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0:00:24[Music]
0:00:29hello and John hi Berlin all know
0:00:35oh I'm a little sick I was exaggerating
0:00:39how sick I was you've never been a
0:00:42little sick
0:00:43mm don't you feel pretty fast I mean
0:00:45youryour you got a hockey stick curve my
0:00:47friend
0:00:48yeah well the problem is that they're
0:00:50also all colds all sicknesses and in the
0:00:53same place and it doesn't matter what i
0:00:54do if if the moment I start feeling sick
0:00:58I lay in bed for three days it with a
0:01:01warm blankie
0:01:03uh-huh i'm still going to get just as
0:01:05sick as if I went running naked in the
0:01:07cold rain
0:01:09Oh like there's nothing i can do once
0:01:11I'm on the path culture like record our
0:01:14with an upper respiratory infection
0:01:16yeah yeah yeah that's right and so yeah
0:01:20that's right so I died this year this
0:01:23time when I started feeling sick I was
0:01:25lying there in bed and I was like uh you
0:01:29know what I'm gonna do this time I'm
0:01:30just gonna I'm just gonna power through
0:01:32it i'm gonna go do all the stuff I'm
0:01:34going to be out in the cold i'm not
0:01:36gonna wear a scarf I'm just gonna go for
0:01:38it
0:01:38yeah and here i am three days in and
0:01:41just as sick as I would be if I were in
0:01:44a bath right now so i got a second I
0:01:48thought but not the cuttin out the
0:01:50glutens it helps a little bit but you're
0:01:52still going to get tax sometimes it is
0:01:54it has helped immeasurably I think my
0:01:57overall health
0:01:58I was thinking about this last night i
0:01:59have not since I stopped because I'm not
0:02:02maintaining out perfect and your default
0:02:06your default is i mean i'm guessing here
0:02:08at least with me when I've been
0:02:10successful with that it's been has never
0:02:11been the night I mean I very briefly was
0:02:14100% Atkins yeah back in the day as you
0:02:17know and you made fun of me
0:02:18yeah which is understandable but you
0:02:20know for me it's generally like all
0:02:22other things being equal if i have the
0:02:23choice i'm gonna go for less rather than
0:02:25more of the junk that I'm trying to
0:02:27avoid which i think is a very same
0:02:28pattern
0:02:29yeah unfortunately the problem with this
0:02:31cold is that it coincided perfectly with
0:02:33halloween and so Halloween I've given
0:02:36myself a bye
0:02:38on Reese's peanut butter cups
0:02:41oh man and so the sugar makes me feel
0:02:45bad anyway I don't know that's just it
0:02:48sounds like I'm it sounds like you're
0:02:50watching turning into like bald men
0:02:52talking about their colon alive so much
0:02:55to discuss including my colon and I I
0:02:57you know here's the thing that I am
0:02:59finally having to accept and you're
0:03:00right nothing could be more boring and
0:03:02somebody realizing they're getting old
0:03:03it's something everybody's gonna do in
0:03:05know when I am fighting at all but
0:03:10here's the thing you're younger and more
0:03:13elastic you can do things that make a
0:03:15difference in your life you could say
0:03:17you could say like oh I'll get a little
0:03:19more sleep want to think a little bit
0:03:21less i'll eat some carrots and you know
0:03:24within a day or two you notice a
0:03:25difference and it's it's it's like you
0:03:28know I would remember hearing is a kid
0:03:29like oh you know ground broker broker
0:03:31hip and it takes a really long time to
0:03:34heal when you're an old person with a
0:03:35broken hip
0:03:36you know it's just it's that if not it i
0:03:38would say a death sentence but in a
0:03:40mobility sentence that was a killer the
0:03:42broken hip
0:03:43yeah i'm a lot of people don't come back
0:03:45line and stuff goes downhill after that
0:03:46scene grandmother when she got old
0:03:48enough she broke her femur
0:03:50oh he managed to break your femur oh
0:03:52thank you might regret it because it's
0:03:53only in your body
0:03:54she broke it like buttering some toast
0:03:56right she like leaned into the toes
0:03:58known so much worse that's so pathetic
0:04:01she's sitting on my stoner uh got busted
0:04:04my cousins bed and he had this kind of
0:04:06like AB like it was kind of slippery
0:04:08sort of bedspread and she's sitting
0:04:10there she's very very very slowly slid
0:04:15off the bed landed on her knee and broke
0:04:17her from her femur
0:04:20well I suppose that's better than
0:04:22spontaneous combustion
0:04:24I don't know right i mean that's got a
0:04:27finality to it
0:04:28did you ever go through a phase where
0:04:29you research spontaneous combustion
0:04:31times because i know i did of course of
0:04:34course now of the many kinds of you know
0:04:37sasquatches and yet he's out there
0:04:38that's when I thought a lot about I want
0:04:40to circle back to that but i wanna talk
0:04:42here's the other thing for me it's like
0:04:44so like who like you and the Reese's
0:04:47peanut butter cups is that kinda like a
0:04:48one cigarette situation for you but can
0:04:50you really
0:04:51away from that after a couple days uh
0:04:53well you enjoy your hands John i do it
0:04:56remains to be seen i enjoy a chocolate
0:04:59candy particularly one where your
0:05:01chocolate has gotten in someone else's
0:05:03peanut butter right or conversely if
0:05:07your peanut butter gets in someone
0:05:08else's chocolate
0:05:10those are situations that I relish where
0:05:14you'll be walking along with a chocolate
0:05:15bar and you'll bump into a pretty girl
0:05:17and she'll have an open jar of peanut
0:05:19butter and it'll be like what the and
0:05:23here the forum
0:05:24I never thought this would happen to me
0:05:25up but but what's nice about the small
0:05:30size Halloween candies now the
0:05:34children's portion is that i can get i
0:05:38can i can have a little mini buffet
0:05:40because it you know about me also that I
0:05:42like a sample I like a sampler platter
0:05:44like a flight I went into I went into a
0:05:47fancy-pants restaurant here the other
0:05:49day where everybody had mustaches and i
0:05:52sat down and there was all this stuff
0:05:54about kale & P nope eyelashes and all
0:05:58this bullshit and then there was at the
0:06:00bottom it was like a platter right
0:06:03platter you can get it for for you could
0:06:07get it for six you could get 48 or
0:06:10something like that platter 48 huh
0:06:13and I looked at everything on the menu
0:06:15and I was like well I don't want any of
0:06:17that I want this platter but there's
0:06:19only going to be two of us the other
0:06:20person hadn't arrived yet and the
0:06:22waitress was like well it's a lot
0:06:24platter for is a lot of food and I was
0:06:29like alright i'll look at the menu again
0:06:30I looked one more time and then she came
0:06:32back and was like I i want the platter
0:06:34bring the platter
0:06:35I want the samples you know I want a
0:06:37little bit everything
0:06:39yeah I mean that sounds like we'll be
0:06:40back in the discriminatory days a real
0:06:42estate that sounds like steering is very
0:06:44normative to tell you how much you
0:06:45should be eating I know when the problem
0:06:47was or what she meant what she should
0:06:50have said was it comes with a bucket of
0:06:53potatoes
0:06:54awesome you have helped when the platter
0:06:59got their childs and pale the vegetables
0:07:02and the meat portions were all like
0:07:04three
0:07:04quickly find for two people it was just
0:07:06that had a bucket of potatoes just gonna
0:07:10matter but last night I sat down i sat
0:07:15down at the kitchen table after
0:07:16everybody had gone to bed and I had a
0:07:18one little reese's peanut butter cup and
0:07:21add one little butterfinger and had one
0:07:23little crackle and one little mr goodbar
0:07:27and one little Hershey person bar with
0:07:30almonds and that amount of candy was
0:07:35probably the equivalent I mean it what
0:07:39wouldn't even wouldn't even come close
0:07:41to the amount of garbage that's in a
0:07:43single small blizzard from Dairy Queen
0:07:45but I had a little bit of each candy and
0:07:49then I did I felt I mean honestly I
0:07:52walked around the house the rest of the
0:07:53night in a state of total craving but at
0:07:58the same time I noon there was not i had
0:08:00had one of every possible kind of little
0:08:03treat
0:08:04I that was not a second one that was
0:08:07going to help me at that point uh huh so
0:08:09that's the little the little many many
0:08:11bars actually are good for me although
0:08:14I'm opposed to them in principle
0:08:15yeah we did full-size bars this year god
0:08:18bless you and I figured it's time to
0:08:20start giving back to the community
0:08:22here's my problem and like this is a
0:08:24slow dawning and painful realization
0:08:26that I just have to reread realize like
0:08:28every few days is that this is not going
0:08:31to get better
0:08:32none of this i'm doing Louie CK sweep
0:08:33down my entire body of the spoiler
0:08:35loving about this is getting going to
0:08:37get better we'll see i keep I keep
0:08:39thinking that maybe when our alien
0:08:43overlords finally arrived and make them
0:08:46so I'm sorry when they finally make
0:08:47themselves known who and when they make
0:08:50themselves known by virtue of coming to
0:08:52me first and saying we need you to talk
0:08:55to the other humans on our behalf
0:08:57the first thing I'm going to say is put
0:09:00me in one of those TSA scanners and
0:09:04figure out everything that's wrong with
0:09:06me all the torn ligaments and all the
0:09:08little you know scar tissues you really
0:09:12get those moles like that John the moles
0:09:14and the enlarged prostate and all the
0:09:17end all this sick
0:09:18missin the and what is presumably like a
0:09:20like a thousand dormant viruses that are
0:09:24all just sort of sitting around the
0:09:26lunch table taking turns deciding which
0:09:28one is gonna get all the stuff we don't
0:09:30even have a way of metering at this
0:09:31point that's right in there and they
0:09:33have the technology maybe involving time
0:09:35travel to let you know like on and based
0:09:37on this here's a pie graph on how is
0:09:38probably gonna end for you
0:09:39I field well no I think they're going to
0:09:41scan me and then they're gonna do like a
0:09:43top-to-bottom scan and just eradicate
0:09:45all problems
0:09:47Oh what
0:09:51and then everything all the viruses are
0:09:54gone all the scar tissue is mitigated
0:09:56all the cells or little plump that happy
0:09:59little childlike cells and then fuck
0:10:03i'll be their spokesperson I'll do
0:10:05whatever they want
0:10:06that's a nice good faith gesture I feel
0:10:09like that would be you know like I don't
0:10:11want I don't want I presumably don't
0:10:13want Bitcoin or whatever from them who I
0:10:16don't even know what a universal
0:10:18spaceship will buy probably just shit
0:10:21the company store but if they can make
0:10:24my cells fat and plump again
0:10:26yeah I mean I i I'm so I'm getting
0:10:29details magazine in the mail now because
0:10:31somebody signed up for details
0:10:33I think as a prank i don't know where it
0:10:36came from but i'm getting details and it
0:10:38comes in and it's got like five perfume
0:10:41ads and you get but you can see the
0:10:42fumes coming out of the mailbox is in
0:10:44your hands
0:10:45it just smells like the just like who
0:10:48smells like that who are the people that
0:10:49buy this stuff but on the cover of
0:10:52details this month is a picture of brad
0:10:54pitt and i'm looking at Brad Pitt as I'm
0:10:57walking back from the mailbox to the
0:10:59house with my copy of details that I
0:11:01minute before i even get in the house I
0:11:03tear all the perfume ads out of it from
0:11:05looking at him like Brad Pitt is older
0:11:07than me he looks great
0:11:10he still looks like the best-looking guy
0:11:13at the hardware store is a really
0:11:15good-looking guy and I'm standing there
0:11:16with a friend with a lady friend and I'm
0:11:20like look at him he looks amazing and
0:11:22she's like you know he's you know he
0:11:24dyes his beard right
0:11:26oh I was like what Brad Pitt doesn't die
0:11:28is beer that's that's really the angel
0:11:30and she said look at his beard its all
0:11:33full of just for men and I looked at his
0:11:36beard and it did look a little suspect
0:11:37it looked like James Lipton's beard huh
0:11:40that is a very that is that beard is
0:11:43suspicious on so many levels right and
0:11:45so then I lunch and she was like he dyes
0:11:47his hair too and I was like no not Brad
0:11:49Pitt now and i looked at he does he does
0:11:52here so I don't know what that tells me
0:11:56he's still we still can climb a rope or
0:11:59whatever and you know that doesn't that
0:12:01you don't throw out the baby with the
0:12:02bath i'm sure there's still a lot of
0:12:03things you can learn from details
0:12:05magazine there's all that well there's a
0:12:07lot I can learn from brad pitt I feel
0:12:09still here and I really need to have a
0:12:12sit down like that guy seems
0:12:13down-to-earth yeah I'm you know who
0:12:16knows he's made a lot of questionable
0:12:17decisions but that's what I proves he's
0:12:19probably down to earth but i do feel
0:12:21like you know his handsome this alone
0:12:23would get him an audience with me
0:12:26we're watching the captain america movie
0:12:28and I i did I don't know why I do this
0:12:31when I say anything to my daughter ever
0:12:32was like yeah that guy right there you
0:12:34know a lot of people considered him
0:12:36Robert Redford to be the handsomest man
0:12:39and in the world at one point and even
0:12:41as the words were coming out of my mouth
0:12:42I was like this is not going to make any
0:12:44sense at all because even in he was very
0:12:46rugged looking
0:12:47yes he had a certain let's just say you
0:12:51know there's certain kinds of stars that
0:12:52would not have come up in the HD era em
0:12:56you got your Bradford's you got exactly
0:12:58get your your-your-your edward james
0:13:01olmos 'as you got sure
0:13:03Cameron Diaz's like we're like HD is not
0:13:07surpassingly kind to them
0:13:09uh-huh you see you see some of those uh
0:13:11see some of those flaws
0:13:13yeah it's very topographical yeah and so
0:13:16yeah I like the idea of the pink the
0:13:20pink plump cells though now when you
0:13:21pick up details did you start with the
0:13:23table contest you flip to obviously
0:13:25remove all the acts what are you looking
0:13:27for recipes because i read i read every
0:13:30magazine from front to back right this
0:13:32is that when i was when i was a little
0:13:34kid my mom got my mom had a subscription
0:13:36to Time magazine and she would give me
0:13:37the time magazine's and her instruction
0:13:40to me
0:13:41at first was you don't have to read
0:13:44every article just read the things that
0:13:46are interesting to you and so I was like
0:13:49okay alright and so I would have put
0:13:50through and you know back then it was
0:13:52just like page after page of pictures of
0:13:54henry kissinger talking to make george
0:13:56bundy but then there would be a picture
0:13:59of some bottles we have super hot there
0:14:02be a picture of somebody on a motorcycle
0:14:03over there would be a picture of some
0:14:05black September terrorists leaning over
0:14:08a balcony in the olympic village or
0:14:11there would be some you know the last
0:14:13feature on howard he's is long toenails
0:14:16and super interesting i want to attend
0:14:19the corner where you get a Time magazine
0:14:21like that anyway so I started reading
0:14:23time I started reading just the Articles
0:14:26that interested me and then I remember
0:14:29feeling a real sense of accomplishment
0:14:30when I said to myself when I began
0:14:34reading it from front to back without
0:14:37regard for whether or not the article
0:14:39seemed interesting and that was when I
0:14:42really started learning about interest
0:14:44rates but so now when i get a copy of
0:14:48details i open it up and I do not
0:14:49presume i do not prejudice the feature
0:14:52article i do not presume that the but
0:14:54that any of the stuff at the front of
0:14:56the book is not interesting to me i just
0:14:57read it all the way through details
0:15:01takes about 10 minutes
0:15:03true the latest copy of Wired you made
0:15:08me maybe surprised or not surprised to
0:15:10find also has perfume ads in it but
0:15:12which I was I felt like writing a letter
0:15:15to them like do of all the magazines in
0:15:18the world yours has to be the most
0:15:19chemically sensitive thought is it's
0:15:22like space perfume
0:15:23no it's some kind of Acts body spray
0:15:26because wire is trying to appeal to bros
0:15:28because bros are who make up San
0:15:30Francisco now yeah fair enough
0:15:33there was a fantastic editorial in the
0:15:35latest a wired about how machines should
0:15:38be free of spyware or of pre-programmed
0:15:43pre pre programmed government nipples or
0:15:48whatever lot of good stuff and wired I
0:15:51get a lot of my that's how I even talked
0:15:54to will we
0:15:54I just read wired and then I Benny and I
0:15:56have all this common ground and cats and
0:15:59cats and it's our you must says we
0:16:02should have artificial intelligence we
0:16:05should or shouldn't I thought I heard
0:16:06something i don't i don't like tech news
0:16:08i don't like news i think i heard that
0:16:10Elon Musk I understand you follow
0:16:12periodically he has concerned that the
0:16:14eyes are going to take over
0:16:16well I think the I think the concern is
0:16:18that in order to you know bit currently
0:16:23every device is has this built-in a
0:16:27weakness with a built-in flaw which is
0:16:30that the copyright protectors don't want
0:16:32us to be able to listen to music so they
0:16:35built in a way that they can keep us
0:16:36from listening to music and the cops
0:16:39don't want us to be able to make 3d guns
0:16:44with our 3d printers you're talking
0:16:46about like the apple thing like the
0:16:47Apple not gonna help break into your
0:16:49phone and bright and so over time as we
0:16:52seed more and more control to our
0:16:54machines if we continue to allow them to
0:16:57all be built with backdoor you know
0:17:02backdoor weaknesses or backdoor a
0:17:04permissions right higher level
0:17:07permissions that are granted to someone
0:17:09else besides us the owners then you've
0:17:12got AI things running all around you
0:17:14don't know who they're answering to and
0:17:17that is a dangerous condition and it was
0:17:19very was really food for thought I was
0:17:21like that's right that's what I don't
0:17:23want that's why that's why there's no
0:17:25computers in my new suburban oh that's
0:17:29probably smart you got an AM radio
0:17:30signals against entre got an AM radio
0:17:33and and I'm learning a lot about for you
0:17:36know Frank Sinatra was a sex symbol like
0:17:38every time I hear his voice come over
0:17:41the over the am radio over the single
0:17:43speaker in my truck which is all the
0:17:46time because he is the king of AM radio
0:17:50i think this guy was sexy people wanted
0:17:54to kiss the Skeletor of a like this baby
0:17:57Skeletor is what he looks like to I
0:18:01don't see it
0:18:01I don't see and I don't hear it in his
0:18:03voice he doesn't is not appealing you
0:18:04don't
0:18:05was really young he was super skinny
0:18:07when he was young and kind of freakish
0:18:09lakenya that we're curly hair back when
0:18:11he had hair
0:18:12see now i don't i'm not i'm not a body
0:18:14normative no rise as one thing I think
0:18:17we can all say about John Roberts he's
0:18:18not body normally not body normative but
0:18:20at the same time he is a row dent I'm
0:18:23creek Dean Martin sexy guy
0:18:28yeah we even Jerry Lewis would have a
0:18:31certain amount of enthusiasm in bed
0:18:32presumably but yeah that's how to make a
0:18:37lady lap right yeah Frank Sinatra like
0:18:42was just like little bony knuckles my
0:18:48problem is I fall back on convenience
0:18:49food sometimes sometimes I think I'm
0:18:51gonna treat myself and that fucking KFC
0:18:55/ taco bell near our house is always
0:18:58there
0:18:59it's always there you however you choose
0:19:01the KFC and how often do you choose the
0:19:03talk about what one does not choose a
0:19:07KFC one ends up at a KFC guys are you
0:19:10here in the door I I real KFC generally
0:19:13you don't go over the Taco Bell side of
0:19:15the line
0:19:15no no that the menu there is so
0:19:19overwhelming it's really really weird
0:19:20given that footprint of this place it's
0:19:22crazy how many different combinations of
0:19:24some kind of meat and sauce they have
0:19:26its really well but you know like
0:19:27yesterday I did this thing that I here's
0:19:31the thing I've never going to KFC and
0:19:33not regret it and I know that
0:19:35yeah I know I'm gonna regret it and it's
0:19:38the thing is like I really short on time
0:19:40I've made my thought processes like okay
0:19:42I did it again it's three o'clock and i
0:19:44haven't eaten and if I go home not
0:19:46having eaten i'll be cranky right and I
0:19:49and so it's dumb i should have eaten
0:19:50something halfway decent should eat some
0:19:52beef jerky two hours earlier but I say
0:19:55oh I'll just go in and get this little
0:19:57thing yeah and that the effect that food
0:20:00has on me setting aside anything it does
0:20:02to my gastrointestinal system it just it
0:20:04takes me out i need like a two-hour nap
0:20:06after i eat that food popcorn chicken to
0:20:08your popcorn trick and
0:20:10I guess sometimes i get a colonel strip
0:20:13like some strips i might get the the
0:20:1510-pack of the the bites get something
0:20:18small that can eat one literally walking
0:20:20to my house in something between the
0:20:21strip in a bite like yesterday we went
0:20:23to see the movie was seen moving my
0:20:24daughter and I and good movie and and
0:20:28why did this thing to do periodically
0:20:29where you get this you get this little
0:20:31platter that comes with curly fries and
0:20:34chicken strips
0:20:35uh-huh and I SAT there in a movie
0:20:37theater ate the entire thing
0:20:38uh I mean and and like every single by
0:20:42time i just filled with self-loathing
0:20:44because I know what's gonna happen then
0:20:45i came home and i slept for an hour and
0:20:47a half me in the middle in the middle of
0:20:49leaving daylight savings that's
0:20:51practically dark and i'm still laying on
0:20:52the bed groaning hmm i don't know i
0:20:55don't point it's just it's just that my
0:20:57recovery I recoveries are not what they
0:21:00used to be
0:21:01well it's so so i'm not i'm not
0:21:05depressed anymore i think that because
0:21:08of the gluten you remember number one
0:21:10night when I would talk about like I was
0:21:12just in a fog and I couldn't see to the
0:21:14end of my hand and I didn't know it
0:21:16sounds like you would I mean not as
0:21:18necessarily as a palliative or something
0:21:20but like you would find yourself eating
0:21:22a very large bowl of something perhaps
0:21:24even in the middle of the night
0:21:26yeah just to you know just to keep like
0:21:28the just to keep the barking sucks but
0:21:32you know now that now that now that it's
0:21:35been a long time since I've been in in a
0:21:38deep depression it has revealed my sort
0:21:41of latent normal level of constant
0:21:44depression to be just my old friend like
0:21:47I'm back with my old friend walking
0:21:49hand-in-hand with my pal
0:21:52normal depression and so I so last night
0:21:57I'm reading a wings of goals the
0:22:01magazine of naval aviators that i still
0:22:04get because my dad was a lifetime member
0:22:07of the association of naval aviators
0:22:11and it's one of those groups that
0:22:12doesn't want somebody dies that they
0:22:14don't take their name off their
0:22:16subscription list just keeps any of the
0:22:18magazine of Naval Aviation so I'm
0:22:21reading about it have you know I I enjoy
0:22:23getting it because it tells me all about
0:22:25the latest technologies you know they're
0:22:28firing harpoon missiles from c-130 is
0:22:30now it's very exciting
0:22:32it's not that's a cargo plane isn't yeah
0:22:34yeah i would like to be innovative
0:22:36I was like why weren't they doing this
0:22:38before you could put a lot of missiles
0:22:40on that that's what the leftover KFC in
0:22:43it
0:22:43have you figured it out but anyway i'm
0:22:45reading you know one of my favorite
0:22:46things about this magazine is it it felt
0:22:49all the old guys the 80 90 year old guys
0:22:52when they sit down to write the
0:22:55reminiscences you know they were right
0:22:57about the time that they that they
0:23:00scored that they put them down 50 in one
0:23:05day or whatever or telling shot.0 out of
0:23:07the sky with a 45
0:23:08shot.0 out of the sky over 45 her or you
0:23:11know strafed some locomotives outside of
0:23:13Incheon or whatever it was that they
0:23:15were doing back in the old days when
0:23:19they were flying mechanical airplanes
0:23:21the bristling with machine guns and they
0:23:24had to actually see the thing they were
0:23:25shooting it wasn't just some dot over
0:23:27her horizon and these kids know some of
0:23:31these people lived these extraordinary
0:23:33lives in their use where they you know
0:23:38imagine being in 50 dog fights before
0:23:44you're thirty right i mean you know
0:23:47think about some of these guys i mean
0:23:48there's a guy the world's oldest naval
0:23:52aviator is this guy who's a hundred and
0:23:54three years old and he retired from the
0:23:58Air Force as a over time so i retired
0:24:02from the Navy as a as a rear-admiral in
0:24:061958 wow he's still alive and yet i'm
0:24:13reading this magazine and I'm like this
0:24:15guy
0:24:15Wow like think about his life think
0:24:17about retiring from the Navy as an
0:24:19admiral in 58 and ever since 58 10 years
0:24:23before I was born
0:24:24when he's been walking around people
0:24:25still call him Admiral but he's been
0:24:28alive longer sense retired from the Navy
0:24:32then he was that he was old when he
0:24:36retired from the Navy and yes
0:24:41who gives a fuck nobody's ever heard of
0:24:44this guy he's gonna he's probably dead
0:24:46by now since the time the magazine came
0:24:47out and wherever he lives
0:24:50probably somewhere in san diego there's
0:24:52an obituary of him in the newspaper and
0:24:54then uh whatever his kids have a picture
0:24:58of him and that his grandkids are like I
0:24:59think that was my grandfather and then
0:25:01his great gang kids don't have never
0:25:04heard of them
0:25:06who cares who cares about anything my IP
0:25:11I can feel my colon my-my-my am what's
0:25:15that blue bulb up your butt that the
0:25:18doctor touches and that all in here at
0:25:20your prostate
0:25:21yeah I can feel mine in larger I can
0:25:24feel like it's not i don't even have to
0:25:25it's not impacting me yet I can just
0:25:27feel it down there like well now's my
0:25:29time
0:25:30yeah right he's waking up he takes his
0:25:32little stocking cap off and he's like Oh
0:25:33better get going and who cares who gives
0:25:39a shit who cares about me that I was
0:25:43gonna I you know I've got a lot of
0:25:45theories that I feel like there's a part
0:25:48of me that feels like well what if I got
0:25:49cancer tomorrow and they told me i had a
0:25:51month to live
0:25:52I would I would I hire somebody to sit
0:25:54and transcribe all my theories so that
0:25:56the that the world could benefit from
0:25:58them before i went and then when I was
0:26:00like who cares who gives a shit
0:26:02nobody's going to remember either way
0:26:04nobody cares about what I think and also
0:26:06who cares what happens to people even if
0:26:09my theories are super-good who gets the
0:26:11ship actually improve your diet
0:26:14yeah little friend back I got I got out
0:26:17of my card today in front of a cafe and
0:26:20a an attractive young woman was walking
0:26:22past and she looked at me and I looked
0:26:24at her and for whatever reason it will
0:26:26we didn't break eye contact you normally
0:26:29you look at somebody and you kind of a
0:26:30half like you have a scott simpson smile
0:26:32and then you look away real fast
0:26:34in case your eyes are hurting them but
0:26:38for whatever reason we both kept looking
0:26:39at each other and then she said
0:26:41nice hat was like wow thank you and I
0:26:46didn't have I didn't get back to her
0:26:49with a like I like your scarf or
0:26:51whenever it all happened so fast
0:26:53nice hat she said and all I could say
0:26:55was thank you
0:26:57and then we were past and I thought
0:27:02about filing a harassment suit but more
0:27:04importantly who cares she's gonna she
0:27:11doesn't remember me even now
0:27:13yeah that's a that's another thing in
0:27:15the fascinating story of getting older
0:27:17is being a non-combatant in the sexual
0:27:21revolution became the progress i've got
0:27:25a Greybeard and I swear to you there are
0:27:27people who walked past me and probably
0:27:29think to themselves look good for a
0:27:31sixty-year-old this episode of rock on
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0:29:13are making the world a lot more handsome
0:29:15like there are young people who cannot
0:29:17distinguish me from a sixty-year-old mhm
0:29:20and ultimately they're right right i
0:29:24mean what's the difference between me
0:29:25and a sixty-year-old just a little bit
0:29:28of just ten percent more vitality
0:29:30oh yeah i mean when you see those guys
0:29:32like you know if you don't have to be
0:29:34Jack LaLanne you know just those kind of
0:29:36guys who are real real puckish they can
0:29:38they're hopping around and helping
0:29:40helping move chairs and stuff in the
0:29:42violin i'm just sitting on the floor
0:29:44great take a photo of my daughter
0:29:48onstage go back to sleep
0:29:50it's not i've definitely reached a point
0:29:52it's really dispiriting it's dispiriting
0:29:54III and the thing is is part of me
0:29:56thinks I should you know we should make
0:29:57a bunch of changes i should make but I
0:29:59should I should have a personal mental
0:30:02and physical and emotional and maybe
0:30:05spiritual revolution I should just hit
0:30:07reboot and started all over
0:30:09yeah really nice but then not now now
0:30:11you're just a pathetic nut because you
0:30:13can't change it
0:30:14I mean you're good i mean though the
0:30:16only reboot that's gonna work is if the
0:30:18aliens have tsa backscatter technology
0:30:22to fix all your cells and make them
0:30:24plump again that's pretty appealing i
0:30:26think i think the way to make that an
0:30:28interesting story so the way I know your
0:30:29comic fan it's kinda like they're
0:30:31Galactus in your silver surfer and
0:30:33instead of actually eating the earth and
0:30:34consuming all of its energy they're
0:30:35going to do something something i'm
0:30:37thinking they throw you a bone they make
0:30:39you aware of the backscatter scanner and
0:30:41say you know what the usual season you
0:30:45got maybe let's say 22 episodes and
0:30:46classic TV season they say there's 20
0:30:49things about you that can and eventually
0:30:52will kill you and this one's free
0:30:55well and the thing is some of them are
0:30:56just annoying right like yeah i mean
0:30:58like each week they could solve they can
0:31:00fix
0:31:01one really fucked up mole that you
0:31:03weren't even worried about right i'm
0:31:05just saying they give you a little bit
0:31:06every week I know you don't marry the
0:31:07cow if you can get the milk in the
0:31:09backscatter scanner so this is the ID i
0:31:11don't know what the aliens want from us
0:31:13is the thing right there they clearly
0:31:15don't want they're not here to take all
0:31:17six billion of us with them right where
0:31:21they put them over they do
0:31:23yeah right so if they're gonna take any
0:31:25of us and put us through the the plumper
0:31:28there's it
0:31:31there's got to be some trade you know
0:31:34you're going to end up being a pet
0:31:35somewhere right or you're here it's not
0:31:38going to end well for you
0:31:40you see I don't mean to sound like I'm
0:31:41obsessing over this but i think if you
0:31:43look at one thing that's super
0:31:45interesting to me about the last say two
0:31:46or three hundred years of changes in an
0:31:49actual technology not dating apps but
0:31:51actual technology isn't everything
0:31:52changes when you can measure something
0:31:55major measure something you didn't know
0:31:57was measurable and when you get a name
0:31:59for something that you didn't know
0:32:00existed if I think that's to me that is
0:32:03super interesting there's think about
0:32:05the special ed class when you were even
0:32:07in high school and when I was in I look
0:32:09back now and I think about the kids that
0:32:10were in the quote-unquote special
0:32:12education class and it seems fucking
0:32:14medieval the mix of kids in there
0:32:16they're probably kids that were dyslexic
0:32:17in there there are kids who had profound
0:32:20developmental disabilities their kids
0:32:22never probably had a severe and a TD
0:32:25right and certainly a whole range of
0:32:27spectrum stuff going on but they just
0:32:29want this one group which is like you
0:32:30don't fit with the rest of the school
0:32:31because we didn't have a way to measure
0:32:33it we didn't have a name for it and I
0:32:35think for a lot of power in technology
0:32:37and maybe I'm getting too sci-fi here is
0:32:38figuring out like maybe their shit that
0:32:40the aliens can come and measure and have
0:32:42a name for that we don't even know about
0:32:44including maybe let's just say our
0:32:46natural resources there may be natural
0:32:47resources here that they can measure
0:32:49have a name for that we aren't even
0:32:50aware of their I serve them well in
0:32:52their in their a GM GMC rvs in another
0:32:57galaxy and you could be the person you
0:32:58don't need to know where it is
0:33:00you just need to be you need to lay is
0:33:01that fucking shit you need to get in
0:33:02there and silver surfer that situation
0:33:04and help them get the things that we
0:33:05don't have a name for but I end up my
0:33:07end up feeling like
0:33:09remember remember in red dawn the mayor
0:33:11of the town remember the mayor of the
0:33:13town who are looking up no room in the
0:33:16movie Red Dawn he's a minor character
0:33:19yeah but the mayor of the town it's some
0:33:21kind of Montana town and he's just
0:33:23trying to on the one hand he's trying to
0:33:27help right the Russians are here the new
0:33:29boss or the Cubans for the new boss of
0:33:32the Montana dolly played by laying the
0:33:34great Lena Smith course was like me he's
0:33:37a character actor love that guy he's
0:33:39just trying to be just trying to keep
0:33:41their keep the lid on everything he's
0:33:44still the Mayor they're still dealing
0:33:46with him you know they didn't just take
0:33:48him out and shoot him
0:33:49they're still dealing with him
0:33:50contemptuously but they're dealing with
0:33:53him as they go about their own project
0:33:56is kinda like a union right kind of
0:33:58situation exactly is a union right he
0:34:00kinda comes in he's like he's subsequent
0:34:03is an East but but ultimately like you
0:34:05sense that he has he has some altruistic
0:34:10goals in mind he wants to be wants to
0:34:13help the citizens of his town who by
0:34:17liaison with his new masters but he ends
0:34:20up being on the wrong side because he's
0:34:23yeah he's a beast vichy yeah right yeah
0:34:25and the problem with being the the
0:34:28liaison to our alien masters is you
0:34:30don't want to be vichy and the end and
0:34:34the end you look and I don't understand
0:34:37their thought technologies enough to
0:34:39know whether they would they would
0:34:41recognize that trade in me and they
0:34:44would they would let me believe that I
0:34:47had complete autonomy in decision-making
0:34:50this minimalist I totally see what
0:34:52you're saying you don't really have any
0:34:54and you don't have any real bargaining
0:34:56power you don't have anybody to stock
0:34:58them you don't even understand what
0:34:59they're trying to do and they're just
0:35:01letting you have an extra crust of bread
0:35:02in this case might be removing them all
0:35:04from your back so your you get on you
0:35:06get on that television you use sir paul
0:35:08international television broadcast you
0:35:10say hello i am I have been empowered by
0:35:13our new alien masters to explain to you
0:35:16what is going on i am a human like you
0:35:20and I'm not under their thought control
0:35:21i am just here as it as a translator an
0:35:25intermediary to speak human language to
0:35:28you but who knows what theyre who knows
0:35:31if it got a finger and they're tickling
0:35:33your prostate or whatever but you don't
0:35:35even know about think about Jodie Foster
0:35:38in the in that uh and that contact movie
0:35:41but it's her there
0:35:44she's she's up in imaginary space and
0:35:47she's talking to her
0:35:48the ghost of her dad was a lot of angles
0:35:53for sugar a lot of angles so they're
0:35:55like yeah we're gonna remove this mole
0:35:56from your back inside here like oh
0:35:58that's thank you can use that sure the
0:36:01other plumping yourselves up
0:36:03meanwhile they're mining the the molten
0:36:06gold at the core of the earth shall we
0:36:08talked about this before
0:36:09nobody offers you money for something
0:36:11unless they think they're gonna get more
0:36:12value out of it then you're getting out
0:36:14of it
0:36:15actually I think it's a good idea in
0:36:16your in your liaison to be a little bit
0:36:18suspicious but maybe not let him know
0:36:20you're suspicious
0:36:20I'm just trying to figure out what their
0:36:22angle is you know their angle would be I
0:36:25can't imagine that it's anything other
0:36:27than mining the molten gold at the core
0:36:29of the earth unless it is i mean it just
0:36:32seems so unlikely that they but they
0:36:34want us for food it's like food is a
0:36:36simple problem seems like a uniquely
0:36:38earth problem
0:36:41yeah right i mean all right I'm did i
0:36:42tell you when i was in Kansas City
0:36:44I went to I went to oklahoma joe's BBQ
0:36:48and I had a tweetup with some with some
0:36:50very nice people in Kansas City and one
0:36:53of the people there was a was a young
0:36:55man in glasses and a baseball hat who
0:36:59works in tech nice guy intelligent guy
0:37:01and halfway through the meal halfway
0:37:04through my brisket meal i say to him
0:37:07like do what you want to BBQ by his BBQ
0:37:10or whatever he's like no I mostly eat
0:37:12silence
0:37:15and I was like we've been standing here
0:37:17talking for 20 minutes and only now you
0:37:20tell me that you mostly eat Soylent that
0:37:22stuff that's like a like a space shake
0:37:25yeah it's it's another San Francisco bro
0:37:28technology bunch of bros down there but
0:37:31hippie bros so we're like if you if you
0:37:34look at all the ingredients all the all
0:37:36the news interview an open-source
0:37:37nutritional drink it is yes all the
0:37:40nutrients that you need
0:37:42they just buy them raw from chemical
0:37:44companies and combine them in a grey
0:37:47metamucil style shake and you can just
0:37:52seriously mostly just eat this paste and
0:37:57it has all the nutrients that you need
0:37:58and off you go from universe rich life
0:38:01you've solved the food problem so you
0:38:04can spend more time coding dating apps
0:38:07the Creator says I spent a hundred fifty
0:38:11four dollars and sixty-three cents a
0:38:12month to your diet of 11,000 kilo joules
0:38:15in kilojoules kilojoules per day that's
0:38:18a thousand joules
0:38:20hmm who do you think it's quite medical
0:38:24food medical food food
0:38:27he said in a brisket for him now and so
0:38:29no he didn't want me brisket and you
0:38:31know when he was leaving he was gonna
0:38:32live forever you could tell you can see
0:38:34the look in his eyes that he knew he was
0:38:35going to live forever and i have to say
0:38:37as much of an epicurean as I am as much
0:38:41of a person who lives who truly lives
0:38:44who sucks the marrow out of life who it
0:38:47appeals to me to wake up every morning
0:38:50and then drinking shake with all of my
0:38:52kilojoules imminent you know ten years
0:38:55ago I would have said maybe because
0:38:57because there is something very
0:38:58appealing onstage on this is this is a
0:39:00really depressing episode i'm tired of
0:39:02thinking about I'm tired of thinking
0:39:04about starting a particular about feel
0:39:06about me coppers are back at ya go ahead
0:39:10tired of thinking about food and tired
0:39:12of buying food i'm tired of preparing
0:39:14food i'm tired of cleaning up after I've
0:39:17made the food and i'm tired of throwing
0:39:18leftover food i'm tired of food i'm
0:39:21tired of thinking about it and even when
0:39:23its food that makes me happy it doesn't
0:39:24make me that happy I'm tired of thinking
0:39:26about food no why do you have to keep
0:39:28clicking
0:39:28you're fucking toenails they just keep
0:39:30growing yeah yeah an irregular shapes
0:39:33increasing you know I've said this
0:39:34before but i really miss the the
0:39:36symmetry of my youth my body was more
0:39:38symmetrical starting to feel more and
0:39:41more off-center did you have a
0:39:44symmetrical body
0:39:45no not a hundred percent but i mean i
0:39:47think i could pass
0:39:48yeah yeah but but yeah I'll ok see
0:39:51anything is I i haven't researched this
0:39:53but silent and so and so this is
0:39:56something this is a new technology that
0:39:58people are exploring because why it's
0:40:02crisp it's just solved all the problems
0:40:04that you just described
0:40:05yes don't have to go can't you can make
0:40:07more apps yet you don't have to you
0:40:10don't have to eat kale you don't have to
0:40:11really even deal with taste for
0:40:14something to worry about costly dates
0:40:16you just you just chug your gray a like
0:40:21cornmeal paste and then you're gonna get
0:40:25so watching when you're free right you
0:40:28know it looks like it looks like i did
0:40:30this I've done a lot of kooky fad diets
0:40:32in the past i remember one point
0:40:34probably maybe 92 93 I gotten you know
0:40:36I've been a job for a couple years
0:40:37that's I you know I remember when I was
0:40:40in some 59 and when i was in college i
0:40:43was 249 pounds and so I was pretty
0:40:46skinny like not super skinny but then by
0:40:50the time I had a job for a couple years
0:40:51coinciding with the fact that I was now
0:40:53in my twenties and officially going
0:40:55downhill
0:40:56you know I got to like probably 165 and
0:40:59I i well i mean i was still wasn't you
0:41:01know heavy but it's still out but yeah
0:41:04one of the guys that you know you pick
0:41:05up on those even had a lot of these real
0:41:07jobs but that happens at the newsstand
0:41:09but you start doing like kooky diets
0:41:11that other people try and only the
0:41:13cabbage soup I did the not neutral
0:41:15systems what's the what's the one where
0:41:16you you get the shakes got cellulose in
0:41:18it we had orange juice to the powder and
0:41:20you shake it up you drink two of those a
0:41:22day instead of meals my orange julius
0:41:25now know you get a can and you put a
0:41:28scoop of this into this special built
0:41:30purpose shaker you top it off with
0:41:32orders to shake it and then you'll
0:41:33joyously slow down
0:41:35who and that's kind of what this stuff
0:41:37looks like it's got a little bit of a
0:41:38foam head
0:41:39on it before we had except in this case
0:41:42it looks like it's it i'm guessing it's
0:41:43got everything that you need for your
0:41:45key kilo joules I i feel i feel like
0:41:48this is a new evolution this is that
0:41:53this is this is it may be one of the
0:41:55principal problems of my charity right
0:41:58back when we were at the dawn of the of
0:42:01the modern age someone devised the
0:42:05theory that what we lacked was enough
0:42:11time we were wasting time doing all
0:42:15these labor-intensive things and what we
0:42:18need it was to free up that time and if
0:42:21we had that time free even imagine what
0:42:24we would do if we get that time back if
0:42:25we got that time we would be reading
0:42:28poetry we would be philosophizing on the
0:42:31mountaintop we would be living in a
0:42:33culture that was flowering art and music
0:42:37and dance will become cocksman on a
0:42:39level that are that arm our
0:42:41great-great-grandfather's could never
0:42:42even dreamed
0:42:44yeah I collapse on the divan with one
0:42:48hand shading my eyes just thinking about
0:42:50the elegance that would be capable of if
0:42:54we just had that time yes and the whole
0:42:56project of the last 200 years has been
0:42:58to free up this at this crucial time
0:43:01that we somehow that we somehow had lost
0:43:06it as we moved into the Machine Age and
0:43:08with every new device with every new
0:43:11thing that supposedly saves us time we
0:43:15realize that we have all this time now
0:43:19and we have to fill it and in the past
0:43:24we would have filled this time from dawn
0:43:26to dusk laboring and now we don't have
0:43:30anything to do and we don't have the
0:43:33imagination is necessary to really do
0:43:37you know to flower but also just in in
0:43:40passing during before the times that we
0:43:42were laboring all day we also have to
0:43:43worry about being destroyed by our
0:43:45environment right so we had a legitimate
0:43:47reason to be anxious all the time
0:43:49well we knew we were literally being
0:43:51chased by will
0:43:52literally not figuratively wolves not
0:43:55demon dogs but actual wolves snarling
0:43:57wolf app so you so you take away food
0:44:00and when you're 24 years old it seems
0:44:03like well I mean all I mean is taco bell
0:44:05anyway I might as well just drink
0:44:07Soylent and i'm getting nutrition
0:44:09uh-huh but for those of us who are in
0:44:11middle-aged food thinking about food
0:44:14preparing food eating food and then
0:44:17worrying about food but sixty percent of
0:44:20how we fill our time take that away and
0:44:24what do you fill it with more episodic
0:44:26television more Dan Harmon fan worship
0:44:30no do not take my food even though I
0:44:34hate it and even though I despise
0:44:36everything about food is least a game
0:44:39you have to play every day now you're
0:44:43right i mean i-i enjoy the food i enjoy
0:44:45the idea of some food but it's just
0:44:48again maybe I'm just old entire but it
0:44:50seems like so much effort goes into the
0:44:53food proposition to have my daughter
0:44:56then like push around a little bit of
0:44:58noodles and ask for dessert
0:44:59you know it's it's ridiculous but think
0:45:01about how much effort it would be if you
0:45:03had to make your own clothes but i can't
0:45:07imagine how much worse things would be
0:45:09if I had to make because I mean I kind
0:45:11of where the same thing every day as it
0:45:12is right so now which i think i wear the
0:45:14same thing literally everyday take a
0:45:16look at the clothes that you have on
0:45:17right now and imagine yourself in a
0:45:20situation where those were gone
0:45:23those had worn out and you needed to
0:45:26just make that you just needed to make
0:45:28those clothes that you have on it will
0:45:30take me like three years and you know
0:45:33but you'd feel good about it and you
0:45:35would wear those you wear those everyday
0:45:37with pride with the project write the
0:45:39correct the craftsmanship that went into
0:45:40this particular fantastic for sure
0:45:42now imagine if you had to make you make
0:45:44clothes for your daughter and how
0:45:46frustrating it would be every six months
0:45:48when you have to make her new clothes
0:45:49because the little beast kept growing
0:45:51yeah I feel like I feel like you know my
0:45:54I've told you my mom was issues to
0:45:57detail her week back in Ohio in the
0:46:01forties wherever you know there was an
0:46:03entire
0:46:04hey that they devoted just to ironing or
0:46:07arnon as they said they would earn for
0:46:11an entire day now they were thinking boy
0:46:17was that there was some kind of silence
0:46:20at least so close
0:46:22yeah that could allow us to be free of
0:46:24this labor right but you know but
0:46:27that's--you know it's kinda that's kind
0:46:28of what life is
0:46:29I mean you know not to pull out that
0:46:30turns out thing but you know people
0:46:32turned on time turns out you know what
0:46:33once we get all these time-saving
0:46:35devices once we have refrigerators you
0:46:37don't have to go to the store twice a
0:46:38day once we have washing machines so we
0:46:41don't have to spend our entire monday
0:46:42washing they needed said that all that
0:46:45really happened was that the standards
0:46:47went up now people expected there close
0:46:48to be done more quickly
0:46:50well write the standard of the standard
0:46:54of that went up but went down was closed
0:46:57suck now clothes are made by little
0:46:59brown hands in malaysia the clothes are
0:47:02all garbage we throw them away we we
0:47:04wear wear shirt 15 times and it's like
0:47:06this shirts old gone like standards have
0:47:11not only only the appearance of
0:47:13standards have gone up actual standards
0:47:15have declined everywhere
0:47:16yeah and I'm sitting here for helping a
0:47:19lot of people with something here and
0:47:21i'm sticking up this whole house with
0:47:23farts because all I eat is land jager
0:47:25and uh and reese's peanut butter cups
0:47:28that's no way to live however let's hear
0:47:31it certainly an option
0:47:32how can a man my age survive on land
0:47:34jager and reese's peanut butter cups
0:47:36till I mean I mean my Maya my emissions
0:47:41are evidence there's something deeply
0:47:43wrong inside be that's why I'm sick I
0:47:49need time you need to get on an alien
0:47:51scanner but you need to get on a new
0:47:53planet but if an alien scan me right now
0:47:56yeah they would find a ball the size of
0:47:59a of a calf they would find a ball the
0:48:03size of a newborn calf made of bovine
0:48:05calf made up of peanut butter and land
0:48:08jager inside me and they would say
0:48:10there's nothing we can do to save you
0:48:12were going to go somewhere else we're
0:48:13gonna have we're going to hire another
0:48:14going to be the spokesperson
0:48:16did you not know what you were doing we
0:48:17did you not know that this is what you
0:48:19get you get a ball out of this i had
0:48:22chicken fingers
0:48:24Oh configures chicken fingers and yeah
0:48:26some curly fries with it
0:48:29I stop that i actually on my drive
0:48:31across America I stopped at Taco Bell i
0:48:34have to admit and i had not been to a
0:48:35taco bell in a dozen years and I was
0:48:40like you know what I'm on a road trip
0:48:41and I am too busy to stop and a perkins
0:48:46i do not want to go into a bob evans
0:48:50still got Perkins yeah the last time
0:48:52last time i went into a bob evans I were
0:48:54the pot roast and it was watery and I
0:48:57was like no more hugging fool won't get
0:49:00fooled again so i went to talk about
0:49:02went to taco bell drive-thru and I got
0:49:05the old standby that I used to get when
0:49:08I would go to talk about all the time
0:49:09when I was a young person the old
0:49:12standby which is five tacos
0:49:13yeah they should be like 89 cents yeah
0:49:15and i sat in my truck with the engine
0:49:18running and I scarfed five tacos because
0:49:22that's all that's the only word you
0:49:23could use to describe it you don't start
0:49:25but it's a ver nice car from and the
0:49:29whole time i was thinking this is likes
0:49:30this is subtly this is this is like meat
0:49:35that is just coming out of a basically
0:49:37out of a Coke machine right it's chill
0:49:41it's just like they are they have to add
0:49:45texture to this to make it seem like
0:49:49ground beef and it was one of those taco
0:49:53bells in the middle of the country where
0:49:54you pull up in every single employee is
0:49:57like a high school girl roof
0:50:00you know I mean like as soon as you get
0:50:02out of the city's you pull up and like
0:50:04fast food jobs are still jobs that like
0:50:07somebody on there any club would get
0:50:10yeah I get five tacos handed to me by a
0:50:14girl with a jaunty ponytail
0:50:16I scar from in the parking lot and I was
0:50:18like this is it this is what this is
0:50:20reality i am i'm experiencing reality
0:50:26now in a way that I don't I don't let my
0:50:28protect my
0:50:29self from this reality five of them huh
0:50:37you-you-you smoke this shit cells to
0:50:40escape from reality
0:50:41I don't need this shit I am reality but
0:50:45then but better than even like just yea
0:50:47even just having like like normal food
0:50:50still feels like such a grind it just it
0:50:53really I UD I feel like a meat machine
0:50:55that just has to feed other meat into
0:50:57the meat machine and then I you know
0:51:00create my rudimentary paste take a nap
0:51:02it's disgusting creepy-looking Soylent
0:51:04maybe I should its open its open source
0:51:06i should get some code you know so you
0:51:09know my daughter is a is a happy
0:51:12carnivore but I'm shutter shutter to
0:51:19think about the conversations we've
0:51:22already had the conversation about like
0:51:23well this is this is meet it comes from
0:51:26a cow and she was like that comes from a
0:51:28cow how was like well it is a cow this
0:51:32is part of a cow that we made into these
0:51:34two this meat and she was like hmm
0:51:38and then we moved on to a different
0:51:42conversation but when she really i mean
0:51:44really sitting and explaining to her
0:51:46that we eat
0:51:52aminals uh-huh we eat aminals we don't
0:51:57have to leave but we do it on purpose we
0:52:00do it on purpose a lot a lot of planning
0:52:02infrastructure involved in getting this
0:52:04five chakra in your lab yeah like the
0:52:07farm is is a motif that we that we talk
0:52:10to kids about a lot like the farm
0:52:13chickens and cows and pigs and goats the
0:52:16farm and we take kids to farms were like
0:52:20the farm and kids get it but then it's
0:52:24like you know what the farmers who not
0:52:26just corn it's a fucking Holocaust every
0:52:30single farm everybody here dies and
0:52:35everybody here dies in a way that's they
0:52:38don't go curl up in their bed with
0:52:41they're bluffing
0:52:42the loving hand that they've spent their
0:52:44whole lives with everybody here dies bit
0:52:47by getting lured into a room they lured
0:52:50into a stainless steel room where we're
0:52:53a German looking woman in a smock is
0:52:55waiting and then it's all over it's
0:52:59curtains for you
0:53:00farm to our and that's you know and you
0:53:03know that's not a conversation I'm
0:53:06looking forward to having with her
0:53:07I can barely justify to myself I I i I'm
0:53:11the huge hypocrite in the world becomes
0:53:13I i do not have the stomach for that at
0:53:15all and you think about like that the
0:53:17the sluice and getting although matter
0:53:20off the farm in talking to the water
0:53:23supplies alarm pink slime
0:53:25I mean the best thing the aliens could
0:53:27do for us is make soil and tastes like
0:53:32Reese's peanut butter cups
0:53:33who and then you wouldn't have to you
0:53:36know the the number one advantage of
0:53:38silence with all its disgusting this is
0:53:41just that you can just take a step back
0:53:44from the factory killing machine culture
0:53:47is and I say that as someone who is has
0:53:51already eating a sausage today already
0:53:54in a sausage and chewed on the little
0:53:56like the little nubbins that are in
0:53:59every sausage and going like what is
0:54:01this nothin
0:54:02this was once a part of a thing those
0:54:05cardiology goodness this isn't like the
0:54:07soft part of that of whatever that guy
0:54:10was you know and that guy was out in the
0:54:12field not very long ago not thinking
0:54:15anything just the just a dumb cow not
0:54:18thinking i'm not sorry about it
0:54:20his thoughts you know you know I'm not
0:54:23sorry for him fuck him again
0:54:25yeah um so did you make your own soil at
0:54:29home do you buy it in a package don't
0:54:32think i'm starting to see the appeal
0:54:33like I tell you I think what I think you
0:54:35should try silence you go on amazon and
0:54:38it shows up in one of those civil
0:54:40defense bins remember when we were kids
0:54:44and they were still air raid shelters
0:54:47who in city buildings
0:54:49yeah you would go down in the basement
0:54:51of those buildings and there would be
0:54:52all those cardboard 50-gallon drums
0:54:55we'll shop with the Civil Defence
0:54:58triangle on them that was sort of a
0:55:00Trilateral Commission looking Masonic
0:55:03symbol
0:55:03I'm sure it's a coincidence and you
0:55:06would open those 50-gallon drums and
0:55:08they would be full of single aren't ya
0:55:11freeze dried food and and can stop that
0:55:14was all just slowly moldering yeah
0:55:16somewhere in America and I'm bed sheets
0:55:19in Kansas City there's still a basement
0:55:21of a government office building where
0:55:22all that civil defense air ride stuff is
0:55:25like sealed behind the door like like Al
0:55:28Capone's vault on you and you get now
0:55:30it's vintage but you know like when I
0:55:33was a kid there
0:55:33I mean maybe Alaska had a preponderance
0:55:36of this stuff but everywhere you went
0:55:38there were these civil defense cans in
0:55:41the down in the in the in the
0:55:42sub-basement where you were supposed to
0:55:44go when the Russians blow us all up
0:55:46of course yeah and I think what happens
0:55:49is silent sends you a big a big
0:55:51cardboard 50-gallon drum full of sand
0:55:56and then you add water to the sand and
0:56:01maybe like what a splash of cranberry
0:56:02juice or something for just one lady I
0:56:06bet there's a nepotism MacGuffin or a
0:56:07little trickier but there's something
0:56:09you put in like activated yeast event
0:56:11planning something that makes it look
0:56:12fresh right makes it fresh
0:56:14well you know it makes it the you know
0:56:16probiotic there's probably something you
0:56:18put in there that introduces a something
0:56:21that that was not available in the area
0:56:23shelters of the 50 something that you
0:56:24know something that makes it could see
0:56:25the trick is I bet it's got to be a
0:56:27little bit artisanal this is not that
0:56:29different from typical like diet powder
0:56:30you buy at the at the you know GNC or
0:56:33whatever there's gotta be something I
0:56:34should just read the wikipedia article i
0:56:36guess i sometimes it is if you google
0:56:38Soylent hack i bet you people are
0:56:44hacking Soylent uh-huh and i'm filling
0:56:47it up with you know acacia berries
0:56:52she's or yeah other and like
0:56:55antioxidants
0:56:57mmm yeah oh god this is depressing or
0:56:59make it taste like coffee make it taste
0:57:01like peanut butter
0:57:02oh this is really really depressing
0:57:04every it looks like everything in it is
0:57:07is gray or beige
0:57:09yeah because all because really we are
0:57:13made from the ashes and we go back to
0:57:16the ashes
0:57:18Mazel Tov sometimes i'm really hungry
0:57:29after we recorded i am not hungry today
0:57:31ah Mazel Tov