Roderick on the Line

Ep. 136: "Goofus MacGroofus"

 

  this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

  sponsored by cards against humanity they [TS]

  asked us not to read an ad [TS]

  hey just enjoy the show [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  hello hi John hi Merlin how's it going [TS]

  good what a day [TS]

  k so k saudia case i have you ever eaten [TS]

  cheese no hide have not had any food [TS]

  today uh I'm subsisting entirely on pure [TS]

  energy [TS]

  oh god I'm a mess are you did you have [TS]

  some food you go down to the taco bell [TS]

  and get a couple hot dogs [TS]

  Oh will be tied me on the day they start [TS]

  having hot dogs at the bell who can you [TS]

  imagine if they added just one more [TS]

  ingredient hot dogs up i know one of our [TS]

  dogs you know what if they want this [TS]

  idea is going to cost from seven hundred [TS]

  thousand dollars but here's my thought [TS]

  interesting dogs hot dogs first of all [TS]

  you want you can sell hotdogs hotdogs as [TS]

  a thing everybody likes those you can [TS]

  chop them into discs discs like the size [TS]

  of the tip of your thumb and you can [TS]

  begin to a famous bowl taco and Frank's [TS]

  talking all and Frank so here's the [TS]

  thing you could cut a hot dog in half [TS]

  lengthwise and make it a hot dog go dog [TS]

  oh well you had taco it's just always [TS]

  you it's a thing right you fill it with [TS]

  taco stuffings but instead of the taco [TS]

  you would have a hot dog hot dogs [TS]

  hi dude hot dogs we go through phases at [TS]

  our house where we forget about hot dogs [TS]

  for six months and then we get we get a [TS]

  couple packs of like some Nathan's and [TS]

  we go crazy on hot dogs for a while [TS]

  yeah i've started eating the Nathans [TS]

  that you know they make jumbo Nathan's [TS]

  have you seen yeah it's like it's like [TS]

  five in a pack [TS]

  yeah I don't very confusing but i do [TS]

  that i've been i've been pretty happy [TS]

  with those i have ever told you about my [TS]

  about chili [TS]

  um i'm going to say no never told you my [TS]

  story of chili thus oh god no i don't [TS]

  know the story of chili [TS]

  well guys a Marvel origin here yeah it [TS]

  is it really is and i don't mean the [TS]

  story of chilly when i was a kid i did [TS]

  not like chill [TS]

  I didn't like chili because it had beans [TS]

  in it and I didn't like beings i didn't [TS]

  like beans because i didn't like [TS]

  vegetables and beans adventure secret [TS]

  vegetable yeah and so at a when i was [TS]

  when i was a kid i was extremely picky [TS]

  eater I didn't eat [TS]

  I hardly ate anything and one of the [TS]

  things i didn't eat was chilly and uh I [TS]

  was revolted by chili [TS]

  well at Mount Alyeska where I was a [TS]

  member of the junior racers ski team on [TS]

  the top of the mountain was the original [TS]

  structure that was the top of chair 1 [TS]

  the chair the first chair lift the first [TS]

  chair lift went up and went kind of in [TS]

  underneath this building actually the [TS]

  you would get off the chair the chair [TS]

  would go it would rotate around its hub [TS]

  underneath the building which was called [TS]

  the Roundhouse guess why because of the [TS]

  roundness of the structure and making [TS]

  the chair pivot that's right it was a it [TS]

  wasn't actually a roundhouse it was like [TS]

  an octagon old building but it was [TS]

  effectively round and it is the check [TS]

  comes around then that takes people down [TS]

  that's right the Roundhouse at Mount [TS]

  Alyeska and the Roundhouse was a on the [TS]

  top floor it was it was the place on the [TS]

  top of the mountain where you would go [TS]

  and get a hot chocolate it was the bar [TS]

  you could get you could get some hot [TS]

  drinks and some time before I was a kid [TS]

  sometime in the late sixties they added [TS]

  in addition to the back of the [TS]

  Roundhouse which was kind of a big [TS]

  dining long area and it was it was all [TS]

  shingled in cedar shingles including the [TS]

  roof and the the furniture inside was in [TS]

  the like heavy wood picnic table style [TS]

  of furniture over i think in the bar [TS]

  they had tables and chairs but back in [TS]

  the in the Roundhouse where the kids [TS]

  could go [TS]

  it was just big picnic tables anyway at [TS]

  the Roundhouse one of the foods that [TS]

  they offered was [TS]

  really and they made chili burgers and [TS]

  they made chili dogs and also chili and [TS]

  so I would go in there every day at in [TS]

  the middle of the day at lunchtime with [TS]

  my friends we would you know ski up kick [TS]

  our skis off is it is a pretty handsome [TS]

  looking building it's very nice kind of [TS]

  old world [TS]

  yep we would clump into the Roundhouse [TS]

  you have to climb up some stairs and [TS]

  then you go in there was a there was a [TS]

  poor should a deck on the outside but [TS]

  you clump into the Roundhouse and you [TS]

  could get a hamburger cheeseburger a [TS]

  hotdog and then all of those things with [TS]

  chili on them and then fries which I [TS]

  also didn't need to because i didn't [TS]

  like potatoes because potatoes were a [TS]

  vegetable [TS]

  so my whole childhood security it's [TS]

  conceptually that their vegetables it's [TS]

  just the whole idea that their [TS]

  vegetables that's right that's right i [TS]

  was a time and that was plenty for you [TS]

  just not even touch up well and also [TS]

  because potatoes and beans share a [TS]

  commonality which is that they have a [TS]

  mealy texture that's true and I don't [TS]

  like melee didn't like me lee and i [TS]

  associated it with a certain kind of [TS]

  starchy vegetable of which beans and [TS]

  potatoes to me where the exemplars so I [TS]

  would sit at the Brown House day after [TS]

  day eating my cheeseburger or my hot dog [TS]

  while my friends across the table 8 [TS]

  their chili cheeseburger or their chili [TS]

  dog and the Roundhouse serve these foods [TS]

  on big platters and it was a pile of [TS]

  chili you couldn't see the cheeseburger [TS]

  under the chili you couldn't see the hot [TS]

  dog under the chili [TS]

  it was a mountain of food and i SAT [TS]

  across from this day after day [TS]

  throughout my entire childhood and then [TS]

  at a certain point in my adult life I [TS]

  realized that I had been a fool and in [TS]

  addition to all the other new foods that [TS]

  I was trying and learning to like I [TS]

  tried chili for the first time and I [TS]

  realized that chili is the perfect food [TS]

  it has all the ingredients as beings and [TS]

  as chili powder so what happened did you [TS]

  just did you try and actually just [TS]

  picking the beans out [TS]

  well no it was too late I was not a kid [TS]

  anymore [TS]

  oh I was not living in Alaska anymore i [TS]

  could not go back in time I could not go [TS]

  back and have all those chili burgers [TS]

  and I had failed to have there was no [TS]

  going home again I'd blown it and when I [TS]

  finally did go back to the Roundhouse as [TS]

  an adult and order a chili burger it had [TS]

  changed there wasn't the same the two [TS]

  wasn't enough chili that the new recipe [TS]

  the resort had been purchased by a [TS]

  Japanese conglomerate well and they [TS]

  built a new hotel potential caller they [TS]

  built a new round house [TS]

  no not getting smaller things they tore [TS]

  it down and they built a i mean i think [TS]

  the Roundhouse itself maybe still since [TS]

  thats that's sickening John but the [TS]

  dining room is this giant poured [TS]

  concrete area with the lots of a lots of [TS]

  coke products and branding and all kinds [TS]

  of foods and the it was gone the smell [TS]

  of cedar the the cigarette smoke the [TS]

  chili burgers and so because because of [TS]

  that I've spent the rest of my life [TS]

  trying to eat every chili burger I can [TS]

  to try and make up to fill that chili [TS]

  burger sized hole in my heart that's [TS]

  miserable right [TS]

  I hate what stuff changes well and I in [TS]

  and the thing is i wish that i had [TS]

  changed and the chili burger had stayed [TS]

  the same [TS]

  this is like a harry chapin song the cat [TS]

  is in the chili burger and the silver [TS]

  spoon it couldn't see the chili for the [TS]

  beans [TS]

  that's right that is exactly what it was [TS]

  my boys just like me and and so [TS]

  talk about memory well what now the nice [TS]

  part for me growing up in cincinnati [TS]

  with our weird-ass chili is in a minute [TS]

  yeah I told the story hundred times but [TS]

  the nice thing about going to get [TS]

  cincinnati chili I was you I you know [TS]

  did you know about the different ways [TS]

  it's not sure you got it takes away the [TS]

  five-way in the two-way an American [TS]

  responders i think a three-way is [TS]

  spaghetti of course because you put [TS]

  chili and spaghetti right spaghetti [TS]

  chili onions and cheese no cheese [TS]

  I think of solar way forward with onions [TS]

  and then of course five ways when you're [TS]

  really getting grown-up that's when you [TS]

  get the beans the beans on top of the [TS]

  chili because the Cincinnati chili [TS]

  doesn't have been you can get it did [TS]

  they did they yeah it's it's all in [TS]

  there and I think it comes on a plate [TS]

  skyline chili or you can go to impress [TS]

  if that's how you roll but a I think the [TS]

  whole thing was like a dollar [TS]

  thirty-five yeah my uh I personally [TS]

  would really like Cincinnati style chili [TS]

  I do too I do too you know it's [TS]

  interesting all the different to our [TS]

  regional variations you get the chili [TS]

  you got BBQ you know everybody's got [TS]

  their own little uh and premature [TS]

  haven't you missed out on that was so so [TS]

  anyway i buy i buy these hot dogs these [TS]

  Nathan's Famous hot dogs get his giant [TS]

  ones because when i make chili I kind of [TS]

  can't conceive of it or rather it is it [TS]

  is it is a exponentially improved if I [TS]

  pored over a hot dog or over amber [TS]

  because i'm trying to get back to the to [TS]

  the roundhouse in Girdwood this is your [TS]

  this is your your Madeline in the tea [TS]

  that's right this is my rosebud hmm is [TS]

  that just the chili dog burger in the [TS]

  Roundhouse and so I'm always trying to [TS]

  I'm always trying to make it and I and [TS]

  so I eat hot dogs but I eat them I eat [TS]

  them entirely as a it's basically what [TS]

  you're saying it's a taco dog except [TS]

  with chili and and I do the thing that I [TS]

  like which is I cover the whole plate [TS]

  with chili and you can't see the food [TS]

  underneath it all I bury it [TS]

  it is like a political prisoner yes [TS]

  didn't see whatever uncover with chili [TS]

  told you know now in the modern era in [TS]

  the contemporary with the wolf chili [TS]

  obviously whatever we got in the fridge [TS]

  what do we got thrown yeah you got rice [TS]

  you got you got you know you got [TS]

  whatever i'm just saying I'm two minutes [TS]

  away from pleasure pleasure committee [TS]

  well let me give you a little life hack [TS]

  I'm ready throw in half a bag of frozen [TS]

  chopped kale [TS]

  oh that's good fries and kale is better [TS]

  than it sounds [TS]

  right so you take a take a one-pound bag [TS]

  of frozen kale you throw a half a pound [TS]

  of frozen kale into your chili it [TS]

  basically just it taste it thickens it [TS]

  it darkens the taste a little bit and [TS]

  you know using the the inescapable logic [TS]

  you are also now eating super healthy [TS]

  food [TS]

  life hack into this life hack you know [TS]

  you just made a quarter of a pound of [TS]

  kale em and you don't even notice that [TS]

  because you were you were busy trying to [TS]

  smother this chili dog and we were water [TS]

  boarding water boarding this hot dog [TS]

  with chili can get a lottery then the [TS]

  next morning [TS]

  oh my goodness nothing about chilly [TS]

  though is it you know what what probably [TS]

  people to care but this is something [TS]

  that needs to be said I think people in [TS]

  Australia and England and Germany are [TS]

  you have that they have their pens out [TS]

  and they are writing every word we say [TS]

  about chilly down well here's here's a [TS]

  couple nice things about chili is it [TS]

  chilly as a pivot so on the one hand you [TS]

  can put chili on almost anything and it [TS]

  will improve you could put on a banana [TS]

  I don't care it'll be better than the [TS]

  other nice thing is you can add stuff to [TS]

  your chili I know this seems obvious [TS]

  Americans but you know you've got a [TS]

  little bit of leftover ribeye cut it up [TS]

  right in the chili oh my god you get [TS]

  that flavor country the other day i was [TS]

  making chili and in my cupboard i have [TS]

  had several cans of Heinz beans classic [TS]

  English beans classic English means that [TS]

  they eat with their breakfasts their [TS]

  income their their English breakfast [TS]

  they're uniformly gray colored English [TS]

  breakfasts they always have some beans [TS]

  some hot beans and ketchup is basically [TS]

  what it is sliced tomato [TS]

  and I get a great slice of tomato some [TS]

  some blood sausage if you're being fancy [TS]

  and you got some nice mask that's a [TS]

  bacon you got the other kind of sausage [TS]

  to go with the blood sausage and then [TS]

  you know some some of them don't have [TS]

  the beans but i think the beans are [TS]

  pretty canonical and so somebody gave me [TS]

  some canned Heinz beans because they're [TS]

  like oh you're a man of the world [TS]

  I'm like really this is what this is how [TS]

  you express man of the world the main [TS]

  lines beans they're like they're [TS]

  imported beans from England and I had [TS]

  him in my cupboard and I was like ah I [TS]

  kind of sometimes do crave a classic [TS]

  English breakfast [TS]

  oh my god me too I get that I get the [TS]

  full irish I just go and say two words [TS]

  full irish full irish word you get a [TS]

  full irish breakfast in Tahlequah to [TS]

  place my daughter and I referred to [TS]

  simply as Irish Breakfast doesn't my [TS]

  place is called we call an Irish [TS]

  Breakfast yyyy not visited ho ho you go [TS]

  in there do you know they used to have [TS]

  the mixed grill they discontinued the [TS]

  mixed girl the mix car better [TS]

  that was when our top no but the the I [TS]

  think I you know there's a part of me [TS]

  that wonders of beans are almost like [TS]

  the british version of macaroni and [TS]

  cheese because it's cheap comfort food [TS]

  shop for it i believe it's true and and [TS]

  it's also a vegetable em anyway so i'm [TS]

  making chili and I was like what happens [TS]

  if you put Heinz beans in chili because [TS]

  I'd already put a couple of cans of [TS]

  beans and some other beings a monster [TS]

  various means you're like I don't think [TS]

  it's time I was like you know what I'm [TS]

  putting kalin this chilli I'm gonna [TS]

  fucking put some Heinz beans in there [TS]

  and I dumped a can of Heinz beans and [TS]

  they you know they're white beans are [TS]

  there a different kind of being that are [TS]

  whiter whiter kind of being that which [TS]

  is my favorite Procol Harum song wasn't [TS]

  minutes and and then all of a sudden the [TS]

  chili is just like just lifts off into [TS]

  this other realm of like it became a [TS]

  kind of chilly that I wanted to put a [TS]

  bowl of this chilly in front of someone [TS]

  just to register their surprise and [TS]

  delight like you're likely but it's not [TS]

  the chili you think it is [TS]

  that's right they would look at maybe [TS]

  like there's what's going on in this [TS]

  chilly there there there 40 different [TS]

  realities you don't mind John I find [TS]

  that people really enjoy it when you put [TS]

  a plate of food in front [TS]

  when you're smiling and you could try [TS]

  this hey you think you've had food [TS]

  try this welcome to Chile hacker working [TS]

  welcome to do welcome to Chile town i [TS]

  have had my star my favorite Dan Harmon [TS]

  show [TS]

  oh yeah there's my girl [TS]

  haha you're 50 a piece of paper stuck in [TS]

  I i just want to say you know every man [TS]

  has a little bit of pan man in him [TS]

  mm right because you can't have a pan [TS]

  man without being a man there maybe pan [TS]

  ladies but i think is canonically a pan [TS]

  man i'm following you so far I've know [TS]

  some people don't want you people ask us [TS]

  about this and I don't know I feel say [TS]

  go we're gonna like I can go to someone [TS]

  episode and go like let me explain what [TS]

  a pan man is I don't know we've ever [TS]

  exactly describe all you need to know [TS]

  it's sammy hagar it's guy feel dat unity [TS]

  you gotta say it like that you know what [TS]

  you're looking pan mane thing to do [TS]

  community [TS]

  it doesn't really CPX dat but you gotta [TS]

  okay so here's the here's here's the [TS]

  part of having a being a pan man i think [TS]

  i'm gonna get you to jump in [TS]

  well be in the the classic pan man [TS]

  thinks you should probably have a very [TS]

  silly goatee [TS]

  this may be a little long yes that you [TS]

  can't help write like a goatee that you [TS]

  just almost can't help [TS]

  no no yeah it's not like you're a guy [TS]

  with a full beard and you shave it into [TS]

  a goatee its like your face just makes [TS]

  go to use yeah you've got you've got a [TS]

  genetic cote beard yeah and then you [TS]

  should have some kind of stupid hair [TS]

  maybe frosted could be could be ginger [TS]

  ringlets could be ginger Inglis it could [TS]

  be it could be highlights right spiky [TS]

  highlight some kind of fucked-up hair [TS]

  okay and then from there it spreads out [TS]

  a little bit it could involve Hawaiian [TS]

  shirt shirts it could involve jam shorts [TS]

  you probably wear flip-flops sure and i [TS]

  think one of the canonical things [TS]

  wouldn't you say is you can't get it hot [TS]

  enough for them haha i think you can't [TS]

  get it hot enough for them and so you [TS]

  think you actually have a canonical test [TS]

  you have a Turing test pan mentoring [TS]

  test which is do you want jalapenos with [TS]

  that to which he always sits pacman [TS]

  always gonna say yeah [TS]

  yeah fuck yeah I want jalapenos with [TS]

  that i think i think a pan man it says [TS]

  woo an awful lot [TS]

  30 our dog maybe I think he calls you [TS]

  dawg I think he calls you bro i think [TS]

  you is gonna he's gonna you know in a [TS]

  way this is what's weird in a way maybe [TS]

  George Bush is a little bit more about [TS]

  George W Bush he's a closet pan man he's [TS]

  a little bit closer to pan man because [TS]

  of his his habit of nicknaming everybody [TS]

  everything kind of like hey what's up an [TS]

  see why because I'm wearing pants yah [TS]

  pants see what's the matter you don't [TS]

  like being called fancy also also also [TS]

  um not just sunglasses they should [TS]

  preferably be wraparound mirrored [TS]

  sunglasses on one of those douchey [TS]

  froggy things you should have or you [TS]

  wear them on the back of your neck now [TS]

  we're getting into the ugh for a little [TS]

  bit [TS]

  anytime you wear your head or your [TS]

  sunglasses on the back of the neck you [TS]

  are you're very very close to pan mane [TS]

  and i would say there are no ectomorph [TS]

  expand men [TS]

  Oh like I could nip at the waist you [TS]

  usually a little bit pen men are [TS]

  typically endo more i'm just gonna throw [TS]

  that out there as a kind of like at the [TS]

  end there may be some mesomorphic pan [TS]

  but i think most of them are endomorphs [TS]

  you could not pan man with a Macklemore [TS]

  haircut but that's a very that's a very [TS]

  modern offshoot that would be I you know [TS]

  they're Macklemore haircuts they are [TS]

  proliferating they are they are like oh [TS]

  my god Merlin they're like they're like [TS]

  dandelion seeds just since we talked [TS]

  about it i've seen so many more now I [TS]

  see it everywhere but i don't think that [TS]

  that is that's not a typical that's not [TS]

  that's not all the way payment i think [TS]

  pan man has has a lot of body hair who [TS]

  and I and I think I think what it is [TS]

  ultimately is that they feel connected [TS]

  to the spirit of having fun living in [TS]

  the now being here now and this is [TS]

  what's so confusing about Matthew [TS]

  McConaughey em because Matthew [TS]

  McConaughey is a by all appearance [TS]

  this is a fairly normal human but he's [TS]

  had a some kind of pan mane personality [TS]

  transplant [TS]

  uh-huh he's a pan man living inside the [TS]

  body of a normal man [TS]

  mm and that's why I that's why I i have [TS]

  such a hard time grappling with Matthew [TS]

  McConaughey yeah he doesn't he doesn't [TS]

  really fit the dominant paradigm know [TS]

  and yet as soon as he opens his mouth [TS]

  you're like pac-man yes alright alright [TS]

  alright so so it's about michael anthony [TS]

  of uh Van Halen ultimate ultimate sort [TS]

  of panic if you have a musical [TS]

  instrument shaped like a liquor bottle [TS]

  you're probably a pan man if you look at [TS]

  van Halen you look at some standing [TS]

  against the wall in 1977 and you look at [TS]

  michael anthony and you think like ah [TS]

  buddy [TS]

  god I'm sorry it's like I used to work [TS]

  at the hardware store [TS]

  yeah like it's gotta be tough to be [TS]

  michael anthony and yet in no photograph [TS]

  of michael anthony at any time do you [TS]

  ever register the sense that it is tough [TS]

  and smilin he's having the best time [TS]

  he's enjoying being in fucking van Halen [TS]

  you really really is and not for us [TS]

  understand from a brick wall looking sad [TS]

  nope not for a second does he think to [TS]

  himself I'm the only guy on stage right [TS]

  now that's wearing a shirt right yeah [TS]

  yeah yeah those times when you like [TS]

  something else something on the chess [TS]

  King oh but Michael he's gotta wear a [TS]

  shirt all because everybody else has got [TS]

  their shirt off and Michael Anthony is a [TS]

  little bit of an end more than he's got [TS]

  boobs [TS]

  he's got to keep his shirt on but he [TS]

  doesn't give a fuck now having a great [TS]

  time and that is characteristic ban give [TS]

  no fucks a guy he's not giving seems [TS]

  like here's my concern and John this is [TS]

  a secret shame but I feel like it's [TS]

  something i need to bring you something [TS]

  I've been noticing about myself and I [TS]

  want to get your thoughts on what it [TS]

  might mean I have been adding hot sauce [TS]

  to foods lately [TS]

  yeah let's [TS]

  general but I mean it's not worrisome a [TS]

  little bit and specifically let me just [TS]

  say it [TS]

  I've been adding sriracha two things [TS]

  right as well no sriracha is the new [TS]

  bacon of the internet but but sriracha [TS]

  or a little bit of tapatio but like I've [TS]

  started saucing things are you doing [TS]

  worrisome you're afraid in the same way [TS]

  that like if somebody doesn't a like [TS]

  slap your balls with the with a leather [TS]

  luggage tag you can't come [TS]

  isn't the German shoot me like there's [TS]

  not there it's called us talk about [TS]

  swapping there's any given day or [TS]

  luggage tag there's a fear there's a [TS]

  fear that if you slap your balls once [TS]

  with a leather luggage tag never go back [TS]

  you're gonna be like fuck now i can't [TS]

  really get down now i'm going to i'm [TS]

  curious i'm tagged curious so it's just [TS]

  we might get chilly i added to Chile [TS]

  sometimes added to other things I still [TS]

  like you know a lot of soy sauce to [TS]

  something but I do find myself and ok [TS]

  into the worst so I've heard some people [TS]

  say I maybe Churchill who said this was [TS]

  somebody said you know you can judge a [TS]

  person he will judge a person by whether [TS]

  they sought their food before they've [TS]

  tasted it [TS]

  sign of poor character sure course and I [TS]

  do find myself sometimes putting on [TS]

  garage before i even tasted it [TS]

  well you are this worrisome should I [TS]

  worry the thing is that you [TS]

  I in me you have a you have found a man [TS]

  of solidarity because I wench sriracha [TS]

  is available i just grabbed it and a [TS]

  matter of course I just give it one huge [TS]

  squeeze squared the wrister into [TS]

  whatever I'm doing [TS]

  yeah and that came about I think as a [TS]

  result of being trained in the art of [TS]

  eating fun [TS]

  follow follow I was it was explained to [TS]

  me once by a Vietnamese lady that you [TS]

  should always when you say the word fun [TS]

  i don't i don't mean this to be like fee [TS]

  dat but when you say the word fuck you [TS]

  should always say it like a question you [TS]

  should always turn it up at the end [TS]

  hi oh so when now I do that everybody's [TS]

  like what I'm flow but when when when [TS]

  when I first was instructed in fuck this [TS]

  lady have told me this story i'm sure [TS]

  right where i went into a restaurant and [TS]

  the the woman came out it was right at [TS]

  the time when tha was being introduced [TS]

  to American audiences soon my favorite [TS]

  kind of came out of nowhere in the late [TS]

  nineties yeah yeah well and in Seattle [TS]

  it was the early nineties there were a [TS]

  lot of Vietnamese here and i'm sure they [TS]

  initially opened restaurants where they [TS]

  served chinese food or whatever because [TS]

  it was all that all that their their [TS]

  audience could understand ya little goo [TS]

  gai pan [TS]

  yeah they do you know like a like [TS]

  chicken cashew nuts and then they [TS]

  started introducing and I remember this [TS]

  happening at a little restaurant that I [TS]

  used to eat at all the time the the [TS]

  you'd see a new item on the menu and [TS]

  you'd be like her with I wonder what the [TS]

  heck that is [TS]

  you know what is a board was a bond me [TS]

  whatever it may be like how would you [TS]

  like to try our sandwich and you're like [TS]

  I guess I'll try sandwich and then out [TS]

  comes this thing you're like this is the [TS]

  most amazing thing in the world this [TS]

  isn't it absolutely should not work and [TS]

  they're like well we're not actually [TS]

  chinese or vietnamese and likely mission [TS]

  impossible if they pull away latex false [TS]

  face and exactly the same wondering if [TS]

  you'd like [TS]

  oh IC and so one day I walked in and [TS]

  there was a little sign on the table and [TS]

  it said try our beef soup [TS]

  oh yeah and it was a rainy day cold [TS]

  rainy day and though uh and this was a [TS]

  restaurant where normally the waitresses [TS]

  were there ten-year-old daughter and [TS]

  their 12-year old daughter and I had a [TS]

  very good relationship with both of the [TS]

  girls but on this day it it wasn't the [TS]

  mother that came over [TS]

  to take my order it was her mother the [TS]

  grandmother that I'd only ever seen in [TS]

  the back like making the food and she [TS]

  came out and I was like I'm curious [TS]

  about this beef soup and she said done [TS]

  and off she goes into the kitchen kind [TS]

  of excited and I was kind of excited and [TS]

  then she came out with the soup and she [TS]

  said you've never had this before and I [TS]

  said no and she sat down at the table [TS]

  with me and I have this madness [TS]

  recollection that she actually sat in my [TS]

  chair like she scooted my butt over and [TS]

  sat on the edge of my chair the nice [TS]

  memory and I'm like Hello and she [TS]

  proceeded to prepare my father my father [TS]

  for me and she went through this whole [TS]

  like and then you do this and then you [TS]

  put in the plum sauce and then you hit [TS]

  it with the hot sauce and then the [TS]

  jalapenos and then pepper and then fish [TS]

  oil and then you know she's just like [TS]

  blah blah and I was that i was watching [TS]

  the whole thing and just like a little [TS]

  horrified because I would not have put [TS]

  any plum sauce and myself nor certainly [TS]

  no fish oil [TS]

  I wouldn't have squeeze the lime and I [TS]

  would have done any of these things I [TS]

  would have just eaten the soup and left [TS]

  all that roughage on the plate but she [TS]

  did it for me all the basil and stuff [TS]

  and then she's like she did that thing [TS]

  that that woman in Austria did to me [TS]

  where she stood up a gesture at the soup [TS]

  and then indicated that she was gonna [TS]

  stand there and watch me eat it and I [TS]

  ate it and so from that moment on [TS]

  whenever I sit down at any meal and [TS]

  there are comments on the table and [TS]

  other things I just sort of go [TS]

  why thank you know fish oil and I just [TS]

  make everything like fun i'm very [TS]

  attracted to foods that you get to [TS]

  fiddle with it might be a form of eating [TS]

  disorder but even like what I have pizza [TS]

  like I have lots of you know different [TS]

  kinds and measures of things I'd like to [TS]

  put on there and it's [TS]

  certain way i think it's fun when I get [TS]

  like takeout from the thai restaurant [TS]

  and it comes with this additional like [TS]

  to get the little paper thing full of [TS]

  all the stuff to put in [TS]

  that's fun to me I like yeah like don't [TS]

  know and soup now let me to ask you this [TS]

  if you have a plate of food with like [TS]

  six different things on it [TS]

  do you want those things to touch each [TS]

  other or do you want those things to not [TS]

  touch each other I don't have a strong [TS]

  feeling I had never been concerned about [TS]

  the food touching and I always honestly [TS]

  again just disclosed I've always thought [TS]

  it was kind of weird how many kids would [TS]

  freak out about it but I'm guessing [TS]

  you're a non-food touches a child I [TS]

  wearing uniformly white non vegetable [TS]

  food you were probably pretty picky [TS]

  about your plate too well what I'd what [TS]

  I do is I eat in order [TS]

  do you like it do you are you are you [TS]

  eat one thing at a time where you like [TS]

  it all to finish it once well so if a [TS]

  plane arrives and there are five [TS]

  different discrete foods and five rivers [TS]

  discreet piles I go around and I eat [TS]

  some from me pile in sort of clockwise [TS]

  until it's all gone [TS]

  oh yeah i'm moving a pattern I i do [TS]

  kinda like them all to finish at the [TS]

  same time but I'm also a goulash lover [TS]

  and if there's any way that I can like [TS]

  get a bim bap thing going on [TS]

  we're at all you will you and I've had [TS]

  some bim bap [TS]

  how is that the place with the shaving [TS]

  noodles now know that but the husband [TS]

  map is the is the Korean dish in the [TS]

  super hot stone Bowl are looking at it [TS]

  now I love that be waiting in that place [TS]

  you want to get to make our own food [TS]

  very about that stuff a little bowls [TS]

  oh love so is if I can stir my shit up [TS]

  in into just like a like a just a mush [TS]

  I'm really into that too and that's the [TS]

  thing my dad would not tolerate if my [TS]

  dad couldn't tell each item of food in [TS]

  his food he didn't want anything in a [TS]

  date and won it all covered in sauce he [TS]

  did not want he wanted to see you wanted [TS]

  to meet and vegetables to be separate he [TS]

  wanted to see it all and know it [TS]

  he and I are different people yes the [TS]

  bitmap the tonight in that did i tell [TS]

  you i started i found a bunch of [TS]

  cassette tapes of my dad is thinking [TS]

  about this series recordings of your dad [TS]

  doing [TS]

  was it was it so he was an [TS]

  administrative law judge and like [TS]

  negotiations or something [TS]

  well late labor disputes he was an [TS]

  arbitrator and but but rather than being [TS]

  an arbitrator where he's trying to reach [TS]

  a compromise as an administrative law [TS]

  judge it when it would when when [TS]

  disputes between management and labor or [TS]

  between a professional person and the [TS]

  and the licensing agency or whatever [TS]

  when those disputes would reach the [TS]

  point where there was no resolution sure [TS]

  they would appear in front of my dad and [TS]

  he would actually make a binding [TS]

  decision like arbitration arbitration [TS]

  but but he was the he he he was yeah he [TS]

  he he was a hearing officer he would [TS]

  hear cases presented by the lawyers on [TS]

  both sides and then he would arbitrate [TS]

  and so they're cassettes and cassettes [TS]

  and cassettes and cassettes of these [TS]

  cases from the nineteen eighties and I [TS]

  found them all in a bag and I was like [TS]

  to well I'm I'm cleaning the house [TS]

  what the hell and I start popping in the [TS]

  the stereo and it's like the most boring [TS]

  episode of Law & Order ever like uh [TS]

  would you say that when you first read [TS]

  the contract it stipulated that [TS]

  management would pay for the time that [TS]

  it took employees to go to the DMV and [TS]

  get a copy of their drivers record [TS]

  yes i would say that do you have any [TS]

  notes to that effect [TS]

  well as a matter of fact I do have the [TS]

  notes and it's just like are we [TS]

  seriously everybody whoever uses a [TS]

  sentence involving suing someone should [TS]

  have to listen to all of those it's [TS]

  insane it's insane because the whole [TS]

  process it's on and it's unreal [TS]

  I mean with the difference to the [TS]

  company was a difference of five hundred [TS]

  dollars let's say and yet there's this [TS]

  protracted dispute with the union that [TS]

  goes on for months they have 50 people [TS]

  testify and my dad is sitting there and [TS]

  I'm listening to this cassette and it's [TS]

  like being at work with my dad and I [TS]

  never knew I I was not interested in [TS]

  this phase of his career right when he [TS]

  got to when he was an administrative law [TS]

  judge it was after he left the railroad [TS]

  and I was just like oh so what do you do [TS]

  he's like wow sometimes like a doctor or [TS]

  get accused of malpractice and there's [TS]

  this there's a suit that's happening [TS]

  where he's being sued but then there's [TS]

  also the case of the state deciding [TS]

  whether or not to revoke his license and [TS]

  that portion of it appears before me and [TS]

  I hear his lawyer and the state's lawyer [TS]

  and they argue whether or not he should [TS]

  be allowed to practice medicine and then [TS]

  I make a determination and it in a way [TS]

  it's like wow that's pretty gnarly but [TS]

  also oh so boring dad fucking 23 years [TS]

  old and when I do some molly and go [TS]

  party did come we didn't call Molly then [TS]

  yeah but um so I'm listening to these [TS]

  tapes and Merlin I swear to you I can't [TS]

  stop listening to them like playing in [TS]

  the background [TS]

  I'm not really thinking when you listen [TS]

  to music you like really sit down and [TS]

  and headphones on [TS]

  I mean no I'm come not headphones but I [TS]

  mean I'm folding laundry or whatever but [TS]

  I listened to the listen of the guy [TS]

  present his case and I'm like well this [TS]

  guy's got an airtight case and then the [TS]

  next guy presents his opposing [TS]

  case and I'm like huh well as a matter [TS]

  of fact I kind of agree with his case [TS]

  I'm like oh this is kind of a hard job [TS]

  and then my dad will say something feat [TS]

  my dad will he sits up there on the [TS]

  bench and everyone's always like well [TS]

  counselor I think you might have made [TS]

  your point and everybody in the room [TS]

  laughs because he's making some lawyer [TS]

  joke and all the layers like haha yes [TS]

  sir you are right you know and i'm like [TS]

  wow it's like it's like it's like [TS]

  they're having fun in there being [TS]

  lawyers with each other and they know [TS]

  what they're talking about [TS]

  yeah yeah and and they're like they're [TS]

  boring as shit but they're like they're [TS]

  trying to have some fun while they can [TS]

  and they're proposing all these [TS]

  witnesses and you can tell there are [TS]

  people that are nervous they don't want [TS]

  to say the wrong thing you know that the [TS]

  whole the the union is watching and all [TS]

  this stuff these shop stewards that have [TS]

  never don't know how to use a microphone [TS]

  it's a it's amazing there really that [TS]

  thing is my dad doesn't appear that [TS]

  often because he's mostly listening but [TS]

  I kind of want to play the tapes for my [TS]

  daughter just like well you never knew [TS]

  your grandfather but here's a glimpse he [TS]

  was more interesting in person when he's [TS]

  your match about your eggs [TS]

  yeah this is more of a lawyer joke yeah [TS]

  we'll get a 1 by explain this to you huh [TS]

  you should hang on to this yeah it's one [TS]

  of the time you're you again it seems [TS]

  like you may be in phase we think about [TS]

  what you can let go but that's a nice [TS]

  thing to have [TS]

  yeah I mean it's maybe not think he [TS]

  would have 80 years old i'll be [TS]

  listening to these Alaska labor disputes [TS]

  from the eighties trying to reconnect [TS]

  with my dad haha pretty funny fucking [TS]

  life so you don't think I should be [TS]

  worried about becoming a man though i [TS]

  mean i really i really do like the first [TS]

  program [TS]

  here's the thing i'm not like standing [TS]

  Hampton I mean you know listen if I if I [TS]

  know selling it for the same here record [TS]

  Stanley handsome you don't hit it [TS]

  standard Hampton isn't what it's called [TS]

  Jesus I don't know what time i hit [TS]

  gershon Aaron some intrigue HSAs lies no [TS]

  more lies no I was talking about the one [TS]

  that's got us going on it's got there's [TS]

  only one way to rock on it [TS]

  oh that's a good tune does it have three [TS]

  lockbox you know that's on three lockbox [TS]

  possible with you love is driving me [TS]

  crazy [TS]

  where's my banjo over a one way to rock [TS]

  beat didn't need to be doing do um I [TS]

  honestly if I was a if I was sitting on [TS]

  a bart train on the bart train want to [TS]

  go on the bart train and you were [TS]

  sitting across from me I and i don't [TS]

  mean this in the wrong way but i might [TS]

  say myself i might say to myself hmm is [TS]

  that a pan man really just because there [TS]

  are certain characteristics that you [TS]

  have that sheet that arch that are [TS]

  shared with pan men m thru you took your [TS]

  genes into your socks [TS]

  there's the thing about your face is [TS]

  kind of go t-shaped I i do have a sum of [TS]

  the t-shaped face [TS]

  there's a goatee shape to your face and [TS]

  over the years some of your hairstyles [TS]

  were barely Panish shit you're right but [TS]

  I do not find you know the fact is that [TS]

  maybe your pan personality got switched [TS]

  with Matthew McConaughey's actual [TS]

  personality somewhere you should look at [TS]

  your guys's birthday yes and see if [TS]

  maybe it wasn't a personality transplant [TS]

  that happened somehow with the storks em [TS]

  that your personality belongs in Matthew [TS]

  McConaughey and his personality believes [TS]

  in you because you have a not not i [TS]

  don't think a pan mane personality now [TS]

  I don't think so I don't think you do [TS]

  what if he's riddled with self-doubt I [TS]

  don't think you that he is either you [TS]

  look at what I ok so there you go though [TS]

  isn't it good that that's a pan quality [TS]

  not riddled with self-doubt precisely [TS]

  not on the surface anyway right [TS]

  like a guy like Matthew McConaughey [TS]

  living in texas right she should be a he [TS]

  should be should have been born probably [TS]

  with your like hyper well let's see this [TS]

  argument is kind of not holding water [TS]

  with Matthew McConaughey having your [TS]

  personality [TS]

  yeah but maybe you should have had his [TS]

  personality and then there's somebody [TS]

  else is a third element a third person [TS]

  that should have had your personality [TS]

  right right [TS]

  something remarkable thing and then you [TS]

  would have had their personality maybe [TS]

  that's what it is to me are 67 doesn't [TS]

  look a day over 60 for the pictures have [TS]

  been on Google's give it a thumbs up [TS]

  he's unreal laughs out of shield [TS]

  shit-eating grin that's wonderful [TS]

  bookshelves in Michelle's kind of a man [TS]

  thing right listen don't talk shit about [TS]

  puka shells in the seventies i wore puka [TS]

  shells and then in the nineties my [TS]

  sister in a gesture of like early [TS]

  nostalgia which is uncharacteristic for [TS]

  her she bought me some puka shells and [TS]

  said remember when we used to wear these [TS]

  she's a thoughtful back in the back in [TS]

  1976 when leif Garrett was on the cover [TS]

  of teen beat magazine all he was [TS]

  frequently put a shelled he did he was [TS]

  then he's kind of a little bit of your [TS]

  pan actually when you think about it and [TS]

  bend and and so I was like are Susan how [TS]

  cute and so I wore a puka shells and I [TS]

  wore them throughout the nineties when [TS]

  they were not acceptable refer and my [TS]

  puka shells broke at one point and I [TS]

  rethreaded them on mint flavor dental [TS]

  floss look so when if you happen to be [TS]

  somebody let's say for instance who was [TS]

  kissing me on the neck which happens [TS]

  sometimes back in the day you would get [TS]

  a little minty because of all the Molly [TS]

  little mini like Bing you like [TS]

  the wise your next committee is always [TS]

  offering surprises to the people who are [TS]

  intimate in your life that's right a [TS]

  life back that like that my necklace is [TS]

  made out of dental floss but anyway so I [TS]

  got a lot of uh I got a lot of shit for [TS]

  the puka shells and the more should I [TS]

  got the more I DoubleDown on the puka [TS]

  shells and if you look at some early [TS]

  long winters promo shots and footage i [TS]

  am still wearing those boots and potions [TS]

  even into the 2,000 feel like I don't [TS]

  know why but I feel like maybe in that [TS]

  Western State hurricanes thing when you [TS]

  guys are on like local TV I thinking why [TS]

  do I think you might be wearing puka [TS]

  shells I it is entirely possible that i [TS]

  was wearing puka shells because i never [TS]

  took them off and I had them on pretty [TS]

  much from 1995 to 2003 until finally the [TS]

  dental floss like gave way and then and [TS]

  then I was like am I really going to [TS]

  rebuild these bookshelves i'm a 35 year [TS]

  old man and so I put them in the [TS]

  keepsake drawer along with the little [TS]

  black crystal wrapped in the silver like [TS]

  the idea that you have the keepsake [TS]

  drawer [TS]

  well for little keepsakes [TS]

  uh-huh did it did a girl ever give you a [TS]

  crystal know now i don't think i ever [TS]

  got a crystal i never got that far [TS]

  I had a lady friend who is very [TS]

  crystally yeah I'm pretty confused by [TS]

  crystals also well I mean they're [TS]

  they're splitting energy thing with [TS]

  chakras are a chocolate [TS]

  yep and she wanted if you want to sleep [TS]

  under a pyramid of copper pipes [TS]

  ok I could do that and then you have [TS]

  your crystals aligned with your chakras [TS]

  before and the energy streams that are [TS]

  invisible to you until you until you do [TS]

  these other things and you see the [TS]

  streams seems like a lot of work [TS]

  unit couldn't this reason I'm tired of [TS]

  time I feel like I feel like the pan [TS]

  mane equivalent in the lady land what [TS]

  they're good they would they would give [TS]

  you a crystal and I got a crystal from [TS]

  one of the pan ladies did represent [TS]

  anything here represent was a black [TS]

  crystal wrapped in silver [TS]

  it's about as long as a cigarette but [TS]

  only got plenty Crystal point crystal on [TS]

  a necklace and I was meant to wear it [TS]

  because it was the right kind of crystal [TS]

  for my energy ha i see it's a palliative [TS]

  I was at somebody's house not too long [TS]

  ago and I noticed that they had crystals [TS]

  on several of their window sills is that [TS]

  crystal think oh I think those are [TS]

  crystals that are supposed to send [TS]

  rainbows into the room [TS]

  oh yeah I got one of those for Christmas [TS]

  recently [TS]

  yeah i got 1,000,000 sent me this thing [TS]

  we use suction cup it and it's got solar [TS]

  panel and solar panel makes the crystal [TS]

  turn around and shoot rainbows in your [TS]

  room this mode this most recent [TS]

  Christmas that's just passed a couple [TS]

  weeks ago few weeks ago the one for a [TS]

  few weeks ago by having you here I've [TS]

  got to say happy new year [TS]

  thank you glad to be here John you have [TS]

  any new year's resolution since it's [TS]

  almost new year now [TS]

  definitely not December 15-18 thoughts [TS]

  on the new year 2015 you really wanna [TS]

  know i think i've got trouble that seems [TS]

  to be your new sound [TS]

  yeah that is kind of everything exactly [TS]

  right on the edge of giving up but not [TS]

  quite giving i do you really want to [TS]

  know what my new year's resolutions are [TS]

  yeah I don't wanna I don't want to beat [TS]

  you [TS]

  well i think you know the kind of [TS]

  resolutions I wouldn't wanna hear about [TS]

  haha you know it's how long are we into [TS]

  this episode is it time for me to start [TS]

  talking about all I know it almost [TS]

  fucking january and having my back but I [TS]

  know John John John what ru resolving to [TS]

  do in the in the in the toaht 15 so [TS]

  doing music bed here [TS]

  yeah I look at me like you do have a [TS]

  little like Rhodes piano and we have two [TS]

  soft Rhodes piano you do that or I was [TS]

  made for loving you by kiss just play [TS]

  very quietly I don't think that's what I [TS]

  would you were made to not be and [TS]

  conversely pan men every one of them [TS]

  oh my god Alvin Ailey fucking pan man [TS]

  they almost to know how many of you like [TS]

  to drink cold gin it's a really straight [TS]

  for requests 100 but hey you're gonna [TS]

  get dark know maybe you have too cute [TS]

  I'm 67 you 67 years old to know and you [TS]

  and he still gets onstage and takes his [TS]

  fucking shirt off [TS]

  yes he is a badass I think he's vegan [TS]

  and just doesn't say so who knows man [TS]

  that whatever he is i hated for 40 years [TS]

  but now i can give a shit depressingly [TS]

  admiring the light of his properties not [TS]

  even grudging I say Paul Stanley [TS]

  whatever you're made of [TS]

  good lord i wish it could be bottled and [TS]

  sold i mean gene Simmons you mean you [TS]

  you get the sense that they that they [TS]

  wheeled him to the stage in a handcart [TS]

  and like shooting full of vitamin B and [TS]

  you know and like and then there's some [TS]

  kind of little like wrath of khan here [TS]

  earlier but your ear scorpion that's in [TS]

  his head [TS]

  that's like saying motherfucker sing but [TS]

  Paul Stanley I mean right now he's [TS]

  probably on a fuckin jungle gym [TS]

  somewhere I don't know how he doesn't [TS]

  oh man can you imagine that the torture [TS]

  dangerous intercourse that he has at his [TS]

  age [TS]

  oh my god this show so horrible i [TS]

  remember seeing a video of them in a [TS]

  tease around the time of the i want to [TS]

  say when they you know look it up took [TS]

  off the makeup and I just remember the [TS]

  scene this video where they were i think [TS]

  mine on vh1 in a very straightforward [TS]

  way they were being interviewed for a [TS]

  documentary and possibly i mean my head [TS]

  he was in a hot tub he might have been a [TS]

  bear rug but there actually were like [TS]

  six girls in bikinis around him it was a [TS]

  most interesting i've ever seen [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  let me make you a tape you should let me [TS]

  make you a tape of some good kid stuff [TS]

  they really get you rolling with it I've [TS]

  heard all the good comeback now that you [TS]

  have your newfound appreciation for pam [TS]

  and paul you should let me bring it back [TS]

  around it so there's a surprising amount [TS]

  of good kiss music I will not deny it [TS]

  some of the better some of them was the [TS]

  Petersons are really good [TS]

  it's only it's only overshadowed and [TS]

  contextualized by the fact that the [TS]

  lion's share of kiss music is a garbage [TS]

  keeping up on out it's like a hearing [TS]

  you be performed by people who are [TS]

  non-musicians and seal is being [TS]

  performed by angry vending machines and [TS]

  cepic also somehow reprehensible right i [TS]

  mean it's like kisses reprehensible [TS]

  yeah they seem more gross every year [TS]

  even in retrospect yeah they're not it's [TS]

  not that they are it's not that they are [TS]

  diabolical which is what they think they [TS]

  are and it's not that they are a like [TS]

  somehow they're certainly not sensual [TS]

  like whatever it is that def leppard and [TS]

  led zeppelin had yeah where you get the [TS]

  you get the sense that they are like [TS]

  uh they're really bad things are [TS]

  happening backstage bad in a good way [TS]

  yeah with kiss it's just like no they're [TS]

  just this this is where time is not on [TS]

  their side as below insane family court [TS]

  that's it that's the thing is like if [TS]

  they had stopped in a tease you go out [TS]

  look at that it's a bunch of like [TS]

  sexually potent like elemental creatures [TS]

  that got older and decided to call it [TS]

  quits and now in retrospect all you can [TS]

  see is like a creepy creepy uncle pinky [TS]

  but like for the entire time now in [TS]

  retrospect you go oh my god you always [TS]

  been like the creepy uncle yeah right [TS]

  what it's like it so you can just what [TS]

  you've heard gene Simmons talking the [TS]

  last 10 years you can you see the [TS]

  interview from making 75 to go oh my god [TS]

  you were already an old creep he was [TS]

  already that way yeah I we've said it [TS]

  before gene simmons is a is a Donald [TS]

  Trump and dragon foods no good anyway so [TS]

  by new years resolution yes is serious [TS]

  it's really it's actually it's that I [TS]

  don't usually make resolutions super [TS]

  serious but i'm making a resolution it's [TS]

  honest it's legit [TS]

  it's legit ok i'm making and I'm making [TS]

  an honest resolution which and and I and [TS]

  I and I IRA hesitate to say because I've [TS]

  because I've seen that this type of [TS]

  thing before and i have i have no [TS]

  authority over myself somehow but um I [TS]

  don't I do not intend to direct my [TS]

  energy any direction this year other [TS]

  than in the direction of making music [TS]

  whoa I'm not gonna I'm not gonna [TS]

  directed in the direction of being a [TS]

  talk show host or a feature writer or a [TS]

  like a dumb a comedy persona or a goofus [TS]

  smooth mcgroove office or a you know a [TS]

  dingbat mcdonald hey i'm gonna get at [TS]

  the group that i'm good just I'm not am [TS]

  I gonna do any of that going out to the [TS]

  shed [TS]

  I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna see what [TS]

  lives in the in the music in the music [TS]

  bed and the music friends and exciting [TS]

  decision John yeah because they're you [TS]

  know music I've never stopped playing [TS]

  music and I've never stopped tinkering [TS]

  with music and it's what people want [TS]

  from me but more importantly it's this [TS]

  it's this idea of like did I stop [TS]

  writing new music because i wanted to [TS]

  stop writing music or do I stop writing [TS]

  music because I just succumbed to not [TS]

  writing new music do you know it wasn't [TS]

  a decision or was it a fait accompli and [TS]

  he will give yourself a year to figure [TS]

  that out ya do I want to live the rest [TS]

  of my life having had that having and [TS]

  made that decision just as a sort of [TS]

  like well blue no i don't if I don't [TS]

  want to write music anymore i want to [TS]

  say like you know what I'm i do i'm not [TS]

  going to do this anymore i'm gonna do [TS]

  something else but not this like I'm [TS]

  animals in the boob director mealy-mouth [TS]

  kind of hunan decision [TS]

  um and so I got I got I i spent a year [TS]

  last year doing my talk show every week [TS]

  in Seattle and I learned a lot but one [TS]

  of the things i learned was that what I [TS]

  ended up doing was going in the [TS]

  direction of what I already knew huh [TS]

  right like when that whenever I came to [TS]

  a crossroads and I was like well you can [TS]

  you can start to try this thing which is [TS]

  like uncomfortable and you know like [TS]

  basically what it was was that first [TS]

  show that i did my first talk show where [TS]

  I wrote my monologue and I got up there [TS]

  and I was covered in flop sweat and I I [TS]

  didn't want to read the monologue so i [TS]

  was trying to recall it and it will [TS]

  combine you gotta go one way or another [TS]

  yeah it wasn't funny I was I was I was [TS]

  reaching for this thing that I'd written [TS]

  and I couldn't lay my hands on it and so [TS]

  over the course of the next month or so [TS]

  I did less and less preparation [TS]

  and more and more improvisation and the [TS]

  show got better and better and I was [TS]

  happier and happier and i took that as a [TS]

  lesson like well go in the direction of [TS]

  your happiness right you didn't do this [TS]

  show to make yourself unhappy and so I [TS]

  pursued the direction of my happiness [TS]

  which was in the direction of what I [TS]

  already knew how to do which was get up [TS]

  and tell a 25-minute story about a [TS]

  10-minute walk and that if I had said no [TS]

  you know what the structure of the show [TS]

  is that every week you're going to write [TS]

  a monologue and you're going to figure [TS]

  out how to deliver it i would have the [TS]

  show would have been super uncomfortable [TS]

  and super hard but now a year later I [TS]

  would know more i would i would have [TS]

  learned more because I would have been [TS]

  learning something and learning a new [TS]

  skill instead of instead of luxuriating [TS]

  in a thing I knew how to do not you mean [TS]

  and so I feel I don't feel like the the [TS]

  year was wasted I don't feel like the [TS]

  show was wasted [TS]

  um it was all it was all a good learning [TS]

  experience but when I look back at it [TS]

  the key component in my life that's [TS]

  missing is a relationship to work and I [TS]

  did everything I could to make that show [TS]

  not work for me to do and I need to that [TS]

  isn't what i need to do i need to learn [TS]

  how to work [TS]

  I don't want to work I don't I do not [TS]

  want to have to work i bought a lottery [TS]

  ticket [TS]

  the only kidding I you know I bought out [TS]

  fucking lottery ticket because every [TS]

  little cell and my body is saying oh [TS]

  please please please please find a way [TS]

  to not have to face work over not even [TS]

  to not have to work but do not have to [TS]

  face work [TS]

  and I just can't I can't do it anymore I [TS]

  can't do it for the rest of my life [TS]

  yeah so that's my name is represented [TS]

  great resolution man face work at which [TS]

  to me is writing songs [TS]

  there's a lot to that though you got [TS]

  that you got the the writing and you've [TS]

  got the recording and and the playing [TS]

  and now i'm talking like The Cosby but [TS]

  you are but you're ready to embrace [TS]

  really kind of immersing yourself it [TS]

  sounds like you know and it's a it's a [TS]

  huge process that involves a lot of [TS]

  financial investment it involves a lot i [TS]

  mean a tremendous risk in the sense that [TS]

  I mean not in a way not a tremendous [TS]

  risk because if I the way that the world [TS]

  has changed if i put out music now [TS]

  somebody will want it it's not like [TS]

  before where I could hand in a record [TS]

  and the record label would say well we [TS]

  can't support this and then there would [TS]

  be the end like I can amanda palmer it [TS]

  and put it out there and there will be [TS]

  people who find us though the risk is [TS]

  only the same risk I've always been [TS]

  taking which is what if everybody in the [TS]

  world doesn't love me unconditionally [TS]

  yeah yeah yeah and you know what that's [TS]

  not any different at risk isn't any [TS]

  different [TS]

  yeah and you know finding the answer [TS]

  that question is never going to be as [TS]

  satisfying are useful as you might hope [TS]

  however that turns out you're right [TS]

  you're absolutely right much I you know [TS]

  I happen to know you're right i'm aware [TS]

  of this and so so i just have to I just [TS]

  have to do it and and all the way there [TS]

  was another guy in the world likes me [TS]

  shit i'm gonna go make something that [TS]

  wait a minute wait a minute are you sure [TS]

  they're not everybody in the world like [TS]

  Dez I like you [TS]

  thank you i like as you John yeah only [TS]

  three more days left in the year cells [TS]

  and that amazing so I had a shiny new [TS]

  year i have three more days to sit in [TS]

  the bathtub and say work works for jerks [TS]

  you could use that write that down put [TS]

  that in your your lyric book works for [TS]

  jerks regenexx and then in the new year [TS]

  I'm gonna have to wake up and say work [TS]

  is not for jerks it's the only thing [TS]

  really that gives life meaning work is [TS]

  the only thing leisure does not give [TS]

  life meaning [TS]

  yeah the hard part is getting started in [TS]

  any other part in our car is continuing [TS]

  yeah and then finishing that supposed to [TS]

  mean it's hard for hard part's three [TS]

  hard part's the three hard parts are [TS]

  actually enable bye-bye [TS]