Roderick on the Line

Ep. 28: "The Sheriff of Twisp"

 

  hello hi John has gone [TS]

  hi Merlin oh god this is a labor of love [TS]

  that you're even here that's gonna be [TS]

  one of many coughs I think we should [TS]

  stop right there that's so just that's [TS]

  the whole show play pong [TS]

  yeah now you're ill yeah I meal but that [TS]

  is not an uncommon thing for me [TS]

  in fact lately I've been better than [TS]

  I've ever been in my life how circle [TS]

  sick wise not mental health wise but I [TS]

  used to get sick all the time he gets [TS]

  the card i do i get really sick I get [TS]

  super sick [TS]

  yeah you're on you're almost [TS]

  preternatural so we're pretty naturally [TS]

  you're unbelievably strong is it that [TS]

  doesn't actually is a word you [TS]

  yeah i think im using it wrong you may [TS]

  be using it wrong but it is a word [TS]

  ok point taken you are you're so [TS]

  supernaturally strong in so many ways [TS]

  disturbingly strong really uh [TS]

  irresponsibly strong in so many ways but [TS]

  when it comes to getting sick you're a [TS]

  total pussy [TS]

  yeah i have several Achilles heels [TS]

  because im hit im gonna let another [TS]

  collection started because because I'm [TS]

  six-legged have five Achilles heels and [TS]

  one heel that works [TS]

  yeah and-and-and a a bad immune system [TS]

  is one of them I've always been [TS]

  I've always been quick to catch the bug [TS]

  me to on the same way I get cold sores I [TS]

  get psoriasis and I got it all I should [TS]

  be dead by now you know we you know it [TS]

  up here in the northwest we call cold [TS]

  sores stress bumps that is really it's a [TS]

  bellingham thing because nobody wants to [TS]

  admit that they have herpes so they have [TS]

  a stress bump and telling him the column [TS]

  agreement Alex [TS]

  I'm not make you laugh right here [TS]

  shooting no no it's fine [TS]

  ah yeah as then I have you know i think [TS]

  my lungs are my i am that's the part [TS]

  that there Kelly lungs that's right [TS]

  there my achilles lungs if you read The [TS]

  Iliad there's a scene where Achilles is [TS]

  leaping over the wall and any gets a [TS]

  wheeze and he had he wheezes and that's [TS]

  how they know where he is and then and [TS]

  then shoot him in the heel [TS]

  hey I wasn't that instead of classics [TS]

  and memory serves me the reason for his [TS]

  weakness is that when Moses mother kept [TS]

  him into the my desk and she held him by [TS]

  his long rights well see you've read the [TS]

  book I remind you but you've seen the [TS]

  movie at least yeah i saw Exodus we have [TS]

  one Moses puts Achilles in the mudbath [TS]

  she holds him by his long and that's why [TS]

  is he'll never grew and then the other [TS]

  place my things and some cucumber water [TS]

  and a lucky magazine who sit on the [TS]

  biosolids yeah yeah how much the Bible [TS]

  of you reading the Bible yeah i read a [TS]

  lot of it you know I because i went to [TS]

  judgment school right and I showed up [TS]

  there with a real chip on my shoulder [TS]

  and I took an old testament class by [TS]

  first quarter i'm sitting in the class [TS]

  in the and the professor comes in and [TS]

  he's a he's a he's a priest and he's an [TS]

  overweight man and he's wearing he's [TS]

  wearing his priestly garb but you can [TS]

  tell from the it so it's all black it's [TS]

  black clothes right but you can tell [TS]

  from the accumulated dander on the shirt [TS]

  its it's like he comes in and somebody [TS]

  has been it like he had just left a [TS]

  wedding where they didn't have rice to [TS]

  throw they just had salt so he's he's [TS]

  just he's covered in dander and I [TS]

  realized over the course of the of the [TS]

  quarter that he never changed his [TS]

  clothes but he was it but he was a [TS]

  brilliant guy any he came in and and he [TS]

  said to the class you know his first [TS]

  thing out of his mouth he said [TS]

  how much of the Bible should we take as [TS]

  as truth as best fact any on the room is [TS]

  quiet and nobody knows what to do and [TS]

  I'm sitting there with my already with [TS]

  my feet up on the desk you know smug and [TS]

  Brent presumptuous and just I was just [TS]

  such a turd and I raised my hand and all [TS]

  sardonically I'm like em I don't know [TS]

  all of it even [TS]

  mhm and he goes no in fact and proceeds [TS]

  to make me feel like it like the tool [TS]

  that I was says no in fact the Bible is [TS]

  a collection of stories told by you know [TS]

  told over generations [TS]

  bye-bye people wandering the desert and [TS]

  here's here's how we're going to take [TS]

  this class and he starts to talk and i [TS]

  SAT up in my chair and lean forward it [TS]

  was like oh my goodness this this seems [TS]

  really smart and I don't fit into that [TS]

  class I was so I'm so thrilled to read [TS]

  the Old Testament with with a priest who [TS]

  was gonna walk me through it like it was [TS]

  I like a history lesson [TS]

  oh I still I I should go back there and [TS]

  find that priest and and give him a dead [TS]

  dandruff brush as a gift like an [TS]

  embossed he's gotta be still alive he [TS]

  was a pretty young guy that they live [TS]

  pretty long this guy's they do because [TS]

  they you know they had free food health [TS]

  care free hand jobs [TS]

  mhm subsidized anyway you know they all [TS]

  live together there in the priests house [TS]

  ooh so they don't need money there that [TS]

  that's in Ruth's they talk about that [TS]

  you know the thing is old testament it's [TS]

  a six bit of a slog there's a lot of [TS]

  repetition it could really it could have [TS]

  really stood a second read through [TS]

  before i went to press there's a lot lot [TS]

  of extraneous stuff that was great about [TS]

  this class because I you know as you [TS]

  walk through life right you meet people [TS]

  all the time they're like well I've read [TS]

  the Quran and let me tell you this about [TS]

  that when every one of those people that [TS]

  says that is is a lying sack of shit no [TS]

  one has read the quran because it's like [TS]

  the old testament it's so boring if you [TS]

  start at the front you start reading the [TS]

  first page you just like Oh by four [TS]

  pages in you [TS]

  it took me [TS]

  year 24 pages of the Koran but when you [TS]

  when somebody's walking you through it [TS]

  who knows all the good parts like you [TS]

  know someone who is it who has studied [TS]

  enough priestly stuff to be a judgment [TS]

  this guy knew where all the good stuff [TS]

  was here where all the sex was he knew [TS]

  where all the turning points were and he [TS]

  skipped he skipped by the genealogies [TS]

  and all that stuff and just got like to [TS]

  the heart of the manor [TS]

  I wish I knew I wish I knew it well [TS]

  enough to do that for someone else you [TS]

  know to like give somebody a syllabus [TS]

  about the whole Testament commentaries [TS]

  that you do that in different walks of [TS]

  life [TS]

  I mean I think you give take people to [TS]

  the interesting part sometimes i try i [TS]

  had I take people to the interesting [TS]

  parts of the of the Seattle um you know [TS]

  where this where the sewers connect to [TS]

  the power stations that analogy [TS]

  something to take people down there [TS]

  that's what I like to take people and [TS]

  kill them and take them into the sewers [TS]

  meet the power stations and was funny I [TS]

  mean like if you're a student of [TS]

  literature which you have a man but [TS]

  literary art or literature that's what i [TS]

  call in Florida better area Turcotte [TS]

  literature [TS]

  did you know you would never think like [TS]

  oh I you know I read through i read this [TS]

  short story i read where I'm calling [TS]

  from once and now i'm a learned man but [TS]

  you have to read a lot more than that [TS]

  and you probably have to read that [TS]

  several times if you're gonna consider [TS]

  you somebody said so yourself someone [TS]

  who really knows a lot about something [TS]

  or consider yourself [TS]

  let's say for the sake of argument you [TS]

  know enough about something to judge [TS]

  someone's life and afterlife me it would [TS]

  behoove you and I'm not gonna talk about [TS]

  religion but it would behoove you like [TS]

  if you're any student you would want to [TS]

  like you know learn your times tables [TS]

  until you know it really well but it's [TS]

  just funny [TS]

  you can drop a reference to something [TS]

  like the Old Testament or the new [TS]

  testament or for that matter [TS]

  Shakespeare the Constitution and just [TS]

  because you've heard that thing he [TS]

  suddenly sound like a learned person and [TS]

  that's not even the beginning of the [TS]

  learning apartment but all those things [TS]

  that you mentioned Shakespeare's [TS]

  Constitution and the Bible there are so [TS]

  many references to them throughout all [TS]

  other literature that you if you if you [TS]

  get a just a just a girl [TS]

  gasps of what the original text says [TS]

  then you start to pick it out [TS]

  you see it all the time it occurs [TS]

  everywhere else right so you actually [TS]

  can get a pretty good grip on the iliad [TS]

  and the Old Testament by just by kind of [TS]

  doing a cliff snows CliffsNotes reading [TS]

  of it and then being aware when you see [TS]

  it appear in other books you know [TS]

  because people were people do refer to [TS]

  it like for instance reading where I'm [TS]

  calling from although it is a great work [TS]

  you won't see it you won't see allusions [TS]

  to it in all the other books you read [TS]

  but you're going to see The Iliad come [TS]

  up over and over you could you could [TS]

  hear the phrase Achilles heel your whole [TS]

  life and not realize it's from The Iliad [TS]

  yeah we're here like why like pound of [TS]

  flesh or blood on my hands all are you [TS]

  know that the innumerable basically I [TS]

  mean like if you ever read Hamlet all [TS]

  the way through I've never read the [TS]

  whole handling the whole Hamlet is [TS]

  really really almost every Hamlet that [TS]

  we read is a lot a lot short-short [TS]

  Hamlet right well I can I did that that [TS]

  version in the nineties or whatever that [TS]

  was good because it was beautiful but it [TS]

  was like his long yea yea and that's [TS]

  that was even a little bit abridged but [TS]

  Shakespeare's the same way you if it's [TS]

  in everything and i find that that's [TS]

  true [TS]

  the first time I went to Hollywood right [TS]

  you go to Hollywood and you're driving [TS]

  around and you realize that I mean I had [TS]

  never been to Southern California but I [TS]

  knew it [TS]

  every street sign every street corner [TS]

  I know you know you get to Hollywood and [TS]

  Vine you're like Hollywood and Vine I've [TS]

  heard about this my whole life [TS]

  first time you go to New York City I [TS]

  read every street corner you stand on [TS]

  you realize you've seen it in a movie [TS]

  you've read about it in a book and so [TS]

  that that familiarity with the would not [TS]

  just the place names but like I know [TS]

  what happened here this is the place [TS]

  where the thing happened right right um [TS]

  it makes New York and LA and Paris this [TS]

  makes these places seem well like we all [TS]

  own a little bit of them [TS]

  there's a photograph this photograph of [TS]

  me that is really really blurry for [TS]

  reasons that will become a parent you [TS]

  have a moment in a mustache you wearing [TS]

  an army jacket i am yeah and you're [TS]

  absolutely right you know you know the [TS]

  era and he's not gone deep that the [TS]

  antics of this is because of the great [TS]

  era of merlin mann the moment the [TS]

  mustache on the army jacket you seem to [TS]

  traverse the world now yet again that [TS]

  the mullet the mustache in the Army [TS]

  check it again esop lot of people don't [TS]

  know where that comes from [TS]

  slow and steady slow and steady wins the [TS]

  kebab I in our limited number of days [TS]

  that we had in Manhattan this is how you [TS]

  knew i shouldn'ta lost this one I said [TS]

  my girlfriend we're going to go to this [TS]

  place you're gonna take my picture and [TS]

  so we got on the subway anyway it went [TS]

  north north north north north and we got [TS]

  scared and sort of electrical and 1250 [TS]

  secondary more dead than alive had to [TS]

  take my picture at Lexington 225th you [TS]

  get off haha but I'm literally in motion [TS]

  i stopped long enough to go there and [TS]

  take the picture and then I started [TS]

  running back into the subway [TS]

  yeah this was what year that an STD I [TS]

  got the photo somewhere in 1988 that [TS]

  wasn't a good time to just like two [TS]

  different like like you know like a [TS]

  professionally made sign like for a [TS]

  restaurant or store with misspellings on [TS]

  it there's like this is you know this is [TS]

  New York in the eighties this is not [TS]

  this is pretty Giuliani you know being [TS]

  outgoing thank you [TS]

  there's giant pieces like the street you [TS]

  like when they're like repairing the [TS]

  street then I got fuck it and they bring [TS]

  like a 44 inch piece feet thick piece of [TS]

  steel sheet of Steel just like fucking [TS]

  cover the street we're leaving its it [TS]

  looks like Lebanon haha so I can't leave [TS]

  you guessing that you haven't told you [TS]

  that story before [TS]

  that's amazing you would guess that so [TS]

  fast whether you're talking about like [TS]

  I'm going up i'm going up i'm going up [TS]

  and I'm like well what's up there the [TS]

  merlons not going to the Apollo probably [TS]

  to stand out front said stand out front [TS]

  with your tap shoes and be like I'm [TS]

  ready for my audition like the violent [TS]

  offense now been out there and ya go [TS]

  together at the Cotton Club well so many [TS]

  years later I lived there a hundred [TS]

  eighteen Lexington yes this is before is [TS]

  like around the time you're about to [TS]

  start writing your first record right [TS]

  yeah well the first record was daughter [TS]

  was doing 2001 summer 2001 [TS]

  and I went up there and and lived in [TS]

  Spanish Harlem what they called the bar [TS]

  el barrio and it was the one time in my [TS]

  life where I'm where I actually had a [TS]

  gun pointed at me where it wasn't just [TS]

  some Alaskan guy pointing a gun at you [TS]

  my captain's something he could settle [TS]

  it once it goes like I alright you got a [TS]

  gun i got again right it was that it was [TS]

  an armed robbery and I was with two [TS]

  other people and we're walking [TS]

  obviously we were we were stupid we were [TS]

  walking along the east river at ten [TS]

  o'clock at night in Spanish Harlem and [TS]

  it you know we've been walking up the [TS]

  East River so there's a certain point [TS]

  there's not like gunplay primetime yeah [TS]

  it's sort of like well it'sit's at 98 [TS]

  you're still on the Upper East Side kind [TS]

  of you know and we're just walking and [TS]

  talking and chatting and and we don't [TS]

  realize that we walked into Academy a [TS]

  shooting gallery area where everyone is [TS]

  that they're all these junkies are lying [TS]

  sort of all since stacked like cordwood [TS]

  all around and that we walk over this [TS]

  bridge and this guy in a hooded [TS]

  sweatshirt is standing there and and [TS]

  he's real casual you know he's kind of [TS]

  he's leaning up against the pole and [TS]

  he's got he's got his pistol out and I'm [TS]

  kind of in the lead of the three of us [TS]

  and I walked past him he says something [TS]

  to me i don't see the gun and I go oh [TS]

  hey what's up and I I walked past him [TS]

  I'm 10 feet past him before the girl [TS]

  screams there's three of us to me of guy [TS]

  and his girlfriend and she sees the gun [TS]

  and she stops dead in her tracks and [TS]

  screams and I turn around and I see that [TS]

  he's got the guard on the girl and and I [TS]

  I i have the I'm so indignant and I have [TS]

  to walk back to get in front of this [TS]

  guy's gun you know what I mean like GT [TS]

  that well I was already passed in my you [TS]

  know [TS]

  she if she had kept walking if the other [TS]

  guy w he wouldn't you know he's just [TS]

  sitting there is like the ones you're [TS]

  talking about being a human shield [TS]

  you're saying go back and finish that [TS]

  the robber transaction know that's what [TS]

  I had to do I was like oh my god why [TS]

  didn't you just keep walking [TS]

  so I turn around I walked back and this [TS]

  guy never says a word I mean he said [TS]

  something to me like mermaids stick it [TS]

  up stick them up or whatever I didn't [TS]

  hear him because when you're walking in [TS]

  the dark in Spanish Harlem even if [TS]

  you're even if you are oblivious [TS]

  I mean being oblivious is your greatest [TS]

  strength right i mean some guys down [TS]

  there with the gun goes and then stick [TS]

  them up and you just go [TS]

  yeah great nice to see you and keep [TS]

  walking he's not going to shoot you [TS]

  he's going to understand that it's a [TS]

  misunderstanding [TS]

  he's gonna get hold up the next person [TS]

  or he's gonna run around in front of you [TS]

  and like four see if that looks that [TS]

  looks sort of stupid if he does that [TS]

  yeah right he's not gonna eat he has his [TS]

  own dignity i can write in retrospect he [TS]

  didn't fire a warning shot and say no [TS]

  turn around [TS]

  yeah and he's not the thing is he's not [TS]

  a guy who's like jumping in front of you [TS]

  with his feet spread em is when the [TS]

  gunfire i'm going to freeze you know [TS]

  he's like this guy's keys cool batteries [TS]

  like hey man you know he's like that [TS]

  he's like that the troll under the [TS]

  bridge right he's like let me hold your [TS]

  wallet so i have to have to drag my ass [TS]

  back there I'm all indignant about it [TS]

  and he's like you know throw three [TS]

  wallets on the ground or whatever says [TS]

  to the girl and I pulled my wallet out [TS]

  and I had you know I had stuff in the [TS]

  wallet i wanted to keep and so I you [TS]

  know I take whatever $21 i had and they [TS]

  threw it on the ground piece he wants [TS]

  the wallet and I'm like no don't need [TS]

  the wallet and again I kinda had to grab [TS]

  her by the arm and pull er down the road [TS]

  like she was like a deer in the [TS]

  headlights and my god just keep moving [TS]

  and get out of the way you know what I [TS]

  mean like keep moving [TS]

  don't stand there so yeah we had had to [TS]

  pull these two along and you know all [TS]

  this guy wanted was that if i had 11 [TS]

  sense he would do for it [TS]

  so anyway we get our past and then we [TS]

  had the great adventure of going to the [TS]

  El Barrio police station and trying to [TS]

  pick this hooded this masked gunmen out [TS]

  of a lot of book of mug shots which was [TS]

  it was the ultimate the ultimate example [TS]

  of like mugshots are useless eyewitness [TS]

  accounts are useless we all three of us [TS]

  picked a different person out of the mug [TS]

  book the guy that I picked out the the [TS]

  cop turned the book writer was like well [TS]

  that's interesting i don't think it was [TS]

  him because he's been in jail for the [TS]

  last three years but uh but nice try I [TS]

  was like ah God could have sworn it was [TS]

  him and then then they put me in a cop [TS]

  car and we drove around all the dark [TS]

  spots of the of the barrio looking you [TS]

  know with our spotlight looking for the [TS]

  guy who the guy had written a white swan [TS]

  that's a pretty high level of service [TS]

  very al barrio police department i'm [TS]

  guessing you know they were they were [TS]

  they were great the tops were great i [TS]

  have always felt the new york city [TS]

  police are some of the best in the world [TS]

  having been accosted by many police in [TS]

  many cities New York Police are they're [TS]

  just regular Joe's you know who the LA [TS]

  cops San Francisco cop Seattle cops they [TS]

  all act like they're real special people [TS]

  who are charged with a special mission [TS]

  to keep the peace and there it you know [TS]

  they are working on behalf of the mayor [TS]

  and the governor and they really fit a [TS]

  relief really carry themselves with a [TS]

  lot of you know with the attitude that [TS]

  every single person on the street is a [TS]

  perpetrator and in New York City there [TS]

  like a smoke a bowl and more likes it [TS]

  like a filling a legitimate civil [TS]

  servant [TS]

  yeah they're guys that are you know [TS]

  they're here they're there to keep like [TS]

  they're there to keep bears from running [TS]

  down the middle of the street but beyond [TS]

  that you know let people do with what [TS]

  people do what they're going to do you [TS]

  know if you're gonna you're gonna stop [TS]

  and and and and bust every infraction in [TS]

  new york city that nothing could get [TS]

  done [TS]

  well is that school I went to was really [TS]

  small in there were there you know [TS]

  rotating but like you know for full-time [TS]

  like campus cops called right the campus [TS]

  police there's only four of its all we [TS]

  needed for this campus we talk about the [TS]

  university of south florida [TS]

  well yes and it's smaller is it smaller [TS]

  developmentally disabled daughter new [TS]

  college and but yeah the campus was [TS]

  small and was it might have been more [TS]

  than that but the the four main cops [TS]

  that were around [TS]

  first of all you know they were by and [TS]

  large like you say they were there to [TS]

  keep bears away but at least three of [TS]

  the cops that were retired from being [TS]

  actual cops say I'm pretty sure two of [TS]

  the cops were former new york city cops [TS]

  and one in particular who is the [TS]

  friendliest tub easiest like funniest [TS]

  nicest guy there who could beat your [TS]

  head and if you had to used to work on [TS]

  one of those boats to would drag the [TS]

  river for bodies [TS]

  oh I mean this is a guy who liked dealt [TS]

  with you know dead bleached-out bodies [TS]

  who he saw a lot of shit [TS]

  this guy had been in the shit he's been [TS]

  in the shit yeah exactly the [TS]

  thousand-yard stare and was funny was I [TS]

  mean that sounds that sounds like a [TS]

  cliche but you know he was really nice [TS]

  he he had a very get the correct trigger [TS]

  for when to go ape shit about stuff and [TS]

  when not room and there's one guy [TS]

  becomes shorty was the one guy who seem [TS]

  to be like professional security guard [TS]

  had gotten like come to the big game and [TS]

  he was he was the Barney Fife guy he was [TS]

  like always waiting to pull the bullet [TS]

  out of the public eye kind of guy but I [TS]

  was that was so interesting that [TS]

  somebody would actually had that kind of [TS]

  exposure to people kinda like you right [TS]

  i mean that case i would have been this [TS]

  that screaming lady just for what it's [TS]

  worth because I'm not used to dealing [TS]

  with situations like that treat for you [TS]

  that's something where you just keep [TS]

  your head about you that cop was and he [TS]

  was he was more effective [TS]

  well that's why I always imagined that [TS]

  in life what would what would end up [TS]

  happening to me is that I would end up [TS]

  being the sheriff of a small town in [TS]

  northern washington like twist [TS]

  Washington or something I would end up [TS]

  there retired this year of twists and [TS]

  I'd end up being the sheriff of twists [TS]

  and then if some kind of bad shit [TS]

  happened in twist there was a there is a [TS]

  multiple killing or maybe a drug deal [TS]

  gone bad where [TS]

  bunch of people shot each other and then [TS]

  a local hunter found a bag of money and [TS]

  went on and I would be like the kind of [TS]

  hard-bitten sheriff that was like man [TS]

  what's gone wrong with the world today [TS]

  I've seen a lot of been in the shit I've [TS]

  seen it all [TS]

  uh-huh but if this AMS it'll do till one [TS]

  gets here [TS]

  well like a lot of like a lot of those [TS]

  kinds of sheriffs it seems to me you're [TS]

  somebody who's seen stuff you don't want [TS]

  to see maybe you're back from the Civil [TS]

  War maybe your back from Vietnam your [TS]

  back from somewhere where a lot of you [TS]

  know there were a lot of body parts [TS]

  right B&B rock trenches [TS]

  oh gosh it was amazing what a man like [TS]

  you can see the steely eyes on boys [TS]

  yeah yeah so you went there looking for [TS]

  maybe not a simpler life but sure you [TS]

  want to help people but you're also you [TS]

  may be had with the body parts but now [TS]

  you your imperturbable and and the town [TS]

  of twists us with andy griffith can rest [TS]

  easy knowing knowing that you're there [TS]

  and you're mostly talking people out of [TS]

  things now do you carry a gun in Twisp [TS]

  you got all you don't need a gun I mean [TS]

  you have one in the truck but the thing [TS]

  is I didn't move to twist to be the [TS]

  sheriff I moved up there to get away and [TS]

  then I realized you know the the people [TS]

  of Twisp kind of called on me [TS]

  you said you or maybe not precisely a [TS]

  psychotic loner but you were definitely [TS]

  like in your own cabin maybe working on [TS]

  your latest book and then something [TS]

  happened something happened to the old [TS]

  sheriff but they needed you [TS]

  i'm guessing yeah exactly what you're [TS]

  called upon something happened to the [TS]

  old sheriff and there wasn't anybody to [TS]

  fill these shoes who and I was called [TS]

  upon to be the to be the sheriff and it [TS]

  was it you know I was it was it was a [TS]

  service i was providing my townspeople [TS]

  to resist a little bit first [TS]

  sure yeah I'm not the guy you don't want [TS]

  me that you know I've been in the shit I [TS]

  just came out here to that I just came [TS]

  out here to get to listen to the wind [TS]

  whistled through the pines and then [TS]

  they're like but but sheriff they start [TS]

  calling me sheriff and that's what if [TS]

  thats that's where it starts you know [TS]

  that ok [TS]

  they think they were calling me Sheriff [TS]

  even before it was like just going to [TS]

  walk around carry yourself like a [TS]

  sheriff what kind of crime you get in [TS]

  twist you think you mean you're saying [TS]

  is it mostly is it drug crimes like [TS]

  people growing weed somebody hit [TS]

  somebody with a belt running off the [TS]

  chicken like what kind of shit goes down [TS]

  and twist people you know that so it's [TS]

  real close to the Canadian border and so [TS]

  there's those uh those Hells Angels [TS]

  motorcycle gangs [TS]

  bringing the all motorcycle key but John [TS]

  that is exactly the kind of thing that [TS]

  would have twist calling upon you [TS]

  yeah that's like seven samurai below [TS]

  which is one John yeah here comes the [TS]

  motorcycle game terrorizing the town [TS]

  twisp check the problem with chuck chuck [TS]

  norris of course is the truck doors in [TS]

  that same situation is going to karate [TS]

  chop all those guys huh [TS]

  I come from a different school I'm not [TS]

  gonna be karate-chopping anybody but I [TS]

  am gonna going to be freezing guys in [TS]

  there in their shoes with my steely gaze [TS]

  and mind your own and mind bullets too [TS]

  I've got you I've got mine both become [TS]

  mindful it's all the time yeah i can use [TS]

  my bullets [TS]

  you can also take it down to where the [TS]

  sewers meet the power plant but that was [TS]

  determined holds the terminology that's [TS]

  a long drive from from twist [TS]

  they probably have something like that [TS]

  but the guy they got a ravine or a [TS]

  galley or a creek they have a crack baby [TS]

  definitely have a correct there I think [TS]

  they probably I think it's probably [TS]

  found something in the correct this [TS]

  isn't okay okanagan County Okanogan [TS]

  County that's right population 938 my [TS]

  sorry let me take that back strike that [TS]

  nine thirty thousand two thousand oh my [TS]

  god John John in two thousand the [TS]

  population was 19 when you're feeling [TS]

  better you need to get the fuck up to [TS]

  twist what's happening what's going on [TS]

  well I don't graphic change on the only [TS]

  in the first paragraph but an 938 in the [TS]

  year 2000 is already down to 9 19 and I [TS]

  don't they're losing jobs for people [TS]

  falling in the creek but then I think [TS]

  they might need Sheriff John the fingers [TS]

  the young people in twist they don't [TS]

  they don't see the opportunity of their [TS]

  their their their fathers and grand [TS]

  Pappy's is the is defined so they're [TS]

  moving their problem in the big say [TS]

  they're moving to Seattle and they're [TS]

  joining some kind of River group Cooper [TS]

  rivers they couldn't find jobs maybe [TS]

  that's the twist is located on the [TS]

  methow river and its confluence with the [TS]

  twist prefer the titular twist river [TS]

  mhm the whole town it's 1.2 square miles [TS]

  behind [TS]

  I don't know man I either you there's [TS]

  nothing is long as you get like [TS]

  satellite service or something there's [TS]

  almost nothing you can take bath there I [TS]

  know you love your home I know you love [TS]

  your family i'm just saying there's a [TS]

  lot of things you can do in twist i saw [TS]

  this in a dream you know the twist is a [TS]

  beautiful beautiful little town of its [TS]

  kind of like an Old West town if you if [TS]

  you drive through it's got little [TS]

  clapboard houses and it was a the mining [TS]

  town back in the turn-of-the-century [TS]

  minutes that's exactly the place that I [TS]

  would end up being the sheriff if I was [TS]

  gonna do that but uh but i still haven't [TS]

  decided which you know there are a few [TS]

  different turns my life could take I [TS]

  could also be a tweety professor sitting [TS]

  in his cramped office doing can be [TS]

  honest that's a lot of fucking meetings [TS]

  yeah but I don't teachers have to go to [TS]

  a lot of meetings they do they have to [TS]

  deal with that University hierarchy [TS]

  which I've never it's just the same as [TS]

  getting a job at IBM [TS]

  it's just like working it's worse i mean [TS]

  i began go outside you get outside and [TS]

  do a math problem in settlement men but [TS]

  a place like that you see at undermine [TS]

  them for five years we've got tenure [TS]

  like fucking furniture i think every [TS]

  person at a university is like an HR [TS]

  person at a company like every person [TS]

  you're dealing with including the other [TS]

  professors are talking to you like an HR [TS]

  person yet conservative nervous and [TS]

  easily replaced yeah and and also really [TS]

  concerned about what you're you know [TS]

  really concerned about you and what's [TS]

  going on in your mind and whether or not [TS]

  you did your TPS reports or whatever [TS]

  it's just that sounds like a horrible [TS]

  environment for John you know I had a [TS]

  mentor at the University of Washington [TS]

  who wanted to hear what i say i mentor I [TS]

  mean the mentor of the one mentor of my [TS]

  life perfect this professor named Jim [TS]

  Klaus and he had this vision but he and [TS]

  a few of the other like teachers and [TS]

  students from the comparative history of [TS]

  ideas program we're going to start a new [TS]

  university called the University of the [TS]

  Cascades we were going to go find out we [TS]

  can find a large like an old boy scout [TS]

  camp somewhere up in the mountains and [TS]

  we're going to start a new university [TS]

  there and we would talk about this [TS]

  university over and over and it was it [TS]

  was really a beacon in there are just a [TS]

  small group of us but it was a speaking [TS]

  in our future like and then we will [TS]

  start the University of the Cascades and [TS]

  many they changed it to the University [TS]

  of the Olympics because he liked those [TS]

  mountains [TS]

  Seattle is situated between the olympic [TS]

  mountains in the Cascade Mountains we [TS]

  figured there were more boy scout camps [TS]

  out in the Olympics and so he switched [TS]

  his focus to those mountains and that [TS]

  seemed even better harder to get to the [TS]

  Olympics then the University of the [TS]

  olympics was like this idea that and [TS]

  then them and then he got the cancer [TS]

  oh god that's no good no it was terrible [TS]

  and we got the candy got the cancer [TS]

  really fast it was like one [TS]

  what we hear is to meet weekly and go to [TS]

  this pop dog place called shultzy's on [TS]

  university avenue and we were supposed [TS]

  to meet at shultzy's on Tuesday and he [TS]

  called me and he was like oh I can't eat [TS]

  your cheese this week I was like oh why [TS]

  not he said because i have pancreatic [TS]

  cancer [TS]

  oh my god John that's awful yeah and he [TS]

  died within a couple of months it was it [TS]

  was it was a terrible thing for me he [TS]

  was the one guy in my whole life that [TS]

  ever like whatever kind of showed me the [TS]

  way you know he was a real he was a a [TS]

  pedagogue in the in every sense of the [TS]

  word and miserable that we don't get [TS]

  that opportunity to realize that and [TS]

  then do something nice to thank them [TS]

  until it's way too late [TS]

  yeah yeah although i mean i-i i feel i [TS]

  feel like i had i had a jet the you know [TS]

  I had a chance to tell him what he meant [TS]

  to me and I remember I went to his [TS]

  bedside you know when he's like a little [TS]

  final days and i started i started [TS]

  saying you know he said he said you need [TS]

  to just graduate from college [TS]

  don't worry about all these fantasies [TS]

  that you have about how you're going to [TS]

  graduate from college with the where [TS]

  someone's going to put a Laurel [TS]

  crown on your head and they're gonna [TS]

  they're gonna pronounce you the kball [TS]

  colleges just graduated from college [TS]

  like a normal person I was like but but [TS]

  but I have to do this that and the other [TS]

  and he was like just do this one thing [TS]

  just graduated from college in the [TS]

  simplest possible way and I realized [TS]

  that even there as he lay dying he was [TS]

  trying to help me and I was stuck with [TS]

  being a pain in his as like no no here's [TS]

  how I'm gonna do it I'm gonna graduate [TS]

  from college but when i do they're going [TS]

  to realize that that from that day forth [TS]

  all colleges is meaningless and that [TS]

  people just need to listen to me from [TS]

  here on out he was like listen with my [TS]

  with my some of my last breath i'm going [TS]

  to tell you just don't do that just just [TS]

  be a normal person and graduate from [TS]

  college just do this one simple thing I [TS]

  still haven't done that but I'm yeah but [TS]

  you but but but you moved on from [TS]

  thinking I assume that you're going to [TS]

  change the the way we think about [TS]

  colleges has emerged that so you moved [TS]

  on in your way a little bit little bit [TS]

  yeah it was very sad because with him [TS]

  but he was the motivating factor of this [TS]

  this call this university we were going [TS]

  to start out in the trees and without [TS]

  him in a no one else had the no one else [TS]

  had the complete vision you know he was [TS]

  the one that was a that he was actually [TS]

  a PhD you know the rest of us were just [TS]

  right just satellites or whatever I mean [TS]

  not that's not to say there were a bunch [TS]

  of phd's around him but he was the one [TS]

  that had the he burned like a hot Sun [TS]

  this guy you could you tell I was wrong [TS]

  to be on the team for freer school [TS]

  program for a variety of reasons because [TS]

  i was I i SAT erect in my chair [TS]

  throughout every part of that I was like [TS]

  yes yes and this will be out with the [TS]

  camps and the lodge in the wood and I [TS]

  was yes yes and then you told me you [TS]

  thought about calling university [TS]

  olympics and completely lost interesting [TS]

  haha that's why Pentagon i am it's like [TS]

  and I realized I mean I just thought [TS]

  that with the collar University of the [TS]

  Cascades is the one of the coolest names [TS]

  I've ever heard em but as soon as it was [TS]

  university Olympics you're like I can't [TS]

  but I don't want to wear that sweatshirt [TS]

  will do that did that [TS]

  see this is you probably won't like this [TS]

  did that ever factor into your thinking [TS]

  because Gonzaga is a pretty freaky name [TS]

  for a school especially since a lot of [TS]

  people mistakenly call it Gonzaga i [TS]

  called it Gonzaga until I heard your dad [TS]

  pronounced in front of me wants and [TS]

  until then I thought it was gone saga [TS]

  yeah i think a lot of people do yeah i [TS]

  mean it really that Gonzaga it's named [TS]

  Jack it's alright that was pretty good [TS]

  pretty klutz you know Gonzaga is named [TS]

  after a guy a lot of people are named [TS]

  not a lot of universities are named [TS]

  after some old guy some dead guys my [TS]

  sister would say some dead rich guy from [TS]

  the past why do I want to go to these [TS]

  castles and museums it's just a bunch of [TS]

  dead rich people that season that's my [TS]

  sister and that's my sister walking [TS]

  through Rome let's go in here why don't [TS]

  want to go in there it's a bunch of [TS]

  stuff from dead rich people [TS]

  Susan it's the word Rome go on you and [TS]

  your sister traveling you to traveling [TS]

  together sounds like a NBC sitcom they [TS]

  would not be picked up for a second [TS]

  season [TS]

  she's like yeah we're in Rome where [TS]

  their discotheques everywhere [TS]

  why do we want to go to these old places [TS]

  for Musti dirt like what are you talking [TS]

  about discotheques [TS]

  Oh traveling with her was like travel [TS]

  with a traveling with an untamed [TS]

  she-wolf under wanna look like held back [TS]

  with a piece of dental floss come [TS]

  holding onto this mint-flavored floss [TS]

  and she's just like disco are there are [TS]

  I'm like disco not gonna go to at Roman [TS]

  disco but you don't know how to live we [TS]

  were everybody's a dumb shit that's the [TS]

  problem and I and the problem is it's [TS]

  one thing to be a dumb shit and it's [TS]

  another thing to be a slightly [TS]

  above-average intelligence dumb shit [TS]

  which makes you 10 * fucking dumber than [TS]

  the dumbest dumb shit because because i [TS]

  was so genetically incapable of seeing [TS]

  what a dumbfuck I was and you know it [TS]

  makes me resistant even try and help [TS]

  anybody because obviously i'm still kind [TS]

  of an idiot but you know what i mean [TS]

  like it and the things that people would [TS]

  say to me that seems so saying about how [TS]

  to treat other people and how to behave [TS]

  and how to make decisions I just thought [TS]

  they were that they were square Bates [TS]

  justjust dumbasses [TS]

  uh-huh I mean you must have gone through [TS]

  this a little bit oh I was tortured by [TS]

  other people are coming up because I [TS]

  we felt like I felt I i I'm really kept [TS]

  trying to do the right thing i'm in my [TS]

  interactions with other people and that [TS]

  invariably sets you on the course for [TS]

  doom and destruction if you're trying to [TS]

  be normal you know what I mean like a [TS]

  normal team who is not thinking about [TS]

  doing the right thing [TS]

  normal team is just trying to do you [TS]

  know trying to do something anything in [TS]

  at any opportunity right arm [TS]

  normal team is not flying up above the [TS]

  scenario trying to discern what the best [TS]

  course of action for everyone involved [TS]

  is and and I spent my whole young life [TS]

  watching people go about their living [TS]

  and wondering and standing in the middle [TS]

  of it like one of those stop motion [TS]

  scenes in the movie where everyone's [TS]

  moving really fast and the person in the [TS]

  center is is moving super slow and he's [TS]

  like but but wait you know and people [TS]

  just getting on with it and I'm and I [TS]

  was in the I was in this like this [TS]

  constant cloud of thinking that that all [TS]

  the all the petty little problems that [TS]

  people were getting into we could just [TS]

  figure out and and and figure out what [TS]

  the what the right thing to do is and [TS]

  then do that and you know and I think [TS]

  that's why later on I i I'd over into [TS]

  drugs and and bad and doing bad things [TS]

  because later on I was like well you [TS]

  know what [TS]

  like none of that trying to do good [TS]

  produced anything but sadness in me and [TS]

  everyone I touched so now i'm just going [TS]

  to be to be bad i'm gonna do the bad [TS]

  stuff i'm gonna do all the bad stuff and [TS]

  maybe that way i'll come out the other [TS]

  side and it will all have evened out [TS]

  somehow you know and that didn't work [TS]

  either [TS]

  that was just that was just bad that was [TS]

  just doing bad things for their own sake [TS]

  and and you know it still was a kind of [TS]

  like overthinking overthinking what you [TS]

  doing bad things for the sake of doing [TS]

  bad things you're thinking too much [TS]

  yeah you know just go like you want to [TS]

  be with the girl go try and be with the [TS]

  girl you don't it doesn't have to be [TS]

  that you it's doesn't have to be like a [TS]

  like an epic poem just go try to be with [TS]

  the girl [TS]

  well the notices the frustrating part on [TS]

  both sides of the equation [TS]

  it's a you think about like trying to my [TS]

  daughter's a little young for this but I [TS]

  try to think about how you teach a kid [TS]

  to ride a bike and the first time the [TS]

  kid gets on a bike they fall down and [TS]

  they don't ride the bike anymore because [TS]

  there's no way they're ever gonna be [TS]

  able to ride a bike and actually him and [TS]

  took him and combined until they get [TS]

  back on the ball you hit him with the [TS]

  bike and you say you like this i can [TS]

  help with the bike like this like stand [TS]

  up but if you you know the thing is if [TS]

  you know how to ride a bike how do you [TS]

  describe to somebody how to ride a bike [TS]

  you might have a couple ideas but [TS]

  basically just go we ride the bike and [TS]

  it seems so obvious i'm not saying you [TS]

  can't help somebody do that but it's [TS]

  really i think it's really frustrating [TS]

  as a former as a former cereal dumbfuck [TS]

  whose hopefully trying to get a little [TS]

  better at some of it it's really [TS]

  frustrating part i think a lot of this [TS]

  comes down to like I can't fix you and I [TS]

  can't prevent you from doing everything [TS]

  wrong but your students doing [TS]

  I see you doing something that I can [TS]

  promise you is so fucking stupid and d [TS]

  railing and i wish i could get you to [TS]

  see how stupid and direct its and that's [TS]

  the thing that you're least likely to [TS]

  change in somebody like you say just ask [TS]

  her out she's scared to know if she says [TS]

  no you know what [TS]

  that's okay you're not gonna die yeah I [TS]

  kept I kept thinking and I kept thinking [TS]

  that there was i mean i'm not alone in [TS]

  this there's [TS]

  though there's a world of people [TS]

  thinking this but you know everybody [TS]

  thinks there's a secret to life [TS]

  I kept thinking that the secret to life [TS]

  was attainable and I was going to you [TS]

  know once i figured it out i was gonna [TS]

  share it with everybody how God was just [TS]

  like that said that's a tough formula [TS]

  boy kid but you know if I went back and [TS]

  talked to myself right now if I stood in [TS]

  front of my 17 year old cell and grabbed [TS]

  myself by my stupid shirt that you know [TS]

  my stupid kind of like like a plan that [TS]

  patchwork shirt that i thought was [TS]

  hilarious and cool grab myself by that [TS]

  shirt lift myself up off the ground and [TS]

  set all this to myself I would just be [TS]

  like yeah whatever man whatever old bad [TS]

  yeah no I'm the worst example of [TS]

  everything that I thought was wrong you [TS]

  know in a lot of ways because not [TS]

  because i think i think i can help you [TS]

  know all this this kid i'm going to try [TS]

  and help not knowing that kid already [TS]

  knows everything and plus i'm obviously [TS]

  some kind of a doofus now and I remember [TS]

  thinking like i said i was standing [TS]

  outside the library yesterday and I was [TS]

  watching this you know very old woman [TS]

  crossing the street and you know people [TS]

  being very impatient with their cars and [TS]

  she's just an old lady trying to cross [TS]

  the street she's a hunched over and shit [TS]

  and i was thinking like I remember [TS]

  there's green matter came over and get [TS]

  out of the way people have to go places [TS]

  madam if you throw your phone matter [TS]

  what I remember was a net and I never [TS]

  overtly thought this but now i know i [TS]

  was actually i was taking this so often [TS]

  that I didn't even need two men think it [TS]

  i thought people who got old did [TS]

  something fucked up and wrong [TS]

  ok know that they were so stupid that [TS]

  they were stupid or like just didn't [TS]

  realize that you could be eternally [TS]

  young and healthy forever and and [TS]

  obviously used to fucking idiot because [TS]

  you got old [TS]

  oh my my my best version of that is I [TS]

  thought for a long time that Street [TS]

  drunks and hobos had the wisdom of the [TS]

  sages I got this my Tom Waits face o.o [TS]

  its everybody's time with you know it's [TS]

  it's it's the Bukowski years right where [TS]

  you are going to schools and they teach [TS]

  you nothing it's just a bunch of block [TS]

  you know why because none of those [TS]

  teachers have little [TS]

  lived that's really actually lived you [TS]

  need to go down to skid row [TS]

  yep and find the guys who have you know [TS]

  who have a literally have tire tracks on [TS]

  their face and lay down next to them in [TS]

  the in the in the piss Phil gutter and [TS]

  say tell me man [TS]

  what is the fucking secret and these [TS]

  guys are gonna go adding adding adding [TS]

  adding adding that let you finger me for [TS]

  a quarter [TS]

  I remember I was standing down as some [TS]

  soup kitchen line one time and some guy [TS]

  with one arm walks over to me and he's [TS]

  got a pack of camel straits in his hand [TS]

  and he goes hey brother can you help me [TS]

  out and he holds out the pack of [TS]

  cigarettes then I'm standing there you [TS]

  know trying to be trying to be real cool [TS]

  real street and I don't know what he's I [TS]

  don't always ask him to help him out [TS]

  this point is pack of cigarettes at me [TS]

  I'm like yeah sure man what a what's [TS]

  going on you know and I kind of hold [TS]

  might like it [TS]

  hold my hand up like I'm gonna kind of [TS]

  high-five his cigarette pack or whatever [TS]

  he's like uh it does help me out your [TS]

  brother you know and I realized he's [TS]

  looking for looking for a fire wingman [TS]

  please let my cigarette though he's only [TS]

  got one arm you can open his pack of [TS]

  cigarettes right and so oh oh I get it I [TS]

  get it I get it okay on you want me to [TS]

  open your package cigarettes i got it [TS]

  you know all these guys dinner like yeah [TS]

  so like I grabbed this pack of [TS]

  cigarettes horrible but also for a [TS]

  collective group of people just like six [TS]

  guys it's raining always get out of the [TS]

  soup kitchen live there [TS]

  and he comes over to me because I'm like [TS]

  the one guy he thinks I'm just gonna run [TS]

  off with his cigarettes or whatever but [TS]

  at this point in my life I'm 17 years [TS]

  old I've never opened to pack of [TS]

  cigarettes in my life and I stick my [TS]

  finger in one end of the top of the pack [TS]

  of cigarettes and just pull across the [TS]

  top of the back like like I'm opening a [TS]

  bag of chips and this guy who's [TS]

  expecting me to open the pack of [TS]

  cigarettes like a guy you know you take [TS]

  the cellophane and then you rip the [TS]

  little one side of the the foil you're [TS]

  ripping two different ways and open it [TS]

  up and fold it back so that so that you [TS]

  can tap out one cigarette a time you [TS]

  know I rip this thing open like a bag of [TS]

  Fritos and this one-armed guy goes [TS]

  ballistic [TS]

  he's like what the fuck are you doing [TS]

  man why'd you fuck up my cigarette pack [TS]

  god stop got Apple stupid bullshit abs [TS]

  the cigarettes out of my head you know [TS]

  now he's got this cut basically like a [TS]

  paper cup full of cigarettes but he's [TS]

  gotta figure out how to keep out of the [TS]

  rain and these storms off he's screaming [TS]

  at me from across the Pioneer Square you [TS]

  know like that ass all over never going [TS]

  to happen to have a diameter i'm [TS]

  standing looking around for that these [TS]

  other guys for some support and they're [TS]

  all [TS]

  yeah so I was so humiliated and so you [TS]

  know just like new new [TS]

  yeah that you're the fish in the cell [TS]

  there who I kills you're like just that [TS]

  just kills your hobo credit if you [TS]

  didn't make a single cup [TS]

  yeah yeah yeah no such a play with such [TS]

  a fox pass but I mean my hobo cred was [TS]

  already kind of in question because I [TS]

  had I had a peach fuzz beard and I think [TS]

  I was probably still wearing that same [TS]

  patchwork plaid shirt that i thought was [TS]

  so cool i might have even had a bandana [TS]

  tied around my neck of it out [TS]

  whatever it was like an eight-year-old [TS]

  assistance he likes trains yeah these [TS]

  guys were these guys were drinking [TS]

  sterno haha that was like hey fellas I [TS]

  help you with that straight life sure is [TS]

  tough so how'd you lose the arm [TS]

  yeah yeah I got a couple years of my [TS]

  life that down there like you know hey [TS]

  Gigi would do is to do like hers fellas [TS]

  was Vietnam like other it's it's brutal [TS]

  that's address exactly the same way now [TS]

  but then when you when you have you know [TS]

  when you when you had your tough times [TS]

  there you you aren't too too far off [TS]

  from that I mean probably make that [TS]

  noise but no no anyways were like that i [TS]

  made that noise sure enough the middle [TS]

  and that's the thing it doesn't take you [TS]

  long if that's what you're looking for [TS]

  you can you can end up in being somebody [TS]

  like that doing is you you when you see [TS]

  it when you see a street person [TS]

  particularly or alcoholic you know a lot [TS]

  of street people are have legitimate [TS]

  mental problems but if you if you want [TS]

  to get there if you want to get to be a [TS]

  street person just just strictly as an [TS]

  alcoholic drug addict you can get their [TS]

  surprisingly fast especially with the [TS]

  crack it seems like you could be there [TS]

  inside of a month [TS]

  well the crack or I mean there are [TS]

  plenty of people who have who died of [TS]

  alcoholism in their early thirties you [TS]

  know you just drink themselves to death [TS]

  by the time the 33 so I mean it doesn't [TS]

  you think when you're 22 or or whatever [TS]

  that you're you're kind of playing a [TS]

  game where you have to have all have a [TS]

  thousand years to figure it out but you [TS]

  can make a couple of couple of bad turns [TS]

  and it only takes a couple of like oopsy [TS]

  uh-huh and no should I lost my job in my [TS]

  apartment in the same week and now i [TS]

  don't have up you know now I don't have [TS]

  anywhere to go and oh shit and then I [TS]

  like got an infection on my toe and they [TS]

  don't have a place where i can get dry [TS]

  shoes [TS]

  oh shit you know and it's just a couple [TS]

  of things and all the sudden year you're [TS]

  actually in real trouble and yeah it was [TS]

  it was funny how fast i went from being [TS]

  of like a 17 year old who didn't know [TS]

  how to open a pack of cigarettes to [TS]

  being somebody who you know I i could [TS]

  look it a couple of different directions [TS]

  be like oh there's no good there's no [TS]

  good way this is going to turn out but I [TS]

  mean this is a professional know and [TS]

  it's the it's like these efforts for the [TS]

  conventionalism like another version of [TS]

  like being this in my case of suburban [TS]

  kid where I could I could hold these two [TS]

  ideas in my mind on the one hand i [TS]

  wanted to be like somebody i proceeded [TS]

  to be from a Tom Waits song or maybe [TS]

  like Mickey Rourke in barfly or just [TS]

  don't like that wasted right but then I [TS]

  also wanted my mom to pick me up because [TS]

  I feel like walking home from the mall [TS]

  yeah there's the enemy's due to [TS]

  completely to completely like you know [TS]

  irreconcilable things one that is the [TS]

  thing if you if you spend much time with [TS]

  Bukowski or a or Kerouac or any of the [TS]

  great drugs they all want their mom to [TS]

  pick them up [TS]

  you know that's the thing they want to [TS]

  go through a lot of moms but Williams [TS]

  right the ones that managed to write [TS]

  their their dramatic elegantly wasted [TS]

  story down they had so many moms picking [TS]

  them up you remember kowski Bukowski was [TS]

  such a little crybaby little brat you [TS]

  know maybe so do you really think that's [TS]

  true you don't think you don't think [TS]

  there's a persona was the cry baby brat [TS]

  or them with the tough-guy alcohol i [TS]

  don't know i mean i-i think you can talk [TS]

  in the same way that you could I talk [TS]

  yourself into being a hobo I I wonder [TS]

  sometimes especially with hunter s [TS]

  thompson and Bukowski i read a letter [TS]

  from him [TS]

  I don't have a couple things for him he [TS]

  was a very very good writer [TS]

  I mean he was not like a deranged man [TS]

  all right you know what I mean it's [TS]

  funny it's the same old things like Oh [TS]

  Hemingway drink a lot so I'm gonna drink [TS]

  a lot and then i'll be able to write the [TS]

  old man and the sea or whatever I mean I [TS]

  don't think that's that far off a lot of [TS]

  people who think oh you know I read a [TS]

  little bit of both layer and and now i [TS]

  want consumption or something or [TS]

  syphilis [TS]

  I think that's absolutely true Bukowski [TS]

  I think he thought he would drink and [TS]

  drink himself into being Hemingway and [TS]

  eat he turned out to be pretty good at [TS]

  it i think the drinking the death part [TS]

  yeah and the being anyway I mean I think [TS]

  his book i think his poetry is great i [TS]

  mean his books are all the same but i [TS]

  think his poetry is some of them [TS]

  some of the best well to me I don't know [TS]

  I should come up with a name for this [TS]

  like him hundreds Thompson Joni Mitchell [TS]

  neil young Bob Dylan there are these [TS]

  people who spawned so many horrible [TS]

  imitators that you almost wish they [TS]

  hadn't existed but there's so many [TS]

  people I like hunter s thompson is [TS]

  writing so much but I like hundreds [TS]

  Thompson's writing the people the people [TS]

  who decided to try and ate what they [TS]

  perceive to be his persona and then kind [TS]

  of half-assed their way through this [TS]

  this style of writing that didn't have [TS]

  the same editorial care that he did like [TS]

  use it [TS]

  he was a really good writer he meant [TS]

  every word of that to sound that way you [TS]

  know it wasn't he wasn't just a deranged [TS]

  guy at the airport [TS]

  you know he created that that feeling in [TS]

  that tone and who wrote done Bukowski [TS]

  right [TS]

  barfly they write that oh yeah yeah but [TS]

  I mean you have to have your senses the [TS]

  problem you know it's a glam Faulkner [TS]

  wrote he drank when he wasn't drinking [TS]

  excuse me he drank when he wasn't [TS]

  writing like either because he was done [TS]

  with the project because he was you know [TS]

  what I'm saying [TS]

  did not sit down and get drunk in order [TS]

  right it's like it's such a turn-on it's [TS]

  such a cop-out it's something that seems [TS]

  so romantic [TS]

  when you're younger like me sitting [TS]

  there with a hat i bought at goodwill [TS]

  and a manual typewriter like thinking [TS]

  that I was going to be you know anybody [TS]

  that has a manual typewriter a hat was [TS]

  ridiculous [TS]

  your kids are stupid fucks so fucking [TS]

  stupid we can't put them in camps yet so [TS]

  i think we are there were getting closer [TS]

  we're getting closer all the time I [TS]

  think people are fed up I've been [TS]

  talking to people about i am not the [TS]

  only one I think I think the sympathy [TS]

  for teenagers in particular is is [TS]

  plummeting really oh I do you know the [TS]

  total idea teenagers we invented that [TS]

  that's an invention [TS]

  yeah that's true that's a technology its [TS]

  well you go back you go back to any [TS]

  other any other century before the 20th [TS]

  century there was no such thing as not [TS]

  even a twentieth-century my mom talks [TS]

  about it leaves a 5250 yeah but being a [TS]

  teenager in the fifties and she said [TS]

  that there was absolutely no interest [TS]

  among her peers in being anything other [TS]

  than adult as soon as you possibly could [TS]

  because your child until you became an [TS]

  adult [TS]

  that's right you think it was like they [TS]

  were like r-rated movies or something [TS]

  so my mom when I think about when I [TS]

  think about her life she turned 21 [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  in 1955 which was the birth of rock and [TS]

  roll [TS]

  uh-huh and she was living in ohio which [TS]

  was like the heart of where [TS]

  rock-and-roll really caught fire and she [TS]

  worked at a radio station you know she [TS]

  worked over to the television station [TS]

  but she you know she was friends with [TS]

  DJs and Elvis and Jerry Lee Lewis and [TS]

  and Fats Domino and all this stuff was [TS]

  happening right there and I've [TS]

  Christopher million times it was like [TS]

  you know was there because we think [TS]

  about a twenty-one-year-old right now 21 [TS]

  and those your prime like that if if if [TS]

  there if there is a rock music scene [TS]

  happening like you're 21 years old [TS]

  you're in the heart of it right that's [TS]

  that's the beginning of your rock [TS]

  appreciation years but differently you [TS]

  can't you couldn't fathom a world in [TS]

  which somebody 21 with direct access to [TS]

  rock and roll would not be steeped in at [TS]

  22 hours a day [TS]

  yeah and she said that was music that [TS]

  was music and culture for little [TS]

  children and I was 21 and so I was [TS]

  wearing white gloves and a pillbox hat [TS]

  and was going to I guess is right before [TS]

  the pillbox happen when I was wearing [TS]

  adult clothes and i was listening to [TS]

  smooth jazz which is what adults did and [TS]

  the end there was no i wasn't gonna go [TS]

  sit in a crowd of of little girls like [TS]

  screaming at some greaser right I was [TS]

  like well i hear ya you know and she's [TS]

  like that's some kind of this whole [TS]

  business of T of being a teenager was [TS]

  invented right then and didn't exist [TS]

  before really before bro or two and and [TS]

  the idea that you could be a 27 year old [TS]

  teenager you know that's only 15 years [TS]

  old but now this I was so I was so you [TS]

  know it's funny as you get older and you [TS]

  make these connections you figure out [TS]

  things like oh my god my friends parents [TS]

  wedding date is no fewer than nine [TS]

  months after you don't mean like you [TS]

  figure out these oh my God all these [TS]

  things we go oh my gosh this is not what [TS]

  it appears to be like they were pregnant [TS]

  she's bringing when they got me [TS]

  hi marcus when I will suddenly realized [TS]

  oh my god [TS]

  you used to be young and like this [TS]

  beatles album was out when you were you [TS]

  know she was in her twenties but I was [TS]

  like oh my gosh that you can add like [TS]

  really into like into the beatles and [TS]

  they're like oh I mean and I don't know [TS]

  if this is not what your mom was saying [TS]

  but in that case it was like you [TS]

  understand now where this is from [TS]

  southern Ohio so there's the Indian [TS]

  influence as you know [TS]

  yeah southern Ohio is might as well be a [TS]

  politer out we yeah we you better people [TS]

  better might as well be that little true [TS]

  southern Ohio is Dixie I've only ever [TS]

  heard secondhand ever heard people use [TS]

  the phrase race music but i think that [TS]

  might as well and yet ironically know [TS]

  you don't mean it was something was de [TS]

  clase or as your power column below it [TS]

  was ghosh it wasn't the kind of thing [TS]

  that an adult would listen to and so she [TS]

  was they were really in a king cole and [TS]

  and that was the coolest thing they're [TS]

  into his neck and Cole after the trio [TS]

  like him singing I'm talking about like [TS]

  they're in a mantovani they were they [TS]

  were originally it was called beautiful [TS]

  music right now that you did that's what [TS]

  you did [TS]

  yeah yeah I in fact I i think i think my [TS]

  mom said the first Beatles song that [TS]

  really connected with her she said that [TS]

  we met when yesterday came out that was [TS]

  the sort of the beatles that converted [TS]

  that the whole generation of adults who [TS]

  were they realized oh these these teeny [TS]

  boppers actually are writing actually [TS]

  capable of writing beautiful music [TS]

  because yesterday was a song that [TS]

  appealed across generations in class and [TS]

  and when that song came out the way my [TS]

  mom describes that you know even my dad [TS]

  who was who was by that time 45 years [TS]

  old even he appreciated that song [TS]

  Frank Sinatra appreciated that song like [TS]

  it was that was the moment that the [TS]

  Beatles grew up and became something [TS]

  that you could that you could say that [TS]

  you can appreciate being something other [TS]

  than just for children never and and [TS]

  that always stuck with me like you think [TS]

  about yesterday as being just one of the [TS]

  many great people songs but to think of [TS]

  it as a watershed moment [TS]

  in their own career where they were they [TS]

  were growing up and that's like the most [TS]

  covered song of all time the most [TS]

  covered songs of all time because every [TS]

  single person in the world looks back at [TS]

  their past and wishes they had done it [TS]

  differently [TS]

  yeah houses this is really this is a [TS]

  good one [TS]

  this is going to really look at it it's [TS]

  just constant let me ask you this did [TS]

  you how much do you worry about Venus [TS]

  like I i am finally accepting the extent [TS]

  to which i just could fucking care less [TS]

  about almost everything you know I think [TS]

  that letter birds fun i believe is the [TS]

  one who said that you're not you're not [TS]

  obligated to appreciate any music that [TS]

  was written during your lifetime but [TS]

  something like that but like right now [TS]

  like I just I hear that hear everything [TS]

  comes out and I I sound like the kind of [TS]

  people i hated when I was 16 [TS]

  because I it just it really i mean like [TS]

  it even want to hear like a really good [TS]

  like any rock band I'm like okay that [TS]

  sounds like a not as good version of the [TS]

  Buzzcocks or whatever I don't like what [TS]

  you like now you this is your part of [TS]

  the industry you have to know these [TS]

  things you have to keep up-to-date right [TS]

  mm you feared you fear the focus you [TS]

  kind of always been filling in some ways [TS]

  right well that's exactly right i mean i [TS]

  remember when i was 16 years old [TS]

  a friend of mine and I were over at his [TS]

  house and he was one of those kids that [TS]

  called his parents by their first name [TS]

  and it's not because they were hippies [TS]

  it was because they were they were like [TS]

  I don't know what I i never understood [TS]

  their family that family dynamic but [TS]

  this kid's name was Eric and his his [TS]

  dad's name is Dean and his mom's name [TS]

  was ed and he called demon ed and we [TS]

  were over at demon eighties so we of [TS]

  course we all did you know there are [TS]

  other DVD Spurlock's and his mom said to [TS]

  us kind of this is one of those things [TS]

  that I'm I'm always careful not to say [TS]

  to kids [TS]

  I'm always careful not to talk to [TS]

  teenagers this way because everyone's [TS]

  well somebody would say this some [TS]

  well-meaning adult would say this type [TS]

  of thing to me and it really you know [TS]

  your mind works on it for years [TS]

  afterwards but she said she said to me [TS]

  and her son she was like um listen boys [TS]

  I know your peers don't think you're [TS]

  handsome now [TS]

  but you're both very handsome men and [TS]

  you just haven't grown into it yet but [TS]

  rest assure the criminal perspective you [TS]

  guys are both going to be very handsome [TS]

  man and you just relax don't worry that [TS]

  you are awkward that she actually think [TS]

  that was going to be helpful at uniting [TS]

  don't worry that you are awkward ugly [TS]

  unappealing teenagers because you have [TS]

  you are clearly going to grow up and be [TS]

  handsome men and we were both like blue [TS]

  and kind of Sally Roe looked at each [TS]

  other when she said this to us as we're [TS]

  walking out the door like on our way out [TS]

  like bye see you later she was like oh [TS]

  by the way boys just one last thing [TS]

  before you go [TS]

  and so we go get in his car were both [TS]

  like oh and he's like ah you know sorry [TS]

  my mom sometimes I was like no no it's [TS]

  fine it's fine you know we're both like [TS]

  turning it over months for handsome men [TS]

  ok but where unappealing teenagers all [TS]

  right uh no [TS]

  and at that moment I knew that I was an [TS]

  old fogey you know she planted in my [TS]

  mind the idea that Mike mark best years [TS]

  were always gonna be in front of me I [TS]

  was always going to be chasing after the [TS]

  you know I'm gonna be one of those [TS]

  people that becomes becomes beautiful as [TS]

  he becomes the gray you know like and so [TS]

  I've never I've never been worried about [TS]

  being hip but what I what I'm noticing [TS]

  now as i get older is that I have to [TS]

  resist the fatalism that comes with that [TS]

  but they're like well fuck it you know [TS]

  000 people get fat so why not just let [TS]

  it happen or like you kids go run and [TS]

  play [TS]

  I'll just sit here and sort rust emails [TS]

  into different jars should know like I [TS]

  have no worry about me i got the nail [TS]

  jars i got my nail jars i got some [TS]

  screws over here get to or i can finish [TS]

  the males and and I got all these cans i [TS]

  think about worry about becoming [TS]

  calcified or or inflexible you know the [TS]

  same kind of people who said you know [TS]

  who [TS]

  look down their nose at the bread you [TS]

  know whatever Jerry Lee Lewis or or rap [TS]

  music or whatever they call hip-hop now [TS]

  that but you know I wonder what I'm [TS]

  missing out on by being the way I am [TS]

  but then I see teenagers i get so [TS]

  fucking angry i see themselves and only [TS]

  thing to do with that like I want all of [TS]

  you to be put somewhere because [TS]

  everything you're doing is wrong [TS]

  yeah the secret to the 20 to the fact [TS]

  that like I don't understand [TS]

  I really don't understand video games [TS]

  that that that require tremendous [TS]

  investment of time and practice that's [TS]

  actually that's a perfect example [TS]

  you know what I mean like I don't [TS]

  understand them I i played video games [TS]

  when i was a kid i was there at the [TS]

  birth of video games as a kid I was [TS]

  their target audience but I didn't make [TS]

  the transition to first-person shooter [TS]

  games I didn't make the transition from [TS]

  the video games it wasn't it wasn't like [TS]

  you said there with a headset planes [TS]

  you said there with a headset planes [TS]

  that's for 16 hours a day but but I I [TS]

  fully understand i see in the culture i [TS]

  see that video game that internet that [TS]

  immersive video games are are simply a [TS]

  thing that i do not understand they I [TS]

  can I i am not in a position to say to [TS]

  make a value judgment about them because [TS]

  they are simply I think I do not [TS]

  understand and and there was a while I [TS]

  think what I would have said that they [TS]

  were bullshit but that is where that [TS]

  that is coming from the same voice of [TS]

  somebody that says that Elvis is jungle [TS]

  music or right now it's the same [TS]

  ignorance that that the only way you can [TS]

  express your ignorance is it as like [TS]

  Angry contempt or whatever and so I have [TS]

  to say I have to step out i act like i [TS]

  have i've completely stepped away from [TS]

  the conversation about hip hop in [TS]

  American culture because i was i was [TS]

  very invested in hip hop up to a point [TS]

  and then it lost me and then I then it [TS]

  went into a realm where and now I don't [TS]

  relate to it I there's very little [TS]

  hip-hop now that I really to it all but [TS]

  just to make any comment about it i is [TS]

  just just it [TS]

  the only thing i can say with authority [TS]

  is I don't understand it [TS]

  good luck god bless I cannot I cannot [TS]

  make a value judgment about modern hip [TS]

  hop because I just don't have not [TS]

  invested the time to understand that so [TS]

  that's that's where I am with video [TS]

  games I I feel this I mean I I at least [TS]

  have hopefully the presence of mind to [TS]

  go there must be something here I have [TS]

  lots of friends who are really smart [TS]

  my concern with the video games I think [TS]

  it's way bigger than I ever expected or [TS]

  ever will get yeah and i think there's [TS]

  this whole thing it's like I refuse to [TS]

  believe in cars or something you know [TS]

  what I mean I i was watching thing I [TS]

  don't know how I got here I was [TS]

  searching the internet as you do and i [TS]

  got to a thing and I got to another [TS]

  thing and I was in that somebody was [TS]

  pranking somebody and I was watching a [TS]

  YouTube video of somebody get pranked [TS]

  and then you over on the side there's [TS]

  all these like if you like that youtube [TS]

  video you should watch this and side i'm [TS]

  following a chain and I get to this [TS]

  YouTube video [TS]

  we're guy has screen captured himself [TS]

  playing a video game and he and and then [TS]

  the point of the video is that he is a [TS]

  pirate and other people are playing this [TS]

  multi multiplayer game and it's a [TS]

  civilization game out in space where [TS]

  they have battleships and they're [TS]

  sailing from different planets and [TS]

  they're collecting resources and all [TS]

  this type of thing and he is he screen [TS]

  capturing himself stealing somebody [TS]

  else's battleship and then realizing it [TS]

  because they're all talking to each [TS]

  other you know what i mean and i'm [TS]

  watching this video and and what's on [TS]

  the screen is just gibberish to me it's [TS]

  like a okay we're in outer space and [TS]

  they see little their little menus on [TS]

  either side of the screen and obviously [TS]

  somebody has a collection of battleships [TS]

  somewhere and and this guy is kind of [TS]

  typing at the bottom like now I'm going [TS]

  to steal their battleship watch this and [TS]

  you hear people talking they're like [TS]

  wait a minute where's battleship X and [TS]

  and you feel them the dawning [TS]

  realization that someone has just as [TS]

  just rip them off and as I'm watching [TS]

  this five minute long video I realized [TS]

  these people have been playing this game [TS]

  three years and that in this alternate [TS]

  reality they have a gift that they are [TS]

  completely invested in their identities [TS]

  there and and it filled me with a with a [TS]

  sense of a filthy with a deep sorrow in [TS]

  the sense that humankind is not actually [TS]

  exploring in outer space you are you [TS]

  cannot no matter how hard you work [TS]

  actually have a fleet of battleships by [TS]

  the Tannhauser gate and watch the seed [TS]

  beams glitter you know like there's no [TS]

  we are not there yet but these these [TS]

  people playing this game are living it [TS]

  in their imaginations in this other [TS]

  world in their living in the future in [TS]

  the future and when they log off their [TS]

  computer and have to go downstairs and [TS]

  eat their macaroni and cheese or when [TS]

  they have to log off in the morning and [TS]

  go to work at their job [TS]

  like reality cannot possibly compare to [TS]

  this to the intrigue and the dynamism of [TS]

  this online world and I just was like oh [TS]

  my god I i I'd I don't grab like I [TS]

  finally grasped the littlest bit of what [TS]

  that what being really a gamer is and I [TS]

  you know and it's like with chilled me [TS]

  that's a lot of investment you too [TS]

  well they're investing all what what [TS]

  they're investing all the energy that [TS]

  they would be investing in I guess what [TS]

  made that but I'm having I have to guess [TS]

  what made that interesting was that [TS]

  somebody put a lot of effort into [TS]

  getting them battleship is equal to like [TS]

  stealing somebody's house or something [TS]

  yeah I was it was they were you were [TS]

  stealing something real from them which [TS]

  was the time they had put into earning [TS]

  that in this in this game world we [TS]

  shouldn't talk about this that is that [TS]

  is so fucking depressing thoughts and [TS]

  particularly with the one that won games [TS]

  like figure out ways to at to have these [TS]

  these resources within the game be worth [TS]

  real money in the outside world [TS]

  you know I don't know I don't know [TS]

  they're going to be people who are [TS]

  millionaires and what they have done is [TS]

  stolen other people's battleships in [TS]

  fake outer space and that it may become [TS]

  millionaires in the real world from that [TS]

  implies a nicer macaroni and cheese that [TS]

  is that's already happening you know [TS]

  there are already people something and [TS]

  this is the shows were older we're [TS]

  talking about any of this to project [TS]

  their eyes but I don't know they're all [TS]

  are all our listeners that have green [TS]

  hair and nose piercings are like come on [TS]

  granddad understand that not only can [TS]

  you find an automobile and drive it you [TS]

  can hire somebody who for a living [TS]

  drives cars yet tell him where you want [TS]

  to go you don't have to feed it not but [TS]

  gasps apart and he'll drive it anywhere [TS]

  no it doesn't stop there he's got a [TS]

  telephone in his pocket that he can use [TS]

  to make a map show [TS]

  oh we boldly well they're out there [TS]

  they're out there they're cashing their [TS]

  bitcoins right now to have a higher [TS]

  somebody on the Deep Web on the silk [TS]

  road to come kill us both [TS]

  what's inside of [TS]

  poisoned dart maybe they could sell that [TS]

  battleship and amazon shipped my hug [TS]

  i'll also you hug for five bucks just [TS]

  come and work with your net on that [TS]

  which had on hugs i was making bank on [TS]

  hugs [TS]

  lu two three four once you've got [TS]

  economies of scale in his arms [TS]

  the problem is there's always somebody [TS]

  comes up because do I really have to pay [TS]

  five bucks for a hug and I feel like a [TS]

  jerk say yeah he say do I really have to [TS]

  answer you only two dollars like if here [TS]

  here's what I'm going to say from here [TS]

  on out if you don't want to pay five [TS]

  bucks for a hug then I give you the hug [TS]

  of my choice [TS]

  hmm i give you the hug i want to give [TS]

  not the hug you want and that's gonna [TS]

  that's going to dissuade some people and [TS]

  your problem is you're you're like [TS]

  you're like a museum when you've got [TS]

  like the suggested donation box you need [TS]

  some way where there is a portcullis or [TS]

  something where they can get near you [TS]

  came and asked questions about that shit [TS]

  right I need a merch girl who's standing [TS]

  there taking five bucks and given [TS]

  tickets you somebody somebody somebody [TS]

  pick who says you need a strong question [TS]

  when they take cross my palm right cross [TS]

  my palm [TS]

  nothing is if people want a hug for less [TS]

  than five bucks and I get to grope them [TS]

  inappropriately for my own amusement [TS]

  right then I feel like I'm getting five [TS]

  bucks worth if they if they would if [TS]

  they if they knowingly come in under the [TS]

  under the under the new rules that i get [TS]

  to do whatever I want [TS]

  that's worth five bucks you can have me [TS]

  there they've open to negotiation not [TS]

  you that's right so if if part of my hug [TS]

  is that I grab the back of their [TS]

  underpants and pull real hard you get a [TS]

  real good grip on the saddle backs [TS]

  yeah I wouldn't have done that if they [TS]

  had paid me five bucks but that's the [TS]

  but they were like let's let's let's [TS]

  wrangle got my haircut yesterday and was [TS]

  getting my hair cut at the lake of my [TS]

  hair and there's somebody else and she's [TS]

  watching a little tiny TV with the [TS]

  volume turned up really really loud i [TS]

  couldn't see what was on the screen but [TS]

  you know in the 20 minutes it took for [TS]

  this haircut a definite volume they were [TS]

  watching TV program and that is plastic [TS]

  surgeries and so there's there's live [TS]

  like this showing plastic surgeries and [TS]

  as I SAT there and I don't know I like [TS]

  I'm not super creeped out by stuff but I [TS]

  mean I'm get a procedure here there's [TS]

  somebody with with scissors [TS]

  cutting part of my body mmm and it was [TS]

  like every time they come back from the [TS]

  commercial be like what's really [TS]

  disturbing something i recommend for [TS]

  children and then go now we're guess you [TS]

  can see as we get in here and we make [TS]

  the incision we're removing the fat pads [TS]

  and now we're gonna show you by [TS]

  demonstrating on this avocado what we [TS]

  can do with the laser and she stays out [TS]

  of the Sun that skin should say so how [TS]

  does that feel it feels better fucking [TS]

  blew my mind there's a TV show about [TS]

  about their than when they show you [TS]

  plastic surgery [TS]

  have you seen this before I haven't but [TS]

  I know that plastic surgery is one of [TS]

  the you know everybody has the fantasy [TS]

  that with a little nip and talk they [TS]

  will go from being hideous too beautiful [TS]

  so I understand why that's popular i [TS]

  guess i just now i can think about fat [TS]

  pads [TS]

  what I don't understand is why I spend [TS]

  so much time on the internet looking at [TS]

  like fail blogs about shitty tattoos [TS]

  I like my friends curate that for me but [TS]

  i do enjoy them when I find them [TS]

  yeah i don't i'm never gonna get a [TS]

  tattoo I i know the ship is my ship has [TS]

  sailed on that but why take so much [TS]

  pleasure looking at other peoples curate [TS]

  curations like tumblr pages of people's [TS]

  ill-advised tattoos i don't know i don't [TS]

  know why i like it's like it's like a [TS]

  misspelling a misspelling in a tattoo or [TS]

  like some some somewhere where the [TS]

  tattoo started and you could tell that [TS]

  the person didn't have a have a complete [TS]

  grasp of perspective okay someone the [TS]

  other day where you ATT Brett's got a [TS]

  greater gallery was it was an American [TS]

  flag that was that was flapping in the [TS]

  wind but but but the but the folds in [TS]

  the flag any fool could tell that if you [TS]

  straightened out that flag would be like [TS]

  15 feet long and the person who has [TS]

  curated this blog took the took the time [TS]

  to count the count the stripes on the [TS]

  flag and in the first the first the [TS]

  first curve and had eleven stripes and [TS]

  then had 14 stripes that drives drives [TS]

  and it so it's a 15 foot long flag which [TS]

  has not been a different numbers of [TS]

  stripes throughout its length and only [TS]

  at nine stars was just like that's [TS]

  wonderful but the emphasis of argument [TS]

  though it's a printer pro-america [TS]

  patriotic kind of flag [TS]

  spot it's not it's not about the complex [TS]

  nature of statehood no no not at all it [TS]

  was about and I think I think it [TS]

  expressed perfectly that the tattoo [TS]

  artist began the tattoo with no [TS]

  forethought and said I know an American [TS]

  flag and I know how this is gonna turn [TS]

  out it's going to turn out awesome [TS]

  yeah and just drew it like free hand and [TS]

  just was like I know how this works that [TS]

  is that says a lot that may be why hate [TS]

  tattoos I really i'm always happy to [TS]

  know that I can undo something stupid [TS]

  that i did and for me just for myself [TS]

  like always having that there for almost [TS]

  everything is a great consolation for me [TS]

  and if you have the reason I don't have [TS]

  a tomtom I'd like a Thompson Twins [TS]

  outlawed back from a lot of scars have [TS]

  two scars that i know of where the two [TS]

  scars have a very small tiny tiny tiny [TS]

  scar under my nose or my mom [TS]

  accidentally kicked me with your [TS]

  fingernail which was a kid she still [TS]

  feels about and then I have a really [TS]

  cool scar on my leg from where I jumped [TS]

  a ramp and got like a one-foot come out [TS]

  now get put a half kind of my leg jump [TS]

  the ramp on a skateboard or bike i want [TS]

  to buy whatever the handlebars [TS]

  yeah oh yeah what about you what you got [TS]

  I'm covered with scars from and you're [TS]

  like you're like wolverine and some of [TS]

  them are gruesome and and those are like [TS]

  tattoos those are the thing about me [TS]

  that are like tattoos that I that some [TS]

  of them are things that I cannot take [TS]

  back and then add that i wish i had i [TS]

  wish i could do it over again so that i [TS]

  did not have it's not that the scar [TS]

  itself is unsightly it is that the scar [TS]

  represents now if a point of weakness of [TS]

  physical disability in the making [TS]

  no like the scar scar is the last [TS]

  outward sign of some internal damage [TS]

  that HS talking analogy or in terms of [TS]

  bodily integrity no bodily integrity as [TS]

  its weakened the fiber of your largest [TS]

  organ now when i was a young person i [TS]

  put my physical self through the paces [TS]

  and now that I'm in my forties I feel [TS]

  those things now I feel and it isn't [TS]

  just like all the barometers changing [TS]

  arigato [TS]

  little bit of a thing in my knee it's [TS]

  that it is that is that there are parts [TS]

  of me that will fail before other parts [TS]

  miserable because they have been they [TS]

  have been compromised but you got you [TS]

  got a few good years and you're right [TS]

  oh yeah yeah but-but-but I mean I [TS]

  watched because my dad also like wore [TS]

  out his body in the pursuit of a [TS]

  physical thrill and you know as he got [TS]

  older she started to he started [TS]

  diverting about the time he was 80 years [TS]

  old and we had gone to university of [TS]

  washington football game and I told you [TS]

  this now I never heard it and we're [TS]

  we're leaving the stadium and the e the [TS]

  United football stadium is there a kind [TS]

  of perched on a grassy hill overlooking [TS]

  Lake Washington and after the game and [TS]

  an R star tickets were always way up in [TS]

  the nosebleed seats you know my dad [TS]

  don't know why the hell he didn't pull [TS]

  some strings or whatever but but he felt [TS]

  like being way up in the bleachers with [TS]

  all the undergrads was the only way to [TS]

  watch university of washington football [TS]

  and so I'd walk up there with him five [TS]

  flights of stairs to to watch these [TS]

  football games in the window in the [TS]

  November wind we were walking across the [TS]

  grassy field after the game and you know [TS]

  it's it's a grassy hill and it's got [TS]

  trees and and the cars are kind of [TS]

  parked on the grass we're walking out to [TS]

  our car and all of a sudden he trips on [TS]

  our route something he's he's 80 and he [TS]

  goes he he goes face-first down this [TS]

  hill and I'm like it happens in super [TS]

  slow motion like Oh dad and he's just [TS]

  he's just too far from me that I can [TS]

  like get under him or get in front of [TS]

  him and and and take the brunt of the [TS]

  fall or whatever and she heads down this [TS]

  hill face-first you know it a swan dive [TS]

  and somehow tuxes shoulder [TS]

  rolls like doesn't full-on barrel roll [TS]

  and comes out on his feet haha is 80 is [TS]

  a be standing there like and he just [TS]

  keeps keeps walking [TS]