Roderick on the Line

Ep. 136: "Goofus MacGroofus"


00:00:00   this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

00:00:01   sponsored by cards against humanity they [TS]

00:00:04   asked us not to read an ad [TS]

00:00:06   hey just enjoy the show [TS]

00:00:07   [Music] [TS]

00:00:12   hello hi John hi Merlin how's it going [TS]

00:00:17   good what a day [TS]

00:00:19   k so k saudia case i have you ever eaten [TS]

00:00:23   cheese no hide have not had any food [TS]

00:00:26   today uh I'm subsisting entirely on pure [TS]

00:00:30   energy [TS]

00:00:31   oh god I'm a mess are you did you have [TS]

00:00:33   some food you go down to the taco bell [TS]

00:00:35   and get a couple hot dogs [TS]

00:00:38   Oh will be tied me on the day they start [TS]

00:00:42   having hot dogs at the bell who can you [TS]

00:00:45   imagine if they added just one more [TS]

00:00:47   ingredient hot dogs up i know one of our [TS]

00:00:51   dogs you know what if they want this [TS]

00:00:54   idea is going to cost from seven hundred [TS]

00:00:55   thousand dollars but here's my thought [TS]

00:00:57   interesting dogs hot dogs first of all [TS]

00:01:00   you want you can sell hotdogs hotdogs as [TS]

00:01:02   a thing everybody likes those you can [TS]

00:01:04   chop them into discs discs like the size [TS]

00:01:08   of the tip of your thumb and you can [TS]

00:01:09   begin to a famous bowl taco and Frank's [TS]

00:01:12   talking all and Frank so here's the [TS]

00:01:14   thing you could cut a hot dog in half [TS]

00:01:16   lengthwise and make it a hot dog go dog [TS]

00:01:23   oh well you had taco it's just always [TS]

00:01:25   you it's a thing right you fill it with [TS]

00:01:27   taco stuffings but instead of the taco [TS]

00:01:30   you would have a hot dog hot dogs [TS]

00:01:33   hi dude hot dogs we go through phases at [TS]

00:01:36   our house where we forget about hot dogs [TS]

00:01:38   for six months and then we get we get a [TS]

00:01:40   couple packs of like some Nathan's and [TS]

00:01:42   we go crazy on hot dogs for a while [TS]

00:01:45   yeah i've started eating the Nathans [TS]

00:01:48   that you know they make jumbo Nathan's [TS]

00:01:50   have you seen yeah it's like it's like [TS]

00:01:52   five in a pack [TS]

00:01:53   yeah I don't very confusing but i do [TS]

00:01:56   that i've been i've been pretty happy [TS]

00:01:58   with those i have ever told you about my [TS]

00:02:01   about chili [TS]

00:02:04   um i'm going to say no never told you my [TS]

00:02:10   story of chili thus oh god no i don't [TS]

00:02:13   know the story of chili [TS]

00:02:15   well guys a Marvel origin here yeah it [TS]

00:02:18   is it really is and i don't mean the [TS]

00:02:20   story of chilly when i was a kid i did [TS]

00:02:22   not like chill [TS]

00:02:23   I didn't like chili because it had beans [TS]

00:02:27   in it and I didn't like beings i didn't [TS]

00:02:30   like beans because i didn't like [TS]

00:02:31   vegetables and beans adventure secret [TS]

00:02:35   vegetable yeah and so at a when i was [TS]

00:02:39   when i was a kid i was extremely picky [TS]

00:02:41   eater I didn't eat [TS]

00:02:42   I hardly ate anything and one of the [TS]

00:02:44   things i didn't eat was chilly and uh I [TS]

00:02:49   was revolted by chili [TS]

00:02:51   well at Mount Alyeska where I was a [TS]

00:02:55   member of the junior racers ski team on [TS]

00:03:00   the top of the mountain was the original [TS]

00:03:03   structure that was the top of chair 1 [TS]

00:03:06   the chair the first chair lift the first [TS]

00:03:08   chair lift went up and went kind of in [TS]

00:03:12   underneath this building actually the [TS]

00:03:14   you would get off the chair the chair [TS]

00:03:16   would go it would rotate around its hub [TS]

00:03:20   underneath the building which was called [TS]

00:03:22   the Roundhouse guess why because of the [TS]

00:03:27   roundness of the structure and making [TS]

00:03:30   the chair pivot that's right it was a it [TS]

00:03:32   wasn't actually a roundhouse it was like [TS]

00:03:34   an octagon old building but it was [TS]

00:03:37   effectively round and it is the check [TS]

00:03:39   comes around then that takes people down [TS]

00:03:41   that's right the Roundhouse at Mount [TS]

00:03:43   Alyeska and the Roundhouse was a on the [TS]

00:03:46   top floor it was it was the place on the [TS]

00:03:51   top of the mountain where you would go [TS]

00:03:52   and get a hot chocolate it was the bar [TS]

00:03:53   you could get you could get some hot [TS]

00:03:55   drinks and some time before I was a kid [TS]

00:03:58   sometime in the late sixties they added [TS]

00:04:01   in addition to the back of the [TS]

00:04:02   Roundhouse which was kind of a big [TS]

00:04:03   dining long area and it was it was all [TS]

00:04:08   shingled in cedar shingles including the [TS]

00:04:11   roof and the the furniture inside was in [TS]

00:04:17   the like heavy wood picnic table style [TS]

00:04:20   of furniture over i think in the bar [TS]

00:04:23   they had tables and chairs but back in [TS]

00:04:24   the in the Roundhouse where the kids [TS]

00:04:27   could go [TS]

00:04:28   it was just big picnic tables anyway at [TS]

00:04:31   the Roundhouse one of the foods that [TS]

00:04:33   they offered was [TS]

00:04:34   really and they made chili burgers and [TS]

00:04:38   they made chili dogs and also chili and [TS]

00:04:43   so I would go in there every day at in [TS]

00:04:46   the middle of the day at lunchtime with [TS]

00:04:47   my friends we would you know ski up kick [TS]

00:04:50   our skis off is it is a pretty handsome [TS]

00:04:52   looking building it's very nice kind of [TS]

00:04:54   old world [TS]

00:04:55   yep we would clump into the Roundhouse [TS]

00:04:57   you have to climb up some stairs and [TS]

00:04:59   then you go in there was a there was a [TS]

00:05:01   poor should a deck on the outside but [TS]

00:05:04   you clump into the Roundhouse and you [TS]

00:05:06   could get a hamburger cheeseburger a [TS]

00:05:08   hotdog and then all of those things with [TS]

00:05:12   chili on them and then fries which I [TS]

00:05:14   also didn't need to because i didn't [TS]

00:05:15   like potatoes because potatoes were a [TS]

00:05:17   vegetable [TS]

00:05:18   so my whole childhood security it's [TS]

00:05:23   conceptually that their vegetables it's [TS]

00:05:24   just the whole idea that their [TS]

00:05:25   vegetables that's right that's right i [TS]

00:05:27   was a time and that was plenty for you [TS]

00:05:28   just not even touch up well and also [TS]

00:05:30   because potatoes and beans share a [TS]

00:05:32   commonality which is that they have a [TS]

00:05:34   mealy texture that's true and I don't [TS]

00:05:37   like melee didn't like me lee and i [TS]

00:05:40   associated it with a certain kind of [TS]

00:05:42   starchy vegetable of which beans and [TS]

00:05:45   potatoes to me where the exemplars so I [TS]

00:05:50   would sit at the Brown House day after [TS]

00:05:52   day eating my cheeseburger or my hot dog [TS]

00:05:57   while my friends across the table 8 [TS]

00:06:00   their chili cheeseburger or their chili [TS]

00:06:03   dog and the Roundhouse serve these foods [TS]

00:06:08   on big platters and it was a pile of [TS]

00:06:12   chili you couldn't see the cheeseburger [TS]

00:06:13   under the chili you couldn't see the hot [TS]

00:06:16   dog under the chili [TS]

00:06:17   it was a mountain of food and i SAT [TS]

00:06:20   across from this day after day [TS]

00:06:22   throughout my entire childhood and then [TS]

00:06:25   at a certain point in my adult life I [TS]

00:06:30   realized that I had been a fool and in [TS]

00:06:33   addition to all the other new foods that [TS]

00:06:35   I was trying and learning to like I [TS]

00:06:38   tried chili for the first time and I [TS]

00:06:41   realized that chili is the perfect food [TS]

00:06:44   it has all the ingredients as beings and [TS]

00:06:46   as chili powder so what happened did you [TS]

00:06:50   just did you try and actually just [TS]

00:06:52   picking the beans out [TS]

00:06:54   well no it was too late I was not a kid [TS]

00:06:57   anymore [TS]

00:06:58   oh I was not living in Alaska anymore i [TS]

00:07:04   could not go back in time I could not go [TS]

00:07:07   back and have all those chili burgers [TS]

00:07:10   and I had failed to have there was no [TS]

00:07:12   going home again I'd blown it and when I [TS]

00:07:18   finally did go back to the Roundhouse as [TS]

00:07:21   an adult and order a chili burger it had [TS]

00:07:24   changed there wasn't the same the two [TS]

00:07:27   wasn't enough chili that the new recipe [TS]

00:07:29   the resort had been purchased by a [TS]

00:07:32   Japanese conglomerate well and they [TS]

00:07:36   built a new hotel potential caller they [TS]

00:07:38   built a new round house [TS]

00:07:40   no not getting smaller things they tore [TS]

00:07:43   it down and they built a i mean i think [TS]

00:07:45   the Roundhouse itself maybe still since [TS]

00:07:47   thats that's sickening John but the [TS]

00:07:49   dining room is this giant poured [TS]

00:07:51   concrete area with the lots of a lots of [TS]

00:07:56   coke products and branding and all kinds [TS]

00:08:00   of foods and the it was gone the smell [TS]

00:08:04   of cedar the the cigarette smoke the [TS]

00:08:07   chili burgers and so because because of [TS]

00:08:11   that I've spent the rest of my life [TS]

00:08:13   trying to eat every chili burger I can [TS]

00:08:15   to try and make up to fill that chili [TS]

00:08:17   burger sized hole in my heart that's [TS]

00:08:20   miserable right [TS]

00:08:22   I hate what stuff changes well and I in [TS]

00:08:25   and the thing is i wish that i had [TS]

00:08:27   changed and the chili burger had stayed [TS]

00:08:29   the same [TS]

00:08:29   this is like a harry chapin song the cat [TS]

00:08:33   is in the chili burger and the silver [TS]

00:08:35   spoon it couldn't see the chili for the [TS]

00:08:37   beans [TS]

00:08:37   that's right that is exactly what it was [TS]

00:08:39   my boys just like me and and so [TS]

00:08:45   talk about memory well what now the nice [TS]

00:08:49   part for me growing up in cincinnati [TS]

00:08:51   with our weird-ass chili is in a minute [TS]

00:08:54   yeah I told the story hundred times but [TS]

00:08:55   the nice thing about going to get [TS]

00:08:56   cincinnati chili I was you I you know [TS]

00:09:00   did you know about the different ways [TS]

00:09:01   it's not sure you got it takes away the [TS]

00:09:03   five-way in the two-way an American [TS]

00:09:05   responders i think a three-way is [TS]

00:09:08   spaghetti of course because you put [TS]

00:09:11   chili and spaghetti right spaghetti [TS]

00:09:13   chili onions and cheese no cheese [TS]

00:09:16   I think of solar way forward with onions [TS]

00:09:18   and then of course five ways when you're [TS]

00:09:20   really getting grown-up that's when you [TS]

00:09:21   get the beans the beans on top of the [TS]

00:09:24   chili because the Cincinnati chili [TS]

00:09:26   doesn't have been you can get it did [TS]

00:09:27   they did they yeah it's it's all in [TS]

00:09:29   there and I think it comes on a plate [TS]

00:09:31   skyline chili or you can go to impress [TS]

00:09:34   if that's how you roll but a I think the [TS]

00:09:36   whole thing was like a dollar [TS]

00:09:37   thirty-five yeah my uh I personally [TS]

00:09:41   would really like Cincinnati style chili [TS]

00:09:42   I do too I do too you know it's [TS]

00:09:45   interesting all the different to our [TS]

00:09:46   regional variations you get the chili [TS]

00:09:48   you got BBQ you know everybody's got [TS]

00:09:50   their own little uh and premature [TS]

00:09:52   haven't you missed out on that was so so [TS]

00:09:56   anyway i buy i buy these hot dogs these [TS]

00:09:59   Nathan's Famous hot dogs get his giant [TS]

00:10:01   ones because when i make chili I kind of [TS]

00:10:06   can't conceive of it or rather it is it [TS]

00:10:11   is it is a exponentially improved if I [TS]

00:10:15   pored over a hot dog or over amber [TS]

00:10:17   because i'm trying to get back to the to [TS]

00:10:20   the roundhouse in Girdwood this is your [TS]

00:10:23   this is your your Madeline in the tea [TS]

00:10:25   that's right this is my rosebud hmm is [TS]

00:10:28   that just the chili dog burger in the [TS]

00:10:32   Roundhouse and so I'm always trying to [TS]

00:10:34   I'm always trying to make it and I and [TS]

00:10:36   so I eat hot dogs but I eat them I eat [TS]

00:10:39   them entirely as a it's basically what [TS]

00:10:43   you're saying it's a taco dog except [TS]

00:10:45   with chili and and I do the thing that I [TS]

00:10:48   like which is I cover the whole plate [TS]

00:10:50   with chili and you can't see the food [TS]

00:10:51   underneath it all I bury it [TS]

00:10:53   it is like a political prisoner yes [TS]

00:10:56   didn't see whatever uncover with chili [TS]

00:10:58   told you know now in the modern era in [TS]

00:11:01   the contemporary with the wolf chili [TS]

00:11:03   obviously whatever we got in the fridge [TS]

00:11:07   what do we got thrown yeah you got rice [TS]

00:11:09   you got you got you know you got [TS]

00:11:11   whatever i'm just saying I'm two minutes [TS]

00:11:13   away from pleasure pleasure committee [TS]

00:11:15   well let me give you a little life hack [TS]

00:11:17   I'm ready throw in half a bag of frozen [TS]

00:11:22   chopped kale [TS]

00:11:24   oh that's good fries and kale is better [TS]

00:11:27   than it sounds [TS]

00:11:28   right so you take a take a one-pound bag [TS]

00:11:31   of frozen kale you throw a half a pound [TS]

00:11:33   of frozen kale into your chili it [TS]

00:11:35   basically just it taste it thickens it [TS]

00:11:39   it darkens the taste a little bit and [TS]

00:11:42   you know using the the inescapable logic [TS]

00:11:46   you are also now eating super healthy [TS]

00:11:48   food [TS]

00:11:49   life hack into this life hack you know [TS]

00:11:52   you just made a quarter of a pound of [TS]

00:11:53   kale em and you don't even notice that [TS]

00:11:55   because you were you were busy trying to [TS]

00:11:57   smother this chili dog and we were water [TS]

00:11:59   boarding water boarding this hot dog [TS]

00:12:00   with chili can get a lottery then the [TS]

00:12:03   next morning [TS]

00:12:04   oh my goodness nothing about chilly [TS]

00:12:07   though is it you know what what probably [TS]

00:12:09   people to care but this is something [TS]

00:12:11   that needs to be said I think people in [TS]

00:12:12   Australia and England and Germany are [TS]

00:12:15   you have that they have their pens out [TS]

00:12:17   and they are writing every word we say [TS]

00:12:19   about chilly down well here's here's a [TS]

00:12:21   couple nice things about chili is it [TS]

00:12:22   chilly as a pivot so on the one hand you [TS]

00:12:24   can put chili on almost anything and it [TS]

00:12:28   will improve you could put on a banana [TS]

00:12:30   I don't care it'll be better than the [TS]

00:12:32   other nice thing is you can add stuff to [TS]

00:12:33   your chili I know this seems obvious [TS]

00:12:35   Americans but you know you've got a [TS]

00:12:37   little bit of leftover ribeye cut it up [TS]

00:12:38   right in the chili oh my god you get [TS]

00:12:42   that flavor country the other day i was [TS]

00:12:44   making chili and in my cupboard i have [TS]

00:12:48   had several cans of Heinz beans classic [TS]

00:12:53   English beans classic English means that [TS]

00:12:55   they eat with their breakfasts their [TS]

00:12:58   income their their English breakfast [TS]

00:13:00   they're uniformly gray colored English [TS]

00:13:01   breakfasts they always have some beans [TS]

00:13:04   some hot beans and ketchup is basically [TS]

00:13:06   what it is sliced tomato [TS]

00:13:07   and I get a great slice of tomato some [TS]

00:13:10   some blood sausage if you're being fancy [TS]

00:13:13   and you got some nice mask that's a [TS]

00:13:16   bacon you got the other kind of sausage [TS]

00:13:18   to go with the blood sausage and then [TS]

00:13:21   you know some some of them don't have [TS]

00:13:22   the beans but i think the beans are [TS]

00:13:24   pretty canonical and so somebody gave me [TS]

00:13:27   some canned Heinz beans because they're [TS]

00:13:30   like oh you're a man of the world [TS]

00:13:33   I'm like really this is what this is how [TS]

00:13:35   you express man of the world the main [TS]

00:13:37   lines beans they're like they're [TS]

00:13:39   imported beans from England and I had [TS]

00:13:42   him in my cupboard and I was like ah I [TS]

00:13:45   kind of sometimes do crave a classic [TS]

00:13:48   English breakfast [TS]

00:13:49   oh my god me too I get that I get the [TS]

00:13:50   full irish I just go and say two words [TS]

00:13:52   full irish full irish word you get a [TS]

00:13:54   full irish breakfast in Tahlequah to [TS]

00:13:56   place my daughter and I referred to [TS]

00:13:57   simply as Irish Breakfast doesn't my [TS]

00:13:59   place is called we call an Irish [TS]

00:14:00   Breakfast yyyy not visited ho ho you go [TS]

00:14:04   in there do you know they used to have [TS]

00:14:05   the mixed grill they discontinued the [TS]

00:14:07   mixed girl the mix car better [TS]

00:14:08   that was when our top no but the the I [TS]

00:14:10   think I you know there's a part of me [TS]

00:14:11   that wonders of beans are almost like [TS]

00:14:13   the british version of macaroni and [TS]

00:14:15   cheese because it's cheap comfort food [TS]

00:14:17   shop for it i believe it's true and and [TS]

00:14:20   it's also a vegetable em anyway so i'm [TS]

00:14:23   making chili and I was like what happens [TS]

00:14:25   if you put Heinz beans in chili because [TS]

00:14:27   I'd already put a couple of cans of [TS]

00:14:29   beans and some other beings a monster [TS]

00:14:31   various means you're like I don't think [TS]

00:14:32   it's time I was like you know what I'm [TS]

00:14:33   putting kalin this chilli I'm gonna [TS]

00:14:35   fucking put some Heinz beans in there [TS]

00:14:36   and I dumped a can of Heinz beans and [TS]

00:14:40   they you know they're white beans are [TS]

00:14:42   there a different kind of being that are [TS]

00:14:44   whiter whiter kind of being that which [TS]

00:14:47   is my favorite Procol Harum song wasn't [TS]

00:14:49   minutes and and then all of a sudden the [TS]

00:14:52   chili is just like just lifts off into [TS]

00:14:55   this other realm of like it became a [TS]

00:14:59   kind of chilly that I wanted to put a [TS]

00:15:02   bowl of this chilly in front of someone [TS]

00:15:03   just to register their surprise and [TS]

00:15:06   delight like you're likely but it's not [TS]

00:15:09   the chili you think it is [TS]

00:15:10   that's right they would look at maybe [TS]

00:15:12   like there's what's going on in this [TS]

00:15:13   chilly there there there 40 different [TS]

00:15:15   realities you don't mind John I find [TS]

00:15:17   that people really enjoy it when you put [TS]

00:15:18   a plate of food in front [TS]

00:15:20   when you're smiling and you could try [TS]

00:15:21   this hey you think you've had food [TS]

00:15:25   try this welcome to Chile hacker working [TS]

00:15:27   welcome to do welcome to Chile town i [TS]

00:15:29   have had my star my favorite Dan Harmon [TS]

00:15:31   show [TS]

00:15:32   oh yeah there's my girl [TS]

00:15:35   haha you're 50 a piece of paper stuck in [TS]

00:15:39   I i just want to say you know every man [TS]

00:15:44   has a little bit of pan man in him [TS]

00:15:47   mm right because you can't have a pan [TS]

00:15:50   man without being a man there maybe pan [TS]

00:15:52   ladies but i think is canonically a pan [TS]

00:15:54   man i'm following you so far I've know [TS]

00:15:56   some people don't want you people ask us [TS]

00:15:58   about this and I don't know I feel say [TS]

00:16:00   go we're gonna like I can go to someone [TS]

00:16:03   episode and go like let me explain what [TS]

00:16:04   a pan man is I don't know we've ever [TS]

00:16:06   exactly describe all you need to know [TS]

00:16:08   it's sammy hagar it's guy feel dat unity [TS]

00:16:12   you gotta say it like that you know what [TS]

00:16:14   you're looking pan mane thing to do [TS]

00:16:15   community [TS]

00:16:17   it doesn't really CPX dat but you gotta [TS]

00:16:20   okay so here's the here's here's the [TS]

00:16:22   part of having a being a pan man i think [TS]

00:16:24   i'm gonna get you to jump in [TS]

00:16:25   well be in the the classic pan man [TS]

00:16:27   thinks you should probably have a very [TS]

00:16:31   silly goatee [TS]

00:16:32   this may be a little long yes that you [TS]

00:16:35   can't help write like a goatee that you [TS]

00:16:37   just almost can't help [TS]

00:16:39   no no yeah it's not like you're a guy [TS]

00:16:41   with a full beard and you shave it into [TS]

00:16:42   a goatee its like your face just makes [TS]

00:16:45   go to use yeah you've got you've got a [TS]

00:16:47   genetic cote beard yeah and then you [TS]

00:16:49   should have some kind of stupid hair [TS]

00:16:51   maybe frosted could be could be ginger [TS]

00:16:54   ringlets could be ginger Inglis it could [TS]

00:16:57   be it could be highlights right spiky [TS]

00:16:59   highlight some kind of fucked-up hair [TS]

00:17:01   okay and then from there it spreads out [TS]

00:17:03   a little bit it could involve Hawaiian [TS]

00:17:04   shirt shirts it could involve jam shorts [TS]

00:17:07   you probably wear flip-flops sure and i [TS]

00:17:11   think one of the canonical things [TS]

00:17:13   wouldn't you say is you can't get it hot [TS]

00:17:15   enough for them haha i think you can't [TS]

00:17:20   get it hot enough for them and so you [TS]

00:17:21   think you actually have a canonical test [TS]

00:17:23   you have a Turing test pan mentoring [TS]

00:17:25   test which is do you want jalapenos with [TS]

00:17:27   that to which he always sits pacman [TS]

00:17:30   always gonna say yeah [TS]

00:17:31   yeah fuck yeah I want jalapenos with [TS]

00:17:33   that i think i think a pan man it says [TS]

00:17:37   woo an awful lot [TS]

00:17:39   30 our dog maybe I think he calls you [TS]

00:17:42   dawg I think he calls you bro i think [TS]

00:17:43   you is gonna he's gonna you know in a [TS]

00:17:45   way this is what's weird in a way maybe [TS]

00:17:48   George Bush is a little bit more about [TS]

00:17:52   George W Bush he's a closet pan man he's [TS]

00:17:56   a little bit closer to pan man because [TS]

00:17:58   of his his habit of nicknaming everybody [TS]

00:18:01   everything kind of like hey what's up an [TS]

00:18:03   see why because I'm wearing pants yah [TS]

00:18:05   pants see what's the matter you don't [TS]

00:18:07   like being called fancy also also also [TS]

00:18:09   um not just sunglasses they should [TS]

00:18:12   preferably be wraparound mirrored [TS]

00:18:14   sunglasses on one of those douchey [TS]

00:18:16   froggy things you should have or you [TS]

00:18:19   wear them on the back of your neck now [TS]

00:18:21   we're getting into the ugh for a little [TS]

00:18:22   bit [TS]

00:18:22   anytime you wear your head or your [TS]

00:18:24   sunglasses on the back of the neck you [TS]

00:18:26   are you're very very close to pan mane [TS]

00:18:28   and i would say there are no ectomorph [TS]

00:18:34   expand men [TS]

00:18:35   Oh like I could nip at the waist you [TS]

00:18:38   usually a little bit pen men are [TS]

00:18:41   typically endo more i'm just gonna throw [TS]

00:18:44   that out there as a kind of like at the [TS]

00:18:47   end there may be some mesomorphic pan [TS]

00:18:49   but i think most of them are endomorphs [TS]

00:18:51   you could not pan man with a Macklemore [TS]

00:18:54   haircut but that's a very that's a very [TS]

00:18:56   modern offshoot that would be I you know [TS]

00:18:58   they're Macklemore haircuts they are [TS]

00:19:00   proliferating they are they are like oh [TS]

00:19:03   my god Merlin they're like they're like [TS]

00:19:05   dandelion seeds just since we talked [TS]

00:19:08   about it i've seen so many more now I [TS]

00:19:10   see it everywhere but i don't think that [TS]

00:19:11   that is that's not a typical that's not [TS]

00:19:14   that's not all the way payment i think [TS]

00:19:16   pan man has has a lot of body hair who [TS]

00:19:19   and I and I think I think what it is [TS]

00:19:23   ultimately is that they feel connected [TS]

00:19:26   to the spirit of having fun living in [TS]

00:19:31   the now being here now and this is [TS]

00:19:36   what's so confusing about Matthew [TS]

00:19:37   McConaughey em because Matthew [TS]

00:19:40   McConaughey is a by all appearance [TS]

00:19:45   this is a fairly normal human but he's [TS]

00:19:48   had a some kind of pan mane personality [TS]

00:19:51   transplant [TS]

00:19:52   uh-huh he's a pan man living inside the [TS]

00:19:55   body of a normal man [TS]

00:19:56   mm and that's why I that's why I i have [TS]

00:20:00   such a hard time grappling with Matthew [TS]

00:20:02   McConaughey yeah he doesn't he doesn't [TS]

00:20:05   really fit the dominant paradigm know [TS]

00:20:07   and yet as soon as he opens his mouth [TS]

00:20:09   you're like pac-man yes alright alright [TS]

00:20:12   alright so so it's about michael anthony [TS]

00:20:16   of uh Van Halen ultimate ultimate sort [TS]

00:20:20   of panic if you have a musical [TS]

00:20:21   instrument shaped like a liquor bottle [TS]

00:20:22   you're probably a pan man if you look at [TS]

00:20:25   van Halen you look at some standing [TS]

00:20:26   against the wall in 1977 and you look at [TS]

00:20:29   michael anthony and you think like ah [TS]

00:20:31   buddy [TS]

00:20:32   god I'm sorry it's like I used to work [TS]

00:20:34   at the hardware store [TS]

00:20:35   yeah like it's gotta be tough to be [TS]

00:20:38   michael anthony and yet in no photograph [TS]

00:20:42   of michael anthony at any time do you [TS]

00:20:44   ever register the sense that it is tough [TS]

00:20:47   and smilin he's having the best time [TS]

00:20:49   he's enjoying being in fucking van Halen [TS]

00:20:53   you really really is and not for us [TS]

00:20:55   understand from a brick wall looking sad [TS]

00:20:57   nope not for a second does he think to [TS]

00:21:00   himself I'm the only guy on stage right [TS]

00:21:02   now that's wearing a shirt right yeah [TS]

00:21:06   yeah yeah those times when you like [TS]

00:21:08   something else something on the chess [TS]

00:21:09   King oh but Michael he's gotta wear a [TS]

00:21:13   shirt all because everybody else has got [TS]

00:21:16   their shirt off and Michael Anthony is a [TS]

00:21:18   little bit of an end more than he's got [TS]

00:21:19   boobs [TS]

00:21:20   he's got to keep his shirt on but he [TS]

00:21:22   doesn't give a fuck now having a great [TS]

00:21:24   time and that is characteristic ban give [TS]

00:21:26   no fucks a guy he's not giving seems [TS]

00:21:28   like here's my concern and John this is [TS]

00:21:30   a secret shame but I feel like it's [TS]

00:21:32   something i need to bring you something [TS]

00:21:33   I've been noticing about myself and I [TS]

00:21:37   want to get your thoughts on what it [TS]

00:21:38   might mean I have been adding hot sauce [TS]

00:21:42   to foods lately [TS]

00:21:45   yeah let's [TS]

00:21:46   general but I mean it's not worrisome a [TS]

00:21:48   little bit and specifically let me just [TS]

00:21:51   say it [TS]

00:21:52   I've been adding sriracha two things [TS]

00:21:54   right as well no sriracha is the new [TS]

00:21:56   bacon of the internet but but sriracha [TS]

00:21:59   or a little bit of tapatio but like I've [TS]

00:22:01   started saucing things are you doing [TS]

00:22:04   worrisome you're afraid in the same way [TS]

00:22:06   that like if somebody doesn't a like [TS]

00:22:10   slap your balls with the with a leather [TS]

00:22:14   luggage tag you can't come [TS]

00:22:17   isn't the German shoot me like there's [TS]

00:22:23   not there it's called us talk about [TS]

00:22:25   swapping there's any given day or [TS]

00:22:28   luggage tag there's a fear there's a [TS]

00:22:30   fear that if you slap your balls once [TS]

00:22:32   with a leather luggage tag never go back [TS]

00:22:34   you're gonna be like fuck now i can't [TS]

00:22:36   really get down now i'm going to i'm [TS]

00:22:39   curious i'm tagged curious so it's just [TS]

00:22:42   we might get chilly i added to Chile [TS]

00:22:44   sometimes added to other things I still [TS]

00:22:46   like you know a lot of soy sauce to [TS]

00:22:48   something but I do find myself and ok [TS]

00:22:50   into the worst so I've heard some people [TS]

00:22:51   say I maybe Churchill who said this was [TS]

00:22:53   somebody said you know you can judge a [TS]

00:22:55   person he will judge a person by whether [TS]

00:22:57   they sought their food before they've [TS]

00:22:59   tasted it [TS]

00:22:59   sign of poor character sure course and I [TS]

00:23:03   do find myself sometimes putting on [TS]

00:23:05   garage before i even tasted it [TS]

00:23:07   well you are this worrisome should I [TS]

00:23:09   worry the thing is that you [TS]

00:23:11   I in me you have a you have found a man [TS]

00:23:15   of solidarity because I wench sriracha [TS]

00:23:19   is available i just grabbed it and a [TS]

00:23:22   matter of course I just give it one huge [TS]

00:23:28   squeeze squared the wrister into [TS]

00:23:31   whatever I'm doing [TS]

00:23:33   yeah and that came about I think as a [TS]

00:23:36   result of being trained in the art of [TS]

00:23:39   eating fun [TS]

00:23:41   follow follow I was it was explained to [TS]

00:23:46   me once by a Vietnamese lady that you [TS]

00:23:49   should always when you say the word fun [TS]

00:23:50   i don't i don't mean this to be like fee [TS]

00:23:53   dat but when you say the word fuck you [TS]

00:23:55   should always say it like a question you [TS]

00:23:57   should always turn it up at the end [TS]

00:23:59   hi oh so when now I do that everybody's [TS]

00:24:03   like what I'm flow but when when when [TS]

00:24:07   when I first was instructed in fuck this [TS]

00:24:13   lady have told me this story i'm sure [TS]

00:24:15   right where i went into a restaurant and [TS]

00:24:17   the the woman came out it was right at [TS]

00:24:20   the time when tha was being introduced [TS]

00:24:23   to American audiences soon my favorite [TS]

00:24:26   kind of came out of nowhere in the late [TS]

00:24:27   nineties yeah yeah well and in Seattle [TS]

00:24:30   it was the early nineties there were a [TS]

00:24:31   lot of Vietnamese here and i'm sure they [TS]

00:24:35   initially opened restaurants where they [TS]

00:24:37   served chinese food or whatever because [TS]

00:24:39   it was all that all that their their [TS]

00:24:42   audience could understand ya little goo [TS]

00:24:45   gai pan [TS]

00:24:46   yeah they do you know like a like [TS]

00:24:47   chicken cashew nuts and then they [TS]

00:24:50   started introducing and I remember this [TS]

00:24:52   happening at a little restaurant that I [TS]

00:24:54   used to eat at all the time the the [TS]

00:24:56   you'd see a new item on the menu and [TS]

00:24:59   you'd be like her with I wonder what the [TS]

00:25:00   heck that is [TS]

00:25:02   you know what is a board was a bond me [TS]

00:25:03   whatever it may be like how would you [TS]

00:25:05   like to try our sandwich and you're like [TS]

00:25:07   I guess I'll try sandwich and then out [TS]

00:25:10   comes this thing you're like this is the [TS]

00:25:11   most amazing thing in the world this [TS]

00:25:12   isn't it absolutely should not work and [TS]

00:25:14   they're like well we're not actually [TS]

00:25:15   chinese or vietnamese and likely mission [TS]

00:25:19   impossible if they pull away latex false [TS]

00:25:21   face and exactly the same wondering if [TS]

00:25:24   you'd like [TS]

00:25:24   oh IC and so one day I walked in and [TS]

00:25:27   there was a little sign on the table and [TS]

00:25:29   it said try our beef soup [TS]

00:25:32   oh yeah and it was a rainy day cold [TS]

00:25:37   rainy day and though uh and this was a [TS]

00:25:40   restaurant where normally the waitresses [TS]

00:25:42   were there ten-year-old daughter and [TS]

00:25:44   their 12-year old daughter and I had a [TS]

00:25:46   very good relationship with both of the [TS]

00:25:48   girls but on this day it it wasn't the [TS]

00:25:52   mother that came over [TS]

00:25:54   to take my order it was her mother the [TS]

00:25:57   grandmother that I'd only ever seen in [TS]

00:26:01   the back like making the food and she [TS]

00:26:05   came out and I was like I'm curious [TS]

00:26:07   about this beef soup and she said done [TS]

00:26:12   and off she goes into the kitchen kind [TS]

00:26:15   of excited and I was kind of excited and [TS]

00:26:17   then she came out with the soup and she [TS]

00:26:21   said you've never had this before and I [TS]

00:26:23   said no and she sat down at the table [TS]

00:26:28   with me and I have this madness [TS]

00:26:32   recollection that she actually sat in my [TS]

00:26:35   chair like she scooted my butt over and [TS]

00:26:38   sat on the edge of my chair the nice [TS]

00:26:41   memory and I'm like Hello and she [TS]

00:26:45   proceeded to prepare my father my father [TS]

00:26:48   for me and she went through this whole [TS]

00:26:52   like and then you do this and then you [TS]

00:26:54   put in the plum sauce and then you hit [TS]

00:26:57   it with the hot sauce and then the [TS]

00:27:00   jalapenos and then pepper and then fish [TS]

00:27:02   oil and then you know she's just like [TS]

00:27:04   blah blah and I was that i was watching [TS]

00:27:08   the whole thing and just like a little [TS]

00:27:10   horrified because I would not have put [TS]

00:27:13   any plum sauce and myself nor certainly [TS]

00:27:15   no fish oil [TS]

00:27:16   I wouldn't have squeeze the lime and I [TS]

00:27:18   would have done any of these things I [TS]

00:27:21   would have just eaten the soup and left [TS]

00:27:23   all that roughage on the plate but she [TS]

00:27:26   did it for me all the basil and stuff [TS]

00:27:28   and then she's like she did that thing [TS]

00:27:31   that that woman in Austria did to me [TS]

00:27:33   where she stood up a gesture at the soup [TS]

00:27:35   and then indicated that she was gonna [TS]

00:27:36   stand there and watch me eat it and I [TS]

00:27:40   ate it and so from that moment on [TS]

00:27:43   whenever I sit down at any meal and [TS]

00:27:46   there are comments on the table and [TS]

00:27:48   other things I just sort of go [TS]

00:27:51   why thank you know fish oil and I just [TS]

00:27:55   make everything like fun i'm very [TS]

00:27:58   attracted to foods that you get to [TS]

00:27:59   fiddle with it might be a form of eating [TS]

00:28:01   disorder but even like what I have pizza [TS]

00:28:03   like I have lots of you know different [TS]

00:28:04   kinds and measures of things I'd like to [TS]

00:28:06   put on there and it's [TS]

00:28:07   certain way i think it's fun when I get [TS]

00:28:09   like takeout from the thai restaurant [TS]

00:28:11   and it comes with this additional like [TS]

00:28:13   to get the little paper thing full of [TS]

00:28:14   all the stuff to put in [TS]

00:28:15   that's fun to me I like yeah like don't [TS]

00:28:18   know and soup now let me to ask you this [TS]

00:28:19   if you have a plate of food with like [TS]

00:28:22   six different things on it [TS]

00:28:24   do you want those things to touch each [TS]

00:28:27   other or do you want those things to not [TS]

00:28:29   touch each other I don't have a strong [TS]

00:28:30   feeling I had never been concerned about [TS]

00:28:33   the food touching and I always honestly [TS]

00:28:36   again just disclosed I've always thought [TS]

00:28:37   it was kind of weird how many kids would [TS]

00:28:39   freak out about it but I'm guessing [TS]

00:28:41   you're a non-food touches a child I [TS]

00:28:44   wearing uniformly white non vegetable [TS]

00:28:48   food you were probably pretty picky [TS]

00:28:49   about your plate too well what I'd what [TS]

00:28:52   I do is I eat in order [TS]

00:28:56   do you like it do you are you are you [TS]

00:28:58   eat one thing at a time where you like [TS]

00:28:59   it all to finish it once well so if a [TS]

00:29:01   plane arrives and there are five [TS]

00:29:03   different discrete foods and five rivers [TS]

00:29:05   discreet piles I go around and I eat [TS]

00:29:08   some from me pile in sort of clockwise [TS]

00:29:11   until it's all gone [TS]

00:29:13   oh yeah i'm moving a pattern I i do [TS]

00:29:15   kinda like them all to finish at the [TS]

00:29:17   same time but I'm also a goulash lover [TS]

00:29:19   and if there's any way that I can like [TS]

00:29:23   get a bim bap thing going on [TS]

00:29:26   we're at all you will you and I've had [TS]

00:29:28   some bim bap [TS]

00:29:30   how is that the place with the shaving [TS]

00:29:31   noodles now know that but the husband [TS]

00:29:34   map is the is the Korean dish in the [TS]

00:29:36   super hot stone Bowl are looking at it [TS]

00:29:39   now I love that be waiting in that place [TS]

00:29:42   you want to get to make our own food [TS]

00:29:43   very about that stuff a little bowls [TS]

00:29:46   oh love so is if I can stir my shit up [TS]

00:29:49   in into just like a like a just a mush [TS]

00:29:52   I'm really into that too and that's the [TS]

00:29:56   thing my dad would not tolerate if my [TS]

00:29:59   dad couldn't tell each item of food in [TS]

00:30:02   his food he didn't want anything in a [TS]

00:30:05   date and won it all covered in sauce he [TS]

00:30:07   did not want he wanted to see you wanted [TS]

00:30:10   to meet and vegetables to be separate he [TS]

00:30:11   wanted to see it all and know it [TS]

00:30:15   he and I are different people yes the [TS]

00:30:18   bitmap the tonight in that did i tell [TS]

00:30:22   you i started i found a bunch of [TS]

00:30:24   cassette tapes of my dad is thinking [TS]

00:30:27   about this series recordings of your dad [TS]

00:30:31   doing [TS]

00:30:32   was it was it so he was an [TS]

00:30:36   administrative law judge and like [TS]

00:30:39   negotiations or something [TS]

00:30:41   well late labor disputes he was an [TS]

00:30:44   arbitrator and but but rather than being [TS]

00:30:48   an arbitrator where he's trying to reach [TS]

00:30:51   a compromise as an administrative law [TS]

00:30:54   judge it when it would when when [TS]

00:30:56   disputes between management and labor or [TS]

00:30:58   between a professional person and the [TS]

00:31:01   and the licensing agency or whatever [TS]

00:31:03   when those disputes would reach the [TS]

00:31:04   point where there was no resolution sure [TS]

00:31:07   they would appear in front of my dad and [TS]

00:31:09   he would actually make a binding [TS]

00:31:11   decision like arbitration arbitration [TS]

00:31:13   but but he was the he he he was yeah he [TS]

00:31:18   he he was a hearing officer he would [TS]

00:31:20   hear cases presented by the lawyers on [TS]

00:31:22   both sides and then he would arbitrate [TS]

00:31:23   and so they're cassettes and cassettes [TS]

00:31:27   and cassettes and cassettes of these [TS]

00:31:30   cases from the nineteen eighties and I [TS]

00:31:36   found them all in a bag and I was like [TS]

00:31:38   to well I'm I'm cleaning the house [TS]

00:31:41   what the hell and I start popping in the [TS]

00:31:44   the stereo and it's like the most boring [TS]

00:31:51   episode of Law & Order ever like uh [TS]

00:31:55   would you say that when you first read [TS]

00:32:01   the contract it stipulated that [TS]

00:32:06   management would pay for the time that [TS]

00:32:12   it took employees to go to the DMV and [TS]

00:32:15   get a copy of their drivers record [TS]

00:32:19   yes i would say that do you have any [TS]

00:32:21   notes to that effect [TS]

00:32:22   well as a matter of fact I do have the [TS]

00:32:23   notes and it's just like are we [TS]

00:32:26   seriously everybody whoever uses a [TS]

00:32:31   sentence involving suing someone should [TS]

00:32:33   have to listen to all of those it's [TS]

00:32:35   insane it's insane because the whole [TS]

00:32:39   process it's on and it's unreal [TS]

00:32:41   I mean with the difference to the [TS]

00:32:43   company was a difference of five hundred [TS]

00:32:45   dollars let's say and yet there's this [TS]

00:32:48   protracted dispute with the union that [TS]

00:32:50   goes on for months they have 50 people [TS]

00:32:52   testify and my dad is sitting there and [TS]

00:32:56   I'm listening to this cassette and it's [TS]

00:32:59   like being at work with my dad and I [TS]

00:33:02   never knew I I was not interested in [TS]

00:33:05   this phase of his career right when he [TS]

00:33:09   got to when he was an administrative law [TS]

00:33:11   judge it was after he left the railroad [TS]

00:33:13   and I was just like oh so what do you do [TS]

00:33:18   he's like wow sometimes like a doctor or [TS]

00:33:21   get accused of malpractice and there's [TS]

00:33:23   this there's a suit that's happening [TS]

00:33:26   where he's being sued but then there's [TS]

00:33:29   also the case of the state deciding [TS]

00:33:33   whether or not to revoke his license and [TS]

00:33:36   that portion of it appears before me and [TS]

00:33:40   I hear his lawyer and the state's lawyer [TS]

00:33:43   and they argue whether or not he should [TS]

00:33:45   be allowed to practice medicine and then [TS]

00:33:47   I make a determination and it in a way [TS]

00:33:50   it's like wow that's pretty gnarly but [TS]

00:33:54   also oh so boring dad fucking 23 years [TS]

00:33:58   old and when I do some molly and go [TS]

00:33:59   party did come we didn't call Molly then [TS]

00:34:03   yeah but um so I'm listening to these [TS]

00:34:07   tapes and Merlin I swear to you I can't [TS]

00:34:11   stop listening to them like playing in [TS]

00:34:13   the background [TS]

00:34:14   I'm not really thinking when you listen [TS]

00:34:17   to music you like really sit down and [TS]

00:34:18   and headphones on [TS]

00:34:20   I mean no I'm come not headphones but I [TS]

00:34:22   mean I'm folding laundry or whatever but [TS]

00:34:24   I listened to the listen of the guy [TS]

00:34:26   present his case and I'm like well this [TS]

00:34:28   guy's got an airtight case and then the [TS]

00:34:31   next guy presents his opposing [TS]

00:34:32   case and I'm like huh well as a matter [TS]

00:34:34   of fact I kind of agree with his case [TS]

00:34:36   I'm like oh this is kind of a hard job [TS]

00:34:38   and then my dad will say something feat [TS]

00:34:41   my dad will he sits up there on the [TS]

00:34:43   bench and everyone's always like well [TS]

00:34:45   counselor I think you might have made [TS]

00:34:48   your point and everybody in the room [TS]

00:34:50   laughs because he's making some lawyer [TS]

00:34:52   joke and all the layers like haha yes [TS]

00:34:56   sir you are right you know and i'm like [TS]

00:34:59   wow it's like it's like it's like [TS]

00:35:01   they're having fun in there being [TS]

00:35:04   lawyers with each other and they know [TS]

00:35:06   what they're talking about [TS]

00:35:07   yeah yeah and and they're like they're [TS]

00:35:12   boring as shit but they're like they're [TS]

00:35:14   trying to have some fun while they can [TS]

00:35:16   and they're proposing all these [TS]

00:35:18   witnesses and you can tell there are [TS]

00:35:20   people that are nervous they don't want [TS]

00:35:22   to say the wrong thing you know that the [TS]

00:35:25   whole the the union is watching and all [TS]

00:35:27   this stuff these shop stewards that have [TS]

00:35:29   never don't know how to use a microphone [TS]

00:35:32   it's a it's amazing there really that [TS]

00:35:36   thing is my dad doesn't appear that [TS]

00:35:38   often because he's mostly listening but [TS]

00:35:40   I kind of want to play the tapes for my [TS]

00:35:42   daughter just like well you never knew [TS]

00:35:44   your grandfather but here's a glimpse he [TS]

00:35:48   was more interesting in person when he's [TS]

00:35:52   your match about your eggs [TS]

00:35:53   yeah this is more of a lawyer joke yeah [TS]

00:35:55   we'll get a 1 by explain this to you huh [TS]

00:36:00   you should hang on to this yeah it's one [TS]

00:36:04   of the time you're you again it seems [TS]

00:36:06   like you may be in phase we think about [TS]

00:36:07   what you can let go but that's a nice [TS]

00:36:08   thing to have [TS]

00:36:09   yeah I mean it's maybe not think he [TS]

00:36:11   would have 80 years old i'll be [TS]

00:36:12   listening to these Alaska labor disputes [TS]

00:36:16   from the eighties trying to reconnect [TS]

00:36:18   with my dad haha pretty funny fucking [TS]

00:36:22   life so you don't think I should be [TS]

00:36:24   worried about becoming a man though i [TS]

00:36:27   mean i really i really do like the first [TS]

00:36:29   program [TS]

00:36:29   here's the thing i'm not like standing [TS]

00:36:34   Hampton I mean you know listen if I if I [TS]

00:36:38   know selling it for the same here record [TS]

00:36:40   Stanley handsome you don't hit it [TS]

00:36:43   standard Hampton isn't what it's called [TS]

00:36:45   Jesus I don't know what time i hit [TS]

00:36:47   gershon Aaron some intrigue HSAs lies no [TS]

00:36:50   more lies no I was talking about the one [TS]

00:36:53   that's got us going on it's got there's [TS]

00:36:55   only one way to rock on it [TS]

00:36:56   oh that's a good tune does it have three [TS]

00:36:58   lockbox you know that's on three lockbox [TS]

00:37:00   possible with you love is driving me [TS]

00:37:01   crazy [TS]

00:37:02   where's my banjo over a one way to rock [TS]

00:37:05   beat didn't need to be doing do um I [TS]

00:37:08   honestly if I was a if I was sitting on [TS]

00:37:12   a bart train on the bart train want to [TS]

00:37:18   go on the bart train and you were [TS]

00:37:21   sitting across from me I and i don't [TS]

00:37:25   mean this in the wrong way but i might [TS]

00:37:27   say myself i might say to myself hmm is [TS]

00:37:31   that a pan man really just because there [TS]

00:37:35   are certain characteristics that you [TS]

00:37:36   have that sheet that arch that are [TS]

00:37:38   shared with pan men m thru you took your [TS]

00:37:43   genes into your socks [TS]

00:37:45   there's the thing about your face is [TS]

00:37:49   kind of go t-shaped I i do have a sum of [TS]

00:37:53   the t-shaped face [TS]

00:37:54   there's a goatee shape to your face and [TS]

00:37:56   over the years some of your hairstyles [TS]

00:37:59   were barely Panish shit you're right but [TS]

00:38:03   I do not find you know the fact is that [TS]

00:38:07   maybe your pan personality got switched [TS]

00:38:11   with Matthew McConaughey's actual [TS]

00:38:14   personality somewhere you should look at [TS]

00:38:16   your guys's birthday yes and see if [TS]

00:38:19   maybe it wasn't a personality transplant [TS]

00:38:20   that happened somehow with the storks em [TS]

00:38:24   that your personality belongs in Matthew [TS]

00:38:28   McConaughey and his personality believes [TS]

00:38:30   in you because you have a not not i [TS]

00:38:33   don't think a pan mane personality now [TS]

00:38:36   I don't think so I don't think you do [TS]

00:38:38   what if he's riddled with self-doubt I [TS]

00:38:40   don't think you that he is either you [TS]

00:38:42   look at what I ok so there you go though [TS]

00:38:44   isn't it good that that's a pan quality [TS]

00:38:46   not riddled with self-doubt precisely [TS]

00:38:48   not on the surface anyway right [TS]

00:38:50   like a guy like Matthew McConaughey [TS]

00:38:52   living in texas right she should be a he [TS]

00:38:58   should be should have been born probably [TS]

00:39:00   with your like hyper well let's see this [TS]

00:39:04   argument is kind of not holding water [TS]

00:39:06   with Matthew McConaughey having your [TS]

00:39:08   personality [TS]

00:39:09   yeah but maybe you should have had his [TS]

00:39:11   personality and then there's somebody [TS]

00:39:14   else is a third element a third person [TS]

00:39:16   that should have had your personality [TS]

00:39:20   right right [TS]

00:39:21   something remarkable thing and then you [TS]

00:39:23   would have had their personality maybe [TS]

00:39:25   that's what it is to me are 67 doesn't [TS]

00:39:29   look a day over 60 for the pictures have [TS]

00:39:33   been on Google's give it a thumbs up [TS]

00:39:35   he's unreal laughs out of shield [TS]

00:39:36   shit-eating grin that's wonderful [TS]

00:39:38   bookshelves in Michelle's kind of a man [TS]

00:39:40   thing right listen don't talk shit about [TS]

00:39:42   puka shells in the seventies i wore puka [TS]

00:39:46   shells and then in the nineties my [TS]

00:39:49   sister in a gesture of like early [TS]

00:39:53   nostalgia which is uncharacteristic for [TS]

00:39:55   her she bought me some puka shells and [TS]

00:39:58   said remember when we used to wear these [TS]

00:40:00   she's a thoughtful back in the back in [TS]

00:40:02   1976 when leif Garrett was on the cover [TS]

00:40:05   of teen beat magazine all he was [TS]

00:40:07   frequently put a shelled he did he was [TS]

00:40:09   then he's kind of a little bit of your [TS]

00:40:10   pan actually when you think about it and [TS]

00:40:12   bend and and so I was like are Susan how [TS]

00:40:17   cute and so I wore a puka shells and I [TS]

00:40:20   wore them throughout the nineties when [TS]

00:40:23   they were not acceptable refer and my [TS]

00:40:28   puka shells broke at one point and I [TS]

00:40:30   rethreaded them on mint flavor dental [TS]

00:40:32   floss look so when if you happen to be [TS]

00:40:36   somebody let's say for instance who was [TS]

00:40:38   kissing me on the neck which happens [TS]

00:40:41   sometimes back in the day you would get [TS]

00:40:43   a little minty because of all the Molly [TS]

00:40:45   little mini like Bing you like [TS]

00:40:49   the wise your next committee is always [TS]

00:40:52   offering surprises to the people who are [TS]

00:40:53   intimate in your life that's right a [TS]

00:40:55   life back that like that my necklace is [TS]

00:40:57   made out of dental floss but anyway so I [TS]

00:41:00   got a lot of uh I got a lot of shit for [TS]

00:41:03   the puka shells and the more should I [TS]

00:41:04   got the more I DoubleDown on the puka [TS]

00:41:07   shells and if you look at some early [TS]

00:41:09   long winters promo shots and footage i [TS]

00:41:13   am still wearing those boots and potions [TS]

00:41:16   even into the 2,000 feel like I don't [TS]

00:41:19   know why but I feel like maybe in that [TS]

00:41:22   Western State hurricanes thing when you [TS]

00:41:24   guys are on like local TV I thinking why [TS]

00:41:26   do I think you might be wearing puka [TS]

00:41:27   shells I it is entirely possible that i [TS]

00:41:30   was wearing puka shells because i never [TS]

00:41:32   took them off and I had them on pretty [TS]

00:41:34   much from 1995 to 2003 until finally the [TS]

00:41:41   dental floss like gave way and then and [TS]

00:41:44   then I was like am I really going to [TS]

00:41:45   rebuild these bookshelves i'm a 35 year [TS]

00:41:47   old man and so I put them in the [TS]

00:41:50   keepsake drawer along with the little [TS]

00:41:53   black crystal wrapped in the silver like [TS]

00:41:57   the idea that you have the keepsake [TS]

00:41:58   drawer [TS]

00:41:59   well for little keepsakes [TS]

00:42:02   uh-huh did it did a girl ever give you a [TS]

00:42:04   crystal know now i don't think i ever [TS]

00:42:08   got a crystal i never got that far [TS]

00:42:11   I had a lady friend who is very [TS]

00:42:13   crystally yeah I'm pretty confused by [TS]

00:42:16   crystals also well I mean they're [TS]

00:42:20   they're splitting energy thing with [TS]

00:42:21   chakras are a chocolate [TS]

00:42:23   yep and she wanted if you want to sleep [TS]

00:42:25   under a pyramid of copper pipes [TS]

00:42:28   ok I could do that and then you have [TS]

00:42:31   your crystals aligned with your chakras [TS]

00:42:33   before and the energy streams that are [TS]

00:42:38   invisible to you until you until you do [TS]

00:42:41   these other things and you see the [TS]

00:42:42   streams seems like a lot of work [TS]

00:42:45   unit couldn't this reason I'm tired of [TS]

00:42:47   time I feel like I feel like the pan [TS]

00:42:50   mane equivalent in the lady land what [TS]

00:42:55   they're good they would they would give [TS]

00:42:57   you a crystal and I got a crystal from [TS]

00:42:58   one of the pan ladies did represent [TS]

00:43:00   anything here represent was a black [TS]

00:43:03   crystal wrapped in silver [TS]

00:43:05   it's about as long as a cigarette but [TS]

00:43:08   only got plenty Crystal point crystal on [TS]

00:43:11   a necklace and I was meant to wear it [TS]

00:43:16   because it was the right kind of crystal [TS]

00:43:20   for my energy ha i see it's a palliative [TS]

00:43:24   I was at somebody's house not too long [TS]

00:43:26   ago and I noticed that they had crystals [TS]

00:43:31   on several of their window sills is that [TS]

00:43:34   crystal think oh I think those are [TS]

00:43:36   crystals that are supposed to send [TS]

00:43:38   rainbows into the room [TS]

00:43:39   oh yeah I got one of those for Christmas [TS]

00:43:40   recently [TS]

00:43:42   yeah i got 1,000,000 sent me this thing [TS]

00:43:45   we use suction cup it and it's got solar [TS]

00:43:47   panel and solar panel makes the crystal [TS]

00:43:49   turn around and shoot rainbows in your [TS]

00:43:51   room this mode this most recent [TS]

00:43:52   Christmas that's just passed a couple [TS]

00:43:55   weeks ago few weeks ago the one for a [TS]

00:43:56   few weeks ago by having you here I've [TS]

00:43:58   got to say happy new year [TS]

00:43:59   thank you glad to be here John you have [TS]

00:44:01   any new year's resolution since it's [TS]

00:44:03   almost new year now [TS]

00:44:04   definitely not December 15-18 thoughts [TS]

00:44:07   on the new year 2015 you really wanna [TS]

00:44:13   know i think i've got trouble that seems [TS]

00:44:16   to be your new sound [TS]

00:44:18   yeah that is kind of everything exactly [TS]

00:44:21   right on the edge of giving up but not [TS]

00:44:23   quite giving i do you really want to [TS]

00:44:29   know what my new year's resolutions are [TS]

00:44:30   yeah I don't wanna I don't want to beat [TS]

00:44:33   you [TS]

00:44:34   well i think you know the kind of [TS]

00:44:35   resolutions I wouldn't wanna hear about [TS]

00:44:36   haha you know it's how long are we into [TS]

00:44:41   this episode is it time for me to start [TS]

00:44:42   talking about all I know it almost [TS]

00:44:43   fucking january and having my back but I [TS]

00:44:47   know John John John what ru resolving to [TS]

00:44:50   do in the in the in the toaht 15 so [TS]

00:44:54   doing music bed here [TS]

00:44:57   yeah I look at me like you do have a [TS]

00:44:59   little like Rhodes piano and we have two [TS]

00:45:02   soft Rhodes piano you do that or I was [TS]

00:45:04   made for loving you by kiss just play [TS]

00:45:05   very quietly I don't think that's what I [TS]

00:45:09   would you were made to not be and [TS]

00:45:13   conversely pan men every one of them [TS]

00:45:16   oh my god Alvin Ailey fucking pan man [TS]

00:45:20   they almost to know how many of you like [TS]

00:45:22   to drink cold gin it's a really straight [TS]

00:45:24   for requests 100 but hey you're gonna [TS]

00:45:28   get dark know maybe you have too cute [TS]

00:45:32   I'm 67 you 67 years old to know and you [TS]

00:45:35   and he still gets onstage and takes his [TS]

00:45:37   fucking shirt off [TS]

00:45:38   yes he is a badass I think he's vegan [TS]

00:45:41   and just doesn't say so who knows man [TS]

00:45:43   that whatever he is i hated for 40 years [TS]

00:45:48   but now i can give a shit depressingly [TS]

00:45:52   admiring the light of his properties not [TS]

00:45:54   even grudging I say Paul Stanley [TS]

00:45:56   whatever you're made of [TS]

00:45:59   good lord i wish it could be bottled and [TS]

00:46:02   sold i mean gene Simmons you mean you [TS]

00:46:05   you get the sense that they that they [TS]

00:46:06   wheeled him to the stage in a handcart [TS]

00:46:09   and like shooting full of vitamin B and [TS]

00:46:15   you know and like and then there's some [TS]

00:46:17   kind of little like wrath of khan here [TS]

00:46:20   earlier but your ear scorpion that's in [TS]

00:46:25   his head [TS]

00:46:26   that's like saying motherfucker sing but [TS]

00:46:29   Paul Stanley I mean right now he's [TS]

00:46:32   probably on a fuckin jungle gym [TS]

00:46:33   somewhere I don't know how he doesn't [TS]

00:46:38   oh man can you imagine that the torture [TS]

00:46:41   dangerous intercourse that he has at his [TS]

00:46:43   age [TS]

00:46:44   oh my god this show so horrible i [TS]

00:46:47   remember seeing a video of them in a [TS]

00:46:48   tease around the time of the i want to [TS]

00:46:51   say when they you know look it up took [TS]

00:46:53   off the makeup and I just remember the [TS]

00:46:55   scene this video where they were i think [TS]

00:46:56   mine on vh1 in a very straightforward [TS]

00:46:58   way they were being interviewed for a [TS]

00:47:00   documentary and possibly i mean my head [TS]

00:47:03   he was in a hot tub he might have been a [TS]

00:47:04   bear rug but there actually were like [TS]

00:47:06   six girls in bikinis around him it was a [TS]

00:47:08   most interesting i've ever seen [TS]

00:47:10   [Music] [TS]

00:47:14   let me make you a tape you should let me [TS]

00:47:15   make you a tape of some good kid stuff [TS]

00:47:17   they really get you rolling with it I've [TS]

00:47:19   heard all the good comeback now that you [TS]

00:47:21   have your newfound appreciation for pam [TS]

00:47:23   and paul you should let me bring it back [TS]

00:47:25   around it so there's a surprising amount [TS]

00:47:27   of good kiss music I will not deny it [TS]

00:47:29   some of the better some of them was the [TS]

00:47:31   Petersons are really good [TS]

00:47:32   it's only it's only overshadowed and [TS]

00:47:35   contextualized by the fact that the [TS]

00:47:37   lion's share of kiss music is a garbage [TS]

00:47:40   keeping up on out it's like a hearing [TS]

00:47:42   you be performed by people who are [TS]

00:47:46   non-musicians and seal is being [TS]

00:47:49   performed by angry vending machines and [TS]

00:47:51   cepic also somehow reprehensible right i [TS]

00:47:55   mean it's like kisses reprehensible [TS]

00:47:57   yeah they seem more gross every year [TS]

00:47:59   even in retrospect yeah they're not it's [TS]

00:48:01   not that they are it's not that they are [TS]

00:48:03   diabolical which is what they think they [TS]

00:48:04   are and it's not that they are a like [TS]

00:48:08   somehow they're certainly not sensual [TS]

00:48:14   like whatever it is that def leppard and [TS]

00:48:17   led zeppelin had yeah where you get the [TS]

00:48:20   you get the sense that they are like [TS]

00:48:22   uh they're really bad things are [TS]

00:48:25   happening backstage bad in a good way [TS]

00:48:27   yeah with kiss it's just like no they're [TS]

00:48:30   just this this is where time is not on [TS]

00:48:32   their side as below insane family court [TS]

00:48:34   that's it that's the thing is like if [TS]

00:48:37   they had stopped in a tease you go out [TS]

00:48:39   look at that it's a bunch of like [TS]

00:48:41   sexually potent like elemental creatures [TS]

00:48:45   that got older and decided to call it [TS]

00:48:47   quits and now in retrospect all you can [TS]

00:48:49   see is like a creepy creepy uncle pinky [TS]

00:48:53   but like for the entire time now in [TS]

00:48:55   retrospect you go oh my god you always [TS]

00:48:57   been like the creepy uncle yeah right [TS]

00:48:59   what it's like it so you can just what [TS]

00:49:00   you've heard gene Simmons talking the [TS]

00:49:01   last 10 years you can you see the [TS]

00:49:03   interview from making 75 to go oh my god [TS]

00:49:04   you were already an old creep he was [TS]

00:49:06   already that way yeah I we've said it [TS]

00:49:09   before gene simmons is a is a Donald [TS]

00:49:11   Trump and dragon foods no good anyway so [TS]

00:49:18   by new years resolution yes is serious [TS]

00:49:22   it's really it's actually it's that I [TS]

00:49:25   don't usually make resolutions super [TS]

00:49:27   serious but i'm making a resolution it's [TS]

00:49:30   honest it's legit [TS]

00:49:31   it's legit ok i'm making and I'm making [TS]

00:49:34   an honest resolution which and and I and [TS]

00:49:37   I and I IRA hesitate to say because I've [TS]

00:49:42   because I've seen that this type of [TS]

00:49:43   thing before and i have i have no [TS]

00:49:46   authority over myself somehow but um I [TS]

00:49:51   don't I do not intend to direct my [TS]

00:49:55   energy any direction this year other [TS]

00:49:59   than in the direction of making music [TS]

00:50:01   whoa I'm not gonna I'm not gonna [TS]

00:50:06   directed in the direction of being a [TS]

00:50:08   talk show host or a feature writer or a [TS]

00:50:13   like a dumb a comedy persona or a goofus [TS]

00:50:19   smooth mcgroove office or a you know a [TS]

00:50:23   dingbat mcdonald hey i'm gonna get at [TS]

00:50:26   the group that i'm good just I'm not am [TS]

00:50:31   I gonna do any of that going out to the [TS]

00:50:32   shed [TS]

00:50:33   I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna see what [TS]

00:50:36   lives in the in the music in the music [TS]

00:50:41   bed and the music friends and exciting [TS]

00:50:43   decision John yeah because they're you [TS]

00:50:46   know music I've never stopped playing [TS]

00:50:47   music and I've never stopped tinkering [TS]

00:50:51   with music and it's what people want [TS]

00:50:57   from me but more importantly it's this [TS]

00:51:01   it's this idea of like did I stop [TS]

00:51:04   writing new music because i wanted to [TS]

00:51:08   stop writing music or do I stop writing [TS]

00:51:10   music because I just succumbed to not [TS]

00:51:16   writing new music do you know it wasn't [TS]

00:51:18   a decision or was it a fait accompli and [TS]

00:51:22   he will give yourself a year to figure [TS]

00:51:23   that out ya do I want to live the rest [TS]

00:51:25   of my life having had that having and [TS]

00:51:29   made that decision just as a sort of [TS]

00:51:30   like well blue no i don't if I don't [TS]

00:51:34   want to write music anymore i want to [TS]

00:51:35   say like you know what I'm i do i'm not [TS]

00:51:37   going to do this anymore i'm gonna do [TS]

00:51:38   something else but not this like I'm [TS]

00:51:41   animals in the boob director mealy-mouth [TS]

00:51:43   kind of hunan decision [TS]

00:51:46   um and so I got I got I i spent a year [TS]

00:51:49   last year doing my talk show every week [TS]

00:51:53   in Seattle and I learned a lot but one [TS]

00:51:56   of the things i learned was that what I [TS]

00:52:00   ended up doing was going in the [TS]

00:52:01   direction of what I already knew huh [TS]

00:52:06   right like when that whenever I came to [TS]

00:52:08   a crossroads and I was like well you can [TS]

00:52:11   you can start to try this thing which is [TS]

00:52:15   like uncomfortable and you know like [TS]

00:52:18   basically what it was was that first [TS]

00:52:20   show that i did my first talk show where [TS]

00:52:22   I wrote my monologue and I got up there [TS]

00:52:25   and I was covered in flop sweat and I I [TS]

00:52:29   didn't want to read the monologue so i [TS]

00:52:30   was trying to recall it and it will [TS]

00:52:33   combine you gotta go one way or another [TS]

00:52:35   yeah it wasn't funny I was I was I was [TS]

00:52:38   reaching for this thing that I'd written [TS]

00:52:40   and I couldn't lay my hands on it and so [TS]

00:52:44   over the course of the next month or so [TS]

00:52:46   I did less and less preparation [TS]

00:52:49   and more and more improvisation and the [TS]

00:52:51   show got better and better and I was [TS]

00:52:52   happier and happier and i took that as a [TS]

00:52:55   lesson like well go in the direction of [TS]

00:52:58   your happiness right you didn't do this [TS]

00:53:00   show to make yourself unhappy and so I [TS]

00:53:04   pursued the direction of my happiness [TS]

00:53:06   which was in the direction of what I [TS]

00:53:08   already knew how to do which was get up [TS]

00:53:11   and tell a 25-minute story about a [TS]

00:53:13   10-minute walk and that if I had said no [TS]

00:53:20   you know what the structure of the show [TS]

00:53:21   is that every week you're going to write [TS]

00:53:22   a monologue and you're going to figure [TS]

00:53:25   out how to deliver it i would have the [TS]

00:53:29   show would have been super uncomfortable [TS]

00:53:31   and super hard but now a year later I [TS]

00:53:35   would know more i would i would have [TS]

00:53:39   learned more because I would have been [TS]

00:53:43   learning something and learning a new [TS]

00:53:46   skill instead of instead of luxuriating [TS]

00:53:50   in a thing I knew how to do not you mean [TS]

00:53:52   and so I feel I don't feel like the the [TS]

00:53:55   year was wasted I don't feel like the [TS]

00:53:57   show was wasted [TS]

00:53:59   um it was all it was all a good learning [TS]

00:54:03   experience but when I look back at it [TS]

00:54:06   the key component in my life that's [TS]

00:54:08   missing is a relationship to work and I [TS]

00:54:12   did everything I could to make that show [TS]

00:54:14   not work for me to do and I need to that [TS]

00:54:21   isn't what i need to do i need to learn [TS]

00:54:22   how to work [TS]

00:54:25   I don't want to work I don't I do not [TS]

00:54:29   want to have to work i bought a lottery [TS]

00:54:32   ticket [TS]

00:54:33   the only kidding I you know I bought out [TS]

00:54:36   fucking lottery ticket because every [TS]

00:54:40   little cell and my body is saying oh [TS]

00:54:42   please please please please find a way [TS]

00:54:45   to not have to face work over not even [TS]

00:54:50   to not have to work but do not have to [TS]

00:54:51   face work [TS]

00:54:54   and I just can't I can't do it anymore I [TS]

00:54:57   can't do it for the rest of my life [TS]

00:54:59   yeah so that's my name is represented [TS]

00:55:01   great resolution man face work at which [TS]

00:55:04   to me is writing songs [TS]

00:55:06   there's a lot to that though you got [TS]

00:55:08   that you got the the writing and you've [TS]

00:55:11   got the recording and and the playing [TS]

00:55:13   and now i'm talking like The Cosby but [TS]

00:55:15   you are but you're ready to embrace [TS]

00:55:17   really kind of immersing yourself it [TS]

00:55:20   sounds like you know and it's a it's a [TS]

00:55:23   huge process that involves a lot of [TS]

00:55:24   financial investment it involves a lot i [TS]

00:55:27   mean a tremendous risk in the sense that [TS]

00:55:30   I mean not in a way not a tremendous [TS]

00:55:35   risk because if I the way that the world [TS]

00:55:37   has changed if i put out music now [TS]

00:55:40   somebody will want it it's not like [TS]

00:55:45   before where I could hand in a record [TS]

00:55:47   and the record label would say well we [TS]

00:55:51   can't support this and then there would [TS]

00:55:53   be the end like I can amanda palmer it [TS]

00:55:57   and put it out there and there will be [TS]

00:55:59   people who find us though the risk is [TS]

00:56:02   only the same risk I've always been [TS]

00:56:03   taking which is what if everybody in the [TS]

00:56:06   world doesn't love me unconditionally [TS]

00:56:07   yeah yeah yeah and you know what that's [TS]

00:56:10   not any different at risk isn't any [TS]

00:56:12   different [TS]

00:56:13   yeah and you know finding the answer [TS]

00:56:14   that question is never going to be as [TS]

00:56:16   satisfying are useful as you might hope [TS]

00:56:18   however that turns out you're right [TS]

00:56:19   you're absolutely right much I you know [TS]

00:56:21   I happen to know you're right i'm aware [TS]

00:56:24   of this and so so i just have to I just [TS]

00:56:28   have to do it and and all the way there [TS]

00:56:29   was another guy in the world likes me [TS]

00:56:32   shit i'm gonna go make something that [TS]

00:56:34   wait a minute wait a minute are you sure [TS]

00:56:36   they're not everybody in the world like [TS]

00:56:37   Dez I like you [TS]

00:56:42   thank you i like as you John yeah only [TS]

00:56:45   three more days left in the year cells [TS]

00:56:47   and that amazing so I had a shiny new [TS]

00:56:49   year i have three more days to sit in [TS]

00:56:52   the bathtub and say work works for jerks [TS]

00:56:58   you could use that write that down put [TS]

00:57:00   that in your your lyric book works for [TS]

00:57:02   jerks regenexx and then in the new year [TS]

00:57:05   I'm gonna have to wake up and say work [TS]

00:57:07   is not for jerks it's the only thing [TS]

00:57:10   really that gives life meaning work is [TS]

00:57:13   the only thing leisure does not give [TS]

00:57:16   life meaning [TS]

00:57:16   yeah the hard part is getting started in [TS]

00:57:20   any other part in our car is continuing [TS]

00:57:22   yeah and then finishing that supposed to [TS]

00:57:25   mean it's hard for hard part's three [TS]

00:57:26   hard part's the three hard parts are [TS]

00:57:28   actually enable bye-bye [TS]