Roderick on the Line

Ep. 95: "Cravat Brush Holder Case"


00:00:00   low a John I'm Merlin has gone good 40 [TS]

00:00:12   where you can say i went to the swimming [TS]

00:00:17   pool who and I did some swimming [TS]

00:00:24   wow yeah it's not it's not a thing that [TS]

00:00:26   i am not a very good swimmer frankly you [TS]

00:00:30   graceful in the water [TS]

00:00:32   hi I'm i am i I'm a graceful bobber I'm [TS]

00:00:37   a good barber but you know when i start [TS]

00:00:41   to swim [TS]

00:00:42   it's a combination of like yeah the two [TS]

00:00:45   things you wouldn't think go together [TS]

00:00:46   boredom and panic [TS]

00:00:48   you have no idea how you actually pretty [TS]

00:00:54   much my whole life how you can be on the [TS]

00:00:57   verge of panic and yet also bored [TS]

00:00:59   shitless but that is swimming today [TS]

00:01:03   that's a whole body exercise yeah that's [TS]

00:01:05   right it's a body and soul i spend the [TS]

00:01:07   whole time like you know choking back [TS]

00:01:09   just a freak out a pure freak out and [TS]

00:01:13   you have swam my whole life there's no [TS]

00:01:15   reason I should be such a bad like the [TS]

00:01:18   psychic the psychology of Swimming's [TS]

00:01:21   just don't know why you are you actually [TS]

00:01:24   brilliant [TS]

00:01:25   no no I think like a stone and I had a [TS]

00:01:28   couple of experiences one time in Greece [TS]

00:01:30   I swam out around the you know there was [TS]

00:01:34   a big there's a big rock big real big [TS]

00:01:37   rock and I swam out around pass the rock [TS]

00:01:39   and got out into the into the chop and [TS]

00:01:45   then i realized i had gone to the moment [TS]

00:01:47   I realized I had gone too far [TS]

00:01:51   it was you know it was too late to go [TS]

00:01:54   back and also too far to go forward and [TS]

00:01:59   I couldn't and and the waves were [TS]

00:02:02   hitting the rock i couldn't get up on [TS]

00:02:04   the rock it was a sheer cliff so I [TS]

00:02:07   couldn't even like hold onto the rock [TS]

00:02:09   because the waves were hitting it so [TS]

00:02:10   hard it was a real [TS]

00:02:12   the real kind of like yeah really set [TS]

00:02:14   the tone and you know obviously i [TS]

00:02:18   drowned and died and this is all a dream [TS]

00:02:24   this is all the Jacob's Ladder things [TS]

00:02:28   but a but yeah so anyway but that's that [TS]

00:02:32   doesn't explain that shit that's [TS]

00:02:34   everybody's had a near-death experience [TS]

00:02:36   in the in the waters off mechanic is it [TS]

00:02:40   is a good word for it [TS]

00:02:41   yeah i think it's I'm just I'm always [TS]

00:02:44   pushing it down much just like even in a [TS]

00:02:45   even it with a ymca swimming pool [TS]

00:02:48   I'm always pushing down the like talk [TS]

00:02:51   like this is it i'm gonna take a [TS]

00:02:54   mouthful of water and by the time they [TS]

00:02:55   get to me i'm going to be a corpse [TS]

00:02:58   I am I asking about your buoyancy and [TS]

00:03:01   that's a personal question because I I I [TS]

00:03:04   mean I've had was a kid what I've been [TS]

00:03:06   eating frankly who cutting out the wheat [TS]

00:03:09   is probably makes me even less buoyant [TS]

00:03:12   yeah you're probably less bloated you're [TS]

00:03:15   taking less air that's right let's gasps [TS]

00:03:17   huh [TS]

00:03:18   I i took like the is of course you can [TS]

00:03:21   take to you know do you learn the very [TS]

00:03:23   basics like there's a Red Cross [TS]

00:03:24   certified class where you learn how to [TS]

00:03:26   float and stuff like that and i don't [TS]

00:03:29   know i'm not a scientist but it seems to [TS]

00:03:31   me like most people should be plus or [TS]

00:03:33   minus five percent roughly the same [TS]

00:03:35   buoyancy wouldn't you think it [TS]

00:03:38   I mean maybe I don't know what it is i [TS]

00:03:39   remember them saying that like the sound [TS]

00:03:41   silly but take a big breath because [TS]

00:03:43   filling up your lungs make sure more [TS]

00:03:44   buoyant but like my mother-in-law [TS]

00:03:46   floating anything she's a little stick [TS]

00:03:48   of the lady she's like three feet tall [TS]

00:03:50   and she just she just gets in the water [TS]

00:03:52   no Raph no nothing 80 years old and she [TS]

00:03:55   just she floats like a little like a [TS]

00:03:57   little fishing bobber yeah the water [TS]

00:03:59   doesn't water now it repels her [TS]

00:04:02   yes water water resistant the water ones [TS]

00:04:04   me I'm on the same way at the bottom [TS]

00:04:07   that wants me it's not even the water oh [TS]

00:04:09   the waters just the vessel as the medium [TS]

00:04:12   the bottom wants to be the center of the [TS]

00:04:14   earth wants me [TS]

00:04:15   you should read that watchman comic [TS]

00:04:16   there's a lot of good yeah yeah [TS]

00:04:21   I'm not now I know you're not a fan of [TS]

00:04:25   things like being in small places if [TS]

00:04:27   memory serves [TS]

00:04:27   do you think about driving it sounds [TS]

00:04:30   like it's on your mind [TS]

00:04:31   uh not well you know of all the all the [TS]

00:04:34   deaths from what I understand once you [TS]

00:04:38   take the first big mouthful of water [TS]

00:04:40   while the first big lungs full of water [TS]

00:04:42   all all reports are that you do you have [TS]

00:04:47   a have an overwhelming feeling of calm [TS]

00:04:50   it doesn't hurt anymore and you just [TS]

00:04:53   yeah nothing find way out really yeah [TS]

00:04:56   right i mean and so when I think about [TS]

00:04:57   drowning it's always in it's always in [TS]

00:04:59   the context of like out the ship has [TS]

00:05:01   gone down and I Here I am bobbing and [TS]

00:05:03   how much do I want to live and those [TS]

00:05:06   guys that those guys that like swim and [TS]

00:05:09   swim and swim and find a buoy or swim [TS]

00:05:12   and and you know make make friends with [TS]

00:05:16   the giant tuna and they create a a raft [TS]

00:05:20   for him seems like a lot of work right [TS]

00:05:22   and it's just like how much do I want to [TS]

00:05:23   live i'm out here in the ocean the first [TS]

00:05:25   thing that nibbles on my foot like you [TS]

00:05:28   know I'm gonna have a hard time holding [TS]

00:05:32   back the desire to just say you know [TS]

00:05:34   what it's been a good run [TS]

00:05:35   whoo-hoo and I'm and an understanding [TS]

00:05:38   that the first big lung full of air for [TS]

00:05:41   the first big long full of water is like [TS]

00:05:42   then it all it all just goes away and [TS]

00:05:45   somehow your body is pre-programmed to [TS]

00:05:49   drown painlessly you just your back in [TS]

00:05:53   the womb who it's just we're not [TS]

00:05:56   designed to be on the internet but dying [TS]

00:05:58   in water not a problem [TS]

00:05:59   that's right saltwater out saltwater in [TS]

00:06:01   boom and then it all you know something [TS]

00:06:05   in your lizard brain is just like Oh [TS]

00:06:06   fucking thank God it would really be a [TS]

00:06:10   dream for me because I'm so good at [TS]

00:06:12   getting up on things as it is i think i [TS]

00:06:14   could really be very dignified and that [TS]

00:06:17   you just surrender and it's I mean think [TS]

00:06:19   about drowning what a great thing about [TS]

00:06:21   just like lost at sea not even drowning [TS]

00:06:24   but like it's epic [TS]

00:06:25   whatever happened to Merlin nobody else [TS]

00:06:27   see but i bet he went pretty easy you [TS]

00:06:30   know he wasn't for a dolphin or tuna [TS]

00:06:32   baby Jones [TS]

00:06:34   occur because of what do you do we need [TS]

00:06:36   to survive on desert island no thanks no [TS]

00:06:38   thanks four or even you know suffering [TS]

00:06:41   severe sunburn and being saltwater I'm [TS]

00:06:43   very sensitive to the Sun doesn't sound [TS]

00:06:45   good but so for me no drowning their 100 [TS]

00:06:50   something recently that i think i found [TS]

00:06:53   very chilling you might have heard if [TS]

00:06:55   you ever like really read the Heimlich [TS]

00:06:57   poster you know like when you're working [TS]

00:06:59   oh no you need to learn that the only [TS]

00:07:01   Spanish male right it's not even English [TS]

00:07:03   that's just such a sickening John I'm [TS]

00:07:05   sorry even hear that [TS]

00:07:07   no no it's quick look I just I just I'm [TS]

00:07:13   just skimming now so I died maybe i'm [TS]

00:07:15   missing the English parts in Vietnamese [TS]

00:07:18   and Spanish uh-huh okay um I i will eat [TS]

00:07:22   you read on there like somebody wasn't [TS]

00:07:23   all joking you know you they're not true [TS]

00:07:27   they're not choking come on you remember [TS]

00:07:29   it says you know check can't speak [TS]

00:07:31   breathe or cough right right so if you [TS]

00:07:34   say to somebody you know say your name [TS]

00:07:37   or something like that say my name say [TS]

00:07:39   my name on a bitch you want help [TS]

00:07:41   it's when it's when people are going [TS]

00:07:42   like this i can see you okay [TS]

00:07:46   you see my hands around my throat right [TS]

00:07:48   I get it ok here's what I learned from [TS]

00:07:50   my friend is a lifeguard [TS]

00:07:51   do you notice about drowning people you [TS]

00:07:53   think oh you see somebody out there [TS]

00:07:54   splashing around like they're in Jaws [TS]

00:07:56   they must be drowning but did you know [TS]

00:07:58   that a drowning person doesn't move one [TS]

00:08:02   now listen go do your own due diligence [TS]

00:08:03   before you decide whether or not to save [TS]

00:08:05   somebody based on their behavior people [TS]

00:08:07   go check my facts on this but i'm pretty [TS]

00:08:09   sure that what lifeguards look for [TS]

00:08:10   someone who's pretty far out and it's [TS]

00:08:13   just is maybe like not doing well but [TS]

00:08:16   they're not flapping around I think that [TS]

00:08:18   once that water gets in there that's [TS]

00:08:20   that calmness that you and I are looking [TS]

00:08:21   for yes the calm that comes over one [TS]

00:08:25   where you can slip the left guard 20 and [TS]

00:08:26   just say let's not make a big deal out [TS]

00:08:28   of this [TS]

00:08:28   I think of a lifeguard to get to me i [TS]

00:08:30   would i would at least put up i put up a [TS]

00:08:33   fight [TS]

00:08:33   well you know it's hard to save somebody [TS]

00:08:35   because they fight ya when somebody's [TS]

00:08:36   legitimate if they're legitimately [TS]

00:08:38   drowning they will fight that's right [TS]

00:08:40   the thing is like apology contract so [TS]

00:08:43   it's not about like what if I was on the [TS]

00:08:45   Indianapolis [TS]

00:08:46   like if I was if I was Quint oh god what [TS]

00:08:50   a great story [TS]

00:08:51   come on what am I gonna do and how it [TS]

00:08:52   was that water that's the other thing [TS]

00:08:53   now you got the cold water situation [TS]

00:08:55   like with the Titanic have you ever been [TS]

00:08:57   in water that's like even like 50 [TS]

00:08:59   degrees 50 degrees you go that's a cool [TS]

00:09:01   day that sweater weather in San [TS]

00:09:03   Francisco 50 degrees in the water is so [TS]

00:09:06   freaking cold one Memorial Day 1978 my [TS]

00:09:09   friends open their pool in ohio and we [TS]

00:09:12   were determined to get in this is the [TS]

00:09:14   first day of the swimming season and we [TS]

00:09:16   spend like probably six hours trying to [TS]

00:09:18   get into the water because it was so [TS]

00:09:20   cold you imagine being in that for like [TS]

00:09:21   half an hour [TS]

00:09:22   well as a matter of fact who it's a [TS]

00:09:26   common practice in Alaska to be in the [TS]

00:09:30   sauna and to come out of the sauna and [TS]

00:09:34   run across the snow to the half frozen [TS]

00:09:38   lake and run it run to the end of the [TS]

00:09:41   dock and jump in [TS]

00:09:43   what could possibly go wrong when you [TS]

00:09:45   are but right at right as the the steam [TS]

00:09:48   room has become so intolerably hot you [TS]

00:09:51   can't breathe anymore your entire body [TS]

00:09:53   is cooking you run down to the end of [TS]

00:09:56   the document jump into the water which [TS]

00:09:59   is just on the cusp of freezing see that [TS]

00:10:01   goes right into that part of my life [TS]

00:10:03   right everyone have to fill that out on [TS]

00:10:04   a form and get explain to somebody what [TS]

00:10:07   i was doing charged with an ice-cold [TS]

00:10:09   like it was right after I'd been nearly [TS]

00:10:10   dead from heat [TS]

00:10:11   what happens in those moments is the [TS]

00:10:15   shock is so extreme and the things you [TS]

00:10:16   don't you go to the end of the dock [TS]

00:10:17   you're not like you're not like [TS]

00:10:18   tiptoeing into the water you go all we [TS]

00:10:20   run to the end of the dock and then you [TS]

00:10:21   are submerged who and the shock is so [TS]

00:10:25   extraordinary that it blanks out [TS]

00:10:27   everything that you poop [TS]

00:10:29   well or something i have never pooped [TS]

00:10:31   but he's done though you've ever had on [TS]

00:10:34   this done it multiple times because once [TS]

00:10:36   you do it once that then you it's it's [TS]

00:10:39   incredibly addictive and what happens is [TS]

00:10:41   all goes black like it the shock is so [TS]

00:10:45   extreme there you you lose [TS]

00:10:48   however long it takes for you to a [TS]

00:10:51   minute that's like it's pretty like [TS]

00:10:53   knocked out she's like knocked the wind [TS]

00:10:54   out of you kind of feeling it knocks the [TS]

00:10:56   soul [TS]

00:10:57   you become an empty vessel for for a few [TS]

00:11:03   seconds and then it all comes rushing [TS]

00:11:05   back in and it is like being stabbed [TS]

00:11:08   with a million needles [TS]

00:11:09   yeah but its its exceptional it really [TS]

00:11:13   is so well I'll tell you this about me [TS]

00:11:16   and this this is going to be [TS]

00:11:17   contradictory i guess but like if i go [TS]

00:11:19   to a hotel man and they've got you go to [TS]

00:11:22   really tricked out Marriott and they've [TS]

00:11:23   got all of the like locker room [TS]

00:11:26   facilities i will go in there was no [TS]

00:11:28   Shana is that an urban dictionary thing [TS]

00:11:31   and that this together the cult polish [TS]

00:11:34   on now I i will utilize all of the [TS]

00:11:38   facilities you can't get that steam hot [TS]

00:11:40   enough for me even though is it strikes [TS]

00:11:41   me every year it becomes clear to me how [TS]

00:11:44   hygienic the steam room is when you [TS]

00:11:45   really think about it let me tell you i [TS]

00:11:47   got a pretty bad rash sure that's what [TS]

00:11:53   is your condition [TS]

00:11:54   not very long ago that's right haha is [TS]

00:11:56   that I didn't want to ask i had a [TS]

00:11:57   feeling it was a rash [TS]

00:11:58   it was a rash from a steam room going [TS]

00:12:01   well for me from a spa facility so it [TS]

00:12:03   was either the hot tubs or the sauna [TS]

00:12:06   gave me some kind of of bacterium but it [TS]

00:12:13   wasn't a bacteria because the penicillin [TS]

00:12:15   didn't work so it was a it was some kind [TS]

00:12:18   of athletes foot of the body [TS]

00:12:21   yes I right I told because the thing is [TS]

00:12:24   I think about now and i don't think i'm [TS]

00:12:26   up i'm not obsessed with these things [TS]

00:12:27   but I think about it I know that there [TS]

00:12:30   are various things various fauna the [TS]

00:12:32   benefit from the sauna there are various [TS]

00:12:34   things that if you go into a steam room [TS]

00:12:36   you think about that that's like a [TS]

00:12:38   little petri dish and it's dripping [TS]

00:12:39   hello dripping off of the ceiling [TS]

00:12:42   yes sano-sama associate fun leases to [TS]

00:12:45   the dry heat and this on the side you [TS]

00:12:47   can get us on hot enough for me I like [TS]

00:12:49   it I like a good and hot [TS]

00:12:51   but then i'll do that then go jump in [TS]

00:12:52   the shower and jump it's a real super [TS]

00:12:54   like middle-class white guy version of [TS]

00:12:56   jumping in an Alaskan lake [TS]

00:12:57   yeah my dad used to call that the [TS]

00:12:59   executive work out how I find it [TS]

00:13:02   extremely relaxing and it's what got me [TS]

00:13:04   hooked on this some menthol shower spray [TS]

00:13:06   I've got now [TS]

00:13:07   John everything's changed since like [TS]

00:13:09   something I max product [TS]

00:13:11   yes yes that's right i got to get [TS]

00:13:14   squeaky to scrape the ladies off the [TS]

00:13:15   side menthol showers breath here's what [TS]

00:13:18   you do it's really easy you can make it [TS]

00:13:19   home you go out you were just covering [TS]

00:13:22   yourself with the vicks vapor rub but [TS]

00:13:23   every chance I get I need so little [TS]

00:13:26   provocation to slather myself in tiger [TS]

00:13:28   mom I find it incredibly comforting but [TS]

00:13:31   a tiger balm was always always my LSD go [TS]

00:13:34   to oh dude i'm selling your skin right [TS]

00:13:37   now so when I when I would when I would [TS]

00:13:39   take LSD I always had a little like a [TS]

00:13:41   little Bota bag or not a boat back but [TS]

00:13:43   like a little uh you know little Dopp [TS]

00:13:44   kit got a chip get a trip get and you [TS]

00:13:50   gotta have a trick by bubbles know there [TS]

00:13:53   were no i wasn't a fucking girl that [TS]

00:13:59   Jon's getting into his bubble I had a [TS]

00:14:01   you know a pack of camel filters i had [TS]

00:14:03   eight the weed I had a you know a bottle [TS]

00:14:07   of water i had a a growth girls beer two [TS]

00:14:12   girls peers may be an apple I always had [TS]

00:14:15   tiger balm because when you're really [TS]

00:14:18   you're really tripping and you're [TS]

00:14:21   hanging out with some other trippers and [TS]

00:14:23   you're all just your back to like monkey [TS]

00:14:25   status we're just sitting there picking [TS]

00:14:27   nits out of each other's hair [TS]

00:14:29   one of the great things to do is take a [TS]

00:14:32   little tiger balm and rub it on rub it [TS]

00:14:34   on your friends temple-like so you're [TS]

00:14:38   tripping and you're looking at each [TS]

00:14:39   other and you're rubbin tiger balm in [TS]

00:14:40   each other's temples and it's like [TS]

00:14:43   you'll be careful not to get that in and [TS]

00:14:44   I well that's the thing yeah you but [TS]

00:14:47   your beer conscious of the difference [TS]

00:14:48   between and I a temple no matter how [TS]

00:14:50   high you are [TS]

00:14:51   yeah right but its proximity to the I [TS]

00:14:53   like you feel the mentholatum in the air [TS]

00:14:56   around your eyeball through pretty heavy [TS]

00:14:59   stuff who kept trip get there are few [TS]

00:15:02   other items in there you should i know i [TS]

00:15:04   know you enjoy bathing this the shower [TS]

00:15:07   sprays its dynamic I got a recipe off [TS]

00:15:09   the internet because if you go by the [TS]

00:15:10   stuff in the store it's really expensive [TS]

00:15:11   but you know that smell like you go into [TS]

00:15:13   some kind of environment that kind of [TS]

00:15:14   menthol sort of smell you are making [TS]

00:15:16   your own menthol shower spray penny [TS]

00:15:20   Penny's she hit any court you got a [TS]

00:15:24   recipe of the internet for getting our [TS]

00:15:26   bomb shower spray well here's what [TS]

00:15:29   happened I i got some as a stocking [TS]

00:15:32   stuffer from a lady last year and i [TS]

00:15:34   liked it so much I wanted some off [TS]

00:15:36   amazon turns out what I ordered was dog [TS]

00:15:39   dog menthol spray is for if you wash [TS]

00:15:42   your dog and you want to smell good [TS]

00:15:44   so used all that up i finished it up [TS]

00:15:46   online office get back to your lady now [TS]

00:15:48   in my shower because i just bought some [TS]

00:15:50   shampoo that's that's designed for [TS]

00:15:52   horses Mane's and Tails I think that's a [TS]

00:15:54   thing and it works great [TS]

00:15:57   what's called the main event and I think [TS]

00:16:00   it might be called mane and tail [TS]

00:16:01   uh-oh watch yourself hoarse and it's and [TS]

00:16:06   it came in you know conveniently in a [TS]

00:16:07   50-gallon drum I've seen this I've seen [TS]

00:16:10   this [TS]

00:16:10   yeah all you gotta do and I don't know [TS]

00:16:12   the exact amount so you know obviously [TS]

00:16:13   don't do this without doing the due [TS]

00:16:15   diligence searching the internet but [TS]

00:16:17   it's you put in a few drops of us [TS]

00:16:19   especially camp for you can put in some [TS]

00:16:21   eucalyptus you get the little essential [TS]

00:16:23   oil in a bottle right just a few drops [TS]

00:16:25   and then you add in some witch hazel and [TS]

00:16:27   water if you're in the witch hazel I [TS]

00:16:29   think you don't have to spend it or [TS]

00:16:30   something about to shake it shake that [TS]

00:16:32   up you spray it when you run your super [TS]

00:16:34   hot shower to get steamy yeah it's like [TS]

00:16:37   a little spa right in your home and i [TS]

00:16:39   are you buying like spray bottles at the [TS]

00:16:42   at the the pack and save and that's a [TS]

00:16:44   good question i repurposed the the dog [TS]

00:16:46   spray bottle oh I get you [TS]

00:16:48   yeah a rough for therapy or something [TS]

00:16:51   did you go through a phase where the [TS]

00:16:52   women in your life were all going [TS]

00:16:55   through a phase where they were making [TS]

00:16:56   their own bombs soaps medicament and and [TS]

00:17:01   gels I can't I can't put my hand to one [TS]

00:17:04   because i think it's a fairly recent [TS]

00:17:05   phenomenon but i will say that after the [TS]

00:17:08   dream of making your own jewelry and [TS]

00:17:09   selling it on etsy I think making [TS]

00:17:11   unnecessary soap has become a really [TS]

00:17:13   popular thing about is a lot of soap [TS]

00:17:15   with little sticks in it now [TS]

00:17:17   yeah yeah about LLC and i got i was [TS]

00:17:19   gifted a couple of bars of soap with [TS]

00:17:21   sticks in it at one of our shows [TS]

00:17:24   recently from some fans and one of them [TS]

00:17:27   i'm using right now not right this [TS]

00:17:30   minute but it's my current bathroom self [TS]

00:17:32   the other one they had flavor [TS]

00:17:33   do with patchouli oil a little a little [TS]

00:17:36   peculiar not a little enough and it came [TS]

00:17:40   into the house brought it home and came [TS]

00:17:42   into the house with me and immediately [TS]

00:17:44   everyone that that uses my house as [TS]

00:17:47   their common area [TS]

00:17:48   uh-huh they would walk in the house [TS]

00:17:50   maybe like what is whoa whoa whoa who [TS]

00:17:53   who's been here what dreadlocked person [TS]

00:17:55   has been in your home and I was like oh [TS]

00:17:57   I think it's this soap this lovely self [TS]

00:17:59   that I was given as a gift and i would [TS]

00:18:02   like to use your other bathroom some [TS]

00:18:04   very nice people and eventually the soap [TS]

00:18:06   like when people kept putting it in [TS]

00:18:08   deeper and deeper nesting Tupperware [TS]

00:18:11   containers until it finally just just [TS]

00:18:14   nested its way right out of the house [TS]

00:18:16   and I haven't I haven't seen it I don't [TS]

00:18:18   have any proof of this but my sense is [TS]

00:18:20   that just from my own experience there [TS]

00:18:23   are certain smell related cosmetic [TS]

00:18:26   things which I would include patchouli [TS]

00:18:29   musk Drakkar Noir and comic lines that [TS]

00:18:34   cover the light of session session right [TS]

00:18:36   that's powerful stuff where something [TS]

00:18:39   happens and you smell it once especially [TS]

00:18:41   if your lady you smell it once you put a [TS]

00:18:43   little on and something happens very [TS]

00:18:45   quickly that you stopped noticing how [TS]

00:18:47   much of it you're using I know that's [TS]

00:18:48   true actually and enter this day I mean [TS]

00:18:51   I if I it's like if you could smell the [TS]

00:18:53   patchouli there's too much [TS]

00:18:54   well and the problem with Calvin Klein's [TS]

00:18:56   obsession is you never smell it anymore [TS]

00:18:59   it's always one one girl for me when I [TS]

00:19:01   smell that for the rest of my life it [TS]

00:19:03   will always be exactly one woman me too [TS]

00:19:05   and it's imprinted unfortunately I it [TS]

00:19:08   imprinted on me in 1987 86 for me those [TS]

00:19:12   girls name was Maureen lynn and uh it [TS]

00:19:17   was on her like uh like the class like [TS]

00:19:21   it was on her like fog in santa cruz [TS]

00:19:23   like it was it was this is so thick on [TS]

00:19:29   her [TS]

00:19:30   I mean she put it on with a trowel and [TS]

00:19:32   yet and yet now I'll be you know be on [TS]

00:19:35   public transit i'll be in a strange town [TS]

00:19:37   and someone who did not get a series of [TS]

00:19:42   important memos and phone calls telling [TS]

00:19:45   them to stop wearing calvin klein [TS]

00:19:46   obsession in the early nineties will [TS]

00:19:49   walk past I'll smell that smell and I'll [TS]

00:19:51   be right back [TS]

00:19:52   I'll be right back at Maureen's feet [TS]

00:19:54   while she toys with me like a like a a [TS]

00:19:57   catnip ball and it's 0 don't think you [TS]

00:20:04   should get to retire fragrances [TS]

00:20:05   definitely after a certain point i mean [TS]

00:20:07   i i've enjoyed fragrances for myself in [TS]

00:20:09   the past but when you look in your [TS]

00:20:13   little boy you never put on love [TS]

00:20:14   grandpa's hai karate or something [TS]

00:20:16   no you know my mom would give me her old [TS]

00:20:19   makeup and I would wear I would have a [TS]

00:20:22   makeup kit I got a little purse and I [TS]

00:20:28   didn't want to wear how old were you [TS]

00:20:30   well this is the thing and what I when I [TS]

00:20:32   think back to the seventies and I [TS]

00:20:34   imagine like my mom and all of the [TS]

00:20:37   people in my family and me like that [TS]

00:20:41   it's old make it like that it's like a [TS]

00:20:44   compact with just a little bit of stuff [TS]

00:20:46   yeah the lipstick that was like down to [TS]

00:20:49   it now the eyeshadow eyeliner that all [TS]

00:20:51   the stuff and and I would make myself [TS]

00:20:55   beautiful until I was probably 800 you [TS]

00:21:03   could you could have got a couple more [TS]

00:21:04   years out of that but you stopped at a [TS]

00:21:05   good time I stop that I think what [TS]

00:21:07   happened was I moved [TS]

00:21:08   I'm i went to live with my dad when I [TS]

00:21:11   was still well yeah between eight and [TS]

00:21:13   ten and I didn't have access to the [TS]

00:21:16   makeup anymore but my makeup kit my bag [TS]

00:21:20   of makeup was one of my prized [TS]

00:21:21   possessions and I would play dress-up [TS]

00:21:24   and i would get I would make my face up [TS]

00:21:26   and and I I cannot imagine that that [TS]

00:21:31   wasn't causing a little bit of concern [TS]

00:21:36   core or at least a little bit of like um [TS]

00:21:40   I I imagine everyone was very interested [TS]

00:21:43   in what was what i was talking like 19 [TS]

00:21:46   7676 yeah but my mom when my mom was [TS]

00:21:51   very encouraging [TS]

00:21:52   she always whenever she got to the end [TS]

00:21:54   of some makeup and there was just just [TS]

00:21:57   the you know the last little bit of [TS]

00:21:59   energy she decided she didn't like a [TS]

00:22:00   color that was another thing she decided [TS]

00:22:03   that has a certain color of lipstick or [TS]

00:22:05   eyeshadow didn't work for you know i [TS]

00:22:06   would get the anasso my makeup kit i had [TS]

00:22:08   tons and tons of options and and I I [TS]

00:22:14   remember looking back at it later in my [TS]

00:22:16   twenties and realizing no one ever said [TS]

00:22:21   a thing about it or looked at me [TS]

00:22:23   sideways or made any kind of of untoward [TS]

00:22:28   comment and I just happily verbal along [TS]

00:22:33   making myself pretty dressing and you [TS]

00:22:35   know I would wear the high-heeled shoes [TS]

00:22:36   and the feather boas and parade around [TS]

00:22:39   and you know and then just I mean these [TS]

00:22:44   days I I I would be concerned that they [TS]

00:22:47   would they would sign me up for sex [TS]

00:22:49   reassignment surgery uh-huh but at the [TS]

00:22:51   time it was just like I just one day I [TS]

00:22:53   guess I i mean i was i was a I don't [TS]

00:22:57   want to sound like Macklemore here but i [TS]

00:22:59   was playing with guns and stuff too but [TS]

00:23:02   it's not to say that women don't play [TS]

00:23:03   with guns soon you know what I'm saying [TS]

00:23:05   no in any case [TS]

00:23:08   yeah it was a chance to get became less [TS]

00:23:10   interesting and kind of went away you [TS]

00:23:12   think it's because of going to your dads [TS]

00:23:14   that you re i think i just didn't I [TS]

00:23:15   wasn't i didn't have my makeup with me [TS]

00:23:17   anymore I'd never became less [TS]

00:23:19   interesting in fact I the other day did [TS]

00:23:22   I was watching a sean connery movie [TS]

00:23:24   which is to say russia house [TS]

00:23:30   was watching russia house and throughout [TS]

00:23:34   the movie Sean Connery is playing this [TS]

00:23:35   sort of exaggerated character that is in [TS]

00:23:39   some ways like maybe a just a just a [TS]

00:23:45   slightly drunker me 10 years from now [TS]

00:23:47   and I'm watching it and I'm like why is [TS]

00:23:51   sean connery so beautiful even at 60 [TS]

00:23:55   years old [TS]

00:23:56   why is he so compelling why do I want to [TS]

00:23:58   look at his face [TS]

00:24:00   what is it about Sean Connery's face and [TS]

00:24:03   I realized Sean Connery has very [TS]

00:24:06   interesting eyebrows huh [TS]

00:24:09   Mikey's he's got he's got [TS]

00:24:11   salt-and-pepper beard he's got [TS]

00:24:13   salt-and-pepper hair in this film but [TS]

00:24:15   his eyebrows are like two fuzzy South [TS]

00:24:19   American caterpillars and so I'm sitting [TS]

00:24:24   watching this movie and I'm thinking you [TS]

00:24:25   know what my eyebrows are really blonde [TS]

00:24:29   oh this you're right it is he has [TS]

00:24:32   beautiful eyes and he has amazing [TS]

00:24:34   eyebrows fantastic eyebrows and then I [TS]

00:24:36   think I'm reflecting on my own face as [TS]

00:24:39   I'm watching russia house and I'm [TS]

00:24:41   realizing my eyebrows are barely visible [TS]

00:24:44   if you looked at me from across the room [TS]

00:24:47   you wouldn't even think i had eyebrows [TS]

00:24:49   and here i am I got I got a [TS]

00:24:51   salt-and-pepper beard I got the salt and [TS]

00:24:53   pepper coming in my hair but my eyebrows [TS]

00:24:56   have never they never came in basically [TS]

00:24:58   my eyebrows never fully like arrived [TS]

00:25:02   they just stayed this sort of blonde was [TS]

00:25:05   be nothing that's why I've always said [TS]

00:25:08   this to you more than more than my dad [TS]

00:25:11   more than anybody I've ever known who [TS]

00:25:13   looks different with the glasses off [TS]

00:25:14   you look so different with your glasses [TS]

00:25:17   off right because the glass you're [TS]

00:25:19   almost unrecognizable your eyes are [TS]

00:25:20   completely different yeah the glasses [TS]

00:25:22   frames give me some eyebrow em they put [TS]

00:25:25   some black contrast around my eyes and [TS]

00:25:29   without it it's just it's just like a [TS]

00:25:31   sandstorm from from my hairline to my [TS]

00:25:35   you know to my tie [TS]

00:25:38   basically it's just a it's like a it's [TS]

00:25:40   like some dishwater [TS]

00:25:42   that is being poured into some into a [TS]

00:25:45   bowl Sam and so would like to have a [TS]

00:25:49   margarine so I was like paused the movie [TS]

00:25:53   and I got up and I went into the [TS]

00:25:55   bathroom and I found a marker and I drew [TS]

00:25:58   some eyebrows on myself and then I [TS]

00:26:01   looked really different and looked uh I [TS]

00:26:09   i well like on a discomforting Lee [TS]

00:26:12   different and so I walked around for the [TS]

00:26:14   rest of the day with these like marked [TS]

00:26:18   in eyebrows and it was that there's a [TS]

00:26:23   little bit of like Groucho Marx going on [TS]

00:26:26   whoo-hoo um I couldn't quite decide that [TS]

00:26:30   but anyways all by way of saying i don't [TS]

00:26:32   think i ever did stop wanting to play [TS]

00:26:34   with makeup i think i would still play [TS]

00:26:35   with makeup if if I didn't you know I [TS]

00:26:38   didn't have to represent all these punk [TS]

00:26:42   rock ethics that I you know that I [TS]

00:26:44   basically personified the culture who [TS]

00:26:47   applied like a guy who doesn't trust his [TS]

00:26:50   hair whatever as you said that I mean [TS]

00:26:55   now first I googled pictures of Sean [TS]

00:26:56   Connery and and he has absolutely [TS]

00:26:58   amazing eyebrows it looks like their [TS]

00:26:59   looks like they might be a very slight [TS]

00:27:02   bit i coughed I think they're to do I [TS]

00:27:07   think they haven't he dies his eyebrows [TS]

00:27:09   and I think 30 styles as eyebrows [TS]

00:27:10   ok ok and then some reason I started [TS]

00:27:14   thinking of josh's character in JFK haha [TS]

00:27:18   very right with the fake the figure go [TS]

00:27:21   google David Ferrie w shaved his [TS]

00:27:24   eyebrows hey literally what is alopecia [TS]

00:27:27   that's a good question no no I he go [TS]

00:27:30   search for David Ferrie to rie and you [TS]

00:27:33   can see it looks like he essentially [TS]

00:27:35   their actual guy looks like he pretty [TS]

00:27:37   much took like a sharpie [TS]

00:27:39   like a kind of sharpie that you use for [TS]

00:27:41   like graffiti and just and gave himself [TS]

00:27:44   a little frowns above his eyes [TS]

00:27:46   Oh pop-up box its you have to their ears [TS]

00:27:52   its distinctive you're looking at the [TS]

00:27:54   actual guy right those eyes really stand [TS]

00:27:56   out so here they pop if he did not have [TS]

00:27:59   those eyebrows he would not be nearly as [TS]

00:28:00   handsome [TS]

00:28:01   wow wow that's a hell of a look zoom so [TS]

00:28:04   so yeah so I so so I've been thinking [TS]

00:28:07   like well now on the scale on the [TS]

00:28:10   continuum of middle-aged male vanity [TS]

00:28:14   where does dying ones eyebrows full ah [TS]

00:28:18   that's a good that's a good question [TS]

00:28:20   you know what I mean it's not like [TS]

00:28:21   getting it's not like getting of fancy [TS]

00:28:23   haircut it's not like spending a bunch [TS]

00:28:25   of money on brown shoes well and let's [TS]

00:28:28   go to the obvious ones it's not like [TS]

00:28:29   getting something like a chemical peel [TS]

00:28:31   right point omniscient ucky exactly [TS]

00:28:34   talks as they call it [TS]

00:28:36   who but dying my eyebrows would be a [TS]

00:28:39   tremendous for some people it would it [TS]

00:28:41   would be no it would be actually be a [TS]

00:28:43   step back in the male vanity a hallway [TS]

00:28:47   but for me it would be a giant leap for [TS]

00:28:52   a guy who cuts his own hair and shave [TS]

00:28:54   dry with a 99-cent razor to put coloring [TS]

00:29:00   in his eyebrows to give his face more [TS]

00:29:02   definition it just feels like a it's too [TS]

00:29:07   it's too vain and yet I feel like God [TS]

00:29:11   rip me off a little bit [TS]

00:29:13   no no question but these with these non [TS]

00:29:15   eyebrows like of all the things [TS]

00:29:19   yeah I mean it's great to have a [TS]

00:29:20   distinctive face [TS]

00:29:22   I mean there has to be a kind of a [TS]

00:29:24   combination of angles and softness and [TS]

00:29:28   proportion and symmetry and all these [TS]

00:29:30   kinds of things and so people who have [TS]

00:29:32   slight they say like a weak chin for [TS]

00:29:33   example or don't have much in the way of [TS]

00:29:35   cheekbones right can make it seem like [TS]

00:29:37   your face doesn't really have a frame to [TS]

00:29:39   it [TS]

00:29:39   yeah I said what you're saying is with [TS]

00:29:41   this with this ice water being poured [TS]

00:29:43   into a bowl of sand or whatever it is [TS]

00:29:45   you feel like there's there's not enough [TS]

00:29:47   clarity about where the top of your head [TS]

00:29:48   is officially starting precisely and [TS]

00:29:51   the thing is you know i would rather I [TS]

00:29:54   would rather have a no eyebrows than a [TS]

00:29:59   week chin [TS]

00:30:00   let's just go on record there i could [TS]

00:30:03   give up much in but uh but like eyebrows [TS]

00:30:09   seem like a small thing as as you know [TS]

00:30:12   as the great as the great chemist in the [TS]

00:30:14   sky is putting all the little droppers [TS]

00:30:17   of stuff into a into his cauldron and [TS]

00:30:21   making a guy like he's got the eyebrow [TS]

00:30:24   dropper and he's like man not this guy [TS]

00:30:28   like that seems a little bit but first I [TS]

00:30:32   just want to get out there i think this [TS]

00:30:33   is well in the range of acceptable [TS]

00:30:35   suitor vanity for a man of your age [TS]

00:30:38   you're really enjoying being I'm being [TS]

00:30:40   totally serious and i'll tell you one [TS]

00:30:41   reason why it's not obvious that's going [TS]

00:30:44   to be very much one of those things like [TS]

00:30:45   when you get new glasses and people go [TS]

00:30:47   what's different about you is in your [TS]

00:30:48   haircut [TS]

00:30:49   nobody's gonna think to go did you paint [TS]

00:30:51   on your eyebrows right or did you did [TS]

00:30:53   you do something to enhance your [TS]

00:30:54   eyebrows did you get an eyebrow weave or [TS]

00:30:56   something i don't think most people [TS]

00:30:57   especially other men are going to notice [TS]

00:30:59   at all now other men wouldn't notice [TS]

00:31:01   applies if I started wearing an Indian [TS]

00:31:03   headdress everywhere I want but right [TS]

00:31:07   one down [TS]

00:31:08   I had a friend i have a friend that back [TS]

00:31:10   in the nineties he was a gay man who was [TS]

00:31:12   about 10 years older than me his name is [TS]

00:31:14   Frank and he was a Basque and his last [TS]

00:31:20   name was spelt with a series of X's and [TS]

00:31:23   tease and eyes and it was a to it that [TS]

00:31:29   the actual pronunciation of it was just [TS]

00:31:31   like just sounded like some italian name [TS]

00:31:33   but to look at it spelled it just looked [TS]

00:31:35   like somebody had had just thrown down [TS]

00:31:38   some you know somebody was changing the [TS]

00:31:40   marquee at a movie theater and they just [TS]

00:31:42   threw down all the X's on the ground and [TS]

00:31:46   this guy his name is Frank and he had [TS]

00:31:49   absolutely the reddest hair red eye [TS]

00:31:53   lashes red eyebrows read everything and [TS]

00:31:56   he's a handsome flamboyant guy and one [TS]

00:31:59   day I'm walking down the street and he [TS]

00:32:00   was a well-known character in seattle [TS]

00:32:02   walking down the street and this guy [TS]

00:32:04   walks up to me and grabbed [TS]

00:32:05   me by the shirt he goes hey and I was [TS]

00:32:07   like get off me strange person and it [TS]

00:32:11   was frank who had died his hair black [TS]

00:32:14   but had gone the extra mile and had died [TS]

00:32:19   not only his eyebrows but had died his [TS]

00:32:21   eyelashes black oh he's a completist [TS]

00:32:24   plans good at what i mean and Jesse's [TS]

00:32:26   he's the he's cool he's committed he [TS]

00:32:28   leans in and he you know he's like it's [TS]

00:32:31   me and I went oh my god damn heat and [TS]

00:32:34   the first thing he wanted to show me [TS]

00:32:35   with his eyelashes seems like look at my [TS]

00:32:37   eyelashes and she was utterly a [TS]

00:32:41   different person a transformation that [TS]

00:32:45   and you know and I i honestly think if i [TS]

00:32:48   just colored my eyebrows I could [TS]

00:32:50   disappear into a crowd and my best [TS]

00:32:53   friend wouldn't recognize him i took my [TS]

00:32:55   glasses off died my eyebrows I wouldn't [TS]

00:32:57   have to change another thing you have it [TS]

00:32:59   you know it's there and the thing is BP [TS]

00:33:01   would not just wouldn't register is the [TS]

00:33:03   cool part people just know John looks [TS]

00:33:06   better [TS]

00:33:06   we're not sure why it's probably because [TS]

00:33:07   he cut out the wheat me right [TS]

00:33:10   uh-huh John cut out the wheat and his [TS]

00:33:13   eyebrows filled-in you think she [TS]

00:33:15   actually i see i'm telling you i don't [TS]

00:33:17   think i don't think they would notice i [TS]

00:33:19   don't think they would be able to pay it [TS]

00:33:20   i think it would be completely [TS]

00:33:21   perplexing to them it would just be like [TS]

00:33:23   you look rested [TS]

00:33:24   I bet you look here's the thing you get [TS]

00:33:26   contrast now right you're gonna look so [TS]

00:33:28   rested you know you look at you look [TS]

00:33:31   lonely sandwich he's got some good [TS]

00:33:33   eyebrows I could everything you know Dan [TS]

00:33:36   Benjamin big big eyebrows over a lot of [TS]

00:33:40   the people you work with our eyebrow [TS]

00:33:41   people hadn't thought about this and [TS]

00:33:44   then me I'm like some kind of like like [TS]

00:33:47   eyebrow desert [TS]

00:33:49   I don't understand it's got some small [TS]

00:33:51   part of John thinking why not mean how [TS]

00:33:53   come I didn't get the eyedropper [TS]

00:33:54   literally mhm [TS]

00:33:56   I i think it's i think it's a terrific [TS]

00:33:58   idea i think it's something you could [TS]

00:33:59   start very modestly you could explode as [TS]

00:34:01   with your mom your mom's a hand-me-down [TS]

00:34:03   makeup you can experiment around the [TS]

00:34:05   house while you're preparing a meal you [TS]

00:34:07   can just try it on see if it's not too [TS]

00:34:09   heavy [TS]

00:34:09   well but here's the thing I there are a [TS]

00:34:11   lot of so a lot of guys come up to me in [TS]

00:34:13   there that you know that we've talked [TS]

00:34:14   about this before they're insecure about [TS]

00:34:16   their beards [TS]

00:34:17   oh yeah and I get a lot of young guys [TS]

00:34:19   with light beards wispy beard who think [TS]

00:34:22   that a little hare Club for Men or [TS]

00:34:24   whatever the best performance and [TS]

00:34:27   surround us to get the stuff the like [TS]

00:34:29   that precisely right or it's basically a [TS]

00:34:31   graphite from a pencil you can get your [TS]

00:34:33   beard right uh yeah that's the stuff the [TS]

00:34:34   chuck norris and Steven Segal use where [TS]

00:34:37   it's like your rides a sudden their [TS]

00:34:39   beard looks like they were like giving [TS]

00:34:43   cunnilingus to a cat and then face was [TS]

00:34:45   covered with mentholatum you know where [TS]

00:34:49   their it you know it is chuck norris's [TS]

00:34:51   beard but it's clearly they took nor is [TS]

00:34:54   literally eating pussy haha his beer [TS]

00:35:02   his spirit is the fake check horses [TS]

00:35:04   fake-looking but his beard is the fake [TS]

00:35:07   is looking thing about him and I'm gonna [TS]

00:35:09   get it as with the two-page we talked [TS]

00:35:11   about its it's way too dark and ample [TS]

00:35:14   it's too it's too pushy but it's really [TS]

00:35:15   it's way too dark for man of his age [TS]

00:35:17   Zach exactly and the problem but being a [TS]

00:35:20   young guy who puts that paint in his [TS]

00:35:22   beard is the same problem you all of a [TS]

00:35:24   sudden you've got a beard that is that's [TS]

00:35:28   completely implausible [TS]

00:35:30   yeah you need your young person and if [TS]

00:35:32   you have a blond beard it it it is [TS]

00:35:34   evident in your eyes that your beard is [TS]

00:35:37   blonde you can you can diet but your [TS]

00:35:40   eyes betray the blonde the blondeness at [TS]

00:35:43   yours at your Center and I'm worried [TS]

00:35:47   that the blondeness that's still at my [TS]

00:35:49   center will be evident over and so the [TS]

00:35:54   the ruse of the eyebrows will at the [TS]

00:35:59   game will be up even a stranger would [TS]

00:36:01   look at me and say there's something [TS]

00:36:04   blonder about you than you're repping [TS]

00:36:06   well I you know you're a thinker I can't [TS]

00:36:09   stop that but i think this could be a [TS]

00:36:12   really valuable experiment experiment [TS]

00:36:14   all you really need [TS]

00:36:15   see I don't even know what to say which [TS]

00:36:16   make up to get but i'm telling you if [TS]

00:36:18   you had one lady who you trust [TS]

00:36:21   we're right there right there right [TS]

00:36:24   what if it was about that but but here's [TS]

00:36:28   the thing and somebody who's good with [TS]

00:36:29   makeup i can think of at least one lady [TS]

00:36:31   you know that I know he's very [TS]

00:36:32   attractive in it has great backup and [TS]

00:36:35   and somebody you trust who could do it [TS]

00:36:37   gradually and with the right color so it [TS]

00:36:40   wasn't too much because here's the [TS]

00:36:42   problem we get back to the Calvin Klein [TS]

00:36:43   problem is now you may not know you [TS]

00:36:45   might start going like oh this looks [TS]

00:36:46   pretty great i should get a bigger hair [TS]

00:36:48   hat let go you know what I mean and you [TS]

00:36:50   you get so it's it's a it's a form of [TS]

00:36:52   personal fetishization we're going like [TS]

00:36:54   oh you know I look good with my teeth on [TS]

00:36:57   yellowed I should get them whiter I [TS]

00:37:00   should get I should get veneers put on I [TS]

00:37:02   should get these giant choppers that are [TS]

00:37:04   blindingly white and obviously take [TS]

00:37:05   giant veneers where you can see the you [TS]

00:37:10   can see the small yellow rotten tooth [TS]

00:37:11   behind that guy like different but um [TS]

00:37:14   yeah that right i mean you know a little [TS]

00:37:16   bit of color in your eyebrows looks [TS]

00:37:18   great and then all of a sudden I'm [TS]

00:37:20   walking around and I you know I've got [TS]

00:37:21   like a three finger eyebrows on either [TS]

00:37:23   side you know exactly is that height [TS]

00:37:28   there are three fingers right [TS]

00:37:31   oh you brought a modern loosely me and [TS]

00:37:34   it looks like Groucho you look like you [TS]

00:37:36   have grease paint the shiny I break-ups [TS]

00:37:39   well I feel like I feel like I need to [TS]

00:37:41   do something about this i don't know [TS]

00:37:42   whether it's that I thought I start [TS]

00:37:44   wearing a run DMC glasses or that that I [TS]

00:37:48   mean like I feel like maybe a glasses [TS]

00:37:50   yeah no glasses where it just makes me [TS]

00:37:51   just gives me recognize or whether i [TS]

00:37:55   need to start doing my eyebrows a little [TS]

00:37:57   bit you know [TS]

00:37:58   yeah i just want to say John I would say [TS]

00:38:01   step away from having any trepidation [TS]

00:38:03   about this dive into this have some fun [TS]

00:38:05   with that you are you are literally a [TS]

00:38:07   performer [TS]

00:38:07   this is part of your work oh true true [TS]

00:38:10   true this could be excused Swift [TS]

00:38:12   surrounding so should i be pretty today [TS]

00:38:14   now she know she should be pretty you [TS]

00:38:17   should die you should dive into this [TS]

00:38:18   with gusto [TS]

00:38:19   you could you could probably you know [TS]

00:38:21   you might be you know what you could [TS]

00:38:23   maybe get like I don't like Maybelline [TS]

00:38:25   or a max factor or mary kay you know [TS]

00:38:28   like apologies to get it free Chuck's [TS]

00:38:30   maybe you could get some makeup [TS]

00:38:33   well I've thought about this in another [TS]

00:38:34   context which is the [TS]

00:38:37   the mod haircut [TS]

00:38:40   here's the thing about the mod haircut i [TS]

00:38:42   mean like i like a Caesar come over and [TS]

00:38:45   I'm talking about like a like a Style [TS]

00:38:48   Council haircut like a floopy haircut [TS]

00:38:52   um stop council who right now i'm [TS]

00:38:55   thinking i can't decide if i'm thinking [TS]

00:38:56   more like the guy from suede or like [TS]

00:38:59   Keith Moon I its it well don't you don't [TS]

00:39:04   you want floopy pseudo goth locks no [TS]

00:39:06   think about Ron Wood em in 7d before he [TS]

00:39:12   joined the stone like a shag like a [TS]

00:39:14   share the paul weller maybe five years [TS]

00:39:18   ago John a paul weller in well under you [TS]

00:39:23   and I are well into the age where we [TS]

00:39:24   need to think carefully about shaggy [TS]

00:39:26   hair [TS]

00:39:26   yeah no I know this is the thing but I [TS]

00:39:28   never really had that you look tired [TS]

00:39:30   it makes you look tired i feel like it [TS]

00:39:32   does make you look tired but I can't [TS]

00:39:34   decide whether it's just that people in [TS]

00:39:36   the middle age you are still wearing a [TS]

00:39:38   shag haircut are actually just tired [TS]

00:39:41   like they feel like maybe those are the [TS]

00:39:43   tired people [TS]

00:39:44   yeah because I just don't trust my own [TS]

00:39:46   instincts you can hear me being trying [TS]

00:39:48   to be circumspect about this because I [TS]

00:39:49   know like I I'm hey I'm to use your [TS]

00:39:52   words a grotesquerie like I when I went [TS]

00:39:54   in today and I got my eyes examined and [TS]

00:39:56   got some new glasses are making for me [TS]

00:39:58   and egg every single pair of glasses I [TS]

00:40:01   put on look asinine still not nearly as [TS]

00:40:04   good as the ones my sister-in-law [TS]

00:40:05   throwaway nothing i'm angry but but [TS]

00:40:07   every every pair of glasses I put on I [TS]

00:40:09   looked like somebody who wanted to be a [TS]

00:40:11   danish architect for halloween [TS]

00:40:13   yes that was 60 yes you know they're all [TS]

00:40:16   very angular and Nordic or something [TS]

00:40:20   I and I just I'm afraid that if i get if [TS]

00:40:24   i got a shaggy haircut like pretty soon [TS]

00:40:27   i would be on the robert evans path like [TS]

00:40:29   I would start like moisturizing it's [TS]

00:40:31   right it's very Robin boys arises if you [TS]

00:40:33   can say to I moisturize I could see [TS]

00:40:36   moisturizing I don't even [TS]

00:40:38   I think I think lack of moisturizing is [TS]

00:40:41   maybe a problem for me because I i have [TS]

00:40:43   I IH I get it just uh huh and the way [TS]

00:40:48   that I solve my itch problem is that i [TS]

00:40:50   put super hot scalding water on the the [TS]

00:40:53   place where I hid genric I can't even [TS]

00:40:55   tell you how much hydrogen peroxide I'm [TS]

00:40:57   going through at this point I and it's a [TS]

00:40:59   wonderful [TS]

00:40:59   hi rush engines my game your you got me [TS]

00:41:02   into that burning now and I I can't look [TS]

00:41:04   back i use it on every part of my body I [TS]

00:41:06   use a mouthwash probably three or four [TS]

00:41:07   times a day and it foams and it burns [TS]

00:41:11   that you know working [TS]

00:41:12   yes but the problem the problem is i [TS]

00:41:16   went into the doctor and and I said I so [TS]

00:41:19   i'm using a lot of hot scalding water [TS]

00:41:21   and a lot of hydrogen peroxide to get [TS]

00:41:25   your my head it's 1920s took yer pretty [TS]

00:41:28   much all of my problem because in my [TS]

00:41:32   head I met i'm at a catalog facility [TS]

00:41:34   theory and they are giving me weird [TS]

00:41:38   times I thought you meant the bowels and [TS]

00:41:41   yea even a lot of steel cut oats and [TS]

00:41:44   scolding myself and pouring hydrogen [TS]

00:41:48   peroxide into the woods and the doctor [TS]

00:41:50   said well as it occurred to you that you [TS]

00:41:53   are using I mean that hot scalding water [TS]

00:41:56   and hydrogen peroxide both dry your skin [TS]

00:42:00   against skin Socrates you maybe you may [TS]

00:42:05   be experiencing itching because because [TS]

00:42:08   of the treatments that you're giving [TS]

00:42:10   yourself the unauthorized treatments and [TS]

00:42:12   maybe what you should do instead is [TS]

00:42:13   moisturize and I was like what is this [TS]

00:42:17   an estee lauder emergency room [TS]

00:42:20   I don't want to moisturize I don't want [TS]

00:42:23   to become a guy who moisturizes but then [TS]

00:42:26   I walked out of there and I was like is [TS]

00:42:28   this this is this is another right I [TS]

00:42:30   side of middle C I and this is the thing [TS]

00:42:32   with me and maybe it's like he maybe [TS]

00:42:34   it's like you and that unopened bottle [TS]

00:42:35   of whiskey like it's their right for me [TS]

00:42:37   like a friend of mine for I can for like [TS]

00:42:40   a stocking stuffer gift-giving some [TS]

00:42:41   keels cream [TS]

00:42:42   yeah it was really it felt really good [TS]

00:42:45   well sure that's how they get you you [TS]

00:42:47   know I'm trying to I'm trying to go the [TS]

00:42:49   other [TS]

00:42:49   Eunice's isn't you too it's real and [TS]

00:42:53   it's not even like I'm over a masculine [TS]

00:42:55   anything it's just complexity thing if [TS]

00:42:57   they don't want to and it's expensive [TS]

00:42:59   it's very very costly hot water is [TS]

00:43:02   negligible and costs even even during a [TS]

00:43:04   drought and then then you become a guy [TS]

00:43:06   who's like oh I can't go on that trip I [TS]

00:43:09   forgot my crazy i forgot my cream i'm [TS]

00:43:13   sorry i can't go walk to the top of the [TS]

00:43:15   of the hill with you I have to go to [TS]

00:43:17   town to get some more cream because [TS]

00:43:20   without it I am i I'm a sobbing wreck [TS]

00:43:25   we're going to have to catch a later [TS]

00:43:26   funicular haha him I have to go pick up [TS]

00:43:29   some creepy and propped up now in my in [TS]

00:43:32   my old age i propped up by cream and a [TS]

00:43:35   girdle and now you ever done that my [TS]

00:43:38   eyebrow pencils I'm telling you man I've [TS]

00:43:41   you boy up and they hold a back brace [TS]

00:43:43   and make you feel real slender know what [TS]

00:43:46   you're losing weight now because the [TS]

00:43:47   week ready story continuing to lose [TS]

00:43:49   weight or have you sort of most people [TS]

00:43:51   get to a certain point and then they [TS]

00:43:52   hang in the same plus or minus five six [TS]

00:43:54   pound area [TS]

00:43:55   yeah I have plateaued i have plateaued [TS]

00:43:57   at what was formerly my fat weight like [TS]

00:44:01   until I was 35 [TS]

00:44:03   I had a weight i had a top wait oh I [TS]

00:44:06   know what you mean an apology [TS]

00:44:08   yep yep and I never got to the thai hard [TS]

00:44:11   hardly ever got to the top way when I [TS]

00:44:13   did I was ashamed of Who and I was [TS]

00:44:15   always striving to get back to the [TS]

00:44:17   bottom way and I never quite got there [TS]

00:44:18   but then sometime in my forties I went [TS]

00:44:23   screaming past my top weight just like [TS]

00:44:26   top-down stereo on hair blowing in the [TS]

00:44:30   wind Nana the top weight was in the [TS]

00:44:34   review beer I was flipping double birds [TS]

00:44:37   i was peeing in a milk carton heading [TS]

00:44:41   down the highway and so when I stopped [TS]

00:44:44   eating wheat I like lost all that like [TS]

00:44:48   secondary top-weight AJ stop way to [TS]

00:44:50   jason's who top-weight annex and then I [TS]

00:44:54   got back to like top-weight neighborhood [TS]

00:44:57   and then i stalled and the wait wait [TS]

00:44:59   stop going off and I started like cheat [TS]

00:45:02   day started being [TS]

00:45:03   cheat weekend started being cheated you [TS]

00:45:05   know yeah but the thing is when I eat [TS]

00:45:08   wheat I still feel to Harrow that's it [TS]

00:45:10   that's it for me [TS]

00:45:11   yeah I taken off some weight because I'd [TS]

00:45:13   pretty much I did several I've done [TS]

00:45:15   several health related things that I [TS]

00:45:17   thought I needed to do getting more [TS]

00:45:19   sleep [TS]

00:45:20   trying to eat a lot more protein and you [TS]

00:45:22   know here's the thing i mean it's cool [TS]

00:45:23   yeah you know again back to the food for [TS]

00:45:25   happy new year but you guys been so long [TS]

00:45:28   since we've talked about it but for me [TS]

00:45:29   it's real simple like I don't want to [TS]

00:45:32   get into a thing I don't have the cycles [TS]

00:45:35   or the interest to dive into something a [TS]

00:45:37   totally bananas diet with a brand name [TS]

00:45:39   all I do is to everything I can to avoid [TS]

00:45:42   we accept when I can't and to eat stuff [TS]

00:45:45   with as much protein as possible i'm not [TS]

00:45:47   really worried about how much fat is in [TS]

00:45:48   it it's just if stuff like like begin [TS]

00:45:51   like beef jerky or things like that has [TS]

00:45:53   just blood tons of protein in it and it [TS]

00:45:55   will give you energy looking oh that's a [TS]

00:45:57   snack but if you eat that you will feel [TS]

00:45:59   better [TS]

00:45:59   whereas if i go on to sit down I'm going [TS]

00:46:01   to tuck into this two pounds of fucking [TS]

00:46:02   chow mein and I feel like shit like that [TS]

00:46:06   KFC now I'm out for like two days [TS]

00:46:09   yep yep and i'm i'm the same but but i'm [TS]

00:46:13   no longer i'm no longer accruing to [TS]

00:46:16   myself all of the like what I what I was [TS]

00:46:20   kind of what I was smugly calling the [TS]

00:46:25   tangential benefits like oh I didn't [TS]

00:46:28   quit eating way to lose weight quickly [TS]

00:46:30   week because blood is a middle-aged man [TS]

00:46:33   yeah I quit because of bullshit but then [TS]

00:46:36   it turned into real and also i'm losing [TS]

00:46:39   weight and now i'm not doing that [TS]

00:46:41   anymore and now it just feels like i [TS]

00:46:43   have a medical condition and i'm back in [TS]

00:46:46   a fucking brace I'm back I'm back in a [TS]

00:46:48   I'm back I'm back in my polio crutches [TS]

00:46:51   and now now it's like I'm still a fat [TS]

00:46:55   guy but i can't eat spaghetti anymore [TS]

00:46:57   Oh No so anyways so the other day i was [TS]

00:47:01   that that's terrible for a fact that [TS]

00:47:03   it's not good that guys love spaghetti [TS]

00:47:06   that guy if you get back i can't eat [TS]

00:47:08   spaghetti what kind of fact I do so I [TS]

00:47:10   was at the mall the other day for a [TS]

00:47:13   totally different reason [TS]

00:47:15   and I noticed that the more buying cream [TS]

00:47:17   i was that was not buying cream i was at [TS]

00:47:19   the mall because you know I'm a family [TS]

00:47:22   man and family men are required to go to [TS]

00:47:24   the mall food by the police and i went [TS]

00:47:28   there and I saw that there was an LA [TS]

00:47:31   fitness at the local mall and I became [TS]

00:47:35   curious about what an LA fitness is what [TS]

00:47:38   it represents [TS]

00:47:39   uh-huh so I went and I looked it is a it [TS]

00:47:43   is a chain of this is superficial and [TS]

00:47:45   only pretends to like it if it's a yeah [TS]

00:47:48   it's a fit its fitness place that is [TS]

00:47:50   stuck in traffic for two hours just a [TS]

00:47:52   locked door that's his call me sometime [TS]

00:47:53   and and so now I am toying with the idea [TS]

00:47:57   of joining a fitness club Bob Lee and [TS]

00:48:00   then going and then we'll be talking [TS]

00:48:02   about exercise are you gonna get bulky [TS]

00:48:04   don't get bulky John i don't i don't [TS]

00:48:07   think i think you know i have that skin [TS]

00:48:09   that doesn't am good because i do not [TS]

00:48:12   like looking at extremely fit all guys [TS]

00:48:14   I'd rather see a saggy old guy and [TS]

00:48:16   somebody with saggy old guy skin who [TS]

00:48:18   happens to have muscle pumps horrifying [TS]

00:48:21   using the chest of a muscular man [TS]

00:48:23   horrifying [TS]

00:48:24   yeah I mean it's not like the chest of a [TS]

00:48:26   muscular old guys anything to write home [TS]

00:48:29   well but at least its natural thing [TS]

00:48:31   about old people is the Paraclete tell [TS]

00:48:33   you I mean listen I'm looking at a [TS]

00:48:34   picture of paul weller right now and his [TS]

00:48:36   skin is the color of oxblood I mean he [TS]

00:48:40   is he is literally a court oven shoe [TS]

00:48:43   according to shoot from that is a [TS]

00:48:45   quarter-inch it has a quarter inch of [TS]

00:48:47   the face he has like a fringe of hair in [TS]

00:48:51   in like salt and pepper [TS]

00:48:55   that looks like somebody put a sham [TS]

00:48:57   while on his head but he looks awesome [TS]

00:49:00   he looks amazing but it was like he [TS]

00:49:02   looks like somebody left them out in the [TS]

00:49:04   Sun a little too i mean just in the [TS]

00:49:05   sense of he looks like he's a little [TS]

00:49:07   raisiny well he does and if you don't [TS]

00:49:09   sure I guarantee you it would look like [TS]

00:49:11   somebody somebody hung two persons on a [TS]

00:49:15   tree [TS]

00:49:17   not good what if you can tell your [TS]

00:49:24   trainer that's what you're looking for [TS]

00:49:26   yeah somebody hung two small brown [TS]

00:49:28   percent on a trip by the thinking more [TS]

00:49:31   like guys like to evening bags nothing [TS]

00:49:33   ostentatious but something to keep keep [TS]

00:49:36   the cream in but he looks great [TS]

00:49:40   he's graduating without didn't Nick Lowe [TS]

00:49:41   and I'd known it low i'm gonna guess i'm [TS]

00:49:44   gonna guess you know he's rich right we [TS]

00:49:45   talked about the scene it was Richard [TS]

00:49:47   Nixon logarithm never believed in a [TS]

00:49:48   million years he wrote uh didn't get [TS]

00:49:51   rich from using steam no no even better [TS]

00:49:54   like what is the path to fame today I [TS]

00:49:56   just like for example you make anything [TS]

00:49:57   up the OC soundtrack [TS]

00:49:59   oh yeah he has a song on the bodyguard [TS]

00:50:03   soundtrack [TS]

00:50:05   yeah rising tide raises all those boom [TS]

00:50:09   yep so he can do what he wants now [TS]

00:50:11   because he's on the fucking bodyguard [TS]

00:50:12   soundtrack right and that was like the [TS]

00:50:13   most advanced properties yes precisely [TS]

00:50:16   yeah yeah that happened to the posies [TS]

00:50:18   are you all rested powers know they had [TS]

00:50:22   that song on reality bites soundtrack [TS]

00:50:24   oh you're kidding me and the reality [TS]

00:50:26   bites soundtrack for whatever what it [TS]

00:50:28   was it represented at that moment in [TS]

00:50:30   time I think that people wanted to buy I [TS]

00:50:32   don't know I thought it was like [TS]

00:50:34   Soundgarden e-meter jami I don't know I [TS]

00:50:37   never that's awesome that's so that's so [TS]

00:50:39   great so that's that that's how they can [TS]

00:50:41   afford that luxury that they enjoy yeah [TS]

00:50:43   right exactly so they you know i think [TS]

00:50:45   that i think i think they have a extra [TS]

00:50:48   cash Chris blue says he's thinking of [TS]

00:50:50   retiring getting into the check-cashing [TS]

00:50:52   business [TS]

00:50:53   oh here's a picture of paul weller with [TS]

00:50:56   a with a fat Tommy [TS]

00:50:58   Oh something's going on with Paul keep [TS]

00:51:02   sucks [TS]

00:51:03   oh with the purple shirt purple shirt is [TS]

00:51:05   local chubby how he's getting that old [TS]

00:51:07   lesbian look yet but he does the quick [TS]

00:51:09   an old lesbian he looks like he's a [TS]

00:51:10   singer of the psychedelic furs [TS]

00:51:12   there is that one tumblr what is it old [TS]

00:51:18   man who looked like lesbians or [TS]

00:51:20   something like that [TS]

00:51:21   yeah I I got to the last page i looked [TS]

00:51:24   at every single page and i was sad when [TS]

00:51:26   i got to the end it might've been a [TS]

00:51:27   blogspot thing but you know I gotta say [TS]

00:51:29   nothing against paul well I am a fan I'm [TS]

00:51:31   a big-time sure but like I he kind of [TS]

00:51:34   looks like a lot of these photos it [TS]

00:51:36   looks a little bit like he had a [TS]

00:51:38   makeover for a time like you got it you [TS]

00:51:41   know what I'm saying this is again [TS]

00:51:42   nothing to disparage him he looks great [TS]

00:51:44   but it looks like he put this look [TS]

00:51:46   together for a while and that it was [TS]

00:51:48   hard to sustain that haircut is not a [TS]

00:51:50   haircut is not gonna take care of itself [TS]

00:51:52   you don't get that thing cut every two [TS]

00:51:53   weeks yeah yeah well I and that's the [TS]

00:51:56   thing it's a signature look so he can't [TS]

00:51:58   he can't get away from it you know what [TS]

00:52:00   I mean like it's not like paul weller [TS]

00:52:02   can just start wearing his hair like a [TS]

00:52:05   normal guy [TS]

00:52:06   yeah if there's there's an expectation [TS]

00:52:07   that he's going to show up in that hair [TS]

00:52:09   and that is a thing I have always tried [TS]

00:52:11   to avoid in my own case not that I'm [TS]

00:52:14   under the same pressure that Paul Weller [TS]

00:52:15   is under to represent well but you know [TS]

00:52:18   like whatever people say whenever people [TS]

00:52:22   start talking about my beard too much I [TS]

00:52:23   shave it off just to be difficult and [TS]

00:52:27   the the problem with that of course is [TS]

00:52:28   that as i get older i don't want to [TS]

00:52:30   shave my beard anymore it's just too [TS]

00:52:32   much just to recognizing over and [TS]

00:52:36   whenever I go to Europe people are in [TS]

00:52:38   that European way they're always really [TS]

00:52:40   happy to tell me like you should never [TS]

00:52:42   shave your beards you look a lot better [TS]

00:52:44   without some ways to get your face is [TS]

00:52:47   not as good and sweet tribute it's [TS]

00:52:50   probably it's probably a very very long [TS]

00:52:52   german word for beard Shape this shut up [TS]

00:52:55   you people [TS]

00:52:56   yeah i'm sure there is and i'm sure they [TS]

00:52:57   have said it to me and I i'm already [TS]

00:53:00   looking at the next person in the [TS]

00:53:01   Merchant I don't want to belabor this a [TS]

00:53:03   physical appearance issue but it is this [TS]

00:53:06   kind of the sort of haircut you're [TS]

00:53:08   thinking about well know now that i see [TS]

00:53:10   it on something vanderslice ii kinda [TS]

00:53:12   Paul vanderslice you know what what's [TS]

00:53:15   interesting about it when you really [TS]

00:53:16   look at those haircuts is they're very [TS]

00:53:17   choppy like they're they are they're a [TS]

00:53:21   little too like I remember when [TS]

00:53:23   vanderslice first started to cut his [TS]

00:53:25   hair really [TS]

00:53:26   really hip really young and I felt like [TS]

00:53:31   30 you know he's not he's not and and I [TS]

00:53:35   felt looks good looks real good [TS]

00:53:37   he does look good but that but my [TS]

00:53:39   initial feeling was that it was a little [TS]

00:53:41   too chair noble like its it seemed like [TS]

00:53:48   somebody got a little too many red we're [TS]

00:53:50   just glad you're alive i think what I'm [TS]

00:53:53   thinking of is ron wood or I'm thinking [TS]

00:53:54   of caregiving of Keith Richards it's [TS]

00:53:56   like 70 Sarah faces Iran would like but [TS]

00:54:00   spiky spiky but long time he looked like [TS]

00:54:04   Elvira I could find my friend i will i'm [TS]

00:54:07   afraid that the the part of me that [TS]

00:54:09   wants to be Keith Richards in 77 it was [TS]

00:54:12   gonna get this is like by this is like [TS]

00:54:14   buying a Corvette it's going to right at [TS]

00:54:19   the point where I finally like feel like [TS]

00:54:22   I've earned the right or I i can finally [TS]

00:54:25   you know I in my mind I can pull it off [TS]

00:54:27   I will already be so far past be able to [TS]

00:54:31   pull it off and i will just I'll just [TS]

00:54:33   look like such a dope and also keith [TS]

00:54:35   richards great eyebrows who and you know [TS]

00:54:38   and black hair like I don't have those [TS]

00:54:40   things [TS]

00:54:40   well let us talk about the elephant in [TS]

00:54:42   the room if you got these color to a [TS]

00:54:44   point where people could tell that you [TS]

00:54:45   have eyes do you think you do you see [TS]

00:54:47   yourself doing any shaping maybe of the [TS]

00:54:51   eyebrows oh yeah I mean I'm not saying [TS]

00:54:53   you go nuts and the same goal David [TS]

00:54:55   Ferrie but do you see yourself you know [TS]

00:54:56   doing some doing some manscaping of your [TS]

00:54:59   eyebrows you can get a great look you [TS]

00:55:01   get like Ashley Judd kind of a brown [TS]

00:55:03   like that changes everything [TS]

00:55:04   there's a lot there's a lot of people [TS]

00:55:05   out there who look completely different [TS]

00:55:07   after they did their eyebrows up well [TS]

00:55:09   let me tell you here's the thing about [TS]

00:55:10   that about my eyebrows it is not just [TS]

00:55:12   that they that I have these big blonde [TS]

00:55:16   eyebrows and you just can't see them [TS]

00:55:17   because they're blonde like I barely [TS]

00:55:20   have eyebrows is just hard to listen to [TS]

00:55:22   teach on the side of blonde hair up [TS]

00:55:24   there and the fields as i get older now [TS]

00:55:27   the hairs that are there are starting to [TS]

00:55:29   grow really long yako Brezhnev yeah i'm [TS]

00:55:33   already getting wizard eyebrows but they [TS]

00:55:35   are [TS]

00:55:35   but there's no there's not like there's [TS]

00:55:38   not really much there so it's like one [TS]

00:55:41   Brezhnev sticks out and then you know I [TS]

00:55:45   have the have the the rest of my [TS]

00:55:47   eyebrows like belong on an [TS]

00:55:48   eleven-year-old girl so i would have to [TS]

00:55:51   i would have to really just basically i [TS]

00:55:56   would have to fraudulently put eyebrows [TS]

00:56:00   on myself or go some goes away and maybe [TS]

00:56:03   have to have eyebrows surgically [TS]

00:56:05   implanted can you get can you go to a [TS]

00:56:08   like a hair club type so I get this [TS]

00:56:11   Broadway this is the beauty of such a [TS]

00:56:13   modest change is that there are so many [TS]

00:56:15   things you could go to a fucking [TS]

00:56:17   Halloween supply store to start you know [TS]

00:56:20   you can go up as high as you want i [TS]

00:56:21   would say don't go with things like the [TS]

00:56:23   tattooing in the permanent anything [TS]

00:56:24   because you never know you never know [TS]

00:56:26   what you eating everything fashions [TS]

00:56:27   change you know what I mean you might [TS]

00:56:29   decide that you you might finally have [TS]

00:56:31   freaked out someday I want to shave off [TS]

00:56:32   your eyebrows with no one would notice [TS]

00:56:35   John I don't think it's going to take [TS]

00:56:40   all that much for this to really make [TS]

00:56:42   your eyes pop you look good you should [TS]

00:56:44   do it well [TS]

00:56:45   ok so now now the question of course is [TS]

00:56:47   that mrs. ever since I discovered ebay a [TS]

00:56:51   week ago [TS]

00:56:52   yeah yeah i saw this you've been now [TS]

00:56:54   even bidding I've been on ebay and you [TS]

00:56:57   know and it's the wrong place for me to [TS]

00:56:58   be first of all and it is not it does [TS]

00:57:02   not bring out your better angels and [TS]

00:57:04   then the mi fear about this eyebrow [TS]

00:57:06   thing is that it is another example of a [TS]

00:57:09   kind of creeping materialism in my life [TS]

00:57:11   where if I'm really honest if I really [TS]

00:57:17   search my feelings i am trying to solve [TS]

00:57:20   a different problem than a lack of [TS]

00:57:23   eyebrows [TS]

00:57:24   I'm trying to put eyebrows on a [TS]

00:57:28   basketball you know what I mean I'm [TS]

00:57:31   trying to I'm drawing a face on a [TS]

00:57:34   volleyball and i am i'm investing my [TS]

00:57:38   friendship in it [TS]

00:57:40   except you're also the volleyball and [TS]

00:57:42   then one day what you are Wilson the the [TS]

00:57:45   one day the sea will take Wilson back [TS]

00:57:47   oh and then where will I be so I need to [TS]

00:57:52   I need to really ask myself do I meet so [TS]

00:57:54   the other day i was on i was on the [TS]

00:57:56   internet i was on ebay and i realized [TS]

00:57:58   that i did not even know that such a [TS]

00:58:01   thing as a tie case existed you know [TS]

00:58:05   that I cases now I know about tie racks [TS]

00:58:08   right what I case is a piece of luggage [TS]

00:58:11   a small piece of luggage that holds your [TS]

00:58:15   times are just be throwing written all [TS]

00:58:17   over it right it's a total Jesse thorn [TS]

00:58:20   thing and there and so all the fancy [TS]

00:58:23   people like hermes and a Christian I [TS]

00:58:30   think if you deliberately pronounced it [TS]

00:58:31   wrong and stays masculine and you know [TS]

00:58:35   and and whatever gucci these guys they [TS]

00:58:40   all make thai cases out of Corinthian [TS]

00:58:43   leather and then I should you not they [TS]

00:58:47   will sell them for three hundred dollars [TS]

00:58:49   or five hundred dollars or in the case [TS]

00:58:51   of louisvuitton probably $1,500 empty [TS]

00:58:55   not even a tie-in it doesn't include [TS]

00:58:58   another thing coming like a starter time [TS]

00:59:01   no its just oh it is just a piece of [TS]

00:59:03   luggage that is the size and shape of [TS]

00:59:06   half of a tie and you are meant to put [TS]

00:59:08   your tie in it and fold your tie a [TS]

00:59:10   couple of times and then put it in this [TS]

00:59:12   case in the case keeps it protected this [TS]

00:59:13   isn't a single ty i think you can put to [TS]

00:59:16   you 24 times it now that's funny and you [TS]

00:59:20   tuck it into your luggage is a total [TS]

00:59:22   Jesse third thing is he is attacking his [TS]

00:59:24   it you know his latest set of like [TS]

00:59:27   five-thousand-dollar luggage guys know [TS]

00:59:28   he's got his cravat brush holder and [TS]

00:59:30   guarantee you next to his cravat brush [TS]

00:59:33   holder case there is he has at least one [TS]

00:59:36   time case if not if not several anyway [TS]

00:59:39   so i'm looking online and I was like I [TS]

00:59:40   didn't even know that there was such a [TS]

00:59:42   thing as a tie case and now i want one [TS]

00:59:45   yeah now i want to take it all sex [TS]

00:59:47   politics and I'm on ebay [TS]

00:59:50   but I have this I still have this thrift [TS]

00:59:52   store mentality which is that the point [TS]

00:59:55   is not to get a thing at fair value the [TS]

00:59:58   point is to find a thing [TS]

00:59:58   point is to find a thing [TS]

01:00:00   that other people don't understand the [TS]

01:00:03   final thing that is ridiculously [TS]

01:00:04   underpriced because nobody notices it [TS]

01:00:07   like that's the thrift store game you go [TS]

01:00:10   in there and I mean I see things in [TS]

01:00:12   thrift stores all the time that are that [TS]

01:00:14   they know what it is they have priced it [TS]

01:00:15   reasonably and I am contemptuous of it [TS]

01:00:19   because reasonable price is not what I'm [TS]

01:00:24   one that's not why I'm here I'm here to [TS]

01:00:27   beat the game and find the diamonds in [TS]

01:00:31   the rough [TS]

01:00:32   so I'm on ebay and i'm looking at all [TS]

01:00:34   these Thai cases I'm like well there's a [TS]

01:00:36   thai case that's it that's a handsome [TS]

01:00:37   thing it's only nine dollars 999 i'm [TS]

01:00:42   gonna bid on it and I bet on it and then [TS]

01:00:44   two days later i come back and it's $75 [TS]

01:00:47   because it's a hermes and I say that is [TS]

01:00:52   ludicrous like that is ludicrous [TS]

01:00:55   it's a it's a ludicrous item to own let [TS]

01:00:59   alone to pay real money for let alone to [TS]

01:01:02   fight other anonymous people over so [TS]

01:01:06   then I'm like I'm searchin searchin I [TS]

01:01:07   find another tie case I'm like a lesson [TS]

01:01:09   that's it that's a nice-looking ty case [TS]

01:01:11   that's by a luggage company called [TS]

01:01:13   Gurkha and I bet on it 99 couple days [TS]

01:01:17   later i come back $55 and it sent three [TS]

01:01:21   days left to run and I'm and so I'm [TS]

01:01:25   getting emotionally worked up because [TS]

01:01:29   other people are stealing my tie cases [TS]

01:01:32   and I'm not really considering a I [TS]

01:01:36   didn't even know what a tight case was [TS]

01:01:38   ok i'll be i do not need a tie case I'm [TS]

01:01:41   45 years old I've never needed one [TS]

01:01:43   before I don't need one now and see a [TS]

01:01:47   these two of these type cases are [TS]

01:01:50   precisely items of conspicuous the [TS]

01:01:55   ultimate the whole point is the chair [TS]

01:01:57   that you buy something expensive [TS]

01:01:58   yeah you could make a tie case if you [TS]

01:02:00   can make a holster out of cardboard and [TS]

01:02:03   and packing tape you can make a fuckin [TS]

01:02:05   ty case on her cards right about [TS]

01:02:07   functions event of Evelyn good you get [TS]

01:02:09   it just because it's fancy [TS]

01:02:11   I that was a Thorstein Veblen reference [TS]

01:02:14   and you know I don't usually stop [TS]

01:02:17   I don't usually stop the the car and get [TS]

01:02:19   out to give you and give you a round of [TS]

01:02:21   applause but that was very nice [TS]

01:02:23   that makes me happy uh so but in any [TS]

01:02:28   case i did find that I case and and i [TS]

01:02:30   realized i looked at i looked on there [TS]

01:02:33   and-and-and I realized it was a [TS]

01:02:35   Christian Dior and the owner didn't know [TS]

01:02:38   what it was a hole that's right in your [TS]

01:02:40   wheelhouse that nobody else bothered to [TS]

01:02:43   because it was like it didn't say to [TS]

01:02:45   your honor but there was a little emblem [TS]

01:02:46   that was like some early dior stamp and [TS]

01:02:50   I don't care about christian dior I [TS]

01:02:51   don't have a single item of that brand [TS]

01:02:55   it means nothing to me but the fact that [TS]

01:02:58   there was this thing which I did the [TS]

01:03:00   research to know was a thing that value [TS]

01:03:03   that the owner and the other customers [TS]

01:03:06   did not recognize was a thing I was very [TS]

01:03:08   excited and I bid on it and I want it [TS]

01:03:10   congratulations for five dollars [TS]

01:03:14   Wow get out walk away you're done with [TS]

01:03:17   vegas I've dollars and then six dollars [TS]

01:03:19   shipping so eleven dollars total I gotta [TS]

01:03:21   tie case a vintage Christian to your tie [TS]

01:03:24   case which the next time i see Jesse [TS]

01:03:27   thorne I'm going to waggle it in front [TS]

01:03:30   of his nose [TS]

01:03:31   i'm going to say i'm in a wagon so he [TS]

01:03:33   can smell the Corinthian in the leather [TS]

01:03:35   is a look at that [TS]

01:03:38   waggle waggle waggle waggle I'm not even [TS]

01:03:41   gonna put ties in it i'm just going to [TS]

01:03:43   carrier I'm gonna carry it around in the [TS]

01:03:45   hopes i'm gonna run into jesse thorn so [TS]

01:03:48   i can i can draw it under his nose and [TS]

01:03:50   be like five dollars will be like why do [TS]

01:03:53   you look different [TS]