Roderick on the Line

Ep. 43: "Waiting for Our Duck"

 

  hello hi John [TS]

  hi Merlin are you remove them [TS]

  you know i worry about you and I worry [TS]

  about the Freddie Mercury estate coming [TS]

  after me [TS]

  yeah i understand that it's really [TS]

  powerful lawyers [TS]

  mhm you know yeah sometimes the the [TS]

  family can be pretty tightly wound about [TS]

  the intellectual property of dead people [TS]

  you know this right we talk about the [TS]

  family of a dead creative person who is [TS]

  now living off of the creative person's [TS]

  creative works out of the dead and all [TS]

  the fat of the bed I can get to the [TS]

  elvis presley family God love them they [TS]

  all license his name and likeness to be [TS]

  on pretty much everything that's one by [TS]

  one that really gets me is a voice guys [TS]

  such a cocksucker james joyce's grandson [TS]

  you know about him i have heard about [TS]

  the the difficulty in dealing with james [TS]

  joyce's grandson [TS]

  it's one thing to be a businessman and [TS]

  it's another thing to deliberately be a [TS]

  dick [TS]

  women are you implying that you have [TS]

  tried to license or creative leak use [TS]

  the works of james joyce and have been [TS]

  thwarted by his grandson [TS]

  yeah I had a whole hip-hop opera or as i [TS]

  like to call it a hip hopera he called [TS]

  MC Ulysses i guess i'm not sure haha [TS]

  yeah and then they say they put the [TS]

  kibosh on it we who [TS]

  oh my god yeah that's just not right you [TS]

  know a person should be able to [TS]

  reincorporate another artist's work in a [TS]

  in an additional work and not have to [TS]

  deal with a bunch of upset grandsons [TS]

  yeah I'm sorry for that murder yeah well [TS]

  you know I mean like thank you very much [TS]

  but you know there's the whole thing I [TS]

  don't get into copyright and stuck his [TS]

  boy that's so boring [TS]

  well I mean it can be pointing like [TS]

  there's the whole thing that appears to [TS]

  be true which is that the disney [TS]

  corporation right about the time Mickey [TS]

  Mouse is about to run out they find some [TS]

  way to extend copyright and whatever [TS]

  they're made out of filthy lucre sure [TS]

  but you know James Joyce come on that's [TS]

  that's pretty there's a pretty old books [TS]

  yeah I knew who is it even ever heard of [TS]

  him yeah right let alone read it [TS]

  he's not like Mickey Mouse yeah [TS]

  you know Mickey Mouse like that's like [TS]

  the American flag [TS]

  you know I started Steamboat Willie [TS]

  probably five times and never made it [TS]

  past the first chapter [TS]

  well the problem is there are so many [TS]

  biblical references if you haven't read [TS]

  the Bible all the way through [TS]

  yeah you're not going to get a lot of [TS]

  the lot of the subtext of Steamboat [TS]

  Willie especially the non-canonical [TS]

  Gospels you got you got a saint a saint [TS]

  Jackie you got the same day same really [TS]

  obviously yeah you know I'm still [TS]

  catching up by the reason I'm late as I [TS]

  had to make coffee so i'm still kind of [TS]

  waking up a little bit yeah well i'm a [TS]

  i-i-i I understand that a lot of people [TS]

  assume that I am doing this podcast [TS]

  mostly nude most of the time I didn't [TS]

  until now but uh but today it's actually [TS]

  true i'm completely naked [TS]

  oh god and i would like to be known as [TS]

  Steamboat Willie for the rest of the [TS]

  part not a problem with Lee I think now [TS]

  here's the thing about disney that [TS]

  that's crazy-making is how much how i [TS]

  mean again this is every nerd on the [TS]

  internet knows the ship backwards and [TS]

  forwards but they get so much of their [TS]

  stuff from like free like content from [TS]

  the culture like they didn't write [TS]

  snow-white they didn't right Sleeping [TS]

  Beauty they didn't they didn't write [TS]

  much anything right now this stuff is [TS]

  very much a German fairy tales [TS]

  yeah we'll take turns yeah with the [TS]

  Germans again with the German and who [TS]

  why i like the way we can make that [TS]

  happen every time haha yeah never simple [TS]

  yet all their own there we go here comes [TS]

  god 1 i'm pretty sure [TS]

  Steamboat Willie is a parody parody but [TS]

  you know it's a buster keaton right [TS]

  oh interesting when I was supposed to do [TS]

  that [TS]

  Steamboat Willie dance you know the one [TS]

  where he's kinda like he's doing a [TS]

  little bit of a bump on bom bom bom-bom [TS]

  he's got you know the steamboat willie [TS]

  dance from that and I think that's good [TS]

  you're gonna have to claim that now that [TS]

  your volleyball but for a long time all [TS]

  they knew how to do an animation was [TS]

  slow-moving dinosaurs nice moving the [TS]

  hips and people whistling also flowers [TS]

  flowers doing this kind of arm-waving [TS]

  dancing pretty flowers doing arm [TS]

  waving dance I'm a hundred percent [TS]

  behind i love wish I really wish mouse [TS]

  are really wish mice moving their hips [TS]

  was was still a more popular mean in [TS]

  video culture [TS]

  I'm i can see that being big at [TS]

  comic-con I saw last night i was [TS]

  standing out in front of a bar I don't [TS]

  know why I was there but there was any [TS]

  didn't know for different reasons than [TS]

  you would have known saved a couple [TS]

  decades ago [TS]

  yeah i'm standing outside of a bar it's [TS]

  not that I don't know why I'm there [TS]

  because I'm insensibly intoxicated [TS]

  it's that i was writing my Vespa and I [TS]

  saw a person that I knew and I pulled [TS]

  over i'm talking to them and a rat comes [TS]

  out from underneath a car that's right [TS]

  right next to us and the street is kind [TS]

  of you know half it's not full of people [TS]

  but it's half full of people and the rat [TS]

  comes out and starts a big rat and he he [TS]

  sees that there are a bunch of people on [TS]

  the sidewalk and he knows he needs to go [TS]

  a different direction so he he cuts [TS]

  across the street kind of diagonally and [TS]

  of course we all notice this guy he's a [TS]

  big he's a big guy and he's moving he's [TS]

  moving fast he's doing that thing where [TS]

  is moving so fast that is his tail is [TS]

  kind of it's like it's like the key on a [TS]

  windup toy its kind of spinning around [TS]

  like groaning like a motor boat [TS]

  propeller and heads across the street [TS]

  and somebody comes out of a a doorway [TS]

  and he's like Oh course direct course [TS]

  change any changes course and runs right [TS]

  into a this guy coming out of the next [TS]

  door down walking his little wiener dog [TS]

  in the middle of the night like I walks [TS]

  out the door and the little wiener dog [TS]

  basically steps out the door and the rat [TS]

  runs into his mouth and the wiener dog [TS]

  absolutely loses his mind and chases [TS]

  this rat like into the bushes you're [TS]

  saying he has it that hasn't been bred [TS]

  out of him yet [TS]

  no he's still about you still a badger [TS]

  hound he was so excited that finally and [TS]

  and I had this i have this picture of [TS]

  this weiner dog living on the sky in a [TS]

  living in a studio apartment in this [TS]

  apartment building in the middle of [TS]

  Seattle's Capitol Hill he probably [TS]

  sleeps all day on a honor like a pink [TS]

  sheepskin rug people probably feed him [TS]

  little niblets and put and like shampoo [TS]

  his hair this little guy and he walked [TS]

  out in the middle of the night to go on [TS]

  his like once around the block poop run [TS]

  but tonight was different [TS]

  tonight a five-pound rack ran right into [TS]

  his like face basically and this dog [TS]

  went into the bushes and what you know [TS]

  everybody's cheering at this point on [TS]

  the street like yeah and the dog goes [TS]

  into the bushes and I was there for 45 [TS]

  minutes I never saw the dog again the [TS]

  dog went he thats thing in his little [TS]

  heart his little wiener dog desire to go [TS]

  down a hole after a rat it all came back [TS]

  to him [TS]

  isn't that amazing he's probably down in [TS]

  the sewers right now you got a tasty got [TS]

  a taste of blood his little pink ribbons [TS]

  all covered with with red blood through [TS]

  with rat blood and in and gross and he's [TS]

  just down there like a monster [TS]

  oh my god that is so cool now was he off [TS]

  leash or just because it was one of [TS]

  those like you know the guy the guy that [TS]

  was taking him for a walk was kind of [TS]

  like in his pajamas almost it was it was [TS]

  clearly a okay i know you have to go pee [TS]

  or let's go downstairs and there's a [TS]

  middle of the night but it was a it was [TS]

  a perfect storm for this little wiener [TS]

  dog if you think about that you think [TS]

  about that dog I mean I imagine in in [TS]

  time [TS]

  like most of us he gets used to his [TS]

  environment now you've spoken at length [TS]

  and I think you've helped a lot of [TS]

  people with with helping them to [TS]

  understand that there's a basic animal [TS]

  nature in us that we are squashing or [TS]

  allowing to be squashed down i'm telling [TS]

  you is I think it sounds like this is [TS]

  the dachshund version of a slightly [TS]

  nicer supermax prison he gives to come [TS]

  out and shoot baskets for like an hour a [TS]

  day right [TS]

  he's you know that you like that place [TS]

  where they send the supercriminals yeah [TS]

  it's a it's a healer is living a life [TS]

  where he can do nothing but it's not [TS]

  that bad at the same time it's like the [TS]

  way the shield puts all the really bad [TS]

  super villains way underground this [TS]

  guy's limits their come out there do [TS]

  this do the supervillains get to play [TS]

  basketball for an hour day that depends [TS]

  on what there's with their skills are by [TS]

  and large they're kept in some kind of a [TS]

  state in which their powers [TS]

  are you know a check which is longer if [TS]

  your power was to turn rubber balls into [TS]

  ballistic missiles they probably [TS]

  wouldn't let you have to play that for [TS]

  slam-dunking because I would just be too [TS]

  fun but in this case so if I understand [TS]

  correctly at docs wound is is not to [TS]

  look this up i believe that is that is [TS]

  indeed German for Bajor hound and was [TS]

  their job they bred them in it to be [TS]

  this hideous little creatures that they [TS]

  are so that their bodies could go down a [TS]

  hole to chase the Badgers that your [TS]

  understanding that is my understanding [TS]

  he letting the dogs all those dogs are [TS]

  little routers every dog with it all of [TS]

  the dogs that people are carrying in [TS]

  their purses now were originally [TS]

  designed to chase rats into holes and [TS]

  it's the craziest it's the it's the [TS]

  craziest like psychic disconnect in our [TS]

  culture that these these these creatures [TS]

  that are being treated like that's [TS]

  children are actually they're only [TS]

  reason for existence is to grab rats by [TS]

  the face and chew until the until the [TS]

  rat is dead [TS]

  there's no there's nothing cuddly about [TS]

  these things they're monsters [TS]

  if you think we've got an email before [TS]

  about but and I don't even know if you [TS]

  can find my email I don't look at it to [TS]

  have fun if you if you can get away for [TS]

  dog for a minute here's the thing you [TS]

  think we've heard from heard about [TS]

  bronies you know I think we heard about [TS]

  bronies boy up with cum some email is [TS]

  like walking down the street the other [TS]

  night in an ironic t-shirt that I think [TS]

  was not ironic he had it was a big [TS]

  t-shirt that said brownie on it in my [TS]

  neighborhood [TS]

  no no I'm I my thing John by increasing [TS]

  understanding of brownie culture is that [TS]

  there is no there is no ironic like use [TS]

  of brownie by spice street culture like [TS]

  if you say if your t-shirt says brownie [TS]

  you are a brownie you're not kidding [TS]

  around [TS]

  mmm i think there are even there are [TS]

  even sarcastic juggalos I I knew a girl [TS]

  in Wisconsin who had a juggalo tattoo eh [TS]

  like the hatchet wielding dude which I'm [TS]

  sure even sure he has a name badge will [TS]

  indeed she had a juggalo tattoo and I [TS]

  and I am I remarked upon it because it [TS]

  was in a place that you wouldn't it's [TS]

  not like you're gonna see it in normal [TS]

  encounters weather was on like a steady [TS]

  job and a place you would normally see a [TS]

  juggalette you choose and she was like a [TS]

  perfectly well I'm not gonna say [TS]

  perfectly normal but she was a team and [TS]

  she passed [TS]

  yeah she passed and i said so and this [TS]

  was a long time ago I was like so what's [TS]

  the juggalo think she was like oh I [TS]

  think those guys are so hilarious and I [TS]

  just really I just think they're awesome [TS]

  and i just got this because it was very [TS]

  much a hipster ironic juggalo tension so [TS]

  how can deepen the stacked you have to [TS]

  be for that to make anything like sense [TS]

  but this is the thing about tattoos and [TS]

  I see this all the time there is a there [TS]

  is a sub set of the rationale for [TS]

  getting tattoos that are really just you [TS]

  people get tattoos that are responses to [TS]

  other tattoos or in jokes like they're [TS]

  the tattoo clichés like the girl with [TS]

  the dolphin jumping over a rainbow a [TS]

  tattoo on the small of her back but then [TS]

  there are the guys who get a who get a [TS]

  killer whale jumping over a rainbow [TS]

  that's eating a dolphin and it really [TS]

  only makes sense if you understand that [TS]

  there's a dolphin jumping over a rainbow [TS]

  a cliché you know and that's not even [TS]

  amusing is a shirt [TS]

  it isn't it's not amusing at all but it [TS]

  is a but it's a whole part of the tattoo [TS]

  culture people show you their tattoos [TS]

  and it's like oh and this one is like do [TS]

  you get this one [TS]

  I mean they're like little they're like [TS]

  little puzzles that if you don't [TS]

  understand what what you don't [TS]

  understand tattoo culture then you're [TS]

  not gonna understand this referential [TS]

  tattoo and but but as far as brownie ism [TS]

  goes I don't think that there i don't [TS]

  think that there are like people living [TS]

  in the straight world who get ironic [TS]

  brownie tattoos because it's already so [TS]

  confusing about like whether bronies are [TS]

  ICS are currently [TS]

  isn't an audience yet for brownie [TS]

  organism [TS]

  no although brownie is expanding by [TS]

  leaps and bounds [TS]

  you mean geographically or in terms of [TS]

  the scope of their not irony i think the [TS]

  like just culturally it is becoming a [TS]

  thing faster than anybody can faster [TS]

  than we can build the canopy the the [TS]

  monitoring stations to keep tabs on all [TS]

  these people [TS]

  ok so in time you could move out in [TS]

  concentric circles to a strawberry [TS]

  shortcake origem being truly outrageous [TS]

  i think you can but I think out as time [TS]

  goes on we will start to see nann [TS]

  bronies adopting brownie culture [TS]

  unknowingly just like Liz that's exactly [TS]

  right there will be appropriation upon [TS]

  appropriation and then pretty soon [TS]

  people will be using sparkle power to [TS]

  just go about their normal day and it's [TS]

  like do you even know what sparkle power [TS]

  is it's derived from a thing that that [TS]

  you know that actually means something [TS]

  to people i was astonished when we [TS]

  started talking about bronies initially [TS]

  thinking that your and my jaw you you're [TS]

  in my cultural envelope was only going [TS]

  to include maybe one or two [TS]

  bronies but in fact my inbox was full [TS]

  who love letters letters from very [TS]

  articulate and respectively seem very [TS]

  nice who wanted to who did who had no [TS]

  they had no truck with anything we said [TS]

  they did not want to argue they just [TS]

  wanted to say I am Here I am here and I [TS]

  am listening [TS]

  i'm here i'm brony get used to it that's [TS]

  right but Bentley and please get used to [TS]

  it but but did you know or or don't but [TS]

  we're gonna have a work we're all gonna [TS]

  meet up at the convenience and later I [TS]

  get okay I got you I got two things i [TS]

  want to do this first of all I need a [TS]

  better song to sing you at the beginning [TS]

  yeah and number two I need to do a deep [TS]

  dive on brownies you see meheux you seem [TS]

  a little tired today no no I'm fine I'm [TS]

  subdued I'm trying to be calmer I like [TS]

  that I oh I mean just because it's not [TS]

  that I like you calmer it's that I like [TS]

  any attempt that a person makes to try [TS]

  different thing [TS]

  it's not strictly self-improvement it's [TS]

  just a matter of mixing up you wear a [TS]

  different hat [TS]

  exactly today today I wake up I have a [TS]

  pink bow in my hair tomorrow I'm going [TS]

  down a whole chasing rats [TS]

  that's how life is most of the [TS]

  incontinent dogs I've known have been [TS]

  dachshunds don't know that's an [TS]

  availability heuristic or you know the [TS]

  the attribution error or the category [TS]

  error but you know it seems like most of [TS]

  the incontinent dogs i think i think for [TS]

  one thing dogs that live longer small [TS]

  dogs i believe tend to live longer than [TS]

  large dogs turns out i believe that that [TS]

  is the case it so hard to have less work [TS]

  to maybe but also the breeding you get [TS]

  the bigger dogs they start getting the [TS]

  hip dysplasia and right not a little [TS]

  dogs you think they bred their bladders [TS]

  to be too small maybe maybe that was [TS]

  important that could be an adaptation [TS]

  but you know here's the thing i mean you [TS]

  like you see the kind of work that they [TS]

  do you think about the hideous freak [TS]

  dogs and this is what i say this is [TS]

  where the emails going to start pouring [TS]

  in [TS]

  because you don't want to talk about pit [TS]

  bulls because people who have pit bulls [TS]

  are sensitive about pit bulls are nice [TS]

  people then I'm just saying like if you [TS]

  breathe one of these dogs were massive [TS]

  housing missed mask if not going to have [TS]

  hip dysplasia [TS]

  yeah right like you're trying to you're [TS]

  trying to make make a line out of a [TS]

  boxer [TS]

  it's weird i know i think i'm a stiff is [TS]

  your senses that was not a grandmaster [TS]

  if you ever seen like a big Mastiff have [TS]

  I have chased me across so many bedrooms [TS]

  but you know one thing they can't climb [TS]

  trees yet [TS]

  mm I i have nothing you know i have i've [TS]

  had a lot of experience with people's [TS]

  first-hand experience with them being [TS]

  just delightful little people [TS]

  yes and that's the problem is the bottom [TS]

  dachshund is what caused that can like a [TS]

  crush on Iron Chef okay okay here's the [TS]

  thing Tommy tune comes downstairs with [TS]

  his dogs wearing his jammies if you were [TS]

  to give him a pop quiz right there on [TS]

  the street in front of place for you [TS]

  weren't drinking he said excuse me sir [TS]

  do you think it's possible that your [TS]

  little doggie ginger or Mary Ann or [TS]

  whatever you think Marion's probably [TS]

  upstairs sleeping but because you know [TS]

  they can have two dogs in San Francisco [TS]

  you can have two dogs in one kid or two [TS]

  kids and one dog but there's gotta be [TS]

  you gotta do something you're not saying [TS]

  oh [TS]

  so it's a thing it's a thing they check [TS]

  the check you at the at the gate there's [TS]

  always that one kid two kids are one dog [TS]

  but you gotta do something this little [TS]

  more like a ginger or Mary Ann probably [TS]

  change your intestine and so this guy [TS]

  comes downstairs you know stay together [TS]

  populist you said let me let me ask me [TS]

  ask you this do you thinks gonna be sir [TS]

  to be a pop quiz man-on-the-street let [TS]

  me give you I'm gonna give you a quick [TS]

  question [TS]

  don't overthink it is there a chance [TS]

  that your dog ginger or or Marilyn [TS]

  Monroe or judy garland or whatever is [TS]

  there a chance that your little dog with [TS]

  tear ass after a fucking cat sighs rat [TS]

  and run away from you to go eat it until [TS]

  there was nothing more to eat to tear it [TS]

  apart just for fun [TS]

  get it in its little mouth oh you brush [TS]

  his teeth I know if there's no little [TS]

  yellow spots on T it goes and it fucking [TS]

  bites a rat and shakes it and then it's [TS]

  Matt there isn't more right to kill sir [TS]

  yes or no do you think that's likely to [TS]

  happen and he'd say excuse me [TS]

  oh now now we're going to get letters [TS]

  from so now you're getting ping-pong and [TS]

  so here's the problem you breed a dog [TS]

  you know what you understand what [TS]

  breathing is you know you understand IDK [TS]

  what can I eugenics you know all about [TS]

  freedom canine eugenics is you do [TS]

  something really fucked up with two dogs [TS]

  and say which one of these turned out [TS]

  more of the really crazy dog we were [TS]

  trying to make out of two different dogs [TS]

  and right it's a form of forest [TS]

  evolution and then you put the other one [TS]

  in a sack full of rocks and throwing [TS]

  over bridge as you do [TS]

  yeah yeah so I'm just saying I got [TS]

  nothing against pit bulls my [TS]

  sister-in-law who threw my glasses way [TS]

  nothing i'm angry she had as a pitbull [TS]

  the they were told that it was a pitbull [TS]

  and then some kind of like a look at was [TS]

  sweet bird dog one of the sweet dumb [TS]

  bird dogs later transferred on birddog [TS]

  think Josh know he um no but you are you [TS]

  get one of those sweet talks like a [TS]

  retriever retrievers are not the [TS]

  sharpest dog in the drawer right but in [TS]

  and we brought home like oh this is [TS]

  sweet it's a retriever pitbull mix and [TS]

  in the fullness of time it became [TS]

  clearer and clearer that a pitbull have [TS]

  fucked a little bit of retriever and in [TS]

  this lookout came out here looking [TS]

  retrievers they don't seem smart but it [TS]

  might just be that we but they have not [TS]

  been called into action yet LOL what I [TS]

  mean [TS]

  also if you throw in the rat into some [TS]

  water well it could just be that the [TS]

  retriever let's say the retriever [TS]

  as we think of them as like I'll go get [TS]

  the duck bring the duck back who but it [TS]

  may be that that a million retrievers [TS]

  over the course of the thousand years [TS]

  keep coming down those metaphorical [TS]

  apartment steps and they keep walking [TS]

  out the door and there is no in this [TS]

  case metaphorical rat that activates [TS]

  what retrievers are there ultimately to [TS]

  do a duck has never been provided [TS]

  whatever the whatever the duck is in [TS]

  this situation who clearly it is a duck [TS]

  is not just a duck here whatever a duck [TS]

  is we just always think of them as is [TS]

  duck chasers but they were not were not [TS]

  put on this planet perhaps just to bring [TS]

  duck's back [TS]

  they might be waiting they might be [TS]

  waiting they are Manchurian Candidate i [TS]

  don't i don't know i guess so but you [TS]

  know it's so hard to know what our [TS]

  audience is interested in and I think at [TS]

  some level shouldn't matter because help [TS]

  comes from places sometimes dark so that [TS]

  helps the darkness falls out of the sky [TS]

  as I think you've shown but i think our [TS]

  relationship with animals is something [TS]

  that is worth pursuing and penetrating [TS]

  and stick a finger in because it's clear [TS]

  to me that we talked about this with [TS]

  raccoons we talked about this with [TS]

  raccoons we've talked about this with [TS]

  nutria we've certainly talked about this [TS]

  with birds horses i like your Manchurian [TS]

  Candidate thing I think I think we're [TS]

  facing the rover we have taken these [TS]

  animals out of their natural unnatural [TS]

  environment right that their natural [TS]

  environment be walking around just [TS]

  eating shit they find but we want to [TS]

  make them two things that by poles on [TS]

  the nose [TS]

  yes you are you making a dog by to pull [TS]

  on the nose if you if you create a dog [TS]

  whose sole purpose is to buy a bowl on [TS]

  the nose in the same way that when you [TS]

  create a rat chaser you get this the [TS]

  side effect is that it is incontinent if [TS]

  you create a bowl knows biter [TS]

  uh-huh what are the side effects like [TS]

  it's a canine game of whack-a-mole [TS]

  there's something else in that dog [TS]

  there's some other higher purpose [TS]

  because biting Apple on the nose [TS]

  sure but how many times is that going to [TS]

  happen to a guy this is important to [TS]

  come in this is super interesting and [TS]

  you have to wonder with these little [TS]

  genetic freaks that we keep in our home [TS]

  you have you have to wonder like at what [TS]

  point what point will that sleeper cell [TS]

  be activate [TS]

  it by something you know rat it is is [TS]

  closer to a badger than most things in [TS]

  the world right through closer to a [TS]

  better than say a shovel yes exactly [TS]

  it's a hole is a hole using device but [TS]

  but no absolutely and and so okay so [TS]

  here's what I'm thinking I'm thinking of [TS]

  dogs I've known a hole using the device [TS]

  i had a PI had a pointer that was really [TS]

  stupid and I had a beagle that was [TS]

  really stupid and but both of them in [TS]

  there but what are you measuring their [TS]

  intelligence stupid relative to your [TS]

  friends stupid relative to like a lot of [TS]

  it has to do with me a lot of it has to [TS]

  do with me you can you can judge a dog [TS]

  by a large apart from its genetic freak [TS]

  nature by the person who is the animal [TS]

  companion of that dog you don't say [TS]

  owner you know that you say animal [TS]

  companion who are we going to get some [TS]

  letters yeah we're gonna get letters [TS]

  from the companions but ok for example i [TS]

  have this building is shepherding the [TS]

  animal through life you're not its owner [TS]

  my puter West pointer would point like [TS]

  he'd never been around meeting the point [TS]

  at but still there's something inside of [TS]

  him that when he said he smelled [TS]

  everything an amazing sense of smell and [TS]

  I never knew what he was pointing at it [TS]

  could have been the metaphorical [TS]

  Duckworth my beagle which would have [TS]

  been seeing dead people [TS]

  well then maybe i'll just say my beagle [TS]

  like every time we turned around he [TS]

  killed a rabbit [TS]

  I don't even know they were rabbits [TS]

  somewhere not find around tell it the [TS]

  same way as it with this goddamn rat [TS]

  yeah maybe I mean I don't know cuz their [TS]

  way we could have a dog that would like [TS]

  bring us coffee or I mean if we're going [TS]

  to the thing is we know so much more [TS]

  about genetics today and if you have a [TS]

  bernese mountain dog who had a that had [TS]

  a hexameric it's me and more now it's [TS]

  gotten me and my reign Ian bernese [TS]

  mountain dog had a barrel around his [TS]

  neck and you could adapt some I'm sure [TS]

  if you went to your local starbucks and [TS]

  said listen I'm trying to build a wooden [TS]

  barrel then I'm gonna hang around my [TS]

  dog's neck and I wanted to I wanted to [TS]

  carry coffee do you have a nozzle do you [TS]

  have a nipple or something that 10 and i [TS]

  can put on this barrel that can interact [TS]

  with your espresso drip coffeemaker [TS]

  thing somewhere in seattle there's a guy [TS]

  yes if you want if you went up to the [TS]

  counter he'd probably be wearing one of [TS]

  those like [TS]

  knee-length aprons and he would have a [TS]

  handlebar mustache [TS]

  it's am trying to make a I'm trying to [TS]

  make a barrel that my bernese mountain [TS]

  dog can carry can bring coffee to me in [TS]

  the morning [TS]

  do you have the nipple and before you [TS]

  even said nipple he'd be like up i have [TS]

  exactly what you're looking for [TS]

  that's forty nine dollars and he would [TS]

  go back he would go back by the county [TS]

  would come out within our array of tubes [TS]

  and then he would say in this this all [TS]

  hooks of course to your Italian like [TS]

  single press coffee device right okay [TS]

  here's the other thing they like there's [TS]

  all this bullshit going on now where [TS]

  people are trying to make all these [TS]

  computer things that the do stuff and [TS]

  don't really do it [TS]

  there's an app you can get now where you [TS]

  can like call ahead to order coffee and [TS]

  then you go there pick it up which [TS]

  whatever i'm not sure how much time that [TS]

  saves the point is these places their [TS]

  biggest cost you know the coffee's about [TS]

  the license to print money it's your [TS]

  hands paying the guy in the apron that's [TS]

  costly i'm thinking you get a dog collar [TS]

  with a smart card in it and a nozzle you [TS]

  you get the Bernese to the béarnaise [TS]

  don't pronounce it guarantees yeah it's [TS]

  a it's a bears mountain there's no [TS]

  reason if you can see if you can teach a [TS]

  sweet little animal fighting bulls knows [TS]

  they're chasing a rabbit down the hole [TS]

  there's no fucking reason that you [TS]

  cannot teach if an average to [TS]

  above-average intelligence dog to fill a [TS]

  wooden barrel with coffee [TS]

  yeah right exactly and it once we've [TS]

  done that I don't even care what that [TS]

  dogs real purpose in life is [TS]

  yeah I'm gonna get one and he's going to [TS]

  come upstairs and into my room every [TS]

  morning with a barrel of coffee around [TS]

  his neck and I'll pat him on the head [TS]

  and that will be all he needs because [TS]

  all they want to do is please let me [TS]

  know what you doing John you you're [TS]

  using the same Frank honesty and candor [TS]

  which i think is all means the same [TS]

  thing that you bring to all of your [TS]

  transactions in life which is you have [TS]

  made the barrel into the duck [TS]

  he's not gonna want to go chase other [TS]

  stuff he's going to want to fucking [TS]

  bring you coffee [TS]

  exactly he didn't even know what the [TS]

  duck was now until it was a barrel [TS]

  oh and the thing about this is that i [TS]

  believe that this is true of human [TS]

  beings to you think everybody's got a [TS]

  doc that's what I was thinking [TS]

  yes we are more complicated obviously [TS]

  than bernese mountain dogs or wiener [TS]

  dogs but i think that there are I think [TS]

  that we are waiting [TS]

  each of us for our duck [TS]

  and when that duck appears sometimes [TS]

  you're not you're not thinking about it [TS]

  you're not ready for it here at a [TS]

  bookstore you're looking you know you're [TS]

  looking for a housewarming gift you are [TS]

  like on your way to meet your fiancé [TS]

  and your duck appears who are you gonna [TS]

  I mean are you gonna chase that rat into [TS]

  the bushes and down the hole and get [TS]

  your pink ribbons dirty and or are you [TS]

  going to fight the fact that every fiber [TS]

  of your being says holy shit i never [TS]

  knew it but there's my duck [TS]

  there's my duck and i'm going to look [TS]

  away because I and I have self [TS]

  domesticated myself there's no there's [TS]

  no guy in his pajamas who's brought me [TS]

  here to this doorway it is i am the guy [TS]

  in pajamas and i am the dog and I am [TS]

  ignoring the doc well as much as you can [TS]

  say and I know you didn't get along with [TS]

  you this because you're watching the rat [TS]

  but like for example the guy in the [TS]

  jammies [TS]

  what's his duck exactly left it ok [TS]

  alright I'm thing is when his dog went [TS]

  off into the bushes yeah he's left [TS]

  holding the dock like now everything's [TS]

  changed for this guy right [TS]

  is he gonna is he gonna let this dog [TS]

  come into his bed and let him on the [TS]

  face tonight covered in rap like it goes [TS]

  any fines ginger and in you know you [TS]

  using dead rats or stomped rats i [TS]

  replace our band used to practice i was [TS]

  at my friend's house and he was feral my [TS]

  friend was terrible he he hunted he [TS]

  would go out in the backyard and shoot [TS]

  rats and he hated rats and he was you [TS]

  know he liked work for a living like he [TS]

  had like rough hands and boots our [TS]

  drummer and use that you used some kind [TS]

  of steel pressed he would see what [TS]

  stopped them he would stop them in the [TS]

  kitchen and then scoop them up with the [TS]

  cardboard anything that 12 Bush beers [TS]

  came in and then just throw it on the [TS]

  back yard and house like a frog box so [TS]

  it's also make a great hat too i just [TS]

  saw Coors Light cowboy hat for sale on [TS]

  amazon just yesterday I didn't even know [TS]

  that existed in that weird even imagine [TS]

  he would smash it with his boot and [TS]

  scoop it up he had no problem and to me [TS]

  I know it completely freaked me out that [TS]

  he could do it and wasn't something [TS]

  where he was like I'm drunk and I'm [TS]

  going to kick a rat he had done this so [TS]

  many times that you know how hard it is [TS]

  to to stop a rat you know how fast those [TS]

  little fuckers are yes he was not [TS]

  startled he was not [TS]

  I care that his name his name is legion [TS]

  his name was Bruce but I think he's a [TS]

  commando he's a commando but didn't the [TS]

  thing is that when you see a rats and [TS]

  smashed or like it like an arcade [TS]

  neighborhood a pigeon thank god it looks [TS]

  like what it looks like if you don't [TS]

  really understand the word guts until [TS]

  you've seen a smashed animal even seem [TS]

  like a if you see somebody like cut-up a [TS]

  cow or a pig it's still not the same [TS]

  there's a surgical nature took the [TS]

  cutting the handoff a pig [TS]

  this is something completely different [TS]

  this is nature this is uses your duck [TS]

  staring in the face it looks like steak [TS]

  tartare maybe yeah but it's like with a [TS]

  plate of spaghetti put on it [TS]

  yes yes okay that's Gus and I and you [TS]

  stuff all of it in a furry slipper [TS]

  yeah I've seen some squash things here's [TS]

  the here's the problem i'm just going to [TS]

  say this just just quickly and passing [TS]

  i'll probably cut this out but the thing [TS]

  is if you obtain a dog whose entire [TS]

  raison d'être from its entire line of [TS]

  existence down the line with all these [TS]

  dogs was to literally kill things to [TS]

  kill big things not be scared of things [TS]

  you know dinosaurs you can hide from [TS]

  dinosaurs long as you stand still [TS]

  once you start moving that dinosaur goes [TS]

  after that's how it works they're not [TS]

  super private got a brain the size of a [TS]

  walnut if you've got had that much [TS]

  experience hiding from dinosaurs so [TS]

  thank you from to your knowledge she [TS]

  took me that okay all I'm saying is this [TS]

  what happens after every no one noticed [TS]

  a pitbull actually I'm saying people up [TS]

  after every vicious dog attack that [TS]

  kills a child or old person to a person [TS]

  what does the owner always say the [TS]

  nicest sweetest dog Dave never done [TS]

  anything like even near this before [TS]

  right [TS]

  there's not a single person in the world [TS]

  that hasn't had their dog except for [TS]

  maybe like a football player somebody [TS]

  they've never had anybody even if [TS]

  there's never been anybody with a dog [TS]

  that killed a person who said yeah [TS]

  that's happened five times there's [TS]

  always a first time but this is [TS]

  absolutely this is exactly the problem [TS]

  with human beings to that that's that's [TS]

  what everybody says about the about the [TS]

  maniac white supremacist guy that walks [TS]

  in and kills a bunch of sikhs because he [TS]

  doesn't understand what I see kids a lot [TS]

  wrong turban long-term he's like you [TS]

  know that this guy that killed all the [TS]

  all that walked into the sikh temple and [TS]

  killed all the sikhs and everyone saying [TS]

  well gee I don't understand what his [TS]

  motivation was [TS]

  right well because he's an asshole and [TS]

  he's an idiot and these he doesn't know [TS]

  that the husband till the one turban [TS]

  from the other and he doesn't even he [TS]

  doesn't care and there's three there [TS]

  could be three minute like we said [TS]

  before with the clan there could be [TS]

  three minutes in junior high that [TS]

  largely explains why he is the way he is [TS]

  it didn't take it didn't take a lot of [TS]

  reading while there's probably some [TS]

  breathing issues but but you know I'm [TS]

  saying you've never done anything like [TS]

  that all that's the problem but you [TS]

  never do anything like this before and [TS]

  then all of a sudden [TS]

  oh he killed nine people well it's like [TS]

  none of us have ever done anything like [TS]

  that before [TS]

  and until we do because we are we're [TS]

  we're we're animals simples all of this [TS]

  one of those stupid sayings like [TS]

  whenever you lose someone you find [TS]

  something you lost its always in the [TS]

  last place you look [TS]

  I cannot believe that adults still say [TS]

  that haha well I found it but I kept [TS]

  looking for a couple hours it's the [TS]

  weirdest thing [TS]

  yeah okay so um here's a question for [TS]

  you then you know about you know about [TS]

  serial killers i do I have a sideline ru [TS]

  ru ru laughs and you follow serial [TS]

  killers apologize i'm pretty enough and [TS]

  you're not a fan of anybody but I'm [TS]

  pretty interested in serial killers and [TS]

  it's my understanding that yes I'm not [TS]

  just start did this start back in the [TS]

  day like there was a time in the early [TS]

  nineties were serial killers dead Sam [TS]

  dumb was a was a thing in our culture [TS]

  right John Wayne Gacy selling paintings [TS]

  and getting marriage proposals [TS]

  yeah I had a lot of friends that had [TS]

  that had that chorus that literally [TS]

  correspondent with killers in the in the [TS]

  jail and had books about them and stuff [TS]

  it's after I was not easy to send a [TS]

  letter to anybody it really is and I did [TS]

  not I did not approve that and I did not [TS]

  indulge in it but but since since the [TS]

  Internet has arrived in all of our lives [TS]

  I must confess to having spent many many [TS]

  hours late at night trying to understand [TS]

  not trying to understand well yeah [TS]

  trying to understand Bundy and Jeffrey [TS]

  Dahmer are well and our local money snow [TS]

  bunny the hell of a story Bundy isn't [TS]

  Bundy was not one of my first serial [TS]

  killers [TS]

  well it seems in Florida he was already [TS]

  you know when he was one of the first [TS]

  serial killers he was smart shit [TS]

  art and diabolical and he broke out he [TS]

  broke out of jail he changed his you [TS]

  know there's a lot of a lot of it is [TS]

  yuki you get some guy in Quantico was [TS]

  drinking a lot of coffee thinks he has [TS]

  it figured out where Bundy Bundy and [TS]

  again I'm not here to promote Ted Bundy [TS]

  but he but he did he took an eternity [TS]

  switch it up he tried different things [TS]

  he go to different places he escaped [TS]

  multiple times but but she also i mean [TS]

  there's this like oh yeah he was this [TS]

  rig super killer but then he also would [TS]

  go up into the mountains and have sex [TS]

  with the dead body of the person he [TS]

  killed for multiple days until in his [TS]

  own words the body was not you could no [TS]

  longer have sex with the rise of [TS]

  decomposition is a college math and that [TS]

  is the thing that it's very difficult to [TS]

  square with like yeah use the body and [TS]

  Clyde and then o.o spend two seconds [TS]

  thinking about the things that he did [TS]

  over there is no possible way to [TS]

  contextualise that if you if you you [TS]

  can't get that you can't live in a world [TS]

  where that is possible and yet here he [TS]

  you believe that people are like [TS]

  reasonable predictable and that you know [TS]

  that it I guess what I'm saying is it is [TS]

  not possible to live in a world where [TS]

  there are Bundy's and at the same time [TS]

  you believe that we can educate people [TS]

  away educate our our society to a point [TS]

  where there is no longer hatred or [TS]

  suffering you know what I mean like [TS]

  there's this is the liberal conceit [TS]

  right that if we just want attention [TS]

  people are basically people are [TS]

  basically good and need to be given the [TS]

  circumstances to do the right thing [TS]

  yeah and we just we just threw through a [TS]

  process of acculturation and also some [TS]

  sort of draconian laws and maybe we [TS]

  throw a little busing on there then and [TS]

  then all of a sudden all of our hatred [TS]

  of one another will go away and we will [TS]

  live in a utopia where we wake up every [TS]

  morning and and make musically for one [TS]

  another and we all gathered a common [TS]

  table and eat usually and you know and [TS]

  our linen garments don't chafe and then [TS]

  except for this one guy who likes to eat [TS]

  peoples faces or have sex with dead [TS]

  bodies [TS]

  but he's you know really like he just [TS]

  saw he just found his dark and handsome [TS]

  and we're just gonna have to hit we have [TS]

  to walk him over to this other area this [TS]

  fenced-off area even though fences are [TS]

  terrible that's the exception to the [TS]

  rule [TS]

  yeah and it's like well maybe he [TS]

  certainly is an outlier right on the [TS]

  bell curve survives the people of the [TS]

  people we're aware of and the people [TS]

  we've caught bet there's a lot of [TS]

  painting Snatchers out there I bet [TS]

  people would be everybody here's here's [TS]

  one of the problems turns out is that [TS]

  everybody thinks you know for example [TS]

  child abductions have gone way way down [TS]

  since like the nineteen-forties of [TS]

  interesting it's just the reporting of [TS]

  things like child abduction has gone [TS]

  through the roof [TS]

  there's probably they were probably way [TS]

  more missing blondes back in the days [TS]

  when cars were larger it's just that [TS]

  today it's way over reported what I'm [TS]

  saying yes I do yes yes and so and so I [TS]

  think that's part of it but here's the [TS]

  other thing good but you know Bundy [TS]

  worked as a as a pretty high up staffer [TS]

  for the camp the Republican campaign for [TS]

  governor here in Washington State and he [TS]

  was like a trusted advisor of the love [TS]

  of the man who eventually was the [TS]

  Republican governor of Washington and so [TS]

  you have to be pretty high functioning [TS]

  not just high-functioning maniac you [TS]

  have to be a pretty high-functioning [TS]

  person to be working that challenge John [TS]

  Wayne Gacy was not only a clown at [TS]

  children's parties he was one of the [TS]

  most respected businessman in his in his [TS]

  area of chicago and here's how he got a [TS]

  lot of those young men in the car was [TS]

  that he would say to them hey look on [TS]

  this construction business do you want [TS]

  to make a little bit of quick money i'd [TS]

  be more than happy I'm a clown at [TS]

  parties and a member of the Rotary Club [TS]

  and I'm so i hope i didn't get that [TS]

  wrong night at the Argentine stadium [TS]

  wrong I'm a clown at the Rotary Club and [TS]

  yeah yeah and so and so but but people [TS]

  get the car and then pretty soon they're [TS]

  in the basement [TS]

  he's got to stick with a wire on a [TS]

  twisting around the neck and he's [TS]

  reading the Bible verses and then he [TS]

  calls on the screwdriver that actually [TS]

  sounds kinda hot especially with a clown [TS]

  uh-huh i would like I wouldn't like it [TS]

  at first no no understanding is that he [TS]

  put that he it was Casey right there [TS]

  buried the bodies in the basement and [TS]

  then just go just poured lye on them so [TS]

  yeah I mean isn't this all works for a [TS]

  while and then they found [TS]

  it was something like I want to say 28 [TS]

  of them but here's what I want you [TS]

  speaking of ducks you've got you look at [TS]

  somebody like Jeffrey Dahmer who's a [TS]

  super interesting character talks about [TS]

  a freaky little guy he was a real freaky [TS]

  guy but you know what he had that same [TS]

  pattern as a whole bunch of people can I [TS]

  just say killing cats you need a kid who [TS]

  blows up a little bit too much stuff you [TS]

  excluded you meet somebody who has [TS]

  killed a lot of cats never kill the [TS]

  thing in blowing things up i'm so glad i [TS]

  always said clear [TS]

  fire in the hole fire in the hole get [TS]

  out that and then I and then I would [TS]

  miss the ignition button and boom he's [TS]

  like yeah I can't imagine like wearing [TS]

  like this yellow like you know marksman [TS]

  glasses goggles but all I'm saying is [TS]

  this if it is fair to say and I think [TS]

  it's fair to say because I've read [TS]

  enough I've read enough books I've [TS]

  watched enough TV shows and spend some [TS]

  time with media to know that a lifetime [TS]

  that you you take somebody who's a [TS]

  14-year old cat killer and you have your [TS]

  seeing the seeds of something that will [TS]

  become the discovery of docs and star [TS]

  which is a terrific Marquez story by the [TS]

  way and now here's a question to you and [TS]

  there's something request is this just [TS]

  for serial killers are there other [TS]

  things where we should be watching not [TS]

  necessarily cats that are being killed [TS]

  with animals should we be watching [TS]

  animals doing freaky stuff like animals [TS]

  that I don't know they like they like to [TS]

  I'd like to choose furniture they I'm [TS]

  just saying [TS]

  are there ways that we can see this [TS]

  feral nature coming out before it comes [TS]

  to a dead rat or a coed and i think the [TS]

  other markers John other markers you're [TS]

  saying in the animal kingdom were in the [TS]

  human can John it's the same kingdom [TS]

  trillions [TS]

  i'm going to say that yes there are [TS]

  markers all the time and that's why we [TS]

  don't hang out with people who listen to [TS]

  white supremacist music but we do hang [TS]

  out with say for instance bronies man [TS]

  you know like you look at some bronies [TS]

  and you think has a brownie ever flipped [TS]

  his lid and ride you think the Bernie [TS]

  Sanders duck i think they have I think [TS]

  that's absolutely true they found but [TS]

  there are a lot of ducks right there are [TS]

  a lot of kerala there are there's a [TS]

  large dogs and there's a lot of decoys [TS]

  that that's exactly right and there are [TS]

  there are tons of dogs who for whom that [TS]

  rat would not have been there duck who [TS]

  you know they got a different doc it [TS]

  come out there i would run right under [TS]

  their nose right across their paws and [TS]

  the dog obviously the ears would go up [TS]

  they would be attentive the head the [TS]

  tail would go up they would just as [TS]

  every other human on that street if we [TS]

  had ears that could go up our ears were [TS]

  all up on that rat came out from under [TS]

  the car right our tails all went up my [TS]

  if I if I see a rat I even though I [TS]

  understand if I see a rat a remove and [TS]

  and the thing is a rat doesn't want to [TS]

  be seen [TS]

  no rat the rat that he realized oh he [TS]

  realizes i am clocked he's gonna find a [TS]

  wall he's gonna run along the lines [TS]

  going to the creepy think of another [TS]

  their their their bodies look like a [TS]

  ferret their kind of weasel kind of [TS]

  bifurcated and kind of scoot this big [TS]

  but they're so gross [TS]

  the guts but they're gonna they're gonna [TS]

  hightail it away they're not going to [TS]

  come confront you about having been seen [TS]

  you know when you just said big but it [TS]

  occurred to me that there is someone on [TS]

  listening to this podcast who is not a [TS]

  hundred percent sure that they aren't [TS]

  may be attracted to rats essentially is [TS]

  mixed listening [TS]

  I don't think you know I don't think he [TS]

  made him aware of the show I don't think [TS]

  that mix listens but i did recently [TS]

  learned that not one but two where I [TS]

  knew that one of the presidents of the [TS]

  united states of america was a regular [TS]

  listener right but but now it turns out [TS]

  that two of them are who I think I know [TS]

  the invitation has only has two strings [TS]

  on his drum to Gina didn't know that [TS]

  that's part of his sound you know you [TS]

  know this is is a is one of his rack [TS]

  Tom's is a beer cooler i can track has a [TS]

  riot [TS]

  he knows that he knows how to live but [TS]

  no uh lead singer of the president's [TS]

  Chris blue fails crisply welcome to the [TS]

  family famous American nothing but every [TS]

  episode quit now every episode and he [TS]

  has a he gave me he can be broken down [TS]

  from the other day gave me the exegesis [TS]

  of our whole thing he did he pulled a [TS]

  little bit of plans burgers Jason gave [TS]

  me a second to Jason gave after flans [TS]

  gave me the second-biggest exegesis that [TS]

  I've ever gotten of the show and may I [TS]

  say John of you i think i think you [TS]

  might be Jason offense doc [TS]

  Finn Finn knows a lot about me [TS]

  he also notes notes for the Ducks appear [TS]

  he also thinks he knows a lot more about [TS]

  anything haha are you good for equal [TS]

  time because he told me a lot of things [TS]

  no no I have no III you're Maya it [TS]

  trying to decode Jason finish the thing [TS]

  that I do in private with Jason fitting [TS]

  that you got to think i'm gonna take out [TS]

  in the world [TS]

  guys I keep imagining with you and so [TS]

  many people at camera think once it's [TS]

  the Raven business 1 Roger Corman movie [TS]

  with like Peter Lorre and I want to see [TS]

  Christopher Lee Vincent Price and [TS]

  there's this one magic duel [TS]

  it's done like five dollars with [TS]

  suspects when they like throw fireballs [TS]

  at each other across this long table to [TS]

  keep imagining sounds like every friday [TS]

  night for me getting a long table with [TS]

  my friends just casting like cheap [TS]

  effects at each other [TS]

  let me ask you this have you ever known [TS]

  a border collie I i would not come up in [TS]

  a culture where border collies were a [TS]

  major currency the dogs that that I knew [TS]

  growing up [TS]

  acknowledgments inhaler Malamutes and [TS]

  huskies and shepherds [TS]

  and uh actually Bernese Mountain Dogs [TS]

  big dogs made for cold weather com and [TS]

  then you might be surprised but my high [TS]

  school girlfriend their family were [TS]

  weiner dog owners and uncle are winners [TS]

  and weird the wiener dogs could never go [TS]

  outside because nature would kill them [TS]

  instantly Alaska they're not sitting [TS]

  there like an invasive exotic they're [TS]

  not ever did [TS]

  evasive they're not that suited for the [TS]

  environment yeah the the Alaska itself [TS]

  Alaska personified would see a wiener [TS]

  dog and immediately crush it with just [TS]

  it would just direct some cool people in [TS]

  Germany keep their house key inside you [TS]

  know what I mean I don't Germans don't [TS]

  have Huskies is that right well I mean [TS]

  modern Germans can have anything they [TS]

  want because their domain allmovie [TS]

  Czechoslovakia because they're deutsche [TS]

  mark became the euro and then that is [TS]

  that has purchasing power but [TS]

  traditionally know they had they had to [TS]

  they made all kinds of dogs they're [TS]

  they're the ultimate dog makers on a [TS]

  child Chinese him a run for their money [TS]

  I do you know the prison inmates on a [TS]

  thought china has made some fock top [TS]

  dogs England now here's the thing in [TS]

  England in France they were very [TS]

  practical reason ask about border [TS]

  collies just quickly [TS]

  I've been around a few border collies [TS]

  and there's one thing in common with all [TS]

  of them here's what happens [TS]

  excuse me I think people go out but my [TS]

  cough but another just gonna take off [TS]

  but i think people go out they look on [TS]

  the internet or they buy a dog book at [TS]

  the barnes and noble bring it home oh my [TS]

  god border collies [TS]

  look at that sweet face look at those [TS]

  eyes oh my gosh well yeah they read the [TS]

  first paragraph what they don't read is [TS]

  that dog will never stop hurting [TS]

  everything [TS]

  oh right of course well i had a friend [TS]

  that had an Australian Shepherd that dog [TS]

  could actually climb walls but the base [TS]

  AC ducts everywhere they gotta see ducks [TS]

  there they're herding instinct is so [TS]

  powerful that they will heard like dust [TS]

  around the house they will heard [TS]

  seriously build they'll sit and heard [TS]

  anything that moves if you had a if you [TS]

  have some streamers on a fan they would [TS]

  try to get those streamers like I've [TS]

  heard this from CS like a cat I've heard [TS]

  this from three different people who've [TS]

  had this that to varying degrees my [TS]

  friend my friend Richard in particular [TS]

  up in a border collie house and they [TS]

  heard the children if he tried to leave [TS]

  the dog [TS]

  excuse me if he tried to leave the yard [TS]

  the border collie would grab him in a [TS]

  non harmful way by the seat of his pants [TS]

  and drag him back into the yard which is [TS]

  I think an advantage if you have [TS]

  children who are stupid so you just need [TS]

  to find the right duck for your dog and [TS]

  the right dog for your duck if you have [TS]

  stupid goes both ways get a border [TS]

  collie if you're just stupid children [TS]

  smart dog [TS]

  yeah if your children heart then maybe [TS]

  you need a dog that doesn't have that [TS]

  and so if you've got a super genius in [TS]

  the house like a super train you it's [TS]

  okay to have a dumb dog now get this is [TS]

  not the i don't see my kids and your mom [TS]

  still listens [TS]

  Gibson is a not no wait don't tell me i [TS]

  know this oh shit it's not a greyhound [TS]

  it's a was first letter first love be a [TS]

  bird before so I'm course I upon a [TS]

  borzoi that's exactly right you found [TS]

  you found it in your mind [TS]

  Gibson is a borzoi although he is a [TS]

  borzoi crossed with a with it so he's a [TS]

  second service fucking dog [TS]

  it is he's a smaller dog while he's that [TS]

  he's less nervous but he has incredible [TS]

  have been around with it's like a great [TS]

  math it is but the but he's much bigger [TS]

  dog meant whip-it Gibson has doggy on we [TS]

  got along just he does so he is consumed [TS]

  he has anxiety which but really he has [TS]

  he has on wee man only spend many many [TS]

  hours sitting with his his paws under [TS]

  his chin staring up the door wondering [TS]

  about things you can use it to his [TS]

  meeting this need a doc he's a cipher [TS]

  his his dad because he has a doc which [TS]

  is a spaghetti he wants spaghetti is his [TS]

  luck he wants spaghetti and I that [TS]

  there's nothing to account for this [TS]

  there's nothing in the history of this [TS]

  dog that would indicate that spaghetti [TS]

  was the was was the holy grail for his [TS]

  cat that ate spaghetti compulsively yeah [TS]

  this is so bored boys were were the [TS]

  pressure that [TS]

  yeah they were the dogs of the Czar's [TS]

  and they were bred to [TS]

  to hunt wolves and they would work as a [TS]

  team so up three boys would approach a [TS]

  wolf and at it I don't know if you ever [TS]

  seen a wolf up close what wolves do not [TS]

  like to be approached [TS]

  lets say by anything will do the [TS]

  approaching in this case the boards [TS]

  which are huge dogs a proper borzoi you [TS]

  know stands three and a half feet tall [TS]

  there there like at the at the shoulder [TS]

  you don't like God look at the size of a [TS]

  Schnauzer it's big [TS]

  they're like and they can they can run [TS]

  in bursts up to like 50 miles an hour [TS]

  and so three of these dogs would would [TS]

  would come up on a wall somewhere some [TS]

  other way more than a hundred pounds her [TS]

  massive I thought these were a little [TS]

  skinny motherfuckers don't Gibson has [TS]

  been some of some of this has been bred [TS]

  out of him get the the closest thing [TS]

  that Gibson has ever seen to a wolf is a [TS]

  is a very wolf-like squirrel but the [TS]

  real boards like my mom used to breed [TS]

  boards and she lived out in that she [TS]

  lived out in Kitsap County here in [TS]

  Washington which is basically like you [TS]

  have to take a ferry and and then you [TS]

  are living in the forest [TS]

  you're living in the trees where [TS]

  sasquatches come and and want to borrow [TS]

  a cup of sugar but she said she had [TS]

  these pores and her the queen of her [TS]

  boys I pack was a dog named anushka and [TS]

  they would drive down these long country [TS]

  roads out in the forests there and there [TS]

  was a person who had a wolf hybrid this [TS]

  is in the sixties and she said the first [TS]

  time that this when this person first [TS]

  got the wolf they turned a corner on [TS]

  this long country road still deep in the [TS]

  forest about a half a mile from this [TS]

  person's house and manisha set up in the [TS]

  back seat of the car and started howling [TS]

  and it wasn't the first time the first [TS]

  time it was the spookiest sound my mom [TS]

  said the spooky sound that she'd ever [TS]

  heard and she didn't know that the wolf [TS]

  was there yet she only found out like a [TS]

  week later that this guy hadn't owned a [TS]

  wolf now and Minister howl for like 45 [TS]

  minutes [TS]

  same as they drove just with the with [TS]

  this prehistoric knowledge that her prey [TS]

  had a in her that she had never in her [TS]

  life smell the wolf and now she smelled [TS]

  one and she knew something [TS]

  isn't that interesting is so we sit [TS]

  around wondering about crows and ravens [TS]

  talking behind our backs right but [TS]

  you're telling me that this is a dog [TS]

  that it was completely unprompted that [TS]

  duck popped up except it was a wolf [TS]

  it was a wolf and the way they wish they [TS]

  would hunt wolves is that the the three [TS]

  dogs would get on the so the wolf [TS]

  obviously is moving as fast as they can [TS]

  and these three dogs are right on its [TS]

  tail and it's kinda scary though is it [TS]

  scared the Wolfhound the wolf the wolf [TS]

  knows that the wolf found that this is [TS]

  what's coming for it you know yes the [TS]

  wolf is scared because behind the [TS]

  Wolfhound is the freaking czar and 400 [TS]

  people on horseback all carrying [TS]

  blunderbusses and it's a bad scene there [TS]

  they are blowing on trumpets like the [TS]

  wolf is was not into this from the [TS]

  beginning and then when he sees these [TS]

  Wolfhounds he knows or she knows this is [TS]

  a bad deal [TS]

  oh so the first Wolfhound is trained to [TS]

  grab the wolf's front paws like so the [TS]

  foot of the first dog gets in alongside [TS]

  of the wolf and two latches onto its [TS]

  front paws trippin it where the second [TS]

  was found then can grab onto one of the [TS]

  Wolves hind paws spinning it this is all [TS]

  happening at 40 miles an hour it's been [TS]

  really don't have to have a white board [TS]

  meeting about this they just this is [TS]

  what they do they know what their job is [TS]

  and then the third one gets the wolf by [TS]

  the neck and they hold it for the Tsar [TS]

  whoa [TS]

  and they are been meant to do it they're [TS]

  just this is how they this is why they [TS]

  live and i have one of these dogs I grew [TS]

  up with these dogs and they are bananas [TS]

  they are absolutely bonkers [TS]

  because let me that need i say there are [TS]

  these skills are not called into daily [TS]

  action right we do not I do not have a [TS]

  way to activate this power in my [TS]

  thoughts because we I'd i'm not on [TS]

  horseback [TS]

  I i do have a blunderbuss but it's not [TS]

  useful in the city [TS]

  and I you know we're not hunting wolves [TS]

  so here this dog has all these powers [TS]

  these incredible powers and it's just [TS]

  like sorry you want to go for a walk [TS]

  down to the playground and I and chase a [TS]

  tennis ball is that cool with you or is [TS]

  that and that is that gonna be enough [TS]

  today [TS]

  one time I was I was I I went through a [TS]

  phase where i was riding bicycles and [TS]

  because it was a thing that you could do [TS]

  with girls you know I mean let's go for [TS]

  a bike ride [TS]

  oh that sounds fun and then we would [TS]

  ride around Seattle which is a city of [TS]

  ten thousand hills but I took Gibson [TS]

  with this one time took him off the [TS]

  leash and it was three o'clock in the [TS]

  morning we were going on a bike ride and [TS]

  we wrote around town we probably road i [TS]

  don't know how many miles we went on [TS]

  this bike ride and Gibson ran alongside [TS]

  us absolutely as fast as we could panel [TS]

  he ran alongside us with this look on [TS]

  his face like come on are we going to [TS]

  really like kicking in now are you gonna [TS]

  kick it into gear we gotta run is this [TS]

  and he he kept having this [TS]

  disappointment like this is it right [TS]

  this is as fast as you can go [TS]

  I like your I see what you're saying so [TS]

  ege you you have really pushed him to [TS]

  his limit in the way that he's looking [TS]

  for their there it was impossible if I [TS]

  hadn't wanted to go from a canter to [TS]

  like a gallop or something like yeah he [TS]

  was just trotting alongside us as we're [TS]

  barreling down these hills with this you [TS]

  know look on his face like well this is [TS]

  fun [TS]

  this is new but also he is not is not [TS]

  being used is underused as the great [TS]

  pavement might have it and if i had if I [TS]

  had a group of people with motorcycles [TS]

  maybe we could have maybe we could have [TS]

  like given Gibson a true opportunity to [TS]

  two catches in her like uses wings [TS]

  person here anyway so so Gibson in it [TS]

  and he gets gets gets five walks a day I [TS]

  mean he is not as far as dogs go [TS]

  he's living the life of Riley but he has [TS]

  all this doggy anhui because he's [TS]

  dreaming of wolves and there are no [TS]

  wolves ik that's horrible [TS]

  well I matters let your mom your mom [TS]

  does take him out said is true of every [TS]

  dog [TS]

  yeah yeah sometimes it's easier than [TS]

  others i mean let again with the Chinese [TS]

  these apartments saying but they are [TS]

  they bred some serious lap dogs and some [TS]

  fighting dogs right and it was a little [TS]

  dogs those lap dogs are all meant to [TS]

  guard temples right their job they make [TS]

  that terrible yap yap yap sound because [TS]

  their job is to wake everybody up when [TS]

  the barbarians are at the gates you know [TS]

  there they weren't there [TS]

  I mean sure they're meant to like [TS]

  disguise your boner while you're sitting [TS]

  in a chair let's duck this it's job is [TS]

  like what a folder i got a boner hiding [TS]

  dog would be so handy [TS]

  it's got a boner Genesis they're not [TS]

  like that just then you just petting the [TS]

  dog and you're like hello welcome and [TS]

  you're petting the dog but really yeah [TS]

  it's just the dog is just watching [TS]

  you're watching the mate pick up a brush [TS]

  yeah it's just a thin sort of like [TS]

  carpet between you and the bomb but I [TS]

  feel like this is true of people to know [TS]

  person we did not evolve for 10,000 [TS]

  years so that you can be so that you can [TS]

  work in a best buy [TS]

  have you ever been to a best buy i have [TS]

  to walk through the aisles and since [TS]

  there's no dock so there's all these [TS]

  twenty-three-year-old salespeople and [TS]

  every one of them is thinking I was bred [TS]

  to chase wolves may I help you find a [TS]

  quarter-inch 28 inch adapter up and it's [TS]

  like yeah you were bred to catch wolves [TS]

  but in fact I do need you to help me [TS]

  find a quarter-inch 28 inch adapter and [TS]

  they shuffle off and they try and make a [TS]

  joke with you they try and make common [TS]

  cause with you and they're they're [TS]

  screaming behind their smiles like get [TS]

  me out of here please please i will work [TS]

  as your cabin boy i will be your slave [TS]

  do whatever it I don't care [TS]

  please just get me out of this best buy [TS]

  and you helped me feel alive get me back [TS]

  to my atavistic duck chasing nature [TS]

  that's right let me be let me be the [TS]

  person that is here you know let me be [TS]

  your assistant who just coils your [TS]

  cables and and touches 9-volt batteries [TS]

  to to his tongue to see if they have any [TS]

  charge left in them i'll be that person [TS]

  for you and I'm like I just need a [TS]

  quarter and two inch adapter dude thanks [TS]

  though [TS]

  room take it easy Sally Field your bro [TS]

  see you later bro peace out and they're [TS]

  there and I walk out the door and I am [TS]

  going out literally to hunt wolves at [TS]

  bay our lives here with you capable with [TS]

  my new cable and they are adjusting [TS]

  their name tag and they're just like you [TS]

  shouldn't that just saying they should [TS]

  really pick up the monster cables and [TS]

  you should get the replacement insurance [TS]

  you have to get hdmi you want to make [TS]

  sure you get a digital HD and you know [TS]

  what these have a lifetime guarantee [TS]

  and so you know what I have here in my [TS]

  house I have like three milk crates full [TS]

  of cables that don't work anymore that [TS]

  have a lifetime guarantee that i keep [TS]

  meaning to take down to guitar center [TS]

  and dumping on there on that you know [TS]

  the right inside the sliding door like [TS]

  some just gonna walk in and just dump [TS]

  this pile of dead cables be like [TS]

  lifetime guarantee my that's what you [TS]

  said when i bought these I want 650 [TS]

  dollars with a new cable in and they'll [TS]

  say contact the manufacturer don't get [TS]

  well you exactly that's exactly what [TS]

  those see how this is where I think cats [TS]

  are interesting and I'm not I'm not I'm [TS]

  not a big cat person but I'm not anymore [TS]

  i'm not really a big dog person I don't [TS]

  not a big person but uh so the person [TS]

  who first you have a daughter now you [TS]

  have you don't need you don't need a [TS]

  proxy daughter you have a you have an [TS]

  actual daughter yeah I married a model I [TS]

  don't need to magazine but listen i'm [TS]

  not going to say that having a pet is [TS]

  like having a child that's a terrible [TS]

  thing to say that please send your [TS]

  letters to Merlin yeah i'm using this [TS]

  John Roderick address for that now the [TS]

  cats now you ever you ever fuck with the [TS]

  cat-like with a laser pointer your you [TS]

  put a hot dog on a string on a ceiling [TS]

  fan i have fucked with cats in more ways [TS]

  than I can say there's so many ways [TS]

  because the the cats are just smart [TS]

  enough to be really we can really fuck [TS]

  with them [TS]

  have you ever put scotch tape around the [TS]

  cat's paws I have not [TS]

  what does it do well also a cat stand [TS]

  that and also a sense you know it when [TS]

  it's spreading its paws and making [TS]

  biscuits on you it's that's part of how [TS]

  it gets its scent on your right is its [TS]

  it is not part of it i didn't know that [TS]

  you had can make biscuits on you have [TS]

  many many times group but a cat stands [TS]

  by spreading its paws right it it its [TS]

  weight is it is already to find it [TS]

  this way to spread by spreading its Bob [TS]

  so if you tape a cat's paws it didn't [TS]

  and you put it down on the floor it [TS]

  dances and hops on it little stops it [TS]

  can't spread it [TS]

  told ya so don't do this don't do that [TS]

  so wrong [TS]

  terrible thing I was know if you have a [TS]

  retriever don't give it a tablespoon of [TS]

  peanut butter [TS]

  whatever you do never seen a dog in a [TS]

  tablespoon of peanut butter [TS]

  you know what's the thing that you don't [TS]

  think it's something that they do [TS]

  naturally they fill those little Kong's [TS]

  those little dog toys that yeah it's [TS]

  still them fill them with peanut butter [TS]

  to to drive dogs crazy to you know they [TS]

  think it's like all she loves it [TS]

  occupies your mind it's like that so [TS]

  yeah it's like get my whole at it [TS]

  occupies your mind but yeah it turns her [TS]

  mind into us into a hot coal but it's [TS]

  like I don't get in there are getting [TS]

  there at eight tape on my cat's-paws a [TS]

  little bit like bouncy seat if you did [TS]

  that for 200 years and kept getting the [TS]

  ones that dance funnier and funnier [TS]

  eventually would need the tape [TS]

  yeah I'm surprised the Chinese have not [TS]

  made dancing cats but it's a place in [TS]

  China where they have they have dancing [TS]

  cats that don't have told these are just [TS]

  the cats that we've seen that made it [TS]

  over here you know the Chinese are you [TS]

  know in a lot of Asia they do some [TS]

  pretty awful things [TS]

  it's a big country China Lake rolling on [TS]

  me a lot of tape [TS]

  yeah so anyway taking your cat's paws [TS]

  terrible thing to do [TS]

  yeah I had a friend i was at his house [TS]

  one time and a cat walked past him and [TS]

  he grabbed the cap it we were sitting on [TS]

  beanbag chairs [TS]

  he grabbed the cat and was holding out [TS]

  with one hand while he unzipped the [TS]

  beanbag chair with the other hand and [TS]

  threw the cabins Ida feedback turns out [TS]

  about funny and it's terrible that came [TS]

  out of the beanbag chair five minutes [TS]

  later absolutely covered with bean [TS]

  later absolutely covered with bean [TS]

  oh the styrofoam will start falling so [TS]

  John this is often like seven ways that [TS]

  was terrible but again we were like the [TS]

  time but I can't believe that we're [TS]

  talking about animal torture on this [TS]

  because it's a terrible thing and I [TS]

  don't I highly don't this brings us back [TS]

  around because i was i was 12 years old [TS]

  and I mean I didn't end up becoming a [TS]

  serial killer in other words mean I was [TS]

  just I was just watching understand [TS]

  music for steamboat willie was arranged [TS]

  by 14 Jackson and includes the song [TS]

  steamboat bill in 1911 arthur collins [TS]

  composition and turkey in the straw the [TS]

  title of the film is a parody of the [TS]

  buster keaton film steamboat bill jr. [TS]

  next paragraph well film has received [TS]

  some criticism due to humorous depiction [TS]

  of Cruelty to Animals oh I guess I guess [TS]

  that's when he Spitz picturing the back [TS]

  on Mickey Mouse what does he do makes [TS]

  the ring a bell i'm looking at one [TS]

  picture here trying to figure out what [TS]

  the whole show is it still will you [TS]

  he doesn't Steamboat Willie dance that's [TS]

  as far as I've gotten [TS]

  I you know I got to tell you something [TS]

  I'm a big fan of turkey in the straw [TS]

  that's a hell of a tune it is it in [TS]

  turkey in the straw has more melodic [TS]

  complexity and ninety-eight percent of [TS]

  modern Mexican pop music I yeah well as [TS]

  long as we're going paintballing yeah [TS]

  mymy like that i think i know that you [TS]

  talk about the kind with the really like [TS]

  over compressed trumpets that people say [TS]

  that I am i will call taqueria music and [TS]

  i think its own pop music is its German [TS]

  but it's also but it's got these awesome [TS]

  to have these awesome snare Phil's to [TS]

  that are almost like you know like the [TS]

  only good part of Scott songs is the end [TS]

  and this end the drum fills I didn't [TS]

  know there was an awesome part of scarce [TS]

  on what we're starting the problem is [TS]

  muscat songs never and they might as [TS]

  well go on forever but you know I risk [TS]

  US Consul starts like this right [TS]

  haha not just me in the bathroom that [TS]

  doesn't doesn't doesn't Bend 244 [TS]

  the dude qasim so like anyone that's [TS]

  right that's what this house is like [TS]

  it's like I hope is that these great [TS]

  little snare Phil's I know personally I [TS]

  like listening to that station [TS]

  it's a studio that's all it was over I [TS]

  like a studio a stereo soul [TS]

  it makes my wife lose her mind you know [TS]

  that some people you ever seen people [TS]

  looking really visceral reaction of [TS]

  bluegrass like I really liked bluegrass [TS]

  but people have a visible visceral [TS]

  reaction negative reaction to bluegrass [TS]

  are not like I'm he's kind of like that [TS]

  with reggae I have to be honest that's a [TS]

  good that's insane that's the craziest [TS]

  thing you've ever said or a great reggae [TS]

  music mun ja rock the fire i told him i [TS]

  raced all right but I yeah I don't need [TS]

  to hear it again [TS]

  that is amazing music and talking about [TS]

  Peter Tosh it's been polluted by the [TS]

  bros I just a whole legend legend like [TS]

  ruined everything [TS]

  Bob Marley was so cool like I had a copy [TS]

  of burn in and I had a copy of like his [TS]

  first few that good records would Peter [TS]

  Tosh when there was a good band and then [TS]

  and then like everybody in my fucking [TS]

  college had like three copies of legend [TS]

  I know I know and just went on and on [TS]

  and on [TS]

  I told you what happened to me and kind [TS]

  of business soundtrack for eating [TS]

  outside know kind of blue really [TS]

  identical to the story now it's a [TS]

  durable record i worked at the shop [TS]

  oh dear and there were there were well [TS]

  about six or seven employees and we we [TS]

  all could play our own music and listen [TS]

  to stuff and then one day one of the [TS]

  employees played a record and had above [TS]

  the word crap in it or something [TS]

  the singer said I'm not taking any more [TS]

  crap sounds like the Eagles think the [TS]

  Eagles use the word crap so watch [TS]

  introduce crap to the Eagles well [TS]

  there's plenty of crap and eagles before [TS]

  he arrived but i think he brought the [TS]

  lower to that it's made of crap can you [TS]

  not to get me started on Don Henley get [TS]

  some somehow the Eagles like just as you [TS]

  would take a just as you take a giant [TS]

  square of butter and carve an elephant [TS]

  of the butter so that it could sit in [TS]

  the middle of the buffet on a cruise [TS]

  ship was carved an elephant kind of a [TS]

  block crap you think how do you think [TS]

  that's true glenn frey old-school glenn [TS]

  frey you don't like you don't like the [TS]

  old glenn frey not my advice coming fri [TS]

  you don't like all going fri some models [TS]

  blue no don't listen [TS]

  oh can I just mention can mention your [TS]

  buddy you're going to Walsh know your [TS]

  other buddy the one you're so you're so [TS]

  gay married for is still Collins [TS]

  appeared in an episode of Miami Vice who [TS]

  I know I know the full Phil Collins [TS]

  Miami Vice connection conscious or so in [TS]

  denial but yeah but I don't like that [TS]

  stick to kill sunrise you don't want to [TS]

  California I am NOT an eagles hater I I [TS]

  you know I gotta say there's something [TS]

  not know so [TS]

  ok can I like the I like the Eagles very [TS]

  much but that they're at their heart [TS]

  it's the same problem with Clapton at [TS]

  the heart of the Eagles there is nothing [TS]

  but cocaine in vegas for in this there's [TS]

  no soul [TS]

  yeah to the Eagles i love that I love [TS]

  the music but it's not like it would [TS]

  matter you like Fleetwood Mac right I do [TS]

  because at the heart of Fleetwood Mac [TS]

  there's intense suffering it but yes [TS]

  it's cocaine and a rhythm section [TS]

  cocaine intense suffering a guy who [TS]

  could you fucking pull-offs like a [TS]

  motherfucker and some like older british [TS]

  dude yes who are looking at the back end [TS]

  of stevie nicks every night and that's [TS]

  gonna do a thing to a guy who we should [TS]

  table that 1i I gotta tell you I think [TS]

  pull-offs might be my duck [TS]

  mm really mm I like a pull-off i really [TS]

  like it could pull off he would Jimmy [TS]

  Page that they're being sloppy I like me [TS]

  a pull-off I was that anybody can hammer [TS]

  on it's like triceps vs biceps and I'm [TS]

  saying like pull offs are the triceps of [TS]

  guitar I was a guitar store the other [TS]

  day and I guys walking by a gyno and I'm [TS]

  sitting there playing guitar and as you [TS]

  walked past I'm like hey I teach me a [TS]

  lick and he's like what I'm I was just [TS]

  heading out of here and I was like I [TS]

  know you two seconds teach me lick and I [TS]

  say this two guitar players all the time [TS]

  teach me like tonight's ninety-nine [TS]

  percent of the time they're like yeah [TS]

  yeah whatever and and and they don't [TS]

  teach me a little [TS]

  and I'm and I'm always surprised at this [TS]

  like if somebody said to me teach me [TS]

  lick i do here is like crap to put her [TS]

  I'd play them something turkey in the [TS]

  straw they just cancelled out and get [TS]

  drunk [TS]

  ok no wait no that's the Arkansas some [TS]

  water was stroking strong wait wait i'm [TS]

  confused you just said that you love [TS]

  turkey knowingly but now I'm having a [TS]

  stroke and I asked you started singing [TS]

  the Arkansas traveler whatever forget [TS]

  mr. goes boom boom boom [TS]

  what's the two-part talk but it might [TS]

  happen on thumping thump thump thump [TS]

  I don't wanna wait a minute i got a lot [TS]

  of the subject ideology I'm sorry [TS]

  doesn't get around this guy stopped and [TS]

  spent 30 seconds teaching the liq [TS]

  teaching you could not just a lick [TS]

  teaching me a concept that I've been I [TS]

  I'm sitting with my guitar all day [TS]

  trying to figure this thing out [TS]

  now that's a gift you can give another [TS]

  person and it involves some involve some [TS]

  pull-offs some hammers own and suppose [TS]

  I'm not saying you're nehio offshore Don [TS]

  Felder but you know what i mean embrace [TS]

  a toddler that song you know he's fine [TS]

  but you know that I was that shape song [TS]

  sound like haircut 100 but i really like [TS]

  your little pull-off thing that I have [TS]

  no idea how you play that song live and [TS]

  sing I think it's really weird like a [TS]

  lot of things when I tried to play and I [TS]

  think I probably just sitting here and I [TS]

  think it's hard isn't that what you [TS]

  learn it must be not as hard in every [TS]

  area cycle star player [TS]

  yeah that's right once you learn it it [TS]

  just keep going to get a guitar nearby [TS]

  key player for me once you once you are [TS]

  lead singer and lead guitarist on a [TS]

  thing you learned that you're giving you [TS]

  have to give yourself a lobotomy so it [TS]

  goes it is it e ne can you hear that [TS]

  totally can start started here [TS]

  shut up different again [TS]

  that's fucking insane [TS]

  yeah well since you're like you're like [TS]

  an autograph that's amazing i'm like an [TS]

  autograph [TS]

  I know how to play that solo the [TS]

  forefinger and you know I know that when [TS]

  I learned from guitar for the practices [TS]

  that see now that that's me is like a [TS]

  hotel california you will be a little [TS]

  dirt do now [TS]

  down I used to love that you know the [TS]

  paper due date to pay duty to do baby [TS]

  duty to be a little bit [TS]

  oh you have a solo but that's a that's a [TS]

  kind of pull off it's not exactly like a [TS]

  on end of stairway to heaven [TS]

  solo pull off but it's a thing when i [TS]

  play that song if I am looking out at [TS]

  the audience and I make eye contact with [TS]

  annual then all of the music in my head [TS]

  goes away i have i have really screwed [TS]

  the pooch on that Thun a couple of times [TS]

  because i don't want to get lost [TS]

  well i'll be looking around and it's not [TS]

  a song that I can really be looking [TS]

  around but i'll be looking around and [TS]

  somehow make eye contact with a girl and [TS]

  she'll go link and i'll go haha [TS]

  and then the the ability to play the [TS]

  song leaves my hand will also i can I [TS]

  don't know anything about music but also [TS]

  the singing is very syncopated but [TS]

  you're singing a real different rhythm [TS]

  right within that thing you're you're [TS]

  you're kind of doing some kind of [TS]

  what's-his-name stanley clarke stanley [TS]

  jordan is the aluminum guitar what's his [TS]

  name is Steven guitar guy you're not [TS]

  seeing a journey it's still building [TS]

  I stanley clarke the bald one Stanley [TS]

  always because joe satriani no such [TS]

  Rihanna guitar and then the other thing [TS]

  was cats crap out cat scratch fever [TS]

  you're going to say about the plane crap [TS]

  so what was the record that they played [TS]

  when they discovered the craftsmen song [TS]

  also here's the thing yeah so somebody [TS]

  said crap in a song and and actually the [TS]

  employee who was playing the music was a [TS]

  dreadlocked gentlemen [TS]

  ok [TS]

  and so I have no reason to think that it [TS]

  wasn't fishbone that he was playing and [TS]

  and so some customer i kid you not and [TS]

  this was a this is the magazine store [TS]

  where we had magazines about a like [TS]

  naked motorcycle gangs we had magazines [TS]

  about like like a long pigs which itself [TS]

  is presently just sell grandpa it we [TS]

  sell we sold grant so we SAT with a [TS]

  tradition that was like grant a customer [TS]

  this customer complained not to the [TS]

  person with dreadlocks who was working [TS]

  at the counter but they wrote a letter [TS]

  to the manager saying your dreadlocked [TS]

  employee played a song that said the [TS]

  word crap in it and although the owner [TS]

  of the store was like your your I i [TS]

  should have said although the owner of [TS]

  the store was a West Coast liberal like [TS]

  do-gooder magazine guy and rather than [TS]

  say to the employees [TS]

  hey uh you know set a customer [TS]

  complained about the word crap and so [TS]

  you gotta not play songs that have the [TS]

  word crap in it or rather than say to [TS]

  the employees hot [TS]

  get a load of this year there's this [TS]

  letter I got from some asshole you know [TS]

  like somebody that objects to the music [TS]

  that's being played in a store like [TS]

  really fuck you actually just [TS]

  straight-up fuck you [TS]

  but instead of doing that the owner said [TS]

  okay well obviously I can't trust you [TS]

  guys to play music that doesn't have [TS]

  swear words in it so I'm going to pick [TS]

  the music from the wall but dick and [TS]

  heap it's just this is just as he had to [TS]

  be there all day [TS]

  he's the no he doesn't and he's the busy [TS]

  busy just say show a little show a [TS]

  little bit of decorum and [TS]

  responsibilities and please don't play [TS]

  stuff that's good don't playlist special [TS]

  playthings loud they're going to make it [TS]

  that's the main thing is don't play loud [TS]

  so what this guy does he he selects you [TS]

  know five CDs that are acceptable work [TS]

  because it and one of them is kind of [TS]

  blue and one of them is a Herb Alpert & [TS]

  the Tijuana brass and one of them is I [TS]

  don't know what they are there is a [TS]

  selection of of modern jazz instrumental [TS]

  music tho instrumental music and jazz [TS]

  music that's not going to hurt anybody's [TS]

  feelings even though when this music [TS]

  came out it made everyone that heard the [TS]

  record you know like it [TS]

  the it's like a coal train record that [TS]

  literally caused people to become [TS]

  junkies on the spot at the time but but [TS]

  it in the intervening 40 years it has [TS]

  become just background music for people [TS]

  think so kind of blue so anyway well let [TS]

  me tell you the story kind of blue so so [TS]

  we rotated through these 10 cds until [TS]

  eventually nobody cared anymore and then [TS]

  we didn't have a 10 CD player we just [TS]

  had one CD players had to go back and [TS]

  change change the CD when it was done [TS]

  you know what I mean [TS]

  well eventually nobody cared anymore we [TS]

  all heard all 10 of these records a [TS]

  million times we weren't authorized to [TS]

  put 11th record into the mix and kind of [TS]

  blue got put into this CD player and [TS]

  stayed there for two years and and the [TS]

  other thing about the owner was he did [TS]

  not want you to not play music you were [TS]

  supposed to have music plane and so the [TS]

  life one out of everybody that work [TS]

  there we just were like whatever kind of [TS]

  blue fine and so for basically two years [TS]

  every day I would go to work and here it [TS]

  became this it became the sound of hate [TS]

  to me like I wanted my life I wanted to [TS]

  have Miles Davis and his little like [TS]

  wiry neck in my hand and I wanted to [TS]

  hold him i wanted to hold him underwater [TS]

  until he stopped breathing [TS]

  I was so mad was the dreadlock guy a [TS]

  black man he was [TS]

  can you fuckin believe that yeah he said [TS]

  he likes of us black music let me play [TS]

  some black music that's exactly right [TS]

  here's your new black music and so I [TS]

  have I could I could sit right now and [TS]

  give you like an angry mouth trumpet [TS]

  version of every note of kind of blew [TS]

  all the way from trying to say that for [TS]

  our I should look that as a show as I [TS]

  Davis and stuff show [TS]

  should book it i should book in a club [TS]

  and just stand up there go [TS]

  that's actually pretty good now my hair [TS]

  is here but you brought out uh I think I [TS]

  trigger word security to trigger word [TS]

  because i know i'm remembering one [TS]

  reason to hate the Eagles was the one I [TS]

  was a busboy every night when we close [TS]

  the cooktop manager would put on a [TS]

  cassette of fucking the long run [TS]

  oh you just not its get spawn hits but I [TS]

  had to listen to the Greeks don't want [TS]

  no freaks every friday and saturday [TS]

  night as well as the long run as well as [TS]

  heartache tonight but there are a lot of [TS]

  better a lot of b-sides there's [TS]

  something so much heartache tonight that [TS]

  you can take it's a good song that this [TS]

  European at this point I'm good here [TS]

  heartache tonight once a year [TS]

  it's a pretty good song if a friend came [TS]

  over to your house and was like hey i [TS]

  just wrote a song that he played a song [TS]

  and it was hard tonight you'd be like [TS]

  wow good job going to great harmonies on [TS]

  it but it is not a thing you want to [TS]

  hear multiple times I don't think I [TS]

  don't think I think once a year is too [TS]

  often for me I think heartache tonight [TS]

  is a thing that you know if I'm driving [TS]

  through if I'm in a different state and [TS]

  i'm spending through the channels and [TS]

  all I'm hearing is like but like [TS]

  christian ministries so many christian [TS]

  radio shows [TS]

  yeah and then i get hard tonight also [TS]

  I'll stop and listen to it right but for [TS]

  Springsteen which change it would you [TS]

  change back to the minister's well what [TS]

  kind of bruce springsteen we're talking [TS]

  about pollutants best album is Nebraska [TS]

  you only send you a copy [TS]

  you don't know what I'm on fire and if i [TS]

  come on over come on out I hard drive [TS]

  across the country i'll stop us are you [TS]

  fucking kidding me [TS]

  ah a little baby with you and Joe yeah [TS]

  but Rosalee Rosalee it comes on you [TS]

  change the channel [TS]

  you know what let's move on John nice [TS]

  should not surprise us at all that there [TS]

  are so few docs in so many people you [TS]

  think about all these examples that [TS]

  we've given this week there are so many [TS]

  occasions where there might be a duck [TS]

  and we look the other way and then we [TS]

  sit there so you know what happened you [TS]

  know a dreadlock i SAT there he had his [TS]

  duck and then that guy brought in a [TS]

  rubber duck and made a play with it all [TS]

  day long [TS]

  how fucked up is that he put peanut [TS]

  butter in the calm [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  get out of the car that's pretty good [TS]

  couple minor [TS]