Roderick on the Line

Ep. 232: “The Going-With Years”


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00:00:17   [Music]

00:00:22   hello hi John hi Marilyn

00:00:26   how's it going mm come a little bit sick

00:00:32   yeah you have a sore throat right yeah

00:00:36   but now it's not a sort of wheaton oh

00:00:39   the chocolate croissant

00:00:44   okay he's gone dolorous i'm a little

00:00:48   dollar at all don't be dolorous come on

00:00:50   you know it's a little bit everything

00:00:52   you know

00:00:53   no no no no dollar oh I spy was up very

00:00:57   late last night hmm

00:01:00   it's a long story so the day before this

00:01:03   is the place for a long story

00:01:04   this is the home you look forward to

00:01:08   this this is this is your eyes is your

00:01:10   life raft

00:01:10   it's a long story place pine em so I

00:01:15   years ago when i moved into my house the

00:01:19   people that had fixed it up

00:01:23   I've talked about this they did it did a

00:01:26   terrible job

00:01:26   yeah maybe something they made some

00:01:29   pretty weird decisions that did not have

00:01:31   the long view in mind

00:01:32   that's right yeah they didn't think to

00:01:34   put in a monk hole but maybe some weird

00:01:36   like recessed lighting or something like

00:01:37   that

00:01:38   there's no fireman's pole oh come on

00:01:41   yeah how about your bookshelves mean

00:01:43   when you move your bookshelf for you you

00:01:45   pull back the head on your Shakespeare

00:01:46   their switches is there anything that

00:01:48   that affords you uh an unseen location

00:01:51   in the house

00:01:51   not a one how do not put that at the top

00:01:54   of the way but that's not true there are

00:01:56   two hidden doors but here's the thing if

00:01:58   you're if you're gonna I mean if you're

00:02:00   gonna make changes to your house you

00:02:01   really should begin by making sure that

00:02:03   you have cool hidden panels doorways and

00:02:05   tunnels that it's not everything you do

00:02:07   after that the wiring the plumbing where

00:02:10   you put the new half bath it's all gonna

00:02:12   be governed by where the corridors are

00:02:13   because you got new corridors now Percy

00:02:15   small huh

00:02:16   when you that's one of the things that

00:02:19   infuriates me the most about quantum of

00:02:22   solace or whatever the fuck that movie

00:02:24   was mr. my colon yeah where they've got

00:02:27   their he's got this beautiful house in

00:02:29   the middle of nowhere and he's got this

00:02:30   amazing escape

00:02:33   a tunnel next to the fireplace and it

00:02:35   goes down in with this amazing warren of

00:02:38   escape rooms and then its never fully

00:02:43   covered in the movie but you go out a

00:02:46   tunnel and then it just sort of appears

00:02:49   in the yard and there's no like it

00:02:52   because it's like a big field for ya

00:02:54   easily spotted well that yeah right it

00:02:56   doesn't go

00:02:57   it just goes out into the septic field

00:03:00   but also it's never clear in the movie

00:03:03   like they never show the last hundred

00:03:05   yards like you get down they there's a

00:03:10   scene where they go down and then there

00:03:11   in the very night the the what it looks

00:03:14   like the basement

00:03:15   yeah and then the next shot is a bit of

00:03:20   a of them or him for poking his head up

00:03:25   out of the grass like a like a good

00:03:27   grass or is it a shed I might be

00:03:29   completing this with another movie I

00:03:30   don't think there's a shed I think he

00:03:32   just pops up in the middle of the grass

00:03:34   is really poorly thought out but there's

00:03:36   no door or anything there's no you know

00:03:38   that's a hundred yards or more 300 yards

00:03:43   he's really out there in the yard right

00:03:44   it's a long way to go and and my

00:03:48   question is obviously is that whole is

00:03:54   that whole distance like a like a stone

00:03:57   lined quarter that you can stand up in

00:03:59   and then you get to the end and they're

00:04:01   just like a little it's like you push

00:04:03   some grass a party it was like a matter

00:04:05   of yes it feels like a metaphor you put

00:04:08   all this care into the tunnel that

00:04:09   didn't need to be that nice and the end

00:04:11   we ended you could at least have like

00:04:12   say like a look at you get Hogan's

00:04:13   Heroes where where like the dog in the

00:04:16   dog house goes up ahead

00:04:18   Boop mi been labelled LeBeau see your

00:04:23   god that's a really good point if you

00:04:24   did it all go

00:04:25   yeah or a well or a chapel or some other

00:04:30   thing that you pop out you don't just

00:04:33   pop out in the graph somewhere an easy

00:04:35   shot

00:04:36   yeah exactly you know the snipers

00:04:39   pointed at the house all the sniper has

00:04:41   to do is just turn hundred eighty

00:04:43   degrees right

00:04:44   anyway so that so my house was equipped

00:04:48   with what is described at the hardware

00:04:52   store as decorator switches which are

00:04:56   switches light switches that are both

00:05:02   ugly and unusable

00:05:05   ok they don't look like white switches

00:05:07   they look like something else and there

00:05:11   they were dimmer switches just like the

00:05:14   Stella we got the theater lighting

00:05:15   effect

00:05:16   mhm those are very satisfying hit no the

00:05:20   world they don't the thing is these

00:05:22   don't even have a clique because they

00:05:24   are touch-sensitive yeah so you put your

00:05:27   hand on it and you roll your fingers up

00:05:30   at like you're on some kind of like

00:05:32   you're playing an eighties keyboard and

00:05:35   you have like a sensitivity string a

00:05:37   four-dimensional switch

00:05:38   yeah it's like it there but they don't

00:05:43   work so you walk in the house and you're

00:05:45   like lights on and the lights like they

00:05:48   sometimes don't respond to your touch

00:05:50   they sometimes respect you know they

00:05:52   sometimes go all the way on and then all

00:05:53   the way off immediately like a beautiful

00:05:54   woman that's so frustrating jen well so

00:06:00   when I first moved in I was like this

00:06:02   will not stand and I took two of them

00:06:04   out and i put in

00:06:06   normal what what are they look like

00:06:10   lights which is normal like looking

00:06:12   switches but they are dimmers right so

00:06:16   you move the little lever instead of

00:06:18   going flick and the light is on you move

00:06:19   the little lever and the light goes off

00:06:21   i thought that was a good you know like

00:06:25   a nice balance

00:06:27   dimmers have their place and I found a

00:06:33   thousand-watt switches which wow big

00:06:39   switches at the time with these dinners

00:06:41   on them and I put them in

00:06:43   well the other day that was ten years

00:06:45   ago when I bought this house the other

00:06:47   day I walked in the kitchen i turned the

00:06:49   dimmer down almost all the way to the

00:06:51   bottom and the switch went

00:06:53   oh no and I was like 20 no so I set

00:06:59   their monkey with it

00:07:01   can I get it to do it again you know

00:07:03   that's the number one thing you do when

00:07:04   you get to replicate the air

00:07:06   yeah and yes you can get it to do it

00:07:08   again

00:07:09   in fact it every time now and so and

00:07:13   then the room smelled with the smell of

00:07:15   smoke like that smell in the nineteen

00:07:18   seventies when you put too much ice in a

00:07:19   blender boy

00:07:21   oh you get there look at that engine

00:07:22   working hard smell I don't like that so

00:07:24   no it's bad it's really bad when it's

00:07:27   coming from your light switches yes so I

00:07:30   said this is a bad this is particularly

00:07:32   bad because the dimmer is the thing that

00:07:36   you're gonna you're gonna put all the

00:07:39   way down and somebody's going to do it

00:07:41   and walk away and this thing is going to

00:07:43   be sitting there shorting that's going

00:07:45   to start firing the wall so I was like I

00:07:47   gotta do something about this

00:07:48   immediately i'm sick i don't want to do

00:07:49   anything it's cold i went to the

00:07:54   hardware store they don't sell thousand

00:07:56   watts which is anymore

00:07:57   the guy at the hardware store was like

00:07:59   what there's never been such a thing as

00:08:02   they always do at a hardware store where

00:08:04   did you get these alternate fax them

00:08:07   that's right and I'm like I bottom here

00:08:09   at this very hardware store 10 years ago

00:08:11   oh wow 10 years ago

00:08:14   yeah 10 years itself what's the life

00:08:16   expectancy on these things if this look

00:08:19   at me and can remember things I

00:08:20   supposedly but yeah yeah that's right

00:08:23   i'm mr. 10 years ago

00:08:25   ok anyway so i bought some new switches

00:08:29   and then I figured you know what I'm

00:08:31   just gonna change all the switches in

00:08:33   the house because that's the kind of

00:08:34   thinker i am well you're thinking big

00:08:36   big scale here it is

00:08:38   BYE MOM mass so i bought a bunch of

00:08:42   switches and then I'm sitting in the

00:08:44   house to change in all these switches

00:08:47   and I'm a little bit of a you know I'm

00:08:51   little lackadaisical so so I'm i made an

00:08:55   error one point and I caused because

00:08:57   some parking

00:09:00   no it's not good so I'm sorry I should

00:09:03   have asked you this earlier there's all

00:09:05   kinds of things in my house that I keep

00:09:06   meaning to fix and a lot of my put off

00:09:08   because they only got to shut off the

00:09:10   power before i do anything that is your

00:09:12   power off while your monkey in with the

00:09:14   the arcing switches yeah the powers off

00:09:16   but I turned I went down like I had I

00:09:19   had things wired and I was like I should

00:09:23   go down turn power on and test that

00:09:25   everything works but I hadn't zip them

00:09:28   back i hadn't slipped them all back into

00:09:30   the wall and a couple of things were

00:09:33   hanging out of the wall and they touched

00:09:37   one another and ground themselves out

00:09:39   stupid rookie mistake but in the course

00:09:43   of it I'll i fried one of my new parts

00:09:46   so i had to go back to the part where

00:09:48   store God dignity is one of these days I

00:09:52   mean I didn't have to tell them what I

00:09:53   done but it was just like oh yeah it

00:09:55   turns out i need another one of these

00:09:57   yeah i was so good this one more of them

00:09:59   exactly

00:10:00   yeah so I got them all in the house it

00:10:03   works a lot better I / 10 years I've

00:10:05   been living with these switches that I

00:10:06   just hated everybody hated them

00:10:08   it was like coming into my house and

00:10:11   turning on the lights was not just an

00:10:14   intelligence test but it was an

00:10:16   intelligence test that you that give you

00:10:18   a different route result every time a

00:10:20   madness

00:10:21   yeah so people would come in and maybe

00:10:22   you know they reach out to the light

00:10:23   switch I think a lot a lot of the people

00:10:25   that would you know guests in my home

00:10:27   would just leave the lights off because

00:10:30   they didn't wanna they didn't even want

00:10:31   to deal with the interface but now I

00:10:34   have normal-looking switches that do

00:10:37   normal replicable things nothing

00:10:39   shorting out but in the process of

00:10:43   fixing this

00:10:45   I had the doors of the house open both

00:10:48   front and back door because i'm running

00:10:49   in and out

00:10:53   and then a late at night because I i'm

00:10:56   up late right now these days

00:10:57   oh I'm lying in bed and a mouse runs by

00:11:02   oh no i've never had a mouse in my hand

00:11:06   it's cold outside right now it's cold

00:11:08   outside so the mouse says I come in here

00:11:10   mhm left the back door open and the

00:11:13   mouse is like super cool and so I've

00:11:20   just I've just created a whole other

00:11:22   problem never had a map I mean you know

00:11:24   there's mice and then there's my

00:11:26   surround these toys in the attic

00:11:29   yeah but I never a mouse in the house so

00:11:34   now now I've got like hopefully a mouse

00:11:39   it's probably our mouse bounty and grace

00:11:42   probably a ranger and explorer you know

00:11:45   he said some sense of boys out to go

00:11:47   like check things out this is good place

00:11:49   to have some ice and ice

00:11:51   mhm get in there check it out come back

00:11:53   and tell us and then I closed the door

00:11:54   and he was like huh who

00:11:56   but I you know I mean a mouse can get a

00:12:00   mouse can get out

00:12:01   so you're already up late already might

00:12:03   have liked but didn't either the mouse

00:12:05   kind of compounded the yeah i'm laying

00:12:08   around and thinking about this mouse

00:12:10   instead of instead of sleeping anyway so

00:12:14   that's where i'm at that God is still in

00:12:17   there as far as you know as well yeah I

00:12:18   mean I didn't tell him to leave

00:12:20   yeah i think i have to dispatch him

00:12:26   yeah I I don't like the trend Beyonce if

00:12:34   I had my druthers I would even have

00:12:35   power windows in a car because in my

00:12:37   head I know this is 30 40 year old

00:12:39   information but power windows to me

00:12:42   where we met and talked about this what

00:12:45   if you go into a river was going to a

00:12:46   river shirt need now you need a special

00:12:48   tool to not die in a car

00:12:49   yeah you need the window breaking to it

00:12:51   makes it makes the doors very heavy

00:12:53   because you have to have an engine

00:12:54   another you have to have and in engines

00:12:57   in your doors to make the windows go up

00:12:59   and down engines on your door engines in

00:13:01   the doors and I

00:13:03   aim not loving that also you know it's

00:13:06   another one of these things in this this

00:13:07   was before cars got good they're all

00:13:11   these problems were like the rich guy

00:13:12   stuff that you would put in a rich guy

00:13:14   car

00:13:15   we're all pretty consistently the stuff

00:13:17   that broke first yep it's so like if you

00:13:19   have an AC delco am/fm radio in your GM

00:13:23   car you know if you still have that car

00:13:25   I better than one part that still works

00:13:27   is the am FM radio with the chunk

00:13:30   buttons on any blow it out to program it

00:13:33   and program it

00:13:35   fuck you you're pulling out to set it

00:13:37   chunk chunk you listen to Q 105 it Tunes

00:13:41   perfectly flawlessly every time that

00:13:44   doesn't sound great but you know what

00:13:45   you're 50 year old radios probably still

00:13:47   working fine

00:13:48   the at least one window on a car would

00:13:50   usually break it was still be heavy but

00:13:52   now you didn't have a window that worked

00:13:54   yeah you know all that kind of stuff

00:13:55   used to just like even to this day like

00:13:57   our last car we had had manual windows

00:13:59   we had the least costly version of our

00:14:02   particular model of car that was

00:14:03   available and it was fine

00:14:05   yeah it was totally fine but then you

00:14:07   get into your house and their stuff but

00:14:09   there's a trick it's keeped I don't like

00:14:12   the stuff where it's cute to turn a

00:14:14   light on or off

00:14:15   you don't have a you don't have a nest I

00:14:17   don't have a nest my house is too old

00:14:19   for nest i do have a lot of smart lights

00:14:20   i won't take you down this particular k

00:14:22   hole but IMA heartlight yeah we could

00:14:24   get into it

00:14:25   we're just just like let's not go all

00:14:27   the way down the k-hole let's just dip

00:14:29   into the cable duct tape a little

00:14:31   alright what is a smart like I just want

00:14:33   to get I want to get one thing out cuz

00:14:34   it's on my mind I'm gonna get because

00:14:35   you have two bits of related stuff here

00:14:39   that are totally unrelated and yet

00:14:40   completely related imma let you finish

00:14:42   thank you thank you up your Kanye in

00:14:45   that case that was economy around we

00:14:48   struggle with mornings sometimes

00:14:52   oh yes I don't think we are unique in

00:14:55   this regard we struggled with a

00:14:57   multivariate struggle with mornings

00:14:59   there are many small things about

00:15:01   mornings they're difficult the primary

00:15:03   driver of a morning being tough is that

00:15:06   we have a kid who has to be at school at

00:15:09   a certain time and ideally she will have

00:15:13   food with her

00:15:14   ok for lunch she has to have homework in

00:15:18   the backpack

00:15:19   she has to not have like hermione

00:15:21   granger hair like she's got like look

00:15:23   presentable she's got to be clean

00:15:25   she has to have brush teeth and I'm

00:15:27   sorry I'm gonna bring it up again she's

00:15:28   got it she's got your shoes

00:15:30   there's a lot to do it sounds like well

00:15:33   you know an hour she like it would be

00:15:35   enough time but I don't know if you

00:15:36   struggle with this shoot socks and shoes

00:15:38   are where it all falls apart

00:15:40   ok I feel like again I I'm okay I'm just

00:15:44   gonna say this i really feel like the

00:15:46   whole thing needed to move to earlier

00:15:48   all adjustments we need to add 20 to 30

00:15:51   minutes in front of everything because

00:15:53   as a retired project manager I'm sure to

00:15:56   tell you there are many things that are

00:15:57   not being accounted for and there are

00:15:59   enough things that aren't accounted for

00:16:00   that by the time you get the shoes and

00:16:02   socks everyone's crying so you're saying

00:16:04   you need to wake up a half hour earlier

00:16:06   lots we've done we've got a whole thing

00:16:07   this is relates to to your light switch

00:16:09   problem and then I'm about to make an

00:16:11   analogy about my child being like a

00:16:12   theater lighting light switch but also

00:16:13   to do is sleep because i started going

00:16:15   to bed earlier in order to get up

00:16:17   earlier in order to be more helpful in

00:16:19   the morning and to not just be the

00:16:21   person assistant whatever you know you

00:16:22   guys should really do this earlier like

00:16:23   how much you fucking help out so I'm

00:16:25   trying to help out more

00:16:26   earlier to cascading chain and I feel

00:16:29   like I'm gonna see I'm the only one that

00:16:30   understands this but i feel like if i

00:16:32   have this knowledge in my bones in a way

00:16:34   that my daughter does not which is that

00:16:37   like if you don't go to bed earlier if

00:16:39   you keep reading Lemony Snicket until

00:16:41   ten o'clock like god bless you how do

00:16:43   you tell you to stop reading

00:16:44   I mean how do you tell you to stop

00:16:46   reading Lemony Snicket and you know yeah

00:16:48   absolutely it's you know it that's my

00:16:52   dream my I you know I'm I I wouldn't get

00:16:56   fuck all with how it turned out if she's

00:16:57   healthy great if she learns to like

00:17:00   music and likes reading i'm done i'm

00:17:02   ready to retire but that's all i care

00:17:04   about is wanting to read it's like a one

00:17:05   of my very few like super selfish things

00:17:07   is I hope my kid likes to read and

00:17:09   that's all she likes to do is read which

00:17:11   is great so you know I don't be that guy

00:17:12   but if you go to bed at ten and you're

00:17:15   gonna be getting up at six anymore

00:17:16   because you're a kid and you need more

00:17:18   sleep and it means you get up and you're

00:17:19   tired and now the toast is getting

00:17:20   pushed out later the toast pushes out

00:17:22   the reading because she's got read in

00:17:24   the morning before school she pushes

00:17:25   that out and we're pushing pushing

00:17:27   pushing pushing said

00:17:28   these four minutes until like we're at

00:17:30   the drop-dead leave the house time and

00:17:32   that's when the hair brushing and

00:17:33   toothbrush because now comes the tears

00:17:35   and as I said to her today I've been

00:17:37   cleverly put clock on her

00:17:38   I'm better we gave her a watch i

00:17:40   purchased three new clocks for the house

00:17:42   because it's going to be all about

00:17:43   clocks you know i'm i'm turning into

00:17:46   kind of a martinet about this clocks and

00:17:48   watches clocks and watches and so I said

00:17:51   to her I says I say look you know it's

00:17:53   mom and I are here to be your helpful

00:17:55   assistance but a point you need to

00:17:57   become more cognizant about how the time

00:17:59   works

00:18:00   yeah it sounds like the the mornings in

00:18:01   your house we're going to be like the

00:18:02   beginning of a pink floyd song and not

00:18:04   now look at it and now i'm going crazy

00:18:06   person because i'm running around going

00:18:08   okay guess what time it is right now

00:18:10   because I on 705 lat 712 means you need

00:18:14   to be out the door with shoes and socks

00:18:17   on

00:18:17   you know in this many minutes yeah

00:18:19   you're seven minutes behind already so

00:18:20   i'm already a crazy person on the other

00:18:22   one thing is over and it's up against is

00:18:24   728 worried about 720 more here come

00:18:27   more tears and so we had a we had a so

00:18:31   we've recently implemented something new

00:18:32   which is everybody tries to go to bed

00:18:34   earlier everybody gets up earlier dad's

00:18:36   helping more in the morning which I'm

00:18:37   happy to do I mean happy to do but which

00:18:39   I think it's important to do but now

00:18:42   we've gotten into this thing where like

00:18:45   now I'm doing post mortem suppose morta

00:18:47   with her oh wow you're you're talking

00:18:49   about talking about it after school now

00:18:51   oh no this is like this is like this is

00:18:53   like what went wrong with the with the

00:18:54   mercury launch like everything ok with

00:18:57   going to school or do you do it like we

00:18:59   have like eight hours later the insane

00:19:01   part is like you know we she has friends

00:19:03   who live outside of town that like it

00:19:08   takes them 20 25 minutes without saying

00:19:11   too much i will just say that we are

00:19:12   very close to our daughter school we can

00:19:14   walk there at a pace that will not have

00:19:16   us out of breath in less than 10 minutes

00:19:18   it's manic there's no reason to ever be

00:19:20   late for school but because it takes so

00:19:22   little time to walk to school you can

00:19:24   guess what happens

00:19:24   sure you push it to the limit you get a

00:19:26   little loosey-goosey ok so here's me

00:19:29   this morning this is my mercury mercury

00:19:31   of this morning with my daughter I said

00:19:33   you know what we didn't count for I said

00:19:35   we didn't account for socks and that's

00:19:37   how we lost yesterday we were out at

00:19:39   seven-thirty to it

00:19:40   730 now everything is the Sox the

00:19:43   difference between seven-thirty and 732

00:19:46   is all the difference in the world did

00:19:48   you get that first but you didn't get

00:19:50   out and we got the new program we're not

00:19:52   getting out for not out at seven-thirty

00:19:53   we have failed mercury is down

00:19:55   yeah okay this is the you know we went

00:19:57   and saw the hidden figures we both love

00:19:59   this movie so you know we're talking a

00:20:01   lot about john kennedy and astronauts

00:20:02   and stuff and anyway everything every

00:20:06   family should talk about that especially

00:20:07   in the morning so today I felt kind of

00:20:10   predict this morning but I was really

00:20:12   like i was i was really heavy on the

00:20:13   clock she's got a new watch on showing

00:20:15   how the lightworks can get very excited

00:20:17   to wear watch the school and and so you

00:20:20   know i'm walking around in my underpants

00:20:21   yeah but how many minutes after seven if

00:20:25   it so on the one hand i'm really tired

00:20:28   cuz i got five hours of sleep because

00:20:30   the new program is slow to launch but

00:20:32   here's the other thing about your lights

00:20:33   which is that the difference between a

00:20:37   traditional light switch and what you

00:20:39   had in your house is the difference

00:20:41   between your life before a child and

00:20:43   your life with a child it used to be you

00:20:45   could say for no particular reason i

00:20:48   feel it's it's 1152 p.m. and i feel like

00:20:52   walking to a light post five blocks from

00:20:54   here

00:20:55   whatever that matter you won't leave the

00:20:57   house you leave the house

00:20:58   sure if you want to pour a bucket of

00:21:00   Gatorade on your head you can just go do

00:21:02   that right now belong you just you just

00:21:04   you grab your keys in your wallet you

00:21:06   may be put on some pants bathrobe you

00:21:09   walk out and you just go and you you're

00:21:12   going to come anytime you feel like it

00:21:13   you just you just move around and then

00:21:16   you get to be like John's light switch

00:21:18   where it's like I honestly don't know I

00:21:21   cannot tell you within Swiss certainty i

00:21:25   can tell you within certainty more than

00:21:27   plus or minus 20 minutes when we will be

00:21:29   able to do anything because there are so

00:21:31   many unknown factors and when you're

00:21:32   running your goddamn finger along that

00:21:34   lady light switch and try to make it

00:21:35   light up

00:21:36   same thing the same feeling in this case

00:21:38   we didn't account for socks

00:21:40   you should not have to deliberate about

00:21:42   how long it will take for your lights to

00:21:43   come on I've accepted my happy lot in

00:21:45   life is that I have to account for socks

00:21:47   and minutes but you do kinda pine for

00:21:51   the days when you could just walk to a

00:21:52   light post

00:21:52   well I have my way of dealing with this

00:21:59   Merlin is a very simple hack that i've

00:22:01   been using my whole life which is that

00:22:02   every clock in my house is 11 minutes

00:22:04   fast but who who was that Vince Lombardi

00:22:07   did that right already famously set all

00:22:11   of his clocks and watches 15 minutes

00:22:13   fast

00:22:14   well 15 minutes is too easy because you

00:22:16   used to be a prime number

00:22:18   yeah you get a job at 15 minutes but 11

00:22:20   minutes you forget that it's there 11

00:22:23   minutes is just this like number that's

00:22:26   very hard for people to throw to just be

00:22:30   like oh it's burp

00:22:32   oh you know roundup you round up way too

00:22:34   easy yeah so a and you know and I change

00:22:39   the amount that the clocks are off at

00:22:41   this was going to be my hack on your

00:22:43   hack yeah the way that really work is

00:22:45   they're all fast but they're all fast a

00:22:46   little different yeah and some sometimes

00:22:48   at seven sometimes it's 12 and if you

00:22:51   don't have mpr on you're not going to

00:22:52   know when they're wrong

00:22:54   that's right you and your screws the

00:22:55   whole thing out we'll see and I don't

00:22:56   have a PR hmm and so everybody's just

00:22:59   looking at clocks and I'm and I just I

00:23:02   just take the clock at its word and

00:23:04   generally were in the car driving and i

00:23:08   passed some some clock that a business

00:23:12   has thoughtfully put up starts visible

00:23:14   from the freeway

00:23:16   yeah I'm like whoa we are plenty of

00:23:19   times but i feel myself every morning

00:23:21   it's like every morning I go Oh check it

00:23:24   out again I never I never remember it

00:23:28   because I intentionally don't remember

00:23:30   it but if she's wearing a watch to

00:23:32   school now

00:23:35   now you've given her some kind of like

00:23:38   connection that she can take into the

00:23:40   world right watch can't be wrong but

00:23:42   she's going to be measuring it against

00:23:44   the school of washer

00:23:46   yeah that's true she's not going to sit

00:23:48   there in the house and be like oh I

00:23:49   believe the house clocks she's gonna go

00:23:52   rain watch

00:23:53   oh there's one thing about this watch

00:23:54   though oh my god this is not a precision

00:23:56   timepieces John this is something I got

00:23:57   off amazon for thirteen dollars and you

00:23:59   know it's amazing what kind of watching

00:24:01   it for thirteen dollars for a kid today

00:24:02   but there is first of all like all

00:24:06   most all digital that's an analog and

00:24:09   digital watch

00:24:10   it's got like it's a chronograph like

00:24:12   many of these you get the modal buttons

00:24:14   for setting things and there's many

00:24:16   things to set you ready for this though

00:24:17   I'm not even like a super OCD guy but

00:24:19   this this is already driving both of us

00:24:21   nuts like one hour and having this watch

00:24:23   this is driving her nuts which is the

00:24:25   the you set the time on the analog and

00:24:30   the digital separately so gentle and

00:24:36   neither of them is necessarily correct

00:24:37   your they're both manually set so you

00:24:40   get the watch and take out the box you

00:24:41   put it on you say okay what time is it

00:24:42   718 okay well you set the the analog 2

00:24:45   718 well and then you gotta go and set

00:24:47   the digital by the time you set the

00:24:49   digital the 718 its already seven

00:24:51   nineteen and then sweep second hand is

00:24:53   not matching up with the second you

00:24:55   gotta do this separately so the whole

00:24:56   time she points out this morning the

00:24:58   second hands aren't the same on these

00:24:59   and I don't know what to say

00:25:00   I think it's a $13 chronograph it's not

00:25:02   it's not it's not a it's not a Rolex but

00:25:07   that would drive me nuts all day at

00:25:08   school I'd be looking at the second hand

00:25:09   on the clock

00:25:10   the second-hand sweep second hand on the

00:25:11   watch I be looking at the digital

00:25:13   seconds and I'd be thinking what fresh

00:25:15   hell is this

00:25:16   yeah what time is it really John there's

00:25:19   a clock that i bought for one of the

00:25:22   rooms of the house that i liked the look

00:25:25   of it you know it looked like one of

00:25:27   those old-fashioned diner clocks I would

00:25:30   kill for that has been banned from our

00:25:31   house and I want one so much why is it

00:25:34   ain't tex oh my goodness the aesthetics

00:25:37   are unbeautiful I have so much to say

00:25:39   about the see this is one last thing

00:25:42   about this because this is this is only

00:25:45   for us notice must never get back to my

00:25:47   house

00:25:47   okay i have pointed out to my partner

00:25:50   that we need to have a clock in the area

00:25:54   where the drama begins having clocks in

00:25:58   other places has not been working there

00:26:00   needs to be a clock in our face at the

00:26:02   place where the tears happen now my

00:26:04   preference for that would be to get a

00:26:05   diner clock like an old-school kitchen

00:26:08   clock a school clock you put it here by

00:26:10   the pictures in the hallway but you know

00:26:12   what i understand that is not

00:26:13   aesthetically pleasing

00:26:15   I would i want the largest conceivable

00:26:16   clock that will fit in that area

00:26:18   and I wanted to hang over my daughter

00:26:21   like the dark mark III want this to be

00:26:24   something she cannot avoid seeing now

00:26:26   I'm capitulating buying three about

00:26:28   three different clocks from this one and

00:26:30   I'm gonna let my wife pick which one she

00:26:31   thinks is his least odious but she she

00:26:34   has strong opinions about the about the

00:26:37   vibe that a clock in parts to a room

00:26:42   yeah that she's right if we put it next

00:26:45   to all the framed pictures of people

00:26:47   it's gonna look weird but always got

00:26:49   lots of pictures of the family like it's

00:26:51   a nice little area that's very homey and

00:26:53   I'm trying to turn it into like a

00:26:54   commissary or something by putting a

00:26:56   giant clock on the wall and I get why

00:26:58   she doesn't want to do that when I just

00:27:00   feel like I feel like we need something

00:27:02   we need a very large very intimidating

00:27:04   tik-tok actually literally makes the

00:27:07   noise tick tock clock

00:27:09   well here's what's crazy about this one

00:27:10   that i bought yeah i bought it i brought

00:27:13   it home and I I and I knew when I got it

00:27:16   that it was not I could go down to the

00:27:18   salvage yard and find some clock from an

00:27:21   old school and and should have done but

00:27:26   I was at some you know is that some

00:27:28   store and I saw this thing and I'm

00:27:31   excuse me and it was not expensive and i

00:27:35   said yeah you know throw a couple of

00:27:37   dollars at this great brought it home

00:27:40   and there was a sin it's battery-powered

00:27:43   and there was a separate battery for the

00:27:49   little hand

00:27:50   whoa that was like very very troubling

00:27:55   to me

00:27:56   well you absolutely right is a lot of

00:27:58   reasons that bothers me

00:27:59   well here's the number one reason the

00:28:01   only reason really is that the operation

00:28:04   of the little hand does not bear on my

00:28:09   keeping God you have two clocks and

00:28:11   neither of them may be right

00:28:13   so that's a recipe for madness yeah the

00:28:16   little hand is just he's been around

00:28:18   these artisans are some seconds mostly

00:28:21   yeah this is what second look like but

00:28:24   the clock itself is like tick tick like

00:28:28   it's just on its own and I'm and I so

00:28:30   every time I look at the clock I'm like

00:28:31   he's so weird

00:28:33   mmm this is you are living a lie clock

00:28:35   and but I'm kind of you know i like them

00:28:40   like what it does to the room it really

00:28:42   ties the room together you able to put

00:28:44   it out of your mind that did you have to

00:28:45   clock in a clock because the clock is in

00:28:48   an adjacent space it's not a regular

00:28:52   space i don't i don't refer to this

00:28:55   clock the clock is visible from the

00:28:59   guest bed so it's really a o'clock for

00:29:03   the benefit of guests and i'm already

00:29:06   fucking with them because it's 11

00:29:07   minutes fast so the second is sort of

00:29:11   rounding on a second and it's just like

00:29:13   if you want to if you're taking your own

00:29:15   blood pressure like it is keeping the

00:29:19   second would be pretty funny if you

00:29:22   changed it like not to wear a minute is

00:29:24   90 seconds but you know be great if you

00:29:26   change it to wear a minute was like 47

00:29:28   so when that wouldn't that make you feel

00:29:31   like a crazy person

00:29:32   yeah that's it is running faster than it

00:29:35   should

00:29:36   but it wasn't affecting the time and

00:29:39   what I imagine is that you're lying

00:29:41   there in bed and if you're if you like I

00:29:43   would be the type of person that would

00:29:47   lay in bed and watch the little head go

00:29:49   around em but then the big hand ticks

00:29:54   off another minute but the little hand

00:29:57   is at like 40 seconds

00:29:58   oh my god and be like what what what

00:30:01   whoa what just happened

00:30:03   oh my god and then it did it repeatedly

00:30:06   told her you would yeah you really doubt

00:30:09   you talk about gaslighting that's like a

00:30:11   black mirrors a choice

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00:32:56   so so and I have you know I have the

00:32:59   clocks on the stove and the clocks on

00:33:01   the microwave and those two because

00:33:03   they're right next to each other i'll

00:33:05   set the time on one and then I will sit

00:33:08   with my finger poised over the other

00:33:10   it'sit's in this this is an art because

00:33:12   i do not want them to be even four

00:33:15   seconds separated and I wait I wait I

00:33:19   swim that whole minute watching this pot

00:33:21   boil

00:33:21   uh-huh and then but I you know I try and

00:33:24   just nail it with the other one because

00:33:26   i want those things to be and that's

00:33:29   irrelevant and I don't want anything I

00:33:31   think the fact that everybody has and I

00:33:35   mostly exactly correct clock on their

00:33:39   phone

00:33:40   yeah it's that is interesting to me

00:33:42   because I mean that is not going to be

00:33:44   fair that's canonical source of time I

00:33:45   give you know what time it is look at

00:33:47   your phone because your phone is

00:33:48   actually you know first of all it's a

00:33:50   really good time piece like better than

00:33:51   most of us could afford on our wrists I

00:33:53   imagine and it is you know getting the

00:33:55   weather the nuclear time update but i

00:33:57   but i don't think people think about

00:33:59   this or sweat this stuff as much as our

00:34:02   generation did I think about the clocks

00:34:04   we had in my elementary school and man I

00:34:07   mean the clocks in our school they had a

00:34:10   sweep second hand and first of all they

00:34:14   were all every clock in the school which

00:34:16   can be set remotely every clock in the

00:34:18   school was always egg exactly right

00:34:22   yeah and what if it was a bell that rang

00:34:25   at 1pm it did not start to ring until

00:34:30   the clock turned to one o'clock and it

00:34:32   did not turn to one o'clock until the

00:34:34   second hand shop which one like this

00:34:36   talk and talk

00:34:38   haha

00:34:39   talk until that went from 59

00:34:43   212like it was not every single clock

00:34:46   was exactly

00:34:47   flawlessly perfect all the time in every

00:34:50   room all the time and if it wasn't it

00:34:52   would have been really troubling do you

00:34:53   remember the last day of eighth grade

00:34:55   with was your was your junior high

00:35:00   through ninth grader was it did end at

00:35:02   80 so seven eight nine ten to twelve oh

00:35:06   my god I don't even know what it's like

00:35:08   to be one of us junior high and then you

00:35:10   have middle school 628 no we didn't have

00:35:14   middle school junior high was 78 that's

00:35:18   so strange sixth grade was the last

00:35:21   grade of elementary spanish is he should

00:35:24   be as Shannon 78 @ men 9th grade was

00:35:28   freshman in high school as it should be

00:35:30   it's certainly the way Europe makes you

00:35:32   put your dog in a kennel for like a year

00:35:35   alright what is see also cutting trail

00:35:37   like it really that's the two years

00:35:38   that's a containment facility it really

00:35:40   is it really is you are because when

00:35:42   your sixth grader you're like nah gah

00:35:45   athl pow pow

00:35:48   hi you know when the and write about

00:35:50   sixth-graders when the girls start to

00:35:52   say like um I do you want to go with me

00:35:56   who's going with who

00:35:57   yeah oh he's going with her all the

00:36:00   goings going to say that going with

00:36:02   years and I was like damn her tell you

00:36:05   the first time a girl said the girl came

00:36:08   up to me because a lot of it isn't do

00:36:12   you want to go with me

00:36:13   it is do you want to go with her

00:36:17   oh yeah you get proxies yeah i'm here as

00:36:19   an intermediary who and it was like a

00:36:21   small group of girls that approached me

00:36:23   on the playground and said let's call

00:36:27   her Stacey because that's a name from my

00:36:29   nice interactions risk name but do you

00:36:33   want to go out do you want to go with

00:36:34   stealing girls with a sec do you want to

00:36:36   go with Stacy and I was such a child I

00:36:38   was like go where and they wrote the

00:36:42   collectively rolled their eyes and I

00:36:44   yeah just sighed at me and I was like

00:36:47   what what what have I done what did i do

00:36:49   and even by saying that dumb thing I had

00:36:52   sort of like blown my chances with

00:36:54   Stacey no but that's not all you can out

00:36:58   of yourself as a look because I was like

00:37:01   you know I stopped for one second

00:37:03   playing like time temp travelers like

00:37:06   time traveler space ninja like what go

00:37:10   with the red why would I want to go with

00:37:11   her but that was also the year that i

00:37:16   sat at the Arctic roadrunner

00:37:19   oh my god this was the worst moment of

00:37:20   my life I so we were doing some kind of

00:37:23   theater show and it was me and another

00:37:27   friend of mine and Lori basler alright

00:37:32   some other species again and the four of

00:37:35   us went to the Arctic Road Runner which

00:37:38   was the hamburger place that was around

00:37:40   the corner from my elementary school

00:37:42   which was northstar elementary that

00:37:45   you'll notice you'll begin to pick up a

00:37:47   theme that everything in Alaska is named

00:37:49   after Alaska so get northstar

00:37:52   Elementary's telling Los Angeles that's

00:37:54   right yeah it's except yeah in Los

00:37:58   Angeles every every name of everything

00:38:00   is something you've already heard a

00:38:01   thousand times from the movies

00:38:03   yeah okay like whoa melrose I know what

00:38:05   that is

00:38:06   no you don't you just know it from a TV

00:38:08   show but the Arctic roadrunner used to

00:38:12   only have one location which was on

00:38:14   Arctic Boulevard and then they had

00:38:17   another location but I thought I found

00:38:18   that second location to be non-canonical

00:38:20   ok but I went to the Arctic roadrunner

00:38:23   with my friend and Lori basler and her

00:38:27   friend and this was a very unusual

00:38:28   situation we were off campus during

00:38:32   school getting a hamburger that we were

00:38:35   paying for with our own money

00:38:36   it was like a big deal

00:38:41   it felt like a scene from Greece and we

00:38:43   and I got my hamburger first

00:38:46   and I went over to the booze and it's an

00:38:49   Arctic rotor is a hamburger joint from

00:38:51   the fifties and it looks like the

00:38:53   nineteen fifties I walked over and

00:38:56   they're here was the booth

00:39:00   and I said oh shit what do i do if i sit

00:39:06   on one side I won't see what I want is

00:39:09   Lori bachelor sit next to me but I'm

00:39:15   gonna sit on one side and then tell my

00:39:17   friend to sit next to me and or I'm

00:39:21   gonna tell my friend to sit across and

00:39:23   then that and I just I wasn't sure

00:39:25   exactly what to do and i sat down in a

00:39:28   booth and my friend sat across from me

00:39:30   and I was like okay let's run through

00:39:32   scenarios you're doing like between

00:39:33   chess

00:39:34   yeah i'm just like how is this gonna

00:39:35   play out and then Lori and her friend

00:39:38   came and sat in a separate booth

00:39:39   together see and I was like what no

00:39:43   that's not

00:39:44   we're all together with all special

00:39:47   arrangements the screws up my right now

00:39:50   you can't go on a separate car

00:39:52   Tom can you get me off the Sally and so

00:39:59   so it was like the whole thing was

00:40:02   screwed up and I I mean the only worse

00:40:05   scenario would have been that Lori sat

00:40:06   next to my friend and her prince that

00:40:08   next to me and that's not what happened

00:40:10   so it ended up remaining neutral but boy

00:40:14   there was a lot of tension there and

00:40:16   that is sixth grade to me by the time

00:40:19   seventh-grade rolled around people were

00:40:22   smoking cigarettes and and getting drunk

00:40:25   before school

00:40:26   nacho cheese oh my god this is such as

00:40:28   such a narrow aperture yeah that's

00:40:30   Alaska but the last day of eighth grade

00:40:34   I remember sitting in class and spring

00:40:36   in Alaska is one of the great seasons of

00:40:39   the world it's the season of the witch

00:40:43   alright because spring is just like it

00:40:47   winter is so awful and breakup is so

00:40:50   awful that when full spring arrives

00:40:55   everything blooms it's beautiful out you

00:40:58   know the by June this

00:41:01   the sun is up in the sky for a long time

00:41:04   during the day like it's like Sun Goes

00:41:07   Down it ten you know it's it's wonderful

00:41:10   and you're still trapped in school it's

00:41:12   in

00:41:12   it's just crazy making the last day of

00:41:16   great i still remember watching that

00:41:18   little hand

00:41:19   tick-tick-tick as it went around and and

00:41:24   you know here it comes like it's where

00:41:28   one minute out and just watching the

00:41:30   teachers to like well summer blah i want

00:41:34   you to read this and then just pick and

00:41:38   that it hit that Bell and it was like

00:41:41   the the ceiling lifted off the world you

00:41:45   know I because i was done well done with

00:41:48   junior high

00:41:49   in addition what you know I was out of

00:41:51   this nightmare and I was basically

00:41:53   headed to college which was ninth grade

00:41:56   which I you know which everyone all

00:42:00   through junior high is preparing you for

00:42:02   ninth grade like well you know and I

00:42:03   don't feel like it anymore

00:42:05   that's right when you get over their

00:42:06   high school like look out you can't

00:42:08   can't keep playing around with food and

00:42:11   in it you know i began what would

00:42:14   effectively be the last true summer of

00:42:17   my childhood and it was all staring at

00:42:20   that you that clock that represented the

00:42:23   uniformity of school the same clock that

00:42:25   had been in every classroom from the

00:42:28   time I was in kindergarten

00:42:30   just watching this this famous black

00:42:32   clock to get down o whenever I whenever

00:42:36   I need to you know whenever I'm doing a

00:42:38   big-budget hollywood film and they say

00:42:41   can you cry

00:42:43   mhm I just put myself in that in that

00:42:46   situation culture sense a sense memory

00:42:49   yep yep just stick it down my class used

00:42:53   to be so important

00:42:55   I don't even know if they do kids do

00:42:58   they even have a last day of school

00:42:59   already like to get into sliding scale

00:43:02   it's just optional or something

00:43:04   everything's a mess now I mean

00:43:06   everything's a mess there's there's no

00:43:08   there's nothing to him or anybody

00:43:10   anymore that the times change its

00:43:13   strange times what you remember this

00:43:14   do you remember so it sounds like your

00:43:16   clocks were your big black clock was as

00:43:17   tough and solid is ours to remember the

00:43:20   black as yours

00:43:21   but do you remember on the Friday the

00:43:25   Friday in fall before the friday before

00:43:29   the time change right before school let

00:43:31   out this amazing moment

00:43:33   oh oh my god i just try stills I think I

00:43:36   so clearly remember them because these

00:43:37   clocks I just I can't say it enough

00:43:39   these clocks run impeachable oh you're

00:43:41   talking about when they moved remotely

00:43:42   one hour at every there was a there was

00:43:45   a weird moment when suddenly the clock

00:43:48   that was never wrong

00:43:50   worcester and then suddenly the little

00:43:54   hand and the big hand would start moving

00:43:56   backwards

00:43:57   oh I do remember and what would happen

00:43:59   it would take less than a minute it was

00:44:00   like yeah but it was such a strange it

00:44:06   was like it would be like somebody

00:44:07   resetting the sky it was so it was such

00:44:09   a weird moment and I mean maybe I'm

00:44:12   thinking about this too much maybe I

00:44:13   think about clocks too much i think i

00:44:15   think becoming aware of time all let me

00:44:17   say this i am Amy very disorganized and

00:44:20   very confused person but there's a

00:44:22   couple things in my life that may make

00:44:25   my life more sensible and made me less

00:44:27   stressed out i can tell you two things

00:44:28   that have completely changed my game one

00:44:31   is always putting my wallet and keys all

00:44:33   my pocket things i always put all my

00:44:34   pocket things in the same place every

00:44:37   day all the time they never go anywhere

00:44:38   but that one spot game-changer what is

00:44:41   that spot

00:44:41   ah what is mine or what's called 0 minus

00:44:45   minus a white like a good dish it's sort

00:44:48   of like it's costing like it like a

00:44:49   plate and a bowl and probably from like

00:44:52   an ikea but it's like a flat it's

00:44:55   probably can tell you it's about this

00:44:57   with of an apple pencil swear it's a

00:44:59   flat circle again eight-by-eight

00:45:01   McConaughey disk and that's where it

00:45:04   goes ok so that's one and talking about

00:45:06   you you just didn't have a name oh I i

00:45:09   don't know i called the dish dish but

00:45:12   like okay that's just 11 of one of those

00:45:13   one of the things that has been a change

00:45:14   for in and the thing is it's like it's

00:45:16   like when you stop smoking and suddenly

00:45:18   can understand how anybody ever smoked

00:45:19   and like now I like the idea that your

00:45:22   keys for example could be anywhere in

00:45:26   the entire fucking universe then the

00:45:28   white dish

00:45:29   yeah the dish and the in the idea that

00:45:31   your wallet could be

00:45:33   we're but either literally in your

00:45:34   pocket or hand while you're using it or

00:45:36   in the dish it never goes anywhere else

00:45:38   I never put it anywhere else and that

00:45:40   has been my bulwark against madness

00:45:43   well now let me see this yes II all

00:45:46   those things that go in the dish are all

00:45:48   outside the house implements so again

00:45:53   let you know that will let put

00:45:55   differently apart from my phone which

00:45:57   may be in my pocket are being charged

00:45:59   it's all the stuff that I would never in

00:46:01   a million years leave the house without

00:46:02   right but they're not things that you

00:46:04   use in the house for if you do you have

00:46:08   to go to the white dish get your credit

00:46:10   card out yet makes the transaction you

00:46:12   put it back in the white dish

00:46:14   yeah exactly like you know unless

00:46:15   somebody has borrowed my two keys on a

00:46:18   ring to use as fulcrum for some kind of

00:46:20   a thing to make Wolverine pull out of

00:46:22   the Barbie house mentioning any names

00:46:23   know the keys are always there

00:46:27   ok so that's that's the number-one the

00:46:28   dish and number two is this came much

00:46:32   much much later was learning to realize

00:46:35   accept and been anything like that to

00:46:40   realize how this is used for me let me

00:46:43   learn to real well lots of people can

00:46:44   change before they realize what they're

00:46:46   trying to change and not always fuck up

00:46:47   because they never became aware of what

00:46:49   the thing is it's actually wrong

00:46:50   yeah they're trying to realize before

00:46:51   then that was my relationship with time

00:46:53   and like it you know honestly it is it

00:46:56   took like five years at a time for me to

00:46:59   make a 10-percent increasing realization

00:47:01   about how fucked up my sense of time was

00:47:03   it wasn't I mean it should have been

00:47:05   there should have been a shaman lon

00:47:06   thing all the time of me going like wow

00:47:08   it's really weird that I never turned

00:47:10   anything in on time

00:47:11   it's really weird that I am late for

00:47:13   every single thing that I do it never

00:47:15   occurred to me that maybe time was the

00:47:16   one that was right and I was one of

00:47:18   those little screwy I think it really

00:47:19   wasn't until college were like there are

00:47:21   consequences for you know turning things

00:47:22   in late or give a like for every

00:47:24   workshop alone huh

00:47:26   come along no no me and Sam Ilan but

00:47:29   without I'm sure well the second thing

00:47:31   the second thing was accepting that like

00:47:36   a clock

00:47:37   let's say let's say you've got a clock

00:47:38   that for whatever reason is consistently

00:47:40   20 minutes wrong it seems like you could

00:47:41   basically fix that what i learned to

00:47:42   realize is like idea

00:47:44   realign my sense of how long it takes to

00:47:45   do fucking everything and I have to and

00:47:48   then when I eventually did become a

00:47:49   project manager it was even worse

00:47:51   because everything is perfectly planned

00:47:53   still goes wrong when you're a project

00:47:55   manager you get to like be part of the

00:47:58   process of deciding how long things take

00:47:59   but you don't have that much actual

00:48:01   control about how long it actually does

00:48:03   take and so what do you do well in my

00:48:05   case I learned to always add twenty

00:48:07   percent to every aspect of every project

00:48:10   and maybe sometimes that would be within

00:48:12   the range of okay but that's the

00:48:14   number-one the dish and number two the

00:48:15   time and so as somebody whose life has

00:48:18   benefited as someone who's sanity has

00:48:21   improved by addressing realizing

00:48:24   addressing those things it is so hard

00:48:27   for me

00:48:28   we have been accounted for socks and now

00:48:30   it's 732 and like we should never be in

00:48:32   this position and I realized why I

00:48:34   selling out of my mind I know it's just

00:48:35   that every morning I wake up knowing

00:48:37   that we're going to be late and don't

00:48:38   have that much control over it and I

00:48:40   feel like if they just took my to power

00:48:42   hacks and put them in place they being

00:48:44   my daughter right my perhaps could work

00:48:46   but yeah the post-mortem this morning we

00:48:48   talked about it which we talked about we

00:48:49   had a mercury post-mortem was like you

00:48:51   know what we didn't account for socks

00:48:52   and then I had to explain the time thing

00:48:55   by quoting john kennedy in the film

00:48:57   hidden figures and i had to say we go to

00:48:59   the moon we choose to go to the moon not

00:49:01   because it is easy but because it is

00:49:03   hard

00:49:03   oh yes i would say difficult but i think

00:49:05   he said hard but I that's the thing and

00:49:07   that's the thing with this and this is

00:49:08   why if it's 732 we failed mercury is

00:49:12   down my shiraki fucking dead for all we

00:49:14   know it's it's it's you know it's

00:49:17   calibrated with in centimeters

00:49:19   it's like if you see the movie hidden

00:49:20   figures no it's pretty really you don't

00:49:22   see ya i can just say he it's really i

00:49:25   thought was really good especially take

00:49:27   a kid too but like they're describing

00:49:29   like how they're going to have to nail

00:49:30   like it's one thing to get the mercury

00:49:32   like off the ground that is hard enough

00:49:35   yeah getting mercury into orbit and

00:49:37   bring it out of orbit and they had some

00:49:39   crazy analogy about you know like

00:49:40   shooting a shotgun across this many

00:49:42   football fields or something like that

00:49:43   it's not incredibly complicated to

00:49:46   thread that needle

00:49:47   oh yeah well you know i'm spending a lot

00:49:49   of time staring at the Saturn five

00:49:50   rocket yes you do

00:49:53   yeah I built the Saturn five

00:49:56   model rocket difficult budget uh well

00:50:00   shits it was three feet tall house was

00:50:04   in SDS it wasn't it was well those were

00:50:07   the motors i use I'm sorry but use it

00:50:08   but you got like a deal look at the

00:50:10   engine rocket I had 40 and collie shit

00:50:13   Sherlock

00:50:14   it was a massive massive rocket during

00:50:16   my model rockets 44 caliber of s these

00:50:19   engines it was a big big operation this

00:50:22   thing and i launched it successfully and

00:50:27   it went away

00:50:30   oh it all it went so high that I mean

00:50:36   and this was at a model rocketry event

00:50:38   where people were shooting when we were

00:50:39   in the giant field lady with with we're

00:50:42   at a job that I was spacing interesa

00:50:45   hello

00:50:46   you may know me as Saturn 5 is that your

00:50:52   handle on the BBS yeah we were we were

00:50:55   uh that but still is I have it I have it

00:50:58   on the back of my truck in stick-on

00:51:00   letter 75 channel 14

00:51:06   breaker breaker we were dying filled

00:51:10   with no trees around it we just went

00:51:13   away people were launching rockets all

00:51:15   day and when and catching them as they

00:51:18   returned on their giant parachutes this

00:51:20   saturday 5 rocket had huge parachutes it

00:51:23   went up so high that it went away

00:51:26   oh my no one could I couldn't see it

00:51:29   anymore no one could see it anymore and

00:51:30   then we couldn't we just couldn't see

00:51:32   anything

00:51:33   it's like a James Bond local situation

00:51:35   where the sky is big and you would have

00:51:38   to at some point it has two are not dark

00:51:41   but it has two curve over and come back

00:51:43   down somewhere something it seems like

00:51:46   that it has to blow its it stopped and

00:51:49   the parachute comes out and then you run

00:51:51   or you get in the car and chase it but

00:51:54   it just was gone haha and i spent a lot

00:51:57   of time on this rocket and had also like

00:51:59   a long time before launching it i

00:52:01   completed a long time before launching

00:52:03   it and had just had it right

00:52:04   found and just would go look at it and

00:52:07   caress it tonight scratchbuilt many

00:52:09   parts for it and had laborious Lee made

00:52:11   it look like a Saturn 5 I mean I mean

00:52:14   obviously made out of cardboard but it

00:52:15   was a it was something that mattered a

00:52:18   lot to me and it just went away i still

00:52:20   wonder what happened it was a it was

00:52:23   truly a puzzle and the adults agreed

00:52:26   that it was a puzzle and everyone was

00:52:27   extremely impressed by it it went off

00:52:30   like a rocket literally and made a huge

00:52:35   noise and what it was just tore ass into

00:52:38   the sky and it was a thrilling moment

00:52:43   and then it kept going which was also

00:52:45   thrilling and then it just kept going

00:52:46   and it was like what am i what

00:52:50   what now I expected to realize that the

00:52:52   universe telling you with that one haha

00:52:54   i mean i thought i would retrieve it and

00:52:56   launch it again a million times 75 and

00:53:00   it definitely like that was the moment

00:53:02   that I kind of walked away from the

00:53:04   rocket filled with my head held down and

00:53:07   people going like it's okay Charlie

00:53:09   Brown music playing yeah and you know

00:53:12   Mike I was stuck in a tree except it

00:53:13   wasn't even in a tree

00:53:15   there's no tricky it just because you

00:53:17   didn't indicate mean for ya

00:53:19   it just went up and up and up and was

00:53:20   gone all the ceiling and it wasn't even

00:53:22   a thing where that we're email you saw

00:53:25   the parachute and it floated off into

00:53:27   the next County

00:53:28   it just I don't just kept flying it went

00:53:30   all the way to have it might still be up

00:53:32   there John God wanted it gone so they're

00:53:35   short one angel is right beside or five

00:53:38   that's right little Saturday Bob and I

00:53:40   can only imagine that some kid in some

00:53:43   suburban neighborhood some faraway place

00:53:46   it was like it was like the Playboy

00:53:47   bunny coming in through the window

00:53:49   yeah haha oh my god it was like what the

00:53:52   75 just landed in my backyard

00:53:56   mmm i think they got out at seven thirty

00:53:58   one today and cool they can't get out at

00:54:01   seven thirty will get enough to leave

00:54:03   the house I see I see what you're saying

00:54:04   remember the goal of this mercury

00:54:06   mission is 730 unique notice that yeah

00:54:09   730 is we've left the house

00:54:11   it cannot have swept second to 3730 we

00:54:15   need to be out of house by seven thirty

00:54:17   actually

00:54:18   it's going to explode but you were

00:54:20   saying that 732 was already too late but

00:54:22   where does 731 well this is so yesterday

00:54:24   I took her in

00:54:25   and so I was running the project but as

00:54:27   I say that we didn't account for socks

00:54:28   now we've actually found some socks she

00:54:31   was not happy with the socks at all

00:54:33   hmm she likes to save her old socks i

00:54:36   say those socks too small with those

00:54:37   wishes has no save them put them in the

00:54:39   sewing box so now I'm putting socks in

00:54:41   the box but no no mouse in the house let

00:54:45   me active yeah when you put the socks in

00:54:48   the box what's your long-term plan does

00:54:49   she want a quilt made out of them went

00:54:51   well the socks in the Box much like the

00:54:52   clocks are things that I it's like me

00:54:55   explaining molecules that's how I feel I

00:54:57   feel like I feel like like like I i just

00:55:00   want Stickley I don't actually

00:55:01   understand molecules but I feel like I

00:55:03   feel like I'm constantly every time i

00:55:04   say it's 712 that means you have to get

00:55:08   out in eight within 18 minutes before

00:55:10   the House explodes I feel like I'm

00:55:11   saying I think i'm constantly giving her

00:55:13   trouble for what a neutron like how many

00:55:16   moles the air-conditioning ways like I

00:55:18   feel like I'm going well there's a 300

00:55:20   molecules in a bit do because again you

00:55:22   keep saying that like you just keep

00:55:24   saying these words like you keep saying

00:55:25   712 like it's meaningful understand

00:55:27   those are all numbers and I'm familiar

00:55:28   with like no this represents the passage

00:55:31   of time the big black fucking clock is

00:55:34   moving all the time I tried to explain

00:55:36   molecules to my dad every day and she

00:55:38   did that thing where she turned and

00:55:39   looked out the window

00:55:40   hmm i was like oh did I lose your

00:55:44   attention i have where we've gotten to a

00:55:46   point i don't know how I let this get to

00:55:47   this point we've got to the point where

00:55:49   basically my daughter is not paying

00:55:50   attention to me or she thinks she's in

00:55:52   trouble and that is a needle the disc

00:55:54   Mercury program is constantly having to

00:55:55   thread

00:55:56   those are the two options for example

00:55:58   attention to have the conversation about

00:56:01   the new plan the new Mercury plan that

00:56:02   we're putting in place

00:56:03   this is a conversation we had two

00:56:06   afternoons ago and it's been real mellow

00:56:08   I was okay just come here for a second

00:56:10   look what I don't know just just compare

00:56:12   minute like I'm doing dishes I just want

00:56:14   to talk to you like four seconds they're

00:56:15   not in trouble

00:56:16   I i had to say you're not in trouble and

00:56:20   then and then she's bringing her comic

00:56:22   books with her

00:56:23   god bless her she was going to read your

00:56:24   comics talk and say hey look at me

00:56:28   let's just talk from which is what and

00:56:30   said you're too you're not in trouble I

00:56:32   just want to talk to you in a way where

00:56:34   you're not picking out the next parks

00:56:35   and rec on netflix i want you to come

00:56:37   here and I want to talk to you and

00:56:39   you're not in trouble

00:56:40   I just want to talk about something she

00:56:42   says what I said look morning's

00:56:46   morning's are becoming stressful you cry

00:56:50   a lot in the morning now it's kind of

00:56:53   fake cry but like there's no crying in

00:56:55   the morning a lot now just to get to

00:56:57   this conversation and now she's scared

00:56:59   now she's put down our comic books she's

00:57:01   gotten a piece of printer paper and a

00:57:02   marker and she started to write down

00:57:04   what I'm saying oh my goodness really is

00:57:06   she doing it a genuinely or she don't

00:57:09   you know she misses your head

00:57:10   he thinks season and not the thing is I

00:57:13   think you can probably guess I'm not

00:57:14   like a and a mad angry yelling add like

00:57:16   I'm hot

00:57:17   she's pretty rarely in trouble but yet

00:57:20   she's so intimidated she brings a piece

00:57:22   of paper she starts making a longhand

00:57:25   schedule with the title how to make

00:57:27   mornings better

00:57:29   Oh number one is make a sketch but so we

00:57:34   really are cut from the same cloth the

00:57:36   same as saying something about logistics

00:57:38   use a three by five card know she was

00:57:40   picked big piece of printer paper

00:57:42   well ordinarily she would just grab one

00:57:44   of my expensive fresh notebooks right on

00:57:46   one page and then that would be how she

00:57:47   did it

00:57:48   no no it'sit's the sitting there I'll

00:57:50   probably hang on to that because I

00:57:50   thought that was fun

00:57:51   you don't have to tell you yesterday

00:57:52   they got better you know we still we

00:57:55   still wrecked my curio yeah but I and

00:57:58   then today so again i'm sitting there in

00:57:59   my underpants on the steps watching them

00:58:01   was like I mean you guys be plus four

00:58:02   days is pretty good and like be plus we

00:58:05   need p+ like we're leaving we're not

00:58:06   late like haha you're not late but

00:58:09   you're also not on time

00:58:10   oh yeah mercury crashes if you don't

00:58:13   leave here at seven by seven tell you

00:58:16   gotta get out clock dad daddy isn't

00:58:18   crazy things like crazy just organ

00:58:20   daddy's gotta play a project plan

00:58:23   yes you know my big hack that that

00:58:26   differentiates me from everyone else in

00:58:28   my family is that I make no assessment

00:58:32   of my daughter's costume

00:58:35   the only thing I ever say to her about

00:58:38   her outfit is you have good style she

00:58:42   must take it out herself entirely

00:58:45   ok so that must be fun this is the

00:58:48   problem with every everyone else in the

00:58:50   house which is that for everyone else in

00:58:52   the whole family which is that they have

00:58:54   opinions about what she's wearing

00:58:58   or do you think maybe sometimes they

00:59:00   want to like the unintentionally like

00:59:02   when a reward her for either being

00:59:04   creative or pretty high

00:59:08   I feel like at least in the case of her

00:59:10   mother her mother has is also someone

00:59:13   for whom style and fashion her mother's

00:59:18   and her mother's a dish

00:59:19   well and you know and like treats her

00:59:22   own clothes as as a you know that's the

00:59:26   thing she thinks a lot about and yeah

00:59:29   does a very good job with and so she has

00:59:34   feelings about these costumes and my mom

00:59:39   also has feelings about the costumes but

00:59:42   all based on practicality like my mouth

00:59:45   that's not gonna get the weather is this

00:59:48   or this is laid out a day for floor

00:59:50   length tulle ya later on to you know

00:59:53   later on in the day we have to do this

00:59:54   so you need this with that and those

00:59:56   shoes don't match with these and my mom

00:59:58   is very matching met

00:59:58   is very matching met

01:00:00   hmm and as you know about me style also

01:00:04   matters to me but I am a mixed pattern

01:00:06   type idea you're kind of a coaster easy

01:00:09   costa rican breakfast of a man

01:00:11   absolutely just like if you because if

01:00:14   you feel like it goes secret sparkly

01:00:17   covered with spots

01:00:18   that's right what white soft not about

01:00:20   not a problem bring it all in and take

01:00:23   the fuck you there's eggs take three

01:00:26   kinds of hashing you want white gravy

01:00:28   you want sausage gravy or brown gravy

01:00:30   what he saw

01:00:31   yes and yes and is the a.m some dishes

01:00:34   just keep them coming

01:00:36   my own my latest thing is can I don't

01:00:38   want toast or hash browns

01:00:41   can I get one pancake

01:00:42   [Music]

01:00:45   well now you have not for people have

01:00:48   not eat now with you it is a peculiar

01:00:49   joy of eating out with you you to have

01:00:52   the come to Jesus discussion with the

01:00:54   waiter

01:00:54   yeah because I I first I thought you

01:00:56   were just being a little silly but like

01:00:57   where you actually say and listen I

01:00:59   don't want to its kind of Ron Swanson

01:01:01   where you going to do something I don't

01:01:02   want not what the potatoes give me the

01:01:04   extra vegetables or something that we

01:01:07   didn't know that to hear anything with

01:01:09   you two fingers in the eyes look look

01:01:11   right here know if they're used to say

01:01:14   that if there are any potatoes brought

01:01:17   to the table i will send them back and

01:01:19   there will be a problem but don't click

01:01:21   don't get potatoes near my food

01:01:23   yeah that's right i don't want them I

01:01:25   don't you know the whole thing where i'm

01:01:26   like i love fruit instead of potatoes

01:01:28   and then they bring fruit and potato

01:01:30   you'd understand you did in stages you

01:01:33   just wrecked mercury no no bring us

01:01:35   separately bring another plate start

01:01:37   over new table potatoes are gone

01:01:39   that's right everybody up we're going to

01:01:41   start we're going we're going to come in

01:01:42   the door against Miguel ron Hubbard like

01:01:45   the master moment you begin to get but

01:01:48   but the wonderful thing is ninety-eight

01:01:50   percent of the time now when I say no

01:01:53   toast no potatoes one pancake the server

01:01:57   looks up at the sky doesn't food math

01:02:02   and and takes a takes her pan or his pen

01:02:05   and taps it to their lip and then says I

01:02:11   can do that

01:02:12   and there's a moment where it feels like

01:02:14   it feels like it feels like it might be

01:02:15   a scam

01:02:16   yeah it was like you it feels like one

01:02:18   of those like okay I want to get rid of

01:02:20   some of this money can you give me a ten

01:02:22   for two twenties or you know whatever

01:02:24   Yeah right there would be the other way

01:02:25   with ya tonight yeah exactly cannot get

01:02:28   how about no potatoes double steak I

01:02:29   want to change I want to change this

01:02:31   hundred-dollar bill ok now five twenties

01:02:33   and 410 actually let's get rid of

01:02:35   somebody and you do you have a paper

01:02:36   moon on them but they look up and they

01:02:38   think and they picture a plate of toast

01:02:42   and a picture hash browns and I think

01:02:46   they realize that one pancake is less

01:02:49   than but they also less than those so

01:02:52   it's a deal in that sense or I mean but

01:02:55   I also feel like they have to make the

01:02:57   toast right

01:02:59   oh really this becomes a kind of like

01:03:01   existential breakfast algebra

01:03:04   yeah that's right i mean there's there

01:03:06   it yes there's the food part are you

01:03:08   trying to get away with something but I

01:03:09   was like you know what

01:03:10   not a fan of making toast I would be

01:03:12   totally okay just have somebody else

01:03:13   make a pancake

01:03:14   yeah I all have to do now is ring the

01:03:16   bell and say pancake I don't have to say

01:03:20   here's the order and now I've got to go

01:03:22   make less work and easy custom thing to

01:03:25   do

01:03:26   I mean that's less work than giving you

01:03:28   a coffee refill that might be a better

01:03:29   tip also and so-and-so ninety percent of

01:03:33   the time they're like I can do that two

01:03:34   percent of the time they say that's

01:03:36   going to cost you a dollar which is fine

01:03:38   if a dollar i'll pay the fucking dollar

01:03:41   for a pancake

01:03:42   yeah but that but the the real twister

01:03:45   is are they going to bring that pan care

01:03:47   on a separate plate where it belongs

01:03:51   we're going to bring that pancake

01:03:52   touching said this is what happened

01:03:55   yesterday with where the potatoes would

01:03:56   have been where exactly so I was like

01:03:58   I'll have the pork cutlet with with eggs

01:04:05   and she was like done and I said and a

01:04:09   pancake no toast no potatoes a pancake

01:04:11   and she was like I can do it and then it

01:04:15   came on the same plate which isn't a

01:04:18   problem exactly except the port Cutler

01:04:22   was covered with white gravy

01:04:25   yeah i mean the pancake in that case

01:04:27   again not that much more effort putting

01:04:29   the pancake on its own on a plate would

01:04:31   be a lot more fancy well sure but if

01:04:34   you're putting syrup on a pancake you

01:04:36   know there's going to be a place in the

01:04:37   Middle where you've got syrup white

01:04:40   gravy and eggs and I was like oh I see

01:04:44   what you're saying

01:04:45   I said Emma into this i might be

01:04:48   yeah I know I I i see this is why I like

01:04:52   a monkey dish I like a separate plate

01:04:53   like a monkey i'm not i'm not even that

01:04:55   weird about food touching but one of my

01:04:56   latest technologies when we go to the

01:04:58   diner around the corner you've been to

01:04:59   my daughter always get the same thing

01:05:01   she always gets the pancakes sausage and

01:05:04   scrambled eggs she doesn't meet my new

01:05:07   thing is mushroom cheese burger with

01:05:09   side monkey dish of white sausage gravy

01:05:11   oh hello one wow so now I got I got I

01:05:15   got a mushroom cheese burger with

01:05:17   crinkle fries

01:05:18   yeah and I got a side dish of white

01:05:20   sausage gravy so now i can deploy a

01:05:23   little dollop of catch up next to the

01:05:26   fries a dollop of mayonnaise next to the

01:05:28   french fries i'm now deploying three

01:05:30   different sauces freely

01:05:32   oh my god and you're dipping fries and

01:05:34   all three and everything's going in all

01:05:36   of them and the burger and all three so

01:05:38   you know what you know what you hear

01:05:39   what you didn't hear it was me going oh

01:05:41   I put a bunch of shit on my burger no no

01:05:43   longer it can will be transmogrified

01:05:46   into anything if i want to put a french

01:05:48   fry on this but i can't i can deploy any

01:05:50   of those sauces and in that case the

01:05:52   monkey dishes the key

01:05:54   yeah we'll see i do this exact thing

01:05:55   they're doing i put ketchup on the plate

01:05:57   and dip the burger in the catcher

01:05:59   because that's the only way that should

01:06:02   be the third thought technology you get

01:06:03   a dish you think about time and they

01:06:06   deploy sauces tactical sauce but then i

01:06:09   asked for a couple o jus oh god I gotta

01:06:12   start doing that and there's yeah they

01:06:14   got a French Dip I don't want that much

01:06:16   fucking bread I don't get a french dip

01:06:18   but i wish i could get the juice there's

01:06:19   there is nothing that you can't dip

01:06:21   knows you Sokka french fry knows you

01:06:24   that is good but anything I mean you

01:06:27   could dip a piece of chocolate cake and

01:06:28   a man yeah you take you a mushroom

01:06:30   cheese burger it's got some red onion

01:06:32   got something made out you dip just just

01:06:34   the tip of like you taking a bite and a

01:06:36   little tip on the bite Egypt that in

01:06:38   a little bit of sausage gravy dip that

01:06:40   little to get a little teary sausage

01:06:42   gravy

01:06:43   this is bananas she's good when you

01:06:45   don't have an app that's the this is

01:06:48   exactly what this is exactly the kind of

01:06:50   like let's put every sauce on it that I

01:06:54   that's how i approach dressing

01:06:56   ok yes something next pivot and my and

01:07:00   muscle my so what I do with with my kid

01:07:02   is I make some make some breakfast for

01:07:07   her and half the time it's just one egg

01:07:10   in a coffee cup which is this point this

01:07:13   house have been trying to do too much

01:07:15   success it's alec yeah what are you

01:07:17   gonna copy come sometimes it's a little

01:07:19   bit of granola with with a dollop of

01:07:22   yogurt on it like she get that the

01:07:24   practice tests

01:07:25   she's pretty cool about Shelly and

01:07:28   actually a hard-boiled egg even which I

01:07:30   wouldn't do there you know like a

01:07:32   hard-boiled egg not you wouldn't ask for

01:07:35   it if you give me a hard boiled egg and

01:07:38   I put it in my pocket and carry it with

01:07:39   me on the trail

01:07:41   ok like alcohol and jager well Jean

01:07:44   right now what we call this little

01:07:45   sausages with yellow and jager plan your

01:07:47   laundry laundry girl I nagar there we'll

01:07:50   get it there will be a time in the

01:07:52   middle of the day when I'm hungry and

01:07:54   I'm Way out on the trail and there's no

01:07:55   place to get any food that i'll pull

01:07:56   that takeout

01:07:57   I feel very situational situational and

01:08:00   contextual about public like a boiled

01:08:02   egg that I've just made in my very

01:08:04   special wake of a very special way and I

01:08:06   go to New York Times I put a put on a

01:08:09   hole with a needle you do that on your

01:08:11   eggs you get a hard book but the other

01:08:13   hand like a bed-and-breakfast of bread

01:08:15   bed-and-breakfast like knock on the door

01:08:17   they want to give you a hard-boiled egg

01:08:18   what is it but with those places in

01:08:20   fucking hard boiled eggs that's that

01:08:21   snake i do not want no I don't want to

01:08:23   rank keep your egg and your German

01:08:25   muffin like yeah I don't want it when

01:08:27   you when you go downstairs at the german

01:08:29   Pensione and there's a bass tick

01:08:33   mastic effects if you have a if you have

01:08:37   a sticker breakfast and you're just like

01:08:39   dark as shown

01:08:42   yeah but here's what i want i want some

01:08:44   toast with Jam actually

01:08:46   I don't get what I want and what I want

01:08:49   and I want some cold cuts and one of

01:08:52   your heart buns and then get me out of

01:08:55   here gonna hit the trail but so anyway I

01:08:58   microwave an egg

01:08:59   I she eats it we're having a good time

01:09:01   in the morning because it's just like

01:09:02   you know it's just the two of us without

01:09:04   without trying saying too much to

01:09:06   provide triangulation like you other are

01:09:08   days where you have to get her to school

01:09:09   lots yeah like how like roughly how long

01:09:11   is it from your walk doors there's no

01:09:15   walking it's a it is a half hour drive

01:09:17   ok ok all right good ok that's what the

01:09:20   problem is it's a half hour dry it's a

01:09:22   20-minute drive if you leave if

01:09:25   everybody if it were told way that you

01:09:27   needed things to work and people keep

01:09:29   moving it out of the way

01:09:30   yeah but-but-but traffic changes within

01:09:34   that 10 minutes if you don't leave I'll

01:09:38   i know this one idea exactly what you do

01:09:40   is to get this was the commute down to

01:09:42   the peninsula was like within this

01:09:44   30-minute window the traffic would come

01:09:48   you could add two hours to the trip by

01:09:50   they don't half an hour later if you

01:09:51   leave at seven twenty to my house in 722

01:09:55   you are you are in the game and you

01:09:58   don't understand why I give a b-plus for

01:10:00   a failed mercury mission but what you're

01:10:02   dealing with every morning 722 722 you

01:10:06   into x 7 x star 722 you can stop at the

01:10:09   gas station and have an additional

01:10:11   breakfast of a couple of chicken strips

01:10:13   you could have an emergency travel Joe

01:10:15   yeah daddy can get a coffee

01:10:17   yeah if you leave to get a map believe

01:10:20   it I could I could get a tire pressure

01:10:22   gauge which if you leave at seven thirty

01:10:24   two haha yeah you're sitting in traffic

01:10:28   and yeah well mr. ah yeah so so what I

01:10:32   say is at a certain point I look at the

01:10:34   clock and I go go get dressed and she

01:10:37   lollygag for one and a half seconds and

01:10:42   I say what did I say go get dressed and

01:10:44   then she disappears

01:10:45   now God and reappears often in the most

01:10:52   fantastical outfits you will have ever

01:10:54   seen i love this already like flowered

01:10:56   parents

01:10:58   a plaid skirt a you know like a mohair

01:11:03   sweater that i didn't know she had some

01:11:06   kind of like rain jacket and cowboy

01:11:09   boots are you know like cheating him she

01:11:11   finds all this stuff and I'm like look

01:11:14   at and I go great

01:11:15   here we go and the only issue is come

01:11:19   out of that room dressed in some costume

01:11:22   by this moment and if she doesn't all I

01:11:26   have everyone's a real liberal arts

01:11:28   approach like how you do this however

01:11:30   you want but you have exactly one

01:11:32   fitness criterion which is that we I

01:11:35   mean by you could ultimately 17 but you

01:11:37   say when i see you next you need to be

01:11:40   in this state

01:11:41   that's right you know you should be

01:11:42   headed toward the door and be able to

01:11:44   make if I if I get to the door before

01:11:46   you do an open it you should be able to

01:11:48   continue be able to start throwing your

01:11:50   keys through the air

01:11:51   yeah at seven 2159 yeah and you just be

01:11:56   you walk out of that room and be

01:11:58   prepared to keep walking and then and

01:12:00   that's the point at which I'm throwing

01:12:01   her hastily made lunch into her back

01:12:04   back and i'm putting my own coat and hat

01:12:09   on and so she ninety-five percent of the

01:12:13   time appears in some costume but i think

01:12:16   is magical that would drive both of her

01:12:19   other caretakers right up the wall for

01:12:22   potentially different reasons for

01:12:24   different reasons

01:12:25   yeah i do not care particularly if her

01:12:28   hair is a rat's nest because my hair's

01:12:31   around interesting and so I don't worry

01:12:33   about how that reflects on you now I'll

01:12:35   grab one of those little ponytail rubber

01:12:38   bands and I'll throw it onto the top of

01:12:41   her head in some way not like a it not

01:12:43   so that the ponytail sticking up not to

01:12:46   meet with but I grabbed her hair and

01:12:48   pull it to the side and put a little top

01:12:51   ponytail on it so it hangs down high and

01:12:54   tuck your hair behind your ears and go

01:12:56   good and she goes down good and we're

01:12:58   out

01:12:59   and so I think that she likes it because

01:13:03   compared to her morning's elsewhere

01:13:07   it feels like a team effort yeah

01:13:10   and she gets to go to school and the one

01:13:13   she's not getting beef

01:13:14   no there's no beef she's the only beef

01:13:16   is why are you it's 720 145 where the

01:13:21   fuck are you

01:13:22   right did you get distracted did you get

01:13:25   lost in your room you know what happens

01:13:27   when you get lost in your room happens

01:13:29   that while you're fucking late and then

01:13:31   daddy standing at the front door going

01:13:33   well let's move

01:13:36   yeah but like what if what if she's

01:13:37   looking at dust that's falling from from

01:13:39   ceiling and look at books that got moved

01:13:41   around if she's trying to discern her

01:13:43   future she absolutely does and then but

01:13:46   at that point it's my problem because I

01:13:49   should be on my game enough that at

01:13:52   seven-twenty I'm saying let's let's move

01:13:55   if I haven't seen you at seven-twenty

01:13:57   let's move and often i'm not only yeah I

01:14:00   know 7 28 mins me that's the problem

01:14:04   yeah and then if I do open her door she

01:14:08   absolutely is staring up at the dust

01:14:10   coming down staring up trying to figure

01:14:11   out what a fucking neutron is marf and

01:14:15   and it you know and it's like oh we're

01:14:17   late now and that's because i was also

01:14:19   staring up at the Panda corner of the

01:14:22   room

01:14:23   oh boy look at that mhm so i came home

01:14:26   daddy is also the problem but we both

01:14:31   subject we walk out of that house we

01:14:33   both look like polly wachee you know

01:14:38   oh yeah

01:14:42   [Music]