Roderick on the Line

Ep. 51: "In Pursuit of an Errant Leaf"

 

  Roderick on the line is unabashedly [TS]

  sponsored by a glue software a digital [TS]

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  with other people sign up for a free [TS]

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  find your doc hello hey John [TS]

  hi Merlin is going well it feels like [TS]

  the first time [TS]

  mmm feels like the buzz tab [TS]

  I think America's introduction to thomas [TS]

  dolby they may not be aware was 44 [TS]

  so what many people were aware of thomas [TS]

  dolby from his what's called the Golden [TS]

  Age wireless or whatever right album [TS]

  pretty sure I that's because the title i [TS]

  think he was the guy who played on the [TS]

  keyboards on for order for i'm going to [TS]

  check that I think you should have quite [TS]

  a claim i would like to start collecting [TS]

  all these in my own kind of personalized [TS]

  version of turns out i think it is [TS]

  actually [TS]

  damn thats from myself from this moment [TS]

  from head games back from be below who [TS]

  i'm very glad that you brought a [TS]

  foreigner [TS]

  yes truthfully i would i would love I [TS]

  would love to know because i have to [TS]

  tell you there's again this is gonna be [TS]

  my second turns out of the day I [TS]

  honestly I'm not have a pretty good idea [TS]

  what you think of 44 but I have to be [TS]

  honest with you i think i could see you [TS]

  going either way hard on it right kind [TS]

  of gas so i'll write on a card right on [TS]

  the card and they need to eat with you [TS]

  mind [TS]

  okay go ahead write it on the card okay [TS]

  I'll tell you what I think I'm writing [TS]

  I'm running on the this is the first of [TS]

  all the skinny a real scary day as you [TS]

  know where this is [TS]

  there's a lot of things are different [TS]

  about today this night is different from [TS]

  all others fastball that's true early [TS]

  afternoon while we view the bitter herbs [TS]

  I can't get anything past you [TS]

  I'm going to johns foreigner for feeling [TS]

  mmm feels like the person and I've [TS]

  written down what I think your answer [TS]

  will be John [TS]

  it as much as you're comfortable saying [TS]

  what is your position on the 1981 album [TS]

  foreigner for urgent urgent urgent [TS]

  urgent emergency kit i-44 I i have i [TS]

  have a tremendous vulnerability i have a [TS]

  soft i have a soft spot in my head where [TS]

  my skull did not form completely all the [TS]

  way you get a nice girl the musical fun [TS]

  now that allows foreigner for in and it [TS]

  and and its large there its large there [TS]

  like a like a succubus and and I I can't [TS]

  say a bad thing about it because [TS]

  foreigner for came out in 1981 who which [TS]

  was right between came out the summer of [TS]

  81 right between 7th and 8th grade for [TS]

  me [TS]

  oh that's what that's for a lot of stuff [TS]

  oh oh my god would write weekend for [TS]

  that summer because that is a turning [TS]

  point seven eight tonight both of those [TS]

  summers were huge turning points [TS]

  especially in music for me [TS]

  yeah the summer between seventh and [TS]

  eighth-grade i think is the summer [TS]

  between when I started seventh grade I [TS]

  was still let's be honest a sixth grader [TS]

  who and that's because i was I have the [TS]

  misfortune I think now looking back the [TS]

  misfortune of being born in September [TS]

  and a when it came time to make that [TS]

  decision in whatever 1973 year 219 [TS]

  whatever that was came time to make the [TS]

  decision do we put him in kindergarten [TS]

  when he's a four-year-old or do we wait [TS]

  an extra year and put them in [TS]

  kindergarten use a five-year-old I was a [TS]

  big kid I was a precocious kid and my [TS]

  folks were like oh he'll be fine i was [TS]

  going to say I was going to write in a [TS]

  car that was gonna be my guest that they [TS]

  went ahead and pushed in [TS]

  that's early at that is so so i started [TS]

  i started kindergarten for and that [TS]

  means that i my whole life mean my best [TS]

  friend in high school [TS]

  his birthday was the first week of [TS]

  december and he was I mean basically a [TS]

  full year he was 10 months older than I [TS]

  look [TS]

  there was a kid in my gym at the junior [TS]

  year my there was a kid was a junior my [TS]

  senior year and he and I have the exact [TS]

  same birthday and so I spent my whole [TS]

  life you know kind of a little bit in [TS]

  school [TS]

  grunting that I was a that i was i was [TS]

  ready for this you know i was i was [TS]

  there and now everybody else all the [TS]

  other commercially first day in the [TS]

  cellblock he had because you seriously [TS]

  screwed up the courage maybe he took [TS]

  some courses you know you're ready hurt [TS]

  went up to the biggest kid who already [TS]

  had a mustache and you know and just [TS]

  clocked him like come on [TS]

  but you know all the kids that were it's [TS]

  not just it's very noticeable when [TS]

  everybody else is going into puberty and [TS]

  you are still playing with Hot Wheels [TS]

  cars this is where your camp is going to [TS]

  help so many people it's right but its [TS]

  it but it's also true it's also [TS]

  noticeable when you're in third grade I [TS]

  mean you just I just did I never I was [TS]

  always big and I always was articulate [TS]

  but i did not have the emotional [TS]

  maturity to be there within know and and [TS]

  you know i graduated from high school [TS]

  when I was 17 and was not ready to be [TS]

  set loose on the world so anyway so we [TS]

  refinish finished high school he left [TS]

  high school I eventually finished high [TS]

  school but a lot i guess i gotta we [TS]

  don't have the only the French have a [TS]

  word for being asked to leave high [TS]

  school with credit limit English there's [TS]

  no English word for that [TS]

  let's go beyond sewer you are not words [TS]

  haha haha Freeman permit me to scratch [TS]

  it the perfect but all those records [TS]

  that came out so you know up until [TS]

  nineteen eighty I i think i've said this [TS]

  before i was still listening to my [TS]

  parents music which in my dad's case was [TS]

  big band music and write about 1980a [TS]

  became a suddenly hyper aware of pop [TS]

  music being a thing that other kid that [TS]

  there was a thing that you could you [TS]

  could differentiate between the cool [TS]

  kids were new the cool kids warrant and [TS]

  music became this this as a [TS]

  suddenly this monolith that was sticking [TS]

  up out of a gravel field at the who had [TS]

  just peed on and and foreign or 4i think [TS]

  was among the first few records that i [TS]

  was aware of in the moment you know it [TS]

  wasn't like hey dude you should listen [TS]

  to the beatles it was this record just [TS]

  came out and the other one of course [TS]

  with back in black but the book [TS]

  apparently produced by the same man i [TS]

  will know i did not again I I don't [TS]

  interrupt you but i have just learned [TS]

  from looking at this one page on [TS]

  wikipedia i have learned so much about [TS]

  44 that I never knew including that it [TS]

  was produced by mr. robert john martin [TS]

  wang wang that's right it was a big year [TS]

  nineteen 1981-82 those were big ears [TS]

  from online spot back in the Box 80 [TS]

  right back in black was a year before [TS]

  foreigner for ya so right am and you [TS]

  know on the wall by pink floyd who i [TS]

  think i was like late 79 you're 78 he [TS]

  was when he remember because I was in I [TS]

  was in seventh grade and in military [TS]

  school and my the guys in the next room [TS]

  had it high and dry by Def Leppard also [TS]

  by robert robert john mutt lange but my [TS]

  motherland production so he was [TS]

  producing a lot of Records i can't i [TS]

  can't imagine what his workload must [TS]

  have been like in 1980 imagine if we [TS]

  have time at the end of this episode i [TS]

  think we should go back and maybe review [TS]

  everything he did for those three years [TS]

  because i have a feeling you obviously [TS]

  have a lot of respect for the mansion [TS]

  and Shania Twain notwithstanding [TS]

  well you know that there's so many [TS]

  there's so many myths about matt lange [TS]

  particularly that he would sit and [TS]

  record guitar chords one string at a [TS]

  time [TS]

  what that about you getting anything [TS]

  from Canada college the Hatfield story [TS]

  about def leppard was he said listen [TS]

  these get your guitar chords sound too [TS]

  muddy so we're just gonna you're gonna [TS]

  you're gonna fret each note individually [TS]

  and then we're going to mix it together [TS]

  and that'll be the risk of talking out [TS]

  of my ass [TS]

  that sounds very much like the kind of [TS]

  thing someone who's never played an [TS]

  instrument or record in their life would [TS]

  say yeah it doesn't make any sense at [TS]

  all but it's absolutely no sense that [TS]

  makes something you should you know your [TS]

  automobile go faster if we just went one [TS]

  tired [TS]

  time but uh but the idea i do have a [TS]

  tremendous respect for those records and [TS]

  if you I can't believe this now that I'm [TS]

  now that i'm looking into this high and [TS]

  dry came out on in on july eleventh and [TS]

  44 came out one week later [TS]

  no we don't talk about or no no I'm [TS]

  sorry when we realize second-by-second [TS]

  so I mean I was at that moment [TS]

  july july second 1981 I was almost [TS]

  surely playing dig dug at the Tastee [TS]

  Freez at the corner of lake otis and [TS]

  northern lights and I and sitting on [TS]

  Johnny's lap and I was not sucking on a [TS]

  chili dog because that record came out [TS]

  right about that same time to god damn [TS]

  John Cougar record and that was because [TS]

  that is the beginning of my [TS]

  consciousness right i did not like the [TS]

  John Cougar record I didn't like the [TS]

  foreigner record we watching TV at this [TS]

  point not in this is very early actually [TS]

  you know what this is i think this would [TS]

  be a month before MTV started [TS]

  yeah and I'm not a year later John [TS]

  Cougar formerly Johnny cougar not yet [TS]

  John Mellencamp just John Cougar at this [TS]

  point that hurts so good and Jack and [TS]

  Diane was on about every five or six [TS]

  minutes yeah so mtv now I'm now I see [TS]

  was one month later 44 came out july [TS]

  first july second MTB launched august [TS]

  first 1981 you know this is Genesis our [TS]

  april nineteen that are able 1865 that's [TS]

  exactly that's exactly right as they [TS]

  were adventure yes it's the month it's a [TS]

  month unlike any other and then now we [TS]

  we are beginning reconstruction and you [TS]

  are we have we have become teenagers and [TS]

  their carpet-bags we did not get mtv in [TS]

  Anchorage until later so it didn't it [TS]

  came in nineteen eighty-two i think but [TS]

  i was absolutely [TS]

  my my my aunt my aunt martha worked at [TS]

  the cable company in Anchorage and so I [TS]

  don't and I'm not sure at the time I [TS]

  felt like maybe she was watching over us [TS]

  uh but now that i think about it with a [TS]

  clear head I realized that that's that's [TS]

  not how things work your aunt at the [TS]

  cable company does not make your [TS]

  neighborhood be the first one to get [TS]

  cable and an egg did you have to steal [TS]

  it from your betters did you know that [TS]

  it lists all the original that was the [TS]

  one that they beamed they seemed into [TS]

  like Chiclets shaped antennas that were [TS]

  on your roof but no one cable finally [TS]

  came where they actually install the [TS]

  cable in your house we were in the first [TS]

  50 families in the city to get it [TS]

  because our neighborhood was where they [TS]

  started so I was one of the first [TS]

  Alaskans to get MTV well I just SAT [TS]

  there [TS]

  indian style with my nose I was like for [TS]

  me which every especially the mtv it was [TS]

  like every conceivable minute of the day [TS]

  and it really it reached at it really [TS]

  reached ahead when I wanted to watch MTV [TS]

  before school because already i would [TS]

  get up late because I was a teenager but [TS]

  boy that was super controversial and [TS]

  then I was always remember I think about [TS]

  the city of my daughter and like I most [TS]

  one more one more video just one more [TS]

  just let me see what the next one is [TS]

  because there's no way there's no TVs no [TS]

  way of knowing right now because this [TS]

  could actually deliver by adam and the [TS]

  ants you never know i should actually [TS]

  wait to stand and deliver could be it [TS]

  could be walked by captain sensible it [TS]

  could be it could be video killed the [TS]

  radio star could have been any of those [TS]

  that will probably be only the lonely by [TS]

  the motels right that was it that was a [TS]

  hell John this is I've got I've got my [TS]

  cards my car to run it over first of all [TS]

  I which you can see the Sun you see I'd [TS]

  written a word yes that you would [TS]

  probably have a soft spot now what I had [TS]

  not accounted for was exactly how much I [TS]

  want to just eat first couple of minutes [TS]

  yes at least and from that barrier think [TS]

  it leave it leave it by a dyad that i [TS]

  got from the Buggles get that [TS]

  yeah that's Trevor Horn that that should [TS]

  be our that should be one of our one of [TS]

  our theme songs because leave it is the [TS]

  thing that I'm constantly saying too [TS]

  much leave it leave and i discovered the [TS]

  orchestra staff but you know cable TV at [TS]

  that area also introduced me to benny [TS]

  hill which I which my mind my 7th 8th [TS]

  grade mind could only barely grasp that [TS]

  there was such a thing as benny hill [TS]

  because it because Berryhill Berryhill [TS]

  was my mel brooks in [TS]

  he probably be perfectly expressed the [TS]

  kind of tits and ass the the exact [TS]

  amount of tits and ass that my brain was [TS]

  capable of handling which was to say [TS]

  that many hell would you know would run [TS]

  past a girl and somehow her nurse's [TS]

  outfit would fall over and you could see [TS]

  her pantyhose and then she would work [TS]

  wearing a lacy bra to be having a lazy [TS]

  brown and then they would run after each [TS]

  other around to the you know to plan our [TS]

  little better i feel like i got so [TS]

  ripped off i saw I've seen Sophie like [TS]

  to lacy bras ever complains real life [TS]

  well I mean there was a point in the [TS]

  early eighties when i was writing that [TS]

  broad window with ladies would still [TS]

  wear at one point had a again you had [TS]

  just lifted lady and she when she wore a [TS]

  lot lacy bra and it was you know you [TS]

  look back from that boy that's that you [TS]

  know what here's the thing if they if we [TS]

  if they had not if Benny Hill had not [TS]

  come along we would have had to invent [TS]

  him because you're right you're right in [TS]

  the pocket all so confusing to backhand [TS]

  any in the TV evangelist like a few that [TS]

  look like 20 him came along i realized i [TS]

  did not need to bear any hands a lot [TS]

  more fun to watch what you're feeling [TS]

  and you're listening yakety sax alright [TS]

  but has your job gotten hotter than [TS]

  fresh pumpkin le tired of kissing the [TS]

  wrong bird mired down by your managers [TS]

  fear of even the slightest vision and [TS]

  corporate discourse [TS]

  well you're not alone igloo software [TS]

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  altogether sealed to your red leather [TS]

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  team in from the cold by getting inside [TS]

  the igloo in any case [TS]

  well you know the thing about lacy bras [TS]

  my problem with Lacey that's my name [TS]

  that's not a pole dancer named by the [TS]

  way [TS]

  lacy bra I never I'd that for whatever [TS]

  reason did not click with me and I and I [TS]

  grew up in the area of looking at a [TS]

  girl's underwear ads in the Sears [TS]

  catalog [TS]

  like lacy bra should have been in my [TS]

  wheelhouse but but as I as I grew up to [TS]

  be a young adults and I started seeing [TS]

  lacy bras for the first time I did not [TS]

  lacy bras gave me no thrill and to this [TS]

  day when I when I a young lady and that [TS]

  does the big reveal and she has on fancy [TS]

  underwear who I'm like em I think that's [TS]

  I can you know it's so funny because I [TS]

  say we I think we've got this point [TS]

  probably should cease all discussion of [TS]

  ZZ top videos because I could reach to [TS]

  the moratorium level but but that really [TS]

  that was imprinted on me you know like [TS]

  what is your problem lady broch little [TS]

  lower and Konrad Lorenz and the Ducks [TS]

  quandary Lawrence began printing right [TS]

  so now i'm chasing ducks if you like it [TS]

  but you you are learning to fly my dog [TS]

  cultural aight who I got one shot i get [TS]

  a few shot one shot i got many many [TS]

  shots at lady boss and let's be honest I [TS]

  went through a lot of catalogs even [TS]

  before I understood what to deal with [TS]

  them I was hoarding them and we wanted [TS]

  to figure out what to do with them i [TS]

  realized that that was my duck you know [TS]

  yeah well I was busy top video imprinted [TS]

  on me that I bet a neon pink mini skirt [TS]

  who was a thing that I could really [TS]

  literally get behind the texture is a [TS]

  thing is that i know you don't use that [TS]

  word lightly that is that I mean that [TS]

  girl i'm talking about the one that had [TS]

  the lacy ankle socks in my stress man [TS]

  that's the shorter give me all your [TS]

  luvin oh that one's a little oh she was [TS]

  a mix she was a mix that's exactly right [TS]

  well you don't tell she was even more [TS]

  there's always there's one in each one [TS]

  there's the one that's more like it is [TS]

  one in the 1i thinking not give me all [TS]

  your love and that's a sharp dressed man [TS]

  there's one who you can tell it's like [TS]

  twice as dirty as the other ones twice [TS]

  as dirty that's exactly right and and i [TS]

  think that's a pretty 30 time but the [TS]

  long blond haired one she's never as [TS]

  dirty as you wanted to be it's always [TS]

  the kiddush one who that kinda has the [TS]

  tousled hair and pulling that ankle [TS]

  socks [TS]

  anyway we leaving madison there's a [TS]

  problem with the underwear though and I [TS]

  don't want to be that was hitting [TS]

  controversial here but you know it's i [TS]

  have had this rule of thumb for a long [TS]

  time I would like me the great rules of [TS]

  thumb [TS]

  I learned it too late but we've talked [TS]

  about this a long time ago you got to be [TS]

  careful where you meet people because [TS]

  you know do you really want to meet [TS]

  somebody at a place you want to do you [TS]

  want to go out with somebody that you [TS]

  met a place you go to all the time [TS]

  because when you break up you have to [TS]

  see them all the time or like with you [TS]

  accidentally where you even with that [TS]

  sure don't shit where you in every is [TS]

  the other one so if you accidentally [TS]

  went to a class and learning latch hook [TS]

  rugs that maybe that's something you can [TS]

  enjoy but you never understand your [TS]

  culture what I'm saying is this if you [TS]

  meet somebody who's real real [TS]

  comfortable taking off their clothes and [TS]

  as fancy underwear red flag red flag [TS]

  because I'm just saying like they're did [TS]

  I like the fancy underwear and I and I [TS]

  can enjoy the taking off the clothes [TS]

  fast but those two together that that [TS]

  could be a stress bump you're saying [TS]

  well yeah you're not the first one [TS]

  you're not the first one you can gauge [TS]

  how your relationship one and based on [TS]

  how you're you and that person's other [TS]

  previous relationships event you will [TS]

  never be any different [TS]

  right needle she unfortunately well I [TS]

  you know I i I'm I'm so confused I'm [TS]

  still soaked and released [TS]

  well in the sense that in the sense that [TS]

  i went into puberty with a lot of ideas [TS]

  about how it was going to go like i did [TS]

  I was not somebody upon whom adulthood [TS]

  like the snuck up unawares right i think [TS]

  a lot of kids a lot of kids in there it [TS]

  there 10 years old and then all of a [TS]

  sudden they start to have these feelings [TS]

  and they have no context for them and so [TS]

  they're just following their instinct [TS]

  but I was a person who by the time he [TS]

  became an adult had read so much about [TS]

  being an adult and had had thought about [TS]

  being an adult so much at prognosticated [TS]

  how being an adult would feel that when [TS]

  adulthood arrived I had too many plans [TS]

  and I did not I did not take it i did [TS]

  not have an instinctual response to [TS]

  puberty or an instinctual kind of [TS]

  transition from youth to adulthood I was [TS]

  trying to push it i was trying to get [TS]

  there faster i was trying to I felt like [TS]

  I already knew how it was gonna go and [TS]

  was trying to get in in between myself [TS]

  and adulthood and make some changes [TS]

  before it went wrong [TS]

  wow you in that way we're kind of like [TS]

  in training [TS]

  well and I was fucking my I was fucking [TS]

  it up as I went you know somebody would [TS]

  a a thirteen-year-old girl would walk up [TS]

  to me and say do you want to go with me [TS]

  and I would say go with you where you [TS]

  know it was I was not paying attention [TS]

  to what was happening I was trying to I [TS]

  was trying to figure it out i was trying [TS]

  to I was trying to make sure that i [TS]

  didn't get duped was trying to make sure [TS]

  that i didn't get led astray and so I [TS]

  have this have this mental picture that [TS]

  a bit relationships were going to be [TS]

  hard but you didn't want to [TS]

  you didn't want to get a let down a [TS]

  primrose path by fast girl but you also [TS]

  didn't want to get stuck with a prude [TS]

  and the reality was all the girls were [TS]

  13 years old there were the difference [TS]

  between a fast girl and a prude at 13 is [TS]

  like it's you're talking about a stack [TS]

  opinion because it's all your abstract [TS]

  like at that point you've got these [TS]

  these abstractions that have no basis in [TS]

  reality it's a little bit like trying to [TS]

  look again trying to learn guitar like [TS]

  not just by playing a guitar and a [TS]

  tennis racket but getting tablature but [TS]

  then trying to do it on a tennis racket [TS]

  that's right it's like well you know you [TS]

  you're certainly going to pick some [TS]

  things up but until you actually hold [TS]

  that guitar it's it's not the same thing [TS]

  now here's the other thing that's [TS]

  interesting about you John as you use [TS]

  stipulated for the record that you were [TS]

  never somebody who wanted to study up on [TS]

  intercourse and I think a lot of people [TS]

  made the same mistakes that you're [TS]

  describing here but they did with [TS]

  intercourse they thought that they could [TS]

  get a you know get a Betamax copy of [TS]

  Porky's and and no and no what to do and [TS]

  youyou avoid that you said you should [TS]

  leave it but you focused on what you [TS]

  study what like Kramer vs Kramer you [TS]

  knew that you were in a rocky road is [TS]

  that was your poor for the record what [TS]

  airport when I was 13 years old and [TS]

  and so you know I felt like I had a good [TS]

  friend who that this this friend that [TS]

  I'm talking about it [TS]

  his name is Kevin he was a year older [TS]

  than I was he was my best friend and he [TS]

  was a year more advanced than i was in [TS]

  in all the emotional ways you know he [TS]

  and I maybe were peers in the sense that [TS]

  we were we were in the same grade you [TS]

  know but but he was he was way way out [TS]

  in front and he would call me and say I [TS]

  I was hanging out with the you know [TS]

  Rachel the other day and I would go [TS]

  really [TS]

  and he said yeah and we were it was fall [TS]

  you know it was autumn or whatever and [TS]

  he would say I I grabbed a bunch of [TS]

  leaves and I stuffed him down the front [TS]

  of her sweater and I was like well that [TS]

  wasn't very polite and he said and then [TS]

  I then I had a then she was like you [TS]

  need to get those leaves out of there [TS]

  and then I I reach down in front of her [TS]

  sweater and like one by one [TS]

  pull the leaves out Wow and I was like [TS]

  well that sounds like you might have [TS]

  touched her boob and he was like yeah [TS]

  exactly like like 15 times because i [TS]

  shud 15 leaves down there and she was [TS]

  like you have to get him out of here [TS]

  genius right and i will but but I was [TS]

  and she's in a position to say get your [TS]

  goddamn hand out of my shirt if she [TS]

  doesn't want it to honor that like a [TS]

  gentleman or if she's really not again [TS]

  she a state conspire she's not least [TS]

  reverse know she was like you need to [TS]

  get those leaves out of my sweater and [TS]

  I'm I'm listening to the story and i am [TS]

  a guest [TS]

  yeah I and i feel i canna and I and I [TS]

  start to lecture him like listen I don't [TS]

  know are you sure you're ready for this [TS]

  like touching boobs is a serious step [TS]

  like are you prepared to honor that [TS]

  commitment feel like starting to smoke [TS]

  it would be one of those things where [TS]

  you're like it let's not really for us [TS]

  that's well but but also like I felt [TS]

  like now having touched her boob in the [TS]

  pursuit of an errant leaf he had entered [TS]

  into a tacit contract with this girl [TS]

  that he needed 2 he needed to man up and [TS]

  and honor this honor the code and he was [TS]

  like what are you talking about man [TS]

  I mean I just I i got i feel i feel some [TS]

  boobs and my feeling was well yeah but [TS]

  are you ready to get married and I was I [TS]

  was just like some so backwards on it [TS]

  and this whole question of like all the [TS]

  fast girl [TS]

  it wasn't even that the fast i was not [TS]

  worried about getting the stress pump I [TS]

  was worried that the fast girl was [TS]

  emotionally hurt [TS]

  well I would be tested lately the [TS]

  fastest was a was an expression of her [TS]

  emotional hurtness and I was in a [TS]

  position to take advantage bad enough [TS]

  and i was i was an honorable man [TS]

  oh god never in a million years that I [TS]

  i'm totally sympathizing with her in [TS]

  that scenario as it sounds like you [TS]

  would be where you become less that's [TS]

  completely inappropriate and the problem [TS]

  is also that know you got this broken [TS]

  paradigm fast that was fast they don't [TS]

  know what the hell they're doing right [TS]

  feeling you're putting your hand down [TS]

  the front of your shirt with any rate [TS]

  it's like they have no idea what they're [TS]

  doing [TS]

  it's hell yeah it's not it certainly is [TS]

  an expression isn't an expression of [TS]

  being fast or emotionally damaged or [TS]

  like on the way to being on the way to [TS]

  working in a red light district in [TS]

  jakarta it's she's just a girl and she [TS]

  wants you to touch her boob and you want [TS]

  to touch her boobs so i'm sure she just [TS]

  wants to see what it's like to have [TS]

  somebody you know what I mean it's a [TS]

  little different you sitting around [TS]

  going oh I want boob touching she's more [TS]

  like I don't know what the fuck this [TS]

  isn't these leaves are going to provide [TS]

  adequate cover for me to find out how [TS]

  this goes [TS]

  yeah right she's not you it's exactly [TS]

  right she didn't go into it thinking [TS]

  maybe today is the day when I can't wait [TS]

  till fall and that and that is exactly [TS]

  the sweater weather approaching my [TS]

  teenage life like maybe today is the day [TS]

  that I find a way to brush up against a [TS]

  boob where no one owes anybody anything [TS]

  and no one's gonna end up divorced and [TS]

  and and and by the time I finally did [TS]

  touch a boob it was like come on Jesus [TS]

  Christ that was a long time in becoming [TS]

  and you know this girl was just like [TS]

  come on get it real seriously [TS]

  so this is what happens when you think [TS]

  too much thinking way too much thinking [TS]

  too much thinking and it was it was a [TS]

  way it was it was thinking as a way of [TS]

  trying to get in front of all the fear [TS]

  that i felt about these transitions that [TS]

  I think other at least the kids i [TS]

  admired a and I and it's not that I [TS]

  admired them as people but I admired [TS]

  their progress IRA I admired the reports [TS]

  that you get those 8th graders also when [TS]

  you start getting real reports about [TS]

  other kids like did you hear what did [TS]

  you hear what Derek did mm-hmm what a [TS]

  dirt lot of summer's let you come back [TS]

  from summer and you hear a lot of Intel [TS]

  about what went down [TS]

  people got finger-banged and all these [TS]

  terrible things where was just like my a [TS]

  mite my second-best friend at the time [TS]

  to some finger banging over the summer [TS]

  was anybody hurt I know fingerbang that [TS]

  sounds really Bibles yeah I still [TS]

  thought vaginas were on the front of the [TS]

  pelvis at that point I did you know [TS]

  based on my arm between the bellybutton [TS]

  member i'm going down more like you I [TS]

  thought I thought it was I thought it [TS]

  was more like like you're like a USB [TS]

  port [TS]

  yeah third I yeah and I mean I'm sitting [TS]

  there imagine that the logistics of that [TS]

  you got popcorn and then you gotta eat [TS]

  it and I don't know there's just so much [TS]

  about that was such a morass for me I [TS]

  was scared to look for the longest time [TS]

  I just got the longest time I just I [TS]

  wanted to it was a mystery I knew is a [TS]

  mystery i would try to draw it from [TS]

  memory and even I didn't have any [TS]

  memories i was looking books and its [TS]

  just oh and then here's the thing so you [TS]

  go home that night you find out about [TS]

  the leaf incident you go home [TS]

  it's not on your mind right you just [TS]

  used to run watch watch you know watch [TS]

  game shows no I would sit and I would [TS]

  think about that for three days and i [TS]

  would get mad if I was thinking about [TS]

  your what's-his-name Derek no Kevin [TS]

  Kevin I would sit there and think about [TS]

  get Kevin and the leaf girl and i would [TS]

  i would talk about ruminating I would [TS]

  obsess over that probably for like a [TS]

  week and just getting more emotional [TS]

  about it it's funny how being mad is the [TS]

  response because the next day at school [TS]

  I would be unable to look at her I would [TS]

  be mad at her [TS]

  yeah not not i would be mad at her [TS]

  because she allowed herself to be [TS]

  violated by my best friend and I yeah [TS]

  all of these are very in one way they're [TS]

  they're much more [TS]

  sophisticated feelings then I had any [TS]

  right to have because i didn't [TS]

  understand that they were they were [TS]

  above my pay grade [TS]

  um like why those were my responses is [TS]

  in some ways still a mystery to me and [TS]

  and and those responses like a like [TS]

  changed they they affected what I did [TS]

  next and so in that way we changed my [TS]

  life and and are still I still feel them [TS]

  as a burden now even if in my forties [TS]

  and I want to think about whether i want [TS]

  to when I imagined my life that small [TS]

  choice i mean there's there there are [TS]

  not very many choices that you can make [TS]

  that in the moment kind of feel so small [TS]

  but if if my folks had said let's hold [TS]

  him back here and i had started [TS]

  kindergarten at five and turned six in [TS]

  that first few weeks I mean I honestly [TS]

  cannot imagine a thing that would have [TS]

  made my life more profoundly different [TS]

  than to have been one of the oldest kids [TS]

  in my class rather than one of the [TS]

  youngest um I'm glad we held our [TS]

  daughter back where i will later do [TS]

  another year of the before kindergarten [TS]

  stuff and I'm starting field [TS]

  she'll know when it's time to stop the [TS]

  leaves i think yeah I don't think [TS]

  there's any I don't think there's any [TS]

  reason to ever put your kid if you can [TS]

  if you can hold the back i can [TS]

  understand this is this is where we get [TS]

  we're gonna get what you're going to get [TS]

  email about this but we are we [TS]

  I could understand if you were this [TS]

  here's the thing i also much here [TS]

  ok so for what it's worth my mom was in [TS]

  that position she got jammed in early [TS]

  she hated it she was already small she [TS]

  already felt she wasn't super duper [TS]

  smarts but they dropped into the public [TS]

  school because she's more November I'm [TS]

  or November you're born in December [TS]

  Eleanor's born in October we're all in [TS]

  that area of what you're really but [TS]

  that's crazy that they sent you and [TS]

  that's too that's that's the time i was [TS]

  born in Section nuts [TS]

  so what it wasn't that crazy but it was [TS]

  I cheese I don't know I mean I but I all [TS]

  I'm saying is like I my mom literally [TS]

  and hated people said are you sure about [TS]

  this [TS]

  and you know i think it at that time in [TS]

  the in the early seventies the idea was [TS]

  from you know this was that was this [TS]

  like guys have our age my mama out the [TS]

  other thing is gonna say--there's that [TS]

  I'm my mom hated being early and I love [TS]

  being late so I was no event in november [TS]

  and I once I started when I was five and [TS]

  I was always on the older I was enlarged [TS]

  i'm not a big person but it made a huge [TS]

  difference and you can just see the [TS]

  shrimpy kids that got into early and [TS]

  they already had everything going [TS]

  against them and it just made it a [TS]

  thousand times worse they were they got [TS]

  Konrad Lorenz by the schools and the [TS]

  kids and then they were always the [TS]

  trippy kid until they left it probably [TS]

  came at our sniper and then everything I [TS]

  never got to get a good every probably [TS]

  never got a good handful leaves unless [TS]

  they interact somebody out to cover [TS]

  something i think i think what happened [TS]

  in the seventies was that we had we had [TS]

  all these new techniques to do to [TS]

  measure a child intelligence but no one [TS]

  had really formulated the idea that i'm [TS]

  most that our emotion of that there was [TS]

  an emotional intelligence and that it's [TS]

  summer at a different rate oh my god [TS]

  so true the idea is to big points first [TS]

  of all you've got it in my case starting [TS]

  it'sit's so staggering to me to think [TS]

  about what public school was like for me [TS]

  when I was 10 verses what it's like for [TS]

  a ten-year-old today because this is [TS]

  back in the days when you know we still [TS]

  had funding out the but you know there [TS]

  are kids who came in there and now [TS]

  they're the school was their parent they [TS]

  came in and got free breakfast at seven [TS]

  in the morning they stay there after [TS]

  school programs there are sports so you [TS]

  know on the one hand that you know there [TS]

  was the money there where you could say [TS]

  well at least I know if I put my [TS]

  four-year-old into kindergarten you know [TS]

  it's going to be okay [TS]

  they're going to get a hot meal and [TS]

  they're not going to end up in jail yeah [TS]

  and now today I don't think that same [TS]

  guarantee is there i mean like we rather [TS]

  pay a little bit of dough and have her [TS]

  in this you know it's different for [TS]

  everybody and try to judge but like I [TS]

  think there's a lot more confidence but [TS]

  also John you and I I don't know how [TS]

  this was in your house but we're also [TS]

  from if you think about that swinging [TS]

  pendulum I think you and I are from the [TS]

  age of don't be nice to your kid or [TS]

  they'll become fruity up alright don't [TS]

  the thing is if you if you breastfeed if [TS]

  you press the feet it's going to be [TS]

  inconvenient and you're going to make a [TS]

  fruit they're going to be a little fruit [TS]

  don't be don't be too supportive you [TS]

  know but you know think the main [TS]

  argument that my parents had about my [TS]

  upbringing was that my mom really [TS]

  guarded my the time that I spent sitting [TS]

  staring at a spot on the wall and my dad [TS]

  had that the the reaction that you're [TS]

  describing which was [TS]

  what's the matter with that little fruit [TS]

  he's been sitting and staring at a spot [TS]

  on the wall for two hours [TS]

  he needs to get the fuck up and go out [TS]

  and and throw a ball around right and my [TS]

  mom's that's not how you become a [TS]

  senator my mom would jump in front of it [TS]

  should be like david h now he's doing [TS]

  something it's not clear what we need to [TS]

  we need to like respect this and he [TS]

  would go [TS]

  got dammit it's not right there's [TS]

  something wrong [TS]

  he's look at him and I'd be sitting [TS]

  there absolutely catatonic staring at a [TS]

  spot on the wall and in my imagination I [TS]

  was commanding a flotilla of space [TS]

  battleships and dad was like I don't [TS]

  know what he's thinking about but I [TS]

  don't like it [TS]

  yeah and if either one of them against [TS]

  they both be wrong [TS]

  yeah yeah my mom was the game that I [TS]

  don't know what that I was Byron and I [TS]

  was writing I was like improving the [TS]

  quadratic equation something like that's [TS]

  what I was really doing was fighting an [TS]

  epic epic space battle or I was really [TS]

  fighting World War two because i started [TS]

  doing that in a team may contain seven [TS]

  before and I've been refighting world [TS]

  war two ever since i have fought World [TS]

  War two I fought every battle war to a [TS]

  thousand times in my imagine you could [TS]

  have done it better kenya i am free [TS]

  aspect of it I could have done better [TS]

  you think it's purely from hindsight or [TS]

  just to cheer the superior strategist or [TS]

  more is it also you got a certain amount [TS]

  of emotional detachment maybe you [TS]

  understand very hard to know how many of [TS]

  us would have would have reacted in real [TS]

  time but if I were hermann göring who I [TS]

  would not have let the battle of britain [TS]

  go the way it went [TS]

  let's just say that let's just say that [TS]

  let me ask you this if you we mention of [TS]

  Russian side what's up [TS]

  let's now that's another show ok I don't [TS]

  want to solve by Hitler but if you were [TS]

  Hitler would you have cracked down on [TS]

  the essay a lot sooner be a lot later or [TS]

  never [TS]

  see just in whatever that 3490 long [TS]

  knives your opinion on dealing with the [TS]

  restroom in the essay did how was [TS]

  Hitler's timing on that because i have [TS]

  written something down haha let's [TS]

  stipulate he needed the support he [TS]

  needed the support of the of the various [TS]

  industry you know what sort of looking [TS]

  for the captains of industry that's not [TS]

  just kept on subscribe 12 and destroyed [TS]

  and verkan scheisse scheisse [TS]

  you know the thing is if I don't you [TS]

  know i'm leaving i'm leading you towards [TS]

  what's already on my card but I'm just [TS]

  saying BMW and and bear and zyklon b [TS]

  people from crop crop fucking corrupt [TS]

  they were always a more indie Hitler [TS]

  after he got the goons out of the [TS]

  streets but he never would have gotten [TS]

  there without the fucking goons your [TS]

  opinions on water [TS]

  si2 early SI too late but you know the [TS]

  bride I feel like a I feel like one of [TS]

  the things that we that we can't know [TS]

  the week that we could that we [TS]

  underestimate how difficult it was [TS]

  domestically for Hitler particularly as [TS]

  his it particularly because his [TS]

  constituency work was not just the [TS]

  Germans in Germany but the Germans in [TS]

  all of Central Europe the race that we [TS]

  forget about you said after when people [TS]

  are scattered all these Germans living [TS]

  in Czechoslovakia don't think of [TS]

  themselves as as as being slaughtered [TS]

  they think of themselves as being [TS]

  Germans they're displaced German space [TS]

  oh yeah what I mean for 700 years before [TS]

  10 drivers everywhere there's Germans [TS]

  all over Europe and you know Hitler has [TS]

  this Hitler has this constituency that [TS]

  he that he either believes is his or [TS]

  actually instance but in either it [TS]

  either way like there is no you know [TS]

  there is it isn't like England where the [TS]

  borders of England are our its water all [TS]

  around and there's no big community of [TS]

  English living in France you know it's [TS]

  that England is a discreet little Empire [TS]

  it's a it's a castle basically with a [TS]

  look with a big moat [TS]

  and Germany is Germany is a is a fried [TS]

  egg that's splattered all over you know [TS]

  from i mean the the Swedes are the [TS]

  Swedes identify sort of as Germanic I [TS]

  mean they certainly felt a lot more [TS]

  common cause with the Germans then then [TS]

  they would like you to remember who [TS]

  they're Germans everywhere so this this [TS]

  problem of i was reading this [TS]

  interesting thing on metafilter the [TS]

  other day about the question of why the [TS]

  intelligence agents of Germany failed so [TS]

  spectacularly why the British had such [TS]

  great intelligence and why the German [TS]

  sense that's terrible intelligence and [TS]

  one of the interesting comments was that [TS]

  all the great intelligence agents all [TS]

  that you know it's a it's a special kind [TS]

  of person that becomes a spy and all the [TS]

  great German spies were busy spying on [TS]

  the the the first the their fellow [TS]

  Germans and second like all the [TS]

  partisans in all the countries that they [TS]

  occupied like the German spies weren't [TS]

  spying on the British they were spying I [TS]

  see each other and on my slab that well [TS]

  yeah but that that fucked him up in the [TS]

  war because the British knew what the [TS]

  Germans were doing in the Germans were [TS]

  the Germans were fooled multiple times [TS]

  in the war by my intelligence operatives [TS]

  the British would say oh we're debating [TS]

  over here that they would invade Amina [TS]

  is this is this too reductive what [TS]

  you're saying that it isn't like you [TS]

  know you're not saying that the Germans [TS]

  distrust their own people almost as much [TS]

  as the English but they don't there [TS]

  isn't [TS]

  there's there's enough diversity or well [TS]

  this is the SRAM problem major talking [TS]

  about Leia there were a lot of Nazis who [TS]

  didn't like nazism there were a lot of [TS]

  Germans who were forced into a swearing [TS]

  a both of believers and they were into [TS]

  that then we have to also stipulates [TS]

  defend Hitler you know as you do but but [TS]

  but before a lot of that came to light a [TS]

  lot of it was just you know cultural [TS]

  saber rattling [TS]

  think it was it was much more about [TS]

  economics yes you could certainly [TS]

  scapegoat these people but in the [TS]

  beginning you you have you had a bunch [TS]

  of people who retired having their ass [TS]

  kicked and there's some people just like [TS]

  that fist fights but you think don't you [TS]

  think the Brownshirts little just goons [TS]

  a lot of them ever since Rome I mean you [TS]

  know where my kids I don't know that [TS]

  many SI people but he did you know I [TS]

  know I don't like dudes which is awkward [TS]

  but but that's the thing that the the [TS]

  Nazis came to power by bullying [TS]

  everybody and so they have they had a [TS]

  lot of people in Germany that resented [TS]

  them that could though they couldn't [TS]

  afford to say so but when it came time [TS]

  you know when somebody in a trenchcoat [TS]

  saddled up to them in a dark alley and [TS]

  said hey uh you know things aren't [TS]

  looking so good for Germany after the [TS]

  war will give you a will give you a [TS]

  special place somewhere if you just let [TS]

  us know where you're keeping all the [TS]

  50-gallon drums of heavy water and there [TS]

  were guys were like you know what yeah [TS]

  what these guys here here's the secret [TS]

  plans and it's because they were never [TS]

  not cease to begin with and and they [TS]

  were and you know they had no allegiance [TS]

  or loyalty to to the party in in the [TS]

  sense that the it in and the British for [TS]

  instance you know they were just [TS]

  defending their homeland there was no it [TS]

  transcended party politics for them [TS]

  there was no no one was no ink no [TS]

  Britain was gonna was going to betray [TS]

  England unless he was a real anti-semite [TS]

  ER but nutcase know who so so in any way [TS]

  that the thug ism in the short-term the [TS]

  brown shirt ism you know had there there [TS]

  there there are a lot of repercussions [TS]

  in the in the in the short term like [TS]

  you're saying in the thirties but [TS]

  long-term the fact that they brought the [TS]

  front of the fact that the first people [TS]

  that the Nazis brought under their boots [TS]

  were the Germans who [TS]

  resulted in I mean there were all kinds [TS]

  of fanatical followers but some of the [TS]

  aristocrats that Hitler really could [TS]

  have used on his team they were playing [TS]

  both sides against the middle point [TS]

  isn't that isn't ultimately one of the [TS]

  things that made that the events around [TS]

  night along as successful as he also [TS]

  sent a message he sent a message to I [TS]

  mean he had trouble all along with the [TS]

  military right the actual the because [TS]

  the general the generals were extremely [TS]

  suspicious at best of him and this was [TS]

  sent a messenger man army command who in [TS]

  the thirties they still had huge [TS]

  feathers in their hats you know what I [TS]

  mean like babies were fighting spirit [TS]

  isn't worth isn't worth clarifying that [TS]

  there was not like one big clubhouse at [TS]

  all these guys lived in [TS]

  I mean it as late as like 19 32 33 34 [TS]

  there's still a huge amount of suspicion [TS]

  about the guy [TS]

  well this is the thing about that this [TS]

  is the thing about Eris the aristocracy [TS]

  this is the i mean up until up until the [TS]

  1860s in Europe 1868 all these countries [TS]

  were ruled by kings and had been for a [TS]

  thousand years and there were fits and [TS]

  starts different countries became [TS]

  parliamentary you know they deposed [TS]

  they're starting after the French [TS]

  Revolution um we we lost Kings kind of [TS]

  gradually the French lost their King [TS]

  first and then little by little the [TS]

  aristocracy was declining in power but [TS]

  by the in the early 20th century those [TS]

  the clip class still played such a huge [TS]

  role in how Europe thought of itself and [TS]

  the the military was traditionally where [TS]

  the the highborn people went into the [TS]

  officer corps and Hitler was a pillow [TS]

  with some rat he was a usable an orphan [TS]

  and a guttersnipe you know so these [TS]

  people have no respect for him at all [TS]

  but it was also the rise of the [TS]

  industrialist and a lot of those [TS]

  industrialists were aristocrats and a [TS]

  lot of them were self-made men you know [TS]

  at the finish all the currents the [TS]

  social currents that were boiling in [TS]

  Central Europe throughout the end of the [TS]

  19th century and into the early 20th [TS]

  century they all had to do with this [TS]

  this the sense that there were no more [TS]

  kings but what's going to governance is [TS]

  it going to be an is going to be an idea [TS]

  is it going to be like an tonight an [TS]

  idea that two men had marks and angles [TS]

  icare here we have we have envisioned [TS]

  the whole exchange between men and we've [TS]

  written it down in a couple of books and [TS]

  these are these are ideas that are [TS]

  stronger than any thing that that we [TS]

  might have they're stronger than [TS]

  tradition and they're stronger than any [TS]

  first-hand experience that anybody might [TS]

  have had this idea is a is an overlay [TS]

  that we're going to we're going to start [TS]

  looking at our lives in light of this [TS]

  concept now you know and and that had [TS]

  that let the let the mice out of the box [TS]

  and everybody had an idea everybody had [TS]

  a new idea how capital and labor [TS]

  interacted with each other and people [TS]

  were literally fighting about it in bars [TS]

  not not not just in Germany but I mean [TS]

  this was the this was the world my dad [TS]

  grew up in here in Washington state [TS]

  where you're getting in fist fights in [TS]

  bars with people in arguments over the [TS]

  relationship between labor and capital [TS]

  and now we've we live in a in a world [TS]

  where these ideas are not certainly they [TS]

  are they've been so been so hacked at [TS]

  with sabers from both sides that you [TS]

  talk about the Tea Party or the the [TS]

  route the election that we're having in [TS]

  America right now we're still having a [TS]

  national argument about the relationship [TS]

  between labor and capital but nobody has [TS]

  nobody has a common language anymore [TS]

  nobody's really talking about it like [TS]

  we're talking about it were yelling at [TS]

  each other about this little discreet [TS]

  what we're yelling at each other about [TS]

  specific points of light you know rather [TS]

  than anybody coming out and saying [TS]

  here's my philosophy it's a because the [TS]

  republican party feels like we don't [TS]

  need a philosophy we need our philosophy [TS]

  is lazy fair let everybody do what they [TS]

  want to do and you know the Democrats [TS]

  have been called communists for 90 years [TS]

  so they can't the Democratic Party can't [TS]

  stand up and say we've got a plan and [TS]

  it's an overarching plan that addresses [TS]

  the relationship between labor and [TS]

  capital and here's what it requires it [TS]

  requires that some people some people [TS]

  take it in the shorts you know it [TS]

  because because we want free lunches in [TS]

  our schools [TS]

  it's also it also puts any any this is [TS]

  pretty rough but if you on it makes any [TS]

  theoretical group of people less [TS]

  effective if they either a mostly agree [TS]

  on what they don't want or be can't even [TS]

  agree on what they don't want and that's [TS]

  that's that's one less thing you have to [TS]

  have like some kind of philosophy or you [TS]

  know persuasive theory but you know if [TS]

  thats one reason i think the Democrats [TS]

  can often seem so scattered is that it [TS]

  is kind of Limp sometimes there's not [TS]

  there's almost an embarrassment about [TS]

  having a strong philosophical [TS]

  underpinning that you can stand behind [TS]

  in a bar brawl [TS]

  there's right there's nothing there's [TS]

  nothing that feels muscular to most [TS]

  liberals in a way that they would stand [TS]

  up and in vino and they can you just see [TS]

  something a whiny kids some of the time [TS]

  because if you really believe it in the [TS]

  way that those guys that union meeting [TS]

  did you're going to stand up and say it [TS]

  and it's going to be more it's gonna be [TS]

  muscular as hell [TS]

  it's just that I think most people again [TS]

  and we could become like children with [TS]

  maybe it's best we become like teenagers [TS]

  because we identify very heavily with [TS]

  who we don't want to be who we don't [TS]

  like and who we want to smite for [TS]

  hurting us which is not nearly the same [TS]

  thing as saying no no here here is here [TS]

  is a series of frame that we need to [TS]

  fill with a certain kind of picture and [TS]

  that's going to take a lot of courage [TS]

  and it's going to a lot of resolve and a [TS]

  lot of money [TS]

  and and I just I think sometimes be [TS]

  honest and conservatives are better that [TS]

  their better at putting on a to [TS]

  paraphrase the quote of the day you know [TS]

  you put give a good fighter you give a [TS]

  good show i think the conservatives tend [TS]

  to do better fights and better shows [TS]

  yeah but because the the the [TS]

  Conservatives i mean the the Liberals [TS]

  have gone down this weird path where [TS]

  they have they have appointed themselves [TS]

  the guardians of everyone who has a [TS]

  grievance you know we Guardians [TS]

  agreements it's the guard the Guardians [TS]

  ingredients you know and and the end [TS]

  they we have we've gone from the idea [TS]

  that there are inalienable human rights [TS]

  to a much more water down idea that [TS]

  everyone has rights [TS]

  everyone has the right to redress for [TS]

  what they perceive to be their injuries [TS]

  and those are not the same [TS]

  those are not the same idea of what [TS]

  constitute rights you know what I mean [TS]

  like it [TS]

  the right to the when the Conservatives [TS]

  talk about your rights [TS]

  they're always talking about the right [TS]

  property the right to bear arms and when [TS]

  when liberals talk about rights they're [TS]

  talking about the other time about this [TS]

  this the what was originally a concept [TS]

  of civil rights such as the right to [TS]

  vote and a right to be protected by the [TS]

  police [TS]

  that's now been translated into the [TS]

  right to not just the right to be a [TS]

  brony because I will defend to the death [TS]

  someone's right to be a brony patrick [TS]

  henry said that but the right to be a [TS]

  brownie and not have anybody tease you [TS]

  wretches not a right which I don't think [TS]

  you can call a right you know that is [TS]

  not a right let's you used to put this [TS]

  so on the pathway in my head and one [TS]

  hearing is you know [TS]

  there's a certain kind of liberal [TS]

  mentality which is like you not only [TS]

  can't say do these things you're not [TS]

  only can't say certain things you not [TS]

  only shouldn't even think certain things [TS]

  but in order for me to protect the [TS]

  people that you might potentially offend [TS]

  with that you should apologize to me you [TS]

  know when you say things about bronies [TS]

  you should apologize to me and i'll let [TS]

  them know you know what I mean it's that [TS]

  whole thing of like you know there's [TS]

  nothing to make anybody into a a a [TS]

  gelding minority as we said better than [TS]

  having white people apologize and defend [TS]

  them [TS]

  yeah you know what I mean it's like you [TS]

  know and it really you could you become [TS]

  like this existential lawyer for people [TS]

  who never asked for counsel and you show [TS]

  up and you go out and you say look at [TS]

  all i could think of always save olive [TS]

  oils father that terrible pop I'm of you [TS]

  will be an apology [TS]

  you know he owes me an apology terrible [TS]

  Popeye movie that was a great movie [TS]

  yeah it was a little bit like even for [TS]

  even if you watching a DVD the cocaine [TS]

  literally shoot our if you're on it was [TS]

  an unusual choice for was a robert [TS]

  altman did then Robert Altman just [TS]

  deciding you think was a cocaine think [TS]

  he finally just decided I'm going to do [TS]

  a musical about an unfilmable cartoon if [TS]

  nobody watches anymore dick ok I i think [TS]

  what happened a lot of the seventies can [TS]

  be explained by cocaine is that fair to [TS]

  say absolutely only after the items into [TS]

  the ratings to go ahead the whole [TS]

  decline of Jimmy Chase oh ok that's a [TS]

  fucking pity somehow somehow you know [TS]

  your guy here [TS]

  your good friend Bill Murray survived it [TS]

  I don't know how surviving humans [TS]

  feeling he did a lot of cocaine [TS]

  oh yeah but but somehow he kept his [TS]

  second st maarten-st martin cocaine [TS]

  did you read his autobiography and [TS]

  listen to the book on tape and I enjoyed [TS]

  it very very much i just heard him on [TS]

  fresh air in a in a repackaged [TS]

  readmission of multiple interviews that [TS]

  they re-edited from re-edit for their [TS]

  DVD rerelease and Davies was in there [TS]

  instead of Terry Gross who is in for [TS]

  Davis who was in yes [TS]

  and that and I heard that interview yeah [TS]

  and Steve Martin sounds like he should [TS]

  have done cocaine but may not have done [TS]

  that much cocaine he seems like he's had [TS]

  about him [TS]

  Steve Martin talk about a guy who was [TS]

  shagging some babes [TS]

  no except he did some shagging but the [TS]

  thing about steve martin i get the sense [TS]

  is that he shags babes but not without [TS]

  some not without thinking about it he [TS]

  didn't just shaggin baby shagged a baby [TS]

  and then he thought about it a little [TS]

  bit and then that he didn't tell anybody [TS]

  no no he's a man of he's a man he's a [TS]

  very private person so I do feel like he [TS]

  probably tried some cocaine but I i [TS]

  think i think he he was not you never I [TS]

  don't think Steve Martin never descended [TS]

  into that pit of hell he just wanted to [TS]

  get a magician if you've seen the card [TS]

  that he used to give to people [TS]

  no i don't think so i admire this a lot [TS]

  and this is this true i met somebody who [TS]

  got one of these you can search for [TS]

  Steve Martin card on the internet and [TS]

  you will find this seems a very private [TS]

  man i sent me a link two million of [TS]

  course I'm sorry I it's very private man [TS]

  and you know notoriously so he won't [TS]

  even talk about for a long time [TS]

  apparently he would even you know [TS]

  everybody knew that he liked art but he [TS]

  won't even talk about like what art he [TS]

  owned like he's just he's really it's [TS]

  really does interesting fella [TS]

  anyway uuid you know it doesn't like to [TS]

  be bothered you so easy we know with [TS]

  people is not with people he sitting [TS]

  enjoying a meal and some because i was [TS]

  only chance to learn you're so great [TS]

  we've got to get connected and steve [TS]

  martin is not a man who likes so as you [TS]

  can see you're smart hand you could say [TS]

  it was they can I get your autograph and [TS]

  Steve Martin hand you a pre-printed card [TS]

  that says this certifies that you've had [TS]

  a personal encounter with me and that [TS]

  you found me warm polite intelligent and [TS]

  funny up that's all anybody wants [TS]

  anybody wants I was at a restaurant one [TS]

  time with Zooey Deschanel and we walked [TS]

  out of the restaurant onto the sidewalk [TS]

  and there was a little group of people [TS]

  Justin this was this before to a TV show [TS]

  there's a little group of indie rock [TS]

  people a couple of girls a couple of [TS]

  boys they had skinny pants on and big [TS]

  chunky glasses [TS]

  and they had a sauce go in and they [TS]

  waited patiently outside for an hour or [TS]

  two [TS]

  however long we were in there eating [TS]

  dinner and we came outside and they were [TS]

  like ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod [TS]

  ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod and so [TS]

  it was very very gracious with them and [TS]

  she signed all their things and then out [TS]

  came their cameras and so he said hey [TS]

  you guys I really don't feel like having [TS]

  my picture taken right now because I [TS]

  just feel I'm just out having lunch with [TS]

  a friend is that cool and they were all [TS]

  like oh totally totally of course and [TS]

  nobody took our picture and all and off [TS]

  we go [TS]

  and it was an encounter where so it was [TS]

  very human with them and all they wanted [TS]

  was a card from her that said this [TS]

  certifies that you have had a personal [TS]

  encounter with me and the picture was [TS]

  going to be that but then when Zoe asked [TS]

  them not to take a picture in a really [TS]

  nice way that became the card you know [TS]

  how she had now that's on facebook now [TS]

  they have a story they didn't need the [TS]

  picture anymore because now they had a [TS]

  story where they're like you know what i [TS]

  meant no additional one time and she [TS]

  asked me not to take a picture and it [TS]

  was really cool and it and it was a it [TS]

  was a also that you're saying they [TS]

  actually really didn't mind they didn't [TS]

  take a picture and they didn't mind [TS]

  because now they had story and strains [TS]

  credulity well it's out and i think it's [TS]

  true and that's why I awesome that's [TS]

  awesome dusty mine said hey steve martin [TS]

  i'm a huge fan and he had and he said [TS]

  nothing [TS]

  he handed me this card and like winked [TS]

  at me and then went back to what he was [TS]

  doing [TS]

  I would walk away with that card and i [TS]

  would say I would you know check it [TS]

  right i would Pat I would catch on that [TS]

  card everybody for a year with you and [TS]

  then the zoo Easter's are are different [TS]

  in that regard president by the way up [TS]

  are different from most people in that [TS]

  regard where and I've been this creepy [TS]

  guy and I've been on the receiving end [TS]

  of this creepy guy which is it will [TS]

  never stop escalating it will start with [TS]

  it could be a playful jiving driving [TS]

  rather it could be a you know hey only [TS]

  the from the thing and then it's going [TS]

  to be my piece and then it [TS]

  be a picture and then pretty soon like [TS]

  that person was to move in so last with [TS]

  as with the front of our seats on your [TS]

  hands [TS]

  mmm yeah yes now she's probably had some [TS]

  penises on your pants off my passion get [TS]

  your penis off my pants I know where [TS]

  she's a lot of moves fast she's not [TS]

  nobody's nobody's getting close to her [TS]

  that way [TS]

  yeah but that's what does not a skill [TS]

  and we have we have we have a mutual [TS]

  friend who would be embarrassed if we [TS]

  said this about him but he's awfully [TS]

  good at that we have a mutual friend who [TS]

  is awfully good at being exactly as [TS]

  gracious as he wants to be and then [TS]

  making it very clear that we're done now [TS]

  and I i we have several other mutual [TS]

  friends who envied that ability but it [TS]

  is because you don't you know I guess [TS]

  especially if you have a certain kind of [TS]

  test term public image that you can get [TS]

  away with that more you know what i mean [TS]

  but you know it uh I i had a very bad [TS]

  very first strange lunch the other day [TS]

  with a friend who uh we were talking at [TS]

  we're talking about ourselves and and [TS]

  how difficult it is to be happy [TS]

  sometimes this friend is a mutual [TS]

  friend's friend I had lunch with a [TS]

  mutual friend of yours and mine who owns [TS]

  a local record label [TS]

  uh-huh and he said you know my dad was a [TS]

  jerk a my whole life because he believed [TS]

  that he was destined for bigger things [TS]

  then the things that he had in front of [TS]

  him and he was he was mad about it he [TS]

  was a jerk to everybody and I just had a [TS]

  conversation with him very recently [TS]

  where he said that he realized that he [TS]

  was not failing to live up to his [TS]

  potential his whole life but in fact it [TS]

  was just that his potential was not as [TS]

  great as he thought all that in fact I [TS]

  that's a double double ouch [TS]

  in fact he had been living up to his [TS]

  potential the entire Tosh and that what [TS]

  he should have been doing was just [TS]

  realizing that being happy [TS]

  and so he was miserable because he was [TS]

  kicking himself his whole life not [TS]

  achieving as much as he danced to that [TS]

  is it that is a german film [TS]

  holy shit that hurts and instead yeah [TS]

  instead he should have been happy his [TS]

  whole life because he was actually he [TS]

  was actually doing he was actually [TS]

  working to to his capacity the whole [TS]

  time and and sitting across the table [TS]

  from this guy was like I don't know what [TS]

  I don't know which part of this hurts me [TS]

  more [TS]

  I don't know which part i don't know [TS]

  which side of your little lesson that [TS]

  you're trying to impart to me is is [TS]

  grosser is harder for me to swallow like [TS]

  either i am either I'm actually living [TS]

  up to my potential right now and I'm [TS]

  miserable for no reason I don't know if [TS]

  you just feel sorry it's fucking weird [TS]

  shit which is fucking steps sucks [TS]

  yeah are you kidding me and and and the [TS]

  lesson is that I just need to be content [TS]

  and happy with what I what I what I am [TS]

  doing now and not aspire and not be on [TS]

  top of myself all the time trying to [TS]

  charge forward and and be bare and that [TS]

  causes me you know great despair or the [TS]

  alternative is that i do that my whole [TS]

  life and him miserable and then when i'm [TS]

  old i look back and go how that was that [TS]

  was all for my hand and just when we're [TS]

  done recording please not live i would [TS]

  love to hear which one of those messages [TS]

  you think he was sending to you because [TS]

  that could really say a lot about the [TS]

  next five years of your life [TS]

  next five years of your life [TS]

  actually grabbed him by the shirt was [TS]

  like you honestly think I'm living up to [TS]

  my potential tell me he was like no no [TS]

  not at all i was like thank you [TS]

  what's in the box what's in the bag was [TS]

  never right I'm not living up to my [TS]

  potential [TS]

  fucking-a once you start telling me that [TS]

  I'm living up to my potential what a [TS]

  what a terrible thing to say to sauna is [TS]

  awful it's like you don't sweat much for [TS]

  a fat girl but which way to go I now I [TS]

  know which way to go i don't know i [TS]

  gotta be able to do you think about this [TS]

  the boy just examples from what we just [TS]

  just talked about you remember the [TS]

  anecdote Steve Martin talking about his [TS]

  dad and his dad like I think was pretty [TS]

  much like just about on his deathbed [TS]

  before you ever said anything really [TS]

  nice about his work he's been on all [TS]

  these you know he was a huge success i'm [TS]

  using ridiculously huge success story [TS]

  was able to walk him i was able to walk [TS]

  away from his career-making career just [TS]

  go do something else and what could be [TS]

  more attractive into play stadiums and [TS]

  maybe the only comedian to really play [TS]

  stadium shows like 40,000 people right [TS]

  would come to watch steve martin put up [TS]

  at where that arrow through the head [TS]

  thing and and well and what's and what's [TS]

  weird for people like you and me like [TS]

  you remember when you're younger and [TS]

  everything feels like it's you know [TS]

  takes longer every school year feels [TS]

  like it takes forever his first album [TS]

  came out i think in 1975 the same year [TS]

  he first appeared on Saturday Night Live [TS]

  which was the career maker for him I [TS]

  think his last record was like making e2 [TS]

  maybe I mean he did all of that like era [TS]

  through the head guy stuff and then just [TS]

  walked away and said that's it you know [TS]

  i'm done here like the jerk is really [TS]

  much closer to Steve Martin stand up [TS]

  then say you know Steve Martin like [TS]

  Roxanne or something but it was really [TS]

  he was like what's my magazine at the [TS]

  time he was at the time what's my [TS]

  magazine would later call a celebrity [TS]

  refusenik right where he stopped stand [TS]

  up in nineteen wait for ya 81 oh come on [TS]

  1981 and I got 44 I've actually written [TS]

  on three cards so we should come back to [TS]

  that but but his father [TS]

  okay so you got that you notice you got [TS]

  here you got that was named Jackson not [TS]

  the one guy the other guy that father [TS]

  the Jackson 5 totally right right [TS]

  classic marie wilson on you is that guy [TS]

  has good night Jackson squads very [TS]

  handsome on every time your eyes always [TS]

  going to be peering like that [TS]

  and Marie Wilson the father of the Brian [TS]

  in the and the boys so disapproving [TS]

  fathers or Father's that route that that [TS]

  don't give up don't give approval [TS]

  yes and with the case of Marie Murray's [TS]

  always felt you know for the first day [TS]

  of class I would take it out make brian [TS]

  looking the whole yeah and-and-and so [TS]

  what Murray had inserted himself into [TS]

  every aspect of their career because he [TS]

  was a failed musician he was like he had [TS]

  he did not have Brian Brian like when he [TS]

  was still lucid well-suited lucid he had [TS]

  more talent you know in his pinky then [TS]

  his father had his entire life but this [TS]

  is the story over and over you hear [TS]

  these stories I guess what this is like [TS]

  gypsy rose lee whatever all these [TS]

  stories you hear about I'm just saying [TS]

  like it's we've got you know we gotta we [TS]

  gotta steer around this John with our [TS]

  kids were obviously we're already pretty [TS]

  good and fucked up [TS]

  yeah we don't we don't want to we don't [TS]

  want to we don't want to withhold our [TS]

  love and approval from our children i [TS]

  watch i watch too many movies i watch [TS]

  the first half of the movie her was [TS]

  really good last night and that was okay [TS]

  it's a movie about this little guy image [TS]

  pan who makes let's consider the best [TS]

  sushi in the world [TS]

  oh that's coming there's a notice me 200 [TS]

  dreams of sushi I think it's called I [TS]

  don't know the movie but what there is [TS]

  in Japan a cultural like there is the [TS]

  best woodcutter in Japan the best barrel [TS]

  maker in Japan there's a there's a [TS]

  cultural imperative to find the crafts [TS]

  person in each of the of the traditional [TS]

  Japanese arts and like identify him or [TS]

  her as the greatest X in Japan and like [TS]

  shower this person with money and [TS]

  accolades and wow really yeah isn't it [TS]

  seems really super Japanese it's very [TS]

  Japanese and but it's also like can you [TS]

  imagine I mean I I think you have to [TS]

  have a kind of you have a somewhat of a [TS]

  uniform culture in order to to say like [TS]

  a barrel making is a great part of [TS]

  people think we can call them pretty [TS]

  uniform culture and this guy this guy is [TS]

  the great barrel maker and you know that [TS]

  whole business of like the the [TS]

  calligraphy alright you know there is [TS]

  the greatest calligrapher in Japan and [TS]

  he [TS]

  is a national treasure and I think [TS]

  that's what they're called national [TS]

  national treasures you become like the [TS]

  east [TS]

  yeah there's this little box in Japanese [TS]

  there's a lot of stuff that people are [TS]

  very concerned about Japan that feels [TS]

  like a mr. show sketch to me it's [TS]

  because there's people who see the [TS]

  stations and things that are lost on me [TS]

  but Sookie bashe 2014 mustache and so he [TS]

  in one part of this and personally I [TS]

  don't know it i don't know they have to [TS]

  Philip Glass soundtrack which is always [TS]

  problematic because the thing perfect [TS]

  the art of sushi am now when we start [TS]

  talking about the art of sushi who then [TS]

  went into this world of like is there an [TS]

  art of french fries [TS]

  is there an art of is there an art of [TS]

  sugar picking like the IC these are [TS]

  concepts that in Japan I think you could [TS]

  get into a fistfight in a bar / like is [TS]

  he the greatest booger picker in all of [TS]

  Japan who has he gone through his [TS]

  apprenticeship as he's really but in [TS]

  those you put in miles has he has he [TS]

  fingered the finger as he really gotten [TS]

  in there long enough [TS]

  yeah and deep enough let's add a certain [TS]

  point at a certain point and this is [TS]

  that this is the mystery of Asia this is [TS]

  what makes pages so inscrutable not to [TS]

  get people who but if you do something [TS]

  lon does do you get first of all do you [TS]

  become a master added and second of all [TS]

  is that the road to enlightenment if you [TS]

  should if you just sit and and you know [TS]

  press your finger into your taint into [TS]

  that soft area between foo your beer [TS]

  pooper and your general um we just press [TS]

  on it [TS]

  yeah and then release press and release [TS]

  the press and release and do that for 40 [TS]

  years will you [TS]

  IC will you achieve a higher [TS]

  consciousness income taxes on did you [TS]

  become the there's work for this that [TS]

  he's the they use this word i think i [TS]

  know what you're talking about i think [TS]

  they use this actual word the sushi [TS]

  could [TS]

  look for it later but yeah thnkx oh my i [TS]

  want to fuck this one to four episodes [TS]

  because there's a lot to finish here i'm [TS]

  always interesting talking about the [TS]

  taint and in Japan I know you do and my [TS]

  goodness I the buddy system to a son so [TS]

  is his two sons [TS]

  here's one sign who is is so basically [TS]

  it's $300 you come into this place it's [TS]

  got a bar to see this movie [TS]

  now now i watch on netflix was lying in [TS]

  bed was comfortable six watching them [TS]

  yet but I I you know I was good at it i [TS]

  don't think it's a catfish it it's got [TS]

  99 percent on rotten tomatoes but I [TS]

  thought it was a little samey and I can [TS]

  fill up the whole class you know how [TS]

  many how many more songs can you get out [TS]

  of done and uh I get 15 15 15 squad [TS]

  gonna pick a pocket rocket on bad bad [TS]

  bad bad you got to get up get up get up [TS]

  and talk about my Baba did I spent a lot [TS]

  of ways i thought was a joke i thought [TS]

  it was like it was like a I really want [TS]

  you to do your Philip Glass impression [TS]

  that one of our life performance which [TS]

  we should mention probably what he's [TS]

  doing he's talking about his kids he's [TS]

  talking about the fact that one time he [TS]

  slept in late on a Sunday and is [TS]

  literally honestly one of his kids said [TS]

  there's a stranger in the house because [TS]

  he would leave for work at five in the [TS]

  morning and come home after ten at night [TS]

  and he continues to work every day if he [TS]

  goes to a funeral he's 80-something [TS]

  years old if he goes to a funeral his [TS]

  his son who's 51 and works for him [TS]

  fills in the place has 10 seats $300 a [TS]

  plate takes about 15 minutes to eat this [TS]

  in a normal situation is booked a month [TS]

  in advance [TS]

  that's the only like Michelin three-star [TS]

  place of its kind in the entire world [TS]

  but he sits there in front of his son [TS]

  and he talks about like to this point [TS]

  saying he's saying you know too many [TS]

  people like say you're you know say [TS]

  these things to their kids you know I [TS]

  know it's gonna be fine [TS]

  you have to tell me to push them out of [TS]

  the house and say you don't have a home [TS]

  here anymore you have no home here right [TS]

  you've got to eat basically pushing in [TS]

  the sense of like pushing them out of [TS]

  the nest [TS]

  and maybe it's just because i was [TS]

  feeling under the weather and I in for [TS]

  cupcakes but I was sitting there and [TS]

  just thinking like I I'm warming up to [TS]

  this whole don't say good I'm warming up [TS]

  to that but the whole idea of like you [TS]

  don't have a home here anymore seems [TS]

  pretty fucked up to me let me ask you [TS]

  this did you get pushed out of the nest [TS]

  now obviously possess wasn't the best [TS]

  was available to you I will always have [TS]

  a home there [TS]

  yeah my mom my mom would keep my room in [TS]

  situ if she could I think I didn't I was [TS]

  still with the no girls allowed sign on [TS]

  the door next time keep your baskets [TS]

  game masters of it [TS]

  thank you I dad out of the nest either [TS]

  and i think a lot of the decisions I [TS]

  made in my early twenties were all [TS]

  attempts to push myself out of the nest [TS]

  and you can at it's very hard [TS]

  it was very hard for me to successfully [TS]

  push myself out of the nest because I [TS]

  would I would I would leave home i would [TS]

  go I would sleep under bridges i would [TS]

  say i don't need money man I don't need [TS]

  money and i would get covered with lice [TS]

  and the people would hit me and I would [TS]

  get I would have a perpetually runny [TS]

  nose and I looked I looked like I lived [TS]

  in a bill and then at a certain points [TS]

  when I would when you know when there [TS]

  would be when they would actually be [TS]

  like little families of sea monkeys [TS]

  living under my fingernails i would say [TS]

  this sucks and i would go find a [TS]

  payphone and I would dial collect to [TS]

  Alaska and the operator would say more [TS]

  acceptable a call from John and my mom [TS]

  or dad would say yes oh my god and i [TS]

  would go high and they go where are you [TS]

  where have you been [TS]

  and i would say i'm in st. Louis [TS]

  Missouri and they would go [TS]

  what was wrong with you why haven't you [TS]

  called and i would say I'm fine lonely [TS]

  and they would go up [TS]

  God well why don't you come home and I [TS]

  would say okay my god your your your mom [TS]

  in particular it's she's such a [TS]

  fascinating person and there's she's not [TS]

  i don't know now what's the word I'm [TS]

  looking for she's she just always [TS]

  surprises me [TS]

  it's amazing what you will and won't put [TS]

  up with and then what you want and we'll [TS]

  put up with it it's shaky believe she [TS]

  suffered you for so long and so gladly [TS]

  and so graciously well and there was a [TS]

  part of me i think in the family stop it [TS]

  was talking with thank you suggested to [TS]

  your targets such as hell but she's but [TS]

  but that and I think that is a [TS]

  generational that that is a generational [TS]

  ship that was happening because i think [TS]

  at at because when she was that age she [TS]

  said you know what I'm never going back [TS]

  to Ohio and she left Ohio and she never [TS]

  went back and when I left Alaska and [TS]

  said you know what I'm never going back [TS]

  to Alaska [TS]

  in fact i did go back to Alaska who and [TS]

  i went back and said and then I left [TS]

  again and said I'm never coming back [TS]

  here and I did go back and i went back [TS]

  multiple times and I that part of me [TS]

  kept waiting for them to say that for [TS]

  them to slam the door on me for it for [TS]

  him to say you do not have a home here [TS]

  anymore and it never happened and I was [TS]

  not successfully I was not able to do it [TS]

  myself I was not able to slam that door [TS]

  in my own face for whatever reason and i [TS]

  don't know whether it is that we are [TS]

  that we were the first generation of of [TS]

  fruits i don't know what their I don't [TS]

  know [TS]

  kc you see what happens is the [TS]

  revolutions of 1848 that that set in [TS]

  motion a chain of events where the the [TS]

  Kaiser was deposed and then eventually I [TS]

  became a fruit I don't know whether it [TS]

  was 44 I don't know what it is [TS]

  what happened to us that we were not [TS]

  pushed out of our homes and we also [TS]

  never really severed those apron strings [TS]

  ourselves [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  and and again this may be another [TS]

  example of me being too hard on myself [TS]

  than 175 and sitting I you know with my [TS]

  child I'm gonna say you know what I [TS]

  should have been a lot easier on myself [TS]

  because I was doing the best I could [TS]

  never realized how low your standard [TS]

  should be you never realize healthy you [TS]

  know how low your potential truly was [TS]

  that whole time when you were actually [TS]

  doing better than you should be doing [TS]

  right now all time that I was doing [TS]

  people sandwiches in the bathtub and [TS]

  bring about a feeling like that was a [TS]

  career that actually was a career that [TS]

  was as good as I could do that was it [TS]

  will become your own harry chapin saw it [TS]

  was peeking and I shouldn't I should [TS]

  have known I should have been happier [TS]

  I'll god this is gonna dog me this is [TS]

  sets this that the whole idea that is so [TS]

  gonna dog me down the line long time [TS]

  probably this week but kuya diary this I [TS]

  would love for you to tell the story [TS]

  about your mom and then there and her [TS]

  dental work at some point you told me [TS]

  that when i was in Seattle I'd never [TS]

  heard that story and like all things [TS]

  again and once you get too personal but [TS]

  I mean it's a story maybe next time [TS]

  we're sharing because i think you really [TS]

  really think somebody somebody who's [TS]

  been through what your mom has been [TS]

  through has the stones to go you know [TS]

  what I'm not going back to Ohio and [TS]

  that's just how it's going to be well [TS]

  but here's the here's the funny thing [TS]

  you think about you think about all the [TS]

  Holocaust survivors who right now are [TS]

  there that there are very few of them [TS]

  left you know they're they're dying at a [TS]

  rate of of fifty percent of a day or [TS]

  whatever but you think about those [TS]

  people and what they endured and the [TS]

  fact that they then rejoined human life [TS]

  and lived in towns and went to the [TS]

  grocery store and watched their shows on [TS]

  TV and the gap you want to think that [TS]

  that that what they endured made them [TS]

  into a different kind of human being [TS]

  like an unprecedented kind of human that [TS]

  air that their ability to endure the [TS]

  suffering that they had endured them the [TS]

  trauma that they expect their like [TS]

  superhuman there-there there-there the [TS]

  metal for their blade has been folded [TS]

  many more times than other people [TS]

  they've been forged into something right [TS]

  whatever level that they are other [TS]

  utterly other but in fact [TS]

  the difference between those the the [TS]

  difference between an [TS]

  eighty-five-year-old Holocaust survivor [TS]

  and me is actually not that the Gulf [TS]

  isn't that wide but the the Gulf of [TS]

  human experience although people like [TS]

  the things that my mom experienced in [TS]

  her childhood and the pain that she was [TS]

  capable of enduring uh seems the [TS]

  inconceivable to attempt to me who has [TS]

  never who's never actually walked five [TS]

  miles on a broken foot or had a like 15 [TS]

  root canals with no anesthesia that has [TS]

  net at that is inconceivable to me and [TS]

  to imagine she enjoyed those things she [TS]

  must be must be utterly different but in [TS]

  fact she's she is a human being she is [TS]

  she has the same capacities that I do [TS]

  and the same she's a certainly certainly [TS]

  a Holocaust survivor has a lot of other [TS]

  things going on but this is the crazy [TS]

  thing about about humanity that what is [TS]

  the same about us across cultures across [TS]

  that the difference between rich and [TS]

  poor the difference the differences [TS]

  between us are so miniscule we are all [TS]

  we are ultimately very very very alike [TS]

  and very very a liking in capability and [TS]

  in in and and ultimately like [TS]

  inexperienced you know this is the this [TS]

  is the thing about relative suffering [TS]

  right i mean the the somebody like you [TS]

  or somebody like me who has had X amount [TS]

  of suffering in our life and at this is [TS]

  why I I object so much to the idea of [TS]

  white people problems or first world [TS]

  problems that phrase drives me crazy [TS]

  because the relative experience of [TS]

  suffering is it [TS]

  it actually is relative that this this [TS]

  person who has who worked their entire [TS]

  lives in a mercury mind and this person [TS]

  who was born with a silver spoon in [TS]

  their mouth to say that the one that was [TS]

  born with a suit silver spoon in his [TS]

  mouth doesn't know suffering who is [TS]

  incredibly condescending and in fact the [TS]

  person who worked in a mercury mind his [TS]

  whole life and died at 30 he danced and [TS]

  sang and enjoyed his his food so so the [TS]

  idea that suffering is on some kind of [TS]

  on some kind of measurable scale and the [TS]

  person who has suffered the most has a [TS]

  nobility that the person who has [TS]

  suffered the least has no access to is [TS]

  to misjudge what it is to be human [TS]

  hmm i think it's because I'm and are now [TS]

  trying to decide if this makes all the [TS]

  sense or none of the sense but it is a [TS]

  it is actually peculiarly a to use the [TS]

  phrase you don't like it is kind of a [TS]

  white guy thing to arm 22 [TS]

  I don't know I don't know it's it's it [TS]

  it's fighting me how many of the people [TS]

  who are out there worrying about these [TS]

  things are indeed my people like you and [TS]

  me what we've just done a podcast about [TS]

  it [TS]

  well this is that this I when I was [TS]

  walking across europe i remember sitting [TS]

  in a in this uh this apartment in [TS]

  Romania it's always in Romanian my [TS]

  stories but this was the this was a [TS]

  place where where the there was a shit [TS]

  girl had a shower and the shower pointed [TS]

  at the toilet and the light that she had [TS]

  in her apartment came in through a bare [TS]

  wire that went like over the shower [TS]

  through the door and to a light bulb [TS]

  hanging you know over her like palette [TS]

  of a bed and the the cement walls of her [TS]

  like one room apartment we're sweating [TS]

  the moisture and i'm sitting on the [TS]

  floor because I because she's let me [TS]

  come there and sleep that night and [TS]

  she's sitting on the bed and we're [TS]

  talking and we don't have a common [TS]

  language she doesn't speak English and I [TS]

  don't speak Romanian but we're we're [TS]

  talking in that whether you'd you learn [TS]

  to talk with people that you don't have [TS]

  a language with and 0 after a while she [TS]

  she looks at me and she says you know I [TS]

  would love that that the only way that [TS]

  you can do what you're doing [TS]

  the only way that you can have the [TS]

  thoughts that you're having and walk [TS]

  across Europe in this way and think [TS]

  about the world in this way is because [TS]

  you're rich [TS]

  there's no other e-mail this is a luxury [TS]

  and it is you are doing a thing that [TS]

  only a rich person can do and I said but [TS]

  you and I are here and i am you know i'm [TS]

  i'm using your hospitality tonight yet [TS]

  if if it weren't for you I would be [TS]

  sleeping outside on the ground and I'm [TS]

  sleeping here and your apartment is is [TS]

  that is you have the luxuries and this [TS]

  in our relationship and she said yeah [TS]

  you are rich enough to deny yourself [TS]

  luxury and I [TS]

  chewed on it but the people who wrote [TS]

  the Declaration of Independence were [TS]

  rich enough to deny themselves the [TS]

  luxury of becoming tyrants and we can't [TS]

  we can't look at them and say that white [TS]

  people problems you know like the this [TS]

  the story of human beings is it that the [TS]

  difference between a rich person and a [TS]

  poor person seemed so incredible to us [TS]

  because we are here where we're in it i [TS]

  think if you were flying overhead in a [TS]

  in a UFO and looking down at somebody [TS]

  who is sleeping in a mud hole and Donald [TS]

  Trump you might not see there being that [TS]

  big of a gulf between the two lives [TS]

  because we're all living in a mud hole [TS]

  here Donald Trump's solid gold bed is [TS]

  not that much different from a mudhole [TS]

  from if you get if you get high enough [TS]

  up in the sky [TS]

  you know we all have to we all have to [TS]

  poop and it's also the so let me let me [TS]

  ask you this if Donald Trump if every [TS]

  time Donald Trump oops [TS]

  it feels like he's pooping race blades [TS]

  who which I hope is the case in magic [TS]

  enough water [TS]

  I really hope that's true that every [TS]

  time Donald Trump oops [TS]

  it feels like he's pooping raising lot [TS]

  stuff and then in contrast you think of [TS]

  someone who lives in a shack that they [TS]

  made out of grass that they cut [TS]

  themselves and they and they sleep on a [TS]

  dirt floor but every time they poop [TS]

  it feels so amazing every single one of [TS]

  their groups is amazing [TS]

  which one of those two people would you [TS]

  rather be [TS]

  mmm [TS]

  can I have a third option no those are [TS]

  your two options entire lives in a [TS]

  graphic and everyone who is amazing [TS]

  yeah oh my god oh you're getting I don't [TS]

  have an answer to that but you're [TS]

  getting to the basic contradiction there [TS]

  which is that you know in order to make [TS]

  anything a good story we have to pull [TS]

  out one thing to contrast if you pull up [TS]

  14 things the contrast is not a good [TS]

  story anymore and so the stories that we [TS]

  tell ourselves about these things are [TS]

  about try asking whether somebody is [TS]

  rich or whether they're poor whether [TS]

  they're good or whether they are bad and [TS]

  and the stories about that have any more [TS]

  texture to it than that tends to make [TS]

  people lose their attention for it [TS]

  because it's not it doesn't you know you [TS]

  want to either know that the additional [TS]

  was really great to her fans or that she [TS]

  was a big dick and depending on like [TS]

  what your point of view is on that [TS]

  you're going to tell a story that's [TS]

  where we're going here in a certain way [TS]

  it's just really just a bunch of people [TS]

  standing around doing stuff and you know [TS]

  and I the mud the mud the mud whole [TS]

  thing is interesting to me this is [TS]

  really overly subtle but it's it's not [TS]

  it it's um maybe it's not so far stick [TS]

  and leaves down some girl shirt i guess [TS]

  but it's it's one thing to think that [TS]

  people are different and it's another [TS]

  thing to have strong opinions about what [TS]

  that difference means to make them [TS]

  different because that's when you get [TS]

  students pretty subtle well I mean the [TS]

  thing is there's certainly first [TS]

  personally more to the lives of all the [TS]

  people then how they feel on the poop [TS]

  although that's a big one for me but [TS]

  notice but also but isn't this part of [TS]

  the little problem in some ways is to [TS]

  look at someone and go oh you are a [TS]

  person with dark skin and therefore must [TS]

  defend you [TS]

  well no I I could be your boss thanks [TS]

  but no thanks [TS]

  you know I so you know that that person [TS]

  is different but if your whole paradigm [TS]

  is that essentially that dark people [TS]

  need to be defended by me then what that [TS]

  difference is i'm not trying to be out [TS]

  there a dire but the thing that the [TS]

  person that the thing that made that [TS]

  person different apparent to you they're [TS]

  black and your white and so you've [TS]

  decided you've taken it upon yourself [TS]

  that you're going to be their protector [TS]

  consequently using what you see as the [TS]

  difference to not allow them to be [TS]

  different in the way that they want to [TS]

  be different right [TS]

  it's so what I'm trying to say is it's [TS]

  one thing to say well you know girls are [TS]

  softer than guys you know you know guys [TS]

  are taller than girls there are certain [TS]

  things [TS]

  so that are biologically accurate [TS]

  there's a chromosomal difference right [TS]

  and if you don't acknowledge that you're [TS]

  not a learned person but it's when you [TS]

  take that scientific fact and try to [TS]

  make it into something that it's not [TS]

  that you get real stupid and I think [TS]

  that's what happens a lot of white [TS]

  people think of a german thing in a [TS]

  dinner thing but I think what we do is [TS]

  we are constantly looking for [TS]

  distinctions as animals to help us stay [TS]

  alive and help us thrive and make babies [TS]

  and get a meal and we're always looking [TS]

  for this versus that you know what I [TS]

  mean [TS]

  and so that's that's to me where it gets [TS]

  complicated [TS]

  I mean I think you're right i think [TS]

  everybody needs to come back and realize [TS]

  you're living in a mud hole every once [TS]

  in awhile but you know I think it also [TS]

  takes we are evolved enough that I think [TS]

  having a certain amount of empathy about [TS]

  the about how everybody feels different [TS]

  when they poo is a good thing you know [TS]

  what I mean it's a trophy [TS]

  I just did I I the thing that you can [TS]

  little salt the time but at least the [TS]

  Conservatives have ground cover and that [TS]

  their monkey balls crazy a lot of the [TS]

  time the problem is that a lot of a lot [TS]

  of my friends like that who are really [TS]

  really smart think they've got a lot of [TS]

  stuff you know nail down pretty hard and [TS]

  you know I don't think they've asked [TS]

  around you know a lot of the people who [TS]

  are being looked out for and you know [TS]

  you don't really need to look too far to [TS]

  see real world examples of this you know [TS]

  it wasn't too long ago when i was a kid [TS]

  that you would look at somebody and you [TS]

  would say that persons are but before I [TS]

  was born you see that person's a cripple [TS]

  the person's a gimp a person is a [TS]

  fucking cripple they are crippled and [TS]

  then we started saying well know that [TS]

  person is not crippled that person is [TS]

  handicapped and say well know that [TS]

  persons not handicapped that person is [TS]

  disabled that person is and so on and so [TS]

  and so and you can make me yeah right so [TS]

  you can take to the point where it gets [TS]

  sillier and sillier in terms of the [TS]

  jokes but what it really is it's a [TS]

  person we've got fucked up stuff about [TS]

  it it's just that this person has a [TS]

  wheelchair oh my gosh they have a [TS]

  wheelchair that's so sad no it's not sad [TS]

  fucking wheelchair helps them get around [TS]

  and they're doing great you know it's [TS]

  just there's something really inside of [TS]

  all of this like looking out for like I [TS]

  only the most cracking wise about that [TS]

  new joke that new term ablest you're [TS]

  being able us about things [TS]

  yeah well like you know [TS]

  you know if you're if you're if you are [TS]

  a person who is an unsighted sighted [TS]

  person if you're an uncaring person if [TS]

  you have this right here on the spectrum [TS]

  of problems right man you have every [TS]

  right in the world to stand up i have [TS]

  have not a super good friend i have a [TS]

  pretty good friend who does constantly [TS]

  aware of what it's like to be a blind [TS]

  person and you realize how much [TS]

  something like an iphone is kind of a [TS]

  dick to use if you're a blind person but [TS]

  i guess the thing that bugs me is like [TS]

  it's you're not really not you but the [TS]

  folks that I'm braylon about are not [TS]

  it's not that they're really even trying [TS]

  to help anybody I try to look good and [TS]

  they're trying they're they're out there [TS]

  trying to say something that nobody [TS]

  could disagree with it helps fucking [TS]

  absolutely no one is it it i think what [TS]

  what happened was there for all of human [TS]

  history the idea that we were that we [TS]

  were not animals was an idea that we [TS]

  clung to because the evidence that we [TS]

  were animals was right over our [TS]

  shoulders all the time you know if you [TS]

  lived on a farm [TS]

  you woke up every morning and put on a [TS]

  freshly ironed shirt that was heavily [TS]

  starched and a black suit because if you [TS]

  if you let that go if you let that slide [TS]

  and you started dressing like a slob in [TS]

  your sweatpants [TS]

  I mean the difference between you and [TS]

  your pigs who are living right outside [TS]

  your window it was a distinction you had [TS]

  a real vested interest in maintaining [TS]

  you know your pics are right there and [TS]

  the similarities between you and your [TS]

  pigs are there for all to see over [TS]

  unless you maintain this did this [TS]

  separation and we were human [TS]

  civilization was built on some big ideas [TS]

  that came from the top down like God [TS]

  said X and the law says this and the [TS]

  King says that and the as time has gone [TS]

  on certainly on the liberal and then the [TS]

  Conservatives i think in most cases [TS]

  still live that way but on the liberal [TS]

  side of the equation we don't allow [TS]

  ourselves to have big ideas that [TS]

  governess anymore and most of the people [TS]

  in the world are [TS]

  they see a bunch of like somebody blows [TS]

  a bunch of bubbles and we're out trying [TS]

  to you know trying to pop each bubble [TS]

  like each bubble is its own super [TS]

  important point that we need to make [TS]

  this is a super important level cannot [TS]

  be allowed to survive I need to deal [TS]

  with this bubble and then i need to do [TS]

  with that bubble over there and if you [TS]

  if you start to try and talk about big [TS]

  ideas governing ideas concepts those are [TS]

  we we feel like on the liberal side of [TS]

  the of the aisle we feel like [TS]

  incorrectly that a lot of those ideas [TS]

  are resolved we we know what the deal is [TS]

  you know we-we-we-we are the educated [TS]

  side of this equation and we know we [TS]

  know what the deal is and we have [TS]

  rejected God and we have rejected [TS]

  Nietzsche and we have rejected uh we [TS]

  have rejected the idea of a oligarchy we [TS]

  have we have rejected the idea of [TS]

  rejected everything except seeing how it [TS]

  really is i think i think there's a [TS]

  certain sense of like well how gosh even [TS]

  as recently as for five years ago there [TS]

  were people whose vision was heavily [TS]

  occluded and aren't we lucky to be able [TS]

  to see as clearly sees that we finally [TS]

  why can't everybody have this gift and [TS]

  in just in the course of our adult lives [TS]

  we have culturally the first thing we [TS]

  did was reject all the great books [TS]

  because they were written by the wrong [TS]

  people and they encoded privilege and so [TS]

  we rejected all the world's wisdom and [TS]

  we rejected all of them we've certainly [TS]

  rejected the idea that there are some [TS]

  families that are there there are some [TS]

  people who are uh who are better you [TS]

  know the people that the Kennedys or [TS]

  whatever they're not better [TS]

  they're just they have just they had a [TS]

  bad unequal opportunity and so we [TS]

  rejected that anyone is a natural leader [TS]

  that we rejected that any we rejected [TS]

  basically any idea that each of us is [TS]

  not a kingdom in and of ourselves and [TS]

  that each of us is not entitled to rule [TS]

  our own Kingdom [TS]

  with an iron fist and have everyone [TS]

  around us respect the you know respect [TS]

  the the autonomy of our principalities [TS]

  and not just respect but like like have [TS]

  a have reciprocal like trade agreements [TS]

  with with people with with our own [TS]

  little principalities that you think [TS]

  government which one you have an [TS]

  acknowledged one another's monarchies [TS]

  basically the current one person one [TS]

  person monarchy and if you say well [TS]

  interesting but uh you know play dough [TS]

  covered all of this up like 3,000 years [TS]

  ago people like play-doh haha white male [TS]

  had enough of your double talk and [TS]

  you're just like ba ok so i guess [TS]

  basically like I'm try i'm living this [TS]

  person over here is living according to [TS]

  the Christian Bible and this person over [TS]

  here is living according to the tenants [TS]

  of my little pony but the two things are [TS]

  equal but end and the two things are and [TS]

  and the idea that you would suggest that [TS]

  the two that the two worldviews are not [TS]

  go measure it is a is discriminatory and [TS]

  there's nothing worse than that and it's [TS]

  unsustainable it is it's it's it it's [TS]

  unsustainable it's just really hard to [TS]

  see a way that that a lot of stuff gets [TS]

  better as long as that's the only really [TS]

  culturally acceptable thing to do or to [TS]

  be yeah which is why we are starting a [TS]

  new reality we're starting a new [TS]

  muscular liberalism that that stems from [TS]

  a worldview an overarching worldview [TS]

  does it have to be muscular what about [TS]

  people who are not muscularly abled [TS]

  there there are people who will be [TS]

  muscular on their behalf [TS]

  ooh I'm sorry that's how it's gonna go [TS]

  that's how it's gotta work we welcome [TS]

  all people as long as who this is but [TS]

  they're not fruits as long as they can [TS]

  take a punch in the nose [TS]

  what [TS]

  and that's not to say that that that you [TS]

  necessarily are going to get a bunch of [TS]

  it's not that you're gonna is that [TS]

  you're gonna like it [TS]

  you know you make you make it a broken [TS]

  nose it's certainly going to hurt but [TS]

  you'll probably make it through the the [TS]

  thing is that one might be coming your [TS]

  way and so if you're right if you're [TS]

  ready if you're ready if you're if you [TS]

  are able to take a punch in the nose if [TS]

  you think you're able to take a punch in [TS]

  the nose to have the world run a little [TS]

  bit better then you're on board keep a [TS]

  small bag packed you know i'm thomas [TS]

  dolby did not get a writing credit on [TS]

  anything on that record there's so many [TS]

  keyboards on that record dude so what [TS]

  you tell me like what [TS]

  that was his name is a gram milligram [TS]

  Lou Gramm mick jones was the one is he [TS]

  the guy in the clash there to mick jones [TS]

  is one of my flash and one day Hitler [TS]

  Hitler would have taken care of that [TS]

  that's that's unacceptable [TS]

  Lou Gramm all the credits on here its [TS]

  grandma Jones Jones and gram gram and [TS]

  challenge is not a single person besides [TS]

  those two guys that have a writing [TS]

  credit on that album anything about it [TS]

  Jones wrote all the tunes and then they [TS]

  found Graham this is the you know the [TS]

  origin story and foreigner who they [TS]

  found Graham he was not it's not like [TS]

  they grew up together [TS]

  I was like a headhunting like they won't [TS]

  need a singer [TS]

  yeah because Lou Gramm had Lou Gramm was [TS]

  the guitar player in a [TS]

  uh in a band before foreigner that was [TS]

  one of those like you guys are going to [TS]

  be huge but but not yet like and he was [TS]

  he was writing tunes for other another [TS]

  man's daughter this he's American well [TS]

  you know what he was in spooky tooth [TS]

  spooky tooth and spooky tooth was like [TS]

  Sweetwater in that cameron crowe movie [TS]

  and they were meant for they were meant [TS]

  to be big but they weren't and then [TS]

  anyway he writes he writes all these [TS]

  tunes and and then they find they find [TS]

  Lou Gramm somehow and and then he writes [TS]

  he writes some of it is a Christian rock [TS]

  guy now who grandma grandma the gram [TS]

  gram bono really Luke Graham is a [TS]

  Christian rock he's working Petra and i [TS]

  don't mean Hayden it was cold as ice [TS]

  you're forgetting that record you know [TS]

  the sacrifice on the album originally [TS]

  titled silent partners for for you [TS]

  hypnosis hypnosis we did all those great [TS]

  covers all this pink floyd cover is [TS]

  always peer-to-peer girl did asked to [TS]

  design a cover based on the original [TS]

  title of silent partners developed a [TS]

  black-and-white image of a young man in [TS]

  bed with a pair of binoculars looming [TS]

  overhead resulting design was rejected [TS]

  by the band as they felt it was [TS]

  quote-unquote to homosexual [TS]

  oh so as the rest of an English maybe 10 [TS]

  different time the other English huh [TS]

  thomas dolby wrote the keyboard parts he [TS]

  didn't just getting a single goddamn [TS]

  credit you know what kind of dough he [TS]

  would have today with this cell how many [TS]

  records itself [TS]

  I you know he i picked 64 million i know [TS]

  i just like 6x platinum right right man [TS]

  you don't close to apply to me and if [TS]

  you put them all together end-to-end no [TS]

  no I in fact a hundred thousand records [TS]

  is a massive achievement now for any bit [TS]

  the only band the only indie rock bands [TS]

  that have sold hundred thousand records [TS]

  are the Death Cab has had a platinum [TS]

  record [TS]

  the decemberists have sold more than a [TS]

  hundred thousand bony their house just [TS]

  my friends sons guys seem to be doing [TS]

  pretty well she's asleep sold three [TS]

  million records in America let alone in [TS]

  Europe their massive but for bands of it [TS]

  appears that there are my peers you know [TS]

  not a sort of never sold a hundred [TS]

  thousand records coming all the fans [TS]

  that are living up to their potential [TS]

  all of us who are living who all of us [TS]

  who actually have arrived at the top of [TS]

  their capability that are just fucking [TS]

  there and just putting out records that [TS]

  sell 20,000 copies and that's it that's [TS]

  as good as they were ever meant to be [TS]

  that's it buddy 20,000 records you [TS]

  should be proud not just proud you [TS]

  should use you know you should you [TS]

  should wake up every morning and you [TS]

  should pick up your kid and kiss her on [TS]

  the forehead and say your caddy has done [TS]

  the best he could [TS]

  you're a real special guy John [TS]