Roderick on the Line

Ep. 14: "Big City Apology"

 

  hello hi John how are you I'm Merlyn [TS]

  John Roderick yesterday [TS]

  Marilyn ma'am I'm and I'm i notice my [TS]

  I've got like a perfect storm of nose [TS]

  right now I'm trying to sniff i hear [TS]

  myself sniffing because of the allergies [TS]

  and now on top of it [TS]

  I some kind of like a Drivetime DJ don't [TS]

  listen to you you're all of you feel [TS]

  around that's about 28 minutes before [TS]

  the hour of 7mm here on cue 1074 I you [TS]

  know I turned up my my headphones and [TS]

  now i'm i'm racing over here to turn [TS]

  them down but I understand completely [TS]

  ok let's do some deep cuts yeah yeah [TS]

  you're right heat was i I like this see [TS]

  right here is one of those bands like [TS]

  bending his attaché guys gold earring [TS]

  holder golden earring like there's an [TS]

  antique and antiqued know there's a [TS]

  there's a much greater difference [TS]

  between antique and antiqued what about [TS]

  golden isn't that like saying chocolaty [TS]

  and so it's a weasel word that Colton in [TS]

  touch [TS]

  is that right a visual verbal here's the [TS]

  levees don't make fun don't you see [TS]

  you're already ping-pong like 30 seconds [TS]

  it well man I some stop what you're [TS]

  doing some really good you do that good [TS]

  to him but you know what i mean here's [TS]

  the thing on I'm gonna take some phlegm [TS]

  up in my nails are you think oh wait [TS]

  that down i definitely will come back to [TS]

  the flames because i had I'm got a new [TS]

  kind of payment cards when I noticed you [TS]

  you're helping someone on twitter by [TS]

  explaining that format does involve them [TS]

  well ya see I want people to understand [TS]

  that well you know the thing I really [TS]

  want people don't even sleeping be [TS]

  honest I have a little high I want [TS]

  people to understand the googles their [TS]

  friend and that if they if they don't [TS]

  understand something that they can look [TS]

  looking solid john-john that should just [TS]

  be my bio like I had to tell us in my [TS]

  family and everybody like I [TS]

  and a card what was discarded he's there [TS]

  I'm like I don't ever said when you [TS]

  think I've never said anything including [TS]

  including copying right-to-left Hebrew [TS]

  words I've never said anything on [TS]

  Twitter the cheapest you couldn't google [TS]

  yeah right well there's nothing you [TS]

  can't google but when I was when I was [TS]

  born my parents bought a set of [TS]

  encyclopedias for the year that i was [TS]

  born right 1968 the tumultuous year for [TS]

  our insecurities it was a big year i was [TS]

  born during the johnson administration [TS]

  in the waning days of what America was [TS]

  great you were born during the waning [TS]

  Johnson's mr. i was born at the very [TS]

  tail end of the Johnson that's like [TS]

  about his pants and his balls down when [TS]

  I was a kid what was that was one of the [TS]

  things that you did on a Saturday [TS]

  afternoon or at least one of the things [TS]

  i did no one did it with me but you see [TS]

  he would sit indian-style in front of [TS]

  the encyclopedias and pull them out and [TS]

  don't wanna a you know a little uh a [TS]

  chase through the books right you start [TS]

  reading something and then you find [TS]

  something you don't understand you pull [TS]

  another book out and figure out what the [TS]

  thing was that you didn't understand the [TS]

  last entry some pretty soon you get 10 [TS]

  encyclopedias all open a different pages [TS]

  by who didn't do that that was a that [TS]

  was the thing in the sixties and [TS]

  seventies that I mean that was what [TS]

  encyclopedias were for the floor before [TS]

  Edgar Rice Burroughs and transformers I [TS]

  think this is you talk to your pal [TS]

  Hodgman about this i'm telling you every [TS]

  nerd started out doing exactly that thin [TS]

  bones and asthma you just gonna sit [TS]

  there and you're going oh other kids [TS]

  were put were throwing balls or [TS]

  something and and and there's nothing I [TS]

  like better than a rainy afternoon [TS]

  sitting in front of the other in front [TS]

  of the books so what we wearing you have [TS]

  a special outfit at that time I didn't [TS]

  have a idea had a pair of orange denim [TS]

  jeans and a shirt [TS]

  not coincidentally or were probably [TS]

  coincidentally a a baseball shirt that [TS]

  had remember when they when they first [TS]

  developed the technology where they [TS]

  could photo they could print a photo [TS]

  so on a t-shirt was huge i'm not sure [TS]

  about an iron-on i'm talking about that [TS]

  printed photo in right fabric somehow [TS]

  and it was a photo of a baseball game [TS]

  but the sleeves were also orange so it [TS]

  was a matches a photo of a baseball game [TS]

  oh yeah so some guy hitting up hitting a [TS]

  baseball out of the park it wasn't [TS]

  stylized know it was a photograph [TS]

  hmm it looks like that's the [TS]

  sartorialist version of Gutenberg that's [TS]

  huge leap forward before that everything [TS]

  we're just doing doing fucking [TS]

  hieroglyphics on clothes [TS]

  what changed everything people were [TS]

  sewing letters on people were sewing [TS]

  like little fabric letters that said [TS]

  King talk to King Tut's hurricanes or [TS]

  whatever I was huge i was general derail [TS]

  this but I was huge on the iron a shirt [TS]

  with my name on the shoulders i was [TS]

  really sure because you had a killer [TS]

  name is and i can't imagine being an [TS]

  eight-year-old kid with the name Merlin [TS]

  Muro Muro Beckett husband haha oh girl [TS]

  well yeah this is blowing my mind the [TS]

  front would be that famous shot you know [TS]

  this awesome lego star wars first came [TS]

  out had to me this is still star wars in [TS]

  my head to my head Star Wars is like the [TS]

  Millennium fucking in the movie and it's [TS]

  those a few handful of pictures that you [TS]

  saw everywhere right and remember had [TS]

  star wars at-at like a 45 degree angle [TS]

  and then there's a black and white [TS]

  border around it and middle there's a [TS]

  picture of chewy and Han Solo with [TS]

  blasters you don't even remember this is [TS]

  the one where hhonors concept the [TS]

  blaster and he's he's kinda he's holding [TS]

  Princess Leia behind him as he shoots [TS]

  down so it's kind of hot [TS]

  oh that's what I'm saying that was [TS]

  probably the hardest thing i could I had [TS]

  that with my 77 Merle on the back and I [TS]

  believe my age being 10 always had my h0 [TS]

  10 but let the work you up [TS]

  I'm so sorry to derail you so you don't [TS]

  know you're curious like the media in [TS]

  orange and said Merle Haggard's real [TS]

  name is Merlin I don't I think that's at [TS]

  the acc from Bakersfield is that correct [TS]

  no moral Hagar's from you sure i don't [TS]

  know any place we google that but my [TS]

  sense is not going to see actually [TS]

  from Bakersfield uh buck owens is pretty [TS]

  well associated with Baker's whistles [TS]

  more Haggard he's like number tune after [TS]

  i'm sorry/not number two that's not [TS]

  that's not right that with that dawn now [TS]

  help me out dawn [TS]

  oh my god John I think my starts moving [TS]

  down noisy star player in the harmony in [TS]

  the buckaroos the due to record songs [TS]

  died in a motorcycle crash ruined uh [TS]

  bucks life [TS]

  dawn can break in my room oh what's his [TS]

  name but I think merle haggard is from [TS]

  Oklahoma are you not familiar with the [TS]

  buckaroos I cannot freely with buckle [TS]

  ones are you just you just kind of [TS]

  comeback by are you doing like some kind [TS]

  of wait wait don't tell me think we're [TS]

  just act like you know what you're [TS]

  talking about [TS]

  yes I am i I'm familiar with phones in [TS]

  the buckaroos but the but the background [TS]

  God back battaile buckaroos are just [TS]

  some guys in some suits don't i don't [TS]

  know i don't know individual buckaroo [TS]

  that's like saying Peter chris is just a [TS]

  drunk with some pearl drums he's [TS]

  actually a lot like that apparently he's [TS]

  barely just a front I don't know why [TS]

  don't put him on a stool don't want to [TS]

  stool with no arms or back it just seems [TS]

  like a terrible idea [TS]

  Peter Criss was just in that band for [TS]

  the interview sessions because he was [TS]

  using the time tonight you ever seen the [TS]

  Tom Snyder interview you know here's my [TS]

  thing with kiss okay [TS]

  oh boy ok ok kiss I i devoted i devoted [TS]

  a week from small amount of my attention [TS]

  to kiss in 1977 tonight probably 77 with [TS]

  both that simply 677 they already jumped [TS]

  the shark by then this is probably [TS]

  destroy this is when they were already [TS]

  on the way down [TS]

  I was eight there was some part of me [TS]

  that that but that had one eye on kiss [TS]

  because it seemed like maybe that's the [TS]

  direction that being it but being an [TS]

  adult was going to take going to [TS]

  actually I'm sorry Dante Kathy actually [TS]

  clear at the age of nine you have a [TS]

  metal reaction to kiss that involves [TS]

  keeping an eye on them for the bedroom [TS]

  for the cultural relevance to keep an [TS]

  eye on but I had another ion Queen [TS]

  didn't know which way it was gonna go [TS]

  and i think it went [TS]

  I think I was right to follow queen [TS]

  absolutely but from that time from 77 [TS]

  I have not given one flying fuck about [TS]

  kiss and when Chris came back in [TS]

  nineteen ninety whatever and all my [TS]

  peers were like that they pulled out all [TS]

  their kiss army patches and they started [TS]

  waxing you know philosophical about how [TS]

  important kiss was I absolutely would [TS]

  not cross the street to save kiss from a [TS]

  fire and and time now it's probably [TS]

  fires started by Gene Simmons spilling [TS]

  it was a fire that caused intentionally [TS]

  started to get my attention and i would [TS]

  i would not watch i would not invite a [TS]

  couple of water i would not walk over [TS]

  and throw it on the fire that was [TS]

  burning kiss I don't do anything to stop [TS]

  me from helping people about kiss i just [TS]

  like to have to literally two bullets on [TS]

  this that I think you should at least [TS]

  consider I'm not trying to change your [TS]

  mind i'm trying to change anything [TS]

  number 12 in guitar attack number two in [TS]

  it for the money to that was just our [TS]

  deck have yet to tell tell me seriously [TS]

  right now that the hell could finish [TS]

  your thought on keeping one eye on this [TS]

  while I think about literally everything [TS]

  else go ahead know haha [TS]

  are you about to are you about to be [TS]

  some kind of a problem with it really is [TS]

  that way it's gonna be [TS]

  if you took every cool riff and kiss and [TS]

  every cool solo and kiss and I like it a [TS]

  lot better once called legs up when [TS]

  ticket and come back to them down they [TS]

  would fit inside of my wallet alright [TS]

  then you have a big wall with a change [TS]

  you still have that under no I got rid [TS]

  of that it back problems haha it was I [TS]

  trying to do that with my backpack I was [TS]

  driving I was not the time i was driving [TS]

  what 300,000 miles a year whatever in [TS]

  that van and I was sitting on this wall [TS]

  that was the size of a I think much just [TS]

  did a hipster humblebrag I had to get [TS]

  rid of my I had to get rid of my [TS]

  bullshit trucker wallet because it was [TS]

  so fucking full of money that i couldn't [TS]

  drive my rockstar van [TS]

  it wasn't that it was full of money it's [TS]

  that I compulsively keep every receipt [TS]

  and also i need that money because i [TS]

  keep wearing out zippers from letting [TS]

  ladies for late me this is not a [TS]

  first-world problem here's here's what [TS]

  what happened when I have got can check [TS]

  your wallet [TS]

  you know i started using it as a purse [TS]

  and and one of the things that [TS]

  I thought I needed at a certain point [TS]

  was I needed the equivalent of twenty [TS]

  dollars in every one of the world's [TS]

  currencies folded into so i would take [TS]

  the bill when I would go to a country i [TS]

  would get the equivalent of twenty [TS]

  dollars in their local currency which [TS]

  you know in Turkey was like 20 million [TS]

  lira and i would take the building I [TS]

  would you know I would fuck crease it [TS]

  and fold it down until it was a little [TS]

  thing of the size of two Chiclets and [TS]

  then I would tuck the little bill inside [TS]

  one of the compartments in my chain [TS]

  wallet and after a couple years I had [TS]

  like probably had six hundred dollars [TS]

  worth of world currency probably i don't [TS]

  know i had a whole lot of different [TS]

  denomination so clearly you didn't need [TS]

  or choose to kind of kind of [TS]

  breakthrough there to take that the [TS]

  stuff you aren't using obviously didn't [TS]

  spend it [TS]

  it was it wasn't like it was sort of [TS]

  like a like a file drawer runners here's [TS]

  the thing is remember that scene in The [TS]

  Bourne the bourne the firstborn movie [TS]

  where he goes into the bank in [TS]

  Switzerland is that is stuff in a box [TS]

  step this stuff in the box [TS]

  I mean I know I knew that that's where [TS]

  this was going [TS]

  12 passports and stacks of money and all [TS]

  these different currencies why I I can't [TS]

  think of a thing that I want more than [TS]

  that [TS]

  including happiness and life including [TS]

  health I don't want healthy to have it [TS]

  or or like to have it in general or have [TS]

  it when you need it you're what you [TS]

  really want is to need it and then about [TS]

  that's exactly right i want to need it [TS]

  and then have it it's like a really good [TS]

  insurance we go [TS]

  oh yes fucking cancer and then finally [TS]

  getting I'm finally gonna see some roi [TS]

  on this bullshit [TS]

  yeah but my version of really good [TS]

  insurance is a safe deposit box in [TS]

  Geneva with a with a Glock and seven [TS]

  passports in the back that is I can't [TS]

  think of a thing that that wouldn't be [TS]

  the cure to which you remember who you [TS]

  are when you got it doesn't matter right [TS]

  you got a clock that means going to talk [TS]

  with you guys could be the problem [TS]

  that I that could be the thing that I'm [TS]

  the reason that i needed but in any case [TS]

  my version of that in and this is the [TS]

  thing about the where where my mind is [TS]

  like my version of that was that had a [TS]

  twenty-dollar bill from Slovakia and a [TS]

  twenty-dollar bill from Cuba in my [TS]

  wallet in case i woke up on a flight i [TS]

  woke up on a plane that was that had [TS]

  landed in Havana and I was like what am [TS]

  I gonna do I don't have any oh I do in [TS]

  fact i have 20 nice part is if you were [TS]

  to land in Istanbul and you you pull out [TS]

  your like housing redbrick sized wallet [TS]

  full of international currencies that [TS]

  would not seem suspicious at all [TS]

  oh I see you have what appears to be [TS]

  approximately twenty dollars in but in [TS]

  here with nothing were worried about [TS]

  please pass on through [TS]

  I don't even bother to check your ass [TS]

  for heroin come on in if I was the type [TS]

  of person who would sit backstage and [TS]

  try to impress a girl by like Oh check [TS]

  out all the different kinds of money i [TS]

  have in my wallet that would be probably [TS]

  one thing but I would never say never [TS]

  seen a tuppence at the time I didn't [TS]

  have any toppings but I did have yeah [TS]

  that you know the bank of scotland has [TS]

  their own pounds they make their own [TS]

  pounds it its it's tied to the british [TS]

  pound over there they don't have a [TS]

  different value but they just have [TS]

  different just it doesn't taste good you [TS]

  know to spend it it says bank of [TS]

  scotland on it and I had an English I'd [TS]

  English 20-pound bill and and a bank of [TS]

  scotland 20-pound bill through because I [TS]

  didn't want to be caught with my pants [TS]

  down in Scotland now youkilis and kilt [TS]

  up you don't want to get caught with [TS]

  your killed my wife's lipstick I we [TS]

  missed we missed a lot right before kiss [TS]

  I don't want to reel you please go ahead [TS]

  and look at the time I never told [TS]

  anybody that I had this money in my [TS]

  wallet was like my secret it has to be a [TS]

  secret that I used to be iced have a [TS]

  serious wallet problem i had layers and [TS]

  a stack of wallet problems [TS]

  first of all almost every wall i've [TS]

  owned up until 99 was silly i owned arm [TS]

  I mean the one that I had for a really [TS]

  really long time through high school and [TS]

  we mean not I didn't bring it to college [TS]

  but had am an unlicensed I Adam and the [TS]

  ants wallet again in nylon sports wallet [TS]

  no it was velcro hurts sure sure they'll [TS]

  grow [TS]

  hey you go to flea market by vocal [TS]

  fucking wallet it's not licensed [TS]

  exactly what do that yeah once I'm one [TS]

  time I went through the wash and my my [TS]

  mom at the time was still periodically [TS]

  doing my wash information that's what [TS]

  you're gonna see the difference between [TS]

  the construction of an unlicensed a man [TS]

  wallet that's right and proper and a and [TS]

  one from the i should i should help for [TS]

  the French army you know what I mean I i [TS]

  I'm so my wallets on sits on top of the [TS]

  dryer and I go out there and on a [TS]

  beautiful white towel is every single [TS]

  thing in my wallet like two dollars the [TS]

  i'm at my learner's permit you know but [TS]

  every like little card every little [TS]

  subway thing except for the really old [TS]

  condom she that was she had she [TS]

  apparently had noticed that rut roh yeah [TS]

  but you don't imagine being a lady and [TS]

  just knowing that there's a bunch of [TS]

  guys carrying around condoms that have [TS]

  been in a hot moist wallet 44 probably [TS]

  years I don't know what ladies let's [TS]

  discuss these dickless wonders like me [TS]

  carrying around a condom own if you know [TS]

  for a while you know I had a shuriken [TS]

  and carry with me too [TS]

  yeah so as that's really incompatible [TS]

  you should keep your schurken in your [TS]

  wallet is very small and not very sharp [TS]

  so that's going to take that to the [TS]

  analogy and catch it up [TS]

  wait a minute oh god is let me get my [TS]

  wallet [TS]

  argh i have a defense you get a minute [TS]

  can I have a minute wait a minute wait a [TS]

  minute is that is that that the logo for [TS]

  Adam and the ants shut up everything [TS]

  merle haggard was from Bakersfield [TS]

  well it's all part of the Bakersfield oh [TS]

  yeah we gotta come back to the buckaroos [TS]

  was named on something it just looked it [TS]

  up and i'll try i guess like about the [TS]

  sureness this week i'll try to be good [TS]

  this week um and put in places where you [TS]

  can find these things out and now I also [TS]

  want to point out that when i wrote or [TS]

  kiss i use the S special SS letters [TS]

  that's that that's basically the only [TS]

  good thing about kiss I God is the logo [TS]

  guitar tech nothing now the thing is [TS]

  when I got older and I understood a [TS]

  little more guitar about guitar I [TS]

  realized how much and I don't get in [TS]

  trouble with the kiss fans but how much [TS]

  he really was [TS]

  borrowing from jimmy page don't you [TS]

  think it's fair to say am I being unkind [TS]

  to say that is our garbage [TS]

  okay yeah i wasn't really the question [TS]

  but moving on to the next article i did [TS]

  just yesterday watch a video produced I [TS]

  was absolutely certain by some animals [TS]

  are a fan of the park [TS]

  absolutely certain it was made by [TS]

  someone in Germany which was a video [TS]

  comparing and contrasting the guitar [TS]

  playing talents of jimmy page and [TS]

  rainbows ritchie blackmore even if not [TS]

  even close [TS]

  well the video was conclusive that [TS]

  Ritchie Blackmore is I mean by far the [TS]

  better guitar player that's like meeting [TS]

  an autistic kid on the bus and who like [TS]

  this house better Beatles were ub40 and [TS]

  you're like oh I'm gonna guess where he [TS]

  goes yeah here's a tape you know [TS]

  okay thank you and that's exactly right [TS]

  that ritual is going to make that [TS]

  comparison let your side ritchie [TS]

  blackmore's by far the better guitar [TS]

  player but who cares because he's a far [TS]

  more tasteful guitar player i like his [TS]

  vibrato better i jimmy page's taste can [TS]

  sometimes be X cruel but but and also if [TS]

  you watch live performances of Jimmy [TS]

  totally sloppy not beyond sloppy [TS]

  I mean he's up there like car hiring [TS]

  behind why are dying because he's so [TS]

  gacked out on smack etcetera is that [TS]

  right did he do the heroin [TS]

  oh yeah he would see you know what's [TS]

  chasing the dragon is that what you [TS]

  smell something what are you doing [TS]

  chasing the dragon [TS]

  well you're looking for the Dragons [TS]

  treasure ok so you get a role for a [TS]

  Christmas problem yet but no trade [TS]

  chasing the dragon is that you are [TS]

  always trying to recapture the recapture [TS]

  the the initial high that you never are [TS]

  able to capture again I think you think [TS]

  that will walk out that I i think i know [TS]

  i think it's i think you're supposed to [TS]

  do something with aluminum foil and [TS]

  singing some Willy Wonka is not a drug [TS]

  that's not terrible and terrifying film [TS]

  again putting only a few corners right [TS]

  no drug person whatever say oh man I'm [TS]

  really chasing the Willy Wonka ya [TS]

  Alexander acting is like that and [TS]

  gilmore girls that the cable TV show [TS]

  number song um gold vs golden week I [TS]

  think I don't righteously not gonna have [TS]

  time today for flan slumbers who [TS]

  I finished so the beatles and paul i'm [TS]

  saving this one we don't have time for [TS]

  that scott miller i started talking [TS]

  about kids i'm throwing away you're done [TS]

  with that open sky I want to come back [TS]

  to I said bad words onto cards [TS]

  that's right the president johnson's [TS]

  balls o'clock in seven customers i would [TS]

  like to probably Johnson's balls were [TS]

  probably but each one the size of the [TS]

  size and the hardness and weight of a [TS]

  medicine ball I can see him being very [TS]

  inspirational to you [TS]

  Johnson yeah he got a really bad rap [TS]

  because the Vietnam yeah and when and he [TS]

  wasn't I mean he was a dick but he was [TS]

  like he was like the Steve Jobs of [TS]

  america back then you know he was eight [TS]

  you hear the stories like documentaries [TS]

  on him he's such a fascinating guy [TS]

  because he was such a whip-like he was [TS]

  so great it looks scaring the shit out [TS]

  of everybody to get them all in line for [TS]

  votes and stuff like that right right [TS]

  but unlike Steve Jobs not a completely [TS]

  autistic-like retard cowboy make it [TS]

  wider come high apologies [TS]

  so that's really classy that's very [TS]

  classy i'm also will because of [TS]

  apparently responses from people we [TS]

  should talk about my rule my teacher [TS]

  rule the rule for marriage and the rule [TS]

  for will be careful when you meet them [TS]

  when you finish that Don rich tone which [TS]

  by the way down which were looking for [TS]

  Don rich of the buckaroos vs golden i [TS]

  say this is like antique vs antiqued [TS]

  because a lot of people to understand [TS]

  the distinction I know you do but it's [TS]

  saying is very much like chocolate vs [TS]

  chocolatey you can't say that a lot of [TS]

  things golden chocolate vs chocolatey an [TS]

  antique vs antiqued and something is [TS]

  gold where they need to be golden arm [TS]

  what are you trying to say I think this [TS]

  is another Locker bark layer here this [TS]

  was that said this but now the if [TS]

  something's gold it's made out of gold [TS]

  but something is golden [TS]

  they don't have to be a light gold color [TS]

  that me like a gold in it right antique [TS]

  is something that's older than whatever [TS]

  75 years i think it's like copyright to [TS]

  keep changing every few years but used [TS]

  to be 75 years [TS]

  antique is where you make something look [TS]

  alright alright yeah I'm going so far [TS]

  all the singers like cocoa puffs or you [TS]

  know or frankenberry is not actually [TS]

  Frankenstein's and that they legally [TS]

  cannot say that because of our love a [TS]

  past I think he passed [TS]

  while back i think that you could you [TS]

  could make that golden golden comparison [TS]

  with a with a great many words [TS]

  absolutely i'm guessing you so Oh food [TS]

  you say it's not natural milk way I'm [TS]

  saying that milky like your eyes can be [TS]

  milky but there's no milk em a good [TS]

  point yeah okay way I like a Snickers [TS]

  there's no milk in the Milky Way here my [TS]

  face I think this is uh I think this is [TS]

  an english beat thing I think this is a [TS]

  way I'm thing when UK think i'll bet you [TS]

  in Dutch they were gonna show you when [TS]

  you came to differentiate them from the [TS]

  more famous American wham same deal as [TS]

  english beat they're called the beach in [TS]

  England but there's already a band [TS]

  called the beat in America so they had [TS]

  to be English be there is already a bank [TS]

  all wam in America they had to be when [TS]

  UK my thought on this John Rocker would [TS]

  like your opinion i think probably in [TS]

  Dutch they were known as gold earring or [TS]

  perhaps just gold jewelry and then they [TS]

  came here and found out that all of [TS]

  those iterations it's like buying a [TS]

  domain name they come over and they said [TS]

  you know what fuck you [TS]

  Dutch there's already a gold earring no [TS]

  because the Golden Earring first of all [TS]

  well first of all everyone in the [TS]

  Netherlands speaks English better than [TS]

  you or I do so when they named their [TS]

  band something that they don't have like [TS]

  a Dutch name for it and then they named [TS]

  if your band is called Golden Earring [TS]

  named that conditionally like the [TS]

  journalists it's not like the German [TS]

  it's not like guilt gildan my ring ger [TS]

  engines and it is but even the Germans [TS]

  like the Scorpions weren't named the [TS]

  Scorpions didn't have a que in their [TS]

  name in Germany and a/c in America [TS]

  they're always there was always spelled [TS]

  scorpions with the sea and i'm just [TS]

  guessing that they spell scorpion with [TS]

  AK and I think it's a definite article [TS]

  either i need to check that but i'm [TS]

  pretty sure it's just scorpions [TS]

  scorpions right but uh but no I think [TS]

  Golden Earring always from the very [TS]

  beginning [TS]

  well because their songs in English they [TS]

  they they intended to be intended to be [TS]

  big stars right they didn't like start [TS]

  out as well let's just play Dutch songs [TS]

  for Dutch friends they're like we're [TS]

  going we're going to the show is gonna [TS]

  be a limit on the run the reach that [TS]

  you're gonna get with just singing in [TS]

  Holland [TS]

  well let's say you could you'd be big in [TS]

  surinam [TS]

  is that a dozen places at a formerly [TS]

  from the former dutch colony of sir no [TS]

  sir does Keanu is just a touch of French [TS]

  and British write the three key honest [TS]

  there's one touch dr is certain on him [TS]

  what does Dutch Dutch Guiana became [TS]

  surinam know it was certain on and then [TS]

  became it looked it then it is called [TS]

  touchdown on because people find that [TS]

  easier to say than turn on him [TS]

  okay you know what bugs me I i really [TS]

  hate it on NPR when they say myanmar [TS]

  formerly known as Burma like this don't [TS]

  do that have fucking a yes like at what [TS]

  point like I'm deliberately avoiding NPR [TS]

  for all kinds of reasons these days but [TS]

  still they gonna say about sri lanka [TS]

  formerly known as ceylon have so many [TS]

  problems with Public Radio I just don't [TS]

  even know where to begin [TS]

  I you know at what point can you stop [TS]

  doing that [TS]

  I mean I don't listen to public radio [TS]

  because because a of this and so many [TS]

  other things so many are man people but [TS]

  people murmuring in my ear I don't want [TS]

  people murmuring you know what I mean no [TS]

  podcast site i'm starting to understand [TS]

  because the vast majority of podcast [TS]

  people are shouting or at least they're [TS]

  there emphatically internets big but the [TS]

  public radio people just murmur the [TS]

  murmur I I'm and I mean like how god [TS]

  John I have a car and i'm going to fight [TS]

  you know for me it's also there's so [TS]

  much about that is just it's it's [TS]

  straight to the police problem it's [TS]

  straight to the police problem you know [TS]

  and this isn't like an old hourglass bit [TS]

  but you know one of my biggest problem [TS]

  with NPR is the way that they stress [TS]

  every second third or fourth word [TS]

  yeah yeah I'm babiuk with Stockton the [TS]

  name of your quest arkton when I was 17 [TS]

  yes I had a friend whose name was Bob [TS]

  and Bob had Bob's dad was a doctor and [TS]

  Bob's dad was such an asshole because it [TS]

  was a giant guy like bigger than me [TS]

  and bald and just one of those in [TS]

  serious like just born printheads you [TS]

  know and at a certain point I think [TS]

  early on in high school 9th grade maybe [TS]

  Bob got caught smoking marijuana with [TS]

  some of his like hockey player friends [TS]

  and his dad came down on him like a ton [TS]

  of bricks and actually like I think [TS]

  broke Bob's little spirit somehow but i [TS]

  got to know Bob later and I I liked I [TS]

  liked him a lot he was a good musician [TS]

  and a nice kid and he lived in a one of [TS]

  those houses in the woods that was made [TS]

  out of like it was all made of wood that [TS]

  was stained shellacked right so you [TS]

  walked inside of his house and it was [TS]

  like you were in it was secure enough [TS]

  six-story tall bookcase you know [TS]

  everything was everything was gold and [TS]

  anyway his mom his dad was this massive [TS]

  prick but his mom was what you would now [TS]

  described if you were tasteless juggalo [TS]

  you would describe her as a milf but at [TS]

  the time there was no designation for [TS]

  mills and she was this choose this woman [TS]

  that probably was what like 35 maybe 36 [TS]

  years old she seemed like a like a [TS]

  definitely like a grown-up lady but she [TS]

  had this beautiful blonde hair and she [TS]

  was a she was just a charming person and [TS]

  she really liked me and I would go over [TS]

  to their house and she'd be sitting in [TS]

  the kitchen just listening to NPR and [TS]

  sorting through the bags of loose [TS]

  lapsang souchong but she had from [TS]

  different places and and you know what [TS]

  should be polishing her harassing [TS]

  through her scrapbooks and looking at [TS]

  her looking at her trophies from track [TS]

  and field and just kind of you know like [TS]

  like polishing her copper colonies [TS]

  really polish a lot of stuff she [TS]

  polished stuff and then she had she had [TS]

  some that was fucking up like when you [TS]

  say look we're in all different colors [TS]

  like she was just this picture she make [TS]

  salads she made all my god she made [TS]

  salad with bowl with salad tongs and a [TS]

  big big wooden house and I would sit on [TS]

  their wonder in one of their eames chair [TS]

  there's you know while bob was in his [TS]

  room getting his Nikes on or whatever [TS]

  and I would just I would sit and kind of [TS]

  talk to Bob's mom and she showed so much [TS]

  interested in me as a teenage boy and [TS]

  and I I didn't know what to do with my [TS]

  feelings at the time and I think back [TS]

  now and i wish that i had i wish that i [TS]

  had gone over there during the day and [TS]

  asked her for help on my homework or [TS]

  something [TS]

  it's too late now she's probably 79 now [TS]

  I haven't seen her in years but anyway [TS]

  uh she grew up on facebook [TS]

  whenever I think of know whenever I [TS]

  think of whenever I think of NPR I [TS]

  always picture Bob's mom in this house [TS]

  tucked back in the forest just just [TS]

  surrounded by T's from around the world [TS]

  listening to the soothing sounds of NPR [TS]

  to try and and and i try to picture her [TS]

  life with this with this asshole doctor [TS]

  I'm just like Oh NPR yeah you're not [TS]

  it's not enough that said that's got to [TS]

  be bittersweet for John there are so [TS]

  many different things that i wish i had [TS]

  done differently and one of them is that [TS]

  i wish i had taken Bob's mom away from [TS]

  all that this is all things considered [TS]

  boy that's that sucks John you know and [TS]

  i am starting to drift away but met her [TS]

  hat [TS]

  yep yep yep yep is that you hit that [TS]

  when you're like pretty happy with the [TS]

  lose a point like it you like it you can [TS]

  listen and your credit your capes we're [TS]

  at lapsang souchong is that is that real [TS]

  is that the pink Montauk I have no idea [TS]

  that sounds like a doggy [TS]

  yeah it's the name of the little dogs [TS]

  that guard the temples positions at a [TS]

  shih tzu it's lapsang souchong the shoes [TS]

  are the other two lines two lines [TS]

  outside the gate was its doubt and and [TS]

  Clarence you know more and more than I [TS]

  do Clarence's the other 1i can't one of [TS]

  the keymaster [TS]

  Oh once the gatekeeper one is I think it [TS]

  gets the morning we were I can I just [TS]

  say like Weaver's this is like I'm so [TS]

  happy to be at a point in my life when I [TS]

  find there's a new sex thing that I had [TS]

  never thought of flow kinda just say [TS]

  like fucking mrs. Robinson a giant [TS]

  bookcase [TS]

  I you know what I back that's [TS]

  practically German in its awesomeness [TS]

  there's a lot now I never thought of [TS]

  that before yeah and I'd and I think as [TS]

  a teenager I didn't have a you know I I [TS]

  wasn't as connected to the great rhythm [TS]

  of life to the to the to the resonating [TS]

  D chord that permeates the universe that [TS]

  would enable me to to to really be 22 to [TS]

  be dustin hoffman in that scenario at [TS]

  the time like I only thought of myself [TS]

  as a kid and so even though i was i was [TS]

  probably already six feet tall by that [TS]

  point I still have still thought of [TS]

  myself as a kid and so so in a sense [TS]

  just in a position of waiting I was just [TS]

  waiting because I was a kid and mrs. [TS]

  Robinson aka Bob's mom was also waiting [TS]

  and here we were in this D chord [TS]

  resonating Woodhouse both waiting and [TS]

  I'm Bob's dad wasn't waiting [TS]

  Bob that was seizing the moment being a [TS]

  dick with every fiber of his being you [TS]

  don't know what you have to admire them [TS]

  some level [TS]

  well you do i mean i think that it was a [TS]

  GP or surgeon like what was it was it [TS]

  was a surgeon i mean he had the whole [TS]

  thing if he did if he had been he was [TS]

  one step away from owning an Alfa Romeo [TS]

  you know what I mean like it was Alaska [TS]

  so you couldn't really owned an Alfa [TS]

  Romeo unless you were all the more [TS]

  reason she was just so such an asshole [TS]

  that you owned a car that you could only [TS]

  drive two months of the year but he was [TS]

  very close to that level of like I'm a [TS]

  surgeon and everyone get out of my way [TS]

  she got pregnant like why was she with [TS]

  this guy become you again [TS]

  I don't know what women like you're [TS]

  ready maybe they like kiss maybe they [TS]

  like maybe the idea of a guy carrying [TS]

  around a condiment is it is but Adam [TS]

  Hansen wallet is that was a turn-on for [TS]

  some girls I have no idea why this is [TS]

  the thing John I don't want to press the [TS]

  bruise i don't i don't press anything [TS]

  but here's my thinking on this like if [TS]

  you walked around [TS]

  and you're a plumber or cable guy or [TS]

  pizza delivery person and you could very [TS]

  well on a very basic level walk around [TS]

  going i'm only a pizza guy i'm only the [TS]

  Cable Guy writer and that's true there's [TS]

  certainly true but on the uneven the [TS]

  most basic level if your camera's out or [TS]

  your plumbing is broken or you're really [TS]

  fucking hungry you're gonna be glad to [TS]

  see the pizza guy but on a much deeper [TS]

  level if you really want to want [TS]

  somebody to give you the mean bone [TS]

  according to every porno movie I've ever [TS]

  seen [TS]

  it's gonna be just fine for the pizza [TS]

  guy right so I'm that I don't make this [TS]

  weird or book Casey but well but [TS]

  according to porno movies the guy that [TS]

  you want if you're a girl is not just [TS]

  the pizza guy [TS]

  it's the pizza guy who's got like kind [TS]

  of translucent sweaty skin it seems [TS]

  pretty confident and it's real confident [TS]

  like yeah he's a guy who's got kind of [TS]

  his jaws a little bit too big like that [TS]

  would be like to me that would be like [TS]

  picking up a cigarette i found in a [TS]

  men's room [TS]

  I guess somebody comes in and delivers [TS]

  my fucking pizza and then let's not get [TS]

  all up in my grill i would just be I [TS]

  would be thinking really hard about that [TS]

  you know I'm saying this gets back to my [TS]

  rule about where you meet people where [TS]

  you know you do you imagine that you're [TS]

  the first 1i think you can tell a lot [TS]

  about how your relationship with someone [TS]

  is gonna end but how the end with [TS]

  everybody else but here's the thing that [TS]

  people are people are animals they [TS]

  really are you know and and and the [TS]

  those of us who have let our higher [TS]

  functions get in the way of being [TS]

  animals all the time it can be about the [TS]

  Cold War we have not done ourselves a [TS]

  service like we think about everything [TS]

  too much and all the all the people who [TS]

  are able to live more fun reflectively [TS]

  who are just like oh I am here now and [TS]

  there's someone standing in front of me [TS]

  who smells like sex and my brain is [TS]

  shutting off and i'm going to have sex [TS]

  with them now and now i'm going and [TS]

  maybe I'll regret it later but also my [TS]

  capacity to regret is something that i [TS]

  dont cultivate so I'm gonna regret it [TS]

  for a half an hour and then I'm gonna [TS]

  pretend it never happened and listen to [TS]

  NPR and have some tea [TS]

  like if you know what you think the [TS]

  nobles regret I don't think but well [TS]

  maybe bonobos are fully regret but the [TS]

  nobles just they have a lot of [TS]

  intercourse mostly for self-soothing I [TS]

  think you but look at their little [TS]

  Jason it was nervous the clearly nervous [TS]

  stupid they're full of anxiety i had a [TS]

  friend I had a friend who had one of [TS]

  those extremely tiny you know I guess [TS]

  you always get smaller they become [TS]

  increasingly more annoying it's like a [TS]

  you know inverse relationship the [TS]

  annoyance goes up as the site is down i [TS]

  didn't realize the big chihuahuas are [TS]

  less annoying as well a lot of me a lot [TS]

  of a lot of people who say that they [TS]

  have a medium-size dog that could be a [TS]

  Scottie it's actually it could be a [TS]

  chihuahua a wig which is one of my [TS]

  favorite Morrissey songs are you huh [TS]

  are you annoyed by shivering dogs [TS]

  Shepherd Angela I I feel sympathy but i [TS]

  was driving i was driving through [TS]

  manhattan one time and I looked out the [TS]

  window as imap come on you know [TS]

  Lexington and 70th or something and [TS]

  here's a guy in a perfectly tailored [TS]

  suit you know like a suit where the legs [TS]

  are pegged so that you can't even [TS]

  imagine how he got his feet for the [TS]

  pants nopee states no pee stains he [TS]

  doesn't have anything tomatoes salt lake [TS]

  in the eye looking at its he's walking [TS]

  down the street he's six feet tall [TS]

  anyways a hundred and forty pounds [TS]

  soaking wet and he's walking this [TS]

  Chihuahua and the Chihuahua is prancing [TS]

  like an Austrian horse right head like a [TS]

  real honor like a lip was on her horse [TS]

  he's just like he's his little toes are [TS]

  barely touching the ground he is [TS]

  marching down the street and the dog is [TS]

  three inches high right yeah I mean I i [TS]

  was i was on my way to have a sandwich [TS]

  bigger than this dog and this dog is [TS]

  walking down the street and I'm and [TS]

  people are literally the they're getting [TS]

  out of this dogs way like the crowd on [TS]

  the sidewalk is parting for this little [TS]

  dog marching with more confidence than [TS]

  I've ever seen in any animal like he was [TS]

  absolutely leading this suited man down [TS]

  the street he was not being walked he [TS]

  was doing it I i gotta say I admire that [TS]

  I admired that little dog I wish I had [TS]

  half his confidence but your big guy [TS]

  that's your problem here is so much I [TS]

  want to say well first of all I can see [TS]

  how many situations where I've known [TS]

  people with two pets and the little pet [TS]

  ran the house and the big cat big cat [TS]

  was just a giant pussy [TS]

  my best friend John when I was a kid he [TS]

  had a cat named Blackie and a really big [TS]

  dog named Blackie and and and black [TS]

  which is blocking around the house back [TS]

  careful now we gotta get together okay [TS]

  you're okay here's the thing [TS]

  no I have sympathy for the Shivering [TS]

  anxious dog but i do not like the [TS]

  shimmering anxious dog and I tell my [TS]

  daughter how you can tell when the dogs [TS]

  pooping because it looks really guilty [TS]

  like it's it looks like they always say [TS]

  he looks like anything that is I like [TS]

  one looks like it's sitting down with [TS]

  her having a hard time telling when dogs [TS]

  are pooping she's for we don't we don't [TS]

  really have the vocabulary for this but [TS]

  every year isn't it looks like when it [TS]

  takes a shit like it just looks like you [TS]

  don't think John back to the animal [TS]

  thing I look away [TS]

  well I don't know absolute like but [TS]

  don't you think and and you say yes you [TS]

  know at first but you know what school I [TS]

  think you're going to say yes say yes or [TS]

  not to predict you're going to say [TS]

  here's the thing at about deer at [TS]

  watering holes [TS]

  I'm starting to worry that here's the [TS]

  thing is my catchphrase been mine [TS]

  I got dressed here's the thing of yours [TS]

  is here's the thing about so forget [TS]

  about to say here's the thing about deer [TS]

  at waterholes i think a dog taking a [TS]

  shit looking guilty and is a lot like a [TS]

  deer at a watering hole they're very [TS]

  vulnerable when a dog takes a shit it's [TS]

  very vulnerable because that's why it [TS]

  looks so scared it's looking around [TS]

  thinking somebody's gonna come and kick [TS]

  my ass while this book coming out of it [TS]

  that's all that's my God he's more [TS]

  vulnerable than he is because the dog [TS]

  doesn't if the dog is halfway through a [TS]

  shit and somebody comes and kick them in [TS]

  the ass if the dogs gonna the dog it can [TS]

  run with shit half out of his ass right [TS]

  because the dog isn't as concerned as we [TS]

  are like the guy in the suit the guy in [TS]

  the suit he's going to want to stop and [TS]

  clean up and the suit is going to want [TS]

  to clean up and that's the problem with [TS]

  human being yes we are we [TS]

  somebody would actually stand there and [TS]

  get killed [TS]

  rather than run down the street with [TS]

  half a shit hanging out around because [TS]

  they're because their capacity for [TS]

  embarrassment is greater than their [TS]

  survival instinct you're saying we've [TS]

  we've evolved past the point of [TS]

  usefulness on a lot of disability past [TS]

  the point where we are [TS]

  what where we can reasonably be expected [TS]

  to survive because because our shame [TS]

  is standing in the way of us needing to [TS]

  do we do like I should have just should [TS]

  have been all over Bob's mom but Mike [TS]

  complex like matrix of shame and anxiety [TS]

  kept me sitting in that Eames chair at [TS]

  saying yes I'd like another cup of tea [TS]

  with soy milk in it which I didn't even [TS]

  want I just wanted to come over and and [TS]

  handed to me you know where as if i was [TS]

  a little bit less afraid if I wasn't [TS]

  afraid to run down the street with with [TS]

  the pathogenic out of my ass I would [TS]

  have been I would've I would've been all [TS]

  over her Bible to come out in his Nikes [TS]

  and said I'm ready to go [TS]

  oh no this is morning edition from NPR [TS]

  national public radio so anyway this [TS]

  randomized she had a shivering chihuahua [TS]

  and this thing that's not what I thought [TS]

  you were going to say you you've known [TS]

  like extremely compulsive masturbator [TS]

  like everybody likes to masturbate but [TS]

  like you know there are people where [TS]

  you're like dude I can just tell your [TS]

  masturbating constantly I think when [TS]

  your clanmates you mention it yeah no [TS]

  magic through say he admitted to it but [TS]

  but i think most compulsive masturbator [TS]

  is also have a protective layer of [TS]

  dander on the front of their sweatshirt [TS]

  you know you see them it's the dander [TS]

  really that they're using the indenter [TS]

  else he's also kind of little guy [TS]

  here's the thing you didn't have as much [TS]

  danger shiver shiver though you have two [TS]

  good shiver he met my friend had a [TS]

  shivering chihuahua that I never liked [TS]

  it was real barky and real nervous and [TS]

  any time it felt like the least bit [TS]

  anxious which is always it would go in [TS]

  the other room and fuck the shit out of [TS]

  a little stuff when you boot and you've [TS]

  never seen an anxious chihuahua fucking [TS]

  the shit out of it now you understand [TS]

  this is not the first time just write [TS]

  this dog has fucking ruined the stuffed [TS]

  animal [TS]

  I think I plush it's rolling I mean [TS]

  there's so much I don't have a dog [TS]

  collar whatever there's something that's [TS]

  just very and it's very disconcerting [TS]

  because like the pooling dog there's [TS]

  some snooping and then there's some [TS]

  snooping and there's there's some guilt [TS]

  and there's a lot of lot of extreme [TS]

  nervous quivering anxiety as it helps [TS]

  their helpless little honey bear [TS]

  I'm friend here in Seattle who has a [TS]

  little dog not a not a chihuahua but [TS]

  some one of these little Scottie dogs [TS]

  who also hopes up pumps like a foot [TS]

  fuzzy pillow the dog the dog does the [TS]

  friend is everything that I [TS]

  but we also have some fuzzy pillow but [TS]

  not when I'm around but this dog was [TS]

  humping fuzzy pillow at one point and [TS]

  just like luck of the draw [TS]

  no pun intended he kinda it kinda we [TS]

  were we were standing there watching and [TS]

  laughing and he kind of just like leaned [TS]

  back at exactly the right moment [TS]

  actually and actually came across the [TS]

  room like a turtle airshot we're all [TS]

  standing there naked see it went like 14 [TS]

  feet he had a 3-pointer he did and we [TS]

  were incredulous like and then he walked [TS]

  away like my workers done [TS]

  oh my god it was one of the most [TS]

  beautiful things like see the fucking [TS]

  cat do that it was like when a killer [TS]

  well slap seal with his tail out of the [TS]

  water and wait and those seals 30 feet [TS]

  in the air spinning ass over teakettle [TS]

  and the killer whale is just like [TS]

  watching it happen we were you in the [TS]

  splashdown no no I was well aware [TS]

  everyone a dog starts humping a pillow [TS]

  yeah I start looking for the exits [TS]

  you've been around the block because i [TS]

  have and and especially when you're in [TS]

  somebody's house where they think it's [TS]

  charming that the dogs fucking pillow [TS]

  challenge looking for the exits John I i [TS]

  just wanna I'm not it's not like I want [TS]

  it's not like i'm leaving through a it's [TS]

  like I just want to make sure I know [TS]

  where they are [TS]

  it's like the earnest and ER it's like [TS]

  this is a clear fucking leading economic [TS]

  indicators that you need to get the hell [TS]

  out of that place like that person's got [TS]

  an andiron themselves that obviously [TS]

  masturbating constantly and this is a [TS]

  house where the dog is encouraged to [TS]

  literally come in the living room and [TS]

  that's funny I feel like I turned a [TS]

  corner in life [TS]

  somebody's gonna have to clean that up [TS]

  yes you see the dogs going to do that [TS]

  will not tell me that's how many [TS]

  computer monitors do you have in front [TS]

  of you all right now what is the maximum [TS]

  number of computer monitors that you [TS]

  said that when you walk into somebody's [TS]

  computer station area [TS]

  yeah what is the maximum number of [TS]

  computer monitors that you will but you [TS]

  can handle before you start to feel like [TS]

  this person out it's like a lunatic is a [TS]

  lunatic well I i know a lot of people [TS]

  that may scrap your story if I tell you [TS]

  but my opinion is that that the the [TS]

  conventional wisdom on this is that you [TS]

  should have to exact monitors of exactly [TS]

  the same size or three of the same size [TS]

  i have one very large one and then one [TS]

  and I've seen some [TS]

  nerds that have up to six but that is [TS]

  like having seventh graders you got you [TS]

  have to get a stand and yeah that didn't [TS]

  ruin the story so what happens with six [TS]

  monitors what happens very little again [TS]

  it's the condom in my wallet problem [TS]

  I mean no I mean and you know what you [TS]

  don't care about this but there's [TS]

  there's data that backs up the idea that [TS]

  the less you have to scroll around the [TS]

  more you can get done the more you see [TS]

  the more you can do but you know [TS]

  come on I mean you ever seen that guy [TS]

  you see the guy who's got like all the [TS]

  holsters on his belt [TS]

  you know and you're like you're like the [TS]

  guy at the music business too are you [TS]

  seriously asking me back for the guy or [TS]

  the lesbian usually with all the keys [TS]

  let the keychain what's the deal with [TS]

  lesbians and keychains is that a thing [TS]

  is that look at the hanky code it well [TS]

  it's a thing it's not a hanky code but [TS]

  it's a it's a it's like a it's a penis [TS]

  envy think it's a pushy think it well [TS]

  you it's like here's my package in my [TS]

  packages just made of keys [TS]

  have you seen my keychain i definitely [TS]

  have but I'm trying to remember what its [TS]

  okay its okay its taken me 45 years to [TS]

  get down to an aluminum bottle cap [TS]

  opener that was almost nothing and two [TS]

  keys [TS]

  I don't even keep my car key on there i [TS]

  get my office key in my house key and [TS]

  that is it [TS]

  that's what to me that's power like that [TS]

  that is the ability to go into into a [TS]

  literal safe-deposit box and not bearing [TS]

  or do you want to go [TS]

  munich what do you--what do you know [TS]

  where to go to urgent Sorry Sorry [TS]

  and so you also have a number bank [TS]

  account there don't don't say what [TS]

  number but you probably have access to [TS]

  money there too [TS]

  I don't I i wouldn't be able to say the [TS]

  number because it's not actually do you [TS]

  have any other truckers wallet with [TS]

  twenty dollars that you could use [TS]

  anywhere in the world right well not [TS]

  anywhere i mean i don't have any like [TS]

  Chinese money not know what not promise [TS]

  you want to change the currency an hour [TS]

  later go ahead i didn't have any light [TS]

  didn't add some thai baht I couldn't go [TS]

  to talk about for instance unless the US [TS]

  dollars in talker but anyway go ahead [TS]

  no no I think that's probably it wasn't [TS]

  talking about i don't even remember my [TS]

  keychain on your keychain so I I feel [TS]

  like I for example the people who who [TS]

  are our neighbors like I won't check the [TS]

  mail today I want to get the mail and I [TS]

  swear to god it's like these fucking [TS]

  MOOCs have like a pony keg of Acts its X [TS]

  body spray [TS]

  I i hope so I mean it [TS]

  is actually a shit down there where I [TS]

  thought I thought that you you don't [TS]

  still have an adversarial relationship [TS]

  with your upstairs neighbor oh no [TS]

  they're gone tonight they're still [TS]

  literally the only people in the world [TS]

  that I hate our old neighbors and and [TS]

  are you saying that their mail is still [TS]

  in your mailbox when you talk about [TS]

  different neighbors now I I can't talk [TS]

  too much about this kale because of your [TS]

  papers are listening to the podcast now [TS]

  fuck them i thought other I've got all [TS]

  their names about all the names don't [TS]

  mean yeah haha well don't tell me I [TS]

  can't get dark and small of that is [TS]

  darkened small tell them to them and if [TS]

  they came to you and asked you know I [TS]

  think I think he resolves to pages like [TS]

  look at me I live upstairs mimi and this [TS]

  one says I don't know um but during my [TS]

  drinking years I had no keys because i [TS]

  had no I had no nothing to put a key had [TS]

  no home I had no thing I had no thing [TS]

  and I had no keys and I remember feeling [TS]

  like that was some kind of minor triumph [TS]

  like a Buddha I felt like I was headed [TS]

  that direction i was like a drunk Buddha [TS]

  you sound almost like a beach is like [TS]

  one of the beach like very confused [TS]

  about religion and drugs [TS]

  yeah well I because and that's exactly [TS]

  right i was trying to I was imagining [TS]

  that through being fucked up all the [TS]

  time i was actually climbing the ladder [TS]

  of enlightenment uh it turns out that i [TS]

  was not i wasn't even I was I wasn't [TS]

  holding the ladder of enlightenment but [TS]

  a but i remember when i got my first key [TS]

  somebody gave me a key to their place [TS]

  they were like all right you know you [TS]

  can [TS]

  here's a key to my place you can use the [TS]

  B come in and use the bathroom shower [TS]

  clean up or whatever I was like I got a [TS]

  key [TS]

  I have a key I have responsibilities and [TS]

  this is at a time when I didn't have an [TS]

  ID so having a key was like wow this is [TS]

  my connection to I'm now I'm now [TS]

  reconnecting to use this is definitely [TS]

  met this is densely metaphorical John [TS]

  yeah I had a key and then I got a second [TS]

  key and so I needed a ring and the [TS]

  second key was a key to a ford aerostar [TS]

  minivan that a guy let me crash in it [TS]

  was like like you can crash at my house [TS]

  because i'm paying rent my roommate span [TS]

  rent but I have this van out back you [TS]

  can stay in the van [TS]

  and i'll connect the van to a battery [TS]

  charger so the lights stay on you when [TS]

  you open the door so you can read so I [TS]

  had a key to a person's house to use the [TS]

  bathroom and a key to this minivan where [TS]

  I was living and I was like I got two [TS]

  keys i got two keys and a keyring look [TS]

  at me Here I am two keys top of the [TS]

  world MA [TS]

  that's right and so fast forward five [TS]

  years later I had a job I had my own [TS]

  place I I didn't have a car but I I the [TS]

  job I had three keys or something all of [TS]

  a sudden I've got like six keys on my [TS]

  key ring and I'm feeling I was feeling [TS]

  start to feel dragged down by this got [TS]

  six keys like what have I become my guy [TS]

  was six keys you can come to become [TS]

  you've become a guy who watches fight [TS]

  club too much probably [TS]

  well this was before fight club things [TS]

  are owning you but I had a key to my eye [TS]

  on a key to my apartment I had a key to [TS]

  my practice space i had a key to my I [TS]

  don't really got it together fast [TS]

  well for years that's pretty good [TS]

  fashion Dukakis what mama son even the [TS]

  drinking [TS]

  oh I don't talk as a drinker no lady [TS]

  with the rubbing rubbing alcohol Dukakis [TS]

  that's not funny [TS]

  yeah now Greek oh yeah right and so [TS]

  anyway so now from 0 to 6 and four years [TS]

  yeah and now i'm not i keep approved it [TS]

  i keep it keep it to do I keep it to [TS]

  four keys but i think i think it's a lot [TS]

  like the compulsive masturbator [TS]

  I mean you should have as many cases you [TS]

  need let's take that is red but there is [TS]

  something a little bit over compensating [TS]

  about the giant ass keychain especially [TS]

  when you're like a security guard no [TS]

  offense or whatever right [TS]

  you know it seems like the more honest [TS]

  as classes I can't say this was like the [TS]

  more menial position the Marquis you [TS]

  have to have that's true i got regular [TS]

  you know you'll get jail you're gonna [TS]

  get back pain look at us we're student [TS]

  ya-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-h guy doesn't carry [TS]

  around a big ring of keys that was my [TS]

  first one my second objection about [TS]

  mobile phones my first objection about [TS]

  mobile phones when they got popular was [TS]

  everybody uses them is a dick tarde like [TS]

  why are you talking in a restaurant you [TS]

  talk about the big mobile phones there i [TS]

  mean like when star tax [TS]

  popular likes a 97 98 or whatever and I [TS]

  and that's what my whole life phone guy [TS]

  percent started cuz i would take off my [TS]

  shoes and start talking to it really [TS]

  loud it because I I know and I to this [TS]

  day is doing wonder i still wonder how [TS]

  many people are actually talking to [TS]

  someone on the phone because you just [TS]

  like crazy homeless person especially [TS]

  the bluetooth you know it's crazy but um [TS]

  but the second reason is like you're [TS]

  using this as the signifier of power you [TS]

  know in in the same way that you got the [TS]

  butcher keychain like if you're talking [TS]

  on the phone at lunch [TS]

  you're not a powerful person in a [TS]

  powerful person is allowed to eat [TS]

  without doing work but there's minute [TS]

  they're most people's conception of what [TS]

  a powerful person looks like only goes [TS]

  up so high 22 stuck to middle management [TS]

  you know like most people the highest [TS]

  they can conceive yes is the middle [TS]

  manager and so they emulate the middle [TS]

  managers taste in clothes and cars is so [TS]

  dispiriting houses in music and culture [TS]

  the middle manager is is the [TS]

  aspirational unit for for the vast [TS]

  majority and somebody like you who has a [TS]

  concept of what truly look what the rich [TS]

  and powerful look like you know the [TS]

  middle managers was always going to be [TS]

  craft for me my my goal is always to [TS]

  look like somebody who has so much money [TS]

  that they're still driving in 1967 Volvo [TS]

  and and I separate like that rich guy [TS]

  got call newman and what wearing ya like [TS]

  like Carl Newman rich guy wearing his [TS]

  grandfather's canadian money that's not [TS]

  likely less like being really rich [TS]

  that's like me that's Canadian rich [TS]

  comedian money's worth more than [TS]

  american money i remember was a dollar [TS]

  66 American we stayed at a really super [TS]

  nice hotel in vancouver one time not the [TS]

  Sylvia hotel nerd but i but I really [TS]

  nice hotel and it was like it was like [TS]

  fifty dollars a night it's ridiculous [TS]

  yeah doctors are going i think it's what [TS]

  you're talking about old money old money [TS]

  old man i was room with a guy who is old [TS]

  money and and he looked homeless but I [TS]

  was like homeless like I don't even know [TS]

  I don't know [TS]

  ok here's me I'm so middle management [TS]

  that like I would go like old LL Bean [TS]

  but it probably wasn't it was probably [TS]

  like like a bespoke hobo shirt lecture [TS]

  we handmade hobo sure if I know that's a [TS]

  classic that's why I want to talk to you [TS]

  about the buckaroos [TS]

  guys better handmade hobo shirt i spent [TS]

  a couple of months traveling in europe [TS]

  with one of the guys who was the heir of [TS]

  the Busch beer family who did they [TS]

  filled with the Anheuser at all do you [TS]

  think the big head like shotgun [TS]

  hillbilly type shit going on [TS]

  oh well no I think the bushes took over [TS]

  the operation on senator carl sanders [TS]

  the Anheuser just kept on there for four [TS]

  sho i think then Hauser's I mean they're [TS]

  they're in there but the bushes were the [TS]

  dynasty case are good and and this guy [TS]

  who's yet yet he had bush in his name [TS]

  like he was his great-great-grandson or [TS]

  something like justice or something [TS]

  even we were traveling together in here [TS]

  for a couple of months and sky he drank [TS]

  two liters of coke a day and he looked [TS]

  like the guy that was look like a guy [TS]

  that was playing playing video games for [TS]

  a living like he didn't he didn't look [TS]

  like somebody that's sounds like [TS]

  inbreeding a little bit did not look [TS]

  like somebody who had 24 Clyde that [TS]

  sounds like it's not a diversity in the [TS]

  Missouri bush no no he wasn't he was a [TS]

  handsome enough guy but he sure did a [TS]

  big banjo player very curious character [TS]

  himself with this kind of like whatever [TS]

  you give me get another glass of coke [TS]

  and I swear to you he had Clydesdales [TS]

  take him to his junior prom like this [TS]

  guy this guy this guy could like cigars [TS]

  on a hundred-dollar bills and it was the [TS]

  same team as matches did he want the [TS]

  class officer was it i was just i went [TS]

  like this is wrong with the real shop [TS]

  it's like the whole fucking fucking of [TS]

  course you're gonna have clientele just [TS]

  pushed Donna Donna and I and every man's [TS]

  there [TS]

  yes no because here's the thing and this [TS]

  is like royalty like with royalty like [TS]

  it seems like such a cakewalk but it's [TS]

  just it's just constant bullshit if [TS]

  you're royalty and I imagine if you're a [TS]

  bush that kind of bush like it just must [TS]

  suck you sure your dad will go you know [TS]

  what we're doing Clydesdales he's like [TS]

  can I just get a town car fuck you fuck [TS]

  you get going on get again I get selling [TS]

  you on a horse like it right we're [TS]

  having the gym [TS]

  i'm here at the house cockiness [TS]

  guardhouse card you would be by that and [TS]

  especially like if you're if you're like [TS]

  Bob and you feel like you've got to [TS]

  constantly be be showing your true [TS]

  finess yeah well this is the this is the [TS]

  reason that my that I think the best [TS]

  thing in life is to be about my age 43 [TS]

  and then learn that you're actually from [TS]

  an obscenely rich family and they've [TS]

  been keeping it from you the whole time [TS]

  as the test your mettle [TS]

  yeah just it just because they wanted [TS]

  you to grow up with some intestinal [TS]

  fortitude and then they're like okay [TS]

  here's your inheritance [TS]

  I keep waiting for it i wake up every [TS]

  morning and think is there is the knock [TS]

  on the door gonna come today my rich [TS]

  uncle is he going to come and tell us he [TS]

  strikes me that you are you live and not [TS]

  sleep in anticipation of a lot of door [TS]

  knocks well this is the problem i feel [TS]

  like i know it's an alien race an [TS]

  attorney there have you sign some papers [TS]

  haha there are a lot of people that can [TS]

  be knocking on my door and today you [TS]

  know what's gonna happen a guy's gonna [TS]

  knock on my door here I get it I get a [TS]

  text message two days ago from a friend [TS]

  and he says have a favorite free to ask [TS]

  of you it's a really small thing it [TS]

  doesn't require any work on your part [TS]

  and immediately I'm like yeah right if [TS]

  that if that were true you wouldn't be [TS]

  like softening me up with this pretext [TS]

  like literally pretext like telling [TS]

  somebody I want you to be honest it [TS]

  means literally the opposite yeah I want [TS]

  to be honest this this favor is going to [TS]

  require nothing you when I was like [TS]

  alright so what is the favor so he text [TS]

  back i bought my girlfriend a sailboat [TS]

  and I want to bring it to your house [TS]

  defecation it's not complicated than it [TS]

  does work for Duff McKagan hat guy I'm [TS]

  gonna bring the sailboat over to your [TS]

  house and clean it up for a couple of [TS]

  days in your yard so I can give it to [TS]

  her on christmas and happy like this is [TS]

  really pushing the definition of [TS]

  requires nothing from me like requires [TS]

  nothing for me other than a year in my [TS]

  yard for two days cleaning a sailboat [TS]

  but I mean I don't mean it the way it [TS]

  sounds but what are your neighbors gonna [TS]

  think when they've got a real i know i [TS]

  don't mean in terms of like Oh John [TS]

  Rocker should get him a nice elbow [TS]

  i'm thinking more like holy shit how is [TS]

  this gonna fuck with their vision of you [TS]

  as a man with a sword and a bathroom I [TS]

  think it just goes right in right in [TS]

  keeping with it like that like that [TS]

  whole money thing called my now he's [TS]

  gotta sell boners yard and there's a guy [TS]

  covered in tattoos out there in december [TS]

  with a with a hose like cleaning this [TS]

  thing out and I swear to you he is on [TS]

  his way here right now like he's he's in [TS]

  traffic towing this sailboat over to my [TS]

  house so that's the knock on the door [TS]

  i'm looking for today I I i have a [TS]

  passing interest in in lots of things [TS]

  one of my passing interest is in cons I [TS]

  don't know a lot about it like some kind [TS]

  of short turns any song [TS]

  well you know sometimes you do the short [TS]

  kind of the long con right that's the [TS]

  whole idea and people to understand no [TS]

  you know this John roddick you been to [TS]

  you doubt but the con it is confidence [TS]

  it's just did this start let me just [TS]

  guess did you start with watching this [TS]

  thing has been in use since you were i [TS]

  discovered is staying after watching law [TS]

  and order [TS]

  I think why don't you didn't see the [TS]

  sting in the seventies now I did I did [TS]

  know that was part of it i don't think [TS]

  that I think that looks like a TV movie [TS]

  it [TS]

  it's ok but i think it looks like a TV [TS]

  movie except that anytime Paul Newman is [TS]

  on the screen you're looking into the [TS]

  face of God [TS]

  yeah and I'm a big robertshaw fan to [TS]

  dial on again truly amazing actor actor [TS]

  he's great in the jaws he's great in [TS]

  Dirty Dozen he's great [TS]

  which is a better movie than you think [TS]

  he is really really good and force 10 [TS]

  from navarone oh that's the that's like [TS]

  three dozen junior now that the one with [TS]

  Mark Hamill know it's the one where is [TS]

  for sorry sorry yeah I'm not distracted [TS]

  right now because if you search for [TS]

  buckaroos on google the first return is [TS]

  says welcome to buckaroos the leader in [TS]

  pipe insulation support systems and [TS]

  that's fucking Holocaust right there [TS]

  well that's really strange because [TS]

  there's a bar in seattle called [TS]

  buckaroos it a key bar and they're the [TS]

  leaders in pipe installation if you [TS]

  don't accept that conduit now you know [TS]

  what we're not doing this pipe [TS]

  I'm don't i don't want to make you [TS]

  paranoid John but I think somebody [TS]

  calling you in saying could you do me a [TS]

  favor by letting me watch [TS]

  my sailboat in your yard that feels some [TS]

  little Ricky Jay and me that says that [TS]

  feels a little bit like a con [TS]

  that's like a con like it's like a night [TS]

  some kind of nigerian thing like if you [TS]

  watch my sailboat for two days right I'm [TS]

  gonna like rich I'm gonna bust Oh riches [TS]

  on you like your he says you look I just [TS]

  need five minutes to urinate could you [TS]

  please watch the mizzenmast I'm thinking [TS]

  tomorrow you don't have any more candles [TS]

  that's gone candles gone and you're just [TS]

  sitting [TS]

  sitting [TS]

  waiting for the door to knock there's a [TS]

  there's strangely a part of me that woke [TS]

  up this morning and thought what i need [TS]

  to do is is packed one suitcase and [TS]

  leave the rest behind pack one suitcase [TS]

  and burn this whole house down like a [TS]

  Norwegian funeral boat and just back to [TS]

  one bag back to one key one key one bag [TS]

  i think that's that's that's that's how [TS]

  i woke up today [TS]

  yeah i met when i started sorting [TS]

  through my coin collection and or as a [TS]

  kind of statement that eventually it [TS]

  will appear on the government form [TS]

  arrange my 40 cowboy boots into a new [TS]

  pattern based on color and age doesn't [TS]

  go [TS]

  Merlin's calling soon unconsciously [TS]

  picking out which pair quickly can you [TS]

  walk over and and a lawyer is there he [TS]

  tips his hat many hands you a briefcase [TS]

  full of past in an edge looker its [TS]

  inception a Glock your Glock John says [TS]

  Manchurian Candidate activate definitely [TS]

  again is the kindest is very crime and [TS]

  ethnic Aegon I have a I have a gentle [TS]

  person ya know you know what you want [TS]

  your pancreas to explode that's no good [TS]

  careful where you meet them don't come [TS]

  back to REM goal vs golden hopefully [TS]

  meet them i'm gonna write that down [TS]

  that's a good lyric um that is pretty [TS]

  good [TS]

  she's at that sugar sand song careful [TS]

  when you meet them is very simple [TS]

  this is very easy all all that means is [TS]

  along the lines of you and your Jewess [TS]

  you have to be careful that if you meet [TS]

  a lady at a place that you go to a lot [TS]

  or you meet a lady at a police place [TS]

  that you almost never go to and wouldn't [TS]

  want to go to again either one of those [TS]

  can be problematic and I think you can [TS]

  understand already why both of that [TS]

  would be the case and I don't think [TS]

  people think about this i think they [TS]

  meet somebody at the dive bar maybe even [TS]

  god forbid a bartender and then that and [TS]

  first of all bartenders are crazy for [TS]

  ladies absolutely true not no seriously [TS]

  that's not ping-pong right there are no [TS]

  personal experience personal experiences [TS]

  indicated to me that all girl bartenders [TS]

  are crazy right [TS]

  they're not like a box of chocolates but [TS]

  that's like I mean the Venn diagram of [TS]

  girls that are [TS]

  crazy yeah as far as that overlaps the [TS]

  Venn diagram of girls I'm not sure [TS]

  really [TS]

  um my a measure which is the bigger [TS]

  should've finished my shrimp I think I'm [TS]

  having a big amount of sugar drop are [TS]

  you are you're just sitting there in [TS]

  front of a plate of habit I have half a [TS]

  bowl of butter shrimp that's just [TS]

  cooling so this was this was a nice [TS]

  knockdown by fire accidentally about 44 [TS]

  pounds of shrimp and I wouldn't have [TS]

  hurt immediate shrimp for lunch [TS]

  I don't think Roderick I had to I had to [TS]

  because I fucked up it was on sale [TS]

  accident i thought it's my two pounds i [TS]

  was buying four pounds was a solid ice [TS]

  cube of shrimp you cannot do not [TS]

  refreeze shrimp you do that once and [TS]

  you're dead [TS]

  one time I was in a trip three ways in [TS]

  the last two days [TS]

  shrimp three-way that's one of my [TS]

  favorite that down but I heard those are [TS]

  in three ways fine i was at the Sundance [TS]

  Film Festival one time and wring out and [TS]

  for the people at the supermarket there [TS]

  in park city that's right John Wesley [TS]

  Harding i'm not sure if you've heard of [TS]

  him and obviously felt like hey the film [TS]

  festival is coming we need to load up on [TS]

  giant tiger shrimp like the biggest [TS]

  shrimp you ever saw [TS]

  perhaps without browser promised those [TS]

  black shrimp are absolutely massive [TS]

  shrimp shrimp were as big they were as [TS]

  big as a Stanley screwdriver [TS]

  I'm walking through the smell of that [TS]

  Barker I'm walking through the [TS]

  supermarket and here like over by the [TS]

  deli is this pile of shrimp it's a [TS]

  mountain of shrimp that they have [TS]

  covered in ice sitting in the middle of [TS]

  the like in the it's not in a case it's [TS]

  just like their it's loose [TS]

  yea Lou shrimp and there's a guy in a [TS]

  white coat stand there like need any [TS]

  shrimp and I said that's a lot of shrimp [TS]

  and he was like we got away we had so [TS]

  many shrimp here and they were they were [TS]

  like that'sthat's like a meat-free it [TS]

  was everything just like a doctor [TS]

  it was incredibly tonight and he was [TS]

  dressed like a doctor and Bob he said he [TS]

  said you know we're letting the shrimp [TS]

  go fire sale prices because we got all [TS]

  we are more shrimp that we need and so I [TS]

  bought four pounds of shrimp i'm only [TS]

  there two days about 4 pounds of shrimp [TS]

  and they were I mean there are these [TS]

  humongous shrimp i went back to the we [TS]

  were staying at a hotel but like a [TS]

  timeshare cabin and it was the long [TS]

  winters and the presidents of the USA [TS]

  staying together in a in like a [TS]

  timeshare cabin and I walked into the [TS]

  door one o'clock in the morning with 4 [TS]

  pounds of tiger shrimp in a bag and I [TS]

  was like gentlemen [TS]

  haha i know we're doing tonight and [TS]

  always had this it was like I was it was [TS]

  a it was like a shrimp show up we will [TS]

  covered and shrimp head to toe shirt [TS]

  knocked that's so that is so much shrimp [TS]

  there's a lot of trial and she loves him [TS]

  know what part of it is I shop too fast [TS]

  i get a hurry i want to get home i'm [TS]

  running late i'm bad with time I pick up [TS]

  four pounds of shrimp accidentally and [TS]

  things I don't like wasting food [TS]

  I'm not like a pill about it but I [TS]

  really don't like wasting food right so [TS]

  that's why now I'm just sitting here on [TS]

  just torpid from all of that so that's [TS]

  the one rule is be careful we meet him [TS]

  because then if you meet him at the [TS]

  place that you don't go to a lot [TS]

  well now it's like you and introversion [TS]

  problem right now is going to be which [TS]

  one do you go to where we gonna go to [TS]

  shooters your fingers right and you're [TS]

  going to have to have that discussion [TS]

  each one has its ups and downs right [TS]

  let's you want to see each other anymore [TS]

  it's been so long since I've met a girl [TS]

  at a bar I know I'm saying all this [TS]

  phenomenally I had this it i had this in [TS]

  a little spiral-bound notebook i'm just [TS]

  reading this is taking phonetically you [TS]

  don't know what it means everything is [TS]

  right now just reading it [TS]

  it's just a Japanese to you literally [TS]

  stealing this kids in the holiday look [TS]

  out literally right now and then the [TS]

  other thing is and this is the this is [TS]

  the the secret to happiness lationship [TS]

  marriage in general try to minimize the [TS]

  number of things that only you are [TS]

  allowed to be right about oh my god are [TS]

  you talking about i'm right about [TS]

  everything right [TS]

  yeah I was like on how do you mean [TS]

  minimize well I'm not married so I feel [TS]

  like I'm doing something right [TS]

  that's a good point i'm right about [TS]

  everything are you kidding me well that [TS]

  I'm trying to be less right about this [TS]

  is yeah um I think this is why this is [TS]

  such an ideal relationship we have that [TS]

  I can be your Boswell nam in my way you [TS]

  know cuz and you know here's the thing [TS]

  here's the thing about Bob here's the [TS]

  thing about side Don rich and the book [TS]

  here's the thing about the locker rooms [TS]

  here's the thing about all these people [TS]

  and here's the thing now if I were a [TS]

  better man i would i would have I would [TS]

  have walked with my shirt back into the [TS]

  into the little man store and I would've [TS]

  said listen little man i-i've made an [TS]

  error me right [TS]

  why are you talking like John Hodgman [TS]

  now listen little man I've made an error [TS]

  and i would like to return half the [TS]

  shrimp [TS]

  I'm sure you can see your way through to [TS]

  resume and half my money [TS]

  little man you must listen you now [TS]

  here's the problem now we got the [TS]

  Mandarin problem to I know how to say [TS]

  exactly one thing in Mandarin and I [TS]

  don't even say it right-- i can say for [TS]

  sure that's all I know how to say what [TS]

  does it mean it means shut up for thank [TS]

  you i'm not sure i think it's thank you [TS]

  but it could mean shut up no no matter [TS]

  who's got that kind of little like [TS]

  siblings [TS]

  oh well it's a it's a tonal language [TS]

  right so it depends on what what your [TS]

  pitches when you say to ya shah and show [TS]

  could be different things [TS]

  oh absolutely and you could be saying it [TS]

  like in you're the asshole right if [TS]

  you're doing the wrong thing that's [TS]

  happened it's like that the 10 years I [TS]

  spent going into far restaurants and [TS]

  saying I'd like a bowl of thumb please [TS]

  and they would go huh hi this is the [TS]

  same 4444 to make the transition to [TS]

  begin just stare [TS]

  hi say it because they would go all [TS]

  follow and I go yeah that's exactly what [TS]

  I said at maywood IL alright okay thanks [TS]

  fuck I just point out that used to be a [TS]

  French colony and the French are [TS]

  constantly always correcting people's [TS]

  pronunciation [TS]

  yeah so anyway I go in there I you know [TS]

  if I were you or I were Bob or I were [TS]

  one of the buckaroos i would probably [TS]

  walk in there and i would say in the [TS]

  clearest voice that i can even though [TS]

  nobody from Asia can ever understand [TS]

  what I'm saying i would say listen i've [TS]

  made a grave error these shrimp are [TS]

  still good and hard [TS]

  could i trade these in for maybe [TS]

  something more like two pounds of shrimp [TS]

  but now i'm sitting here and I'm [TS]

  literally eating my mistake [TS]

  yeah your station is that it's [TS]

  crustacean right it's a crustacean you [TS]

  have more you have more shrimp than you [TS]

  can possibly eat and shrimp is not a [TS]

  type of thing that you can't like you're [TS]

  not going to grind up the shrimp and put [TS]

  it in your spaghetti sauce [TS]

  why would you there's only so many ways [TS]

  yeah i mean if you bought too much [TS]

  hamburger forget about you got hamburger [TS]

  meat [TS]

  you're just gonna find different ways to [TS]

  use this is not this is not subdivide [TS]

  this is not condone shrimp it was one [TS]

  large contiguous block of shrimp [TS]

  and I had to thought and cook right so [TS]

  what you really bought was three pounds [TS]

  of shrimp and one pound of ice [TS]

  yeah but basically saying is I mama [TS]

  Nicholas weasel and I wish I had your [TS]

  certainty and ability to help people [TS]

  including myself you know I don't want [TS]

  your fever dreams and you know but but I [TS]

  i really admire that about you as I seen [TS]

  you argue with people about money it's [TS]

  fun [TS]

  mhm well I i got into a disagreement [TS]

  with somebody here in Seattle the other [TS]

  day that right yeah if you can believe [TS]

  it and and and it was and I was back to [TS]

  the same old problem up here which is [TS]

  that and i think this is a problem [TS]

  nationwide now people have have grown so [TS]

  accustomed to never arguing with [TS]

  somebody that when they begin an [TS]

  argument when somebody comes to them [TS]

  with an argument is the bad words they [TS]

  are so terrorized find that by the by [TS]

  any conflict that that in their minds [TS]

  they have never had conflict with people [TS]

  and what they're not understanding is [TS]

  that they are constantly in conflict [TS]

  with people it's just all being resolved [TS]

  so passively to know one satisfaction [TS]

  that you know that that that everybody's [TS]

  just spinning their emotional wheels [TS]

  nobody is nothing is being accomplished [TS]

  everybody's just so like gentle with [TS]

  each other and I'm I'm sorry did I [TS]

  offend you know did I offend you oh and [TS]

  let's agree to disagree okay when [TS]

  everything's fine and nobody's getting [TS]

  what they want at all you know but there [TS]

  but they have lost the capacity to have [TS]

  someone come up to them and say excuse [TS]

  me hi um I ordered two pounds of shrimp [TS]

  and I got four and i would like to [TS]

  return it and and also I would like to [TS]

  just ask you how you thought two pounds [TS]

  meant for or whatever you know like [TS]

  you've got a problem [TS]

  it's not just that you anything [TS]

  everything is a seminar special it's a [TS]

  salmon especially two pounds of salmon [TS]

  yeah because I'm not just about grocery [TS]

  store people have added just with you [TS]

  but no and I'm not just being ping-pong [TS]

  you would sit there until that was [TS]

  resolved until you until you to your [TS]

  satisfaction but had not only fixed but [TS]

  acknowledged it that you were you were [TS]

  you were the better a person in this [TS]

  problem is up here and my problem is [TS]

  that sometimes when i get when i get my [TS]

  parents your dander [TS]

  get better one of the things one of my [TS]

  problems is that I demand an apology and [TS]

  i have done this many times and it [TS]

  almost never is a good strategy but i do [TS]

  it i went into the activity of the story [TS]

  i went into the north face don't think [TS]

  God the north face bag story [TS]

  yeah and maybe i might need to pee they [TS]

  were like like I will give you will we [TS]

  will we will give you your a noob and [TS]

  what John you should you should you [TS]

  should let me pee you start telling the [TS]

  story i will go pee and I'll make this [TS]

  also i'm down about half punishment you [TS]

  start telling the story and then I'm [TS]

  going to come back this 90 90 90 90 90 [TS]

  you go running p and i'll tell the story [TS]

  and just go with the money that's going [TS]

  to walk and everything are you what we [TS]

  talked about what you look like a we [TS]

  talked about how much you had had had [TS]

  had relied on their products for a very [TS]

  long time no I'm dead I'm dead serious [TS]

  i'm seeing people keep talking right so [TS]

  anyway in 1999 i walked from amsterdam [TS]

  to Istanbul and I in advance of the trip [TS]

  i bought a backpack from north face [TS]

  because growing up in Alaska I always [TS]

  considered north face to have the finest [TS]

  outdoor gear at least I thought they did [TS]

  back in the early eighties so i bought [TS]

  this bag at north face and you know the [TS]

  thing about backpacks is that they [TS]

  always want to sell you a bigger [TS]

  backpack and that is the wrong way to [TS]

  buy a backpack you actually want to get [TS]

  the smallest backpack you you can [TS]

  because you're carrying all your shit on [TS]

  your bag around on your back [TS]

  I'm sorry so anyway I got this backpack [TS]

  and I'm i walked from amsterdam to [TS]

  Istanbul in about three-quarters of the [TS]

  way across the continent of Europe [TS]

  somewhere in the somewhere in the [TS]

  mountains of Romania the the backpack [TS]

  fails like that the the the the material [TS]

  rips and it fails because it's because [TS]

  it's a shitty product it's it's a it's [TS]

  poorly made thing it isn't made to to [TS]

  walk across Europe it's made to take [TS]

  your books to school or it's made to go [TS]

  on overnight trips or something it isn't [TS]

  a piece of hardy gear anyway so I have [TS]

  to take this back off and fix it with my [TS]

  sewing kit and i'm missing again John [TS]

  how far into the walk is this is toward [TS]

  the end well [TS]

  so it's three quarters of the way so I'm [TS]

  so you know I'm in the am [TS]

  come out i'm in the Romanian mountains [TS]

  in the backpack comes apart and so the [TS]

  whole rest of the trip through romania [TS]

  and bulgaria in Turkey every few days I [TS]

  have to take this backpack off at him [TS]

  and I have to fix it with my sewing kit [TS]

  and every time I have to do it and every [TS]

  day that this thing is digging into my [TS]

  side as I walk I'm just building up my [TS]

  fear every steam and my beard is really [TS]

  long and my eyes have become kind of [TS]

  crystal blue like a wolves like a wolf [TS]

  sighs you know because i am in the Sun [TS]

  all day and and it's bleached out all [TS]

  the pigment in my in my face and hair [TS]

  cells John Carter of Mars and I come [TS]

  back to seattle at the end of this trip [TS]

  and I and I save it up for a week you [TS]

  know just like I'm just cultivating my [TS]

  fury and so after a week I walk down to [TS]

  I don't take him outside [TS]

  you can't reflecting on the experience [TS]

  of having walked across the continent he [TS]

  came back and got ready for exactly how [TS]

  you're going to handle broke i was act i [TS]

  was cultivating this for a long time I [TS]

  walk down and I walked into the north [TS]

  face store and I don't know if you've [TS]

  been into a north face store but their [TS]

  job now as north north they seized it [TS]

  their job is to sell puffy jackets to [TS]

  Japanese college students like that they [TS]

  have no they have no their connection to [TS]

  the outdoors is just that they have [TS]

  giant pictures of people scaling [TS]

  mountains up on the wall of their store [TS]

  but if you look around the store it's [TS]

  all coeds it's sorority girls buying [TS]

  puffy jackets that's what they do [TS]

  I walk in istambul the store and i've [TS]

  got i still have leaves and sticks in my [TS]

  hair and and I I swear to you I could [TS]

  cut through three inches of steel with [TS]

  my eyeballs and this this little sales [TS]

  girl walks over she's like I can help [TS]

  you and I said I just walked from [TS]

  amsterdam to stand pool with your shitty [TS]

  backpack and it broke halfway through [TS]

  and I was out there in the field i was [TS]

  like one of these guys on the mountain [TS]

  let you have up here on the wall and I [TS]

  trusted your gear and it let me down and [TS]

  I demand satisfaction [TS]

  and she said arm okay well what can we [TS]

  tell me what can we do can we do you [TS]

  want to return the bag and I said no I [TS]

  don't want to return it [TS]

  I don't want to return it I did enough [TS]

  that I demand satisfaction and she was [TS]

  like let me call a manager and so the [TS]

  guy comes over he's like can I help you [TS]

  I'm like and i tell my story again in a [TS]

  rising voice and he's like well here's [TS]

  what we can do we can give you a new bag [TS]

  and I was like oh you'll give me a new [TS]

  bag but had demand satisfaction and he [TS]

  was like well what do you want and I was [TS]

  like what i want is a refund of my money [TS]

  for this bag a new bag for free and an [TS]

  apology and he was like well who he [TS]

  can't we can't do that and I started to [TS]

  rant and understanding in the store [TS]

  ranting there was a time when outdoor [TS]

  gear was something you could stake your [TS]

  life on your hanging by a thread hanging [TS]

  by a thread and if you can't trust [TS]

  northeast gear [TS]

  what can you trust and you know these [TS]

  people were like really really running [TS]

  for cover and I stood there shaking the [TS]

  leaves out of my beard was there all [TS]

  afternoon until until I got my [TS]

  satisfaction and I was threatening to I [TS]

  was ready to write an article for The [TS]

  New York Times who say that's it that I [TS]

  was started and the Sasquatch comes to [TS]

  me right Mina hardcore northeastern [TS]

  favor me important man me demand [TS]

  satisfaction [TS]

  anyway I still so I still have the i [TS]

  still have the rotten bag and I saw the [TS]

  new bag and i still have my satisfaction [TS]

  well I was the eventual apologize to and [TS]

  what had it had it did that did that [TS]

  come as I'm sorry you're unhappy or dick [TS]

  like I'm sorry we fucked up [TS]

  yeah I will not taking I'm sorry you're [TS]

  unhappy that makes it twice as bad [TS]

  I will and and i'm sure they tried that [TS]

  and let's call it a big city apology and [TS]

  I'm sure that I started screaming at [TS]

  them even [TS]

  more although one time somebody gave me [TS]

  a big city apology and it actually [TS]

  shamed me into silence [TS]

  I was yelling at a at a concierge in a [TS]

  hotel in new york city in a wheelchair [TS]

  was yelling at them because of something [TS]

  is four o'clock in the morning I was [TS]

  yelling at them on the phone and and and [TS]

  the woman the woman was from she was [TS]

  like 55 year-old woman from Ukraine or [TS]

  something and and she was to throw for a [TS]

  while she was kind of arguing with me [TS]

  pushing back in this kind of Slavic way [TS]

  like well sir that is just our policy [TS]

  you know this type of thing and I was [TS]

  like what [TS]

  that's a bullshit policy and and and she [TS]

  she pushed back for like 3-4 minutes and [TS]

  then all of a sudden her voice dropped a [TS]

  register at you want i don't sorry sir [TS]

  you have my deepest apologies [TS]

  Oh supplicant and I it was it wasn't it [TS]

  was incredible and it stopped me in my [TS]

  tracks was like oh my goodness like this [TS]

  woman who probably has three advanced [TS]

  degrees from the Ukrainian astrophysics [TS]

  lab you know you are your fat race finds [TS]

  taking shots at people walking around [TS]

  that's right you're fat you're fat [TS]

  shirtless for a fine shooting people [TS]

  just shooting people for be enough [TS]

  people and laugh and laugh and shooting [TS]

  and all of a sudden I was like I was [TS]

  deeply ashamed because she got so she [TS]

  got so old world on me like yes sir [TS]

  absolutely right i'm gonna have my [TS]

  deepest what you said you did you give [TS]

  her a small-town apology [TS]

  no I went like well alright them so like [TS]

  your fucking Clifton Webb ok so well [TS]

  then thank you I appreciate it and yes [TS]

  well then i will be getting off the [TS]

  phone now I'm very reluctant to share a [TS]

  couple anecdotes that are related to [TS]

  this 1i base one time I man who had gone [TS]

  through our trash more times than i [TS]

  would like and made a mess basically [TS]

  threatened to have him deported [TS]

  oh wow no not directly not directly i [TS]

  stood there and took photos of him when [TS]

  acted like I was talking on the phone on [TS]

  haha which is nothing so white it's this [TS]

  can go one more is there is no other [TS]

  race in move in the world [TS]

  in the history of the world that would [TS]

  do that that is just like I hate to be [TS]

  racist [TS]

  you know there's no room in this podcast [TS]

  for racism know that now that that's [TS]

  such a San Francisco move less than a [TS]

  week ago here's how my conversation with [TS]

  somebody at a hotel desk ended [TS]

  do you have a bank account do you [TS]

  understand what it means to have a bank [TS]

  account [TS]

  haha i have the address of the vice [TS]

  president of hospitality of your owner [TS]

  go me but google me that's a good one [TS]

  that's going that unit do you follow [TS]

  screen on Twitter [TS]

  yep oh sweet moves that swing when is he [TS]

  stood over he's from you know he's from [TS]

  these from canadian canadian is a [TS]

  canadian money up there is such a great [TS]

  twitter is very very smart person to I [TS]

  really love his voice or whatever and [TS]

  and also his wife damsel esque she's [TS]

  cute as a bug's ear [TS]

  yes she is and and she has considerably [TS]

  fewer followers then swing he has like a [TS]

  million different teacher he's been [TS]

  featured in that quarter away where it's [TS]

  like you get auto auto thing I think [TS]

  there's a lot of lot of pressure I I [TS]

  would never want that that's what he [TS]

  wants but he maintains he maintains a [TS]

  very humorous person online i like [TS]

  inversion usually good-natured hey I [TS]

  remember some event a few months ago [TS]

  where damsel asked was because it's nice [TS]

  to fall it's nice to follow both members [TS]

  of a couple on twitter because you can [TS]

  see their little relationship play out [TS]

  and she was in some situations some [TS]

  situation which he was like do you know [TS]

  how many followers my husband has a [TS]

  better go him and I think but oh that's [TS]

  so good because they're there are people [TS]

  there are people whose job it is to care [TS]

  and then there are the vast majority of [TS]

  people in the world who are like who you [TS]

  what you have but here's the thing John [TS]

  and this is why you're a better man than [TS]

  me [TS]

  I mean at least you walked across Europe [TS]

  like I have I have I have when I hear [TS]

  i'm waiting for my small town apology [TS]

  and my money back and my 950 dollars [TS]

  back that you held on my card [TS]

  no offense [TS]

  I become a person i do not want to be [TS]

  yeah yeah so I give you another sign [TS]

  this is another sign off as long as I'm [TS]

  staring all my dirty laundry [TS]

  I had a call with AT&T the end with and [TS]

  you know what a hundred and sixty [TS]

  thousand people are about to find out [TS]

  how much cock you suck haha take that a [TS]

  TD and then I felt like you with the the [TS]

  Ukrainian immigrant right like oh that's [TS]

  not a problem google me what the fuck [TS]

  does that even mean google me google the [TS]

  big city apology for you meet them [TS]

  oh you know there's a part of me that [TS]

  wants to be the most famous person that [TS]

  ever graduated from my highschool one of [TS]

  the great men and I'm and I'm i think i [TS]

  may already be but i'm not sure about [TS]

  this because I don't know that is one of [TS]

  those like little gingerbread like [TS]

  little red schoolhouse type things [TS]

  no no Michael kids with Farm accidents [TS]

  and a girl who is eventually gonna have [TS]

  anorexia local we use the star of the [TS]

  show [TS]

  this is the thing about Alaska is the [TS]

  thing this is the thing about Alaska [TS]

  yeah my high school had like like 2,000 [TS]

  kids it was a massive me too [TS]

  we didn't city high school right a 600 [TS]

  and 600 66 kids in my entering freshman [TS]

  class for all I know there's a Nobel [TS]

  laureate from my high school and [TS]

  actually i think i think there is a guy [TS]

  from a couple of classes ahead of me [TS]

  that wrote a best-selling novel so that [TS]

  he may I may not [TS]

  he may not be more famous XD Larson but [TS]

  he's certainly like it is not steal [TS]

  arson but he certainly accomplished i [TS]

  mean there are plenty of people who from [TS]

  my highschool accomplished i wanted i [TS]

  wanted to be a slam dunk I want people [TS]

  to think when they think like East High [TS]

  School in Anchorage who graduated from [TS]

  there [TS]

  oh well there's only one need to know [TS]

  and i'm still a long way from that I [TS]

  don't know how to get there is no way is [TS]

  west is West High School where I'm sorry [TS]

  it's less high school randy rhoads [TS]

  played west high schools where Randy [TS]

  Rhoads plane and West High School was [TS]

  originally Anchorage high school there [TS]

  was only one and then when they built [TS]

  East the second high school when they [TS]

  renamed Anchorage here Jocassee your Joe [TS]

  Kennedy not joking around your Edward [TS]

  Kennedy you like little guy [TS]

  God why can't you pick a better Kennedy [TS]

  for me to be huge like maybe they've all [TS]

  passed i think i'd like to be the guy [TS]

  rosemary is really like your junior Joe [TS]

  Jr who died in a in a catastrophic [TS]

  explosion on a suicide mission and a [TS]

  bomber over Europe you know junior died [TS]

  right Glenn Miller well no they had been [TS]

  there was this project where they were [TS]

  they loaded up like a b-17 or a [TS]

  Lancaster bomber privilege men are they [TS]

  loaded the they loaded the thing up with [TS]

  explosives the entire thing was just a [TS]

  giant bomb and the and the mission was [TS]

  to fly it over and just it was like a it [TS]

  was like a kamikaze airplane except the [TS]

  pilot was supposed to bail out what is [TS]

  this is gonna hit the silk we thought [TS]

  this was a good idea i was so it was [TS]

  World War two that we're still figuring [TS]

  it is that is a shitting in shameful [TS]

  strategy so Joe Kennedy volunteers for [TS]

  this mission because he's conscious of [TS]

  being groomed to one day be the [TS]

  president of the United States this is [TS]

  the one who's that sighs ones like the [TS]

  favorite son right this is the oldest [TS]

  you have a favorite song right and [TS]

  Jack's the one Jack's got all kinds of [TS]

  diseases and Hodgman disease and share [TS]

  right Jax Jax like Jackson given what's [TS]

  called management's disease what it [TS]

  wants to charge can I think he had I [TS]

  think he had a hat Addison had his [TS]

  punishments diseases where you grow an [TS]

  incongruous mustache that doesn't match [TS]

  your hair color [TS]

  yeah but in any case he's flying over [TS]

  the English Channel sticking this is [TS]

  gonna look this is gonna look great in [TS]

  this is amazing i'm gonna bail out of [TS]

  this thing and it's gonna and I'm gonna [TS]

  fly this plane into a dam or something i [TS]

  don't remember what the mission was but [TS]

  halfway over the English Channel they [TS]

  they you know they're on the radio like [TS]

  all right it's a turn on the servos or [TS]

  flip this flip the the the primer switch [TS]

  or something and they flipped the switch [TS]

  there's electrical short and the thing [TS]

  blows up into a billion pieces over the [TS]

  English Channel with a fortnightly they [TS]

  set it off remotely no no that it was an [TS]

  accident they like he slipped the wrong [TS]

  switch for the for the thing had a [TS]

  electrical short or something [TS]

  he was just getting it he was just like [TS]

  getting it ready and they're like oh [TS]

  oops [TS]

  that's that's awful what a terrible and [TS]

  II think he knew it was coming [TS]

  no I find I think he was a Kennedy I [TS]

  think it was like haha uh on guard a [TS]

  slim pickins and yeah that's right yeah [TS]

  and he was you know he was ready to he [TS]

  was ready to be thought he was gonna be [TS]

  back in London the next night getting [TS]

  toasted in the mayfair that's miserable [TS]

  instead he's vaporized and then Jack was [TS]

  like oops me to me huh he got over his [TS]

  Hodgkin's disease and put people on a [TS]

  leather strap him to the ground now is [TS]

  it that happen today we have a big i [TS]

  have a model of pt 109 right here in the [TS]

  room with me that a but I've had since I [TS]

  was a kid like I unsung pt-109 you on [TS]

  some PT seems a little optimistically [TS]

  you might be more appropriate to have [TS]

  the one that went down well actually [TS]

  this one I played with it so hard as a [TS]

  kid that it actually would not float now [TS]

  it is it it's more it's closer to the [TS]

  wrecked pt-109 that drained of its [TS]

  brilliancy i have i've taken its [TS]

  buoyancy it'sit's now it's not a replica [TS]

  it's a replica of the one on the bottom [TS]

  of the ocean [TS]

  heyy in philadelphia terry grossest [TS]

  freshing shame before you meet him I [TS]

  like big city apology lots have these [TS]

  fucking shrimp [TS]

  yeah you've got like the next couple of [TS]

  days oh well my friends guys are getting [TS]

  to get all guide are you getting sponge [TS]

  I got spongy my other friend sent me a [TS]

  text with a picture of its sailboat here [TS]

  you better get going pretty ready [TS]

  looks like a fixed keel fiberglass 21 [TS]

  footer they want to fix kill I'm just [TS]

  saying I'm just saying that like first [TS]

  first blush i'm gonna stay 21 feet even [TS]

  an eyeball that you can have all that [TS]

  from a text message [TS]

  yeah I think you could you get overnight [TS]

  on this boat women love a fixed keel in [TS]

  my in my experience they certainly do [TS]

  although again I don't know what women [TS]

  want [TS]

  here's the thing itself in [TS]

  here's the thing have you decided what [TS]

  boots you're wearing I I'm you know I [TS]

  think today I'm gonna wear some [TS]

  underwear some work boots not some dress [TS]

  boots because I'm just suddenly out of [TS]

  what you basically being an extremely [TS]

  heterosexual men of the village people i [TS]

  think today I'm gonna go to construction [TS]

  work going construction worker today [TS]

  because the other day I was walking out [TS]

  of my house and I saw that the moles got [TS]

  all your moles I got moles and and i've [TS]

  been i've been fighting the molds for [TS]

  years and the moles and I kind of had a [TS]

  truce like all right I understand their [TS]

  moles in the graveyard mold a talent [TS]

  I'm not I'm not I'm not going to be one [TS]

  of those people who's out here obsessed [TS]

  with the moles but most are not going to [TS]

  let moles just piled dirt up of their [TS]

  own accord you know like if if if i [TS]

  seemed old dirt [TS]

  I'm gonna go jump on it and in that way [TS]

  they're gonna know that like that i'm [TS]

  aware that they're there and they need [TS]

  to keep a low profile but I went out the [TS]

  other day they had you know it up [TS]

  anymore they had piled they had built [TS]

  like they had built a chicken it's a [TS]

  mound in my front yard [TS]

  I that was like what's that mean that [TS]

  the chicken it's a red kitchen it's the [TS]

  the Mayan temple in the Cynthia and the [TS]

  and your most made it might have made a [TS]

  Mayan temple that they made that they [TS]

  made a double power they're out there [TS]

  with a fork and mash potatoes making [TS]

  this big thing in my front yard and I [TS]

  was like thank you but that's your third [TS]

  that's that's your state land that's [TS]

  when you said this is a line that you [TS]

  will not cross you said you've got to be [TS]

  fucking kidding me you're building a [TS]

  temple your building multiple yeah [TS]

  you're supposed to keep a low profile [TS]

  this is de tanto feel like we haven't we [TS]

  had an agreement like you guys I wasn't [TS]

  going to come out here with like mole [TS]

  traps but you can't just like colonize [TS]

  my front yard so I have to go out there [TS]

  in my boots and really let them know I [TS]

  don't know what I'm gonna do maybe I'm [TS]

  maybe I'm gonna stick a hose down and [TS]

  drown them out or something about morals [TS]

  you should dress is an Indian huh [TS]

  ok [TS]

  like sleep that is named Philippe [TS]

  Philippe don't Caddyshack now haha sorry [TS]

  I think I think I think it out there on [TS]

  briar isn't fleet the Indian wasn't his [TS]

  name [TS]

  I'm not sure that Philippe is an Indian [TS]

  name that's not my point i think Glen [TS]

  Glen Oak Lane he's now with your guitar [TS]

  store we see the leather man oh where [TS]

  we're talking about Village People [TS]

  yes gentlemen I have all the the head [TS]

  here's the thing which people of all the [TS]

  headgear that i have here an Indian [TS]

  headdress is one that I blacking you [TS]

  know for a long time I went through this [TS]

  phase where I was or where I would be [TS]

  dating a girl and I would you know [TS]

  there's a certain moment you have to [TS]

  wait for the moment to ask the girl [TS]

  you're dating to dress like Pocahontas [TS]

  you can't do that like first date [TS]

  you can't even do that it's not even in [TS]

  the first month but at a certain point [TS]

  you kind of sneaking into conversation [TS]

  like no everything is inflating simply [TS]

  gets the highest have your have you ever [TS]

  thought about dressing up for Halloween [TS]

  this Pocahontas or four not Halloween [TS]

  and you know some some girls are more [TS]

  game than others some like Sacagawea but [TS]

  but as time went on I realized that I [TS]

  didn't it wasn't really about Pocahontas [TS]

  that the historical character I was not [TS]

  it was not a role-playing thing [TS]

  yeah I just like loincloths [TS]

  I didn't have to go to this whole like [TS]

  Pocahontas thing [TS]

  [Music] [TS]