Roderick on the Line

Ep. 195: "Cowboy Handsome"

 

  this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

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  hello hi John hi Merlin how's it going [TS]

  good it's very loud in my headphones [TS]

  here I'm Matt I'm yeah please I met a [TS]

  guy i met a outside studio highlights [TS]

  its judge john hodgman engineer volume [TS]

  knob [TS]

  ok I just John Hodgman I Merlin says I [TS]

  other than the manager of my apartment [TS]

  building or a manager of my office who [TS]

  one time knocked on the door and maybe [TS]

  was audible in the background and some [TS]

  seagulls you were the first guest voice [TS]

  on Roderick milan just here to make sure [TS]

  it sounds good everybody that sounds [TS]

  fantastic play by John please thank John [TS]

  for me Merlin says thanks [TS]

  yeah I could you put the put the baffles [TS]

  there it's just like my you know i miss [TS]

  the seagulls at John does he have [TS]

  anything to adjudicate would you like to [TS]

  join us for the program [TS]

  John would you like morones asking [TS]

  whether you would like to join us for [TS]

  Robert on the line to adjudicate some [TS]

  issues maybe some dad issues i just want [TS]

  to make sure it sounds good place like [TS]

  this template tell john thanks I'd love [TS]

  to but I we're not set up for that right [TS]

  now maybe another time and I've got it I [TS]

  got it [TS]

  just make sure the knobs and dials [TS]

  working and I gotta go do my work [TS]

  ok thank you John of all the Merlin [TS]

  wants to say thank you again [TS]

  of all the people in my life where I [TS]

  can't even hear no I know I could just [TS]

  translate everything he says 21 right [TS]

  here he goes [TS]

  Merlin over here go ahead you want [TS]

  something to adjudicate oh uh ok I i [TS]

  found a note to my daughter a love note [TS]

  to my daughter in her backpack [TS]

  should I acknowledge that ignore it or [TS]

  something else Merlin found a love note [TS]

  to his daughter in her backpack should [TS]

  he acknowledge it or should he leave it [TS]

  alone or some third option she is not [TS]

  old enough to be receiving love letters [TS]

  in my what is there a hurt she's at John [TS]

  John John she's 8 years of age and his [TS]

  rate is reciprocated [TS]

  she's 8 years of age and it seems like [TS]

  the love feelings are reciprocated [TS]

  is it clear that the letter is from a [TS]

  forty-five-year-old manager Ahn Joong [TS]

  could you please tell john it's written [TS]

  in it and nearly indecipherable scroll [TS]

  it's nearly indecipherable a scrawled [TS]

  but I think that's unclear about the age [TS]

  because if i had written a love letter [TS]

  would also be an incomprehensible take a [TS]

  picture of it if you ever need it for [TS]

  evidence but otherwise let your daughter [TS]

  began to cultivate our own inner life [TS]

  John could you please thank john hodgman [TS]

  for me of course a Merlin senses thanks [TS]

  his gratitude and appreciation [TS]

  alright he's got to do his work yeah he [TS]

  has to do is we have a story I have a [TS]

  story that i could tell you about one of [TS]

  my own children but it's their private [TS]

  life [TS]

  that's right private lives I'm working [TS]

  on it i'm working on it don't let him do [TS]

  his work you you go thank you so much [TS]

  for the top shelf engineering do you [TS]

  need water i would like the water I [TS]

  would like a hot tea [TS]

  well can you bring me some kind of [TS]

  refreshment yeah room temp thank you [TS]

  Wow him you're not a man will turn down [TS]

  a beverage [TS]

  no I like a room-temperature beverage I [TS]

  used to I i sent you a picture the no [TS]

  don't don't share with us but you can [TS]

  look at it on the video sent here too to [TS]

  my own son husband address right and my [TS]

  jaw dropped i sent it to a text it to [TS]

  you and I sent John a picture of my dick [TS]

  this is very wrong window sorry you're [TS]

  wrong window sleep [TS]

  no he can't hear you I know um you know [TS]

  I used to I used to be i still have to [TS]

  some extent a multi beverage man i think [TS]

  i've told you this at some point around [TS]

  the time i discovered scotch or awkward [TS]

  length also him [TS]

  Merlin I'm sorry to interrupt yeah i'm [TS]

  i'm being given two options one is a [TS]

  pepsi a pint glass from 1973 Warner [TS]

  Brothers branding arbys that's an arby's [TS]

  glass it's an arby's glass and it's a [TS]

  and it has the character foghorn leghorn [TS]

  on it [TS]

  oh my god and the other one appears to [TS]

  be a hand thrown ceramic mug with a [TS]

  screen-printed face of a very [TS]

  serious-looking Lyndon Baines Johnson oh [TS]

  god I'm gonna say it's LBJ [TS]

  pre Kennedy administration he appears to [TS]

  be well wait a minute and it might be it [TS]

  might be vice-president Lyndon Baines [TS]

  Johnson it's before he was president for [TS]

  sure see which one I'm tryin and tryin [TS]

  to adjudicate this in inter and a [TS]

  reasonable and fair way I don't have to [TS]

  get back to his work if it were me and [TS]

  it was room temperature water i would [TS]

  absolutely take photos of my clean [TS]

  healthy ok alright thanks to teach you [TS]

  thank John for me [TS]

  yeah Merlin would like to reiterate his [TS]

  thanks for all your all your support not [TS]

  gonna do my work going to cut all this [TS]

  out [TS]

  yeah you know no we never cut anything [TS]

  that the Cameo you can notice the cost [TS]

  ok thank you Dad [TS]

  alright so you know this is I've been [TS]

  been recording a lot of podcast lately [TS]

  remotely uh-huh and magnetically charged [TS]

  your bathtub at the half and in the in [TS]

  the streets and now I'm here I'm here at [TS]

  the at the famous judge john hodgman [TS]

  chambers and the velvet curtains and the [TS]

  enormous desk [TS]

  do you feel like you're out of material [TS]

  are resorting to stunts or is this a [TS]

  happenstance thing is it experimenting [TS]

  are you having a crisis it's just it's [TS]

  just the way it worked out what's [TS]

  leading you to all these novel locations [TS]

  I don't know I'm not really somebody [TS]

  that that does stunts I i got my god you [TS]

  know I got sick and then you get really [TS]

  sick got really sick but I think what [TS]

  happened was I i received as a gift that [TS]

  that pretty neat be castor microphone [TS]

  and things weird looking [TS]

  it's weird-looking and but it plugs into [TS]

  my laptop and I had I done the thing [TS]

  where I moved my computer to the office [TS]

  i eliminated the possibility of [TS]

  podcasting from my home [TS]

  partly or almost entirely to get me out [TS]

  of the house and into another location [TS]

  where my work could conceivably happen [TS]

  mhm but then I got this microphone and [TS]

  one when i was on the RV trip I [TS]

  podcasted from California and then I [TS]

  realized how easy it was to just pull [TS]

  plug and play [TS]

  I was plugin and [TS]

  I am and then I said he and it's of its [TS]

  those kinds of mice tend to be very [TS]

  forgiving even when i became a nominally [TS]

  professional podcaster i still use the [TS]

  same Mike I used since 2004-2005 because [TS]

  you just plug it in it goes and let him [TS]

  play [TS]

  it's idiot-proof and that the 1 i'm [TS]

  using right now is Hodgins road rude and [TS]

  it's a USB mic is it a white Mike I now [TS]

  it's sort of black looks like a [TS]

  community in all honesty it looks like a [TS]

  butt plug [TS]

  I was gonna say this looks a little bit [TS]

  like coit tower combined with a sex toy [TS]

  it's like a short coit ok short coit [TS]

  because I road is what i use this is [TS]

  very interesting stuff for our listeners [TS]

  that's that's what I used for years [TS]

  until like the last you know couple [TS]

  three years [TS]

  that's what I'm just gonna be used as he [TS]

  has one of those like radio station [TS]

  articulated Mike booms of the [TS]

  articulating boom I'm looking from his [TS]

  skype profile photo [TS]

  yeah which is actually one less creepy [TS]

  pictures I've seen of him in the last [TS]

  five years [TS]

  he's uh he's doing like a kind of a [TS]

  computer selfie talking into a hanging [TS]

  like yeah right i mean his right now his [TS]

  beard is sort of in the remember the [TS]

  movie big trouble little china never [TS]

  stopped but I know the film [TS]

  yeah well I he's got a beard that sort [TS]

  of would not be out of place in that [TS]

  film but you know my podcasts Mike [TS]

  holding setup is just a it's a desk [TS]

  stands which is to say normal mic stand [TS]

  that's only eight inches high [TS]

  I was just a character played by James [TS]

  Hong that's right i love that guy [TS]

  yeah James I'm very good he plays the he [TS]

  plays come to pandas dad [TS]

  yeah that's right he's also he's also [TS]

  the chinese restaurant guy on Seinfeld [TS]

  that's right 5-10 minutes and he he is [TS]

  looking for a girl with green eyes [TS]

  aren't we all are John yeah and so what [TS]

  happens beer now has definitely become a [TS]

  little bit how do you say how you say as [TS]

  crackly scraggly anyway so he's got this [TS]

  boom mic which makes me feel like I'm [TS]

  doing a radio interview in the like [TS]

  radio station yeah [TS]

  many of those i have em but uh but yeah [TS]

  so I keep my I keep my microphone in my [TS]

  hand [TS]

  my lap when we normally record my [TS]

  goodness and that's why when I started [TS]

  recording in my bed and then also in my [TS]

  bathtub [TS]

  I I wasn't sure what to do with that mic [TS]

  and so that picture of me recording in [TS]

  my bed it's actually on my chest [TS]

  uh-huh but I couldn't do that in the [TS]

  bath anyway so i don't i'm not this [TS]

  isn't justice [TS]

  it's not a series of of gags and the [TS]

  study is not a value judgment you got to [TS]

  keep things fresh [TS]

  yeah you don't know I feel like what I [TS]

  feel like Merlin our shows evergreen we [TS]

  never run out of its always been green [TS]

  yeah I i agree i think there will always [TS]

  be always be something here is always [TS]

  something there to remind us sump pump [TS]

  yeah like Burt Bacharach and I'm gonna [TS]

  rattle i do I had a berth backrack [TS]

  boxset right Mac Iraq boxset that I got [TS]

  that i got in 1998 that I that I adore [TS]

  that we had compact disc records [TS]

  that's right compact discs which used to [TS]

  until very recently seemed like they [TS]

  were going to be the the the way that I [TS]

  heard the living who brother you [TS]

  remember that somebody said to me the [TS]

  other day they were like do you want to [TS]

  buy compact they were being you know [TS]

  kind of smug snide pro streaming i was [TS]

  left with a millennial John was a [TS]

  millennial ma said do you want to buy a [TS]

  compact disc and I said I never wanted [TS]

  to buy a compact disc what I wanted to [TS]

  do was sell them to people [TS]

  yeah I had no personal interest in them [TS]

  but i wanted to sell them and I cannot [TS]

  sell whatever strings you can tell you [TS]

  can sell stream now that's not that [TS]

  doesn't belong to me I'm not the owner [TS]

  of stream I don't know how up-to-date [TS]

  you are on this job but that the [TS]

  streaming model is not earning artist a [TS]

  lot of money i don't have to wear this [TS]

  for and what now when I further [TS]

  understand it's not really earning money [TS]

  for anybody [TS]

  is that true didn't somebody just report [TS]

  some you know some fewer earnings than [TS]

  they expected something like we might be [TS]

  there might be a few earnings I mean you [TS]

  know there's a lot of infrastructure to [TS]

  that [TS]

  yeah and it's a you know an ecosystem I [TS]

  think it's very challenging to people [TS]

  and your was named medina team where I'm [TS]

  these number 17 86 comedy be warmer for [TS]

  a second there I little jump in the pool [TS]

  I thought you said it was an ecosystem [TS]

  and I was like a was like the new [TS]

  pornographers [TS]

  oh no no I was thinking of the one from [TS]

  the velvet underground down the bike [TS]

  right [TS]

  she don't like she doesn't like no I [TS]

  think she was a French bike Nico I might [TS]

  well my way I think she got on a bike [TS]

  but I'm not know that might have been [TS]

  what about the lady from radiolab from [TS]

  stereolab had a bike accident to the the [TS]

  radiolab lady a had had a bike accident [TS]

  i think that was a long time ago didn't [TS]

  they didn't have a terrace stereo lab [TS]

  bike accident you know Sonny Bono died [TS]

  in a skiing accident [TS]

  yeah and also that Kennedy there was a [TS]

  Kennedy the diner scheme [TS]

  I don't know buddy when i hear something [TS]

  happen with skiing on my alarm bells go [TS]

  off for me [TS]

  well this is the thin side that sounds [TS]

  like a jamup John I've skied my whole [TS]

  life and I've had a lot of accidents [TS]

  some of them horrific accidents that we [TS]

  would that we used to call the yard sale [TS]

  accident because from the point where [TS]

  you initially contact the snow to the [TS]

  point where you finally come to rest you [TS]

  leave little bits of yourself all your [TS]

  garments all of your equipment just in a [TS]

  long long sort of skid mark shot like a [TS]

  wily kpx it and yeah because you're [TS]

  going so fast that when you when you [TS]

  lose it and there's that there's that [TS]

  pregnant moment you're skiing and then [TS]

  you realize that you are going to go [TS]

  down like something happens you catch an [TS]

  edge or something is awful and there's [TS]

  that moment you're flying through the [TS]

  air and you're like oh shit and then [TS]

  when you hit when you contact and you [TS]

  start to I mean that first contact and [TS]

  then you are just flying through the air [TS]

  tumbling and the first thing you lose [TS]

  our skis and then your hat and goggles [TS]

  and then inexplicably your gloves just [TS]

  your period your gloves just come off [TS]

  for some reason and your poles and then [TS]

  snow is being stuffed into your nose and [TS]

  mouth because you're still going 40 [TS]

  miles an hour [TS]

  and then all this other stuff comes off [TS]

  your jacket somehow your boots i'm not [TS]

  actually your boots that would be really [TS]

  hard but you know by the time you come [TS]

  to arrest yeah you can be really fucked [TS]

  up but to die i'm usually I think it's [TS]

  that they hit a tree I think Sonny Bono [TS]

  hit a tree but i'm not sure even that [TS]

  like hit a tree but he's Sonny Bono how [TS]

  fast is he fucking going you know what I [TS]

  mean like like I'm trying to picture [TS]

  Sonny Bono at a speed where he would go [TS]

  out of control and hit a tree hard [TS]

  enough to die and i know this is just [TS]

  your biases out of heavenly I've been [TS]

  thinking about this for years [TS]

  how did this how did this go down and I [TS]

  and I really wish there were some crime [TS]

  scene photos of sunny like wrapped [TS]

  around a tree so I could get a mental [TS]

  picture of it [TS]

  oh my goodness says here his I don't [TS]

  mean that I don't mean to you know i got [TS]

  you babe on his grave but after his [TS]

  death mary bono corner of your son had [TS]

  been addicted to vicodin valium here you [TS]

  think he was skiing under the influence [TS]

  this is what the hell I'm sorry sorry [TS]

  sorry I douglas county coroner said no [TS]

  indication of substances or alcohol that [TS]

  seem to get careless working but that's [TS]

  good no substance isn't you know I know [TS]

  there's no chemical it happened [TS]

  completely in a vacuum that sounds very [TS]

  suspicious [TS]

  it was you know there was always a [TS]

  divide between skiers who would ski [TS]

  drunk and skiers who wouldn't [TS]

  and then there were you know like I [TS]

  loved justice Keystone it's one of the [TS]

  great feelings because you really [TS]

  recognize like wow I'm hurtling down a [TS]

  mountain it's this is a amazing this is [TS]

  this is like a singular right to know [TS]

  when you're when you're skiing ski all [TS]

  the time you just feel like oh yeah this [TS]

  is my normal thing but when you really [TS]

  realize what you're doing you're way way [TS]

  high up on a mountain in the middle of [TS]

  winter which is a condition you would [TS]

  not otherwise be in right it's kind of a [TS]

  fantastical position to be in if you had [TS]

  to [TS]

  climb there in the winter it would be [TS]

  amazing but you write a chair up there [TS]

  and then you're you're just flying down [TS]

  it and so when you're stoned [TS]

  you're aware of all that in a different [TS]

  way and you just like this is incredible [TS]

  a lot of my friends would get drunk on [TS]

  wine and ski and that always seemed [TS]

  insane like all it does is is deprived [TS]

  you of coordination it doesn't give you [TS]

  any feeling of like whoa [TS]

  it just makes you sloppy yeah I used to [TS]

  kind of a connoisseur even before my [TS]

  days are discovering whiskey I I used to [TS]

  be kind of a connoisseur of picking the [TS]

  right substance for a given situation is [TS]

  getting that wrong you don't wanna do [TS]

  that and i can see that skiing and we'd [TS]

  sounds like a match made in you know [TS]

  heavenly ski and we don't mean to to [TS]

  cross da to cross-pollinate podcast but [TS]

  skiing weed and mountain dew yeah yeah [TS]

  in what could be better at section 3.1 [TS]

  religion of Sonny Bono's profile I don't [TS]

  will probably cut this out he became [TS]

  interested in Scientology took [TS]

  Scientology coils are you can also we [TS]

  have new listeners to our podcast [TS]

  ya welcome partly because of the [TS]

  influence of me Rodgers he stated he was [TS]

  Roman Catholic on official documents his [TS]

  wife Mary also took Scientology courses [TS]

  however however after his death mary [TS]

  Bono stated that quote Sonny did try to [TS]

  break away at one point and they made it [TS]

  very difficult for him on my boat and [TS]

  you trashed the church denied any [TS]

  estrangement from bono he tried to get [TS]

  out but they pulled him back at the back [TS]

  in maybe not with the help of a [TS]

  Scientologist 30 so is it is it do you [TS]

  think they took him down to the desert [TS]

  outside of Palm Springs and put him in a [TS]

  shipping container and whacked him with [TS]

  the sagebrush or whatever it is they do [TS]

  down there could be could be could be [TS]

  that he I you know check his mail [TS]

  someday and I get with a special offers [TS]

  you get right like you with what you get [TS]

  a cruise or vacation you know maybe [TS]

  thought a worst-case it's a timeshare [TS]

  but I get to go skiing and heavenly it's [TS]

  at a time share it turned out to be a [TS]

  special offer to not leave the church of [TS]

  scientology [TS]

  Mr Bond novel idea this is an offer we [TS]

  make exactly once wasn't we ever have a [TS]

  one-time offer cannot leave the church [TS]

  of scientology heavenly is a nice name [TS]

  for a place never skied there and I'm [TS]

  embarrassed to say I really am [TS]

  embarrassed to say it you know i think i [TS]

  may say things on this podcast that [TS]

  would embarrass other people to say yeah [TS]

  I know what I'm not worried about them [TS]

  but I'm not embarrassed to say those [TS]

  things but I mean I'm genuinely [TS]

  embarrassed to say what I'm about to say [TS]

  can which is that I have not skied that [TS]

  many places while I can be embarrassed [TS]

  to say that well because you know skiing [TS]

  was a big part of my identity when I was [TS]

  growing up right and and I've been to [TS]

  Europe many times but I've never skied [TS]

  there [TS]

  I've been to all 50 states but i have [TS]

  only skied in Alaska Washington and [TS]

  Idaho I've never skied in Colorado [TS]

  oh no we don't know I've never seen [TS]

  Colorado never skating utah I've never [TS]

  even skied in Wyoming have killed him [TS]

  Idaho Washington and Alaska now I've [TS]

  never even been to Mount Hood and and it [TS]

  just feels like for all of the for all [TS]

  of the like adventuring that I [TS]

  supposedly do that that just I don't [TS]

  know what I think I feel like it [TS]

  reflects poorly on me that I should have [TS]

  been you know been to andorra i stood at [TS]

  the foot of the ski mountain I played [TS]

  rock music at the Sundance Film Festival [TS]

  stood at the foot of the ski mountain [TS]

  but I just never I didn't because going [TS]

  skiing in a in a strange mountain is [TS]

  such a pain in the ass right you have to [TS]

  go grant all your stuff you have to [TS]

  dedicate all day to it you wake up early [TS]

  find a set of gloves somewhere you know [TS]

  it's not it's not a sport that you can [TS]

  just spontaneously but I but people do [TS]

  it all the time they spontaneously go [TS]

  skiing all the time [TS]

  spontaneous key is the thing yeah i'm [TS]

  just not a spontaneous skier and that [TS]

  and the result of that is that I've [TS]

  never have just skied in these three [TS]

  states [TS]

  kind of embarrassed to say huh I just I [TS]

  feel like I feel like a coat of shame [TS]

  I feel like they're going to be people [TS]

  that write me and say and just basically [TS]

  like go man haha oh you're gonna lose [TS]

  cred promiscuous keen community all [TS]

  these people that have skied zermatt or [TS]

  skated garmisch-partenkirchen Swat [TS]

  Valley snowbird parks do you have the [TS]

  little bald Aspen Monta san lorenzo [TS]

  beavercreek these are all places listed [TS]

  on the wikipedia page for a list of [TS]

  skiing deaths ya go skiing death [TS]

  no yeah yeah I'm trying to cross [TS]

  references of people who may or may not [TS]

  be Scientologist how many what about [TS]

  natasha richardson was she a [TS]

  Scientologist is she the one that was in [TS]

  that james bond movie where it seemed [TS]

  implausible to choose a nuclear [TS]

  physicist [TS]

  oh no that's probably Denise Richards [TS]

  Denise Richards not natasha richardson [TS]

  with one dated the guy with the drug [TS]

  problem [TS]

  oh uh which one dated the guy with the [TS]

  drug problem was that can students [TS]

  oh that's you know what your realistics [TS]

  yes yes that's also i think Denise [TS]

  Richards ok alright is Richard she was [TS]

  that pretty girl in magazines in the [TS]

  nineties is in the change-up on didn't [TS]

  find her pretty much just not your type [TS]

  out your right toes was very unusual [TS]

  ww-wait for you huh do not well that's [TS]

  no this is the thing I like a nose that [TS]

  kind of gets in the way and her nose [TS]

  seemed like it had been whittled down so [TS]

  there wasn't anything to get in the way [TS]

  yeah right it seems like it seems like a [TS]

  small nose basically if your nose is [TS]

  capable of getting nectar from a flower [TS]

  if he knows is capable get next flower [TS]

  you might be coming but you might be a [TS]

  hummingbird you have a prominent [TS]

  proboscis and like to ski [TS]

  I'm so glad that are that are southern [TS]

  lawyer that's kind of my jeff foxworthy [TS]

  you're done [TS]

  epidural hematoma that's a shame you're [TS]

  pretty name for a girl and then yes so [TS]

  the woman merry Hanson from stereolab [TS]

  died in a bike accident where there's a [TS]

  list of famous bike deaths like axe [TS]

  yeah you know a good friend of mine who [TS]

  plays do [TS]

  drums in the band keen Richard he is a [TS]

  real advocate for bike safety in London [TS]

  wow yeah so he's talking all the time I [TS]

  see a lot of of helmet cam videos from [TS]

  the streets around London where [TS]

  bicyclists are on like these kind of [TS]

  ridiculously narrow bike paths and then [TS]

  some angry lorry driver will [TS]

  intentionally run them off the road [TS]

  because there's a lot of apparently a [TS]

  lot of hatred of bicycle culture in the [TS]

  UK man which sort of you know it just is [TS]

  a it's a a it's a corollary to just the [TS]

  general hatred that's in the UK but it's [TS]

  directed at bicyclist it's a civil kind [TS]

  of hatred [TS]

  no I think if you're running someone off [TS]

  the road the the question of civility [TS]

  has already been answered [TS]

  alright agree and disagree yeah oh you [TS]

  think that you can you think you can run [TS]

  but i think it's a little bit it's a [TS]

  little bit you know America centric for [TS]

  you to not be sensitive to the [TS]

  subtleties of the the class distinctions [TS]

  in the united kingdom [TS]

  well i don't know i don't want her to [TS]

  judge i mean some people with dogs you [TS]

  know I've spent a lot of time over there [TS]

  and I feel like I'm a pretty good sense [TS]

  of how deeply deeply sublimated their [TS]

  British people seem seem angry [TS]

  yeah they're well you know they used to [TS]

  have an empire that spanned the globe [TS]

  the Sun never sat sun never sat on the [TS]

  British Empire and now it sits on the [TS]

  British Empire every morning just as [TS]

  long as it once just sits there and the [TS]

  British Empire is trying to get out from [TS]

  under the Sun but yep and it cannot fix [TS]

  them [TS]

  sure uh yeah sure that Venezuela you [TS]

  know you got the changes in oil prices [TS]

  it's a complicated time for everyone [TS]

  they're not making any money from [TS]

  streaming it's a tough time on that and [TS]

  that's affecting Cuba right Venezuela [TS]

  used to use to fund Cuba with their with [TS]

  their extra oil like a big game of [TS]

  diplomacy and nobody's winning [TS]

  yeah it's a it's like the game of Clue [TS]

  right we're here where your country [TS]

  acquires a bunch of wheat and then [TS]

  trades the wheat for the candlestick [TS]

  right you sank my battleship exactly [TS]

  same thing [TS]

  Jack I feel like I feel like are we are [TS]

  we are we dropping ourselves this [TS]

  episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

  brought to you in part by braintree [TS]

  looking to set up payments for your [TS]

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  believe me braintree will be there to [TS]

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  gotta check this out for yourself by [TS]

  going to braintree payments dot-com / [TS]

  supertrain our thanks to braintree for [TS]

  supporting Roderick on the loss yeah you [TS]

  ever get that feeling that were dropping [TS]

  ourselves [TS]

  yeah right where you know for a long [TS]

  time people try to trip you try to show [TS]

  how would they go about that [TS]

  oh you know they trope you like you your [TS]

  wallet online shopping it's kinda like [TS]

  almost like online bullying yeah you can [TS]

  you say like oh that person's [TS]

  appropriate about trusting ourselves you [TS]

  mean like were like descending into [TS]

  self-parody well yeah I mean you and I [TS]

  have never really said hashtag [TS]

  supertrain to each other right other [TS]

  people say hashtag supertrain to us [TS]

  yeah and if we start super training one [TS]

  another yeah right work the worthen [TS]

  where Trump you're flying too close to [TS]

  the Sun but right now my friend [TS]

  alright I'll back swings merry merry [TS]

  Hanson she does not funny she died in an [TS]

  on the ppt page for a cycling road [TS]

  accident deaths and nico nico from the [TS]

  velvet underground she went that way a [TS]

  lot so I don't recognize you know you [TS]

  want you want your [TS]

  famous people to die of drugs right yeah [TS]

  you don't want them to die like you know [TS]

  if you're a soldier there's nothing more [TS]

  honorable you know then going down in [TS]

  the art and whatever right I see not to [TS]

  dive drugs no well i don't know i mean i [TS]

  don't want to be you know I don't know I [TS]

  don't know that much about the about the [TS]

  military but you know i mean it makes [TS]

  sense that if you're in [TS]

  I don't know I'm gonna see again I don't [TS]

  be culturally insensitive but yeah [TS]

  that's how you want people to die you [TS]

  want to die of a drug overdose or like a [TS]

  second overdose although i don't know [TS]

  anybody that's ever that's ever happened [TS]

  except for goldie Hawn's husband in [TS]

  private benjamin right [TS]

  oh yes and that was that the [TS]

  precipitating that was the event that [TS]

  led her to want to join the active [TS]

  military I don't think she wanted to [TS]

  join I feel like shit her her husband [TS]

  was going to afford her very comfortable [TS]

  life [TS]

  yeah and then he died on the bathroom [TS]

  floor on their wedding night [TS]

  is that true you well that's sad what [TS]

  horrible horrible way to begin a comedy [TS]

  yeah go go to go to the wikipedia page [TS]

  for a drive and have a pitchman deaths [TS]

  and then for some reason I'm not sure [TS]

  why right because she would have [TS]

  inherited his maybe he didn't have any [TS]

  money or maybe his family fought her for [TS]

  the inheritance or something seems like [TS]

  it was on our wedding night she already [TS]

  would have been able to well for [TS]

  whatever reason my gosh i was Albert [TS]

  Brooks John know that's what it says [TS]

  here on wikipedia Albert Brooks really [TS]

  died on their wedding night during sex [TS]

  or sec intercourse quickest quickest and [TS]

  then she was forced to become a private [TS]

  in the army [TS]

  haha she's recruited by a sneaky [TS]

  recruiting sergeant played by wait for [TS]

  it Harry Dean Stanton no come on there's [TS]

  kids you know Wikipedia hey Jim Ballard [TS]

  played by Harry Dean Stanton this can't [TS]

  be that much of an all-star cast this is [TS]

  amazing that Janet Walsh's in here [TS]

  somewhere [TS]

  I remember feeling like Private Benjamin [TS]

  was it really acquitted itself well to [TS]

  my what twelve-year-old mind what year [TS]

  was it [TS]

  thank you can be 2 1989 teensy so this [TS]

  is x 12 years old or 12 years old and I [TS]

  thought Private Benjamin was just the [TS]

  jam but wait a minute what year was [TS]

  stripes right I'm gonna I'm gonna call [TS]

  that 181 but i'll check right so I mean [TS]

  one of these [TS]

  one of these things presage the other [TS]

  right one of them [TS]

  yeah there was definitely some reitman [TS]

  in the air 1981 you got the movie [TS]

  stripes i see so so live and rancis [TS]

  Private Benjamin inspired can you say [TS]

  that private benjamin inspired stripes [TS]

  would with is that is that too risky [TS]

  oicic I think I see we're going there is [TS]

  somebody is some film major gonna say no [TS]

  no see I'm thinking I'm thinking the [TS]

  pivot I'm thinking of is private [TS]

  benjamin seems to me maybe inspired a [TS]

  little bit by something along the lines [TS]

  of analysis doesn't live here anymore [TS]

  you know that's a that's something I'd [TS]

  that's a reference I don't get what [TS]

  happened in our you love to do you love [TS]

  the TV program Alice with linda lavin [TS]

  vic tayback oh is that is that a movie [TS]

  from the TV show or TV show from no no [TS]

  no now uh in in the the early seventies [TS]

  the great Don Martin Scorsese a client [TS]

  Marty had a film called Alice doesn't [TS]

  live here anymore and that's the movie [TS]

  upon which the the TV show is based on [TS]

  with the titular character had to leave [TS]

  a failing marriage and she took her she [TS]

  took her like preteen son and early to [TS]

  rise early to bed in between she cook [TS]

  and clean one out of her head she went [TS]

  to I went to Phoenix well by the time [TS]

  she got to phoenix yeah and then she met [TS]

  mail and flow was a comedy he likes [TS]

  horses you did a lot of comment is a [TS]

  comment out i think also that's the [TS]

  first time I ever heard the mott the [TS]

  hoople song all the way from Memphis i [TS]

  think was the song was either that or [TS]

  maybe not Johnson remember have a good [TS]

  soundtrack Marty's always done good [TS]

  soundtracks yeah true true enough it [TS]

  might have been that one from his his [TS]

  cowboy concept album i'm thinking of I [TS]

  feel like during the during that period [TS]

  i feel like i was pretty traumatized by [TS]

  Kramer vs Kramer cowboy and it was hard [TS]

  for me to watch any kind of divorce like [TS]

  late seventies devotion sure divorce [TS]

  porn here can we open it and that's what [TS]

  it was but they have except goodbye girl [TS]

  was one of the great examples mean [TS]

  goodbye girl if every movie could be [TS]

  like goodbye girl [TS]

  am i right do you feel that way I see [TS]

  now this is my ski shame i don't think [TS]

  i've ever seen that they'll play major [TS]

  ok now are you serious [TS]

  I mean it was really something by the [TS]

  way Ellen Burstyn and Eileen Brennan or [TS]

  different people did you know that which [TS]

  one died in a bike accident unless [TS]

  you're ellen burstyn was doing Alice [TS]

  doesn't live here anymore Eileen Brennan [TS]

  was the one in private benjamin a highly [TS]

  burstyn was a she was a comedian right [TS]

  now you may be thinking Ellen Barkin oh [TS]

  I'm the email and bar who is also not a [TS]

  comedian ellen burstyn and Eileen Barkin [TS]

  and I was the last one uh I are likely [TS]

  Eileen Brennan Brennan Arlene Brennan [TS]

  Eileen Barkin Ellen first DeGeneres yeah [TS]

  I all our different people that's right [TS]

  now Ellen Burstyn was born Edna ray [TS]

  Gillooly which is an awesome name and an [TS]

  irregularly she's born in Detroit she's [TS]

  83 years old now if I were david [TS]

  letterman i would now say Gillooly [TS]

  colori times during the show because i [TS]

  don't have a joke here I just like [TS]

  saying coolio she was in the same time [TS]

  next year that was the diamond ever seen [TS]

  that was down all the guy from mash I [TS]

  don't know everyone knows who Alan all [TS]

  is well that's not true match match went [TS]

  off the air 3 33 years ago [TS]

  boy I want to get back to goodbye girl [TS]

  yeah I don't get to talk about my [TS]

  beverages but but that's ok i really [TS]

  want let's go back let's goodbye girl is [TS]

  referenced by many many people it's one [TS]

  of those things where like I it's weird [TS]

  that i miss that but if I feel like [TS]

  goodbye girl what's the joke what was a [TS]

  seinfeld was there some show where they [TS]

  kept referencing goodbye girl and not [TS]

  wanting the other person to realize it [TS]

  wasn't thousand oh my gosh Ellen Burstyn [TS]

  sufi that's interesting been married [TS]

  three times and I I would never have [TS]

  known that i'm still not able to picture [TS]

  l Eileen burstyn Eileen Eileen DeGeneres [TS]

  ellen burstyn has been married three [TS]

  times [TS]

  she hasn't been married since 1972 the [TS]

  thing is i would be following along here [TS]

  but I can't get the hyper corners on [TS]

  John Hodgman enormous mac computer to [TS]

  activate you still using a mac home [TS]

  oh you're there you're slicing here's [TS]

  the hyper corners [TS]

  ok [TS]

  are using expose John what's that what's [TS]

  going on you know I've noticed that a [TS]

  lot of people use chrome is crime i know [TS]

  thats I that comports with what I was [TS]

  just saying about a lot of people and [TS]

  one of them but uh but I always in I [TS]

  just go to Safari people like Safari it [TS]

  comes on the mac i don't i'm not sure [TS]

  that i like it you know what I don't [TS]

  like any of the map programs anymore are [TS]

  given up huh [TS]

  I used to like Google Maps i even i [TS]

  never liked Apple maps uses a lot of [TS]

  Google Earth Google Earth you can just [TS]

  see you just sit there for hours looking [TS]

  at for us and Czechoslovakia yeah now [TS]

  well I believe me i zoomed in on so many [TS]

  forests in Czechoslovakia looking for [TS]

  specific details on the ground right [TS]

  where was that obelisk or whatever [TS]

  sure hours and hours but now every time [TS]

  I load one of those map programs i'll be [TS]

  standing on the street right and there's [TS]

  like a truck bearing down on me and I'm [TS]

  like which way do I go and I load a map [TS]

  i love google maps and the program has [TS]

  become stupider and stupider overtime so [TS]

  now it can never figure out where I am [TS]

  it can't into it what I'm asking it [TS]

  which is show me a map right [TS]

  it wants to think that I want something [TS]

  that I don't [TS]

  it's got too much like it has just [TS]

  enough agency to not realize that I just [TS]

  want to map but not enough agency to [TS]

  really divine what I'm asking it to do [TS]

  which is generally show me a map very [TS]

  frustrating all right hang on i'm [TS]

  putting in Eileen burst and ellen [TS]

  burstyn also yes it was all the way from [TS]

  Memphis by mott the hoople was the song [TS]

  that I was thinking of from Alice [TS]

  doesn't live here anymore also Jodie [TS]

  Foster was in Alice doesn't live here [TS]

  anymore also Harvey Keitel how did I [TS]

  miss this film I don't know Diane Ladd [TS]

  was in it right now Diane land i can [TS]

  easily confuse her with ellen ellen [TS]

  burstyn and I'm bringing ellen burstyn [TS]

  ellen burstyn right solution lots of [TS]

  things she was she was a Sufi i was [TS]

  watching so the other night I watched [TS]

  the television show girls who the first [TS]

  time I don't know if you've seen this [TS]

  team and I've seen showgirls yeah and I [TS]

  got rights got a UH rilo kiley at the [TS]

  guide Riley [TS]

  the guy the guy thats a that's the the [TS]

  good doctors grandson he's the guy who [TS]

  never has a shirt on [TS]

  that's right that's right that's right [TS]

  right right here who was in that super [TS]

  annoying movie where he was like a he [TS]

  was playing them the fun millennial [TS]

  character that the two middle-aged [TS]

  people wanted to be friends with uh ok [TS]

  it was sort of like a movie based on the [TS]

  idea of girls but seen from the [TS]

  perspective of some middle-aged people [TS]

  that wanted to stay relevant [TS]

  mmm i was pretty hard to watch but uh [TS]

  anyway watching the show you start the [TS]

  beginning [TS]

  no I started in the middle but I and and [TS]

  I don't normally do that but it was just [TS]

  like this is too much to figure out how [TS]

  to watch the show I don't know if I want [TS]

  to watch it figure itself out i'm just [TS]

  gonna start in the middle of season two [TS]

  but a couple of things happened one I [TS]

  liked it quite a bit too i realized that [TS]

  the music was by Michael Penn and the [TS]

  music was spectacular [TS]

  he's pretty good and also a lot of the [TS]

  bit characters that the like moms and [TS]

  dads in the show like the moms and dads [TS]

  of the characters uh other main [TS]

  characters are all played by sitcom [TS]

  stars from the eighties that were like [TS]

  the mom of one of the characters was the [TS]

  was the cute girl from the Newhart show [TS]

  when he moved up to Vermont and have the [TS]

  lodge have a lot of girl that was kinda [TS]

  cute and she's kind of quirky little [TS]

  she's kind of the Diane that show [TS]

  elections that I am and her husband on [TS]

  the Newhart show was the guy from bosom [TS]

  buddies who was all Peter Peter Scolari [TS]

  the guy who wasn't Tom Hanks and peter [TS]

  scolari also appears him girls i love [TS]

  peter scolari but not married to the to [TS]

  the girl from New heart but a different [TS]

  he's a different dad will switch a month [TS]

  we'll switch them up and i'm watching [TS]

  the show and I'm just like oh my [TS]

  goodness like all these all these stars [TS]

  that were like the young beautiful stars [TS]

  honest I'm such as [TS]

  I have to admit I am such a sucker for [TS]

  that oh yeah I mean you know when [TS]

  they're like well that the good the good [TS]

  eighties cameo there's an ad watching [TS]

  episode of Parks and Rec with john [TS]

  larroquette playing a completely [TS]

  unhinged like very insecure man in his [TS]

  like sixties or seventies and it was [TS]

  great you get the play against type it's [TS]

  fun [TS]

  Peter Scolari I'm glad he's out there I [TS]

  always you know this is the confusing [TS]

  thing there's not going to be a lot of [TS]

  people listening this program that I've [TS]

  never seen bosom buddies but bosom [TS]

  buddies was very influential show i had [TS]

  strong feelings about that show [TS]

  yeah I did too and it was like a show [TS]

  that was made for me at that was right [TS]

  in the pocket for me because that was my [TS]

  humor [TS]

  oh that was funny me too and then the [TS]

  premise was that Tom Hanks before he was [TS]

  famous and peter scolari were like [TS]

  Tootsie it's a pre Tootsie show was a [TS]

  pretense II think it was pretty I think [TS]

  influence Tootsie I think when she came [TS]

  out I was like this is just the plot of [TS]

  books on my god i think you're right it [TS]

  came out like two years after after [TS]

  bosom buddies [TS]

  yeah right but somebody's is is kind of [TS]

  private benjamin era writers strike [TS]

  no no you're right it I came out in 1980 [TS]

  no sorry sorry sorry i took it back so [TS]

  it wasn't buddies canceled in nineteen [TS]

  eighty-two already cancelled by 1980 to [TS]

  cancel 82 so this show right they were [TS]

  they were trying to live in New York [TS]

  achieves a young maverick guys who want [TS]

  to break into advertising right and [TS]

  there's no way they could afford the the [TS]

  rents of manhattan which seems crazy [TS]

  considering that in nineteen eighty it [TS]

  was not expensive to live in Manhattan [TS]

  not not anywhere near as expensive as it [TS]

  is now anyway so they lived in an [TS]

  all-girl like a YWCA basically like an [TS]

  apartment building for single women and [TS]

  off the hijinks that ensued but what was [TS]

  confusing to me was that at the time [TS]

  watching the show I preferred the peter [TS]

  scolari character [TS]

  yeah he was the 1i like right i mean he [TS]

  was he was the Luke to Tom Hanks is Tom [TS]

  and Tom solo Han Solo a little bit like [TS]

  it was easier to relate to Peter Scolari [TS]

  he was kind of that the site keeps the [TS]

  second banana [TS]

  yeah but Tom Hanks seem kind of gangly [TS]

  and glory was you know like everybody [TS]

  like Starsky [TS]

  nobody wanted to be hutch yeah I know I [TS]

  know I know the same way that everybody [TS]

  wanted to be Luke Duke instead of boat [TS]

  do you think so did you want to be Bo [TS]

  Duke I think I think Bo Duke is is rick [TS]

  from the walking dead but let me get [TS]

  this right [TS]

  Luke Duke is it you know what it doesn't [TS]

  matter you're watching the show yes [TS]

  maybe but I also i often wanted to be [TS]

  the person who was the person I wasn't [TS]

  supposed to want to be I like Luke more [TS]

  than hot in the first movie when I was a [TS]

  little no no that's cool it's cool to [TS]

  say it's cool to say you want to be Han [TS]

  Solo but I was totally a Luke person as [TS]

  can be true he was a he was so whiny [TS]

  well alright yeah and I don't want to [TS]

  i'm not trying okay it's fine fine it's [TS]

  a little on the nose don't want to Luke [TS]

  shame you look at the way they would [TS]

  dress up on that show on buddy [TS]

  so they had they had to as I this is not [TS]

  where we use anymore but they had to [TS]

  dress in what used to be called drag [TS]

  that's right right now it's a drag [TS]

  anymore [TS]

  I'm steering clear the whole thing but [TS]

  they would have to wear makeup and wigs [TS]

  and a lot of humor uh initial humor was [TS]

  derived out of the the sunlight hotness [TS]

  of these two living in this lady's hotel [TS]

  and of course then you got sunny I think [TS]

  her name was this is a decision that we [TS]

  can actually do that anywhere life [TS]

  yeah at the new there stick right she [TS]

  will know that was it wasn't amy-jo [TS]

  sperber that seems like a fake name and [TS]

  totally see maybe throw sperber would be [TS]

  my drag but Tom Hanks his character his [TS]

  name I don't remember was infatuated by [TS]

  by dan Aykroyd wife Donna Dixon right [TS]

  and she met dan Aykroyd during the [TS]

  filming of doctor detroit one of the [TS]

  all-time great mom I'm gonna rip off [TS]

  your head and shit down your neck [TS]

  why do you always have to really [TS]

  inexplicable movies that that and and [TS]

  nothing but trouble to movies that are [TS]

  very hard to understand who dr. Detroit [TS]

  nothing but trouble [TS]

  yeah i was watching what's that movie oh [TS]

  burn after reading burn after reading a [TS]

  movie it's a coen brothers movie [TS]

  oh and you know I was thinking a lot [TS]

  about this like the Coen brothers make [TS]

  some movies that are very serious [TS]

  and they also make some movies that are [TS]

  very funny [TS]

  let me make those movies in between that [TS]

  are neither serious nor funny and those [TS]

  are the ones that really baffle me and [TS]

  burn after reading is in that category [TS]

  interesting like I think the weather was [TS]

  a serious man probably count on that a [TS]

  little bit i know is why i love their [TS]

  movies [TS]

  oh yes normally I do too but this is a [TS]

  movie that that has all-star cast right [TS]

  John Malkovich sure Brad Pitt and George [TS]

  Clooney I feel like maybe what it is is [TS]

  that if George Clooney is a coen [TS]

  brothers movie it isn't the chances are [TS]

  it's not going to be one of the good [TS]

  ones [TS]

  oh really feel like that may be true i [TS]

  mean everybody likes but oh brother [TS]

  where art thou [TS]

  yeah it's it's you know it's it it's a [TS]

  great exercise [TS]

  I'm it's not something i returned to [TS]

  like I would return to the bagel about [TS]

  your size huh [TS]

  it's an exercise right that's exactly [TS]

  right like you know like el c├ęsar i [TS]

  meant just to see how Caesar when it [TS]

  gets to where I can launch it [TS]

  I saw it it's got George Clooney verdict [TS]

  what'swhat's out how do you Judy Kate [TS]

  what I'm saying boy let me let me put it [TS]

  this way it picture George Clooney in [TS]

  the big lebowski didn't want him there [TS]

  I don't know I think you do are you [TS]

  saying you don't like the big lebowski i [TS]

  love the big lebowski I just don't want [TS]

  George Clooney there and I think George [TS]

  Clooney was there the big lebowski would [TS]

  be a lesser film and I say that as a [TS]

  George Clooney I like George Clooney I [TS]

  detail big fan I like him I thought he [TS]

  was really good in the one about about [TS]

  the one other the torture one [TS]

  no no the one where he puts jennifer [TS]

  lopez in a trunk know that was good [TS]

  though doesn't get all that was a good [TS]

  movie [TS]

  oh boy the chemistry they have as a good [TS]

  movie you know what I mean no i'm [TS]

  talking about the one about [TS]

  gongshow oh yeah the salmon salmon [TS]

  salmon salmon rockwell sam rockwell you [TS]

  got the seminal events in simulating the [TS]

  big lebowski that's right he's also on [TS]

  parks and rec yeah no he's not on parks [TS]

  and rec yeah he plays the other run [TS]

  people is Ron done to run Swanson's Ron [TS]

  Swanson how come I've never seen a [TS]

  picture of him in that I'll see what I [TS]

  see pictures of Ron Swanson all the time [TS]

  oh he is awfully awfully good in that he [TS]

  starts out seem like he's gonna be [TS]

  exactly like Ron Swanson and it turns [TS]

  out he's like a hippie guy who wear [TS]

  sandals and he's really really good [TS]

  mustache or no mustache mustache [TS]

  yeah i'll find a picture for you it's [TS]

  must have cast casting is what that is [TS]

  oh yeah stash casting he's a handsome [TS]

  guy you look at some pictures that guy [TS]

  when he was younger I mean still look [TS]

  very handsome guy its conservative he [TS]

  seems like you'd be very conservative i [TS]

  think that maybe he's not I'm you know [TS]

  Tom Selleck gave a bad name to signature [TS]

  mustaches just because you have a large [TS]

  aperture for your mustache does not mean [TS]

  you have to be a conservative that's all [TS]

  the fighting I don't know I don't know [TS]

  about Sam Elliott I feel like I feel [TS]

  like he he's cowboy handsome in a way [TS]

  there how my god i wanted to be cowboy [TS]

  handsome so badly on that that's a type [TS]

  and I I don't think you really don't get [TS]

  to pick that out like that'sthat's ee [TS]

  have it or you don't [TS]

  well kris kristofferson cowboy hands [TS]

  chris Christie I'll absolutely cowboy [TS]

  handsome right and kris kristofferson [TS]

  not a cowboy [TS]

  he was an Air Force like a officer he [TS]

  was an officer in the US air force in [TS]

  this kidding me [TS]

  no Kris Kristofferson Christmas driving [TS]

  the he's lived one of those George [TS]

  Plimpton lives yeah I that makes sense [TS]

  and and then became like a songwriter [TS]

  songwriter before he was well known as a [TS]

  performer [TS]

  uh that's right and then and I you know [TS]

  him he dated Janis Joplin he lived in [TS]

  the he lived in the Chelsea Hotel you [TS]

  know all these things and but yeah [TS]

  there's something you know now that he [TS]

  was in that Waylon Jennings Willie [TS]

  Nelson Johnny Cash band he was a [TS]

  military brat right and down here [TS]

  i anoint his Wikipedia page he was a [TS]

  Rhodes Scholar are you kidding me [TS]

  the road Scholar you went to Oxford and [TS]

  then cowboy hats on and a Rhodes Scholar [TS]

  can imagine that master's degree in [TS]

  english in 1960 Wow 33 everything right [TS]

  now I always think of nineteen sixty as [TS]

  a year that is sort of pre all culture [TS]

  it's kind of one of those years like [TS]

  1997 that exists out of time it's it's [TS]

  neither fish nor fowl yeah right i mean [TS]

  I all of the cars from 19 from the [TS]

  fifties all have wings and our and look [TS]

  like pregnant purposes and then in [TS]

  nineteen sixty we started to get the [TS]

  flat cars the square cars the cars that [TS]

  drive themselves they not the shifter [TS]

  cars and but they but the 1960 cars for [TS]

  the most part were not the good square [TS]

  cars right they were the they were the [TS]

  of the test case [TS]

  ok but and also pre I mean it's post [TS]

  rock and roll but all the rock and roll [TS]

  up to them was pompadour rock and then [TS]

  after you know 62 then it became a bowl [TS]

  haircut rock right and so here he is [TS]

  already has a master's degree and it's [TS]

  pre its pre bowl haircut rock you got a [TS]

  lot of jazz is still around [TS]

  Elvis is still hanging on you got a lot [TS]

  of like a lot of jazz you got Ricky [TS]

  Nelson you got Frank Sinatra Kingston [TS]

  Trio you got the folk stuff happening [TS]

  and i think the girl group stuff hadn't [TS]

  all right around starting yeah but I [TS]

  mean like one day one of the Ronettes [TS]

  like ones that don't think but I mean [TS]

  was doing and sixties he still takes 15 [TS]

  hours a day in Minnesota but so anyway [TS]

  then crystal person joins the army [TS]

  becomes a captain diet that is a big [TS]

  that's up that's a big rank yes it [TS]

  certainly is and became a helicopter [TS]

  pilot and then in nineteen sixty-five he [TS]

  went and taught English Literature at [TS]

  West [TS]

  point or was you know was a well almost [TS]

  did and then decided to leave the army [TS]

  to pursue songwriting in 65 his family [TS]

  disowned him because of this decision [TS]

  and they never reconciled with him [TS]

  oh no that's terrible to hear that isn't [TS]

  that incredible like he he left the army [TS]

  and 65 moved to Nashville and when you [TS]

  think about Christmas rocks and you [TS]

  think about him in the seventies you [TS]

  know with the like by then he's an actor [TS]

  i think i'm going to get that noise you [TS]

  make it's the only thing Kris [TS]

  Kristofferson I think I'm yeah right [TS]

  right because of that movie with Barbra [TS]

  Streisand [TS]

  mhm no I think that's Nick that's Nick [TS]

  Fury was that caused no Nikki and the [TS]

  government who is ours down and out in [TS]

  beverly hills right worries he eats the [TS]

  eats the the salmon that he finds its [TS]

  transcript that well but so anyway I [TS]

  christmas star person's life has always [TS]

  astonished me so much that I can't I [TS]

  can't even really like the only thing [TS]

  missing is that a certain point it is a [TS]

  government asset for like a retired [TS]

  director of the CIA can if anybody was [TS]

  gonna be that it was him i guess i'm [TS]

  glad i learned that that's kind of [TS]

  that's another one of another thing to [TS]

  be depressed about one thing about this [TS]

  willie nelson was born in 1933 what is [TS]

  Willie Nelson look like now he looks [TS]

  like like a dried apple I think he looks [TS]

  he looks like a vacation bible school [TS]

  clock-watching yeah he looks like [TS]

  he'slooking my pal together with with [TS]

  the popsicle sticks but he looked like [TS]

  that since like 1968 [TS]

  well that's what I'm saying Kris [TS]

  Kristofferson is only three years [TS]

  younger than Willie Nelson's born in [TS]

  1936 his mom's age that's insane but any [TS]

  still just looks as you know he still is [TS]

  cowboy handsome as ever [TS]

  cowboy handsome i wanted to be cowboy [TS]

  handsome how you me both buddy I used to [TS]

  sit I used to imagine this is one of [TS]

  those weird things I I never actually [TS]

  pursued being a bush pilot like I never [TS]

  after I got my pie [TS]

  its license as a kid I never did [TS]

  anything else to be a bush pilot [TS]

  uh-huh but I continue to fantasize about [TS]

  being a bush pilot for several years [TS]

  after like I when I pictured myself as a [TS]

  grownup one of the ways I imagine myself [TS]

  was as a bush pilot and i'm not sure i'm [TS]

  not sure why right I [TS]

  I that was a that was a job that was [TS]

  accessible to me I could have become a [TS]

  bush pilot and what and what I would [TS]

  have done was during high school or or [TS]

  the summer after high school would have [TS]

  gone down to the airport and got a job [TS]

  pumping gas for the airplanes and you [TS]

  know immersed myself in that life I knew [TS]

  a lot of bush pilots I couldn't been a [TS]

  bush but i didn't i didn't do anything [TS]

  like that but to be a bush pilot seem to [TS]

  me to be the gateway to a kind of cowboy [TS]

  handsome who right where you kind of [TS]

  hear clothes were always a little bit [TS]

  stainle how are you how are you not [TS]

  going to find adventure if your push [TS]

  politics that's exactly you're the guy [TS]

  who drives indie away while the shooting [TS]

  arrows right you're you got one of those [TS]

  little water planes maybe or you know I [TS]

  don't know which is a bush pilot but [TS]

  that's that's that that's a ticket to [TS]

  adventure that's the guy a bush pilot is [TS]

  one of the Alaskan bush pilot is one of [TS]

  the jobs one of the very few jobs [TS]

  we're carrying a pistol and a shoulder [TS]

  holster does not seem crazy right like [TS]

  how right sure mean how many jobs like [TS]

  theirs theirs to be a marvel comics [TS]

  artist right let's head Brubaker we see [TS]

  the guy carry pistol [TS]

  well ed brubaker claims i don't know [TS]

  what he claims [TS]

  maybe maybe he claims that he never did [TS]

  or maybe he claims that I that at one [TS]

  point I told that story and EDD [TS]

  contacted me and he said I never wore a [TS]

  vest because I said he was wearing a gun [TS]

  in a shoulder holster under a vest [TS]

  yeah and he runs that i never wore a [TS]

  vest well that's not denying the gun [TS]

  that's that is that's a non-denial [TS]

  denials just denying the best right [TS]

  who but how many jobs you know if you're [TS]

  a double O you can carry a gun in a [TS]

  shoulder holster if you're you like [TS]

  James Bond [TS]

  yeah but she said like it rhymes with [TS]

  Douglas I mean really happy with your [TS]

  doubled over double and I think your [TS]

  general you can carry for four loko in a [TS]

  shoulder this episode of Roderick on the [TS]

  line is brought to you in part by [TS]

  Squarespace start building your website [TS]

  today at squarespace.com and be sure and [TS]

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  going to get you ten percent off your [TS]

  first purchase and it will show your [TS]

  support for Robert on the line [TS]

  our thanks to squarespace for supporting [TS]

  Roderick on the line and all the great [TS]

  shows [TS]

  but uh mango i know well yeah sure it's [TS]

  bigger now [TS]

  sure I was figure then but it's only [TS]

  because the good four lokos are aren't [TS]

  made anymore [TS]

  uh our brood but like but you know if [TS]

  you're if you're a gritty San Francisco [TS]

  detective you can carry a gun in a [TS]

  shoulder holster and then what else like [TS]

  a crocodile hunter yeah but if you're if [TS]

  you're a bush pilot and i say this [TS]

  because I've known a handful of bush [TS]

  pilots the do carry guns in a shoulder [TS]

  holster it's not required i know a lot [TS]

  of Bush parts that don't but if you if [TS]

  you show up somewhere and you get out of [TS]

  your plan you got a gun in the shoulder [TS]

  rolls because you don't know if a bear's [TS]

  gonna come out of the woods if the [TS]

  structure that kind of a holster it that [TS]

  sounds like that's a person who could be [TS]

  very reasonable reasonable and reason [TS]

  with that's a business person right now [TS]

  I mean vs like somebody you know who's [TS]

  got a big gun there felt as real show [TS]

  you about it [TS]

  that's right and shoulder holster me [TS]

  that's what that's how my dad was [TS]

  carrying that gun when he shot the 20 [TS]

  out of the sky he just he just open the [TS]

  window on this plane just shot out of [TS]

  the sky and so that's kind of a bush [TS]

  pilot move right you don't want a gun on [TS]

  your hip you want to be able to get it [TS]

  and still be controlling your everything [TS]

  can be coming up their seatbelt you go [TS]

  pills that's what you know about the go [TS]

  pills I know potential anyway anyway so [TS]

  I being a bush pilot and i'm not sure [TS]

  how much it still may be ways on me that [TS]

  I didn't become a push pop could happen [TS]

  that could still happen there was only [TS]

  just got you just gotta focus focus your [TS]

  assets in your resources you gotta say [TS]

  no to more things [TS]

  yes i know i can I got a good i gotta go [TS]

  to bush pilot class time but this is [TS]

  that this is the thing about so many of [TS]

  those job paths where the decision to be [TS]

  a bush pilot is somewhat predicated on [TS]

  you not realizing yet how many different [TS]

  ways there are to die at a young man's [TS]

  game right [TS]

  yeah once you get in it sure then you [TS]

  know then you by the time you get to be [TS]

  my age you've got your the near the old [TS]

  you the old guard but it's not a thing [TS]

  at your mid-forties to say like oh I'm [TS]

  gonna now I'm gonna go you know get the [TS]

  riskiest job you can have [TS]

  mhm with your property it seems to me [TS]

  you could become a freelance like a [TS]

  helicopter adventurer be pretty easy for [TS]

  you to have a small helicopter that like [TS]

  a little mini bell i'm gonna guess [TS]

  that's the thing that you can have that [TS]

  you can just have adventures he could he [TS]

  could be like you could be like a costly [TS]

  uber involving helicopters weekend [TS]

  admissions you could definitely carry a [TS]

  gun i think if you had a helicopter I [TS]

  like like a like CJ TJ favor for CJ and [TS]

  the bear [TS]

  they said that the guy on the magnum [TS]

  right yeah yeah CJ and the bear i see [TS]

  but I think you have to learn i think [TS]

  you can carry a gun additional girls for [TS]

  the view our helicopter adventurist but [TS]

  I think you have to learn to fly the [TS]

  helicopter the army I think that's just [TS]

  the only way that's the bats is where [TS]

  you learn to fly out [TS]

  I you know I understand where you're [TS]

  coming from but I think you're being [TS]

  awfully negative about all these things [TS]

  i think you just need to pick one you [TS]

  can be happy to be cowboy handsome in no [TS]

  time [TS]

  what about what about war zone reporter [TS]

  did you see that movie uh WTF started [TS]

  know the girl from from oh you know that [TS]

  that animal I think she should make as [TS]

  many movies i think she's really TV is [TS]

  for medium I like her so much on TV and [TS]

  movies don't do that much for me and [TS]

  this movie has a that problem that [TS]

  additional problem like is this the [TS]

  comedy and in there are some people [TS]

  getting blown up and killed in this [TS]

  movie and that's not fun me but there's [TS]

  also some lost some hot lols in there [TS]

  it's like I'm not sure how much I want [TS]

  my lols leavened with suicide bombing em [TS]

  but I didn't mind the film but it did it [TS]

  also like real it that fuse and I was [TS]

  like why didn't you go to the war zone [TS]

  become a war zone reporter you know in [TS]

  the same way that you can get away with [TS]

  a shoulder holster for being a bush [TS]

  pilot i thinkI you definitely people [TS]

  going to give you a pass on epaulettes [TS]

  when you're open war zone reporter right [TS]

  or a jacket that has a belt check [TS]

  haha jacket with the belt with some [TS]

  pockets in it but like you think you [TS]

  take a Christian Amanpour i mean that's [TS]

  that's a strong look you get you get a [TS]

  belted jacket with epilepsy with you [TS]

  look terrific in that [TS]

  I think that there's a kind of [TS]

  sunglasses that you can only wear if [TS]

  you're a war reporter and I often wear [TS]

  so the sunglasses i'm wearing right now [TS]

  because I often wear sunglasses to [TS]

  record our podcast you remove your eyes [TS]

  right you put on the back your neck or [TS]

  anything like that who know people in [TS]

  our neighborhood own sunglasses but they [TS]

  don't actually ever have them over their [TS]

  eyes they're either on their forehead on [TS]

  around the front of their neck on a [TS]

  croaky or on the back of their necks [TS]

  like they have vision problems with the [TS]

  back of the neck [TS]

  I feel like if you have the if you have [TS]

  the glasses on the back of your neck you [TS]

  had better be a bass fisherman em or [TS]

  selling rv's right now I like Todd [TS]

  selling rv's right now I like Todd [TS]

  Todd that's not a look that I think is [TS]

  good at all the sunglasses on the back [TS]

  of the neck that's a that's a dishrag [TS]

  for me [TS]

  yeah that's like but up but no I wear [TS]

  them on my eyes but I I now that I'm [TS]

  realizing it like I'm wearing a pair of [TS]

  rayban aviators and they actually are [TS]

  bush pilot glasses / war reporter [TS]

  glasses okay well people say don't dress [TS]

  for the job that you have dress for the [TS]

  job that you want it seems to me you're [TS]

  already wearing the sunglasses of the [TS]

  man with a different career [TS]

  yeah i'm wondering if that I'm wondering [TS]

  if it's not aspirational if i put if I [TS]

  don't put these sunglasses on and think [TS]

  maybe I'm gonna get swept up on some [TS]

  kind of situation where I'm landing in a [TS]

  I'm learning to have one beaver [TS]

  somewhere under fire [TS]

  yeah right i combine the two combined [TS]

  the two bush pilot / war reporter god so [TS]

  much better than my current job among [TS]

  the wikipedia page for people who are [TS]

  born in 1936 I and it's but there's a [TS]

  lot of cowboy handsome on this page [TS]

  yeah the Pope Francis you got David [TS]

  Carradine he's very cowboy hats right [TS]

  yet Robert Redford Super K defines [TS]

  cowboy hands kris kristofferson [TS]

  everybody was born in 36 room hmm [TS]

  Bruce Dern dennis hopper come on the [TS]

  question yeah lets you know that you [TS]

  have is a little bit of right to get [TS]

  Sepp Blatter that soccer guy you got to [TS]

  fw de klerk from South Africa get Ursula [TS]

  Andress you've got Roy Orbison love [TS]

  wearing glasses but her slanderous uh [TS]

  also very couple handsome but don't you [TS]

  think of roy orbison as being a lot [TS]

  older than say Robert Redford or John [TS]

  McCain or silvio berlusconi or jim [TS]

  henson yes [TS]

  Berlusconi 1936 the great actor Brian [TS]

  Blessid Vaclav Havel Vaclav Havel sake [TS]

  la ville you know Berlusconi fools you [TS]

  because his hair is so black still uh [TS]

  huh and it seems implausible when you [TS]

  think about it that he's almost 80 [TS]

  his old lady's hair would be sooo black [TS]

  ya think if i had to eyeball I know so [TS]

  parentals easy cowboy handsome he was so [TS]

  cowboy handsome i really and you know [TS]

  he's got a big area [TS]

  he's got a big mustache area has a big [TS]

  area I is I really really want to know [TS]

  what Burt Reynolds looks like without [TS]

  his rub me just doesn't do I bet he [TS]

  could look really good [TS]

  yeah if you just if you just capitulate [TS]

  to what your head is shaped like and [TS]

  what your hair area should be and how [TS]

  you how you accommodate that you use [TS]

  there's a lot you can do today there's [TS]

  so much that's acceptable the art of the [TS]

  times have changed [TS]

  well it's like it's like you know God [TS]

  gives you the beard you deserve heels [TS]

  yet you the hair you deserve right if [TS]

  you have trouble is a lot of men [TS]

  actually do believe that that he gives [TS]

  you the hair that you deserve huh [TS]

  and so they feel like it's like the [TS]

  world sees the military have some kind [TS]

  of a medieval affliction like their sins [TS]

  are born upon their paint what about the [TS]

  guy who's in the news on the TV show [TS]

  capital hijinks death of the president [TS]

  oh sure that you got that's a yeah my [TS]

  wife does have a crush on him Kevin [TS]

  Spacey known not kevin spacey the the [TS]

  guy that plays the young congressman in [TS]

  that show [TS]

  oh that guy the guy who wants no [TS]

  spoilers but that guy [TS]

  yeah yeah that guy he's great and what [TS]

  else has he been always the bad guy and [TS]

  ant-man and he was in girls [TS]

  he appeared in girls and 10 i like that [TS]

  actor I like him a lot he's he's like an [TS]

  old-school like bad guy he's good [TS]

  yeah and he's proudly bald he's bald [TS]

  he's like he's like Gordon he's a [TS]

  good-looking guy with no hair see [TS]

  Corey's another one please I mean he [TS]

  looks he or she looks good [TS]

  yeah he looks at you like a look at [TS]

  pictures of people when they're still [TS]

  trying to let go with the like I still [TS]

  have hair thing and like oh my god you [TS]

  look so much better now [TS]

  no have you ever thought about just [TS]

  taking a razor to your head and giving [TS]

  yourself a male pattern baldness and [TS]

  seeing how it is [TS]

  yeah for a long time i used to think [TS]

  you'll be kind of a fun thing if you [TS]

  could get a hundred and fifty people and [TS]

  Brooklyn to do that and make it like a [TS]

  hip thing like it back started doing it [TS]

  it would kind of be fun if you can [TS]

  convince people that the faking male [TS]

  pattern baldness was the thing I always [TS]

  thought that'd be kind of a fun thing or [TS]

  two do like to do like a monk like a [TS]

  tonsure I like a torture i don't see [TS]

  that pattern of male pattern baldness I [TS]

  feel like you see more receiving [TS]

  happened when I was a kid all men over [TS]

  the age of 35 [TS]

  looks like my grandfather actually only [TS]

  had amongst the amongst tonsure shorter [TS]

  in front sure but they always had the [TS]

  big part in the back you don't think you [TS]

  see that anymore is that technology John [TS]

  how do men not have the the spot on the [TS]

  back of their head anymore [TS]

  well now everybody did your dad have [TS]

  that your dad a pretty good here right [TS]

  no my dad's hair went away on the top [TS]

  okay um I think what it is is that in [TS]

  the intervening 20 years now men with [TS]

  that are bald can shave their heads and [TS]

  they look amazing [TS]

  yep but when we were kids that it wasn't [TS]

  an option shave your head and so you [TS]

  just had to go out there and it wasn't [TS]

  even an option really to cut it short [TS]

  unless you were in the Army remembered [TS]

  remember the the actor from from Simon [TS]

  and Simon who was in the movie about [TS]

  being a bad dad to his kids mega the [TS]

  seventies wasn't Robert Duvall negative [TS]

  American Beauty know the this is from [TS]

  the seventies where he was a military [TS]

  dad and he was abusive to his kids [TS]

  it was called like [TS]

  american dad is Iron Eagle dad pray that [TS]

  it was yeah it was what was that actor's [TS]

  name it's a George McClellan and oh you [TS]

  think it's terrible rainy Gerald McRaney [TS]

  from from major dad [TS]

  yea general maybe thinking major dad mr. [TS]

  mcrainey was in Simon assignment and I [TS]

  think he was also the titular major dad [TS]

  no I you know what I'm thinking of [TS]

  robert duvall oh you're thinking the [TS]

  great santini the great Sam teammates [TS]

  and seen you right so the x times not a [TS]

  wartime constantly airy the grid the [TS]

  Great Santini love this moment upon the [TS]

  morning [TS]

  that's right and remarks you two cards [TS]

  on the bodies like the surf though you [TS]

  only through cards on the bodies in in [TS]

  red gia he did not throw cards on the [TS]

  bodies in the in the original film i [TS]

  literally in red you it wasn't only in [TS]

  rydia like that's not the one I really [TS]

  think of that's so interesting [TS]

  yeah I can't imagine I can't believe [TS]

  that you think that Ridge year is the [TS]

  canonical oh you mean like easier [TS]

  Stanley about the the French colony the [TS]

  French colony doesn't belong i don't [TS]

  think that all the extended scenes with [TS]

  the with the bunnies belong now I know [TS]

  ya know I I'm married to that I think if [TS]

  i were to go back inside and diagnosis I [TS]

  think Robert Altman in Apocalypse Now [TS]

  had a pretty bad case of ADHD if you go [TS]

  back and watch that today I'm saying as [TS]

  a sufferer I go back and I watched that [TS]

  movie and all I see is a guy who has [TS]

  trouble focusing [TS]

  uh Altman you're saying the director [TS]

  wants a ramen apocalypse now I'll Robert [TS]

  yeah the guy did Nashville yeah right [TS]

  here's what our team he played he played [TS]

  the the general you playing the general [TS]

  in Apocalypse Now huh [TS]

  so if you look at Robert Duvall property [TS]

  formerly Great Santini yeah in 1979 he [TS]

  was a balding guy that had his hair cut [TS]

  real short and and that was the one look [TS]

  you could have [TS]

  oh yeah look at that they call it a high [TS]

  and tight we can't I you know what he [TS]

  looks so different look out look how he [TS]

  looks all those by Pat Conroy look at [TS]

  that [TS]

  okay yeah great santini yeah yeah yeah [TS]

  but otherwise you had to you have to [TS]

  just wear your hair anyway right here [TS]

  however it came out it just had to float [TS]

  and had to float around everybody in the [TS]

  seventies it was weird because youyou [TS]

  kind of even like dad grew his hair out [TS]

  a little bit like everybody had to get [TS]

  longer hair and sharper collars but like [TS]

  so many men and even rock bands go back [TS]

  and look at like the zombies like half [TS]

  of the zombies are obviously totally [TS]

  going bald even like 1968 but you look [TS]

  at all these guys are always had the [TS]

  city here everybody look like look like [TS]

  Fredo and dog day afternoon [TS]

  you got long hair but then you got this [TS]

  whole thing we're sweeping over he [TS]

  almost looks like he's a member of the [TS]

  monks the the house on the rock [TS]

  yeah yeah and never understood how you [TS]

  could have that how that movie could be [TS]

  called was a cold wait until spring [TS]

  Santini which one is that is that Robert [TS]

  Altman think that was the one that came [TS]

  later alright see you next Tuesday see [TS]

  you next i literally I literally got [TS]

  that joke last year I've been seeing [TS]

  john landis movies for years the [TS]

  constantly reference a fictional film [TS]

  called see you next Tuesday and I [TS]

  finally only got the job i only got that [TS]

  joke like last year that you know that [TS]

  kind of long con or shaggy dog story [TS]

  yeah that makes me that type of stuff [TS]

  makes me really happy wouldn't you like [TS]

  to be somebody that had been running [TS]

  some sort of long gag [TS]

  oh yeah four years right ascensions [TS]

  hiding in plain sight the whole time [TS]

  that's right something I've always [TS]

  wished that I had had the foresight to [TS]

  lay something in wait decades ago that [TS]

  was still laying in wait for some you [TS]

  know some some Manchurian Candidate [TS]

  style gag right that comes out that [TS]

  something i don't know what it would be [TS]

  a so I mean like crazy example would be [TS]

  like a like a medieval monk doing a [TS]

  cross stick where nobody would think to [TS]

  look for a cross stick in a medieval [TS]

  texts and then later on you go oh you [TS]

  know it actually says you know go [TS]

  chicago bears or what yeah [TS]

  right it's the plot of some tom hanks [TS]

  movie where he's in a pyramid sure and [TS]

  he's got he's Nicolas Cage has to get [TS]

  the Declaration of Independence signed [TS]

  he finds the blue glasses and then he [TS]

  looks up against anything able to solve [TS]

  the rubik's cube butt but like so years [TS]

  and years ago when I was still in high [TS]

  school it was still possible to get a [TS]

  fake ID by the following process are two [TS]

  processes that I understand as i [TS]

  understood them and maybe I learned this [TS]

  in the anarchist cookbook and maybe this [TS]

  was just conventional wisdom on the [TS]

  streets [TS]

  one of them was you would go to a [TS]

  graveyard and find a gravestone of a [TS]

  child that had died in the year you want [TS]

  to do fake ya never know a kid that was [TS]

  born in the year you wanted to be born [TS]

  in but then died at two years old [TS]

  mhm and then you would go to the public [TS]

  records and get their birth certificate [TS]

  you're kidding me that had no reference [TS]

  of their death and then get an adult ID [TS]

  based on their birth certificate and [TS]

  from that you could then get a Social [TS]

  Security number and actually build an [TS]

  entire actual identity people would do [TS]

  this in order to buy beer [TS]

  well initially right you buy beer but [TS]

  then if you have successfully done this [TS]

  in a mortgage it can be a second ID [TS]

  right i mean you have this have a [TS]

  passport you assume this identity that [TS]

  is attractive I got to be honest with [TS]

  you and you could do it you can do it [TS]

  even mean you could do it even that 40 [TS]

  years old all you have to do is go find [TS]

  somebody that was born the year you were [TS]

  born and then died at a very young age [TS]

  and you can just assume their identity [TS]

  and disappear this was a this was [TS]

  supposedly a method and it seemed just [TS]

  too complicated and risky to do just in [TS]

  order to buy beer but the but the [TS]

  setting that is a boil the ocean beer [TS]

  buying model right but it seems it [TS]

  seemed even at the time like do this now [TS]

  and spend these many years building that [TS]

  identity and then when you need it you [TS]

  never use it right it's there but you do [TS]

  all the stuff right you get a bank [TS]

  account [TS]

  you know social security number and [TS]

  passport you make payments you get a [TS]

  credit card you you maintain that but [TS]

  you never utilize it but it's there when [TS]

  you need [TS]

  it's like your own private sleeper cell [TS]

  it's just it's your little it's just a [TS]

  doorway to another world that you could [TS]

  add you could decide on any day to just [TS]

  call and the only risk of it there's no [TS]

  really no risk of it because the parents [TS]

  of this kid aren't you know it's not [TS]

  it's not like a birth certificate has a [TS]

  unless your review is remember all of [TS]

  that right [TS]

  the other way to do it this this again [TS]

  suppose it was there were many instances [TS]

  where a birth certificate wasn't [TS]

  available the court house had burned [TS]

  down something something something and [TS]

  you could get a baptismal certificate [TS]

  who from it from a from a priest where [TS]

  you were baptized and the your date of [TS]

  birth was on the baptismal certificate [TS]

  and in certain jurisdictions that was [TS]

  considered as good as a birth [TS]

  certificate because who do you trust [TS]

  interesting that that more than the [TS]

  church and so in high school I actually [TS]

  got ahold of a baptismal certificate and [TS]

  I went to great lengths to forge it [TS]

  where I wrote the information in what I [TS]

  at the time thought was old-timey [TS]

  writing sixties write it i think i might [TS]

  even spilled some coffee on it and maybe [TS]

  touch the edges of the day with the [TS]

  light with a little the match just kind [TS]

  of you know you look you're making [TS]

  pirate the pirate map that's exactly [TS]

  right and i have this thing which I felt [TS]

  pretty confident about it looked pretty [TS]

  good and I kept in the bottom of my sock [TS]

  drawer and it was like this this loaded [TS]

  pistol of possibility [TS]

  this is your this is your Jason Bourne [TS]

  box yeah and-and-and I was 16 I had this [TS]

  thing I had no independent confirmation [TS]

  that this would work [TS]

  but i was i was building up the the the [TS]

  cojones the hood spa to walk him to the [TS]

  DMV lay this thing down and say my first [TS]

  degree was lost in a fire and this is [TS]

  all I have and see like roll the dice [TS]

  yeah I and I figured it was a pretty big [TS]

  roll of the dice because if it if this [TS]

  is if this wasn't gonna work there was [TS]

  fifty percent chance that the person [TS]

  would just say now we don't accept that [TS]

  as an ID and chase you out there is also [TS]

  a fifty percent chance that they would [TS]

  say why don't you come over here and sit [TS]

  in this room for a minute honey yeah let [TS]

  me go on calling my manager mr. white [TS]

  yeah and then all of a sudden you know [TS]

  there are three detectives there so I'm [TS]

  what's all this thing [TS]

  yeah so I never did it I never did it [TS]

  and and then pretty soon after that it [TS]

  no longer was an option right there it [TS]

  became like now I don't think you would [TS]

  be able to go in with a birth [TS]

  certificate and establish an identity [TS]

  that had never existed before then all [TS]

  of a sudden a 40-year old person gets [TS]

  his first social security number right [TS]

  that's you can't just you can't invent [TS]

  also i mean there's all kinds of things [TS]

  like obviously there's all you know what [TS]

  computer systems and cross-matching to [TS]

  how that works that that's one thing but [TS]

  also I think they probably used to be [TS]

  more fires and floods i think there are [TS]

  times when like there's a whole bunch of [TS]

  documents that went back to the 1700 and [TS]

  they got lost because there's a fire or [TS]

  flood a firefly there's a fire flood was [TS]

  not unusual Plus also more kids died [TS]

  there's all kinds of things that will [TS]

  create an environment where you could [TS]

  buy beer without with a scheme like this [TS]

  yeah well well and also like not just [TS]

  buy beer but like you get a mortgage [TS]

  think about all of the cars that i [TS]

  bought and then broke down and I left [TS]

  parked on the side of the road yeah yeah [TS]

  places to go and never saw them again [TS]

  right and in every case the reason that [TS]

  i was able to do that is I never [TS]

  switched the registration over to my [TS]

  name which is why when you sell a car to [TS]

  somebody immediately go and [TS]

  just stir that you have sold it to think [TS]

  you're doing a talking schools uh well I [TS]

  is this all the time [TS]

  listen this is a thing that everybody [TS]

  should know because multiple times i [TS]

  bought a car for five hundred dollars [TS]

  for somebody and I drove it until it [TS]

  broke down and I parked in a parking [TS]

  meter on Saturday night and they get a [TS]

  call out a week later and here they get [TS]

  a call and they're like you know your [TS]

  car was towed us seven hundred fifty [TS]

  dollars rodri like what I sold that [TS]

  thing to Sinai but if you you know if [TS]

  you had a fake ID where you can actually [TS]

  like register you can it could be your [TS]

  like parking ticket ID or your yeah [TS]

  you're like you're well if you're well [TS]

  sure ID not to not to snow nothing [TS]

  against the Welsh now that's that's such [TS]

  a good idea to it i miss my chance and [TS]

  that's the kind of like so the seeds [TS]

  when you're young of a gag of a bit of a [TS]

  about of a like a hidey-hole mhm where [TS]

  you know where uh where one day Amelie [TS]

  is going to drop some marble and it's [TS]

  going to knock a piece of tile out of [TS]

  the bathroom wall and there's your [TS]

  little box full of toys you know what [TS]

  I'm saying I i think i do but now it's [TS]

  too late for us [TS]

  you can't be a bush pilot it's gonna be [TS]

  it's gonna be hard to be cowboy handsome [TS]

  and almost probably never going to [TS]

  discover our box at this point i might I [TS]

  still hold out hope that normally will [TS]

  discover my box but I am I haven't I [TS]

  also feel like maybe I am becoming Kabul [TS]

  handsome huh [TS]

  there was a when I was in high school [TS]

  there was a guy that had dimples right [TS]

  magnum p.i scale dimples because magnum [TS]

  didn't just have a big mustache area he [TS]

  had a whole lot going on [TS]

  killer dimples and I had a buddy who had [TS]

  these dimples and the and it was [TS]

  incredible to watch the dimples cast [TS]

  spells on people [TS]

  it was there was nothing else I mean it [TS]

  wasn't like well he had really good hair [TS]

  too but that was the dimples that we're [TS]

  doing the work and I didn't have dimples [TS]

  because my face was just made out of [TS]

  putty writer it was made out of what was [TS]

  it made of raw chicken you are you are [TS]

  basically a canvas for a beard just [TS]

  waiting for a beer to come along [TS]

  weird campus i was a I was added I had a [TS]

  beard Shape face that was made out of [TS]

  raw chicken and and certain parts of my [TS]

  complexion were on cook scallop roll [TS]

  checking on cook sea scallop over there [TS]

  but now I'm starting to develop dimples [TS]

  I'm not sure whether they're fencing [TS]

  scars or whether he should probably get [TS]

  that look you know whether it's cancer [TS]

  whether I'm just falling apart and one [TS]

  side effects as Devils and you have the [TS]

  cutest cancer you have the you know the [TS]

  count is your scallops got face cancer [TS]

  but now you're so much cuter [TS]

  it's causing the inside of your cheek to [TS]

  adhere to your jaw but it was cute so I [TS]

  feel like there's a little bit of [TS]

  scarring and weathering that's happening [TS]

  to me that almost looks like cowboy got [TS]

  my answer [TS]

  I think might it might still be doubly [TS]

  cute amateur cowboy cutest is what I [TS]

  want cowboy cute cowboy cute [TS]

  sounds like somebody who dies near the [TS]

  end of the second act yeah that's James [TS]

  Dean James Davis cowboy q no Cheryl [TS]

  access a mini el sal mineo who cowboy do [TS]

  i always think of so many always be one [TS]

  of the guys standing behind a the guy [TS]

  that was the dad of the girl that won [TS]

  the oscar in the Woody Allen movie [TS]

  sorvino paul sorvino hall sorvino right [TS]

  and his daughter [TS]

  mira sorvino mira sorvino he's very [TS]

  protective of her yeah she won an oscar [TS]

  in the Woody Allen movie [TS]

  uh-huh right playing the that was back [TS]

  in the area where if you were an actress [TS]

  and wanted to win an Oscar and were [TS]

  young you had to play a prostitute [TS]

  especially in Woody Allen movie yeah [TS]

  right [TS]

  but Paul Sorvino was always in the [TS]

  foreground of the scene where I always [TS]

  imagined sound Mineo was one of the guys [TS]

  in the background [TS]

  ok Sal Mineo was a different kind of [TS]

  actor right oh yeah yeah some or [TS]

  something he was well I think I think he [TS]

  had I i get problems I think he's like [TS]

  he's like ourselves from our gang I [TS]

  think he ran into problems [TS]

  he's very cute he you know what he looks [TS]

  like the guy he looks like that guy in [TS]

  the band who had a very conspicuous [TS]

  British drug problem and he dated Kate [TS]

  Moss la Bamba [TS]

  oh no Mama couple of all Obama know that [TS]

  the guy that was in the band where he [TS]

  and his bandmate had matching tattoos of [TS]

  the band name right and there's that [TS]

  cover of that record album where they're [TS]

  both showing their tattoos of their own [TS]

  band see there Nelson or oasis [TS]

  it's the type of thing that always this [TS]

  is a good guess it's the type of thing [TS]

  that you could only get away with your [TS]

  British rock musician now you have [TS]

  matching tattoos [TS]

  I mean maybe if your guns and roses you [TS]

  can have guns and roses tattoo you might [TS]

  not even remember you got it right you [TS]

  might have forgotten maybe that's your [TS]

  omnibox you wake up one day you realize [TS]

  you're definitely taken your ear you're [TS]

  investing in things you remember you got [TS]

  a tattoo [TS]

  well I definitely saw a I definitely saw [TS]

  stuff in a couple of situations where i [TS]

  could have given him a chance [TS]

  [Music] [TS]