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0:00:41hello hi John
0:00:46I'm Merlin how's it going super good
0:00:49super good super duper good i'm just
0:00:52reading about Dexys Midnight Runners and
0:00:56eating my new special breakfast
0:01:00life hack oh that's because you want to
0:01:03share i love to hear about both what's
0:01:04your breakfast it is again a cup hungry
0:01:09are you are you down with aegon organic
0:01:11up have you ever had an egg in a couple
0:01:13I as a very innovative basket
0:01:18uh I don't think i have I mean it's
0:01:20sending a basket who ya talkin in the
0:01:23basket picking out picking out dough
0:01:25ready dog bite kicking out picking up
0:01:28picking up the chicken out
0:01:29uh no your something I've been the
0:01:32girl-scout thing where you make it you
0:01:33use a shot glass today Christmas Girl
0:01:37Scouts love shot glasses difficult girls
0:01:39got well you know what this is a Girl
0:01:40Scout lifehack if you use I was shot
0:01:42glass of egg into a beer maybe they
0:01:46called the gentleman's mimosa no
0:01:49mayonnaise on the side know you I've
0:01:51done a thing where you are oh I have a
0:01:53whole method for this the garden have
0:01:54time for but i don't think we knock out
0:01:56some bread usually tell us to present
0:02:00you make an egg in the middle of that
0:02:01all your talk about toad-in-the-hole
0:02:02total yes it's a show in the whole
0:02:09regular basket or old gentleman's mimosa
0:02:12uh ya know in a cup is totally different
0:02:18i want to guess
0:02:19alright go now I'll never get AAA get a
0:02:22cup is see the thing is that to me that
0:02:24feels like something a go-go yuppie in
0:02:27the eighties would do
0:02:28that's right with it involves like
0:02:30poaching in a coffee cup in the
0:02:33microwave you here right on it looks
0:02:36like the music up here's what you do
0:02:39oh my god this is about technology is
0:02:41you here there it is and that's gonna
0:02:42blow its gonna blow your mind it's gonna
0:02:44blow everybody's mind moved everything
0:02:45important out of the way you know what
0:02:47I'm gonna I am after today I'm gonna get
0:02:50convicted of being a serial killer cause
0:02:52I money because of all the blood much
0:02:54I'm gonna blow so many minds right now
0:02:56that there's a trail of death across the
0:02:58they will know me by my trail of death I
0:03:03take an egg drop it in a coffee cup you
0:03:07put a fork in an 80gb I'm sorry to
0:03:10interrupt ed crack the egg
0:03:11yes you do yes you do you crack the egg
0:03:14into a thought these things are
0:03:15important you gotta you gotta pick out
0:03:17all the little uh Michelle parts because
0:03:19you don't know how to crack an egg yeah
0:03:21and then you you you stir it once with a
0:03:26fork just quick just to like break the
0:03:29yolk just break the yolk and just kind
0:03:31of like Egyptian or just like a not not
0:03:33three ships to jip jip jip set
0:03:37definitely not scrambled in the
0:03:38conventional sense hope you do most of
0:03:40the egg is still intact as an egg you
0:03:42just kind of break it a little in the
0:03:44microwave for 30 seconds
0:03:46oh my goodness you pull it out you go
0:03:50now
0:03:51jip jip jip three ships with a fork who
0:03:54just just kind of scraping it off of the
0:03:57sides and the bottom of the cup it's
0:03:59still going to be a kind of a mirror
0:04:01that said that's not so much for the for
0:04:03the it's it makes it easier to enjoy
0:04:05your just kind of sluicing it are your
0:04:07carving it off the sides of your coffee
0:04:09cup just getting off the off the sides
0:04:11and you're just kind of giving it a
0:04:12couple more stirs who 20 more seconds in
0:04:16the microwave and my god bless that I
0:04:20mean even taking into account the ship's
0:04:23it's a minute
0:04:24it's a flat minute and then perfect
0:04:27silence they don't know where to begin
0:04:30scrambly egg this changes so many things
0:04:33for one thing I got tell you this is I
0:04:36have the have the basic office cooking
0:04:39set up which means i have the second
0:04:41cheapest microwave from target and I
0:04:43have the cot costco door refrigerator
0:04:45that everybody has I've seen I've seen
0:04:48your son have cast of the microwave is
0:04:51almost certainly not dangerous know
0:04:55right it's like probably eighty-four
0:04:59percent certain that it's not irritating
0:05:03right and I keep keep the door closed
0:05:06you know what I'm not using it but this
0:05:09would be for me this is not locate so do
0:05:12you put in any kind of fixings do you do
0:05:15video mixing i have i have you you know
0:05:18a couple of little bit of cheddar
0:05:20um I got a little bit of salt pepper a
0:05:22little power with the salt-and-pepper oh
0:05:24and if you put two eggs in a coffee cup
0:05:27you're pushing your luck huh
0:05:29but if you put two eggs and like a
0:05:31slightly larger like say for instance of
0:05:33beer stein then you know it's a mug that
0:05:39makes like a meal it's a he seemed like
0:05:43you could literally just drop a cracked
0:05:45egg in there but i'm thinking also if
0:05:47you put in some thinly-sliced like
0:05:50shaved butter you were some serious
0:05:54poaching on or like thinly sliced
0:05:57prosciutto ham my goodness because cup
0:06:01that would cook so fast cow and you
0:06:03you've gotta pierce it because if you
0:06:05don't the single explode
0:06:07yeah sure what you what you doing the
0:06:08whole time is is you know you're
0:06:10managing the amount of time in there you
0:06:13want to cook it without having the whole
0:06:15thing explode
0:06:16you gotta count for physics gotta come
0:06:18from physics and science and as we know
0:06:20sciences love love his music that's
0:06:24record that's right so you
0:06:28yeah you get 30 seconds just don't push
0:06:30it okay and then a couple more ships
0:06:33maybe that's when you add the cheese and
0:06:36the prosciutto and then 20 more seconds
0:06:40and that's all you need that's all you
0:06:41want that so many good life hacks but i
0:06:43gotta tell you i am i'm so gonna try
0:06:45this
0:06:46I'm trying to eat less bread and less
0:06:48sugar i continue to struggle with that
0:06:50because every convenience food in the
0:06:52world mostly involves branch i'm not i
0:06:56mean i'm not i don't it's not that I
0:06:57won't eat bread and sugar I just don't
0:06:59want it all the time it's about
0:07:01something it's not all the time food and
0:07:03then well but yeah and it's yeah John's
0:07:06pyramid
0:07:07yeah right but you uh you know the thing
0:07:09is my problem is I forget to eat
0:07:11I've had this for years and it's totally
0:07:14at odds with my family who are snackers
0:07:16sir
0:07:16snackers I mean to eat dinner like a
0:07:18snack and I'm like I'm like I'm like a
0:07:20dad in the 52nd like I want to sit there
0:07:22with the TV train have my Swanson's and
0:07:24like you know
0:07:25yeah yeah so for helping the green but
0:07:27but i want to have stuff around that I
0:07:29can eat quickly that isn't total junk
0:07:31and eggs are eggs have been good to me
0:07:34John
0:07:34mm here's another thing about eggs the
0:07:37people of our generation don't know I
0:07:40ready yeah yeah legs do not need to be
0:07:43refrigerated
0:07:44but you can leave legs out on the
0:07:48counter right all right all right all
0:07:50right you could leave eggs out on the
0:07:51counter
0:07:52I i will take a certain amount of your
0:07:54your unconventional outsider wisdom
0:07:57about things because it does help a lot
0:07:58of people as you see here today you're
0:08:00telling you do not need to refrigerate
0:08:01an egg
0:08:02I'm saying that I mean I'm not saying
0:08:04leave your eggs out on the counter for a
0:08:06month
0:08:07it's not like you live in Florida right
0:08:09but you can put a basket of eggs on the
0:08:11counter for a lot longer than you can
0:08:15put up more than a day or a lot longer
0:08:17you put container of cream on the
0:08:19counter and the eggs are just fun
0:08:22they're just fine where do you stand up
0:08:25butter you leave butter out i do leave
0:08:29you leave butter out on the counter
0:08:31I leave it out on the counter covered in
0:08:34a little butter dish on hot days when I
0:08:38looked down in the butter is clearly
0:08:39softening i'll put it in the fridge to
0:08:43like put it back together my mom is of
0:08:46the my mom has a strong feeling about
0:08:49rancid honest
0:08:51yeah I'm friend my friend dr. Don is
0:08:54always I advising me on these things
0:08:56because there's differences you get
0:08:57spoilage you can get like there's a
0:09:00difference there's different things that
0:09:01happened to food is there isn't one way
0:09:03that food can go bad there's a variety
0:09:04of different ways and fat all fat based
0:09:08foods will get rancid which affects the
0:09:13taste of them huh
0:09:15but not necessarily the edibility you
0:09:17can eat rancid butter
0:09:19yeah it's a bad word it's a bad punk
0:09:22band you if i remember correctly done
0:09:24you've enjoyed living on this particular
0:09:25edge for a long time you your fella who
0:09:28will see some leftover spaghetti and can
0:09:30and just gonna go out it i feel like the
0:09:33I feel like the the the bleeding edge of
0:09:36spoiled food is a place that I'm you
0:09:40know i am the chuck yeager of the sound
0:09:45barrier of eating almost spoiled food if
0:09:49you're out there you get the training at
0:09:51the helmet I can see the curvature of
0:09:53the earth
0:09:54uh-huh I can you know I all I can hear
0:09:56is the sound of my own breath in my
0:09:57helmet and I more than the thing is my
0:10:01you know my mom has this like farm gal
0:10:06wisdom about things that's obviously now
0:10:10transmuted through 50 years of 60 years
0:10:15of city life right like if you were to
0:10:18give my mom a live chicken and let's say
0:10:23thank you for all and you could give her
0:10:26a wallet that through ever mention why
0:10:27still carry it but if you invent for the
0:10:30sake of argument you gave this cyclist
0:10:32in which country gal you get this you
0:10:34get this gal I've chicken if you give
0:10:35her a live chicken in a plastic fork and
0:10:38you say we're hungry
0:10:40would my mom yes she would be able to
0:10:45turn that chicken into a food food
0:10:49quality chicken it wouldn't be pretty
0:10:51uh-huh but she has she has she has
0:10:55knowledge at every step and she has a
0:10:59lack of queasiness and a lack of
0:11:03sentimentality both things is perfectly
0:11:05suited to a live chicken so you know
0:11:07she's seen she's seen she's seen her
0:11:12grandfather killer killer chicken by
0:11:14swinging it around by its head seemed a
0:11:18fish it
0:11:19she's seemed so see it keeps in the old
0:11:23days apparently uh you know you have
0:11:27this image of like granddad with a
0:11:28hatchet on a stump out in the yard
0:11:31uh-huh and you put the chicken on the
0:11:33wii u know you pull the chicken's neck
0:11:35across the stump and you whack it with
0:11:37the hatchet and then you you know and
0:11:40then
0:11:40supposedly right at chicken run around
0:11:44her blood spurting out this is all old
0:11:46world forum imagery that for me that
0:11:48totally rings true
0:11:49yeah here's the chicken years the
0:11:50headless chicken running around in the
0:11:52yard all the kids screaming because it's
0:11:54like it's like turning the training the
0:11:57sprinkler on except it's chicken blood
0:11:59check the sprinkler this is how farm
0:12:02people live
0:12:03yes but according to do any different
0:12:05yeah well you know what do you do you
0:12:07want chicken ya gonna have to make
0:12:09sprinkler one of the amazing things that
0:12:11my mom has told me is that they can't
0:12:13chickens which is to say look like put
0:12:16them up as they say they blew the whole
0:12:18chicken into a jar
0:12:19yeah and then candidate in this in the
0:12:22old-style boil it and then stick a lid
0:12:24on it like a man not a bell jar but I
0:12:26like him not me
0:12:26mason jar containing a canning jar belt
0:12:28it was called you know damn well yeah
0:12:30but not the Belgium but no not only
0:12:33Sylvia Plath chicken
0:12:34yeah we're not gonna bell jar about
0:12:35we're gonna bell jar I wouldn't I
0:12:38wouldn't leave so we applied to the
0:12:39cooking and then you go into the base
0:12:41get out of the kitchen and there's on
0:12:43the wall in the in the larder are all
0:12:46these canned whole chickens chickens in
0:12:48a jar and uncooked well no cooked in the
0:12:52sense that you have to cook it too
0:12:53can I was sure good minutes then you
0:12:56could put but you don't need to
0:12:59you don't need to refrigerate them right
0:13:02because they're pasteurized or something
0:13:04some they're not pasteurized but look in
0:13:06the canning process you have you have
0:13:09eliminated that this might be a good
0:13:10place to just mention in passing that as
0:13:14much as John and I know about many many
0:13:15things before before you go real deeply
0:13:18into storing chicken in a warm room you
0:13:22might want to do your own due diligence
0:13:23on
0:13:24yeah i'm going to assume that there were
0:13:25storytellers work for people haha
0:13:28there's a certain number of people
0:13:30listening to this program will already
0:13:32know all about the right now this down
0:13:33okay so the chicken again getting put in
0:13:36a jar
0:13:36alright well are getting a lot i gotta
0:13:38get larder so-so but she tells the story
0:13:41of her grandfather and I don't
0:13:43understand this I've never quite figured
0:13:44out this is the type of question that
0:13:46I'm so busy taking mental notes when my
0:13:49mom is telling stories that they're
0:13:51there
0:13:52additional questions that I just don't
0:13:54have time to ask because there's so much
0:13:56hate there are so many other questions
0:13:58working down but grandfather her
0:14:02grandfather would take chickens in the
0:14:04basement and chop their heads off and
0:14:07play and so the chicken would run around
0:14:09in the basement with the Bloods burning
0:14:11and the kids all running like yeah well
0:14:15this like headless zombie chicken is is
0:14:17like spraying blood all over the room
0:14:20and it's like why wouldn't you do in the
0:14:21yard that is the question I didn't ask
0:14:24because I was so stunned by this image
0:14:27of like granddad killing changes my
0:14:32great-grandfather killing chickens in
0:14:34the basement and I'm you know in my mind
0:14:37was like what is the it was probably not
0:14:39like a rec room basement i'm guessing
0:14:41it's not a finished basement with bumper
0:14:43pool and Farrah Fawcett poster
0:14:44no no the heart is open light and stuff
0:14:46like that I think it's a classic
0:14:48basement which is full of potatoes them
0:14:53yes get anybody in America the club
0:14:55classic basement it's going to do with a
0:14:58nap I'll are they on shelves are the
0:15:00organized in any way I think that there
0:15:02was there's like a giant bin full of
0:15:05root vegetables okay you get a nap in
0:15:07there's maybe a hopper there's were
0:15:09probably of way in which the coal man
0:15:12can deliver Cole through an outside door
0:15:15and similarly and call the potato man
0:15:17well you're the potato man right in this
0:15:22situation you and I would be potato man
0:15:24but the coal man comes and there's a
0:15:26little door he opens on the side of the
0:15:28house and and cold goes down the coal
0:15:30chute
0:15:31ok into the cold up here upstairs and
0:15:34you're busy cooking channel chicken
0:15:36image are you don't have to be disturbed
0:15:38you to call man
0:15:39yeah that's right here the cold coming
0:15:41down the coal chute he's got he's got
0:15:42he's got like I got a whole truck
0:15:43probably are cool card or a cold Lori
0:15:45yeah i think it's probably cold truck by
0:15:47this point
0:15:48ok and then you've got shelves which are
0:15:53full of jars with chickens and
0:15:57what other what you you are put up
0:16:00applause pleasant people put up some
0:16:02vegetables put a lot of trips
0:16:04well because all of your fruits and
0:16:05vegetables they uh they arrived on the
0:16:08scene when they are ripe and then
0:16:10immediately began writing and you have
0:16:13no there's no grocery where these things
0:16:16are available all year round ship to you
0:16:18from Chile and so you as soon as things
0:16:21are ripe you immediately get this
0:16:23assembly line process where you are
0:16:25putting them in jars so that you can eat
0:16:28them so you can survive the winter
0:16:30ok and this is you know this is post
0:16:32modern society for me to talk about the
0:16:34forties here
0:16:35yeah but you know all around the world
0:16:38people still still doing this because
0:16:42the winter is the hard time and there's
0:16:45no supermarket right so she talks about
0:16:48all this stuff and she and she has a
0:16:50very low opinion of the sort of
0:16:52back-to-the-landers she had a low
0:16:54opinion of the back-to-the-landers in
0:16:55the sixties who were like hippies
0:16:57they're like we're going back to the
0:16:58line foxfire people but she says she has
0:17:01no higher regard for say an artisanal
0:17:03pickles store but that stuff like the
0:17:06twirly moustache stuff
0:17:08yeah her feeling about it is do you know
0:17:10how hard that is
0:17:11you really have no sense of how hard
0:17:13that is no one does that because it's
0:17:15cute
0:17:16maybe like selling at the dolls made out
0:17:17of corn stalks that's not funny i think
0:17:19that's funny to get you well people are
0:17:22doing it i just opened Sunset magazine
0:17:23the other day and they were like ugly
0:17:25corns to call home for sale they're only
0:17:27$425 but I but yeah she's like you know
0:17:31I mean it's cute it's great to have like
0:17:33six chickens and go out and and get eggs
0:17:35from them like that's just adorable but
0:17:38if you are really trying to live off of
0:17:40those chickens your life becomes a like
0:17:44a Hobbesian hellscape very fast
0:17:46uh-huh and then you've got headless
0:17:48chickens running around in your basement
0:17:49and the kids are laughing with glee
0:17:52because it's the only exciting thing
0:17:54that's happened in weeks
0:17:56so outside no she you know she talked
0:18:00about like we would take the wet sheets
0:18:03out and hang them in the in the winter
0:18:06we would hang them on the on the
0:18:08clotheslines the sopping wet sheets
0:18:10because there's no better way to dry
0:18:13them and then you'd go out after a while
0:18:16with a with my co a tennis racket type
0:18:18of whisker whipper if i can afford
0:18:21tension there's a laundry racket laundry
0:18:24racket that's right yeah but yeah they
0:18:26it's not that they couldn't afford a
0:18:27tennis racket but they wouldn't there's
0:18:29no it's not like they're running tennis
0:18:30courts and then word Ohio probably in
0:18:331940 and then so they go and they beat
0:18:35the sheets and the ice would break off
0:18:38and that was how you drive
0:18:41that's how you drive your laundry
0:18:42humidity solo when it's that cold
0:18:44yeah you let the ice freeze and then you
0:18:46break the ice off of it and you know wha
0:18:48huh
0:18:50anyway I didn't mean to I didn't mean to
0:18:52go so far so fast into farm life
0:18:56no no I think you and I know so much
0:18:58about as we do about microwaving eggs
0:19:00and coffee cups but yea different you
0:19:04know
0:19:04also all by way of saying and butter
0:19:08eggs eggs eggs and butter
0:19:11you left him out on the counter and he
0:19:13left a big pot of like lard on the stove
0:19:17whenever you needed to cook an egg you
0:19:20just you didn't use butter huh
0:19:23dip the spoon in the large pot and fry
0:19:26the egg in lard and I think that's
0:19:29something that's been lost we're not
0:19:30even we don't even know what eggs taste
0:19:32like we're not even living because I've
0:19:35had I've had eggs and sometimes in fancy
0:19:39artisanal places but especially in New
0:19:43Zealand in canadia man they know from
0:19:46makes you realize the eggs we get here
0:19:48seem really kind of light yellow now
0:19:52when you get a nice like a dark orange
0:19:54egg look at those like a different egg
0:19:56mmm mmm those new zealand eggs famous
0:20:00well they also got incredible bacon
0:20:03there i mean the bacon is like a TV on
0:20:04Irish bacon it's amazing it's it's like
0:20:07a little big inhale
0:20:08Hamish bacon steak no Hamish bacon I
0:20:11loved his books he was great with a lost
0:20:13aztec camera right Hamish bacon know
0:20:15that was his father ok so mr. don't get
0:20:18me started thinking is my father
0:20:20actually actually actually it's a bacon
0:20:25scenes monster
0:20:26mm uh now i know the Canadians have 40
0:20:29different kinds of bacon is that right
0:20:31yeah four different kinds of bacon
0:20:33they don't call a Canadian bacon
0:20:35obviously just like that silly host
0:20:38today did call them UK Wham
0:20:41yeah in England they do know what about
0:20:44Charlotte Charlotte into a one time I
0:20:46think they were legally required to be
0:20:47charlatans UK that's right and don't
0:20:50know what about dinosaur jr. is that
0:20:51legal illegal they were originally there
0:20:53was some like old band called dinosaur
0:20:55and so they had to call themselves
0:20:56Dinosaur Jr I think with no period
0:20:59yeah I think dinosaur if i recall was
0:21:02like one of those German bands like can
0:21:05or com film festival
0:21:08yeah where they you know it was like
0:21:10rockets but we pop and one your party
0:21:12resisted the balloon guitar
0:21:16yeah yeah I thought it was like a good
0:21:19old hippie band but in any case they
0:21:20were doing
0:21:21that's what the hippies were really
0:21:22doing the hippies were really doing
0:21:24krautrock yeah absolutely not
0:21:27ninety-nine percent of all hippies were
0:21:29actually doing crowd didn't know it John
0:21:31it's pre pre crowd so you're saying this
0:21:34is that it's like guys like calculus
0:21:36like we are just kind of discovered in
0:21:37are we all we all got the motor sound if
0:21:40you're living in like West Virginia you
0:21:42might find yourself playing Crockett not
0:21:43know it might find yourself living in a
0:21:45shotgun Shack who um cheap humans do is
0:21:49annoy sure they're pretty spectacular
0:21:53never listened to I'd ensues grounds it
0:21:55was on salad yeah I mean I 5 i'm aware
0:21:57of them but I was see I don't it's weird
0:22:00it's like to me like like say for
0:22:02example kraftwerk is the kraut rock as
0:22:05nirvana is to grunge where it's one of
0:22:07those things where i go from you really
0:22:08think of that like feels into enough
0:22:10krautrock a craft work doesn't really
0:22:12seem like rock band I think noi and and
0:22:15can are more like lastly what i would
0:22:17consider a crock man yeah i think what
0:22:19you man I don't mean to paraphrase you
0:22:21or
0:22:22to correct you not at all lord knows but
0:22:24a craft work is to krautrock as nirvana
0:22:28is too Punk because Nirvana basically
0:22:30defined groans which didn't exist before
0:22:33i took the acct I never took the SATs so
0:22:35I'm not very good at these things i feel
0:22:38like i've always thought I said to you
0:22:39for years now the thing is like it
0:22:41wasn't even with all this time behind at
0:22:43the time
0:22:44Nirvana sounded nothing to me like the
0:22:46canonical we talked to so many fucking
0:22:48times
0:22:49Nirvanix at the time did not sound to me
0:22:50like other things that were considered
0:22:52grunge when it you know i mean even now
0:22:54you back and listen you're like there's
0:22:56some stuff like the bleach era stuff we
0:22:58go yeah I can kind of see that but
0:22:59they're closer to like a Mudhoney to me
0:23:01dance like closer than they are like a
0:23:03pearl jam but this is the thing google
0:23:06the word grunge and we have talked about
0:23:08this a lot yeah the word grunge was a
0:23:10was a retroactive Appalachian so Nirvana
0:23:15didn't sound like grunge but until
0:23:17Nirvana there was no such thing as
0:23:19crunch right i mean it's not like Mark
0:23:21arm ever describe i mean he actually
0:23:23coined the term but he did it
0:23:25sarcastically
0:23:26it's in some ways not totally dissimilar
0:23:28from the beatles and the british
0:23:30invasion because the British Invasion
0:23:32bands don't sound that much like that
0:23:35for the beatles except for the ones who
0:23:36basically just sound like the Beatles
0:23:38who don't mean like that you do you
0:23:40consider the animals and the kinks let
0:23:42me know animals in the kinks to me are
0:23:43British Invasion bands but like Paul
0:23:45Revere and the Raiders a great band
0:23:47Rory storm in the hurt go storming the
0:23:49Hurricanes 30
0:23:51well you know like what about die toten
0:23:55hosen die toten hosen ah you know see I
0:23:57think that that I'm gonna call that a
0:23:58canary trap i think that might not be a
0:23:59band i think you're testing me die toten
0:24:03hosen huh actually meet saying that make
0:24:05it real
0:24:06it means the dead trousers ok for the
0:24:09deadpan something i don't know you know
0:24:11I don't know if germans call their pants
0:24:13trousers they call him home yet pants
0:24:14underwear chosen chosen this is that the
0:24:18superclass of lower body which covers
0:24:21yeah it's all hosen husband wasn't all
0:24:23that but but die toten hosen literally
0:24:26all the way down foo I toten hosen are
0:24:28the tote toten hosen
0:24:31are you not a professor doesn't mean
0:24:35that apparently dead
0:24:37oh ok and so a advanced advanced
0:24:42placement the dead milkmen and I see
0:24:44other too jokey name
0:24:45yeah but about pans that's a very short
0:24:48name is German things go well and i'm
0:24:50not even sure like you know what what
0:24:51constitutes a joke in german band names
0:24:54I don't have not even sure what day
0:24:56toten hosen are like am but they might
0:24:59even still be a band
0:25:01hi I'm it's like they're the Scorpions
0:25:04of weird funky i'm from German hip-hop
0:25:12maybe i'm not i don't know that much
0:25:13about Daytona knows but I do know that I
0:25:15bet you know more than most people
0:25:16according to google translate die toten
0:25:19hosen translates to the dead pants I'll
0:25:21see you there is that means i have had a
0:25:24Hungarian friend that was Barry into die
0:25:27toten hosen ok and actually traveled
0:25:29around with them but he was I don't
0:25:33think that they have it like a Grateful
0:25:35Dead vibe at all but they do have a
0:25:37Grateful Dead component which is that
0:25:39people travel around with them and sell
0:25:42things in the parking lot at least my
0:25:44friend did and what he sold in the
0:25:47parking lot he had a friend my friend's
0:25:50name was our pod which is a popular
0:25:53Hungarian name him and his friend was
0:25:56named Zoltan an interesting name is a
0:26:00great name and Zoltan actually was a
0:26:03Hungarian living in Romania and Zoltan
0:26:05made magic tricks out of matchboxes that
0:26:11he would sell it was like four kids
0:26:13ready take an aftermarket a matchbox and
0:26:16and and turn into a magic trick
0:26:18yeah exactly like it's a matchbox and
0:26:21then I think it's a thing where because
0:26:23matchboxes still a big industry in
0:26:26Romania and he would make a magic trick
0:26:31out i think it's one of those things
0:26:32where you put a quarter in one side and
0:26:34then you'd close the matchbox and then
0:26:35you'd push it out the other side and
0:26:37like where the quarter go classic type
0:26:39of like here and you'd sell that for a
0:26:41couple of settings or what
0:26:44over at the at the parking lot of the
0:26:46die toten hosen show hmm
0:26:48John word a soundtrack let me see if I
0:26:51can get you hear that
0:26:52ok velvet elvis dressing was out will ya
0:26:57some dude who just have say that that
0:27:00was a google translate lady
0:27:01Oh South the trick double-quick at the
0:27:04Daytona nosin but then our pod didn't do
0:27:08magic tricks he made like little what am
0:27:12I gonna say friendship bracelets know
0:27:13because he he didn't believe in
0:27:15friendship
0:27:16ok something else something harder
0:27:18darker haha oh ok it's like the opposite
0:27:23of of a grand flu nor it's like you are
0:27:27its people you just shouldn't be with
0:27:28its Appetit balloon empty feeling
0:27:31ah latifah loon the people haha so up
0:27:35but we had friendship we believe in
0:27:37friendship the three of us and I never
0:27:40want to die toten hosen concert but i
0:27:42did play many times with the little
0:27:45contraptions that they built out of like
0:27:49kind of found materials people who enjoy
0:27:51die toten hosen they find themselves
0:27:54thinking you know this is a good show
0:27:55i'm having fun as always I a I enjoy
0:27:58hearing this music I could use a key
0:27:59matchbox magic trick
0:28:01yeah you're coming into the show you're
0:28:03going out of the show and you're like
0:28:04sure what am I going to get my young
0:28:06message something for the kids yeah but
0:28:10i also i feel like maybe it was the
0:28:12maybe they were selling those things we
0:28:14had a pretty complicated relationship
0:28:16and I did actually go to a couple of
0:28:18European Ren Faires boy with with these
0:28:23two and they set up a little card table
0:28:26and we're selling their wares at the ren
0:28:29faire so it was it was a thing that they
0:28:32did kind of a circuit and while they
0:28:34were selling their stuff i kinda just
0:28:37like it wandering around the ren faire
0:28:39it's not so much about whether it's
0:28:41precisely suitable for the topic of a
0:28:44given event it's more like how you are
0:28:47able to sell things
0:28:48yeah right like we have these things we
0:28:50need money
0:28:51we actually don't have these things we
0:28:54are going to make these things in order
0:28:55to make enough money to
0:28:57go to the Daytona nose and shows little
0:29:01came around to by Ramones themed
0:29:04clothing items
0:29:05ok which were also popular at least with
0:29:07our pod as all tendon he wasn't into the
0:29:11remotes the same ok ok anyway so yeah we
0:29:14traveled together for a little while I
0:29:16went to a couple of Ren Faires heard a
0:29:18lot of stories about the you know the
0:29:21like heavy metal parking lot
0:29:24alternate life that they would lead but
0:29:27I didn't have any first-hand experience
0:29:30with it i did try to meet our pod
0:29:32outside of Vienna one time for a
0:29:34Metallica concert and when we arrived at
0:29:36the site of the metallica concert there
0:29:39was no one there giant empty field I was
0:29:42coming from one direction he was coming
0:29:44from the other we met at the appointed
0:29:47time I said what the fuck i spent a lot
0:29:52of time and effort getting to this field
0:29:53there's no Metallica concert here and he
0:29:56said it was cancelled like a month ago
0:29:59oh no but neither one of us had any way
0:30:03of contacting the other one he came
0:30:05anyway
0:30:06well but he didn't know either oh so
0:30:09there was no way if one of us had known
0:30:11we could contact the other but
0:30:12apparently there was also no way to know
0:30:14that this thing had been canceled
0:30:16because we have this was pre cellphone
0:30:19is a simple simple country ways so we
0:30:22just were like you know riding our
0:30:24little horse carts or whatever too this
0:30:25field what you do instead the jam we
0:30:28went to we went back to Vienna we hung
0:30:31out a and there was a there was actually
0:30:34a summer concert in vienna on one of the
0:30:40little islands that are in the middle of
0:30:42the sort of old Danube because you know
0:30:45they channeled the Danube a long time
0:30:49ago and made it into a giant sort of
0:30:52super fast moving death canal
0:30:55oh really yeah but you have a lot of
0:30:58meetings to do something like that
0:31:00well see the Austrians were really good
0:31:01at that stuff they were tall hat mmm
0:31:03very tall boots and they were like what
0:31:06but you know the reason that Vienna is
0:31:08where
0:31:09is let me not just I don't want to just
0:31:12go completely he was helping you get
0:31:13some context because I don't you just
0:31:15gotta I got nowhere with how the dangers
0:31:18got rerouted i mentioned a lot of
0:31:19meetings you get cultural significance
0:31:20to get you can have to have some
0:31:22geographers in right you get songs about
0:31:24right right you got some-some probably
0:31:27of volcanologist well so here's the
0:31:29Danube okay i see it ok alright start it
0:31:32starts up in Germany that's under comes
0:31:34down okay and it gets to this sort of
0:31:37plane where Vienna is now and it's sort
0:31:41of the mountains are over here the other
0:31:43mountains are over here but there's this
0:31:45big wide flat plane and the Danube like
0:31:47went spider doubt into a huge sort of
0:31:52Delta but you know it's nowhere near its
0:31:55headwaters nowhere near the mouth of it
0:31:57so it's not a delta like you would like
0:32:00the Mississippi Delta where the Blues
0:32:02were formed right it's just a big
0:32:05styling Klaus does blouse
0:32:08it's a dozen ecp blouse a it's a it's
0:32:14just an area where the river separates
0:32:17out into a thousand little rivulets and
0:32:20a big swampy morass yeah and so that's
0:32:24no place for a guitar swampy morass well
0:32:26known in that particular one
0:32:28oh I see what you're saying so it's not
0:32:29so there's no Viennese blues what kind
0:32:31of others a Viennese blues then also
0:32:34they don't have any black people there i
0:32:35don't think a soccer tort is what the
0:32:38big event Viennese blues soccer I see is
0:32:41a Vietnamese no no I think at siena
0:32:43calling me a call ok sit Germany up here
0:32:47you got this guy over here
0:32:48that's right though in the olden times
0:32:50as you're traveling around the Danube
0:32:52would be a very difficult river to get
0:32:54across this very large river but here it
0:32:57its it like spread out into this wide
0:33:01swampy area and it enabled you to get
0:33:05across it because i had to do was get
0:33:07across this little river and then that
0:33:09little river
0:33:10so it was a it was a place that even
0:33:14though it was a kind of swampy pestilent
0:33:16place it was a spot that you could you
0:33:19and your camp train could get across the
0:33:21river so Vienna was situated there as a
0:33:26sort of like this was a trading
0:33:27crossroads and then as the Austrians
0:33:30really gathered themselves into the
0:33:32uniform wearing giant cement eagle
0:33:36building Empire people of of much later
0:33:40who they were like we did we no longer
0:33:42want a pestilence swamp here and so they
0:33:46channeled they channeled and channeled
0:33:48and channel the Danube isn't this in
0:33:50twentieth-century no prior to the 20th
0:33:52century no kidding
0:33:54they were doing this work a long channel
0:33:55channel channel sounds like a lot of
0:33:57work in that in the 19th century i might
0:33:59it was it started even before that Kenny
0:34:02yeah they were saying like let's get
0:34:04this river into some kind of ship shape
0:34:07and as a channel that of course the
0:34:10river became deep and fast moving but
0:34:14that wasn't their problem and then all
0:34:17the little spidery Little rivers that
0:34:20used to make up the Danube wide spot
0:34:23became little ponds longfin pawns who
0:34:29and on one of the islands in the middle
0:34:32of one of those ponds are pot and I
0:34:34happened upon wait for it
0:34:36sheryl crow concert
0:34:39yeah she was playing with a oh what what
0:34:50why do I one is it is it a band or
0:34:52artist did that we would know
0:34:53yes it's joe cocker Congress opening for
0:34:57sheryl crow know Joe Cocker and chokro
0:34:59were somehow playing together everything
0:35:00co-headlining I think Cheryl might have
0:35:03been opening for Joe but they were
0:35:04playing together okay here onstage at
0:35:07the same time it was a great sound
0:35:08unusual things just kind of run into it
0:35:11was you and the only way that we've been
0:35:14we were walking along and there was
0:35:16music playing and you know that's like
0:35:17austria in the summer people are out
0:35:20nude sunbathing you
0:35:22huh unicycling and all the things they
0:35:24do that for many people love to walk
0:35:26they are big big big walkers and nude
0:35:30they like to walk nude
0:35:32yeah they're nudes there you know if you
0:35:35are you familiar with the concept of a
0:35:36never-nude I just from a TV program
0:35:39that's not a real thing that i sent ya
0:35:41know you have never knew that's
0:35:44different from Mormons from sorry
0:35:46latter-day church Saints better day
0:35:47Saints scientists different states same
0:35:50same just yeah there are no no that's a
0:35:53different thing they have special
0:35:54underwear as we know you're not just
0:35:56making it to spice folk a joke
0:35:58no never nudes are kind of people I'm
0:36:03sure there are some never news listening
0:36:04to our program who just never want never
0:36:08will ever let anyone else ever see them
0:36:10nude never-nude ever announced never no
0:36:13never no never no never needs yeah yeah
0:36:15and but I mean they did their part of
0:36:16the quiet quietly part of the the
0:36:18lifestyle
0:36:19yeah it's a thing where is it a
0:36:21lifestyle John might be normative mmm I
0:36:23don't think that this is the thing about
0:36:24never nudes my senses that they do not
0:36:26congregate oh so they're never knew
0:36:29never knew then that solitude never
0:36:32never need solitude never-nude solitude
0:36:34I think that it is possible that you
0:36:35could go on several dates with somebody
0:36:38can come up and it would never come up
0:36:41and then you're like you know what I
0:36:43love you
0:36:44if this is I'm talk about old times sure
0:36:46you would say I love you to somebody
0:36:47that you've never taking their clothes
0:36:49off and they would say i love you too
0:36:52and you would say let's get married and
0:36:53they would say great you'd say I think
0:36:56we should save ourselves for marriage
0:36:57and they would say I agree and then you
0:36:59would get married and then you would be
0:37:01in your wedding bed and you would try to
0:37:02take off their blouse or there or that
0:37:06their knickers their hosen their hoes in
0:37:08you would grab the hose and try and pull
0:37:11them off and the other person would say
0:37:12ah i do not take off the hose and we
0:37:15need to have the talk and then you're
0:37:17like whoa i just got I just like God
0:37:21invested in the thing i didn't even know
0:37:22what they thought about I never knew no
0:37:24poke never needed that's right never
0:37:26knew the polk huh
0:37:27and so I don't know at that point I
0:37:29don't know enough about never needs to
0:37:31know like wow they do other things
0:37:35poop like for example good and want
0:37:38something classic examples like if you
0:37:40find yourself very attracted to somebody
0:37:42who had a very different diet than you
0:37:44for example if you are ravenous
0:37:46carnivore and you fall in love with a
0:37:48man who's a vegan like that's going to
0:37:50come up with in the first probably the
0:37:53first date the first time you spend any
0:37:54time together you're going to think oh
0:37:56yeah well for example like i read an
0:37:58article recently about how many
0:37:59relationships are quietly troubled by
0:38:01how much the people hate the TV shows
0:38:03the other person watches me to hold the
0:38:06whole classic like do I get the remote
0:38:07thing but there's a lot apparently you
0:38:09know I'm saying these are the kinds of
0:38:10things that in today's society will come
0:38:12up in this case you're saying and never
0:38:13nude walk to the altar and then and then
0:38:16later on in the next day or two if
0:38:18there's a big reveal which is that there
0:38:20won't be a reveal right so I think if
0:38:22you are somebody who if you're somebody
0:38:25who's like let's leave the lights off
0:38:26when you're having you know special time
0:38:30convivial relations especially again
0:38:32olden times right that's that was
0:38:34considered okay and normal
0:38:35well but there weren't lights right the
0:38:37Sun went down and it was time to do a
0:38:39little thing and if the moonlight was
0:38:41coming in the window
0:38:42it's not like you're gonna light a
0:38:43candle in order to in order to make
0:38:45whoopee candles expensive cameras are
0:38:47expensive
0:38:49based on these two separate on fire
0:38:50there's a kind of knowing i learned this
0:38:52week is a kind of New England bird that
0:38:54went extinct almost went instinct just
0:38:56because the cheapest way you could like
0:38:58basically tear that again with the head
0:38:59tearing each other head out this thing
0:39:01you put a we can set the house on fire
0:39:02no good soil or whatever it was
0:39:04equivalent again you know you should
0:39:06check this out before you do it on your
0:39:07own don't you go kill a bird and set on
0:39:08fire but apparently yeah that's the
0:39:11thing and it because just specifically
0:39:12because candles were so expensive
0:39:14would the goose remain on its feet we
0:39:17can get along the ground like like like
0:39:19a goose rumba
0:39:20well I don't know if it would keep
0:39:21walking but like let's let's picture a
0:39:23goose tell you something I get what
0:39:25you're saying if you get in the right
0:39:26position before you tear the head off
0:39:28you might have a nice table lamp yeah
0:39:29like a litem wow it's like you know
0:39:32taxidermy needs meat practical lighting
0:39:34you know what I feel like three up and
0:39:36three issues of Sunset magazine from now
0:39:37we're going to see an artisanal goose
0:39:39land
0:39:41this episode of Roderick on the line is
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0:41:28supporting Roderick lost it may not be
0:41:31made out of a real group just carve the
0:41:34goose out of wax yes
0:41:36ya know anyway so we where we know where
0:41:39the sheryl crow concert in on the danube
0:41:42well i'm wondering when you were first
0:41:45beginning to know others typically in
0:41:50there altogether in the biblical sense
0:41:52were you and what were you in a dark
0:41:54room
0:41:55the this is awkward
0:41:59dr. heard how dark was well okay i mean
0:42:02i could think specifically of you know
0:42:05what to say i'm gonna say in the
0:42:07important first touches it was almost
0:42:10always in a in a dark place not least
0:42:13because there was not a place for you
0:42:16know 14 year old kids 15 year old kids
0:42:18to go to do these things so you have to
0:42:19drink et al in the movie years
0:42:23yeah so one of the first times I was
0:42:25ever visited upon was during ET this
0:42:27isn't a thing where you cut a hole in
0:42:28the bottom of popcorn that's a whole
0:42:31next level kind of thing up
0:42:33I you know that that died gotta tell you
0:42:35that feels like I I don't want the real
0:42:36this that feels gonna admit to me that I
0:42:38don't understand logistical e how you
0:42:40pull that off with any butterly pull
0:42:43well I mean setting aside the hot butter
0:42:47like how do you get a hole in a possible
0:42:50so don't set aside the hot butter the
0:42:51hot butter is a key i like I mean just
0:42:53the very the very mechanics of like
0:42:55imagine doing literally anything in the
0:42:57world with your dick out in a movie and
0:43:00somebody not noticing it but also also
0:43:02by the way I have to get a popcorn
0:43:03container and put a hole in it that
0:43:05seems that seems you know that seems to
0:43:07me like the lady doth protest too much
0:43:09that feels like one of those maybe that
0:43:10just got just like fucking popcorn I
0:43:12think anyone that woman to watch there's
0:43:14probably a German name for that I almost
0:43:16certainly there is i don't know the
0:43:18germinating popcorn and pop cuckold i
0:43:21think that there was there is a kind of
0:43:23adolescent horniness
0:43:25yes that you know we all have a very
0:43:28different version of adolescent
0:43:30horniness from extremely adolescent
0:43:32horny too
0:43:33not at all yeah let's be honest but
0:43:36there's this sort of Philip wrong and i
0:43:38have a neil simon play style of nineteen
0:43:42forties adolescents Coney Island
0:43:46horniness
0:43:47oh yeah sure you know where you're just
0:43:49trying to get there is no sec there's no
0:43:52possibility of like sexual gratification
0:43:54except by doing these like weird i mean
0:43:59i think putting your yeah and for those
0:44:01of us who were those of you listening
0:44:03who aren't going forward talking about
0:44:05isn't it has seen Porky's or something
0:44:07like that where that
0:44:08no where you cut a hole in the bottom of
0:44:09your popcorn container and I can see it
0:44:11happening you get into the theater
0:44:13you're sitting next to your date got
0:44:15pocketknife and suddenly ball he pulled
0:44:18a knife in the movie but you've got the
0:44:20popcorn sitting on your lap she's
0:44:22watching the movie
0:44:23this is your entire thing makes
0:44:24absolutely no sense the idea is you
0:44:26here's here's the thing here's the
0:44:27problem statement you go to a movie with
0:44:29the young lady and you wanted to touch
0:44:30your dick so what you have to do well
0:44:32obviously you have to trick her into
0:44:34touching your dick so the notion is you
0:44:36get like a gentleman you bring in a
0:44:39boxes can be a bag it's going to be a
0:44:41box of popcorn right also you know a tub
0:44:43it's a tub
0:44:44okay you're crashing top of topic or you
0:44:47bought a tub of you on top of the movies
0:44:49lately they are big enough it was done
0:44:52ok ok let's get so let's just get
0:44:54through this so because it's important
0:44:56to understand what we're talking about
0:44:57so the idea was number one you want a
0:44:59lady to touch your dick and number two
0:45:01he have to trick her into it you know
0:45:04she's going to be thrilled to
0:45:05accidentally touch your dick for a
0:45:06little bit of a second
0:45:08so what you do is you get your popcorn
0:45:09container in this and we're not saying
0:45:11this is a good or bad thing this is just
0:45:12historical reporting yeah I child say
0:45:15the same thing about like cutting the
0:45:17chicken's head off in the basement
0:45:18absolutely try this at home where
0:45:20journalists and so the notion is you cut
0:45:22a dick sized hole and remember you're
0:45:24probably well your teen interesting
0:45:26might be erect but I think it's
0:45:27important to remember that you're
0:45:28nervous while you're doing this you
0:45:30might not be a wreck you might have a
0:45:31little acorn of a man sitting there I
0:45:33just people i think it really i think it
0:45:34is predicated on the fact that you have
0:45:37a enough teenage horny and I so many
0:45:39problems with this that you are erect
0:45:40all the time ok alright fine but take it
0:45:42as read
0:45:43alright let me continue your honor
0:45:45because go let's talk about this let me
0:45:47be the prosecuting attorney for looks in
0:45:49popcorn let's just presume that even the
0:45:51thought of doing your honor we was
0:45:53excitedly we will stipulate that the
0:45:55young man had an extremely erect penis
0:45:57and we'll even assume for the sake of
0:45:58argument it's just extremely erect small
0:46:03in length and narrow in circumference
0:46:06penis
0:46:06I don't know how you can say that
0:46:08because I want to make this easy on your
0:46:09honor this game I could walk away from
0:46:11this case i don't even III could do this
0:46:13with one dick hot tied behind my back
0:46:14I'm telling you your honor point of
0:46:16order yes you there there are a lot of
0:46:18different sizes of male members there's
0:46:21a lot don't differ
0:46:21Joe Katie as well as we're reporting
0:46:23this how we can how we can speculate
0:46:25i'll make this time I'll make this case
0:46:27with any dick so you got your get your
0:46:29tablet take it
0:46:30let's say let's say you get a nice
0:46:31relatively rigid but cuttable tub of
0:46:36popcorn so what a dick shaped hole in it
0:46:39could be any straight pool but this will
0:46:41help but it's at least big enough to
0:46:43accommodate a dick
0:46:44that's right so you somehow manage let's
0:46:47say let's say you should fly and you're
0:46:49wearing haynes so you're somehow able to
0:46:51get this giant dick of yours out of your
0:46:53pants without anybody noticing is better
0:46:56than erect penis is helping you along
0:46:58the way
0:46:58all right side if you only have to reach
0:47:00in there and like find it so now trying
0:47:02to get out you got a hard-on you got
0:47:04some popcorn
0:47:05you got a pen nice you've got a dickhole
0:47:07and now you somehow are able to
0:47:09manipulate your erect een penis into the
0:47:11food
0:47:12listen you are making this sound
0:47:13difficult i could do this right now you
0:47:16are you thought you could do it right
0:47:17now I could pull a penknife off out if I
0:47:20had a tub of popcorn
0:47:22I could I could very subtly look we're
0:47:24watching a movie right there is not your
0:47:26honor point of personal preference i
0:47:28know that John wears fancy internet
0:47:30underwear that has silver threads in it
0:47:32that do not accommodate a dickhole intro
0:47:34it's true if you have to print way down
0:47:36you're wearing Levi's five ones which
0:47:38have buttons your honor
0:47:39alright alright alright I mean it's not
0:47:41but it's not like it's everyone your
0:47:43honor i'm not saying this is never got
0:47:45some part of the the thrill is the
0:47:47effort
0:47:47okay fair enough i stipulate the point
0:47:50so anyway now you've managed to get your
0:47:52dick into the popcorn dickhole right and
0:47:56then you just wait you wait like a
0:47:58panther behind a log and precisely the
0:48:00same theory as a cigarette load okay you
0:48:03know what is it going to show me what
0:48:05you got to go getting you gotta do when
0:48:07they're not there and then just be
0:48:08patient
0:48:09it might not be that cigarette might be
0:48:1010 cigarettes from now that's right you
0:48:11stick the cigarette load deep into the
0:48:14cigarette purple hopefully you have a
0:48:16paperclip or you emptied that the
0:48:18tobacco out halfway down and you stick
0:48:20this cigarette loading then you fill the
0:48:22tobacco back up and then you put the
0:48:23cigarette back in the victims back and
0:48:27then you wait then you ate and sometimes
0:48:29you wait in the waiting room is afoot
0:48:31it was a foot and you have you have just
0:48:34added
0:48:35the extra wrinkle of not being able to
0:48:38borrow a cigarette from this person and
0:48:40also know you don't know which one it is
0:48:42that's right so you can't say like can i
0:48:44bum a smoke you've just eliminated one
0:48:46of the people at the table from your
0:48:48smoke borrowing racket and you're
0:48:51waiting I'm just waiting for this person
0:48:53to pull that cigarette out not notice
0:48:55that it's been monkeyed with light it
0:48:57and then smoked half of it before the
0:48:59cigarette explodes hilariously so it's
0:49:02the same like once the dick is in the
0:49:04popcorn yeah you're waiting
0:49:07the thrill is in the weight it's in
0:49:09their weight but I i'm also going to get
0:49:11there you're not eating popcorn anymore
0:49:14well you're not gonna eat your own
0:49:15corner yeah so now you get this this
0:49:17poor woman who's there with you and
0:49:19pretending to be interested in you to
0:49:20begin with
0:49:21she then says well maybe as a diversion
0:49:23while we're enjoying the trailer for
0:49:24this program I I'll have a little bit
0:49:26popcorn and so she grabs and so how do
0:49:29how do most teenage girls eat popcorn
0:49:31little bit on you grab one or two maybe
0:49:33you put 434 in your hand like a little
0:49:35bowl so basically you've got half a cup
0:49:38of popcorn out of this entire bucket
0:49:42mm how long is it gonna take cuz you
0:49:45have you ever like youryour what's your
0:49:46fifteen-year-old girl on a date
0:49:48are you gonna fucking dive your hand
0:49:50into the shared bucket of popcorn i
0:49:53agree that you're not and find a
0:49:54glancing dick i agree that you're not i
0:49:56think i think there are a lot of
0:49:57problems with this case here it's gonna
0:49:59take a long time but by the waiting is
0:50:01the hardest part if you know what I mean
0:50:02that's right and here is the thing
0:50:03here's the thing that you're not taking
0:50:05into consideration which is that and as
0:50:08soon as she understands what's happening
0:50:10she's going to run out of the theater
0:50:12it's going to be a terrible experience
0:50:13right but what you are doing as a
0:50:16teenage boy is creating something that
0:50:20you will revisit sort of like Ted Bundy
0:50:22I get it you may email ad into a vest
0:50:26this is where the Coney Island horniness
0:50:27comes in new guys because you're looking
0:50:29for something like to use this word i
0:50:31think it's an ugly old word but you want
0:50:33something that is perverse your it's the
0:50:36same not dissimilar from guys who like
0:50:39to expose themselves there are guys you
0:50:41on the subway and a guy with his dick
0:50:43out on the train like why would you do
0:50:44that
0:50:45like why do you have to masturbate right
0:50:46now well he's actually he's he's back
0:50:48and up some imagery is part of it right
0:50:50he likes the shock of somebody seeing
0:50:52his Johnson on the train because you're
0:50:55ready to relay this album by the way
0:50:56Johnson on the train but in this case
0:50:58it's like someone came ride out on the
0:51:03trail no good and the shock in the eyes
0:51:06the shocking the eyes was so surprised
0:51:09I've I told you I told you write about
0:51:11about the guy that I was sitting at my
0:51:13newsstand
0:51:14you better not you better not be
0:51:15changing the subject away from the dick
0:51:17corn no I'm not alright i was so staying
0:51:19at the newsstand in my old job at the
0:51:21knees
0:51:21i sat on a slightly raised platform
0:51:23behind the cash register and read
0:51:25magazines about like a quilt thing and
0:51:29model training and foreign affairs and I
0:51:33was sitting up there the cash she was
0:51:35not a busy day people were there was
0:51:36somebody over here reading vice make her
0:51:38nose pre-prepared they were reading and
0:51:40might bite might might buy all that
0:51:43might buy in computer magazine
0:51:45what was the prio 2600 the hacker Megan
0:51:48what was the what was the premix weenies
0:51:51one night I was that might but the
0:51:54daybreakers one that was really good
0:51:55night on that long ago that was a great
0:51:57why don't you want riffic the one where
0:51:58they said that what was it not corey
0:52:01feldman but they started the rumor that
0:52:03somebody died
0:52:04somebody died sunday night it wasn't
0:52:06corey feldman it was like oh it's Donna
0:52:08Donna Donna Gabbana boot Luce Danny
0:52:10Bonaduce ug Danny Bonaduce view and at
0:52:14each issue was so lovingly designed like
0:52:18the layout was gorgeous
0:52:20I should have had a subscription but I
0:52:21didn't because I worked in a magazine I
0:52:23learned my lesson I learned my lesson
0:52:24three different times with Harper's yeah
0:52:26with the Atlantic my problem is I soon
0:52:28as I get the subscription
0:52:29by the time the next issue arrives I'm
0:52:31not interested whereas if I have to go
0:52:33to the newsstand and buy enjoy it a lot
0:52:35more
0:52:36yeah I think you're right i think you I
0:52:37agree and that was part of the business
0:52:39model of having a new state so you're on
0:52:41the stand so I'm sitting there
0:52:42understand i'm reading a magazine
0:52:43yeah the guy walks in walks up to the
0:52:46stand he says can I ask you a question
0:52:48and I said yeah course that's what I'm
0:52:50here for
0:52:51I was pretty sarcastic working at the
0:52:52newsstand sure kind of famously a guy
0:52:54came in one time kind of in a hurry and
0:52:56he was like you got the local paper here
0:52:58and I looked up from the magazine i was
0:53:00reading at the time and I said
0:53:02very slowly what kind of a newsstand
0:53:05would we be if we didn't have the local
0:53:08paper and he said was his response he
0:53:12said thanks for making me feel like an
0:53:14asshole turn around stormed out and
0:53:19about three years later i was involved
0:53:21in a group of people who and I can talk
0:53:24about this now but we would we would
0:53:27dress all in black and climb up in the
0:53:30middle of the night and deface
0:53:31billboards
0:53:33oh you're a culture jammer yeah what
0:53:35culture jamming that's right we have
0:53:36this whole thing where we would look at
0:53:38billboard's a man we would print out a
0:53:41new words in the same font and we would
0:53:45get up and wheat paste so that the so
0:53:48that the the like the heartbeat of
0:53:51America Chevy the heartbeat of America
0:53:54truck ad would say you know I have a
0:53:57small penis
0:53:59nice you know some real culture jam and
0:54:01sure nobody's gonna see that coming
0:54:03right so i was in a group of these
0:54:04people and one of my fellow culture
0:54:06jammers was talking to me and you know
0:54:09we do we tried to use only code names
0:54:11ah nice case we were busted but he was
0:54:14like where do I know you from and i said
0:54:17i work at the newsstand and he said oh
0:54:18one time I went in there and and that
0:54:22guy that works in the middle of the day
0:54:24was like what kind of a newsstand we be
0:54:26if we did a little paper and I was like
0:54:28fuck you man and stormed out i never go
0:54:30in that place anymore and I was like oh
0:54:32shit that was me but I didn't say
0:54:33anything
0:54:34whoo boy that I know that guy he's a
0:54:36real i was like you're gonna have to
0:54:37give up a lot of yourself for the cause
0:54:39and things like that
0:54:40well that's the thing you know it's I
0:54:43didn't want to say like yeah now you
0:54:45know who i am i'm the midday guy we were
0:54:48all wearing Paula Clavers or whatever
0:54:50but anyway so this guy this and he says
0:54:55do you have a do you have any magazines
0:54:59about diapers and I kind of looked up
0:55:07from my the magazine's readers like what
0:55:09do you mean because we had a lot of
0:55:10magazines about stuff right like well
0:55:14I'm really
0:55:15magazine store you go to let the craft
0:55:17section and you're gonna find just like
0:55:18a magazine about baskets yeah we have
0:55:20four different magazines about being a
0:55:22ham radio operator we had so many
0:55:24magazines about baskets and figurines
0:55:27and just every kind of thing and I'm
0:55:31like huh
0:55:32there's a magazine about diapers let me
0:55:33think about that what would that be so
0:55:35I'm like what is that everything is it a
0:55:37parenting thing is that an environmental
0:55:39thing I'm like tell me more and he's
0:55:40like oh you know like like diapers like
0:55:43a poopypants somewhere and I said
0:55:47say what now and he said and he gets
0:55:50this like he gets literally a
0:55:52shit-eating grin on his face and he goes
0:55:54poopy pants like poopy poopy diaper
0:55:58diaper baby diaper baby and I was like
0:56:01get the fuck out of my store and he's
0:56:04just so proud of himself now I all he
0:56:08said yeah he's quick to you he did and
0:56:11he's about you know 30 years old and
0:56:14he's and then as he as he backs up
0:56:16he's not like turning and running he's
0:56:18backing up from my thing and I'm
0:56:19standing now like get out of here you
0:56:22pervert and he's wearing diapers song
0:56:24his pants you can see that his pants are
0:56:27bulging from his diapers and he's like
0:56:29poopy pants poop in style baby diaper
0:56:31baby not like and I come around you know
0:56:34now i'm down off my thing and I'm like
0:56:36get out of here and you know and i'm
0:56:39laughing right and he's laughing but he
0:56:41is laughing because this is the most fun
0:56:44he's had all day
0:56:45he's a bad boy he is a very bad boy and
0:56:48he's about to go get a spanking from
0:56:50himself but this episode of Roderick on
0:56:54the line is brought to you in part by
0:56:56Casper to learn more about Casper right
0:56:58now please visit Casper calm /
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0:57:50to understand how Casper's different you
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0:57:56huge detail but i can tell you tell you
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0:58:52that's Casper's razor can go look it up
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0:59:24that's a that's a freebie they can run
0:59:25with that I'm just an idea guy got a
0:59:28Casper dot-com / super trainer thanks to
0:59:30Casper for all the great night sleep and
0:59:34for supporting Roderick online she's
0:59:36gonna think about this diaper baby
0:59:37poopypants conversation for a month and
0:59:40a half
0:59:40he's gonna get himself something to cry
0:59:41about
0:59:42he might still be thinking about you
0:59:44know and he just loved the idea that
0:59:46like he was transgressing yes and this
0:59:51is this is the whole dirtiness thing you
0:59:53can look at the coney island harness as
0:59:55you said which is that you
0:59:57the fact that is like a dirty bad wrong
0:59:59thing
0:59:59thing
1:00:00part of the sexy so I think you I mean
1:00:02at length I though I think you scored
1:00:04some points here for the side of penis
1:00:06in the popcorn
1:00:07well thank you can come out and look
1:00:10really great has your dog bite you bet
1:00:13your ass she does everything mean who
1:00:16yeah except it would be in coney island
1:00:18would be like purple but particularly
1:00:21I'm you know using the pop problem take
1:00:24it up there ok alright so you're so I I
1:00:27knew you so the you sound like you feel
1:00:29like the air in my logic is i'm assuming
1:00:30that this boy was a legitimate handjob
1:00:33yeah he's not trying to get off right
1:00:35then he's trying to get off later it's
1:00:37gonna be at best a glancing blow
1:00:39yeah and she was also you ever get
1:00:40popcorn stuck in your teeth you don't
1:00:42think about the underside of his
1:00:43Colonels feels like you want that on
1:00:44your glands but you weren't for that
1:00:46every American you don't even you don't
1:00:47even care no so but I'm wondering now
1:00:51that you would you don't know you
1:00:52brought this up whether the never nudes
1:00:55actually there's something dirty about
1:00:58it for them at least I never show my
1:01:01self and so therefore like I'm the one
1:01:06that's a little bit transgressive wow oh
1:01:10do you think how couples are decoupled
1:01:13do you think it is from other kinds of
1:01:16sexy things like is it something where
1:01:18they are like a on the bell curve they
1:01:21are a 50th percentile American sex
1:01:24person except for the fact that they
1:01:26never take all the clothes off or is it
1:01:29on the one hand are they are the super
1:01:30prudish on this Emma and I thought maybe
1:01:31I mean to digital about this
1:01:33are they super prudish which is what it
1:01:34kind of feels like it's easy take on
1:01:36this or are they actually super fucking
1:01:38weird and they've actually got like a
1:01:40robot parts down there because that's
1:01:41the thing i don't know you people are so
1:01:44weird people are real
1:01:45the thing is and the more you learn it
1:01:47doesn't get better you know that's what
1:01:50you all as soon as you think you
1:01:51understand people you will find that
1:01:53there's already a community people that
1:01:55you did that you know don't understand
1:01:56even more
1:01:57yeah yeah and they but but but it feels
1:02:00like there are certain subcultures where
1:02:02everyone it within that subculture does
1:02:05not recognize that they are part of a
1:02:06subculture like they every one of them
1:02:09is a rogue agent
1:02:11you know like never nudes by definition
1:02:13are probably not going to publicize that
1:02:16fact about them
1:02:17yeah just thinking that like you really
1:02:18think about like what's normal and
1:02:20what's not a lot of stuff that's not
1:02:21normal is because you can become
1:02:23perversity anna karenina you can become
1:02:25perverse in your own way because you're
1:02:27doing it in solitude you're finding some
1:02:28special thing that makes this is extra
1:02:30special dirty thing that's just your
1:02:32spin on it or if you dig in a room with
1:02:34a lot of garden-variety perversity
1:02:35Michael what's wrong with this guy
1:02:36yeah like I think they're probably
1:02:38remember your fucking the corned beef
1:02:40wrong
1:02:41yes exactly right if you I mean so for
1:02:44instance like here's I'm thinking now
1:02:46I'm trying to put my myself into the
1:02:48mindset of never help
1:02:50ok alright we want to go too far we're
1:02:51gonna get to know people ain't it like
1:02:53liver cutlets and stuff like what you
1:02:55would like for instance i would think
1:02:57I'll get a union suit and then i will so
1:03:03the union suit right there is plenty of
1:03:05excuse because you're going to you know
1:03:08if your if your partner is not down or
1:03:12is just sort of tolerating never
1:03:14nudeness a union suit would would allow
1:03:17you to say like oh I can't sorry i can't
1:03:19take it off because it's one single
1:03:21garment know but it's got a flap like a
1:03:23cartoon got a flap right and you could
1:03:25have you could you could like that but
1:03:27things not a problem
1:03:29well or you could you could arrange a
1:03:30front flap so they're going to be
1:03:33they're gonna get you never knew that
1:03:34have that have sex specific garments
1:03:38yeah and then they're going to be others
1:03:40that are like you know that are slapping
1:03:42the hand away i mean i don't i don't
1:03:44know exactly how each person would do it
1:03:46but I do feel like it's a thing that
1:03:47that now that we're talking about it if
1:03:49there are any never news listening to
1:03:51the program which almost certainly there
1:03:52are the conventional statistically would
1:03:55have to come on yeah they can feel like
1:03:56oh i'm a member of a of a of over
1:03:59existing subculture and maybe I should
1:04:01go online and try and meet up with some
1:04:03other never nude or at least connect
1:04:05with them on on a usenet group
1:04:08well I I don't mean to be honest I want
1:04:11to prove apologize i don't need to be
1:04:13whatever normative heteronormative new
1:04:16normative I'm not trying to shame
1:04:17anybody I just thought that was a joke
1:04:19from arrested development
1:04:20I didn't know that that was a real thing
1:04:21yeah well you know night
1:04:24badly about it the only reason I know
1:04:25about it is that I know never-nude you
1:04:28do not
1:04:29yes i do it boy no oh she's a shy
1:04:33Michigan she down to clown
1:04:36she says she's she I think that in her
1:04:40description of herself she would say
1:04:42that shyness was a factor but in the
1:04:45rest of life she is no buddies Patsy em
1:04:50like she's a that's that's a saucy gal
1:04:52yeah she's a deal driving uh you know
1:04:55she's at the wheel
1:04:57you know what I'm saying is that right
1:04:58but she's just like you know what long
1:05:00time ago i just decided that I would but
1:05:03nobody was ever gonna see me so never
1:05:05nude and I was like that's a strong
1:05:09stand and now it has set in motion this
1:05:14clockwork if you will this deus ex
1:05:18mashina who is another great Smith's
1:05:21album where I'm where I'm trying to like
1:05:25get put it all together like what's
1:05:27sounds this trying to trying to get into
1:05:30a birthday suit situation is it has the
1:05:32challenge
1:05:33well no no I'm not saying that I am
1:05:35trying to put it together with her
1:05:37I'm just trying to put it together in my
1:05:38mind I say because I feel like if you
1:05:41encounter a never-nude and you're like
1:05:42oh this is a challenge for me and that's
1:05:44kind of gross
1:05:45yeah you're gonna die trying to trick a
1:05:47vegetarian and eating meat that's that's
1:05:49not that's not cool that's not it's like
1:05:51putting acid in somebody's a like a red
1:05:55flavored gatorade haha right not cool
1:05:59yeah did you ever so you were never dost
1:06:02who that i know of all right is that
1:06:07right
1:06:07um putting on the table here um do you
1:06:11want to go back to when you a when you
1:06:14were starting out wait what point did
1:06:16the lights come on and I know that sure
1:06:18but I was actually thinking of going
1:06:19back to butter but let us set that aside
1:06:21for now
1:06:22um ah yes but it two are related
1:06:25sure can be yeah you learn a lot you
1:06:28learn you and learn about a lot of
1:06:29things that seemed like a good idea but
1:06:30don't end up being a good idea i'm gonna
1:06:32put butter on the list
1:06:33I'm gonna put the the product vaseline
1:06:35on the list yeah hand cream
1:06:37Shh it seems like such a good ideas but
1:06:40it's not see and we I think we disagree
1:06:43on this I feel the same way about
1:06:43intercourse in water like there are
1:06:45people like the growing up in the late
1:06:48seventies becoming a penis aware in the
1:06:50late seventies and early that's what we
1:06:52called it then I became uh I saw so many
1:06:55images of people having intercourse in
1:06:57water now I saw the whole like you get
1:06:59such a boob and water that seemed pretty
1:07:00cool and then you so much intercourse in
1:07:03water or underwater and it becomes like
1:07:05a whole thing it's like a girl sits in
1:07:07quicksand all over again and it doesn't
1:07:09work
1:07:10yes with my first lady paramore at one
1:07:12point we will you know when we were
1:07:15doing these sorts of things we tried and
1:07:17i found it extremely difficult
1:07:18yeah no it'sit's connection when I don't
1:07:21want to be unkind here but to the point
1:07:23where people who act like that is a
1:07:25normal thing that people do all the time
1:07:26I think maybe you haven't actually done
1:07:28it because it's not actually that
1:07:29Pleasant right well there are a couple
1:07:30of types that do work
1:07:32one of them is the from here to eternity
1:07:33style where you are in the you're right
1:07:37at the tideline right so the waves are
1:07:40and also wash she seems pretty into it i
1:07:43think you would have some assistive
1:07:44technologies about biology was youwell
1:07:46for sure but also like as the tide comes
1:07:49let's say the tide is coming in who has
1:07:51the tide is coming in and you're
1:07:52spending more time underwater you just
1:07:54screwed up the beach right that's what's
1:07:57happened in print from here to eternity
1:07:59as they're like going at it on the beach
1:08:01in the surf you know right the camera
1:08:03pans away but they're not underwater
1:08:05they're getting their underwater for a
1:08:07second i'm talking about being like in a
1:08:09hot tub or inhibit that's impossible you
1:08:11can't help but that's what people that's
1:08:13what I was sold when we tried it we were
1:08:15both like this is not fun it's a lot of
1:08:17work
1:08:18sold a bill of goods on a lot of ways oh
1:08:20there's so much out there but the other
1:08:22thing about an easy topic alone was easy
1:08:25to talk to the job on me is that right
1:08:27because yeah I get it you decided you
1:08:29were gonna be a sharp-dressed man and it
1:08:30turned out that that nobody can grow up
1:08:33here
1:08:33uh-huh well I thought you I thought you
1:08:35had a tuxedo on and some white gloves
1:08:37you were like parking cars and then all
1:08:39of a sudden one out where you you had
1:08:43the white gloves on and you like sharp
1:08:44dressed man I'm so interested in
1:08:45watching pole dancers trying shoes
1:08:47this is weird
1:08:49I know that the thing about having sex
1:08:51in a hot tub or the swimming pool is
1:08:53that there's always a step right there
1:08:56is a step in the hot tub there's a step
1:08:58on this one
1:08:58that's true just raise up out of the
1:09:01water just enough so that the area of
1:09:03contact disability is good for everybody
1:09:06John it's right so it's just right out
1:09:08of the water and you can both be in the
1:09:10hot tub but not in the hot tub if you
1:09:13know
1:09:14oh you're seeing you are you open the
1:09:16pod bay door before you I see what
1:09:18you're saying okay alright okay that
1:09:20makes sense that makes sense don't you
1:09:23know that's not how they show it like
1:09:25certainly not in a in a PG or even
1:09:28r-rated film em so they have no no the
1:09:31whole point is you're underwater the
1:09:32whole time and I'm saying I'm your head
1:09:34is above water but all the all the other
1:09:37business papers are are below the
1:09:38surface that's not gonna work your nice
1:09:40fish don't get out of what they get
1:09:42selfish to up problem we have so much
1:09:49more to talk about all right let's go
1:09:51let's let's let's get off of this so to
1:09:55speak to keep going
1:09:56yeah no such a photo and having sex in a
1:10:01hot tub know my daughter made her first
1:10:02crazy while the other day what is crazy
1:10:05wall a crazy wall is any scene in a
1:10:07movie or TV show where somebody has put
1:10:10a whole bunch of documents and usually
1:10:12photographs on the wall and then often
1:10:14connected them using yarn
1:10:16oh I see oh hello hello crazy wall
1:10:19yeah uh it seems like there is some
1:10:22first
1:10:23that's weird supernatural hello I'm
1:10:26starting to really dig in here
1:10:27yeah there's a lot going on on this
1:10:29crazy wall is a really good cartoon
1:10:31shows she likes that features elements
1:10:33of the Illuminati so now she has started
1:10:35not only researching the Illuminati on
1:10:37the ipad but she has now made her first
1:10:39crazy wall in her bedroom having all
1:10:42these things go together i will ever
1:10:44love with the ? she's got she's got
1:10:49several like a cyclops triangles all
1:10:54wearing top hats his name is name is
1:10:56bill cipher and he's a character on this
1:10:58TV show yeah and he's at one point he
1:11:00sort of in a Masonic
1:11:02simple circle for each one of those
1:11:04points on the circle represents a
1:11:06character on the show ink and a strange
1:11:09to me that there's a pentagram there it
1:11:11seems like there would be some there
1:11:13will be some moms and dads that that
1:11:15accepted the llama and accepted the
1:11:19sharp stuff you should know flying
1:11:22rachel starr that's yeah that's from
1:11:24that's from Mabel's shirt that the pine
1:11:26tree is Mabel and dipper pines are the
1:11:28two kids and that's the pine tree that
1:11:30dipper has on his hat but what that that
1:11:33that start with the rainbow is actually
1:11:35from from like on bom bom-bom yeah like
1:11:39what what is that thing things the more
1:11:41you know the more you know there
1:11:43yeah but then so she's got it she's got
1:11:45her string going to all these different
1:11:46things including lots of like little
1:11:48thumb tacks that aren't connected to
1:11:51things or there was something there
1:11:53first i think for a first draft this is
1:11:55pretty good and then they all kind of
1:11:57yeah are pointing to this piece of paper
1:11:59with just a red yeah ? yeah and thats a
1:12:03picture of a photo of a statue of him
1:12:05that was found somewhere that's a real
1:12:08thing
1:12:08supposedly supposedly supposedly
1:12:10supposedly so that you have so is this
1:12:15on display in her room yeah the cat the
1:12:18cat plays with the string is pretty cute
1:12:19have you been telling her about the
1:12:21Illuminati I haven't I think this is one
1:12:26of those things like religion
1:12:28I'm not for or against it but I'm super
1:12:30glad to know the research is being done
1:12:32you know saying doesn't promise if i go
1:12:35to her and I said she says the jews to
1:12:36their church on like yeah you go to
1:12:37church i really love going to church it
1:12:39was very very important
1:12:41up until the age of about fourteen for
1:12:43me i was really big enough to answer any
1:12:45questions you want about what I don't
1:12:46want to say is this is this or that is
1:12:49that where you know II a Wikipedia or
1:12:53yeah I didn't think the picture of her
1:12:55Amelia Earhart report where she put on
1:12:57the wikipedia page
1:12:58yeah yeah she's begun she's especially
1:13:00big on finding shopkins on google but
1:13:02yeah sure reading wikipedia entry was a
1:13:04shopkin you mean shopkin the guy that
1:13:06runs that strange restaurant in in
1:13:08Manhattan thinking of the the moment
1:13:11book The Fixer
1:13:13no it's a horrible horrible horrible toy
1:13:17that I'm sorry should be trigger warning
1:13:19here for anybody who has children enjoy
1:13:20shopkins it i feel like there should be
1:13:22a trigger warning at the very top of the
1:13:24show
1:13:24ok I'll put something in that they'll
1:13:27know if you're worried you'll know I
1:13:29know it's a horrible horrible try you
1:13:31need to keep your daughter away from
1:13:32these things as moose toy it's shopkins
1:13:35are self-referential toys about
1:13:39consumption so you buy you buy like many
1:13:42toys you buy it just to buy it but it's
1:13:44also kind of like a it's not even a game
1:13:47it's collecting shopping
1:13:49yeah yeah but you know the thing is you
1:13:52you grown but go ask anybody who's got a
1:13:54kid between like three and nine shopkins
1:13:57shopkins you know I have a kid between
1:13:59three and nine know you could ask me
1:14:01she's not three but she's between three
1:14:04and nine
1:14:05she's no issue 3 years old so you're
1:14:07saying that she's still too young to be
1:14:08three she's about a year-and-a-half old
1:14:10she she was a year-and-a-half old now
1:14:14three-and-a-half years ago
1:14:16you sure about that pretty sure I saw
1:14:19this morning like a little respect with
1:14:21respect that's totally fucked up
1:14:22incidentally she lost a tooth her first
1:14:2520 I don't want to turn this into a
1:14:26parenting podcast dad and we talked for
1:14:29several days about what our familiar
1:14:33relationship to the Tooth Fairy was
1:14:34going to be and she was letting
1:14:36interested she was like does the Tooth
1:14:38Fairy no Santa and I was like I think so
1:14:41i could surprise you went with the the
1:14:44Santa that doesn't seem like a little
1:14:46off brand for you
1:14:47well but we're not we haven't completely
1:14:48we haven't are arrived at an agreement
1:14:52you got a non-denial denial between the
1:14:54two of us like she asks questions about
1:14:56Santa and I answer them sometimes and
1:15:00early in universe
1:15:01yeah I like that wikipedia they that for
1:15:04a while these to say like what the part
1:15:06you're about to read is about an
1:15:07in-universe explanation they stopped
1:15:09doing that and then just hold it like a
1:15:10story I I definitely feel like if you're
1:15:13gonna say Tooth Fairy Easter Bunny Santa
1:15:15Claus they have to be in the same
1:15:18universe
1:15:19alright that has good point complainer
1:15:20has to be continuity and if you see if
1:15:24you see a boom mic up
1:15:26you're in one of those stories nothing
1:15:28you know that boom mic it better be
1:15:30everyone you don't know the boom mic in
1:15:31the scene is that's right so you she's
1:15:34like she's got these questions how does
1:15:36the Tooth Fairy get into the house since
1:15:38anybody share Intel you have to imagine
1:15:39that all of the magical gifting
1:15:42creatures share Intel is unlike the best
1:15:45ways to deal with like home security
1:15:46systems and that was her conclusion I
1:15:49didn't say anything about she was like
1:15:51so do you think the Tooth Fairy and
1:15:53Santa like both know she said I know how
1:15:57Santa gets in
1:15:58ok do you think the Tooth Fairy knows do
1:16:01they share that information and i said
1:16:03here's all I'll say about the tooth
1:16:05there i think that when a child loses a
1:16:08tooth the tooth fairy becomes aware of
1:16:11it and that and that becomes a thing on
1:16:14the tooth fairy's mind oh interesting
1:16:16now until the tooth goes under the the
1:16:20pillow right
1:16:21the tooth fairy is mostly powerless
1:16:24because not powerless but the Tooth
1:16:27Fairy is aware and it's kind of like a
1:16:29it's like an like a pea under her
1:16:32mattress and so she's thinking about it
1:16:36but if you don't put it under the pillow
1:16:38then you you have not you not made you
1:16:41not solidified the contract with her
1:16:44we took it we took it even further which
1:16:46was really mean
1:16:48which is that the 23 can even know about
1:16:50it till it under your pillow and
1:16:51importantly until you've been asleep for
1:16:54an hour to sleep
1:16:55the the fair doesn't find out about it
1:16:57is that you with me on this i am a i'm
1:17:03just like Bruce Lee says you don't hit
1:17:05the board had two inches behind the
1:17:07board so I'm trying to I'm trying to
1:17:09like put together the differences
1:17:11between your and my like a sense of
1:17:17contract like I'm trying to I'm trying
1:17:20to to get into her mind
1:17:22uh-huh the supernatural world is aware
1:17:26of things
1:17:27oh interesting because when I was
1:17:28standing going to know if you're good or
1:17:30bad but there should be a plausible
1:17:31explanation that that seems logical
1:17:34yeah right i mean that Santa doesn't
1:17:36show up on your in your house and make
1:17:37an independent determination of whether
1:17:39you've been good
1:17:40added that boy you know you're not gonna
1:17:41pull like the the whole like a wizard
1:17:43did it thing you're trying to get past
1:17:45like simple magic
1:17:48yeah magic can explain anything Santa's
1:17:50in the North Pole he's compiling toys
1:17:52he's basing those decisions on whether
1:17:55you've been good or bad
1:17:56yes so he has pre-knowledge ok and so
1:17:58that's the best also be true of the
1:18:00tooth fairy
1:18:01she's got a note that i would seem to me
1:18:03in the 23 universe that when the tooth
1:18:05comes out that's the like being that on
1:18:08her switchboard a light goes on and
1:18:11she's like two things out
1:18:12uh-huh but then there's this pregnant
1:18:14pause and some kids get it right under
1:18:16the pillow that night in my daughter's
1:18:18case she kept that tooth out for five
1:18:23days she been turned it over in your
1:18:26hands is very little tooth showed it to
1:18:28everybody thought about it quite a bit
1:18:29and then her grandfather said you know
1:18:33if you put it under your pillow the
1:18:35Tooth Fairy brings you a silver dollar
1:18:36boy which she immediately began calling
1:18:40the silver d and she was like so if i
1:18:46put this under the pillow i'm going to
1:18:48get a silver d I was like you're going
1:18:51to get your yes you're going to get a
1:18:52silver do now you're on the hook for
1:18:53silver d well so last night
1:18:57she's like I'm ready it's going under
1:18:59the pillow tonight and I'm gonna get a
1:19:02silver d oh yes honey
1:19:06so she put it on the pillow and just so
1:19:08happens that I have a briefcase full of
1:19:10various silver tease
1:19:12some of them are just your normal ones
1:19:15right you're Eisenhower's yeah and your
1:19:18your sacagawea's m0r kennedy at one
1:19:21point that's a half-dollar after sorry
1:19:23and and you're Susan bees and hasn't
1:19:29wait is it to be your second Julia well
1:19:32both the second one really suffers from
1:19:34a poor carving job because they want to
1:19:37get her face on and that's no way that's
1:19:39no way to carve a coin
1:19:40well she's also got the pupusas got a
1:19:42purpose yeah and susan b she's very
1:19:45ferocious-looking she's not very
1:19:46friendly
1:19:47that's not a friendly pick and i'll take
1:19:49no junk but I eisenhower dollars are
1:19:51hard to get
1:19:52get your hands on it
1:19:53more and then i also have like Morgan
1:19:57Dollars and peace dollars Morgan Dollars
1:20:01have quite a few more JPMorgan on it
1:20:04no it has a it has like Liberty on it
1:20:07but call Morgan Dollars because I think
1:20:09Morgan JPMorgan probably handle them
1:20:12I even have a dollar a US dollar a coin
1:20:17from 1856 wow it's a very small coin
1:20:22anyway so I'm going through my briefcase
1:20:25of of of silver DS and I'm trying to
1:20:29decide which one of these silver DS
1:20:31meets her like is the fantasy silver d
1:20:34in her mind because when somebody says
1:20:37silver d to me AI think it's made of
1:20:40silver
1:20:41uh-huh it's going to get a different
1:20:42sound you drop it on the table it sounds
1:20:43really different
1:20:44Clank right but a morgan silver dollar
1:20:47is worth like fifty dollars either she's
1:20:49not ready for that
1:20:50no and an Eisenhower dollar like what if
1:20:53she takes that in and tries to buy a
1:20:55candy bar with it the person working at
1:20:56the stores and be like what the hell
1:20:58this that probably they have never seen
1:21:00assume its Pokemon that's right they
1:21:03think like catch em all catch mall get
1:21:05training anyway so she goes for just
1:21:08fall in this
1:21:09well I'm think i'm looking through the
1:21:10silver DS like what's a brother going to
1:21:12do here and I decided on a susan b and
1:21:18the reason is in 1979 when they were
1:21:20introducing the susan b anthony dollars
1:21:23everybody thought because this was the
1:21:25first silver dollar
1:21:27well so the Eisenhower silver dollar
1:21:28nobody use because it was too big
1:21:30this was silver dollar that the u.s.
1:21:32mint was it was really big lead i would
1:21:34get one of those as a kid fella could
1:21:36practically feel my hand an Eisenhower
1:21:38dollar yeah there because of others big
1:21:40as a pie plate who so they're
1:21:42introducing the susan b and the mint is
1:21:46weight forward banking hmm on the idea
1:21:51that everybody's going to use these
1:21:53things and so they they meant in 1970
1:21:57let's make them really close in size to
1:21:59a quarter
1:21:59let's make it look just like they look
1:22:01they look like a fraudulent quarter
1:22:04that's right and they feel like a
1:22:05quarter if you reach into your pocket
1:22:07and Tramp plot a quarter or Susan be
1:22:09happy or not you can tell me it really
1:22:11is just slightly larger and what's crazy
1:22:13is that the English pound coin and the
1:22:16Spanish 100 beseda coin are smaller but
1:22:21thicker so you reach in your pocket
1:22:23planner one pound coin it feels like a
1:22:26pound
1:22:26because it's because it's like got some
1:22:29weight
1:22:30it feels thick you know but it's smaller
1:22:33and the US Mint I don't know how they
1:22:36failed to if they had made susan b
1:22:37anthony dollars that felt like little
1:22:39hockey pucks he would still be using but
1:22:43so they came they minted millions and
1:22:46millions and millions of the susan b
1:22:48anthony dollars and the only way that
1:22:51they got used was when they came out
1:22:53everybody said this is a collectible all
1:22:56right and everybody grabbed as many of
1:22:58them as they could and put him in a sack
1:23:00somewhere because they were sure it was
1:23:02like that's good for your currency
1:23:03system to have a lot of stuff not in
1:23:05circulation
1:23:05exactly Oh talking about penny someday
1:23:08and the problem is every single 1979
1:23:12susan b anthony dollar is worth
1:23:13precisely one dollar because it's still
1:23:16legal tender face value but there's I
1:23:19mean there are a few that have certain
1:23:21mint marks or certain you know there are
1:23:23some that are rarer another I like you
1:23:26get an upside-down Denver or something
1:23:27yeah but that but Denver the Denver Mint
1:23:30is exactly the one that made millions
1:23:33and millions of these so if you have a
1:23:341979 susan b anthony dollar without a de
1:23:37who is also verde it that's right silver
1:23:40tea so I have some of these not because
1:23:43I ever fell for this dumb thing but
1:23:46because my dad are collected a bunch of
1:23:51susan b anthony dollars that he was sure
1:23:53we're going to be worth money someday
1:23:55and then I ended up with a like a a poke
1:23:59let's call it a poker huh of Susan Susan
1:24:01be silver DS and so we gotta focus
1:24:07cookies cookies so I figure a through
1:24:11her baby teeth i got enough silver DS to
1:24:14cover the the debt and if that's what
1:24:17she thinks the silver d is because of
1:24:18pocahontas dollar courses
1:24:20silver now it's horrible it's a ugly
1:24:22color it's nothing it's Pocahontas it's
1:24:25just it's not fun to look at I mean to
1:24:27me like a u.s. American Quarter is like
1:24:30the classic coin like I love the way
1:24:32Washington looks on the corner I always
1:24:35have and like but you know with the the
1:24:38you know this is a famous thing in women
1:24:40what's the word look for engraving
1:24:41there's a reason everybody's done in
1:24:43profile on coins because a profile you
1:24:46only have so much depth to a coin you
1:24:48cannot get the depth of a full-on face
1:24:51in a way that looks realistic with that
1:24:53amount of thickness so that's why they
1:24:55always do a silhouette but they couldn't
1:24:56get the boose going to get the Poussin
1:24:58there too
1:24:59interesting i never thought about that
1:25:01mr. all this arrest this is that anybody
1:25:03can read about this i'm pretty sure this
1:25:04is the case is that that's why they do
1:25:06so like a repeating myself but a
1:25:08silhouette you can get there's enough to
1:25:10show like oh these persons like sunken
1:25:12cheeks or this kind of chin that reads
1:25:14much better than you would and that's
1:25:16why everybody's face looks so smashed on
1:25:19the corner that's what that's like that
1:25:21you are with two people on it not right
1:25:24or I can't think of another coin it's
1:25:26got two people on maybe there are some
1:25:28Roman coins where want where the where
1:25:30Caesar is vanquishing somebody but I
1:25:32don't even think there are i mean i
1:25:34think that's trade-ins column if you
1:25:36want something like that you're gonna go
1:25:37with a column rather coin who but that's
1:25:41a but you know that's on so it's
1:25:43silhouettes silhouettes silhouettes
1:25:44silhouettes on the corner pretty some
1:25:47yeah that is nice its 1951 an important
1:25:50day yesterday
1:25:51what happened I don't I think we've
1:25:54already done too much just to spoil this
1:25:56for kids that might be listening so but
1:25:58i'll just thought just saying broad term
1:25:59some we do sometimes get tweets from 15
1:26:02right now I know well they be safe but
1:26:04yesterday was a very very important day
1:26:07with a sundae july seventeenth she noted
1:26:13for the evergreen miss of the show she
1:26:15knows no yep she revealed we've known
1:26:18for about a year that this was coming
1:26:21we knew that we were just hanging on by
1:26:22a thread but yesterday my daughter the
1:26:25Illuminati conspiracy theorist who has
1:26:27in the past uh cause my wife and I to
1:26:31provide handwriting samples the cheek
1:26:33compare against the Easter Bunny
1:26:34yesterday she laid out in extreme detail
1:26:37her entire case for the Santa problem
1:26:43whoa and this is happening in July this
1:26:45is this is auntie christmas in july but
1:26:47you have to believe that came up the way
1:26:49they came up is that I had purchased a
1:26:51new can opener and the hand can opener
1:26:54and can opener is on the cardboard tie
1:26:57down with those little annoying plastic
1:26:59ties and of course anytime we get a
1:27:01product in the house with anything
1:27:02annoying in the packaging my daughter is
1:27:06inclined to bring up the very famous
1:27:09Christmas of 2010 the Christmas of 2010
1:27:12i remember as being possibly the
1:27:15greatest Christmas that has ever
1:27:16Christmas how old was she in two
1:27:18thousand she was three and it was a
1:27:24pretty good year uh and you know we have
1:27:26lots to do that year so and we really
1:27:28wanted her to have you know parents are
1:27:29strict on NASA's greatest she got was
1:27:32the greatest Christmas ever she got a
1:27:34really cool ikea kitchen I can make some
1:27:36nice kitchen
1:27:37yeah it's not expensive not costly it's
1:27:40a nice kitchen she got a lot of really
1:27:41really great stuff she gotta think she
1:27:44got a really cool dollhouse I remember
1:27:46the night before my wife and I watching
1:27:48Goldfinger and putting so much stuff
1:27:50together and watching Goldfinger don't
1:27:52forget that but but the important part
1:27:54of the story is 2010 is the year of toy
1:27:56story that summer we got into toy story
1:27:59right around the time that toy story 3
1:28:01came out those three movies were on
1:28:03constant repeat at our house like twice
1:28:05a day and we were all have their amazing
1:28:07movies there's such great movies at the
1:28:09moment but let me just in represent your
1:28:11toy story one a good movie
1:28:14it is a good movie and especially for is
1:28:18a lot of asteroids for its time it's I
1:28:21mean what do you say i mean it's it's an
1:28:23incredible achievement the achievement
1:28:26of which story-wise is greatly surpassed
1:28:28in toy story 2 times recently restored
1:28:30to is a better film into a story one
1:28:32it's a much better film because i've
1:28:34only seen toy story 3 0 that is a film
1:28:38that is I feel like my rosebud
1:28:41it's rough it's really rough your story
1:28:44too
1:28:45yeah it's it to 32 is more
1:28:46subtle it's really awfully good but so
1:28:49for that Christmas remember this would
1:28:50be the greatest Christmas ever
1:28:51she got but like you know you can buy
1:28:54like different like nice nas's of toys
1:28:56like you can get like this little junior
1:28:58version she had a little buzz lightyear
1:29:00that wasn't even didn't the joints
1:29:02didn't move huh
1:29:04she not only got a really nice woody she
1:29:08got a really nice buzz she god she gotta
1:29:12realize but don't make it weird
1:29:15god I'm getting a nice woody and the
1:29:18thing is a i know you probably a lot of
1:29:21dumb toys for your kid but don't always
1:29:23for your kid unless you get the Amazon
1:29:25frustration-free packaging what you
1:29:26could pretty much he promised to 50 in
1:29:28its anything that has a clear window on
1:29:30the front for viewing
1:29:31yeah it's gonna take an hour to get out
1:29:33IC and this is this happens in the
1:29:35collectibles world but especially with
1:29:36kids toys so buzz lightyear was rubber
1:29:40banded and wired wired into this package
1:29:45and the way that they do this i imagine
1:29:46little hands somewhere in Indonesia do
1:29:48this there's a way that they use imagine
1:29:49a bread tie but a lot thicker and it's
1:29:52doubled over is turned a couple times
1:29:55one way and then a couple times the
1:29:57other way and there's like there was
1:29:59like 30 of these you don't want both let
1:30:02you two get out because it was comes to
1:30:05actually comes up into straight to it's
1:30:06pretty funny but all the point is
1:30:08greatest Christmas ever
1:30:10what she remembers this is how i came up
1:30:12yesterday issues looking at the can
1:30:13opener and a little cardboard things
1:30:15said remember that Christmas I'm like
1:30:17yes honey i remember that Christmas hit
1:30:19you said the f-word I didn't know what
1:30:22it meant then but that was the day you
1:30:24said the f-word whoa she remember and
1:30:27that's how santa came up funny funny
1:30:28funny story though is that you come up a
1:30:30lot with the effort the first time that
1:30:31she remembers hearing the f-word in
1:30:33knowing what it was from you how you're
1:30:35in our house
1:30:36no I didn't say the f-word in the
1:30:37bathroom the door wouldn't close and I
1:30:40said well yes I do remember that and I
1:30:42said the f-word
1:30:43show know what you know we-we've we both
1:30:47said the f word I said you know far too
1:30:49maybe sure if I could flabbergast I'm
1:30:52not just mad no no I guess not but she
1:30:54remembers it well and then yesterday
1:30:56chapter 4 she laid it all down
1:30:59why was going to the same wrapping paper
1:31:02in this place
1:31:04oh how come i found a photo on your
1:31:07phone of this thing okay
1:31:09oh i just realized that my TP came from
1:31:13the land of nod and a little sand is not
1:31:15going to the Land of Nod catalog noho
1:31:19well I hate to be this guy although you
1:31:24know of course I don't hate to be this
1:31:25guy everybody that says I hate to be
1:31:26this guy's actually like very proud of
1:31:28being that guy
1:31:29oh it's not people who say i hate to
1:31:31correct you but i hate to correct you
1:31:33don't hate to correct my little correct
1:31:34me when I was a kid right my mom would
1:31:37spend that whole evening of Christmas
1:31:40Eve you know not just putting together
1:31:42the the dollhouse is getting potatoes
1:31:47out of the larger she's taking a
1:31:48hands-off the chickens that's right but
1:31:50she would unwrap the presence that
1:31:53needed to be unwrapped so if it was a it
1:31:58was a if it was a present where the
1:32:00where the box only needed to be decanted
1:32:02from original packaging that's right if
1:32:04you need it if you're not gonna be able
1:32:05to play with this doll until you spend
1:32:0816 minutes fighting the packaging or if
1:32:11you can't play with this thing until it
1:32:13is built
1:32:14I get build it it's like when you go to
1:32:17a nice restaurant I mean cooking a
1:32:18lobster is really not hard it's getting
1:32:21the meat out of the lobster that's hard
1:32:22right you put a butthole lobster on the
1:32:25plate in front of you like this Gordon
1:32:26Ramsay says you don't have too much food
1:32:28waste you got to learn how to get all
1:32:29the knuckles out you got to get the legs
1:32:31out
1:32:31it's a lot of your mom was basically
1:32:32cleaning lobster for you she's cleaning
1:32:34a lobster that's her number one game
1:32:36mine so I have become a lobster cleaner
1:32:38and so it's not like it's not like she
1:32:42gets a lot of this kind of present but
1:32:44the kind of present that comes in the
1:32:45packaging i know that there's not gonna
1:32:47be so oh my god the other day someone
1:32:50gave her a vintage doll from the
1:32:55nineteen seventies called stay
1:32:56r & star is a Barbie style doll but
1:33:01she's like a typical highschool girl she
1:33:03has friends there's a whole star
1:33:06universe where they're like in a band
1:33:09and they have a yearbook and stars like
1:33:13a cool girl she's like the cheerleader
1:33:15but she's also artistic and her
1:33:18boyfriend is a guitar player but he's
1:33:20also like a football player like they
1:33:23really crammed a lot of backstory into
1:33:25star and her friends and somebody I
1:33:28don't even know who is this just
1:33:30appeared in my world all the sudden gave
1:33:32her star in the original packaging with
1:33:36her little shoes and her little
1:33:38hairbrush and it was all still in the
1:33:39box and I didn't I wasn't there for this
1:33:43so if i had been because of my proximity
1:33:48to nerd culture I i'm afraid i would
1:33:52have grabbed this star out of her hands
1:33:54and be like that huh
1:33:56hang on honey this might be a form of
1:33:58the college someday
1:33:59let's take a look at this stardoll and
1:34:01let's go on ebay and figure out what
1:34:03start with stars all about it because
1:34:05it's very important that we not take it
1:34:06all original packaging that of course
1:34:11somebody handed her this this stalled
1:34:13are stardoll horse called are stalled
1:34:17are now before stuff up
1:34:22are we gonna kill this tall dar me move
1:34:25it's just like should want p'raps the
1:34:28she grabs this thing and that's called r
1:34:32is really ripped apart the boxes just
1:34:35she dreaded it's all just strewn I don't
1:34:40know so much value lost like tears in
1:34:43rain but here's the thing i go online i
1:34:45go onto ebay and I'm like oh I don't
1:34:47even want to know like what is up into
1:34:49twitter because I I point when you get
1:34:51arrested are today I remember stalled
1:34:53ours at the time I vaguely remember them
1:34:55I'm googling them and i can't find much
1:34:57as a modern stalled are but i can't find
1:34:59the vintage one also type in vintage
1:35:01stalled are
1:35:02but so unoriginal one of these in
1:35:06original packaging like sixty dollars
1:35:08fifty dollars is not nothing that i
1:35:10would be willing to take this thing out
1:35:12of my kids hand yeah sure
1:35:13and so she's playing with star and she's
1:35:16loving it and I'm like you know like
1:35:18vaya con Dios camera and your little
1:35:20yearbook in your beer your comb and your
1:35:23shoes are already lost and your yearbook
1:35:25is shredded in crayon Dover and that is
1:35:27how you were just this sounds like your
1:35:28next song it again when would you say
1:35:33we're gonna be a seat are all your comb
1:35:36your comb is already lost your comb and
1:35:38your shields are shoes already lost and
1:35:40your little yearbook is torn apart
1:35:42startled huh i but but I definitely I I
1:35:49pursue that same idea with her new toys
1:35:52which is like there is nothing we are
1:35:54not participating in this collectible
1:35:56culture if i buy this for you it is to
1:35:58be destroyed
1:35:59I want you to cut this doll's hair I
1:36:01want you to draw on her face I want you
1:36:03to chew on her and move on and let let
1:36:07there be nothing left of this doll when
1:36:09you are done playing with her so I take
1:36:11it out of the packaging and I said it as
1:36:14though she has entered the house under
1:36:16her own power and sat down under the
1:36:18tree and then d animated i'm sort of
1:36:22like-- pris right like all the dolls in
1:36:25the house are like are like Chris ready
1:36:27to come alive and karate chop you can
1:36:30grab a boiling egg
1:36:32I you know but for now like they are
1:36:35your they are your little friends
1:36:38yeah I want I want her to enjoy and
1:36:42treasurer things in a way that she
1:36:44currently does not but I that whole like
1:36:47keep this nice thing just for
1:36:48collectability sake is is really a gross
1:36:52conceit of old men
1:36:54yeah when did you discover that santa
1:36:58wasn't real spoiler
1:37:00oh sorry sorry fifteen-year-olds i
1:37:03listen to hold her yesterday we had an
1:37:06amazing talk I I was I didn't cry but
1:37:09like it was it really went well and we
1:37:12let me just finish the the anecdote
1:37:14basically we also then we went
1:37:16something I've been preparing for for
1:37:17years which is when this day comes gate
1:37:21how she feels about it and and in this
1:37:23revealed that she's known for a long
1:37:24time I think she's been doing it for us
1:37:26but she's fine with it i said well you
1:37:31know now like there's a couple important
1:37:33things so the first important thing it's
1:37:35the same thing as Empire Strikes Back
1:37:38it's really important now that you are
1:37:40on this side of it don't be that kid
1:37:42that's right so even if other kids ask
1:37:44you about you don't tell them right
1:37:46which brings us to part two which is now
1:37:48you're in on the secret report will go
1:37:50naughty welcome you're part of the your
1:37:53welcome welcome to the scene just now
1:37:56here's the thing here's the price is
1:37:57gonna sound crazy to you is we want to
1:37:59keep doing this in our household
1:38:00oh yes and we and the thing is we need
1:38:03your help so believe it or not as crazy
1:38:05as this sounds you know what you know
1:38:06the note with the with the weird
1:38:08left-handed cursive handwriting his
1:38:10daddy can't really write in cursive to
1:38:11begin with
1:38:12like you know what's crazy is going to
1:38:13help us with that even those cookies are
1:38:15for no one and that's why it's important
1:38:18boom mic drop
1:38:19wow I love that you know my mom and i
1:38:21still give each other presents from
1:38:23saying of course you do and that side
1:38:25and the thing is she didn't blow a
1:38:26gasket and freaked out and go this makes
1:38:28no logical sense and I think she still
1:38:30because she's a she's a eight-year-old
1:38:31girl she's probably still gonna use this
1:38:33as leverage when needed with other kids
1:38:36up you know if you should bring a gun to
1:38:39school you know today you tell me tell
1:38:41the truth
1:38:42yeah you bring the knowledge of Santa hi
1:38:44it's kind of it's kind of a relief and
1:38:46it's a super-duper relief that it went
1:38:48well and there are lots of hugs when I
1:38:50was no you're going to be teaching her
1:38:51develop parallel park person teaching
1:38:54people to parallel park
1:38:55well just you got to get it in real fast
1:38:57because there's going to be self-driving
1:38:58cars but don't let me get started you
1:39:00want to see you can see that back when
1:39:01you can see the back bumper start
1:39:02turning and don't turn a little turn
1:39:04hard turn off turn harder than you think
1:39:06our turn hard and waterlogging they're
1:39:08all the way back and the thing is people
1:39:10come to san francisco in there so
1:39:11confused
1:39:12this is the boot camp for parallel
1:39:13parking because you're going to you
1:39:15would be surprised you will be amazed
1:39:17I'll tell you soldier you're not going
1:39:19to believe what can fit into what once
1:39:20you've benefits
1:39:21ya what I'll say especially on the
1:39:24castro but if you are only getting suits
1:39:26square if you're on a hill and you're
1:39:28trying to parallel park well first of
1:39:30all do not let your tow pilot get out
1:39:32and stand on the song come all and don't
1:39:35just just put your balls in the popcorn
1:39:37yeah if you need that then just stay in
1:39:38your car just sit there to the district
1:39:42just drive somewhere like sometimes like
1:39:44fighter there parking
1:39:45yeah right i learned about Santa right
1:39:49when I was the same age I was eight
1:39:51years old but I had a younger sibling so
1:39:54I was brought into the fold and not just
1:39:57like you have to be careful around other
1:39:59kids but now our whole family is engaged
1:40:02in a conspiracy to keep this secret from
1:40:05the from the baby who is six years old
1:40:09but i think that my sister my little
1:40:13sister knew that Santa was faked a long
1:40:15time before i did because she's very
1:40:16practical person but then we were all
1:40:19engaged in a conspiracy including my
1:40:22little sister who was humoring us all to
1:40:25continue to Santa Phi it so what would
1:40:28you like an open secret open secret but
1:40:31know anybody was out there a word for it
1:40:32but it's something where like we all
1:40:34know that what we're saying or it open
1:40:37while i like but we're all agreeing to
1:40:39act like this is different than how we
1:40:41all actually no it is and we don't need
1:40:43to talk about it
1:40:44yeah it's like it's like the entire
1:40:45country treated the bush administration
1:40:47right like we all know that this person
1:40:50let's get let's just get through this
1:40:51yeah yeah and we all know that there's
1:40:53no actual real threat to American we all
1:40:55know that this is all a trumped-up thing
1:40:57but each of us has a military base in
1:41:01our congressional district and we do not
1:41:03want that base closed because when are
1:41:05we gonna sell Mustangs and selling
1:41:08Mustangs big part of our economy you
1:41:11know it turns out most mr. Corvettes but
1:41:14by lieutenant Colonel's is that right
1:41:16now sure I do not doubt that i think
1:41:17most of most of the Dodge Challengers
1:41:21and Mustangs mustang gts are sold to two
1:41:28new recruits those are guys to put their
1:41:30dick in the popcorn
1:41:31ok think donuts dollars dollars dollars
1:41:34to dames i'll bet you though
1:41:35the kind of guys that were there were
1:41:36pending in into their popcorn home
1:41:39thank you for your service thank you
1:41:40thank you
1:41:41[Music]