Roderick on the Line

Ep. 131: "Subsequious"

 

  this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

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  [Music] [TS]

  hello and John hi Berlin all know [TS]

  oh I'm a little sick I was exaggerating [TS]

  how sick I was you've never been a [TS]

  little sick [TS]

  mm don't you feel pretty fast I mean [TS]

  youryour you got a hockey stick curve my [TS]

  friend [TS]

  yeah well the problem is that they're [TS]

  also all colds all sicknesses and in the [TS]

  same place and it doesn't matter what i [TS]

  do if if the moment I start feeling sick [TS]

  I lay in bed for three days it with a [TS]

  warm blankie [TS]

  uh-huh i'm still going to get just as [TS]

  sick as if I went running naked in the [TS]

  cold rain [TS]

  Oh like there's nothing i can do once [TS]

  I'm on the path culture like record our [TS]

  with an upper respiratory infection [TS]

  yeah yeah yeah that's right and so yeah [TS]

  that's right so I died this year this [TS]

  time when I started feeling sick I was [TS]

  lying there in bed and I was like uh you [TS]

  know what I'm gonna do this time I'm [TS]

  just gonna I'm just gonna power through [TS]

  it i'm gonna go do all the stuff I'm [TS]

  going to be out in the cold i'm not [TS]

  gonna wear a scarf I'm just gonna go for [TS]

  it [TS]

  yeah and here i am three days in and [TS]

  just as sick as I would be if I were in [TS]

  a bath right now so i got a second I [TS]

  thought but not the cuttin out the [TS]

  glutens it helps a little bit but you're [TS]

  still going to get tax sometimes it is [TS]

  it has helped immeasurably I think my [TS]

  overall health [TS]

  I was thinking about this last night i [TS]

  have not since I stopped because I'm not [TS]

  maintaining out perfect and your default [TS]

  your default is i mean i'm guessing here [TS]

  at least with me when I've been [TS]

  successful with that it's been has never [TS]

  been the night I mean I very briefly was [TS]

  100% Atkins yeah back in the day as you [TS]

  know and you made fun of me [TS]

  yeah which is understandable but you [TS]

  know for me it's generally like all [TS]

  other things being equal if i have the [TS]

  choice i'm gonna go for less rather than [TS]

  more of the junk that I'm trying to [TS]

  avoid which i think is a very same [TS]

  pattern [TS]

  yeah unfortunately the problem with this [TS]

  cold is that it coincided perfectly with [TS]

  halloween and so Halloween I've given [TS]

  myself a bye [TS]

  on Reese's peanut butter cups [TS]

  oh man and so the sugar makes me feel [TS]

  bad anyway I don't know that's just it [TS]

  sounds like I'm it sounds like you're [TS]

  watching turning into like bald men [TS]

  talking about their colon alive so much [TS]

  to discuss including my colon and I I [TS]

  you know here's the thing that I am [TS]

  finally having to accept and you're [TS]

  right nothing could be more boring and [TS]

  somebody realizing they're getting old [TS]

  it's something everybody's gonna do in [TS]

  know when I am fighting at all but [TS]

  here's the thing you're younger and more [TS]

  elastic you can do things that make a [TS]

  difference in your life you could say [TS]

  you could say like oh I'll get a little [TS]

  more sleep want to think a little bit [TS]

  less i'll eat some carrots and you know [TS]

  within a day or two you notice a [TS]

  difference and it's it's it's like you [TS]

  know I would remember hearing is a kid [TS]

  like oh you know ground broker broker [TS]

  hip and it takes a really long time to [TS]

  heal when you're an old person with a [TS]

  broken hip [TS]

  you know it's just it's that if not it i [TS]

  would say a death sentence but in a [TS]

  mobility sentence that was a killer the [TS]

  broken hip [TS]

  yeah i'm a lot of people don't come back [TS]

  line and stuff goes downhill after that [TS]

  scene grandmother when she got old [TS]

  enough she broke her femur [TS]

  oh he managed to break your femur oh [TS]

  thank you might regret it because it's [TS]

  only in your body [TS]

  she broke it like buttering some toast [TS]

  right she like leaned into the toes [TS]

  known so much worse that's so pathetic [TS]

  she's sitting on my stoner uh got busted [TS]

  my cousins bed and he had this kind of [TS]

  like AB like it was kind of slippery [TS]

  sort of bedspread and she's sitting [TS]

  there she's very very very slowly slid [TS]

  off the bed landed on her knee and broke [TS]

  her from her femur [TS]

  well I suppose that's better than [TS]

  spontaneous combustion [TS]

  I don't know right i mean that's got a [TS]

  finality to it [TS]

  did you ever go through a phase where [TS]

  you research spontaneous combustion [TS]

  times because i know i did of course of [TS]

  course now of the many kinds of you know [TS]

  sasquatches and yet he's out there [TS]

  that's when I thought a lot about I want [TS]

  to circle back to that but i wanna talk [TS]

  here's the other thing for me it's like [TS]

  so like who like you and the Reese's [TS]

  peanut butter cups is that kinda like a [TS]

  one cigarette situation for you but can [TS]

  you really [TS]

  away from that after a couple days uh [TS]

  well you enjoy your hands John i do it [TS]

  remains to be seen i enjoy a chocolate [TS]

  candy particularly one where your [TS]

  chocolate has gotten in someone else's [TS]

  peanut butter right or conversely if [TS]

  your peanut butter gets in someone [TS]

  else's chocolate [TS]

  those are situations that I relish where [TS]

  you'll be walking along with a chocolate [TS]

  bar and you'll bump into a pretty girl [TS]

  and she'll have an open jar of peanut [TS]

  butter and it'll be like what the and [TS]

  here the forum [TS]

  I never thought this would happen to me [TS]

  up but but what's nice about the small [TS]

  size Halloween candies now the [TS]

  children's portion is that i can get i [TS]

  can i can have a little mini buffet [TS]

  because it you know about me also that I [TS]

  like a sample I like a sampler platter [TS]

  like a flight I went into I went into a [TS]

  fancy-pants restaurant here the other [TS]

  day where everybody had mustaches and i [TS]

  sat down and there was all this stuff [TS]

  about kale & P nope eyelashes and all [TS]

  this bullshit and then there was at the [TS]

  bottom it was like a platter right [TS]

  platter you can get it for for you could [TS]

  get it for six you could get 48 or [TS]

  something like that platter 48 huh [TS]

  and I looked at everything on the menu [TS]

  and I was like well I don't want any of [TS]

  that I want this platter but there's [TS]

  only going to be two of us the other [TS]

  person hadn't arrived yet and the [TS]

  waitress was like well it's a lot [TS]

  platter for is a lot of food and I was [TS]

  like alright i'll look at the menu again [TS]

  I looked one more time and then she came [TS]

  back and was like I i want the platter [TS]

  bring the platter [TS]

  I want the samples you know I want a [TS]

  little bit everything [TS]

  yeah I mean that sounds like we'll be [TS]

  back in the discriminatory days a real [TS]

  estate that sounds like steering is very [TS]

  normative to tell you how much you [TS]

  should be eating I know when the problem [TS]

  was or what she meant what she should [TS]

  have said was it comes with a bucket of [TS]

  potatoes [TS]

  awesome you have helped when the platter [TS]

  got their childs and pale the vegetables [TS]

  and the meat portions were all like [TS]

  three [TS]

  quickly find for two people it was just [TS]

  that had a bucket of potatoes just gonna [TS]

  matter but last night I sat down i sat [TS]

  down at the kitchen table after [TS]

  everybody had gone to bed and I had a [TS]

  one little reese's peanut butter cup and [TS]

  add one little butterfinger and had one [TS]

  little crackle and one little mr goodbar [TS]

  and one little Hershey person bar with [TS]

  almonds and that amount of candy was [TS]

  probably the equivalent I mean it what [TS]

  wouldn't even wouldn't even come close [TS]

  to the amount of garbage that's in a [TS]

  single small blizzard from Dairy Queen [TS]

  but I had a little bit of each candy and [TS]

  then I did I felt I mean honestly I [TS]

  walked around the house the rest of the [TS]

  night in a state of total craving but at [TS]

  the same time I noon there was not i had [TS]

  had one of every possible kind of little [TS]

  treat [TS]

  I that was not a second one that was [TS]

  going to help me at that point uh huh so [TS]

  that's the little the little many many [TS]

  bars actually are good for me although [TS]

  I'm opposed to them in principle [TS]

  yeah we did full-size bars this year god [TS]

  bless you and I figured it's time to [TS]

  start giving back to the community [TS]

  here's my problem and like this is a [TS]

  slow dawning and painful realization [TS]

  that I just have to reread realize like [TS]

  every few days is that this is not going [TS]

  to get better [TS]

  none of this i'm doing Louie CK sweep [TS]

  down my entire body of the spoiler [TS]

  loving about this is getting going to [TS]

  get better we'll see i keep I keep [TS]

  thinking that maybe when our alien [TS]

  overlords finally arrived and make them [TS]

  so I'm sorry when they finally make [TS]

  themselves known who and when they make [TS]

  themselves known by virtue of coming to [TS]

  me first and saying we need you to talk [TS]

  to the other humans on our behalf [TS]

  the first thing I'm going to say is put [TS]

  me in one of those TSA scanners and [TS]

  figure out everything that's wrong with [TS]

  me all the torn ligaments and all the [TS]

  little you know scar tissues you really [TS]

  get those moles like that John the moles [TS]

  and the enlarged prostate and all the [TS]

  end all this sick [TS]

  missin the and what is presumably like a [TS]

  like a thousand dormant viruses that are [TS]

  all just sort of sitting around the [TS]

  lunch table taking turns deciding which [TS]

  one is gonna get all the stuff we don't [TS]

  even have a way of metering at this [TS]

  point that's right in there and they [TS]

  have the technology maybe involving time [TS]

  travel to let you know like on and based [TS]

  on this here's a pie graph on how is [TS]

  probably gonna end for you [TS]

  I field well no I think they're going to [TS]

  scan me and then they're gonna do like a [TS]

  top-to-bottom scan and just eradicate [TS]

  all problems [TS]

  Oh what [TS]

  and then everything all the viruses are [TS]

  gone all the scar tissue is mitigated [TS]

  all the cells or little plump that happy [TS]

  little childlike cells and then fuck [TS]

  i'll be their spokesperson I'll do [TS]

  whatever they want [TS]

  that's a nice good faith gesture I feel [TS]

  like that would be you know like I don't [TS]

  want I don't want I presumably don't [TS]

  want Bitcoin or whatever from them who I [TS]

  don't even know what a universal [TS]

  spaceship will buy probably just shit [TS]

  the company store but if they can make [TS]

  my cells fat and plump again [TS]

  yeah I mean I i I'm so I'm getting [TS]

  details magazine in the mail now because [TS]

  somebody signed up for details [TS]

  I think as a prank i don't know where it [TS]

  came from but i'm getting details and it [TS]

  comes in and it's got like five perfume [TS]

  ads and you get but you can see the [TS]

  fumes coming out of the mailbox is in [TS]

  your hands [TS]

  it just smells like the just like who [TS]

  smells like that who are the people that [TS]

  buy this stuff but on the cover of [TS]

  details this month is a picture of brad [TS]

  pitt and i'm looking at Brad Pitt as I'm [TS]

  walking back from the mailbox to the [TS]

  house with my copy of details that I [TS]

  minute before i even get in the house I [TS]

  tear all the perfume ads out of it from [TS]

  looking at him like Brad Pitt is older [TS]

  than me he looks great [TS]

  he still looks like the best-looking guy [TS]

  at the hardware store is a really [TS]

  good-looking guy and I'm standing there [TS]

  with a friend with a lady friend and I'm [TS]

  like look at him he looks amazing and [TS]

  she's like you know he's you know he [TS]

  dyes his beard right [TS]

  oh I was like what Brad Pitt doesn't die [TS]

  is beer that's that's really the angel [TS]

  and she said look at his beard its all [TS]

  full of just for men and I looked at his [TS]

  beard and it did look a little suspect [TS]

  it looked like James Lipton's beard huh [TS]

  that is a very that is that beard is [TS]

  suspicious on so many levels right and [TS]

  so then I lunch and she was like he dyes [TS]

  his hair too and I was like no not Brad [TS]

  Pitt now and i looked at he does he does [TS]

  here so I don't know what that tells me [TS]

  he's still we still can climb a rope or [TS]

  whatever and you know that doesn't that [TS]

  you don't throw out the baby with the [TS]

  bath i'm sure there's still a lot of [TS]

  things you can learn from details [TS]

  magazine there's all that well there's a [TS]

  lot I can learn from brad pitt I feel [TS]

  still here and I really need to have a [TS]

  sit down like that guy seems [TS]

  down-to-earth yeah I'm you know who [TS]

  knows he's made a lot of questionable [TS]

  decisions but that's what I proves he's [TS]

  probably down to earth but i do feel [TS]

  like you know his handsome this alone [TS]

  would get him an audience with me [TS]

  we're watching the captain america movie [TS]

  and I i did I don't know why I do this [TS]

  when I say anything to my daughter ever [TS]

  was like yeah that guy right there you [TS]

  know a lot of people considered him [TS]

  Robert Redford to be the handsomest man [TS]

  and in the world at one point and even [TS]

  as the words were coming out of my mouth [TS]

  I was like this is not going to make any [TS]

  sense at all because even in he was very [TS]

  rugged looking [TS]

  yes he had a certain let's just say you [TS]

  know there's certain kinds of stars that [TS]

  would not have come up in the HD era em [TS]

  you got your Bradford's you got exactly [TS]

  get your your-your-your edward james [TS]

  olmos 'as you got sure [TS]

  Cameron Diaz's like we're like HD is not [TS]

  surpassingly kind to them [TS]

  uh-huh you see you see some of those uh [TS]

  see some of those flaws [TS]

  yeah it's very topographical yeah and so [TS]

  yeah I like the idea of the pink the [TS]

  pink plump cells though now when you [TS]

  pick up details did you start with the [TS]

  table contest you flip to obviously [TS]

  remove all the acts what are you looking [TS]

  for recipes because i read i read every [TS]

  magazine from front to back right this [TS]

  is that when i was when i was a little [TS]

  kid my mom got my mom had a subscription [TS]

  to Time magazine and she would give me [TS]

  the time magazine's and her instruction [TS]

  to me [TS]

  at first was you don't have to read [TS]

  every article just read the things that [TS]

  are interesting to you and so I was like [TS]

  okay alright and so I would have put [TS]

  through and you know back then it was [TS]

  just like page after page of pictures of [TS]

  henry kissinger talking to make george [TS]

  bundy but then there would be a picture [TS]

  of some bottles we have super hot there [TS]

  be a picture of somebody on a motorcycle [TS]

  over there would be a picture of some [TS]

  black September terrorists leaning over [TS]

  a balcony in the olympic village or [TS]

  there would be some you know the last [TS]

  feature on howard he's is long toenails [TS]

  and super interesting i want to attend [TS]

  the corner where you get a Time magazine [TS]

  like that anyway so I started reading [TS]

  time I started reading just the Articles [TS]

  that interested me and then I remember [TS]

  feeling a real sense of accomplishment [TS]

  when I said to myself when I began [TS]

  reading it from front to back without [TS]

  regard for whether or not the article [TS]

  seemed interesting and that was when I [TS]

  really started learning about interest [TS]

  rates but so now when i get a copy of [TS]

  details i open it up and I do not [TS]

  presume i do not prejudice the feature [TS]

  article i do not presume that the but [TS]

  that any of the stuff at the front of [TS]

  the book is not interesting to me i just [TS]

  read it all the way through details [TS]

  takes about 10 minutes [TS]

  true the latest copy of Wired you made [TS]

  me maybe surprised or not surprised to [TS]

  find also has perfume ads in it but [TS]

  which I was I felt like writing a letter [TS]

  to them like do of all the magazines in [TS]

  the world yours has to be the most [TS]

  chemically sensitive thought is it's [TS]

  like space perfume [TS]

  no it's some kind of Acts body spray [TS]

  because wire is trying to appeal to bros [TS]

  because bros are who make up San [TS]

  Francisco now yeah fair enough [TS]

  there was a fantastic editorial in the [TS]

  latest a wired about how machines should [TS]

  be free of spyware or of pre-programmed [TS]

  pre pre programmed government nipples or [TS]

  whatever lot of good stuff and wired I [TS]

  get a lot of my that's how I even talked [TS]

  to will we [TS]

  I just read wired and then I Benny and I [TS]

  have all this common ground and cats and [TS]

  cats and it's our you must says we [TS]

  should have artificial intelligence we [TS]

  should or shouldn't I thought I heard [TS]

  something i don't i don't like tech news [TS]

  i don't like news i think i heard that [TS]

  Elon Musk I understand you follow [TS]

  periodically he has concerned that the [TS]

  eyes are going to take over [TS]

  well I think the I think the concern is [TS]

  that in order to you know bit currently [TS]

  every device is has this built-in a [TS]

  weakness with a built-in flaw which is [TS]

  that the copyright protectors don't want [TS]

  us to be able to listen to music so they [TS]

  built in a way that they can keep us [TS]

  from listening to music and the cops [TS]

  don't want us to be able to make 3d guns [TS]

  with our 3d printers you're talking [TS]

  about like the apple thing like the [TS]

  Apple not gonna help break into your [TS]

  phone and bright and so over time as we [TS]

  seed more and more control to our [TS]

  machines if we continue to allow them to [TS]

  all be built with backdoor you know [TS]

  backdoor weaknesses or backdoor a [TS]

  permissions right higher level [TS]

  permissions that are granted to someone [TS]

  else besides us the owners then you've [TS]

  got AI things running all around you [TS]

  don't know who they're answering to and [TS]

  that is a dangerous condition and it was [TS]

  very was really food for thought I was [TS]

  like that's right that's what I don't [TS]

  want that's why that's why there's no [TS]

  computers in my new suburban oh that's [TS]

  probably smart you got an AM radio [TS]

  signals against entre got an AM radio [TS]

  and and I'm learning a lot about for you [TS]

  know Frank Sinatra was a sex symbol like [TS]

  every time I hear his voice come over [TS]

  the over the am radio over the single [TS]

  speaker in my truck which is all the [TS]

  time because he is the king of AM radio [TS]

  i think this guy was sexy people wanted [TS]

  to kiss the Skeletor of a like this baby [TS]

  Skeletor is what he looks like to I [TS]

  don't see it [TS]

  I don't see and I don't hear it in his [TS]

  voice he doesn't is not appealing you [TS]

  don't [TS]

  was really young he was super skinny [TS]

  when he was young and kind of freakish [TS]

  lakenya that we're curly hair back when [TS]

  he had hair [TS]

  see now i don't i'm not i'm not a body [TS]

  normative no rise as one thing I think [TS]

  we can all say about John Roberts he's [TS]

  not body normally not body normative but [TS]

  at the same time he is a row dent I'm [TS]

  creek Dean Martin sexy guy [TS]

  yeah we even Jerry Lewis would have a [TS]

  certain amount of enthusiasm in bed [TS]

  presumably but yeah that's how to make a [TS]

  lady lap right yeah Frank Sinatra like [TS]

  was just like little bony knuckles my [TS]

  problem is I fall back on convenience [TS]

  food sometimes sometimes I think I'm [TS]

  gonna treat myself and that fucking KFC [TS]

  / taco bell near our house is always [TS]

  there [TS]

  it's always there you however you choose [TS]

  the KFC and how often do you choose the [TS]

  talk about what one does not choose a [TS]

  KFC one ends up at a KFC guys are you [TS]

  here in the door I I real KFC generally [TS]

  you don't go over the Taco Bell side of [TS]

  the line [TS]

  no no that the menu there is so [TS]

  overwhelming it's really really weird [TS]

  given that footprint of this place it's [TS]

  crazy how many different combinations of [TS]

  some kind of meat and sauce they have [TS]

  its really well but you know like [TS]

  yesterday I did this thing that I here's [TS]

  the thing I've never going to KFC and [TS]

  not regret it and I know that [TS]

  yeah I know I'm gonna regret it and it's [TS]

  the thing is like I really short on time [TS]

  I've made my thought processes like okay [TS]

  I did it again it's three o'clock and i [TS]

  haven't eaten and if I go home not [TS]

  having eaten i'll be cranky right and I [TS]

  and so it's dumb i should have eaten [TS]

  something halfway decent should eat some [TS]

  beef jerky two hours earlier but I say [TS]

  oh I'll just go in and get this little [TS]

  thing yeah and that the effect that food [TS]

  has on me setting aside anything it does [TS]

  to my gastrointestinal system it just it [TS]

  takes me out i need like a two-hour nap [TS]

  after i eat that food popcorn chicken to [TS]

  your popcorn trick and [TS]

  I guess sometimes i get a colonel strip [TS]

  like some strips i might get the the [TS]

  10-pack of the the bites get something [TS]

  small that can eat one literally walking [TS]

  to my house in something between the [TS]

  strip in a bite like yesterday we went [TS]

  to see the movie was seen moving my [TS]

  daughter and I and good movie and and [TS]

  why did this thing to do periodically [TS]

  where you get this you get this little [TS]

  platter that comes with curly fries and [TS]

  chicken strips [TS]

  uh-huh and I SAT there in a movie [TS]

  theater ate the entire thing [TS]

  uh I mean and and like every single by [TS]

  time i just filled with self-loathing [TS]

  because I know what's gonna happen then [TS]

  i came home and i slept for an hour and [TS]

  a half me in the middle in the middle of [TS]

  leaving daylight savings that's [TS]

  practically dark and i'm still laying on [TS]

  the bed groaning hmm i don't know i [TS]

  don't point it's just it's just that my [TS]

  recovery I recoveries are not what they [TS]

  used to be [TS]

  well it's so so i'm not i'm not [TS]

  depressed anymore i think that because [TS]

  of the gluten you remember number one [TS]

  night when I would talk about like I was [TS]

  just in a fog and I couldn't see to the [TS]

  end of my hand and I didn't know it [TS]

  sounds like you would I mean not as [TS]

  necessarily as a palliative or something [TS]

  but like you would find yourself eating [TS]

  a very large bowl of something perhaps [TS]

  even in the middle of the night [TS]

  yeah just to you know just to keep like [TS]

  the just to keep the barking sucks but [TS]

  you know now that now that now that it's [TS]

  been a long time since I've been in in a [TS]

  deep depression it has revealed my sort [TS]

  of latent normal level of constant [TS]

  depression to be just my old friend like [TS]

  I'm back with my old friend walking [TS]

  hand-in-hand with my pal [TS]

  normal depression and so I so last night [TS]

  I'm reading a wings of goals the [TS]

  magazine of naval aviators that i still [TS]

  get because my dad was a lifetime member [TS]

  of the association of naval aviators [TS]

  and it's one of those groups that [TS]

  doesn't want somebody dies that they [TS]

  don't take their name off their [TS]

  subscription list just keeps any of the [TS]

  magazine of Naval Aviation so I'm [TS]

  reading about it have you know I I enjoy [TS]

  getting it because it tells me all about [TS]

  the latest technologies you know they're [TS]

  firing harpoon missiles from c-130 is [TS]

  now it's very exciting [TS]

  it's not that's a cargo plane isn't yeah [TS]

  yeah i would like to be innovative [TS]

  I was like why weren't they doing this [TS]

  before you could put a lot of missiles [TS]

  on that that's what the leftover KFC in [TS]

  it [TS]

  have you figured it out but anyway i'm [TS]

  reading you know one of my favorite [TS]

  things about this magazine is it it felt [TS]

  all the old guys the 80 90 year old guys [TS]

  when they sit down to write the [TS]

  reminiscences you know they were right [TS]

  about the time that they that they [TS]

  scored that they put them down 50 in one [TS]

  day or whatever or telling shot.0 out of [TS]

  the sky with a 45 [TS]

  shot.0 out of the sky over 45 her or you [TS]

  know strafed some locomotives outside of [TS]

  Incheon or whatever it was that they [TS]

  were doing back in the old days when [TS]

  they were flying mechanical airplanes [TS]

  the bristling with machine guns and they [TS]

  had to actually see the thing they were [TS]

  shooting it wasn't just some dot over [TS]

  her horizon and these kids know some of [TS]

  these people lived these extraordinary [TS]

  lives in their use where they you know [TS]

  imagine being in 50 dog fights before [TS]

  you're thirty right i mean you know [TS]

  think about some of these guys i mean [TS]

  there's a guy the world's oldest naval [TS]

  aviator is this guy who's a hundred and [TS]

  three years old and he retired from the [TS]

  Air Force as a over time so i retired [TS]

  from the Navy as a as a rear-admiral in [TS]

  1958 wow he's still alive and yet i'm [TS]

  reading this magazine and I'm like this [TS]

  guy [TS]

  Wow like think about his life think [TS]

  about retiring from the Navy as an [TS]

  admiral in 58 and ever since 58 10 years [TS]

  before I was born [TS]

  when he's been walking around people [TS]

  still call him Admiral but he's been [TS]

  alive longer sense retired from the Navy [TS]

  then he was that he was old when he [TS]

  retired from the Navy and yes [TS]

  who gives a fuck nobody's ever heard of [TS]

  this guy he's gonna he's probably dead [TS]

  by now since the time the magazine came [TS]

  out and wherever he lives [TS]

  probably somewhere in san diego there's [TS]

  an obituary of him in the newspaper and [TS]

  then uh whatever his kids have a picture [TS]

  of him and that his grandkids are like I [TS]

  think that was my grandfather and then [TS]

  his great gang kids don't have never [TS]

  heard of them [TS]

  who cares who cares about anything my IP [TS]

  I can feel my colon my-my-my am what's [TS]

  that blue bulb up your butt that the [TS]

  doctor touches and that all in here at [TS]

  your prostate [TS]

  yeah I can feel mine in larger I can [TS]

  feel like it's not i don't even have to [TS]

  it's not impacting me yet I can just [TS]

  feel it down there like well now's my [TS]

  time [TS]

  yeah right he's waking up he takes his [TS]

  little stocking cap off and he's like Oh [TS]

  better get going and who cares who gives [TS]

  a shit who cares about me that I was [TS]

  gonna I you know I've got a lot of [TS]

  theories that I feel like there's a part [TS]

  of me that feels like well what if I got [TS]

  cancer tomorrow and they told me i had a [TS]

  month to live [TS]

  I would I would I hire somebody to sit [TS]

  and transcribe all my theories so that [TS]

  the that the world could benefit from [TS]

  them before i went and then when I was [TS]

  like who cares who gives a shit [TS]

  nobody's going to remember either way [TS]

  nobody cares about what I think and also [TS]

  who cares what happens to people even if [TS]

  my theories are super-good who gets the [TS]

  ship actually improve your diet [TS]

  yeah little friend back I got I got out [TS]

  of my card today in front of a cafe and [TS]

  a an attractive young woman was walking [TS]

  past and she looked at me and I looked [TS]

  at her and for whatever reason it will [TS]

  we didn't break eye contact you normally [TS]

  you look at somebody and you kind of a [TS]

  half like you have a scott simpson smile [TS]

  and then you look away real fast [TS]

  in case your eyes are hurting them but [TS]

  for whatever reason we both kept looking [TS]

  at each other and then she said [TS]

  nice hat was like wow thank you and I [TS]

  didn't have I didn't get back to her [TS]

  with a like I like your scarf or [TS]

  whenever it all happened so fast [TS]

  nice hat she said and all I could say [TS]

  was thank you [TS]

  and then we were past and I thought [TS]

  about filing a harassment suit but more [TS]

  importantly who cares she's gonna she [TS]

  doesn't remember me even now [TS]

  yeah that's a that's another thing in [TS]

  the fascinating story of getting older [TS]

  is being a non-combatant in the sexual [TS]

  revolution became the progress i've got [TS]

  a Greybeard and I swear to you there are [TS]

  people who walked past me and probably [TS]

  think to themselves look good for a [TS]

  sixty-year-old this episode of rock on [TS]

  the line is sponsored by need need is a [TS]

  refined retailer and lifestyle magazine [TS]

  for men [TS]

  you can learn more about them at their [TS]

  site need edition dot-com now here's the [TS]

  thing about need they're not a catalog [TS]

  there not some overwhelming retailer [TS]

  juggernaut know this is a whole new [TS]

  thought technology every month the folks [TS]

  that need source and curate a careful [TS]

  collection of exclusive products from [TS]

  brands around the world and then they [TS]

  present that collection in a monthly [TS]

  editorial a lot like what you'd see in a [TS]

  contemporary men's magazine [TS]

  so you're not going to see 50 pages of [TS]

  ironic t-shirts or some flash gallery of [TS]

  wackadoodle pan man pants no need does [TS]

  all the heavy lifting by hand selecting [TS]

  just the coolest and classiest pieces of [TS]

  menswear and accessories that they can [TS]

  find it is understated it is classic it [TS]

  is just beautifully simple to peruse [TS]

  purchase and owned the thing is this [TS]

  month need celebrated its first [TS]

  anniversary by launching a redesign and [TS]

  introducing a terrific new line called [TS]

  need essentials and that's an ongoing [TS]

  ever-changing collection of men's [TS]

  everyday staple items including stuff [TS]

  for grooming and travel they got [TS]

  literature coffee even items for your [TS]

  desk you really need to check this out [TS]

  is super cool so in celebration of needs [TS]

  first anniversary guess what [TS]

  Roger online listeners get some special [TS]

  freebies [TS]

  after you place your order with need [TS]

  send an email to hello at need edition [TS]

  calm with the subject line ping-pong and [TS]

  they'll send you a whole bunch of cool [TS]

  extra stuff stuff like field notes [TS]

  t-shirt socks maybe even one of those [TS]

  limited edition need baseball caps [TS]

  who knows to learn more and to browse [TS]

  needs current monthly collection [TS]

  please visit need edition comments need [TS]

  edition dot-com and our thanks go out to [TS]

  need for sponsoring Roger online they [TS]

  are making the world a lot more handsome [TS]

  like there are young people who cannot [TS]

  distinguish me from a sixty-year-old mhm [TS]

  and ultimately they're right right i [TS]

  mean what's the difference between me [TS]

  and a sixty-year-old just a little bit [TS]

  of just ten percent more vitality [TS]

  oh yeah i mean when you see those guys [TS]

  like you know if you don't have to be [TS]

  Jack LaLanne you know just those kind of [TS]

  guys who are real real puckish they can [TS]

  they're hopping around and helping [TS]

  helping move chairs and stuff in the [TS]

  violin i'm just sitting on the floor [TS]

  great take a photo of my daughter [TS]

  onstage go back to sleep [TS]

  it's not i've definitely reached a point [TS]

  it's really dispiriting it's dispiriting [TS]

  III and the thing is is part of me [TS]

  thinks I should you know we should make [TS]

  a bunch of changes i should make but I [TS]

  should I should have a personal mental [TS]

  and physical and emotional and maybe [TS]

  spiritual revolution I should just hit [TS]

  reboot and started all over [TS]

  yeah really nice but then not now now [TS]

  you're just a pathetic nut because you [TS]

  can't change it [TS]

  I mean you're good i mean though the [TS]

  only reboot that's gonna work is if the [TS]

  aliens have tsa backscatter technology [TS]

  to fix all your cells and make them [TS]

  plump again that's pretty appealing i [TS]

  think i think the way to make that an [TS]

  interesting story so the way I know your [TS]

  comic fan it's kinda like they're [TS]

  Galactus in your silver surfer and [TS]

  instead of actually eating the earth and [TS]

  consuming all of its energy they're [TS]

  going to do something something i'm [TS]

  thinking they throw you a bone they make [TS]

  you aware of the backscatter scanner and [TS]

  say you know what the usual season you [TS]

  got maybe let's say 22 episodes and [TS]

  classic TV season they say there's 20 [TS]

  things about you that can and eventually [TS]

  will kill you and this one's free [TS]

  well and the thing is some of them are [TS]

  just annoying right like yeah i mean [TS]

  like each week they could solve they can [TS]

  fix [TS]

  one really fucked up mole that you [TS]

  weren't even worried about right i'm [TS]

  just saying they give you a little bit [TS]

  every week I know you don't marry the [TS]

  cow if you can get the milk in the [TS]

  backscatter scanner so this is the ID i [TS]

  don't know what the aliens want from us [TS]

  is the thing right there they clearly [TS]

  don't want they're not here to take all [TS]

  six billion of us with them right where [TS]

  they put them over they do [TS]

  yeah right so if they're gonna take any [TS]

  of us and put us through the the plumper [TS]

  there's it [TS]

  there's got to be some trade you know [TS]

  you're going to end up being a pet [TS]

  somewhere right or you're here it's not [TS]

  going to end well for you [TS]

  you see I don't mean to sound like I'm [TS]

  obsessing over this but i think if you [TS]

  look at one thing that's super [TS]

  interesting to me about the last say two [TS]

  or three hundred years of changes in an [TS]

  actual technology not dating apps but [TS]

  actual technology isn't everything [TS]

  changes when you can measure something [TS]

  major measure something you didn't know [TS]

  was measurable and when you get a name [TS]

  for something that you didn't know [TS]

  existed if I think that's to me that is [TS]

  super interesting there's think about [TS]

  the special ed class when you were even [TS]

  in high school and when I was in I look [TS]

  back now and I think about the kids that [TS]

  were in the quote-unquote special [TS]

  education class and it seems fucking [TS]

  medieval the mix of kids in there [TS]

  they're probably kids that were dyslexic [TS]

  in there there are kids who had profound [TS]

  developmental disabilities their kids [TS]

  never probably had a severe and a TD [TS]

  right and certainly a whole range of [TS]

  spectrum stuff going on but they just [TS]

  want this one group which is like you [TS]

  don't fit with the rest of the school [TS]

  because we didn't have a way to measure [TS]

  it we didn't have a name for it and I [TS]

  think for a lot of power in technology [TS]

  and maybe I'm getting too sci-fi here is [TS]

  figuring out like maybe their shit that [TS]

  the aliens can come and measure and have [TS]

  a name for that we don't even know about [TS]

  including maybe let's just say our [TS]

  natural resources there may be natural [TS]

  resources here that they can measure [TS]

  have a name for that we aren't even [TS]

  aware of their I serve them well in [TS]

  their in their a GM GMC rvs in another [TS]

  galaxy and you could be the person you [TS]

  don't need to know where it is [TS]

  you just need to be you need to lay is [TS]

  that fucking shit you need to get in [TS]

  there and silver surfer that situation [TS]

  and help them get the things that we [TS]

  don't have a name for but I end up my [TS]

  end up feeling like [TS]

  remember remember in red dawn the mayor [TS]

  of the town remember the mayor of the [TS]

  town who are looking up no room in the [TS]

  movie Red Dawn he's a minor character [TS]

  yeah but the mayor of the town it's some [TS]

  kind of Montana town and he's just [TS]

  trying to on the one hand he's trying to [TS]

  help right the Russians are here the new [TS]

  boss or the Cubans for the new boss of [TS]

  the Montana dolly played by laying the [TS]

  great Lena Smith course was like me he's [TS]

  a character actor love that guy he's [TS]

  just trying to be just trying to keep [TS]

  their keep the lid on everything he's [TS]

  still the Mayor they're still dealing [TS]

  with him you know they didn't just take [TS]

  him out and shoot him [TS]

  they're still dealing with him [TS]

  contemptuously but they're dealing with [TS]

  him as they go about their own project [TS]

  is kinda like a union right kind of [TS]

  situation exactly is a union right he [TS]

  kinda comes in he's like he's subsequent [TS]

  is an East but but ultimately like you [TS]

  sense that he has he has some altruistic [TS]

  goals in mind he wants to be wants to [TS]

  help the citizens of his town who by [TS]

  liaison with his new masters but he ends [TS]

  up being on the wrong side because he's [TS]

  yeah he's a beast vichy yeah right yeah [TS]

  and the problem with being the the [TS]

  liaison to our alien masters is you [TS]

  don't want to be vichy and the end and [TS]

  the end you look and I don't understand [TS]

  their thought technologies enough to [TS]

  know whether they would they would [TS]

  recognize that trade in me and they [TS]

  would they would let me believe that I [TS]

  had complete autonomy in decision-making [TS]

  this minimalist I totally see what [TS]

  you're saying you don't really have any [TS]

  and you don't have any real bargaining [TS]

  power you don't have anybody to stock [TS]

  them you don't even understand what [TS]

  they're trying to do and they're just [TS]

  letting you have an extra crust of bread [TS]

  in this case might be removing them all [TS]

  from your back so your you get on you [TS]

  get on that television you use sir paul [TS]

  international television broadcast you [TS]

  say hello i am I have been empowered by [TS]

  our new alien masters to explain to you [TS]

  what is going on i am a human like you [TS]

  and I'm not under their thought control [TS]

  i am just here as it as a translator an [TS]

  intermediary to speak human language to [TS]

  you but who knows what theyre who knows [TS]

  if it got a finger and they're tickling [TS]

  your prostate or whatever but you don't [TS]

  even know about think about Jodie Foster [TS]

  in the in that uh and that contact movie [TS]

  but it's her there [TS]

  she's she's up in imaginary space and [TS]

  she's talking to her [TS]

  the ghost of her dad was a lot of angles [TS]

  for sugar a lot of angles so they're [TS]

  like yeah we're gonna remove this mole [TS]

  from your back inside here like oh [TS]

  that's thank you can use that sure the [TS]

  other plumping yourselves up [TS]

  meanwhile they're mining the the molten [TS]

  gold at the core of the earth shall we [TS]

  talked about this before [TS]

  nobody offers you money for something [TS]

  unless they think they're gonna get more [TS]

  value out of it then you're getting out [TS]

  of it [TS]

  actually I think it's a good idea in [TS]

  your in your liaison to be a little bit [TS]

  suspicious but maybe not let him know [TS]

  you're suspicious [TS]

  I'm just trying to figure out what their [TS]

  angle is you know their angle would be I [TS]

  can't imagine that it's anything other [TS]

  than mining the molten gold at the core [TS]

  of the earth unless it is i mean it just [TS]

  seems so unlikely that they but they [TS]

  want us for food it's like food is a [TS]

  simple problem seems like a uniquely [TS]

  earth problem [TS]

  yeah right i mean all right I'm did i [TS]

  tell you when i was in Kansas City [TS]

  I went to I went to oklahoma joe's BBQ [TS]

  and I had a tweetup with some with some [TS]

  very nice people in Kansas City and one [TS]

  of the people there was a was a young [TS]

  man in glasses and a baseball hat who [TS]

  works in tech nice guy intelligent guy [TS]

  and halfway through the meal halfway [TS]

  through my brisket meal i say to him [TS]

  like do what you want to BBQ by his BBQ [TS]

  or whatever he's like no I mostly eat [TS]

  silence [TS]

  and I was like we've been standing here [TS]

  talking for 20 minutes and only now you [TS]

  tell me that you mostly eat Soylent that [TS]

  stuff that's like a like a space shake [TS]

  yeah it's it's another San Francisco bro [TS]

  technology bunch of bros down there but [TS]

  hippie bros so we're like if you if you [TS]

  look at all the ingredients all the all [TS]

  the news interview an open-source [TS]

  nutritional drink it is yes all the [TS]

  nutrients that you need [TS]

  they just buy them raw from chemical [TS]

  companies and combine them in a grey [TS]

  metamucil style shake and you can just [TS]

  seriously mostly just eat this paste and [TS]

  it has all the nutrients that you need [TS]

  and off you go from universe rich life [TS]

  you've solved the food problem so you [TS]

  can spend more time coding dating apps [TS]

  the Creator says I spent a hundred fifty [TS]

  four dollars and sixty-three cents a [TS]

  month to your diet of 11,000 kilo joules [TS]

  in kilojoules kilojoules per day that's [TS]

  a thousand joules [TS]

  hmm who do you think it's quite medical [TS]

  food medical food food [TS]

  he said in a brisket for him now and so [TS]

  no he didn't want me brisket and you [TS]

  know when he was leaving he was gonna [TS]

  live forever you could tell you can see [TS]

  the look in his eyes that he knew he was [TS]

  going to live forever and i have to say [TS]

  as much of an epicurean as I am as much [TS]

  of a person who lives who truly lives [TS]

  who sucks the marrow out of life who it [TS]

  appeals to me to wake up every morning [TS]

  and then drinking shake with all of my [TS]

  kilojoules imminent you know ten years [TS]

  ago I would have said maybe because [TS]

  because there is something very [TS]

  appealing onstage on this is this is a [TS]

  really depressing episode i'm tired of [TS]

  thinking about I'm tired of thinking [TS]

  about starting a particular about feel [TS]

  about me coppers are back at ya go ahead [TS]

  tired of thinking about food and tired [TS]

  of buying food i'm tired of preparing [TS]

  food i'm tired of cleaning up after I've [TS]

  made the food and i'm tired of throwing [TS]

  leftover food i'm tired of food i'm [TS]

  tired of thinking about it and even when [TS]

  its food that makes me happy it doesn't [TS]

  make me that happy I'm tired of thinking [TS]

  about food no why do you have to keep [TS]

  clicking [TS]

  you're fucking toenails they just keep [TS]

  growing yeah yeah an irregular shapes [TS]

  increasing you know I've said this [TS]

  before but i really miss the the [TS]

  symmetry of my youth my body was more [TS]

  symmetrical starting to feel more and [TS]

  more off-center did you have a [TS]

  symmetrical body [TS]

  no not a hundred percent but i mean i [TS]

  think i could pass [TS]

  yeah yeah but but yeah I'll ok see [TS]

  anything is I i haven't researched this [TS]

  but silent and so and so this is [TS]

  something this is a new technology that [TS]

  people are exploring because why it's [TS]

  crisp it's just solved all the problems [TS]

  that you just described [TS]

  yes don't have to go can't you can make [TS]

  more apps yet you don't have to you [TS]

  don't have to eat kale you don't have to [TS]

  really even deal with taste for [TS]

  something to worry about costly dates [TS]

  you just you just chug your gray a like [TS]

  cornmeal paste and then you're gonna get [TS]

  so watching when you're free right you [TS]

  know it looks like it looks like i did [TS]

  this I've done a lot of kooky fad diets [TS]

  in the past i remember one point [TS]

  probably maybe 92 93 I gotten you know [TS]

  I've been a job for a couple years [TS]

  that's I you know I remember when I was [TS]

  in some 59 and when i was in college i [TS]

  was 249 pounds and so I was pretty [TS]

  skinny like not super skinny but then by [TS]

  the time I had a job for a couple years [TS]

  coinciding with the fact that I was now [TS]

  in my twenties and officially going [TS]

  downhill [TS]

  you know I got to like probably 165 and [TS]

  I i well i mean i was still wasn't you [TS]

  know heavy but it's still out but yeah [TS]

  one of the guys that you know you pick [TS]

  up on those even had a lot of these real [TS]

  jobs but that happens at the newsstand [TS]

  but you start doing like kooky diets [TS]

  that other people try and only the [TS]

  cabbage soup I did the not neutral [TS]

  systems what's the what's the one where [TS]

  you you get the shakes got cellulose in [TS]

  it we had orange juice to the powder and [TS]

  you shake it up you drink two of those a [TS]

  day instead of meals my orange julius [TS]

  now know you get a can and you put a [TS]

  scoop of this into this special built [TS]

  purpose shaker you top it off with [TS]

  orders to shake it and then you'll [TS]

  joyously slow down [TS]

  who and that's kind of what this stuff [TS]

  looks like it's got a little bit of a [TS]

  foam head [TS]

  on it before we had except in this case [TS]

  it looks like it's it i'm guessing it's [TS]

  got everything that you need for your [TS]

  key kilo joules I i feel i feel like [TS]

  this is a new evolution this is that [TS]

  this is this is it may be one of the [TS]

  principal problems of my charity right [TS]

  back when we were at the dawn of the of [TS]

  the modern age someone devised the [TS]

  theory that what we lacked was enough [TS]

  time we were wasting time doing all [TS]

  these labor-intensive things and what we [TS]

  need it was to free up that time and if [TS]

  we had that time free even imagine what [TS]

  we would do if we get that time back if [TS]

  we got that time we would be reading [TS]

  poetry we would be philosophizing on the [TS]

  mountaintop we would be living in a [TS]

  culture that was flowering art and music [TS]

  and dance will become cocksman on a [TS]

  level that are that arm our [TS]

  great-great-grandfather's could never [TS]

  even dreamed [TS]

  yeah I collapse on the divan with one [TS]

  hand shading my eyes just thinking about [TS]

  the elegance that would be capable of if [TS]

  we just had that time yes and the whole [TS]

  project of the last 200 years has been [TS]

  to free up this at this crucial time [TS]

  that we somehow that we somehow had lost [TS]

  it as we moved into the Machine Age and [TS]

  with every new device with every new [TS]

  thing that supposedly saves us time we [TS]

  realize that we have all this time now [TS]

  and we have to fill it and in the past [TS]

  we would have filled this time from dawn [TS]

  to dusk laboring and now we don't have [TS]

  anything to do and we don't have the [TS]

  imagination is necessary to really do [TS]

  you know to flower but also just in in [TS]

  passing during before the times that we [TS]

  were laboring all day we also have to [TS]

  worry about being destroyed by our [TS]

  environment right so we had a legitimate [TS]

  reason to be anxious all the time [TS]

  well we knew we were literally being [TS]

  chased by will [TS]

  literally not figuratively wolves not [TS]

  demon dogs but actual wolves snarling [TS]

  wolf app so you so you take away food [TS]

  and when you're 24 years old it seems [TS]

  like well I mean all I mean is taco bell [TS]

  anyway I might as well just drink [TS]

  Soylent and i'm getting nutrition [TS]

  uh-huh but for those of us who are in [TS]

  middle-aged food thinking about food [TS]

  preparing food eating food and then [TS]

  worrying about food but sixty percent of [TS]

  how we fill our time take that away and [TS]

  what do you fill it with more episodic [TS]

  television more Dan Harmon fan worship [TS]

  no do not take my food even though I [TS]

  hate it and even though I despise [TS]

  everything about food is least a game [TS]

  you have to play every day now you're [TS]

  right i mean i-i enjoy the food i enjoy [TS]

  the idea of some food but it's just [TS]

  again maybe I'm just old entire but it [TS]

  seems like so much effort goes into the [TS]

  food proposition to have my daughter [TS]

  then like push around a little bit of [TS]

  noodles and ask for dessert [TS]

  you know it's it's ridiculous but think [TS]

  about how much effort it would be if you [TS]

  had to make your own clothes but i can't [TS]

  imagine how much worse things would be [TS]

  if I had to make because I mean I kind [TS]

  of where the same thing every day as it [TS]

  is right so now which i think i wear the [TS]

  same thing literally everyday take a [TS]

  look at the clothes that you have on [TS]

  right now and imagine yourself in a [TS]

  situation where those were gone [TS]

  those had worn out and you needed to [TS]

  just make that you just needed to make [TS]

  those clothes that you have on it will [TS]

  take me like three years and you know [TS]

  but you'd feel good about it and you [TS]

  would wear those you wear those everyday [TS]

  with pride with the project write the [TS]

  correct the craftsmanship that went into [TS]

  this particular fantastic for sure [TS]

  now imagine if you had to make you make [TS]

  clothes for your daughter and how [TS]

  frustrating it would be every six months [TS]

  when you have to make her new clothes [TS]

  because the little beast kept growing [TS]

  yeah I feel like I feel like you know my [TS]

  I've told you my mom was issues to [TS]

  detail her week back in Ohio in the [TS]

  forties wherever you know there was an [TS]

  entire [TS]

  hey that they devoted just to ironing or [TS]

  arnon as they said they would earn for [TS]

  an entire day now they were thinking boy [TS]

  was that there was some kind of silence [TS]

  at least so close [TS]

  yeah that could allow us to be free of [TS]

  this labor right but you know but [TS]

  that's--you know it's kinda that's kind [TS]

  of what life is [TS]

  I mean you know not to pull out that [TS]

  turns out thing but you know people [TS]

  turned on time turns out you know what [TS]

  once we get all these time-saving [TS]

  devices once we have refrigerators you [TS]

  don't have to go to the store twice a [TS]

  day once we have washing machines so we [TS]

  don't have to spend our entire monday [TS]

  washing they needed said that all that [TS]

  really happened was that the standards [TS]

  went up now people expected there close [TS]

  to be done more quickly [TS]

  well write the standard of the standard [TS]

  of that went up but went down was closed [TS]

  suck now clothes are made by little [TS]

  brown hands in malaysia the clothes are [TS]

  all garbage we throw them away we we [TS]

  wear wear shirt 15 times and it's like [TS]

  this shirts old gone like standards have [TS]

  not only only the appearance of [TS]

  standards have gone up actual standards [TS]

  have declined everywhere [TS]

  yeah and I'm sitting here for helping a [TS]

  lot of people with something here and [TS]

  i'm sticking up this whole house with [TS]

  farts because all I eat is land jager [TS]

  and uh and reese's peanut butter cups [TS]

  that's no way to live however let's hear [TS]

  it certainly an option [TS]

  how can a man my age survive on land [TS]

  jager and reese's peanut butter cups [TS]

  till I mean I mean my Maya my emissions [TS]

  are evidence there's something deeply [TS]

  wrong inside be that's why I'm sick I [TS]

  need time you need to get on an alien [TS]

  scanner but you need to get on a new [TS]

  planet but if an alien scan me right now [TS]

  yeah they would find a ball the size of [TS]

  a of a calf they would find a ball the [TS]

  size of a newborn calf made of bovine [TS]

  calf made up of peanut butter and land [TS]

  jager inside me and they would say [TS]

  there's nothing we can do to save you [TS]

  were going to go somewhere else we're [TS]

  gonna have we're going to hire another [TS]

  going to be the spokesperson [TS]

  did you not know what you were doing we [TS]

  did you not know that this is what you [TS]

  get you get a ball out of this i had [TS]

  chicken fingers [TS]

  Oh configures chicken fingers and yeah [TS]

  some curly fries with it [TS]

  I stop that i actually on my drive [TS]

  across America I stopped at Taco Bell i [TS]

  have to admit and i had not been to a [TS]

  taco bell in a dozen years and I was [TS]

  like you know what I'm on a road trip [TS]

  and I am too busy to stop and a perkins [TS]

  i do not want to go into a bob evans [TS]

  still got Perkins yeah the last time [TS]

  last time i went into a bob evans I were [TS]

  the pot roast and it was watery and I [TS]

  was like no more hugging fool won't get [TS]

  fooled again so i went to talk about [TS]

  went to taco bell drive-thru and I got [TS]

  the old standby that I used to get when [TS]

  I would go to talk about all the time [TS]

  when I was a young person the old [TS]

  standby which is five tacos [TS]

  yeah they should be like 89 cents yeah [TS]

  and i sat in my truck with the engine [TS]

  running and I scarfed five tacos because [TS]

  that's all that's the only word you [TS]

  could use to describe it you don't start [TS]

  but it's a ver nice car from and the [TS]

  whole time i was thinking this is likes [TS]

  this is subtly this is this is like meat [TS]

  that is just coming out of a basically [TS]

  out of a Coke machine right it's chill [TS]

  it's just like they are they have to add [TS]

  texture to this to make it seem like [TS]

  ground beef and it was one of those taco [TS]

  bells in the middle of the country where [TS]

  you pull up in every single employee is [TS]

  like a high school girl roof [TS]

  you know I mean like as soon as you get [TS]

  out of the city's you pull up and like [TS]

  fast food jobs are still jobs that like [TS]

  somebody on there any club would get [TS]

  yeah I get five tacos handed to me by a [TS]

  girl with a jaunty ponytail [TS]

  I scar from in the parking lot and I was [TS]

  like this is it this is what this is [TS]

  reality i am i'm experiencing reality [TS]

  now in a way that I don't I don't let my [TS]

  protect my [TS]

  self from this reality five of them huh [TS]

  you-you-you smoke this shit cells to [TS]

  escape from reality [TS]

  I don't need this shit I am reality but [TS]

  then but better than even like just yea [TS]

  even just having like like normal food [TS]

  still feels like such a grind it just it [TS]

  really I UD I feel like a meat machine [TS]

  that just has to feed other meat into [TS]

  the meat machine and then I you know [TS]

  create my rudimentary paste take a nap [TS]

  it's disgusting creepy-looking Soylent [TS]

  maybe I should its open its open source [TS]

  i should get some code you know so you [TS]

  know my daughter is a is a happy [TS]

  carnivore but I'm shutter shutter to [TS]

  think about the conversations we've [TS]

  already had the conversation about like [TS]

  well this is this is meet it comes from [TS]

  a cow and she was like that comes from a [TS]

  cow how was like well it is a cow this [TS]

  is part of a cow that we made into these [TS]

  two this meat and she was like hmm [TS]

  and then we moved on to a different [TS]

  conversation but when she really i mean [TS]

  really sitting and explaining to her [TS]

  that we eat [TS]

  aminals uh-huh we eat aminals we don't [TS]

  have to leave but we do it on purpose we [TS]

  do it on purpose a lot a lot of planning [TS]

  infrastructure involved in getting this [TS]

  five chakra in your lab yeah like the [TS]

  farm is is a motif that we that we talk [TS]

  to kids about a lot like the farm [TS]

  chickens and cows and pigs and goats the [TS]

  farm and we take kids to farms were like [TS]

  the farm and kids get it but then it's [TS]

  like you know what the farmers who not [TS]

  just corn it's a fucking Holocaust every [TS]

  single farm everybody here dies and [TS]

  everybody here dies in a way that's they [TS]

  don't go curl up in their bed with [TS]

  they're bluffing [TS]

  the loving hand that they've spent their [TS]

  whole lives with everybody here dies bit [TS]

  by getting lured into a room they lured [TS]

  into a stainless steel room where we're [TS]

  a German looking woman in a smock is [TS]

  waiting and then it's all over it's [TS]

  curtains for you [TS]

  farm to our and that's you know and you [TS]

  know that's not a conversation I'm [TS]

  looking forward to having with her [TS]

  I can barely justify to myself I I i I'm [TS]

  the huge hypocrite in the world becomes [TS]

  I i do not have the stomach for that at [TS]

  all and you think about like that the [TS]

  the sluice and getting although matter [TS]

  off the farm in talking to the water [TS]

  supplies alarm pink slime [TS]

  I mean the best thing the aliens could [TS]

  do for us is make soil and tastes like [TS]

  Reese's peanut butter cups [TS]

  who and then you wouldn't have to you [TS]

  know the the number one advantage of [TS]

  silence with all its disgusting this is [TS]

  just that you can just take a step back [TS]

  from the factory killing machine culture [TS]

  is and I say that as someone who is has [TS]

  already eating a sausage today already [TS]

  in a sausage and chewed on the little [TS]

  like the little nubbins that are in [TS]

  every sausage and going like what is [TS]

  this nothin [TS]

  this was once a part of a thing those [TS]

  cardiology goodness this isn't like the [TS]

  soft part of that of whatever that guy [TS]

  was you know and that guy was out in the [TS]

  field not very long ago not thinking [TS]

  anything just the just a dumb cow not [TS]

  thinking i'm not sorry about it [TS]

  his thoughts you know you know I'm not [TS]

  sorry for him fuck him again [TS]

  yeah um so did you make your own soil at [TS]

  home do you buy it in a package don't [TS]

  think i'm starting to see the appeal [TS]

  like I tell you I think what I think you [TS]

  should try silence you go on amazon and [TS]

  it shows up in one of those civil [TS]

  defense bins remember when we were kids [TS]

  and they were still air raid shelters [TS]

  who in city buildings [TS]

  yeah you would go down in the basement [TS]

  of those buildings and there would be [TS]

  all those cardboard 50-gallon drums [TS]

  we'll shop with the Civil Defence [TS]

  triangle on them that was sort of a [TS]

  Trilateral Commission looking Masonic [TS]

  symbol [TS]

  I'm sure it's a coincidence and you [TS]

  would open those 50-gallon drums and [TS]

  they would be full of single aren't ya [TS]

  freeze dried food and and can stop that [TS]

  was all just slowly moldering yeah [TS]

  somewhere in America and I'm bed sheets [TS]

  in Kansas City there's still a basement [TS]

  of a government office building where [TS]

  all that civil defense air ride stuff is [TS]

  like sealed behind the door like like Al [TS]

  Capone's vault on you and you get now [TS]

  it's vintage but you know like when I [TS]

  was a kid there [TS]

  I mean maybe Alaska had a preponderance [TS]

  of this stuff but everywhere you went [TS]

  there were these civil defense cans in [TS]

  the down in the in the in the [TS]

  sub-basement where you were supposed to [TS]

  go when the Russians blow us all up [TS]

  of course yeah and I think what happens [TS]

  is silent sends you a big a big [TS]

  cardboard 50-gallon drum full of sand [TS]

  and then you add water to the sand and [TS]

  maybe like what a splash of cranberry [TS]

  juice or something for just one lady I [TS]

  bet there's a nepotism MacGuffin or a [TS]

  little trickier but there's something [TS]

  you put in like activated yeast event [TS]

  planning something that makes it look [TS]

  fresh right makes it fresh [TS]

  well you know it makes it the you know [TS]

  probiotic there's probably something you [TS]

  put in there that introduces a something [TS]

  that that was not available in the area [TS]

  shelters of the 50 something that you [TS]

  know something that makes it could see [TS]

  the trick is I bet it's got to be a [TS]

  little bit artisanal this is not that [TS]

  different from typical like diet powder [TS]

  you buy at the at the you know GNC or [TS]

  whatever there's gotta be something I [TS]

  should just read the wikipedia article i [TS]

  guess i sometimes it is if you google [TS]

  Soylent hack i bet you people are [TS]

  hacking Soylent uh-huh and i'm filling [TS]

  it up with you know acacia berries [TS]

  she's or yeah other and like [TS]

  antioxidants [TS]

  mmm yeah oh god this is depressing or [TS]

  make it taste like coffee make it taste [TS]

  like peanut butter [TS]

  oh this is really really depressing [TS]

  every it looks like everything in it is [TS]

  is gray or beige [TS]

  yeah because all because really we are [TS]

  made from the ashes and we go back to [TS]

  the ashes [TS]

  Mazel Tov sometimes i'm really hungry [TS]

  after we recorded i am not hungry today [TS]

  ah Mazel Tov [TS]