Roderick on the Line

Ep. 222: "Bastik of Problems"

 

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  [Music] [TS]

  hello hi John [TS]

  hi Merlin how's it going pretty good [TS]

  good i'm a little bit disheveled more [TS]

  but that's a sad Sam little bit not arms [TS]

  and put together uh-huh well I say that [TS]

  Oh Who well i'm drinking canned coffee [TS]

  hmmm and it's k can coffee light for [TS]

  example it's a light on for you pop your [TS]

  calories la the other branded espresso [TS]

  and cream can [TS]

  ah I get it I get it I enjoy this so [TS]

  it's like it's lighter in calories [TS]

  mm I didn't I wasn't sure whether I [TS]

  would enjoy my night five saw him at the [TS]

  grocery and I said hey what the hey and [TS]

  there was a woman looking at him and I [TS]

  said we think about those she kinda it [TS]

  was you know my my local grocery and she [TS]

  said [TS]

  kalavaram I said never had one she said [TS]

  don't start [TS]

  yeah and but there was a lot of whimsy [TS]

  between us you know we were shining she [TS]

  should be exchanging something Christian [TS]

  people together [TS]

  yeah they really do and so and I said [TS]

  which ones are the ones and she grabbed [TS]

  some that had some sort of flavor some [TS]

  flavored ones she was like these are my [TS]

  is my Achilles heel and i said i don't [TS]

  think i can go that far out again go to [TS]

  you know it's like hazelnut a pumpkin [TS]

  stat situation of something like that so [TS]

  that I reached and I grabbed the course [TS]

  the full full octane ones i stood there [TS]

  with the full octane ones and the ones [TS]

  that were saying i'm forty-five percent [TS]

  less then all that I'm forty percent [TS]

  less of the bad stuff i'm sitting right [TS]

  next to it on the same price really [TS]

  gonna get full strength stuff [TS]

  all the sugar and the cream and all that [TS]

  and so i did that i made the mood to [TS]

  compromise i got one of each consumers [TS]

  like choices [TS]

  yeah that's exactly true of me and [TS]

  sometimes we satisfies like that word a [TS]

  lot where you are you gotta find the [TS]

  best of the options and you know in my [TS]

  case I wasn't familiar with the beverage [TS]

  and so I I got one of each [TS]

  this morning looking at it in my pantry [TS]

  because the point my plan was right I [TS]

  was gonna was gonna get I was gonna have [TS]

  a full strength one because i don't know [TS]

  if you can hear in the background the [TS]

  coffeemaker is going the real coffee on [TS]

  its way good because a coffee diet like [TS]

  get in a bag you have this bag coffee so [TS]

  that i'm running through the Machine [TS]

  long time ago I told you about the [TS]

  coffee maker that i have purchased at [TS]

  costco and you said that's a bad coffee [TS]

  maker tell me fix yeah he said let me [TS]

  fix that for you and then the next day [TS]

  this is this is what it's like being [TS]

  friends with Merlin Mann a lot of people [TS]

  ask me now [TS]

  what's it like being friends with Marlon [TS]

  man must be complicated and I can't [TS]

  really tell your story keeping the wally [TS]

  give me get my mama wallet commands i [TS]

  spoke area and i said i got a copy make [TS]

  me so that's a bad coffee maker let me [TS]

  fix that for in the next day I better [TS]

  coffee maker showed up at my house to [TS]

  get your cuisinart courtesy of Merlin [TS]

  Mann was a quick learner will do you [TS]

  want do you want to know the full story [TS]

  do you want to always want to know the [TS]

  full story [TS]

  here's one thing with my daughter is [TS]

  she'll ask me a question I don't really [TS]

  feel like answering [TS]

  yeah not not because it's about penises [TS]

  are so she just did ask about testicles [TS]

  last night that was complicated but [TS]

  sometimes she'll ask me a question ago [TS]

  mm that's kind of a long story and she [TS]

  without missing a beat as I like long [TS]

  stories [TS]

  well I'm gonna need a new euphemism for [TS]

  I just wanna watch TV right now up [TS]

  I like what I just I just want to watch [TS]

  shark tank I don't explain testicle to [TS]

  you those men address like two potatoes [TS]

  and they're they're kind of not very [TS]

  good potato costumes and and and mr. [TS]

  wonderful said they look like testicles [TS]

  go mr. wonderful it might be mr. [TS]

  wonderful my been Damon and and then [TS]

  they continue to make then they brought [TS]

  in the scrotum so I was coming [TS]

  alta almost explain the scrotum I said [TS]

  it's kind of a long story and she said I [TS]

  like long stories would explain the [TS]

  scrotum to me i don't know i'm not sure [TS]

  i know the difference where they [TS]

  actually potato costumes or were they [TS]

  dresses testicles they were just [TS]

  nominally potato costume sometimes on [TS]

  shark tank they come out and they got a [TS]

  bit and these guys this is this was kind [TS]

  of one of the one of the relatively rare [TS]

  joke projects [TS]

  uh-huh and these are two guys it's [TS]

  called I don't give them free [TS]

  advertising but basically what they'll [TS]

  do is get you get ya to give ten dollars [TS]

  and they write something on a potato [TS]

  with a sharpie and then mail it to [TS]

  somebody for ten dollars and they were [TS]

  seeking investment i think they wanted [TS]

  $50,000 for i think a 10-percent stick [TS]

  which would be $500,000 evaluation as I [TS]

  Mark Cuban tell you huh yeah they ended [TS]

  up getting funding from mr. wonderful [TS]

  while no kidding yeah I have no idea [TS]

  what we're talking about now I wouldn't [TS]

  I thought mr. wonderful [TS]

  I wasn't that like a rip torn character [TS]

  yeah or a busy place Nixon um I i have [TS]

  gonna have okay idea sometimes about [TS]

  things you don't understand and just [TS]

  knowing how much you enjoy your beer man [TS]

  the world your man of culture [TS]

  yes you got you you let your fingers [TS]

  stuck in the wind yes sometimes [TS]

  sometimes you enjoy your man enjoys [TS]

  being confused for a minute [TS]

  hmm i can tell you more mhm yeah i was [TS]

  in a demonstrated that they look did [TS]

  look a little like testicles because the [TS]

  eyes of the potato kind of you know the [TS]

  humanized funny thing is just not 80 I [TS]

  but yet testicles funny thing but you [TS]

  know I can't explain the scrotum until [TS]

  explain the testicles it's kind of a [TS]

  long story i find myself in this [TS]

  situation all the time difference [TS]

  there's a lot of things about the body I [TS]

  wouldn't want to have to explain today I [TS]

  I act like I understand that I don't [TS]

  really understand I don't understand why [TS]

  sometimes I'm certainly the only person [TS]

  who's ever done this but sometimes [TS]

  before I use the toilet away myself and [TS]

  then weigh myself after and sometimes I [TS]

  way more after i use the toilet [TS]

  no you don't do [TS]

  that that's crazy try it sometime it's [TS]

  really it's really bewitching I don't [TS]

  have a scale in my house I think it [TS]

  might be heir own TV I don't have a [TS]

  scale that's what scale to know that [TS]

  kind of holds the watch the scale [TS]

  anymore than i watch the TV and Wi-Fi [TS]

  and Wi-Fi scale-free of all your shit is [TS]

  your wife a scale click up with your [TS]

  Fitbit yep that works together through [TS]

  the API so there's no door [TS]

  mmm yeah look at the Manhattan garage [TS]

  door up I i saw an episode of a TV show [TS]

  that i think was a shark tank but it was [TS]

  a canadian version i was in canada as [TS]

  you see so that's just super interesting [TS]

  a shark tank is an American import of a [TS]

  british show called Dragon's Den which [TS]

  is a little bit more serious like [TS]

  English bags are dragons den Americans [TS]

  dead [TS]

  it's it's very serious and put the [TS]

  dragon then putting the dragon stand [TS]

  they got to come in to get explain the [TS]

  evaluation you know shark tank they'll [TS]

  tell you things like you know what [TS]

  that's not a company that's a product [TS]

  you know hello [TS]

  I like that praise and cam starting the [TS]

  kevin is also known as mr wonderful [TS]

  things like i'm going to give you the [TS]

  best people that take it behind the barn [TS]

  and shoot it [TS]

  that's what Kevin will say i don't want [TS]

  to know anymore i'm starting to taste [TS]

  the aspartame a little bit here [TS]

  I don't want to get into this but you [TS]

  know it's like michael stipe says when [TS]

  you throw something away wears away [TS]

  right yeah that's right away where's [TS]

  that five percent fewer calories it's in [TS]

  that same taste that's on my tongue [TS]

  right now and I I'm always intrigued by [TS]

  this especially with things like light [TS]

  bulbs to me are the greatest example of [TS]

  this but your coffee that you got there [TS]

  is a good example to like with a light [TS]

  bulb they go oh you know this uses ten [TS]

  percent less energy and then a hundred [TS]

  watt light bulb Argo will you know it's [TS]

  not like elves came into the shop and [TS]

  did that you did that you may like that [TS]

  with science [TS]

  who did they seem surprised to go oh my [TS]

  god we gotta like from you know how it [TS]

  uses to it gives ten percent less light [TS]

  lot of the time oh that's how they get [TS]

  you in your case they said well we [TS]

  arbitrarily decided to put my shit [TS]

  in this yes yeah but we're talking [TS]

  travels this product on John they own [TS]

  the whole text ack let me see here it's [TS]

  got sucralose yeah and sound good see [TS]

  ass Fame so far may know but that's the [TS]

  sucrose i think is what there is what [TS]

  I'm tasting you know I'm very sensitive [TS]

  to to aspartame or sucralose I don't [TS]

  know more about that or acacia berries [TS]

  or whatever I don't like any of them [TS]

  Oh any kind of like like it like it like [TS]

  a trendy new food additive know I'd say [TS]

  I you know like when I first when i [TS]

  first started drinking it I was like oh [TS]

  it doesn't taste like like Coke Zero [TS]

  that's this good I mean you know like [TS]

  there were two days when john john [TS]

  scalzi was drinking a lot of that stuff [TS]

  on the cruise and you know I admire him [TS]

  and and so I tried to get into because [TS]

  he's always he's crazy with the coke [TS]

  zeros and I said to myself this is it [TS]

  i'm finally I've tried I tried diet coke [TS]

  in college no luck and crews are we [TS]

  talking about the only Cruz I've ever [TS]

  been on that the Joker's john scalzi [TS]

  imagine a lot of ya have a lot of these [TS]

  know that's exactly what I just like a [TS]

  crazy person [TS]

  oh I she and I tried it and I still it's [TS]

  better it's better than the aspartame or [TS]

  however you pronounce it or whatever you [TS]

  ask for [TS]

  yeah I prison colonies and chisel [TS]

  alright alright then ball maze and so on [TS]

  the only thing to push down on my head [TS]

  that i found a Donna [TS]

  haha ok I gotta pick through this but [TS]

  you go ahead so you noticed is less [TS]

  sugar in it arbitrarily less sugar [TS]

  yeah no I don't want to I don't want [TS]

  anything to do with these anymore that I [TS]

  could tell you I didn't when I spot him [TS]

  because I look at the can and it was the [TS]

  wrong color [TS]

  here's my peers my pivot because I'm you [TS]

  know this about me then I'll get into a [TS]

  thing and I've had things in my life [TS]

  oh yes i think right now you could [TS]

  legitimately say that for some years now [TS]

  seltzer water has been a thing like that [TS]

  right coffee maker that you sent me was [TS]

  also like you were in the middle of a [TS]

  thing just happened to be that you were [TS]

  buying coffee makers was it that is it [TS]

  the pushy kind is it can you push it to [TS]

  the little tube pushy pushy pushy boochi [TS]

  boochi but you know for a long time it [TS]

  was coca-cola I would drink and in what [TS]

  I'm getting at some people it's smoking [TS]

  but there's a good go-to thing that you [TS]

  return to for nourishment comfort [TS]

  whatever several times a day i think a [TS]

  cigarette is a good example for me [TS]

  Salters good example I think about 12 of [TS]

  these cans a day [TS]

  yeah i'm just always i'm always what I [TS]

  have to eight cans on my desk right now [TS]

  in different states of undress mostly [TS]

  drunk dude do you have things like that [TS]

  because it feels like it pushes up [TS]

  against some issues that you have with [TS]

  the world it seems to me like you know [TS]

  you don't there's a time when you smoke [TS]

  cigarettes and when you smoke cigarettes [TS]

  i think you smoked a lot of cigarettes [TS]

  yeah and then and then you stop that yes [TS]

  and it seems like you try to catch [TS]

  yourself and say leave it you see [TS]

  yourself I feel like I feel like you see [TS]

  yourself having something turned into [TS]

  something you're doing too often or [TS]

  perhaps with not thinking about it and [TS]

  you say leave it is that accurate you [TS]

  trying trying to be the ball [TS]

  the ball seeing you see the ball mhm and [TS]

  then you be the ball [TS]

  it's good to be the ball I've never been [TS]

  quite sure i think a lot of you to say [TS]

  that it's not like people saying they [TS]

  want to be rich [TS]

  they say they want to be the ball I [TS]

  don't know if they really want to be the [TS]

  ball if you have all you have is a nail [TS]

  every problem looks like a high so I so [TS]

  the last couple of days [TS]

  this is a i'm starting to wonder whether [TS]

  this is a problem or not [TS]

  okay well you came to the right place [TS]

  because I I'm feeling super duper weird [TS]

  right now and partly it's because I've [TS]

  been waking up in the middle of the [TS]

  night and staying awake for a couple of [TS]

  hours because right as I'm about to go [TS]

  to sleep i'm already asleep let's call [TS]

  it asleep [TS]

  let's call it at oh I've got a toe in a [TS]

  sleep you know that you know that thing [TS]

  when you're when you're like I didn't [TS]

  sleep at all or I haven't been asleep [TS]

  and in fact you were asleep [TS]

  you know that feeling when you well you [TS]

  know things it's hard to remember being [TS]

  asleep until you're awake but also your [TS]

  fitbit will tell you how much you were [TS]

  actually sleeping and it make you feel [TS]

  bad sometimes what I've noted well so [TS]

  that's there's that but I I often will [TS]

  say oh you know I just laid down here [TS]

  for a second i didn't really sleep and I [TS]

  looked and the clock will reveal [TS]

  actually 45 minutes have gone somebody [TS]

  was sleeping [TS]

  somebody in this room sleeping and so [TS]

  there's but I I have a pretty good good [TS]

  good close relationship with the [TS]

  in-and-out area of sleep right I'm a [TS]

  little bit in a little bit out and [TS]

  lately i'll get a little bit into sleep [TS]

  just like just just dip your toe in [TS]

  there and then somebody in the dream not [TS]

  like a bad person but somebody that I [TS]

  know or that is a tangential character [TS]

  or you know casual somebody on the [TS]

  street will turn and and there will be [TS]

  like an uncomfortableness i will feel a [TS]

  little off [TS]

  there's something a little off happening [TS]

  here and I and this is the you know like [TS]

  I had I had nightmares [TS]

  I was young like anybody I think a but [TS]

  lately for a long time i have not i [TS]

  haven't had any kind of bad dreams at [TS]

  all and I'm haven't been remembering my [TS]

  dreams at all [TS]

  I've just been I i look forward to sleep [TS]

  I laid down I mean I don't like to go to [TS]

  sleep as we've discussed but it's not [TS]

  that I dread sleep I just don't want to [TS]

  have to stop being awake but it's not i [TS]

  go what awaits me you know it's the it's [TS]

  the babadook or whatever who's out who I [TS]

  don't want any bad times like it's not [TS]

  like that i just like i enjoy sleeping [TS]

  but lately there will be like [TS]

  a-something the jars me from within the [TS]

  dream space so you become sort of [TS]

  self-aware these are in a dream and it's [TS]

  time to go well and then i but then i [TS]

  get up i get a panicky feeling within [TS]

  the dream and then I come out of the [TS]

  half of sleep place in a kind of like [TS]

  panic that feels a little bit like if [TS]

  you put baking soda and vinegar together [TS]

  like haha you know he accidentally make [TS]

  a dream volcano I make a dream volcano [TS]

  when i pop up my pop up out of sleep but [TS]

  then I'm like I'm breathing fast and i'm [TS]

  highly highly suggestible [TS]

  uh-uh is I'm highly suggestible of [TS]

  causality of that feeling in the sense [TS]

  that i know that it is a reason that [TS]

  happened [TS]

  yeah okay and i think there's a reason [TS]

  in the real world that had happened [TS]

  alright i don't i don't think that there [TS]

  is right i mean if I'm thinking about it [TS]

  it's like oh you got into a dream weird [TS]

  dream place and then you got into a [TS]

  strange panic and now you're awake like [TS]

  roll over and go back to sleep okay but [TS]

  I'm suggest a bull and have been for now [TS]

  years [TS]

  that in fact there was either a new foe [TS]

  in my room trying to touch me and that's [TS]

  what caused me to jump out of sleep or [TS]

  that was no is that still occasionally [TS]

  still happen that UFOs come in the night [TS]

  you look for the anchorman [TS]

  um well the thing is I have I have I [TS]

  have a sponge these yarns to myself such [TS]

  that i have created i think a lifetime [TS]

  susceptibility to my own goof [TS]

  uh-huh which is like if you are afraid [TS]

  of ghosts then yes ghosts exist because [TS]

  you are afraid of them [TS]

  you're creating them if you're seeing [TS]

  them right and you're seeing angels in [TS]

  the architecture and you're seeing UFOs [TS]

  in the closet and that that's real the [TS]

  clothes in the closet [TS]

  no no I'm not being facetious I am I [TS]

  mean we're pattern matching things and [TS]

  it only takes a little bit of some kind [TS]

  of emotional or intellectual fuel to [TS]

  have you start seeing your noticing [TS]

  things in certain ways I think everybody [TS]

  does that [TS]

  yeah and-and-and so i have i've dug a [TS]

  little trench in my imagination that [TS]

  where where I attribute my panic to one [TS]

  of these various causes either like [TS]

  ghouls or a kind of generalized the [TS]

  devilment yeah but there's a third man [TS]

  not to be you know that's right so yeah [TS]

  I bet there's something there's some [TS]

  kind of an external ish thing that's [TS]

  causing that to happen [TS]

  yeah and so then I can't I can't [TS]

  immediately roll over and go back to [TS]

  sleep because I'm I'm hyperventilating a [TS]

  little bit and I'm searching the room [TS]

  and I'm saying OK a is there a new foe [TS]

  who has come to touch me but then run [TS]

  away like a child like alien that [TS]

  doesn't want to reveal itself that isn't [TS]

  ready to say that isn't ready to greet [TS]

  me on the international stage like you [TS]

  know like a like a dignitary but it's [TS]

  just like more mischievous yeah sneaking [TS]

  into my house the villain island and [TS]

  tickling my feet making me waking me up [TS]

  from a dream [TS]

  yeah that seems like a dumb thing for an [TS]

  alien to do but they're being screwed up [TS]

  all yeah [TS]

  or is it that even though i've been [TS]

  living in this house for 10 years [TS]

  it's suddenly haunted haunted by the [TS]

  haunted by the googles uh-huh of of the [TS]

  10,000 Civil War soldiers that never [TS]

  ever marched through this erica mhm or [TS]

  uh or something else is it is a [TS]

  premonition is it so for forever reason [TS]

  then I lay in bed awake and this is this [TS]

  only been happening very recently never [TS]

  played me but uh the last couple of days [TS]

  I I ran out of my medicine my medication [TS]

  and I stopped and I was like oh I gotta [TS]

  go to the drugstore and get that stuff [TS]

  and then I forgot that day and then the [TS]

  next day I forgot [TS]

  and so now that stuff a little strange [TS]

  system for a little while but it starts [TS]

  at life in its way out [TS]

  yeah right half-life who and so I'm I'm [TS]

  feeling did you remember the movie [TS]

  dreamscape not really what is what [TS]

  happened to them [TS]

  well dreamscape was a movie from the [TS]

  nineteen eighties mid-nineteen eighties [TS]

  which sort of our hour a day for [TS]

  cultural references [TS]

  yeah and stars a little guy you might [TS]

  remember by the name dennis quaid ok [TS]

  Capshaw nothing wrong with that and um [TS]

  and so you know it's got max ones sido [TS]

  in it [TS]

  Christopher Plummer and Christopher [TS]

  Plummer who was a captain's on trap [TS]

  yeah that's right but um it was a movie [TS]

  about like Cold War paranoia and he [TS]

  could go into the dreams right he was it [TS]

  was like all those all those movies like [TS]

  inner space or the movies at the time [TS]

  where people were treating themselves [TS]

  down and going into the bloodstream in a [TS]

  little submarine under you know it was [TS]

  like a science science thriller where [TS]

  where there's interspace also featuring [TS]

  dennis quaid oh interesting huh IC well [TS]

  um yes interesting what do you think [TS]

  that it is there a connection do you [TS]

  think I think we're going to me find one [TS]

  uh so and you're familiar with the [TS]

  familiar with the the actor david [TS]

  patrick kelly maybe from the movie The [TS]

  Warrior's he was in 48 hours how that [TS]

  guy [TS]

  the guy sure he played a lot of bad guy [TS]

  oh yeah look at that guy so he is the [TS]

  bad guy in the in this movie [TS]

  he's a pisa he is a assassin who goes [TS]

  into the dream of the president because [TS]

  he's gonna kill him in the dream [TS]

  ok and then in the real world space the [TS]

  president will appear to have just had a [TS]

  heart attack in his sleep [TS]

  oh that's good but in fact he's been [TS]

  killed by a dream assassin and dennis [TS]

  quaid has to go into the go into the [TS]

  dream the president's dream through the [TS]

  through a wall right he's like think [TS]

  they'd get him into the room next door [TS]

  cuz you gotta be certain somewhat [TS]

  proximate get to the person whose dream [TS]

  you're getting into a little bit like [TS]

  the plot of stranger vacations or [TS]

  whatever the TV show that everybody's [TS]

  watching along the netflix also little [TS]

  bit of the little bit of what's called [TS]

  proprioception the Batman guy was a [TS]

  movie reception interception 20 [TS]

  interception [TS]

  yeah internet it's called inner yeah [TS]

  interceptions interceptions that's [TS]

  everything we get the levels and spin [TS]

  your top [TS]

  mmm the world folds over on itself yeah [TS]

  yeah like which is a great effect but [TS]

  but but weird [TS]

  yeah anyway so but the but what would [TS]

  complicate so there's the dream assassin [TS]

  plot which is pretty heavy and david [TS]

  patrick kelly super good bad guy but [TS]

  what complicates it is that the [TS]

  president is having a dream about the [TS]

  about a post nuclear apocalypse that is [TS]

  his fault he started in a nuclear war [TS]

  and now he's like living in the [TS]

  blown-out future world so the president [TS]

  the president's already in it in a [TS]

  hellscape of his own and then the dream [TS]

  assassin' comes to kill him and then [TS]

  Dennis great comes in to kill the dream [TS]

  assess I want to give too much away but [TS]

  a not a super good movie but it really [TS]

  up imprinted on me this this geography [TS]

  that you can be a the president [TS]

  b think you're responsible for nuclear [TS]

  war every night when you go to sleep [TS]

  uh-huh and spend your whole night living [TS]

  in an apocalypse that you created and [TS]

  then you have to wake up in the morning [TS]

  and be the president again and try not [TS]

  to do it a little bit of a peacenik [TS]

  movie to be honest and then assassins [TS]

  can come into your dream and they'll [TS]

  just see my dream characters within the [TS]

  dream but it's actually a like a real [TS]

  bad guy who's there to kill you and then [TS]

  then another guy can show up so I don't [TS]

  know that imprinted on me and so that [TS]

  though that that those borderlands are [TS]

  very it's very unclear what's going on [TS]

  what you need to be or not that's [TS]

  somewhere in your mind you're you're [TS]

  wired a little bit around the idea that [TS]

  there are pathways the rogue agent could [TS]

  get into a dream [TS]

  mm I don't even feel a hundred percent [TS]

  that my dream space is safe from [TS]

  invasion [TS]

  ok but now I haven't taken my medication [TS]

  and if a handful of days yeah and so I'm [TS]

  feeling a little tingly and I'm feeling [TS]

  a little bit story and to slurry but [TS]

  it's also because I'm not sleeping so I [TS]

  cannot identify what my problem is right [TS]

  now there's a there there is little [TS]

  handful of problems little of what i [TS]

  have right now is a basket of problems [TS]

  and so that bag of holding full of small [TS]

  problem what I need to do is I mean be [TS]

  good i need to get out of here and go I [TS]

  need to stop drinking this aspartame [TS]

  coffee and go to town hitch hitch up the [TS]

  wagon get right to my dwarf a donkey's [TS]

  comfort that case [TS]

  hey somebody after our program last week [TS]

  sent me a link to a to the notion [TS]

  indivisible it is an ocean of of a [TS]

  comfort donkey and i spent a little bit [TS]

  of time researching researching [TS]

  small-town keys you a little bit of [TS]

  property [TS]

  everybody grab a stick for it exactly [TS]

  what i was thinking there was a bear was [TS]

  a picturesque [TS]

  the people obviously the people who are [TS]

  raising dwarf donkeys are baby boomers [TS]

  right i mean we keep thinking a bit at [TS]

  least in my head I have a picture of a [TS]

  baby boomer and it looks like it looks [TS]

  like a still photograph from [TS]

  30-something right they're always gonna [TS]

  I'm always going to think that they're [TS]

  30 and I'm 1500 a yuppie yuppie thank [TS]

  you exactly but baby boomers course 65 [TS]

  years old now and at least you know and [TS]

  they're wearing dad jeans [TS]

  mhm and they're voting for Trump em and [TS]

  for the most part yeah and they're [TS]

  raising dwarf donkeys right in the [TS]

  really good ones would do it [TS]

  I mean I i can think of I most 25 [TS]

  year-olds I know would happily raised [TS]

  with donkeys they just don't have the [TS]

  resources by hot and bounce about how to [TS]

  take it they buy a house with a good [TS]

  that's right big baby that they didn't [TS]

  accept our offer for a job [TS]

  millennium would love to have any kind [TS]

  of us of a [TS]

  yeah you know you go beyond the Heritage [TS]

  chickens but if you want to have [TS]

  four-legged animals that are healthy and [TS]

  have the appropriate plastic you're [TS]

  going to resources you're gonna need [TS]

  space you're going to need a tolerant [TS]

  people living in the house with you [TS]

  yep and I mean it really is it's a whole [TS]

  it's sort of like saying like oh you [TS]

  know i won't have a hot top well there's [TS]

  a lot of depends is to getting didn't do [TS]

  for was that everybody called what kinda [TS]

  donkey [TS]

  I'm gonna say dwarf donkey donkey ok but [TS]

  there was a picture so I'm looking at [TS]

  this and I'm like yeah these don't use [TS]

  are cute and of course the way they get [TS]

  you they show you dwarf donkey babies or [TS]

  see your monkey babies look like a like [TS]

  they're about the size of a scottie dog [TS]

  like this is thing I definitely want but [TS]

  we need a special plastic for that movie [TS]

  talkies look at these but then you get [TS]

  our then they grow up and it's hello [TS]

  the size of a Great Dane yeah it's a [TS]

  donkey of these are really cute John [TS]

  yeah do you see the picture of the of [TS]

  the two baby boomers mom and dad let's [TS]

  call them in a nursery with the fringe [TS]

  on top except there's no fringe so let's [TS]

  say it's a friendless Suri looks like [TS]

  one of those vehicles for that harness [TS]

  racing [TS]

  yeah that's right it looks like if [TS]

  you're going to do that fancy harness [TS]

  racing except it's it's it's two people [TS]

  and j.crew clothes and a donkey with [TS]

  blinders and the donkeys pulling them in [TS]

  the little in the little sorry [TS]

  look at the looks on their faces are [TS]

  they not smiling and I take you out with [TS]

  the don't you take the blinders on [TS]

  do they not seem like all the choices [TS]

  that they made in life better have [TS]

  deposited them here they're proud of [TS]

  don't think they're proud of everything [TS]

  and again dependencies they got they got [TS]

  time to be together when the sun is out [TS]

  yep haven't already spoke two-wheeled [TS]

  vehicle that they can both sitting [TS]

  comfortably and they have a blues club [TS]

  attack [TS]

  they've got the gear that they need to [TS]

  harness up the animal and perhaps most [TS]

  importantly they have a dwarf donkey and [TS]

  that's what those are the contingencies [TS]

  you talk about you talk about get a hot [TS]

  tub [TS]

  mhm oh boy you don't just get a hot tub [TS]

  you know what I mean you get a whole do [TS]

  you get the whole camp train of people [TS]

  from aqua quip yellowboy and plumbers [TS]

  lined up out the door and then you got [TS]

  all the little chemicals you gotta buy [TS]

  all you can do all the NHD hvac whatever [TS]

  you got water you got heated space for [TS]

  it and got his own skin step off the top [TS]

  all the time depending on how you use it [TS]

  but if you come in the tack is what's [TS]

  gonna set you back honored hundred bucks [TS]

  of a week [TS]

  oh yeah just a little leather bit how do [TS]

  you think to do you think is this [TS]

  ambassador donkey or is this more of a [TS]

  stable kind of donkey [TS]

  well that this is what we were talking [TS]

  about this before right if you're going [TS]

  to if you're going to walk into an [TS]

  airport with this guy [TS]

  yeah you have to make it yeah it's gonna [TS]

  have to be a a real vest and you have to [TS]

  make us serious you're gonna hold eye [TS]

  contact with people [TS]

  uh-huh right there gonna be 45 people [TS]

  can't be like a tee hee i'm getting away [TS]

  with something [TS]

  no no you're going to hold eye contact [TS]

  with people you're going to [TS]

  couple of letters that are better like [TS]

  notarized letters and you're going to [TS]

  just sit there and look at them and [TS]

  they're gonna look at you you're going [TS]

  to look at each other in the eye on [TS]

  you're going to say this fucking donkey [TS]

  is coming on the planet has so many [TS]

  questions I i can I don't be able to [TS]

  have so many questions about how far [TS]

  this can go is now looking at a picture [TS]

  here of three dark donkeys pulling a man [TS]

  in a very small Conestoga wagon my god [TS]

  see what I'm saying [TS]

  so so what if you show up at the airport [TS]

  with that you're looking a lot of [TS]

  comfort and I don't think you can do [TS]

  this is a mobility device mobility [TS]

  device told by three comfort down keys [TS]

  that i need to take on an airplane but [TS]

  not back you might feel this November we [TS]

  head to the polls and select the 45th [TS]

  President of the United States of [TS]

  America but today [TS]

  cards against humanity is asking you to [TS]

  vote with your dollar for the candidate [TS]

  that you support [TS]

  the Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton [TS]

  is a graduate of Yale Law School who has [TS]

  served our country as secretary of state [TS]

  senator from New York and First Lady of [TS]

  the United States in her decades of [TS]

  public service [TS]

  she has tirelessly advocated for women's [TS]

  rights campaign finance reform and [TS]

  access to healthcare [TS]

  the Republican candidate Donald Trump [TS]

  will make America great again he is a [TS]

  powerful CEO who wears three suits at [TS]

  once all across America buildings scream [TS]

  his name Trump Trump he always knows [TS]

  what time it is [TS]

  Donald Trump is a huge man who lives in [TS]

  a golf course at the end of this [TS]

  promotion cards against humanity will [TS]

  tally up the sales of both packs and [TS]

  depending on which back gets more [TS]

  support we will donate all the money in [TS]

  support of Hillary Clinton [TS]

  exercise your sacred franchise at [TS]

  www.bulbamerica.com with cards against [TS]

  humanity dot-com [TS]

  still like there are so many people i [TS]

  know young people who would just if what [TS]

  if what we needed as a culture was [TS]

  comfort donkey ranchers two-thirty so [TS]

  you would be there would be so many [TS]

  young people lining up to take this job [TS]

  all the sudden like what i call for f1 [TS]

  soliciting you doing down or if no 4-h [TS]

  also for each will become pretty cool [TS]

  for apples when you don't have to go to [TS]

  caress when you got flat feet [TS]

  yeah but you you think about that now [TS]

  you sure a plum 4-h club you gotta [TS]

  Macklemore haircut yeah right we would [TS]

  we we could repopulate the Dakotas now [TS]

  right all think oh haha all those little [TS]

  towns out there that have better that [TS]

  Monsanto bought and plowed under [TS]

  yeah you know we could just fill them up [TS]

  with macklemore's raising comfort [TS]

  donkeys but the problem is we don't need [TS]

  them [TS]

  this is the thing it seems like from if [TS]

  you're within a narrow perspective you [TS]

  you could think to yourself if we made [TS]

  enough dwarf donkeys think of the [TS]

  problems we could solve em like think of [TS]

  all the people that wants right now they [TS]

  don't want to get in their car be in [TS]

  rush hour traffic they want to go to [TS]

  work in a in a calistoga wagon pulls out [TS]

  three miniature donkeys and so and all [TS]

  we have to do is make the donkeys and [TS]

  they will come [TS]

  mm but you you kind of put your finger [TS]

  on it though you look at the millenniums [TS]

  today their parents from 30 something [TS]

  you know it's an agent destination [TS]

  population that they might have they [TS]

  might have need of this you know [TS]

  well I've been talking about alternative [TS]

  forms of transportation urban [TS]

  transportation for a long time have a [TS]

  mountain no no absolutely no we're on [TS]

  the verge on the verge of something [TS]

  about to happen and people now be honest [TS]

  and cut articles more on the cost yeah [TS]

  people are sending me articles all the [TS]

  times about Emma like metropolitan [TS]

  gondola projects and particulars on the [TS]

  rise [TS]

  literally hmm haha and I and all kinds [TS]

  of things you know like a like a book [TS]

  like Don DeLillo's a butt like actually [TS]

  the venetian kind with a with a like a [TS]

  guy standing on the back into the flat [TS]

  hat well that folder with a big stick [TS]

  that's right he carries a big stick it [TS]

  would be like bike lanes the water [TS]

  yeah exactly right i mean turn [TS]

  everywhere into Venice how hard can it [TS]

  be [TS]

  yeah but what as we move on on one hand [TS]

  to a technological super super state on [TS]

  the other hand right everybody starting [TS]

  to wear a like garters on their sleeves [TS]

  and straw boaters I saw straw boater for [TS]

  sale the other day and I was sorely [TS]

  tempted like we're waxing our mustaches [TS]

  this is the crazy thing right easy to [TS]

  get with basic attorney to Shakey's [TS]

  Pizza absolutely and and it's the it is [TS]

  the thing that defies science fiction [TS]

  like for all of the genius science [TS]

  fiction prognosticating that was done in [TS]

  the heyday of science fiction in the [TS]

  nineteen fifties and sixties when they [TS]

  were really thinking about the future [TS]

  like and we can point to a lot of [TS]

  authors and say like wow they were so [TS]

  you know like they had this they were so [TS]

  appreciative right they could see like [TS]

  we were about to develop the the talking [TS]

  broom or whatever you want to something [TS]

  that's like did we [TS]

  that's funny it was a good story my [TS]

  fiber Robert Island or whatever then [TS]

  everybody knows of life I've wounds but [TS]

  what no science fiction writer ever ever [TS]

  conceived was that in 2016 the music and [TS]

  fashion of the young people would be [TS]

  derived from like up sort of pre vodka [TS]

  ville mining aesthetic like like like [TS]

  like the early days of photography like [TS]

  banjo music and waxed cotton [TS]

  are going to be relaxed cotton a former [TS]

  weatherproofing that that has been [TS]

  obsolete since the nineteen well since [TS]

  the invention of rubber right and and [TS]

  like old-timey you know like leather [TS]

  bottom shoes and like hot behind hot pad [TS]

  up like no Sykes for general penny [TS]

  farthings in particular [TS]

  yeah right i mean who love the return of [TS]

  the penny-farthing no.1 no.1 and that's [TS]

  that and and that's the failure of the [TS]

  imagination right that that the science [TS]

  fiction writer of 1959 trying to think [TS]

  about what 2020 would be is like putting [TS]

  together all these pieces hovercrafts [TS]

  and and in fact it's it's not even like [TS]

  the the culturist has discovered enemies [TS]

  and is exploiting and mining this crazy [TS]

  vein that isn't even the sexy part of [TS]

  victoriana right it just like this just [TS]

  bizarre like it stems from a desire to [TS]

  wear suspenders again or something and [TS]

  so when I think about when I think about [TS]

  the now and and trying to science [TS]

  fiction my own future and our future of [TS]

  course we're going to say that the that [TS]

  the dwarf donkey pulling calistoga wagon [TS]

  is the future right the future of public [TS]

  transit because it comports with the [TS]

  weird trendy like past fixation the [TS]

  weird trendy like 15 years of the past [TS]

  that were focused on now but in but [TS]

  really 30 years from now the fashion is [TS]

  probably not going to be like so it's [TS]

  not going to be frontier anymore it's [TS]

  what is it going to be I don't think I [TS]

  think its trains our minds to imagine [TS]

  the ways in which dwarf donkeys are [TS]

  going to be employed others know it [TS]

  predicted right you later now [TS]

  yeah because right now you see the dwarf [TS]

  darkie and the Calcutta pulling the [TS]

  calistoga wagon with with some with some [TS]

  aging baby boomers [TS]

  and they're having a good time and you [TS]

  imagine you imagine the macklemore's [TS]

  will be having a good time doing that [TS]

  but none of us are imagining what the [TS]

  what the human children oh this is a few [TS]

  I've had trying to summarize it [TS]

  something you think about a lot about [TS]

  thinking about the future and what we [TS]

  know and what we can guess and you know [TS]

  we can sort of make these reckons about [TS]

  the date by which a certain kind of very [TS]

  specific thing might happen but we can [TS]

  never know is what happens in between [TS]

  now and then thats that's you know in [TS]

  some ways that you could you know say [TS]

  something like well you know personal [TS]

  human flight like that's gonna happen [TS]

  it's it can kind of happen now but like [TS]

  how many other like really interesting [TS]

  weird and unpredictable things will [TS]

  happen before we get jet packs right [TS]

  right well hover boards in the airport's [TS]

  I mean all the time now you see on my in [TS]

  my own neighborhood you see kids on [TS]

  those little black pepper ports with the [TS]

  weird blue glowing on studying dangerous [TS]

  i remember hearing around last Christmas [TS]

  that every single one of those dangerous [TS]

  they seem dangerous [TS]

  well then i would basically they were [TS]

  there by as such they feel like I heard [TS]

  that they had gotten very popular and [TS]

  that there is a relatively small number [TS]

  of places in China that we're making [TS]

  them entirely unregulated with regulated [TS]

  way and that they were susceptible to [TS]

  catching on fire is that was the case [TS]

  that they scaled up with that is there [TS]

  so you might want to just that you're [TS]

  gonna fall off of it and break your head [TS]

  but that it also might explode on you [TS]

  and I don't know I can't speak to them I [TS]

  I feel like I feel like it's a when I [TS]

  try to think about the future i am [TS]

  reminded of how many things in my own [TS]

  life I thought were were going to be [TS]

  valuable skills that i had acquired and [TS]

  what it turned out was that that it [TS]

  wasn't that the skill had been surpassed [TS]

  you know you think about in terms of [TS]

  computer programming right you learn how [TS]

  to program in in Fortran and then that [TS]

  skill is surpassed by the invention of a [TS]

  new language and you know and and it [TS]

  feels like a continuous improvement [TS]

  and your skills can get old you know [TS]

  your your doctor skills can get older [TS]

  your legal skills can get old and you [TS]

  need to be continually updating those [TS]

  skills right like you need to keep up [TS]

  with fortran right but it wasn't in a [TS]

  lot of skills that I acquired it wasn't [TS]

  the case that my skills became atrophied [TS]

  it was actually need for those skills in [TS]

  general just went away just went away [TS]

  i'm going to talk to think about we talk [TS]

  about what you've been able to eyeball [TS]

  you know what year that les paul came [TS]

  out things like that knowing which [TS]

  lineup of elo was which here there's [TS]

  things like that but also think about [TS]

  this time you think about the kind of [TS]

  i'm thinking about like there was that [TS]

  time in the sixties fifties and sixties [TS]

  or four in the end relatively short [TS]

  amount of time people with a high school [TS]

  education could get a really good job [TS]

  good wages good job security union job [TS]

  with benefits that would let you retire [TS]

  working in an automobile factory right [TS]

  and that was the way it was in its way a [TS]

  kind of high-tech job but think about [TS]

  you could buy a new car every three or [TS]

  four years think about VCRs getting [TS]

  popular in the early eighties and [TS]

  starting like a VCR repair business [TS]

  that's a kind of middle to high not [TS]

  high-tech but like people need somebody [TS]

  to fix the VCR missing cost five hundred [TS]

  dollars i gotta get this thing fixed [TS]

  yeah you guys look typewriter repair [TS]

  place up off a Broadway that was there [TS]

  until I took a typewriter in to be [TS]

  repaired by him into the early 2000s [TS]

  yeah yeah same kind of thing [TS]

  yeah I and I and soy i was think about [TS]

  this in terms of songwriting the other [TS]

  day but I have a good friend who whose [TS]

  name is Eric he records under the band [TS]

  name cataldo and I think he's written a [TS]

  great songwriter and I as I was [TS]

  reflecting on him and his songwriting I [TS]

  realized that his song writing or the [TS]

  art of songwriting is still a viable art [TS]

  wonderful art and you can still be [TS]

  really really great at it but the [TS]

  culture just in the in the in the last [TS]

  10 years [TS]

  has moved away from a single person [TS]

  within with the guitar writing songs in [TS]

  you know there are still plenty of [TS]

  plenty of examples that that would you [TS]

  know like what am I trying to say I'm [TS]

  exception that proves the rule but we're [TS]

  we're now in a we're now in a in a [TS]

  waning of of songwriting as the as the [TS]

  primary way that people are seeking [TS]

  music and entertainment [TS]

  I'm gonna end it waxes and wanes right i [TS]

  mean it [TS]

  there's dance music for a while and then [TS]

  it's back to songwriting and then back [TS]

  to dance music and back sometime but [TS]

  really it really does feel like a long [TS]

  time I felt a certain kind of pendulum [TS]

  swing [TS]

  yeah and right and right now it feels [TS]

  like songwriting to sit and write a song [TS]

  with the guitar is almost an [TS]

  anachronistic thing to to pursue when [TS]

  you have so many options of sitting with [TS]

  your computer and making music and you [TS]

  know generating beats and making making [TS]

  making music but that that you wouldn't [TS]

  really describe even exactly as like a [TS]

  song as much as it is a sort of scrape [TS]

  and thinking about thinking about the [TS]

  future in those terms like I think the [TS]

  song writer will always return but that [TS]

  may be a bias that maybe a a a prejudice [TS]

  that I have that favors my own past and [TS]

  my knowledge of the past and it maybe [TS]

  that's already never does return that it [TS]

  that that the technology becomes the art [TS]

  and the and every once in a while some [TS]

  some twenty-year-old Jewish kid from [TS]

  Minnesota steps up in a straw hat and [TS]

  says I'm an old man already and i'm [TS]

  going to start singing songs about [TS]

  hopping freight trains but i don't know [TS]

  how many more times that's going to work [TS]

  because you love you think about like [TS]

  what were some of the golden ages of [TS]

  what [TS]

  consider songwriting you've got i guess [TS]

  you could go back to think about [TS]

  something like Stephen Foster you think [TS]

  about ten Pan Alley you could think [TS]

  about the Gershwins but then even you [TS]

  know obviously into the sixties you got [TS]

  these weird characters like jimmy webb [TS]

  like Paul Williams back rack and how [TS]

  David then you get into things like the [TS]

  musicals and stuff like that but it [TS]

  feels like today that superstar role is [TS]

  more like a mark ronson now it's more [TS]

  like a producer and I know that's been [TS]

  around like you can go back and look at [TS]

  somebody like trevor horn in the [TS]

  eighties nobody ever remembers him from [TS]

  the Buggles they if they do remember him [TS]

  know I'm from frankie goes to hollywood [TS]

  and yes an ABC and stuff like that [TS]

  whereas today again microns and i think [TS]

  is a good example where like Kiki name [TS]

  that mean like Mark Ronson songs that [TS]

  you like as one of the ride the bikes [TS]

  around [TS]

  I don't know but I know he does this [TS]

  thing with lady gaga [TS]

  I know it isn't that has that kind of [TS]

  become the new song writing [TS]

  well I mean I listen to music all the [TS]

  time in in different environments where [TS]

  I'm kind of astonished like you can hear [TS]

  the music was expensive to make [TS]

  even if you're just my even if you're [TS]

  really gifted and just making it on a [TS]

  laptop at home it's expensive to make [TS]

  because it because of the way it sounds [TS]

  you have to have you have expensive [TS]

  equipment and you have access to two [TS]

  good players like it's not it's not [TS]

  stuff you can program the plane there's [TS]

  some of its played you know and but I [TS]

  can't figure out what the market for [TS]

  this music is it was it was expensive to [TS]

  make and I'm hearing it now so it was [TS]

  disseminated obviously but who would buy [TS]

  this it isn't songs it's not stuff that [TS]

  you're like you know get that record so [TS]

  i can play that song over and over it's [TS]

  you know it's musical its musical [TS]

  landscape and yeah i think that the line [TS]

  between between music maker and producer [TS]

  and songwriter is all very blurred [TS]

  I obviously pop music is still churning [TS]

  out song based hits but but those are [TS]

  being written by songwriters in a kind [TS]

  of in a very different way it's not very [TS]

  brittle building e but i but i'm trying [TS]

  to you know like when I think of 30 [TS]

  years from now and people listening to [TS]

  music there's a very real chance that [TS]

  the way people think about music 30 [TS]

  years from now isn't it just hasn't [TS]

  occurred to me and I'm and I'm still [TS]

  thinking like well the songwriters going [TS]

  to come back after this is that if after [TS]

  this period of of dance you know then [TS]

  that then that guitar is coming back out [TS]

  of the closet as it's done a handful of [TS]

  times in my own life but it but it isn't [TS]

  inevitable and i think that i think [TS]

  that's the hardest part of of [TS]

  prognosticating certainly when I was [TS]

  running for office it was the hardest [TS]

  part of talking about transportation [TS]

  with people because they just cannot [TS]

  conceive of a time when the the [TS]

  paradigms change so that the whole [TS]

  notion of like I was driving along the [TS]

  other day looking out the window at [TS]

  because you get out you get outside of [TS]

  the center of any town and all of a [TS]

  sudden I mean no just a little bit [TS]

  outside the center all of a sudden the [TS]

  parking lots just gets so big for things [TS]

  you know you're the parking lot of aloes [TS]

  is bigger than the low life I totally [TS]

  forget about that until in there and [TS]

  it's like what I mean even you know in [TS]

  san francisco and the bay area it's [TS]

  nothing like Florida [TS]

  I mean there's it's unless it is like [TS]

  literally like Christmas Eve the parking [TS]

  lot at the mall does not get full the [TS]

  parking lot at walmart and Sam's does [TS]

  not get full because it is is so so very [TS]

  big there so there's so much park and so [TS]

  much land that we think of as being [TS]

  under development or on you know this [TS]

  land is being used its not abandoned [TS]

  land but it's just paved and like and [TS]

  follow except on Christmas like [TS]

  you say and so when you're talking about [TS]

  a future and I think in the very near [TS]

  future where parking is no longer a [TS]

  thing you know if if my predictions are [TS]

  true and make the coffee [TS]

  I'm do i am no i didn't just just [TS]

  curious i'm gonna get a lot of fully [TS]

  there it's gonna make sure people know [TS]

  you're making a constant oh you talk [TS]

  about fully noise like this like that's [TS]

  good fully yeah a little bit low back [TS]

  the background noise i want people to be [TS]

  able to locate and its products that i [TS]

  also want to show you're not confusing [TS]

  anybody [TS]

  yeah did you do you think our audience [TS]

  gets confused [TS]

  god I hope so i think that they stay [TS]

  right with us have you ever heard this [TS]

  is these are my four cast iron pans [TS]

  right here's one here's to here's the [TS]

  third one that's the you know your home [TS]

  John set your office pants but she hates [TS]

  these banks but like one parking goes [TS]

  away when it's no longer a necessity [TS]

  our world is going to look bananas to us [TS]

  they're gonna look back sees get your [TS]

  paved driveway you get in your car [TS]

  one person in the car on the paved [TS]

  driveway the pair driver goes out to the [TS]

  paved little court by your house you [TS]

  take that to get to the other paved road [TS]

  to go on this very big payroll full of 1 [TS]

  people in a car you get off at the paved [TS]

  ex that you drive down the paved access [TS]

  road you pull into the parking lot [TS]

  that's going to seem but Nana's to go to [TS]

  pay the electric bill or pick up some [TS]

  JoJo's that's gonna seem nuts [TS]

  it's not it's not so it seems that's [TS]

  already but not like everybody but [TS]

  people go when you say that because yeah [TS]

  because they got their reasons they got [TS]

  well because yeah they haven't there a [TS]

  particularly at the level of like hi I'm [TS]

  running for office and I think that in [TS]

  particular when we're talking about a [TS]

  three billion dollar levy to expand this [TS]

  system and build it in such a way that [TS]

  it lasts 50 years [TS]

  we're going to build this tunnel under [TS]

  the city and it's going to last [TS]

  for a hundred years and and you're [TS]

  running for office and saying like it [TS]

  may last 400 years but we are only going [TS]

  to need it for another eight years they [TS]

  don't have to do is go back and look at [TS]

  let's pick out an arbitrary time like [TS]

  what what's the time when the car first [TS]

  started coming around was nowhere near [TS]

  as popular as a horse so [TS]

  turn-of-the-century 19 even 19-teens [TS]

  let's call it 19 so the 19-teens i mean [TS]

  i'm sure there were a lot of people who [TS]

  said look you know these horses are [TS]

  producing a lot of waste we're going to [TS]

  need ways to better accommodate the [TS]

  waste of horses which is a completely [TS]

  sensible thing to say as long as you [TS]

  assume that that curve is going to [TS]

  continue to go up rather than not just [TS]

  go down but go away i'm going to be the [TS]

  horse poop mover king of New York City [TS]

  in 1920 i'm going to move more horse [TS]

  poop out of New York in nineteen twenty [TS]

  people that's going to get people to [TS]

  vote [TS]

  they're going to turn out for that [TS]

  because I'm not forget where I heard [TS]

  that there's a wonderful story might [TS]

  have been on 90% invisible but there's a [TS]

  story about anything chicago and just [TS]

  the the incredible problem they were [TS]

  having with the amount of horse waste [TS]

  and one request and i think they were [TS]

  just dumping it into the lake i guess [TS]

  but it was like about playgrounds was [TS]

  the episode like that's right there was [TS]

  an episode that led to like why did they [TS]

  raised up the building's one floor in [TS]

  order to put in sewage but but anyway [TS]

  i'm starting to derail you but that's [TS]

  the kind of thing where like I don't [TS]

  think it's surpassingly difficult to [TS]

  look at that in retrospect and say you [TS]

  know what I could see how that was [TS]

  really awful but I'm glad at some point [TS]

  there was one day or there was one week [TS]

  where we went from our last idea of how [TS]

  much we should worry about horse poop to [TS]

  the next idea of like me you know i'm [TS]

  kinda coming around idea we need to [TS]

  think about this problem a little bit [TS]

  differently sometimes got to do that at [TS]

  some point I'm not asking you to give up [TS]

  your car or hate your car [TS]

  I'm just asking you to be honest about [TS]

  looking at the fact that it's not [TS]

  sustainable for the future and there are [TS]

  many there may be better ways I'm not [TS]

  asking you to do anything except keep in [TS]

  mind that there might be better ways i [TS]

  want to know how we're going to employ [TS]

  dwarf animals in the future because i [TS]

  feel like the axis of dwarf animals [TS]

  is I mean like we are making more and [TS]

  more finals all the time [TS]

  yeah right like the i think that there's [TS]

  this may be a money-making opportunity [TS]

  this may also just be like one of those [TS]

  things where when they look back [TS]

  they say the you know the isaac asimov's [TS]

  of dwarf animal prognostication word [TS]

  John and Merlin in 2008 the it Taylor [TS]

  2016 they foresaw a time when though the [TS]

  global need for animals that are small [TS]

  that are forever young [TS]

  right yeah like we have a global now and [TS]

  like passionate need desperate need for [TS]

  baby animals and all you have to do I [TS]

  mean it's like it's what forty percent [TS]

  of the internet right is is a is baby [TS]

  animals [TS]

  well what if we--what if we do a little [TS]

  bit of blue sky solution hearing here [TS]

  what if what if we stop acting like this [TS]

  is something exceptional or weird then [TS]

  we'll go away when people stop being [TS]

  weird about this one thing and see what [TS]

  is what if it's almost the opposite of [TS]

  that [TS]

  what about this is the thing we never [TS]

  knew we needed because of the following [TS]

  opportunities i'll toss out one just a [TS]

  larger idea of accessibility [TS]

  accessibility is good for everyone [TS]

  there's no reason not to have [TS]

  accessibility the biggest failure of [TS]

  accessibility is not thinking about [TS]

  early enough [TS]

  this is how you make ugly things that's [TS]

  how you make costly things if you think [TS]

  about accessibility from the beginning [TS]

  and stop acting like it's some weird [TS]

  thing to accommodate you know this this [TS]

  one guy in a wheelchair go now everybody [TS]

  needs this for will need this think [TS]

  about that from the beginning and all [TS]

  the sudden lots of things start to [TS]

  change what if in fact and you know what [TS]

  a shame on us [TS]

  maybe we're being too specific by saying [TS]

  it needs to be a dwarf donkey or a [TS]

  specific comfort animal [TS]

  obviously this Venn diagram with this [TS]

  this is heavily correlates with things [TS]

  like want to pet the millenniums are not [TS]

  going to want kids the same way that the [TS]

  previous generations wanted kids know [TS]

  who knows he has no we won't get who [TS]

  wanted a kid I mean I don't think the [TS]

  previous generation wanted kids they [TS]

  wanted draft animals and the cheapest [TS]

  ones were kids they want to draft [TS]

  animals so yeah so it was it might have [TS]

  been dwarfed takis all along [TS]

  that's what I'm saying you're going [TS]

  get down uh-huh my my my my feeling is [TS]

  yes right like that lately in it in an [TS]

  increasingly large number of Seattle [TS]

  businesses when you walk in now the [TS]

  restrooms are like gender-neutral gender [TS]

  gender open and it is so logical [TS]

  it's just so reasonable like you [TS]

  couldn't possibly have a problem with it [TS]

  because only reasonable obvious and not [TS]

  costly not weird there's nothing like [TS]

  that it's difficult [TS]

  the only thing that's difficult is to [TS]

  imagine ever a time when the bathrooms [TS]

  were segregated by gender like you look [TS]

  at me go right ok at a baseball game in [TS]

  a stadium right where there are 15,000 [TS]

  guys that all want to take a piss at [TS]

  once [TS]

  there should be yes absolutely be [TS]

  troughs where though where you can heard [TS]

  all those wildebeests into a thing where [TS]

  they can just pee and keep moving right [TS]

  i mean that like it should be a keep [TS]

  moving get out of the way situation you [TS]

  entered by this door you start peeing [TS]

  you keep moving toward that door and [TS]

  then you be done peeing by the end right [TS]

  don't give up but otherwise any other [TS]

  kind of restroom facility [TS]

  what the hell we have thinking me that [TS]

  they were that they were segregated [TS]

  right that mean you can have a little [TS]

  anteroom where there's a mirror and a [TS]

  sink that everybody can use and then [TS]

  just just parties and that's a that's [TS]

  like a no-brainer like act access [TS]

  no-brainer there the bathroom the [TS]

  bathroom at my junior high which was [TS]

  built in i think 1977-78 at the time [TS]

  seemed weird revolutionary I don't know [TS]

  what of course they still had boys and [TS]

  girls bathrooms but when you walked into [TS]

  that bathroom it wasn't really a room it [TS]

  was really more like it was more closer [TS]

  to what you see in an airport you know [TS]

  where those doors in there's like a [TS]

  doorway and out you think about the [TS]

  classic let them start let me backtrack [TS]

  you think about the classic old-school [TS]

  bathroom is there is a door that says [TS]

  boys or girls you go inside and ever [TS]

  things inside in this instance there was [TS]

  more like a you can kind of see it you [TS]

  could see into this from outside because [TS]

  it didn't matter [TS]

  there was a an area with like six or [TS]

  eight sinks and and paper towel [TS]

  dispensers and then behind that there's [TS]

  like a dozen doors full like [TS]

  floor-to-ceiling doors that you open up [TS]

  to go inside into this your own little [TS]

  private corridor you close and lock the [TS]

  door he used the bathroom [TS]

  why is that not [TS]

  why is that not [TS]

  pretty much every bathroom mhm mhm if [TS]

  you have a private to do you do the [TS]

  private stuff in and install it's [TS]

  actually private the old bathrooms which [TS]

  a lot of people a lot of people any [TS]

  younger than us would have no memory of [TS]

  i'm talking about the bathrooms that [TS]

  were in downtown buildings that were not [TS]

  like 70 skyscrapers but proper old [TS]

  Chrysler Building style downtown [TS]

  buildings or bus stations and most of [TS]

  the courthouses most of the buildings [TS]

  that my father spent a lot of time and [TS]

  I'm not saying he spent a lot of time in [TS]

  bus stations but you but the world so [TS]

  the world of 1970 which was the decaying [TS]

  world of 1935 where the bathrooms what [TS]

  decades DK are we actually seeing the [TS]

  current decade i like you know like [TS]

  right now reason we're seeing that the [TS]

  detriment of the eighties mostly yeah [TS]

  right i mean you see the garbage around [TS]

  you and you're like oh my god eighties a [TS]

  early nineties garbage in 1970 it was [TS]

  all 1935 garbage all these little little [TS]

  old people you know still wearing [TS]

  fedoras eating and diet eating in those [TS]

  little like railroad diners where you [TS]

  know you you walk in and there's just [TS]

  there's a ham all those bathrooms had [TS]

  marble floors and the the stalls were [TS]

  divided by the sheets of marble that [TS]

  were like two inches thick right with [TS]

  giant heavy wooden doors heavy doors and [TS]

  and and porcelain Thrones porcelain [TS]

  toilet that were like things of beauty [TS]

  everything about these bathrooms when [TS]

  they were constructed or things of [TS]

  beauty and by 1975 they were like us [TS]

  weird a like the marble is all kind of [TS]

  discolored and the door has the door [TS]

  fell off its hinges and somebody screwed [TS]

  it back in with a different size bolt [TS]

  and and and there was always a suspicion [TS]

  that there was somebody in one of the [TS]

  stalls that had been there all day [TS]

  yeah um but the sound of walking into [TS]

  one of those bathrooms in like that and [TS]

  echoing of your of your leather soled [TS]

  wingtips like that that's a that's a [TS]

  thing that they they started taking [TS]

  those bathrooms away they just started [TS]

  cutting them and replacing them with [TS]

  just shaped bathroom huh [TS]

  but like those bathrooms even in 1935 [TS]

  could have been like up all in everybody [TS]

  in also almost everybody skate well I [TS]

  mean you're describing i can think of [TS]

  that so clears buildings downtown [TS]

  they're still like that we're like place [TS]

  to get a haircut to get the keys you go [TS]

  upstairs you know it's again not meant [TS]

  it was meant for a different time it was [TS]

  meant to be like there's a bunch of [TS]

  businesses in this building it wasn't [TS]

  meant to accommodate people come from [TS]

  the haircut place downstairs bathroom [TS]

  itself it you know obviously was from [TS]

  the twenties or thirties like you said [TS]

  it was like being in the Senate or [TS]

  something but really shabby and rundown [TS]

  very difficult to maintain focus on it [TS]

  was in that time [TS]

  no am i right there anything but you're [TS]

  also talking about this fixation people [TS]

  have on bathrooms as place for aberrant [TS]

  vice and so that's what lets you look in [TS]

  my high school you know my high school [TS]

  the bathroom stalls in the boys room did [TS]

  not have doors [TS]

  oh right if you want to poop you had to [TS]

  do it and of course i never would prison [TS]

  poop and I guess yeah sure you can begin [TS]

  to prune wine i had to go into this [TS]

  because that made it easier to manage [TS]

  and maintain you could you see people [TS]

  smoking need to them fighting you do see [TS]

  them doing all the aberrant things that [TS]

  boys do in bathrooms so you know one of [TS]

  it is like let's let's try to keep [TS]

  aberrant stuff out of bathrooms but [TS]

  that's I don't know man I think that's [TS]

  the fixation is this still this idea [TS]

  that there's going to be some dude in [TS]

  the bathroom [TS]

  who's there to do something with his [TS]

  wiener that ain't peeing and so not my [TS]

  daughter she's not going in like well [TS]

  that's that's such a strange angle it's [TS]

  like refusing to go in brick buildings [TS]

  because you think your heart is yours [TS]

  your mom that doesn't like brick [TS]

  buildings know my mom loves brick [TS]

  building but it wasn't she has a problem [TS]

  with some kind of [TS]

  right so many kinds of buildings that [TS]

  she has she has problems with [TS]

  contemporary shite construction [TS]

  yeah but she's not opposed to like I I [TS]

  don't think she's supposed to be like [TS]

  any particular structure but it's our [TS]

  hang-ups in the same way that we're [TS]

  dealing with the garbage eighties I mean [TS]

  it's our hang-ups from other decades [TS]

  they keep us from I'm not incest again [TS]

  let's just be clear I'm not telling you [TS]

  to change anything today I'm just saying [TS]

  like are you sure that the things you're [TS]

  positive about still have any relevance [TS]

  today and is it possible that the things [TS]

  you're so positive about that you things [TS]

  still have well is there any chance at [TS]

  all at that point of view that's doing [TS]

  nothing to make your life better might [TS]

  actually harming someone else when this [TS]

  is what I'm saying about dwarf animal [TS]

  yeah we have a lot of I think we we [TS]

  mocked dwarf animals in general and baby [TS]

  animals and a fixation on baby animals [TS]

  on the internet not we don't viciously [TS]

  market it just seems like beneath one's [TS]

  dignity to spend too much time secretly [TS]

  looking at pictures of teacup poodles [TS]

  and tiny little pigs home and spend [TS]

  spend a week at our house you're gonna [TS]

  come around [TS]

  well this is the thing and I mean but we [TS]

  all do it right I mean I'm i like I'm [TS]

  not gonna go out on a I'm not gonna out [TS]

  myself on my award-winning podcast yeah [TS]

  by saying that I spend any amount of [TS]

  time looking at tiny little baby [TS]

  alligators or cute like owls playing [TS]

  with cats or whatever cyanide is [TS]

  observed killing the whole upset have [TS]

  you ever seen the pudu can encourage you [TS]

  to just go your search engine and type [TS]

  in pud you alright puu because i'm [TS]

  thinking like donkeys are good kind of [TS]

  big what if we got some of these all out [TS]

  oh it's the world a little South [TS]

  American dear world's smallest breed of [TS]

  deer can you see little they are [TS]

  oh that's a very little dear yeah it's a [TS]

  deer that looks a little bit like a [TS]

  rodent it kind of has like and it's like [TS]

  a copy berra who meets a oh boy sighs [TS]

  dog o.o see now so so here's the here's [TS]

  appears me here [TS]

  here we are [TS]

  at the crossroads there's not going to [TS]

  be parking anymore okay all this land in [TS]

  all their get over it is not going to be [TS]

  partying we're gonna pull up all that [TS]

  all that asphalt and we're going to [TS]

  reuse it we're going to squeeze it [TS]

  we're going to milk it for the oil and [TS]

  and we're gonna turn it into park [TS]

  benches or whatever people do we're [TS]

  gonna supertrain it all that asphalt [TS]

  then we're gonna have all this open land [TS]

  there's going to be these little these [TS]

  Lohse's presumably we're still going to [TS]

  need Lohse's because who what is the the [TS]

  chain of stores [TS]

  yeah what is somebody gonna do if they [TS]

  want to tear the classic [TS]

  turn-of-the-century kitchen and bathroom [TS]

  out of there [TS]

  vintage home and turn it into a thing [TS]

  that feels like one of those hotel rooms [TS]

  that used to extended-stay hotel room if [TS]

  you're on a business trip [TS]

  oh yeah like what if we're being be the [TS]

  place up a little bit your cell phone I [TS]

  new Wi-Fi broom yeah running Wi-Fi we're [TS]

  going to us but or you but you're gonna [TS]

  order it on your amazon you know it's [TS]

  gonna be amazon / low / / AOL / MSNBC [TS]

  you're gonna go to get a gig or you're [TS]

  probably gonna go to get it you're going [TS]

  to say Siri is it raining and then zooey [TS]

  deschanel is going to start to cry i [TS]

  don't know how the future's going [TS]

  but what I've ok but I you want what you [TS]

  want Zoey Deschanel to be your serious [TS]

  voice you think you'd like that [TS]

  Oh Syria is only ever of Siri is like [TS]

  Harvey Korman to me in the sense that [TS]

  keep a straight face [TS]

  o people in the sense that you know like [TS]

  every once in a while I'll be [TS]

  interacting with my phone and then all [TS]

  of a sudden Harvey Korman opens a closet [TS]

  door and says hello and happens [TS]

  accidentally like no Harvey no back it's [TS]

  not your no not your turn yet like yeah [TS]

  i've never used here i have never [TS]

  employed any of the voice command [TS]

  systems in my phone voluntarily ok [TS]

  they're just what they're like they are [TS]

  easter eggs if the easter egg was like a [TS]

  like a 10 angry crocodile you know like [TS]

  my like I don't know and then you can't [TS]

  then you're like tumbling and no i don't [TS]

  use this thing but i but i but i know [TS]

  that 1i know that people do is [TS]

  constantly constantly matter how he [TS]

  right now and scrub doors going up and [TS]

  down for two miles away at me nothing [TS]

  Siri Siri disconnect disconnect in the [TS]

  house of the sprinklers are on in golf [TS]

  niner-niner abort abort [TS]

  haha but so so we keep thinking that the [TS]

  purpose of these animals of these tiny [TS]

  deer and of these dwarf donkeys pulling [TS]

  little carriages is that they are there [TS]

  there a boot amusements there are a [TS]

  moose bushes they are mrs. Bush [TS]

  amuse-bouche right there lieutenant [TS]

  colonel over and we don't we don't think [TS]

  of them as practical we're not [TS]

  envisioning a future [TS]

  well in the same way that 15 years ago [TS]

  we never could have envisioned that the [TS]

  banjo would become the primary [TS]

  instrument of contemporary pop in 2016 [TS]

  we are not we are not realizing that the [TS]

  pudu maybe is like a real economic [TS]

  driver to do ranching a like how are we [TS]

  going to employ booze in in a future [TS]

  economy that we can't [TS]

  even with we can't even picture right [TS]

  now but i think there is a place for [TS]

  Putin's I think we're going to make a [TS]

  place for it and then and then retro [TS]

  actively it's gonna seem inevitable [TS]

  there it was we were always on a [TS]

  collision course with with produce well [TS]

  think about automobiles weird nuisance [TS]

  they're just scaring the horses [TS]

  mmm sure and think about think about [TS]

  right now we you know like it's hard for [TS]

  us to imagine while what's the next [TS]

  animal that someone's going to meet on [TS]

  an airplane with them but the reality is [TS]

  all the animals the the airplanes are [TS]

  going to be full of animals and that's [TS]

  going to seem totally normal [TS]

  everyone is going to travel with a [TS]

  companion animal of some kind [TS]

  I'm just I'm I'm I'm like I'm spitballin [TS]

  here in blue sky in maybe 20 years from [TS]

  now every single person travels with a [TS]

  companion animal all the time [TS]

  backpacks there was a time when only [TS]

  children and hippies and people who [TS]

  camped use backpacks right it would seem [TS]

  you would get it would seem weird for a [TS]

  grown person I think about when I [TS]

  started college when I got my first like [TS]

  jansport stones called or like one of [TS]

  those cool backpacks and i think when i [TS]

  went to college is when I got one [TS]

  because i knew that i needed when you [TS]

  went to college you had a backpack you [TS]

  were on the one-shoulder even though [TS]

  that was kind of stupid and you put your [TS]

  books in there and then within the next [TS]

  few years ago it's gonna be six still [TS]

  had the briefcase briefcase a quality [TS]

  Wall Street Journal folder Wall Street [TS]

  Journal a briefcase [TS]

  well young girl but now when Michael J [TS]

  Fox arises skateboard into the malt shop [TS]

  II and the guy says why you wearing a [TS]

  life preserver right yeah just fall off [TS]

  a boat that were there in the middle of [TS]

  Ohio here wherever that can get a Pepsi [TS]

  free can keep your tab [TS]

  haha i hardly know you get that but yeah [TS]

  she's got the link i sent you just [TS]

  recently [TS]

  yeah the thing you you know this is just [TS]

  just another little viewport into this I [TS]

  take your point [TS]

  so what if instead of thinking it's just [TS]

  weird does it need animals on planes [TS]

  what if it's inevitable that everybody [TS]

  has an end [TS]

  on a plane but also what if you need a [TS]

  way to get your animal around town when [TS]

  we don't have cars where did you send me [TS]

  this link here in the sky program [TS]

  yeah you basically go to animals sitting [TS]

  on capybaras dot tumblr.com and i'm just [TS]

  i'm not able to navigate this um this [TS]

  website here you know [TS]

  so where would I find sensing the other [TS]

  way oh wait here no no I found it [TS]

  yeah there's the there's a little bit [TS]

  okay and no that's really a thing [TS]

  animals sitting on capybaras I'll get [TS]

  out of Dodge through the whole site is a [TS]

  temple you can't make this stuff up in a [TS]

  dog there's monkeys on capybaras birds [TS]

  eat there's a baby capybara honored [TS]

  captain we're riding on another capybara [TS]

  oh my goodness there's a bird on Captain [TS]

  America this is the capybara look sad or [TS]

  stressed out the cab areas so content [TS]

  it's so happy there is is enormously [TS]

  contented to have a cat on itself huh a [TS]

  a monkey on itself a little seems like [TS]

  an eagle front so they just they want [TS]

  things on them [TS]

  yeah yeah i totally agree they love a [TS]

  monkey on their back is not funny not [TS]

  funny we're trying to get monkeys off [TS]

  our back all the time turns out turns [TS]

  out we're just the wrong we didn't have [TS]

  the wrong animal so as part of a design [TS]

  problem part of it is a conceptual [TS]

  problem we think too much about how [TS]

  stuff should be like really as we [TS]

  pointed out on numerous occasions a [TS]

  plane is basically a city bus in the sky [TS]

  it's very much based on the model of a [TS]

  bus [TS]

  don't you think are these candy bears [TS]

  having capybara sex is that what's going [TS]

  on in this line [TS]

  the one where they will that seems like [TS]

  they're having sex [TS]

  oh it's like animals on on capybaras but [TS]

  then it's like this is a capybara on top [TS]

  of it I don't get a little daily they [TS]

  kind of slipped in a little bit of like [TS]

  slick and yet it's a little bit of like [TS]

  a whip [TS]

  oh um yeah like how you look at that in [TS]

  the same way that you that we go into [TS]

  the Amazon and we pick little rare herbs [TS]

  and we grind them up and we see if it if [TS]

  it's aspirin right we take the stick [TS]

  will take some bark and we and we say [TS]

  let you know somebody some brave [TS]

  scientists somewhere like what happens [TS]

  if you snort it [TS]

  well what happens if you put it on your [TS]

  tongue what happens if you are I guess [TS]

  they're probably not that brave they're [TS]

  probably doing it to mice they're [TS]

  probably like the mingols of the world [TS]

  but they are [TS]

  mingle of mice the mice Mengele they are [TS]

  legend [TS]

  but-but-but so what we're discovering [TS]

  and looking at animals on capybaras [TS]

  tumblr.com is that God let's just let's [TS]

  just say god that's shorthand for [TS]

  whatever it is that's just short-handed [TS]

  to God ok [TS]

  God already made capybaras to have [TS]

  things right on them [TS]

  mhm we just didn't know it we just want [TS]

  to look was until tender came along it [TS]

  takes me a spring itself american ass [TS]

  when you put your but you realize this [TS]

  is something that's been right in front [TS]

  of the in plain sight all along [TS]

  it's just nobody ever collected it [TS]

  scientifically onto a tumblr site each [TS]

  person that saw a monkey on a capybara [TS]

  thought whoa ratings realize no no [TS]

  that's what chemicals are for the only [TS]

  ever sold a thousand capybaras but [TS]

  everybody started to sue that's right [TS]

  every single one of them everything one [TS]

  of them was a monkey right [TS]

  zerenex said that yeah uh-huh so so now [TS]

  we have the data now we know this is [TS]

  what they're for [TS]

  now that now we know that the capybara [TS]

  is the comfort animal for any comfort [TS]

  and so if you're if you're helping [TS]

  universal universal donor exactly right [TS]

  like if so in a world where we're all [TS]

  traveling with with um with are [TS]

  familiars what are the familiars do when [TS]

  it's their coffee break right they go [TS]

  chill kappa barrows right so there need [TS]

  to be so one of these lowes parking lots [TS]

  is going to have to be a capybara like [TS]

  not farm we're gonna say it's just [TS]

  capybara landscape you gotta go to ikea [TS]

  least our ikea and they got a big area [TS]

  downstairs where kids can go and go and [TS]

  play amuse themselves and they say [TS]

  please don't leave your kid here but in [TS]

  this case it's almost like a Christmas [TS]

  tree lot of pumpkin patch that could be [TS]

  full of capybaras are totally happy to [TS]

  be there and have them sit on them [TS]

  yeah and then the other animals that are [TS]

  like hums all tuckered out from chillin [TS]

  with my my human host yeah they just [TS]

  want to sit on a capybara for a while [TS]

  and these are like economic [TS]

  opportunities for people that have that [TS]

  have foresight and vision and and and [TS]

  we're only just because of course the [TS]

  humans are going to need the support [TS]

  animals because they're only wearing VR [TS]

  headsets [TS]

  oh you know what that had not even [TS]

  occurred to me that not even so you're [TS]

  kind of like the elon musk of comfort [TS]

  animals you're taking your taking the [TS]

  success you've had in this area over [TS]

  here and applying into this area you can [TS]

  see over here that the others can't see [TS]

  right you're taking a farmer you're on [TS]

  the cusp of far-reaching vision of [TS]

  taking all the things that people don't [TS]

  understand and turn it into something [TS]

  that maybe you understand because [TS]

  initially who rode in like a chariot was [TS]

  pretty expensive thing to build a [TS]

  carriage was pretty expensive thing to [TS]

  build the roads were not very good and [TS]

  it was not super like if you built a [TS]

  carriage in a in Jerusalem in for ad [TS]

  that wouldn't be a very useful vehicle [TS]

  there wouldn't be a lot of places you [TS]

  could ride in it [TS]

  mhm and so we needed to overtime like [TS]

  the Romans built these roads and even [TS]

  those would be fairly uncomfortable in a [TS]

  carriage fairly bumpy because we hadn't [TS]

  invented carriage suspension systems yet [TS]

  and then over time you know over time we [TS]

  democratized the carriage [TS]

  initially it was for rich people only [TS]

  and then it was for you know it was for [TS]

  moving soldiers and grain and eventually [TS]

  it was a thing that you could that have [TS]

  been a not even I mean even even until [TS]

  the invention of the automobile you know [TS]

  a carriage was still like a big part of [TS]

  the family's wealth but also PS appoint [TS]

  another interesting related thing which [TS]

  is that each of the pieces of what [TS]

  you're describing improved got better [TS]

  got less costly got you know better [TS]

  quality not all the same time not all [TS]

  the same pace not all at the same [TS]

  location but roads got better the parts [TS]

  for the wagon wheels probably got less [TS]

  expensive there is a rising tide raises [TS]

  all this carriages yes and now we're in [TS]

  a were in a situation where every single [TS]

  person has not every single person but [TS]

  it is very very democratized that we [TS]

  have these like comfort carriages that [TS]

  can go 80 miles an hour on the freeway [TS]

  that have air conditioning and stereo [TS]

  systems and you can have sex in the [TS]

  backseat if you have to you can live in [TS]

  even um and so what we're when we're [TS]

  looking at comfort animals right now or [TS]

  we are seeing only the beginning it is [TS]

  not it is right now the the the people [TS]

  who are forging the documentation for [TS]

  their comfort animals are actually the [TS]

  ones that have that have the long view [TS]

  i-i've been thinking about this i [TS]

  actually heard something on the radio [TS]

  this morning this is going to the [TS]

  Supreme Court there was a girl with I [TS]

  don't forget cerebral palsy cystic [TS]

  fibrosis but she had some kind of the [TS]

  thing where she needed some helping a [TS]

  family cobbled together this money and [TS]

  they got her a dog whose name was Wonder [TS]

  and then went to all that trouble and [TS]

  the school said you can't have a dog [TS]

  here mr. wonderful mr. first 200 full [TS]

  they brought Kevin from shark tank and [TS]

  he was able to help her in class but no [TS]

  I mean seriously like right now we're [TS]

  looking like we jokingly say hey to [TS]

  invest for that animal show me the [TS]

  license do you really need that [TS]

  like what if what if we're the [TS]

  retrograde ones here what if what if you [TS]

  know what I mean yeah no that's [TS]

  absolutely right i think i've seen show [TS]

  me your papers and and what will what [TS]

  will end up happening is that we're not [TS]

  just going to breed for animal dwarfism [TS]

  but we're going to increasingly like we [TS]

  humans have intervened in the breeding [TS]

  of dogs for a long time [TS]

  yeah and uh and you know you breed dogs [TS]

  for this breed dogs for that you breathe [TS]

  some some dogs are real smart but smart [TS]

  in in specific terms like this dog is [TS]

  smart about herding sheep the start is [TS]

  smart about chasing rats down holes [TS]

  since mom since I smell smart right [TS]

  yes it's a kind of smart it's like it's [TS]

  like emotional intelligence [TS]

  well they can begin with some unique for [TS]

  a long time now they've been sticking [TS]

  small bombs they get small for weed now [TS]

  they get dogs that can smell cancer and [TS]

  diabetes did this [TS]

  it's mellow tional em did you know about [TS]

  that the diabetes a lil no no I did I [TS]

  mean I and I keep thinking that I should [TS]

  have one of those dogs because when I [TS]

  feel hyper country acta chol um i would [TS]

  like a dog just to sniff me and give me [TS]

  the thumbs-up [TS]

  you know I meanwhile little pot thumbs [TS]

  up yeah because you went because when [TS]

  you go to the doctor with your [TS]

  hypochondria [TS]

  yeah you say doctor i feel like i have a [TS]

  I feel like when I talk about don't talk [TS]

  about my back cancer [TS]

  oh no I'm so sorry no Johnny I didn't [TS]

  know about that was it smelled by a dog [TS]

  well no so so I kept smelling your smile [TS]

  your back and making a face like that so [TS]

  I I was I was you know I was emotional [TS]

  around [TS]

  yeah she doesn't do and I reach my head [TS]

  that there's something on my back and I [TS]

  and I reach back and there were like two [TS]

  enormous sores on my back oh no and I [TS]

  looked in the mirror and I was like what [TS]

  haha and they were your little bit moldy [TS]

  bumpy right to begin with I got some [TS]

  moles no no I don't mean in normative [TS]

  way but I mean you've got you've got [TS]

  skin the dangs oh yeah yeah [TS]

  all contents you know I'm a I my skin is [TS]

  sensitive and alert sometimes allergic [TS]

  to itself it's allergic to itself it [TS]

  gets a little bit slow in flames [TS]

  sometimes if I use the wrong soap or if [TS]

  the wrong soap is even suggested to me [TS]

  LOL that was now that is sensitive [TS]

  you could also also if i don't use soap [TS]

  right I'm allergic to my own oils so it [TS]

  will get really sensitive if i don't use [TS]

  so often enough or if I use the wrong so [TS]

  sensitive if UD sensitive if you don't [TS]

  that's right if a truck carrying soap [TS]

  goes by and someone alerts me to the [TS]

  fact that truck might contain soap i [TS]

  went up to get a rash [TS]

  Oh John that's terrible that's bad but [TS]

  this was two giant swords in the middle [TS]

  of my back and I was like ooh I don't [TS]

  know whether they not turning you often [TS]

  enough [TS]

  well this is what that that's exactly [TS]

  what it looked like it looked like I had [TS]

  a I had MRSA and they were the size they [TS]

  were each one the size of a quarter and [TS]

  they were they were you know it's hard [TS]

  to say when you have two points whether [TS]

  or not they're parallel or not because [TS]

  any or whether or not they're like us [TS]

  connected by straight line because any [TS]

  two points are connected by a straight [TS]

  line to the right so yeah so who because [TS]

  you look at Euclidean yet Euclidean [TS]

  parallelism yeah writings [TS]

  actually if you look at him and you're [TS]

  like that sure looks like it's like some [TS]

  kind of did you perhaps a shingles [TS]

  no no but I've had herpes related things [TS]

  yeah well I don't feel lucky that i had [TS]

  chicken pox I've had I've had a good get [TS]

  stress bumps but not known people with [TS]

  shingles and apparently it's quite [TS]

  unpleasant so I've had shingles out boy [TS]

  and was very confusing about shingles is [TS]

  that they happen on one half of your [TS]

  body [TS]

  no yeah I said the kind of neurology [TS]

  John yes i think i think it is [TS]

  neurological oh um I i was at a party of [TS]

  the day and woman I was talking to said [TS]

  that she worked at zymogens ethics and I [TS]

  said over you a biologist and she said [TS]

  biochemist i'm sure and i was like damn [TS]

  I feel like such an idiot [TS]

  yeah course biochemist can I was said [TS]

  you know and I was like biologists like [TS]

  Jen I was just trying to throw a general [TS]

  blanket over it like molecular biology [TS]

  could be a lot of things she's like [TS]

  biochemist dammit dammit so close to [TS]

  folklorist I'm a focal ologist um but uh [TS]

  but so I'm looking at these sores on my [TS]

  back and I'm like you know this is no [TS]

  good so I so that I'm sorry I don't mean [TS]

  to take you off your so yeah I'm [TS]

  imagining quarters are having in front [TS]

  of me here [TS]

  oh yeah you hang on yeah okay I got you [TS]

  I got two quarters how far apart to put [TS]

  the quarters and then same thing there [TS]

  are five inches apart so almost like the [TS]

  proportion of Dracula bite [TS]

  yeah yeah except right so go sighs [TS]

  Dracula by a quarter sized rattler [TS]

  that's exactly okay [TS]

  whooping so I'm looking but but you know [TS]

  the way that the way that uh that that [TS]

  shingles are bicameral or whatever in [TS]

  the sense that you you know it got two [TS]

  parties lime there's a line down the [TS]

  middle of your of your of your body [TS]

  right and on one side you have the [TS]

  Democrats yeah just say no shingles and [TS]

  on the other side you have another party [TS]

  political isn't the loyal opposition [TS]

  when that side of your body is [TS]

  completely covered with like big [TS]

  the source is very weird it's very weird [TS]

  and it's true you know front back like [TS]

  you turn around halfway back as shingles [TS]

  me so I'm looking at these things I'm [TS]

  like is this is the fact that there's [TS]

  two of these but they seem like they're [TS]

  the same size and separated by about 45 [TS]

  inches is this I kind of either you know [TS]

  could you how could you have a bicameral [TS]

  shingle or is it something we got two [TS]

  different cases of shingles and they [TS]

  just aren't that familiar with each [TS]

  other or is it a staph infection is it [TS]

  in merced you talked about the silencer [TS]

  yeah and so I'm so everybody that I saw [TS]

  a for the next several days I was like [TS]

  would you look at this [TS]

  yeah and they would look at ago and it [TS]

  was crazy is that [TS]

  five six days into this thing it wasn't [TS]

  clear to me or anyone whether the [TS]

  condition was getting better or worse [TS]

  the source didn't really change size [TS]

  they just changed composition and was [TS]

  like sometimes they seem like moon and [TS]

  sometimes it seemed like that but it [TS]

  didn't it wasn't it just was not cool at [TS]

  all and i was thinking i need to go to [TS]

  the doctor I am [TS]

  this is a very weird thing it just came [TS]

  out of nowhere [TS]

  hmm and now I have this and the longer i [TS]

  wait you know this is gonna be one of [TS]

  those things where they say oh if you [TS]

  could come in a week earlier maybe we [TS]

  could have saved you [TS]

  right um who knows how long they've been [TS]

  there and so I was about to make a [TS]

  doctors appointment it was it was at the [TS]

  point where that my usual project of [TS]

  like just wait till it goes away had [TS]

  produced results which was which were [TS]

  that it wasn't going to go away and [TS]

  results [TS]

  yeah that is a result and now i need to [TS]

  go to the doctors fast because having [TS]

  determined that it's not gonna go away [TS]

  it means it's here to stay and I need [TS]

  immediate treatment [TS]

  and then and I'm sitting there I'm [TS]

  thinking like what possible like search [TS]

  your brain for an explanation for this [TS]

  because you know they hurt but but it [TS]

  didn't seem like it didn't seem like if [TS]

  the cancer is already like creating this [TS]

  kind of like our posting sarcoma no God [TS]

  like what like I should be sicker than I [TS]

  am or something you know and then I [TS]

  remembered that I had gone to the [TS]

  russian baths and I was thinking when I [TS]

  went to the Russian bath is this some [TS]

  kind of like spa motion could be [TS]

  infectious write some kind of thing I [TS]

  got from the from being in the in the [TS]

  cold saltwater tank with with a bunch of [TS]

  Ukrainians like is this something and [TS]

  then i'm thinking i was at the ship and [TS]

  it's gonna be there's something to this [TS]

  and then I remembered when i go into a [TS]

  sauna [TS]

  I like to go to the hottest part of the [TS]

  song [TS]

  mhm and I went into this on and I [TS]

  climbed up to the top bench of the sauna [TS]

  next to the brick furnace and I leaned [TS]

  back onto the onto the bench and the [TS]

  bench was very hot but I like a certain [TS]

  amount of scalding pain and so I pressed [TS]

  my back into the hot bench and it like [TS]

  was very hot and sort of sizzled me and [TS]

  I was like ah Pierre you know really [TS]

  like pushing all you deserve this [TS]

  I deserve it like give it to me yeah and [TS]

  the bench was held together with two [TS]

  steel bolts the bolts obviously heated [TS]

  all to the temperature in which they [TS]

  were able to give me burn you get both [TS]

  burns bolt burns that like were serious [TS]

  burns like it's like I was like a [TS]

  second-degree burn [TS]

  I was sitting there just like pressing [TS]

  into this thing home i can be enjoying [TS]

  the feeling of like this is really I [TS]

  mean I this room is a hundred and [TS]

  fifty-five degrees and I am scolding [TS]

  myself on this bench and not realizing [TS]

  that no in fact you're burning yourself [TS]

  on these superheated bolts and that was [TS]

  you know that was a sample size that [TS]

  caused me to realize that I was I was [TS]

  not was not good at self diagnosis and [TS]

  pretty sure that I'd cross the line [TS]

  my whole life I believe that i couldn't [TS]

  die mm it was impossible to kill me [TS]

  so far the evidence stands up right that [TS]

  if God wanted me dead there were so many [TS]

  opportunities [TS]

  yeah and each opportunity sort of proved [TS]

  you know proof the the premise that I [TS]

  wasn't meant to die soon and that if and [TS]

  that when I did die was it was it was [TS]

  ordained it was supposed to be it was it [TS]

  was going to be a big deal and so all [TS]

  these little things like owned be [TS]

  careful don't slip on the ice it's like [TS]

  look if God wanted me to die while going [TS]

  to be on the ice you know I'm saying my [TS]

  no ample opportunities well we got a [TS]

  little bit of time here what is it [TS]

  whether times in your journey with the [TS]

  bulb burns we think you might have [TS]

  needed a little help of one current kind [TS]

  or another [TS]

  maybe you're anxious yeah how you felt [TS]

  maybe your shirt was rubbing up against [TS]

  it you couldn't get to a shelf and [TS]

  weather anytime where you could have [TS]

  used the help of some kind of an animal [TS]

  and if so what animal would have been [TS]

  useful to you though [TS]

  absolutely the kind of animal that I [TS]

  mean it was a cancer sniffing dog [TS]

  because if a dog you just sort of your [TS]

  good yeah yeah I was having anxiety [TS]

  right and and the thing is I'm having [TS]

  anxiety all the time now because I [TS]

  crossed some rubicon yeah we're on one [TS]

  side of the Rubicon it was me in and the [TS]

  Romans and we were well or let's say it [TS]

  was me and the and the an army made up [TS]

  of [TS]

  like the barbarians to a certain extent [TS]

  and car Carthaginian I was gonna say [TS]

  they brought the elephants right yeah [TS]

  but we're on and on [TS]

  well no it was it was Caesar cross the [TS]

  rubicon but you don't need you don't [TS]

  need a username anxiety sniffing dog you [TS]

  know you got anxiety [TS]

  well but i didn't use to me or at least [TS]

  I didn't identified as anxiety and was [TS]

  identified as a as a desire to to smoke [TS]

  another cigarette but now I realize that [TS]

  oh I'm waking up in the middle of the [TS]

  night because UFOs are touching my toes [TS]

  and I am pretty sure every time I go to [TS]

  the doctor and I say well what what what [TS]

  does that mean [TS]

  and the doctor said don't worry about it [TS]

  and I say that's not what doctors [TS]

  supposed to say and the doctor leans in [TS]

  and says Scott so I have a new doctor [TS]

  right and i have this i have this [TS]

  relationship and that I've always wanted [TS]

  my dad had a relationship with his [TS]

  doctor I've never had a relationship [TS]

  with the doctor [TS]

  yeah me either so now i have a doctor [TS]

  and I'm and we're developing a [TS]

  relationship and my doctor is [TS]

  six-foot-five he's 60 years old in very [TS]

  not not like he's not carved out of oak [TS]

  but he's in good shape for 65 year old [TS]

  he has a frigate he's a frigerator know [TS]

  he like sits with his fingers and like [TS]

  pulls on his fingers which i like that i [TS]

  like a little humanity a doctor [TS]

  yeah he's a he kind of is like a like it [TS]

  he probably bike commute you know he's [TS]

  kind of hippie this is what's his [TS]

  background you think sort of a doctor [TS]

  went to med school [TS]

  okay okay I'm gonna get about your knees [TS]

  and comfort dr. yeah and and so I so [TS]

  I've been saying to him like well yeah [TS]

  what's the worst-case scenario and he [TS]

  says he says there's no point in [TS]

  thinking about worst-case in there and i [TS]

  said already get and you're dreaming [TS]

  this [TS]

  can I say wrong the the point of a [TS]

  worst-case scenario is to think about it [TS]

  absolutely tu tu brute you brute on it [TS]

  and he said wrong don't think about the [TS]

  worst-case scenario the reality is that [TS]

  that there's a anything can happen and [TS]

  so why not just think about why not just [TS]

  not think about it and I said well that [TS]

  seems dumb and he said no the opposite [TS]

  seems not dumb things that I like this [TS]

  stuff seems dumb to think about [TS]

  worst-case scenarios when there's no and [TS]

  so I'm like well what about this and he [TS]

  said well uh we could test for those [TS]

  things but typically we don't and i was [TS]

  i was like uh well but this is a typical [TS]

  situation because it's me you're dealing [TS]

  with onstar Roderick yes so let's let's [TS]

  get the let's roll out these tests and [TS]

  he was like yeah you know we test in [TS]

  there maybe we find something we don't [TS]

  if it you know typically you don't have [TS]

  any of the additional symptoms of [TS]

  anything that would that would move us [TS]

  in the direction of thinking that you [TS]

  had anything other than that you're [TS]

  perfectly healthy and fuck em and I'm [TS]

  like well this says you mr. yeah right [TS]

  what about all you say yeah what about [TS]

  all the potential architects I haven't [TS]

  had yet and he's like yeah well you [TS]

  don't seem like somebody i mean anybody [TS]

  could have won at any time people have [TS]

  them all the time but it generally we [TS]

  think that if you're going to have one [TS]

  it would you'd show these symptoms and [TS]

  you don't have and so what I need is one [TS]

  of these dogs and every morning I wake [TS]

  up and I would let the dog sniff startup [TS]

  started my finger sniffer up my arm [TS]

  sniff across my back and down the other [TS]

  arm sniff down and if the dog is just if [TS]

  the dog is not signaling that the dog is [TS]

  chill then I would chill like oh i get [TS]

  it i don't know there's no no [TS]

  abnormalities the dog has done its job [TS]

  it can go write a capybara for the rest [TS]

  of the day I take your point now this is [TS]

  a product that was on shark tank last [TS]

  night and it said they got a kickstarter [TS]

  for this thing and it looks like a tiny [TS]

  little like a spy camera and the idea is [TS]

  you look to this thing as electronic [TS]

  device and we're putting sunscreen on [TS]

  someone you can see how much sunscreen [TS]

  the person actually has on because it's [TS]

  even like the ultraviolet science and so [TS]

  obviously they look like they're wearing [TS]

  blackface you're good to go [TS]

  oh ok so I I think again I think mr. [TS]

  wonderful one for this one I think you [TS]

  need something similar here right [TS]

  you want some way of saying you want [TS]

  your george costanza you want to get out [TS]

  of here you you want you want the dog [TS]

  could basically give you some assurance [TS]

  that least for today [TS]

  no cancer or anything is it doesn't have [TS]

  to be a dog it could be a tiny deer [TS]

  oh you can have that you can have a [TS]

  cancer something to do what if i had a [TS]

  cancer sniffing pudhu who because there [TS]

  are no parking lots anymore right there [TS]

  is just food is everywhere right now [TS]

  imagine this imagine a future world [TS]

  where there's a plague of poodles upon [TS]

  the land that's not because right [TS]

  because a lot of people bought comfort [TS]

  food news although they have a like new [TS]

  tree as you think [TS]

  yeah they turn them loose in the yard [TS]

  and then pretty soon they're mating and [TS]

  then pretty soon pues everywhere like [TS]

  crews are out competing squirrels so [TS]

  that they're like almost like a pigeon [TS]

  where you're like a little reply ya [TS]

  booty is everywhere i got these putos [TS]

  get outta here [TS]

  shoo-shoo you're out with shufu do your [TS]

  shooting booze with a broom and yet what [TS]

  we didn't realize [TS]

  amazon rainforest aspirin powder hoodoos [TS]

  can smell cancer [TS]

  duh and there and they're super cuddly [TS]

  so you're you walk out in the yard in [TS]

  the morning stretch all you grab the [TS]

  nearest budu guna your arms right it's [TS]

  also drinking fountain [TS]

  yeah just around yeah they're around [TS]

  right you just you you don't need you [TS]

  don't need your own pretty you always [TS]

  hear what you're walking around you're [TS]

  grabbing food do you have it smell you [TS]

  say cancer no cancer right or just [TS]

  whatever like it won't like what if it [TS]

  could tell you what is a pudhu there was [TS]

  one around the park you just pick it up [TS]

  like you would like a lady's purse [TS]

  what if it can like smell with your [TS]

  foolish it today but would it be nice to [TS]

  go like you no wonder if I'm full of [TS]

  shit today I kind of feel like i might [TS]

  be sort of foolish it you don't mean [TS]

  like am I fooling myself about the world [TS]

  today am i doing something really do not [TS]

  know in the mood just not long ago [TS]

  isn't that how you use a scale look even [TS]

  the Wi-Fi scale you wake up in the [TS]

  mornings down the wife is going on [TS]

  you're full of shit what it was before [TS]

  and after and there can be a [TS]

  differential up to six tens of tens of [TS]

  impound [TS]

  well that's what I'm [TS]

  I think that when you actually using [TS]

  literal shit [TS]

  well no you poop hmm and then you gain [TS]

  weight [TS]

  sometimes yeah that's the way that you [TS]

  gained is full of shit man i haven't [TS]

  tested as much i'm pooping and peeing [TS]

  but yeah I think that people do not want [TS]

  to know whether they're full of shit and [TS]

  that picture that if that were if [TS]

  prudence could smell that then they [TS]

  would be eradicated [TS]

  oh so that's good to keep in your pocket [TS]

  in case you ever do get a true life but [TS]

  you're saying this is more of a you are [TS]

  mortal your mortal type situation [TS]

  yeah well i mean i could do it who has [TS]

  an existential gesture [TS]

  what we don't know is how produce like [TS]

  how they signal yet we don't know that [TS]

  yet [TS]

  right like a like a retriever like a [TS]

  point right except it's little tail and [TS]

  it raised its little hand sure it points [TS]

  at the duck yes that does your duck [TS]

  there's your duck there it is so how [TS]

  does a pudhu signal either that there's [TS]

  an abnormality in at the cellular level [TS]

  like a poodle could signal and say you [TS]

  need a molecular biologist another [TS]

  poodle could signal and say no what you [TS]

  need is a biochemist [TS]

  oh that's different signals right [TS]

  because it's little sense of smell is so [TS]

  acute that even understands terminology [TS]

  that you get wrong right [TS]

  jamie is no it knows what you need [TS]

  before you know you need exactly it's [TS]

  kinda it's kinda like for like Butler [TS]

  talking about the butler scientists [TS]

  that's you know what that's the branding [TS]

  that's that we're gonna brand arpu farm [TS]

  poorly a butler i feel i feel very [TS]

  strongly that the way that produce [TS]

  signal full of shit pneus see is going [TS]

  to be it's gonna visit the sink or swim [TS]

  for them [TS]

  I like this is the inflection point now [TS]

  do we want to breed them as did Jen [TS]

  turkey says do we want to evolve them in [TS]

  a certain way and Lamarckian sense do we [TS]

  want to push the poo dues this direction [TS]

  as regards signaling or do we want them [TS]

  to just show us here's the way title [TS]

  journalist working if they if they [TS]

  signal in a way that we can answer [TS]

  amorphous eyes like it into knows that [TS]

  you're full of shit and it rolls its [TS]

  eyes and holds up a yellow card and then [TS]

  this is that this is actually [TS]

  endangering the pudu that is so [TS]

  interesting you know but if it was [TS]

  coming from inside the puto [TS]

  precisely if the pudu signals in a way [TS]

  that is more obtuse [TS]

  what if it cuddles you a little bit if [TS]

  you're full of shit and its reaction is [TS]

  to cuddle you [TS]

  yeah oh my God we're building [TS]

  [Music] [TS]