Roderick on the Line

Ep. 10: "They Usually Come in the Mornings"


00:00:00   hello hi John how are you hi Merlin was [TS]

00:00:10   going it's going pretty well I haven't [TS]

00:00:15   been getting a ton of sleep now really [TS]

00:00:18   yeah you've been eating cake I've been [TS]

00:00:22   even cake certain a certain kind you [TS]

00:00:25   stocked up on [TS]

00:00:26   well I well it's pumpkin pie season so I [TS]

00:00:29   have them have a pumpkin pie but I also [TS]

00:00:31   i have a chocolate cake too [TS]

00:00:33   or what's left of the chocolate cake I [TS]

00:00:34   worked my way through a pretty fast I [TS]

00:00:36   can't get into your house [TS]

00:00:38   well in this case I made it I made a [TS]

00:00:41   chocolate cake i sat down knowingly and [TS]

00:00:45   produced fifteen thousand calories of [TS]

00:00:50   chocolate cake for myself [TS]

00:00:52   actually it was a birthday cake I made [TS]

00:00:53   for a friend that then I just kept the [TS]

00:00:57   majority of so many questions I mean I I [TS]

00:01:04   did cut it you I did cut a portion of it [TS]

00:01:06   out and put it in a Tupperware container [TS]

00:01:08   and give it to her and said and i said [TS]

00:01:11   happy birthday but most of the cake was [TS]

00:01:13   it clearly cut from Elijah cake just [TS]

00:01:16   give somebody a partial part a cake she [TS]

00:01:19   was standing there and said that's my [TS]

00:01:21   that's my birthday cake right I'm gonna [TS]

00:01:24   give that to me [TS]

00:01:25   not yet to take and i said i'll give you [TS]

00:01:28   some and I got cut her off a out a [TS]

00:01:32   healthy portion [TS]

00:01:34   not the majority of it my first my first [TS]

00:01:37   thought I'm sorry used to alcohol [TS]

00:01:38   references my first thought was being [TS]

00:01:40   the guy who arrives with the 12 pack of [TS]

00:01:43   busch light that has two beers left in [TS]

00:01:45   it but but then i was reminded of as you [TS]

00:01:49   know one of that one of the great films [TS]

00:01:50   vacation when when randy quaid says the [TS]

00:01:54   Chevy Chase I bet you could use a cool [TS]

00:01:56   one in their hands in the beer that he's [TS]

00:01:58   been drinking [TS]

00:01:59   mhm now I'm not saying it's the same [TS]

00:02:01   thing I know you're not you're not [TS]

00:02:02   you're not a drinker but with the cake [TS]

00:02:04   cut when she wrote that i did walk [TS]

00:02:06   through a part of the other day and say [TS]

00:02:08   you know address the room and say [TS]

00:02:09   anybody want some [TS]

00:02:11   anybody want a cup of coffee I'm i got [TS]

00:02:13   coffee i was making a pot in the other [TS]

00:02:15   room and a bunch of people turned to me [TS]

00:02:17   and then I noticed house holding a I was [TS]

00:02:19   just holding it like a Starbucks cup [TS]

00:02:22   right look down on me and I was like I [TS]

00:02:26   mean I got the last little bit here [TS]

00:02:28   anybody want some no takers no I think [TS]

00:02:32   I'm parties you go to that not a lot I I [TS]

00:02:34   mean I know you live in and in this is [TS]

00:02:37   specifically a city that is obsessed [TS]

00:02:38   with coffee by the parties the parties [TS]

00:02:41   that you walk through making [TS]

00:02:43   announcements now are most people [TS]

00:02:44   they're having a having a cocktail not [TS]

00:02:47   sure that they're having coffee drinks [TS]

00:02:48   at the party [TS]

00:02:49   no they were having cocktails but I you [TS]

00:02:50   know I even when I was a drinker if [TS]

00:02:53   someone walked through the party and [TS]

00:02:54   said i just made a pot of coffee does [TS]

00:02:56   anybody want one [TS]

00:02:57   nobody so well nobody said I wanted that [TS]

00:02:58   but it said hello yes this is the best [TS]

00:03:01   party I've ever been to [TS]

00:03:03   yeah copy Mustangs and handjobs like who [TS]

00:03:05   says no there's a yes of course I'll [TS]

00:03:07   have coffee Tyler I like this one lady [TS]

00:03:09   was pregnant I haven't we had a class [TS]

00:03:11   and and there's a couple things I took [TS]

00:03:13   away that were actually really useful in [TS]

00:03:15   a life way and one of the things that [TS]

00:03:17   this woman said it was really smart [TS]

00:03:19   liking your wife's gonna be like dealing [TS]

00:03:20   with a lot of stuff washes you know [TS]

00:03:22   pregnancy stuff like it never asked if [TS]

00:03:25   you should wash the dishes like it would [TS]

00:03:27   have you can you imagine a scenario in [TS]

00:03:29   which the personally with says no please [TS]

00:03:31   save them for me right [TS]

00:03:33   never asked to wash dishes and never ask [TS]

00:03:35   someone if they want a glass of water [TS]

00:03:36   because everybody always wants a glass [TS]

00:03:38   of water [TS]

00:03:38   worst-case scenario you have a glass [TS]

00:03:40   with water in it that you've got to [TS]

00:03:42   throw out you still gotta clean glass [TS]

00:03:44   that's all I'm saying you're you're this [TS]

00:03:45   is a this is a thing [TS]

00:03:47   isn't check out a card this is a thing [TS]

00:03:49   it really is because the this is an [TS]

00:03:53   ongoing thing that first of all that's [TS]

00:03:55   true of your left trigger woman when [TS]

00:03:56   she's pregnant but it's also true of any [TS]

00:03:59   woman anytime cowboy hat but the but the [TS]

00:04:04   but my pet peeve is when someone comes [TS]

00:04:06   when you're making dinner and someone [TS]

00:04:07   says would you like something to drink [TS]

00:04:10   I got off making better right [TS]

00:04:13   and-and-and-and my lady friend will say [TS]

00:04:17   would you like something to drink with [TS]

00:04:19   dinner of course the answer is always [TS]

00:04:23   the same [TS]

00:04:24   yes I would you know kind of a kind of [TS]

00:04:27   beverage to have in a container while [TS]

00:04:29   you're consuming the meal not not not as [TS]

00:04:31   in like that like Mickey's big mouth but [TS]

00:04:33   like as it like do you want a liquid to [TS]

00:04:35   have with your meal would you like some [TS]

00:04:36   liquid only in China only in China do [TS]

00:04:38   they not do that and that that's a [TS]

00:04:39   humorous issue [TS]

00:04:40   yeah oh well well I'm not and I would [TS]

00:04:43   and I would i would suggest that the [TS]

00:04:45   Chinese are you know they're doing [TS]

00:04:47   they're doing a different thing [TS]

00:04:48   let's circle back to that um they're [TS]

00:04:50   doing a different thing because they are [TS]

00:04:52   that they're they consider broth a [TS]

00:04:56   cocktail food [TS]

00:04:57   ok so you're late your lady asked you if [TS]

00:05:00   you want something to drink [TS]

00:05:01   would you like something to drink and [TS]

00:05:02   then and then the follow-up question as [TS]

00:05:06   always i'm going to have some lemonade [TS]

00:05:09   would you like would you like some [TS]

00:05:12   lemonade and that it's a it's a it's an [TS]

00:05:17   ongoing thing now where I have to say [TS]

00:05:19   each time i will i will have what you [TS]

00:05:22   are having every time i will have what [TS]

00:05:27   you are having [TS]

00:05:28   don't ever ask me if I want something [TS]

00:05:32   separate [TS]

00:05:35   have you ever have you ever asked for [TS]

00:05:36   something different does she have a [TS]

00:05:38   reason to fear you may be a part of [TS]

00:05:39   every month at well you know she has a [TS]

00:05:42   reason to fear milk sorry let's but I [TS]

00:05:44   mean is our education centers of think [TS]

00:05:46   well I mean it's nice and cool down good [TS]

00:05:50   ventilation but did you guys ever been a [TS]

00:05:52   time when you said for fuck's sake of [TS]

00:05:54   course I don't want your fucking pisses [TS]

00:05:56   lemonade [TS]

00:05:56   what's that what's interesting about [TS]

00:05:58   what's happening to me right now [TS]

00:05:59   you can hear me you can hear my brain [TS]

00:06:02   actually working as I'm trying to [TS]

00:06:03   describe this because because because i [TS]

00:06:06   had a conversation just a few days ago [TS]

00:06:08   where she said when you're doing your [TS]

00:06:10   podcast do you ever think that what [TS]

00:06:12   you're saying is that i'm going to hear [TS]

00:06:16   it that it's about me that I'm going to [TS]

00:06:18   hear what you say and you never never [TS]

00:06:20   think that never thought I had happened [TS]

00:06:22   I said at the time of course not why [TS]

00:06:24   would I make why would I make it harder [TS]

00:06:26   on myself why would I make a podcast [TS]

00:06:28   harder on myself because I was thinking [TS]

00:06:30   about how you are going to receive [TS]

00:06:31   something I said through through the [TS]

00:06:36   internet you know and now you can hear [TS]

00:06:38   me sitting here having said that now I'm [TS]

00:06:40   thinking about see you open that door I [TS]

00:06:43   did for sure somehow the door got opened [TS]

00:06:45   and now i'm sitting here thinking about [TS]

00:06:46   how to phrase this in a way that she's [TS]

00:06:50   not going to she doesn't listen this [TS]

00:06:52   sideshow she's gonna listen to the [TS]

00:06:53   National well after will know she does [TS]

00:06:55   it every time and then she comes migos [TS]

00:06:57   that's interesting what you said about [TS]

00:06:58   them who but the mechanic after you [TS]

00:07:01   reframe on that John Ryder Cup just 2 [TS]

00:07:03   i'd like to start over fresh start early [TS]

00:07:07   / yeah well and just say I got a little [TS]

00:07:10   own cake follow up here but we'll get [TS]

00:07:13   back to that and I think it's important [TS]

00:07:18   for everyone including you to understand [TS]

00:07:20   that you are here to help people and I [TS]

00:07:21   think the ways that you help people can [TS]

00:07:24   be can be can be what Legion myriad [TS]

00:07:26   multitudinous I think there are many [TS]

00:07:28   ways i think the american legion just [TS]

00:07:31   your being there above beneath the sink [TS]

00:07:33   wherever you are offering her something [TS]

00:07:35   perhaps in a metal bowl and what's clean [TS]

00:07:38   with a damp cloth you're offering her [TS]

00:07:39   help on levels that both of you may not [TS]

00:07:43   even know she in particular needs [TS]

00:07:45   I think the kind of help that you give [TS]

00:07:47   her with pillow talk with wiping off the [TS]

00:07:49   seat with it with with whatever [TS]

00:07:51   quarterly brushing your teeth or [TS]

00:07:52   whatever it is you do you're obviously [TS]

00:07:53   helping her in the certain ways in the [TS]

00:07:55   same sense that you would not take the [TS]

00:07:56   pillow talk and put it into an RSS feed [TS]

00:07:58   the technical term I think what you're [TS]

00:08:00   offering here is is you're giving her a [TS]

00:08:02   kind of reframing you're giving her a [TS]

00:08:03   grace note a sort of oj you're giving [TS]

00:08:05   her a UH an ex libris something that she [TS]

00:08:09   will be able to take away that would not [TS]

00:08:10   have come up while she was looking for [TS]

00:08:12   you'll understand i mean i mean i just [TS]

00:08:15   got here's the thing i don't want you to [TS]

00:08:16   self-edit because I've worried that if [TS]

00:08:18   you solve that if you start indeed [TS]

00:08:19   thinking inaudible way it could [TS]

00:08:22   potentially cut very deeply into the [TS]

00:08:24   penetration of what you have to metaphor [TS]

00:08:27   with its it's so it's so terrible as you [TS]

00:08:30   thought about that I don't hear your [TS]

00:08:31   brain move but if you really thought I [TS]

00:08:32   mean if you thought about the the sake [TS]

00:08:34   of the people you're trying to reach [TS]

00:08:35   I can't as soon as I start to think I've [TS]

00:08:37   become I become a garbled and and I scan [TS]

00:08:42   here right now I'm reading a book about [TS]

00:08:44   this you know reading a book about this [TS]

00:08:45   right here we start yeah the this [TS]

00:08:47   happens to me when I was in my writing [TS]

00:08:49   to as soon as i sit down well and try [TS]

00:08:52   and write about particularly about [TS]

00:08:55   politics as soon as I start to write [TS]

00:09:00   about politics all the humor goes out of [TS]

00:09:02   me [TS]

00:09:03   counting now just like a big pitching a [TS]

00:09:05   big hard right in the punch bowl [TS]

00:09:07   it's terrible i I just right i just [TS]

00:09:09   write this like really pedantic and and [TS]

00:09:13   and pedagogical blah-de-blah lots of [TS]

00:09:19   greek words that are magic yeah it's the [TS]

00:09:22   road down i like but I can throw down 25 [TS]

00:09:24   pages of this stuff and then i read it [TS]

00:09:26   back and I'm just like my own eyes are [TS]

00:09:29   glazing over at the first reread oh and [TS]

00:09:33   it's because i'm thinking all this is [TS]

00:09:35   gonna this is really gonna this is gonna [TS]

00:09:38   flip the pancake you-know-who and uh uh [TS]

00:09:41   but also part of the reason that I'm [TS]

00:09:44   that I think I'm stuttering and they [TS]

00:09:46   sound garbled is that I I mean a lot of [TS]

00:09:48   cake [TS]

00:09:49   I've been arguing a lot of cake but I [TS]

00:09:50   haven't been sleeping the last of four [TS]

00:09:52   nights I haven't i've got like three [TS]

00:09:53   hours of sleep a night to come back to [TS]

00:09:55   this I want to come back I want to come [TS]

00:09:56   back to the eating and sleeping because [TS]

00:09:57   i have to tell you John have an [TS]

00:09:59   extremely strong position on both eating [TS]

00:10:01   and sleeping know you do i would never [TS]

00:10:03   get your twin totems okay but the thing [TS]

00:10:06   is it's you know it's it's it's like [TS]

00:10:08   masturbation or saving money you can do [TS]

00:10:10   too much you can do okay so there's a [TS]

00:10:13   balance to be struck here are you [TS]

00:10:14   sleeping the right amount of eating the [TS]

00:10:15   right amount don't answer that [TS]

00:10:17   um I agree with you on the politics [TS]

00:10:19   first college wanna mention this in [TS]

00:10:20   passing i'm reading a book right now [TS]

00:10:21   called Thinking Fast and Slow [TS]

00:10:23   that is iĆ­ve read maybe five pages of [TS]

00:10:26   it but ok sounds like a TED talk but you [TS]

00:10:29   know what it's like that but good and so [TS]

00:10:31   it's this it's this guy who's been [TS]

00:10:33   around i don't know for the last 40 [TS]

00:10:34   years he's been doing a lot of like me [TS]

00:10:36   you've heard the term availability [TS]

00:10:38   heuristic where an availability [TS]

00:10:40   heuristic if you heard that term I cab [TS]

00:10:44   from array it rains every time you wash [TS]

00:10:46   your car out sir [TS]

00:10:48   people tend to get divorced and I'm [TS]

00:10:50   being slightly wrong you can never just [TS]

00:10:52   find something we used i don't know i'm [TS]

00:10:54   not sure what kind of let you go to [TS]

00:10:55   google that but you can probably find [TS]

00:10:56   out the precise meaning but he's the guy [TS]

00:10:58   who with his a scholarship partner came [TS]

00:11:01   up with the term has come up with a lot [TS]

00:11:02   of these ideas about how intuition i [TS]

00:11:06   basically by his two levels of thinking [TS]

00:11:08   that we do i won't go into this because [TS]

00:11:09   as you know i'm i'm not a cognitive [TS]

00:11:11   psychologist but it's super interesting [TS]

00:11:13   idea and I think what's happening John [TS]

00:11:14   right there [TS]

00:11:15   I think it's what you in the music [TS]

00:11:16   business call feedback i think what's [TS]

00:11:18   happening is you're hearing yourself [TS]

00:11:19   thinking and you're thinking about [TS]

00:11:20   thinking and you're not really being [TS]

00:11:22   John you're being met John and not like [TS]

00:11:24   that John [TS]

00:11:25   well he's not as interesting as John [TS]

00:11:26   prime really not i don't like melodrama [TS]

00:11:29   he comes around and he's thinking about [TS]

00:11:31   towards when used when you think slow is [TS]

00:11:34   when you get fucked up i don't know if [TS]

00:11:36   that's a problem or a sync problem i [TS]

00:11:38   just know that when you think you're in [TS]

00:11:39   big fucking trouble you're a smart guy [TS]

00:11:41   and you shouldn't have to think I'm in [TS]

00:11:42   trouble when I think it's absolutely [TS]

00:11:43   true and and plenty of fish there's [TS]

00:11:46   plenty of fish without by an extranet [TS]

00:11:47   John thinking has never solved any [TS]

00:11:50   problems for me it's never going out of [TS]

00:11:51   trouble thinking is always the it's [TS]

00:11:54   always the thing in between sleeping and [TS]

00:11:56   doing tar-baby start building the worst [TS]

00:11:59   problem here now wait a minute we've [TS]

00:12:00   been accused of racism a lot in this [TS]

00:12:02   podcast probably just by blacks my [TS]

00:12:05   concern is the politics thing onyx i [TS]

00:12:08   will tell you I think I've told you this [TS]

00:12:10   before but I went to like a alternate [TS]

00:12:13   politics i would end up going to what is [TS]

00:12:17   regarded at least in public colleges as [TS]

00:12:19   a pretty good school like a way better [TS]

00:12:21   school than I could have ever gotten [TS]

00:12:23   into it was like the Florida technical [TS]

00:12:25   academy for the Florida version of a [TS]

00:12:27   good school which you know I sure like [TS]

00:12:29   Florida version of a jumbo shrimp rice [TS]

00:12:32   military operation of fashion a good [TS]

00:12:34   fashion the Florida there [TS]

00:12:35   that's the anything that has fashioned [TS]

00:12:37   in the name is necessarily not [TS]

00:12:39   fashionable i was in line waiting for [TS]

00:12:41   prescription at walgreens like I am so [TS]

00:12:42   many days and I and I was standing there [TS]

00:12:44   waiting and I i looked and i hanging on [TS]

00:12:48   one of those little things by the [TS]

00:12:49   checkout but was fashioned contact lens [TS]

00:12:52   case [TS]

00:12:53   oh sure when you get developers flashing [TS]

00:12:54   LED flashlight for your keychain right I [TS]

00:12:57   think that's one that was one of those [TS]

00:12:59   words it just means that it's the [TS]

00:13:00   opposite of what's there [TS]

00:13:01   well except fashionista does who are [TS]

00:13:04   genuinely fashion back I'll and also [TS]

00:13:07   revolutionary do you see Stan much they [TS]

00:13:10   mean to you up to you so let's fix that [TS]

00:13:11   a lot you don't do that a lot to you i [TS]

00:13:13   don't i don't use because i can tell you [TS]

00:13:15   who probably does that a lot [TS]

00:13:16   I don't even need to tell you this you [TS]

00:13:17   know probably adds east into a lot of [TS]

00:13:19   words who Gloria Estefan close as flinch [TS]

00:13:24   moving on when I don't get him saying [TS]

00:13:27   that I latest movie East no no you know [TS]

00:13:31   how to respect for the sandanista [TS]

00:13:33   movement I don't squander the east the [TS]

00:13:36   suffix you just literally gave me the [TS]

00:13:38   greatest segue in the history of the [TS]

00:13:39   world literally because because when i [TS]

00:13:41   was trying to get into this school I [TS]

00:13:43   applied to really three schools i [TS]

00:13:45   applied to the public university that [TS]

00:13:48   was in tampa which is kind of like a [TS]

00:13:50   kind of high school with ashtrays and [TS]

00:13:52   then i apply to this really university [TS]

00:13:54   or tpd university of south florida no [TS]

00:13:57   offense its don't worry don't worry [TS]

00:13:58   these guys they don't have computers [TS]

00:13:59   sure and i went to a place called [TS]

00:14:01   Rollins in orlando well which is like a [TS]

00:14:04   fancy lad school where the Galaxy at the [TS]

00:14:06   intercept and then applied to the school [TS]

00:14:08   that I got into could never afford to go [TS]

00:14:11   to the one in orlando even though they [TS]

00:14:13   gave me a big grant the essay that I [TS]

00:14:15   wrote for them that i cannot even [TS]

00:14:17   believe I ended up getting me accepted [TS]

00:14:20   are you ready for this and it was on why [TS]

00:14:22   the US should not be in Nicaragua all I [TS]

00:14:25   was I was this morning huge oh my god it [TS]

00:14:28   was up and I know what I almost use that [TS]

00:14:31   so so interested was I in my own [TS]

00:14:35   opinions about these things that I [TS]

00:14:36   almost use that as my essay to get into [TS]

00:14:39   the good school and for some reason on [TS]

00:14:42   the fast thinking level I could never in [TS]

00:14:44   a million years tell you i did this i [TS]

00:14:45   sat down at my manual typewriter because [TS]

00:14:47   I thought it was Tom Waits [TS]

00:14:48   and I wrote a three-page essay called [TS]

00:14:51   plum knuckles and that was a slightly [TS]

00:14:54   humorous essay about how my family [TS]

00:14:56   wanted me to quit cracking my knuckles [TS]

00:14:57   and i wrote a way to call it was that [TS]

00:15:00   where Jeong Rob John Hodgman fabulous i [TS]

00:15:03   made a kind of fantastic version of what [TS]

00:15:04   would happen to me if I kept cracking my [TS]

00:15:06   knuckles it was marginally funny [TS]

00:15:09   it wouldn't be finding by today's [TS]

00:15:10   standards introduction of a good school [TS]

00:15:12   and for the love of Christ and you know [TS]

00:15:14   what they said they said well first of [TS]

00:15:15   all like you're five percenter like [TS]

00:15:17   you're one of those like helmet kids [TS]

00:15:19   were pretty sure it's going to have to [TS]

00:15:20   leave but we're going to give you a shot [TS]

00:15:22   and you know y SI ya failed due to [TS]

00:15:26   failed two classes when I was a senior i [TS]

00:15:27   felt ocean science and music theory i [TS]

00:15:29   told you this and that was that s all [TS]

00:15:31   I'm trying to say to John Rother I'm [TS]

00:15:32   sorry talking so much [TS]

00:15:34   no it's all right i just had a breed of [TS]

00:15:35   some sorry I'm trying to say is that the [TS]

00:15:38   essay let's go back to the sunset [TS]

00:15:40   magazine school you know I mean the [TS]

00:15:41   essay matters in your case the essay is [TS]

00:15:43   maybe what saved you from even getting [TS]

00:15:46   into some kind of reform school [TS]

00:15:47   you knew to write a bad essay and that [TS]

00:15:49   helped you write i'm just wondering why [TS]

00:15:51   you why it didn't occur to you to apply [TS]

00:15:52   to a school out of outside of florida [TS]

00:15:54   doe-doe rain Joe school I went to I mom [TS]

00:15:59   from modest backgrounds school I went to [TS]

00:16:00   out the door [TS]

00:16:01   including food and the bunk the whole [TS]

00:16:04   nine exclusive books hundred bucks your [TS]

00:16:06   600 lift baskets and Confederate scrip [TS]

00:16:09   so wrong with that is about five out of [TS]

00:16:12   five or six grand you had oceanography [TS]

00:16:14   classes in high school and ocean science [TS]

00:16:16   ocean science done by a very very small [TS]

00:16:19   man a very small man that I had a lot of [TS]

00:16:20   problems with all right I refused is [TS]

00:16:23   excited i've been pressed that was a [TS]

00:16:24   high school level courses at your school [TS]

00:16:26   although i guess i guess that's one of [TS]

00:16:29   the advantages of being from florida i [TS]

00:16:31   think we startled studied salinity for [TS]

00:16:32   14 weeks [TS]

00:16:33   oh because people kept getting kept [TS]

00:16:36   answering false to salt i found that i [TS]

00:16:40   found out yesterday that cocaine is [TS]

00:16:42   assault [TS]

00:16:43   are you kidding me it's got a CL in it [TS]

00:16:45   yeah well there's a version of there's a [TS]

00:16:48   version of it which is assault and then [TS]

00:16:50   there's another version which is why [TS]

00:16:52   don't they add a lot of cl HCL's like [TS]

00:16:54   the ephedrine of previous note like [TS]

00:16:56   that's in HCL was HDL do is that kind of [TS]

00:16:59   like putting in one of those little [TS]

00:17:00   packets to keep it dry [TS]

00:17:02   where's HCL destabilize that you study [TS]

00:17:04   chemistry uh you know it's a the magic [TS]

00:17:07   chloride makes its think thing in it [TS]

00:17:12   makes your she just said it makes your [TS]

00:17:15   nose all fucked up and I have no idea no [TS]

00:17:17   you know what the cocaine is a it's a [TS]

00:17:19   it's a blood vessel inhibitor I don't [TS]

00:17:22   know what to do I don't know why there's [TS]

00:17:23   some that are salts and some that are I [TS]

00:17:25   just know that when you're free basing [TS]

00:17:26   it the basic version of it is not [TS]

00:17:29   assault as opposed to the acidic version [TS]

00:17:33   you i'm just guessing John in the day we [TS]

00:17:38   don't have time to go into this in [TS]

00:17:39   detail we got a lot of things to cover [TS]

00:17:40   here [TS]

00:17:41   yeah but i'm guessing when you went to [TS]

00:17:42   parties in the day when you really went [TS]

00:17:45   the fuck two parties you are you're not [TS]

00:17:47   asking about the acidity or baseness of [TS]

00:17:48   a given thing on a plate that was in [TS]

00:17:50   lines maybe I'd Frampton record you guys [TS]

00:17:52   have mirrors what did you use when [TS]

00:17:54   you're I was grunge era cocaine know [TS]

00:17:56   that that you know i came late to [TS]

00:17:58   cocaine I uh the the think the glory [TS]

00:18:02   days of cocaine the less than zero days [TS]

00:18:04   who were already passed and by the by [TS]

00:18:07   the crunch time at least in my world I [TS]

00:18:10   mean I know there's definitely lots of [TS]

00:18:13   people who were still living the dream [TS]

00:18:16   I think that's the cocaine works you [TS]

00:18:17   tend to use it for a while well yeah but [TS]

00:18:20   but but the way you use it changes and [TS]

00:18:23   now by the time I got into 10 to the [TS]

00:18:27   more serious drugs it was the crack era [TS]

00:18:30   at least at the up at the low level of [TS]

00:18:34   life that I was living room so most of [TS]

00:18:37   my cocaine and methamphetamine intake [TS]

00:18:41   was was freebasing Oh John Roderick [TS]

00:18:48   really well i mean i wasn't fancy i was [TS]

00:18:51   living a fantasy life where I was doing [TS]

00:18:53   rails of pure cocaine off of your very [TS]

00:18:56   attractive you're very practical man you [TS]

00:18:57   song hatchet song hatchet don't have a [TS]

00:19:00   story by hit your head you know we [TS]

00:19:01   shouldn't get into this now [TS]

00:19:03   now that was a bit Crocker cake or was [TS]

00:19:05   from scratch cake [TS]

00:19:06   no artist artists channel is duncan [TS]

00:19:08   hines this just because it was bumped it [TS]

00:19:11   was bumping around the closet now I'm [TS]

00:19:12   saying bumping around [TS]

00:19:14   now everything sounds like a cocaine [TS]

00:19:15   reference i thought i thought it sounded [TS]

00:19:17   like guys like a dance song pop oh no [TS]

00:19:23   that the that my problem is an end and [TS]

00:19:25   this is what my my brain is my brain is [TS]

00:19:28   shrinking because uh because I've been [TS]

00:19:32   AI haven't been sleeping [TS]

00:19:35   uh-huh yeah and you teach your trouble [TS]

00:19:38   falling asleep or staying asleep but I [TS]

00:19:40   don't have trouble staying asleep i have [TS]

00:19:42   trouble falling asleep [TS]

00:19:43   I've never been able to go to sleep but [TS]

00:19:46   it's very you've always been a Late Late [TS]

00:19:48   go to sleep / I'm a very late go to [TS]

00:19:51   sleep or but but but lately I that [TS]

00:19:53   lateness has just been prolonged to the [TS]

00:19:56   point of then its day we do the wrap [TS]

00:19:58   around again and yeah and it's in the [TS]

00:20:01   phone starts ringing in people are [TS]

00:20:02   pounding on the door and i can't i have [TS]

00:20:06   to get up after have to join the world [TS]

00:20:08   and nobody comes to my door and I'm so [TS]

00:20:11   glad [TS]

00:20:12   well your door is up a flight of stairs [TS]

00:20:13   it's hard to see from the street but [TS]

00:20:15   people come to my door because they're [TS]

00:20:17   all its other always on suicide watch [TS]

00:20:20   you know there's always somebody coming [TS]

00:20:21   by going LOL free limit for you offer [TS]

00:20:25   you still there haven't heard from you [TS]

00:20:27   in a while [TS]

00:20:28   okay goodnight over that they have a [TS]

00:20:30   name for that with the cops there's a [TS]

00:20:32   name for that what they call that a [TS]

00:20:33   service patrol let somebody with the [TS]

00:20:35   yellow that you get the yellow flight [TS]

00:20:36   you don't get the red flashing light [TS]

00:20:37   anymore its kind of a threat it's a guy [TS]

00:20:40   in a minivan [TS]

00:20:41   uh-huh it's just that's fine goes mag [TS]

00:20:44   mag and he given the high i'm gonna let [TS]

00:20:47   me see both hands John both hands [TS]

00:20:49   through the through the curtains still [TS]

00:20:51   hear the community service withdrawal [TS]

00:20:53   actually did come check up on you want [TS]

00:20:56   to talk years and years ago 1992 or [TS]

00:20:59   something like that they I the people in [TS]

00:21:02   my life had not heard from me and weeks [TS]

00:21:03   and they sent the community service [TS]

00:21:05   patrol recall for that like 511 kind of [TS]

00:21:08   thing 311 it's a I you know having never [TS]

00:21:11   called them on somebody else i have no [TS]

00:21:13   way of knowing how you can get guess [TS]

00:21:15   County Extension simply you saying [TS]

00:21:17   people you call to get skin care how [TS]

00:21:18   about at the front at the front of the [TS]

00:21:20   yellow pages in those those blue pages [TS]

00:21:23   at the front or whatever i guess that [TS]

00:21:25   the numbers in there [TS]

00:21:26   I called before digging yeah [TS]

00:21:28   skin-removal all before digging come [TS]

00:21:31   before doing in a floral you call candy [TS]

00:21:33   it's a cock gonna call candy i don't [TS]

00:21:35   know i was candy what candy left at the [TS]

00:21:37   change a lot of fucking vans [TS]

00:21:39   well ya candy was probably an [TS]

00:21:41   anachronism and an acronym it's brian an [TS]

00:21:48   Americanism uh-huh [TS]

00:21:50   Wow a skink you know I welfare check [TS]

00:21:53   that's what they call it i think it's [TS]

00:21:54   called a welfare check [TS]

00:21:55   that's when they bring the power over [TS]

00:21:56   there check they bring the Prowler over [TS]

00:21:58   there if they leave it right it they can [TS]

00:22:00   buy hasn't anybody in there okay right [TS]

00:22:03   one guys it's like guys hanging back [TS]

00:22:04   he's got his hand you know it's here [TS]

00:22:06   ya know know that it's usually it's [TS]

00:22:09   usually that they're there unarmed you [TS]

00:22:11   know they come within the guy the guy [TS]

00:22:13   doesn't have a hand on his hip he's got [TS]

00:22:15   his keys carrying a giant net in most [TS]

00:22:17   cases you know I kick you like a huge [TS]

00:22:21   net that you would use to to catch [TS]

00:22:23   skinks or whatever if they're ever seen [TS]

00:22:26   a skink know because I'm from the north [TS]

00:22:28   we don't have skinks in the north of [TS]

00:22:30   shrews choose i think phil the same [TS]

00:22:34   level up on the food chain I'm not [TS]

00:22:36   second that with a ten-foot pole [TS]

00:22:38   no not you wouldn't touch a skank with a [TS]

00:22:42   ten-foot pole it has a blue tongue the [TS]

00:22:43   skin right around the time i was getting [TS]

00:22:45   divorced my wife moved out I went out to [TS]

00:22:47   the mailbox and this is just probably [TS]

00:22:49   about a week before I moved to [TS]

00:22:51   California I don't make MIT not accurate [TS]

00:22:53   but it was in my in my head I know [TS]

00:22:54   Justin elliott smith so it must have [TS]

00:22:56   been 1999 and I am and I there was a [TS]

00:23:01   like a skink III in my memory it was [TS]

00:23:03   severed like you lost his tail but you [TS]

00:23:05   know it's kinda like just if you imagine [TS]

00:23:07   like us a pointy snake with little arms [TS]

00:23:09   and coming you know it so yeah so smooth [TS]

00:23:12   it's really it's really if i'm pretty [TS]

00:23:15   sure it's a skank and we have to but it [TS]

00:23:17   was real it was real weird looking and [TS]

00:23:19   it felt very like Marquez it felt like [TS]

00:23:21   the skin was telling me something oh [TS]

00:23:23   that's a skink i'm pretty sure it's a [TS]

00:23:24   skink it was telling you something [TS]

00:23:26   doesn't you know if you went out to your [TS]

00:23:28   mailbox right after you and your lady [TS]

00:23:29   broke up and you saw a fucking broken [TS]

00:23:31   skink by the mailbox literally by the [TS]

00:23:33   mailbox you wouldn't you take it as a [TS]

00:23:35   sign Harbinger or an omen or [TS]

00:23:37   who I i'm not sure that i am not sure i [TS]

00:23:42   would wear that dress connection when I [TS]

00:23:44   do I do [TS]

00:23:45   there are crows there are crows that [TS]

00:23:47   come around that I definitely take as [TS]

00:23:50   harbingers of closer pretty big right [TS]

00:23:53   like bigger than you think [TS]

00:23:54   crows are bigger than you think Ravens [TS]

00:23:56   are much more recent giant fucking Birds [TS]

00:23:59   in our Park that are freaking me out and [TS]

00:24:01   I thought for a while I thought they [TS]

00:24:03   were crows but not been wondering if the [TS]

00:24:05   Ravens because they're kind of the color [TS]

00:24:07   of Superman's hair that kind of [TS]

00:24:08   blue-black color [TS]

00:24:09   mmm they're scary shit and those beady [TS]

00:24:12   little older I get jon the more I'm [TS]

00:24:13   freaked out by Birds little eyes [TS]

00:24:15   yeah the little eyes on birds well a [TS]

00:24:18   raven will have a very different profile [TS]

00:24:20   than a crow a radio has a Roman nose and [TS]

00:24:24   they're big and black and also they can [TS]

00:24:27   open doors anything like introduce you [TS]

00:24:30   to producers that and also I mean you'll [TS]

00:24:35   find one in your bathroom and John [TS]

00:24:37   landsberg landsberg crowd as he opens a [TS]

00:24:39   lot of doors your raven he's very light [TS]

00:24:41   guy [TS]

00:24:41   ok is pretty polite yeah I wouldn't say [TS]

00:24:45   very polite i feel like i should be [TS]

00:24:48   differentially was very nice to me [TS]

00:24:50   no he's he's extremely polite but [TS]

00:24:53   there's happening it's man seriously a [TS]

00:24:55   pickle here United it implies that the [TS]

00:24:57   letter is a light yes it's like one of [TS]

00:24:59   his main trades and i would say [TS]

00:25:02   politeness is a substrate right okay um [TS]

00:25:06   and so basically you're saying the music [TS]

00:25:08   business there's Ravens crows and then [TS]

00:25:10   there's probably goals and pelicans [TS]

00:25:11   there you're an animal farm John can I [TS]

00:25:14   just say if you quit overthinking this [TS]

00:25:15   bullshit you could sit down and [TS]

00:25:16   literally write the next animal farm [TS]

00:25:18   except that it might be about the music [TS]

00:25:19   industry [TS]

00:25:20   these are the birds i think most people [TS]

00:25:22   in the music industry are Blue Jays [TS]

00:25:24   fourth inches inches or cute or you know [TS]

00:25:29   the the the most prominent bird [TS]

00:25:31   represented in the music industry is the [TS]

00:25:33   is the my god see what I'm see what I'm [TS]

00:25:38   up against today [TS]

00:25:39   yeah I think you gotta start thinking a [TS]

00:25:41   lot faster and not having any luck [TS]

00:25:43   thinking because of this the lack of [TS]

00:25:46   sleep and it isn't a question of [TS]

00:25:48   tiredness it's a question of brain [TS]

00:25:49   shrinkage [TS]

00:25:50   yeah see there's the problem can't few [TS]

00:25:52   nights ago this is this happens to me [TS]

00:25:54   periodically and it's gonna sound crazy [TS]

00:25:56   but but I I I get into my head about [TS]

00:26:01   UFOs now hold on bear with me [TS]

00:26:05   it's not that sounds crazy but it's not [TS]

00:26:09   i get into my LOL i hope it's not i get [TS]

00:26:11   into my head about UFOs most of the time [TS]

00:26:15   i go through life i'm i'm a i-i-i don't [TS]

00:26:17   think about UFOs and it's the it's the [TS]

00:26:20   same problem as I have with ghosts [TS]

00:26:23   I don't believe in ghosts yeah but if [TS]

00:26:25   I'm staying for a long weekend in a [TS]

00:26:28   house in Vermont that was built in [TS]

00:26:30   seventeen sixty or where the [TS]

00:26:33   Confederates the game and catch you when [TS]

00:26:34   you're here [TS]

00:26:36   exactly so let ourselves veteran [TS]

00:26:38   soldiers that came marching across the [TS]

00:26:39   park in san francisco where of course [TS]

00:26:41   there were no Confederate soldiers at [TS]

00:26:43   any time there are times when ghosts [TS]

00:26:46   present themselves and then i have to [TS]

00:26:49   have to confront her i have to [TS]

00:26:51   acknowledge that the ghosts are there [TS]

00:26:53   whether i believe in them or not this is [TS]

00:26:55   the problem [TS]

00:26:56   I don't believe in them but they're [TS]

00:26:57   sometimes when they're there you just [TS]

00:26:59   have to get you just have to acknowledge [TS]

00:27:01   that there there yes irrespective of [TS]

00:27:03   whether you believe in them or not and [TS]

00:27:05   this is the same problem i have with [TS]

00:27:06   UFOs i don't i'm not looking you what [TS]

00:27:09   you can't prove a negative right you get [TS]

00:27:12   well you can't prove a negative but but [TS]

00:27:15   more importantly if I'm not thinking [TS]

00:27:19   about UFOs then new phones are not a [TS]

00:27:20   problem but as soon as I start to think [TS]

00:27:22   about UFOs assume something plants that [TS]

00:27:24   seed in my head then all of a sudden I'm [TS]

00:27:28   seeing things things out of the corner [TS]

00:27:30   of my eye that could be aliens who have [TS]

00:27:35   come to probe me huh [TS]

00:27:39   and much like it like an interview on [TS]

00:27:43   your time you talked about the basement [TS]

00:27:44   talking about the basement yeah not [TS]

00:27:46   probably physically but probe me to see [TS]

00:27:48   if I am perhaps a good candidate to be [TS]

00:27:52   the human [TS]

00:27:54   interlocutor or between the alien a [TS]

00:27:58   super race and the Earthlings that John [TS]

00:28:02   Roderick of Mars [TS]

00:28:03   oh yeah or just sort of like the what [TS]

00:28:07   would you call the Prime Minister of the [TS]

00:28:09   new colony but Rocco ok you can be like [TS]

00:28:13   that definition Chamberlain exactly so [TS]

00:28:16   they're just they're just learning [TS]

00:28:18   we're just learning about me just have [TS]

00:28:20   to get it just it really were just [TS]

00:28:22   talking at this point John to that we're [TS]

00:28:24   not now we're just this is what we're [TS]

00:28:26   just were just aliens talk about this [TS]

00:28:27   because this is your process and thank [TS]

00:28:29   God they go through my stuff they look [TS]

00:28:31   at my glasses they kind of get a sense [TS]

00:28:33   of my aesthetic and probably checking to [TS]

00:28:35   see if you notice things out of the [TS]

00:28:36   corner of your eye because when you're [TS]

00:28:37   the Venusian Prime Minister lot of [TS]

00:28:39   talking you know she was actually this [TS]

00:28:42   is the thing they're not gonna come [TS]

00:28:43   right out and say if they're not we're [TS]

00:28:44   not going to sit down a girl at a table [TS]

00:28:46   from one another and they're going to [TS]

00:28:48   present me with a series of questions [TS]

00:28:49   like they might not have a mouse when I [TS]

00:28:51   have mouth in a conventional cell but [TS]

00:28:53   they could even do this telepathically [TS]

00:28:54   or psionically they could say that if if [TS]

00:28:57   if one of your co-workers were was [TS]

00:29:00   stealing paper clips and you knew about [TS]

00:29:03   it would you a reported ve tell them not [TS]

00:29:07   to and orsi do nothing they could be [TS]

00:29:11   doing all this to have a conventional [TS]

00:29:13   Roman alphabet the aliens see you know [TS]

00:29:17   they haven't revealed anything about [TS]

00:29:18   themselves really except that bae [TS]

00:29:20   there's a lot of layers a lot of layers [TS]

00:29:22   to this because someone asked if you [TS]

00:29:24   don't absolutely the primary slender and [TS]

00:29:26   one of the things they do is they [TS]

00:29:27   rattled my windows when it's windy you [TS]

00:29:30   know like you could say it's just windy [TS]

00:29:33   and the windows are rattling they might [TS]

00:29:35   think that's your resume and they're [TS]

00:29:37   just trying to get a copy [TS]

00:29:38   they don't know they're literally from [TS]

00:29:39   Venus and they're they're figuring [TS]

00:29:41   they're figuring out our world even as [TS]

00:29:42   they're trying to find your place in it [TS]

00:29:44   whether you would be the appropriate [TS]

00:29:46   person to lead and women figuring out [TS]

00:29:49   our world through me by watching me [TS]

00:29:51   respond to stimuli which is that [TS]

00:29:53   remotely with that would be leaving [TS]

00:29:54   Leslie over the phone or with something [TS]

00:29:56   where you have to have a lot of face [TS]

00:29:57   time with the Venetians like that if you [TS]

00:29:58   accepted the position if it were off [TS]

00:30:00   take a step back if we offered to you [TS]

00:30:01   you checked it out you know you can you [TS]

00:30:03   can get everything everything like [TS]

00:30:05   salary is that something you do mostly [TS]

00:30:07   viable [TS]

00:30:07   conference causes this is one of the [TS]

00:30:09   things about dealing with these people [TS]

00:30:12   these beings that you don't even know [TS]

00:30:14   what you're looking at they could be [TS]

00:30:16   ectoplasm who are just taking the form [TS]

00:30:18   of a little green man in order to make [TS]

00:30:21   you feel more secure like that scene in [TS]

00:30:23   contact with jodie foster is talking to [TS]

00:30:26   her dad that the moment she's on the [TS]

00:30:27   jukebox not talking about machine [TS]

00:30:29   well okay it was that have Matthew [TS]

00:30:32   McConaughey was in it which is the only [TS]

00:30:33   reason I know this is the Carlson is the [TS]

00:30:35   cross st. Matthew McConaughey yeah this [TS]

00:30:37   is carl sagan but this movie was cast [TS]

00:30:40   was cast by monkeys and Matthew [TS]

00:30:42   McConaughey was in it playing that a [TS]

00:30:45   religious person and Matthew McConaughey [TS]

00:30:48   to me represents the most callow human [TS]

00:30:52   male in the in the cosmos and every time [TS]

00:30:58   I see him in a film where he's playing [TS]

00:30:59   anything other than a surfer douchebag [TS]

00:31:02   I'm like you what why how did he get [TS]

00:31:04   cast in this fifth in this movie but [TS]

00:31:06   anyway that's all that's all [TS]

00:31:08   neither here nor there what happened was [TS]

00:31:09   the few nights ago I was in the bathtub [TS]

00:31:11   as you do who I heard this I heard this [TS]

00:31:14   this this repetitive sort of slamming it [TS]

00:31:18   was it wasn't it wasn't enough it wasn't [TS]

00:31:22   rhythmic it was kind of like off time [TS]

00:31:24   like you know slam slam slam syncopated [TS]

00:31:28   some sort of syncopated I'm and I'm and [TS]

00:31:31   I'm it sounded like somebody was kicking [TS]

00:31:33   my front door then and i'm sitting in [TS]

00:31:36   the bathtub and I'm like this isn't a [TS]

00:31:39   sound that I want in the middle of the [TS]

00:31:41   night during a rainstorm is not the [TS]

00:31:44   usual way the community service people [TS]

00:31:46   now so maybe they usually come in the [TS]

00:31:49   mornings so I'm putting that's not and i [TS]

00:31:52   rightly if somebody's kicking your front [TS]

00:31:55   door they're probably gonna do it more [TS]

00:31:57   rhythmic that's going to be in time [TS]

00:31:59   right there go Bam Bam Bam but it was it [TS]

00:32:01   wasn't like a night of the Long Knives [TS]

00:32:02   kind of like we're trying to knock this [TS]

00:32:04   down it was more like they were like [TS]

00:32:06   testing testing the panels where [TS]

00:32:08   somewhere in between it was ok so you if [TS]

00:32:11   you want to kick in somebody's front [TS]

00:32:12   door [TS]

00:32:13   you don't need to take more than about [TS]

00:32:14   three swings and it i don't care how [TS]

00:32:16   many dead bolts it has got a warm-up but [TS]

00:32:20   a but but it didn't sound like somebody [TS]

00:32:21   was trying to kick the door in but it [TS]

00:32:23   did sound like that said the door was [TS]

00:32:25   you know going [TS]

00:32:26   it was really there somebody was [TS]

00:32:28   pounding on the door so i get out of the [TS]

00:32:30   bathtub the middle of the night three [TS]

00:32:32   o'clock in the morning and put my robe [TS]

00:32:35   on and i play my hands on the nearest [TS]

00:32:38   sort of anti human weapon device that I [TS]

00:32:43   have a closest to me sort probably uh [TS]

00:32:46   let's call it a sword and I go down the [TS]

00:32:51   stairs and the eye in the back of my [TS]

00:32:57   house I have French doors which a gust [TS]

00:33:01   of wind it was a big storm and disgusted [TS]

00:33:05   wind had dusted so strong way that it [TS]

00:33:08   had pushed open the French doors even [TS]

00:33:11   though they were dead bolted because the [TS]

00:33:15   French doors are because its center [TS]

00:33:18   because the shotty concept the French [TS]

00:33:20   doors it's terrible like it's a French [TS]

00:33:22   concept and that it's a bad idea [TS]

00:33:25   French they're super easy to get there [TS]

00:33:27   oh yeah you should have any time you [TS]

00:33:29   have French doors you should also have [TS]

00:33:30   like another set of doors like that you [TS]

00:33:34   should have a couple eventually [TS]

00:33:36   eventually convince the American doors [TS]

00:33:37   to help out [TS]

00:33:38   you should have used yeah that's right [TS]

00:33:40   the front door should open into a [TS]

00:33:41   vestibule and there should be one [TS]

00:33:43   American door to get out of that [TS]

00:33:45   containment area but anyway so the rain [TS]

00:33:48   is pouring in and the doors are slamming [TS]

00:33:52   you know in the wind and and I'm [TS]

00:33:55   standing there soaking wet in a bathrobe [TS]

00:33:59   heavily armed all alone in the house and [TS]

00:34:02   my first thought is well of course the [TS]

00:34:07   UFOs UFOs have come this is how it [TS]

00:34:11   always happens the person comes down out [TS]

00:34:14   of the bathtub they closed the doors and [TS]

00:34:19   and they do a security check of their [TS]

00:34:21   own but they're the aliens are in there [TS]

00:34:26   in they get there in somehow now they're [TS]

00:34:28   in the air they're hiding in the oven or [TS]

00:34:30   there [TS]

00:34:31   I don't know where they go with your [TS]

00:34:33   girlfriend into the sink yeah so for the [TS]

00:34:35   last four days I haven't haven't been [TS]

00:34:37   able to sleep i'll be walking around on [TS]

00:34:39   my looking in drawers and pettite do you [TS]

00:34:44   feel do you feel that you feel that [TS]

00:34:45   there might be some kind [TS]

00:34:46   I'm saying like setting aside that if [TS]

00:34:48   they are active plasm they didn't really [TS]

00:34:50   need to open the doors except as some [TS]

00:34:51   kind of a way of helping you understand [TS]

00:34:53   me the plane that you exist on that they [TS]

00:34:55   are there [TS]

00:34:56   yep here with me right so you could [TS]

00:34:58   essentially be in the waiting room you [TS]

00:35:00   know for some kind of an interview but [TS]

00:35:02   setting that aside this is a hospital [TS]

00:35:03   not necessarily they didn't break the [TS]

00:35:05   doors but it isn't friendly either [TS]

00:35:07   that's what would you what would you if [TS]

00:35:10   you were for the sake of argument being [TS]

00:35:12   approached by probably non-existent UFOs [TS]

00:35:14   what he could be a friend that brand [TS]

00:35:16   cake and a space cake [TS]

00:35:18   no you know what friendly thing would be [TS]

00:35:19   kind of in a community service patrol [TS]

00:35:22   mode during the day to come by and say [TS]

00:35:28   either you know and then I know that [TS]

00:35:30   they can't come by during the day [TS]

00:35:32   because people would see them and take [TS]

00:35:33   pictures of them but they could come [TS]

00:35:36   into my mind and say things other than [TS]

00:35:39   the voices that are in my head already [TS]

00:35:41   telling me but I think that I just think [TS]

00:35:44   it'd take a distinct new voice a new [TS]

00:35:47   voice and clear clarion call that would [TS]

00:35:48   write about that for cake another cake [TS]

00:35:50   or have another cup have another pot of [TS]

00:35:53   coffee crazy person [TS]

00:35:55   mhm it would be a new voice that came in [TS]

00:35:57   and said hello earthly well that'd be [TS]

00:36:00   able to be friendly let's say they've [TS]

00:36:01   taken the extra steps there mean [TS]

00:36:03   51-percent and they have decided smooth [TS]

00:36:07   see now i'm assuming that you wouldn't [TS]

00:36:09   mind somebody human being at your door [TS]

00:36:11   but it's just for the sake of argument [TS]

00:36:12   let's say you don't mind people at your [TS]

00:36:14   house [TS]

00:36:14   I don't want any humans coming by i [TS]

00:36:16   understand that well okay then let's [TS]

00:36:17   let's take it and turn it in order for [TS]

00:36:19   them to come to you in a way that would [TS]

00:36:21   be presentable to maybe give you some [TS]

00:36:22   kind of evolution java I don't just [TS]

00:36:25   limit this 2222 venusaur or Uranus for [TS]

00:36:28   or how do you say that you say how do [TS]

00:36:30   you say your ins you really do so [TS]

00:36:33   I just didn't feel journalist ok you're [TS]

00:36:36   in this is how you describe something [TS]

00:36:38   that'll sting about the familiar and is [TS]

00:36:40   still stinging about the bluetooth thing [TS]

00:36:42   I brought my daughter booking a pluton [TS]

00:36:44   fucking pissed me off just as you said [TS]

00:36:46   that I looked over at the bookshelf here [TS]

00:36:47   at at a book that i have that says in [TS]

00:36:50   big letters Plato Plato and he said [TS]

00:36:53   Pluto and I have this book called Plato [TS]

00:36:56   a it's a totalitarian or Democrat by a [TS]

00:37:02   guy named orson about a Democrat or [TS]

00:37:05   false dilemma i know i know that [TS]

00:37:08   foursome is a name that's close to your [TS]

00:37:10   heart it is their stance in lansing my [TS]

00:37:12   favorites and for someone wrote this [TS]

00:37:15   wrote this with false dichotomy book [TS]

00:37:17   totalitarian a Democrat puedo that see [TS]

00:37:21   now if you are in a state of mind where [TS]

00:37:22   you were literally listening listening [TS]

00:37:24   to cake talk in the desire for coffee [TS]

00:37:26   and bass if you were listening to that [TS]

00:37:27   voice in your head is there some part of [TS]

00:37:28   you the go play doh dialogues Pluto two [TS]

00:37:31   people talking and find some kind of [TS]

00:37:33   connection and what just happened is now [TS]

00:37:34   it or you're not that superstitious [TS]

00:37:36   you're not that magical in your thinking [TS]

00:37:38   I'm not a died typically i'm not but now [TS]

00:37:41   you're slow thinking about it i'm slow [TS]

00:37:43   thinking and it does it's not helping me [TS]

00:37:45   I'm looking around I'm going well sure [TS]

00:37:47   how do I know that anything is anything [TS]

00:37:50   how do I know that this isn't all just [TS]

00:37:51   some kind of Jodi that address that's [TS]

00:37:53   addressed in one of one of the dialogue [TS]

00:37:55   forget probably something actually or [TS]

00:37:56   something [TS]

00:37:57   mythology it's it's it's the it's the [TS]

00:38:00   myth of the cave or whatever player down [TS]

00:38:02   it's a republic that's a whole other [TS]

00:38:04   deal that's a whole other deal attitude [TS]

00:38:06   is totally illogical argument I'm trying [TS]

00:38:09   to I'm trying to put you at ease and I [TS]

00:38:10   don't know if that can I don't put you [TS]

00:38:12   at anything I'm just trying to say that [TS]

00:38:13   if aliens were going like an [TS]

00:38:14   availability heuristic okay i think what [TS]

00:38:17   would happen is they understand that in [TS]

00:38:19   order to get you to even kind of pick up [TS]

00:38:21   the phone [TS]

00:38:22   the Venusian phone they would have to [TS]

00:38:24   come to you in a form that you [TS]

00:38:24   understand so the question I'm asking [TS]

00:38:26   you for priming the pump [TS]

00:38:28   okay so here's the thing those French [TS]

00:38:29   doors do not open themselves they were [TS]

00:38:31   they were literally dead bolted so [TS]

00:38:33   assuming let's just say for the sake of [TS]

00:38:34   argument in your home right now where [TS]

00:38:36   they can hear you might be the people [TS]

00:38:38   who are keeping you awake at night and [TS]

00:38:40   getting you in that tub [TS]

00:38:41   what do you say to them as you sit here [TS]

00:38:43   right now [TS]

00:38:44   to make this easier on both of you if [TS]

00:38:46   someone were gonna come and try to [TS]

00:38:47   present themselves as but i think you [TS]

00:38:49   called planting a seed a UFO see if they [TS]

00:38:51   were coming it what would be the best [TS]

00:38:53   way to approach you should they write a [TS]

00:38:54   letter [TS]

00:38:55   well no I would say if they were [TS]

00:38:56   listening right now i would say listen [TS]

00:38:58   they're probably listening right now if [TS]

00:38:59   they're in your home if they can make it [TS]

00:39:00   through a French door they can / they [TS]

00:39:02   can overhear right but they could be [TS]

00:39:03   they could be fans of this podcast to I [TS]

00:39:05   mean they could be listening a lot of [TS]

00:39:07   that could be why they're coming but [TS]

00:39:09   they could be coming by your house [TS]

00:39:10   account for the second listener your [TS]

00:39:11   lady and how do you think he listened in [TS]

00:39:14   the van [TS]

00:39:15   yeah they're on their way on their way [TS]

00:39:17   down how do i would be receptive to that [TS]

00:39:20   I mean say listen if this is a job [TS]

00:39:21   interview [TS]

00:39:22   I'm going to consider any offers but we [TS]

00:39:26   have to talk about compensation and we [TS]

00:39:28   have to talk about you know like I don't [TS]

00:39:30   want to be just a mouthpiece I want a [TS]

00:39:32   little bit of I want the opportunity to [TS]

00:39:33   be individualistic in my work i'm not [TS]

00:39:36   i'm not a crime not accompany guy you [TS]

00:39:38   know what I mean like I say want me to [TS]

00:39:39   be the prime minister of Venus or [TS]

00:39:42   whatever I mean I have to have a certain [TS]

00:39:44   amount of autonomy and it can't be false [TS]

00:39:46   autonomy than I don't think i have would [TS]

00:39:48   it be would it be a republic would be [TS]

00:39:49   the kind of Republican monarchy do you [TS]

00:39:51   think do you think that you'd be serving [TS]

00:39:53   alongside somebody like a queen [TS]

00:39:54   elizabeth mission queen elizabeth the [TS]

00:39:56   second because because you know the [TS]

00:39:58   Prime Minister is the one is really [TS]

00:39:59   holding the keys as i understand it [TS]

00:40:01   yeah but I feel like I feel like there [TS]

00:40:02   should be kind of a slightly that I mean [TS]

00:40:07   there there there should be a parliament [TS]

00:40:09   where people from all over the world [TS]

00:40:10   come and sit in a giant sort of concert [TS]

00:40:14   hall shaped ok like the last two star [TS]

00:40:17   wars movies would be like to be like [TS]

00:40:19   lots of public meetings I never saw that [TS]

00:40:21   ok but i have to assume that yeah are as [TS]

00:40:25   i understood at those meetings were [TS]

00:40:26   those movies were just a lot of [TS]

00:40:29   exposition right there was no nothing [TS]

00:40:32   happening just a lot of people [TS]

00:40:33   expository seriously to we're talking [TS]

00:40:35   puppet meanings [TS]

00:40:36   it's lots of meetings public meetings [TS]

00:40:37   but ok now here's the other thing but [TS]

00:40:39   wait outside please go ahead [TS]

00:40:40   is it could it could it could be that [TS]

00:40:42   it's not a job interview it could be [TS]

00:40:45   something else are they going to get to [TS]

00:40:46   you John you're not sleeping much they [TS]

00:40:48   don't have a way to get into your dreams [TS]

00:40:50   yeah i mean that's incredible too okay [TS]

00:40:53   well that's not a native Native America [TS]

00:40:55   that is how a lot of job offers were [TS]

00:40:57   tendered is either through either a keg [TS]

00:41:00   beer or some kind of visitation [TS]

00:41:02   sometimes involving mushrooms sometimes [TS]

00:41:04   a Mesa attribute don't take the [TS]

00:41:06   mushrooms anymore exactly and I'm going [TS]

00:41:09   to circle back to this I want to talk [TS]

00:41:10   about whether we think right so you're [TS]

00:41:11   saying that the normal channels of [TS]

00:41:14   accessing me through dream linkedin and [TS]

00:41:16   later like are you on LinkedIn I don't [TS]

00:41:19   even accept linkedin invitation I didn't [TS]

00:41:21   I regret it i don't know i don't know [TS]

00:41:22   what the fuck I was thinking to be on [TS]

00:41:24   linkedin so they're trying to reach me [TS]

00:41:26   by normal channels and they can't so [TS]

00:41:28   they're coming through the door in the [TS]

00:41:29   middle of the night is that that's that [TS]

00:41:31   I that makes sense to me [TS]

00:41:33   imagine like you got this creepy girls [TS]

00:41:35   that like your band like they're not [TS]

00:41:37   going to come right up to you probably [TS]

00:41:38   and say like i wanna i want a lock of [TS]

00:41:40   your hair or you know touchscreen or [TS]

00:41:42   whatever and they're kind of did they do [TS]

00:41:44   that [TS]

00:41:44   yeah I figure they just would rattle [TS]

00:41:46   your doors a little bit he's gonna go [TS]

00:41:47   right I'm here I don't say touch your [TS]

00:41:49   screwed they won't touch your scrotum [TS]

00:41:51   because most girls nowadays at least two [TS]

00:41:54   are fans of bands want to pretend that [TS]

00:41:56   sex has nothing to do with there being [TS]

00:41:58   fan that's why they got the facebook is [TS]

00:42:01   that when they have a facebook is the [TS]

00:42:02   new version of cupping balls gently i [TS]

00:42:05   think i don't know and i deactivated my [TS]

00:42:06   account dots there are so many people on [TS]

00:42:09   facebook that i don't want to ever cut [TS]

00:42:11   my balls gently or otherwise you should [TS]

00:42:13   deactivate your account that's part of [TS]

00:42:14   your problem i have thought about it [TS]

00:42:16   I've thought about it but I'm afraid [TS]

00:42:17   you're afraid that we adopt doppelganger [TS]

00:42:19   John representing your wall [TS]

00:42:21   well no it's just the effect it's going [TS]

00:42:23   to have on my Klout score was that with [TS]

00:42:25   the k yeah I was being facetious [TS]

00:42:30   I think I think you're maybe I don't [TS]

00:42:33   tell you how to run your life John [TS]

00:42:34   I'm just thinking you might not be [TS]

00:42:36   thinking both big enough and small [TS]

00:42:37   enough to be I think you should think [TS]

00:42:40   big enough that if you were being [TS]

00:42:41   offered a Venusian position of some kind [TS]

00:42:43   you know what if I were revolution [TS]

00:42:45   coming to John and rattling is fucking [TS]

00:42:46   French doors I would be saying you know [TS]

00:42:48   what John could we have your wisdom by [TS]

00:42:49   roxy to come in and literally in invent [TS]

00:42:52   an entire voltage Sean that might [TS]

00:42:53   involve it might involve a parliament [TS]

00:42:55   turn it might well i got all scared I've [TS]

00:42:57   got up when I'm not even worried about [TS]

00:42:59   that John my concern is how are they [TS]

00:43:01   gonna get to you you should have you [TS]

00:43:03   should offer you should maybe you should [TS]

00:43:05   offer a hand to them you know i'm [TS]

00:43:06   available and i think part of part of [TS]

00:43:08   the reason [TS]

00:43:08   I'm talking about this openly at risk of [TS]

00:43:10   sounding like a crazy person on because [TS]

00:43:12   I want them to know that I know and then [TS]

00:43:15   i'm here i'm not i'm not too rattled by [TS]

00:43:18   it i mean i-i think I think going a few [TS]

00:43:20   sleepless nights on the scale of what [TS]

00:43:23   potential human reactions to having [TS]

00:43:25   aliens come kick down their door in the [TS]

00:43:27   middle and I I think that's pretty [TS]

00:43:28   mellow right [TS]

00:43:29   yes I think that shows that talking [TS]

00:43:31   about running an entire fucking planet [TS]

00:43:33   John yeah yeah so I so I wander around [TS]

00:43:35   the house in a bathrobe with a you know [TS]

00:43:38   bristling with the guns and swords but [TS]

00:43:41   not i'm not it's not like every time I [TS]

00:43:43   round a corner i'm like like spike [TS]

00:43:46   swishing the air with a sword or [TS]

00:43:49   something i'm going to just carry it in [TS]

00:43:50   case that won't happen to like probably [TS]

00:43:52   februari I'm hoping that it doesn't last [TS]

00:43:55   that long i hope i'm hoping that they [TS]

00:43:56   either tender a job offer or they move [TS]

00:43:59   on but a but I you know I don't want to [TS]

00:44:02   but you said you know sharing this house [TS]

00:44:04   there yeah right [TS]

00:44:05   no you don't sound needy about it which [TS]

00:44:07   I love I think that reads so [TS]

00:44:08   well-adjusted movie full metal jacket [TS]

00:44:10   the ceiling kubrick movie it was one of [TS]

00:44:13   the best parts that maybe I think and [TS]

00:44:14   apart from the first half just mostly [TS]

00:44:16   just the first half [TS]

00:44:17   he's out I'm you're born again hard I [TS]

00:44:21   talking about r lee ermey the man who [TS]

00:44:22   played the sergeant earlier me really [TS]

00:44:26   really really squandered my you [TS]

00:44:31   squandered the authority that he always [TS]

00:44:33   kick cable TV [TS]

00:44:34   yeah because of that stupid that's what [TS]

00:44:37   television show he's blowing up [TS]

00:44:38   watermelons with a but like you know [TS]

00:44:41   homemade cannons and thinking you're [TS]

00:44:43   thinking Gallagher for his brother who [TS]

00:44:46   was impersonating him galleries brother [TS]

00:44:47   impersonating him for a while I didn't [TS]

00:44:49   know that and I i read a read an [TS]

00:44:51   interesting [TS]

00:44:52   oh you know what it was i read an [TS]

00:44:53   interesting live-tweet review of a [TS]

00:44:56   Gallagher show that the cam Camarena [TS]

00:45:00   that sounds like a memory now that [TS]

00:45:02   really made me believe it really it [TS]

00:45:05   absolved me from ever needing to see a [TS]

00:45:07   Gallagher show imagine being Gallagher [TS]

00:45:10   like how much science [TS]

00:45:11   and in fact that you're not like now [TS]

00:45:13   you're having to compete with this [TS]

00:45:14   doppelganger version of yourself but you [TS]

00:45:16   know the story of modern Gallagher rite [TS]

00:45:18   which is that he's a xenophobe like [TS]

00:45:20   using and he's a racist 030 stairs [TS]

00:45:23   little stony is what I heard I heard he [TS]

00:45:25   smokes smokes smokes smokes a lot of the [TS]

00:45:26   we don't currently know he's like a [TS]

00:45:28   crazy tea party boy here like hates the [TS]

00:45:32   Mexicans crazy how do you think that I'm [TS]

00:45:36   not fucking vacations can breathe pics [TS]

00:45:38   those fucking watermelons you think it's [TS]

00:45:39   white guys with mustaches meandering [TS]

00:45:41   hammers now you've brought in full [TS]

00:45:43   circle of tea party here's one here's [TS]

00:45:45   what i want to take you back before [TS]

00:45:46   cable TV even existed i want to get back [TS]

00:45:48   to nineteen eighty-seven here's what [TS]

00:45:49   happened Goomer give you existed in [TS]

00:45:52   nineteen me something I don't think [TS]

00:45:53   that's accurate [TS]

00:45:53   Stanley Kubrick was going to make this [TS]

00:45:55   movie and so you know such an [TS]

00:45:57   interesting guy i mean i I'm so [TS]

00:45:59   fascinated by Stanley Kubrick in general [TS]

00:46:01   very intimidating guy much like you may [TS]

00:46:03   be heard voices [TS]

00:46:04   he he looks like John Bonham food and he [TS]

00:46:07   looks like my friend Adam doesn't know [TS]

00:46:10   well he looks a little like Adam but [TS]

00:46:11   it's they both look a little like John [TS]

00:46:13   Bottomly charbon past lot late period [TS]

00:46:15   john bonham Littlejohn bottom now right [TS]

00:46:18   he's a have seemed laying down [TS]

00:46:20   yeah he's thinner and so he knew i had [TS]

00:46:23   to get all this stuff right now by the [TS]

00:46:24   way Parris Island I think it's for [TS]

00:46:26   ladies now I think their silence for [TS]

00:46:27   letting me sound like they have dudes at [TS]

00:46:28   Parris Island anymore they put them [TS]

00:46:30   somewhere else for something so so he [TS]

00:46:32   knew that he needed somebody who [TS]

00:46:33   understood what the circuit what 67-68 [TS]

00:46:37   Parris Island experience would be like [TS]

00:46:39   so he brought in this consultant earlier [TS]

00:46:42   me earlier me he brought in a consultant [TS]

00:46:44   and the consultants job was to make sure [TS]

00:46:47   that you know everything was up to snow [TS]

00:46:49   the story goes just too interesting [TS]

00:46:51   parts to this story I think the first [TS]

00:46:53   interesting part is he was brought in [TS]

00:46:55   you know and actor the talent if you [TS]

00:46:58   like this cricket picked it was buggin [TS]

00:47:02   early army he felt like he was not [TS]

00:47:03   getting it right right and so you know [TS]

00:47:05   the story [TS]

00:47:06   no he goes to Stanley Kubrick and got [TS]

00:47:09   mega well he went up to him as a [TS]

00:47:11   consultant you know he's on he's on the [TS]

00:47:13   market [TS]

00:47:14   remember this is probably happening in [TS]

00:47:15   England so he's out of his element he's [TS]

00:47:17   probably gonna wear you know Micah he's [TS]

00:47:19   gotta wear Mufti we call it that's when [TS]

00:47:21   you're in [TS]

00:47:21   you know civilian clothes and Buffy I [TS]

00:47:26   thought that was a grain like that and [TS]

00:47:29   North African grain I think you think [TS]

00:47:30   that other kubrick movie Strangelove [TS]

00:47:32   president muffin [TS]

00:47:34   so anyway he goes stanley kubrick mrs. [TS]

00:47:37   look mr. Kubik this is not working out [TS]

00:47:39   this guy it nobody who's ever been in [TS]

00:47:41   the rain should see this guy and you [TS]

00:47:43   know right that was like thank you very [TS]

00:47:45   much please you know get give your notes [TS]

00:47:48   to my assistant and r lee ermey fucking [TS]

00:47:51   goes into full-on r lee ermey mode in [TS]

00:47:54   Stanley Kubrick's face scares the living [TS]

00:47:57   shit out of stanley kubrick by doing [TS]

00:48:00   basically what he's saying this actor is [TS]

00:48:03   not doing and Kubrick is blown away by [TS]

00:48:06   it i think that's a very interesting [TS]

00:48:08   story but here's where it gets great [TS]

00:48:09   cubicles ok alright we would let me just [TS]

00:48:12   let me just interject this is absolutely [TS]

00:48:15   approach i'm gonna take if the aliens is [TS]

00:48:18   missus is why bring it up [TS]

00:48:20   that's why bring it up all right go [TS]

00:48:21   ahead the the next part of what we're [TS]

00:48:23   going to come straight back this you [TS]

00:48:24   know what I'm can just be honest with [TS]

00:48:25   you I'm not really i'm tearing up cake [TS]

00:48:27   in rem band Christ it's like it's like [TS]

00:48:33   it's like you know Rex Harrison meets a [TS]

00:48:36   man nice shot [TS]

00:48:37   his name is singing a horrible era [TS]

00:48:40   except for that steal my sunshine song [TS]

00:48:42   get that get that of Evelyn champagne [TS]

00:48:45   king who is that with that sample is [TS]

00:48:47   number one record in the country the [TS]

00:48:49   landing about Len I don't know [TS]

00:48:52   or fastball cake cake who did you get a [TS]

00:48:55   number one record right before right [TS]

00:48:57   before the December's had their [TS]

00:48:58   number-one record [TS]

00:48:59   hmm he said luck our technical you are [TS]

00:49:05   in Sergeant are but here's the thing [TS]

00:49:07   i'll give you a shot at this [TS]

00:49:09   the thing he just did now for 15 seconds [TS]

00:49:11   that made me literally shit my actually [TS]

00:49:13   American pants is is was awesome but [TS]

00:49:15   here's the thing i will let you do this [TS]

00:49:19   role but you have to do what you just [TS]

00:49:23   did for 15 minutes without stopping and [TS]

00:49:27   without repeating yourself while people [TS]

00:49:30   throw tennis balls at you haha [TS]

00:49:33   and although the video has supposedly [TS]

00:49:36   never been found released whatever he's [TS]

00:49:39   fucking did it [TS]

00:49:40   you know you try that haha Megan I'm [TS]

00:49:41   going to call you w bob i can do it now [TS]

00:49:44   45 seconds he did it for 15 fucking [TS]

00:49:45   minutes what people through tennis balls [TS]

00:49:47   at him wow ok that is how you make a [TS]

00:49:50   case [TS]

00:49:51   alright i'm just saying now I've talked [TS]

00:49:52   about this some of my other program you [TS]

00:49:53   can just go somewhere and like you know [TS]

00:49:55   a you know print your resume and like [TS]

00:49:58   throw it on the fucking Internet you get [TS]

00:49:59   in there and you say you're gonna hire [TS]

00:50:00   me jackass do you want if you want to [TS]

00:50:02   get this Venus shit straightened out [TS]

00:50:03   you're going to come here and you're [TS]

00:50:05   gonna find a way to reach me in the tub [TS]

00:50:07   where I'm literally eating cake not [TS]

00:50:08   there and and and you you're gonna I'm [TS]

00:50:11   gonna set you straight i'm gonna grab [TS]

00:50:11   you by the ectoplasmic version of your [TS]

00:50:14   lapels and I'm gonna fucking shake your [TS]

00:50:16   venetian ass until you understand that [TS]

00:50:18   I'm the man you're hiring your thoughts [TS]

00:50:19   johner well I had a very long [TS]

00:50:21   conversation with my 87 year old uncle [TS]

00:50:24   yesterday about this very topic my 87 [TS]

00:50:28   and precise on this very missed it this [TS]

00:50:32   very topic would you do if i called him [TS]

00:50:34   today on whatever we can be able to tell [TS]

00:50:36   me what that very topic was absolutely [TS]

00:50:38   he you know he was saying grab the grab [TS]

00:50:42   your alien overlords by their [TS]

00:50:43   ectoplasmic lapels and shake them now [TS]

00:50:47   he's what he was saying this is this is [TS]

00:50:49   a problem that he has experience in his [TS]

00:50:52   own life which is that p.m. he went to [TS]

00:50:56   Yale College and his and two of his [TS]

00:51:00   classmates and being people he knew [TS]

00:51:02   fairly well where george herbert walker [TS]

00:51:05   bush and uh uh [TS]

00:51:09   [Music] [TS]

00:51:16   [Music] [TS]