Roderick on the Line

Ep. 48: "Wherever Trail Needs to Be Built"

 

  Roderick on the line is unabashedly [TS]

  sponsored by a glue software a digital [TS]

  workplace that helps you work better [TS]

  with other people sign up for a free [TS]

  30-day trial an igloo software.com / [TS]

  find your duck [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  photo know what is it just this isn't at [TS]

  all [TS]

  oh hello this is a test call while [TS]

  you're calling me how did you get this [TS]

  number [TS]

  I like it how does my voice sound oh my [TS]

  god it's never sounded so clear [TS]

  really I feel like you are sitting here [TS]

  on my lap which would be buried on ready [TS]

  from my paddling Santa setting that I'm [TS]

  in the altogether [TS]

  I'll come on it's so sad if you were [TS]

  sitting here right now huh it because it [TS]

  would cause you to question all those [TS]

  things that you think you've already [TS]

  figured out with it [TS]

  yeah like do I want to be on a naked [TS]

  man's lap mmm I bet that's a question [TS]

  you didn't think you were gonna have to [TS]

  ask yourself today i woke up a ladder [TS]

  know what 3-4 hours ago and have to be [TS]

  honestly there are a lot of questions I [TS]

  had [TS]

  and as you do and first thing in the [TS]

  morning yeah you know when I went in the [TS]

  room with that chair i was super [TS]

  cautious about it I i never got real [TS]

  near the chair i use I i like to use a [TS]

  an intermediary layer like a towel [TS]

  around your gonna make me bring up our [TS]

  heels again are you don't bring up our [TS]

  he put paper towels and paper towels and [TS]

  toilet paper on everything you know what [TS]

  I'm i live in the northwest and i [TS]

  conserve paper towels i use washable [TS]

  towels between me and everything is [TS]

  ending LOL you did you know you know how [TS]

  much disease could be carried on those [TS]

  but that but i would just be carrying it [TS]

  right down to the Washington it's your [TS]

  disease for one right party now as far [TS]

  as i know this is starting to sound like [TS]

  billy corgan lyrics [TS]

  what do you think of that drummer who [TS]

  cares yeah that's smashing pumpkins suit [TS]

  cares man you know if you ever have [TS]

  serious they were always so serious I i [TS]

  had there was a guy when I was i I just [TS]

  went down this list i was about to say [TS]

  he was my mental list like in terminator [TS]

  where say fuck you asshole [TS]

  could this list i was about to say he [TS]

  was my roommate and I was like oh [TS]

  actually I didn't live in that house i [TS]

  was just crashing on the couch and then [TS]

  I realized he didn't live in that house [TS]

  either he's just crashing on the couch [TS]

  too [TS]

  neither of us were we weren't actually [TS]

  roommate but we lived in the same house [TS]

  for a long it should be a stickler for [TS]

  that the two guys co-host the two guys [TS]

  that did live in the house i'm sure if [TS]

  they were listening to this podcast [TS]

  they'd be like god those two guys like [TS]

  those guys but this guy David and I both [TS]

  were crashing in this house for a time [TS]

  and I was starting to play music you [TS]

  know justjust then you know early [TS]

  nineties and he was playing the smashing [TS]

  pumpkins gifts at one point and I walked [TS]

  in to him it wasn't his room plus [TS]

  another guy's room and walked into the [TS]

  room where he was and I was like this [TS]

  music I don't know not that good and he [TS]

  said eternity and very seriously he was [TS]

  like never in your life will you ever [TS]

  make a thing as wonderful as true as [TS]

  smashing pumpkins gish em and I was like [TS]

  well consider that a challenge [TS]

  mmm is that something is that some here [TS]

  to live with yeah I'm still not sure if [TS]

  I have I still I'm still not sure if i [TS]

  have if I've accomplished smashing [TS]

  pumpkins gifts level of artistic [TS]

  greatness like yeah I like that one part [TS]

  of that one song goes out about a bomb [TS]

  and the rest of the bend I like the bend [TS]

  and then his voice is like oh what a [TS]

  woman using his extraordinary he's a [TS]

  classic is a classic example of it of a [TS]

  nineties eighties and nineties singer [TS]

  who made his career michael stipe is [TS]

  another one who made his career having [TS]

  unintelligible vocals mixed really low [TS]

  who and then at a certain point he got [TS]

  famous and people were telling him how [TS]

  great he was and then he started going [TS]

  into the studio in the same mix my [TS]

  vocals up and oh yeah and also you know [TS]

  rough time the the vocals come up next [TS]

  shave their head to thank you [TS]

  hello them so the locals come up ahead [TS]

  get shaved and then all of a sudden the [TS]

  fans are like wait a minute you're not [TS]

  saying anything you're just reading the [TS]

  ingredients off the back of a cereal box [TS]

  or is this is meaningless like Michael [TS]

  stripes lyrics were so enigmatic to me [TS]

  through the eighties and then as soon as [TS]

  he started a [TS]

  as soon as you can hear them I was like [TS]

  these are enigmatic these are these are [TS]

  dumb ass and then billy corgan was never [TS]

  any matter to me but but as soon as I [TS]

  could hear it better I realized he's a [TS]

  bad singer he and i think he boy right [TS]

  yeah hate to speak ill of somebody from [TS]

  Illinois but I i think i think he really [TS]

  appeals to a certain type em I do idea [TS]

  was well I don't know here's the thing [TS]

  he loves food [TS]

  LARPers haha do you remember that sure [TS]

  this is zero he didn't he had a star [TS]

  he became like Charlie Brown now I mean [TS]

  in addition to being bald you can always [TS]

  wear the same shirt and was always a [TS]

  little bit sad you know and tall guy I [TS]

  think oh you sure about that i think [TS]

  that that's that lady the sad lady on [TS]

  the base was tall I thought she was [TS]

  small I don't know about the what about [TS]

  the way to go to tweak what about the [TS]

  little guy but he seemed pretty sad too [TS]

  he has solo record i remember the little [TS]

  guy yeah one of those guys died of [TS]

  heroin no heroin [TS]

  well somebody are you sure i think so i [TS]

  have a ticket on the pretenders no no I [TS]

  have somebody from every man died of [TS]

  heroin but i'm pretty sure the summer I [TS]

  somebody from this man died of heroin [TS]

  whose that's nothing [TS]

  the cloud know that heroin never funny [TS]

  heroin is in the category of rape and [TS]

  America rules anyway let's talk about [TS]

  the William cat program from the early [TS]

  eighties I'm sorry I even brought it up [TS]

  but there's a great story of billy [TS]

  corgan in the studio and he was [TS]

  auditioning drummers after i guess maybe [TS]

  as drummer died of heroin or maybe his [TS]

  drummer kick down like this up but but [TS]

  but anyway he was auditioning drummers [TS]

  and he he was auditioning like famous [TS]

  drummers and when they would sit there [TS]

  that he would come into the room maybe [TS]

  they're at their kit like ready to [TS]

  rehearse are ready to audition and he [TS]

  would refer to them as drummer [TS]

  oh really drummer let's play that one [TS]

  more time drummer let's can you do that [TS]

  a little bit slower next like the way [TS]

  you refer to your show for his driver i [TS]

  believe so i think it's okay to refer to [TS]

  someone who's not in the room with the [TS]

  is the definite article it is not cool [TS]

  to remove the definite [TS]

  article when the person you're speaking [TS]

  to the person [TS]

  yeah I don't think that's that's not [TS]

  appropriate somebody's painting your [TS]

  house you don't go outside and say [TS]

  painter I want you to i mean i don't [TS]

  know i want a couple people that couple [TS]

  people in Northwest bands who might do [TS]

  that [TS]

  water water my flight boards to speak in [TS]

  35 minutes [TS]

  just give me a light boarding we're [TS]

  getting very close to call it the [TS]

  territory now haha open but these are [TS]

  the videos opener but he never referred [TS]

  to me as opener but i think it was [TS]

  because there was the heat it even [TS]

  through all of his condescension to me [TS]

  there was enough there was enough just [TS]

  native fear and I was gonna eat his face [TS]

  yeah some summer 1996 according to this [TS]

  very old web page is the keyboardist [TS]

  from the band smashing pumpkins you do [TS]

  not have like foo fighters do not have a [TS]

  definite article on their name [TS]

  keyboardist keep talking about a para [TS]

  one you know all the keyboard is almost [TS]

  never a real member of the band after [TS]

  about 19 gonna say after what was his [TS]

  name jonathan cain i'm going to say [TS]

  after journey there weren't that many [TS]

  people unless it was the primary [TS]

  interesting and is instrumentalist like [TS]

  the great Billy Joel there are not that [TS]

  many people i kid i kid i kid i'm comin [TS]

  around comin around a little um yeah the [TS]

  guy who played his keyboard literally [TS]

  fastened to the outside of a warehouse [TS]

  building in that famous video [TS]

  dun dun dun and dun dun dun and I know [TS]

  they're talking about with the shaking [TS]

  your fist at the camera yeah the fish [TS]

  acres boy that video was tough to watch [TS]

  and had sleeveless shirts for of the [TS]

  time you know Jonathan can you know [TS]

  Jonathan Cain I think he's got the [TS]

  writing credit a big writing credit on [TS]

  open arms memory serves [TS]

  oh well I think he's a great musician [TS]

  yeah you know who you know who has a lot [TS]

  of dead keyboard players is the Grateful [TS]

  Dead is that right all that pic then [TS]

  pick them right and then also some [TS]

  peanuts character i'll mention in [TS]

  passing [TS]

  yeah he he did not make it all the way [TS]

  and and then their keyboard player later [TS]

  from the from the seventies and eighties [TS]

  who also died of the heroin [TS]

  then i speaking of REM didn't they [TS]

  briefly have an undead keyboard player [TS]

  brett midland was the keyboard player of [TS]

  the the grateful dead and he died when I [TS]

  was that he died right at the time there [TS]

  was a brief moment in my life when I [TS]

  socialized interacted with socially [TS]

  deadheads really huh [TS]

  and i'm going to say that this was the [TS]

  summer of nineteen ninety the summer of [TS]

  nineteen ninety when i was living in [TS]

  Washington DC and I went through a brief [TS]

  period where I when I was socializing [TS]

  with grateful dead people because i was [TS]

  working for ralph nader at the time in [TS]

  Washington DC and I had a lot of his [TS]

  volunteered [TS]

  ok that anyway that right at that time [TS]

  brent midland died of heroin and and he [TS]

  was a mean and and I had understood [TS]

  understood the grateful dead for many [TS]

  years I i knew i knew a lot about them [TS]

  but he was he was not a Kanaan goal for [TS]

  me member of the band like he was he was [TS]

  like o.o who like the guy the bearded [TS]

  guy over make sure but he died and and [TS]

  all these people like these girls that I [TS]

  kind of was wondering about whether [TS]

  maybe you know what maybe we could we [TS]

  could have a thing maybe we would take a [TS]

  long motorcycle ride or whatever and [TS]

  they were all crying like crying real [TS]

  tears of sorrow at the death of brent [TS]

  Midland and and i realized that i could [TS]

  never I could never be a full grateful [TS]

  dead person because I didn't have this I [TS]

  didn't my feelings are not that strong [TS]

  about about the about newly keyboard [TS]

  well I mean I never I mean that guy was [TS]

  i as far as i can tell he never said a [TS]

  word interviews he was just like cipher [TS]

  i'm doing a little bit of last minute [TS]

  research because I think I may have [TS]

  found something a little bit troubling [TS]

  there's a pretty good chance for [TS]

  Republicans have to cut this out [TS]

  it seems to me first of all the Grateful [TS]

  Dead part of problems their songs have [TS]

  never ended [TS]

  they're all going on somewhere that's [TS]

  probably separate topic it seems to me [TS]

  the keyboard players are usually the one [TS]

  who dies in the Grateful Dead they have [TS]

  had at least this is an old joke like [TS]

  drummers are dumb like this is it just [TS]

  me or do keyboard players just fucking [TS]

  die [TS]

  I every keyboard player but the Grateful [TS]

  Dead had a lot of keyboard players [TS]

  including i might add Bruce Hornsby huh [TS]

  but who is not dead as far as i know but [TS]

  I you know I imagined having been a [TS]

  keyboard player in a band that was the [TS]

  keyboard player and harvey danger before [TS]

  before my my big bases are either watch [TS]

  your ass buddy [TS]

  well but this is the thing you sit [TS]

  behind the keyboard it's a thankless job [TS]

  you can't you can't get up [TS]

  there's nothing exciting about right i [TS]

  mean the band is it even in the moment [TS]

  even in the band's peak moment at the [TS]

  top of the set where you're just like [TS]

  flying and your you guys are just [TS]

  playing the plan your absolute playing [TS]

  your number-one hit you are sitting [TS]

  behind a desk [TS]

  mm there's no other way to look at it [TS]

  and so all the attempts that the [TS]

  keyboard player might make like standing [TS]

  up or kicking over his chair or being [TS]

  Billy Joel or fastening your keyboard to [TS]

  the side of a warehousing none of those [TS]

  things can take away that the the like [TS]

  incontrovertible truth that you are a [TS]

  man behind a desk [TS]

  even if you even if you have if i may [TS]

  say a quitar that's really more of the [TS]

  other the desktop are it's a desktop [TS]

  you're just a guy standing up at a desk [TS]

  and I don't know if you if you saw the [TS]

  you saw the queens of the stone age when [TS]

  they had the female keyboard player who [TS]

  had worked up a keyboard stand where the [TS]

  keyboard was actually like teetering [TS]

  forward sonic so you could see her licks [TS]

  you can see her licks and she was [TS]

  playing like like over the top of this [TS]

  thing it was the weirdest looking [TS]

  keyboard stand and she was a cute coffee [TS]

  girl and they were hard rock band he [TS]

  never saw this i think that was standing [TS]

  at a desk i'll be damned and you know [TS]

  the thing I think you're onto something [TS]

  here I think there are now what about [TS]

  what about drummers do you think do you [TS]

  think drumming is a desk [TS]

  oh interesting because here's why I'm [TS]

  gonna give you some examples well first [TS]

  of all let's cover the obvious ground [TS]

  here it's a desk of cans [TS]

  it's a desk cans hmm now i know now the [TS]

  thing is there have been many people [TS]

  have tried to address this problem [TS]

  trying to remember some specifics here [TS]

  now as you say this this queens of the [TS]

  stone age lady had a how-to [TS]

  forward-leaning one I feel like guess [TS]

  I've seen key Tars I just I just don't [TS]

  understand I mean that did that the [TS]

  indignity of a quitar I mean that that's [TS]

  like a tar and feathering when it comes [TS]

  to being in a band [TS]

  I mean how do you choose QC please hand [TS]

  me the keytar I don't think I think if [TS]

  it get on armour llamar big on the [TS]

  keytar if you and I were younger [TS]

  uh-huh if we were 23 years old and we [TS]

  were both right now let's say I was [TS]

  wearing white bar days and you were [TS]

  wearing some sunglasses that you got for [TS]

  free from a bank check and we were [TS]

  starting a band that was a pastiche of a [TS]

  tease disco-pop and nineties indie rock [TS]

  and I don't know what the kids any a pop [TS]

  hip-hop here's our band and one of and [TS]

  there's there's one quitar and you and I [TS]

  have to flip for who plays it [TS]

  okay i think is it is it is it fixed [TS]

  corners at the fair calling i think it's [TS]

  a fair corn and I i think i think we [TS]

  would be I think the person who didn't [TS]

  get the keytar would be disappointed if [TS]

  we were 2300 you're saying you're 20 [TS]

  teaching 23 in period i think especially [TS]

  let's be honest especially not home i [TS]

  couldn't i do this thing that I know for [TS]

  comments by this thing I called The [TS]

  Wolverine cord because what you know [TS]

  over he's got these three claws I can [TS]

  play on actually talked about this is [TS]

  your home should i can place nicht I can [TS]

  play almost any cool i complete half [TS]

  Bell no one should get angry but calm [TS]

  and you know i showed you this changes i [TS]

  can play almost any major minor or [TS]

  suspended 4th chord as long as you can [TS]

  see with my three hand fingers on my [TS]

  right hand so any any suspended chord as [TS]

  long as it's in see well I you know like [TS]

  everyone as you know I prefer ad [TS]

  suspended 4th but i would need to have I [TS]

  think it's called I things which are the [TS]

  cold calls concert tuning I have to [TS]

  reconstitute down to dr drop DSA [TS]

  Jonathan Jonathan Coulton [TS]

  explain explain that to me and I still [TS]

  don't really understand it [TS]

  yeah and if you are a much better guitar [TS]

  player than you let on [TS]

  mm I think you've actually taught my god [TS]

  that's such a nice thing to say John I [TS]

  thought you that little country thing [TS]

  right [TS]

  yeah but watching you play the guitar it [TS]

  you have the you have that quality that [TS]

  a that I IC kind of very seldom or a [TS]

  person with an artistic impulse picks up [TS]

  an instrument teaches it to themselves [TS]

  and they come up with something that no [TS]

  one else would have thought of [TS]

  Oh like eating like playing my DS [TS]

  backwards because i learned from fake [TS]

  books [TS]

  yeah or or just kind of your approach to [TS]

  the instrument it's like oh this is this [TS]

  is interesting i'm watching this now and [TS]

  I'm seeing something I haven't seen [TS]

  anything it's a different approach to [TS]

  you use memory serves you started on [TS]

  tennis rackets playing along to except [TS]

  British steel I by started on tennis [TS]

  rackets and then I've told you this [TS]

  story and I when I went to a punk rock [TS]

  show and it was one of those shows in [TS]

  anchorage in the early eighties where [TS]

  there were five bands on the bill and [TS]

  between all five bands that was one [TS]

  person who had never seen an instrument [TS]

  before or it could do anything with it [TS]

  was just it was just a DIY it was at the [TS]

  youth center and it was just a pure [TS]

  racket about that one of the bands came [TS]

  out on stage and the guitar player like [TS]

  smashed his guitar all over the place [TS]

  and I Iran up after the after their set [TS]

  and grab the neck of his guitar and and [TS]

  I honestly it was like it was like Eric [TS]

  Clapton had given me his his prized [TS]

  Black stratocaster that how much I [TS]

  prized this broken neck from Ann Arbor [TS]

  that was an arbor Explorer copy or [TS]

  something like that like to this neck [TS]

  home and I now I had a real guitar neck [TS]

  and this is the first kind of guitar [TS]

  anything I had a second Holocaust [TS]

  keyboards doesn't make any sound you [TS]

  practice on it but it doesn't make a [TS]

  noise and I have here here it was this [TS]

  this Mecca was a real neck and so I [TS]

  tried for a while to like air guitar [TS]

  just with the neck of the guitar but i [TS]

  found it insufficient that's like [TS]

  masturbating with just your balls hang [TS]

  you know i could write that if I haven't [TS]

  tried ready for a change in a minute [TS]

  just anyway so I went out to the garage [TS]

  at one point and I [TS]

  found an old chess board and i took the [TS]

  chessboard and I attached the guitar [TS]

  next to like it thick wooden heavy chest [TS]

  just bored right and I and I screwed i [TS]

  took took this screwdriver and I screwed [TS]

  this guitar neck into the chessboard [TS]

  accept because you remember this is the [TS]

  early eighties where checkerboard was a [TS]

  very popular motif and I screwed the [TS]

  neck of the guitar into this into this [TS]

  checker chessboard but i put i put it [TS]

  and I put it at a at an angle so that [TS]

  the guitar was actually a diamond shape [TS]

  haha man writes right and then I had a [TS]

  home-made air guitar that was no I was [TS]

  better than a tennis racket because no [TS]

  one had one that looked like this and [TS]

  and I air guitar too many many many a ZZ [TS]

  top song with that thing before I [TS]

  decided that it was time to learn how to [TS]

  play the guitar [TS]

  I you know what in its own really [TS]

  twisted way I think that's kind of [TS]

  healthy and interesting didn't do you [TS]

  think I mean more so more so than if you [TS]

  just stuck with a tennis racket [TS]

  you know what I mean you would be doing [TS]

  a pretty standard like John Hughes movie [TS]

  way to learn guitar right in your case I [TS]

  think you're going a little bit more [TS]

  backwoods and I really respect that i [TS]

  made my first instrument even though it [TS]

  was not actually an instrument it was a [TS]

  fake instrument but anyhow what Les Paul [TS]

  started maybe less bass guitars didn't [TS]

  make sound first interesting thought [TS]

  let's get you gotta start somewhere [TS]

  right right I like that idea well I mean [TS]

  this guitar and heft it had a real next [TS]

  something i could run my hands up and [TS]

  down and feel the frets underneath it [TS]

  and and that you know it felt very [TS]

  individual let's see what my top air [TS]

  guitar records were littered Skynyrd's [TS]

  golden platinum that's a greatest hits [TS]

  double album know [TS]

  this was these are these are vinyl [TS]

  records of course who uh let's see what [TS]

  else did I your guitar a lot to Billy [TS]

  Squires emotions emotions of course Van [TS]

  Halen a women and children first palm an [TS]

  great air guitar right that's the one [TS]

  chain [TS]

  yes oh my god and you know what I I'm [TS]

  not afraid to say uh the Scorpions [TS]

  worldwide live oh well why would you be [TS]

  afraid to say that you know what I mean [TS]

  that's a record that that's a record [TS]

  that a lot of people don't listen to now [TS]

  I said before the other night and her [TS]

  can't live without you and I just kind [TS]

  of naturally unconsciously I just [TS]

  couldn't help but you started singing [TS]

  along with the course you have to [TS]

  because the scorpions are great and the [TS]

  scorpions as you have said are the great [TS]

  working men of the metal the great [TS]

  working men of metal and and they're [TS]

  Germans to boot the came to Alaska and [TS]

  they gave what's that cloud not class- [TS]

  uh not written shanker uh oh yeah [TS]

  Mattias jobs he gave me the IDK yeah [TS]

  that's right let's get this rocking his [TS]

  corpse [TS]

  I think you know what i did your this is [TS]

  a lot of overlap here I was scared of [TS]

  Judas Priest alright as you would be out [TS]

  yeah yeah i mean like British steel that [TS]

  was something like the bad kids and [TS]

  denim jackets wrote on their folders if [TS]

  they have folders London have folders [TS]

  within trailer homes you know I met the [TS]

  other day I met the guitar tech for Iron [TS]

  Maiden [TS]

  no way yeah I met about on the street in [TS]

  Seattle during bumbershoot we think they [TS]

  play the play at eight or nine that [TS]

  probably pretty small though who knows [TS]

  maybe there maybe they played 1307 these [TS]

  guys have hands like oak trees i love [TS]

  that steve harris Blacula second base [TS]

  all day [TS]

  he's amazing isn't it ok this guy this [TS]

  is in the guitar tech was I have met a [TS]

  lot of English a touring soundman guitar [TS]

  tech that right people [TS]

  yes I have and they all share a similar [TS]

  character which is to say that they are [TS]

  there like working very working-class [TS]

  they're very no-nonsense and and that [TS]

  they give off the picking off the air [TS]

  that they're like tough guys like the [TS]

  like the like fuck you kind of tough [TS]

  tough tough dude stuff English guys who [TS]

  but when you really you know get to meet [TS]

  them you realize that their guitar tech [TS]

  so that they could be very gentle with a [TS]

  young girl [TS]

  yeah they're functionally pussies who [TS]

  but uh but they live in this like [TS]

  rough-and-tumble world where they're [TS]

  touring around they kind of bait they [TS]

  adopt a manner of like interstate [TS]

  truckers but in fact they're just tuning [TS]

  guitars all day it's not like there no [TS]

  knife but as you learned from i think [TS]

  probably forty two percent of all ac/dc [TS]

  songs it's very hard to be a touring [TS]

  rock band [TS]

  oh hello boy they got a lot of songs [TS]

  about how hard it is to be in a [TS]

  successful pant well because they were [TS]

  getting new and more virulent strains of [TS]

  herpes every night is that right yeah [TS]

  that's why it was so hard being a CD [TS]

  imagine how hard it would be to travel [TS]

  with herpes [TS]

  well or just like every night like oh my [TS]

  herpes is killing me a menu planned what [TS]

  happens if you get if you get if you get [TS]

  a stress bump on your way [TS]

  I think this is the color in Australia [TS]

  you know what that does it opens you up [TS]

  to another infection it's like you get a [TS]

  wound you met a wound [TS]

  all right now this is i I'm sorry to [TS]

  take it here yeah but but the [TS]

  conversation has naturally arrived here [TS]

  ok this is not a thing that i am [TS]

  introducing unnatural I didn't kiss [TS]

  anybody bad but my understanding i just [TS]

  learned this last night ok is that in [TS]

  certain orthodox jewish communities the [TS]

  the the rabbi who performs the [TS]

  circumcision the amul actually performs [TS]

  the last he uses a knife to cut the [TS]

  foreskin he actually performs the last [TS]

  portion of that ceremony with his mouth [TS]

  and [TS]

  this or you hm he jumped on you sure [TS]

  this isn't one of those does make in [TS]

  making babies in the mouth spread things [TS]

  because this could cause us a lot of [TS]

  trouble are you saying that this is this [TS]

  is a protocol the elders of zion problem [TS]

  no I heard this I bring you heard this [TS]

  your business on the English ready for [TS]

  this Lauren is the crazy problem in [TS]

  God's with the year that you guys we put [TS]

  his mouth right on round round the penis [TS]

  I came to the next 90 min but in any [TS]

  case the problem is that in New York [TS]

  City seventy percent of all men have [TS]

  herpes oh Jesus just a letter with the [TS]

  fuck did you come up with that every [TS]

  outlaw this practice or they're trying [TS]

  to outlaw this practice because that is [TS]

  a long walk through a discredited [TS]

  university my grandma dies rabbis are [TS]

  giving newborn babies herpes from the [TS]

  mouse but i don't wanna try to make this [TS]

  about Howard he's but this is the [TS]

  problem with contagion contagion is [TS]

  intelligence but this is the problem [TS]

  with contagion it's also the problem of [TS]

  hearing stuff from somebody and then [TS]

  saying it on the interwebs huh [TS]

  but you know what I'm going to have to [TS]

  do I my first real clean my keyboard and [TS]

  then I'm gonna do a lot of research and [TS]

  probably cut almost all this out but [TS]

  that's that's that's remarkably 677 out [TS]

  of ten men in now is this in the in the [TS]

  metropolitan new york area i'm going to [TS]

  say that it's all of New York including [TS]

  staten island all the borough's this [TS]

  jonathan coulton know this is you know [TS]

  this too well I don't know the people [TS]

  that I travel a lot John if he does but [TS]

  i but these are people in New York or [TS]

  getting herpes in New York and they're [TS]

  still getting herpes are people still [TS]

  getting herpes John Kasich they are they [TS]

  get it from the you know they read those [TS]

  subways they're all close to each other [TS]

  cocky you-know-what probably herpes is [TS]

  probably going through there like like [TS]

  like electricity through a Tesla coil [TS]

  oh just from one end of the training [TS]

  that I mean that's just--that's just [TS]

  miserable now do you think that you have [TS]

  any sense of the other ladies in the [TS]

  metropolitan area give are they aware [TS]

  they are they aware of this fact and B [TS]

  are they taking precautions are they [TS]

  staying off the subways in the Tesla [TS]

  coils my senses that girls in New York [TS]

  don't really make themselves available [TS]

  for something mr. can women get her [TS]

  pieces that dunno [TS]

  I think okay legitimate her piece its [TS]

  much it's much easier to get pregnant [TS]

  ya nah if you're a woman than it is to [TS]

  get her peace [TS]

  okay um I would you know what seventeen [TS]

  percent 70-percent John that is a lot of [TS]

  percent that's even more than a [TS]

  plurality it's alright that's a lot i am [TS]

  that you would be that's enough to that [TS]

  that's enough to overcome a filibuster [TS]

  you know what W great new name for cold [TS]

  sores and what would filibuster you can [TS]

  see I got want to try to break this [TS]

  filibuster I like that that it's [TS]

  something [TS]

  okay well moving on us so we've got [TS]

  we've got you covered on the ground [TS]

  already this entry I made a joke the [TS]

  other day that that storming your [TS]

  embassy was going to be my new my new [TS]

  way of my new euphemism her having sex [TS]

  with someone like you to break in and [TS]

  then somebody on facebook was like give [TS]

  me a lecture about the American heroes [TS]

  dying overseas and now it wasn't funny [TS]

  yeah well why don't you take this up [TS]

  over on the pro and a forum [TS]

  you're like a pro anna form that's a [TS]

  rough ride haha oh god I wish I had a [TS]

  cough button yeah off button my mind [TS]

  where I'm going to say probably break [TS]

  out by scorpions which I got to the [TS]

  columbia music music organization i got [TS]

  it let's see i would say definitely [TS]

  blizzard of Oz blizzard of Oz what you [TS]

  went to the Washington State Fair the [TS]

  other day who and everywhere I went like [TS]

  all the different all the different [TS]

  f-fair things where you throw the the [TS]

  darts at the balloons are you through [TS]

  the hoops at the bottles or whatever [TS]

  they were all playing different Ozzy [TS]

  tracks to track people I guess I mean [TS]

  they were playing Ozzy at the at the [TS]

  state fair in 1980 and I'm just [TS]

  wondering [TS]

  it's been a long time since I've been to [TS]

  a State Fair is Ozzy just like state [TS]

  fair music you might be a wormhole you [TS]

  might you might be in a Washington [TS]

  wormhole you know I it is weird it is [TS]

  weird that the these kinds of these [TS]

  horrible horrible events just full of [TS]

  terrible bad people have been around for [TS]

  centuries right you get the 7000 right [TS]

  come to town you got your maximum sit [TS]

  out and you go around and play chess and [TS]

  shit like that has been around forever [TS]

  come into town and fucking shit up but [TS]

  it is a funny thing that everything that [TS]

  happens at one of these traveling fares [TS]

  feels like it's happening somewhere [TS]

  between making 72 in 1981 maybe I'm [TS]

  right like carnies are stuck there [TS]

  forever like what did they give away [TS]

  before coke mirrors we covered this been [TS]

  in a previous visit but it seems to me [TS]

  that a lot of the prizes you've got [TS]

  you've got stuffed animals that are [TS]

  extremely hard [TS]

  yeah we've ever felt stuffed animal from [TS]

  a fair it's not the central question i [TS]

  think i think it's tough with like [TS]

  sawdust and you know like counterfeit [TS]

  money or something [TS]

  yeah well here are the things that have [TS]

  drugs i bet a surprising number of them [TS]

  have an amount of drugs in the people [TS]

  forgot about it they have that I don't [TS]

  think the drugs are inside but the dr [TS]

  there's definitely drugs on the fur here [TS]

  are the things that I saw for the first [TS]

  time in a state fair [TS]

  ok i saw a coke bottle that had been [TS]

  heated up and X and pulled so that it [TS]

  was like four feet tall [TS]

  spooky remember that i still remember [TS]

  that have a listen to how do they do [TS]

  that [TS]

  that's right and then I i saw the the [TS]

  invisible dog where you have the have [TS]

  the dog leash and then there's a harness [TS]

  but it in but there's no dog in it you [TS]

  know what I'm talking about idea perhaps [TS]

  it's got the invisible doc invisible dog [TS]

  I saw my first Coke mirror I saw my [TS]

  first feathered ear rings / rotate [TS]

  teehee roach clip roll clip earring that [TS]

  these are before these are before you [TS]

  could buy dreamcatchers on the open [TS]

  market but there really is that they're [TS]

  all that the Venn diagram is is really [TS]

  exhausted i think when it comes to dream [TS]

  catchers I think he moved straight from [TS]

  feathered roach clip into a dreamcatcher [TS]

  not just for once worked on I think [TS]

  dream catchers don't work can you know [TS]

  that for sure [TS]

  well you ever seen the car and Western [TS]

  countries are in that's true maybe [TS]

  that's the bedroom catches supposed to [TS]

  be writing worry dolls they're supposed [TS]

  to be something where they let you catch [TS]

  your dreams and let's all the bad [TS]

  thoughts go through [TS]

  oh i'm with you that when I would go to [TS]

  those places even I always felt because [TS]

  because I most words you used about [TS]

  English pussies what you call them [TS]

  I'm the roadies menifee I wasn't really [TS]

  so many angry letters [TS]

  yeah remember the quill pen given that [TS]

  up now I would always feel a little bit [TS]

  ministers is all kinds of the [TS]

  you know we get obviously got a lot of [TS]

  fried foods you get a lot of corn dogs [TS]

  you get a lot of you know what I don't [TS]

  ever saw have to get back to being a cop [TS]

  button i remember on one occasion my [TS]

  best friend John and I went to disney [TS]

  world when i was about that have to be [TS]

  about 13 or 14 and agents was entirely [TS]

  inappropriate we had matching airbrushed [TS]

  shirts with the cover of wolverine [TS]

  number one on it and we don't say Merlyn [TS]

  John remember Big they might have but [TS]

  like on each other's BFF now we were too [TS]

  we were to really awkward guys in [TS]

  matching airbrushed t-shirts and we each [TS]

  went to the magic shop and bought a [TS]

  plastic faucet with a suction cup on it [TS]

  and we'll alert word on foreheads for [TS]

  the high i had that I never worked on my [TS]

  forehead but I had it [TS]

  John I know you're not a physiologist [TS]

  but give a pretty good idea can you just [TS]

  guess what happens when you wear a very [TS]

  very powerful suction cup on your [TS]

  forehead for nine hours you get a black [TS]

  and blue giant a circle on your forehead [TS]

  it's like a faucet a key like appointing [TS]

  but I had suffered for seriously my hand [TS]

  to God for really much really bad for [TS]

  one day but for close to three days and [TS]

  looks like somebody hit me on the head [TS]

  with extreme precision and made a an [TS]

  exact circle of purple on my head [TS]

  Oh at that exact same age yeah i was [TS]

  sitting in the lunch room at one point [TS]

  and I had a I had a a cop a plastic cup [TS]

  and I put it around my mouth and was [TS]

  sucking all the air out of it to create [TS]

  a vacuum at so that this cup was like [TS]

  around mine around my nose and mouth I [TS]

  guess right and i had i actually [TS]

  appreciate you want to push it right [TS]

  I wanted to push it push it all the way [TS]

  and I had this black and blue circle [TS]

  around my face it was the equivalent [TS]

  really up love sticking your tongue to [TS]

  up to a frozen pole that's such a duel [TS]

  for 4 days after that I just had this [TS]

  like there's nothing you can do you [TS]

  can't stay home from school you know [TS]

  it's not going to be any different you [TS]

  know [TS]

  remember the trick to get somebody [TS]

  Hickey supposedly you can run a comb [TS]

  over it every remember that trick [TS]

  no I was a good i was a pretty big [TS]

  Hickey giver I didn't realize I was [TS]

  doing and I think I might have been been [TS]

  possessed or something [TS]

  I never gave a hickey and I wouldn't [TS]

  allow somebody to give me a key in fact [TS]

  to this day if somebody starts sucking [TS]

  on my neck I'm okay [TS]

  hey hey easy easy that because i was [TS]

  that because of your perimeter because [TS]

  your body is a temple what's the [TS]

  thinking just don't enjoy it [TS]

  alright so i was at a civil war Civil [TS]

  Air Patrol encampment in about nineteen [TS]

  eighty-one and this was a coed [TS]

  encampment although there i have to say [TS]

  there were not that many girls in the [TS]

  Civil Air Patrol but there were some it [TS]

  was that it was and it was a it was a [TS]

  two-week-long encampment at Eielson Air [TS]

  Force Base in Fairbanks Alaska and we [TS]

  were occupied we were all staying in the [TS]

  old build barracks that had been built [TS]

  during world war two who and at one [TS]

  point one of the guys got a hickey from [TS]

  one of the girls and it was this [TS]

  terrible purple welt and there was no [TS]

  there was no disguising it because we're [TS]

  in uniform you know where we're wearing [TS]

  our dress blue uniforms you can't like [TS]

  accessorize that with a scar me and I [TS]

  like clean Elizabeth the first camp [TS]

  no no we weren't we will get we weren't [TS]

  in the in Elizabethan Air Force camp [TS]

  Dickie camp and so he had to like stand [TS]

  there at at at inspection in his blues [TS]

  or what I guess inspection he was he [TS]

  would have been in his fatigues but but [TS]

  with this giant pulsating purple mess on [TS]

  his neck and the UH the sergeant who of [TS]

  course was also 13 years old [TS]

  this is the inspecting they're expecting [TS]

  off unconditioned officer [TS]

  yeah the noncommissioned officer I mean [TS]

  I was 11 and the guy with the he was [TS]

  probably 13 let's say that lets say the [TS]

  the sergeant was 15 just dressed him [TS]

  down in front of everybody but [TS]

  unprofessional and you know unmilitary [TS]

  out of uniform all this type of thing [TS]

  and it left a lasting impression on me [TS]

  that if you got a hickey you would be [TS]

  out of uniform there was no you you [TS]

  could you could not be you could not be [TS]

  in uniform with a hickey [TS]

  ah one unusual angle it's like they [TS]

  don't let you get neck tattoos in the [TS]

  Navy because you're out of uniform [TS]

  foo so that stuck with me until this day [TS]

  and that is a distraction to spring [TS]

  decor and that's exactly right and i [TS]

  don't i don't like to be out of uniform [TS]

  you know that about me no no you see it [TS]

  seems to me that as eclectic as your [TS]

  wardrobe is you you have an innate sense [TS]

  of what the what the uniform of his [TS]

  waist called military school uniform of [TS]

  the day is precisely would announce that [TS]

  everyday at our school is almost always [TS]

  the same thing but you have to be ready [TS]

  United put your blues on just yet so you [TS]

  know when I wake up in the morning I [TS]

  have the im a series of questions that I [TS]

  ask right away as you do and but also I [TS]

  I listen for the uniform of the day [TS]

  announcement sometimes it says space [TS]

  cowboy has your job gotten hotter than [TS]

  fresh pumpkin chili tired of kissing the [TS]

  wrong bird mired down by your managers [TS]

  fear of even the slightest vision and [TS]

  corporate discourse [TS]

  well you're not alone a glue software [TS]

  understands your pain a clue helps you [TS]

  work better with other people by keeping [TS]

  your team your files and your [TS]

  conversations together in one digital [TS]

  workplace [TS]

  you can even work from home and you're [TS]

  altogether sealed to your red leather [TS]

  chair just steps away from all your [TS]

  favorite globes candlesticks and cowboy [TS]

  boots as you do so go to glue [TS]

  software.com / find your duck and sign [TS]

  up for your free 30-day trial bring your [TS]

  team in from the cold by getting inside [TS]

  the igloo in any case that sometimes it [TS]

  says and you say you say yes sir i can [TS]

  do that [TS]

  yes sir sometimes it says preppy asshole [TS]

  sometimes it says like you know coke [TS]

  fiend [TS]

  I never I never did much of anything on [TS]

  a team and when I did things on a team I [TS]

  didn't do it well but there are certain [TS]

  things I picked up in military school [TS]

  including the cold sore that I I'm [TS]

  really glad I kept with me and I think [TS]

  that I think about a lot and when [TS]

  somebody says about face you know how to [TS]

  about film and I can still do it always [TS]

  talked about doing the rifle trails last [TS]

  house on drill team so I mean I was I [TS]

  was pretty good i was pretty good but uh [TS]

  you know what I always liked have to [TS]

  tell you I don't know this could find [TS]

  any place in in your life but you know [TS]

  you have the most of the time you're in [TS]

  a pseudo official environment like [TS]

  you're in uniform right and you know [TS]

  there's no casualties the Great's [TS]

  there's no no skylarking you know no [TS]

  smoking this because all the rules that [TS]

  are going to pass it and in being a [TS]

  pseudo know [TS]

  paramilitary teenager right but then [TS]

  you're in like the official capacity [TS]

  when you're not at ease right and if you [TS]

  have a situation like turn your hat on [TS]

  backwards shit now [TS]

  oh my god no oh geez Louise your belt [TS]

  buckle better be polishing your shoes [TS]

  and don't use mop & Glo that's chishti [TS]

  your don't get your I had better be [TS]

  straight if you know what I'm saying if [TS]

  you're if you're really in a hurry you [TS]

  can use mop & Glo but it's gonna be [TS]

  pretty obvious and you might get it to [TS]

  merit that allows your pants mmm I don't [TS]

  know what that means then I guess I want [TS]

  to know what is what is busting your [TS]

  pants allowing your pants is a thing [TS]

  that we used to do him any military [TS]

  which they don't do anymore which is [TS]

  that your the bottoms the bottom hem of [TS]

  your pants is like tucked into the top [TS]

  of your boots I such a cool look and [TS]

  then bloused out so that it's it's like [TS]

  your boots are tight on your ankles and [TS]

  their little tactical for what we were [TS]

  doing but that said I would love that [TS]

  look it's super cool it's a little bit [TS]

  you know it's not something a little bit [TS]

  yeah a little bit 1943 but like pretty [TS]

  cool that was so our our fatigue uniform [TS]

  even for PT at blast pans we weren't [TS]

  kidding around in this in the Alaska [TS]

  civil air patrol you don't have [TS]

  something a little less formal that was [TS]

  still uniform in those situations where [TS]

  we have addressed by a dress blues [TS]

  yeah we just lose one of my favorites [TS]

  with salt and pepper which is when you [TS]

  have a white shirt with epaulets with [TS]

  the rank on it and black pants that was [TS]

  a sharp look sharp we had for what they [TS]

  called it that our everyday was cautious [TS]

  this is coming back to me just a little [TS]

  bit with khaki pants and a short sleeve [TS]

  shirt trucks leave khaki shirt around [TS]

  and then sometimes there's a term they [TS]

  used like with lids or something and [TS]

  there's some term for when you have to [TS]

  wear your hat which kind of sucked and [TS]

  then we had we had like turning over [TS]

  there was a slightly more informal one [TS]

  that was a little bit little bit even [TS]

  guerre which I think was like a white [TS]

  t-shirt with khakis it was a little bit [TS]

  like you know tom's of Maine is that the [TS]

  one times of feeling the feeling better [TS]

  and that's where your want to taste the [TS]

  other pics at tom's of maine was [TS]

  toothpaste and Tom's finland makes a [TS]

  sexy drawings [TS]

  yeah and even our gym uniforms were [TS]

  where we were highly no prescribed it [TS]

  you ask for swabbing the deck right the [TS]

  khakis with like you mean this is the [TS]

  thing and I this is getting to this [TS]

  deeper point which is that when we know [TS]

  when we were just that you dress out for [TS]

  for whatever it was whatever the name of [TS]

  uniform was this [TS]

  is 30 some years ago but you know you [TS]

  wear these the admiral farragut academy [TS]

  shorts and then you either wear the [TS]

  white admiral farragut academy shirt or [TS]

  more often you would wear the shirt for [TS]

  your company and of course i was in 4th [TS]

  company and had a purple shirt so it was [TS]

  let me everybody showed up and you [TS]

  didn't show up in a different shirt just [TS]

  didn't do that you know and you [TS]

  certainly don't show up with a hickey [TS]

  well I got thrown out for for that kind [TS]

  of stuff oh you get through yeah we [TS]

  should've been thrown out of this [TS]

  encampment Eielson Air Force Base but [TS]

  they stuck around we secretly or and [TS]

  secretly disappointed that I didn't get [TS]

  a didn't get a blanket party didn't get [TS]

  a absolutely right because you know Red [TS]

  Code Red [TS]

  yeah i mean a and in fact that was where [TS]

  I learned how to short-sheet beds and I [TS]

  think but this guy is frustrating for a [TS]

  minute [TS]

  it really is haha and i try to apply it [TS]

  all the time but nobody makes them [TS]

  better i'll never forget one day [TS]

  Christian camp III got the skunk I was [TS]

  so you ever have that your skunk [TS]

  what's this company so humiliating at at [TS]

  the breakfast they do all the [TS]

  announcements and they announced like [TS]

  his capitals this worse but I had the [TS]

  worst bed in the whole campus the skunk [TS]

  I'd never been so humiliated that gives [TS]

  you by a man in my life it was awful i [TS]

  learned Hospital corners I could bounce [TS]

  a quarter off Thank You Man III could [TS]

  the bed that I made when I was finally [TS]

  in actual military school and moved on [TS]

  from Christianity paramilitary gear i [TS]

  made the fuck out of bed i have you [TS]

  really got 1910 everyday mean Brian find [TS]

  that I bet you could make a hell of a [TS]

  bed i make a how about if I want to I [TS]

  can talk that shit in quarters bounce [TS]

  buddy about to pound off that shit my [TS]

  most embarrassing moment was when i when [TS]

  i was playing rugby for Gonzaga [TS]

  University and I decided you were there [TS]

  we were there for like two months how [TS]

  long is it gonna take for two years [TS]

  before you got for us to leave when I [TS]

  was escorted off the campus mr. Roderick [TS]

  is robbery that is series of meetings [TS]

  and we just can't make this work [TS]

  that's where i was escorted off the [TS]

  campus for the last time i should i [TS]

  should clarify because i was discord [TS]

  about the caps a few times [TS]

  but I was on the rugby team and I felt [TS]

  somehow you know rugby shirts are very [TS]

  expensive particularly the the realest [TS]

  with the rubber buttons [TS]

  yeah the pro ones are are are not cheap [TS]

  and I had come to college with my own [TS]

  selection of rugby shirts because it was [TS]

  the eighties and rugby shirts were what [TS]

  guys like me war and I Gonzaga scullers [TS]

  were navy blue and white and i have high [TS]

  had a I had a sky blue and pale yellow [TS]

  rugby shirt [TS]

  Oh John and I thought that's like being [TS]

  off a quarter town [TS]

  exactly just that that's like you're you [TS]

  know it is thats ug g g string being [TS]

  just a little bit flat that's what [TS]

  that's exactly what it was and I showed [TS]

  up I was wearing this thing up and you [TS]

  know the older guys I was a freshman of [TS]

  course the only guys did not approve but [TS]

  I you know I was a big kid or whatever [TS]

  and everybody just kinda looked askance [TS]

  at it but but to my eternal shame i [TS]

  showed up for our our group picture [TS]

  wearing on this shirt and so here's this [TS]

  that there's a picture still hanging in [TS]

  the hallway of the main the main [TS]

  building at Gonzaga University the best [TS]

  the hall of fame or whatever there's a [TS]

  picture of that 1987 Gonzaga rugby squad [TS]

  and me in a in an off-color like light [TS]

  yellow of all look of all the things if [TS]

  it had been light blue a child wouldn't [TS]

  that have been yearbook day and each of [TS]

  you had had a separate photo in uniform [TS]

  that would be merely horribly [TS]

  embarrassing but you know he did you [TS]

  fucked it up a for the rest of the team [TS]

  and be for posterity now an old guy who [TS]

  gave a gave a few thousand dollars in [TS]

  school he walked down that hall and he [TS]

  goes who the fuck was this guy in 1986 [TS]

  exactly that's exactly what our ability [TS]

  Corgan move I'll be dead a hundred years [TS]

  and somebody walking through Gonzaga [TS]

  University looking at the dusty [TS]

  photographs and I'll go look at this [TS]

  jackass [TS]

  I think they should find the technology [TS]

  to fix that with all due respect to you [TS]

  you know what it's a it is it is an [TS]

  accurate record of the moment it is an [TS]

  accurate record of the time I was a [TS]

  jackass and I just yeah and Trotsky was [TS]

  never in any photos [TS]

  I think a big part of super train should [TS]

  be making things right I'm gonna [TS]

  experience your triangle actively well [TS]

  I'm just saying what retro actively this [TS]

  is the beauty part i mean you know or [TS]

  what was not riding in a vacuum the [TS]

  beauty part about Stalin is that is that [TS]

  he was so so able capable and willing to [TS]

  change things over and over and over we [TS]

  look need look no further than our [TS]

  friend mouth he was always changing his [TS]

  mind and then he changes mind everybody [TS]

  changes their mind is like the captain [TS]

  Wally when we accept late makes it [TS]

  become breakfast time again same deal [TS]

  while solid wood paint a guy out of the [TS]

  picture and then three years later he'd [TS]

  paint another guy on the picture and [TS]

  pretty soon he painted all the guys out [TS]

  of the picture and somebody had to draw [TS]

  like a right like a horizon line and he [TS]

  puts in like totoro or goofy or whoever [TS]

  this is my tattoos happy little trees [TS]

  isn't the problem [TS]

  tattoos you know you got you got to live [TS]

  with that forever you put Trotsky on [TS]

  your ass and that's gonna be so you're [TS]

  gonna be sitting on Leon like for the [TS]

  rescue you know I'm saying I feel like [TS]

  when we start talking about tattoos you [TS]

  and I yeah you're alienating a great [TS]

  number of our listeners who are right [TS]

  now looking at their tattoos and feeling [TS]

  very proud about the choices that they [TS]

  make good for them [TS]

  yeah and then I don't want to make the [TS]

  particularly if they've got like my [TS]

  little pony tattoo what they have a [TS]

  tattoo of themselves dressed as a civil [TS]

  war reenactor you know what else we're [TS]

  doing but somebody who is about two days [TS]

  away from getting a tattoo is gonna [TS]

  think twice about it and that's what [TS]

  we're saying interesting because if you [TS]

  have I can make you feel bad about your [TS]

  tattoo [TS]

  I'm just saying that's why it should be [TS]

  a t-shirt you wear that t-shirt for one [TS]

  year you don't even take it off whatever [TS]

  it is you want to put a bird on it put a [TS]

  bird on t-shirt you wear it everyday i [TS]

  got a wedding coming [TS]

  no fuck you for your bird shirt we go [TS]

  after year maybe get a tattoo you want [TS]

  to change your friend who was a [TS]

  redheaded girl [TS]

  yeah this is the mulatto Irish uh yeah [TS]

  yeah and after high school [TS]

  this was the very dawn of people who [TS]

  were not like active sailors getting [TS]

  tattoos turn 1986 like it was not a [TS]

  thing yet that's still pretty young [TS]

  really early in me in the like I'm not [TS]

  I'm not I'm not actually I don't even [TS]

  think research books were widely read at [TS]

  that point I'm not carving scrimshaw [TS]

  I have a normal person I'm gonna get a [TS]

  tattoo and she got a tattoo of a little [TS]

  red-haired which riding a broom and she [TS]

  got it in her bikini area and she was so [TS]

  proud of this thing was a flying away [TS]

  from her toward it was flying above it [TS]

  was it was next to it and flying as [TS]

  though to go over I'll cacao it was [TS]

  gonna say was there was the with the [TS]

  jumped over the bush foo and the little [TS]

  red-haired which was I guess it was her [TS]

  spirit animal she actually was a witch [TS]

  and I don't mean a spell casting with [TS]

  like a Lincoln know she was a witch like [TS]

  a terrible girl ever and she got this [TS]

  tattoo and she was so private shoes like [TS]

  you know there it is for all the world [TS]

  to see and I was like it's not for all [TS]

  the world to see it's just for people [TS]

  who get your panties off the sea and [TS]

  presumably by the time someone has your [TS]

  panties off they already know we'll put [TS]

  a little which you are that's like socks [TS]

  for Christmas Jones you know you see the [TS]

  DC the box you open up minutes it's a [TS]

  parable toes he goes shit i thought that [TS]

  this is going to be star wars Jamie's [TS]

  you know i'm saying i got a box with a [TS]

  person goldtoes it right now be pretty [TS]

  glad actually well you know I told this [TS]

  house able to give Hodgman fresh pair of [TS]

  socks i just i just got 16 paragould two [TS]

  socks I never look back never look [TS]

  that's nice you know that massive thing [TS]

  that's the thing if you're if you are [TS]

  able to give a friend a fresh pair of [TS]

  socks and say you know what keep them [TS]

  presence of mind bringing an extra socks [TS]

  you're never going to not need more [TS]

  socks [TS]

  that's so nice yeah [TS]

  Richard Richard Manuel from from the [TS]

  band dad dead suicide of Florida yeah [TS]

  the keyboard player from springs [TS]

  keyboard player dead [TS]

  that's right he did die yeah I'm just [TS]

  I'm just saying if all the people in [TS]

  bands it appears to be the keyboard [TS]

  player to want to make a big deal about [TS]

  it [TS]

  I don't be sitting behind a desk and [TS]

  there's no there's really nothing to do [TS]

  but for do heroin because there's a lot [TS]

  of times we just vamping your vamping [TS]

  your plants will give you you know [TS]

  presumably by the time the year the [TS]

  keyboard player in a very successful [TS]

  band before you're probably a great [TS]

  pianist you could be sitting in the you [TS]

  could be sitting at a grand piano at one [TS]

  of the elevator lobbies of nordstrom [TS]

  somewhere playing mantovani or whatever [TS]

  it is they play at North services and [TS]

  you're having dinner this weekend with a [TS]

  nuestras this is and and yet you're back [TS]

  there going dot dot dot dot done Anna [TS]

  and maybe twice in the set one day [TS]

  look we'll find you prices that the [TS]

  singer turns around points of view and [TS]

  you get to go but who you taking to [TS]

  change the envelope and the filter who [TS]

  we want or if your heart or the steve [TS]

  miller band you get to like the mood for [TS]

  a second ago 0 we get to turn up your [TS]

  harp chord on the quiet part before the [TS]

  last chorus but then the rest of the [TS]

  time you're just sitting back there and [TS]

  it's like I could do crossword puzzles [TS]

  or I could do some help you think about [TS]

  think about how much of it is you know [TS]

  five things like triggering and [TS]

  sequencers you know nowadays not saying [TS]

  there's no role for these folks in it [TS]

  but it's not like Howard Jones out there [TS]

  you know with a little fucking [TS]

  one-man-band simple between your knees [TS]

  that set up a time that I don't know how [TS]

  Jones man that hair anyway so um you [TS]

  know he had yet here to call your you [TS]

  know I'm his version of level terrorists [TS]

  for apart so far little Terrace apart [TS]

  because the version i heard before her [TS]

  joy division's version isn't it odd how [TS]

  you can do that take out [TS]

  yeah i got a lot of things wrap up this [TS]

  Canyon that doesn't happen anymore [TS]

  course because people now have access to [TS]

  all music from all-time instantly [TS]

  yeah it's easier than ever to be over [TS]

  something you know you can't be [TS]

  move or something if you went down to [TS]

  the opportunity and spent five dollars [TS]

  in sixty-nine cents on it you're gonna [TS]

  fucking listen to cheap Trick's [TS]

  one-on-one to you love it period [TS]

  we don't have to go over this again i [TS]

  know i know but the thing is I'm there's [TS]

  one thing i like that in military school [TS]

  I didn't like it at the time but I'm [TS]

  starting to understand the appeal if you [TS]

  are in that official a kind of an [TS]

  official formation if something happens [TS]

  with showers [TS]

  mmm nu nu oh gosh no oh boy group [TS]

  showers it isn't having learned enough [TS]

  from history John the charts don't go in [TS]

  a room where they say everybody takes a [TS]

  shower [TS]

  can we just all agree that's a bad idea [TS]

  you know and they're in mind in my [TS]

  junior high my junior hide the coach [TS]

  stood at the door where the shower [TS]

  god that's wholesome with but with a [TS]

  clipboard and he check your name off if [TS]

  you if he saw you take a shower and if [TS]

  you didn't [TS]

  if he if you did not like go past him [TS]

  standing at the door [TS]

  take your towel off and take a shower [TS]

  and so he could see that you had whetted [TS]

  yourself from top to bottom if you [TS]

  didn't do that it was impossible to get [TS]

  me in gym so oo so hang on a minute [TS]

  because you're saying something very [TS]

  important here which is it's one thing [TS]

  to say that you're going to get a like a [TS]

  point off of your weekly whatever with [TS]

  that but you're saying something quite [TS]

  different [TS]

  you're saying the biggest faggots in the [TS]

  class which is the people who want [TS]

  straight a's like me right [TS]

  he's going to withhold your a right that [TS]

  would give you the straight A's [TS]

  that's right so you Poindexter better [TS]

  get in there and get that little Angus [TS]

  ears wet [TS]

  that's right on that's John that is dark [TS]

  as hell it was very it was super [TS]

  psychological all of those do you think [TS]

  he kept all those records [TS]

  mm I don't know much about filing [TS]

  cabinet somewhere at the basement of [TS]

  wendler junior high school in Anchorage [TS]

  that still has his handwritten notes of [TS]

  whose daily Degas he saw i bet you mr. [TS]

  fenell still has a lot of these broken [TS]

  stars to god bless them but that you [TS]

  know so that there's the there the kids [TS]

  in seventh grade who have who are [TS]

  already men [TS]

  I'll it's the worst and then there are [TS]

  the little skinny kids that have not [TS]

  that are another still very much [TS]

  always [TS]

  right and and he standing there at the [TS]

  doorway just like and he actually had a [TS]

  little chance that he said he said he [TS]

  said shower down begin a that's the [TS]

  first chance I and her dad get a penny [TS]

  and we're coming in for coming from the [TS]

  playing fields whatever he's standing at [TS]

  the door shower down to get an end it [TS]

  doesn't even rhyme shower down to get a [TS]

  it's it over and over starting to get an [TS]

  a I I can't currently pull to mind a [TS]

  better one but I mean that that's a [TS]

  really miserable chant shower down to [TS]

  get a shout-out to get in a that's [TS]

  miserable [TS]

  oh it was the turn of showers the [TS]

  showers now here's what I like if you [TS]

  were in this official this is not even [TS]

  if you don't know I'm pursuing this but [TS]

  if somebody came up to you an official [TS]

  capacity if you were and let's say you [TS]

  were in formation and you're standing at [TS]

  attention during something like and you [TS]

  know inspection and somebody is from [TS]

  yeah yeah you should you know about this [TS]

  is exactly three permissible answers to [TS]

  any question yes sir no sir I don't know [TS]

  sir [TS]

  no bars was well that may be yours ours [TS]

  was yes sir no sir no excuse sir [TS]

  00 no excuse sir not right now i believe [TS]

  i did say no excuse so there are some [TS]

  there are some of the things you learn [TS]

  this like whether you like it or not the [TS]

  whole point military school is not to [TS]

  help you bloom is a special flower it is [TS]

  to take you at the point when you are [TS]

  most mother was most possible that you [TS]

  could become an interesting person and [TS]

  then try to make you uh a miserable brad [TS]

  Ziegler [TS]

  oh absolutely and then three in the [TS]

  shower yeah what you think it's kinda [TS]

  interesting you say to somebody why why [TS]

  isn't your belt buckle shinier no excuse [TS]

  sir you don't get sick as I was busy [TS]

  watching buck rogers right you see no [TS]

  excuse sir excuse sir it's a very [TS]

  interesting idea to various state [TS]

  because for somebody like me who is why [TS]

  don't you notice this i'm a bit of a [TS]

  talker because of my extensive liberal [TS]

  arts background I got a reason for [TS]

  everything that's right you would you [TS]

  want to justify why your belt buckle is [TS]

  not shiny go shower if you want in a [TS]

  what is it [TS]

  shower down to get a shower down to get [TS]

  an eighth scans nicely but I shout out [TS]

  to get an A and he had a little he had a [TS]

  weird accent like weird like Oklahoma [TS]

  accent shower down na na is miserable [TS]

  shower down [TS]

  right now there's there's literally in [TS]

  the entire United States in our history [TS]

  there's literally only one thing worse [TS]

  than junior high and that's middle [TS]

  school junior high is disgusting because [TS]

  it's got got this problem on one level [TS]

  of like a lucky say like some of the [TS]

  people you know look like the retirees [TS]

  and others look like toddlers [TS]

  yeah but 6 7th and 8th grade I think [TS]

  it's even worse because you got six [TS]

  graders long in elementary school [TS]

  nope i was i didn't have middle school I [TS]

  had junior high but middle so I've heard [TS]

  people when I learned about middle [TS]

  school it gave me it gave me the shakes [TS]

  so some of the girls in sixth grade look [TS]

  like supermodels [TS]

  yeah other ones look like they probably [TS]

  needed to change their nappy right and [TS]

  then but then you've got guys even in [TS]

  seventh grade and these the really [TS]

  stinky guys with with the weird [TS]

  mustaches it didn't know how awkward [TS]

  they were those poor bastards [TS]

  I mean you get those guys and and you [TS]

  grow really fast and you can done [TS]

  coordinated year you know I don't you [TS]

  want to have told you my plan now what's [TS]

  your plan my plan is that the no one [TS]

  learns anything in junior high [TS]

  there is no they're not a single bit of [TS]

  useful information is communicated or [TS]

  retained 20-point information not [TS]

  nothing nothing will be taught or or by [TS]

  design nothing will be permitted to be [TS]

  learned nothing enough it is impossible [TS]

  to learn it is it is an unlearning [TS]

  belittle unlearning in the bowl [TS]

  environment [TS]

  ok super super train junior high you [TS]

  come in as an empty vessel and leave [TS]

  potentially even more empty then you [TS]

  came in so here's what happens here's [TS]

  here's my plan for junior i'm sure i've [TS]

  told you this at all from 7th 8th grade [TS]

  all those kids are building trail in [TS]

  national parks [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  and this is a national program to get [TS]

  sunscreen [TS]

  well your betrayal so the have to get [TS]

  fucking you get you get a hatter you're [TS]

  under cover of trees I mean it's a bad [TS]

  guess if you're building traveling [TS]

  Arizona you do need sunscreen little [TS]

  trip but uh but so we have a lot of [TS]

  national parks a lot of those trails [TS]

  need need a tremendous amount of upkeep [TS]

  some of them were in treacherous [TS]

  locations for older people to go up [TS]

  there and haul logs and and fix that [TS]

  trail that's a lot of that's a lot of [TS]

  work for people young people [TS]

  particularly seventh graders who are [TS]

  incapable of learning anything and are [TS]

  useful to society in every way except [TS]

  except and folders there they're just [TS]

  old enough that they could drag logs and [TS]

  they can there that they should be [TS]

  employed as donkeys that thread [TS]

  throughout our national park system and [TS]

  if if we used case this way so six [TS]

  frayed you're learning stuff you're [TS]

  still you're like engage your learning [TS]

  about art and music you learn all the [TS]

  bones in the body and how they connect [TS]

  to one another and then you graduate [TS]

  from sixth grade and you are immediately [TS]

  sent to a Works Progress Administration [TS]

  style camp on the side of Mount Rainier [TS]

  or perhaps out in Death Valley [TS]

  California wherever it is that travel [TS]

  needs to be built that you are employed [TS]

  in this capacity for two straight years [TS]

  you come out the other side and here you [TS]

  have clear skin you have a clear sense [TS]

  of purpose your body is strong your your [TS]

  youth has been employed in the service [TS]

  of your great country and then you enter [TS]

  ninth grade and again begin to learn [TS]

  things from books at night at night [TS]

  these kids will all sleep in these the [TS]

  these depression-era bunk houses like [TS]

  babies they'll sleep and they would they [TS]

  will sleep like babies there will be [TS]

  well they will read the read for a half [TS]

  an hour by lantern light someone will [TS]

  tell them a ghost story perhaps on [TS]

  weekends and it will be contributing to [TS]

  America in a way that that that there's [TS]

  no substitute and they will be not not [TS]

  contributing because that's part of the [TS]

  problem i think that you're dressing [TS]

  with this is [TS]

  the utter lack of contribution the the [TS]

  vacuum of contribution that we get from [TS]

  these these fucking pubescent leeches [TS]

  yeah these are terrible people that [TS]

  people 7th 8th graders are terrible [TS]

  people there they're the worst that [TS]

  humanity has to offer and right now [TS]

  we're plating them with like a so that [TS]

  their dressing like those Bratz dolls [TS]

  and they're listening to hip-hop music [TS]

  and they are joining gangs or whatever [TS]

  it is that young people do these days [TS]

  after wearing white bar names they are [TS]

  they are being lolitas for their [TS]

  next-door neighbor's whatever Dylan key [TS]

  Tars they are causing problems they're [TS]

  causing problems for their families [TS]

  they're causing problems for each other [TS]

  they have they have terrible skin John [TS]

  this is a comprehensive fuckin solution [TS]

  because here's the other thing I'm sure [TS]

  this is something you've already covered [TS]

  in in in any of your plans for this but [TS]

  but but what is the what is the primary [TS]

  problem identifying hear about middle [TS]

  school is the terrible felker beyond [TS]

  bell curve really at liberty bell curve [TS]

  of differences right you got some kids [TS]

  to look at it like linebackers right [TS]

  there like nine feet tall and they're [TS]

  all they're all mean and glandular and [TS]

  you got other kids over here within [TS]

  bones [TS]

  the thing is you there is work for [TS]

  everybody when you're fucking building [TS]

  trail right so right see somebody has [TS]

  somebody's making the signs that say you [TS]

  know that you're an artist you want to [TS]

  be an artist make a fucking sign [TS]

  here's a sign here is up here's a little [TS]

  a wood carving kit his sign needs to say [TS]

  the upper loop is 2.4 kilometers and the [TS]

  lower loop is 1.8 kilometers and a busy [TS]

  but it's leveling the linebacker guys [TS]

  can appoint some very large logs he's [TS]

  not going to be so cocky anymore and [TS]

  that little guy with the small fingers [TS]

  he might be able to get a wasp nest out [TS]

  of that log if we had to write but [TS]

  everybody it's going to be to each to [TS]

  each his ability as changed according to [TS]

  disability precisely precisely you can [TS]

  you send the runty ones into the into [TS]

  the hole [TS]

  here's the thing okay yeah the trees I [TS]

  let me tell you something yesterday my [TS]

  daughter had set school in the morning [TS]

  she had half a day of school and then [TS]

  went directly to ballet and I join her [TS]

  at her ballet class and she tore ass in [TS]

  ballet for 45 minutes [TS]

  sheshe ran at school right she goes to [TS]

  ballet shamina she was before she mostly [TS]

  runs with a scarf she runs and runs and [TS]

  runs and runs and runs and you know [TS]

  what she is good and tired when it's [TS]

  time for bed [TS]

  I don't part of the problem is we are [TS]

  not tiring out our children enough [TS]

  that's exactly right [TS]

  it's like Gibson Gibson Gibson the only [TS]

  Gibson seems like he's mostly happy with [TS]

  so nice to see Gibson but would make [TS]

  gifts and happier is if the world would [TS]

  allow him to be exhausted [TS]

  when's the last time Gibson was really [TS]

  satisfying exhausted this is a property [TS]

  of at rest Gibson had a place where [TS]

  there were rabbits who needed to be [TS]

  chased who gives them would have a job [TS]

  keeps him would find his doc and and the [TS]

  things that drive around there drive [TS]

  around the city of seattle and all over [TS]

  the place you look through plate-glass [TS]

  windows at perfectly healthy adult [TS]

  people on treadmills and elliptical [TS]

  machines and station empowering the [TS]

  powering nothing with all that wattage [TS]

  yeah that's right they're creating [TS]

  executed he is going nowhere sitting [TS]

  there watching television they're using [TS]

  electricity rather than generating [TS]

  electricity they're not doing a fucking [TS]

  job [TS]

  well they're creating heat which then [TS]

  listen to the blind guy [TS]

  listen to the blind guy [TS]

  please give me a fucking break it then [TS]

  the he needs to be dissipated and we [TS]

  need when we are using more air [TS]

  conditioning and fans to blow this heat [TS]

  that they're making instead of using [TS]

  that heat to power their buildings are [TS]

  instead of using that heat who do to [TS]

  lift logs up trail [TS]

  these people are just burning they're [TS]

  just burning food it's like it's like we [TS]

  live in a quote/unquote Country with [TS]

  fucking 300 million little duchies it's [TS]

  just it's a goddamn shame there's not [TS]

  somebody who can come together and bring [TS]

  together all these sources of energy and [TS]

  non energy into one place and I'm just [TS]

  going to say you know what your opening [TS]

  my eyes to all of this [TS]

  there needs to be a lot more fucking [TS]

  exhaustion in this country there does [TS]

  that's exactly right and the problem [TS]

  with this is that anymore if you say [TS]

  alright here's the proposal national [TS]

  program all kids have to do this all [TS]

  kids [TS]

  oh my god you're gonna hear they're [TS]

  being you imagine you're gonna hear from [TS]

  both sides you're gonna hear from the [TS]

  people we just spotted me then it was [TS]

  just fun and that's only such a little [TS]

  how we can't do it and then you're gonna [TS]

  hear from the people who are like our [TS]

  kids are being you know we're [TS]

  homeschooling our kids to believe that [TS]

  God made the universe in four and a half [TS]

  days and you you know and blah blah blah [TS]

  everybody's every kid is a fucking [TS]

  special flower in this country and what [TS]

  you need is somebody with the will to [TS]

  say your kids are useless stupid little [TS]

  fucks just like every other kid who they [TS]

  need to be they need to be tethered to [TS]

  some kind of some kind of all that they [TS]

  need to be yoked to useful and that's [TS]

  exactly right [TS]

  they need to be yoked to do some kind of [TS]

  water wheel they not that they want that [TS]

  duck and they don't know it you know the [TS]

  kids our age our kids are you know a few [TS]

  years apart but they want limits they [TS]

  don't know it and if they don't want [TS]

  limits were going to make them what [TS]

  limits for the first three weeks would [TS]

  be so much crime gonna scratch [TS]

  whimpering and whining and people would [TS]

  be saying where's my playstation and [TS]

  people would be saying and you say like [TS]

  to thank you for contributing to the [TS]

  salt water slurry started beating lights [TS]

  out in 15 minutes and these let me make [TS]

  a shaker delicious early tea at first at [TS]

  first they would be rapping to each [TS]

  other they'd be like yeah [TS]

  rap and shit they'd be like talking to [TS]

  each other in there in there like [TS]

  youthful patois but by the end of the by [TS]

  the end of the first year they would all [TS]

  be speaking like Walt Whitman and they [TS]

  would be they would have they would have [TS]

  woodsman skills they would be all they [TS]

  be some silly and interesting stories [TS]

  but they wouldn't tell them that's [TS]

  exactly right they have a kid yourself [TS]

  it's staring into the distance they [TS]

  would seem wiser than they were and then [TS]

  they would start ninth grade and you [TS]

  would say US history and they would open [TS]

  their books with their pencils at the [TS]

  ready hungry hungry for history hungry [TS]

  for history and you know what if you [TS]

  can't pull up those fucking pants maybe [TS]

  we'll suture them to your midsection [TS]

  like a fucking gentleman pull up those [TS]

  pants you know what you know what you [TS]

  lose pass privileges are going to go [TS]

  make sure I with no pants for a week [TS]

  this would even be a problem because [TS]

  they start off at first that first month [TS]

  and you have that at at that the [TS]

  National Park and their pants would be [TS]

  hanging down you can see their [TS]

  underpants [TS]

  yeah but they would realize that the [TS]

  first time the first time a Wolverine [TS]

  camera haha but this was not some this [TS]

  is not something downtown thing like a [TS]

  fancy you don't pull up your pants on [TS]

  the way and hold your fucking energy [TS]

  drink with the other and do that kind of [TS]

  wattle now you make up belts out of a [TS]

  lot of rope that you will you will [TS]

  yourself [TS]

  I don't hold your pants up you're saying [TS]

  you know what it is here here's your [TS]

  here's your extracurricular activity you [TS]

  go out you go out and cut a little bit [TS]

  of jute maybe if you're lucky and you [TS]

  can make a belt because the other thing [TS]

  you get those rappy pants that are down [TS]

  around your down around your ass you if [TS]

  you go out i understand that Arizona is [TS]

  warm but they're certainly gonna need to [TS]

  build trail and a lot of places with [TS]

  humidity [TS]

  have you ever had maybe at camp have you [TS]

  ever had a really really really bad heat [TS]

  rash [TS]

  oh I get heat rash like you wouldn't [TS]

  believe me both buddy and I'm just I'm [TS]

  just saying if you're if you're 13 or 14 [TS]

  and there's not a goddamn ongoing [TS]

  insight you're going to think twice [TS]

  about rolling hip-hop we're making a [TS]

  trail you're gonna pull those pants [TS]

  you're gonna stick your fingers into [TS]

  that log and plot a god damn wasps nests [TS]

  and you're gonna be grateful to be quiet [TS]

  and keep all the stories to yourself and [TS]

  you're here you're there every one of [TS]

  the bunkhouses yeah at the end of the [TS]

  bunkhouse there's gonna be there's gonna [TS]

  be a like a tin can full of baby powder [TS]

  that's because you have to share and you [TS]

  gotta make it last [TS]

  that's right there's a tin can baby [TS]

  powder and there's a little bit of [TS]

  hydrogen peroxide and that is the [TS]

  entirety of your medical kids haha oh [TS]

  that is good if it can't be cured with [TS]

  baby powder and hydrogen peroxide then [TS]

  if you discover some roots berries and [TS]

  twigs along the way to the work site [TS]

  that might help you and I don't see you [TS]

  been down to get them and you could make [TS]

  this into a simple poultice good on you [TS]

  but you know what here's the thing Tyler [TS]

  Heraclitus understand that you want to [TS]

  go to violin camp we'll worry about that [TS]

  when you come back from the trail and [TS]

  you can you can you fix your rash [TS]

  John I think you're onto something very [TS]

  important here to get give me five [TS]

  things that have been useful to society [TS]

  to anyone that h is done maybe Mozart [TS]

  maybe Mozart Mozart probably could have [TS]

  made some trail to he went to visit the [TS]

  fuck up in his thirties if he had gone [TS]

  ahead and made some Viennese trail it's [TS]

  true i mean it is debatable whether [TS]

  Rambo actually helped or hurt the [TS]

  progression of society but i would i [TS]

  would put him in the class of like [TS]

  somebody that ok good like he was able [TS]

  to write some books heels relax verily [TS]

  he ruined some people's lives who I you [TS]

  know even even he in his 15 minutes at [TS]

  the end of the day where he could write [TS]

  in his on his yellow legal pad that are [TS]

  handed out you know like why I think [TS]

  every kid would get a legal pad which [TS]

  get a certain amount of paper and a golf [TS]

  pencil [TS]

  yeah you get golf mental and a legal pad [TS]

  and you keep it in your footlocker and [TS]

  you can write your you can write your [TS]

  memoirs you can you can write like [TS]

  theory letters to home but course after [TS]

  the first month or two [TS]

  those cheerleaders to homewood would [TS]

  would stop and you start to get to start [TS]

  to get letters a the kids start writing [TS]

  letters like your mother and father [TS]

  today we summited mount adams and while [TS]

  while we were there we improve the trail [TS]

  love your son [TS]

  shaniqua you know that I got two big [TS]

  problems in addition all these other [TS]

  problems but with these young people and [TS]

  that is that they get too much stuff to [TS]

  themselves and they got too many things [TS]

  that can rely on other people to do if i [TS]

  may say John and this is not going to [TS]

  give you a note on this but I think [TS]

  you're WPA project it should have [TS]

  require a lot of awkward share [TS]

  ring and constant uncertainty right so [TS]

  first of all yes there is some baby [TS]

  powder in there at first some days there [TS]

  might be a tablespoon full and there [TS]

  might not be any firm on floor no wait a [TS]

  minute you're getting very psychological [TS]

  about the mi papá shearing and [TS]

  uncertainty so here's the thing you come [TS]

  back and you want to get your head now [TS]

  what have sheet of paper that's right [TS]

  and have a golf pencil [TS]

  that's right you know what now there is [TS]

  one foot locker for everybody while you [TS]

  were out making trail there's one foot [TS]

  locker also you write a letter to your [TS]

  parents [TS]

  maybe we don't send it sometimes i see [TS]

  so tonight so today at lunch everybody [TS]

  gets a peanut butter sandwich tonight we [TS]

  are live tonight at dinner everybody [TS]

  arrives in the mess hall there's one [TS]

  live chicken [TS]

  yeah if you want you if you if you if [TS]

  you want if you want to continue in your [TS]

  life enjoy that in ninth grade so you [TS]

  know I don't think you should gasps let [TS]

  you should gas like the shit out of [TS]

  these kids especially the first you [TS]

  think this was gonna be like like [TS]

  terrordome it's a lot like the prisoner [TS]

  we want to we want to get that we want [TS]

  to get we want to get good solid workout [TS]

  of these kids I don't want to terrorize [TS]

  them i'll come on really [TS]

  but i but i think i think that the the [TS]

  extent of their media should be a 16 [TS]

  millimeter films that were produced [TS]

  between 1950 in 1965 huh [TS]

  and at night everybody everybody you [TS]

  know spend a little time maybe on we let [TS]

  down we can you get to watch a film and [TS]

  it's a it's like a film about what to do [TS]

  in the event of a nuclear attack [TS]

  important to film about the dangers of [TS]

  marijuana will be relevant you're not [TS]

  reading the news you know where what's [TS]

  happening in the quote-unquote outside [TS]

  world that the the extra trail world [TS]

  it's everybody should send well that's [TS]

  right you know and watch the same film [TS]

  strip crisscross applesauce [TS]

  there's no there's no electricity there [TS]

  except as generated by like a [TS]

  coal-burning generally or maybe it's [TS]

  tyler Heraclitus on a goddamn treadmill [TS]

  that he had to make out of cute [TS]

  ok here's here's one more thing John I [TS]

  can I'd really in no way do I want to [TS]

  give you notice because my only thought [TS]

  how are guys able to break i'm not [TS]

  saying this is prison but how are you [TS]

  guys able to break out prison they bring [TS]

  a present there for so long that they [TS]

  learn all of the patterns they learn [TS]

  which guards [TS]

  deuce are certain ways they learn when [TS]

  people walk by they learn when the [TS]

  towels get delivered [TS]

  they learn like when the new ships are [TS]

  handed out they learn enough about these [TS]

  patterns that they can they can know it [TS]

  inside and out right the pattern never [TS]

  changes and that's when they're able to [TS]

  capitalize on it that's when that's when [TS]

  you're able to to to to you know to what [TS]

  it called ganking right youyou stabby [TS]

  stab a fish or something like that [TS]

  stab a fish yes so here's what here's [TS]

  all I'm saying to you just like Paul [TS]

  Shaffer all of a sudden [TS]

  yes exactly actually I haven't no on the [TS]

  whole shape here that i would love to [TS]

  come back in just a second but but now [TS]

  you're giving these young people too [TS]

  much credit because mi well in the sense [TS]

  that in sixth grade I believe that most [TS]

  minds most young people's minds are so [TS]

  malleable enough that you can create an [TS]

  entire reality all the more reason to [TS]

  maleate it well but they but you create [TS]

  this reality in which the idea of escape [TS]

  is not it does not even occur to them [TS]

  because it is their new this is their [TS]

  new life [TS]

  there's no I mean for that first month [TS]

  yes there are trying to make it over the [TS]

  wire trying i don't really want to back [TS]

  their brats doll you sound like a man [TS]

  with all due respect who has not been [TS]

  around that many seventh graders because [TS]

  here's how life works with a [TS]

  seventh-grader okay Tyler Heraclitus now [TS]

  listen you have to be home early tonight [TS]

  and looking up becoming 1030 go that was [TS]

  an early so you have to be here at seven [TS]

  they stepped foot onto the grounds at [TS]

  seven and then walk away [TS]

  these kids are weasels they're like [TS]

  little lawyers and they will pick up on [TS]

  any part of the pattern and you know [TS]

  what they want for your week the reason [TS]

  that the reason they act that way then [TS]

  no one has worn out basically put that [TS]

  into a yoke and call and and and [TS]

  encourage them to pull a 500 power log [TS]

  up the side of a mountain and he started [TS]

  mount maybe on a logger pretty sure they [TS]

  can actually pull well they go they go [TS]

  to boot they go to bootcamp certainly [TS]

  where where it starts at up potentially [TS]

  as like this is these are kind of fun [TS]

  and you're going to have to learn how [TS]

  the camp works [TS]

  yeah these are fun activities at first [TS]

  like hey let's all jump in the mud [TS]

  let's make sure that out of straw yeah [TS]

  let's like do some fun they're gonna be [TS]

  a lot of people that are grousing and my [TS]

  god this sucks i hate split and you know [TS]

  the food [TS]

  is pretty good at first and then you [TS]

  know it's it's it's it's not boot camp [TS]

  like in the military where they try and [TS]

  break you all you want to get the point [TS]

  where they immediately try to kill [TS]

  themselves you want to give them just [TS]

  enough of a soak in that warm water that [TS]

  the poor start to open a little bit and [TS]

  that's when john gets in this camp but [TS]

  first let's follow it let's get some of [TS]

  my god John [TS]

  oh my god this is it is camp and this is [TS]

  how you like this is how we get you know [TS]

  what maybe avoid until people until [TS]

  people and culture in our culture and [TS]

  society understand and embrace what this [TS]

  is bringing to our wider felt wrong [TS]

  maybe it is just can't maybe it's free [TS]

  camp it's among the WPA camp at first [TS]

  and you come you're going to have some [TS]

  fun get beat get outdoors and get some [TS]

  fresh air right and this is going to be [TS]

  good for your kids it's gonna like it's [TS]

  a weight reducer or if your kids were [TS]

  depressed since he and the apertures a [TS]

  TD and Asperger's you know send the [TS]

  these camps will nurture your child [TS]

  organic food organic food and then and [TS]

  that's right very organic food and then [TS]

  after a certain point of time it's like [TS]

  okay we're going to get now we're going [TS]

  to the log toss and we're going to do [TS]

  the log carry now we're going to do the [TS]

  log drag becomes like a ropes course or [TS]

  something right we're gonna go out and [TS]

  say hi trust Trust trust exercises and [TS]

  then suddenly one day you come back the [TS]

  cabin is not gone in order to sleep on a [TS]

  rail and they say what do you mean they [TS]

  say figure it out figure I think about [TS]

  our national parks is that they're [TS]

  actually very fun event just that this [TS]

  is the thing that I would like you to [TS]

  adults to know that you can have fun [TS]

  there anything great when you return to [TS]

  your parents you can ask them to take [TS]

  you there although probably you should [TS]

  be should probably keep it to yourself [TS]

  when you're nice great you bring your [TS]

  parents there and you'll say you see [TS]

  that zipline I built that supply and I'm [TS]

  sorry for everything sorry for all the [TS]

  pain I caused your mother and father [TS]

  calculating the greeting card [TS]

  let's read my report on william henry [TS]

  harrison high road by lamplight was [TS]

  either 30-day president up placing a [TS]

  30-day president was in harrison william [TS]

  henry harrison wasn't but there was one [TS]

  president he gets sick I think just like [TS]

  Kennedy he didn't wear a hat during his [TS]

  parade and then he got sick and his [TS]

  entire presidency he was sick and he [TS]

  died after he was like he was like the [TS]

  john paul the 1st of american presence [TS]

  that's correct sir exit now back in Ohio [TS]

  make my own Cincinnati my friends went [TS]

  to a William Henry Harrison High School [TS]

  been really for a month then they were [TS]

  kilt an idiot [TS]

  they were never given my like some kind [TS]

  of pneumonia remember that when pope [TS]

  john paul the first you remember like is [TS]

  that the previous vote was a pope john i [TS]

  don't forget which one anyway that job [TS]

  there was John Paul the one John Paul [TS]

  one but yeah but I mean before him [TS]

  because that guy act was that like the [TS]

  Vatican to guy this guy's been poked [TS]

  fucking forever remember I think to Pope [TS]

  was John or Paul George my been pooping [TS]

  Ringo Ringo Ringo have been around [TS]

  forever i remember this it was about [TS]

  nineteen seventy what 78 79 and it was [TS]

  such a huge deal because all we're gonna [TS]

  have the smoke and everything that I'd [TS]

  like a month later and it doesn't ever [TS]

  again it was not right and and that's [TS]

  how we got poked on Paul tube and then [TS]

  he again not now he was like a George [TS]

  Martin he's just around forever [TS]

  I am I a just in passing i have a friend [TS]

  who tried out for the food fighters [TS]

  excuse me try out for food fighters it [TS]

  was a great experience [TS]

  he said he enjoyed a lot who was my [TS]

  friend my friend Stephen Fox the guy [TS]

  played in that a 80's cover band with oh [TS]

  yeah Steven foxy a good man and he a [TS]

  good man a corner and a fantastic guitar [TS]

  by the only one in the band who everyone [TS]

  that's very very gifted guitar player [TS]

  like like like Colton he can basically [TS]

  what it was the opposite of sight [TS]

  reading here play he could hear play [TS]

  pretty much anything about here [TS]

  thank you like like mozart but my other [TS]

  story was I've been watching this video [TS]

  over and over of foo fighters when [TS]

  they're on letterman in two thousand [TS]

  right after he came back from surgery [TS]

  and threw a fan but I think they're a [TS]

  great band the drummer's just [TS]

  mind-blowing is a great drummer is [TS]

  amazing and you don't again drugs drugs [TS]

  drugs drugs really drugs SE over just a [TS]

  year after that performance but then [TS]

  that Dave SAT by his bed set by his bed [TS]

  into thinking [TS]

  better well the nice thing so I never [TS]

  have found I found Dave girl to be one [TS]

  of the nicest to people in the rock [TS]

  music business he seems like he's really [TS]

  seems real weird but like a real guy yea [TS]

  he's a he's a weird guy who got super [TS]

  rich and he recognizes that that's weird [TS]

  but I didn't see makes an attempt to [TS]

  cover up [TS]

  he's isn't deliberately peculiar like [TS]

  fucking Jimmy Corrigan but he also is [TS]

  that thing Jimmy Corrigan yeah the [TS]

  world's smartest stars in the world [TS]

  yeah that and the drummer with the [TS]

  heroin rusty brown on rusty trombone [TS]

  anyway anybody know [TS]

  grover cleveland was president of the [TS]

  United States two non-consecutive times [TS]

  there's a fight joke about that I heard [TS]

  was the joke i can't remember and that [TS]

  the but now we see the one was killed by [TS]

  the eastern european guy and I think in [TS]

  McKinley ya know most presidents come [TS]

  from Ohio it turns out i did that is [TS]

  true more presidents than from Ohio than [TS]

  any other state except maybe virginia [TS]

  Land of Lincoln Ohio a lot of people [TS]

  live in [TS]

  that's right realize that that's right i [TS]

  live in Cincinnati which is almost an [TS]

  Ohio globally from New York this is the [TS]

  kind of thing I would overnight great [TS]

  use their eat so here's the thing and [TS]

  this is I've noticed this for years and [TS]

  i'm curious about this site and I'd [TS]

  looks like you guys did not deal with [TS]

  this on our show us when you're in [TS]

  harvey danger what we on God was it [TS]

  created Warner Conan or we can still [TS]

  become more arm got a nice guy seems [TS]

  like a homemade dick [TS]

  yeah haha yes exactly something he's [TS]

  going to go to make love camp if i get [TS]

  minus all guy [TS]

  good for him okay so here's the thing [TS]

  they get out David Letterman has just [TS]

  almost died from like SuperDuper heart [TS]

  surgery and he makes that you can read [TS]

  about this on the internet it's another [TS]

  nice day girl story is that is that when [TS]

  he came back for the first time to his [TS]

  first show after coming back he had one [TS]

  request he says I want the food fighters [TS]

  my favorite band compliment favorite [TS]

  song and the story goes is this [TS]

  Letterman this is a desert 2000-2004 [TS]

  heart attack he came back from his like [TS]

  quintuple bypass I don't understand how [TS]

  you can have a fourth or fifth chamber [TS]

  but you know he comes back and he says I [TS]

  really wish my favorite band come and [TS]

  play my favorite song on the show story [TS]

  goes the food fighters were in fucking [TS]

  prison [TS]

  still at the time I think this is [TS]

  correct and came back and played [TS]

  Everlong on his show and its really [TS]

  really good but there's that part when [TS]

  they go into that is the other think i'm [TS]

  gonna get and there's a part like you [TS]

  know three quarters of the way through [TS]

  their kind of goes into that vamping on [TS]

  that and the part of all the voices and [TS]

  of course depending on letterman so at [TS]

  that awesome tense part of the song [TS]

  what do you hear haha Shaffer and pasta [TS]

  from place on my guard down song I mean [TS]

  you see they might be giants actually [TS]

  you know they may be Giants playing [TS]

  along with Johnny Carson's band i can [TS]

  highly recommend it so it's beautiful [TS]

  they played birdhouse in your soul with [TS]

  a very under under-rehearsed doc [TS]

  severinsen orchestra but it still [TS]

  glorious its voice you could see [TS]

  Flansburg flies are lit up that he's [TS]

  playing along with this giant man on TV [TS]

  this is on the Internet [TS]

  oh yeah things birdhouse in your soul on [TS]

  Johnny Carson anyway I'm just saying now [TS]

  you if you were to show up and on [TS]

  Letterman's uh on Letterman Show on boy [TS]

  i still love that guy [TS]

  but but how do you think it works I mean [TS]

  you seem like that's gonna come up at [TS]

  some point they're going to say oh hey [TS]

  you know you and your band are going to [TS]

  matter or you know you by yourself you [TS]

  can understand if they want to if we'll [TS]

  leave don't you still with the panel and [TS]

  plan out my understanding is that the [TS]

  assumption is the assumption used to be [TS]

  that Paul the band we're going to play [TS]

  with you unless you either said unless [TS]

  you had enough authority to say no thank [TS]

  you [TS]

  I think nowadays Paul the band are they [TS]

  probably checking Twitter on their [TS]

  phones now I don't get the sense that [TS]

  they play with young bands coming that I [TS]

  was used to grate on my nerves when [TS]

  Robyn Hitchcock was on there doing [TS]

  lesson on the wasps and and the world's [TS]

  the most dangerous band is jamming along [TS]

  and because they're really get me thing [TS]

  is when you know what's his name the guy [TS]

  with the yellow guitar like it is he's [TS]

  great but they're all they're great but [TS]

  then Paul Shaffer his his keyboards are [TS]

  so fucking loud know how is he still [TS]

  alive [TS]

  Paul Shaffer please welcome player in [TS]

  the band how is he still alive first of [TS]

  all he's canadian and so that existing [TS]

  from a lot of the ways that people does [TS]

  for the Thunder island there's another [TS]

  is that when John song under bay but [TS]

  that's the one [TS]

  under haha ok that but also paul shaffer [TS]

  well first of all he was blues brother [TS]

  Paul Shaffer also keeps an adjunct his [TS]

  brother actually was the truth is he was [TS]

  the musical director few things that are [TS]

  true blues brothers [TS]

  yeah uh I mean the pulsipher who knows [TS]

  Paul Shaffer probably has an aluminum [TS]

  heart I'm a tie on Katie buzz [TS]