Roderick on the Line

Ep. 124: "The Legend of Skeeter"

 

  this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

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  hello hey John [TS]

  hi Merlin how's it going man [TS]

  oh I'm self-conscious [TS]

  why are you self-conscious how God no [TS]

  one cares but I've got a different [TS]

  microphone and it's making me [TS]

  self-conscious it sounds good [TS]

  you notice a difference yeah it's [TS]

  clearer i think it makes me sound old [TS]

  you think it's a it's a it's adds a few [TS]

  years to your voice and I'm worried that [TS]

  it's accurate as a few pounds now I'm [TS]

  worried that this is actually what I [TS]

  sound like [TS]

  oh alright I just haven't smoked in a [TS]

  really long time but I sound a little [TS]

  bit like I've got some some filterless [TS]

  camels in my throat [TS]

  yeah you've got a little Joan Rivers [TS]

  yeah on I try to talk as much like to [TS]

  save my instrument you know you that you [TS]

  thought the old microphone kind of [TS]

  concealed that a little bit [TS]

  hmm maybe I had before this is really [TS]

  super interesting stuff like as inside [TS]

  baseball as they say I the only one is a [TS]

  workhorse and the the road podcaster you [TS]

  know he gets like the yeah right [TS]

  plug-and-play yeah it's like the sm57 of [TS]

  podcast Mike's that doesn't make any [TS]

  sense that's like saying the tube videos [TS]

  but it but this one I gotta be careful [TS]

  cause of my closest i think it's not [TS]

  just one thing plosives closes a thing [TS]

  how did you how did you learn to use a [TS]

  mic mm uh the hard way for sure [TS]

  yeah you know you can tell a singer that [TS]

  doesn't know how to use microphone and [TS]

  you can really tell a singer that does [TS]

  know how to use a microphone and [TS]

  sometimes you gotta go i'll bet you know [TS]

  or a gal will be a singer for four years [TS]

  and never really figure out Mike [TS]

  technique [TS]

  uh-huh [TS]

  but because i was a guitar player right [TS]

  i had to you know I didn't have I don't [TS]

  have the option of like a lot of Mike [TS]

  shenanigans in the anus one of those [TS]

  things where at least while you're still [TS]

  just getting proficiency at all the [TS]

  different pieces there's so many I you [TS]

  probably never got this but I remember [TS]

  feeling like I had so many different [TS]

  things to do it once and I had to like [TS]

  remember you only play it twice this [TS]

  part you gotta play the guitar you gotta [TS]

  make sure to turn your volume down this [TS]

  part you know the paddles don't get me [TS]

  started on the pedals lot of pedals a [TS]

  lot of pedal work [TS]

  yeah and then on top of all that you [TS]

  have to remind yourself if you're the [TS]

  singer 20 right also inhabit the emotion [TS]

  of the song and present it to the [TS]

  audience in a compelling way maybe I dlr [TS]

  out there you got really bringing in [TS]

  bringing motion to the people you know [TS]

  and once you start doing that you forget [TS]

  all you forgot to do the volume you [TS]

  forgot to do the pedal you forgot to [TS]

  even which court was the right cord it's [TS]

  a lot of that's a that's a real juggling [TS]

  act [TS]

  hi welcome back to my talk up but i [TS]

  think it's picking up the streetcar [TS]

  extra well this is next to ya know and [TS]

  so what kind of it would be if you don't [TS]

  mind saying what kind of Michael's nose [TS]

  I would be happy to say ah before i was [TS]

  using the red podcaster which all [TS]

  obviously still keep around because you [TS]

  use kind of any proof then I dr. Rhodes [TS]

  good for podcasting it says it right in [TS]

  the name yet you know what it's true and [TS]

  it's got one of those funny sweetie [TS]

  shows so you know it must be good food [TS]

  someone on the internet has a nice [TS]

  person IRA carry Blanco sent me he works [TS]

  at a place called Samson it's a samson [TS]

  c01u pro oh nice I think they could have [TS]

  got a better name for it but that c01 [TS]

  know obviously the put for the tech nerd [TS]

  engineer types that by microphones [TS]

  that's that's just like Colin at the [TS]

  birth of the rose-petal fact it could be [TS]

  that could also be like the name of an [TS]

  android phone now [TS]

  m 0 android phone and write some anyway [TS]

  it's nice what do you use these are [TS]

  these a snowball what he is no no you [TS]

  got one of the shirt and Jesse just [TS]

  throwing looking ones like your printer [TS]

  get rid of Mike told use a [TS]

  podcasting Mike your professional god oh [TS]

  my god exactly my salmon cut that out if [TS]

  I'm really bad that i use an sm7 the [TS]

  great the greatest of all microphone [TS]

  just want a big poofy thing at two [TS]

  different covers i think i have one of [TS]

  those [TS]

  it's got a poofy thing if you have one [TS]

  let me let me [TS]

  I mean I don't want to get in the way of [TS]

  your Samson but listen the thing has [TS]

  everything about me and microphones is [TS]

  I've been to a lot of studios I've done [TS]

  a lot of tracking and every time but the [TS]

  producer or the engineer brings out all [TS]

  when it's time to do vocals bring out if [TS]

  we talked about this before I don't care [TS]

  brings out all the microphones and sets [TS]

  up a lot like them all out on a table [TS]

  and he's like you know this is a this is [TS]

  a twenty-five-thousand-dollar sony a [TS]

  tube mic and this is a you know this is [TS]

  our are you 47 that we got from from you [TS]

  know the original pink floyd and you [TS]

  know everybody's so proud of their like [TS]

  really high definition beautiful [TS]

  microphones and I and I I try not to be [TS]

  i try not to be the the singer that's [TS]

  like well none of those are going to [TS]

  work so i submit to a few hours of [TS]

  testing these microphones where they set [TS]

  it up and they put it through their best [TS]

  compressor and I sing and they track it [TS]

  and then we go in and we compare all the [TS]

  tracks and it's like well that's you [TS]

  know that Mike sounds great on everybody [TS]

  but for some reason it just doesn't [TS]

  sound very good right here and they [TS]

  eliminate that and then it's like well [TS]

  this next one it kind of doesn't sound [TS]

  very good either and they just start [TS]

  eliminating all the microphones until [TS]

  i'm back at the sm7 wow the shure sm7b [TS]

  it's happened [TS]

  so many times it happened 15 times and [TS]

  so I go into the student I'm like you [TS]

  know what is it step typically I just [TS]

  using sm7 into an 1176 with all the [TS]

  buttons pushed in and the engineer the [TS]

  producers like well how sure but you [TS]

  haven't tried my amazing sure no pun [TS]

  intended you haven't tried my amazing [TS]

  you know $80,000 microphone that i got [TS]

  from the east german government and we [TS]

  plug it in and we test it and then we [TS]

  end up back at the sm7 that's strange [TS]

  so it's a microphone that is I guess [TS]

  made for me and I so I have come to [TS]

  think of it as the only good microphone [TS]

  it's helped a lot of people no question [TS]

  yeah but uh but other people you know [TS]

  and the thing is when i'm recording [TS]

  other singers the sm7 into an 1176 [TS]

  doesn't work necessarily for them they [TS]

  that they sound amazing on these [TS]

  beautiful microphones [TS]

  I think it's so strange how the [TS]

  different setups can make such a [TS]

  difference is all the famous I guess [TS]

  examples with guitars but like I'm [TS]

  always amazed like i used to play a [TS]

  Telecaster and I was aware of the [TS]

  limitations and very specific sound of a [TS]

  telecaster i'm amazed people with fairly [TS]

  stock telecasters can get so many [TS]

  different sounds I don't just sound like [TS]

  Don rich or something they they can make [TS]

  your Alex chillin or whatever they can [TS]

  really make it sound so different and i [TS]

  never found that easy to do the [TS]

  Telecaster is one of those rare events [TS]

  in human history where the guy that [TS]

  invented the thing got it perfectly [TS]

  right the first try right the Telecaster [TS]

  is the first essentially the first [TS]

  electric guitar for the songs models may [TS]

  be portable you can take off the neck [TS]

  and put in your trunk wasn't the [TS]

  original value proposition [TS]

  yeah it's just a slab of wood and and [TS]

  you could unscrew the neck and and yet [TS]

  it is still as valid a guitar and I mean [TS]

  there have been seven thousand different [TS]

  kinds of guitar since then or maybe [TS]

  seventy thousand but the Telecaster is [TS]

  still like just as valid guitar as any [TS]

  other and in in a lot of ways better you [TS]

  know more indestructible more versatile [TS]

  it's astonishing if you can think of you [TS]

  can think of any other technology where [TS]

  the first one the first iteration of the [TS]

  thing continues to be the industry [TS]

  standard throughout the whole life of [TS]

  the of the thing i mean i guess like [TS]

  stratovarius yeah i mean the [TS]

  conventional wisdom at least with the [TS]

  computer maths is that it takes two or [TS]

  three tries to get something to be the [TS]

  version that we really remember like [TS]

  right we love the first iphone because [TS]

  it was amazing but it's not [TS]

  boy if you look at it compared to you [TS]

  know an iphone4 it's it's such an [TS]

  evolution forward that I get what you're [TS]

  saying that's pretty crazy that at that [TS]

  time you could have something with that [TS]

  many revolutions and knowing what we [TS]

  know about what made that sound good you [TS]

  still can't make it sound that much [TS]

  better [TS]

  yeah it's already crazy I guess I mean [TS]

  there are probably a couple of nerds [TS]

  listening who are like what about the [TS]

  rickenbacker frying pan guitar and what [TS]

  about that you know and there were [TS]

  hollow body electric with microphones [TS]

  glued to the outside of them or whatever [TS]

  I mean there were prior right whatever [TS]

  that means and how many but what you're [TS]

  saying though is how many things that [TS]

  were made 60 years ago [TS]

  can you take and plug into a standard [TS]

  interface for its market today and have [TS]

  it still sound better than a lot of the [TS]

  stuff that's made today [TS]

  that's not astonishing yeah it's [TS]

  incredible to think that they think that [TS]

  they didn't make that telecaster to be [TS]

  they didn't make it to be premium it was [TS]

  just a pic took a bandsaw to a piece of [TS]

  wood and they I mean but not just it's [TS]

  not just the usefulness of event think [TS]

  of the shape of the Telecaster who I [TS]

  mean you look at it and it's still a [TS]

  beautiful thing like it is still a [TS]

  gorgeous [TS]

  they just leo fender just drew a shape [TS]

  was like how well will you want to reach [TS]

  up high on the neck so I guess we'll [TS]

  like cut it out on that side and then [TS]

  it's ok you can come here and pick up [TS]

  there it's gotten pretty in my mind [TS]

  because I've seen lots of my favorite [TS]

  guitar players using it but it's not [TS]

  just on it's not like looking like a [TS]

  gradual something we go that's like a [TS]

  work of art right but in fact it is the [TS]

  ultimate gorgeous [TS]

  I mean I the Telecaster was the first [TS]

  guitar I coveted [TS]

  really because the pete townsend know [TS]

  because of Chrissie Hynde oh I saw those [TS]

  original Chrissie Hynde music videos for [TS]

  the for that first pretenders record and [TS]

  that was right upright one you know you [TS]

  can see the clash playing them too and [TS]

  was just like what is that incredible [TS]

  cool guitar Chrissie Hynde players and I [TS]

  wanted one immediately [TS]

  um and I went down to the guitar store [TS]

  and they were like yeah it's nine [TS]

  hundred dollars ranks like nine hundred [TS]

  dollars you can buy a goodbye dodge dart [TS]

  for that I don't even know what a dodge [TS]

  dart was but I need a new you can get [TS]

  another classic car I saw swinger I saw [TS]

  dodge dart swinger you remember the [TS]

  swinger and I think the lady version of [TS]

  the dart had little daisy for the night [TS]

  you hold your tongue sir i love you know [TS]

  i love the swinger was a sporty little [TS]

  car where was not a lady car want to put [TS]

  a daisy on it there was you could I mean [TS]

  I think you might have seen somebody who [TS]

  put one of those bathtub daisies [TS]

  probably cuz it's the inner sound y'all [TS]

  let's stick with a sticker on the side i [TS]

  don't think the swinger necessarily all [TS]

  came with I think he had swing my friend [TS]

  Sam got one and he in and we're in high [TS]

  school so at that point it was 20 years [TS]

  old [TS]

  mm and you know it was one of those [TS]

  things it was a little bit like having [TS]

  like my VW bus were like you could [TS]

  definitely kill it but then you could [TS]

  also resuscitate it with almost alarming [TS]

  ease first plant six the greatest motor [TS]

  ever made that right slant 6 i'm telling [TS]

  you if they still made this land six [TS]

  with uh we wouldn't have all these [TS]

  problems can get it all be different [TS]

  that we would have only from with the [TS]

  youth of America if that if we just said [TS]

  we're making that the Dodge slant six [TS]

  motor co I remember my mom had a long [TS]

  time long time had a pontiac catalina [TS]

  and just remember every time you open up [TS]

  the hood and it looked like many of the [TS]

  parts have been removed [TS]

  there was like so much space like you [TS]

  open up our rvw that we've got now which [TS]

  is you know a new car you open it up you [TS]

  look inside and it's what I imagine like [TS]

  an iphone looks like there's no [TS]

  tolerances for anything anywhere it's [TS]

  all or nothing serviceable know it's [TS]

  just it's just covered with a giant [TS]

  plastic carapace it just looks like a [TS]

  like a robot cockroach made it home [TS]

  inside of a magic book but that's really [TS]

  unpleasant it's terrible and that's what [TS]

  those cars sound like to have a slant [TS]

  six you know if there was room in there [TS]

  to spread out a picnic blanket inside [TS]

  the engine compartment you know and you [TS]

  could you could work on it with it with [TS]

  the with the with the standard set of [TS]

  tools he didn't need a special of what [TS]

  was called the the cloverleaf French [TS]

  what's called what is it i'll need to [TS]

  change a tire [TS]

  oh right the star startled all I think [TS]

  that's a killer band name star bolt [TS]

  starboard is a phantom be good w [TS]

  shoegaze band star bolt to take it you [TS]

  got the music done i love the star bolt [TS]

  it gets gets very evocative of a lot of [TS]

  things star bolt it is and if you put [TS]

  addy in it and spelled like humboldt [TS]

  tolerable attachment s dar es garbled [TS]

  horrible ass ' dar abouts carbon county [TS]

  oh now it's a jam band then it got [TS]

  terrible people [TS]

  boot up this episode of rotting on the [TS]

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  Squarespace is the easiest way that I [TS]

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  podcast that is what you're doing right [TS]

  now you're listening to Roderick online [TS]

  which is hosted on Squarespace is the [TS]

  only way we can never consider doing it [TS]

  doing it for three years and it is [TS]

  absolutely the best he just upload an [TS]

  audio file attached it to a new post and [TS]

  boom you are doing your own big-time [TS]

  podcasting it is literally literally [TS]

  that simple [TS]

  I've been at the stuff for almost a [TS]

  decade now believe it or not I honestly [TS]

  can't imagine an easier way to do it [TS]

  beauty part is Squarespace plans start [TS]

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  we could not do it without you have car [TS]

  trouble today is anything you can talk [TS]

  about I had some car trouble i'm [TS]

  probably recovered so quickly i would [TS]

  still be crying on the side of the road [TS]

  trying to find my phone to work [TS]

  yeah I couldn't get the car to start it [TS]

  was the battery was dead but more [TS]

  importantly I'm very worried about my [TS]

  next-door neighbor across the street [TS]

  neighbor did the karaoke errs no no the [TS]

  little of the lady with the fan the lady [TS]

  with the bano dear I'm very worried [TS]

  about four days ago five days ago all of [TS]

  a sudden a bunch of people started being [TS]

  around that house coming and going at [TS]

  all hours people pilot out of the house [TS]

  and getting in her car and driving away [TS]

  five people in her car and then an hour [TS]

  later coming back parking the car on the [TS]

  on the grass this and then there was [TS]

  some kind of what I hesitate to call a [TS]

  party but definitely was an unsuccessful [TS]

  Markie well definitely like a Saturday [TS]

  night where there were a bunch of [TS]

  sketchy people going in and out of the [TS]

  house and it was probably a party to [TS]

  them but to me it looked like a bad [TS]

  scene [TS]

  you know what I mean unless you million [TS]

  evidence any of this time I have not [TS]

  seen her in a week now but the thing is [TS]

  that she often would go I would go a [TS]

  week or two without seeing her because [TS]

  she's well you know a little disabled [TS]

  like she walks with a cane she's pretty [TS]

  slow her boyfriend / fiancĂ© the guy [TS]

  with the giant neck tattoo of a mosquito [TS]

  with its mosquito proboscis buried in [TS]

  his neck vein like a giant i'm at a [TS]

  giant it's the size of Uncle received [TS]

  from customers to get the size of a [TS]

  Folgers coffee can [TS]

  tattooed on his neck giant mosquito and [TS]

  this is that this is the mosquito there [TS]

  this is the tattoo that he chose to get [TS]

  on his neck called Skeeter well you know [TS]

  what that I should start calling him [TS]

  Skeeter he has a long white beard that [TS]

  he has put rubber bands in Allah gotta [TS]

  practice [TS]

  yeah yeah he looks exactly like captain [TS]

  lou albano actually and he he's got like [TS]

  he's got one of those alcoholic [TS]

  cigarette voices that's just like i did [TS]

  that and that is not good [TS]

  yeah so he's out there kind of running [TS]

  the show in and out some real cranky [TS]

  people there's a guy that looks like [TS]

  Wilt Chamberlain if Wilt Chamberlain was [TS]

  a mega stoner and was completely bald on [TS]

  top except had a kind of a fringe pretty [TS]

  pretty pretty fluffy fringe around his [TS]

  ears always wears a headband increasing [TS]

  and he's six foot ten but then a bunch [TS]

  of other like new skechers and they're [TS]

  coming and going in and out of the house [TS]

  late at night kind of trying to keep [TS]

  quiet except for this one gal that [TS]

  obviously like is the this younger gal [TS]

  probably 40 year old gal that's like [TS]

  kind of queen of the scene so she feels [TS]

  like she can talk at any volume at any [TS]

  time and everybody's going to approve of [TS]

  it [TS]

  uh-huh and so I'm I'm I'm surveying this [TS]

  these goings-on and there's a lot of [TS]

  whispered conversations in the driveway [TS]

  and then somebody you know like does a [TS]

  fast walk back into the house and [TS]

  somebody else does a fast walk up the [TS]

  street and I'm like what's going on over [TS]

  there I don't like it I don't like it [TS]

  but there's enough there's an there are [TS]

  enough problems one I routinely don't [TS]

  see my neighbor for weeks at a time so i [TS]

  can't really say like well one day I [TS]

  stopped seeing her and all these people [TS]

  showed up so i had to call the community [TS]

  service patrol and the second thing is [TS]

  like there's enough sort of class and [TS]

  cultural difference between me and them [TS]

  that I am bridge I'm routinely looking [TS]

  out the window going [TS]

  those are scumbags I know scumbags and [TS]

  yet maybe i'm being classist right now [TS]

  maybe they aren't scumbags maybe they [TS]

  are just people just good folk working [TS]

  for cooler struggling to make ends meet [TS]

  and then the other voice in my head is [TS]

  like working folk don't walk like [TS]

  crackheads the crackhead walk is a very [TS]

  distinctive cockroach Ewok but then I'm [TS]

  like you know I'm second-guessing it the [TS]

  whole time because I'm like what you [TS]

  know what if I called somebody and said [TS]

  I'm worried about my across-the-street [TS]

  neighbor and they said well what makes [TS]

  you worry about them and I was like well [TS]

  a bunch of skechers going in and out of [TS]

  her house and I haven't seen her in a [TS]

  week and they're just kind of like and [TS]

  they're like well are they are they like [TS]

  setting the house on fire they do they [TS]

  appear to be stealing her stereo and [TS]

  it's like mm not exactly i mean people [TS]

  are moving things in and out of the [TS]

  house but it's not a clearly didn't [TS]

  there's no moving van pulled up and [TS]

  filled up that so well anyway I said [TS]

  it's happening in slow motion like that [TS]

  I I know exactly what you mean we're [TS]

  like I over the years I for any number [TS]

  of reasons I've got much less [TS]

  trigger-happy about saying oh that's [TS]

  called the cops because I'm realizing as [TS]

  i get older and see more stuff how [TS]

  complicated that decision can be in the [TS]

  moment and over the years after that you [TS]

  know that suddenly you're the guy who [TS]

  called the cops on people like you do [TS]

  you want to be that guy and this is a [TS]

  good reason but so on the one hand it [TS]

  could be she's like not well she's [TS]

  particularly not well she's bedridden [TS]

  and a bunch of sketchy people are [TS]

  helping out but you don't you're worried [TS]

  about like an elder abuse type situation [TS]

  where maybe she's sitting there with [TS]

  sores or something [TS]

  well or just I mean there are a lot of [TS]

  things going through my head and and and [TS]

  the other voice in my head is like well [TS]

  what what if she is in trouble and [TS]

  you've been sitting watching this go on [TS]

  for four days like she doesn't have [TS]

  anybody to count on calling and alerting [TS]

  the authorities except you you're the [TS]

  only person with eyes on this nobody [TS]

  else in the neighborhood pays attention [TS]

  to anything that [TS]

  going on and you know what what are my [TS]

  responsibilities to her and what's the [TS]

  worst thing if you think they call it [TS]

  yeah he's gotten these the welfare call [TS]

  like uh what's the worst thing that [TS]

  happened you think you go you going to [TS]

  say how i am using a voice modulator now [TS]

  maybe not do that but you would say you [TS]

  haven't seen my neighbor for a few weeks [TS]

  you might want to drive by and check it [TS]

  out [TS]

  yeah right i feel so anyway so last [TS]

  night uh a lot of a bunch more like and [TS]

  the thing is interrelated like they all [TS]

  come running out jump in the car and [TS]

  drive somewhere so yesterday there's [TS]

  they're standing in the driveway and [TS]

  that and the guy with the mask and [TS]

  Skeeter is saying like we got ripped off [TS]

  man we got ripped up we really got [TS]

  ripped off this time and I was like okay [TS]

  all right now I'm getting to the bottom [TS]

  listening to this through my head and [TS]

  multi-level marketing [TS]

  ya know now i'm getting to the bottom of [TS]

  this and he's and then he starts [TS]

  whispering and he's like you know they [TS]

  got all my weed and I'm like oh that's [TS]

  not a reason to call the cops that they [TS]

  stole his weed but who I mean it's like [TS]

  people coming in and out of the house [TS]

  stole his stuff but the the other drunk [TS]

  guy that lives in the van in the front [TS]

  yard is nowhere to be seen and he's [TS]

  normally my biggest problem it's the [TS]

  skeeters not the guy in the van Skeeter [TS]

  lives in the house [TS]

  no the dude in the van is totally [TS]

  different guy huh [TS]

  and the dude in the van is like and i [TS]

  would expect him to be out doing his [TS]

  usual act which is like fucking police [TS]

  took my kids need me here and in the [TS]

  middle of the road right isn't he yeah [TS]

  yeah here at the mill road but he's gone [TS]

  I don't see him at all his van still [TS]

  there anyway so last night I'm driving [TS]

  by I look in the in the driveway of the [TS]

  house and there is a display unit of [TS]

  fascia for Windows Phones fascia for you [TS]

  know like like cases different cases for [TS]

  android phones i guess and it's [TS]

  obviously a store display that someone [TS]

  has boosted what like somebody stole [TS]

  like windows phone cases [TS]

  one stole a display of like 25 different [TS]

  colored windows phone cases perhaps [TS]

  thinking that they were phones no and [TS]

  that got them to the house realized they [TS]

  weren't phones and just dropped it in [TS]

  the driveway so I'm like okay that's not [TS]

  that cool and then this morning I wake [TS]

  up and there is a landscaping truck with [TS]

  a wood chipper [TS]

  oh no that drives up in front of the [TS]

  house [TS]

  there are now three cars parked in the [TS]

  grass and in a you know just in a way [TS]

  that I can't quite see through the hedge [TS]

  something goes in the wood chipper [TS]

  they spend a minute [TS]

  grinding something up and then the wood [TS]

  chipper truck drives away it's like some [TS]

  kind of like emergency shredding service [TS]

  448 handful an armful of items now where [TS]

  I mean it but the thing is it's a it's a [TS]

  proper landscaping truck it's not like [TS]

  it you wouldn't have thrown up like an [TS]

  old computer printer in there it was it [TS]

  was it was a landscaping truck now I in [TS]

  my whole life I have never seen one of [TS]

  those pull up somewhere shred one thing [TS]

  for one minute [TS]

  no and then drive away for a million [TS]

  reasons I mean usually took a tree or a [TS]

  bunch of bushes something if you it's to [TS]

  call that thing out you have 21 enough [TS]

  stuff to get shredded that needs to be [TS]

  shredded it's got to be something that [TS]

  can be standing there supervising it's [TS]

  not like you're throwing a dachshund or [TS]

  something he's gonna you know he wants [TS]

  to know there's something responsible [TS]

  that you're throwing in there and he [TS]

  drives away right away that sent [TS]

  overnight at this point i'm looking [TS]

  through them the hedges like a total you [TS]

  know like a super paper and you know I [TS]

  feel like mr. Furley and mrs. Kravitz [TS]

  mrs. Kravitz what are you doing in then [TS]

  and the truck truck drives away and then [TS]

  you know again all the cars scatter in [TS]

  every direction and I'm like okay what [TS]

  if my neighbor because I had already [TS]

  been thinking like what if she died [TS]

  and she's and there and there's enough [TS]

  shit in that house and enough like weird [TS]

  stuff to figure out that she died and [TS]

  her fiance is gradually stripping all [TS]

  the copper pipes out of this place and [TS]

  not calling no you're not calling it in [TS]

  yet [TS]

  right there in that there in that kind [TS]

  of that by period where they can keep [TS]

  people from knowing that she's gone [TS]

  you still got a place to live and took [TS]

  up copper pipe to repurpose right but [TS]

  watching them there is a kind of calm a [TS]

  sort of unperturbed bubble column to [TS]

  them that maybe is because they're [TS]

  crackheads and so they have a constant [TS]

  level of tents anxiety but it never [TS]

  fully never flares but that's not true [TS]

  crackheads crackheads get go bonkers [TS]

  when things are even a little bit out of [TS]

  whack [TS]

  so and i'm trying to think like it's [TS]

  been 45 days it's been pretty hot days [TS]

  in fact if somebody was dead in there it [TS]

  would be intolerable to live there [TS]

  maybe she I mean but if she went to [TS]

  visit a relative she would have taken [TS]

  her car [TS]

  I mean I honestly and then the problem [TS]

  is I'm a I'm enough of a busybody and [TS]

  I'm a total top collar I call the cops [TS]

  all the time but I don't know what my I [TS]

  don't know what case i can make and the [TS]

  end i am anna and there's a part of me [TS]

  that is inhibited by a feeling that a [TS]

  lot of the things I'm seeing that I'm [TS]

  making judgments about fall into this [TS]

  category of like well is that a [TS]

  legitimate judgment you're making or are [TS]

  you making some kind of weird are you [TS]

  are you not a member of the culture and [TS]

  so you are like casting aspersions yeah [TS]

  oh I I think about that all the time now [TS]

  and then when I was a kid i'm back to [TS]

  guitars number one afternoon our [TS]

  neighbor who was a semi-professional it [TS]

  sparked player was like cool enough to [TS]

  let you know couple teenagers hang out [TS]

  with him and he would show us Jimi [TS]

  Hendrix licks and stuff and you [TS]

  when he let me borrow his tube screamer [TS]

  pedal and in the time it took me to walk [TS]

  from his yard to my yard we had a Jason [TS]

  yards pretty much almost by the time I [TS]

  walked into the house my mom called me [TS]

  from the office because our nosy [TS]

  next-door neighbor said that I was [TS]

  bringing beer into the house so you know [TS]

  the thing is you know you know how it is [TS]

  to be a busy but you've been Gladys [TS]

  Kravitz you're waiting for any reason to [TS]

  call and she was waiting for some some [TS]

  reason she had nothing better to do and [TS]

  so she called called me and called my [TS]

  mom because I had a guitar effect in my [TS]

  hand right so you don't want to be that [TS]

  guy you don't have anything you know [TS]

  funny that you would mention Jimi [TS]

  Hendrix because a big part of the [TS]

  culture of a of my neighbor she's a [TS]

  black woman in her sixties her husband [TS]

  was about 15 years older than she was or [TS]

  10 years older and he was a Seattle [TS]

  musician who had played with jimi [TS]

  hendrix and one of the calling cards of [TS]

  all of these a Seattle african-american [TS]

  dudes in their sixties if they have if [TS]

  any of if you are a guy in his sixties [TS]

  who's lived in seattle his whole life [TS]

  and you ever smoked pod you have a story [TS]

  about how you used to hang out with Jimi [TS]

  Hendrix right so every one of these guys [TS]

  the Wilt Chamberlain guy totally as [TS]

  bored me to tears with his stall his [TS]

  stories about how he and Jimmy were [TS]

  seven you know because themes and Jimi [TS]

  Hendrix famous famously introverted guy [TS]

  who just sat in his house and play [TS]

  guitar alone a lot but he knew every one [TS]

  of these guys they all knew his mom and [TS]

  they all you know it's like he didn't [TS]

  know his mom Jimi Hendrix was and was [TS]

  raised by his dad but every one of these [TS]

  guys got 25 stories so the thing is that [TS]

  in addition to like your normal sort of [TS]

  cracky weird vibe going on over there [TS]

  every once in a while a guy will walk in [TS]

  with a fedora with a giant fucking a [TS]

  feather sticking out of it or like not [TS]

  just a feather but like a like a peacock [TS]

  feather like a feather that's four feet [TS]

  tall and you know where and we'll call [TS]

  him mr. hat [TS]

  yeah and then a guy comes in in a [TS]

  scooter and a suit made of scarves [TS]

  and it's just like I don't know what I'm [TS]

  seeing [TS]

  it's hard to know how to filter all of [TS]

  that i'm a rock musician I've seen some [TS]

  crazy shit but this house is just like [TS]

  tonight so anyway and like Skeeter but I [TS]

  never thought the day would come but [TS]

  when i see skater it's a relief to me [TS]

  because at least he is a guy that I know [TS]

  is reliably up a broken-down unreliable [TS]

  alcoholic at least I know is I got his [TS]

  number right [TS]

  the rest of the the rest of the scene i [TS]

  got no I have no purchase on [TS]

  uh-huh and everybody's super friendly [TS]

  like you know even even the the guy that [TS]

  looks a like eazy-e when I come out into [TS]

  the street you know kind of like oh [TS]

  hello good morning taking the garbage [TS]

  out or whatever he wants to come over [TS]

  and chat and like everybody's really [TS]

  friendly so I don't feel like they have [TS]

  the body of my neighbor wrapped in a [TS]

  carpet somewhere but then the fucking [TS]

  wood chipper truck that's a curveball in [TS]

  if this if this were a young adult novel [TS]

  from from my use [TS]

  I think that the answer is clear [TS]

  obviously if you're grown ass man she's [TS]

  called police because it clearly [TS]

  something's not right here but I'm just [TS]

  saying I guess there's probably always [TS]

  maybe probably somebody inside but maybe [TS]

  you need to go and do some [TS]

  reconnaissance just just to get your own [TS]

  maybe you need to put your nose against [TS]

  the window and see what's really going [TS]

  on in there who see this is this is the [TS]

  thing that be over the last four years [TS]

  there have been a lot of people come in [TS]

  and out of the house and it's always [TS]

  turned out to be benign you know there [TS]

  was a guy there with a moving truck for [TS]

  a while and I was like this two years [TS]

  ago turned out it was her dead husband's [TS]

  long-lost cousin who found him in the [TS]

  phone book and came and stayed for a [TS]

  week and he was he was like a deeply [TS]

  charming guy from from Atlanta and I was [TS]

  like oh please don't go I want you to [TS]

  stay here you are you didn't get [TS]

  influenced he was a good guy but then he [TS]

  was like I live in Atlanta [TS]

  go home i actually said to him like [TS]

  please don't go it was like it's been [TS]

  this has been really great i love it up [TS]

  here you know it's a place I could see [TS]

  myself retiring to but I gotta go [TS]

  and so but like going around the back of [TS]

  that house or people on it that doesn't [TS]

  feel safe [TS]

  uh huh you know not to mention the fact [TS]

  that like like cranky guy who lives in [TS]

  the van I haven't seen him and he's the [TS]

  one that scared it's just a really [TS]

  immersive video game [TS]

  this guy here you know I mean you might [TS]

  spend everything might spend two weeks [TS]

  before you ever even go on to the [TS]

  property just figuring it out before you [TS]

  ever level up and we're gonna go and get [TS]

  past the guy in the van [TS]

  it's the Legend of Zelda Legend of skied [TS]

  I think the guy in the van like he's the [TS]

  type of alcoholic that he will have a [TS]

  long conversation with you and then the [TS]

  next day and not remember ever having [TS]

  met you and he hates he really hates the [TS]

  cops because they took his kids you [TS]

  could use that to your benefit if he's [TS]

  that forgetful maybe you could you could [TS]

  exert intimated the ICU don't make [TS]

  yourself a target but if you could let [TS]

  him know that like me maybe you have [TS]

  some things that you could help him out [TS]

  you know we get into that kind of [TS]

  serious alcoholic delirium he might he [TS]

  might really open up I'm directly across [TS]

  the street though so it's like you know [TS]

  i have i have one of those 3,000 [TS]

  candlepower spotlights that basically is [TS]

  a it's a spotlight from a battleship [TS]

  that could illuminate a whole theater of [TS]

  war and I keep it on reserve for those [TS]

  moments when I really want to light up [TS]

  the street [TS]

  because it's a little bit of a shock and [TS]

  awe yeah anyways if it sells get heavily [TS]

  weaponize light [TS]

  yeah it's just like boom and then [TS]

  everybody scatters or or but the problem [TS]

  with the like that is there's no [TS]

  question where it's coming from [TS]

  no no now how will you know when it's [TS]

  gone too far [TS]

  let me put it that way like you know if [TS]

  you're the obviously you know your [TS]

  thinker you think these things through [TS]

  when do you think you would know I mean [TS]

  apart from the obvious sort of people [TS]

  shooting guns in the air kind of thing [TS]

  when you think you would know that it [TS]

  was time to do something I've been [TS]

  waiting for there to be one of those [TS]

  like a situations where a bunch of [TS]

  people are coming out and loading up a [TS]

  car with things that seem like they [TS]

  belong in the house [TS]

  turntables you know furniture quilts [TS]

  quilts like somebody where where where [TS]

  it's clear that they are that they are [TS]

  dismantling the house right but i [TS]

  haven't quite seen that yet huh for a [TS]

  while the 30 or the woman in her forties [TS]

  that was kinda queen of the scene she [TS]

  sat on a on a plastic lawn chair in the [TS]

  front yard for like three hours one time [TS]

  between the hours of one and four in the [TS]

  morning in a way that felt like she was [TS]

  a she was like posted there like you go [TS]

  sit on the chair out front [TS]

  Wow and and watch watch the road and i'm [TS]

  not even i'm not even like really [TS]

  delving into the cars that are just [TS]

  driving up pulling up out front of the [TS]

  house stopping in front of the house [TS]

  idling 45 minutes [TS]

  no one gets in no one gets out why [TS]

  windows are tinted and in the car drives [TS]

  away again why I haven't even gotten [TS]

  into telling that part of the story [TS]

  it's very concerning I couldn't write [TS]

  something with this many traps treats [TS]

  with this many like faints [TS]

  yeah there's so much stuff here it [TS]

  sounds and you know there's probably one [TS]

  thing that just explains it all [TS]

  maybe it's a halfway house unlicensed [TS]

  halfway house where else [TS]

  it's definitely been an unlicensed [TS]

  halfway house for a long time but things [TS]

  are out of control now [TS]

  yeah you can you know sometimes you can [TS]

  feel like you can feel like when [TS]

  somebody's influences waning here's a [TS]

  funny thing when people get a little bit [TS]

  older and you start to get something [TS]

  like empty nest syndrome even if that's [TS]

  you know a deceased spouse we love [TS]

  having people around you know you want [TS]

  people you want to hear people around [TS]

  the house it's a great thing that I [TS]

  think is another thing you see this a [TS]

  lot in older women i think we're like [TS]

  you know I really like being left alone [TS]

  i like i like having I want to be secure [TS]

  whatever but like you know I kind of [TS]

  like the fact that I get to have my own [TS]

  space and do it the way that I want and [TS]

  so it sounds I mean is the stuff that's [TS]

  going on now something the kind of thing [TS]

  that she would welcome or enjoy three [TS]

  years ago [TS]

  mm no hard to tell you know she's a she [TS]

  was always a pretty respectable lady in [TS]

  the sense that she liked the whole [TS]

  reason that Skeeter came into the house [TS]

  was that she was uh that she [TS]

  characterized herself at one point to me [TS]

  as a drug and alcohol counselor and I [TS]

  was like really I don't know about that [TS]

  or or rather I took it in the same way [TS]

  that when somebody says to me that they [TS]

  are a sex educator serial entrepreneur [TS]

  you know you're right but any time [TS]

  somebody says that there are mental [TS]

  health professional professional dancer [TS]

  like me really are you really [TS]

  and she was like that you know i'm a [TS]

  sort of a drug and alcohol counselor I [TS]

  was like everybody who ever went to a [TS]

  12-step meetings mechanic says that [TS]

  about themselves but it doesn't make it [TS]

  true [TS]

  and so Skeeter was there ostensibly [TS]

  originally to get to eat em she was [TS]

  walking him through the but I mean he's [TS]

  out there right now just drinking sterno [TS]

  and sprayed hairspray into a plastic bag [TS]

  and like all kinds of that nobody sober [TS]

  Nelson job I really causing me some [TS]

  anxiety and then I got out there this [TS]

  morning my car wouldn't start and I was [TS]

  like okay what's that is somebody [TS]

  sleeping in my car and they're leaving [TS]

  the door cracked open so they can read a [TS]

  the in-flight magazine or like how did [TS]

  my car battery get run down and then I [TS]

  went and checked the trunk to see if the [TS]

  trunk was ajar because sometimes that [TS]

  will run your car battery down huh [TS]

  I realized that my guitar was in the [TS]

  trunk and had been in there for 10 days [TS]

  oh my god and I hadn't and I don't lock [TS]

  my car because if you lock your car they [TS]

  just come break your window pane for [TS]

  window so i leave my car unlocked well [TS]

  any number not in the town could have [TS]

  come by and pop the trunk and there was [TS]

  my guitar and I would have been I [TS]

  wouldn't have noticed it was missing [TS]

  until later on this week when I needed [TS]

  it and I would have been like where's my [TS]

  guitar I wonder and because i have three [TS]

  houses there's always that possibility [TS]

  that it somewhere else right [TS]

  that's a harrowing feeling I'm like that [TS]

  with my backpack and my backpack really [TS]

  feels like my own port brain you know [TS]

  it's got all the stuff in it that it's [TS]

  not just immediately on my body and when [TS]

  i leave it somewhere I'm it's it's like [TS]

  leaving my kid I feel I want to get it [TS]

  back i feel better but not that much [TS]

  better [TS]

  you know what I mean where you're like [TS]

  cuz you're still vulnerable yeah i mean [TS]

  like it's the stupid still with me you [TS]

  know so it was in your backpack computer [TS]

  well as various times your computer [TS]

  could be an ipad it could just be like [TS]

  you know everything that I i like to [TS]

  keep a pretty light wallet and so i will [TS]

  outboard some of that as we say in to [TS]

  the backpack but I'm pretty dog about it [TS]

  i mean i've i've really it'sit's I think [TS]

  like the way a lot of people will be [TS]

  with a person like I just don't forget [TS]

  that but was it to you because you think [TS]

  is your accessory light inside you think [TS]

  it's me it's me fired let's get scared [TS]

  through the pickup but it's been an [TS]

  eventful week [TS]

  yeah yeah and and at I could have I [TS]

  don't know I don't know what I didn't [TS]

  have the headlights on [TS]

  I don't know how I ran down the battery [TS]

  but it but it but it causes me great [TS]

  concern nicely so much more confident [TS]

  about everything I used to really [TS]

  falsely I used to really feel like I [TS]

  understand [TS]

  a lot more than I do today and it gets [TS]

  worse like every week i have more self [TS]

  doubt about all the angles i'm probably [TS]

  getting wrong about something and [TS]

  sometimes it not sick cripples me but [TS]

  like in a case like that i mean if you [TS]

  were 10 years younger with you hesitate [TS]

  for a minute like you just did Beauty [TS]

  their do-it-yourself for you like call [TS]

  the police right yeah I feel like 10 [TS]

  years ago with it and that's the problem [TS]

  i think what a major problem with [TS]

  getting older is that I feel like the [TS]

  same person and yet i'm not responding [TS]

  to things the same way and I wonder if I [TS]

  am the same person i remember a kid said [TS]

  to me a guy I'd known in high school [TS]

  when I was 24 or something [TS]

  he came through town and stay with me [TS]

  for a week and he said you know you're a [TS]

  funny guy but you're not nearly as funny [TS]

  as you were in high school [TS]

  oh and I was like well that's shitty [TS]

  thing to say and he was like no I mean [TS]

  in high school like you were hilarious [TS]

  but you were also cruel like you're a [TS]

  lot better now because you were funny [TS]

  but you were you were terrible and now [TS]

  you're not terrible [TS]

  not so terrible and from within [TS]

  I had I mean I could kind of understand [TS]

  what he was saying because there there [TS]

  there was a moment where I made somebody [TS]

  cry and I felt bad about it [TS]

  I told you the story when i was running [TS]

  for freshman class president in college [TS]

  and we were all in the lunchroom and and [TS]

  the principal or whatever the dean of [TS]

  the college I guess there's not a [TS]

  principal of the college dean of the [TS]

  college was announcing the results and [TS]

  and he announced that my opponent had [TS]

  won the freshman class president and I [TS]

  saw guide that I knew and a guy I'd [TS]

  known from Anchorage who coincidentally [TS]

  went to my college I saw him make about [TS]

  the like pumped fist hand motion of like [TS]

  yes [TS]

  and I knew that it that it was not that [TS]

  he was so excited for the other person [TS]

  to win he was just excited that I lost [TS]

  for X right right and I was like I I was [TS]

  a little devastated by that this was a [TS]

  guy who I mean we weren't friends but [TS]

  we've gone to high school together [TS]

  there should have been at least enough [TS]

  loyalty just from that to carry us to [TS]

  carry it through that he wouldn't wish [TS]

  it upon me [TS]

  that's way worse than winning the other [TS]

  guy to win you have to want you to lose [TS]

  ya and and I realized in that moment and [TS]

  kind of you know like that that was one [TS]

  of a series of moments where I was like [TS]

  oh maybe I am maybe there are people who [TS]

  genuinely don't like me because I am I [TS]

  mean or bad but within my mind I still [TS]

  feel like the same person and now I'm in [TS]

  my forties I can't trust anything I [TS]

  think right now I'm gonna trust you more [TS]

  than I trust you to tell me [TS]

  well you shouldn't you know I there's [TS]

  this weird uh I don't know rubicon [TS]

  between like all the stuff I used to [TS]

  think I know really well and it's either [TS]

  side over here where it's me like you [TS]

  know swatching toward responsibility [TS]

  even though i'm not really that good at [TS]

  the responsibility stuff so when there's [TS]

  something like you know loud music [TS]

  that's keeping my kid with a cold awake [TS]

  even I'll sit on that because i'm not [TS]

  sure exactly how to handle that because [TS]

  there's the 20-year old version of me [TS]

  who doesn't want to be a dick and tell [TS]

  somebody to turn down the music and the [TS]

  other version because man if you're a [TS]

  real dad you would just walk over there [TS]

  treat that other treat that kid like a [TS]

  kid that you respect and say hey to [TS]

  favor could you turn it down my kids but [TS]

  I still debate that I'll sit there and [TS]

  and mold that over for a couple hours [TS]

  and then so what I do might want to call [TS]

  the police and have them be might be my [TS]

  dad for me like I i don't know i think [TS]

  what I knew less i had more confidence I [TS]

  was less than you probably less [TS]

  effective but it felt more effective [TS]

  like I felt more like I was getting [TS]

  stuff done [TS]

  like I was getting stupid stuff done but [TS]

  I really thought I knew what I was doing [TS]

  I feel like we're not representing [TS]

  megalomaniacs very well right now we [TS]

  used to be better and I think we need to [TS]

  really need to step back [TS]

  well I'm a I'm a little embarrassed no [TS]

  that's not true i'm a lot embarrassed [TS]

  that I have sort somewhat been [TS]

  concealing the fact that i got into a [TS]

  fist fight the other day what I'll John [TS]

  you haven't done that in a while have [TS]

  you know it's been a long time no matter [TS]

  how it was at bumbershoot my god and [TS]

  there were a couple of drunks drunk 25 [TS]

  year-olds who were i was waiting in line [TS]

  in the drinking fountain and this you [TS]

  know drunk kid with like shark eyes his [TS]

  lean in next to the drinking fountain [TS]

  and he's just kind of eyeball and [TS]

  everybody there's a line of people [TS]

  looking at the drinking fountain [TS]

  he's just we even and staring and he's [TS]

  making everybody uncomfortable couch and [TS]

  I'm talking to a friend and somebody [TS]

  asks me if I'm way there's two drinking [TS]

  fountains a short one at all one and [TS]

  somebody asked me if I'm the short one [TS]

  is is available in and they asked me if [TS]

  I'm gonna go on the short one I was like [TS]

  no i'm waiting for the stand up tall one [TS]

  and this guy leaned up against all goes [TS]

  just say something sexist to my [TS]

  girlfriend and I was like what and it [TS]

  was hilarious [TS]

  it was a hilarious a provocation right [TS]

  he's not saying did you look at my [TS]

  girlfriend he's saying did you say [TS]

  something sexist to my girlfriend like [TS]

  it's a total millennial a thought [TS]

  process right it's a millennial bully [TS]

  he's a millennial bully like he has [TS]

  figured it out [TS]

  he's still a bully asshole but he's been [TS]

  raised in this culture where where you [TS]

  have to couch you're bullying in this [TS]

  first thought process of like I just [TS]

  defended her Kizzy said something sexy [TS]

  hit my head is spinning John that is so [TS]

  many levels this yes well now he's got a [TS]

  really righteous reason if not it's not [TS]

  his Fedora wearing male ego he's a he's [TS]

  worried [TS]

  that's right and the band the thing is [TS]

  that in any other time in history [TS]

  God his righteous reason would have been [TS]

  that he was defending her because you [TS]

  were trying you were like a coming on [TS]

  here yeah you and you're disrespecting [TS]

  his male Authority yeah you were [TS]

  disrespecting his property but now he's [TS]

  a social justice warrior and he's [TS]

  defending her because you said something [TS]

  sexist to her and i was like I didn't [TS]

  say anything to her or you [TS]

  he's like she says something sexist [TS]

  tonight girlfriend hunch and you know it [TS]

  likes gets up off the wall squares and [TS]

  shoulders up and I'm and I'm standing [TS]

  there in a suit and I was like there are [TS]

  25 25 different strategies at my [TS]

  disposal to defuse this situation and [TS]

  I'm choosing to use none of them well [TS]

  and I was like you know what kid you too [TS]

  drunk to be in public your hospital [TS]

  you're gross and you need to get out of [TS]

  here [TS]

  this is a music festival people are [TS]

  having a good time and your piece of [TS]

  shit you need to go home and he was like [TS]

  whoa you're booked in to talk to me [TS]

  about little bit do you go home and you [TS]

  know any steps to me and I'm like [TS]

  seriously you're drunk you too drunk to [TS]

  be out and you need to either go sit on [TS]

  a bench until you sober up [TS]

  we need to go home because you're a pain [TS]

  in the ass inside know you some kind of [TS]

  fucking fuck you man fucking 40-year old [TS]

  and I was like I am 40 years old and I'm [TS]

  telling you need to go home and his [TS]

  friend is there and his friend jumps in [TS]

  and is like he's just drunk man he's [TS]

  just drunk and I was like yeah he's [TS]

  drunk you're drunk you're too drunk go [TS]

  home and then the girlfriend is like huh [TS]

  stop it Steve town and I'm like all you [TS]

  need to get out of here and he's you [TS]

  know then he and then his friend is like [TS]

  whoa who the fuck are you why don't you [TS]

  get out here and then it's like two of [TS]

  them right that the drunk guy and then [TS]

  his drunk friend that was [TS]

  trying to be the Peacekeeper and then at [TS]

  a certain point the guys like you know [TS]

  what fuck it man shake my hand shake my [TS]

  god and I was like I'm not gonna shake [TS]

  your hand did I got nothing to shake [TS]

  your hand about you need to go home [TS]

  that's all I'm telling you and then it's [TS]

  like well he wouldn't i wouldn't shake [TS]

  their hand right so then it's like you [TS]

  fucking bitch man you a bitch you won't [TS]

  shake my hand I'm like I'm a bitch i'm a [TS]

  fourteen-year-old bit telling you to get [TS]

  the and that now there's a crowd of [TS]

  people like 40 real bitch I'm telling [TS]

  you to go home [TS]

  ma out of here go sit down on the grass [TS]

  but don't stand here by the freaking [TS]

  drinking fountain picking fights with [TS]

  people and then he pushes me cause set [TS]

  pushes me while calling me a bitch in [TS]

  such a way that he kind of like spittle [TS]

  lickspittle bitch like bitch which me [TS]

  and I fucking punched him right in the [TS]

  face and then I punched him again in the [TS]

  face and then I put took him down to the [TS]

  floor and then his friend punched me and [TS]

  then I yeah I don't know I don't [TS]

  remember uh but in the end it was so [TS]

  then I was embarrassed that are you [TS]

  wearing a suit from where you're 40 year [TS]

  old bitch in a suit [TS]

  I'm a four-year-old home-owning bitch [TS]

  sooo John and um and then I'm standing [TS]

  there and this kid is a mess and his [TS]

  friend is like running and I popped a [TS]

  button off my suit [TS]

  and I'm embarrassed I'm like what the [TS]

  fuck how did this happen how am i [TS]

  standing here now in a huge crowd of [TS]

  people and so I go so I turned around to [TS]

  go and I'm just like I need to go splash [TS]

  some water on my face I go into the [TS]

  bathroom I look down at my finger is all [TS]

  fucked up on now and I'm like not only [TS]

  did I get into a fistfight but now i'm [TS]

  fucked up my finger i do not even any [TS]

  more have the karate skills to not hurt [TS]

  myself it on this guy's head so I'm in [TS]

  the bathroom and I'm like this is bad [TS]

  this is bad this is embarrassing [TS]

  I'm full-grown man there were a lot of [TS]

  ways I could have dealt with that so I [TS]

  sit in the bathroom for a little while [TS]

  and I'm like I don't even want to come [TS]

  out of the bathroom i'm so fucking [TS]

  embarrassed but eventually come out of [TS]

  the bathroom and my friend is waiting [TS]

  there and he says we should leave by the [TS]

  back stairs and I say why and he says [TS]

  para bunch of cops and paramedics around [TS]

  the corner and there's a there's like [TS]

  blood all over so it was pretty bad [TS]

  it was I mean I was mad yeah well I mean [TS]

  I i do I wasn't there but and I don't [TS]

  have the skills but you were I think in [TS]

  a pretty defensive position I don't you [TS]

  know you got what you had to do I can I [TS]

  mean what you know the thing is that [TS]

  that 99% of people i think would have [TS]

  said that the actual thing to do in our [TS]

  contemporary society would have been to [TS]

  say hey guy [TS]

  I didn't say anything to your girlfriend [TS]

  it's cool or you know like you're right [TS]

  to defend her up against people saying [TS]

  sexist things to her or that weren't [TS]

  actually set or the one then no one was [TS]

  talking to you or you know or just like [TS]

  avert your eyes and not say anything and [TS]

  wait for him to take on the next person [TS]

  that he encounters or let him sit by the [TS]

  drinking fountain for 45 minutes and [TS]

  scare everybody in the building [TS]

  or whatever go get in a car or you know [TS]

  whatever his plan was but in any case so [TS]

  we we go out via the back stairs and my [TS]

  friend says listen I don't want to [TS]

  glorify that at all but the best moment [TS]

  of it was two guys walking through you [TS]

  know kind of skirting the devastation [TS]

  and one of them says what the hell [TS]

  happened to those two guys and the other [TS]

  one goes i heard they got their asses [TS]

  kicked by a forty-year-old that's awful [TS]

  that's terrible it's terrible and so [TS]

  then I had always seen you you've lost [TS]

  weight you look at that he got hair you [TS]

  cut your hair in a sensible way your [TS]

  biggest rim you look kind of like Tom [TS]

  Wolfe and your fucking 40-year old [TS]

  business yeah but then I'm like I'm like [TS]

  I'm you know I i lost a button off my [TS]

  suit my friend is like they're mopping [TS]

  his blood off the glowing people and [TS]

  then I then I watched as they could [TS]

  because they put him on a girl on your [TS]

  own John eNOS and so I'm in I'm [TS]

  embarrassed and I also feel bad and you [TS]

  know and every minute of the day I have [TS]

  a reminder of it because you're my [TS]

  finger is in a fuckin split now [TS]

  oh now which finger which hand my my my [TS]

  first finger my pointer finger of my [TS]

  right hand so it's not a it's it's I can [TS]

  still play guitar with my second finger [TS]

  but um like I have a gig this weekend [TS]

  shit and also so I get home and I'm like [TS]

  well you know I've broken my hands [TS]

  before and you just go to the doctor and [TS]

  they just they just tell you you know [TS]

  they charged seven hundred dollars to [TS]

  tell you we already know so i made a [TS]

  splint out of a couple of chopsticks and [TS]

  some band-aids and I wear that around [TS]

  for a while and I was like well maybe [TS]

  that's not the right maybe chopsticks [TS]

  are two straight you don't want to have [TS]

  your you want to make your fingers to [TS]

  straight so I took the chopstick splint [TS]

  off for a couple of days and I was just [TS]

  like I'm just going to use it until it [TS]

  gets better [TS]

  and then I think I reinjured it in a way [TS]

  that makes me think that maybe it's [TS]

  broken [TS]

  yeah and so now then i went to the drug [TS]

  store and I bought a proper splint and [TS]

  copper tape on it [TS]

  ok as you said you're making circles you [TS]

  can look closer and I'm connecting john [TS]

  III don't you go sort of i think you [TS]

  might wanna get that looked at the thing [TS]

  is that what you what happens you go [TS]

  look at the dr x-rays gonna tell you [TS]

  things you already know yeah 700 hours [TS]

  and you should have you should put a [TS]

  splint on it and it's like I gotta split [TS]

  on it now I should have had it on there [TS]

  the whole time [TS]

  God but so it hurts and I feel like I [TS]

  did break it and it's been a week and it [TS]

  doesn't feel like it's you know [TS]

  therefore for the week that I was kind [TS]

  of walking around in either my [TS]

  chopsticks plant or my or just using it [TS]

  I was like hurts enough awful lot and [TS]

  it's pretty swollen but I feel like the [TS]

  best thing to do is just ice it and use [TS]

  it dawns a really small John yeah and a [TS]

  and I guess and ultimately i'm most [TS]

  embarrassed at the fact that I don't [TS]

  even know how to like beat up a drunk [TS]

  without breaking my own hands [TS]

  give me a break he's uh I you are got [TS]

  them on my heart would be in my throat [TS]

  that situation uh I mean it was [TS]

  upsetting i think it was upsetting to [TS]

  everyone [TS]

  um but it's a it's just one of those [TS]

  situations where where as I replayed it [TS]

  it was like I oh I'm such a i'm such a [TS]

  paternalist you know like this kid [TS]

  obviously didn't have a good dad and I [TS]

  was going to be his bad dad for that [TS]

  half an hour and i don't know i don't [TS]

  who knows if you know like I got beat up [TS]

  a couple of times when I was that age I [TS]

  was never like sit by a drinking [TS]

  fountain pick fights with people i mean [TS]

  i got drunk beat up for legitimate [TS]

  reasons that I was an asshole who needed [TS]

  to be taken to the way [TS]

  having a primary not to defend the [TS]

  experience but it sounds like he was a [TS]

  predator and maybe just too drunk to [TS]

  know he was being a predator but that's [TS]

  that's not a way to behave in public as [TS]

  an adult [TS]

  yeah yeah and you know and I could have [TS]

  I could have gone and found a security [TS]

  guard and then what you know like come [TS]

  on what would have happened there [TS]

  nothing maybe so [TS]

  four-year-old bitch with the security [TS]

  card yeah then I'd be like a [TS]

  four-year-old bitch in a suit that went [TS]

  and got his mom mrs. he wasn't it wasn't [TS]

  exactly the name calling it was the the [TS]

  pushing you and the like provoking you [TS]

  that basically now two guys are gonna [TS]

  fight you and your soup [TS]

  yeah right i mean the the push was not [TS]

  benign it was a it was like the it was [TS]

  the provocation they started classic a [TS]

  classic such a classic bully though you [TS]

  know I'm because the really classic [TS]

  bully is not somebody who you know it [TS]

  succeeds referred you know 20 years at [TS]

  it in the classic ability is is somebody [TS]

  who's gotten away with it [TS]

  yeah and get on with it enough and it [TS]

  becomes their own like a kind of [TS]

  malignant therapy for trying to deal [TS]

  with power in their life and yeah that [TS]

  and then they just beat up when they can [TS]

  we write and condition when he made the [TS]

  transition from did you say some things [TS]

  access to my girlfriend to just shake my [TS]

  hand and it'll be cool [TS]

  what was missing in the interim was any [TS]

  kind of apology right and if he had said [TS]

  or his friend said hey I'm sorry I got [TS]

  that wrong I apologize [TS]

  let's just shake hands and be done with [TS]

  it yeah like this is you know what this [TS]

  is stupid [TS]

  I'm so this let's just move on yeah okay [TS]

  know that right no no no no no John I i [TS]

  like this I well I don't like the San [TS]

  detail but you know he had said if he [TS]

  had made it but what he did was the [TS]

  classic bully move which was kiss my [TS]

  ring [TS]

  yeah now he's like he's trying to get [TS]

  out of it he realizes that he is that he [TS]

  is out of his depth and they basically [TS]

  you've now that he sees it as you've [TS]

  successfully negotiated to wear a tough [TS]

  guy doesn't have to beat you up and now [TS]

  all you have to do is is admit that he [TS]

  was right all along and shake his hand [TS]

  like a gentleman [TS]

  yeah right exactly and [TS]

  the fact that i would shake his hand [TS]

  then became the issue of course now too [TS]

  but now it's about like you're not even [TS]

  a normal gentlemen [TS]

  yeah yeah look like and that that is the [TS]

  that's the classic sort of bullying [TS]

  redirect and people do that all the time [TS]

  and some classic way to trick somebody [TS]

  Indian sucker-punched well yeah yeah [TS]

  right i know he loved signs and a hell [TS]

  of signs of my daughter school when I [TS]

  noticed the other day that i think is [TS]

  pretty good was like it's very short [TS]

  signs just said how to apologize for [TS]

  something and there's three steps don't [TS]

  you say well no I'm just saying what if [TS]

  you're genuine apology goes like this [TS]

  you say I'm sorry for what I did [TS]

  number one [TS]

  number one [TS]

  42 it was my fault and number three what [TS]

  can i do to make this better and i have [TS]

  to tell you as signs go [TS]

  I think that's a pretty good sign [TS]

  because because nothing sucks like a bad [TS]

  apology [TS]

  you know the I'm sorry you're offended [TS]

  kind of apology out the big city big [TS]

  city [TS]

  exactly but the button but in that case [TS]

  you know that guy that was not about [TS]

  that and the thing is you know this [TS]

  you've been that guy in a sense you've [TS]

  been the dumb drunk guy who was watching [TS]

  himself from outside his body do [TS]

  something stupid [TS]

  somewhere in that guy's little pinhead [TS]

  he probably saw what a dumbass he was [TS]

  being but yeah I got ya i don't want to [TS]

  try and defend it but i really doubt [TS]

  that's the first time this has ever [TS]

  happened [TS]

  I doubt that he said Bumbershoot is [TS]

  going to be my bully coming-out party I [TS]

  bet he didn't shit like that for years [TS]

  usually back down [TS]

  he absolutely has an and the fact that [TS]

  his girlfriend and his friend were so [TS]

  ineffective in controlling him that is [TS]

  stopped to eat [TS]

  yea travis team and then has been his [TS]

  buddy you know like decided he was going [TS]

  to get on board the bullet train rather [TS]

  than you know and i think i hope that [TS]

  the lesson that they take away is that [TS]

  40 year old guys have 20-plus more years [TS]

  of kicking people's ask then they do you [TS]

  know what I mean like like at least in [TS]

  that situation I hope to take away was [TS]

  there are a lot of people there are a [TS]

  lot more people to watch out for them we [TS]

  prior than we previously thought [TS]

  well yeah yeah I wish you would I wish [TS]

  you would be something even more humane [TS]

  which is like wow that's a pretty I was [TS]

  acting like a real shitty oh well no [TS]

  because that you that you know that that [TS]

  was that they will never go back and [TS]

  reevaluate their own behavior probably [TS]

  can't remember it but if they just think [TS]

  to themselves oh there are more people [TS]

  watching and and um and prepared to [TS]

  intervene and capable of of stopping me [TS]

  then I previously thought [TS]

  right because they were so contemptuous [TS]

  of the fact that I was older and they [TS]

  were like 40 years old that you should [TS]

  have seen the looks on their faces like [TS]

  your fucking 40 dude what are you gonna [TS]

  fucking do about what's it's probably [TS]

  not so different than us going to punk [TS]

  rock Sean going God look at that guy [TS]

  you know what why is that guy here [TS]

  doesn't he know that this isn't for him [TS]

  well I know but you know there were [TS]

  always those guys a punk rock shows who [TS]

  are 40 years old that you sure I shifted [TS]

  entangle with those guys with mosquitoes [TS]

  tattooed on their next people better [TS]

  scoot over here like no thank you [TS]

  I young you were or how do i say you [TS]

  have concerns for the consequences of [TS]

  this [TS]

  oh there was some suggestion well so I [TS]

  got a tweet from somebody who was like [TS]

  hi big fan really excited to meet you [TS]

  and was about to say hi [TS]

  I at the center house when you got into [TS]

  a strange altercation with a drunk and I [TS]

  decided to split and I was like I'm [TS]

  really sorry that you had to witness [TS]

  that a debacle and she said well you [TS]

  know i'm a teacher and I realized that [TS]

  this situation wasn't going to get any [TS]

  better if there was a crowd of people so [TS]

  i just got out of there right so i [TS]

  imagine that she I'm hoping that she [TS]

  split before she split even while it was [TS]

  just sort of an ugly butt back and forth [TS]

  before it turned into a a like a one way [TS]

  back and forth but some but my friend [TS]

  did say like I does it concern you that [TS]

  that the 25 people could video tape and [TS]

  put it on the internet and um in a way [TS]

  it would just be it would just be [TS]

  embarrassing in the same way that it [TS]

  wasn't already embarrassing which is [TS]

  just like what am i doing right but it [TS]

  was not it was not unrighteous no no i [TS]

  was i was thinking more of from a legal [TS]

  standpoint [TS]

  well that's the thing that's and that [TS]

  this is the problem of a videotape right [TS]

  yeah if somebody had turned on their [TS]

  phone just in the last five seconds [TS]

  who are they still would see him push me [TS]

  and then me respond and that is sort of [TS]

  like I beats me what the [TS]

  the total breakdown of the rules is but [TS]

  I feel like if somebody like pushes you [TS]

  hard and spits in your face kind of that [TS]

  you got you are entitled to punch them [TS]

  in the nose [TS]

  um but but the the problem of of any [TS]

  kind of video is that you wouldn't have [TS]

  got you wouldn't have the whole spectrum [TS]

  of this guy's provocation right there [TS]

  wasn't a film crew already watching him [TS]

  via a shitty thug right so but again I [TS]

  think about this stuff all the time I [TS]

  still have a whole section a whole shelf [TS]

  of books that I'm just saving for prison [TS]

  I haha i am always waiting for the phone [TS]

  to ring and it's somebody with a [TS]

  subpoena God and and so you know and i [TS]

  have i've got i've got i've considered [TS]

  myself in and I think everybody has to [TS]

  have done this at one point another [TS]

  considered myself in an interview room [TS]

  with two cops across the table from me [TS]

  and they think I committed a crime that [TS]

  I didn't because you hear about this all [TS]

  the time yeah you get interview being [TS]

  interviewed by a good cop bad cop and [TS]

  somehow after 24 hours they big convince [TS]

  you to don't need the only really need [TS]

  to say it [TS]

  the only need you to say a different one [TS]

  time right that's the thing and and so [TS]

  I've played that scenario in my mind all [TS]

  the time because it's like they're [TS]

  people on death row that just made the [TS]

  wrong move in a room [TS]

  and I've watched a lot of law and order [TS]

  who [TS]

  not recently now back in the day when [TS]

  that was socially acceptable so I feel [TS]

  like whatever legal consequences [TS]

  well there wouldn't be any the legal [TS]

  consequences would be that he would you [TS]

  know also be culpable for fights [TS]

  starting she's basically just start [TS]

  listening to see if he has a podcast for [TS]

  he talks about it right now and a lot of [TS]

  people a podcast John that's the that's [TS]

  one of the advantages of not being that [TS]

  famous if I i mean if i were Eddie [TS]

  Vetter my bodyguards would have just [TS]

  beat the guy up but if you're like [TS]

  somewhere in between there like who's [TS]

  who is not as famous as any better and [TS]

  more famous than me who led to [TS]

  conceivably like Jack White is a perfect [TS]

  example there's a guy should get into a [TS]

  famous fistfight with a guy with ryan he [TS]

  was just he was like producing the guys [TS]

  record right yeah that guy put that [TS]

  picture of himself all black and blue [TS]

  from Jack White that picture was [TS]

  everywhere for six months [TS]

  I mean he used it to promote his record [TS]

  the Von Bondies DePandi's of course and [TS]

  you know and I was like boys jack white [TS]

  beat me up and up at a party I sure [TS]

  wouldn't put the picture of myself all [TS]

  over the place but I guess if that's [TS]

  what you need to promote your band which [TS]

  asked for a rematch [TS]

  um I don't know he it checked i did some [TS]

  pretty pretty bad damage i think he's [TS]

  pretty piece a pretty big guy but jack [TS]

  white aura or who's the bald guy from [TS]

  the smashing pumpkins ally Jimmy [TS]

  Corrigan yeah Jimmy Corrigan the world's [TS]

  smartest boy [TS]

  yeah uh either one of those guys I could [TS]

  see them getting into a bar fight or [TS]

  into a fight at a festival with some [TS]

  with a couple of drunks sure and I [TS]

  imagined there'd be a lot more videotape [TS]

  of it [TS]

  yeah if Jack was boxing some kid I hope [TS]

  your fingers okay I I you know I don't [TS]

  give you medical advice but yeah he [TS]

  might wanna get that looked at for [TS]

  clothes too long [TS]

  you're saying that I should go to a [TS]

  doctor I'm saying it's probably too late [TS]

  but but you know you need that for your [TS]

  work you need that for writing you need [TS]

  that for guitar [TS]

  an american doctor you're saying I [TS]

  should go see me like a licensed doctor [TS]

  heat like the son I don't know it's a [TS]

  good professional doctors gonna say [TS]

  let's get that x-rayed I fill out these [TS]

  forms of the broken finger and then he's [TS]

  going to say up but it's been a week [TS]

  already and it's already a flange take [TS]

  these chopsticks [TS]

  yeah you should you should use i'm going [TS]

  to give you a prescription for some [TS]

  unnecessary pain medicine that you won't [TS]

  take that you won't take and that's [TS]

  going to sit and be a be an attractive [TS]

  nuisance to house burglars [TS]

  yeah that's gonna attract Skeeter yeah [TS]

  and then you're gonna and then you're I [TS]

  want you to wear this seven hundred [TS]

  dollar chopsticks any physical therapy [TS]

  which enjoy that you go someplace with [TS]

  old people and large rubber bands [TS]

  I can do that myself you know my mom [TS]

  broke her foot one time in the and she [TS]

  walked like eight miles to the doctor [TS]

  and the doctors like there's no way you [TS]

  could walk here eight miles if you had a [TS]

  broken foot that you punched him [TS]

  [Music] [TS]