0:00:00hello John how are you hi Merlin a la
0:00:10lune man i gotta work on something
0:00:16better
0:00:16what do you recommend what do you think
0:00:17what would you how would you like your
0:00:18name son it's not really as my name
0:00:22isn't as single as your name like that
0:00:24man is like like asking for christmas
0:00:26present right i should come up with
0:00:27something
0:00:28well i don't know i mean that people
0:00:31have tried to give me theme music I've
0:00:35always felt like the best theme music I
0:00:38ever had a butter was on tour one time
0:00:40and butter one of those little 99-cent
0:00:42keyboards in a thrift store and it had
0:00:46it had like 10 presets on it
0:00:50preset buttons like that play little
0:00:53themes and one of them just said
0:00:55oriental top equation congratulations
0:00:59John that's a new record it would be 54
0:01:02seconds to ping phone when you press the
0:01:05button is the keyboard a little a bit
0:01:06keyboard just went did and so I carried
0:01:12that keyboard around on tour her like
0:01:15three weeks and every time like before I
0:01:17would enter a room I would just put the
0:01:18whole keyboard through the door and push
0:01:20the button did it tonight after like a
0:01:25month of that how much feed her that
0:01:27horrible will sit down let's straighten
0:01:28someone's heart it was so great because
0:01:30it was one of those jokes that that
0:01:32stopped being funny and then got really
0:01:35funny and then got really funny and i
0:01:38love this i just wish i had a half but
0:01:40like like that music everywhere i go i
0:01:43used to one of that's like that today
0:01:45they called a soundboard we go to a page
0:01:47and you can make Arnold Schwarzenegger
0:01:48noises of the big lebowski always were a
0:01:50vest you know that by the plate sad
0:01:52trombone or uh oh yeah yeah yeah exactly
0:01:57something like that are bong ironing
0:01:59like I want I don't want I you gotta be
0:02:02honest with you I don't think of myself
0:02:04as a distant dishonest person I don't
0:02:06have an entire affected like fake
0:02:09audience but i would like the
0:02:10opportunity to punctuate my own not that
0:02:12funny jokes with the south
0:02:13effect ah uu there's a part of you that
0:02:17wants to be a morning DJ it's a very
0:02:20very small part that the probably
0:02:22dropped a lot you hear great morning DJ
0:02:24though I could be a morning DJ it's i
0:02:28don't mind getting up early i don't like
0:02:30driving fingers you could have been a
0:02:33morning DJ I got it I could have been a
0:02:35lot of things John our age group we
0:02:38really have to transition from talking
0:02:39about things that we want to do or could
0:02:41do start talking about things that we
0:02:44could have done that big transition I
0:02:47could've been in the Special Forces yes
0:02:49i am now no longer eligible for the
0:02:52Special Forces I should have listened to
0:02:54my bowling coach because he told me
0:02:55something that sticks with me to this
0:02:57day
0:02:57go ahead ask a question with a question
0:02:59at this point you probably coach John
0:03:02you can't have a bowling team without a
0:03:03coach up not only I'd like to get back
0:03:05let me strike that it wasn't it was not
0:03:08a bowling team was a bowling club right
0:03:10ok so he was a booster club leader
0:03:12bowling i was employed club not a lot of
0:03:14laser that's good way to put it i mean
0:03:17yeah i think you regard himself as a
0:03:18coach you have one of those little those
0:03:19creepy little MIT where when you're
0:03:22serious bowler you know you know this
0:03:24creepy little things that like bowler
0:03:26guys we're not know you're not about a
0:03:28glove
0:03:28it's a kind of club but it's a really it
0:03:32looks like a swimming glove-like hit the
0:03:34web its web
0:03:35I just I've never seen somebody wearing
0:03:38one of those who didn't look a little
0:03:39bit like a discount supervillain when
0:03:41i'm at what I'm wondering is does that
0:03:43give you an unfair advantage in the in
0:03:46bowling the only higher fare advantage
0:03:48is what mr. trapani taught me which is
0:03:50starting when you're young he would say
0:03:52he was also graphics is also the
0:03:54graphics teacher the graphic ret AP
0:03:57history so that doesn't look like Jabba
0:04:00the Hutt mr. Dallison what up boy you
0:04:04wouldn't like you know I'm gonna make a
0:04:06note card about AP History I'm gonna
0:04:08make an original arcade derek
0:04:11congratulations John up saying what
0:04:1216-17 history
0:04:15let's come back to mr. Ellison what I
0:04:16contain this quickly and we shoulda said
0:04:18what was his advice mr. data center mr.
0:04:20at your panty mr. trepanning mr. trapani
0:04:23rights on two cars just don't forget
0:04:25don't listen
0:04:26his wife was the the Dean of girls so it
0:04:29seems like some kind of racket to me mr.
0:04:33japani us eighth grade when I really
0:04:35like graphic arts you know where you're
0:04:36like learn to use a compass and
0:04:38protractor and make with the
0:04:40orthographic orthogonal what are they
0:04:42called the 3d looking drawings you know
0:04:43the cube the mysterious 3d cube so yeah
0:04:46perspective and perspective
0:04:48well in a sense the capital p you
0:04:49learned a kind of respect i learned a
0:04:51kind of perspective kind of perspective
0:04:53you can get in pasco county in 1980 and
0:04:55mr. training said he would say ruefully
0:04:58ruefully he would say I think from the
0:05:00tri-state area
0:05:01I'm guessing he wasn't really he said it
0:05:03with roo with that kind of love you make
0:05:04a lot of room and he said he said
0:05:07ruefully he said any shaky-shaky was
0:05:09roomful rueful yeah like room yeah and
0:05:12he shake it shake his bearded head and
0:05:14he'd say guys i really wish i had
0:05:17started doing this when I was 14 he says
0:05:19because bowling is one of those games
0:05:21where if you started if you guys took
0:05:24this seriously he was super nice
0:05:26he said if you stick with this and you
0:05:28do this a couple three times a week you
0:05:29could go to the show you could go to the
0:05:31show you go all the way to the top play
0:05:33with the big boys wherein the wearing
0:05:34the metal cleats homeland and he said in
0:05:37he said look that's the thing now you
0:05:38know I i inferred inregister active
0:05:42everything that's true of tap dance
0:05:43that's not true that's not you I mean
0:05:44that's the dental professional secret
0:05:46she started young when she started on
0:05:48all that exciting tsui you I don't think
0:05:51that's true football I think you have to
0:05:53be a pirate case I think you got to be a
0:05:55little bit
0:05:55oh no I mean you certainly have to be
0:05:57big but but that's self-selected to be
0:06:00gay
0:06:01not really i don't think i don't think
0:06:03that's a prerequisite
0:06:04ok let's get me they can perfectly dog
0:06:06fighting who
0:06:08good point um no I think I mean some of
0:06:10that stuff is self-selecting calling
0:06:12that Gulf of a coffee try really hard
0:06:14coffee get good i bet you do get good
0:06:16yeah that's a lot of I mean there are a
0:06:18lot of things that you can't get good at
0:06:19no matter how hard you try if you're um
0:06:22motard who right i mean that's that's
0:06:27good but I don't think I wish we had
0:06:29that word
0:06:29there's two words you and i love that we
0:06:31just can't use
0:06:32a two there's two very special words
0:06:35that most artists is his offensive it
0:06:38isn't any cricket John that's like you
0:06:40know what you really want to say if you
0:06:42have if you have parties like calling
0:06:43somebody a maggot
0:06:45tap quick little maggot quit acting like
0:06:48a magnet for a mag are such it's just
0:06:51such a fag butts so Maggie you could say
0:06:53you could say flame tarde you could say
0:06:56you could well you can't say float art
0:06:58because that's a girl I know but you can
0:07:01put tired at the end of anything and
0:07:03it's it's automatically offensive is
0:07:05horribly offensive anymore into the
0:07:06harmful that's the only ppl just like
0:07:13two winners in Canada you should have a
0:07:15medical procedure more often this is the
0:07:16John this is the John you know I think
0:07:20if you keep it fresh
0:07:21I'll do all the clown tardy dicked hard
0:07:23ground hard on the fucktard you don't
0:07:25look at me a clown tarde
0:07:26look II know that from you as fuck
0:07:29staying I never and I was a kid I've
0:07:31never heard that before
0:07:32well fuck spain i mean is there a lower
0:07:34thing tantrum a stain
0:07:38yes and forum that's right Santorum fans
0:07:41have a channel when I do not want to
0:07:43talk about tea party you don't want to
0:07:44talk about politics and mr. sharp and
0:07:46mr. Schmidt was rueful he was good man
0:07:48he was what you don't want to get a
0:07:50giant jar Drew he had ruined i don't use
0:07:52the first bedroom yeah yeah Louisiana
0:07:55sauce it's got flour in it or through
0:07:58this a little of that Louisiana sauce
0:08:02that leaves your friends manuscript
0:08:04names on it easy and resolved through
0:08:07the baby kangaroo and winnie the pooh
0:08:08all through short for roofie a rifle all
0:08:13but they ready you're having a stroke
0:08:16alright here's a link to the first 1i
0:08:19have today mr. miss her panty was
0:08:22supervising Minister Mr detlefsen I was
0:08:24not in AP History I'm not you cannot be
0:08:27a nice teacher if your name is dead love
0:08:28some know in that awful it used to just
0:08:31you're born pretty you get a cold sore
0:08:33just saying that out yet listen deadlift
0:08:36shrimp seem like a nice guy
0:08:38deadlift shrimp that left shrimp
0:08:42he was a basketball player back in the
0:08:44old days
0:08:45back in Seattle had a basketball team
0:08:47well the Sonics that's right and wear
0:08:50this wear this all here we go again now
0:08:52wear this on it so don't tell me they're
0:08:53in Iowa know Oklahoma City Hall for the
0:08:55love of Christ that makes me angry John
0:08:57and I hate sports you know this about me
0:08:59i hate sports but I only thing I hate
0:09:01more than sports is people who like
0:09:03sports and people who can suffer the
0:09:06idea of a regional name going to a
0:09:07different fucking place is so goddamn
0:09:09woman semi and now they're called like
0:09:11the the Oklahoma City gold stars or the
0:09:14Oklahoma City like just like a sex thing
0:09:16there likes the sunshine rainbows now or
0:09:19something and get their name they have
0:09:21one of those expansion names I don't
0:09:22care about sports either now but all the
0:09:25new teams like the old teams have names
0:09:27that that I don't know maybe it's just
0:09:30because they're old Utah Jazz don't get
0:09:32me started on Utah Jazz Utah Jazz that's
0:09:34terrible it doesn't make a lick of sense
0:09:36what the what the hell is and what the
0:09:38hell is a like a Oklahoma City sunshine
0:09:42rainbow that's no name for a basketball
0:09:44team at the Panhandle state that that
0:09:47state does have a pan and it's one of
0:09:48the few states that she called the
0:09:50panhandlers the Oklahoma panhandlers you
0:09:52know Alaska has a panhandle to that we
0:09:54call the past she said really called me
0:09:55i want that little less a little Wang at
0:09:57the bottom right well there are two
0:09:58wings as the recent events and away
0:10:01ok is it is kind of the peninsula
0:10:02archipelago it's an archipelago the
0:10:08great when I go to a good luck just so i
0:10:09could say that sounds awesome
0:10:11now here's the thing about mr. Dallison
0:10:12I never had AP History I was inclined
0:10:14toward history
0:10:15yeah we're we're truly truly the the one
0:10:18point in disguise mention this before
0:10:20another program but the the teacher of
0:10:22the class who was a coach that was some
0:10:24it was no no this is mr. i don't know i
0:10:27think having a borrowed name
0:10:28oh ok but this guy my class this guy
0:10:30actually one day said that as part of
0:10:32this treaty the Indians would get the
0:10:34native americans we get that two-fifths
0:10:36of the land or forty percent whichever
0:10:37was more so that was a good class now my
0:10:40friends name had AP history which is
0:10:42advanced placement history that's right
0:10:44and mr. detlefsen was famous for two
0:10:47things
0:10:48well if it was just a hard class in
0:10:50general but at he has floundered 23 no
0:10:54no sorry it's just down back to Sam
0:10:55class a p.o this guy like Jabba the Hutt
0:10:58right is in the racket with his wife and
0:11:01he mr. Dennison superclass any I think
0:11:05he did to every semester 2 20 page
0:11:09papers you know i don't think i ever
0:11:11wrote one 20-page paper in high school
0:11:12that's not normal for high school get
0:11:14you ready for this your second 20-page
0:11:16paper this is i believe the day before
0:11:21like christmas break or whatever you
0:11:23know one thing also mr. Ellison demanded
0:11:26the AP History always be 4th 4th period
0:11:29right so that you could take his test
0:11:32through lunch
0:11:33yeah what a tough ass ok so you gonna
0:11:36happen but the second 20-page paper was
0:11:38I was ninety percent of your grade
0:11:40oh no no this is a giant giant party or
0:11:42great to get this December whatever 21st
0:11:45you go in there 22nd whatever you go in
0:11:47there is no schools always out by
0:11:49December 18 sorry i was already fly
0:11:51should check this day before christmas
0:11:53starts christmas break you go right
0:11:55there i tried a put your 20 page paper
0:11:58on my desk
0:11:59yes be you got your final or semi final
0:12:03though you have to take now
0:12:05yeah i'm gonna put it down in front of
0:12:07you but this is a real this is a real
0:12:09blue book you ready for this yeah
0:12:11discuss World War two
0:12:13that's the question how fucking great is
0:12:16mr. detlefsen discuss world war two
0:12:19exactly take as long as you want
0:12:22I I would have taken that test all the
0:12:24way through lunch i'm going to get
0:12:26through today you'd still be sitting
0:12:27there would be could be writing writing
0:12:30on your rear in World War two
0:12:33if you could get a degree in world war
0:12:342i would have I would have a PhD you did
0:12:37would be no cold war without warranty
0:12:38John and I have to tell you that with
0:12:41heavens i don't even know where to start
0:12:42with that state now at the time that was
0:12:44merely one of those like I don't know
0:12:48you know the kinds of stories you hear
0:12:49those stories again like the teachers
0:12:50with the paddles with the holes in them
0:12:51this is one of those things but this was
0:12:53real sure and will be history in the AP
0:12:56History at tracks the kind of teacher
0:12:58who justifies any manner of sadism by
0:13:02saying that they are preparing you for
0:13:04college I'm preparing you for this is
0:13:07what its gonna be like in college i'm
0:13:09preparing
0:13:09so it's the first time it's the first
0:13:12time in your school career if you can
0:13:13call it that somebody actually makes
0:13:15good on that bullshit promise that
0:13:17they're not going to treat you like a
0:13:18kid next year
0:13:19ya hear that you have their fucking
0:13:21preschool only time we get the 2nd grade
0:13:23they're not gonna treat you like a kid
0:13:24anymore you're going to use sharp crayon
0:13:26use cursive you know but of course then
0:13:28it's just a bunch of bullshit about
0:13:29standing in line I can't tell anybody I
0:13:31think I think discuss roll or two is
0:13:33maybe the greatest bluebook question of
0:13:35all time
0:13:36it's wonderful and separates the men
0:13:37from the boys the wheat from the chaff
0:13:39what you what I maybe you what I would
0:13:42not have known then that I know now is
0:13:44you just have to write for something
0:13:45really fucking awesome about an aspect
0:13:48of that right you don't have to go like
0:13:50and then this happened and then because
0:13:52you're sexy like you don't have to just
0:13:54spit out everything you know you have to
0:13:55write something coach it fits in the
0:13:56book like I do that now right
0:13:59well that's that's what's true about all
0:14:01essay questions I mean they're just
0:14:03looking for you to be you can you can
0:14:07you can you can show that you have a a
0:14:12canada language yet but de menezes madam
0:14:17tuba if you can show that you you have a
0:14:20deep knowledge of it of a topic by just
0:14:22kind of skating across the top of it if
0:14:24you if you write with confidence but
0:14:28that's the problem in high school you
0:14:29can't you can't count on you can't count
0:14:31on even ten percent of the kids being
0:14:33able to write imagine imagine like for
0:14:35example I don't you know this stuff at
0:14:37me but imagine a lead that was something
0:14:38like you know whatever with 20 million
0:14:40dead and that it happened he would
0:14:42imagine if you 1500 you see I'm already
0:14:45i'm already off to think that's it and
0:14:46go back to the train car like you got a
0:14:48book and now you say who wrote a guest
0:14:50with the Cold War beginning to get the
0:14:52two sides these great allies broken
0:14:54apart who would have guessed this all
0:14:55began back in this train car this all we
0:14:58get him on a summer day in 1939
0:15:04hehe that's not nothing was that was
0:15:09Versailles quick
0:15:10don't overthink it what the treaty of
0:15:11versailles know the place with the
0:15:13fucking mirror is John 3 verse i was
0:15:16nineteen nineteen nineteen community
0:15:19center Roosevelt Teddy Roosevelt
0:15:20president teddy roosevelt no was real
0:15:23Wilson Woodrow all of course he's on the
0:15:25money what money
0:15:27woodrow wilson on he's on a hundred
0:15:29thousand dollar bill haha up the Woodrow
0:15:33well that's why all the rappers are like
0:15:35yo give me the woodys give me the
0:15:38Wilsons hope it's all about the Wilson I
0:15:41hope I'm right about this
0:15:44yeah yep google it hundred thousand
0:15:46dollar bill Woodrow Wilson is on the
0:15:49hundred-thousand-dollar built like a
0:15:50light John they're not a lot in
0:15:51circulation
0:15:52well imagine feel how bad you would feel
0:15:55if you lost that if I lost that bet
0:15:58well no no I mean not you have already
0:16:00lost the bet but I'm saying if you happy
0:16:02dont know what it's been a good year
0:16:04I'm just gonna go get well see that
0:16:06those bills are four banks those bills
0:16:09are four banks only terrible and during
0:16:11the gold standard having a hundred
0:16:12thousand dollar bill Woodrow Wilson is
0:16:14on the hundred-thousand-dollar bill
0:16:16yeah that's pretty cool if you were to
0:16:20land on the three-dollar bill you why I
0:16:23oughta
0:16:23hey there they don't let those hundred
0:16:25thousand dollar bills out and this is
0:16:27the thing that's very front hold them up
0:16:29to the light in Europe they have 500
0:16:32euro bills that are in that are in wide
0:16:35circulation 200 euro bills 500 euro
0:16:38bills again it's like a grand 500 euros
0:16:43know it's like six hundred dollars that
0:16:46this is Europe your ear open yeah okay
0:16:49I'm but but there but we have five
0:16:51hundred dollar bills here but you can't
0:16:53you can't they won't give them to you
0:16:56letter concerning the 20 the 10 to 20
0:16:58because of the 80s McKinley President
0:17:00McKinley's a five-minute Bill now you
0:17:02got me thinking about this crazy about
0:17:04it
0:17:05who there's a website that i was on very
0:17:07recently that tells you how much your
0:17:11coinage is worth if you melt it down
0:17:14just for the melt weight of the metal in
0:17:16the coin
0:17:17I do not want to know that for pennies
0:17:19with me so angry
0:17:21it's pretty nuts for pennies it's costly
0:17:24doesn't cost like two cents to make a
0:17:25penny
0:17:26oh it's I think Penny's are worth more
0:17:28than to sense now
0:17:30nnw stealing copper pipes
0:17:33Jesus Christ what is wrong with this
0:17:35country John what you know what we need
0:17:37is that was still in copper pipe for a
0:17:39long time
0:17:40everybody's always trying to steal your
0:17:41comfort wipe the hard it's a copper pipe
0:17:43problem but no here that this this
0:17:46website i'm gonna do is i'm gonna plug a
0:17:48website it's called coin solution COI n
0:17:53Fla tion dot-com conflation and it will
0:17:57tell you the melt value of your coins
0:18:01yeah it's really really really really
0:18:05cool I don't say this often
0:18:07John but this is what are the resources
0:18:09at those fat cats in the government do
0:18:12not want you to know about that's
0:18:13exactly right so just like a 1964
0:18:16quarter 1964 quarter a is worth like
0:18:22well it's so worth like four dollars
0:18:27four dollars and and thirty cents in
0:18:31just in silver weight have you find one
0:18:35of those if you find in 1963 quarter in
0:18:37your pocket jam and you think like oh
0:18:38yeah that's probably worth something
0:18:40they're still using that pre-embargo
0:18:41silver at that time pre-embargo silver
0:18:45yeah what you want to get a van or
0:18:47something like that you know before the
0:18:48you know I you know Kennedy Kennedy
0:18:50stocked up on Havana cigars before the
0:18:53embargo you know that right
0:18:54oh and Margo silver mhm that's one way
0:18:57of putting it
0:18:58whoo voice is really amazing 95% copper
0:19:01look at that now you know Nicholas a
0:19:02carcinogen you know that right well if
0:19:04you smoke it
0:19:05boom how do you do it put in my nose
0:19:09yeah I said I use them as a suppository
0:19:11I stick a roll of nickels up there you
0:19:15can find a five-set suppository
0:19:16somewhere i don't think so
0:19:17well no not now that nickels worth a
0:19:20dollar fifty is a simple this is a
0:19:22fucking upside-down society you know mr.
0:19:24dad listen I would we should get in
0:19:25touch with him and find out what he
0:19:26thinks of this discuss melted coins
0:19:27don't talk about mr. Devlin some he
0:19:29sounds like a real
0:19:30part ass he was he was huge
0:19:34I got kicked out of AP History know this
0:19:39is when your mom was to confess anything
0:19:41special school you know this was a
0:19:42scandal to kick you tell me about it
0:19:45well so
0:19:48ap history right here you're supposed to
0:19:51get college credit if you if you get a
0:19:53good grade in AP History you can i'll
0:19:55give you credit for when you college
0:19:57really take that isn't that kinda like a
0:19:58like a like a traveler's checks if I
0:20:01think if you go to Princeton they
0:20:03probably don't care about your AP
0:20:04History exam but uh but maybe you know
0:20:08what the University of Alaska Anchorage
0:20:10maybe you can skip freshman history or
0:20:13something i think at the University
0:20:14self-weight clip out the first two years
0:20:16trying to call its automatic junior but
0:20:19in my case I i was in this history class
0:20:22and and I had long long since stopped
0:20:28paying attention in school and I i was
0:20:32taking a makeup exam out in the hall and
0:20:38I had my history book in the little the
0:20:42little rack that was attached to my that
0:20:45was bolted to my wheelchair desk combo
0:20:48thing and and at a certain point in the
0:20:53test i looked down and flip through the
0:20:55pages and try to look see if I could
0:20:58figure out when the war of 1812 was or
0:21:00whatever the hell question he was asking
0:21:02and he can heat the teacher was out in
0:21:05the hall and he came around the corner
0:21:06and saw me cheating they're cheating
0:21:09scandal and he gave me an F and was and
0:21:15he actually cried real tears like you
0:21:18were one of my favorite students and
0:21:20you're cheating and just I couldn't
0:21:22believe that you would do such a thing
0:21:23it's a betrayal of the hearts awful
0:21:26education and and betrayal of of you
0:21:30you're betraying yourself and all this
0:21:31terrible stuff it was just like a real
0:21:34burden of guilt and shame for my
0:21:37cheating scandal which was me looking
0:21:39for flipping through the table of
0:21:40contents of my history book alcohol it's
0:21:43not a waste
0:21:43eating though right it was cheating is
0:21:45cheating all right it was changed is
0:21:47that your calendar and I think history
0:21:48class but in any case am at the end of
0:21:52the senior year I've told you this story
0:21:53right
0:21:54I didn't have enough credits to graduate
0:21:55because i graduated last in my class in
0:21:59high school you graduated last in your
0:22:01class I was like absolutely last in my
0:22:04class I had the idea 1.2 cumulative GPA
0:22:08through four years of high school I i
0:22:11was i was out on the light nice grouping
0:22:14on the list of graduating seniors they
0:22:17were like 25 guys 25 people who had
0:22:20higher GPA than i did that were actually
0:22:21held back and not allowed to graduate
0:22:24couple that died
0:22:26there's a horse dick they called me in
0:22:28but the principal and the guidance
0:22:30counselors and the teachers were they
0:22:33they they called me down to the office
0:22:35and they were all there and they said
0:22:38look we talked about it and we don't
0:22:45want you to come back so here you'll see
0:22:50here in AP history that you you have an
0:22:53F but we're going to award you the
0:22:56credits and we're giving you some credit
0:23:00for your extracurricular activities
0:23:03kompong you know you don't anti social
0:23:06promotion that you'll see over here in
0:23:08column B that's saying and so
0:23:10congratulations good luck Godspeed to
0:23:17you got a diploma
0:23:18oh yeah and and and the thing was that
0:23:21the student the student body knew that I
0:23:23didn't have enough credits to graduate
0:23:24though the word leaked out in the month
0:23:26up coming up to graduation and so it was
0:23:31already a scandal it was you know buzz
0:23:35buzz buzz you know Rogers not going to
0:23:37graduate buzz and so right up until the
0:23:41day of graduation it was it was still
0:23:47that mean like it was still a a matter
0:23:50of contention some people are saying no
0:23:52of course he's going to graduate some
0:23:53people were there people are betting
0:23:55cases of beer back and forth
0:23:57and then and then I i walked at the
0:24:01ceremony and when they called my name it
0:24:04was like it was he heard in the hole
0:24:06because it's the graduations in the big
0:24:09auditorium you know you heard them like
0:24:1375 raspberries across the room like
0:24:16think they're like John Roderick just
0:24:20people all through the hall making
0:24:22raspberries and Leslie faculty parking
0:24:26their little air horns it was a it was
0:24:28it was kind of rude actually but that's
0:24:34how it played out and there's so much
0:24:37wrong with that on every level
0:24:38I just that is really sick yeah did they
0:24:41let you do that and that's the way
0:24:43that's the way that's how it goes
0:24:45is it stopped yeah exactly i'm gonna see
0:24:48being a real nuisance I've heard about
0:24:49some of your customer service problems
0:24:50in the past but even the faculty John
0:24:52and it wasn't like they said oh you're a
0:24:54good kid they give you a little Chuck on
0:24:56the shoulder and say good luck at
0:24:57Gonzaga or whatever like this is this is
0:24:59going to be that that'sthat's really
0:25:01that'sthat's a holocaust John they
0:25:02should never let you graduate that's
0:25:04ridiculous
0:25:04ya know there was there was nothing
0:25:06about it there was like oh you you nut
0:25:11it was very much like don't come back
0:25:14I I mean I completely understand and I
0:25:18think I mean I see my position was I
0:25:20wasn't that bad but I i see the other
0:25:23thing was at our graduation everybody
0:25:26went to graduation now how fucked up is
0:25:28this this is this is very lucky in a
0:25:30closet kind of thing you go to
0:25:32graduation you sit there they call your
0:25:34name you gotta go like even if you
0:25:35failed out you still have to walk know
0:25:38all that's cruel and if you didn't
0:25:41because you know that would strip the
0:25:43seating right so you can be brutal they
0:25:46hand you a case with a blank case
0:25:49there's no deployment and it looks like
0:25:50you got to play over there is no
0:25:51deployment no way but but you're but
0:25:53people know all your friends know maybe
0:25:55I did not know until I looked inside
0:25:58whether i would have a diploma
0:26:00wow I was I was right out i was right on
0:26:02the edge for all I know is a clerical
0:26:04error but like I said I felt two classes
0:26:06was a senior i was i should have
0:26:08graduated but it not somehow it happened
0:26:10i think i was taking like geometry and
0:26:1212th grade you know I it's a bit sad
0:26:17that's a busted-ass system you know I
0:26:19mr. debt listen now that that's a guy
0:26:22who could really turn things around you
0:26:23know San mm no I don't because I don't
0:26:27be honest detlefsen could turn around
0:26:28see what I i don't know i mean i don't
0:26:31have systems broken but ok so i'm not a
0:26:34conversation with a girl today on the
0:26:36phone
0:26:37wow they marked my calendar a business
0:26:39conversation in a business capacity NPR
0:26:42right and this girl got the Irish epr no
0:26:45no she's in you know she's some in some
0:26:48music business capacity let's just say I
0:26:50and halfway through the cover you know
0:26:53she works at an office where I have I
0:26:56have business dealings they're in town
0:26:59not in Seattle
0:27:01okay and I said that to a halfway
0:27:03through the conversation was like hey so
0:27:05have we met before and she said my don't
0:27:09know and I was like oh oh did I ruin
0:27:16your life
0:27:17that's weird um are you sure you don't
0:27:20know I would think that you working in
0:27:24an office that deals with musicians
0:27:25would know if you had met me but ok
0:27:28that's fine and so we talked a little
0:27:30bit more we got to the end the
0:27:32conversation I said well thank you very
0:27:33much for your help and she said yeah and
0:27:40then there was a long pause and I said
0:27:46okay then bye
0:27:49and she was like oh my and it felt like
0:27:57I was I felt like I
0:28:00was in I like I was in Teletubbies land
0:28:04and I'm a and this is a we're talking
0:28:07about real money this girl and I what
0:28:10we're having
0:28:11grabbing the this is like high-powered
0:28:14business convo it isn't about agreeing
0:28:18to do things about agreeing to do think
0:28:20that's serious stuff
0:28:22yeah I was giving her verbal
0:28:24authorization for 24 to make some money
0:28:28that's a strange way for someone on that
0:28:30call to talk yeah and she's talking to
0:28:33me like that to Teletubbies thing and
0:28:35you could tell from her voice that she
0:28:36was in her tool in her twenties but
0:28:38potentially in her early twenties and I
0:28:40imagine maybe that she was wearing some
0:28:42some skin tight jeans and maybe some big
0:28:46white sunglasses but even and end up
0:28:50like a Palestinian scarf but even so her
0:28:56phone her phone etiquette was so
0:28:59off-the-charts in the wrong direction
0:29:02bad but it made me think that the that
0:29:06it was ultimately the fault of the
0:29:08American schools who but more than that
0:29:11like further evidence of this thing that
0:29:14we're always talking about this that the
0:29:16end times that as represented by like
0:29:21like the the sweeping waves of fake
0:29:25autism that we call me call youth
0:29:30culture now
0:29:31yeah you get a resolution to this no I
0:29:34huh
0:29:34I wasn't even sure that we had hung up i
0:29:36SAT and stared at my phone for like 30
0:29:38seconds I was like is that we are we
0:29:42done
0:29:42I've had a lot of conversations with
0:29:44people that go like that in the last
0:29:46five years and even excluding the fact
0:29:48that i don't like talking on the phone
0:29:50and I talk too fast
0:29:51I i I've often say this to people i will
0:29:53actually sometimes say that people are
0:29:55you checking your email right now
0:29:56oh because I can I mean I know I talk a
0:29:59lot it can hear that he not be taught be
0:30:02listening em up
0:30:06[Music]
0:30:07uh i ah yeah um oh my ok I think I think
0:30:17that's awesome crazy know that right
0:30:19there ok so you like that huh did you
0:30:23hit with a sock full of pennies like
0:30:24what's going on little was that for a
0:30:27long time I carried on all phone
0:30:29conversations while playing a computer
0:30:33silent you see how much he says it keeps
0:30:35you in the right zone for a phone call
0:30:37yeah yeah but then I realized that no
0:30:39that's false i was too much of me was
0:30:41being used up I was not actually I was
0:30:45not actually in the phone conversation
0:30:47as much as I needed to be
0:30:49I cannot do it John i might as well be
0:30:51like driving on a highway and trying to
0:30:52chopped green peppers
0:30:53I cannot do it's so obvious and i'll
0:30:55actually stop and say things like and I
0:30:58should not try to do two things at once
0:31:04yeah I mean you know I I you know John I
0:31:07got on with you i think it could be the
0:31:09schools i think it every step of the way
0:31:10this is messed up i think you are both
0:31:12examples of white people who got to
0:31:13graduate from high school that should
0:31:14know i think that's ridiculous
0:31:16yeah i mean all of my teachers were
0:31:19really almost all really stupid some
0:31:21more awesome my drama teacher my drama
0:31:23teacher was amazing she was great
0:31:25on the one hand we did we clearly did
0:31:28not do what was asked of us who and so
0:31:32in that sense should not have been
0:31:33allowed to graduate from high school
0:31:34because we did not perform the tasks but
0:31:40on the other hand i personally I feel
0:31:44like I never should have even gone in
0:31:45the front doors of high school thing is
0:31:47to say they used to say that you know
0:31:49what separates us from the Soviets and
0:31:51say you know the Soviets they go in and
0:31:54buy whatever some great doesn't matter
0:31:55i'm sure they're making it up anyway
0:31:56they go in and they pluck you out of
0:31:58there and give you a test and not
0:32:00everybody gets this nice education
0:32:02you're getting when they're 14 you would
0:32:03be like learning how to work a lathe at
0:32:06this Brides and I don't know if that's
0:32:07true or not but i kinda wish i had that
0:32:09I don't need to shoot a dog into space
0:32:11without any contingency plan for the
0:32:13dogs ever coming back this is why we
0:32:15lost the Cold War was our fear shooting
0:32:17dogs then we lose the cool
0:32:20I you know you're the expert ya know why
0:32:22I'm talking with you i wish the Soviet
0:32:24system in a slightly more improved way I
0:32:26had been there to benefit me I think
0:32:27they should have looked for people who
0:32:28are riding ASEAN their folder you know
0:32:31and we're talking how to work out a
0:32:33lathe and we're a little heavy
0:32:35I think you're saying are you saying
0:32:36that you'd be happier right now like
0:32:38working a metal press somewhere I don't
0:32:40know what kind of work does he do
0:32:42here's the thing here's one of the got a
0:32:44lot of people don't like there's to hit
0:32:46about America
0:32:47okee do you know why they give people
0:32:50the s80 you know this
0:32:52SATs are according to keep the black man
0:32:55down right right i mean so hard for now
0:32:57and just go to absolute know the reason
0:33:00that they do it as i understand it is
0:33:02that of all of the like like I don't
0:33:07know like fucking chicken bones they
0:33:09come up with to the sky decide how you
0:33:10will be quote unquote successful in
0:33:12college and let's be honest it's not
0:33:13like you get out of secondary school and
0:33:14suddenly everybody's really smart like
0:33:16it's a whole big broken system and but
0:33:18supposedly SATs are the single best
0:33:20indicator of success in college I don't
0:33:22know if that is true that's what i was
0:33:23told at the time and that's what you
0:33:25have to take the s80 because they can
0:33:27look at stuff like your essay or they
0:33:28can stuff your grades in your community
0:33:30blonde again this is 25 years ago so i
0:33:32don't have to still the case but that
0:33:33was that was the thing but success in
0:33:36college is no indication of success in
0:33:39life
0:33:39yeah but if you don't go to college your
0:33:42life is going to be a lot harder so if
0:33:44you don't do that s80 well did you
0:33:46graduate from college
0:33:48yeah yeah you got a college diploma uh
0:33:50yeah how come it's not hanging
0:33:53prominently on the wall of your living
0:33:55room I was ready right here by my
0:33:57divinity degree and I yea well you have
0:34:00a degree in divinity
0:34:01well you know I actually hate that I was
0:34:03all made up I i do you have a diploma i
0:34:05am a mail-order Minister like everyone I
0:34:07know that sir but I have a friend who
0:34:10lives near the Universal Life Church
0:34:11there's an actual building
0:34:14yeah the guys pickup truck is full of
0:34:16pamphlets apparently anyhow just go down
0:34:18there i'm a universal life barely keeps
0:34:20a lot of money around the house stuff
0:34:21why I up
0:34:22well you know I never graduated from
0:34:23college hang on i thought i thought you
0:34:27had a master's degree i'm a college
0:34:28dropout huh yeah
0:34:32so you got you got you got socially yeah
0:34:35you gotta antisocial yun socially
0:34:38promoted out of high school and you
0:34:40didn't graduate from to colleges
0:34:42yeah right are you did not do a thesis i
0:34:47have more than enough credits to
0:34:48graduate probably easily i don't want
0:34:50your stupid diploma fuck you you know I
0:34:52just have never it's much more like yeah
0:34:55I haven't filled out the paperwork to
0:34:58graduate in London after looking to ask
0:35:01you anything about this John it just
0:35:04makes me feel like I still gotta hand in
0:35:06the game you're saying you didn't fill
0:35:07out a form and therefore after your
0:35:09family paid all that money for you to go
0:35:11to college you are not college graduate
0:35:13because you didn't go to the registrar
0:35:15one day
0:35:15well I'm is more complicated it's a
0:35:19little more complicated there's several
0:35:21days I didn't but the registrar but but
0:35:24never got much of that administrative
0:35:26bullshit there was that in college there
0:35:27was so much at least my school was so
0:35:30poor state school there was a lot but i
0:35:32had i had i lucked out and really lucked
0:35:36out they ask you to leave
0:35:38what are you gonna ask me to leave but
0:35:41my first day at the University of
0:35:42Washington to Gonzaga was on a quarter
0:35:45system
0:35:45I'm sorry comes and goes on a semester
0:35:47system and the u-dub was on a quarter
0:35:50system
0:35:51okay right so the credits don't don't
0:35:53all transfer it or if they don't they
0:35:55don't transfer straight across
0:35:57uh-huh and so that's just a tat a good
0:36:01slashed weird school that's not unusual
0:36:04at all my school would hardly give you
0:36:06any credit for anything because they're
0:36:07not even that we don't have that class
0:36:09here just work better than all those
0:36:10other really end up nowhere within this
0:36:12they were just like oh you gotta who
0:36:14from a what
0:36:15well maybe we'll give you a quarters
0:36:16worth of credit for that semester
0:36:18classes he knows again intellectual
0:36:20pawnshop
0:36:20absolutely so I show up at the guidance
0:36:23counselor's you know the big guidance
0:36:26counselor office where there's wait it's
0:36:28a waiting here it's like a it's like a
0:36:30bus station waiting area there's 60 kids
0:36:33waiting all who've taken a number and
0:36:36erotic their doors on either side
0:36:39they're probably 15 or 20 different
0:36:42guidance counselors and it's just like
0:36:44your number gets called
0:36:46and you go in the door of the next
0:36:49available guidance counselor who will in
0:36:52the next half-hour decide decide your
0:36:56fate in college and also your this is
0:36:58going to be your guidance counselor for
0:37:00the rest of your time here like this is
0:37:03a person you're going to see over and
0:37:04over again and i'm sitting in the lobby
0:37:07and I'm just like a god I'd it i hate I
0:37:09hate everything about this and and
0:37:12because of that whole business with
0:37:13Gonzaga where they were like what we
0:37:16won't include your permanent record with
0:37:18you you know if you go now we won't we
0:37:21won't send all the disciplinary files
0:37:23along with you I had no proof that they
0:37:25had not done the witness protection so
0:37:28I'm sitting in the lobby you know kind
0:37:29of like bouncing my feet back and forth
0:37:31just kind of like okay i hope this goes
0:37:33well and I get called into the office of
0:37:36this time cancer who is a a woman she's
0:37:41about four foot eleven she has a Dorothy
0:37:47Hamill haircut she probably weighs 96
0:37:51pounds and NPR Toback and she has an NPR
0:37:58tote bag and she's this darling little
0:38:01pixie of a lady who uh who was an
0:38:05attorney for many years and then
0:38:07transitioned into this role of the
0:38:10University of Washington guidance
0:38:12counseling I'm not sure why I never did
0:38:14figure out why and she brought me in and
0:38:18SAT me down in the chair and we started
0:38:20talking
0:38:21the conversation got very flirtatious
0:38:23and she came around the desk and sat
0:38:28down in the chair next to me and said
0:38:30let's see what we can do and she went
0:38:33through my gun sagar credits and she was
0:38:35like oh well we don't have this but we
0:38:39don't have this class here but here's
0:38:40what I'm going to do we'll just call it
0:38:41the next highest level class and we'll
0:38:45just say that you have credit for all of
0:38:46it
0:38:48and she took my two years at Gonzaga and
0:38:51she translated that into me being
0:38:55halfway through my junior year what with
0:38:58a major in Russian lit and a minor in
0:39:02art to double minor in like ancient
0:39:06greek and philosophy is going to check
0:39:10that and I was just like tell me more
0:39:14and then she asked me out on a date come
0:39:17on
0:39:18yeah this sounds like a pass forum it
0:39:20was incredible and we went out for like
0:39:25several months while you were
0:39:27matriculating I was 22
0:39:30she was 38 and she was she held my
0:39:35future in the palm of her hand literally
0:39:38and literally that wasn't all she held
0:39:42in the parliament who and she she would
0:39:46use that sometimes to get me to do
0:39:50things in the romance exhaling sexy pic
0:39:54this to she would remind me of the power
0:39:58that she had not over his future
0:40:00it was a total may September reverse
0:40:04sexual the the reverse of what you
0:40:09normally think of as the sexual dynamics
0:40:11power dynamics is she really had me not
0:40:15exactly under her thumb but if I step
0:40:17that allowed chi she applied sort of
0:40:21pressure and she was a tiny little pixie
0:40:22of a gal and but had no compunction
0:40:26about like giving me the giving me the
0:40:29business
0:40:30bring me the riot act what'd she say it
0:40:32overtly or was like wow you know
0:40:34three-ring binders can have papers fall
0:40:36out like well yeah exactly that type of
0:40:39thing and one time called my mom she
0:40:41couldn't get ahold of me
0:40:42oh that is so creepy called my mom was
0:40:44like this is John's guidance counselor
0:40:46I'm concerned about his well-being
0:40:49do you know his whereabouts that's
0:40:52insane
0:40:53my mom you know god bless her just smell
0:40:56the fish richest melt smelled something
0:40:58fishy right away she was like what
0:41:01whoo-hoo
0:41:01this why are you calling me here and
0:41:04really gave her like kind of scared her
0:41:06in the opposite direction like this is
0:41:08highly inappropriate that type of thing
0:41:10and she never did that again but uh but
0:41:13yeah eventually the relationship ended
0:41:15kind of disastrously but not before not
0:41:20before all those papers have been filed
0:41:22let's just say I waited until all the
0:41:24paperwork has been filed and was stamped
0:41:27and sent off to the to the great
0:41:30warehouse in the sky but uh but you know
0:41:33it was a fairly was an eye-opening
0:41:36relationship for me as it as a young man
0:41:38because you know you're not you don't
0:41:40usually get into those kinds of scrapes
0:41:43you think you're the only one
0:41:45well I certainly was her her cause she
0:41:51mad she might have people behind other
0:41:53doors that year
0:41:54well she devoted a lot of time to me i
0:41:56did there wouldn't have been a lot of
0:41:57extra time for free time for her to have
0:41:59other undergraduates but um you think
0:42:04she did a lot of mentoring over the
0:42:05years she she certainly she certainly
0:42:07mentored me and a you know Marilyn I
0:42:10have to say as a young man I had a
0:42:12tremendous charisma which he gave with
0:42:15that unlike now now I think you would do
0:42:20it can you categorize me as a as a
0:42:23grotesquerie but at the time i was
0:42:26sitting in an unflattering office
0:42:28lighting you can really pull it off at
0:42:29the time I you know I used to wear
0:42:31sweaters a jauntily draped across my
0:42:35shoulders who huh
0:42:38I you know I was one of those guys that
0:42:39were Levi's that had been dyed a
0:42:42different color so they were just
0:42:44regular Levi's they were had a purple
0:42:47tint to yourself you're selling past the
0:42:49clothes I don't know how she could that
0:42:51I had a lot going on but anyway that's
0:42:54another example that John I mean what a
0:42:55fucking travesty that's ridiculous
0:42:57it's it was it was another in a long
0:43:00line of incidents or another in a long
0:43:03line of of a of happenings where I
0:43:08walked away saying well the next guy the
0:43:12next guy in her office is probably going
0:43:14to get
0:43:15he's probably going to get his bed
0:43:18short-sheeted because she just gave away
0:43:21the farm to me and you know the next kid
0:43:24that comes in is like I've got these
0:43:25transfer credits from wazoo and she's
0:43:28just like nope sorry
0:43:30start over so I I have to imagine that
0:43:34it's just it's not precisely like a
0:43:35sales kind of position but what credits
0:43:38they take it certainly going to affect
0:43:40the school's bottom line on some level
0:43:42I'm going to make this mercantil but if
0:43:44you take a ton of credit for stuff
0:43:45you're not only other undercutting your
0:43:47selling short me in a almost the true
0:43:50sense of the word you're selling short
0:43:51your own academic credentials but you're
0:43:54also harming revenue like she basically
0:43:56you should have gotten shit you should
0:43:58wait for two more years of school like a
0:44:00man right that's great that's ridiculous
0:44:03yeah that ought yeah it's super
0:44:06frustrating
0:44:07well especially especially since i
0:44:10didn't i ended up still didn't graduate
0:44:13yeah you don't you should do you should
0:44:15you should look her up on facebook and
0:44:16maybe maybe she can move a couple things
0:44:18around while which you know probably
0:44:20purple i do should be 55 or so
0:44:22well let's see i was 22 then and I'm 42
0:44:27now so she would be 58 that's a nice
0:44:30that's a nice time to hear the phone
0:44:31ring when you're 58 sure remember me
0:44:36died Levi's hey remember me
0:44:39mhm i don't know i think we would I
0:44:40think that if I think about the way we
0:44:43left it I think we would pick right back
0:44:44up where we stand outside our window
0:44:46with a boombox up i'm sure she kept her
0:44:51figure
0:44:52yeah too bad you couldn't the the
0:44:55amazing thing is that those people wield
0:44:57so much power the registrar and I mean
0:44:59the capital R registar school the person
0:45:01who headed up that whole administrative
0:45:03department looks like the girls at the
0:45:04DMV that you know the song alcohol gets
0:45:08the other gals the gals of the DMV is
0:45:12actually the last time i went to the DMV
0:45:14yeah every single person I dealt with
0:45:16was a guy you sure absolutely positive
0:45:20food and make them do all the work
0:45:23there was there was there was a whole
0:45:26string of guys but then i was getting at
0:45:29that top-secret driver's license so what
0:45:34you're getting at
0:45:35no wait a minute was there more
0:45:37favoritism for you here I got a
0:45:38top-secret driver's license I didn't
0:45:40tell you about this driver's license and
0:45:42I got let's follow up on I'm gonna hear
0:45:44but tell me about that they got driver's
0:45:46license is now in washington state that
0:45:47function as like set as a like junior
0:45:53varsity passports so you can cross over
0:45:57land any over land border into America
0:45:59from Canada or Mexico plus any arrival
0:46:04in America from a ship if you're on
0:46:06board a ship this sounds so made up
0:46:10no no Andy state government is allowed
0:46:12to give you federal clearance
0:46:14yeah you can use this driver's license
0:46:16now the game is not that is not real if
0:46:19you arrive if you arrive either by land
0:46:22or by sea it sounds like something you'd
0:46:24buy on like a sheet of like like scored
0:46:26Avery sheets like a cheap business cards
0:46:28come up but just that sounds ridiculous
0:46:30it's a real thing and it's good that my
0:46:32the driver's license is embedded with
0:46:34all those biometric information and
0:46:37let's not forget setting but that's what
0:46:39he said and they make me carry it in a
0:46:41in a tin foil chief so that people can't
0:46:45scan it when I walked through public
0:46:48places
0:46:49also it's got a Darth Vader like this
0:46:50letter heart-rending are fit on it and
0:46:53they're like no you gotta carry in this
0:46:54to file tin foil wallet small wallet now
0:46:57catch I really sincerely hope this is
0:47:00true and washington state is I think the
0:47:02first state or the only state that has
0:47:04the special advanced driver's license
0:47:06and it was a real watershed moment for
0:47:08me as a citizen because for many years I
0:47:11didn't have any government ID at all and
0:47:14I i issued citizenship know you're born
0:47:19in the United States and then because I
0:47:21because I did not want to be complicit
0:47:22in all the and all the master nations of
0:47:27citizenship I don't shoot frustrating it
0:47:29makes what makes you frustrating is is
0:47:31not only that you get off easy on this
0:47:33stuff but you do it by a fucking
0:47:35avoiding paperwork like everybody hates
0:47:37paperwork but somehow you've managed to
0:47:39come up cobble together this little
0:47:40broken lifestyle of yours
0:47:42based on talking to ladies on the phone
0:47:43and getting favors from people with
0:47:45pixie cuts i have no idea this is
0:47:47everything you're describing is
0:47:48completely inscrutable you get a special
0:47:50license in attend sheath fucking
0:47:53Washington really like before you sing
0:47:55before Virginia gets that
0:47:57yeah you tell me Washington gets that
0:47:58yeah there's any state if there's any
0:48:00state just two states that you get that
0:48:02Maryland and Virginia that would make
0:48:04sense because I know what's that
0:48:06senators yeah we don't we don't let them
0:48:09have them but Washington is way ahead is
0:48:13because the number of crossings in
0:48:15canada and the boat stuff we have a lot
0:48:16of crossing so we have a lot of boats at
0:48:18crossings but also we're just were more
0:48:20forward thinkers here so I went and I
0:48:23got this thing but they make you they
0:48:25make you go through all this extra extra
0:48:28blue because it's a because it's this
0:48:31official document because you have
0:48:32screen screening and stuff they screen
0:48:34you yeah yeah that yeah yeah yeah just
0:48:38doesn't make any sense because i kept so
0:48:40I kept everything because I didn't have
0:48:42an ID for so many years I used to get I
0:48:45just get picked up by the cops and they
0:48:46would they'd find out i had no idea and
0:48:49half the time they just chase me just
0:48:51let me loose but in any case in any case
0:48:55so I'm something I'm gonna find out how
0:48:57much this is true it's gonna be so sad
0:49:00I've been this line and they're scanning
0:49:02my eyes and they're taking these
0:49:04three-dimensional photos and they're
0:49:05saying like all now we're going to be
0:49:07able to the machines in airports are
0:49:10gonna be able to identify you by your
0:49:12you know by your biometric ality and I
0:49:15was standing there thinking like kind of
0:49:17going through all this stuff that I used
0:49:19to think was all big brother
0:49:22One World new world order you know like
0:49:26alien Overlord george bush / nice
0:49:32chillin the Trilateral Commission
0:49:35internationalist kind of stuff stuff
0:49:38that you only believe if you're smoking
0:49:40a lot of pot for not sleeping and the
0:49:42orb oh and I and here i am voluntarily
0:49:46submitted to all this new world order
0:49:48type of the type of extra
0:49:52extra data gathering and I just didn't
0:49:56mind it at all I just shrugged it off
0:49:57and I said that's right i'm not some i'm
0:50:01not some you know the retreat in taxi
0:50:04driver i'm a i'm a superspy i'm not a
0:50:10super spot but there's just so much
0:50:14wrong with that
0:50:15I you know and I so so maybe the
0:50:18administrative first thing about
0:50:19everything we're describing it all
0:50:20involves some kind of intervention or
0:50:22ignorance or other stuff mostly
0:50:25intervention in ignorance on behalf of
0:50:26someone who's basically a bureaucrat
0:50:28think about all those things where you
0:50:30have no business being cleared for
0:50:32anything that doesn't make a lick of
0:50:33sense
0:50:34I don't know how you got a loan that
0:50:35doesn't make any sense I just an evening
0:50:36of sitting around with you would tell
0:50:38somebody that you are not qualified to
0:50:40to have the keys to anything that's the
0:50:42terrible i dunno my credit scores it's
0:50:44like 840 is that good I think so
0:50:47ok but it's weird I mean it's so we have
0:50:51the registrar school there's a librarian
0:50:53the librarian was also the person a new
0:50:54college was the person who also
0:50:56inspected your physical thesis to decide
0:51:00whether is it affected your physical
0:51:02thesis
0:51:04yes speculum worse worse because you had
0:51:08to turn into copies of your thesis right
0:51:10it could be there is the version that
0:51:12had been cleared by your committee and
0:51:14your sponsor after baccalaureate but
0:51:16you're done right good to go and make
0:51:18two copies of itself via Jenkins is out
0:51:20the injections remember her name
0:51:22oh I'll never fucking forget her name I
0:51:25never forget the name of any
0:51:26administrator who crosses me that all
0:51:27right here a few drunken of the Jenkins
0:51:30bigley and and so-and-so since she would
0:51:33inspect it every single graduate that
0:51:36wasn't me there's like I think slick
0:51:38some like 60 people in my graduating
0:51:40class hundred people and different you
0:51:42mean she would sit there with a ruler to
0:51:45measure the margins because one of those
0:51:48copies was bound and and put in you know
0:51:50they keep a thesis on file looks like
0:51:52but I want to try to get at is the
0:51:54administrator bureaucrat that worked for
0:51:56the parent University of my 500-person
0:51:59school was in a position to decide who
0:52:01was going to graduate from the Florida
0:52:03honors college based on her little
0:52:05drugstore
0:52:06ruler so if you didn't do anything wrong
0:52:08do anything wrong if you were like an
0:52:10eighth of an inch or 16th of an inch
0:52:12over on this one-page letter printed a
0:52:14little bit that you get out of the
0:52:15drawer over and start over and start
0:52:16over
0:52:17now luckily now and I was just coming up
0:52:19in the age of the computer so this was
0:52:21most of us were I mean I brought my mac
0:52:23everybody did but I mean the five hours
0:52:26before was all typewritten on a selected
0:52:28well you know dr. Bates she said that if
0:52:31you had more than actually know the
0:52:34thesis guidelines were if you had more
0:52:36than three erasers or corrections on a
0:52:38page you had to retype it and so take
0:52:40the bait if you took databases class
0:52:42like three years before i had arrived
0:52:44there you would have she would make you
0:52:45redo the whole paper if she made a
0:52:47correction on it you have to turn it
0:52:48back in this is so in like the early
0:52:50eighties people had to retype 20 page
0:52:52papers
0:52:53rawr seriously that's about 25 page that
0:52:55runs into serious dough but it's just
0:52:57like he's all trying to say is this john
0:52:58whether it is your testicle this man at
0:53:01the DMV whether it is the idiot is scan
0:53:04your eyes and gave you the clear pass
0:53:05you know whether it is
0:53:07yeah the this whole like family so
0:53:10broken people who let you leave the
0:53:12building at all in high school and in
0:53:14these people who are who are letting you
0:53:16throw in the script these are all
0:53:17bureaucrats and administrators the
0:53:20person decides to pull out a line the
0:53:21TSA person bureaucrats bureaucrats all
0:53:23bureaucrats isn't it insane how much you
0:53:26got brakes
0:53:28well I still want a bureaucrat decided
0:53:30or however you could be thwarted you can
0:53:31be thwarted at any time by a bureaucrat
0:53:33interrupting your anti bureaucratic
0:53:35rains I hurt your anti bureaucratic and
0:53:37get some water if you if you ever travel
0:53:40to any of the former Eastern Bloc
0:53:43countries but particularly the ones in
0:53:47the sort of belarus ukraine bulgaria
0:53:52romania orbit you and and let's be
0:53:57honest idea when you will very very
0:54:00quickly and I an exempt Poland and the
0:54:03Czech Republic from typical this all
0:54:05those hope slovakia i think is in this
0:54:07category hungary not i don't have a
0:54:10single acquaintance male female or
0:54:12otherwise who like saying the name of
0:54:14Eastern Bloc countries the way that you
0:54:15do but in any case if it's a satellite
0:54:18country John's going to mention
0:54:19remaining I don't have any friends ever
0:54:22said the word romania except for you
0:54:24well remaining is a wonderful place let
0:54:27me highly recommended except for this
0:54:29one thing which is that the
0:54:31bureaucracies in those countries have
0:54:34completely broken down and when you when
0:54:37you travel to places like that and you
0:54:39see what it is like when people are
0:54:41living in a you know in a world without
0:54:43bureaucracies who you realize the
0:54:45bureaucracies are what separate us from
0:54:47the beasts that that in in these places
0:54:51where where a car either corruption is
0:54:54rampant who or where the system is
0:54:57broken down totally and it's just a sort
0:55:00of it he is years cultures go-go's
0:55:03Farrell he realized that oh my god the
0:55:07recourse to the law that bureaucracies
0:55:10allow us that we can avail ourselves of
0:55:14these multiple layers of even if you
0:55:17have to fill out a thousand forms just
0:55:19the fact that you'd that the form is
0:55:22there and that at a certain point you
0:55:25have some hope that someone will read
0:55:27the forum and feel obligated by their
0:55:29job to take the form seriously to
0:55:33consider your problem
0:55:36it is such a gift you will have to bribe
0:55:39bribe your alderman to go and find out
0:55:41which person probably lost it right or
0:55:43you don't have to bribe the you don't
0:55:44have to bribe the people to pick up your
0:55:46garbage you don't you mean there are
0:55:48places in the Eastern Bloc is full of
0:55:50this where you're walking down the
0:55:51street and you like everywhere isn't
0:55:52true in like a in the Central America
0:55:55and Mexico anything like some places it
0:55:57varies it varies but it's particularly
0:55:59it's particularly noticeable in these
0:56:01places because there used to be such a
0:56:03tremendous bureaucracy people relied on
0:56:06the bureaucracy for everything and then
0:56:08the bureaucracy went away and people
0:56:11don't have the self reliance or they
0:56:14don't have the they're not they don't
0:56:16have been they did there isn't a sense
0:56:19of like well if I sweep in front of my
0:56:21store and the guy next to me sweeps in
0:56:24front of his store then we have at least
0:56:27a clean sidewalk for the for the front
0:56:30of these two stores and that'll help
0:56:33business people will come our customers
0:56:36will come in the sidewalks will be swept
0:56:37you know the in these places where that
0:56:40mentality that the word bureaucracies
0:56:43took care of all of that for four
0:56:44decades and then went away
0:56:47there's just a sense of like the the
0:56:48future sense of futility pervades the
0:56:52whole culture so it's you get these
0:56:54people they're like well why should I
0:56:55sweep in front of my store
0:56:56what good will it do like when you start
0:56:59sweeping in front of your store maybe
0:57:00the guy next to you will sweep in front
0:57:01of his door and they they look at you
0:57:03like you're crazy and go well no if I
0:57:05sweep in front of my store that i'm a
0:57:07sucker now the guy next to me is just
0:57:09going to sweep his garbage over here you
0:57:11see you see missing manhole covers
0:57:13throughout that area and you know it in
0:57:16Central America or whatever you know a
0:57:18lot of a lot of the rural areas you know
0:57:21they don't have that they aren't built
0:57:24to the same sort of urban standard that
0:57:28you'll find in Kiev but we walk down the
0:57:31street and all the manhole covers are
0:57:33missing you like what happened this is
0:57:34incredibly dangerous like you can fall
0:57:37into one of these and and get hurt
0:57:39well yeah but the but the the the
0:57:42manhole cover itself was worth a certain
0:57:45amount of scrap metal and somebody just
0:57:49grabbed it and there wasn't anybody to
0:57:51replace it and so you just got open
0:57:54manhole covers all over the place like
0:57:57talk about really having to watch where
0:57:59you walk and it's because whoever's job
0:58:02it is up the up the line at the Ministry
0:58:04of missing manhole covers that person
0:58:07doesn't feel like there's no penalty
0:58:10when he doesn't go out and replace them
0:58:13because there's no form to fill out to
0:58:16say the manhole cover in front of my
0:58:18store is missing line and then the the
0:58:20guy it is theoretically if this exists
0:58:23if there's a bureau of manhole cover
0:58:25replacement comes out here budget comes
0:58:27out of his budget
0:58:28he's got a process the form that you
0:58:30know 332 stroke dear whatever and
0:58:33replacing Malcolm that's gonna come out
0:58:34his budget he might be selling those
0:58:36himself for the melt value absolutely so
0:58:39so uh it's not very much
0:58:43you don't spend very much time in places
0:58:44where the bureaucracy doesn't work
0:58:47to come back here and thank God for that
0:58:49stack of forms but more than the stack
0:58:51of forms thank God for the for the
0:58:54moment the many levels of administration
0:58:57that always are almost always end
0:59:02somewhere where there is accountability
0:59:03ultimately there's a person whose job
0:59:07really is at stake
0:59:09who will hold everyone else accountable
0:59:12so that the people don't just take your
0:59:14form and say that's nice and they like
0:59:17their cigar with it
0:59:18yeah now they're ultimately even if it's
0:59:23your Congressman yeah ultimately you can
0:59:26ready reach your Congressman John it's I
0:59:28mean it's yes it's that is certainly
0:59:30better i would just like to say that for
0:59:31somebody who didn't graduate from
0:59:32college you are an extremely articulate
0:59:34apologist for for bureaucracy but
0:59:36believe ticket to the congressman like
0:59:38you gotta be you gotta know if you you
0:59:40gotta be like John rather he got no Ted
0:59:42Stevens well I don't you just walked in
0:59:43there and go we want a new manhole cover
0:59:45you don't want you don't waltz into a
0:59:47congressman's office absolutely not you
0:59:48say I demand satisfaction brought in
0:59:51there but know what I mean if you are a
0:59:53dedicated letter-writer you can
0:59:55accomplish a lot in the world
0:59:57what what what people like us
0:59:57what what what people like us
1:00:00don't want to go to the to the Father
1:00:02who we are often we often feel for
1:00:05dinner frustrated and people that don't
1:00:07have the education to know or to be able
1:00:10to compose a letter or toward to know
1:00:13that that is possible they also are
1:00:16kinda disadvantage but this is over
1:00:18helps to be like your sister
1:00:20old people are like your sister is great
1:00:22customer service in the sense that they
1:00:24have nothing better to do and and done
1:00:26that she's like this necessarily but
1:00:28they will grind you down and they will
1:00:30they will follow up on the phone call
1:00:32they will stay on hold they can do their
1:00:34they could do watch their stories while
1:00:36they're on hold not to talk about the
1:00:37Tea Party is this is why they have been
1:00:40so tremendously successful they don't
1:00:42represent a majority of Americans but
1:00:44they are made up entirely of people that
1:00:46are willing to write 1,000 letters to
1:00:50their congressmen and their local
1:00:53alderman these are the people that are
1:00:54willing to learn Robert's Rules of Order
1:00:57and disrupt town meetings and ultimately
1:01:01the reason that they have power is that
1:01:04in America there is a process by which
1:01:06the elected office holders are
1:01:09accountable the bureaucrats are
1:01:11accountable the system actually for all
1:01:14of its for all of its waste is
1:01:17incredibly effective relative to like
1:01:23almost anywhere else in the so glad you
1:01:26don't know my phone number because you
1:01:27would be texting me i would just say you
1:01:30know what I'm done here because you're
1:01:31wrong i'm done here
1:01:32well you're not completely wrong but
1:01:34like so many things that's the problem
1:01:35is that you're at your most wrong
1:01:37there's so many things where you can
1:01:38truly help people i know what you think
1:01:40you taught me this might mean you taught
1:01:42me this it sounds like something you
1:01:43would say well what kind of thing you
1:01:45are well that are that when you go
1:01:48somewhere you learn a lot about what
1:01:52made the city beat built yeah right
1:01:55somewhere else i think you said this and
1:01:56other mountains are the water like oh
1:01:58it's because of the railroad that's why
1:01:59this town exists or like so now I've
1:02:01learned that anytime something is near
1:02:02water there's probably a pretty good
1:02:04chance that they decided to you know put
1:02:07the steaks down there because that would
1:02:09be a good place and where they stayed
1:02:10there was that would be a good place for
1:02:12trips to come into or something like
1:02:14that right is that none of that was
1:02:16probably you right that's and that is a
1:02:18theory that are not a theory that is a
1:02:19principle that I use all the time it's
1:02:23you know once you learn that about what
1:02:25you ve you take that it is blown my
1:02:27curiosity up and I have to be honest
1:02:28with you it is totally changed
1:02:30everything they never taught me and my
1:02:31stupid high school that one paragraph
1:02:33has made asking questions about things
1:02:35so much more interesting to me and what
1:02:37i recommend to people is that it if they
1:02:39if you start with your city and you look
1:02:42at your city in the context of of the
1:02:45geography and the way the city interacts
1:02:49with the with the whatever waterway it
1:02:51is that is the main waterway where the
1:02:54railroads come in where the you know
1:02:56where the natural resources and the well
1:02:59I mean in our communication services guy
1:03:01has a million this could be where they
1:03:02built the chips like what you know what
1:03:04I mean like where is not just that where
1:03:05the ship's came in but in our case you
1:03:07know when they blew all the Japanese
1:03:09people out of what was called in
1:03:10japantown they moved in all the
1:03:12african-american folks to work in the
1:03:14shipbuilding factories they just they
1:03:16just basically took stuff out of
1:03:17people's houses and move factory workers
1:03:19in there and they had a really nice
1:03:20lucrative lifestyle for a few years and
1:03:22then it became basically get out
1:03:24it's this is how you learn about a town
1:03:25it's the fuck you at one o'clock in the
1:03:28morning if you go if you go down to
1:03:31where they take the containers off the
1:03:32ship and put them on the trucks and you
1:03:34watch the trucks head out into the night
1:03:37you and you imagine what's on those
1:03:39containers and used you start to see the
1:03:43way that's San Francisco for instance
1:03:45the role in San Francisco plays in the
1:03:47in a life of the nation you know that
1:03:51that San Francisco is really an organ
1:03:54that is pumping pumping pumping
1:03:57out into the out into the rest of the
1:04:00country over and that at that you know
1:04:04that it's really a robust system but
1:04:07also very fragile system you know any
1:04:09one of those little aspects can fall
1:04:13apart and this is why when you listen to
1:04:15truck drivers complain about fuel costs
1:04:18you know you can you can strike is very
1:04:21boring truck right Boyle buddy peak oil
1:04:24truck drivers complaining about fuel
1:04:26costs
1:04:26those guys are right at the you know
1:04:29that look up by councillor in the peak
1:04:31oil I can't even look at me upset i
1:04:32don't want to look up counselor
1:04:33counselor counselor want to look up
1:04:36counselor customizable and no one's left
1:04:38on such a little over the top but I'm
1:04:39just saying it's if we have gotten close
1:04:41to getting most of the oil out there's
1:04:43not gonna be a walmart but listen I'm if
1:04:45you don't want to talk about tea party
1:04:46i'm not going to talk about people you
1:04:47understand that everything in that
1:04:49walmart is made out of plastic that is
1:04:52because of cheap oil it was brought
1:04:53there because of trucks that are running
1:04:55cheap oil but most importantly they came
1:04:57from China on a giant asked ship that
1:05:02was running cheap oil even before that
1:05:04even before that stupid try even leave
1:05:07China out of it i mean just just for
1:05:09practice chop a tree down and turn it
1:05:12into boards have moved the boards and
1:05:14build a house your you got there is a
1:05:17half a dozen different people in between
1:05:19the yeah but you get your price for the
1:05:21wood if you know what I mean I'm saying
1:05:22that if I work with Walmart will you bet
1:05:24you will
1:05:25and if you work with Walmart you know
1:05:27you can go read lots of liberal
1:05:28magazines about this your prices have to
1:05:30go down every year when you work with
1:05:31one more
1:05:32you can't afford to be there you let you
1:05:34know this mystery has been true for
1:05:36snapper it was true for Vlasic is true
1:05:38that Levi's snapper used to be the
1:05:40premium brand of lon Moore that you
1:05:42could buy they decided not to go to
1:05:44walmart because walmart makes you create
1:05:46an entire product line just for them so
1:05:48when Levi's went into walmart they
1:05:50couldn't repurpose any of their existing
1:05:52product lines they had to create new
1:05:54product lines just for you sign up
1:05:56alas no matter walmart oh no but here's
1:05:58the thing plastic glass expected 20
1:06:00years trying to like get you to
1:06:01understand that if you buy these premium
1:06:03pickles in the fucking refrigerator
1:06:04section it's worth paying more because
1:06:06it's really good
1:06:07you people use a very crisp it's got a
1:06:09fucking stork you now go to an end cap
1:06:11and you can get like a 5-gallon bucket
1:06:14of fucking pickles for 20 seconds
1:06:16let me tell you my experience I've only
1:06:17been in Shu loyal John cheap oil i went
1:06:21to a walmart in Florida one time
1:06:23me too it's a 24 hour walmart and that's
1:06:26three o'clock in the morning was full of
1:06:27family shopping kids
1:06:29yep a lot of lot of women with five kids
1:06:31that's when they get off work I I ran
1:06:33out of that walmart screaming but the
1:06:35second time I went to a warmonger was on
1:06:36my birthday was in like new mexico and
1:06:40I'm walking through the walking through
1:06:42the walmart I'm just taking it all in
1:06:44and there is a poster in there like I
1:06:52you know I admittedly it was in their
1:06:53kids section proposed four walls poster
1:06:57of tinkerbell the beloved disney
1:07:01character the disagreeable little minx
1:07:05tinkerbell in this poster of tinkerbell
1:07:10she's she's flying because she's a
1:07:13sprite but she's looking over her
1:07:16shoulder at you and she's got her little
1:07:19took us pointed at you and the way her
1:07:24little feathered skirt is arranged you
1:07:28can kind of it's like you're looking up
1:07:31the back of her skirt and her little
1:07:33pixie if it's very apps Kurt a little
1:07:36fairy upskirt shot God and I find that
1:07:39so hot that is so fucked up if you look
1:07:41at Tinker Bell's face you see that she's
1:07:46got a kind of you know she's blonde
1:07:48right because because why not
1:07:51but she's got a very long nose she's got
1:07:54a very she's very Judaic looking little
1:07:58pixie when you look at her closely
1:08:00she looks like a blonde friend drescher
1:08:03she's a she's a kind of jewy little
1:08:07pixie and she's got this big-ass that
1:08:10she's like pushing out if she's not
1:08:12Italian like northern Italian well I
1:08:15mean there's some wiggle room there
1:08:17northern plains but she's also got junk
1:08:18in the trunk she might she might get
1:08:20from the trunk
1:08:21I'm feeling though just get given like
1:08:23the proclivities of of the Hollywood
1:08:26animators of that era
1:08:28I'm thinking she's a Jewess I'm thinking
1:08:30she's an Ashkenazi in Europe little
1:08:33little little little flying bug and this
1:08:37post her
1:08:38is it like a dollar ninety-nine this
1:08:42fantastic piece of art and I was my
1:08:47birthday i bought it for myself and I
1:08:51carried it around on this tour I put on
1:08:54the dashboard man up and everybody in
1:08:57the band was like what's that I was like
1:08:59don't touch that don't look at I never
1:09:02told me that daddy's Judith's I never
1:09:04told my mother was I just drove around
1:09:06on the rest of the tour with this thing
1:09:08on the dashboard I got home and and i
1:09:11put it up on the wall and although all
1:09:15the women that come over to the house
1:09:16they're all are you looking at it just
1:09:20now what you're describing it but no no
1:09:22i haven't memorized haha
1:09:25[Music]