Roderick on the Line

Ep. 126: "Big Cabbages and Baby Pigs"

 

  this episode of Robert on the line is [TS]

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  [Music] [TS]

  hello I John I'm Merlin how's it going [TS]

  pretty good [TS]

  mm I'm a little late i'm a little late [TS]

  never late when you said that something [TS]

  happened did you deal traffic problems [TS]

  ah well you know I like to do I like to [TS]

  to plot my movements and and my plan my [TS]

  time so that i have sort of you know [TS]

  everything optimized who and this [TS]

  morning I said well since I've got some [TS]

  coffee in the pot downstairs some cold [TS]

  coffee in the pot I don't have to like [TS]

  rush to get out of the house because i [TS]

  don't have to stop for coffee on the way [TS]

  food and then that little you know [TS]

  allowing for that little bit of a extra [TS]

  wiggle time as i like to call it who was [TS]

  giving myself some wiggle time and [TS]

  that's never a good idea you gotta do [TS]

  you gotta you gotta have a schedule you [TS]

  guys stick to it [TS]

  so once i introduced the idea of wiggle [TS]

  time because i had cold coffee in the [TS]

  pot it it was that that little extra bit [TS]

  of chaos that then through the whole the [TS]

  wheels completely off the wagon [TS]

  yeah the the cascading effect right [TS]

  against everything gets pushed out [TS]

  that's right i put a little wiggle here [TS]

  a little wiggle their food and then [TS]

  pretty soon you know I had recently had [TS]

  thirty percent more wiggle time you know [TS]

  because i had to spend a little bit of [TS]

  time looking out the window watching the [TS]

  neighbors had to play i had to play one [TS]

  game of threes 19 you can play one game [TS]

  of threes you know I have a way I play [TS]

  wake up game of three is when i wake up [TS]

  play game threes and that sets me on [TS]

  sets me on the course for the day [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  and uh but then you know like a course I [TS]

  i had to add find a pair of socks and [TS]

  that was that turned into more of it [TS]

  more of an ordeal cuz i was on one side [TS]

  of the house and I was like I know [TS]

  there's a pair of socks over here and I [TS]

  didn't abandoned once i realized there [TS]

  wasn't a pair of socks readily at hand [TS]

  I didn't band abandoned finding socks on [TS]

  that side of the house I could have just [TS]

  gone to the other side of the house [TS]

  where the Sox abound but I stayed on the [TS]

  side of the house i was on because i [TS]

  knew i was going to find a pair of socks [TS]

  over there somewhere but you know these [TS]

  kinds of post-mortems post-mortem can be [TS]

  really valuable you know you learn that [TS]

  you're learning a lot [TS]

  you're you know that right you could you [TS]

  could for example start planting socks [TS]

  around the house [TS]

  well and that's the thing that's what I [TS]

  typically do there are socks all over [TS]

  the house little sock caches and the [TS]

  problem was i identified the nearest [TS]

  stock cash i went there there was only [TS]

  one sock in it right not a pair of socks [TS]

  and and this infuriated me it was up [TS]

  there was one sock in a little cash with [TS]

  the hat and some gloves and so you know [TS]

  their elements of this sock cash that [TS]

  seemed like maybe they've their leftover [TS]

  from spring right why would there be [TS]

  gloves in cash [TS]

  it's all good detective work and it's [TS]

  october whatever month that is October [TS]

  it's october and so so I was like that's [TS]

  a little off-putting but then I you know [TS]

  so then I'm like searching around i know [TS]

  there's another sock cash nearby this [TS]

  one because the sock caches again always [TS]

  in threes [TS]

  anyway it got it got it I got a little [TS]

  bit sidetracked [TS]

  I had to load the dishwasher and you [TS]

  know of course that's that's not a thing [TS]

  you can just do you have to work it out [TS]

  anyway I was a little late coming to our [TS]

  broadcast and so I you know my apologies [TS]

  to you and all of our listeners know I [TS]

  don't think they might it was worth the [TS]

  wait [TS]

  CII don't get all of my back here [TS]

  lighting i get y Sox get lost in the [TS]

  laundry [TS]

  I mean I think there's a variety of ways [TS]

  lot of transport involved wear a pair of [TS]

  socks [TS]

  maybe maybe a single sock win doesn't [TS]

  matter i even understand what my [TS]

  daughter only has one of any sock she's [TS]

  got like 17 single socks and that's her [TS]

  sock collection luckily she's like to [TS]

  have fun with it and mix it up which i [TS]

  think is great saves us a lot of money [TS]

  we have as many as were clever i always [TS]

  take my socks off in the same way which [TS]

  they take them both off and make a tidy [TS]

  little nut ball exactly but I kind of [TS]

  join them together I married them with a [TS]

  little fold so when I find a single sock [TS]

  I know there's a monkey business up [TS]

  that's that's life fucking with me when [TS]

  I find a single sock so you're saying [TS]

  that you've tried to eliminate the [TS]

  possibility of socks getting separated [TS]

  and even in spite of it you have rogue [TS]

  socks [TS]

  yes yes and I don't want to feel like a [TS]

  nut about this but all I'm saying is [TS]

  that I have learned that in life there [TS]

  are certain em small steps one can take [TS]

  to keep the demon dogs at bay and one of [TS]

  them is a very small one which is that [TS]

  you just keep the stock spared [TS]

  yeah I are always together they're [TS]

  monogamous god I love that about you [TS]

  I'm like your daughter you know where a [TS]

  couple mismatch socks but then i'm [TS]

  always I'm always afraid as a guy my age [TS]

  you we've talked about this many times [TS]

  yeah I remember being 20 and seeing 30 [TS]

  year olds that I felt like where were [TS]

  repping a level of quirkiness that they [TS]

  didn't think that wasn't authoritative [TS]

  anymore right your third yeah no no I [TS]

  know that level [TS]

  mature mhm and then when I got to be 30 [TS]

  i was like well but I mean you know come [TS]

  on i can still whatever we're of where a [TS]

  peacock feather in my hat every once in [TS]

  awhile and and then I was like but i'm [TS]

  not going to show off my barcode tattoo [TS]

  I can be some 40 year old guy that's [TS]

  like dying his hair and wearing a like [TS]

  German orange glasses frames and no I [TS]

  got to be 40 and I was like well I'm not [TS]

  dying my hair but I'm i might have a [TS]

  pair of german classes frames you don't [TS]

  look like a type that tightly wound [TS]

  typesetter yeah [TS]

  perhaps someone that might be in a [TS]

  documentary about funny faces [TS]

  yeah i and and you know and if someone [TS]

  is making a documentary about typefaces [TS]

  or font faces give me a call because i [TS]

  have a lot of thoughts yeah but but uh [TS]

  but now you know so so yeah I'm like I'm [TS]

  confirmed in the lifestyle up being sort [TS]

  of a middle-aged like a cork write a [TS]

  middle-aged quark quirky guy not quite [TS]

  all the way to somebody who's chosen to [TS]

  live in Berlin but definitely somebody [TS]

  who is you know still like still have a [TS]

  very intentional an intentional sense of [TS]

  personal style [TS]

  yeah but I'm but I worry when I go all [TS]

  the way to like a mismatch socks that [TS]

  I'm like I'm becoming a little cyndi [TS]

  lauper you know what I mean like either [TS]

  do i do I know I know exactly what you [TS]

  mean I know I know it when I see it you [TS]

  want four percent Cyndi Lauper and [TS]

  everything you do you do not want to go [TS]

  into fourteen percent cyndi lauper if [TS]

  you're older than 15 years of age and [TS]

  you're at a whole foods with mismatched [TS]

  socks [TS]

  you need to check yourself mhm because I [TS]

  mean this is just kind of thing if you [TS]

  think about it like it's like brushing [TS]

  your teeth are wiping your ass you know [TS]

  reasons for me and by extension is for [TS]

  other people [TS]

  I'm not gonna go go around a check on my [TS]

  socks mickael like that so I'm so I'm so [TS]

  in some ways lucky that I'm not a woman [TS]

  because if I for a woman my style my [TS]

  personal style my female personal style [TS]

  i think is more flamboyant than my mails [TS]

  personal style is what i'm trying to say [TS]

  if I were a woman I would be I would be [TS]

  pushing the boundaries pretty far [TS]

  I mean I'm not saying that I would be [TS]

  wearing like a skirt over pants or [TS]

  anything crazy like that but i would be [TS]

  idea there are a lot of fun clothes over [TS]

  in the women's section that i would be [TS]

  that I would that I would be availing [TS]

  myself of ICU and I mean this as [TS]

  absolutely as a compliment but but to me [TS]

  you read as a postmenopausal bay area [TS]

  resident in the lady with the travel [TS]

  lady you'd see [TS]

  he at like a silent film festival with [TS]

  chunky jewelry yeah right a lady that's [TS]

  wearing a really big hat and then when [TS]

  you look more closely there's a cat in [TS]

  it you know at first I didn't notice the [TS]

  cat [TS]

  yeah like huh I've done that's a big [TS]

  happen i didn't think it was big enough [TS]

  to have a cat living in it [TS]

  yes it's a cat is that alright with you [TS]

  up my god i think that's good though I [TS]

  mean you know that things it's balanced [TS]

  by your ridiculous amount of masculinity [TS]

  in other ways [TS]

  hmm too bad you're dressed like that [TS]

  when you beat that guy's ass that was [TS]

  kind of funny you know I was dressed [TS]

  pretty plain point where I was anyway [TS]

  the claims suit if you if you look like [TS]

  I don't know like you know it seems like [TS]

  i know we have this in the Bay Area I've [TS]

  seen in other places be like the [TS]

  flamboyant zaftig like 55 year-old woman [TS]

  who reviews films and she's very [TS]

  classical yeah that's the thing she's [TS]

  got like black chunky framed glasses but [TS]

  that are specifically around like she's [TS]

  an architect [TS]

  maybe one of the one of the lenses is [TS]

  like like ten percent bigger than the [TS]

  other leg is slightly different sets of [TS]

  force perception of reality she just [TS]

  won't cartoon eyes [TS]

  no I welcome our weekly feel view [TS]

  argenis canse I'm going the other [TS]

  direction i'm trying to every all day [TS]

  long I'm just I'm walking around I'm [TS]

  second singing I'm saying Lynyrd Skynyrd [TS]

  simple man under my breath all day long [TS]

  just trying to be a simple kind of man [TS]

  to be something that I love and [TS]

  understand i'm trying to be a simple [TS]

  kind of man and wife is that John change [TS]

  periodically to have you as our Sun if I [TS]

  can i get that it doesn't it doesn't [TS]

  make a lot of sense moving forward in [TS]

  the lyrics but i think the songs that we [TS]

  sing under our breath are generally not [TS]

  things we share with people because [TS]

  they're very know because it's very [TS]

  difficult to explain why using a [TS]

  particular song on your breath i do it [TS]

  constantly have traveling music music I [TS]

  have a soundtrack for almost everything [TS]

  i do i absolutely do to my primary like [TS]

  my teeth is mhm [TS]

  haha heard you do that [TS]

  haha but that's definitely that's kind [TS]

  of my basic transition music and then [TS]

  when i get to whatever finished one [TS]

  doing I'll go hmmm uh yeah little [TS]

  fanfare right you just like I see three [TS]

  medieval guys in tights with one more [TS]

  long this long trumpets with with [TS]

  banners hanging up and work but their [TS]

  brother man haha but I want to return to [TS]

  the time thing for a minute I got two [TS]

  branches on this one branch is this [TS]

  something you've talked about before I [TS]

  its it seems to me that you have decided [TS]

  what the optimal but he's not an optimal [TS]

  excuse me [TS]

  strike that what the correct amount of [TS]

  time it is to do anything in the Seattle [TS]

  area you live there a very long time [TS]

  you're an excellent driver and you know [TS]

  how long it takes how long it should [TS]

  take you know how long it takes but then [TS]

  I hear other people talk about things [TS]

  like seattle traffic and apparently you [TS]

  can tell me this is true or not but [TS]

  apparently seattle traffic is worse than [TS]

  anyone would imagine uh well and it's [TS]

  it's it's crazy that it is getting worse [TS]

  like on an hourly basis he drive [TS]

  somewhere and then an hour later you [TS]

  drive traffic update is literally a [TS]

  traffic update is traffic got [TS]

  thirty-three percent work today and and [TS]

  some of it is a all the climate change [TS]

  refugees that are pouring in here from [TS]

  California and other places [TS]

  god bless some of it is just all the [TS]

  people that keep coming here to work in [TS]

  what we call the new boeing which is [TS]

  amazon.com you know the the reason that [TS]

  they're the reason that Seattle isn't a [TS]

  city of a hundred thousand people is [TS]

  that Boeing made big jet airplanes here [TS]

  and for 50 years people came that [TS]

  because there was good high-paying jobs [TS]

  here and now amazon is apparently able [TS]

  to do that although I I mean I still [TS]

  think of amazon as one of those like [TS]

  never profitable companies but maybe I [TS]

  maybe that's my 1999 talking well it's [TS]

  still accurate as of today right so I [TS]

  don't know how they're managing to death [TS]

  it's a break-even company right now [TS]

  Yeah Yeah right they are still it's all [TS]

  still lost leader stuff for some future [TS]

  profitability that I mean I just don't [TS]

  understand how that but there's a reason [TS]

  you and I are in the corner office [TS]

  haha yes to me you should worry less [TS]

  about drones and more about making money [TS]

  that is pretty amazing i would love to [TS]

  make Don John i would love to have [TS]

  drones delivering things but i find [TS]

  myself having to worry about making [TS]

  money [TS]

  I know I know and I would love to have a [TS]

  company that employs whatever 15,000 [TS]

  people all like sitting at desks made [TS]

  out of recycled doors and like trying to [TS]

  corner the market on every single market [TS]

  and that's doing the interview he had a [TS]

  recycled or that's so fucking annoying i [TS]

  forgot about that [TS]

  well no this is that I think I I mean I [TS]

  don't want to give away too much but [TS]

  part of the cult of amazon is that they [TS]

  all use recycled doors that is little [TS]

  too fucking sweet right and it but [TS]

  there's 10,000 people there so they're [TS]

  tearing down old houses in seattle just [TS]

  for the doors and they'll still deliver [TS]

  paper towels they'll deliver a cardboard [TS]

  roll with paper wrapped around it [TS]

  wrapped in plastic wrapped in a [TS]

  cardboard box to my house for free [TS]

  yeah i don't know i don't understand how [TS]

  it works but they are clogging the roads [TS]

  and so that the problem is that i cannot [TS]

  live so so a lot of the people who can [TS]

  who constantly vote down all the [TS]

  initiatives all the public transit [TS]

  initiatives all the you know light rail [TS]

  initiatives all of the hov lanes like [TS]

  all those people that are always voting [TS]

  those initiatives down they are [TS]

  precisely the people who are driving in [TS]

  their cars right though it's like a [TS]

  one-to-one correlation if you are if you [TS]

  have a dodge ram 2500 diesel dually king [TS]

  cab truck i guarantee you a that you [TS]

  vote down every transit initiative and [TS]

  be that you are stuck in traffic from [TS]

  five to seven both directions every day [TS]

  and so I don't understand what's going [TS]

  on in these people's minds right i mean [TS]

  they're because they're also [TS]

  unreflective generally so they're [TS]

  sitting in their cabs yelling and [TS]

  pounding on the steering wheel and [TS]

  dragging me one of those initiatives [TS]

  would take people off the road and make [TS]

  their life better right take other [TS]

  drivers off the road and make more room [TS]

  for their truck but they but they vote [TS]

  against those things reflexively [TS]

  right it's just one of the great sort of [TS]

  paradoxes of the above the world that it [TS]

  is that that people now vote against [TS]

  their self-interest in every respect or [TS]

  or at least reactionary people vote [TS]

  against their own self-interest because [TS]

  they imagined i guess that they are [TS]

  somebody different than they are or they [TS]

  imagined that their interests are [TS]

  different than their actual interests [TS]

  but so but i'm on the road and I'm you [TS]

  know Here I am a guy i'm in a car right [TS]

  I am I am legitimately part of the [TS]

  problem i used to live on Capitol Hill [TS]

  where I walked everywhere but then i [TS]

  moved out [TS]

  not all the way to the suburbs but 22 it [TS]

  so what I guess is probably a superb by [TS]

  the by the 1965 definitions of the city [TS]

  it is a suburb and now i am in a car i [TS]

  am I I am recapitulating this problem in [TS]

  my own life but sitting on the highways [TS]

  I just keep my solution to the problem [TS]

  is honestly more technology [TS]

  I I feel like I feel like cars are [TS]

  barbaric and that we that we need to I [TS]

  mean did people not see the movie [TS]

  Minority Report it was maybe not a good [TS]

  movie but those cars that are swarming [TS]

  over every surface like like cockroaches [TS]

  those were pretty cool cockroach cars [TS]

  right cars that are like obviously [TS]

  driverless yeah drone cars are moving [TS]

  super fast pay for with targeted [TS]

  advertising paid for with targeted [TS]

  advertising like we're headed there a [TS]

  facebook car like what we need to do and [TS]

  this is what's confusing to me because [TS]

  Google is working [TS]

  Google is working in a bubble they're [TS]

  making robot cars on their own for their [TS]

  own purposes [TS]

  Elon Musk is across the street right [TS]

  he's over there on the other side of [TS]

  cupertino drive avenue and he's making [TS]

  electric cars that he and he's got a [TS]

  plan and he's giving away his electric [TS]

  technology because he's because he's [TS]

  because he's the punkest of the of all [TS]

  the goatee where [TS]

  and then you got amazon here and there [TS]

  they're making everybody sit recycled [TS]

  doors and then the city government is [TS]

  just it's just you know just like [TS]

  juggling 15 balls just trying to get all [TS]

  these cars through the town and you know [TS]

  then there's some guy sitting at a desk [TS]

  who's in charge of synchronizing the [TS]

  traffic lights and he's he's obviously [TS]

  like got a vape pen that's full of Buck [TS]

  Rogers orgy drug or whatever it because [TS]

  he is whatever whatever buttons he [TS]

  should be pushing he should be pushing [TS]

  the other buttons is my is what i think [TS]

  and there's knows there's no systemic [TS]

  there's no nobody's talking to anybody [TS]

  else right nobody from google is coming [TS]

  to the city of seattle and saying look [TS]

  we got these electric cars we got the [TS]

  robot cars what we should we should be [TS]

  using Seattle as a test case we should [TS]

  be implanting little geoo gps their [TS]

  nubbins in the streets like let us come [TS]

  in will put the gps nubbins in the [TS]

  streets and we'll use Seattle as a as a [TS]

  electric car robot car test bed platform [TS]

  it's got its got to be integrated google [TS]

  can't just sit sit down there make make [TS]

  robot cars and and then again I and [TS]

  that's not a profitable company either [TS]

  right [TS]

  all they do is pretty well is that right [TS]

  but you know but I mean I think you're [TS]

  also describing something that seems [TS]

  close to your heart which is that the [TS]

  could be misreading this there's a big [TS]

  difference between rethinking our [TS]

  infrastructure vs vs coming up with a [TS]

  way that hack on a five-hundred-year-old [TS]

  way of travelling so the idea of a road [TS]

  we have to sit and pay attention while [TS]

  you're on the road goes back pretty long [TS]

  way you know you're driving your oxen [TS]

  and watching out of the corner of your [TS]

  eye [TS]

  the idea of putting all that technology [TS]

  into a car that would now ride on these [TS]

  legacy costly roads it's not super [TS]

  useful and it's really not a super [TS]

  useful when you're like hacking the [TS]

  existing laws rather try to try to make [TS]

  something really basically different [TS]

  yeah it's this it's this constant for [TS]

  it's this constant process of wall [TS]

  papering over the last wallpaper and and [TS]

  your rear the dimensions your room just [TS]

  are getting smaller and smaller because [TS]

  you're just slapping wallpaper up on ya [TS]

  the this idea of Roman roads and there's [TS]

  I mean and I i know you have this [TS]

  experience you get on the America's [TS]

  highways and you look around it's just [TS]

  like right every single person is alone [TS]

  in their car and this is a bet this was [TS]

  a bad idea [TS]

  I can see the appeal of it in 1918 I can [TS]

  see the appeal of it in 1950 but I do [TS]

  not see the appeal of it now and [TS]

  honestly I don't wanna I don't wanna [TS]

  share a car with my neighbors anymore [TS]

  than the next person does but like that [TS]

  again that's just a different way of [TS]

  thinking about the old way and when I [TS]

  think what we really need is pneumatic [TS]

  tubes I could not agree more i was [TS]

  trying to avoid saying it cuz i know [TS]

  it's a cliché but i totally agree i [TS]

  reached I'm in a really funny position [TS]

  because I I've been in this stupid town [TS]

  long enough and I've been walking and [TS]

  taking public transit primarily for 15 [TS]

  years and I to me the point where you [TS]

  have to get in a car to do anything that [TS]

  isn't fun like somethings that car ride [TS]

  out of town and go to a beach or [TS]

  something like that that's me that's a [TS]

  that's a pretty noble use for a car but [TS]

  when I have to like get in a car to go [TS]

  buy things I feel like I've really lost [TS]

  notice it's not even it's not one [TS]

  particular green impulse or any one [TS]

  thing it's just like we would get in the [TS]

  cars like a now and now we gotta go [TS]

  somewhere we're gonna drive we gotta [TS]

  park there [TS]

  we got a good deal with that [TS]

  infrastructure so that we can spend [TS]

  money somewhere that feels really stupid [TS]

  to me [TS]

  well we had a we had a fantastic day of [TS]

  the day we went to the Washington State [TS]

  Fair and that involve driving down to [TS]

  puyallup washington which was my whole [TS]

  life just like the total hick sheepdip [TS]

  farm town now it has become kind of a [TS]

  bedroom community for [TS]

  people who commute but who drive a dodge [TS]

  ram 2500 diesel dually king cab trucks [TS]

  you know so people but still feel like [TS]

  I'm an American I'm i live in the [TS]

  country I live in a house that was [TS]

  stapled together recently by saying that [TS]

  classic Seattle accent by some staple [TS]

  carpenters and i work downtown at the [TS]

  costco but I'm a countryman so right [TS]

  right like you're like a you're a ranch [TS]

  owner in training [TS]

  yeah right like I work at Walmart but i [TS]

  have a yard that has a riding lawnmower [TS]

  and so therefore i'm in touch with the [TS]

  land so but puyallup is the pure fair is [TS]

  super fun it's a bit sup it's a place [TS]

  where the they bring the big cabbages [TS]

  and they bring the little baby pigs and [TS]

  and so we went down there and we were [TS]

  stuck in traffic getting there [TS]

  surrounded by all these ram chargers and [TS]

  then went on our way out of the fair [TS]

  course you're stuck in ramcharger [TS]

  traffic again and we got up to the city [TS]

  we were going to go over to some [TS]

  people's house for dinner [TS]

  we got up to Seattle well it was a husky [TS]

  football game that day and so then we're [TS]

  in football traffic and the the city and [TS]

  the cops have it all figured out how [TS]

  they're going to get 40,000 football [TS]

  fans out of the University District all [TS]

  at once and their solution to the [TS]

  problem is to block off a bunch of roads [TS]

  I'll just have them dedicated solely to [TS]

  getting people out [TS]

  no just block them off like blocking [TS]

  them off so they don't have to i guess [TS]

  so they don't have to think about it or [TS]

  so they don't have to do that so they [TS]

  have to worry about people pulling [TS]

  u-turns I beat the shit out of me but [TS]

  they like a temple grandin like like a [TS]

  cow's loose that you can't make mistakes [TS]

  you don't make left turns or something [TS]

  it's got to be exactly that it's got to [TS]

  be exactly that that has to see what she [TS]

  could do with seattle's right so very [TS]

  erotic periodic hug machines we go ma'am [TS]

  you have nine months sorted out but so [TS]

  I'm trying to get over to this [TS]

  neighborhood that's on the other side of [TS]

  husky stadium and I come up to 45th [TS]

  which is the big that's the big [TS]

  thoroughfare and they've they've got [TS]

  cars coming out but no cars going in [TS]

  this is the big Road this is the main [TS]

  road through the area and I'm like that [TS]

  it makes no sense to me teeth that [TS]

  didn't think the goal is to just empty [TS]

  that part of town and no one can do that [TS]

  no one can live there anymore like your [TS]

  bananas so I go up to [TS]

  I go up to 50th they blocked it off I go [TS]

  up to 50 50 blocked it off there there [TS]

  they have dedicated cops sitting there [TS]

  on their motorcycles just to keep you [TS]

  from going in the opposite direction of [TS]

  the football traffic so that was crazy [TS]

  we finally get we're an hour late but we [TS]

  finally get to the dinner party and then [TS]

  upon leaving the dinner party you know [TS]

  we're all tired [TS]

  it's late at night we're driving home on [TS]

  the freeway that's not that's a long day [TS]

  we're driving on the freeway you don't [TS]

  understand you you went to this fair and [TS]

  then you went to dinner at somebody [TS]

  house when we went to dinner somewhere [TS]

  else too many things that's like a [TS]

  winter activity for me dinner at [TS]

  somebody's house and they had a hot tub [TS]

  and all the kids went in the hot tub so [TS]

  this is like you're getting started to [TS]

  see a picture of what my day was like [TS]

  and then where it's late [TS]

  the baby's asleep in the back driving [TS]

  home and the all week long they've had [TS]

  signs up on i-5 saying I 5-close [TS]

  midnight to 6am because we're going to [TS]

  do some work and I guarantee that work [TS]

  is not putting GPS nubbins in the road [TS]

  that work is some other bullshit like [TS]

  like replacing the bricks that hold it [TS]

  up or so or worse I I my understanding [TS]

  is that they are working on the [TS]

  electronic signage electronic signage [TS]

  that would have should have said when we [TS]

  said the highway was closed from [TS]

  midnight to 6am what we meant was we're [TS]

  going to start narrowing the highway [TS]

  down to one lane at 9pm and so we come [TS]

  here we come around come over the rise [TS]

  just past the last exit where you could [TS]

  get off before the longest stretch of [TS]

  the highway where there are no exits and [TS]

  traffic comes to a complete stop [TS]

  ten o'clock at night and it was to that [TS]

  is brutal and then you're just sitting [TS]

  there in the dark surrounded by [TS]

  thousands of people you hate [TS]

  all trying to get all trying to get five [TS]

  lanes of traffic down into one lane and [TS]

  I you know I honestly [TS]

  well i mean what i did was devised a new [TS]

  a whole new traffic scheme for the city [TS]

  we have plenty of time I had all the [TS]

  time in the world and I had all the [TS]

  motivation and and pneumatic tubes is [TS]

  what i came up with [TS]

  yeah i'm gonna do you could turn the [TS]

  roads into parks and just to be [TS]

  everybody there [TS]

  what did this is the other part III [TS]

  think it's an extremely interesting idea [TS]

  so I isn't that kind of money on musk is [TS]

  doing with two backs or whatever it's [TS]

  called two backs right i mean i'm a [TS]

  i-i-i feel like I feel like he and I are [TS]

  so often on the same page we line up [TS]

  with each other [TS]

  how hard would it be to backs I you know [TS]

  you take yeah you vacuum out the air you [TS]

  move people around you didn't answer to [TS]

  what I'm realizing know that like [TS]

  there's a huge Apocrypha c22 my thing [TS]

  which is that it isn't it isn't that I [TS]

  like want to be green necessarily I you [TS]

  know like anybody feels wasteful to me [TS]

  to go and spend four dollars a gallon on [TS]

  gas to go buy things I don't know why [TS]

  that bug me the idea of somebody gas in [TS]

  your car that you can drive somewhere to [TS]

  buy something and bring it home feels [TS]

  vastly inefficient to me [TS]

  well yeah have you seen the movie they [TS]

  live recently are you kidding LOL oh [TS]

  hello huge yeah but on the other hand I [TS]

  the other interesting trend now that [TS]

  we're a current events podcast is an [TS]

  idea of like yeah you know what they [TS]

  very loosely calling the sharing economy [TS]

  so like you know there are cases where [TS]

  it is way easier to take an uber [TS]

  somewhere I've never done lift or [TS]

  sidecar but you know it's cop super [TS]

  costly in San Francisco but in some [TS]

  cases it's just way easier global in [TS]

  that case what I let somebody else do my [TS]

  driving somebody probably doesn't have [TS]

  full insurance and i also have my very [TS]

  frequently use because i hate driving [TS]

  places to buy things now use the service [TS]

  here in town that will deliver groceries [TS]

  yep I've ever described the service to [TS]

  you [TS]

  this is the one where they bring they [TS]

  bring paper towels right you can bring [TS]

  toilet paper and paper towels [TS]

  that's that's amazon also but [TS]

  there-there's a there are so used to be [TS]

  that they're in the dot-com age people [TS]

  that owe [TS]

  oh-ho will go start a company to deliver [TS]

  groceries [TS]

  another common was that a common [TS]

  explanation in the.com days oh ho yeah [TS]

  oh you have to have that right your [TS]

  pitch deck oh how ya know it's funny [TS]

  like doing a web van and the pea pod and [TS]

  all of those and of course they realized [TS]

  very quickly that know they were [TS]

  actually gonna be in the trucking [TS]

  business because now they're gonna have [TS]

  to go out and start trucking company so [TS]

  what do you do now [TS]

  well i think you know what people pick [TS]

  up on pretty fast with these services [TS]

  like the one I use is that basically you [TS]

  go to a pretty website you order your [TS]

  groceries and then they get delivered to [TS]

  your house but they know safeway doing [TS]

  that ain't no Whole Foods that's [TS]

  basically uber for groceries [TS]

  oh it's subcontracting out to [TS]

  independent drivers independent it'sit's [TS]

  bunch of like SF State students like the [TS]

  basically go by your milk put in their [TS]

  filthy car and drive to your house and [TS]

  I'm hot I'm hot on it i'm talkin some as [TS]

  a student no no big car now they have a [TS]

  good film program but still that the [TS]

  thing is that is very hypocritical [TS]

  hypocritical of me in a lot of ways also [TS]

  hypocritical is hypocritical look if the [TS]

  Cryptkeeper the time but you know I [TS]

  think about a lot of it is just the [TS]

  selfishness of I don't like driving it [TS]

  did to me that I'm not fun to drive in [TS]

  the city's not really that's what I you [TS]

  know I used to like I used to like it [TS]

  when I had to drive somewhere for the [TS]

  holiday [TS]

  I would enjoy like a four to six hour [TS]

  drive from say like you know [TS]

  Tallahassee to the Bay Area sure [TS]

  somebody waiting you could roll the IC [TS]

  different bear different very sorry that [TS]

  the secondary area if you can drive from [TS]

  Tallahassee to the bay area in six hours [TS]

  you're already in pneumatic tubes you go [TS]

  from Leon count that's true [TS]

  Leon County Pasco County depending on [TS]

  how often you stop and whether you [TS]

  observe the speed limits of you know for [TS]

  a six hour drive [TS]

  that's a nice John is because that's [TS]

  time for your brain unwind and think [TS]

  about shit figure out how to build [TS]

  pneumatic tubes [TS]

  it's not the kind of thing where you're [TS]

  sitting intensely in traffic staring at [TS]

  taillights and wondering if you're ever [TS]

  going to see your home again on its [TS]

  ideal in Florida because because the [TS]

  because there are no there is no [TS]

  altitude of any kind in Florida you [TS]

  never are distracted by coming up over a [TS]

  rise and having a beautiful view [TS]

  it's completely unobstructed by beauty [TS]

  which really helps you focus on your [TS]

  to-buy do you can drive drive six hours [TS]

  across Florida and just feel like you [TS]

  are in a terrarium the entire time like [TS]

  you were an ad or an aunt in a terrarium [TS]

  oh my god that's the most beautiful [TS]

  cracker barrel I've ever seen up [TS]

  well I had an interesting experience the [TS]

  other day you know you know of America's [TS]

  a hit [TS]

  singing sensation paul and storm right [TS]

  yes you're familiar with this with this [TS]

  hit the same group [TS]

  oh yeah they're sensation yeah and call [TS]

  runs everything and drives and storm [TS]

  doesn't talk so much a storm has stormed [TS]

  storms deep thinker storms storms [TS]

  turning turning me when he says [TS]

  something if you got pretty goddamn [TS]

  funny when he says it but so Paul and [TS]

  storm recognize that it was my birthday [TS]

  and they sent me in the mail a large [TS]

  volume which is the eighteen ninety nine [TS]

  to nineteen hundred US Geological Survey [TS]

  census of various sort of mining [TS]

  communities around the country and then [TS]

  their initial census of Alaska the first [TS]

  like so you know 1898 was pretty big [TS]

  year for Alaska a prior to 1898 no one [TS]

  had any reason to go to Alaska and after [TS]

  1898 a lot of people felt like they had [TS]

  a very good reason to go to last place [TS]

  you'd go to escape an abusive [TS]

  relationship were merely hideout [TS]

  it was pretty hard to get to write it [TS]

  still is that still it's still true [TS]

  Alaskan today it's extremely license [TS]

  place [TS]

  yeah escaped from an abusive [TS]

  relationship come to Alaska but in 1890 [TS]

  in 1899 I of the vast majority of Alaska [TS]

  was unknown charted and so this geologic [TS]

  survey this large book represented the [TS]

  government sending dozens of guys up to [TS]

  the state and and basically they said to [TS]

  them like ok you five guys go up the [TS]

  Copper River and see if you can figure [TS]

  out a way to go up the Copper River and [TS]

  make it over to you know make it matter [TS]

  if you can get over land 240-mile then [TS]

  make maps of everything you see and then [TS]

  come back and tell us what you found and [TS]

  you guys go up the Matanuska River and [TS]

  see how far up there you can get and we [TS]

  know somewhere up there is for UConn but [TS]

  that's going to be a long trip and just [TS]

  make maps of everything you see and it [TS]

  was really that speculative it was [TS]

  really like we have these little dots we [TS]

  know about and not sure what happens in [TS]

  between that's exactly what it was they [TS]

  were like we know we know there are [TS]

  because you know 18 eighteen ninety-nine [TS]

  there are no airplanes either so no one [TS]

  has even flown over and surveyed it they [TS]

  just know from from those that first [TS]

  I mean obviously the Russians were in [TS]

  Alaska in the eighteen thirties but they [TS]

  were there mostly in boats and they were [TS]

  there interacting with with the Eskimo [TS]

  tribes and the Indian tribes and just [TS]

  collecting for some it was all about [TS]

  furs until they discovered gold and so [TS]

  you know yeah there were a few got a few [TS]

  people had like a few Whitey's had gone [TS]

  up the rivers and and married an indian [TS]

  girl and we're living up there but there [TS]

  was no real sense of I mean they're huge [TS]

  so anyway I'm so so these guys at the [TS]

  pawn store bought me this book they sent [TS]

  it to me in the mail [TS]

  the book is pretty trashed but in it are [TS]

  all these maps and color plates drawn at [TS]

  the time driving it you know whatever I [TS]

  mean this is this book came out that [TS]

  year and it's it they are maps drawn of [TS]

  places i know but sort of the first [TS]

  impression of these places and like well [TS]

  we went up this valley went up that [TS]

  Valley but we didn't go up the third [TS]

  valley and here in and and it's also a [TS]

  geologic survey so they're talking about [TS]

  the the the rocks they're looking for [TS]

  they're looking for gold really and [TS]

  copper and coal and in their mission is [TS]

  to kind of identify what the what it [TS]

  looks like the land can produce and lo [TS]

  and behold these reports that these guys [TS]

  wrote are incredibly chatty because [TS]

  these aren't these aren't guys with [TS]

  pocket protectors driving around [TS]

  Yosemite in 1955 trying to figure out if [TS]

  there's enough feldspar in the shift to [TS]

  justify you know to justifies drilling a [TS]

  borehole right these are guys in bear [TS]

  skins who are who are portaging like [TS]

  sealskin canoes [TS]

  up and and as soon as they go up the [TS]

  river and over the past there somewhere [TS]

  where know where that there's no [TS]

  information and that you know they're [TS]

  not just exploring it they're also [TS]

  serving at making maps and and using [TS]

  technical instruments to to try and make [TS]

  maps accurate so these guys are writing [TS]

  reports and the reports read a little [TS]

  bit i mean they're a little dry but they [TS]

  read kind of like an adventure book [TS]

  looks like one of the paragraphs was [TS]

  like well you know steamboat Jim went [TS]

  over that past two years ago but his [TS]

  companion froze to death and so he [TS]

  turned around and you know made [TS]

  overwintered by hollowing out a tauntaun [TS]

  and you know and then he came back down [TS]

  to copper junction and we we put [TS]

  together in the with a you know all this [TS]

  kind of adventure story telling what i [TS]

  said to 11 foot long to news are not as [TS]

  good as 120 foot long to New make it [TS]

  make a note of this for everybody coming [TS]

  coming coming next time you know like [TS]

  bring one big canoe not too small canoes [TS]

  and i was struck having just been to the [TS]

  XOXO festival i was struck again by the [TS]

  fact that people in history people [TS]

  hundred years ago were just as smart as [TS]

  we are people a thousand years ago were [TS]

  just as smart as we are like Socrates [TS]

  was just as smart as the smartest one of [TS]

  us 2,000 years ago and you know i have [TS]

  to be constantly reminded of that [TS]

  because again just being at the XOXO [TS]

  festival and walking around and feeling [TS]

  like hey everybody here is really smart [TS]

  and there's not a lot I mean there's a [TS]

  certain amount of self-satisfaction in a [TS]

  in that kind of group of people that are [TS]

  like we're all really smart but that [TS]

  festival was was very pleasantly without [TS]

  a lot [TS]

  out of smugness right people also [TS]

  recognized I mean I'm smart but [TS]

  everybody else here is to there was a [TS]

  lot of humility there but the general [TS]

  idea of a thing like that is where that [TS]

  no one has ever been as smart as us [TS]

  because we are developing these new [TS]

  technologies we are making the world a [TS]

  better place we are solving problems [TS]

  that have never been solved before and [TS]

  there's this you know this real like [TS]

  seductive feeling that we are the [TS]

  smartest ones who have ever been and I'm [TS]

  i'm reading this geologic Geological [TS]

  Survey and that the adventure stories [TS]

  are racist as can be you know these guys [TS]

  will come into a little village in there [TS]

  just like well you know the natives here [TS]

  are our pretty sordid and shiftless and [TS]

  but they seem to be you know [TS]

  comparatively intelligence such that you [TS]

  might be able to teach them to read and [TS]

  just matter of fact as can be just like [TS]

  this is a report of the of the ground as [TS]

  we find it you might be able to teach [TS]

  these natives to read and there's a lot [TS]

  of feldspar anything is that that's not [TS]

  that that long ago [TS]

  no not so that's just a little bit shy [TS]

  that's couple years for my grandfather [TS]

  was born [TS]

  yeah my great-grandfather one of my [TS]

  great-grandfather's went to the went to [TS]

  the Yukon to make his fortune in the [TS]

  gold Russian and did not make his [TS]

  fortune there and i still am suffering [TS]

  the consequences [TS]

  who him not striking it rich and in the [TS]

  Goldilocks planets dignity for you today [TS]

  yeah yep but so these guys you know [TS]

  there they are a in some ways like they [TS]

  do not have are they do not have our [TS]

  technology right they don't have our [TS]

  mechanical technology and they don't [TS]

  have our thought technology because both [TS]

  things are cumulative like technology is [TS]

  a kids is cumulative and and [TS]

  intellectual technology is cumulative [TS]

  but as far as like intelligence [TS]

  it's all there and it's been there for [TS]

  thousands of years and I I i think i [TS]

  think i need to i think i need to have [TS]

  that embroidered and hung over my bed [TS]

  food you know because because we are we [TS]

  absolutely are standing on the shoulders [TS]

  of giants in it in the the sense that we [TS]

  know how we can split the atom now and [TS]

  they didn't know how to do that 50 years [TS]

  ago I guess something somebody today [TS]

  knows how to split the atom there is [TS]

  someone somewhere who can split the atom [TS]

  and there was someone somewhere that [TS]

  could do it in nineteen forty foot now I [TS]

  am agreeing with you that we we like two [TS]

  days in the in the warm glow of other [TS]

  people's intelligence we've heard about [TS]

  know that we can say things like we can [TS]

  split the atom rising III can't [TS]

  understand what my sink is leaking [TS]

  haha have a big pot under it because i [TS]

  have not figured out what's happening [TS]

  yeah our collective intelligence meaning [TS]

  that the 25 people who actually know how [TS]

  to do things we hope we all get to bask [TS]

  in their glow but but we spend a lot of [TS]

  time thinking and talking about ideas as [TS]

  though [TS]

  well either that where the first people [TS]

  to ever have ideas [TS]

  certainly that were the first people to [TS]

  ever have these ideas and and then i [TS]

  read any book from any time period and [TS]

  realize that they were all churning [TS]

  those ideas all the time with you know [TS]

  we've made such minut progress and well [TS]

  so back to pneumatic tubes [TS]

  I feel like that's the next leap here [TS]

  here's the other thing this is this is [TS]

  nested in what you're saying but I have [TS]

  to call this out i'm thinking you know I [TS]

  don't know one thing like that John [TS]

  Carpenter movie the thing if you because [TS]

  you have it because that's all you think [TS]

  about relating that I really love [TS]

  that movie you don't think about [TS]

  Jonathan Coulton also big fan of the [TS]

  thing [TS]

  oh my gosh it's pretty perfect but you [TS]

  take the thing you take alien anything [TS]

  where you want to tell the story of [TS]

  people going out to do something not [TS]

  dissimilar from what you're describing [TS]

  let's say you have about you have a [TS]

  mission in mind to go to someone to for [TS]

  people to go somewhere where people have [TS]

  well maybe they've been there maybe they [TS]

  died there but we don't know a lot about [TS]

  where where these people are going to go [TS]

  and we're going to need people who have [TS]

  the ability to do the basic engineering [TS]

  the recognized during involved in [TS]

  finding out whether there's any feldspar [TS]

  here that's the video we're going to [TS]

  need that we're going to need or [TS]

  whatever that may be right [TS]

  we're gonna need it so amazing but the [TS]

  first guy you sent is the feldspar guy [TS]

  this is my point so you got the one [TS]

  saying this for just like John Carpenter [TS]

  movie or whatever movie should be like [TS]

  fucking 11 people you would need you [TS]

  need the feldspar a guy you would need [TS]

  somebody who knew how to use whatever a [TS]

  sextant whatever whatever they're using [TS]

  for surveying equipment is all different [TS]

  kinds of pseudo engineering skills [TS]

  oh and by the way you have to not die [TS]

  and you have to be able to do you have [TS]

  to be able to conduct to 11-foot canoes [TS]

  into an area nobody's ever been to and i [TS]

  hope you don't die please please make [TS]

  accurate records keep a little blog [TS]

  bring it back i'm saying is that's the [TS]

  part that blows my mind is how many [TS]

  people today could you send off on a [TS]

  similar kind of mission certainly things [TS]

  have gotten more technological but that [TS]

  would take a pretty hearty pretty [TS]

  fucking smart set of people to be able [TS]

  to go and do that and come back and have [TS]

  it be sensible a and that that same [TS]

  thing really struck me at just that that [TS]

  the massive adventure of of taking what [TS]

  i can only imagine was a steamship up to [TS]

  Alaska and then bouncing down to some [TS]

  kind of small little schooner and [TS]

  sailing with a one-eyed captain up to [TS]

  the mouth of a river that you that you [TS]

  know about and the reason the Copper [TS]

  River is named the Copper River is that [TS]

  the that's the one of the first people [TS]

  one of the first Western dudes to go up [TS]

  there [TS]

  amber looked around and said looks like [TS]

  there's probably a lot of copper around [TS]

  here like it's not named that because [TS]

  the waters are copper colored or [TS]

  whatever it was named that as a as a way [TS]

  of notating on a map for the next guy [TS]

  that came [TS]

  hey copper this visual cue [TS]

  yeah it's just like I mean a lot of a [TS]

  lot a lot of the reason if you look at [TS]

  any map of of America all that like dead [TS]

  man's creek and a you know Cole sink [TS]

  bottom or whatever like it's all your [TS]

  writing things on a map because you want [TS]

  because you're not going to be there to [TS]

  explain it to the next guy and you want [TS]

  him to see what you what you're seeing [TS]

  so you go to the Copper River because [TS]

  you're like well that sounds like a good [TS]

  place to start [TS]

  somebody what one of the four guys who [TS]

  have been here before said that they [TS]

  said you thought it seemed to really [TS]

  like there might be some copper up there [TS]

  and it's also a big river and then you [TS]

  get off and so you can it it's palpable [TS]

  in the writing of these guys that they [TS]

  know they're on an adventure but they're [TS]

  having fun but they are masking or their [TS]

  tamping that down because they have a [TS]

  job to do and the fun is you know the [TS]

  phone is is secondary they wouldn't have [TS]

  identified it as fun but they're also [TS]

  like nobody's really bitching about [TS]

  anything like the guy's friend froze to [TS]

  death and he came back and overwintered [TS]

  and then you know mustard a new group of [TS]

  guys and and went and tried it again [TS]

  like they are and and and there were a [TS]

  few people that that made it you know [TS]

  the one guy that made it all the way to [TS]

  Dawson City and he was in his day like [TS]

  kind of Harold it is a hero walked all [TS]

  this way across the across the place and [TS]

  and was making Maps the whole way [TS]

  you know I and i really do think that [TS]

  that is still and this is one of the [TS]

  projects of my whole life is to is to [TS]

  see if that is in me too and I do think [TS]

  it's in us all its active in us all [TS]

  that that the the number of us who [TS]

  really would just lay down and die is [TS]

  pretty that that's that's fairly rare i [TS]

  still be back on the steamboat bitching [TS]

  about my room [TS]

  he's back on the steamboat dressed in [TS]

  white linen you got it and how do you [TS]

  mean you're out of seltzer Fanning [TS]

  yourself with a handkerchief [TS]

  oh ok what I when I Jack you are a [TS]

  caution episode of rock on the line is [TS]

  once again sponsored by our very good [TS]

  friends at Squarespace the only one [TS]

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  all the front end the backend [TS]

  integration design SEO you're free to [TS]

  spend your time doing nothing but [TS]

  putting up your own great stuff you're [TS]

  writing your photos your store your life [TS]

  it's just the best crazy part is [TS]

  Squarespace plan started only eight [TS]

  dollars a month and that includes a free [TS]

  domain name if you sign up for a year so [TS]

  please remember to tell Squarespace that [TS]

  you heard about them they're pals at [TS]

  Robert on the line because listeners of [TS]

  this program get a free trial plus ten [TS]

  percent of any package they choose by [TS]

  using the very special offer code [TS]

  supertrain check out our thanks to [TS]

  squarespace for supporting rod on the [TS]

  line we could not do it without this up [TS]

  and you know and and honestly like the [TS]

  guys that made all the money it in that [TS]

  whole adventure we all know now were [TS]

  like the filson company or the guys that [TS]

  were selling shovels and it's the bits [TS]

  back to Deadwood the guys that were [TS]

  selling shovels and gold pants were the [TS]

  only ones that made any money right arm [TS]

  and that's maybe still true today it's [TS]

  the it the guys that are selling the the [TS]

  paper towels that delivered by drone [TS]

  are are the only ones you know paper a [TS]

  drone drone drop of of of paper towels [TS]

  is the contemporary gold pan as I sit [TS]

  here and think about things like [TS]

  whatever dead man's creek or like you [TS]

  know the here be dragons stuff up for [TS]

  some reason I can think about is how are [TS]

  we built a baseball stadium is named [TS]

  after a company that sells cellphone [TS]

  service but we are gonna they're gonna [TS]

  look back at us the nineties are going [TS]

  to make the sixties look like they're [TS]

  going to look back at us and they're [TS]

  gonna say god what a what a dead time [TS]

  everybody else all the other generations [TS]

  they're smart people skipped a [TS]

  generation [TS]

  what did what uh what a an empty era the [TS]

  comb comer kia ballpark [TS]

  I'm looking out the window right now and [TS]

  a little murky assure oakham archaea [TS]

  what are the ball parks around here [TS]

  named I can never remember it's there's [TS]

  the there's the safeco field right [TS]

  that's the baseball field named after an [TS]

  insurance company and then centurylink [TS]

  field centurylink is a company that [TS]

  links the centuries [TS]

  what is it like what they sell fences or [TS]

  ancestry services what is that [TS]

  well let's find out i have no idea what [TS]

  century is also basically go look up the [TS]

  various college bowl games which which [TS]

  which have started to get some good some [TS]

  pretty good names the college bowl names [TS]

  oh yeah like what are the chances he [TS]

  this is the problem with not being a fan [TS]

  as you know full games i think they're [TS]

  named after snacks you get snacks you [TS]

  get because used to be when I was a kid [TS]

  you had the orange bowl [TS]

  what you got the Rose Bowl you got the [TS]

  cotton bowl now I think today you can [TS]

  actually just pay the name after snack [TS]

  ship you can just have the free to label [TS]

  the dorito bolt let me tell you what [TS]

  centurylink is you might have guessed it [TS]

  already it is a local provider of [TS]

  high-speed internet phone and mobile [TS]

  Jesus so centurylink the reason it's [TS]

  called centurylink is because it costs [TS]

  up a Benjamin to get anything done [TS]

  this isn't right there on the big screen [TS]

  they should have called it Benjamin link [TS]

  on the galaxy so you get it you get 20 [TS]

  welcome how can we help you today says [TS]

  their website they're so friendly and [TS]

  then they have three stock photographs [TS]

  there's an african-american family [TS]

  looking at a tablet that's residential [TS]

  and then they're uh they have to clarify [TS]

  that residential is for your home [TS]

  high-speed internet and then the next [TS]

  quadrant over here and and these colors [TS]

  are suspiciously like Microsoft e colors [TS]

  it's like kind of a kind of a pumpkin [TS]

  orange a sky blue and a pea green pea [TS]

  soup green then a small business is the [TS]

  second category and there's a guy that [TS]

  kind of looks like a cross between Dan [TS]

  Benjamin an eel dash is looking at a [TS]

  computer that has no identifying [TS]

  characteristics [TS]

  it's a white computer but it has no but [TS]

  the Apple music and they look happy [TS]

  he's so happy because he's talking to a [TS]

  redheaded lady and she's got a cup of [TS]

  coffee they're both looking at a laptop [TS]

  that has had the that the apple logo [TS]

  digitally removed we have some colored [TS]

  pencils next to them small business and [TS]

  then under small business it says for [TS]

  your growing small business how they [TS]

  clarify that if you want to get the [TS]

  small business services those are [TS]

  particularly well-suited for people with [TS]

  a small business that's for your growing [TS]

  small business activity from residential [TS]

  chung it's different because residential [TS]

  is for your home and the thing about a [TS]

  thing about small business monic for [TS]

  that because your home is your residence [TS]

  that's the mnemonic for that [TS]

  00 i'm gonna i'm gonna write that down [TS]

  you [TS]

  they stipulate that your small business [TS]

  is growing because they don't want you [TS]

  to feel like having a small businesses [TS]

  like inferior in any way you are growing [TS]

  a small business you have transitively [TS]

  am [TS]

  yeah if you have a small business that [TS]

  is static I don't know which one of [TS]

  these you would use because the small [TS]

  business plan is just for growing small [TS]

  businesses it's it's like a shark while [TS]

  slashing toward the enterprise [TS]

  oh but wait a small business offers [TS]

  cloud [TS]

  they got class and they have cloud [TS]

  whereas residential doesn't have [TS]

  cloud-to-cloud small business has cloud [TS]

  any link is our God and then for large [TS]

  business they have a tall I'd say 60 [TS]

  year old white guy with the gray goatee [TS]

  he looks like he's trying to break his [TS]

  glasses [TS]

  he's holding his classes in both hands [TS]

  which I've never seen a person do and [TS]

  he's pulling on him like they're a [TS]

  wishbone like a turkey wishbone what [TS]

  he's thinking about self-harm he is he [TS]

  is looking intently at up at a blonde [TS]

  woman in white pants she is saying [TS]

  something to him it's in unclear what [TS]

  and then there's another guy a kind of [TS]

  uh seems young seems like he's wearing [TS]

  tight pants and then a woman who's [TS]

  smiling and that's large business and [TS]

  under large businesses says for larger [TS]

  local national and global businesses wow [TS]

  look at the time and they start with [TS]

  cloud sure they don't even sit bother [TS]

  saying high-speed internet or anything [TS]

  they start with cloud and then go to [TS]

  data managed services security and voice [TS]

  so they are offering a full suite of [TS]

  products at centurylink for a large [TS]

  business is not for the high-end large [TS]

  businesses they're not even using [TS]

  computers anymore it's all pure cloud [TS]

  it's just clued in code [TS]

  i'm gonna click on large business even [TS]

  though i have no right to go in there [TS]

  you haven't earned it I have up ok now [TS]

  I'm in here and it looks like a really [TS]

  interesting wordpress site for a lot of [TS]

  green color it's this so large [TS]

  businesses green all green and its just [TS]

  oh my god it's just cycling through that [TS]

  slideshow that every single one of these [TS]

  companies corporate websites app it's [TS]

  like slideshow of stock photos like a [TS]

  blanket or a carousel effect [TS]

  yeah oh they're nobodies down now is [TS]

  centurylink the home of the Seattle [TS]

  soccer's because the colors sound kind [TS]

  of similar so it is home of the sockers [TS]

  and I believe that that can [TS]

  only mean that the CenturyLink is some [TS]

  kind of paul allen microsoft a like [TS]

  front company right i mean they're not [TS]

  paul allen and Microsoft are not going [TS]

  to let some company have the naming [TS]

  rights to their stadium if they aren't [TS]

  all super mobbed up in bed with each [TS]

  other right [TS]

  make sense yeah I mean Paul Ellen [TS]

  basically owns this Seattle soccer's and [TS]

  the footballs uh-oh here's the footballs [TS]

  as well he's bad didn't get what you you [TS]

  probably weren't watching the Super [TS]

  Bowls last year but I had a TV I keep me [TS]

  and watch it after they won the contest [TS]

  a paul allen is suddenly on the stick on [TS]

  this the field he's and it looks like [TS]

  somebody has delivered a bag of laundry [TS]

  to the field he's hoisting up the he's [TS]

  hosting up the the trophy it was sort of [TS]

  like this signature look which is a look [TS]

  of like total lack of enjoyment lon can [TS]

  make can make any child's birthday party [TS]

  into awake it and he's out there and [TS]

  he's hoisting this football trophy up [TS]

  and it's like very clear to everyone who [TS]

  owns the footballs and it is this guy [TS]

  this this guy who long time ago had a [TS]

  beard and wrote presumably some code [TS]

  some like WordStar code right [TS]

  I think so yeah poland was like on the [TS]

  word starteam sure and some ms daus or [TS]

  her that ran on some 64k it types a bit [TS]

  pipes right at minesweeper minesweeper [TS]

  ok get Clippy wasn't totally be haha you [TS]

  look like you're trying to write a [TS]

  letter and so this guy for whatever [TS]

  reason we determine in our culture in [TS]

  our like end of history capitalism that [TS]

  this guy's worth six to nine billion [TS]

  dollars depending on the bit where the [TS]

  wind is blowing sure and he bones the [TS]

  footballs and he gets to go out and [TS]

  hoist the trophy and now he's named this [TS]

  the CenturyLink whoever they are [TS]

  doubtful that they are profitable [TS]

  company they named the soccer stadium [TS]

  after themselves [TS]

  what does that cost I wonder oh my [TS]

  goodness and you know I think that's a [TS]

  multi-year multimillion-dollar deal i'm [TS]

  looking here so you have you been to a [TS]

  ball game with the Giants here in town i [TS]

  have not been to a giants game now it's [TS]

  a nice it really is a cool park it's one [TS]

  of those new old parks right it looks [TS]

  old and fitness got sushi and garlic [TS]

  fries and stuff it's a lot of fun it's a [TS]

  lot of fun just later just like the [TS]

  minor 49ers yeah sushi garlic flat fries [TS]

  or what those guys without copper river [TS]

  part of santa clara county just just [TS]

  like the 49ers before them slipping on [TS]

  the board but to this place started so [TS]

  the original name i see i think you can [TS]

  everybody's pretty excited to get this [TS]

  park is candlestick is pretty gross but [TS]

  the original name was my phone company [TS]

  as well as well [TS]

  pacific bell park it was whole pack bell [TS]

  i packed ballpark [TS]

  I can totally live with this is got a [TS]

  statistic in the name em and then [TS]

  getting bought out so it became SBC park [TS]

  so our new awesome stadium became spc [TS]

  park and wait does builds a bank right [TS]

  note that would be the people who bought [TS]

  Pacific belt [TS]

  only more phone people wait hang on oh [TS]

  don't buy a new shirt yet because then [TS]

  in 2006 after the merger with spc this [TS]

  is fascinating as they say inside [TS]

  baseball 2060 became AT&T Park [TS]

  so we have only D&T park and i'm [TS]

  surprised why does an AT&T just buy up [TS]

  all the baby bells again because it it [TS]

  seems like uh whatever the antitrust of [TS]

  like frenzy we went through at a certain [TS]

  point there when we were deciding that [TS]

  AT&T couldn't be a monopoly we've [TS]

  definitely abandoned that kind of [TS]

  thinking oh yeah that's that's old [TS]

  school [TS]

  I think Facebook should just by AT&T and [TS]

  Comcast and just make it easier on all [TS]

  of us [TS]

  oh just wanna like die in death laser [TS]

  company that this trying to take us all [TS]

  down [TS]

  remember it wasn't very long ago that [TS]

  the u.s. government was pursuing [TS]

  microsoft for some antitrust a [TS]

  microsoft for some antitrust a [TS]

  problems because they what was the [TS]

  problem is pretty flimsy yeah because [TS]

  everybody use their computers that was [TS]

  the that was whether a man you know I'm [TS]

  not ask legal scholar i think it was [TS]

  because internet explorer their web [TS]

  browser was bundled with the software [TS]

  oh right so you didn't have a choice oh [TS]

  yeah gonna see internets like of all the [TS]

  things to go after Microsoft about that [TS]

  seems pretty weird but yeah and they [TS]

  were spooked for years for these I can [TS]

  just tell you I'm doing just a tiny bit [TS]

  people were pretty spooked about that [TS]

  for a long time [TS]

  well and I mean and it's really [TS]

  inhibited the whole idea of restricting [TS]

  access to the Internet as you know who [TS]

  know what would know one would dare try [TS]

  yeah yeah when the crazy part is the one [TS]

  that you know every Apple nerd listening [TS]

  to this nose is the way that the Justice [TS]

  Department went after Apple for [TS]

  price-fixing with bunks [TS]

  mmm this big investigation about how [TS]

  Apple is trying to fix prices all right [TS]

  right whatever else done that since no [TS]

  not at all thats not like introduce [TS]

  integral part of the Amazon business [TS]

  model seed cannot users [TS]

  I you know I am always obsessed with the [TS]

  the super super villain a persona and [TS]

  it's funny because jeff bezos man you [TS]

  think about that he's got the drones [TS]

  he's got recycled doors [TS]

  he's now decided that his company that [TS]

  started to sell books will just not sell [TS]

  books and that's going to be okay even [TS]

  they don't make any money [TS]

  there's something going on with that guy [TS]

  well the thing about him is he's always [TS]

  smiling in photographs which isn't [TS]

  common among those guys right i mean [TS]

  it's not like i'm paul allen has no [TS]

  never smiled not even on his fifth [TS]

  birthday [TS]

  it looks like he just had like a bunch [TS]

  of amyl nitrate for breakfast he's super [TS]

  happy super happy he does he looks like [TS]

  a river he looks like a he looks like [TS]

  somebody who is at burning man and yeah [TS]

  he just had to hike out of plywood he's [TS]

  just having stuff but by all accounts he [TS]

  is a very disagreeable person he sounds [TS]

  extremely unpleasant and that he uses it [TS]

  sounds like ever heard a couple things [TS]

  just sounds like he's his laugh is very [TS]

  aggressive and and you know everybody [TS]

  likes to like point laughter Steve Jobs [TS]

  and what like a mean character he was [TS]

  but he sounds like a pretty rough [TS]

  character pieces [TS]

  uh yeah well I'm sorry are you aware of [TS]

  campfire [TS]

  the application no no it's just one of [TS]

  those teddy bear picnic kind of things [TS]

  it's a teddy bear picnic [TS]

  ok Jeff Bezos has a thing [TS]

  uh an annual meeting called campfire [TS]

  sounds nice ego you roast marshmallows [TS]

  tell ghost stories i'm the ghost of [TS]

  bloody fingers uh so much so so it [TS]

  happens in Santa Fe New Mexico every [TS]

  year Jeff Bezos handpicks his uh it used [TS]

  to be a bunch of like all the famous [TS]

  writers Tom Hanks another famous [TS]

  famously apparently nice guy [TS]

  easy seems to be super nice but Bezos [TS]

  invites a like handpicks a bunch of [TS]

  really cool cats neil armstrong it's [TS]

  like a farm-to-table version of Ted [TS]

  right gonna fix you up with his fingers [TS]

  and takes you there [TS]

  well he bi he does I mean he sends his [TS]

  private jet to wherever you are and you [TS]

  fly in drones outside your so this is [TS]

  this is the great thing so so he has [TS]

  this thing it's outside of Santa Fe they [TS]

  have they put big long tables out in the [TS]

  night under the night sky with [TS]

  candelabras and white tablecloths and [TS]

  they serve you this beautiful meal and [TS]

  then you're all up at this Lodge and you [TS]

  have one of these things where a look [TS]

  there it's a it's a famous guy x talking [TS]

  to famous guy why and while there's [TS]

  probably gonna be some innovation that [TS]

  comes out of that like oh neato here's [TS]

  it's it's weezy he's here and weezy is [TS]

  talking to Martha Stewart and they're [TS]

  gonna they're gonna come out with the [TS]

  new hip-hop label or whatever as [TS]

  whatever [TS]

  Ted Ted kind of concept but not open to [TS]

  the public and he doesn't publicize [TS]

  their trade on it it's just for the [TS]

  smarts and the riches is it one of those [TS]

  a real talk about what happened here [TS]

  kind of things a little bit but you walk [TS]

  around in your in your in your the [TS]

  fleece jacket says campfire on it and [TS]

  then other famous is in first class look [TS]

  at you and go [TS]

  hello like it's a little bit of a [TS]

  Masonic ring or something at all haha [TS]

  original dot-com great oh but this year [TS]

  a lot of the writer people so this is [TS]

  the hot spot of this guy he invited all [TS]

  the famous writers including a ton of [TS]

  people that are published by hash at o2 [TS]

  his party and most of them said yes [TS]

  because no one says no one a billionaire [TS]

  wants to pick you up in his private jet [TS]

  and take you to a fancy party where Tom [TS]

  Hanks's and a few of these have shed [TS]

  writers like staged a little bit of a [TS]

  revolt and and wrote and said like um [TS]

  for obvious reasons we're not going to [TS]

  come to your stupid party because you [TS]

  have kind of screwed us out of our book [TS]

  sales in there there were a handful of [TS]

  writers whose books came out right about [TS]

  that time who it was just like if your [TS]

  if your record was released on 911 or [TS]

  something it was just like it's all over [TS]

  you can't if Amazon isn't stalking your [TS]

  book like forget it and so I was talking [TS]

  to one of these writers who had a [TS]

  best-selling novel the best-selling [TS]

  novel the follow-up to the best-selling [TS]

  novel came out on hash it and was one of [TS]

  the books targeted by amazon to me to be [TS]

  kept out of the stores are out of the [TS]

  virtual stores but then she was tendered [TS]

  an invitation to camp fire just like [TS]

  without even the left hand doesn't know [TS]

  what the right hand is doing Elizabeth [TS]

  Gilbert I I won't name that I want me [TS]

  right [TS]

  but i would love to see her letter which [TS]

  out i would love to see here just go [TS]

  fucking hammer and tongs on that guy [TS]

  so we were doctoring and we started to [TS]

  devise a plan and I'm going to reveal [TS]

  this plan to to our listening audience [TS]

  because AI know that they can keep a [TS]

  secret [TS]

  ok and BTW i believe that our audience [TS]

  has the power to actually put this plan [TS]

  into operation where whereas I do not [TS]

  God willing but the night of the big [TS]

  campfire dinner when everybody is [TS]

  sitting out under the stars at their big [TS]

  tables [TS]

  it's up on top of a Mesa to above the [TS]

  city of santa fe our proposal was a [TS]

  swarm of drones swarm of drones with [TS]

  cameras you start out you start out [TS]

  against like cicadas or something easier [TS]

  yeah just what first of all just one [TS]

  comes up over the Mesa and just head up [TS]

  like a little baby dragon whoa and then [TS]

  does a does like a long fast run right [TS]

  over the dinner table and everybody [TS]

  looks up and then Omaha Beach you people [TS]

  eat drones around drones of all sizes [TS]

  and just fuckin swarm it video in the [TS]

  whole thing will be you know while [TS]

  people are running screaming it's like [TS]

  this it's like the scene at the end of [TS]

  animal house [TS]

  yeah that's all the Deathmobile um yeah [TS]

  always well yeah [TS]

  bezos's standing there gets fragged by [TS]

  his own troops [TS]

  Niedermayer feel like I feel like this [TS]

  this is a great idea it would be very [TS]

  easy to do huh [TS]

  and it would be so high larious but the [TS]

  problem is the real problem is that [TS]

  would be his Pearl Harbor and that when [TS]

  he would never let that happen again so [TS]

  he would make sure that he bought out [TS]

  all the drug manufacturers so nobody [TS]

  ever fucked up part of my beautiful [TS]

  Cabernet [TS]

  but you think he never again never [TS]

  forget he would say he would say never [TS]

  forget but you know what they would have [TS]

  their dinner party next year not under [TS]

  the fucking stars as though they own the [TS]

  universe even in the submarine some I [TS]

  suppose you're wondering why I've called [TS]

  you are here [TS]