Roderick on the Line

Ep. 27: "Bellinghamming"

 

  hello John how are you hi marlon good [TS]

  morning how are you I'm doing I'm doing [TS]

  well had some tater tots I feel pretty [TS]

  good [TS]

  that's a good breakfast i'm not saying [TS]

  you're Merlin Mann theme because I've [TS]

  i'm tired of people thinking they know [TS]

  me huh [TS]

  he may know what I'm gonna do and [TS]

  knowing your movements at a time [TS]

  yeah I don't like it so I'm some thrown [TS]

  a curveball I think about it okay [TS]

  I think it's great i think is totally i [TS]

  think is totally on brand you take [TS]

  different reality that you talked about [TS]

  this a little bit you take different [TS]

  routes sometimes if you can sell every [TS]

  time even if it means anything it means [TS]

  i have to drive on the sidewalk for some [TS]

  portion of my route i'm going to take a [TS]

  different way but in this case you know [TS]

  where with the with with our [TS]

  conversations I started to feel like [TS]

  you're I was becoming as becoming theme [TS]

  attic and I don't want to be that wide [TS]

  open my own man [TS]

  good for you i didn't really even [TS]

  thought about these things [TS]

  well because I saw you this week because [TS]

  I saw you in person [TS]

  sure i'm pretty sure who I got on an [TS]

  elevator and there was a guy in there [TS]

  who the people is wearing a leather top [TS]

  at he said his name was Marilyn man talk [TS]

  I looked like I know Merlin Mann protect [TS]

  I mean they might be castor Lincoln he [TS]

  was very convincing though so let's see [TS]

  what term would be like forecaster [TS]

  Lincoln castro Lincoln guest or like his [TS]

  letters but he's he lives in the castro [TS]

  but it's of course he does well i mean [TS]

  that's that's his home in the East live [TS]

  in illinois now that he was born in [TS]

  Kentucky and then was in Illinois [TS]

  alright what it a blinkin yeah listen I [TS]

  didn't come here to talk about Abe [TS]

  Lincoln wow you keep you don't have had [TS]

  I could ask that morning [TS]

  here's here's the thing you know though [TS]

  improv comedy uh philosophy that you [TS]

  know you never say no you always say yes [TS]

  and who I don't believe in that [TS]

  sometimes you just say no I think we can [TS]

  all agree this and [TS]

  good idea ah haha I i agree to disagree [TS]

  with that statement [TS]

  uh-uh I don't like talking about [TS]

  computers but i didn't notice yesterday [TS]

  that I i looked in on my internet feed [TS]

  and saw that someone had stipulated what [TS]

  we can all agree on to you directly [TS]

  yes i was i was tempted i was tempted to [TS]

  jump into a bunker or something [TS]

  a fellow podcaster actually so one who [TS]

  has never listen to my podcast i'm [TS]

  almost certain guys you hear that you [TS]

  hear my heart breaking up because he [TS]

  can't get on his Victrola uh I lately my [TS]

  braces have been really bothering me huh [TS]

  and last night they were they were [TS]

  really cutting up my lip so you know [TS]

  when you have braces that give you this [TS]

  wax huh [TS]

  you're supposed to put on the braces to [TS]

  keep it from to keep what is evidently [TS]

  barbed wire in your in your mouth from [TS]

  tearing your face apart and i slept with [TS]

  this wax on my braces last night i just [TS]

  i just realized that it's the wax is [TS]

  still in there so if you can hear it in [TS]

  my voice [TS]

  don't be confused i didn't buy my tongue [TS]

  or anything i just have wax on my braces [TS]

  doesn't make you what's the weather like [TS]

  marble mouth doesn't make it harder to [TS]

  articulate and I don't go to the I think [TS]

  it's the huge slashes in my inner lip [TS]

  that make it harder to talk I last night [TS]

  I was walking home about four o'clock in [TS]

  the morning i'm walking through the [TS]

  neighborhood where these two people [TS]

  walking side-by-side very slowly both [TS]

  dressed in Canada who leather trench art [TS]

  not trying to go to leather car coats [TS]

  you know what I mean like a duster not a [TS]

  duster know but like like a leather like [TS]

  a puffy leather jacket that just goes [TS]

  down to the to the bottom of your wallet [TS]

  ok ok sure a mid-length and it's and [TS]

  it's 4am and generally like two people [TS]

  walking slowly in puffy leather coats [TS]

  and 4am but it's a kind of thing that a [TS]

  lot of people would walk to the other [TS]

  side of the street or or you know or ask [TS]

  themselves like mi what's happened in my [TS]

  life that I'm here with these two people [TS]

  I'm sending me their jackets i'm not [TS]

  super familiar with the culture we [TS]

  talking like a Capitol Hill or [TS]

  neighborhood toughs [TS]

  well that was that was hard to discern [TS]

  from behind but i can say i can say in [TS]

  the great like hipster fashion chase [TS]

  where the kids the hipster kids are [TS]

  always trying to find the last good [TS]

  thing at their stores and turned into a [TS]

  new fashion meme the puffy leather car [TS]

  coat has yet to they have yet to adopt [TS]

  it you know what I mean like when you [TS]

  see a puffy leather cargo particularly [TS]

  two of them you can be pretty sure that [TS]

  the people don't also have handlebar [TS]

  mustaches but it's a that that is still [TS]

  the purview but the puffy coats are [TS]

  still the purview of actual poor people [TS]

  or bad people see begin at the end of [TS]

  story and you decide them up a little [TS]

  bit before i'm trying to size him up and [TS]

  there and there are a couple of halfway [TS]

  houses on this street so I'm like mm I [TS]

  don't you know and one of the halfway [TS]

  houses for is for drug abusers and sex [TS]

  offenders and the other halfway houses [TS]

  for people who are developmentally [TS]

  disabled and have committed a crime in [TS]

  between and make a whole house there are [TS]

  a whole way house looks like i don't see [TS]

  the block party for this but you know [TS]

  the one the halfway house that's for [TS]

  just like criminal people is a is scary [TS]

  because there's you know they're bad bad [TS]

  people there but the halfway house for [TS]

  four like people who have mental and [TS]

  emotional problems and are also [TS]

  criminals is this really the one as [TS]

  you're walking kind of near it [TS]

  you have to be have to be ready for [TS]

  anything [TS]

  ok so it isn't just pick up a good we'll [TS]

  sort of like occupational therapy thing [TS]

  it's like these are people who probably [TS]

  did a couple of bad things to end up in [TS]

  the halfway house [TS]

  yeah maybe watch for a while before they [TS]

  move the other half exactly ok so anyway [TS]

  I'm why I'm in this vicinity and had a [TS]

  mocking behind these two people in the [TS]

  car coat and then one of them the bigger [TS]

  of the two when I'm about 15 feet behind [TS]

  them and getting into you know you're [TS]

  about 15 feet here within your then [TS]

  range now if they wanted to turn around [TS]

  and throw something at you so I get into [TS]

  get into a little bit more of a my [TS]

  posture doesn't change but I'm it my [TS]

  readiness is in [TS]

  danced and then the the bigger of the [TS]

  two suddenly starts crab walking like [TS]

  like sinks his butt down displays his [TS]

  feet apart and starts like click 10 crab [TS]

  walking like sideways [TS]

  well he still hasn't seen me they don't [TS]

  know i'm behind them but if using a kata [TS]

  he's kinda walking his feet are pointing [TS]

  an object directions and he's walking [TS]

  like a Charlie Chaplin accepted Charlie [TS]

  Chaplin was trying to walk over a yoga [TS]

  ball and so now my readiness is really [TS]

  in hands because that's what's this [TS]

  little hairs on the back of your neck [TS]

  for reasons you can explain your [TS]

  starting to start a little bit yeah [TS]

  something about something quite right [TS]

  what's this new wrinkle FN so as I go [TS]

  around them there they are argued the [TS]

  the the the the thinner one of the two [TS]

  is looking at the crab walking one and [TS]

  like trying to figure out what's going [TS]

  on [TS]

  that's what I go around them the bigger [TS]

  one says you gotta listen to voice goes [TS]

  our got such a bad rash and I realized [TS]

  they had their own problems that I [TS]

  didn't need my readiness went back to [TS]

  zero i went back to DEFCON 10 that's [TS]

  miserable [TS]

  oh its remit there right it's pretty [TS]

  humid you make all right well i don't [TS]

  think the rash is a product of his [TS]

  humidity I think the idea of the puffy [TS]

  leather coat first it like a moisture [TS]

  but yeah I mean you want something going [TS]

  to breathe [TS]

  yeah you'll rust your undercarriage [TS]

  right it's a rookie mistake there's [TS]

  something that tells you that you should [TS]

  wear something loose right and I think [TS]

  looseness is the problem i mean in my [TS]

  experience when I've gotten rashes it's [TS]

  it's looseness is the culprit [TS]

  I mean certainly it's had its you know [TS]

  you know it's a Chad it's a chance [TS]

  provocateur you know like you're not [TS]

  taking showers enough and and probably [TS]

  you know just beyond its not being up up [TS]

  speed on hygiene but in case i think [TS]

  itís tightness helps a rash a lot more [TS]

  than loose in this heat pump at that [TS]

  point by giving up he's probably in this [TS]

  giant s [TS]

  puffy boxers and you needed you need to [TS]

  take a break maybe he went swimming who [TS]

  earlier and forgot to bring a change of [TS]

  clothes and then sat in the backseat of [TS]

  a station wagon for the long drive home [TS]

  vinyl seat a non-vital see with his swim [TS]

  trunks on [TS]

  that's a sure way to get a rash looks [TS]

  like that it's writing the book I've had [TS]

  a few rashes in my day off the [TS]

  cheeseheads I thought you know I'm your [TS]

  show John but I'm i'm super-interested [TS]

  in rashes and I have to imagine a man [TS]

  like yourself you will walk more miles [TS]

  than most people have driven and you [TS]

  certainly driven more mouse unless [TS]

  people are driven by the way i would [TS]

  like to circle back at some point very [TS]

  very with your driving has taken on a [TS]

  degree of certainty that I don't [TS]

  remember being there before [TS]

  it'sit's really admirable but you walk [TS]

  with certainty you can now you can scope [TS]

  out a crab [TS]

  well you know what i want to do long [TS]

  distance walks this is not something I [TS]

  would tell anybody but i'll tell you [TS]

  ok i do long-distance walks especially [TS]

  when i'm walking in Europe for instance [TS]

  i always go by German underwear because [TS]

  the Germans where ladies here to get [TS]

  across the borders [TS]

  well not just that but the Germans wear [TS]

  those little bikini underwear because [TS]

  there's something wrong with them but [TS]

  those are much better for walking there [TS]

  are big voluminous American underwear so [TS]

  on my on my on my especially long walk [TS]

  that I did I trade all my American [TS]

  underwear very early on for German [TS]

  bikini underwear men's bikini underwear [TS]

  over which is great great for great [TS]

  they're really am it's very supportive [TS]

  the worst rash i ever had similar to a [TS]

  lot of laundry soaps [TS]

  ah ok the worst crash i had when i was a [TS]

  freshman in college i bought my i bought [TS]

  my own laundry detergent for the first [TS]

  time because what when you're living at [TS]

  home because you never buy your own [TS]

  laundry detergent so I my college i [TS]

  bought my own laundry detergent i bought [TS]

  the cheapest laundry detergent I could [TS]

  because i'm actually I was an idiot [TS]

  and since i was a freshman in college I [TS]

  had a I had worn every item of clothing [TS]

  that i owned before ever doing a load of [TS]

  laundry right I wasn't you do it was it [TS]

  was the three months in to the to my [TS]

  freshman year I had worn every item of [TS]

  clothing as many times as you could wear [TS]

  them before I needed to do a huge load [TS]

  of laundry I need to I need to wash all [TS]

  my clothes and as you know I'm a little [TS]

  bit of a clothes horse so I had I had [TS]

  Empire isles of laundry and I took it [TS]

  all down stairs to the laundry room in [TS]

  the dorm and I did all my clothes [TS]

  oh yeah I'll now and I card to buy it [TS]

  was a hold it was a good try entire [TS]

  Saturday Carter others like dollar store [TS]

  quality detergent [TS]

  oh yeah exactly was ninety-nine cents [TS]

  for a big huge thing of of what what is [TS]

  probably like lie it's like the [TS]

  component parts are lie like aluminum [TS]

  flakes mercury it's like when they put [TS]

  the glass in the cocaine right yeah [TS]

  right right it's like getting to see him [TS]

  distracted driver makes it seem more [TS]

  effective fiberglass uh-huh so I I hang [TS]

  up my clothes and I have this tremendous [TS]

  feeling of accomplishment i am a full [TS]

  grown person I have done my laundry and [TS]

  I have all fresh longer I can go another [TS]

  three months without doing one and i put [TS]

  on my first change of clothes on my new [TS]

  clothes on Monday morning and I go to [TS]

  class and i'm sitting in class and i [TS]

  start to itch and by the time the class [TS]

  is over and I've made it back to my room [TS]

  from my wrists to my ankles I am red and [TS]

  swollen and puffed out like a like a [TS]

  like a puffy leather jacket except read [TS]

  as a monkey's ass look I know and I'm [TS]

  lying in my bed I'm in torment you know [TS]

  I'm lying in my bed naked like groaning [TS]

  nothing can be done about this rash you [TS]

  know just test them i just have to lay [TS]

  there naked every single article of [TS]

  clothing you own is going to cause the [TS]

  same problem everything that my roommate [TS]

  is appalled [TS]

  he was appalled by me to begin with and [TS]

  now I'm like swollen and naked he's just [TS]

  like so grossed rows down so I think to [TS]

  myself I spent forty dollars on the on [TS]

  laundry are doing laundry I don't want [TS]

  to go spend another forty dollars to [TS]

  rewatch all these clothes so in the [TS]

  middle of the night I take all my [TS]

  clothes down to the communal showers and [TS]

  I hang them up on the other two it's [TS]

  like it such a twenty20 person shower I [TS]

  hang the clothes up all around the [TS]

  shower and I turned all the showers on [TS]

  and i'm washing all my clothes in the [TS]

  shower I'm not watching them rinsing [TS]

  them and so the next day I get called [TS]

  down to the to the priest who [TS]

  administers our dorm and he sits me to [TS]

  sit me down in his chair he gives me [TS]

  electron hygiene and says you realize [TS]

  that you can't just take your clothes in [TS]

  the shower somewhat someone reported [TS]

  that you're washing your clothes in the [TS]

  shower and you know that that doesn't [TS]

  get them clean [TS]

  okay wait a minute it was too difficult [TS]

  to explicitly narc to the Jesuit like [TS]

  somebody somebody somebody she just [TS]

  letter was your judgments something sure [TS]

  somebody's Archon you some kid came down [TS]

  the hall with a towel over his shoulder [TS]

  at 1am thinking like I'll take a [TS]

  late-night shower and then one day they [TS]

  got the pic of the red phone and said [TS]

  you know for syphilis [TS]

  I'm really worried I'm worried about [TS]

  John Roderick yeah well they opened the [TS]

  shower door and I was in there like [TS]

  Mickey Mouse in his wizard had with all [TS]

  my it slide in READ&WRITE get acquainted [TS]

  with all my dancing mushroom close you [TS]

  know I'm animating all my clothes I just [TS]

  know that would regulate though you were [TS]

  not in there in a pair of 50 ones you [TS]

  were naked red and swollen with all of [TS]

  your clothes all my clothes man i would [TS]

  have knocked first [TS]

  well you have from especially since you [TS]

  know normally if somebody's in a shower [TS]

  later now you don't know what they're [TS]

  like that guy still knocks to this day [TS]

  after that that's scarring [TS]

  yeah you got your fingers and be to get [TS]

  that shit out here [TS]

  and this continues to this day now when [TS]

  i was a kid i was very sensitive i think [TS]

  this was pretty common when I was a kid [TS]

  I you know i'm not i don't have you know [TS]

  like head Colton allergies now I don't [TS]

  think I skin allergies i don't have [TS]

  penicillin and a friend who dutch [TS]

  chocolate a milk chocolate would make [TS]

  her sick penicillin to milk chocolate Oh [TS]

  chocolate milk chocolate milk and I can [TS]

  although Borden's opposed to imagine [TS]

  that isn't the worst that's terrible I [TS]

  have it I have a dear friend his son [TS]

  can't have like he gets sick giving the [TS]

  test like he had to go to the emergency [TS]

  room whether we're giving him the test [TS]

  that's how little like milk am I feel so [TS]

  grateful that I want that for me was mr. [TS]

  bubble and I took it only took one time [TS]

  for us to go oh my god this bullshit is [TS]

  killing our child [TS]

  yeah i was i was identified as bad as [TS]

  you but basically every part of me that [TS]

  was inside the Cincinnati bathtub was [TS]

  well as pink as a Miss as a mr. bubble [TS]

  because you're blowing my mind right now [TS]

  because that's someone gave me a bottle [TS]

  of mr. bubble recently [TS]

  well they claim it's hypoallergenic now [TS]

  but I i used some mr. bubble i put it [TS]

  into the right put into my bubble bath [TS]

  rotation because i have several [TS]

  different kinds of bubble bath and so [TS]

  I'm gonna karl was like mr. bubble why [TS]

  why not why not add it to the to the [TS]

  pickup let's get bubble right in the [TS]

  name [TS]

  yeah that's right into pink bottle [TS]

  honorific problematic and and so I so I [TS]

  put into the rotation but i have to say [TS]

  the bubble bath i took mr. bubble was a [TS]

  shorter one but I did start to feel that [TS]

  tell tell tell tale bitchiness tingle a [TS]

  little bit of a tingle a little bit of [TS]

  pre itch and I got out of there [TS]

  I got out of there fast but now it now [TS]

  now when it was mr. bubble comes up in [TS]

  the bubble bath rotation i'm not i'm not [TS]

  ready to take it out of rotation but I [TS]

  skate keep skipping it keeps skipping I [TS]

  go right to the tea tree oil well all I [TS]

  like some teacher ltl you know is a way [TS]

  to call it is good for everything you [TS]

  know anything that's in a got an [TS]

  adaptogen that i was going to say Apple [TS]

  visible to people to get the people my [TS]

  ticket for drug test to know what about [TS]

  bath time here but doesn't it that the [TS]

  whole bunch of stuff [TS]

  you take tea tree oil shampoo for a drug [TS]

  test don't get the shampoo can get a [TS]

  picture [TS]

  all i see is very distinctive smell very [TS]

  distinctive smell it doesn't it's [TS]

  tingling is taking on cold sores is good [TS]

  for cold sores [TS]

  I didn't know that it's good it's got [TS]

  its it tingles in the wrong way to put [TS]

  on your testicles [TS]

  oh I wouldn't put anywhere near my [TS]

  dingus personally but but now I mean I [TS]

  always try it with any kind of Bath [TS]

  product always tried on my on my [TS]

  genitals all you do that little sample [TS]

  patch like I'm trying out like a carpet [TS]

  cleaner [TS]

  you're kind of you're in there with him [TS]

  yes it's nice to know what's going to [TS]

  happen that you delete that before you [TS]

  put it on dt like a they called [TS]

  titration like what haha you don't you [TS]

  put just purity trail and your dingus [TS]

  I'm not a loser you know whether a lot [TS]

  of things that say dilute with water and [TS]

  I'm i always take it straight lucky dr. [TS]

  bronner yeah in the event the problem of [TS]

  course with that is that there are a lot [TS]

  of concentrates now all the products are [TS]

  concentrated yeah and and I i use them [TS]

  undiluted at first or am i use the the [TS]

  what I would the amount that i normally [TS]

  would have used in the unconsecrated [TS]

  form and I actually I actually had to [TS]

  call the the washing machine service guy [TS]

  at one point I was like my washing [TS]

  machine's broken and he came out and [TS]

  spent all day with his with his tools [TS]

  played all over taking it apart and put [TS]

  it back together he was like there's [TS]

  nothing wrong with this washing machine [TS]

  and I said well it keeps shutting off it [TS]

  keeps it doesn't it won't do a full load [TS]

  over and he said how much laundry [TS]

  detergent Ernie putting in and I showed [TS]

  him and he said that's enough for ten [TS]

  loads of laundry [TS]

  oh man what's happening is you're [TS]

  creating so much foam that is shutting [TS]

  the system down [TS]

  ok so ever since I learned how much [TS]

  larger detergent to use now everything [TS]

  works fine i can't get I can't get my [TS]

  daughter to understand that that like [TS]

  she likes getting lots of soap on your [TS]

  hands the soap is fun but you know as a [TS]

  man as you know as somebody who has [TS]

  learned to shave without so water is the [TS]

  most important part is the water water [TS]

  water you can use it's all about the [TS]

  water water and concentrated thing I [TS]

  think that's something that's happened [TS]

  especially gosh specialist 10 years but [TS]

  really last 2530 years because i think [TS]

  what they do is this concentration mean [TS]

  concentration means you take out water [TS]

  you take out liquid and you can put it [TS]

  in a small [TS]

  a bottle right here with this makes it [TS]

  less costly yeah the shipping cost [TS]

  shipping carton and I mentioned this in [TS]

  passing just because i have made my [TS]

  detergent problem i was at it like it's [TS]

  okay so you like your engagement shower [TS]

  with all of your clothes and your puffy [TS]

  like isn't there some part of you that [TS]

  goes okay i hope i hope it doesn't get a [TS]

  hundred times worse than this but this [TS]

  is just got this this is bad this sucks [TS]

  right yeah i mean like for me I was at [TS]

  this nadir of you know the kind of near [TS]

  you can have when you're in your early [TS]

  twenties but I was a pretty low point I [TS]

  didn't have a lot of money I've been [TS]

  doing a lot of drugs mom and I i had a [TS]

  relationship that I really like and i [TS]

  think i was out of blank cassettes like [TS]

  there's a lot of things that were [TS]

  mitigating against me and to top it all [TS]

  off my my mom happy I went to school [TS]

  that you're having kind enough to gift [TS]

  me with a bottle of concentrated era [TS]

  which is which is no no not like your [TS]

  stuff is very high-end right arrows good [TS]

  good good gear that's right like I think [TS]

  it keeps the colors and gets the whites [TS]

  white I don't really recall but I had [TS]

  this big red bottle of era and let's be [TS]

  honest like you i wanna say like you but [TS]

  for me lyk soos stench was a big leading [TS]

  indicator for laundry that really [TS]

  rigidity when you're close to become [TS]

  rigid and and there's so many things [TS]

  that could become rigid about laundry [TS]

  let's be honest that could be a towel [TS]

  that could be a German pant and for me [TS]

  it was certainly the pits of my shirts [TS]

  where they would start to crack a little [TS]

  bit while discussing yeah I putting dump [TS]

  to dump structure and cracks a little [TS]

  bit [TS]

  well you see i'm a person that doesn't [TS]

  that has no body odor so my clothes I [TS]

  can wear many many times [TS]

  I'm not in right now on a car there's so [TS]

  many there's so many problems with that [TS]

  I don't make the elders coming from [TS]

  something i don't know if it's your body [TS]

  i don't know if you've got some kind of [TS]

  an Indian politics that you're wearing [TS]

  but you know if you smell if you smell [TS]

  smell on me who it's usually what's in [TS]

  my pockets [TS]

  it's not i don't smell it's just that I [TS]

  collect things as I go down the road and [TS]

  they're really in my pockets can just [TS]

  get my era story I want to hear about I [TS]

  want to hear about your pockets you know [TS]

  you know what all you need to know about [TS]

  this is that i had not done hardly any [TS]

  laundry the whole year is the end of the [TS]

  year my life is falling apart and I've [TS]

  run out of dish liquid and so I start [TS]

  washing my dishes with [TS]

  large amount of concentrated laundry [TS]

  detergent that's frozen now i'm drinking [TS]

  water and eating macaroni and cheese out [TS]

  of dishes that were washed with [TS]

  concentrated laundry detergent and i [TS]

  lost my fucking mind and I wasn't sure [TS]

  why it's what happened that I was making [TS]

  a lot of MDMA contact you were getting [TS]

  high off a boat laundry soap i was [TS]

  getting I was getting something [TS]

  orthogonal hi was in the opposite of how [TS]

  I wasn't even getting you know I was [TS]

  gonna concentrate it was the problem and [TS]

  my mom finally had sex she came and she [TS]

  drank a coke out of a company said i [TS]

  think i was quite right here she might I [TS]

  don't really remember my memory is [TS]

  really sketchy I think she might have [TS]

  said this tastes like a laundry [TS]

  detergent moms are so good with that [TS]

  stuff they really can they can tell from [TS]

  your moms can be an important check [TS]

  valve in your twenties [TS]

  yeah they're like wait a minute two [TS]

  pockets done by your pockets [TS]

  is this not working you know what the [TS]

  best laundry soap is what's that sheer [TS]

  free chair free its cheer haha right but [TS]

  it's free and not not not that it's [TS]

  inexpensive understand but that it has [TS]

  no it has no fragrance no dice 00 dies [TS]

  no it's just pure whatever soap is made [TS]

  of its pure tyler durden fat [TS]

  accumulation and it's great i used here [TS]

  free and i never have a bad reaction and [TS]

  that's better than the cause of your [TS]

  concentration bubble problem is just too [TS]

  much chair too much chair but i but but [TS]

  but it would never gave me a rash [TS]

  now as for my pockets who I i have I [TS]

  there's a part of me that is still five [TS]

  years old and that as one Leslie your [TS]

  country but one of those one of the ways [TS]

  that manifest is that that that I felt [TS]

  my pockets as I walk around the world [TS]

  with stuff that I find and at the end of [TS]

  the day I I disgorge my pockets on to [TS]

  the over-the-counter and i sift through [TS]

  all the little thing all the little [TS]

  beach glass and snails and stuff that i [TS]

  picked up along the way and sometimes [TS]

  sometimes like particularly if i put [TS]

  sand dollars in there or a like if I [TS]

  have five like I was on the beach the [TS]

  other day and there was a there was a [TS]

  dead baby see honor [TS]

  and I was it was everything I could do [TS]

  to not take the dead baby sea otter with [TS]

  me thank you felt bad for it [TS]

  well no it was just like how often do [TS]

  you get one of those I you know what it [TS]

  wasn't a question of Viking funeral was [TS]

  not a question of this will work in my [TS]

  art collection [TS]

  it was just something where you said it [TS]

  would be a shame like again like the [TS]

  seats that you encounter and you gonna [TS]

  be a shame if somebody who didn't [TS]

  appreciate this something with that [TS]

  order your man who appreciate a daughter [TS]

  yeah well the thing is the sea is coming [TS]

  in there are turkey vultures circling [TS]

  around there are a lot of things on this [TS]

  Beach turkey vultures first among them [TS]

  and a lot of and very many things in the [TS]

  sea that are going to uh they're going [TS]

  to want to find they're going to be very [TS]

  glad that they got this baby sea otter [TS]

  because it represents dinner to them or [TS]

  something but to me I mean there there [TS]

  are so many things I could do with a [TS]

  baby see honor a dead baby see her but I [TS]

  realized that to take it with me was was [TS]

  good was a very I was a very [TS]

  four-year-old thing to do because I was [TS]

  not this baby otter was not going to [TS]

  travel well uh huh but it was it was [TS]

  hard for me to leave it on the beach huh [TS]

  now when you go through your beach glass [TS]

  in your crustaceans are you is it a 4 is [TS]

  there any curation to it i just kind of [TS]

  like rubbing your fingers on them and to [TS]

  sort them or do they just going to like [TS]

  a larger pile like it sounds like it [TS]

  sounds like you're doing a kind of like [TS]

  woods and productivity it's a collection [TS]

  process you're not really thinking about [TS]

  like exactly where it will go or what [TS]

  it's for but you need something in your [TS]

  brain are in the back of your neck says [TS]

  this is a sea otter baby step baby I [TS]

  could use right or not right and you [TS]

  know that was so at what point is it at [TS]

  the point of empty your pockets at the [TS]

  end of day one is the curation come into [TS]

  it [TS]

  well the curation is ongoing right at [TS]

  first you sort you empty your pockets [TS]

  you got a sand dollar you have some [TS]

  beach glass dead baby sea otter half a [TS]

  sandwich that you made yourself I don't [TS]

  pick up somebody else's half sandwich [TS]

  but you know what you've got a [TS]

  pocketknife you've got it so you you [TS]

  sorted then the first sorting is how [TS]

  many of these things that were in [TS]

  my pocket belong together and then [TS]

  generally you know generally don't pick [TS]

  up groups of things you have one you [TS]

  have one wish rock you have one you know [TS]

  like distortion pedal that you found on [TS]

  the side of the street you know they [TS]

  don't belong together so you put them in [TS]

  you put them with the with their like [TS]

  items in your home that you already have [TS]

  a collection of distortion boxes you [TS]

  already have a collection of of A Wish [TS]

  rocks but that's what you look like a [TS]

  rubbing stone which rock is a rock that [TS]

  has been through some kind of geological [TS]

  process has a ring around it okay if [TS]

  there any it's a ring [TS]

  it's a ring of other kind of rock that [TS]

  goes through the center of the rock and [TS]

  if you find one of those you make a wish [TS]

  and throw it into the ocean sedimentary [TS]

  that's wha ye well it could be that [TS]

  there was a crack formed in some igneous [TS]

  rock and then some different kind of [TS]

  rock came into the middle of the it in a [TS]

  ok like lick some different kind of [TS]

  liquid rock went into the crack I think [TS]

  I'm in metamorphic rock is a real thing [TS]

  that always sound kind of made up to me [TS]

  well I leave the geology to the [TS]

  geologists let's circle back so you get [TS]

  your rocks with rings you got your [TS]

  orders which meeting with chandeliers [TS]

  rock you're supposed to make a wish and [TS]

  throw it into the ocean but I can't [TS]

  bring myself to throw them back so I [TS]

  bring them home [TS]

  I have a big bowl of them with rocks so [TS]

  then you sort of but then the then let's [TS]

  say it's a rainy Saturday it's a rainy [TS]

  Saturday and for this is the thing about [TS]

  the dead baby otter I don't have other [TS]

  ones so i would have to find i would [TS]

  have to start a new collection a or i [TS]

  would have to find some collection that [TS]

  a dead baby otter belongs in i'm still [TS]

  trying to think of one but that's this [TS]

  is this is part of your gift though is I [TS]

  mean I think it's a little cynical to [TS]

  say i'm not going to pick up a dead baby [TS]

  otters because i don't have six other [TS]

  ones well like how does that begin right [TS]

  at some point you go [TS]

  this is this is like a cool guitar pick [TS]

  we're gonna go or like this is a nice [TS]

  key or we could let's say you get a baby [TS]

  otter you can hollow it out and make a [TS]

  hat [TS]

  you could if I think you'd have to [TS]

  hollow it out no matter what you want to [TS]

  do that real fast unless you can't [TS]

  reason with you freeze it and then use [TS]

  like a like a like a hit now tabletops [TS]

  are or like a router so it's called well [TS]

  the problem with it with freezing [TS]

  something like that if you got a thought [TS]

  again eventually [TS]

  and that's not going to be a good [TS]

  process that's gonna be fun you you're [TS]

  right you want to get to you want to get [TS]

  to hollowing it out right away and that [TS]

  its that's it that's part of the [TS]

  inhibiting mean I'm on the question I [TS]

  have been thinking about your schedule [TS]

  you might have been thinking I need to [TS]

  pick up some some brace wax or or jacket [TS]

  swaps and and therefore I may not have [TS]

  time to do this order the honor that it [TS]

  would need to be a really suitable hot [TS]

  for me even though you have literally [TS]

  hundreds of heads [TS]

  yeah and i'm on the beach so I don't [TS]

  know i mean this is not a part of town [TS]

  where I know all the taxidermists who [TS]

  not like you know if I was in my [TS]

  neighborhood been to a taxidermist know [TS]

  my dad my dad was a sportsman and one of [TS]

  his best friend's was a taxidermist [TS]

  really yeah yeah i mean my dad was [TS]

  really believe it or not he was a real [TS]

  sportsman he you know he had a water [TS]

  buffalo [TS]

  um he hunted like the kind of things you [TS]

  hunt if you lived in the midwest you [TS]

  know varmints well yeah whatever need [TS]

  never needed killing with but I don't [TS]

  think you're gonna be Jews in the sea I [TS]

  was avoiding the ping-pong or near [TS]

  indiana so we have to be careful as [TS]

  claimed country the no butBut he was a [TS]

  visitor traffic fishermen a lot here we [TS]

  catch a lot of really amazing like [TS]

  bigmouth bigmouth bass and stuff like [TS]

  you know I think you're smaller kind of [TS]

  canines you know like a like a fox type [TS]

  type thing maybe something like that [TS]

  anyway he had a buddy who was a really [TS]

  good you know the taxidermy i don't know [TS]

  i think i think taxidermy is a lot like [TS]

  dentistry or hand jobs or whatever [TS]

  haircuts [TS]

  let's say you get so over if you've got [TS]

  a comb-over you keep going to that same [TS]

  barber because you don't have the steak [TS]

  right so you know when you don't have to [TS]

  say make it look like I got here here [TS]

  you sit down and you don't hopefully [TS]

  don't talk to each other with the sports [TS]

  page or penthouse and then you walk out [TS]

  of there looking more or less like you [TS]

  wanted to look right now but the [TS]

  comb-over is more an expression of the [TS]

  barber than it is of the person living [TS]

  under the country think so i really do [TS]

  you think you got 25 BBQ five different [TS]

  come over [TS]

  yeah i mean because because like you're [TS]

  saying the comb-over is an opportunity [TS]

  you're reading Penthouse the comb-over [TS]

  is the opportunity for the for the [TS]

  barber to create a hair nest where there [TS]

  was none over and and if he if he make [TS]

  some choices if he makes you look like [TS]

  mo from the Three Stooges you you're not [TS]

  going to question it you're not gonna go [TS]

  hey because you already feel you already [TS]

  feel ridiculous going in there and [TS]

  having him you know make a hair helps [TS]

  you imagine there must be people who [TS]

  specialize in that I i have to admit [TS]

  I've thought about this a lot and I'd [TS]

  what god bless you anybody's gonna come [TS]

  over I'm not [TS]

  don't let the showing you have [TS]

  accomplished I'm not criticizing the [TS]

  president but really let today be the [TS]

  day and you know what if you gotta go t [TS]

  to let's just go ahead and give that [TS]

  little extra thought too well no no what [TS]

  kind of go to you're talking about [TS]

  because there are several kinds if you [TS]

  still got the name is going to you know [TS]

  exactly what Cody moi do know that i'm [TS]

  not talking about queens of the stone [TS]

  age like i'm not i'm not talking about [TS]

  like chinstrap Lincoln canon sometimes I [TS]

  like to rock a colonel sanders you like [TS]

  a VanDyke it's not a VanDyke exactly [TS]

  it's a mark twain it's like you got the [TS]

  got the mustache you can underneath but [TS]

  they don't connect ok here's here's the [TS]

  thing though it's somebody comes in and [TS]

  i have no idea i'm so curious about how [TS]

  this works [TS]

  looking at the stories about how any [TS]

  warhol I had a guy we hired a guy to [TS]

  come in every few weeks and act like he [TS]

  was trimming his wig haha so there's a [TS]

  guy who would come in and I and and so [TS]

  things have noticed armature look at how [TS]

  do you make that phone call you go high [TS]

  on this guy who makes really famous pop [TS]

  art I obviously have a wig and i would [TS]

  like you to come over and pretend to cut [TS]

  it or you know it's probably something [TS]

  much more subtle than that and this is [TS]

  why I should go to a prostitute [TS]

  I know so little about how this kind of [TS]

  stuff works and i'm guessing the guy [TS]

  comes over he's got it takes his tools [TS]

  out because he's probably doing a closet [TS]

  or something in his house right he's [TS]

  he's a busy guy yesterday and I bet when [TS]

  he's getting his haircut everybody [TS]

  babies doing it right in the middle of [TS]

  the room and somebody's making a film [TS]

  about it and somebody's doing an [TS]

  interpretive dance about it he's not [TS]

  gonna miss that opportunity [TS]

  oh I see this is this is not so [TS]

  different from the the dead baby otter [TS]

  you know I mean it's a serendipity [TS]

  anyway somebody comes over as part of [TS]

  its a part of a performance and I i was [TS]

  trying to I was trying to think of how i [TS]

  could incorporate this dead baby honor [TS]

  into a performance i couldn't i don't [TS]

  doubt for a second that you can [TS]

  incorporate it but I mean I'm not saying [TS]

  is I thought about this a lot because if [TS]

  it were mean and I'm fortunate to be at [TS]

  least for now a largely be haired man so [TS]

  I'm not in a position to say anything [TS]

  about this i'm saying is like when you [TS]

  first go in it seems like there's got to [TS]

  be a first-time where you come in and he [TS]

  probably speak in you know anything is [TS]

  again now if you're getting hand jobs [TS]

  every day you know exactly what to say [TS]

  and you're not embarrassed about it you [TS]

  say i would like this kind of a handjob [TS]

  don't have this much to spend [TS]

  this is the thing that fascinates me [TS]

  about people to talk about sex [TS]

  uninhibited you're not gonna talk about [TS]

  comb-overs are you alright go ahead no [TS]

  go ahead [TS]

  no no I'm interested to hear because i [TS]

  know you're you're fixated on your own [TS]

  hair [TS]

  I am so not fixated stream a get-well [TS]

  dollar haircut John I know but you get [TS]

  at $12 haircut but how much time do you [TS]

  spend talking about your haircut before [TS]

  you get it [TS]

  I'm sure that I'm sure that you could [TS]

  pay overtime me you could pay the barber [TS]

  fifty dollars and still not have [TS]

  compensated him adequately for his time [TS]

  I have very fine hairs on your nerves [TS]

  tremendous and that is why your your [TS]

  haircut fixation is a is such a such a a [TS]

  source of joy for me [TS]

  we act like being a barber is a typical [TS]

  sort of like blue-collar trade you know [TS]

  and really there's no such thing as a [TS]

  typical blue-collar traders huge amount [TS]

  of expertise this is a person think [TS]

  about this you're bringing in if you're [TS]

  dealing with comb-overs you're dealing [TS]

  with psychology you are dealing [TS]

  certainly with physics you're dealing [TS]

  with a lot of mechanical skills and also [TS]

  to handle money you're an artist you are [TS]

  an artist because you're going to have [TS]

  to say to that person and again you're [TS]

  going to overtime that should that not [TS]

  evolve you probably can't rock the same [TS]

  color if you were doing the mo for a [TS]

  while and that was working right you [TS]

  know and then probably know but pretty [TS]

  soon and dealing with natural hair [TS]

  you're also a time traveler because you [TS]

  are you are cutting hair and you are [TS]

  extrapolating with this haircut is going [TS]

  to look like in six weeks [TS]

  I mean you're way ahead of your way out [TS]

  of everybody else because the halfway [TS]

  houses they probably aren't always on [TS]

  top of the game financially they [TS]

  probably have hard times right correct [TS]

  is it possible that you could help them [TS]

  up [TS]

  that honor and somebody could make that [TS]

  into a hairpiece hmm i don't think that [TS]

  the skill set that the people in the [TS]

  halfway houses have I don't know I don't [TS]

  think their skill sets overlap taxidermy [TS]

  taxidermy so hard [TS]

  taxidermy is not what people think it is [TS]

  did your dad have taxidermy animals in [TS]

  the house [TS]

  oh yeah we're who inherited those uh [TS]

  there's a very very very large canada [TS]

  geese at my mom's house [TS]

  mm there I thought you got it but you [TS]

  don't have a single like little little [TS]

  angry fox in your house a little angry [TS]

  Fox perched on a personal log I don't [TS]

  want to say the super obvious thing but [TS]

  I find I'm incredibly impressed by [TS]

  taxidermy because I i want to listen to [TS]

  understand taxidermy is not what it [TS]

  sounds like they say stuffing and no [TS]

  you're not you're making a sculpture of [TS]

  that animal rights its own people have [TS]

  no idea they think when you hear it [TS]

  stuffing an animal you think you know [TS]

  you cut it open like a carpet stick a [TS]

  bunch of cotton balls then but sometimes [TS]

  that if you've ever seen somebody's [TS]

  somebody's taxidermy dog that was done [TS]

  poorly and i hope you never have to see [TS]

  that but if you have never watch [TS]

  television and older relatives house and [TS]

  they have a small dog mounted on top of [TS]

  the TV [TS]

  oh you're not be able to focus on the [TS]

  price is right here that guy's going to [TS]

  go over the mountains you steering this [TS]

  little fucking googly eyes [TS]

  well that's terrible and also you're [TS]

  slipping on the plastic-covered couch [TS]

  while you're trying to avoid that week [TS]

  the gaze of their poorly taxidermied [TS]

  former Penn and the cats all the cats [TS]

  but the now anyway but we can move on [TS]

  but i'm saying is when i was in there [TS]

  though [TS]

  ok so answer question no I don't because [TS]

  I find it incredibly creepy to have [TS]

  stuffed animals around when we go to you [TS]

  can see it's a skin of an animal over a [TS]

  plastic armature everything about it is [TS]

  made up they look at and photograph lets [TS]

  the fish one particular interest me [TS]

  because it's you know I don't know a lot [TS]

  about it but it's all I'm saying is it's [TS]

  something that more people should [TS]

  respect as incredibly fucked up and [TS]

  creepy as it is it's it imagines making [TS]

  a fucking deer look realistic you have [TS]

  to build a sculpture of a deer you [TS]

  choose those are the deer's eyes that [TS]

  the pic eyes that look like they do it's [TS]

  it's it's a it's like what's his head [TS]

  that hyper-reality guy umberto eco it's [TS]

  like you're making like a simulacra dear [TS]

  from scratch practically right well [TS]

  there are some deer parts that you do [TS]

  use which parts like the little puffy [TS]

  tale of the skin of the deer [TS]

  so you cut that in a certain way that is [TS]

  going to keep it intact like you would [TS]

  do with an apple or an orange she tried [TS]

  to kill the deer ok and then you make up [TS]

  then you make a plastic dear how did [TS]

  they get the inside that without tearing [TS]

  it [TS]

  that's the magic that's the magic of [TS]

  taxidermy now unlike handjobs and colors [TS]

  you can go into a taxidermy place and [TS]

  say this is official i got please make [TS]

  it look like this fish that's a [TS]

  transaction that seems very [TS]

  straightforward you can say that in a [TS]

  hand job parlor to you want to look like [TS]

  this [TS]

  well you can say this is a fish oh I [TS]

  want you to make it look like this [TS]

  oh and the handjob prepare goes [TS]

  mm okay i'm playing along I've heard [TS]

  some people say hey if you liked this [TS]

  haircut take a picture of it and bring [TS]

  it back [TS]

  do you think you can do that with [TS]

  handjobs locate let me be the first time [TS]

  could you bring in like maybe a shotgun [TS]

  your iphone you bring in a video of a [TS]

  handjob you've enjoyed just I'm asking [TS]

  for a friend or if you've got a hand job [TS]

  you've been shooting the handjob while [TS]

  it's happening can you bring it back [TS]

  later that same he's not there [TS]

  you bring it in and can you do you think [TS]

  you be able to replicate that maybe they [TS]

  say you know what that's not the kind [TS]

  idea that's not my background I think [TS]

  that every hand job is different because [TS]

  every day is a new day [TS]

  you know this is my America's great John [TS]

  it really is unlike a taxidermied [TS]

  animals which is which is stuck in time [TS]

  right it's never going to grow more [TS]

  Morpher yeah he's gonna lose for ya you [TS]

  are constantly shutting off your skin [TS]

  cells so so next week [TS]

  your penis is a different penis who then [TS]

  it was the week before you can go in and [TS]

  say I took a video of my last handjob I [TS]

  want to do it exactly like this because [TS]

  you don't know what your friend your [TS]

  penis is different let's be honest and [TS]

  ladies has different this is fucking he [TS]

  replied to stay one that's a really good [TS]

  point John has a Heraclitus would be a [TS]

  really good name for a hand job portal [TS]

  other one [TS]

  Wow Heraclitus 'as you never dip it in [TS]

  the same hand twice their Heraclitus is [TS]

  a about parlor of mystery [TS]

  I'm just gonna go well what do you want [TS]

  to put up the parmenides parlor has a [TS]

  certain rigidity so it does who does so [TS]

  I yeah I would feel like what you would [TS]

  do to get what you would try to [TS]

  approximate the handjob you got last [TS]

  time by saying some you know you by [TS]

  saying some of the same [TS]

  I mean I think that we have friends we [TS]

  have mutual friend now you and I who [TS]

  could address this topic just quite [TS]

  directly [TS]

  this is this is this the friend that you [TS]

  ran into that day uh I right I run into [TS]

  people all the time I win the heart when [TS]

  you're in the handjob district and you [TS]

  ran into somebody I was it was this is [TS]

  my house with my run into the hand just [TS]

  your help friend and just watch it you [TS]

  don't think so yeah yeah you know what [TS]

  seems different things when I didn't [TS]

  have got a public schools i was in [TS]

  Seattle's handjob district he told the [TS]

  story is a terrific story anyway I but I [TS]

  feel like I feel like in order to get [TS]

  the handjob you want you say you have to [TS]

  say some things directly and you have to [TS]

  say some things obliquely right you [TS]

  don't want to really do you really think [TS]

  so you don't go in and just say here's [TS]

  what I want [TS]

  get her done I disagree and ask to be [TS]

  there has to be a you have to have some [TS]

  amount of like pretending but I make my [TS]

  adopt me briefly very cuz i dont IM not [TS]

  in any position to do this with you but [TS]

  me I get slightly Socratic for a minute [TS]

  please do i would you agree that doing [TS]

  handjobs for a living is a kind of [TS]

  business [TS]

  yes okay would you seed that those [TS]

  people have probably before choice [TS]

  awards don't use the word can't let me [TS]

  start over [TS]

  which means through spellings and say [TS]

  what you inseminate that the people that [TS]

  give handjobs probably have more [TS]

  experience with giving handjobs then you [TS]

  and know the business [TS]

  yes okay and is it fair to say that with [TS]

  those things in place that they are in a [TS]

  position to appreciate candor further [TS]

  customers so that they can deliver the [TS]

  best product for the correct price [TS]

  yes I believe that's true ok so somebody [TS]

  comes to you and says we want to so I [TS]

  hurt you i don't want people I like that [TS]

  stuff you could you know you want to go [TS]

  com play fucking concert at the club [TS]

  it's this much right you don't want to [TS]

  come in bellingham the people with a [TS]

  whole bunch of like I don't know what [TS]

  that is a verb [TS]

  well I mean I'm turning it into a verbal [TS]

  that's good can you just a rough idea [TS]

  transitive verb to bellingham was enter [TS]

  the city of Billingham is the plant is [TS]

  the is the city in the most north [TS]

  western corner of the United States you [TS]

  could say the push for [TS]

  out in out in little Peninsula is more [TS]

  is further west but it's not as far [TS]

  north a bellingham is where the present [TS]

  where the west coast sort of passive [TS]

  aggressive mealy-mouth we can all agree [TS]

  on cheese tendencies as you move further [TS]

  north and further west those ten traits [TS]

  are concentrated until you get to the [TS]

  city of Bellingham where no one can make [TS]

  a decision no one can ever express uh-uh [TS]

  opinion no one has no one no one can [TS]

  ever get into an argument it is [TS]

  impossible to get into an argument with [TS]

  it was something about him because they [TS]

  will go oh I see the ax plus 8 valley [TS]

  oh my god oh my god is that I mean in [TS]

  the same way that the Mississippi Delta [TS]

  products so much rich blues music is [TS]

  this where don't yell at me music has [TS]

  its basis do you think this is where [TS]

  don't miele music came from it is where [TS]

  don't yell at me culture comes from you [TS]

  go you go up there and people you know [TS]

  if you start talking in an unvarnished [TS]

  way about a about your feelings or about [TS]

  some ideas you had people will throw an [TS]

  Icelandic sweaters at you and just so [TS]

  muscle or give a redacted version of the [TS]

  anecdote on tumblr tomorrow with like [TS]

  ellipses so I'm beginning to feel like [TS]

  just going having things is the thing [TS]

  but I opposed to I want to stay i want [TS]

  to put a stop to bellingham and um but [TS]

  but so you don't want to go into a hand [TS]

  job parlor [TS]

  and-and-and bellingham the woman but at [TS]

  the same time there is an element of [TS]

  fantasy necessary for for you to become [TS]

  truly around you can't unless unless [TS]

  you're like a very unless you really are [TS]

  unless you're a sicko unless you're a [TS]

  sociopath and you're like I want you to [TS]

  whack me off right now and I want to [TS]

  watch and I want you to start a little [TS]

  taxicab meter and I want you know I was [TS]

  that some people like it because of that [TS]

  though the dirtiness only like the [TS]

  dirtiness but there has to be there has [TS]

  to be some element i think the dirt [TS]

  people like the dirtiness wire to be an [TS]

  element of degradation and the people [TS]

  who don't like the dirtiness want there [TS]

  to be like some the some pretend game [TS]

  where the woman actually likes this [TS]

  right she's going to take on [TS]

  hitters she's doing because she enjoys [TS]

  watching you have pleasure even though [TS]

  the woman at the hand job parlor doesn't [TS]

  care about you now Germany German goes [TS]

  in there is a german one taxi meter [TS]

  well the German once the woman to take a [TS]

  poo on him haha i periodically run [TS]

  across German pornography on the [TS]

  internet and i'm struck constructed [TS]

  there is any way that the German whatnot [TS]

  race what's the word I'm looking for [TS]

  I don't know how German people have [TS]

  babies because it seems to involve a lot [TS]

  of improvement over the old to point out [TS]

  there's very little penetration of the [TS]

  proper holes it's a lot of poop and [TS]

  hitting yeah [TS]

  poop yeah poopin hitting nobody was in [TS]

  the many years in college that I spent [TS]

  learning multiculturalism has taught me [TS]

  to respect and admire the German group [TS]

  Culture PSX culture [TS]

  I don't judge know if you can't judge no [TS]

  um yeah I can I see what you're saying I [TS]

  see what you're saying I guess what I'm [TS]

  saying is like I guess we should not [TS]

  make it all about handjobs but let's [TS]

  talk about haircuts [TS]

  let's say you go in and get a haircut [TS]

  and you want to touch your balls how do [TS]

  you ask is it something where you see [TS]

  that directly or do you do you make out [TS]

  like a pointing south thing like if [TS]

  you're getting if you're getting a [TS]

  haircut and you want to to do it a [TS]

  little more rigidly at the top [TS]

  uh-huh I think you pulled sylvester [TS]

  stallone at that point eat eggs in class [TS]

  now the sylvester stallone is a one [TS]

  point he was making a film here in [TS]

  Seattle and him having someone to make [TS]

  it was one of those alone movies where [TS]

  he's driving a car around and they're [TS]

  filming chase scenes in a city over and [TS]

  if you live in the city you realize that [TS]

  one shot to the next he's gone 15 miles [TS]

  and now he said that happens in bullet i [TS]

  just made great time you get to potrero [TS]

  hill really fast [TS]

  how did he do that how does he keep [TS]

  being on the top of the hill keep [TS]

  driving downhill and now he's on the [TS]

  topic and must be when Van Ness had a [TS]

  trebuchet but yeah so yeah just flings [TS]

  himself all the way over [TS]

  uh this alone movie is one of these [TS]

  terrible movies where where he's a spy [TS]

  and there are no spies in Seattle first [TS]

  of all I know that for a fact and he was [TS]

  sized him up he's a spy and he's driving [TS]

  around a puppy leather car coat because [TS]

  it happened during that era and it one [TS]

  minute he's on this side of the town and [TS]

  the next minute he's on that side and a [TS]

  lot of people i knew a lot of people in [TS]

  the Seattle because she was trying to be [TS]

  a film town at that time I a lot of [TS]

  people were working on this film and so [TS]

  I heard this story firsthand if he had [TS]

  he had like.he was Mike for sound right [TS]

  well they're filming the movie and then [TS]

  when he he's not in this scene or [TS]

  something like that he's back at his [TS]

  trailer but he's got the microphone [TS]

  still on about know and he's getting oh [TS]

  yeah is this really true [TS]

  yeah he's getting a blowjob from us some [TS]

  some production assistant lady [TS]

  oh I put pretty sure it's a lady can not [TS]

  that part of the story was never [TS]

  stipulated but i'm pretty sure it's a [TS]

  live one here and and but everyone in [TS]

  the sound truck they're all listening to [TS]

  him get this blowjob and i have never [TS]

  heard a recording of it but I have heard [TS]

  the story from multiple people and it's [TS]

  always the same hands and but the pole [TS]

  quote the pole quote from Stallone is [TS]

  cradle the balls working shaft cradle [TS]

  the balls work the shaft two-and-a-half [TS]

  on the side splendid on top and told [TS]

  josh Josh in the early nineties when [TS]

  this story made that made the rounds the [TS]

  idea i think that you could say to [TS]

  someone cradle the balls [TS]

  work the shaft that was kind of a [TS]

  revelation because you know you're used [TS]

  to that when you're in your early [TS]

  twenties and you're getting your first [TS]

  or your too late teens let's say i don't [TS]

  know i don't know when people get their [TS]

  first blow jobs maybe that happens in [TS]

  their early teens not for me kind of [TS]

  touched on a blowjob here [TS]

  yeah it was something that is something [TS]

  that that I I really kicked into gear [TS]

  with a little bit later in life but you [TS]

  know you like to start out slow when you [TS]

  first start getting blowjobs [TS]

  yeah you're you're the only thing that [TS]

  ever comes out of your mouth the only [TS]

  thing you ever say is thank you i think [TS]

  it's just it seems like an awful lot to [TS]

  ask of any thank you that's so amazing [TS]

  thank you even if it's a terrible blow [TS]

  job which as you get all [TS]

  do you realize there can be really [TS]

  terrible blow job absolutely but God [TS]

  think about it from that person is it [TS]

  you don't well I don't know people that [TS]

  they there are enough of them happening [TS]

  right now as we speak [TS]

  that's people like it people like to do [TS]

  it yeah you really think so [TS]

  oh yeah you have to you have to like to [TS]

  do it's not a unit deeply than altruism [TS]

  and gentlemen this is the bellingham [TS]

  problem you think the blowjobs our favor [TS]

  but there but they're not there and it's [TS]

  not necessarily favorites not teaching [TS]

  like going to a place you're going to [TS]

  change in England cottaging you go into [TS]

  places and there are apparently not just [TS]

  in England I guess problems in Germany [TS]

  to you can walk into a place in somebody [TS]

  coupon hit you just because they enjoy [TS]

  that right right or maybe something's in [TS]

  there maybe somebody's in there saying [TS]

  this is occupied [TS]

  please come on in my hair I would be [TS]

  happy to receive your your graciousness [TS]

  there's a side to everything the person [TS]

  who was walking down broadway on a leash [TS]

  in assless leather chaps kids get [TS]

  habitats and leather chaps they're all [TS]

  assless right exactly like that except [TS]

  he doesn't have any pants on under [TS]

  consensual that's consensual they're [TS]

  happy to be chapped he likes to be the [TS]

  one making in chaps and just as much as [TS]

  the guy who's holding the leash likes it [TS]

  and so so i think that i think that is [TS]

  true for blowjobs to but in any case you [TS]

  you it was a revelation in the early [TS]

  nineties to realize that you could speak [TS]

  so directly to someone who is fellating [TS]

  you and say cradle the balls [TS]

  work the shaft like those are two [TS]

  instructions not incompatible with one [TS]

  another [TS]

  uh-huh and he's saying like you got two [TS]

  hands basically put them to work [TS]

  absolutely when you deal with the other [TS]

  one working 2-10 key come on [TS]

  exactly yet we got this other hand [TS]

  you're like running it through your hair [TS]

  trying to look hot because it's your [TS]

  call a production assistant not a [TS]

  production distraction exactly that [TS]

  there's no it is true [TS]

  there used to be an ad that ran in the [TS]

  local newspapers here from for the hot [TS]

  tub place you know the place where you [TS]

  go reread the hot tub for an hour okay [TS]

  like that bathhouse kind of thing well [TS]

  yeah except it was it was it was [TS]

  targeted for straight people i mean i'm [TS]

  sure 99 percent so she was in the cedar [TS]

  instead of a porcelain right okay and [TS]

  the picture that they had was of a the [TS]

  picture they had was a woman in a bath [TS]

  in a hot tub in a bikini [TS]

  and she was drinking a like a [TS]

  cosmopolitan with one hand right and [TS]

  also simultaneously running her fingers [TS]

  seductively through her hair with the [TS]

  other hand and I don't know if you've [TS]

  ever tried to drink a cosmopolitan and [TS]

  seductively run your hands through your [TS]

  hair at the same time but you can't it [TS]

  is it's a physical impossibility try to [TS]

  use it as a field sobriety tests it's [TS]

  like if you even agree to take the test [TS]

  they know you're drunk [TS]

  especially if you're holding a [TS]

  cosmopolitan let's be honest and I would [TS]

  look at this and every time I open the [TS]

  newspaper and infuriated me more [TS]

  infuriating me almost as much as those [TS]

  stupid rosetta stone adds the Iowa farm [TS]

  boy is learning Italian so that he can [TS]

  so that he can get the Italian [TS]

  supermodel that I got a great job an [TS]

  automobile repair by learning Aramaic [TS]

  and but the but the other the Rosetta [TS]

  Stone has pissed me off mostly because [TS]

  that the first time I saw that it was a [TS]

  very effective and then they ran the [TS]

  same ad for five years huh [TS]

  I was like get a new ad company get a [TS]

  new idea there's a second one of those [TS]

  right I'm he he was a Florida auto [TS]

  mechanic she was Japanese but furry I [TS]

  thought that way about a crystal [TS]

  commercial in the early eighties which [TS]

  I'm starting to think might have been [TS]

  with the opposite of mass hysteria [TS]

  personal insanity it was that where they [TS]

  would have testimonials and they talked [TS]

  to a very old Southern woman and they [TS]

  showed her name on the bottom of the [TS]

  screen name is Toby smelly how it's [TS]

  spelled like it sounds [TS]

  Tommy's allies Mel's in another why [TS]

  topic how do you fix you pronounce it [TS]

  I don't think she called herself copy [TS]

  smell it should because the tip a smell [TS]

  it [TS]

  yeah so press mine now no this is a lady [TS]

  you know exactly the kind of lady you [TS]

  would seem like candid camera like kind [TS]

  of like a lady in her fifties sixties [TS]

  were like I'm as I remember and I could [TS]

  remember this wrong i'm going to google [TS]

  this and find out that I got this dead [TS]

  wrong but remember there's commercials [TS]

  that were on over and over and over [TS]

  again especially local local commercials [TS]

  but in that case you know ancient [TS]

  chinese secret right like rights that is [TS]

  so pounded into my head [TS]

  and it was so awful and on so many times [TS]

  that you know now it's there it's there [TS]

  it's encoded right on the hard drive [TS]

  whatever that you're looking for a [TS]

  better set of wheels that level stand [TS]

  upon my head to beat all deals with that [TS]

  last car washed well well it turns out [TS]

  that there's it growing up in Alaska the [TS]

  ford dealer was named Cal Worthington [TS]

  that sounds completely made up Cal [TS]

  Worthington and he had this you have [TS]

  this TV commercial where you start from [TS]

  from cheek markdown no galworthy the [TS]

  news is respectable for a whip crack [TS]

  every time you say his name down within [TS]

  1h well he had a theme song where he he [TS]

  would get up he would get up on top of [TS]

  cars he would dance and he would say I [TS]

  will stand upon my head to beat all [TS]

  deals i will stand upon my head until my [TS]

  ears are turning red go see cal cosecant [TS]

  sounds like dr. suits and he would stand [TS]

  on his head in his TV commercials and [TS]

  you would think I gotta go see cal and [TS]

  growing up in Alaska these commercials [TS]

  were they ran every 20 seconds [TS]

  yes for 15 years right everybody in [TS]

  Anchorage Alaska can sing cowards and [TS]

  seemed song all the way through and her [TS]

  are because he would buy 30-second spots [TS]

  but he would buy one minute spots and I [TS]

  think sometimes late at night there'd be [TS]

  two minutes bother got this song has six [TS]

  verses in the waffle house [TS]

  oh it just goes on and on and on you and [TS]

  he and and he added vs as it as compact [TS]

  cars came in or campers and vans you [TS]

  continue to stipulate that he would [TS]

  stand upon his head [TS]

  yeah if you're looking for a campervan [TS]

  and I will stand upon my head to get [TS]

  your camper van and and so what was what [TS]

  was kind of confusing was that in all [TS]

  his commercials he was standing on his [TS]

  head in in an environment where there [TS]

  were palm trees and it was very sunny [TS]

  outside and the other is for blue [TS]

  screens right yeah he's doing he's doing [TS]

  this out in the world it's not before [TS]

  before a green screen that TV commercial [TS]

  he would stand upon his head in a in a [TS]

  in a studio and they would they would [TS]

  slide in a backdrop [TS]

  and in Alaska we were so we we we were [TS]

  so confused about what the outside world [TS]

  looked like that it never I don't think [TS]

  it ever occurred to anybody that Cal [TS]

  Worthington also had also had chains in [TS]

  california right and he was really a [TS]

  California car dealer who had one [TS]

  dealership in Alaska right but we never [TS]

  put that together and it was just like [TS]

  oh sure he's got palm trees because he's [TS]

  there is Kalin ten courses bomb trees [TS]

  had been in santa monica use it probably [TS]

  in santa monica he probably had a whole [TS]

  he probably 25 dealerships in California [TS]

  and one in Alaska but we I mean I when [TS]

  you meet an Alaskan ceasing the cal [TS]

  worthington theme song and and it's like [TS]

  you like big hugs all around six months [TS]

  if you're from you know southwest Ohio [TS]

  that would be cash hamburg and cash [TS]

  amburgey ksh cash last name amburgey and [TS]

  initially was one of the ambergris Dukes [TS]

  take a journey to the center of my [TS]

  catches caches big bargain barn in south [TS]

  Lebanon Ohio save cash with cash [TS]

  follow the cars follow the signs to [TS]

  catch his big bargain barn in south [TS]

  Lebanon Ohio and that was just always be [TS]

  there forever [TS]

  yeah it's there in your mind it caches [TS]

  big bargain barn fucking love the [TS]

  nineteen seventies yeah you could not [TS]

  you you didn't make it all the way [TS]

  through calculus i'm guessing but you [TS]

  have that in your mind until the day you [TS]

  die [TS]

  is that right did you make it all the [TS]

  way to calculus [TS]

  ok i'm not trying to make you feel bad [TS]

  really i didn't make it all the way [TS]

  through calculus either at geometry in [TS]

  12th grade John haha i think i have ever [TS]

  believed in 8th graders to take geometry [TS]

  maybe the way is the seventh graders to [TS]

  take geometry i took Jodi sometime [TS]

  pretty early there [TS]

  yeah yeah but I quit I quit taking a [TS]

  quick taking math you gotta gotta be in [TS]

  cursive and cursive huh i don't think [TS]

  they teach that anymore i was wondering [TS]

  about that i wasn't even teach cursive [TS]

  anymore I don't you teach cursive you [TS]

  know you know when we were kids and we [TS]

  will call cursive our parents will be no [TS]

  people my parents or grandparents [TS]

  generation with the cats like what the [TS]

  fuck is cursive mean right it means [TS]

  handwriting that long [TS]

  let me get well you know yeah and like [TS]

  everybody has provided it was eric [TS]

  clapton's original rock nickname before [TS]

  people realized he doesn't have long [TS]

  hands he has a short guitar hey that's [TS]

  all you say is forced perspective like [TS]

  the Jackson think it was like yeah he [TS]

  had a guitar that was made three quarter [TS]

  sized coming up in a ball rock-like is [TS]

  your hand he's the one who is spray [TS]

  paint Clapton is God [TS]

  that's a good question that's your [TS]

  things in a brand or not but you know [TS]

  Brian Epstein you know the story with [TS]

  Brian Epstein with by you personally [TS]

  Barker yeah like the singles the early [TS]

  singles he would make sure there was a [TS]

  sellout because he would personally buy [TS]

  them also brian epstein very into [TS]

  cottaging m gen John Lennon and john [TS]

  lennon now what do you think do you [TS]

  think they ever fooled around [TS]

  yeah I bet you didn't like a fool around [TS]

  with him just to assist just to say hey [TS]

  could ya I'd like to fuck with people [TS]

  you know what I mean like you like to [TS]

  have that he liked to hold that over his [TS]

  head [TS]

  who do you think who do you think was [TS]

  the hand in hand do you think John was [TS]

  getting the getting is getting skinned [TS]

  haircut pretty sure John was a top [TS]

  producer john lennon was a top ok and so [TS]

  do you think do you think he gave Brian [TS]

  have seen instructions [TS]

  no I think he probably giggle that brian [TS]

  epstein i think he probably used he used [TS]

  the shame and fear of fear of Revelation [TS]

  keep brian epstein you know but i bet [TS]

  you know the thing about gay men is that [TS]

  they hunt they know how to give a [TS]

  handjob the penis is not a strange thing [TS]

  to them they've seen one before that the [TS]

  challenge of the challenge of giving [TS]

  handjob or blowjob instructions is that [TS]

  you're dealing with a woman like has [TS]

  never seen one before word there is this [TS]

  is one reason there's a lot of Appeal [TS]

  any strictly sexual satisfaction basis [TS]

  to doing things with somebody of the [TS]

  same gender & had the risk of sounding [TS]

  provincial i I've never done anything [TS]

  with somebody of the same gender I'm not [TS]

  right [TS]

  no even in college no tener aback but [TS]

  alright who would have me I on era haha [TS]

  but they say well you know you got you [TS]

  already got that you got the equipment [TS]

  right you know how to you know how to [TS]

  work the tool [TS]

  sure [TS]

  her to you know you and so maybe maybe [TS]

  it's a more efficient thing you don't [TS]

  have to give this kind of instructions [TS]

  and you know it's absolutely true when I [TS]

  think you know as a gay man you also [TS]

  realize that a little pinky of the bomb [TS]

  that I didn't want to say it but I think [TS]

  if you go into a place now how do you [TS]

  ask for that you just call the bomb [TS]

  why you say I don't don't get it to [TS]

  short in the back yeah i think what you [TS]

  do is you do the international sign for [TS]

  pinky up the bum which is you hold up a [TS]

  hand where you're at so you make this so [TS]

  if you make a fist right after Homer [TS]

  fist and then just raise the pink are [TS]

  you sure that's international yeah if [TS]

  you hold up a fist and then raise the [TS]

  pinky that is picking up the bum what [TS]

  else does it mean [TS]

  well how about this nobody counts 125 [TS]

  starting with the pinky you know in [TS]

  Europe I think we start with your thumb [TS]

  my daughter accounts with her thumb sure [TS]

  starting I think she might be European [TS]

  but the but the thing is with [TS]

  but the but the thing is with [TS]

  ok there's all the different ways you [TS]

  like when you two just to give somebody [TS]

  the finger in England you do the little [TS]

  i'm doing things with my fingers from a [TS]

  20 on do the makeup yeah but peace sign [TS]

  and I just wonder from cultures all sure [TS]

  if that might differ i could see people [TS]

  i could see people in Romanian the [TS]

  Balkans 20-something pretty different [TS]

  people all around the world want to pick [TS]

  up the bomb is that right yeah and and [TS]

  then there's there's only one way to say [TS]

  it [TS]

  ok international language make a fist [TS]

  and then raise the pinky thing and then [TS]

  you kind of do it you do a sweeping [TS]

  motion gonna do a sweeping motion like [TS]

  and then it's in your bumper right [TS]

  you're holding it up here it is and [TS]

  sweep think it was Family Circus there [TS]

  be a black dotted line indicate money [TS]

  here goes it goes across the yard [TS]

  Oh over the fence I'll tell you where [TS]

  Billy's got speaking my ass that's where [TS]

  Billy is and then or rain the bomb not [TS]

  me but that isn't a thing I think most i [TS]

  think most young ladies are shy about [TS]

  putting their pinky in your bomb even [TS]

  though you think they should know they [TS]

  do or should know that everybody likes [TS]

  that [TS]

  yeah because i think i think putting [TS]

  stuff in a lady's bum is a different [TS]

  threats in a different category so you [TS]

  know that's like that's like how long we [TS]

  known each other [TS]

  that's a smaller slice of the pie yeah [TS]

  well can be can be a bigger slice of the [TS]

  pile i don't know i don't want to really [TS]

  get into that [TS]

  yeah I'm not revealing too much ladies [TS]

  are very picky about who cuts the hair i [TS]

  think they're not afraid to go and be [TS]

  very specific about how they want their [TS]

  hair cut [TS]

  I want some of the ladies who are [TS]

  listening to this podcast to still have [TS]

  an element of surprise when they meet me [TS]

  also the act like they don't know about [TS]

  the pinky but then boom know if needed [TS]

  well let's look just like when I want to [TS]

  go home I when I hold up my fist and [TS]

  then I start raising the picture I want [TS]

  them to be like what's going to happen [TS]

  next [TS]

  I don't want them to know like [TS]

  everything maybe I think they please hit [TS]

  me maybe the german thing you want to [TS]

  fist in Germany the kitchen upon you [TS]

  well you're you stick that pinky out and [TS]

  then hit him hit him with the first but [TS]

  with the pinky and you break your own [TS]

  pinky and that's part of the hotness [TS]

  these are say thank you and leave a tip [TS]

  for like everything yet [TS]

  oh you do you don't that's not the kind [TS]

  of tip you want to leave [TS]

  I'm shutting this down [TS]

  [Music] [TS]