Roderick on the Line

Ep. 198: "No Control Group"

 

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  hello hi John I'm Merlin was going oh [TS]

  super SuperDuper been having some dairy [TS]

  oh you know how whatever whatever my [TS]

  diet project was I've changed a little [TS]

  bit by a change-up low my new diet plan [TS]

  is to fit if it's really possible to [TS]

  poison oneself with normal food that's [TS]

  my plan [TS]

  I think you're in luck i think i can [TS]

  totally poison yourself with normal food [TS]

  yeah that's been my experience although [TS]

  there's a there's a there's a problem [TS]

  there's no control right now control [TS]

  group because I also there's some kind [TS]

  of raw gas leak into my truck [TS]

  haha oh god so i'm driving around with [TS]

  all the windows down and I'm and it's [TS]

  like I'm standing at the gas pump in [TS]

  1974 I know that's now I'm like who feel [TS]

  a little lightheaded [TS]

  so anyway I can't tell whether i'm [TS]

  slowly poisoning myself with gasoline or [TS]

  whether i'm slowly poisoning myself with [TS]

  pizza and ice cream [TS]

  oh man I've had those poisons you know [TS]

  there's something kind of comforting [TS]

  I mean on the one hand when you're [TS]

  really trying to solve a problem it's [TS]

  nice to know exactly what your fucking [TS]

  problem is i think there's a comfort and [TS]

  not knowing exactly what your problem [TS]

  you know [TS]

  yeah I mean I definitely feel [TS]

  comfortable right now but again i can't [TS]

  tell whether that's what I'm poisoning [TS]

  myself with gas [TS]

  well I'm just saying like if you if you [TS]

  had a growing mountain of crack vials on [TS]

  your coffee table [TS]

  mm you know exhibit a right right right [TS]

  I'm saying there's something comforting [TS]

  about what could be pizza could be gas [TS]

  huh Kenny and how much do you move you [TS]

  move much [TS]

  here's another problem i'm going to the [TS]

  doctor on Wednesday and I yeah I feel [TS]

  like I haven't been to the doctor in 14 [TS]

  years but in fact I've been to multiple [TS]

  doctors I've just never been no listen [TS]

  to what I'm just don't listen to them [TS]

  and I just don't feel like I've ever [TS]

  really could I want the first time I [TS]

  went to the doctor [TS]

  after a long long period i showed up in [TS]

  the doctor was like a lot younger than I [TS]

  was that happened and I was not into it [TS]

  and he was like oh I think you've got [TS]

  this i think you've got that and I was [TS]

  like yeah well I bet you do I bet you do [TS]

  that's cool i bet you do in turn yeah [TS]

  and so I didn't want anything to do with [TS]

  him so I was a sign up for a new [TS]

  healthcare plan and I'm talking to I'm [TS]

  talking to a lady on the phone he's like [TS]

  let me help you find a doctor and I said [TS]

  I would appreciate that helped very much [TS]

  and she said here's a doctor who [TS]

  graduated from medical school in 2007 [TS]

  and I said no thanks [TS]

  and she she laughed was like oh ok [TS]

  and I said find the doctor who graduated [TS]

  from medical school the longest time ago [TS]

  uh-huh and she found she found some kind [TS]

  of us can have a smoker [TS]

  yeah get me a doctor thats that as that [TS]

  has one of those little mirrors on his [TS]

  head [TS]

  Mariana he's got more of this kind of [TS]

  double breasted dr. gowns [TS]

  yeah he's what he's smoking a Winston [TS]

  uh-huh first his own and he's got me for [TS]

  that's right it's cools and and he's [TS]

  like gotta like you've got a cocktail [TS]

  shaker up on the top of the update you [TS]

  know like that was my doctor growing up [TS]

  dr. tower he was dr. tower was a great [TS]

  doctor but you know he's one of those [TS]

  guys sit down on the sit down the stool [TS]

  and say how's your penis [TS]

  lets you know like a like a good ol dr. [TS]

  talking about not having a control group [TS]

  they take a drag on the cigarette ashes [TS]

  out the window [TS]

  probably when did he meets the six he's [TS]

  gone up a couple flights of stairs [TS]

  but the the other i think the control [TS]

  that I've been trying to I have been [TS]

  trying to keep myself at my current [TS]

  level and what that has meant is I [TS]

  realized that a lot of my problems [TS]

  Merlin are now I become a sedentary [TS]

  person and I hate to admit it but it [TS]

  makes a difference [TS]

  I'm becoming bed shaped and I don't [TS]

  another one that happened I was always I [TS]

  always walked 10 miles a day that was my [TS]

  jam [TS]

  I was known as the guy that walks around [TS]

  all the time if you say you know you'd [TS]

  be driving somewhere in there right [TS]

  there I'd be walking a lot whether with [TS]

  a big sign that says jesus is coming and [TS]

  now i sit around like I I like I I wake [TS]

  up I go downstairs I sit on the couch i [TS]

  have a cup of coffee and get up i walk [TS]

  over to the other side of the house I [TS]

  sit down you know what I mean I don't [TS]

  get I don't i'm not out like Roman and I [TS]

  don't have a regular exercise plan I've [TS]

  just become this become this pile as so [TS]

  much to do there's so many factors and I [TS]

  think one of the biggest factors is [TS]

  where you live where one lives because I [TS]

  mean it's just it seems so obvious until [TS]

  you really think about it I mean there [TS]

  are a suburb I'm not I'm you live in a [TS]

  kind of suburb i guess like a suburb is [TS]

  made to be a place that you drive into [TS]

  and out of its meant to accommodate a [TS]

  little bit of walking from place to [TS]

  place but you know as you've seen in [TS]

  Florida [TS]

  I'm sure there's lots of places where [TS]

  there are no sidewalks there are no you [TS]

  would never ride a bike on US 19 unless [TS]

  you're really really hardcore right I [TS]

  grew up in this area where like you [TS]

  would walk to the driveway then you [TS]

  would drive to the strip mall in the [TS]

  case of my mom drive to the walkway you [TS]

  walk to the driveway drive to the [TS]

  walkway thing but I i remember having a [TS]

  laugh at my mom you know issues aging [TS]

  this isn't super funny but like when [TS]

  it's when it's really crazy hot if dear [TS]

  you have like knee problems she would [TS]

  drive to different parts in the strip [TS]

  mall should get in your car and drive to [TS]

  but there are and that's that's part of [TS]

  the thing is like how much does your [TS]

  life accommodate walking [TS]

  well and and unfortunately I do not have [TS]

  sidewalks in my neighborhood and when I [TS]

  first moved into the neighborhood i was [TS]

  still in my 10 miles a day walking a [TS]

  style because I've been doing that for [TS]

  15 years and so I would you know I'd [TS]

  walk out the door in the morning and [TS]

  said I'm going to explore my [TS]

  neighborhood walk all around who and and [TS]

  my neighborhood was built during I mean [TS]

  it was initially built as farm country [TS]

  and then you know the the houses moved [TS]

  in and then during the war there was [TS]

  another layer of houses and then after [TS]

  the war there was another layer of [TS]

  housing so now it's just a neighborhood [TS]

  but no sidewalks and what I discovered [TS]

  in walking completely exhaustively [TS]

  around my neighborhood is there's no [TS]

  place to return to write you walk along [TS]

  and you're like alice is what happens on [TS]

  this street and these are these people [TS]

  in the street but you there's no reason [TS]

  to ever go back there's no no cafe [TS]

  there's no store there's no like I'm not [TS]

  a guy that's gonna go sit in a park and [TS]

  throw a tennis ball to myself [TS]

  yeah and and there's nothing about you [TS]

  know you're not it's not any it's not an [TS]

  interesting neighborhood in the sense [TS]

  that once you figure out once you walk [TS]

  around here like oh ok here are the farm [TS]

  houses and they're all separated at this [TS]

  distance from one another and then [TS]

  inside of those there are all these [TS]

  houses that were built during the war [TS]

  for workers and they each had a half an [TS]

  acre and then within within that matrix [TS]

  they're all these houses built [TS]

  immediately after the war for young [TS]

  families and then there are all these [TS]

  houses built in nineteen eighty or [TS]

  ninety two but once you see that and you [TS]

  know yeah that's cool yeah it's you [TS]

  don't go back down that Street right see [TS]

  it again [TS]

  and so when I realized that the only [TS]

  place to go that was interesting was [TS]

  down to the supermarket that one store [TS]

  huh that's weird [TS]

  still they don't have never started [TS]

  selling half they never sell anything [TS]

  they don't even sell you know the mark [TS]

  of a store is if you don't sell happen [TS]

  to have do you sell balsa wood rubber [TS]

  band powered airplanes [TS]

  this place has neither they don't [TS]

  invested that used to be a standard oh [TS]

  my goodness remember that you just walk [TS]

  in somewhere to get a comic book you [TS]

  could get you could get out you get some [TS]

  bazooka joe you get up also an airplane [TS]

  that things don't last that's a good [TS]

  thing to keep in stock because you're [TS]

  gonna need like several of those I [TS]

  always the negotiations I had with my [TS]

  dad [TS]

  where can I get this comic book can i [TS]

  get to comic books which he would [TS]

  generally shut down and then at the [TS]

  point of purchase at the cash register [TS]

  can I get this balsa wood airplanes and [TS]

  a bad you know a balsa wood airplanes at [TS]

  the time or what [TS]

  fifty cents 25 you're probably in these [TS]

  35-cent range for comics at that point [TS]

  comes with it feels like for all of my [TS]

  youth and comics it was always marvel [TS]

  comics always thirty-five cents you know [TS]

  and I feel like one of those that you're [TS]

  gonna get maybe maybe fifty cents for [TS]

  displaying 50 cents for a plane and you [TS]

  know and depending on his mood I might [TS]

  get a comic book and a balsa-wood [TS]

  airplane and then I would immediately [TS]

  you know we had a the neighborhood kids [TS]

  had a piece of plywood on a couple of [TS]

  sawhorses that we used as a as a [TS]

  aircraft carrier for balsa wood [TS]

  airplanes nice so that you wouldn't [TS]

  throw it you'd actually wind up and then [TS]

  sit on its wheels at one end of this [TS]

  piece of plywood and it would run off [TS]

  and flying that my greatest triumph [TS]

  probably in my life [TS]

  yeah was one time i set a playoff it [TS]

  went up in the air looped around and [TS]

  came back and landed on the same piece [TS]

  of plywood that's that's a Black Swan [TS]

  you don't see that every day and weekend [TS]

  performance characteristics those were [TS]

  very uneven oh my god i was about twenty [TS]

  percent of the time they were just [TS]

  plummet into the groundbreaking [TS]

  immediately immediately is that like [TS]

  even if you got you have to get the we [TS]

  have to figure out the peculiarities to [TS]

  what [TS]

  able to make the lingo what angle to [TS]

  make the tail fin go and then by the [TS]

  time you figure that out it was broken [TS]

  it was broken right but i did this and [TS]

  all the kids it was one of those things [TS]

  that sometimes you see on the internet [TS]

  now where some kid hits a three point [TS]

  shot from 40 feet away whatever it is [TS]

  some amazing skateboard trip and trick [TS]

  and all of his friends all drop to their [TS]

  knees in incredulity and what I scored [TS]

  this balsa wood flight you know you know [TS]

  what can you do except flop on the [TS]

  ground [TS]

  yeah and make the universal sound which [TS]

  is oh they're probably still talking [TS]

  about today I've never I've never going [TS]

  to reach those heights again [TS]

  what can i what could i do now where [TS]

  everybody would drop to their knees and [TS]

  go all em think about it what what what [TS]

  could you possibly do where first of all [TS]

  where would you ever be with you were [TS]

  there with five friends [TS]

  yeah and then secondly what are you [TS]

  getting at google chat or something and [TS]

  just be like just just drop some google [TS]

  chat science on people [TS]

  ya know what what what am I gonna do I'm [TS]

  not gonna hit a baseball out of a part [TS]

  of a park [TS]

  you'd have to warm up a lot i used to be [TS]

  able to do that hit a baseball hard [TS]

  nice to be a hitter I was a header so [TS]

  right oh yeah yeah i had the highest [TS]

  average on my team for a while because I [TS]

  didn't play very much for playing the [TS]

  numbers you Merlin was the star hitter [TS]

  ipad 764 a while [TS]

  the thing is I didn't play very much and [TS]

  I wasn't good they couldn't catch the [TS]

  ball [TS]

  uh-huh yeah I'm very sympathetic to my [TS]

  daughter's desire to avoid activity [TS]

  especially team sports and it drives my [TS]

  wife crazy [TS]

  this should be there I should be there [TS]

  pulling say hey you know it's good you [TS]

  know you should do brownies you should [TS]

  do soccer you should do all the things [TS]

  you know because character [TS]

  yeah but I'm like all I think it's like [TS]

  a God's having to go somewhere where an [TS]

  outfit and sit in the Sun on a bench and [TS]

  like and and then just be envious of [TS]

  everyone he and his entire that's that's [TS]

  my bio he and Annie and and Madeline [TS]

  feels like it is important to build [TS]

  character for a child to be a [TS]

  slept around and been put through [TS]

  childhood ringer that's a very it's a [TS]

  very good question and we actually are [TS]

  not so far off on this what we do [TS]

  realize is that i mean not to not to [TS]

  beat this into the ground but i have an [TS]

  ongoing concern about the incursion of [TS]

  institutions into like my child's free [TS]

  time for my child's childtime really [TS]

  and even though she's only she's about [TS]

  to finish second grade but you know if [TS]

  she did her homework really well-liked [TS]

  and it did the spelling and the [TS]

  assignment all that she would have a [TS]

  half an hour a day to be a kit [TS]

  really yeah how do we get em how do we [TS]

  get our children out of this [TS]

  how do we get to let them achieve escape [TS]

  velocity from this madness Miner's [TS]

  Daughter that's a great question i think [TS]

  there are I think there are probably a [TS]

  couple ways and I think well I think the [TS]

  one that's here's the thing [TS]

  first of all I mean I i have had a [TS]

  feeling this would be true with reading [TS]

  and it definitely in my kit much as case [TS]

  turned out to be true with reading which [TS]

  is like if your child is very interested [TS]

  in something whether that's a cartoon [TS]

  show or minecraft or princesses or [TS]

  whatever the if they're interested they [TS]

  will learn to read a lot faster [TS]

  I think this is a kind of pseudo [TS]

  documented thing like if your kid is [TS]

  just you know if you just put with all [TS]

  respect I know you love the dick and [TS]

  Janes if you put like perfunctory books [TS]

  in front of your kid is gonna feel like [TS]

  school but if they're very like [TS]

  incentivized they will learn to read the [TS]

  part of it is finding finding a cart [TS]

  that you can hook that horse too and it [TS]

  won't mind [TS]

  mm so in some cases that's just running [TS]

  around the park the other thing is and [TS]

  this is again something Louie CK said i [TS]

  think i mentioned here before suddenly [TS]

  ck said a few years ago that when i [TS]

  heard it before i had a kid i giggled [TS]

  but now it's true you know you know you [TS]

  know the reason you can't have that you [TS]

  can't have that because you wanted you [TS]

  know what you have to do that you have [TS]

  to do that because you don't want to do [TS]

  it so my feeling is almost done [TS]

  my feeling is for stuff like let's go [TS]

  take a walk after dinner [TS]

  that's a good pseudo forcing thing [TS]

  meeting to like five years of scouts or [TS]

  whatever like a not so much because they [TS]

  you know they should get a chance to [TS]

  have those preferences sometimes but the [TS]

  thing is our kids bounce back so if we [TS]

  for sure going to walk after dinner [TS]

  which can be a lovely thing to do you [TS]

  know that is a nice thing to do [TS]

  the nice cool you know spring air chance [TS]

  of having a good time that she doesn't [TS]

  want to go back [TS]

  yeah just how it works but so I think [TS]

  it's a combination of figuring out you [TS]

  know and I'm not just saying this to be [TS]

  like some stupid liberal parent of our [TS]

  time but i think it's true for any time [TS]

  when you figure out what your kids [TS]

  interested in and then let them discover [TS]

  it more on their own [TS]

  that's all the incentive they need apart [TS]

  from the things you force them to do [TS]

  what you want to do when you go 400 [TS]

  after-dinner walk with your family doing [TS]

  your wife hold hands [TS]

  uh no sometimes yeah that sometimes it's [TS]

  not it's no it's not a typical thing I [TS]

  don't think you do that to your old well [TS]

  i was just that reason i ask i was 'just [TS]

  driving here and I saw a couple walking [TS]

  along in silence both what kind of [TS]

  frowny faces walking along the street [TS]

  with strange strip of the road where [TS]

  I've seldom see anyone walking holding [TS]

  hands [TS]

  they both have brown faces on they [TS]

  weren't talking to each other they were [TS]

  just walking but holding hands and I was [TS]

  like me holding hands [TS]

  that's a that's a way of expressing [TS]

  affection for another person or just [TS]

  letting the no world know that you're [TS]

  chained together for eternity here we [TS]

  are here we are I can't get this other [TS]

  person off of me [TS]

  mhm but it was it was you know it it's [TS]

  almost like everyone's like you're both [TS]

  holding the plunger for the explosive [TS]

  device and you don't want the other [TS]

  person to get it exclusively you know [TS]

  how uh huh [TS]

  like who just assume assume there's a [TS]

  plunger in there okay [TS]

  contact walking down the street oh i see [TS]

  i was thinkin toilet plunger not be [TS]

  adorable [TS]

  wow that's a real commitment i don't [TS]

  want to do this you don't want to do [TS]

  this let's do this together fork fork [TS]

  Fork [TS]

  yeah you borrow that like at a gas [TS]

  station to go to the bathroom we keep it [TS]

  and that becomes a temple for your [TS]

  relationship [TS]

  alright because that was the key to the [TS]

  bathroom was on the blender [TS]

  yeah yeah yeah I feel like the I feel [TS]

  like the number-one problem in my life [TS]

  and I'm extending this to my life with [TS]

  my child is that I don't get a early i [TS]

  don't get up early enough i keep wanting [TS]

  there to be 28 hour days and the reason [TS]

  I want there to be 28 hour days is that [TS]

  I want to get up at eleven 1030 [TS]

  and then I want to have access to an [TS]

  entire day and I feel like if you got up [TS]

  at if you were one of those parents that [TS]

  took your kids to swim swimming and got [TS]

  up at five in the morning I don't know [TS]

  how people do it where is the time to do [TS]

  all these things because when in the in [TS]

  the afternoons we do one thing as you're [TS]

  saying and then it's it's 220 o'clock or [TS]

  something i know you know i guess i [TS]

  don't understand how others i don't know [TS]

  how other people do it and when i was [TS]

  when i was young it seemed like days [TS]

  just stretched into eternity right and [TS]

  now I wake up I go downstairs I sit on [TS]

  the couch i have a cup of coffee and [TS]

  many and of course you take a little nap [TS]

  then yeah yeah and then you get up you [TS]

  make a peanut butter sandwich and it's [TS]

  fucking 1130 i completely agree i [TS]

  completely agree [TS]

  what are you supposed to do I mean and I [TS]

  keep honestly I cannot accept I cannot [TS]

  accept 24-hour days and I keep feeling [TS]

  that they keep rebelling against them in [TS]

  my spirit and saying this is outrageous [TS]

  how can you Limit a day to 24 hours why [TS]

  is the is the is the earth getting [TS]

  closer to the Sun is that what is that [TS]

  there's definitely some compression [TS]

  going on because I feel the same way and [TS]

  and part of it is for me and I don't [TS]

  want to just say it's a matter of [TS]

  getting older all that that's certainly [TS]

  a factor but it takes more time to kind [TS]

  of ramped up to where I want to be and [TS]

  for me to get ramped up to where i want [TS]

  to be i get about a half hour starting [TS]

  around two men my sugar rapidly drops [TS]

  and i'm basically ready to just watch TV [TS]

  and go to sleep [TS]

  yeah and that if that let me ask this is [TS]

  a question for the physicists in our [TS]

  audiences if the earth started spinning [TS]

  faster would the clocks also start [TS]

  spinning faster i think this is due to [TS]

  relativity well I think it's probably [TS]

  relativity it's by a little bit of [TS]

  science I think I think what happens is [TS]

  though even if you're measuring tools [TS]

  are changing to you know I'm saying [TS]

  right go on go on [TS]

  well I'm just saying if the earth is [TS]

  changing well with with regards to [TS]

  rotation or or sun placement or you know [TS]

  becoming slightly oblong I don't know [TS]

  the exact reasons but the thing is how [TS]

  would you know how could you know [TS]

  because maybe your tools maybe your [TS]

  tools [TS]

  nuh-uh changed as well no this is my [TS]

  question if clock started going faster [TS]

  would we retain our perception of how [TS]

  old or how long days used to be right [TS]

  when we maintain some kind of autonomy [TS]

  from this or would what if our day is [TS]

  what if our days are only a millisecond [TS]

  longer and we don't know it [TS]

  whoa right yeah right right but so I've [TS]

  been noticing that Orion appears to be [TS]

  lower and lower in the sky all the time [TS]

  like it's like it's just slipping a [TS]

  little bit [TS]

  oh yeah like out of the out of the [TS]

  firmament I look up and I'm like wait a [TS]

  minute that's not where you are [TS]

  that's not where you bland interesting [TS]

  that's an interesting thing and I'm i [TS]

  see no I'm not an astronomer but but [TS]

  it's interesting to me that like you [TS]

  know first of all Orion is the one [TS]

  constellation I can almost always find [TS]

  this could be an availability heuristic [TS]

  i'm finding a ryan a lot easier than I [TS]

  would like [TS]

  I think maybe it had some kind of [TS]

  promotion maybe it's got special offers [TS]

  by amazon but there's something where I [TS]

  feel like I'm seeing too much Orion you [TS]

  feel like it's a Promoted Tweet or it's [TS]

  a it's something that's been don't even [TS]

  know how how would I even know pumped up [TS]

  in your timeline [TS]

  well I feel like I would know because i [TS]

  have marked marked it in my imaginary [TS]

  space place you know what it in in my in [TS]

  my terrarium when I lay back and look up [TS]

  at my terrarium yeah there it is [TS]

  belongs in a certain place so I'm afraid [TS]

  that there might be some acceleration [TS]

  happening and and we are just were [TS]

  separated from it [TS]

  maybe maybe it's all the jumping up in [TS]

  the air i do with every time I jump up [TS]

  in the air the earth like I'm somehow [TS]

  become detached from the earth long [TS]

  enough for me to notice that time is [TS]

  accelerating whoa huh [TS]

  I maybe I should stop jumping up in the [TS]

  air maybe I should just submit to a [TS]

  bounded miss what if you could only [TS]

  become aware of these my new changes in [TS]

  the time that you itself uh look um mode [TS]

  it faded up into the air on your own [TS]

  what if that was your your single moment [TS]

  of clarity with the amount of time that [TS]

  you could propel yourself into the air [TS]

  mean what if we learned that all inside [TS]

  could only come from jumping in the air [TS]

  I'm not talking about I'm not having [TS]

  about gliding i'm not talking about [TS]

  space kites [TS]

  yeah i'm not talking about playing [TS]

  playing parachuting I'm saying you've [TS]

  got you gotta do it in and you know what [TS]

  i'm going to say trampoline is is [TS]

  cheating the universe would know right [TS]

  right no you have to you have to [TS]

  actively and independently resist [TS]

  gravity it's like the matrix because we [TS]

  don't even know what gravity is bro [TS]

  nobody really knows so maybe gravity is [TS]

  just like an inhibited it's an inhibitor [TS]

  it's like it's like a governor on on one [TS]

  of those u-haul trucks [TS]

  yeah it's a governor right you can't get [TS]

  you can't go faster than 55 miles an [TS]

  hour unless you jump em I'm I'm not [TS]

  saying I'm not saying this is like [TS]

  canonical science [TS]

  well I mean is there really such a thing [TS]

  yeah thank you [TS]

  maybe the canonical I can't be science I [TS]

  share that I'm sure that more spiritual [TS]

  ality at that point right or literature [TS]

  there's a lot of there's a lot of [TS]

  spirituality and what we're saying [TS]

  absolutely i think i think more people [TS]

  more people need to get with that I have [TS]

  faith [TS]

  I seriously do have faith that I'm gonna [TS]

  be able to accomplish a 28-hour day one [TS]

  day faith gets a bad rap because it gets [TS]

  closely associated with the jesus and [TS]

  that's fine for what it is or the whole [TS]

  idea of God writ large trouble if you [TS]

  can have faith about lots of things that [TS]

  you have any evidence for I guess it [TS]

  could be a kind of magical thinking I [TS]

  prefer to think of it as spiritual [TS]

  thinking I had a question the other day [TS]

  let's say I was in the abu dhabi airport [TS]

  ok and i wanted to buy at Alice man of [TS]

  some kind of expensive jewelry store i [TS]

  wanted to buy some commemorative [TS]

  necklace and let's say I was walking [TS]

  through the abu dhabi airport like if [TS]

  you're walking through the Vatican City [TS]

  Airport they got an airport that's a [TS]

  little airport he go to Rome [TS]

  well sure but if you would go to Rome if [TS]

  you can't afford to fly out of Vatican [TS]

  City I Saints bespoke right red and it's [TS]

  like if you have to ask is there an [TS]

  airport in Vatican City there isn't one [TS]

  each can't afford it i think but let's [TS]

  say I'm walking through the Vatican City [TS]

  Airport and I'm and i bought a little [TS]

  that's a bottle of [TS]

  religious icon in the shape of a cross [TS]

  mhm and let's say I encounter a cardinal [TS]

  right we're waiting for our flight [TS]

  it'sit's southwest right so we're gonna [TS]

  there's no way sorry lineup and yeah [TS]

  there's gonna be a little tussling right [TS]

  we're both in group 2 i'm like a [TS]

  cardinal miter miter miter miter filson [TS]

  bag miter miter up [TS]

  uh-huh well let's say I'm outlets have [TS]

  been in Vatican City long enough that [TS]

  I've gotta that I've gotta crook'd staff [TS]

  ok right but I put some jingles on it so [TS]

  it's a good it's a jingle staff and but [TS]

  I want this I want this little a cross [TS]

  imbued with some religiosity and blue [TS]

  imbued with some magic [TS]

  mmm if I turn to the Cardinal is a [TS]

  cardinal would you bless my little [TS]

  talents man because i'm gonna give it to [TS]

  some I'm gonna give it to my daughter as [TS]

  a protector or against the unknown the [TS]

  dark arts and right well I i don't know [TS]

  but i think that a cardinal could go to [TS]

  dominate spirit to sink to on it right [TS]

  and then it would be more magical may be [TS]

  imbued it right yeah yeah yeah no I mean [TS]

  it said not unlike what you might call a [TS]

  blessing and I suspect that they have [TS]

  once you reach the level of Cardinals [TS]

  it's probably like a free buffet like [TS]

  you can you can imbue or charm or [TS]

  blessed probably as many things as you [TS]

  want you could probably accept gratuity [TS]

  for it [TS]

  sure right let's say I slipped him a [TS]

  five and I say put a little bit of put a [TS]

  little mojo on this little but let's say [TS]

  you put some English on it yeah right [TS]

  and then i can give this little cross to [TS]

  my kid and who knows what it will [TS]

  protect against you there's no again no [TS]

  control group but better to have it the [TS]

  not write better to have a deathbed [TS]

  conversion sure then to nothing to just [TS]

  go into the unknown and maybe you maybe [TS]

  you die in here like brouhaha was like [TS]

  Pascal said you know I piss on a spark [TS]

  plug if I thought it'd do any good [TS]

  alright pretty small it's not anything [TS]

  you know who's hurting [TS]

  well so this is what is what i'm asking [TS]

  i do not know enough [TS]

  about Islam to know if I'm in the abu [TS]

  dhabi airport and i buy some sort of [TS]

  talents man that has a little glyph on [TS]

  it if I see an imam walking through the [TS]

  airport which I surely would [TS]

  hmm can I walk up to the Imam and say [TS]

  put a little English or a little Arabic [TS]

  on this little guy right give me some [TS]

  give me some olive power or is that not [TS]

  a thing that they do because it seems [TS]

  like there it seems like Islam as is [TS]

  more like not into witchcraft telling [TS]

  almost get an autograph from God exactly [TS]

  right like you're this you're worried a [TS]

  little bit sounds like if I hear you're [TS]

  saying like would it work [TS]

  first of all let's talk in terms of you [TS]

  know efficacy can I get in a mom to [TS]

  place my cliff but also its is it [TS]

  socially acceptable in the abu dhabi [TS]

  airport to walk up to 2 and mom and ask [TS]

  for some kind of us like a you know a [TS]

  guardian leviosa some kind of give me a [TS]

  spell gimme a charm here Yeah Yeah Yeah [TS]

  right [TS]

  if you even mom this is what I don't [TS]

  know about Islam if your mom lays hands [TS]

  on a glyph does it imbue and I think [TS]

  it's a lot like Harry Potter I i bet i [TS]

  bet we are models right we are we are no [TS]

  you didn't read this in the end when [TS]

  you're in a brig on a ship you read [TS]

  Harry Potter when you're in a ship jail [TS]

  I feel like I was living in a closet [TS]

  yeah and ilu cupboard under the stairs [TS]

  yeah their work for that was yeah i was [TS]

  in a I was it wasn't it wasn't so much [TS]

  like Harry Potter I was no I was in a [TS]

  bureau i was in a row i walked into B [TS]

  into the bureau going to the wardrobe [TS]

  and you get a fur coat and there was [TS]

  some kind of lying in there and I had [TS]

  nothing to do nowhere to go to and they [TS]

  were 45 Harry Potter books in the in [TS]

  this in this wardrobe and I you know I [TS]

  consumed them [TS]

  yeah so I have enough have enough [TS]

  knowledge that if somebody if somebody [TS]

  uses the word model i can I could not [TS]

  knowing like to go haha yes right if [TS]

  somebody says that the red wedding [TS]

  uh-huh no yeah [TS]

  and winter dress code or door right I [TS]

  get it I get it [TS]

  uh I know what you mean and the thing is [TS]

  that you want to be careful it is a lot [TS]

  like their moms you with all due respect [TS]

  to the horse community you don't want to [TS]

  go head-to-head with harry potter people [TS]

  i know there's no I mean my things I'm [TS]

  very late to harry potter semi harry [TS]

  potter jokes are already like 15 years [TS]

  old and I just don't know it yet [TS]

  sure you know what i mean but it's a lot [TS]

  but here's what we do know as you get [TS]

  further into the books you get into like [TS]

  you know 345 you get into understanding [TS]

  and got the ministry of magic and then [TS]

  part of the job of the ministry of magic [TS]

  you take somebody like Arthur Weasley [TS]

  his job is to look at stuff that's [TS]

  happening in with the Mughals we gotta [TS]

  keep this copacetic [TS]

  we need to make sure that they don't [TS]

  find out too much about what the [TS]

  wizarding world is up to know your [TS]

  that's a lot like islam i think i may [TS]

  not not in a bad way but it but in that [TS]

  you know you wouldn't walk up to [TS]

  Dumbledore in the Vatican airport and [TS]

  ask him ask you to bless your wand you [TS]

  know what I mean I well I do I'm my [TS]

  problem with harry potter i know you [TS]

  just said you said do not go up against [TS]

  the harry potter people up to you buddy [TS]

  but I hear you're gonna get some else [TS]

  but whatever thing is Quidditch is in a [TS]

  real game footage is this should just be [TS]

  a quarterly segment on the show my [TS]

  daughter was explaining how quick is not [TS]

  actually bullshit but i don't buy her [TS]

  explanation of it i still think it's [TS]

  bullshit if you play chutes and ladders [TS]

  you know what's gonna happen right you [TS]

  go down the you go down the chute if you [TS]

  roll the dice wrong or whatever I for [TS]

  having played chutes and ladders in a [TS]

  long time [TS]

  well like like you like Candyland well [TS]

  actually we have a way that we play [TS]

  we've added some some some strategies [TS]

  the consequences all know you have a [TS]

  consequence the only way i can have been [TS]

  able to bear candyland since she was [TS]

  about to was to ask some strategy to it [TS]

  which I have done se but it's still [TS]

  largely game of chance but i but i but I [TS]

  take your meaning exactly [TS]

  yeah and it seems to me that Quidditch [TS]

  is like sort of like watching the [TS]

  television show Lost we're going to find [TS]

  a solution of character makes any sense [TS]

  you can enjoy [TS]

  yeah right like that's precisely it like [TS]

  it [TS]

  everybody's chasing around chasing [TS]

  around and really all it is about [TS]

  catching this little ball and if you [TS]

  catch the little ball it's my [TS]

  understanding that if you catch this is [TS]

  where my daughter schooled me where [TS]

  going on the other day and she told me I [TS]

  was telling her about which is bullshit [TS]

  which we always talk about it she says [TS]

  no actually it's not because it's my [TS]

  understanding was soon as you keep your [TS]

  secret catches the snitch two things [TS]

  happen you get a hundred fifty points in [TS]

  the game is over right [TS]

  what she's telling me and I'm do again [TS]

  right my daughter not me but she says no [TS]

  but here's the thing if the other side [TS]

  has gotten like 250 points but hasn't [TS]

  gotten the snitch cotton I i don't know [TS]

  i don't i didn't know you could put up [TS]

  those kinds of numbers but apparently [TS]

  it's like cricket right like Premier Li [TS]

  cricket was like a month because of the [TS]

  games or 40 years long [TS]

  yeah yeah well apparently includes the [TS]

  game can go on so long that you can [TS]

  actually go and train new people who [TS]

  don't know about quidditch to be [TS]

  replacement by the time the end of the [TS]

  game comes around but so side to let's [TS]

  say let's say slytherin is up to their [TS]

  up to 250 points right catching the [TS]

  little no no no they got they got the [TS]

  bludger and they've been putting [TS]

  legitimate quidditch points on the [TS]

  quidditch board and then fucking harry [TS]

  potter comes along he catches the snitch [TS]

  guess what happens two things number one [TS]

  boom hundred fifty points number 2 game [TS]

  ends [TS]

  trouble is I yeah okay the game ends [TS]

  automatically whether a catch the flying [TS]

  the wind ball [TS]

  yeah that game is over whether you want [TS]

  it to be or not exactly so if that's [TS]

  true and I don't really care whether it [TS]

  is because the game still bullshit that [TS]

  that it makes it interesting strategic [TS]

  it becomes a little bit like cricket or [TS]

  one of those terrible games of football [TS]

  we try to run down the clock right [TS]

  that's the worst if you're watching the [TS]

  football and you get in the other teen [TS]

  and I don't do that anymore because of [TS]

  you know timers and stuff but it used to [TS]

  be you just do like the [TS]

  not really gonna try and the clock would [TS]

  run down that you run the Heisman over [TS]

  and over here on that run a Heisman or [TS]

  Flickr yeah you do flickr absolutely so [TS]

  i don't know i don't know this has to do [TS]

  with Islam but I imagine there are rules [TS]

  that are hard for any model to [TS]

  understand outside the community [TS]

  well I've never see I don't even [TS]

  understand all the rules of Catholicism [TS]

  but at least within Catholicism makeup [TS]

  box you can look it up do they have [TS]

  well I can read the books i think there [TS]

  but also you know there's a lot of [TS]

  signifying that happens with the hats [TS]

  right you look at you look at a Catholic [TS]

  Cubs a priest of some kind and and it's [TS]

  the end the vestments tell the tale [TS]

  right the taller the hand the the the [TS]

  longer the chat [TS]

  yeah there you go I don't know i'll [TS]

  holler the Hat the bigger the bigger the [TS]

  mass this episode of Roderick on the [TS]

  line is brought to you by Squarespace [TS]

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  our thanks to squarespace for supporting [TS]

  runner online and all the great shows [TS]

  yeah right its yeah the thicker than [TS]

  nicker the mat so i but but within Islam [TS]

  it seems like there's a lot of there's [TS]

  more of a sort of humility action where [TS]

  the Imams are not as they get bigger as [TS]

  they get more influential they don't put [TS]

  gold braid on their shoulder pads [TS]

  hmm it's just all like Jonathan Jonathan [TS]

  Pryce on Game of Thrones like he's like [TS]

  he's a big gun no spoilers he's a big [TS]

  gun in this religious cult but he still [TS]

  dresses you know like like a hobo [TS]

  that's part of the thing he's wearing a [TS]

  gunnysack he's wearing a gunnysack he's [TS]

  not gonna have a gunnysack with epaulets [TS]

  now we're actually pretty smart look and [TS]

  if you if you're if you're looking at [TS]

  like Orthodox rabbis em it the longer [TS]

  the beard the quitter that like the [TS]

  greater the weird longer the beard the [TS]

  the greater the weird [TS]

  yeah mm right like so you can tell the [TS]

  big-time rabbis for the most part by the [TS]

  great [TS]

  miss of the beard and the way the curly [TS]

  sideburns if you get a big long curly [TS]

  sideburns that means you've been in the [TS]

  game for a while is assuming you don't [TS]

  have extensions muscle right well you [TS]

  see a lot of young guys with my kids and [TS]

  supporting some serious and then they [TS]

  got the little got the Cyclops uh [TS]

  packets on their head that's got a [TS]

  prayer in it is that right yeah well be [TS]

  nailed to the door and nobody else I'd [TS]

  like to thank God know that yet they [TS]

  killed the lamb so don't hurt my kid [TS]

  yeah it gets a little confusing to me [TS]

  there to think about this [TS]

  why is this day different from all other [TS]

  days monday am i right [TS]

  yeah the other thing to think about is [TS]

  and I I don't wanna I don't wanna get in [TS]

  trouble [TS]

  I think we're already in trouble okay [TS]

  think think about another recently [TS]

  minted pseudo religious movement that [TS]

  started in let's say the fifties or [TS]

  sixties ah that came along that involves [TS]

  free stress tests in boats right let's [TS]

  say for the sake of parties can meet [TS]

  this could be a lot of different modern [TS]

  religious movements sure what we what we [TS]

  know about that well the answer is [TS]

  officially not much and that's the point [TS]

  because you gotta move up to your levels [TS]

  Yeah Yeah Yeah right but you're a winner [TS]

  or to your one or two you're basically [TS]

  writing checks you get to level three [TS]

  and stuff starts to happen and then you [TS]

  get that level where you wear your eyes [TS]

  will blow out if you're not ready to [TS]

  read it well so what happens if you get [TS]

  up to 33 third level 30 third level [TS]

  right you get the apron they push off a [TS]

  cliff [TS]

  ok but the banking machine and then you [TS]

  realize that its foes it's always been [TS]

  the photos [TS]

  yeah all the way down and there but the [TS]

  thing is if I bump into a 33rd degrees [TS]

  let's say for instance member of this [TS]

  religion that is based on science sure [TS]

  am I gonna know is there going to be [TS]

  something where there where they've got [TS]

  like a the sides of their hair is white [TS]

  sort of like Jimmy to fish or whatever [TS]

  okay or is it a thing where their [TS]

  eyebrows get really hectic or talking [TS]

  about like from the spice something [TS]

  happens when there's an accumulation of [TS]

  something whether that thatthat's hair [TS]

  or the spice or wisdom or or various [TS]

  info powers but something [TS]

  that will show you that this person's [TS]

  they've been in the shit yeah right some [TS]

  some kind of a like a like Sheen to [TS]

  their coat or a brightness in their eyes [TS]

  or their teeth and gums look good like a [TS]

  clown nose cold nose some way to [TS]

  identify a high-ranking member of this [TS]

  particular a knowledge that's right [TS]

  that's a really good question that is [TS]

  what I'm interested in I understand [TS]

  hierarchical systems is what I'm saying [TS]

  and in situations where where Jonathan [TS]

  prices in a gunnysack yeah you can tell [TS]

  at least no spoilers right but you can [TS]

  tell he is that the most humbly dressed [TS]

  and so even there [TS]

  there's a system in place where you can [TS]

  say the old guy in the gunnysack is top [TS]

  dog was this is the couple of a [TS]

  carpenter [TS]

  yeah exactly right he's beyond his [TS]

  humility and all you pull Gandhi like [TS]

  that the guy in the underwear right over [TS]

  here he's the head guy [TS]

  yeah over here they got no soup yeah [TS]

  yeah this guy over here not me not me so [TS]

  yeah exactly like Gandhi's wearing [TS]

  homespun diaper he could he could afford [TS]

  nicer ones he could afford a lot nicer [TS]

  ones he could have you ever seen that [TS]

  picture of a young Gandhi when he was a [TS]

  lawyer in South Africans incredibly [TS]

  handsome wearing a three-piece suit with [TS]

  the tall tall collared shirt he looks [TS]

  tremendous he looks like somebody that [TS]

  could work for chase bank who got a can [TS]

  it looks tremendous he does look [TS]

  tremendous he's very handsome young man [TS]

  it was a Hindu John I mean as far as we [TS]

  know [TS]

  yes ok let's say yes ok ok let's say yes [TS]

  for the sake of our but it could be a [TS]

  really throws a loop when you think you [TS]

  think about the guy in the underwear [TS]

  with the crowds and then you find out [TS]

  that you know he was like he was he was [TS]

  a lawyer you know right John that you [TS]

  can't be a lawyer in a diaper for [TS]

  Michael the great Morrissey songs but uh [TS]

  but but still it's it's very interesting [TS]

  she pushed him in 120 the team's 220 [TS]

  zzz's all decked out in in western wear [TS]

  western wear [TS]

  maybe not like John Travolta but yeah [TS]

  what Western Western Wear yeah he's got [TS]

  the Lariat basically Ricky going to [TS]

  mickey's [TS]

  but my my my feeling is that you've got [TS]

  to be able to look at a cleric and [TS]

  recognize some quality in them like [TS]

  David Koresh had the darkest sunglasses [TS]

  Oh Jim Jones dark sunglasses dark [TS]

  sunglasses yes i did he had a big chair [TS]

  then you have a big wicker chair like to [TS]

  sit in Jim Jones had a big chair I don't [TS]

  think David there wasn't room in the inn [TS]

  David crashes compound for a big chair [TS]

  hmm but he did have like a virgin to [TS]

  flowering bed [TS]

  ok something to to communicate to [TS]

  everybody that he's the big wheel [TS]

  ok ok and so that's where that's where I [TS]

  get lost like like I walk around I walk [TS]

  around with a kind of tempo where you [TS]

  under that's right it's all about tempo [TS]

  tempo in my religion is not even a meter [TS]

  it's it's a temple you gotta you gotta [TS]

  you gotta groove [TS]

  yeah if you see me walking around you'll [TS]

  notice that i have a that I have a tempo [TS]

  which communicates that I am the leader [TS]

  of my Colt that's true and you would be [TS]

  able to pick me out of a crowd got 40 [TS]

  people walking around in a big circle [TS]

  let's say right I'll I see what you're [TS]

  saying and you'd say you'd look around [TS]

  you'd be like it's just a bunch of [TS]

  undifferentiated people walking in a [TS]

  circle right but Dad that's not actually [TS]

  the case that's right then you would say [TS]

  there's one person's got a little bit [TS]

  different tempo felt that way about [TS]

  robert de niro walking around in the EMT [TS]

  uniforms in heat right before he steals [TS]

  the ambulance i'm thinking you know what [TS]

  you totally know that's fucking robert [TS]

  de niro yeah you're not gonna mistake [TS]

  that guy for just an ambulance driver [TS]

  no he's not and he's he's at least a [TS]

  paramedic [TS]

  this is the thing about movies that's [TS]

  fake yeah it's true right it's like quit [TS]

  you get people to come in there and [TS]

  pretend there's somebody else [TS]

  yeah there's a lot there's a lot of [TS]

  similarities here's the other thing now [TS]

  this is I think this is showing the [TS]

  wizarding world i'm almost positive this [TS]

  is true in the science religion from the [TS]

  fifties here's the thing and I'm [TS]

  wondering now i have to tell you as I [TS]

  sit here today I'm wondering is this [TS]

  true of all religions Wizarding or [TS]

  otherwise you get a certain idea about [TS]

  what this thing is you go to vacation [TS]

  bible school you make things with [TS]

  popsicle sticks they pour water on your [TS]

  head [TS]

  you get to drink some wine 5 10 15 years [TS]

  ago by you're just moving up a you know [TS]

  just a little curve you're learning more [TS]

  about your well your knowledge your [TS]

  deepen your knowledge of well-known [TS]

  topics [TS]

  the thing is as far as i know in [TS]

  Christianity there's not a day when they [TS]

  say okay let's say what's really going [TS]

  on here right you don't reach a certain [TS]

  level where you've tied enough to get [TS]

  behind the curtain you become a six or [TS]

  seven in Jesus and you move up in it [TS]

  they say no no this is actually you know [TS]

  actually it's all about lizard people [TS]

  well we don't know though we don't know [TS]

  is I've never been there [TS]

  I when you're when you go into the [TS]

  Cathedral in Sevilla and they come out [TS]

  from behind the gold tower a witch all [TS]

  the big churches have right they're [TS]

  gonna have a gold tower m and the [TS]

  priests don't come walking down the [TS]

  aisle like they're getting married a [TS]

  float [TS]

  no they don't and they're not coming up [TS]

  on a dumbwaiter they're coming out there [TS]

  coming out from behind the gold tower [TS]

  you don't know what's back there could [TS]

  be no it could be jealous though it [TS]

  could be a giant book that says it's all [TS]

  about the lizard people [TS]

  uh-huh right right right it's like when [TS]

  somebody gets when somebody just knocked [TS]

  in the gift shrunk right you don't not [TS]

  this is dangerous information not [TS]

  everybody can know about this [TS]

  it's why the the election for the US [TS]

  president happens on November third hmm [TS]

  but they don't swear min until january [TS]

  fifteenth or whatever because that's the [TS]

  amount of time you can pour off the [TS]

  drives [TS]

  no no no they're taking them to area 51 [TS]

  they're taken 40 stories down into the [TS]

  into the underground caverns and they're [TS]

  introducing him to gleep glop and [TS]

  they're saying all right now you're the [TS]

  president you gotta know Glee Club be [TS]

  Club lo abri proper food and the [TS]

  president's like shit [TS]

  people can't know about this and all the [TS]

  generals with the braids on your hats [TS]

  are like that's right [TS]

  yep but what if one clip clop is just a [TS]

  cover story like what if the area 51 [TS]

  so what's called that's right like what [TS]

  if that is the plausible cover story [TS]

  with something that's actually much more [TS]

  fucked up that's what I'm saying it's [TS]

  glip glops all the way down you [TS]

  going to me clip clop and they go you [TS]

  know what now you're no t1 welcome [TS]

  because I hold the soup cans [TS]

  it's about to get really fucking weird [TS]

  that's how it happens all the time the [TS]

  first Rolling Stone you meet his bill [TS]

  wyman and you feel like shit that's from [TS]

  that book the five Rolling Stones you [TS]

  meet in heaven [TS]

  yeah this is bye-bye just I mean a [TS]

  rolling stone holy shit you fall on the [TS]

  ground you're like whoa it's like Lana [TS]

  skateboard tricks that you say to your [TS]

  friends holy shit guess what I got to [TS]

  meet one of the rolling stones and you [TS]

  go holy shit wasn't making out no no I [TS]

  was a key [TS]

  no Charlie no no it wasn't Roger Waters [TS]

  no chuckles was it it was alignment I [TS]

  got to meet got to meet my summer [TS]

  rainbow and then you realize like a [TS]

  little while ago that you go that's [TS]

  pretty cool [TS]

  that's that's right is he still in the [TS]

  band no no I haven't been in the band [TS]

  since the night now it's not the band [TS]

  anymore but that's cool you got to meet [TS]

  him [TS]

  that's that's that's nice but why was [TS]

  gonna make the nineties look like the [TS]

  six but that's the thing you can get me [TS]

  Manzarek left hand [TS]

  yeah alright that's the bass player of [TS]

  the band you uniquely plop your 40 [TS]

  stories under the desert haha and you're [TS]

  like shit i'm the president of the [TS]

  United States just sitting there sipping [TS]

  Sun tea watching his stories on TV [TS]

  yeah but clip clubs that's got a [TS]

  teleprompter inside of his heads up [TS]

  display and an eyeball little feedback [TS]

  and he's like hold on hold on hold on [TS]

  I'm gonna get a message from the big [TS]

  transmitter in the sky but really it's [TS]

  three guys in a room on the 43rd floor [TS]

  right there like club years with tell [TS]

  the president [TS]

  okay right right right everything you [TS]

  had get plus true i'm not only one of my [TS]

  kind i totally came here in the fifties [TS]

  bleep blop blip club and they went to [TS]

  tell him until he's ready right this is [TS]

  the whole basis of the system but what [TS]

  does the system inside the system [TS]

  what if there's a Wizarding World inside [TS]

  the what there's any mom calling from [TS]

  inside the Imam and what a bleep blorp [TS]

  clip-clop clip-clop is just the tip of [TS]

  the iceberg [TS]

  he has to be right because somewhere I [TS]

  mean clocks the one they dropped off [TS]

  right right they don't drop off the big [TS]

  baby he could be the Zeppo of his planet [TS]

  exactly right and they might have [TS]

  frankly they might have been like we [TS]

  gotta get sleep off of the ship uh below [TS]

  okay fine don't take off your gloves not [TS]

  here no like not but we gotta do pull a [TS]

  Martian on it right just leaving behind [TS]

  let him go figure out how to grow stuff [TS]

  inside the spaceship [TS]

  this is the thing about space Mussolini [TS]

  he makes the ship's run on time [TS]

  that's so true and it's good i'm not [TS]

  back from butterfly collector all of a [TS]

  sudden he's 45 stories down under area [TS]

  51 with dandelions [TS]

  Oh God glee club and I think so this is [TS]

  ian is an eldritch figure do you think [TS]

  is he is he is he is he's a terrifying [TS]

  like old gods kind of otherworldly [TS]

  characters you got a cute you think this [TS]

  is the thing about greatest the gaseous [TS]

  is a gaseous form where they gotta put [TS]

  like Groucho glasses on him to even [TS]

  likes think he has a face now I think [TS]

  he's a gray who because there's just too [TS]

  much evidence that the greater real [TS]

  right everybody everybody sees the same [TS]

  gray except sometimes they're skinny and [TS]

  sometimes they're not [TS]

  sometimes they're cute and sometimes [TS]

  they're not sometimes they have they [TS]

  appear underneath the bed and sometimes [TS]

  there they don't write sometimes they [TS]

  come they come walking down a big [TS]

  platform but there's a consistency you [TS]

  could do you can make a little kids [TS]

  animation flipbook out of your notebook [TS]

  with all random different pictures of [TS]

  glee clubs from history and then we [TS]

  pretty much look like a little cartoon [TS]

  sometimes they're very tall they're [TS]

  usually narrow they got the big eyes big [TS]

  eyes big heads [TS]

  yeah Finley bodies sometimes they're [TS]

  holding hands like without row i don't [TS]

  think they have any home-improvement [TS]

  blogs got a blog or going to tell you [TS]

  about the different charities that you [TS]

  can get and it's not surprising to me [TS]

  that there's UFO cult that may actually [TS]

  makes a lot of sense it's the chemtrails [TS]

  cults that are the better the ones that [TS]

  make sense [TS]

  maryland yeah i have had ice yeah i got [TS]

  called by a good friend the other day [TS]

  this guy have known for years he called [TS]

  me a chem trails denialist [TS]

  I hadn't even heard the terms a nihilist [TS]

  i really liked it but he was like your [TS]

  chem trails denialist and I was like [TS]

  you're a smart guy are you telling me [TS]

  that your chem trails affirmative just [TS]

  yeah right and he was like someone stop [TS]

  shot of that he was like there's just [TS]

  too much evidence that they're coming us [TS]

  and I said there is zero evidence [TS]

  they're coming us it's a lot like [TS]

  Twitter this is the thing is a lot like [TS]

  Twitter I mean we're basically somebody [TS]

  keeps saying the same incorrect thing [TS]

  over and over and eventually it seems [TS]

  true or at least plausible or at least [TS]

  reportable because the same ding-a-lings [TS]

  keep saying the same thing over and over [TS]

  so now that's a story like like for [TS]

  instance that Twitter is worth two [TS]

  billion dollars or whatever it is that [TS]

  what you're talking about wasn't making [TS]

  a dual corn it's no I think Twitter is [TS]

  worth more than that is it worth the [TS]

  like 72 million d dollars 270 billion [TS]

  dollars that's that was my that I think [TS]

  that was the last valuation is the high [TS]

  valuation job did you see did you see [TS]

  what just happened to amazon.com know [TS]

  what happened was on that came out with [TS]

  some earnings report that's just as fake [TS]

  as the old earnings report but all of a [TS]

  sudden one day the value of the company [TS]

  jumped 35 billion dollars my friend has [TS]

  a theory about amazon that i think is [TS]

  very interesting because you know they [TS]

  never have big profits [TS]

  my friend has a theory that they or just [TS]

  a funny gasps the Amazon comes up with [TS]

  whatever number they want to report for [TS]

  his prophets squarely against the [TS]

  revenue and they spend everything except [TS]

  that amount so that they have some [TS]

  amount that they can say that they that [TS]

  they made i don't know i mean i'm not a [TS]

  statistician but that makes a lot of [TS]

  sense to me like they got to show some [TS]

  money but they don't want to show too [TS]

  much they want to keep that state triple [TS]

  going but they got to show something [TS]

  once i'm not sure what being an [TS]

  aesthetician has to do with it but [TS]

  already pop people's it's in a spa [TS]

  oh you pop people's it's and they put it [TS]

  on the internet and people watch that [TS]

  shit is like ASMR day it is people [TS]

  people sit and watch zit popping videos [TS]

  for hours at a time i can see that when [TS]

  I didn't actually see it that's [TS]

  horrifying but i can see why that would [TS]

  appeal to people i think they and they [TS]

  say things like I just had a really hard [TS]

  day at work and I want to come home and [TS]

  just relax watch that watch some zit [TS]

  popping hollow but my so this is the [TS]

  thing if you go back and i don't know [TS]

  why but I've been saying here's the [TS]

  thing a lot more [TS]

  lately and I feel like that's that was [TS]

  our original way of talking to each [TS]

  other but then that than that guy from [TS]

  30 rock took it and now i can I can't [TS]

  even say what I don't think he's heavily [TS]

  involved in that show [TS]

  really he just shows up and read the [TS]

  read the script [TS]

  well you know we should save that for [TS]

  another day but I think there's a kind [TS]

  of podcast for somebody famous just sort [TS]

  of shows up sort of like you [TS]

  yeah well ah the Amazon earnings report [TS]

  feels to me exactly like the what if I [TS]

  went back in time but still had my [TS]

  smartphone a daydream [TS]

  oh we're like look if I start betting on [TS]

  penny stocks because i'm googling [TS]

  through through the time whole i'm able [TS]

  to use google and I'm able to say it's [TS]

  january third of 1954 what was the best [TS]

  performing penny stock or your BF your [TS]

  beef with the sports on the neck your [TS]

  bit with the sports Almanac kind of kind [TS]

  of right but you don't want to you don't [TS]

  want to give away the the whole game [TS]

  right if you're if you just if you're [TS]

  the stock guy that's never wrong part of [TS]

  being a hustler is losing a lot of first [TS]

  that's right you got to lose and you got [TS]

  it you got a periodically lose big [TS]

  uh-huh so that everybody's like well [TS]

  he's not that smart [TS]

  hmm then little by little you're you're [TS]

  you're actually win it big but certainly [TS]

  opposite of being a tech analyst where [TS]

  you get a couple things right at first [TS]

  and then just wrong for 20 years [TS]

  yeah or like made silver are well who [TS]

  are you [TS]

  we squeeze our he's no okay alright I'm [TS]

  here with you know he's he's explained [TS]

  why he got things wrong when he got it [TS]

  wrong that's true i don't believe that [TS]

  he's dishonest i believe that he's going [TS]

  to know that is interesting this stuff [TS]

  started with playing lots of online [TS]

  poker if you start your career playing [TS]

  online poker I'm gonna trust you [TS]

  I'm gonna trust you intrinsically [TS]

  because you stopped because and it's a [TS]

  gentleman's game [TS]

  that's true but but right now x in that [TS]

  business so I feel like Amazon is doing [TS]

  exactly what you say which is like we [TS]

  are we're making so much money home [TS]

  delivering toilet paper [TS]

  that we have to do we have to give up [TS]

  some numbers to throw people off the [TS]

  scent to look like were flopping because [TS]

  one day we're sinking sand bagging their [TS]

  sandbag one day we're going to do it and [TS]

  earnings report that's like a corrective [TS]

  we're all of a sudden our company is [TS]

  worth 35 billion more magic chips magic [TS]

  earth monies yes 35 billion of them more [TS]

  one day to account for the 20 years [TS]

  we've been telling you that we've been [TS]

  making no money at delivering toilet [TS]

  paper or you know or or ruining the [TS]

  publishing business [TS]

  yeah so I mean I hate to start talking [TS]

  about amazon in this town because [TS]

  they're the defacto a government here [TS]

  now if you walk around and you see [TS]

  somebody with the top knot and you say [TS]

  something bad about Amazon there's this [TS]

  much opportunity as much chance that [TS]

  they're going to have you dragged into [TS]

  the bushes and and shown not glipglop [TS]

  uh-huh but shown some because they've [TS]

  never seen glee club either but shown [TS]

  some thing some like what's gonna happen [TS]

  is that all of a sudden when you go on [TS]

  amazon it's going to say just because [TS]

  you like this dildo [TS]

  here's a list of 40 dildos and you're [TS]

  like I didn't like it don't know why are [TS]

  you doing this to me [TS]

  stop hitting yourself exactly met you [TS]

  know and you're trying to show you're [TS]

  trying to show your kids or your or your [TS]

  lady friend something that you want to [TS]

  get on amazon for Christmas and on those [TS]

  I'll does she still goes all the way [TS]

  down [TS]

  yeah and you're like shit no no why are [TS]

  you doing this in somebody and some some [TS]

  top top not amazon's like him [TS]

  i'm sorry but i'm surprised to even [TS]

  acknowledge you how are things going [TS]

  with it in fact I don't derail you but [TS]

  we have a lot more discuss about [TS]

  Hogwarts but by the way today is the the [TS]

  anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts so [TS]

  I was alright [TS]

  oh yeah usually on lot a lot a lot of [TS]

  good people were lost that day [TS]

  what is OS may second so there are there [TS]

  won't be any riots in seattle in a [TS]

  second but we're going to ask how is my [TS]

  oh how are things going with the the [TS]

  white t people the wet t 00 is there any [TS]

  I guess I'm asking is there any is there [TS]

  anything [TS]

  changing any breakthroughs so about a [TS]

  week ago I got off the elevator and the [TS]

  entire hallway was filled with what [TS]

  appeared to be children and then as I [TS]

  got closer to them i realized that they [TS]

  were let's call them teens and then I [TS]

  was intermingle and then I was amongst [TS]

  them they are clogging the hallway and [TS]

  in the style of teens they have no no [TS]

  awareness of anyone but themselves [TS]

  yeah so they're not like clear a path [TS]

  for this dinosaur whose strolling [TS]

  through our midst [TS]

  they're just like all milling around in [TS]

  the hallway and I'm trying to win now [TS]

  I'm lending and as I'm lending I realize [TS]

  oh maybe these are teens maybe I'd [TS]

  become that person who no longer can [TS]

  distinguish you can tell you can't tell [TS]

  now you get as you get good at telling [TS]

  the age of somebody below 11 [TS]

  yeah you get really bad at anybody who's [TS]

  between let's say 18 and 40 so I look at [TS]

  a kid you're absolutely right i look at [TS]

  a kid now time like your four and three [TS]

  quarters aren't you [TS]

  I can get you can you you're like to [TS]

  make a carnival you know what age that [TS]

  kid is yeah and but you're inhibited in [TS]

  saying to that child's parents although [TS]

  you desperately want to show up the [TS]

  skill your kids for three quarters isn't [TS]

  it yeah but you don't say that to the [TS]

  parents because if you are wrong boy [TS]

  it is the kind of wrong you don't want [TS]

  to be ya if the kid is three and you're [TS]

  saying four and three-quarters there's [TS]

  an implication that your child is [TS]

  freakishly big or I mean you know you [TS]

  want to think that's a compliment [TS]

  uh-huh like oh wow your kids seems to be [TS]

  a year now my experience including you [TS]

  know just just being me I can find a way [TS]

  to turn anything into an insult right [TS]

  you're like is your kid for three [TS]

  quarters and we can see that he's seven [TS]

  you're like oh shit I'm sorry he's [TS]

  really cute for his age seems to be [TS]

  developing nicely 400m oculus haha but [TS]

  but so I'm walking through this crowd [TS]

  like are these kids 24 are they 16 I [TS]

  can't tell the difference there here it [TS]

  seems like without a chaperone so I [TS]

  don't think they're 16 but I don't know [TS]

  about modern teens maybe they're all [TS]

  wandering around in groups of 14 out [TS]

  like the Dutch they've all gotten so big [TS]

  you [TS]

  right but I but looking at their faces [TS]

  I'm like so they're here they're they're [TS]

  coming out of the tea place and they're [TS]

  milling around in my hallway and you [TS]

  know and there's a part of me that was [TS]

  just like say hey wise up [TS]

  first of all get out of my way second of [TS]

  all wise up [TS]

  it's smarter faster a butt and then they [TS]

  all they all start to no one says okay [TS]

  everybody come on [TS]

  but they all start to move as a as it as [TS]

  a pack all still chatting to one another [TS]

  but they're moving and they're moving in [TS]

  the same direction that I'm moving so i [TS]

  was wending but they have damn that [TS]

  sounds like it's hard to believe I'm [TS]

  interrupting but is it hard to believe [TS]

  that from Seattle it seems like one of [TS]

  the basic skills would be like making [TS]

  your way around the city and not running [TS]

  into people and getting out of people's [TS]

  way I have no idea where they're from [TS]

  that's the other thing they could they [TS]

  could be from Idaho they could be i know [TS]

  they're not from i know i would [TS]

  recognize Idaho's Idaho's but they could [TS]

  be from California they could be the [TS]

  advanced wave of a teen invasion [TS]

  yeah and so I'm lending often they are [TS]

  moving now we're moving in a pack we're [TS]

  all I'm moving slightly faster right so [TS]

  I'm moving through again you're going to [TS]

  see if you're looking at this from on [TS]

  high [TS]

  if your clip clop looking into you're [TS]

  looking into your mom [TS]

  looking into your mom [TS]

  another you're going to see that i have [TS]

  a temp oh that's different from the [TS]

  tempo of this of this slow-moving gas [TS]

  cloud but I can't now I can't escape [TS]

  being in this group because they're [TS]

  they've expanded to take up the entire [TS]

  space like a gill net like moving net [TS]

  yeah so I'm be it i'm the you know I'm [TS]

  the halibut trying to get back to the [TS]

  mud and they are like whoo [TS]

  and you're just I'm like traveling along [TS]

  with the same speed as the net trying to [TS]

  avoid either the front or the back of it [TS]

  come on guys make a hole and then that's [TS]

  right make a hole and then eventually [TS]

  they turn to go into the they turn to go [TS]

  down the stairs and i managed to wind in [TS]

  such a way that I don't touch anyone and [TS]

  get like oxy 10 on me or oxycontin on me [TS]

  and then I'm out but I'm like what's [TS]

  going on in that tea place I I really [TS]

  feel like I feel like it's not what it [TS]

  appears to be and it's not even the [TS]

  secondary level of wood CII when you [TS]

  whatever we do record that episode a few [TS]

  weeks ago my feeling was that somebody [TS]

  is summer listener said oh is it [TS]

  something going to come bucho there are [TS]

  people who had tea suggestions and it [TS]

  made sense but I honestly thought that [TS]

  by this week by this recording it would [TS]

  become clear that this was some kind of [TS]

  a normal and noble thing [TS]

  nope not at all I when I sleep when I [TS]

  look in the door there are bins and bins [TS]

  and bins upon bins and I way of wet t [TS]

  think within those teeth within those [TS]

  bins there are teas and their arty [TS]

  flavorings there RT additives like when [TS]

  I look at pictures of tea growing in the [TS]

  wild in china and other places where T [TS]

  grows there's no lap saying [TS]

  sushant there's no orange pekoe like [TS]

  there's just it's just appears to me to [TS]

  be T or very variations on T and then [TS]

  you've got to be adding the orange right [TS]

  and i'm not sure where the oranges a [TS]

  missed or whether you throw some peels [TS]

  in there [TS]

  yeah like what makes the different kinds [TS]

  of t different from one another [TS]

  I mean sure you're growing different [TS]

  varieties of tea but not and I was like [TS]

  back to your example of making beer it [TS]

  isn't like you buy everything in beer [TS]

  except water and add water that wouldn't [TS]

  be beer [TS]

  there's no such thing as instant beer in [TS]

  this case even make instant he let alone [TS]

  wet tiered righty you have to commingle [TS]

  many items in some kind of hygienic [TS]

  environment you add in certain flowers [TS]

  and aged a certain way right [TS]

  it sounds very artful if you're making [TS]

  mint tea if you're making raspberry [TS]

  hibiscus tea just by its very nature it [TS]

  by its it's right there in the name [TS]

  you're gonna add some point along the [TS]

  way have to have a bin of hibiscus and [TS]

  you're gonna sprinkle some hibiscus in [TS]

  there I don't know why there's not meant [TS]

  abyss castie you could do a little bit [TS]

  of both [TS]

  maybe that's what these people are doing [TS]

  and then they're adding water and then [TS]

  they're selling wet t two people I I [TS]

  want to go back to go to instant beer [TS]

  why is there no instant beer so seems [TS]

  like NASA probably has this but they're [TS]

  they're hiding it with glee club [TS]

  I bet somewhere there's been some [TS]

  astronaut they really want to get up [TS]

  there except you know a little bit of a [TS]

  drinker right okay [TS]

  similarly this guy's got the science but [TS]

  we have to entice him some ok here's [TS]

  your span here's your tang and then just [TS]

  for you [TS]

  these packets when you add space water [TS]

  to make space beer and and there and the [TS]

  space beer guy [TS]

  yes why it hasn't been made I don't know [TS]

  it seems to me that could be something [TS]

  they make with your SodaStream likey all [TS]

  you need is carbonation plus beer parts [TS]

  should you be able to buy beer parts [TS]

  that already have all the performance [TS]

  characteristics and just add soda water [TS]

  to it so let me get this straight [TS]

  there's us there is a there is it within [TS]

  the space program [TS]

  mhm it's a specific set of skills like [TS]

  for instance if you're going to go to [TS]

  Mars and you want a botanist yeah right [TS]

  or let's say do you remember the movie [TS]

  russia house and I know the name was my [TS]

  fur Michelle Pfeiffer and sean connery [TS]

  mm and at one point a Royce Scheider is [TS]

  running a running an operation roy [TS]

  scheider is like the he's that sort of [TS]

  he's the high and tight top [TS]

  CIA guy got it and then as every [TS]

  rendition of the cni so I'm sorry to use [TS]

  the word rendition but every rendition [TS]

  of the CIA in film includes one very [TS]

  flamboyantly either gay or or artistic [TS]

  real eccentric where you're like what is [TS]

  this how does this like the guy from [TS]

  community in the Martian right isn't he [TS]

  may not manic a fella but he's obviously [TS]

  is very artistic and you exactly and you [TS]

  say that you're always hearing about how [TS]

  hard it is to get into the CIA and they [TS]

  do all these background checks on you [TS]

  and they don't want there to be any kind [TS]

  of funny business [TS]

  uh-huh but then in this film there's [TS]

  this like 65 year old guy who used to [TS]

  work for the OSS who is walking around [TS]

  like Rip Torn and uh and you go all how [TS]

  does this make sense but then again it [TS]

  perfectly makes sense so you're saying [TS]

  within the astronaut corps there's [TS]

  someone like that except he's more like [TS]

  foster Brooks but he's got skills that [TS]

  we need in space [TS]

  yeah I think desperately he might be [TS]

  played today by kurt russell ok right as [TS]

  kind of like a combination is snake [TS]

  plissken as a comic drunk [TS]

  uh-huh meets some kind of a science [TS]

  boffin a science boffin yeah like he's a [TS]

  smarty pants but like he's got a reason [TS]

  to want to make space beer [TS]

  you know you're right well if you're a [TS]

  lot like doing it so long little louder [TS]

  to be drunk in space [TS]

  why is there i feel like this is some [TS]

  kind of artisanal thing something that [TS]

  we should without it I don't think you [TS]

  and I have the power to set loose an [TS]

  army of topknots but but there is an [TS]

  army of top like death eaters well [TS]

  here's the thing also you think about [TS]

  the top nuts with the top not love a [TS]

  topknot loves anything artisanal and [TS]

  small-batch well still love love hiking [TS]

  right [TS]

  they love going out and being able to [TS]

  hike the things are you going to carry a [TS]

  couple half racks on top your topknot [TS]

  know it can be hard and you gotta take [TS]

  out what you put you bring in [TS]

  what if we give you our single instant [TS]

  beer so when you go on wherever you go [TS]

  when you walk around in the in the [TS]

  Pacific Northwest you could make it [TS]

  instant beer that's not heavy nor [TS]

  environmentally impactful one thing that [TS]

  topic one thing a hiking topknot likes [TS]

  about hiking is they love to drink river [TS]

  water [TS]

  mm right this is the thing that people [TS]

  don't know about topknots because in a [TS]

  lot of places I never knew that I feel [TS]

  like I'm getting an education right now [TS]

  well this is the this is the clip [TS]

  clopping right this yeah the glee club [TS]

  is not he's not the head clip clop he's [TS]

  just the bees the butterfly collector [TS]

  yeah the top knots it that you're [TS]

  meeting like out in the town are are [TS]

  just the they're the they're the Mike [TS]

  Mills is uh topknot culture I get you [TS]

  the real ones like that now I mean the [TS]

  stormtroopers right there that guy [TS]

  they're not making it an administrative [TS]

  executive decisions in the top notch ah [TS]

  hierarchy those guys are high up high [TS]

  high up in the mountains drinking river [TS]

  water and each other don't even give a [TS]

  nod and the and they don't give a nod [TS]

  and the thing because they're all you [TS]

  mean they don't have to not at each [TS]

  other right they're like they're like [TS]

  Eskimos they don't need to talk a lot [TS]

  like Carly aren't there a lot like [TS]

  Cardinals but they're the Cardinals of [TS]

  Tardos a top-notch am and they're up [TS]

  there and they don't get Giardia because [TS]

  they're putting instant beer in the [TS]

  river water temp ear [TS]

  oh I see what you're saying so this is a [TS]

  little bit like you come over on the [TS]

  Mayflower you bring some hardtack and [TS]

  johnnycake and you got some cast for a [TS]

  beer even the kids drinking beer because [TS]

  that doesn't have a john carlo in it [TS]

  wasn't right it doesn't have the john [TS]

  carlo right GRE Giardia yeah which is [TS]

  also a brand of gluten free spaghetti [TS]

  mm but when I data my yeah my suspicion [TS]

  is that it's like sourdough right and I [TS]

  and and i bet you i swear to god i bet [TS]

  you right now there are some top not [TS]

  somewhere with making some kind of [TS]

  artist artisanal sourdough because [TS]

  sourdough was the original hardest final [TS]

  thing when i was a kid in the seventies [TS]

  and all the top knots of the day were [TS]

  were talking about sourdough we're [TS]

  making sourdough this had their own [TS]

  little pile of sourdough that will get [TS]

  you started talking to Poland yeah they [TS]

  were read their sourdough was rotting on [TS]

  the kitchen counter just like you know [TS]

  every house you went to Anchorage 75 had [TS]

  a little pile of sourdough somewhere [TS]

  getting hot [TS]

  mm and I don't know I haven't heard [TS]

  about any of these sort of olives and [TS]

  anchovies [TS]

  people also pursuing sourdough but it's [TS]

  got to be next on the chain if I hear [TS]

  you correctly not only is this a lot [TS]

  like the Roman Catholic Church or are [TS]

  the wizarding world you know that via [TS]

  Hogwarts it's also it's got a business [TS]

  model but we can't see it's got a Glee [TS]

  Club business model [TS]

  yeah there's something much deeper than [TS]

  just a bunch of wet t an artist [TS]

  encaustic painting warehouse you're [TS]

  saying this could go a lot this kid this [TS]

  is the glee club to the area 51 what I [TS]

  want to know like I had a tweetup the [TS]

  other day who are you did you're in san [TS]

  francisco a tweetup a tweetup and just [TS]

  just as a just a random random sampling [TS]

  of of our audience [TS]

  although not completely random because [TS]

  my tweetup was in the lower haight in [TS]

  San Francisco so it's a random sampling [TS]

  of our audience that can get to the [TS]

  lower haight in San Francisco nate [TS]

  silver wood on control for that right [TS]

  right you can't say this is everybody [TS]

  writing using in i have a tweetup in [TS]

  Kansas City and there are a bunch of [TS]

  people that came to that and they're [TS]

  they're not well but but you know what [TS]

  there are a lot of similarities between [TS]

  those two groups if we were going to [TS]

  activate an army [TS]

  yes you and I if we were going to say [TS]

  we're going to Manchurian Candidate some [TS]

  situation here where like army of [TS]

  rhetoric on the line listeners rally to [TS]

  my flag to me my x-men we would be we [TS]

  would be set for life in terms of apps [TS]

  we would be able to develop any app we [TS]

  wanted really [TS]

  we have we would have hardware and [TS]

  software people across a variety of [TS]

  platforms we will be able full-stack [TS]

  podcasting fan gotta do it all stem to [TS]

  stern soup-to-nuts we would be able to [TS]

  we would be able to put apps on Android [TS]

  platforms we would be able to put apps [TS]

  on Microsoft phones both of like we we [TS]

  could do almost anything within the apps [TS]

  here that's a lot of power John but we [TS]

  couldn't activate a single topknot i'll [TS]

  come on now I didn't see a single one [TS]

  everybody had normal hair I think you've [TS]

  shamed the top knots in the home brewers [TS]

  and the brewers are very very sad well [TS]

  you know the thing about this is i don't [TS]

  want to them i want to reach out to them [TS]

  i had this tweet up at the very brewpub [TS]

  that i was teasing in the in the famous [TS]

  brewpub episode [TS]

  mm so i tried to make it up to them i [TS]

  tried to I tried to correct the [TS]

  imbalance I tried to he handed the Hoffs [TS]

  branch i tried to take my my a teasing [TS]

  back and say in fact this is a lovely [TS]

  brewpub let's all meet there i'm not [TS]

  sure how many of our listeners knew that [TS]

  they were in the they were in the [TS]

  titular brought that is d catalog only [TS]

  Nixon going to China only rider can go [TS]

  to the brewpub we go back to the group [TS]

  up and say actually isn't this a [TS]

  wonderful place and everyone had only [TS]

  time nice but what I'm wondering is who [TS]

  are the Merlin man's and John Roderick's [TS]

  of topknot culture who are the people [TS]

  that could say rally to my flag [TS]

  oh I I finally heard the Lumineers i was [TS]

  at a wedding and I was in a car and they [TS]

  were listening to the Lumineers now it's [TS]

  one of those things it's like Donald [TS]

  hollister and the word bag gets that [TS]

  gets you but what is it when you have a [TS]

  diamond remember on that girl here's a [TS]

  word for the first time I guess what [TS]

  that call was that syndrome called me [TS]

  here where for the first time you start [TS]

  hearing it everywhere [TS]

  oh it's called the slug slug syndrome [TS]

  where now I'd it'sit's Lumineers all the [TS]

  way down i heard a song exploiter on the [TS]

  Lumineers and how they write their songs [TS]

  and they stomp ya now there every night [TS]

  but do you think do you think the [TS]

  Lumineers might be the rock on the line [TS]

  of topknots know because i feel like the [TS]

  Lumineers are the glue 'plop-top ok [TS]

  right like they look like the leaders [TS]

  but they're not the butterfly like it [TS]

  right and you want to go back and you [TS]

  want to say our Mumford & Sons the the [TS]

  the leaders no I don't think so although [TS]

  they might be the they might be the Shan [TS]

  chooses ok ok there's somebody up the [TS]

  chain who is who is saying who's [TS]

  who is making the connections between [TS]

  brass fittings between leather leather [TS]

  work like wallets that are kind of [TS]

  unusable but pretty like if you go into [TS]

  a store like that's a pretty wall and [TS]

  then you pick it up and you're like I'm [TS]

  going to put this in my pocket not [TS]

  really [TS]

  ok pocketbooks and stuff where it's like [TS]

  nobody uses pocketbooks but they're [TS]

  getting made and and art are artists and [TS]

  no beer and a and a big trays of food [TS]

  where it's all covered with leeks a [TS]

  butcher classes butcher classes mh-60r [TS]

  bikes that still a thing absolutely [TS]

  fixes are on their own kind of a [TS]

  mustache waxes and all the body wax is [TS]

  the oil except for the vagina waxes know [TS]

  this is the thing although this is what [TS]

  I don't know are there are no say no [TS]

  vagina waxes I would have to think there [TS]

  are its gonna be like it's gonna be [TS]

  locally sourced products might be wax it [TS]

  might be instead of beeswax it could be [TS]

  like be your it could be something [TS]

  that's good for everybody it's like [TS]

  spider sugar right it's good for [TS]

  everybody and you can go in but see I [TS]

  don't know now is a politically [TS]

  incorrect to get out to get a wax if [TS]

  you're innocent lady also i don't know [TS]

  about if you wanna get your butthole [TS]

  bleached you probably don't use bleach [TS]

  they probably have something else [TS]

  something again something green such as [TS]

  something with you know there is might [TS]

  not be bleach it might be like to its [TS]

  beer and you already got to be your mrs [TS]

  meyers or something yeah i know i think [TS]

  it's from from my understanding everyone [TS]

  even the top knots now are so complete [TS]

  their minds are so completely polluted [TS]

  by porn that no one can even see a pubic [TS]

  hair anymore [TS]

  one single pubic hair and and it's just [TS]

  like it's like a vomitorium [TS]

  yeah it's still it's like a Scarlet [TS]

  Letter but you near near your legal [TS]

  unless unless you make it all the way [TS]

  through to the other side where you're [TS]

  like no I'm cultivating my body hair [TS]

  that's on the other side of the whole I [TS]

  think it's on the other side of the hole [TS]

  right because you're cold you're trying [TS]

  to cultivate everything uh-huh [TS]

  if you're taking butcher class now [TS]

  you're almost surely every part of the [TS]

  Buffalo yeah that's right i'm sure [TS]

  you've got a you've gotta a bush like a [TS]

  like if you go to home depot and you [TS]

  walk down the still while [TS]

  ok you flopping your flippers and I'm [TS]

  gonna flip because now i'm thinking of [TS]

  the last episode of season 5 of game of [TS]

  thrones and I'm thinking that blindly [TS]

  having to walk naked down the aisles at [TS]

  home depot when people throw things at [TS]

  her [TS]

  uh-huh that's right 400 poor blonde lady [TS]

  impossible on Lady spoiler alert she had [TS]

  a body double for that [TS]

  oh well of course you know uh you know [TS]

  but a game of thrones has more [TS]

  superfluous breasts then the movie [TS]

  airplane [TS]

  ok alright that's good that there's a [TS]

  control group finally a control group i [TS]

  meant gratuitous rather than superfluous [TS]

  but both gratuitous and superfluous know [TS]

  you can't really say breast is [TS]

  superfluous unless it's like a fifth one [TS]

  right by me if you got like four that's [TS]

  point2 normal reasons threes threes kind [TS]

  of a you know an oddity right for you [TS]

  got remulla some ramen ramen [TS]

  that's right you can raise Roman Roman [TS]

  twins formulas and Romulan right but 45 [TS]

  is that it could be surprised or could [TS]

  be you know what it could be vestigial I [TS]

  feel like the fifth ones for the runs [TS]

  oh sure your knee you ever know anybody [TS]

  with a vestigial tail know I've known [TS]

  people with the with the sixth toe [TS]

  yeah that's pretty common especially in [TS]

  Ohio I've known people who have a little [TS]

  bit of a tail [TS]

  I've never seen it but I've heard about [TS]

  it really yeah you can get a little bit [TS]

  of a tail let's look at your spine keeps [TS]

  going out and makes a little bit of tail [TS]

  what do you what does that look like in [TS]

  jeans I don't know I think you probably [TS]

  have to do a princess lay on it kind of [TS]

  bind it down it's something like like in [TS]

  gay culture where you wear a little bit [TS]

  bro tanks should have put a brown [TS]

  handkerchief in your left pocket April [TS]

  flag on it you can make a little hole in [TS]

  your jeans for it if you're walking [TS]

  along and you're looking at somebody's [TS]

  butt and then all of a sudden right [TS]

  above there right above the but a middle [TS]

  part yeah but classic metal part yes all [TS]

  well it's called the cleft k then [TS]

  there's a little thing wiggling in there [TS]

  i think you're going to differentiate [TS]

  yourself in a busy bar are you going to [TS]

  say is that lemmiwinks or is that a [TS]

  vestigial tail think about how a monkey [TS]

  or a cat uses their tails for balance [TS]

  you could be probably one of the most [TS]

  balanced people in the bar even with a [TS]

  very very very modest tail [TS]

  I'm so desperate to be one of the most [TS]

  balanced people in the bar [TS]

  join the club in our battle Hogwarts [TS]

  picking a doctor picking a doctor [TS]

  yeah what's gonna happen to us I don't [TS]

  know I don't know you know I got a lot [TS]

  of problems with online reviews in [TS]

  general [TS]

  yeah and so i still find myself having [TS]

  to consult them it's a place I don't [TS]

  know anything about here's my choices i [TS]

  can go to their their their their crappy [TS]

  website with all the things that they [TS]

  claim about themselves right i can go to [TS]

  the dumpster fire that is yelp look like [TS]

  I'm trying to figure out there's a way [TS]

  like a signal back to think the doctor [TS]

  though like I've done that before you [TS]

  get a big book it's almost like the [TS]

  voter like that like the book you get in [TS]

  October for the election and yeah [TS]

  do I really have to read all of this you [TS]

  know i mean it's gotta pick a doctor so [TS]

  what do you do how do you pick a doctor [TS]

  that book we could go well the cancer in [TS]

  the family so I should look for someone [TS]

  who's good at oncology but mostly it's [TS]

  like it's like as we used to call it a [TS]

  facebook you're going to go through [TS]

  there and look at the pictures in the [TS]

  names and see who suits you know I'm [TS]

  saying yeah I mean how do you pick out [TS]

  of a directory like that so i was i was [TS]

  a somehow through through a internet [TS]

  wormhole i ended up back in Anchorage [TS]

  Alaska on the internet now and this is [TS]

  the thing that I seldom do right you [TS]

  don't look at Anchorage through the [TS]

  internet [TS]

  partly because the internet is [TS]

  insufficient to describe Anchorage [TS]

  Anchorage was late adopter of the [TS]

  internet just as it was a late adopter [TS]

  of everything but then I got a cold [TS]

  Brigadoon like old Brigadoon who but I [TS]

  saw him on the internet i'm looking at [TS]

  that followed a monkey path [TS]

  yeah to a picture of a hotel an [TS]

  abandoned hotel on Northern Lights [TS]

  boulevard that was once the ramada inn [TS]

  was once called the Northern Lights [TS]

  hotel it is a hotel that I remember [TS]

  quite well it's the hotel in which I saw [TS]

  the first episode of buck rogers in the [TS]

  21st century [TS]

  Wow BBT yeah back in nineteen eighty or [TS]

  whatever [TS]

  yeah sure 79 ATM when I when I started [TS]

  to reflect on you can deliver [TS]

  member the room when you discovered Erin [TS]

  gray yeah that's right brother and I'm [TS]

  sitting there I'm thinking now wait a [TS]

  minute i lived in this town why was I in [TS]

  a room in the ramada inn watching buck [TS]

  rogers in the 21st century and then I [TS]

  remembered my dad had some the and ice [TS]

  I remember these little moments all the [TS]

  time now he had some meeting that he had [TS]

  to go to at this ramada him and got a [TS]

  room in which he parked me in front of [TS]

  the television in front of buck rogers [TS]

  in the 21st century while he had his [TS]

  meeting [TS]

  you're by yourself in a hotel room at [TS]

  the age of 10 10 or 12 watching and well [TS]

  you are probably 10 or 11 [TS]

  well and I this used to happen to me all [TS]

  the time i was in hotel rooms my whole [TS]

  life by your sister you throw I fun [TS]

  things to throw the fun things [TS]

  throughout the window light later slides [TS]

  on fire is out the window until somebody [TS]

  down somebody down on the sidewalk went [TS]

  in and said there's some kids upstairs [TS]

  throwing ice cubes out the window and [TS]

  then their deal [TS]

  knock on the hotel room door and we [TS]

  would be like Shh [TS]

  and we ducked under the bed until the [TS]

  knocking went away but I'm so I was very [TS]

  comfortable in a hotel room by myself [TS]

  even at even when I was seven years old [TS]

  because my dad always had these [TS]

  mysterious meetings and I'm wondering [TS]

  whether you I think he was just having [TS]

  affairs [TS]

  I think he was meeting some woman in the [TS]

  in the hotel bar and he was like I'm [TS]

  gonna you know a hotel room at the time [TS]

  was probably thirty bucks [TS]

  it's like I'm just gonna put three bucks [TS]

  put the kids in them that's pretty smart [TS]

  right put him in my hotel room turn on [TS]

  the television [TS]

  he's not going anywhere what like a [TS]

  better what could be better [TS]

  maybe you're like me I mean what are you [TS]

  gonna do you know I would really rather [TS]

  go somewhere and find homework you're [TS]

  gonna sit you're gonna be in a hotel [TS]

  room watching TV like there's no reason [TS]

  for you to want to leave your dad could [TS]

  be going to have his quote unquote [TS]

  meeting you know on the next floor [TS]

  yeah right okay it could be in the next [TS]

  room as far as i know but that you know [TS]

  in a hotel room what do you do you go [TS]

  out of the room you go down to the ice [TS]

  machine is between key key cards you [TS]

  just leave the door unlocked intense and [TS]

  get those keys with that where the key [TS]

  chains like a big diamond [TS]

  oh I realize I still have a couple of [TS]

  those i want from the fantasy in in a [TS]

  outside of Miami motel room that had [TS]

  like plastic on the sheets and when you [TS]

  turn on the television but it only has [TS]

  porn channels i was like what am I doing [TS]

  here well of course it's called the [TS]

  fantasy and what was I thinking [TS]

  I guess I was looking for a room looking [TS]

  for a fifty-dollar motel room and i'm in [TS]

  some place called the fans here with [TS]

  like plastic on the bed so I kept before [TS]

  use for kayak i was i was so furious I [TS]

  was like I'm keeping this key because at [TS]

  least the key is worth fifty dollars [TS]

  it's actually hanging on the wall in my [TS]

  bathroom nice but so i'm at so I'm [TS]

  looking at the the former northern [TS]

  lights in on the internet and I'm like [TS]

  and northern lights in was right across [TS]

  the street from the what I think was [TS]

  called the chef or the Shh [TS]

  it is called the chef for the chefs in [TS]

  which was a place this is a this is a [TS]

  place this was a steak restaurant where [TS]

  you went walked in be in that the center [TS]

  of the restaurant was a giant piano that [TS]

  you could eat on right there was a piano [TS]

  bar guy that was sitting there tickling [TS]

  the ivories Wow at but then the piano [TS]

  was made into a giant table so you sit [TS]

  around [TS]

  the piano piano shaped was just a piano [TS]

  bar it was like a piano bistro the piano [TS]

  was the bar and you would pick your [TS]

  steak that were like Ross takes on a on [TS]

  a big platter and you'd pick your steak [TS]

  and then make the guy in the chef's hat [TS]

  would take your the raw steak that you [TS]

  put your finger on and he put it on the [TS]

  broiler and cook it right in front of [TS]

  you [TS]

  no kidding it's called the chefs in or [TS]

  the it was the smell was one of my dad's [TS]

  favorite restaurants we went there all [TS]

  the time I would never stop going there [TS]

  and the guys the guys SAT and played the [TS]

  piano you set on the piano bar eating [TS]

  you're basically burned on the outside [TS]

  red on the inside steak pittsburgh right [TS]

  he loved it he loved his place we went [TS]

  there are over 200 and the other thing [TS]

  they served was like a quarter of a head [TS]

  of lettuce with blue chalk little ways [TS]

  salad this is all there was in this [TS]

  place and somebody sitting there playing [TS]

  Arthur's theme playing out meaning he's [TS]

  like sing us a song you're the piano [TS]

  except except it wasn't garbage who he [TS]

  was playing jazz it was jazz music [TS]

  sounds like heaven [TS]

  so the northern lights in was right [TS]

  across the street from the chefs in or [TS]

  whatever this place was called God how [TS]

  can I not remember the name of this [TS]

  restaurant when all the time anyway I'm [TS]

  looking at it I'm like oh god this is [TS]

  awful that this place is closed and so I [TS]

  started looking at i don't know whether [TS]

  it was a yelper some Anchorage blog and [TS]

  they said oh that hotel really went [TS]

  downhill one mic Cusack owned it and I'm [TS]

  like Mike Cusack like to sac lived five [TS]

  doors down from me when I was growing up [TS]

  what he was the dermatologist who had [TS]

  his own Zamboni he owned is he he's a [TS]

  dermatologist turned hotel EA who once [TS]

  owned a Zamboni so we lived on a lake [TS]

  and when the lake would freeze [TS]

  everybody's obituaries gonna be so much [TS]

  better than mine [TS]

  kusac would build a hockey rink on the [TS]

  lake he had hockey rink walls and lights [TS]

  on poles and he would build this hockey [TS]

  rink on a public lake where we always [TS]

  dare fucking call yourself an [TS]

  entrepreneur until you've done what Mike [TS]

  is done [TS]

  Mike Mike the dermatologist doing is [TS]

  around on the lake and then he had a [TS]

  fucking mini Zamboni that he would drive [TS]

  around his own hockey rink on a public [TS]

  lake with like with the generator [TS]

  running lights so that's insane kids [TS]

  that you admire that [TS]

  well it was I mean compared to like even [TS]

  Elon Musk isn't so flamboyant you know [TS]

  like this this guy and hit anything is [TS]

  all of his daughters were cheerleaders [TS]

  who were a lot of blue eyeshadow sure [TS]

  and his son so then I start doing some [TS]

  research on like the Cossacks right they [TS]

  were my they were kind of they were my [TS]

  nemesis i like them just fine i went to [TS]

  a party at the Cossacks house where my [TS]

  Cusack himself arrived at the party and [TS]

  personally ejected me alone boy because [TS]

  Carrie you know everyone else at the [TS]

  party was beautiful sure I was not [TS]

  beautiful yet bounced but i was also [TS]

  drunk and obnoxious and I think I was [TS]

  knocking basis over and he was like you [TS]

  out and then everybody was like one of [TS]

  those parties in in sixteen Candles [TS]

  where they're pretty in pink or whatever [TS]

  where everybody else was beautiful and [TS]

  had a mullet and I was wearing a trench [TS]

  coat and he was like you're the John [TS]

  bender of this party hit-the hit the [TS]

  bricks [TS]

  yeah anyway I realized that the hotel [TS]

  had been running to the ground by Mike [TS]

  Cusack jr. whose only a few years older [TS]

  than me so then I'm online I'm like [TS]

  Google in my Cusack dermatologist and i [TS]

  discovered the bristol palin worked / [TS]

  works at my cous x dermatology office [TS]

  which what which makes perfect sense [TS]

  give you a lap if you know Alaska so [TS]

  bristol palin it's all very local you [TS]

  can see Russia from there [TS]

  that's right bristol palin us supposedly [TS]

  is working for my Cusack [TS]

  but then there's all this shit to all [TS]

  the shit talking blogs where like [TS]

  crystal doesn't even work there [TS]

  it's a it's like a front and if you call [TS]

  them and ask for Bristol they tell you [TS]

  that she works at a dr jacme offs office [TS]

  detector me off you know dr. me off dr. [TS]

  jack me off [TS]

  the family name so I'm so now i'm [TS]

  fascinated because i know these people [TS]

  now you're really down the monkey trail [TS]

  and then i say go on yelp dr. Mike [TS]

  Cusack to star 0 which is which means [TS]

  one five star review where the person [TS]

  who wrote a whole paragraph like my [TS]

  Cusack is amazing he's the greatest [TS]

  dermatologist that ever lived [TS]

  he's wonderful man and going there is a [TS]

  great pleasure and then 41 star reviews [TS]

  of people saying he cut the tip of my [TS]

  nose off [TS]

  he spent the entire day spent the entire [TS]

  time where he was consulting me with [TS]

  headphones on listening to Sammy Hagar's [TS]

  red rocker period like just terrible [TS]

  terrible reviews and and so I'm trying [TS]

  to use google to find one thing about my [TS]

  Cusack basically that I didn't already [TS]

  know and other than this other than like [TS]

  40 websites that i'll give him a [TS]

  two-star review and this story about [TS]

  them running the hotel into the ground [TS]

  ah that's the extent of what I could [TS]

  find online accept new one other thing [TS]

  which was that they tried to make a [TS]

  reality show of the Cusack girls who [TS]

  were like oh because my Cusack also on [TS]

  the king salmon lodge which was like a [TS]

  different kind of hotel where you go [TS]

  down in fish and hunt and this reality [TS]

  show was these girls who were very [TS]

  beautiful and very you know they were [TS]

  they were like made up right there look [TS]

  at Alaska version of petticoat junction [TS]

  yeah they had they had big hair they had [TS]

  they had lots of eyeshadow on they were [TS]

  like that by Alaska standards they were [TS]

  the most beautiful girls that wasn't [TS]

  called the Alaska eights it was [TS]

  something like that where they were [TS]

  where the premise was that these girls [TS]

  who looked sort of like a Dallas Cowboy [TS]

  Cheerleaders also had hunting and [TS]

  fishing skills are plenty [TS]

  ok so anyway they were out in there [TS]

  they're Louboutin shoes so it's kinda [TS]

  like it's like the Kardashians but for [TS]

  the sarah palin set [TS]

  yeah exactly right they work [TS]

  they were they were Sarah Palin's in a [TS]

  way like they were there foxy and they [TS]

  could also clean and dress a deer who [TS]

  and so ice actually saw an episode of [TS]

  this it never I don't ever think he got [TS]

  picked up but they made an episode and [TS]

  somebody that I went to high school is [TS]

  like you gotta see this and sent me it [TS]

  I don't even know how they got it [TS]

  they're like you got to see this and [TS]

  it's all these people that I know from [TS]

  that lived on my block [TS]

  uh I went to junior high with them i was [TS]

  even in a class with my Cusack he was a [TS]

  senior and I was a software or something [TS]

  but but up watching the show and I'm [TS]

  like this is incredible i don't know why [TS]

  this didn't get picked up this is so [TS]

  much better [TS]

  this is the this is the housewives of a [TS]

  banker Alaska Housewives of king salmon [TS]

  Alaska but it didn't I don't think that [TS]

  ever took root [TS]

  I mean that's out there if it's a [TS]

  fascinating planet like you say when the [TS]

  obituaries written yep i mean that with [TS]

  the lead on that one in in Anchorage I [TS]

  don't think you get a top of the fold [TS]

  obituary unless you were unless you were [TS]

  shot at by somebody who is trying to [TS]

  like steal your business or unless you [TS]

  had your own Zamboni i googled many [TS]

  Zamboni's and boy I don't have any [TS]

  reason to have on boy that sure would be [TS]

  fun [TS]

  send me a link simulink to be somebody [TS]

  that's not a thing I ever would have [TS]

  thought to google I mean who would you [TS]

  know I said look at at ocean-going tug [TS]

  boats all the time on on google but i'm [TS]

  not going i wouldn't have thought mini [TS]

  sample a lot of these are jokey so you [TS]

  get like Lego oh well yeah but I mean [TS]

  you can buy a a small Zamboni i think [TS]

  yeah or a Zamboni kit for your tractor [TS]

  yeah there's a lot of sort of homemade [TS]

  ones here looking like they're like [TS]

  little cross between like a rascal and [TS]

  like a VW beetle is a VW could you let [TS]

  me put it this way could you put a [TS]

  rolls-royce grille on a mini Zamboni [TS]

  love that look at cars people [TS]

  to do oh my god why doesn't anybody [TS]

  that's a thing that a hipster should [TS]

  have but it whatever happened to those [TS]

  may be on the road anywhere rightfully [TS]

  $100 you could make your VW Bug kind of [TS]

  look like a rolls-royce that is such a [TS]

  fabulous furry freak brothers move right [TS]

  what kind of car would would fat Freddy [TS]

  drive around in if not a Volkswagen bug [TS]

  with the rolls-royce grille [TS]

  uh-huh I'm i I'm you know there was a [TS]

  reason fat freddy's cat hung out with [TS]

  that pretty and it wasn't well it was [TS]

  because fatty fed him but also because [TS]

  that pretty had a little class through a [TS]

  mi mi now up into something a little bit [TS]

  out of my depth on the fabulous freak [TS]

  brothers had a fever I have any [TS]

  resolution on getting your charms [TS]

  blasting dubai not to buy abu dhabi i [TS]

  didn't i didn't have the I didn't have [TS]

  the hook spot walk up to her mom and say [TS]

  you will you like rub my talents man [TS]

  ever because I didn't want to offend it [TS]

  seems like tourism a little bit [TS]

  well yeah but it but it all would be for [TS]

  me right i mean i would like to collect [TS]

  a charm bracelet where uh where every [TS]

  charm had been rubbed by a top-shelf [TS]

  leader of a different religious a [TS]

  cardinal a cardinal level leader in that [TS]

  in that group right so let's say let's [TS]

  say a Greek Orthodox Patriarch haha a [TS]

  like a lubavitcher a rabbi a cardinal a [TS]

  look at what about a chemtrail person I [TS]

  don't know I pretty flat organization [TS]

  that I feel like the top the top [TS]

  activators of chem trail stuffer [TS]

  I like the talk radio host there's [TS]

  there's nobody there's nobody higher up [TS]

  the chain then than one of those guys in [TS]

  from like Winnemucca Nevada who run a [TS]

  who run like a talk radio Empire [TS]

  whoo-hoo-hoo that where that if they're [TS]

  not talk about mud people are talking [TS]

  about [TS]

  the term of chemtrails but you also [TS]

  you're decreasing your risk in terms of [TS]

  spiritual investment you know what I [TS]

  mean you're diversifying your charm [TS]

  portfolio [TS]

  yeah yeah well it's not a thing that i [TS]

  would wear i'm not going to wear a charm [TS]

  bracelet but i'm talking about giving [TS]

  these things to my daughter to ward off [TS]

  evil spirits like like like everybody [TS]

  who goes to turkey comes back with one [TS]

  of those ward off evil eye a like son [TS]

  some talismans that hangs in your window [TS]

  on a sunny day [TS]

  ok ok you know the the ward off evil i [TS]

  think you know I'll find it though [TS]

  well they're you know they're like a [TS]

  blue like a single blue eyeball [TS]

  oh sure look at that yeah and you bring [TS]

  people bring those back from turkey [TS]

  because that's what turkey is trying to [TS]

  sell you right you get there and you're [TS]

  walking around you're like I want a [TS]

  souvenir from Turkey like coming back [TS]

  from Hawaii with delay it's like coming [TS]

  back from but the thing is labeled I [TS]

  whereas an evil eye water offered never [TS]

  will [TS]

  ok but like you could come back with a [TS]

  with the like a miniature like a snow [TS]

  globe with the mosque from DNA is [TS]

  written it but you're not going to do [TS]

  that you're going to come back with one [TS]

  of these evil eye charms because I don't [TS]

  know where I they might be selling them [TS]

  in the airport I never went to the [TS]

  airport there [TS]

  oh no that's not true i've been to the [TS]

  istanbul airport I don't remember what [TS]

  they sold evil eye charms but you put [TS]

  one of those on a charm bracelet that [TS]

  you give your kid you just you're just I [TS]

  think you don't even tell them what it's [TS]

  for [TS]

  no no you just say here's some pretty [TS]

  things that may wear and you're you're [TS]

  hedging your bets and if their life goes [TS]

  better you know [TS]

  hakuna matata hakuna matata hakuna [TS]

  matata badge right hawala wanna lay [TS]

  Mazel Tov [TS]

  kim kardashian wearing an evil eye is [TS]

  she [TS]

  yeah I mean she's had it all everything [TS]

  to get into a phase we were a lot of [TS]

  turquoise jewelry it seems to be a thing [TS]

  still likes not as much not as much they [TS]

  used to be but you little you know those [TS]

  old couples holding hands you get a guy [TS]

  with long hair and a beard and a lady [TS]

  with long hair and a beard and [TS]

  frequently both wearing turquoise [TS]

  jewelry I always I I always admired [TS]

  people the war bootcut jeans and [TS]

  turquoise jewelry but i think you have [TS]

  tips i think you have slim hips i think [TS]

  that's a slim hip thing I childbearing [TS]

  and that's not gonna happen yeah you're [TS]

  not gonna wear that you're not gonna [TS]

  wear turquoise jewelry if you don't have [TS]

  slim hips that's a yeah that's a thing [TS]

  for guys with a large mustache area [TS]

  that's yeah that's what I for a while [TS]

  there you know if you go to if you go to [TS]

  northern Italy let's say let's say [TS]

  you're you're you're walking across the [TS]

  Ponte Vecchio sure and you say like [TS]

  there's a lot of jewelry stores here [TS]

  people have got to be coming here for a [TS]

  reason let's take a look there were [TS]

  there is a kind of ring called don't [TS]

  know what it is a friendship ring or I [TS]

  don't think it's about friendship I [TS]

  think it's about i think it's about [TS]

  command-and-control but it's three gold [TS]

  rings of different kinds of gold pink [TS]

  gold yellow gold green gold blue gold I [TS]

  don't know the idea that kind of it's [TS]

  like a lot cocktail [TS]

  well in order to get the ring on or off [TS]

  your finger it is it's built in such a [TS]

  way that the Rings have to kind of roll [TS]

  over each other okay like they really [TS]

  are three separate rings three separate [TS]

  rings that role that are like [TS]

  intertwined they're like almost woven [TS]

  together and as you put them on your [TS]

  finger there the Rings sort of role on [TS]

  and it was explained to me i guess that [TS]

  if you then coated the ring with wax or [TS]

  something that you couldn't get the ring [TS]

  off all it has to roll [TS]

  I get it I get it and so it was some [TS]

  kind of like our love is is bounded or [TS]

  maybe all of that is baloney and it's [TS]

  just a pretty ring but when i was when i [TS]

  was there a the first time in Italy I [TS]

  was like I really want one of those [TS]

  that's very exotic because i think i was [TS]

  on a train with somebody i was thinking [TS]

  i was on a train with some lebanese guy [TS]

  and he was like check out my ring or I [TS]

  saw the regulars like what is that ring [TS]

  and he's showing it to me and I'm like [TS]

  wow I've got to get one of those and [TS]

  then I'm in Florence and I'm like that's [TS]

  where you get it but then of course it's [TS]

  made out of gold and I had like 11 [TS]

  innings and couldn't afford this thing [TS]

  because they were expensive even then [TS]

  but I saw silver one and so i bought the [TS]

  silver one and i was walking around for [TS]

  a long time thinking I'm gonna be the [TS]

  silver jewelry guy I like that I like [TS]

  that that's it's not presumptuous [TS]

  yeah right it's it's not turquoise [TS]

  you're not trying to say that [TS]

  yeah that you've you've been through a [TS]

  vision ceremony of any kind [TS]

  yeah right you're never going to live in [TS]

  Taos but it's not it's not too [TS]

  on-the-nose it's not like you're the guy [TS]

  who collect elephants [TS]

  Yeah right right so natural reason [TS]

  that's a big tent hobby it's a big tent [TS]

  habian you can have big silver jewelry [TS]

  you can have small silver jewelry you [TS]

  can have yeah i mean not like I'm ever [TS]

  gonna wear pinky ring or even a ring on [TS]

  my first finger which is the ultimate [TS]

  symbol of do not do you bring your [TS]

  fucking pointer finger when I wish my [TS]

  wish I can judge the people with all the [TS]

  Rings I wish I could I wish I could make [TS]

  myself not see the Rings and not having [TS]

  an opinion about it but so I had this I [TS]

  had this little three-ring friendship [TS]

  ring on one of my fingers and then I had [TS]

  what I tried to do some some second i [TS]

  want second level of jewelry i think [TS]

  that i think your girl gave me a on [TS]

  comics on a silver chain of like a like [TS]

  a like a like a crystal and it was meant [TS]

  to channel my my black bile or something [TS]

  i don't i don't know what it was meant [TS]

  to do but a black onyx like buying [TS]

  somebody a mop is that other things we [TS]

  can I think so i think that's exactly [TS]

  what it was she was like you have too [TS]

  much chi and you need to you need to do [TS]

  you mean you need you need to develop [TS]

  your blacky yeah yeah you need to you [TS]

  need to cleave some black chi m and [TS]

  here's the thing you don't know what [TS]

  does don't worry about it it's a Taliban [TS]

  that's been blessed by the Cardinal of [TS]

  of of crystals and put it on and you'll [TS]

  be fine so I'm wearing this [TS]

  I'm wearing this black onyx and I've got [TS]

  my friendship ring and then of course my [TS]

  silver friendship ring and then of [TS]

  course like 15 a 15 friendship bracelets [TS]

  that people had tied on my wrist because [TS]

  we were friends apparently they slept [TS]

  think so they know they dosed my [TS]

  kombucha and then I woke up and i'm [TS]

  covered with all these prayer flags and [TS]

  I was walking around like that for a [TS]

  long time at a soul patch [TS]

  oh and when you when you put it on why [TS]

  didn't you aren't you a fan of puka [TS]

  shells too and all right I had all of [TS]

  that going on [TS]

  I never had a mullet because i thought [TS]

  well bridges are six weeks away from [TS]

  being the turquoise guy is so cool i [TS]

  think i was i'm walking around wearing [TS]

  brand-new was Marlon Brando a turquoise [TS]

  guy [TS]

  I'll bet he was maybe I could see me [TS]

  Marlon Brando Brando was one of those [TS]

  like who knows what's going on with him [TS]

  like maybe he had a he felt like he felt [TS]

  feelings very deeply he could've been [TS]

  walking around with the turquoise butt [TS]

  plug in all the time and the rest of us [TS]

  didn't know but it's like it's like that [TS]

  it's clean his Chi what I want and [TS]

  Marlon Brando turquoise [TS]

  [Music] [TS]