The Incomparable

182: Full-Fledged Force Mullet


  this episode of the incomparable is [TS]

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  everybody before we get started I want [TS]

  to tell you about something new that [TS]

  we're doing we're not playing Dungeons [TS]

  and Dragons on episodes of the [TS]

  incomparable anymore we move them to [TS]

  their own podcast check it out it's [TS]

  called total party kill you can get more [TS]

  information and subscribe by visiting [TS]

  the incomparable dot-com / tpk [TS]

  the incontrovertible number 182 [TS]

  february2014 well here we are again did [TS]

  I call this meeting of the incomparable [TS]

  Star Wars Club to order we went through [TS]

  the original movies we went and watched [TS]

  episode one we let a reasonable amount [TS]

  of time lapse so that we could recover [TS]

  and we're back to talk about star wars [TS]

  episode episode I should let me let me [TS]

  punch with this properly Star Wars dash [TS]

  episode to Roman numeral colon [TS]

  attack of the clones right I think [TS]

  that's the right way to to get official [TS]

  title i got a wrong last time so I'm [TS]

  making sure I get it right this time and [TS]

  just to explain we would like to talk [TS]

  about star wars we did two episode [TS]

  chunks about each of the original three [TS]

  movies and then by popular demand they [TS]

  asked us to talk about [TS]

  I you listeners asked us to talk about [TS]

  the prequels which were which we denied [TS]

  all knowledge of before 1i listeners [TS]

  one-night-only we bring it back and we [TS]

  talked about it and so that leads us to [TS]

  this unfortunate moment which is what we [TS]

  watch Star Wars Episode two and now [TS]

  we're going to talk about it [TS]

  I want to I want to leave some warnings [TS]

  right here which is although we love [TS]

  Star Wars especially the original [TS]

  trilogy of prequels we don't love so [TS]

  much and although we try not to do whole [TS]

  episodes about things we know we're [TS]

  gonna hate be just to destroy them every [TS]

  now and then catharsis is good for the [TS]

  soul i believe and that's I think what [TS]

  you're probably going to here tonight is [TS]

  some some catharsis about a movie that [TS]

  we don't like although you never know [TS]

  Monty might say the things are there me [TS]

  my blow our minds with things that he [TS]

  likes about it i think it's unlikely [TS]

  might not do it might have created some [TS]

  other insane an unlikely backstory to [TS]

  make it all better for himself so let me [TS]

  introduce the the participants here [TS]

  before we get started [TS]

  skewered you heard Steve let's hi Steve [TS]

  hi Jason you watch the movie can we [TS]

  confirm that I i think i did alright i [TS]

  saw you get started actually with her in [TS]

  little pieces over yes I took me three [TS]

  it took me three nights and it felt like [TS]

  about 30 that's the worst Hanukkah ever [TS]

  all right as i will as i will discuss [TS]

  later it's a [TS]

  I have difficulty remembering this film [TS]

  so all right well do your best you can [TS]

  make for you I'll do it again [TS]

  alright i took extensive notes and until [TS]

  they turn into just horrible filthy [TS]

  scrolling is at the end of the list and [TS]

  i should be able to work from the right [TS]

  that it's it's never a good sign when [TS]

  you start with detail the film criticism [TS]

  notes and it ends in a suicide note [TS]

  yeah never a good son Monty actually is [TS]

  also here hi Monty by Jason good to have [TS]

  you here and to be here and he required [TS]

  me watching this may be there we go okay [TS]

  Dan more in you I believe watch this [TS]

  just moments ago flophouse style before [TS]

  the recording of this podcast is that [TS]

  correcting deed for the first time in 12 [TS]

  years [TS]

  wow that's good and they haven't seen it [TS]

  since i saw it in the theater so thanks [TS]

  for reminding me yeah thank you for your [TS]

  commitment to the podcast is what i have [TS]

  to say i am going to be committed at the [TS]

  end of this podcast that may also be [TS]

  true [TS]

  serenity Caldwell I believe also joined [TS]

  you for this fine squeak screaming right [TS]

  before we begin recording hello [TS]

  unfortunately yes hello Jason I always [TS]

  watching with somebody [TS]

  yeah I you know is I'd watch them [TS]

  watching this movie when it came out in [TS]

  2002 was I think a much better [TS]

  experience for me and I'm really [TS]

  watching it tonight but there was snark [TS]

  involved tonight so it was a little bit [TS]

  better [TS]

  that's good and of course you wouldn't [TS]

  miss one it's john siracusa hello i [TS]

  guess i can add another data point to [TS]

  this experiment and say that I to took [TS]

  three separate occasions to make it [TS]

  through this movie took two for me I i [TS]

  had to break right I rip the band-aid [TS]

  off and did in one good job [TS]

  well okay so I i have a little bit of a [TS]

  synopsis here in my notes that like I [TS]

  said trails off into sadness at the end [TS]

  or trails often incoherence at the end [TS]

  it starts really with sadness and goes [TS]

  from there [TS]

  but before I do I would like to ask if [TS]

  anybody particularly John Syracuse has [TS]

  any opening remarks as we often like to [TS]

  do especially for star wars episodes [TS]

  John do you have any room works i do [TS]

  have a very brief opening statement [TS]

  right I've heard the dan moore and also [TS]

  as well as well so he can go after me if [TS]

  you would like I don't already sent them [TS]

  very generous thank you job [TS]

  alright so i'm going to start with a [TS]

  brief review of my theory of the meta [TS]

  failure of the Star Wars prequels this [TS]

  is a repeat of anyone who has listened [TS]

  to the Phantom Menace episode this is [TS]

  just a quick summary of that so to recap [TS]

  that the reason these movies exist is to [TS]

  explain how Luke's father became Darth [TS]

  Vader because that's what we all want to [TS]

  know after seeing the first three movies [TS]

  and episode 1 didn't really do much in [TS]

  that regard to contribute to the effort [TS]

  towards my concern [TS]

  yeah it's my contention that the entire [TS]

  prequels the whole totally failed to [TS]

  achieve this goal and this is aside from [TS]

  their failings as an individual movie so [TS]

  that's the big bang theory but all that [TS]

  said going into episode 2 in 2002 i was [TS]

  actually cautiously optimistic for a [TS]

  couple of reasons about the second movie [TS]

  first I knew that Anakin will be played [TS]

  by different older and presumably better [TS]

  actor so thumbs up on that different [TS]

  second so much for presuming a sensible [TS]

  episode 2 was rumored to be darker than [TS]

  episode 1 and I figured she's after all [TS]

  that jar stuff darker has got to be [TS]

  better right at the best action scene in [TS]

  episode one was the lightsaber battle at [TS]

  the end and episode to promise to have [TS]

  more lightsaber battles Anna I sale this [TS]

  basically to explain that I wouldn't [TS]

  episode 2 I didn't go into a determined [TS]

  to hate it i went in thinking you could [TS]

  still turn this thing around [TS]

  I knew it was a three-episode trilogy [TS]

  with the first one was crummy but maybe [TS]

  to win three will be better so I had no [TS]

  preconceived notions I was willing to [TS]

  believe at this point and I think the [TS]

  rest of the podcast will talk about how [TS]

  my hopes were dashed alright good table [TS]

  setting their damn or would you like [TS]

  anything I i just had a short short list [TS]

  which includes let's see robots [TS]

  spaceships lightsabers political [TS]

  intrigue it elicits love affairs clones [TS]

  and only George Lucas could take all of [TS]

  these things put them in a single movie [TS]

  and make it so boring but you want to [TS]

  fall asleep or else your list didn't [TS]

  have death-sticks on it was that just an [TS]

  oversight [TS]

  no death-sticks reading challenge cuts [TS]

  what's the opposite of political [TS]

  intrigue is it political out tree good [TS]

  because that's what this movie had it [TS]

  yeah well we can start with the kraal [TS]

  can't leave because I quality where I [TS]

  was indicative yeah you have divided [TS]

  before you get there i have a refocusing [TS]

  statement myself oh my goodness yes this [TS]

  is this is as exciting as the Imperial [TS]

  Senate passing resolutions that are [TS]

  nominated by George are being opening [TS]

  statement the podcast don't get too [TS]

  excited [TS]

  dan yield the floor to refer know I know [TS]

  I i just wanted to that was sort of my [TS]

  nice little bitty rabbit but i agree [TS]

  with everything my esteemed colleague [TS]

  from siracusa that Ramu ok Steve you may [TS]

  go ahead [TS]

  this is more really the form of a [TS]

  disclaimer I this is absolutely true [TS]

  when I watched this movie it was several [TS]

  years after everybody else had already [TS]

  seen it and trashed it and I've seen [TS]

  episode 1 and thought okay well that's [TS]

  some crap but it you know it's semi [TS]

  entertaining and so I sat down to watch [TS]

  this I was on i think i was on a trip [TS]

  somewhere on for business sat down to [TS]

  the laptop watched it you know got [TS]

  through it and then a week later I was [TS]

  somewhere else in another hotel and I [TS]

  looked at the DVD and i realized i watch [TS]

  this week ago and I have absolutely no [TS]

  recollection of anything that happened [TS]

  in this film that is absolutely true [TS]

  two-and-a-half hours of my life were [TS]

  just gone [TS]

  I knew something must have happened [TS]

  during that time I had sort of a vague [TS]

  sense that there had been explosions and [TS]

  and sand but the specific I was a lot [TS]

  like a cup party back in college that I [TS]

  was thinking not unlike that at all [TS]

  except not only so far from the roof [TS]

  like fell on your head as you exited the [TS]

  theater and yes that might well yeah it [TS]

  was really like tiles were falling on my [TS]

  head throughout the entire viewing some [TS]

  of us could only wish that I'll had [TS]

  following months after this movie idea I [TS]

  don't know if I would take a concussion [TS]

  normally but it's looking good this is [TS]

  graham ok let's start with the crawl and [TS]

  when do you have any comments about the [TS]

  crawl i only have a couple notes there [TS]

  so yeah my my big note about the crawl [TS]

  is the only exciting words in that [TS]

  entire thing or army which they also i [TS]

  think happened to be both [TS]

  folded and everything else there Bob [TS]

  love oh blah blah blah limited Jedi [TS]

  numbers [TS]

  blah blah blah zenit my favorite part is [TS]

  blah blah blah [TS]

  Count Dooku yeah blah blah i would like [TS]

  is that you know when there's nothing [TS]

  better than then introducing a pivotal [TS]

  character being performed by a legendary [TS]

  actor by mentioning him as if you know [TS]

  who he is in the crawl involving [TS]

  bureaucracy and then not reply with your [TS]

  two hours [TS]

  well and then naming him something like [TS]

  Count Dooku so did anybody ever has [TS]

  anyone ever seen rocky doodle because I [TS]

  feel like there's a character named like [TS]

  Count Dooku or count Dukas or something [TS]

  like that and that is always stuck with [TS]

  me [TS]

  it's the nickname for receives cat one [TS]

  Wanda cool tool towards cools my note on [TS]

  the crawl was that I was excited up [TS]

  until the phrase a separatist movement [TS]

  which is for a way to describe a [TS]

  rebellion they could come up yes [TS]

  yeah like going in with expectations of [TS]

  like oh this the second one could be [TS]

  better you gotta hand is George Lucas he [TS]

  wasted absolutely no time and [TS]

  immediately dissuading me from the [TS]

  notion that this movie busy going to be [TS]

  different and I like the first sentences [TS]

  there is unrest and the Galactic Senate [TS]

  it's like a lot but not even a sentence [TS]

  I don't even get a sentence to think [TS]

  that maybe this was going to be [TS]

  different you go right for the Senate it [TS]

  turns out there's food poisoning even [TS]

  the universe is in peril [TS]

  there was no mention of taxation or [TS]

  trade routes this time [TS]

  yeah so but senators would like there is [TS]

  unrest is fine in the Galactic now don't [TS]

  say it's okay I think we're supposed to [TS]

  be excited when the Trade Federation [TS]

  guys show up near the end of the movie [TS]

  like Georgia has no idea what people are [TS]

  nostalgic for at all no yes new can [TS]

  raise those guys [TS]

  oh I hate those guys I just like that [TS]

  George Lucas looked at the first movie [TS]

  Ghost that's pretty low bar at i think i [TS]

  can get under that we're not playing a [TS]

  game of window darn it [TS]

  the separatist movement i mean this is [TS]

  this is the first off with it with the [TS]

  crawl is supposed to do is like get you [TS]

  excited about what's to what's to come [TS]

  and instead [TS]

  it's like trying to fill in lots of [TS]

  stuff that that is the trajectory that [TS]

  this film is trying to take us on except [TS]

  it's starting [TS]

  believe it or not it's starting later [TS]

  than it would have liked to eight get it [TS]

  seems to me that another hour of [TS]

  separatists arguing for a partition of [TS]

  the Empire in the Senate is a really [TS]

  well George Lucas wants to talk about [TS]

  here because ultimately is this not [TS]

  right that this this story is a [TS]

  slow-motion car crash but it really is [TS]

  just like hey what if there were lots of [TS]

  political imaginations behind it seems [TS]

  that led to a dictatorship [TS]

  okay I get it but um it's not [TS]

  interesting [TS]

  it's it's a story that has happened in [TS]

  history and you could tell it but it's [TS]

  not interesting and in the count dooku [TS]

  thing [TS]

  introducing him in the crawl you know [TS]

  it's just it just seems like a waste [TS]

  plus it's never clear later in the movie [TS]

  about the whole separatist movement and [TS]

  why they exist other than as a ploy [TS]

  churches what are they doing [TS]

  who are they why do they want to have a [TS]

  droid army [TS]

  why is the separatist movement made up [TS]

  entirely of businessmen except as a spin [TS]

  there's also that robot guy who they're [TS]

  at their robot business with the knobs [TS]

  on robot businesses with a with a night [TS]

  of the talking speaking spell from the [TS]

  tango yeah it's kind of like the father [TS]

  on the meters in I feel confident saying [TS]

  that this movie might have been better [TS]

  if the first two hours had been a crawl [TS]

  then there's like half an hour of like [TS]

  action at the end [TS]

  yeah that's how it's very it's certainly [TS]

  crawled i'll get there there are people [TS]

  who can make interesting movies and [TS]

  television shows out of political [TS]

  machinations but you have to kind of go [TS]

  the game of thrones route if you want to [TS]

  do that [TS]

  like who's yeah I guess lots of nudity [TS]

  is beyond all there's a fair amount of [TS]

  like a hinted duty in this movie anyways [TS]

  address buddy I'm there is midriff there [TS]

  is major and claws but no I mean there [TS]

  are hints that in this terrible train [TS]

  wreck of a movie there could have been [TS]

  something cool like the the lego the [TS]

  lego star wars version of this movie is [TS]

  perfectly fine right [TS]

  in fact i had i advise you to watch that [TS]

  instead of this [TS]

  I don't know about the lego star wars [TS]

  version of looking for I've never played [TS]

  the lego star wars yells I was thinking [TS]

  about that while watching this game and [TS]

  while watching pirates of the caribbean [TS]

  to that I watched yesterday there's [TS]

  lousy seems that I feel more charitable [TS]

  towards because I enjoyed playing a LEGO [TS]

  version it's a LEGO version was much [TS]

  much much better with the LEGO version [TS]

  is probably don't have terrible dialogue [TS]

  alright so we all made it through the [TS]

  crow we all survived i think all of the [TS]

  crawl is my first experience of going [TS]

  like is the the kraal they go through [TS]

  the car almost like you said it's [TS]

  setting you up for like the first scene [TS]

  of the movie and as I'm watching the [TS]

  crawl and being disgusted by whatever I [TS]

  go you know what I have no recollection [TS]

  of what they were trying to set up like [TS]

  you know that they're trying to set up [TS]

  something the scene is when economic [TS]

  dollar the senator whatever comes on the [TS]

  planet in her thing and and gets bombed [TS]

  right and what they were trying to set [TS]

  up there was supposed to be this vote [TS]

  and she was coming there to vote on and [TS]

  I had no recollection of that like boys [TS]

  I can't remember the promise of the [TS]

  first scene [TS]

  yeah this is this is not gonna be good [TS]

  and I like as I kept watching the movie [TS]

  i'm like it's just all with that alien [TS]

  guy with the forearms like seriously I [TS]

  had talked to some sort of end-user [TS]

  array that comes to have this move it [TS]

  makes you forget everything about it [TS]

  maybe it's like your brain protecting [TS]

  itself [TS]

  yeah it's it's like what happens when [TS]

  you're when you're reading something [TS]

  really boring and you suddenly realize [TS]

  that you stopped actually processing the [TS]

  word several paragraphs ago [TS]

  you're thinking about something more [TS]

  interesting yeah yeah speeders and [TS]

  clones are flying around and stupid [TS]

  things are being said poorly but your [TS]

  mind just checks itself out i just like [TS]

  even even focusing on [TS]

  I mean like Amidala that's a good point [TS]

  if the kraal was that that you know [TS]

  senator Amidala former formerly queen is [TS]

  on a desperate mission to save the the [TS]

  Empire from falling apart but she's [TS]

  under threat and has come here under [TS]

  heavy guard and try to make it like [TS]

  right like it's we missed a cliffhanger [TS]

  of an exciting thirties movie serial [TS]

  remember last time on star where yet her [TS]

  landing there and having the thing blow [TS]

  up and all that would be like oh you [TS]

  know what mission was she on and then we [TS]

  learned but instead it's like you know [TS]

  her mission is one little piece in this [TS]

  much bigger puzzle which may be true [TS]

  plot-wise but if you know will give us [TS]

  something we remember her vaguely from [TS]

  the last [TS]

  we can give can we hang something on [TS]

  that and then the calls are awkward at [TS]

  all the other movies as well but if you [TS]

  could sum up in like a sentence like [TS]

  empires like bad guys expecting the good [TS]

  guys good guys are hiding on snow planet [TS]

  like it and the next one is I that's are [TS]

  good guys trying to go get on soul he [TS]

  was frozen and the last movie will you [TS]

  notice the first the original trilogy [TS]

  the kraal always centers around the main [TS]

  characters like there's some big picture [TS]

  stuff but it always ends or begins with [TS]

  a main character i will these lies the [TS]

  rub because there is no matter what yeah [TS]

  there's no main character any the main [TS]

  characters of the prequels of a whole [TS]

  but especially episode 2 is the Galactic [TS]

  Senate and the Jedi Order there's no [TS]

  like we try they try and narrow it a bit [TS]

  like oh we should care about Anakin and [TS]

  obi-wan and Amidala and also Yoda and [TS]

  also the Jedi Council and also maybe [TS]

  charger like there's no centering force [TS]

  to any of this movie it's just a lot of [TS]

  tiny little vignettes that are supposed [TS]

  to string together and you're not quite [TS]

  sure how they all do which is [TS]

  inexcusable because again we're supposed [TS]

  to be learning ionic intensity darth [TS]

  vader and so you could write off the [TS]

  first movie but say surely now when we [TS]

  have an adult actor playing Anakin [TS]

  surely the focus will be on him how [TS]

  could it not be on him that's what these [TS]

  movies are about was like actually he's [TS]

  just kind of hanging around annoys you [TS]

  to illustrate this here's how have sowed [TS]

  fours crawl ends pursued by the Empire [TS]

  sinister agents Princess Leia races home [TS]

  about her starship custodian of the [TS]

  stolen plans that can save her people [TS]

  restore freedom to the galaxy and they [TS]

  cut from that to Princess Leia racing [TS]

  home aboard her starship with the stolen [TS]

  plans it flows in and tells you where [TS]

  you are supposed to this where I don't [TS]

  even remember how even the just the [TS]

  words are more days remember Army of the [TS]

  Republic yeah [TS]

  Count Dooku even count dooku doesn't get [TS]

  caps no no just the army of the republic [TS]

  and see if I can pull us past the call [TS]

  here after the crawl [TS]

  they you know they show the ship flying [TS]

  in yeah and everything and I was struck [TS]

  by like how the the CG and the opening [TS]

  scene you know they cut from that like [TS]

  the people walking out of the ship in [TS]

  line [TS]

  platform the CG and the audio in the [TS]

  opening scene looks better than the [TS]

  first live-action shot and that's [TS]

  something I would find myself thinking [TS]

  throughout this entire movie that the cg [TS]

  although it is a look [TS]

  it hasn't aged all that well you can see [TS]

  kind of like the rough edges invariably [TS]

  looks better to me than the live action [TS]

  shots and I think the live action shots [TS]

  are aging works so that the CD was like [TS]

  oh this could be cool that's nice [TS]

  visuals and I cut to a bunch of people [TS]

  walking around on a green screen thing [TS]

  I'm like oh yeah i forgot those with [TS]

  this movement it's not even the lights [TS]

  that are terrible to the compositing [TS]

  right like exactly what they're putting [TS]

  contrast with the cgi she couldn't [TS]

  figure out how to time it [TS]

  it's that the people never look like [TS]

  they're in the scene with whatever is [TS]

  flapping around a matter understand why [TS]

  because that like if anyone would have [TS]

  the technology to integrate them like [TS]

  the cg itself is very well done it's [TS]

  just I think there's something off about [TS]

  it and it you know it makes me wish the [TS]

  entire movie with CG like when the ship [TS]

  goes by I was thinking boy ben burtt [TS]

  still makes the best engine noise and [TS]

  then we cut to a bunch of people walking [TS]

  around the green screen like uh well on [TS]

  the other hand there are places where [TS]

  the CG is really really bad like I think [TS]

  on Kamino in particular the Camino and [TS]

  look ridiculous anytime you're gonna go [TS]

  two characters in this film they are [TS]

  inevitably going to look worse because [TS]

  we have to remember too that this is [TS]

  2002 right this is pre monsters inc pre [TS]

  hair revolutions in CG and 3d pre proper [TS]

  lighting engineering so they're still [TS]

  dealing with I can't remember the exact [TS]

  title term with it but they they [TS]

  basically are dealing with a much [TS]

  reduced kind of like a 256-color [TS]

  lighting spectrum to borrow like it [TS]

  they're dealing like with with the gif [TS]

  of CGI right now before they haven't [TS]

  gotten to like jpeg ER SVG maybe they [TS]

  maybe should've dealt with that by I [TS]

  don't know some practical effects [TS]

  hey you would think but I they want Yoda [TS]

  jumping around [TS]

  I have a note later that says the [TS]

  practical effects that were worse than [TS]

  both the CD and live actors at one point [TS]

  that it's rather have Anakin and and pad [TS]

  me getting out of like that stupid [TS]

  gondola looking thing later in the movie [TS]

  and that gondola thing looks to me like [TS]

  someone made a CG model and then someone [TS]

  looked at the CG model and made a [TS]

  real-life wooden representation of it [TS]

  and then they got out of the wooden [TS]

  thing it's like then the [TS]

  movie made from the novelization of the [TS]

  you-know-what yeah it's a little less [TS]

  because in the workflow it's it's two [TS]

  cycles through the end it just I was [TS]

  like that wooden boat is the worst thing [TS]

  I've ever seen in a movie [TS]

  it just looks dumb it looks fake it [TS]

  doesn't look like anything I've ever [TS]

  want to see and I was begging for it to [TS]

  be done in badlo red cg with bad [TS]

  lighting on it like that would have been [TS]

  a step up at least it goes away quickly [TS]

  and like they're CGI diner owner who's [TS]

  in the middle of the scrum forever [TS]

  well look we get there we'll get there i [TS]

  wanna i want to mention want to drag at [TS]

  least the so there's an assassination [TS]

  attempt after an entire movie of a Padre [TS]

  having did doubles that I couldn't tell [TS]

  apart even though it was keira knightley [TS]

  and not Natalie Portman but that you can [TS]

  listen to our episode 1 episodes for [TS]

  that and nothing really happens except [TS]

  there's a switcheroo at some point here [TS]

  in the very first scene it's like that's [TS]

  why she's got a double because her [TS]

  double is horribly killed in an [TS]

  assassination attempt while Padma is [TS]

  riding in the little like side ship and [TS]

  actually doesn't look like her [TS]

  yeah this double actually looks more [TS]

  like jimmy smits double she says I've I [TS]

  failed you senator don't know how did [TS]

  not recognize exactly what you're there [TS]

  for you right [TS]

  she might have failed her by telling not [TS]

  telling her to get the hell off the [TS]

  platform that wasn't she supposed [TS]

  they're very clearly herself not really [TS]

  in a disguise she's taking off for [TS]

  disguise and she's just standing there [TS]

  right where they just killed what they [TS]

  thought was hurt like hell oh and she's [TS]

  there for a very long time and this [TS]

  scene all MC and follows it also blows [TS]

  me away because it makes the Jedi seem [TS]

  completely clueless because they [TS]

  actually say well as far as we can tell [TS]

  these are some disgruntled spice miners [TS]

  back on Abu really angry spice miners [TS]

  why we have you clear everything going [TS]

  course and it would be so much easier to [TS]

  bum you like in space and at this point [TS]

  I started writing lines of dialogue and [TS]

  I find a lot of my notes from episode to [TS]

  our lines of dialogue just because i was [TS]

  just my mind bother them in that [TS]

  particular scene talking about the spice [TS]

  miners and here's here's padme's lines i [TS]

  love how she doesn't use contractions [TS]

  because that shows she's formulas is [TS]

  good we should just read the dialogue of [TS]

  this movie as a podcast tonight [TS]

  directions or instructions hairline [TS]

  do you have any idea who's behind this [TS]

  attack is a contraction at least and [TS]

  then they say the spice mine things and [TS]

  then she says I think that can Dooku was [TS]

  behind it [TS]

  okay great writing their own idea I [TS]

  think that I think that is countered [TS]

  that that is literally every line here [TS]

  there's no subtext [TS]

  yes again again with the text versus [TS]

  subtext even the sentence construction [TS]

  doesn't vary here almost I was counting [TS]

  the number of lines that are like I verb [TS]

  blank like I verb now I verb down I verb [TS]

  adjective i feel like it's almost every [TS]

  sentence for a period of maybe 15-20 [TS]

  minutes starts with every character [TS]

  saying I and only that but they're [TS]

  declarative sentences they're like I [TS]

  feel angry and upset yeah it's like oh [TS]

  you Europe the equivalent of pseudocode [TS]

  of yours in pseudocode you're not [TS]

  writing the actual computer code you [TS]

  want to do something just kind of [TS]

  sketching that vaguely ideas you know [TS]

  they're happening in Apple's behind [TS]

  andria and and they just they just took [TS]

  the pseudocode and I said but just have [TS]

  the people say that [TS]

  so you're thinking that maybe Lucas [TS]

  intended to go back into a second draft [TS]

  at some point all the George George [TS]

  these dialogues in brackets what does [TS]

  that mean why is it in brackets it's [TS]

  already headed to it later he was gonna [TS]

  give it to a writer and then someone to [TS]

  write the script does what he had it [TS]

  they had a writer [TS]

  they had a second writer on inhales [TS]

  right the great work with him on yahoo [TS]

  basically was like gasps sounds great [TS]

  George yeah I don't do much here let me [TS]

  do a couple typos corrections i'll just [TS]

  run spell check on it will be good [TS]

  we've got great actors like natalie [TS]

  portman you and mcgregor don't have seen [TS]

  did you not see episode 1i think the [TS]

  Count Dooku is behind it could not be in [TS]

  any other movie have you ever heard like [TS]

  in turn i think that blank is behind it [TS]

  like you can't say that in a movie you [TS]

  would say like Count Dooku or it must be [TS]

  Count Dooku somewhat like even those are [TS]

  clichés but something anything just [TS]

  throw me a bone but even those would [TS]

  sound yet even those would be more [TS]

  sonnets and the stupid I mean it sounds [TS]

  like it was written by a third grader [TS]

  really a line featuring Count Dooku [TS]

  sounds juvenile that the dialogue in the [TS]

  original Star Wars there's a lot of [TS]

  cliche dialogue that sounds like [TS]

  something out of a cereal right it's you [TS]

  know I sure did you sell it [TS]

  yeah with with all the all the all the [TS]

  stuff on the Death Star with leia and [TS]

  all that but it's it is and it's a [TS]

  reference and it snowing here it's not [TS]

  like campy or over-the-top it's [TS]

  non-existent it's just flat it's a [TS]

  blizzard gates and it's I really think [TS]

  it's more the delivery than the dialogue [TS]

  like [TS]

  well I was just gonna say what what is [TS]

  it what is it [TS]

  how do you believe that dialogue well [TS]

  because we agree the delivery is [TS]

  terrible and we create the lines a [TS]

  terrible but how do you apportion the [TS]

  blame [TS]

  well I think it's due Co if he's behind [TS]

  the script and I mean it depends you can [TS]

  you if you can produce this script in a [TS]

  way where you can make it actually sound [TS]

  like rational dialogue then it's the [TS]

  delivery but I don't think that's [TS]

  actually possible i don't know i think [TS]

  no matter who you put in those roles [TS]

  this is going to sound terrible because [TS]

  it will repel the guy who wrote the [TS]

  script also directed these people and I [TS]

  think the apportionment doesn't really [TS]

  matter [TS]

  oh yeah atlantis on one person i'm just [TS]

  saying like because there are a lot of [TS]

  terrible lines in the original trilogy [TS]

  and and you know great actors managed to [TS]

  sell them in hindsight but like I don't [TS]

  like another thing that I think could [TS]

  not be made better is when obi-wan and [TS]

  Anakin are coming up in the elevator and [TS]

  trying to share that tale about remember [TS]

  when I thought gundarks pit like it's [TS]

  you know what that seen this supposed to [TS]

  do is supposed to show us that they're [TS]

  these guys had some wacky adventures [TS]

  together and they're bonding fell into [TS]

  that nightmare master and then we pause [TS]

  for one breath and then laugh because [TS]

  remember and everyone says oh start to [TS]

  restrained in this film at least that [TS]

  was that keeps on giving my impression [TS]

  like you get Padme you get Anakin and [TS]

  obi-wan in that elevator scene where [TS]

  despite the fact that they have this [TS]

  somewhat casual dialogue and it's one of [TS]

  the few instances of casual dialogue [TS]

  they have they are both so it's like [TS]

  there's a wall between them and for all [TS]

  we know they could have recorded their [TS]

  dialogue and their appearances [TS]

  separately thanks to the magic of CGI [TS]

  Harrison Ford does more acting with one [TS]

  lean it's possible that hayden [TS]

  christensen is entirely [TS]

  computer-generated time to take a brief [TS]

  break so that i can thank ausable for [TS]

  its support of the incomparable audible [TS]

  is the leading provider of downloadable [TS]

  audiobooks and we have a special offer [TS]

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  anytime anywhere including on iphones I [TS]

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  so you not only get the chance to check [TS]

  out this great service you support the [TS]

  uncomfortable as well now this is the [TS]

  part where audible likes me to give you [TS]

  one of my book recommendations on [TS]

  audible and its Nexus by run as knob [TS]

  first book in a series but it's a great [TS]

  standalone novel narrated by Luke [TS]

  Daniels available unabridged Ramez nom [TS]

  he's a sci-fi writer he also writes [TS]

  nonfiction super nice guy and it's a [TS]

  really good book about a near-future [TS]

  experience where people have learned to [TS]

  hack the human brain and install an [TS]

  operating system that runs on and around [TS]

  your own neurons and gives people the [TS]

  ability to tap into the power of their [TS]

  minds and connect to other people's [TS]

  minds really really interesting book i [TS]

  was going to say mind-expanding but [TS]

  that's sort of what the books about to [TS]

  anyway really smart near future idea of [TS]

  augmented humanity i think it uh I think [TS]

  it's really worth your time it's [TS]

  available unabridged on audible and I [TS]

  think you should check it out [TS]

  nexus by run as nom on audible so get [TS]

  your free audio book it could be nexus [TS]

  it could be something else [TS]

  kick off your free trial go to audible [TS] slash in comfortable and [TS]

  thanks to audible for its support of the [TS]

  incomparable the Jedi also i have to say [TS]

  i couldn't imagine that the Jedi that [TS]

  being a Jedi Master a Jedi Knight would [TS]

  be boring but there's a piece of [TS]

  dialogue that really kills me early on [TS]

  here where they mentioned that they that [TS]

  obi-wan can take care of her and watch [TS]

  her [TS]

  he's just back from from a border [TS]

  dispute and I thought wow that is a [TS]

  terrible job being a Jedi Knight because [TS]

  apparently that's what they don't fight [TS]

  with lightsabers use the Force [TS]

  no you go again to the bureaucrats and [TS]

  other boarders be I think the river [TS]

  belongs to us no no [TS]

  half the river belongs to us well let's [TS]

  get the Jedi in here to deal with this [TS]

  well Jason the Jedi are keepers of the [TS]

  Peace not soldiers of course this is why [TS]

  the Republic has fallen because they're [TS]

  using their guys with awesome magic [TS]

  powers and lightsabers to deal with [TS]

  border disputes again meanwhile he's [TS]

  rotting from the inside out touring [TS]

  terrible job i'm just saying terrible [TS]

  job by the way this movie brings you out [TS]

  of this boredom is that all you think [TS]

  you think you're bored now you think [TS]

  that that scene where the elevator was [TS]

  too boring that sounds like that sticks [TS]

  up their butts just wait and again is [TS]

  gonna meet Pat me and he's going to [TS]

  start to work with his amazing like you [TS]

  grow until yeah so have you grown more [TS]

  beautiful I mean can we talk about the [TS]

  age discrepancy a little bit because [TS]

  this is very strange [TS]

  this is apparently ten years after the [TS]

  previous movie and and natalie portman [TS]

  doesn't look any older but of course [TS]

  Jake Lloyd is now hayden christensen [TS]

  she'll howls what she wanted me for [TS]

  great justice 1441 episode waters movie [TS]

  yeah she's supposed to be 14 [TS]

  ok she was elected as Queen at 40 she [TS]

  wasn't the youngest queen ever elected [TS]

  and how old is Anakin eight [TS]

  yeah he's got easy and please so it's [TS]

  legal it's weird I've got some real [TS]

  issues with the whole concept of an [TS]

  elected queen by the way [TS]

  yeah i was looking that up on Wikipedia [TS]

  while we were watching tonight because i [TS]

  was very unclear about the whole [TS]

  mechanics of that I'm like really you're [TS]

  elected somebody who's 14 to govern your [TS]

  planet she was in the Legislative youth [TS]

  program [TS]

  yes and then it's like the model un [TS]

  never do I didn't know we elected people [TS]

  from the model un to you know service [TS]

  governor of us turns out nobody else on [TS]

  the booze quote I have no problem with [TS]

  this because I always viewed this as [TS]

  being one of these really you know [TS]

  bizarre things that grows up over over [TS]

  thousands of years where there's [TS]

  probably something about how we're going [TS]

  to take our our most brilliant children [TS]

  before their unsullied by political [TS]

  connections and we're going to you know [TS]

  elect them as the Queen the queen is is [TS]

  is not a in in most times it's just a [TS]

  ceremonial figure because the guy with [TS]

  the guy with the goatee is back there [TS]

  doing the actual work right okay you [TS]

  gotta work all way to get that job yeah [TS]

  course setup that makes sense if she's [TS]

  she's clearly only a figurehead that [TS]

  makes perfect sense but it appears [TS]

  there's based on the first movie that [TS]

  she is the one and only government [TS]

  official on all of that was that was [TS]

  extraordinary circumstances just so [TS]

  later is one the one time it matter it's [TS]

  so lazy for there to be a two-term limit [TS]

  in the Constitution wait i should point [TS]

  out there actually are other are there [TS]

  are other levers of power in the form of [TS]

  her various body doubles because they [TS]

  apparently you have shots they couldn't [TS]

  win there yet when they're the Queen [TS]

  that's good because apparently they're [TS]

  being asked to sacrifice themselves not [TS]

  for the hereditary ruler but just for [TS]

  the fourteen-year-old that was elected [TS]

  for her first term as Queen it's serving [TS]

  the duty of my planet all should have [TS]

  been in the Legislative youth program [TS]

  not the decoy youth program here we are [TS]

  talking about political science again [TS]

  what is this movie done to us [TS]

  so going back to going back to the [TS]

  relationship thing for a second [TS]

  the age discrepancy I don't notice so [TS]

  much in this film because they both look [TS]

  very young and it's kind of like okay [TS]

  whatever but watching this film 10 years [TS]

  later I don't think I realized just how [TS]

  freakishly creepy the first half of this [TS]

  movie is in terms of lines and like I [TS]

  don't know I mean I got AI mean I was [TS]

  watching this movie with Dan and Dan had [TS]

  to walk out of the room a couple times [TS]

  because I was yelling at the television [TS]

  and I'm not usually a person who's like [TS]

  oh god that's you know that's really [TS]

  disrespectful or that you know seems [TS]

  like an invasion of a woman space but [TS]

  like the first half of this movie is so [TS]

  creepy [TS]

  Anakin is such a creeper will always be [TS]

  that little boy to me [TS]

  imagines that thing just their creepier [TS]

  Jason well no but that's not the creepy [TS]

  part of the creepy part of the way he'll [TS]

  ears at her he is the creepiest low [TS]

  yeah you're leering smirk the she [TS]

  doesn't like me watching her and no [TS]

  it's so gross ya know this Merc the [TS]

  smirk is the worst part makes her skin [TS]

  crawl [TS]

  it's so creepy you're exactly the way i [TS]

  remember you in my dreams pocket also [TS]

  write as h goes in for a kiss she does [TS]

  not respond at all she's just staring [TS]

  into the distance [TS]

  well yeah but it's okay for him to be [TS]

  creeper like I like when I was watching [TS]

  twilight you know it's like it's ok if [TS]

  he wants to be creepy because he doesn't [TS]

  being a bad guy right [TS]

  maybe he's creepy but that the center of [TS]

  this movie is not so much that he's [TS]

  creepy and annoying which I guess hurts [TS]

  the movie if you wanted to be likable in [TS]

  anyway because he's terrifying but that [TS]

  the premise of this movie is that [TS]

  respond yeah he responds to that I can't [TS]

  imagine anything that Anakin said has me [TS]

  presents being attractive to any woman [TS]

  that ever and somehow because the script [TS]

  because the script says oh she responses [TS]

  like oh yes that's totally a turn-on [TS]

  are you kidding me a turn-on been dying [TS]

  a little each day since you came back [TS]

  really not like everything everything he [TS]

  does everything you know he whines about [TS]

  obi-wan he's just full of complaints [TS]

  seems like he's a loser he is an [TS]

  annoying leering creepy loser and if she [TS]

  taught him a lesson and laid him low and [TS]

  had him realized that that he ki he [TS]

  needed to treat her like a real person [TS]

  that would be an interesting [TS]

  relationship dynamic but no you're right [TS]

  John basically what the lesson learned [TS]

  here is be a totally creepy dude and [TS]

  never give up being creepy and [TS]

  eventually your creepiness will be [TS]

  properly interpreted as love will come [TS]

  around [TS]

  yeah listen I cannot count the number of [TS]

  times i've walked into a bar and shouted [TS]

  they're like animals and i slaughtered [TS]

  them like animals and totally got like [TS]

  five phone numbers right this let's go [TS]

  out let me talk to him the way you talk [TS]

  to a child at one point when he's [TS]

  whining about obi-wan pad me says them [TS]

  that must be frustrating for you which [TS]

  is how you talk to children to like sort [TS]

  of acknowledge their emotions into like [TS]

  you know that's she treats him like a [TS]

  child because the acts like a child and [TS]

  during this whole time she's totally [TS]

  flat but again if you follow the pace of [TS]

  the movie or like we're supposed to [TS]

  believe that she is falling in love with [TS]

  him it's like that the real howler lines [TS]

  at the end of this movie about how about [TS]

  how much in love they are like yeah that [TS]

  the number of scenes exist where they [TS]

  could theoretically have fallen in love [TS]

  it doesn't happen [TS]

  in those scenes but at a pace it out [TS]

  like what ya their fortunes I mean [TS]

  obviously they had time yeah they have [TS]

  the scene we're talking a senior playing [TS]

  a scene where they kiss and a scene [TS]

  where they're married but the characters [TS]

  don't fall in love during those see ya [TS]

  if they have taken out even some of the [TS]

  creepiness like there's that there's [TS]

  that conversation they have skipping [TS]

  ahead a little bit in the freighter when [TS]

  they're heading home to Naboo on you [TS]

  know unregistered transit and that scene [TS]

  could have been very sweet and been like [TS]

  oh this is a you know it's it's strange [TS]

  how far we've come in 10 years and [TS]

  instead know the last line of that scene [TS]

  is your exactly how i remember you in my [TS]

  dreams leering look Padme looks down at [TS]

  her hands saying oh lord what have I [TS]

  gotten myself into this guy is going to [TS]

  be protecting me but she supposed to be [TS]

  saying oh I'm overwhelmed by how much he [TS]

  loves me and I find that such a bit i'm [TS]

  attracted him incredibly no no you're [TS]

  not but yet that's how that's how she's [TS]

  supposed to be acting there that he's [TS]

  winning her over with this well Jason's [TS]

  point earlier i think what's interesting [TS]

  is there's there could have been an [TS]

  interesting dynamic again with this this [TS]

  woman who was put in charge of an entire [TS]

  you know planet when she was a small [TS]

  child she was probably not interacting [TS]

  with other like people her age like [TS]

  again you could have done something [TS]

  interesting with him or her being like [TS]

  well she's been kind of sheltered you [TS]

  know when she's maybe kind of damage [TS]

  because she's had to do all this stuff [TS]

  that's really beyond her years that but [TS]

  no we don't go that way that too [TS]

  emotionally damaged people and i would [TS]

  think she seems so worldly that she [TS]

  would issue has been everything that he [TS]

  has to offer that she would find [TS]

  interesting she ruled the planet she's a [TS]

  senator she's traveling from planet to [TS]

  planet he's like he's just been isolated [TS]

  from his entire family apparently just [TS]

  doing the Jedi thing or disputes hanging [TS]

  out with everyone and arpit he would not [TS]

  be interested in him in any way [TS]

  yes so here's the thing i wanted to also [TS]

  mention that's why I slowly try to drag [TS]

  this forward that will have more time to [TS]

  talk about this relationship I think as [TS]

  we go in the scene before they the [TS]

  centipede attack [TS]

  there's a video game ever is a [TS]

  conversation we're talking Jar Jar as [TS]

  president they're all company and and [TS]

  the thing that there's a fascinating [TS]

  little shot that i wanted to mention we [TS]

  pitches they have there's a pause in the [TS]

  conversation and they cut to charge our [TS]

  who sits there and doesn't do anything [TS]

  and it goes for a couple seconds for its [TS]

  charge are sitting there in their [TS]

  silence and then they cut away and it's [TS]

  just it's it's maybe the best shot in [TS]

  the movie because i have no idea where [TS]

  that shot is there other than hey its [TS]

  charge our doctors here [TS]

  the kid was charged are but it's not [TS]

  like that with dialogue it's just silent [TS]

  of Jar Jar like and there throughout [TS]

  this movie there are some things that [TS]

  seemed kind of questionable in terms of [TS]

  just the competence of editing and [TS]

  directing movie where they're cut away [TS]

  so I'm like why is that cutaway there [TS]

  but the charger moment is the best [TS]

  alright time for our second sponsor [TS]

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  podcast ok centipede attack [TS]

  r2d2 is a terrible security would i have [TS]

  i have those exact words in my notes he [TS]

  is the worst security system ever mean [TS]

  to think about what happens in this room [TS]

  bright lights noise objects falling from [TS]

  the ceiling to the ground he can detect [TS]

  none of these things a toddler in the [TS]

  room would turn his toddler head towards [TS]

  the emotion and the noise and light [TS]

  aren't you nothing that doesn't even [TS]

  notice he's in sleep mode [TS]

  I don't know that he's worse than the [TS]

  two Jedi in the next room who are [TS]

  bickering well their target while [TS]

  they're like it but you're Jenny's Magic [TS]

  Man her right that should I they're Jedi [TS]

  come on your you didn't send two [TS]

  Schmucks to cart but they say he's a [TS]

  computer with sensors and rockets and [TS]

  stuff and yet I think the idea is that [TS]

  is he fell asleep or something or that [TS]

  because they didn't break the little [TS]

  beams he's admitting just look around [TS]

  it's the only thing moving with bright [TS]

  lights in the entire room how can you [TS]

  not know I mean the giant to their [TS]

  credit even though they're not in the [TS]

  room sense the danger eventually and [TS]

  jump in and killed the little worm [TS]

  things but there are two is fired wait [TS]

  okay wait I have to take issue with the [TS]

  way they kill them because when you have [TS]

  force powers you could just throw things [TS]

  against the wall instead you're gonna [TS]

  use a lightsaber and carefully choose [TS]

  from someone's face to slice it out of [TS]

  her hair was just trying to show off [TS]

  like that that if you're trying to look [TS]

  for some way the mannequin could do [TS]

  something that could conceivably be [TS]

  impressive maybe you could say [TS]

  demonstrating his jedi skillz x like [TS]

  floating stupid Paras around and stuff [TS]

  maybe that could be impressive to like a [TS]

  in a teenage girl who she's set up at [TS]

  the wrong home this story ends wait to [TS]

  see it but in a better way I think yeah [TS]

  we just put on a robot head i'm curious [TS]

  as to why it takes them Intel the [TS]

  centipedes are actually crawling into [TS]

  her hair to to sense it [TS]

  I sense it too for drawing Steve drama [TS]

  since 8th grade five seconds ago [TS]

  yeah but they're still pickering when he [TS]

  senses it suddenly the answer to every [TS]

  question you have steve is because it's [TS]

  in the script they sense that r2d2 was [TS]

  beeping his sleep cycle instead of being [TS]

  awake that's what they said it when they [TS]

  have Palpatine send Anakin to get pad me [TS]

  like the property is trying to do these [TS]

  things look at the puppet master he's [TS]

  gonna send this guy to get that guy talk [TS]

  to this guy and ask her about that and [TS]

  you're like it seems like oh it's this [TS]

  amazing plan is coming together but the [TS]

  only reason any of these things work [TS]

  like Palpatine's his little plan to send [TS]

  people to various places and he knows [TS]

  that person is going to be sent to [TS]

  protect her and stuff is because the [TS]

  script says so like that you couldn't [TS]

  set off I if I send obi-wan to protect [TS]

  her the Nobel on the Jedi people who [TS]

  decide to Nana can protect her then and [TS]

  we'll get together with her because I [TS]

  know the next movie like if you follow [TS]

  the steps backwards [TS]

  there's no expectation that they would [TS]

  have come out this way and the only [TS]

  reason i do is like the handset because [TS]

  the script said they should i am glad to [TS]

  see that there's a strong market for [TS]

  robots that their sole purpose is to [TS]

  dissolve holes in windows and then [TS]

  delivered the contents of a tube through [TS]

  them heroes its sole purpose for other [TS]

  things too it's it's I think that's a [TS]

  multitasking delivers death stare like [TS]

  r2d2 has like five functions including [TS]

  rockets [TS]

  yeah and apparently sleeping through [TS]

  guard duty is one of the so 100 be one [TS]

  in a as proving he's a man of action [TS]

  leaps out of the window into the open [TS]

  space grabs ahold of the of the after [TS]

  incidentally just spending the whole [TS]

  night lecturing Anakin on how they're [TS]

  just there to protect Padme yeah so he [TS]

  he obviously was convinced and he jumped [TS]

  out and then we get to see one year [TS]

  after mark monsters inc was released we [TS]

  get to see a replay of the door scene 4 [TS]

  monsters as he dangles from a thing and [TS]

  swings around in a large space and goes [TS]

  whoa does not get my car and exactly [TS]

  does never gets hit by car there's never [TS]

  anything but I was struck by how much it [TS]

  was like the door scene and monsters [TS]

  incorporated and then there's this penny [TS]

  ends up in a speeder chase this is all [TS]

  happening three-dimensional [TS]

  and there's cars everywhere and there's [TS]

  a whole chase happening and the notes i [TS]

  have here is it all seems really slow [TS]

  there's no wind that they completely [TS]

  lose the guy and then somehow are like [TS]

  he's over there and pick up the chase [TS]

  again which makes no sense at all [TS]

  there's a shortcut [TS]

  even though they're traveling in [TS]

  completely unfettered three-dimensional [TS]

  space [TS]

  yes there's a shortcut that leaves them [TS]

  several hundred feet higher and like a [TS]

  minute ahead [TS]

  so that's a really good shortcut i would [TS]

  like to complain about a line of [TS]

  dialogue here which was meant to be a [TS]

  light-hearted and airy and quippy it's [TS]

  when Anakin says oh you know master i [TS]

  couldn't find a speeder i really liked [TS]

  yeah I have to blame the director or [TS]

  somebody for not saying that line didn't [TS]

  work at all [TS]

  let's just cut it once more for safety [TS]

  please [TS]

  Hayden ya know that the director is the [TS]

  writer so you know he doesn't like [TS]

  anything claimed go ahead but like its [TS]

  it goes back to John's point about the [TS]

  first movie right [TS]

  this is the take they took you know [TS]

  George Lucas on it takes like nothing's [TS]

  gonna get me another one that's good [TS]

  let's use that one boy when it was a [TS]

  moment when the flying car because I [TS]

  mean guys course on City a planet that's [TS]

  just a city it's got layers of traffic [TS]

  you've got this so it's a super [TS]

  futuristic thing and you gotta chase [TS]

  scene and you've got a car that's like a [TS]

  hot rod flying car and and you need to [TS]

  go down a bunch of levels recklessly and [TS]

  so you're gonna you're just gonna go out [TS]

  of lanes of traffic and shoot down and [TS]

  you cut to the people who are doing it [TS]

  and it's like they're going through a [TS]

  tollbooth there's no wind [TS]

  there's no excitement it's like it's [TS]

  like dad let's me drive in the driveway [TS]

  on Sundays it's just I a blew me away [TS]

  that this is theoretically this should [TS]

  be very exciting and it wasn't exciting [TS]

  at all [TS]

  well they reflect the level of [TS]

  excitement that that I had and watching [TS]

  this is a better version of the scene go [TS]

  to start or is it is no way this is this [TS]

  is the problem that i have with [TS]

  remembering anything in this movie and [TS]

  and this is just one of maybe like 10 [TS]

  different sequences that are just pure [TS]

  action and its really it's because the [TS]

  movie is just basically a bunch of video [TS]

  game levels and they're strung together [TS]

  with really terrible cutscenes but like [TS]

  ninety percent of it is just crazy video [TS]

  game stuff flies around and goes boom [TS]

  and it just totally fails to make any [TS]

  sort of lasting [TS]

  pression mean there's even a conveyor [TS]

  belt season scene which is something [TS]

  that's been a videogame clichéd since [TS]

  before some of you were born [TS]

  there's no sense of any mass with this [TS]

  ship or like when somebody's eyes to [TS]

  jump out of the ship and plummet 500 [TS]

  miles and get caught again there's no [TS]

  danger to them why should there be [TS]

  danger to me the audience you know [TS]

  there's no feeling of even physics here [TS]

  that was a problem in the first movie to [TS]

  is yeah there was just no sense that [TS]

  anything bad could potentially even [TS]

  happen to these characters so what's the [TS]

  point yeah there's another issue I have [TS]

  with all these these scenes too and [TS]

  that's that so much of this chase in [TS]

  particular but it happens throughout the [TS]

  movie it's it's focused on showing us [TS]

  the cool fake buildings of khorasan and [TS]

  the chase its I mean like will be [TS]

  zooming in on some neon colored color [TS]

  book covered building for several [TS]

  seconds and then after we've been [TS]

  looking at that for a while you know [TS]

  maybe the bounty hunter will run to view [TS]

  of the top right corner but it's just [TS]

  we're forced to stare at these set [TS]

  pieces and the chase is just totally [TS]

  incidental i also don't after the [TS]

  shortcut he there's this really dramatic [TS]

  scene where he he's figured out how he [TS]

  could get her because because they took [TS]

  the shortcut and he jumps out and jumps [TS]

  out of the car and falls all the way [TS]

  down to her and it's perfectly timed you [TS]

  never get any sense that he's been [TS]

  timing it or that he knows where it is [TS]

  it does even I like I get the point of [TS]

  of it happening and yet it isn't set up [TS]

  properly so when it happens it's sort of [TS]

  like what how did that happen and then [TS]

  he he lands also i guess when they're on [TS]

  the ground they say that that that the [TS]

  bounty hunter is probably a changeling [TS]

  so there's your star trek cross over [TS]

  there Dan like odo yeah I appreciate [TS]

  that [TS]

  well did it which makes no sense at all [TS]

  because there's like one scene when [TS]

  she's driving the ship where you see [TS]

  you're like her face flickr slightly and [TS]

  then when she dies she turns into going [TS]

  to her natural floor why didn't you just [TS]

  stay in the natural form the whole time [TS]

  as aliens all over this planet [TS]

  why don't you just turn into any other [TS]

  form and walk away like that she has her [TS]

  little cloth mouth covering which [TS]

  chicken [TS]

  yeah protects her fake identity great [TS]

  it's definitely take that off in the [TS]

  middle of flying around why not wait [TS]

  until you've gotten lost [TS]

  obviously she thinks it's very effective [TS]

  because you kinda looks around behind [TS]

  her like she's making sure no one's [TS]

  looking before she takes it off her [TS]

  mouth [TS]

  I don't know there's just yet there's so [TS]

  much wrong with the scene in addition [TS]

  just the whole like the resolution of [TS]

  the scene with the we think the assassin [TS]

  was hired by a bounty hunter like how [TS]

  many layers of contracting are going on [TS]

  here [TS]

  you're a bounty hunter you don't need to [TS]

  hire an assassin to do this but because [TS]

  they keep increasing and competence look [TS]

  again when they try to blow off the you [TS]

  know the senator when she lands she's [TS]

  there you could just picture off with [TS]

  the sniper rifle like any of these [TS]

  people could be killed at any time by a [TS]

  twentieth-century sniper on this planet [TS]

  who just wanders around the battlefield [TS]

  and yet but with all the advanced [TS]

  technology like the best way to kill her [TS]

  is with worms can we get some worms into [TS]

  her room at the poison dart shot it [TS]

  wanted like you have a mile away by the [TS]

  master ground should pad me with that [TS]

  done and done [TS]

  where's Padme during this whole chase if [TS]

  he could just kill people as well as he [TS]

  commanded subcontractors he'll be fine [TS]

  he just hired two Assassin's the first [TS]

  assassin gets all the bodyguards chasing [TS]

  them halfway across chorus on the other [TS]

  one just has to get through george r and [TS]

  the in the handmaiden [TS]

  I do like the fact that when the poison [TS]

  dart get shot at the bounty hunter [TS]

  obi-wan takes the opportunity to pull it [TS]

  out look at it and say toxic Dart [TS]

  thanks thanks Toby you are ok you just [TS]

  skipped past what I think is the dumbest [TS]

  thing in all of Star Wars is the [TS]

  death-sticks it's the bar name of the [TS]

  person who set who is trying to sell [TS]

  death-sticks it's Elian sleazebag o Neal [TS]

  I'm a sleazebag know because he is a [TS]

  sleazebag that it actually manages to [TS]

  top Count Dooku that's pretty good [TS]

  aliens sleazebag no yes route bag and [TS]

  although i think if you look carefully [TS]

  in the in that bar scene you can see [TS]

  both anthony daniels and Ahmed best two [TS]

  plays Jar Jar as well as is and you can [TS]

  see Lucas's Lucas's daughter's in there [TS]

  twice i think they give her two shots on [TS]

  camera [TS]

  I just assume all of the younglings [TS]

  later on our Lucas's kids it's got [TS]

  Mykelti will appreciate this wherever he [TS]

  is it reminded me of the bar scene in [TS]

  Star Trek 3 which is an attempt to [TS]

  create an energy future bar scene like [TS]

  in Blade Runner maybe even the original [TS]

  star wars but in fact it is not that [TS]

  interesting and seems kind of corny and [TS]

  this reminded me of that [TS]

  yeah but there's a lot of blade runner [TS]

  esque imagery with neon lights and I'm [TS]

  surprised that people with umbrellas [TS]

  plateau panels but they came they don't [TS]

  mind right up to that line and so that [TS]

  you know that the most Eisley cantina [TS]

  reflections with like obi-wan cutting [TS]

  off someone's arm and the whole idea i [TS]

  give that like at least at least that [TS]

  that type of thing having only one in a [TS]

  bar and cutting off someone's arm at [TS]

  least that doesn't involve dialogue so [TS]

  we're spared their spirits one aspect of [TS]

  the terror that is this movie were [TS]

  spared a line if you're going like this [TS]

  will probably come up again someday [TS]

  so much of this movie is just mindless [TS]

  callbacks you'll be the death of me haha [TS]

  i did they tried to the scene where like [TS]

  they show that the assassin creeping up [TS]

  and you they try to make you think he's [TS]

  creeping up and can instead of creeping [TS]

  up and we want but like it's done so [TS]

  badly like that cliché just events [TS]

  there either way you don't get someone's [TS]

  creeping up to a door but it's not the [TS]

  door you think it is and he opens the [TS]

  door and you realize it you know that [TS]

  whole cliché I were talking about it [TS]

  Jason mentioned bad editing like it's [TS]

  just not competently done nevermind that [TS]

  we don't care about these people and we [TS]

  know how it's going to turn out there's [TS]

  no actual attention [TS]

  it's just not done well well it's weird [TS]

  too because it's one of the few we were [TS]

  pointing out watching it that it's one [TS]

  of the few first person camera shots in [TS]

  Star Wars if there are any at all like [TS]

  you get a perspective shot from Anakin [TS]

  as he's walking through the bar and you [TS]

  get these wacky sort of moving close ups [TS]

  which feel very unstar Wars like because [TS]

  we don't see that kind of camera work [TS]

  anywhere else it's very odd now in the [TS]

  bar scene we do get a nice window into [TS]

  the importance of the master to Padawan [TS]

  a relationship when Anakin tells ob1 [TS]

  that he thinks that this this person [TS]

  they're chasing maybe a shape-shifter [TS]

  and the solid Jedi Master advice it gets [TS]

  back is be extra careful that's just [TS]

  good writing again [TS]

  ob1 thanks a lot man that's what my mom [TS]

  says every time I hang up the phone with [TS]

  her [TS]

  be careful that's huge it did quite [TS]

  gotten tell you [TS]

  that is that how you get that's how we [TS]

  learn that no see I'm willing to give up [TS]

  we won the benefit of the doubt here and [TS]

  so like yea alright be extra careful [TS]

  then I don't know I feel I end up [TS]

  feeling bad for obi-wan most last movie [TS]

  he was just a whiny annoying pain but [TS]

  now [TS]

  Anakin has grown into that role and most [TS]

  of the time I feel pretty bad for [TS]

  everyone especially later on when he's [TS]

  talking about like you know mace windu [TS]

  and you're like yet and Anakin to do [TS]

  this thing is like guys he is not ready [TS]

  for that they're like nope sorry we're [TS]

  sending him to do this thing and I'm [TS]

  like wow so really wasn't will be once [TS]

  no yeah i'm always looking for like any [TS]

  sympathetic characters movie and we want [TS]

  is the closest to being sympathetic I [TS]

  think what you want a greater comes the [TS]

  closest to rising above the material the [TS]

  situations and everything else involved [TS]

  in this movie and trying to make a [TS]

  character that you perhaps have some [TS]

  pity for if only pity that he has to be [TS]

  in this movie at least he's now [TS]

  graduated from the Padawan rat tail [TS]

  yes admittedly it's to the full fledge [TS]

  force mullet but at least he doesn't [TS]

  have to carry that braid right hey that [TS]

  is in honor of qui-gon jinn ok let's [TS]

  pause for a moment you know there comes [TS]

  a time in every podcast life where it [TS]

  finally becomes a man and that is when [TS]

  you're finally sponsored by squarespace [TS]

  at times company and comfortable [TS]

  this episode is brought to you by [TS]

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  thank you so much to squarespace for [TS]

  making this podcast truly a podcast [TS]

  we're gonna do apartments for later and [TS]

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  Squarespace everything you need to [TS]

  create an exceptional website [TS]

  great can we do it briefly the diner [TS]

  scene i have one note about that with [TS]

  the totally superfluous fifties diner [TS]

  Lucas loves 250 remember we're not we're [TS]

  not up to the diner scene yet [TS]

  that's right after the the toxic Dart so [TS]

  they go back they go back to Amidala and [TS]

  then they had they have a they have a [TS]

  check in with the as another [TS]

  interminable see more people sit on [TS]

  couches lockwell so i wanted to mention [TS]

  that i actually took notes on this part [TS]

  so I'm get by gum I'm gonna get them out [TS]

  because they referred Amidala as the [TS]

  leader of the Opposition at one point [TS]

  which I am completely baffled by because [TS]

  now we've got layers within layers in [TS]

  the Imperial Senate what is she opposing [TS]

  she isshe opposing the separatists is [TS]

  she opposing Palpatine it doesn't look [TS]

  like it because she's got meetings with [TS]

  him [TS]

  what is she she had is she like in the [TS]

  blue political party and there's also a [TS]

  red political party and but there are [TS]

  around [TS]

  event because then there's separatists I [TS]

  don't understand why she's the leader of [TS]

  anything let alone an opposition that I [TS]

  don't understand from what I can [TS]

  understand and i'm basing this entirely [TS]

  off of the crawl and the little i read [TS]

  off Wikipedia Wikipedia it's the the [TS]

  bill that they talked about that's been [TS]

  voted on and committee for the last two [TS]

  years that she's flown to correspond to [TS]

  vote on that we hear about once in the [TS]

  crawl and then never again besides that [TS]

  she's the leader of the Opposition for [TS]

  this bill I guess that's why they're [TS]

  trying to kill her [TS]

  well yeah the bill itself i think has to [TS]

  do with creating a standing army and [TS]

  she's opposed to that which is hilarious [TS]

  because the clones end up you know [TS]

  that's why they talk they talked when [TS]

  she's out of the picture they can talk [TS]

  to charger into it which is part of the [TS]

  plot I just know it when you've got an [TS]

  opposition and you've also got a [TS]

  rebellion essentially the separatists it [TS]

  gets really confusing to throw these [TS]

  political terms around and and again but [TS]

  sometimes people to find these movies [TS]

  and say these movies for kids so with [TS]

  these movies for kids it's really too [TS]

  damn confusing because i have no idea [TS]

  what's going on here in terms of the [TS]

  politics at all my other notes here by [TS]

  the way are we get some really good [TS]

  crazy Amidala hair here which is very [TS]

  clearly like see this is where her [TS]

  daughter got it [TS]

  this is where the crazy hairstyles come [TS]

  from and i'm also in this seemed [TS]

  everybody keeps referring to how great [TS]

  Anakin is which i find fascinating [TS]

  because I up on the screen and he [TS]

  doesn't seem like he's that great at all [TS]

  and and that and that while they're [TS]

  playing him like he's somebody who's got [TS]

  this dark side who's going to come out [TS]

  that's always the kind of dream of the [TS]

  the star wars backstory is he always had [TS]

  this undercurrent in it it went horribly [TS]

  wrong [TS]

  I can't read them as anything other than [TS]

  just kind of a spoiled brat who doesn't [TS]

  like it when he doesn't get what he [TS]

  wants which is you know spoiled brat who [TS]

  becomes evil monster is not as exciting [TS]

  or interesting as person with a good [TS]

  core and a dark side that gets exploited [TS]

  but that's how I feel about it is that [TS]

  he just comes across as like a spoiled [TS]

  oh yeah [TS]

  don't look at me like that it makes me [TS]

  feel uncomfortable he could not find a [TS]

  speeder like okay okay i'll keep the [TS]

  leering at you and drooling this is the [TS]

  point that i wrote in my notes in your [TS]

  pre prequel Star Wars related daydreams [TS]

  when you wonder what Anakin Skywalker [TS]

  was like man [TS]

  especially that little wider even on [TS]

  your radar man [TS]

  your radar man [TS]

  I'm pretty sure it was a creepy stalker [TS]

  was definitely not on my radar it is [TS]

  really unloading a lot of crap about [TS]

  obi-wan padmé here [TS]

  yeah well especially after he keeps [TS]

  repeatedly telling everyone that you're [TS]

  like a father to me like again it's no [TS]

  more plausible in so it that that [TS]

  relationship is no more plausible than [TS]

  the relationship between human pod may [TS]

  really you know he says you're like a [TS]

  father me and yeah okay there's a little [TS]

  bit of that like oh I'm having gone [TS]

  through my teenage rebellion phase but I [TS]

  don't know I just I just don't buy it [TS]

  they don't sound like it [TS]

  you can't just yell so you can't just [TS]

  say that you're like yeah exactly [TS]

  show me this is like apologizing nothing [TS]

  on my way shows that stop telling me [TS]

  start doing something I do think it's [TS]

  interesting that that scene that you're [TS]

  like a father to me scene comes [TS]

  immediately before he goes and meets [TS]

  with Palpatine and Palpatine's like oh [TS]

  so you're really giving you your real [TS]

  position congratulations would be son [TS]

  haha me go [TS]

  haha don't mind this hood back here I've [TS]

  don't have it for any particular reason [TS]

  to style the hoodie they all the kids [TS]

  with me and mcdermott also putting in [TS]

  you know giving a game attempt to [TS]

  continue his role as Palpatine here if [TS]

  the only one who has a sensible [TS]

  character arc where he was the galaxy [TS]

  and many tries to do things to rule the [TS]

  galaxy aided by the ridiculous script [TS]

  that make all these plans come to [TS]

  fruition without any real effort on his [TS]

  part but it's clear what his motivation [TS]

  is is clearly is a bad guy so he's got a [TS]

  leg up on almost everyone else in this [TS]

  movie [TS]

  yeah i mean dan and I were talking about [TS]

  this what we were watching the end of [TS]

  the movie and if Palpatine's real goal [TS]

  is to play two sides against the other [TS]

  it would have been a lot cooler to [TS]

  actually see a lot more of his [TS]

  machinations in this film and in the [TS]

  prior film and really make it be like [TS]

  Anakin may have had some dark side in [TS]

  him but here is the man who basically [TS]

  corrupted him and destroyed his life [TS]

  while also kind of destroying the entire [TS]

  Republic like that's an interesting [TS]

  story right [TS]

  you'd have to come up with a plausible [TS]

  scenario for him to turn evil which they [TS]

  as we find out in third movie they never [TS]

  they never I never I never buy any can I [TS]

  never buy in turning evil one reason for [TS]

  Anakin to like start off as a sweet [TS]

  little boy [TS]

  I and somehow because you know they they [TS]

  never come up with any reason for him to [TS]

  be evil you sure he's whiny and creepy [TS]

  but like happy and because Darth Vader [TS]

  is not Leary he dark there has dignity [TS]

  Anakin has no dignity and how do you go [TS]

  like this no there's no path is no [TS]

  connecting between A&B it's just like he [TS]

  swept along by the script in a certain [TS]

  point they put him in the mask name [TS]

  anyway that's it so facile is the thing [TS]

  with the whole like when he had the [TS]

  political discussion with Padma about [TS]

  like someone should be in charge just [TS]

  tell everyone what to do [TS]

  yeah maybe not me but someone John I [TS]

  don't really believe that little bit and [TS]

  that person would decide what to do and [TS]

  that would work very well is it like why [TS]

  would she even like again this is [TS]

  supposed to be attractive who having a [TS]

  political discussions the politics right [TS]

  she's been a senator she's ruled the [TS]

  planet he must seem like the dumbest [TS]

  most night you wearing creepy [TS]

  uninteresting like they're there should [TS]

  be no attraction between these people [TS]

  and yet on the other hand the extent of [TS]

  her political savvy is to put jar jar [TS]

  and charged in our stead [TS]

  so he's newly elected representatives to [TS]

  maybe she didn't really put a whole lot [TS]

  of thought into this [TS]

  the I think some of the core problems [TS]

  with Emma can stem from and with with [TS]

  Palpatine stem from two decisions made [TS]

  in the first movie which we talked about [TS]

  a little bit which is one probably [TS]

  having a meeting [TS]

  Anakin Skywalker as a little kid is part [TS]

  of the problem because it forced them to [TS]

  read connell sorts of things about when [TS]

  i met your father he was a great pilot [TS]

  and things like that so he's a kid pilot [TS]

  ok I i think that was a mistake and if [TS]

  we had met him a little bit later [TS]

  probably would have made more sense in [TS]

  that story arc might have that I you [TS]

  know it's harmed by the faculty meeting [TS]

  as a little kid and then the other thing [TS]

  is this decision to make [TS]

  Palpatine's rise and his evilness sort [TS]

  of like secret which I guess the idea [TS]

  there as well it's going to be a real [TS]

  twist when you realize he's the bad guy [TS]

  but you know that's it's not and you [TS]

  miss you miss actually seeing him [TS]

  pulling the strings behind the scenes [TS]

  more overtly because we still can tell [TS]

  that it's him but yet he's sidelined it [TS]

  makes it maybe I look even more [TS]

  incompetent because it's likely we spent [TS]

  the first movie fine pretend pretend you [TS]

  didn't know until the end of the first [TS]

  movie the second movie everybody knows [TS]

  everybody knows accepted [TS]

  nice the giant just look stupid and [TS]

  incompetent and not because they're like [TS]

  decadent lazy like that's the story they [TS]

  want to tell they want to snuggle the [TS]

  Jedi had become you know that they had [TS]

  lost their their way or whatever on the [TS]

  dark side is clouding their jobs they've [TS]

  stopped doing lightsaber battles they've [TS]

  been sucked into trade negotiations they [TS]

  just come off a stupid instead like [TS]

  that's that there is a better movie in [TS]

  there you could say about how you know [TS]

  this was the decadent world and the Jedi [TS]

  have lost lost their vision of what [TS]

  they're supposed to be doing but instead [TS]

  you see a bunch of sort of incompetent [TS]

  sort of timid not very smart not very [TS]

  powerful Jedi making bad decisions that [TS]

  it's not because they're decadent or [TS]

  because there's some kind of you know [TS]

  that they've been blinded by their own [TS]

  arrogance none of that is there they're [TS]

  just kinda like Kobe door stupid [TS]

  yeah you are you deserved it three [TS]

  killed off there's an early line for [TS]

  mace windu where he says Dooku was once [TS]

  a Jedi he couldn't assassinate anyone [TS]

  that's not how foolish you are but so is [TS]

  turning to the darkside not a thing yet [TS]

  I mean I haven't read a whole lot of the [TS]

  extended universe talk about this if in [TS]

  episode one [TS]

  yeah but they don't explain why he'd let [TS]

  him like how do you become a former Jedi [TS]

  yeah he retired he retires disappeared [TS]

  test no he's known because he's a leader [TS]

  of the separatists we formed attachments [TS]

  and that's really the problem after the [TS]

  first movie when they established Anakin [TS]

  has more or less lovable well-adjusted [TS]

  nice little kid who happens to be a [TS]

  slave and let's not do really talked [TS]

  about that once you've started him off [TS]

  on that foot it's very difficult to get [TS]

  him into a position where he becomes [TS]

  Darth Vader if you had started them off [TS]

  as like a street kid who is the member [TS]

  of like a street gang and had to live [TS]

  you know a tough life and learn that [TS]

  might equals right like 30 it's it's so [TS]

  very difficult no matter what happens [TS]

  fine you use someone cheats on you think [TS]

  all the Jedi betrayed you were ever to [TS]

  extend that into ok well now i have to [TS]

  kill all the Jedi an entire galaxy you [TS]

  have to be like mad with power power [TS]

  crazy you have to believe that power is [TS]

  the only thing that's important you know [TS]

  what you have to do I don't want to get [TS]

  too much into episode three things but [TS]

  once you start off as a cute little kid [TS]

  it's super hard to get him into darth [TS]

  vader and they don't even really make an [TS]

  attempt at it [TS]

  this movie that is making wine and they [TS]

  say well if you take whiny and write [TS]

  raise it to a large exponential power [TS]

  equals darth vader and it doesn't we [TS]

  know the Darth Vader was the whiniest of [TS]

  all the villains yeah if you raise the [TS]

  large power just as more whining this is [TS]

  the problem i have with Anakin in this [TS]

  movie is that we've been told throughout [TS]

  the first trilogy that you know he he [TS]

  was heroic [TS]

  yes and so you expect to see somewhere [TS]

  along the course of this film him [TS]

  perform some sort of heroic deed or act [TS]

  in a heroic fashion and he doesn't he's [TS]

  basically a knob from start to finish [TS]

  no he doesn't do anything he does very [TS]

  little of any agency whatsoever i mean [TS]

  even if you if you add in the last movie [TS]

  his heroic action there was accidentally [TS]

  point out the spit shipwright like in [TS]

  terms of episode two [TS]

  there's not much that he does in here [TS]

  that is active period [TS]

  other than the other than the fight [TS]

  scenes yeah he jumps off of a a speeder [TS]

  the accidental jetta even the fight [TS]

  scenes are always fight scenes where [TS]

  other people are like anakin no don't [TS]

  know [TS]

  ok he just got thrown against a wall he [TS]

  killed all those sand people what else [TS]

  you want from him kill some sandpaper I [TS]

  killed them all the travel by refugee [TS]

  transport we never see that we covered [TS]

  that earlier than we do see them we do [TS]

  see them in there briefly in their [TS]

  travel by refugee and as usual Padma is [TS]

  wearing some kind of shiny copper [TS]

  headpiece weird hair stuff yes which is [TS]

  exactly what you expect to see on [TS]

  refugees certainly not a senator or a [TS]

  queen definitely not to be drawn [TS]

  attention to refugees love that stuff [TS]

  also would anybody who is not a Padawan [TS]

  where a rat tail by choice in this [TS]

  universe that's a good point to yet we [TS]

  know she knows how to dress down she did [TS]

  it all through the first movie that's [TS]

  right at least Anakin he sort of looks [TS]

  the part he's got like his his his Jedi [TS]

  poncho on it looks like you just woke up [TS]

  in the gutter outside of the space [TS]

  peanuts and beer and he could be a [TS]

  refugee apart from the rat tail but [TS]

  padme's got her usual 50 pounds of junk [TS]

  in her hair and it's just absurd you [TS]

  think she's slumming you can we talk [TS]

  about the droid racism that seems [TS]

  rampant in these movies and we aren't [TS]

  you just once they go up and pick up [TS]

  some food now it is just wants to pick [TS]

  up some [TS]

  food from like like maybe the bar you [TS]

  don't want droids because like that's a [TS]

  particular environment but he just wants [TS]

  to go get food and bring it back to them [TS]

  and the droid who's serving was gotta [TS]

  give him enough no no get out of here no [TS]

  droid seat [TS]

  let's pick up the food i mean the joint [TS]

  can't even heat right like that's the [TS]

  worst part is like I'm not going to eat [TS]

  them myself [TS]

  you can I am a droid who understands [TS]

  they do the unconscionable in and the [TS]

  lead-up to this scene they kind of bag [TS]

  on r2 they're walking towards the ship [TS]

  and they're talking about how they're [TS]

  scared and the responses at least we [TS]

  have our two haha yeah these are the [TS]

  jokes folks no seriously at least we [TS]

  have our two is like the most heroic [TS]

  character that we have in this entire [TS]

  movie thank God [TS]

  well that's like me saying at least I [TS]

  have my gps unit in my car I mean by GPS [TS]

  unit can fly it has lasers but it's [TS]

  still basically just something to move [TS]

  my car around right you gps stands a [TS]

  better chance of protecting you in a [TS]

  dark room from space enemies another [TS]

  girl sweet [TS]

  this is true and then here we are it's [TS]

  the alien diner where where we meet the [TS]

  weird diner alien who knows everything [TS]

  there is to know about darts [TS]

  oh yeah let's buy the OneNote having the [TS]

  scene because again the writing i was [TS]

  doing is right now things is he says the [TS]

  word clear no nurs clutter is like [TS]

  cloning those clients fellas pretty good [TS]

  one likes to get it like it suddenly [TS]

  turns into dora like you have to repeat [TS]

  the same word that Cano's the best [TS]

  cloners the clone a club we get it there [TS]

  could we understand it's the title of [TS]

  the movie like I don't understand what [TS]

  that scene was there i don't understand [TS]

  the other than Lucas obsession with the [TS]

  fifties that character we don't care [TS]

  about he's not interesting like at this [TS]

  point also wrote my notes too many [TS]

  characters too many planets to me it's [TS]

  just too many moving parts you maestro [TS]

  couldn't get these parts fit together [TS]

  into a cohesive whole and Lucas is not a [TS]

  maestro my notes say cloners like that [TS]

  means anything but your door references [TS]

  is a good is it is a good one John [TS]

  because who do we ask for help when we [TS]

  don't know which way to go [TS]

  say map say map oh wait they took the [TS]

  planet out of the map we can't say map [TS]

  I thought it was really weird that all [TS]

  the Jedi younglings were all exactly the [TS]

  same height hello younglings [TS]

  will this be a good spot to have some [TS]

  aliens like they had the one red-faced [TS]

  alien but they [TS]

  have we know there's ton of weird shapes [TS]

  or an extra tall alien or an extra short [TS]

  yeah they're all kids they're all just [TS]

  Lucas's me everything you did the [TS]

  readers kids younglings are shooting [TS]

  younglings classes at the Jedi school [TS]

  are sorted by height you know everybody [TS]

  chlorines are usually present in a [TS]

  certain body type so depending on when [TS]

  they manifest it's true i should i [TS]

  should point out that that a beloved [TS]

  podcast of mine and john's the flophouse [TS]

  did an episode about episode 2 and the [TS]

  only thing I remember I wanted to [TS]

  mention from their episode about this [TS]

  movie is the point that many of the [TS]

  words used in this movie are English [TS]

  words and occasionally a word will be [TS]

  changed for no apparent reason other [TS]

  than to make it seem alien e so we could [TS]

  call these people kids or children but [TS]

  no their younglings yuengling is a [TS]

  redundant word space children young [TS]

  means one thing and this suffix Ling [TS]

  just means a young version of that young [TS]

  young man doing anything [TS]

  what's up young space space children [TS]

  come on [TS]

  word up my youngs the whole bit with the [TS]

  map is pretty great because it's like [TS]

  not only has it been you know the the [TS]

  map has been erased [TS]

  I like the idea first of all that it [TS]

  should be that the planet should be [TS]

  south of another planet that [TS]

  particularly struck record be single [TS]

  active true north [TS]

  yeah its three-dimensional he knows [TS]

  exactly where the planet is supposed to [TS]

  be Kristen why do you not go there they [TS]

  have spaceships but it and he's like [TS]

  legitimately I just can't figure this [TS]

  one out [TS]

  yeah I know but that was like what was [TS]

  the point of having that scene in the [TS]

  movie to show that all we want is really [TS]

  really really stupid like he got no new [TS]

  information is it it's not there [TS]

  it looks like it's been erased he [TS]

  already told them gravity is point like [TS]

  it's not even like a CSI scene where [TS]

  they figure out like something by using [TS]

  computers [TS]

  I don't under the scenes in this movie [TS]

  that just don't need to be there at all [TS]

  and it's someone thought was a really [TS]

  great idea like oh that the mind of a [TS]

  child is going to tell us some insight [TS]

  now [TS]

  nope he's gonna tell you exactly 13 [TS]

  year-old know and by doing that he will [TS]

  make you appear dumber than [TS]

  three-year-old because you are it does [TS]

  give a chance for you to slag and by [TS]

  saying he's lost a planet that I was [TS]

  impressed by the efficiency of their [TS]

  library system we just have to say the [TS]

  name of a planet say it's a Kamino [TS]

  and they can immediately say that [TS]

  doesn't exist now we're asking how it's [TS]

  spelled the library was one of the few [TS]

  sort of lazy visual design because the [TS]

  visual design these movies like the [TS]

  ships and everything is not I i think [TS]

  it's reasonably good but the library [TS]

  they said how about we have big walls [TS]

  like a lineup book spines yeah that [TS]

  reads his library i'm pretty sure that [TS]

  the visual design of this movie because [TS]

  the whole thing that made the first [TS]

  trilogy cool was that it was lived in [TS]

  this landspeeders look call me that [TS]

  again this is supposed to be like the [TS]

  guilty want to give them license to go [TS]

  with I'm just saying like a library [TS]

  having light up book spines that is too [TS]

  lazy [TS]

  sorry do I think we go back to New [TS]

  briefly and we meet then there's the new [TS]

  queen who is in the same it's like they [TS]

  get to reuse the sets and they got the [TS]

  guy with the with the goatee and it's [TS]

  full of a planet full of old people and [TS]

  old stuff and of course they were ruled [TS]

  by gun girls [TS]

  yeah don't be an Anakin Skywalker yeah [TS]

  creepy i like when they're walking when [TS]

  they're walking down the walkway and [TS]

  have some more sterling dialogue like I [TS]

  agree i think the Republic needs you I'm [TS]

  glad you chose to serve and seen thank [TS]

  you for like thank you for expressing [TS]

  those sentiments in such a dry boring [TS]

  fashion is this where your boat is John [TS]

  reason I think it's somewhere around [TS]

  here like they're talking about like she [TS]

  says that she wasn't in the legislative [TS]

  use and she wanted to go in the Senate [TS]

  and additives like yes i agree i think [TS]

  the Republic needs you [TS]

  I was glad you chose to serve end of [TS]

  seeing like that's it that that's it [TS]

  said it sounds like an important word [TS]

  i'm actually really thinking about the [TS]

  new political system now [TS]

  yeah she said I wasn't the youngest [TS]

  queen ever elected so there were younger [TS]

  Queens that her and they might never [TS]

  have Kings I think this is a planet [TS]

  that's always ruled by young teenage [TS]

  girls [TS]

  yes I green if I mean that the plan also [TS]

  fell apart too so i would like to [TS]

  believe that that that they have decided [TS]

  that the wave for them to rule without [TS]

  being uncovered by up like political [TS]

  dealings and things is having an [TS]

  innocent a preteen girl sit on the [TS]

  throne for a while and not do much [TS]

  because there's the guy with the goatee [TS]

  there's one scene where they tried to [TS]

  establish the sort of tension in the [TS]

  romantic relationship is sort of a [TS]

  sparring type thing [TS]

  like a han Leia thing where they're like [TS]

  I think we should go for the lake [TS]

  country for security and they have this [TS]

  disagreement or whatever and again [TS]

  everything that everything in this movie [TS]

  I can put up on the big board saying I [TS]

  can see what they're trying to do in the [TS]

  scene they're trying to make this [TS]

  relationship like it you know they're [TS]

  attracted to each other but they also [TS]

  have a little bit of witty verbal [TS]

  sparring is sparring is a form of [TS]

  flirting or whatever and it totally [TS]

  falls on its face it does not work the [TS]

  writing is bad does not make me think [TS]

  any of the characters are likable or [TS]

  interesting or clever in any way they [TS]

  just it makes and look more petulant it [TS]

  makes her look stupid for tolerating his [TS]

  petulance and it just it totally fails [TS]

  and like I i wish i could take all these [TS]

  scenes like pin them up and say this [TS]

  scene was supposed to this and didn't [TS]

  seem as opposed to this and didn't and I [TS]

  don't know what's worse the seams with a [TS]

  talk and exposition and sit on couches [TS]

  or the scenes where you can tell what [TS]

  they're trying to do and they totally [TS]

  family just move on to like well I guess [TS]

  we didn't pull it off next scene please [TS]

  let nothing be done we'll just take it [TS]

  as it is and hope you forget camino [TS]

  llego tu camino it's very rainy this is [TS]

  a planet that's rainy there's lots of [TS]

  water [TS]

  they're also cloners they're here [TS]

  they're cloners big cloners lots of [TS]

  green identically tall implausibly [TS]

  skinny long-necked yes camino aliens are [TS]

  these tall skinny white aliens in these [TS]

  in these long white corridors i remember [TS]

  watching this movie the first time in [TS]

  thinking I can i really like the look [TS]

  and the art direction of the Camino [TS]

  scenes that it's rainy it's kind of [TS]

  atmospheric it's this very like 2001 [TS]

  almost or some of the scenes in in the [TS]

  original trilogy that it's the kind of [TS]

  like all white aesthetic and I thought [TS]

  the aliens were interesting and strange [TS]

  and they have strange voices and I godly [TS]

  never look like they belong in the scene [TS]

  to me [TS]

  yeah yeah always it was the humans the [TS]

  humans who don't look like they're [TS]

  standing on anything there they're not [TS]

  even planted on ya just in the green [TS]

  screen it's a pleasant cartoon to watch [TS]

  yes I liked it originally but but [TS]

  watching it back this time I was like oh [TS]

  it's really not that good i was hoping [TS]

  that this would be the thing that I [TS]

  could be like oh yeah the white [TS]

  long-necked aliens on the rain planet [TS]

  that will be fine at like the big waves [TS]

  and the big creature that the guys [TS]

  riding on the back up [TS]

  I like to see the movie featuring those [TS]

  guys out of like Avatar before avatar [TS]

  and I think the idea of the planet where [TS]

  it's rainy and dark all-time in their [TS]

  gigantic waves is moody and atmosphere [TS]

  gets to bed it happen to be you know you [TS]

  got trapped in the middle of episode 2 [TS]

  and can i say that obi-wan is among his [TS]

  things that he's not skillful at playing [TS]

  along [TS]

  not yet you still fighting there's a [TS]

  whole lot of like yeah well we expected [TS]

  you want you expected me oh yes yes you [TS]

  did [TS]

  we hope you'll enjoy the army you [TS]

  ordered the the re oh yeah oh yeah the [TS]

  are you going on about the army yes oh [TS]

  yes please tell me who ordered that army [TS]

  just to refresh my memory of these [TS]

  cloners are very not very careful this [TS]

  must be like oh you would think they'd [TS]

  be a little bit more careful decisions [TS]

  but like it's the problem we're talking [TS]

  about the Anakin not being a hero [TS]

  what does obi-wan do this heroic he sent [TS]

  here to do something heroic like go [TS]

  figure out find this bounty hunter [TS]

  whatever find him [TS]

  how does obi-wan succeed in his mission [TS]

  through his coming through his skill [TS]

  through you know its cleverness to [TS]

  through his brute-force now he just [TS]

  Falls ass-backwards into it because the [TS]

  scripture says you some luck he shows I [TS]

  luck they put him in he does a bad job [TS]

  of hiding everything I may just he'll [TS]

  like what he didn't he wasn't here oh we [TS]

  didn't do anything heroic he was just [TS]

  there you could have you gonna send r2 [TS]

  and r2 would have been as successful in [TS]

  this mission [TS]

  yeah it's true [TS]

  yeah except as long as they weren't [TS]

  centipedes around this is where i had to [TS]

  stop the first time by the way that yeah [TS]

  but we got to learn the secret of the [TS]

  stormtroopers which is that they're all [TS]

  Boba Fett's father [TS]

  no no no [TS]

  yeah so i have this later when that when [TS]

  we when we load up on stormtroopers but [TS]

  i can mention it now which is the clone [TS]

  troopers on one level it explains why [TS]

  store stormtroopers are so uniform and [TS]

  so lame because they're they've been [TS]

  engineered to follow orders and [TS]

  apparently the miss your target little [TS]

  things but I really don't like this red [TS]

  come I always always liked the fact that [TS]

  the storm troopers were you know scary [TS]

  shock troops for the Empire even though [TS]

  yeah they don't shoot as well and they [TS]

  killed their killed easily but here [TS]

  we've just backed it all out to being [TS]

  these kind of like genetically [TS]

  engineered in order to be pliable [TS]

  versions of Jango Fett well you have [TS]

  like the droid racism this is the clone [TS]

  racism because all right so they're [TS]

  genetically identical but so were twins [TS]

  that's why are we spoke this is the [TS]

  excusing the fact that like we're gonna [TS]

  kill these guys later but don't feel bad [TS]

  they're just clones they're absolutely a [TS]

  hundred percent you been engineered to [TS]

  followers and apply I know start [TS]

  seatbelt but they're just they're in [TS]

  there as human as any other human and [TS]

  it's not like I think the Empire [TS]

  archived on the Empire's evil and all [TS]

  that stuff but it's like in the movie [TS]

  this is done to excuse later the death [TS]

  of these things like that we don't care [TS]

  about like when and hops off the the [TS]

  thing and the clones were piloting their [TS]

  blow up that we don't linger on that [TS]

  it's like well they're just clones a [TS]

  million that's not a big deal and I [TS]

  think it's made worse it's made worse by [TS]

  the clone wars television series which [TS]

  is actually much better than any of [TS]

  these movies and that really humanizes [TS]

  the clones and shows what it's like to [TS]

  be cloned going up but like it's it's so [TS]

  terrible for me to see how they treat [TS]

  clones and it seems odd to me that we [TS]

  have to watch boba fett watch his father [TS]

  died later because he just ends up going [TS]

  into the same line of work as his father [TS]

  being a bounty hunter so it's not much [TS]

  of an origin story but it strikes me as [TS]

  odd that after his father's dead clones [TS]

  of his father are on every planet in the [TS]

  system [TS]

  yeah yeah they're not his dad but yeah [TS]

  they're the modified ones they're [TS]

  mentally they've been mentally [TS]

  handicapped isn't that what they say on [TS]

  communities that they've grown [TS]

  yeah they just been made compliant yeah [TS]

  but for the kid [TS]

  if you ever see a stormtrooper without [TS]

  his helmet on oh my god that's dad [TS]

  it looks like your dad well but but it [TS]

  looks like him too because he's also a [TS]

  clone of his dance is going to grow up [TS]

  to look exactly like his father that's [TS]

  why he's so messed up in here it comes [TS]

  it's it's not really his father it's his [TS]

  it's his brother it's his twin really [TS]

  its yeah that the clone thing when it [TS]

  really got to me was at the end where I [TS]

  realized hey we're supposed to be [TS]

  rooting for the Jedi who are willingly [TS]

  sending living beings who have been [TS]

  genetically engineered to be compliant [TS]

  into battle to be killed slaughtered by [TS]

  a bunch of robots and the clone wars TV [TS]

  series that relationship between the [TS]

  Jedi and the clones is like that tension [TS]

  is five kills me that the cartoon [TS]

  network show us so much more nuanced and [TS]

  interest in these than these [TS]

  multi-million dollar movies but the Jedi [TS]

  have a relationship with the leaders of [TS]

  the clone armies and I think I kind of [TS]

  read in the television series the Jedi [TS]

  feel kind of bad [TS]

  what about this whole were commanding [TS]

  you and we're in this together and [TS]

  they're like you could have done [TS]

  something like that in this movie to [TS]

  show the Jedi were uncomfortable with [TS]

  this that they had a relationship with [TS]

  them in battle that didn't treat them [TS]

  just like a machine that you can give [TS]

  orders to it because it kind of makes [TS]

  sense that the humans treat the droids [TS]

  just machines because they just believe [TS]

  there's no strong AI and I was one [TS]

  throwaway line in this movie that [TS]

  actually kind of liked they said well [TS]

  that machines that would think there [TS]

  wouldn't be any of us here I'm like hey [TS]

  that would be a blessing and B that's [TS]

  kind of a clever comment down AI but you [TS]

  know I've seen three c-3po and r2 and [TS]

  they actually seem like the thinking to [TS]

  me so maybe you should open your eyes [TS]

  you fought in the Clone Wars while the [TS]

  Clone Wars sound like they're really [TS]

  cool no actually it's just we made lots [TS]

  of photocopies and this one guy and made [TS]

  a giant army it was sort of like [TS]

  destroyed fighting drugs to be honest [TS]

  with you wasn't a big deal [TS]

  yeah and and then we ran them into the [TS]

  drugs yet because the droids is the [TS]

  excuse is like we don't care the first [TS]

  movie that the droids are dying and i [TS]

  will close vs towards don't you it's a [TS]

  kind of a wash right dad that they're [TS]

  all the same they died who came when i [TS]

  say fought in the Clone Wars what I mean [TS]

  mean is i SAT over here and watch that [TS]

  movie at that right yeah it's like very [TS]

  similar [TS]

  I know what you were saying to yourself [TS]

  when you saw how long this episode was [TS]

  wow that's a long episode of the [TS]

  uncomfortable i wonder if they manage to [TS]

  squeeze episode 2 into a single episode [TS]

  instead of doing it in two parts like [TS]

  they did with all of the other Star Wars [TS]

  movies [TS]

  well no that didn't happen [TS]

  join us next week for part two of our [TS]

  discussion of Star Wars Episode two [TS]