0:53:18situation if one of those people is even
0:53:22slightly distracted if one of them
0:53:24behave even slightly abnormally which
0:53:27everyone does all the time then you are
0:53:30a casualty think why did they stop
0:53:32moving in the same trajectory that
0:53:34you're expecting or they make a little
0:53:36micro change and everything so it takes
0:53:39micro change because a lot of those are
0:53:42that slot isn't three feet yet the slot
0:53:46has not opened yet because everybody's
0:53:48still slightly in motion your schedule
0:53:50to see how your skating with the fuck is
0:53:51going to be that's right you see the
0:53:53opportunity right you're leading the
0:53:55you're here you're in a Sopwith Camel
0:53:58you are leading the fucker tribe wing
0:54:01and that was a new house brand new
0:54:04technology then we can end it away i
0:54:07feel like it still is a brand-new
0:54:08technology now but that is the thing
0:54:10that keep that that gets me back off the
0:54:12motorcycle I park the motorcycle and I
0:54:15say daddy's not old enough yet to drive
0:54:18a motorcycle even though he's 47 years
0:54:21old he does not have the good sense that
0:54:24God gave a chicken cannot cannot stand
0:54:28in a field and look up at the rain until
0:54:31he drowns checking the weather so I
0:54:37stopped so i stopped and then I spent
0:54:40but the thing is that doesn't stop me
0:54:41from Step sitting online and saying wow
0:54:43that looks cycle boy if I had that
0:54:46motorcycle then all of my problems would
0:54:49be solved I see the appeal because it's
0:54:51not so different from the appeal of a
0:54:52bicycle which is just this like this is
0:54:55this this little thing that you can get
0:54:57lots it or even a skateboard like
0:54:58there's little thing that can get me
0:54:59lots of places but in that case man
0:55:02that's that's part of the American dream
0:55:03to a motorcycle
0:55:04well yeah it's could I see what you're
0:55:07saying about the bicycle but in another
0:55:08way it's utterly unlike a bicycle
0:55:10because if you are invited to a wedding
0:55:12let's say you can I don't know much
0:55:14about weddings the ends into that me
0:55:16previously stipulated but i'm guessing
0:55:18if you're invited to a wedding and you
0:55:19ride up to the wedding on a bicycle
0:55:21shingling is in your gear and write with
0:55:27your little your little flippy hat and
0:55:29you're and you're clapping shoes and
0:55:31your you're like the wet pants or
0:55:35whatever
0:55:36Oh like but that's not how you roll or
0:55:39maybe like one of those rear view
0:55:40mirrors that's clipped to your glasses
0:55:41right that's not how you roll up to a
0:55:43wedding but if you roll up to a wedding
0:55:45on a like a superboss seventies style
0:55:49like chopped hardtail panhead
0:55:56mm well no I like those words you roll
0:56:00up to a wedding it on on one of those in
0:56:04a in a tuxedo with some like some bausch
0:56:10and lomb like commando sunglasses with
0:56:16your with your date on the back with
0:56:18your date riding on the back fender
0:56:20because you don't even have a passenger
0:56:21you paint quite a picture my friend
0:56:23you're you're not riding up to that
0:56:25wedding on a bicycle who you know now
0:56:27right you're right you're absolutely
0:56:28right you are riding up to that wedding
0:56:31on a carpet of dreams
0:56:32oh my goodness on a fucking on a rain on
0:56:35a loud rainbow his way you know like a
0:56:39rainbow with a bumper sticker that says
0:56:42a lot of pipe save lives and then the
0:56:45wedding belongs to you write some fried
0:56:47everything belongs to you can leave that
0:56:49wedding with whatever any problems in
0:56:51love but only this show by paul williams
0:56:53in this case
0:56:54yeah you show up he show up on your gas
0:56:57Molly with your with your heavy breaks
0:56:59and you're in your passion loam a
0:57:01costume
0:57:02yeah and then all of a sudden you're
0:57:04like Bugsy mala and the bride's thinking
0:57:07man I sit on that tailpipe
0:57:09hell yes LOL the tailpipe is wrapped in
0:57:12some is wrapped in like fabric tape
0:57:15that's your gift to her because boom
0:57:17pumping yeah right your gift to that
0:57:19wedding is that you came
0:57:21mmm
0:57:21didn't know so I I just feel like but I
0:57:26had to step I had to step back from that
0:57:28and then of course the other flip the
0:57:30other motorcycle is the is the tsunami
0:57:34motorcycle the apocalypse motorcycle
0:57:36while we're doing that well let's say
0:57:39you're living in long beach california
0:57:41or gearhart or again or long beach
0:57:45Washington every every state has a long
0:57:48beach always writes like a Springfield
0:57:50it's like sprinkles or at least every
0:57:53beach and on the west coast for every
0:57:55state in the west coast when there are
0:57:56only three they each have a long beach
0:57:58i'm guessing that's always be more
0:58:00simply should be five all of oregon is a
0:58:02long beach who is just one big language
0:58:05okay but i want to live I want to have a
0:58:10house in gearhart oregon or down by uh
0:58:17you know down by cannon beach want to
0:58:21have a house right because nice and I
0:58:24don't I'm I don't want to talk about it
0:58:25too much on this podcast because i don't
0:58:27want other people that go there no
0:58:29looky-loos gonna be saying well maybe I
0:58:31should get into that vertical yeah like
0:58:32let's get down to that lets go down to
0:58:34the oregon coast and get ourselves a
0:58:36house and for the ll the middle class
0:58:38white people come in really well that's
0:58:40already happened but now for Portland is
0:58:42a small town relative to other cities
0:58:45and the number of people that the number
0:58:48of people that Portland can the number
0:58:50of likes poor people that Portland can
0:58:53actually put out into the world to ruin
0:58:55everything
0:58:56it's like a lot fewer people like Boston
0:58:59every day is just sending out spores
0:59:02that are just ruining things for other
0:59:05people and this darkness race start with
0:59:07a larger number of people right that's
0:59:08right that's right there bear in the
0:59:10process right now of ruining western
0:59:13Massachusetts which was ruined by a
0:59:15previous generation in a different
0:59:17direction right like the 3d at the trip
0:59:20the the generation in western
0:59:22Massachusetts that ruined it by focusing
0:59:24on manufacturing and doing bad business
0:59:27and turning all those into abandoned
0:59:29factory towns they were bad
0:59:31did John Hodgman have any role in this
0:59:34well he's certainly a pioneer country of
0:59:37the of the next generation of runners
0:59:39who were the the early middle-aged you
0:59:43know like affluent middle-class people
0:59:46who are now going out to western
0:59:48Massachusetts and buying old manor
0:59:50houses and turning them into sex tens or
0:59:53something all the people all the people
0:59:54that used to be that used to be in
0:59:56Dinosaur Jr who are now living
0:59:56Dinosaur Jr who are now living
1:00:00and you know on on 50 acres gamer but i
1:00:05do not want i do not want any more
1:00:08people my age who currently live in
1:00:12portland or seattle to go out to a
1:00:16cannon beach and make it any harder to
1:00:18live there
1:00:19ok but if you do live there particularly
1:00:22if you live in in gear harder seaside or
1:00:24something like that and you hear those
1:00:26tsunami sirens which are indicating one
1:00:32of two things either there was a giant
1:00:34giant giant earthquake in japan and you
1:00:38have like my don't know how many hours
1:00:40but like a significant number of hours
1:00:42while that wave goes all the way across
1:00:45the ocean or there was just a earthquake
1:00:50on the Pacific plate right there
1:00:55portese and it's actually catch a break
1:00:57man
1:00:58newzealand others a big ones like an
1:01:00eight-point something new zealand
1:01:01alright because New Zealand is a young
1:01:03young country it's just that was a
1:01:05terrible earthquake nothing about me but
1:01:08like right slick with a day or two after
1:01:10we've flown out of this is terrible
1:01:12earthquake there so awful common
1:01:15wonderful country they don't deserve
1:01:16earthquakes so I some of our new zealand
1:01:19listeners who are among our best
1:01:21listeners i love that country so much
1:01:24they are right now dealing with the
1:01:26dealing with earthquake aftermath
1:01:28yeah but the nice thing about New
1:01:30Zealand of course is that if you leave
1:01:32the water if you leave the coast and
1:01:35head inland you go uphill pretty fast
1:01:37right like New Zealand's not a swampy
1:01:40country em right here you get the the
1:01:43secret to getting away from a a an ocean
1:01:46wave is to go up ocean wave right okay
1:01:49yeah right here comes ocean wave who
1:01:51head up finally most up place you can be
1:01:55and go there okay if you're at the
1:01:57nearest up place is like a tower made
1:02:00out of toothpicks that somebody made for
1:02:01a science fair that's not enough
1:02:04ok go if you can find a little up land
1:02:08go up land but if you're on the Oregon
1:02:10coast the up land is John
1:02:12just far enough away you can see it but
1:02:17you can't run to it so so so how do you
1:02:22how do you decide how to proceed in the
1:02:25event you wanted to get some kind of
1:02:28organ beachfront property how what's
1:02:32your thought process for deciding so
1:02:34here to do about that
1:02:35here's what I'm assuming yeah you're
1:02:38buying your organ coast property you
1:02:41already have a vintage four-by-four
1:02:44because that's one of the first things
1:02:46you should get em I vintage four-by-four
1:02:50that's like that's like a long time
1:02:53before you're thinking about a beach
1:02:54house but when you get the beach house
1:02:58you realize my vintage four-by-four is
1:03:01just exactly like everybody else's
1:03:04vintage four-by-four out here there's
1:03:06only one Road out of town and it's gonna
1:03:10be it's gonna be completely jammed with
1:03:13vintage four by fours and you're done
1:03:15you know if you like pile everybody in
1:03:18the vintage four-by-four and say we're
1:03:19headed to the hills
1:03:21no you died in a traffic jam so what you
1:03:25need is to stay is the greater
1:03:27four-by-four theory that's right exactly
1:03:30right
1:03:30what you need is two high-powered enduro
1:03:33motorcycles their gassed up and ready to
1:03:37go with Swift side you know that would
1:03:40like hardcase side bag and see your
1:03:43hacking system a little bit
1:03:44that's right who and you and whoever
1:03:47you're with
1:03:47whether it be your spouse or significant
1:03:50other you have both practiced this where
1:03:53you run out to your covered secret
1:03:57garage hop on motorcycles brain bomb and
1:04:01then you're off and you are using the
1:04:04roads only as much as net and needed but
1:04:08you have a route that you can do if the
1:04:12roads are all jammed full of you for her
1:04:14status is a bug out and bug let's bug
1:04:17out we've rehearsed this right now we
1:04:19don't have to we don't have to that we
1:04:21don't have enough gear to survive for 40
1:04:24days because a life I've further than
1:04:26you that's right out riding the tiger
1:04:28all we have to do is get all we have to
1:04:31do is close the distance between us and
1:04:33five miles from here like as fast as we
1:04:37can
1:04:38Oh on the assumption that everybody else
1:04:40is going to be trying to do that at the
1:04:41same time but they're not going to have
1:04:42these high-powered motorcycles who and
1:04:45then once you get there you watch the
1:04:46waves come in you feel
1:04:48yeah i mean obviously you're not
1:04:49gloating you feel bad for everyone sure
1:04:51and then the wave goes out east you
1:04:53don't go back immediately because
1:04:55there's going to be that next wave
1:04:56second wave like wave to point out
1:05:01mhm but then when the waves come down
1:05:03and everything in and everything goes
1:05:05back to just being like a big huge
1:05:08burning garbage heap who like you've got
1:05:10your motorcycle yet in the saddlebags
1:05:12you had presumably a key to your normal
1:05:14house and some rain jackets or whatever
1:05:17and you're you're like puce arrived so
1:05:19also you have to teach your kids to grab
1:05:21onto the back like little baby monkeys
1:05:23to grab onto the back of your jacket and
1:05:26hold on for dear life like everybody's
1:05:28gotta know what to do and these are not
1:05:30the kinds of decisions you you are
1:05:32wanted to be thinking about for the
1:05:34first time on bug-out day sure when you
1:05:36hear the tsunami silent sirens that is
1:05:38not the time to go to the motorcycle
1:05:40store and start shopping from mhm but
1:05:44these motorcycles are expensive and so
1:05:47it's it would be pretty weird to buy
1:05:50them and just keep them as tsunami
1:05:52motorcycles right you'd also want a ride
1:05:55or you're not Batman right right i mean
1:05:58i'm going to counseling specific
1:06:00motorcycles for spits specific cases
1:06:01smelling a cummerbund right right
1:06:04although all you need is one cumberbund
1:06:06yeah is that right yeah just get a black
1:06:09satin cumber bun that's right so you got
1:06:12to avoid the jokey like do you want a
1:06:14plat or something don't do don't ok
1:06:16don't if you're if you are in a wedding
1:06:18party and year and you have a ties and
1:06:22comer buns that match one another here
1:06:24you're already in the wrong wedding
1:06:27party you should not be friends with
1:06:29those people wish people could bring us
1:06:32into help with those kinds of things we
1:06:33get we can help you see now in my case
1:06:35I've been to a lot of weddings John's
1:06:36officiate a bunch of wedding present
1:06:38in too many I think we could bring a
1:06:39really fresh out of somebody's wedding
1:06:40and we could probably save you some
1:06:42money
1:06:43well yeah absolutely but I mean that's
1:06:46the craziest thing about weddings that I
1:06:48hear about which is we tried to do this
1:06:51a different way we try to have fun with
1:06:53our wedding and the further we got into
1:06:55having a wedding we realized that
1:06:56there's an industry of people who are
1:06:58trying to tell you can't have fun you
1:06:59just have to do it a certain way and
1:07:02that way cost it's like it's like my mom
1:07:05used to say about going to the hardware
1:07:06store down by the yacht club she said
1:07:10all the stuff at the hardware store
1:07:12that's in town advice one-quarter of
1:07:17this the price of the same exact thing
1:07:19at the hardware store by the by your
1:07:21sunscreen before you get to the resort
1:07:23because if you buy it in that little
1:07:26that little tumble down fish shack whole
1:07:28brother is what you say if you say hey
1:07:32we'd like to rent your event space
1:07:33because we are we want to have a big
1:07:36paintball expo we want to we want to
1:07:39fill this place with smoke machines and
1:07:40play laser tag yeah they're going to
1:07:42quote you a price
1:07:43mm oh it's $15 to run our place for a
1:07:46smoke machine laser tag do not mention
1:07:48you want to paintball wedding because
1:07:49that word order of magnitude
1:07:52that's right appear like we're gonna
1:07:53fill this place with smoke machines and
1:07:54have alleged attack wedding whoa hello
1:07:57linking seven grand but the problem is
1:08:02you can't fake them out because people
1:08:04smell weddings so you're like hey we're
1:08:06just having a big laser part but AG
1:08:07party here when I find it I trying to
1:08:10tell you're trying to convince your
1:08:11plumber the the problem is not a big
1:08:12deal before they come out and taking
1:08:14you're going to pay last because of that
1:08:15you know they do this everyday lives out
1:08:18with these these people pikers this
1:08:21isn't my first rodeo so and and it and
1:08:25every case they're like thursday we're
1:08:27gonna have value is this your first day
1:08:29like I would think that at your wedding
1:08:32knowing you
1:08:33yeah that you would have tried to have
1:08:35it catered by subway
1:08:37mm-hmm eyes at my thesis defense really
1:08:41baccalaureate yeah I had a we brought in
1:08:44a like 40 pieces of popeyes I'm gonna be
1:08:46honest with you some people were not
1:08:47there just to hear about cultural
1:08:48criticism TV I
1:08:49I think some people were therefore for a
1:08:51spicy breast so you made your thesis
1:08:54defense an event that people can people
1:08:57came and like cocktail party at then my
1:08:59school every baccalaureate defense is a
1:09:01public event anybody can come see
1:09:03icic boy there's some tough ones i want
1:09:06my name is easy the first thanksgiving i
1:09:10ever spent away from home
1:09:11I got a bucket of kentucky fried chicken
1:09:13and went to a pro wrestling match
1:09:15wow that was in America that was my
1:09:18thesis defense and that again
1:09:20minneapolis I don't know why I keep
1:09:22coming back to Minneapolis mm let's talk
1:09:25about the election you mean yeah sure i
1:09:29don't know maybe a couple people been
1:09:31fast-forwarding through like an hour in
1:09:33nine minutes to get to this listening to
1:09:37it on forex don't belittle election
1:09:42yeah that you know i just ate everybody
1:09:44I'm grateful you listen to the show but
1:09:46when you send your plot its for how much
1:09:47you enjoy the whole show when a third of
1:09:50the time that the show takes to listen
1:09:52to has passed
1:09:54given the fear people listen to show
1:09:56very quickly you and me did not i don't
1:09:59listen to anything found on weed almost
1:10:01a podcast but I always listen at you
1:10:03know a reasonable speed but some people
1:10:06they listen to show very quickly that's
1:10:07how they get through the backlog that's
1:10:08how to get through so many shows a
1:10:11really I I couldn't imagine listening to
1:10:15this program on fast speed because of
1:10:18how important some of the pregnant
1:10:21pauses are mm right like there are a lot
1:10:24of times when you let a beat go by and
1:10:28the beat is as eloquent as anything
1:10:30anything you say like beat the beat that
1:10:34tells us it beat ya and and those beats
1:10:38i think are lost
1:10:40if you have to change the tempo
1:10:42obviously that interview that hourglass
1:10:44did with Mike Daisey after it was
1:10:48revealed that Mikey's expose of the
1:10:51Apple factors in China was not you know
1:10:53one person copacetic back wise and
1:10:55there's one point in that interview when
1:10:58he asks mike daisey something and
1:11:02there's a positive you know you know how
1:11:03it is with these kinds of things it felt
1:11:05like it was two minutes long
1:11:06it was probably like eight seconds like
1:11:08if you didn't hear that pause you didn't
1:11:10really hear that interview sure you
1:11:11missed the whole thing
1:11:13it's like Sean always says you know
1:11:14sometimes the restaurant as important as
1:11:15the notes the risks right too many
1:11:18directions the exact but I don't know
1:11:19shawn says that by feeling we should
1:11:21give him some credit
1:11:22shawn says too many notes for the ear to
1:11:23hear em that's what shawn says nobody
1:11:27knows for the years is that Leopold
1:11:29what's-his-name huh
1:11:31Jeffrey Jeffrey Jones played him a place
1:11:34on Nelson they play Shawn Nelson in that
1:11:35movie with the ciliary yeah too many
1:11:38notes too many times for the UT i don't
1:11:40know I idea i don't listen to this
1:11:43program on anything other than the speed
1:11:44that we recorded because that's one of
1:11:47the tenants of it otherwise your band is
1:11:49David recent say you're banned from the
1:11:50show okay I don't I just I feel like I
1:11:53don't at this moment have a lot to say
1:11:57but I feel like our listeners probably
1:12:00are looking forward to what you have to
1:12:05say and I I don't know if you talked
1:12:06about Sudan I don't think he did
1:12:08did you add and also I mean Dan started
1:12:12the the podcast and it was like what the
1:12:15day after the election two days later
1:12:17huh
1:12:18and he was like boy you know I sure did
1:12:21have a lot of open this morning or
1:12:23whatever he was like let's talk about
1:12:24dinosaurs and we got about this far into
1:12:27the show an hour so when I was like ten
1:12:29are you sincerely going to try and not
1:12:31talk about the election you like 24
1:12:34hours after the election and he was like
1:12:36basically like what election
1:12:38I mean it went and it was and it seemed
1:12:40like that that's a good summer is almost
1:12:42every conversation then thats it was it
1:12:44was pretty brilliant though I like i sat
1:12:47on the toadstool of it was smoking my
1:12:50hookah and said wow like Nam estates and
1:12:56say yeah and we just kept talking about
1:12:59a herb heart pill boxes and and like
1:13:03finger feel like a finger time
1:13:06serenity now and and so what that did
1:13:10was it kind of put me in a put me in a
1:13:12place where i was like huh
1:13:14do I have a hot take that is worth a
1:13:17good goddamn and oh and that can't wait
1:13:21do I have a hot take the can't wait
1:13:24yeah because I for the last week i have
1:13:27logged onto the internet every day i
1:13:29have read up just threw a few things and
1:13:34have just not like slammed my computer
1:13:37shut just very slowly shut my computer
1:13:39and said this is not there
1:13:42this is not helping listening to people
1:13:46yell at each other is not helping
1:13:47listening to people blame each other is
1:13:49not helping and listening to people tell
1:13:53me and other people what is what reality
1:13:57is or what our obligation is ornate and
1:14:00how I should feel how you should feel
1:14:02how you shouldn't feel is a big thing
1:14:05how your how you're not entitled to feel
1:14:07how you're not entitled to feel as a
1:14:09thing how you need to be quiet or how
1:14:12you don't need to be quiet
1:14:14how you like you are absolutely monish
1:14:1622 never be quiet again or that your
1:14:19voice isn't needed right now because you
1:14:22are part of the problem and so you
1:14:23absolutely should shut up like every
1:14:26single fame has not helped and so I've
1:14:30been doing chores
1:14:32I've been eating cereal I've been taking
1:14:36care of my kid and and doing the things
1:14:41that are right in front of me with the
1:14:44kind of like with the quietude of
1:14:49knowing that I am NOT like my online
1:14:53participation is not needed right and
1:14:57and nothing's going to change as a
1:15:01result of it right now i will rejoin
1:15:04this conversation in a little bit I it's
1:15:08not that I have been thinking about it
1:15:09but like the idea I didn't end it
1:15:13immediately afterwards I had so many hot
1:15:17takes my hand hot takes it was hot takes
1:15:20all the way down and I had lectures I
1:15:24was going to give about it and I have
1:15:26you know like I i was making powerpoints
1:15:28in my mind
1:15:30am I don't know how to make a powerpoint
1:15:31yeah you don't need to know in your mind
1:15:33you can always do a tutorial later
1:15:35uh-huh right i could I just go on
1:15:38youtube and learn to play the harmonica
1:15:40slide but I but you know maybe it was
1:15:45the maybe it was like the Buddha that
1:15:50like it was Dan Buddha German who maybe
1:15:56realize that looks like it is here that
1:15:58to say what electric what was there an
1:16:02election was like yeah right right yeah
1:16:07I know just done i did a we were talking
1:16:12about whether we should do a show last
1:16:14week and asked if you wanted to and then
1:16:16in that interregnum i had scheduled the
1:16:18show with my friend John Gruber so I've
1:16:21already talked for two hours about how i
1:16:22feel about what happened with feelings
1:16:25and and people like the right people
1:16:28were were grateful on
1:16:31yes I got teary from what some people
1:16:33said it was like you know yeah whatever
1:16:35like a I'm another white guy but like in
1:16:38her this is her my heart a lot but I so
1:16:42anyway I just want to say like
1:16:43that'sthat's a place where i have
1:16:44discussed that it's not so much to
1:16:45encourage you to listen but to like that
1:16:47gave me a little bit of like getting
1:16:50through the first part which is just the
1:16:51feelings and I i would like to say I'm
1:16:56further along than that of six days
1:16:58later and I'm still have so many
1:17:01conflicting things going on right now
1:17:02one of those conflicting things is I
1:17:04still haven't gotten past the feelings
1:17:06part and I and so i'm not i don't i'm
1:17:10not really not trying to criticize
1:17:11anybody's strong feelings that aren't
1:17:14mine but like there's this part of me
1:17:17that says I need to sit with this for a
1:17:19little while and I understand the app I
1:17:24feel like I absolutely understand like
1:17:26no it's time to get to work i do
1:17:28understand that and I respect that and
1:17:30like I subscribe to new york times
1:17:31finally yesterday like I know it's not a
1:17:33lot but I'm what I'm trying to say is
1:17:34like him for myself like maybe maybe
1:17:36this is something we should take a
1:17:37little bit more time with
1:17:39because i don't think we need more hot
1:17:41takes right now and I I help people take
1:17:46this in the spirit its intended but like
1:17:48there is this impulse in me that I can
1:17:52locate as feeling very similar to an
1:17:54impulse that I would feel at a time when
1:17:57that say i was in college and got very
1:17:59upset about something happening
1:18:01happening in the community or politics
1:18:02and I'm trying to trying to set that
1:18:07feeling aside and leave it right
1:18:09I'm trying to put that aside for just a
1:18:10little while until i still figure out a
1:18:13little bit more about the feelings part
1:18:14which I know is a very privileged place
1:18:16to be but like I don't know what i could
1:18:19say right now that would make a huge
1:18:22difference
1:18:24I'm not ready to try and say anything
1:18:26intelligent yet no and I'm not saying
1:18:29you shouldn't but like for myself it's
1:18:31just I'm not ready for the fray yet and
1:18:34I that probably makes me less of a
1:18:38citizen I might look back at this this
1:18:41week and say well I wonder how much
1:18:43opportunity lost by not jumping onto
1:18:45something I I feel like I'm just not
1:18:47ready to do that yet I feel like the
1:18:49answer is none like a nun and and partly
1:18:53for myself it is that like I have very
1:18:57strong feelings obviously like as it was
1:19:00unfolding I was I had no idea that I
1:19:04would feel that strongly but i was wrong
1:19:09i was i was profoundly wrong about a lot
1:19:13of things might take leading up to it
1:19:16was wrong
1:19:18um and and a lot of people were wrong
1:19:25most people were wrong no that's one of
1:19:29those rare occasions where we see
1:19:31everybody was wrong
1:19:32we don't mean everybody was wrong on one
1:19:34quote unquote side there's almost nobody
1:19:36that was right
1:19:37nobody was right nobody and you know it
1:19:39for example like you know people are
1:19:40really hard on 538 right now but one
1:19:42thing that I think is interesting about
1:19:43what 538 says they're trying to show you
1:19:45first of all these are not our polls
1:19:47these other people's polls but I'm
1:19:48really interesting that idea of like
1:19:50here's the polls and here's how
1:19:52all confident we are in the polls it's
1:19:54not just that we saw and so stepping
1:19:56away from that for a minute
1:19:58it's that we saw the world in this
1:19:59certain way and 24 myself to a like
1:20:02fairly high 80 percent-plus level of
1:20:04certainty that I was seeing something
1:20:05that was true or feeling something that
1:20:07was true right it's not part of it right
1:20:08right there was not well I was not I was
1:20:10not actually fought with self-doubt
1:20:11until somewhere around 5 30 or six on
1:20:14Tuesday
1:20:15yeah i mean i was doing a show that
1:20:16night and we were backstage did you get
1:20:19through with the show with the backstage
1:20:21like eating the little petty fours
1:20:24yeah and tuning our guitars and
1:20:26imagining that we were about to do a
1:20:29show that was full of triumph and like
1:20:31our first female president and
1:20:34immediately before we walked on stage we
1:20:36all like looked at our phones to see
1:20:38what was going on and 538 right in front
1:20:41of our eyes went from eighty-five
1:20:43percent certainty that that mrs. Clinton
1:20:47would be elected secretary clinton to
1:20:50sixty-five percent to 51-percent and we
1:20:54were like say what
1:20:55and then we took the stage and onstage
1:20:59all of us were like stunned
1:21:02deer-in-the-headlights level of stunned
1:21:04and I was hosting the show where three
1:21:07of us sitting on stage with guitars and
1:21:09then there was a poet and then a woman
1:21:12painting while we were doing the show it
1:21:14was it was this kind of show and I said
1:21:17to the audience look uh things are not
1:21:20things are changing very rapidly i would
1:21:22like to say everyone turned their phone
1:21:24off and let's just be in the room
1:21:25together for two and a half hours
1:21:27listening to music and and being part of
1:21:30art and I everybody agreed and we just
1:21:35sat in like it didn't banish the
1:21:39feelings but I had the I and my at and
1:21:42the audience and my fellow musicians had
1:21:45two more hours of just listening to one
1:21:48another play and enjoying like
1:21:50friendship in and guitar did you get
1:21:54that standing next to the band playing
1:21:56nearer my God to thee as the up but but
1:22:01then when we rejoined the world it like
1:22:04fait accompli right
1:22:05it happened and we didn't have to sit
1:22:07there for that two-and-a-half hours like
1:22:09watching everything crumble we just were
1:22:13like playing our guitars and then we
1:22:15came back we landed on the earth again
1:22:16we're like well guess what
1:22:19like everything is different but here's
1:22:22the here's my feeling right is that I
1:22:24was wrong
1:22:25everybody was wrong and not just wrong
1:22:29about what you know not not just wrong
1:22:31by 10 degrees but like wrong about what
1:22:35is going on and immediately what I saw
1:22:41was all these people that were wrong
1:22:44thinking that they're wrongness was an
1:22:47anomaly and now they were right again
1:22:49about everything they could begin
1:22:51immediately to say what needed to be
1:22:53done to say what other people needed to
1:22:56do to start talking about what needed to
1:23:01be done immediately that and if we
1:23:02didn't do it we were on the wrong side
1:23:04of history talking about who was who
1:23:07how how whether you should wear a safety
1:23:11pin or shouldn't whether you should
1:23:13organize or not whether you should be in
1:23:16the streets or not whether everybody was
1:23:18right again instantly and for me I said
1:23:24my reaction was I was fucking wrong and
1:23:29I do not presume to be immediately write
1:23:31about any maybe we need to just be wrong
1:23:34for a little while like sit on your
1:23:36fucking wrong and think about how wrong
1:23:40you were and how that wrongness
1:23:43reverberates through your other certain
1:23:46certitudes and that isn't I mean that is
1:23:50healthy and that is that will affect
1:23:54what you do next which hopefully is is
1:23:59different
1:24:00you don't just come back into a thing
1:24:02and say well I was right about
1:24:03everything and this l and this election
1:24:07which I was which it turns out I was
1:24:09completely wrong about just confirms how
1:24:12right I was
1:24:12which is a which is a fallacy I've seen
1:24:18repeated a thousand times like right up
1:24:21until this election i was saying all
1:24:22these things that I was confident I was
1:24:23right in this happened negating
1:24:26everything and it proves how right I was
1:24:28little and it turned out differently in
1:24:30the other side did that same thing you
1:24:31tear them apart for not being realistic
1:24:33at well as everything how could you not
1:24:35accept these results and then this
1:24:37business about like do you have you
1:24:39cannot have any sympathy or consider the
1:24:43other side because that empowers them or
1:24:47that normalizes them and you know the
1:24:50fact is it just got normalized like I'm
1:24:53not normalizing them by saying huh
1:24:58whoa by not immediately you know by not
1:25:03going at them with the same language we
1:25:06were going at them before that produced
1:25:08the results that we didn't anticipate
1:25:11right i mean we did not buy by virtue of
1:25:16our fury at the at the racism sexism and
1:25:21in like just I mean racism sexism even
1:25:24you even those things are like subsumed
1:25:28beneath just the pure insanity of
1:25:30selecting someone who has never for a
1:25:32minute done any government work that's
1:25:37that you know that's just like what and
1:25:41you know form for my part
1:25:46my first thought was we have on both
1:25:51sides of the aisle become a country that
1:25:55is convinced that our problem is elites
1:26:00both the both the people on the
1:26:05conservative side and on the liberal
1:26:07side are convinced that it is elites who
1:26:11are the problem and the solution is a
1:26:16populism a populist movement where we
1:26:20put Outsiders in and the further left
1:26:24you go the more
1:26:25that conviction is true and the further
1:26:27right you go the more that condition is
1:26:28true that we are in combat culturally
1:26:32with these elites who are keeping us out
1:26:34and on the Left we think it is elites
1:26:37that are / dinner that are promulgating
1:26:41a white supremacy and a patriarchy and
1:26:45we need to roust those elites and put
1:26:47neophytes in those positions because
1:26:51people with no experience but with
1:26:54conviction are better in those jobs then
1:26:58people who have dedicated their lives to
1:27:00administration to government to
1:27:03thoughtful action to moderate behavior
1:27:06we need them out and related to people
1:27:09who've done the job but have also had to
1:27:12deal with the harsh realities of having
1:27:16to deal with people who don't agree with
1:27:19you that maybe have more power than you
1:27:20but have to find a way to compromise
1:27:23happening and negotiate and and
1:27:27facilitate a best practice even if it
1:27:31even if it isn't the most beautiful or
1:27:34the most radical and on the right of
1:27:37this equation there are people who feel
1:27:39like the elites are perpetuating a
1:27:43snobby East Coast dominated prissy
1:27:52pretentious lecturing hectoring form of
1:27:58social engineering and they need to
1:28:00eliminate the elites in order that real
1:28:04people who have real concerns who are
1:28:07real and authentic who have who haven't
1:28:10like in Donald Trump's case even read a
1:28:14book that they are better suited to this
1:28:18like to this job which is a job when i
1:28:22ran for office Iran thinking this very
1:28:27thing that the people in that were
1:28:30running downtown Seattle the city
1:28:32council was full of insiders
1:28:36who you know who couldn't see beyond the
1:28:39end of their knows who were compromised
1:28:41by their affiliations who were in bed
1:28:44with business and what they needed in
1:28:47there with some fresh blood in the form
1:28:49of me a like a freewheeling fun-lovin
1:28:53smart guy who who saw the problems in
1:28:57the city clear-eyed and was gonna roll
1:29:00in there and and just shake everything
1:29:04up and be somebody that sat on the City
1:29:07Council with a little bit of an ironic
1:29:09smirk and when problems came across the
1:29:12desk i would just know what to do and I
1:29:15wouldn't have I wouldn't be in bed with
1:29:17anybody and as I started to run and said
1:29:22well the first thing we need to do is
1:29:24build a unified transit system and the
1:29:27first person I met you know who was a 21
1:29:30year old intern for somebody said well I
1:29:33mean you never be able to pay for that
1:29:35because the state legislature passed a
1:29:38law 15 years ago that limited the amount
1:29:42limited the ability of the CM city of
1:29:45seattle to raise money via taxation and
1:29:51so the state government would never pay
1:29:53for this transit program and the City of
1:29:55Seattle cannot does not have the taxing
1:29:57authority to pay for it either so what's
1:29:59your next plan and I was like whoa
1:30:03because i didn't know that the state
1:30:06legislature had passed this law and
1:30:09having passed it will see the city of
1:30:11seattle was bound by it and the
1:30:14legislature was not going to overturn it
1:30:16because because six-tenths of the
1:30:20legislature is from moses lake and
1:30:24Spokane and enumclaw and places where
1:30:27they don't share Seattle values so as I
1:30:31went through the process of running for
1:30:32office every step along the way I
1:30:35realized this is people's profession and
1:30:39they've spent their whole career
1:30:41it is isn't it I mean it's a craft it's
1:30:44a it's absolutely a craft and when
1:30:46somebody comes to the City Council and
1:30:48they say
1:30:49I want to raise the height limits in
1:30:52this zip code so that i can build an 80
1:30:55story apartment tower that where the you
1:30:59know the cheapest department is a
1:31:01million-five there are 40 other groups
1:31:08that feel like their stakeholders in
1:31:10that choice and each one of them has a
1:31:16whole camp train of history and of a
1:31:20history with the city their own
1:31:23constituency their own like logical
1:31:26worldview they're all they're all all
1:31:31those worldviews are logical from within
1:31:33and all 40 of those groups i'm not
1:31:35talking about 40 people who have steaks
1:31:37but 40 groups of people that have steaks
1:31:40in that decision who want to talk to the
1:31:42City Council and tell them and explain
1:31:45their patiently explained and angrily
1:31:47explain their consistent worldview that
1:31:51from within consumes them they
1:31:53absolutely no they're right at that
1:31:56apartment building is going to create
1:31:58more homelessness for that apartment
1:31:59building is going to raise the tax base
1:32:01which will enable us to help the
1:32:03homeless or that apartment building is
1:32:06going to you know the fact that it needs
1:32:08to be union or the fact that it doesn't
1:32:10need to be union at on ad infinitum
1:32:14and so to sit on that bench and do that
1:32:17work well is a lifetime job or or a job
1:32:24that that you there you do need
1:32:26preparation to do you didn't do need to
1:32:29have a certain personality and you and
1:32:33it isn't just a matter of kicking your
1:32:35feet up on the desk and saying you know
1:32:36what sounds good to me do it don't do it
1:32:40seems like you could look to somebody
1:32:42like let's say a veteran journalist who
1:32:46has been walking through the corridors
1:32:49of power for years and that person my
1:32:52roll their eyes at someone who says i'm
1:32:54going to be an outsider and the fact
1:32:55that I don't know very much and don't
1:32:57have a plan helps me to not cloud my
1:33:00ideological vision for what needs two
1:33:02because reasons like somebody's in that
1:33:05position as let me again like a someone
1:33:07is a very very good journalist or
1:33:08scholar knows all that stuff but but
1:33:12even they have never done the job and
1:33:15when you get in and do the job you not
1:33:18only know or it's not only exposed to
1:33:21and know all of that complexity but then
1:33:23you have all the extra added complexity
1:33:25like I'm kind of just repeating what
1:33:27you're saying but like that's that's the
1:33:28part that I that I always think about
1:33:29like I mean I could have the best idea
1:33:31in the world for how the plumbing in my
1:33:33house should work but being an outsider
1:33:35when it comes to plumbing does not make
1:33:37me better at it than someone who's done
1:33:38it for 20 years but for somebody who
1:33:40understands the actual like you know you
1:33:42think about what something is really an
1:33:43expert somebody it's not just somebody
1:33:45who knows how to do it
1:33:46it's not just somebody has done
1:33:47repeatedly it's not just somebody who's
1:33:49done enough to be good at it but it's
1:33:51somebody who sees things you can't see
1:33:55and the can't even really be explained
1:33:57to you and that comes across as a
1:33:59certain kind of cynicism or hollowness
1:34:02that yet no you're just a pure
1:34:04politician now but it's also that they
1:34:06understand how many people in a position
1:34:08of power are going to be making calls
1:34:10when you decide to change the height
1:34:11limit you haven't you haven't thought
1:34:13about that because you have this pure
1:34:15vision of how that should be but
1:34:16somebody was done that job that that
1:34:18seemingly callow person who has that job
1:34:20has done nothing but deal with that the
1:34:22entire time they have that job until it
1:34:24becomes almost a primary part is
1:34:26learning how to deal with what everybody
1:34:27wants and that looks like Alice yes
1:34:30exactly but but what so so you know if
1:34:36there is a if I did have a hot take
1:34:38personally internally it was that
1:34:44watching you know watching the people
1:34:49that I follow the people that I agree
1:34:52with immediately frame what happened in
1:35:01a way in a self-serving way so that what
1:35:05they could maintain was their conviction
1:35:07that what we needed to do was get the
1:35:08elites out
1:35:10and now there was a new set of elites a
1:35:13new set of people that work that were
1:35:16supporting and confirming their belief
1:35:20that this elite structure was what was
1:35:24in our way and what we needed to do was
1:35:27get the people in there even though the
1:35:29person that just was elected was elected
1:35:34precisely because his argument was we
1:35:36needed to get the elites out and so I
1:35:41you know I watched my whole world and
1:35:44can continue to watch it on Twitter and
1:35:49the thing is we are fighting against
1:35:51racism we are fighting against sexism
1:35:53and these are noble goals and this is a
1:35:56lifetime fight for all of us and will be
1:35:58a lifetime fight for our children like
1:36:01this is our side of the mission of
1:36:04creating the world we want to see but
1:36:07that doesn't that the nobility of that
1:36:10project does not necessarily validate
1:36:14all of our processes it doesn't reflect
1:36:16back and set and then give us the the
1:36:20right to say that our methods are
1:36:22correct because our goals are noble and
1:36:27I am increasingly inclined to say people
1:36:32who have devoted their lives to
1:36:34government are not the enemy people who
1:36:38have people who work on behalf of others
1:36:42even if we don't agree with them or we
1:36:45in our conspiratorial sense that the
1:36:47world is pitted against us even if all
1:36:51evidence points to the fact that that
1:36:54person has actually is full of
1:36:57self-sacrifice and has devoted their
1:36:59lives to helping others which in my
1:37:03opinion Hillary Clinton has done right
1:37:06like she has not enriched herself she's
1:37:10not poor her husband has made a lot of
1:37:13money she gets paid for speeches I wish
1:37:15to fucking god i got paid for speeches
1:37:17of the way that she she does that's not
1:37:21mean
1:37:23there are people right now my age who
1:37:26are worth hundreds and hundreds of
1:37:27millions of dollars for doing nothing
1:37:29for sitting and transferring money from
1:37:32one bank to another their whole careers
1:37:34to say that Hillary Clinton is corrupt
1:37:36is just like you don't understand what a
1:37:38lifetime of service looks like but there
1:37:41are there are so many people out there
1:37:44whose business is government and whose
1:37:46work is in the world of of like this is
1:37:55the social sciences who work at the
1:37:57State Department their whole lives who
1:37:59work in the diplomatic corps and anyone
1:38:04on either side of the aisle is going to
1:38:06point to these people and say they are
1:38:07elites that are keeping that are that
1:38:10that are keeping this system that we
1:38:12disagree with in in in power and I look
1:38:16at them now and I say thank God for you
1:38:18and I do not want the people i do not
1:38:25want i do not believe that the people
1:38:27marching in the street no better
1:38:29necessarily i don't think that they are
1:38:33the people i want to hold elective
1:38:37office
1:38:38I don't want a revolution I want a slow
1:38:43methodical march in the hands of people
1:38:47of people who have made the study of
1:38:49this their life's work and I believe
1:38:53that that will result in justice because
1:38:58i think justice is inevitable
1:39:01like I think equality and this is the
1:39:04slow march of history argument that
1:39:06makes people really mad who think that
1:39:09they can yell and make history much
1:39:13faster and we and there's plenty of it
1:39:16plenty of examples of like move it
1:39:18things do move faster but things have
1:39:20just moved back you know this has been a
1:39:22this has been a big correction a bad
1:39:24back
1:39:25correction and all it does is confirmed
1:39:28to me that like you make a big stabbed
1:39:30things change and then you know and then
1:39:34the people that wanted a different way
1:39:36push back and but the margin history is
1:39:39what I'm what I count on and i hope that
1:39:44this era where this jacksonian sense
1:39:49that that like people throw down there
1:39:55ho and march on washington with their
1:40:00you know with their bag of corn meal
1:40:02over their shoulder and say I can do
1:40:04government better you know they can't we
1:40:12can't we
1:40:15I believe in like I don't believe in the
1:40:17in the electoral college anymore but you
1:40:24know I believe in elected
1:40:28representatives and we've just elected
1:40:32up a a big pile of garbage to that role
1:40:36and that is giving me pause and that's
1:40:40making me feel like i don't i don't know
1:40:44i don't I i do know that one that
1:40:49equality is that we have more quality
1:40:51today than we've ever had and that the
1:40:54current administration can't take that
1:40:56away and things are ugly on the street
1:40:58right now but you know that but I'm not
1:41:03redoubling my effort to do what I what I
1:41:08was doing a month ago
1:41:09I'm
1:41:12eating cereal doing chores