Roderick on the Line

Ep. 66: "If I Could Stop Time"

 

  hello John [TS]

  I'm Marlins are you I'm fine how are you [TS]

  feeling somewhat muted you're feeling [TS]

  muted in just you know little reserved [TS]

  for a little bit low ebb midnight store [TS]

  you listen to daddy o records i'm i'm [TS]

  sitting here reading the lyrics to della [TS]

  souls hit song the magic number M think [TS]

  that's a lot of right now I don't think [TS]

  I that cool what didn't have a giant [TS]

  problem with clearing their samples a [TS]

  child is that but oh I eibhlín gilbert [TS]

  o'sullivan so that's an example of a [TS]

  clear situation where sampling produced [TS]

  a masterwork uh-huh and all should kneel [TS]

  I stand I stand corrected you can buy it [TS]

  i just remember there's a time where it [TS]

  was it was kinda hard to get [TS]

  yeah you might think the hell of a [TS]

  record that was a dozen amazing summer [TS]

  you know that you are getting about this [TS]

  for a second that was 24 years ago 24 [TS]

  years ago [TS]

  telesales three feet high and rising 24 [TS]

  years the 24th anniversary of abbey road [TS]

  was September of 1993 i was playing this [TS]

  game tonight with my wife a terrible [TS]

  game [TS]

  it's a horrible game i think some words [TS]

  the game I've been playing for years and [TS]

  i wish i had a name for it but I had a [TS]

  little genius mix on and down if I can't [TS]

  change your mind Bob Mould came up and [TS]

  was like this song is 20 years old or [TS]

  more [TS]

  that's about 20 years old which means [TS]

  that at that time a 20-year old song [TS]

  came out in 1973 this will be nothing to [TS]

  the younger listeners but it's harrowing [TS]

  it's harrowing to me it's harrowing at [TS]

  and particularly i was thinking about [TS]

  this the other day in 1986 the it is not [TS]

  just that we were younger [TS]

  and that time is longer for young people [TS]

  because in 1986 clearly we had we had [TS]

  gone through we had transitioned through [TS]

  a thousand years in the culture from [TS]

  1966 right that 20-year period from 66 [TS]

  286 we had experienced the metamorphosis [TS]

  of a thousand years of human [TS]

  consciousness 66 we had not been to the [TS]

  moon 66 we were still we were still [TS]

  wearing white go-go boots for the love [TS]

  set of God and body and ironically and [TS]

  by 1986 we had been through we had you [TS]

  know we had been through a doo-wop [TS]

  revival we had been through am radio [TS]

  songwriting we had a weird experience [TS]

  the punk-rock disco anti disco anti punk [TS]

  new wave anti new wave post auntie disco [TS]

  punk post auntie new wave disc upon we [TS]

  had had then another doo-wop revival [TS]

  write them there were there were three [TS]

  rockabilly revivals between nineteen [TS]

  sixty six in 1986 and you know it in the [TS]

  same 20 years band 2013-2 1993 i [TS]

  challenge you to think of a single thing [TS]

  that's happened I think it's I think [TS]

  it's problematic yardstick of that all [TS]

  of our age [TS]

  yeah okay here's one this is this is [TS]

  regarded by some as such a classic it's [TS]

  cliche but Greece which had been a [TS]

  Broadway Broadway show reasons the word [TS]

  is the word the word you've been hearing [TS]

  it's that move it's got feeling in time [TS]

  space and emotion Frankie Frankie Valli [TS]

  saying that is that right not involved a [TS]

  lot of soul not in falsetto wow thats [TS]

  exactly [TS]

  risa the movie that people are most [TS]

  familiar with more than the show grace [TS]

  came out in 1978 which means that the [TS]

  nostalgia in Greece was 20 years old and [TS]

  grease movies no 35 years old [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  so I just have a try first ballot in a [TS]

  month while you're thinking [TS]

  Adam I am so nostalgic for the original [TS]

  nostalgia that I felt for a thing that I [TS]

  was not alive for continuing to be so [TS]

  mean there's so many layers of nostalgia [TS]

  between me and anything that wasn't that [TS]

  though that I like I'm think about this [TS]

  in 1940 when my dad went down to the [TS]

  showbox theater to see Benny Goodman and [TS]

  his orchestra but wait I'm sorry get [TS]

  what year is that 1942 my god imagine [TS]

  seeing like sing sing live [TS]

  bye-bye on a pop and doing to do that [TS]

  was that was the punk-rock of swing and [TS]

  people are flying through the air [TS]

  they're dancing so that they're there [TS]

  they're causing the sprung dance floor [TS]

  to bounce people people are flying [TS]

  through the air and my dad is you know [TS]

  with basically with his teeth on the [TS]

  stage watching this band and thinking to [TS]

  himself this is all I want to do with my [TS]

  life I don't want to I don't want to be [TS]

  a lawyer I don't want to go into real [TS]

  estate or business or government I want [TS]

  to go with this so I want to go with [TS]

  this band and he there was no aspect of [TS]

  nostalgia in that music him for its time [TS]

  it was a hundred percent original with [TS]

  no antecedents do it was not was not [TS]

  aping Lenny antecedent habits like two [TS]

  years old it was I was like it was like [TS]

  a throwback a direct like quote of [TS]

  ragtime or something it was something [TS]

  really new [TS]

  yeah and I guess they did I guess [TS]

  everyone's while they would they would [TS]

  tag ragtime like a little pavement riff [TS]

  or something yeah they driven they drop [TS]

  it in but I mean they were they were [TS]

  blowing people's minds with this music [TS]

  and I'm thinking now like everything [TS]

  I've ever loved has been filtered [TS]

  through at least one cheesecloth of [TS]

  nostalgia right now [TS]

  is that not even knew other there's [TS]

  nothing about new wave once you strip [TS]

  the clothes off of them which i tried to [TS]

  do in every opportunity there was [TS]

  nothing about new wave that hadn't been [TS]

  ok let's turn on the farfisa it's like a [TS]

  fast kinks song a lot of time right or [TS]

  you know or again any any one of a [TS]

  number of beatles songs right Perseids [TS]

  the whole idea i don't know i'm just [TS]

  sitting here I'm just sitting here in [TS]

  mind [TS]

  nostalgia pod I my nostalgia escape pod [TS]

  I'm looking around the room and I can I [TS]

  cannot think of a single thing here that [TS]

  either isn't actually a thing from the [TS]

  sixties or seventies or or from a modern [TS]

  thing that has been made to look like [TS]

  it's from the sixties or seventies it's [TS]

  true except for my apple products [TS]

  they're the only modern thing in this [TS]

  whole and basically my whole house and [TS]

  you're not happy with them with of it [TS]

  just they don't do it you know what this [TS]

  is it's like I don't explain it to you [TS]

  but it's kind of like the days of the [TS]

  Wright brothers it's like we're using [TS]

  bicycles and her airplanes that's where [TS]

  that's where we are right now if this if [TS]

  if this Apple nostalgia for the early [TS]

  days if it had been made it is that if [TS]

  this mac thing had been made to look [TS]

  like an apple 2e and i think i would be [TS]

  very satisfied with it through think i [TS]

  would be like well look at this it's so [TS]

  quaint and quirky a friend add mr. [TS]

  Hodgman was on Marc Maron's podcast [TS]

  awhile back and there's a wonderful [TS]

  quote I I don't understand how you come [TS]

  up with something like that's without [TS]

  writing it but i think it was John [TS]

  nightmare but some one of them said I [TS]

  nostalgia used to be better haha but the [TS]

  sad part is instantly understood you [TS]

  know what they met but you can't [TS]

  understand don't know from nostalgia [TS]

  yeah nostalgia Jesus everyone now [TS]

  increase came out I was kind of torn [TS]

  because I had had just kind of split [TS]

  allegiance among the two cool guys on TV [TS]

  that I followed closely the fonts and [TS]

  yeah Arboretum [TS]

  barberino right yeah but then Barbarino [TS]

  was in he knows in Greece and so like [TS]

  that the way that I found common ground [TS]

  listed go into the bathroom and take a [TS]

  giant scoop of Vaseline petroleum jelly [TS]

  that you have that you guys had in your [TS]

  house [TS]

  my mom's of liberal woman I see actually [TS]

  no part of that is accurate and that why [TS]

  don't you ever put vaseline on your hair [TS]

  I've never did it says easy it seemed so [TS]

  straightforward you've got something it [TS]

  doesn't look like when you look at [TS]

  Fonzie you think he's probably got [TS]

  Vaseline his heritage but he's putting a [TS]

  greasy kids let's give all the things in [TS]

  your Hall things go back in your mind [TS]

  imagine a young John Robert going [TS]

  through your home right now and you had [TS]

  to create Fonzie hair of all the things [TS]

  don't you think that's in like the point [TS]

  five percent of things that would make [TS]

  you look like you have phones here [TS]

  well you would think that except that [TS]

  you know my parents were a little bit [TS]

  older [TS]

  I'll see you know about like Brylcreem [TS]

  or pc kid stuff [TS]

  yeah so I actually went to my mom and [TS]

  said how do you get your hair to do that [TS]

  and she said oh can you be studying [TS]

  she did she did say that but then she [TS]

  said oh what you want is a vitalis and [TS]

  so we all went to the drugstore longs [TS]

  drugs in anchorage alaska and they're in [TS]

  the men's grooming section in the in [TS]

  this section you know pass the drug card [TS]

  to our down where the where like only [TS]

  old men shopped where you could buy [TS]

  still buy a straight razor there was [TS]

  vitalis you could buy it and i bought a [TS]

  bottle of it which i still have I don't [TS]

  think they go bad i have they don't [TS]

  think I everybody i know you're not a [TS]

  big bottle water fan but it's got an [TS]

  expiration date on it [TS]

  yeah I don't think my talent has ever [TS]

  had an expiration date no and I still [TS]

  have the exact bottle of italicized [TS]

  bought in 1983 it is the duck there's [TS]

  not a lot of vitalis left in it but i [TS]

  still use it every once in awhile output [TS]

  a little sprinkle of my talents in Miami [TS]

  been the but the fact is that my mom was [TS]

  wrong [TS]

  that's not how you get on two hits it's [TS]

  like it's mostly Hanukkah it's how is [TS]

  there still fight Alice in there that's [TS]

  right it's um it's a miracle [TS]

  what is that Ellis it's how you get [TS]

  Benny Goodman hair it's not how you get [TS]

  fuzzy hair he's a good-looking guy but [TS]

  my mom was in but she was one of those [TS]

  in-between generation shoes that thing [TS]

  you know she was 20 in the early fifties [TS]

  so she still was licking her hair down [TS]

  an old-fashioned way anyways don't have [TS]

  this by Dallas wow so so you put [TS]

  vaseline in your hair yeah it seems you [TS]

  know and it's sometimes things I've [TS]

  noticed about myself over the years one [TS]

  thing I've noticed in the last five to [TS]

  ten years is occasionally i use a little [TS]

  bit of hair product you know like if I [TS]

  want to like achieve a certain look I've [TS]

  noticed that when I'm nervous I use a [TS]

  little more than I should run you know [TS]

  like you know like so we'll talk more [TS]

  than they should when they're nervous i [TS]

  use I use more hair product than I [TS]

  should and that was wow you know that [TS]

  you cut your own hair and you know the [TS]

  problem of like I'm just gonna like even [TS]

  these sides up [TS]

  yeah and then pretty soon you click here [TS]

  about be putting the you know electric [TS]

  chair now and dad happened to me and so [TS]

  I put in you know what seemed like I [TS]

  remember hearing that phrase that broken [TS]

  phrasal a little dab will do you [TS]

  I did not have a standard for what a DAB [TS]

  was but I thought is probably applicable [TS]

  to this obviously applicable Vaseline [TS]

  and then I needed more because i wasn't [TS]

  getting the effect i wanted and pretty [TS]

  soon I basically put lots of oil like [TS]

  literally oil in my hand and it melts [TS]

  once it's in your hair like yeah once it [TS]

  once it gets into the 98.6 it gets real [TS]

  comfortable the fact that it starts to [TS]

  run down the back to America it was more [TS]

  of an eye I can't in my head right now I [TS]

  can't imagine at games hair look like [TS]

  but haha i think if you're going if [TS]

  somebody just knew enough about 18 you [TS]

  would you have ashley and then my mom [TS]

  was really really unhappy with me and so [TS]

  I went in there and I and I wash my hair [TS]

  and wash my hair again and I don't know [TS]

  if you're from the hood TX that went on [TS]

  water don't mix I but the my hair said [TS]

  fuck you to the shower for days right at [TS]

  least raise i look I look so bad i [TS]

  looked like Larry Darryl Darryl I mean [TS]

  it looks really really bad [TS]

  yeah I'm sure you smelled like like a [TS]

  refinery are you smelled like is [TS]

  somebody dressed like West Texas [TS]

  yeah well I mean I looked I looked I I [TS]

  smelled like a dildo and look like a [TS]

  serial killer mm it was miserable but I [TS]

  didn't do that again [TS]

  I learn more about stuff later but I [TS]

  mean this is an ongoing problem for me [TS]

  takes a long time [TS]

  well I said before I have my whole life [TS]

  especially as a and adults young adults [TS]

  and older adult I always feel like that [TS]

  somehow not gotten the manual like it [TS]

  was just like I said my wife the other [TS]

  day I always feel like somebody got like [TS]

  a three page printout but what happened [TS]

  was we were watching that house of cards [TS]

  thing on netflix and we accidentally [TS]

  skipped over a very important episode [TS]

  and when the next one came on we were [TS]

  like what happened so what do you do you [TS]

  doubt yourself and you say oh I'm stupid [TS]

  because I can't figure this out [TS]

  obviously I wasn't paying attention i [TS]

  was playing with my ipad i just need to [TS]

  watch this more closely and the two [TS]

  nights later [TS]

  that's like well you know we missed an [TS]

  incredibly important episode [TS]

  yeah and that's how i feel i feel like [TS]

  there was a three page handout that [TS]

  would have made everything like [TS]

  seventy-five percent better for me well [TS]

  that's why we're doing this podcast is [TS]

  like it is the three page handout for [TS]

  the next generation but uh but you know [TS]

  that my problem with grease he was the [TS]

  movie was that I had a younger sister [TS]

  who was actually more culturally aware [TS]

  and more of a media consumer than I was [TS]

  even at the age of ten she was eight and [TS]

  I was 10 [TS]

  your sister seems hip so she was very [TS]

  hip like she could get the things that [TS]

  you might try to dissect with the chart [TS]

  like she could just grok that she got [TS]

  him instantly so so I wanted to be as a [TS]

  ten-year-old I wanted to be absorbed [TS]

  into the greased universe and I wanted [TS]

  to drive a hot-rod car that had a [TS]

  Plexiglas you know by now that might in [TS]

  the fullness of time flying to discuss [TS]

  my flight into this guy I definitely [TS]

  definitely a understood the appeal of [TS]

  being a rocker girl but I also [TS]

  understood the appeal of being a good [TS]

  girl [TS]

  I mean these are some of my models and I [TS]

  wasn't sure whether I wanted to be a [TS]

  good girl or a rocker girl but but I'm [TS]

  but then my sister was like [TS]

  seriously seriously heavily into Greece [TS]

  and I I felt an obligation as her older [TS]

  brother to be dismissive about it was [TS]

  like the girl version of frantic [TS]

  Frampton Comes Alive like every girl I [TS]

  knew how to copy that soundtrack every [TS]

  girl and my sister you know had it [TS]

  memorized and she what she watched the [TS]

  movie 25 times and she learned whatever [TS]

  bad thing you're supposed to learn about [TS]

  about being a Barbie dollar or whatever [TS]

  whatever it is that people are mad at [TS]

  Greece for but but uh but i wanted to [TS]

  enjoy Greece I wanted to be an innocent [TS]

  ten-year-old boy who loses his innocence [TS]

  to I mean you know honestly i was i was [TS]

  more in love with frenchie em ngu [TS]

  stockard channing character [TS]

  oh I was announced that the guy from [TS]

  taxi that's the dude from taxi know and [TS]

  i think it was Kenickie friend she was [TS]

  the girl who wanted to be a she was the [TS]

  beauty school dropout all right the girl [TS]

  with the nose yeah bingo [TS]

  she's a little break she was the seed so [TS]

  she was so Julie and substitute so cute [TS]

  and I you know and I didn't understand [TS]

  why she wasn't the one she wasn't the [TS]

  sex object of the film because olivia [TS]

  newton-john she's fine she's cute but [TS]

  she's a little plain compared to the [TS]

  exotic everybody movie is obviously at [TS]

  least 30 in retrospect well you start [TS]

  eating like 645 totally but Stockard [TS]

  Channing was foxy 2 i'm not i mean of [TS]

  all the girls to GTV show after that and [TS]

  I was attracted to her [TS]

  yeah she'sshe's puckish partitions right [TS]

  although I thought I felt her character [TS]

  on the west wing with Chad thought she [TS]

  was not supportive enough of the [TS]

  president who [TS]

  well no that's your job you're working [TS]

  for the president you should be [TS]

  extremely supportive really if you're [TS]

  his wife and I mean I understand that [TS]

  she's a she's a female empowerment [TS]

  figure but come behind the man who is [TS]

  the president is the president on my a [TS]

  nice file card increase its real [TS]

  straightforward it came out i think in [TS]

  1978 and I just have such a clear [TS]

  recollection of this one family at our [TS]

  church had gone and brought [TS]

  their child to it and they walked out of [TS]

  that they marched out of there in [TS]

  complete and utter outrage in like the [TS]

  first however many minutes like what [TS]

  happens in the first minutes it doesn't [TS]

  matter [TS]

  like everything in fact we eat well I [TS]

  think they're smoking and sass mouth and [TS]

  like all things like if this is what [TS]

  happens at the beginning of a PG movie [TS]

  you know you put your hands over the [TS]

  kids ears and you know out of here leave [TS]

  the popcorn take the cannoli let's get [TS]

  out of here [TS]

  yeah and that was the thing is that was [TS]

  the word that you heard with groove and [TS]

  feeling was this grease was not where [TS]

  people at wait a christian church should [TS]

  be spending their time with their [TS]

  children carys bad it might as well as [TS]

  you know it was like the Holocaust or [TS]

  something [TS]

  people were dry humping people were [TS]

  finger-banging oh yeah fingerbanged I [TS]

  mean probably through the pants but uh [TS]

  huh uh huh you know for a long time I i [TS]

  was because of my very special things I [TS]

  was very attracted to the weirdly the [TS]

  disturbing sexy Olivia newton-john yeah [TS]

  because I think that's what you're [TS]

  supposed to do even that she seemed [TS]

  really uncomfortable in her role [TS]

  yeah it's like fake slutty girl of [TS]

  course I was attracted to her but in [TS]

  retrospect I gotta say the original the [TS]

  one who should be your vitalis Olivia [TS]

  newton-john in those spandex pants is a [TS]

  little too bony I have to say huh [TS]

  she's a little bony she's a little like [TS]

  boy hipped yeah what about the word [TS]

  about the don't want I really don't want [TS]

  to know what what your special thing is [TS]

  but what about the physical video now [TS]

  come on boy that was that transitioned [TS]

  into like I had a very very complicated [TS]

  relationship with leg warmers and [TS]

  headbands big ones and headbands [TS]

  basically where the they were the ballot [TS]

  that those were the boundary fences of [TS]

  my whole young sex life right there was [TS]

  there was a headband here and there were [TS]

  late warmers there and everything [TS]

  in-between was like well how did you get [TS]

  there like a PPS in dmz yeah how did you [TS]

  first know how to get the pants off with [TS]

  their leg warmers guarding the approach [TS]

  and I met I don't know what the headband [TS]

  is for yeah but look like by that you [TS]

  know that kicked up to get John McEnroe [TS]

  and you're bored with the headbands I [TS]

  think they really gonna kick that off [TS]

  Olivia definitely carry that forward and [TS]

  then Flashdance just blew that wide-open [TS]

  think that I a flash I wasn't into [TS]

  Flashdance I I have a confession to make [TS]

  you know this is one of those weird [TS]

  things that when I look back at it I [TS]

  cannot know I cannot I cannot put myself [TS]

  fully in my thirteen-year-old mind [TS]

  because when i was 13 i could not think [TS]

  of a more beautiful woman and Jamie Lee [TS]

  Curtis who and then later 15 years later [TS]

  when I in the fullness of time had come [TS]

  to recognize that Jamie Lee Curtis was [TS]

  kind of repulsive [TS]

  oh I'd well I tried to get a shower and [TS]

  Aphrodite and hope that didn't know your [TS]

  opinion of a general or bad it's jay [TS]

  normative that's what that's one of [TS]

  those things like that they pumped a [TS]

  gallon of semen out of Rod Stewart I [TS]

  don't believe that izzy 8w spider eggs [TS]

  but he here pop rocks and then drank a [TS]

  coke and it turned into a gallon of [TS]

  scene and that's why they charged in ten [TS]

  thousand dollars for the cookie recipe [TS]

  but I honestly my whole idea of like the [TS]

  foxiest girl in the world was Jamie Lee [TS]

  Curtis in trading places and now i [TS]

  cannot i cannot get there i can not at [TS]

  all you can that you don't have access [TS]

  to that at all [TS]

  I mean Jill st. John there's there was [TS]

  never any question I can always go look [TS]

  at Joe st. John and I can find exactly [TS]

  what it was that I was thinking the [TS]

  first time I saw Jolson job but I but [TS]

  Jamie Lee it's just it's not the same [TS]

  it's not the same for me anything like [TS]

  you wouldn't be so vacuous as to say it [TS]

  was just because you saw her boobies for [TS]

  a second and then known before long [TS]

  before I saw her boobies right she been [TS]

  in you know what halloween and we should [TS]

  either using 10 but I'm just saying like [TS]

  I think she was in front of 13 [TS]

  yes she did all these slasher films that [TS]

  were really pop those are two like [TS]

  canonical slasher films point being that [TS]

  like her face was everywhere for teenage [TS]

  boys like fangoria staring at you know [TS]

  what I mean like she was some of our [TS]

  youth [TS]

  yeah she had that boyish haircut she had [TS]

  the 1i like John I like bullish I come [TS]

  snapping i really like bullish but now [TS]

  now as proper as as it probably should [TS]

  have been and Margaret in Tommy oh god [TS]

  is 50 actually is actually the peak is [TS]

  actually the you know she is the ER do [TS]

  do enjoy the appearance of a more [TS]

  womanly woman these days to I enjoy the [TS]

  appearance of a more womanly woman I [TS]

  don't wanna talk about this at all but [TS]

  if we're going to talk about this let's [TS]

  make it a continuum [TS]

  I'm just making this up I still kind of [TS]

  digesting dinner but if we have a [TS]

  continuum that goes somewhere between [TS]

  Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe right [TS]

  is that a fair one like because I want [TS]

  him [TS]

  yeah i mean that the cultural reference [TS]

  because literally 50 60 years old [TS]

  yes and and so is established like a [TS]

  certain standard yeah well and the thing [TS]

  is i can find many I can find you know I [TS]

  know I got my other one [TS]

  what about Carly Rae Jepsen and say ben [TS]

  gibbard yeah haha i don't know what are [TS]

  Carly Rae Jepsen is I keep seeing that [TS]

  came and I could you mention that and I [TS]

  googled it and I started playing her hit [TS]

  song for my daughter and now she loves [TS]

  it she wants the whole album [TS]

  I feel like a Carly Rae Jepsen when I [TS]

  when I hear that a hater nick name I [TS]

  picture Punky Brewster my kind of sound [TS]

  the same [TS]

  yeah I picture somebody that's like [TS]

  that's a little moon frye the play [TS]

  trying years old [TS]

  yeah I don't know but I did learn the [TS]

  other day that the the woman who plays [TS]

  the the blonde the narcissist on 30 rock [TS]

  oh yeah Jenna you know she was the girl [TS]

  with the side ponytail in National [TS]

  Lampoon's Vacation my friend Michael [TS]

  he's met one went on a date with her a [TS]

  couple [TS]

  months after that but yeah she lived in [TS]

  New Jersey where he lived in a they went [TS]

  to a carnival together and she was [TS]

  already a movie star [TS]

  well you know vacation you know yeah one [TS]

  of the great films of the last 40 years [TS]

  can help you with that Eddie please [TS]

  remember her health her up real tomato [TS]

  catch him nothing but the best Clark [TS]

  I've never seen it [TS]

  oh so the party's going to work with 140 [TS]

  come on really [TS]

  oh wow no no this is the beauty of [TS]

  having cable basic cable plus showtime [TS]

  and HBO is there are so many so I'm [TS]

  coming back to something here is that [TS]

  there's so many movies that i have seen [TS]

  I saw stripes six times in a month and a [TS]

  half and at that age when I had [TS]

  retention I mean either still lines to [TS]

  this day that are you know lighten up [TS]

  francis like they're still lines from [TS]

  the movie that are just you know it just [TS]

  just implanted in my brain kids a little [TS]

  younger than us had like a VHS player to [TS]

  watch their favorite movie over and over [TS]

  but you don't mean like for me like [TS]

  sitting in the dark when I'm not [TS]

  supposed to be watching TV like watching [TS]

  escape from new york an alien like made [TS]

  such an impression on me my god me too [TS]

  and in spite of that fact i still i [TS]

  could not even the first time through [TS]

  could not stand the movie Porky's it was [TS]

  so dumb pretty overrated i was just [TS]

  watching it to see the shower shower [TS]

  scene you but uh but even then even at [TS]

  the impressionable age when I was the [TS]

  target audience for that film it was too [TS]

  dumb to dump to believe it's not a well [TS]

  made movie [TS]

  no I think it's done canada like you [TS]

  well soon see that figures have said but [TS]

  like you say I i watched stripes and [TS]

  escape from new york and national [TS]

  lampoon's vacation i would watch them [TS]

  over and over and over and over [TS]

  well you remember I mean until recently [TS]

  you would still get this in hotel rooms [TS]

  we get that little booklet like a little [TS]

  bit like a three by five card that [TS]

  little like shiny booklet with all like [TS]

  what's on HBO at what times I think you [TS]

  still get that in hotel rooms it's just [TS]

  that you have no talent retention yeah [TS]

  you no longer touch anything in your [TS]

  hotel room so it's still there if you [TS]

  were willing to put your hands on this [TS]

  the spine is bent to cinemax after dark [TS]

  I you know I was enough to tell not very [TS]

  long ago and uh and I was a you know I [TS]

  of course I put my remote in a plastic [TS]

  bag that you did and then I'm sitting [TS]

  and i'm scrolling through and I was like [TS]

  you know what maybe I'm gonna lie i've [TS]

  been through the channels 15 times [TS]

  there's nothing on except like yeah II [TS]

  entertainmenttelevision dubbed into [TS]

  german and so I'm going to maybe i'll go [TS]

  watch a first-run movie so I go over and [TS]

  i'm scrolling through the the ads for [TS]

  the first run movies I'm like now this [TS]

  is garbage too and then i think maybe i [TS]

  launched an adult movie like a so you [TS]

  pay for it [TS]

  yeah so I go over to the adult movie [TS]

  menu and you and i'm scrolling through [TS]

  and it's all the same stuff it's just [TS]

  like yeah cheerleaders babysitter's [TS]

  scroll Scroll scroll and then I realize [TS]

  these fucking things are $25 yeah $25 to [TS]

  watch an adult movie in the privacy of [TS]

  your hotel room and it was like they're [TS]

  not that good [TS]

  $25 yeah $25 I could go down I could go [TS]

  down to the nearest mcdonalds plus a [TS]

  20-percent service charge give me I [TS]

  could meet a couple I could meet a [TS]

  couple of girls right for 25 bucks by [TS]

  them both their dinner sitting up in a [TS]

  motel paid $25 you know back in the old [TS]

  days do with HBO you would you could [TS]

  potentially see one of those porn movies [TS]

  where all the good stuff had been edited [TS]

  out [TS]

  yes which is plenty for me is that right [TS]

  you're certain you're pretty soft very [TS]

  soft scale you know I freely I've really [TS]

  gone off the rails in the last 30 years [TS]

  but back then sure you're looking for me [TS]

  man I i could break a pair of jeans with [TS]

  ZZ Top video you know sort of salad days [TS]

  when I was that when I was a teenager I [TS]

  mean I i would get off looking at [TS]

  looking at skiwear catalogs I'll of [TS]

  cattle box know like oh my god that that [TS]

  puffy jacket is son you know puffy [TS]

  jackets are a thing [TS]

  not recently i did not know this but [TS]

  puffy jackets are somebody special thing [TS]

  what you're saying it's a sex thing it's [TS]

  a sexy thing yeah feat jackets jackets [TS]

  yeah yeah um boy one time I said why are [TS]

  we talking about this [TS]

  I want to say probably about 1982 like [TS]

  right right at the worst considerable [TS]

  time somebody the this is back of course [TS]

  when the postal service was was useful [TS]

  and incompetent with the band [TS]

  mhm yeah I like that new song by the way [TS]

  you know there's no Melanie tell Marilyn [TS]

  Monroe I like it [TS]

  they're playing a bunch of shows they're [TS]

  so good i went back to that record so [TS]

  good ok this out [TS]

  um I don't know how this happened [TS]

  because remember male used to be like a [TS]

  real thing you didn't get other people's [TS]

  mail half of our mail at our house is [TS]

  someone else's man which leads me to [TS]

  believe you know is a good job very re [TS]

  remember that movie you can always get a [TS]

  job at the postal service [TS]

  Oh was that it is not blowing your mind [TS]

  bad as a pull quote well whatever you [TS]

  know I'm gonna let that sit I'm gonna [TS]

  let that sit like a search [TS]

  there's always work at the postal [TS]

  service they brought somebody else's [TS]

  victoria's secret catalog to your house [TS]

  you are home I'd never heard of Victoria [TS]

  I didn't know what her secret was an [TS]

  online hell was this one little pile of [TS]

  shiny paper changed everything because [TS]

  it's worried that you understand where [TS]

  we're right we're right in the pocket [TS]

  for like the ZZ Top era i'm pretty sure [TS]

  that I got the first-ever victoria [TS]

  secret channel it you got it bagged and [TS]

  boarded you get outside the comment you [TS]

  can you keep it somewhere special [TS]

  Oh bagged and boarded i get that [TS]

  reference yeah like they didn't want oh [TS]

  no I don't have it now but when you're [TS]

  saying that those go back to 83 I don't [TS]

  think that's true yeah yeah i mean like [TS]

  Victoria's Secret like was the thing in [TS]

  malls by the time i was in college but [TS]

  back then like you know what [TS]

  years later I would acquire like a [TS]

  fredericks of hollywood it was really [TS]

  gross [TS]

  it was obviously like like trailer-park [TS]

  garter belts by the way those kids are [TS]

  great and if you heard him right now [TS]

  wave but at ya boy I just [TS]

  I that was a very very special companion [TS]

  for me [TS]

  yeah the I knew what was on each page [TS]

  I mean I can come up with like a running [TS]

  order the early models in the Victoria's [TS]

  Secret catalog oh this is another this [TS]

  is part of the jamie lee curtis problem [TS]

  yeah i'm not sure if i went back i'm not [TS]

  sure if i went back and looked at an [TS]

  early victoria secret whether it would [TS]

  seem mundane to me at the time of course [TS]

  it was like it was a blaze the trail [TS]

  through the forest of my mind it was [TS]

  like a mystic Manor it just showed up [TS]

  there was a there was a there there [TS]

  little really was a spot on the back [TS]

  page of like some ski magazine there was [TS]

  a an advertisement for obermeyer skiwear [TS]

  I'm talking now same it's a mare 82 [TS]

  maybe obermeyer and that it was a [TS]

  picture of a girl wearing an over Meyer [TS]

  ski jacket and she was so beautiful and [TS]

  the idea that she was also a skier [TS]

  really made a made a connection with me [TS]

  because the skinny girls that I knew [TS]

  that where skiers I mean most of the [TS]

  people I knew who are scared for girls [TS]

  because they were there and our ski club [TS]

  via the girls team was very competitive [TS]

  and a lot of the lot of the girls that I [TS]

  was in love with as a teenager where [TS]

  these these really mean mean rich ski [TS]

  girls that's enough jackets puffy [TS]

  jackets and they always had every season [TS]

  they had brand new skis and brand new [TS]

  polls brand new ski pants and I was kind [TS]

  of like I was already so sort of you [TS]

  know she lumpin my way through trying to [TS]

  get by on some it's right so 33 year-old [TS]

  so you know spider ski jacket with a [TS]

  flight suit underneath it and and anyway [TS]

  this obermeyer ski girl she looked out [TS]

  of the back page of this ski magazine at [TS]

  me with laser beam eyes and it was the [TS]

  type of thing where I i seriously kept [TS]

  at Ski Magazine like under my bed so [TS]

  that i could just and I wasn't even it's [TS]

  not like i was jacking off or anything i [TS]

  would just take it out would take the [TS]

  magazine out and I would just stare at [TS]

  this picture [TS]

  tender John for hours at a time and I [TS]

  don't even think I was imagining [TS]

  scenarios with her it's not like i was [TS]

  saying and then we went to zermatt and [TS]

  we were skiing on the piste like I was [TS]

  just looking at her I was just looking [TS]

  at her face for hours at a time [TS]

  wondering what it was wondering you know [TS]

  even you are working at a pretty high [TS]

  level [TS]

  well I was wondering i love with storage [TS]

  on if we were ever going to meet in a [TS]

  train station somewhere like and I'm not [TS]

  sure I'm not sure if I could go back and [TS]

  you know if I found that picture that [TS]

  girl whether she was now she would [TS]

  probably look like a teenage girl [TS]

  because that's what she was but now you [TS]

  you shouldn't you should let that be [TS]

  special [TS]

  you're really not every yeah I mean it's [TS]

  a yeah you don't want to revisit that I [TS]

  mean look what look what happened Jamie [TS]

  Lee Curtis she's still a handsome woman [TS]

  yeah that's true but he's not your [TS]

  special thing not so special anymore i [TS]

  wish i could have kept her and trading [TS]

  places it once again trading places it [TS]

  comes up [TS]

  there's always work at the post office [TS]

  Hollywood shuffle it is that rather [TS]

  Robert Townsend maybe yes [TS]

  remember remember the impact that film [TS]

  had i but i don't think i've actually [TS]

  side what really seriously yeah it was [TS]

  good movie was around the time i was in [TS]

  college was so I had a pretty uneven had [TS]

  very uneven exposure to think there was [TS]

  something that I was way way over [TS]

  exposed to and then other things like he [TS]

  was like about Star Trek Star Trek new [TS]

  generation and you know as you know I'm [TS]

  not like a big star trek fan so I didn't [TS]

  make the time to seek it out and didn't [TS]

  have it the country so you know what i [TS]

  mean like i say it was just so many [TS]

  things from that time that you know it's [TS]

  just I i have this like black hole in my [TS]

  memory for those things I should've seen [TS]

  it that probably now he finds that on [TS]

  his kind of credit cards i know it was [TS]

  like it was like a as much stone it was [TS]

  a touchdown it was a it was a earth [TS]

  shatter a breaker [TS]

  what's he doing now you think he's [TS]

  working for the post office but i don't [TS]

  know probably what are any of us doing [TS]

  now that's a good point i watch the [TS]

  beginning but that my point being that [TS]

  one of those movies was a mission to the [TS]

  program recently but Sigourney Weaver an [TS]

  alien [TS]

  that very very and it just a beginning [TS]

  sorry for myself but beginning to end [TS]

  and out standing movie I watched it the [TS]

  three nights ago it's still so good but [TS]

  then like Boise are in her underwear and [TS]

  she was right in my wheelhouse is not [TS]

  right [TS]

  oh yes that's true you you do have a [TS]

  Sigourney Weaver well in like another [TS]

  program are watching now with that that [TS]

  girl from Felicity she plays a russian [TS]

  spy on this TV show we watch now and [TS]

  she's just right in the pocket [TS]

  yeah I don't have anything against you [TS]

  know girls who look like women but but [TS]

  but I i think i think i do like a like a [TS]

  boyish pixie ish something [TS]

  yeah I ipads ipods often ladies its [TS]

  opponent was never I i am number two [TS]

  she's hard she's hard that's right it's [TS]

  hard without without being a break [TS]

  she's hard and on her break what's a [TS]

  canonical celebrity her break for you [TS]

  like when you think about when you think [TS]

  about what you're looking for assuming [TS]

  that you know she could get the right [TS]

  you know haircut and combat boots like [TS]

  what give me a sense of if you're a [TS]

  firefighter in the in the police station [TS]

  and we had to draw a composite sketch of [TS]

  your idea Lewis get my sense of how you [TS]

  can tell you exactly and it happened and [TS]

  it didn't actually you did you wouldn't [TS]

  have to go [TS]

  you would have to go far from a police [TS]

  station because the archetype slice know [TS]

  Jennifer Grey in ferris bueller's day [TS]

  off if you've got to be kidding me no [TS]

  are you kidding me she's the hottest of [TS]

  the hottest at Sloan Jennifer Grey in [TS]

  the police station with Charlie Sheen [TS]

  with Charlie Sheen and he is flirting [TS]

  with her just as she is not having it [TS]

  but that feeling but then she she she [TS]

  starts to melt [TS]

  oh my god jennifer grey and then you [TS]

  know of course when Jennifer Grey [TS]

  appeared in dirty dancing movie i have [TS]

  never seen I never seen all the way [TS]

  through i started because i like Jerry [TS]

  Orbach well I didn't even know he was in [TS]

  it but I movie I've never seen but i [TS]

  have watched the highlight reel of her [TS]

  dancing [TS]

  a few times because jennifer grey [TS]

  jennifer grey jennifer grey prinos job [TS]

  super foxy Jennifer great post nose job [TS]

  one of those amazing situation she had [TS]

  she had a chat and nose job and it is [TS]

  like she disappeared from the earth she [TS]

  she's up there for me in there's this [TS]

  weird Venn diagram of people who had [TS]

  like unimpeachably successful cosmetic [TS]

  surgery and I'm actually look better or [TS]

  worse but she looked I mean she didn't [TS]

  look like she had plastic surgery if you [TS]

  had no matter before a great job but [TS]

  I've never i don't think i've seen many [TS]

  people with successful plastic-surgery [TS]

  that look more different and all the [TS]

  changes her nose she was she really i [TS]

  mean seriously when that happens and [TS]

  people showing those photos like there's [TS]

  no way there's no way that's the girl [TS]

  from Ferris Bueller and you remember [TS]

  shield her whole face completely [TS]

  different [TS]

  yeah she got a really great super [TS]

  high-quality expensive professional nose [TS]

  job and she became the plainest looking [TS]

  Albia very pretty girl she looks like [TS]

  the prettiest girl in like a like the [TS]

  traffic traffic class like if you went [TS]

  had to like work off a ticket by going [TS]

  to traffic school and there's the girl [TS]

  across the room and you'd be like oh [TS]

  she's really wow she's she knows how to [TS]

  speed [TS]

  I'll try and sit by her butt but not [TS]

  that she's a movie star anymore and I [TS]

  don't know what you're actually going to [TS]

  impugn jennifer grey either way I have [TS]

  never met the woman but you know nice [TS]

  lady [TS]

  you know it's a lot like indie rock [TS]

  people are always stampeding to get rid [TS]

  of the thing they still haven't realized [TS]

  makes them special [TS]

  yeah you can people can't wait to get to [TS]

  the middle of the curve at least in my [TS]

  opinion you know what I mean like you [TS]

  can't wait for people can't wait for us [TS]

  to find somebody who will shave all of [TS]

  the edges that made them interesting [TS]

  that's why i religiously don't exercise [TS]

  as they had the same conversation today [TS]

  if I got to be super fit [TS]

  I think I would lose a big part of what [TS]

  makes me so cuddly and lovable [TS]

  Oh John in so many ways I mean just [TS]

  think about how much time you would lose [TS]

  over your brooding and you're steaming [TS]

  organizing you do a lot of organizing [TS]

  and moving around right yeah yeah yeah [TS]

  well if these men who spent three hours [TS]

  a day at the gym that the [TS]

  just gonna all go to shit here's the [TS]

  thing about super-fit guys that I don't [TS]

  quite understand this [TS]

  why do they look so clammy like what I [TS]

  mean like super fit guys all its it you [TS]

  can towel them a thousand times and [TS]

  never wipe the sweat all the way off [TS]

  like they seem to have like some time [TS]

  machine [TS]

  yeah they seem clammy and like covered [TS]

  with the kind of like greasy moisture [TS]

  but but it's but they're dry like they [TS]

  look like that even in a tuxedo [TS]

  maybe it's endorphins endorphins make [TS]

  you look make your skin look reason that [TS]

  scientist John alright alright well see [TS]

  that's what I don't want I don't want [TS]

  now the natural sort of flat coloring [TS]

  the natural dryness of my skin and I [TS]

  mean okay with driving a step Rock flaky [TS]

  like appealing lack of bc moisture on my [TS]

  skin I don't want to sacrifice that just [TS]

  kind of whitish sweater weather look [TS]

  like somebody who's who's cheeks are [TS]

  little pink from it's hard to tell [TS]

  whether it's a cold wind or the gym [TS]

  journalist the exhibit the exertion of [TS]

  walking up a flight of stairs [TS]

  yeah but I don't want to I don't want to [TS]

  trade that in for some kind of like a [TS]

  like Vaseline layer between me and the [TS]

  world is that one of those body the [TS]

  stages for you have one of those body [TS]

  things like the Michael Jackson disease [TS]

  where they think that looks good [TS]

  they must not have any control over it [TS]

  right but I mean maybe maybe they think [TS]

  that's maybe something's happened to [TS]

  their chemistry and they got that Karen [TS]

  Carpenter thing and they think they look [TS]

  at most looks good [TS]

  yeah yeah I think that's it well I think [TS]

  what happens is their skin becomes [TS]

  translucent because like slightly [TS]

  translucent because the pigment that [TS]

  used to be a used to make their skin [TS]

  like look solid who was redirected [TS]

  somewhere to like to replace the [TS]

  necessary facts that the various ya like [TS]

  it like as their balls shrink up into [TS]

  their body the pigment from their skin [TS]

  when has to go down and fill them back [TS]

  up [TS]

  enough that you know that they don't [TS]

  create like a like a problem imprint [TS]

  impaction I can't believe you never went [TS]

  to medical school it's astonishing [TS]

  because i had coffee with the guy this [TS]

  morning that I mostly just know from you [TS]

  no internet stuff in really nice guy but [TS]

  with with just a complete lack of irony [TS]

  he asked me what kind of workout i do [TS]

  what do you even lift a lift [TS]

  well I I walk around the corner to my [TS]

  office and sometimes then I walk home [TS]

  and that's a pill [TS]

  uh yeah now that I mean that's a city [TS]

  block that's not even a small block [TS]

  right given up the hill it's a hell of a [TS]

  workout something that's a long walk [TS]

  you got you got a blast effects or [TS]

  something you're my favorite eighties [TS]

  television personality i'm gonna i'm [TS]

  gonna you were in college at this time I [TS]

  don't know [TS]

  no I'm sure I can phonetically follow [TS]

  along but it was Kevin seal [TS]

  oh sure that like yellow team stone on [TS]

  MTV right [TS]

  mtv in two hundred twenty minutes what [TS]

  he did he did he did on in 20 minutes [TS]

  he did a bit headbangers ball for a [TS]

  while but he was MTV is like fun [TS]

  stoned slacker vijay the first one that [TS]

  wasn't the first one that wasn't like [TS]

  some some radio DJ the day plucked and [TS]

  made into a VJ really seem not like a [TS]

  pro yeah he was a guy that they did a [TS]

  Talent Search and he showed up and he [TS]

  was like hey whats up guys [TS]

  the that may said for whatever reason [TS]

  this guy with the superstone dies is our [TS]

  new Vijay and when he appeared on the [TS]

  MTV tea but when he appeared on the [TS]

  screen the first time I was sitting in [TS]

  front of the you know sitting in my [TS]

  lounge my Barcalounger completely baked [TS]

  drinking Schmidt beer and this guy shows [TS]

  up on the screen and it's like I'm [TS]

  looking into a mirror [TS]

  here's the guy that got the job that I [TS]

  wanted to [TS]

  and yet I couldn't hate him because he [TS]

  was so amazing implicating yourself it [TS]

  would be like hating the successful [TS]

  version of yourself thoroughly like [TS]

  hating myself and I watched you guys I [TS]

  mean I got to the point where I had no [TS]

  interest in watching MTV unless Kevin [TS]

  seal was on and then i would just sit [TS]

  and laugh and laugh and laugh at me and [TS]

  I had such a different reaction may I [TS]

  mean I didn't dislike him but like he [TS]

  always seemed a little affected to me [TS]

  yeah right effective because he was [TS]

  baked in this formula Julia was that [TS]

  really i'm pretty sure it was pretty big [TS]

  I was baked and he seemed legit and yeah [TS]

  we're when you're really baked you can [TS]

  tell when somebody else's picture called [TS]

  big baby daughter she got that yeah a [TS]

  little shy one session was just rolling [TS]

  on the floor everything everything out [TS]

  of this guy's about one time he comes [TS]

  home and he says he says you know Eddie [TS]

  Van Halen and valerie bertinelli um you [TS]

  know they've been married for like ten [TS]

  years already and I'm trying to imagine [TS]

  what they talked about and I just I just [TS]

  picture them at home just going like [TS]

  cuckoo cuckoo and he starts doing the [TS]

  hand puppets of valerie bertinelli and [TS]

  eddie van halen like cooing at each [TS]

  other and I i actually feed and it was [TS]

  and it might be because i was incredibly [TS]

  bake [TS]

  yeah i think that things he was speaking [TS]

  a certain kind of truth to you he was [TS]

  speaking he was speaking truth to power [TS]

  and you know and he was cracking himself [TS]

  up i wouldn't be surprised if he peed a [TS]

  little [TS]

  that was the heyday of television for me [TS]

  yeah we can never go back to that now [TS]

  let's see it now we're back and I mean [TS]

  back in a warm pool of nostalgia [TS]

  yeah you're you remember when nostalgia [TS]

  really meant something yeah yeah yeah [TS]

  y'all so nothing for Jamie Lee Curtis [TS]

  she wants to make sure its children's [TS]

  books now we've got one of her [TS]

  children's books and feel like there's [TS]

  there's something has been lost and it [TS]

  and it happened in me it's not anything [TS]

  it's not anything to do with Jamie Lee [TS]

  fish called wanda still very much [TS]

  very should watch that is it still good [TS]

  all right well I imagine is good you [TS]

  know the the the drama that john cleese [TS]

  brings to the proceedings seriousness of [TS]

  his character i think is the tent pole [TS]

  that holds the whole thing up everybody [TS]

  else is doing broad forest but he [TS]

  pleases bringing real pay those I think [TS]

  Kevin clients pretty creating that he's [TS]

  amazing but it's not a subtle roll now [TS]

  now it's very private very private john [TS]

  cleese is such an interesting character [TS]

  in general and you know he's become well [TS]

  over the years I mean he's I feel [TS]

  certain residents with him because he's [TS]

  made his own career out of being broken [TS]

  in public in some ways you know what I [TS]

  mean I really admire the fact that he's [TS]

  you know he's he's all I mean part of [TS]

  what he brought the money Python was all [TS]

  of this ridiculous rage yet you brought [TS]

  so much rage you know but very smart [TS]

  rage but and then by the time you get to [TS]

  Fawlty Towers it's the time I mean you [TS]

  know i guess i guess he went through a [TS]

  lot of stuff and he got into therapy and [TS]

  stuff and now he's kind of a big thinker [TS]

  about this stuff but you know there's [TS]

  there's something really resident about [TS]

  his character in that movie you know [TS]

  it's just it's weird to be such a [TS]

  combination of like angry and you know [TS]

  fawning click Lisa's one of those people [TS]

  that that I feel like he's kinda like [TS]

  Pete Townsend in the in the sense that [TS]

  the first time I ever laid eyes on him [TS]

  before he ever did a comedy like the [TS]

  when he arrived on the screen the first [TS]

  time I ever saw him he was the star of [TS]

  the show to me and I loved him you know [TS]

  like the first time I ever saw Pete [TS]

  Townsend before i ever saw him do [TS]

  anything he was the star of the [TS]

  photograph and I knew that I loved him [TS]

  and there are those people in the world [TS]

  where you just you see them and you know [TS]

  that they that they are the one you love [TS]

  and you kind of follow them anywhere [TS]

  like why would John Cleese in a cast of [TS]

  geniuses like [TS]

  like Python why is click the star and he [TS]

  is you know police is the star in a in a [TS]

  democracy of of geniuses and it's [TS]

  because he has this like supernatural [TS]

  power I remember when I was a little kid [TS]

  my dad started a college in Alaska what [TS]

  he started a college for native guys [TS]

  like Eskimo guys who were at the time [TS]

  kind of being underserved by the [TS]

  university of alaska and my dad started [TS]

  this this can t Qing it was like it like [TS]

  a teacher's college called the Pacific [TS]

  Rim it not university but like it was [TS]

  called pacific rim and it was a he [TS]

  rented classrooms at alaska pacific [TS]

  university and he was giving he had [TS]

  hired teachers I mean I was like six [TS]

  years old five years old and barely [TS]

  remember what he was doing and then and [TS]

  now looking back at it I cannot imagine [TS]

  what he thought he was doing but he had [TS]

  these classrooms full of guys in and [TS]

  that work you know they were that was a [TS]

  time in Alaska when a lot of young guys [TS]

  were coming to Anchorage from the [TS]

  villages and they they were having a [TS]

  hard time coping with city life and my [TS]

  dad had this idea he was going to start [TS]

  this school I remember walking into a [TS]

  classroom one time and they were like 40 [TS]

  guys in there they're all between the [TS]

  ages of like 17 and 24 and they were all [TS]

  Native Alaskans [TS]

  and they were in this class and somebody [TS]

  was lecturing them about you know how to [TS]

  make some make the transition i remember [TS]

  what that what the class was about but I [TS]

  walked in and I was a little little [TS]

  teeny kid and there was a guy in the [TS]

  middle of the room just sitting in a [TS]

  desk like any one of the 40 guys and I [TS]

  just went to him and he was he was just [TS]

  a young guy like any other and he was [TS]

  kind of like oh hey kid you know and and [TS]

  everybody laughed like a little blonde [TS]

  boy just kind of walked across the room [TS]

  beeline for this guy and I stood I [TS]

  stayed with him all day and my dad was [TS]

  off doing stuff and he didn't know you [TS]

  know he was just like okay well I guess [TS]

  you're watching the kid [TS]

  well I go do whatever it is I'm gonna go [TS]

  do you have to my dad probably left [TS]

  campus and went on a date but I spent I [TS]

  spent all day a just like glued to this [TS]

  guy and my sister was with me and chief [TS]

  she was there with like the two of us [TS]

  and she was for the two of us were just [TS]

  glued to this guy and at the end of the [TS]

  day when it was time to for a time for [TS]

  him to go like they had to pry us away [TS]

  from him and it's not that he ever said [TS]

  anything to us he did not back into us [TS]

  it was just that this guy was we knew [TS]

  when walking in the room i still [TS]

  remember the feeling that he was up that [TS]

  he was a kind of royalty [TS]

  he was a prince and I wanted to be I [TS]

  wanted to be with him I wanted to follow [TS]

  him and and he was a deal was just a [TS]

  dumb teenager like his reaction to us [TS]

  was like huh [TS]

  I don't know what this is all about I [TS]

  don't know what these kids want but he [TS]

  was kind to us all day [TS]

  it's just that we knew that he was [TS]

  somebody special and I don't know [TS]

  ever happened to him but uh but every [TS]

  once in awhile in life you see these [TS]

  people these magic people think John [TS]

  places one where it she and he walked [TS]

  onto the set and it was just like the [TS]

  star right you know and and I think he's [TS]

  I think he's born that out right [TS]

  yeah and I mean I grew up thinking about [TS]

  what you said that cuz I just definitely [TS]

  people like that in my own life where [TS]

  for reasons I cannot explain it was not [TS]

  it was not sexually was not intellectual [TS]

  it was not familial for no reason that I [TS]

  can quite put my finger on there were [TS]

  certain people that I was just I was [TS]

  incredibly IC attracted to but you know [TS]

  what i mean like magnetized to that I [TS]

  just want to be around all the time [TS]

  yeah like I want a piece of you go on a [TS]

  piece of whatever your thing is you know [TS]

  kid karisma maybe one way anything but I [TS]

  mean I I don't even remember I mean I'm [TS]

  obviously I'm trying to recall something [TS]

  that happened to me when I was five but [TS]

  i don't remember this guy particularly [TS]

  doing anything was executed for he says [TS]

  that he's a teenager it sounds like you [TS]

  know it wasn't like he was smooth or [TS]

  anything no I mean he had had it was the [TS]

  early seventies so he had kinda long [TS]

  black hair and he was wearing an army [TS]

  jacket but but half the guys in the room [TS]

  met description it was just that he was [TS]

  like you said he was magnetic in some [TS]

  way that at that young age I had no [TS]

  filter had no social filter that kept me [TS]

  from just saying oh well that's the guy [TS]

  want to stand next to and you know you [TS]

  think about all the social mean half of [TS]

  half of growing up is learning to [TS]

  implement social filters that keep you [TS]

  from making that terrible tragic error [TS]

  later in life [TS]

  okay here like walking up to something [TS]

  like can I help you [TS]

  oh uh yeah I yeah I just wanted to come [TS]

  stand by you don't really know why that [TS]

  is a life you know just sit here all day [TS]

  is obsession we're gonna do you think [TS]

  it's alright it's not sexual learn [TS]

  things that the sexual or just met [TS]

  magnetic this is that there's a little [TS]

  boy like that at my daughter school who [TS]

  I mean it goes beyond a crush like his [TS]

  feelings for my daughter are on like [TS]

  this other level and it's it's really [TS]

  weird like he always wants to like we're [TS]

  getting ready to go he went to like [TS]

  bring her things and talk about our [TS]

  house he sees an adopted kid from from [TS]

  china is like to learn English in like [TS]

  the last nine months like amazingly fast [TS]

  he's a fantastic like smart swell little [TS]

  kid and like he just cannot get enough [TS]

  of my daughter you know what i mean but [TS]

  I there's been so many people in my life [TS]

  like that you know and you you can't [TS]

  explain it and you look back and like [TS]

  right now I can hear you almost kind of [TS]

  struggling to describe from hearing [TS]

  right struggling to describe what it [TS]

  could possibly have been about this [TS]

  person [TS]

  yeah you found some magnetic yeah and [TS]

  and what's what's what's astonishing is [TS]

  that it's entirely possible that he went [TS]

  back to his village and got a job [TS]

  pumping gas at the airport and now he is [TS]

  60 years old he's lucky he's lucky he's [TS]

  six years old and easy might be sitting [TS]

  on an overturned Apple crate watching [TS]

  rachel maddow on a on a settlement TV [TS]

  like it's not necessarily so that [TS]

  anything amazing happened to this guy [TS]

  right there that he became like the [TS]

  leader of his people or anything he [TS]

  could just be a god [TS]

  yeah that's the thing it isn't like I've [TS]

  met famous people and it isn't that [TS]

  often that you meet somebody and they [TS]

  really are just a completely [TS]

  incandescent personality i know that [TS]

  there are people like that although [TS]

  Barbarino Barbarino had that effect [TS]

  right the first time [TS]

  welcome back kotter came on and i was [TS]

  obvious and it scanned the cameras scan [TS]

  of the room you're like who's the Goomba [TS]

  I like Ron Palillo and Robert edges [TS]

  where we're definitely disappear actors [TS]

  question you can tell they came from [TS]

  like a like Shakespeare background [TS]

  interactive absolutely hundred percent [TS]

  uh huh [TS]

  Shakespeare Shakespeare actors channel [TS]

  numbers that show dragged on way too [TS]

  long and and and then Barbarino left and [TS]

  they brought in that one guy who was [TS]

  always the replacement guy on TV shows [TS]

  he didn't have his on happy days [TS]

  the blond guy Skippy or whatever and [TS]

  you're not the one of the big glasses uh [TS]

  little kid that it showed up on happy [TS]

  days [TS]

  no no scrappy-doo yeah I think cousin [TS]

  Oliver [TS]

  a caller ya cousin Oliver yeah where [TS]

  does about Colby cousin Oliver showed up [TS]

  on happy days right yeah of course he [TS]

  did robbie rist retired punk rocker now [TS]

  where they're shown set in 1954 suddenly [TS]

  had a kid with the John Denver haircut [TS]

  and like point extra class alright let [TS]

  me start over [TS]

  um but good remember there's a very like [TS]

  a very special episode about her shack [TS]

  one ever was i don't think it was [TS]

  something about her just me all all very [TS]

  special episodes go through different [TS]

  strokes but always back to all in the [TS]

  family so I can't remember if it's like [TS]

  menopause or or rape or race but it was [TS]

  something there's something with Paula [TS]

  Trump allows character they were they [TS]

  explored Shakespearean background book [TS]

  see I don't need a Soviet the station [TS]

  gentle his condition thought the funds [TS]

  is another one like I'm really notice [TS]

  where I cannot return in my mind to a [TS]

  time when the funds i cannot remember i [TS]

  cannot get back into the headspace where [TS]

  the funds was the coolest thing in the [TS]

  universe because i have i have enough [TS]

  exposure to Henry Winkler and what I [TS]

  like like a soft like a sauce [TS]

  starting with the michael keaton movie [TS]

  but the night shift [TS]

  oh god no how about this you remember [TS]

  when Diane was on there what's her name [TS]

  Sally Struthers Johnny Martin what's [TS]

  your home like oh yeah I am a doctor but [TS]

  yea shoes is pretty cute in that mija [TS]

  again but against small cup little boy [TS]

  top but I was I was dunno you know who [TS]

  you know who is another one of my TV [TS]

  hotties Markie Post i'll come on i care [TS]

  i wrote I wrote night one of my very [TS]

  first song I ever wrote had Markie Post [TS]

  in it [TS]

  okay yeah a little poser is political [TS]

  song it was it was it was about the [TS]

  apparent differences between us and the [TS]

  Soviets well your songs have a lot of [TS]

  lyrics in them is very political John if [TS]

  you're looking to squeeze Markie Post [TS]

  into there was a kind of Russians love [TS]

  their children to know there was very [TS]

  little yoga or Tantrism it was but it [TS]

  was a it was a you [TS]

  not Dylan ripoff but it was one of those [TS]

  kind of like you know simple dessert [TS]

  every kind of Paul Simon ish you have to [TS]

  like listen songs you know i do any [TS]

  market post yeah no no back to Night [TS]

  Court when you're not my quilt but uh [TS]

  was denied a nation that shift [TS]

  yeah when that movie came out it was [TS]

  really the first film Henry Winkler was [TS]

  going to do after every shot graphical [TS]

  know he'd been in the one where he was a [TS]

  pro wrestler with a worm farm because i [TS]

  called the world's biggest loser what [TS]

  was that one movie remember that one is [TS]

  big like well of course Lords of [TS]

  Flatbush so as you know the Flatbush in [TS]

  1974 with it so that her sir [TS]

  no he wasn't Lords of Flatbush remember [TS]

  i still remember the TV at the logs up [TS]

  that package that posh posh PG cutting [TS]

  all this out lawyer big square pegs said [TS]

  we're square pegs that was a good show [TS]

  right now boy that she had she had a [TS]

  serious proportionally giant nose at [TS]

  that time did I thought she was totally [TS]

  cute i found her very attractive to [TS]

  thank you and tell them you felt totally [TS]

  different head lots of flowers little [TS]

  differently her head [TS]

  i Henry England's 1974 and that's kind [TS]

  of where they came up with the funny [TS]

  character which as you know in season [TS]

  one was going to be this kind of minor [TS]

  character people loved him so much etc [TS]

  but Henry Winkler sport I'm so sorry we [TS]

  know I but always came about my eye i [TS]

  just recently tweeted a little thing [TS]

  about pinky Tuscadero oh my god and her [TS]

  sister leather leather together in the [TS]

  states from other than what I what I [TS]

  discovered through the miracle of [TS]

  crowdsourcing because I was like [TS]

  whatever happened to picu Tuscadero that [TS]

  was a that was a pre models in your [TS]

  Larry King spits it was great [TS]

  Larry King spits it was great [TS]

  listen maybe later I'll get it give me a [TS]

  minute what's the name of that but [TS]

  through the miracle of crowdsourcing you [TS]

  go people told me the whole story you [TS]

  know is she paralyzed [TS]

  no is it an undecided go to verify my [TS]

  thought is another side of the mountain [TS]

  thing like she got the matcha crunch and [TS]

  now she's in a chair [TS]

  no it was a it was a situation where [TS]

  they loved that the audience response [TS]

  was so positive to pinky Tuscadero that [TS]

  they they they were going to make her a [TS]

  major character in the next season and [TS]

  all the promo ads in the offseason for [TS]

  the upcoming season of happy days they [TS]

  were really selling pinky Tuscadero well [TS]

  she's in all the ads and she's going to [TS]

  be a big part of the show you want more [TS]

  money [TS]

  no it turned out nobody liked her aight [TS]

  anything couldn't stand by the cast [TS]

  couldn't get along with the cast and the [TS]

  director she was like she was she was [TS]

  hard to get along with and so they wrote [TS]

  her out of the show and apparently more [TS]

  very recently she like she got sentenced [TS]

  sent to jail because she she fired a [TS]

  shotgun into her neighbors she I guess [TS]

  she her neighbor's car alarm was going [TS]

  off she probably has her reasons she [TS]

  fired a shotgun [TS]

  she shot her neighbors called pinky [TS]

  testing here I'm big it doesn't fucking [TS]

  there now see the poor thing now that's [TS]

  our file card on her like that was a [TS]

  thing she did for a few months in the [TS]

  seventies [TS]

  yeah but but that's something that's [TS]

  because you don't don't you feel lucky [TS]

  that there was that there was no YouTube [TS]

  then I mean like that that poor lady she [TS]

  got lucky enough Garry Marshall like [TS]

  said hey put this lady on the show let's [TS]

  bring her in [TS]

  yeah and and now she's pinky Tuscadero [TS]

  well but but but the thing that really [TS]

  resonated with me was that at that stage [TS]

  in her life how old she must've been 23 [TS]

  she gets she gets cast in the role of [TS]

  the tough girl in the in the pink satin [TS]

  jacket on the number one TV show in the [TS]

  country and for whatever reason either [TS]

  she's a little crazy or she doesn't [TS]

  understand how the world works and I've [TS]

  seen this happen a million times [TS]

  she doesn't understand how the world [TS]

  works and she acts bigger than her [TS]

  actual station you know she I'm sure she [TS]

  was she was being lame around the cast [TS]

  and she didn't realize that she wasn't a [TS]

  big star yet and that it was not [TS]

  appropriate for her to be a jerk and she [TS]

  blew it and she got written out of the [TS]

  show right-handed pinch forever after [TS]

  she's a footnote and you know and you [TS]

  think about like this person at 23 years [TS]

  old making what at i mean i can i can [TS]

  put myself back in my 23-year old mind [TS]

  and recall a time when I thought that [TS]

  success meant that I would be able to be [TS]

  a jerk to people and no one could be mad [TS]

  at me because I was successful [TS]

  like I legitimately suffered through a [TS]

  long period of feeling like the the [TS]

  reason to get successful but then you [TS]

  would not have to be nice but that was [TS]

  that was the only appeal it was not [TS]

  money it was nice to him on the way up [TS]

  because you're gonna meet again when [TS]

  you're on the way down [TS]

  yeah and i would rather hear those at [TS]

  people would say things like that to me [TS]

  and I'd be like that's just because you [TS]

  know you're not famous enough yet you [TS]

  don't know Marlon Brando didn't have to [TS]

  be nice to anybody right well you know [TS]

  it's not like Robert De Niro has to be [TS]

  nice to anybody almost there up [TS]

  apparently the narrow is nice to people [TS]

  although God knows why I think he's a [TS]

  little goofy probably well okay 10 and [TS]

  it was it was only it was only after [TS]

  many many years of not being successful [TS]

  then I realized that I needed to learn [TS]

  to be nice to people just out of this [TS]

  kind of a recent variation that's a [TS]

  fairly recent thing for you isn't it [TS]

  well last 10 years i was 30 years old [TS]

  and still not entirely convinced that i [TS]

  needed to be nice to people you want [TS]

  that nice when I met you [TS]

  well you know long as I have known you [TS]

  would let me just get a 69 now to 69 [TS]

  years old so how old was she in 1975 I [TS]

  can't do the math me neither [TS]

  she's born 43 so she would have been 32 [TS]

  something like that is the picture on [TS]

  her i'm sorry i did i did look at [TS]

  wikipedia [TS]

  picture for with the henry winkler 1976 [TS]

  I'm sorry you have heard me make a [TS]

  little noise a couple minutes ago [TS]

  let me see if i can find this on october [TS]

  twenty seven two thousand she was [TS]

  sentenced to 120 days in jail after [TS]

  pleading no contest to charges stemming [TS]

  from an August 22,000 arrest for hitting [TS]

  a man with her cane haha thinking mr. [TS]

  Garrow that's it for example can I [TS]

  wonder if it's a sword came but listen [TS]

  if anybody's listening to this program [TS]

  and you want to get me a gift sword cane [TS]

  yeah yeah yeah yeah I worry about these [TS]

  things I worry about the determination [TS]

  all of these things John I i was [TS]

  thinking I was thinking I was thinking [TS]

  of an event not that long ago where I [TS]

  was mean to somebody and I was like I [TS]

  was mean to somebody i'm still being [TS]

  mean to people how have I not how I know [TS]

  John everybody's mean sometimes I guess [TS]

  don't you think [TS]

  well but it now you're not made of stone [TS]

  you have bad days I suppose I'm trying [TS]

  to stop being mean you know one thing [TS]

  trying so hard but one of the things [TS]

  I've learned from jonathan coulton who [TS]

  is never mean to anybody's a pussy [TS]

  well see that's the problem you think a [TS]

  lot of that well-known a good way [TS]

  because i have accused him of being a [TS]

  pussy and you know what he says he's [TS]

  like yeah maybe I'm like that's the [TS]

  pussiest thing is that what how can you [TS]

  sit here and take this is like whoa whoa [TS]

  don't care of you came up maybe i'll be [TS]

  in my bunk but but but but everybody [TS]

  loves him and and he's a genuinely nice [TS]

  and thoughtful guy not thoughtful isn't [TS]

  like he gives you greeting cards but he [TS]

  thinks a lot he does think of when you [TS]

  ask him a question he very rarely unless [TS]

  he's trying to to like make a joke [TS]

  Jonathan will never of his own accord [TS]

  just shoot an answer to be fast [TS]

  you almost always kind of make a face [TS]

  and look up at the sky and think it's [TS]

  true i really admire that [TS]

  but you know he talked about somebody [TS]

  who has who has formed a cult around [TS]

  himself [TS]

  yeah which I have to say is not my goal [TS]

  is not my end goal that is not why I'm [TS]

  saying this but he has really more love [TS]

  to have [TS]

  cult around no no no no that the people [TS]

  that terrified me the most of the ones [TS]

  that agree with me [TS]

  how about if you could have a Collins [TS]

  and Darrell you but if you could have a [TS]

  color you get the hand tech who is in [TS]

  your cult but you have to vet them [TS]

  because probably the cult is you don't [TS]

  get to pick right he is the problem the [TS]

  mob [TS]

  you know i mean the mob because this one [TS]

  mind but if you if you have you got like [TS]

  five minutes with somebody to decide if [TS]

  they could be in your cult I I am I am [TS]

  embarrassed to say that one of my [TS]

  long-standing fantasies and this goes [TS]

  all the way back to seventh grade when I [TS]

  should have been at a part of a forest [TS]

  service trail building program but [TS]

  instead was it wendler junior high [TS]

  school in anchorage alaska and forced to [TS]

  sit in a room with a bunch of other like [TS]

  pimply-faced shitbirds all of us will [TS]

  just go back to your bedroom and [TS]

  fantasize about yeah we're walking we [TS]

  all had we all had 10 our boners and [TS]

  we're sitting in this classroom being [TS]

  taught algebra and it was during this [TS]

  point in time that I developed the [TS]

  technology of imagining that I could [TS]

  stop time because i was i was sitting in [TS]

  algebra class and I had three [TS]

  conflicting desires all of them and I [TS]

  remember thinking about this long and in [TS]

  a detailed fashion at the time I had [TS]

  three desires and they were all equal i [TS]

  could not prioritize one desire over the [TS]

  other and the three desires were a that [TS]

  I wanted to go to sleep I wanted to go [TS]

  back to sleep because I was very very [TS]

  tired had been forced to get up in the [TS]

  morning [TS]

  this is just a regular this is this is [TS]

  not ranked you're just starting [TS]

  practices that he wanted 1i am one of [TS]

  any of them was you want to go to sleep [TS]

  I wanted to go back to sleep i did not [TS]

  want to get up in the morning I did not [TS]

  want to go to school I was forced to do [TS]

  these things and now i'm sitting in [TS]

  school and I just want to go back to [TS]

  sleep so that is desire one and if I [TS]

  could stop time the first thing I would [TS]

  do is go to sleep time would be stopped [TS]

  so there would be no penalty is so [TS]

  practical I would sleep until i was done [TS]

  sleeping and then i would wake up and I [TS]

  would end I would have lost nothing [TS]

  the second thing the second thing I [TS]

  wanted was to see naked girls and if I [TS]

  could stop time i would first go to [TS]

  sleep and then this was my plan in [TS]

  seventh grade I would go through the [TS]

  whole school everybody would be frozen [TS]

  and I would move i think with a dolly [TS]

  sure I would move all the pretty girls [TS]

  that I wanted to see make it i would [TS]

  move them all to the gym and then I [TS]

  would that I would take off their [TS]

  clothes and I would see them naked and [TS]

  type time is still frozen in time is [TS]

  frozen [TS]

  ok so i would have time to put their [TS]

  clothes back martyr who delivered them [TS]

  back to their classrooms with the be a [TS]

  dollar whatever method I mean let's be [TS]

  honest I mean this might this might take [TS]

  four or five days to register and try to [TS]

  get them all the way back in like with [TS]

  the pencil in their hand every time will [TS]

  stop so and this was a long time before [TS]

  it occurred to me that I would ever [TS]

  actually have sex i had no interest in I [TS]

  did not understand how it well you [TS]

  certainly couldn't have sex with [TS]

  somebody without their consent so that [TS]

  was off the table [TS]

  I just wanted to see them without their [TS]

  clothes on it was a simple it was a [TS]

  simple man doesn't seem that complicated [TS]

  it wouldn't it wasn't that complicated [TS]

  and if I edit if I could go back in time [TS]

  and talk to myself that I would say hey [TS]

  listen there's a better way to do this [TS]

  then stopping time and moving them all [TS]

  to the gym but it may take you a couple [TS]

  of tries [TS]

  I can't wait for three number three was [TS]

  that had I will I wanted chocolate chip [TS]

  cookie [TS]

  and no particular order all all three [TS]

  designers were equal but I but after i [TS]

  had slept and I just seeing all these [TS]

  girls naked [TS]

  uh-huh then I could eat i could find and [TS]

  eat as many chocolate chip cookies at [TS]

  one time to stop that was gonna stop you [TS]

  I'm it stopped and then i would start [TS]

  time again and no one no one would [TS]

  notice the girls might feel like why are [TS]

  my pants on backwards that's a result of [TS]

  course all the cookies and web my leg [TS]

  warmers and Ron somewhere somewhere in [TS]

  the town there would be some like like [TS]

  large woman in a chef's hat that was [TS]

  like what we're all the cookies go [TS]

  replace John Rutter looks arrested but [TS]

  but that was how that was how I was [TS]

  going to use the most powerful powerball [TS]

  you shouldn't you should have been [TS]

  building trail really i had no business [TS]

  being with you and being really worn out [TS]

  by the end of the day [TS]

  yeah you know you want you mind if I you [TS]

  might have had that dream but you [TS]

  wouldn't have remembered it because you [TS]

  would have Treasury you know what you're [TS]

  going to get good sleep when you cut [TS]

  trail [TS]

  let's be honest yeah you want to do when [TS]

  you want my other day dream in that same [TS]

  era was that the Russians invaded and [TS]

  that all the sudden we looked out of [TS]

  their classrooms and the and the the gym [TS]

  was full of like paratroopers allow red [TS]

  dawn [TS]

  although this cluster at done although [TS]

  this fantasy was a long time before red [TS]

  dawn I think I'd be a welder who danced [TS]

  haha no I had I had presage to the I [TS]

  provisions the 0 is your IP that was [TS]

  that you can help with that because we [TS]

  were in Alaska with the Russians were [TS]

  like well the Cold War here they came [TS]

  that you are right there you you guys [TS]

  for the front yard of america that's [TS]

  right and I imagine that the arms full [TS]

  of paratroopers and then all the kids [TS]

  got up and started screaming we all ran [TS]

  again to the gym because that's where [TS]

  you went and in my fantasy I was put in [TS]

  charge because I was [TS]

  the Civil Air Patrol had the training [TS]

  and i have the training you you'd help [TS]

  like direct parking at likes counting [TS]

  the hours that I that I would you know [TS]

  that i would i would form the students [TS]

  into into troops we're doing very well [TS]

  be a very brief training session because [TS]

  the Russians would be in the parking lot [TS]

  but we would mount a defense but you [TS]

  would have time to get them basic if you [TS]

  like marching orders and then give them [TS]

  the appropriate amount of encouragement [TS]

  and direction so that they could go and [TS]

  fight back that the Reds right but [TS]

  officially but you would you would know [TS]

  you would know in that moment other [TS]

  people are losing their heads but she [TS]

  would have the focus to know how to [TS]

  bring this trips together even those [TS]

  those those young scrappy unseasoned [TS]

  troops [TS]

  yeah I have the training and also most [TS]

  of the time i was wearing a flight suit [TS]

  on the move and yet here we are again [TS]

  you're like a kind of spider-man 2 here [TS]

  and really always ready and and you know [TS]

  and I feel like I feel like by hook or [TS]

  by crook the long way around now Merlin [TS]

  you and I are our we're actually in a [TS]

  position where we have a high school gym [TS]

  full of confused students and we have [TS]

  the opportunity and a few brief moments [TS]

  every week to form them into hardened [TS]

  shock troops to defend not against [TS]

  Russian paratroopers but against Snorks [TS]

  what is that the candy normals oh god [TS]

  you've been preparing your whole life [TS]

  for this moment there's so many [TS]

  scenarios that you have gone through in [TS]

  your head you know i'm sitting around [TS]

  looking at garter belts and you're [TS]

  figuring out how we're gonna beat the [TS]

  Russians yeah i just gotta have wasted [TS]

  so many fantasies I just got a text from [TS]

  a friend who is at a local option down [TS]

  in renton and his text just says you [TS]

  missed the guns who so bright and early [TS]

  light by the black people moved right oh [TS]

  well among other things written is the [TS]

  town to the south where all you're [TS]

  suggesting that I think the way that's [TS]

  where a lot of people who can [TS]

  pushed out like rising prices they [TS]

  couldn't keep up with the property taxes [TS]

  they got a ring [TS]

  yes that's correct the guns they left [TS]

  guns the town that that our town made it [TS]

  used to be used to be a town that a [TS]

  drugstore and hardware store and now [TS]

  it's just a town it's just one of those [TS]

  guys think ahh yes that's selling John [TS]

  Mellencamp salons [TS]

  yeah there's there's like a remote [TS]

  there's rrc modeling store on Main [TS]

  Street though you know what I mean like [TS]

  if an RC modeling store is on Main [TS]

  Street [TS]

  yeah it opens up at the old mall on the [TS]

  outskirts of town that's your town is [TS]

  dead [TS]

  yeah Wow chocolate chip cookies [TS]

  that's right up there and I swear to you [TS]

  right now if there was a there was a [TS]

  naked girl sitting on my couch and a bag [TS]

  of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies [TS]

  i would still be torn but you stopped [TS]

  time you don't have to choose you know [TS]

  what I think I think right now I would [TS]

  probably go to sleep first [TS]

  really grown [TS]