Roderick on the Line

Ep. 85: "Steamin' John"


00:00:00   hello [TS]

00:00:06   I John I Berlin oh no yeah no yeah I'm [TS]

00:00:15   sick [TS]

00:00:16   you sound he sounded like so sick you [TS]

00:00:19   like make-believe sick [TS]

00:00:20   yeah I be playing it up a little bit [TS]

00:00:22   kind it's awful but this is these are [TS]

00:00:24   the first words I have spoken all day oh [TS]

00:00:26   John sorry you have to this and now you [TS]

00:00:31   owe ya [TS]

00:00:32   now you're feeling better I feel much [TS]

00:00:34   better John I think you're susceptible [TS]

00:00:36   is acceptable [TS]

00:00:39   I i feel like the Northwest has a lot of [TS]

00:00:44   spores and I'm vulnerable to spores I [TS]

00:00:49   think anywhere there's virgin see there [TS]

00:00:51   shall be spores [TS]

00:00:52   mhm it's like somebody set off a guy a [TS]

00:00:55   bob it's like Spock set off a guy bob [TS]

00:00:59   except that sub of scores on route be [TS]

00:01:03   you you sound like like I don't like [TS]

00:01:08   Mason Reese and commercial robots haha [TS]

00:01:10   haha by bologna has a first David's osca [TS]

00:01:16   or what he's doing he's probably a [TS]

00:01:18   junkie [TS]

00:01:19   it's probably a junkie is probably I [TS]

00:01:24   want to help you John what I want to [TS]

00:01:26   cradle your giant head he probably lived [TS]

00:01:28   in a pug pad this is a door of all I [TS]

00:01:33   though why is there not a John Roderick [TS]

00:01:35   babies outside haha but there should be [TS]

00:01:40   there should be items i'm a huge baby [TS]

00:01:42   when i'm sick too [TS]

00:01:43   yeah who also be in the nursery with [TS]

00:01:46   India think oh I'm up I'm up babies I [TS]

00:01:49   feel like really kind of kick that off [TS]

00:01:51   yeah I didn't like them but i think that [TS]

00:01:52   i think that mel brooks and Marlo Thomas [TS]

00:01:54   should be in the in the in the little [TS]

00:01:59   babies [TS]

00:02:00   no I'm just born I'm a baby but I [TS]

00:02:03   definitely a girl is that boy yeah [TS]

00:02:08   there's and girls don't I so I open two [TS]

00:02:13   cans [TS]

00:02:13   progressive chicken noodle soup today [TS]

00:02:15   and i ate the soup and I left the [TS]

00:02:19   noodles in the bowl because I've got any [TS]

00:02:22   carbohydrates you are born again hard [TS]

00:02:29   yeah but I diets shouldn't do this John [TS]

00:02:33   this is gonna be too much of a strain on [TS]

00:02:35   you no no it's good i did the [TS]

00:02:37   socialization when did you realize [TS]

00:02:40   you're getting sick [TS]

00:02:41   well so the the band has been rehearsing [TS]

00:02:45   and it's been a long time since we used [TS]

00:02:51   our practice space and it has become [TS]

00:02:53   damn and so the first the first day we [TS]

00:02:59   were there I was like oh is that mildew [TS]

00:03:02   smell ya I gotta get the dehumidifier [TS]

00:03:04   but that's hard to find dehumidifiers I [TS]

00:03:07   i have looked when I was a kid that was [TS]

00:03:10   weak you know ye air conditioning yeah [TS]

00:03:12   you can always count on you have to have [TS]

00:03:14   a dehumidifier and a little thing with [TS]

00:03:15   Phyllis water is very reassuring you [TS]

00:03:17   dump it out [TS]

00:03:18   yeah it out about the sticky water [TS]

00:03:20   that's in the air and it is NH green [TS]

00:03:22   stance if I got in there [TS]

00:03:24   4444 every 50 humidifiers there is what [TS]

00:03:28   dehumidifier but I think I five I found [TS]

00:03:31   what the other day I think I found [TS]

00:03:32   whether it's its operating down [TS]

00:03:34   it's like it's a humidifier dehumidifier [TS]

00:03:37   which which ad I'm suspicious of [TS]

00:03:40   extremely suspicious of that you know [TS]

00:03:42   pick one exactly like she can't what [TS]

00:03:45   and they would it's time to humidify you [TS]

00:03:47   just put the same sticky spore water [TS]

00:03:49   back at the air you pick up like an oven [TS]

00:03:50   / refrigerator [TS]

00:03:52   I mean I'll double it so anyway I d [TS]

00:03:56   better flight but it but it was too late [TS]

00:03:57   for B and I was hoping I honestly was [TS]

00:04:01   hoping that that that now that i'm not [TS]

00:04:02   eating carbohydrates that I had would [TS]

00:04:06   have suddenly developed super immunity [TS]

00:04:09   to disease that all by health problems [TS]

00:04:14   at all my mental health problems were [TS]

00:04:16   all just a product of eating sugar [TS]

00:04:18   but in fact up just that's probably the [TS]

00:04:21   sugar was even a bulwark against no no [TS]

00:04:25   here's the thing you don't know you you [TS]

00:04:27   might have been it might be that you [TS]

00:04:29   should have gotten way sicker way center [TS]

00:04:31   oh you do all the right things I want to [TS]

00:04:34   talk about talk to hydrogen peroxide a [TS]

00:04:36   little at some point you can bathe a lot [TS]

00:04:39   you use a lot of hydrogen peroxide you [TS]

00:04:41   doing everything right you cut off the [TS]

00:04:43   noodles [TS]

00:04:44   hmm and no more noodles same moon so [TS]

00:04:48   you're I your herzing yeah well you know [TS]

00:04:50   back in the old days the punk-rock days [TS]

00:04:53   when the junkies that I knew couldn't [TS]

00:04:54   find Mara heroin and they couldn't get [TS]

00:04:57   methadone on the street from junkies [TS]

00:05:01   that were getting methadone and then [TS]

00:05:03   selling it [TS]

00:05:05   what they would their third line of [TS]

00:05:07   defense was theraflu and all the heroin [TS]

00:05:11   addicts that appear in seattle at least [TS]

00:05:15   that I knew would get theraflu to help [TS]

00:05:18   them with their sickness restart it when [TS]

00:05:21   they couldn't get drugs no they would [TS]

00:05:22   take it as to prescribe they would drink [TS]

00:05:25   the hot mugs of theraflu and they were [TS]

00:05:27   like it's just like heroin it's just I [TS]

00:05:29   mean it's not quite as good as heroin [TS]

00:05:30   but it's it'll do in a pinch [TS]

00:05:32   which is why i never used to take their [TS]

00:05:35   flu but now I'm feel like end times i [TS]

00:05:40   have really mixed feelings about it [TS]

00:05:42   because when i was a kid i was trying [TS]

00:05:44   minocin kid learning member was in that [TS]

00:05:46   but I mean I think there's great flavor [TS]

00:05:48   grope you what my head those yucky [TS]

00:05:50   tasting big yellow pills and the the [TS]

00:05:53   have half a grown-up one or whatever but [TS]

00:05:55   you know the thing is like their flu all [TS]

00:05:57   its really doing is for stalling the [TS]

00:06:00   game itself it's stopping you up [TS]

00:06:02   yep you think is any benefit to just [TS]

00:06:04   sitting with your pain and suffering [TS]

00:06:06   through it i mean you can make there are [TS]

00:06:07   some people i think i'm getting as I [TS]

00:06:09   think there are some people who believe [TS]

00:06:10   they can take something like a theraflu [TS]

00:06:12   it may not make it worse but you're not [TS]

00:06:14   getting the poison [TS]

00:06:16   yeah I believe that and I've spent the [TS]

00:06:17   last 20 years not taking medicine of any [TS]

00:06:20   kind not even aspirin but lately I have [TS]

00:06:24   grown soft particularly when I am [TS]

00:06:29   looking forward to doing a podcast with [TS]

00:06:31   you [TS]

00:06:31   remember i'm going to take some theraflu [TS]

00:06:33   stand flavor here this is you your [TS]

00:06:35   Viking well you know you gotta gotta get [TS]

00:06:40   up and get your get your stuff taken [TS]

00:06:42   care of [TS]

00:06:43   easy for me is you this are kicking my [TS]

00:06:44   ass kicked you know I was like I gotta [TS]

00:06:46   go [TS]

00:06:47   how do you lose it you know my daughter [TS]

00:06:48   is good well she's good at you know and [TS]

00:06:51   I play hard [TS]

00:06:53   yeah well you know is a game for French [TS]

00:06:55   trains huh [TS]

00:06:57   like its best played on the train in [TS]

00:06:59   France that's my contention if you're [TS]

00:07:03   playing in an apartment in San Francisco [TS]

00:07:04   it's only half the story we can begin [TS]

00:07:07   make believe it's a train now what about [TS]

00:07:08   the board's boys is one of those games i [TS]

00:07:11   feel like we talked about this before we [TS]

00:07:13   gain kid in general no but we definitely [TS]

00:07:16   played Melbourne's because it was [TS]

00:07:18   because in junior high school my French [TS]

00:07:20   teacher mrs. LZ did not speak French had [TS]

00:07:27   been to France on her honeymoon or 630 [TS]

00:07:30   sounds insufferable to manage to go home [TS]

00:07:33   damn way where diamonds II and no she [TS]

00:07:39   didn't speak French I as far as i can [TS]

00:07:41   tell and it was 78 great friendship that [TS]

00:07:44   we never spoke French in class but we [TS]

00:07:47   did do things like play Milbourne and [TS]

00:07:50   watch the red balloon which only has one [TS]

00:07:53   word in it with what the hell kind of [TS]

00:07:55   school you're going to [TS]

00:07:56   but all that all uh was going to [TS]

00:08:01   Anchorage public schools and I took [TS]

00:08:03   French instead of shop because my [TS]

00:08:06   parents were adhering to a nineteen [TS]

00:08:09   forties idea of what was important in [TS]

00:08:13   life and if I took French then i would [TS]

00:08:15   go to Yale and I would be the ambassador [TS]

00:08:18   to Yugoslavia and if i took shop then I [TS]

00:08:24   would be I would wear a pack of [TS]

00:08:26   cigarettes rolled up in my white the [TS]

00:08:27   sleeve of my white t-shirt and have a [TS]

00:08:29   duck's ass haircut and and drive around [TS]

00:08:33   town a jalopy getting in fights with the [TS]

00:08:35   cops and so now having taken i took in [TS]

00:08:40   my whole life I think I probably took [TS]

00:08:42   six years of friends [TS]

00:08:44   and I I regret every minute of it [TS]

00:08:51   why well just because it's not as useful [TS]

00:08:55   as making a lamp or yeah that's six [TS]

00:08:57   years of small engine repair that I that [TS]

00:09:01   I for went you know what I mean if I had [TS]

00:09:03   started and if i had started taking like [TS]

00:09:05   a lawnmower repair when I was in seventh [TS]

00:09:13   grade I'd be mighty Elon Musk right now [TS]

00:09:16   building a spaceship the spacecraft her [TS]

00:09:18   I'd be able to build super training on [TS]

00:09:20   my own without any help from anybody but [TS]

00:09:22   instead I'm sitting here you know and [TS]

00:09:24   planning on it [TS]

00:09:25   I have forgotten how to conjugate all [TS]

00:09:27   but like the basic five verbs and I I [TS]

00:09:33   know just enough French to solve the new [TS]

00:09:35   york times sunday crossword puzzle right [TS]

00:09:37   that you i'm just guessing if we drop [TS]

00:09:39   you somewhere French you could take it [TS]

00:09:41   right back up [TS]

00:09:42   well that's true but you know if you [TS]

00:09:44   drop me somewhere feet you know if you [TS]

00:09:46   drop me in Saudi Arabia i would probably [TS]

00:09:49   pick up Arabic pretty fast too without [TS]

00:09:51   the six years it's Arabic I didn't take [TS]

00:09:53   I don't know you know my feeling about [TS]

00:09:56   foreign language it is that it is [TS]

00:09:58   learning foreign languages mostly [TS]

00:10:00   unnecessary and unnecessary that's just [TS]

00:10:05   for english-speaking people ask him [TS]

00:10:07   yeah well yeah exactly if you're if you [TS]

00:10:09   speaking for them to learn our lines [TS]

00:10:11   America fucking speak English yet but [TS]

00:10:13   there but no of it you want to be a [TS]

00:10:15   world traveler you go out there you [TS]

00:10:18   figured out you just speak just learn to [TS]

00:10:19   talk a little bit louder and wave your [TS]

00:10:21   arms around that helps a lot all right [TS]

00:10:23   or wrong way the trains a softer and get [TS]

00:10:28   it get it close get right up right up on [TS]

00:10:31   him and just like let your eyes do the [TS]

00:10:34   talking [TS]

00:10:35   I felt old a few weeks ago because you [TS]

00:10:37   know my daughter's in in regular school [TS]

00:10:39   now and then what you going to regular [TS]

00:10:41   school your delusion with all these [TS]

00:10:43   offers of other things that you can do [TS]

00:10:44   she's taking an engineering course right [TS]

00:10:46   now she's getting off and all these [TS]

00:10:47   things that she's doing soccer you know [TS]

00:10:49   pretty soon he's gonna be one of those [TS]

00:10:50   annoying overschedule kids one things [TS]

00:10:52   she could take Mandarin at the age of [TS]

00:10:54   five [TS]

00:10:56   and I was of two minds because now I'm [TS]

00:10:59   of that age where everybody said look [TS]

00:11:01   learn spanish because you learn spanish [TS]

00:11:04   you can learn Spanish in afternoon [TS]

00:11:05   basically most of what you need to learn [TS]

00:11:06   spanish you can learn over a weekend [TS]

00:11:09   yeah and all the verb the letters always [TS]

00:11:11   sound the same if you get a pronunciar [TS]

00:11:13   seoane correct one day soon you will be [TS]

00:11:16   fine [TS]

00:11:16   reading anything pretty much write [TS]

00:11:19   spanish and then we said you know this [TS]

00:11:21   is this is the growing you know language [TS]

00:11:23   vertical pretty mucho mucho ya frito [TS]

00:11:26   Bandito pick up and allowed to play a [TS]

00:11:29   playa [TS]

00:11:30   yeah that's all I ever that's all the [TS]

00:11:31   spanish i repeated she comes to mind [TS]

00:11:35   said I was taken aback a little bit and [TS]

00:11:37   then I remembered that that's a growing [TS]

00:11:38   economy now if you were gonna learn the [TS]

00:11:40   Chinese would you learn Mandarin if you [TS]

00:11:42   believe in the movie looper you believe [TS]

00:11:49   in the future world created and i [TS]

00:11:51   believe the movie looper everybody's [TS]

00:11:53   living in china in in future times and [TS]

00:11:57   my feeling my feeling about it is it's [TS]

00:12:00   Hong Kong is that where he goes no I [TS]

00:12:03   think he's in the I think he's in [TS]

00:12:04   Shanghai Shanghai the city of the future [TS]

00:12:07   yeah a.m. pacific rim all the girls go [TS]

00:12:11   to a hong kong so I i guess i'm saying [TS]

00:12:13   is based on movies it seems like we [TS]

00:12:15   should learn something Chinese well so [TS]

00:12:17   my feeling about my own daughter [TS]

00:12:19   you know i don't know if you knew this [TS]

00:12:20   but when I was a little kid till I was [TS]

00:12:22   two years old or three years old and a [TS]

00:12:25   Japanese Naomi and she and her husband [TS]

00:12:30   both live with us [TS]

00:12:32   this was back when this was back in the [TS]

00:12:34   late sixties when before japan was an [TS]

00:12:36   industrial powerhouse when Japanese [TS]

00:12:39   people would still come to America and [TS]

00:12:41   act as nannies instead of instead of as [TS]

00:12:45   industrial production design corporate [TS]

00:12:47   masters from ya coaches and tutors the [TS]

00:12:52   ad there they were my nanny and I was [TS]

00:12:55   like learning japanese as a little kid [TS]

00:12:57   and then they got deported because they [TS]

00:13:00   were here on student pieces and we [TS]

00:13:03   didn't have the my parents didn't have [TS]

00:13:05   the power to [TS]

00:13:07   keep them in the country because that [TS]

00:13:09   you know their fortunes have fallen by [TS]

00:13:11   that point politically so I lost my [TS]

00:13:14   opportunity to grow up speaking Japanese [TS]

00:13:17   I would love speaking Japanese I know [TS]

00:13:19   Anna and and and I'm still angry about [TS]

00:13:22   it i'm angry at the nation of Japan and [TS]

00:13:25   I'm angry at that at-bat American [TS]

00:13:26   government i'm going to crush them both [TS]

00:13:28   when I become a supervillain I don't [TS]

00:13:30   blame you did when I was didn't pull an [TS]

00:13:32   uncle jack or anything there's no nobody [TS]

00:13:33   could have stepped in it was you know [TS]

00:13:36   like that whole whole student visa [TS]

00:13:38   working on a student visa overstay your [TS]

00:13:40   student visa that's just one of those [TS]

00:13:41   like everybody gets busted for that [TS]

00:13:44   right how many politicians have gotten [TS]

00:13:45   busted because their nannies working [TS]

00:13:48   under the table it's like the backdoor [TS]

00:13:49   bust white people for their for their [TS]

00:13:52   honored privilege there are reflected [TS]

00:13:54   privilege but in any case my feeling [TS]

00:13:58   about about my own little girl is that i [TS]

00:14:00   am going to sign her up for karate [TS]

00:14:03   lessons at a young age for the for the [TS]

00:14:06   following reasons [TS]

00:14:08   karate is no longer even a fashionable [TS]

00:14:11   martial art and martial arts are an [TS]

00:14:15   extremely nerdy thing for a person to [TS]

00:14:18   pursue in high school or junior higher [TS]

00:14:19   grade school I mean grade school I guess [TS]

00:14:21   it's probably pretty cool there's a [TS]

00:14:22   certain moment where if you are studying [TS]

00:14:24   martial arts you are just automatically [TS]

00:14:27   relegated to the dungeons and dragons [TS]

00:14:30   room and it off of the band room in your [TS]

00:14:33   high school at lunchtime you know like [TS]

00:14:35   you don't walk around in those toe shoes [TS]

00:14:38   for long before you get branded a [TS]

00:14:41   outlier so i'm i'm trying to try to [TS]

00:14:45   Shepherd my daughter through these [TS]

00:14:46   difficult teenage years by casting her [TS]

00:14:49   in iron as a nerd early on by forcing [TS]

00:14:53   her to take martial arts not forcing but [TS]

00:14:55   like it's pointing sukiyaki you get in [TS]

00:14:57   there early to give her something she's [TS]

00:14:58   gonna have to fight about em and you [TS]

00:15:00   should be good to go so I get her into [TS]

00:15:02   martial arts when it seems like it's [TS]

00:15:04   just a fun exercise you know like [TS]

00:15:06   exercise game [TS]

00:15:09   and then when she's you know 14 years [TS]

00:15:12   old and develops a bosom she's just [TS]

00:15:16   wearing a those kendo garmin's and you [TS]

00:15:22   know the cheerleaders don't want her at [TS]

00:15:23   the party or whatever and then later on [TS]

00:15:25   when she's 24 [TS]

00:15:28   all that suffering through high school [TS]

00:15:29   of being like a nerdy martial arts [TS]

00:15:32   outcast and then at 24 she'll be like [TS]

00:15:35   should be a total should be like [TS]

00:15:38   scarlett johansson in that avengers [TS]

00:15:40   movie [TS]

00:15:41   yeah well i mean it's it's a brilliant [TS]

00:15:43   plan because it has built-in [TS]

00:15:45   consequences as you say you will make [TS]

00:15:47   her energy will make her an outcast [TS]

00:15:48   you'll have her but she's also gonna get [TS]

00:15:51   self-confidence [TS]

00:15:52   she's not gonna care that she's an [TS]

00:15:54   outcast and it's not a perfect way to [TS]

00:15:56   enter she's going to be chopping boards [TS]

00:15:58   and have and I'm gonna I'm gonna try and [TS]

00:16:01   find her karate teacher who will always [TS]

00:16:03   speak to her in Japanese so will they [TS]

00:16:06   will double thread it [TS]

00:16:07   well it's triple threat nerd nerd um [TS]

00:16:11   protects you in high school [TS]

00:16:13   this is this is this is counter to what [TS]

00:16:14   we always think of nerd them that nerdy [TS]

00:16:16   museum is a albatross and high school [TS]

00:16:19   but in fact it protects you [TS]

00:16:20   that's the kind of inoculation you're [TS]

00:16:22   given her a little bit of the the cowpox [TS]

00:16:24   she won't get cowpox later [TS]

00:16:27   exactly you inoculate them with nerdy [TS]

00:16:29   wouldn't dirty minds pursuits not like [TS]

00:16:32   you and it's interesting because you're [TS]

00:16:34   not saying like oh you know you're going [TS]

00:16:36   to teach you to be into magic the [TS]

00:16:37   gathering or something that's just you [TS]

00:16:38   know never be retarded remind our [TS]

00:16:46   listeners that John is sick he's not in [TS]

00:16:48   his right mind right now na Jeong said [TS]

00:16:51   that oh it's a what it's a wonderful [TS]

00:16:53   it's a wonderful kind of like there's [TS]

00:16:55   nothing intrinsically nerdy about [TS]

00:16:57   martial arts they are that they are like [TS]

00:17:00   globally and hard work hard and it's [TS]

00:17:03   fantastic and it had comes with all the [TS]

00:17:05   attendant like Buddhism but I barely [TS]

00:17:07   understand we get you can eat discipline [TS]

00:17:10   like things kindergarten my daughter [TS]

00:17:11   goes to school for how many hours a day [TS]

00:17:13   to learn how to follow orders [TS]

00:17:15   that's what kindergarten is learning to [TS]

00:17:16   sit still learning to you know everyone [TS]

00:17:19   yeah and to not hit people [TS]

00:17:22   and stuff like that but I mean we aren't [TS]

00:17:24   she took a few weeks of weight we want [TS]

00:17:27   Marshall we want num don't know it was a [TS]

00:17:29   pretty generic version of you know Jay [TS]

00:17:32   random karate she took but it was she [TS]

00:17:34   did it for a few weeks and it was pretty [TS]

00:17:36   impressive i mean if you got a schedule [TS]

00:17:38   you got to be respectful you you guys [TS]

00:17:41   it's got all this stuff to it that I [TS]

00:17:43   could never give her right so really I'm [TS]

00:17:46   more than happy to get the timing was a [TS]

00:17:48   terrible time a day I don't know how you [TS]

00:17:50   schedule anything for a child at [TS]

00:17:51   three-thirty p.m. i'm tired she's tired [TS]

00:17:55   no one wants to make karate at [TS]

00:17:56   three-thirty so it's my problem i broked [TS]

00:17:58   anyone sit there and watch you do it but [TS]

00:18:00   but no but I you know I want to eat your [TS]

00:18:01   young I wanted to go and learn some kind [TS]

00:18:03   of really cool you know mostly hand and [TS]

00:18:05   foot like kung foo that's what i would [TS]

00:18:08   like that because it's cool to it looks [TS]

00:18:09   cool [TS]

00:18:10   taekwondo you can literally break [TS]

00:18:12   everybody's bones but doesn't look [TS]

00:18:14   nearly as cool as country I wanted to [TS]

00:18:16   look cool even if it's nerdy eventually [TS]

00:18:18   when she's wearing her dojo to the [TS]

00:18:20   singles bar and somebody comes up in [TS]

00:18:22   remarks are big boobies she can break [TS]

00:18:24   exactly a specific bone in somebody's [TS]

00:18:26   hand and still not not drop to drink [TS]

00:18:28   yeah you know I really that's not that's [TS]

00:18:30   the thing you know it's like you get [TS]

00:18:32   into inches behind the board to be able [TS]

00:18:33   to do that and she's got she's gonna [TS]

00:18:35   have a whole lifetime behind that ship [TS]

00:18:36   that will pay her back forever [TS]

00:18:37   this is what I'm saying what if she's [TS]

00:18:39   ever buried alive in a coffin [TS]

00:18:41   okay I'm listening does she sit there [TS]

00:18:44   and scream and claw the coffin lid until [TS]

00:18:46   she runs out of breath or does she put [TS]

00:18:49   her hand against the lid of the coffin [TS]

00:18:51   and gradually make a fist and punch in a [TS]

00:18:56   very small amount of space until she has [TS]

00:18:58   punched through the lid of the confident [TS]

00:18:59   dug yourself out [TS]

00:19:01   I think this is a very interesting [TS]

00:19:02   scenario i must tell you because first [TS]

00:19:05   of all educational levels to this level [TS]

00:19:07   number one if you're buried alive or you [TS]

00:19:08   can talk about this I really don't like [TS]

00:19:11   talking about being buried but I think [TS]

00:19:12   for the sake of this podcast we can do [TS]

00:19:14   about locked in a closet we do that [TS]

00:19:17   how is it on the ground floor yeah there [TS]

00:19:21   might be people coming by [TS]

00:19:22   by the end of the day yeah alright we [TS]

00:19:24   can talk about that if it's a basement [TS]

00:19:26   closet I don't want to talk about it i [TS]

00:19:28   find it very implausible when people [TS]

00:19:30   don't initially panic in a movie I think [TS]

00:19:33   everyone pretty much everyone should [TS]

00:19:35   initially panic in a situation like that [TS]

00:19:37   when they don't have a little bit [TS]

00:19:38   suspicious unless they're matt damon [TS]

00:19:40   right yeah you're right sure he doesn't [TS]

00:19:42   put the cold as ice [TS]

00:19:43   keep it then here's the thing i'm also i [TS]

00:19:45   find it equally implausible if people [TS]

00:19:46   have not explored every square [TS]

00:19:48   centimeter of the space to try and find [TS]

00:19:50   a trapdoor some kind of a lever a [TS]

00:19:53   painting that they could move possibly a [TS]

00:19:54   bust [TS]

00:19:55   I think you should be looking front and [TS]

00:19:56   when people don't do that i'm a little [TS]

00:19:57   surprised you know thing is what your [TS]

00:19:59   daughter is going to have and I wish to [TS]

00:20:01   God my daughter would have if God forbid [TS]

00:20:02   she's ever buried alive is that [TS]

00:20:04   understanding that you just might be [TS]

00:20:06   able to get out of this right if you [TS]

00:20:08   remember your training [TS]

00:20:10   yeah you really should keep your head [TS]

00:20:12   about you and then get a lot of energy [TS]

00:20:14   because the end now here's the next [TS]

00:20:15   level though what if she hits it [TS]

00:20:17   I don't freak out here what if he hits [TS]

00:20:19   it and then six feet of dirt cover her [TS]

00:20:21   up and she don't have the question of [TS]

00:20:23   the coffin anymore [TS]

00:20:25   well then speed the collapse you know I [TS]

00:20:28   mean like if you're going to die of [TS]

00:20:29   being buried alive [TS]

00:20:31   let's get it over with and not have that [TS]

00:20:33   the four hours of ripping your [TS]

00:20:37   fingernails off [TS]

00:20:38   yes trying to claw your way out of a [TS]

00:20:40   coffin let's just have dirty with the [TS]

00:20:42   right amount of training you could do it [TS]

00:20:43   for six to eight hours probably house [TS]

00:20:47   yeah but you know here's the other thing [TS]

00:20:48   i think based on you know I based on [TS]

00:20:50   what I know about villains is the most [TS]

00:20:53   of them have a built-in hubris just [TS]

00:20:56   stupid to get a little bit showy right [TS]

00:20:59   there's a walkie-talkie our camera [TS]

00:21:01   involved and they find some way to game [TS]

00:21:02   it so i think also you might want to [TS]

00:21:04   show her lot obviously when she's ready [TS]

00:21:06   to show her enough movies so that she [TS]

00:21:09   knows how she might be able to take in [TS]

00:21:10   turn it and flip the villain to their [TS]

00:21:11   side maybe end up with them in the [TS]

00:21:13   coffin instead well see what I'm what [TS]

00:21:14   I'm counting on [TS]

00:21:15   is that hurts part of her backstory is [TS]

00:21:17   that her father at some point turns to [TS]

00:21:20   the Stars your daughter this is my [TS]

00:21:21   daughter get that her father becomes a [TS]

00:21:23   supervillain [TS]

00:21:25   and you know what supervillain who who [TS]

00:21:27   believes that he is acting on the acting [TS]

00:21:30   in the cause of justice and right but he [TS]

00:21:34   becomes a madman and then thats that's [TS]

00:21:38   like something that's informing her her [TS]

00:21:41   character arc because she's you know she [TS]

00:21:43   has all these powers but she just wants [TS]

00:21:45   to live as a normal person she wants to [TS]

00:21:47   shoot just want everybody to know that [TS]

00:21:50   her last name is roderick because that's [TS]

00:21:53   the name that lives in infamy in her [TS]

00:21:54   world I wouldn't it be like her like an [TS]

00:21:57   Indian like magneto or something [TS]

00:21:59   exactly so she just wants to go to a [TS]

00:22:01   regular college magneto wits and not [TS]

00:22:04   users not use your special power she [TS]

00:22:06   puts on glasses and put your hair up in [TS]

00:22:08   a bun because she's just a just a [TS]

00:22:11   regular nurse just another quote unquote [TS]

00:22:13   library science student at you that's [TS]

00:22:15   right just starting her freshman year [TS]

00:22:16   until her father's yeah the forefathers [TS]

00:22:22   that minions and sworn enemies and start [TS]

00:22:27   another battle for the future of Earth [TS]

00:22:28   blah blah etcetera etcetera but i wanted [TS]

00:22:30   to be ready [TS]

00:22:32   yeah you know one problem is if you [TS]

00:22:35   become too successful [TS]

00:22:37   you know you look at all these stories [TS]

00:22:38   you know where where where the the [TS]

00:22:40   parent is extremely successful I mean [TS]

00:22:42   ask Frank Frank Sinatra jr. was he a [TS]

00:22:44   happy guy knows because his dad was was [TS]

00:22:47   a dykon-- and really successful as being [TS]

00:22:48   Crosby's kids how they felt well their [TS]

00:22:50   dad was a dick and he was really [TS]

00:22:51   successful I think if you were to really [TS]

00:22:53   focus on becoming a tragic character you [TS]

00:22:56   could do a lot for your daughter you [TS]

00:22:58   give her something to fight for [TS]

00:22:59   right well he's not gonna fight for you [TS]

00:23:00   if you're like you know when in a wing [TS]

00:23:03   grammys and stuff yeah this is the pygmy [TS]

00:23:06   I don't want my kids to be Bing Crosby's [TS]

00:23:08   kid you know you want your kid to be [TS]

00:23:12   Bing Crosby and what mistakes that big [TS]

00:23:14   Crosby's father make those are the [TS]

00:23:16   mistakes that I'm trying to emulate yeah [TS]

00:23:17   and now i see you want to be Bing Crosby [TS]

00:23:20   senior yeah exactly i don't i don't want [TS]

00:23:23   I don't want my daughter to end up being [TS]

00:23:24   Nancy Sinatra right that's no that's no [TS]

00:23:27   way to go [TS]

00:23:28   yeah yeah that was not next to his kids [TS]

00:23:31   yeah you know he and I lived in the same [TS]

00:23:33   door huh not continuously yeah right [TS]

00:23:37   separated by 50 years [TS]

00:23:38   Gonzaga zag yeah he's a he's a good egg [TS]

00:23:42   alum and famously famously got kicked [TS]

00:23:45   out of Gonzaga for being a discipline [TS]

00:23:49   problem and now they have a statue of [TS]

00:23:51   him in front of the library [TS]

00:23:52   well so I was also kicked out of Gonzaga [TS]

00:23:55   or just ask you where's my fucking [TS]

00:23:57   statue UK with the belt I mean no [TS]

00:24:00   offense but you know maybe that's maybe [TS]

00:24:03   they were looking for a turnaround maybe [TS]

00:24:04   they're looking for a little more [TS]

00:24:05   decisiveness yeah I feel like that i [TS]

00:24:07   feel like i need to make another [TS]

00:24:08   Christmas album i think that's what [TS]

00:24:10   really putting over-the-top need to make [TS]

00:24:13   a Christmas album it's not so irreverent [TS]

00:24:15   man parenting is complicated you could [TS]

00:24:17   do that again we do another holiday a [TS]

00:24:19   album that was not a lot of work [TS]

00:24:22   it was a lot of work it but it was a lot [TS]

00:24:24   of work packed into a short amount of [TS]

00:24:25   time which is the kind of work that we [TS]

00:24:27   like to do but a but you know my feeling [TS]

00:24:31   about the holidays is like like well I [TS]

00:24:34   share it with Jonathan cold this is [TS]

00:24:36   feeling of total ambivalence to the [TS]

00:24:38   holidays I was hoping to go I was hoping [TS]

00:24:41   I so I got offered a spanish tour around [TS]

00:24:44   Christmas this year right and I when I [TS]

00:24:46   looked at all the details in an email [TS]

00:24:48   back and forth with my spanish people [TS]

00:24:51   and it was it was always one of those [TS]

00:24:53   Spanish tours that had been that had [TS]

00:24:55   been designed by science to sound [TS]

00:24:58   amazing [TS]

00:24:59   and when you put all the numbers into [TS]

00:25:01   the funk but function machine and use [TS]

00:25:05   standard the other side of the function [TS]

00:25:06   machine and function machine of course [TS]

00:25:07   just has one red light on it and nobody [TS]

00:25:10   nobody like Captain Pike nobody nobody [TS]

00:25:13   is no switches and and you you said on [TS]

00:25:18   the other side of the function machine [TS]

00:25:19   you're waiting for the readout to come [TS]

00:25:21   out the other side like how this kind of [TS]

00:25:22   just all going to pencil out and it just [TS]

00:25:24   it just puts a big poop it just poops [TS]

00:25:27   you put all the be put all the numbers [TS]

00:25:29   all the money and one-sided just poops [TS]

00:25:31   no other side so the timing money States [TS]

00:25:36   passel people function machine just [TS]

00:25:39   brought out a big red poop [TS]

00:25:40   yeah and it's and it's all those things [TS]

00:25:42   line up it's just that the people who [TS]

00:25:45   represent pop music and Spain have got [TS]

00:25:48   it down to a science [TS]

00:25:49   where they know exactly how much to [TS]

00:25:54   offer you so that it feels like a [TS]

00:25:59   Sophie's Choice like they could find the [TS]

00:26:04   amount of money that is just enough that [TS]

00:26:07   you feel like turning it down is crazy [TS]

00:26:10   but if you accept it you are actually [TS]

00:26:15   yeah if you accept that you actually [TS]

00:26:17   lose you know like in the end it costs [TS]

00:26:21   you money to go play for people and [TS]

00:26:24   there's I mean like can we have to think [TS]

00:26:25   of it there's not enough of an [TS]

00:26:26   inconvenience cushion that like if this [TS]

00:26:29   as inevitably happens does not go as [TS]

00:26:31   well as it seems like it well well well [TS]

00:26:33   I would be sitting there in hotelroom [TS]

00:26:34   Madrid cutting myself that I ever did [TS]

00:26:36   this [TS]

00:26:37   yeah that's exactly right what it ends [TS]

00:26:38   up being I've done enough European [TS]

00:26:40   tourists at to have had this experience [TS]

00:26:42   multiple times you're sitting in the [TS]

00:26:44   airport on the way home and you are [TS]

00:26:48   looking in your money bag which at one [TS]

00:26:51   point on the two or three weeks in that [TS]

00:26:55   money bag was full of money and there [TS]

00:26:59   was a time you know one week prior when [TS]

00:27:02   you're sitting in a hotel room somewhere [TS]

00:27:03   in Zagora and your money bag was so full [TS]

00:27:09   of money that you were like I'm never [TS]

00:27:11   gonna work again i'm rich and then that [TS]

00:27:14   last week is all people showing up and [TS]

00:27:18   saying i love my friend I am the person [TS]

00:27:21   who supplied the wire that ran the [TS]

00:27:25   electricity from the building to the abs [TS]

00:27:27   and I need 1000 euros and you just pay [TS]

00:27:32   1000 euros so many people on your way [TS]

00:27:37   out and then you're at the airport and [TS]

00:27:38   here's just a line of people that's like [TS]

00:27:40   X it's like a line of people like when [TS]

00:27:43   you're when you're leaving Downton Abbey [TS]

00:27:45   and your type all of the staff has lined [TS]

00:27:47   up but you have to give every one of [TS]

00:27:48   them a thousand euros and then you're [TS]

00:27:51   sitting in the airport you're waiting [TS]

00:27:52   for your plane and you're looking at [TS]

00:27:53   your money bag and it just has Bob's in [TS]

00:27:56   it [TS]

00:27:57   gracias Senor thank you and you're [TS]

00:28:00   thinking I'm shifted i have people to [TS]

00:28:02   pay when i get back home there were [TS]

00:28:04   people that like we got a feeling it was [TS]

00:28:06   the t-shirt guy still gotta pay him and [TS]

00:28:08   there was the that was like drop but [TS]

00:28:12   there's all the all the should i put on [TS]

00:28:14   my credit card and just like uh so in [TS]

00:28:18   the famous words of eugene mirman there [TS]

00:28:22   wasn't there used to be a time when a [TS]

00:28:23   hotel room felt like pay like getting a [TS]

00:28:26   free hotel room felt like we were [TS]

00:28:28   getting paid right and then this time [TS]

00:28:31   goes on that's that's no longer the [TS]

00:28:33   feeling I'm really suspicious of [TS]

00:28:35   anything where they take care of things [TS]

00:28:36   for you [TS]

00:28:37   Oh see that's it that's exactly how they [TS]

00:28:39   do business over there it's like we got [TS]

00:28:41   it all covered all you gotta do turnkey [TS]

00:28:43   right yeah yeah LOL stereo alternate [TS]

00:28:46   yafei you show up and and you just walk [TS]

00:28:49   right in your plug-in and bombing us [TS]

00:28:51   it's already and here's all the money [TS]

00:28:53   that you're gonna get it's just that all [TS]

00:28:55   of those things are taken care of by my [TS]

00:28:57   brother-in-law and his brother-in-law [TS]

00:29:00   and his brother-in-law [TS]

00:29:03   it's like the middle cheese or whatever [TS]

00:29:05   its it either like all those Pope's all [TS]

00:29:09   those Pope's that that became Pope's [TS]

00:29:11   even though they were they were [TS]

00:29:12   pederasts it's just this business a long [TS]

00:29:16   circle of brother-in-law's that keeps [TS]

00:29:19   and that's why that's why italy has had [TS]

00:29:22   45 governments in the last 30 years and [TS]

00:29:25   its wide that's why I'm not doing this [TS]

00:29:27   spanish to her so it's well i'll talk [TS]

00:29:30   about school year but it sounds like you [TS]

00:29:32   like in the period of like what like 10 [TS]

00:29:34   days when you get like a ridiculous [TS]

00:29:35   deluge of like offers like I want to [TS]

00:29:39   pretend to fall 10 years old let's come [TS]

00:29:41   to shows here and there and it seemed [TS]

00:29:43   like you had this you just turn your [TS]

00:29:45   turn your humble upside down and all [TS]

00:29:47   these kids were just following your [TS]

00:29:48   umbrella lab yeah but then you mean it [TS]

00:29:51   and it ends up that the-the-the so the [TS]

00:29:54   offers that seem like completely [TS]

00:29:55   legitimate art exactly as reliable as [TS]

00:29:58   the offers that you get on Twitter from [TS]

00:30:00   people saying come to Iowa City [TS]

00:30:03   you can stay at my house like it's [TS]

00:30:06   basically like come to Spain you can see [TS]

00:30:08   it's not legally binding [TS]

00:30:09   uh-huh so but but it's funny [TS]

00:30:14   a couple years ago I got offer that the [TS]

00:30:16   government of Iceland put together an [TS]

00:30:21   ISIL I reckon vixy at all [TS]

00:30:24   friendship committee and they were like [TS]

00:30:27   we want we want regular can Seattle to [TS]

00:30:30   be to think of each other as sister [TS]

00:30:32   cities in the world and they brought a [TS]

00:30:35   bunch of Icelandic musicians to Seattle [TS]

00:30:37   and we put on a big show where we played [TS]

00:30:40   with our Icelandic counterparts and Eric [TS]

00:30:45   course and I played some songs with this [TS]

00:30:47   guy muga ssin from from Iceland who is a [TS]

00:30:50   great guy we had a wonderful time [TS]

00:30:52   together and then the Icelandic [TS]

00:30:54   government said we want to fly you to [TS]

00:30:57   Iceland and we're going to produce do [TS]

00:31:02   the same thing in regular put on a big [TS]

00:31:04   show and it'll be a bunch of isolated [TS]

00:31:06   musicians and Seattle musicians [TS]

00:31:09   and we want you to be like the [TS]

00:31:11   centerpiece of it then I said amazing of [TS]

00:31:14   course I can't wait [TS]

00:31:16   and then as the week's went by you know [TS]

00:31:19   the first thing they said was a mugen [TS]

00:31:20   can't do it because he's gonna be in [TS]

00:31:22   Scotland's mixing his record with the [TS]

00:31:26   arab strap so but we got another guy we [TS]

00:31:31   got this we got the we got the younger [TS]

00:31:34   cousin of the bass player of the side [TS]

00:31:38   project of the piano player from [TS]

00:31:41   cigarillos and he's going to be the [TS]

00:31:44   movie set for your show it was like oh [TS]

00:31:46   alright ok the inr in law [TS]

00:31:49   yeah exactly and then they're like you [TS]

00:31:51   need to send us you need to you need to [TS]

00:31:53   send us a credit card for the hotel room [TS]

00:31:55   and we're gonna pay for what we need you [TS]

00:32:00   need to send the credit card number [TS]

00:32:01   because that's that's how we do it in [TS]

00:32:03   Iceland and I was like the show is it [TS]

00:32:05   for six months they're like we have to [TS]

00:32:07   have it by tomorrow the whole thing is [TS]

00:32:08   cancelled [TS]

00:32:09   oh my christ because you because you [TS]

00:32:11   know it's iceland and this is how we do [TS]

00:32:13   business and I was like well slow down a [TS]

00:32:15   little bit here like at everything's [TS]

00:32:17   going to be fine then I'm talking to a [TS]

00:32:19   little bit more they're like well so you [TS]

00:32:21   and your show are in you know you're [TS]

00:32:23   absolutely the prime spot of this [TS]

00:32:26   regular summer fast you go on at three [TS]

00:32:31   thirty in the afternoon on the on the on [TS]

00:32:33   the Nome at stage and you're right [TS]

00:32:36   before the puppet show and I was like [TS]

00:32:39   right before the puppet show really you [TS]

00:32:41   realize that is like this letter that's [TS]

00:32:44   a canonical rock-and-roll joke [TS]

00:32:46   yeah that is an american rock joke [TS]

00:32:47   puppet show and long with threat right [TS]

00:32:50   before the publication and they were [TS]

00:32:52   like they were extremely offended [TS]

00:32:54   they're like puppet shows are very [TS]

00:32:55   important part of Icelandic culture [TS]

00:32:57   sir there's like this deal is changing [TS]

00:33:00   all the time and then the guy from the [TS]

00:33:02   hotel was really mad and he's like you [TS]

00:33:04   have your staying two extra days the [TS]

00:33:06   festival's not paying for and you have [TS]

00:33:08   to pay for it and the and this is the [TS]

00:33:11   height of Icelandic tourist season so [TS]

00:33:12   it's 1000 kroner and night and the [TS]

00:33:15   kroner is worth the kroger on the [TS]

00:33:18   international market is worth 40 pounds [TS]

00:33:20   of mushrooms [TS]

00:33:21   and 40 pounds of mushrooms is 600 [TS]

00:33:24   american dollars that's a total jam up [TS]

00:33:26   John [TS]

00:33:26   it was like a net the more emails i got [TS]

00:33:28   from Iceland the more confused i was and [TS]

00:33:31   I was like all I wanted to do was go [TS]

00:33:32   play in iceland with muga ssin and now [TS]

00:33:35   i'm playing before a puppet show with [TS]

00:33:38   the but the second cousin of the 3rd [TS]

00:33:40   bass player of cigarettes in the middle [TS]

00:33:43   of the day and I've seen some [TS]

00:33:44   documentaries about Iceland I know that [TS]

00:33:46   the best I can hope for is polite [TS]

00:33:48   applause the there's a there's a bigger [TS]

00:33:52   chance that they will just openly scoff [TS]

00:33:54   at me and noms running all over the [TS]

00:33:57   place and you know how I feel about [TS]

00:33:58   gnomes and I don't like I don't like any [TS]

00:34:02   currency that I have to translate an [TS]

00:34:03   amount into mushrooms on its way to [TS]

00:34:06   dollars and so I think the mushroom [TS]

00:34:09   standard it's like this weird thing [TS]

00:34:11   where it's like that's not tied to the [TS]

00:34:13   euro it's tied to the like it's time to [TS]

00:34:15   the mushroom market and it's like I was [TS]

00:34:18   telling you can tell you okay yeah i [TS]

00:34:23   would I leave that everything I've heard [TS]

00:34:24   when i first got into the sugarcubes I [TS]

00:34:25   tried to learn just enough and i was so [TS]

00:34:27   disoriented so quickly that I i ran the [TS]

00:34:30   other way it sounded like deliberately [TS]

00:34:32   confusing as a culture [TS]

00:34:33   Yeah Yeah Yeah right not delightful they [TS]

00:34:35   take care of the people but it sounds [TS]

00:34:37   completely baffling as a culture they [TS]

00:34:39   you know they harvest harvest geothermal [TS]

00:34:43   steam and turn it into magic tricks i [TS]

00:34:47   don't know i don't know how Iceland I [TS]

00:34:51   don't know anything i don't i don't [TS]

00:34:52   believe I'm not even sure that Iceland [TS]

00:34:55   Israel I there was a guy named Eric like [TS]

00:34:58   something you'd build in the window of [TS]

00:35:00   macy's that's exactly right it's a trail [TS]

00:35:02   like that has done by like like Danny [TS]

00:35:04   Elfman and charles bukowski like it just [TS]

00:35:06   it doesn't make sense [TS]

00:35:08   there was a guy in my in my ninth-grade [TS]

00:35:10   English class made Darrell who had [TS]

00:35:13   formerly lived in Iceland because his [TS]

00:35:14   father was in the Air Force and Darrell [TS]

00:35:18   said at one point that people in Iceland [TS]

00:35:20   drive at night to save gas light he said [TS]

00:35:24   that everybody in Iceland if they have [TS]

00:35:26   errands they did they wait until it's [TS]

00:35:27   night they drive at night to save gas [TS]

00:35:29   and I was like mmm i don't i don't think [TS]

00:35:35   i think this is all fake [TS]

00:35:37   I think this isn't made up and it's [TS]

00:35:38   super annoying or it's true and it's [TS]

00:35:40   super annoying [TS]

00:35:41   I think it's a reverse area 51 where the [TS]

00:35:43   where the Air Force has been telling us [TS]

00:35:45   that there's this place called iceland [TS]

00:35:47   in order to distract us from the portal [TS]

00:35:49   where the alien mother ships into the [TS]

00:35:52   center of the earth so we spend the [TS]

00:35:53   afternoon googling about Iceland we go [TS]

00:35:55   we're reading wikipedia things and all [TS]

00:35:57   these apparently real quote unquote [TS]

00:35:58   articles about gonna go to Iceland [TS]

00:36:00   meanwhile over here the portal is [TS]

00:36:01   opening and closing like sauron's great [TS]

00:36:02   I that's right that's right and we're [TS]

00:36:04   not even noticing it because we are like [TS]

00:36:06   on a whale-watching whatever i'm sure [TS]

00:36:08   sounds but in any case that was the [TS]

00:36:11   first time I had ever just looked a [TS]

00:36:14   bunch of money because it was a bunch of [TS]

00:36:15   money on the surface of it like a five [TS]

00:36:18   figures money it was just yeah here's [TS]

00:36:20   here's a ton of money it's ice land [TS]

00:36:23   money but but if if it is to be believed [TS]

00:36:26   it can be transferred into american [TS]

00:36:28   money i am much but you have to pay for [TS]

00:36:32   you have to pay for these hotels and [TS]

00:36:34   there's you know and there's going to be [TS]

00:36:35   a shame surcharge as everyone discs and [TS]

00:36:38   then you have to tip the mushroom EA [TS]

00:36:40   when they are turning into dollars and I [TS]

00:36:43   pictured myself at the at the airport [TS]

00:36:45   and recollect buying like 14 Icelandic [TS]

00:36:48   sweaters i knew i was going to do it so [TS]

00:36:50   i had to factor that into the cost and [TS]

00:36:52   so I knew I was gonna it was a trip that [TS]

00:36:55   if i took it i was going to come back i [TS]

00:36:58   was going to come back with a chap tas i [TS]

00:37:00   was going to come back with no money and [TS]

00:37:02   mad and so I and I turned it down and [TS]

00:37:06   then and I still never been to Iceland [TS]

00:37:08   so much have I not been to Iceland that [TS]

00:37:10   I don't even believe it's a real country [TS]

00:37:11   but I look back at that decision and I [TS]

00:37:14   can't fault it because the did that [TS]

00:37:17   because the initial deal started going [TS]

00:37:18   sideways right away and and by that and [TS]

00:37:22   and from wall from all signs in my [TS]

00:37:25   communications with these isolated [TS]

00:37:27   people and up some of the moment was [TS]

00:37:28   talking to the like the council and the [TS]

00:37:33   ambassador's office and stuff and they [TS]

00:37:35   were talking to me this way as though it [TS]

00:37:37   were nor [TS]

00:37:38   bowl uh-huh i was like listen I'm not as [TS]

00:37:40   scared maybe and I do not I do not like [TS]

00:37:44   big bark dad about a credit card [TS]

00:37:49   don't bark at me you you little bit [TS]

00:37:52   something like that very people for your [TS]

00:37:55   attention Irv Icelandic nerve for me I [TS]

00:37:57   it's it's become so difficult for me to [TS]

00:38:00   do business with anyone because my my uh [TS]

00:38:03   Iceland are has gotten so heavily tuned [TS]

00:38:08   to like what could go wrong with [TS]

00:38:09   something because it does it sounds [TS]

00:38:11   ridiculous to say but and the problem is [TS]

00:38:13   the more of that dealing with strangers [TS]

00:38:14   about business that I that I have to do [TS]

00:38:16   and that's the thing is when you're [TS]

00:38:16   doing stuff like we do in our own ways [TS]

00:38:19   you have people that you work with and [TS]

00:38:21   god willing to work with them again and [TS]

00:38:23   even then this may not be the same [TS]

00:38:24   conditions but more often than not least [TS]

00:38:26   for me i'm working with people i've ever [TS]

00:38:27   met before [TS]

00:38:28   I'm talking about money I've never [TS]

00:38:29   gotten paid before i'm talking about [TS]

00:38:30   doing work in a place I've never been [TS]

00:38:32   before and it's all extremely [TS]

00:38:34   speculative and requires a tremendous [TS]

00:38:35   amount of at least at least [TS]

00:38:40   communication and hopefully trust right [TS]

00:38:43   and and the trust really comes mostly [TS]

00:38:45   from me because they're asking me to do [TS]

00:38:47   a thing and I i wouldn't say this if I [TS]

00:38:49   think this is true for more people then [TS]

00:38:51   they may realize and what you know [TS]

00:38:53   there's all kinds of ways that this can [TS]

00:38:54   this can happen i mean it's it's the [TS]

00:38:55   basis of every scam really is like i'm [TS]

00:38:58   going to give you this thing that seems [TS]

00:38:59   either like a Spanish Lee accurate or [TS]

00:39:06   Icelandic Lee wonderful and the thing is [TS]

00:39:09   as long as you don't think about it too [TS]

00:39:10   much it's going to seem like a good gig [TS]

00:39:12   right but right away it because because [TS]

00:39:15   they had you a business card and and and [TS]

00:39:18   your trust [TS]

00:39:19   they are counting on you to trust them [TS]

00:39:21   because they have a business card that [TS]

00:39:23   says even though they've never in any [TS]

00:39:26   many years that you in the 40 whatever [TS]

00:39:28   for years you've been on earth [TS]

00:39:29   you've never gotten money from them for [TS]

00:39:31   anything ever which is not bad thing but [TS]

00:39:33   we must remember that until John has [TS]

00:39:35   gotten money from them [TS]

00:39:36   John has never got money from them this [TS]

00:39:38   is what this is what happened when i [TS]

00:39:39   worked out what i do when i played some [TS]

00:39:41   shows for Microsoft huh [TS]

00:39:43   and all of it 99-92 about their net 90 [TS]

00:39:47   they pay 30 APR three months after you [TS]

00:39:48   do it [TS]

00:39:49   yeah well and not only that but i had to [TS]

00:39:51   go through [TS]

00:39:52   the entire process of becoming a [TS]

00:39:54   Microsoft contract [TS]

00:39:55   Oh John you don't want oh no I like [TS]

00:39:59   you're like you're fucking Boeing it was [TS]

00:40:01   it was right that you're like you're [TS]

00:40:02   gonna be like a contractor [TS]

00:40:04   yeah providing like I like Ivy equipment [TS]

00:40:07   to the United States Marines yeah I had [TS]

00:40:10   to I had to walk through so it was like [TS]

00:40:12   was like walking through the Starship [TS]

00:40:14   Enterprise every door like butt into [TS]

00:40:16   Maxwell smarts the cave is just like you [TS]

00:40:20   walk through a door there's a door that [TS]

00:40:22   goes blue and you walk through the doors [TS]

00:40:24   are just like deeper and deeper into [TS]

00:40:26   antechamber one yeah that's like you [TS]

00:40:29   guys promised me this money all its [TS]

00:40:32   makes me so goddamn i really did the [TS]

00:40:34   goddamn big what am i doing and for me [TS]

00:40:36   and for me what that comes down to what [TS]

00:40:38   they really hire me for in most cases is [TS]

00:40:40   to come in and do a one-hour talk and I [TS]

00:40:42   can parse that a bunch of ways well no [TS]

00:40:43   actually it's a 1i charge like it's one [TS]

00:40:45   day because it is one day for me but you [TS]

00:40:47   know yeah sure [TS]

00:40:47   essentially you want to come in and talk [TS]

00:40:49   for 15 minutes about something that you [TS]

00:40:50   think is important but to do that it's [TS]

00:40:53   it's it's excruciating what you have to [TS]

00:40:55   go through just to do this with it like [TS]

00:40:57   don't you have petty cash around like [TS]

00:40:58   this is what you pay for like one day of [TS]

00:41:00   light bulbs in your yeah maybe at the [TS]

00:41:01   stage door with an envelope so I love [TS]

00:41:04   you have to be complicated [TS]

00:41:06   okay so I'm gonna say that I'm trying to [TS]

00:41:07   get this out because i think this is [TS]

00:41:08   important to me when it comes down [TS]

00:41:11   well I guess what I would say there's [TS]

00:41:12   these i think in threes one of the [TS]

00:41:14   things i think there has to be what [TS]

00:41:16   people come at you with something [TS]

00:41:18   involving some combination of time money [TS]

00:41:20   and respect or courtesy and in the best [TS]

00:41:23   situations they have lots of time to [TS]

00:41:25   work it out [TS]

00:41:26   they have a reasonable 22 excellent [TS]

00:41:28   amount of money to give you a huge [TS]

00:41:30   amount of respect and courtesy for your [TS]

00:41:32   time and for the relationship and [TS]

00:41:33   ideally you will respond in kind [TS]

00:41:35   right but you know in the worst cases [TS]

00:41:37   you get none of those which is somebody [TS]

00:41:40   calls you at the last minute and then [TS]

00:41:42   they're all pissed off because you won't [TS]

00:41:43   do it for free [TS]

00:41:44   yeah that's that's that's the bottom [TS]

00:41:46   rung but if you can work all those [TS]

00:41:48   things out and the courtesy thing [TS]

00:41:49   matters because you can tell if they [TS]

00:41:50   don't understand that you are free agent [TS]

00:41:53   on your own and that you're basically [TS]

00:41:54   you know your your and 30 guy like [TS]

00:41:57   you've got to get paid because you have [TS]

00:41:59   the people that you work for you want to [TS]

00:42:00   get paid like you've got to pay for [TS]

00:42:02   things it right there expenses [TS]

00:42:03   I don't want to buy this plane ticket [TS]

00:42:05   just because [TS]

00:42:05   you think this might be a good idea but [TS]

00:42:07   here's my thing is like I like people [TS]

00:42:09   like people who give me money I like [TS]

00:42:12   people who give me a lot of money and I [TS]

00:42:14   like people who give me a lot of money [TS]

00:42:15   more than once [TS]

00:42:16   yeah yeah those are the best people yeah [TS]

00:42:19   but you know give me money giving to [TS]

00:42:22   give it to me quickly and giving to me [TS]

00:42:24   more than once that's great [TS]

00:42:25   so the thing is that you got to have at [TS]

00:42:26   least two of those yeah you know what i [TS]

00:42:28   mean in other words i'm not putting this [TS]

00:42:30   well already but you like to be given to [TS]

00:42:32   me quickly [TS]

00:42:32   well you give it to me give it to me [TS]

00:42:34   more than once again the worst case [TS]

00:42:36   you've got somebody who you'll never [TS]

00:42:37   work with again that wants to give you [TS]

00:42:39   next to no money and it will take a long [TS]

00:42:41   time you know [TS]

00:42:43   okay so here's the thing like if we work [TS]

00:42:44   together a lot and it's a medium amount [TS]

00:42:47   of money we pay for all the time you [TS]

00:42:50   want i can wait I can wait a little bit [TS]

00:42:52   on that [TS]

00:42:52   yeah you know if it's a thing is if [TS]

00:42:55   there's hardly any time involved like if [TS]

00:42:58   you want this like if you're really hot [TS]

00:43:00   to like get this thing sign that you [TS]

00:43:01   want done like next week and especially [TS]

00:43:03   if it's not a lot of money like when I [TS]

00:43:06   hang up this phone that's when it's due [TS]

00:43:07   and all the time that that's not paid [TS]

00:43:10   we're not working together and it [TS]

00:43:12   frustrates me that people don't get that [TS]

00:43:13   that their their urgency about that so [TS]

00:43:16   I'm not mean to piss and moan like you [TS]

00:43:17   know white wine about this but I think [TS]

00:43:19   it's something you know when people work [TS]

00:43:20   on their own they they put up with a lot [TS]

00:43:22   of bullshit from people who are bullies [TS]

00:43:25   and they make their entire they spend [TS]

00:43:27   their entire life doing nothing but [TS]

00:43:29   dealing with people like you and me and [TS]

00:43:30   then being bullies they painted this [TS]

00:43:31   picture of what its gonna be like to go [TS]

00:43:33   to Spain and if you actually sit there [TS]

00:43:34   and look at the details of the painting [TS]

00:43:36   it's not actually that attractive but [TS]

00:43:38   now it's your thing because you agreed [TS]

00:43:39   to do it [TS]

00:43:40   yeah and no nobody respects the [TS]

00:43:41   freelancer and nobody respects the you [TS]

00:43:45   know it's a everybody takes their cut [TS]

00:43:48   but they're all set mind the desk and [TS]

00:43:49   they're just you know they're making [TS]

00:43:51   their living taking five percent of [TS]

00:43:52   everything but but they don't they don't [TS]

00:43:57   wait for their invoices to get filled [TS]

00:43:59   you know what I mean like the money [TS]

00:44:00   comes through the month they are where [TS]

00:44:02   the money sits and waits [TS]

00:44:04   yeah and if you're a guy if your guy [TS]

00:44:06   microsoft is empowered to spend five [TS]

00:44:07   thousand eight hundred dollars on this [TS]

00:44:09   event [TS]

00:44:10   well then that's not his money back to [TS]

00:44:11   you that right is going to fill out some [TS]

00:44:13   forms and then you're going to be the [TS]

00:44:14   one who has to show up around the [TS]

00:44:16   treadmill that you [TS]

00:44:16   hours in order to get the basic form [TS]

00:44:18   that gets you the form that can see the [TS]

00:44:20   forward you know that that was the gig i [TS]

00:44:22   did i've done some work with Microsoft [TS]

00:44:23   I've been on the treadmill I showed up [TS]

00:44:25   and I ran on a treadmill for two hours [TS]

00:44:27   and then they applauded and they took [TS]

00:44:28   three months to give me the check [TS]

00:44:31   ah man I was very very quick story about [TS]

00:44:33   the worst gig I never should have almost [TS]

00:44:35   taken it was like when did you take it [TS]

00:44:38   I don't understand that seductive [TS]

00:44:40   actually i'm still unsure i might still [TS]

00:44:41   be going through accounts receivable it [TS]

00:44:44   was right around the time are really [TS]

00:44:45   important like back when my book still [TS]

00:44:47   had a chance of getting me and I had a [TS]

00:44:48   draft was due and i got this impossibly [TS]

00:44:50   great offer from a major pharma company [TS]

00:44:55   in the area like basically always really [TS]

00:44:57   going to create all you have to do is [TS]

00:44:58   come out and do this talking about about [TS]

00:45:01   about it's all the typical like like [TS]

00:45:02   Merlin's greatest hits of pain because [TS]

00:45:05   it sounded like the greatest thing in [TS]

00:45:06   the world I was gonna come down there [TS]

00:45:07   and I just I knew I could feel it in my [TS]

00:45:10   god don't even keep talking to this [TS]

00:45:12   person just don't do it don't do it [TS]

00:45:14   don't do it of the million things that [TS]

00:45:16   went wrong about this and they made a [TS]

00:45:17   terrible decision for me to even keep [TS]

00:45:19   talking to that person is the most part [TS]

00:45:20   is the waiting [TS]

00:45:21   the waiting is as Tom Petty says the [TS]

00:45:22   hardest part is people who say they're [TS]

00:45:24   going to give the shit this week and [TS]

00:45:25   they don't give it to you today [TS]

00:45:26   oh by the day you'll have it okay then [TS]

00:45:28   it's friday friday goes by and now it's [TS]

00:45:30   Tuesday Tyler was sick and you still [TS]

00:45:33   haven't gotten it but now i'm turning [TS]

00:45:35   other stuff away for this make-believe [TS]

00:45:37   work the best part of this thing though [TS]

00:45:38   the best part in the parts we got [TS]

00:45:40   something up on they sent me [TS]

00:45:42   ok attached you know dot docx please a [TS]

00:45:45   you know sign this and send it back and [TS]

00:45:48   it was literally for a contractor they [TS]

00:45:50   sent me the kind i have a million [TS]

00:45:52   dollars and insurance in order to a [TS]

00:45:54   one-hour talk I showed it to my lawyer [TS]

00:45:56   he said basically this is like the [TS]

00:45:57   contract they would give to Boeing you [TS]

00:45:59   have to you have to do all this for [TS]

00:46:01   outside they wanted me to sign a thing [TS]

00:46:02   that said a million dollars in liability [TS]

00:46:04   insurance that they own all the IP on [TS]

00:46:06   like every word of what I said forget [TS]

00:46:09   that you ever get that a contract LOL [TS]

00:46:11   because they because music is like but [TS]

00:46:13   if you did the person doesn't know they [TS]

00:46:15   just go grab a contract from Sally and [TS]

00:46:17   and thrown shit they may not even look [TS]

00:46:18   they're thinking that somebody would [TS]

00:46:19   come in and say like Oh get the [TS]

00:46:21   education contract [TS]

00:46:23   well that might be the education [TS]

00:46:23   contract for somebody who comes in and [TS]

00:46:26   devises a two-year plan with workbooks [TS]

00:46:28   and cd-rom [TS]

00:46:28   terms that you would want to keep [TS]

00:46:30   proprietary right but some some dipshit [TS]

00:46:32   with a podcast comes in and talks about [TS]

00:46:33   your email for an hour I i I'm gonna [TS]

00:46:35   sign that over though I'm sorry John [TS]

00:46:37   this is boring it's just food it's [TS]

00:46:39   frustrating [TS]

00:46:40   yeah i understand i mean i am I hate [TS]

00:46:42   dealing with people in bad faith and [TS]

00:46:44   again I feel like a putz it's like going [TS]

00:46:45   to flingers and I'm the only one who [TS]

00:46:46   doesn't want to acknowledge the fact [TS]

00:46:48   that the waitress and me aren't really [TS]

00:46:49   friends and I'm the dick [TS]

00:46:51   well what can I want to help you [TS]

00:46:56   well if John flensburg still listen to [TS]

00:46:59   this podcast he's so mad right now that [TS]

00:47:01   we don't have a cough button [TS]

00:47:02   I don't think he listens anymore are you [TS]

00:47:04   can be sure that and your races friend [TS]

00:47:06   I you know my old New York City a [TS]

00:47:09   rock-and-roll lawyer that was eventually [TS]

00:47:11   those eventually died for fraud those [TS]

00:47:16   guys you know they were really good [TS]

00:47:18   about spending a year and a half going [TS]

00:47:20   through a contract like that with a with [TS]

00:47:22   the red pencil and nothing ever happens [TS]

00:47:25   all business the business of businesses [TS]

00:47:29   oh when you're playing at my level [TS]

00:47:31   though I have a much simpler unit tests [TS]

00:47:34   or you know kind of a little software [TS]

00:47:36   test which is good through and find the [TS]

00:47:37   first thing that's probably the is going [TS]

00:47:40   to either be a pain in the ass for sure [TS]

00:47:41   that they're kind of Nick's who haven't [TS]

00:47:42   thought about this only takes one of [TS]

00:47:44   those that were done is on the increase [TS]

00:47:45   in the first sentence right on the first [TS]

00:47:47   page usually yeah about what the parties [TS]

00:47:49   are and like I'm gonna spend three [TS]

00:47:51   hundred dollars an hour to like help by [TS]

00:47:54   the way and in the case of that guy [TS]

00:47:55   never took what I spent in having my [TS]

00:47:57   attorney look at that contract already [TS]

00:47:59   covered half of the game that i never [TS]

00:48:01   got just dealing with the contract for [TS]

00:48:03   the bone stock contract right okay [TS]

00:48:06   change topics I if you want to talk [TS]

00:48:08   about this i got hydrogen peroxide them [TS]

00:48:11   that's too boring i was gonna ask you [TS]

00:48:13   about touring in Europe because it [TS]

00:48:15   sounds like a real mess in general [TS]

00:48:16   boring to talk about [TS]

00:48:18   oh it's no it's not boring it's [TS]

00:48:20   wonderful to turn your opinion would [TS]

00:48:22   save it you know it was it is it sounds [TS]

00:48:25   like you deal with so many different [TS]

00:48:26   people [TS]

00:48:27   it isn't even like dealing with [TS]

00:48:29   different guys you call on tuesday [TS]

00:48:30   morning in different places in America [TS]

00:48:31   it sounds like every system is a [TS]

00:48:34   completely different fiefdom well and I [TS]

00:48:37   can only hope that has changed but like [TS]

00:48:39   in 99 and 2000 [TS]

00:48:42   three and four let's say 10 years ago I [TS]

00:48:46   don't see how you could live in europe [TS]

00:48:48   because every single country had a [TS]

00:48:54   separate cell phone empire that as soon [TS]

00:49:00   as you cross from the Netherlands to [TS]

00:49:02   Belgium you were paying a dollar a [TS]

00:49:07   minute or you're paying a gyro a second [TS]

00:49:10   to use your cell phone and you know and [TS]

00:49:15   that's the equivalent of going from [TS]

00:49:16   seattle to portland OR it seem as [TS]

00:49:18   extreme further from seattle to portland [TS]

00:49:19   mean by the in the distance from seattle [TS]

00:49:22   to portland you would have crossed for [TS]

00:49:23   national borders and paid you know and [TS]

00:49:26   paid like out-of-country roaming charges [TS]

00:49:30   to four different countries [TS]

00:49:32   Wow and and you know there are as many [TS]

00:49:35   people in Europe that think of the [TS]

00:49:38   continent of Europe as sort of one big [TS]

00:49:41   playground as there are people in [TS]

00:49:43   America feel that way and if you were [TS]

00:49:45   somebody who was you know who had [TS]

00:49:47   friends in in cities all over like it [TS]

00:49:52   was it was maddening [TS]

00:49:54   I mean it and that is even Europe after [TS]

00:49:57   they took down the national borders the [TS]

00:49:59   first time I went there in 1989 you [TS]

00:50:05   still had to you know go through [TS]

00:50:07   passport control to get from one country [TS]

00:50:11   to another and then at looking back [TS]

00:50:14   looking back at it now like it makes [TS]

00:50:18   sense it makes sense if it takes you [TS]

00:50:21   five days on a horse to get from [TS]

00:50:24   Brussels to Berlin but as soon as the [TS]

00:50:28   car was invented it's incredible to me [TS]

00:50:30   that those countries maintained their [TS]

00:50:32   like chauvinistic sovereignty through [TS]

00:50:37   all the 20th century and all of those [TS]

00:50:40   wars and it's just insane and and it's [TS]

00:50:44   crazy to think that that that that was [TS]

00:50:47   that my first-hand experience of it was [TS]

00:50:50   just that my fucking cell phone stopped [TS]

00:50:52   working an hour [TS]

00:50:54   or after I bought it you know the first [TS]

00:50:56   time I bought a cellphone in europe i [TS]

00:50:58   went into a into a Vodafone store on the [TS]

00:51:02   dam in amsterdam and i bought a cell [TS]

00:51:04   phone and I like made five calls and [TS]

00:51:06   then I was in Germany and the thing was [TS]

00:51:10   useless or or or close to useless then [TS]

00:51:13   there are people that that used to buy [TS]

00:51:15   little sim cards that they were for [TS]

00:51:18   every country and rap up in little [TS]

00:51:19   plastic bags and switch them out [TS]

00:51:21   everything was like currency or or [TS]

00:51:23   something where you just know i'm [TS]

00:51:24   crossing over i gotta switch to this [TS]

00:51:25   other chip totally bananas and I don't [TS]

00:51:27   know if that's changed it Scott to have [TS]

00:51:29   changed but maybe it hasn't [TS]

00:51:31   who knows i haven't been i have not [TS]

00:51:33   tried to the last four times I've been [TS]

00:51:36   to your i have treated it like it was [TS]

00:51:39   like I was out to see like I landed I [TS]

00:51:43   turned my phone on to airport mode huh [TS]

00:51:47   and i use it as a Wi-Fi device but i [TS]

00:51:50   never ever tried to use my phone as a [TS]

00:51:52   phone and I didn't ask anybody about it [TS]

00:51:54   I was just like forget it [TS]

00:51:56   fuck you forever I'm not going to use my [TS]

00:51:58   phone over here and I and so touring is [TS]

00:52:04   like turning over there is is wonderful [TS]

00:52:07   ads and there's a part of me that's very [TS]

00:52:10   brokenhearted about it because I made [TS]

00:52:11   lifelong friends over there that I [TS]

00:52:14   haven't seen in a long time because i [TS]

00:52:16   don't have a new record and the whole [TS]

00:52:18   the whole basis of my life that I [TS]

00:52:21   establish 10 years ago was it was [TS]

00:52:24   premise on this put out a new record [TS]

00:52:27   every year and a half and keep this [TS]

00:52:29   going as long as it can and all of your [TS]

00:52:32   see all these friends you have made [TS]

00:52:34   around the world will continue to be [TS]

00:52:36   your friends because you'll see them [TS]

00:52:37   every few months and as soon as you stop [TS]

00:52:41   doing that as soon as I stop making [TS]

00:52:44   records [TS]

00:52:44   I stopped being part of a part of the [TS]

00:52:50   economy of places and I went back to [TS]

00:52:52   like if you want to come to germany by [TS]

00:52:53   all means come as a tourist and we're [TS]

00:52:55   busy [TS]

00:52:57   so you come as a tourist and and you [TS]

00:53:00   know maybe we'll meet you for coffee or [TS]

00:53:02   whatever but like I'm not play and then [TS]

00:53:04   that's true in the United States to i [TS]

00:53:06   mean i have my friends I haven't seen in [TS]

00:53:09   years because I stopped doing the thing [TS]

00:53:12   that that gave me a reason to be there [TS]

00:53:15   and now I don't have a reason to be [TS]

00:53:18   there and that's part that's part of my [TS]

00:53:20   my [TS]

00:53:21   anhui my own going on we all the time i [TS]

00:53:24   get my advice is honest i have a [TS]

00:53:27   headache he moved onto honest i have [TS]

00:53:28   almost and it is the august of what is [TS]

00:53:32   my reason was my reason for being here I [TS]

00:53:34   don't have one [TS]

00:53:35   well I i feel that way about in [TS]

00:53:38   retrospect I felt that way about College [TS]

00:53:40   we're at the time I you know it was you [TS]

00:53:43   know whatever good things we will you [TS]

00:53:45   know I such as some kind of a cognitive [TS]

00:53:47   bias but you know we were good things [TS]

00:53:49   that happened to us we deserve you know [TS]

00:53:51   we had it coming right and as an artist [TS]

00:53:53   could that happen to us or like you know [TS]

00:53:54   a problem or somebody's fault so going [TS]

00:53:57   from being like a fairly kind of lonely [TS]

00:53:58   kid living in the in the provinces to [TS]

00:54:01   going to college and being surrounded by [TS]

00:54:03   smart people and like going to this tiny [TS]

00:54:05   school where I knew everybody was just I [TS]

00:54:07   was like it wasn't great [TS]

00:54:09   it wasn't all beer and skittles but [TS]

00:54:10   there's a lot of beer but like I I [TS]

00:54:12   suddenly was surrounded by people you [TS]

00:54:14   just what I'm trying to say is like you [TS]

00:54:15   would just I would bump into a hundred [TS]

00:54:18   people a day without trying [TS]

00:54:19   yeah and sometimes didn't want to see [TS]

00:54:21   the hundred people but like I would just [TS]

00:54:22   see these people all day long [TS]

00:54:23   it was really jarring me to leave that [TS]

00:54:25   environment and then suddenly i mean i [TS]

00:54:28   still have my friends I still have a lot [TS]

00:54:29   of friends but it was you had to be much [TS]

00:54:31   more intentional about seeing people and [TS]

00:54:33   all I think that's what you're [TS]

00:54:34   describing is not so different from me [TS]

00:54:36   check my mail and Hamilton center where [TS]

00:54:38   I'm going to see 20 people i know along [TS]

00:54:39   the way and can catch up in this [TS]

00:54:41   impossibly casual easy way and I think [TS]

00:54:44   that really that goes away once you in [TS]

00:54:47   your case it was that you wouldn't have [TS]

00:54:49   to like right now what would you do just [TS]

00:54:50   make a list of all those people you [TS]

00:54:51   probably remember mall but that would [TS]

00:54:53   lead you past taking that tour will take [TS]

00:54:56   you past at least half of all those [TS]

00:54:57   people that you like to see it without [TS]

00:54:59   you even trying [TS]

00:55:01   well yeah those easy easy the fifth time [TS]

00:55:03   that we played in Munich there were [TS]

00:55:05   people there that i had been to all five [TS]

00:55:08   shows and then I'd talk to [TS]

00:55:10   five times in the last three years you [TS]

00:55:13   know and that we had spent we've gone [TS]

00:55:16   out for drinks afterwards and had spent [TS]

00:55:18   some Mary Mary tons and those people you [TS]

00:55:22   know after the first few times you're [TS]

00:55:24   like I'm looking forward to seeing that [TS]

00:55:26   person again they are like they are kid [TS]

00:55:28   in a way and in high school I had that I [TS]

00:55:33   had that group of friends in high school [TS]

00:55:35   my high school friends were very tight [TS]

00:55:37   and we were very competitive with each [TS]

00:55:42   other if I look back at my high school [TS]

00:55:44   my 10 friends in high school like they [TS]

00:55:47   were in a lot of ways and a lot of ways [TS]

00:55:51   my relationships with them were like my [TS]

00:55:52   relationship with colin Meloy that it [TS]

00:55:57   was it was a friendly and brand very [TS]

00:56:00   competitive and often like the [TS]

00:56:02   competition turned to thinly veiled [TS]

00:56:05   hostility but these were my closest pals [TS]

00:56:08   you know where we were always kind of [TS]

00:56:11   trying to try to shoot the other one [TS]

00:56:14   down both in class and socially like it [TS]

00:56:18   was not it was not considered we were [TS]

00:56:21   loyal to one another in that way you [TS]

00:56:23   know if you could if you could shoot [TS]

00:56:27   your friend down while he was trying to [TS]

00:56:28   chat up a girl at a party if you could [TS]

00:56:30   walk by and make some cutting remark and [TS]

00:56:33   like blow up his game that was [TS]

00:56:35   considered fair play in high school and [TS]

00:56:37   there was no there wasn't a sense of [TS]

00:56:39   like we're all in this together you know [TS]

00:56:41   and when I went away to college my [TS]

00:56:44   college that my experience at Gonzaga [TS]

00:56:46   was maybe much closer to what most [TS]

00:56:49   people think of is like normal friends [TS]

00:56:51   treat each other like everybody kind of [TS]

00:56:53   all the people i do in college this [TS]

00:56:54   would like each other and they were [TS]

00:56:56   friends with each other and I didn't [TS]

00:56:59   understand those relationships I was [TS]

00:57:01   like you know out at what point are we [TS]

00:57:05   going to start playing mean pranks on [TS]

00:57:07   each other in my college my college [TS]

00:57:10   friends had all come from you know [TS]

00:57:12   whatever their high school experiences [TS]

00:57:13   had been mostly like that you don't have [TS]

00:57:16   that many friends but the friends you do [TS]

00:57:18   have are like warm and supportive [TS]

00:57:21   it wasn't really a menthol through the [TS]

00:57:23   grungees I mean it was a deeply [TS]

00:57:25   competitive and and fraught era for me [TS]

00:57:29   it wasn't until the indie-rock ears that [TS]

00:57:32   I really felt like I had a network of [TS]

00:57:34   people that that I liked that liked me [TS]

00:57:38   and that we weren't out to get each [TS]

00:57:39   other and i have remnants of that [TS]

00:57:43   certainly but but I've really isolated [TS]

00:57:45   myself from it and it's and so weird [TS]

00:57:49   thing to come into in your thirties like [TS]

00:57:51   hey look at this i know people in there [TS]

00:57:53   they're not all tried to like they're [TS]

00:57:56   all trying to cut me off at the knees [TS]

00:57:57   depends on the context in the [TS]

00:57:59   environment like you know based on my my [TS]

00:58:01   feelings of many movies about the US [TS]

00:58:03   military and special ops like there is [TS]

00:58:05   there's a certain kind of constant [TS]

00:58:07   jostling that yeah he won do another [TS]

00:58:09   that's understood that that's part of [TS]

00:58:10   the thing in high school I mean got him [TS]

00:58:12   in my group there would be kind of [TS]

00:58:14   jostling but we all knew what a fucking [TS]

00:58:16   homemade mess each of us was and how [TS]

00:58:18   close we were to like kind of falling [TS]

00:58:19   apart at the seams so I think you know [TS]

00:58:21   not not pushing too far on somebody's [TS]

00:58:24   bed wetting was just considered you know [TS]

00:58:25   the chorus right and that was that was [TS]

00:58:29   the decorum that was absolutely missing [TS]

00:58:32   in my group of friends like if when [TS]

00:58:35   you're in high school in high school if [TS]

00:58:37   you were outed as a bed-wetter [TS]

00:58:40   oh my god your best friends were the [TS]

00:58:42   ones that were going to shout it from [TS]

00:58:43   the rooftops and we were always looking [TS]

00:58:47   for the because because it was a because [TS]

00:58:51   it was a fairly impressive group of kids [TS]

00:58:53   we were always looking for the Achilles [TS]

00:58:55   heel to like knock knock the other ones [TS]

00:59:00   down a peg and I might have it might [TS]

00:59:04   have inculcated in me this idea of [TS]

00:59:09   friendship as being combative i don't i [TS]

00:59:14   did not walk and maybe a bit [TS]

00:59:17   this is an interesting question for me [TS]

00:59:19   because my whole adult life combat and [TS]

00:59:22   friendship is by is my model [TS]

00:59:26   that the famous conversation i had with [TS]

00:59:29   shawn nelson famous between me and Shawn [TS]

00:59:32   Nelson where where he said you don't [TS]

00:59:37   like any of the things i like why are [TS]

00:59:40   you friends with me friends are people [TS]

00:59:44   who like the same stuff and I said what [TS]

00:59:47   that's crazy friends don't like the same [TS]

00:59:50   stuff that's what makes them friends [TS]

00:59:52   they like they like hate the other [TS]

00:59:55   person's taste that's how you know your [TS]

00:59:59   friends but [TS]

00:59:59   friends but [TS]

01:00:00   let's just be clear also it was it was [TS]

01:00:01   it was consensual with your other [TS]

01:00:05   friends who jostle definitely sell all [TS]

01:00:06   they were evil I mean they were terrible [TS]

01:00:08   you have it there you have it bad for [TS]

01:00:10   you it was totally consensual but it was [TS]

01:00:12   like I me not one time some fresh couple [TS]

01:00:15   of guys came by my house to 22 and get [TS]

01:00:19   me for something and i was in the [TS]

01:00:21   bathtub upstairs and they rang the [TS]

01:00:24   doorbell and I stuck my head out the [TS]

01:00:27   window [TS]

01:00:28   it was like hey what's up you guys and [TS]

01:00:31   they kind of step back from the front [TS]

01:00:32   door and looked up and they're like oh [TS]

01:00:34   we thought you'd be ready and I was like [TS]

01:00:36   I'll be ready in a minute just a second [TS]

01:00:38   I'm you know I'm in the shower i'll be [TS]

01:00:40   right down [TS]

01:00:42   and i said i was in the shower because [TS]

01:00:45   taking a bath is uncool you don't want [TS]

01:00:48   to say I'm taking a bath with him taking [TS]

01:00:50   a shower but it was in the middle of [TS]

01:00:52   winter and i'm standing in the window [TS]

01:00:54   and apparently there's steam coming off [TS]

01:00:58   of me because i'm leaning out and like [TS]

01:01:02   jumped out about some weeding out the [TS]

01:01:04   window in the in the cold but my hair is [TS]

01:01:08   dry [TS]

01:01:10   they note o clock so for a a week or two [TS]

01:01:19   after that they really tried to get the [TS]

01:01:24   nickname steamin John haha go away they [TS]

01:01:33   really wanted that to have traction and [TS]

01:01:37   is with the job G Stephen John human [TS]

01:01:39   John and this was that you know this is [TS]

01:01:42   like the 1984 version of nice dockers [TS]

01:01:46   did they really they thought they had [TS]

01:01:49   they had all the pieces there i said i [TS]

01:01:52   was in the shower but my hair was dry I [TS]

01:01:54   was standing in the window and there was [TS]

01:01:56   steam pouring off me [TS]

01:01:57   something's not right here some there's [TS]

01:02:01   there's like a there's a vulnerability [TS]

01:02:02   hear that they can try to exploit and [TS]

01:02:05   and steam and jon was what they were but [TS]

01:02:07   they were pushing [TS]

01:02:09   and at that age you know i had already [TS]

01:02:12   learned like how not to let the nickname [TS]

01:02:16   like that catch on but you know what [TS]

01:02:18   part of it is like you didn't get my [TS]

01:02:22   bullets for dealing with that with a [TS]

01:02:23   nickname you I don't want yeah you kind [TS]

01:02:25   of go into the blow a little bit like [TS]

01:02:27   you're like stephen john that's right [TS]

01:02:29   here i am steaming it up I'm summoning [TS]

01:02:32   steam you pal finger gun and you just [TS]

01:02:37   make it you just may get Dumber you just [TS]

01:02:39   put the dub on it and it doesn't mean [TS]

01:02:44   they can tell that it's bugging you when [TS]

01:02:46   I don't know see I don't know how to do [TS]

01:02:48   this I need to learn [TS]

01:02:49   yeah the vulnerability you don't sit [TS]

01:02:52   there and get red faced you know it's a [TS]

01:02:54   knock it off guys you know you have to [TS]

01:02:56   go into it a little better be like yeah [TS]

01:02:58   that's right call me stephen jonny i'm [TS]

01:03:00   eating it up like give it to me and they [TS]

01:03:03   realized that like at least in those [TS]

01:03:05   terms and what what what the ear [TS]

01:03:09   audience is the third person right your [TS]

01:03:11   audience's the person who is watching [TS]

01:03:12   from the sidelines who's trying to [TS]

01:03:14   decide for themselves whether stephen [TS]

01:03:16   john is something they could get away [TS]

01:03:17   with under the protective but the [TS]

01:03:20   protective umbrella of the kids that are [TS]

01:03:22   trying to turn it into a meme and so [TS]

01:03:25   that what you're doing is you're looking [TS]

01:03:26   around the room and you're looking at [TS]

01:03:27   all the folder be looking at the weak [TS]

01:03:30   minds and you're given them the the [TS]

01:03:34   obi-wan Kenobi and you're like that's [TS]

01:03:36   right give it a try [TS]

01:03:38   why don't you try calling me Stephen [TS]

01:03:39   Stephen John why don't you see how that [TS]

01:03:41   works for you I'd really like you to try [TS]

01:03:43   it and you just like you just soften the [TS]

01:03:47   gum in their pockets but you think that [TS]

01:03:50   really works it really does you know [TS]

01:03:52   people because people want to jump on [TS]

01:03:54   people want to jump on a bully train if [TS]

01:03:57   they feel really safe you know where [TS]

01:04:01   they want to they want to start calling [TS]

01:04:02   them on that mob mentality [TS]

01:04:04   yeah they want to call the fat kid a fat [TS]

01:04:06   kid if they know that you know but they [TS]

01:04:08   don't want to better what everybody else [TS]

01:04:10   in the room to go away and suddenly it's [TS]

01:04:11   just them and the kids especially [TS]

01:04:12   heinous wing chun or if you can [TS]

01:04:16   breakdance there's a lot of reasons you [TS]

01:04:19   don't want to get caught on the wrong [TS]

01:04:20   side of that [TS]

01:04:21   so but that's what I mean like they were [TS]

01:04:23   they were always looking for and I was [TS]

01:04:26   just as bad on the other side looking [TS]

01:04:28   for openings to get some kind of like [TS]

01:04:32   stephen john mean because if you get one [TS]

01:04:37   of those and lights up you know [TS]

01:04:39   oh you've got you've got the person by [TS]

01:04:41   the sack stories stories will be told [TS]

01:04:47   handed down years from now when you're [TS]

01:04:49   at the wedding and those people are [TS]

01:04:50   really incredibly unhappy and insecure [TS]

01:04:52   you will be able to take credit for [TS]

01:04:54   having steamy John that person that's [TS]

01:04:56   right that's a good name stephen john [TS]

01:04:59   but now you're happy about baths [TS]

01:05:00   youryour I your immune you're like [TS]

01:05:02   you're like rust you you are intangible [TS]

01:05:05   well here's the problem with Bad's you [TS]

01:05:09   have to you have to really man up and [TS]

01:05:13   own your baths [TS]

01:05:15   there are still plenty of adult man i [TS]

01:05:17   know that would never admit to taking a [TS]

01:05:19   bath that's just sad [TS]

01:05:22   it happens all the time i went to this [TS]

01:05:24   guys house five-million-dollar house on [TS]

01:05:27   the shores of Lake Sammamish not very [TS]

01:05:29   long ago went to his house and he showed [TS]

01:05:31   me around the place and it's one of [TS]

01:05:33   these like he's a millionaire software [TS]

01:05:35   designer and he's got a he's got a [TS]

01:05:37   20-room house and all he has on the [TS]

01:05:40   walls are like lamborghini posters with [TS]

01:05:43   a bikini girl you know it's there just [TS]

01:05:45   tacked up with with that blue thumbtack [TS]

01:05:48   paster poster contest we get upstairs [TS]

01:05:53   and he showed me through the master [TS]

01:05:56   suite and we get into his bathroom and [TS]

01:05:58   he's got a he's kind of massive jacuzzi [TS]

01:06:01   endure sex bath that's like built for [TS]

01:06:07   five people built for you [TS]

01:06:10   the soft bit you the overweight software [TS]

01:06:12   guy and for Russian escorts and i'm [TS]

01:06:19   looking at this thing it just covetously [TS]

01:06:21   but he's got laundry hanging all over it [TS]

01:06:25   and I'm looking around the bathroom and [TS]

01:06:28   it shows all the sides of never having [TS]

01:06:31   been used as anything other than like [TS]

01:06:34   a place to put laundry and I was like [TS]

01:06:37   when was the last time you use the [TS]

01:06:40   bathtub and he said oh I've never used [TS]

01:06:43   it and I said why did you you had this [TS]

01:06:46   house built this is a custom house is [TS]

01:06:50   like oh yeah I mean you gotta put it [TS]

01:06:51   about that like that in case you ever [TS]

01:06:53   want to sell it but I mean I'm not gonna [TS]

01:06:56   take a bath whatever bye [TS]

01:06:58   yeah what am i some girl was just like [TS]

01:07:01   made that no my version that would be [TS]

01:07:04   like if he came to my fancy house and I [TS]

01:07:07   didn't have a way to get into the garage [TS]

01:07:08   or something and he said well how'd you [TS]

01:07:11   get in your car like I've never used the [TS]

01:07:12   garage [TS]

01:07:13   I've never opened it right and and right [TS]

01:07:15   because I mean for him like for me the [TS]

01:07:17   idea of having a house with an [TS]

01:07:18   incredibly luxurious bath tub i would [TS]

01:07:20   take four baths today I would make I [TS]

01:07:22   would cancel things to take fucking [TS]

01:07:24   baths [TS]

01:07:24   have you ever been in a bathroom where [TS]

01:07:26   there was a television mounted to the [TS]

01:07:28   wall and i don't think so i have don't [TS]

01:07:32   know if I'd like that I had this [TS]

01:07:34   experience that very long ago down in [TS]

01:07:35   California I was set over at somebody's [TS]

01:07:37   house and they were like oh you want to [TS]

01:07:39   take a bath I know you like Bad's I was [TS]

01:07:41   like if there's one thing that I want to [TS]

01:07:44   be my ambassador in the world it is that [TS]

01:07:46   people know that I like Bad's i want [TS]

01:07:49   that i want you know I want that on [TS]

01:07:51   valencia that's your Sentinel like that [TS]

01:07:54   precedes you that just ahead let [TS]

01:07:56   everybody know that should be like in in [TS]

01:07:57   John's existential rider right listen [TS]

01:07:59   Rodricks coming over I just word to the [TS]

01:08:01   wise he really likes baths okay good [TS]

01:08:03   good are we good [TS]

01:08:05   when the guy in the black suit like [TS]

01:08:07   splits and the and then I show up [TS]

01:08:09   hey there like I know you like bad as we [TS]

01:08:12   got a really nice bathtub do you want to [TS]

01:08:14   take a bath later and I was like yes I [TS]

01:08:15   do and it's a bath with a waterfall [TS]

01:08:20   I mean completely wasteful just terrible [TS]

01:08:23   disgusting thing wonderful in every [TS]

01:08:25   respect and there was a TV mounted on [TS]

01:08:28   the wall and I turned it on and I had [TS]

01:08:30   never had this experience before when I [TS]

01:08:32   was in the bathtub and I was watching a [TS]

01:08:36   movie [TS]

01:08:38   and I was like whoa I didn't think I [TS]

01:08:41   would like this but i really like it i [TS]

01:08:45   wanted i I never want to see a movie [TS]

01:08:47   when I brought in the bath and then [TS]

01:08:50   attempt to get you a little uneasy at [TS]

01:08:52   first I thought I would be a little bit [TS]

01:08:54   uneasy it just seems a little on the [TS]

01:08:55   nose to watch your TV and yeah it was [TS]

01:08:57   really uneasy i was super uneasy and I [TS]

01:08:59   was like you know what if i turn the TV [TS]

01:09:01   on and all that's on it is porn like I i [TS]

01:09:06   checked into a hotel in Miami not very [TS]

01:09:08   long ago and it was a Jesus it was a [TS]

01:09:12   hotel this is the last time I ever used [TS]

01:09:13   yelp yelp the hotel close to the Miami [TS]

01:09:18   Airport and this place had like all [TS]

01:09:20   these great yelp reviews really [TS]

01:09:22   hilarious is it's like an old-style [TS]

01:09:24   motel [TS]

01:09:26   it's great it's really cute looking like [TS]

01:09:28   a ironic vintage hipster it's ironic [TS]

01:09:31   vintage hipster motel with neon pink [TS]

01:09:34   flamingos close to the airport you're [TS]

01:09:37   going to love it it's called the [TS]

01:09:38   paradise in or something like that I was [TS]

01:09:41   like okay great that's perfect it's [TS]

01:09:43   cheap and it's by the airport and I show [TS]

01:09:47   up in the first first sign was that the [TS]

01:09:51   desk clerk was behind bulletproof glass [TS]

01:09:53   and then I walk into vintage clothes [TS]

01:09:57   vintage bulletproof glass hit the key [TS]

01:09:59   gives me as an actual key on one of [TS]

01:10:01   those holiday Yankee yeah like on an [TS]

01:10:04   oblong plastic key thing that says that [TS]

01:10:09   says paradise you know paradise in room [TS]

01:10:11   number for now this if you find it [TS]

01:10:14   yeah male if you find it right pick [TS]

01:10:15   postage paid and then I i opened the [TS]

01:10:18   door to my room and the carpet is so [TS]

01:10:21   worn that it's like you can it's like it [TS]

01:10:23   has the traffic has worn a path from the [TS]

01:10:28   door to the bathroom and like this isn't [TS]

01:10:31   ironic [TS]

01:10:33   this is a real old hooker hotel and I [TS]

01:10:37   sit down on the bed and the mattress is [TS]

01:10:39   wrapped in plastic and so it crinkles [TS]

01:10:43   like I'm sitting on a Christmas present [TS]

01:10:45   and I'm like okay this is not funny [TS]

01:10:48   anymore i've stayed in plenty of these [TS]

01:10:50   this isn't cute [TS]

01:10:52   this is not what who who wrote these [TS]

01:10:54   yelp reviews are there people that [TS]

01:10:56   really think that this is like hilarious [TS]

01:10:59   because this is fucking terrible this is [TS]

01:11:02   giving me bad memories and I reach over [TS]

01:11:05   and I'm just I'm trying to think of what [TS]

01:11:06   to do [TS]

01:11:07   I only had a few hours i need some sleep [TS]

01:11:09   i turn on the TV and it's looping porn [TS]

01:11:13   you just started on it's there it's just [TS]

01:11:16   right there [TS]

01:11:17   looping porn on every channel and it's [TS]

01:11:20   not like a porn movie it's just loops [TS]

01:11:24   like nothing like a demo [TS]

01:11:28   oh yeah two-minute loops of like the [TS]

01:11:31   good the corner of a good part [TS]

01:11:33   oh and then it switches to the next [TS]

01:11:36   basically a high-traffic masturbation [TS]

01:11:38   room or no I mean this is a full-on this [TS]

01:11:41   is a full-on hooker hotel is they say no [TS]

01:11:43   tell motel [TS]

01:11:44   yeah this is this is rooms by the hour [TS]

01:11:47   oh and i'm here by the I'm here by the [TS]

01:11:49   airport and I like look at the pillow [TS]

01:11:51   and I just imagine what this poor pillow [TS]

01:11:54   has been through in its short life the [TS]

01:11:57   pillow the pillow is probably let's say [TS]

01:12:00   five years old and it has been scrunched [TS]

01:12:04   and used as a bolster and used in so [TS]

01:12:08   many horrible ways using so many aging [TS]

01:12:12   actresses and horses spent so many [TS]

01:12:15   things I'm like where do i I don't want [TS]

01:12:18   to touch anything i want to lay down and [TS]

01:12:20   wouldn't put that plastic gun unless it [TS]

01:12:21   was convenient for them real word yo [TS]

01:12:24   absolutely the path of plastic is to [TS]

01:12:26   preserve what you love it hotel 23 times [TS]

01:12:29   a day i'm guessing that it does not [TS]

01:12:31   change that often and I'm in this [TS]

01:12:33   situation where i've been i've been in [TS]

01:12:35   many many many made situations where the [TS]

01:12:38   this where this room would have been a [TS]

01:12:41   godsend i would have thanked my lucky [TS]

01:12:43   stars that I had or I could close and I [TS]

01:12:46   would have gotten as much sleep as i [TS]

01:12:48   could but i'm i'm in there i mean it's [TS]

01:12:51   what again one of these moments where [TS]

01:12:53   it's like I only have five hours to [TS]

01:12:55   sleep i need desperately need those five [TS]

01:12:59   hours of sleep but I am too wound up [TS]

01:13:04   right now to just grab that pillow and [TS]

01:13:08   snuggle up and snuggle up to 100,000 [TS]

01:13:13   butts and and try to get that five hours [TS]

01:13:19   and just and so i left i kept the key as [TS]

01:13:30   a as a memento and reminder and I stuck [TS]

01:13:35   it to the wall of my room when they got [TS]

01:13:37   home [TS]

01:13:37   paradise motel miami florida room for [TS]

01:13:40   whatever thumbtacked to the wall and I [TS]

01:13:42   was just like remember remember first of [TS]

01:13:45   all never use yelp and second of all [TS]

01:13:48   just remember like there but for the [TS]

01:13:50   grace of god and i went out and i slept [TS]

01:13:51   in my rental car [TS]

01:13:53   are you kidding no I slept in the rental [TS]

01:13:55   card because i was just like there are [TS]

01:14:00   there are there are indignities in there [TS]

01:14:02   and dignities but that I mean you know [TS]

01:14:05   in a really really nice hotel i will [TS]

01:14:07   throw the sex pillow on the floor [TS]

01:14:09   because we all know where it's been [TS]

01:14:11   but this room had no surface that was [TS]

01:14:15   not a sex pillow like this don't it's [TS]

01:14:18   not do this to me [TS]

01:14:19   there was blood on the wall Oh God [TS]

01:14:25   see I'm fine as long as they don't think [TS]

01:14:27   about it and then as soon as I think [TS]

01:14:28   about it it's game over again same way i [TS]

01:14:30   would be scurrying out to the porn free [TS]

01:14:32   car [TS]

01:14:32   yeah I went to sleep I put the seat back [TS]

01:14:34   in the bin the rental camaro and I was [TS]

01:14:37   like you know the general but you slept [TS]

01:14:39   better John worse places to sleep them [TS]

01:14:40   at wright park right under the airport [TS]

01:14:43   nobody's that fewer let's just say fewer [TS]

01:14:45   people have come in the rental well was [TS]

01:14:48   a new you know those rental cars are [TS]

01:14:49   they they circulated I mean there's it [TS]

01:14:52   only had a few thousand miles on how [TS]

01:14:53   many people could have fucked internal [TS]

01:14:55   carbon handful 50 tops there were a [TS]

01:14:58   handful of people that had sex in that [TS]

01:15:00   hotel room there's nobody who had made a [TS]

01:15:01   calculated in that room ever [TS]

01:15:03   yeah yeah [TS]

01:15:05   the things you learn the things you [TS]

01:15:09   learn you can I help thinking if I can [TS]

01:15:11   ever go anywhere [TS]

01:15:13   no oh you have to bring your own pillow [TS]

01:15:16   have you started bringing your own [TS]

01:15:17   pillow [TS]

01:15:18   I hate being the bring your own pillow [TS]

01:15:20   guy doesn't do that person like you know [TS]

01:15:22   what if you are if you are a [TS]

01:15:25   nineteen-year-old girl wearing ugg boots [TS]

01:15:28   in Eugenie's when you go on the plane [TS]

01:15:30   that's fine have fun but like when you [TS]

01:15:33   see a grown man carrying a pillow around [TS]

01:15:35   I mean now that seriously now that's a [TS]

01:15:37   steam and John type situation it's [TS]

01:15:39   terrible to let you know so this is a [TS]

01:15:41   bit here right here this is another [TS]

01:15:43   economic opportunity for us and speaking [TS]

01:15:45   of which uh I was being forced to watch [TS]

01:15:49   the star trek reboot the other day [TS]

01:15:51   because by my lady friend wanted to [TS]

01:15:55   watch the new star trek I'll you already [TS]

01:15:57   saw the first one she was like you can't [TS]

01:15:59   see the new Star Trek until you see the [TS]

01:16:01   first one was like no i don't what I I [TS]

01:16:06   you know I didn't know about and she's [TS]

01:16:08   like no you gotta watch it so she rented [TS]

01:16:10   it from redbox put it in my DVD player [TS]

01:16:12   my yamaha DVD player that is like you [TS]

01:16:19   know bill with Soviet technology suite [TS]

01:16:20   is that digital it's it's it's it's a [TS]

01:16:23   half digital's bridget is pretty and i'm [TS]

01:16:25   watching at the star trek enterprise [TS]

01:16:26   comes up on the screen and for the first [TS]

01:16:29   time in my entire life [TS]

01:16:31   the USS Enterprise we remember when my [TS]

01:16:34   dad and I took a skiff around the USS [TS]

01:16:39   Enterprise docked at Pearl Harbor and we [TS]

01:16:44   were headed out to the USS Arizona and [TS]

01:16:48   we and the boat like the enterprise was [TS]

01:16:51   there we went around the enterprise [TS]

01:16:53   which at the time was the largest [TS]

01:16:54   aircraft carrier in the world and the [TS]

01:16:57   impact that carrier may not be and you [TS]

01:17:00   know we're going out to the Arizona my [TS]

01:17:02   dad is like throwing her flowers on the [TS]

01:17:07   memorial or whatever [TS]

01:17:09   and my whole life the USS Enterprise [TS]

01:17:12   enterprise enterprise the star trek [TS]

01:17:14   enterprise the the the carrier [TS]

01:17:17   Enterprise the world war two enterprise [TS]

01:17:19   like it only just watching this movie [TS]

01:17:24   dog me what a curious name that is for a [TS]

01:17:28   u.s. warship is a comment that the the [TS]

01:17:32   business [TS]

01:17:33   yeah it's like yeah it's like calling it [TS]

01:17:35   the capitalism the US Capitol has never [TS]

01:17:38   occurred to me until now [TS]

01:17:39   yeah but that it's a name that rings out [TS]

01:17:43   in my imagination is just like it's [TS]

01:17:46   called the enterprise the flight deck is [TS]

01:17:48   1100 feet long [TS]

01:17:50   it's a bigger pressure like this anymore [TS]

01:17:52   though it just got the Commission 2012 [TS]

01:17:55   that's right whoa John that is this week [TS]

01:17:58   we're dealing with it again museum or [TS]

01:18:00   something [TS]

01:18:00   it's up know it's a period its [TS]

01:18:02   appearance at bremerton it's in [TS]

01:18:04   mothballs that's the ability to make an [TS]

01:18:05   offer to go up to bremerton there [TS]

01:18:08   there's like seven aircraft carriers [TS]

01:18:10   lined up just like just like cars you [TS]

01:18:14   know in a Walmart parking lot [TS]

01:18:16   it's pretty extraordinary i would love [TS]

01:18:19   to see that little better how it feels [TS]

01:18:26   amazing really York off button 451 [TS]

01:18:31   million dollars is that in 1957 know it [TS]

01:18:34   started thinking sixty dollars so is the [TS]

01:18:37   first nuclear-powered aircraft carrier [TS]

01:18:39   is that right well wasn't surprised [TS]

01:18:43   there's a lot of enterprise there [TS]

01:18:45   yeah moment so what I'm saying is here [TS]

01:18:48   is a business opportunity for us to make [TS]

01:18:50   a pillow a genuine pillow that that [TS]

01:18:54   doesn't feel like a doesn't feel like [TS]

01:18:56   it's full of beans doesn't feel like [TS]

01:18:58   some neck pillow you by the airport but [TS]

01:19:00   a pillow that you would that you could [TS]

01:19:02   call your own but that is collapsible [TS]

01:19:05   and fits inside your carry-on bag so [TS]

01:19:09   that you don't look like a signal a [TS]

01:19:10   walking around [TS]

01:19:12   with his book is will be like how do you [TS]

01:19:17   create the pillow experience the full so [TS]

01:19:22   it's simple the simple way to do this [TS]

01:19:24   would be to be 1a by one of the things [TS]

01:19:26   from the infomercials that's a bag and [TS]

01:19:27   use a vacuum to suck the air out the [TS]

01:19:29   problem is that only works one way [TS]

01:19:30   that's not gonna help you coming home [TS]

01:19:32   right you don't want to carry the back [TS]

01:19:34   to the whole know you have to put that [TS]

01:19:36   in a vacuum back to and it gets back [TS]

01:19:38   he's all the way that that's practice um [TS]

01:19:43   yeah what is it what is that tack total [TS]

01:19:52   experience of a great pillow just add X [TS]

01:19:56   and i guess x is air so either way to [TS]

01:19:58   compress all the stuff out of it [TS]

01:20:00   maybe I don't know I excited like a firm [TS]

01:20:04   pillow [TS]

01:20:04   Yeah Yeah right me too but see now firm [TS]

01:20:06   pillow is not like an inflatable things [TS]

01:20:08   like it shouldn't be hard [TS]

01:20:10   it should be my firm is a difference but [TS]

01:20:11   if you suck all the air out of a foam [TS]

01:20:13   pillow suck it all down until it's totes [TS]

01:20:17   the capsule size i got an easier way the [TS]

01:20:22   easier way would be to standardize [TS]

01:20:23   something I've created for a long time [TS]

01:20:25   is to standardize through some kind of a [TS]

01:20:27   two or perhaps 3-axis grid standardized [TS]

01:20:30   pillows and then have them in sizes [TS]

01:20:31   because it's it you know the thing is I [TS]

01:20:34   it's very difficult for me is I don't [TS]

01:20:36   know what pillow to get and so I'm about [TS]

01:20:38   143 on pillows i go to the story by [TS]

01:20:40   pillow i'm not happy with what I brought [TS]

01:20:42   back and don't even know what to ask for [TS]

01:20:43   and this is the thread coat problem [TS]

01:20:45   where it's like 500 thread count means [TS]

01:20:47   nothing because it's always you know [TS]

01:20:49   that that is this just people are just [TS]

01:20:51   scoundrels and Liars about those things [TS]

01:20:53   now but I mean there should be a way to [TS]

01:20:54   describe like when you say firm like [TS]

01:20:56   what the fuck does that mean like like [TS]

01:20:57   do you want it how much do you want to [TS]

01:20:59   give how much do you want to stay down [TS]

01:21:01   when you've been on it for a minute but [TS]

01:21:02   you like it spongey right [TS]

01:21:04   do you like it feathery where that kind [TS]

01:21:06   of firmware like it's not going to yield [TS]

01:21:07   that after a certain point [TS]

01:21:09   see I think what we do though is with [TS]

01:21:10   all these ages of 3d printers in elon [TS]

01:21:12   musk should be a way to send your order [TS]

01:21:14   to the hotel and built their purpose [TS]

01:21:16   pillow could be brought into your room [TS]

01:21:17   in a sanitary bag for you but what about [TS]

01:21:19   right downstairs under the stairs [TS]

01:21:21   vending machine you put your money in [TS]

01:21:24   you choose the parameters and it and it [TS]

01:21:26   spits out it 3d Prince you a pillow just [TS]

01:21:31   your specifications [TS]

01:21:32   I just gotta keep putting the vagina on [TS]

01:21:35   it [TS]

01:21:36   I don't see why not I why would leave [TS]

01:21:38   money on the table could be shaped like [TS]

01:21:40   an L or it could be something you could [TS]

01:21:41   have a little bit of the gentlemanly [TS]

01:21:43   enterprise intercourse with but then you [TS]

01:21:46   throw it away John it's like a newspaper [TS]

01:21:48   i like it i went too far didn't I don't [TS]

01:21:53   you know in my whole life I have never [TS]

01:21:55   fucked a pillow [TS]

01:21:56   yeah it doesn't it's not a thing I've [TS]

01:21:59   tried I've tried to fuck pretty much [TS]

01:22:00   everything I don't look at a pillow and [TS]

01:22:02   think like a that's not much of a bar [TS]

01:22:06   Jon there's so many things today that I [TS]

01:22:08   I've already forgotten how many things [TS]

01:22:09   I've tried to fuck in the past [TS]

01:22:11   yeah I mean maybe it's that I see [TS]

01:22:13   pillows as like kind of Watchers oh yeah [TS]

01:22:16   yeah I wasn't like rather than like [TS]

01:22:18   lovers never traveling again John but I [TS]

01:22:29   am I him traveling I'm a traveler Berlin [TS]

01:22:33   I don't know we're stopping a team [TS]

01:22:38   should we just stop there [TS]

01:22:40   that's that it'll be the first time that [TS]

01:22:42   there's not a laugh in all the years [TS]

01:22:49   that's perfect long long dramatic pause [TS]

01:22:50   perfect and i'll make it good i'll add [TS]

01:22:54   some coffee and stuff yeah so disgusting [TS]

01:22:58   so disgusting once you start thinking [TS]

01:22:59   about it and so gross it's so close to [TS]

01:23:02   think about your getting into a bed that [TS]

01:23:04   hundreds of people have selected who [TS]

01:23:06   didn't know each other hundreds of [TS]

01:23:08   people who did not shower before they [TS]

01:23:10   got into that bed they get in there and [TS]

01:23:12   they roll their cock around in that bed [TS]

01:23:13   for like until they fell asleep and then [TS]

01:23:15   they will cover the project again in a [TS]

01:23:17   hotel like that it's all disgusting [TS]

01:23:19   people people who read Yelp and there it [TS]

01:23:34   is perfect [TS]