Roderick on the Line

Ep. 77: "The Derivation of Donk"

 

  the invasion of the continent was at [TS]

  hand [TS]

  hello hey John [TS]

  hi Merlin is going good move [TS]

  you sit down it's like love is happened [TS]

  like you're on a wireless set i do i [TS]

  yeah or like a faraway small phone [TS]

  how is like quiet you know might be the [TS]

  outcome honking volumes down time your [TS]

  volumes up and i will hopefully be here [TS]

  that's much better you sound much closer [TS]

  now that my volumes are out but it's [TS]

  probably because I'm speaking like the [TS]

  that's a that's a weird thing about the [TS]

  ship was written ready for her closeness [TS]

  and loudness never get into Roger wicker [TS]

  with your kit [TS]

  not when I was a kid because my mom [TS]

  hated country music I know he insult [TS]

  women were they were there post the side [TS]

  door entries in my house side door entry [TS]

  well yeah you know us women a lot of [TS]

  people don't realize you know from the [TS]

  TV is like Roger Whittaker right using [TS]

  he's an accomplished yodeler [TS]

  yeah it'll ask and and you know you're [TS]

  less that French painter and yeah yeah [TS]

  that's a yeah your least shock jock you [TS]

  release the guys get the rectangles [TS]

  right i mean we start over i'm yeah you [TS]

  know the 100-acre song always got a [TS]

  college or installing your warm huh [TS]

  right there were choices yeah at my [TS]

  house the sign said hippies use the side [TS]

  door and then the side door was boarded [TS]

  up into country music my mom hated John [TS]

  Denver native country music so [TS]

  thoroughly that she hated John Denver [TS]

  all through the seventies which made me [TS]

  kind of a pariah with the with the girl [TS]

  the proto fleet foxes fans 1975-76 and [TS]

  remember i just liked him for probably [TS]

  unconventional reasons because I mean in [TS]

  an ideal world your mom would [TS]

  potentially be in the top three to five [TS]

  tiers [TS]

  the John Denver target audience well [TS]

  except that this is the for this is the [TS]

  curious thing my mom is from north [TS]

  western Ohio and in my extensive [TS]

  investigations of america i have come to [TS]

  realize that the South what we work we [TS]

  refer to as the South the southern [TS]

  states of the Confederacy em really [TS]

  technically the Confederacy reaches its [TS]

  northern point in central Ohio [TS]

  oh brother don't i know it and you know [TS]

  Ohio went with the Union but in every [TS]

  other respect southern Ohio is part of [TS]

  the American salad was probably was [TS]

  probably for tax reasons as you know I'm [TS]

  from Cincinnati and it is it's it's [TS]

  pretty much exactly what it sounds like [TS]

  which is exactly between indiana and [TS]

  kentucky Cincinnatus since that is the [TS]

  great the great Roman yodeler [TS]

  yeah yeah Cincinnatus scheisse so you [TS]

  think that was her rejecting her her was [TS]

  faster the better doctors [TS]

  well not her rural past I think that I [TS]

  think that it particularly if you read [TS]

  the book the great book the great [TS]

  american history book albion's seed [TS]

  which talks about the good for great [TS]

  migrations of people from England [TS]

  England or rather the united kingdom [TS]

  because you've told me before John [TS]

  decreases a problem of Scots persons vs [TS]

  English persons that's what up [TS]

  yeah the water got in the states right [TS]

  Scott's persons vs English persons but [TS]

  also Puritans and Quakers being mistaken [TS]

  for one another and my mother my [TS]

  mother's people we have determined to my [TS]

  mom and I have spent many hours [TS]

  discussing this we have determined that [TS]

  they were in fact Quaker people who [TS]

  moved west in a very thick because [TS]

  because as you know if the south is all [TS]

  the way up through Central Ohio in [TS]

  everywhere in every way spiritually and [TS]

  emotionally packed away in every meeting [TS]

  the practical way to south ends in Lima [TS]

  Ohio that means that the that the North [TS]

  the northern states at that point are [TS]

  squeezed into a very narrow band between [TS]

  between northern Ohio and the lake right [TS]

  i mean there's it's [TS]

  there's there is no state of Ohio you're [TS]

  saying there's there's there's a small [TS]

  civic aperture in which that can fit in [TS]

  exactly and then and then you know of [TS]

  course the north then expands out in the [TS]

  West and you know you could you could [TS]

  argue that mr. eight Washington and [TS]

  Oregon are our union council is really a [TS]

  great Delta North flying delta exactly [TS]

  but so so I think right up close to the [TS]

  lake in ohio those were Puritans you [TS]

  know the the rather the the the progeny [TS]

  of Puritans and then there was this [TS]

  little snare Oh band of of Quakers that [TS]

  moved through central northern Ohio and [TS]

  then it was all scots-irish it's got [TS]

  some scots-irish all the way down until [TS]

  you hit the French down in the in the [TS]

  all the way down [TS]

  god i wish they'd hit the French in the [TS]

  in the sewers of america but at any case [TS]

  my mother's prejudice against country [TS]

  music comes from comes from a very old [TS]

  Ohio prejudice against Southern [TS]

  Hillbillies which they regarded you know [TS]

  Appalachian people which they regarded [TS]

  even within the state of Ohio as being a [TS]

  subclass I get it of whites it's almost [TS]

  like casts in india right there is [TS]

  somebody or indie rock or star trek you [TS]

  can always look down on somebody nicely [TS]

  it precisely so when people started in [TS]

  the in the forties and fifties when you [TS]

  when yodeling music became popular on [TS]

  the radio in the in the in the person [TS]

  who jump Hank Williams senior my mom was [TS]

  it instantly rejected it because it [TS]

  seemed to her to be it was white trash [TS]

  music basically she wouldn't if anything [TS]

  you want to distance yourself from that [TS]

  yeah and that's interesting and that [TS]

  prejudice against honky-tonk sounding [TS]

  fiddle playing music which she knew from [TS]

  her young childhood as being the music [TS]

  of itinerant [TS]

  uh you know white farm laborers and [TS]

  people who live down around in [TS]

  Cincinnati let alone guilty further sell [TS]

  down there around Kentucky border where [TS]

  all goes to hell anyway I must also be [TS]

  like the soundtrack for want in her mind [TS]

  like it's gotta be you know what I meet [TS]

  you don't listen to that to the [TS]

  yogurtland break because it reminds you [TS]

  being out of corn that's exactly right [TS]

  it's like it says I got all big iron I [TS]

  got all big on I love ya love ya [TS]

  so everybody gets food but you my mom [TS]

  was putting thumbs down on it I get it [TS]

  all the way through the seventies and it [TS]

  was not until she was forced to enjoy [TS]

  indie rock because her son was a perv a [TS]

  huge business niche that bad that even [TS]

  even until 2003 if she saw if she saw a [TS]

  telecaster immediately was like you know [TS]

  the needle scratching across the record [TS]

  and own home in 2003 when when when the [TS]

  long winter started you know when the [TS]

  long winters had Peter Buck play [TS]

  mandolin on cinnamon did my mom like [TS]

  concede that maybe you know maybe she [TS]

  could she could give a listen to wilco [TS]

  and it wasn't going to kill her [TS]

  so country music no Roger long and the [TS]

  short of it [TS]

  no lock Roger Whittaker in my life until [TS]

  Jesse Sykes hi aunt and the sweet [TS]

  hereafter Jesse Sykes would have me over [TS]

  to her apartment sometimes and play [TS]

  Roger Whittaker records for me that was [TS]

  excuse because they were a big influence [TS]

  on her head out service and then she [TS]

  would you know she would come out who [TS]

  would come out of the back bedroom [TS]

  withholding Roger Whittaker record and [TS]

  nothing else and and i would say well [TS]

  let's put it on what that sounds like [TS]

  and that's when I learned like it just [TS]

  as sexy buck owens all all suede [TS]

  unplayable Bakersfield and I don't [TS]

  remember this short story class there's [TS]

  a really hard time saying no good i just [TS]

  heard screaming [TS]

  I'd here there i was outside of my house [TS]

  did you just hear screen but I have to [TS]

  imagine that if you hear screaming your [TS]

  neighborhood i'm just guessing you [TS]

  figure somebody had to come in [TS]

  well I do but that will you will you [TS]

  will you play a little hole music for [TS]

  just a second and look at the 1i just [TS]

  like [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  hey [TS]

  it seems that it seems alright seems [TS]

  like that the street is clear and ok [TS]

  company [TS]

  no gunfire to follow up there's nobody [TS]

  screaming still so I feel like the [TS]

  neighborhood's results [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  okay here's the thing you may remember [TS]

  from a short story class Alice Walker [TS]

  short story everyday use and it's a [TS]

  story about a like basically you know I [TS]

  afro wearing forward-thinking in [TS]

  afro-american young woman who comes home [TS]

  from college and once her grandmother's [TS]

  quilt and as basically a afro as you say [TS]

  then basically you know an [TS]

  african-american artifact right and [TS]

  they're like now we still use this and [TS]

  she says that the rest of the story [TS]

  entitled it is too good for everyday use [TS]

  right right it becomes that i have one [TS]

  of those here at my house of a quote [TS]

  that my great-grandmother almost [TS]

  everything in your house is too good for [TS]

  every day yes it's true that's really [TS]

  what really i just on my way home I i [TS]

  spent speaking of a prose I saw a young [TS]

  man in his mid twenties wearing a [TS]

  full-on kid and play here tower is [TS]

  called fade if the butt but all fade [TS]

  like hi hoti hai fade-in he's in his mid [TS]

  twenties so it's see it so he's doing [TS]

  this as a retro gesture and he was [TS]

  driving a convertible red Jaguar and I I [TS]

  felt like pulling over getting out of my [TS]

  car and applauding as he drove by [TS]

  because I just felt like yes thank you [TS]

  thank you [TS]

  you know you should be allowed to give [TS]

  out citations to people not in the bad [TS]

  way you should be able to give sight [TS]

  people citations for winning the day you [TS]

  should be able to go to him and give him [TS]

  a handsome certificate sister you just [TS]

  won the day [TS]

  well and this is that this is why i feel [TS]

  Maryland that technology has not it [TS]

  despite all of our handheld the gizmo [TS]

  soon [TS]

  technology has not caught up to what we [TS]

  imagined it would be because it [TS]

  routinely and I'm talking about 10 times [TS]

  a day [TS]

  I'm driving and I would like to send a [TS]

  message to the driver in front of the [TS]

  driver beside me or the driver behind me [TS]

  and it's a it's i would just like to [TS]

  send them a personal message that would [TS]

  show up on their dashboard for for for a [TS]

  minute [TS]

  you know like 44 justjust for 30 seconds [TS]

  i would like to be able to and I think [TS]

  every driver should have this ability to [TS]

  be able to send a message to the dr [TS]

  in front of them next to them or behind [TS]

  them and sometimes I sometimes that [TS]

  message is a citation in the form of you [TS]

  are doing an excellent job driving and I [TS]

  am having a very good time following you [TS]

  because you are you are navigating [TS]

  through traffic in a way that I admire [TS]

  and I am I am keeping pace with you just [TS]

  so that i can admire you and it's an [TS]

  honor to not need to tailgate you [TS]

  exactly yes i would just I i would like [TS]

  to i would just like to commend you and [TS]

  I know that it's a certain point you are [TS]

  going to take an exit or you're gonna go [TS]

  in a different direction and I would [TS]

  just like to leave you with a gold star [TS]

  and I feel like there should i should [TS]

  have the ability to put type your [TS]

  license plate into into my device and [TS]

  say send send message to X license plate [TS]

  nicely done gold star now what you only [TS]

  sent kind messages John no absolutely [TS]

  not i would also say that i would say i [TS]

  would send messages like lower your [TS]

  brights and if you if if it is not a [TS]

  case where your brights are on but that [TS]

  you have halogen lights in your car and [TS]

  they are and they're in accurately aimed [TS]

  you need to go to a service station and [TS]

  have the man aim them properly [TS]

  yes and if it is the technology's there [TS]

  John if it is not a case of improperly [TS]

  aim telligence but just that you have [TS]

  made a modification to your car and put [TS]

  illegally bright lights in your car i [TS]

  would like you to take the car to a [TS]

  crusher i would like you to remain in [TS]

  the car while the car is crushed but for [TS]

  this system to work [TS]

  yes a there has to be a way for you to [TS]

  send this to someone approximate driver [TS]

  um I think I think I think be there has [TS]

  to be some way for them to have to read [TS]

  it like maybe they only the car will [TS]

  only run maybe get only so many days of [TS]

  what a day maybe there's some some kind [TS]

  of economics to it you'd like to add a [TS]

  right exactly so everybody gets to a day [TS]

  you don't get a nuisance you have to [TS]

  reserve them you can't just be driving [TS]

  on their own saying fuck you fuck you [TS]

  fuck you but you have not responded [TS]

  appropriately within 15 seconds the car [TS]

  literally blows up yeah right [TS]

  all four wheels goes along with the [TS]

  other tires blow out but all the time [TS]

  you want to say like stop looking at [TS]

  your phone it is impairing your driving [TS]

  stop stop driving 50 miles an hour in [TS]

  the fast lane you are causing a traffic [TS]

  jam you want to be able to send these [TS]

  simple messages you can just have a [TS]

  little could be like a terminator screen [TS]

  where it's just like dude fuck you [TS]

  asshole you get the common heads-up [TS]

  heads-up display [TS]

  yeah that's right and you're just appear [TS]

  on their you add think I think this two [TS]

  or three a day and advanced driver [TS]

  should maybe get 45 ok i would like to [TS]

  come back to the idea of what I'm going [TS]

  to call skipping and generation if we [TS]

  have time later I want to circle back to [TS]

  that but here's what I'll tell you about [TS]

  that i think i think it's fucking [TS]

  sickening that you can go out and just [TS]

  because the dim sum place that's been [TS]

  open for a week accidentally had one bad [TS]

  night and you and your friends from San [TS]

  Francisco State University collapse on [TS]

  that place on yelp and you can put it [TS]

  out of business literally within three [TS]

  business days right I think it's sick [TS]

  it's fucking sickening to me that you [TS]

  can do that but you can't take a truly [TS]

  dangerous 80 year old woman driving 50 [TS]

  miles an hour off the road [TS]

  yes don't you think I mean isn't it [TS]

  seemed bizarre that you could have some [TS]

  some kind of Wolfie on yelp but you [TS]

  don't have a way to have like force [TS]

  large letters on the heads-up display [TS]

  for the person in front of you while [TS]

  you're here is what we're talking about [TS]

  if you could yelp somebody's driver's [TS]

  license plate [TS]

  yeah and sent and those yelp reviews [TS]

  would go and be reviewed at the [TS]

  Department of Motor Vehicles [TS]

  periodically and have you know i think [TS]

  for public beautiful have you gotten at [TS]

  the end of my guys he's got plenty on [TS]

  your plate you should be part of the [TS]

  public tribunal that is that is trying [TS]

  people hook based on their own [TS]

  automotive yelp reviews now here's the [TS]

  thing you know what I don't need I don't [TS]

  need of to send things google maps will [TS]

  not let you send things to a car [TS]

  I don't need that and that's that's like [TS]

  the opposite of what I need [TS]

  that's right what I needed to say you [TS]

  know what they got all the other get [TS]

  started on the NSA thing right it's been [TS]

  a while since we chatted a lot a lot [TS]

  happened i've seen a lot of world war [TS]

  two movies it's true but we don't have [TS]

  to catch up on you know a lot of [TS]

  concerned citizens have been kept [TS]

  contacting me offline [TS]

  how's that a man a concerned citizen yes [TS]

  yes took me aside in real life who and [TS]

  pulled up on his phone [TS]

  the last half a dozen episodes of rock [TS]

  on the line podcast em I said would you [TS]

  like to see the dates from the last 60 [TS]

  gosh line podcasts I and I said no not [TS]

  really and he said well let me show them [TS]

  to you anyway and and then he he [TS]

  proceeded to publicly [TS]

  shame me it's a timeliness issue well [TS]

  here he's saying he's he said he [TS]

  actually said do you want to see the [TS]

  next you want to see the last six [TS]

  episodes of the marc maron podcast and i [TS]

  said i would say no I said I have no [TS]

  interest at all it's absolutely nothing [TS]

  he said well let me just let me just in [TS]

  shorthand clear this up for you that you [TS]

  in the last two months he has made a lot [TS]

  more podcasts than you and Merlin have [TS]

  and I was like my goodness [TS]

  message received oh my goodness [TS]

  Community College my gosh where do you [TS]

  want to begin [TS]

  wow well thank you yeah butBut about why [TS]

  I feel like we've gotten into it right [TS]

  away here [TS]

  yeah and that would have got that out of [TS]

  the way John and I I feel getting an apt [TS]

  to keep track of my interventions at [TS]

  this point so I'm just glad I don't have [TS]

  to deal with that right now we are but [TS]

  we already have we already have [TS]

  established in this podcast already it's [TS]

  just a few minutes in asset that we need [TS]

  some kind of system like maybe from that [TS]

  swedish movie where the punk rock girl a [TS]

  was tracking as some kind of serial [TS]

  killer [TS]

  I love the girl with the regret [TS]

  interface yeah they're go through [TS]

  thursday the girls stopped on the horse [TS]

  face the girl with the the shasun in the [TS]

  yes says the shootin sitter is different [TS]

  versions of that John let's remember in [TS]

  yeah but anyway what she did at one [TS]

  point she tied up her attacker and she [TS]

  tattooed a rapist on his somewhere on [TS]

  him that a pictogram somewhere and oh i [TS]

  know i think it was to the actual words [TS]

  written statement i sin but it was in [TS]

  Swedish so he could just move to a [TS]

  different country and they feel like oh [TS]

  yeah that's my home stay away from the [TS]

  six people to speak Swedish in your yeah [TS]

  he moved to Spain and they'd be like hey [TS]

  nice tattoo and be like yeah well I've [TS]

  got a little bit of a radical kale [TS]

  outsider outsider artist must've slipped [TS]

  but in any case if we have the ability [TS]

  based on yelp reviews of license plates [TS]

  to have public tribunals where the [TS]

  result was that we tattooed some some [TS]

  form of like a bad driver bad person [TS]

  yeah that person really john III don't [TS]

  want to get into the wheel here but at [TS]

  this point we need an intern because [TS]

  you're onto like four or five different [TS]

  thematic things that are becoming [TS]

  extremely important to me and they keep [TS]

  coming up again and again which makes me [TS]

  think they're important [TS]

  so yes first of all there should be a [TS]

  way that your will can be imposed upon [TS]

  strangers let's just let's just let's [TS]

  just get that out of the way and we've [TS]

  established that yeah that's it still [TS]

  hitting for the stands ready on right [TS]

  there should be a way to force force [TS]

  people to hear what you have to say and [TS]

  then respond appropriately and in a [TS]

  timely manner in a timely manner right [TS]

  you can't just let the heads-up things [TS]

  sit there for a week and you'll steam [TS]

  right [TS]

  sure I like the idea the tribunal no [TS]

  question about sometimes I think you've [TS]

  been you've been a gentleman about it [TS]

  and I know you're busy you got a lot on [TS]

  your plate you might not have time to [TS]

  lead that many tribunals maybe you could [TS]

  manage other tribunal managers it seems [TS]

  like if we get if we get a baseline of [TS]

  rules who people are then operating [TS]

  according to what you know what [TS]

  constitutes a system if there are [TS]

  questions [TS]

  it's like any city court system you do [TS]

  your best to become an existential [TS]

  referee if there are questions you bump [TS]

  it up to a higher court [TS]

  I like it you're out you know what you [TS]

  could just be available you could be up [TS]

  there in your bathrobe you see matar up [TS]

  in your up here Garrett and occasionally [TS]

  people just you know I get high get a [TS]

  lot of emails and tweets already of [TS]

  people asking me questions into the cave [TS]

  matter if it was a system where was I [TS]

  mean you hear you remember you remember [TS]

  the two kids that came up to me in [TS]

  portland wanted me to to figure out [TS]

  their relationship a situation and and [TS]

  you know I I i spelled that out for him [TS]

  don't judge john hodgman about three [TS]

  minutes it does kind of sound like that [TS]

  i want to try to want right here to [TS]

  sting here's the thing that John Hodgman [TS]

  will not do is tattoo people be against [TS]

  their will [TS]

  this and I believe this came up at least [TS]

  once before I I don't start program that [TS]

  often but i believe this came up in a [TS]

  discussion of going through the line at [TS]

  the airport where you should have to [TS]

  prove we go through the clear Lane are [TS]

  not things anymore but like there should [TS]

  definitely be a way i think based on i [TS]

  think i'm kinda member we left at one [TS]

  place we left your idea i believe was to [TS]

  either i think slay them [TS]

  we'll give them a tattoo and I want a [TS]

  way for them to be able to bring the [TS]

  great up I wanted them to have a way of [TS]

  saying basically a Yelp first I just a [TS]

  fucking hate help i really want you to [TS]

  stay here and set about to a bunch of [TS]

  times that's really frustrating be at [TS]

  the NSA is already like marking this [TS]

  down in their yelp discussion [TS]

  well I'm gonna come back to that too [TS]

  because I'm not contrarian silly but i [TS]

  will say that when we get access to [TS]

  what's actually in that data [TS]

  oh boy we're going to stuff that the [TS]

  government has no idea that they can [TS]

  even do you know sorry about you and I [TS]

  could do with excel and that information [TS]

  you know how many things we could fix [TS]

  I'm time compiling a list of keywords [TS]

  right now in my mind it would take like [TS]

  an afternoon to just get rid of so many [TS]

  problems in yeah well here's the problem [TS]

  with force tattooing it has a bad [TS]

  history in the 20th century [TS]

  okay to be able to be a tribal scarring [TS]

  ok alright ritual scarring [TS]

  yeah yeah yeah maybe there's all kinds [TS]

  of ways to fuck somebody up John if you [TS]

  I used to go to parties and there was a [TS]

  bit was during I used to go to parties [TS]

  but but also i used to go to parties in [TS]

  the nineties where it was popular to [TS]

  stick a fork in the electric burner of [TS]

  the stove at the party house and [TS]

  everybody would you know and a certain [TS]

  group of people would give themselves [TS]

  like fork burns as a way of like being [TS]

  modern primitives one trade paperback of [TS]

  research magazine and so many lives [TS]

  ruined [TS]

  that's exactly right you know that's all [TS]

  it takes to get down to the independent [TS]

  bookstore you pick that up and then and [TS]

  then pretty soon you like a cup holder [TS]

  for kitchen gadgets yeah pretty pretty [TS]

  soon you've gotta eat all you can do [TS]

  anymore is look at vivisection [TS]

  photographs because you've lost you [TS]

  become desensitized kinky you can [TS]

  masturbate to anything normal you can't [TS]

  really even masturbate [TS]

  yeah you just want you just want to go [TS]

  to a slaughterhouse you got a principle [TS]

  we got a prince philip of spain in there [TS]

  you get your penis velcro to your lip I [TS]

  Jesus John I think tattooing is a [TS]

  wonderful way I mean already people very [TS]

  thoughtfully are putting big tattoos of [TS]

  like mexican prayer candle images of the [TS]

  Virgin Mary right on the side of your [TS]

  neck so that you don't you no longer [TS]

  really have just to ask yourself in a [TS]

  group of people like who are the [TS]

  ding-a-lings in this group of people the [TS]

  dealings herself herself brand [TS]

  thing and they're saying rapid healing i [TS]

  have i have a big Madonna on my neck if [TS]

  you've got let's put it this way if you [TS]

  have a notional room with a million [TS]

  people in it and you have to quickly [TS]

  decide which point zero one percent just [TS]

  have bad judgment without having any [TS]

  time to talk to anybody ask people to [TS]

  remove everything from the top of their [TS]

  head to the bottom of their neck and [TS]

  about in about two minutes you're gonna [TS]

  be you're gonna be good to go you can [TS]

  have way more than points0 1% your [TS]

  lawyer call for doing things right away [TS]

  that's right and can give them give them [TS]

  a special task [TS]

  yeah you there with the st. Jude let's [TS]

  move on and talk about hopeless [TS]

  she's you guys would you guys take some [TS]

  of the Zyklon B and go put it in that [TS]

  bathtub for me okay i said i saw the [TS]

  longest day [TS]

  wait a minute did you just hit a bell [TS]

  accidentally or was that like a muted [TS]

  that I've never I've never hit the bell [TS]

  more deliberately and I've never meeting [TS]

  quickly called Carolina scheisse click [TS]

  them so maybe not as well anyway i'm [TS]

  doing a little shot of chew spit into me [TS]

  like a like a like I have blazing [TS]

  saddles sort of to the spits spittoon [TS]

  across again but here haha ok I we've [TS]

  got skipping generation we've got yelp i [TS]

  got a lot to cover John but I mean you [TS]

  know what you can I just say one thing [TS]

  uh I don't want to get too nostalgic [TS]

  about this program we used to do but it [TS]

  really does warm my heart how often [TS]

  first of all you know it's not it's not [TS]

  annoying to be reminded that i haven't [TS]

  done the show because let's let's just [TS]

  let me just tell you i'm aware how long [TS]

  it's been since we can't we're not doing [TS]

  it to provoke you made it [TS]

  oh you're talking to the listeners now [TS]

  I'm sorry I'm this side I know it's [TS]

  unseemly to speak to our audience down [TS]

  like I get that I get the impression [TS]

  that they periodically yes I think they [TS]

  always did missed it missed you know it [TS]

  is you know it is it's like your parents [TS]

  or your order or your mate you miss them [TS]

  so much until you see him again [TS]

  yeah well your kids let's be honest and [TS]

  you think boy I really missed you free [TS]

  recently didn't is really weird [TS]

  now we're back but I've been looking for [TS]

  figuring out how to kill you with poison [TS]

  and a few you made 15 subtle uh [TS]

  Holocaust references and you insulted [TS]

  probably me or my family might just be [TS]

  the listeners up in there so many ways [TS]

  in which i would like to see your will [TS]

  impose on people i think people have [TS]

  missed that skipping better i'm feeling [TS]

  more willful lately you sound good you [TS]

  sound like you're on top of your game me [TS]

  I have more chili what's going on [TS]

  well no I in fact i'm seriously can [TS]

  contemplating now that i have not taken [TS]

  any steps toward this in fact so anyway [TS]

  I'm seriously can kind of contemplating [TS]

  doing some kind of low carbohydrate diet [TS]

  and as I've been thinking about it I've [TS]

  been heating up more and more pasta just [TS]

  to get it out of my cupboards and just [TS]

  as I just as when i decided i was going [TS]

  to quit drinking i went on a but I [TS]

  started drinking rai at 40 have just [TS]

  said you could have been there to help [TS]

  you to really spirit spirit along [TS]

  spirited away but so i'm contemplating [TS]

  this low carbohydrate and i'm still [TS]

  battling ants in my apartment ball John [TS]

  um and and so they're really getting me [TS]

  down I was gone for teaching reading the [TS]

  sugar would help i have no idea what [TS]

  these answer eating there is nothing in [TS]

  my house I emptied it of food and I was [TS]

  gone for two weeks I hermetically sealed [TS]

  it and I came back and they were just [TS]

  they were just having a party just doing [TS]

  the things that they do you have a grand [TS]

  grants and steaks if you tried those [TS]

  they're very rewarding you have those [TS]

  grants remember because it rhymes [TS]

  what is it grants you get these little [TS]

  things and it looks like you get this [TS]

  little things like little silver thing [TS]

  with a hole in it it's on a little [TS]

  plastic spiky thing you can just stick [TS]

  it into the ground outside we can just [TS]

  lay it down inside and it does the job [TS]

  it doesn't number as they say on ants [TS]

  it's pretty good you put it wherever [TS]

  they're likely to walk it's really [TS]

  gratifying it's like we are we get mice [TS]

  in our garage occasionally and i put [TS]

  that way and what traps that I need to [TS]

  just cuz I left find dead mice [TS]

  haha I'm not gotten so good at and [TS]

  there's so little and I've gotten really [TS]

  really good at it and I like to think I [TS]

  like leaving there for a couple three [TS]

  days I don't know it actually helps as a [TS]

  warning to the others [TS]

  whistling square type situation sort of [TS]

  like a webcam is getting it sends a [TS]

  message [TS]

  yeah but no okay so I want to talk about [TS]

  the carbs too and i want to talk about [TS]

  Alice Walker and Yelp I mean you know [TS]

  how uninteresting talking about [TS]

  carbohydrates is I must say one thing [TS]

  about that John it makes a huge [TS]

  difference [TS]

  well and that's what you and you first [TS]

  met me when I was that you didn't eat [TS]

  nothing but bacon that wasn't long after [TS]

  we met I remember I remember and I'm and [TS]

  I'm looking forward to something making [TS]

  a huge difference in my life [TS]

  oh god me too i've been really crazy and [TS]

  I'm really tired lately [TS]

  yeah yeah that's exactly right tired old [TS]

  a ineffectual Lance unwell unlovable [TS]

  yeah marginalized you know I bought some [TS]

  pink pains i'm wearing purple sneakers [TS]

  yeah and I'm hoping that pink pants are [TS]

  things that are going to give me they're [TS]

  gonna give me a new lease on life [TS]

  pink pants and then the halitosis that [TS]

  comes from ketosis and that's going to [TS]

  be the thing that doesn't get texts more [TS]

  people to cut as I walked through the [TS]

  town people are gonna be like that guy [TS]

  with the bad breath in the pink pants as [TS]

  a youthful glow [TS]

  first of all are the pants comfortable [TS]

  they do they fit you appropriately well [TS]

  so this is the thing about the [TS]

  drawstring no not drawstring milk [TS]

  what do you think is happening to me not [TS]

  just a slap at to get I'm not an [TS]

  astronaut I'm not going all the way [TS]

  there like they have to now [TS]

  no I that for as far as i can tell the [TS]

  choice of pink pants but the valid [TS]

  choice of pink pants leaving inside [TS]

  anything with drawstrings you can either [TS]

  get tight a skinny fit uniqlo pink pants [TS]

  right that like why the project runway [TS]

  pants [TS]

  yeah that you require you wear white [TS]

  sunglasses and they have a fauxhawk [TS]

  evening which are not which are not [TS]

  going to look good on me I'm gonna look [TS]

  I'm gonna look like a lollipop [TS]

  I'm gonna look like an Oxford cloth [TS]

  lollipop or you get some proper pink [TS]

  pants that will you that that an old man [TS]

  on Cape Cod where i like-like-like from [TS]

  your preppy days like like nightwear [TS]

  normal pants [TS]

  ya better better pants that might have [TS]

  anchors on them [TS]

  right for that but orbital completed [TS]

  right you're not gonna play completed [TS]

  flat-front i'm looking forward to option [TS]

  3 cotton pants you know in a light pink [TS]

  color which is what which is what I got [TS]

  and I and they are very they're very [TS]

  comfortable and not only are they [TS]

  comfortable to wear but they are I'm [TS]

  very comfortable with what they say [TS]

  about me you just comfortable with pink [TS]

  you always happen [TS]

  yeah yeah i think is a hell of a good [TS]

  color for men an option 30 could you [TS]

  could choose to get comically oversized [TS]

  ballooning role because once you get it [TS]

  once you get a little heavier than you'd [TS]

  like it's really rewarding to buy pants [TS]

  and exercise big so they don't feel like [TS]

  you're fat pants no I can't do that [TS]

  anymore because I'm already putting out [TS]

  of stock since i'm already at the left [TS]

  the limit [TS]

  i'm at the moment I set for myself and [TS]

  this excuse me excuse me are these a [TS]

  size eight [TS]

  no sir please turn it a quarter turn [TS]

  that's an infinity sign up but i think [TS]

  the third option is you buy a pair of [TS]

  white levis and you dive in pink but I'm [TS]

  not gonna do that [TS]

  ah i don't know if you remember this and [TS]

  I if you remember please tell because [TS]

  you'll talk better than 90 but um I was [TS]

  into the action stuff as you know I used [TS]

  to weigh 30 pounds more now especially [TS]

  turning to my side and pulling my pants [TS]

  ad saying she'll be largely usually [TS]

  bigger band was a bigger man i had or [TS]

  orange hair but I well I remember it was [TS]

  it wasn't really very first met but like [TS]

  a room i think was around the time we [TS]

  met I long after that it really was like [TS]

  catching fire I've been doing it for [TS]

  like animal a pretty good while but it [TS]

  really caught on [TS]

  everybody was doing Atkins and you as if [TS]

  I remember were just you kind of just [TS]

  sick of hearing people talk about Atkins [TS]

  and then then he died [TS]

  yes and easily seriously look at our [TS]

  butter to remember if you remember what [TS]

  you said people who talked about Atkins [TS]

  that I'm not Church you were talking to [TS]

  a woman who is going on and on about [TS]

  about Atkins yeah i'm telling your story [TS]

  i hope you don't mind so casually sell [TS]

  you acting so much healthier suspect and [TS]

  and well well look what happened to him [TS]

  hey you know what Eagle he died [TS]

  and we hit he felt he slipped on ice and [TS]

  fell down you won't see up so I just [TS]

  that but obviously you're telling of it [TS]

  was better but that's it you know it [TS]

  does make you feel better you get more [TS]

  energy but you get to get into that they [TS]

  call it the induction phase which is [TS]

  they're made-up name for the getting [TS]

  into darkness and whenever you go to you [TS]

  know it's fun it's fun to do is go to an [TS]

  actual physician that went to an [TS]

  American Medical School and tell them [TS]

  about things you read about it like that [TS]

  sure you talk to him about chiropractic [TS]

  you you go in and talk to somebody who's [TS]

  actually had a chemistry class and use [TS]

  words like ketosis yeah well as far as I [TS]

  said somebody at the gas station saying [TS]

  to you you did that one song had like [TS]

  what [TS]

  so talking about a little 64 flat on it [TS]

  was there but the one with a string with [TS]

  the string what was that thing about the [TS]

  thing about playing guitars that the [TS]

  barrier to entry is a lot lower [TS]

  so the kinetic gas station days and for [TS]

  reading more about it than I do he's in [TS]

  rehab for people at the severe head [TS]

  trauma [TS]

  it's it's that easy to pick up that what [TS]

  I'm discovering about myself is that I i [TS]

  do not have I do not have such a [TS]

  sophisticated palate that the head [TS]

  frankly that I give a shit what what I [TS]

  eat [TS]

  you know like food true that food is not [TS]

  a form of entertainment and make sure it [TS]

  doesn't seem to come into it could be in [TS]

  a can be on a counter [TS]

  yeah start with ants listen if if if if [TS]

  the chef boyardee has been anywhere [TS]

  close to it I'm i know i'm going to [TS]

  enjoy it but it but but I'm not but I'm [TS]

  not against like fancy food but it'sit's [TS]

  just that food is a kind of like my [TS]

  relationship to food is both like full [TS]

  of boredom and also full of like [TS]

  emotional neediness you know I mean like [TS]

  I go downstairs and I make a four-pound [TS]

  bowl don't care what comes next [TS]

  found full of sugar covered with fat [TS]

  and I said you know and I just let it [TS]

  drip down my chin I just eating it just [TS]

  you know kind of softly crying and just [TS]

  trying to fill the hole in me with [TS]

  spackle and I need to I need to break [TS]

  that cycle [TS]

  yeah and get him to a place where food [TS]

  is dead animals which is what it should [TS]

  be [TS]

  uh-huh a dead animals at in a in just [TS]

  that with them with a minimum of Bologna [TS]

  or rather if you want to wrap it in [TS]

  Bologna that's fine too but dead animals [TS]

  with salt and butter [TS]

  it sounds and then I'll just don't know [TS]

  I feel like a lot of my troubles will go [TS]

  away and I'll stop I'll stop crying [TS]

  while i eat i will stop listening to [TS]

  people talk about food completely [TS]

  instead of like ninety-eight percent [TS]

  isn't that huge turn-on it's all I can [TS]

  do not to tell you like to tell you not [TS]

  to share with you half a dozen different [TS]

  very strong feelings they have about [TS]

  this because of the impact it has had on [TS]

  me but it's just it's so fucking boring [TS]

  to hear people talk about food i read i [TS]

  get rid of all books out of my life to [TS]

  god they're so annoying [TS]

  the books we gotta go you know you know [TS]

  if my house is gonna be like one of [TS]

  those houses like what you he finished [TS]

  dinner you have quite a plan ready here [TS]

  I think it i think i'm gonna make my [TS]

  house like a hotel but I can you know [TS]

  its unique one of those skis is hotels [TS]

  yeah levels like a ski lodge you know [TS]

  what um great seinfeld jokes you want [TS]

  you don't you should do you know I the [TS]

  last thing in the world you should do [TS]

  with your actual house as far as I'm [TS]

  concerned is turned into an actual bed [TS]

  and breakfast going to be kind of nice [TS]

  if you made it look like a [TS]

  bed-and-breakfast and you just live [TS]

  there would that be nice like a [TS]

  bed-and-breakfast yes it's the thing is [TS]

  if you you have guessed a lot in your [TS]

  wonderful host [TS]

  thank you God thank ya seriously I mean [TS]

  it's wonderful to be there but it could [TS]

  be the world's most secure [TS]

  bed-and-breakfast other places you go [TS]

  there are holes on the perimeter [TS]

  everywhere they can weigh more about [TS]

  muffins that about somebody getting a [TS]

  clear shot you know from 300 yards away [TS]

  right right you don't you can do with [TS]

  the scope with browning things i watched [TS]

  a document about Cyprus today [TS]

  I mean a lot of people don't realize how [TS]

  unprotected their bed-and-breakfast is [TS]

  you put out you put down some Yahtzee [TS]

  and fucking family circle from 1982 and [TS]

  you call the hotel fuck that the thing [TS]

  about a sniper though is he's out there [TS]

  mhm and yet you have to you have to [TS]

  pretty much trust that the sniper is not [TS]

  going to start feeling somewhat he's not [TS]

  gonna start feeling estranged he's [TS]

  watching she's watching your perimeter [TS]

  be swatching it through a scope so he's [TS]

  only getting some he's only getting half [TS]

  of the context he sees you go out to the [TS]

  mailbox every day is your pants he sees [TS]

  he sees you talking to people guy and a [TS]

  guy in a dark sedan drives up you lean [TS]

  in to the window you talk for a few [TS]

  minutes he drives away pretty soon the [TS]

  sniper starts to feel it's just in their [TS]

  nature to feel a creeping right away [TS]

  it's like that other people's lives [TS]

  movie right or are you start to start [TS]

  listening long enough and pretty soon [TS]

  your part you're part of the list maybe [TS]

  he looks and he sees some overstock [TS]

  pillows or some Braille Playboy's and he [TS]

  feels he starts feeling maybe he wants [TS]

  to you know spend a couple nights there [TS]

  may be a Liberty weekend [TS]

  yeah he said he starts to say to himself [TS]

  why am i why am i stationed up in this [TS]

  tree covered in netting while people are [TS]

  coming sleeping comfortably in this [TS]

  house and my nominal employer the the [TS]

  owner of the bed-and-breakfast keeps [TS]

  talking to men in dark sedans what if [TS]

  you have the world's first [TS]

  bed-and-breakfast exclusively for [TS]

  snipers they could come in maybe maybe [TS]

  they could come in and help you i mean [TS]

  obviously you know most of what you need [TS]

  to know but if you had exclusively [TS]

  paramilitary black ops kinds of people [TS]

  that can see that they know it's a [TS]

  comfortable place it in a secured [TS]

  location [TS]

  I'm saying I'm just saying the thing is [TS]

  it's all about vertical markets John if [TS]

  you want to score high on yelp you're [TS]

  gonna have to go beyond like I we have [TS]

  prints and shit you know to something [TS]

  like you know you get a boiled egg and [TS]

  we talk too much when I see no I'm [TS]

  seeing what you're saying because [TS]

  they're after the astronauts maybe [TS]

  astronauts it swelled with if you if you [TS]

  just if you just focus on snipers you [TS]

  got marine snipers you got there for [TS]

  snipers you got army snipers you got [TS]

  then you've got all the like you've got [TS]

  the CIA snipers but you've also got [TS]

  these weird like State Department [TS]

  snipers that nobody ever these guys [TS]

  John's gonna be guys you can errands [TS]

  going to have one of those black amex [TS]

  cards african-american amex cards [TS]

  they're gonna hand it over [TS]

  you're not [TS]

  gonna know what kind of sniper they are [TS]

  and let's be honest they may not even [TS]

  know what kind of sniper they were they [TS]

  didn't know they work for [TS]

  it's a huge untapped market we don't [TS]

  even know how many snipers are out there [TS]

  literally tire size or just returned [TS]

  currently active snipers I think that I [TS]

  i'm guessing there are snipers that [TS]

  don't even know their sniper Oh hundred [TS]

  percent sleeper cell manager handed now [TS]

  how do you get the word out to those [TS]

  guys you just need the right marketing [TS]

  materials probably a facebook page and [TS]

  it's just collecting bikes [TS]

  well okay so there's a lot of ways you [TS]

  could go with this i'm just gonna say [TS]

  first of all there's nothing in this [TS]

  world more deadly than a marine his [TS]

  rifle you know that we wear that the it [TS]

  yeah i remember the guy up in the tower [TS]

  in austin that's right George Williams [TS]

  sir charles where he learned is where he [TS]

  learned his trade agreement sir that's [TS]

  right the Marines but I'm gonna call you [TS]

  private doesn't know he's a sniper all [TS]

  you know what in order to check in here [TS]

  you have to prove that you were born [TS]

  again hard can you do that is down here [TS]

  and dissemble your rifle you go into the [TS]

  latrine you got yet watch that night [TS]

  now there's a lot of things that you [TS]

  could do I mean obviously I guess [TS]

  there's two ways you could go i think [TS]

  its first again I as soon as you know I [TS]

  am NOT a bed-and-breakfast consultant [TS]

  yeah but i had to get my you might want [TS]

  to start with people who know their [TS]

  snipers and just break this is a problem [TS]

  with me and my relationship to snipers [TS]

  in my relationship to all kinds of all [TS]

  kinds of people that I that I that I [TS]

  think I want to be friends with the the [TS]

  number one problem with me being friends [TS]

  with former Special Ops people is that i [TS]

  am not a member of that fraternity [TS]

  technically right so when they say when [TS]

  they like flash their little skulls head [TS]

  ring or they say you know where did you [TS]

  serve or whatever it is that they say to [TS]

  each other when they say 6am Semper [TS]

  Tyrannis or I think they get the job [TS]

  John Wilkes Booth company said it but [TS]

  it's a Dolce Far Niente or whatever it [TS]

  is they're trained to say it a certain [TS]

  little TV division and I say you know [TS]

  and I say you know what group or [TS]

  whatever whatever my reply is it means [TS]

  that skullenbones thing you just [TS]

  responded with the [TS]

  whoop to the sniper exactly i showed [TS]

  them my my masonic pinky ring but they [TS]

  know it's wrong but the this the points [TS]

  of the star are facing away from my [TS]

  heart or whatever i've already i'm not [TS]

  already not a member of of the [TS]

  fraternity enough that I can that I can [TS]

  bridge that gap and and make the common [TS]

  cause with them that I feel like that I [TS]

  in my imagination exists but that but [TS]

  the other problem and this is one that [TS]

  is that's growing in concern to me is [TS]

  that there's been a lot of a lot more [TS]

  exposure of Special Operations people in [TS]

  the last 10 years you know it you during [TS]

  the Reagan like an awareness of what [TS]

  they do routing as both I mean just [TS]

  because of the way our culture goes the [TS]

  whole business in in 1985 if you worked [TS]

  in any fashion in a secret agency you [TS]

  made no reference to it whatsoever your [TS]

  your spouse didn't know you yet you [TS]

  won't show up in Scarsdale do you know [TS]

  that thing that thing down Nicaragua [TS]

  that was me [TS]

  yeah right you weren't certainly writing [TS]

  a book about it are appearing on [TS]

  television about it but now i don't know [TS]

  if you saw but there was this movie that [TS]

  came out a couple years ago that was all [TS]

  currently active SEAL team members [TS]

  starring in this movie and it was it was [TS]

  predictably awful the acting was the [TS]

  event was effective world i mean is that [TS]

  these are they were acting in this movie [TS]

  was a documentary [TS]

  yeah it was a SEAL team here it was a [TS]

  SEAL team movie where they were out [TS]

  chasing terrorists and jumping out of [TS]

  airplanes and and they had and they had [TS]

  like boats outfitted with Gatling guns [TS]

  that could strip the bark off a tree and [TS]

  and all this crazy shit and they were [TS]

  flying around the world and chasing [TS]

  terrorists but it was all the actors [TS]

  were all active SEAL team members and so [TS]

  the dialogue was it was it was like [TS]

  watching of the bark of a tree try and [TS]

  then do line readings sounds like that [TS]

  would defeat the purpose of two [TS]

  different industries on the one hand you [TS]

  have the desire to theoretically [TS]

  entertain people and on the other hand [TS]

  you try to keep the country safe bye [TS]

  saying who's a seal well so so but my [TS]

  experience of you know of absorbing and [TS]

  consuming all this special forces [TS]

  material you know it began of course [TS]

  with them with the movie where the girl [TS]

  from st. Elmo's fire went through the [TS]

  seal training and shaved her head [TS]

  oh come on mrs. bruce willis yes the [TS]

  lady who is in if the action to [TS]

  Kitchener's G&G Obama GI jane was at it [TS]

  so I want I because that movie was on [TS]

  cable a lot and because I will always [TS]

  watch dramatized sere training i watch [TS]

  that movie a dozen times and a and back [TS]

  then you couldn't trust what you were [TS]

  seeing because it was just Hollywood and [TS]

  it was some dumb it was some dumb movie [TS]

  but now you get to meet the seal people [TS]

  on TV or on the internet there you get [TS]

  to see them in real life and my [TS]

  perception of them which was completely [TS]

  formed in my imagination with no basis [TS]

  in reality my perception of them being [TS]

  Jason Bourne like at the minimum but but [TS]

  but honestly my perception my dream of [TS]

  them was the pick overall like roddy [TS]

  mcdowall over we're getting into it with [TS]

  it no no no no notnot be not your body [TS]

  Piper I've been rod roddy mcdowall sorry [TS]

  Cornelius yeah [TS]

  Cornelius exactly but hey is that you [TS]

  know he plays an American in the longest [TS]

  day [TS]

  that's right well he's a great actor [TS]

  watch the three times but I always [TS]

  imagined Special Forces people were [TS]

  likable British oh my goodness yes I [TS]

  mean I I mean I know you're not a comic [TS]

  person but I mean it's like people in [TS]

  shield imagine it's going to be people [TS]

  who are super-smart super-fit yeah you [TS]

  know super with it I felt this way about [TS]

  Scientologists and then I watched a [TS]

  couple documentaries and they're real [TS]

  doughy but they were locked offer and [TS]

  that's the thing about these steel guys [TS]

  the more of them I see them like that [TS]

  Vice Principals well and every single [TS]

  one of them is a god damn hillbilly [TS]

  asshole like and and the more I think [TS]

  about it it's like well duh of course [TS]

  who is going to go [TS]

  who is [TS]

  to go through all that bullshit they're [TS]

  not gonna make it out of the swiss [TS]

  embassy like they're like a born [TS]

  these guys are just guys that that are [TS]

  that are attracted to the seals because [TS]

  a they are like hyper patriotic be they [TS]

  want to meet every challenge and you [TS]

  know I never never fail and see they [TS]

  want to they want to run big machines [TS]

  you know they want i like it it's [TS]

  basically the same foods that are [TS]

  building drag drag strip cars they just [TS]

  these are like people who are like I [TS]

  mean I don't have cable but it sounds [TS]

  like from what I've seen of cable this [TS]

  is like people who should have a cable [TS]

  TV show it's like heavy guys with [TS]

  mustaches and and like colorful accents [TS]

  maybe they make motorcycles or in this [TS]

  case they they invade banana republics [TS]

  you are they go yeah exactly the [TS]

  helicopter and they go they may sneak [TS]

  into people's houses and shoot them and [TS]

  why I thought that they were going to be [TS]

  like David Niven instead of like larry [TS]

  the cable guy i don't know but they're [TS]

  basically they're basically all better [TS]

  educated by any member states [TS]

  you're totally right and they sit there [TS]

  and they got like the big that to get [TS]

  the big like meat beard and then we're [TS]

  not sure that's a little too tight [TS]

  you're totally you're totally right and [TS]

  then they believe that bear on a [TS]

  Christian mission to like destroy the [TS]

  infidel isn't depressing and then so but [TS]

  for me that I want somebody like you so [TS]

  much I wanna talk to you about and why [TS]

  watched up and brothers again and let's [TS]

  say I want to be like like Easy Company [TS]

  like that i want to be guys like that [TS]

  every night from Brooklyn's together [TS]

  cams is the other guy from Brooklyn but [TS]

  you know how it is for me like it you [TS]

  know you like was it David Niven right [TS]

  mcdowell who is HUD Rowdy Roddy Piper [TS]

  for me it's a maximum sit out in three [TS]

  days of the Condor right [TS]

  I just he is he is so cool he is so [TS]

  stone cold in that movie [TS]

  he's angry eyes that always gets me is [TS]

  being in seven seal but he said lots of [TS]

  like really normal movies too [TS]

  I mean the exorcist i always forget [TS]

  about that very formal or or the the [TS]

  actor that was in the day of the jackal [TS]

  who was also enforced 10 from navarone [TS]

  and that Robert Shaw no no I robertshaw [TS]

  although he was enforcing it is anymore [TS]

  as [TS]

  more than jackal he's the enforcement [TS]

  from Navarone he's the british guy with [TS]

  the briefcase full of explosives and in [TS]

  the jackal he's the jackal and so what [TS]

  we've got here is what I refer to as the [TS]

  Larry continuum you know and you've got [TS]

  like you've got you gotta get your [TS]

  Larry's it at anyway I have so many [TS]

  things i want to ask you about I'm sorry [TS]

  I have a lot of notes right here and so [TS]

  the problem is if you're gonna open this [TS]

  bed-and-breakfast you're gonna need you [TS]

  so we're in some sort of awareness about [TS]

  what do you really want to have larry [TS]

  the cable guy staying at your house for [TS]

  that's the problem i'm gonna have to [TS]

  stock the refrigerator with jimmy dean [TS]

  sausage and I and hand it might get for [TS]

  your diet my stereo is just gonna be all [TS]

  whatever that like Garth Brooks is heavy [TS]

  metal alternative persona that's right [TS]

  yeah she didn't really like these are [TS]

  guys these are guys that are listening [TS]

  to a that are listening to like Creed on [TS]

  their work kid rock on their way while [TS]

  they're in the helicopter on their way [TS]

  to make the make the world a better [TS]

  place and I'm not sure I want him in my [TS]

  house i'm not sure that I'm gonna have [TS]

  anything in common with them see by this [TS]

  is where this is where I think you can [TS]

  work outside of the yelp model [TS]

  I mean what if you would have for [TS]

  example I mean again you don't have [TS]

  enough insider knowledge i mean you know [TS]

  like when we were kids and certainly for [TS]

  years before we were kids you know [TS]

  there's the FBI you knew they were like [TS]

  secret agents [TS]

  that's right you didn't know you go to [TS]

  Wikipedia now you can read like seven [TS]

  levels deep about the black black black [TS]

  ops and all that kind of stuff and [TS]

  obviously it's a little late for you to [TS]

  just be getting started with that [TS]

  yes but but you could have a covert bed [TS]

  and breakfast and maybe that becomes a [TS]

  word-of-mouth thing where you wouldn't [TS]

  let anybody in you maybe would make the [TS]

  think it's a normal bed and breakfast [TS]

  which none of these neighbors want to [TS]

  stay at em jumpin in your neighborhood [TS]

  what you're going to johns neighborhoods [TS]

  data at a bed-and-breakfast what if i [TS]

  start a bed-and-breakfast and I don't [TS]

  let anybody come stay here i think it's [TS]

  a terrific start [TS]

  well I'm gonna think about it you could [TS]

  you could have to do some tests & test [TS]

  flights you know [TS]

  I don't know I'm just saying you travel [TS]

  a lot it's the kind of thing where once [TS]

  it gets running maybe somebody could be [TS]

  like a TV show maybe some of the snipers [TS]

  to come and work there but I feel I feel [TS]

  like I would i want a very much want to [TS]

  be part of this world where people are [TS]

  how swapping they they trade their cool [TS]

  house for somebody's apartment in Paris [TS]

  like video games I could if I completely [TS]

  missed this entire phenomenal I know [TS]

  anyways out there but people talk about [TS]

  it like it's a normal thing is [TS]

  completely passed me over [TS]

  yeah it's happening and I think it's [TS]

  brilliant put prep precisely because [TS]

  what you do is you trade the mundane [TS]

  reality of your life with somebody [TS]

  else's mundane reality and they think [TS]

  they think where you live in San [TS]

  Francisco is amazing and you think [TS]

  whatever like outlying suburb of Paris [TS]

  they live in is amazing it's like [TS]

  swapping underwear it's all yeah I was [TS]

  actually in not something where is [TS]

  incredible it's just underwear [TS]

  yeah it's awesome the problem with it is [TS]

  that my house is situated just far [TS]

  enough outside of the ring and buy the [TS]

  ring i mean the ring of whites the rig [TS]

  the ring of anglo-saxon scared people [TS]

  that make a ring of whites it's sounds [TS]

  like some kind of community group in [TS]

  your mom's ok [TS]

  the ring of whites in downtown Seattle [TS]

  who are terrified of ever having any [TS]

  conflict that is what other people think [TS]

  is what's magical about Seattle and so [TS]

  somebody from Paris is going to come [TS]

  here and they're gonna be like what is [TS]

  this car on the giant wheels and i'm [TS]

  going to say oh that's a donk [TS]

  there there could stay i'm heading home [TS]

  not working they don't want to trade car [TS]

  they don't want to trade houses with me [TS]

  may now know donk is a real word [TS]

  okay i think that means but doesn't know [TS]

  the better donka donk the derivation of [TS]

  donk this is based on this based on the [TS]

  dirty south culture like around the sort [TS]

  of Florida Atlanta axis and the with the [TS]

  original cars that they used to put on [TS]

  those giant rims who were in Paula's and [TS]

  the little jumping impala logo on the [TS]

  back of an Impala the little little [TS]

  impala [TS]

  like elk deer whatever the thing who [TS]

  whatever the little like leaping girl is [TS]

  Elish logo the Gazelle on the back of an [TS]

  Impala the the the purveyors of these of [TS]

  these giants hopped up a custom cars [TS]

  felt like that animal looked like a [TS]

  donkey and so they started calling the [TS]

  cars donkeys and then shorten two dogs [TS]

  and now it is Benson you know it's a [TS]

  phenomenon its worldwide phenomenon of [TS]

  the car up on the tall wheels dunk but [TS]

  they're called dogs through a nice a lot [TS]

  of people pitbull there are from inside [TS]

  the the white ring my and I know the [TS]

  dogs as much special operations inside [TS]

  the way inside the White the ring of [TS]

  whites that that that you know the dogs [TS]

  are only passing through but down here [TS]

  I don't know the dogs are it there that [TS]

  they are the main form of motorized [TS]

  transport transit and somebody from [TS]

  Paris might think that that's [TS]

  fascinating but it's also like it's a [TS]

  little bit outside of like oh lets you [TS]

  know what I think you are you in her [TS]

  cell you understand the continent but [TS]

  here's the thing the last thing i want [TS]

  to do tonight is accuse you black and [TS]

  white thinking John but i think i think [TS]

  eat whether it's your diet or your pants [TS]

  I think it helps to start small but not [TS]

  too small now where they will believe [TS]

  will be uncomfortable bind but I think [TS]

  you have to start with small little [TS]

  small steps and if you're going to have [TS]

  a covert bed-and-breakfast let's start [TS]

  by just having a man maybe a [TS]

  bed-and-breakfast and it does not even [TS]

  have to be available to the public you [TS]

  should you see if you like having that [TS]

  kind of a setup [TS]

  I mean I think they're real quick if [TS]

  you're stating a bed-and-breakfast what [TS]

  my experience of bed and breakfast is [TS]

  that they have a lot of victoriano right [TS]

  like oh yeah lamps with the look like [TS]

  heavy brocade shady every cliché in a [TS]

  movie that you've ever seen about that [TS]

  breakfast is true inclusive I mean we [TS]

  spaced one once and it was I mean of all [TS]

  the things that make me uncomfortable [TS]

  about hotels at least national hotel [TS]

  chains understand the most important [TS]

  thing [TS]

  well what they understand important [TS]

  thing [TS]

  which is to make it seem like nobody's [TS]

  ever been in your room before right [TS]

  right but in these places that is not [TS]

  the primary assumption instead they want [TS]

  to look like let's look like thousands [TS]

  of people have been in your room over [TS]

  the last 200 years and everything is [TS]

  creaky everything i wove in that paper [TS]

  the walls with corduroy to cool actually [TS]

  collect dander [TS]

  oh god that from from guests you know so [TS]

  much standard you can collect in [TS]

  flocking just that a baseline level just [TS]

  a background dancer collects in a flock [TS]

  I think I have an aunt in my ear how it [TS]

  would have gotten in there but it [TS]

  I'm sorry to interrupt is that all my [TS]

  here arm 18 a minute i can click the [TS]

  hyperlinks again no no it's all right [TS]

  i'm gonna i'm gonna survive it I you [TS]

  know I have I have a little bit of that [TS]

  sympathetic and in the ear problem we're [TS]

  just I imagine it's it goes back to star [TS]

  trek wrath of khan if I'm gonna get that [TS]

  without you the way you are with [TS]

  raccoons that's kind of how I am with [TS]

  the answer i got a lot of respect for [TS]

  him if I had taken out of new like a [TS]

  gentleman but that's one solution [TS]

  yeah we stayed in one time and the the [TS]

  price was competitive with other places [TS]

  and it was mailed to the location where [TS]

  standing and when your family in a Rhode [TS]

  Island and it was really easy it seemed [TS]

  great we got there it'll be quick about [TS]

  this be going first of all if you're [TS]

  gonna get there get there after seven [TS]

  let us now because we'll have to like [TS]

  you know you flip the light on and off [TS]

  seven times and come down and we'll have [TS]

  some piece of four years ago fuck [TS]

  first of all when you check in the main [TS]

  lobby if you like meaning their living [TS]

  room is not open so you have to go in [TS]

  through the antique store entrance [TS]

  ah because of course it has an antique [TS]

  store [TS]

  I like this place really focusing on [TS]

  figurines [TS]

  I don't like this so a lady and a [TS]

  housecoat comes down at eight o'clock [TS]

  I like this place she's not in a good [TS]

  way she comes down and I'm even head [TS]

  down to like the junk junk credit card [TS]

  thing and got your check and going to [TS]

  this room it's incredibly creepy sure [TS]

  you know use massive yes everything [TS]

  slanted I mean it'sit's everything's [TS]

  like everything's like deliberately [TS]

  human like everything's way to human you [TS]

  know it's it's a control wabi sabi sabi [TS]

  quality like [TS]

  oh you know that stains vintage or [TS]

  whatever but no okay so anyway it's [TS]

  awful increases all it's not if it [TS]

  smells like people have been there and [TS]

  the the octagon and you know and you're [TS]

  supposed to come down and eat breakfast [TS]

  everybody that's not show big butt but [TS]

  we have gotten your fanciest and if you [TS]

  win you know I could practice and drop [TS]

  it off okay sure fine with whatever [TS]

  whatever [TS]

  and so my lady and I are sleeping and we [TS]

  hear this leg and and it's this woman [TS]

  there's our room with a door that goes [TS]

  after the hallway and there's another [TS]

  door that we don't like really aware of [TS]

  and there's this room between two rooms [TS]

  where she goes in and puts this really [TS]

  like not handmade in like a flake out [TS]

  like a nice way but like it really looks [TS]

  like a lady make a pretty major [TS]

  breakfast and she puts it right outside [TS]

  like where you're sleeping and you can [TS]

  hear her like in here things like in the [TS]

  anteroom it's kind of like at like and [TS]

  then almost like an alcove and then here [TS]

  she closes the other door you know so [TS]

  it's like this little kind of like DMZ [TS]

  between two runs on and it turns on a [TS]

  red light and you know that you know [TS]

  it's safe to go ahead and get your [TS]

  hard-boiled egg put on your coat your [TS]

  hose pants [TS]

  yeah you go in there and saying that [TS]

  John like like again to their credit [TS]

  hotel you get a meal and it kinda looks [TS]

  like nobody's ever touched it which is [TS]

  you know whatever probably no shadow [TS]

  machine shot out like no Punk chilly but [TS]

  but in this case seriously like a [TS]

  hard-boiled egg on a stand like really [TS]

  really creepy and everything everything [TS]

  smells like needlework it's just gross [TS]

  I've never stayed in one of those in [TS]

  America because why the hell would you [TS]

  but I've stayed in a million of them in [TS]

  Europe where we're staying in someone's [TS]

  home and and you realize all of a sudden [TS]

  that they have house rules that they [TS]

  expect you know like I got yelled at by [TS]

  an old woman one time for the way I was [TS]

  taking a shower like she came into the [TS]

  bathroom was like you can't take a [TS]

  shower like this and i choose you get me [TS]

  moving in [TS]

  you can be in German and I was like I [TS]

  don't know what you re doing wrong you [TS]

  might have no idea i was taking a shower [TS]

  and it's that that's the thing it so [TS]

  it's like you're saying right in her [TS]

  mind her imagination shower time is [TS]

  between 7 45 and HDL and i was showering [TS]

  at eight thirty six or something and she [TS]

  like what are you doing we're all the [TS]

  way into breakfast time now they luv [TS]

  reels you can't be in the shower you are [TS]

  there you are into breakfast deep into [TS]

  breakfast breakfast is important the end [TS]

  you know they serve a lot of bread there [TS]

  they do dark bread cakes are bringing [TS]

  that blood sausage my thinking also [TS]

  though is so first of all fuck [TS]

  bed-and-breakfast that's bullshit i [TS]

  think i think it's a sniper who is out [TS]

  there something it's a very high [TS]

  pressure situation you don't let's be [TS]

  honest you don't get to sleep real well [TS]

  you might be in a blind or what would [TS]

  you call it like you know you're up in [TS]

  like a book your little sniper or a [TS]

  whole week all that like I told that a [TS]

  blind I mean that yeah what a hundred [TS]

  would would make but yeah let's say so [TS]

  it's a sniper blind shot okay keep in [TS]

  your sniper blind maybe get a crick in [TS]

  your neck you know but anyway all I'm [TS]

  saying is translucent maybe they would [TS]

  want to come then I don't think you're [TS]

  going to want to come there and talk [TS]

  about guns [TS]

  I think guns and sniper nests and blinds [TS]

  and trees are probably the last thing [TS]

  they want to talk about them i want to [TS]

  talk about raccoons this is the thing [TS]

  that I this is what I'm afraid of I'm [TS]

  afraid I'm afraid that special forces [TS]

  people are not as sophisticated as I as [TS]

  I hope and that in fact they do want to [TS]

  talk about guns because it's all that [TS]

  they want to talk they want to talk [TS]

  about guns and freedom or are our who [TS]

  knows or they want to talk about sports [TS]

  now you're saying that might be all gosh [TS]

  I don't get what you're saying but all [TS]

  is said and I went down a real grilled [TS]

  wormhole here it's a fucking bachelor [TS]

  party and it's like five of these MOOCs [TS]

  and they want to watch sports [TS]

  yeah and have and have a hooker come [TS]

  over or something really want to watch [TS]

  sports maybe have a hooker come over and [TS]

  everytime there every time a car [TS]

  backfires outside they all hit the they [TS]

  all are like under the tea tray which [TS]

  they're still in Saigon and and you know [TS]

  the guys are at it like like all of a [TS]

  sudden all of a sudden you got a little [TS]

  laser pointer sites going all over the [TS]

  darkroom and and I feel like you know [TS]

  what my hope was was that there would be [TS]

  out there be a bunch of a man of [TS]

  discernment sitting around talking about [TS]

  the be African War are talking about a [TS]

  the old days in Rhodesia who and uh and [TS]

  we will be comparing like sort of like [TS]

  the Jeep geopolitical notes and and and [TS]

  killing techniques but I really are bein [TS]

  way in a very bad way no one ever says [TS]

  no one ever says [TS]

  word kill or death there's always a you [TS]

  for all good and and pinot and there's a [TS]

  there's like there's an appreciation for [TS]

  the Walther PPK it's a small gun you can [TS]

  easy to conceal over there there's a [TS]

  little tradecraft discussed but always [TS]

  again in a in a way where and nothing [TS]

  ever everything is encoded here's [TS]

  another big difference if you want to [TS]

  god forbid a rock-and-roll [TS]

  bed-and-breakfast like you wouldn't want [TS]

  to go like grab an acoustic guitar and [TS]

  joined seven people in singing the wait [TS]

  Jesus know now but you might [TS]

  Jesus know now but you might [TS]

  want to sit around and talk about people [TS]

  and gossip about people in advance that [TS]

  you don't like that will be fun right [TS]

  ok that's the best so I mean I still not [TS]

  sure you want to go stay with other [TS]

  musicians but i'm saying his tradecraft [TS]

  might come into it but it wouldn't be [TS]

  that on the nose it yeah I I figured out [TS]

  something this past week I was so [TS]

  staying I'm staying with some friends [TS]

  and one of them are one of them her [TS]

  father was a an expert on the Soviet [TS]

  Union during the Cold War II was a [TS]

  university professor he worked at the [TS]

  State Department he was an expert on the [TS]

  Soviets he we traveled to the Soviet [TS]

  Union this Kathleen's father time [TS]

  no no it's a not captain's fault her [TS]

  third and i think was a doctor kinda [TS]

  gentlemen but in any case uh I i did i [TS]

  did some I ask some probing questions [TS]

  right away of this man who's now in an [TS]

  elderly gentleman because I was like [TS]

  come on who you kidding you were in that [TS]

  you working for the State Department now [TS]

  you're working for the State Department [TS]

  of Moscow office like give me a break [TS]

  he's trying to like play it off like [TS]

  he's like a lower-level ambassador kind [TS]

  of right now is he's playing it off like [TS]

  he's an academic also was like therefore [TS]

  researching come on come on come on [TS]

  let's talk Turkey [TS]

  like what was there what's the real [TS]

  story and at it was it was didn't take [TS]

  long at all to establish that no in fact [TS]

  he was an academic he was not in [TS]

  espionage I and I and I and I believe it [TS]

  but that there were all kinds of people [TS]

  working a working in what I imagine [TS]

  we're very exciting cold war-era lines [TS]

  of inquiry working for the government or [TS]

  working in the being Soviet studies or [TS]

  whatever people that I imagined would be [TS]

  fascinating to talk to because of all [TS]

  the special you know the special get [TS]

  information that they would have the [TS]

  special knowledge i guess of of the [TS]

  world a world that was a great mystery [TS]

  to me at the time [TS]

  and in talking to him it was you know [TS]

  became clear that well and 40 years ago [TS]

  was just the same as now and most people [TS]

  just did did some something some kind of [TS]

  an interesting thing and their [TS]

  perceptions of the world were were more [TS]

  or less governed by their own prejudices [TS]

  and it's just a job it's just a job and [TS]

  the Soviet Union my retroactive [TS]

  perception of the Soviet Union as this [TS]

  gigantic like jeff koons of metal dog [TS]

  balloon [TS]

  ok [TS]

  his name is not no reception is not a [TS]

  perception shared by people who were [TS]

  actively engaged with the [TS]

  american-soviet intercourse in the [TS]

  sixties and seventies and so i I'm like [TS]

  well c'mon wasn't the Soviet Union [TS]

  really just a big jeff koons don't [TS]

  matter cause water little dog balloon [TS]

  and I am greeted with in it in [TS]

  comprehension and that's odd [TS]

  and then the then the the older a man [TS]

  sort of pedantically explained to me [TS]

  that the Soviet was a legitimate threat [TS]

  that they were a threat to democracy and [TS]

  that this that soviet communism and [TS]

  their military buildup were were real [TS]

  and dangerous and I was like come on [TS]

  but really well what's in it just wasn't [TS]

  it wasn't just a taxidermied shark in a [TS]

  in a in there in an aquarium of piss and [TS]

  he says I should really get he doesn't [TS]

  understand what I'm asking and he said [TS]

  he says no they were did they were they [TS]

  were the enemy and they were uh they had [TS]

  a bad idea ology and they were backing [TS]

  it up with with the nuclear bombs and [TS]

  I'm like yeah I am right was it just a [TS]

  giant nesting doll of buca's in in some [TS]

  kind of a art museum and at that point [TS]

  he broke down and told you the truth [TS]

  I couldn't I couldn't get out of a gene [TS]

  that guy's good he's been breakfast [TS]

  material right there that's what about [TS]

  but but but I was convinced ultimately i [TS]

  was convinced that he was he was not [TS]

  using tradecraft on me that in fact he [TS]

  had no idea what I was talking about [TS]

  wow that is so depressing and he [TS]

  genuinely considers it to this day that [TS]

  the Soviet Union was that the Cold War [TS]

  was was justified in the Soviet was [TS]

  genuinely bad they were bad guys and [TS]

  communism was a real threat to our way [TS]

  of life and all these all these things [TS]

  that I guess I can't fault him for huh [TS]

  but the these are things that you know [TS]

  that I felt I felt pretty strongly in [TS]

  1983 i guess but by you know by 1993 I i [TS]

  really felt like we were we'd look [TS]

  behind the curtain and there was the [TS]

  Wizard especial especially in east [TS]

  germany like we saw like how broken the [TS]

  whole system was so long was so broken [TS]

  and so sad and I mean that and he [TS]

  certainly appreciates that and I think [TS]

  anybody that worked in that time [TS]

  understands that was broken and sad but [TS]

  that but the idea that it was also an [TS]

  unstoppable plague that was bringing [TS]

  broken sadness to us if we didn't [TS]

  counter them [TS]

  bye-bye literally throwing f-16 at them [TS]

  or like or pay by rattling so many [TS]

  Sabres what I like my playing thousands [TS]

  of high-stakes games of battleship about [TS]

  you know maybe not even sure what those [TS]

  planes are but they're out there trust [TS]

  me that whole that whole game with the [TS]

  stuff like submarines chasing each other [TS]

  around the UH you know around the [TS]

  abysmal deep or whatever and you're just [TS]

  thinking [TS]

  did we really live like that and really [TS]

  live like that for so long and so much [TS]

  money so much money it is it's a thing [TS]

  that I it's a thing that gives me great [TS]

  sympathy for a Marxist feminism likelike [TS]

  university style nineties feminism their [TS]

  contention that the that became a real [TS]

  working tick he hear that that their [TS]

  contention that that that politics and [TS]

  though and the world of men is just a [TS]

  this just a bunch of little boys [TS]

  throwing marbles at each other and when [TS]

  you when you look at the cold war with [TS]

  it with any distance I can't escape that [TS]

  is an accurate critique and that I at [TS]

  this has been this has been overcoming [TS]

  me lately my love of like military pomp [TS]

  and circumstance and secret operations [TS]

  is for the first time really really up [TS]

  against this feeling that it is Baron [TS]

  Munchausen for x-ray or worse that [TS]

  little guy and Blade Runner with the [TS]

  Napoleon hat and the Pinocchio nose [TS]

  home again home again you get and that [TS]

  that is that all of this wonderful world [TS]

  of making war on one another is just [TS]

  this you know this pathetic child game [TS]

  and that this you know the the nuclear [TS]

  holocaust under which I and you both [TS]

  grew for group from zygote hood to [TS]

  adulthood like the threat of this was [TS]

  soap palpable and so and felt so fraud [TS]

  and even though for for two decades now [TS]

  it's been like you know thank goodness [TS]

  that's not a thing anymore [TS]

  it's amazing how fast it just went away [TS]

  and and over like basically two to three [TS]

  years that just just evaporated like [TS]

  that was at like fought like San [TS]

  Francisco fog on a hot afternoon he had [TS]

  red dawn and then like within five years [TS]

  you get you know kmf game is a dragon's [TS]

  war and were overturned on the wall with [TS]

  pepsi and stuff yeah [TS]

  five years later trading your Levi's for [TS]

  a Trabant and uh and everybody thinks [TS]

  it's hilarious [TS]

  yeah it can try to restore some of this [TS]

  or i don't i'm not saying this is I'm [TS]

  not about to try and fight the door [TS]

  opens of your mind but but I one thing I [TS]

  have to bring up you remember the last [TS]

  time we talked about Paula cost how I [TS]

  was saying it it never really song into [TS]

  me [TS]

  ordinarily small amount of time the the [TS]

  the the whole like a formal process of [TS]

  concentration camps being more than a [TS]

  place to concentrate people in a camp [TS]

  that it was really like three years I [TS]

  mean they're tearing them down [TS]

  I mean they went from like within one [TS]

  year they went from what I'm wrong but [TS]

  everything about a year they went from [TS]

  like ridiculous escalation and like [TS]

  railroads and other stuff like tearing [TS]

  down quickly because here comes to the [TS]

  Allies right now is for 43 44 [TS]

  yeah exactly well watching all these [TS]

  movies in our interregnum has shown me [TS]

  another thing I'll be quick about this [TS]

  but it's we watching huh you don't also [TS]

  watch that I gotta give you the world at [TS]

  war 2626 part documentary from 1974 [TS]

  narrated by laurence olivier haha 26 [TS]

  parts if you wanted two hours i think i [TS]

  watched it on TV for you did you get a [TS]

  logo that the big training logo great um [TS]

  here's what i got from that I'm gonna [TS]

  stand by what i always said as an [TS]

  armchair 70 years too late historian [TS]

  holy shit it every single day every [TS]

  single goddamn day if we had gotten one [TS]

  day earlier what a difference one day [TS]

  would have made at so many points [TS]

  it's amazing how much of that war went [TS]

  on and happened happened happened over [TS]

  so many years but is it's just a strange [TS]

  to me that you look at like so when was [TS]

  the the the the bombing of London was [TS]

  like 42 while you talk about the [TS]

  Blitzkrieg for ya about the 10 for 39 [TS]

  well I think that worried the bombing [TS]

  started but here's here's all I want to [TS]

  get out is like it seems to me that the [TS]

  amount of time like once the u.s. came [TS]

  in [TS]

  ah it seems like i never realized this [TS]

  so much my feeling had always been that [TS]

  like I think of in my head I always [TS]

  think of World War two the American [TS]

  interesting that being about five years [TS]

  long when really knows kindly for years [TS]

  but really three years we were not [TS]

  actually that engage that much for that [TS]

  long and it to be honest in retrospect [TS]

  in serious serious retrospect I mean [TS]

  this is very much armchair stuff the [TS]

  tide turned on three different fronts [TS]

  three different theaters like a not long [TS]

  after we got in it did not take [TS]

  it didn't take more than two years of us [TS]

  begin to like really change the time [TS]

  yeah i mean even by the time of I mean [TS]

  this horrible few episodes band of [TS]

  brothers you know around the project [TS]

  Market Day card card on my god and that [TS]

  is all the horrible stuff around the [TS]

  battle of the bulge of Battle of the [TS]

  Bulge was like a last gasp last cast a [TS]

  horrible horrible like series of of just [TS]

  awful things but that was their [TS]

  last-ditch effort you know anyway it's [TS]

  quite incredible to put from from like [TS]

  basically january of 1940 22 jun of 1944 [TS]

  think about that i mean that's it so [TS]

  that's like what do you know how long is [TS]

  that there's like two to two-and-a-half [TS]

  year someone that I have mayonnaise in [TS]

  my fridge that's older than that isn't [TS]

  that unbelievable but the reason I want [TS]

  your comment on that but the only thing [TS]

  the only reason i mention all this is we [TS]

  should talk more about Hitler but also [TS]

  because I wonder if a first of all [TS]

  there's the fact that even after we were [TS]

  trouncing finally the fucking Americans [TS]

  jumped in and provided more than like [TS]

  you know if you text planes we had you [TS]

  know we brought in this huge amount of [TS]

  sea power you know to add into the mix [TS]

  change change that the game for [TS]

  everybody but it still took it did still [TS]

  take those years and in 1944 some of the [TS]

  worst fighting in the war even though we [TS]

  those of the scales are already tip so [TS]

  what if there's that part of it confined [TS]

  within the fact that so when you think [TS]

  about the soviet-era you know [TS]

  intelligence people i wonder if there's [TS]

  this part of them that was coming out of [TS]

  that world war two culture of going haha [TS]

  it may seem like we're winning but [TS]

  believe me it was not a decisive victory [TS]

  you know until we came in from the west [TS]

  and the Russians came in from the east [TS]

  and boy a lot of bodies had to fall [TS]

  after we started quote-unquote winning [TS]

  the only mean when a part of it was that [TS]

  like either until that entire system was [TS]

  broken down until there is zero chance [TS]

  that there could be a possible strike [TS]

  you know from the Soviet Union you don't [TS]

  mean I bet that mentality stuck with [TS]

  people who were brought up in that [TS]

  period or who you know had fathers that [TS]

  died in that war [TS]

  yeah didn't make any sense yeah it [TS]

  doesn't and you know I think that's why [TS]

  we're still so fascinated by the secret [TS]

  weapons of Adolf Hitler there was there [TS]

  was [TS]

  that sense that that there was the [TS]

  doomsday device or at least the jet [TS]

  airplane that was waiting at that party [TS]

  one or whatever [TS]

  well no I mean know that I mean the [TS]

  me-262 was this was the sort of first [TS]

  operational jet and if they had you know [TS]

  the war lasted two more years or if they [TS]

  brought that jet out two years earlier [TS]

  I mean there's so many things that could [TS]

  turn the tide particularly if Hitler had [TS]

  if we hadn't had that great that great [TS]

  Special Forces operation up into Norway [TS]

  to destroy their heavy-water [TS]

  manufacturing plant and Hitler made a [TS]

  bomb atom bomb [TS]

  well what's that I don't know about that [TS]

  one was that oh this is there's there's [TS]

  there's there's some great movies about [TS]

  this rate i got my pencil but the era [TS]

  you know there was a there was a a a [TS]

  what would it be called a refinement [TS]

  sort of plant but damn there's a there's [TS]

  a damn involved and they were refining [TS]

  heavy water which is necessary in order [TS]

  to process uranium and they were [TS]

  collecting this heavy water up at this [TS]

  place in Norway and a special team of of [TS]

  wintertime like Special Forces [TS]

  paratroops were were dropped up in the [TS]

  snow lambs and cross country skied their [TS]

  way down to this this heavy water plant [TS]

  and like blew it up in the middle of the [TS]

  night effectively ending the Nazis sort [TS]

  of like uranium enrichment project and [TS]

  this is all part of the you know they [TS]

  that growing awareness that like [TS]

  whatever that letter that Einstein wrote [TS]

  to FDR where it's like this is this this [TS]

  bomb could be real we could make this [TS]

  bomb and if the Nazis aren't working on [TS]

  it then then they're crazy I mean [TS]

  they're the Nazis are definitely working [TS]

  on this we need to get this bomb first [TS]

  and here's what their here's what if [TS]

  you're looking for their bomb project [TS]

  here's what you should be looking for [TS]

  and you know they took it seriously and [TS]

  they went in and stop them or whatever [TS]

  right but you know that the the secret [TS]

  the secret weapons thing was real and it [TS]

  still it still gets people today [TS]

  yeah i mean the whole idea of anything [TS]

  about everything I street this essay on [TS]

  the security i wrote about you know just [TS]

  as concentric circles that come out from [TS]

  the word terrorist and and how we can [TS]

  excuse anything just you know starts out [TS]

  terrorism and then it just moves out and [TS]

  it really is a slippery slope [TS]

  I mean you know now that you've got all [TS]

  the same stuff what comes next to use it [TS]

  to stop child pornographers well that [TS]

  seems a good cause you know I mean it's [TS]

  a minute [TS]

  yeah and personal abuse yes he says [TS]

  people who didn't respond to John's yelp [TS]

  review fastest out what about people [TS]

  that have an updated their adobe [TS]

  software yes haha but i think i think [TS]

  really the hardest thing for me to [TS]

  remember the hardest thing for everybody [TS]

  to picture is that during the 20th [TS]

  century the idea of a fascist society [TS]

  prove it along the lines of the one that [TS]

  we jokingly refer to on Roderick on the [TS]

  line or not so jokingly refer to but the [TS]

  idea that the best way for human culture [TS]

  to run in a in an industrial mechanized [TS]

  era when we finally have the technology [TS]

  to run things according to court two [TS]

  clocks and run things as efficiently as [TS]

  possible that that the that the notion [TS]

  that democracy was an outdated mode of [TS]

  thinking and a and a more primitive way [TS]

  of of ordering human society and that [TS]

  ultimately having one strong altruistic [TS]

  person at the top of a system like a at [TS]

  the top of a efficient bureaucratic [TS]

  system was in fact [TS]

  the next evolution and that that notion [TS]

  which was which was which went in the [TS]

  direction of fascism and like state [TS]

  state communism statism um that those [TS]

  ideas were not what we look at them now [TS]

  and think of them as artifacts of the of [TS]

  like sort of a twentieth-century [TS]

  wrongheadedness but that in nineteen [TS]

  twenty it was a convincing argument that [TS]

  i think a lot of people a lot of people [TS]

  could legitimately feel sympathy toward [TS]

  like yes there should be a way that [TS]

  these bad drivers are kept off the roads [TS]

  yes there should be a way that we can [TS]

  double that we can tattoo the people we [TS]

  we would like to ostracize and those [TS]

  those ideas seemed like a new tech like [TS]

  a like an appropriately new evolution of [TS]

  Technology and we were going to [TS]

  eliminate pop I'm talking about way that [TS]

  you human race [TS]

  we're going to eliminate poverty we're [TS]

  going to eliminate ultimately eliminate [TS]

  suffering by employing technology in [TS]

  these ways and and when I look at the [TS]

  Cold War now i have to remember that [TS]

  this ideological battle that seems [TS]

  hilarious to me now that seems like that [TS]

  seems like slim pickins writing a bomb [TS]

  at the time it was so real to people [TS]

  because these ideologies that the [TS]

  Soviets were the last vestige of this [TS]

  idea that top-down bureaucratic [TS]

  state-ordered a government and culture [TS]

  were you know was was actually in [TS]

  competition with democracy [TS]

  in in reasonable people's minds [TS]

  there were there were all kinds of [TS]

  American intellectuals that felt like [TS]

  know what what what we really need is [TS]

  his five-year five-year agriculture [TS]

  plans and rhea re-education camps for [TS]

  for dummies who so that's not where they [TS]

  must know where it starts I I don't [TS]

  think I mean we've covered this ground [TS]

  covered this ground a lot that whole [TS]

  idea of like well we talked about [TS]

  universe I and instead of the [TS]

  wheelbarrows full of money and stuff [TS]

  like that but you know another way to [TS]

  look at it is if you if you go somewhere [TS]

  and gosh that gets almost perfectly ms [TS]

  or something but you go somewhere and [TS]

  you buy something that's supposed to be [TS]

  beef and it's actually like you know [TS]

  tainted ass or whatever there's no [TS]

  regulation right go to and don't don't [TS]

  touch me but you know what i mean if you [TS]

  go somewhere if you let me think about [TS]

  the idea of like something like the FDA [TS]

  is all I'm saying like having [TS]

  regulations about like what ok with food [TS]

  and the fact that like you know what if [TS]

  all the sudden somebody to somebody took [TS]

  a little bribe and decided that a bunch [TS]

  of the stuff would go passed inspection [TS]

  that couldn't and because of that in [TS]

  combination of in confidence and [TS]

  corruption a bunch of kids die like when [TS]

  that happens boy for sure i think most [TS]

  of us are going to be you know jumping [TS]

  out of our seats to say oh my god we [TS]

  need more of that big brother or [TS]

  whatever you want to call it you want [TS]

  you want that to never could be could be [TS]

  could be stuff involving kids on every [TS]

  level [TS]

  it's something that gets gets her dander [TS]

  up right for really good reasons but [TS]

  that's the thing is I don't think it i [TS]

  really don't think it starts with let's [TS]

  have the hook noses go get bricked into [TS]

  this area of town [TS]

  I think it really starts somewhere much [TS]

  more basic I think that you can stroke [TS]

  it with that but what I mean I think [TS]

  that's that basic fear of of things that [TS]

  we get a large technically no [TS]

  technological society the things we [TS]

  can't know or understand or trust is we [TS]

  have to have somebody there is standing [TS]

  between us and the bad guys and I'm not [TS]

  trying to defend it but I think that's a [TS]

  lot of where it starts [TS]

  I mean don't you could be a banking [TS]

  system it could be like you know where [TS]

  were you can just you know take money [TS]

  from people just by being a banker who [TS]

  decides to walk away with this money or [TS]

  whatever and then the public gets that [TS]

  and that's that's you know that's red [TS]

  meat so I'm i don't know i mean i-i [TS]

  guess I just feel like it's the impulses [TS]

  in almost all of us you know it's like [TS]

  the people who the hippie that gets his [TS]

  weed stolen and calls the cops you know [TS]

  everybody wants a dad when it comes time [TS]

  to get to the thing that they really [TS]

  care about sure but but in it i think [TS]

  what would changed what changed in our [TS]

  in our era in the 20th century was that [TS]

  we were finally able to account for [TS]

  every person since the census wise [TS]

  yeah and just like everybody has an ID [TS]

  and a certain point like you can you [TS]

  have the technology to ultimately line [TS]

  everybody up and give them a number and [TS]

  start you know start directing them [TS]

  according to systems which even in you [TS]

  know even in the 19th century was just a [TS]

  you know just a distant dream when they [TS]

  were still they were still putting they [TS]

  were still putting gas lamps up or [TS]

  whatever but by 19 by 1930 you could do [TS]

  a pretty reliable count of everybody and [TS]

  that kind of that kind of order [TS]

  what-what-what it allow what it allows [TS]

  the imagination to do is race ahead and [TS]

  think like okay we've got a number on [TS]

  everybody now we can also give them all [TS]

  a rating like we can we can why [TS]

  shouldn't that number also be a rating [TS]

  from 125 million according to some [TS]

  system of tests that we give or some [TS]

  some system of criteria and you start [TS]

  moving people around me one of the [TS]

  famous things that Soviet defectors one [TS]

  of the first impressions when they came [TS]

  to America [TS]

  was they would you know they would stand [TS]

  on an overpass or whatever and watch [TS]

  cars driving on the freeway and say like [TS]

  who is directing we're all these people [TS]

  go like how how are these people able to [TS]

  just drive wherever they want what keeps [TS]

  them at their jobs or what keeps what [TS]

  keeps everybody from just doing whatever [TS]

  they want and you know they're American [TS]

  Handler would kind of chuckle haha and [TS]

  say well it's America's freedom their [TS]

  own self-interest keeps them and you [TS]

  know our our Occupy Wall Street friends [TS]

  would say that the American people were [TS]

  chained by their changed by all these [TS]

  invisible hands but the Soviet defectors [TS]

  were like no in the Soviet Union you are [TS]

  not allowed to do this you are expected [TS]

  expected to present your card from when [TS]

  you leave here and when you arrive there [TS]

  and that seems that's that like you're [TS]

  saying that is a way of controlling fear [TS]

  and a natural one to try you know a [TS]

  natural one to try out like well why [TS]

  don't we get why don't we give everybody [TS]

  an appointment every day if we can [TS]

  why would we let everybody just run [TS]

  around now that we have the power to [TS]

  forbid it [TS]

  what if we made everybody do something [TS]

  whatever what it what if we had one guy [TS]

  on the top what if what if Mao is the [TS]

  one that that says everybody everybody [TS]

  make a home iron smelter either this [TS]

  story right yeah yeah yeah basically the [TS]

  oven of a Weber grill [TS]

  I nobody's eaten in weeks and then [TS]

  you're supposed to make industrial grade [TS]

  steel on a weber grill on your porch out [TS]

  jessica who was did you know his car [TS]

  would drive through the drive thru drive [TS]

  thru the farm lands in november and he [TS]

  would say why are there no apples on the [TS]

  trees and you know people would like [TS]

  people would be put in front of a firing [TS]

  squad but why are there no apples on the [TS]

  trees was november my lord but you know [TS]

  what [TS]

  what I'm saying like that we have [TS]

  learned through hard experience that you [TS]

  put one [TS]

  guy on the top of a human pilot doesn't [TS]

  turn out that way right but it doesn't [TS]

  turn out so well but but before anybody [TS]

  had tried it with modern technology it [TS]

  it probably seemed like like the problem [TS]

  of Kings had been solved the problem of [TS]

  despots could finally be solved because [TS]

  there would be up like a paper trail [TS]

  that would be accountability by virtue [TS]

  of Records and Ledger's the article [TS]

  essentially a few months ago when you [TS]

  were you were talking about you know [TS]

  everybody hates bureaucracy until they [TS]

  go to Romania and you drive into a sewer [TS]

  right right right or you're there you go [TS]

  you go to the you go to the office of [TS]

  missing missing super caps and you say [TS]

  there's a missing sewer cap and a three [TS]

  on the sticker [TS]

  ok that the guys just somebody's [TS]

  brother-in-law is like that but I said [TS]

  that article because it was a i have [TS]

  read the book but there's a great review [TS]

  of this book about the history of [TS]

  bureaucracy and how bureaucracy as we [TS]

  know it today you know is a long damn [TS]

  slide off from where its threads started [TS]

  out as which I guess is a what a French [TS]

  Revolution idea of saying well we this [TS]

  paper trail is what's going to keep [TS]

  these people honest that that was the [TS]

  whole idea of what we now call [TS]

  bureaucracy not in terms of literally [TS]

  the bureau not in terms of like having [TS]

  the pyramid like structure of a large [TS]

  organization but the idea of a paper [TS]

  trail was meant to be extremely [TS]

  Democratic it was the idea that you know [TS]

  if everybody has to sign all of these [TS]

  receipts [TS]

  nobody's gonna be able to get away with [TS]

  you get away with shit right and I am [TS]

  unalterably am I my feeling is that [TS]

  bureaucracy is incredibly Democratic but [TS]

  this is the argument that we're having [TS]

  in America now they're that the two the [TS]

  two sides of and i think its center [TS]

  that's an argument that's happening in [TS]

  every democracy around the around the [TS]

  world it's just like there are people [TS]

  who want their that are there people who [TS]

  want the government to be activists over [TS]

  here and to be a lazy fair over here and [TS]

  then their opponents feel the opposite [TS]

  way and they everybody wants an activist [TS]

  government somewhere [TS]

  and then they want the government to [TS]

  leave them alone in this other way and I [TS]

  think that that is that's what feels [TS]

  healthy about democracy to me right now [TS]

  i mean i guess if i watch the cable news [TS]

  i could put this to the test better but [TS]

  my god is that I don't know that my god [TS]

  is that there are people out there who [TS]

  the people who feel most strongly about [TS]

  the government clamping down on somebody [TS]

  are also some of the people who are the [TS]

  most striking about one in the [TS]

  government to stay the fuck out of this [TS]

  other piece of their life [TS]

  sure enough the way it seems to me like [TS]

  so not all those abortions but don't [TS]

  touch my guns boy is that ever a broad [TS]

  stereotype but that's the feeling that I [TS]

  get is that there's like why are you why [TS]

  are you messing around with my personal [TS]

  freedom stuff when you should be taking [TS]

  away personal freedoms from all these [TS]

  people over here and see and that's [TS]

  exactly right i mean libertarianism at [TS]

  its core [TS]

  I don't see how a single I don't see how [TS]

  libertarian could be opposed to gay men [TS]

  gay marriage in any way to perform [TS]

  because the government should get out of [TS]

  the business of regulating seems like a [TS]

  and almost comically easy idea of where [TS]

  the Rotarians would be four right it's [TS]

  not literally hartnett one but in fact [TS]

  you know the self-identified [TS]

  libertarians are all you know the the [TS]

  Venn diagram overlaps with the crowd [TS]

  that wants to the once the government to [TS]

  really really restrict what what people [TS]

  are able to do in their bedrooms are or [TS]

  what their box so it's a funny business [TS]

  and you know it was only it was only 50 [TS]

  years ago when most Republicans didn't [TS]

  care what you did your Jesus in your [TS]

  apartment so depressing isn't it wasn't [TS]

  Democrats that were so worried about who [TS]

  you were sleeping [TS]

  it's so depressing that the Republicans [TS]

  of like 19 [TS]

  I mean in setting aside some of the net [TS]

  jobs but by and large t know the [TS]

  republicans of the mid-twentieth century [TS]

  were her better Democrats the Liberals [TS]

  of the early 21st century [TS]

  it's true and I said well not [TS]

  everybody's just such a nut job now I [TS]

  mean what is such a good job such a [TS]

  natural [TS]

  it can tell you first of all I'm going [TS]

  to find this about World War so such not [TS]

  the only ones that have any fucking [TS]

  things seem to say I want to help you [TS]

  and I are a couple of nutjobs has not [TS]

  just the problem [TS]

  weren't we are fucking nut jobs we you [TS]

  know what we are we're ranting on the [TS]

  Internet [TS]

  holy shit John were fucking nut jobs [TS]

  couple of fucking nuts [TS]

  holy shit i think we might be at jobs [TS]

  internet nutjobs you know you know what [TS]

  has never gotten a the-the-the-the at [TS]

  least to me that's something i wish i [TS]

  had known about that I didn't know about [TS]

  my favorite episodes of that world war [TS]

  is the project overlord like the day of [TS]

  like the setup and what happens so sighs [TS]

  I got into my god i got into it after I [TS]

  watched so I got these Jags I don't know [TS]

  why I've been in the movies lately is [TS]

  probably my diet but I watched i watch [TS]

  the longest day two days in a row and [TS]

  then it's like four hours notice every [TS]

  have you read the bridge too far [TS]

  yes oh yes and it's rich in the river [TS]

  kwai I did a quick calculation based on [TS]

  DNA and if I kept my current pace of 223 [TS]

  world war two movies a day i have not [TS]

  been another month and a half left [TS]

  normal for before you had watched more [TS]

  movies than the actual length of world [TS]

  war two seconds out [TS]

  and that could be a stop but [TS]