Roderick on the Line

Ep. 95: "Cravat Brush Holder Case"

 

  low a John I'm Merlin has gone good 40 [TS]

  where you can say i went to the swimming [TS]

  pool who and I did some swimming [TS]

  wow yeah it's not it's not a thing that [TS]

  i am not a very good swimmer frankly you [TS]

  graceful in the water [TS]

  hi I'm i am i I'm a graceful bobber I'm [TS]

  a good barber but you know when i start [TS]

  to swim [TS]

  it's a combination of like yeah the two [TS]

  things you wouldn't think go together [TS]

  boredom and panic [TS]

  you have no idea how you actually pretty [TS]

  much my whole life how you can be on the [TS]

  verge of panic and yet also bored [TS]

  shitless but that is swimming today [TS]

  that's a whole body exercise yeah that's [TS]

  right it's a body and soul i spend the [TS]

  whole time like you know choking back [TS]

  just a freak out a pure freak out and [TS]

  you have swam my whole life there's no [TS]

  reason I should be such a bad like the [TS]

  psychic the psychology of Swimming's [TS]

  just don't know why you are you actually [TS]

  brilliant [TS]

  no no I think like a stone and I had a [TS]

  couple of experiences one time in Greece [TS]

  I swam out around the you know there was [TS]

  a big there's a big rock big real big [TS]

  rock and I swam out around pass the rock [TS]

  and got out into the into the chop and [TS]

  then i realized i had gone to the moment [TS]

  I realized I had gone too far [TS]

  it was you know it was too late to go [TS]

  back and also too far to go forward and [TS]

  I couldn't and and the waves were [TS]

  hitting the rock i couldn't get up on [TS]

  the rock it was a sheer cliff so I [TS]

  couldn't even like hold onto the rock [TS]

  because the waves were hitting it so [TS]

  hard it was a real [TS]

  the real kind of like yeah really set [TS]

  the tone and you know obviously i [TS]

  drowned and died and this is all a dream [TS]

  this is all the Jacob's Ladder things [TS]

  but a but yeah so anyway but that's that [TS]

  doesn't explain that shit that's [TS]

  everybody's had a near-death experience [TS]

  in the in the waters off mechanic is it [TS]

  is a good word for it [TS]

  yeah i think it's I'm just I'm always [TS]

  pushing it down much just like even in a [TS]

  even it with a ymca swimming pool [TS]

  I'm always pushing down the like talk [TS]

  like this is it i'm gonna take a [TS]

  mouthful of water and by the time they [TS]

  get to me i'm going to be a corpse [TS]

  I am I asking about your buoyancy and [TS]

  that's a personal question because I I I [TS]

  mean I've had was a kid what I've been [TS]

  eating frankly who cutting out the wheat [TS]

  is probably makes me even less buoyant [TS]

  yeah you're probably less bloated you're [TS]

  taking less air that's right let's gasps [TS]

  huh [TS]

  I i took like the is of course you can [TS]

  take to you know do you learn the very [TS]

  basics like there's a Red Cross [TS]

  certified class where you learn how to [TS]

  float and stuff like that and i don't [TS]

  know i'm not a scientist but it seems to [TS]

  me like most people should be plus or [TS]

  minus five percent roughly the same [TS]

  buoyancy wouldn't you think it [TS]

  I mean maybe I don't know what it is i [TS]

  remember them saying that like the sound [TS]

  silly but take a big breath because [TS]

  filling up your lungs make sure more [TS]

  buoyant but like my mother-in-law [TS]

  floating anything she's a little stick [TS]

  of the lady she's like three feet tall [TS]

  and she just she just gets in the water [TS]

  no Raph no nothing 80 years old and she [TS]

  just she floats like a little like a [TS]

  little fishing bobber yeah the water [TS]

  doesn't water now it repels her [TS]

  yes water water resistant the water ones [TS]

  me I'm on the same way at the bottom [TS]

  that wants me it's not even the water oh [TS]

  the waters just the vessel as the medium [TS]

  the bottom wants to be the center of the [TS]

  earth wants me [TS]

  you should read that watchman comic [TS]

  there's a lot of good yeah yeah [TS]

  I'm not now I know you're not a fan of [TS]

  things like being in small places if [TS]

  memory serves [TS]

  do you think about driving it sounds [TS]

  like it's on your mind [TS]

  uh not well you know of all the all the [TS]

  deaths from what I understand once you [TS]

  take the first big mouthful of water [TS]

  while the first big lungs full of water [TS]

  all all reports are that you do you have [TS]

  a have an overwhelming feeling of calm [TS]

  it doesn't hurt anymore and you just [TS]

  yeah nothing find way out really yeah [TS]

  right i mean and so when I think about [TS]

  drowning it's always in it's always in [TS]

  the context of like out the ship has [TS]

  gone down and I Here I am bobbing and [TS]

  how much do I want to live and those [TS]

  guys that those guys that like swim and [TS]

  swim and swim and find a buoy or swim [TS]

  and and you know make make friends with [TS]

  the giant tuna and they create a a raft [TS]

  for him seems like a lot of work right [TS]

  and it's just like how much do I want to [TS]

  live i'm out here in the ocean the first [TS]

  thing that nibbles on my foot like you [TS]

  know I'm gonna have a hard time holding [TS]

  back the desire to just say you know [TS]

  what it's been a good run [TS]

  whoo-hoo and I'm and an understanding [TS]

  that the first big lung full of air for [TS]

  the first big long full of water is like [TS]

  then it all it all just goes away and [TS]

  somehow your body is pre-programmed to [TS]

  drown painlessly you just your back in [TS]

  the womb who it's just we're not [TS]

  designed to be on the internet but dying [TS]

  in water not a problem [TS]

  that's right saltwater out saltwater in [TS]

  boom and then it all you know something [TS]

  in your lizard brain is just like Oh [TS]

  fucking thank God it would really be a [TS]

  dream for me because I'm so good at [TS]

  getting up on things as it is i think i [TS]

  could really be very dignified and that [TS]

  you just surrender and it's I mean think [TS]

  about drowning what a great thing about [TS]

  just like lost at sea not even drowning [TS]

  but like it's epic [TS]

  whatever happened to Merlin nobody else [TS]

  see but i bet he went pretty easy you [TS]

  know he wasn't for a dolphin or tuna [TS]

  baby Jones [TS]

  occur because of what do you do we need [TS]

  to survive on desert island no thanks no [TS]

  thanks four or even you know suffering [TS]

  severe sunburn and being saltwater I'm [TS]

  very sensitive to the Sun doesn't sound [TS]

  good but so for me no drowning their 100 [TS]

  something recently that i think i found [TS]

  very chilling you might have heard if [TS]

  you ever like really read the Heimlich [TS]

  poster you know like when you're working [TS]

  oh no you need to learn that the only [TS]

  Spanish male right it's not even English [TS]

  that's just such a sickening John I'm [TS]

  sorry even hear that [TS]

  no no it's quick look I just I just I'm [TS]

  just skimming now so I died maybe i'm [TS]

  missing the English parts in Vietnamese [TS]

  and Spanish uh-huh okay um I i will eat [TS]

  you read on there like somebody wasn't [TS]

  all joking you know you they're not true [TS]

  they're not choking come on you remember [TS]

  it says you know check can't speak [TS]

  breathe or cough right right so if you [TS]

  say to somebody you know say your name [TS]

  or something like that say my name say [TS]

  my name on a bitch you want help [TS]

  it's when it's when people are going [TS]

  like this i can see you okay [TS]

  you see my hands around my throat right [TS]

  I get it ok here's what I learned from [TS]

  my friend is a lifeguard [TS]

  do you notice about drowning people you [TS]

  think oh you see somebody out there [TS]

  splashing around like they're in Jaws [TS]

  they must be drowning but did you know [TS]

  that a drowning person doesn't move one [TS]

  now listen go do your own due diligence [TS]

  before you decide whether or not to save [TS]

  somebody based on their behavior people [TS]

  go check my facts on this but i'm pretty [TS]

  sure that what lifeguards look for [TS]

  someone who's pretty far out and it's [TS]

  just is maybe like not doing well but [TS]

  they're not flapping around I think that [TS]

  once that water gets in there that's [TS]

  that calmness that you and I are looking [TS]

  for yes the calm that comes over one [TS]

  where you can slip the left guard 20 and [TS]

  just say let's not make a big deal out [TS]

  of this [TS]

  I think of a lifeguard to get to me i [TS]

  would i would at least put up i put up a [TS]

  fight [TS]

  well you know it's hard to save somebody [TS]

  because they fight ya when somebody's [TS]

  legitimate if they're legitimately [TS]

  drowning they will fight that's right [TS]

  the thing is like apology contract so [TS]

  it's not about like what if I was on the [TS]

  Indianapolis [TS]

  like if I was if I was Quint oh god what [TS]

  a great story [TS]

  come on what am I gonna do and how it [TS]

  was that water that's the other thing [TS]

  now you got the cold water situation [TS]

  like with the Titanic have you ever been [TS]

  in water that's like even like 50 [TS]

  degrees 50 degrees you go that's a cool [TS]

  day that sweater weather in San [TS]

  Francisco 50 degrees in the water is so [TS]

  freaking cold one Memorial Day 1978 my [TS]

  friends open their pool in ohio and we [TS]

  were determined to get in this is the [TS]

  first day of the swimming season and we [TS]

  spend like probably six hours trying to [TS]

  get into the water because it was so [TS]

  cold you imagine being in that for like [TS]

  half an hour [TS]

  well as a matter of fact who it's a [TS]

  common practice in Alaska to be in the [TS]

  sauna and to come out of the sauna and [TS]

  run across the snow to the half frozen [TS]

  lake and run it run to the end of the [TS]

  dock and jump in [TS]

  what could possibly go wrong when you [TS]

  are but right at right as the the steam [TS]

  room has become so intolerably hot you [TS]

  can't breathe anymore your entire body [TS]

  is cooking you run down to the end of [TS]

  the document jump into the water which [TS]

  is just on the cusp of freezing see that [TS]

  goes right into that part of my life [TS]

  right everyone have to fill that out on [TS]

  a form and get explain to somebody what [TS]

  i was doing charged with an ice-cold [TS]

  like it was right after I'd been nearly [TS]

  dead from heat [TS]

  what happens in those moments is the [TS]

  shock is so extreme and the things you [TS]

  don't you go to the end of the dock [TS]

  you're not like you're not like [TS]

  tiptoeing into the water you go all we [TS]

  run to the end of the dock and then you [TS]

  are submerged who and the shock is so [TS]

  extraordinary that it blanks out [TS]

  everything that you poop [TS]

  well or something i have never pooped [TS]

  but he's done though you've ever had on [TS]

  this done it multiple times because once [TS]

  you do it once that then you it's it's [TS]

  incredibly addictive and what happens is [TS]

  all goes black like it the shock is so [TS]

  extreme there you you lose [TS]

  however long it takes for you to a [TS]

  minute that's like it's pretty like [TS]

  knocked out she's like knocked the wind [TS]

  out of you kind of feeling it knocks the [TS]

  soul [TS]

  you become an empty vessel for for a few [TS]

  seconds and then it all comes rushing [TS]

  back in and it is like being stabbed [TS]

  with a million needles [TS]

  yeah but its its exceptional it really [TS]

  is so well I'll tell you this about me [TS]

  and this this is going to be [TS]

  contradictory i guess but like if i go [TS]

  to a hotel man and they've got you go to [TS]

  really tricked out Marriott and they've [TS]

  got all of the like locker room [TS]

  facilities i will go in there was no [TS]

  Shana is that an urban dictionary thing [TS]

  and that this together the cult polish [TS]

  on now I i will utilize all of the [TS]

  facilities you can't get that steam hot [TS]

  enough for me even though is it strikes [TS]

  me every year it becomes clear to me how [TS]

  hygienic the steam room is when you [TS]

  really think about it let me tell you i [TS]

  got a pretty bad rash sure that's what [TS]

  is your condition [TS]

  not very long ago that's right haha is [TS]

  that I didn't want to ask i had a [TS]

  feeling it was a rash [TS]

  it was a rash from a steam room going [TS]

  well for me from a spa facility so it [TS]

  was either the hot tubs or the sauna [TS]

  gave me some kind of of bacterium but it [TS]

  wasn't a bacteria because the penicillin [TS]

  didn't work so it was a it was some kind [TS]

  of athletes foot of the body [TS]

  yes I right I told because the thing is [TS]

  I think about now and i don't think i'm [TS]

  up i'm not obsessed with these things [TS]

  but I think about it I know that there [TS]

  are various things various fauna the [TS]

  benefit from the sauna there are various [TS]

  things that if you go into a steam room [TS]

  you think about that that's like a [TS]

  little petri dish and it's dripping [TS]

  hello dripping off of the ceiling [TS]

  yes sano-sama associate fun leases to [TS]

  the dry heat and this on the side you [TS]

  can get us on hot enough for me I like [TS]

  it I like a good and hot [TS]

  but then i'll do that then go jump in [TS]

  the shower and jump it's a real super [TS]

  like middle-class white guy version of [TS]

  jumping in an Alaskan lake [TS]

  yeah my dad used to call that the [TS]

  executive work out how I find it [TS]

  extremely relaxing and it's what got me [TS]

  hooked on this some menthol shower spray [TS]

  I've got now [TS]

  John everything's changed since like [TS]

  something I max product [TS]

  yes yes that's right i got to get [TS]

  squeaky to scrape the ladies off the [TS]

  side menthol showers breath here's what [TS]

  you do it's really easy you can make it [TS]

  home you go out you were just covering [TS]

  yourself with the vicks vapor rub but [TS]

  every chance I get I need so little [TS]

  provocation to slather myself in tiger [TS]

  mom I find it incredibly comforting but [TS]

  a tiger balm was always always my LSD go [TS]

  to oh dude i'm selling your skin right [TS]

  now so when I when I would when I would [TS]

  take LSD I always had a little like a [TS]

  little Bota bag or not a boat back but [TS]

  like a little uh you know little Dopp [TS]

  kit got a chip get a trip get and you [TS]

  gotta have a trick by bubbles know there [TS]

  were no i wasn't a fucking girl that [TS]

  Jon's getting into his bubble I had a [TS]

  you know a pack of camel filters i had [TS]

  eight the weed I had a you know a bottle [TS]

  of water i had a a growth girls beer two [TS]

  girls peers may be an apple I always had [TS]

  tiger balm because when you're really [TS]

  you're really tripping and you're [TS]

  hanging out with some other trippers and [TS]

  you're all just your back to like monkey [TS]

  status we're just sitting there picking [TS]

  nits out of each other's hair [TS]

  one of the great things to do is take a [TS]

  little tiger balm and rub it on rub it [TS]

  on your friends temple-like so you're [TS]

  tripping and you're looking at each [TS]

  other and you're rubbin tiger balm in [TS]

  each other's temples and it's like [TS]

  you'll be careful not to get that in and [TS]

  I well that's the thing yeah you but [TS]

  your beer conscious of the difference [TS]

  between and I a temple no matter how [TS]

  high you are [TS]

  yeah right but its proximity to the I [TS]

  like you feel the mentholatum in the air [TS]

  around your eyeball through pretty heavy [TS]

  stuff who kept trip get there are few [TS]

  other items in there you should i know i [TS]

  know you enjoy bathing this the shower [TS]

  sprays its dynamic I got a recipe off [TS]

  the internet because if you go by the [TS]

  stuff in the store it's really expensive [TS]

  but you know that smell like you go into [TS]

  some kind of environment that kind of [TS]

  menthol sort of smell you are making [TS]

  your own menthol shower spray penny [TS]

  Penny's she hit any court you got a [TS]

  recipe of the internet for getting our [TS]

  bomb shower spray well here's what [TS]

  happened I i got some as a stocking [TS]

  stuffer from a lady last year and i [TS]

  liked it so much I wanted some off [TS]

  amazon turns out what I ordered was dog [TS]

  dog menthol spray is for if you wash [TS]

  your dog and you want to smell good [TS]

  so used all that up i finished it up [TS]

  online office get back to your lady now [TS]

  in my shower because i just bought some [TS]

  shampoo that's that's designed for [TS]

  horses Mane's and Tails I think that's a [TS]

  thing and it works great [TS]

  what's called the main event and I think [TS]

  it might be called mane and tail [TS]

  uh-oh watch yourself hoarse and it's and [TS]

  it came in you know conveniently in a [TS]

  50-gallon drum I've seen this I've seen [TS]

  this [TS]

  yeah all you gotta do and I don't know [TS]

  the exact amount so you know obviously [TS]

  don't do this without doing the due [TS]

  diligence searching the internet but [TS]

  it's you put in a few drops of us [TS]

  especially camp for you can put in some [TS]

  eucalyptus you get the little essential [TS]

  oil in a bottle right just a few drops [TS]

  and then you add in some witch hazel and [TS]

  water if you're in the witch hazel I [TS]

  think you don't have to spend it or [TS]

  something about to shake it shake that [TS]

  up you spray it when you run your super [TS]

  hot shower to get steamy yeah it's like [TS]

  a little spa right in your home and i [TS]

  are you buying like spray bottles at the [TS]

  at the the pack and save and that's a [TS]

  good question i repurposed the the dog [TS]

  spray bottle oh I get you [TS]

  yeah a rough for therapy or something [TS]

  did you go through a phase where the [TS]

  women in your life were all going [TS]

  through a phase where they were making [TS]

  their own bombs soaps medicament and and [TS]

  gels I can't I can't put my hand to one [TS]

  because i think it's a fairly recent [TS]

  phenomenon but i will say that after the [TS]

  dream of making your own jewelry and [TS]

  selling it on etsy I think making [TS]

  unnecessary soap has become a really [TS]

  popular thing about is a lot of soap [TS]

  with little sticks in it now [TS]

  yeah yeah about LLC and i got i was [TS]

  gifted a couple of bars of soap with [TS]

  sticks in it at one of our shows [TS]

  recently from some fans and one of them [TS]

  i'm using right now not right this [TS]

  minute but it's my current bathroom self [TS]

  the other one they had flavor [TS]

  do with patchouli oil a little a little [TS]

  peculiar not a little enough and it came [TS]

  into the house brought it home and came [TS]

  into the house with me and immediately [TS]

  everyone that that uses my house as [TS]

  their common area [TS]

  uh-huh they would walk in the house [TS]

  maybe like what is whoa whoa whoa who [TS]

  who's been here what dreadlocked person [TS]

  has been in your home and I was like oh [TS]

  I think it's this soap this lovely self [TS]

  that I was given as a gift and i would [TS]

  like to use your other bathroom some [TS]

  very nice people and eventually the soap [TS]

  like when people kept putting it in [TS]

  deeper and deeper nesting Tupperware [TS]

  containers until it finally just just [TS]

  nested its way right out of the house [TS]

  and I haven't I haven't seen it I don't [TS]

  have any proof of this but my sense is [TS]

  that just from my own experience there [TS]

  are certain smell related cosmetic [TS]

  things which I would include patchouli [TS]

  musk Drakkar Noir and comic lines that [TS]

  cover the light of session session right [TS]

  that's powerful stuff where something [TS]

  happens and you smell it once especially [TS]

  if your lady you smell it once you put a [TS]

  little on and something happens very [TS]

  quickly that you stopped noticing how [TS]

  much of it you're using I know that's [TS]

  true actually and enter this day I mean [TS]

  I if I it's like if you could smell the [TS]

  patchouli there's too much [TS]

  well and the problem with Calvin Klein's [TS]

  obsession is you never smell it anymore [TS]

  it's always one one girl for me when I [TS]

  smell that for the rest of my life it [TS]

  will always be exactly one woman me too [TS]

  and it's imprinted unfortunately I it [TS]

  imprinted on me in 1987 86 for me those [TS]

  girls name was Maureen lynn and uh it [TS]

  was on her like uh like the class like [TS]

  it was on her like fog in santa cruz [TS]

  like it was it was this is so thick on [TS]

  her [TS]

  I mean she put it on with a trowel and [TS]

  yet and yet now I'll be you know be on [TS]

  public transit i'll be in a strange town [TS]

  and someone who did not get a series of [TS]

  important memos and phone calls telling [TS]

  them to stop wearing calvin klein [TS]

  obsession in the early nineties will [TS]

  walk past I'll smell that smell and I'll [TS]

  be right back [TS]

  I'll be right back at Maureen's feet [TS]

  while she toys with me like a like a a [TS]

  catnip ball and it's 0 don't think you [TS]

  should get to retire fragrances [TS]

  definitely after a certain point i mean [TS]

  i i've enjoyed fragrances for myself in [TS]

  the past but when you look in your [TS]

  little boy you never put on love [TS]

  grandpa's hai karate or something [TS]

  no you know my mom would give me her old [TS]

  makeup and I would wear I would have a [TS]

  makeup kit I got a little purse and I [TS]

  didn't want to wear how old were you [TS]

  well this is the thing and what I when I [TS]

  think back to the seventies and I [TS]

  imagine like my mom and all of the [TS]

  people in my family and me like that [TS]

  it's old make it like that it's like a [TS]

  compact with just a little bit of stuff [TS]

  yeah the lipstick that was like down to [TS]

  it now the eyeshadow eyeliner that all [TS]

  the stuff and and I would make myself [TS]

  beautiful until I was probably 800 you [TS]

  could you could have got a couple more [TS]

  years out of that but you stopped at a [TS]

  good time I stop that I think what [TS]

  happened was I moved [TS]

  I'm i went to live with my dad when I [TS]

  was still well yeah between eight and [TS]

  ten and I didn't have access to the [TS]

  makeup anymore but my makeup kit my bag [TS]

  of makeup was one of my prized [TS]

  possessions and I would play dress-up [TS]

  and i would get I would make my face up [TS]

  and and I I cannot imagine that that [TS]

  wasn't causing a little bit of concern [TS]

  core or at least a little bit of like um [TS]

  I I imagine everyone was very interested [TS]

  in what was what i was talking like 19 [TS]

  7676 yeah but my mom when my mom was [TS]

  very encouraging [TS]

  she always whenever she got to the end [TS]

  of some makeup and there was just just [TS]

  the you know the last little bit of [TS]

  energy she decided she didn't like a [TS]

  color that was another thing she decided [TS]

  that has a certain color of lipstick or [TS]

  eyeshadow didn't work for you know i [TS]

  would get the anasso my makeup kit i had [TS]

  tons and tons of options and and I I [TS]

  remember looking back at it later in my [TS]

  twenties and realizing no one ever said [TS]

  a thing about it or looked at me [TS]

  sideways or made any kind of of untoward [TS]

  comment and I just happily verbal along [TS]

  making myself pretty dressing and you [TS]

  know I would wear the high-heeled shoes [TS]

  and the feather boas and parade around [TS]

  and you know and then just I mean these [TS]

  days I I I would be concerned that they [TS]

  would they would sign me up for sex [TS]

  reassignment surgery uh-huh but at the [TS]

  time it was just like I just one day I [TS]

  guess I i mean i was i was a I don't [TS]

  want to sound like Macklemore here but i [TS]

  was playing with guns and stuff too but [TS]

  it's not to say that women don't play [TS]

  with guns soon you know what I'm saying [TS]

  no in any case [TS]

  yeah it was a chance to get became less [TS]

  interesting and kind of went away you [TS]

  think it's because of going to your dads [TS]

  that you re i think i just didn't I [TS]

  wasn't i didn't have my makeup with me [TS]

  anymore I'd never became less [TS]

  interesting in fact I the other day did [TS]

  I was watching a sean connery movie [TS]

  which is to say russia house [TS]

  was watching russia house and throughout [TS]

  the movie Sean Connery is playing this [TS]

  sort of exaggerated character that is in [TS]

  some ways like maybe a just a just a [TS]

  slightly drunker me 10 years from now [TS]

  and I'm watching it and I'm like why is [TS]

  sean connery so beautiful even at 60 [TS]

  years old [TS]

  why is he so compelling why do I want to [TS]

  look at his face [TS]

  what is it about Sean Connery's face and [TS]

  I realized Sean Connery has very [TS]

  interesting eyebrows huh [TS]

  Mikey's he's got he's got [TS]

  salt-and-pepper beard he's got [TS]

  salt-and-pepper hair in this film but [TS]

  his eyebrows are like two fuzzy South [TS]

  American caterpillars and so I'm sitting [TS]

  watching this movie and I'm thinking you [TS]

  know what my eyebrows are really blonde [TS]

  oh this you're right it is he has [TS]

  beautiful eyes and he has amazing [TS]

  eyebrows fantastic eyebrows and then I [TS]

  think I'm reflecting on my own face as [TS]

  I'm watching russia house and I'm [TS]

  realizing my eyebrows are barely visible [TS]

  if you looked at me from across the room [TS]

  you wouldn't even think i had eyebrows [TS]

  and here i am I got I got a [TS]

  salt-and-pepper beard I got the salt and [TS]

  pepper coming in my hair but my eyebrows [TS]

  have never they never came in basically [TS]

  my eyebrows never fully like arrived [TS]

  they just stayed this sort of blonde was [TS]

  be nothing that's why I've always said [TS]

  this to you more than more than my dad [TS]

  more than anybody I've ever known who [TS]

  looks different with the glasses off [TS]

  you look so different with your glasses [TS]

  off right because the glass you're [TS]

  almost unrecognizable your eyes are [TS]

  completely different yeah the glasses [TS]

  frames give me some eyebrow em they put [TS]

  some black contrast around my eyes and [TS]

  without it it's just it's just like a [TS]

  sandstorm from from my hairline to my [TS]

  you know to my tie [TS]

  basically it's just a it's like a it's [TS]

  like some dishwater [TS]

  that is being poured into some into a [TS]

  bowl Sam and so would like to have a [TS]

  margarine so I was like paused the movie [TS]

  and I got up and I went into the [TS]

  bathroom and I found a marker and I drew [TS]

  some eyebrows on myself and then I [TS]

  looked really different and looked uh I [TS]

  i well like on a discomforting Lee [TS]

  different and so I walked around for the [TS]

  rest of the day with these like marked [TS]

  in eyebrows and it was that there's a [TS]

  little bit of like Groucho Marx going on [TS]

  whoo-hoo um I couldn't quite decide that [TS]

  but anyways all by way of saying i don't [TS]

  think i ever did stop wanting to play [TS]

  with makeup i think i would still play [TS]

  with makeup if if I didn't you know I [TS]

  didn't have to represent all these punk [TS]

  rock ethics that I you know that I [TS]

  basically personified the culture who [TS]

  applied like a guy who doesn't trust his [TS]

  hair whatever as you said that I mean [TS]

  now first I googled pictures of Sean [TS]

  Connery and and he has absolutely [TS]

  amazing eyebrows it looks like their [TS]

  looks like they might be a very slight [TS]

  bit i coughed I think they're to do I [TS]

  think they haven't he dies his eyebrows [TS]

  and I think 30 styles as eyebrows [TS]

  ok ok and then some reason I started [TS]

  thinking of josh's character in JFK haha [TS]

  very right with the fake the figure go [TS]

  google David Ferrie w shaved his [TS]

  eyebrows hey literally what is alopecia [TS]

  that's a good question no no I he go [TS]

  search for David Ferrie to rie and you [TS]

  can see it looks like he essentially [TS]

  their actual guy looks like he pretty [TS]

  much took like a sharpie [TS]

  like a kind of sharpie that you use for [TS]

  like graffiti and just and gave himself [TS]

  a little frowns above his eyes [TS]

  Oh pop-up box its you have to their ears [TS]

  its distinctive you're looking at the [TS]

  actual guy right those eyes really stand [TS]

  out so here they pop if he did not have [TS]

  those eyebrows he would not be nearly as [TS]

  handsome [TS]

  wow wow that's a hell of a look zoom so [TS]

  so yeah so I so so I've been thinking [TS]

  like well now on the scale on the [TS]

  continuum of middle-aged male vanity [TS]

  where does dying ones eyebrows full ah [TS]

  that's a good that's a good question [TS]

  you know what I mean it's not like [TS]

  getting it's not like getting of fancy [TS]

  haircut it's not like spending a bunch [TS]

  of money on brown shoes well and let's [TS]

  go to the obvious ones it's not like [TS]

  getting something like a chemical peel [TS]

  right point omniscient ucky exactly [TS]

  talks as they call it [TS]

  who but dying my eyebrows would be a [TS]

  tremendous for some people it would it [TS]

  would be no it would be actually be a [TS]

  step back in the male vanity a hallway [TS]

  but for me it would be a giant leap for [TS]

  a guy who cuts his own hair and shave [TS]

  dry with a 99-cent razor to put coloring [TS]

  in his eyebrows to give his face more [TS]

  definition it just feels like a it's too [TS]

  it's too vain and yet I feel like God [TS]

  rip me off a little bit [TS]

  no no question but these with these non [TS]

  eyebrows like of all the things [TS]

  yeah I mean it's great to have a [TS]

  distinctive face [TS]

  I mean there has to be a kind of a [TS]

  combination of angles and softness and [TS]

  proportion and symmetry and all these [TS]

  kinds of things and so people who have [TS]

  slight they say like a weak chin for [TS]

  example or don't have much in the way of [TS]

  cheekbones right can make it seem like [TS]

  your face doesn't really have a frame to [TS]

  it [TS]

  yeah I said what you're saying is with [TS]

  this with this ice water being poured [TS]

  into a bowl of sand or whatever it is [TS]

  you feel like there's there's not enough [TS]

  clarity about where the top of your head [TS]

  is officially starting precisely and [TS]

  the thing is you know i would rather I [TS]

  would rather have a no eyebrows than a [TS]

  week chin [TS]

  let's just go on record there i could [TS]

  give up much in but uh but like eyebrows [TS]

  seem like a small thing as as you know [TS]

  as the great as the great chemist in the [TS]

  sky is putting all the little droppers [TS]

  of stuff into a into his cauldron and [TS]

  making a guy like he's got the eyebrow [TS]

  dropper and he's like man not this guy [TS]

  like that seems a little bit but first I [TS]

  just want to get out there i think this [TS]

  is well in the range of acceptable [TS]

  suitor vanity for a man of your age [TS]

  you're really enjoying being I'm being [TS]

  totally serious and i'll tell you one [TS]

  reason why it's not obvious that's going [TS]

  to be very much one of those things like [TS]

  when you get new glasses and people go [TS]

  what's different about you is in your [TS]

  haircut [TS]

  nobody's gonna think to go did you paint [TS]

  on your eyebrows right or did you did [TS]

  you do something to enhance your [TS]

  eyebrows did you get an eyebrow weave or [TS]

  something i don't think most people [TS]

  especially other men are going to notice [TS]

  at all now other men wouldn't notice [TS]

  applies if I started wearing an Indian [TS]

  headdress everywhere I want but right [TS]

  one down [TS]

  I had a friend i have a friend that back [TS]

  in the nineties he was a gay man who was [TS]

  about 10 years older than me his name is [TS]

  Frank and he was a Basque and his last [TS]

  name was spelt with a series of X's and [TS]

  tease and eyes and it was a to it that [TS]

  the actual pronunciation of it was just [TS]

  like just sounded like some italian name [TS]

  but to look at it spelled it just looked [TS]

  like somebody had had just thrown down [TS]

  some you know somebody was changing the [TS]

  marquee at a movie theater and they just [TS]

  threw down all the X's on the ground and [TS]

  this guy his name is Frank and he had [TS]

  absolutely the reddest hair red eye [TS]

  lashes red eyebrows read everything and [TS]

  he's a handsome flamboyant guy and one [TS]

  day I'm walking down the street and he [TS]

  was a well-known character in seattle [TS]

  walking down the street and this guy [TS]

  walks up to me and grabbed [TS]

  me by the shirt he goes hey and I was [TS]

  like get off me strange person and it [TS]

  was frank who had died his hair black [TS]

  but had gone the extra mile and had died [TS]

  not only his eyebrows but had died his [TS]

  eyelashes black oh he's a completist [TS]

  plans good at what i mean and Jesse's [TS]

  he's the he's cool he's committed he [TS]

  leans in and he you know he's like it's [TS]

  me and I went oh my god damn heat and [TS]

  the first thing he wanted to show me [TS]

  with his eyelashes seems like look at my [TS]

  eyelashes and she was utterly a [TS]

  different person a transformation that [TS]

  and you know and I i honestly think if i [TS]

  just colored my eyebrows I could [TS]

  disappear into a crowd and my best [TS]

  friend wouldn't recognize him i took my [TS]

  glasses off died my eyebrows I wouldn't [TS]

  have to change another thing you have it [TS]

  you know it's there and the thing is BP [TS]

  would not just wouldn't register is the [TS]

  cool part people just know John looks [TS]

  better [TS]

  we're not sure why it's probably because [TS]

  he cut out the wheat me right [TS]

  uh-huh John cut out the wheat and his [TS]

  eyebrows filled-in you think she [TS]

  actually i see i'm telling you i don't [TS]

  think i don't think they would notice i [TS]

  don't think they would be able to pay it [TS]

  i think it would be completely [TS]

  perplexing to them it would just be like [TS]

  you look rested [TS]

  I bet you look here's the thing you get [TS]

  contrast now right you're gonna look so [TS]

  rested you know you look at you look [TS]

  lonely sandwich he's got some good [TS]

  eyebrows I could everything you know Dan [TS]

  Benjamin big big eyebrows over a lot of [TS]

  the people you work with our eyebrow [TS]

  people hadn't thought about this and [TS]

  then me I'm like some kind of like like [TS]

  eyebrow desert [TS]

  I don't understand it's got some small [TS]

  part of John thinking why not mean how [TS]

  come I didn't get the eyedropper [TS]

  literally mhm [TS]

  I i think it's i think it's a terrific [TS]

  idea i think it's something you could [TS]

  start very modestly you could explode as [TS]

  with your mom your mom's a hand-me-down [TS]

  makeup you can experiment around the [TS]

  house while you're preparing a meal you [TS]

  can just try it on see if it's not too [TS]

  heavy [TS]

  well but here's the thing I there are a [TS]

  lot of so a lot of guys come up to me in [TS]

  there that you know that we've talked [TS]

  about this before they're insecure about [TS]

  their beards [TS]

  oh yeah and I get a lot of young guys [TS]

  with light beards wispy beard who think [TS]

  that a little hare Club for Men or [TS]

  whatever the best performance and [TS]

  surround us to get the stuff the like [TS]

  that precisely right or it's basically a [TS]

  graphite from a pencil you can get your [TS]

  beard right uh yeah that's the stuff the [TS]

  chuck norris and Steven Segal use where [TS]

  it's like your rides a sudden their [TS]

  beard looks like they were like giving [TS]

  cunnilingus to a cat and then face was [TS]

  covered with mentholatum you know where [TS]

  their it you know it is chuck norris's [TS]

  beard but it's clearly they took nor is [TS]

  literally eating pussy haha his beer [TS]

  his spirit is the fake check horses [TS]

  fake-looking but his beard is the fake [TS]

  is looking thing about him and I'm gonna [TS]

  get it as with the two-page we talked [TS]

  about its it's way too dark and ample [TS]

  it's too it's too pushy but it's really [TS]

  it's way too dark for man of his age [TS]

  Zach exactly and the problem but being a [TS]

  young guy who puts that paint in his [TS]

  beard is the same problem you all of a [TS]

  sudden you've got a beard that is that's [TS]

  completely implausible [TS]

  yeah you need your young person and if [TS]

  you have a blond beard it it it is [TS]

  evident in your eyes that your beard is [TS]

  blonde you can you can diet but your [TS]

  eyes betray the blonde the blondeness at [TS]

  yours at your Center and I'm worried [TS]

  that the blondeness that's still at my [TS]

  center will be evident over and so the [TS]

  the ruse of the eyebrows will at the [TS]

  game will be up even a stranger would [TS]

  look at me and say there's something [TS]

  blonder about you than you're repping [TS]

  well I you know you're a thinker I can't [TS]

  stop that but i think this could be a [TS]

  really valuable experiment experiment [TS]

  all you really need [TS]

  see I don't even know what to say which [TS]

  make up to get but i'm telling you if [TS]

  you had one lady who you trust [TS]

  we're right there right there right [TS]

  what if it was about that but but here's [TS]

  the thing and somebody who's good with [TS]

  makeup i can think of at least one lady [TS]

  you know that I know he's very [TS]

  attractive in it has great backup and [TS]

  and somebody you trust who could do it [TS]

  gradually and with the right color so it [TS]

  wasn't too much because here's the [TS]

  problem we get back to the Calvin Klein [TS]

  problem is now you may not know you [TS]

  might start going like oh this looks [TS]

  pretty great i should get a bigger hair [TS]

  hat let go you know what I mean and you [TS]

  you get so it's it's a it's a form of [TS]

  personal fetishization we're going like [TS]

  oh you know I look good with my teeth on [TS]

  yellowed I should get them whiter I [TS]

  should get I should get veneers put on I [TS]

  should get these giant choppers that are [TS]

  blindingly white and obviously take [TS]

  giant veneers where you can see the you [TS]

  can see the small yellow rotten tooth [TS]

  behind that guy like different but um [TS]

  yeah that right i mean you know a little [TS]

  bit of color in your eyebrows looks [TS]

  great and then all of a sudden I'm [TS]

  walking around and I you know I've got [TS]

  like a three finger eyebrows on either [TS]

  side you know exactly is that height [TS]

  there are three fingers right [TS]

  oh you brought a modern loosely me and [TS]

  it looks like Groucho you look like you [TS]

  have grease paint the shiny I break-ups [TS]

  well I feel like I feel like I need to [TS]

  do something about this i don't know [TS]

  whether it's that I thought I start [TS]

  wearing a run DMC glasses or that that I [TS]

  mean like I feel like maybe a glasses [TS]

  yeah no glasses where it just makes me [TS]

  just gives me recognize or whether i [TS]

  need to start doing my eyebrows a little [TS]

  bit you know [TS]

  yeah i just want to say John I would say [TS]

  step away from having any trepidation [TS]

  about this dive into this have some fun [TS]

  with that you are you are literally a [TS]

  performer [TS]

  this is part of your work oh true true [TS]

  true this could be excused Swift [TS]

  surrounding so should i be pretty today [TS]

  now she know she should be pretty you [TS]

  should die you should dive into this [TS]

  with gusto [TS]

  you could you could probably you know [TS]

  you might be you know what you could [TS]

  maybe get like I don't like Maybelline [TS]

  or a max factor or mary kay you know [TS]

  like apologies to get it free Chuck's [TS]

  maybe you could get some makeup [TS]

  well I've thought about this in another [TS]

  context which is the [TS]

  the mod haircut [TS]

  here's the thing about the mod haircut i [TS]

  mean like i like a Caesar come over and [TS]

  I'm talking about like a like a Style [TS]

  Council haircut like a floopy haircut [TS]

  um stop council who right now i'm [TS]

  thinking i can't decide if i'm thinking [TS]

  more like the guy from suede or like [TS]

  Keith Moon I its it well don't you don't [TS]

  you want floopy pseudo goth locks no [TS]

  think about Ron Wood em in 7d before he [TS]

  joined the stone like a shag like a [TS]

  share the paul weller maybe five years [TS]

  ago John a paul weller in well under you [TS]

  and I are well into the age where we [TS]

  need to think carefully about shaggy [TS]

  hair [TS]

  yeah no I know this is the thing but I [TS]

  never really had that you look tired [TS]

  it makes you look tired i feel like it [TS]

  does make you look tired but I can't [TS]

  decide whether it's just that people in [TS]

  the middle age you are still wearing a [TS]

  shag haircut are actually just tired [TS]

  like they feel like maybe those are the [TS]

  tired people [TS]

  yeah because I just don't trust my own [TS]

  instincts you can hear me being trying [TS]

  to be circumspect about this because I [TS]

  know like I I'm hey I'm to use your [TS]

  words a grotesquerie like I when I went [TS]

  in today and I got my eyes examined and [TS]

  got some new glasses are making for me [TS]

  and egg every single pair of glasses I [TS]

  put on look asinine still not nearly as [TS]

  good as the ones my sister-in-law [TS]

  throwaway nothing i'm angry but but [TS]

  every every pair of glasses I put on I [TS]

  looked like somebody who wanted to be a [TS]

  danish architect for halloween [TS]

  yes that was 60 yes you know they're all [TS]

  very angular and Nordic or something [TS]

  I and I just I'm afraid that if i get if [TS]

  i got a shaggy haircut like pretty soon [TS]

  i would be on the robert evans path like [TS]

  I would start like moisturizing it's [TS]

  right it's very Robin boys arises if you [TS]

  can say to I moisturize I could see [TS]

  moisturizing I don't even [TS]

  I think I think lack of moisturizing is [TS]

  maybe a problem for me because I i have [TS]

  I IH I get it just uh huh and the way [TS]

  that I solve my itch problem is that i [TS]

  put super hot scalding water on the the [TS]

  place where I hid genric I can't even [TS]

  tell you how much hydrogen peroxide I'm [TS]

  going through at this point I and it's a [TS]

  wonderful [TS]

  hi rush engines my game your you got me [TS]

  into that burning now and I I can't look [TS]

  back i use it on every part of my body I [TS]

  use a mouthwash probably three or four [TS]

  times a day and it foams and it burns [TS]

  that you know working [TS]

  yes but the problem the problem is i [TS]

  went into the doctor and and I said I so [TS]

  i'm using a lot of hot scalding water [TS]

  and a lot of hydrogen peroxide to get [TS]

  your my head it's 1920s took yer pretty [TS]

  much all of my problem because in my [TS]

  head I met i'm at a catalog facility [TS]

  theory and they are giving me weird [TS]

  times I thought you meant the bowels and [TS]

  yea even a lot of steel cut oats and [TS]

  scolding myself and pouring hydrogen [TS]

  peroxide into the woods and the doctor [TS]

  said well as it occurred to you that you [TS]

  are using I mean that hot scalding water [TS]

  and hydrogen peroxide both dry your skin [TS]

  against skin Socrates you maybe you may [TS]

  be experiencing itching because because [TS]

  of the treatments that you're giving [TS]

  yourself the unauthorized treatments and [TS]

  maybe what you should do instead is [TS]

  moisturize and I was like what is this [TS]

  an estee lauder emergency room [TS]

  I don't want to moisturize I don't want [TS]

  to become a guy who moisturizes but then [TS]

  I walked out of there and I was like is [TS]

  this this is this is another right I [TS]

  side of middle C I and this is the thing [TS]

  with me and maybe it's like he maybe [TS]

  it's like you and that unopened bottle [TS]

  of whiskey like it's their right for me [TS]

  like a friend of mine for I can for like [TS]

  a stocking stuffer gift-giving some [TS]

  keels cream [TS]

  yeah it was really it felt really good [TS]

  well sure that's how they get you you [TS]

  know I'm trying to I'm trying to go the [TS]

  other [TS]

  Eunice's isn't you too it's real and [TS]

  it's not even like I'm over a masculine [TS]

  anything it's just complexity thing if [TS]

  they don't want to and it's expensive [TS]

  it's very very costly hot water is [TS]

  negligible and costs even even during a [TS]

  drought and then then you become a guy [TS]

  who's like oh I can't go on that trip I [TS]

  forgot my crazy i forgot my cream i'm [TS]

  sorry i can't go walk to the top of the [TS]

  of the hill with you I have to go to [TS]

  town to get some more cream because [TS]

  without it I am i I'm a sobbing wreck [TS]

  we're going to have to catch a later [TS]

  funicular haha him I have to go pick up [TS]

  some creepy and propped up now in my in [TS]

  my old age i propped up by cream and a [TS]

  girdle and now you ever done that my [TS]

  eyebrow pencils I'm telling you man I've [TS]

  you boy up and they hold a back brace [TS]

  and make you feel real slender know what [TS]

  you're losing weight now because the [TS]

  week ready story continuing to lose [TS]

  weight or have you sort of most people [TS]

  get to a certain point and then they [TS]

  hang in the same plus or minus five six [TS]

  pound area [TS]

  yeah I have plateaued i have plateaued [TS]

  at what was formerly my fat weight like [TS]

  until I was 35 [TS]

  I had a weight i had a top wait oh I [TS]

  know what you mean an apology [TS]

  yep yep and I never got to the thai hard [TS]

  hardly ever got to the top way when I [TS]

  did I was ashamed of Who and I was [TS]

  always striving to get back to the [TS]

  bottom way and I never quite got there [TS]

  but then sometime in my forties I went [TS]

  screaming past my top weight just like [TS]

  top-down stereo on hair blowing in the [TS]

  wind Nana the top weight was in the [TS]

  review beer I was flipping double birds [TS]

  i was peeing in a milk carton heading [TS]

  down the highway and so when I stopped [TS]

  eating wheat I like lost all that like [TS]

  secondary top-weight AJ stop way to [TS]

  jason's who top-weight annex and then I [TS]

  got back to like top-weight neighborhood [TS]

  and then i stalled and the wait wait [TS]

  stop going off and I started like cheat [TS]

  day started being [TS]

  cheat weekend started being cheated you [TS]

  know yeah but the thing is when I eat [TS]

  wheat I still feel to Harrow that's it [TS]

  that's it for me [TS]

  yeah I taken off some weight because I'd [TS]

  pretty much I did several I've done [TS]

  several health related things that I [TS]

  thought I needed to do getting more [TS]

  sleep [TS]

  trying to eat a lot more protein and you [TS]

  know here's the thing i mean it's cool [TS]

  yeah you know again back to the food for [TS]

  happy new year but you guys been so long [TS]

  since we've talked about it but for me [TS]

  it's real simple like I don't want to [TS]

  get into a thing I don't have the cycles [TS]

  or the interest to dive into something a [TS]

  totally bananas diet with a brand name [TS]

  all I do is to everything I can to avoid [TS]

  we accept when I can't and to eat stuff [TS]

  with as much protein as possible i'm not [TS]

  really worried about how much fat is in [TS]

  it it's just if stuff like like begin [TS]

  like beef jerky or things like that has [TS]

  just blood tons of protein in it and it [TS]

  will give you energy looking oh that's a [TS]

  snack but if you eat that you will feel [TS]

  better [TS]

  whereas if i go on to sit down I'm going [TS]

  to tuck into this two pounds of fucking [TS]

  chow mein and I feel like shit like that [TS]

  KFC now I'm out for like two days [TS]

  yep yep and i'm i'm the same but but i'm [TS]

  no longer i'm no longer accruing to [TS]

  myself all of the like what I what I was [TS]

  kind of what I was smugly calling the [TS]

  tangential benefits like oh I didn't [TS]

  quit eating way to lose weight quickly [TS]

  week because blood is a middle-aged man [TS]

  yeah I quit because of bullshit but then [TS]

  it turned into real and also i'm losing [TS]

  weight and now i'm not doing that [TS]

  anymore and now it just feels like i [TS]

  have a medical condition and i'm back in [TS]

  a fucking brace I'm back I'm back in a [TS]

  I'm back I'm back in my polio crutches [TS]

  and now now it's like I'm still a fat [TS]

  guy but i can't eat spaghetti anymore [TS]

  Oh No so anyways so the other day i was [TS]

  that that's terrible for a fact that [TS]

  it's not good that guys love spaghetti [TS]

  that guy if you get back i can't eat [TS]

  spaghetti what kind of fact I do so I [TS]

  was at the mall the other day for a [TS]

  totally different reason [TS]

  and I noticed that the more buying cream [TS]

  i was that was not buying cream i was at [TS]

  the mall because you know I'm a family [TS]

  man and family men are required to go to [TS]

  the mall food by the police and i went [TS]

  there and I saw that there was an LA [TS]

  fitness at the local mall and I became [TS]

  curious about what an LA fitness is what [TS]

  it represents [TS]

  uh-huh so I went and I looked it is a it [TS]

  is a chain of this is superficial and [TS]

  only pretends to like it if it's a yeah [TS]

  it's a fit its fitness place that is [TS]

  stuck in traffic for two hours just a [TS]

  locked door that's his call me sometime [TS]

  and and so now I am toying with the idea [TS]

  of joining a fitness club Bob Lee and [TS]

  then going and then we'll be talking [TS]

  about exercise are you gonna get bulky [TS]

  don't get bulky John i don't i don't [TS]

  think i think you know i have that skin [TS]

  that doesn't am good because i do not [TS]

  like looking at extremely fit all guys [TS]

  I'd rather see a saggy old guy and [TS]

  somebody with saggy old guy skin who [TS]

  happens to have muscle pumps horrifying [TS]

  using the chest of a muscular man [TS]

  horrifying [TS]

  yeah I mean it's not like the chest of a [TS]

  muscular old guys anything to write home [TS]

  well but at least its natural thing [TS]

  about old people is the Paraclete tell [TS]

  you I mean listen I'm looking at a [TS]

  picture of paul weller right now and his [TS]

  skin is the color of oxblood I mean he [TS]

  is he is literally a court oven shoe [TS]

  according to shoot from that is a [TS]

  quarter-inch it has a quarter inch of [TS]

  the face he has like a fringe of hair in [TS]

  in like salt and pepper [TS]

  that looks like somebody put a sham [TS]

  while on his head but he looks awesome [TS]

  he looks amazing but it was like he [TS]

  looks like somebody left them out in the [TS]

  Sun a little too i mean just in the [TS]

  sense of he looks like he's a little [TS]

  raisiny well he does and if you don't [TS]

  sure I guarantee you it would look like [TS]

  somebody somebody hung two persons on a [TS]

  tree [TS]

  not good what if you can tell your [TS]

  trainer that's what you're looking for [TS]

  yeah somebody hung two small brown [TS]

  percent on a trip by the thinking more [TS]

  like guys like to evening bags nothing [TS]

  ostentatious but something to keep keep [TS]

  the cream in but he looks great [TS]

  he's graduating without didn't Nick Lowe [TS]

  and I'd known it low i'm gonna guess i'm [TS]

  gonna guess you know he's rich right we [TS]

  talked about the scene it was Richard [TS]

  Nixon logarithm never believed in a [TS]

  million years he wrote uh didn't get [TS]

  rich from using steam no no even better [TS]

  like what is the path to fame today I [TS]

  just like for example you make anything [TS]

  up the OC soundtrack [TS]

  oh yeah he has a song on the bodyguard [TS]

  soundtrack [TS]

  yeah rising tide raises all those boom [TS]

  yep so he can do what he wants now [TS]

  because he's on the fucking bodyguard [TS]

  soundtrack right and that was like the [TS]

  most advanced properties yes precisely [TS]

  yeah yeah that happened to the posies [TS]

  are you all rested powers know they had [TS]

  that song on reality bites soundtrack [TS]

  oh you're kidding me and the reality [TS]

  bites soundtrack for whatever what it [TS]

  was it represented at that moment in [TS]

  time I think that people wanted to buy I [TS]

  don't know I thought it was like [TS]

  Soundgarden e-meter jami I don't know I [TS]

  never that's awesome that's so that's so [TS]

  great so that's that that's how they can [TS]

  afford that luxury that they enjoy yeah [TS]

  right exactly so they you know i think [TS]

  that i think i think they have a extra [TS]

  cash Chris blue says he's thinking of [TS]

  retiring getting into the check-cashing [TS]

  business [TS]

  oh here's a picture of paul weller with [TS]

  a with a fat Tommy [TS]

  Oh something's going on with Paul keep [TS]

  sucks [TS]

  oh with the purple shirt purple shirt is [TS]

  local chubby how he's getting that old [TS]

  lesbian look yet but he does the quick [TS]

  an old lesbian he looks like he's a [TS]

  singer of the psychedelic furs [TS]

  there is that one tumblr what is it old [TS]

  man who looked like lesbians or [TS]

  something like that [TS]

  yeah I I got to the last page i looked [TS]

  at every single page and i was sad when [TS]

  i got to the end it might've been a [TS]

  blogspot thing but you know I gotta say [TS]

  nothing against paul well I am a fan I'm [TS]

  a big-time sure but like I he kind of [TS]

  looks like a lot of these photos it [TS]

  looks a little bit like he had a [TS]

  makeover for a time like you got it you [TS]

  know what I'm saying this is again [TS]

  nothing to disparage him he looks great [TS]

  but it looks like he put this look [TS]

  together for a while and that it was [TS]

  hard to sustain that haircut is not a [TS]

  haircut is not gonna take care of itself [TS]

  you don't get that thing cut every two [TS]

  weeks yeah yeah well I and that's the [TS]

  thing it's a signature look so he can't [TS]

  he can't get away from it you know what [TS]

  I mean like it's not like paul weller [TS]

  can just start wearing his hair like a [TS]

  normal guy [TS]

  yeah if there's there's an expectation [TS]

  that he's going to show up in that hair [TS]

  and that is a thing I have always tried [TS]

  to avoid in my own case not that I'm [TS]

  under the same pressure that Paul Weller [TS]

  is under to represent well but you know [TS]

  like whatever people say whenever people [TS]

  start talking about my beard too much I [TS]

  shave it off just to be difficult and [TS]

  the the problem with that of course is [TS]

  that as i get older i don't want to [TS]

  shave my beard anymore it's just too [TS]

  much just to recognizing over and [TS]

  whenever I go to Europe people are in [TS]

  that European way they're always really [TS]

  happy to tell me like you should never [TS]

  shave your beards you look a lot better [TS]

  without some ways to get your face is [TS]

  not as good and sweet tribute it's [TS]

  probably it's probably a very very long [TS]

  german word for beard Shape this shut up [TS]

  you people [TS]

  yeah i'm sure there is and i'm sure they [TS]

  have said it to me and I i'm already [TS]

  looking at the next person in the [TS]

  Merchant I don't want to belabor this a [TS]

  physical appearance issue but it is this [TS]

  kind of the sort of haircut you're [TS]

  thinking about well know now that i see [TS]

  it on something vanderslice ii kinda [TS]

  Paul vanderslice you know what what's [TS]

  interesting about it when you really [TS]

  look at those haircuts is they're very [TS]

  choppy like they're they are they're a [TS]

  little too like I remember when [TS]

  vanderslice first started to cut his [TS]

  hair really [TS]

  really hip really young and I felt like [TS]

  30 you know he's not he's not and and I [TS]

  felt looks good looks real good [TS]

  he does look good but that but my [TS]

  initial feeling was that it was a little [TS]

  too chair noble like its it seemed like [TS]

  somebody got a little too many red we're [TS]

  just glad you're alive i think what I'm [TS]

  thinking of is ron wood or I'm thinking [TS]

  of caregiving of Keith Richards it's [TS]

  like 70 Sarah faces Iran would like but [TS]

  spiky spiky but long time he looked like [TS]

  Elvira I could find my friend i will i'm [TS]

  afraid that the the part of me that [TS]

  wants to be Keith Richards in 77 it was [TS]

  gonna get this is like by this is like [TS]

  buying a Corvette it's going to right at [TS]

  the point where I finally like feel like [TS]

  I've earned the right or I i can finally [TS]

  you know I in my mind I can pull it off [TS]

  I will already be so far past be able to [TS]

  pull it off and i will just I'll just [TS]

  look like such a dope and also keith [TS]

  richards great eyebrows who and you know [TS]

  and black hair like I don't have those [TS]

  things [TS]

  well let us talk about the elephant in [TS]

  the room if you got these color to a [TS]

  point where people could tell that you [TS]

  have eyes do you think you do you see [TS]

  yourself doing any shaping maybe of the [TS]

  eyebrows oh yeah I mean I'm not saying [TS]

  you go nuts and the same goal David [TS]

  Ferrie but do you see yourself you know [TS]

  doing some doing some manscaping of your [TS]

  eyebrows you can get a great look you [TS]

  get like Ashley Judd kind of a brown [TS]

  like that changes everything [TS]

  there's a lot there's a lot of people [TS]

  out there who look completely different [TS]

  after they did their eyebrows up well [TS]

  let me tell you here's the thing about [TS]

  that about my eyebrows it is not just [TS]

  that they that I have these big blonde [TS]

  eyebrows and you just can't see them [TS]

  because they're blonde like I barely [TS]

  have eyebrows is just hard to listen to [TS]

  teach on the side of blonde hair up [TS]

  there and the fields as i get older now [TS]

  the hairs that are there are starting to [TS]

  grow really long yako Brezhnev yeah i'm [TS]

  already getting wizard eyebrows but they [TS]

  are [TS]

  but there's no there's not like there's [TS]

  not really much there so it's like one [TS]

  Brezhnev sticks out and then you know I [TS]

  have the have the the rest of my [TS]

  eyebrows like belong on an [TS]

  eleven-year-old girl so i would have to [TS]

  i would have to really just basically i [TS]

  would have to fraudulently put eyebrows [TS]

  on myself or go some goes away and maybe [TS]

  have to have eyebrows surgically [TS]

  implanted can you get can you go to a [TS]

  like a hair club type so I get this [TS]

  Broadway this is the beauty of such a [TS]

  modest change is that there are so many [TS]

  things you could go to a fucking [TS]

  Halloween supply store to start you know [TS]

  you can go up as high as you want i [TS]

  would say don't go with things like the [TS]

  tattooing in the permanent anything [TS]

  because you never know you never know [TS]

  what you eating everything fashions [TS]

  change you know what I mean you might [TS]

  decide that you you might finally have [TS]

  freaked out someday I want to shave off [TS]

  your eyebrows with no one would notice [TS]

  John I don't think it's going to take [TS]

  all that much for this to really make [TS]

  your eyes pop you look good you should [TS]

  do it well [TS]

  ok so now now the question of course is [TS]

  that mrs. ever since I discovered ebay a [TS]

  week ago [TS]

  yeah yeah i saw this you've been now [TS]

  even bidding I've been on ebay and you [TS]

  know and it's the wrong place for me to [TS]

  be first of all and it is not it does [TS]

  not bring out your better angels and [TS]

  then the mi fear about this eyebrow [TS]

  thing is that it is another example of a [TS]

  kind of creeping materialism in my life [TS]

  where if I'm really honest if I really [TS]

  search my feelings i am trying to solve [TS]

  a different problem than a lack of [TS]

  eyebrows [TS]

  I'm trying to put eyebrows on a [TS]

  basketball you know what I mean I'm [TS]

  trying to I'm drawing a face on a [TS]

  volleyball and i am i'm investing my [TS]

  friendship in it [TS]

  except you're also the volleyball and [TS]

  then one day what you are Wilson the the [TS]

  one day the sea will take Wilson back [TS]

  oh and then where will I be so I need to [TS]

  I need to really ask myself do I meet so [TS]

  the other day i was on i was on the [TS]

  internet i was on ebay and i realized [TS]

  that i did not even know that such a [TS]

  thing as a tie case existed you know [TS]

  that I cases now I know about tie racks [TS]

  right what I case is a piece of luggage [TS]

  a small piece of luggage that holds your [TS]

  times are just be throwing written all [TS]

  over it right it's a total Jesse thorn [TS]

  thing and there and so all the fancy [TS]

  people like hermes and a Christian I [TS]

  think if you deliberately pronounced it [TS]

  wrong and stays masculine and you know [TS]

  and and whatever gucci these guys they [TS]

  all make thai cases out of Corinthian [TS]

  leather and then I should you not they [TS]

  will sell them for three hundred dollars [TS]

  or five hundred dollars or in the case [TS]

  of louisvuitton probably $1,500 empty [TS]

  not even a tie-in it doesn't include [TS]

  another thing coming like a starter time [TS]

  no its just oh it is just a piece of [TS]

  luggage that is the size and shape of [TS]

  half of a tie and you are meant to put [TS]

  your tie in it and fold your tie a [TS]

  couple of times and then put it in this [TS]

  case in the case keeps it protected this [TS]

  isn't a single ty i think you can put to [TS]

  you 24 times it now that's funny and you [TS]

  tuck it into your luggage is a total [TS]

  Jesse third thing is he is attacking his [TS]

  it you know his latest set of like [TS]

  five-thousand-dollar luggage guys know [TS]

  he's got his cravat brush holder and [TS]

  guarantee you next to his cravat brush [TS]

  holder case there is he has at least one [TS]

  time case if not if not several anyway [TS]

  so i'm looking online and I was like I [TS]

  didn't even know that there was such a [TS]

  thing as a tie case and now i want one [TS]

  yeah now i want to take it all sex [TS]

  politics and I'm on ebay [TS]

  but I have this I still have this thrift [TS]

  store mentality which is that the point [TS]

  is not to get a thing at fair value the [TS]

  point is to find a thing [TS]

  point is to find a thing [TS]

  that other people don't understand the [TS]

  final thing that is ridiculously [TS]

  underpriced because nobody notices it [TS]

  like that's the thrift store game you go [TS]

  in there and I mean I see things in [TS]

  thrift stores all the time that are that [TS]

  they know what it is they have priced it [TS]

  reasonably and I am contemptuous of it [TS]

  because reasonable price is not what I'm [TS]

  one that's not why I'm here I'm here to [TS]

  beat the game and find the diamonds in [TS]

  the rough [TS]

  so I'm on ebay and i'm looking at all [TS]

  these Thai cases I'm like well there's a [TS]

  thai case that's it that's a handsome [TS]

  thing it's only nine dollars 999 i'm [TS]

  gonna bid on it and I bet on it and then [TS]

  two days later i come back and it's $75 [TS]

  because it's a hermes and I say that is [TS]

  ludicrous like that is ludicrous [TS]

  it's a it's a ludicrous item to own let [TS]

  alone to pay real money for let alone to [TS]

  fight other anonymous people over so [TS]

  then I'm like I'm searchin searchin I [TS]

  find another tie case I'm like a lesson [TS]

  that's it that's a nice-looking ty case [TS]

  that's by a luggage company called [TS]

  Gurkha and I bet on it 99 couple days [TS]

  later i come back $55 and it sent three [TS]

  days left to run and I'm and so I'm [TS]

  getting emotionally worked up because [TS]

  other people are stealing my tie cases [TS]

  and I'm not really considering a I [TS]

  didn't even know what a tight case was [TS]

  ok i'll be i do not need a tie case I'm [TS]

  45 years old I've never needed one [TS]

  before I don't need one now and see a [TS]

  these two of these type cases are [TS]

  precisely items of conspicuous the [TS]

  ultimate the whole point is the chair [TS]

  that you buy something expensive [TS]

  yeah you could make a tie case if you [TS]

  can make a holster out of cardboard and [TS]

  and packing tape you can make a fuckin [TS]

  ty case on her cards right about [TS]

  functions event of Evelyn good you get [TS]

  it just because it's fancy [TS]

  I that was a Thorstein Veblen reference [TS]

  and you know I don't usually stop [TS]

  I don't usually stop the the car and get [TS]

  out to give you and give you a round of [TS]

  applause but that was very nice [TS]

  that makes me happy uh so but in any [TS]

  case i did find that I case and and i [TS]

  realized i looked at i looked on there [TS]

  and-and-and I realized it was a [TS]

  Christian Dior and the owner didn't know [TS]

  what it was a hole that's right in your [TS]

  wheelhouse that nobody else bothered to [TS]

  because it was like it didn't say to [TS]

  your honor but there was a little emblem [TS]

  that was like some early dior stamp and [TS]

  I don't care about christian dior I [TS]

  don't have a single item of that brand [TS]

  it means nothing to me but the fact that [TS]

  there was this thing which I did the [TS]

  research to know was a thing that value [TS]

  that the owner and the other customers [TS]

  did not recognize was a thing I was very [TS]

  excited and I bid on it and I want it [TS]

  congratulations for five dollars [TS]

  Wow get out walk away you're done with [TS]

  vegas I've dollars and then six dollars [TS]

  shipping so eleven dollars total I gotta [TS]

  tie case a vintage Christian to your tie [TS]

  case which the next time i see Jesse [TS]

  thorne I'm going to waggle it in front [TS]

  of his nose [TS]

  i'm going to say i'm in a wagon so he [TS]

  can smell the Corinthian in the leather [TS]

  is a look at that [TS]

  waggle waggle waggle waggle I'm not even [TS]

  gonna put ties in it i'm just going to [TS]

  carrier I'm gonna carry it around in the [TS]

  hopes i'm gonna run into jesse thorn so [TS]

  i can i can draw it under his nose and [TS]

  be like five dollars will be like why do [TS]

  you look different [TS]