Roderick on the Line

Ep. 63: "A Topcoat of Bonkers"


00:00:00   beep hello [TS]

00:00:09   hello hello hello hello [TS]

00:00:18   why don't hear anything to come here now [TS]

00:00:24   oh there you are haha he fooled you [TS]

00:00:30   you had a you had a mute on [TS]

00:00:33   worse than that it's a technical failure [TS]

00:00:36   on my part [TS]

00:00:37   what was it Mike not plugged in its you [TS]

00:00:38   do you really care yeah I do [TS]

00:00:40   really though I like I like to know [TS]

00:00:42   about with ya and amateur technologist [TS]

00:00:46   no more i had the wrong and audio input [TS]

00:00:49   set up in skype and so my USB microphone [TS]

00:00:52   was not used as the audio input [TS]

00:00:54   oh my god boo [TS]

00:00:57   well i was i I thought it was me because [TS]

00:01:03   day bazan was over here the other day [TS]

00:01:05   and he was trying to target disk mode [TS]

00:01:08   some files knows about target disk mode [TS]

00:01:11   into my computer and he hot plugged my [TS]

00:01:16   my fireface firewire interface huh [TS]

00:01:23   and so I was like oh ships you know back [TS]

00:01:26   in the old days if you hot plug [TS]

00:01:28   something hot [TS]

00:01:30   if you hijacked it then maybe the get it [TS]

00:01:35   it frizz your whole motherboard i was [TS]

00:01:40   super concerned that my motherboard was [TS]

00:01:42   frizzed and that's why I couldn't hear [TS]

00:01:43   you right you what you know you gotta be [TS]

00:01:45   careful if you're doing any kind of hot [TS]

00:01:46   boxing on the pop bored you want to make [TS]

00:01:48   sure that you got a full USB bus on your [TS]

00:01:51   chigger bite that's what wow yeah so [TS]

00:01:55   anyway it go did was he able to uh [TS]

00:01:57   that'sthat's a tremendous thing of [TS]

00:01:59   firewire target disk was he so he's [TS]

00:02:01   getting some songs off to give you [TS]

00:02:02   probably yeah and we what we ended up [TS]

00:02:04   doing this is the thing that's [TS]

00:02:06   embarrassing is that we were sitting [TS]

00:02:08   around with her we couldn't figure out [TS]

00:02:09   that you're in my in my octopus's garden [TS]

00:02:13   of 7,000 cables seven thousand different [TS]

00:02:17   versions of firewire and USB cables here [TS]

00:02:20   we couldn't figure we couldn't find the [TS]

00:02:23   right cable and then he pulled out one [TS]

00:02:27   of these little USB drives that's the [TS]

00:02:29   size of the you know how ski it was like [TS]

00:02:32   oh i think i can put other put four gigs [TS]

00:02:35   of stuff on this and I was like oh I got [TS]

00:02:37   a couple of those around here too and [TS]

00:02:38   and we did it all on those little this [TS]

00:02:41   dumb little [TS]

00:02:43   totally losing bowl USB drives did that [TS]

00:02:47   make you feel like a wizard or a doofus [TS]

00:02:49   or something in between [TS]

00:02:50   mm I think I feel like a wizard when I [TS]

00:02:53   can do that I it's definitely amazing [TS]

00:02:56   yeah but it but I looked at this look at [TS]

00:03:01   this room full of gizmos in boxes and [TS]

00:03:04   cabling and all this like all this gear [TS]

00:03:10   and then i looked at the little USB [TS]

00:03:12   Drive which has an entire album on it [TS]

00:03:14   and I was like uh a little bit slow a [TS]

00:03:20   little bit dumb now because this thing [TS]

00:03:22   you mean you know Jonathan Coulton gives [TS]

00:03:24   away those USB drives with his entire [TS]

00:03:26   catalog on them smart it's amazingly [TS]

00:03:29   smart but but the equivalent at bar sook [TS]

00:03:32   is that they sell you a reel-to-reel [TS]

00:03:35   tapes in that in a box that has its own [TS]

00:03:38   wheels so uh huh you know that's the [TS]

00:03:43   sprockets can be real hard to replace [TS]

00:03:44   you know you have the oil I'm going to [TS]

00:03:46   boil your sprocket that's it that's nice [TS]

00:03:48   that they're doing that down there [TS]

00:03:49   moving forward right we're all moving [TS]

00:03:53   forward like it or nine can help moving [TS]

00:03:55   forward no sir i'm glad we did this [TS]

00:03:58   happen with this john and you know what [TS]

00:04:00   you know what Merlin i'm sitting here [TS]

00:04:01   and in front of me are two comic books [TS]

00:04:04   on my desk to comic books to comic books [TS]

00:04:08   two separate taken they didn't take me [TS]

00:04:12   somewhere we're going to provoke me are [TS]

00:04:13   you being straight up my first comic [TS]

00:04:15   book here is Joe Sacco's Palestine a [TS]

00:04:19   graphic novel and then there's one over [TS]

00:04:22   here [TS]

00:04:22   shigeru mizuki Mizuki's onward towards [TS]

00:04:27   our noble deaths with you with these [TS]

00:04:30   gifts they were but I am I have decided [TS]

00:04:33   here's what i've decided i always loved [TS]

00:04:37   graphic novels from the very beginning [TS]

00:04:39   you know and and and what what am I [TS]

00:04:43   trying to say like like american [TS]

00:04:46   splendor or Dennis I corn we talked [TS]

00:04:48   about Dennis I corn was like that some [TS]

00:04:50   of the column slice-of-life comics like [TS]

00:04:52   that's kind of a silly name but they're [TS]

00:04:53   like you know Harvey Pekar stuff it's [TS]

00:04:55   like you know real world [TS]

00:04:57   real world and dumpling and stuff yeah [TS]

00:04:59   and I i always like that stuff and then [TS]

00:05:02   that that a and R crumb of course being [TS]

00:05:05   my introduction to it and and the and [TS]

00:05:08   the greatest and the great American hero [TS]

00:05:10   but now I've decided that graphic novels [TS]

00:05:12   are an art form that everyone else is [TS]

00:05:14   enjoying and I am NOT enjoying them out [TS]

00:05:18   of just out of a spirit of curmudgeonly [TS]

00:05:20   pneus Wow because I go to bookstores and [TS]

00:05:23   I see the graphic novels which net which [TS]

00:05:27   used to be like four titles that used to [TS]

00:05:30   be a used to be mouse mouse watch many [TS]

00:05:33   to others [TS]

00:05:34   yeah mouse button and then like the [TS]

00:05:36   great dark rooms breast cancer Fritz the [TS]

00:05:37   Cat you know right and and now now it's [TS]

00:05:41   like a it's a it's a whole wall of the [TS]

00:05:43   bookstore that stretches to infinity and [TS]

00:05:46   I look at regular you know what it's [TS]

00:05:49   probably all manga it's probably all [TS]

00:05:51   just a the just dumb porn and and it's [TS]

00:05:56   like octopuses have an intercourse with [TS]

00:05:58   school girls on ships exactly and you [TS]

00:06:01   read it [TS]

00:06:01   fucking backward and you read it [TS]

00:06:03   backwards and I don't want to fuck that [TS]

00:06:04   I don't need that in my life [TS]

00:06:06   no but I'm realizing that I am wrong [TS]

00:06:09   I'm being a curmudgeon and I actually [TS]

00:06:12   love this art form and that i need to [TS]

00:06:15   get over myself [TS]

00:06:18   whoa know it hurts me to say it and [TS]

00:06:21   start start participating in this this [TS]

00:06:26   wonderful turn of events I I couple [TS]

00:06:29   years ago somebody gave me a graphic [TS]

00:06:31   novel called blankets which was written [TS]

00:06:33   by a guy in Portland that I know and my [TS]

00:06:37   friend Tucker Martine was working on a [TS]

00:06:40   record that went along with this graphic [TS]

00:06:42   novel and it was a heartbreakingly [TS]

00:06:44   beautiful book and I was like and of [TS]

00:06:47   course as I read it I was like well this [TS]

00:06:48   has got to be the exception there are no [TS]

00:06:50   octopuses fucking teenage girls in this [TS]

00:06:51   book this is about someone losing their [TS]

00:06:54   faith in the volume love for the first [TS]

00:06:56   time and I mean this is black salon the [TS]

00:06:58   casino for these yeah this is too [TS]

00:07:01   beautiful and this guy that this this [TS]

00:07:02   book that i have on my table here the [TS]

00:07:04   Palestine by joe sacco i read a book by [TS]

00:07:07   him one time a few years ago where he [TS]

00:07:09   was talking [TS]

00:07:10   the war in Bosnia and it was beautiful [TS]

00:07:13   and fabulous and I was like well this [TS]

00:07:15   can't be a thing that is normal this is [TS]

00:07:18   this has got to be an aberration now I'm [TS]

00:07:21   realizing it's it is my taste that is [TS]

00:07:23   the aberration [TS]

00:07:25   Wow John this is a good on you man [TS]

00:07:28   that's we've talked about this before we [TS]

00:07:29   gotta be I think it's good for men of a [TS]

00:07:32   certain age and ladies to be somewhat [TS]

00:07:35   circumspect i'm super calcified on a lot [TS]

00:07:38   of things I I admire this though and [TS]

00:07:41   this is you you keep up with the music [TS]

00:07:42   and now you're looking at the more [TS]

00:07:45   sophisticated funny books this is my mom [TS]

00:07:47   this is awesome man [TS]

00:07:48   yeah so now i'm just not just not just [TS]

00:07:50   as a person's you know I was on my [TS]

00:07:52   comics I'm just saying it good for you [TS]

00:07:53   for looking at something that you know [TS]

00:07:56   little foreign silly [TS]

00:07:57   well yeah and that you know and what I [TS]

00:08:00   had to do what I had to admit was that [TS]

00:08:02   from the from my very first exposure to [TS]

00:08:05   this type of book which probably [TS]

00:08:08   happened in college I don't think i was [TS]

00:08:10   i don't think i met Harvey Pekar and [TS]

00:08:13   Dennis Eichorn until I was rather in [TS]

00:08:15   college but I immediately identified [TS]

00:08:17   with the form and I wanted to make a [TS]

00:08:20   graphic novel of my own I wanted to make [TS]

00:08:22   it a autobiographical long-form comic [TS]

00:08:27   book of my own and I didn't know how to [TS]

00:08:29   do it i'm not i I'm i can draw but i'm [TS]

00:08:31   not a drawer and I was like this you [TS]

00:08:34   know this is like the great [TS]

00:08:37   this is the great art form and I I think [TS]

00:08:41   I I think maybe my disappointment that I [TS]

00:08:43   never was able to figure out exactly how [TS]

00:08:45   to put the pieces together to actually [TS]

00:08:47   do a book like that of mice my own cause [TS]

00:08:50   me to turn my back on it a little bit [TS]

00:08:51   because I was because I was like oh it's [TS]

00:08:55   so I'm so mad you know I don't think [TS]

00:09:00   about i think i think you're you get [TS]

00:09:01   your finger on something very [TS]

00:09:04   interesting i think i think that i think [TS]

00:09:07   that can certainly have with music I bet [TS]

00:09:08   it sure as heck happens with films you [TS]

00:09:11   know filmmaking or anything like that [TS]

00:09:12   the vocab you understand you know using [TS]

00:09:14   this with with the young kids were like [TS]

00:09:16   you understand the vocabulary or [TS]

00:09:17   something you know how to [TS]

00:09:18   the tennis racket but it's really [TS]

00:09:20   different from spending enough time [TS]

00:09:21   inside of that process to actually [TS]

00:09:24   produce something that you don't hate [TS]

00:09:26   yeah the the when you want to when I was [TS]

00:09:29   young I i imagine that the barrier to [TS]

00:09:32   entry was was imaginative that the thing [TS]

00:09:38   that kept you from making films or [TS]

00:09:40   making graphic novels was that you had [TS]

00:09:42   you didn't have enough imagination yet [TS]

00:09:44   you hadn't you didn't have a great good [TS]

00:09:47   enough story but you realize later that [TS]

00:09:48   the barrier to entry is often just a [TS]

00:09:52   structural its just its technical like [TS]

00:09:54   you don't know how to work a camera and [TS]

00:09:57   you can look at a scene and say this is [TS]

00:09:58   how this is the picture I imagine the [TS]

00:10:00   picture but i can't I don't know what an [TS]

00:10:03   f-stop is I can't take that I can't take [TS]

00:10:05   the picture and to say that the barrier [TS]

00:10:09   to entry to making a graphic novel is [TS]

00:10:11   that you don't know how to draw his prey [TS]

00:10:12   is it is pretty like a node ah but but [TS]

00:10:20   also i mean if i had if I had been [TS]

00:10:22   working on this for 20 years I would [TS]

00:10:24   have I would have developed an ability [TS]

00:10:27   to draw well enough to accomplish when I [TS]

00:10:28   was initiated you might be a retired [TS]

00:10:31   comic book artist to this yeah right but [TS]

00:10:33   instead i was like also a graphic [TS]

00:10:34   graphic novel retired retired colonel in [TS]

00:10:38   the graphic artists army so anyway yeah [TS]

00:10:43   I'm having a very very exciting time now [TS]

00:10:47   letting some of my mic the sum of the [TS]

00:10:51   the hardened calcium that has built up [TS]

00:10:54   it around my idea of comics I'm having a [TS]

00:10:58   fun time chipping away at that and [TS]

00:10:59   reading these wonderful books that have [TS]

00:11:04   pictures drawing pictures [TS]

00:11:06   mhm well I am I said I don't want to [TS]

00:11:09   insert myself into this process because [TS]

00:11:11   you know I'm gonna stay out of it and [TS]

00:11:12   the way I'm going to reward this by not [TS]

00:11:14   going on and on about comics with you [TS]

00:11:16   and I will wait at least 30 days [TS]

00:11:18   Oh before I start sending you trade [TS]

00:11:20   paperbacks you never asked for [TS]

00:11:21   I think you should read okay that's [TS]

00:11:23   that's kind of a thing that i do now [TS]

00:11:25   oh alright alright getting things in the [TS]

00:11:27   mail pile of mail i was going to say [TS]

00:11:30   trying to a young [TS]

00:11:32   person the other day and i say i got [TS]

00:11:34   this up it's happening more and more [TS]

00:11:36   strangely i don't know what mustache but [TS]

00:11:39   its head [TS]

00:11:40   I said yeah you know back in the old [TS]

00:11:42   days I you know I used to have dinner in [TS]

00:11:45   this particular cafe so much that when [TS]

00:11:48   people were traveling and they wanted to [TS]

00:11:50   send me letters they would send the [TS]

00:11:52   letters to this cafe instead of because [TS]

00:11:54   I didn't know where I lived and moved [TS]

00:11:56   too much but they would send me they [TS]

00:11:58   would send letters to this cat cafe and [TS]

00:12:00   carry me and the young person said oh [TS]

00:12:03   did did you and your friends like where [TS]

00:12:07   you into like sending letters and stuff [TS]

00:12:09   and and and the young person said it in [TS]

00:12:12   such a way as to betray that they [TS]

00:12:16   thought that sending letters was like a [TS]

00:12:17   like a pretty cool gimmick like a pretty [TS]

00:12:21   cool like stick [TS]

00:12:23   I mean like almost like it was something [TS]

00:12:25   retro they might want to pick up like [TS]

00:12:27   the meeting or something [TS]

00:12:28   ya like like it was like it was [TS]

00:12:30   artisanal emailing and I said I said [TS]

00:12:36   well yeah we did we sent letters back [TS]

00:12:38   and forth because that was that that was [TS]

00:12:40   all we had the family with you [TS]

00:12:42   communicate with someone when they were [TS]

00:12:44   young once you run out of pigeons or [TS]

00:12:46   signal flags like they sent me they sent [TS]

00:12:50   me a postcard because otherwise I didn't [TS]

00:12:53   hear from them for nine months and the [TS]

00:12:55   and this person like you something them [TS]

00:12:57   look off and go oh right right why men [TS]

00:13:02   look back at me kind of like good and [TS]

00:13:05   you could see that they saw me they they [TS]

00:13:07   saw bowler hat on my head [TS]

00:13:09   the monocle and spats that's like yeah i [TS]

00:13:13   know i'm up i'm old person nice snuffbox [TS]

00:13:18   i have a i still have a box that has a [TS]

00:13:22   bunch of letter letters from girls and [TS]

00:13:24   it's tied together with a little rhythm [TS]

00:13:25   dear john you are the biggest asshole [TS]

00:13:28   ever i burned online in a Weber grill [TS]

00:13:31   you didn't now god yeah I used to have a [TS]

00:13:34   man in separate boxes by my girlfriend [TS]

00:13:39   first [TS]

00:13:40   ok divert some of them were big boxes [TS]

00:13:42   some of the really angry ones are small [TS]

00:13:44   boxes [TS]

00:13:45   and and then pin i will point us you [TS]

00:13:47   know cleaning out some of my stuff out [TS]

00:13:49   of my mom's house and I was like I can't [TS]

00:13:51   pack this woman to do this I can't take [TS]

00:13:52   this home so I went out and I just [TS]

00:13:54   started up the grill [TS]

00:13:56   you know oh yeah I found some starlight [TS]

00:13:58   mints and some ticket stubs and just let [TS]

00:14:01   her rip [TS]

00:14:02   I mean you know but yeah but I i was [TS]

00:14:05   exactly the same 90 to me there was a [TS]

00:14:07   big passing notes culture in high school [TS]

00:14:10   just certain way you'd fold the note you [TS]

00:14:11   passed in between classes and became [TS]

00:14:13   like some kind of a I don't know and [TS]

00:14:16   adenoid all underground railroad we're [TS]

00:14:18   actually you know move messages back and [TS]

00:14:19   forth [TS]

00:14:20   yeah i still have several notes a [TS]

00:14:23   collected from that time that it sits on [TS]

00:14:26   one piece of paper and in the the top of [TS]

00:14:29   the paper in my handwriting it says be [TS]

00:14:32   my girlfriend [TS]

00:14:34   oh and then it's folded 25 times and [TS]

00:14:38   lamination perfect natural and then [TS]

00:14:40   underneath that written in like a purple [TS]

00:14:43   pen is I would not be your girlfriend if [TS]

00:14:46   you were the last boy on earth and then [TS]

00:14:49   I under that is in my handwriting it [TS]

00:14:52   says you know you want to be my [TS]

00:14:54   girlfriend stop being coy you minx and [TS]

00:14:58   then under that it says you are the [TS]

00:15:02   grossest boy this spirit why are you [TS]

00:15:05   writing notes and I swear to you I i I'm [TS]

00:15:07   not I'm not even kidding and it goes [TS]

00:15:09   down one side of a of a piece of [TS]

00:15:11   notebook paper and up the other and I'm [TS]

00:15:14   saying if I'm so gross why are you.why [TS]

00:15:16   do exactly as long as the customers [TS]

00:15:19   talking the salesman it's still closing [TS]

00:15:21   that's right and she says I'm doing it [TS]

00:15:23   because this is boring and I'm you know [TS]

00:15:26   and I'm transcribing I'm transcribing [TS]

00:15:28   this noted my own notebook as evidence [TS]

00:15:30   we need you know when you try to kill me [TS]

00:15:33   or whatever we go back and forth in this [TS]

00:15:35   girl ended up being my girlfriend i have [TS]

00:15:36   like a stack of notes of me winning her [TS]

00:15:40   she was my high school girlfriend was [TS]

00:15:44   much higher status than I was she was [TS]

00:15:47   going into 11th grade she was absolutely [TS]

00:15:52   the queen of our shoes the she was a [TS]

00:15:55   four-point-oh she was the president of [TS]

00:15:57   the junior class you [TS]

00:15:58   captain of the cross-country running [TS]

00:15:59   team she was all these things she was [TS]

00:16:03   absolutely the Queen and I was the [TS]

00:16:06   nerves as a set before last in our class [TS]

00:16:09   you are i have memory serves you're [TS]

00:16:11   essentially asked the day there was a if [TS]

00:16:14   i remember right there was actually a [TS]

00:16:15   project amongst the teachers and [TS]

00:16:18   administrators to make sure that you [TS]

00:16:19   found the door with dispatch [TS]

00:16:22   that's right they tried it they they [TS]

00:16:24   they they tried to see if i could spend [TS]

00:16:25   all of high school in detention and they [TS]

00:16:27   realized that that wasn't going to that [TS]

00:16:28   wasn't gonna work so like let's just [TS]

00:16:30   keep it movin keep it movin out the door [TS]

00:16:33   but so I i said i set myself this is you [TS]

00:16:36   know at this age I don't I I haven't [TS]

00:16:39   done a thing like this in years but I [TS]

00:16:41   set my sights on her and i said i'm [TS]

00:16:45   going to make Kelly Kieffer my [TS]

00:16:48   girlfriend it almost never works [TS]

00:16:52   no no and it was this is very easy to [TS]

00:16:55   even if not you but even if one is super [TS]

00:16:57   creepy especially maybe but it almost [TS]

00:17:00   never works [TS]

00:17:01   it's very it was very very john hughes [TS]

00:17:04   because i was a you know that I had [TS]

00:17:09   absolutely nothing to recommend me like [TS]

00:17:13   there was no way that this girl who sat [TS]

00:17:16   at the front of the class wearing a an [TS]

00:17:19   argyle sweater and like had the answers [TS]

00:17:23   every question was ever going to ever go [TS]

00:17:25   on a single date with the kid in the [TS]

00:17:28   back of the class that had spaghetti [TS]

00:17:29   sauce on his shirt and was you know [TS]

00:17:33   what's back there going bad that and and [TS]

00:17:39   yet through this through these notes the [TS]

00:17:42   passing of these notes and by my [TS]

00:17:45   relentlessness just like listen you [TS]

00:17:48   don't think so yet but one day you will [TS]

00:17:51   love me and when it happens I will I [TS]

00:17:55   will try very hard not to tease you [TS]

00:17:58   about all the time all the time that you [TS]

00:18:02   were sure that this wasn't going to [TS]

00:18:04   happen i'm gonna try very hard not to [TS]

00:18:07   have this be a thing that [TS]

00:18:08   that like I make fun of you about later [TS]

00:18:10   and she was like you are the you are you [TS]

00:18:14   have so much foot spa and you're so [TS]

00:18:16   repulsive but i don't even have the [TS]

00:18:17   words to reject you as fully as I want [TS]

00:18:21   to reject you and I was like that's fine [TS]

00:18:24   that's fine you just keep talking a [TS]

00:18:26   little lady and little by little and she [TS]

00:18:29   said the turning point she maintained [TS]

00:18:34   this she maintained this like [TS]

00:18:36   impenetrable wall until christmas break [TS]

00:18:40   and she and her family went to Mexico [TS]

00:18:42   and they were sitting in a hotel and at [TS]

00:18:46   this during my junior year I was famous [TS]

00:18:48   citywide in Anchorage for being the [TS]

00:18:51   master toilet paper i would enter a [TS]

00:18:55   neighborhood and I would toilet paper [TS]

00:18:57   that neighborhood absolutely into [TS]

00:18:59   submission until until people like thin [TS]

00:19:03   please you know I would knock on [TS]

00:19:05   somebody's door a kid I knew that's a [TS]

00:19:08   man i'm out toilet-papering neighborhood [TS]

00:19:09   i'm out of toilet paper can I borrow [TS]

00:19:10   some toilet paper and the kid would like [TS]

00:19:13   go inside and bring me out a big 12 pack [TS]

00:19:15   of toilet paper be like yeah I go get a [TS]

00:19:16   man and they shut the door and i would [TS]

00:19:18   start toilet-papering their house with [TS]

00:19:20   their own toilet paper [TS]

00:19:21   I was a terrible terrible teenager and [TS]

00:19:24   Kelly said she was sitting in a in a [TS]

00:19:26   condo in mazatlán with her family and [TS]

00:19:29   they were looking out over the beach and [TS]

00:19:32   a single roll of toilet paper came from [TS]

00:19:35   higher up in the hotel and she saw it [TS]

00:19:37   fall in front of her balcony and as it [TS]

00:19:42   fell she realized that she loved me like [TS]

00:19:45   it's trading stocks it was shooting star [TS]

00:19:48   and she she said from that moment on [TS]

00:19:50   that you know I own her body and soul [TS]

00:19:53   and I had no idea I was still back in [TS]

00:19:56   Anchorage like to do when you know when [TS]

00:19:58   school starts again I'm going to resume [TS]

00:19:59   my letter writing campaign and she came [TS]

00:20:02   back in and apparently you know she saw [TS]

00:20:05   me in a new light hurt her new eyes did [TS]

00:20:08   not see that spaghetti sauce [TS]

00:20:10   or loved it and it lasts for a while it [TS]

00:20:15   didn't mean she was my shoes my only [TS]

00:20:17   girlfriend in high school and this is [TS]

00:20:19   the Irish the corners that assist the [TS]

00:20:22   redheaded cornrows girl yeah wow yeah [TS]

00:20:25   and you know she's now is a she is a [TS]

00:20:29   well as far as I understand she's the [TS]

00:20:31   chief of residence at Dartmouth hospital [TS]

00:20:34   and is a one of those people [TS]

00:20:38   one of the people that wears a white [TS]

00:20:39   coat that has pens in the pocket that [TS]

00:20:42   people make sure you for free it and and [TS]

00:20:46   speaks to you kind of been in clipped [TS]

00:20:48   abrupt tones about your own insides she [TS]

00:20:52   committed to anybody at this point you [TS]

00:20:53   do I get yeah it's strange how she got [TS]

00:20:58   married to a wonderful man named Seth [TS]

00:21:00   and I i actually like set a lot better [TS]

00:21:04   than I like cat many wonderful man named [TS]

00:21:06   south [TS]

00:21:06   well this skin thing is ever Seth had [TS]

00:21:08   every strike against him he a has a [TS]

00:21:11   ponytail be is from California SI è [TS]

00:21:16   he's a Seth right you mean you're like [TS]

00:21:19   me Seth and he's some kind of brain [TS]

00:21:23   scientist but not a doctor like a brain [TS]

00:21:26   scientist who isn't a doctor [TS]

00:21:28   there's a lot of things about it guess [TS]

00:21:30   that must be like the inner bearing [TS]

00:21:31   Midwife that's exactly what it is like I [TS]

00:21:34   look at him all the time and I'm like [TS]

00:21:35   why didn't you just be quiet just got a [TS]

00:21:37   little extra way and be a doctor if [TS]

00:21:40   you're going to be a brain scientist but [TS]

00:21:41   he but that's part of his sethness you [TS]

00:21:43   know he's like oh no I really like this [TS]

00:21:45   brain science [TS]

00:21:47   I'm like yeah I know but dude a little [TS]

00:21:49   bit you know be a doctor your epaulets [TS]

00:21:51   have a little bit more scrambled eggs on [TS]

00:21:53   them and then everybody gets out your [TS]

00:21:55   way he's like a little wanted without my [TS]

00:21:57   way such assets that thing that I sit on [TS]

00:22:01   the stool and i put this stuff from this [TS]

00:22:02   petri dish into that p tradition [TS]

00:22:05   I'm like a it's really frustrating you [TS]

00:22:07   don't understand anything but he's it [TS]

00:22:09   turns out and when when when that when [TS]

00:22:11   Kelly started dating Seth I was like [TS]

00:22:14   this is this is not gonna work this dumb [TS]

00:22:16   hippie he doesn't know anything [TS]

00:22:18   Kelly was like no he's nice and I like [TS]

00:22:20   him [TS]

00:22:22   yeah they got married and they had a [TS]

00:22:25   couple of kids kids are nice and set [TS]

00:22:27   this nice [TS]

00:22:28   the only problem is kelly is a terrible [TS]

00:22:30   person ok but that just goes I mean you [TS]

00:22:34   don't get to be the you don't get to be [TS]

00:22:36   the the chief resident to Dartmouth [TS]

00:22:40   hospital without being a terrible person [TS]

00:22:41   you know I mean no idea i mean like [TS]

00:22:45   that's the kind of profession where you [TS]

00:22:46   don't go in that to be a nice cornrowed [TS]

00:22:49   lady that's or or guy i mean that's [TS]

00:22:51   those people are there animals the other [TS]

00:22:53   animals and everything she's one of [TS]

00:22:54   these people everytime i send her an [TS]

00:22:55   email i get an auto reply telling me [TS]

00:22:58   auto reply that isn't like out of the [TS]

00:23:00   office for two days I get a reply that [TS]

00:23:02   that is like a page and a half of [TS]

00:23:05   boilerplate telling me that my [TS]

00:23:07   correspondence is confidential and she [TS]

00:23:10   can't answer emails and you know there's [TS]

00:23:13   like seven hundred different clauses and [TS]

00:23:16   I right I was right and say get a [TS]

00:23:18   fucking personal email address asshole [TS]

00:23:21   like you know she might have 100 think [TS]

00:23:25   if you think I don't like that she's a [TS]

00:23:27   busy lady she's only got so much purple [TS]

00:23:29   pen left up to the kids to take care of [TS]

00:23:32   because of the clean is the worst [TS]

00:23:35   yeah that's it that's a shame but you [TS]

00:23:37   know what I'm proud of you though it [TS]

00:23:38   just shows you that you got you got [TS]

00:23:39   gumption you get stick-to-itiveness I [TS]

00:23:41   used to have come from Merlin I used to [TS]

00:23:42   be a mission don't don't be that way [TS]

00:23:45   you've got competition doesn't have [TS]

00:23:46   gumption where you expected to be and I [TS]

00:23:48   think that frustrates you got plenty of [TS]

00:23:50   gumption our users are you saying that I [TS]

00:23:52   might have Duncan in areas i don't i'm [TS]

00:23:55   not i am not i'm going to go look for [TS]

00:23:57   the can opener on this side of gumption [TS]

00:23:59   i have dumped in other places and then [TS]

00:24:01   somewhat summer right in the center of [TS]

00:24:03   my heads up display there's like a burn [TS]

00:24:06   hole where the gumption that I want you [TS]

00:24:08   know what you go to war with the comes [TS]

00:24:10   when you have enough gumption you want [TS]

00:24:11   that's right [TS]

00:24:12   absolutely there's the gumption we know [TS]

00:24:13   and they'll come showing no we don't [TS]

00:24:15   know now right yeah i think it's a lot [TS]

00:24:17   that she was a runner and she knew that [TS]

00:24:19   she could get away if she had to yeah [TS]

00:24:22   doesn't hold my wife's running she's [TS]

00:24:25   like a middle-distance runner and did [TS]

00:24:26   marathons and stuff and I think that's [TS]

00:24:29   part of the why she would why she would [TS]

00:24:31   even consider you know looking into [TS]

00:24:32   something like this Kelly was one of [TS]

00:24:34   those high school girls that was [TS]

00:24:35   so full of sass that she has yes she [TS]

00:24:39   would take she would take a man she [TS]

00:24:41   would sassa rhinoceros to its face like [TS]

00:24:44   she had no compunction she was there was [TS]

00:24:47   no said no worries at all she knew where [TS]

00:24:49   she was going she when she would choose [TS]

00:24:51   one of those 15 year olds that knew she [TS]

00:24:52   was gonna be the chief residents that [TS]

00:24:54   are the hospital and just get out of our [TS]

00:24:56   way and that was you know that that was [TS]

00:24:59   definitely part of why she was so [TS]

00:25:02   interesting to me and what I and and I [TS]

00:25:05   was trying to overcome the fact that i [TS]

00:25:08   had no idea even when I was in that [TS]

00:25:10   moment I let alone where i was going [TS]

00:25:13   spaghetti stink really i mean i was [TS]

00:25:16   sitting there like I don't know should I [TS]

00:25:18   start [TS]

00:25:18   should I take up tobacco or should I or [TS]

00:25:22   should I go should join the Peace Corps [TS]

00:25:24   or should I just like should I just die [TS]

00:25:28   right now I've got to quote the great [TS]

00:25:29   day John he is he didn't know whether to [TS]

00:25:31   shit or go sailing [TS]

00:25:32   that's exactly right and and how how [TS]

00:25:36   does that recommend you to anybody like [TS]

00:25:38   hello how are you I'm fine I'm going to [TS]

00:25:40   be a doctor what are you going to be uh [TS]

00:25:42   but you're even like do you know what's [TS]

00:25:46   his name matt dillon you weren't even [TS]

00:25:47   like that Outsiders kind of character [TS]

00:25:49   right you're like a leather jacket guy [TS]

00:25:51   right you're right where you want an [TS]

00:25:54   orange flight suit anymore at this point [TS]

00:25:56   right your preppy did you dress like a [TS]

00:25:58   preppy well I dressed like I I like I do [TS]

00:26:01   now which is like there's a there's a [TS]

00:26:03   there's a base coat of preppy right you [TS]

00:26:06   take them to take the naked person who [TS]

00:26:07   if you put on a base coat that 80 primer [TS]

00:26:10   yeah and then on top of that you put a [TS]

00:26:13   you put it like a second coat of like [TS]

00:26:16   north west wall north west wall [TS]

00:26:20   necessity and then the top coat is like [TS]

00:26:25   a like except [TS]

00:26:29   Rick bonkers or or Ignatius p Riley you [TS]

00:26:34   know like he got get preppy and then [TS]

00:26:37   then just walnuts st and then and then [TS]

00:26:42   like bonkers hat hates bonkers hat scarf [TS]

00:26:46   and then just the private the private [TS]

00:26:48   comforts that can only come from roomie [TS]

00:26:50   corduroy yeah and so and so during the [TS]

00:26:52   grunge ears like I definitely wasn't [TS]

00:26:56   grunge and all the grandkids were like [TS]

00:26:58   what the hell is that but the but the [TS]

00:26:59   but the but the bunkers on top of the [TS]

00:27:02   Northwest wall it was just like right [TS]

00:27:04   okay sure it there's enough there was [TS]

00:27:08   enough like overlap with grunge with the [TS]

00:27:10   grunge look that like okay the boots and [TS]

00:27:12   the hat okay you're in right and it and [TS]

00:27:15   growing up in Anchorage it was the same [TS]

00:27:16   thing like well you remember when [TS]

00:27:19   Columbine happened people were [TS]

00:27:23   describing those two kids and and the [TS]

00:27:25   fact that they call themselves the [TS]

00:27:26   trench coat mafia and they were they [TS]

00:27:29   were obsessed with guns and they felt [TS]

00:27:31   like outsiders and remember at the time [TS]

00:27:33   thinking you know I would have known [TS]

00:27:36   those kids if I had been at that high [TS]

00:27:39   school I would have been friends with [TS]

00:27:41   them and in a sense at my own high [TS]

00:27:45   school I was the equivalence kind of [TS]

00:27:49   trench coat mafia where if you asked me [TS]

00:27:52   I would have said yeah I would you know [TS]

00:27:54   I'm a total outsider but in fact i was [TS]

00:27:56   functioning member of the school and and [TS]

00:28:02   actually an insider but i had i did have [TS]

00:28:05   a trench coat and it had a skull and [TS]

00:28:07   crossbones painted on the back in white [TS]

00:28:10   out [TS]

00:28:11   and it was big skull and crossbones it i [TS]

00:28:15   used an entire couple of jars and you [TS]

00:28:17   know I don't gots make errors too haha [TS]

00:28:19   sand and I and I did this then this is [TS]

00:28:23   the this is the top coat of bonkers [TS]

00:28:25   where it was like sure trench coat and [TS]

00:28:29   it was it was a like a world war one [TS]

00:28:31   trench coat that i bought an army-navy [TS]

00:28:33   surplus store and then I just I felt [TS]

00:28:35   like it needed something and I realized [TS]

00:28:38   it needed a skull and crossbones and why [TS]

00:28:42   and and and what was I going to how was [TS]

00:28:44   I going to get the skull and crossbones [TS]

00:28:45   on the trench coat white out too because [TS]

00:28:47   whiteout was was my main artistic medium [TS]

00:28:51   at the time right why thats everywhere [TS]

00:28:53   it was kind of a new smells good it's [TS]

00:28:56   available [TS]

00:28:57   smells good it has a brush right there [TS]

00:28:59   who and you know at a high school you [TS]

00:29:02   you can you can avail yourself of [TS]

00:29:05   whiteout [TS]

00:29:06   it's a unlimited supply it's not like [TS]

00:29:09   spray paint we gotta go to show your [TS]

00:29:10   license or something you can pick that [TS]

00:29:11   up anywhere right there medium and wide [TS]

00:29:14   out you know i mean it and it it's [TS]

00:29:16   pretty it's pretty weather resistant so [TS]

00:29:20   now trying to picture the scene me [TS]

00:29:23   walking down the hall of my high school [TS]

00:29:25   in this and then it was it was it was [TS]

00:29:27   pre duster era but it was a very long [TS]

00:29:29   trench coat was ankle length trench coat [TS]

00:29:31   with the skull and crossbones on the [TS]

00:29:32   back it is it is ludicrous [TS]

00:29:36   it is it hit it is if you if you needed [TS]

00:29:40   a if you needed a picture in the [TS]

00:29:42   dictionary next to geek [TS]

00:29:45   it's complicated because you're not even [TS]

00:29:47   sure which part to begin making fun of [TS]

00:29:49   right but you so there's so many aspects [TS]

00:29:52   to to the layers of bunkers in that but [TS]

00:29:54   but but at the same time you really [TS]

00:29:56   couldn't make fun of it because I was [TS]

00:29:57   already six and a half feet tall and [TS]

00:30:00   like I had a I was pretty serious about [TS]

00:30:02   it you know I was pretty serious about [TS]

00:30:04   like look out look out do you see I am [TS]

00:30:07   poison and it sets the right now on the [TS]

00:30:11   back and white apt I can take dangerous [TS]

00:30:13   skull and crossbones what does that mean [TS]

00:30:16   to you [TS]

00:30:17   united Islam eating that's right that's [TS]

00:30:20   right and so you know I [TS]

00:30:23   so now try and picture and picture [TS]

00:30:25   anybody being interested in picture and [TS]

00:30:27   Kelly I got to be honest with you and [TS]

00:30:30   she's this you know she's this will we [TS]

00:30:31   super high school superstar with auburn [TS]

00:30:35   hair like a like an Irish setter and and [TS]

00:30:39   it was you know and and then breakfast [TS]

00:30:41   club came out and we're at this practice [TS]

00:30:45   khlo God hears the like here's the the [TS]

00:30:47   pretty redhead girl and here's the John [TS]

00:30:50   bender character who you know who had [TS]

00:30:54   been Hollywood eyes enough less than [TS]

00:30:56   what about you dad guy [TS]

00:30:58   yeah exactly he'd been Hollywood eyes [TS]

00:31:00   enough so that the the the set dressers [TS]

00:31:02   on the fillmore like should we put a [TS]

00:31:03   whiteout skull and crossbones on the [TS]

00:31:05   back of his trench coat [TS]

00:31:06   no that's too far but you know he was [TS]

00:31:11   and the problem the problem was and this [TS]

00:31:14   probably was true of you we were all [TS]

00:31:16   every one of those people & Breakfast [TS]

00:31:18   Club that was the why the movie was [TS]

00:31:19   successful [TS]

00:31:20   every kid could look at every one of [TS]

00:31:22   those kids actually the epilogue to the [TS]

00:31:23   movie and I'm kind of your city yeah [TS]

00:31:25   when I gonna walk by the goalposts I [TS]

00:31:27   think that's actually what what it reads [TS]

00:31:29   were all everyone they're all reading [TS]

00:31:30   from the thing that they wrote you know [TS]

00:31:32   for that the guy from right [TS]

00:31:34   Trading Places 48 hours which holds hit [TS]

00:31:37   that one guys are the principal wasn't [TS]

00:31:39   he didn't have a because you're the [TS]

00:31:42   great character actors you didn't do a [TS]

00:31:44   movie with a monkey he didn't I think [TS]

00:31:46   you sodomized by a monkey [TS]

00:31:47   oh no you're saying the guy that's like [TS]

00:31:49   two months I got you [TS]

00:31:51   yeah you don't want to say get the ball [TS]

00:31:53   the ball mess with the bull you get the [TS]

00:31:55   horns that guy [TS]

00:31:56   well you get the horn the great line [TS]

00:31:58   guys like he's a great actor [TS]

00:32:00   yeah he's the one he's the one who does [TS]

00:32:02   the jam up on not to derail you just [TS]

00:32:04   came up on dan Aykroyd and trading [TS]

00:32:05   places great movie [TS]

00:32:06   right exactly does the B does the jam [TS]

00:32:09   appease the vegetarian in the next guys [TS]

00:32:11   pocket [TS]

00:32:12   uh he's won he's the one that the [TS]

00:32:13   brothers bring him i love that movie is [TS]

00:32:16   such a touchdown [TS]

00:32:18   so every time every every Christmas I [TS]

00:32:21   dress like a dress like santa and i [TS]

00:32:22   always put a full smoked salmon in my [TS]

00:32:24   dear [TS]

00:32:25   in homage I man there's so much here I [TS]

00:32:32   like I i had trying not to talk about [TS]

00:32:34   myself but I totally i feel i feel the [TS]

00:32:36   same way in two ways first of all at the [TS]

00:32:38   time I would have done someone I told [TS]

00:32:41   you I used to walk around with my [TS]

00:32:42   members only epaulets on hold because I [TS]

00:32:45   thought that really haha my way don't [TS]

00:32:49   you just do this [TS]

00:32:50   they're just putting a little bit of [TS]

00:32:51   extra Flair on that time yeah you're not [TS]

00:32:53   doing this [TS]

00:32:54   Hey look at this I got this members only [TS]

00:32:55   jacket down at the unit down the flea [TS]

00:32:58   market and so it's not a real members [TS]

00:33:00   only jacket i got the am wearing knee [TS]

00:33:01   pads i slide down the halls on my knees [TS]

00:33:03   and it's a thing I do and I i thought i [TS]

00:33:06   was like such an outsider but the second [TS]

00:33:08   part that the really in retrospect the [TS]

00:33:09   parts of the real head head slapper is [TS]

00:33:12   the whole like oh you know I i wasn't [TS]

00:33:15   really outside it's the kids that i was [TS]

00:33:17   sitting around making fun of that we're [TS]

00:33:19   really outside because i was [TS]

00:33:20   extraordinarily as much as I'd like to [TS]

00:33:22   consider myself like in retrospect Peter [TS]

00:33:24   Parker character or something it wasn't [TS]

00:33:26   I was I had I had a date ridiculously [TS]

00:33:29   sarcastic and cutting with that made a [TS]

00:33:32   lot of people feel really bad and i'm [TS]

00:33:33   sitting around acting like I'm Jeff [TS]

00:33:35   Nelson I want [TS]

00:33:36   yeah I that speaking of two graphic [TS]

00:33:39   novels i just received in the mail a [TS]

00:33:41   very interesting graphic novel as a gift [TS]

00:33:44   from somebody which is is a book but [TS]

00:33:47   about going to high school with Jeffrey [TS]

00:33:49   Dahmer huh [TS]

00:33:51   and this this comic book artist who's an [TS]

00:33:53   artist that I'm that I'm familiar with [TS]

00:33:55   from like alternative weekly magazines [TS]

00:33:59   he's been he's been writing comics for [TS]

00:34:02   years and years and he's one of the you [TS]

00:34:04   know he's one of the great she would [TS]

00:34:05   recognize his work but it turns out this [TS]

00:34:06   guy [TS]

00:34:07   coincidentally went to high school with [TS]

00:34:08   Dahmer and was and wrote this [TS]

00:34:11   autobiography which is basically saying [TS]

00:34:14   the same thing like we thought we were [TS]

00:34:16   real you know real nerds and outsiders [TS]

00:34:19   and Dahmer was our was our was kind of [TS]

00:34:22   our mascot but in reality Dahmer was [TS]

00:34:27   messed up and we and and we let him into [TS]

00:34:32   our gang only enough that that he was [TS]

00:34:35   kind of our pet because he was such a [TS]

00:34:38   weird [TS]

00:34:38   and we loved having this weird mascot [TS]

00:34:42   that we could walk around school and [TS]

00:34:44   like Dahmer imitated having cerebral [TS]

00:34:47   palsy and we all thought that was [TS]

00:34:49   hilarious and that was kind of our it [TS]

00:34:52   was one of our motifs mean they went to [TS]

00:34:54   school in the seventies right before [TS]

00:34:56   image but before pretending to have [TS]

00:34:58   cerebral palsy was considered man far [TS]

00:35:00   with everybody's doing it at John factor [TS]

00:35:02   ya back Dorf back turf turf [TS]

00:35:06   alright dirty doesn't derf yeah [TS]

00:35:08   apparently um and so this so this book [TS]

00:35:13   is really is is really heartbreaking [TS]

00:35:15   because he's talking about the armor [TS]

00:35:18   before he had you know when he was still [TS]

00:35:20   out in the woods gathering animal [TS]

00:35:23   skeletons or he was still picking up [TS]

00:35:26   roadkill before he'd never hurt anybody [TS]

00:35:28   and it's like in that you know harming [TS]

00:35:32   cats days [TS]

00:35:33   well it was even before he was he was [TS]

00:35:34   harming cats he did a lot of he didn't [TS]

00:35:36   do a lot of an alarming he ended up [TS]

00:35:38   doing it yeah in it as a you know animal [TS]

00:35:40   harming is kind of a gateway drug to [TS]

00:35:42   totally to like killing boys but this [TS]

00:35:47   was still when he was just picking up [TS]

00:35:48   dead animals out of the woods and [TS]

00:35:51   expressing like an unusual on natural [TS]

00:35:54   fascination with them but so this guy is [TS]

00:35:58   telling the story and it's like and he's [TS]

00:36:00   looking back kind of with a feeling of [TS]

00:36:02   responsibility but also pointing a real [TS]

00:36:05   finger at the adults at the time and [TS]

00:36:08   saying this kid was getting wasted drunk [TS]

00:36:12   before school every day and trying in [TS]

00:36:16   every way to cope with what was going on [TS]

00:36:19   in his mind and he was being ignored by [TS]

00:36:22   the by the faculty and the kids were [TS]

00:36:24   just you know we let we let him into our [TS]

00:36:25   gang because he was he was such a [TS]

00:36:27   because he you know he reinforced our [TS]

00:36:30   kind of like where the where the funny [TS]

00:36:33   kids were the where the Bender's money [TS]

00:36:38   might immediately to state the obvious [TS]

00:36:39   he probably seemed emblematic of the [TS]

00:36:41   edginess they wish that they had and [TS]

00:36:44   having him around let some of that from [TS]

00:36:46   a certain remove [TS]

00:36:47   yeah he was he was a legitimate outsider [TS]

00:36:50   and they kind of like took as much of [TS]

00:36:53   that as they were comfortable with on [TS]

00:36:54   onto themselves but as he says in his [TS]

00:36:57   book as jeff says in his book like we [TS]

00:36:58   never invited him over to our house we [TS]

00:37:00   would we would hang out with him at the [TS]

00:37:02   mall [TS]

00:37:03   as long as he was funny and then we [TS]

00:37:06   would stand there right in front of him [TS]

00:37:07   and make plans for later in the night [TS]

00:37:09   and not included [TS]

00:37:10   um but Dahmer if you if you read his his [TS]

00:37:15   own kind of after he was caught his own [TS]

00:37:18   writings or his own confessions he's [TS]

00:37:21   talking about the same period in his [TS]

00:37:22   life where he is feeling these urges and [TS]

00:37:26   trying to suppress them knowing the [TS]

00:37:28   wrong [TS]

00:37:29   um so where he still had that kind of [TS]

00:37:32   not distance exactly but he could still [TS]

00:37:34   see that what he was doing was like you [TS]

00:37:38   know it's one thing to say like certain [TS]

00:37:40   people who have a certain kind of like [TS]

00:37:41   deliver it [TS]

00:37:42   cruelty kind of if you like evil where [TS]

00:37:44   you're deliberately harming things are [TS]

00:37:47   people just for the purpose of harming [TS]

00:37:49   them and enjoying it but he was still [TS]

00:37:51   had a certain amount of remover might [TS]

00:37:52   like feel a little bad about it all he [TS]

00:37:54   felt terrible and you know when he he he [TS]

00:37:57   was wrestling with the fact that he was [TS]

00:37:59   gay and he and he couldn't he couldn't [TS]

00:38:03   obviously admit that to anybody in 1977 [TS]

00:38:06   but he also had this he had this desire [TS]

00:38:10   to be in complete control to of a living [TS]

00:38:13   thing to the point that he would torture [TS]

00:38:16   it and and kill any knew it was wrong [TS]

00:38:18   but but it was an overwhelming urge i [TS]

00:38:23   guess and ended up [TS]

00:38:25   certainly he ended up expressing that [TS]

00:38:27   but it was but there was to read this to [TS]

00:38:30   read this graphic novel is to you know [TS]

00:38:33   to be put kind of into this moment in [TS]

00:38:35   this kid's life where you're like oh you [TS]

00:38:39   in there it was still possible for [TS]

00:38:40   someone maybe to have intervened and [TS]

00:38:43   directed him in in like somewhere else [TS]

00:38:46   instead of like when you first realize [TS]

00:38:49   that your kid is collecting [TS]

00:38:52   a roadkill in jars of formaldehyde in [TS]

00:38:56   the barn out back of the house like do [TS]

00:38:59   you have a talk with him like he knows [TS]

00:39:02   you're kid cries when they come home [TS]

00:39:03   from church are you notice that they're [TS]

00:39:05   not doing when they sit in the back of [TS]

00:39:06   the classroom you try to put one and one [TS]

00:39:07   together about these things that why [TS]

00:39:09   they're not thriving right right kind of [TS]

00:39:12   annoying [TS]

00:39:12   yeah nobody did that in this instance [TS]

00:39:14   but I think about those Columbine kids [TS]

00:39:16   in that same way when that happened I [TS]

00:39:19   thought about myself in high school and [TS]

00:39:21   I was like I was you know I was building [TS]

00:39:23   pipe bombs with my friends and we were [TS]

00:39:27   going out on weekends and blowing up [TS]

00:39:31   parked cars freely [TS]

00:39:36   yeah you need to get harmed parked cars [TS]

00:39:39   yeah and it's not think that I've ever [TS]

00:39:41   talk about because I wasn't sure about [TS]

00:39:43   the statute of limitations but i think [TS]

00:39:45   it's passed on blowing up the phone [TS]

00:39:46   blowing up cars but you know we were we [TS]

00:39:49   we learned we all have the anarchist [TS]

00:39:51   cookbook and the anarchists cookbook is [TS]

00:39:54   great except it doesn't really quite go [TS]

00:39:57   far enough [TS]

00:39:59   we tried to make our own black powder we [TS]

00:40:01   realized after the after we had spent [TS]

00:40:04   weeks and weeks working on a black [TS]

00:40:06   powder mixture we realize two things one [TS]

00:40:08   we're making very effective smoke bombs [TS]

00:40:11   but that making black powder was harder [TS]

00:40:14   than just mixing three ingredients black [TS]

00:40:18   powder is essentially three ingredients [TS]

00:40:19   but it's you know just mix them in like [TS]

00:40:22   rough quantities and start with a wooden [TS]

00:40:24   spoon and then yeah black powder [TS]

00:40:26   I mean there's not that many ingredients [TS]

00:40:28   to make coke but you got another right [TS]

00:40:30   mix together i know the right things [TS]

00:40:31   right and so we had all these different [TS]

00:40:33   black powder mixtures that we've been [TS]

00:40:35   working on and they all turned out to be [TS]

00:40:36   like basically smoke they made smoke [TS]

00:40:39   they make they made acrid smoke and then [TS]

00:40:42   we realized you know what they sell [TS]

00:40:43   black powder at the fred meyer because [TS]

00:40:45   we live in alaska and it's 1983 and [TS]

00:40:49   people still are hunting with black [TS]

00:40:51   powder muskets up here what it was a [TS]

00:40:54   thing [TS]

00:40:54   ok it was a thing guys that should come [TS]

00:40:57   to portland just what he's got [TS]

00:40:58   hey guys were hunting with muskets still [TS]

00:41:00   local whores with with the blender butts [TS]

00:41:03   and so you could go to the fred meyer [TS]

00:41:05   and for like five dollars by a can of [TS]

00:41:07   smokeless powder and it wasn't even [TS]

00:41:09   behind the counter it was just out in [TS]

00:41:11   the aisles [TS]

00:41:12   Wow and there were multiple times Merlin [TS]

00:41:14   I swear to you in the mid-eighties where [TS]

00:41:16   I would as a fifteen-year-old walk up to [TS]

00:41:20   the checkout counter at a friend Meyer [TS]

00:41:22   with three cans of black powder five [TS]

00:41:25   lengths of of lead pipe and no no now [TS]

00:41:31   yeah and they would go to did king did [TS]

00:41:33   teenagers seat [TS]

00:41:35   yeah dude would you like your receipt [TS]

00:41:36   sir that the total comes to 2497 and I [TS]

00:41:39   would walk out with a bag of what could [TS]

00:41:42   only be bombs that ended up getting [TS]

00:41:46   expelled put it put on double-secret [TS]

00:41:48   emergency prep suspension from school [TS]

00:41:50   how they found in your locker room and [TS]

00:41:52   lock the practice school brought it to [TS]

00:41:54   school and told the teacher about it [TS]

00:41:56   because I was so proud of myself that I [TS]

00:41:58   was making and selling pipe bombs and [TS]

00:42:01   and he was deeply disappointed he was [TS]

00:42:03   very disappointed in me but we were [TS]

00:42:05   using these bombs to blow to you know we [TS]

00:42:09   were going out and and and blowing [TS]

00:42:10   things up and we were doing very [TS]

00:42:15   whimsically um but because you are a [TS]

00:42:19   highschool person a you do not have any [TS]

00:42:22   judgment whatsoever that we had no sense [TS]

00:42:25   that what we were doing was any [TS]

00:42:27   different then I accept that it was [TS]

00:42:30   cooler than what any other kids were [TS]

00:42:33   doing you know or that this was like the [TS]

00:42:35   this was just normal i don't know normal [TS]

00:42:38   i don't know that i stopped messing [TS]

00:42:40   around with pipe bombs when I was we [TS]

00:42:42   were pulling away from a party one time [TS]

00:42:43   and we had gone to a party in a [TS]

00:42:46   different high school and they were [TS]

00:42:47   anyone and they were like it was a lame [TS]

00:42:49   party and they were jerks to us and we [TS]

00:42:53   we climbed in my car and we were leaving [TS]

00:42:55   this party and my my friend who have [TS]

00:42:58   worse judgment than I did open the glove [TS]

00:43:01   compartment of my car and there was a [TS]

00:43:03   pipe bomb in there and we had figured [TS]

00:43:04   out that if you went to the if you if [TS]

00:43:06   you went to the the gun store if you [TS]

00:43:09   didn't buy your black powder at fred [TS]

00:43:11   meyer if you went to the gun store where [TS]

00:43:12   the guys were actually selling [TS]

00:43:13   blunderbusses [TS]

00:43:14   that they also sold can infuse literal [TS]

00:43:18   like fuse for your homemade cannon and [TS]

00:43:24   so we bought we bought 50 feet of this [TS]

00:43:26   cannon fuse and we stopped using the [TS]

00:43:29   solar igniters from from model rockets [TS]

00:43:32   to electrically ignite our pipe bombs [TS]

00:43:35   and we just stuck fuse and them and [TS]

00:43:37   started making basically pythons you [TS]

00:43:39   could live with a lighter and I had one [TS]

00:43:41   of these in my glove compartment and [TS]

00:43:43   this buddy of mine as we're leaving this [TS]

00:43:45   party just pull it out lights it and [TS]

00:43:49   throws it out the window like like an [TS]

00:43:50   anarchist like he made like almost like [TS]

00:43:52   one little bowling ball things you like [TS]

00:43:54   lip balm and threw it he lit a little [TS]

00:43:56   bomb that I that I had in in the the [TS]

00:43:59   wisdom of my youth that I had in the [TS]

00:44:01   glove compartment of my car in case I [TS]

00:44:03   needed it and he found it and had a [TS]

00:44:06   lighter because we were smoking pot [TS]

00:44:08   Hitler is and he was like i'll check it [TS]

00:44:11   out these guys at this party are [TS]

00:44:13   assholes [TS]

00:44:14   he lit it and threw it out the window [TS]

00:44:15   into the front yard of the house where [TS]

00:44:18   there were 350 kids at this party and as [TS]

00:44:24   a teenager I did the only thing that you [TS]

00:44:27   could do which was a slam on the gas and [TS]

00:44:32   I'm screaming at him [TS]

00:44:34   what the fuck did you just do and I'm [TS]

00:44:36   repealing out getting out of this [TS]

00:44:38   neighborhood and I and in my mind I'm [TS]

00:44:40   seeing that I've seen these bombs go off [TS]

00:44:42   and i know that this is a yard full of [TS]

00:44:45   kids this is a house full of kids [TS]

00:44:47   this bomb is going to go off its gonna [TS]

00:44:49   break every window in that house and it [TS]

00:44:51   is going to hurt somebody [TS]

00:44:53   it is going to kill somebody and I'm [TS]

00:44:56   like I've never felt a dread like i did [TS]

00:45:00   as i am driving away from this isn't [TS]

00:45:02   peeling out away from this place and the [TS]

00:45:05   and the guy next to me is like haha well [TS]

00:45:07   fuck those guys [TS]

00:45:09   and we get to the end of the block and [TS]

00:45:11   i'm waiting for [TS]

00:45:13   I'm waiting for the ground to shake [TS]

00:45:15   because these things are these pipelines [TS]

00:45:17   we were making were like real bombs and [TS]

00:45:24   nothing happens and when they I mean not [TS]

00:45:25   inside a lot about this one explodes [TS]

00:45:28   going to be the equivalent of shrapnel [TS]

00:45:29   he's gonna be Bassam metal hot metal [TS]

00:45:32   flying through the air at hundreds of [TS]

00:45:34   miles per hour [TS]

00:45:35   let's strap and all that that I mean we [TS]

00:45:37   we we tested one of these I mean we we [TS]

00:45:40   tested these things it all over and they [TS]

00:45:43   get that the the LED goes right through [TS]

00:45:47   a car like like just peppers it and I'm [TS]

00:45:53   sitting I'm sitting at the end of the [TS]

00:45:55   block waiting to hear this explosion and [TS]

00:45:57   and wondering like running down the [TS]

00:46:01   scenarios running down basically running [TS]

00:46:03   down me being brought in front of a [TS]

00:46:07   courtroom and being asked to explain why [TS]

00:46:11   I killed these kids and nothing happens [TS]

00:46:15   and I wait a couple of minutes and i [TS]

00:46:20   know how you know that I know how long [TS]

00:46:21   the fuse was and I mean nothing happens [TS]

00:46:24   so i turn the car around and we very [TS]

00:46:28   slowly drive past this party and then [TS]

00:46:31   everything is just part is just going on [TS]

00:46:33   and out in the middle of the yard is [TS]

00:46:37   this dud pipe bomb that didn't go off [TS]

00:46:41   and and i'm looking at it i'm thinking [TS]

00:46:47   what is my responsibility here I don't [TS]

00:46:51   want to run and grab this thing it could [TS]

00:46:54   go off at any moment I don't want to [TS]

00:46:56   stop and get out of the car and yell [TS]

00:46:58   bomb i don't want i want to be a half an [TS]

00:47:05   hour ago and have this not happen I mean [TS]

00:47:08   but also is there some part of you at [TS]

00:47:10   first my first thought sickly enough was [TS]

00:47:12   now it's evidence it's not a bomb now [TS]

00:47:13   it's it's evidence got your fingerprints [TS]

00:47:15   on it [TS]

00:47:16   well except now it's just [TS]

00:47:20   nine out of ten people are going to look [TS]

00:47:22   at and say what's this guy like what's [TS]

00:47:24   this length of pipe like it doesn't it [TS]

00:47:27   doesn't [TS]

00:47:28   if you are in the pipe bomb making [TS]

00:47:30   business it doesn't read as a bomb it [TS]

00:47:32   just reads like why did somebody put two [TS]

00:47:34   end caps on a short length of pipe and [TS]

00:47:38   it just sits there it sits there [TS]

00:47:40   throbbing in the lawn and my friends [TS]

00:47:42   like let's get out of here it's a dud [TS]

00:47:43   and you know there's a lot of those [TS]

00:47:44   things were duds [TS]

00:47:46   there's a lot of reasons why it would [TS]

00:47:48   have been done it was not a surprise but [TS]

00:47:52   I you know I kind of parked down the [TS]

00:47:54   block and watch the front yard of this [TS]

00:47:57   party not knowing what to do and she and [TS]

00:48:03   continuing to choose wrong which is to [TS]

00:48:05   sit there and watch it rather than go [TS]

00:48:06   like run in there and say everybody out [TS]

00:48:08   and it never went off and eventually I [TS]

00:48:12   was like let's just you know put it put [TS]

00:48:14   the car in reverse and like slowly [TS]

00:48:16   backed away and went on with our lives [TS]

00:48:18   but picturing how different my life [TS]

00:48:22   would be if that bomb had gone off and i [TS]

00:48:26   had and i don't mean to make that [TS]

00:48:28   equivalent to the to those kids at [TS]

00:48:30   Columbine who actively went into their [TS]

00:48:32   school and shot a bunch of people but [TS]

00:48:35   when that when the Columbine thing [TS]

00:48:37   happened I i was able to put myself in [TS]

00:48:40   their shoes pretty pretty easily because [TS]

00:48:45   I could identify with those with the [TS]

00:48:47   feelings that they had had and I mean I [TS]

00:48:49   was a full full grown adult but i [TS]

00:48:51   remembered i remember feeling that way [TS]

00:48:53   and i remembered thinking that I was [TS]

00:48:57   pretty that was pretty cool and it was [TS]

00:49:00   obvious those Columbine kids thought [TS]

00:49:01   they were very cool and they went in and [TS]

00:49:04   they killed a bunch of their their [TS]

00:49:06   friends because they were teenagers and [TS]

00:49:08   teenagers are stupid so you really don't [TS]

00:49:15   have that you don't have the wiring I [TS]

00:49:17   mean it's just not it's just not there i [TS]

00:49:19   mean there are some people [TS]

00:49:21   who may be out of my case may be out of [TS]

00:49:24   fear or the desire to be liked with you [TS]

00:49:28   know quote-unquote do the right thing [TS]

00:49:29   but you know it's it's like I don't know [TS]

00:49:33   like transubstantiation or something I [TS]

00:49:34   mean it was maybe something where I'm [TS]

00:49:36   like doing it because I believe that [TS]

00:49:37   there's this thing but i didn't i was i [TS]

00:49:39   was very rarely a good person [TS]

00:49:42   so just because of some sense of ethics [TS]

00:49:44   are doing the right thing [TS]

00:49:46   it was all the thought processes [TS]

00:49:48   processes that went into almost [TS]

00:49:49   everything i did at that age where were [TS]

00:49:51   really even when I thought they were [TS]

00:49:54   good we're really twisted yeah i don't [TS]

00:49:56   think i don't think most people i mean i [TS]

00:49:59   think there's some serious neurology [TS]

00:50:00   behind this but I think you just don't [TS]

00:50:02   have the wiring at that age and in fact [TS]

00:50:04   it's my understanding that when you are [TS]

00:50:05   13 or 14 especially i mean it's it's [TS]

00:50:09   pretty bad i mean i think the basic [TS]

00:50:11   wiring of a teenage boy that age is [TS]

00:50:12   pretty close to psychopathy [TS]

00:50:14   well that's why I just in the sense of [TS]

00:50:16   like not really having any sense of like [TS]

00:50:18   what this means to the rest of the world [TS]

00:50:20   right that's why the most dangerous the [TS]

00:50:24   most dangerous people on city streets [TS]

00:50:25   are teenage gang bangers if you see a [TS]

00:50:28   twenty-five-year-old thug he is so much [TS]

00:50:33   more like a reasonable person but if you [TS]

00:50:37   see a group of 15 year old gangsters [TS]

00:50:41   those those kids have no there they have [TS]

00:50:46   no limits and and you know they are they [TS]

00:50:49   don't believe that that their actions [TS]

00:50:51   have consequences [TS]

00:50:53   that's why they're you know that's why [TS]

00:50:55   they're great soldiers but but the the [TS]

00:50:57   the the worst citizens [TS]

00:51:01   yeah I don't know I feel like that I [TS]

00:51:03   feel like this trail building a plan is [TS]

00:51:10   is a solution like if I had if I had [TS]

00:51:15   spent my junior high years building [TS]

00:51:18   trail route rather than sitting in [TS]

00:51:21   school making pipe on that don't work [TS]

00:51:23   and learn and learn about the many [TS]

00:51:25   artistic uses of whiteout [TS]

00:51:27   I would have been a I would have been a [TS]

00:51:30   better teenager would have been a [TS]

00:51:32   healthier fifteen-year-old if I had done [TS]

00:51:33   some hard work when I was 12 years old [TS]

00:51:36   and I don't I I really I feel like that [TS]

00:51:41   I feel like that we we have a they're [TS]

00:51:43   starting to be a groundswell behind [TS]

00:51:45   supertrain moment completely unaware of [TS]

00:51:47   this really what are we doing really [TS]

00:51:48   where we're a little bit like Kelly [TS]

00:51:50   except you know without the coat where [TS]

00:51:52   were kind of writing a prescription for [TS]

00:51:53   ourselves [TS]

00:51:54   retro actively don't believe in time [TS]

00:51:55   travel but I'm just saying I i suspect [TS]

00:51:58   you don't but not talk to me about time [TS]

00:52:00   travel ok I i think i think that's part [TS]

00:52:03   of it i think that i think that when we [TS]

00:52:04   do almost anything as adults were in [TS]

00:52:07   some ways trying to compensate for [TS]

00:52:08   something or younger [TS]

00:52:09   yeah i agree but we need to start [TS]

00:52:11   figuring out we need to start [TS]

00:52:12   implementing phase one of the supertrain [TS]

00:52:14   I mean I guess we have been implementing [TS]

00:52:16   phase 1i think when it's time to start [TS]

00:52:17   this thing starts actually moving on [TS]

00:52:19   move beyond the whisper campaign [TS]

00:52:21   yeah i think people are ready and I and [TS]

00:52:24   I and I feel like the longer we no [TS]

00:52:26   longer we wait the longer we wait the [TS]

00:52:30   more you know the more the a million [TS]

00:52:35   voices are screaming out at once [TS]

00:52:37   supertrain SEI who don't have time to go [TS]

00:52:42   into this because i think there's the I [TS]

00:52:44   i would like to see it in as much as [TS]

00:52:46   you're comfortable just even seeing that [TS]

00:52:48   the anyone see the pages of the plan i [TS]

00:52:50   try to see the size of the plan just [TS]

00:52:51   roughly because I made some of it is [TS]

00:52:53   documented somewhere on some some [TS]

00:52:55   cocktail napkins or pieces of plank or [TS]

00:52:58   something then but I mean do you see [TS]

00:53:00   it's something says it's written in [TS]

00:53:01   white out so it's a it's it's it's a [TS]

00:53:04   much bigger document that needs to be [TS]

00:53:05   that's so undignified it's going to [TS]

00:53:08   write on your right in your duster make [TS]

00:53:10   a [TS]

00:53:11   on your way would you call your world [TS]

00:53:13   war one jacket yeah yeah well one trench [TS]

00:53:15   coat [TS]

00:53:16   yeah it's one thing yeah jacket dusters [TS]

00:53:18   dusters I want to see a duster I just [TS]

00:53:21   that's man that's why ceilings IC [TS]

00:53:24   testers you see doctors teachers that [TS]

00:53:26   well that's the thing dusters are the [TS]

00:53:28   customers are the official coat of the [TS]

00:53:31   software engineer who didn't get the [TS]

00:53:35   memo like the duster and the and the [TS]

00:53:39   Australian looking cowboy hat [TS]

00:53:43   yeah yeah the truck the troubling part [TS]

00:53:45   is that the the memo has been delivered [TS]

00:53:49   it's just he hasn't been checking that [TS]

00:53:50   mailbox haha memo has been delivered [TS]

00:53:53   often at least weekly for some time now [TS]

00:53:56   and it's just a little behind on the [TS]

00:53:58   newsletter [TS]

00:53:58   yeah so especially when you see a guy in [TS]

00:54:00   that hand duster getting off the bus or [TS]

00:54:04   you know and or or waiting likes waiting [TS]

00:54:06   downtown out in line at a coffee cart [TS]

00:54:08   and you're like listen you are dressed [TS]

00:54:11   you are dressed as somebody who should [TS]

00:54:13   be riding a camel [TS]

00:54:17   it's good yeah you are seriously you are [TS]

00:54:21   dressed for a post-apocalyptic Campbell [TS]

00:54:24   battle you're waiting in line at a copy [TS]

00:54:29   card [TS]