Roderick on the Line

Ep. 162: "April's Cream"

 

  I'm Merlin night John how are you I'm [TS]

  doing great man how's it going pretty [TS]

  good tale me somethin John around uh [TS]

  let's see something John that you like [TS]

  and where I add some I made some coffee [TS]

  mhm and then that this is what will give [TS]

  you some sense of where I'm at I I [TS]

  looked in the refrigerator and there was [TS]

  some cream in there and I grabbed it and [TS]

  I knew that there were I knew that there [TS]

  was a variety of sort of suspect creams [TS]

  in the in the refrigerator [TS]

  yeah but it was also possible there's [TS]

  been a few people in and out of the [TS]

  house is also possible that somebody had [TS]

  bought a new cream a new container of [TS]

  cream eisenberg uncertainty cream [TS]

  yep and so I I grabbed the cream I [TS]

  looked at it I read the date and I said [TS]

  oh joon one it's almost june yeah right [TS]

  and I right on the corner and I put the [TS]

  cream in the coffee and then I you know [TS]

  was walking around sipping it and if [TS]

  there were some floaters but you know [TS]

  that what does come on i'm not a guy [TS]

  that's gonna throw a cup of coffee way [TS]

  just for a couple of floaters and then [TS]

  after about 10 minutes I had one of [TS]

  those sort of you know the slow delayed [TS]

  slit time release the oxycontin of [TS]

  thought where I was like jun 10 [TS]

  it's almost august our God and then I [TS]

  went and looked at the looked at it [TS]

  again to confirm that it was june and i [TS]

  open it up and I smell the cream and it [TS]

  was it did not smell like spoiled milk [TS]

  it smelled kind of like pie [TS]

  it had moved into some other realm where [TS]

  it was or or or maybe it's that at that [TS]

  strange phenomenon where we're [TS]

  half-and-half doesn't spoil because it's [TS]

  like you can only get so spoiled [TS]

  yeah right it just means refrigerated [TS]

  but it becomes something else it go it [TS]

  turns into like it had like a state [TS]

  change state change that's right it [TS]

  becomes a particulate [TS]

  and and so you know what I i made the i [TS]

  made the executive decision as executive [TS]

  level decision to just go with it so I [TS]

  am I still have you know it because I [TS]

  drink my coffee out of a half-liter beer [TS]

  steins i'm sitting here with the with [TS]

  about a quarter of the leader of coffee [TS]

  and and um uh what I can only describe [TS]

  as April's cream and and we're that's [TS]

  that's how I'm starting today [TS]

  boom you just get power through it [TS]

  myself you know it's a little little [TS]

  little saltier it's a little bit you [TS]

  know it's got a little go pow [TS]

  I coffee yeah I shouldn't say this but [TS]

  my coffee apparatus at work at some [TS]

  point i guess the last year so stop [TS]

  working and I was drinking less coffee [TS]

  at work i would have helped bring it in [TS]

  a long story short i have a half and [TS]

  half in my refrigerator that expired in [TS]

  april 2014 [TS]

  oh and here's my thought it got to be [TS]

  able scream 2015 but you know what it [TS]

  maybe this is back to like affections [TS]

  for your shirt [TS]

  i I didn't throw the guy out I want to [TS]

  see how long he can stick around as [TS]

  April screams like he's been April [TS]

  scream twice now I mean I don't know [TS]

  it's sort of like putting a relative in [TS]

  a home or something like well you know [TS]

  they're they're kinda stinky not very [TS]

  useful but you know you get affection [TS]

  let me ask you this have you considered [TS]

  the cow or cows that produced April [TS]

  scream where they are now [TS]

  yeah that makes me so sad when I watch a [TS]

  movie and I know the dogs dead you know [TS]

  boo from France Ubu sit he died in [TS]

  nineteen eighty-four really yeah but his [TS]

  legacy continues on the loose it [TS]

  good boy good dog oh man that is rough [TS]

  we got some new coffee technology at the [TS]

  house and I'm a mixed feelings about it [TS]

  uh how so well you know you know our [TS]

  house we have like two plugs in the [TS]

  house because it was built in 1904 [TS]

  one-electron city was powered by gas in [TS]

  1928 was powered by horses and and so we [TS]

  don't have a lot and we don't have a lot [TS]

  of counter space but my wife in her new [TS]

  job has become so taken with the keurig [TS]

  k-cup system [TS]

  oh it is a system isn't it yeah and I [TS]

  was kind of always just against because [TS]

  it seemed a little fancy to have a [TS]

  single let you know a piece of [TS]

  electronics is that big for doing one [TS]

  thing that takes up that much space but [TS]

  when it got one and takes up a lot of [TS]

  space but it's really good [TS]

  well as he was wrong though it makes a [TS]

  lot of waste like I just don't feel good [TS]

  about it but man it's a great cup of [TS]

  coffee in less than a minute [TS]

  it produces a ton of little used cups [TS]

  yeah but a you know what am I mean [TS]

  coffee problems is that I you know I was [TS]

  made aware several years ago a that [TS]

  coffee mold is not just the the major [TS]

  mold system that arrives on your coffee [TS]

  filter if you don't change it for two [TS]

  weeks [TS]

  mmm coffee mold is something that is [TS]

  that's present in it can be present in [TS]

  your coffee without you knowing about it [TS]

  like if it's like old beans or ground [TS]

  along i ride old beans or be a grind [TS]

  that's been sitting around coffee mold [TS]

  becomes becomes a presence and you're [TS]

  just sort of not you're not conscious of [TS]

  it but talk coffee mold is potentially [TS]

  bad for you could be toxic who knows but [TS]

  I am I'm always fighting a losing losing [TS]

  battle up over coffee mold because i [TS]

  don't i don't have a regular or [TS]

  predictable routine [TS]

  obviously this is reflected in your [TS]

  April scream exactly i mean you know it [TS]

  seems like you would have gone through [TS]

  that is like a half gallon or quart what [TS]

  is it will see what so here's what [TS]

  happens with the cream right there at [TS]

  April's cream sometime in June was [TS]

  determined by some one else who was [TS]

  cycling through my home to be too old [TS]

  because meet different people have [TS]

  different ideas about how old cream [TS]

  should be yeah and if it says expo [TS]

  expiration date jun 1 and it's June [TS]

  fifteenth well [TS]

  up certain slice of the population will [TS]

  go ahead and get another one right that [TS]

  see this is how they get you John this [TS]

  is a used to put expiration dates on [TS]

  things and it was an expiration date and [TS]

  you would say you you gotta eat the [TS]

  salami by december and like that was [TS]

  something we could all understand i [TS]

  think the sell-by date is all about the [TS]

  people who are selling its their [TS]

  convenience to head out on their sell it [TS]

  by right right but I am somebody who is [TS]

  who sees a sell-by date of june one on [TS]

  june fifteenth and I feel like right [TS]

  where right you know we're right in [TS]

  right in the strike zone here [TS]

  yeah but you know I I'm not in one [TS]

  hundred percent control my environment [TS]

  anymore huh [TS]

  so another cream appeared in my [TS]

  refrigerator and and frankly it was a it [TS]

  was a bigger cream and a newer cream and [TS]

  it coincided with the time that I was [TS]

  out of town so when i arrived back in [TS]

  town here's this big new cream [TS]

  look you know April's cream is is back [TS]

  in there somewhere with the you know the [TS]

  half empty container of Greek yogurt and [TS]

  three or four different mustards and and [TS]

  a box of Armand Hammer baking soda [TS]

  that's been there since 2007 and I [TS]

  honestly you know I just reach for the [TS]

  front cream in that case you know like [TS]

  i'm not i'm not so I'm not so like [TS]

  managing my my refrigerator contents [TS]

  that I'm like listen I'm gonna work my [TS]

  way through april screen before i move [TS]

  into this June cream o.o understand I'm [TS]

  just reaching in grabbing the top cream [TS]

  first screen and April scream just got [TS]

  pushed back i think there's probably you [TS]

  know probably a mustard like migrated in [TS]

  front and then it was back to but the [TS]

  thing was I what I do manage my [TS]

  refrigerator well enough to know it was [TS]

  in there [TS]

  uh-huh I knew it was there I just wasn't [TS]

  you know it like kind of like you I [TS]

  wasn't it at any point along the way was [TS]

  I ready to say like you know it's time [TS]

  to go in and and do the humane thing and [TS]

  have April screams go live on a farm [TS]

  and so here's what happened right you [TS]

  know the the main creams of which there [TS]

  have been for probably since then for [TS]

  forefront creams all got cycled through [TS]

  and then one day April scream just [TS]

  popped up [TS]

  I don't know how she did it she just you [TS]

  know there was some kind of refrigerator [TS]

  machination the mustard let their guard [TS]

  down for a second april' scream came to [TS]

  the fore and masqueraded as a new cream [TS]

  huh and now here I am and I don't know [TS]

  what's going to happen if i drink this [TS]

  cream today I don't know you know this [TS]

  is also the top of this is also the [TS]

  beginning a blackberry season here huh [TS]

  and so as you as you probably know [TS]

  blackberries please grow in abundance it [TS]

  precisely in all those areas where the [TS]

  pollution is the highest i didn't know [TS]

  that well it just seems like the only [TS]

  the the places where people let [TS]

  blackberries run riot are right next to [TS]

  the freeway right next to the you know [TS]

  right next to the train switching yard [TS]

  right next to the where they dump the [TS]

  unusable of gas and so you know you're [TS]

  always kind of out there in this out [TS]

  there on this you pull over to the side [TS]

  of the road you're gathering [TS]

  blackberries and you're having a [TS]

  wonderful time but you're conscious that [TS]

  they are covered with if they're all [TS]

  covered with the film [TS]

  uh-huh ok kind of environmental dander [TS]

  mm-hmm [TS]

  so you know I've been scarfing [TS]

  blackberries 2i x by this afternoon i [TS]

  could be in the hospital [TS]

  oh good hey I wasn't gonna say anything [TS]

  but the the tale that you're weaving [TS]

  here involves people scream you've got [TS]

  you've got coffee dander you got the [TS]

  coffee mold that has performance [TS]

  characteristics i don't think we've even [TS]

  begun to identify that's right that's [TS]

  right it could I could see through time [TS]

  if i have enough coffee mold iic now as [TS]

  soon as I hear about a new kind of [TS]

  dancer the first thing I think about is [TS]

  the toxic plasmosis [TS]

  mm ok more was the cat poop thing it's [TS]

  thing that makes people crazy [TS]

  sure you can't you you might remember [TS]

  when there was a child on the way you [TS]

  start reading lots of things that say be [TS]

  careful with the cats because you get [TS]

  toxoplasmosis that's really bad [TS]

  for babies that are in their mommy's [TS]

  tummy yeah we sent the cats to live with [TS]

  Aunt Martha when the baby was coming so [TS]

  you're not you're not above making a [TS]

  hard decision if you know that there's [TS]

  that there's a risk my daughters [TS]

  Mother's cats were the two most awful [TS]

  people I had ever met in my life [TS]

  they were one of them at some point as a [TS]

  young cat had some cognitive disconnect [TS]

  where the cat did not understand what [TS]

  hissing the role that hissing performed [TS]

  in a normal sort of social milia [TS]

  interesting it's a domestic cat it [TS]

  doesn't know all the signals uh either [TS]

  of being a wildcat or being a [TS]

  domesticated cat might have crossed [TS]

  wires [TS]

  yeah right so the cat I feel like enjoy [TS]

  it personally enjoy kissing but hissed [TS]

  at inappropriate times fists at people [TS]

  that knew well pissed at you know like [TS]

  came to you to be petted you pet you pat [TS]

  it you petted it and then it hit you and [TS]

  then it remained there to be petted more [TS]

  so it sounds like half the women I date [TS]

  in college hmm but uh but not only that [TS]

  but the cat had a you know when it's [TS]

  hissing it is it is propelling whiskers [TS]

  breath at you yeah you know so it's just [TS]

  it's hissing right in your face and it's [TS]

  just like the word the inside of this [TS]

  it's like inside of a cat smell yet on [TS]

  this thing that thing's not flossing [TS]

  look [TS]

  yeah so that cat was really bad and then [TS]

  the other cat I think suffered from [TS]

  Kitty malaise all I had a kind of [TS]

  feeling on we did it feel light on [TS]

  what's so sad John and so that cat [TS]

  didn't really care for itself didn't [TS]

  have a very high self esteem it didn't [TS]

  keep itself up and so the combination of [TS]

  these two cats are you know I was just [TS]

  like listen these catch [TS]

  I mean talk about go live on a farm [TS]

  these cats should go live in the sea [TS]

  and how she attached to them [TS]

  well you know people get attached to me [TS]

  that's probably the toxoplasmosis it [TS]

  gets into your brain [TS]

  yeah well I feel like that's absolutely [TS]

  true because there was you know there [TS]

  was just cat garbage in the air but also [TS]

  you know there's a little bit of [TS]

  Stockholm Syndrome happening there where [TS]

  you are held captive by these monsters [TS]

  and then you start to feel sympathetic [TS]

  to them huh yeah he's so nice to me [TS]

  yeah oh no he doesn't mean that he just [TS]

  blah i'm like the only only reason to [TS]

  keep a pet is that that pet is it is a [TS]

  companion and a friend to keep a pet who [TS]

  clearly wants to die is 22 no one favor [TS]

  and so but it turned out that Aunt [TS]

  Martha is a cat lover and was able to [TS]

  take these two cats and give them a [TS]

  happy life where the the the depressed [TS]

  cat started grooming itself again and [TS]

  the hissing cat I think lived on top of [TS]

  the refrigerator and was showered with [TS]

  love and at the end [TS]

  actually it was a it was a story where [TS]

  we're uh it had a happy ending we had a [TS]

  baby that did not suffer from [TS]

  toxoplasmosis and I never had to see [TS]

  those cats again there are numerous [TS]

  according to wikipedia notable cases of [TS]

  celebrities who have contracted [TS]

  toxoplasmosis tell me more gwyneth [TS]

  paltrow please check i don't see it here [TS]

  its sheep when she's right she's right [TS]

  in the sweet spot i would say winter [TS]

  thinking that we have seemed like yeah I [TS]

  I'm just glancing at this quickly I I [TS]

  don't want I don't want to get email [TS]

  about this i have heard it said it is [TS]

  said by some people [TS]

  turns out that this is what causes the [TS]

  big the cat lady thing because you know [TS]

  like there's a certain kind of like [TS]

  super interesting animals that can take [TS]

  over another animal and make you crazy [TS]

  stuff you know how you can get like a [TS]

  zombie and or something like that [TS]

  yeah supposedly the story goes out of [TS]

  this is exactly toxoplasmosis but part [TS]

  of the reason you become like somebody [TS]

  who has a lot of attractive cat dander [TS]

  in the house is that the toxoplasmosis [TS]

  is attacking someone [TS]

  of your brain that says hey it's okay [TS]

  for all this poop to make more [TS]

  toxoplasmosis and then you don't know it [TS]

  wow that's heavy was coming from inside [TS]

  the cat I see now i want to know how [TS]

  often when you say i don't want to get [TS]

  emails about this how often does that [TS]

  work [TS]

  I couldn't go like i can't say i guess [TS]

  uh I guess I want to email him i think [TS]

  people will talk to plasmosis will send [TS]

  a lot of emails i think that's a side [TS]

  effect of it [TS]

  this is super interesting there's 33 [TS]

  prominent athletes that have had Arthur [TS]

  Ashe the late great Arthur Ashe had [TS]

  toxoplasmosis [TS]

  hmm he later he later you know he had [TS]

  the AIDS but he developed neurological [TS]

  problems from toxoplasmosis with your [TS]

  arm [TS]

  martina navratilova so it's a tennis [TS]

  player this tennis problem or it might [TS]

  be it might be Sebastian Coe remember [TS]

  the guy who had the had the Union Jack [TS]

  on shorts the right right right you [TS]

  already had it and some other people [TS]

  Prince Francois the count of claremont [TS]

  returns pretender to the throne of [TS]

  France [TS]

  well sure I was just exchanging letters [TS]

  with him the other day his disability [TS]

  caused him to be overlooked in the line [TS]

  of succession it's not a shame [TS]

  wow really are using ensure wasn't [TS]

  simplistic it sounds like it could have [TS]

  been something more severe enjoy your [TS]

  captain's crap but I I feel like that up [TS]

  we had cats growing up when I really and [TS]

  my mom allowed cats [TS]

  well here's the thing we loved cats but [TS]

  we were both allergic to cats and we [TS]

  didn't know because allergy detection [TS]

  technologies and allergy and the you [TS]

  know and the cult of allergy had not yet [TS]

  entered into the American consciousness [TS]

  and so the fact that i had a chronic [TS]

  cough and fatigue my whole childhood was [TS]

  never attributed to anything other than [TS]

  a sickness or I don't know what other [TS]

  playing other cultural reasons to think [TS]

  the children were broken inside [TS]

  yep you didn't need science there to pop [TS]

  it up yeah and so it turned out later [TS]

  that you know i was sleeping with a cat [TS]

  on my chest my entire young life and I [TS]

  was allergic to them so I [TS]

  this so we don't we don't keep them [TS]

  anymore but but you know we were we work [TS]

  at three and we enjoyed cats for some [TS]

  reason I don't know my dad like that my [TS]

  mom liked them cats were sort of always [TS]

  present and i had i have to say i had a [TS]

  couple of great cats will you do pretty [TS]

  recently had a secret cat you have a [TS]

  secret that you didn't talk about it but [TS]

  you had a cat that you loved yeah I [TS]

  didn't like your heart [TS]

  yeah he did he did he got hit by car so [TS]

  and that was that was Louis and then in [TS]

  the pantheon of great cats i have to say [TS]

  Guido was a great cat you know there [TS]

  were some there were some support [TS]

  quality cats in there to my dad thought [TS]

  that my dad thought puppy was a good cat [TS]

  I never really bonded with puppy and [TS]

  then puppy died and dad got puppy too [TS]

  and the puppy to was a pretty good [TS]

  pretty good Mouser oh nice but not a [TS]

  real like not a real good dude but not a [TS]

  very personable guy he had a lot hit he [TS]

  felt like he had a job to do [TS]

  tippy was a good cat flaky was a flaky [TS]

  cat and then all learning so much you [TS]

  know all the way back to mel mel one of [TS]

  the original great cats my mom and my [TS]

  mom and dad talked about a symbol [TS]

  Jacobian Tiffany Michelle their two cats [TS]

  from the sixties they talked about those [TS]

  cats until until my dad passed away it [TS]

  was good still sit around and talk about [TS]

  simple Jacoby and Tiffany Michelle the [TS]

  great names who would ride on the bat [TS]

  they would jump up on the back of my [TS]

  folks borzoi manouschka and ride around [TS]

  and their dog they would follow [TS]

  manouschka around the neighborhood like [TS]

  a like a little pack of elephants but [TS]

  enough listen enough about my family's [TS]

  cat history no cats now we are presently [TS]

  catless I just sent you a link in the in [TS]

  the robot we met a cat weekend before [TS]

  last and I don't think of myself as a [TS]

  cat person i'm not anti cat as much as [TS]

  it might sound like I am but I i under [TS]

  stand that as a not active pet person [TS]

  it's a big step to get an animal and [TS]

  bring it in the house yeah and look at [TS]

  that cat that's midget that is really an [TS]

  extraordinary face [TS]

  yeah it's got a little dirty tone and [TS]

  that is a Persian cat that had just been [TS]

  shaved except for its head and basically [TS]

  i was at these peoples house and I was [TS]

  kind of avoiding my family and I looked [TS]

  out the front window and I saw something [TS]

  that looked like a teacup lion up front [TS]

  it was so tiny and so cute and so weird [TS]

  and so looking like it was near death [TS]

  and i instantly bonded with midget who [TS]

  is you see in the caption i'm referring [TS]

  to here is the world's most interesting [TS]

  cat midget lets you hold her and she [TS]

  licks you because you can't put your [TS]

  tongue back in your mouth and he [TS]

  shouldn't girl electrical from but I I I [TS]

  didn't want to say this in front of my [TS]

  family but like I was like I want this [TS]

  cat likes you ever decide cuz these [TS]

  people had two dogs and three cats and I [TS]

  was like if you ever want to unload this [TS]

  cat you know let's talk [TS]

  yes so there are some potential [TS]

  high-level talks going on about maybe [TS]

  bring midget into our life is pretty old [TS]

  but look at that face [TS]

  it's a great face yeah it's a great face [TS]

  it's a very you know yeah it's over it's [TS]

  a it's over used to describe a creature [TS]

  like that as Muppet like but it is very [TS]

  Muppet like a hundred percent it looks [TS]

  like it's jim henson project [TS]

  yep yep yep it is something that they [TS]

  modeled Muppets after but i know that [TS]

  feeling of seeing a little creature and [TS]

  I want your cat and saying like oh this [TS]

  creature belongs with me because it's [TS]

  pretty cool first knowledge on [TS]

  everything you're describing you kind of [TS]

  want an animal and this exactly the kind [TS]

  of thing somebody who doesn't own pets [TS]

  would say excuse me companion on pets [TS]

  would say is is that is that it's [TS]

  pre-qualified like I know right I know [TS]

  this is a cool cat [TS]

  Yeah right right if you just use driving [TS]

  to trader joes and somebody's a free [TS]

  sign means you don't know what you're in [TS]

  for [TS]

  that's right get pretty idea what you're [TS]

  in for but you know but in this case [TS]

  this is a pre-qualified cool cat that [TS]

  likes to lick you how cute is that [TS]

  well and the the problem with a with [TS]

  cats for me is that [TS]

  you know the the kitten does not denote [TS]

  the cat haha oh oh my goodness if you [TS]

  know what I'm saying I oh I think that's [TS]

  true i think that's true it's a species [TS]

  beyond beyond that species i think [TS]

  that's the thing the kitchen does not [TS]

  denote the cat [TS]

  yeah and so I have seen a lot of cute [TS]

  kittens that became pretty uncute cats [TS]

  and I i would like if I'm going to look [TS]

  at a little face all the time and have [TS]

  that little face look up at me [TS]

  pleadingly one thing its whiskers and [TS]

  that little face greet me every morning [TS]

  I would like to like that face I do not [TS]

  want to face that that that I would not [TS]

  choose and when you choose a kitten [TS]

  you're like oh Babu and then turns into [TS]

  this sort of grotesquerie but it's like [TS]

  no you know what i mean like you you can [TS]

  there's nature and there's nurture let's [TS]

  be honest there's only so much you can [TS]

  do to make it to you know to make a cap [TS]

  that is destined to be a jerk into into [TS]

  a good a good pal you know it only when [TS]

  you get a kid [TS]

  there's a lot of biological stuff going [TS]

  on where you feel a certain you feel [TS]

  compelled to try and move things around [TS]

  your schedule to make sure it doesn't [TS]

  die [TS]

  yes like with a cat i don't i think for [TS]

  some people like that i know i would [TS]

  have to manufacture a lot there are [TS]

  points when I have to manufacture a lot [TS]

  of care not that not only sound uncaring [TS]

  I'm trying to be realistic [TS]

  it's like those idiots to go out and buy [TS]

  an Easter Bunny or a turtle or something [TS]

  have no idea what they're getting into [TS]

  you know what i mean that's that's the [TS]

  trouble ninja turtles have what they [TS]

  have they've got the they've got the [TS]

  well was stuff you get from a bad meat [TS]

  oh good for trichinosis know it's pork i [TS]

  think but you know if the one they get [TS]

  the Salmonella you get someone from a [TS]

  turtle [TS]

  I thought that was from chickens and [TS]

  eggs I could have a pet chicken i would [TS]

  enjoy these people these people also [TS]

  chickens and therefore chickens at the [TS]

  house that they did they sound like [TS]

  chicken owners [TS]

  hi I'm I do not [TS]

  I you know I had a cat after Lewis I [TS]

  tried to replace Luis with another cat [TS]

  and all these cats you know they come to [TS]

  me you know by hook or by crook I don't [TS]

  know it's not like I go to the pound and [TS]

  choose cats but like cats show up and I [TS]

  and a second cat arrived and i think it [TS]

  was that somebody was trying to somebody [TS]

  was trying to make my my pain over Lewis [TS]

  go away [TS]

  ok and so this second cat arrived and [TS]

  the second cat was ok but I think had [TS]

  been weaned too early or incorrectly you [TS]

  know you can be weaned incorrectly I [TS]

  mean people like that all the time just [TS]

  got torn away little too just like clip [TS]

  hey i was using that wait a minute [TS]

  and so this catches didn't you know and [TS]

  and overtime my good friend Eric course [TS]

  and bass player the long winters would [TS]

  come around in the and eric and the cat [TS]

  had a good rapport and then I was going [TS]

  out of town as I care if you want to [TS]

  watch the cat he was like yeah and then [TS]

  I just never went back and got the cat [TS]

  that sounds like that sounds like a nice [TS]

  nice way for that and out [TS]

  yeah and I think Eric and the cat still [TS]

  have a good relationship and and our [TS]

  clothes and and I never have to see the [TS]

  cat and and we had everybody wins [TS]

  but I mean I lived with that cat for for [TS]

  a year maybe [TS]

  Wow with no with a never really feel I [TS]

  mean we were sharing a space together [TS]

  but we were not sharing a place together [TS]

  oh yeah [TS]

  the rotten milk in my coffee is really [TS]

  it's really making me sentimental yeah [TS]

  well I who knows who knows what's [TS]

  causing that I remember a job I had one [TS]

  time hearing on Monday morning I i hear [TS]

  a a man scream down the hallway and we [TS]

  all gathered round because he was the [TS]

  least intelligent people working there [TS]

  and he got himself a fresh cup of coffee [TS]

  with some cream in it but he erroneously [TS]

  grabbed the coffee from friday that was [TS]

  on his desk [TS]

  no fridays coffee yet fridays coffee [TS]

  took a big slug of it and had fried ice [TS]

  cream in it and he was a sad little man [TS]

  oh it's been sitting on the counter the [TS]

  whole time yeah that's not even in the [TS]

  fridge that's bad [TS]

  blue did I ever tell you about the time [TS]

  I left a cup of coffee in the in the [TS]

  garden [TS]

  no I left a cup of coffee in the garden [TS]

  and I came back a couple of days later [TS]

  and a bird had fallen into it and I [TS]

  don't know how or why I don't know why [TS]

  she swallowed a fly but she died in my [TS]

  coffee cup was it wasn't a cup that you [TS]

  liked [TS]

  well i mean i still use the cup good get [TS]

  you later thank you you honor the bird [TS]

  but i had to you know on under the bird [TS]

  honor the bird story like what i did was [TS]

  i I washed out the cup and that was no [TS]

  easy thing I dumped the coffee I dumped [TS]

  the Moldy coffee bird in the yard waste [TS]

  maybe the compost i'm not sure which i'm [TS]

  not sure which been which of Seattle's [TS]

  many bins got the Moldy coffee bird but [TS]

  then I went in I gave it a give the cup [TS]

  of good scrub and then I put it back in [TS]

  rotation and now I swear to you I could [TS]

  not tell you which one it was I could be [TS]

  drinking out of it now [TS]

  yeah that's the dream mhm mhm butBut [TS]

  trying to picture what was happening in [TS]

  a bird's life was like huh look at that [TS]

  I wonder what that is i'm gonna go perch [TS]

  on the edges of that mug [TS]

  yeah and then like birds totally lose [TS]

  our footing how did the bird end up in [TS]

  the I don't know he had a little bit [TS]

  curious right drop down and then [TS]

  couldn't get out [TS]

  yeah whatever I was like a little bird I [TS]

  mean little enough to fall into a beer [TS]

  style you wouldn't want you just say I [TS]

  want to state the obvious but you would [TS]

  not want that to be a crow [TS]

  no it wasn't an eagle to drink got a [TS]

  pretty big cups but uh but not as a [TS]

  brother would fit in a cup but it's you [TS]

  know there are a few there are a few [TS]

  private tragedies that I've had [TS]

  involving things creatures over the [TS]

  years / / palma almost 50 years in may [TS]

  in American life over for me and a few [TS]

  of them have just have always remained [TS]

  private right there just there a few [TS]

  those few times when you come upon a you [TS]

  come upon a noble stag in the forest and [TS]

  you felt him with a handmade bow and [TS]

  arrow [TS]

  you never talk about those things with [TS]

  anyone else no I never got a chance to [TS]

  put his head in your lap no it's just [TS]

  it's just the thing that doesn't come up [TS]

  in conversation and if you're sitting at [TS]

  a party and somebody says have you ever [TS]

  felt this tag you just kind of don't [TS]

  answer [TS]

  look out the window and just sort of [TS]

  it's not a story that you want to tell [TS]

  we've we've had two recently deal with [TS]

  the the state of little things lately [TS]

  and it's hard it's hard [TS]

  my daughter found a a robin's egg and [TS]

  put it back in the nest about a month [TS]

  ago and she's really excited cause it [TS]

  still hasn't hatched [TS]

  haha oh and what she's saying you know [TS]

  she's like she's pretty sure it takes at [TS]

  least a month for an egg to hatch and I [TS]

  was like I you know what do you say we I [TS]

  mean you know you know she's if it was [TS]

  just any any egg in a nest i would say [TS]

  well you know there's probably fucking [TS]

  dead but like she has some ownership [TS]

  some investment in that it's a project [TS]

  she rescued [TS]

  yeah and then the other day we went to [TS]

  the garage to check the mail and there [TS]

  was a mouse in a glue trap struggling [TS]

  row [TS]

  yeah and I mean I i I'm I'm I don't mind [TS]

  seeing my sleep I did when I was a kid [TS]

  but a key and animals struggling in a [TS]

  glue trap to where it has flipped a foot [TS]

  from where the trap had been it was [TS]

  really tiny it was like maybe an inch [TS]

  and a half [TS]

  long and that's no good no not she's [TS]

  probably scarred but it's like what am I [TS]

  going to say it's either that or have a [TS]

  garage full of mice your pic yeah right [TS]

  one things you know things to die mean [TS]

  the thing with the egg I don't know [TS]

  where you guys are on the Santa Claus [TS]

  continuum but I think you just go up [TS]

  there in the night he grabbed that egg [TS]

  you get rid of it that was perfect [TS]

  burden that when she looks for you said [TS]

  like oh the bird has influenced I used [TS]

  to be really good at that I used to be [TS]

  good at like really basic [TS]

  sleight-of-hand to make her think things [TS]

  are magic this the Santa Claus continuum [TS]

  is tough right now because I i don't [TS]

  know i could feel I think we're at that [TS]

  age where at that age where she's [TS]

  probably got some pretty specific [TS]

  concerns [TS]

  it's probably been some dickhead at [TS]

  school that's already spoiled it for her [TS]

  there's always one but uh where do you [TS]

  stand on Santa if you even if you're [TS]

  comfortable saying um you know my i do [TS]

  not have a I don't have any political [TS]

  feelings about Santa and I don't have [TS]

  you know i don't have a stand on the [TS]

  Santa you don't have like a hum a [TS]

  moralistic stake in the ground about the [TS]

  consequences of Santa right like some [TS]

  people have very strong feelings about [TS]

  say they do they do and I don't you know [TS]

  i'm not i'm not here saying like I will [TS]

  never lie to my child I used to think [TS]

  that and if you say Santa is real then [TS]

  you're just setting them up for a [TS]

  lifetime of not trusting people like I [TS]

  understand that logic heading causing a [TS]

  child to be born does that even better [TS]

  exactly but like I don't have that stand [TS]

  but nor am I sitting on my like like my [TS]

  my gilded tortoise or my magic footstool [TS]

  and saying the magic of Santa and [TS]

  Christmas something that I wouldn't deny [TS]

  my child and I didn't you know that lab [TS]

  lab lab like yeah I guess the magic of [TS]

  Christmas sure [TS]

  thus far Santa to her is just one in a [TS]

  one-of-a palapa liave bearded men who [TS]

  wear all red because her father is one [TS]

  of those two you know like Slater jolly [TS]

  bearded guys in [TS]

  funny hats who i'm not even sure she [TS]

  maybe she has made entirely made the [TS]

  connection that Santa brings presents [TS]

  she said she doesn't talk about [TS]

  Christmas I mean honestly the other day [TS]

  she was walking around the house with a [TS]

  little Christmas present in her hand and [TS]

  by little I mean a size of a matchbox [TS]

  and I said where did you find that and [TS]

  she said it was over there on the dining [TS]

  room table with the Christmas [TS]

  decorations and I looked and on my [TS]

  dining room table there is still a an [TS]

  advent calendar a crash and a stuffed [TS]

  Santa Claus that apparently had a couple [TS]

  of small presence at his feet [TS]

  that's been there since Christmas it's [TS]

  been there the whole time and I just [TS]

  stopped seeing it with my eyes though [TS]

  because i had other things going on [TS]

  uh-huh and I was like hmm i'm not sure [TS]

  what I mean I'm pretty sure that that [TS]

  doesn't say amazing things about me as a [TS]

  as like a is like a at idea or a person [TS]

  who is living a particularly organized [TS]

  life and then I went over to the [TS]

  fireplace to make sure that the [TS]

  stockings were still hanging and they [TS]

  weren't but she found a present a [TS]

  Christmas present and was carrying it [TS]

  around and and and then she like [TS]

  attached it to a fork somehow and was [TS]

  calling it a piece of cake [TS]

  so she was off on her own thing but but [TS]

  I had I had a real moment of pause [TS]

  realizing that I've been looking at an [TS]

  advent calendar for six months and had [TS]

  just and it had just turned into another [TS]

  piece of another sort of little piece of [TS]

  flotsam I mean it's not a small thing [TS]

  it's nothing big [TS]

  now I know but like you get me thinking [TS]

  I just who will be so convenient if we [TS]

  could choose and fully understand our [TS]

  own forms of madness but then I guess [TS]

  that would be madness part part part of [TS]

  what makes it madness is we either don't [TS]

  know about it or don't understand [TS]

  and it was the madness that we think we [TS]

  know about are comfortable with and [TS]

  that's crazy enough but then the other [TS]

  stuff we were like hmm i wonder if I'm [TS]

  out of my mind [TS]

  mm and I I think that sometimes we're [TS]

  all and then look for some reason have [TS]

  you ever seen a movie called Synecdoche [TS]

  New York yes which I find a very [TS]

  effective movie but I talked about this [TS]

  and another show but like that movie had [TS]

  a huge impact on me because I realize [TS]

  like how much of what [TS]

  kayden it goes through in that movie I [TS]

  felt feels like something that I thought [TS]

  was peculiar to me of like suddenly [TS]

  going oh no that actually happened 10 [TS]

  years ago and you're not exactly crazy [TS]

  don't exactly think that it's whatever [TS]

  1996 now or something but you could [TS]

  easily go like I'm in my case like we [TS]

  are little diner down the street that [TS]

  you've been to they give out a little [TS]

  stick-on calendar [TS]

  you know those little calendars with a [TS]

  little tear off calendar yeah and i have [TS]

  one of those over my my clothing [TS]

  dressing area from 2012 and it didn't [TS]

  occur to me that like not only had I not [TS]

  taking this down since july two thousand [TS]

  twelve but I hadn't bothered to rip it [TS]

  off since something like August 2012 [TS]

  mhm and just kept sitting there and then [TS]

  that started dogging me like what why [TS]

  why is this here why did I why am i not [TS]

  changing this why am i why is this still [TS]

  here and why has it not bothered me [TS]

  until three years later [TS]

  why did you notice it three years later [TS]

  I mean if I i have to say like if that [TS]

  little Christmas present hadn't gotten [TS]

  repurposed as a piece of cake [TS]

  yeah I'm not sure whether I would have [TS]

  noticed these Christmas decorations [TS]

  until it was time to decorate for [TS]

  Christmas and I was like oh look look we [TS]

  already have a little still life here [TS]

  that's been here the entire time you got [TS]

  a little nativity just sitting there huh [TS]

  yeah Don crash my wife cause a crash [TS]

  yeah I mean it's not I mean know what [TS]

  what what what Christmas decorations are [TS]

  to me I guess is like another it's [TS]

  another couple of bins of sentimental [TS]

  sentimental jetsam stuff that I've [TS]

  looked at my whole life that I go like I [TS]

  remember when that advent calendar [TS]

  really mattered to me and every day I [TS]

  couldn't wait to open another little [TS]

  door [TS]

  uh-huh in the in the [TS]

  endless march to christmas i was like [TS]

  the longest month ever just like oh it [TS]

  is the 14th are you kidding me come on [TS]

  and you open the little door and there's [TS]

  a little you know and it's a advent [TS]

  calendar from Germany that was made in [TS]

  1954 and so there's a little boy and [TS]

  later hosen behind the door and he's you [TS]

  know and he's holding up sugar plum you [TS]

  go [TS]

  I don't know what any of these I don't [TS]

  know what any of this imagery means and [TS]

  I don't know why germany in the fifties [TS]

  so completely colonized my childhood [TS]

  Christmas right like I knew the lyrics [TS]

  to o Tannenbaum and never understood [TS]

  never it made the connection that that [TS]

  was the same song as o Christmas tree [TS]

  alright same school why did the Germans [TS]

  have such a lock on on on Christmas [TS]

  particularly post-war Germany where [TS]

  would you know made in west germany [TS]

  that's what that says Christmas to me [TS]

  made in west germany feels more [TS]

  authentic it very much does right to [TS]

  feel the old country so i don't know [TS]

  so but but in in terms of like Santa and [TS]

  the tree and the and the business and [TS]

  whether or not whether or not we say [TS]

  like Santa's coming down the chimney so [TS]

  get in your room like I I honestly have [TS]

  not picked aside and I feel like I feel [TS]

  like not picking aside um my daughter is [TS]

  already knows that I am pretty [TS]

  half-hearted about most American [TS]

  traditions most you know like just most [TS]

  sort of like holidays like a big [TS]

  celebrator of holidays not at all [TS]

  yeah I feel bad about on the same way so [TS]

  it's like here comes easter boy we had [TS]

  some eggs you don't feel compelled like [TS]

  we just had what we had the fourth of [TS]

  July before that we had excuse me [TS]

  Independence Day couple months ago we [TS]

  had memorial day you know November [TS]

  veterans day and it's like I i don't i [TS]

  don't feel compelled to explain those [TS]

  distinctions and why they're special [TS]

  it's really mostly a day off and I feel [TS]

  bad about that [TS]

  well yeah and I mean it's a good way to [TS]

  mark your your your progress [TS]

  a year so it's already the fourth of [TS]

  July well let's go [TS]

  hey but I'm you know wow [TS]

  when when when that when we were before [TS]

  before the baby was born all the [TS]

  conversations that we had with [TS]

  pediatricians and with with the all the [TS]

  books that we read about how to raise a [TS]

  baby you know he you know there's a baby [TS]

  on the way and so everybody runs to the [TS]

  library and gets all the how to raise a [TS]

  baby books you study them and they're [TS]

  all contradictory and and none of them [TS]

  make sense really and and some of them [TS]

  make it seem like this is a matter of [TS]

  desperate importance and some of them [TS]

  make it seem like oh it'll be fine but [TS]

  they all they all kind of agreed and [TS]

  people lectured me a lot about routine [TS]

  children love routine they want they [TS]

  want routine they want the same things [TS]

  at the same time and that gives them [TS]

  that gives them a feeling of safety and [TS]

  it you know it makes them feel secure [TS]

  and that is kind of the nurturing life [TS]

  that they need to grow up to be [TS]

  productive and healthy members of the [TS]

  banking community and i remember reading [TS]

  those books and talking to those [TS]

  pediatricians and saying I do not have [TS]

  any kind of routine or any capability of [TS]

  maintaining a routine so i have two [TS]

  choices i can either accept your framing [TS]

  in which case I'm i already fear for my [TS]

  unborn child's future [TS]

  almost almost seems not to put too fine [TS]

  a point on it almost seems doomed doomed [TS]

  right side it's something you've if it's [TS]

  something that you've got to learn from [TS]

  scratch it's gonna be pretty tough to do [TS]

  on a day-to-day basis [TS]

  yeah right i have never I mean some [TS]

  weeks i make coffee every morning some [TS]

  weeks the coffee mold takes over the [TS]

  entire like northeast corner of the [TS]

  house and and I don't have a it's [TS]

  inexplicable to me why that's true and [TS]

  you know i have tried to take vitamins [TS]

  and I have made it [TS]

  10 days before I just stopped taking [TS]

  vitamins i just stopped remembering them [TS]

  i did the seven-minute workout for about [TS]

  I would I would go as far as to say 14 [TS]

  days I did the seven-minute workout [TS]

  before one day I didn't and that was it [TS]

  and that was the end didn't just bounce [TS]

  back the next day I just was just like [TS]

  oh oh I missed a day [TS]

  let's get back on the train like I have [TS]

  never successfully gotten back on the [TS]

  train I get off the train [TS]

  often in the woods and then I'm [TS]

  bushwhackin again and that's my natural [TS]

  state so it what I chose to do was [TS]

  refused to accept the idea that a child [TS]

  without a child will refuse to accept [TS]

  the idea that a child needs routine and [TS]

  instead like found maybe it like a [TS]

  different a different layer of routine [TS]

  yeah i mean like that's like I see her [TS]

  every day like that is our routine it's [TS]

  you know that I'm sorry I don't mean to [TS]

  be going off here but like first of all [TS]

  there's a lot of great stuff in books [TS]

  there's a lot of great advice that [TS]

  exists in the world [TS]

  the trouble is that the advice that you [TS]

  get from people who are professionals [TS]

  and people who are professionals [TS]

  i think is mostly advice that is [TS]

  tendered to make you think better of [TS]

  them and to make them feel good about [TS]

  the decisions they've made whether or [TS]

  not they're particularly great but [TS]

  whatever version they tell you of their [TS]

  life which is usually put down the most [TS]

  strict possible way like it's always [TS]

  going to be this way and that's how I've [TS]

  had such success like that's the and [TS]

  then you get books and the thing is for [TS]

  a book to be a book it has to have a big [TS]

  point and then driving home all the time [TS]

  and say there's going to be a [TS]

  catastrophe if you don't do it this way [TS]

  all the time which which is very [TS]

  unrealistic and cause you just want to [TS]

  go and read more books you know if [TS]

  you're susceptible that kind of thing so [TS]

  I mean I don't have a super strong [TS]

  position on like how that shakes out to [TS]

  success or not but i dunno i feel that [TS]

  pressure of like you know any of these [TS]

  dumb books that have you know as a [TS]

  branding or marketing point have this [TS]

  here's the one big thing that you need [TS]

  to know in your case like it's like talk [TS]

  so Kat plasmosis [TS]

  yeah but in self-help books how's that [TS]

  you have a plant the little uh they [TS]

  plant a little seed they kept a little [TS]

  seed wear something more books [TS]

  yeah and like I don't know maybe I'm [TS]

  just as dumb as i seem but like I think [TS]

  I think there's a distinction to be made [TS]

  to was the phrase you used than a [TS]

  hammock banana mhm [TS]

  well there's a difference between like [TS]

  was aboard you use it to describe what [TS]

  you're never gonna have a routine [TS]

  routine like I think there's a diff [TS]

  there can be important differences [TS]

  between a routine and between [TS]

  consistency [TS]

  okay i think because here's the problem [TS]

  and I think this gets to something that [TS]

  people don't like talking about which is [TS]

  that people like to think that if they [TS]

  buy into a system and then do it doggy [TS]

  Glee I eat everything will probably turn [TS]

  out fine and even if it doesn't there's [TS]

  probably a reason that can be fixed [TS]

  because i want to do is go back to the [TS]

  book and read it and like I think what [TS]

  they're avoiding is the fact that you're [TS]

  kind of a little fucked all the time [TS]

  when you're a parent you're always [TS]

  behind you're always you're always not [TS]

  doing as much as you could and there is [TS]

  a very natural inclination to feel like [TS]

  wow I'm really not well suited for this [TS]

  and so you know do you believe that or [TS]

  not but like I think the the angle to [TS]

  add to that that's important is that [TS]

  when you think about routine vs [TS]

  consistency like okay if you got a [TS]

  routine that you're constantly stressing [TS]

  over and that you're making your child [TS]

  feel like where everything is a constant [TS]

  potential catastrophe because you're not [TS]

  at the bus at 90 5am like I my concern [TS]

  there is that if you can do that routine [TS]

  and be consistent and everybody's pretty [TS]

  content with that routine that's a good [TS]

  thing i think the problem is if you try [TS]

  to instill something in your kid that [TS]

  you don't basically have in yourself [TS]

  you're setting up a lot of potential a [TS]

  lot of potential disasters [TS]

  whereas if you're consistent like here's [TS]

  what you can consistently expect out of [TS]

  me [TS]

  interactive attitude and comportment and [TS]

  how things importantly how things good [TS]

  how I how I am when things don't go well [TS]

  like that's what I want to get good at [TS]

  what i want to get good at is being like [TS]

  the person who handles that stuff in [TS]

  stride well one right before right [TS]

  before she was born [TS]

  we decided that that we needed a wagon a [TS]

  uh-uh [TS]

  a car automotive wagon yeah because you [TS]

  got to carry the you know inner tubes [TS]

  and stuff or whatever it is that you do [TS]

  when you're a parent and so we drove [TS]

  over to mercer island which is the kind [TS]

  of upscale neighborhood because somebody [TS]

  was selling a passat wagon and we [TS]

  arrived at the house which was a nice [TS]

  sort of house out in the woods of mercer [TS]

  island and there was a family their mom [TS]

  and dad yo you know our age and they had [TS]

  to toddler age kids 1412 I think and a [TS]

  brand-new baby that was like one day old [TS]

  and they were selling their prasad [TS]

  because with the arrival of the third [TS]

  kid they now had you gonna upgrade [TS]

  yeah they now we're at suburban level of [TS]

  a of card need and so they were getting [TS]

  ready to get rid of the little car which [TS]

  was going to be the big car for our [TS]

  little family of one baby on the way and [TS]

  so we were sitting around and we like to [TS]

  the mother very much we're chatting and [TS]

  like the dad and the kids are running [TS]

  around and and the and we were [TS]

  fascinated by this one day old baby like [TS]

  wow look at this because we were buying [TS]

  this car just a couple of days before [TS]

  our daughter was do it was like that's a [TS]

  brand new baby like our babies are about [TS]

  the same age they're gonna be the same [TS]

  age when this but our baby is born and [TS]

  wow look at it's right there and the [TS]

  baby was crying and fussing and we were [TS]

  like so are you know is it up all night [TS]

  or what's the story and the mother very [TS]

  confidently said well you know this [TS]

  weekend and and you know I took next [TS]

  week off from work so for the next week [TS]

  or so yeah we're going to be like up in [TS]

  the middle of the night and stuff but [TS]

  then the baby's gonna have to get on our [TS]

  schedule and we were both like woe and [TS]

  she just said it like so like yep and [TS]

  then the baby's gonna have to you know [TS]

  babes going to figure it out and it [TS]

  absolutely blew our minds we do you [TS]

  think it was realistic [TS]

  oh I mean she had two kids yeah she was [TS]

  always something and she had people over [TS]

  by a car that day after she had a kid [TS]

  yeah right i'm daniel that's the part [TS]

  that's really telling and she was run [TS]

  the show and I was just like this idea [TS]

  that a one week old baby is going to get [TS]

  on your schedule and you're not going to [TS]

  be a slave to it it's not going to wake [TS]

  you up in the middle of the night you're [TS]

  gonna wake it up in the middle of the [TS]

  night it was like profound you know and [TS]

  incompetent in contrast like the only [TS]

  thing my daughter knows for sure is that [TS]

  the first day of seventh grade we are [TS]

  driving to mexico in a stolen Jeep like [TS]

  that's the only thing that's the only [TS]

  thing on horizon the cheek account and [TS]

  you know and and and so far she seems [TS]

  you know she seems fine with it i'm not [TS]

  sure if she believed she will ever [TS]

  believe in Santa Claus or the Easter [TS]

  Bunny or even know what those things are [TS]

  important because she still hasn't seen [TS]

  a movie we watched a couple at at your [TS]

  recommendation and Hodgins [TS]

  recommendation we sat down and watched a [TS]

  couple of adventure times she's a little [TS]

  young for adventure time she is yeah and [TS]

  but i'm not i was wrong but really I was [TS]

  like oh my god I'm so happy [TS]

  what is going on in this mushroom trip [TS]

  of a cartoon is kind of know what you [TS]

  expect right [TS]

  no i really i really enjoyed it and I [TS]

  looked forward to the time when she was [TS]

  eight years old and wants to Delft back [TS]

  into adventure time and you know and and [TS]

  go through that world or whatever you [TS]

  were you watching it and if i'm [TS]

  understanding you're watching it too [TS]

  kind of like check it out to see if it [TS]

  might be something that your shower [TS]

  yeah i mean almost everything that she [TS]

  has ever seen on a screen has has sort [TS]

  of come about as a result of either [TS]

  going over to a friend's house where the [TS]

  friend is watching frozen for the 40th [TS]

  time and Marlowe will kind of sit next [TS]

  to her friend for a while and watch some [TS]

  portion of frozen but she gets you know [TS]

  she her attention can't stay on it you [TS]

  know like it will come to a song and [TS]

  then Marlo you shall want to get up and [TS]

  sing however or i will say I'm depriving [TS]

  my child of this rich culture our [TS]

  which it encyclopedia of video culture [TS]

  and and I'll and I'll start to feel bad [TS]

  and i'll say i need to show her some [TS]

  things on the on TV because there's so [TS]

  much wonderful stuff on TV and so you [TS]

  know that's how i introduced to mr [TS]

  Rogers and she likes mr. Rogers nice we [TS]

  watch some some like British children's [TS]

  television programs from the seventies [TS]

  just because we like hearing them talk [TS]

  usually they involve like like the main [TS]

  characters of a man made out of a button [TS]

  and up and a soup can because those were [TS]

  those were hard times in England and [TS]

  production values were very low so [TS]

  button moon is one which is is really [TS]

  like it's an amazing show i highly [TS]

  recommend it's just there's a narrators [TS]

  like here comes mr. spoon [TS]

  he's wearing a hat and it's a spoon with [TS]

  a with a like a UH played on its head [TS]

  was right there on the 10 and you're [TS]

  like wow I like that little while this [TS]

  show really i mean yes you they don't [TS]

  even bother concealing the fact that [TS]

  they are controlling all the characters [TS]

  with like popsicle sticks but then i'll [TS]

  say like let's try adventure time let's [TS]

  try powerpuff girls let's try we watched [TS]

  a Mary Poppins and in general she just [TS]

  um you know I told you we watch dumbo it [TS]

  was it traumatized us both [TS]

  yeah but in general it's not it's it's [TS]

  not a because i don't i don't have a lot [TS]

  of time watching stuff it's not it's not [TS]

  part of her culture either great she [TS]

  does like the ones that feeds into that [TS]

  kind of the consistency thing [TS]

  yeah right she we have decided that [TS]

  watching tap dancing videos is one of [TS]

  the things that we both enjoy and the [TS]

  other day we were what we're watching [TS]

  tap dancing videos and we came upon one [TS]

  where [TS]

  some tap guys and some Riverdance guys [TS]

  well we're having a tap off and boy I i [TS]

  think i could watch it again right now I [TS]

  love me a little river dance video who [TS]

  it was it was tapped guys and Riverdance [TS]

  guys and the tap guys had a at a man [TS]

  with a fedora and a saxophone and the [TS]

  Riverdance guys had a redditor haired [TS]

  girl with a violin and so they were like [TS]

  trading licks and treatment aplex I [TS]

  think everybody agreed that one of the [TS]

  american-style tap-dance guys was like a [TS]

  pretty tough to beat [TS]

  but the head Riverdance guy i don't know [TS]

  he had some of the agents grants guy i [TS]

  don't think so i think these were you [TS]

  know these were younger Riverdance guys [TS]

  huh was he knows young guy young guys [TS]

  giving each other a little bit of the [TS]

  old razzmatazz booze but uh but yes you [TS]

  can be good for things like that [TS]

  oh I mean you just tap dance videos mind [TS]

  watching watching for a thousand years [TS]

  get a little bit of Shirley Temple you [TS]

  get a little bit of a get a little bit [TS]

  of like a the cast from Fame you know [TS]

  get a slight a real slice of American [TS]

  history huh sounds like she's this is [TS]

  something she doesn't feel like she's [TS]

  missing anything [TS]

  oh no I mean I was always worried that [TS]

  that that she was going to come to me [TS]

  one day and just be like videos [TS]

  what have you been doing why have you [TS]

  been depriving me of these magical [TS]

  things and so the first few times I [TS]

  showed her videos [TS]

  I you know I was watching very carefully [TS]

  we're looking at our eyes to see if [TS]

  there was some and I mean obviously she [TS]

  was delighted by the moving pictures but [TS]

  there was there was there wasn't any [TS]

  moment where we're uh some switch was [TS]

  flipped wear this with thistle [TS]

  incredible world of a video production [TS]

  was you know did she never wanted to [TS]

  dive in it was always another [TS]

  in the course of a day like oh and then [TS]

  we'll watch that for 15 minutes and then [TS]

  we'll go you know and then we'll go pull [TS]

  of pedals off a flower whatever [TS]

  ok so so yeah I know but it still may [TS]

  happen you know she maybe she maybe [TS]

  seven years old before she decides if [TS]

  you know what it's probably going to be [TS]

  virtual reality [TS]

  well that's an interesting point she's [TS]

  gonna put a VR headset on and she be [TS]

  like wait a minute [TS]

  nooope I don't have to stand around this [TS]

  stupid world anymore i can go into this [TS]

  other world our friend adjuster kisa on [TS]

  the show we do has said in the past and [TS]

  stuff that makes me think that he's more [TS]

  in the nature versus nurture camp which [TS]

  I would never have thought myself to be [TS]

  in the camp of but the more i think [TS]

  about it the more I see evidence that [TS]

  that can tend to be true [TS]

  once you start looking for it put [TS]

  differently it's not so surprising that [TS]

  something that you both of the parents [TS]

  are really into become something the [TS]

  kids are really into em conversely so [TS]

  not just because the fortune star wars [TS]

  down their throat but conversely [TS]

  something that the parents just are not [TS]

  into for any variety of reasons could [TS]

  easily be something the kid is not that [TS]

  into so you're suggesting a based on my [TS]

  daughters Mother's proclivities that my [TS]

  daughter will spend many hours a day [TS]

  looking at bed bath and beyond catalogs [TS]

  for the rest of your life [TS]

  I look over my wife sometimes at night [TS]

  and see on the ipad she's like looking [TS]

  at a catalog sites [TS]

  my daughter loves catalogs yeah catalogs [TS]

  catalogs and like I mean youyou peer [TS]

  over someone's shoulder and you think [TS]

  like oh boy I'm gonna catch him catch [TS]

  him looking at something on the internet [TS]

  who's Tom and it is it's just like [TS]

  discount per sites [TS]

  yeah it's like wow I mean I you know I [TS]

  have a luggage fetish myself [TS]

  yep yep and if you look over my shoulder [TS]

  you will catch me on some discount per [TS]

  site so I'm not I'm not casting [TS]

  aspersions and well in that case i mean [TS]

  i think that the point there's the thing [TS]

  that I feel like I think my wife would [TS]

  agree that we post struggle with this a [TS]

  little bit is we talk about things like [TS]

  the screen time thing is that we both [TS]

  really liked looking at ipads we both [TS]

  really like you know watching top chef [TS]

  at night or something like that and so [TS]

  and so you know like in the case of like [TS]

  last night we had a marathon gilmore [TS]

  girls night we don't like to get more [TS]

  girls which is a great show and we [TS]

  finished off season one we started [TS]

  season to my wife and I've seen all of [TS]

  them least the first six seasons three [TS]

  times so and my daughter loves it now [TS]

  she sings along on the song so amy is it [TS]

  surprising that like it's something we [TS]

  all enjoy doing and what you do it but [TS]

  then there's a long winter song and a [TS]

  couple of Gilmore Girls episode 0 [TS]

  remember which which song [TS]

  no yeah be on the internet you on the OC [TS]

  to write a couple of times that's Chris [TS]

  supercool Maggie cause I respond respond [TS]

  to one of my to the other day that was [TS]

  kind of weird [TS]

  he's a nice man he seems like a very [TS]

  nice man yeah the times that you've [TS]

  introduced me to him he seems like a [TS]

  look at basically nice fellow [TS]

  yes so that's not surprising but then [TS]

  then now you're up against it because [TS]

  now [TS]

  yes we can have exactly one more gilmore [TS]

  girls and then we've already had a bath [TS]

  without dinner so it's definitely [TS]

  bedtime everyone will do you 20 minutes [TS]

  of reading we read you your 20 minutes [TS]

  like that's the thing we do [TS]

  yep and then and that's it but there's [TS]

  never been a time when the credits came [TS]

  up on anything that she was happy [TS]

  mm-hmm shot guess guess who else was [TS]

  exactly like that ma ma ma I want just [TS]

  one more just one more car to one more [TS]

  music video one more or but like who's [TS]

  to blame because we like that too [TS]

  yeah you know i'm just being straight-up [TS]

  I mean yeah but like I that's that's the [TS]

  thing [TS]

  so you know you might not have such a [TS]

  hard time getting her into the stolen [TS]

  Jeep in in seventh grade will wash out [TS]

  I you know I not to not to not to say [TS]

  that some version of this on every [TS]

  podcast but i was thinking about it the [TS]

  other day in the context of the campaign [TS]

  that I'm running that I you know I was [TS]

  asking around like did we have iphones [TS]

  for years ago we did what did they say i [TS]

  think a lot of people said said yes that [TS]

  they did I think I had 14 years ago yeah [TS]

  I think about you but definitely not [TS]

  eight years ago the iphone came out uh i [TS]

  think it was eight years ago came out [TS]

  eight years ago in [TS]

  june was with the streets right and so [TS]

  but you know but there was a pretty [TS]

  weird thing that the true believers [TS]

  bought but I think it got big like a [TS]

  year or two after that [TS]

  yeah and buried the 3g is the one where [TS]

  everybody went whoa i need one of these [TS]

  and i think my first one was a 3gs I [TS]

  think that's nice phone that was a good [TS]

  phone and said I mean that's that was a [TS]

  strong phone there was a strong phone [TS]

  and if i had never upgraded the [TS]

  operating system i would still be using [TS]

  it today st. sister but uh I realized [TS]

  that you know i already had screentime [TS]

  problems in the sense that i am I [TS]

  continue to be astonished at how much I [TS]

  how big a part of my life Twitter still [TS]

  is I don't understand it it was we never [TS]

  stop surprising you [TS]

  yeah we predict we predicted for years [TS]

  ago that it that that was over and it's [TS]

  not i still am I still look at all [TS]

  not i still am I still look at all [TS]

  time I look at my phone all the time but [TS]

  you know i'm running a political [TS]

  campaign and these are some of the first [TS]

  political campaigns that people have [TS]

  ever run where they were campaigning 24 [TS]

  hours a day because their phone is right [TS]

  there and not there's no it's there's no [TS]

  time at which somebody can't either to [TS]

  something political at me or that I be [TS]

  asked to respond to an email or an issue [TS]

  its with me all the time and I think [TS]

  back to what it must have been like to [TS]

  run a campaign even 10 years ago when [TS]

  you had to go sit down at your desk and [TS]

  turn on your computer to read your [TS]

  emails let alone 20 years ago when you [TS]

  picked up the newspaper in the morning [TS]

  and read the headlines and then sat down [TS]

  at a phone and dialed people or you know [TS]

  waited for the phone to ring and what [TS]

  what that would have been like was that [TS]

  if the phone wasn't ringing and your [TS]

  name wasn't in the newspaper and you [TS]

  weren't out actively campaigning then [TS]

  you were off you know where you were [TS]

  sitting at a typewriter or something you [TS]

  you had some mental freedom from the [TS]

  process and what what has been [TS]

  characterizing my last three months is [TS]

  that is total involvement 24-hour day [TS]

  involvement in this thing that I'm doing [TS]

  which is which has taken every last [TS]

  shred of time always on call [TS]

  like you almost like it just there's [TS]

  never a time that you're probably [TS]

  comfortable not picking up the phone to [TS]

  see what that was right well I'm you [TS]

  know last night in the middle of the [TS]

  night somebody from some washington [TS]

  state bicycle advocacy group found a [TS]

  video of me very early on in the [TS]

  campaign when somebody at a forum asked [TS]

  a question where do you stand on bicycle [TS]

  license plates and i said and i honestly [TS]

  pictured myself on my schwinn stingray [TS]

  with a little license plate that said [TS]

  John [TS]

  Washington that was held onto the back [TS]

  of my bicycle with to twist times the [TS]

  depth of your analysis for this ad hoc [TS]

  I'm just thinking this in my head and I [TS]

  was like I support bicycle licenses and [TS]

  I look around and every other candidate [TS]

  on the on the forum is holding up a sign [TS]

  that says no and I'm like why not why [TS]

  wouldn't you put license plates are [TS]

  bicycles and the room is like boom and I [TS]

  realized very quickly I look out in the [TS]

  room and a couple of my supporters are [TS]

  like shaking their heads vigorously back [TS]

  and forth i realized that it is some [TS]

  kind of test that people that hate bikes [TS]

  and I don't even I can't even believe [TS]

  that there are people that hate bikes [TS]

  but they feel like bikes are a problem [TS]

  they want to know so that dog whistles [TS]

  for both sides [TS]

  yeah the way where you come out on this [TS]

  is I get it so that that's a pretty [TS]

  simple question to answer you don't feel [TS]

  yourself you know it's a trap like [TS]

  you're walking into this thing where [TS]

  like if how you answer that is going to [TS]

  have a big impact on how two groups look [TS]

  at you yeah right like oh if he wants [TS]

  bicycle license plates then he hates [TS]

  bicycles and it's like really I it [TS]

  wasn't it was a new idea to me that [TS]

  anybody hated bicycles but so somebody [TS]

  some like Washington bicycle club [TS]

  advocate in the middle of the night last [TS]

  night finds the video somewhere and you [TS]

  know caps it and start treating me [TS]

  really John Roderick do you really think [TS]

  that bicycles are the you know and I was [TS]

  just like yeah well i was just on [TS]

  Twitter just just reading some reading [TS]

  some eugene mirman tweets and now i'm [TS]

  like in a fist fight with somebody who [TS]

  is mad at me about something that I you [TS]

  know and I wrote immediately I was like [TS]

  I got that totally wrong I didn't know [TS]

  what that meant right it's it to quote [TS]

  John Lennon and now it's all this I [TS]

  didn't yeah I don't like the way we made [TS]

  this time is dumb remark about Jesus [TS]

  that was not really meant to say that we [TS]

  are better than jesus i made this remark [TS]

  and now it's all this [TS]

  yeah yeah and now it's all this [TS]

  and so then the but you know when [TS]

  somebody says like I was wrong when I [TS]

  said that um there's nothing you can do [TS]

  except like oh okay I get it [TS]

  and now i'm gonna send you 15 lecturing [TS]

  tweets about what you you know about [TS]

  what you should have known right and [TS]

  it's like I i understand i have educated [TS]

  myself sense then I you know I mean that [TS]

  has happened a lot in the i have said a [TS]

  lot of things on this podcast where I [TS]

  got a lot of pushback from our listeners [TS]

  and fans and then went and educated [TS]

  myself holy god I mean I can't even tell [TS]

  you how many times that's happened [TS]

  yeah and I I said little but the thing [TS]

  is here here's the part that did that [TS]

  people miss apprehend understandably is [TS]

  I didn't say I didn't say something dumb [TS]

  because I was trying to be offensive [TS]

  I said something dumb because i was [TS]

  being dumb right and like I can grow but [TS]

  now you have to go in public where like [TS]

  if you don't respond to that person it [TS]

  seems dismissive and if you do respond [TS]

  to that person you can arguing on the [TS]

  internet and you're just you're leaving [TS]

  this huge trail of 22 where we can go [TS]

  watch on servicing sensitive about this [TS]

  page yeah yeah and and then I mean I'm [TS]

  I'm very comfortable with the amount i [TS]

  have learned and the amount i've had had [TS]

  to grow up and and the role that [TS]

  pushback from our from our listeners and [TS]

  and super fans has has contributed to [TS]

  that but there's always going to be [TS]

  something that you can pull out [TS]

  I mean you know there's always gonna be [TS]

  something somebody can pull out from [TS]

  this podcast and say can these guys [TS]

  really can you really believe these guys [TS]

  and you know what a what can we do you [TS]

  know so it's a we were do we do it we do [TS]

  we do now it's all that now it's all [TS]

  this and it's like I you know and just [TS]

  just as I mean it kinda can't have one [TS]

  without the other way you can I want the [TS]

  other but any one of the rare ways in [TS]

  which i am becoming slightly more [TS]

  healthy as a person i think is that I it [TS]

  may not always show but i find myself [TS]

  much more forgiving of stuff stupid [TS]

  stuff I see happen [TS]

  how to remove yep really know like look [TS]

  stupid shit happens people do stupid [TS]

  stuff i mean it [TS]

  whatever I get why people pylon Donald [TS]

  Trump because he is a farcical character [TS]

  who clearly takes a certain amount of [TS]

  relish and I'm gonna use a word i almost [TS]

  never use people use it wrong people say [TS]

  trolling all the time when they mean [TS]

  teasing or baiting he's trolling people [TS]

  he's deliberately trying to say [TS]

  something extremely controversial [TS]

  because the more people talk about him [TS]

  the more real he seems so I mean it's [TS]

  setting setting that aside I mean it's [TS]

  just the I guess I feel like I I don't [TS]

  know it's too late to say this it's too [TS]

  late but like I i feel i feel pretty bad [TS]

  about a lot of dumb stuff I've said but [TS]

  you know I also realize that those words [TS]

  and they came out and I change and like [TS]

  I want to believe the other people with [TS]

  the same way to yeah yeah i agree just [TS]

  because of political correctness but [TS]

  because of growing as a person [TS]

  there's all kinds of stuff whether [TS]

  that's 40 years ago or a month ago [TS]

  there's all kinds of stuff that I don't [TS]

  just that it's not just that I'm not [TS]

  saying it because I don't wanna be [TS]

  offensive [TS]

  I'm not saying because i think it's not [TS]

  true and i realize that there's more to [TS]

  it than just those words right and I [TS]

  wish everybody got that same break [TS]

  well i think you know hopefully they [TS]

  will I mean there's there there are a [TS]

  lot of us that have grown a lot in the [TS]

  last few years and there there's a lot [TS]

  of people you know I mean you can only [TS]

  the only party to punish people so far [TS]

  before you have to sort of live with [TS]

  them again but you know what i do wanna [TS]

  hear more about the campaign if you have [TS]

  time but like here's another part of [TS]

  that is that you know you you must get [TS]

  this because i know i get this i [TS]

  actually I i get a surprisingly small [TS]

  amount of generally obnoxious stuff [TS]

  thrown at me I feel very fortunate but [TS]

  sometimes there will be you know what [TS]

  happens is like I'll say something or [TS]

  somebody heard I said something somebody [TS]

  else mentions that third hand they [TS]

  didn't hear the context and so of course [TS]

  now i'm hitler like that that happens [TS]

  whatever that you know I think that [TS]

  happens but i think part of it is the [TS]

  environment where like you described [TS]

  with the last week or the week before [TS]

  you describe being in a situation where [TS]

  like all the insiders and politics are [TS]

  interested in what you say but they're [TS]

  super interested in like who you hang [TS]

  out with because that's that's how we [TS]

  can really tell but basically I don't [TS]

  overstate this but basically implying [TS]

  that hey we're all just a bunch of liars [TS]

  on one level [TS]

  another haha and so I wonder part of it [TS]

  is people are so people understand how [TS]

  what's the word I'm looking for [TS]

  how how many demagogues are out there [TS]

  people who are artfully putting together [TS]

  a certain kinds of polemical and hurtful [TS]

  things by design because they know [TS]

  they're trying to reach a certain group [TS]

  there are other people who speak in a [TS]

  code that pretty much everybody knows [TS]

  right [TS]

  hmm i mean is is the Confederate battle [TS]

  flag really about heritage maybe you but [TS]

  it's not really it's kind of really [TS]

  about heritage that the Heritage easy [TS]

  used on black people like what we you [TS]

  know get past that like but like that is [TS]

  that something you can say that a coded [TS]

  statement you talk about you know urban [TS]

  urban people when you talk about all [TS]

  these things so i guess i want to get [TS]

  someone in your opinion on this because [TS]

  you're living it now is it like how much [TS]

  of that is just the rhetoric of being in [TS]

  public as a public person or maybe [TS]

  people are so accustomed to everybody [TS]

  out there having some brand that they're [TS]

  trying to portray and deliberately [TS]

  choosing the awful things that they say [TS]

  you think you're getting too hard with [TS]

  that you know how hard my use of the [TS]

  word tar the it's it's two things that [TS]

  and i think one of them politics is [TS]

  always a rhetorical place where where [TS]

  you're trying to catch the other guy [TS]

  with their pants down you're trying to [TS]

  trying to turn their words against them [TS]

  you know you think about think about [TS]

  politics all the way back it's it's one [TS]

  of the number one ways you run against [TS]

  somebody is to is to try and portray [TS]

  someone who is ultimately another person [TS]

  of good will who is trying to help other [TS]

  people by serving in the democratic [TS]

  process and you turn that person into a [TS]

  repository of everyone's fears and [TS]

  hatreds by like a heatsink you become [TS]

  like you know for that for your [TS]

  Orwellian moment of hate [TS]

  yeah the idea that you could Swift Boat [TS]

  John Kerry who [TS]

  do you know who went to Vietnam and [TS]

  fought nobly and that you could turn [TS]

  that against him and that his opponent [TS]

  would be a guy would be a rich kid who [TS]

  dodged service in Vietnam by joining the [TS]

  national guard and not even fulfilling [TS]

  his commitment but that he could be [TS]

  perceived as the better candidate [TS]

  because John Kerry you know in all on [TS]

  some River in Vietnam you miss reported [TS]

  that what what what his role in a battle [TS]

  was I mean that's just the that's just [TS]

  the political process and it's insane [TS]

  and it doesn't bear any relationship to [TS]

  reality and and it's unfortunate but [TS]

  it's real right and so there's that [TS]

  which you know which I can't do anything [TS]

  about and none of us can so you just [TS]

  have to accept the things you cannot [TS]

  change and have the courage to change [TS]

  the things you can [TS]

  the what makes it different now is that [TS]

  that rhetorical that rhetorical culture [TS]

  has expanded out into the world at large [TS]

  and normal people are sitting on the [TS]

  internet and using those same techniques [TS]

  to turn other normal people into the [TS]

  opposition or the enemy you know and and [TS]

  and like you say it is a we've spent a [TS]

  lot of time removing words from our [TS]

  lexicon but we haven't but removing [TS]

  those words hasn't successfully removed [TS]

  the underlying thoughts and prejudices [TS]

  it's almost like you [TS]

  it's almost like thinking that taking [TS]

  the book out the dictionary means people [TS]

  will understand what it means anymore [TS]

  yeah so now we have to decode what it [TS]

  means part that's the biggest problem [TS]

  yeah just David Duke can speak without [TS]

  using racial slurs but you know what he [TS]

  means [TS]

  and you know and evangelicals are always [TS]

  speaking to one another in kind of coded [TS]

  language so that you know that you're [TS]

  you know who you're dealing with it i [TS]

  mean there's all the family values [TS]

  yeah there are all these language codes [TS]

  now and so where we are we're forced to [TS]

  decode one another but that we're also [TS]

  applying this kind of political this [TS]

  political matrix to just what are normal [TS]

  conversation somebody goes online and [TS]

  says like I had a you know I met if I [TS]

  met somebody today she was so basic and [TS]

  then it's like wait a minutes you know [TS]

  using that is classes and all that you [TS]

  know an end and then that political [TS]

  attack comes and it takes the it takes [TS]

  the form of like i'm going to i'm i'm a [TS]

  i'm both going to try and educate this [TS]

  person but also discredit them and [TS]

  silence them and you know it's all that [TS]

  which comes from our political culture [TS]

  and now is just infiltrated our daily [TS]

  lives and so there's a lot of that [TS]

  coming from just daily life people back [TS]

  into politics right i mean i'm running [TS]

  and it's not just a super PAC that is [TS]

  going to Swift Boat me it's somebody [TS]

  that disagreed with something i said on [TS]

  the podcast and chose to interpret a [TS]

  certain way and then decides that [TS]

  independently they are going to be a [TS]

  flaming sword that alerts the world to [TS]

  the fact that i am a i'm a bad candidate [TS]

  in a bad man and then you know and so so [TS]

  yeah I i do feel i do feel that there's [TS]

  there's a lot more of that to come in my [TS]

  campaign there will be people that that [TS]

  that come out of the woodwork and say [TS]

  like [TS]

  I used to be a fan but then one time [TS]

  John Roderick didn't reply to my email [TS]

  fast enough right and then I realized [TS]

  that he was a narcissist and and and [TS]

  he's you know covered in white privilege [TS]

  and so I've made it my personal mission [TS]

  to destroy him and you know everybody's [TS]

  got the same resources now everybody's [TS]

  got access to the same communication [TS]

  channels it just you just keep lobbying [TS]

  dirt clods that somebody until one of [TS]

  them sticks you know and you don't you [TS]

  don't get any extra credit for not doing [TS]

  that right or do you mean personally 11 [TS]

  that does not participate in that [TS]

  particular form of mudslinging is does [TS]

  you don't get credit for not doing that [TS]

  to you know i don't think so i don't [TS]

  think so i mean iĆ­ve said that I want [TS]

  to run a clean campaign and I get a lot [TS]

  of pressure from my own team to [TS]

  challenge my opponent on his record and [TS]

  when i do uh when I do I'm uh you know [TS]

  people that are fans of mine say I [TS]

  thought you were gonna run a clean [TS]

  campaign so you know uh there's a lot of [TS]

  there's a lot of time between a rock and [TS]

  a hard place I've got I've got people [TS]

  who think that me running a clean [TS]

  campaign means that i never say anything [TS]

  about my opponent except that I think [TS]

  he's a nice guy and I spend all my time [TS]

  I da ting up in the clouds and then my [TS]

  own staff is screaming at me to to get [TS]

  in the press and make it and [TS]

  differentiate myself from my opponent [TS]

  and you know you gotta do you gotta do [TS]

  both and I try not to be personal but [TS]

  ultimately ultimately the be the attacks [TS]

  against me probably aren't going to come [TS]

  from my opponent they're probably going [TS]

  to come from [TS]

  somebody on the internet somebody that [TS]

  you know that that is angry at me for [TS]

  for the way I talk and the way I am and [TS]

  the way I've lived and and has decided [TS]

  that it's their mission you know people [TS]

  have people have a have Crusades that [TS]

  will get them a lot less attention then [TS]

  going after me in public you know I mean [TS]

  that's a that's a real opportunity for [TS]

  somebody if they want to forget about [TS]

  what three more weeks three more weeks [TS]

  before the prime area who along three [TS]

  weeks huh boy I'll say that was weird [TS]

  kind of it [TS]