Roderick on the Line

Archive Holiday Edition - "The Story of Lola"

 

  throw that John i literally ah oh god [TS]

  it's early here recording from a [TS]

  different room does it sound different [TS]

  well excepting accepting the echo i [TS]

  would now I would expect that it sounds [TS]

  like you might be passed testing except [TS]

  through your bowels [TS]

  oh no no I was thinking that you were [TS]

  hearing my head reverb know it's the [TS]

  same at the same great taste in the same [TS]

  great room my leather my red leather [TS]

  chair it so i have a red leather a [TS]

  swivel chair that rock that rocks and is [TS]

  on wheels and i'm sitting at a sitting [TS]

  at a table that i found on the street [TS]

  and you know i'm sure you're nothing if [TS]

  not eclectic em eclectic and collecting [TS]

  now now when you I don't miserable [TS]

  little personal but i understand that [TS]

  sometimes sometimes you do recording [TS]

  your altogether that's right that's [TS]

  right in fact that would be the case [TS]

  right now [TS]

  oh dear dear dear it's a it's a warm day [TS]

  and i am i am not even bothering with a [TS]

  sheet or a towel that's what I was gonna [TS]

  ask you do you get stuck to the seat [TS]

  no no there's nothing that my uh that my [TS]

  natural form likes more than a little [TS]

  bit of leather super warm leather be so [TS]

  glad when falls here [TS]

  yeah well in that when it's winter i'm [TS]

  often bundled up in a parker and also [TS]

  leather leather leather pocket but [TS]

  better [TS]

  I just like two miles away from an 80s [TS]

  metal man up la vaca but it's a it's a [TS]

  beautiful day here it's warm it's [TS]

  morning [TS]

  it's a warm morning you sound like you [TS]

  sound like the late red barber [TS]

  good morning edition come on Cano needed [TS]

  him seated nude in a red leather chair [TS]

  the great battle of lumen-a [TS]

  no that's fantastic and so I mean just [TS]

  for listeners who may be coming in a [TS]

  little late on this you are you're a [TS]

  lair late riser and you're late go to [TS]

  sleep / think that's correct [TS]

  I i do not like to go to sleep at night [TS]

  that expose you [TS]

  I just I don't find it so I do not find [TS]

  going to sleep at night it's just not a [TS]

  thing that's on my to-do list and so [TS]

  when one night comes I get busy and then [TS]

  hides often it often then is morning [TS]

  before i realized that i forgot to do [TS]

  something which is going to sleep [TS]

  oh it's morning and I forgot to go to [TS]

  sleep now do you do i do you work on any [TS]

  of your little projects or larger [TS]

  projects around the house is that that's [TS]

  that's really when you get his team on [TS]

  is a better after the Sun Goes Down [TS]

  that's when john comes alive [TS]

  that's right but then once i am asleep I [TS]

  really don't want to wake up [TS]

  I don't want to get up and often morning [TS]

  will turn to day and afternoon and then [TS]

  afternoon will turn to evening and i [TS]

  will i'll roll over in bed and I'll say [TS]

  don't forget to do something I forgot to [TS]

  wake up and so I'm always chasing I [TS]

  think I feel like the problem is that [TS]

  the the earth is on a 24-hour cycle and [TS]

  i am on a 27 and a half hour cycle you [TS]

  know this is a thing so it is i've read [TS]

  about this turns out there that actually [TS]

  each of us does have a different [TS]

  everybody's always thought about [TS]

  different people need different amounts [TS]

  of sleep but there's been this you know [TS]

  assumption all along that it's based on [TS]

  a 24-hour clock and one reason we're all [TS]

  screwed up because a lot of reasons [TS]

  we're all screwed up because it was [TS]

  asleep in particular but is that is that [TS]

  some people are on a slightly different [TS]

  clock and there's all kinds of things we [TS]

  have to do with light it with food and [TS]

  with consistency and I no light food and [TS]

  consistency have have some role in your [TS]

  life but the United consistency of my [TS]

  accounts [TS]

  hmm [TS]

  that said that sounds like awfully and [TS]

  awfully Caucasian set of accounts they [TS]

  really are [TS]

  they're all Norwegians ya know I believe [TS]

  that if I every day if I had four more [TS]

  hours in addition to the 24 hours that I [TS]

  was allotted if there were four more [TS]

  hours that I could do with what i would [TS]

  but i would i would have no problem [TS]

  interacting with the rest of the world I [TS]

  would be I'd be one of those people that [TS]

  gets up and goes out dressed in a [TS]

  button-down shirt and you know goes and [TS]

  does multi-level marketing or whatever [TS]

  it is that normal people do the video [TS]

  part is you can do multi-level marketing [TS]

  right from your red chair [TS]

  well right except i don't i don't have [TS]

  the four hours a day to a lot to it to [TS]

  wear because with multi-level marketing [TS]

  have to be really committed [TS]

  yeah what you get out of it what you put [TS]

  into it right I'll absolutely i think it [TS]

  starts out as something that's as simple [TS]

  as a part-time income use but then by [TS]

  the time you're done you've got you've [TS]

  got you've got a secret lover this very [TS]

  high maintenance and really you're right [TS]

  garbage in garbage out you know I might [TS]

  have every time effort and money out so [TS]

  yeah extra that extra four hours one [TS]

  time ok I've been awake for 20 hours and [TS]

  I feel good but now i need eight hours [TS]

  of sleep so yeah he's a little work [TS]

  ping-pong it's like you've been gypped [TS]

  because you you've got a clock that [TS]

  works for you [TS]

  it's just a little up in Roman you got [TS]

  you that Rome you got out you gotta let [TS]

  me get a little bell for that one [TS]

  thank you I like that I like that are [TS]

  doing well [TS]

  oh yeah just yeah um the the nobody okay [TS]

  I'm gonna find this article for you [TS]

  because it's a really good article and [TS]

  this there's actually there's a term for [TS]

  this it has to do with something like [TS]

  with as socials sleep debt and all kinds [TS]

  of problems one of the problems is like [TS]

  we sit around in the dark all day and [TS]

  we're not getting enough of the sunlight [TS]

  that tells our body that that you know [TS]

  that it's time to go to sleep wake up [TS]

  and I asked specifically about people [TS]

  with basement dungeons or why is [TS]

  everyone sitting around for you mean in [TS]

  the dark in the sense that we know but [TS]

  here its courses they called a vicious [TS]

  circle and in in psychology and [TS]

  neuroscience and Germany Littlefoot is [TS]

  what is visit circlejerk circle [TS]

  I send the poop goes in the poop goes [TS]

  out there's no end in sight i need for [TS]

  extra hours [TS]

  oh and inside I need fear of your ma [TS]

  Stockton is Artemis oxen scheisse but I [TS]

  you know here's the problem i think the [TS]

  reason a lot of people go into a [TS]

  detention don't come out the clock [TS]

  seasonal affective disorder so you know [TS]

  some people get sad their dungeons in [TS]

  the winter if you've got the right [TS]

  amount of UV lighting and you can all [TS]

  the other thing is like you never get [TS]

  jet lag if you do that right if you [TS]

  change the way that you eat a little bit [TS]

  before you fly you change your lighting [TS]

  now I think somebody spends a lot of [TS]

  time in a dungeon whether by choice or [TS]

  otherwise probably doesn't travel a lot [TS]

  some people go into dungeons and don't [TS]

  come out because they're Austrian father [TS]

  takes them down there and seal the door [TS]

  because their mutant or or just because [TS]

  that's what daddy likes you well because [TS]

  daddy is bad daddy's a bad that he has a [TS]

  you that he has to keep you clean in the [TS]

  world is their God is a bad time to read [TS]

  the Bible that's right daddy what daddy [TS]

  is going to come down and visit you hard [TS]

  yeah oh yeah [TS]

  explain your dish you don't go like um [TS]

  yeah my boy was just just so many [TS]

  handles on this suitcase [TS]

  um but you know what the thing is I then [TS]

  now according to this thing that i read [TS]

  i probably won't be able to find that [TS]

  the eating is a big part of it to that [TS]

  on a lot of your body is regulated and [TS]

  the the example I remember this guy [TS]

  giving is one problem with jet lag is it [TS]

  is a multi-faceted problem that involves [TS]

  involves involves your brain involved [TS]

  several parts of your brain like there's [TS]

  a party of pregnancies light there's a [TS]

  part of your brain that knows how long [TS]

  it's been since you've eaten and you get [TS]

  this jetlag comes out of this dissonance [TS]

  from all these different forces fighting [TS]

  with each other so your you know your [TS]

  your your body may be in France while [TS]

  your liver is still over the Atlantic [TS]

  and you know and your bed is back there [TS]

  in nine Seattle here's what i ate [TS]

  yesterday [TS]

  okay i'm gonna write this down I had one [TS]

  entire pot of coffee [TS]

  ok I had a peanut butter and jelly [TS]

  sandwich anyway I'm sorry I'm just [TS]

  catching up one pot of coffee now you [TS]

  know a lot of people to see what they [TS]

  got a cup of coffee they don't mean an [TS]

  actual cup when you say pot you don't [TS]

  mean like a terrine you mean like a mr. [TS]

  coffee style mr. coffee stout 12-cup [TS]

  yeah well she had 12 coffee cups of [TS]

  coffee [TS]

  whatever if you can put 12 cups of [TS]

  coffee and a mr. coffee pot I don't know [TS]

  I've never tried but whatever that mr. [TS]

  Thomas just just for reference most most [TS]

  caught drip coffee makers are either 10 [TS]

  or 12 cup models right I've mine is a [TS]

  10-cup model that's good you're showing [TS]

  restraint [TS]

  so I had one of those SE question was it [TS]

  hot while you're drinking this wasn't [TS]

  over the course of a day it was tough [TS]

  but was before it all burned off you [TS]

  drink you drink 10 cups of coffee at a [TS]

  city that is your does your coffeemaker [TS]

  it Bruce so hot that over the course of [TS]

  the day it burns off like a like a gas [TS]

  floor i'm sorry Boyle I'm so sorry its [TS]

  you get a little flame on the top it [TS]

  looks like very blade runner wall we [TS]

  have a Tyrell coffeemaker it's got giant [TS]

  glasses and now [TS]

  alright so then I had a peanut butters [TS]

  and how's your gates and so-and-so but [TS]

  the thing is if you don't you know why [TS]

  they make that little lady thing part of [TS]

  the reason for the lady thing is if it [TS]

  sits on the burner now we have a really [TS]

  nice cuisinart where you can keep it at [TS]

  low medium or high heat on the in the [TS]

  keep the craft warm but the thing is as [TS]

  you know from working in restaurants in [TS]

  that coffee sits too long like you know [TS]

  in your case you go into a bar [TS]

  sure it's all burning and you get your [TS]

  coffee and you're going to go in and and [TS]

  please go fucking make the coffee now [TS]

  oh I've been drinking coffee out of gas [TS]

  stations and but in the American desert [TS]

  Southwest for 25 years I know from [TS]

  coffee that's been sitting for you know [TS]

  from coffee from 44 days [TS]

  this is a 7-11 i'm actually a strangely [TS]

  a fan of the entire 7-eleven coffee [TS]

  experience I like it all fucking stem to [TS]

  stern [TS]

  nobody puts token you ever give drop a [TS]

  stoke stoke stoke you know you get this [TS]

  little shitty creamers because they're [TS]

  too cheap to put on a giant thing a [TS]

  half-and-half yeah of course you little [TS]

  shit creamers you get low chic rumors of [TS]

  like french vanilla got I don't use [TS]

  flavored find that in the eye [TS]

  like what like strawberry vanilla fuck [TS]

  that bottom there's these little and you [TS]

  get a little half and half that is all [TS]

  that stuff city coffee that's presented [TS]

  at a certain point at a certain point [TS]

  someone internet introduce my dad to [TS]

  international coffee [TS]

  yeah America little canned hams [TS]

  international coffee and i think that's [TS]

  supposed to sit around and enjoy that [TS]

  with elderly friends and it was like [TS]

  Swiss flavored or something where it was [TS]

  it's like Switzer it tastes like [TS]

  Switzerland attendance office as a third [TS]

  and timely and my dad would every once [TS]

  in a while when friends would come over [TS]

  it you know he would be like I'm gonna [TS]

  make you guys some sissy coffee this is [TS]

  my dad before he became an old man and [TS]

  he had a he had a full full voice I'm [TS]

  gonna make You Suzie coffee and he'd go [TS]

  make this french coffee that's that [TS]

  tastes like chocolate Swiss chocolate [TS]

  oh my god city coffee and so you get [TS]

  those little you get those little the [TS]

  shitty little creamers we don't have to [TS]

  refrigerate them yet what's a stoat i [TS]

  think it's called Stoke with within oh [TS]

  you know the bar over the old like a [TS]

  long ago but imagine and I'm just saying [TS]

  first of all the striking nuts because [TS]

  i'm a big dreamer [TS]

  I get a lot of our big cream i get i get [TS]

  a larger coffee then I need and then I I [TS]

  talk about him [TS]

  yeah like I like a real blonde no sugar [TS]

  now imagine one of those stupid little [TS]

  cream bullets now imagine a black cream [TS]

  bullet but a date no cream in there [TS]

  buddy [TS]

  it's caffeine it's a shot of caffeine [TS]

  and they say right now they warn your [TS]

  right on there right [TS]

  don't use more than one of these a day [TS]

  and so you have you can buy them at a [TS]

  7-eleven but you don't buy them they're [TS]

  sitting right there by the coffee [TS]

  what who you kidding me yeah so there's [TS]

  like you so you go if it's like we have [TS]

  thought you'd better keep the junkies [TS]

  from just living there [TS]

  well i think i think the guys just sweep [TS]

  them out of there sometimes [TS]

  no you come in there and the thing is [TS]

  the thing about a 7-eleven like a good [TS]

  like McDonald's if it's busy it's gonna [TS]

  be good busy 7-eleven they're making a [TS]

  lot of coffee now I'm like a crazy [TS]

  person when I took a call from someone i [TS]

  see if i look for all the fullest latest [TS]

  pots I sniff each one of them if it's [TS]

  too accurate and better i turn it away [TS]

  right leave it leave it and everything I [TS]

  go grab a Stoke i drop that and I top it [TS]

  off i'm not really going anywhere with [TS]

  this except to say that this is you need [TS]

  to go to 7-11 they do still have the [TS]

  pump chili we as far as our listeners [TS]

  have told us and the cheese because i [TS]

  haven't used to 7-11 a long time you [TS]

  know all the 7-eleven are owned by seeks [TS]

  now huh yeah so and i love and [TS]

  appreciate the sikh people right right [TS]

  that's different than the Sufis yeah [TS]

  very different but i have not you know I [TS]

  I kind of got off the slurpee train at a [TS]

  certain [TS]

  i went there and i have not gotten back [TS]

  on well we are we a every sunday morning [TS]

  we go for a daughter breakfast we can [TS]

  hurry i don't get there and so yeah I [TS]

  get a giant iced coffees I don't like [TS]

  the coffee at the place we eat breakfast [TS]

  actually bring a lot of our own stuff [TS]

  the last time we went to breakfast at [TS]

  this place would call an Irish Breakfast [TS]

  you going in i get i get a mixed grill [TS]

  much moment but is that a one raw potato [TS]

  and a beer at its finest [TS]

  it's a big tits ever tell you about the [TS]

  mixed grill then I get every sunday [TS]

  morning [TS]

  yes I told you about it i think so it's [TS]

  a pork chop its liver it's uh Irish [TS]

  Irish bacon irish sausage two eggs [TS]

  potatoes and grilled tomato and grilled [TS]

  mushrooms it is the restaurant that is [TS]

  the restaurant where you in 1954 tickets [TS]

  call Jo cholesterol Lord who where do [TS]

  you go that serves liver for breakfast [TS]

  on a bus fights it's an irish restaurant [TS]

  my god oh my god I'm gonna take us they [TS]

  got they've got like you know there's [TS]

  this Irishman Irish Breakfast role [TS]

  basically it's all like regular free to [TS]

  put Irish in front of it [TS]

  okay an Irish coffee that's a whole [TS]

  different thing you can't hear that well [TS]

  that's has booze i doubt but event at [TS]

  any rate we bring a lot of our own stuff [TS]

  I don't like their silverware I don't [TS]

  like their coffee I don't like the water [TS]

  and so we go in there with a bag so I i [TS]

  put before the other day of my daughter [TS]

  night this place withdrawn x-men you [TS]

  know logos and and so I bring in a large [TS]

  coffee from 7-eleven at donut for her i [TS]

  bring my own knife i bring a leather man [TS]

  because i don't like their knives i [TS]

  bring bendy straws for her becoming over [TS]

  the whole package because i don't like [TS]

  anything about it except the next girl [TS]

  anyway so you had a product you have one [TS]

  pot of coffee now the peanut butter and [TS]

  jelly what's worked what kind of bread [TS]

  what kind of jelly [TS]

  well I I you know I do a raspberry jelly [TS]

  exclusively not Jam not a jammer amount [TS]

  of jam raspberry jelly M&A a oh you know [TS]

  what i'll use a jam and I cannot you [TS]

  understand you understand I marmalade [TS]

  right [TS]

  I don't do I don't use a marmalade [TS]

  because their starters I don't want [TS]

  orange in my sandwich isn't strictly for [TS]

  the continental breakfast at the days [TS]

  inn Chris here's the thing about orange [TS]

  leave it alone leave you know like leave [TS]

  it in the orange the analyzing don't [TS]

  don't take the orange out of an orange [TS]

  and put it on a cake he like an orange [TS]

  juice because that's just the juice from [TS]

  that's just an orange that's turned into [TS]

  juice i have a strong position on mixing [TS]

  to get things into something fucked-up [TS]

  Christmas porn take longer sleep [TS]

  Christmas alone Leon Hall Christmas born [TS]

  is great sport some terrible like that i [TS]

  play Santa Claus every year so i am able [TS]

  to get in to the character there's one [TS]

  particular felt if you weighed myself in [TS]

  it to desperately cute girl sitting on [TS]

  your lap these on your mom's [TS]

  refrigerator [TS]

  there are many many many photos of me [TS]

  with desperately cute girls sitting on [TS]

  my lap dressed as Santa Claus and so [TS]

  when I see Christmas born I'm like I can [TS]

  identify with this I am Santa in this is [TS]

  like unlike most porn but where you may [TS]

  not have a beer can cock like you really [TS]

  can put your stuff literally in that [TS]

  position [TS]

  that's right have you ever leverage [TS]

  Santa how do you mean how do you think I [TS]

  mean well there's a group of there's a [TS]

  group of girls here in Seattle because [TS]

  it is the northwest who have mixed [TS]

  burlesque and elves selfishness Alvin [TS]

  dumb they have missed their last night [TS]

  there they have missed mixed burlesque [TS]

  and Elvin and he's like to tattoo chunky [TS]

  girls with players oh you got it they [TS]

  got 18 years they got 20 years and they [TS]

  come to the songs optic Spock when I [TS]

  play Santa at Christmastime these girls [TS]

  come and are my dirt my dirty little [TS]

  elbows and there are often eight to 12 [TS]

  of them did you see dirty little elves [TS]

  right I did I may have to rescind my [TS]

  feeling on Christmas port and they went [TS]

  with so people that the biggest people [TS]

  come and sit on my lap and have their [TS]

  picture taken in the dirty little elves [TS]

  gather around but when you know what but [TS]

  it's it's often like an indie-rock event [TS]

  where where people are shy about coming [TS]

  and sitting on my lap like they're [TS]

  they're standing over there and they've [TS]

  got their creeper lagoon t-shirt on and [TS]

  they've got their you know their little [TS]

  tattoo of a bird right there like I want [TS]

  to go sit on his lap but i don't know i [TS]

  don't know should I I don't know there's [TS]

  a cool i don't know and in that period [TS]

  while those people are making up their [TS]

  mind the dirty little elves will take [TS]

  turns sitting on my lap and having their [TS]

  picture taken and invariably [TS]

  they want to bend over Santa's lap and [TS]

  have him give them a paddling [TS]

  oh come on and then it goes from there [TS]

  it's like Christmas every day it's [TS]

  really part of the you know I'm getting [TS]

  in the holiday spirit right now just [TS]

  sitting here I red leather chair [TS]

  I'm glad it's not Christmas because I [TS]

  cannot stand up right now [TS]

  yeah oh my goodness anyway back to the [TS]

  coffee so what I decided to start easy [TS]

  tax so you're telling me that that's a [TS]

  serving suggestion you get you get you [TS]

  get a girl with with oversized glasses [TS]

  and a berth tattoo and you fucking [TS]

  spanker in a bar and that's a fucking [TS]

  serving suggestion people in the [TS]

  audience say some settling may occur [TS]

  come on i can get that I can get that [TS]

  she looks fine she looks happy there [TS]

  there's a there's a handsome young gay [TS]

  couple here in Seattle who met for the [TS]

  first time they are now married they met [TS]

  for the first time sitting on my lap [TS]

  both the time when I was dressed as [TS]

  Santa yeah they want another yeah you're [TS]

  changing lives [TS]

  yeah yeah this I've been doing this [TS]

  santa gift for many years and it's been [TS]

  a it's been a real i have to say every [TS]

  year I'm like as I'm put it on my by [TS]

  your spanking mine by Santa costume that [TS]

  looks like the one the DAC word Warren [TS]

  Trading Places there's actually like a [TS]

  salmon I've been everywhere pants could [TS]

  stand up by themselves as I'm pulling on [TS]

  like I got am I really doing this [TS]

  fucking santa thing again and then I [TS]

  show up at the at the bar the advantage [TS]

  wherever place is full of people there [TS]

  are like eight to twelve dirty little [TS]

  elves there's your face of second and it [TS]

  invariably like that that the the [TS]

  delightful young gay couple who who [TS]

  married after meeting on my lap and I [TS]

  just feel like ah right Santa's home [TS]

  below everyone talking about a North [TS]

  Pole somebody be a pot of coffee and has [TS]

  a sidebar and Medicare can I can I ask [TS]

  you if to the extent possible can you [TS]

  help me scare up some photographs of [TS]

  that [TS]

  oh my goodness yes i have because i want [TS]

  to photoshop my switch up its up into i [TS]

  have in spades directly little elves or [TS]

  anything actually kind of little ah [TS]

  there are other statuesque ones [TS]

  here's the thing about burlesque girls [TS]

  they come in many many shapes and sizes [TS]

  and they're all wonderful who and in in [TS]

  the case of the something really joyful [TS]

  about it [TS]

  there really isn't in the case of the [TS]

  the ones at the downtown Portland which [TS]

  has a much larger actual stripper [TS]

  culture the burlesque because important [TS]

  has a strip clubs where Seattle really [TS]

  doesn't remember [TS]

  yeah I know portland burlesque girls are [TS]

  coming at it from a different place [TS]

  they're much more it's it feels much [TS]

  more professional down there in seattle [TS]

  the burlesque scenes are uh I i would [TS]

  characterize them as enthusiasts they [TS]

  are often girls who are not coming have [TS]

  never stripped are not coming at it from [TS]

  a like this is you know this is my gig [TS]

  yeah a minute there I I've got a pile of [TS]

  an enthusiastic amateur yeah they're [TS]

  coming at it from a like oh my god i [TS]

  made this great costume and now i'm [TS]

  going to like take half of it off and [TS]

  you go [TS]

  this is wonderful it's a wonderful time [TS]

  to be alive I support this hundred [TS]

  percent so we talk about Portland [TS]

  stripper culture and now are these are [TS]

  these girls pros I mean are they doing [TS]

  it as their primary is it means of woman [TS]

  empowerment or is it a way to make a [TS]

  buck or both I mean are they playing [TS]

  heavens to Betsy while there while [TS]

  they're dancing or how does that work [TS]

  my survey of the strippers of portland [TS]

  is incomplete [TS]

  I have to say I have it's a bit it's [TS]

  been it's been hit-or-miss survey but [TS]

  but but largely anecdotal this is one of [TS]

  the things about about Seattle Portland [TS]

  and San Francisco that people who live [TS]

  elsewhere may not realize which is that [TS]

  until very recently within living memory [TS]

  all three of those cities were were [TS]

  disgusting seaports full of human [TS]

  flotsam and rats piled up garbage and [TS]

  like the last dregs of hippie culture [TS]

  rednecks [TS]

  and some sailors from Indonesia who got [TS]

  you know shanghaied and then kicked off [TS]

  the boat on the west coast in all cases [TS]

  much more at the heart of that blue blue [TS]

  collar culture absolutely blue-collar [TS]

  towns there was no there was no a [TS]

  computer industry the the arts were much [TS]

  more regional and the all three of those [TS]

  cities made a living from the ocean [TS]

  primarily and then to a lesser degree [TS]

  the forests and the surrounding farms [TS]

  but there was I mean Seattle head bowing [TS]

  San Francisco obviously had you know a [TS]

  more vibrant economy Portland had [TS]

  nothing Portland had had lumber mills [TS]

  and that was pretty much it so easy [TS]

  not only when I was a kid but up into my [TS]

  teen years in early twenties all three [TS]

  of these cities were unsafe unfriendly [TS]

  uncool dangerous scary murdering like [TS]

  shit holes perched on the edge of the [TS]

  world and nobody thought that the west [TS]

  coast was a a good place to be and it [TS]

  you know like Los Angeles of course was [TS]

  its own version of this except in place [TS]

  of trees it was you know prostitution [TS]

  and and Judaism [TS]

  but in the last 20 years all three of [TS]

  these cities have reformed Seattle has [TS]

  cleaned up it incredibly if you came [TS]

  if you were transported from 20 years [TS]

  ago in seattle to present day he would [TS]

  recognize that all the city has become a [TS]

  giant mall we pushed everything bad out [TS]

  and replaced it with just like the most [TS]

  banal sort of cotton candy culture and [TS]

  that is happening that's obviously [TS]

  happened in San Francisco to a large [TS]

  degree although the mission continues to [TS]

  be what it is the mission continues to [TS]

  be disgusting in a way that there is no [TS]

  longer a mission in seattle and there [TS]

  once was but Portland in its way has has [TS]

  it has maintained at its core a kind of [TS]

  darkness that all the all the new condo [TS]

  buildings and all the young people [TS]

  moving there to start techno bands [TS]

  cannot displace the fact that the center [TS]

  of the heart of Portland there is a [TS]

  greasy bald man with a comb-over paying [TS]

  for sex with a 15 year old runaway that [TS]

  is at the center of Portland soul and I [TS]

  don't think with all the fire hoses in [TS]

  the world you could push those two into [TS]

  the river like they are they are there [TS]

  and i don't know what it will take to [TS]

  exercise that from from Portland's heart [TS]

  um so anyway when I see what I see [TS]

  anyone engaged in like sex games in [TS]

  portland burlesque or stripping or you [TS]

  know a anything anything involving like [TS]

  women dancing for money I i feel it's [TS]

  all it's always more professional and by [TS]

  that i mean like harder-edged and darker [TS]

  and based on there like a I ran away I [TS]

  ran away from home I ran away from my [TS]

  stepfather and i ended up here type of [TS]

  type of vibe whereas [TS]

  a lot of that is gone from Seattle and [TS]

  it's and it's gone from here because of [TS]

  a paternalistic city culture where [TS]

  they're like we don't want you know like [TS]

  you can't drink in a strip club here you [TS]

  you have to go into a strip club and if [TS]

  they want to keep yer yeah you have to [TS]

  buy a ten-dollar coke you know to sit in [TS]

  a strip club here and it's a [TS]

  twenty-dollar cover to get in the door [TS]

  and all this stuff and and and by [TS]

  imposing these kind of like rules they [TS]

  just pushed every every strip club out [TS]

  of town except for like the three or [TS]

  four that that are the three or four [TS]

  that are here just for those guys that [TS]

  are like come on I'll pay I'll pay I'll [TS]

  buy a twenty-dollar code i just want to [TS]

  see some girls boobs right and so there [TS]

  are there you know there are half a [TS]

  dozen here but they don't have that [TS]

  raucous spirit in the strip clubs in [TS]

  Alaska [TS]

  oh boy what we used to i mean when i was [TS]

  still a teenager [TS]

  meanwhile at the time in the eighties [TS]

  the doorman at a club in Alaska his job [TS]

  as he saw it as the city saw it there [TS]

  was a guy standing there checking IDs [TS]

  but his job was just to keep I think his [TS]

  job was to keep the Russians out [TS]

  I don't know what I don't know what he [TS]

  thought his job was to keep the it was [TS]

  to keep like Russian sailors from [TS]

  invading or something because my friend [TS]

  Cal and I were 16 years old and we would [TS]

  like we'd sit sit at home and like try [TS]

  on different trucker caps looking for [TS]

  the one that made us look like 18 and a [TS]

  half and we get like would get the right [TS]

  costumes on where we felt like we look [TS]

  like we look like guys with working guys [TS]

  and then we would go downtown and cruise [TS]

  the strip clubs and it was that the [TS]

  strip clubs of anchors were more of an [TS]

  education in human nature for me in i'm [TS]

  talking about 1985a 495 I learn more [TS]

  about human nature from sneaking into [TS]

  strip clubs then from almost any other [TS]

  thing I've ever done that's alright [TS]

  because from the front of patron tour [TS]

  the gals the moment a whole thing you [TS]

  know there's so much [TS]

  there's so much crazy money in Alaska [TS]

  it's in the hands of people could in [TS]

  most cases at least at the time didn't [TS]

  have a high school education [TS]

  and a does the strippers would come from [TS]

  all around the world because there are [TS]

  guys that are like throwing down five [TS]

  six thousand dollars there's like it you [TS]

  know there's probably only so many [TS]

  places to spend it right i mean isn't it [TS]

  isn't like you can go out and I mean [TS]

  they don't have like a you know Chucky [TS]

  Cheese 444 oil men like there's only [TS]

  seven let's chuck e cheese for oil men [TS]

  are you kidding this is Alaska but I [TS]

  need to learn [TS]

  no it's not there i mean they were out [TS]

  that a million billion trillion places [TS]

  to spend it but the but the situation is [TS]

  here's a guy he's 24 years old he is [TS]

  from Oklahoma he doesn't have it never [TS]

  got a high school diploma but he's got [TS]

  his start working on oil rigs in the in [TS]

  the Gulf and then he got contracted to [TS]

  come up and work on the pipeline and [TS]

  they are paying him four times the money [TS]

  he was making in Oklahoma but he didn't [TS]

  if he was married he didn't bring his [TS]

  wife and kids 03 dances are he wasn't [TS]

  married because he's working [TS]

  eighteen-hour days and then they're [TS]

  paying him in cash so when he gets out [TS]

  what is he going to spend it on he's not [TS]

  going to go to the performing arts [TS]

  center right and watch The Nutcracker [TS]

  he's going to buy some cooking buy some [TS]

  booze go to a strip club and then go to [TS]

  a hotel and repeat that until his [TS]

  money's gone and of course in the [TS]

  eighties that was that was at the peak [TS]

  of the salmon fishery to so guys would [TS]

  go out for three months on a on a [TS]

  fishing boat and come home and have [TS]

  fifty sixty thousand dollars in cash my [TS]

  god really that much that and they were [TS]

  and this book because the fisheries so a [TS]

  lot of these guys and my friend Kelly is [TS]

  one of them he made 50 grand fishing [TS]

  salmon for three years running spend it [TS]

  all on on champion of champagne and and [TS]

  hookers and then the bottom fell out of [TS]

  the fishing the price of salmon just [TS]

  plummeted the the government put it all [TS]

  these restrictions on who could you can [TS]

  just like if you had a motorboat and a [TS]

  fishing pole you couldn't just throw out [TS]

  a motorboat net you couldn't just go out [TS]

  there and take as much time as you want [TS]

  it anymore [TS]

  and so the bottom fell out and then all [TS]

  these guys were suddenly making eight [TS]

  thousand dollars in three months where [TS]

  they were once making 50 and I when Cal [TS]

  was 23 years old the IRS contacted him [TS]

  and said us like a hundred and sixteen [TS]

  thousand dollars in unpaid taxes [TS]

  Wow but the bottom had fallen out of the [TS]

  economy up there and he was you know now [TS]

  he's making 30,000 a year instead of you [TS]

  know a hundred and seventy thousand a [TS]

  year and he was paying the IRS back for [TS]

  for a decade now and is that but the [TS]

  salmon stuff and like BDL stuff that's [TS]

  that's pretty hard work right [TS]

  oh yeah it's hard work but when you're [TS]

  20 years old what else you gonna do [TS]

  right now you're working eighteen-hour [TS]

  days and you feel like you you could you [TS]

  know you're gonna be able to do it [TS]

  forever but so i would go into these [TS]

  places and you know it at all around the [TS]

  world now if you go into a strip club [TS]

  they're all these policies like don't [TS]

  touch the girls you have to sit back [TS]

  here you have to there's you know [TS]

  they're kind of big thug buggy guys [TS]

  walking around the bar making sure that [TS]

  nothing gets out of hand and better [TS]

  those rules everybody knows everybody [TS]

  knows the rules and everybody plays by [TS]

  well in the eighties in Alaska it was [TS]

  literally a situation where the girl was [TS]

  dancing on the bar and guys were [TS]

  grabbing her ankles and light and she [TS]

  was i can't i can't imagine that she was [TS]

  not a little bit afraid of her but she [TS]

  was projecting a kind of confidence of [TS]

  like that's right boys you know look [TS]

  good [TS]

  give it your best shot like if you can [TS]

  give you can grab it you can have it [TS]

  do your worst you know do your worst and [TS]

  you and the bartender is is standing [TS]

  right behind her just slinging bottles [TS]

  at these guys and you know and he's got [TS]

  like a Derringer in his shirt pocket and [TS]

  a shotgun on the bar and it's just like [TS]

  that that everybody knew the rules then [TS]

  too but the rules were the rules were [TS]

  like a different just to like if you [TS]

  touch the if you if you put your finger [TS]

  in the girls poopy please continue with [TS]

  the part especially with the shotgun [TS]

  and if you uh if you pull out a gun he's [TS]

  gonna shoot with a shotgun those were [TS]

  like the two rules like don't you pull [TS]

  out a gun and don't touch her inner [TS]

  don't think they're in the in the beer [TS]

  handle paint place but six packing jets [TS]

  otherwise it was it was it was a it was [TS]

  a free-for-all and and in my experience [TS]

  every every of the multiple times that I [TS]

  snuck into these places that the person [TS]

  in charge of the room and the room was [TS]

  absolutely and a lot of cases there was [TS]

  no lighting it was just it was just [TS]

  fluorescent lights and lookout God [TS]

  feeling because a lawful if they were [TS]

  they had turned what had formerly been [TS]

  like a bingo parlor into a strip club [TS]

  and and there were 800 guys in a [TS]

  spaceman should have had like 60 guys [TS]

  but in every case at least my perception [TS]

  the woman was in charge of the room [TS]

  there was one visible woman or two [TS]

  visible women in the room and they were [TS]

  absolutely in charge every guy in the [TS]

  room was at their you know if she--if [TS]

  she pointed to a guy and she was like [TS]

  you get out of here are you gonna take a [TS]

  step back like the guy would absolutely [TS]

  step do what she said and it was because [TS]

  all the other guys in the room would [TS]

  enforce her like the patrons would [TS]

  enforce the woman's dictum right so if [TS]

  she said this guy's of you get this guy [TS]

  away from me six guys would grab him and [TS]

  he would be gone in an instant [TS]

  boy there's there's no there's no [TS]

  twenty-dollar bill that's going to [TS]

  impress a lady so much as kicking some [TS]

  guy's ass [TS]

  exactly and that was that was you know [TS]

  thats it was it was such an animal [TS]

  culture where all these other guys were [TS]

  like I'll do that for you lady like a [TS]

  very old west kind of kind of five and [TS]

  of course I was a big kid but I was so [TS]

  terrified in these places I mean ye you [TS]

  walk around now and and you think like [TS]

  you see these kids with the tattoos on [TS]

  their faces are you see that you know [TS]

  people that are better they're like [TS]

  tough-looking but there's nothing to [TS]

  compare to a guy who's been working on [TS]

  the North Slope of Alaska or a guy [TS]

  that's that's been working out in the in [TS]

  the in the ocean up there the kind of [TS]

  toughness that they have scariness that [TS]

  they that they possessed i would just [TS]

  add you know of course i would go right [TS]

  to the front because that's how i got [TS]

  that's how i do but they were so [TS]

  terrifying these men and I was just [TS]

  trying to like I square my shoulders off [TS]

  was like haha yes I am [TS]

  another man here just adding some lady x [TS]

  lesbian must be a really weird [TS]

  adjustment to go from being around I [TS]

  mean it clearly we can see the friction [TS]

  as you say uh of a man who spent a lot [TS]

  of time in Alaska haven't come back to [TS]

  the States but it must be must be really [TS]

  jarring to go from that kind of a [TS]

  culture to pretty much anywhere else [TS]

  I mean it's like being on the frontier [TS]

  it's like the Indiana Jones bar [TS]

  yeah yeah I took me a couple of years [TS]

  after i was down here to moderate my [TS]

  voice and my expectations of other [TS]

  people and I would walk into a party and [TS]

  be like is this what is this party gonna [TS]

  go off or what you know and I grabbed [TS]

  the hosts father's beer stein and throws [TS]

  from window [TS]

  yeah you got to establish yourself yeah [TS]

  and wouldn't you know everybody would [TS]

  just be like and like I would come up [TS]

  and say you know you that was my dad's [TS]

  beer stein and you owe me fifteen [TS]

  hundred dollars [TS]

  oh and this party sucks it did it took [TS]

  me awhile to to like to Train it in and [TS]

  I feel like a lot of guys come out of [TS]

  Alaska they come down to the states and [TS]

  they can't reign it in or they don't [TS]

  want to when they they turn around and [TS]

  head back up there because to live like [TS]

  that to live in that culture to keep [TS]

  that kind of energy going but down here [TS]

  in America you have to really be digging [TS]

  into like prison culture or whatever you [TS]

  have to have to be going to bars where [TS]

  everybody there's just recently been [TS]

  paroled and up there that's kind of the [TS]

  vibe at and Adam let's just say I mean [TS]

  not every bar obviously there are fern [TS]

  bars in Alaska to but a much larger [TS]

  cross-section it's a little like almost [TS]

  like a still in Saigon kind of vibe like [TS]

  you still you still reaching for your [TS]

  rifle in the middle name [TS]

  yeah well yeah like that scene in the in [TS]

  Deer Hunter where he goes back to [TS]

  Vietnam to find [TS]

  to find not rutger hauer was his name [TS]

  was Christopher Walken Christopher [TS]

  Walken it goes back to find Christopher [TS]

  Walken these it's in their plane but [TS]

  when the so early [TS]

  yeah what's the game of Russian roulette [TS]

  I time I went there in the the email [TS]

  from the d man he it you can cut all [TS]

  this out [TS]

  no I'm its dynamics I mean I am I am a [TS]

  legitimate old-school pussy and I i'm so [TS]

  so uncomfortable place like that little [TS]

  I mean you know it's important i mean [TS]

  yeah i did i ever tell you the story of [TS]

  lola i don't think i've ever heard the [TS]

  story of lola so I was at one of these [TS]

  strip clubs and kelly i had gotten up we [TS]

  were up at the at the front so the it's [TS]

  a you know the girl is dancing on on the [TS]

  table and we'd pushed our way through [TS]

  this crowd and gotten so that we were [TS]

  sitting at the table not just like not [TS]

  just leaning on the table but there we [TS]

  we were we were in seats you know what I [TS]

  mean like we sweep we rounded up the [TS]

  front until some guy left his chair and [TS]

  then one of us grabbed a chair and then [TS]

  some other guy left his chair and then [TS]

  we both had chairs like it was a it was [TS]

  that's pretty tight a behavior [TS]

  it was quite it was quite an [TS]

  accomplishment to be up there sitting in [TS]

  chairs and there were guys like falling [TS]

  over us from behind pushing their in [TS]

  between but we kinda like scrunch [TS]

  together and we had this little this [TS]

  little block where we were mostly we [TS]

  felt mostly safe like okay we're we're [TS]

  here we're secure and we're here at the [TS]

  at the table and there were girls [TS]

  dancing on the table and every time a [TS]

  girl would get done dancing you know the [TS]

  guys are just throwing money at him what [TS]

  it was time for that girl to leave in [TS]

  the next girl to come out every guy in [TS]

  the bar would start chanting Lola Lola [TS]

  Lola Lola and then another girl come out [TS]

  she's like I'm not load is what you get [TS]

  and everybody go and she danced and [TS]

  everybody throw money at her and then [TS]

  she leaving everybody [TS]

  lolo line and and the next world cup me [TS]

  like thank you i'm not a little bit here [TS]

  i am [TS]

  around take a little pussy well and so [TS]

  Kelly and I are sitting at the table [TS]

  were like who's this Lola we got to see [TS]

  this Lola this [TS]

  she's like Lo is the one you know but as [TS]

  the evening wears on because we've been [TS]

  we've been just chugging beers I have to [TS]

  go to the bathroom and and I sit there [TS]

  in my chair until I really really really [TS]

  really have to go to the bathroom and I [TS]

  don't want to get up i don't want first [TS]

  of all I don't want to get up and lose [TS]

  my chair but also i don't i I'm just 116 [TS]

  right I don't want to get up and turn [TS]

  around and have somebody in the bar look [TS]

  at me and go [TS]

  who's that kid get him out of here so [TS]

  I'm sitting at the table and I'm like [TS]

  I'm sandy Kelly the bathroom and he's [TS]

  like well I don't know what to tell you [TS]

  like and I after a while I can't hold it [TS]

  anymore well we're drinking what they're [TS]

  serving in the bar is Mickey's God and [TS]

  Mickey's came in a big mouth bottle it [TS]

  was called Mickey's big monkey's big [TS]

  mouth [TS]

  I've had a fear of this and so after a [TS]

  while it just to be clear it is it's a [TS]

  multi liquor [TS]

  it's a ball licker it's a tough that's a [TS]

  fortified beverage tells you no don't [TS]

  close no no haha that's not going to be [TS]

  big enough and so well so so sitting at [TS]

  the table and put the mickeys bottle [TS]

  under the table and i unzip my fly and I [TS]

  start to go pee and make Jesus John and [TS]

  there's a girl stripping and right in [TS]

  front of me and I'm surrounded by guys [TS]

  and I'm but I can't say whether I'm the [TS]

  only guy with his dick out in the bar [TS]

  but I am definitely like the only 1p in [TS]

  a mickeys bottle at least that I can see [TS]

  I'm trying to pull it off but generally [TS]

  it's your first time I think that's [TS]

  right and I fill this Mickey's bottle up [TS]

  to the very very room and you're [TS]

  absolutely right i have not I there's [TS]

  not enough room in the mickeys bottle [TS]

  for all of the p.o God and so I'm like [TS]

  fuck what do i do another rat fence now [TS]

  they're empty Mickey's but I mean the [TS]

  bar is just covered with empty bottles [TS]

  because this doesn't know Buster right [TS]

  you know it's just it's just bottles [TS]

  everywhere [TS]

  and at that point the girl gets off the [TS]

  stage and Lola comes out now i'm sitting [TS]

  here with by with my penis out with a [TS]

  bottle up a bottle full to the rim of [TS]

  pea under the table and i still have to [TS]

  be your way so you you're still you're [TS]

  pinched at this point I'm putting your [TS]

  young man so you can handle that for a [TS]

  while it's not like today right [TS]

  pinched and here comes lolo and lola [TS]

  strides out onstage and the place goes [TS]

  bonkers and Lola is us a pretty like [TS]

  lean dark-haired girl with a huge gap [TS]

  between her front teeth and you know she [TS]

  she's not like a big big she's not a [TS]

  buck some girl she's she's she's a [TS]

  little scrapper you know she's like [TS]

  she's a terrier and she comes out on the [TS]

  stage and she just absolutely owns the [TS]

  room she's marching back and forth [TS]

  she's like shouting at people she's [TS]

  pointing at guys she knows guys by name [TS]

  and the bar goes bananas and I don't you [TS]

  know i'm going to push from behind so I [TS]

  take the mickeys bigmouth this was the [TS]

  this was an error classic error i do not [TS]

  put the Mickey's big mouth full of pee [TS]

  on the floor which is what I should have [TS]

  done all right now put it on the bar i [TS]

  picked pull it up set it next to me on [TS]

  the background and I grab another bottle [TS]

  and I like you know but I make it full a [TS]

  full appear however much more p there is [TS]

  and i put that on the bar and I zip my [TS]

  pants and Colin are watching Lola and [TS]

  you know our where we're trying to [TS]

  figure out what this point you're [TS]

  thinking more about the P and Lola don't [TS]

  know I for I put the pic up there I'm [TS]

  like I'm done I'm out of it you know [TS]

  it's it's just this bottle now has [TS]

  disappeared into a whole collection of [TS]

  bottles around the stage like I'm I'm [TS]

  now focusing on Lola 100-percent and [TS]

  calendar both are trying to figure out [TS]

  like why is this woman such a icon to [TS]

  these guys and it's obvious why she's [TS]

  like she's the most rock-and-roll person [TS]

  anyone at any of us have ever seen she [TS]

  is she's so rocking wall and so like [TS]

  she's so owning the room that there's [TS]

  just no comparison you know she's like I [TS]

  said she's she's she's kind of a lean [TS]

  boyish gal but but she has a she has [TS]

  sexual charisma and socal entire like [TS]

  leaning on the borrower watching this [TS]

  girl and I feel a tap on my shoulder and [TS]

  I turn around and it's a sailor a guy in [TS]

  a u.s. Navy uniform pie i drummed and he [TS]

  points to my pee and he says is that [TS]

  your beer my god and I said no and he [TS]

  kind of looks around and sort of Sly [TS]

  grabs it and it is steaming hot and [TS]

  takes it big draft off and Kel goes [TS]

  that's it we're out here and grabs me [TS]

  and I when the two of us run through [TS]

  that push our way through that crowd and [TS]

  you know and leave that scene in our [TS]

  rearview mirror and I swear to you like [TS]

  we ran and ran [TS]

  we got out of that bar and ran and ran [TS]

  and ran he didn't immediately know like [TS]

  flinch [TS]

  he figured somebody had abandoned a beer [TS]

  any cat warm [TS]

  yeah that's what sean just drunken us [TS]

  maybe dumbass state of like Lola [TS]

  intoxication he took a big big healthy [TS]

  drink of my pee right off the bar and I [TS]

  was absolutely certain in that moment I [TS]

  was paralyzed can grab me I would I [TS]

  don't know what happened i was sitting [TS]

  there absolutely paralyzed that [TS]

  he was going to be was gonna break that [TS]

  bottle across my face and then we're all [TS]

  tempted to warn him [TS]

  oh no oh no no no no I mean he's like is [TS]

  that your beer and I was all I could do [TS]

  to say like no I mean I wasn't gonna [TS]

  like no hey guy hey bro [TS]

  ok hey just between dudes thats pink [TS]

  there's no there's no good answer than [TS]

  the one you gave well yeah right it [TS]

  wasn't mine but please if he said it was [TS]

  yours you get prisoner's dilemma here if [TS]

  you said it was yours [TS]

  he would accidentally then you're going [TS]

  to fight yeah i mean the the the correct [TS]

  answer if it happened today if I was in [TS]

  that same situation today I would say [TS]

  hey just between you and me don't think [TS]

  that link and you know and he would move [TS]

  on but I was I was 16 I had done my [TS]

  confidence to do a thing like that [TS]

  I was just I was thinking when he tapped [TS]

  me on the shoulder i was sure that it [TS]

  was a guy there to tell me that they had [TS]

  that we were kids and we needed to get [TS]

  out of there so it was it was low it was [TS]

  a low moment I can still I can still [TS]

  touch the fear that I had you know what [TS]

  I'm instantly reach out and remember the [TS]

  pure terror and yet and yet Kellen i [TS]

  would go again and again to the strip [TS]

  bars and and that anything was so it [TS]

  wasn't even at least for me like I don't [TS]

  like going to strip bars like the idea [TS]

  of watching of paying somebody to dance [TS]

  naked for you that it is not like [TS]

  appealing to me but I i was i was so [TS]

  this seemed like the moat the place [TS]

  where people were the most alive that I [TS]

  had ever seen in my life you know and i [TS]

  miss Eliza that's a lot of conflicting [TS]

  emotion is found to have an impact on [TS]

  you [TS]

  absolutely i mean i was because because [TS]

  i'm also looking at the women and saying [TS]

  like this is what this is what should be [TS]

  should learn to like this right you know [TS]

  what i mean like i was thinking i need [TS]

  to learn to appreciate this because this [TS]

  is what is attractive or this is like [TS]

  this is sexiness especially when you're [TS]

  sixteen i mean if you're 25 years any [TS]

  number of angles but in that case you [TS]

  better you better be into it you know i [TS]

  mean the the 0 at one point I found out [TS]

  in the woods a stack of iron horse man [TS]

  scenes which was at like her back made [TS]

  an old magazine for that was that was [TS]

  for like replicate bikers and they [TS]

  always had a centerfold in that magazine [TS]

  of like a biker chick that pose naked on [TS]

  on you no sir draped across somebody's [TS]

  custom Harley and those girls were all [TS]

  those girls were always like Lola they [TS]

  were they were you could see how fierce [TS]

  they were and they weren't existed what [TS]

  they weren't strictly beautiful they [TS]

  were they were hardcore who um and so [TS]

  you know I had that to go on and i had [TS]

  but but but going into these strip clubs [TS]

  you know it's like what is that when [TS]

  you're sixteen what else have you seen [TS]

  where people are in a mob scene like [TS]

  that like a high school football game [TS]

  maybe or or an all-school dance I mean [TS]

  that guy just that it can compare you [TS]

  see either the time that I was in a [TS]

  strip club with you I was a you and I [TS]

  were both very uncomfortable [TS]

  I thought you handled you comport [TS]

  yourself very well it was what weird me [TS]

  out well first of all we're not just [TS]

  because Isis really really not my scene [TS]

  but I was really quite taking it back [TS]

  without extremely comfortable several of [TS]

  our friends were in a more than [TS]

  comfortable [TS]

  yes no enthusiastic and laser really [TS]

  that I've seen looking awkward in a in a [TS]

  food court and they fit right in they [TS]

  were very they understood everything [TS]

  they knew that I don't see the rules [TS]

  they it was it was like it was likely [TS]

  they're going to cheers or something [TS]

  yeah it was very unusual for me the [TS]

  Merlin Diana and a group of our friends [TS]

  who are who you would look at and say oh [TS]

  what a bunch of nerdy your fruits [TS]

  what about your nerdy tech guys with [TS]

  their like they're too short pants [TS]

  we're all hanging out and and it was [TS]

  like all right it's getting kind of late [TS]

  what you guys want to do and a few of [TS]

  these characters were like let's go to a [TS]

  strip club and when they first said it [TS]

  you know i was playing host when they [TS]

  first said it I I thought it was a joke [TS]

  I thought they were being I thought they [TS]

  were being facetious I was like haha [TS]

  yeah strip club [TS]

  they're like no seriously let's go to a [TS]

  strip club and I was like stripclub [TS]

  really [TS]

  and that's exactly the same in some ways [TS]

  i would have when I was 16 19 to 25 [TS]

  which is that i'm not sure if I'm okay [TS]

  with this politically i know i'm gonna [TS]

  be uncomfortable but ok but don't mean [TS]

  isn't it isn't like and by the way just [TS]

  so you know I spent about the last hour [TS]

  doing very little except for looking at [TS]

  pictures of girls sitting with us Santa [TS]

  okay haha I could I could get I could [TS]

  get comfortable with that but there's [TS]

  just there's something about this sucks [TS]

  you know what the order is partly it's [TS]

  like if you go anywhere dirty like a [TS]

  dirty place and accepting places in [TS]

  Alaska they're a little too clean and [TS]

  they smell a little too much like [TS]

  pinesol yeah there's something about it [TS]

  that's like it's it's almost like like a [TS]

  well-kept slaughterhouse [TS]

  we're like you guys have done a great [TS]

  job here it's obviously he made an [TS]

  artisanal but clearly some bad shit goes [TS]

  down here and when and if you recall so [TS]

  we walk into the strip club here in [TS]

  Seattle go two slaps the 12 steps pick a [TS]

  twenty-dollar cover and by ten-dollar [TS]

  coat and you're standing there and you [TS]

  know in our friends have like the kids [TS]

  less they're disappearing into bags hats [TS]

  in the back and slap that twenty dollars [TS]

  down fast enough and they are in there [TS]

  and you and I are standard they're not [TS]

  standing there and getting the lay of [TS]

  the land [TS]

  hey there it's like they know the floor [TS]

  plans like fucking mission impossible it [TS]

  right in and one of them is like I like [TS]

  Chinese girls give me that chinese girl [TS]

  the other ones like I like hispanic [TS]

  girls come over here Missy I mean they [TS]

  were like in charge right up and they [TS]

  come up and talk to the girls talk to [TS]

  you that they come up and talk to you [TS]

  it's so so it's really weird what was it [TS]

  was crazy about that event was you and I [TS]

  are standing at the front [TS]

  uh still still like looking at our [TS]

  twenty-dollar bills kind of wistfully [TS]

  going i don't want to pay twenty dollars [TS]

  for this really do I have to and we're [TS]

  standing and talking and the door opens [TS]

  and outcomes like a local impresario and [TS]

  and future mayoral candidate here in [TS]

  Seattle was like hey John how everybody [TS]

  back-slapping I'm like oh and he's like [TS]

  I didn't know you came here come with me [TS]

  and he he wraps his arm around my [TS]

  shoulder I don't know yet i might have [TS]

  left you with this but not locked out he [TS]

  guides me through the bar to the back [TS]

  he's like there's somebody I want you to [TS]

  see like pushes me through all the way [TS]

  to the back where there are curtains off [TS]

  areas there like like you know twin beds [TS]

  back there covered with velvet and click [TS]

  on a curtain off with with the lacy [TS]

  curtain and like that where you taking [TS]

  me literally feeling and we walked back [TS]

  there and he pulls the curtain back and [TS]

  there's a guy friend of mine who is a [TS]

  lose the I got a local club Booker with [TS]

  two girls on him [TS]

  oh and the end and the guys got his arm [TS]

  around his like you know bag it jump in [TS]

  there you'll pick that guy I i painted [TS]

  those girls oh no we have a right now to [TS]

  like you know jump on him and I was like [TS]

  going to jump on him [TS]

  I don't want to be here just yesterday [TS]

  and the girls are like I don't know the [TS]

  whole thing and you don't mind that my [TS]

  friend the the Booker was like you know [TS]

  shit-faced use his lap dance was just [TS]

  about to turn into a nap dance haha i [TS]

  just wanted out so you know I bye-bye [TS]

  extricated myself from that like a [TS]

  Bacchanalia and came back and found you [TS]

  sitting on a sitting on one of it wasn't [TS]

  a couch and I was near the stage playing [TS]

  with my true think lightly as often as i [TS]

  thought i needed to to not stand out [TS]

  right right you're just throwing a [TS]

  dollar bill periodically just so that [TS]

  they know so i didn't notice one thing [TS]

  is if a girl comes up and talks to you I [TS]

  see above and power 1 mine comes up and [TS]

  talk to you in a place like that i mean [TS]

  what I'm gonna sound like such a dick if [TS]

  I go you know I don't want to be here [TS]

  I'm not comfortable with that it's like [TS]

  well known what you know this is where i [TS]

  work this is what I do and you give me [TS]

  money to sit here and pretend to like [TS]

  you and that's kind of why you're in [TS]

  here idiot [TS]

  it's like one of mcdonalds and like [TS]

  complaining about beef and now it's it's [TS]

  it's not going to stack up so I'm trying [TS]

  you know and and I don't encourage it [TS]

  you know what I mean it's like it would [TS]

  be like hand-feeding goat at the petting [TS]

  zoo or something well there and what [TS]

  they're when they're trying to convince [TS]

  you to pay them forty dollars to give [TS]

  you personal did you switch our friends [TS]

  happily Lewis so many dances so many I [TS]

  guess that's what they call it at but I [TS]

  mean yeah yeah they and a couple of them [TS]

  went back a few times everyone got a [TS]

  refill [TS]

  now get it's not that is not how how my [TS]

  how my sexuality manifest itself i wish [TS]

  i wish i could have walked out of that [TS]

  situation feeling great about myself [TS]

  instead of just feeling like I was like [TS]

  a homemade pussy like I you know you [TS]

  wish you could walk out of there with [TS]

  with a girl on each arm wearing a fur [TS]

  top hat and climbing into a white [TS]

  Bentley and with a woman literally [TS]

  holding my dick [TS]

  yeah the woman holding your dick and [TS]

  Rick James driver that's what we all [TS]

  wish you know instead instead we slap [TS]

  down there in our in our Dockers and [TS]

  back to the hotel that was being paid [TS]

  for by the conference [TS]

  what LOL i would have to be after the [TS]

  peanut butter and jelly also i decided [TS]

  how here's how i was going to consume [TS]

  coffee from now on coffee cups are not [TS]

  big enough and I don't want to go with [TS]

  this dress pretty french bowls [TS]

  I don't want to go the route of some of [TS]

  some you know big coffee cup like if you [TS]

  go to go to starbucks and talk about we [TS]

  go to get to the French kind of like a [TS]

  bowl with hand we like it like a cereal [TS]

  bowl with handle I don't want to do that [TS]

  i'm up i'm opposed to this gentleman [TS]

  nineties i drink coffee out of a pint [TS]

  glass and that was before that before [TS]

  the culture universally decided that a [TS]

  coffee cup was too hot to hold unless [TS]

  you had a paper diaper for it like there [TS]

  was a time if you can imagine this [TS]

  yeah before nineteen volunteer hold a [TS]

  warm beverage when people could hold a [TS]

  warm beverage without having a diaper on [TS]

  it and without including a prosthetic [TS]

  device [TS]

  yep and so I used to drink coffee on the [TS]

  way out of a pint glass which is glass [TS]

  and which got very hot but a serious [TS]

  Bank Alaska it won't shatter with the [TS]

  heat like a right these are serious [TS]

  class you know like old style by classes [TS]

  but as time has gone on I've realized [TS]

  that my classes are [TS]

  when they're filled with hot coffee are [TS]

  inherently unstable they are smaller at [TS]

  the bottom they are at the top of so i [TS]

  do and i want you know i wanna i wanna [TS]

  coffee mug so anyway I discovered or I [TS]

  remembered rather all those two liter [TS]

  beer steins from like beer house and [TS]

  munchen you know they all have all of [TS]

  the in the in like a bavaria right they [TS]

  make the hot ash shorts coffey a shy [TS]

  person but they're not they're not made [TS]

  for coffee they're made for beer over [TS]

  there beer beer steins that the the [TS]

  Bavarian style and strong like that like [TS]

  a foot high right there foot high and [TS]

  they're gray ceramic and they have a [TS]

  little like two liter beer 2 2-liter a [TS]

  symbol that's been that's been punched [TS]

  into them while know like the clean air [TS]

  clean to measurement kind of thing like [TS]

  up to this line is two litres exactly [TS]

  and then generally if it comes from a [TS]

  particular like beerhouse bierstube they [TS]

  they have the their their emblem on it [TS]

  you know their coat of arms is on these [TS]

  so I made it a point as I travel through [TS]

  life to collect and and this is the type [TS]

  of thing that I'd like old men collect [TS]

  right beers times I guys collect these [TS]

  and and display them next to their wives [TS]

  spin anniversary of-of Hummel figurines [TS]

  or spoons ladies like spoons right [TS]

  spoons or little bells or spoons with [TS]

  bells i don't see those very popular [TS]

  clubs so i started i started buying [TS]

  these things and now i have us a [TS]

  collection of beer steins that kit that [TS]

  will that will hold two liters of coffee [TS]

  don't have any sense of like how much [TS]

  coffee how to how to much coffee [TS]

  anything approaching two leaders is mm [TS]

  not at all and just keep it warm with [TS]

  the email i mean because they're they're [TS]

  you know they're made to keep your [TS]

  they're insulated to a beer cold [TS]

  computing the Germans buy beer like two [TS]

  leaders at a time and drink it [TS]

  that's correct they drink two liters of [TS]

  beer at a time I've never seen the like [TS]

  the the hofbrauhaus and in in Munich [TS]

  where the photos the girl comes and [TS]

  she's got like 70 beer style at poly [TS]

  girl bleeding as well [TS]

  have a lot of upper-body strength to do [TS]

  that those girls are amazing they really [TS]

  they they are they're powerful powerful [TS]

  ladies the german girls but in any case [TS]

  so that's why I drink my coffee and one [TS]

  of those I had a peanut butter sandwich [TS]

  i took a bath I'm talking about what I [TS]

  had to eat yesterday I got the coffee i [TS]

  got the coffee pot the PB&J and so just [TS]

  just to close that loop that is the the [TS]

  stein is your current go to you have you [TS]

  put it sounds me two liters of course [TS]

  from economically two leaders would be [TS]

  like a two liter plastic thing a coke [TS]

  but how much but these are 1.5 litre out [TS]

  with that that's reasonable [TS]

  these are 1.5 liters that's right [TS]

  they're not two leaders it's 1.5 liters [TS]

  1.5 liters and so that is a half of a [TS]

  that is to bottles like if you get a [TS]

  bottle of liquor that's my tequila comes [TS]

  in 750 milliliters I believe that's the [TS]

  standard for a bottle for a bottle that [TS]

  you're going to tuck into your shirt [TS]

  no not from bottle that you're gonna let [TS]

  me look I'm pretty sure [TS]

  so that's but anyway that's that's [TS]

  that's a fuck ton of coffee yeah and you [TS]

  have any place like I mean you put [TS]

  created and put a little cream [TS]

  ok i'm not a I know they got an animal i [TS]

  know that the Sultan said that putting [TS]

  cream in coffee [TS]

  it ruins both things but I pc now we're [TS]

  back to the Christmas turn but had so [TS]

  then for lunch I had some macaroni and [TS]

  cheese with hamburger and it's 02 make [TS]

  that yourself [TS]

  yes i believe that i believe that matter [TS]

  and cheeses only improved by adding [TS]

  hamburger or sausage to on black yes I [TS]

  another making my Express later it's [TS]

  humid crafter and you put do brown meat [TS]

  and then mix it up with the Kraft Dinner [TS]

  correct and sometimes I pulled you know [TS]

  garlic little onion in there is [TS]

  delicious and economical it's very good [TS]

  at their craft dinner is not an [TS]

  expensive and this is different races [TS]

  different from chili mac this is this is [TS]

  straight up straight up kraft dinner [TS]

  with with beef you were actually making [TS]

  chili mac i'm not a big fan of chili man [TS]

  chili mac i'm not a big fan of chili man [TS]

  ok but then later on in the day I had [TS]

  two chocolate chip cookies and then I [TS]

  had to life savers and then at one [TS]

  o'clock in the morning i had i made two [TS]

  hot dogs and I covered it with a can of [TS]

  chili and then eventually went to bed [TS]

  and then i went to bed at four o'clock [TS]

  in the morning and now i'm talking to [TS]

  you it's very early [TS]

  mm my god and you have a hot dog on a [TS]

  bun [TS]

  no I I find that if i buy hot dog buns I [TS]

  like hot dog buns if i buy a hot dog but [TS]

  package of hotdogs problems they I used [TS]

  two of them and then the rest in the [TS]

  refrigerator to let me go blue they go [TS]

  blue real fast so it's not a thing that [TS]

  I feel is a good investment [TS]

  hot dog buns like if you buy a package [TS]

  of corn tortillas with they will I mean [TS]

  I have a package of corn tortillas in my [TS]

  refrigerator that now i'm keeping just [TS]

  to see just to see if when i die my [TS]

  heirs inherit this package of corn [TS]

  tortillas and still find them tasty [TS]

  interviews because you seem to be seal [TS]

  the bag you'll be fine keep it someplace [TS]

  dark and then they appear they appear to [TS]

  last forever [TS]

  I don't know i-i've never seen a corn [TS]

  tortilla go bad but a hot dog bun will [TS]

  go bad in a in a blink of an eye [TS]

  so I don't I feel like it's not a unless [TS]

  i'm having a BBQ there's no reason to [TS]

  get a package of hotdogs so no it was [TS]

  just too hot dogs and put some cheese on [TS]

  let's be honest and then I pork and [TS]

  chili on top [TS]

  what kind of what brand did not anymore [TS]

  no I have to say that that that that the [TS]

  chili I used with stagg chili [TS]

  ok now I've seen stock every time I go [TS]

  to the store and I see chili I think of [TS]

  you and I think that you would probably [TS]

  be so you wouldn't you wouldn't you [TS]

  wouldn't think less of me if I tried [TS]

  some canned chili [TS]

  no I don't prefer it well but in a pinch [TS]

  it's one o'clock in the morning I feel [TS]

  like two chili dogs just actually just [TS]

  started varietal is is there certain [TS]

  varietal to get or watch out for West [TS]

  actually also stack have a whole [TS]

  selection of chilies different flavors [TS]

  but here's what I typically do i buy a [TS]

  bunch of vegetarian chili [TS]

  and then I buy you know a few cans of [TS]

  stag for when I'm I for one it's one [TS]

  o'clock in the morning but I what I do [TS]

  is I by a bunch of vegetarian chili and [TS]

  then I'm 85 pounds of hamburger and I [TS]

  poor 15 cans of vegetarian chili in it [TS]

  and then I have a popular you wearing [TS]

  clothes while you're doing this depends [TS]

  different story is there splatter [TS]

  sometimes just an apron with nothing [TS]

  else but I feel like just saying a pic [TS]

  it feel like the problem with buying [TS]

  things like canned chili at supermarket [TS]

  is that is that it's it's the pump chili [TS]

  problem it's at one point there is a cow [TS]

  and he's eating some he's eating some [TS]

  grass and then somehow he becomes pump [TS]

  chili and everything in between the [TS]

  couch eating the grass and him being in [TS]

  a in a bag in a pump that that's all [TS]

  stuff i don't want to know we're not [TS]

  going to get that going to be choice [TS]

  bits [TS]

  it's not it's not it's not going to be [TS]

  good at all and to the degree to which I [TS]

  can control my hamburger supplied by [TS]

  buying organic amber from a local guy [TS]

  that I know I try to do I i gotta tell [TS]

  you i mean i'll i'll pick up a ribeye [TS]

  you know but I I'm getting I'm getting a [TS]

  little antsy about the ground beef it's [TS]

  finally it's finally the chicken and [TS]

  cheap ground beef are starting to really [TS]

  worry me [TS]

  yeah because you know you know the [TS]

  process by which a like a tysons chicken [TS]

  is made there is nothing good about it [TS]

  from the time that the egg comes out of [TS]

  a chicken that is owned by Tyson move to [TS]

  the time that that chicken tender is [TS]

  going through your cut like every step [TS]

  of the way something evil has happened [TS]

  and so anyway so I i take the vegetarian [TS]

  chili which just by definition if you [TS]

  are selling vegetarian chili you are a [TS]

  hippie m and so I i feel very confident [TS]

  what if i buy a can that says organic [TS]

  vegetarian chili that the chances of [TS]

  there being any hate in that can are [TS]

  very very small dubai dubai anything [TS]

  more masculine top set the appearance [TS]

  that your giant faggot [TS]

  no because I don't care of people in [TS]

  supermarkets that good for you [TS]

  good for you i'm gonna say what bugs me [TS]

  I you know I what bugs me [TS]

  I don't like talking about my groceries [TS]

  I was really yeah I don't want to talk [TS]

  to you about your ground for the love of [TS]

  God and are safe way they used to be 11 [TS]

  lady 1i hyper bibulous woman I mean you [TS]

  think I talk this is just a solid streak [TS]

  of nothing just follow and she's just [TS]

  commenting on everything she's clear she [TS]

  clearly needs some of my medicine [TS]

  she's out of control and and she talks [TS]

  about every single item [TS]

  well I'm sure she'll pull up no no this [TS]

  is not like going to william sonoma [TS]

  where they instructed to compliment you [TS]

  on your decisions and talk about [TS]

  interesting things you could do with it [TS]

  which also drives me crazy right [TS]

  I go in there and I by sodastream I hand [TS]

  in my old sodastream I get new [TS]

  Sodastream's but they have to make a [TS]

  remark about it [TS]

  there might be a lot of people like this [TS]

  do you like to make this with the mix [TS]

  know I'd like you to take my money and [TS]

  let me leave the fucking lie i would [TS]

  have assigned like sort of like with the [TS]

  taxi drivers right i just want to say [TS]

  turn off your music throw away the air [TS]

  freshener and fuck for love love of God [TS]

  stop talking to me it's like that it's [TS]

  like that in my dentist's office like I [TS]

  sit down in the challenge obviously at a [TS]

  super tricky an orthodontist we're used [TS]

  to talking to ten-year-olds I sit down [TS]

  in the chair and the the girls over and [TS]

  she opens her mouth and she's like hi [TS]

  how are you [TS]

  you know and she's farting rainbows in [TS]

  my mouth and I'm like fuck off I'm not [TS]

  gonna want to talk to you [TS]

  oh you know what i got fifty you know [TS]

  what else I now I'm ready to disagree on [TS]

  this one but i'm telling you i also [TS]

  don't want you to tell me how to improve [TS]

  my dental health [TS]

  oh fun day can keep just keep your tips [TS]

  and tricks to yourself there's so much [TS]

  shame involved in the inn in the mouth [TS]

  it's not even that I just want to talk [TS]

  about you know get all the brown stuff [TS]

  off put something together that makes it [TS]

  way floss me but you know what don't [TS]

  give me a bag full of stuff don't get me [TS]

  fucking homework there really is a lot [TS]

  of shame about the about teeth though [TS]

  you got a bet going to a car wash and [TS]

  we're talking to you you don't have you [TS]

  don't have any can have no cavities my [TS]

  god [TS]

  yeah but yeah but we'll remember now [TS]

  that the the hygienist all when I would [TS]

  still go to the dentist because they're [TS]

  jackals shoot giving the same xerox each [TS]

  time about how if I don't floss I'll get [TS]

  a heart attack [TS]

  haha this is been conclusively shown [TS]

  that the stuff that is in plaque will [TS]

  get into your body i no fucking manhood [TS]

  out there is going to send me links [TS]

  about this [TS]

  yeah it gets into your body oh yeah you [TS]

  can meet the stuff and plaque gets into [TS]

  your bio in addition heart attack [TS]

  whatever it is it's cavity creeps every [TS]

  groups separately still have those well [TS]

  they can't they can't make cavities on [TS]

  you because somehow there's somebody so [TS]

  wizard cast a spell of of of dentine on [TS]

  you or something we connect holes in [TS]

  teeth but the cavity creeps are figuring [TS]

  out a way to get in and fuck with your [TS]

  heart they're making cavities in your [TS]

  heart [TS]

  fuckin a yeah there's have all they [TS]

  become sentient like the any tria [TS]

  what you need is scrubbing bubbles well [TS]

  you know it's funny I need to clean my [TS]

  office because it really is it really is [TS]

  just awful right now so I'm actually [TS]

  every Mickey's big mouthful of T my run [TS]

  now I have one job I keep right here for [TS]

  podcasts and I within at least a day or [TS]

  two of being done oh I have several [TS]

  facts for you John gonna give you to fax [TS]

  quickly i know i don't just run along [TS]

  that I had two factories that are very [TS]

  important first of all apparently the [TS]

  the amount of time that is spent by a [TS]

  typical federal chicken inspector on a [TS]

  bird or a third of a second typical [TS]

  federal stricken inspector there's a lot [TS]

  of pretty ladies or ladies and gentlemen [TS]

  guided by voices I know it's a they [TS]

  spend a third of a second / chicken to [TS]

  get 33 chickens a second that's that's [TS]

  the inspection process for fucking [TS]

  chicken so here's what the inspection [TS]

  processes alive alive alive alive alive [TS]

  oh not alive but you remember what [TS]

  happened that was during the Clinton [TS]

  years remember the Clinton years because [TS]

  Tyson and giving him a lot of money when [TS]

  they lock the doors on the place and [TS]

  there's a big slurry of chicken water [TS]

  and shit [TS]

  remember that oh yeah slurry of chicken [TS]

  water and shit and shit [TS]

  here's the other thing now I need to I [TS]

  need to fact-check myself on this but [TS]

  i'm pretty sure this is why they need [TS]

  the item to cockblock your Mickey story [TS]

  but I but I'll tell you something that I [TS]

  learned a long time ago that I [TS]

  constantly keep in mind i don't know if [TS]

  it's entirely accurate but you I have a [TS]

  feeling that based on your experience on [TS]

  the road so you Pete you've peed into a [TS]

  what probably added Johnny bottle like a [TS]

  big mouth bottle you started talking [TS]

  about your talk about being on tour well [TS]

  when you have to pee in the in the van [TS]

  no no Gatorade bottles nice wide mouth [TS]

  big big wide mouth and then and you know [TS]

  32 out the typical the typical bladder [TS]

  will hold i guess i guess this is I [TS]

  don't know this is comfortably if that [TS]

  is dying to know the answer to this [TS]

  ready yeah maximum yeah one leader [TS]

  really so but there's one saying if you [TS]

  really really really have to pee [TS]

  never grab anything that's less than a [TS]

  leader are you going to be honest at [TS]

  sorry state you're gonna have your hands [TS]

  wet hands one later okay well 35 costume [TS]

  are 5 topped off a leader and i think i [TS]

  may have gone over but i double-check [TS]

  this but i'm pretty sure you know what [TS]

  yeah well first of all tell me does that [TS]

  comport with your experience at all it [TS]

  does it absolutely does it actually does [TS]

  a a large gatorade bottle i have i have [TS]

  never filled but a better but one of the [TS]

  like single serving sizes of gatorade [TS]

  bottles who it's just not quite enough [TS]

  16 ounces not quite [TS]

  you can go over and that's embarrassing [TS]

  particularly if you're in the backseat [TS]

  of a tour van its hurtling across the [TS]

  roads of North Dakota and you're like I [TS]

  gotta pee and the driver in this case [TS]

  probably me that says we're not stopping [TS]

  I'm playing two roles in this scenario [TS]

  I'm the driver who's not stopping i'm [TS]

  also the guy in the back wants to put a [TS]

  lot of smaller set video [TS]

  yeah that's right isn't it ironic that [TS]

  Johnny bottle that was taller than you [TS]

  think and then you got to get him back [TS]

  and make a little tink consists of all [TS]

  first of all yes i have never allowed a [TS]

  Dasani bottle of any kind into into any [TS]

  any piece of my profit because coca-cola [TS]

  supports apartheid because not only [TS]

  because Coco supports a part-time basis [TS]

  please don't do that don't they [TS]

  the way that they make the dishonour [TS]

  water tastes the way they do is that [TS]

  every bottle of design water is filtered [TS]

  to a dead raccoon is hits right yeah i [TS]

  had never heard that you can taste it [TS]

  every day every bottle of dasani they [TS]

  have they they have a they have a thing [TS]

  there where they will filter the water [TS]

  through it and record and at a certain [TS]

  point they have to change the record our [TS]

  come on but doesn't taste that bad it's [TS]

  so terrible that 10 as we have minerals [TS]

  to make it more of a flavor you know [TS]

  what that means salt they had salt no to [TS]

  the design of water if you don't think [TS]

  there's salt in tucson water my friend [TS]

  you are fooling there's no shit salt and [TS]

  also whatever other minerals come out of [TS]

  a dead record it is the worst worst [TS]

  worst and the thing is here's where my [TS]

  feeling about the sunny water if [TS]

  coca-cola can manage to convince people [TS]

  that this pollution is refreshing water [TS]

  then what we should do is employ the [TS]

  coca-cola company to convince the [TS]

  Pakistanis that they do not really care [TS]

  that much about kashmir and maybe we can [TS]

  end war you don't know you're saying [TS]

  it's like a Jedi mind trick [TS]

  it is a fucking Jedi mind trick the [TS]

  coca-cola company has through by [TS]

  throwing 1 billion dollars that at the [TS]

  the marketing of this product they have [TS]

  taken this polluted water that has that [TS]

  they have added salt to and that they [TS]

  have filtered through a dead record boom [TS]

  and they've put in what I find to be [TS]

  even unappealing looking bottles and [TS]

  then that you find it everywhere now you [TS]

  go to places and it's like weeks we [TS]

  exclusively serve dasani water and I [TS]

  feel it's all that exclusivity now I [TS]

  think they have done such an amazing job [TS]

  of convincing people that this pollution [TS]

  is nutrition that that we should employ [TS]

  them we really should to go to a to go [TS]

  to Kashmir and say listen everyone this [TS]

  is it you know what we're gonna do we're [TS]

  going to make a free state of Kashmir [TS]

  and it's gonna be an open City and [TS]

  everybody can come and so pakistan-india [TS]

  you guys can just relax now and then you [TS]

  can stop funding the terrorists in [TS]

  Afghanistan because it's not because you [TS]

  know that that's all about India to [TS]

  let's say you're saying if I understand [TS]

  what you're saying you're saying if they [TS]

  have these persuasive skills and they [TS]

  made the kind of do they're making by [TS]

  putting water in plastic and selling it [TS]

  you're saying you're saying maybe give a [TS]

  little back it's time it's time to use [TS]

  your jedi mind tricks now who wants [TS]

  kashmir who who is it that there's [TS]

  different people want it is that the [TS]

  problem [TS]

  oh who doesn't want kashmir ya know that [TS]

  song so India and China and Pakistan the [TS]

  Chinese are in on it [TS]

  listen the Chinese on everything like [TS]

  that [TS]

  anywhere that China touches I'm [TS]

  guarantee that the Chinese are trying to [TS]

  think of a way to move that fence a [TS]

  little bit more like here's the border [TS]

  but I said think really if you get right [TS]

  down to it really the border belongs [TS]

  over here just a hundred miles further [TS]

  along in you know because that used to [TS]

  be China that's traditional China anyway [TS]

  Kashmir's this beautiful beautiful place [TS]

  so lovely place food and and all of [TS]

  these countries believe that it is there [TS]

  it is their ancestral homeland their [TS]

  their red is rightfully theirs and it is [TS]

  the source to Kashmir is the source of [TS]

  all the all the problems there [TS]

  it's absolutely this is this happens in [TS]

  a lot of countries and i have to tell [TS]

  you I I'm not the not the International [TS]

  polymath that you are but I think [TS]

  there's anybody can settle this shit is [TS]

  probably cola that's exactly what I the [TS]

  international market penetration they [TS]

  got a cool logo they can get up there [TS]

  and they could give free dasani water to [TS]

  everybody and then as everybody is [TS]

  choking it down and I think that is this [TS]

  tastes like the inside of your right is [TS]

  a hot and kashmir out what mountainous [TS]

  ok but I'm just thinking you walk all [TS]

  the way up to the meeting right you [TS]

  gotta walk uphill you're sweating you [TS]

  have lost you know makes gatorade is [TS]

  cooking gatorade my big Gators made by [TS]

  the university of florida that's where [TS]

  was invented like the like the flat iron [TS]

  steak was invented at the University of [TS]

  Florida only invented like 15 2015 20 [TS]

  years ago when iron steak the Flatiron [TS]

  steak was discovered they discovered [TS]

  geometrically a new way to cut up a cow [TS]

  to get a a nearly perfect piece of steak [TS]

  it's a bit an ideal piece of steak and [TS]

  is it cut it cut it up in a different [TS]

  way they cut a different angle that came [TS]

  out from 3d angle i'm going to research [TS]

  this because this is fast and i'm on the [TS]

  page i just sent you the link to the [TS]

  page a quiet questions and answers about [TS]

  the volume of the human bladder the [TS]

  largest number i can find for capacity [TS]

  capacity for most of them 600 cubic [TS]

  centimeters which would be 600 [TS]

  milliliters the highest i can find [TS]

  anywhere is 1000 cm3 that's cubic [TS]

  centimeters right which is a leader a [TS]

  leader right that's it that is the [TS]

  maximum boom your full well I here's the [TS]

  thing I i I'm gonna do this off air [TS]

  I have to pee really really bad right [TS]

  now and so when we wrap up here I'm [TS]

  going to pee and measure it now when i [TS]

  want--that's that's great I 32 that we [TS]

  do that you could compare results on [TS]

  that [TS]

  is why don't have to be right now but [TS]

  John if you knew they'd listen if you [TS]

  spent the last holy like 55 you spent [TS]

  the last 55 years of your life knowing [TS]

  that you had at best a leader maybe in [TS]

  your case you're from alaska you're [TS]

  pretty tall so it would do us at 666 3 [TS]

  and then nine tenths what is it [TS]

  so you might have let's say you got one [TS]

  point two leaders like Arthur wouldn't [TS]

  change the way you think about bottles [TS]

  well it would happen when I was i used [TS]

  to live in a warehouse loft that I kept [TS]

  meaning to put a bathroom in this along [TS]

  time ago in my twenties like like like [TS]

  that even put meaning to do that i lived [TS]

  in this warehouse for years haha [TS]

  and there was a there's no bathroom sink [TS]

  and no kitchen was only utility sink [TS]

  no but there was a bathroom in the [TS]

  building which was shared by all the [TS]

  other like artists a God sharing a [TS]

  bathroom with artists and fucking [TS]

  warehouse all breeders and it was a [TS]

  terror it was it was it was a demon [TS]

  others also thinking about those people [TS]

  eat [TS]

  oh I do she tells John and I've seen it [TS]

  but at a but in any case I kept a so-so [TS]

  because we didn't have around water in [TS]

  the line lived here for years with no [TS]

  running water [TS]

  I i would buy water by the gallon i [TS]

  would buy gallon jugs of water and then [TS]

  it was a big warehouse right so my i [TS]

  built a room for myself over in the [TS]

  corner and in the middle of the night to [TS]

  get up from my my bed and walk across my [TS]

  giant warehouse out the door and down [TS]

  the hall where there were where somebody [TS]

  was probably having a midnight art [TS]

  opening and somebody else was left [TS]

  welding something to go to this bathroom [TS]

  that was it was little it was literally [TS]

  a mile away was it a one homer the [TS]

  bathroom oh yeah okay so it wasn't an [TS]

  airport bathroom [TS]

  no no it was a one it was it was one [TS]

  toilet and it and the bathroom had been [TS]

  slapped together by somebody it wasn't [TS]

  it's not like a it's not a bathroom that [TS]

  you would be comfortable in the bathroom [TS]

  where when the wind was blowing [TS]

  the wind would come through the cracks [TS]

  in the wall so anyway I kept a gallon [TS]

  jug of an empty gallon jug under my bed [TS]

  and if i woke up in the middle of night [TS]

  and had to go pee i would go pee in this [TS]

  gallon job but because of my hoarding [TS]

  tendencies i ended up sometimes with 3 [TS]

  or 4 gallon jugs of PE under my bed and [TS]

  it was a pretty high up it was like a on [TS]

  a standard it was it was a high bed [TS]

  yeah wasn't like a mattress on the floor [TS]

  huh oh yeah I had some standards but it [TS]

  was when you're in a warehouse you're [TS]

  gonna be off that foot / yeah it was [TS]

  very embarrassing when somebody wanna [TS]

  you know when a lady would come over and [TS]

  if she was a mean typically most ladies [TS]

  wouldn't discover it but everyone's like [TS]

  a nosy lady who wants to see what's [TS]

  under your bed and then she's like [TS]

  what's all this apple cider get his [TS]

  check and productive than not it's and [TS]

  you go oh i'm sorry but i think that's [TS]

  one of the that's just the living alone [TS]

  living alone equal eq stop noticing [TS]

  things like that quite as much you [TS]

  really don't think that that's part of [TS]

  it [TS]

  it is and and the thing about the [TS]

  warehouse loft is that it backed up on [TS]

  the police station and this was during [TS]

  so the police they admitted they kind of [TS]

  built this police station at the time [TS]

  and then so the so we had an alley [TS]

  between us and the and the and the [TS]

  precinct the main precinct house for the [TS]

  neighborhood and it was during the WTO [TS]

  era and right before that and it was at [TS]

  a time when I was you know I still felt [TS]

  somewhat legitimate a legitimately mad [TS]

  at the police for being there protecting [TS]

  us and that sometimes rather than [TS]

  because the thing is if you leave if you [TS]

  leave p a milk jug under your bed for [TS]

  very long at all [TS]

  mhm it takes on a certain that if you've [TS]

  ever been around [TS]

  god forbid you gonna run a cat and it [TS]

  takes on a certain ammonia quality [TS]

  oh it really does it's a terrible [TS]

  terrible musculation and it's pretty [TS]

  fast like you might be okay for a day or [TS]

  two but then you walk in that you've [TS]

  gone outside to go get some coffee you [TS]

  come back in and it really it really [TS]

  smells like cats is terrible and and so [TS]

  you can tell the cops on your core of [TS]

  course here gentlemen I'm not fucking [TS]

  mon coeur [TS]

  but but I you know it if it was if the [TS]

  videos fresh I would take it and I would [TS]

  dump it in the toilet but if it was but [TS]

  you know standing there standing there [TS]

  at a communal toilet with a gallon jug [TS]

  of P like have you like it didn't even [TS]

  look at drain in the floor [TS]

  oh don't sweat it was either the window [TS]

  or the door was gonna pick that's right [TS]

  that's not a thing where you think like [TS]

  I'm I'm still Russian imagine it nothing [TS]

  but now that you have me like a child [TS]

  wagon like a Red Ryder that have just [TS]

  been like six right video we're making a [TS]

  bathroom run [TS]

  hey good morning this is johnson hello [TS]

  mr. Hooper Luke but it's a hippie had [TS]

  turned to alonia p.m. on South if it [TS]

  turned and had become like Ron p is not [TS]

  want to stand in the toilet and then [TS]

  like and go to Duke because it was just [TS]

  terrible thing [TS]

  so what I would do is I would open the [TS]

  bathroom window and I would roll and [TS]

  jumpy at the back of the police haha ah [TS]

  they'll never figure that out and you [TS]

  know and I just was and these things [TS]

  would explode and just be there just be [TS]

  this terrible [TS]

  Oh ammonia pee all over everything that [TS]

  Ali I'm sure still is a Superfund site [TS]

  but you know I mean going back to super [TS]

  train or the products predecessor the [TS]

  precursor supertrain your father's [TS]

  Alaskan train [TS]

  I mean you you've always enjoyed [TS]

  throwing things out of windows it's [TS]

  absolutely true right and so I mean [TS]

  that's a hard habit to break and it [TS]

  seems to me like you've developed it at [TS]

  this point when you're living in the [TS]

  artist warehouse you had a get a chain [TS]

  of interesting repetitive behaviors like [TS]

  it's hard to stop being a jug I mean [TS]

  that boy that's real easy [TS]

  he is so easy in it and honestly I mean [TS]

  I know there are people probably [TS]

  listening who are thinking that is [TS]

  disgusting right now but that's just [TS]

  because they haven't tried it but you [TS]

  know what if you if you are able to pee [TS]

  into a milk jug and have not done it i [TS]

  highly recommend you do it today [TS]

  go get a milk jug pee in it you'll see [TS]

  what I'm talking about it's a great [TS]

  feeling and check out a window and then [TS]

  if you if you have access to a window [TS]

  chuck it is it the TV station of the [TS]

  window that's more force the window [TS]

  right [TS]

  it's the window the thing is the thing [TS]

  about the windows a big window on old [TS]

  warehouse window and I could i kinda in [TS]

  within the bathroom like windup so that [TS]

  I was really hot in this and what I what [TS]

  I always wondered as you know if you [TS]

  look down the alley to the end there's a [TS]

  busy street so at some point [TS]

  surely someone was walking by happened [TS]

  to glance down LOL just as a milk jug [TS]

  full of orange p came out of a [TS]

  third-story window and hit the building [TS]

  across the street and exploded fire at [TS]

  all and they had to think to themselves [TS]

  SI did it had to think they had to think [TS]

  well on my way to my job interview can't [TS]

  stop and pick about I just imagine a [TS]

  cop-out backup smoke and fire and [TS]

  housework and I would go in back to [TS]

  smoke [TS]

  yeah but this alley I mean I think even [TS]

  before I lived there Sally was a was a [TS]

  that was coming up magnet area 4p i [TS]

  don't i think i think the cops you know [TS]

  in Seattle right the cops have the cups [TS]

  are dissing courage to smoke [TS]

  oh yeah I think they'd ask them to do it [TS]

  i cannot not in public it looks weird [TS]

  when a cop smokes [TS]

  yeah it does it does it's the it's not [TS]

  the old days now [TS]

  you don't just have cops standing around [TS]

  smoking my daughter is frequently [TS]

  treated to the site of cops are talking [TS]

  shotguns are all right because you live [TS]

  right next to a police station to ya I [TS]

  mean not right next to it because I [TS]

  would be creepy tell people where I live [TS]

  but you can which is that nobody doing [TS]

  that you're making sure that we're doing [TS]

  that you're making sure it's empty [TS]

  is that right when you got choc so they [TS]

  got they got the right finally my [TS]

  daughter and I went ask because we [TS]

  always notice that when they're when [TS]

  they're loading up the cop car they got [TS]

  they got a giantess rifle and another [TS]

  giant ass for iphone one of them is [TS]

  orange and so I went over and I said I [TS]

  excuse me um I'm asking is the orange [TS]

  one for training purposes is that not a [TS]

  real rifle [TS]

  no but you know the deal right how they [TS]

  had to put the orange tip because people [TS]

  are killing kids you know about this [TS]

  right now of course we know about the [TS]

  charlie lister's may not know that if [TS]

  you have a child's toy gun it has to [TS]

  have an orange tip now that's true [TS]

  around the world i think because kids [TS]

  are getting killed people are getting [TS]

  killed by holding up toy guns and cops [TS]

  thought they were real guns never cops [TS]

  are killing kids who hold up a sandwich [TS]

  wrapped in tinfoil [TS]

  don't feel bad we'll do that can be [TS]

  munition it could write [TS]