Roderick on the Line

Ep. 34: "A Shit Barge Full of Long Pigs"

 

  who is it who is me guess what I got [TS]

  what do you got [TS]

  I have now ya got worse by Bell remove [TS]

  my bow I don't have a bell i gotta go to [TS]

  keep it special [TS]

  I'm gonna like it too much but tues I'm [TS]

  here it's hard it's really hard to [TS]

  explain was extremely hard to explain to [TS]

  my daughter but I i just had to say well [TS]

  you know honey there's just sometimes [TS]

  i'm talking on the internet i really [TS]

  want to hit a fucking Val I didn't see I [TS]

  didn't say those words but I said in [TS]

  that more kind of like really ridiculous [TS]

  way you talk to a child that John I I [TS]

  you know I I've been cynical about your [TS]

  candles and bells but sometimes you just [TS]

  need to hit a goddamn Bell am i right am [TS]

  i right [TS]

  I you know I had no idea it's like I [TS]

  have a microwave you sit around go [TS]

  through way why would you want a way to [TS]

  make soup faster then you go and watch [TS]

  TV [TS]

  no sorry just something I need to order [TS]

  coffee maker to understand [TS]

  yeah and then you get a bell next to [TS]

  your computer couple times a day you [TS]

  punctuate even some triumph with it will [TS]

  try for the lowercase T ya know you [TS]

  don't punctuated a band the band other [TS]

  motorcycle or the car you punctuate you [TS]

  punctuate a lowercase T triumph with a [TS]

  little the little sound you know [TS]

  actually I don't derail this but I i [TS]

  actually i think i'm going to start a [TS]

  new stack which is going to be the [TS]

  things we don't talk about other things [TS]

  that we're going to circle back to do [TS]

  well gosh no that's a really big pilot [TS]

  you know i have actually an entire I [TS]

  don't smoke but i have an entire cigar [TS]

  box full of cards just from the show [TS]

  that i would be happy to go through with [TS]

  you at some point but now I think [TS]

  triumph is something like kiss is [TS]

  something to avoid right triumph the [TS]

  insult comic dog right now that's funny [TS]

  and that is why you don't think there's [TS]

  a gateway drug you know how you use [TS]

  experimented with man loved in the past [TS]

  I think my experiment that I never [TS]

  realized that I was an outing myself was [TS]

  what i want to make a little giggle I'm [TS]

  and make an unconscious little giggle I [TS]

  make a he sound and I realized that [TS]

  that's exactly when I found myself doing [TS]

  stuff like this and like hitting a [TS]

  coffee cup with a pencil it's a nice [TS]

  pencil but that's just not the same as [TS]

  no how low let me welcome you have [TS]

  arrived this just got where it needs to [TS]

  be now does that mean that you're not [TS]

  gonna giggle anymore he know haha I'm in [TS]

  a good mood I just ABR really really [TS]

  fast [TS]

  well yeah I have I you know I have eaten [TS]

  my usual breakfast of two chocolate chip [TS]

  cookies and a half a cup of coffee cake [TS]

  cookies [TS]

  no not big ones normal normal cookie [TS]

  sighs cookies now it's normal for you [TS]

  well let's see above other prominent [TS]

  Megan could get some proper cookie a [TS]

  proper cookie I think should be the size [TS]

  of a dollar pancake [TS]

  oh I would say that is that is a 1x [TS]

  standard size could you talk about a [TS]

  little bigger than the chips ahoy [TS]

  well no chips ahoy is it all smiles on I [TS]

  I and it's terrible and Chips Ahoy is [TS]

  like the size of a of John Lennon's [TS]

  eyeglasses limbs talk about like the air [TS]

  like 6666 friends and you know I hate to [TS]

  admit that I had these but you know [TS]

  sometimes when you're traveling and get [TS]

  out of machines which is the worst I'll [TS]

  find myself as it was when as you do you [TS]

  find yourself eating cookies out of the [TS]

  machine I'm always like what like you're [TS]

  so I'm going to shotgun Shack yeah you [TS]

  find yourself living and did you speak [TS]

  it at Talking Heads joke [TS]

  I'm afraid so my other program had a [TS]

  reference to that this is getting really [TS]

  weird i'm not going to hit the Bell [TS]

  I don't want to talk about your other [TS]

  program you know you need is [TS]

  productivity let's let's circle your [TS]

  problems your problems your productivity [TS]

  don't you doing what you love my problem [TS]

  my problem is my productivity / no [TS]

  semicolon i'm not doing what I love [TS]

  that's your problem [TS]

  that's not a problem that you remember [TS]

  over the colors cookie crunch and it was [TS]

  building i like to think of it is at [TS]

  least during my awareness of the [TS]

  phenomenon [TS]

  I i like to think that is the apex of of [TS]

  what i will call really cereal [TS]

  oh my god my cereal was cocoa pebbles [TS]

  oh my god those work those were store so [TS]

  many cocoa pebbles you can fit in a bowl [TS]

  oh great if you're doing even even if [TS]

  you were doing a captain captain crunch [TS]

  you know that's they're still there's a [TS]

  lot of holes in the character that's [TS]

  exactly right but but but [TS]

  butBut cocoa puffs it was like chunks of [TS]

  sugar and salt cocoa puffs [TS]

  yeah was not myself a lot of times [TS]

  people would get cocoa puffs yes [TS]

  like if I was staying over at a friend's [TS]

  house whatever they're like what kind of [TS]

  cereal do you want i'm like cocoa [TS]

  pebbles and then right that's like [TS]

  asking somebody for a dr. pepper and [TS]

  they give you like a sergeant human you [TS]

  know you from further argument from the [TS]

  cash-and-carry those are the worst but [TS]

  yeah so then I then they'd be cooking [TS]

  puffs and they're like I got you what [TS]

  you wanted i'm like that's a cocoa puffs [TS]

  that's not a co powerful that it you [TS]

  know it is like chunks of sugar and it's [TS]

  a gravy train remember that for dogs we [TS]

  pour hot water on it makes great for [TS]

  your dog to drop the milk chocolate milk [TS]

  and cocoa pebbles first of all it had [TS]

  been on the box was banned and flan [TS]

  Flintstones love damn but it was just [TS]

  but it was just basically a bit puffed [TS]

  rice soaked in chocolate until it could [TS]

  hold no more chocolate [TS]

  oh my god I now that i'm talking about [TS]

  it you know they don't make it anymore i [TS]

  never see it [TS]

  are you kidding me what is it because of [TS]

  the decline of the flintstones or is it [TS]

  the sugar issue must be that's enough to [TS]

  god that's a goddamn shame I i hate when [TS]

  breakfast foods go away it makes me so [TS]

  angry [TS]

  you wanna know the weirdest thing yeah [TS]

  this is the third Flintstones reference [TS]

  in the last 24 hours in your life [TS]

  yeah and the first two Flintstones [TS]

  references were both references to and [TS]

  Margaret's character [TS]

  o Muslims why did you say that you know [TS]

  what I'm saying what her head was so big [TS]

  oh and we have better hair here our you [TS]

  know her hair was the biggest of all [TS]

  hair it was the large and Margaret in [TS]

  the late seventies early eighties there [TS]

  was there was no bigger hair not god i [TS]

  want to get lost i want to lose my [TS]

  compass and fucking get lost in that [TS]

  hair and you can get you know hardly to [TS]

  get your hand out of that hair [TS]

  I don't pick haha i'm with you if you [TS]

  really feel kind of lost yourself for a [TS]

  minute and you really got in there you [TS]

  would have to chew your arm off but you [TS]

  wouldn't chew your arm off because she [TS]

  probably had a gig but oh my god and [TS]

  Margaret and market that opening I've [TS]

  never seen bye birdie but I've watched [TS]

  the opening credit thing out a lot [TS]

  well and Margaret him in Tommy oh yeah [TS]

  perhaps the hardest of all things out [TS]

  right okay i'll check [TS]

  out yeah i was gonna watch tommy [TS]

  recently now I i was as you know like I [TS]

  think like you [TS]

  yes I know like you I had a weird phase [TS]

  and 10th grade when I was really [TS]

  transitioning and like a lot of very [TS]

  very different [TS]

  well bye-bye white middle-class suburban [TS]

  standards really really different weird [TS]

  rock music I mean I like black sabbath [TS]

  and the who and I was starting to get [TS]

  into like the thick sliced i really like [TS]

  the starting to like get a new wave and [TS]

  split the fix was amazing [TS]

  they were at their underrated that is [TS]

  underrated as missing persons but [TS]

  definitely up there mm agree on but i [TS]

  was so my friends and I used to wear [TS]

  knee pads to school so that we could [TS]

  slide slide down the hallways on our [TS]

  knees like three times and you're just [TS]

  loving softballs at me is that what they [TS]

  are haha i had a members-only jacket [TS]

  right I'm done [TS]

  epaulettes because I once seen a picture [TS]

  of an epaulette unattached details about [TS]

  you i'm back then that's when you still [TS]

  trying to make his hair do something [TS]

  with the fingers of be towns in the [TS]

  eighties was like 35 he's still like all [TS]

  the young guys still trying to like get [TS]

  hit with the times he'll it was like [TS]

  somebody shot a very young marmot out of [TS]

  a cannon and it happened to land on his [TS]

  head me play guitar [TS]

  yeah yeah it was sort of a flock of [TS]

  seagulls but Punk turn your you know I [TS]

  think it's hard was there you know you [TS]

  remember when everybody had their salvos [TS]

  to make like a disco record and this is [TS]

  very well-documented tons of bands that [TS]

  then felt the need to respond to new [TS]

  wave including you get your billy joel's [TS]

  you know you got all of your concert [TS]

  Billy Joel you you tell me glasshouses [TS]

  was not his attempt to do a white album [TS]

  I can't have I can't talk about Billy [TS]

  Joel chef within the card I despise [TS]

  Billy Joel was such a it was such a [TS]

  white-hot fury you understand this isn't [TS]

  on a molecular level [TS]

  yes absolutely everything about him [TS]

  every word every syllable every business [TS]

  is puffy faces and um you know East [TS]

  Coast working man horse shit i just got [TS]

  none of it like a true through his i [TS]

  hope i can tell you the truth is he's [TS]

  the one thing I don't have that problem [TS]

  with Billy Joel like I have with phil [TS]

  collins what my god Phil Collins is a [TS]

  saint [TS]

  he was good in Genesis and [TS]

  but now this is failing guess what the [TS]

  third part now we've got a third car huh [TS]

  you know you don't always got me is as I [TS]

  got a little bit older and i started i [TS]

  started understand it like pictures of [TS]

  pretty ladies and magazines [TS]

  somebody get like lit them to make them [TS]

  look good now they didn't look good and [TS]

  then I started to realize that every [TS]

  time you saw a professional photograph [TS]

  of something like a lot of trouble had [TS]

  gone into it and out of its 52nd street [TS]

  and one of them but i hate the fucking [TS]

  loose tie the little high component [TS]

  photo [TS]

  yes so douchey when I don't we use more [TS]

  loose skinny top get the skinny knit [TS]

  loose too skitty knit loose tie bad bad [TS]

  bad bad bad now if you have a if you're [TS]

  wearing a butt like a like a like an [TS]

  adult man's tie [TS]

  yeah and it's and you've loosened it [TS]

  because you're really getting you're [TS]

  really getting down to the nitty-gritty [TS]

  yeah you need to loosen your tie [TS]

  that's one thing but yeah like getting [TS]

  dressed in the morning and putting your [TS]

  tie on the loose all man thats a paddlin [TS]

  I i totally agree told you know what [TS]

  that is that's a Billy Joel move around [TS]

  totally fucking Billy Joel move and then [TS]

  he's like standing outside the busy [TS]

  holding a trumpet right [TS]

  ok might be holding an instrument i live [TS]

  in a cello but he's out there is no [TS]

  don't mind me I'm just standing on the [TS]

  streets near my fucking tie and you know [TS]

  what he's probably gotten that he's [TS]

  probably at the the sleeves of his suit [TS]

  jacket you know like stopping by my [TS]

  second least favorite sleep Eric right I [TS]

  accidentally did this yesterday I i hate [TS]

  the folding up you know that's good in [TS]

  this exactly one person John ham on mad [TS]

  men let's go with this everybody else [TS]

  you'll be the biggest cock in the world [TS]

  you got your sweater you get your long [TS]

  sleeve shirt unbuttoned the buttons your [TS]

  long sleeve shirt i can see I'm doing I [TS]

  have that common right now and I'm [TS]

  folding up the sleeve starting with the [TS]

  cuffs unfolding oh my god i already [TS]

  fucking hate myself for doing it over [TS]

  the small over this sweater and then you [TS]

  make it look real tidy mm and what you [TS]

  think Jon Hamm can pull that off [TS]

  we should see a very slender man he's a [TS]

  handsome guys obviously i wouldn't say [TS]

  slender he's a powerfully-built human [TS]

  he's kind of my TV Clooney I really like [TS]

  that guy is that you know and you know [TS]

  what he's a nice guy too [TS]

  well I know he's very very funny that [TS]

  the zach galifianakis between two fern [TS]

  think some of the things that he's done [TS]

  on the self-effacing things he's done [TS]

  she makes me understand that if I were [TS]

  more handsome i would be able to be a [TS]

  lot more funny and adaptive isn't just [TS]

  an excuse i'm making excuses all right [TS]

  well I mean it's something i think where [TS]

  he feels uh no I'm not going to speak [TS]

  here for Jon Hamm no but i imagine uh [TS]

  but based on my encounters with him [TS]

  what oh yeah isn't you know if you if [TS]

  you go look up the place if you go to [TS]

  get the Playboy interview with jon hamm [TS]

  yeah in the opening paragraph the writer [TS]

  says I'm interviewing Jon Hamm and John [TS]

  Roderick and john hodgman and aimee mann [TS]

  are sitting across from us and send that [TS]

  and they come over and they don't they [TS]

  don't even publish plane when I just not [TS]

  a bad bitch I I swear to you [TS]

  youryour mentioned in something in [TS]

  fucking playboy or somebody's in a room [TS]

  with Jon Hamm and you were near him [TS]

  that's right i know that you know what [TS]

  I'm gonna come right out and say it [TS]

  I know John hand not in the biblical [TS]

  sense because you're not a religious man [TS]

  that's right not in the biblical to [TS]

  shake his hand [TS]

  i I'm saying that I know him as he have [TS]

  a relaxing humor he doesn't have here [TS]

  here's what I'm gonna here's what i'm [TS]

  saying i'm not speaking for him but i [TS]

  imagine from interacting with him that [TS]

  his handsomeness is somewhat of a burden [TS]

  for him in pursuing what he truly loves [TS]

  which is a comedy [TS]

  I don't have a great he has a gift i [TS]

  don't what he wasn't like officially [TS]

  like a groundling or something was he [TS]

  but he does lots of stuff with comedy [TS]

  groups and he fits right in and relax it [TS]

  is a fair number [TS]

  he did yeah I'm started talking to a [TS]

  comedy because if he was an uglier guy [TS]

  would be a better comedian are you [TS]

  saying like if he was 18 he was named [TS]

  Eugene Mirman or a patton oswalt exactly [TS]

  how those guys are handsome guy was [TS]

  there talking characters is the thing up [TS]

  I you know I would like to talk more [TS]

  about this video just get super weird [TS]

  when you go back to it okay what do you [TS]

  think we're circle back to okc like a [TS]

  triumph kiss phil collins and Billy Joel [TS]

  but still Collins I'm gonna I'm gonna [TS]

  even go i'm gonna go so far as to say no [TS]

  jacket required is a classic album you [TS]

  want me to make more cards you make as [TS]

  many cards you want you make to make two [TS]

  cards one that says fill the other says [TS]

  colin understand the one that put a son [TS]

  the internet i got the I got the [TS]

  rudimentary editing tools i understand [TS]

  their Collins is required journey [TS]

  Billy Joel hi I'm John Roderick um so [TS]

  we're talking about John I want to talk [TS]

  about the circle back to jon hamm yeah [TS]

  sure and that's with two M's i'm going [TS]

  to put him in a different pile you [TS]

  probably struggle with this John you're [TS]

  very good looking your very charismatic [TS]

  and I have to imagine that times you say [TS]

  you say stop don't stop staring at my [TS]

  tits and listen to my song about the [TS]

  Space Shuttle you encounter problems we [TS]

  have trouble keeping people's focus on [TS]

  on the way you helped him I i think that [TS]

  my inner ugliness suffice 'as are you [TS]

  like you're like the Emperor the more [TS]

  you use that dark side of the force that [TS]

  more wrinkly get yes exactly exactly [TS]

  well the more wrinkled the portrait of [TS]

  me and my advocates that's true that's [TS]

  true i think a lot of people [TS]

  misunderstand that analogy [TS]

  yeah I think I you know I walk around [TS]

  walk around a unconscious [TS]

  that's right and that was the nineties [TS]

  respect and so I'm not aware of people [TS]

  really a like undressing me with their I [TS]

  that's how you know you're truly [TS]

  handsome right when you're elle [TS]

  macpherson and you can just you can just [TS]

  go where some some some sweatpants a [TS]

  juicy on the backing in you go to when [TS]

  you buy some stuff or whatever no matter [TS]

  how hot that would be if she didn't [TS]

  copenhagen there's just tell McPherson [TS]

  and some juicy sweatpants and just her [TS]

  hair in a bomb yes I'm some copenhagen [TS]

  yeah the best part of the official could [TS]

  spit really well because most girls [TS]

  can't spit you ever notice that we have [TS]

  I ever notice that I have right there [TS]

  was a while they're in the eighties [TS]

  where I ran up like a clinic teaching [TS]

  girls out of spit [TS]

  it's useless though no no I mean you can [TS]

  you if you if you see if you walk them [TS]

  all the way through the process like [TS]

  here's what you're trying to accomplish [TS]

  you're not it's not a thing where it's [TS]

  not doesn't happen from the lips it [TS]

  happens from the back of the tongue [TS]

  stretches and deeper place [TS]

  yeah and you're trying to what you're [TS]

  trying to do is you're trying to launch [TS]

  this goober [TS]

  and will you know with the idea that it [TS]

  that it has a life of its own now it's [TS]

  not not just sending air out with some [TS]

  money it's not wet air now if you love [TS]

  you love you gotta set free [TS]

  yeah that's right you know it's not just [TS]

  a spray of whether you are trying to [TS]

  create a new thing [TS]

  oh it's like it's almost like giving [TS]

  birth cannot risk going a little bit [TS]

  ping-pong for a minute [TS]

  one problem let's continue but i think [TS]

  one problem with with people learning to [TS]

  throw especially girls because they [TS]

  don't understand when to let go of the [TS]

  ball [TS]

  oh right so I mean I decided in trouble [TS]

  with girls I was not geometric in my [TS]

  studies but i think that around the [TS]

  45-degree angle you want to let go [TS]

  because you let go too early it goes up [TS]

  in the air you get to too late it goes [TS]

  down there's a whole lot of ways i think [TS]

  with a loogie you need to think of 45 [TS]

  and and on top of that I think you're [TS]

  straight onto the point which is that [TS]

  they don't really want to spit and if [TS]

  you don't really want to spit you're [TS]

  never going to get any good trajectory [TS]

  us we own that get behind that shift [TS]

  positions the thing about my lucky [TS]

  clinic was that the girls that the [TS]

  signed up for it all [TS]

  we truly did want to spit it wasn't just [TS]

  to be with you it wasn't a thing where [TS]

  we're standing around a campfire and the [TS]

  girls like yeah and I go hey let me help [TS]

  you out [TS]

  it's a thing where they would contact me [TS]

  and they would say I understand that you [TS]

  can teach girls to spirit and i would [TS]

  say yeah if you are ready uh-huh i was [TS]

  like it like a night class that like a [TS]

  community college [TS]

  well I was it was Alaska so it was the [TS]

  Midnight Sun so there's no there's no [TS]

  night [TS]

  oh right technically no night you know [TS]

  people settle people it would be what [TS]

  you would call night here in them in [TS]

  America but in Alaska it's like the [TS]

  school son is in the sky you sound like [TS]

  a native american in a commercial up [TS]

  midnight which you can all dark but my [TS]

  people call it maize i think the first [TS]

  thing yet first steps here you have to [TS]

  teach them that the loogies not to be [TS]

  part of you anymore as you say i just [TS]

  wanna know about wanting it you know [TS]

  pushing out a baby you need to move on [TS]

  with your life you want to let the [TS]

  loogie go but the very first thing like [TS]

  rudimentary is like how not to spit on [TS]

  yourself waiting means it's like judo [TS]

  for the mistake that people make is that [TS]

  they think that spitting involves person [TS]

  the lips I think your baby analogy is [TS]

  perfect when you're giving birth to a [TS]

  baby you know [TS]

  first the lips opposite feminine you [TS]

  want to open and let the baby be free [TS]

  and the lips [TS]

  although your mouth lips are the same [TS]

  right you want to create a loogie shaped [TS]

  hole in your mouth a loogie shaped app [TS]

  you know a paternity and then let the [TS]

  looky-look then let the loogie like the [TS]

  fighter in the original Battlestar [TS]

  Galactica let that loogie make its way [TS]

  down the launch [TS]

  it's a lot like a baby John the more I [TS]

  think about it the more I'm realizing [TS]

  you know so that we can get the thing up [TS]

  its kind of braxton-hicks contraction [TS]

  you know something's coming and then you [TS]

  gotta start getting ready and like [TS]

  singing like I don't know how to sing [TS]

  and and but i know that when you learn [TS]

  how to sing you learn that doesn't come [TS]

  out of your mouth it doesn't come out [TS]

  your throat come from somewhere much [TS]

  deeper tonight if i understand correctly [TS]

  you're saying it in a sense that it is [TS]

  like having a baby it has to start much [TS]

  earlier in a different place [TS]

  exactly and I really feel like the mean [TS]

  when my baby was being born I was there [TS]

  in the hospital and I was saying good [TS]

  for you [TS]

  battlestar galactica launch sequence [TS]

  battlestar galactica launch sequence and [TS]

  it really helped everybody [TS]

  the doctor just turns to a very quietly [TS]

  says I work alone you know you know [TS]

  women who are having a baby love is [TS]

  advice [TS]

  oh wow don't they well nothing is I I [TS]

  mean out if there was ever a time when a [TS]

  woman needs advice from the man its been [TS]

  she's having a baby could actually such [TS]

  a faggot just have a baby that's what [TS]

  guys are for rights were there to [TS]

  provide some hard want advice right one [TS]

  you know and the thing is as always John [TS]

  if I could say you're giving the gift of [TS]

  context you help your helping people [TS]

  understand i don't want to say what's [TS]

  wrong with them but in some sense you're [TS]

  helping them understand what's wrong [TS]

  with them in terms of what they're not [TS]

  doing correctly because you have [TS]

  perspective that if you were pregnant [TS]

  and having a baby you might not even [TS]

  have much perspective that might that [TS]

  might that my poison your well if that's [TS]

  exactly right you're too close to it you [TS]

  can listen to it [TS]

  the problem with a pregnant woman is [TS]

  that he has a baby in her right [TS]

  yeah and through that this is the [TS]

  problem and we resolve this problem [TS]

  yes get the baby out right that's [TS]

  fastest way you can [TS]

  yeah and from the perspective of a [TS]

  pregnant woman that might not be [TS]

  entirely obvious i mean obviously she [TS]

  wants to get the baby out [TS]

  she doesn't see how simple a simple 121 [TS]

  like she said she wants to get the baby [TS]

  out but she probably likes getting a [TS]

  seat on the bus [TS]

  see see you now you're getting close now [TS]

  you're getting closer you could not what [TS]

  you think about the stories of ladies [TS]

  you don't find out the pregnancy the [TS]

  baby comes out doesn't that seem a [TS]

  little hard to believe we heard these [TS]

  stories [TS]

  yeah I have lady gets a little heavy [TS]

  doesn't have a period for eight months [TS]

  and then she goes wide [TS]

  am I my life I have learned that no [TS]

  story involving a woman is too [TS]

  far-fetched [TS]

  ok anyway hit their words or you were [TS]

  shedding listeners now if only we could [TS]

  John that's the problem we don't the [TS]

  problem it's an opportunity to take mom [TS]

  is yeah the cereal now I I the serial [TS]

  thing I keep thinking I'm gonna like it [TS]

  i just don't like that kind of sugar as [TS]

  much as i used to i will have a cookie [TS]

  sometimes I I first of all I'm not to be [TS]

  honest I'm not all i remember want to [TS]

  circle back to write things down coffee [TS]

  um I can't eat a lot of sweet stuff in [TS]

  the morning and into begin with as you [TS]

  know from from our experiences with them [TS]

  some unsavory man [TS]

  yeah you too idea to steak every morning [TS]

  if I could smoke up the house but i [TS]

  would i would be just like the for my [TS]

  family rose i will have eaten ribeye [TS]

  that's what I mean mymy thing too i will [TS]

  i will eat spicy pork for breakfast all [TS]

  the time if if i can get it and and I [TS]

  hate the normal breakfast like I do not [TS]

  like french toast [TS]

  I do not like most of the kind of sugar [TS]

  sweet breakfast things but i also don't [TS]

  like to wake up in the morning and start [TS]

  making dimsum right away you know it's a [TS]

  lot of work you gotta get dough [TS]

  yeah i mean the desert and this is a [TS]

  line around [TS]

  yes and I just I need a little i need [TS]

  something I need something to pick up [TS]

  the coffee show you a couple John i [TS]

  gotta tell you i run into this problem [TS]

  constantly and it's why just in the few [TS]

  minutes we have we had a we agreed as we [TS]

  like we I think we have that the power [TS]

  suddenly into which is to agree on a [TS]

  time to do the podcast and then we [TS]

  alternately add 15 minutes to it for two [TS]

  hours and it's working for both of us [TS]

  right [TS]

  we say okay eleven o'clock and then you [TS]

  go and then 11 fading and then I go [TS]

  let's say 1130 and I can happen get [TS]

  happier every time delay because [TS]

  it's just that sometimes it will be two [TS]

  o'clock in the afternoon was to like 15 [TS]

  more minutes like working your urethra [TS]

  yeah and and so my problem is my [TS]

  neighborhood is full of food well I [TS]

  think what you're getting at also the [TS]

  breakfast or dessert you through what [TS]

  are you know you were going to slip that [TS]

  by me well when you're sober [TS]

  beyond that the thing you know it's like [TS]

  a poop joke as I tell my daughter you [TS]

  got it you got to keep the poop jokes [TS]

  dry because you doing too much you know [TS]

  then you just like the guy who does the [TS]

  poop joke I don't become Bell guy [TS]

  oh no you don't want to bail guy and you [TS]

  don't want to be the poop think about [TS]

  the battle is you have to forget the [TS]

  bells there i was like meditation [TS]

  yeah you forget the Bell is there and [TS]

  then you say something and you're like [TS]

  God I wish I had a bell holy shit i have [TS]

  a bell [TS]

  I'm moving it I'm moving it four inches [TS]

  to the right and slightly out of my [TS]

  field of vision I'm gonna put it behind [TS]

  this thing of home cleanser and I'm like [TS]

  it's like a headlamp for instance i have [TS]

  I i have a variety of headlamp your [TS]

  house and they are not collected on one [TS]

  shelf gonna round case the lights go out [TS]

  at the idea its lights go out and the [TS]

  thing is if you hang on doorknobs if you [TS]

  hang like a headlamp on doorknobs around [TS]

  your house you forget they're there but [TS]

  then the lights go away you just stop [TS]

  seeing them so to speak exactly the [TS]

  lights go out you reach for a doorknob [TS]

  there's a headlamp also lets light [TS]

  switches you have one light switch for [TS]

  your house right [TS]

  you need a little you need to help but [TS]

  I'm you never know now what about what [TS]

  about the weapons you have weapons you [TS]

  know what we should get into it I bet [TS]

  you got weapons you get your vault but [TS]

  then you got him in different places to [TS]

  right here's the thing you can Navy [TS]

  SEALs or or an associated group decided [TS]

  to cut the power to my house in advance [TS]

  of coming into the wind and water no [TS]

  matter where I am [TS]

  no matter where i am at that moment i'm [TS]

  going to have access to a headlamp a [TS]

  defensive weapon sources sources clients [TS]

  get two cookies a headlamp and a Glock [TS]

  now [TS]

  indeed you do that thing where you hit [TS]

  the floor and roll now man your age [TS]

  you're gonna need you probably should [TS]

  warm up before you do that you [TS]

  definitely hit the floor but you also [TS]

  have to look around your house and see [TS]

  this is something i recommend everybody [TS]

  yeah look around your house and see [TS]

  where the the defensive positions are [TS]

  like where where are the corners that [TS]

  you're going to wear the corners where [TS]

  you're going to get trapped and where [TS]

  the corners where you're gonna be able [TS]

  to make a stand right you you want a [TS]

  place where you can fit the barrel of a [TS]

  rifle through it but you want to don't [TS]

  be so big that people can see your scope [TS]

  yeah i mean you want to be able you want [TS]

  to do you want to be able to defend the [TS]

  position and so you want to write [TS]

  amazing high ground [TS]

  how do you do that thing like you doing [TS]

  beretta we're not all the glass out the [TS]

  window and it wasn't making a circle [TS]

  with the gun know that rookie thing is a [TS]

  tricky thing that's down here that [TS]

  that's like some kind of its like it's [TS]

  the thirties gangster thing where you're [TS]

  like trying to hold the cops off or [TS]

  something or dirt cowboy thing our stuff [TS]

  without respect are you saying that all [TS]

  30 gangsters things are are ineffective [TS]

  no I think you know frankly if I will if [TS]

  I were going around the world on a yacht [TS]

  city if I'm not a super yeah i was going [TS]

  around the world of his standard a [TS]

  standard yeah well no I here's the thing [TS]

  about a yacht [TS]

  did you know that that that the John [TS]

  Wayne reconditioned a navy like [TS]

  destroyer as a as a as his personal yeah [TS]

  i did not and that is fucking awesome [TS]

  he he got you gotta like-a it was like [TS]

  it was a minesweeper something like a [TS]

  navy warship and had it remade as his [TS]

  yacht and the thing the thing about [TS]

  going around the world on a yacht [TS]

  if you're going to do such a thing is [TS]

  that the smart move is to not have it [TS]

  look like a fancy yacht camouflage it as [TS]

  a ocean-going tug boat and then you can [TS]

  go to these places like the Strait of [TS]

  Malacca where where pirates rule and [TS]

  they do not think that you are Paul [TS]

  Allen and in the octopus they think that [TS]

  you are just a seafaring Seto if you're [TS]

  a dick if your wheelhouse is unlike the [TS]

  fourth floor of the boat and you're [TS]

  dressed up like Commodore Schmidlapp [TS]

  that's going to send a signal if you've [TS]

  got a beard and there's literally stock [TS]

  options all over the boat right now [TS]

  you're in trouble but that's going to [TS]

  arouse the interest of a pirate [TS]

  if I were going around the world say for [TS]

  instance on my ocean-going seat ugh [TS]

  that is actually a yacht disguised as a [TS]

  as a seat ugh i would definitely have [TS]

  some nineteen-thirties style Thompson 45 [TS]

  caliber submachine guns that's the only [TS]

  put a little disk bullets on actually [TS]

  let's make a film canister exactly and [TS]

  here's why because that is that gun [TS]

  internationally communicates that you [TS]

  are our gangster that gun says that you [TS]

  mean business more than an m16 more than [TS]

  an ak-47 if you have a Thompson [TS]

  submachine gun let's say you're on your [TS]

  seat ugh and you're going through the [TS]

  Straits of Malacca and some pirates [TS]

  started assaulting your yacht right here [TS]

  come the Pirates and you're driving [TS]

  through the night you see them on the [TS]

  radar there they don't have any lights [TS]

  on their boats and they're coming [TS]

  they're coming at you they're gonna [TS]

  they're going to jump on your boat [TS]

  they're going to take it over and then [TS]

  you just boom you put on all the [TS]

  spotlights and you and your and your [TS]

  crew are standing on the back your boat [TS]

  with Thompson submachine guns and you're [TS]

  wearing suits and fedoras no pirate [TS]

  would ever make a statically just see [TS]

  the outline of the Thompson 45 caliber [TS]

  submachine gun he all you see is the [TS]

  shadow of that and you know businesses [TS]

  meant that's right you're like oh bring [TS]

  relief knowing Seto you got a 45 or [TS]

  something well it's gonna be a big gun [TS]

  that goes pop but you see somebody with [TS]

  one of those things with the film [TS]

  canister on it you're going to really [TS]

  rethink the whole piracy situation i'm [TS]

  gonna leave a lot of Malacca is that [TS]

  what it's called The Straits of Malacca [TS]

  Straits of Malacca ok it's hard to [TS]

  navigate in a seagoing tug no no they're [TS]

  quite easy to to navigate but uh but [TS]

  it's a it's a it's one of these places [TS]

  in the world where all the boats have to [TS]

  go because it's the it's the only way [TS]

  through the Brian like DMV it's like you [TS]

  leave Singapore and you have to go [TS]

  through this you have to go through this [TS]

  narrow strait on your way to the indian [TS]

  ocean and it's kind of late it's like [TS]

  the Panama Canal except it's a natural [TS]

  waterways [TS]

  oh it's like it's the Golden Gate like [TS]

  this the only way through is that [TS]

  exact so all the boats have to go [TS]

  through this place and the Pirates that [TS]

  live the Indonesian pirates or the [TS]

  Malaysian pirates I think they're [TS]

  probably Malaysians ok dad would run [TS]

  into the rocker well maybe they might be [TS]

  indonesian stew in fact i ventured there [TS]

  are Indonesian and Malaysian pirates [TS]

  working they got started a lot of that [TS]

  to bangalore now but but they they wait [TS]

  there in the night and you you run your [TS]

  boat through there and then a and you [TS]

  are you are to use a landlubber term [TS]

  like a sitting duck [TS]

  well if you are not if you are not ever [TS]

  vigilant [TS]

  ok there are great there are some great [TS]

  stories of people in big boats where [TS]

  they're looking at the another watching [TS]

  the radar and they see that this [TS]

  flotilla of pirate [TS]

  I you know like this ragtag fugitive [TS]

  fleet of pirate boats are coming out of [TS]

  the night and they see him on the radar [TS]

  and they like gunned it and the Pirates [TS]

  chase them and it's like you can't see [TS]

  the pirate ships because there there [TS]

  there it's all dark but they're running [TS]

  from these little dots on their radar [TS]

  screen and sometimes they sometimes they [TS]

  outrun the Pirates sometimes they don't [TS]

  what you want like some kind of rush [TS]

  hour or rush out of style like like [TS]

  depth little depth charges which you [TS]

  want to have some kind of bombs that you [TS]

  could you leave behind a little present [TS]

  for those guys is that even a good [TS]

  defensive tactic is if you can assume [TS]

  they're going to make a straight line [TS]

  toward your boat quickly I i think i [TS]

  think that you there's there's too great [TS]

  a risk that you're putting depth charges [TS]

  out there putting mines in the water and [TS]

  the pirates are going to miss him and [TS]

  then the next person you know then looks [TS]

  like a boat full of orphans comes along [TS]

  and hits the month [TS]

  yeah for me personally since I i [TS]

  thrilled to the to the battle i would I [TS]

  i think the Thompson submachine guns and [TS]

  then maybe a box of grenades how that [TS]

  gives you flexibility in your hand and [TS]

  you you're a man who if I could say your [TS]

  man who prefers personal war for you [TS]

  don't like this pussy should have hit [TS]

  people with the screen you like the idea [TS]

  of seeing have seen the grenade [TS]

  literally blow them apart right so as [TS]

  the boat comes because they're the thing [TS]

  about a pirate is he had his boat has to [TS]

  touch your boat at some point right [TS]

  right the pirate getting 10 feet from [TS]

  your boat is no good for a pirate he has [TS]

  to get his boat touch [TS]

  your boat so he can make the leap right [TS]

  yes and at that point if you're hiding [TS]

  over the gunwale with your Thompson [TS]

  submachine gun and you lob a grenade [TS]

  into his boat you can you can throw a [TS]

  grenade 10 feet and he's 10 feet away [TS]

  and he's like totally 10 more feet and [TS]

  you're like ha grenade boom right and [TS]

  then haha that now tell me that that [TS]

  isn't preferable to like oh I'm throwing [TS]

  a mine in the water and all who but [TS]

  worst of all you may not know if he even [TS]

  hit your target let alone the orphans [TS]

  could have been working this is why I [TS]

  don't like modern fighter pilot [TS]

  technologies that we yes absolutely [TS]

  these guys are shooting missiles at [TS]

  planes over the horizon middle you might [TS]

  have said it was it was a pussy move for [TS]

  you may send another word for something [TS]

  a little bit of a pussy move and I feel [TS]

  that way about about drone driving that [TS]

  was some trance I think I'm gonna kill [TS]

  somebody I really feel like you have to [TS]

  be at least proximate to that person [TS]

  it's just that it's what a gentleman [TS]

  would do that's exactly [TS]

  okay i have several questions here I was [TS]

  gonna ask you I'm a silly question I [TS]

  asked you [TS]

  no no no why would you not ask me this [TS]

  like what if everyone followed the [TS]

  Pirates are clowns and they use the [TS]

  pirate cannon to shoot lousy and you put [TS]

  you to climb out of a cannon rights and [TS]

  cannons that's ok all you have to do [TS]

  then is rigged up netting around your [TS]

  boat catch the clown's you kiss me [TS]

  defensive class she just maybe you need [TS]

  you need some you need circus wedding [TS]

  and defensive clouds look at the edge of [TS]

  the top on your tell you what you want [TS]

  to do you buy you buy one disease got [TS]

  your tongue he's got his your John Wayne [TS]

  superyacht as a circus because everybody [TS]

  loved circuses he's going to attack a [TS]

  circus that no money who goes the circus [TS]

  there's my other question I have several [TS]

  questions and I did you say you're [TS]

  drinking coffee again [TS]

  yeah i went back on coffee good I mean I [TS]

  assume that how's that how's it working [TS]

  well you know it's it's fun to go home [TS]

  by all my friends who have learned not [TS]

  to be enables about drugs to me who are [TS]

  like why don't you smoke dope [TS]

  why don't you do bath salts with me you [TS]

  can have a little beer [TS]

  yeah they're not everybody's really good [TS]

  about that but God when I stopped [TS]

  drinking coffee it struck at the heart [TS]

  of every friend i have people or people [TS]

  were genuinely saying things to me like [TS]

  that's the stupidest thing I've ever [TS]

  heard [TS]

  it's like Scientology they're saying you [TS]

  get your the mob i guess more really [TS]

  more Scientology but like you don't [TS]

  believe this [TS]

  what are you doing sitting down yes [TS]

  that's right that's right you don't [TS]

  leave this exactly [TS]

  no I know so I got back on coffee in it [TS]

  and it's great i mean it's a wonderful [TS]

  drug and I i love it i'd i enjoy it i'm [TS]

  trying to moderate it a little bit and [TS]

  not drink like 30 cups a day [TS]

  well it'sit's I'm the wrong person to [TS]

  make this kind of observation about you [TS]

  but it seems like you had become [TS]

  something that you were doing a lot of [TS]

  making it seem like you there was always [TS]

  a pot of coffee being made and here i [TS]

  thought i know i mean you know I I this [TS]

  is not this is not my job it you know i [TS]

  just i'm here to audit you basically I [TS]

  want to find out what some of your [TS]

  weaknesses are and find out what how [TS]

  much money i can get up to put you on [TS]

  this electronic machine that doesn't [TS]

  actually do anything haha but you know [TS]

  they got this you got on muni you going [TS]

  on the Black Pearl Street Station I [TS]

  don't know how they're allowed to do [TS]

  this unless there's a conspiracy which [TS]

  there probably is [TS]

  yeah but you know those people down [TS]

  there and it says you see something like [TS]

  normal people [TS]

  the tongue people he says free stress [TS]

  test you're seeing this oh my god it's [TS]

  something that's a Scientology thing [TS]

  right so it's totally fine until you see [TS]

  Molly 640 yeah you know those dead dark [TS]

  doll eyes and they're sitting there and [TS]

  get a lot of really friendly-looking [TS]

  sign that says free stress test you know [TS]

  which is you know it's it's like it's [TS]

  like an existential free estimate like [TS]

  no matter what you're going to meet some [TS]

  shit change your like you know what [TS]

  you're going to need a timing belt [TS]

  that's just gonna happen [TS]

  do you remember when there were hardened [TS]

  criminals and the airport's very much [TS]

  what happened to them I can't speak for [TS]

  other airports i can tell you where they [TS]

  are at our Airport [TS]

  oh there are there still at your airport [TS]

  well that's San Francisco know what do [TS]

  you hear will San Francisco see it would [TS]

  be if San Francisco which is fucked up [TS]

  in one way we would be fine again it's [TS]

  like these people it's like it's like [TS]

  the bike guys running a stop sign is 14 [TS]

  people do it that you get a crash in san [TS]

  francisco is is fucked up in so many on [TS]

  the paradox of contradictory ways [TS]

  mhm and so i can't speak only lived here [TS]

  for 13 years I can't begin to understand [TS]

  the stupid but but what I will tell you [TS]

  is this and I am kind of surprised you [TS]

  haven't seen that you'll see this [TS]

  indefinitely in terminal 3 in the united [TS]

  terminal you're walking around you're [TS]

  battling [TS]

  united that's why oh good man oh you [TS]

  know what I'm gonna circle back to that [TS]

  I gotta go let's say about airlines [TS]

  don't know kind of baking out to get me [TS]

  started on usair ok [TS]

  oh my god Julie I'm flying USO tomorrow [TS]

  oh my gosh don't tell me I don't want to [TS]

  know about iĆ­ve grade to first class [TS]

  once and it was like being in a portal [TS]

  it with Thomas's i'm flying on a good [TS]

  way I'm flying to New York I'm fine from [TS]

  New York to Seattle from Seattle to New [TS]

  York i bought the ticket yesterday i saw [TS]

  this on your internet you behind 90 [TS]

  bucks don't know you know John I I know [TS]

  about your you've been you've been to [TS]

  college and stuff you finish but you you [TS]

  should make sure that's a real ticket [TS]

  you might have you might have bought I [TS]

  don't know you might about that for like [TS]

  a magician or something that sounds very [TS]

  inexpensive my feeling about it though [TS]

  is that I having flown every airline and [TS]

  i truly have except i have not I have [TS]

  not flown whatever the Sri Lankan [TS]

  airline is but i thought was really what [TS]

  you've done is really one oak I've [TS]

  always wanted to fly at all [TS]

  yeah but uh but no I never have that's [TS]

  you know what that's one of those [TS]

  vacations I want to take where I just go [TS]

  to Israel and I want to see what if you [TS]

  can get away with like a walk around in [TS]

  a robe and still follow me [TS]

  haha not gonna hit but a but I figure [TS]

  all the all the domestic airlines it's [TS]

  all shit now right i mean they're [TS]

  jetblue or virgin they're nice they're [TS]

  nice [TS]

  all I think I think I think [TS]

  pound-for-pound virgin is as close as [TS]

  you're gonna get to what it was like to [TS]

  fly in the good days but it's still crap [TS]

  it's still crap just the ever experience [TS]

  alone [TS]

  yeah and and you're flying virgin [TS]

  airlines and they're pumping that chris [TS]

  cornell song with with a dr dog or [TS]

  whatever the fuck song that is your [TS]

  their public that like starts to pop oh [TS]

  right the purple lighting applications [TS]

  like doing that with the purple lights [TS]

  and it so anyway it's a nightmare to get [TS]

  on an airplane mail and I'm just [TS]

  realizing you know that those little [TS]

  that I was fooling myself for a long [TS]

  time like you know what it's worth 250 [TS]

  dollar upgrade to have two more inches [TS]

  of legroom and now I'm realizing it's [TS]

  not it's just it's it's just a shit [TS]

  barge it's a shit barge full of of like [TS]

  long pigs [TS]

  and I just need fucking I just need to [TS]

  recognize it it's like I'm gonna spend [TS]

  eight hours with long pics on the ship [TS]

  part i want the cheapest ticket again [TS]

  but that's a long Pig I remember the [TS]

  long pig mask and III is it is a [TS]

  character and so using human being [TS]

  that's good i want to go back to that [TS]

  airlines which I just misspelled here [TS]

  here's the other thing John is that you [TS]

  know somebody has a little experiment [TS]

  during all the TSA theater nonsense the [TS]

  last few years [TS]

  somebody made a fake ticket and was able [TS]

  to get on a plane with it just show [TS]

  yeah you can make you can make a fake [TS]

  boarding pass and it's not that hard [TS]

  what I'm saying is a man like you [TS]

  I think knowing what you know having [TS]

  been through what you've been through [TS]

  having walked across Europe spend weeks [TS]

  doing and then and then gone to that was [TS]

  north face and it to get satisfaction [TS]

  my thought is if you got there when it [TS]

  was real busy we got you could walk up [TS]

  there with basically a dumb sucker and [TS]

  try to convince them that was a hundred [TS]

  ninety dollar ticket i think you could [TS]

  demand satisfaction to a level where [TS]

  they would not it would walk you through [TS]

  security and apologized like a gentleman [TS]

  you know that my dad was my dad was [TS]

  great at that a back in the day but at [TS]

  it's just not it's just not worth [TS]

  interacting with it's just not worth [TS]

  interacting with the sub normals in that [TS]

  way [TS]

  yeah I when I walk into an airport I put [TS]

  on a I put on a protective shield of of [TS]

  do not touch me and I want to carry this [TS]

  protective do not touch me shield all [TS]

  the way to my final destiny i wish i had [TS]

  a two sizes smaller version that's it [TS]

  for pretty much all the time I want to I [TS]

  want to get some kind of a suit that's [TS]

  like I don't know it sounds kind of [TS]

  kinky but i would like a full body [TS]

  plastic suit that has been slowly [TS]

  releases Purell over my entire body [TS]

  yeah I want to bathe in / want to be [TS]

  glistening with want to be like a dog's [TS]

  nose [TS]

  I want to walk places I never want to [TS]

  touch anything including myself because [TS]

  I'm a carrier I'm a carrier now I've [TS]

  been on my giving it you know what this [TS]

  is boring drinking coffee again it's [TS]

  working out okay [TS]

  yeah and if i had a superpower yeah [TS]

  I myself this is a big one John this is [TS]

  that you're getting into a heavy hottest [TS]

  topic here this is a big one [TS]

  my superpower i have i've put Laura I've [TS]

  put a lot of thought into this really my [TS]

  super yes that's because you don't spend [TS]

  a lot of time with Hodgman here this is [TS]

  the type of question that he asks [TS]

  whether you want to have the [TS]

  conversation might join 250 morning in [TS]

  my experience must understand John my [TS]

  sleep my superpower [TS]

  I think would be the power to rust god [TS]

  damn it [TS]

  ok your superpower would be the power to [TS]

  rust [TS]

  if you could just point your finger at [TS]

  something and make it something metal [TS]

  snake other things rust no i don't [TS]

  personally want to rust [TS]

  are you nervous to it well yeah there's [TS]

  no part of me that can rust [TS]

  okay look at the metal the metallic [TS]

  parts of me are made of stainless steel [TS]

  ok it's like the Midas touch except [TS]

  you've been driving Massachusetts [TS]

  allwinner right exactly it's like it's [TS]

  like salt on the roads but let's say [TS]

  somebody points are going to you you [TS]

  point your finger and it rusts oh it's [TS]

  pretty good you can I mean if you give [TS]

  you the power to rust on command at a [TS]

  distance to you could rule the world [TS]

  well I i bet forgive me because i have [TS]

  been spending literally every free [TS]

  moment for the last month reading x-men [TS]

  comics but it seems to me that if you [TS]

  got that Thun highly enough if you went [TS]

  if you want to meet with Professor X and [TS]

  have some time in the Danger Room you [TS]

  might be able to get to a point where [TS]

  you could work it like Cyclops you don't [TS]

  just shooting out randomly but you could [TS]

  get it so gonna get metal in your body [TS]

  people got metal you can make carbon [TS]

  rust [TS]

  I mean y showed that but you could use [TS]

  to me that you could if you could just [TS]

  excite the base metals and somebody's [TS]

  body can fucking trust their insides [TS]

  just enough to get you where you can run [TS]

  away [TS]

  think about it think about it we mercury [TS]

  fish you get mercury in you [TS]

  mm you know what okay you don't want to [TS]

  get back and it makes no sense you don't [TS]

  get it but only the cripples only people [TS]

  so anybody so it always bugging you [TS]

  you could fuck her hip hop good but [TS]

  here's the thing i'm not super worried [TS]

  about some person with their hands [TS]

  causing any damage i'm worried about [TS]

  them using a tool [TS]

  right of some kind you feel like in [TS]

  hand-to-hand combat you can hold around [TS]

  yeah but if they have a tool then it [TS]

  gives them an advantage if i do not have [TS]

  a comparable tool tool but if they for [TS]

  instance had a knife thrust the knife i [TS]

  would love about plastic knife [TS]

  see that's the thing this is what i'm [TS]

  doing now this is what the terrorists do [TS]

  ya plastic knives would knives but I [TS]

  feel like if I up against somebody with [TS]

  a wood knife i feel like i could also [TS]

  improvising have a feeling that [TS]

  something with they would probably trip [TS]

  or something I think anybody who goes [TS]

  into a fight with john robert with a win [TS]

  tonight deserves whatever the fuck they [TS]

  get yeah but if they're chasing a car [TS]

  rust off the Cardinals like an iron man [TS]

  wears down his power to use that kind of [TS]

  the same things like the Emperor right [TS]

  where she got a little bit you need to [TS]

  rest in this case i would not even [TS]

  wasting your powers on somebody with a [TS]

  wooden knife I just beat the shit out of [TS]

  you could be the shit out of him right [TS]

  now because they're looking at me [TS]

  they're thinking how is that are you [TS]

  gonna use your rust powers here mr. guy [TS]

  and I'd be like pow right in the know he [TS]

  just makes me feel bad about himself [TS]

  yeah that's just hey what's up with [TS]

  knife nice-nice with knife would knife [TS]

  so I think I think rest i think rusting [TS]

  you know because my eventual goal as a [TS]

  superhero is not to be part of a team of [TS]

  you know do-gooders my little or as a [TS]

  superhero is to you know is to bring [TS]

  peace to the world I think there's a lot [TS]

  of people start out that way Jonathan [TS]

  messianic the super messy anyone so you [TS]

  put on a robe and people follow your [TS]

  arrest me arrest man is that what's the [TS]

  name [TS]

  no not not have to come up with [TS]

  something I have to come up with you [TS]

  know I'd be so far everything I've got [TS]

  I don't like any specific I've got rust [TS]

  man I've got I've got rusty right [TS]

  not good i've got one this sound this [TS]

  sounds like a good kid soccer team the [TS]

  rust you mean just the rest the rust I'm [TS]

  not just rust was it I know what is it [TS]

  what is it what is dress it's like [TS]

  oxidated metal yeah is it could be the [TS]

  oxidizer I could be up to date or [TS]

  oxidative tour that's pretty good i am [TS]

  thought about that a lot of iron man [TS]

  would just be like poof right I'm I [TS]

  don't know he has the repulsor hang on [TS]

  hand so you can like shoot repulsor [TS]

  beams that shit [TS]

  iron man is a pretty cool superhero [TS]

  yes he's up like a pretty high-tech [TS]

  Batman in a lot of ways you've got to [TS]

  admire the guy but but but against the [TS]

  against the rustic mater rusty what [TS]

  rusty you would not want to get around [TS]

  that you're resting cuz i think it will [TS]

  be facing a lot of fucking with knives [TS]

  that would be bad [TS]

  yeah it could we add another thing that [TS]

  you you would have maybe part of your so [TS]

  if I could say and forgive me because [TS]

  it's been all Marvel for me all the time [TS]

  but what if you've got the rust power [TS]

  like you've been developing that maybe [TS]

  was it for a long time as a trouble for [TS]

  you always let you might as touched by [TS]

  cancer I'd be like that's great let me [TS]

  blow let me play with your all right [TS]

  kiss a girl with braces and that you can [TS]

  open her mouth and you go out you're [TS]

  like roping like I why am i killing all [TS]

  these people why my last thing everybody [TS]

  but the other thing is maybe part of [TS]

  your rest ability is you also have an [TS]

  innate sense of maybe it's not just you [TS]

  can't be surprised but when you're aware [TS]

  of something something threatening that [TS]

  could be rusted getting near you i'll [TS]

  send that metal meet you sense the metal [TS]

  to me that's where the stress to really [TS]

  come together and I've home did I hold [TS]

  the power so that like for instance i [TS]

  don't have to rush the whole gun now I [TS]

  could just trust i can i can trust the [TS]

  little spring on the inside of the gun [TS]

  that would cause it can trust them you [TS]

  can trust the muzzle just enough to blow [TS]

  up his fucking face [TS]

  ya see selected rust ecology and [TS]

  conservation to bring it all together [TS]

  the being in line the TSA line could be [TS]

  a lot of fun when you don't when you're [TS]

  rusty we got to get you a better name [TS]

  Rusty's turn I don't like rest man i [TS]

  think it sounds too old [TS]

  ya later sounds like a bad guy that's [TS]

  not good [TS]

  it's got to be anything about it as I [TS]

  think I would wear i think i would dress [TS]

  like Tom Wolfe I'd wear white and and [TS]

  then at the at the end of every battle [TS]

  you know i would like to have to flick [TS]

  little bit of rust off of my off my coat [TS]

  whatever because that would be might [TS]

  that be my er my community will not be [TS]

  constantly trying to keep my jacket [TS]

  light [TS]

  ok so because it has to be something if [TS]

  I know if I could just say again this is [TS]

  your gig I would avoid DC I would go [TS]

  Marvel because that's where the flood [TS]

  people go with all respect and also you [TS]

  got it helps if you have some kind of a [TS]

  like a a is a gimmick but you got like [TS]

  that for example captain america has a [TS]

  shield [TS]

  this Thor has a hammer which means got [TS]

  this cool claws like I don't know this [TS]

  will be part of your restaurant a [TS]

  daredevil the blind guys got that cane [TS]

  like it'd be kind of cool if you had [TS]

  something that was part maybe i don't [TS]

  know i don't even interesting to you but [TS]

  something that you could use in the [TS]

  service of your of your rusting [TS]

  abilities or you know or whether it just [TS]

  be handsome like a walking stick could [TS]

  be nice or maybe a crop well I believe a [TS]

  monocle [TS]

  I've always been partial to sword cannes [TS]

  the problem of the sword cane of course [TS]

  is that I'm the rest later or whatever [TS]

  the rest was rusted just fine Oh couple [TS]

  I say that changes everything the red [TS]

  Ferrari and he has his dreadlocks mind [TS]

  bari and no God no that's going away [TS]

  stuff farm so the coffee's okay that you [TS]

  just have enough you don't know I mean I [TS]

  don't judge you know I never judge you [TS]

  ki that would be very bad i don't-- 6pm [TS]

  I can't be drink I can be making another [TS]

  pot so important I John as i get older [TS]

  you talk about this is the first i can [TS]

  also say the second that you mentioned [TS]

  was it spicy pork em you put the word [TS]

  spicy in front of any food and i'm back [TS]

  in vancouver after i had some spicy tuna [TS]

  and went to a sloan show i did not get [TS]

  to see a lot of the slideshow [TS]

  oh because the spicy tuna caused you to [TS]

  have a have a the you had to do a dad [TS]

  boner in the men's room dad boner [TS]

  yeah yeah yeahs candidate call it too [TS]

  explicit diarrhea but it was and the [TS]

  thing is in Canada they love their [TS]

  bathrooms they were a lot of jean jacket [TS]

  for jean jackets [TS]

  well the thing about Canada yeah is that [TS]

  canada in some ways it's still 1987 in [TS]

  Canada you just blew my mind right don't [TS]

  know what I didn't have I didn't have a [TS]

  way to put my finger on it but it'sit's [TS]

  they're still it's still everybody still [TS]

  went running tonight [TS]

  that's right it is it is like I think [TS]

  I've told you this before but I feel [TS]

  like Canada is like the original 21 Jump [TS]

  Street like everybody everybody's kind [TS]

  of hip kind of groovy they're nowhere in [TS]

  the kind of 1987 way and it's so [TS]

  candidates like a polite like pilot for [TS]

  the nineties yeah right exactly like the [TS]

  gangs in Canada don't we're ready [TS]

  blue handkerchiefs they were green and [TS]

  yellow energies they know what Thank You [TS]

  code is they know well then the head [TS]

  like they don't want to they want to be [TS]

  gangs but they don't want to be like oh [TS]

  don't want to get the Crips upset bc [TS]

  they came up with their own colors like [TS]

  green i think if you have a checkered [TS]

  hanky in your back right pocket means [TS]

  you like to apologize and if you have in [TS]

  your left pocket means you like to [TS]

  apologize to [TS]

  oh I see the Toronto hanky code up so [TS]

  that those guys open for arcade fire [TS]

  they're pretty great very complicated [TS]

  when you're trying to negotiate whether [TS]

  you're a top or a bottom because not [TS]

  everybody is a top and I think I think [TS]

  Canada's the bottom [TS]

  well you would think that but there are [TS]

  some pretty tough characters in Canada [TS]

  they're just bottoms yeah there's some [TS]

  pretty tough bottom some pretty [TS]

  resilient bottoms me now we kid but i [TS]

  mean i boy do I ever really like canada [TS]

  canada new zealand you know I've only [TS]

  been 24 countries but but the the two of [TS]

  them i like a lot of canada new zealand [TS]

  I hear I hear a new zealand they say New [TS]

  Zealand is like England in the fifties [TS]

  you mean declining up a simpler is [TS]

  tingling us we're not on my list England [TS]

  was fine that's nice what the third [TS]

  country you have the 4 i've been to been [TS]

  in New Zealand England Canada and [TS]

  America anything up see what is today [TS]

  for 74 countries huh well that's some [TS]

  variation on the theme [TS]

  well I really I'd reached a point in my [TS]

  life where I had some things to think [TS]

  about so i took a very long walk took a [TS]

  very long walk from my office not to the [TS]

  burrito place and then i got back i did [TS]

  get tore the shit out of that goddamn [TS]

  northface place [TS]

  yes I said you gave me this family back [TS]

  Danny pack broke while I was waiting for [TS]

  my burrito my burrito my Bronco burrito [TS]

  was there used to be a time when you [TS]

  could depend on this is equipment could [TS]

  save your life [TS]

  that's right that's right I was [TS]

  depending on this equipment i kinda love [TS]

  that's everything that's what you say to [TS]

  remember that people remember the story [TS]

  John I think you have talked a lot if I [TS]

  could say your show [TS]

  I think you've taught a lot of people [TS]

  not simply how to demand satisfaction [TS]

  but how important it is that you do [TS]

  demand satisfaction [TS]

  you must demand satisfaction [TS]

  people walk all over you otherwise I i [TS]

  got a ticket the other day I parked in a [TS]

  parking garage on a Sunday because I [TS]

  because I i get tickets periodically is [TS]

  sunday a holiday weekend this weekend [TS]

  this is this yeah this was this was this [TS]

  was a couple weeks ago but I went to the [TS]

  i was driving downtown i was like i'm [TS]

  gonna be in this I'm gonna be in this [TS]

  rehearsal all afternoon and and I don't [TS]

  want to get a ticket and I always I [TS]

  always parked on the street and then I [TS]

  get a ticket so I'm gonna outsmart him [TS]

  this time in a park in the parking [TS]

  garage and it was only later that I [TS]

  realized it was sunday and there was no [TS]

  parking no there was no charge for [TS]

  parking so I i was already i was trying [TS]

  to outsmart them and i outsmarted myself [TS]

  i paid ten dollars to park in a garage [TS]

  that was where I could just parked in [TS]

  front right in front of where I was [TS]

  going but then I come out later on that [TS]

  night [TS]

  there's a ticket on my windshield from [TS]

  the parking garage people and I had paid [TS]

  the amount and i looked at the ticket [TS]

  and I looked at the receipt that I had [TS]

  kept from the Machine and and I was like [TS]

  this is this is a this is insane [TS]

  like I did the thing they obviously [TS]

  don't know what they're doing so I took [TS]

  these things as you do to my mom and I [TS]

  said can you make sense of this and she [TS]

  said I'm gonna write them a strongly [TS]

  worded letter and she did that she goes [TS]

  down to the mark cak she went down to [TS]

  her Batcave at where her Butler said up [TS]

  welcome home a stew for a computer [TS]

  Butler and she said a strongly worded [TS]

  letter to these people and they wrote [TS]

  back that they wrote back to the like a [TS]

  three-word response there like ticket is [TS]

  cancelled it was like what [TS]

  well yes first of all but second of all [TS]

  how many people first of all have a mom [TS]

  who has a Batcave how many people [TS]

  actually write the strongly worded [TS]

  letter a small percentage [TS]

  yeah and and these people are just like [TS]

  their blanket ticketing everybody [TS]

  ah and then you know and then you get [TS]

  into this collection process we don't [TS]

  pay the thing [TS]

  and your double and then finally you pay [TS]

  it just to get him off your back [TS]

  what a fucking racket John you need to [TS]

  demand satisfaction and i'm trying to [TS]

  think of a way to demand satisfaction [TS]

  from these ticket people with John that [TS]

  what you got was an answer but it's not [TS]

  a solution and is far from satisfaction [TS]

  that's right i don't get it you can get [TS]

  an explanation i think they should have [TS]

  been an explanation there they're [TS]

  definitely should have been an apology [TS]

  they're probably should have been some [TS]

  kind of a gift for you and your mom [TS]

  doesn't understand she could put in the [TS]

  cave i would have accepted a gift you [TS]

  know like a small gift like a personal [TS]

  gift a token gift like a pen [TS]

  mm if they had sent like a selection of [TS]

  keels a awesome isn't something I [TS]

  screams screams I would have accepted [TS]

  that there was arcing free parking would [TS]

  be nice [TS]

  a card that gives me free parking that [TS]

  would be nice there's a lot of gifts you [TS]

  could give you should get to punch the [TS]

  guy gave you the ticket not hard but [TS]

  like you should you should have the [TS]

  opportunity to confront your accuser [TS]

  yeah right in the shit you should get to [TS]

  hear them maybe you get to hold them not [TS]

  hard but like lightly by the collar [TS]

  because they seem to have a uniform and [TS]

  a collar these glasses in my budget you [TS]

  pick him up you hold them up in there [TS]

  like your fucking Batman and you get to [TS]

  have him give you in full sentences [TS]

  apology that satisfies you [TS]

  yeah i would I I thought about that i [TS]

  thought about like wanting to stop on [TS]

  this guy's toes but then I realized that [TS]

  probably if I would if I were confronted [TS]

  by the guy that gave me the ticket i [TS]

  would see right away that he was from [TS]

  Somalia and I would look into his eyes [TS]

  and I would realize that he had seen [TS]

  war-torn lands that he had been using I [TS]

  was alive you're such a sucker you know [TS]

  lives in Somalia and if they're not dead [TS]

  fucking warlords and pirates planet do [TS]

  not apologize for this guy John just got [TS]

  a good time playing Cleveland it's like [TS]

  the Nazi in Cleveland [TS]

  I don't you know just because you get [TS]

  old doesn't mean they're morons York [TS]

  tanya is not sin x right that's what was [TS]

  the chicken tillow Chikatilo I think [TS]

  what's his name the guy killed people in [TS]

  Russia if he might be the greatest [TS]

  serial killer of all time we don't know [TS]

  that Chikatilo night HBO show got a guy [TS]

  in the eighties yeah yeah the other Nazi [TS]

  and clean line and me I think he died [TS]

  they all die eventually [TS]

  now [TS]

  I don't know John I gotta say I you know [TS]

  I don't like to talk too much about [TS]

  Hitler on here but I'm gonna say [TS]

  Nuremberg you know I think when you go [TS]

  in there and you do not pick up the [TS]

  Somalian by his collar or not his collar [TS]

  and demand satisfaction [TS]

  I think your castle you're basically [TS]

  letting the Brownshirts win i see so [TS]

  you're saying that that that I should [TS]

  not let someone's a refugee status from [TS]

  a war-torn a like and are an archaic [TS]

  African nation by obviate might need for [TS]

  satisfaction about being ticketed [TS]

  improperly can I be honest with you [TS]

  yes I don't talk about politics but I do [TS]

  know this I do know that at the time [TS]

  that you start overthinking this shit [TS]

  you John Roderick as soon as you start [TS]

  overthinking this and start wondering if [TS]

  somebody from fucking Somalia you're [TS]

  going to not only stop helping other [TS]

  people [TS]

  my concerns are gonna stop helping [TS]

  yourself I mean seriously with the John [TS]

  Rother 45 years ago [TS]

  you're John Rocker was finally [TS]

  discovering his rust abilities you have [TS]

  electronic think twice about then go out [TS]

  like that might be his mom's knife [TS]

  no it's true it's true another thing you [TS]

  should be a dick I'm just saying that [TS]

  you know you are refugee from my [TS]

  war-torn country does not give you the [TS]

  right i mean you're here in America now [TS]

  write anything that's looking listen to [TS]

  your ticket people report we describe a [TS]

  50-year old man with one term like one [TS]

  right you got one bullet once index card [TS]

  on this guy and that he's from somali [TS]

  how do you know that he is in a huge [TS]

  cock that's true he could be a war lower [TS]

  because i'm thinking i might start [TS]

  telling people that I'm a small in [TS]

  refugee and suddenly i get if you like a [TS]

  a get-out-of-jail-free card i get free [TS]

  parking for the rest of my fucking life [TS]

  looking at you I think most people would [TS]

  have a hard time believing that you were [TS]

  from Somalia and that's just exactly the [TS]

  kind that is exactly the kind of [TS]

  prejudice that I face the garage every [TS]

  single day people home in my god i hate [TS]

  i hate to interrupt you and Jon Simeon [TS]

  York yes died March seventeenth 2012 st. [TS]

  Patrick's Day just two months ago [TS]

  is that right he lived until two months [TS]

  ago he practicing it together parade [TS]

  they love parades [TS]

  you know they have a saint patrick's day [TS]

  i'm guessing and clean there's a lot of [TS]

  poles ironically enough in a frenzy [TS]

  Polish man was he at one of the big [TS]

  camps and he was Ukrainian [TS]

  ok yeah I'm you and the other grain it's [TS]

  a Ukraine he was a Nazi in the Ukraine [TS]

  didn't have an outpost there did that [TS]

  the Nazis yeah yeah sure they they [TS]

  invaded that's pretty far west right [TS]

  east I I thought the whole problem was [TS]

  they didn't opponent thing again how to [TS]

  get all the way to Ukraine Ukraine is in [TS]

  between a germany and russia so the they [TS]

  took over the Ukraine on their way [TS]

  station from their way they're on their [TS]

  way to Moscow but i know that the time [TS]

  of course the Ukraine was part of the [TS]

  USSR right so it just seemed like we [TS]

  always say Russia mean yeah that's [TS]

  that's like calling United States iowa [TS]

  he was so he was in the Ukraine so he [TS]

  was a Russian he would you know and he [TS]

  was drafted into the Russian army has [TS]

  been he was a prisoner of war the soviet [TS]

  fishy right exactly [TS]

  he was a vichy guy he he went with the [TS]

  he went over to the other side [TS]

  ok and so booboo dum-dum yet who you [TS]

  don't know him [TS]

  now double-time York know that bad a [TS]

  couple questions about world war two now [TS]

  is it now Hitler did a lot of bad stuff [TS]

  you did you but is it stands for that [TS]

  isn't it kind of you tell me it seems to [TS]

  me that like one of the stupidest things [TS]

  he did was trying to go to Russia is it [TS]

  didn't Polian have kind of the same [TS]

  problem he loves compared himself to all [TS]

  these other guys he's going to be the [TS]

  Caesar third right gonna let thousand [TS]

  years but it isn't kind of stupid to try [TS]

  and march into into the Soviet Union but [TS]

  it wasn't kind of a dumb move but you [TS]

  know this is a lot of this is a [TS]

  different podcast we need to have a [TS]

  podcast where you and I refined [TS]

  different a different episode or should [TS]

  we start a new property uh you know new [TS]

  property i think i hit learning stuff [TS]

  and we headed here we could have that be [TS]

  one where we could have guests because I [TS]

  there are so many i am i've learned [TS]

  maybe want to hold to account for some [TS]

  at their their their I've learned from [TS]

  internet there are a lot of guys who [TS]

  want to talk about world war two and we [TS]

  can have on the program and they could [TS]

  tell us if you want to get your silkworm [TS]

  if you like some songs are about a lot [TS]

  but if you about world war 2i think one [TS]

  of the guys I think might have been the [TS]

  guitar player was his name not Tim but [TS]

  the other guy i think he said give me [TS]

  support [TS]

  yeah well I mean I saw my dad [TS]

  cancer and Madame yeah unless of course [TS]

  I mean I stood around the backstage and [TS]

  they were backstage and I don't know [TS]

  what they might have looked at me and [TS]

  Tim seems nice but I don't know I think [TS]

  you're I think you're right i think a [TS]

  lot of people indie-rock enjoy world war [TS]

  2i think you can you guys send me a [TS]

  tweet yesterday saying here's the tweet [TS]

  ready yeah discuss world war 2 i'll come [TS]

  on with that mr. Ellison I have no idea [TS]

  who was like that you might be getting [TS]

  followed by mr. get listen who's that is [TS]

  that a thing I don't know he's the guy [TS]

  that had the last did where you have [TS]

  your final right mr. Douglas and mr. [TS]

  Dedalus I doubt he's on Twitter you said [TS]

  he sounded like a real hard-ass I think [TS]

  I you know a man like him i don't know i [TS]

  thought the keys moved up the Bifrost is [TS]

  deep and a scarred at this point you [TS]

  know Hitler and stuff i'm gonna capture [TS]

  that stuff stuff but isn't that so a lot [TS]

  of the reno this is boring you don't [TS]

  want to either you really don't want to [TS]

  invade Russia and I'm saying this now [TS]

  you got the supply chain you gotta get [TS]

  all the way Katniss all kinds of sources [TS]

  where can breakers bad it's just there's [TS]

  a lot of reasons and it's cold and you [TS]

  did there yeah that's right it's very [TS]

  cool [TS]

  uh to all of our listeners if you even [TS]

  if you're ever in a situation where [TS]

  you've taken over Europe and you have [TS]

  you have [TS]

  you have [TS]

  most of it in iron grip of russia alone [TS]

  just leave it alone [TS]

  so you're saying don't have ambition [TS]

  you're not you're not saying stop at the [TS]

  low-hanging fruit as we used to say [TS]

  you're saying it's okay go up the tree [TS]

  little bit grab some fruit but it [TS]

  doesn't mean you try to take down the [TS]

  whole orchard in the middle of winter [TS]

  I'm saying that that's really not what [TS]

  you're saying I wasn't steer steer your [TS]

  ambitions yeah like turkey by all means [TS]

  invade turkey we don't want one to 10 [TS]

  how hardest turkey pretty hard [TS]

  the Turks they want their hard-assed [TS]

  writer fighters they're fighters [TS]

  okay so you got it like am 27 but [TS]

  there's a lot of reason to invade turkey [TS]

  because you would gain control of the [TS]

  Dardanelles you would gain control of [TS]

  access to the Black Sea [TS]

  okay then let the mountain goats guy [TS]

  that's not what's Russia are going to do [TS]

  yet the john darnell haha that was that [TS]

  was that a laugh for looking such as [TS]

  somebody said to me at one point you [TS]

  guys need a unique off of mutes or [TS]

  something time you need to shut up I was [TS]

  like calm you copy its that's part of [TS]

  the show [TS]

  what do you think we are cough mute you [TS]

  know what that cost now in Hogan's [TS]

  Heroes when they would threaten to send [TS]

  such a couple more [TS]

  what's your question directly when they [TS]

  were threatening usually i think was [TS]

  general Burkhalter eaten or sometimes [TS]

  the Eastern Front has an Eastern Front [TS]

  now is the East who are they fighting on [TS]

  is that that's not the Japanese who's on [TS]

  the eastern Russia that's the start to [TS]

  the Russians oh I'm starts the German so [TS]

  they're the ones moving east [TS]

  you got to get this to the Soviets [TS]

  holding the line and then the whole [TS]

  reason we got the satellite nations from [TS]

  the post-war on is they say no more [TS]

  never again will a drop of Soviet blood [TS]

  be spilled on Soviet soil if you're [TS]

  gonna shoot you got you got to do in [TS]

  Czechoslovakia was at the idea [TS]

  Wow ah my senses like this i should say [TS]

  this paper and stuff yeah i think i [TS]

  think that the idea of the the idea of [TS]

  soviet communism was that it was [TS]

  inevitable from their perspective that [TS]

  we're going to talk about war i don't [TS]

  know anything about politics at the [TS]

  entire world was one day going to be [TS]

  communists weather and anyway it was [TS]

  going to have to get if revolutions were [TS]

  going to sweep the land then it then [TS]

  and then the communism had to be had to [TS]

  be gifted to people in the form of [TS]

  imposing it on them and new transitive [TS]

  verbs did your Italian communism all [TS]

  like like all young men my age I said [TS]

  that is a very contradictory term i'd [TS]

  spend a feeling all men who 30 years ago [TS]

  were younger I spent a few months in [TS]

  ninth grade very enamored with communism [TS]

  as Anna and I spend I did like like like [TS]

  you hear a lot of God college freshman I [TS]

  did the whole like you-know-who soviet [TS]

  communism is not communism communism [TS]

  itself as you know Marxism itself I'm [TS]

  has been a lot of years in college are [TS]

  Marxists universities are full of [TS]

  Marxists but but no I i was i was never [TS]

  like that what i would hold you back i [TS]

  mean he never got a hat you never gonna [TS]

  check with our poster you never [TS]

  pretended to read less capital you just [TS]

  it didn't even read all that stuff it's [TS]

  just how you always owned your own means [TS]

  of production that you always gets it [TS]

  always very quickly gets to the heart of [TS]

  the the Hobbesian question is man [TS]

  basically good newsman basically evil [TS]

  you know communism communism and Marxism [TS]

  ultimately depends on people making [TS]

  sacrifices for the greater good and and [TS]

  personal experience has shown that [TS]

  people are very much willing to make [TS]

  sacrifices for the greater good within [TS]

  limited contexts but maybe the problem [TS]

  is it's not necessarily for the good [TS]

  when now wants you to make stealing your [TS]

  backyard with a grill and then you don't [TS]

  get food and stuff in that the part that [TS]

  drives me crazy i was very interested in [TS]

  Marxism really experienced the promise [TS]

  of criticism the premise of it is the [TS]

  first premise of it is very idealistic [TS]

  it's more idealistic than Christianity I [TS]

  don't talk about religion but it's [TS]

  barely possible politics listen you go [TS]

  oh my god I think I just politics [TS]

  oh my god only now Mitt Romney joke [TS]

  who we can meet our maker car to put it [TS]

  on the wall the day that Merlin started [TS]

  talking about politics is that Jerry [TS]

  Lewis movie today the day the clock the [TS]

  good friday the internet cried [TS]

  ya Jaane we've got a heavenly stuff [TS]

  needs to happen i don't know it's [TS]

  probably you know what you know we [TS]

  should do we should record it and never [TS]

  release it [TS]

  I could our Hitler and stuff podcast [TS]

  well yeah I mean because i think it's [TS]

  something only put this way I don't be [TS]

  selfish it's something that would help [TS]

  me a lot and it's not i don't know if [TS]

  other people people are already getting [TS]

  so much help from you on a regular basis [TS]

  that you know what they might be selfish [TS]

  for me to keep it to myself that I could [TS]

  feel like I could learn a lot about [TS]

  Hitler from you [TS]

  well there that I get this from people a [TS]

  lot because I i think people want a want [TS]

  to know about the wars because they [TS]

  sense that that learning about world war [TS]

  two are learning about world war one is [TS]

  going to contextualize the world for [TS]

  them they are even just captain america [TS]

  or just make them understand what's the [TS]

  story behind captain america is um and I [TS]

  think that that's true but but a but you [TS]

  know I grew up I grew up literally [TS]

  soaking in World War two [TS]

  I was literally soaking in a great coach [TS]

  and you get to get water showcase sorry [TS]

  please go there was out there in your [TS]

  life in Alaska you get five channels and [TS]

  you're literally soaking in warm [TS]

  literally soaking in war [TS]

  my dad was a World War two veteran but i [TS]

  was i was from the big you know when i [TS]

  was when i was a young man it was during [TS]

  the Vietnam War and it was on television [TS]

  I was not a manual obviously I was a [TS]

  child but but interested in war but so I [TS]

  grew up knowing about world war two from [TS]

  the front from my earliest times as a as [TS]

  a boy and everything that I learned [TS]

  about world war two as i got older i was [TS]

  able to add to this body of knowledge [TS]

  about it so that I can't remember a time [TS]

  when I didn't have I didn't have an [TS]

  understanding of the guy remember when I [TS]

  didn't have an understanding war one I [TS]

  had to go back and learn about World War [TS]

  the world war 2 i've always known about [TS]

  that and so I can't I can't I can't [TS]

  picture a how you would be a modern [TS]

  person and not have an understanding of [TS]

  of of that conflict you know like it to [TS]

  go back and I it's not that I wouldn't [TS]

  know where to start but now well this is [TS]

  this is actually super interesting given [TS]

  herself where you are because you sound [TS]

  a little bit like a minor or possibly a [TS]

  terrier he is another dog that the the [TS]

  diggers you said he's not like somebody [TS]

  where you say like I you know I was [TS]

  raised on a farm [TS]

  I can't imagine not understanding cattle [TS]

  like you you've been in the given that [TS]

  you have soaked in a war right and there [TS]

  are other people want around gonna [TS]

  understand which end of milk right quick [TS]

  right but she--but but you know the [TS]

  facts now your father d serving France [TS]

  where was he no no he was a Navy pilot [TS]

  in the Pacific oh man that must have [TS]

  been scary [TS]

  well you know you're in an airplane so [TS]

  but I mean like even before like that [TS]

  you know they're the whispers about the [TS]

  camps but like people people knew with [TS]

  the Japanese were doing to people right [TS]

  like the only they knew what happened if [TS]

  your plane went down anyway it was not [TS]

  gonna be pretty [TS]

  that's why I have my father's pistol he [TS]

  was issued a a 45 you know 1911 model 45 [TS]

  pistol as a as a Navy pilot early in the [TS]

  war any war in a shoulder holster and [TS]

  and then you know later on in the war [TS]

  the rumors started getting out that what [TS]

  a lot of pilots were doing was they were [TS]

  taking these 45 caliber bullets and they [TS]

  were using their knife to etch across in [TS]

  me in the the top of the bullet in the [TS]

  you know in the actual bullet the lad [TS]

  lad so that when the bullet hit it would [TS]

  explode the you know what kind of it was [TS]

  a like a fake dum-dum bullet the blow [TS]

  itself would explode and do more damage [TS]

  and the Japanese you know said that [TS]

  thats it thats unfair that's bad that's [TS]

  bad war-making and they they issued some [TS]

  kind of directive where they said if we [TS]

  capture a an American pilot and he has [TS]

  one of these guns these forty-fives [TS]

  we're just going to kill him right away [TS]

  because [TS]

  because the gun itself is unfair and so [TS]

  they think that's a pretty high level [TS]

  thinking yeah so they recalled that the [TS]

  US Navy recall the 45 and they issued 38 [TS]

  you know revolvers to all the pilots and [TS]

  my dad being a Roderick he said that he [TS]

  had lost his being in erotic they said [TS]

  full-court see to it that they said oh [TS]

  alright here's the 38 so he is so for [TS]

  the rest of the war he carried the 45 in [TS]

  the shoulder holster in the 38 and some [TS]

  other holder fucking badass and then at [TS]

  the end of the war he had to turn in his [TS]

  that is 38 but he kept the 45 and you [TS]

  still got that around i have it and I [TS]

  actually took it to a gunsmith one time [TS]

  in and they all gathered around it and [TS]

  they were like oh my god this is amazing [TS]

  because according to them according to [TS]

  these guys this 1911 model was actually [TS]

  the first model it was issued in world [TS]

  war one when you see 1911 you don't [TS]

  design you mean manufactured know that's [TS]

  what it was designed by ok that's what [TS]

  it's called but this gun was it was in [TS]

  the first batch of them made during [TS]

  World War one and he and and and i guess [TS]

  the gun was made and then it sat in a in [TS]

  a arms depot for all the interwar years [TS]

  just SAT there on the shelf and was [TS]

  issued to my dad in World War two [TS]

  so this gun at seven and they're all [TS]

  like this gun would be worth a ton of [TS]

  money thousands and thousands of dollars [TS]

  except sometime in the seventies my dad [TS]

  had it reblued pinched because it was [TS]

  like tattered or whatever he was like he [TS]

  took it in and had a tree [TS]

  blued and they said yeah that that [TS]

  ruined it oh no not as a gun they said [TS]

  it's a great gun but as a as a [TS]

  collector's item that he had taken [TS]

  anti-scratch that would've broken his [TS]

  heart [TS]

  yeah if it's still worth the time it's [TS]

  still worth more money you know it's [TS]

  still worth money but but it but it it's [TS]

  exactly the antiques roadshow think if [TS]

  he had left the original finish is a [TS]

  cult [TS]

  it's a cold United States pistol caliber [TS]

  45 m1911 that's right [TS]

  that is such a fucking cool looking gun [TS]

  and that's a heavy heavy gun bigger well [TS]

  we at one time [TS]

  don't talk out of school but the ones I [TS]

  don't come back your deck is that's such [TS]

  an amazing story but the one time we [TS]

  went and shot guns together [TS]

  yeah man I you know and he's not one of [TS]

  those doing you a 45 and I had to stop [TS]

  at 245 245 was just too much even got [TS]

  all the earplugs it was just the recall [TS]

  what we call it the other reviews just [TS]

  it was like I can't have this in my hand [TS]

  it was too much it was so loud [TS]

  so you never did the 44 Magnum know you [TS]

  that you were shooting them for Eric was [TS]

  doing great Eric was hitting everything [TS]

  if I remember everyone's games Jonathan [TS]

  Rothman wasn't was it was a he was a [TS]

  Deadeye dick [TS]

  yeah cool as we school yeah cool this is [TS]

  a really that is so cool that you got [TS]

  that by i don't know i mean i've spent [TS]

  my evenings you know and again i'm a [TS]

  wacker at this but I mean I spent my [TS]

  evenings you know reading a lot on [TS]

  wikipedia about something is like a all [TS]

  the history i wish i would have known in [TS]

  high school and picking up now and just [TS]

  the stuff toward the end I mean [TS]

  obviously Bataan Death March being you [TS]

  know kind of obvious apotheosis but a [TS]

  great well-known example but it was just [TS]

  pretty miserable what they were going to [TS]

  american prisoners I'm just thinking [TS]

  that like you know it would suck to be [TS]

  captured by the germans and going to an [TS]

  uncomfortable camp but it was probably [TS]

  was not any andersonville whereas with [TS]

  the Japanese were doing was just just I [TS]

  mean inhuman is the only way to put it [TS]

  the way that they would treat American [TS]

  prisoners [TS]

  what was that but you have to also i [TS]

  think taking the context that the [TS]

  Japanese living out there and you know [TS]

  you know well strung across all these [TS]

  archipelagos they had no supplies either [TS]

  without in March that's what I had the [TS]

  March that that was the that was the the [TS]

  flimsy cover for it anyway [TS]

  was that we couldn't wait ships on this [TS]

  we already can't feed our own people [TS]

  right no one was no one was living high [TS]

  on the hog out there the living that [TS]

  made the German camps in addition to the [TS]

  mass murder with gas money Americans [TS]

  though nobody will ok let's say let's [TS]

  say a prisoner-of-war camp in Germany I [TS]

  mean the German like prison guards were [TS]

  drinking champagne French Champagne [TS]

  French sham things on the champagne [TS]

  region [TS]

  yeah that's right and they were probably [TS]

  said you know they were probably [TS]

  probably the camp a commander [TS]

  her was practicing his oil painting in [TS]

  the afternoon but sitting to vote next [TS]

  listening to partner whereas they didn't [TS]

  really gay thing we act like you're [TS]

  conducting that the japanese [TS]

  prisoner-of-war camps the camp guards [TS]

  themselves were eating roaches [TS]

  oh yeah you're eating wrote Roach [TS]

  sandwiches and so there wasn't like much [TS]

  left over for them for the American but [TS]

  i guess i'm getting at is do you have [TS]

  you talked to someone when did you ever [TS]

  get to talk to dad about that was he [TS]

  aware of what he was facing if he went [TS]

  down over the Pacific oh absolutely but [TS]

  those guys were all 22 years old I mean [TS]

  was I learned when I was 22 years old [TS]

  when I was facing if I whatever if i [TS]

  simply please continue [TS]

  I wanna hear I wanna hear the part of [TS]

  your great lost years that was like the [TS]

  design that much anyone [TS]

  once I might have a lot to drink and [TS]

  then they randomly shot three of us for [TS]

  no reason but my buddy was infected and [TS]

  had dysentery so I'm got another run [TS]

  like a like a lost the leg just as [TS]

  easily as one of those guys that was [TS]

  great that was when you're 22 you really [TS]

  do think it's like that usually you [TS]

  really really do think that you are a [TS]

  survivor at that point and if you're 22 [TS]

  years old and fighting in a war you [TS]

  really do think that it's like ain't no [TS]

  thing I mean my dad flew you did not fly [TS]

  a fighter plans he flew to DC threes or [TS]

  a c-47 the transport plane [TS]

  ok but he tells all these stories about [TS]

  like there was an anti-aircraft gun on [TS]

  the bridge and so we flew under the [TS]

  bridge and they could get the gun down [TS]

  fast enough you know we flew under her [TS]

  or I he he tells a story and I I I how [TS]

  do you verify this there's no way to do [TS]

  it don't you see that's fucking awesome [TS]

  it tells the story he comes to the [TS]

  clouds and his airplane he got thrown [TS]

  out of college [TS]

  he's not into pic he sees a he sees a [TS]

  plane coming at hermes and it's coming [TS]

  straight at him and he's looking at in [TS]

  the distance and he's like what kind of [TS]

  plane is that you like and it's it's [TS]

  pointed directly at him so it's much [TS]

  harder to tell what kind of plane it is [TS]

  and he's looking at the plane and it's [TS]

  coming straight at him and he's thinking [TS]

  what is that I don't know what it is and [TS]

  then he realizes it's a0 it's a Japanese [TS]

  like straight at him [TS]

  and he's flying straight it and it is [TS]

  super maneuverable right there super [TS]

  maneuverable my dad's plan is not right [TS]

  and so he's looking at me done and the [TS]

  button the batplane is not varying off [TS]

  of course and his plan is interfering [TS]

  off course and in his version of the [TS]

  story of failing to know what else to do [TS]

  he opens the side window in the cockpit [TS]

  pulls this 45 that I have stone out [TS]

  sticks it out the window and fires like [TS]

  eight rounds at the at the zero and then [TS]

  grab the stick and pulls straight up and [TS]

  goes up into a cloud in the city have a [TS]

  lot of stories like that never never saw [TS]

  the plane again so he assumed that he [TS]

  shot it down 0 didn't come after him so [TS]

  he assumes that he shot him a scare them [TS]

  off with his pistol [TS]

  yeah that's what I was my they really [TS]

  were the greatest generation they really [TS]

  were they were the greatest greatest [TS]

  generation the most most full of shit [TS]

  generation but that's a bit that sort of [TS]

  me that's the most every that time broke [TS]

  up the most bullshit generation [TS]

  ya know I couldn't get through the first [TS]

  chapter of my favorite story of my data [TS]

  he said he was you know who's landing [TS]

  landing supplies landing ammunition and [TS]

  and so what he would do is Atlanta that [TS]

  the Americans would would be taking over [TS]

  an island and then the goal is always to [TS]

  get to the airstrip right [TS]

  the Japanese would have an airstrip on [TS]

  an island the Americans would invade [TS]

  they'd be trying to get to the airstrip [TS]

  and when they get to the airstrip they [TS]

  would Park a jeep with an American flag [TS]

  on it at the end of the airstrip and [TS]

  that was the sign that that they had [TS]

  that they had seized this the strip and [TS]

  then my dad in in a transport with a [TS]

  with guns and ammunition and and medical [TS]

  supplies would land on the newly [TS]

  captured strip they'd throw the bullets [TS]

  out [TS]

  load the plane up with wounded spin it [TS]

  around and get back out there and [TS]

  they're the fighting is going on all [TS]

  around the strip's time [TS]

  this thing this is a lumbering giant [TS]

  you're not this this is a lot of phones [TS]

  no surprisingly you know maneuverable [TS]

  planes but it but certainly a transport [TS]

  plane like unarmed so he's coming in on [TS]

  final approach to this to this strip [TS]

  where he has seen the jeep parked at the [TS]

  end of the runway and he's he's coming [TS]

  in coming in hot [TS]

  full of the full of full of bullets and [TS]

  as he touches the wheels down on the [TS]

  airstrip he sees a guy run out of the [TS]

  jungle jump in the jeep and peel out [TS]

  spin around and get the hell out of [TS]

  there and bullets start coming out of [TS]

  everywhere and he he he's you know he's [TS]

  hauling ass down the runway but he's [TS]

  easy easy it is he's committed now he's [TS]

  too far along to like pull up and and [TS]

  take back off so he runs the plane down [TS]

  to the end of the runway and the [TS]

  Japanese are coming out of the jungle he [TS]

  spins the plane around heads back down [TS]

  the runway the other direction with the [TS]

  with the the loadmaster in the back of [TS]

  the plane just throwing crates of [TS]

  bullets out the out the door just pop [TS]

  them out trying to get trying to get the [TS]

  plane light enough that it can get back [TS]

  up off the ground and as they're running [TS]

  down the running down the runway I mean [TS]

  they get back up but they're there [TS]

  they're just talking stuff fucking stuff [TS]

  out any you know got off the ground and [TS]

  made it out of their plane full of [TS]

  bullets but it's it's completely insane [TS]

  I i I'm anxiety with forgiving being [TS]

  very useful in that situation I just [TS]

  regret that I had no life to give for my [TS]

  country I regret that I didn't have a [TS]

  guy I sometimes forget that i did not [TS]

  join the the army i know that that's [TS]

  crazy i know at the time when I was 19 [TS]

  there's nothing I was going to do less [TS]

  than join the army right but now that [TS]

  i'm old i look back and go well I mean [TS]

  what the hell was I doing ya doing [TS]

  anything that's a good way to feel [TS]

  pretty useless but I mean the same thing [TS]

  with Captain America he didn't he didn't [TS]

  you know he kept trying to join four [TS]

  different times for f every time for 44 [TS]

  f and then they get little guy is a real [TS]

  little guy but then they gave him that [TS]

  formula and I'm just saying if you don't [TS]

  want to trivialize the story that's not [TS]

  what I do but I'm just saying if you had [TS]

  those rust powers it could really make a [TS]

  difference if i have the rest powers but [TS]

  the problem with having powers is you [TS]

  don't be you know they don't want to the [TS]

  army they want you in the secret we [TS]

  watching some special seek out looking [TS]

  like a shield that you want to be out [TS]

  there with the grunts you want to be the [TS]

  only be out there on the frontline [TS]

  resting things right and then and and [TS]

  that's that's always been my problem [TS]

  with the CIA like I know at a certain [TS]

  point it was a certain point pretty [TS]

  early on where the CIA was never going [TS]

  to recruit me as it is just a an agent [TS]

  you know what i mean when did that [TS]

  awareness really really settle on you i [TS]

  was by I was pretty sure even by the age [TS]

  of 20 but I had already that i had [TS]

  already to jeopardize my chances of [TS]

  jumping in the CIA fundamentally [TS]

  jeopardize that well but the thing is [TS]

  now I still feel like the CIA could [TS]

  recruit me but I would be an asset if [TS]

  you know what I mean you know you could [TS]

  still be the English guy with the bombs [TS]

  but you might not be the one like right [TS]

  there putting it out [TS]

  II right you didn't have a beard yeah I [TS]

  would I would I would have is I would [TS]

  have I would be the one with the beard [TS]

  and I would have a handler I would have [TS]

  a CIA agent that was that was handling [TS]

  me I wouldn't have I personally would [TS]

  not have a license to kill [TS]

  I would you know my license would would [TS]

  would be under the umbrella of someone [TS]

  else's license you get sub license to [TS]

  kill [TS]

  I get a sub license to kill and and that [TS]

  you know that's just I mean don't get me [TS]

  wrong I'll take it but it's but it's [TS]

  just not as satisfying as being you know [TS]

  a spy myself I want you all you but I [TS]

  mean you know but you still be serving [TS]

  you said Biddy still be doing what [TS]

  you're good at you can always be looking [TS]

  backward on this thing projected I could [TS]

  be in Damascus walking down the street [TS]

  and you know it [TS]

  anybody suit and equipped with a sword [TS]

  came and a big beard and when I when [TS]

  agents came through i would potentially [TS]

  be running a safe house or I would be [TS]

  you would be there like I'd be able to [TS]

  say oh sounds like it's the jackal again [TS]

  haha my old never cease [TS]

  I'll see I I can't tell your buddy i [TS]

  think that would be so much cooler than [TS]

  being in the standard CIA if you were in [TS]

  the secondary secret CIA and you're [TS]

  fighting the jackal in Damascus not [TS]

  happen i'd love to work in that one of [TS]

  those three days of the Condor offices [TS]

  mean I wouldn't want to be killed but [TS]

  during lunch but I i love that movie so [TS]

  much and just that was so cool there in [TS]

  a townhouse like doing spy stuff [TS]

  I just thought that'd be the best thing [TS]

  in the world you gotta wonder somewhere [TS]

  in San Francisco there's a townhouse [TS]

  what where people are doing spy stuff [TS]

  I think it's everywhere we provide all [TS]

  the time it is the thing I think it's in [TS]

  our neighborhood will you know how many [TS]

  of the places not just hand jobs i found [TS]

  another one there's several handjob [TS]

  places wrong place we all know that [TS]

  let's take it as read [TS]

  I just found out that the zero replace [TS]

  it's actually it's actually mahjong for [TS]

  money [TS]

  really if you can pull something like [TS]

  that off two blocks away from a police [TS]

  station is a pretty good chance that [TS]

  somebody's here in a bathroom fighting [TS]

  the jackal whether it's a yogurt place [TS]

  but you play mahjong for money and in [TS]

  the back somewhere it's it's it's even [TS]

  more complicated than that it's a [TS]

  storage place for yogurt place because [TS]

  you know what it was a yogurt place [TS]

  that's what they'd be looking for my god [TS]

  right there so indiscreet with that you [TS]

  put [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  [Music] [TS]