Roderick on the Line

Ep. 09: "He Was Apparently a Talented Baker"

 

  hello hi John how are you I'm Merlin I'm [TS]

  fine [TS]

  yeah yeah sound dolorous mm you know I [TS]

  this is the time of year for the lower [TS]

  but I'm a few days ago I i rake all the [TS]

  leaves in my yard and and I literally I [TS]

  literally raped all the leaves in my [TS]

  iron all the leaves that were there then [TS]

  and I put them in piles and I said to [TS]

  myself as one does i said you had better [TS]

  pick these leaves up now before it rains [TS]

  and then I got distracted by a butterfly [TS]

  or something something distracted me and [TS]

  now I woke up this morning and it's [TS]

  raining it's raining on all my leaf leaf [TS]

  piles and which means that [TS]

  yeah well what does that mean is that [TS]

  like going to wash your car it rains [TS]

  things to disperse the leaves are no fun [TS]

  to jump in with the well they're no fun [TS]

  to jump in for sure but no no i have to [TS]

  i can trick him anymore and pick him up [TS]

  with a shovel a giant giant piles of [TS]

  soggy wet decaying leaves the whole [TS]

  different game now I I am I would have [TS]

  to guess knowing you i don't know i feel [TS]

  i know you somewhat well I could see you [TS]

  just want a philosophical level raking [TS]

  leaves as part of a larger process is [TS]

  absolutely true [TS]

  ok it is that only part is probably as a [TS]

  homeowner is a fire hazard you want to [TS]

  keep the the leaf people out of your [TS]

  yard picking around [TS]

  well there's a couple of reasons that I [TS]

  don't subcontract this leaf raking [TS]

  business one of them is that I make my [TS]

  own compost so the the leaves especially [TS]

  from the catalpa tree are are great for [TS]

  producing loamy compost in the spring [TS]

  and also i use the leaves to insulate [TS]

  potted plants that I leave outside over [TS]

  the winter [TS]

  yeah I all this is stuff that you can [TS]

  learn in Sunset magazine it's not an [TS]

  invented at sunset magazine was about [TS]

  new ways to make iced tea [TS]

  well in a way it is you know you [TS]

  remember Sunset magazine when we were [TS]

  growing up was dating a heavy rebrand I [TS]

  like the redesign its it's amazing I [TS]

  mean I i used to love it as a kid but it [TS]

  was all about hottub parties and [TS]

  seventies moms and and how to decorate [TS]

  your bungalow and and again how to make [TS]

  iced tea but now it's about hipster moms [TS]

  and it's a very sexy magazine i have to [TS]

  say that is it's on our bathroom now [TS]

  I've used it [TS]

  oh right yeah no I mean to learn about [TS]

  you know to learn about yeah things [TS]

  permaculture you know the one thing [TS]

  that's missing from the new Sunset [TS]

  magazine centerfold [TS]

  well no remember I don't see him out [TS]

  when he grew up in florida so I'm not [TS]

  even sure you remember the old Sunset [TS]

  magazine I thought was a peculiarly [TS]

  California or maybe west coast well it's [TS]

  just that covers covers Arizona I think [TS]

  California Oregon Washington and Alaska [TS]

  even but the old magazine had a whole [TS]

  section of classified ads in the back [TS]

  one of the main features of which were [TS]

  ads for ads for juvenile detention [TS]

  schools and like fat camps and there [TS]

  were other like three pages of ads in [TS]

  the back of sunset for what to do with [TS]

  your troubled kid and some some of about [TS]

  fat unruly doesn't like raking leaves [TS]

  yeah i'm gonna come down to the same [TS]

  James Academy would be a picture of a [TS]

  chubby girl with tears streaming down [TS]

  her face you know government believes [TS]

  you can't make me and I remember as a [TS]

  kid reading this reading sunset I get to [TS]

  the back and it was like it was like [TS]

  this taboo area because i was constantly [TS]

  sort of idea that I wasn't afraid that [TS]

  they were going to send me away to [TS]

  juvenile camp although you know there [TS]

  was a period in right before 11th grade [TS]

  with you [TS]

  it went good understood it well no she [TS]

  actually got all these she got all the [TS]

  application forms from all these schools [TS]

  and had me fill them out as some kind of [TS]

  tough love program like I've actually [TS]

  filled out these application forms to [TS]

  all these cool not the fat camps all I [TS]

  probably should have gone to those two [TS]

  as a prophylactic well now you know it's [TS]

  never too early to get to get in [TS]

  longhand yeah yeah sure it was an essay [TS]

  portion there were SI portions and this [TS]

  this was where I this is where i [TS]

  thwarted the process by writing [TS]

  hilarious and terrible essays and i [TS]

  iDrive drugged-out the process until it [TS]

  was too late and I know it wasn't what [TS]

  may be the best idea to like have me [TS]

  fill out the applications if you know [TS]

  what I mean it wasn't a thing I wanted [TS]

  to do was she monitoring your results [TS]

  I mean what you know in other words [TS]

  she's getting them for form sanity [TS]

  well yeah but I was pretty good at [TS]

  writing something that passed muster [TS]

  that also said that also on closer [TS]

  closer inspection that for fuck your [TS]

  grandma she your the Marxist in jail his [TS]

  right now a little bits of paper [TS]

  yeah everything is if you if you if you [TS]

  peed on them then the truetype would [TS]

  would become revealed who [TS]

  that's it that's an old spy trick the [TS]

  disappearing ink that you you you can [TS]

  only see one when you pee on the [TS]

  document now where's Len come into that [TS]

  I don't think Len and don't know I'm [TS]

  sorry I apologize not the not the not [TS]

  the the Soviet dictator of the the fruit [TS]

  lemon lemon right it was a big companies [TS]

  limited urine with those big component [TS]

  cryptography well you can write in lemon [TS]

  juice and then I think if you pee on it [TS]

  it is revealed [TS]

  that's got a pigeon drop its well no no [TS]

  this will be this is now used to get [TS]

  having I had a Casper the ghost [TS]

  disappearing ink book but i think that I [TS]

  I probably was not scratching hard [TS]

  enough that i did not get any [TS]

  coded messages i was aware of the [TS]

  perfect ones that I see every with her [TS]

  haha well I think here's the thing about [TS]

  coded messages there have to be two [TS]

  people a senator first of all and then a [TS]

  receiver so if you were just if you were [TS]

  just squeezing lemon juice on blank [TS]

  pieces of paper looking for messages in [TS]

  your radar return is going to be pretty [TS]

  small so that's a very John is extremely [TS]

  healthy approach but i would like you [TS]

  for a moment to just consider that there [TS]

  could also be a problem of having sent [TS]

  coded messages to yourself that even you [TS]

  don't understand what like I called in [TS]

  my thirties [TS]

  uh-huh I mean I was peeing on everything [TS]

  John I was squeezing a fucking lemon on [TS]

  everything that didn't move [TS]

  you know I was dropping pigeons but you [TS]

  know what you ended up married so [TS]

  something must have been working it was [TS]

  always walking on a wire John did you [TS]

  have your and put a note in a bottle and [TS]

  throw into the ocean now I don't think I [TS]

  have what you know I've done stuff like [TS]

  that i tried to put things on balloons [TS]

  and imagine that it would do something [TS]

  interesting but I've never done it in a [TS]

  bottle have you done that you put it was [TS]

  the Puget Sound where you throw that [TS]

  where you throw that out in the Pacific [TS]

  Ocean [TS]

  well I i I'd like to circle back i'm not [TS]

  keeping three-by-five cards but i'd like [TS]

  to strap on six already and I got a lot [TS]

  of follow-up on all of these things like [TS]

  that circle back to the question or to [TS]

  the comment i put things on balloons to [TS]

  see what happens when fresh card and [TS]

  about not do that do you live anywhere [TS]

  like you get google maps to live [TS]

  anywhere near a drugstore you have [TS]

  access to index cards [TS]

  I'm not trying to force it down your [TS]

  throat john i'm just saying you have a [TS]

  lot of problems and if you had some kind [TS]

  of a in now in human-computer interface [TS]

  be called an affordance if you had an [TS]

  affordance for capturing your thoughts [TS]

  in some kind of taxonomical way that you [TS]

  could theoretically put into a pocket [TS]

  i'm not trying to unload try to force [TS]

  anything done anything I'm just saying I [TS]

  don't have time i was that I was at a [TS]

  goodwill yesterday and this goodwill you [TS]

  know every goodwill is organized [TS]

  differently by whatever you know to [TS]

  conform to the same mind what everyone [TS]

  around back to that because I've always [TS]

  been obsessed by who decided it's like [TS]

  it's wooden souvenirs no one ever needed [TS]

  like that a section people get promoted [TS]

  up the corporate ladder at goodwill and [TS]

  they become a manager I think first a [TS]

  manager of a certain section and then [TS]

  romance there's just something simple [TS]

  like short like shirts common [TS]

  short-sleeved think their sessions that [TS]

  it'sit's these people these individual [TS]

  people's obsessions that dictate how [TS]

  within the within the the the you know [TS]

  the general principle of a goodwill how [TS]

  the thing is organized and this goodwill [TS]

  was being managed by a seemed to me he [TS]

  was a he was almost 60 50 60 year old [TS]

  nigerian man huh who was very elegant [TS]

  son of a prince but he had terrible body [TS]

  odor and he obviously was obsessed with [TS]

  office supplies because there was it was [TS]

  that it was a section of the office [TS]

  supplies which is usually relegated to [TS]

  like a little corner of the area where [TS]

  the old carburetors and battery charges [TS]

  are this guy had office supplies for two [TS]

  whole rows paper and three-by-five cards [TS]

  unopened stacked to infinity and I was [TS]

  walking through this area tonight and I [TS]

  thought of you I was like oh my god it's [TS]

  it's it's it's the treasure of the [TS]

  sierra madre for Merlin man look at this [TS]

  these are vintage three-by-five cards to [TS]

  this isn't like the amount you're [TS]

  grasping they knew how to make them I'm [TS]

  i have to be honest with you Jon I'm [TS]

  reluctant to talk about any of this [TS]

  because like if this had that girl in it [TS]

  would pretty much be my fantasy you got [TS]

  you got good will you got organization [TS]

  you got nigeria and and you've got [TS]

  something that as recently as this [TS]

  morning and I don't take us off track [TS]

  here but as recently as this morning [TS]

  these these uh let's say problems that's [TS]

  a gift that I have where evidence in the [TS]

  cells I i like to be very focused [TS]

  sometimes and some of my daughter wants [TS]

  to play with something I i will organize [TS]

  the parts i love or no no no [TS]

  well organized organizer magna tiles I [TS]

  organizer plastic animals don't do it [TS]

  I've talked site i have different [TS]

  buckets now for all of her little [TS]

  plastic plastic toys that are [TS]

  anthropomorphic and/or people because I [TS]

  got different buckets for that but also [TS]

  the Toy Story ones are in their own [TS]

  because they should be able to play [TS]

  together but the big tube cats cats go [TS]

  in alongside the the creepy-crawly I [TS]

  don't go into much detail now I can tell [TS]

  it's very easy [TS]

  there's a limited set of colors legos [TS]

  you know the thomas ones i have three [TS]

  different boxes of thomas stuff i'm glad [TS]

  that we're talking about this because [TS]

  when your daughter is a teenager and [TS]

  comes to me and says uncle john i have [TS]

  so many problems you let the coated with [TS]

  us and she can't understand yeah i'm [TS]

  going to say but let me give you let me [TS]

  give you some insight into where some of [TS]

  your where some of your anxiety you came [TS]

  in pretty late in the movie but you [TS]

  still know a lot about the second act [TS]

  but I mean but you know I'm just let's [TS]

  put it this way if there is a torn and [TS]

  felt the index card with teenage girls [TS]

  here and on it please handle it [TS]

  carefully [TS]

  you don't get it do care i will i'm you [TS]

  know i cherish items like that when we [TS]

  got we got nine shows you don't even [TS]

  know where to start that the goodwill [TS]

  thing though the organization we have [TS]

  got to come back to ads too well but [TS]

  never let you go [TS]

  yeah let me just let me just interject [TS]

  there's you and your daughter are [TS]

  looking for something to do as an [TS]

  activity you live blocks from the [TS]

  Pacific Ocean and I suggest that you go [TS]

  down there periodically write a letter [TS]

  to whom it may concern put it in a [TS]

  bottle put a cork in the bottle and [TS]

  throw it in the ocean know i know i know [TS]

  in San Francisco's night cream it's not [TS]

  create the pollution police are gonna be [TS]

  all over you but this is big stuff this [TS]

  bottle in the ocean stuff is big big [TS]

  stuff maybe throw off the body couldn't [TS]

  throw it off the bridge that you did [TS]

  know somebody would occupy you can get [TS]

  occupied i have one minute car that says [TS]

  do not discuss occupywallstreet it's all [TS]

  one card he did you write in big letters [TS]

  do not discuss running again a second [TS]

  card but you gotta throw you have to [TS]

  periodically write a note was great on [TS]

  so many levels John it works on so many [TS]

  levels even if these the theoretical [TS]

  purpose never happens i think that the I [TS]

  used to explain to her when when when [TS]

  she was a baby I walk up the street and [TS]

  say that specific ocean is the biggest [TS]

  body of water in the world and if you'd [TS]

  like to know you and I said to my [TS]

  daughter every morning I said that's the [TS]

  biggest body of water in the world i [TS]

  said and it you could you could get in a [TS]

  boat and go all the way across that to [TS]

  another country and I said if you can [TS]

  you can if you want to manage projects [TS]

  and put up with bullshit you can do [TS]

  anything in life and i will tell her [TS]

  that every morning huh [TS]

  because my wife is a minute my wife we [TS]

  need to make it hard to get a shower [TS]

  when you have a kid so we give her a few [TS]

  minutes I'd go up and I would explain [TS]

  the world by pointing to the largest [TS]

  body of water in the world [TS]

  listen that's the largest body in the [TS]

  world and if you're prepared to manage [TS]

  projects and put up with bullshit you [TS]

  can do anything [TS]

  mmm it also helps to ask people things [TS]

  as a favor he never done that [TS]

  write that down write that down no car [TS]

  because that's that that's a pet peeve [TS]

  oh you know you know you know who hates [TS]

  that who you know who hates that i think [TS]

  his famous line is a sign i was it [TS]

  sometimes it does hurt to ask this man [TS]

  must lie but that is all I look no no I [TS]

  was a goodwill sweeper I used to go with [TS]

  all the time and let's clarify here [TS]

  we're talking about when you and I were [TS]

  going to the good ones back in the day [TS]

  this is a whole different world entirely [TS]

  different world entirely different world [TS]

  is for Kim Gordon ruin vintage fashion [TS]

  and they started to so no we're not so [TS]

  helpfully she's having a hard time right [TS]

  now [TS]

  yeah let's talk all right and now it's [TS]

  her base standard tuning base [TS]

  you know I've never I've never went into [TS]

  the fetishizing Sonic Youth alternate [TS]

  tunings right but she did no indeed [TS]

  going to easy dismissiveness that was 85 [TS]

  86 United that it did that I went [TS]

  through that phase ready dismissiveness [TS]

  but you know that the people were [TS]

  talking about us on accuse you no [TS]

  alternate tunings and then you see all [TS]

  those pictures of like yeah it's a jazz [TS]

  master and you stuck two drumsticks in [TS]

  there and he's hitting it with a hammer [TS]

  I think he's the one that has 4 d's on [TS]

  it what fucking alternate tuning matters [TS]

  and that's it Joyce he's gonna go with a [TS]

  hammer this is the problem i saw them [TS]

  and then the next night their equipment [TS]

  was stolen it was I was not involved but [TS]

  it sucked because they didn't even know [TS]

  how some of the cars were tuned and they [TS]

  were pretty sure they couldn't replicate [TS]

  it so i think i think Tom Tom violence [TS]

  potentially shadow over that I think I [TS]

  think there are certain songs that just [TS]

  had to come off the replicator that [TS]

  anymore because I guitar was 21 some and [TS]

  never to begin but you're never getting [TS]

  that this gets respect to the goodwill [TS]

  how many really really good guitar [TS]

  screwdrivers you can find in pairs be [TS]

  honest because it depends on how its [TS]

  organized and this is my this is my [TS]

  concern [TS]

  I think the problem is you going to [TS]

  goodwill and as you're describing this [TS]

  nigerian prince you could see a level of [TS]

  organization that reflects a certain [TS]

  certain human Felton song that goes way [TS]

  beyond how anyone would ever think about [TS]

  buying something used for not much money [TS]

  I think I connection between those two [TS]

  things is virtually non-existent i think [TS]

  at the corporate level I don't even have [TS]

  the corporation they probably probably [TS]

  have a card table somewhere this is [TS]

  goodwill on it but but i think the [TS]

  people this man right [TS]

  and let me just say this last thing on [TS]

  this because I want you to cover closed [TS]

  and then home items but I'm gonna talk [TS]

  about two areas i'm gonna talk about [TS]

  music and electronics now music it's [TS]

  always a complete mess [TS]

  the these are you talking about the [TS]

  music section of Google if you go find [TS]

  records you go to find like a giant [TS]

  thing of cassettes you want to pick up a [TS]

  package single boy feels good to say [TS]

  that Tupac a single huh you want to get [TS]

  any of that like you're screwed I mean [TS]

  what oh yes except if you go to the [TS]

  hipster Goodwill's there are good ones [TS]

  now triple the triple the price on every [TS]

  single thing right now but they [TS]

  organized their music section that's [TS]

  what hipsters just get this topic will [TS]

  so that they can so they can put all the [TS]

  damn Fogelberg records and in in order [TS]

  and they do have all of them they do [TS]

  meanwhile who the the cups and saucers [TS]

  and the tupperware sections are just [TS]

  reject piles of debris and attractive [TS]

  because these these kids are grown you [TS]

  know they're organizing the skinny ties [TS]

  and they're organizing the cds and the [TS]

  rest of the good ones go to hell yeah [TS]

  thanks to google for some of my least [TS]

  favorite places to call boy [TS]

  first-principles here's the problem it [TS]

  used to be that somebody in your family [TS]

  died and whether or not you like them [TS]

  you did not keep their clothes now this [TS]

  is good for us write this but still it [TS]

  every once in a while every one swallow [TS]

  does not started it was actually of I'm [TS]

  like to smell mothballs and i'll run to [TS]

  the back and it's some guy some guy died [TS]

  and I is 25 suits from the fifties are [TS]

  in there but of course they're all 94 [TS]

  small if these little girls by your [TS]

  seats [TS]

  alright it's a it's it's kinda there's a [TS]

  slight smell if there's definitely [TS]

  mothballs mildew and dreams deferred and [TS]

  that go fast because that's going to be [TS]

  some good-ass suits but here's the thing [TS]

  i think they realize that I blame Gordon [TS]

  shown obsessive magazine we're in some [TS]

  kind of fucking further Bella today now [TS]

  there is cherry-picking if I could say [TS]

  going on at [TS]

  every level their cherry-picking no no [TS]

  it's always been that the people of [TS]

  goodwill or salvation army they always [TS]

  get first they get dibs if a boa came in [TS]

  and the shits out the door in Fogelberg [TS]

  got plenty of those for me i'm talking [TS]

  about backroom cherry-pick oh I'm [TS]

  talking about a very high level on this [TS]

  is that this is a walmart style model of [TS]

  distribution will now be have it on put [TS]

  it on the United think I think what [TS]

  happens now is you go drop that shit off [TS]

  at the dumpster and at the goodwill or [TS]

  whatever right and I think that goes to [TS]

  cut some kind of disturbing central [TS]

  processing probably in reno nevada and [TS]

  and and and lots of the Dominican [TS]

  children separate that but they want to [TS]

  hear this is the this is the thing [TS]

  they're 75 different levels of [TS]

  cherry-picking going on at any thrift [TS]

  store you know that's getting picked [TS]

  from its getting picked at central [TS]

  distribution it's getting picked now [TS]

  they have all these are all that they [TS]

  have these boutique sections etcetera [TS]

  etcetera and that's getting picked by [TS]

  the people who work there and then who [TS]

  work at the at the individual places and [TS]

  then that first rung of professional [TS]

  pictures that show up at eight o'clock [TS]

  on monday morning you're talking about [TS]

  the idea the EPA flea market types [TS]

  well and yeah getting SC people to make [TS]

  a living on on reselling shit they find [TS]

  a thrift stores I used to date a girl [TS]

  who was a picker and she and i would go [TS]

  out to these thrift stores out in the [TS]

  middle of nowhere and we'd be walking [TS]

  through the aisles and people would be [TS]

  coming down the aisle the other way and [TS]

  as they let's just call this girl let's [TS]

  say her name is a Maurice that's the [TS]

  lack of a better name but so it can be [TS]

  walking through the island this person [TS]

  would come be walking toward us and as [TS]

  they pass us they say hello Maurice and [TS]

  she go [TS]

  oh hello Stan and there'd be all this [TS]

  like derision dripping off of both of [TS]

  them and you know and then the other [TS]

  person would wheel their cart full of [TS]

  full of nike air jordans and torn [TS]

  t-shirts and and horsehair jackets and [TS]

  whatever else asked us and I would just [TS]

  a little cool cool picker friction [TS]

  yeah and I'd say how do you know that [TS]

  person we're in the middle of were like [TS]

  out in monroe [TS]

  or whatever she's like oh I know all [TS]

  these people and they're like they're [TS]

  like full of hate for each other because [TS]

  because that that's what they do there [TS]

  with my comments like comics people like [TS]

  any of these people who are digging you [TS]

  know and you can you certainly met [TS]

  rendered people like this right now the [TS]

  end and musical instrument people well [TS]

  that's that's different because that's a [TS]

  that becomes a challenge I think this is [TS]

  happening I don't want to sound [TS]

  conspiratorial but i think is happening [TS]

  at a much deeper level now I think the [TS]

  goodwill 95 right by all my Paul [TS]

  Westerberg looking clothes and I think [TS]

  that stuff was going from the dumpster [TS]

  to to the mothball room and straight [TS]

  onto the show floor probably within a [TS]

  matter of minutes [TS]

  what I'm telling you is happening today [TS]

  I think all that stuff is going on [TS]

  trucks to a central center they got [TS]

  photos of Kim Gordon up possibly the zoo [TS]

  deschanel you know or you know who's [TS]

  only with the zoo II know Zoe did she [TS]

  ever did she ever get mad that she looks [TS]

  like a Perry such me it happened [TS]

  sometime astronauts i think i think the [TS]

  best story I ever heard was she was at a [TS]

  baseball game here in Seattle and and [TS]

  some drunk guy and then she made it [TS]

  sound like this happens to her all the [TS]

  time [TS]

  some drunk I was like I know you I know [TS]

  you have a super big fan and she could [TS]

  just tell that they thought she was Katy [TS]

  Perry this is before she be soon she was [TS]

  this is before everybody knew her like [TS]

  Elvis al-fara well no after that but [TS]

  when she was still an indie darling [TS]

  before she was a genuine bona fide [TS]

  celebrity shows doing quite well I heard [TS]

  it is [TS]

  yeah it's made her quite famous but in [TS]

  any case this guy's like no dude I [TS]

  totally know you i love your stuff and [TS]

  she's like yeah you think I'm Katy Perry [TS]

  but I'm not he's like oh no what [TS]

  yes maybe and I think that used to [TS]

  happen to her a lot but now I mean her [TS]

  pictures on every dorm room wall in [TS]

  America she's still get it wrong I [TS]

  stuck-up lucky magazine below but let me [TS]

  let me just let me just put the final [TS]

  capper on this goodwill question [TS]

  probably put that you put the [TS]

  penultimate caprica's like a big capper [TS]

  all right well here's my cash and she'll [TS]

  go ahead if you have to you have to [TS]

  approach thrifting so philosophically [TS]

  and one of those things is if you get if [TS]

  you get obsessed with all the things [TS]

  that you are missing out on if you get [TS]

  obsessed with all of the great things [TS]

  that have been picked [TS]

  by thousand thousand levels of picker [TS]

  above you you it will it will get inside [TS]

  your brain and slowly drive you crazy [TS]

  you will not be able to do anything else [TS]

  but think about going to the thrift [TS]

  stores because thrift stores are like [TS]

  they're like a tide pool stuff stuff [TS]

  comes comes in with the tide it goes out [TS]

  with the tide and you have to just you [TS]

  have to just get out of the thinking [TS]

  that there's anything good there you [TS]

  have to walk into every thrift store [TS]

  with the conviction absolutely [TS]

  everything you know is s no you have to [TS]

  have the zest it's a nun curious like a [TS]

  nun curious and curated Museum of overly [TS]

  normal that you write your hipsters want [TS]

  to go and say oh I'm going to place the [TS]

  Philadelphia with the eyeballs or [TS]

  whatever in this case you could walk in [TS]

  there and you're going to learn if [TS]

  you're watching if you're just sitting [TS]

  around going like Oh am I gonna find a [TS]

  for freshman record you know that's [TS]

  going to limit your vision your skin [TS]

  your mad at the guy who got it before [TS]

  you sure i want to speak in philadelphia [TS]

  i went into a thrift store there one [TS]

  time and I found one of these scenarios [TS]

  block John Rocker should have a blog [TS]

  about place to sleep in but start with [TS]

  start with thrift stores [TS]

  I should have a blog stop i wanted to [TS]

  this place and there is a need and I [TS]

  know what you need a Boswell I'm not [TS]

  gonna put your Boswell I got the biggest [TS]

  Johnson's I've ever met and I think you [TS]

  need a Boswell I don't have I am a big [TS]

  johnson but would you find me a Boswell [TS]

  i can find Boswell you know right go one [TS]

  word Sunset magazine that's two words [TS]

  maybe not sunset maybe i would go to [TS]

  like we've got to come back to ads I [TS]

  will not I will literally not stop [TS]

  talking to come back to ads but you need [TS]

  somebody to be capturing all this I'm [TS]

  doing what I can for now i'm john the [TS]

  baptist not Jesus I'm here for a while [TS]

  to help out [TS]

  you need somebody on a more fundamental [TS]

  level opening a blog and literally [TS]

  capturing all of this facebook is not [TS]

  where it needs to go John's knees in [TS]

  front of people like here's the ring i [TS]

  appear to people on the road to Damascus [TS]

  every fucking day and you know what they [TS]

  do they drive around me I'm standing [TS]

  there Michael oh hello waving my arms [TS]

  which are you Paul know which I Damascus [TS]

  well I'm appearing on the road was that [TS]

  all is well he but who appeared [TS]

  Oh JC prime yeah the big JC wipe a [TS]

  tripod scales on his eyes [TS]

  what does that mean [TS]

  remember that this is the scales fell [TS]

  from his eyes that was on Damascus right [TS]

  maybe it was a maybe he was promoted and [TS]

  I'm dreiling this go ahead please [TS]

  continue to academy was Eureka your [TS]

  recapping is that we're decapping when [TS]

  he doing [TS]

  i'm sure i was talking about this love [TS]

  story went into in Philadelphia where I [TS]

  found you on a man's entire wardrobe an [TS]

  entire you know like 15 suits [TS]

  custom-made shirts beautiful beautiful [TS]

  stuff and it fit me perfectly except [TS]

  that this man had incredibly short arms [TS]

  let's say you look like it like a snappy [TS]

  looking Boris Karloff well except that [TS]

  the pants weren't correspondingly short [TS]

  like if the pants had been short and the [TS]

  sleeve or short i would have bought I [TS]

  would have bought all this stuff I want [TS]

  to dropped five hundred bucks in this [TS]

  place to short me to do anything with [TS]

  this is not a question of you you pull a [TS]

  couple stitches and get an extension or [TS]

  talking like a little my level of [TS]

  fucked-up Police these sleeves went [TS]

  halfway down my arms again like a [TS]

  3-quart like a rock and roll concert [TS]

  jersey and this guy had his it had all [TS]

  this stuff tailored like it was it was [TS]

  handmade stuff and the the pants fit [TS]

  they were the right length he was the [TS]

  right height he was a giant of a man and [TS]

  his arms were were half as long as mine [TS]

  either that or he was like he had his [TS]

  suits his custom-tailored so he could do [TS]

  the dishes without rolling up his [TS]

  sleeves or something I don't know but he [TS]

  had pretty wrists [TS]

  it was devastating to me because it was [TS]

  that it was the Holy Grail right i just [TS]

  found an entire wardrobe about that used [TS]

  to belong to a man with class and taste [TS]

  and distinction a tailored for him at a [TS]

  time when people made things by hand [TS]

  again the steak waiter this is they knew [TS]

  that they were making clothes for people [TS]

  and matter this seems had to hold yeah [TS]

  well but turned out that this guy had [TS]

  like flippers instead of our ok but you [TS]

  understand correctly you're telling me [TS]

  that for obvious reasons because of his [TS]

  purpose you know [TS]

  t-rex to live my problems for whatever [TS]

  reason that was unclear probably not a [TS]

  note in the pocket explaining that don't [TS]

  know but whatever the hell that states [TS]

  LOL i'm just say lockets maybe there was [TS]

  maybe there was a note maybe he had a [TS]

  note so didn't truth to the side show at [TS]

  esa i'm just thinking that his whole [TS]

  house he might have had one of those [TS]

  special houses maybe a helper monkey [TS]

  with something extremely interesting [TS]

  going on there but here's the thing i [TS]

  think this is like like meeting the [TS]

  woman you think is perfect and then you [TS]

  find out that she only listens to fish [TS]

  you know in that case you found [TS]

  something was so disturbingly close to [TS]

  perfect for you but it was yet so [TS]

  fundamentally wrong all this happened to [TS]

  me this exact story [TS]

  Maurice Maurice Maurice or Morris [TS]

  because you don't want more that's [TS]

  probably more and more skip is is how [TS]

  you pronounce that was a different [TS]

  different when I'm Maurice Gibb [TS]

  pronounced his name know I just I feel [TS]

  bad for years i've been mispronouncing [TS]

  that it's Morris really pronounced [TS]

  Morris no past and and if you watch the [TS]

  bee gees a man running behind music [TS]

  fantastic first of all you don't realize [TS]

  how great the bee gees were all we know [TS]

  is that there was a period where they [TS]

  were a lot of our tell me how much I [TS]

  realized how great the bee gees were you [TS]

  got a problem with the bee gees i am a [TS]

  super beauty is fun about Massachusetts [TS]

  like Massachusetts it's all good it's [TS]

  all good here ok so here's my question [TS]

  for you [TS]

  obviously because of these of some [TS]

  unknown a disability or bad decision he [TS]

  needed special clothes a and B you're [TS]

  telling me i'm sergeant Morris Morris [TS]

  past I think I was close with Australian [TS]

  goodwill now have in la i'm gonna happen [TS]

  i gotta hang out with this up he needs [TS]

  but you need special clothes because he [TS]

  was bald [TS]

  oh no that's the other 10 that's the one [TS]

  that's not robbing that would be Robins [TS]

  no Morris Morris past you thinking of [TS]

  robbing and his Jojo let's hear the one [TS]

  Robin there's buried I'm sorry Barry [TS]

  berries berries the one [TS]

  yes yeah I'm you know what strike all of [TS]

  that [TS]

  here's the thing was it well you're [TS]

  telling me it was well made clothing [TS]

  oh my god it was so he had the means [TS]

  with bulletproof this guy was he was [TS]

  part of a he was he lived in a big house [TS]

  this guy see that way i would be [TS]

  thinking about that forever everything [TS]

  because somebody had a diamond-tipped [TS]

  cane [TS]

  and I bet the cane was really long I [TS]

  claims and singers the arms didn't reach [TS]

  down to the Almighty Williams ending her [TS]

  I'm Taiwan to tell this story though [TS]

  about this girl I met this girl in a [TS]

  like in Narcotics Anonymous meeting and [TS]

  she was so beautiful and she was so [TS]

  saving all these four paws well she's so [TS]

  smart and she was just choose to call [TS]

  the things that at the time I i thought [TS]

  was what i needed in life and that you [TS]

  know and and meeting her where I did it [TS]

  that all seem to fit and I was like this [TS]

  girl and I we we have this we have [TS]

  allowed the same problems we have a lot [TS]

  of the same gifts and this has been this [TS]

  is a relationship that's this is this is [TS]

  the this may be the one and i went back [TS]

  to her house and on my way to the [TS]

  bathroom I noticed in a corner a shrine [TS]

  I'm not kidding now a shrine to the [TS]

  counting crows like shadow poster [TS]

  no no she had several framed photographs [TS]

  arranged in a shrine like sort of [TS]

  tryptic with Campbell's all come on crow [TS]

  candles and ice and I couldn't let it go [TS]

  unmentioned discounting throws that the [TS]

  thick Rolling Stones banner think that [TS]

  Morrison van or the big van morrison [TS]

  been the film's both managers be the [TS]

  crows the currents the Grossman the [TS]

  black crowes right and Italy that faces [TS]

  cover [TS]

  yeah pretty good they were good cover [TS]

  band yeah yeah actually they had a [TS]

  couple of good this is really mrs. Jones [TS]

  and me write that and then this was back [TS]

  at a time [TS]

  I mean those guys have somehow just [TS]

  threw one jetty like they're still out [TS]

  on the road the counting crows him have [TS]

  converted somewhat by having indie bands [TS]

  open for them i mean i'm not going to [TS]

  say that the counting crows have have [TS]

  have credit of any kind but they're a [TS]

  little close to look at gin blossoms [TS]

  thing where you could go you know what I [TS]

  mean like there's a gym blossom songs i [TS]

  was thinkin there but that yes the [TS]

  dreadlock fat face guy [TS]

  yeah by dating Jennifer Aniston by being [TS]

  like a Hollywood creep he [TS]

  been in her bathtub he had he's he's [TS]

  been he has washed his patchouli so [TS]

  dirty Jesus infinitely innocence [TS]

  bathroom you know how much time she [TS]

  would have this man at home depot just [TS]

  to figure out a solution for keeping all [TS]

  his beard beard and hair shit out of her [TS]

  bathtub [TS]

  although you know she gets she's very [TS]

  time she does and she gives one the [TS]

  impression of somebody who says no you [TS]

  can't shower on my house she seems nice [TS]

  she doesn't seem nice talking about your [TS]

  my mom said I think she seems very [TS]

  pleasant jennifer aniston from the TV [TS]

  show with the hair [TS]

  my mom said one time apropos of nothing [TS]

  she was like you know that meg Ryan even [TS]

  though she always plays roles where [TS]

  she's like a an anxious tidy [TS]

  ball-breaking little bitch she seems [TS]

  like a nice person [TS]

  I don't get that at all but Jennifer [TS]

  Aniston who always plays roles where [TS]

  she's your best friend and kind of also [TS]

  like a little bit [TS]

  she's a little bit tidy but she's like [TS]

  you know always playing roles of like [TS]

  you don't think she seems a little [TS]

  down-to-earth Jennifer Aniston Jennifer [TS]

  Aniston the actress [TS]

  well you know one time I was in the [TS]

  dentist's office and I picked up a copy [TS]

  as well as got a busy week ahead and [TS]

  picked up a copy of architectural digest [TS]

  as one does and I was flipping through [TS]

  the pages get a restaurant and she and [TS]

  there was a spread a photo spread on [TS]

  Jennifer Aniston's new hollywood hills [TS]

  home huh which had been professionally [TS]

  decorated by professional decorators huh [TS]

  and I tried to picture myself standing [TS]

  in that living room in a bathrobe saying [TS]

  yelling into the kitchen [TS]

  jen jen is there i know there was a book [TS]

  on miles van der Rohe in here somewhere [TS]

  and i seem to have misplaced you know [TS]

  where it is [TS]

  I'm sorry honey I didn't hear you i was [TS]

  starting the risotto [TS]

  yeah and and I&I I pictured myself in [TS]

  this room in this bathrobe and I just [TS]

  could not I just didn't feel it but as a [TS]

  man who loves and misses [TS]

  man loves best let's take let's take it [TS]

  as read she's probably got a little [TS]

  extra dough [TS]

  let's say you came in your the new gen [TS]

  bow and first of all obviously you're [TS]

  going to ask that you have the bathtub [TS]

  professionally cleaned to remove all the [TS]

  dirts right now all aspects of Duras [TS]

  you're going to bring in like some kind [TS]

  of fucking CSI team just make sure [TS]

  there's not there's not a lick a [TS]

  dreadlock in there right [TS]

  I i we love a bath without John you love [TS]

  that I knew it wouldn't have occurred to [TS]

  me that he had a fire about but fouled [TS]

  it [TS]

  yeah i guess i would have to insist that [TS]

  she move [TS]

  oh ok go and like throw away the [TS]

  mattress and stuff i mean i know that [TS]

  was a long time would you stay there [TS]

  after she moved her place yeah and [TS]

  roadways I don't know quedo she got you [TS]

  gotta move but tell you what I so I'm [TS]

  technical digest sorry Boswell [TS]

  Architectural Digest got damaged on [TS]

  we're gonna have to have four new shows [TS]

  because it can you hear this cute [TS]

  literally here okay [TS]

  architectural digest on her spread and [TS]

  not now here's something i do and i [TS]

  should not do this I should not do this [TS]

  but my wife who you know is one of the [TS]

  greatest people in the world and she's [TS]

  the best and so there's a dumb thing [TS]

  that I do for her [TS]

  that's a dumb thing we both enjoy which [TS]

  is I pick up silly magazines for her [TS]

  that ladies like that they're silly [TS]

  magazines and things you do this you you [TS]

  leave through i go and get something I [TS]

  pick up some half-and-half and maybe I [TS]

  did you do this you come back with an [TS]

  armful of us weekly's and we can we move [TS]

  past those we were past why do mostly I [TS]

  know which month were up to and so i'll [TS]

  get a vogue i will get a bizarre go [TS]

  through the highlight top level ones [TS]

  first right I'll do a vote I'll do a [TS]

  bizarre failing at that I will fall back [TS]

  on a lucky because everybody loves a [TS]

  lucky it's a magazine about the shopping [TS]

  and style and stickers let me hit you [TS]

  with a helmet with a mind bomb who but [TS]

  do you ever go get italian vogue for her [TS]

  that is a very complicated question the [TS]

  very do you wanna know the answer i do [TS]

  okay well this is a tenuous thing that [TS]

  we do like it there any things cost [TS]

  money and stuff and we probably [TS]

  shouldn't be spending money on a silly [TS]

  magazine enjoyment 25 bucks so I'm only [TS]

  kind of allowed to do that so often but [TS]

  yes what i will do is well first of all [TS]

  so 10 [TS]

  vogue no doubt the day it comes out on [TS]

  there i get it i bring out right did you [TS]

  ever see that movie The September issue [TS]

  is a no you gotta know Anna Wintour i [TS]

  think that the big the big guy you look [TS]

  like as in it on telly telly all the big [TS]

  guy look like [TS]

  careful not that way i could be a couple [TS]

  got it right here my holster there are a [TS]

  lot of them actually legit write jokes [TS]

  for the Oscars [TS]

  uh-huh mark John Roderick the block her [TS]

  but i buy these for and then the funny [TS]

  part is and I and you know and it's just [TS]

  yeah but never discuss publicly but it's [TS]

  something i am happy to do she takes [TS]

  care of our daughter and in our home and [TS]

  she's the best person I've ever known [TS]

  and so I get these silly magazines but [TS]

  then I get angry I look at this in [TS]

  magazines i'll be able defecating or [TS]

  occasionally urinating and then the [TS]

  covers of the magazines make me angry [TS]

  I sometimes look through them to see if [TS]

  there's anything you know keep pictures [TS]

  of girls which there are no but you're [TS]

  gonna get in trouble if you look at [TS]

  those four no she's fine with that [TS]

  she's fine with that no no I'm not [TS]

  talking about the naked girls I'm [TS]

  talking about don't look inside women's [TS]

  magazines they contain multitudes of the [TS]

  of of angry making yeah things that you [TS]

  just you you're not supposed to look [TS]

  there don't go there you will turn to [TS]

  stone you will turn into a pillar of [TS]

  salt [TS]

  well and in my racket the heart thing my [TS]

  racket is like I yeah you don't know [TS]

  about this stuff idea from my whatever i [TS]

  do but like I'm going to this idea of [TS]

  like there's not really easy solutions [TS]

  to a lot of stuff and so sometimes i [TS]

  will be confronted with something like a [TS]

  self magazine itself itself is a [TS]

  third-tier magazine if we've gone [TS]

  through the folks if you got through the [TS]

  harper's bazaar's if we've made it [TS]

  through the luckys she does not like a [TS]

  lure lure isn't isn't as a magazine [TS]

  about lipstick on sat for teenagers and [TS]

  lures no good [TS]

  that's right that's right you might get [TS]

  her like a like a 17 but i but I look at [TS]

  herself and itself and I occasionally [TS]

  will take a photo of herself because the [TS]

  cover is is is so rife with nothing but [TS]

  bullshit shortcuts the stuff that you [TS]

  shouldn't be worrying about anyway we'll [TS]

  see this is intoxicated psychology today [TS]

  I will not read a psychology oh you're [TS]

  more than i can and i cannot even I [TS]

  can't look at the cover because now you [TS]

  know you notice now they put cute girls [TS]

  on the cover of Psychology Today now all [TS]

  it is it's a giant photo shoot of like [TS]

  of like cute kind of young moms right [TS]

  like overcoming their problems and that [TS]

  isn't a thing that I I don't you know [TS]

  first of all young moms [TS]

  yeah oh I well just start thinking about [TS]

  young moms and I can't even myself and [TS]

  now let's ok [TS]

  my only thought was this and in this is [TS]

  sometimes and just your point now about [TS]

  the the jennifer aniston problem i like [TS]

  that kind of circle back to that because [TS]

  i think you're wrong i also want suggest [TS]

  the one that's unusual move have one [TS]

  counting exactly one counting crows song [TS]

  that I really like a lot and I think you [TS]

  wouldn't hate it so i'll send you a link [TS]

  to that later but the perfect for [TS]

  jennifer aniston anecdote you know I got [TS]

  a lot of problems you may not know this [TS]

  i have a lot of problems with christina [TS]

  aguilera I don't know that all we talked [TS]

  about how she's ruined singing at sports [TS]

  oh yeah she's terrible but but shiny [TS]

  she's very very shiny but a thing a [TS]

  thing about christina aguilera that i [TS]

  have heard from through the grapevine [TS]

  the music business great line is that [TS]

  then that you would not expect this [TS]

  I don't think looking at her or or [TS]

  interacting with her public image but [TS]

  apparently she is a tremendous [TS]

  professional who arrives at the studio [TS]

  on time and works her ass off all day [TS]

  without ever throwing a coffee and a [TS]

  intern or without ever having a diva [TS]

  tense tantrum she busts her little she's [TS]

  a good singer she bust her balls if you [TS]

  will [TS]

  yes in the studio and has earned the [TS]

  respect of all the like pocket called [TS]

  recording engineers that she's working [TS]

  with them that is no small thing so I [TS]

  mean I can deal with a good deal well [TS]

  you know I get a job I don't like that [TS]

  does not actually surprised me i think [TS]

  they have longevity in this business [TS]

  I'm guessing you have to have you have [TS]

  to have some measure that and but also [TS]

  obviously you have to suffer a lot of [TS]

  things like photo shoots but there's [TS]

  just one particularly kills me i wish i [TS]

  could find the photo but it was the [TS]

  spread [TS]

  on her newly remodeled house which witch [TS]

  is which of course looks like a museum [TS]

  designed by a by a gay man with a little [TS]

  too much money and but there's this one [TS]

  shot i love of her and it's her in her [TS]

  like dressing room it's not even it's [TS]

  kind of a closet but it's like in just [TS]

  an extra room like they ran out of new [TS]

  rooms to have in her bedroom that [TS]

  involve clothes and they made a great [TS]

  room there's a great room and it's got a [TS]

  ladder in it because she's got like nine [TS]

  hundred pairs of shoes and it's this [TS]

  photo of her of course is very very [TS]

  shining up the ladder [TS]

  she's standing on the ladder in 6-inch [TS]

  heels totally dressed up like she's and [TS]

  and with the dude with the giant red [TS]

  lipstick and smiling and her child is in [TS]

  that sweet barefoot child way sitting on [TS]

  the floor like playing with some [TS]

  carefully arranged blocks and it made me [TS]

  so fucking angry I almost don't even [TS]

  know what I almost did I was so angry [TS]

  because it was you know the whole like [TS]

  I'm just don't mind me walking around my [TS]

  six inch heels here on a ladder on my [TS]

  child's you know I would be just i would [TS]

  share your anger if a girl up a ladder [TS]

  wasn't like one of my special things [TS]

  oh yeah with the shoes to know [TS]

  everything that's a thing now the pic [TS]

  shoes I don't care about is what it will [TS]

  split the difference with suits or [TS]

  whatever probably gonna wrangle that [TS]

  baby they probably had they had block [TS]

  Wranglers you know when Christina [TS]

  Aguilera sees her baby once a week I [TS]

  swear to use the baby is being raised by [TS]

  very competent employees [TS]

  she's a pro she's a pro and and and [TS]

  she's but she's undoubtedly going to [TS]

  turn out just fine better than Mia [TS]

  Farrow's kids [TS]

  well no she had some complications um no [TS]

  I'm not I'm not hot for christina [TS]

  aguilera but imagining her up a ladder [TS]

  looking at looking at a wall shoes [TS]

  that's where I'll find it for you [TS]

  reminder for you i want to find I want [TS]

  to find something here talk to our [TS]

  audience for 4 30 seconds about [TS]

  something very back I'm gonna cut this [TS]

  out talk to them [TS]

  I'm well let's see well dear audience i [TS]

  know that it is hard sometimes for you [TS]

  to make it through life and so there are [TS]

  things that you could remember too [TS]

  make it easier and one of those things [TS]

  is to keep moving and get out of the way [TS]

  because these are important lessons for [TS]

  to learn we should have PSAs I mean [TS]

  obviously the whole show the ark if you [TS]

  like the I don't know over in a lot of [TS]

  ways is just it's a series of [TS]

  interlocking PSAs it's almost it's like [TS]

  existential legos hmm i took photos this [TS]

  morning [TS]

  now this is the funny thing about o [TS]

  magazine i think what I've done this [TS]

  morning want nothing I said like a [TS]

  little humility your leaves and I stay [TS]

  with my wet piles of leaves [TS]

  yeah and became demoralized just the [TS]

  word dollery uh did I use it well I [TS]

  store do I said dolorous as an adjective [TS]

  and then I have a hard to go back and [TS]

  listen but I think you might have coined [TS]

  the word dollery know I think I said the [TS]

  lower oh how do you spell that t.o.o you [TS]

  are take my color like like take [TS]

  dolorous think the US off take the oh us [TS]

  off this is our Canadian you in that [TS]

  yeah there's a you okay huh [TS]

  dollar a pretty name for a girl no [TS]

  magazines a funny thing is very [TS]

  dollar-for-dollar easy i could see you [TS]

  on that the test the test should be [TS]

  could you yell it off the porch [TS]

  you know what I mean dollery Anastasia [TS]

  you terrine like the no magazine is a [TS]

  funny thing because I can always get mad [TS]

  at the cover of oh I want to talk more [TS]

  about Oprah we don't have time for today [TS]

  I want you at the story about oh hmm [TS]

  thats that French not fix me [TS]

  I make my seating or face the this was [TS]

  on the cover i took a photo of this and [TS]

  i will probably post this this is in the [TS]

  lower left-hand corner of the latest [TS]

  issue of O Magazine and it says bonus [TS]

  colon shows soldiers colon but it's [TS]

  gotta be one of them [TS]

  I've got as i write some Collins I gotta [TS]

  stop pronouncing the bonus Cole wait [TS]

  wait ! sorry Jonas know what the thing [TS]

  is if you can pronounce your ear [TS]

  punctuation mark but you have to change [TS]

  your voice you can't just a bonus colon [TS]

  is a bonus business apply common [TS]

  no known yeah if you're going to permit [TS]

  that if you put if you're pronouncing [TS]

  your leg your punctuation marks i think [TS]

  the implementation of change positive [TS]

  change the register [TS]

  yeah the implication is that there are [TS]

  parentheses around your spoken and [TS]

  spoken word colon ok site bonus bonus [TS]

  parentheses comma parentheses [TS]

  well you can see / n hoes self-awareness [TS]

  workbook all caps [TS]

  that's the head and then so [TS]

  self-awareness work and then under that [TS]

  where they illuminate what that means it [TS]

  says you bring the pencil we bring the [TS]

  Enlightenment encouragement and snacks [TS]

  I mean that again i was self-awareness [TS]

  workbook you bring the pencil comma we [TS]

  bring the Enlightenment comma [TS]

  encouragement comma and snacks no period [TS]

  you know what it by requiring that the [TS]

  people that the and I'm gonna go out on [TS]

  a limb here and say my requiring the [TS]

  women who read this magazine to bring a [TS]

  pencil who this path to enlightenment [TS]

  already has more and has more work [TS]

  involved than ninety percent of the [TS]

  self-help books out there you don't even [TS]

  require that they bring a pencil [TS]

  that's a good point you just get you [TS]

  just gotta bring out a problem in a [TS]

  little self delusion but you're saying [TS]

  okay so you don't because the value [TS]

  proposition there as we say in business [TS]

  development because it's not what I [TS]

  haven't looked at the workbook yet I [TS]

  couldn't bring myself to write somebody [TS]

  suggested that i do the artist way the [TS]

  other day we should talk about that [TS]

  iíve thoughts on that this is gonna be [TS]

  a smaller version of the artists way the [TS]

  workbook and the in the well here's what [TS]

  here's will surprise you is sometimes [TS]

  there was one that was the angriest Oh [TS]

  cover ever for me and it was something [TS]

  like it was one of those blocks [TS]

  something something does it like unleash [TS]

  the artist within kind of things [TS]

  hmm unleashed the artist within and I [TS]

  went all God put it is i opened up and [TS]

  and it was like not someplace missing [TS]

  gold macaroni and comfortable with [TS]

  insulin and then putting it on a purple [TS]

  sweatshirt [TS]

  Merry Christmas don't yell at me hard [TS]

  remember that right there I i was [TS]

  walking down some street somewhere [TS]

  there's listen this cute little old lady [TS]

  was walking toward me with us a [TS]

  sweatshirt she clearly made yourself [TS]

  with applique and [TS]

  and and tensile and it was their [TS]

  embroidery it was like it was a real [TS]

  craft project and as I got closer I saw [TS]

  that it said don't yell at me [TS]

  that's a death cab for cutie shirt isn't [TS]

  don't yell at me no I i ended up ended [TS]

  up using it on a long really long shirts [TS]

  the the White Castle design i sent you [TS]

  so I'm actually coined that as a way to [TS]

  describe everything all the other people [TS]

  on your label well it was that was that [TS]

  was I mean that was what was it morph [TS]

  into at the time this is the genesis of [TS]

  that at the time it broke my heart [TS]

  because I was because smile boys full [TS]

  like awful how nice and then I was like [TS]

  don't yell at me [TS]

  Oh No hello picturing her home life that [TS]

  misses her response to it you know what [TS]

  I'm going to do [TS]

  I'd like to make a sweatshirt that [TS]

  doesn't take five minutes to make know [TS]

  she worked on it she worked on it for [TS]

  four we got you gotta keep thinking [TS]

  that's again can I say John Roderick's [TS]

  if you're going to make a shirt like [TS]

  that you don't make one of those you [TS]

  know anything she probably got a whole [TS]

  series right it's like potato chips are [TS]

  in the course of the animals you don't [TS]

  do that once and then walk away I'm [TS]

  thinking he's got away with what someone [TS]

  says don't rape me up the kitchen sink [TS]

  or whatever [TS]

  sorry I'm imagining I'm that's easy [TS]

  deliberated about what part of what I'm [TS]

  gonna wear that day [TS]

  no no I mean that you maybe think [TS]

  bathroom kitchen utility room [TS]

  it probably happens in the kitchen so [TS]

  which which which which potential menace [TS]

  of sync [TS]

  do I want to focus on i'm thinking there [TS]

  could be some wish I'd done a couple [TS]

  things differently you know but at after [TS]

  I fully absorb this woman in her life [TS]

  into my into my mind and and I process [TS]

  to the tragedy it was it was not very [TS]

  long after that I started interacting [TS]

  with young indie-rockers who felt who [TS]

  probably all should have been wearing [TS]

  like homemade don't yell at me t-shirts [TS]

  and I felt like a boy I need to do [TS]

  something for these people and so I made [TS]

  them i made a long winters t-shirt that [TS]

  said don't yell at me [TS]

  it was a that was in the pretend to fall [TS]

  typeface and yeah early times when it [TS]

  was it was a picture of the White Castle [TS]

  logo right that up in the top of the [TS]

  white castle instead of saying buy a bag [TS]

  of burgers don't you don't yell at me [TS]

  there are many of them out there we sold [TS]

  out pretty fast [TS]

  that's a it's a I'll kill for that I [TS]

  would have another example of an in-joke [TS]

  inside of an in-joke inside of an [TS]

  injunction that is for some reason now I [TS]

  don't understand why my band isn't more [TS]

  successful like I actually I got a card [TS]

  on that i started my online identity it [TS]

  for you on that having the reason is [TS]

  that the shins and the resemblance it's [TS]

  did not have did not encode that many [TS]

  different levels of not that funny weird [TS]

  sad in joke into their t-shirt art they [TS]

  just gave people a simple like they can [TS]

  burn on it and they let me put it out [TS]

  there and they were so much more [TS]

  reluctant to explain why you were [TS]

  listening to it wrong and how you were [TS]

  listening to it wrong all the [TS]

  conversations I've had at the merch [TS]

  table where people are like I love that [TS]

  song you might not get my treadmill in [TS]

  your connect to it wrong but you're not [TS]

  enjoying my music the right way [TS]

  counting crows the picture the ladies [TS]

  also the ads here's the thing about the [TS]

  ads now another thing is that lady and [TS]

  she had found and I want to agree with [TS]

  you about about the classified ads [TS]

  starting with probably boy's life maybe [TS]

  highlights i don't know if they had [TS]

  singles and highlights but definitely [TS]

  boy's life and you open a boy's life and [TS]

  in the back there's all kinds of things [TS]

  for military academies for example one [TS]

  of which I went to heavily advertised [TS]

  important life magazine and then and [TS]

  what you're describing sunset right [TS]

  yes sunsets got lots of like you know [TS]

  your kids died on the morning for drug [TS]

  camps and send it off to do to private [TS]

  school in Arizona and we will get them [TS]

  off the pot and I have a friend who went [TS]

  to one of these he is a he's a local [TS]

  well he's a he's a fairly famous rock [TS]

  drummer and he went to one of these get [TS]

  your kids off pot schools have been the [TS]

  fastbacks [TS]

  he has been in the fastbacks ok and you [TS]

  know he came back to Seattle a changed [TS]

  man in the sense that he learned all [TS]

  kinds of new tricks for lighting weed [TS]

  from other drugs kids but you know you [TS]

  to bring drugs kids from all over the [TS]

  region and put them all in 1 1 school [TS]

  for a year and they teach each other how [TS]

  to how to hotwire gold winning [TS]

  motorcycles and had a you know we're [TS]

  just a shadow you know there's so many [TS]

  things that I'm gonna be wrong about [TS]

  just like historically there's so many [TS]

  things i'm gonna be wrong about with my [TS]

  kid and I i want to share one that I'll [TS]

  probably wrong recognizing her toys but [TS]

  organizer toys for her it's helpful [TS]

  useful for everyone if she wants to read [TS]

  if she wants a red isosceles triangle [TS]

  magnet I'll she knows where that is [TS]

  oh he's not gonna have to sort through a [TS]

  bunch of blue blocks that should be [TS]

  somewhere else is going to join a [TS]

  motorcycle gang it strikes it strikes me [TS]

  that if you've got a kid we were having [TS]

  and I'm ready to be wrong about this and [TS]

  it'll come up and bite me but but it [TS]

  strikes me that right at the time when [TS]

  you feel most like you should really [TS]

  crack down on your dumbass kid and you [TS]

  do stuff you do stuff to remove the [TS]

  Freedom and the options and you you this [TS]

  is this compulsion either give up and [TS]

  sentimental camp or or find some way to [TS]

  otherwise infantile eyes them and and [TS]

  and it is my theory that do that's [TS]

  exactly the wrong thing to do i think [TS]

  what you do I think you send your kid to [TS]

  a third world country with a hundred [TS]

  dollars or or maybe or maybe New York [TS]

  with a hundred twenty dollars you send [TS]

  them somewhere you throw them into a [TS]

  fucking shark tank and let them find out [TS]

  a smartypants video game guy you tell me [TS]

  now what happens next [TS]

  yeah smarty pants video game right you [TS]

  know maybe it goes a little bit Midnight [TS]

  Cowboy you know the lady Mae Tootsie [TS]

  later so I things can change [TS]

  I'm not entirely prepared to throw my [TS]

  thirteen-year-old kid in the New York [TS]

  City with the daughter twenty dollars [TS]

  but here's my version of that and this [TS]

  is my plan and i hope that i lived to [TS]

  see this day which is that what if if my [TS]

  child has started to have problems [TS]

  starts to get willful [TS]

  which they would which happens to some [TS]

  of them the batarangs the kids whose [TS]

  parents saying this sunday they just [TS]

  don't get willful yeah [TS]

  some kids just are nice and respect [TS]

  their fathers all the way through but [TS]

  the ones that don't here's what I'm [TS]

  gonna do [TS]

  I've been you know been wanting to do [TS]

  this for years and even before the idea [TS]

  of having a kid picker to me but now I [TS]

  have a reason and that is i'm gonna buy [TS]

  an old jeep i'm gonna i'm gonna set a [TS]

  price limit right I'm gonna say twelve [TS]

  hundred dollars that's the most i'm [TS]

  gonna pay for a jeep about twelve [TS]

  hundred dollar jeep take the kids out of [TS]

  school put the kid in the jeep and the [TS]

  two of us drive to Tierra del Fuego and [TS]

  you know twelve hundred dollar g is not [TS]

  going to make it all the way to Tierra [TS]

  del Fuego just something you read about [TS]

  the new yorker no no the new yorker [TS]

  doesn't have the balls to think this way [TS]

  not a cheap and we're going to drive as [TS]

  far as this Jeep will take us and then [TS]

  you keep extending then you'll fight [TS]

  when she break down or get stolen then [TS]

  we're on r you know then we have to use [TS]

  our wits either to get them to keep the [TS]

  jeep running with bailing wire and and [TS]

  chewing gum wrappers or by some other [TS]

  means [TS]

  perhaps on the back of a borough we will [TS]

  continue our trek and we will god damn [TS]

  well make it to the end to the Tierra [TS]

  del Fuego and through this process the [TS]

  child will learn the value of a the [TS]

  value of a peso the child will learn how [TS]

  to speak spanish disposition and burrows [TS]

  the child the child will learn exactly [TS]

  how to handle a burrow on a mountain [TS]

  trail the child will learn to respect [TS]

  his or her father positions me because [TS]

  of my commanding I think you're way more [TS]

  likely to find a lady on a ladder than [TS]

  for that fantasy to work done [TS]

  whoa and it can I ask can I ask how the [TS]

  experience the del Fuego incident how is [TS]

  that going to change you John remark [TS]

  well will you come let us full weight we [TS]

  learn lessons i love this is one of [TS]

  these things where I learned a lesson [TS]

  about love that's exactly what happens [TS]

  when I get down there you know and then [TS]

  and I realize well probably that I fall [TS]

  in love with a beautiful Argentinean [TS]

  woman who's a like a dancer and who's [TS]

  who appears to be sort of one of the [TS]

  noble poor but then it turns out later [TS]

  that she's actually an heiress to a [TS]

  giant to a giant plantation on the [TS]

  pompous there and she's just spending [TS]

  like she's spending some time living as [TS]

  a poor woman a noble poor woman before [TS]

  she takes over the management of this [TS]

  hundred thousand acre ranch when we fall [TS]

  in love that's probably what's gonna [TS]

  happen [TS]

  my likes and like so many incredibly [TS]

  rich Argentinian women pretending to be [TS]

  poor [TS]

  she'll just get God just fucking fucking [TS]

  wetter than a hothouse windowed by you [TS]

  haven't really fucked-up kidnapper are [TS]

  she's gonna be all over that you can [TS]

  come on and I got a whole borough room [TS]

  come to directly into my large what they [TS]

  have was a lot of the update on the [TS]

  pompous what do you have you got AI got [TS]

  a ranch what how it's got a big range [TS]

  that big ranchos llamas a llama place [TS]

  there they might be breeding heritage [TS]

  llamas ok it's going to be one of those [TS]

  Reagan style ranches where you mostly [TS]

  have symbolic would know there's beef [TS]

  cattle their beef cattle and argentine [TS]

  steak place it is and she's going to say [TS]

  you know at that point in time in this [TS]

  story i'm going to be 50 years old and [TS]

  have a great beard [TS]

  I'm gonna be a big gray beard American [TS]

  fifty-year-old 20 pounds lighter couple [TS]

  of pounds lighter couple records out who [TS]

  might or might not be a former CIA agent [TS]

  who the knuckles are kind of you know [TS]

  bruised from having been working on the [TS]

  distributor of this $12 jeep and whose [TS]

  daughter by that point is a well-behaved [TS]

  spanish-speaking friendly court also we [TS]

  will have been solving mysteries the [TS]

  whole way so you know what our [TS]

  reputation will precede us that's how [TS]

  will be introduced in the first place [TS]

  because she'll come to me needing a [TS]

  mystery solved [TS]

  it'll probably down your daughter or the [TS]

  rich lady [TS]

  the rich lady will come to my daughter [TS]

  and I and say help me solve the mystery [TS]

  of who killed my father [TS]

  oh that's how that's how will realize [TS]

  she's not a noble poor woman she's [TS]

  actually an heiress but here's the [TS]

  things other dude died under mysterious [TS]

  circumstances yes but here's the thing [TS]

  and this is where it gets a little bit [TS]

  thin man I mean obviously that part [TS]

  doesn't apply but you you go out and you [TS]

  and your daughter with with your [TS]

  crime-solving burrow can go out and [TS]

  track down these details things in our [TS]

  Argentinian fake for women would never [TS]

  realize you might discover that in fact [TS]

  her father faked his death and he's [TS]

  simply he's now in our Nigerian prince [TS]

  working in a goodwill and which point [TS]

  she could collect the many millions of [TS]

  dollars that he had all around so now [TS]

  she's like double rich well what [TS]

  concerns me is that he may be one of the [TS]

  pair father maybe one of the the German [TS]

  émigré is if you will [TS]

  20 flooded into Argentina told this lady [TS]

  at me with her that everybody knows no [TS]

  sure my father was a World War two [TS]

  veteran so your father also had [TS]

  fantasies about being a former CIA agent [TS]

  let's just say grandfather it's her [TS]

  grandfather who kale right perhaps from [TS]

  a European country that was recently [TS]

  devastated in the interwar and right now [TS]

  he has a bakery we re-established loves [TS]

  ovens [TS]

  oh I think that when I think that's [TS]

  we're gonna cook a steak John Roderick [TS]

  you know stand up and you cook it on her [TS]

  open flame which you have swords you put [TS]

  her in a sword clicking on an open flame [TS]

  that's how they doing in Argentina [TS]

  networking works on so many levels I was [TS]

  skeptical at first but now it's a you [TS]

  see the logic government [TS]

  yeah i guess the rotation program for [TS]

  the for the kid [TS]

  it's a you know it's a it's a way of [TS]

  finding love for me her or realizing [TS]

  that love is real and we get to solve [TS]

  the mystery of who killed her naughty [TS]

  grandfather and we end up living in a [TS]

  giant ranch in Argentina for half the [TS]

  year that's pretty good now would you [TS]

  send the kid back at this point which he [TS]

  lived there in harmony now because she's [TS]

  so well-adjusted it depends if i see her [TS]

  looking [TS]

  any of those little argent time Gauchos [TS]

  I'm standing right back to her mother [TS]

  don't you know because girls girls get [TS]

  into that time of their life I'll uh I [TS]

  don't relish it [TS]

  now you're getting a whole new burrow [TS]

  for that the you know didn't when you [TS]

  said bakery before you before you made [TS]

  your obligatory holocaust joke [TS]

  I don't know what you mean before when [TS]

  you said bakery earlier it reminded me [TS]

  that there was a serial killer in [TS]

  Anchorage who owned a bakery right up [TS]

  the street from my dad's house and and [TS]

  when he got caught there make the reason [TS]

  i mention this is there they're making a [TS]

  movie about it now starring john cusack [TS]

  our Cusack and i keep getting emails [TS]

  from my friends in Anchorage with these [TS]

  john cusack sightings in Anchorage them [TS]

  like what is John Cusack doing in [TS]

  Anchorage always making a movie he's [TS]

  making a movie about the this the serial [TS]

  killer of that on the bakery and what's [TS]

  amazing is that might one of my good [TS]

  friends in high school his father bought [TS]

  this bakery immediately after [TS]

  this bakery immediately after [TS]

  the serial killer got caught and we used [TS]

  to hang out in this bakery all the time [TS]

  and you know and and thought of it as [TS]

  the as the serial killer bakery it was [TS]

  anyway the deed is done on site was it [TS]

  was it did he kill people are mad at the [TS]

  bakery or is that just as base of [TS]

  operations [TS]

  well no that was the he was a he was [TS]

  apparently a talented Baker his name was [TS]

  robert hansen food but he did this the [TS]

  ceiling two names no no Robert Christian [TS]

  and see ya [TS]

  they all have three names but uh but he [TS]

  did he [TS]

  the the reason they're making a movie [TS]

  about this guy is that he was also a [TS]

  bush pilot and he would kidnap these [TS]

  girls take them out into the bush set [TS]

  him free and then hunt them down rifle [TS]

  wow yeah fucked up [TS]

  what did you do on weekends yeah well [TS]

  yeah who made the bread [TS]

  well you work you know didn't he was [TS]

  gone it yeah that's the thing about the [TS]

  above being a bush pilot that people [TS]

  from the lower 48 don't realize which is [TS]

  that you can fly out into the middle of [TS]

  nowhere [TS]

  Hunter girl with a rifle and make it [TS]

  back in time to watch your shows [TS]

  I mean it's not like you don't have to [TS]

  go out for like five days write-ups you [TS]

  kidnap the let's say let's say [TS]

  hypothetically you kidnap the girl in [TS]

  the afternoon keep hearing you sing [TS]

  after all because the thing is i think [TS]

  in the mornings gonna be very busy you [TS]

  get up early [TS]

  you gotta do a lot of baking I don't [TS]

  want people for baked goods in Anchorage [TS]

  i'm guessing lots of baked goods really [TS]

  need that stuff there's lots of because [TS]

  people are gonna be picky about the [TS]

  quality so it seems like he's got a lot [TS]

  of pressure on him he's going to see [TS]

  this is the thing about Alaska no one's [TS]

  picking about quality [TS]

  ok they want quantity are happy to get [TS]

  their paying extra they pay a little bit [TS]

  extra yeah for sure she's not writing in [TS]

  Alaska Hawaii everything's more [TS]

  expensive it is it used to be a lot more [TS]

  expensive when it when they had to ship [TS]

  stuff up on the back of a borough now [TS]

  it's pretty systematized they've got it [TS]

  going on they can get you can get you [TS]

  some fresh eggs you have to pay five [TS]

  dollars and [TS]

  when I was a kid 55 bucks and aguilar [TS]

  you're lucky you haven't you really take [TS]

  your time and enjoyed that egg [TS]

  Oh God some of those five dollar eggs [TS]

  they were you know they'd already been [TS]

  they've been sitting on a truck throw [TS]

  throw a month but you guys are tough you [TS]

  like that kind of stuff [TS]

  Patera new chest sure yeah but anyway so [TS]

  so that but i think that he was able by [TS]

  by having some employees perhaps and [TS]

  also by do quick turnaround he could go [TS]

  hunt these girls out he said the [TS]

  girlfriend the forest them down and then [TS]

  make it back in time to make the donuts [TS]

  you're saying don't let my castigate all [TS]

  the Baker's but we should seriously look [TS]

  at the bush pilots I feel like if you [TS]

  are a baker and a bush pilot who [TS]

  that's two strikes against you if you [TS]

  have three names and if people call you [TS]

  buy all three names that's always that's [TS]

  always your warning sign [TS]

  yeah mm handguns are just ok up there if [TS]

  you're if you're a baker in a bush pilot [TS]

  and you're just carrying around a gun [TS]

  you know you go out with two people come [TS]

  back with one nobody the airport's [TS]

  asking questions about that nobody says [TS]

  hey shouldn't you be making bear claws [TS]

  no no if you have if you get in an [TS]

  airplane and it and it isn't also full [TS]

  of rifles that would raise suspicion [TS]

  smarty even need to be carrying rifles [TS]

  at all times and two people go up in an [TS]

  airplane one comes back that's not gonna [TS]

  raise any suspicions that that's the [TS]

  whole business of Alaska two people go [TS]

  up in a bush plane one comes back that's [TS]

  the that's that's how business is done [TS]

  so it's what its tourism oil and [TS]

  disappearing know that it's a state for [TS]

  disappearing people there are all these [TS]

  people in Alaska and I've been thinking [TS]

  about this a lot lately because because [TS]

  I on one hand i understand it on the [TS]

  other hand it as i get older it's it [TS]

  sounds crazier and crazier to me but [TS]

  they're all these people that go up in [TS]

  the fall to their little cabin they go [TS]

  up in the fall with the intention of not [TS]

  coming back out until the spring [TS]

  and this is you know this is a lot of [TS]

  people up there who's boos boos vision [TS]

  of either their vision of paradise or [TS]

  just the twists and turns of life has [TS]

  resulted in them being in a situation [TS]

  where they go up in the fall and they [TS]

  come out in the spring and they spend [TS]

  that whole winter either alone [TS]

  well mostly alone don't like there's [TS]

  they are like that is it is it a kind of [TS]

  hibernation it seems like they don't [TS]

  know they're working they're there [TS]

  they're trapping begging hunting they [TS]

  may be baking a little bit but that's [TS]

  not their main occupation they're [TS]

  trapping their their living off the land [TS]

  the winter land and and this is their [TS]

  thing [TS]

  this is their life they they they live [TS]

  in isolation in a bit far far away that [TS]

  Kelly you sometimes I sometimes it does [TS]

  but I've spent enough time like living [TS]

  alone in a cabin in the Alaskan [TS]

  wilderness to know that metaphorically [TS]

  it's it in a certain kind of madness [TS]

  that's in know I've spent a little time [TS]

  out there [TS]

  I think I think I'm starting to [TS]

  understand why one of the numerous [TS]

  reasons why your life is so complex [TS]

  minutes it's not just about wet leaves [TS]

  you know it's just it's not just about [TS]

  applique t-shirts [TS]

  it's about you have two very you have [TS]

  very into at least two warring [TS]

  influences in your life there's the [TS]

  there's the one hand that says that you [TS]

  should be a crazy guy in a shack out in [TS]

  in in the middle of winter and no one [TS]

  knows where you are possibly dropping [TS]

  ladies out of a plane and and there's [TS]

  another warning part of you that says [TS]

  you should be crazy gonna burrow [TS]

  dragging your daughter all the fuck over [TS]

  South America right and that's and I [TS]

  have to think that in your mind one [TS]

  reason if I may say even if it dried out [TS]

  today one reason you may not be out [TS]

  there on your knees literally fucking [TS]

  picking up wet leaves is that these are [TS]

  warring things and I think that puts you [TS]

  in a bathtub [TS]

  I think that puts you in the bathtub is [TS]

  how do i have the shack and the borough [TS]

  you're not wrong [TS]

  you're not wrong it's complicated i saw [TS]

  a picture on on facebook the other day a [TS]

  friend of mine taking a picture of his [TS]

  kids and laughing guy and prominently [TS]

  featured in the background of this of [TS]

  this picture of his [TS]

  daughters there's a like a like a giant [TS]

  husqvarna chainsaw that's just kind of [TS]

  that he just set down on the back of the [TS]

  couch you know like he sees like hey [TS]

  girls get on the couch I want to take a [TS]

  picture of you and put on this new [TS]

  facebook thing that I discovered oh [TS]

  we're gonna put this chainsaw [TS]

  oh I'll just set it here on the back of [TS]

  the couch so the little girls sitting on [TS]

  the couch and there's just there's a [TS]

  chainsaw that's bigger than either one [TS]

  of them on the back of the couch and I [TS]

  look at this picture with a certain [TS]

  amount of of envy like god damn it if I [TS]

  had a chance on the house people would [TS]

  call me crazy [TS]

  yeah and I mean especially if you're [TS]

  using it using it in now like a little [TS]

  miss on scene [TS]

  I mean do you think he had that in mind [TS]

  the DCO no no he's just okay with he's [TS]

  so chainsaws a gas-operated series of [TS]

  spinning blades and you just have that [TS]

  in your living room on the couch [TS]

  well it's that he came in he came in and [TS]

  the house isn't the house isn't that big [TS]

  like everything is have a halt here here [TS]

  at my my palatial compound I have a [TS]

  whole chain saw building i have a [TS]

  building where my chain saws are he had [TS]

  he's living in a cabin or no Hall you [TS]

  walk in and the chainsaw goes it's [TS]

  getting probably hanging on a nail and [TS]

  behind it all [TS]

  an old suspicious-looking rusty hook and [TS]

  he didn't he didn't put it up on the [TS]

  nail you didn't get to that because he [TS]

  was like trying to corral the girls or [TS]

  whatever new so he set it on the back of [TS]

  the couch and it just seems like thats [TS]

  you know if there was a way to combine [TS]

  that with the with the borough life the [TS]

  life that the Jeep unto burrow under [TS]

  think that incompatible from a [TS]

  philosophical standpoint but here's the [TS]

  problem i don't think they are either [TS]

  but in the middle of that is me living [TS]

  in a house in seattle and playing the [TS]

  guitar like that has to be in there too [TS]

  and it's just too much to think about [TS]

  and I need to take one of those little [TS]

  ones like that from time down can you [TS]

  get her maybe look at like a uke or [TS]

  something and get some portable portable [TS]

  guitars talk about a little guitar [TS]

  yeah but how my god see now you're into [TS]

  this whole thing I like people that [TS]

  carrier [TS]

  a little guitar like a little guitar guy [TS]

  well and then just guy with guitar like [TS]

  I i know that positions are like I'm the [TS]

  guy with the guitar way I'm like that's [TS]

  not I'm not the guy with the guitar when [TS]

  it when i put a guitar on it is it is [TS]

  like putting on johnston armor go for [TS]

  looks like it's like it's like the [TS]

  sheriff taking out his sidearm he don't [TS]

  you don't you don't you don't take that [TS]

  the wave it around you take it around to [TS]

  give somebody one between the eyes and [TS]

  that's what you do you're making like [TS]

  I'm i got the gun here i am now pow [TS]

  right now getting the local looking for [TS]

  eyes you leave the you leave the gun in [TS]

  the holster until it's absolutely needed [TS]

  and that's that's what how I am with [TS]

  with the with the guitar and so no I'm [TS]

  not when I picture myself solving crimes [TS]

  in South America with with my daughter [TS]

  and my era sergeant I Marisa who one [TS]

  thing i do not pictured myself doing is [TS]

  pulling out my guitar around the [TS]

  campfire and serenading the the Gauchos [TS]

  with my with like a version of blue [TS]

  diamonds like that's notthat doesn't [TS]

  occur to me at all [TS]

  yeah they should be working anyway [TS]

  exactly i'm not there to entertain them [TS]

  they're the fucking Gauchos get out and [TS]

  heard some cattle I'm i got other things [TS]

  to do i'm solving crimes I don't know [TS]

  there's an answer or not answered any of [TS]

  this John I mean you're going to take [TS]

  the directions you take that assume [TS]

  you'll take a bath but i but i'm super [TS]

  interested in what the the ladies of [TS]

  version when they come to your home [TS]

  wherever you end up living whether [TS]

  that's so it in a that should change the [TS]

  bush area more or with an heiress & [TS]

  Burroughs I'll be very interested to see [TS]

  what the interiors of your newly [TS]

  professionally remodeled home look like [TS]

  well I'll tell you what it you know when [TS]

  i'm looking for that book on miles van [TS]

  der Rohe thinking etiquette knees his [TS]

  name is mise I think so isn't as easy it [TS]

  smiles you see me Davis I don't know me [TS]

  what kind of name is mise I think I [TS]

  think he's a hollandaise [TS]

  Oh am I getting the van der Rohe part [TS]

  right thing is it doesn't matter Jon it [TS]

  doesn't matter all you got to have is a [TS]

  bunch of those books nobody's even this [TS]

  does those books can be made out of [TS]

  styrofoam nobody cares rates should [TS]

  check that [TS]

  yeah would you look that up means yeah [TS]

  well no I mean that there's no book in [TS]

  my house that that I mean they're both [TS]

  in my house that I haven't been read but [TS]

  there are no books that are just here [TS]

  for display purposes [TS]

  yeah they're all they're all on the list [TS]

  of books to be read some of these books [TS]

  this is this depressing thing some books [TS]

  in my house i will never read you really [TS]

  believe that it seems to seems to me [TS]

  like you you have you have a such a such [TS]

  a breadth of aspirations obviously [TS]

  starting with helping people but I mean [TS]

  if you're if you're going to make a cut [TS]

  into any of these projects maybe [TS]

  starting with the leaves [TS]

  I mean aren't you could have to at some [TS]

  point say it's just gonna be okay for me [TS]

  to not to not have this short man suit [TS]

  short arm and suit or maybe not read [TS]

  this particular you know multi-part [TS]

  series on the fall of the Roman Empire [TS]

  I'm don't you let some things go [TS]

  sometimes have to go over some girl in [TS]

  Belgium one time you mean here we go [TS]

  like five different books by alain de [TS]

  boat and photo call brother and have [TS]

  gotten right back on the fucking plane [TS]

  for every part of that and she was like [TS]

  are you love this guy is so brilliant [TS]

  and you're smart and I think it's [TS]

  beautiful how you will take all this [TS]

  book sir I learned about time was a bit [TS]

  as good and i took the books and I took [TS]

  the books and I think I even may have [TS]

  promised to give them back to her when i [TS]

  was done and I read a couple of them i [TS]

  don't know they're on your shelf right [TS]

  now i'm looking at i'm looking at them [TS]

  on myself and i'm like there are at [TS]

  least two or three of these books that [TS]

  I'm just never gonna read I'm not gonna [TS]

  they're never gonna come a time when i'm [TS]

  gonna say i haven't read enough [TS]

  Elaine the boat on books wasn't gonna [TS]

  get these three young gal oh boy I can't [TS]

  wait to keep going you know I think I [TS]

  got the gist I got the gist and it was [TS]

  not a negative experience that you say [TS]

  well I mean you know you know you could [TS]

  open up just gonna crack the cover a [TS]

  little bit i think that by a little bit [TS]

  of you know the thing is now some a [TS]

  couple of people that I that I follow on [TS]

  Twitter who are friends from the from [TS]

  the old days they apparently follow his [TS]

  twitter account and periodically retweet [TS]

  some little like aphorism of of healthy [TS]

  mental thinking or something I don't [TS]

  know what some spot philosophy they [TS]

  retweet it and everything you've got [TS]

  digested a lot of this material and then [TS]

  that returned it they call it a Belgian [TS]

  promise I I feel like but a Belgian [TS]

  promises like a Belgian mullet Belgian [TS]

  promise is when you take books that you [TS]

  never wanted to read in the first place [TS]

  take them back to their home and then [TS]

  neither read nor return them take them [TS]

  back to your home country flip through [TS]

  them read a couple of them on the plane [TS]

  and then make fun of the person you know [TS]

  she's fine or whatever she says she [TS]

  started working for the she started [TS]

  working for the international court and [TS]

  now she I think she lives in Nigeria as [TS]

  a Belgian diplomat and then of a [TS]

  problematic relationship the Felton's [TS]

  with Africa I'm starting to really [TS]

  wonder how much is this is just [TS]

  completely fucking made up [TS]

  I don't know yeah there's John you have [TS]

  brought in more Belgians and nigerians [TS]

  that are and Argentineans and Alaskans [TS]

  than any 500 people I've ever met [TS]

  there's no way you know anything about [TS]

  to nigerians that's not a bad thing you [TS]

  don't think check the weather is going [TS]

  to dry up today you might be able to get [TS]

  there get your league and so it's [TS]

  raining [TS]

  I'm when the rest of this day is going [TS]

  to be spending the bathroom if I have [TS]

  anything to say about it is all too [TS]

  traumatic just thinking about all this [TS]

  stuff [TS]

  yeah but i dunno a couple of people that [TS]

  work at work for the international [TS]

  border [TS]

  I know a couple of people who do one guy [TS]

  from hungry [TS]

  [Music] [TS]