0:00:00hello a John hi Merlin is going pretty
0:00:10good pretty good pretty good little bit
0:00:14sick it's a little early on come on
0:00:17I thought we were over this you know I
0:00:19thought so too but i but I you know I
0:00:21went to the oregon coast i was walking
0:00:23on the beach in the winter in the night
0:00:26and the sick mites got me
0:00:32it blew up my nose flute the flu seems
0:00:36that it's not absolutely that's right
0:00:38but it's not so bad I feel like that but
0:00:41feel like a kind of threw the worst then
0:00:43he sounded pretty good considering
0:00:45yeah i woke up it i went to bed at like
0:00:47I like four o'clock in the morning and I
0:00:51said which is you know which is not
0:00:54doing too good but but a but i but I
0:00:57felt I felt confident it's a new year
0:00:59this this is this four o'clock in the
0:01:01morning thing is not going to be the
0:01:02regular pattern and I was like listen
0:01:05I'm going to sleep 211 and that is going
0:01:08to be seven hours of sleep and that is
0:01:09fine that's a good that's that's how i'm
0:01:13going to run tomorrow and then i woke up
0:01:16at seven forty-five in the morning just
0:01:17just woke right up bolt upright
0:01:21yeah and I was like I walk right up and
0:01:23I was and I was humming a song by whole
0:01:25day it's were little good and I was like
0:01:30ah I hate you forever for mentioning
0:01:34that is not in my head to try to go back
0:01:36to sleep and I made my bed a lion I
0:01:39admit I made my breasts so gross but you
0:01:44know busy day busy i got a lot of stuff
0:01:47going on doing what he's so busy with
0:01:49their people are barely back at work and
0:01:51you're out there is this is part of the
0:01:52new political regime is this your new
0:01:53media the three-point career what's
0:01:56going on
0:01:57that's my media three-point on queries i
0:01:59decided i decided that the the last week
0:02:02of last year that i was going to hire
0:02:06somebody
0:02:07oh you ready for this
0:02:10I can't wait to hear so many things you
0:02:13could use help with i decided that i
0:02:16needed help and that front for so long
0:02:22I've been waiting for help to arrive and
0:02:28help you know help would come around
0:02:31help would come and help would be
0:02:33outside the fence and it would be kind
0:02:34of looking over the fence and I be
0:02:36inside the fence looking koi like a kind
0:02:39of Mary Poppins like you said you needed
0:02:40it like something which show up with an
0:02:43umbrella and will be just what you need
0:02:44it
0:02:45exactly except Mary Poppins never came
0:02:48through the fence and I think I've some
0:02:50of it was I never invited her in some of
0:02:52it was that it you know I i pulled I
0:02:55pulled up the paving-stones who from the
0:02:59gate to the porch it because i was going
0:03:02to redo it and then I then I didn't
0:03:04really do it and then it just became
0:03:05muddy bog i sent a message
0:03:09yeah it does it does i have black people
0:03:11come over and say would you put down
0:03:12some bricks or or paving stones or
0:03:15something it's just like you you're the
0:03:18path from your gate to your house is
0:03:20like is like a trip through the Mekong
0:03:22Delta maybe you should start by having
0:03:25Mary Poppins a stonemason somebody I
0:03:27could start and could really just do you
0:03:29know step 0 next time that is step serve
0:03:32somebody shows up at my house and build
0:03:33their own path to my door
0:03:35that's not my experience any kind of
0:03:37professional help is a little bit like a
0:03:38vampire
0:03:39I mean it'll it'll be there but you have
0:03:41to invite it in the only way you can let
0:03:42the vampire aim is to say please come
0:03:44into the house
0:03:45exactly so so at the end of last year I
0:03:47was like you know what I keep I inv the
0:03:50people I know who have helped I I have
0:03:53all these things that are on back
0:03:56burners I mean this my stove has so many
0:03:58back burners its back burners to
0:04:00infinity and the front burners are just
0:04:03like there's a there's that teapot that
0:04:06i hardly ever use only when guests are
0:04:08over and then the other panels got bacon
0:04:11grease and I think this is common for a
0:04:13lot of people don't wanna get some
0:04:14common John I think a lot of people i
0:04:16know including me suffer from this and
0:04:18people who are trying to accomplish
0:04:19virtually any
0:04:21thing and especially virtually anything
0:04:22on their own quote unquote running these
0:04:25things were like yeah that can wait and
0:04:28right you know where it's absolutely
0:04:32true and and I know about myself that
0:04:34the thing that troubles me a each and
0:04:36every time is not the is not the show I
0:04:40don't have any in him I don't have any
0:04:44apprehension about getting up onstage
0:04:47and putting on a show
0:04:48the thing that inhibits me is the making
0:04:53of the phone call to the guy who's
0:04:56running the lights I don't care I don't
0:04:59want to make the phone call I don't want
0:05:01to talk to the guy that's running the
0:05:02lights and the and that is the phone
0:05:06call that it stands in between me and
0:05:08putting on the show and so the show
0:05:11doesn't get get put on because i don't
0:05:13want to call the guy that's doing the
0:05:14lights and talk to him for five minutes
0:05:16about the stupid light show that is
0:05:19that's the difference between a good
0:05:21showing up in and for me it also then
0:05:23becomes the dread of taking on new
0:05:26enterprises that will require an
0:05:28inevitable waiting for a call from the
0:05:29light guy that's right you think okay do
0:05:31I really want 10 more of these and so
0:05:33the dread is compounded by the fact that
0:05:35everybody I know that has a manager
0:05:37spends twice as much time as they used
0:05:42to spend managing themselves complaining
0:05:44about the poor job that the managers to
0:05:46and everybody I know that has an
0:05:49assistance spends half of the time that
0:05:53spends twice twice the time cleaning up
0:05:55after their assistant but there are a
0:05:58few there are a few examples of people
0:06:00that have incredibly collaborative
0:06:03relationships with the somebody that
0:06:05helps them and the person that helps
0:06:08them is not also trying to be a
0:06:10songwriter or whatever the person that
0:06:14helps them is not also trying to manage
0:06:16michael buble you know there's somebody
0:06:19there is this person in the middle
0:06:22who's like the same scale as me the same
0:06:26realm as me
0:06:29we speak the same language but they are
0:06:31on the side that is like oh called a
0:06:35lighting guy you're kidding
0:06:36done boom and where they got the mind
0:06:40for that kind of thing not mine mine for
0:06:42it they got the mind fourth day they
0:06:44love to do it
0:06:45my sister if you if you have if you have
0:06:48a complaint with a with a with a
0:06:51customer service agent my sister will
0:06:53shoulder you out of the way to make the
0:06:55call for you because she loves dealing
0:06:58with customer service agents it's a dead
0:07:01end and if my sister and I got along
0:07:03better
0:07:03she would be a great manager for you I
0:07:06wouldn't be rejected out of hand maybe
0:07:08you need somebody you don't get along
0:07:09with but he'll understand the problem
0:07:11domain
0:07:11well and this is the big ten years ago
0:07:13if I had it all to do over again invited
0:07:17all to do over again I what about apple
0:07:19stock but if I had it all to do over
0:07:20again I would have invited my sister to
0:07:22be my manager 20 years ago and maybe we
0:07:25would be in a different place now
0:07:26because she mean it that way if that was
0:07:29actually her job she would have woken me
0:07:32up the next day and been like what the
0:07:33fuck you doing
0:07:34he's sleeping he's sleeping for a little
0:07:37while what am I supposed to man i'm
0:07:38supposed to manage you sleeping
0:07:40get up you know and we would have been
0:07:42on it that we would have been so we'd be
0:07:44somewhere else now anyway so today I'm
0:07:47having a meeting with some people who
0:07:52are going to help me find some other
0:07:55people who are going to help me aahh
0:07:58this is exciting because i think you
0:08:01you're doing something smart i was going
0:08:02to offer you advice but you're way ahead
0:08:03of me i think one way a lot of these
0:08:05things go wrong and I think you
0:08:07we've talked about this you know this
0:08:08one thing that goes wrong sometimes is
0:08:10hiring is being too abrupt about hiring
0:08:13a person who is either cheap familiar a
0:08:16fan of something but making some kind of
0:08:18a rookie mistake about bringing somebody
0:08:20in and that's what leads you into having
0:08:21to like manage a person it you know if
0:08:24you went out to hire a plumber you
0:08:26wouldn't care if they're familiar with
0:08:27your work you would get somebody who's
0:08:29just really good at the loop
0:08:31right and and so in this case you have
0:08:33you have a blue ribbon panel is going to
0:08:35help you exact find the right person
0:08:37looking if I could ask if you can say if
0:08:39you know and can say are you looking for
0:08:42more of a manager or more of an
0:08:44assistant
0:08:45well here's the thing so as I was as I
0:08:48was conceiving of this person I'm like
0:08:50what do i want i want someone who is
0:08:53half the time an assistant and who does
0:08:57not balk at assistant work and yet
0:09:03aspires to grow with me into a position
0:09:09where they are doing managerial work and
0:09:14I know for a fact that the thing that
0:09:17inhibits me most about doing anything is
0:09:20that is the dread I feel about the
0:09:24process of finding a person not
0:09:26miserable
0:09:28I don't want to think about it so I
0:09:31called a friend that I knew was too busy
0:09:35to help me and I said hello friend that
0:09:39too busy to help me and yet is an office
0:09:41manager for a non-profit right so has
0:09:45the skills and i said hello friend
0:09:47I know you're too busy to do this work
0:09:49will you help me find somebody to help
0:09:52me do this work
0:09:54and this was like the type of thing that
0:09:57she excels at tune and so she is now
0:10:01embarking on a project of interviewing
0:10:05people on my behalf so that she can find
0:10:11three candidates that then I can talk to
0:10:14and pick pick up one of while right and
0:10:19so what I'm looking for and this is the
0:10:20thing i have and the other thing I'm
0:10:22grappling with is now i have to be
0:10:23prepared to pay this person for the work
0:10:28that they do I have to be able to pay i
0:10:30have to be well it's not an ability to
0:10:32pay i have to be willing to pay them
0:10:34like a and I have to discover them the
0:10:41way that I'm going to pay them and the
0:10:43amount that i'm going to pay them right
0:10:44there is co measure it with the work and
0:10:49it's all very it's all very new and
0:10:51exciting and then the working conditions
0:10:53would be working conditions such a
0:10:57fantastic that's true there's such a
0:10:58thing as a pay they get to talk to me
0:11:01and hear my ideas in the full freshness
0:11:05wow moment they are conceived that's a
0:11:09benefit
0:11:10I knew a guy and I I can't decide if
0:11:13this is super douchey kind of smart or
0:11:15something else but he embarked on this
0:11:17particular kind of experiment as well
0:11:19and for the first I remembering this
0:11:24correctly I think what he did was hired
0:11:26in your case went out and hired all
0:11:28three from month and then discovered
0:11:32fairly clearly them against each other
0:11:34maybe the five shirtless and effective
0:11:36through a knife on the floor and said
0:11:38one of you is going to be my brand of
0:11:39you get the pool cue now but i mean i-i
0:11:43me according to know
0:11:44according to know for most douchebags
0:11:45everything works according to them but
0:11:47in this case of the things you'd expect
0:11:49but um but you know that's kind of
0:11:50person has a system let's be honest you
0:11:52but if you were to hire several people
0:11:54you would also learn fast you would
0:11:57learn fast how to deal with people and
0:11:59just give up the fact that for a month
0:12:00and a half you're just gonna be a
0:12:01manager that's going to get you to be
0:12:03annoyed you'll discover whether you can
0:12:04deal with this situation but
0:12:06bet you will discover within a week and
0:12:08a half at the outside which one of these
0:12:11people is most likely work out for you
0:12:12and then consequently whether you can
0:12:14afford them because they're that good
0:12:15you know saying you could offer to give
0:12:18somebody an e3 people eat un dollars
0:12:21freedom for two weeks right unless
0:12:23they're looking for some kind of bigger
0:12:25commitment but I mean you might learn a
0:12:26lot by doing that I mean the problem is
0:12:28it takes takes so you know I hate that
0:12:30were training people but it takes so
0:12:32long to acclimate somebody to the way
0:12:34that you work right and no one
0:12:37distinction this is really fast I'll but
0:12:39one distinction between an assistant
0:12:40manager and assistant is somebody who
0:12:42you pay to learn how to work for you and
0:12:46how to make and how to do the stuff that
0:12:48you need them to do but a great manager
0:12:50in some ways somebody tells you what you
0:12:52need to be dealing and then helps you to
0:12:54do it and the thing is i the the all the
0:12:56great managers that I have known are
0:12:59ones that came up with the band and they
0:13:04were the they were the fifth Beatle
0:13:05their dicks some of them are the worst
0:13:09ickle some of them are the fucking worse
0:13:11but there are a few of them who were
0:13:14just like the heat they were the the
0:13:16roommate of of the guitar player and
0:13:20they didn't play guitar but they were
0:13:21like i'll i'll make the t-shirts or
0:13:23whatever and and they learn the whole
0:13:25process as the band is learning the
0:13:27process and so they learn the band's
0:13:30process as the band is learning it and
0:13:33they become incredibly effective
0:13:35managers because they're members of the
0:13:37family
0:13:37absolutely because there they have a
0:13:39slightly different view port into it
0:13:41being you know these Ivy they're looking
0:13:42for where the money is going to come
0:13:43from if they're able to introduce course
0:13:47corrections sometimes painful course
0:13:49corrections but to introduce those
0:13:51before it becomes a problem right
0:13:52instead of realizing oh my gosh you know
0:13:55we're going to be able to finish this
0:13:56tour because we're not gonna have money
0:13:58based on these gigs that got cancelled
0:13:59they can find other gigs or they could
0:14:01say well here's here's harriers like
0:14:03three options for how to deal with this
0:14:04next I think this one is really good and
0:14:06I can help you do it and because they're
0:14:08not not sitting there being the dumb
0:14:09drummer god bless them like that that
0:14:11could be somebody whose heads in a
0:14:12slightly different area of the business
0:14:14well so right now i want to start doing
0:14:17a show
0:14:17Oh a week here in Seattle
0:14:22oh yeah the run of at the rendezvous
0:14:23small shall we
0:14:25and here's what I need I need somebody
0:14:26to call the rendezvous and suggest this
0:14:28idea to them thats it thats good test
0:14:31that's the first one right and that is a
0:14:33job that is not exactly an assistant job
0:14:36because you have to call the place with
0:14:39a certain amount of proprietary
0:14:42arrogance like you have to be able to
0:14:46cut you don't call a place like the
0:14:47rendezvous which is there like a shitty
0:14:49little tiny dive bar and beg them for a
0:14:54spot you have to call and say renowned
0:14:58international artists of stage and then
0:15:00pod John Roderick wants to do a show
0:15:04here once a week i'm not saying that you
0:15:07guys should be grateful but that might
0:15:12be a place to start little gratitude
0:15:13that i'm calling you today
0:15:15you know like you need to you need to
0:15:17set the you need to set the relationship
0:15:19up in that the tone in the first phone
0:15:21call but i also need this person after
0:15:25they've and i'm presuming that the
0:15:27rendezvous is going to be thrilled about
0:15:28this and they're gonna they're gonna
0:15:30agree that they coming coming right in
0:15:33the book like everyone else i don't know
0:15:36i think the book is gone my big its
0:15:38online now
0:15:39mm it's all about Peters no but then I
0:15:42need somebody to actually sit at the
0:15:43door and take the five dollars from
0:15:46every person and I New York the arch
0:15:48table but work the merch table get the
0:15:50get the names down in a in a book that
0:15:53is and and run the ticket sales for the
0:15:56next show
0:15:57so the that's it say it is a
0:15:59constellation of skill sets right
0:16:02there's the there's the merch table set
0:16:04which is one thing and there's the you
0:16:07know it's all in the family right so I'm
0:16:09looking for somebody and I'm and and two
0:16:12if i find this person if i find this
0:16:14right person I feel like I have so much
0:16:19stuff on the back burners
0:16:22that in the next six months i could say
0:16:25okay now what about this now i can you
0:16:28handle this now what about this can you
0:16:29get this going and you're gonna have a
0:16:31person could take all that on and it
0:16:33would not need to be overwhelming for
0:16:34them right and I feel like I feel like
0:16:37they could double my income in a year
0:16:40just because because that because of all
0:16:44the money i leave lying around you it's
0:16:47just like Oh would you help me do this
0:16:49yes boom and so if they are able to
0:16:52double my income in a year i am like I
0:16:55would be into paying them a percentage
0:16:59of what I make I mean I would be ready
0:17:01to start treating them like a manager
0:17:03right away because i think the i think
0:17:08the the fruits would be right there it
0:17:12would be the platter of fruit in pretty
0:17:16short order
0:17:17um but that said I've dealt with a lot
0:17:24of people and the the right person is
0:17:30like you say not maybe the person that
0:17:33knocks me out in the interview or maybe
0:17:37not the you know like that's a it's a
0:17:39job you evolve into a night and I really
0:17:42you know the problem with the this this
0:17:46interview with three people because i'm
0:17:49going to do i'm gonna be my dad when I
0:17:50walk into that interview i am going to
0:17:52instantly try and charm them you know
0:17:55that the interview is going to be i'm
0:17:57going to act as though it is an audition
0:18:01like a Hollywood audition of me I'm
0:18:03innocent man walking to be like hello
0:18:05nice to meet you swell sit down no
0:18:08please make yourself compliments like be
0:18:10performing a version of myself for these
0:18:14kids
0:18:15presumably kids made you know about my
0:18:18brother and my dad is a perfect example
0:18:20my mom was telling me about there's at
0:18:23least one 62-year old Chinese man that
0:18:26well that's the thing she said you're so
0:18:28awesome
0:18:29my mom said your father you're imagining
0:18:3122 year old girls with fingerless gloves
0:18:35so is sixty-something Chinese man how's
0:18:37everything with a green visor that I
0:18:40already called the round
0:18:42I've already got more coffee coming up
0:18:44Mia I know the guy my mom said your
0:18:48father had a had throughout her life a
0:18:51succession of secretaries that saved his
0:18:57life over and over and over again every
0:19:00penny he made he made because he had he
0:19:05always had a great secretary and she
0:19:08always made the phone calls and she
0:19:10always as he's rushing out the door
0:19:13throwing on his his trench coat in his
0:19:15hat they always you know stopped him at
0:19:19her desk and said David David I just
0:19:21need you to sign this one thing and he
0:19:24would go home we are made sign it and
0:19:26that piece of paper would be the thing
0:19:28that kept the lights on right and what
0:19:34when my dad was when he was in his
0:19:37seventies he had a secretary who was
0:19:40like oh what's your what's your
0:19:42retirement plan and my dad said uh-huh
0:19:47I don't know um well I've got an Audi i
0:19:50could probably sell that uh what else
0:19:57and she was like seriously you don't
0:19:59have a you know you have no retirement
0:20:01he was like uh-oh i'm gonna live forever
0:20:04and she in between her other work back
0:20:13in an era of like licking stamps
0:20:16envelopes she put together that his
0:20:20wartime service his time in the
0:20:24legislature his time working for the
0:20:27Alaska or the first for the federal
0:20:29government in Alaska his time working
0:20:33for the Democratic Party in Washington
0:20:35all this uh he was you know all all of
0:20:38his work
0:20:41so much of it was government work that
0:20:43it when you filled out all the forms it
0:20:48added up to a government pension as
0:20:53though he had worked for the federal
0:20:54government for 45 years and she did all
0:21:00this you know she wrote the Veterans
0:21:03Administration and asked for his records
0:21:06and it turned out that when he first
0:21:09enlisted in the Navy when he first
0:21:12enlisted in the naval ROTC they spelled
0:21:15his name one way and when he joined the
0:21:16maybe they spelled his name another way
0:21:19and so she had to find those two records
0:21:22and write the Department of the Navy and
0:21:25get them put together and wrote all
0:21:29these letters over the course of five
0:21:31years she's just always just constantly
0:21:33just sending letters to various
0:21:36government agencies and in the end she
0:21:39put together his retirement that
0:21:44absolutely he I mean had she had it not
0:21:48been for her
0:21:49my dad would have been living in a
0:21:52shopping cart i squared or he would have
0:21:55been living in his audi and as it was
0:21:58you know he retired and and and you know
0:22:01and of course he acted as though her
0:22:06government remember you know he like
0:22:08didn't he was great things that you're a
0:22:10menace amount of initiative synthesis
0:22:13and follow through
0:22:14yeah the initiative to like be aware
0:22:16what's out there synthesize that
0:22:17information and then follow through with
0:22:19a freaking government agency to make
0:22:21sure you get what you need out of it
0:22:22yeah and that work that work had to be
0:22:25personally gratifying to her in a way
0:22:27that people that love spreadsheets you
0:22:30know like get the act of tracking and
0:22:33researching it's you know it's a
0:22:35librarian mentality of like I'm going to
0:22:37find this and I know how to write the
0:22:40thing and I'm going to get it and then
0:22:43when i get it i'm going to put it with
0:22:44this other thing you know but also like
0:22:46a tremendous amount of love for him
0:22:50that she would have spent this time you
0:22:55know as well as she could have just been
0:22:58punching a clock on this job but she's
0:23:01doing this work that's gonna you know
0:23:03that that is that pays off for him after
0:23:06he's after they've parted ways like
0:23:08she's still alive I'm sure she's working
0:23:11somewhere maybe she's retired but she
0:23:13like did this work on behalf of my dad
0:23:15and according to my mom through his
0:23:17entire career
0:23:18the one thing he knew how to do was hire
0:23:21a secretary that would that that could
0:23:26run his business and his life and she's
0:23:28telling me this I'm like oh fuck it's
0:23:33the one thing I need to learn how to do
0:23:35right
0:23:36I don't need to learn how to call the
0:23:38rendezvous I need to learn how to hire a
0:23:40secretary
0:23:44how'd you come up with the test
0:23:49well I was just thinking I mean one idea
0:23:51is to have a fairly simple as simple to
0:23:55describe task that ends up having unseen
0:23:58complexities and then see how they
0:23:59handle and I'm thinking here
0:24:00higher higher zero number one you don't
0:24:03get Jason Finn to pretend to be somebody
0:24:05and then have them have to deal with him
0:24:07haha so you know there's a your dog
0:24:13here's the bird i need you to go and and
0:24:15get whatever it is it could be that you
0:24:17need new uniforms for the band and he is
0:24:19the quote unquote you know not for
0:24:22supply guy
0:24:23it could be that he runs the rendezvous
0:24:24it could be whatever it is but you can
0:24:26come up with some kind of a basic
0:24:27challenge where he would respond in
0:24:29certain inscrutable ways and then you
0:24:31see how they handle it
0:24:32mm and he could give you a frank you
0:24:35know recounting of how it went well that
0:24:40you know I that's a good idea and he
0:24:42would be he would definitely be a good
0:24:44you can you do that for a living it's
0:24:46interesting you know as you said that I
0:24:48pictured him suddenly with a with a tape
0:24:50measure around the neck of his shirt and
0:24:52a pair of glasses down the end of his
0:24:54nose and I realized that's what he
0:24:56actually is jason is actually a tailor
0:24:59he's like Taylor that's that that front
0:25:02of shop that is really like an OSS I
0:25:06like underground huh
0:25:08he's the tailor of panama you come in
0:25:12you pull back on one of the mannequins
0:25:14in a big door opens and there's like a
0:25:15cave full of weapons
0:25:17well but so but the but the tax that the
0:25:21the litmus test what I fear is that that
0:25:28I have to pass right attacked the test
0:25:32which is like I have a friend who has a
0:25:34very very very good relationship with
0:25:38his assistant who has now kind of
0:25:41transitioned into being his partner and
0:25:45when they first started working together
0:25:48it was very much in the seat that the
0:25:51assistant was very much in an assistant
0:25:53role and when and during that time when
0:25:58the assistant was still young and
0:26:00precocious and wet behind the ears the
0:26:04assistant did a lot of things that I as
0:26:08a bystander was like this kid is a is a
0:26:12unit he's callo this guy's a dingaling
0:26:17he's a dingaling and my friend was like
0:26:19yeah well he does these things for me so
0:26:22whatever and then I was you know but I i
0:26:27can never sky can never keep myself from
0:26:29giving an unsolicited opinion and so
0:26:30repeatedly I said to him in this
0:26:33assisted you got to get rid of this guy
0:26:35he's just he doesn't reflect well on
0:26:37because he's a daily then my friend was
0:26:41much more sanguine is like yeah well he
0:26:45gets the stuff done so what you know
0:26:47doesn't matter to me if I don't I don't
0:26:50care if people think he's a tingling and
0:26:54there was one particular instance where
0:26:55the assistant got drunk shit-faced drunk
0:26:59at an event
0:27:02and if it if it had been me I would have
0:27:06read this kid the riot act the next day
0:27:09I would have embarrassed him up and down
0:27:12what the hell you think you're doing
0:27:14getting drunk in a thing like that you
0:27:16know that looks you know I would have
0:27:18liked taking it as an opportunity to
0:27:20teach this kid a life lesson and it
0:27:24would have left a bad taste in
0:27:25everybody's mouth and it would have been
0:27:28paternalistic and I would have been
0:27:33completely justified in doing it but
0:27:36what ended up happening is the kid was
0:27:43in bear uh in in actual life this actual
0:27:47person was embarrassed he be realized on
0:27:50his own without being yelled at that he
0:27:54needed to get better and he became more
0:27:59professional pretty quickly as he grew
0:28:06into his job and now he is an eighth now
0:28:11he is an incredibly professional useful
0:28:15partner and part of that
0:28:20self-determination on his part and the
0:28:25self actualization of himself in that
0:28:27role self-awareness in humility was
0:28:30entirely due to the fact that no one
0:28:32ever yelled at him and no one ever
0:28:35lecture him about why the blah
0:28:37he discovered in himself and that's how
0:28:40he grew and became a man and i watch
0:28:44that happen in this relationship with my
0:28:46friend and realize that i would have
0:28:48inserted myself into that process right
0:28:51as a pedagogue over and over and I would
0:28:56have fucked it up
0:28:57I would have fucked the kid up i would
0:28:58have fucked the relationship up because
0:29:01I would have been trying to micromanage
0:29:02his transition into adulthood or not
0:29:06micromanage but like guide and Shepherd
0:29:08and
0:29:09mentor you you would have made it all
0:29:12about your own emotions instead of what
0:29:14that person actually needed in terms of
0:29:16personal development
0:29:17yeah right this kid got drunk at an
0:29:18event so what the next day he was
0:29:21embarrassed and he talked to some other
0:29:24people about it and they were like yeah
0:29:26you were pretty wasted and he was
0:29:29embarrassed and when he went and talked
0:29:33to his boss the guy who he works for
0:29:35black I didn't say anything about it he
0:29:39just was like well we get to go where we
0:29:41have to get done today and the kid made
0:29:44his own move and the you know and the
0:29:47boss was the boss character in this role
0:29:51was relieved not only of the of the duty
0:29:56of all the unhappiness and that is the
0:30:02interview that i don't know if i can
0:30:05pass route right how do i empower and
0:30:08assistance to make mistakes and not you
0:30:15know and not my in my own way freak out
0:30:19and lose it so your little what antsy
0:30:22about how my go today because you want
0:30:24to make sure you're up to the task to
0:30:25well yeah I mean so everything that's
0:30:29happened in the last six months since I
0:30:31stopped eating wheat since I went on all
0:30:36kale diet since I discovered Scientology
0:30:39since Jesus came into my life everything
0:30:44that's happened for the last six months
0:30:45I have been wondering I've been looking
0:30:47at myself and I've been saying is are
0:30:50you just in a manic phase you've been
0:30:55you've been on this train your whole
0:30:57life
0:30:58six months on six months off and when
0:31:00you are manic you sleep four hours a
0:31:03night and you every idea seems great
0:31:06and you go out in the yard and you plant
0:31:08tulips everywhere and then six months
0:31:13later and all turns to shit and you know
0:31:19and your yard is just this riot of fun
0:31:22pruned tulips and you're just in the
0:31:27bathtub like whistling Dixie
0:31:29how do I know that I'm not how do i know
0:31:34i'm not just setting up a bunch of manic
0:31:38like sand castles and I'm gonna get a
0:31:44hunky kept his assistant i'm going to
0:31:45get all this stuff going on and then I'm
0:31:48yeah and and in reality i'm just having
0:31:50an episode
0:31:51yeah well yeah I wasn't thinking about
0:31:59what it is that you really want to do
0:32:00your talking about you know it's almost
0:32:02like you don't see it being a parent but
0:32:04you're looking for an opportunity to get
0:32:07some help but also grow in some ways
0:32:09like you it in my own words what i would
0:32:11say is that you know I've realized that
0:32:13I'm not a good manager i would
0:32:15theoretically like to be a better
0:32:16manager but every time I've tried to do
0:32:18anything management-related I failed
0:32:20horribly because it's really boring it's
0:32:22not fun it's not what i like to do and I
0:32:25feel like it's a huge derail from
0:32:26everything I should be doing so I do
0:32:27nothing instead and then lifestyle back
0:32:29burners again but but you know to get
0:32:31the right person for this job you need
0:32:32somebody who's not just I mean in my
0:32:34tiny bit of experience with this my the
0:32:37the i could write almost every failure
0:32:39down to the fact that i just did not do
0:32:41a good job of training and communicating
0:32:43andrey communicating and retraining and
0:32:45and not correcting but like just showing
0:32:47like well more like this like that
0:32:49that'sthat's we know it's really simple
0:32:51right i mean I somebody if somebody
0:32:52working your restaurant and didn't know
0:32:54how to cook you and just yell at him all
0:32:56the time you would just let them make
0:32:57crap it's a not so much salt
0:32:59yeah more like this like the right and
0:33:01so it fits for what you're really trying
0:33:02to work towards which is somebody who's
0:33:04on the track to becoming a management or
0:33:06partner type person someday
0:33:09it requires really requires you to have
0:33:13a really so certain kind of personality
0:33:14but also to know what it is that you
0:33:16want because
0:33:16you find somebody who's super organized
0:33:18and really likes Excel spreadsheets
0:33:20they're gonna they're gonna get really
0:33:21frustrated if you're constantly changing
0:33:23the game or not answering the phone or
0:33:25so that's something that I like it is
0:33:27clear i need help but what I need the
0:33:31what I need most is that I am helping
0:33:34people but I and that is what I don't
0:33:38know can I beheld the project is really
0:33:41to make you help people can I hire
0:33:43somebody to learn to teach me to be
0:33:45helpful chance the win for everybody
0:33:47it would be if you became more i think
0:33:49about it not you at all of us if we all
0:33:51became or more helpful
0:33:54yeah well this is the thing about about
0:33:56your in my program we are trying to help
0:33:58people
0:33:59yes and we have seen over and over that
0:34:01some people are very helpful and some
0:34:04people are less helpful
0:34:06yeah and it's not going to deter us from
0:34:09helping the people who can and should be
0:34:11helped but really what we really want is
0:34:15to help the people that can't be helped
0:34:17oh I think that i think that's that's
0:34:20really that is deep in your DNA is to is
0:34:23to help us helpful it is I need to I i
0:34:26need somewhere inside me i need to help
0:34:28the people that cannot be held at jeans
0:34:30were done talking and hi I'm realizing i
0:34:35am one of those people
0:34:36I need to I need to learn to be helped
0:34:39the call is coming from inside the John
0:34:40that's really something
0:34:43cry me Pete so today is gets going to be
0:34:47very interesting is gonna be a big day
0:34:48I'm gonna go sit in a coffee shop my
0:34:51native environment and I'm gonna have
0:34:53people who know how to make phone calls
0:34:55and uh and turn on computers i'm going
0:35:00to have them tell me that there is a
0:35:03plan and then i'm going to try and
0:35:05figure out what i need to do what do I
0:35:08need to do and maybe the answer is
0:35:11nothing yet
0:35:13you know maybe what I do next is nothing
0:35:16yet because you're not ready you're not
0:35:18helping enough yet yeah what is
0:35:19happening now what's happening is that I
0:35:21am watching things unfold and things are
0:35:25going to you know like and yet i'm not
0:35:28i'm not waiting anymore you know like
0:35:32yeah I want this to happen i'm i'm gonna
0:35:34go forward posture well so I i am i'm
0:35:39not crazy about people who are really
0:35:42into Lake tricky interviews and tricky
0:35:45questions and you know kobayashi Marie
0:35:48situations all those Chinese finger trap
0:35:50shiny now if you got a 62 year old
0:35:53Chinese man but I don't want to be ping
0:35:55pong but you know what you could one
0:35:57thing you could say you don't be too
0:35:58cute but one thing you could say
0:35:59especially if you're interviewing one
0:36:01person at a time is to say hey look i'm
0:36:02new to this i'm not saying that to avoid
0:36:05criticism I'm saying that to ask for
0:36:07help
0:36:07what are you most worried about and if
0:36:09you if we if you took this job
0:36:11what do you think would be the biggest
0:36:11pain-in-the-ass and dealing with me and
0:36:13then how could you help me get better at
0:36:14that is how they respond could be kind
0:36:18of the instructive you see how honest
0:36:21they are you know it's always feel like
0:36:22what's your biggest although it's really
0:36:24that i'm so excited too generous
0:36:26everything that i really don't really
0:36:30want to pay attention to how many things
0:36:31I truly am quite outstanding at up fault
0:36:35i have to admit
0:36:36hmm i don't know i don't know but the
0:36:39problem is like it maybe the hire three
0:36:41people and get them to talk to Jason
0:36:43Finn the Panama Taylor maybe that's a
0:36:45good step stage two but you need to
0:36:48first find your own comfort level you do
0:36:50you need to be you need to you know and
0:36:52have a coffee shop in your mind and make
0:36:53sure that you're comfortable with who
0:36:54you're dealing with
0:36:55because you don't want to make it a
0:36:57thing you don't want this to turn out
0:36:59shitty and then you don't want to do it
0:37:01again and now you're back in your right
0:37:03of tulips
0:37:04right right right I that's not what I
0:37:05don't nobody wants that nobody benefits
0:37:07from that that's not growth i want to
0:37:09and and the thing is that part of my
0:37:14ambition is that you know this is this
0:37:18is one of these middle-aged problems
0:37:19when I wake up I wake up now and the
0:37:22first thought that comes into my head
0:37:23and how is not it's no longer like
0:37:26I'm gonna write a rock opera that's
0:37:27gonna make every woman in the world see
0:37:29how wrong she was first and noble that's
0:37:35Nick's first thought that popped into my
0:37:38head now is your goodbyes
0:37:40you're gonna be said you were mean to me
0:37:43that mean anything to you
0:37:44all women are going to be said that one
0:37:48woman was made to be no the first
0:37:51thought that pops into my head now is if
0:37:53I don't get these thoughts out of my
0:37:54head i will die and they will go to
0:37:57their go to my grave with me like no
0:38:00pressure
0:38:01yeah i have i have seen some shit i have
0:38:05seen attack ships on fire off the
0:38:07shoulder of Orion that's right and if
0:38:09and ears in the race ice cream hot want
0:38:12i do not want there's some of that stuff
0:38:15I don't want to have lost and that and
0:38:21you're saying something kind of
0:38:22important here you're saying that you're
0:38:24starting to actually take your work more
0:38:26seriously you're taking the quotation
0:38:28marks off of the art and you want to be
0:38:29a fucking gentleman about making some
0:38:31stuff but you can't do that as long as
0:38:33you got too many tulips on the back
0:38:34burner
0:38:35well this is the thing about being a
0:38:36maker of things i say you know i i'm i'm
0:38:39always engaged in this conversation with
0:38:40people inside the somebody asked me to
0:38:43write an article for Esquire the other
0:38:45day they are higher
0:38:47[Music]
0:38:51they said they said it seems like the
0:38:59internet is getting worse
0:39:00you seem like just the kind of crank
0:39:02that would have an opinion about that
0:39:03would you write an article about how the
0:39:06Internet is getting worse
0:39:07oh boy I said remember wheelhouse you
0:39:11know what if there's anything we need we
0:39:13need more podcast about comics and more
0:39:15articles about what's wrong with the
0:39:16internet magazine articles on the on
0:39:20esquire.com you take 1 i'll take the
0:39:22other haha so i'm writing this thing
0:39:25it's that you know I'm just I'm I'm some
0:39:27playing the singing saw again
0:39:30how do you know there was a talk about
0:39:36how the Internet is getting worse and
0:39:39now you know like talking about art is
0:39:41not making art and you know and I
0:39:46realized like you really considering
0:39:51writing an article for Esquire magazine
0:39:54related to the internet about how
0:39:56talking about art is not making art are
0:39:58you fucking kidding me
0:39:59not only not only am i considering it i
0:40:03have done it haha ok but I'll always
0:40:09look forward to the hat but i'm thinking
0:40:12i'm in civil union I'm like I'm here and
0:40:16here i am again what is it that I make
0:40:19like what do I make i watch these videos
0:40:21online all the time about get to get you
0:40:24know like you ego dr. Billy Duffy from
0:40:26the cult about his guitar rig and he's
0:40:29standing on a darkened stage with some
0:40:32guy up holding a microphone Adam and the
0:40:34guys like so tell us about your
0:40:36pedalboard Billy Duffy was like oh well
0:40:39oh that's I got a distortion box over
0:40:43here
0:40:44it kicks it with his foot minute delay
0:40:47pedal and you know Billy Duffy that's
0:40:49what Billy Duffy does he plays the
0:40:51guitar by what witnesses other cult
0:40:54I'm sorry him and you know be talking
0:40:59about that little make major scale
0:41:01descending things
0:41:02doesn't she still thinks oh yeah I could
0:41:06die now I know exactly camp and pedals
0:41:09Wow and this is one of the chorus
0:41:11that's right he uses it rolling they see
0:41:14that that's a signature self but you
0:41:20know what I could stand up there
0:41:21somebody pointed the camera me I could
0:41:22stand up there and tell you about my
0:41:24pedalboard and they would be and and I
0:41:26would happily do it but there are other
0:41:29things I want to tell people about to
0:41:30and how do i do it and does it is what i
0:41:36do is what I have to say next
0:41:38does it rise to the level of art or is
0:41:42it crash
0:41:43left or is it is it just like art
0:41:47buchwald love is it gene Shalit Larry
0:41:52King if it isn't Larry King like all of
0:41:54these guys I mean there are there are
0:41:56guys who have a who have made a made a
0:41:59life for themselves being sort of in
0:42:02this pundit class and nothing bae have
0:42:05done really will survive the test of
0:42:10time
0:42:11right i mean gene shallots writing about
0:42:16film is not going to survive 200 years
0:42:23but it was it was a valid life for a man
0:42:29you know it used his skills like there
0:42:33are all kinds of pundits and talkers and
0:42:38thinkers of their time of their moment
0:42:41whose work does not last but they were
0:42:45still important and valid in their era
0:42:50and guys like dave berry or exactly what
0:42:55i was thinking of Dave Barry right like
0:42:57will they read Avebury 200 years from
0:43:02now who knows like Shalom I like a lake
0:43:06him people read him now as a person
0:43:11yeah he's like the he was the the Jewish
0:43:17Mark Twain honey keep but-but-but-but
0:43:21bigger better like a not better but but
0:43:24he was he was the first guy to write
0:43:28colloquially in Yiddish in a bit but but
0:43:33treating it like it was literature
0:43:35literature and yet he he wrote fiddler
0:43:38on the roof but not the musical but like
0:43:42he wrote the story of teryan incredibly
0:43:47influential writer but also a vernacular
0:43:50writer like a like a a guy riding in his
0:43:55time of his time
0:43:56I'm not trying to he's not trying to be
0:44:00melville he was trying to just right for
0:44:03his people but his work rose to the
0:44:06level of you know it transcended its its
0:44:11humble craft dave barry pj o'rourke are
0:44:16these guys going to 200 years from now
0:44:18are people gonna be like Dave Barry was
0:44:21the 20th century writer that best
0:44:23captured the sound of the street and the
0:44:28and the thoughts of the of the average
0:44:32god maybe who knows nobody liked
0:44:35Melville and is in his time really you
0:44:41know nobody read moby-dick until after
0:44:42he was dead and i think the day he died
0:44:47if you had said Moby Dick is going to be
0:44:48required reading in in western legs
0:44:52still think I still think it's a prank
0:44:53nobody would believe that many years I
0:44:57just can't believe it
0:44:59have you read Billy Budd it is a prank I
0:45:02moby-dick my god haha i mean i guess if
0:45:06you see college called postmodern it
0:45:09makes it more interesting Mitchell at
0:45:10the plate let me understand something so
0:45:12let me get to the core of this it's
0:45:14partly that if I understand you're
0:45:15saying that you're the question that
0:45:17you're asking is you got people who are
0:45:19like whether you like them or not and
0:45:21indisputably primary creators of the
0:45:24primary culture so you know the Beatles
0:45:26wrote and recorded the songs though
0:45:29people listen to for a long time you
0:45:31know Mozart you know wrote this music
0:45:33James Joyce with these novels or
0:45:35whatever whatever your example that is
0:45:36now somebody who is a famous critic of
0:45:39games choice might do great work but
0:45:43will they be remembered as well as the
0:45:45personal upon his source material in the
0:45:47same way that something on Twitter
0:45:48cracking jokes about lost its not the
0:45:50same as the person who made lost right
0:45:52do people read secondary and tertiary
0:45:54secondary and tertiary levels where is
0:45:57it about SAS which is kind of it
0:45:59no a different thing everybody can put
0:46:02the name montagne but like that people
0:46:04actually reading him
0:46:05yeah but people are reading Pepe's
0:46:07Diaries yeah they put on Twitter
0:46:10so you've got to put it on Twitter yeah
0:46:12but this is the problem with when you're
0:46:14a young man when you're young artists
0:46:16you do not want to be anything less than
0:46:20one of the one of the great one of the
0:46:25great my primary primary creators though
0:46:27primary creator economical crisis that a
0:46:30silly distinction I think there's a
0:46:31difference I think like I hear you in my
0:46:33head anyway saying well writing about
0:46:35the internet for Esquire is that the
0:46:37same as writing shapes right performing
0:46:40shapes those are those are one of those
0:46:41is undeniably like a-a-a-a tempo love
0:46:45primary culture making another one is
0:46:48you know writing about stuff right but
0:46:50as I as I approached middle-aged mean
0:46:53one of the things i have reckoned with
0:46:54as a creative person is mi like does my
0:46:58work justify itself or I mean it
0:47:04mmm there are lots of Bam's and am I
0:47:10meant to do this or that
0:47:13am I meant to be a primary creator of
0:47:16like and and I and I believe I am but
0:47:21what is that next thing that I want to
0:47:24do I don't think it is writing essays
0:47:26for Esquire about the internet that is a
0:47:29thing that i am that i do because
0:47:31somebody sends me an email and I go and
0:47:34I stand I say and I don't have a manager
0:47:36so I go yeah sure
0:47:38alright that and you know
0:47:41well sure that that's you know that's
0:47:43like it pays pretty well yeah yeah there
0:47:46are three major magazines and have
0:47:47sometimes been pretty surprised by by
0:47:49which you pay for those things well and
0:47:51and and so so as we get as we got closer
0:47:54to january first you know I have this
0:47:56amount of money that I that I have this
0:47:58arbitrary amount of money as I decided a
0:48:00few years ago I had to make every year
0:48:01and as at identify and it's just it's
0:48:05completely arbitrary if I if I make it
0:48:07or don't it doesn't matter if I if I
0:48:11consistently don't make that much money
0:48:13for like five years i'm gonna be in
0:48:15trouble right but the amount the target
0:48:18is like a fairly imaginary and as I was
0:48:22as we were getting close to
0:48:24you out to New Year's I was like $2,000
0:48:28short of its of this imaginary amount
0:48:32and I was like it's January 29 i'm not
0:48:38going to get it i'm not going to make my
0:48:40mom I'm not gonna make my target
0:48:41december twenty I'm sorry just December
0:48:4429 i'm not going to make it and it
0:48:48wasn't a big deal
0:48:49I that and I had a couple of people who
0:48:51were like oh I owe you that you know
0:48:531,500 bucks i'll get that to you don't
0:48:55have fresh money you needed you need to
0:48:57get a little bit of fresh real primary
0:48:59money that's right and so I agreed to do
0:49:01this I agreed to write another thing for
0:49:03somebody i agree to United creates all
0:49:06these things at the end of the year and
0:49:08then january thirty first I got an email
0:49:10from my publishers who are like up
0:49:14settling up at the end of the year
0:49:16uh we forgot you know we are you 2,500
0:49:18bucks or whatever
0:49:19boom and I was like hey Barbra trickery
0:49:23yeah I made the arbitrary amount but
0:49:27anyway back to the back to the other
0:49:29thing like yeah I cannot think about my
0:49:36place in the in the on the in the
0:49:41library right i just have to make the
0:49:44next thing and I have to make it with
0:49:46passion I have to make the thing that
0:49:48I'm here and I hope you I hope you
0:49:50believe that John because i think that
0:49:51would be very good advice for you to
0:49:53take
0:49:53yeah yeah I just don't anybody library
0:49:56library i'll take care of itself you
0:49:57make us and if you make enough stuff
0:49:58it'll show up in the library don't worry
0:50:00and and what happened the only time i
0:50:02spend worry about the library is when
0:50:04i'm not actually making stuff right if
0:50:06I'm Faulkner was a problem drinker when
0:50:09he wasn't writing at if you're making
0:50:13stuff you're nothing about where it goes
0:50:14you're just making it just you know you
0:50:16where it goes is just like get it out of
0:50:19in front of me so I can make the next
0:50:21thing
0:50:22so this is why you need to hire mr. Lee
0:50:25need to hire mr. Lee and he's gonna you
0:50:29know what he's going to sit next to me
0:50:30and every time I pull up pull a page out
0:50:33of the typewriter like James ce qu'elle
0:50:35etait what that credit sequence at the
0:50:38end you have to get cheers sitter boosts
0:50:43it who gets dog
0:50:45the guy with the little green visor is
0:50:48going to take the piece of paper and
0:50:49he's gonna split on the stack and he's
0:50:53gonna say I'm about the United I'm
0:50:55taking this somewhere or maybe you know
0:50:57whatever i could he could be lying to me
0:50:59he could be just burning them in the
0:51:01yard point is you're getting stuff done
0:51:03the point of the fuck is nothing now so
0:51:06the other day I in the in the pursuit of
0:51:10this new idea who which could maybe a
0:51:13manic episode the entire thing that John
0:51:16time and tide you say not even exist
0:51:19yes they are all be i may be sitting in
0:51:23her you're telling me that you may not
0:51:25actually have a podcast in which you
0:51:27discuss your feelings of unwell pneus
0:51:29about whether you're creating art by
0:51:31having written and syr piece about
0:51:33whether the M internet is getting worse
0:51:36yeah I could be the character and
0:51:38metallic was one look at you could be
0:51:43fine at that's taking up in a VA
0:51:47hospital imagining this whole life John
0:51:52Roderick got his gun but I so the other
0:51:55day I bought a macbook air
0:51:57alright we have so much to talk about
0:51:59and you've got to go hire somebody
0:52:01well sorry so you what did you get the
0:52:03extra ramp so I got the extra ram cake
0:52:05but what is amazing to me about this is
0:52:09that McIntosh and I don't think this is
0:52:11just something that's happening in me I
0:52:13thought this computer and something has
0:52:17happened Macintosh Apple has made this
0:52:22they have made this device which is a
0:52:25cultural device they have made a thing
0:52:27that made a box now for so long that
0:52:31that purports to do these things for us
0:52:34that is this
0:52:36magicbox ok and i have bought enough of
0:52:39these magic boxes over the years and
0:52:42have turned them on each time with it
0:52:45with it like Dewey and fizzles hope and
0:52:48expectations i am going to make up I'm
0:52:51gonna make a film of all of my photos
0:52:55and i'm going to put it into my calendar
0:52:58and I'm gonna stand me added added to my
0:53:00contacts writing that square it's it's
0:53:04and this is going to streamline my
0:53:05process and i'm just going to sit here
0:53:07it's like it's like the coffee maker or
0:53:08the automatic light this is going to be
0:53:10the thing that changes everything right
0:53:11that's not you too Liz gonna fix it all
0:53:13and what would it was amazing as i
0:53:15bought this macbook air and I came home
0:53:16and I I threw the box with the computer
0:53:20and it unopened on the table and I went
0:53:24about the rest of my day and the next
0:53:28day my lady friend was over here and she
0:53:32said I can't believe you haven't you
0:53:34bought a new laptop and you haven't even
0:53:35opened it and I looked over I was like
0:53:38oh yeah yeah
0:53:42oh how open that today probably and i
0:53:48was astonished to discover that i had no
0:53:50excitement that I was not in the least
0:53:55bit thrilled about my new computer that
0:53:58i knew i needed it and i bought it so
0:54:02that i could take it places and right on
0:54:04it but opening it and discovering the
0:54:08new operating system and syncing my
0:54:14contacts
0:54:16uploading my data to the cloud it all
0:54:23like the the thrill was gone and the
0:54:28tape it to fix some some good examples
0:54:30of that examples
0:54:31those are good examples of things that
0:54:33they're not so great in front ease when
0:54:35i open my mail when I finally did open
0:54:38the box and I turned on the computer and
0:54:41it went boom be in here and the lights
0:54:44come on and here's the computer and look
0:54:46at it and I go oh wow awesome and I
0:54:49touch it with my hand
0:54:51the first thing that pops up is a the
0:54:55itunes let your Apple ID know the itunes
0:54:59agreement has changed please click
0:55:03accept
0:55:04please click click agree and then the
0:55:07second thing it was like you need to
0:55:08download newts new software you need to
0:55:11you know update your update your OS so
0:55:14the thing that came in the box didn't
0:55:16even have the it wasn't it needed to be
0:55:18updated and the first three hours I
0:55:23spent with the new machine was just
0:55:24doing administrative exit clicking i
0:55:29agree on 25 because every single piece
0:55:34of software that needed to be updated
0:55:35also i needed to click a new Apple
0:55:39agreement yes and your password and
0:55:41enter my password and I was just like
0:55:44they have finally done it they have they
0:55:48have made this creativity box that is
0:55:52supposed to the end had it not only
0:55:56supposed to but has successfully freed
0:55:58us all from the drudgery of having to
0:56:01get up in the morning and chop wood and
0:56:04go to the bathroom and an outdoor toilet
0:56:05and iron are pillowcases it's all gone
0:56:09now and because we're all artists and
0:56:11geniuses and we all have this amazing
0:56:14powerful box that can they can collate
0:56:17our work and they have made it now into
0:56:22a drudgery
0:56:23and buying this computer I was just like
0:56:26I've just gotta go out and chop some
0:56:30wood to heat up the stove in the Privy
0:56:34so that i can take a shit on a wooden
0:56:38toilet seat happened i was so it was
0:56:45just like what's what next
0:56:50how now brown cow yeah I'm sorry John I
0:56:56i wish i wish i could have something to
0:56:58say about making it easier to line up of
0:57:01you know I think once i get my contacts
0:57:03synced yeah I'll be a lot happier it's
0:57:05gonna be a lot easier for you yeah that
0:57:07looks it'll take an hour to don't worry
0:57:09you can be done with that note i'm in
0:57:11the process with my wife has had 14
0:57:14versions of every contact for three
0:57:15years no matter what we've ever done to
0:57:18fix that she comes right back
0:57:20she gets 14-14 ecology accounted
0:57:23accounted plus i have my guy I know
0:57:26named Jason santa maria is in my
0:57:28contacts as Jason Santa Santa Santa
0:57:30Santa Santa Santa Santa stand aside from
0:57:32marie apt because it just works the best
0:57:36part was I went so I'm or so this
0:57:38computer you know didn't give me an
0:57:39option it was going to upgrade the 10.9
0:57:41or whatever but I went the computer i'm
0:57:43talking to you on now I was like oh now
0:57:46got a new computer i'm going to sync it
0:57:48with my old computer eating you that you
0:57:51didn't start by pulling that over but I
0:57:53can't because my old computer is running
0:57:56ready 10.6 still make that no they don't
0:58:01and so I went online and I was like okay
0:58:04I'm going to upgrade to 10.9 i guess and
0:58:07before I click on the button i started
0:58:09reading the reviews 1 star 1 star 1 star
0:58:12this is a carbon joanna is re reviews
0:58:15garbage oh is garbage Oh as this is
0:58:18gonna ruin your life and the problem the
0:58:20thing is I have post-traumatic stress
0:58:22disorder because i have upgraded you
0:58:25know on my little iPhone or whatever I
0:58:27put the new OS on there multiple times
0:58:29and every time it just turns it just
0:58:31breaks that
0:58:32never crash it's haha
0:58:35I've never had so many crashes on any
0:58:40phone i've ever owned
0:58:42then I have in the last month and a half
0:58:43M it wakes up to get that when he wakes
0:58:46up and just get a little white apple
0:58:47because you use your phone a lot
0:58:50I mean you really use it right i used
0:58:52the shit out of my phone and my phone is
0:58:54so there is a ghost in the machine now
0:58:57that was so what happened was I was I
0:59:00was on grand bahama as you do earlier
0:59:04this year without a message board
0:59:06no reds and it's an island i was on it i
0:59:09was on one of the Bahama Island got it
0:59:11and I was riding a scooter around the
0:59:14island as you do and i was on that very
0:59:18far end of the island and I got caught
0:59:22up in a Caribbean rainstorm and I was
0:59:28wearing white linen pants and a white
0:59:32linen church which look smashing
0:59:36when they're dry but when they're wet
0:59:39you basically look like a mozzarella so
0:59:49wet and so I'm riding through his you
0:59:56know i'm riding through this this the
0:59:58beautiful tropical
0:59:58beautiful tropical
1:00:00paradise just didn't get close get
1:00:03longer and bigger well yeah Leslie just
1:00:05like Lady cheese you can treat you can
1:00:09see every dimple annual mon ha and you
1:00:15know when i'm almost i'm driving fast
1:00:17because i'm on this i'm on the scooter
1:00:19and looks like that's what type scooter
1:00:20yeah look at this yeah and i have my
1:00:23phone in my pocket and that amount of
1:00:27wet a bottom aenean linen pocket wet is
1:00:32a lot of wet it's a lot of wet and it
1:00:34was enough wet it's not like I dropped
1:00:36it in the in the toilet like my phone
1:00:38that i would consider this to be normal
1:00:40use but the phone i know for a fact
1:00:43whatever that little button is inside
1:00:45that turns colors yet they can tell
1:00:47that's really got really wet again they
1:00:49can tell you about that you know about
1:00:51the yeah and then they just shake their
1:00:53head at you and they're like there's
1:00:54nothing we can do
1:00:56and so that's the thing is like friction
1:00:59on the frame jam flipping on the plots I
1:01:03mean every time I turn it on the first
1:01:05thing it does is it types for TJ's and
1:01:07k's in a you know just like Skid i'll
1:01:19put it up just like jkjkjkjk and I have
1:01:23to reset it