Roderick on the Line

Ep. 190: "Omertà of the Sea"

 

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  [Music]

  hello hi John hi Merlin how's it going

  great

  good all right stay up super duper how

  about you

  great let's wrap it up alright how many

  times when I'm talking about

  do-do-do-do-do thanks for tuning in

  again yeah thanks for coming to our

  normally complain about stuff like that

  we are super good right now we've got

  you know what wouldn't be finding that

  would be funny if we just had a week

  where everything was okay

  yeah how we imagine that any measure you

  know what nothing intolerable nothing I

  know it's I've got worse and worse

  months everybody was driving fine

  yep anything about Hitler one on the

  weigh-in today I passed you know there's

  a small traffic jam but not one that I

  was upset about because the the source

  of it was that a cop it pulled over a

  lime green lamborghini diablo oh that's

  okay

  and everybody else looks slow down to

  see it and I was like yeah of course of

  course

  oh my god said that person who whoever

  paid for that car probably got to choose

  from many many colors

  well yeah many many colors mean that

  they'll say let's see I mean you had one

  black and yellow red white

  ok but let's assume even you get three

  colors oh and you pick lime-green that's

  just you know that way you talk about a

  fuck you to everybody

  mhm did you notice i'm driving a

  Lamborghini Diablo did you notice man

  oh then that's a nice car to get pulled

  over and it's very luxurious well you

  know I can't imagine that you would ever

  get out of first gear in it in town and

  if you were the type of person that

  would drive one around town like that's

  the thing about a car like that right

  you know driving around town you drive

  it you get out of town you take it out

  on this number to say but the call was

  that with the road you going in Germany

  the steinberger said the rash tag the

  mainspring some wrangle the right gold

  there goes the recycle the original

  the ring shot at the nürburgring in

  nürburgring nürnberg yeah I have a

  couple friends who've driven on the nerd

  bird nürburgring our friend Marco Marco

  has driven on the Nurburgring in his m7

  tourism niners m12 yeah it's pretty nice

  guy i'm giving you believe it's a pretty

  nice car you never been in it

  no I I mean I don't even know that we

  need to address or something like that

  uh-huh I think they probably probably

  she wear something like inside-out

  sweatpants something that wouldn't want

  more of the seats i'm guessing

  inside-out sweatpants maybe a little

  sheep skin like ask chap that strips

  yeah you know everybody says oh assless

  chaps and then all the put the pendants

  early Ferb but what about it just a

  straight-up just that just the missing

  part of said it just lets it down at all

  like yeah like a little just little ass

  ass infront felt like maybe you don't

  want though the weight and performance

  characteristics of full-on chaps maybe

  you just want the part where you're

  asking normally stick out maybe you're

  modest you want to go to a parade and

  ride on the float but you don't want

  your butt cheeks out there

  yeah chaps are meant if you're on a

  horse who and your horse brushes up

  against another horse or a cow or a

  fence a with your horses want to do

  right horse is trying to knock you off

  as best they can John they're doing the

  best they can and if they see a

  low-hanging branch or a cow

  they're going to get up on it and hope

  that they can knock you off and that's

  why you have chaps on right to keep your

  pant legs from getting a braided or

  something I don't know why you wear

  chaps frankly I but there's lots of

  reasons I mean sorta like you're

  describing it's like so like why you

  would wear gloves there's all kinds of

  things you're gonna encounter that could

  take a chunk out of you brush let's say

  brush probably a lot of brushes by very

  coarse point yet parts pointy brush but

  what is the equivalent if you're riding

  around in marco arment m5 it you don't

  need to protect you

  you need to protect the car

  uh-huh and so you have some sheepskin

  reverse chaps which I guess we're just

  going to call ass chaps right over or

  like

  he's a loincloth chaps yeah yeah I think

  they'll be a skirt

  well except you don't want it on the

  side you want to be cool and breezy on

  the side you're not touching the car on

  the side just wanted you wanted in the

  back you wanted in the back to took to

  give a nice buff to the leather seats

  and not too much it's not too much to

  ask

  I don't know why you wanted in the front

  just for us a comfortable place to

  arrest your hands

  yeah I don't you want to look at

  somebody's while you're driving around

  in your BMW exactly exactly right so

  it's more of a it's like a ass

  it's a it's a it's a it's like a

  polishing rag on the bottom i get a

  modesty skirt on the front like Elega i

  knw burka

  yeah okay great name for a BMW by the

  way the burqa yeah we tried the new be

  taken out on this time Steinberg

  instruction so you're gonna get letters

  yeah i sure am I sure I wasn't gonna ask

  you about yes you get the Germans get

  Marc Armand over here i'll copy up ya

  know soon as soon as you've been

  traveling yeah I've done a lot of

  traveling I'm not done yet because as

  you know the life of an artist is the

  life of an eternal vacation basically

  I've just been on a I've just been on

  two major warm-weather vacations and now

  I'm going on a on a lengthy ski trip

  it's it i can't defend it

  really yeah i don't i don't produce

  anything worthwhile for the world right

  I'm yui marking don't feel like you need

  to defend that John I'm like a game

  designer except they don't even design

  games

  yeah it's true he has much value though

  right i mean you know what we write his

  paper hat my daughters like that a

  favorite video game right now is a game

  where you stare at this same area of a

  backyard of a house and try to make cats

  come into the yard

  I'm doing what you would never do in

  real life right and so the answer your

  way for cats to come and then you try to

  track the cats and then that gives you

  the opportunity i don't exactly

  understand claim to understand the game

  i know it is primarily about collecting

  cats you get like pictures of them and

  stuff but then also when you I think

  your reward for attracting cats it is

  you're given the opportunity to buy buy

  goods virtual goods inside the game that

  enables you to attract more cats

  oh sure sure she loves it uh-uh I'm

  wondering now that you say this I've

  always been very curious about

  birdwatchers

  oh yeah because they're out here i think

  it was a cover up front for something

  else

  well yeah me too but but the more I look

  into it the more it seems that they are

  just out for watching Birds gathering

  gather it was what they're gathering

  having watched a bird collecting the

  experience of having seen a bird

  yeah and different birds so they're like

  did you ever have you ever seen a

  spotted throated warboss yeah sure

  though the third row warthog yeah the

  war or wearing warbling bore blah grow

  long and the other person goes yes and

  then they both have collected having

  seen it over and that's very interesting

  to me and they're not in the

  birdwatchers of the bird photographers

  are different people too so they're not

  even watch they're not even collecting

  having taken a picture of a thing I've

  never had an opportunity to talk about

  this and i haven't actually thought

  about it that much but as you get older

  you start to realize that there are what

  you from isms for example use their

  existential euphemisms for example like

  it let's say you look for opportunities

  like for my wife i think i think going

  to the gym or going to yoga is very much

  about going to the gym and going to yoga

  that's always a part of it but but it's

  also that she's not with us like she

  gets an hour to herself or two hours or

  you're saying yeah I'm just like dad

  saying all we're out of milk

  I'm happy to go to the store and get

  some milk uh-huh because you get a

  second to yourself and maybe you can

  smoke a cigarette

  yeah like my grandfather said I'm going

  out for a packet

  and he didn't come back for 15 years

  yeah or like that it's all it's a lot

  like that and so I don't know why but as

  I got older I started to think it's not

  that I can't imagine why someone would

  super watching it just it seems a little

  obscure it's one of those things like

  gorilla costumes are quicksand in the

  seventies where it came up so often the

  even as weird as it was like is that

  much quicksand in the world wait a

  minute you are really nailing something

  here have you talked about this before

  I've mentioned another place I'm not the

  only person there is actually her

  podcast a few years ago about what

  happened quicksand is quicksand was

  everywhere it was it was terrified of

  quicksand it seemed like it looked

  around every corner there was certainly

  a period probably half a year wherever I

  would avoid sand because given the

  exposure in the media

  I had to assume that there was quicksand

  out there I just didn't know about and

  also people Gorillaz it's so well about

  that was not true i expected that though

  and-and-and birthday party clowns oh I

  still never met anybody who actually

  looks forward to meeting a cloud

  no but we were going to believe your

  soul to build good John we were led to

  believe that there was a clown culture

  out there that somebody like and I've

  never met anybody who wasn't a clown who

  actually like the clown see I don't mind

  clowns but I had a traumatic clown

  experience as a child of God but i'm

  wondering how quick stand fits into the

  Bermuda Triangle a Bigfoot Loch Ness

  monster sure that the in search of era

  yeah like what how did quick same factor

  into that that's so interesting it seems

  it seems contemporaneous what you're all

  so you're telling this like there was

  this period where there has to be a

  reason why this was and maybe it was

  like post hippie like free new-age

  America was very interested in all kinds

  of like what do concepts about remember

  there's that period even before in

  search of there was that time life set

  of books but there's all this too

  interesting aliens about the you know

  the ETA is coming to visit us

  sure secret Nazi weapons shore

  underground or underwater kingdoms you

  got to get the Sasquatch yep right at

  the Bigfoot Loch Ness monster it was

  everywhere I think this is part of the

  appeal now that we're talking about it

  of the original Indiana Jones movie

  oh remember we all went into that he's

  got a lot of those elements yeah and

  where

  we were asked as ten-year-old kids 12

  year old kids we were primed to think

  that there were little you know little

  secret Mayan temples full of gold idols

  and and secret Nazi weapons in Nazi

  weapons you've also got sort of like a

  like the whole like religious cult

  supernatural component parties into the

  Nazis yes it's all it's all baked into

  the Bermuda Triangle scene now and they

  had snakes in that I don't remember

  there being quicksand but also you know

  quicksand is also a fetish there are

  quicksand fetishists really there are

  people who think it's kinda it's a sexy

  thing for some people

  I get that I get that I grew up with

  enough for something on TV and you're

  gonna want to masturbate to it

  eventually

  quicksand figures prominently in the

  princess bride in the princess bride

  Oh what's the idea that the heels you

  got the oh that's right yeah you're

  right

  yeah I don't understand i'm still trying

  to parse it is this is coming up more

  and more you know i was just on a cruise

  yeah and I we were invited to visit the

  bridge which I had never had never been

  invited to the bridge before and they

  didn't look at the computer but not it

  that's not huh

  no they're sailors up there in various

  uniforms who and there's a captain in

  our case he was a ship captain from

  Winnipeg which right away that should

  ring some alarm bells is a landlocked

  area John yeah they're yeah

  winnipeg doesn't know where a lot of

  doesn't doesn't have this to see in his

  veins

  nothing normally when you need to see

  Captain he's either from the Netherlands

  or from the Netherlands all right there

  off from the netherlands in other words

  or from Greece the whole the boats all

  the boats it's like they don't boats

  have their own delaware isn't a delaware

  of boats you always register in it but

  me or what is it is one place where

  everybody registers to think it's the

  bell whereas Nassau yeah something like

  that and then you so you get your boat

  and you act like it's from the Delaware

  of boats and then you hire some some

  tall blond guy to run your book because

  he's always a

  another lender yeah yeah the the

  Nederlanders grow up basically knee-deep

  in water and that's how they become ship

  captains because it's the only way they

  can on the water ya got the water get up

  onto a boat and your people dry out

  eventually

  the Greeks also there are a lot of

  islands there and they they're all

  Abbott sailors but this guy's Canadians

  oh ok i mean the kid obviously the

  Canadians have a lot of sailors but not

  from Winnipeg

  yeah but don't have any boats right one

  category well this is no you got to get

  that area on the east coast where they

  got a boat almost like there's no boats

  but you don't have sufficient votes to

  sellers not enough but I mean is there

  like a large amount of Navy I in say

  like that like whether we get the

  saskatoon is a place in Canada but

  there's no Navy there you get the Navy

  in Toronto I you're not gonna have a lot

  of maybe although there's a there's a

  there's a lake you have a lake Navy and

  heroin you haven't yeah you'd have

  thought the old heroin maybe but you

  know candy and Canada's Navy is very

  important because Canada needs to

  protect its Arctic sea ways

  Oh like way up there old boy that's that

  that is a gig I would not want

  well yeah except see this is the thing

  about the measure for the quicksand is

  probably not a lot of quicksand when you

  got that no don't know what's up there

  because it has frozen over quicksand

  well but that's the ice recedes there

  might be there might be a a lien a

  civilization that mean that's where

  you're going to find it

  Bermuda triangles yes a big foots quick

  ice quick guys

  quicksand Mayan temples it could all be

  up there so not a lot of territory

  there's a lot you know I think the

  coastline of canada is like the longest

  coastline in the world or something like

  that because it just is all crazy up

  there but as the chasm and abroad

  well also yeah no true Scotsman but the

  but all the nations of the world are now

  trying to scoot in and out of these

  canadian areas because the sea ice has

  receded and there's oil up there and so

  Canada's got a whole Navy that's all

  worried about that they're not worried

  about pot smuggling anymore because it's

  all coming from Canada

  anyway so this guy's for me a Winnipeg

  and here's the here's the rub are you

  ready ready here's why I got to go to

  the bridge because the captain who was

  65 years old is an enormous wil wheaton

  fan

  oh interesting and he hears will

  weakness on his boat and he's like got

  me well we bring him to the bridge

  yeah exactly everything that whistle

  noise well so of course will has the

  communicator sound oh my god wait a

  minute okay own I believe I'm putting

  this together now

  oh my god and he's akiza kills you he

  was on the star trac yeah in the in the

  eighties that's correct or not you're a

  tease

  yeah it was in college he was on the

  star track and and he was he played he

  played Beverly Crusher and he was the

  guy with the crab face right yeah

  exactly like cats

  he i thought was the one to me talking

  penguin and smoke a cigarette in a long

  sort of a pipe

  oh yeah right that's the that's a guy's

  Balfour that's the name of the bartender

  it was in another color purple

  well and he's the reason better but the

  Middle East is so unevenly defined well

  I didn't bring it up here but in any

  case this is so great we round out the

  guy from Star track is on his boat

  that's right and on the first thing he

  says when we walked onto the bridges he

  points to his captain's cheerios we had

  that modeled off of the enterprise and

  we all you know get courtesy chuckle

  he's super nice guy super nice captain

  he walks around as I say wills phone

  periodically he would get a text and it

  would make the communicator sound and

  the captain would like literally giggle

  what you mean this guy's like 280 pounds

  like sea captain all of his all of his

  staff

  I'm talking about like hundreds of

  sailors when he walks by they all cower

  I mean not because then I'm sure not

  because he's mean but because the it's

  the law of the sea right he's the

  captain

  that's a pretty big deal on a boat you

  don't step onto the bridge unless you've

  you know unless you like it's his boat

  it's his boat that's how that's how

  captioning works it's a pretty big deal

  i think yeah there was a there was a

  there's a button in in some of the

  public bathrooms it says you know in in

  better emergency push this button but

  don't push this button frivolously

  because it rings on the bridge but we

  will come rescue you and we will come

  rescue you

  hard as a former productivity expert

  have to tell you that is that is a

  category terrible idea

  well it's not like the captain's gonna

  come but it was just a moment just one

  song someone in the bathroom having a

  problem clean with an emergency but it's

  like it's their way of saying like if

  you're having an emergency it had better

  fucking be an emergency right we're

  gonna send sailors here but so many were

  walking around the bridge and and you

  know whenever people are there's not a

  very small group of us and people are

  asking and polite questions like what is

  this knob do and what's the you know

  what are what's this knob do like

  nobody's got nobody knows what to say to

  a sea captain and so so I said what's

  the weirdest thing you've ever seen come

  out of the sea and he says I saw sunfish

  which is an enormous fish are perfectly

  round fish that floats on the top of the

  floats on the surface of the sea and

  they're very rare nobody ever sees them

  wow I saw one and I didn't know what it

  was this is not a cryptozoological thing

  this is like that this has been

  legitimated by schools and stuff so he

  has seen one and it is this is guys

  spent 50 years on the sea or ever since

  I've seen a sunfish and I didn't know

  what it was a freak me out because its

  enormous right it's the size of a

  trampoline or something right and then

  he said I saw second one and I knew what

  it was by that point and I marveled at

  it was like okay weird creature of the

  deep and then I said I mean all these

  years staring out of the sea

  have you ever seen UFOs

  just just like that without any kind of

  like just I was just like all right sci

  fi star trek captain let's get down to

  the nitty-gritty you are standing on

  this bridge staring out at the open sea

  for years at a time

  let's hear UFO shit and at that moment

  all of his crew like all the junior

  officers were but they all stare at the

  shoes I was like oh the captain says

  I've seen lights over the Bahamas that

  behaved unlike a ship or plane

  mmm unexplained lights over the Bahamas

  you must when you're in like coming up

  in in whatever the Navy is in Canada you

  you must see all you must have so many

  hours you spend visually identifying

  what something is or what something

  could be you must get really good at

  that over its all you do I mean there

  were there were guys you would know you

  would know it would be like all day long

  you're inspecting hot dogs and selling

  there's a poodle there and you go I

  definitely know that this does not

  belong here

  yeah these guys are standing on this up

  with this like 200 degree view looking

  out onto a perfectly flat ocean and you

  can see to the horizon in every

  direction and that's all they do they

  just sit there and stare out and

  everyone smile they raise some

  binoculars to their eyes and they look

  out and see I don't know what flotsam

  jetsam huh

  and so when a sea captain tells me

  unexplained lights over the Bahamas and

  he says unlike a ship or a plane so that

  implies that they're kinda down in the

  ship area but they're not acting like a

  ship was like okay cat okay see Captain

  that's a good story and then I said

  what's the taller I said Jesse a rogue

  wave and he said I've talked two

  captains that have encountered rogue

  waves but I've never seen one so that

  was interesting that's in a way out of

  nowhere that's probably high massive

  wave out of nowhere just sitting on a

  calm sea and then all of a sudden whoa

  super wave and the last question he said

  was what's that what's the tallest see

  you ever saw and he said I was

  captaining a freighter I was Captain

  afraid or out of newfoundland i love the

  story already and he said I was south of

  Greenland

  during the perfect storm the outer most

  famous one for the movie the famous

  perfect storm and he said the bridge on

  that ship was 50 feet off the sea and he

  said I had to lean forward and look out

  look up out the window to see the crests

  of the waves my god I was like that's a

  good story sea captain I'm I'm really

  warming up to you i want to sit here on

  the bridge and ask you more questions

  but then they show up they shuffled this

  away

  shuffle shuffle the rest of us away but

  we'll wait and stayed behind to talk

  about the left

  I i stayed in the door to watch their

  exchange and the captain was like it was

  like to be in stand by me when he was

  just super fan i love that it was like

  and was like well you know it's been 30

  years since stand by me and they both

  marvel that bad

  well says he's gracious guy though I can

  be he handles the situation situation

  like that well she is amazing that such

  any such as a good fellow

  yeah so anyway that was very interesting

  but it can friend that you know what we

  were in the Bermuda Triangle while we

  were having this conversation that's not

  smart

  we were sailing through the Bermuda

  Triangle while I conjured up a alien

  stories from the sea captain and I swear

  all of his staff got really

  uncomfortable we start talking about

  UFOs what do you think that is I don't

  know maybe maybe the sea captain isn't

  supposed to be

  he's not he's not supposed to let there

  be anything that he doesn't control i

  can think of a lot of release a handful

  of reasons I mean what with other first

  reason if this is a movie was that it

  was something everybody saw and agreed

  with and it was a known thing that

  everybody lots of people had seen and

  you don't talk about cuz of America then

  the other one would be and we're pretty

  sure you didn't really see that and he

  keeps talking about a lot haha that's

  the kind of thing where somebody

  somebody somebody calls the Delaware

  boats to you know you know say yeah yeah

  yeah well I didn't get the sense that

  they were uncomfortable like here he

  goes again it was a night just like that

  huh but i do feel like they're there

  might be some America of the sea like

  first rule of

  be captaining is don't talk about see

  captaining where you're like yeah there

  are fucking aliens living under the

  ocean behind train hard to train if that

  were actually the rules of sea captain

  club haha no you just what you walk

  around behind another sea captain and he

  tells you nothing who you follow him for

  long enough so you get you get even

  realize that you guys that he was you

  the whole time

  ok because coming from inside the

  captain 00

  welcome back did you get to go to that

  weird island on haiti where the person

  got lost did you go to that we didn't go

  to Haiti this time it was a it was there

  was it was afraid little I i stayed off

  the st. Thomas because i had had a bad

  experience last time i went to st.

  Thomas not a there was nothing terrible

  about it i just had an enjoyable time

  uh-huh but I did go to st. Maarten which

  aisle which I like a lot and I had a

  very nice time in st. Maarten although

  my daughter barf

  wait a minute you brought your family oh

  absolutely haha the whole gang

  I I said part of your own merit of the

  seeds you never bring your family again

  well you know I i have my room which is

  provided for me by the choco cruise

  where I their death in steerage

  where is much more than they all have

  cabins right no kinds for normal people

  are normal you bring the entire

  complement of women in your life i did I

  got their break every woman i could

  think of all thrilled

  let's see there were 12 345 whoa five

  family ladies I didn't bring every woman

  i could think of that would be a hell of

  a weird cruise but I that spreads the

  stuff of nightmares look oh my god every

  single it says it's a bespoke cruise

  where every single person on there is a

  woman that you've wronged

  yeah right i mean i-i depending if there

  was a code of conduct that everybody had

  to agree to before we got on the boat

  maybe it could be fun cruise but if I

  but I get the feeling knowing the people

  that I've known they would all agree to

  the code of conduct with no intention of

  polling it absolutely not i would not

  sure and then we can you imagine the

  kind of breakout receptions that they're

  having it could be regional it could be

  a certain time

  I'm it could be a certain industry there

  there might just be people that you know

  work to pursue can they would have a

  meeting over here you know well I mean

  uh Lido deck on the leader or the ones

  that would bump into each other on the

  deck and go oh my god you look exactly

  like me what does that say oh my god

  he'd be like no no totally coincidence

  have the doc martin breakout room

  everybody free playing games in the

  basement when maybe look and they all

  have roadrunner tattoos

  what if he made you what

  oh god that we sell off so yeah that was

  fun and you know end of the family uh

  the family there were enough family

  members that they could entertain

  themselves and my daughter was old

  enough to go to the what she called be

  it was the preschool right they have a

  day of daycare preschool fun place for

  kids which which she mispronounced as

  the Aqua nuts who she was like I'm an

  Aquanaut take me to the Aqua nuts i was

  like aqua nuts that skeezy is exactly

  right and that's when our podcast turned

  into cute things the kids say about the

  soft-serve machine she ever discover

  that she knew all about it she knew

  about it long before we got on the boat

  was destination for us it was for me

  last year the up to get soft serve any

  time you feel like it but i only went

  there once this time I never want to

  johnny rockets a single time

  what I basically just sat on the sand on

  my balcony and calculated trajectories

  for 12-pound cannonballs for everything

  that we passed I was like can I hit that

  with the 12-pound cannonball could I hit

  that with a 12-pound cannonball I spent

  a lot of time doing that mhm uh but uh

  but yeah I was it was a you know next

  year I i want to turn this into an

  advertisement an unpaid advertisement i

  might add for the Joe Cruz but next year

  were where to buy out taking over an

  entire boat uh-huh and leaving from San

  Diego

  uh-huh and so it's gonna be bananas

  it's already bananas and so it's really

  it's actually a really good idea

  yeah it's it's gonna be it's gonna be

  totally crazy and we have discussed at

  length different stratagems to prohibit

  sea monkeys from turning it into a

  clothing-optional cruise because I know

  they're at least a hundred fifty of them

  that would take off all their clothes

  the moment they got on the boat we think

  so

  oh yeah well it's part of the you know

  it's part of the sex positivity of of

  the overarching doctrine of tourism

  which says hey you know like what's the

  matter why don't body shame me I want to

  be naked right now with this door she's

  my flip-flops the worst shoe of all and

  so I so I absolutely as soon as it was

  as soon as we even started talking two

  years ago about taking over whole boat I

  was like fucking nerd sex cruise

  watch out and so then we started all

  talking about it like what are we gonna

  do like is if this just turns into a

  total Pig pile right like a black guys

  sexperiment I'd be like how's that going

  to go over their kids on the boat I'm

  not sure that I want to go every night

  like there's a game room but what if

  there was one thing everybody was naked

  in the game taking 20-sided die up one

  another

  no I haven't done shower yeah i know but

  i think we've got I think we have we've

  covered that now we've discussed it sort

  of hope someone openly with everybody

  and said like it's family cruise you be

  making in your room but you always could

  have done that family cruise i bring my

  family as previously noted i'm not sure

  that makes it a family curse

  ah-ah-ah-choo call family family and

  that's a terrible word that gets used to

  mean too many different things by

  terrible people right

  I I you could bring kids on that I don't

  know if it's the best thing but you know

  and it's interesting because what that

  cruise seems to have become over the

  years is very much its own thing to wear

  it seems like an actual also credit

  folks who run it like you know

  especially with Paul goes through with

  the work that he does on that I mean I

  know he's not the only one there's a

  whole staff but I mean like my god it's

  just a huge amount of work to make

  everybody's happy as they can be made is

  staggering but it really

  seems like it's become something how do

  I put this in a nice way it's it's

  definitely still the Joker cruise right

  but it's kind of it's really about the

  folks who go on it now and Johnson

  doesn't really need to be there for it

  to be the Joe Cruz I've been saying for

  a few years now that the final the final

  iteration of this the final form he will

  who of the joco crews will be a where

  Jonathan has become a colonel sanders

  where he's he's just good he's gone into

  the illustration of himself

  I get it he's just a hologram he can't

  you know you can't wait but you could

  hire any a competent professional actor

  singer to have to be Jonathan could just

  be a guy comes around and seems pretty

  nervous you're not sure why yet do you

  remember in the late seventies early

  eighties when Ronald McDonald suddenly

  was a woman or look like a woman I've

  seen the hot japanese version a hot

  female japanese version of ronald

  mcdonald I don't remember is it like is

  it like mr. noodle where suddenly was

  christened channel with our I'm not sure

  I get that reference value and

  assessment street huh well of course I

  did Sesame Street was mr. noodle off the

  love of Christ this little late period

  inside its insight i mean with your

  child John inside of Elmo's World all

  segments where I think that was

  initially that nice guy from even shady

  past few years ago and then it was Bob

  Miller one I forget who came first

  builder when the wonderful talented you

  know actor and mine guy and then some

  point they brought in a minute miss

  noodle arm is noodle which is a

  Christian channel with the the wonderful

  actress and singer mr. noodle mr. noodle

  his problem he's having problems you

  never you never saw mr. noodle you are

  shooting can word confetti out of a

  cannon at me right now I have no idea

  what any of those words mean I'd

  recognize them as English birds really

  up from before my daughter was born I

  had one exposure to Elmo mhm and I was

  like no no no

  well he's pretty cute well but this is

  about that i'm basing all this on one

  exposure right little kids are really ok

  alright because i have memories a minute

  we were not a giant Elmo house

  okay you kids story you've seen on the

  show right

  I know what an elmo and he basically at

  the end he sings us and he sings a song

  about whatever the topic was and he

  always thinks it to the tune of jingle

  bells

  so you guys jacket jacket jacket jacket

  jacket jacket or like you know whatever

  she wants shoebox shoebox whatever is he

  sings this little song i do not find

  this cute i'm gonna keep are you know

  what nevermind you don't get out go

  ahead

  ok you know a before my dad's family has

  a little free penis

  no not that I've seen I haven't seen

  that episode that might be one of the

  Lost episodes

  never mind that you don't deserve this

  sweet story but because we've seen so

  many Elmo's and we always sing the

  jingle bells song with my daughter I saw

  something red she would point to it and

  say haha

  and that's how my daughter said read

  what she said haha tdawg models it was

  really cute

  also another key point to describe

  something as little she got a cute is

  that that it's cute we're big was ok

  what's big oh sure that any kids are

  awesome huh

  so mr. noodle 10 i have kept Elmo as I

  have kept Dora told me you always

  correct you chose correctly there my

  friend

  yeah well but at but Elmo to like I love

  elmo and Dora together into a category

  of thing that I never let pass the

  threshold and so I have no I have no

  idea what mr. noodle is oh I do not know

  the name of Nora's little monkey friend

  there Dora or whatever and though their

  little whiny voices and they're

  massively pedantic version of what a of

  like how to communicate with kids it's

  excruciating i do not have it in and now

  you know that I came downstairs this

  morning

  oh my God we're turning into a fucking

  dad podcast now our dad our dad jokes

  have been getting worse and worse at

  least mine have but now we're talking

  about our kids at that late but I came

  downstairs this morning and she was

  sitting at the table all by herself

  reading aloud from her dick and jane

  book all and I i bought the dick and

  jane book and said listen to it because

  there's all these like how to teach your

  kids to read app or whatever you know

  and I said I learned to read with Dick

  and

  name as my mother and father before me

  and she will learn to read from Dick and

  Jane that's nice can monitor dick dick

  sees spot spot runs go spot go o.o spot

  spot that's amazing you have read it you

  years and you still remember so much as

  a no go as well set up any a setup for

  the story because i heard this morning I

  came downstairs and she's sitting there

  all by herself at the table reading

  aloud from chicken chain and I was like

  there it is there it is all in a

  nutshell she'll be fine now she doesn't

  need anything else

  uh-huh she's been we've sent around the

  right path or even told what to read

  she's already erased from ready go now

  Dick and Jane is not a nice feeling

  though that's what I mean the whole

  reading thing is a nice feeling

  it's very nice but but so she recognizes

  what a dora is she knows what an elmo is

  too she has seen them

  she's seen them in the wild right you're

  walking through a you're walking through

  a target because a target boy daddy

  needs a spatula who and she goes what

  you don't get your spatula is a target

  you said from like that's not where you

  get spatulas no no I would love to talk

  about target we I love going to target I

  you call it charger no I don't call that

  are Jason's making any to I was that was

  funny for like an hour

  it's like your friends mom who always

  says thank you like stop doing that

  that's not funny anymore whose friends

  mom says thank you thank you

  what does that mean oh it's it's a lying

  or somebody says oh i don't know i don't

  really like Kim Kardashian that much and

  she goes

  thank you OIC a confirmative thank you

  right well I think we've talked about

  this before but that do you remember in

  the in the mid eighties when all of a

  sudden everybody was saying yeah it is

  oh yeah we discuss this i have I still

  have a lot of these tix I haven't gotten

  rid of and I don't want to delve into it

  too far because i still have a lot of

  terrible ticks that I'm not proud of you

  mhm mhm like the sniffing like always

  slipping not always sniffing you're

  always sniffing your coffee snapping

  you've done a hundred and ninety

  episodes of the show and you still don't

  clear your throat before you pick up the

  phone

  uh-huh what would that what would that

  even entail you don't you're talking

  about like before you pick up

  I don't know and honestly don't want to

  think about it too much I don't know

  what it would entail

  I love target i love and especially with

  the other day we got so much good stuff

  I can't tell you how much great stuff we

  got a target have you noticed that

  target that all the boy clothes and the

  girl closer lately sequestered from one

  another you do not want to fucking get

  me started on this the boy clothes all

  of cool cars and and rocket ships and

  skulls and crossbones and the girl

  closer just like oh no no we walk we

  walk right past there's no point and

  here's the other thing like I want to

  get actually I was gonna get my kid and

  we so my kid leaves things on the

  playground she forgets her jackets she

  forgot jacket jacket jacket you forget

  your jacket she forgets her water

  bottles were constantly retweet you know

  we're working on this right she's great

  otherwise but so I'm getting more like

  cheap jackets you know there are like

  strategy

  yeah i mean not cheap i mean but you

  know inexpensive because I figure you

  know i'm looking for an heirloom jacket

  and you can you walk into the girls

  section is like everything's pink la you

  longer it's all shit it's all you know

  they have cool belt they have cool belts

  that are fun if there's some cool

  underwear but then if you want anything

  decent you have to go to the boys area

  because they just assume that every girl

  is gonna dress like somebody falls down

  a well and wait to be rescued

  haha so goddamn annoying and it doesn't

  go to amazon i say okay I want to get

  her a new hoodie only together minecraft

  Cudi I want to get her a hoodie from the

  cat game i wanna get our machine hoodie

  I go and I do a search you don't you see

  under clothes you see men's clothes you

  see women's clothes and you see boys

  clothes unless you search for something

  really insipid and fucking pink and then

  you get TT he down here there's girls

  clouds got a ruffle and it's part of all

  people poop

  hehe my kids that dress i mean when she

  dresses like the other day like to go to

  target she wears like horizontal striped

  leggings with a foot if really

  ridiculously Felix loofah skirt and a

  captain america shirt and a headband

  with yours

  that's how my daughter dresses she rose

  whatever the fuck she feels like and

  it's unerringly hilarious but she rarely

  does is go I want to look like somebody

  from frozen

  it's just it's so i'm not against frozen

  it's just that I'm so tired of that

  anyway sorry Donald dad of a daughter's

  name that it you won't appreciate until

  you're there let alone let alone go to

  target to try to find a ray character

  but you cannot buy a whole big package

  Star Wars boys you can get three

  from fucking stormtroopers there's no

  ray well that that seems like that seem

  like a truly a cultural moment I was

  like oh we didn't want we didn't want to

  put rate characters out there cuz we

  don't want to spoil the surprise well

  the movie that the one the star of the

  movie is in the set now there's honestly

  a hilarious set of force awakens

  probably 12 inch size characters and

  it's got Finn it's got po it's got a

  console is on it's got a stormtrooper

  and it's got another storm trooper right

  oh yeah but there's no running there you

  know i have had an interesting insights

  to anonymous stormtroopers in delray

  leaving that aside which is which is

  incredible array is one of my favorite

  characters a contemporary cinema and I

  you know we're physically she perfectly

  embodies what that movie needed to be

  and it would not have been the same

  without her

  yep yeah she's the fan on the screen and

  it was perfect but i had had an

  interesting insight you know into the

  film you know III I hesitated to

  criticize the star wars movie at all

  because you know as much as I like it's

  like good reasons to not do that

  yeah as much as I like getting letters I

  i did not want to get any letters about

  this but i but I was this this was one

  of those things as i was walking I was

  walking along and all of a sudden like

  an acorn fell on my head and I said wait

  a minute why didn't they do it that way

  you know that feeling

  who when you're like we have sure why

  didn't they do it that way i feel that

  way about lots of things what was in

  this case in this case the hand solo son

  yeah right yeah not a fan whose name is

  a paco rabanne or whatever Allah Alonso

  it's funnier if I don't laugh but that's

  the perfect alonzo morningstar which is

  your name his name is a rilo kiley yeah

  friedrich von solution straße it um his

  first appearance in the film is in his

  guys right is his guys it's terrible

  error terrible Darth warmth or yes or be

  worse mark or whatever and you see him

  and he appears and you're like okay

  is the new bad guy who and then as the

  as the film progresses you see that he

  is not really in his full he's not fully

  in his in his he's not and he's not as

  full pokeyman yet

  yeah right like when when Darth Vader

  and the generals the high-ranking

  soldiers have encounters you see that

  they are terrified of him who but when

  they have no even though we were so

  effective in this movie's you understand

  that Darth Vader has a boss but still

  Darth Vader that everybody scared of

  everybody scared of Darth and you're not

  sure what his rank is right he's kinda

  feels like not a row but not but he's

  he's almost like a consultant like he's

  been brought in to make sure you rebuild

  this fucking death star and this is this

  needs to happen

  yeah right i mean it and I do not alter

  it further in in the way in a way that

  he is like he is he's a mini Emperor

  right but in the new Star Wars movie The

  the paco rabanne character does not have

  very much authority right the general is

  openly contemptuous of him and he

  doesn't really have a very good report

  but he's in this like amazing gas mask

  costume

  yeah I like this place so that was cool

  but then as the as the film unfolds the

  mask comes off and you see that he's

  just sort of a callow male model

  uh-huh it's not I mean it was very clear

  why Darth Vader wore the mask because he

  was hideous least disfigure yeah

  anything before you learned all the you

  know reckon details of it like you could

  tell that he was he was he was messed up

  in a number of ways

  yeah imagine he needed that to live

  probably the mask was breathing for him

  and the stormtroopers wore masks because

  it wasn't clear whether or not they were

  robots at first right totally right for

  the longest time we thought they were

  robots and then it turned out they were

  clones

  I mean they were there they were

  basically they were they were like nazis

  in world war two movie

  yeah just like generic people to be shot

  but as the film unfolds then the the the

  paco rabanne character uses his mask

  less and less until he just seems like a

  teenager running around very petulant

  he's always wearing a bandana

  it's like he just wears when he feels

  like it and and it's not

  explain what the purpose of it is except

  that it's just an affectation it's just

  like it's just like a have accepted

  covers his face

  why didn't they start the movie with him

  without his mask and that's why nobody

  respects him yet he's walking around in

  a cape he's obviously a Jedi but he's it

  using any single teacher at the very

  least four cents and if we don't meet me

  tonight Jennifer sorry I'm sorry I'm

  sorry I'm sorry I can't believe

  registered I'm so sorry

  it's no it's quite all right cutting

  that out on my own but there's actually

  you about Star Wars there's a there's a

  reason that he's there and that's

  because he has horsepower who write and

  but the generals are contemptuous of him

  because he can't quite lift them off the

  ground and make them choke yet right so

  so he's it's some kind of thing where he

  is being groomed by the new emperor

  right but he's still a kind of a callow

  teenager and that's why nobody takes him

  seriously and then over the course of

  the film we in he inherits the helmet

  because something I get it right

  why why do it the the reverse way where

  we're set up to think like all this guy

  looks mean he's gonna be mean and then

  over the course the time were already

  trying to were already trying to buy the

  end of the first film we're already in

  this in this mode of like is he going to

  be as he savable is he going to be

  rescuing ball we didn't even set him up

  as like as like a guy who's bitterness

  turns him to the dark side increasingly

  who we already its he's already like oh

  he doesn't know whether it's bad or not

  I just feel like come on

  well I said something a lot of people

  have said about a lot of things related

  to star wars that i happen to agree with

  and we'll make the short because I just

  I can't handle the email but one of the

  great things about science something

  Syracuse and I talked about in terms of

  like why is how it's like fury fury road

  in some ways the first Star Wars very

  little is done to explain what

  everything means through is so much just

  pure action and exposition just based on

  what you're looking at right now that

  the exposition is that like there's

  these robots sorry that's just always

  that's all we have time to explain why

  there's so much story to get through

  here right

  right then like you know and you know

  there's all kinds of things that people

  spent years wondering about and so forth

  but like what you're describing here we

  didn't understand what Darth Vader was

  or how he was and we certainly don't

  understand what the force was other than

  there was a lot of hand waving about it

  some kind of cosmic force but we didn't

  know how powerful Darth Vader could be

  because we need how he can you know what

  his weaknesses work for that matter all

  we saw was that like oh my god you do

  not want to tangle with this guy is

  obviously a very scary i mean you can

  choke you

  you know right right but like you know

  the less we knew the more interesting he

  was one maybe don't I mean do you

  remember feeling like Darth Vader might

  have been a robot a magic robot

  absolutely very special on the first

  viewing like it seemed it

  yeah I always assumed the stormtroopers

  just because of their movements were

  whatever the galaxy far away version of

  human was oh you knew that there were

  humans inside the Stormtrooper right

  well they didn't move like robots if

  they want to Telegraph that the robots

  it seems they would have handled that

  differently so Cylons were post first

  Star Wars yes because Cylons were

  clearly robot sounds were clearly let's

  say a ripoff of Stormtroopers but that

  who were definitely robots

  yeah right and i think i think that i

  was i was coming at it from more of a

  like storm troopers were proto Cylons I

  see because because again what do they

  need to ask for masks are uncomfortable

  yeah oh and and it's never it's never

  specified like to the masks let them see

  a terminator style are the are the

  eyepieces giving them additional

  information we know we didn't know it

  doesn't let them breathe on foreign

  planets where there is an oxygen no

  don't no idea no idea i love target what

  we end up getting we got a lot of good

  stuff we've got some great clothes we

  did something we don't usually do which

  we got her got some branded franchise

  clothing for a property that's not even

  out yet but I'm all I can already tell

  we're going to like it so because you

  want to know you want to know what just

  happened to me

  no one well I was walking across the

  room and I accidentally unplugged my

  headphones

  ok and when I came back you had

  completely changed the topic code area

  all fast that almost never happens like

  that and I didn't hear the transition

  right so I was like coming back in plug

  in my headphones back it's alright says

  utopia

  yeah and you were just like anyway just

  as as if we had been talking about your

  daughter's clothes the entire time i

  love target we all kinds of stuff there

  we can get a spatula got a lot of good

  stuff what do we get what we can get

  some clothes for her

  we got all we got a little letter areum

  don't you know it's nice to get a target

  what time do you have a sensitive skin

  uh I mean it's you know if it doesn't

  get his feelings hurt like anybody right

  but I mean your attention but you're

  essentially a northern European I i know

  i don't want to say too much here but I

  i know that you you have to suffer in

  silence i know for example that your

  head sometimes is allergic to itself my

  head and face are both allergic to

  themselves

  okay and I cannot abide any kind of real

  perfume and I cannot use normal soap if

  I wash my clothes in typical normal

  laundry detergent i will get an enormous

  ba complete body heat rash that

  sometimes swells my skin up so that it

  is like an inch puffier than it normally

  is which is that's miserable it is awful

  it's terrible if somebody else washes my

  clothes I basically have to wash them

  again because if I put them on I will

  get them in everywhere the close touch

  my skin i will get this awful heat rash

  that that is like swollen and burns and

  doesn't go away i have to lay naked on a

  on a cool sheet and fan myself for the

  magazine and it is any picture kind of

  magazine has to be like well like it

  well now I don't get well anymore

  I I felt burned bite well yeah but i got

  it for a while and I was like twelve

  this is this going to be consistent with

  horizontal slats are going to get big

  greasy yeah i'm going to live in a

  shipping container hooray for me and

  then after children play into the stairs

  boob after a while I realized that it

  was they were just taking pictures of

  the same house from different angles it

  see it took me two years to figure that

  out you know I was a male cyclist door

  looks familiar that's a really nice deck

  wait a minute wait a minute why is that

  child has the same toys what this house

  as a garage with the same three toys

  every child in snow

  thank you there was absolutely no

  aesthetic variation and after like five

  is where Connor keeps his ball and this

  is kind of a little milk a reading nook

  a reading nook that shaped like the

  inside of a parachute not in any era are

  are crying the day and no over here we

  have our our mud palace and then those

  are real things that she's a documentary

  filmmaker and she's kind of videographer

  used to make apps now he's working on

  something you can't talk about you can't

  talk about it and tyler loves his little

  ball but here's what I get at target

  which is sheer free sheer free cheer is

  a laundry and sheer free cheer free has

  no no chemicals it has no stopping it

  has chemical don't know

  yeah I think you're free is just I think

  so i think a couple of guys go over a

  barbed-wire fence to the dumpster

  outside of a little suction facility

  nice and they get some bags of human fat

  and then they render it with lie and

  that is what cheer free is so it doesn't

  your clothes don't smell like any kind

  of perfume and your free get some skin

  in the game

  yeah it well yeah it doesn't make my it

  doesn't make my body attack itself

  interesting and introduces like anything

  kind of would call an antibody i don't

  know i think it might be homeopathy John

  you might be doing homeopathy i might be

  might take a little bit of human skin to

  make your skin not be bothered

  interesting but it's at such a micro

  dose that it literally can't do anything

  useful

  maybe it's micro dosing me with LSD and

  I'm just don't realize that my skin is

  so maybe you're in your maybe your

  friend Dick Cheney's bunker I wow I

  friends just sparkling to be one

  no no ever since we mentioned that the

  last time I asked loss again Fred I've

  had more Fred Durst mentions in my

  mentions then I ever wanted and I don't

  want to think about him I do not want to

  think about him but so I never know

  what's going to endure when we say it

  it's we might say that we may see

  something wrong like something that's

  not even correct we might say something

  I ironically like as a joke and that

  because what people remember it's a lot

  of responsibility it is a lot of

  responsibility to have such well to be

  fucking head phony award-winning podcast

  that's true so this keeps you so you eat

  you had a good experience with this and

  you can buy a big bottle of it at target

  and getting to target

  okay yeah I i went to the dermatologist

  right I've told you this story and the

  dermatologist said I don't know what

  your problem is you're allergic to

  yourself and I said that's a terrible

  thing to say to somebody that they're

  allergic to themselves and he said she's

  right before you sent someone to the

  fucking Mayo Clinic you don't just trust

  somebody other office with stuff like

  that yeah I don't want to be a boy in

  the bubble and he was like now you're

  just allergic to your ears skin oil i

  was like a skin oil he was like yeah you

  can't you know you have to just you

  can't just let it sit on your skin

  because it will just your body your body

  will go after it

  ah exchanged our story checks out come

  on give me something you know me

  something to write on man put your tap

  tap tap tap it a little so yeah so I go

  to target for that and that's great and

  specialist

  yeah what else did we get we were gonna

  get bowls i didn't like the bowls

  oh don't like their blah there's a lot

  of things we didn't buy their but we've

  never spent like four hundred dollars

  that we got a lot of stuff i go up and

  down the aisles you know did you know

  this about me that when I go into a

  store i have to go up and down every

  aisle every time it's not it's not it

  doesn't it's not OCD it

  no certainly not no no no no you're

  organized you got it you got away you

  like to do things i want to walk down

  every aisle and see what's there

  how are you how are you going to how we

  gonna live with yourself if you go out

  of the store you didn't walk down the

  one I'll that had something who write so

  when I go to costco whatever I go to

  costco what's with the anyone who knows

  me there like please don't go up and

  down every aisle we're just here for the

  Trista 75-pound bag of peanut brittle

  especially accounting for how tall their

  shelves are it's one thing to just look

  at eye level but if you look at

  everything on the shelves at costco and

  account for the people who get the free

  samples

  that's gonna be a long day my friend

  what is it's always a long day you go in

  there and you're like do I need 47

  sharpies

  think about it think about it mm no do I

  need what how much do we really need in

  life

  well it's true but every every once in a

  while I was what was the last thing I

  went in there I thought I needed

  ah it was some kind of like always maybe

  one of those ladders that folds into a

  scaffold that folds into a like an

  origami ladder origami a ladder as seen

  on TV

  yeah and those are neat i was like maybe

  i need that or maybe i need one of those

  juicers that goes it's 5,000 rpm the

  turns a little turn bricks into a juice

  but and it ends up i get the same thing

  I get you know get spaghetti sauce and I

  get peanut brittle and then I'm out of

  there but i still have to go down every

  aisle don't have to but I mean right

  mm it's like you have to if I go in and

  somebody's like you are forbidden from

  going up and down every aisle I i can I

  can hang with that if I'm if I'm

  expressly forbidden i can i can go all

  right actually seafood and automotive

  and drinks and deli

  yep garden supplies oh yeah furniture

  for sure

  uh-huh i'll definitely office supplies

  and safe sorry yeah but socks and and

  bedding with the middle you got that big

  middle part like the middle part you

  know Scott has a lot of like for your

  staple type clothes they got to get

  pretty good socks again pretty good

  undershirts all my underwear was from

  costco until very recently when I gotta

  I gotta start getting underwear from

  this fancy place

  oh I get it I get internet underwear but

  Abbott is also the I heard the workout

  clothes I know how you love to work out

  there let's get one up close to get they

  probably have BMW pants and get there

  let me tell you about the underwear I'm

  wearing right now

  thank you it is lined are not lined it's

  knitted with microfibers of silver it so

  people can steal your identity

  no no silver is anti bacterial or anti

  like silver scares all the the what the

  living a biome the biome yeah it KITT

  scares the biomes and they get out of

  your underwear

  so the underwear is like a shirt silver

  I don't want to imply don't want to say

  it's impregnated with silver now that's

  that's all thinking but silver is shot

  three shot through with silver there you

  go shop through with silver so that and

  it feels just like normal underwear huh

  but it created your little secret it

  creates an inhospitable environment for

  all the things that might get in your

  underwear

  I don't get in there ok so this also i

  mean let's be honest that you got things

  like issues of contagion and older but

  also you keep your junk from becoming

  allergic to itself but with the silver

  I'm up I'm waiting I'm waiting to see if

  that's true but it but it feels like an

  act it's an extra layer of protection

  and emits a little secret like I'm

  wearing silver underwear

  yeah right and they're very comfortable

  i don't and and you know and maybe they

  protect my my nether regions from

  harmful rays are you worried about that

  and I'm worried about that are praised I

  I think about that I think about that

  yeah i'm very interested what can i say

  about this dad starts and start track

  are worried about harmful rays get a

  full rate all

  Oh John dad you get Joe that's awfully

  good thing all my goodness thanks I now

  everyone will be laugh-in yeah at that

  lay a wreath on that joke I solo most I

  lead f MA

  more like millennial Falcon berg

  millennial for work I knew that if I

  released the released the a joke Sam you

  okay with just come pouring out like a

  like a burst water balloon become more

  powerful than you can imagine

  so you know

  I don't know what to say exactly about

  this but I'm mm what's happening

  well I'm acquainted with someone who's a

  had and having problems with things like

  worrying about Ray's oh I'm trying to

  learn more about it than just haha

  chemtrails right and it's it's super

  tough and super interesting there are a

  lot of raised well but it's also like

  I'm trying to fly I can do this that's

  enough said about that except to say

  that it is very interesting very

  complicated i actually I came across an

  interesting thing on the reddit or

  somebody said you know you think about

  what people talk about especially what

  has come to but some people have called

  paranoid schizophrenia but some kind of

  like an effective thing but you know

  your things like people saying they

  think their voices right they think the

  queen is talking to them that they hear

  voices on the radio

  addressing them there are teams you know

  the there are actually people who do

  line hats with aluminum foil because

  they don't want thoughts and say its

  order to remove all these things that

  the sad part of this is the jokes that

  we make about this is that the horrible

  truth is that there are people that like

  believe that more than anything they

  believe in the entire world right and it

  is really interesting but there was i

  just i have a piece and i have read the

  whole thing yet but somebody's asking

  basically

  basically

  with what we now call schizophrenia with

  those particular symptoms

  what did people imagined before the age

  of electricity like you're saying

  there's so much thought now about like

  there are raised that are doing this

  there are ways of making you sexy see

  certain images insert and remove

  thoughts like the all lot of those in rh

  come down to electricity

  you know what I mean yeah like what

  people uh if you like hallucinate before

  we had electricity

  well you know they're spiritualism was a

  big was a big thing right there is a

  part of the parent schizophrenia is this

  i don't even know that's exactly the

  correct term forgive me I don't be i'm

  really trying not to be insensitive

  about this cuz you know it's it's close

  to home but I it's interesting because I

  a lot of it does involve the parent part

  of the schizophrenia is that there there

  it's this very very strong belief

  essentially that somebody's fucking with

  you right and that the conflict the

  complexity of your the way your mind is

  working is because something is

  happening

  well sure but wouldn't that just be

  Damon's right i mean before before it

  was the man like you bewitched or

  something yeah right i mean i don't

  think that there's anything specific to

  it being like other humans who are

  messing with you except that in the

  modern age that seems a lot more

  plausible been then

  Damon's right over people using like the

  sorcery right I guess sorcery would

  probably okay yeah that checks out

  Jack's out and a part of it also then is

  that I think the part that makes this so

  interesting scary is like the part of it

  is that it involves somebody who has

  malicious like ill will for you and is

  acting upon a person or a group is

  acting upon this with you know there

  they are after you and they are

  organized right and that they're doing

  it remotely and that they're doing it

  through some means of obfuscation which

  obfuscation is part of the very thing

  that is messing with you so I mean like

  when you I know maybe I'm being precious

  about but that's super interesting you

  break that down into parts can you

  imagine how excruciating that must be

  well it's all I believe that more than

  you believe anything in the world but

  it's the core of the protocols of the

  Elders of Zion I mean people have always

  attributed that kind

  of a malicious intent to the Jews or two

  I mean the Jews but and that's you know

  that was a convenient the Jews were

  convenient scapegoat for all that kind

  of paranoia for everyone in Europe for

  years and years and years decades

  hundreds of years so and you still see

  you still see paranoiacs everywhere

  attributing all that mind control to the

  bilderberg group or whatever

  yeah yeah wonder how who oh it was so

  would you put chem trails in that in a

  pile in the reckoning

  I mean the reason that I feel chemtrails

  is so remarkable is that it

  it's it seems much more like one of

  those conspiracies that isn't founded in

  an actual mental illness but is founded

  in the you know the pervasive American

  tendency that a tendency that the most

  ignorant people are the ones that are

  most certain about their beliefs right

  so the people all across the country are

  absolutely sure that Obama is trying to

  take their guns or whatever the fuck

  their current thing is right and

  chemtrails are just a part of that which

  is like they're so profoundly ignorant

  of how things work and so supremely

  confident that their interpretation or

  the interpretation of the radio a shock

  jock that they listen to you see this

  partly as somebody who's a little bit

  knowledgeable about aircraft well and

  how this guy works and how governments

  work and happy that you don't like like

  the have you ever worked with government

  you know the motivation

  what would be required to have chem

  trails be a project as big as they say

  and to keep it all a secret it's just

  hilarious and what is the benefit

  I mean what would the benefit of

  mind-control Pete there's so much mind

  control already that's just like right

  and you're just holding it in your hand

  you're soaking in it right but it's

  evident it's right in front of you

  there's no nobody's trying to do it in

  secret and there's no and nobody's

  controlling it like every at

  attempt that they make to exert some

  sort of i mean i do believe that it is

  plausible

  I believe that the narrative that the

  that the that there is some connection

  between drugs and guns and inner-city

  violence that feels like it was seeded

  by you know seated in some ways

  unintentionally the results were

  unintentional in enough to the scale

  that they were but like the way that the

  CIA was drug running and paying for

  Nicaragua and giving getting black

  plates

  well and i think is aids-like and

  introducing crack as like the dudes like

  don't disposable e directly to play

  crack into ghettos idols reasons I don't

  think they're clever enough i don't

  think anyone at the CIA is clever clever

  enough to orchestrate it but I to

  orchestrate what happened but I do but

  there's enough stuff that has been

  documented and the and that narrative of

  like black power was real it was having

  a transformative effect and then it was

  completely like wiped off the face of

  the earth by this seemingly like like

  blood wave of drugs that came into the

  inner cities and the CIA is meanwhile

  dealing drugs to fund their covert

  operations just like there's just too

  much going on there to dismiss it

  wholeheartedly and here's here's why I

  think is that I mean there was a time I

  guess when there were a lot of rumors

  and you know and understand like the

  what we knew about what the CIA did

  before the nineteen seventies was it was

  more like what we know the NSA does now

  which is we assume everything but who

  knows but you know it was it will be

  years before we learn a lot about what

  the CI had done years earlier so for

  example like let's say you heard a rumor

  about the extent to which the CIA wanted

  to disrupt humiliate and potentially

  kill Fidel Castro and it's if you heard

  you would hear that you might have heard

  these stories that are so outlandish

  never going to make his beer trying

  make his beard fallout yeah like but the

  thing is that apparently they did huh

  yeah right i mean this is true didn't

  like trying to poison his food they're

  all these different kinds of things

  aren't shit man look what happened with

  that with all the guys in people in

  Russia being poisoned you know like that

  guy who was basically poisoned by Putin

  it's like well it doesn't take that many

  stories where you go up geez like this

  really is like three days of the Condor

  it's really this is bad but all of those

  things you can see you can picture a guy

  sitting in his desk with a mustache and

  he's like he's got an assignment he's on

  assignment because i'm fairly specific

  assignment to like disrupt with pride

  bet for a long time a lot of CIA was

  causing chaos disrupt disruption and

  lack of trust in a given government

  yeah right before you say like we're

  gonna send in troops a lot of it might

  have been like something as simple as

  make the electricity go off a lot so

  people don't trust the government it

  would be that's an operational thing I

  could see people doing at ground level

  except you can picture you can picture

  five people in a in a meeting room where

  they closed the door and goes and then

  they totally flip some switch and the

  the cone of silence comes down and

  they're like okay here's what we're

  going to do but you can't picture five

  people in a room imagining the scope of

  we're going to we're going to turn

  colombian cocaine into a weapon to

  destabilize the Black Power movement

  it's just too it's too

  there there are too many things that

  have to happen that where the logical

  explanation is much it is much simpler

  to say simpler and more cost effective

  and more secretive way to do it that

  didn't require all of those contortions

  is is seeding contrails with chemicals

  the best way to do whatever it is you

  think these people are trying to

  accomplish is that the most effective

  way to do that

  yeah i'm at nana's it's bananas and also

  liked the story of the Colombian drug

  cartels that where they came up

  organically and found a market for this

  product and it it you know and there was

  a like that is a story Simon and we know

  that the CIA in Iraq

  did with them but there wasn't it's much

  more plausible that was just capitalism

  working then that anyone in the CIA had

  a big plan right and no soldiers came

  back from Vietnam and they've gotten

  hooked on heroin in Asia and that was

  that seems much more organic and natural

  and and plausible than that they were

  intentionally hooked on drugs by the CIA

  trying to ruin the inner city and so

  there's too many steps in a lot of those

  conspiracies for it for it to fort for

  me to believe that five guys in her in a

  cone of silence had the wisdom to

  foresee all of this stuff they're just

  in their line and keep it a secret all

  those all of those steps five guys could

  not cause that to happen by the rebels

  so there's a guy with the mustache and

  short-sleeved white shirts smoking of

  cigarette and he's got an idea and it's

  never been

  he's he never has the authority or the

  budget to pull off a big idea

  no one could ever say chemtrails and

  then have access to the black budget to

  create it right he'd have to take it up

  to the head office the head office is

  going to say well we've also we're

  trying to source trying to foment a

  revolution in the following six

  countries and we're trying to make

  Castro's beard fallout you know will

  give you a million dollars exploratory

  funds or whatever but you know so that's

  the that's the main stumbling block with

  most of those conspiracies like back

  trace it to the to the guy in short

  sleeve shirt that had the diabolical

  idea and then tell me there's any

  organization in the world where he can

  where he can get a powerpoint

  demonstration up where they give him the

  the six hundred million dollars to pull

  off his scheme you know right its and

  you'll find nobody finds out and nobody

  finds out why don't you like the way he

  the army cheated like the Chief of Staff

  of the Armed Forces doesn't have the

  authority to and the director of the CIA

  you know they have access to this money

  but they don't that it's not like some

  kind of

  situation where they just sweep into a

  room and say here's the plan

  you know they're there bureaucracies so

  that's the that's the number one thing

  that causes me to say 99% of the

  conspiracy theories would require I

  would require a Blofeld mhm and there's

  there just aren't any Blofeld's that we

  know of

  well I mean I sergey brin alright just a

  magic word no that's okay okay we're

  gonna do that thing where you from the

  internet

  oh please this is the story of James

  Tooley Matthews i sent you a link in the

  robot 1797 he was the first person

  documented with what we now called

  paranoid schizophrenia

  oh and the guy who tended to him was

  this guy John Haslem who wrote a book

  about what happened with this fella and

  the thing that he believed was

  tormenting him and you'll see that the

  illustration that was made of this thing

  called the air low which is the thing so

  in the pre active electricity age

  this is the machine that was causing all

  this trouble so I thought you'd enjoy

  this but also would like to read you the

  name of the others lot of people of the

  book that John has them wrote about this

  because it's probably my favorite title

  of a book ever

  this is often 1810 john hasn't wrote a

  book was later shortened to

  illustrations of of madness the full

  title original title illustrations of

  madness exhibiting a singular case of

  insanity and no less remarkable

  difference in medical opinions

  developing the nature of an assailant

  and the manner of working events with a

  description of tortures experience by

  bombs bursting lobster cracking and

  lengthening the brain embellished with a

  curious plate haha i love the word is

  ailment mhm so the heirloom as

  illustrated here as well as messing with

  this guy the torments included induced

  by the Rays of the heirloom included

  lobster cracking well which is a

  circular saw you get the lobster

  cracking under the circulation of the

  blood was prevented by a magnetic field

  stomach skinning an apoplexy working

  with nutmeg grater which involved the

  introduction of fluids into the skull

  his persecutors bore such names as the

  middleman who operated the heirloom the

  glove woman and sir Archie who acted as

  quote unquote repeaters or active

  warriors to enhance Matthews treat

  torment or record the machines

  activities and their leader a man

  bill or the King what you know as you

  describe that and and this has been true

  i think of is like an HBO show

  well yeah Wow actually start writing

  that script but uh but his description

  of his tormenters is it equips nicely

  with how I would describe a some of the

  cast of voices in my own head like there

  are like characters or invoices not like

  hearing voices but like points of view

  that you can punch of you that have

  distinct personalities yeah from one

  another right where were you

  you're walking along in here and you're

  quietude and some voice says uh it's you

  know a dummy over here

  yeah it's it's imperative that we do the

  following thing and some other voice

  says what

  that's the dumbest idea we've ever had

  and after a while II you have to

  acknowledge that these are separate they

  have separate viewpoints that and they

  have personalities enough to express

  them right here

  yeah but but i never i do not locate

  those things outside my body and that

  whatever their torment it just it seems

  like a heated discussion there they

  aren't like and and in a way I don't

  separate myself from them except at

  curiously like who are your dogs not

  telling you to go out and kill the

  people in your mail route or something

  right

  but but the different personalities that

  he describes in that you know just their

  character their character names their

  kid their player character named feel

  very familiar right that the one but the

  one that's leading the whole thing named

  bill for the king and over the king and

  LOL or the King you know uh that the

  various other sort of sort of traits

  that are implied by those names so so it

  it still feels like it still feels like

  consciousness and personality are on a

  continuum or on a some sort of bell

  curve

  where the vast majority of people are

  not aware of a of a chorus of voices and

  then as the as you get the trail off to

  a leading edge there are people that are

  aware of that of that group of voices

  but are managing them and then at a

  certain point those voices become become

  a distinct enough that they feel

  distinct from yourself

  well and then there are people that I

  guess on the other end who have no who

  have a singular voice very dramatically

  singular voice that there was that

  they're aware of everything that people

  who are aware of as the voice that is

  them or a singular voice that is

  external to them know a singular voice

  that they're aware of as themselves

  right there is no disagreement within

  within their own mind that there is a

  that there's a unity of self and and I

  guess my confusion is I don't know

  whether that unity of self perspective

  is at the at the peak of the bell curve

  and that's the majority or whether that

  unity of self is also a pathology at the

  far end well interesting other end of

  the scale supernormal quote-unquote or

  like a uniquely unusual to just have one

  voice in your head

  yeah that that that that the that the

  mass of people but normal let's say

  involve some internal deliberation but

  not enough where you're saying that

  these are distinctive personalities that

  are arguing but more that you're like

  you know the devil and angel on your

  shoulder right there yeah did there may

  be two other perspectives that are kind

  of arguing with you but there's not all

  these you know i would i would describe

  my own mind as having between six and

  twelve voices depending on how quiet i

  am Who and maybe it maybe your your

  normal is is to in a good and evil and

  then there and then and then the other

  end of it the other pathologies just

  this hyper confidence in one's own you

  know the certitude of one's own mind

  i I don't know enough about and i don't

  i'm not sure that it's ever been

  investigated or discussed in that in

  those terms

  but yeah but listening to a lot of

  schizophrenic descriptions i feel a

  kinship with the words they use I just

  don't I just don't know what it would be

  like to externalize that and and and and

  feel and be victimized by it and you

  know it here actually hear voices so

  there's nothing in those voices that you

  would find yourself feeling that there's

  a plausible reason to believe they're

  coming from anything except just what

  you want my call you

  yeah my own my own nothings in like

  inserted distorted control their just if

  there's just factions of my own

  consciousness and it's part of the

  mystery of consciousness but but what's

  a what what seems it seems what some

  troubling is just I mean every once

  awhile be in the basement of a house

  usually a strange house i'll have

  headphones on i'll be playing the guitar

  into some kind of you know headphone amp

  I'm all tangled banking and I and it's

  night stark at night and I'm down in the

  basement making rock music in my

  headphones and i will hear John from

  right behind me

  well and I will flip off my headphones

  and leap across the room you know

  spinning in midair in total combat pose

  and I'm all alone and that's happened a

  few times

  creepy and each time I you know I flee

  the basement and I go upstairs kind of

  panting and like what the fuck why do

  you keep doing that weird voice why do

  you keep shouting in my ear when I met

  really having fun playing the guitar but

  other than that there's you know

  nobody's ever liked faster pussycat kill

  kill

  right and I and I wouldn't know what to

  do

  I wouldn't know what to do if that ever

  happened I don't think I mean I think

  I'm long past the point where you would

  have an onset of that kind of mental

  illness so I am I so I feel like I'm

  wrestling with what I've got right my

  cards have been dealt and and it's and

  it's absolutely manageable

  well yeah and more curious to me what

  you're describing also is something i am

  thinking about an awful lot is that and

  it's it's very very loosely at length

  kind of related to certain ideas about

  mindfulness and maybe Buddhism but like

  there's what it's one thing to feel bad

  and it's kind of another thing to feel

  bad about how you feel bad I feel bad

  about why you feel bad and it's strange

  because how manageable it can be to not

  mind the fact that you don't feel good

  today and to kind of accepted as like

  well as you know just days good days and

  bad days but like the thing that really

  drives one if you like crazy is this

  feeling that like you're aware of the

  badness of how you're feeling

  it's not getting any better and it's

  going on over time you know what I mean

  or you're having this constant you have

  enough sort of presence of mind to doubt

  your own perceptions of things to where

  you don't trust it and you know you

  don't trust it

  I mean that's helped to me it would be

  one thing to get to wear like you're not

  even aware of how like you helped me how

  about your dimension is or something

  like that that's awful for sure but to

  like see yourself going oh I I can see

  where this is heading it's not good

  that's the that seems like the worst and

  then you feel bad about of course that

  was what was you know that was what has

  been happening to me for for several

  years right where i would just look at a

  situation i go there is absolutely no

  despair inherent in this situation

  I'm just bringing it I'm bringing

  despair into my into mundane situations

  right if you if you're having if you're

  having a social encounter with something

  like that the thing is happening right

  now does not have any like valence on

  its own like I'm taking this what it is

  I'm in my own kitchen making a cup of

  tea

  there's no there's no despair it's all

  it's all in me and and and and in that

  sense like the the way that paranoia

  factors into it

  is it is explainable to me or it's it's

  it's I'm sympathetic to situations where

  you are you're socializing with other

  people and you are bringing despair

  because that that the tension when

  someone somebody else doesn't understand

  you the feeling of isolation from other

  people

  the the feeling that other people are

  sharing love with each other and you are

  excluded from that like that all makes

  sense to me even if it's even if it is

  wrong but I can see where you would get

  pulled into that I get pulled into it

  all the time if there are five people in

  a room there are always going to be

  moments where I feel like though like

  that they are all sharing in something

  that I'm excluded from you and that's

  not always true sometimes I feel like

  I'm in the center of this of friendship

  but i'm always i'm always vulnerable to

  getting pulled out of it but if you're

  just walking in the forest and looking

  at the moss and you feel that that

  isolation and that that sense of not

  belonging then there that that's where

  that's the the bell ringer for me huh

  but it's like this is all this is a

  disease of the mind and i still may not

  allow the joco crews it's always very

  complicated because there are a lot of

  talented people and they're all together

  and there's a lot of collaboration but

  there's also a sort of like who's going

  to sit at the head table who don't know

  yet on of the absolutely who is

  you-know-who is Paul Tompkins going to

  choose to sit with and so everyone and

  to a greater or lesser degrees people

  don't care about it but you'll notice

  that people do care about it because

  they are first in the dining room to

  make sure they secure their seat and the

  right spot and that and and there are

  times when I can be high above that and

  just Marvel and laugh and enjoy the way

  people are and enjoy the kind of social

  and the kind of social craziness her but

  there are other times when you're like I

  would like to sit next to that person

  and chat and instead I'm sitting over

  here and

  it feels and I feel alone but but on

  this particular cruise I had a moment we

  were sailing out of a port like a

  Caribbean island that I won't name

  except to say that it's st. Thomas that

  I've already had a bad experience out

  and I didn't go ashore so I was on my

  boat and I was lobbying 12-time

  cannonballs at the port all afternoon

  and we're sailing out in the Sun has

  gone down and we're sailing past st.

  Thomas which is a beautiful island to

  appraise from a quarter of a mile right

  from offshore it's gorgeous and a at and

  the the harbor of amelie whatever the

  town is that we go into the it's one of

  those perfect harbors we're just like

  this is the most gorgeous place I've

  ever seen

  surely this town is a tropical paradise

  and you get onshore and it's just like a

  by tanzanite whatever there's nothing

  there but as we're sailing out of this

  Harbor and I'm what I'm looking at the

  sunset on the side of the hill and I'm

  seeing all these Caribbean houses that

  are perched on the side in a sort of

  jungle canopy or I'm not it's not jungle

  it's drier but like a a wooded canopy

  and it's this beautiful island and I

  realized that this was for certain

  number of people that was their home

  they were they born there and they never

  do anything else but for a lot of people

  this is there this is their fantasy this

  is this this is how they express their

  success in life

  this is their ambition they worked all

  those years in Winnipeg in order to

  afford to come to this island and live

  in that house and that and the distance

  I felt from those people the feeling

  that I was looking at this hillside

  where thousands of people's fantasies

  were expressed in all these vacation

  homes and I felt no kinship with them i

  would not have a house there as that is

  not my fantasy nor my ambition and it

  and and different strokes for different

  folks right but but I felt so different

  from them that I had this sudden like

  feeling of tremendous loneliness was

  like how how can that be so how can I be

  so detached from that whole idea to 21

  day end up in a home on st. Thomas where

  there's nothing to do but sit on the

  porch under a slowly turning fan and

  drink gin fizzes nothing about that

  appeals to me and and watching that

  whole island just sort of like Rob I

  felt I felt so profoundly alone that I

  had to get out i had to stop looking at

  the island had to put on my shorts and

  get out of my cabin and go find some

  people and go up to sprinkles and get an

  ice cream cone because because I felt

  such a distance from humanity at that

  point and I don't know whether that's

  the same reaction or or a you know or an

  imbalance one

  it feels very it feels very crazy in the

  moment but also i can't find fault with

  it when i try to explain that I don't I

  i find no I find no pleasure there and

  that is and there are and I guess what

  it was i I just I saw this archipelago

  of these places kind of stretching to

  infinity like this is one of the top

  Human fantasies to retire to a tropical

  island and I just was like no no no I

  would rather live in a shipping

  container buried under sand in the

  desert her with Fred Durst and dick

  cheney I'm not sure

  yeah yeah and it's a yeah and of course

  one of the voices will always say like

  what's wrong with you dummy

  well that's exactly right i quite like

  what what is what is your problem

  why can't you enjoy tropical island like

  everybody else the only person that's

  that's not spent their whole life

  looking forward to this getting to do

  this thing nobody else gets to do that

  everybody wants to do

  why are you why are you not first of all

  why are you such a sad sack like what

  how can you not be thrilled to be here

  right now

  yeah yeah yeah I mean what's crazy about

  the joco Cruz is that i love it because

  my friends are there and we're making

  fun and I think the sea monkeys are

  great but to be on that exact same

  cruise ship going to that exact same

  itinerary where there were not see

  monkeys and I was not there with my

  friends would be my worst nightmare

  yeah and how can you be how can the same

  cruise be like so fun and so potentially

  miserable at the same time it's a it's

  it's really funny you know it's like

  what do I want to do I want to go sit in

  a cafe somewhere a and drink little

  teeny cups of coffee and read like like

  I guess really little histories of

  things read people's film reviews for

  her she should know why what what is

  that what is that

  well and it's it's funny cuz i mean i

  always favored go somewhere that is

  primarily a place to go for fun and

  relaxation

  that's different from the everyday stuff

  and like I always feel like I'm doing

  wrong and always feel like it takes me a

  and probably long time to get into the

  spirit of whatever it is and not just be

  somebody rolling their eyes on the

  sidelines

  no matter what I always feel that way I

  can't ever go anywhere once it looks

  just called vacation even though it may

  be something as simple as like just

  standard hotel for weekend somewhere I

  can't go anywhere once and be good at it

  I have to go there like three times to

  understand how to be somewhere like

  learn like what expectations to have

  here is the kind of fears the kind of

  activities that this place is excels at

  and here's the many many many other

  kinds of things that are just not a good

  idea to try and do here stop trying to

  get a good internet connection that's

  not expecting that this will be an

  authentic hamburger now go sit on the

  beach and drink a drink

  that's what this place is good for that

  might take me three quarters of the

  vacation to figure out but it also and

  so it makes me feel like a terrible

  person but it also makes me a student of

  all the other people who are doing it

  nowhere

  way like to get to our cabin we had

  walked past the guest account the

  library you know whenever you know I

  mean like there's an area walk past a

  little can follow the novel exactly i

  mean it is it's like a bunch and

  rulebooks it's up on you know it's it's

  under some guys boardgames and you would

  walk by there and see people who like we

  got a free cruise for doing this so we

  were there free so any I think least you

  know I was not felt like I was losing

  money which is another terrible feeling

  is going somewhere indication realize

  you're paying to go to awkward somewhere

  and but this room probably folks who are

  paying a pretty good amount of dough to

  be on this trip and a lot of times it

  wasn't sea monkeys with other folks who

  are not affiliated with that part of the

  group anyway not unusual to walk by and

  see like three to 10 people like sitting

  in the deck of a ship like reading a

  borrowed book in a library so I mean no

  these are not enough folks who are like

  like on the deck reading the book they

  brought these are people who are picking

  a can follow book off the shelf and

  reading it in a airless room inside of a

  cruise ship and I assume they're having

  a good time

  yeah they're doing what they want to do

  right now or for that matter let's let's

  talk about like the was obviously a huge

  change in focus i guess over the years

  is the amount of gaming that goes on

  there are a lot of people who are like

  one of the lowest decks of the ship like

  in in the in a room with artificial

  lighting playing board games and having

  the time of their life

  yeah which is a bit but it's a very

  lively atmosphere very good arias and

  warm and every single person I met down

  there they're all weirdos they were all

  great they're all playing come to done

  shower or whatever and they are totally

  excited to explain everything like would

  you like to play we would be happy to

  explain this game to you

  well as their server social with each

  other right i mean they're having having

  so much fun great time because they

  found they found kindred spirits and you

  know and they don't have to i'm I I when

  I look at that game room I i see a lot

  of those people and I imagine them in

  their hometown getting a few friends

  from work over and saying hey you know

  let me show you how to play settlers of

  catan and their friends from worker like

  huh weird okay and they play it and then

  we play that iphone game we saw on Ellen

  yeah right the other half hearted

  about it and they're like me or I mean

  the and the best situations are ones

  where it's where it's a couple and they

  both are really into gaming but that

  feeling that they're coming from all

  over where they're like I've kind of got

  my little game group but you know to the

  people only come half the time and

  suddenly they're in a room where

  everybody is just as everybody

  recognizes that these games are as fun

  as I think that they're they're excited

  but they may be very excited about or

  even maybe say having developed of one

  of those games or work on the King so

  they're excited about that game but

  they're also excited about many of the

  other games but there it strikes me that

  they are equally as excited that

  everybody here is excited about games

  yeah yesterday just the idea of a bunch

  of people and this is a big thing in

  nerd culture is that there is like a

  good very big tent for letting everybody

  in his even vaguely interested in this

  and like that's ok it's a really nice

  part of their culture it one of the

  things that happened on the last cruise

  and i'm not sure if you were there but

  it happened again on this cruise was Ted

  Leo reading aloud from the silmarillion

  heard about this yeah and he did it on

  the first cruise and i was there you

  know kind of sitting at his feet because

  i want I i wanted to understand what Ted

  Leo was getting out of it and so I was

  like all right ne-yo really wants to

  read aloud from some really and I'm

  gonna go watch this because I you know

  like I'm curious about this guy and I

  want to see what what what he's on about

  and it turns out ted leo is a very

  articulate reader and he knows how to

  pronounce Elvis names

  wow he's he reads elvish names without

  any hesitation and he you know he has a

  kind of east coast accent ec definitely

  sounds like somebody from the east coast

  he sounds like a person a Connecticut

  person and not a fancy Connecticut

  person but he's reading this is reading

  The Silmarillion and I was transported

  like it was like I was a child being

  read to and I knew enough of this story

  that I was

  like I was floating away on it and he

  was reading from it with such care and

  such conviction and i think that the

  cast of people that showed up to that

  first reading of the similarly and where

  a lot of you know a lot of the cooler

  people on the boat who are like ted leo

  yeah let's go listen to Ted Leo read

  about the superintendent and somebody

  might be something like he's here he's

  catering to the pandering to the nurse

  yeah he's on this boat and he and and

  he's got this nerdy thing that he's

  going to do and haha but he was utterly

  sincere read this book aloud as though

  he had read it aloud every day of his

  life and you know and breezed through

  that Tolkien ease a sort of almost Old

  Testament style of writing and and made

  it can make the story come alive and so

  this year when he said he was going to

  do it he was no longer kind of doing it

  up in the cool bar he was down in the

  game room in a in a conference room off

  the side of the game room in a totally

  windowless place the only reason you

  would ever go there's because you were

  on the cruise with like a Midwestern

  sales force and this was where they were

  having the powerpoint demonstration

  right that right the cruise ship has

  that stuff on there because that because

  they cater largely to conventions and so

  I go in the room and at this point

  almost everybody in the room is not a

  cool person who's there to see ted leo d

  something slummy it's a bunch of people

  that want to hear the silmarillion read

  aloud and the the room looks very

  different

  you can hear a pin drop in there and he

  again reads like so so artfully from

  this book he's telling the story and you

  know that we've talked about the

  silmarillion it's it can be impenetrable

  huh

  but he's telling the story and you can

  feel the tragedy in it and you can feel

  his

  and he never missed you never makes a

  mistake he never gets halfway through a

  sentence i believe and starts over again

  right

  he's just like he's he's gifted and I

  had another expect another one of the

  10,000 experiences I've had interacting

  with that group of people it's like this

  is actually a real thing this has

  nothing to do with being a nerd

  this is a this is a beautiful moment and

  and that's what that's what those are

  all the touchstones of the jungle cruise

  for me when I'm with a group of people

  who are who are enthusiasts about a

  thing and then I realized that oh

  they're sharing in a moment of of human

  beauty that kind of his unrelated it has

  nothing to do with like the medium it's

  it's ultimately the message and it isn't

  a case where the medium is the message

  that the medium is is just the it's just

  the box so i think the captain saw we

  saw those lights fucking infos likessee

  doesn't I bet John I bet he doesn't tell

  everybody that story I got a feeling I

  got a feeling that was kinda special

  well yeah i think so too and as we know

  as we left I couldn't think of any more

  questions that i wanted to have an

  answer from a sea captain about like

  what's the weirdest shit you ever saw

  float up out of the ocean who rogue wave

  to grab rogue wave have you ever seen

  anything you couldn't explain and what's

  the biggest see you've ever been in like

  what else are you gonna say maybe save

  somebody from quicksand

  oh I did I did say you ever pick people

  up at you ever give her as your scanning

  this the Seas with your with your

  pleasure your camera nice captain eyes

  never find a guy floating and honor on a

  rikki-tikki-tavi know and he's like yeah

  we picked people up all the time

  oh and the other thing i said was GRC

  dark ships boats that have no callsigns

  boats that have no running lights danger

  boats and he said the only boats we see

  that are like that our Coast Guard boats

  that are out here lurking

  oh wow and and when we try to hail them

  or like Heil boat they go

  Shh get off and we tease them we teach

  them by getting on the radio and saying

  like aloha and they're like ixnay ixnay

  because they're out lurking around those

  Islands trying to find like fast boats

  who but but when I you know it dug a

  little deeper and I was like no no I'm

  talking about I'm talking about some

  dark dark ocean but that the tour of the

  ocean

  oh ok i didn't know about this right

  yeah like just what you see is just the

  tip of the iceberg you know what I'm

  saying sure I mean it's like now

  no no it's just always it's always the

  Coast Guard this running around without

  their running SI nai what he's saying

  that he tells you well that's the thing

  i mean it

  we were we were pretty chummy at that

  point and I was you know I was kind of

  lean in a little bit i was like come on

  who's out here and he just he didn't

  blow it off like you know usually

  somebody in that position if they're

  going to blow something off because

  they're not supposed to talk about it

  they give you a little hint i know i

  think he's protecting you

  I think he likes you and he likes will

  especially well let's be honest let's be

  I think he's I think he's protecting you

  he doesn't want you to know too much I

  mean certainly doesn't want the

  information trace back to him but he

  also doesn't this you're not ready for

  this you're not ready to hear this yet

  maybe he's saying that he sees

  unexplained lights you don't think you

  would give me a little wink as he said

  like no there's no dark boats out here

  the darkness might have his wife in the

  closet with a gun to her head or

  something or similar whatever boat does

  in order to like you know I you know get

  you to do something on the secret form

  he thinks there may be microphones on

  the bridge of the freedom of the seas

  maybe he knows there's microphones on

  the bridge in the Freedom of the Seas

  right you might have been very clear

  about that you know we're listening

  every time somebody hits the button in

  the bathroom and my god I wouldn't have

  to watch that using james earl jones

  reaches over and pushes the

  that button and the torpedo explodes

  just shy of the boat and he says this is

  the last we're going to talk about this

  which movies at the dr strangelove dr.

  Strangelove was the one where the James

  Earl Jones wrote a submarine down and it

  exploded in a and it's his grandsons

  pucker up on right

  no it's not that yeah i think that

  captain would give me a little wink he

  just he seemed he's from fucking

  Winnipeg true right what does he have to

  what I mean what's he going back to ya

  right yeah it goes home or somen feeds

  his sled-dog or whatever

  only you understand me up you know my

  secrets of the first

  [Music]