Roderick on the Line

Ep. 69: "Campfire Spaghetti Party"

 

  hello [TS]

  I John hi marilyn is going good little [TS]

  trick or something [TS]

  Oh probably I probably shouldn't have [TS]

  quit drinking 18 years ago it's been [TS]

  that long it's been a long time it's [TS]

  been the life of a person who could [TS]

  serve in the military since i had a [TS]

  drink last huh [TS]

  enda kenny Hitler material i ever spent [TS]

  the whole last week just reading about [TS]

  Hitler and getting ready for our podcast [TS]

  nan now now and then this was going to [TS]

  be different it is going to be different [TS]

  i'm committed to it [TS]

  ok I got you something ready yeah John [TS]

  rod is online [TS]

  he's reading in the most that's amazing [TS]

  it almost made me cry just like the real [TS]

  one here today with my all-time favorite [TS]

  bridges it's insane it's insanely good [TS]

  that you know what ya gotta go there [TS]

  I don't you know I don't got through my [TS]

  divorce I don't want to mind that was [TS]

  something that was my divorce ro my [TS]

  divorce record you know it's a record [TS]

  about him being divorced from his mom [TS]

  oh and the XL yeah yeah that and that [TS]

  either or record you see this is gonna [TS]

  get down now John I want to talk about [TS]

  all right let's get away let's get away [TS]

  from elliott smith go right to the fact [TS]

  that we are both lucky guys happy [TS]

  middle-aged guys who are lucky to be [TS]

  alive [TS]

  it's like a crazy you know what I mean I [TS]

  look around I'm alive it off I you see [TS]

  all I see that absolutely before I [TS]

  cannot live i cannot die [TS]

  everything's great talent clearing you [TS]

  know what it's ever since we started [TS]

  trying to do this podcast tonight so I [TS]

  ash to fix the car cats like darkness [TS]

  imprisoning me that was fade to black I [TS]

  think that was the suicide and then [TS]

  Kirk's in the back just hammering [TS]

  hammering hammering didn't want it so [TS]

  it's one that's what that those alerts [TS]

  from one sought the i think i was [TS]

  playing well you know every Metallica [TS]

  song is essentially the same it starts [TS]

  out that's all [TS]

  what else I mean if you had to do it's [TS]

  not like nickelback crazy but you could [TS]

  it starts out with that like a single [TS]

  scenario guitar and then you get two or [TS]

  three morphine aerial guitars don't you [TS]

  think I mean especially in the early [TS]

  records [TS]

  did I ever tell you that did I retired [TS]

  the story about the time I was sitting [TS]

  around a campfire in the Czech Republic [TS]

  much older story it you know I on that [TS]

  alone I can't say there's just so many [TS]

  stories so I just anyway that's John I'm [TS]

  walking across the czech republic and [TS]

  video and i have read my run in to some [TS]

  teens that are there out so I'm out in [TS]

  the fields right walking through some [TS]

  fields and I find the error run into [TS]

  these teens and they're out there [TS]

  smoking cigarettes i guess or or it's a [TS]

  boy a girl and they're looking for a [TS]

  place to neck and they went out into the [TS]

  fields to do some necking and I run into [TS]

  them because i'm walking and so they [TS]

  start walking with me and they kind of [TS]

  adopted me I'm there like I'm the crazy [TS]

  American that they found out in the out [TS]

  in the field and they take me back to [TS]

  their village which is a small little [TS]

  village and they say hey why don't you [TS]

  hang out with us we're gonna have a [TS]

  campfire spaghetti party and then after [TS]

  that [TS]

  me maybe you can take it any party [TS]

  yeah I said no I'm sorry John don't [TS]

  interrupt is a translation error i had [TS]

  never heard of it but I had never heard [TS]

  of a campfire spaghetti party before [TS]

  that sounds like three nouns they just [TS]

  look so I was intrigued [TS]

  ok and Barry ended and the icing on the [TS]

  cake was that this kid was you know he [TS]

  said maybe you can stay at my house [TS]

  Oh after the party I was like oh very [TS]

  good i would i would like very much to [TS]

  stay at your house rather than to sleep [TS]

  in a field tonight so I said sure I'll [TS]

  go the campfire spaghetti party and so [TS]

  I'm hanging out with these kids and the [TS]

  sun is going down and and they lead me [TS]

  through the village to the other side of [TS]

  the village and sure enough there's a [TS]

  campfire a bonfire and a bunch of kids [TS]

  are there and I so we're sitting around [TS]

  and pretty soon somebody whips out a [TS]

  guitar and and Czechoslovakia they have [TS]

  that guy said yeah and pretty soon [TS]

  somebody shows up with a pot of [TS]

  spaghetti that that they didn't it's not [TS]

  like they cooked at the campfire [TS]

  somebody showed up with a pot of [TS]

  spaghetti [TS]

  everybody gets a bowl and then to my [TS]

  horror to my everlasting horror [TS]

  something I had no i didn't realize [TS]

  about eastern europe until that moment [TS]

  which is that they had everybody bowl of [TS]

  spaghetti and then then the bottle of [TS]

  ketchup goes around haha oh so it's just [TS]

  it's noodles in a bowl [TS]

  it's spaghetti in a bowl and then ending [TS]

  the sauce that they expect you to put on [TS]

  it is is just catch up but they must [TS]

  have seen it in the movies and this is a [TS]

  popular dish in the Illuminations pasta [TS]

  red that's right put some red sauce on [TS]

  it and what do we have we have we have [TS]

  catsup [TS]

  so anyway so we're eating this [TS]

  disgusting in a spaghetti and ketchup [TS]

  and the guitars going around and and [TS]

  these kids who found me on the field you [TS]

  know they tell their friends she's a [TS]

  musician because I made the mistake of [TS]

  telling them I was a musician [TS]

  this is 1999 [TS]

  yes 19 and so everybody's in a hurry to [TS]

  get this guitar to me like I'll get it [TS]

  you know playing song playing song [TS]

  playing song and I'm to mirroring and [TS]

  saying I don't know any songs all the [TS]

  only songs i know our songs I wrote and [TS]

  you don't want to hear any of those and [TS]

  they're like no no plays the song played [TS]

  you know american singer guy plays the [TS]

  song and I know better than to do it [TS]

  I know it's the wrong move but I'm [TS]

  really on the spot and so I kind of you [TS]

  know acquiesce they hand me the guitar [TS]

  i'm like i'm shy and I'm like all right [TS]

  I'll play one of my songs they're like [TS]

  yeah everybody gathers around there's 25 [TS]

  kids around this bonfire at this point [TS]

  and i played me me know which is the [TS]

  only thing i can think of to play the [TS]

  only song i can think of at that moment [TS]

  is Mimi a song of my own composition and [TS]

  a beautiful layered nuanced non campfire [TS]

  school that's very that's generous of [TS]

  you yes but it's a beautiful song that [TS]

  it'sit's it is truly not a campfire song [TS]

  to play for a bunch of check teenagers [TS]

  making halloween and high and you know [TS]

  i'm playing and i'm getting the vibe [TS]

  from around the campfire i'm getting the [TS]

  non-acceptance five and so I'm play you [TS]

  know I started closing my eyes and the [TS]

  sweat is beating up on my forehead like [TS]

  I'm really blowing it here with these [TS]

  kids [TS]

  this is my big moment to audition my my [TS]

  music for these teens and I get to the [TS]

  end of me and there's like nothing just [TS]

  like like a just like kind of polite [TS]

  applause and some grimaces and the [TS]

  teenagers who were so proud of me a [TS]

  moment before i was there big catch and [TS]

  their American guy now they're just [TS]

  embarrassed by me and the guy sitting [TS]

  next to me almost grabs the guitar out [TS]

  of my hand [TS]

  Angela launches into Metallica what's [TS]

  the stupid song from The Black Album [TS]

  from the from the with the big hippo [TS]

  enter sandman i'll come on and and it [TS]

  might do to get they were gonna do and [TS]

  and all of a sudden the whole vibe [TS]

  changes and it's like it's like James [TS]

  Hetfield is there they are so excited [TS]

  all these kids are so thrilled that this [TS]

  guy can play enter sandman and I just [TS]

  like I'm invisible to them i have become [TS]

  now it's creepy that I'm there I'm 10 [TS]

  years older than the whole this person [TS]

  at the campfire and now I'm like some [TS]

  cool people called blanket haha and i [TS]

  sit there just kind of stewing in my own [TS]

  flop sweat and shame slip from catch [TS]

  from i see that you know like trying to [TS]

  eat as much ketchup and pastas I can't [TS]

  because i've only been i've been living [TS]

  on leaves and snails for the two weeks [TS]

  prior and then at the end of the [TS]

  campfire night and you know it also i [TS]

  don't drink which is which is incredibly [TS]

  suspect in any campfire situation like [TS]

  the old creep in the molester glasses [TS]

  who doesn't drink and he's waiting for [TS]

  everybody else to get drunk so you can [TS]

  flip in the air and and and and we gave [TS]

  him a guitar he played this song with it [TS]

  and his tears were mixing with his sweat [TS]

  at like everything about it was wrong [TS]

  and then at the end of the night [TS]

  it starts to rain the campfire party [TS]

  splits up and the kid who you know the [TS]

  kid who was like maybe you can stay at [TS]

  my house he's like you know [TS]

  okay come with me and he's really [TS]

  reluctant because I'm an embarrassment [TS]

  to him now we go over to his house he [TS]

  says wait wait here he goes inside he [TS]

  comes out 30 seconds later he's like oh [TS]

  yeah my mom says no oh no after all of [TS]

  that and now it's the middle of the [TS]

  night and it's pouring rain display this [TS]

  should have stood under I should have [TS]

  stood under window and on me [TS]

  so so the kid watching across the street [TS]

  to like a grain warehouse that his [TS]

  grandfather owns apparently people dying [TS]

  this all the time the kid can't open the [TS]

  door so he says well you can sleep here [TS]

  on the covered loading dock and so i [TS]

  unroll my sleeping bag on this concrete [TS]

  loading dock under a like arclight like [TS]

  under a loading dock light and I lay [TS]

  there in the rain on this cement loading [TS]

  dock and i think i am at my bottom [TS]

  he said you guys got shown up by a check [TS]

  boy playing enter sandman i said i have [TS]

  found it i found my bottom here it is [TS]

  and you're not even that thing is and [TS]

  you weren't even you know drinking at [TS]

  the time [TS]

  yeah and the thing is he may I wasn't [TS]

  even close to my bottom Earl and I had [TS]

  no idea what was the weather other [TS]

  campfires I just on the trip you just [TS]

  always down in neulohe there's a person [TS]

  duplo just literally slept on the beach [TS]

  in Noorvik it was after that [TS]

  oh how was that was the bottom I that [TS]

  was that was my prior bottom now this [TS]

  was a new low but the following morning [TS]

  I woke up and it wasn't even that I woke [TS]

  up because I didn't sleep I just lay [TS]

  there on this concrete pad kind of like [TS]

  tossing and turning until the first [TS]

  first light of day and I got up and I [TS]

  started walking [TS]

  it's just like let me get out of this [TS]

  same hole and it was and the sun was out [TS]

  it was a beautiful day the rain had [TS]

  stopped and the roads there are those [TS]

  little country roads you know the roads [TS]

  had all that steam coming off of them [TS]

  that the the rain was just just done in [TS]

  the Sun was coming up get that like [TS]

  softer snow it was it was it was a dub [TS]

  absolutely beautiful morning and then I [TS]

  i come on to this this road it's like 11 [TS]

  lane blacktop Road and the road is [TS]

  completely covered with tiny frogs what [TS]

  like like covered like a blanket so that [TS]

  I cannot walk along the road without [TS]

  stepping on frogs and the frogs are all [TS]

  tiny they're like the size of a of a [TS]

  silver dollar and so I couldn't walk I [TS]

  couldn't kill these frogs I had to just [TS]

  stand there in the road and watch this [TS]

  migration it's like tide of emerald [TS]

  green silver dollar frogs that it was [TS]

  like an hour of an hour of my life [TS]

  watching this you can be thinking that [TS]

  whole time right yeah you said about [TS]

  frogs you think about to get you [TS]

  thinking about your bottom i'm running [TS]

  the whole I'm running it all you know [TS]

  and and while i'm sitting there like a [TS]

  car drives by and kills 10,000 for you [TS]

  bastard [TS]

  oh yeah just that it's just a [TS]

  day-in-the-life just happened to you I [TS]

  mean not the frogs but I mean you know [TS]

  that happens to be a surprising amount [TS]

  of time the frogs frogs now typing here [TS]

  in Seattle everyone's well I look out my [TS]

  window and press it's your job as its [TS]

  nails and i will talk about the ants but [TS]

  you know the snails a couple nights ago [TS]

  you know it really is any amount of [TS]

  moisture but especially rain it's just [TS]

  the whole ground just covered with [TS]

  snails in there they're all fucked [TS]

  they don't have a chance in san [TS]

  francisco i got a high school kid set on [TS]

  fire yet the day but yeah my daughter [TS]

  plant the playground and him is him is a [TS]

  drug user [TS]

  we're hanging out at the five-year-old [TS]

  playground and i'm pretty sure i see [TS]

  what they're doing [TS]

  my daughter is now running over to the [TS]

  next playground and I walk over and I [TS]

  say what you doing there and you know it [TS]

  was like no he's leaving the house as [TS]

  nails look so you're a put a lighter to [TS]

  it huh [TS]

  as you have said might be time to look [TS]

  for a girlfriend haha a which is a great [TS]

  go-to for when you're talking to young [TS]

  men it really pretty much always works [TS]

  I got a letter did I tell you this i got [TS]

  a letter from a kid I got a letter from [TS]

  kid who said i was so I was following [TS]

  you on twitter and you said something on [TS]

  Twitter about all men being terrible [TS]

  where he said something that men are [TS]

  worse than women [TS]

  apparently i tweeted in response to [TS]

  somebody who was saying that men are bad [TS]

  i think it's a pretty safe statement and [TS]

  I said matter but men are worse than [TS]

  women and so this kid sends me an email [TS]

  and he says I'm a he didn't say what how [TS]

  old he was but i inferred from the [TS]

  letter that he was that he was a young [TS]

  person in college and he said I am a [TS]

  young i'm a young straight guy and all [TS]

  my all my friends are lesbians and they [TS]

  are always telling me how bad men are [TS]

  and i want to stand up for men and be a [TS]

  good example of a good time a good [TS]

  straight guy but sometimes i wonder if [TS]

  it's even possible [TS]

  can you advise and i said i wrote back [TS]

  and said I advise you stop hanging out [TS]

  with lesbians and get a girlfriend [TS]

  no question yeah because the best way to [TS]

  get here than anybody John the best way [TS]

  to demonstrate that straight guys are [TS]

  good is to be a good is to be a good [TS]

  straight guy to one person [TS]

  don't don't try and the country and [TS]

  converts it good [TS]

  straight straight guy to one person just [TS]

  be a good straight man let's begin with [TS]

  me [TS]

  that's right that's right start start [TS]

  being nice to one gal that you like [TS]

  don't try and don't try to impress all [TS]

  the lesbians at your height at your [TS]

  school about how great you are [TS]

  go find one girl and be nice to her and [TS]

  he never wrote me back [TS]

  I think he's probably stewing over my [TS]

  advice like I would love to reach out to [TS]

  that guy and really just getting a snack [TS]

  because i'm just guessing a lot of those [TS]

  ladies had to sit around listening to [TS]

  talk about why girls don't like him you [TS]

  know i I've been that guy and I've been [TS]

  looking to to protect everybody's rights [TS]

  and it was not good for anybody [TS]

  I remember a time when all my friends [TS]

  all my all my closest friends were [TS]

  lesbians and i was there i was there [TS]

  straight boy mascot we have a name for [TS]

  that we can't use anymore [TS]

  Oh [TS]

  didn't give a name for that well i guess [TS]

  i guess i guess this bag die [TS]

  yeah I guess that would be a life again [TS]

  maybe the less press bag let's Prezi ok [TS]

  please address all correspondence to [TS]

  John Roderick friends [TS]

  yeah that's that's what I was a little [TS]

  guys let's play volleyball and I don't [TS]

  know what the heck I was you know what I [TS]

  what it was I was sitting her i was i [TS]

  was hoping that that was hoping I was [TS]

  going to I don't remember what it may be [TS]

  maybe I was thinking that some of them [TS]

  were gonna we're gonna get over being [TS]

  lesbians but i don't think that was it i [TS]

  think it was that I gotta hide [TS]

  i well it's I think it's this it's the [TS]

  same thing with the bags you think that [TS]

  you it's that you get to interact with [TS]

  somebody who is the opposite sex where [TS]

  the issue of sex is not present so [TS]

  you're here before I i think it is [TS]

  totally it makes a hundred percent it [TS]

  makes a hundred percent sense if you [TS]

  like to dance [TS]

  it seems to me that in either the [TS]

  situation's fag hag or less press it [TS]

  makes a lot of sense if he just going to [TS]

  go out and dance [TS]

  I don't like to dance SE and that we [TS]

  undergo i don't i don't want to keep [TS]

  using that term that we were using [TS]

  because it's normative but i but i think [TS]

  those bros those news pretty good and [TS]

  it's solid I think we can still we can [TS]

  use it and then it because the the [TS]

  people that will be offended by it are [TS]

  are going to gonna take it's cool it's [TS]

  gonna take some time for them to get [TS]

  caught up with how smart and funny it is [TS]

  i think that they can be offended by but [TS]

  by then we'll be let's just stay away [TS]

  from PETA um but you know I actually you [TS]

  are on a couple things first of all I [TS]

  think we've talked about in the past is [TS]

  are both of our if I perceive this [TS]

  correctly for you as well as me or [TS]

  ineffectiveness at first starting out [TS]

  being kind of like envious or angry [TS]

  about our friends who who were sexually [TS]

  potent right remember talking about you [TS]

  know the the our friends who are going [TS]

  out and you know finger banging and [TS]

  stuff and how we felt kind of betrayed [TS]

  by a drone [TS]

  Adam still from ya know i was i was [TS]

  heavy real heavy and and but i think [TS]

  that apartment [TS]

  this is other thing that is not i think [TS]

  it exists without respect any given [TS]

  gender and sexual orientation mix-up [TS]

  which is that everybody's always kind of [TS]

  in the back of their minds thinking [TS]

  they're going to be able to flip the [TS]

  client at some point and i think it's i [TS]

  think it's it's true you you see it on [TS]

  all conceivable sides you know it could [TS]

  be that's you know what even could be [TS]

  somebody who's married like look at all [TS]

  the especially I guess see mostly women [TS]

  but men to her like oh they're going to [TS]

  voice to divorce their spouse and we'll [TS]

  finally be able to go you know [TS]

  yeah we'll be together live live on the [TS]

  Isle of Man together or whatever and [TS]

  what I mean I also i think there is the [TS]

  Isle of Man is that a fantasy for people [TS]

  i don't know III really pulled it out as [TS]

  quick as I could [TS]

  yeah i would google it except my [TS]

  keyboard is still broken John I ordered [TS]

  the thing that you said how i ordered it [TS]

  from my phone use your telephone [TS]

  you can shop from your phone now you [TS]

  have done that done that a lot anyway [TS]

  it's probably rathole to get into but [TS]

  you know it's really not so far away [TS]

  from guitar guy you know I'm you sit [TS]

  around and and you have a really mixed [TS]

  up idea about where you should be [TS]

  focusing your attention and then what [TS]

  you should do once you've gotten that [TS]

  attention [TS]

  yeah it really it really is an [TS]

  affliction and it's there [TS]

  there are a lot of things that make me [TS]

  cringe about every aspect of my life but [TS]

  if I'm really I go back and I and I [TS]

  allow myself just for the blink of an [TS]

  eye to think about those kinds of times [TS]

  there's the ones that really really make [TS]

  me cringe [TS]

  you are the times when I got really [TS]

  really wrong for the times when I was [TS]

  guitar guy or the times when I thought I [TS]

  was you know as speaking the truth to [TS]

  power [TS]

  you know because I I couldn't fingerbang [TS]

  well i was thinking about this the other [TS]

  day there was a there was a hell of a [TS]

  pretty long period in my life where I [TS]

  when I was in the company of a girl that [TS]

  I liked and she liked me and it was [TS]

  clear that we liked one another and we [TS]

  were going someplace down the street [TS]

  we're walking somewhere I would put my [TS]

  arm around her [TS]

  and she would put her arm around me and [TS]

  we would we would attempt to make our [TS]

  way down the sidewalk in that [TS]

  three-legged race cadence of a tall guy [TS]

  with his arm around his girlfriend and [TS]

  her with hit her arm around him and [TS]

  there is absolutely no tempo or pace [TS]

  that we can walk comfortably in that [TS]

  configuration like her hip [TS]

  she's going up and I'm going down her [TS]

  hip is bumping into me like those people [TS]

  that are able to walk down the street [TS]

  with their hands or with their arms [TS]

  around one another even likelike for the [TS]

  freewheelin bob dylan likely yeah yeah [TS]

  girl walking down the street and acting [TS]

  like that's something you could do for [TS]

  more than half a block [TS]

  yeah I've got my hand on her hip she's [TS]

  got her arm around my waist and we are [TS]

  crashing into each other like two [TS]

  battleships tied up to the same dock in [TS]

  a storm like there is no they were but [TS]

  there's no there's no case like the the [TS]

  sidewalk is just this stormy sea and yet [TS]

  we feel because we are young and in love [TS]

  that we should be walking this way we [TS]

  should be embracing as we walk down the [TS]

  street and I realized the other day it's [TS]

  been 15 years since i made the mistake [TS]

  of thinking you could walk down the [TS]

  street side by side with your arm around [TS]

  somebody like it's not a problem anymore [TS]

  because it's simply something I don't do [TS]

  but for the first ten years that I was [TS]

  romantically involved with girls i was [TS]

  always in this posture of like oh here [TS]

  we are again like 22 [TS]

  pool balls in a Crown Royal bag and [TS]

  there's that you know and it was my [TS]

  grandfather there's no way there's no [TS]

  way to make this work when you see [TS]

  somebody tried to walk two different [TS]

  sized dogs like you get like what like [TS]

  an akita and a shih tzu and it's [TS]

  impossible to walk two dogs of different [TS]

  sizes and it sounds like what you're [TS]

  describing even in the best of [TS]

  circumstances are the same size the same [TS]

  gate it's going to be hard but but [TS]

  you're the the the akita and the Afghan [TS]

  the boys away in that situation the [TS]

  thing to do in a situation like that is [TS]

  to put us [TS]

  battle on the akid akita but the shih [TS]

  tzu in the saddle and then then then you [TS]

  are everybody's fucking hero [TS]

  I think a lot about riding dogs yeah and [TS]

  dogs fighting other guys with my [TS]

  daughter and I were talking about this [TS]

  house finally beat dogs to write other [TS]

  dogs I think I think dogs can those [TS]

  those fucking dogs live in people's [TS]

  purses [TS]

  yeah they probably have a chance to [TS]

  write another dog yeah just that just [TS]

  that immediate contact the problem is [TS]

  that a dog big enough for me to ride [TS]

  would be the size of a brown bear and [TS]

  then it would basically a dog the size [TS]

  of a brown bear is a brown pic he looks [TS]

  like a Molly Hatchet up from haha yeah [TS]

  I'd have a battle-axe yes and a helmet [TS]

  with to warn you know you need out you [TS]

  need a big brown for set of their I'd be [TS]

  driving riding a bear for my god why why [TS]

  can't I do that you should if I may say [TS]

  consider trading in one of the hoop DS [TS]

  and make a down payment on their i I've [TS]

  I what kind of mileage to get out of [TS]

  there i mean like i didn't know a lot of [TS]

  bears [TS]

  I've seen a lot of bears I've known a [TS]

  lot of bears look I've never seen a man [TS]

  right a bit coming to that come to the [TS]

  castro if a man had ever ridden a bear i [TS]

  think i've seen the picture of it [TS]

  actually bears playing like footsie with [TS]

  husky dogs yeah I've seen a bear dance [TS]

  to a violin never seen a man right there [TS]

  buddy [TS]

  yeah I there's a child enjoyed the show [TS]

  general been his gentle Ben was a big [TS]

  bear i think he was in train TV bear [TS]

  teddy bear but I mean the thing is you [TS]

  you can stay I mean you can stare down [TS]

  an animal with with dignity and respect [TS]

  and and you know it seems like in the [TS]

  fullness of time you could not only get [TS]

  it on your side but it could get you on [TS]

  its side you there would be a [TS]

  relationship there were three you could [TS]

  just literally as you i think you could [TS]

  go probably bareback on the bear [TS]

  mm and then and just will write up to [TS]

  Josh's office on a bear you know if I [TS]

  goodbye treat you so differently if you [TS]

  had a bathrobe and a scimitars and you [TS]

  were right it literally writing a bear [TS]

  listen if I was right if I could write a [TS]

  bear [TS]

  the last place i would go is my indie [TS]

  rock record label [TS]

  where would you start I would not i [TS]

  would i would be so far away from indie [TS]

  rock i would be the guy who could ride [TS]

  bears i think i would be a fucking [TS]

  parade everywhere I went I would go [TS]

  immediately to downtown Seattle the [TS]

  library and they would you know they'd [TS]

  be closing u-joints that like you don't [TS]

  like that library you should march you [TS]

  and your bare and we gotta get a name [TS]

  for the bear you and your bear should [TS]

  just march right into that library [TS]

  here's the problem with that library [TS]

  yeah it the the traffic flow is so [TS]

  constricted there's no place you could [TS]

  ride a bear into that my prayers and [TS]

  maneuverable you would ride this bear [TS]

  right into an escalator alcove [TS]

  apparently sarah you ever seen the way [TS]

  they wiggle around I saw a picture the [TS]

  other day of a ferret that someone had [TS]

  given some kind of steroids 20 the [TS]

  keyboard the well i'm looking at some of [TS]

  the stuff on my phone I have to get a [TS]

  nicer internet on my phone [TS]

  ok and so so the the picture was fairly [TS]

  small maybe I didn't get this right was [TS]

  it miss taste but this ferret looked [TS]

  know it had grown really long hair and [TS]

  it looked like a toy poodle o house of [TS]

  it was a fair with like with a big white [TS]

  afro and now picture that the size of a [TS]

  bear yeah and now you found you don't [TS]

  talk about that my friend John you can [TS]

  i'm going to cover the cover of heavy [TS]

  metal magazine in 1982 what about it I [TS]

  got it restart the franchise if it's a [TS]

  listen I know I don't have a lot of [TS]

  dough right now but apparently there is [TS]

  a man and since it [TS]

  Seattle who literally rides a fucking [TS]

  bear 50,000 watts of power or do [TS]

  whatever way ticket to bear rides you [TS]

  know and i have to say that you know it [TS]

  seems to me that once you become for [TS]

  example once you become a horse person [TS]

  and let's be careful here once you [TS]

  become someone who's hoarsely horsey [TS]

  horse you get a horse and then it's it's [TS]

  kinda like comics or models or rubber [TS]

  girls you want to get more and soon you [TS]

  have a stable of horses [TS]

  I got to tell you got a big barn could [TS]

  probably use a little bit of work right [TS]

  you're not using for that mean you like [TS]

  specific things right now you're not a [TS]

  meat or anything no it's best to store [TS]

  and right now but still investments but [TS]

  you could scoop that aside i am but I'm [TS]

  a whore i am a horse person of Vespas [TS]

  okay no okay but you could also i mean [TS]

  like you've got that set in the family [TS]

  that takes care of alcoholic horses [TS]

  couldn't you couldn't conceivably with [TS]

  your vast rock-and-roll money couldn't [TS]

  you have like a stable of bears your [TS]

  whole family could ride around on my [TS]

  neighbors have Merlin have you ever seen [TS]

  a bear a bear is bigger and tougher than [TS]

  people think parents there is big [TS]

  yeah it's very big even a small bear's [TS]

  big and they're also there i mean i'm [TS]

  not going to say that they are fully [TS]

  clever [TS]

  oh I think they pick up there like [TS]

  raccoons there they are like the [TS]

  raccoons and they pick stuff up real [TS]

  fast you know raccoons kind of like a [TS]

  little bear a raccoon is a little Nazi [TS]

  bear that's right isn't that what [TS]

  they're called little look [TS]

  yes yeah they call them right back to [TS]

  Hitler right regular right boys if it's [TS]

  not even a half an hour and we're back [TS]

  to him [TS]

  2052 raccoon schiessen they call them in [TS]

  disguise [TS]

  no no bears bears the thing is a bear [TS]

  you think about a bear most people who [TS]

  think about bears they don't think about [TS]

  barefoot when if you do you mentally [TS]

  picture a bear you you picture this kind [TS]

  of you know large elegant like fairly [TS]

  like sleek animal with giant claws but [TS]

  the thing is the real blobby they're [TS]

  real like they're almost like a big [TS]

  whale they got a horse like kind of like [TS]

  tapered neck and they're super fucking [TS]

  scary if you ever see a bear out and [TS]

  around even doing nothing they're [TS]

  terrifying are you describing a bear [TS]

  that from just having read about them in [TS]

  books from yes yes yes Louis thing I've [TS]

  been translated from a different [TS]

  language [TS]

  yeah it's it represents Isaiah did I [TS]

  tell you that I were talking about the [TS]

  time the so so that's soon yeah it's I [TS]

  don't want to go down [TS]

  I don't want to go down the rabbit hole [TS]

  of all the times that i have been [TS]

  literally tracked by a bear [TS]

  I got nowhere to be but gimme gimme a [TS]

  good one but one time so i have a 5 a [TS]

  very good friend i've mentioned him on [TS]

  the podcast before never by name [TS]

  he he is a he is probably 12 years of is [TS]

  a close friend and also he still lives [TS]

  in Alaska is by far my closest friend [TS]

  who still lives in Alaska and he has a [TS]

  cabin that his father built on a small [TS]

  lake in the shadow of Mount McKinley or [TS]

  Denali the great one largest mountain in [TS]

  them in the in the North America and [TS]

  it's a little little tiny cabin up on [TS]

  this lake and they they named the lake [TS]

  after themselves [TS]

  his father at the family because if you [TS]

  have if you have a lake [TS]

  what are you going to call it going to [TS]

  call it small lake you're gonna call it [TS]

  dark lake now you're going to call it [TS]

  you're going to name the lake after [TS]

  yourself and that's what they did but if [TS]

  the lake is too small and too well it's [TS]

  not too small to land a floatplane on [TS]

  but it is too small to take that float [TS]

  plane back off right you could set the [TS]

  plane down like a floodplain lobster [TS]

  trap exactly if you landed a floatplane [TS]

  office like it would be that float plane [TS]

  would would live there forever so this [TS]

  sucks because it was a little bigger it [TS]

  would be it would be pretty amazing to [TS]

  be able to get into this place so much [TS]

  easier [TS]

  exactly that is just take it out easier [TS]

  is if this lake was one acre bigger and [TS]

  you could take the plane off then this [TS]

  this cabin would be immediate be it [TS]

  would be the hilton of Alaska cabins but [TS]

  as it is the only way to get to this [TS]

  cabin there are two ways to get to one [TS]

  you can float down the shit no River to [TS]

  the chill in the river to the place [TS]

  where the children of forks into the [TS]

  Talkeetna and then pull your rubber raft [TS]

  off and hike in five miles through the [TS]

  doubles clubs [TS]

  or you can in the wintertime you can [TS]

  land your ski plane on the swamp that is [TS]

  two miles through the forest to the [TS]

  little lake so you'll and the ski plane [TS]

  on the swamp but the problem it was that [TS]

  the problem with that is the swamp never [TS]

  completely freezes because it's always [TS]

  kind of like methane me you know like [TS]

  Earth farts database that key exactly [TS]

  that keeps the ice from members being [TS]

  solid so you can land this keep playing [TS]

  on this one but you have to kind of keep [TS]

  the ski plane moving a little bit [TS]

  because if you turn it on if you stop [TS]

  the motor and you turn the plane off the [TS]

  seaplane under the ski plane was just [TS]

  kind of sink into the slush and that is [TS]

  a ski plane like an Indiana Jones thing [TS]

  like it'sit's got pontoon is that what [TS]

  that is don't have skis out you take the [TS]

  pontoons off and you put skis on that [TS]

  just do that [TS]

  yeah when you landed on the snow but if [TS]

  you landed on the deep snow or [TS]

  particularly if you landed on deep snow [TS]

  in a man swamp that isn't that where the [TS]

  ice doesn't freeze you can get in [TS]

  trouble you get the skis can sink into [TS]

  the snow just thinking like that with I [TS]

  mean I know very little about you know [TS]

  aeronautics but it seems like a ski [TS]

  plane would be especially hard to take [TS]

  off with because you are really relying [TS]

  just on the propeller to get you moving [TS]

  yeah but once you're up it's like it's [TS]

  like a water if you like is that would [TS]

  be one thing but if you're on anywhere [TS]

  where you know any kind of incline it [TS]

  seems to be pretty tough to take off [TS]

  it's tough it's tough if you let this if [TS]

  you let the plane sink but if the [TS]

  plaintiff you keep the plane moving it [TS]

  stays up on top of the snow and then [TS]

  you're just few just bobbing leaders [TS]

  floating along this little cushion of [TS]

  snow it's quite it's it's very easy to [TS]

  take off but you have to kind of keep [TS]

  the plane moving so when we when we fly [TS]

  up to this cabin in the winter the [TS]

  pipette also the plane only seats two [TS]

  people the pilot and the passenger so to [TS]

  go up there with a small group of people [TS]

  you have to go up in multiple trips [TS]

  so what happens is the plane lands on [TS]

  sucking plastic over it lands on the [TS]

  snow but the pilot has to kind of keep [TS]

  the plane moving slowly moving along the [TS]

  swamp and you throw open the door and [TS]

  start throwing your bags out into the [TS]

  snow and then you throw your snowshoes [TS]

  out and then you jump out of the plane [TS]

  and the plane just kind of keeps moving [TS]

  and so you jump out onto your snowshoes [TS]

  and you go by and he goes by and then he [TS]

  hits the gas and he flies away and then [TS]

  you're alone on the swamp and you wait [TS]

  there until you sit and every aspect of [TS]

  this sounds good John Carpenter movie [TS]

  will be there for 45 minutes until [TS]

  curtain Russell comes and then there's a [TS]

  then there's a dog that has been [TS]

  infected with some kind of alien guy [TS]

  William Shatner mask superbug but anyway [TS]

  so when you leave the cabin 10 days to [TS]

  weeks later you have to leave via the [TS]

  same method so yeah it's kind of its [TS]

  kind of emotion [TS]

  well serviced the first of all one at a [TS]

  time and second of all yeah you kind of [TS]

  the plane like lands and keeps the motor [TS]

  running [TS]

  that was a cable car you got to just [TS]

  kind of jump on yeah it's just kinda [TS]

  it's just puttering along is moving fast [TS]

  but just like puttering along and you [TS]

  just throw your stuff in you get up on [TS]

  the ski and then you climb in the plane [TS]

  and then off you go [TS]

  and so when you leave but of course [TS]

  there's no I mean back then we didn't [TS]

  have cellphones and even even if you did [TS]

  i'm not even sure there would be [TS]

  cellphone service there i got really [TS]

  doubt it but at the time we had a pre [TS]

  appointed time when the plane would come [TS]

  get us [TS]

  like noon on Sunday [TS]

  he's just gonna fly fly out there and [TS]

  and we should be waiting and one time I [TS]

  was a wee while we're at the cabin [TS]

  we've seen a bear kind of over on the [TS]

  you know the forest edge and and my [TS]

  friends dad had multiple kind of [TS]

  encounters with bears at that at the [TS]

  cabin and his feeling about them was [TS]

  that a bear couldn't tell the difference [TS]

  between a window and a door and [TS]

  all the bear would just kind of Hammer [TS]

  on the outside of the cabin and you [TS]

  would sit inside just kind of hoping [TS]

  that the bear didn't figure out the [TS]

  window was less solid you know the bear [TS]

  would just kind of pound on the door and [TS]

  then you have the door barred by one [TS]

  point my friend's dad went out he had a [TS]

  sawed-off shotgun he went out and shot [TS]

  the gun in the air to scare the bear and [TS]

  the gun exploded in his hand and then [TS]

  his hand was all shredded and yeah he [TS]

  had to get the money to get me any of it [TS]

  wait two days and just fucking moving [TS]

  plane know that he had so he got the [TS]

  shortwave radio out from under the cabin [TS]

  and fired up the gas generator to power [TS]

  your shoulder a little scatman crothers [TS]

  yeah yeah exactly [TS]

  come in come in Mayday Mayday but anyway [TS]

  so one time I i drew the short straw i [TS]

  was first one out on the day that we [TS]

  were leaving and I went on my snowshoes [TS]

  with my bag and I snow chute out across [TS]

  the the little frozen lake in front of [TS]

  the cabin using the two miles now how [TS]

  far [TS]

  yeah yeah couple of miles so you go [TS]

  across the miles in the snow [TS]

  yeah we would snowshoe a lot longer than [TS]

  that but but but it's a try it's a truck [TS]

  carrying a bag to carry bag is it soon [TS]

  as it is it's you anywhere near the big [TS]

  finale thing but it is the air in there [TS]

  no that's where down we're not up in the [TS]

  run-up hi cap but it's you know it's [TS]

  it's cold it's 30 below zero or [TS]

  something and so so you know she across [TS]

  the lake and then you snowshoe through [TS]

  the forest and there you have the miler [TS]

  or or a mile-and-a-half through the [TS]

  forest and then you come out the other [TS]

  side of the forest and you're in the [TS]

  swamp you walk out on the swamp and then [TS]

  the plane arrives well so I'm walking [TS]

  due to do to be in my you know my like [TS]

  John on snowshoes in the forest thing to [TS]

  do and and just as I clear the forest on [TS]

  the other side [TS]

  here like a shotgun and I'm like what [TS]

  the hell you know but it's not the [TS]

  craziest thing to here in Alaska shotgun [TS]

  tell me an apology but I kind of you [TS]

  know I have a pistol and so I kind of [TS]

  like have my hand on my pistol in case [TS]

  it is this all true [TS]

  what I mean is it all true he's his snow [TS]

  chute two miles toward a swamp or a plan [TS]

  on skis would take off somebody shot a [TS]

  shotgun but it's okay because you had a [TS]

  sidearm well wasn't okay i mean i had a [TS]

  sidearm and now that was where is that [TS]

  if it were if the shotgun were a crazy [TS]

  person not a crazy person but if the [TS]

  shotgun were let's say for instance a [TS]

  crazy trapper had a little shooting like [TS]

  erratically yeah or somebody had gone [TS]

  and was shooting my friend right like I [TS]

  wasn't out there I wasn't out there with [TS]

  the pack of chewing gum and a slingshot [TS]

  sure you must be this would be wondering [TS]

  11 why the shooting right exactly [TS]

  so i get i get a little bit of distance [TS]

  from the forest line so that I can look [TS]

  back at the forest and see what's coming [TS]

  and 15 minutes half an hour later here [TS]

  comes my friend Peter and he has the [TS]

  shotgun and he's out of breath he's been [TS]

  running like crazy and he says you know [TS]

  you gotta come with me and we walked [TS]

  back to the forest and we get back to [TS]

  about halfway through the forest and he [TS]

  shows me he describes that as he was [TS]

  walking across the lake about halfway so [TS]

  he he had timed his he had time leaving [TS]

  the cabin [TS]

  for half an hour after i had left the [TS]

  cabin and as he was walking across the [TS]

  lake he sees big huge brown bear tracks [TS]

  that were walking perpendicular to my [TS]

  snowshoe tracks and they stopped at my [TS]

  snowshoe tracks and then turned and [TS]

  followed my snowshoe tracks into the [TS]

  forest and so Peter when he arrived at [TS]

  this point where the bear the bear [TS]

  connected with where you know my fresh [TS]

  tracks and then turned and started [TS]

  tracking me when Peter hit that point he [TS]

  started shooting his gun in the air and [TS]

  running toward me just like firing the [TS]

  gun firing the gun and halfway through [TS]

  the forest about the point about it [TS]

  about the point in time where Peter [TS]

  would have started shooting the bear [TS]

  left his tracking of me and like went [TS]

  off into the went off into the bushes [TS]

  and all this was in the course of a half [TS]

  an hour [TS]

  God so anyway and so I mean I never saw [TS]

  the better if Peter had been there but [TS]

  he was like well you the bear was a was [TS]

  you know they're barely and I'm hundred [TS]

  yards behind me right there ass when [TS]

  they need to write [TS]

  oh yeah he wasn't he was you know what I [TS]

  mean they could take it outright [TS]

  innocent least in a straight line they [TS]

  could outrun a person know for sure [TS]

  everything is I was just do to do to do [TS]

  product on it just like Jonna hey Jonna [TS]

  know she's in the force think i would [TS]

  not have heard the bear aware of the [TS]

  bear the bear would have been behind me [TS]

  and I and you know who knows to [TS]

  speculate what the bear would have done [TS]

  when he realized that he he wasn't just [TS]

  tracking some chump when he saw me and [TS]

  he realized that I was a a bear of a man [TS]

  i think you still would have been [TS]

  unimpressed [TS]

  Danna and look up an uncanny sense of [TS]

  smell right [TS]

  yes they are they are they hunt by smell [TS]

  well I mean the reason i am first of all [TS]

  that's a fucking insane story John I [TS]

  don't where I don't wear fragrance cells [TS]

  and you don't you don't use a shaving [TS]

  cream [TS]

  right like the Vietcong right but so he [TS]

  was but the bear [TS]

  unlike the Vietcong the bear probably [TS]

  knew a lot about me just from smelling [TS]

  the air other like rangers second and [TS]

  they can track [TS]

  yeah he probably had he probably had my [TS]

  number pretty good [TS]

  well I'm you know we've got a little [TS]

  just a just that in terms of my own [TS]

  adventure stories usually done something [TS]

  called car camping where you can fill up [TS]

  your car and you take 10 steps and then [TS]

  you put a tent down you have a a coleman [TS]

  cooler [TS]

  what's golden it's a pretty nice one [TS]

  yeah it's nice got a gun but that they [TS]

  are you know it's yeah way the gravy [TS]

  California an epic site but they're real [TS]

  super clear about making sure like no [TS]

  seriously you really really need to use [TS]

  the bear box this is this is not like a [TS]

  funny like haha I'm use the tourists [TS]

  there might be bears don't know they're [TS]

  literally are bears here and they will [TS]

  come to your campsite in it and like [TS]

  they will smell your food and they will [TS]

  smell everything it will smell your pee [TS]

  and poo there was they will smell your [TS]

  babies like keep the food in the bear [TS]

  box and it sounds like the Bears I mean [TS]

  there is a domesticated that's the wrong [TS]

  word but they definitely ain't scared of [TS]

  humans like they're in the California [TS]

  car camping bears are not scared [TS]

  yeah they're they're they're tending to [TS]

  the season they're doing great but [TS]

  nobody was true and I mean you would [TS]

  just see them just moseying around and [TS]

  and those are black bears I i'm not sure [TS]

  if that's my ping-pong and lets get that [TS]

  correct that is correct because the last [TS]

  brown bear in california i think was [TS]

  eradicated that there's a brown bear on [TS]

  the California flag over the state flag [TS]

  of California hasn't as a grizzly bear [TS]

  on it there are no is that right [TS]

  grizzly bears in California anymore huh [TS]

  they were all killed out without bodies [TS]

  LOL grounders black bears but no brown [TS]

  bears and black bears are are much [TS]

  smaller and much more [TS]

  I mean I wouldn't i would run up to a [TS]

  wild blackberry and huggett but they are [TS]

  much more sort of Barry eating [TS]

  they like a bowl of muesli and yogurt [TS]

  they like to know that fresh air they [TS]

  like to talk about their feelings Jewish [TS]

  summer camp they like to rummage in the [TS]

  in the in the footlocker looking for the [TS]

  bug spray like they are they are a [TS]

  gentler smaller kind of bear brown bear [TS]

  is isn't a monster is our arzoo is [TS]

  really bad and a lot of ways it's [TS]

  interesting in its way I we should visit [TS]

  there together [TS]

  my daughter loves to go there it's a lot [TS]

  of fun it's very poorly made it's kind [TS]

  of like a mall and no matter where you [TS]

  stand arzoo you feel like you're [TS]

  standing in back of whatever you're [TS]

  supposed to be looking at a place like [TS]

  that we're like I always feel like I'm [TS]

  in the wrong places coming at bottom of [TS]

  the hill like there's nowhere to go we [TS]

  don't feel like you're in the wrong [TS]

  place [TS]

  yeah and but for some reason I mean one [TS]

  of those gosh it's one of those names [TS]

  that you associate with lots of [TS]

  philanthropy somebody threw a metric [TS]

  shit ton of money at this grizzly bear [TS]

  just chocolate was a hewlett could have [TS]

  been the Packard's it could have been [TS]

  the Goldbergs it could have been the [TS]

  robert wood johnson i don't know but [TS]

  there's a there's a very very spacious [TS]

  though there's this one polar bear [TS]

  there's one little sad polar bear and [TS]

  what looks like a kiosk from the mall [TS]

  and it's just sitting out there with the [TS]

  fuckin grizzly bears man they have got [TS]

  this entire giant area that includes [TS]

  like you know one of those seaworld sort [TS]

  of things where you can walk down and [TS]

  look under the water and see them and go [TS]

  to this different area to see them from [TS]

  this different vantage point and I'm I [TS]

  mean and what school is when you get a [TS]

  little underground like the water area [TS]

  they they put bear-sized footprints in [TS]

  the concrete so you can see and you know [TS]

  Eleanor like stop to walk on this and [TS]

  they're like maybe a foot across but [TS]

  they've got to be like at least like [TS]

  eight inches across and then you see [TS]

  these things just ambling around and [TS]

  they think they look like a like a fat [TS]

  man like a family used to do kung Fu's [TS]

  had like three martinis but they're very [TS]

  they're ambling do you know what i mean [TS]

  but there's something about them were [TS]

  just like a glancing blow not a fucking [TS]

  tree down [TS]

  just there's it's it's I mean that it's [TS]

  it's weird I mean like it's their [TS]

  prehistoric there's you have to have [TS]

  that vibe they have that like I'm not [TS]

  like Brachiosaurus but they've got that [TS]

  kind of weird taper dinosaur neck [TS]

  yeah their heads are are the size of an [TS]

  armchair they're really and polar bears [TS]

  are also enormous there was a polar not [TS]

  ours is not ours looks like a recently [TS]

  divorced man he's a sad guy it seems [TS]

  every little there's a little uh this [TS]

  little train you can track her down to [TS]

  the zoo and you just you're right by the [TS]

  polar bear and he just he just looks [TS]

  like maybe returns calls its he sits up [TS]

  on his hind I'm sits up on his heart and [TS]

  his kind of waves one lonely and at the [TS]

  train [TS]

  ah there's a polar winter that one guy [TS]

  your neighborhood on the lawn chair [TS]

  it was like hi I'm a veteran there's a [TS]

  polar bear at the Anchorage zoo for many [TS]

  years whose name was binky binky the [TS]

  polar bear and every once in a while [TS]

  some drunk kid would scale the fence [TS]

  this john hodgman know some drunks some [TS]

  drunk Anchorage kid it was it was thing [TS]

  that happened periodically some kid [TS]

  would scale the fence to either be [TS]

  taught the bear or on a dare or because [TS]

  the bear seem to be sleeping or because [TS]

  the bear was all what the bear was [TS]

  sleeping all the way across the [TS]

  enclosure or some other reason that some [TS]

  kid thought it was a good idea to climb [TS]

  the fence into the bear enclosure and [TS]

  routinely binky would go from fully [TS]

  asleep like balanced on a truck tire or [TS]

  whatever it is that bears do in those [TS]

  zoos like fully asleep 200 yards away [TS]

  binky would go from like unconscious to [TS]

  on this kid it in the blink of an eye on [TS]

  one really one time he got a kid and the [TS]

  newspapers reported it as delicately as [TS]

  they could but the but the gist of it [TS]

  was that binky had bit disk [TS]

  stick off the kid the teenager made it [TS]

  to the fans like an example of it he got [TS]

  in there he got into the thing and being [TS]

  you know binky was asleep all the way [TS]

  over there and then all of a sudden [TS]

  think he was not asleep anymore and [TS]

  bakey is the size of a cup of a [TS]

  locomotive and binky is coming at you [TS]

  very fast and this kid this kid ran to [TS]

  the fence and he you know he got he got [TS]

  halfway up the wall and bakey just got [TS]

  it right in the right in the back and [TS]

  there's a there's a famous photo if you [TS]

  want to google that a pinky carrying [TS]

  this kids shoe around in his mouth [TS]

  they couldn't get the shoe away from him [TS]

  and for I don't know how long I think he [TS]

  just was like my shoe now living if you [TS]

  could be one of mounting on his wall and [TS]

  he had this he had this nike this this [TS]

  kids nike that he just like it was his [TS]

  toy he just carried it around and the [TS]

  zoo was mortified [TS]

  it's not a thing that you want you know [TS]

  what people coming to the zoo and seeing [TS]

  your polar bear like proudly carrying [TS]

  this kids shoe around in his mouth but [TS]

  it's a fucking bear i did get away from [TS]

  the guy it was like what do you expect [TS]

  you know you wanted yeah i mean i think [TS]

  they could have gone in with like a [TS]

  chicken and tried to trade will give you [TS]

  a chicken you give us the shoe but throw [TS]

  me the whip [TS]

  there's exhibitors be great there's a [TS]

  great picture him with that you I think [TS]

  you will [TS]

  well you know what arzu it really is a [TS]

  mess god bless them you know where [TS]

  members there were part of the San [TS]

  Francisco illogical society course you [TS]

  are yeah which means to pay a hundred [TS]

  dollars here to cause as much as we want [TS]

  down but we super out back there [TS]

  oh sure we do we we bring along a vegan [TS]

  lunch we eat all of it we get we give [TS]

  some way to a format we can support some [TS]

  almond my milk out for your dead homie [TS]

  that's funny [TS]

  ah we have problems that are you i don't [TS]

  remember nothing goes on a morning like [TS]

  Christmas Day couple three years ago [TS]

  like somebody some single somebody broke [TS]

  into the zoo and got into the tiger area [TS]

  the Tigers I think if memory serves yeah [TS]

  yeah it did not turn out great [TS]

  I arvizu lost its last it's elephant [TS]

  credentials [TS]

  whoa you know the elephants I think if [TS]

  you ask anybody who's a zoo person [TS]

  they'll tell you that one of the big [TS]

  draws in the zoo world is having [TS]

  elephants [TS]

  yeah yeah everybody wants to see an [TS]

  elephant it's not a zoo without an [TS]

  elevator with drawers are our elephant [TS]

  writes it took your elephant away [TS]

  yeah i think i think an elephant at [TS]

  least one elephant died at the zoo [TS]

  no you can't you know just kind of [TS]

  person that kind of spaced it there's a [TS]

  lot that happens there we were kinda [TS]

  like oh you know and meant to take care [TS]

  of that thing like a lot of my getting [TS]

  you wander around just empty displays is [TS]

  very there's very apt thin looking [TS]

  jungle cats is it's a it's a really [TS]

  weird two-button to realize you're doing [TS]

  great just for what it's worth I told [TS]

  you about the elephant sanctuary right [TS]

  now I don't think you have at some point [TS]

  at some point I I don't know how I i [TS]

  don't know i arrived at this I worry i [TS]

  secretly working wonder how long we [TS]

  really be able to do the show I don't [TS]

  know and then then I realized that that [TS]

  you literally have thousands of stories [TS]

  that I assume true [TS]

  this isn't a story this isn't a story [TS]

  that involves me directly right but [TS]

  somehow as I was [TS]

  oh you know what it was I realized a [TS]

  certain point five or six years ago I [TS]

  was trying to make my was trying to be a [TS]

  bachelor remember this I would i bought [TS]

  a house is trying trying to be hip [TS]

  bachelor guy i was going to get some [TS]

  leather couches I was going to get a big [TS]

  screen TV and I was gonna sit in my [TS]

  house gonna wear a velvet smoking jacket [TS]

  and I was gonna fill my house with art [TS]

  sort of like a mini Hugh Hefner this was [TS]

  my vision for Patrick payment patrick [TS]

  bateman exactly and then I realized that [TS]

  you're a man of means and i was at the [TS]

  time [TS]

  yeah and I Anna and then I realized very [TS]

  quickly that I didn't want a leather [TS]

  couch and that I had no use for a big TV [TS]

  and then I was kind of at sea [TS]

  nothing good ever happens on a leather [TS]

  couch [TS]

  nothing at all you're absolutely right i [TS]

  did not need i did not need one more [TS]

  place to sit and uncomfortably sweat but [TS]

  I wanted to have my apart I wanted to [TS]

  have my house filled with our you're in [TS]

  my good friend Jason Finn the drummer of [TS]

  the president of the united states of [TS]

  america he has you would not believe [TS]

  this but you would not believe looking [TS]

  at him because he's a he's a terrible [TS]

  person but he has this very very great [TS]

  art collection that he has that he has [TS]

  developed and curated a lot of people [TS]

  with crazy eyes have nice art you know [TS]

  you know like 25 years he's been [TS]

  collecting art and he does these key [TS]

  does these things where he goes to like [TS]

  student art shows and he has developed [TS]

  an eye enough that he buys this is on [TS]

  the crazy eye for art he's got crazy eye [TS]

  for art huh [TS]

  and he you know he spends a hundred [TS]

  bucks on a painting from a guy and five [TS]

  years later everybody's talking about [TS]

  the the painter and he's like yeah I got [TS]

  that 400 bucks at an art show student [TS]

  art show [TS]

  you're just like what an asshole like [TS]

  how dare you be successful at this but [TS]

  anyway so Jason finn being a being a [TS]

  model for me being being someone that I [TS]

  that you know he's sort of a mentor [TS]

  because he's older than I am i decided i [TS]

  was going to get into this this was [TS]

  going to get some art for my house art [TS]

  that wasn't just like old posters of [TS]

  topless girls that had been lacquered to [TS]

  plywood again against getting outriders [TS]

  you're gonna go beyond like having like [TS]

  a like like a poster of clint's the kiss [TS]

  on phone call or like really really [TS]

  spread out right no more Dallas Cowboys [TS]

  Cheerleader montage but like I earnest [TS]

  outsider art kind of art or like [TS]

  actually legitimate cool stuff [TS]

  this was the thing like I happiness i [TS]

  have an especially since the one that [TS]

  has the room full of art you describe [TS]

  that time Jason are you you're [TS]

  describing something I mean you're up to [TS]

  but you're describing a friend of yours [TS]

  who like has has like sought out like [TS]

  amazing like thrift store paintings that [TS]

  are actually like no no no Jason [TS]

  actually Jason issues [TS]

  thrift stores he is a fancy boy guys are [TS]

  here re he buys already are [TS]

  yeah this isn't like found our this is [TS]

  like art by artist [TS]

  so I'm a spot you know I've got a house [TS]

  full of thrift store art but i wanted to [TS]

  get some art art and i'm looking around [TS]

  and i don't know anything about it and [TS]

  I'm looking at this is like that's that [TS]

  thing is 1,500 bucks it's just a bit [TS]

  just to like I've seen refrigerator [TS]

  magnets that I like more than this thing [TS]

  and I'm going to art galleries that and [TS]

  I just don't I don't I don't feel it i [TS]

  don't feel part of that culture and then [TS]

  I learned that elephants make art that [TS]

  they give elephants paint brushes and [TS]

  then they sell those elephant paintings [TS]

  to to pay for elephant chow that it's [TS]

  some kind of thing where the elephants [TS]

  are actually they're actually working [TS]

  for their bowl of food [TS]

  have you seen this actually happen yes [TS]

  yes they give elephants paint brushes [TS]

  and paint and the elephants love it [TS]

  there's super excited and they express [TS]

  themselves in paint and they do is like [TS]

  kind of amazing paintings and i said i [TS]

  do not care about student artists really [TS]

  enough to pay 1600 dollars let alone [TS]

  20,000 students [TS]

  yeah as long as a professional once [TS]

  they're not students that they want real [TS]

  money for their pain to this but [TS]

  elephants [TS]

  oh I will totally buy a painting for [TS]

  from an elephant [TS]

  so I go on and i'm looking at all the [TS]

  elephant paintings and they're talking [TS]

  about you know the then copy for these [TS]

  other paintings is being written by some [TS]

  elephant trainer not like an art curator [TS]

  the elephant trainer so like Maisie was [TS]

  so happy this day and she painted this [TS]

  painting and you can see how happy she [TS]

  is because she is so much yellow I'm [TS]

  like that is a terrible description of [TS]

  that painting and painting is saying a [TS]

  lot more to me than that maze happy I'm [TS]

  feeling amazing laying down i'm picking [TS]

  up but she's laying down in this [TS]

  painting but here's the problem we'll [TS]

  just like when i got into Afghani war [TS]

  rugs all the ones that i really liked [TS]

  already have all [TS]

  Afghani war rugs that had like had you [TS]

  know mig-27 and then they were all sold [TS]

  already and all the elephant paintings i [TS]

  really like were sold and the the ones [TS]

  that were still for sale were like all [TS]

  these ones do you know all these brown [TS]

  ones anyway so I followed that I [TS]

  followed the elephant thread and i [TS]

  discovered the elephant sanctuary which [TS]

  is in Tennessee these people bought like [TS]

  I'm like 50,000 acres of growing [TS]

  tennessee hills and they take all these [TS]

  elephants that have spent their whole [TS]

  lives like little bit like working in [TS]

  the circus and living in a living in a [TS]

  tiny little cement room and get all [TS]

  these elephants that were like chained [TS]

  to a 6-foot length of chain and they [TS]

  have permanent scars on their on their [TS]

  little elephant wrists from 20 years [TS]

  been chained to a floor [TS]

  yeah all these elephants with [TS]

  post-traumatic stress disorder all these [TS]

  elephants who had their babies taken [TS]

  away and had been it's like look at [TS]

  child soldiers meats like Dumbo [TS]

  yeah yeah exactly elephants who have [TS]

  been traumatized and they are brought to [TS]

  this elephant sanctuary and they're [TS]

  turned loose to live out their lives [TS]

  just just paint whatever they want just [TS]

  frolicking in Tennessee which is [TS]

  Tennessee as you know is the Africa of [TS]

  America [TS]

  haha at least the india of America [TS]

  oh and you know they roll in the mud [TS]

  they think they think you're lucky they [TS]

  can't write a party with other elephants [TS]

  thinking to know each other they like [TS]

  thinking to know each other they like [TS]

  they play slap and tickle are they do [TS]

  whatever elephants do and it's this [TS]

  great they're very social animals [TS]

  they're very social and you know and of [TS]

  course of course a lot of them are girl [TS]

  elephant so there's some social I [TS]

  there's some like you know there's a [TS]

  tiny baby kind of thing that people only [TS]

  want to adopt the the mail i think so i [TS]

  think i think having a boy elephant is I [TS]

  mean that they're a lot bigger and [TS]

  they're a lot no meaner baby uh-huh [TS]

  but you know I'm good said there that [TS]

  their likes their their social so [TS]

  somebody's going to somebody's going to [TS]

  be honest resized and one of the [TS]

  elephants is you know gonna be like but [TS]

  that's how they do you got a lot of be [TS]

  how they are you know you gotta let them [TS]

  how to be how they do so anyway I'm a [TS]

  big supporter of the elephant sanctuary [TS]

  Tennessee and they go to their website [TS]

  all the time and every time i see an [TS]

  elephant that's in a zoo or that's doing [TS]

  some work in the world unlike me [TS]

  elephant sanctuary i whispered in there [TS]

  and like just a lot sanctuary [TS]

  you know I've always had our next-door [TS]

  neighbor when I was in junior high [TS]

  collected elephants and I realized on [TS]

  others not what you know elephant [TS]

  related things so I can collect the [TS]

  animals it was going to say as elephant [TS]

  collection tract housing but about it [TS]

  out but I realize what a gift it is to [TS]

  everyone in your life [TS]

  we talked about this you know if you [TS]

  have a collection like in your case [TS]

  think about all the things if somebody [TS]

  figured out how to reach you that they [TS]

  could give you as a gift because they [TS]

  know you like a brow playboy like a [TS]

  cowboy hat you like a nice cant nice [TS]

  breasts candelabra know that cheap stuff [TS]

  that's right it's a gift you get you [TS]

  give to your friends ratings i collect [TS]

  rabe and I have any kind of birthday [TS]

  party or any kind of house warming gift [TS]

  you want to bring me ray bans oh I'm in [TS]

  you're in [TS]

  yeah but it but in her case you could [TS]

  bring her an elephant it's because now I [TS]

  mean you know the thing is it's it's you [TS]

  always know so if you go somewhere if [TS]

  you go to to gatlinburg which is in the [TS]

  Africa of America you know that you can [TS]

  get an elephant [TS]

  thing and you give it to her and it's a [TS]

  wonderful gift right now in your case it [TS]

  sounds to me like you are like my agent [TS]

  neighbor in pasco county florida you're [TS]

  giving a gift to people you're saying if [TS]

  you wanted to give me something it can't [TS]

  be cheap and cheesy but give me some [TS]

  nice elephant created art and that's [TS]

  something that you could do for me [TS]

  because it's missing you know what its [TS]

  specific it's not going to be specific I [TS]

  mean how many times when you're a kid [TS]

  you get like the off-brand big gym or [TS]

  something you know right exactly when my [TS]

  mom brought me stay Diaz instead of [TS]

  remember remember the iconic white [TS]

  knight these with the blue stripe [TS]

  yeah and then you remember the stadia [TS]

  tennis shoes i remember there's a number [TS]

  of ones what we're that where the swoosh [TS]

  was was legally squared off the swoosh [TS]

  are just a little too round and fruity [TS]

  yeah it wasn't just that it was around [TS]

  the swoosh was actually a whale [TS]

  oh I do remember that the long showers i [TS]

  had JC Penney's fake adidas with with [TS]

  four stripes [TS]

  oh yeah nice to see those kids a mile [TS]

  away and I was the kid with the [TS]

  stadium's my moms like those nikes [TS]

  you're 80 bucks mine were a bluish [TS]

  purple with orange stripes for orange [TS]

  stripes [TS]

  it's actually some kind of cool now the [TS]

  yeah the competition I wish I had those [TS]

  stadiums i wish i had all of mine [TS]

  uh-huh i think i am very reluctant to [TS]

  talk about this because i think i got [TS]

  scammed recently by an animal artist and [TS]

  I'm not real comfortable talking about [TS]

  it but I got a bad feeling about this [TS]

  like a lot of white people I heard a [TS]

  thing on NPR about cheetah and cheetah [TS]

  monkey [TS]

  it's a champ John sorry chief cheetah [TS]

  was the chimp from the Tarzan movies [TS]

  right to you about this [TS]

  well I know about cheating the gym from [TS]

  the Tartan well long story short cheetah [TS]

  you know chips get old people don't [TS]

  realize this is really cute when the [TS]

  runaround diapers when there are a few [TS]

  months old but then they turn into like [TS]

  you know basically imagine an insane [TS]

  seen out [TS]

  shit throwing five-year-old have fun for [TS]

  80 years right so you need to get a [TS]

  cheap Elvis learn this right now let's [TS]

  learn this with the with the with his [TS]

  used to masturbate in front of guests he [TS]

  thought that was funny you know it's [TS]

  kind of funny from Tennessee imagine [TS]

  being else's house and chips master [TS]

  finishing that the child is getting [TS]

  right in there with no chips will your [TS]

  face yet all know know they'll tear all [TS]

  kinds of stuff off there either ornery [TS]

  and dad and you know and so anyway I [TS]

  heard this thing that this part i'm [TS]

  pretty sure is true which is that [TS]

  cheetah was being and I'm not going to [TS]

  google this pachita was now being cared [TS]

  for at this sanctuary and look how cool [TS]

  is that cheetah like I grew up like [TS]

  watching you know this terrible terrible [TS]

  Tarzan movies [TS]

  how cool is it that up all those people [TS]

  like cheetah of all this little people [TS]

  is still alive Johnny wife's mother is [TS]

  dead but love ya like so many Olympians [TS]

  dead [TS]

  I and the way that they were subsidizing [TS]

  cheetahs keep was the cheetah did [TS]

  paintings right for his cheating child [TS]

  tell your dad is Jeter child so like a [TS]

  lot of people i think i heard about this [TS]

  on NPR by which i mean i'm positive i [TS]

  heard about this on NPR up [TS]

  I mean this guy's got the stink of all [TS]

  things considered does it sure doesn't [TS]

  hear the theme Robert Siegel [TS]

  ding-ding-ding-ding bg2 paintings [TS]

  paintings and it's i went to the went to [TS]

  the site if memory serves I went to a [TS]

  forum where I selected what colors I [TS]

  would like cheated to use and I forget [TS]

  how much I paid for it but we bought a [TS]

  cheater painting now wait are you saying [TS]

  that you not only bought a cheetah [TS]

  painting but the you commissioned the [TS]

  cheetah painting oh shit yeah it's in my [TS]

  house [TS]

  yeah how however I never skinned the [TS]

  cheetah painting I've been in your house [TS]

  anytime I have have mixed feelings about [TS]

  the chip you're afraid it's not it's not [TS]

  authentic cheetah I well there's a [TS]

  couple levels to this is not super [TS]

  interesting but I think there's a couple [TS]

  levels to it first [TS]

  I believe there is some controversy [TS]

  about whether that is in fact the [TS]

  canonical cheetah I think there is some [TS]

  concern that that might be like the [TS]

  cheetah Evan [TS]

  I'm saying Jeter 630 that's right [TS]

  there's location [TS]

  let's set that aside for a moment we got [TS]

  this painting and you know it's like a [TS]

  canvas you would buy it flax or whatever [TS]

  it's like you know i'm one of those not [TS]

  like a stretched canvas it's on one of [TS]

  those like it's a big board pretty late [TS]

  it's purple and yellow and it looks like [TS]

  a fucking chip made it haha alright [TS]

  sounds like pretty pretty much if you [TS]

  want to guess what a chimp smearing [TS]

  paint on like you know with not a whole [TS]

  lot of sense of negative space let's be [TS]

  honest [TS]

  yeah yeah yeah uh and you know man I [TS]

  these years ago man LOL this is so cool [TS]

  we supported cheetah and then there's [TS]

  like it's like long lines up with your [TS]

  dog sign the Christmas card and you make [TS]

  it put its paw in there [TS]

  uh-huh but you are afraid to put three [TS]

  thumb prints on there to fake it right [TS]

  right so you're you're thinking that [TS]

  there was somebody with a cattle prod [TS]

  think it's fucking bullshit i think this [TS]

  dude got a little liquored up and made a [TS]

  cheater painting and that guy is making [TS]

  fucking Bank aphakia making fake [TS]

  paintings that is my problem i'm now I [TS]

  see this is what I live with John and I [TS]

  can't prove it I can't disprove it [TS]

  I want to say nothing nothing against [TS]

  cheetah rights really matter something [TS]

  in the painting this doesn't smell right [TS]

  there's something there's something it's [TS]

  got a chip stink on it there's something [TS]

  about it that's not right you know what [TS]

  I've not tracked it down we're done here [TS]

  I would do more research of our [TS]

  listeners know i would love to hear but [TS]

  I have a feeling i get you to scan on [TS]

  saying i'm very interested in the idea [TS]

  of you know the people who collect [TS]

  animal created art yeah you know yeah [TS]

  well and that's I mean I have to say if [TS]

  I didn't confide in [TS]

  if I was actually going to get an [TS]

  elephant painting i would like I would [TS]

  like I got it I got any I'll never know [TS]

  how good I can be given as an anecdote [TS]

  about that he does it does [TS]

  Groucho Marx whatever Groucho is going [TS]

  did if I would like to see at least a [TS]

  vine at least a six-second video of the [TS]

  elephant actually painting my painting [TS]

  you know I don't want to just get a [TS]

  painting in the mail from an elephant [TS]

  sanctuary because the oven sanctuary [TS]

  where the paintings are being done is in [TS]

  violence [TS]

  Oh give me up [TS]

  fucking break right so it's like will [TS]

  come on now I don't want I don't want I [TS]

  don't want this said I want to rip a [TS]

  repeat of what you don't wanna I don't [TS]

  want to make this about Hitler but i'm [TS]

  very interested in the idea of [TS]

  provenance you know when I first heard [TS]

  that I guess in college and I guess [TS]

  painting class i first heard about you [TS]

  know provenance and where this was how [TS]

  we know where this came from [TS]

  you know I think most people notice from [TS]

  antiques roadshow but you know the whole [TS]

  idea of like you know it's the chain of [TS]

  custody for this particular piece of art [TS]

  right when you say i would absolutely [TS]

  said and that's kind of what it means [TS]

  right we know that somebody made this [TS]

  like Vincent van Gogh gave this to his [TS]

  landlord and the Landlord role to join [TS]

  it and like whatever like we really like [TS]

  how this got to where it was and I guess [TS]

  I I don't want to be that like pics or [TS]

  it didn't happen guy but you know i can [TS]

  for example of a comic artists that I [TS]

  like a lot [TS]

  who does a comic that I like a lot drew [TS]

  me my friend actually my friend is had [TS]

  him draw me a custom cover and send it [TS]

  to me it was kind of weird a first was [TS]

  fucking awesome [TS]

  jean grey but it was also like it came [TS]

  with this like weird like little [TS]

  authenticity thing and what I knew it [TS]

  was real because i know dave and i know [TS]

  my SS and I know all-new x-men and I [TS]

  know that it looked right and but like [TS]

  I'm very interested in that whole idea [TS]

  but how do you prove that you know [TS]

  anybody did anything and I i guess what [TS]

  i'm getting at is you have to have a [TS]

  fucking video of the elephant making [TS]

  your art it's just before you worry [TS]

  about shipping you know you know we [TS]

  should do you should send me a [TS]

  password-protected vimeo video of the [TS]

  fucking elephant making the fucking [TS]

  painting [TS]

  exactly that's right and I won't hold up [TS]

  a newspaper don't know what date it is [TS]

  what makes so I want to make sure it's [TS]

  mine i want you to mention my name in it [TS]

  and what I want the offer to look me in [TS]

  the me what the number one guild war top [TS]

  hot 100 song is this week because you [TS]

  know how this is that the Viacom we do [TS]

  this all the time you can make anything [TS]

  sure they'd be there picking van Gogh's [TS]

  right now to be a car that's ok that's [TS]

  how they keep that war going it's that [TS]

  right but my somebody's underground if [TS]

  it's not you know shocking element dark [TS]

  it's in the tunnel still work [TS]

  but I i was thinking about this the [TS]

  other day so I've got I never throw [TS]

  anything away as you know and for many [TS]

  years not entirely true what's not [TS]

  entirely true but I but there are things [TS]

  there are things you don't try anything [TS]

  that did that doesn't smell unless you [TS]

  created the smell [TS]

  generally yeah and and that is a perfect [TS]

  intro to what I'm about to describe [TS]

  which is that for many years I only wore [TS]

  Levi's I i made the made the classic [TS]

  mistake that a lot of young guys make [TS]

  which is that i found one piece of [TS]

  clothing that worked it didn't have it [TS]

  didn't look the best on me I wasn't like [TS]

  the levis bottle or anything like that [TS]

  but Levi's were you can get a cheap its [TS]

  ears and so I just I got the I got the [TS]

  unwashed kind of the rock 50 once [TS]

  yeah and so I was your man you got me [TS]

  back into and all I we're now it's five [TS]

  pairs 501 thank you for getting me feel [TS]

  bad [TS]

  no no well I mean know Levi's right i [TS]

  mean you know until they until recently [TS]

  the levis company was taken over by by [TS]

  skinny pant hipsters who have no sense [TS]

  of history my gosh I'm ill try and buy [TS]

  apparently likes online don't want to [TS]

  it's completely baffling they're making [TS]

  600 pairs of pants and they can't make [TS]

  their goddamn iconic jeans they don't [TS]

  make the pants that I want anymore [TS]

  everything that they might you know come [TS]

  from a different country and chilean [TS]

  Levi's at mexican levi's vintage [TS]

  Republic Levi's you guys are always take [TS]

  a nap [TS]

  equatorial get all the Chinese levis are [TS]

  like not being mean I'm gonna sit my [TS]

  mission to buy another pair an hour [TS]

  later anyway so I got all these levis [TS]

  and what would happen is i would really [TS]

  advise until they were until they were [TS]

  completely like white no no why he's [TS]

  real one out and the and the cups were [TS]

  blown out and the crotch was blown out [TS]

  and then i would put patches all over [TS]

  them and I would wear them until until [TS]

  you could almost see through these pants [TS]

  in the cast of hair if it was bad look [TS]

  like I was in the cast of hair and [TS]

  suffered for 30 years have been wearing [TS]

  these jeans [TS]

  and when the levis finally get to the [TS]

  point where they're just like okay now i [TS]

  do look like a hippie I look like I look [TS]

  like I'm in a band called hippie big [TS]

  buckle and I need to go to the store and [TS]

  get new jeans instead of throwing things [TS]

  he's like super patchy hippie pants away [TS]

  i would just carefully fold them I would [TS]

  you know watch them one more time [TS]

  carefully fold them and put them in a [TS]

  drawer [TS]

  oh god and so now here at my house I [TS]

  have a draw tonight's no longer a drawer [TS]

  it is now up its it's now basically a [TS]

  hope chest [TS]

  we have with 30 years of these jeans I [TS]

  have 25 pairs of completely patched but [TS]

  all made in America all worn from from [TS]

  like a tin denim level all the way down [TS]

  to this tissue paper and they're all [TS]

  size 36 waist and they're also 36 length [TS]

  and they sit in this footlocker and [TS]

  everyone smile look at open it and look [TS]

  at a time like it's my whole life [TS]

  represented in in worn-out change your [TS]

  life expressed in pants there is my life [TS]

  in pants and everything I ever did I did [TS]

  in these pants every song I ever wrote [TS]

  ever every tour I ever went on was all [TS]

  that's all of these pains unexpectedly [TS]

  poignant ah yes I totally agree so but [TS]

  here's the thing i don't want to go [TS]

  through the rest of my life with with a [TS]

  with this likes submarine full of jeans [TS]

  that I'm carrying with me everywhere you [TS]

  know it's like it's like it's like a [TS]

  three-man seagull submarine that [TS]

  somebody when you're going to be out and [TS]

  your lady is going to be poking around [TS]

  she's going she's going to open the big [TS]

  cedar box and that was so here's one of [TS]

  their 15 years of pants [TS]

  one of the things I'm worried about is [TS]

  that these pants are exactly the type of [TS]

  pants that girls like to steal from boys [TS]

  and where [TS]

  like like cinched around their waist [TS]

  with a capital L so kid it's so cute [TS]

  I don't want it to happen to my later [TS]

  and a big shirt [TS]

  no I don't want I don't want cute girls [TS]

  running around in my jeans are you [TS]

  fucking talking about you have a totally [TS]

  Jules and Jim situation your goddamn [TS]

  bedroom what's wrong with you [TS]

  checking because you're on a mustache [TS]

  children know so anyone special in your [TS]

  sense of history is clouding your vision [TS]

  and that's all I'm gonna say about that [TS]

  you're absolutely right it may be it may [TS]

  be and I think he'll listen Jim maybe I [TS]

  should have been given away these jeans [TS]

  two girls for the last 25 years maybe [TS]

  maybe i missed a big opportunity [TS]

  oh but but I instead I have been [TS]

  protecting these jeans I don't know why [TS]

  right now i have now I have a time [TS]

  capsule of jeans and a and then it pops [TS]

  into my head [TS]

  now wait a minute i could put these [TS]

  jeans on ebay as a lot 25 pairs of jeans [TS]

  from the last 30 years all made in [TS]

  America all worn to paper thickness then [TS]

  I think it was gonna find out who's [TS]

  gonna buy that and what are they going [TS]

  to do with them [TS]

  yeah right like if if i if i sold that [TS]

  like to a costume designer who is lose [TS]

  rebooting hair okay that that could be [TS]

  cool [TS]

  you couldn't make these jeans you could [TS]

  not whether these jeans with with modern [TS]

  technology I think you're looking more [TS]

  like Levi sniffer 56 like you look [TS]

  you're looking implicated a guy with an [TS]

  efficiency apartment is what do you [TS]

  think I don't want to step my Levi's [TS]

  he's gonna want girls leave my I had [TS]

  theirs I've had offers on shoes but so [TS]

  then I say now what if i put them on [TS]

  ebay with the provenance out no question [TS]

  you right you right like I'm sorry [TS]

  interrupt you but you right and you [TS]

  write up a little thing on like what was [TS]

  happening at the time like these are [TS]

  might these are my check genes that [TS]

  these are the jeans that i wrote the [TS]

  song cinnamon in i played me [TS]

  any around a campfire and literally ate [TS]

  pasta with ketchup in these jeans in [TS]

  these jeans now what am I bid and then [TS]

  by the budget extremely creepy single [TS]

  men are holding a ping-pong back and [TS]

  it's sold to the man with his hands cats [TS]

  up up up [TS]