Roderick on the Line

Ep. 26: "Go Practice the Car"

 

  hello hey John how are you hi Berlin [TS]

  how's it going man John Roderick no it's [TS]

  not a good song [TS]

  no you don't like that it's a marquee [TS]

  like marches you know what I did I i [TS]

  cribbed a little bit from Janet Jackson [TS]

  and I think that's what you should do [TS]

  you should go back to the great stars of [TS]

  our youth and and find a song [TS]

  ok make some notes I mean you know what [TS]

  I didn't have to find it it's like a [TS]

  kind of synesthesia when I hear your [TS]

  name as i hear your voice [TS]

  huh who had that was it baudrillard [TS]

  Baudelaire body and who had somebody had [TS]

  that first beaudry Audrey was the guy [TS]

  that says that this is some the TV guy [TS]

  that's not going [TS]

  that's one thing of you know I you know [TS]

  I tell my daughter this you know [TS]

  anything about Bruce Lee and this is [TS]

  true and Bruce Lee success you know [TS]

  because he's a great actor is a terrific [TS]

  actor [TS]

  yeah you know that thing is he's very is [TS]

  a very moving story very moving story [TS]

  but you know what i heard Bruce Lee says [TS]

  bruce lee says if you want to break a [TS]

  board and I'm again i'm not really sure [TS]

  how effective that is from day to day [TS]

  but if you want to break a board you [TS]

  know what you donate for the board homo [TS]

  Game two inches behind the board [TS]

  wow that affects me in day-to-day life [TS]

  you keep your painting two inches behind [TS]

  the board I've never hit a board but I [TS]

  know when it happens I have a pretty [TS]

  good idea where to aim at something and [TS]

  he shouldn't think he might have done [TS]

  that metrics isn't from hong kong [TS]

  oh yeah but that was before metrics were [TS]

  invented ok that's how am I Thurman got [TS]

  out of that coffin was buried six feet [TS]

  underground [TS]

  oh and that the number with the guy [TS]

  likes feet [TS]

  that's right I said that was ok ok I [TS]

  think about that all the time because i [TS]

  have a have a lot of I'm a [TS]

  claustrophobic and I have a fear of [TS]

  being buried alive [TS]

  but but but you know that's how you [TS]

  probably research this in your many [TS]

  sleepless nights you know that's a thing [TS]

  right you're not alone in that in my [TS]

  long shot [TS]

  Oh about being buried i haven't [TS]

  researched it because it's not think [TS]

  that that is not a topic that I want to [TS]

  socially networked ok ok so you're not [TS]

  on Cora like asking questions about or [TS]

  ask metafilter like the best way to deal [TS]

  with no selling I just want to put out [TS]

  of my mind when it comes into my mind i [TS]

  asked myself how did this get in my mind [TS]

  just look to get out can be honest I [TS]

  don't buy that is that right [TS]

  oh you kidding me you keep cigarettes [TS]

  around your house just to make yourself [TS]

  stronger seems to me like you're the [TS]

  kind of person who might actually I [TS]

  don't know if you want to get can [TS]

  strengthen his coffin but you would get [TS]

  some kind of a coffin that you could [TS]

  practice with em it's really even [TS]

  talking about it now is giving me the [TS]

  creepy-crawlies I think it was a pole [TS]

  there i think it was i have to look this [TS]

  up i think it was a girl and Poe had the [TS]

  same you know what did he do the thing [TS]

  where they put the item in the brick the [TS]

  guy into the Cask of Amontillado cask of [TS]

  amontillado I think he had some kind of [TS]

  a special coffin that had like hinges [TS]

  and a phone here and he had a plan this [TS]

  I'm sorry I don't wanna upset you but it [TS]

  just seems to me that your man who [TS]

  arguably thrives if you like lives by by [TS]

  confronting your fears don't think Edgar [TS]

  Allan Poe had a phone in his coffin [TS]

  I don't have a way to prove that just [TS]

  just look just going back on the [TS]

  timeline who you don't think so not at [TS]

  all he couldn't have like guy I don't [TS]

  matter how to bail i think i'm gonna [TS]

  give me a quick one hit [TS]

  he's alive you need a pretty big fucking [TS]

  belt if you heard six feet under [TS]

  well I think what it is is a you have to [TS]

  bury it's too late for the bell but [TS]

  during the period during the period [TS]

  where you can actually just knock on it [TS]

  and get people's attention to something [TS]

  like a mausoleum [TS]

  yeah right okay maybe I he expected to [TS]

  be buried above-ground what about when [TS]

  you call your Butler don't you pull like [TS]

  a large silk rope and then that rings in [TS]

  the butler's pantry [TS]

  well what do i do know about the [TS]

  Centurion supertrain ring on supertrain [TS]

  have a butler's pantry the pantry guy [TS]

  but here around the house i just use one [TS]

  of those uh Lula's did you know that [TS]

  those spread disease Lulu's turns out [TS]

  that is oh it was Lucilla's ya think [TS]

  about that think about of Missoula and I [TS]

  think it was the zoo [TS]

  I don't know how to pronounce I don't [TS]

  really care but there was this is a [TS]

  thing when you had the soccer thing a [TS]

  few years ago people people in southern [TS]

  countries they get this thing and I [TS]

  think it's a little bit like those horns [TS]

  that you would buy at a shitty carnival [TS]

  i can show for really like the drive [TS]

  your car around [TS]

  no like a shofar the other and that you [TS]

  know the Jewish concrete yet to conquer [TS]

  ok they get to talk when they have the [TS]

  chauffeur [TS]

  oh so you're saying is that the talking [TS]

  stick at a camp here exactly except that [TS]

  I've been carrying it with him through [TS]

  the desert that doesn't involve puppets [TS]

  at all what the Jewish religion you know [TS]

  what's going on about this little [TS]

  puppetry in it that's true I so you're [TS]

  saying the vuvuzela is a disease [TS]

  spreader because it's a because as [TS]

  people go blah into it broadcasts their [TS]

  germs or just established for our for [TS]

  listeners you're not familiar with the [TS]

  soccer disease that when i was a kid [TS]

  there was lots of really stupid shit [TS]

  that you would buy a carnival they would [TS]

  either break and or become useless like [TS]

  the song we parted like the thing dogs [TS]

  dog on a leash i can remember the coke [TS]

  bottle that had been stretched so it was [TS]

  really tall that's mysterious I just [TS]

  kept thinking about easy that would be a [TS]

  break or the or the dog leash but there [TS]

  was no dog visible possible so nicely [TS]

  you could also like if you finally came [TS]

  to air lots of cocaine red laser scanner [TS]

  38 special who do you think of who you [TS]

  associate with coke mirrors [TS]

  uh I'm sure I think 38 specials pretty [TS]

  that's a pretty good grab em I'm gonna [TS]

  say also about Van Halen is a big coke [TS]

  mirror thing you think they saw any [TS]

  money from that [TS]

  now that was before you could track all [TS]

  that stuff down i don't really [TS]

  first-rate bring coke mirrors all across [TS]

  America if they had a friend they have [TS]

  phones at the time of Van Halen they [TS]

  didn't have phones but not in traveling [TS]

  carnivals traveling carnivals did all [TS]

  their business center but like at a [TS]

  phone booth like out by the highway [TS]

  ok alright kinda you know i mean i do [TS]

  i'm just thinking I could see my can [TS]

  think getting on getting on whatever [TS]

  version of a carnival person uses for a [TS]

  phone and saying what the fuck what the [TS]

  fuck where's our words are two central t [TS]

  on all these coconut we want our cocaine [TS]

  cut one bump is what's called a bump [TS]

  yeah we want to bump what we want a [TS]

  little bump yeah well the thing that [TS]

  used to mystify me was those those [TS]

  feathered Roach clips that wrote the [TS]

  threat you get those the carnival [TS]

  I don't understand what they're for I [TS]

  think there's so many drinks at a [TS]

  carnival that involve make-believe [TS]

  druggies work seems to me that if you [TS]

  were really serious about it I don't [TS]

  know if I've dick okay once i didn't do [TS]

  a lot for me but I'm just thinking the [TS]

  right a little funny its robustness [TS]

  holiday for you haha all right Matt down [TS]

  ok I will come to that um what is this [TS]

  drug [TS]

  Oh it makes you a makes you feel real [TS]

  good general wrong [TS]

  oh ok um I'm just thinking that if [TS]

  you're someone who was really serious [TS]

  about cocaine a you probably aren't [TS]

  hanging out at a carnival you're [TS]

  probably you're probably hanging out [TS]

  with hookers and people who pretend to [TS]

  like you so you can get a free bump off [TS]

  you [TS]

  oh that's where you're wrong my friend [TS]

  okay well it's okay this is what this is [TS]

  where I need more of your wish so i'm [TS]

  thinking you could get going to buy a [TS]

  glass a glass coffee table or possibly a [TS]

  peter frampton live record em you're [TS]

  going to use that now i don't know the [TS]

  razors i have rolled wheat on those but [TS]

  now and he did you eat had cocaine [TS]

  before I've had to ok i think that the [TS]

  coke i think that the cocaine mirror was [TS]

  was more of a decorative element then [TS]

  and then truly like I mean if you're [TS]

  when it's time to cut up some cocaine [TS]

  who I figure out you're going to use a [TS]

  peter frampton album [TS]

  you're not gonna you're not gonna take [TS]

  your van Halen mirror down off the wall [TS]

  doesn't harm the resale value of the [TS]

  fraction album yeah well ensign right [TS]

  whatwhat resale value their god i was [TS]

  listening to that Peter Frampton the [TS]

  other day on the radio [TS]

  well I can't account for it i really [TS]

  can't i okay I'm glad you said it and I [TS]

  mean I never told you my story about the [TS]

  records that accidentally got delivered [TS]

  to my house you got accidental records [TS]

  huh [TS]

  did you sign up for one of those record [TS]

  programs and then accidentally ordered a [TS]

  bunch of not paying for them later [TS]

  I one copy of sports by Huey Lewis heart [TS]

  my credit forever up because you didn't [TS]

  because they got you [TS]

  the guy was a triumph that know all the [TS]

  transfers are there was an alliance or [TS]

  something was one of their like mid [TS]

  eighties ones students say all the [TS]

  triumph records were bad it was it was [TS]

  like a like brownies version of rush i [TS]

  like that you think i'm gonna fake rush [TS]

  yeah they were fake rush maybe we try to [TS]

  sing high and stuff but 38 special was [TS]

  fake Skynyrd no no they were there they [TS]

  have a huge pop sensibility also to [TS]

  triumph the high disagree you don't want [TS]

  the triumph was the pop rush that's [TS]

  exactly and triumph or during the Age of [TS]

  paola triumph got their shit jammed into [TS]

  heavy rotation on MTV and that's why [TS]

  people know try emphasis MTV oh you bet [TS]

  that the fight the good fight video [TS]

  constantly that was something i'm [TS]

  talking about album-oriented radio a [TS]

  holiday or in Canada that's right aor [TS]

  missed the cut you and say oh you are up [TS]

  some poutine [TS]

  I didn't even know that triumph was on [TS]

  MTV because i was too busy driving [TS]

  around behind now awaiting release your [TS]

  locomotive or is your flame and should [TS]

  you be riding around in the passenger [TS]

  seat have a Piper Cub of my friends out [TS]

  of Fox [TS]

  listening to trial and ammonia is all [TS]

  summer i got damaged on I can i point [TS]

  out one thing just in passing and [TS]

  fucking i never got back to the movies [TS]

  umas rock [TS]

  here's the thing John I you mention this [TS]

  before in a previous visit but you did [TS]

  actually once in what I think was what [TS]

  you thought seemed like a jockey Weibo [TS]

  is obviously serious when I wanted to [TS]

  drive one time you offered to put a [TS]

  broom stick up my ass [TS]

  you've never not driven and so my [TS]

  question to you is we know from pump [TS]

  chili we know from mr. concentration [TS]

  these people driving around that you [TS]

  have a suspended license and how did you [TS]

  handle it [TS]

  why are people always driving around [TS]

  John will be that bad but in this [TS]

  particular instance will be around on [TS]

  record and Frampton powder know what was [TS]

  14 when we're driving at that point [TS]

  no I had well your precocious John [TS]

  technically here's here's how i learned [TS]

  to drive can my dad had an Audi 5000 but [TS]

  it was a diesel and it had a manual [TS]

  transmission and he took me out in the [TS]

  town of Girdwood Alaska which was at the [TS]

  time of town that had no paved roads it [TS]

  was just a little dirt town ski village [TS]

  and he showed me how the manual [TS]

  transmission work and we worked on it [TS]

  you know until I could get the car going [TS]

  i was i guess i was 15 i just turned 15 [TS]

  and then periodically on his whim a it [TS]

  would never happen when I asked to put [TS]

  on his whim he would throw me the keys [TS]

  and say go practice the car you quit [TS]

  doing the voice [TS]

  he'd say go practice the crime go drive [TS]

  around [TS]

  yeah but here's a rule don't know don't [TS]

  go over 30 miles an hour without warning [TS]

  he would just spring it on you don't [TS]

  over 30 quiz hotshot and so [TS]

  oh ok so i would get that you know i'm [TS]

  15 right and i would go out and get in [TS]

  the cards started up i stall it a couple [TS]

  times I get it going and then he would [TS]

  drive all over Girdwood and pick up [TS]

  every kid I knew [TS]

  and we would go out to the airport the [TS]

  Girdwood airport which was a dirt runway [TS]

  about a mile long and we start at one [TS]

  end of the runway [TS]

  ok driving on the runway with and weed [TS]

  flora and you know it's a diesel right [TS]

  so it takes risks and operating airport [TS]

  where planes went landed and took off [TS]

  well yeah but it but it's one of those [TS]

  Alaska airports where if you're if [TS]

  you're if you're a little airplane [TS]

  you're flying into the airport you look [TS]

  down and you see if there's anybody [TS]

  around and it's really more like an [TS]

  off-ramp there's yeah there's a [TS]

  frequency that you get on the radio and [TS]

  you say Girdwood traffic this is Cessna [TS]

  634 mike alpha or whatever a is there [TS]

  anyone in the anyone around and then you [TS]

  take your hand off the microphone if [TS]

  nobody says anything that you're like [TS]

  okay it's all me you don't expect it to [TS]

  have an Audi 5000 we didn't have a radio [TS]

  obviously but we put guitar awfully my [TS]

  place we'd started one another one way [TS]

  and we Florida but you know it's a [TS]

  runway right so you have all the time in [TS]

  the world and the and how he would get [TS]

  up 215 miles an hour however fast this [TS]

  thing could go i would pull the [TS]

  emergency brake and we would spin and [TS]

  spin and spin if you want anything you [TS]

  want anything about the middle of this [TS]

  runway you know it's all and all i do i [TS]

  mentioned it was covered with snow and [TS]

  ice right [TS]

  hello winter so we could pull but you [TS]

  didn't right over the turkey and this [TS]

  thing would just spin like a top you [TS]

  know it was so great i mean obviously at [TS]

  any second we could have hit a divot or [TS]

  whatever and and rolled it 30 times but [TS]

  it never happened and then i would drive [TS]

  a drive back and and my dad the keys be [TS]

  like I learned a lot I that really [TS]

  getting it [TS]

  I'm really getting it down and he never [TS]

  he never caught on urgently the key [TS]

  really needy know what you're up to and [TS]

  know your trouble here yeah he knew i [TS]

  was doing something but I don't think [TS]

  anybody expects a fifteen-year-old to go [TS]

  drive is dad's car down a runway I mean [TS]

  it's I don't think that was that that's [TS]

  the thing that's not about me and nature [TS]

  didn't [TS]

  never ever thing that you're doing what [TS]

  you doing maybe they can't even conceive [TS]

  of my dad learned to drive in a model a [TS]

  you know it's not eat it never occurred [TS]

  to him that I would be doing speed [TS]

  trials a emergency brake Speed Trials [TS]

  even before even before you get up i [TS]

  guess you were deep in auto didacticism [TS]

  even before you realized because you're [TS]

  doing everything on cable TV don't do [TS]

  this shows where they show how you can [TS]

  become like it like a secret agent [TS]

  chauffeur like you get one of those [TS]

  heavily armored cars it's just super [TS]

  super heavy because you you need a [TS]

  special kind of chauffeur if you're [TS]

  going to have an armored you know sedan [TS]

  you don't know how to get out like a [TS]

  drug dealers and surround you how you [TS]

  get out [TS]

  well that's why Diana Princess of Wales [TS]

  the princess of wales died because your [TS]

  chauffeur was a hack [TS]

  oh and he was wasn't he working for the [TS]

  other side he's like a double agent [TS]

  sufficient for well I don't know that's [TS]

  what they said he was definitely working [TS]

  for fayeed or who or whatever her [TS]

  boyfriend's name was but you know he was [TS]

  drunk and he obviously didn't know how [TS]

  to drive his car because he crashed the [TS]

  second project management you know pick [TS]

  one like he could be drunk or a double [TS]

  agent you know or one of the things you [TS]

  shouldn't do all this cartridge am i [TS]

  right though they're extremely heavy [TS]

  because the armory and I don't know if [TS]

  the glass makes it heavier the [TS]

  specialized are very heavy very heavy [TS]

  they are good mileage they don't get [TS]

  good mileage but I did learn to recover [TS]

  my car I reply learn to recover from [TS]

  almost any kind of spin [TS]

  I mean I've spun out a lot of cards but [TS]

  i but I you know I had learned to [TS]

  recover because i had done all this like [TS]

  heavy heavy crazy out-of-control car [TS]

  work when I was young but my dad did [TS]

  catch on to it later because that was [TS]

  all I did to that car but when he caught [TS]

  on to it when the when the cars expected [TS]

  lifespan of 350,000 miles or whatever [TS]

  was was dramatically truncated it was [TS]

  like who has his car [TS]

  why is this car falling apart it's only [TS]

  got 60,000 miles on it also as a hit [TS]

  over the head to get the get your place [TS]

  every couple weeks to replace the [TS]

  extremely odd pattern on the tires the [TS]

  front left and back right show a lot of [TS]

  wear on the outside edges mr. Roderick [TS]

  your anti-sway bars are bent beyond [TS]

  recognition [TS]

  mechana can account for it he makes [TS]

  pretty good cars right as a German car [TS]

  out he does make good cars and we we [TS]

  drove we drove out he's my dad my dad [TS]

  picked out he's for many years we had a [TS]

  succession of them and they always were [TS]

  they ran like tanks but a bit of course [TS]

  maintenance costs what they now with no [TS]

  I'll see might I had a 1970s VW bus [TS]

  which had you know what I had 12 what [TS]

  the in-between ones between the two [TS]

  models before the Porsche engines [TS]

  yeah I didn't have a Porsche no not from [TS]

  like a 911 but like you know but I had [TS]

  one it was between the pop-up it was [TS]

  going to my hinged like the jurors had [TS]

  hinge at an angle so you're hot but but [TS]

  oh you're talking about a camper yet [TS]

  again camper I can also you had like [TS]

  that like that like a band i had a [TS]

  camper that was totally sweet [TS]

  wow yeah yeah was awesome sounds like a [TS]

  real real love camper [TS]

  well I mean the backseat turned into an [TS]

  extremely awkward bed if that's what [TS]

  you're asking [TS]

  mmhmm yeah I learned from a Christian [TS]

  friend Chris who hadn't even though we [TS]

  had like making 65 and 66 bus and they [TS]

  said you should always keep it in this [TS]

  little closet open all doors like a tiny [TS]

  little Closet in their super cool yeah [TS]

  he always keep a oppressed white shirt [TS]

  preferably in the dry cleaning bag in [TS]

  there because you will eventually have [TS]

  an appearance in court if you don't have [TS]

  an and so I just as a real he's a real [TS]

  smooth got chris is once I learned so [TS]

  much from chris and and so I learned to [TS]

  always keep an appearance in court shirt [TS]

  with me wherever I go [TS]

  that's very smart because you see if you [TS]

  show up here wearing like a kind bud [TS]

  shirt red and green right you know stash [TS]

  right if he said uh I pasa actually [TS]

  caught on fire in sprague Washington is [TS]

  that right we're not changing the oil [TS]

  now they're you know they're air-cooled [TS]

  that's my problem i sees my not because [TS]

  it wasn't changing the oil enough [TS]

  no III triggz oil but that I think what [TS]

  it was the best it actually had a [TS]

  cracked block and I drove it for a long [TS]

  time just [TS]

  short distances with him but I took it [TS]

  on a long road trip in it caught on fire [TS]

  it is that the same that same Chris he's [TS]

  just the best we had AI had a what is it [TS]

  was a gasket header gasket that you had [TS]

  one of those header gaskets he came over [TS]

  my house one day and he said this was [TS]

  going to happen he said what we're going [TS]

  to do and it honestly thought it might [TS]

  as well have been like a Brothers Grimm [TS]

  thing i no fucking idea how this is [TS]

  going to happen he came over to my house [TS]

  with like to scissor jacks and a small [TS]

  tool box and a few hours later we had [TS]

  taken out my engine replaced the gasket [TS]

  and it was the most magic we just move [TS]

  you put this is Jack's up and then you [TS]

  just roll it a little bit and you taking [TS]

  the engine out of your car and you're [TS]

  repairing your and we have the book that [TS]

  little cartoony book that everybody had [TS]

  the via awesome VW yeah you know for not [TS]

  for dummies but you know what i mean an [TS]

  awesome and you know car can book about [TS]

  how to fix your VW i remember well and [TS]

  it worked [TS]

  we did it i mean you understand for me [TS]

  like I don't know how to make chocolate [TS]

  milk right there blew my mind [TS]

  guys like that I have always loved and [TS]

  admired so much the ones that are like [TS]

  oh oh you have a blown head gasket here [TS]

  let me come over and help you fix it [TS]

  I wish I had that I had a fiat spider [TS]

  for a long time and a friend of mine [TS]

  came over and changed all the struts on [TS]

  it for me one afternoon didn't even put [TS]

  it on a jack like a and just set up on a [TS]

  milk crate like a great guy and he ended [TS]

  up being he's like a physicist working [TS]

  for the manhattan project i mean i guess [TS]

  they-- the Manhattan Project kind of [TS]

  been to Manhattan Project to it's good [TS]

  it's kind of been a been like slits a [TS]

  little slower over there red and had a [TS]

  project central but no he's working for [TS]

  the government making nuclear bombs [TS]

  she's an engineer he's a physicist [TS]

  shouldn't say don't say they'll say yeah [TS]

  um you get clearances for that kind of [TS]

  stuff here's the thing now is within [TS]

  that little anymore now that will have [TS]

  now the Russians are two aren't on a big [TS]

  threat that they all the nuclear stuff [TS]

  sorry right out in the open it comes the [TS]

  cold war have a website now they're like [TS]

  here's what we're doing here is how we [TS]

  make the bombs no worries just get PDF [TS]

  yeah yeah the PDF but that experience I [TS]

  had had a big effect on the first of all [TS]

  make me feel extremely like a penis [TS]

  listen competent man [TS]

  but it also is so cool i really get like [TS]

  car guys now because back then before [TS]

  you get all the stuff like rpw now walk [TS]

  with the nation 296 VW but still it's [TS]

  got the thing where you plug in the [TS]

  thing and it tells you what's wrong with [TS]

  the car [TS]

  you know what i mean but back then it i [TS]

  think it's kind of cool that especially [TS]

  with VW's again you know there's [TS]

  something you gotta give the Germans [TS]

  credit for and in that case like having [TS]

  having a kind of engine a true people's [TS]

  car if you like or you could actually do [TS]

  that yourself was was really inspiring [TS]

  know that they're about as complicated [TS]

  as a sewing machine or even less [TS]

  complicated than the sauces this your [TS]

  cell i have sowed I did learn to sew and [TS]

  I still I still don't understand how you [TS]

  feel but somebody's going to start a [TS]

  wiki about how full of shit you are no [TS]

  no I learned to sew and you're like [TS]

  darning are you talking about like [TS]

  making assume no why can't make a suit [TS]

  but I learned to sew because because i [TS]

  don't like to throw clothes away when [TS]

  they have a minor imperfection and so I [TS]

  used to bring my clothes to my mom when [TS]

  I was in high school and say can you fix [TS]

  this [TS]

  ripped jacket can you fix this pair of [TS]

  trash jeans or whatever and my mom had [TS]

  comes from that sort of depression-era [TS]

  way of thinking where it's like who you [TS]

  can keep you can keep a piece of [TS]

  clothing going only so long but I [TS]

  believe she actually has a she carries a [TS]

  white pressed shirt everywhere she goes [TS]

  and a certain point she felt like these [TS]

  clothes were were reflecting poorly on [TS]

  the family like that i was out there [TS]

  wearing these patched look you know like [TS]

  a hobo which is what i was shooting for [TS]

  who she was like no it's time to retire [TS]

  this garment learning hobo [TS]

  oh yeah right i look like a man who had [TS]

  once held high station in life [TS]

  good who was only 16 but had already [TS]

  fallen and then complaint has been [TS]

  lodged and he was he was leaving he had [TS]

  moved from Oklahoma to the Central [TS]

  Valley of California and he was just [TS]

  looking for work he saw an ad that [TS]

  they're great farms [TS]

  yeah i saw a guy came through our town [TS]

  on the back of a flatbed truck and he [TS]

  said not work [TS]

  come to California land of prosperity so [TS]

  my mom said i'm not selling your clothes [TS]

  anymore you're closer look ridiculous [TS]

  you look ridiculous you should get rid [TS]

  of them have plenty of I mean you put [TS]

  you have new clothes you have all these [TS]

  other clothes and I said I I was [TS]

  offended by this that she wouldn't patch [TS]

  my coats and she said you know what [TS]

  smart guy [TS]

  learn to sew and she she SAT me down in [TS]

  front of her sewing machine and she [TS]

  taught me out worked and for a loft so [TS]

  of course i went to the fabric store [TS]

  immediately and i bought reams and reams [TS]

  of fake fur [TS]

  yeah I pink leopards by stripe club [TS]

  taffeta and uh huh like yellow quarter [TS]

  in part because your heart I mean it's [TS]

  hard enough to just take a little piece [TS]

  of like cotton fabric off a bolt and get [TS]

  it to run it on a straight-line you your [TS]

  to party with some very challenging text [TS]

  I really was and and my idea was they [TS]

  don't like a retarded know what i want [TS]

  what i ended up looking like was a [TS]

  freaking juggalo but it was where they [TS]

  even prevented i would take the seams [TS]

  out of the sides of my jeans and I would [TS]

  insert like two inches of fake fur on [TS]

  either side and he's like [TS]

  developmentally disabled it looks so [TS]

  that's alleged for the night [TS]

  take a bow oh my god and did you and and [TS]

  we were sober when you would so [TS]

  oh yeah i mean i was still a teenager I [TS]

  drunk get drunk sewing had really taken [TS]

  off that's big in brooklyn now you know [TS]

  a drunk so throwing yeah but no I [TS]

  created all these what I thought were [TS]

  like outrageously cool outfits that were [TS]

  just stupid it was just a it was just a [TS]

  just cut me off the streets like it was [TS]

  looking like a jacket you put on her was [TS]

  like really limited two tunics let's [TS]

  start with a tunic I couldn't I couldn't [TS]

  fabricate an entire garment from scratch [TS]

  but i would take old garments and modify [TS]

  them to be a to be fancy fancy [TS]

  well I see [TS]

  it's more than completing a craft [TS]

  project i would fancy why would i would [TS]

  your final butterick patterns or [TS]

  anything no no I would go to the thrift [TS]

  stores and i would buy stuff and then I [TS]

  would have had fake fur or leopards have [TS]

  purple or pink tiger stripes or you know [TS]

  like for a while there I was really into [TS]

  the whole gram parsons like fringe [TS]

  jacket [TS]

  yes yes but I didn't want to fringe [TS]

  leather jacket what I wanted was a suit [TS]

  but they had fringe gonna not like it's [TS]

  not like a cowboy suit not like a nude [TS]

  can get a ride with Dolce where a [TS]

  district attorney [TS]

  yeah like a proper three-button Brothers [TS]

  suit except with with friends like on [TS]

  the arms on the arms on the pants and oh [TS]

  yeah everywhere you could put [TS]

  unfortunately it's the sketches of that [TS]

  I don't there there are some pictures [TS]

  floating around i think my junior prom [TS]

  tuxedo had had pink tiger stripe lapel [TS]

  come on [TS]

  yeah well I'm is your converse i know i [TS]

  had i had a nice clown she's like Oxford [TS]

  know I had a bad wing tips i'm not i'm [TS]

  not a technical well I don't want to [TS]

  speak for her but I have a friend who i [TS]

  believe listens to the program who his [TS]

  name is Bridget and she is I don't have [TS]

  you seen she does amazing like-like-like [TS]

  needlework and all kinds of different [TS]

  craft stuff I'm just saying as someone [TS]

  who listens to the show i'm saying you [TS]

  might be able to cross your palm and [TS]

  walk away with some pretty fucking [TS]

  amazing [TS]

  I'm saying like some bespoke fucked-up [TS]

  outfits I don't know lots of people have [TS]

  lots of friends who so and i'm just [TS]

  saying John if you want to crowdsource [TS]

  this you might be able to get some [TS]

  extremely disturbing clothes that [TS]

  actually fit you well I have always said [TS]

  if I if I came into a truly like awesome [TS]

  amount of money the supertrain works out [TS]

  the way you have super frameworks out [TS]

  and I have the and i have cash to burn [TS]

  the first thing I would do is have my [TS]

  clothes tailored before I did anything [TS]

  else before i bought a fancy car before [TS]

  I want our trip i would go somewhere and [TS]

  I would have my measurements taken out [TS]

  of people start making me close [TS]

  because close real close that come from [TS]

  from the rack just do not you shouldn't [TS]

  call this real close [TS]

  they're not even close different Buzz [TS]

  did this buzz in London and went to like [TS]

  I mean they said the old seville road or [TS]

  whatever Savile Row sorry [TS]

  god I cut every aspect of that wrong he [TS]

  went to Tom Sawyer island [TS]

  hey so so much for me trying to sound [TS]

  smart anyway he went to the Cuddy up [TS]

  close the district yeah right and he [TS]

  went in there and Buzz I don't think [TS]

  would mind me saying is what like myself [TS]

  is is a is a 80 not tall man and so like [TS]

  in my case like for example I mean just [TS]

  in terms of you know being simpatico [TS]

  here like i don't know i right now I'm [TS]

  like a 34-32 in jeans which is like [TS]

  sometimes we really hard to find I feel [TS]

  like I must have a very odd body shake [TS]

  so even when I find clothes they still [TS]

  fit weird and that's hard for buzz I'm [TS]

  not the friend i have another french [TS]

  actually used to be a reporter at NPR [TS]

  who's like under five feet tall and like [TS]

  the only clothes you can find like [TS]

  children's clothes it's ridiculous so in [TS]

  this case buzz when I like the sound of [TS]

  that [TS]

  yeah yeah she did worked on science [TS]

  friday she so investors case so he's in [TS]

  London he goes to civilian road today [TS]

  we're really similar Rodeo Drive and he [TS]

  and he went in there and he got what is [TS]

  called a bespoke suit he fucking went in [TS]

  there and like a guy you don't need him [TS]

  a suit and it was in peccable like [TS]

  charlie watts does he do that Charlie [TS]

  Watts wears these amazing suits the [TS]

  island on the Seelie siviglia siviglia [TS]

  Rodeo Drive I think he dislikes the [TS]

  rolling stones as much as me and wicked [TS]

  dogs and I may not know much about jazz [TS]

  and swing but you know thank you [TS]

  sweetheart he can swing [TS]

  yeah the door is closed on jazz but he [TS]

  does hate the rolling stones you saying [TS]

  it doesn't like kids anymore [TS]

  no I think he likes jazz I'm saying the [TS]

  door is closed on jazz niche as old yes [TS]

  jazz jazz like jazz has become like [TS]

  rockabilly if you are if you're making [TS]

  rockbell I don't think I don't think [TS]

  Charlie was sitting around in a suit [TS]

  listening to fucking rocket [TS]

  sitting around listening to pat metheny [TS]

  he made it if you if you make rockabilly [TS]

  you're not going to make a rockabilly [TS]

  song school bus routes to rockabilly by [TS]

  charlie watts so quickly [TS]

  am i right am i right you're not gonna [TS]

  make a rockabilly song about dragons [TS]

  right the door is closed on rockabilly [TS]

  if you're going to make visual you're [TS]

  saying it's turning its ok that's like [TS]

  it's like a dnd Turing test if you can't [TS]

  write something about dragons the genre [TS]

  is dead [TS]

  no no not dead i'm saying it's called or [TS]

  clearance for instance heavy metal but i [TS]

  was also closed because you have to [TS]

  write songs about dragons I'm think so [TS]

  lots that that's better no new vistas [TS]

  there are no new vistas dragons become [TS]

  the metric you go back well can you [TS]

  write a song about dragons and [TS]

  rockabilly know you have challenging [TS]

  where your challenge me literally right [TS]

  now to ride a rocket play song about [TS]

  dragons have a lot of literally do it [TS]

  right now this is my internet challenge [TS]

  don't know right right this sec sure go [TS]

  ahead click on my internet challenges [TS]

  rockabilly song about dragons go [TS]

  it can't be done are you sure i am [TS]

  pretty sure [TS]

  rockabilly well you got that it had [TS]

  faced its death but now you're going to [TS]

  feel that dragon's breath that's pretty [TS]

  close right [TS]

  that's pretty it's pretty hot actually [TS]

  well well Eddie Cochran does not know [TS]

  the credit he deserves IDK fucking Eddie [TS]

  Cochran you know what that is the United [TS]

  cockring just wrote that is a parody [TS]

  song that is that well oh haha i would [TS]

  not be accepted in the rockabilly camera [TS]

  all right okay amber deco moving on he [TS]

  they measured every fucking part of his [TS]

  body cock and balls arms and eyes every [TS]

  part of buzz got measured by an English [TS]

  man it took awhile [TS]

  ok that's enough fedex this is not fedex [TS]

  this is fucking English people like [TS]

  Charlie Watts who is not listen to music [TS]

  about dragons to our knowledge and i'm [TS]

  going to get a nice you should do it [TS]

  it's expensive it's let me say that [TS]

  cause you know you know as you know John [TS]

  I like to distinguish I'm going to say [TS]

  this for the record cuz i think people [TS]

  wonder when I speak to my kids i [TS]

  distinguish between [TS]

  costly and expensive oh yeah oh yeah i'm [TS]

  a word guy and i distinguish between [TS]

  between cheap and inexpensive haha i [TS]

  think the suit that you buy at marshalls [TS]

  blankets and pillows notwithstanding I [TS]

  think the suit you buy at marshalls is [TS]

  inexpensive and cheap right right i [TS]

  think there's a chance to suit you buy [TS]

  on Savile Row d 0 z you it could be very [TS]

  experienced it's certainly going to be [TS]

  costly but doesn't have to be expensive [TS]

  and can tell you why because unless you [TS]

  get a large large large amount of weight [TS]

  that's gonna last you it's like the suit [TS]

  does like the like the like the public [TS]

  invasion suit you got right that you [TS]

  guys have opposed to present a lot of [TS]

  music is pretty amazing you know that [TS]

  i'm not a publisher addiction sure I [TS]

  look at the Polish envision that spark [TS]

  that whole that whole polish sound [TS]

  remember that you accept me I did invade [TS]

  me do is amazing and so it was a company [TS]

  in Oregon that makes that makes [TS]

  lumberjack boots for Lumberjacks ok and [TS]

  you can find them online by googling the [TS]

  big black boot company that's not the [TS]

  name of the company though it's called [TS]

  them what the hell is called we need to [TS]

  get your name [TS]

  no no it's it's a it's a proper company [TS]

  and they have a proper name but they [TS]

  make these boots these lumberjack boots [TS]

  for Lumberjacks and these are guys who [TS]

  like you know their boot and the [TS]

  chainsaw that's basically their whole [TS]

  kit right i mean ii you wear you wear [TS]

  denim jacket but it's your boots and [TS]

  your chainsaw that that that really [TS]

  that's all you need to spend money on [TS]

  ah is it is it is it it's Westco it's [TS]

  called Westco yeah I just on boot [TS]

  dot-com well yeah that Westco existed [TS]

  before boots.com ok if you go big black [TS]

  boots and then look for wesco w.e sco [TS]

  anyway so they make these lumberjack [TS]

  boots and the lumberjack boots are mm [TS]

  more than five hundred dollars right but [TS]

  i really really want a pair he's looking [TS]

  now [TS]

  stick out really nice sign machines too [TS]

  and they make them to your foot you you [TS]

  go down and you you show me your foot [TS]

  and they make the boot to you and so I [TS]

  so I've done on like an unscientific [TS]

  poll of everybody i know for the last [TS]

  couple of years because this is a large [TS]

  investment it to buy these boots and [TS]

  I've got everybody said what's the most [TS]

  you've ever paid for shoes and my female [TS]

  respondents have have said you know [TS]

  anywhere between 200 and sometimes four [TS]

  or five hundred dollars her but I have [TS]

  never met a guy who's paid more than [TS]

  about a hundred and fifty dollars for [TS]

  his shoes just for the most extensive [TS]

  straight who's straight right that's [TS]

  true i have not asked that many fancy [TS]

  men how much they paid for their shoes [TS]

  IC expensive men shoes online but i [TS]

  don't i don't live in that world so much [TS]

  for the twelve hundred dollars shoes i [TS]

  know there are some men in Texas you pay [TS]

  twenty-five hundred dollars for their [TS]

  cowboy boots but anyway I have been [TS]

  teetering on the fence of buying these [TS]

  Westco boots for like five years but i [TS]

  have and i haven't been able to pull the [TS]

  trigger because it's just I know that [TS]

  what you're talking about [TS]

  they are they are they are expensive but [TS]

  was the other word also costly they're [TS]

  costly but they are also value-added i'm [TS]

  not sure why is assuming again and I i [TS]

  just think this is something this is a [TS]

  big asterisk air [TS]

  well because guess what young like [TS]

  number two you don't want to lose them [TS]

  because if you lose them maybe bump [TS]

  right if you actually leave minute hotel [TS]

  room number one what if you got forbid [TS]

  it become heavy and start retaining [TS]

  water because then you can get fat [TS]

  yeah yeah but no but I think that'd be [TS]

  great and that's what yeah what yeah the [TS]

  last time you left a pair of boots in a [TS]

  hotel room [TS]

  uh what time is it I've been to like run [TS]

  go running out of hotels in your socks a [TS]

  lot like all what did I forget this is I [TS]

  don't really know this is how i can tell [TS]

  you don't really have a child because I [TS]

  i forget everything everywhere now [TS]

  because I'm trying to gather up there's [TS]

  a difference I'm not a mathematician as [TS]

  you know John but I think there's a mess [TS]

  to clean up ratio of two to one at least [TS]

  when you have a child by the time you [TS]

  cleaned up one mess to more than [TS]

  creating that works in restaurants that [TS]

  works at hotels that works anywhere [TS]

  you're always behind behind her and so [TS]

  I'm like I'm scurrying to make sure i [TS]

  got my wallet like let alone you know a [TS]

  stuffy toy and some lumber jack boots so [TS]

  that no that's just my thinking is I [TS]

  would think about that but now I you [TS]

  you're mindful you answered your own [TS]

  question [TS]

  you're not a man who leaves lumberjack [TS]

  boots and hotel room so I don't think [TS]

  it's a concern [TS]

  well the thing is if I wear a pair of [TS]

  lumberjack boots into a hotel room I'm [TS]

  gonna be wearing them out of that hotel [TS]

  room you know I keep them on the whole [TS]

  time and not lay on the bed i don't i [TS]

  don't like bring them along and and are [TS]

  you somebody who unpacked his suitcase [TS]

  and put all the stuff in the drawer how [TS]

  many days in a hotel room [TS]

  how many days four days that you're [TS]

  gonna unpack otherwise I'm gonna be like [TS]

  an animal living out of a suitcase [TS]

  that's not right for four days for what [TS]

  it John it's not complicated and not [TS]

  you're implying that I carry a lot of [TS]

  clothes which I do but what i do is i [TS]

  will use the top drawer the bottom [TS]

  drawer is for all the marketing [TS]

  materials everything in the room that [TS]

  has a logo on it goes in the bottom [TS]

  drawer and then the top drawer is for [TS]

  under pants and socks so when you roll [TS]

  into a hotel room you really like you i [TS]

  spread out [TS]

  yes I come on everything and i unwrap [TS]

  the soap and I really get in there get [TS]

  very comfortable roll around on all the [TS]

  towels [TS]

  see I sometimes i find it I find that I [TS]

  am staying in very expensive hotels [TS]

  because very are various times people [TS]

  fly me places to do things [TS]

  whoo & and they think that I am a fancy [TS]

  person right and so they're like oh we [TS]

  can give me half a 10 you'd be fine [TS]

  yeah they're like oh shit we better put [TS]

  him up in this really fancy hotel so I i [TS]

  go into this hotel and everybody else in [TS]

  the hotel is clearly conscious of [TS]

  themselves as being fancy people and [TS]

  they don't like me even being in the [TS]

  lobby like they can see me walk in and [TS]

  then like hmm i see he's got a he he's [TS]

  acting like he belongs here and that [TS]

  makes it even worse [TS]

  who but I go upstairs and i'm staying in [TS]

  this fancy hotel and I'm living out of [TS]

  my suitcase [TS]

  I don't impact just digging my little [TS]

  bag to get my shirt that I'm gonna wear [TS]

  that day which is all wrinkly [TS]

  and-and-and everyone's while I look [TS]

  around and I go he shot maybe I should [TS]

  have unpacked I can already tell what [TS]

  you don't you don't even know I let your [TS]

  maybe you're not saying it will cut this [TS]

  out of this is too much but here's the [TS]

  thing i'm just going to say I Scott [TS]

  receiving a man who's very suspicious of [TS]

  drawers for any number of reasons I [TS]

  think one of the things you need to be [TS]

  ready to run [TS]

  you don't know what's gonna talk about [TS]

  fucking fires unless talking I'm talking [TS]

  about like when shit goes down you do [TS]

  not want to have to be opening let's be [TS]

  honest probably a pretty filthy drawer [TS]

  to gather your clothes and put them in a [TS]

  bag you get your shoes on right now [TS]

  you've already put your shoes i could [TS]

  see what i can see you sleeping issues i [TS]

  can see walking in look at the back of [TS]

  the door for where the map is for how to [TS]

  get out and going and making sure that [TS]

  it's accurate correct and up-to-date all [TS]

  the doors open out yes I could see you [TS]

  having is literally a suitcase by the [TS]

  door ready to run or maybe you know what [TS]

  maybe by the balcony case you have to [TS]

  jump five stories so you don't want your [TS]

  doors opening out that's the lot behind [TS]

  you ever heard of the concert who [TS]

  concert you gotta doors that open out [TS]

  now [TS]

  well okay you're you're now you know [TS]

  what you're right click it changes on [TS]

  the outside right now is the doors have [TS]

  to open it because if they open out you [TS]

  can block it from the outside you know [TS]

  what I take it all back you write it in [TS]

  public places doors have to open a hotel [TS]

  room for obvious reasons you don't the [TS]

  hinges on the outside of your thinking [TS]

  well neither the hinges on the outside [TS]

  North you wanted to open out what you [TS]

  learned in Alaska because when it snows [TS]

  six feet in the middle of the night if [TS]

  your door open doubt you'd be really in [TS]

  trouble if it opens in you can open it [TS]

  in and then you dig a tunnel so gumshoe [TS]

  could stick a chair under the doorknob [TS]

  exactly and then you'd be shocked yeah [TS]

  yeah you're fucking damsel in distress [TS]

  and five-hundred-dollar boots that's not [TS]

  your help you're held the prison in your [TS]

  room by gumshoe usually what I do if I [TS]

  need to get out of a hotel room fast i [TS]

  throw the bag out the window and then I [TS]

  take the stairs [TS]

  oh yeah and then the bag is like I i got [TS]

  the exit door bags right there LOL wut [TS]

  in the ensuing mayhem is all this at all [TS]

  those people who the runaround the [TS]

  frontier where with nothing just a bit [TS]

  confusing carrying hotel nightshirts in [TS]

  there not dressing they're gonna do is [TS]

  grab the musicians back you know exactly [TS]

  where to go you working on your mind I [TS]

  can see practicing the night before [TS]

  well you're always practicing every time [TS]

  you go in and out of the room you're [TS]

  looking you know is used to could do [TS]

  stick a matchstick in your hotel door to [TS]

  see if anybody's been there done it [TS]

  I don't know why you wouldn't you know [TS]

  what I i got even bigger system that I [TS]

  gotta dance system i wouldn't it's just [TS]

  like a good system going to the system [TS]

  to another system [TS]

  yeah listen all the old trick what's the [TS]

  trick is tricking a minute Rick you can [TS]

  take a little piece of a you know [TS]

  whatever the old days would be a [TS]

  matchbook could be a let's say an index [TS]

  card right [TS]

  look whatever you have in hand mhm dad [TS]

  and you know you stick that in the door [TS]

  as you're walking out [TS]

  yeah right but you can also you can do [TS]

  variations on that right [TS]

  equally visible from outside no but [TS]

  here's the thing that you read it i [TS]

  should not reveal this [TS]

  okay here's the thing how much you do [TS]

  this how about instead of actually [TS]

  putting it in the door you put it on the [TS]

  floor and then you know what happens a [TS]

  lot huh [TS]

  the guy thinks it was in the door and [TS]

  moves it and press to put it back [TS]

  oh I'm saying and then when it's fallen [TS]

  when you walk in you see that it's in a [TS]

  different more plausible place and you [TS]

  can see something in your room [TS]

  wow I shouldn't say anything that's that [TS]

  super spy now I'm not going to know what [TS]

  to do when i met your house i'm going to [TS]

  be like that is that just a piece of [TS]

  lint remover ask that guy why is Robert [TS]

  like the other guy what gasps that's the [TS]

  guy why he Rob's banks he says that's [TS]

  where the money is you want to do good [TS]

  in sales [TS]

  excuse me well in sales you don't think [TS]

  like a Salesman you think like somebody [TS]

  who buys your shit and in this case [TS]

  people think too much like somebody [TS]

  scared in a hotel room and not like the [TS]

  kind of person who wants to get in a [TS]

  fucking hotel room rack so this is we [TS]

  take internet again I'm saying too much [TS]

  I know you know all of this you probably [TS]

  written books about this that you won't [TS]

  release but I'm just telling you there [TS]

  are things that you can do the things [TS]

  you can do you know night well don't say [TS]

  what i dunno i do lots of things like [TS]

  this I'll do things like other things [TS]

  like Leave leave a hundred dollars just [TS]

  inside of a door so if somebody comes in [TS]

  your crackhead what do you break in what [TS]

  you do you have made me get 20 doesn't [TS]

  matter you put Bill's just out of sight [TS]

  of the door where you can look and see [TS]

  it they come into Robbie what they see [TS]

  they see the bill you know they do what [TS]

  I grab it and run [TS]

  you're a crackhead you just got twenty [TS]

  bucks you're going to run [TS]

  right prisoners with Allah speaking [TS]

  speaking and not as a former crackhead [TS]

  but as someone who associated with [TS]

  American pretty close [TS]

  you know a lot of um are going to see [TS]

  that they're going to say with if [TS]

  there's 120 if you got that much [TS]

  ambition you got no business being a [TS]

  crack at it here's what you do you put [TS]

  120 there and put another 20 a little [TS]

  brother away is 3rd 20 is armed with her [TS]

  twenties in a Rattrap it's attached to a [TS]

  dynamite cap and you blow the fucking [TS]

  crackheads handoff [TS]

  I like that smoky eye like that is glass [TS]

  everywhere because you know they like [TS]

  their glass they smoke in order or for [TS]

  that matter there are other coconut and [TS]

  pecans and coconut but they are little [TS]

  get-together affordable i can't i'm in [TS]

  coconut products portable wanted two [TS]

  full-sized ones guys strapped to his [TS]

  back at full tapped it said it says [TS]

  Nazareth honor haha now your medicine [TS]

  booze is availa is a large horn and if [TS]

  you've been no carnival you'll know what [TS]

  this is it a piece of shitty plastic [TS]

  that's like really long right it's a [TS]

  long horny thing and then there's with [TS]

  the other called a bell is that right [TS]

  you call the flared at the out bell and [TS]

  so if you're a little kid in your [TS]

  dumbass you try and win that milk bottle [TS]

  game you can't win whatever you get the [TS]

  thing and then you put it up your mouth [TS]

  you like em [TS]

  exactly the sound yes that was [TS]

  accomplished using a paper towel roll [TS]

  um so what are you doing what are you [TS]

  doing when you do that I know you're [TS]

  ahead of me on this but this is the [TS]

  problem with these South American people [TS]

  you do you hear what I just did [TS]

  yeah i'm making a noise with my mouth [TS]

  that is causing my lips to vibrate [TS]

  inside of the tube and make a sound but [TS]

  can you guess what's coming out of my [TS]

  fucking lips spin up tons and tons of [TS]

  spit you get spun you spot them you get [TS]

  literally thousands [TS]

  alright the particles of bacteria [TS]

  located thousands of South Americans was [TS]

  ailing at the same time you could not [TS]

  create you know what fucking Hitler [TS]

  could not come up with a better way to [TS]

  spread disease quicker it's like a split [TS]

  found it's like it's like a crowdsource [TS]

  it's like it's like a hundred thousand [TS]

  spit fountains all pointed at each other [TS]

  and understand like you take it all [TS]

  together and it's a tremendous [TS]

  installation you have a whole stadium [TS]

  that's that's making this mist spit [TS]

  missed its integrated salivary a goulash [TS]

  it's everywhere it's fantastic maybe [TS]

  that's what sports is really about maybe [TS]

  it's just some kind of like aeration [TS]

  spinners sounds like a test but then [TS]

  what do you do you blow your vuvuzela [TS]

  your little outta your whatever you know [TS]

  a South American people drink for beer [TS]

  you inhale but then your losses and and [TS]

  then you want your breathing all the [TS]

  other people whose alien think that's it [TS]

  that's it and they won't put the index [TS]

  card somewhere they didn't expect here's [TS]

  the thing about here's the thing about [TS]

  this soccer-playing countries countries [TS]

  that like to play soccer including all [TS]

  of europe and south america and asia and [TS]

  basically everywhere Romania they play [TS]

  it their all they love it there [TS]

  the Balkans they play soccer while they [TS]

  play the shit out of soccer there and [TS]

  here's the thing that goes hand-in-hand [TS]

  with soccer and that is fares Oh am I [TS]

  right all my traveling fair you just [TS]

  blew my mind and these are fair simple [TS]

  people love fares fares you never see [TS]

  Stephen Hawking a fair to take a lot of [TS]

  mud in this is you're saying you could [TS]

  go and get a vuvuzela or an asrock [TS]

  mirror all of these places just a [TS]

  question of what you bring to the game [TS]

  you get dreamcatchers you get magic [TS]

  tricks made out of match boxes and [TS]

  feathered roach clip get feathered road [TS]

  could be drugs did I say dreamcatchers [TS]

  already you can get dreamcatchers [TS]

  dreamcatchers you can you catch don't [TS]

  work is that right have you ever tried [TS]

  one [TS]

  well I think it's a you know it's a [TS]

  self-fulfilling prophecy if you get a [TS]

  dreamcatcher things already aren't [TS]

  working out but wait a minute if it's [TS]

  self fulfilling it was a self-fulfilling [TS]

  prophecy that doesn't it doesn't work [TS]

  well if you think it's anybody's collar [TS]

  ship on this it's technically considered [TS]

  the native american version of a lottery [TS]

  you you get you get in capturing your [TS]

  weight is watching a tennis racket from [TS]

  your mirror you get a dreamcatcher you [TS]

  wait and maybe it catches a dream I [TS]

  don't know what are the odds to pay out [TS]

  this tuesday i'm just saying you know I [TS]

  have a baby rattle that's made out of a [TS]

  Gila monster spleen of course you do [TS]

  the ps3 is it I do she uses it all the [TS]

  time but i keep I keep like worrying [TS]

  that maybe she's going to get the right [TS]

  combination of rattles and and and like [TS]

  gibberish and she's gonna conjure a [TS]

  great spirit of some kind [TS]

  oh you should have that thing two [TS]

  matches sized I said turn how would you [TS]

  call if you want to remove the magic [TS]

  from something what would you call it [TS]

  marriage [TS]

  how do you do that how do you get that [TS]

  how to get the magic out of something i [TS]

  have you verified it verified that it's [TS]

  a spleen [TS]

  I'm pretty sure well maybe it's a maybe [TS]

  it's lauren it's definitely some kind of [TS]

  organ from usually monster organ or [TS]

  bladder or spleen did you get that a [TS]

  roadside attraction or is that something [TS]

  you get from like a sign like a [TS]

  scientific american kind of place like [TS]

  where do you find a Gila monster [TS]

  well you have to go on a Vision Quest [TS]

  you have to go on a spirit journey walk [TS]

  with the wolves [TS]

  yeah and then when you're there it's [TS]

  it's part of that they awarded to you [TS]

  when you you know when you become a [TS]

  brave i like when they give you that [TS]

  aluminum foil blanket after a marathon [TS]

  no runs have a sense of what's causing [TS]

  the rattling to happen is it something [TS]

  we should be able to take that apart [TS]

  with a manual know because it's stitched [TS]

  together with Gila monster a leather [TS]

  strap is that what you does that worry [TS]

  you at all that might be eyeballs it [TS]

  might be you know maybe POA buttons for [TS]

  that matter i don't know maybe I should [TS]

  open up in case of emergency right what [TS]

  should she uh my little of my little [TS]

  girl seems to seems to you know she's [TS]

  not my mom told me the other day she was [TS]

  like you know when you were a little kid [TS]

  you saw things and I'm like what do you [TS]

  mean she said you were always coming in [TS]

  my room and told me there was somebody [TS]

  in your room big there was a man here [TS]

  like Alexander Hamilton ER and I was [TS]

  like like Alexander Hamilton that's [TS]

  exactly the question I asked and she was [TS]

  like no nobody were always scared and [TS]

  you would come into my room late at [TS]

  night and say that there was that he saw [TS]

  somebody in the house or the review you [TS]

  saw somebody in the yard or you know [TS]

  you're seeing people all the time it's [TS]

  like interesting that you never told me [TS]

  this before but I i have not yet noticed [TS]

  that my little girl has this power but i [TS]

  do feel like her / working of this keelo [TS]

  monster rattle at it it it doesn't bode [TS]

  well I'm afraid that it one of these [TS]

  days I'm gonna open my door and there's [TS]

  going to be a guide and feathered [TS]

  headdress with the loincloth standard [TS]

  they're gone through his nose old cigars [TS]

  you know John I gotta tell you know they [TS]

  say this is true for a breast cancer and [TS]

  basketball and all of those things it's [TS]

  genetics right you you can't you can't [TS]

  you gotta be tall and have that gene [TS]

  right now for breast cancer but you know [TS]

  I'm just saying this game basketball [TS]

  player you know and I [TS]

  I just say your mom she's very she's a [TS]

  very sober even person she still seen [TS]

  the show I have no idea [TS]

  okay probably not um never fixed a bug [TS]

  that the thing is though that's in the [TS]

  jeans now I don't know that comes from [TS]

  your dad's side or your moms like [TS]

  there's something in you I don't think [TS]

  he did you start seeing shit in your [TS]

  room for no reason i was saying you want [TS]

  to the scariest thing that ever happened [TS]

  to me with my mom I was out my on the [TS]

  yard was probably 7-8 years old you know [TS]

  I was born on friday the 13 I didn't [TS]

  know that bar on friday the 13th so when [TS]

  I was a little kid I thought that gave [TS]

  me some warlock powers and so I was out [TS]

  playing with some kids and I was like [TS]

  all right you know sure you guys have [TS]

  tommy guns or whatever but I'm going to [TS]

  cast a spell of holding on you for a [TS]

  minute you know this before [TS]

  Dungeons and Dragons was manifested but [TS]

  i would I was you know is casting some [TS]

  warlocks spells or whatever [TS]

  my mom was walking through the yard and [TS]

  she kind of you know caught a couple [TS]

  years and caught a glimpse of me like [TS]

  doing some incantation over my friends [TS]

  because i was born on friday the 13 who [TS]

  and she marched over grabbed me by the [TS]

  shirt front lifted me off the ground [TS]

  hold me very close to her face and said [TS]

  do not mess with things you don't [TS]

  understand your mom yeah and put me back [TS]

  down on the ground and walked away [TS]

  she's the most rational person I've ever [TS]

  met and she shared and chilled me to the [TS]

  bone [TS]

  it's still chose me when I think about [TS]

  it because I have spent my whole life [TS]

  waiting for her possibly to reveal to me [TS]

  ok we're cutting we're gonna forget all [TS]

  of this out because given that she is [TS]

  the most rational person that either of [TS]

  us have ever met she had a fucking [TS]

  reason to put you in her face and [TS]

  georgian she knew that you were sticking [TS]

  a fork into into Satan's light light [TS]

  light light plug she's obviously she [TS]

  knew something was up shit maybe it's [TS]

  like a bee which type situation where [TS]

  she knew you know like there's a doctor [TS]

  dr. Bombay in the family or something [TS]

  i've been i've been wondering my whole [TS]

  life I keep waiting for her to initiate [TS]

  me into the circle learning how do you [TS]

  think in some that you started if I [TS]

  could say if you can say have you [TS]

  stopped having those visions I mean [TS]

  apart from the aliens and French doors [TS]

  have you stopped seeing men in your room [TS]

  I mean that all my pillows turn to owls [TS]

  fairly recently i'm writing from ross [TS]

  the frozen heavens everybody other an [TS]

  assortment of pillows too while you're [TS]

  using them but they were well yeah I [TS]

  woke up in the middle of the night and [TS]

  I'll i looked around and all my pillows [TS]

  were owls I'm sure I told you about this [TS]

  yeah but that's absolutely did not ok I [TS]

  looked around my pillows were owl like [TS]

  the gals well pillow size that looks [TS]

  nothing like snow out smells like pretty [TS]

  big [TS]

  well yeah like snowy owls that were even [TS]

  bigger than snow hours they were the [TS]

  size of pillows cornet Al's yes white [TS]

  owl horn at all [TS]

  God like the cigars at this little cheap [TS]

  cigars in a way to close the cowl stay [TS]

  at beaks [TS]

  yes they were this they were my pillows [TS]

  i have a lot of pillows i have you have [TS]

  eight pillows in my room whenever they [TS]

  were all vowels and they were all [TS]

  watching me over here watching over me [TS]

  and so I shook off the sleep until I was [TS]

  awake i was sure i was awake I was very [TS]

  conscious like okay wake up and I was [TS]

  awake and they were still owls i'll come [TS]

  out when images on their side they were [TS]

  all arrayed in various ways some of them [TS]

  were worse sitting up on their little [TS]

  our butts and some more on the floor its [TS]

  children talking chillin that they were [TS]

  that's so i i i i i did not feel good [TS]

  about it but they did not they weren't [TS]

  hostile who they were just centuries and [TS]

  so high I i resigned that this was going [TS]

  to be fine and I grabbed the nearest owl [TS]

  and mesle up with it and went back to [TS]

  sleep [TS]

  get a good day they simply say the [TS]

  centuries there looking over you do you [TS]

  are they didn't speak to you say no I [TS]

  was can't talk to me [TS]

  she had the sense that they weren't they [TS]

  were they were there for a reason [TS]

  yes absolutely Harbinger that many owls [TS]

  aren't just gonna like turn up someplace [TS]

  without a reason right now without like [TS]

  Facebook thing and maybe sell well in [TS]

  the dark to sleep in a very dark Randy [TS]

  lovely lon [TS]

  I'd start by like a dark room 2 and so [TS]

  that those giant allies they can see you [TS]

  just fine but you're a grub or something [TS]

  maybe they could see you [TS]

  oh yeah i mean they they had there was a [TS]

  project they had a project K some kind [TS]

  of our project i'm not sure what it was [TS]

  it was not I wasn't privy to it i did [TS]

  not feel that they were there to harm me [TS]

  but I also did not they didn't give me a [TS]

  warm fuzzy feeling either who didn't [TS]

  they didn't do anything [TS]

  no they just were there and they were [TS]

  you know when I woke up they all of [TS]

  course we're looking at me they come [TS]

  kept looking at me until I grabbed the [TS]

  nearest one and went back to sleep so i [TS]

  don't i don't know what to make of that [TS]

  oh it's it certainly seems like the kind [TS]

  of thing that in the fullness of time [TS]

  you would want to make something of [TS]

  order now if it happens again I if you [TS]

  can say there have definitely i guess [TS]

  that's something I'm definitely gonna [TS]

  ask some serious question with a silent [TS]

  i mean it was more like a lot of [TS]

  progress [TS]

  okay why don't know that they have [TS]

  fucking wings and talents might have [TS]

  been a clock eat Alan noise or a right [TS]

  and it sounds to me like they were [TS]

  rubbing up against each other a little [TS]

  bit with a very still there was some [TS]

  shuffling from side to side they blink [TS]

  know there are no i think i found i find [TS]

  out blinking so creepy [TS]

  yeah no I didn't get a lot of blinking [TS]

  out of it I mean it was admittedly it [TS]

  was a short lived whom you know it was a [TS]

  bit was only a minute or two and you [TS]

  know I just long enough to let you know [TS]

  that is what you get with bellowing [TS]

  totally okay I'm awake now i'm awake is [TS]

  Abraham Lincoln memory when I was a kid [TS]

  really why I is Abraham looking [TS]

  everywhere he's our 16th president [TS]

  yeah she talking about this at all he's [TS]

  on the penny no no yeah I've I after [TS]

  after that let one-time deal with the [TS]

  Warlock time that I don't cover [TS]

  supernatural topics with my mom right [TS]

  because a [TS]

  nothing like walking in and seeing your [TS]

  dad just as Ethel Merman like it would [TS]

  have an effect but then it's not the [TS]

  kind of thing you'd be bringing up a lot [TS]

  yeah yeah and maybe it's my mistake [TS]

  maybe I've never I've never got to her [TS]

  and said will you initiate me into our [TS]

  family coven i think iĆ­ve been waiting [TS]

  for you to ask [TS]

  I this might be an hour sir alistair [TS]

  crowley thing I I think you'll know if [TS]

  and when it's time just as with your [TS]

  daughter you know saying if that was [TS]

  like if that rattle starts making things [TS]

  happen you know what I mean you're gonna [TS]

  know you're feeling the sense if you [TS]

  have this in your medical Orion as much [TS]

  as I think you might you are going to [TS]

  know when it's time you're gonna know [TS]

  yeah well I dated a girl once who one [TS]

  time was trying to really she was really [TS]

  mad and she's really trying to put me in [TS]

  my place and she got up in my face and [TS]

  she said you know what you think you're [TS]

  a white wizard but you're not one you're [TS]

  a gray wizard and you know I have to say [TS]

  I was flattered that she thought I was a [TS]

  great wizard but she was she was [TS]

  obviously she was obviously I think [TS]

  seeing something [TS]

  uh-huh some some white wizard potential [TS]

  in me that a that I had this is a great [TS]

  gray as in as in with into work or gray [TS]

  as in the chaotic neutral [TS]

  well I think gray as in yeah like II you [TS]

  have not yet been purified by fighting [TS]

  balrog down to the center here haha you [TS]

  can need lumber jack boots for that you [TS]

  know what i mean like i might be totally [TS]

  do a minute I'm i need to do some more [TS]

  training benefit in anticipation of ever [TS]

  encountering a ball rug in the bin or [TS]

  dwarf mines [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  but I think that's what she was getting [TS]

  at analyzing are you man is not you're [TS]

  not afraid of a Vision Quest right you [TS]

  know you'll do a Vision Quest oh I've [TS]

  been on a few right [TS]

  oh you know you you mentioned in an [TS]

  earlier visit the you well one plan you [TS]

  had 22 I think you're gonna go to was at [TS]

  tierra del fuego with with your daughter [TS]

  is that right yeah we're gonna buy buy [TS]

  whatever jeep with the best cheap we [TS]

  could buy for 2,000 bucks yeah and just [TS]

  start going to fix it as needed [TS]

  start going south to Tierra del Fuego [TS]

  mean heiress and that mean an error [TS]

  somewhere down the pompous I i I'm sorry [TS]

  that but you know that I feel fear [TS]

  that's as good as junior high for Furcal [TS]

  girl am i right [TS]

  it's a couple years there when you send [TS]

  your kids to junior high that's [TS]

  absolutely worthless nothing happens if [TS]

  you bring along 30 special cassette [TS]

  maker just make her feel that a couple [TS]

  times a week I think you get three years [TS]

  credit up here's my question to you john [TS]

  is a if the car huh i was at a dance in [TS]

  8th grade and my dance I mean the guy [TS]

  standing one side the girls down the [TS]

  other and really really whipped by Devo [TS]

  and another one bites the dust [TS]

  no no but you know what your timing is [TS]

  precisely you know the era because we're [TS]

  both part of the you know supertrain [TS]

  generation but he's writing there is a [TS]

  cover band there [TS]

  I know I told you this but that is it is [TS]

  cover man they brought cover man the [TS]

  local band and the day [TS]

  local band and the day [TS]

  did not play Steve Miller but they they [TS]

  you know they did at toward the [TS]

  beginning toward the end they played [TS]

  hold on loosely twice also said so it's [TS]

  very fun to play here's a question if a [TS]

  Carnival comes to town right and you and [TS]

  you continue having in this sense in [TS]

  your in your great wizard heart you know [TS]

  that there's something going on with [TS]

  that carriers do you think you would go [TS]

  to a carnival with her because it seems [TS]

  to me you go to a carnival there are [TS]

  many opportunities to teach some of the [TS]

  site you go into a dark fun house and [TS]

  see if there's owls maybe you finally [TS]

  win the fucking milk bottle game and get [TS]

  a vuvuzela well maybe we put a quarter [TS]

  in an unplugged tell your fortune [TS]

  machine yeah which comes to life and [TS]

  grants are one wish [TS]

  grant me one wish as well there's your [TS]

  answer which I'm taking it easy all [TS]

  you're gonna claim her wish [TS]

  well if I can I don't know some [TS]

  supernatural stuff we might have to [TS]

  fight each other with force lightning [TS]

  like in a Roger Corman movie watch audio [TS]

  only one i remember movie I barely [TS]

  remember i think it was in the raven or [TS]

  the pendulum and had nothing to do with [TS]

  the books but i do remember one scene [TS]

  where I know it was Peter Lorre and I [TS]

  think my Christopher Lee but it was it [TS]

  was always missin price i think peter [TS]

  lorre like having a magic show down on [TS]

  like a five-thousand-dollar budget [TS]

  don't miss falls across the land don't [TS]

  don't don't don't don't don't [TS]

  he sounds like a really cool guy he [TS]

  sounds like mr. Rogers level guy you [TS]

  know you think it's an art collector [TS]

  he's married fun on price can I think so [TS]

  Vincent Canby which is the one in the [TS]

  middle if you need any light I think he [TS]

  seems like a very cool guy [TS]

  I'm sorry I never got to meet that guy [TS]

  because you know but you know what he [TS]

  had career longevity he's one of those [TS]

  guys like like like a hero [TS]

  ray milland he's one of those guys who [TS]

  like found a way to work [TS]

  he was getting work right you know you [TS]

  check your book are you available yes [TS]

  right he was he was doing a film over [TS]

  here and his eyebrows were doing a [TS]

  separate engagement over here he was [TS]

  making money to time that's how you can [TS]

  tell somebody to pro his eyebrows might [TS]

  be going in again bespoke suit or [TS]

  perhaps and lumberjack boots I have so [TS]

  much respect you know they said that [TS]

  Joan Rivers and talking very very hard [TS]

  to watch but I have a lot of respect for [TS]

  people you know who go out and try to [TS]

  keep the book full I don't do that you [TS]

  don't do [TS]

  I know I don't do that but you know i [TS]

  would love to have more opportunities to [TS]

  be interviewing a documentary and say I [TS]

  you know had room in my book and I did [TS]

  it [TS]

  do you have a book I don't even have a [TS]

  book no I don't give up i talked about [TS]

  the books now i don't but i but I know [TS]

  people who go from one thing to the [TS]

  other and there's a certain point [TS]

  there's a certain line in the sand where [TS]

  I feel like some of that is just that [TS]

  you're trying to keep the demon dogs off [TS]

  your heels [TS]

  he just doing one thing after another [TS]

  state never stop never hear the [TS]

  screaming in your head [TS]

  yeah but then then again the other way [TS]

  of looking at it is that that's really [TS]

  as good as you can get in life you know [TS]

  what I mean like we all have screaming [TS]

  in our head we all just need to keep [TS]

  moving from thing to thing who there is [TS]

  no value [TS]

  I'm beginning to feel like there's no [TS]

  value in sitting and thinking about [TS]

  stuff and how john jon john jon john [TS]

  it's so so true out [TS]

  no I mean I don't see Richard but you're [TS]

  right thinking thinking has never [TS]

  fucking done anything for me really [TS]

  happy i should be filling my book I [TS]

  should be like Joan Rivers well I don't [TS]

  spend as much as general especially like [TS]

  Vincent prices eyebrows I should be out [TS]

  getting gigs at Magic cast that's [TS]

  exactly right and making things happen [TS]

  and filling up my book who did Vincent [TS]

  Price Thurl Ravenscroft Paul in people [TS]

  who say what time and what do I where [TS]

  they show up and they fill the fucking [TS]

  book and they don't have to think i dont [TS]

  even if they even unpack you know what I [TS]

  mean they're probably moving so fast [TS]

  right that's how you get the center [TS]

  square on Hollywood Squares that's right [TS]

  you don't you don't get there by sitting [TS]

  at home waiting for somebody to call now [TS]

  you're right just for the Oscars you go [TS]

  fill up your book gotta get that book i [TS]

  had to get up first of all a write this [TS]

  down [TS]

  hey I've got to get a book and then I've [TS]

  got to fill it got closer he got a [TS]

  people get set go so go ahead [TS]

  well you are your three blackout parts [TS]

  i'm out of cards and i have to pee [TS]

  yeah that's pretty much it will take a [TS]

  break and come back its unceremonious [TS]

  and i have to pee or click ok we'll take [TS]

  a brick [TS]

  outstanding feel better [TS]

  yeah use that phrase like category error [TS]

  i don't know what that means don't tell [TS]

  me but I'm gonna say I made a category [TS]

  error love before our show having a [TS]

  large bowl of soup a ginger ale and a [TS]

  snapple well those are all liquids he [TS]

  went to the u-dub did I don't even know [TS]

  I don't know we've never done anything [TS]

  like this John you think you think it's [TS]

  gonna work okay what the interlude [TS]

  having will be fined we could drop in [TS]

  some some Goldberg Variations or [TS]

  something because we don't have the [TS]

  rights and the rights for the Hendrix [TS]

  estate [TS]

  oh right right you got the rights I [TS]

  should have I should have improvise [TS]

  something although that that version of [TS]

  purple haze [TS]

  I think qualifies as jazz I think it's [TS]

  letting you know what I'm actually [TS]

  playing you know what song i'm playing [TS]

  holy shit [TS]

  well sometimes sit bagley something keep [TS]

  you on a plane ice cream man holy shit [TS]

  you've been doing it for 35 years [TS]

  yup that's my other man can accept you [TS]

  you keep saying we shouldn't that out we [TS]

  should have that out but we have edited [TS]

  anything on this podcast I've edited two [TS]

  things I think accepting will when one [TS]

  of us said boobies [TS]

  yeah that's cut that out now no now I am [TS]

  I don't realize until later how much I [TS]

  sniff on the show I sniff a lot and [TS]

  advertisers will drip [TS]

  well I have allergies and I take a DD [TS]

  medicine so i'm sure there's something [TS]

  in between and a lot of soup and so one [TS]

  time there was one show where it was [TS]

  unlistenable how much I sniffed and I [TS]

  went through and Ira Glass doubt all of [TS]

  the sniffs wow I never realized you put [TS]

  any work into this [TS]

  I don't know no house once once once [TS]

  there's another time where we had a [TS]

  really good episode and I cut out seven [TS]

  hours of arguing about religion haha but [TS]

  I'm not going to mention that i'm not [TS]

  gonna mention that we're gonna cut all [TS]

  that out [TS]

  that's the beautiful part i mean that's [TS]

  what makes the show the last episode of [TS]

  our program because people will listen [TS]

  to this you know hopefully [TS]

  chronologically people should be [TS]

  listening [TS]

  John you know me I don't like to pick my [TS]

  stuff i don't like to tell people what [TS]

  to do you should fucking listen to every [TS]

  episode of this show and while you're [TS]

  waiting for john to put out the next [TS]

  episode of the show you should keep [TS]

  listening to it and listen to them in [TS]

  order because it's cumulative it's like [TS]

  fucking organic chemistry like from [TS]

  John's brain so again [TS]

  yeah with we're building a pyramid and [TS]

  when we reach the top we're going to [TS]

  touch the hem of gods girl super train [TS]

  which like all of our episodes is even [TS]

  better than the one before because your [TS]

  wisdom continues to grow each week with [TS]

  what you learn [TS]

  right now we went from wonder if you [TS]

  notice this but we went from hang up to [TS]

  Mike Mills is penis cocaine in like 30 [TS]

  minutes I don't understand I don't [TS]

  understand the construction [TS]

  oh yea struggling like I do I'm last [TS]

  fermented with you talking about how I [TS]

  you're free you're drinking buddy i'm [TS]

  mike mills yeah shoot ok your penis you [TS]

  bumps how to do that didn't penis cock [TS]

  mirror you know I think it's one of [TS]

  those things where you squeeze all the [TS]

  air out of your penis and then you stick [TS]

  it in the cocaine and then you let go of [TS]

  it and it just sucks the cock milking [TS]

  called milking and also if you're [TS]

  smoking reversed ok [TS]

  it keeps you from getting embolism yeah [TS]

  it'll isms I don't know much about [TS]

  embolisms you're never i know it's [TS]

  pulmonary ok you never blow into a [TS]

  lady's vagina did you know that i didn't [TS]

  know that she can get embolism [TS]

  I'm gonna have to completely interesting [TS]

  technique could have to get some with [TS]

  the owls on not need to change after [TS]

  looking at this I'm gonna have to put [TS]

  this move along in the difference haha i [TS]

  don't even know what that word is [TS]

  I gotta say also if I could I that the [TS]

  one which continued but the UM the the [TS]

  feathered roach clip seems like a [TS]

  terrible idea on so many levels of all [TS]

  the things that I would want a roach [TS]

  clip and inflammable seen inflammable [TS]

  bird parts is about the last thing I [TS]

  would want on a roach clip well but you [TS]

  remember that the extension of the [TS]

  feathered roach clip was that people [TS]

  that were girls started wearing ear [TS]

  rings like but that's John that's what [TS]

  doesn't pose to be what it's for [TS]

  it's ok you know some people use coke [TS]

  cans to drink Coke [TS]

  instead of instead of smoke weed uh-huh [TS]

  I think I guess right now I know exactly [TS]

  what you're cooking for you you get a [TS]

  coke married your cock right off the [TS]

  mirror now and I think the idea was the [TS]

  whole reason you can have that was that [TS]

  you go t he o you sit on your ear ring [TS]

  what's your hair when they don't want a [TS]

  fuckin alligator clip on your ear i mean [TS]

  i think it's you know German but I think [TS]

  you put in your hair you put in your [TS]

  hair o.o it's like it's like a little [TS]

  bit of it look a bit of flair Hair [TS]

  flashy it's a little bit of flair [TS]

  finally where the fuck is my mo I'm how [TS]

  do i get my memo from you [TS]

  well are you talking about your your [TS]

  your binky no no that you're the German [TS]

  the German fans sent me though o.o your [TS]

  mom oh well I'm not happy here at the [TS]

  shelter we have it in the box with your [TS]

  cello yeah i'm just making a Merlin care [TS]

  package i got your mouth [TS]

  I got your cello I'm just thrown stuff [TS]

  in it as a way to get five things and [TS]

  send them [TS]

  I've got I've got the copy of the live [TS]

  from New York the the oral history of [TS]

  saturday night live [TS]

  I have that book at the traffic but i'll [TS]

  take it okay so now we get away from or [TS]

  ok I'm glad there's no way for people to [TS]

  contact us [TS]

  well you know it's interesting you have [TS]

  you have steadfastly refused to have a [TS]

  comment page on anything you do that [TS]

  requires very little steadfast on my [TS]

  partitions never you never gonna happen [TS]

  it's very good they say well they say [TS]

  thank you for helping me okay we know ya [TS]

  know they would say blah blah blah blah [TS]

  blah sir some kid sent me an email the [TS]

  other day one of these one of these [TS]

  emails that only you you could you could [TS]

  only write a thing like this viewer 22 [TS]

  years old if you're 23 or 2y otherwise [TS]

  the computer won't even accept it [TS]

  yeah if you're 21 you're I i have to [TS]

  assume you're doing something else but [TS]

  this guy wrote me a letter in response [TS]

  to one of my co weekly articles where he [TS]

  said but the article that the letter [TS]

  itself like refuted and negated itself [TS]

  13 times you know like you know you hate [TS]

  that I don't want to be you know what [TS]

  you're John Roderick you are guys just [TS]

  wanted your the one of the music [TS]

  business people who who stands and in [TS]

  between your one of the music business [TS]

  hipsters that stands between good new [TS]

  music and the and the world and [TS]

  yet your band sucks and nothing you do [TS]

  matters and yet you are part you know he [TS]

  just he goes he's just reading me the [TS]

  riot act [TS]

  who all these things and and and [TS]

  throughout the course of the letter you [TS]

  can tell by the references he's making [TS]

  that he is a super fan he's listening to [TS]

  have it doesn't every album is seen as [TS]

  15 times you know he's like he's just [TS]

  having Tourette's moment or something [TS]

  where he is he [TS]

  or he's one of those people that hate [TS]

  something so much that he goes and like [TS]

  I obsesses over and absorbs at all right [TS]

  I I feel like I feel like if we had a [TS]

  comments page [TS]

  well no I mean we do have a comments [TS]

  budgets on itunes and it's called the [TS]

  internet if I can blog [TS]

  yeah and then John I'm glad nobody [TS]

  listens to this show because I'll be [TS]

  honest with you know students [TS]

  uh-huh that is that what you're [TS]

  describing there is I you know whatever [TS]

  I get stuff like that and it is so [TS]

  fucking creepy it's so creepy because [TS]

  every time i get something like that [TS]

  which is if I hadn't read everything [TS]

  you've ever done and loved you so much I [TS]

  wouldn't want to kill you and stuff you [TS]

  know which isn't the case please don't [TS]

  write that cyber weird but like it's [TS]

  almost like every time I hear something [TS]

  like what you're describing I imagine [TS]

  like like a frat boy who's just beat up [TS]

  his friend is like crying always fucking [TS]

  him like there's just something about it [TS]

  it's like so fucking love you but I hate [TS]

  you man [TS]

  yeah you know now watch on that guy's [TS]

  got pie that might come into still in [TS]

  your owls you might need your you might [TS]

  need your daughter used for sliding [TS]

  against that guy you never know the [TS]

  issues guy i'm not sure actually went [TS]

  through one of those computer programs [TS]

  and find out what you learn that your [TS]

  editor at the weekly to put it point but [TS]

  i do I relish someone trying to breach [TS]

  my perimeter because all you mean [TS]

  literally come into your house here this [TS]

  is this is your opportunity though i'm [TS]

  waiting for us [TS]

  I get that sense is closed just close [TS]

  one quick loopy you definitely did not [TS]

  write that guy back at all especially by [TS]

  interleaving responses to everything he [TS]

  said you're definitely right that I [TS]

  learned that many buddy you really [TS]

  didn't write back I don't reply my god [TS]

  you turn the corner John i have i have i [TS]

  turn the corner was it was I learned it [TS]

  I'll [TS]

  and in part from you in part from dave [TS]

  eggers you both have lectured me many [TS]

  times don't reply you know Dave Eggers [TS]

  yeah and he says and he said many times [TS]

  people think that people write about you [TS]

  on the Internet are none of your [TS]

  business don't read them [TS]

  Wow don't read those things don't read [TS]

  reviews of your writing don't read [TS]

  reviews it is none of your business it's [TS]

  not for you and and I'm like uh that's [TS]

  very hard for me to do and he said I [TS]

  know it's hard for all of us but don't [TS]

  ever read what people write about you on [TS]

  the Internet [TS]

  who and then you have said the similar [TS]

  thing different but similar many times [TS]

  do not reply to trolls but there's only [TS]

  one reply which is if you if you hate it [TS]

  so much why are you listening to me is [TS]

  not a response to get my response is my [TS]

  response is a isn't a very old joke the [TS]

  punch line from a very old joke as [TS]

  quoted by Morrissey in the leadoff track [TS]

  particular track from the queen is dead [TS]

  and and once a month it is almost [TS]

  exactly once a month I should put it on [TS]

  my calendar I will yell back at a [TS]

  civilian once a month [TS]

  yells at me on twitter in particular and [TS]

  i will say that's nothing you should [TS]

  hear me play piano [TS]

  remember that Jack ever heard that joke [TS]

  i'm not sure how you have the cleanest [TS]

  dead [TS]

  uh well let me tell you much against now [TS]

  you tell me a minute to more things to [TS]

  tell me too i know you and you cannot [TS]

  sing I said that's nothing you should [TS]

  hear me play piano haha oh god about you [TS]

  Sean sings a lot I sure he does [TS]

  ok sorry I cut you off you are you might [TS]

  lose your editor of starting my sister [TS]

  worked in a record store when she was a [TS]

  young teenager she was a very hip girl [TS]

  when she was a teenager and she worked [TS]

  in a record store during that era and [TS]

  she has every Smith's 12-inch there are [TS]

  elaborate there are a lot so I know [TS]

  because they are in my house now they [TS]

  fill up an entire shelf all great you [TS]

  need more collections generator and I [TS]

  have all the colored vinyl Smith's do [TS]

  you have to do with the 12 inch of this [TS]

  charming man with four different [TS]

  versions at the London [TS]

  at least you absolutely do I have it and [TS]

  and and the thing about the smiths is [TS]

  that they are incredibly polarizing band [TS]

  even within my own heart because some of [TS]

  their songs are are some of the great [TS]

  songs and most of their material is [TS]

  unlistenable drink [TS]

  sorry let's get that out of my system [TS]

  real quick while your little dry you are [TS]

  potentially making fun of the smiths did [TS]

  you know you go to that was shot right [TS]

  you got really good at this was shocked [TS]

  because you knew that could get like [TS]

  isn't it isn't sean nelson your your [TS]

  your friend on boy and every other [TS]

  person who sings in a fake British [TS]

  accent they all love the Smiths never [TS]

  said that [TS]

  well with the lawyers voice what is it [TS]

  again I'm not gonna take on Malone this [TS]

  podcast yeah I thought I introduced [TS]

  myself to him the other night that I [TS]

  think that's a good policy i think [TS]

  everyone who sees Colin should introduce [TS]

  themselves to him and say I'm a friend [TS]

  of John Rocker I don't you know your [TS]

  your your your story about this missing [TS]

  your perimeter but it was pretty it was [TS]

  pretty funny [TS]

  yeah yeah well yeah well no this is this [TS]

  is literally like I'm like less than a [TS]

  month ago we are doing our program for a [TS]

  while I know you guys you guys are you [TS]

  I'm friend me what these are better [TS]

  friend Francis Francis now i would say [TS]

  we're friends why now I know but you [TS]

  still haven't told the toilet papering [TS]

  story but I tried to explain to my [TS]

  daughter like the difference between [TS]

  expensive and costly I want her to [TS]

  understand what i believe i don't care [TS]

  if it's true what I believe is a huge [TS]

  difference between an enemy a nemesis [TS]

  oh right that's obviously you've done [TS]

  that wonderful song with jonathan [TS]

  coulton but my understanding is an enemy [TS]

  to me is somebody that you want to [TS]

  destroy and potentially have very little [TS]

  respect for write a nemesis is like you [TS]

  almost need that person is a symbiotic [TS]

  there's a certain kind of respect that [TS]

  could be grudging or not [TS]

  uh-huh now what about the Road Runner [TS]

  and wile e coyote i think i think the [TS]

  road well you know what it's not even [TS]

  match i think i think the the coyote [TS]

  sees the rubber meets the road runner i [TS]

  don't think the road underneath the [TS]

  coyote then that makes me so mad [TS]

  a row but it does that like this like [TS]

  right fucking frat boy the Road Runner [TS]

  is someone who is living in the moment [TS]

  the roadrunner has no future no past [TS]

  right [TS]

  I know he was your nemesis right was [TS]

  calling your nemesis for a while [TS]

  roadrunner I I feel like my relationship [TS]

  with convoy a and like a lot of other [TS]

  musicians like a lot of gay men it's [TS]

  complicated but a lot of musicians that [TS]

  I respect and admire my first impulse is [TS]

  to [TS]

  hate them for their for their success [TS]

  that's good that's the Alaska talking [TS]

  and also for the town and also for their [TS]

  their methods and manners [TS]

  I'm so kind i have spent a lot of time [TS]

  together and a lot of that time has been [TS]

  in it kind of boat facing each other in [TS]

  a wrestling impose em across I maybe at [TS]

  a a rickety bridge made out of bamboo [TS]

  prospect across the chasm but like a lot [TS]

  of my fields with with rock musicians [TS]

  not at a certain point what happened [TS]

  with Colin was that he got to a rich and [TS]

  famous to care anymore about you know if [TS]

  the feud that but we were having a sale [TS]

  is a good ones [TS]

  yeah and so then he was like oh are you [TS]

  still having that Feud I'm not even here [TS]

  anymore and then I was like this is this [TS]

  isn't fun anymore i'm not gonna have a [TS]

  feud with somebody who's not it's not [TS]

  feeling back so that's that that has [TS]

  happened a few times as the people that [TS]

  I was feeling with became a so rich and [TS]

  famous that they didn't I i think i have [TS]

  i think i think that Colin uh if you [TS]

  listen to this podcast i would be [TS]

  getting his goat right now and so that [TS]

  means the feud is still on good [TS]

  well if I really died he probably it he [TS]

  probably has someone who has someone to [TS]

  listen to this if he does what she does [TS]

  it [TS]

  probably but by da but the thing is let [TS]

  me ask you this let me just get a quick [TS]

  why dear here you have to word with the [TS]

  December's yes a few times teach you are [TS]

  you not on at least one recording by the [TS]

  decemberists yes [TS]

  ok play backwards piano ok honor honor [TS]

  December's album and you could if [TS]

  challenged sing along with or perhaps [TS]

  even cover like at least the Baraboo [TS]

  song or the tin smithy March or in his [TS]

  material familiar with the requirement [TS]

  you you know that the the Pirates of [TS]

  Yale by heart in and many nights many [TS]

  many nights a colin has introduced the [TS]

  chimbley sweep [TS]

  by saying that it is a song about me [TS]

  I don't know my life story haha to be [TS]

  bad but you're fighting in that book in [TS]

  his new what I'm a dynamic character but [TS]

  my point is you are familiar enough with [TS]

  a lot of his stuff you could probably if [TS]

  you want to backstage just loud enough [TS]

  for him to here with his craft services [TS]

  that you're not allowed to touch you [TS]

  could sing just loud enough a parody of [TS]

  the chimbley sweep be like inserting the [TS]

  word poop a lot like if you if you [TS]

  wanted to you could probably know the [TS]

  courts to be able to do that via that [TS]

  the main way that I guess I really [TS]

  instantly answer in the main way that I [TS]

  get their goat is to drop constant [TS]

  references to how their songs are all [TS]

  about pirates and for a while they took [TS]

  it a with the with the kind of like a [TS]

  forced smile and then there was a period [TS]

  where every time I would do it Collin [TS]

  would say we have no songs about pirates [TS]

  not not a single one and i would say all [TS]

  right except for the that and then I [TS]

  would you know I list all of their songs [TS]

  that are about pirates and he would say [TS]

  none of those are about pirates and then [TS]

  now we went through a phase where he [TS]

  stopped even he just would ignore me [TS]

  would just keep his face completely [TS]

  blocked the patrician shrug it would [TS]

  when I would talk about pirates now i'm [TS]

  not sure if I if I said all your songs [TS]

  are about pirates maybe maybe he would [TS]

  maybe with laughs maybe it's a thing [TS]

  maybe to a meme now we've been doing it [TS]

  for so long [TS]

  the reason I don't think he would laugh [TS]

  players and I bring it up is it seems to [TS]

  me that you are now especially given [TS]

  your owls you are uniquely qualified to [TS]

  write him a super creepy letter [TS]

  yeah haha in which in which you display [TS]

  how familiar you are with him how close [TS]

  you are how much you know about him and [TS]

  how many fucking things wrong with him [TS]

  it's the perfect time he loves to read [TS]

  ya know i think in fact I think you [TS]

  might even have a story you might even [TS]

  have a story like that himself where he [TS]

  wrote a letter like that to someone who [TS]

  uh i think george bernard shaw yeah haha [TS]

  [Music] [TS]