0:00:00this episode of Roderick on the line is
0:00:02sponsored by America votes with cards
0:00:04against humanity cards against humanity
0:00:06asks Americans to vote this November
0:00:09[Music]
0:00:15hello hi John I'm I Merlin how's it
0:00:19going
0:00:19oh it's going so good oh good morning
0:00:24mmm good morning mhm
0:00:28oh boy I know what I want whoo-hoo yeah
0:00:34yeah yeahs catcher what the human
0:00:39condition i was on a plane all night
0:00:44now that's not good you know what that
0:00:45no I arrived in seattle at 515 am I am
0:00:54you are you on a plane five hours ago
0:00:57the others
0:00:58yeah dancer huh and then I woke up with
0:01:03a sore throat are you know if I was our
0:01:07broadcast partner pal
0:01:10dan Benjamin who i'd already be at the
0:01:13doctor's office he beat the doctor twice
0:01:15by now I would have canceled this
0:01:17episode of the show in your ropes
0:01:19training because I would have needed
0:01:21some medical attention on but I am NOT
0:01:25and Benjamin I'm me and I'm here in the
0:01:28chair
0:01:29oh man he's selling his like you're
0:01:30about to blow I'm back
0:01:33no I here's the thing i realized that
0:01:35your you've been flying in your your
0:01:36little bit sick we just see no you also
0:01:38sound like you could just blow up right
0:01:40now like you could really this could be
0:01:42it this could be if you ever need to
0:01:44emulate the feeling of this is the last
0:01:46straw that that's the voice listen I i
0:01:51do not want to miss my chance to blow a
0:01:54guarantee you know because more attempts
0:01:57on my father's like opportunity comes
0:01:59once in a lifetime
0:02:01well I'll try to join you in this tone
0:02:04alright alright why like why were you
0:02:07traveling and going to do this entire
0:02:10program with clenched teeth was it for
0:02:15business or pleasure it was there is no
0:02:17pleasure in flying well hold on i i i
0:02:24went up to the nice lady and I said
0:02:25listen
0:02:27my google arenas now use its you selling
0:02:31it Jeanne old black you know inside me
0:02:36uh-huh there are a lot of cells
0:02:39oh you're like what women but I you know
0:02:42I was booked on a flight that left two
0:02:45a.m. and got in at 6 55 or something
0:02:49like that and i went up to the counter
0:02:51is the thing about Alaska Airlines you
0:02:55can change your flight right there at
0:02:56the kiosk so it's change it to an
0:03:00earlier flight but then i was on a
0:03:01middle seat in the middle plane was
0:03:05gonna be awful was going to be worse
0:03:07than bad know how far from anywhere even
0:03:11if I could ask my flight from LA I use
0:03:13are you saying that that it was a
0:03:15one-hour flight that would be somehow
0:03:17more tolerable I guess it would I guess
0:03:20I 19-hour flight i need to have more
0:03:23facts in order to propose some kind of
0:03:25preposterous theory about you could
0:03:26probably suck it up for two hearts but
0:03:29it was a dignity dignity comes into it
0:03:33was a three-hour flight but I went up to
0:03:35the lady you know you gotta know the
0:03:36deal even and 45 minutes before the
0:03:40flight takes off they close the flight
0:03:42oh yeah thatthat's I don't understand
0:03:45that it was actually considering that
0:03:47they quote unquote open the flight
0:03:48usually about five minutes before that
0:03:50well no there's nobody there there's no
0:03:53might be signage about what's going to
0:03:54happen there at some point later in the
0:03:56day
0:03:56eventually one Harry person shows up a
0:03:59lot of white men run to the counter and
0:04:00then they close the flight
0:04:02that's right the flight is closed and
0:04:03i'm one of those white men and I say
0:04:05listen I know you're about to close the
0:04:07flight and I really can't be in this
0:04:08seat for a variety of reasons I'm very
0:04:11special person that I have right here i
0:04:14have my service horse will have trained
0:04:20to tap his hooves in order to
0:04:23communicate how desperately i need this
0:04:25chair lol people interact with Winston
0:04:27and she told ya my service turkey and
0:04:31she took me she just like very very
0:04:34cash on the download just put me right
0:04:36in an exit row around the island exit
0:04:40row that didn't have a person in the
0:04:41middle seat it was just it was full
0:04:43flight the the woman prior and told me
0:04:47there were no seats available
0:04:49they closed that flight and that's when
0:04:52those exits eats cum online Merle uh-huh
0:04:55anyway I was flying from Anchorage
0:04:58Alaska my hometown because i went back
0:05:02to attend my 30th highschool reunion and
0:05:08I don't know if you remember the film
0:05:09peggy sue got married
0:05:11no yeah probably i think that was one of
0:05:16the early Nicolas Cage hells yeah it was
0:05:18an eighties film where Kathleen Turner
0:05:21went back in time to her
0:05:2430 30 years to when she was in high
0:05:27school
0:05:28yeah that's running about and that came
0:05:30out when we are in high school and
0:05:32Kathleen Turner was envied ibly thought
0:05:37to be an actress who could play who
0:05:39could go back and play herself in high
0:05:40school she was the Michael J Fox of the
0:05:44story but now its new standards this
0:05:47let's be honest the standards have
0:05:48changed
0:05:49it's true it's like you know sometimes
0:05:51they measure the the economy how much
0:05:54Big Mac costs I think today you can
0:05:56judge the health of what it means to be
0:05:59an actress in hollywood by how old you
0:06:01have to be to play Peter Parker's aren't
0:06:03which was originally I think mrs.
0:06:06Cunningham and more recently was marisa
0:06:08tomei marisa tomei is such a good actor
0:06:15has good i really admire her
0:06:18I feel like yeah it sounds like it's
0:06:20right after topic so so whatever's
0:06:22travels in time with nicolas cage and we
0:06:24were high scarlett johansson plays the
0:06:28beyond unnoticed the sexually
0:06:32unappealing matron in a film because
0:06:35she's older she's gotta be pushing 30
0:06:37now it's 35 or whatever oh my gosh I
0:06:40told that will be the day that I check
0:06:42out
0:06:42no I don't remember feeling
0:06:44uncomfortable about finding her
0:06:45attractive in that in that steve buscemi
0:06:47movie
0:06:47with the other girl because she's a
0:06:49teenager solution teenager right she was
0:06:51playing a teenager and yeah I made you
0:06:52feel uncomfortable my thinking
0:06:55uncomfortable i love movies
0:06:57how do you feel about songs from the
0:06:59fifties sixties and seventies that
0:07:01reference uh like younger women
0:07:06this is that side this i will hear
0:07:10anecdote but that that's a big topic is
0:07:12actually keys and something that I think
0:07:14about a lot which is the coded language
0:07:16of men over time and I was sitting
0:07:20around the other day as irritating and
0:07:22it occurred to me that you know because
0:07:24there's always been code is always been
0:07:26coding when you say stuff like you know
0:07:28we exist of like you know oh there's
0:07:31gonna be girls there and for a long time
0:07:33when I was younger I would think the
0:07:341000 i can get a date or like or have a
0:07:37chance to try out my social skills that
0:07:39was gonna be girls there and then as I
0:07:40got a little older I started seeing oh
0:07:42yeah that's probably the girls i can
0:07:43kiss on women as I got a little earlier
0:07:46when they're being seen with the guys
0:07:47let's go to this party is gonna be girls
0:07:48i'm pretty sure that was code for we're
0:07:51gonna have intercourse
0:07:52oh wow and now I find myself as a
0:07:55moulder and urinating I think to myself
0:07:56I wonder how many times that means i can
0:07:58force a girl to to do something with me
0:08:00you know for certain kinds of codes in
0:08:02earlier times what I'm saying
0:08:05and as for like a chase around teenage
0:08:07girls like you know Chuck Berry ran into
0:08:09a little trouble with that I thought he
0:08:11ran into trouble to see was hiding in to
0:08:14us in toilets yeah yeah that's the thing
0:08:16that has I think that Chuck Berry can
0:08:18find out you know around the time you
0:08:21know the music died like all those guys
0:08:23died in a crash and then you know Chuck
0:08:25Berry violated the Mann Act and you're
0:08:26like and then you know that in that case
0:08:28you know was named kathleen quinlan was
0:08:30a girl Kathleen Turner you know the
0:08:32fighting going back in time is 0
0:08:34all he did was try to transport his
0:08:36cousin over the state line for Nikki but
0:08:38like who knows he might have had some
0:08:40prototypical Russian spy camera in the
0:08:43bus station bathroom because that's
0:08:44really his thing so i decided i think is
0:08:46a dookie man i decided to to yet to to
0:08:50figure out what the real story of the of
0:08:53the
0:08:55whoever the character was that actually
0:08:57was hiding inside a port-a-potty because
0:09:01they wanted they wanted to watch people
0:09:04go to the potty
0:09:05yeah and I ced at the the to put a low
0:09:09point on it I think he had some partial
0:09:12ownership in like an establishment like
0:09:15a restaurant right and so at some point
0:09:18he caused cameras to be installed where
0:09:20he could watch ladies go to the bathroom
0:09:21but there was someone who actually was
0:09:23in the toilet
0:09:25that's right you get thought-form for
0:09:26that promise so I i just tried to Google
0:09:29hiding in toilet and that's gonna go on
0:09:33my permanent record right google has put
0:09:35that jumped in cabinets to get put in
0:09:38google is Sergey Brin let their nests
0:09:41that you're getting you're gonna get ads
0:09:43based on was hiding and hiding hiding
0:09:44hiding in toilet and so whatever
0:09:47whenever I put something in the Google I
0:09:49imagine sergey brin sitting at a big
0:09:50desk which is in to speak with google
0:09:53glass on an entire heads-up display an
0:09:56array of things spin out of that he
0:09:59clicks eclipse there's like three
0:10:00pathways you choose for you at this
0:10:02point it's like it's like a job 04 your
0:10:03sexuality
0:10:04no but this is my this is my imagination
0:10:07right Sunday's he's he's got the
0:10:09heads-up displays that because this is a
0:10:11cinematic imagination are visible to us
0:10:13the viewer right out there in in virtual
0:10:17space in front of him
0:10:18the desk is completely clean of any of
0:10:20no comments no pen holder no pictures
0:10:24family little 10 clean broad desk he's
0:10:28sitting there in a black turtleneck with
0:10:30the with the in homage sure and that
0:10:34he's wearing Google glass and then a
0:10:36secretary walks in and puts a piece of
0:10:38paper on his desk already scan it with
0:10:43Snowden google glass existed should put
0:10:45it facedown his desk piece of paper and
0:10:47he picks it up and it says hiding in
0:10:50toilet
0:10:52because you can be a new wrinkle in the
0:10:55sexuality of General Eric he's
0:10:57monitoring me in a different way and he
0:11:00doesn't want he doesn't want the record
0:11:03on his google glass
0:11:05oh and he's how that anything any
0:11:08information he finds about me it's on
0:11:09paper and then he burns it has been
0:11:12doing this for a while John that in my
0:11:13imagination he has like it'sit's had the
0:11:15ability you you've been on his glass
0:11:18screen but here's the truth here's the
0:11:19wrinkle yeah i went to write hiding in
0:11:22toilet and I swear to you accidentally
0:11:27finger from ball i wrote hiding internal
0:11:32it with Archie Bunker fetish
0:11:35that's right which is a little bit of
0:11:38coded language it's actually much more
0:11:42appropriate whoever it was that did
0:11:44hiding the toilet probably pronounced in
0:11:46toilet yeah but now Sergei was not a
0:11:48native English speaker know gets that on
0:11:50a piece of paper possibly hiding
0:11:52internal it and he's that's hard to
0:11:56parse peak and the thing is you could
0:11:58google it probably but he wants no
0:12:01record so he's looking at hiding it
0:12:04turlet oh and he's making no sense out
0:12:07of this i guess you could you could just
0:12:11google turlet it suddenly someone
0:12:14somewhere down in mountain view here
0:12:15boob grace appear micrometer as we
0:12:21continue to believe that because he's
0:12:23checking everything grace our require
0:12:31moment so now there is an article here
0:12:33afternoon after googling hiding in
0:12:35turlet there's an article here on the
0:12:39Huffington Post which is which is never
0:12:40wrong
0:12:41the port-a-potty paper
0:12:46huh-uh from boulder colorado
0:12:50port-a-potty paper or paper prompts this
0:12:54is that they do some alliteration party
0:12:57part of paper prompts for body probe
0:13:02police in no problem huh
0:13:04but then i click on the article and what
0:13:09came up was an inspiring way New Orleans
0:13:11youth persevered 11 years post-katrina
0:13:13yeah I think surgery is gonna take some
0:13:17personal time another piece of paper is
0:13:19gently slid onto his desk where met
0:13:22download but the page here toilet terror
0:13:26as Python bites man's penis while he
0:13:28sits on the loop that's something to
0:13:30post know this is somewhere else this is
0:13:33well here they say Lou so you know it's
0:13:35got to be some kind of you know that
0:13:37comes from British ship potty talk you
0:13:40know that comes from Lou supposedly
0:13:42turns out it comes from the toilet in a
0:13:46public building in England was often
0:13:48room 100 really turns out i don't know
0:13:53that's true you can notice that person
0:13:55and i think john at this point you
0:13:56should probably just stop searching I
0:13:58think you've you've given plenty of
0:13:59tender to the google man i just clicked
0:14:03that's one of my favorite cat stevens
0:14:04stops different good interpersonal man
0:14:07well I i I'm being bothered by my click
0:14:13on toilet errors Python bites minds
0:14:15man's penis while he sits on the loop
0:14:16before bloody battle ensues that's the
0:14:19the rest of the headline huh
0:14:22so now that piece of paper is getting
0:14:24slit across that desk right this very
0:14:26moment and you know he's easy on other
0:14:28work to do
0:14:29he's up in the google glass moving
0:14:31billions of dollars around he's buying
0:14:34yachts he's doing stuff am imagining it
0:14:37because most of what I know about
0:14:39running a large corporation comes from
0:14:41watching TV shows in the in the
0:14:42seventies I imagine that periodically
0:14:44somebody comes into interrupting he's
0:14:46frustrated they thrust a giant pile of
0:14:48papers and say sign here and here in
0:14:50here in here so he's still he's still
0:14:52splitting his attention he occasionally
0:14:53has to do something
0:14:54he has to decide that something needs to
0:14:56be purchased hehe maybe order a couple
0:14:58Tesla's he signed some merger and
0:15:00acquisition documents but the whole time
0:15:01he's thinking about the turlet pythons
0:15:03the thing is that the number of
0:15:05situations in being in my life presently
0:15:09where people send me an email where they
0:15:11want me to use and some kind of app to
0:15:14sign the email and send it back a secure
0:15:17app and sign it now or signed with a Z
0:15:22signs and I've got some of these
0:15:27programs and I sit and try to navigate
0:15:29them in and sign my document virtually
0:15:31and send it back
0:15:32you're always you're often often kind
0:15:34enough to include me in the threat for
0:15:35this that because i wanted my phone I
0:15:39conduct my business on my telephone and
0:15:42I frankly don't understand why I would
0:15:45need to virtually sign as easy on this
0:15:47forum
0:15:48yeah it this application is not loading
0:15:50properly on my telephone
0:15:52yeah what I would i say is can you not
0:15:54accept an email authorization of this
0:15:57like contract for five dollars it's like
0:16:00it's like yeah exactly that's what kills
0:16:03me
0:16:03it's like you know I'm not bowing
0:16:05alright you want me to like come and do
0:16:07like a little puppet show for 42 minutes
0:16:09yeah and like we're talking about like
0:16:11what what you spend on light bulbs in an
0:16:13afternoon in this one building we're
0:16:15talking about like rounding error levels
0:16:17of money here that i won't see for six
0:16:19months and yet I have to fill out the
0:16:20Boeing for ya like like
0:16:23no I don't have a million dollars in
0:16:24insurance nobody has a million dollars
0:16:26insurance who are you
0:16:28I is now spent more time trying to sign
0:16:31this form than I did during the during
0:16:34the presentation you hired me to give
0:16:35like my my show was not this long time
0:16:39two hours into trying to sign your
0:16:41fucking contract is also it's a
0:16:43professional heal those organizations
0:16:45and God love the people who are in
0:16:47charge of putting those forms on my
0:16:48phone but they have a bunch of people
0:16:50who just sit around all day doing
0:16:52nothing but making those little gears
0:16:54turn just a tiny little bit yeah and
0:16:57like the thing is I'm over here and I
0:16:58got stuff to do it's not important stuff
0:17:00you know who I got no soup you got this
0:17:02guy over here not me
0:17:03and the whole time I'm not an important
0:17:05man John I'm like as i like to say John
0:17:07I'm not busy I'm time constraint i I'm
0:17:10not busy but I built my life for 49
0:17:13years getting to where I can be time
0:17:14constraint without being busy when you
0:17:16make me to sign something with a Z on my
0:17:18phone
0:17:19you're making me busy and you're
0:17:20attaching an eel to my phone that's
0:17:22right we see this all the time
0:17:24yes people who there they are getting
0:17:27work credit for sending emails
0:17:31oh they could get paid to not make that
0:17:32your turn buddy and i am sitting here
0:17:35not getting work credit for receiving
0:17:37their emails so it it costs them nothing
0:17:41to send me five emails a day to make
0:17:43sure that i'm gonna be there at load in
0:17:45time costs them nothing
0:17:47it's there it's their job they're being
0:17:49rewarded for it but every one of those
0:17:50emails I have to use my eyes to look at
0:17:53and although you don't have to sign if
0:17:56you ignore it still takes a minute to
0:17:57decide to the north gate for ignoring
0:18:00things
0:18:00well then I get 14 more emails just
0:18:02checking to make sure that you got my
0:18:04email that circle back
0:18:06actually I got that as a form i don't
0:18:08know if we talk about this but you know
0:18:10I i was getting phone calls to to make
0:18:13sure I'd seen the email that was making
0:18:16sure that I'd seen the text that was
0:18:19telling me what time to be a place where
0:18:22the thing
0:18:23what were the time to be a place had
0:18:25been carefully stated in five or six
0:18:28emails I'd already received a great
0:18:29great part is those people will get to
0:18:31retire with those people have a job
0:18:33where they get paid the same amount of
0:18:35money every month and they get to retire
0:18:36their kids get to go to college and
0:18:38you're sitting there answering emails
0:18:39about did you get my phone call about
0:18:40the email about the phone call about the
0:18:41gig and loaded
0:18:42yeah like San we send me this sign
0:18:44contract so i can send you the money I
0:18:46owe you
0:18:47oh my god for the thing you did already
0:18:50that I asked you you know that I said I
0:18:53would pay you to do but i can't pay
0:18:54I there's an outstanding one right now I
0:18:57am owed money by music company in
0:19:00England you know for for some work I did
0:19:03on an album was at the four tracks john
0:19:05this is right circle brixham
0:19:09and they and it's like it's like when
0:19:11you're become a Microsoft vendor i went
0:19:14online and somebody sent me an email and
0:19:16they were like just click here and sign
0:19:18up as a vendor for mca dot u K or
0:19:23whatever and that then we'll be able to
0:19:27pay and i went online and i filled out
0:19:30the whole fucking form and then I
0:19:32clicked on send and it and had asked an
0:19:38inscrutable question like it went to
0:19:41another page upon which there was a an
0:19:44inscrutable question and I tried to
0:19:47answer it and it did not accept my
0:19:50answer huh and would not accept the form
0:19:53and you know I hurt no one but myself
0:19:56when I say go fuck yourself you have now
0:20:01I've now gone to a third location with
0:20:04the hippie ya never do that and I do not
0:20:06want to be here anymore
0:20:08go fuck yourself that you're the weirdo
0:20:09you're the weirdo yeah that's it that is
0:20:11inscrutable to them that you would not
0:20:13want to take another couple days of your
0:20:15life to just go deal with the with the
0:20:17content management system again what
0:20:18does what it required is that I've been
0:20:20emailed the person back who sent me the
0:20:22email and and I have to just wipe all
0:20:25the work I've done so far because i
0:20:27can't get back to that screen have to
0:20:29email that person said what is the what
0:20:31is this question about what do I have to
0:20:33what the question was who was your
0:20:36reference I name the person that was
0:20:42your reference and i put in the name of
0:20:45the person that sent me because
0:20:46obviously we don't have access to the
0:20:47system that you spent all that time we
0:20:49have to go find it was a Johnny yeah
0:20:51yeah really well know John emailed me i
0:20:54get these emails all the time about
0:20:55who's my new contact
0:20:56I think I think Joey might be three
0:20:58people ago ya ever get those you've got
0:21:00you've gotten those height when
0:21:01introduced my replacement
0:21:02yeah cheers leone speak when you're near
0:21:06the airport in your you type do you have
0:21:08your flight number
0:21:09no here's my name what's your final
0:21:12destination today
0:21:13here's my final destination all right
0:21:15now you have my name and my final
0:21:17destination
0:21:18tell me that there are more than one
0:21:20John Roderick right now that are going
0:21:22to seattle tell can't do it service
0:21:24security and so then it's like oh well
0:21:27which flight are you on
0:21:29and here's a list of five flights pick
0:21:31the one that you're on
0:21:32alright I'm i don't remember which one
0:21:36month this one that one and so sorry
0:21:42you're here now back out at the front
0:21:44back out at the front of the back out of
0:21:46the gate push the button
0:21:48can I get in please i want it all to die
0:21:52Merlin I want everything I want it all
0:21:54to die and i wanted to go back to
0:21:56triplet remember triplicates yeah surely
0:22:01do you remember the goldenrod goldenrod
0:22:05i love this whole you know that the
0:22:06goldenrod was usually my copy to
0:22:08remember to gene did you smell
0:22:11mimeograph paper
0:22:12we've talked about this of course idea i
0:22:14seldom I smelled all the things it i
0:22:17passed onto my daughter she's a hot for
0:22:19now she smells so she'll enjoy a sharpie
0:22:21remember sitting at a gas station when
0:22:23there were no things that kept
0:22:25chlorofluorocarbons from just pouring
0:22:28into the atmosphere on the trip and just
0:22:30huffing that gasps Oh gasps yeah the
0:22:35leaded gas Maryland then we huffed i
0:22:39missed the gas i missed the Midway graph
0:22:43paper so it's 1985 Peggy Sue bodell sets
0:22:48off to her 25-year high school reunion
0:22:50with her daughter Beth oh she's just
0:22:53separated from her high school
0:22:54sweetheart now husband Charlie and his
0:22:56weary of attending the reunion because
0:22:58of everyone questioning her about his
0:22:59absence as they have been married since
0:23:02Peggy became pregnant right after
0:23:03graduation I had this very conversation
0:23:06just last just just last night with one
0:23:10of my highschool classmates
0:23:11yes this is directed by francis ford
0:23:13coppola we aware that I I was not aware
0:23:16of that
0:23:17just someone getting divorced just now
0:23:20after having been married since high
0:23:23school
0:23:24that's heavy the entire time that you
0:23:27and I've been doing this podcast and
0:23:30before that even these two people were
0:23:33married all the way back to when I was
0:23:35in high school and now they're getting
0:23:37into
0:23:38yeah I mean it's kind of become the
0:23:40default assumption you know it's like I
0:23:43I recently reconnected with the power
0:23:44from college she I know somebody
0:23:46following me and responding at home that
0:23:48person has the name of somebody was
0:23:50pretty good friends with in college and
0:23:51so I did that thing that's really
0:23:53awkward right said mom there get your
0:23:56final destination
0:23:57what if huh what's your fucking i said i
0:24:00miss any chance there any chance that
0:24:02this is the doesn't such person that I
0:24:04knew in college which you know it's a
0:24:07fairly unusual name but i thought i'm
0:24:09probably gonna sound like a loon because
0:24:10who knows and she was like of course
0:24:11it's me
0:24:13so when is my god you send him is this
0:24:16wasn't such did I sent that message and
0:24:19then now I when I was exploring what
0:24:21she's been up to and it's like she's
0:24:23still with the guy that I mostly those
0:24:27closer friends with a in college there's
0:24:31they're still together and I was like
0:24:33wow thats I'm not feels like the
0:24:35exception
0:24:36yeah you don't can assume you can't go
0:24:38like you know house Christine or
0:24:41whatever or you know all what about
0:24:44James how is he is like I don't know we
0:24:46haven't talked since 1992 and all right
0:24:49sorry
0:24:50yeah I said that to a guy to I was like
0:24:53yeah you still see in Tasha rasmussen
0:24:56whatever it was like not since 1994
0:24:58looks like oh what's been happening
0:25:01since then
0:25:02well I had three kids one of them's 22
0:25:04years old shit I haven't talked to you
0:25:07in a long time
0:25:08yeah I know it's been about 22 years I I
0:25:12feel my forms i still feel very close to
0:25:15you
0:25:15yeah well here's the school together
0:25:18this is the Atlas together as part of it
0:25:19i really wish you'd tell me more about
0:25:20your story but the others part of this
0:25:22is that I want to hear I realized by
0:25:24going to Google somebody and in so many
0:25:26of my friends that there are still out
0:25:28there are some of them are still writers
0:25:29a lot of them have become developers and
0:25:32stuff like that and I'll go I'll look
0:25:36somebody up and I'll go wow shit man
0:25:38that guy you please put pushing 50
0:25:41dog-eat-dog and i'll be like and then go
0:25:43like it sweet
0:25:44here because i know they were mostly my
0:25:45age in 1986 and the crazy part is
0:25:48they're still mostly my age today
0:25:50because in my head they will always be
0:25:5219 or 20
0:25:53I know this is an obvious thing but when
0:25:56you actually are confronted with like
0:25:57holy shit you're you're older now than
0:26:00you and your dad was when I met you
0:26:02which is in agreement that smooth and
0:26:07now your fingers still didn't get the
0:26:10email you about this to the email how
0:26:11they let you know John it's time for the
0:26:1432 33 Union yes today is such a high
0:26:17school is it you want to the high school
0:26:19that wasn't a good high school you went
0:26:20to the other always a good i'm perfectly
0:26:22fine but you're not the high school got
0:26:24ozzy osbourne know where we weren't we
0:26:26was always pretty I feel like you've
0:26:28always portrayed it as like you were the
0:26:29also-ran you mean where's my hit the
0:26:32white ribbon I we were highschool number
0:26:34two who high school number one uh for
0:26:39many many years was the only high school
0:26:41and they also have the auditorium that
0:26:44seed seated 2,000 people so everyone in
0:26:48Anchorage when there was something to do
0:26:49when there was an event in in 1960
0:26:52everybody in the city went and SAT in
0:26:56the west high auditorium and on the side
0:26:58of the westheimer aquarium as a giant
0:27:01Bald Eagle shrieking through the sky
0:27:05with its talons outstretched to catch a
0:27:10giant anchor a giant be fouled anchor
0:27:14like in relationship to this screaming
0:27:18eagle it is a truly bad ass logo and
0:27:23then it was determined that the city was
0:27:25growing and it needed a second high
0:27:27school also West has colors were black
0:27:30and orange very tough see those you do a
0:27:35leather jacket your collar we recall
0:27:37what year's work
0:27:38sure I do holy warriors well let me get
0:27:42there okay because when they started
0:27:44when they built east high school
0:27:46they did not give it a 2000 seat
0:27:49auditorium and the mascot was the
0:27:53Thunderbird a mythical animal and the
0:27:59Thunderbird was represented in sort of
0:28:01Native American like general vague
0:28:08Native American iconography but a
0:28:13Thunderbird is not it's not part of the
0:28:19the Eskimo that's more or less that
0:28:24feels more like a Southwest I'm look at
0:28:28the lower 48 like a Southwest Native
0:28:30American kind of thing
0:28:32look at the UCC a Thunderbird thing I
0:28:34feel like maybe in like in like I in
0:28:35Arizona or New Mexico and even like
0:28:39Pacific Northwest you know I can also
0:28:43see a vancouver top type Thunderbird day
0:28:45there's all kinds of what the card
0:28:46indigenous know every original peoples
0:28:48whatever thats that's a huge thing we're
0:28:50in vancouver it was like it was in
0:28:51ironically a big part of the culture
0:28:53there was like this yeah experience of
0:28:56that culture looks good let's call it a
0:28:58look let's call it an indigenous myth
0:29:01mythology my wife and I went to a fancy
0:29:03dinner at a place that was all like it
0:29:06was like kind of fancy but like the
0:29:09Atlantic ish upscale like a I don't want
0:29:13to say something racist but I don't say
0:29:14Indian whatever the work term they use
0:29:16there is but what's the whatever the the
0:29:18tribes of the British Columbia they're
0:29:20still very aware that totem poles in the
0:29:21park and this whole thing you know where
0:29:23the the Haida and the blanket right the
0:29:27clicker from a little bit further north
0:29:30I'm catco's the Haida are from right
0:29:32around there but there are a lot of
0:29:33subject sub-tribes right right right
0:29:36uh the you know the LED the lips the the
0:29:42tribes from right around here
0:29:43I mean I i could name 40 of them but
0:29:46they're all related to the Haida what
0:29:48happened the supra tribe but the Thunder
0:29:53what one thing the Thunderbird is not is
0:29:55either an Eskimo
0:29:58like icon nor is it really like a
0:30:03central Alaskan I don't I don't I don't
0:30:07think of it as a as an Athabascan image
0:30:12and Anchorage is not really part of the
0:30:15turf of the of the blanket who you know
0:30:21their turf ends down there in the
0:30:22wrangles somewhere i don't know i'm
0:30:24using a lot of words in the sentence
0:30:26word salad but I'm riding the wave and
0:30:28so it sounds a little bit like saying
0:30:30it's like it might as well as meaningful
0:30:32as saying like hey we're the Pirates
0:30:33well we never really had Pirates here or
0:30:35what oh they're they're adopting some
0:30:37kind of a culture
0:30:39yeah but even yeah right it's not
0:30:40there's no there are no hurricanes on
0:30:42the west coast so you shouldn't because
0:30:44you shouldn't say like East I hurricanes
0:30:46they you know it should be cyclones or
0:30:49whatever but yeah this is that this is
0:30:51some there aren't totem poles in
0:30:55Anchorage let's just put it that way
0:30:57there are no totem poles but the East
0:30:58High logo looks like it came from a
0:31:01totem pole so right away you're feeling
0:31:04like um and then to make matters worse
0:31:08our colors were red white and powder
0:31:13blue and so our letter jackets were the
0:31:17the body of them were powder blue sounds
0:31:19kinda like maybe like Eastern European
0:31:22it well and out and my lady friend went
0:31:26to my reunion with me and she said I
0:31:28find those very attractive colors and I
0:31:31said but but but yes okay but are they
0:31:34butch sports color
0:31:36she'sshe's millennium she's a millennium
0:31:38so she's like I don't even know what
0:31:40about butch sports colors but i think
0:31:42it's a very attractive jacket in a in it
0:31:45in any case so here we are
0:31:48against the fighting Eagles west high
0:31:50and we're like the the powder blue
0:31:53Thunderbirds it was tough and and what
0:31:57what drives me crazy is were there no
0:31:59other fierce animals in Alaska that
0:32:01could have been the mascot of the second
0:32:04high school
0:32:04yeah how about a bear what about a wolf
0:32:07these are there there are these he could
0:32:11have even gone with
0:32:12you know something that seems to be a
0:32:13touchdown for you which is the hearty
0:32:14stock of the various people that have
0:32:17come there over time so we can really
0:32:19get to san francisco 49ers or something
0:32:21like that you could go with something
0:32:22that's about the people but instead they
0:32:24transplanted a Thunderbird sure the
0:32:26Anchorage anchors I don't know the West
0:32:29i already have the anchor let's say they
0:32:31have the eagle and the anchor it's so
0:32:33infuriating and if they had a secret
0:32:35society i bet it was called the Eagle in
0:32:37the anchor here we are
0:32:39the Thunderbird and the and the cultural
0:32:42co-optation and we could have been so
0:32:45the third high school or whatever
0:32:47Bartlett I think that Carlos in portland
0:32:51maybe diamond was the third could have
0:32:52been yeah i think one of those you know
0:32:54they're the Bears the diamonds are the
0:32:57something else's so here's East I the
0:33:00truth we fought we fought a just going
0:33:04there was a fight or a scrappy we were
0:33:08scrappy upstart so huh
0:33:10and so i'm back at the Reunion East I
0:33:15Thunderbirds goatee birds who and my
0:33:19classmates at least the ones that came
0:33:21to the reunion are in fine shape they're
0:33:25in find federal there were a lot of
0:33:28people there that I said did look the
0:33:31same like look the same or better than
0:33:34they did in high school and I was
0:33:36thinking when I went to the 20-year you
0:33:38know everybody had kind of thickened up
0:33:40and it seem to bode that by the time you
0:33:44get to the 30-year you know we were just
0:33:45going to be flesh mounds but people were
0:33:51in good shape
0:33:53they'll you know they looked sharp they
0:33:55had they had sparkle in their eyes a lot
0:33:58of them their you know their third kid
0:34:00was graduating from high school and
0:34:01they're ready to start a new adventure
0:34:02in life Kenny
0:34:05and I was standing there like in my
0:34:09banana republic blazer that i bought a
0:34:11Salvation Army for a dollar and thinking
0:34:15to myself
0:34:17christ almighty what it could look a
0:34:20bunch of people from how did this
0:34:22how'd they are older than my friend's
0:34:25parents were when i was in high school
0:34:26but my friend's parents looked like me
0:34:29piles with hair you know they were they
0:34:33needed to trim the hair on their ears
0:34:35and hear my of my highschool classmates
0:34:38look like they're the freaking Kennedy's
0:34:40so times have changed in the and the
0:34:45expectations are up by 5i I went
0:34:52immediately to a drugstore but just for
0:34:54men mustache die
0:34:56nice to see me now look like Tom Selleck
0:35:00this November we head to the polls and
0:35:06select the 45th President of the United
0:35:08States of America but today
0:35:12cards against humanity is asking you to
0:35:15vote with your dollar for the candidate
0:35:17that you support
0:35:21the Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton
0:35:23is a graduate of Yale Law School who has
0:35:26served our country as secretary of state
0:35:29senator from New York and First Lady of
0:35:33the United States in her decades of
0:35:36public service
0:35:37she has tirelessly advocated for women's
0:35:40rights campaign finance reform and
0:35:43access to healthcare
0:35:46the Republican candidate Donald Trump
0:35:50will make America great again he is a
0:35:53powerful CEO who wears three suits at
0:35:57once all across america building
0:36:01screaming his name Trump Trump he always
0:36:06knows what time it is
0:36:09Donald Trump is a huge man who lives in
0:36:14a golf course at the end of this
0:36:18promotion cards against humanity will
0:36:20tally up the sales of both packs and
0:36:23depending on which pack gets more
0:36:24support we will donate all the money in
0:36:28support of Hillary Clinton
0:36:31exercise your sacred franchise at
0:36:34www.bulbamerica.com with cards against
0:36:39humanity dot-com
0:36:43I love to see you now that's a possible
0:36:50he's a good guy could have some guy i'm
0:36:52on my way
0:36:53uh-huh i'm on my way to you a legend
0:36:55when I am you know there's a lot of
0:36:59there are a lot of people didn't go to
0:37:00the 30th and I got it I got a lot of
0:37:03feedback from people online that
0:37:06indicated a kind of a kind of sort of
0:37:10smug consensus that like why would you
0:37:13go to your reunion
0:37:14herp derp and I feel like I feel like
0:37:20some of that attitude comes from people
0:37:23still not realizing that life is short
0:37:26and there aren't and it doesn't last
0:37:28forever your your reunions are like
0:37:32they're just a a pair of demarcation of
0:37:37life time progressing and that when i
0:37:42walked in the door of the reunion out
0:37:44you know I had a natural apprehension
0:37:47what's this going to be like the I
0:37:49haven't seen these people in years
0:37:51do I even have anything in common with
0:37:53them they're like moms and dads from
0:37:54Anchorage Alaska but then you get there
0:37:57and you know all these people you know
0:37:59them now for four decades even if you
0:38:02haven't seen him you know one like I
0:38:05can't remember what I meet somebody at a
0:38:07party in there like hi my name's Andy
0:38:09their name goes right in one ear and out
0:38:12the other I have no recollection of who
0:38:14they are one minute later and I turn to
0:38:16lean over to their friend of mine and I
0:38:18go what's this guy's name again and the
0:38:21handy and I said that's my secret shame
0:38:24i'm like right handy and then i turn my
0:38:27head back and look at Andy and I've
0:38:29already forgotten his name but I walk
0:38:32into this ski chalet where my 30th
0:38:35reunion is and every single person that
0:38:38walks up to me I'm like holy shit John
0:38:40Lindsay how are you i like oh my god
0:38:42it's chilly coochie like I know them
0:38:44like a like I nobody chillin sorry
0:38:48chilly was we could chill coochie that's
0:38:51terrific mean it's like somebody from
0:38:53Greece he's amazingly could use amazing
0:38:55lives in Denver you
0:38:56look about Kelly's a real person tell
0:38:58you know I normal and we had a very like
0:39:04an excellent high school class and i
0:39:06will end at the time I didn't think so
0:39:07but like really interesting excellent
0:39:11people who are still still thriving
0:39:13so I think that I think that those
0:39:15things like those little dumb flags your
0:39:22highschool reunions the dumb flags
0:39:25aren't you don't you too sophisticated
0:39:26for that now you've moved San Francisco
0:39:29oh no this is this is the irony is that
0:39:32i like i like to think that's the case
0:39:33but it's really just cuz I'm scared
0:39:34well and I think that's true for a lot
0:39:36of people who you know the people that
0:39:38are like I've I don't go back to my
0:39:40hometown I got out of there now I'm
0:39:42living now I've got 700 channels of
0:39:45television in my town
0:39:49I'm not going back to that but yeah you
0:39:51go back to that and you it turns out
0:39:53that you thought you were a nerd but
0:39:55none of your classmates did they all
0:39:56thought you were great
0:39:58or you remember everybody hating your
0:40:00guts but in fact they all really liked
0:40:02you and they're all nice now they're all
0:40:05nice people and they're not little high
0:40:07school jerks and every basis do this is
0:40:09what everybody says this is what
0:40:10everybody says it makes me feel terrible
0:40:11that I don't go to these things I think
0:40:14everybody should go right now because
0:40:16people are great i mean there's only one
0:40:19guy my eyes go reunion that is still
0:40:22working out the whole problem of cool
0:40:27there's one guy who every time I see him
0:40:30online he's very nice to me every time I
0:40:34see him in person he lurks over on the
0:40:37other side of the room because he's not
0:40:39gonna come say hi to me first
0:40:41there's a one guy you know a whole room
0:40:44of people I went to high school but
0:40:45still worried about that kind of that
0:40:49level of thing and he's a super
0:40:52interesting guy but he's just got this
0:40:54he's just still got you can see it in it
0:40:56but it's not like you're walking over to
0:40:57him first you're gonna wait here
0:40:59oh no I mean I I'm talking to people who
0:41:02are coming up to me to talk to me but
0:41:04I'm looking across the room and I see
0:41:05him over there and he's just looking at
0:41:06his fingernails
0:41:08when i get done talking to the people
0:41:10who are brave enough to come over and
0:41:12say hello then I do go over and say hey
0:41:15man because i want to relieve him of
0:41:19this stress but it's very funny to think
0:41:23that you wouldn't go to one of these
0:41:24things you're like oh jesus you know
0:41:25everybody's gonna be high school on me
0:41:27but nobody is except for one there's
0:41:29always one guy but this reunion is put
0:41:32together you in answer to your original
0:41:34question that was put together on
0:41:35facebook
0:41:36yeah there were no emails it all
0:41:40happened on Facebook including all of
0:41:42the threads where people were saying I
0:41:45maybe i can come maybe I can't how much
0:41:47is it
0:41:47when is it oh my daughter has a dance
0:41:50recital that day and it's like in yeah
0:41:54this is your 30th reunion like
0:41:56reschedule the dance recital
0:41:59there's a lot of that kind of facebook
0:42:01chatter and I just was always glimpsing
0:42:05and then I made my reservations to go to
0:42:11the reunion and then I arrived and then
0:42:14I was sort of getting on the plane and
0:42:17we got a text from one of my friends was
0:42:19like all right we'll see you in a couple
0:42:20of hours i was like what are you talking
0:42:22about the reunion tonight the reasons
0:42:26tonight friday night I naturally assumed
0:42:29it was saturday night because i never
0:42:31read the invite i didn't read the
0:42:35facebook description of and so I made
0:42:39him hated plane reservation that landed
0:42:42in Anchorage one hour after the event
0:42:45starts and so I i rented a car I i ran
0:42:51through the airport like a disgraced
0:42:53football star yep jumpin over suitcases
0:42:56jumping over suitcases nothing but
0:42:57smiles some little old lady says go
0:43:00j-rod who make it into that and make it
0:43:05into my rental four-by-four and I Korean
0:43:10across the city a city I know intimately
0:43:13all the way over to the mountains where
0:43:17the brain is being held in a ski chalet
0:43:19and you know what I wasn't even
0:43:21aight they were just getting started Wow
0:43:23and I have the whole reunion with all my
0:43:28my pals and then got in the four-by-four
0:43:33and raced back to the airport because my
0:43:36lady friend was flying in on a later
0:43:38flight
0:43:38I did all this and one night felt like a
0:43:42felt like I I didn't need to have flown
0:43:46in a day early because what I could have
0:43:48driven back to the airport and flown
0:43:50home I could have done that whole thing
0:43:52flown in landed gone to the reunion had
0:43:54a great time gone back to the airport
0:43:56gone home
0:43:57nobody would have I mean I could have
0:43:59left a pot on the stove
0:44:01no I'm saying Marilyn I could do your
0:44:04you're the it seems like you getting
0:44:06closer and closer with the you know
0:44:07sometimes you just need to put that
0:44:09fight around like you get you're gettin
0:44:11recent history indicates that you're a
0:44:13man is happy that you can if you have to
0:44:14hop back on a plane and just go straight
0:44:16back you just your jet-setting how many
0:44:18years of our lives have we thought oh
0:44:21boy i got a better get those plane
0:44:24tickets it's only six months till I have
0:44:26to fly
0:44:26oh yeah you know like find out about
0:44:29your travel insurance
0:44:30yeah going on trips is a big deal
0:44:32changing flights as an enormous steel
0:44:35you might as well just stay home you
0:44:38could get stranded if something goes
0:44:40wrong with your flight you may never go
0:44:41home again
0:44:42yeah and now I'm realizing that
0:44:43everything you do with visa via an
0:44:46airline cost a hundred bucks let's get
0:44:49to now you know what I mean like you've
0:44:50got a you've got a wallet with hundreds
0:44:52in it and every time you talk to
0:44:54somebody should just throw a
0:44:55hundred-dollar bill at him but it's only
0:44:58a hundred dollars once you understand
0:45:00that it's less shocking
0:45:02yeah it's easy just this is just how
0:45:04this works hey can I do this
0:45:06they're like yeah that'll be 101 dollars
0:45:08and ninety-five cents and you're like
0:45:09yeah I knew it was going to be a hundred
0:45:11dollars and so here's I have some
0:45:15hundreds already earmarked for this
0:45:16purpose and then you get at the thing is
0:45:20that hundred dollars allows you to be on
0:45:22an airplane in one hour rather than
0:45:26get a hotel room and wait until tomorrow
0:45:28get a 250 our hotel room and wait until
0:45:31you're originally scheduled flight or
0:45:34whatever you know like that hundred
0:45:36dollars is just the thing that is
0:45:38required and you can leave whenever you
0:45:41can leave you can I mean I was in LA in
0:45:43LA couple weeks ago and I said I'm
0:45:45leaving La right now what this did not
0:45:48work out this trip didn't work out i'm
0:45:49leaving and I was like 100 dollars and I
0:45:53was on an airplane in an hour so it has
0:45:58really stripped away the feeling that
0:46:00getting on an airplane is a big deal or
0:46:01that all that stuff all that like we got
0:46:06a plan we gotta prepare what are we
0:46:08gonna do when we get there
0:46:09like what are you gonna do you're gonna
0:46:10peel off another hundred dollars and
0:46:12throw it at somebody and then it's just
0:46:16like you play it's just like you planned
0:46:17it becomes becomes a kind of thought
0:46:18technology where you at so you're really
0:46:20realigning your whole idea of how this
0:46:22is gonna work
0:46:23Yeah Yeah right because it because if
0:46:25the trip originally if you had budgeted
0:46:27$1,000 for a trip let's say uh I mean
0:46:32that's ten one hundred dollars is uh huh
0:46:36and if the flight if you buy the flight
0:46:38today for a flight tomorrow and it costs
0:46:41whatever even $500 you still have 500 to
0:46:45throw and you still you're still within
0:46:49your budget so it was I mean I flew up
0:46:54to Anchorage on friday and i left Sunday
0:46:56night and that is a that's ludicrous to
0:47:02fly to Alaska for the weekend except
0:47:05it's not cause $300 to you know i bought
0:47:07my tickets with miles and will rule look
0:47:10at you mr medallion i know c and then
0:47:13high and then i read in the car I was
0:47:16200 bucks who I throw a hundred dollars
0:47:18and somebody for something i don't
0:47:19remember what don't need to know
0:47:21justjust know they're gonna go I don't
0:47:22even care it's like how many how many
0:47:24dinners have I bought for Jason Finn it
0:47:28costs a hundred dollars least sales be
0:47:30going to a place Jason orders some
0:47:33Negroni you get some appetizers
0:47:36maybe a little blanched spinach it for
0:47:39the table then the thing comes as ninety
0:47:41seven dollars really fuck knows a lot
0:47:43more money than I thought it was gonna
0:47:44be
0:47:45how many Negro needs to g-get but he's
0:47:47already under the table like I guess
0:47:51this one's on me and that's that's
0:47:54that's the amount it is it's basically
0:47:56the same amount that it cost to get
0:47:58Jason fit under the table with a plate
0:47:59of blanched spinach is the cost of being
0:48:01able to fly at the drop of a hat you
0:48:04don't get rich in life by spending money
0:48:05isn't it the other way around
0:48:10huh you do get rich in life baseman oh
0:48:12this is the thing when everything goes
0:48:14well isn't it funny how rich people are
0:48:16the cheapest people in your like well
0:48:18that's spoken like a poor person
0:48:20oh no I'm saying sort of oh yeah Jason
0:48:24he's got more money than Sinatra and
0:48:25euro fine isn't growing and he's under
0:48:27the table if I see snake
0:48:28I see what you're saying uh yeah he
0:48:31Pat's he pats at his and his fleece that
0:48:33he's always wearing like that that
0:48:36mixture that have a while but even
0:48:39better Jason friend ID hi Jason and he
0:48:41still listens
0:48:42I'm sure he does he listens on his runs
0:48:44so a lot of the podcast him just sounds
0:48:46like trucks honking whoo oh I remember
0:48:50what the hundred dollars I throughout
0:48:51somebody was I got back to the car
0:48:53rental place and they were like oh
0:48:54you're two hours late dropping the car
0:48:56off its an extra day and it costs a
0:48:58hundred dollars and I was like seriously
0:49:00a hundred dollars for for being two
0:49:02hours late
0:49:03uh-huh and they're like this right here
0:49:05the contracts and it's like I don't read
0:49:07your stinking contracts and I stood
0:49:10there and I was like okay I can get all
0:49:11heated up about this are you mad
0:49:14he's dealing to just peel pull off a
0:49:15couple the cenotes and walk away
0:49:17yeah I was like I i used to demand
0:49:19satisfaction in a situation like this
0:49:21sure did but now the satisfaction comes
0:49:24from from flipping another hundred
0:49:26through the window of her and being like
0:49:29this problem is gone it cost one hundred
0:49:31dollars and i'm not talking about a
0:49:33hundred value they're going to be people
0:49:35listening to this podcast they're like
0:49:36well it's nice if you can afford 305
0:49:39John Roderick that's right but the
0:49:40problem is that everybody's budgeting to
0:49:45do things and they're the end and these
0:49:47hundred-dollar bills they're spending
0:49:49them to their
0:49:50just in different categories they don't
0:49:52see it as peel-off honored throw it
0:49:54throw it out of thing the problem is
0:49:55solved
0:49:56they're like well then there's a hundred
0:49:58dollars budget for this and for that and
0:50:00for this and for that it's like if you
0:50:02buy this ticket six months ahead of time
0:50:04they're not any cheaper it doesn't give
0:50:06you any relief from anxiety to have all
0:50:09that stuff in a folder sitting on the
0:50:13sitting on your desk this is my trip six
0:50:15months from now and I've got it all
0:50:16squared away at least for me it doesn't
0:50:19it's cheaper to just to just spend a
0:50:23hundred dollars in in terms of like
0:50:25right let me through this
0:50:26let me make it through this little
0:50:28portal let me through your spider web
0:50:30huh tsa PreCheck
0:50:33yeah just get er done get er done get er
0:50:38done
0:50:38ya like that how we went to Disneyland
0:50:43as i mentioned off-air we went to
0:50:46Disneyland a few weeks ago for the first
0:50:47time and I I felt something similar
0:50:49where I had I had basically said that in
0:50:52order to have this trip and for me to
0:50:54not be stressful this is actually
0:50:55something I've learned from our friend
0:50:56John siracusa which is like be a
0:50:58rational person all the time and here's
0:50:59your rationality when it's time to go on
0:51:02vacation
0:51:02be prepared and plan for everything to
0:51:05cost way more than you expected like
0:51:08build that into the budget don't take
0:51:10the trip until you know you can spend
0:51:12way more than you think you should
0:51:13because even if you don't just buy a
0:51:15bunch of shit
0:51:16still you're still gonna have the
0:51:17hundred-dollar problem everywhere you go
0:51:19as in your parlance and we had a
0:51:21wonderful trip partly because i just got
0:51:23you sleep well that meal costs a hundred
0:51:24dollars shit like she just had macaroni
0:51:26again and somehow we spend a hundred
0:51:28dollars i'm not sure how that happened
0:51:29yet because it was 18 $18 macaroni
0:51:31because it had two bacon bits on
0:51:33oh yeah well I'm and i think i think
0:51:36part of it for me is that I'm just
0:51:39budgeting my money toward living this
0:51:41life rather than budgeting money toward
0:51:45living a different life
0:51:46well you need to get one of those jobs
0:51:47we circle back with people about how the
0:51:49forms are going I can't stop I can't say
0:51:51but I can't stop thinking about that
0:51:53look at your job you make money in your
0:51:56job god bless you god bless you you make
0:51:59money in your job when I'm not doing
0:52:01mine
0:52:02yeah yeah it's just it's vexing me I
0:52:05don't take you off your peggy sue or
0:52:07your body cam but my goodness that
0:52:09frustrates me when you see them all the
0:52:11time you see him walking around with
0:52:12their jobs now making money doing
0:52:15nothing and its really changed a lot of
0:52:18what I do because you know this could be
0:52:21a personality fall where I just don't
0:52:23have I don't have the patience to in the
0:52:27worst-case have a series of phone calls
0:52:30with different people for six months
0:52:32about whether something will happen
0:52:34oh and then you go through what I
0:52:36learned was eventually called the
0:52:37engagement process which is where we
0:52:39figure out if the thing we definitely
0:52:41took six months decided we definitely
0:52:42want to do with you whether that money
0:52:44exists and who could potentially pay for
0:52:46it
0:52:46yeah we spent that entire amount of
0:52:48money months ago on the amount of time
0:52:50you guys were in meetings about whether
0:52:51you wanted to do this
0:52:52that's when you're when you're a loser
0:52:53like us he's never gonna retire that's
0:52:55the way you think but they're on a
0:52:57different level you know when when i
0:52:59when i did this this little television
0:53:01talk show thing that I ever tell you
0:53:03about the the i was i arrived for
0:53:07wardrobe
0:53:09oh yeah you took much in Turner yeah
0:53:12they were fitting me having a wardrobe
0:53:14and somebody came out and they were i
0:53:16was interacting with about five people
0:53:18at this point the producer the writer
0:53:20the producer's assistant
0:53:23uh-huh the representative from the
0:53:25agency the representative from the other
0:53:27agency and some nothing much for ya
0:53:31someone came out and said well they're
0:53:33all having a meeting right here right
0:53:35next to where we are and they really
0:53:38liked to me there and I think that in a
0:53:42minute
0:53:42they're going to be ready for you uh-huh
0:53:44and I had other stuff to do the wardrobe
0:53:47person was putting shoes on me and I was
0:53:50like all right and when they're ready to
0:53:53talk to me i guess i'm here already and
0:53:55i'm not being paid for this day right
0:53:57there was they think this is pro bono
0:53:59out of your like hell parts in the city
0:54:01work
0:54:02yeah and but they contracted me for two
0:54:04days worth of work
0:54:05and then they said but there's going to
0:54:06be a fitting day i'm alright alright
0:54:10hitting day they're not paying me for
0:54:11the fitting that's just you know that's
0:54:15presumed so there's some money in it but
0:54:17it's very circumscribed like was making
0:54:20money for for day 2 and a 3 but there's
0:54:22no okay
0:54:23icic day one this is the fitting day and
0:54:25i'm not getting paid for this and that
0:54:27was fine i was like sure I'll go fitting
0:54:28day but then they're like okay we're
0:54:31there
0:54:32they're about ready to meet you and the
0:54:34person that said that walked away went
0:54:35through a door somebody else came out
0:54:38hi nice to meet you I'm the person
0:54:40that's doing this they're gonna be there
0:54:43they are about ready to meet you and
0:54:46then that person walked away I went
0:54:47through a different door I got shoes put
0:54:50on me and that I put on me and I was
0:54:51like I'm having a fine time somebody
0:54:53came and asked me if i wanted to rap and
0:54:56i said i have a wrap
0:54:58oh well you know rap checkout sure it's
0:55:00like it's like a breeder sandwich
0:55:01sure give me a chicken wrap this
0:55:02wonderful thank you and then they
0:55:04realized that there was just a tray of
0:55:05wraps in the kitchen that hadn't been
0:55:07eaten by by the day I was like I'll take
0:55:10one of your old raps so maybe even
0:55:13sitting there with new shoes on even an
0:55:15old rap and finally somebody comes out
0:55:17and says um it's gonna be a minute
0:55:20they're not sure if they you know
0:55:22they're not sure if they're ready to see
0:55:24you yet
0:55:25so what I'm sorry I'm already losing the
0:55:27thread here who are they and why do they
0:55:29need to talk to you
0:55:30I had no idea either but it's but the
0:55:32implication is or what you inferred is
0:55:34that these are some kind of big
0:55:36stakeholders in whoever's behind the
0:55:38scenes behind the scenes and it's gonna
0:55:40be like kind of a meet-and-greet and
0:55:41maybe a little bit of like here's the
0:55:43here's the reason for the season
0:55:44yeah exactly alright my assumption you
0:55:48know all these situations is look I'm
0:55:50the talent I'm the one they want to meet
0:55:52I don't care who they are they could be
0:55:55President the goddamn world it can be
0:55:57sergey brin sitting on a magic carpet
0:55:58sitting indian-style on a floating magic
0:56:00carpet
0:56:01he's gonna want to meet me because I'm
0:56:03the talent sure
0:56:04criss-cross applesauce preeminent so I'm
0:56:06out there and I'm like hey I'm not
0:56:08getting paid for today already
0:56:09whoever's timeline we're working on is
0:56:11fine with me part of my brand is that I
0:56:14don't give a fuck i got a used wrap here
0:56:18apparently shoes and i'm already
0:56:19negotiating with the costume lady that
0:56:21I'm going to get to keep these shoes at
0:56:23the end of the shoot you can get your
0:56:25decision
0:56:25well so I leaned in and I go what I
0:56:27gotta do to keep these shoes huh
0:56:29she's like well i got this budget i got
0:56:31this in that i did about 10
0:56:33I don't know about that's gonna be tough
0:56:34and I'm like him but I'm gonna keep
0:56:39these shoes right she's like well I can
0:56:41talk to the guy can't do this happened
0:56:43and then there are you doing a little
0:56:46bit of a Jedi mind trick on her
0:56:47well see the thing is I know that's not
0:56:49her decision I don't want to put her in
0:56:50a in an awkward position
0:56:53I'm just sowing the seeds so the first
0:56:55person I've talked to already thinks
0:56:57that I'm going to keep the shoes
0:56:59eventually what happens is the person I
0:57:03figure out who the person in charge of
0:57:05that process is later on in the
0:57:09production a day and a half later and
0:57:12I'm like I love these shoes how about me
0:57:13keep these shoes and that person by that
0:57:16point in time is so focused on keeping
0:57:18me happy mood because they've been
0:57:20bringing me waters the whole time even
0:57:21though
0:57:22hello there pay grade they're doing it
0:57:24because I'm the talent developed a
0:57:25relationship they got some skin in the
0:57:27game and then that person makes the
0:57:29decision like this what you want the
0:57:30shoes all ya done and the and the
0:57:35Wardrobe lady standing there and the
0:57:37production people are all standing
0:57:39around and they heard the person say it
0:57:40and then I just walk out issues I don't
0:57:42there's no storm to sign at that point
0:57:44who was the person already the the
0:57:47person who's bringing me the water so
0:57:48said so anyway so I'm sitting in this
0:57:50room and finally someone comes out and
0:57:52says they're ready to see you like I'm
0:57:57ready to see them and it was ostensibly
0:58:00that i was going to come in and show
0:58:02them the costume and they were going to
0:58:04decide that the suit was right huh
0:58:07right so all right I'm realizing like oh
0:58:10this is a this is a situation where they
0:58:13want to meet me and they want to be
0:58:14entertained by me but but they justified
0:58:17it as that i'm walking in there like a
0:58:19like a monkey talent from mannequin to
0:58:23show them my clothes
0:58:26well that seems like a status move a
0:58:28little bit deputy 50 people and so I
0:58:31walk in and you will not believe it a
0:58:34u-shaped table there's 20 people so for
0:58:38goodness sake when the people i walk in
0:58:42i am I like am taken aback
0:58:45holy shit this is a big meeting room and
0:58:48there's 20 people in here there's
0:58:50there's the row of stakeholders in the
0:58:53chairs around the you and then there's a
0:58:55then there's the back row of chairs of
0:58:58their assistance or somebody I don't
0:58:59know people with people that are
0:59:00actually holding pieces of paper that's
0:59:02what all those people do well there's
0:59:04the agency personnel sure you get there
0:59:06is a person from the other agency yes
0:59:09there's the person from move the client
0:59:12there's client-side person there's the
0:59:14other there's a person from the other
0:59:16client there's the people that were
0:59:20contracted there's the boss there's the
0:59:25boss lady who's above the boss sure
0:59:28right there anything else in charge and
0:59:31the thing is everybody in this room is
0:59:33in charge right all the people that
0:59:34aren't charger outside the room running
0:59:37around telling me when things are going
0:59:38to happen and so you know of course I
0:59:41walk in and I go hey hey it's dave
0:59:45Roderick area you want to see my costume
0:59:48let me turn around us do these pants
0:59:50look good on my house and everybody is
0:59:52immediately disarmed and charm because
0:59:54the talent is fun and then i say i'm
0:59:58keeping the shoes
0:59:58keeping the shoes
1:00:00and every single one of the 20 people
1:00:04they go around the table and everybody's
1:00:06got something to say
1:00:07mm there's a person from California that
1:00:09has very very casual hair you know
1:00:12somebody that used to work at geffen
1:00:14who's not wearing socks and then there's
1:00:18the person that this very you know like
1:00:21high and tight haircut who came from New
1:00:23York every single one of those has this
1:00:26as some kind of say in the decision and
1:00:29as I'm standing there in front of them
1:00:31doing this little dance not getting paid
1:00:34for today because it's fitting day I
1:00:38look around the room like me the the top
1:00:41person in this room is probably making
1:00:43seven hundred thousand dollars here
1:00:44yeah the bottom person in this room is
1:00:47making 220,000 dollars a year and i'm
1:00:51not getting seven hundred fifty dollars
1:00:52for today because it's fitting well okay
1:00:56and like here's the thing from from me
1:00:59being a karma suck you know being the
1:01:01holden caulfield of the operation if
1:01:03somebody said to me hey what if we paid
1:01:05you whatever your dingaling rate is to
1:01:07come and be fitted with clothes for a
1:01:10day and then be inspected by a crew of
1:01:13people at our leisure and to give you
1:01:15notes if somebody gave me that as the
1:01:18entire proposition i would say fuck no
1:01:20let alone will you then go do a talk
1:01:25show on the back of a truck
1:01:27I'm just here to say like when you look
1:01:28at it from that point of view no you
1:01:30couldn't pay me to do that that's
1:01:31ridiculous
1:01:32mm so but all this is just a little bit
1:01:35of a little bit of extra sky like saying
1:01:37like hey we're gonna pay you to come
1:01:40over repeated to come to our house and
1:01:42watch the price is right
1:01:44oh but also there's a day where you are
1:01:46paint the exterior of our house but we
1:01:49figured you know I figured you know
1:01:50that's pretty standard in the industry
1:01:51but wasn't sure about that exterior
1:01:54house painting stuff
1:01:56well and that's that's why in those
1:01:58situations I'm like I i feel i feel no
1:02:00shame about taking these shoes
1:02:04not at all I feel no shame about
1:02:09about asserting the fact that even
1:02:13though everybody in this room has a 401k
1:02:14everyone in this room is going to retire
1:02:16one day
1:02:17yeah I walk in and say look at my ass
1:02:20you dummies are they gonna do replace
1:02:27you
1:02:27yeah exactly i'm the talent you're like
1:02:29Greg Brady you fit the shoes
1:02:30yeah how do you like me like that may
1:02:32like me now what if i pulled his pants
1:02:34up really high is that funny that you
1:02:35really interesting point here is my ass
1:02:37my cloud you any questions i make you
1:02:39laugh a little more ass
1:02:41I'm keeping these fucking shoes and they
1:02:43can't do anything all weekend warriors
1:02:45left one of the what are they gonna do
1:02:46stay tone it down
1:02:47fuck you look at my ass again because i
1:02:50went to high school with these same
1:02:51people she just be sure did
1:02:53yeah you're gonna sue that's right I'm
1:02:55the piggy soon this story i'm scared to
1:03:00go back to my reunion because i just got
1:03:02divorced my husband 35 years
1:03:04yeah it's my 25th reunion Greg and I
1:03:06don't really talk much anymore
1:03:09oh it's complicated I told he cried i
1:03:15went to a Denny's the couple years ago
1:03:17and the server came over and he was what
1:03:20he was wearing up a and is recognized
1:03:22that the server was about my age and I
1:03:25looked at his name tag and it said
1:03:27dennys employees since 1986 I was like
1:03:32that's the year I graduated from high
1:03:33school
1:03:34oh shit that's the year he graduated
1:03:36from high school
1:03:38absolutely and i ordered a pancake who
1:03:42and I had a real moment
1:03:45uh-huh of feeling like all but all that
1:03:51time that I felt like I was just
1:03:54throwing time down a down a turlet sure
1:03:58well there's another there's an
1:03:59alternate universe black mirror version
1:04:02of this where what if we lived in a
1:04:04world where each of us had to wear a
1:04:06nametag about the thing we mostly done
1:04:09since high school
1:04:11in that case is pretty simple it might
1:04:13actually seemed pretty honorable yeah I
1:04:15have worked at this location since then
1:04:18yeah somehow managing to fuck it up
1:04:19since 1986 and what would your nametag
1:04:22say that
1:04:22that's pretty much it might be it might
1:04:24be a GF yeah i mean will be something
1:04:28along the lines of you know snatching
1:04:30defeat from the jaws of victory since
1:04:321980 Maddox not working up to his
1:04:35potential since 1986 yeah 3/5 that's
1:04:38interesting so you you were young for
1:04:40your grade I was old for mine and we
1:04:42graduated your part that's interesting
1:04:44question 8585 I always thought if I was
1:04:47a good year all those terrible year we
1:04:48were bribing the bottom of the barrel
1:04:50for every part of my generation also our
1:04:52school colors were green and yellow and
1:04:54not a nice green or a nice yellow I
1:04:57always thought green and yellow was like
1:04:59if a high school had green yellow
1:05:02it was by that point in time all the
1:05:05other color schemes had been taken by
1:05:07better high schools and somebody was
1:05:09just looking at a pallet wheel now it's
1:05:12like they found it's like from
1:05:12lost-and-found hoop it's green and
1:05:14yellow and it was like a kind of like a
1:05:16sickly yellow looks like you got some
1:05:17kind of like a like a liver problem
1:05:19yellow yeah I think that's what this one
1:05:22before but one tenth grade they made
1:05:24painters hats for school spirit and sold
1:05:26them and they misspelled the name of the
1:05:28mascots on the back so you know 670
1:05:33people had six sure had had painters has
1:05:35said that boosting years on it
1:05:37a1c boutonnieres
1:05:42hey where the marker tears at the booth
1:05:45and here's hit its but at least where
1:05:48you were going to school there were
1:05:51historical boutonnieres
1:05:54no I think they just call it that
1:05:55because of the the football team I don't
1:05:57know that's you know what that's a
1:05:58really good point is the football team
1:05:59from tamp nah i think came around in
1:06:03this state seventies to Bruce appearance
1:06:06attempt to boost in years and I think my
1:06:08high school predated that so i don't
1:06:10know if they did a pivot to become busan
1:06:12years they might they might have been
1:06:14the you know the new jersey retirees
1:06:16until then I'm not sure something more
1:06:17appropriate for the setting in anchorage
1:06:20in the seventies I was a little league
1:06:22baseball team that was called the Padres
1:06:25the other the pot LOL i'm for service
1:06:29I thought that was the star wars
1:06:30reference yeah yeah okay likelike the
1:06:32San Diego's san diego padres and which
1:06:35in san diego
1:06:36makes sense because your father
1:06:37admissions and stuff that's right
1:06:38there's some historical Padre
1:06:40yeah but there are no Padres and
1:06:42anything we haven't fucking busan years
1:06:45in new port richey at felt I felt very
1:06:48much like i was very confused because we
1:06:51also kept the colors of the Padres which
1:06:54was that shameful southwestern all and
1:06:57brown goo & you not good in the Astros I
1:07:02think seventies throwback Houston Astros
1:07:03colors would look really cool you just
1:07:05could have been the Astros that would've
1:07:07been cool well but there's no like the
1:07:11houston astros where the Astros because
1:07:13Astro is short for astro not as a space
1:07:16and Houston is space town USA but the
1:07:20Anchorage team should have been either
1:07:24the east high oil profit ears or the
1:07:30East I genocide assists last nice you
1:07:33know the East time I I do you can get
1:07:36one of those names like you know
1:07:36Stanford's team is the Cardinal they
1:07:38have one of those cool like plural names
1:07:40you could have been the East High
1:07:42awkward silence you start sounds that
1:07:45sounds like dr. google it
1:07:47the east by assimilation uh huh the East
1:07:51I a chevy short beds em shorts because
1:07:56it was the early eighties sure and what
1:07:58you wanna know what we would've been the
1:08:00chevy stepside the stepside the stepside
1:08:02sounds a little fancy you had top hats
1:08:04right the step sides that sounds like a
1:08:06game for the Warriors a little bit
1:08:08Yeah Yeah right the step size they were
1:08:10baseball shirts and top hats and their
1:08:12weapon of choice is the feathered
1:08:14outside come out and discuss the
1:08:16property lines general special treasures
1:08:19your feather duster and then they put it
1:08:22right in your face
1:08:22they're like how am I going on in your
1:08:25life she kicked in the balls
1:08:29that's got kind of asynchronous gang
1:08:35warfare
1:08:35yeah yeah that's right why I was
1:08:38thinking about this the other day what
1:08:39happened to the stepside pickup stepside
1:08:42pickup
1:08:42mmm those big ones gotta step
1:08:45well you know it's like the one where
1:08:47the wheel wells in the back stick out
1:08:51because the bed itself is made smaller
1:08:56right like a like Google stepside pickup
1:08:58huh you're gonna see that is the classic
1:09:01pickup look well because the thing about
1:09:04clearance is you can strain by axles the
1:09:07only way to get your axle is it said
1:09:08that that's the guns and roses story
1:09:10that that's good that you're done you're
1:09:18done that got heal