Roderick on the Line

Ep. 115: "Rerememory"

 

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  hello hi John hi Merlin how's it going [TS]

  oh it's going really well it's pretty [TS]

  early [TS]

  it's pretty early i slept a very very [TS]

  very long time last night and i feel [TS]

  like i could sleep another very long [TS]

  time I feel like like the Merlin that [TS]

  used to sleep a long time was an earlier [TS]

  version of Merlin it was Merlin one [TS]

  point out and lately all i think of is [TS]

  Merlin just never getting enough sleep [TS]

  but you you're telling me that that [TS]

  Merlin two point O sometimes sleeps 4 11 [TS]

  hour so Merlin 2014 has started to find [TS]

  a lot of value and sleep i will tell you [TS]

  that in this is super interesting i'm [TS]

  sure people but like I realize like how [TS]

  many of my afflictions i could write [TS]

  down to the fact that I just wasn't [TS]

  sleeping very well so i can I try to [TS]

  make myself sleep well now and I'm and [TS]

  it is definitely helped my old man [TS]

  quotient and all the things where like [TS]

  people wonder why I'm such a homebody [TS]

  and never go anywhere like but I have to [TS]

  go to bed 11 if i do that my dad I mean [TS]

  you know my mom sort of famously only [TS]

  sleeps okay yeah I guess she she gets a [TS]

  full night's sleep but she wakes up at [TS]

  four in the morning my dad would stay up [TS]

  all night and wake up in the morning [TS]

  just fine and you know like it get by on [TS]

  for five hours of sleep and i remember [TS]

  when i was young hearing that older [TS]

  people didn't need as much sleep who i [TS]

  do not know if i am finding that to be [TS]

  personally true it means you're still [TS]

  young of myself diet that's exactly [TS]

  right absolutely on i still need 12 [TS]

  hours of sleep like a four-year-old I [TS]

  yeah I don't know what the other [TS]

  successes me and all kinds of things is [TS]

  like I think that my amount of enjoyment [TS]

  of life in general and many things in [TS]

  specific i have to admit comes from [TS]

  something related to how much control I [TS]

  have over the environment like I think [TS]

  one reason i didn't like jobs a lot in [TS]

  the past because I didn't have that much [TS]

  control over the environment you had to [TS]

  be in with the overhead lights and [TS]

  people and stuff like that and I wonder [TS]

  if part of it is like when you have more [TS]

  control over your environment when you [TS]

  get older you know I mean like the [TS]

  people can't leave you alone you sit [TS]

  around and watch stories you clean the [TS]

  cat box you go to sleep hit him well [TS]

  suits you and then again [TS]

  but for the morning planet I to go to [TS]

  DMV they needed yeah and I maybe that [TS]

  all those like old people need less [TS]

  sleep stories are failing to take into [TS]

  account the three-and-a-half hour nap [TS]

  they take sitting up in their chair [TS]

  watching walkerr texas ranger you know [TS]

  like that that's that counts down time I [TS]

  think well yeah I mean it's yes I [TS]

  totally agree and but it'sit's weird [TS]

  like you know old people also they do [TS]

  stuff like the poop less and I think [TS]

  that frustrates them we with old ppl [TS]

  poopless I think they do i think i would [TS]

  inside do you have into getting old but [TS]

  I don't have i've known three old people [TS]

  at least personally who you know as well [TS]

  as you can know an old person they [TS]

  become very opaque at a certain age [TS]

  right when you want to talk about [TS]

  memories truth but they also talk to you [TS]

  about their poop [TS]

  well I i will just say that for my [TS]

  grandmother's generation I think I've [TS]

  said this before my grandmother i think [TS]

  is somewhat emblematic of our generation [TS]

  she's a post Kellogg American and she [TS]

  really thought and she would be so [TS]

  embarrassed my leg I'm so embarrassed [TS]

  and talk about a poop on the radio no [TS]

  more brand the better [TS]

  yeah but you know I think you're [TS]

  expected to make every morning you know [TS]

  what's interesting he didn't leave the [TS]

  house you would like you know be going [TS]

  out without your spots or something like [TS]

  that [TS]

  I've told you the story about the priest [TS]

  that cornered me and a in the fish bar [TS]

  in Sandpoint Idaho happy how many bm's I [TS]

  had a it's that is opening line [TS]

  pretty much yes next to where it's [TS]

  Johnny they learn they learn what really [TS]

  works [TS]

  we're at the fish bar which is a [TS]

  bar-shaped like a fish right you walk in [TS]

  the mouth of the giant fish I'm sure [TS]

  I've told the story right we're drinking [TS]

  red beer which is a which is a North [TS]

  Idaho tradition a half bear half tomato [TS]

  juice [TS]

  oh god and he he leaned over [TS]

  I mean we've been chatting but uh but he [TS]

  was like but you know let me just break [TS]

  it let me ask you how many bm's do you [TS]

  have a day [TS]

  I was like oh boy I don't know 10 [TS]

  sometimes none for a couple of days [TS]

  sometimes a whole bunch all at once he's [TS]

  like he's like no no that's that's not [TS]

  healthy you need AB you need to have two [TS]

  or three good solid healthy bm's a day [TS]

  this man this man is is sitting here [TS]

  he's sitting there he's drinking tomato [TS]

  juice and beer like an animal and [TS]

  telling you that you should have three [TS]

  good BM zayday what he said is that [TS]

  possible [TS]

  well he was a priest he's got like [TS]

  special knowledge is not allowed to lie [TS]

  so I so from then you know he's having [TS]

  this conversation with me when I'm 19 I [TS]

  guess yeah [TS]

  so from that time to the present i have [TS]

  always in the back of my head had a [TS]

  little sort of tally sheet and I I'm if [TS]

  if 3pm zayday is the standard of good [TS]

  health [TS]

  I'm like probably 8200 bm's down like I [TS]

  have so much catching up to do and I'm [TS]

  not looking forward to it you know i'm [TS]

  not looking forward to getting take that [TS]

  accounting square that sounds like [TS]

  bragging John that sounds like bragging [TS]

  to me to me the problem is if you're [TS]

  having three BMC they aren't good BM [TS]

  something went wrong [TS]

  he's saying that they were nice and you [TS]

  need to have good ones and I'm not sure [TS]

  whether you have to be eating in a in a [TS]

  cafeteria of a sort of a seminary who to [TS]

  get the to the right balance of like [TS]

  jello salad and and chicken cutlets or [TS]

  whatever it is that they're you know [TS]

  like green green beans let me ask john [TS]

  how much heavenly hash to eat up this [TS]

  episode of Roderick online is once again [TS]

  sponsored by our very good friends at [TS]

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  to squarespace for all the great support [TS]

  with Roderick online we could not do it [TS]

  without i have sometimes I think back at [TS]

  that the experiences I had a young man [TS]

  and marvel at them and pay what the hell [TS]

  was what the hell was happening and also [TS]

  how how do i remember i mean there are [TS]

  people around me who can't remember [TS]

  like what somebody said to them on the [TS]

  phone you're so good that is you're so [TS]

  good at that i do not know why these [TS]

  things sticking my head but you know I [TS]

  every one of them is like a small [TS]

  component of the DNA of my of my mantra [TS]

  when I wake up in the morning it's like [TS]

  right [TS]

  three beams today something every day [TS]

  you're already in the whole everyday 3pm [TS]

  today who and you know remember the [TS]

  Battle of Midway and also that will [TS]

  stroll that-that-that-that time that I [TS]

  use that word wrong in 1981 that guy [TS]

  with the tattoos on his hands that I [TS]

  insulted when i was working at steves [TS]

  Broadway is still mad at me i'm sure [TS]

  you're there like you are like you're [TS]

  like a mythical greek beast you know [TS]

  it's kind of like almost like a [TS]

  Cassandra thing you know you you're [TS]

  condemned to never be able to forget [TS]

  never forget [TS]

  that's right this is what scares me [TS]

  about my stupid kid is like I've got now [TS]

  so into the thing of going like my kid [TS]

  is just I don't know if she's just not [TS]

  receiving information if that [TS]

  information is being poorly encoded on [TS]

  her hard drive but we have a big problem [TS]

  with things like so [TS]

  and understanding the role of socks and [TS]

  being able to leave the house this get [TS]

  ready for this kit is the role of socks [TS]

  you need them [TS]

  yeah because then you gotta put shoes on [TS]

  before you leave that's 25 minutes right [TS]

  there so I I've gotten into this [TS]

  terrible habit of thinking that my [TS]

  daughter doesn't hear anything and then [TS]

  she'll just blow my gourd off by [TS]

  remembering something deeply deeply [TS]

  specific from when she was two or three [TS]

  so you know okay so here's one thing [TS]

  about memory that I think is super [TS]

  interesting like I I know if you ask [TS]

  most people what their earliest memories [TS]

  are well first of all there's all this [TS]

  stuff that they know because their [TS]

  family told them that over and over but [TS]

  most people's memories I think start [TS]

  their memories as adults start around [TS]

  age 5 so I just assume that something [TS]

  happens and they just hit reset but I [TS]

  stuff i've read recently indicates that [TS]

  it actually it just starts a racing a [TS]

  little bit around five or six x 10 [TS]

  you're really you know you're getting a [TS]

  lot of stuff that scares me i don't know [TS]

  what kind of bullshit i said one time [TS]

  that she's going to use to guide her [TS]

  life regarding rpms every morning and [TS]

  it's some offhanded thing I said I mean [TS]

  I I still I remember like such specific [TS]

  things like you're saying like talking [TS]

  to the priest over the tomato beer i [TS]

  have such specific recollection of these [TS]

  things i can't imagine how that's [TS]

  governing my day-to-day life and [TS]

  terrifies me [TS]

  well I i have to have to think about [TS]

  that i think quite a bit because I am [TS]

  governed by these constant little like [TS]

  addenda to the constitution that i'm [TS]

  always adding and a lot of them are [TS]

  ancient and i have no idea whether three [TS]

  beams a days is some kind of standard or [TS]

  whether this priest was crazy or whether [TS]

  this was some kind of like come on [TS]

  or or whether it was like an invitation [TS]

  to join the Society of Jesus that I [TS]

  wasn't like oh I was misinterpreting [TS]

  blue what he was saying maybe bm's were [TS]

  like this mouse right like a Sacramento [TS]

  something like how many beasts me laws [TS]

  do you say add a piecemeal ah oh IC [TS]

  right i don't know what the fuck was I [TS]

  who knows but yeah but I talk to people [TS]

  like that i have a couple of close [TS]

  friends who both [TS]

  kind of casually shrug off the the idea [TS]

  that they have a really bad memory oh I [TS]

  have a really bad memory shrug and and [TS]

  normally I feel like that is a it's [TS]

  either a self-fulfilling prophecy or [TS]

  it's a or it's a cop-out you know like [TS]

  oh you have a bad memory so let's get [TS]

  out and get a jail free card for [TS]

  distance but at but you know it within [TS]

  this within the the spectrum of human [TS]

  talents [TS]

  it's obvious right about having a bad [TS]

  memory is something that absolutely [TS]

  could be an could be an affliction and [TS]

  you wouldn't know you wouldn't even know [TS]

  you had it on unless you were I mean the [TS]

  only way you would know is by comparing [TS]

  and contrasting your experience with [TS]

  other people were there like you [TS]

  remember that time when we [TS]

  blankety-blank and you're like Jesus I [TS]

  don't um so I guess I must have a bad [TS]

  memory and but that that could be a [TS]

  descriptor for a whole lot of things [TS]

  that we're going on you know it's the [TS]

  old like is is the orange that I see the [TS]

  same orange that you see we both called [TS]

  orange right but like how do you how do [TS]

  you gauge you know how do you gauge [TS]

  perception except by by this like [TS]

  ungainly process of trying to describe [TS]

  your experience and see if it's if it [TS]

  squares with other people right so the [TS]

  these friends that are like yeah I have [TS]

  a really bad memory and and you know and [TS]

  I go way of a bad memory for like stuff [TS]

  that's happened recently you also have a [TS]

  bad memory for stuff that happened to a [TS]

  long time ago or is it just that you're [TS]

  not turning experiences into metaphors [TS]

  you know is it is it memory or is it is [TS]

  part of the process of men of [TS]

  remembering things like like changing [TS]

  your changing memories into into [TS]

  metaphors or stories or or changing them [TS]

  into other forms that are easier to to [TS]

  hold onto and process and not kind of a [TS]

  kind of like unintentional heuristic [TS]

  where it sits your brains equivalent of [TS]

  like writing it down in the big book [TS]

  right back [TS]

  yeah right like like 25 other thing [TS]

  has happened that night in the fish bar [TS]

  in sandpoint idaho and honestly I could [TS]

  not tell you I could not tell you who i [TS]

  was there with or why I was there or any [TS]

  of the other sort of lead up to why I [TS]

  was at the fish bar in sandpoint idaho [TS]

  and and where I was headed afterwards [TS]

  like so so this priest said this to me i [TS]

  found it remarkable i found it a [TS]

  remarkable conversation at the time and [TS]

  I mean it's not like when you it's not [TS]

  like when he brought this up by I real [TS]

  back it was like whoa I've gotta [TS]

  remember this right but you know I was [TS]

  engaged in the conversation was like [TS]

  tell me more about how many poops I [TS]

  should be having like this I'm up I'm I [TS]

  feel like a grown-up and you are [TS]

  definitely grown up this is not a [TS]

  conversation I've had before with it [TS]

  with a fellow grown-up and so now I'm [TS]

  really engaged but then I took away and [TS]

  you know i was also drunk but I took but [TS]

  I took it away from there and put it in [TS]

  the big book of my memory because [TS]

  because of because I converted it [TS]

  somehow into a into a story that that [TS]

  was a that was a bigger story and it you [TS]

  know it was more meaningful and so [TS]

  within the fog of this like I remember [TS]

  the fish bar I definitely know what [TS]

  where that is i could probably find it [TS]

  even but I don't know who I was there [TS]

  with but then out of the fog [TS]

  I can picture this priest I know exactly [TS]

  what he looked like I know right where [TS]

  you're at the bar where we were standing [TS]

  and I remember the five minutes that we [TS]

  SAT and talked about poop [TS]

  and and so why did I convert that of all [TS]

  the things that happened that night you [TS]

  know why was that a thing that turned [TS]

  into in a way like a marble-like it [TS]

  became hard like a marble and went into [TS]

  my bag of marbles and you'll find [TS]

  yourself wondering you're disputing that [TS]

  it didn't happen or it happened [TS]

  differently than you remember [TS]

  it's it's pretty well it's a the same [TS]

  doctor who fixed point I'm like it you [TS]

  know that this is the thing that [TS]

  happened this is your marble well yeah [TS]

  because unlike unlike childhood memories [TS]

  where you know you've looked through the [TS]

  photo album sitting on your mom's lap [TS]

  she's told you about the picture you're [TS]

  looking at that affects your memory of [TS]

  it and pretty soon you're like I totally [TS]

  remember the time I stuck a knife into a [TS]

  light socket like well do you or have [TS]

  you looked at that photo album so many [TS]

  times and you know but but this memory [TS]

  of this priest I had no second there was [TS]

  no other confirmation of it is almost [TS]

  like you could see it like a movie right [TS]

  you can see it but that scene playing [TS]

  yeah and and the way the way I [TS]

  understand memory works is you recall [TS]

  that clip you play it for yourself [TS]

  Yuri remember it and then you store it [TS]

  away so with each rira memory I have [TS]

  surely altered it but but I'm not you [TS]

  know I'm not it's such a simple story [TS]

  right I'm not saying like the priest [TS]

  rode in on a on a like a custom lowrider [TS]

  bicycle and like there's no there's no [TS]

  detail to it it's just this moment and [TS]

  then and within that it's a very private [TS]

  recollection of me standing next to this [TS]

  guy and and I think part of what part of [TS]

  why it was so so why I took it away was [TS]

  that it was one of those early adult [TS]

  interactions where I'm 19 the drinking [TS]

  age in idaho at the time was still 19 so [TS]

  i could I was legally in this bar and [TS]

  legally standing there with one foot on [TS]

  the brass rail [TS]

  drinking an abomination really have [TS]

  tomato juice half beer disgusting but it [TS]

  was you know it was the flavor of this [TS]

  ere this area and the fish bar is back [TS]

  in the woods and that was during that [TS]

  during that era of white supremacy in [TS]

  northern Idaho so hayden lake and the be [TS]

  a white nationalists were very active in [TS]

  that area at the time and it so there [TS]

  was all this like all this adulthood [TS]

  I was feeling in that moment like this [TS]

  is what adults do they state they go to [TS]

  bars and they drink like terrible [TS]

  potions and I'm talking to a priest like [TS]

  a real priest not it is not a junior [TS]

  priest he's not he's not a minister [TS]

  he's a priest like he's a priest who [TS]

  goes all the way back to st. Peter and [TS]

  this is what he wants to talk about and [TS]

  so here so I'm a math test of a grown-up [TS]

  conversation [TS]

  yeah right like I guess this is I mean [TS]

  at the time I had no way of knowing like [TS]

  maybe this is what all my adult [TS]

  conversations are going to be like I'm [TS]

  going to be drinking beer mixed with [TS]

  something in a bar shaped like an animal [TS]

  it doesn't know the animal we don't know [TS]

  yet if we do all we know is it will be [TS]

  some kind of a spiritual clergy person [TS]

  we don't know what it could be done [TS]

  right it could be in a pig bar somewhere [TS]

  to be grabbing can find a big-block the [TS]

  great lords day something big bar [TS]

  there's a sense that outside the doors [TS]

  of the bar there like very quickly like [TS]

  right across the parking lot and that [TS]

  it's a dirt parking lot right so even [TS]

  the parking lot feels little wild but [TS]

  right across the parking lot you're in [TS]

  the you're in the wilderness of northern [TS]

  Idaho and you are surrounded by clansmen [TS]

  or worse skinheads and and what do you [TS]

  talk about what is there to talk about [TS]

  like if he had said how many times do [TS]

  you come a day I could have been like [TS]

  this is what were this is what we're [TS]

  talking about i guess i'm new here [TS]

  exactly like 19 19 years old and ready [TS]

  to you know I could go to Vietnam right [TS]

  now if it was 20 years ago but a lot [TS]

  easier now [TS]

  but but instead i'm learning about what [TS]

  it is to be a man here if you can learn [TS]

  how to be a man it might as well be from [TS]

  a priest and a fish bar in Idaho [TS]

  so why the fuck would that turn into a [TS]

  marble and go in my bag [TS]

  ok so I'm going to decide this is [TS]

  another one of those i won't say it's an [TS]

  old person thing i'll say a funny thing [TS]

  about young people here there's a thread [TS]

  here when you're young you don't think [TS]

  about your poop when you're young you [TS]

  don't think about your memories you [TS]

  don't have any reason to because [TS]

  everything is running as far as you know [TS]

  running like a top so I mean even like [TS]

  psychology classes i would hear about [TS]

  things like how memories actually work [TS]

  which seemed completely foreign because [TS]

  my memories were great i know exactly [TS]

  what are you here think about things [TS]

  like cognitive biases and go home oh [TS]

  that's very interesting for people who [TS]

  aren't as smart as me and now like today [TS]

  I kits one thing to like realize you [TS]

  don't remember things you don't remember [TS]

  things is another thing to remember you [TS]

  don't remember them as well as you [TS]

  thought but i'll tell you what fucks me [TS]

  up hard is when I think it's exactly [TS]

  what you're saying which is that tape [TS]

  that old VHS tape of that memory every [TS]

  time you play it degrades a little bit [TS]

  yeah every time you tell that story it [TS]

  gets further even if it's not a tall [TS]

  tale [TS]

  it's still kind of make exaggerated [TS]

  might get slightly but each time you're [TS]

  hearing that as well as saying it and [TS]

  that's I think hurting some of the [TS]

  fidelity of the original memory if it [TS]

  was ever there at all because it gets me [TS]

  is like when I find out I remember [TS]

  something wrong when I have something [TS]

  that I consider like a hard little [TS]

  marble and then I've been telling this [TS]

  story for years and somebody goes that's [TS]

  not how that went and I feel I'm so [TS]

  chasing is to tell this one of my go-to [TS]

  stories and interviews for a long time [TS]

  we've seen how to get into max let's say [TS]

  this the same story over and over which [TS]

  is that I had dated this wonderful woman [TS]

  when i started my freshman year she had [TS]

  a magnavox word processor i wrote all my [TS]

  papers on it and when she broke up with [TS]

  me I had to learn to you know type on [TS]

  something else and i ended up going to [TS]

  the maclab and every little bit of that [TS]

  is true i think except for one important [TS]

  detail i went to lunch with her one day [TS]

  after she had heard this anecdote and [TS]

  she said you know you broke up with me [TS]

  up and all i need to do was hear her say [TS]

  those words and I went oh my god you're [TS]

  right i broke up with you it's a [TS]

  different story [TS]

  I guess it's not the crucial to the [TS]

  story but how much else did I get wrong [TS]

  only [TS]

  god that's a real tentpole of the story [TS]

  what an asshole I I had a wonderful love [TS]

  wonderful girlfriend from New England [TS]

  with a magnavox and broke up with her [TS]

  oh you jerk I felt like such a dick and [TS]

  it's exactly the kind of just saying [TS]

  exactly the kind of thing now that makes [TS]

  me doubt myself because I am one of [TS]

  those people who says i don't remember [TS]

  things i thought i remembered that but [TS]

  like I wonder how much other stuff I [TS]

  just get like dead wrong [TS]

  remember the context wrong or I didn't [TS]

  take a step back and think about all the [TS]

  facts and evidence [TS]

  well I feel like when I when I learn [TS]

  that a story that I've told a lot of [TS]

  many times has a factual error it's [TS]

  usually exactly the thing we're talking [TS]

  about which is that I say you know the [TS]

  second time I went to see The Grateful [TS]

  Dead I met up with my bro in his focus [TS]

  wagon bug and we smoked pot the whole [TS]

  way over from Spokane and Santana was [TS]

  the opener and that was the night that I [TS]

  got thrown out of the the tacoma dome [TS]

  because I had a bottle of peach schnapps [TS]

  and a guy found me in through the app [TS]

  that's a good story [TS]

  it's an amazing story and you're like [TS]

  it's just peach schnapps give me a break [TS]

  it said he said he said to the guy take [TS]

  away the shots that let me stay right [TS]

  yeah i think this story is a good story [TS]

  yeah except that the peach schnapps [TS]

  Torre was actually ZZ Top at the tacoma [TS]

  dome and everything else was a was true [TS]

  about the second time I saw the Grateful [TS]

  Dead and the the conflation of the two [TS]

  things and and what what ends up being [TS]

  like like what would what ends up being [TS]

  just sort of the window dressing on the [TS]

  story because i feel like the reason the [TS]

  peach schnapps story or the or the fish [TS]

  bar story like the reason that that that [TS]

  turns into a marble and you walk away [TS]

  with it is that I've been trying to fit [TS]

  that marble into the right slot [TS]

  for the for the intervening 25 years [TS]

  right I pull that marble out sometimes [TS]

  and I go [TS]

  is this where this story belongs did I [TS]

  learned that because it applies here and [TS]

  I and I push it into a to contemporary [TS]

  context like the peach schnapps story at [TS]

  ZZ top fits here and I and I try it out [TS]

  and that that because i'm looking for a [TS]

  place where that is a metaphor for this [TS]

  I'm trying to I'm trying to interpret a [TS]

  new experience and I know I've been [TS]

  carrying around this bag of marbles for [TS]

  a reason and I go is that I I reach in [TS]

  and I'm like does this story finally [TS]

  makes sense in the context of this new [TS]

  information who and in most cases you [TS]

  know you've tried to fit in there and [TS]

  you're like huh [TS]

  kinda but every once in a while you get [TS]

  one of those where you just stick the [TS]

  thing in there and it just locks and [TS]

  you're like holy shit [TS]

  the story is completed like there's a [TS]

  lot of incentive for you to crack that [TS]

  Marvel in half and make sure it's what [TS]

  you thought it was right so so but but [TS]

  the question of like was it the was a [TS]

  grateful better ZZ top like that that [TS]

  stuff is this is the Shocker where it's [TS]

  like I've been telling the story wrong [TS]

  the whole time not awful but but [TS]

  ultimately that doesn't matter unless [TS]

  you're trying to I mean that isn't that [TS]

  the reason you you made that into a [TS]

  story to carry with you unless you're [TS]

  sitting around in a group of people in [TS]

  and everybody's telling Grateful Dead [TS]

  stories and I think usually that's where [TS]

  it comes out you start to tell you're [TS]

  grateful that story like holy shit when [TS]

  i get better the Grateful Dead story [TS]

  yeah it's better as a grateful that [TS]

  story but the thing is I don't think you [TS]

  get kicked out of a grateful dead [TS]

  concert for having peach schnapps don't [TS]

  think you get kicked out from making [TS]

  peach peach now haha I feel like they're [TS]

  the security guards at the tacoma dome [TS]

  at a Grateful Dead and Santana show have [TS]

  bigger fish to fry [TS]

  yeah whereas at the ZZ Top show for [TS]

  whatever reason come on they're just [TS]

  they're looking for southern comfort and [TS]

  they found peach schnapps in this [TS]

  instance and like good enough you're out [TS]

  on the street [TS]

  oh also mad still [TS]

  does the terrible feeling you know I [TS]

  don't change topic but i heard a song [TS]

  and I really liked it was it the Grange [TS]

  now I heard a song and I felt this [TS]

  little twinge on the back of my neck and [TS]

  I thought my first of all I mean thought [TS]

  was this song is really really good [TS]

  have you heard it before or her naked [TS]

  body might have her I knew I thought it [TS]

  was pretty sure I'd heard it before but [TS]

  I was fighting myself because there was [TS]

  a very strong feeling I was getting that [TS]

  it was almost certainly a grateful dead [TS]

  song and I started feeling really bad [TS]

  about it cuz my marble does not fit in [TS]

  that slot huh [TS]

  and I took out my phone and I hit the [TS]

  shazam Oh box of rain from american [TS]

  beauty see what a nice song over my what [TS]

  what an excellent album i heard that and [TS]

  I was like god dammit this fucks with my [TS]

  marble set because you know I sit and [TS]

  listen to that and thinking like this [TS]

  could be something that REM put out in [TS]

  1986 you or you know or 4586 like it's [TS]

  really really great and it's not [TS]

  extraneous and it's not full of bullshit [TS]

  is let's kick with the Grateful Dead [TS]

  it's very manicured and well edited and [TS]

  i just made me angry but it's a really [TS]

  good song [TS]

  american beauty is full of really [TS]

  excellent songwriter and at that moment [TS]

  in history like they were [TS]

  contemporaneous with the band and crosby [TS]

  Stills and Nash and all part of the same [TS]

  school as those guys and they were all [TS]

  like collaborating on records with one [TS]

  another i mean they were they were they [TS]

  that was a that was there pop record and [TS]

  it it's a fantastic album and yeah he's [TS]

  a really good pedal steel player right I [TS]

  definitely plan to teach your children [TS]

  well and stuff like that who Jerry yeah [TS]

  place the pedal steel as i'm thinking of [TS]

  right yeah I'm pretty sure i'll check it [TS]

  out [TS]

  I didn't know yeah I think he's a pretty [TS]

  accomplished guy and there was some kind [TS]

  of thing with the recording of that [TS]

  album and maybe the one before it were [TS]

  something happened he ended up having to [TS]

  play more pedal steel and I think he's [TS]

  pretty good at it [TS]

  what wouldn't surprise me I mean they're [TS]

  all really good [TS]

  they're all really really good musicians [TS]

  because this fish except maybe Bob Weir [TS]

  put out but no I mean that the that the [TS]

  Grateful Dead hate uh it's [TS]

  understandable you know what [TS]

  yeah yeah like there's a lot of out of [TS]

  tune singing and there's a lot of I mean [TS]

  there are a lot of those live recordings [TS]

  there so they're so messed up on drugs [TS]

  that it that it's just like no it's not [TS]

  good but uh well I've got four years i [TS]

  have filed that I used to be kind of you [TS]

  know because you know going to hippie [TS]

  school you end up hearing some Grateful [TS]

  Dead but you hear about the Grateful [TS]

  Dead a lot and it's another one of those [TS]

  things where you're like it's like [TS]

  people who are into tool you're just [TS]

  like oh I don't and I couldn't even name [TS]

  a tool song but like the people who are [TS]

  really into to lure the people who are [TS]

  too scared to quote Sloan who you love [TS]

  the people who are really into [TS]

  consolidated you just like god you're so [TS]

  annoying [TS]

  yeah and now I think that's what it was [TS]

  and then as I grew as a person John i [TS]

  found it more under my more grown-up [TS]

  thing from probably about maybe Merlin [TS]

  revision 12 was like this is just not [TS]

  for me [TS]

  yeah and that was a perfectly fine [TS]

  marble in a very sensible grown-ups lot [TS]

  but now i don't know i might have to go [TS]

  back I might have to check my memories I [TS]

  feel like the the key the key elements [TS]

  to be conscious of it in the Grateful [TS]

  Dead or that that they really pioneered [TS]

  the loud clean guitar tone who um which [TS]

  as Davis on pointed out the other day [TS]

  you here again in the Cure write the [TS]

  check the clean-out loud guitar that's [TS]

  not trying to be attending retrospect [TS]

  unprocessed because we are processed [TS]

  right listen to something like an echo [TS]

  and the bunnymen or something like you [TS]

  know there will be a lot of you know [TS]

  shaping of the sound right but that [TS]

  you're right that's a really good points [TS]

  in has a great guitar tone it's great [TS]

  and and he's you know he's using like [TS]

  the chorusing effects that we started to [TS]

  hear later on clean guitar [TS]

  you know Jerry Garcia was doing all this [TS]

  like in and out of phase stuff with it [TS]

  you know he had one of those guitars [TS]

  that had 11 different switches on earth [TS]

  and its all all the switches are like [TS]

  this pickups in phase now this pickups [TS]

  out of phase and and it creates a kind [TS]

  of chorusing or you know like filtering [TS]

  effect on the tone but really always [TS]

  very clean tone so there's that and then [TS]

  for me the other thing is phil lesh the [TS]

  bass player never plays the same no [TS]

  twice his bass lines are these like [TS]

  weaving bobbing up and down like courses [TS]

  of notes that if you just kind of zoom [TS]

  in on them their miraculous for because [TS]

  they're there you know whatever phil [TS]

  however feel less here's the patterns of [TS]

  music it's like it's a dimension closer [TS]

  to jazz or for you no further from the [TS]

  surface of the earth and then where I [TS]

  live and so hit the bass lines are like [TS]

  really all over the place and kind of [TS]

  extraordinary musical just musical [TS]

  pieces on their own and then you know of [TS]

  course every every once in a while babe [TS]

  they would write a killer to ever so you [TS]

  know I'm gonna get I'm gonna give [TS]

  another chance that this thing is very [TS]

  appealing to me because somebody who I i [TS]

  guess i have a feeling that a lot of [TS]

  bass players started guitar players and [TS]

  you can kind of tell who those people [TS]

  are [TS]

  don't you think you're saying like [TS]

  somebody who takes the base for what it [TS]

  needs to be I mean like John Entwistle [TS]

  he might have started on guitar who [TS]

  knows but man he plays that like nobody [TS]

  else he plays the bass in a way that [TS]

  only a base could be played [TS]

  whereas I'm more like Lou Barlow like [TS]

  like I'm out there going you know Gigi [TS]

  dcccd but did you know that I mean by [TS]

  the difference [TS]

  yeah well good thing about Entwistle is [TS]

  he he he looks so calm and implacable [TS]

  but in his bass playing there's all this [TS]

  like ferociousness fire and fury just [TS]

  pure pure [TS]

  fury and Phil lashes again like another [TS]

  step out onto the grass from where [TS]

  there's not a lot of fury in phillips [TS]

  but it's not it's not just dumb called [TS]

  noodling either he is you know he is [TS]

  chasing a unicorn across a lake and and [TS]

  I don't know what I don't know what it [TS]

  means [TS]

  at the time you know I really don't with [TS]

  whistle I know what I feel like I know [TS]

  what it means [TS]

  because it connects with me so deeply [TS]

  you soo min if you listen to the WHO and [TS]

  you just zoom in on the base like you [TS]

  will just have a tremendous experience [TS]

  at that that for me is like very [TS]

  emotional and very like I yes and with [TS]

  with and i think phil lesh you know that [TS]

  what we think of as like the noodling of [TS]

  jam bands the in comprehensible noodling [TS]

  of jam bands me a little up with a lot [TS]

  of that kind of jazz infections like if [TS]

  you don't get that stuff right it's it's [TS]

  a pretty rough road but with interest [TS]

  leaving when he does something like can [TS]

  express this like a little pentatonic [TS]

  Phil like a little doodoo kind of like [TS]

  little thing sounds of buildings falling [TS]

  down like the simplest little like this [TS]

  is the end of this part of the verse [TS]

  that he'll head is just like then I'm [TS]

  really embarrassed to say this but just [TS]

  three days ago I was watching are not [TS]

  watching I'm sorry i was listening to [TS]

  soloed delhi-based parts on youtube you [TS]

  do not want to set me on the path of [TS]

  isolated tracks on youtube a bit much i [TS]

  have done it I've got quite a bit the [TS]

  problem is that what I want to start [TS]

  going down there I'm just like stop it [TS]

  stop it stop it get out get out you just [TS]

  listen to three-and-a-half long minute [TS]

  you just listen to YYZ still with the [TS]

  bass solo when you listen to the kid [TS]

  that's that's indefensible [TS]

  yeah you are making a marble that you [TS]

  are not going to find a slot for your [TS]

  not going to fit this in anywhere [TS]

  this is not useful but it's but it's [TS]

  thrilling you know I dive but when the [TS]

  reasoning the reason i got me there was [TS]

  i was listening to soloed helmet drum [TS]

  tracks that was the bells my entry point [TS]

  understand how to write that down that's [TS]

  good [TS]

  something if you've ever loses that you [TS]

  can't see them recently I saw helmet [TS]

  within within a couple of years whatever [TS]

  their last ya back together and you know [TS]

  it was phenomenal but listening to the [TS]

  drum tracks of helmet soloed you know [TS]

  like the first thing that you notice is [TS]

  while that snare is really tuned up like [TS]

  it as a tight snare and a ringing tight [TS]

  ringing snare but then use the zoom [TS]

  because because the thing is for most of [TS]

  the tune it's just kick and snare he's [TS]

  not you know it's like nabil used to say [TS]

  when we would do sound check and he [TS]

  would you know they think i would have [TS]

  him hit the Tom 15 times for entering [TS]

  soundcheck and then people would say [TS]

  well lets you know that like four times [TS]

  more times than I hit the time in my [TS]

  entire set but like I just stated 15 [TS]

  times i hit four times during our set [TS]

  but uh but listening to the kick and [TS]

  snare of of these helmet from you know [TS]

  isolated tracks the kick drum is just so [TS]

  dead-on so relentless and so like you [TS]

  don't think of that you don't think of [TS]

  that music is having any swing because [TS]

  it doesn't but the put the pocket of it [TS]

  is just extraordinary [TS]

  so fuck i will listen to soloed [TS]

  musicians forever in a day and it's just [TS]

  not just not a lot it's not how the I I [TS]

  really feel like I've reached some kind [TS]

  of a nadir of both music dorkiness and [TS]

  we're just really every kind of darkness [TS]

  when I'm sitting there and like my one [TS]

  of my go-to news is dave grohl on queens [TS]

  of the stone ages and no one knows [TS]

  uh-huh you know the song out do I that's [TS]

  a hell did you do to this fills are from [TS]

  another planet but then so you're [TS]

  sitting there you turn it on and there's [TS]

  a lot quiet for a while and it's just [TS]

  don't [TS]

  don't jump together and it's better the [TS]

  vast apart i remember i like for phils [TS]

  but because there's no there's no [TS]

  guitars right so all year there's four [TS]

  films and I'm looking for but to get [TS]

  there I listen to like three minutes of [TS]

  some really good don't cha [TS]

  well yeah basically my Sharona ah right [TS]

  at all and all and I'm like that man [TS]

  oh and as a monster it's depressing [TS]

  it's depressing but you know this is a [TS]

  nice way to spend an evening i mean it's [TS]

  it's better than listening to noam [TS]

  chomsky lectures I guess I don't know [TS]

  oh you said a mouthful thanks for [TS]

  listening isolated in a ski we just here [TS]

  it's just isolated noam chomsky mouth [TS]

  sounds and breath sounds [TS]

  we could all the word i just kept in the [TS]

  smacking noises that queens of the stone [TS]

  age record i have to say is like still a [TS]

  real it's still a real influence on me [TS]

  and I admit it I can't square that with [TS]

  any of the music that I make no yeah but [TS]

  but the sound the tone the feel of it [TS]

  the the attitude of it it doesn't fit [TS]

  part of it is like I'm always really [TS]

  into music not always into i find myself [TS]

  when I think about the music that I like [TS]

  it sometimes it's it stands across two [TS]

  or three Chandra's you can very easily [TS]

  put that into a couple different genres [TS]

  yeah but still it's it really is its own [TS]

  thing and but its its its aggressive [TS]

  without being like angrily stupid if [TS]

  there's something there's always a [TS]

  little bit of restraint to it not a [TS]

  menace and considered it identity and [TS]

  that's all go with the flow [TS]

  who's it had it had such a impact on me [TS]

  and you know go with the flow is [TS]

  obviously like surfer philosophy and [TS]

  stone and you know that they are like [TS]

  famously a stoner band so but but [TS]

  there's also like something ironic in [TS]

  the delivery of go with the flow like [TS]

  her or with the background of the music [TS]

  it feels like a pretty aggressive take [TS]

  on that on that like goat the flow [TS]

  philosophy [TS]

  yeah but in trying to try to take that [TS]

  song apart and see what it's made of [TS]

  I realized that like like a lot of great [TS]

  songs there's nothing to it you know [TS]

  it's two quarts basically it's it's that [TS]

  the impact of the tune is 100-percent [TS]

  production and attitude right there's [TS]

  nothing complicated about it there's [TS]

  nothing it's just it's just sound and I [TS]

  guess that's the thing as a songwriter [TS]

  that I've always like I always aspired [TS]

  as a songwriter to write songs that were [TS]

  not dependent on sound that the song [TS]

  itself was elegantly built that's a [TS]

  pretty classic is a classic all but [TS]

  that's kind of the classic idea of a [TS]

  great songs you could play it just on a [TS]

  piano you can play it on guitar by [TS]

  yourself right right and he doesn't need [TS]

  strings to be on like bittersweet [TS]

  symphony like that i'm not sure how well [TS]

  that will come across on the ukulele [TS]

  yeah it wouldn't write but but solitary [TS]

  man can be covered by x 700 different [TS]

  artists and the and the greatness of the [TS]

  song shines through [TS]

  yeah I don't think another band could [TS]

  cover go with the flow and make any dent [TS]

  in it or you know that or any [TS]

  improvement [TS]

  it's always just going to be about the [TS]

  album version is always going to be the [TS]

  best because it's a it's a it's like a [TS]

  sound creation and in it in a way that's [TS]

  different from like the cure which all [TS]

  those records are sonic creations [TS]

  yeah but like you could cover a cure [TS]

  song and do it do it [TS]

  cool interpretation of it and make it [TS]

  into something different but you [TS]

  couldn't cover my bloody valentine [TS]

  exactly [TS]

  and so I exactly what I was just [TS]

  thinking we're Queens of the Stone Age [TS]

  go you know how they managed to be in [TS]

  that my bloody valentine category [TS]

  although the songs have hooks and [TS]

  they're there pop but it's really like [TS]

  it's a it's a cake of sound and you take [TS]

  any one element and try and zoom in on [TS]

  it and say like this is the guitar part [TS]

  it's like it's two chords it's just two [TS]

  cords through a distortion boxes nothing [TS]

  nothing so that so as I as I evolve as I [TS]

  progress like my interest in the last [TS]

  five years has been about trying to make [TS]

  these sonic tapestries but i don't but [TS]

  that isn't my tradition and that's not [TS]

  what I know best [TS]

  so in a way that's why I'm so why have [TS]

  been so unproductive like I want to make [TS]

  a record that sounds like loveless and [TS]

  have for years but instead he yeah right [TS]

  haha ah isn't that the story about like [TS]

  how he like nearly bankrupted Creation [TS]

  Records with the the creation of that [TS]

  record that said that supposedly the [TS]

  story anyway [TS]

  yeah and and in a way I feel like the [TS]

  recording of it actually was the actual [TS]

  like stuff that happened in the [TS]

  recording was pretty simple it's just [TS]

  like loud guitar mic in front of the am [TS]

  but when I hear stories about how [TS]

  Lovelace was recorded where he he [TS]

  created like a tent out of blankets and [TS]

  would poke his head out and you know say [TS]

  to the engineer like just keep recording [TS]

  don't ever talk to me through the [TS]

  talkback mic and then he would you know [TS]

  going under the black or whatever and [TS]

  look under there for four hours and the [TS]

  the engineers just like you know in half [TS]

  of that time it's just the sound of him [TS]

  doing um would be great i don't remember [TS]

  the guys name would be great to be me [TS]

  like incredibly stressed out label owner [TS]

  and you got to just kind of stick your [TS]

  head in to see how the historical [TS]

  there's a blanket any difficulty he's [TS]

  been doing every 90 this is it [TS]

  sorry man he's just under there and I [TS]

  feel like the lira by my understanding [TS]

  of the record [TS]

  Lovelace was that though that the vocals [TS]

  were recorded maybe extemporaneously a [TS]

  lot of the time and they just would go [TS]

  under the blankets and like make mouth [TS]

  sounds and keep the tape rolling and [TS]

  they made mouth sounds until those mouth [TS]

  sounds turned into word sounds and then [TS]

  they did it until they had a until they [TS]

  had to take food and it's not like I [TS]

  don't know I've never seen tell you all [TS]

  my cocktail twins parodies but I i feel [TS]

  like you know I actually have a fourth [TS]

  long winters record that is all that has [TS]

  vocals on 13 songs that are all mouth [TS]

  sounds brand Devonshire get us in [TS]

  trouble a mi know ya level is pretty [TS]

  sure my father had to do it on the [TS]

  sweater ice cream sundae kg always [TS]

  entertained on what I'm afraid of is [TS]

  that I'm gonna die in a plane crash good [TS]

  at something [TS]

  somebody's gonna be like let's go on his [TS]

  computer and find all the unreleased [TS]

  long yeah I know like like they have a [TS]

  cop son like the estate this is the cash [TS]

  in it just takes all that was always [TS]

  looks like John was almost done with [TS]

  this exhibitor should I don't even know [TS]

  hanging chung Tang or like even worse [TS]

  hand those things off to my friends like [TS]

  hey would you guys like to finish this [TS]

  song the job was working on [TS]

  oh ok let my soul Mike Squires revenge [TS]

  yeah exactly handed off to to like a a [TS]

  cross-section of the American Romans god [TS]

  what a nightmare John would think that [TS]

  all of the disgruntled ex long winters [TS]

  people together to report that are more [TS]

  every every singer in the country that [TS]

  has some like vague grudge but it was [TS]

  never fully articulated that's gonna [TS]

  take some work [TS]

  oh yeah let's say I decided to get [TS]

  microsoft itself let's uh let's solo the [TS]

  vocals on this track see what he was [TS]

  really going for it [TS]

  what I don't not going to add anything [TS]

  to that vocal tract I think it's perfect [TS]

  as it is I saw colin Meloy in a bauble [TS]

  video [TS]

  yeah let's leave that well yeah that [TS]

  video was directed by alicia roze who is [TS]

  a suspect funny video friend and she was [TS]

  the original sort of stylist and [TS]

  photographer of the decemberists [TS]

  everything all those photographs that [TS]

  you see of them you know like holding [TS]

  red flags on top of a castle mount [TS]

  looking like diluted minors on a break [TS]

  yeah I don't little a big part of that [TS]

  big part of that look that to find them [TS]

  early on was that all the pictures were [TS]

  taken by Alicia [TS]

  so she's a Portland she's Portland ridge [TS]

  yeah and apparently she has like naked [TS]

  hot tub parties to is that right i keep [TS]

  getting invited down to like hey if you [TS]

  need a place to crash [TS]

  like I don't know really terrible for [TS]

  you to misunderstand that invitation [TS]

  you know like that can really then again [TS]

  this could be a memory thing with you [TS]

  maybe you heard that wrong forgive my [TS]

  saying but like what you know what if [TS]

  you got that a little bit wrong and just [TS]

  showed up with the wrong stuff [TS]

  well back in the old days i was i was [TS]

  looking through some photographs the [TS]

  other day and i see i found all these [TS]

  pictures of me in the very early [TS]

  nineties in my when I was in my modern [TS]

  primitive culture i was still I'm still [TS]

  pretty much like I am now but for [TS]

  whatever reason i have found myself in a [TS]

  modern primitive circle for for a large [TS]

  portion of my of my social like calendar [TS]

  and that involved a lot of mud and [TS]

  nakedness and industrial music and the [TS]

  early days of tattoos in in places other [TS]

  than on your forearms and of of a [TS]

  graphic elements other than anchors [TS]

  and I was always you know a little bit [TS]

  outside because I'm always a little bit [TS]

  outside of every culture i participate [TS]

  in but this group of people really [TS]

  didn't brace me and I embraced them for [TS]

  a period of a few years we were all very [TS]

  close and and covered with mud and part [TS]

  of that was that we you know like it you [TS]

  could not put intoxicating substances in [TS]

  us fast enough but there are a couple of [TS]

  i have a couple of photographs of me [TS]

  like sitting next to a fire pit with the [TS]

  with a like a dreadlocked girl sitting [TS]

  in my lap and like a a bald guy with the [TS]

  long goatee and like pan boots is [TS]

  playing up playing the flute and dancing [TS]

  around of a goat carcass like and I look [TS]

  at how peaceful years goat and just like [TS]

  what the what the fuck was I up to [TS]

  I was a long time ago but then i guess i [TS]

  guess at the time I was trying to trying [TS]

  to figure out what what was next in the [TS]

  world there that that seemed that was [TS]

  that was the logical extension of what [TS]

  hippie values would lead to I guess [TS]

  right i mean that seemed like next-gen [TS]

  it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't [TS]

  friendly anymore it was it was trending [TS]

  dark again who and and I felt like I [TS]

  felt like I needed to I need to be there [TS]

  boots-on-the-ground figure out what that [TS]

  figure out what this was all about and [TS]

  it's yeah well or like like remember [TS]

  logger boots however every I mean lose I [TS]

  think back now and I'm like you know [TS]

  what logger boots are really expensive i [TS]

  didn't have logger boots at the time I [TS]

  just had some old boots but like there [TS]

  were a lot of people in logger like [TS]

  really nice logger boots [TS]

  there's always a real high up lots of [TS]

  places [TS]

  yeah right with all the extra light pole [TS]

  climbers with you and I never I didn't [TS]

  have any money then so I never will I [TS]

  didn't even go to the store to look at [TS]

  how much those things cost i just got [TS]

  Martin seeming out of my range that's [TS]

  how old I am [TS]

  they were they were a hundred bucks [TS]

  right and I mean you could buy back then [TS]

  you could get a pair of chuck taylors [TS]

  for fifteen dollars so I so I remember [TS]

  what you know kind of waltzing around [TS]

  through that culture and definitely [TS]

  feeling like everybody's got amazing [TS]

  boots and I think the boots that i had [TS]

  they passed muster because they were [TS]

  just thrashed um they were just old but [TS]

  they weren't tall and I think back I [TS]

  think now I'm like even then those boots [TS]

  were probably two hundred dollars two [TS]

  hundred dollars at a time when I was [TS]

  making two hundred dollars a month just [TS]

  a minivan days I don't you well know i [TS]

  was making zero dark zero point zero [TS]

  dollars a month then but like even when [TS]

  I had a job right i mean i-i all the [TS]

  worst thing I was going through a box of [TS]

  papers not very long ago and i found up [TS]

  uncashed paychecks [TS]

  Oh No 1994 for little heart drunk a [TS]

  hundred and fifty dollars that was so [TS]

  much money it was incredible $350 he did [TS]

  it for a reason is oversight fucking [TS]

  idea how how that well this is the thing [TS]

  how would that have ended up in a [TS]

  bombing I definitely have a lot of boxes [TS]

  of papers [TS]

  I you know I have a stack inside the [TS]

  inside the front door [TS]

  I have a stack of cigar boxes that now [TS]

  are that's that's probably a 5-foot tall [TS]

  stack of cigar boxes and there's a cigar [TS]

  box for airplane tickets [TS]

  there's a cigar box for concert tickets [TS]

  there's a cigar box for unused drink [TS]

  tickets because everywhere i go i get [TS]

  paid and drink tickets and I don't drink [TS]

  so i should be able to play your meat [TS]

  stick [TS]

  rather than have those out to people and [TS]

  say like hey everybody i got ten drink [TS]

  tickets why don't you go get yourself an [TS]

  extra drink instead I greedily keep them [TS]

  and I go home and I put you know I [TS]

  probably have $50,000 it just lets get [TS]

  you mentally calculating what you were [TS]

  actually i have i have a separate cigar [TS]

  box for like sports game tickets a cigar [TS]

  box for old IDs a cigar box for other [TS]

  people's ideas that i find you know like [TS]

  looking up and down the stack of cigar [TS]

  boxes there are a lot of different uh oh [TS]

  well I to cigar boxes i have a cigar box [TS]

  for backstage passes that are stickers [TS]

  and then a separate cigar box for [TS]

  backstage passes that our laminate do [TS]

  you smoke that much i will also get [TS]

  another one is just for cigar box so [TS]

  yeah I collect cigar boxes so I'm always [TS]

  out looking for specific boxes but so [TS]

  somehow in one of these cigar boxes i [TS]

  have an uncashed pay stub from the from [TS]

  1994 and I'm like I knew enough I knew [TS]

  enough somehow to put this in a box but [TS]

  not enough to cash it i can't imagine [TS]

  it's one of those like a canary a [TS]

  butterfly in China situation if i had [TS]

  cash that hundred and fifty-five have [TS]

  interest on that would be well I don't [TS]

  think it's I don't think I think it's an [TS]

  email on the compound interest John not [TS]

  it's a thing but what I'm saying is if I [TS]

  had cashed it then if i had an extra [TS]

  hundred and fifty dollars that month in [TS]

  1984 would i be where I am today o.o you [TS]

  might be way down in the hole right or [TS]

  with the decisions I made based on [TS]

  having that extra hundred fifty dollars [TS]

  set me on a separate phone you probably [TS]

  would not have put it into a retirement [TS]

  fund [TS]

  no but I might have bought a who knows [TS]

  and i'm a bottom an ice cream cake I [TS]

  might have a single auger bit I might [TS]

  have bought yeah put a down payment on a [TS]

  pair of logger boots I mean you know [TS]

  what the I got fired one time and I was [TS]

  sitting in a cafe the next day like kind [TS]

  of bemoaning having been fired and my [TS]

  good friend Chris camellia who you know [TS]

  came in sat down he was like you know so [TS]

  you got fired and I was like yep [TS]

  and he said how much money do you have [TS]

  in the bank and i said well i have [TS]

  actually been saving for the last year i [TS]

  got 800 bucks in the bank and he was [TS]

  like what are you gonna do with the 800 [TS]

  bucks and i said i don't know probably [TS]

  drink for a couple of months he was like [TS]

  you're going to take that a hundred [TS]

  bucks and you're just gonna you're just [TS]

  going to sit around not work and just [TS]

  just drink and I was like can you think [TS]

  of something better like yes I'm really [TS]

  looking forward to this summer we really [TS]

  opens up your schedule and he said let's [TS]

  go right now and buy you a guitar and I [TS]

  was like what it was like for 800 bucks [TS]

  you can get a killer guitar and you are [TS]

  always talking about wanting to play [TS]

  music you're always talking about [TS]

  wanting to start a band [TS]

  you don't even have a fucking electric [TS]

  guitar I was like well yeah you're right [TS]

  things like let's go let's get on the [TS]

  bus go to the guitar store buy a guitar [TS]

  and it was such a revolutionary idea I [TS]

  was like okay and we walked out of the [TS]

  cafe got on the bus went to the guitar [TS]

  store and I had never had this [TS]

  I what I had never perceived myself as [TS]

  having this opportunity before and I [TS]

  went down to the trading musician in the [TS]

  university district and I walked in and [TS]

  that blonde rickenbacker what was [TS]

  sitting on a stand inside the door and I [TS]

  was like well I can't afford a record [TS]

  bakr and the price tag said it was from [TS]

  1967 and it was 650 dollars and it had [TS]

  Gibson pickups it and I was like look at [TS]

  that and I picked it up and I played it [TS]

  and Chris was like people create the AFS [TS]

  they were p is but they were like [TS]

  sixties like the late sixties Gibson Wow [TS]

  pickups that somebody had taken out the [TS]

  filter Tron's that came with [TS]

  Rickenbacker's and put these Gibson [TS]

  you know like sixties Gibson's in there [TS]

  and I was like I must have seemed like [TS]

  so much money it was extraordinary was [TS]

  my entire was almost my entire savings [TS]

  and I was like look at this thing and he [TS]

  was like you can buy it right now and i [TS]

  was i put it down and I walked around [TS]

  the store and I spent a couple hours [TS]

  looking at every other guitar and I kept [TS]

  coming back to this rickenbacker he was [TS]

  like and Chris was standing there just [TS]

  like that's the one you want buy it this [TS]

  is what people do with money they buy [TS]

  the thing that they want with it I was [TS]

  like but but but but but it's so much [TS]

  money and this money I could live on [TS]

  this money I could I could I could drink [TS]

  a thousand paps blue ribbons with this [TS]

  month and he was like or you could buy [TS]

  this guitar and i bought it i took it up [TS]

  to the counter and i said i will buy [TS]

  this guitar and it was the first real i [TS]

  think in a way the first real thing i [TS]

  ever bought [TS]

  well and that guitar was the guitar that [TS]

  i started the button family players with [TS]

  and the guitar that i started the [TS]

  Western State hurricanes with and the [TS]

  guitar i started the long winters with [TS]

  and you remember that rickenbacker of [TS]

  course ideally still got it still have [TS]

  it and so that was like know all that [TS]

  because the chris community who would [TS]

  have thought it was chris community [TS]

  saying like do you know what money does [TS]

  are you aware of what other people do [TS]

  with money like you know how money works [TS]

  in the world and I was like I know how [TS]

  money works you put it in a shoe box or [TS]

  a cigar box and you stack it until you [TS]

  have a lot of it and then you look at it [TS]

  and then you'd then you drink your way [TS]

  through it and he said you know I mean [TS]

  the reason the reason it's hard for [TS]

  other people to save money is that they [TS]

  buy the things that they want which [TS]

  obviously like it you don't have that [TS]

  problem but every once in awhile you [TS]

  actually should buy a thing they want [TS]

  and [TS]

  I you know this guitar was like the it [TS]

  was the thing that made it all possible [TS]

  insane [TS]

  yeah yeah yeahs 67 rickenbacker with [TS]

  Gibson pickups they are you pretty sure [TS]

  you remember that correctly [TS]

  yeah well what we should do is get Chris [TS]

  cannula on here see if he can if he [TS]

  validates that story I mean I I think [TS]

  Chris Wood Wood pretty shortly [TS]

  try and steer the story toward the time [TS]

  that I broke into his apartment and put [TS]

  a knife in his chest and told him I was [TS]

  gonna fucking it is like that clip [TS]