The Incomparable

173: Santa-Based Christmas

 

  listen aveda to tune feliz navidad can [TS]

  do [TS]

  Feliz Navidad Prospero and your [TS]

  felicidad TT our wish you a Merry [TS]

  Christmas i wanna wish you a merry [TS]

  christmas from the bottom haha yes he's [TS]

  fine meet you all [TS]

  the incontrovertible number 173 December [TS]

  2013 welcome back everybody to the [TS]

  uncomfortable i'm your host Jason still [TS]

  and it's still the holidays as we record [TS]

  this and release this and we're going to [TS]

  talk about holiday stuff again it's [TS]

  another holiday themed episode and in [TS]

  this episode we'll talk about hopefully [TS]

  music which I know is a little bit of a [TS]

  departure for me but i think this should [TS]

  be a fun holiday topic you'll be the [TS]

  judge of whether it was actually fun as [TS]

  you listen I have a very nice collection [TS]

  of people here to talk about holiday [TS]

  music things we like things we don't [TS]

  like and to get it all started I want to [TS]

  welcome auntie Ashley hi Monty hi are [TS]

  you having a holly jolly christmas i set [TS]

  up a tree yesterday but I got a bigger [TS]

  tree that I have ornaments for it so [TS]

  it's really kind of sparse right now [TS]

  do you have Holly no do you have jolly [TS]

  yes okay [TS]

  halfway there just get some molly and [TS]

  you're good you're set [TS]

  Steve let's is also here hi Steve hey [TS]

  Jason that yes I'm here and I'm ill [TS]

  prepared and bring nothing to the table [TS]

  as usual [TS]

  good we'll get more letters then so [TS]

  that's it thanks I feel lonely when [TS]

  people don't write in and tell me how [TS]

  you've ruined the podcast so that the [TS]

  next time you get a Christmas card to [TS]

  that effect i can only hope [TS]

  Erica and sinus back we only receive [TS]

  letters praising her presence on the [TS]

  podcast hi Erica shucks [TS]

  hi you like the anti Steve Corino and [TS]

  we're on the same podcast together [TS]

  shouldn't things be exploding it that we [TS]

  just keep things evened out give it time [TS]

  works [TS]

  give it time david lawrence also here hi [TS]

  David hello there [TS]

  Holly and jolly and I z2 excellent [TS]

  Wow holly jolly would eat ivy too [TS]

  wouldn't you don't even without a [TS]

  holiday wow yeah and Tippecanoe and [TS]

  Tyler wait a second that has nothing to [TS]

  do with the holidays 4440 or fight mares [TS]

  eat oats and little lambs eat ivy that [TS]

  Voice you heard Lisa's miser who is also [TS]

  here hi Lisa [TS]

  hi there and she has bells did I brought [TS]

  my dish results for missiles on somebody [TS]

  you know somebody lyrics [TS]

  from her later but for now she has the [TS]

  belt and and Phillip Michaels joins us [TS]

  our the world's foremost expert on [TS]

  holiday music night I wouldn't say that [TS]

  I I get when I yeah but i know in a [TS]

  minute i notice that i'm also only on [TS]

  the podcast with their 12,000 other [TS]

  people [TS]

  what's up with that I can carry a show [TS]

  you know I can your magnetic because we [TS]

  just didn't feel we must be here when [TS]

  you're here mr. Michaels will now spend [TS]

  the next 20 minutes discourses on [TS]

  holiday music by himself go and we'll [TS]

  just listen we're just here to listen [TS]

  man and also you're here to balance that [TS]

  Steve so you know yeah now i feel like [TS]

  when I'm when Phil's on the podcast i [TS]

  don't actually have to say much because [TS]

  you will carry the weight I i would like [TS]

  letter writers of the future to know [TS]

  that i have two pages full of notes [TS]

  flights a podcast it's true he does so [TS]

  you're really callup counterbalancing me [TS]

  who has is ill-prepared but i have no [TS]

  Holly because she split in what I have [TS]

  notes and my twitter handle has Holly in [TS]

  it so dang ok point2 Erica alright fair [TS]

  enough [TS]

  yeah but this is a holiday season it's [TS]

  not about who wins or who loses and we [TS]

  know he's gonna lose so it doesn't [TS]

  really matter so Steve stars skinflint [TS]

  column country christmas carol for the [TS]

  previous episode for more information [TS]

  about that and you can write letters if [TS]

  you like [TS]

  anyway so holiday music I i wanted to [TS]

  start there's so much in holiday music [TS]

  so much good so much terrible i thought [TS]

  maybe we would start on me on the on the [TS]

  positive side and talk about what what [TS]

  makes us like holiday music and the [TS]

  things about it that we actually like [TS]

  but I suppose as always i should ask [TS]

  especially for those who have many pages [TS]

  of notes if anyone has any opening [TS]

  remarks Johnson style this would be a [TS]

  good time I I guess I I don't really [TS]

  have any opening remarks aight aight i [TS]

  have a mixed relationship with holiday [TS]

  music some of it as he say I I like [TS]

  although the stuff that i like is [TS]

  and i'm sure this is fairly typical of [TS]

  everyone else on the one in the stuff i [TS]

  like is the the stuff that is particular [TS]

  to my personal taste I I like bluesy [TS]

  bluesy and-and-and country and and sad [TS]

  music and so the holiday music I like [TS]

  tends to be blues and country and sad [TS]

  but I don't really care for is the just [TS]

  by way of background here in San [TS]

  Francisco we have a radio station kait [TS]

  kait yes that the day after thanksgiving [TS]

  the day of thanksgiving right on [TS]

  Thanksgiving this year they did it the [TS]

  day before thanksgiving there there [TS]

  stick is that they play nothing but [TS]

  Christmas on the month's worth of [TS]

  christmas music but their playlist is [TS]

  like 24 songs [TS]

  yeah because it has the front the [TS]

  problem with with stations like koi Dory [TS]

  or your local mega mall or our or [TS]

  anything is that the wash FM for people [TS]

  who might be living in Washington DC as [TS]

  the same so now we've covered two cities [TS]

  are there any other radio stations in [TS]

  this country that play radio how can [TS]

  someone let me google that ok you google [TS]

  that and I'll keep talking this is [TS]

  movable has been to and they started the [TS]

  day before thanksgiving so this is a [TS]

  scourge that across the country perhaps [TS]

  the world know you and and what you want [TS]

  when you're when you're picking holiday [TS]

  music for a mass-market you want things [TS]

  that are happy and upbeat and happy and [TS]

  don't really mention God too much [TS]

  because that might put people off and [TS]

  don't don't and mention lots of snow [TS]

  even if like you're living in a portion [TS]

  of the country that if it snows on [TS]

  Christmas it's a sign of the apocalypse [TS]

  something's gone horribly wrong but [TS]

  anyhow um a lot of the christmas music [TS]

  out there is quite terrible and for a [TS]

  while I collected it until I came to my [TS]

  senses and and now and it's allowed me [TS]

  to seek out things i actually like so [TS]

  that there are you know a couple dozen [TS]

  songs i would I have a playlist of 24 [TS]

  songs to Lisa and and accept the things [TS]

  that I like and not like Neil Diamond [TS]

  doing his christmas album as it was a [TS]

  few years ago I i really love that Neil [TS]

  Diamond's think the hell out of [TS]

  christmas carol well and and this is [TS]

  because you can practically hear i'm [TS]

  thinking come on back out its well and [TS]

  and this is the other thing about about [TS]

  a lot of christmas music is cool [TS]

  really a cash grab it we rarely someone [TS]

  came to to the the the the superstar of [TS]

  the day or the the fading legend and [TS]

  said hey hey baby love what you're doing [TS]

  but they are you better you better crank [TS]

  out a Christmas album because people [TS]

  people will buy it parts people's brains [TS]

  will will see and I thought this was [TS]

  gonna start in positive and it's totally [TS]

  my mom I think it's gonna stay here with [TS]

  friends like people's brains are are are [TS]

  disconnected i think when it comes to [TS]

  buying christmas music versus other [TS]

  users like oh it's called the holidays [TS]

  what you mean Brian carry as christmas [TS]

  album she has more than 100 by the mall [TS]

  and in there like logic escapes you and [TS]

  you're like the holiday season yay and [TS]

  then you you ask yourself oh god what if [TS]

  i don't i have found that i am the [TS]

  opposite of that i was i was doing a [TS]

  little research for today because weezer [TS]

  actually has a couple of Christmas songs [TS]

  that I like so i was trying to find them [TS]

  and it turns out they did an entire [TS]

  christmas album but the Christmas album [TS]

  it's just them doing Christmas carols so [TS]

  I i looked at the song list and [TS]

  immediately when I do not want that i [TS]

  will not know no research Steve people [TS]

  actually do it [TS]

  what I found with my own Christmas [TS]

  carols is if I have a strong sentimental [TS]

  attachment to the song because I spend I [TS]

  associate with a really specific event [TS]

  or or or time in my life it doesn't [TS]

  matter that it's bad when I think [TS]

  perhaps the best example of this and [TS]

  this also shows how old I am is I'm a [TS]

  huge sucker for band for the band-aid do [TS]

  they know it's Christmas and I can't [TS]

  help it but it comes on and all this and [TS]

  i'm singing along with everyone like now [TS]

  you Paul you know King least there will [TS]

  be no snow in Africa this chris yeah [TS]

  have you ever sat down and dissected the [TS]

  lyrics of people that's perfect nothing [TS]

  wrong with the clanging times of doom [TS]

  okay i have it's it's it's the lyrics [TS]

  make no sense whatsoever and and but I [TS]

  can just remember being in seventh grade [TS]

  and watching the videos like a thousand [TS]

  my closest girlfriends at all of us like [TS]

  passing out in excitement over watching [TS]

  george michael or Simon Lebon or what [TS]

  have you and so every time i hear that [TS]

  song was that little bit of adolescent [TS]

  rush when the boundaries of your [TS]

  Christmas are just beginning to expand [TS]

  from family to you know your water [TS]

  community to your to your girlfriend's [TS]

  to the digital resource rituals you have [TS]

  with your friends and fit [TS]

  I was never a big George Michael found [TS]

  always preferred duran duran but it but [TS]

  no like and I know objectively speaking [TS]

  I know the song is terrible [TS]

  objectively speaking it's really [TS]

  embarrassing every time I sing along [TS]

  with bonduel tonight thank god it's them [TS]

  and yet every time it comes on i am [TS]

  building along the top of my lungs in [TS]

  the car [TS]

  how can you even do that there's no [TS]

  melody to the song it's just kinda [TS]

  meanders here and there and it until it [TS]

  gets to feed the world which is actually [TS]

  pretty catchy that makes it easy for [TS]

  this was a limited musical talent having [TS]

  no melody is probably a gift so I'm on [TS]

  Lisa side i'm a big fan of do they know [TS]

  it's Christmas [TS]

  it's that dumbest song the planet and [TS]

  yet i really like it i came into that [TS]

  song already a fan of bob geldof because [TS]

  i love the Boomtown Rats that was [TS]

  excited that he was getting some more [TS]

  public exposure and then he became super [TS]

  famous there's less fun although the [TS]

  version of do they know it's christmas i [TS]

  have on my Christmas playlist is [TS]

  actually by the comedy death-ray choir [TS]

  from the podcast comedy death-ray high [TS]

  so it's got things like Ryan Poston and [TS]

  Doug Benson oh wow really the only [TS]

  musical thing to recommend that person [TS]

  is the one line that car funko notes do [TS]

  so weird al on it [TS]

  I the version that i have on my playlist [TS]

  is by the custard kings and mashes up [TS]

  that and Snoopy's Christmas and it's [TS]

  called do they know it's Snoopy's [TS]

  Christmas why have you not play by play [TS]

  that for you under the same every year i [TS]

  play it for you you can block it out [TS]

  because you're like waiting for Simon [TS]

  Lebon to show up and take you away from [TS]

  all this [TS]

  it's true like I am he can we all agree [TS]

  that that Vince Geralt ease uh Charlie [TS]

  Brown soundtrack is classic christmas [TS]

  music do you give me that [TS]

  oh yeah yes listen to that year-round [TS]

  best Christmas out my own and I own [TS]

  quite a few i agree although the music [TS]

  is not really christmas-related right [TS]

  now is interesting [TS]

  my friend group who had never seen the [TS]

  Charlie Brown Christmas special and she [TS]

  got introduced to the album is an adult [TS]

  and she's like at least be called I [TS]

  can't hang on i don't like it so I [TS]

  wonder again I think objectively [TS]

  speaking it's it's I like his piano [TS]

  style i like the arrangements but i also [TS]

  wonder how much of it is also is [TS]

  strongly says [TS]

  it with seeing and enjoying that the [TS]

  specialist as a child to doesn't matter [TS]

  i haven't seen that in years I don't [TS]

  even remember them you know there's an [TS]

  adorable cartoon characters dancing in [TS]

  your head [TS]

  our daughter is currently obsessed with [TS]

  the Charlie Brown and special so what [TS]

  we've seen it every night for the past [TS]

  five nights I think it's pretty well all [TS]

  I remember that age [TS]

  oh yeah it's a great though it's a great [TS]

  album it I i enjoy it a lot that's [TS]

  present wrapping music that's that's [TS]

  what I put on when i go to wrap presence [TS]

  and it's it's just that's what puts me [TS]

  in the spirit that's the official start [TS]

  of the Christmas season for me [TS]

  ok so Steve you say you've got a lot of [TS]

  christmas music what what's the stuff [TS]

  that you have that you like oh there's [TS]

  actually you know I'm i was going to say [TS]

  I was surprised because i sat down to do [TS]

  my usual intensive preparation for this [TS]

  might get em and and I was expecting to [TS]

  dig out a couple dozen songs that I [TS]

  really really didn't like and I found a [TS]

  few but mostly as I was kind of [TS]

  strolling through the Christmas genre of [TS]

  my ipod I i just kept finding song after [TS]

  song that I'd that i would say oh hey I [TS]

  like that song it's pretty good [TS]

  oh yeah that was a classic oh yeah this [TS]

  is great and it eventually I had like [TS]

  maybe 30 songs written I'd like which I [TS]

  will not go into detail on here but it [TS]

  surprised me a little bit because I i do [TS]

  generally kind of think of a lot of [TS]

  christmas music is being overly small [TS]

  tea and no really sakura and kind of all [TS]

  buy a template and yet there's a lot and [TS]

  it's not just stuff that I remember [TS]

  hearing when I was a kid although [TS]

  there's an aspect of that but there's a [TS]

  lot of holiday music that I really enjoy [TS]

  so i was very surprised by that [TS]

  wow your heart grew three sizes that day [TS]

  Steve it really did [TS]

  yeah you know I very ready to come [TS]

  there's a combination of nostalgia [TS]

  there's the stuff that you were around [TS]

  when you when you were a kid and that's [TS]

  that's a part of it because especially [TS]

  as a as a child in the holidays I mean [TS]

  that you're obviously form a lot of [TS]

  impressions then but then there's the [TS]

  there's the you know your shift to the [TS]

  pop music kind of kind of Christmas and [TS]

  I i remember for me people of a certain [TS]

  age and this is a little bit like saying [TS]

  do they know it's christmas but when [TS]

  that a very special Christmas anthology [TS]

  came out in the was that the mid to late [TS]

  eighties [TS]

  nothing like that something like that [TS]

  was that was that moment like who pop [TS]

  stars are making christmas music and i [TS]

  think i have the one on iTunes and yeah [TS]

  yeah and that was my that was that was [TS]

  that moment where it's like oh there's [TS]

  this whole leverage on route there and [TS]

  and so I have you know I've got I've got [TS]

  a little from column A&A little from [TS]

  column B right I've got some stuff that [TS]

  I consider sort of classic and standard [TS]

  and those are more nostalgic and older [TS]

  and then I've kind of like over the [TS]

  years collected christmas songs and [TS]

  holiday songs from bands i like or you [TS]

  know or songs I heard and I thought were [TS]

  pretty cool and that's like a in a [TS]

  totally different different categories [TS]

  so it's a little a little from each is [TS]

  sort of what I would make some my my [TS]

  playlist [TS]

  I don't even have a playlist how do you [TS]

  know it's Christmas Bob Geldof would [TS]

  like to know because there's no snow in [TS]

  Africa money doesn't yet know as soon as [TS]

  there's no snow in Africa you know it's [TS]

  Christmas [TS]

  mhm that make sense yeah I don't really [TS]

  do anything that's all that Christmassy [TS]

  we don't even really exchange gifts in [TS]

  our family anymore we just sort of get [TS]

  together and have dinner [TS]

  haha wow not that i don't like it i I'd [TS]

  enjoy the fact that people are excited [TS]

  are you on this episode to do X us is [TS]

  that what you're not have that turkey [TS]

  that's as big as the boy she's a crypto [TS]

  Christmas fascist a sleeper cell in the [TS]

  war on Christmas this is the festivus [TS]

  songs episode right I actually i only [TS]

  found songs that I like they didn't come [TS]

  up with anything i dislike so I mean I'm [TS]

  definitely not not bah humbug and you [TS]

  know it is guys i'm just lazy [TS]

  christmas is work I'm with you on that [TS]

  one [TS]

  yeah so I don't wrap presents and I [TS]

  don't I don't you know decorate anything [TS]

  but i enjoy all the Christmas lights [TS]

  that are all around but not other people [TS]

  hit up [TS]

  yeah you can tune to that radio station [TS]

  yeah alright so it's so to answer your [TS]

  question Jason which we kind of got away [TS]

  from us and and i'm not going to go [TS]

  through my whole list because then that [TS]

  the draft forever [TS]

  yes there's a draft and God knows we [TS]

  don't want to draft so a few from the [TS]

  the nostalgia category i'm a big fan of [TS]

  holly jolly christmas which you already [TS]

  brought up mainly because Burl Ives [TS]

  voice is the sound of Christmas to me [TS]

  he's got just an utterly magical voice [TS]

  and is probably the closest we'll ever [TS]

  come to having Santa Claus [TS]

  yes a Christmas song i am no longer the [TS]

  anti Steve because I completely go see [TS]

  fill it fill their exchanges here it's [TS]

  every yeah let's stay positive for now I [TS]

  want to hear what Steve likes and we'll [TS]

  go around and get Phil will probably [TS]

  disagree with all my other ones too and [TS]

  then we can Duke it out later okay no in [TS]

  the heart of the holidays sure this one [TS]

  a bit of a guilty pleasure i'm a fan of [TS]

  the chipmunk song i was god dammit we [TS]

  are doing the same wavelength here but [TS]

  there's a specific reason for that [TS]

  though and that is I remember one [TS]

  Christmas as a lab we were dropped on [TS]

  your head [TS]

  waking pats haha there is that that's [TS]

  okay see this will be great when they [TS]

  read the angry letters about you on this [TS]

  episode some compromise right that it [TS]

  just being up at two in the morning not [TS]

  being able to sleep and trying to find [TS]

  something to do and that came on the [TS]

  radio and just being so so happy and in [TS]

  anticipation for what the morning would [TS]

  bring and there was this goofy song with [TS]

  the you know Alvin Simon and Theodore [TS]

  and you know just made me really happy [TS]

  and it still does [TS]

  that's one of those ones that can bring [TS]

  me back as candy barking dog version of [TS]

  jingle we do not think i might be [TS]

  trolling us [TS]

  I can't wait to hear what songs you [TS]

  don't like yeah it that it came on our [TS]

  Lord how can you not like the barking [TS]

  dogs doing jingle bells i have ears [TS]

  yeah I don't love it as a song but i [TS]

  love it as a as if you say the Porky Pig [TS]

  version of blue christmas i am going to [TS]

  read a study the microphone [TS]

  ok let's see well let's let's will [TS]

  happen if we go through the classics [TS]

  here then and if there's a lot more [TS]

  modern ones we can talk about those like [TS]

  later because i don't want to just take [TS]

  over the podcast alright with my awful [TS]

  yeah not and then there are the classics [TS]

  i will bring up the classics as well and [TS]

  mainly for me the the classic Christmas [TS]

  songs that really really work are the [TS]

  two nights [TS]

  oh holy night and Silent Night both of [TS]

  which are just just have such a [TS]

  beautiful kind of sad sounding melody [TS]

  and you know i've been i've been an [TS]

  awful atheist for my entire life but for [TS]

  some reason those songs both kind [TS]

  choked me up a little bit because a [TS]

  hinge hinge on the interpretations [TS]

  heavily on the singer [TS]

  yeah that's true so that's an especially [TS]

  oh holy night that is extremely you were [TS]

  absolutely right there but when done [TS]

  properly both of those songs can make [TS]

  this non-believer feel almost moved [TS]

  which is what you're referring to share [TS]

  their i am referring to share also [TS]

  Mariah Carey does a version of a holy [TS]

  night which she seems well enough but [TS]

  it's it's basically we'll listen to my [TS]

  my multi octave range and despair [TS]

  humanity loud is the new girl yeah it's [TS]

  it's it's really quite quite a bombastic [TS]

  whereas you know silent night that's it [TS]

  that's a high particularly enjoy the [TS]

  Dinah Washington version i like the [TS]

  Mahalia Jackson one [TS]

  well beautiful David you have some [TS]

  favorites oh god yes I mean I always [TS]

  loved Christmas music because I grew up [TS]

  with you know my mother was a choir [TS]

  director church so every year yet all [TS]

  the classic hymns and you know trying to [TS]

  figure out what modern stuff you might [TS]

  work in there and so I mean I'll just [TS]

  assume all the traditional Christmas [TS]

  carols [TS]

  but then the more I got into theater and [TS]

  doing sound design and theater and every [TS]

  year you have a Christmas show of some [TS]

  sort so i just i would gather more and [TS]

  more christmas music and find all kinds [TS]

  of cool stuff and so I mean Vince [TS]

  obviously the diet diana krall christmas [TS]

  album became a perennial as soon as that [TS]

  came out like the whole family just like [TS]

  who i like that and you know when when [TS]

  you have a three-year-old going play the [TS]

  jazz album play the jazz I'm okay you [TS]

  got it and i love the new england [TS]

  Christmastide collections which are [TS]

  classic Christmas carols played on [TS]

  antique instruments and authentic [TS]

  instruments from the period when the [TS]

  songs are written which is kinda cool [TS]

  and a couple years ago we did a show [TS]

  where I just decided to to use the Blind [TS]

  Boys of Alabama as the music had nothing [TS]

  to do with the story had nothing to do [TS]

  with the setting but it was like this is [TS]

  fantastic these people need to hear it [TS]

  and actually the the owner of the venue [TS]

  where we performed after the show she [TS]

  came up to me and said I respect a man [TS]

  who knows exactly how to use the blind [TS]

  boys [TS]

  oh cool see their their album go tell it [TS]

  on the mountain is just fantastic and [TS]

  then the the one odd one that I love pdq [TS]

  bach has a concert of Christmas carols [TS]

  which are three songs good king kong [TS]

  looked out a little town of Hackensack [TS]

  and my personal favorite throw the you [TS]

  logo on Uncle John I actually quite like [TS]

  a lot of those sort of they're not [TS]

  classics but they're not particularly [TS]

  new song sort of the the middle era that [TS]

  Johnny Marx wrote a ton of Christmas [TS]

  songs he was Jewish but apparently he [TS]

  specialized in christmas songs [TS]

  go figure Irving Berlin like Neil [TS]

  Diamond yeah he wasn't busy on December [TS]

  25th so he did a lot of songwriting that [TS]

  I don't love Jingle Bell Rock it's just [TS]

  one that i am ok with but stuff like [TS]

  rockin around the Christmas tree that [TS]

  that was Johnny mark song he also wrote [TS]

  Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer which is [TS]

  fine and weirdly enough to run Rudolph [TS]

  run which chuck berry recorded which is [TS]

  not one of my favorite songs but I those [TS]

  are the kind of radio christmas songs [TS]

  that I'm a more ok with then some of the [TS]

  more obnoxious papi [TS]

  mariah carey style ones but but what I [TS]

  really like is bands that I like writing [TS]

  christmas songs because so often they [TS]

  are not in any way [TS]

  traditionally Christmassy or not even [TS]

  necessarily happy i mentioned earlier a [TS]

  couple of of Wheezer songs they have to [TS]

  christmas songs one is called the [TS]

  Christmas song and one is called [TS]

  Christmas [TS]

  celebration and they are both incredibly [TS]

  depressing which is something you might [TS]

  expect if you know how rivers cuomo [TS]

  works when he's writing songs but the [TS]

  the Christmas song is about a fellow who [TS]

  is waiting for a girl [TS]

  uh who didn't show up even though she [TS]

  said she was going to like one of the [TS]

  main lines of the song is here i sit [TS]

  waiting beside the tree all by myself [TS]

  like that's my kind of christmas huh [TS]

  depressing and christmas celebration is [TS]

  just kind of about how annoying [TS]

  Christmas can be and it refers to Santa [TS]

  is that man is so because he can't get [TS]

  out the door it's just it's just not [TS]

  nice but but i do like some of the [TS]

  happier type of those songs as well [TS]

  fountains of wayne has a song called i [TS]

  want an alien for Christmas you know [TS]

  which is just it's just upbeat and fun [TS]

  and it's the the narrator of the song is [TS]

  basically asking for an alien the way a [TS]

  little kid would be asking for a puppy [TS]

  written for Hanson and never recorded by [TS]

  boy band Hanson so they record that [TS]

  themselves which is why it's very [TS]

  kid-like you know and it's just it's [TS]

  charming and delightful and wonderful I [TS]

  I like a few of the classic Christmas [TS]

  carols as well like for some reason up [TS]

  on the housetop was always my favorite [TS]

  song to sing one else who's an [TS]

  elementary school my mom was an [TS]

  elementary school music teacher so [TS]

  occasionally we would get her to play [TS]

  the piano and we can have little [TS]

  sing-alongs in the basement but my dad [TS]

  really hated Christmas carols so for the [TS]

  most part we didn't listen to them in [TS]

  the house a whole lot but we did get to [TS]

  hear the Nutcracker Suite over and over [TS]

  again because my mom loved that my dad [TS]

  was fine with classical music so that to [TS]

  meet the nutcrackers is the sound of [TS]

  christmas i'll have no up on the rooftop [TS]

  in this household young lady [TS]

  click click click new carolers taken [TS]

  outside if you like stand out in the [TS]

  yard and bring the boombox hearing it [TS]

  right it will get no figgy pudding out [TS]

  of me [TS]

  I think that's actually how caroling [TS]

  started as somebody said I don't want to [TS]

  hear that stuff go outside walk around [TS]

  and take into the diverse yeah maybe [TS]

  they'll like it but actually my favorite [TS]

  Christmas song r is from mystery science [TS]

  3000 it is a patrick swayze Christmas I [TS]

  know Jason mentioned when he was not [TS]

  talking about santa claus conquers the [TS]

  options that was that was actually a [TS]

  sing-along [TS]

  my household for a few years I i was i [TS]

  was a member of the fan club back in the [TS]

  day I sent my money off the best brains [TS]

  and in return [TS]

  one of the perks i got was a videotape [TS]

  with a plain white cover that was called [TS]

  play misty for me and had a bunch of the [TS]

  songs collected and I think that's the [TS]

  only VHS tape that I saved when i move [TS]

  that the only 1i still in the early days [TS]

  of mystery science theater fandom I was [TS]

  the first person to transcribe that for [TS]

  all TV mst3k wow wow [TS]

  most of the day's Monty what do you have [TS]

  as favourites up [TS]

  I like a mixture of what I'm going to [TS]

  call classic Christmas songs like I [TS]

  think all of the johnny mathis andy [TS]

  williams or Dean Martin songs i have our [TS]

  christmas songs like I can I can get [TS]

  behind Tony Bennett saying singing [TS]

  winter wonderland I'm pleased by that [TS]

  yeah I don't want an actual winter [TS]

  wonderland of snow is weird and foreign [TS]

  to me but somebody else claiming to [TS]

  enjoy i like and i also for some reason [TS]

  really like kind of alternate funky [TS]

  christmas songs [TS]

  there's this one song the Christians and [TS]

  the pagans by dr. Williams that is a [TS]

  really good i think explanation of why [TS]

  christmas is nice although it's also [TS]

  explanation of why winter solstice is [TS]

  nice and it's just about families [TS]

  getting together and it makes me feel [TS]

  warm and cozy nice but yeah I like [TS]

  myself some Tony Bennett Randy Williams [TS]

  just in this part of the year [TS]

  yeah I've got many artists that are [TS]

  those classic artists that I don't have [TS]

  a lot of music of but I've got their [TS]

  christmas stuff and I and I like it yeah [TS]

  there's something about it's it's it's [TS]

  good and and comforting in some way [TS]

  nobody's mentioned to get so i will say [TS]

  that fairytale of new york by the Pogues [TS]

  with chemistry and online listen to talk [TS]

  about hi there are nearly enough there's [TS]

  the songs containing the phrase you're [TS]

  an old slut on junk [TS]

  I first heard that song like only like [TS]

  four years ago or something I'd never [TS]

  heard it before and Andy anarcho [TS]

  actually because he done his website he [TS]

  does his musical advent calendar every [TS]

  year and I and that's a great song it's [TS]

  like it's like you're taking a a journey [TS]

  it's like a whole story that happens in [TS]

  that song yeah it's pretty awful story [TS]

  to that way it is but it's amazing [TS]

  starts out in the drunk tank with the [TS]

  guy dying next to him on the floor I saw [TS]

  shane macgowan live a few years ago and [TS]

  i could not make out a single word he [TS]

  said yeah so it's free to pretend he was [TS]

  doing all my favorite poems songs and [TS]

  for some reason i noticed a lot of the [TS]

  Christmas songs i have on my list aren't [TS]

  actually about Christmas like let it [TS]

  snow let it snow let it snow [TS]

  no just regular thing yeah it takes [TS]

  place during winter same for winter [TS]

  wonderland for Frosty the Snowman well [TS]

  there's that divide there's the [TS]

  traditional religious you know and a him [TS]

  based music and then there's the secular [TS]

  holiday Winter Festival music and [TS]

  they've all kind of push together in the [TS]

  popular culture but they're definitely [TS]

  two different genres and I and you know [TS]

  you listen to the lyrics and if they're [TS]

  very basically about a messiah then [TS]

  perhaps there in the one camp and get [TS]

  the half [TS]

  have yourself a merry winter solstice [TS]

  yeah I feel like there's three [TS]

  categories there's this straight Jesus [TS]

  type like do you hear what i hear or [TS]

  silent knight riders Santa based [TS]

  Christmas like say there's just been [TS]

  going here its class Santa based [TS]

  Christmas you're right you're also [TS]

  you're also forgetting the Commerce the [TS]

  Commerce bass songs like silver bills [TS]

  and and and legal business look a lot [TS]

  like Christmas yeah but I i agree with [TS]

  Marty's basic do it [TS]

  delineation of the the Christmas tax on [TS]

  his Christmas yes right yes I'm glad we [TS]

  structured Christmas so well Lisa what [TS]

  about you what are the ones that work [TS]

  for you what kind of stuff do you like [TS]

  unfortunately film I don't have very [TS]

  similar tastes in Christmas music [TS]

  unfortunately I asked you first so you [TS]

  gotta just great [TS]

  yeah i should mention my dad was in the [TS]

  mind my dad was basically that the Big [TS]

  Ten ordeal in our church choirs growing [TS]

  up and my brother always played in [TS]

  Orchestra and band and jazz ensemble [TS]

  know that so we grew up listening to a [TS]

  lot of um orchestral arrangements and I [TS]

  could probably come you the entire [TS]

  Nutcracker Suite in my sleep but i still [TS]

  really enjoy it and I enjoy the modern [TS]

  mandolin quartets interpretation of the [TS]

  Nutcracker Suite it's just this very [TS]

  light very pleasant very sprightly take [TS]

  its not excessively saccharine it [TS]

  doesn't get all all-russian bombastic [TS]

  it's it in its light and bright and [TS]

  something that i can safely play in in [TS]

  you know mixed create audiences as it [TS]

  were and to me that's the quintessential [TS]

  Christmas soundtrack some of the other [TS]

  songs on my list i consider under [TS]

  African skies by Paul Simon to almost be [TS]

  a christmas carol or just because it's [TS]

  got the beautiful verses about you know [TS]

  Joseph Joseph and Mary usually christmas [TS]

  songs about Africa idea that category [TS]

  all ladysmith black mambazo um Jane [TS]

  summaries got a beautiful song called [TS]

  calling all angels that I like to play [TS]

  around this time of the year for the [TS]

  same reason [TS]

  um it's just this really pretty i'm and [TS]

  I've always played kind of tandem with [TS]

  what are your friend nearby Dan Wilson [TS]

  cause those arms or are about taking [TS]

  stock of of your life is that as the as [TS]

  the planet turns and we when we reset [TS]

  the calendar neil finn has sweet secret [TS]

  piece which i think is beautiful [TS]

  I like to listen to that one too i love [TS]

  nancy wilson version of what are you [TS]

  doing New Year's Day like seven years [TS]

  eve and this year i downloaded Curt [TS]

  Smith formerly of Tears for Fears or [TS]

  perhaps still of two structures I don't [TS]

  keep up with them but he just called [TS]

  this is Christmas that I i I've really [TS]

  been enjoying to and for my daughter [TS]

  there's an artist like listen to [TS]

  elizabeth mitchell who has just released [TS]

  a collection of old American folk carols [TS]

  and there's like twenty four of them and [TS]

  it'sit's just against very gentle very [TS]

  focused very low key and that [TS]

  that's some traditional ones like lo how [TS]

  a rose e'er blooming Mary was the queen [TS]

  of Galilee and children go where I send [TS]

  the withdrawal classics that I like and [TS]

  then I've got a couple there so they [TS]

  hadn't heard of before but I've been [TS]

  enjoying that album too so it's in other [TS]

  words is pretty much the opposite of [TS]

  what Phyllis all right Phil it's your [TS]

  different levels of us have it in LIC [TS]

  it's cranky uncle bastard's turn well [TS]

  well let me tell you your children you [TS]

  would not believe the negotiations we [TS]

  have to go through when we when we try [TS]

  to listen to music if it's alternating [TS]

  it's well I'll play to type here and [TS]

  he'll come unless the the the Christmas [TS]

  songs I kind of dig that no youyou can't [TS]

  necessarily play in mixed company [TS]

  I like father Christmas by the kinks [TS]

  oh yeah that's which is a wonderful song [TS]

  about privation at the holidays and [TS]

  robbery and robbery yes thank you money [TS]

  I like i won't be home for christmas by [TS]

  blink-182 which is a peppy little song [TS]

  in which are our hero is thrown into the [TS]

  clinic for for christmas i hate to see [TS]

  Christmas come around by jimmy [TS]

  witherspoon which is a nice little blues [TS]

  song about oh I he's got troubles jimmy [TS]

  witherspoon and you know it's that's [TS]

  very enjoyable but I i also like songs [TS]

  that don't make you want to open a vein [TS]

  so I like mele kalikimaka chris isaak [TS]

  version is quite quite Pepe and [TS]

  delightful i mentioned Dinah Washington [TS]

  silent night [TS]

  it's not really a Christmas song at all [TS]

  but hepcats holiday by cat and the [TS]

  fiddle is is just it a delightful little [TS]

  tune and that that gets me in the [TS]

  holiday spirit [TS]

  I won't say which holiday i like the [TS]

  barenaked ladies Sarah McLaughlin not a [TS]

  jam on God rest ye merry I like that one [TS]

  too a lot [TS]

  well there you go see we do like things [TS]

  this is true like the whole it's a [TS]

  Christmas year [TS]

  we don't like that you were the one who [TS]

  originally suggested that we actually [TS]

  bring a whole bag full of an appropriate [TS]

  instruments [TS]

  I've met inappropriate instruments not a [TS]

  jingle bell yeah i was gonna bring in [TS]

  Morocco's in and a mouth harp [TS]

  where's my open horn and today uh you [TS]

  know please come home from christmas by [TS]

  uh dad I think Charles Brown does the [TS]

  version like bring that Cadillac back oh [TS]

  this is back in the saddle christmas [TS]

  songs by the dock back the orchestra [TS]

  little woman you've done wrong me so [TS]

  give me back that Cadillac I gave you is [TS]

  basically the theme of that song sort of [TS]

  us equal to santa baby [TS]

  yes units if it's like it's like the the [TS]

  bitter echo of santa baby quite right [TS]

  Steve thank you and I like you're all i [TS]

  want for for christmas by the [TS]

  persuasions that's a really nice offer i [TS]

  love it every time you play free makes [TS]

  me happy so there there are those of the [TS]

  proper Christmas songs to listen to you [TS]

  didn't celebrate Christmas the Philip [TS]

  Mike so noted so notice a fistful of [TS]

  bourbon and a heart full of hate is ever [TS]

  too yes you you know you want an album [TS]

  called Christmas the film Michaels way i [TS]

  do or cranky uncle bastard it could also [TS]

  become our fist full of bourbon in there [TS]

  and listen to that I've got a few that i [TS]

  wanted to mention so I i have Frank [TS]

  Sinatra's christmas album with with that [TS]

  Frank Sinatra swing and christmas is [TS]

  that it would be produced a lot of [TS]

  christmas albums I i like to envision [TS]

  Sinatra would walk into the studio and [TS]

  like where we're doing this in one take [TS]

  baby boom I've got a girl back in the [TS]

  hotel room and storms out and so yeah he [TS]

  got attacked the highlight come on i [TS]

  have a jolly christmas from Frank [TS]

  Sinatra which is is a couple of the [TS]

  tracks are really great and are cure [TS]

  Frank Sinatra voice & Christmas music [TS]

  and it's just magic and then there are [TS]

  the the ones where it's very much like [TS]

  the producers like oh I don't know at [TS]

  and it's totally laden with backup [TS]

  singers [TS]

  everything that's a sign of something [TS]

  terrible right that is everything that [TS]

  is every Sinatra christmas album because [TS]

  i have a Christmas with Sinatra i think [TS]

  it is and it's a lot of his early stuff [TS]

  but it that their sons that the sominex [TS]

  backup singers join about we're gonna [TS]

  squirt anything it is quite dreadful you [TS]

  really want to cover up Frank's voice oh [TS]

  yeah especially is his early voice when [TS]

  he could still saying and there's a [TS]

  version there's a there's a cut on the [TS]

  album that i have where it's Frank [TS]

  Sinatra sings you the lord's prayer [TS]

  which really does not school just not [TS]

  forever regardless of what you think of [TS]

  the Lord's Prayer and and i'm in favor [TS]

  of it generally listeners but I not [TS]

  really not really deserves that [TS]

  no it is it is my uncle actually saying [TS]

  the Lord he's an opera singer sing the [TS]

  Lord's Prayer at a couple of funerals [TS]

  and made me cry so I'll ok good it works [TS]

  well your uncle is better than Frank [TS]

  Sinatra's and Frank Sinatra doing is one [TS]

  take and then storming out of the studio [TS]

  to go Neal the gardener yeah yeah so [TS]

  anyway that Frank Sinatra you take it [TS]

  you take the rough you take the i [TS]

  actually enjoy doing the shuffle that [TS]

  includes the entire album because you [TS]

  you'll get it you'll be like a Frank and [TS]

  then a couple tracks later like 1000 [TS]

  break no don't do it [TS]

  so there's that I nat king cole's [TS]

  christmas album I mean obviously you're [TS]

  there for chestnuts roasting on an open [TS]

  fire the Christmas song which is a [TS]

  classic and that's one of those that [TS]

  hits me you know right right in the [TS]

  heart that's just that that that's [TS]

  that's the sound of Christmas for me but [TS]

  there's some other nice stuff on there [TS]

  and that again is a nice traditional [TS]

  christmas album lots of Chris lots of a [TS]

  traditional songs and I like that one a [TS]

  lot i'm not going to- yet so I'm not [TS]

  going to mention that thing with several [TS]

  some some songs that I like uh Eric [TS]

  already mentioned fountains of wayne but [TS]

  i really liked your song the man in the [TS]

  Santa suit which is about a sweaty [TS]

  backup Santa who was called into action [TS]

  with because the first Santa has has a [TS]

  gotten sick that's really enjoyable the [TS]

  life of our department store Santa I i [TS]

  enjoy Guster's carol of the meows which [TS]

  in many ways be modern updated version [TS]

  of the barking dogs [TS]

  well then it's alright with me yeah [TS]

  which is the carol of the bells except [TS]

  with the young like cats [TS]

  no son by men who are singing like I am [TS]

  in my own the story the story's me I'm [TS]

  yeah [TS]

  history is that all rock are a kind of [TS]

  all folk band cut Guster when they were [TS]

  releasing one of their albums in the [TS]

  heyday of Napster they released a [TS]

  version of on the internet properly [TS]

  labeled but what they did was they [TS]

  replaced all the vocals on it with them [TS]

  just now saying instead of the lyrics [TS]

  and uh and it became actually kind of a [TS]

  cult hit was later released as a meow [TS]

  only album on itunes anyway they did [TS]

  they [TS]

  carol of the bells version with just [TS]

  meows and it's actually delightful i [TS]

  enjoy spinal taps Christmas with a devil [TS]

  far more than I should and you know [TS]

  that's there's nothing there's nothing [TS]

  wrong with that [TS]

  there'll be no father christmas because [TS]

  its evils holiday that's you got it and [TS]

  I feel so bad about Uncle John yeah [TS]

  exactly [TS]

  I i really enjoy uh a song called i hear [TS]

  the bells by Mike Doty that is a kind of [TS]

  fun christmas christmas song that i [TS]

  really like I insist the bells are [TS]

  ringing by they might be giants as a [TS]

  christmas song even though other people [TS]

  like Lex Friedman disagree i find a very [TS]

  Christmasy and a and a condemnation of [TS]

  Christmas commercialism and I i bought [TS]

  John jonathan coulton John Roderick's [TS]

  christmas album last year and I thought [TS]

  it was a you know it's the batting [TS]

  averages about half really good songs [TS]

  and half kind of their songs but the [TS]

  good ones are great including a [TS]

  fantastic song called 2600 which is [TS]

  entirely about me because it is about a [TS]

  kid demanding only one thing for [TS]

  Christmas and that's an atari 2600 so [TS]

  those those songs that I like a lot [TS]

  the day you go you all refused to adhere [TS]

  to my totally arbitrary way of [TS]

  partitioning out the podcast i now have [TS]

  to sneak in later with more modern [TS]

  sounds before although i forgot to [TS]

  mention one that I like four as a kid [TS]

  which is a John Denver and the muppets [TS]

  doing oh yes is coming [TS]

  yes it's a good song around with Miss [TS]

  Piggy scooter and gonzo over this bouncy [TS]

  little Caribbean rhythm some other that [TS]

  it's a very good album some of the cuts [TS]

  don't hold up so well and after the [TS]

  years but that one is a that sensational [TS]

  you know the song about screw [TS]

  from up and christmas carol is very good [TS]

  although I don't really think that's a [TS]

  Christmas song i guess i should because [TS]

  it's about screwed though I was always a [TS]

  little disappointed they never did a [TS]

  rendition of please daddy don't get [TS]

  drunk this christmas it but I like [TS]

  christmas is coming a lot and I don't [TS]

  think Phil had heard that song untill [TS]

  you married me [TS]

  no I hadn't known i've grown I've [TS]

  actually grown i used to not like it and [TS]

  now I did kind of do [TS]

  yeah what's all my god my father please [TS]

  daddy don't get drunk this christmas is [TS]

  as now I kinda like that what i love [TS]

  about that song is the children's course [TS]

  that kicks in at the fine anytime you [TS]

  bring in children's chorus into the song [TS]

  with potential for to go horribly wrong [TS]

  is is just trembling on the precipice [TS]

  but but everyone's well it's deployed to [TS]

  great effect you know the thing with [TS]

  please daddy don't get drunk this [TS]

  christmas i don't know what the big deal [TS]

  is I mean daddy gets drunk and mama [TS]

  cries but he really doesn't do much [TS]

  other than role in late knock over the [TS]

  Christmas tree that maybe bar finish [TS]

  stocking and pass out under the tree but [TS]

  he heard no one let him be no no he [TS]

  knocks over the tree Steve pay attention [TS]

  to the lyrics he Christmas trees fall [TS]

  over pretty easily mine fell over twice [TS]

  follows putting it up and how much were [TS]

  you drinking not okay come on [TS]

  I think Steve's point is he's not an [TS]

  angry drunk is kind of a is kind of a [TS]

  light-hearted cordial trancas might be [TS]

  invited on podcast it's probably better [TS]

  that he gets drunk this christmas i'm [TS]

  just thinking maybe mom is overreacting [TS]

  just a little the others are some actual [TS]

  modern stuff that I was gonna mention i [TS]

  really like this tune by gorky's zygotic [TS]

  monkey to Welsh band songs called [TS]

  Christmas Eve and it's just the world's [TS]

  prettiest little acoustic guitar melody [TS]

  and and then at the very end they come [TS]

  in with this sort of angelic sounding [TS]

  vocal and all these things is the star [TS]

  you fell in love to comes out on [TS]

  Christmas Eve and and it just somehow [TS]

  perfectly evokes standing out under the [TS]

  stars in a snowy field with your with [TS]

  your true love on christmas evensen just [TS]

  a nice little song I've I enjoy a song [TS]

  by Elvis called feliz navidad ax which [TS]

  is a mash-up of Feliz Navidad which I I [TS]

  think he just cannot be cheered up by [TS]

  Feliz Navidad I'd and public image which [TS]

  bizarrely works perfectly with Feliz [TS]

  Navidad [TS]

  so that's a good little tune I also a [TS]

  big fan [TS]

  of thanks for Christmas by i think they [TS]

  call themselves the wise men but it's [TS]

  actually just XTC which is just a [TS]

  perfect pop christmas song it's got this [TS]

  wonderfully be totally piece of music [TS]

  that would've been a great too and even [TS]

  without the Christmas elements but then [TS]

  they also throw in that the bells and [TS]

  the harp and this totally cheesy lyric [TS]

  that nonetheless sounds kind of [TS]

  heartfelt so I'm big fan of that one [TS]

  and lastly i think i have to mention Bob [TS]

  and Doug McKenzie doing the twelve days [TS]

  of Christmas and beer beauty on the [TS]

  first day of Christmas my true love gave [TS]

  to me beer here in a 35 golden 264 [TS]

  pounds back bacon three french toasts I [TS]

  like that version because they speed the [TS]

  song up penis [TS]

  yeah they just gave up after like eight [TS]

  I get pretty impatient with parodies of [TS]

  twelve days of Christmas because it just [TS]

  takes so long to get to each new line [TS]

  towards the end of the song they get [TS]

  today seven and I think they just jump [TS]

  straight to welcome to day 12 i did [TS]

  remember to other things [TS]

  Duke Ellington has a fantastic [TS]

  Nutcracker and his musics not bad either [TS]

  but seriously no it's it's a wonderful [TS]

  set of the Nutcracker and the Bob's too [TS]

  many Santas is just a lovely album move [TS]

  very silly songs including they have one [TS]

  with jonathan katz as a guest vocalist [TS]

  called Santa's got a brand new bag that [TS]

  is [TS]

  again just delightful alright attention [TS]

  listeners this ends the part of the show [TS]

  where we're positive about christmas [TS]

  music if you don't want us to ruin your [TS]

  happy feelings for warm fuzzy feelings [TS]

  about the holiday season by tearing [TS]

  apart some beloved holiday music you [TS]

  should stop listening now consider this [TS]

  the end of the show thanks for listening [TS]

  happy holidays we love everything see [TS]

  you next week [TS]

  okay we've reversed the streams and now [TS]

  we're going to talk about things that [TS]

  are awful [TS]

  thanks for sticking with us again if you [TS]

  are a super positive person who doesn't [TS]

  like anybody saying anything negative [TS]

  about anything [TS]

  abandon all hope can we get negative now [TS]

  Steve oh yes weekend I'd like believe we [TS]

  can do this in many ways is like a [TS]

  Christmas gathering where everyone tries [TS]

  to be nice for the first hour and then [TS]

  sends and then everything goes to hell [TS]

  that's right all right let's get [TS]

  negative can I can I just posit at and I [TS]

  realize this may be going out on a limb [TS]

  but that that in Christmas it's a [TS]

  marshmallow world is the worst Christmas [TS]

  song ever written [TS]

  I'll never heard of that no tell you [TS]

  head-butted is quite bad [TS]

  this is this is I'd never really heard [TS]

  it before and then I was listening to my [TS]

  my television provider also has you know [TS]

  digital music channels and we had a tune [TS]

  to the Christmas channel at course as [TS]

  you do and this is a few years ago it's [TS]

  like five or ten years ago and and the [TS]

  song came on and and I i was [TS]

  increasingly horrified the Dean Martin [TS]

  version i'm thinking of is the laziest [TS]

  Sallust most pathetic set of lyrics it's [TS]

  it's yeah to to continue the Sinatra [TS]

  metaphor where he storms into the studio [TS]

  does one take and storms out Dean Martin [TS]

  started staggers into the studio set a [TS]

  pattern let's sing a song now and then [TS]

  he does the the song and does this one [TS]

  taken i was that there was a great okay [TS]

  i'm at her ear and so the way I'm going [TS]

  to well Frank nearly regard [TS]

  yeah so marshmallow world christmas that [TS]

  is that is Dean Martin at his Dean [TS]

  Martin yeast yeah it's not a fan I think [TS]

  that went bad that that actually is the [TS]

  thing that I have the most impatient for [TS]

  uh other other than yes the pop star pop [TS]

  album where they take some song that had [TS]

  some sort of nuance or meeting and they [TS]

  built the heck out of it and they do a [TS]

  lot of different runs and stuff to show [TS]

  that their voices are great and compete [TS]

  like you're talking about jessica [TS]

  simpson i feel i was i was going to go [TS]

  back to mariah carey but sure yeah that [TS]

  works too jessica simpson track from [TS]

  when we did the compilations of like the [TS]

  worst and values do because we send out [TS]

  see we have I saw Mommy Kissing Santa [TS]

  Claus first I hate that Carol anyway [TS]

  yeah yeah there's not a good version of [TS]

  that but Jessica Simpson's brings it to [TS]

  a whole new level of disgusting and full [TS]

  yeah like to make it soulful know trying [TS]

  to make it sexy [TS]

  yeah she's kind of like she's kind of [TS]

  that Santa will gesture over and then [TS]

  we'll be some elbow you have to actually [TS]

  if there is ever a song that you say you [TS]

  know what let's not make this one sexy [TS]

  it sighs softly kissing santa claus [TS]

  let's not sex that one that time my kids [TS]

  watch me wearing it [TS]

  let's let's talk about I saw Mommy [TS]

  Kissing Santa Claus for a minute because [TS]

  for me that's probably the worst it's [TS]

  pretty bad and I mean the Jimmy Boyd [TS]

  original sounds like he's singing with [TS]

  his huge old-timey close but in traffic [TS]

  and neck and that's that's bad enough [TS]

  but the spike jonze overhead which is [TS]

  sung by grown man George work is utterly [TS]

  egregious I implore you to listen to the [TS]

  Jackson 5 version [TS]

  yeah wit ya which is all right because [TS]

  they're doing the Jackson 5 thing where [TS]

  they're all spinning around and it's it [TS]

  and and Michael's in and this is michael [TS]

  and his end his youngest and cutest and [TS]

  his belt and now nevermind quite weird [TS]

  and then he's a buddy oh what goes weird [TS]

  right at the end I'm gonna tell that it [TS]

  was really you know you're thinking oh [TS]

  god Joe Jackson's gonna beat his wife [TS]

  and joe jackson is gonna be like [TS]

  everyone singing a song with a sock full [TS]

  of oranges they're the ones that should [TS]

  be saying i hope that he doesn't get [TS]

  drunk [TS]

  yes yeah that's miss spike jonze [TS]

  business though with the fake giggles [TS]

  and the oh boy oh yeah creepy as hell he [TS]

  sounds like he's being castrated as the [TS]

  song is being recorded [TS]

  even if there was a good version of that [TS]

  dish the story that unfolds through [TS]

  those lyrics oh god like santa baby [TS]

  which is my other bugbear in a baby [TS]

  didn't make a terrible team movie based [TS]

  on the song I saw Mommy Kissing Santa [TS]

  Claus I believe starting one of the kids [TS]

  from home improvement of course they did [TS]

  also a concern to a circle of how i [TS]

  would say are the happen fide the lyrics [TS]

  of something like i'll be home for [TS]

  Christmas which is always found [TS]

  offensive because that is a sad song [TS]

  that is it that was a song [TS]

  just happy version of that yeah Oh God [TS]

  most of them have been happy fide I have [TS]

  you know that it's i'll i'll be home for [TS]

  christmas and you know you can count on [TS]

  me and it's all like i'll be home for [TS]

  christmas literally and significant oh [TS]

  I'm on the united flight right now [TS]

  yeah yeah and it were originally was [TS]

  about servicemen like overseas not being [TS]

  home for Christmas exactly except in [TS]

  their dreams i know they changed the [TS]

  words when that was a big cross B it [TS]

  they rerecorded it with changed words to [TS]

  make it more positive they also they [TS]

  also do that with one of my favorite [TS]

  switches have yourself a merry little [TS]

  christmas because the original version [TS]

  and as says song in meet me in st. Louis [TS]

  is actually kind of Graham because it's [TS]

  about a never going to see my loved ones [TS]

  again because they're moving to [TS]

  different places a exactly overall that [TS]

  we're all being flung to the the for [TS]

  current corners of the earth and death [TS]

  waits for everybody but that the lyrics [TS]

  get changed over the years I couldn't [TS]

  think of a lot of things that I [TS]

  absolutely hated except that i'm i'm [TS]

  right with you Jason as far as the the [TS]

  radio songs where it some pop star [TS]

  showing off and thats and they don't [TS]

  even know yeah it's just that they're [TS]

  just they're singing but it's a modern [TS]

  version of the Frank Sinatra swoops in [TS]

  to record something where it's like oh [TS]

  is this a song okay I've never heard it [TS]

  before but i'll sing the heck out of it [TS]

  okay I'm gonna go where's my paycheck [TS]

  yeah exactly that bothers me and [TS]

  actually speaking of radio stations that [TS]

  play christmas music I was in edmonton [TS]

  with my spouse last Christmas and they [TS]

  have not one but two stations that play [TS]

  christmas music while continually all [TS]

  month long so as we were driving around [TS]

  town which we did quite a bit [TS]

  we are I like to flip through the radio [TS]

  stations while anytime they're just kind [TS]

  of get an idea for what the different [TS]

  music is like in canada and it's not [TS]

  that different but we heard a lot of [TS]

  Christmas songs and almost every time I [TS]

  just wanted to change the station right [TS]

  away because it was often one of those [TS]

  obnoxious songs but the one song that [TS]

  that came to mind and he's gonna he's [TS]

  gonna hate me because we would drive [TS]

  around and Stephen would say I just want [TS]

  to hear feliz navidad i just went [TS]

  alright he was so excited and in my head [TS]

  I'm going oh please don't play that the [TS]

  one song i do not want to hear cuz I can [TS]

  that stand it just gets on my nerves so [TS]

  much yeah you're the NTC yeah we're back [TS]

  to where I'm back to being anti Steve [TS]

  good good all is right with the world [TS]

  yes yeah I feel like I feel like we've [TS]

  done a good thing here so i want to wish [TS]

  you a Merry Christmas we wish you a [TS]

  Merry Christmas we wish you a merry [TS]

  christmas from the bottom of my MA [TS]

  yes Steve high-five my spouse steven is [TS]

  listening right now I'm sure you just [TS]

  made his night huh and ruin everyone [TS]

  else's you all right Steve the two songs [TS]

  i hate the most [TS]

  our unfortunately to that Erika said she [TS]

  liked no jingle bell rock and rockin [TS]

  around the Christmas tree that Yuri [TS]

  eight let's talk about rockin around the [TS]

  christmas tree i wanted to our jingle [TS]

  bell rock let's talk about bowl okay [TS]

  there's no parking in either one of them [TS]

  there's certain ethical cynical songs [TS]

  written by people who just wanted to [TS]

  appeal to those darn teenyboppers said [TS]

  well if we call it jingle bell rock [TS]

  that's like writing a rock song look at [TS]

  least Rocking song ever written for her [TS]

  perhaps the worst Christmas song lyric [TS]

  ever is giddy-up jingle horse pick up [TS]

  your feet [TS]

  I just argue with that it's just a [TS]

  tattoo guy like catchy it is catching [TS]

  it's evil but it's catchy [TS]

  that's what we're saying Phil what is [TS]

  your what is your grievance with rockin [TS]

  around the Christmas tree [TS]

  well I is it which one is the one that [TS]

  whole notes does the borough jingle bell [TS]

  rock that my grievances with that for [TS]

  you are with me hunt down the nineteen [TS]

  eighties video that whole notes did so [TS]

  for for Chico Bell Rock away cuz god [TS]

  bless our coats because he is going on [TS]

  has thrown only 120 know that's the [TS]

  director to say the director clearly [TS]

  said to them all right [TS]

  haulin oats ear this is very festive and [TS]

  you're at a party then they're wearing [TS]

  ugly sweaters and before that became an [TS]

  ironic thing to do hey what you're [TS]

  you're at a party and it's the best [TS]

  party you've ever been [TS]

  the note said oats took that direction [TS]

  to heart because his face is not that [TS]

  his face is frozen in this rictus of [TS]

  merriment and his moustache might just [TS]

  be weighing his muscles down its and [TS]

  they are dancing around and having a and [TS]

  having a grand old time and it will it [TS]

  will haunt your dreams as you watch them [TS]

  I I please find it now [TS]

  pause this podcast active everyone [TS]

  within the sound of my voice [TS]

  go to youtube or go to the vh1 and find [TS]

  haulin oats singing the song it does the [TS]

  both of those songs have the feeling was [TS]

  like hey the kids have this new thing [TS]

  the rock and roll this is what Monty was [TS]

  saying the teenyboppers it [TS]

  let's do songs like that but but about [TS]

  thought about the holidays then they [TS]

  couldn't even be bothered to write a new [TS]

  song in the case of jingle bell rock [TS]

  just somebody's in an office somewhere [TS]

  saying we need a christmas carol that [TS]

  the kids will listen to you know [TS]

  something like jingle bells but with Rob [TS]

  I don't know [TS]

  jingle bell rock and or roll David do [TS]

  you have particular things that you [TS]

  would like to complain about [TS]

  well I have 21 which has bugged me for [TS]

  well I close to 40 years i guess it's [TS]

  it's almost that old Paul McCartney's [TS]

  wonderful actress all my god the [TS]

  landmine haven't been you know I mean [TS]

  that's crap bout but it's lex friedman [TS]

  least favorite song of all time you know [TS]

  that dude could write a good song if he [TS]

  wanted to [TS]

  Steve yes simply wonderful christmastime [TS]

  simply having a wonderful christmas time [TS]

  repeat that your heart is actually ok [TS]

  that that little melody is not horrible [TS]

  but yes they're gonna rest of the song [TS]

  that is a really lutely dreadful and and [TS]

  you know it's like he had one line and [TS]

  went hey that's good [TS]

  ok and you know and it got to the point [TS]

  where when when my wife and I were first [TS]

  dating that was one of those things that [TS]

  Bond's a couple you know it's like oh [TS]

  that's all [TS]

  brought together by hate that's like a [TS]

  deal-breaker if they do like it [TS]

  she made me write a parody of it and so [TS]

  that was that's punishment enough for [TS]

  both of you and that parody turned out [TS]

  to be our wedding vows well actually no [TS]

  I realized you could sing john lennon's [TS]

  happy xmas war is over against simply [TS]

  having a wonderful christmas time it's a [TS]

  counterpoint it's really creepy so [TS]

  lennon-mccartney there you go if you [TS]

  work in ringo starr's I want to be Santa [TS]

  Claus than you really hit the truck and [TS]

  I'm still working on it i have a team [TS]

  students that has a research grant for [TS]

  that by the way christmas time is here [TS]

  again by the beatles is actually a much [TS]

  worse song and simply having a wonderful [TS]

  christmas time the heat Ringo [TS]

  declaration of that on his most recent [TS]

  Christmas album it's just wanting to [TS]

  Ringo would try to live off the glory of [TS]

  the beatles it's kind of hard to believe [TS]

  I don't like the phrase most recent [TS]

  christmas album [TS]

  yeah but i have to say i found a new [TS]

  song or a relatively new song a couple [TS]

  of weeks ago that I don't know it might [TS]

  be even worse for me [TS]

  christina aguilera's cover of the [TS]

  Christmas song which oh it's I mean go [TS]

  again if you can hear this go and listen [TS]

  to it especially the holiday remix [TS]

  that's the even better version as [TS]

  opposed to go above and beyond holiday [TS]

  remix of the Christmases it's I don't [TS]

  know if if mel torme or nat king cole [TS]

  like drowned her puppy when she was a [TS]

  child because it's like she wants to [TS]

  take this song and pummel it into [TS]

  submission it it's every vocal trick x [TS]

  10 you know if she does a trail she'll [TS]

  do 10 drills at once at the backbeat and [TS]

  it i mean it's worse than all I have all [TS]

  I want for Christmas is you i mean it is [TS]

  suddenly mariah carey is not so bad [TS]

  anymore [TS]

  well I refuse your dad but another other [TS]

  words i'm sorry the federal has no cells [TS]

  to listen to it on when you push me for [TS]

  it [TS]

  I'm sure Mel Torme isn't that mad [TS]

  because he wrote the songs what Lisa's [TS]

  getting paid for what [TS]

  but I think using different actually [TS]

  succeed yeah that's when something [TS]

  doesn't even have an opinion on his [TS]

  errors or are not that man no you shut [TS]

  up felt army isn't dead but we talking [TS]

  about the velvet fog [TS]

  yeah we are on the name he hated i [TS]

  believe will live forever but is dead [TS]

  wait a minute all right [TS]

  hey Phil I believe you've got a whole [TS]

  bucket of negativity coming [TS]

  why don't you pour it out and let's all [TS]

  just witness actually Jason I'm full of [TS]

  love and happiness i'm very happy to [TS]

  hear that but my wife is fuming and I [TS]

  think he wants to talk about things that [TS]

  she hates all right i feel you put me on [TS]

  the spot here now I just wanted to talk [TS]

  about how much I hate time santa baby [TS]

  yet which is one of those songs that no [TS]

  one can ever do right because the basic [TS]

  and fundamental message of the song is [TS]

  disgusting and gross that's true and yet [TS]

  within that within that spectrum you can [TS]

  do it really really really badly [TS]

  yes you which is to have the affected [TS]

  Betty Boop voice what level of office [TS]

  and to maybe going to be because Madonna [TS]

  awful [TS]

  oh you know I think I heard you liek [TS]

  Simpson to a cover of it was usually a [TS]

  michelle those version of it now i don't [TS]

  remember any ear every lady Shion to see [TS]

  doesn't every lady chanteuse who's ever [TS]

  desperately needs to know that she's [TS]

  pretty doesn't cover of it [TS]

  yeah you know it's validate me so i just [TS]

  checked and you'll be glad to know glee [TS]

  has done santa baby about a hapless yeah [TS]

  ryan murphy is a force for evil I [TS]

  wouldn't have done it so I just like [TS]

  that 1i am have no opinion on baby it's [TS]

  cold outside anymore because i always [TS]

  keep you like that to rest with their [TS]

  wonderful wonderful take off no no no we [TS]

  need to discuss this [TS]

  this is very important I was ready to to [TS]

  let you know baby it's cold outside go [TS]

  because you know everyone just say hey [TS]

  this is connected with date right about [TS]

  date rape URF URF over there that i was [TS]

  going to know about that letter not yeah [TS]

  a little bit I I think society had given [TS]

  up on that song or I thought it had even [TS]

  and then last year Lisa M didn't want to [TS]

  get emotional on this podcast last year [TS]

  john travolta oh that's a little [TS]

  newton-john did it didn't happen [TS]

  Christmas standards i really wasn't i [TS]

  did baby it's cold outside of this [TS]

  except except except John Travolta is [TS]

  the person who's I hit ya gotta go and [TS]

  within just got no I think it's gonna go [TS]

  I think I think we're gonna we're gonna [TS]

  get busy tonight and high [TS]

  I've locked all the doors lock from the [TS]

  outside didn't know your truck with my [TS]

  judgments coming [TS]

  I I don't really think if you can that [TS]

  way and love you do John says grease is [TS]

  the word baby and it's like the [TS]

  heartwarming version of misery [TS]

  listen to that song and listen to John [TS]

  your focus tired voice as he's just [TS]

  cranky i really like signature sobs I [TS]

  agree with you that sounds like it [TS]

  sounds like a hostage video [TS]

  yeah i agree with you there [TS]

  yeah i agree with you there [TS]

  however i am the video John Travolta's [TS]

  thinking is distressed for I stand by my [TS]

  stand by my search that key and Peele [TS]

  have definitively the date-rape up [TS]

  questions to rest with their takeoff [TS]

  hmm and I I urge everybody to look for [TS]

  for that on youtube because that's [TS]

  awesome you know that same gender swap [TS]

  two baby it's cold outside was done by [TS]

  lady gaga and Joseph gordon-levitt in [TS]

  what I'm sure you remember as lady gaga [TS]

  and the Muppets Holiday Spectacular from [TS]

  like a week and a half ago I i get this [TS]

  image is it just gordon-levitt is played [TS]

  down for a lot more things than John [TS]

  Travolta is that like he seems to me [TS]

  like he's an adventurer shame and that [TS]

  was maybe the only decent moment that [TS]

  whole special gathers depressing special [TS]

  there's also oh I really hate there's [TS]

  one called mary did you know that comes [TS]

  on occasionally and its basic and and [TS]

  the whole premise of the songs mary are [TS]

  you were that the baby that you're [TS]

  holding is going to be horribly [TS]

  crucified in approximately thirty-three [TS]

  years and and do you realize what a [TS]

  grave responsibility is to take this [TS]

  tiny child and look at it and realize [TS]

  that you're gonna watch and be tortured [TS]

  to death for salvation [TS]

  did you know that Mary are you okay with [TS]

  that Mary sounds uplifting yes yes it's [TS]

  like the dude who bought brought [TS]

  murderer [TS]

  yeah yeah and then she's giving birth in [TS]

  a manger like immediately thereafter [TS]

  when she's like all hormonal and [TS]

  supplementary did you know and and I [TS]

  just and whenever somebody thinks that [TS]

  they're trying to sing it reverently [TS]

  because you're supposed to be you know [TS]

  thinking about big thoughts and in [TS]

  salvation and so on and so forth and [TS]

  what it really comes down to is it would [TS]

  be tantamount to someone coming to see [TS]

  the mother of a newborn and saying by [TS]

  the way said strikes one in 200 yeah [TS]

  it's just this horrible program and and [TS]

  they play it on the radio like it's [TS]

  supposed to be this big spiritual path [TS]

  gnosis all my gosh I hate that so we've [TS]

  had a lot of fun tonight talking about [TS]

  it like that SIDS and and date rape [TS]

  there's a few points I want to make [TS]

  before we get to the Christmas shoes and [TS]

  that is celebrities if you're listening [TS]

  to this podcast and i was thinking i [TS]

  know that you are please hate you when [TS]

  they come and tell you got them [TS]

  you've got to make a christmas album [TS]

  that just say no Rosie O'Donnell [TS]

  mhm i'm going to say no and when they [TS]

  say hey Rosie O'Donnell that Christmas [TS]

  album was great make a second one please [TS]

  at that point say no and and please [TS]

  whatever you do don't do a duet with [TS]

  Elmo [TS]

  I kind of living for the day that you [TS]

  decide to punish me by introducing that [TS]

  to her daughter that oh no that's not [TS]

  gonna happen okay that's not gonna [TS]

  happen to you promised me I have to live [TS]

  in that house too [TS]

  ok yes Rosie O'Donnell and Elmo sing do [TS]

  you hear what I hear [TS]

  yes and what what what you will hear is [TS]

  horror and and sobbing so please [TS]

  I for one think the elmo has a lovely [TS]

  singing voice [TS]

  no it's like a call-and-response Jason [TS]

  that's how they do the song as big as a [TS]

  kite [TS]

  it was a star almost as big as the guys [TS]

  big as a kite [TS]

  the king said Rosie said the little lab [TS]

  to the w into the shepherd boy didn't [TS]

  get this Shepherd that's right on [TS]

  shepherd boy and it looks like this for [TS]

  like hours it feels like yeah so you got [TS]

  your problems with your Rosie [TS]

  O'Donnell's and your Cathy Lee Gifford's [TS]

  cutting christmas albums the new was [TS]

  here you got your problems with your [TS]

  hipsters like your your flaming lips and [TS]

  your your Martinez Ibarra's doing there [TS]

  oh you really hate that more tuna [TS]

  cerbera most wonderful time of the year [TS]

  yeah [TS]

  oh wow yeah where the hipsters can't [TS]

  even be bothered to say it's the most [TS]

  wonderful time [TS]

  what gives you oh yeah it is a part of [TS]

  the song where Martina so it's America [TS]

  actually I don't even know if i'm [TS]

  pronouncing your name correctly i don't [TS]

  care i don't care now and and she just [TS]

  like lets out this plaintiffs I like oh [TS]

  I'm so much better than this material [TS]

  yeah well not really but I think the [TS]

  thing and we could talk about the the [TS]

  pikachu pokemon Christmas alvin I think [TS]

  people know enough to avoid that what I [TS]

  don't think what I think people don't [TS]

  avoid is a song i like to call the [TS]

  Christmas cat [TS]

  the Christmas cat isn't that the time [TS]

  for a Doughboy this Michael Jordan [TS]

  Rockies bad memories and he's listening [TS]

  to this podcast yeah that the Christmas [TS]

  cat is a song about a cat who is who's a [TS]

  cruel bastard owners thrown out into the [TS]

  wintry night because I guess he's being [TS]

  a cat and they thrown out into the [TS]

  wintry night and there in the snow [TS]

  drifts he meets a mouse and he says hey [TS]

  mister mouse all cuddle you and and keep [TS]

  you warm and during the course sonic at [TS]

  freezes to death but the mouse lives and [TS]

  and and Santa comes no sense yeah [TS]

  because the ratio of any means that the [TS]

  heat i don't work out the most maybe [TS]

  they cut out the lyric or the mouse cuts [TS]

  the cat like a tauntaun and sleep since [TS]

  I don't know [TS]

  so that is how come the song is called [TS]

  the Christmas mouse but I had announced [TS]

  like bigger on the inside than the [TS]

  outside the have had a good at a certain [TS]

  point the mouse is rescued by Santa [TS]

  because you know Santa and and everyone [TS]

  cries it's a there's an actual lyrics [TS]

  and everyone cried in a Christmas song [TS]

  and Santa says well because this cat [TS]

  gave His life i'm going to you i'm going [TS]

  to use mice and powers to assume the [TS]

  bodily into heaven as I didn't realize [TS]

  that was in Santa's trans- bad you [TS]

  didn't realize that was a two-finger [TS]

  Santa's mission statement [TS]

  it's because christmas is a very [TS]

  religious holiday and there ya have it [TS]

  has those powers so if you're listening [TS]

  to need to get there earlier before ya [TS]

  know it will bring him back haha yeah [TS]

  well Santa said some things [TS]

  it's not like he has powers that allow [TS]

  them to travel around the world and one [TS]

  night he can't get there in time he [TS]

  could have done the thing that Superman [TS]

  does in the first superman movie where [TS]

  he starts flying around the word bet [TS]

  world backwards so that it reverses they [TS]

  wouldn't have to deliver all the [TS]

  presents again though [TS]

  yeah I guess Santa just being a lazy [TS]

  bastard I'd I think he's got quite a job [TS]

  to do so anyhow if you're planning on [TS]

  listening to the Christmas cat don't [TS]

  yeah that's my advice to you but of [TS]

  course now that I've heard you talk [TS]

  about it I have to go [TS]

  nada Leon's I definitely don't huh [TS]

  I've heard it so I'm safe do it do it [TS]

  would youwould you back up my story oh [TS]

  god yes [TS]

  yeah you can go you can all listen or [TS]

  not listen to it at carid.com a whole [TS]

  say I'm not kidding here suddenly [TS]

  grandma and the reindeer don't look so [TS]

  bad a Christmas cat is available on CD [TS]

  with the beautiful four-page full color [TS]

  booklet insert I can't think of another [TS]

  song that we'd want to mention certainly [TS]

  not one that involves footwear to buy [TS]

  these shoes sir before we get a [TS]

  Christmas cobblers involved i want to [TS]

  express my incredible dislike for and [TS]

  this is probably an unpopular choice [TS]

  because apparently some people like this [TS]

  but those people are wrong [TS]

  uh I really detest Christmas wrapping by [TS]

  the waitresses a man I don't know what [TS]

  it is somebody mentioned on twitter [TS]

  today have you heard it [TS]

  merry christmas is curiosity where were [TS]

  you in the eighties no no I'm serious [TS]

  work because it didn't i was offered [TS]

  West ok because it was often played on [TS]

  on like Christmas Eve most the local [TS]

  rock stations because that was they were [TS]

  allowed remember we weren't allowed to [TS]

  listen to christmas music in the house [TS]

  ah that's right so you either so barely [TS]

  like you've never heard while home my [TS]

  gosh you should consider yourself lucky [TS]

  it is i just got a horrible melody has [TS]

  their awful awful repetitive a chorus it [TS]

  merry christmas and thanksgiving this [TS]

  think i was getting this was your man [TS]

  because my gosh let's just stop it oh [TS]

  maybe I have to I have heard that song [TS]

  oh no i didn't know the name [TS]

  I'm having flashbacks to the one holiday [TS]

  season i worked at a record so man [TS]

  there's going to be a punch-out oh god [TS]

  this place is a big fan got this is [TS]

  terrible lyrics the whole thing is about [TS]

  to get this flaky lady who wants to get [TS]

  together with some keep talking over [TS]

  books her life other flaky guy but you [TS]

  can't really be bothered [TS]

  keep digging Your Grave what's the worst [TS]

  man [TS]

  yeah i have heard it I just blocked it [TS]

  out yeah that's that's what you do [TS]

  Lisa Steve was saying terrible things [TS]

  about Christmas wrapping you have a [TS]

  rebuttal [TS]

  no because people are allowed to like [TS]

  and dislike different songs and [TS]

  that is just fine by me that's why they [TS]

  make two flavors of ice cream i guess [TS]

  you can't think that some people like [TS]

  terrible ice cream [TS]

  look I can see I can see where the [TS]

  criticism is you know see steve is right [TS]

  where the lyrics are basically this [TS]

  overcook this this overbrook broad with [TS]

  a rotten grip on her social life as [TS]

  friends all year running around like a [TS]

  maniac and there's this trait little oh [TS]

  it's a Christmas miracle that I ran into [TS]

  my hookup and at the MP on Christmas Eve [TS]

  but you know you forgot the cranberries [TS]

  to you forgot cranberries to yeah yeah [TS]

  and some guy I think you'd enjoy that [TS]

  song you have to enjoy the waitresses [TS]

  yeah particular approach to pop music [TS]

  which is to say it's this really I I get [TS]

  the feeling that the waitresses if you [TS]

  describe them it's a lot more enjoyable [TS]

  than if you actually listen to them you [TS]

  know don't think that's all I know what [TS]

  boys like yeah I was very frightened or [TS]

  boys like works for the square pegs [TS]

  themes on for this yeah just it's a [TS]

  little too much and it just it feels [TS]

  like it goes on for about 20 minutes [TS]

  this song because it like covers all [TS]

  four seats are accounting the year it's [TS]

  like everyone's I just called to say I [TS]

  love you [TS]

  yeah yet you don't actually have to do [TS]

  that over the course of a year though [TS]

  alright it's time it's time to wrap it [TS]

  up with the Christmas shoes [TS]

  Phil please take it down so it was the [TS]

  single Christmas snow was almost [TS]

  Christmas tag [TS]

  I can only do like six seconds and then [TS]

  we have to pay those bastards royalties [TS]

  and I never knew Satchmo did that song [TS]

  know what he does [TS]

  yeah do it another time except you know [TS]

  you never heard anybody doing a cover of [TS]

  that song know and and that should tell [TS]

  you everything you need to know about it [TS]

  so let me take you back to 2000 guys [TS]

  let's go back to 2000 good old 2000 i'm [TS]

  driving in on the highways and byways of [TS]

  Virginia with my new bride and we have [TS]

  on wash em one of the radio stations [TS]

  that plays Christmas 24 hours a day and [TS]

  they got the DJ comes on and says hey [TS]

  here's a song we've been getting [TS]

  requests for the salted all day long [TS]

  it's called the Christmas shoes and we [TS]

  listen to this song which is if you [TS]

  haven't heard it a little bit [TS]

  controversial for the holidays it's a [TS]

  song about a young man who's a waiting [TS]

  in line to buy a Christmas present for [TS]

  his mother because his mother's dying [TS]

  and the mean heartless bastard behind [TS]

  him in line a doesn't like he's easy [TS]

  he's kind of grumpy around Christmastime [TS]

  but here's this kids a sob story says oh [TS]

  I've got to help out this kid and so he [TS]

  kicks in some money to help this kid buy [TS]

  a pair of shoes for his dying mother and [TS]

  the code of the song and I think we have [TS]

  to quote exactly let's not paraphrase [TS]

  new song put a lot of effort and thought [TS]

  into writing this and this is what they [TS]

  came up with I knew I'd caught a glimpse [TS]

  of heavens love as he thanked me and ran [TS]

  out I knew God had sent me that little [TS]

  boy to remind me what Christmas is all [TS]

  about which is another way of saying [TS]

  yeah I was not really feeling the [TS]

  Christmas mood but then God decided to [TS]

  kill this boy's mother and I feel good [TS]

  about me and now I'm feeling great [TS]

  talking about it [TS]

  I was fine song but the mouse live [TS]

  the point is that Santa Claus saves the [TS]

  mouse that kills this little boy's [TS]

  mother like murders are dead and so we [TS]

  go wee-wee-wee goes to my my in-laws [TS]

  house for Christmas and we see him and [TS]

  we just heard this horrific song and [TS]

  we're counting it yeah and we're gonna [TS]

  see it's about shopping and some poor [TS]

  kids running around on supervised was [TS]

  dying and instead of focusing there's a [TS]

  Carter is dirty and neglected and all [TS]

  that i should mention there's a choir of [TS]

  children at the end syncing with the bit [TS]

  about sir will you buy these shoes and [TS]

  my mama please and then the song ends [TS]

  with this little child listing i wanted [TS]

  to look beautiful if mama meets Jesus [TS]

  tonight and that's how it ends like with [TS]

  a bell on this child was being away its [TS]

  dread and so we mentioned this in my [TS]

  father-in-law just grows Ashton says [TS]

  that is the most beautiful sound that [TS]

  has ever been written you less left [TS]

  costal ino cynical left costal a [TS]

  c-collar are you saying he's wrong and [TS]

  description with her now that's the [TS]

  thing of saying that and I'm like what's [TS]

  that supposed to be something you think [TS]

  it's dad why what why are you acting [TS]

  like we should be offended by gonna be [TS]

  over the ensuing 12 years i think the [TS]

  Christmas shoes is his Gunners share [TS]

  fans has garnered its share of [TS]

  detractors they made a movie out of it [TS]

  sterling Rallo you watched it with my [TS]

  mom for the first time [TS]

  yes because i was out doing something [TS]

  you can wear your out meeting a friend [TS]

  of yours tonight I saw at your mother's [TS]

  house and M and I I was reduced to tears [TS]

  but not of the sad for now yeah so the [TS]

  first movie is rob lowe learns a very [TS]

  important about lesson about Christmas [TS]

  when Kimberly Williams his heart [TS]

  explodes [TS]

  yeah and a little boy was orphaned at [TS]

  but the important thing is rob lowe [TS]

  knows how to celebrate Christmas now and [TS]

  then in the second movie the little boy [TS]

  grows up to be Doogie Howser mhm and [TS]

  other movies turned to Steve Sanders [TS]

  from Beverly Hills 90210 it's it's just [TS]

  a woman sat down freedom that is like [TS]

  the devolution of man [TS]

  hey wait there are three Christmas shoes [TS]

  movies [TS]

  yes there are oh my lord and there are [TS]

  four christmas shoes books [TS]

  yes wow did you hear the scare quotes [TS]

  around the word books other kids [TS]

  no I want clarification are those books [TS]

  based on the lyrics are they [TS]

  novelizations of the movies [TS]

  Jason how I gave Phil I gave fill the [TS]

  books is a stocking stuffer one year and [TS]

  the it and I believe I i may have read a [TS]

  few chapters of one of them aloud to you [TS]

  one time I was angry yeah and we call [TS]

  those days weekdays there's a reading [TS]

  guide for them you know you can happen [TS]

  at your book club [TS]

  can I just say that reading your spouse [TS]

  from the Christmas shoes book gotta be [TS]

  the lowest method of intramural fighting [TS]

  that I've ever heard that that's rough [TS]

  there might be seven of these bahaha oh [TS]

  what a lot such I thought I stopped it [TS]

  for well the author has written seven [TS]

  books that i'll start with the Christmas [TS]

  something now looking at Donna's family [TS]

  area blessing hope promise secret [TS]

  journey and no external energy [TS]

  wow oh there's a Christmas no that's [TS]

  ridiculous [TS]

  oh wow well oh no I have a cynical Left [TS]

  Coast elitist I had no idea she had [TS]

  continued after the Christmas promise [TS]

  yeah alright well what have we learned [TS]

  nothing not a thing that I i think there [TS]

  was some pretty good recommendations for [TS]

  different before it all got ugly yes [TS]

  there were you realize relentlessly [TS]

  focused on the positive for a while that [TS]

  help ya ya kept it from going off the [TS]

  rails man for a little while said said [TS]

  the man climbing on the record i think [TS]

  the rail pointed directly to the [TS]

  negativity i think in this podcast Jason [TS]

  you are the cat was thrown out of that [TS]

  right late at night and in this metaphor [TS]

  I think that oh let's say eric is the [TS]

  mouse that lives [TS]

  I guess right that's fine who had the [TS]

  shoes are in state is steve is the [TS]

  shields and sure i'll be granted 200 [TS]

  really and Monty is the cuckolded dad [TS]

  who saw Mommy Kissing lore and done and [TS]

  lisa is a living newton-john I guess [TS]

  that makes me John Travolta wow well we [TS]

  look forward to your next career revival [TS]

  it's still just named everybody who was [TS]

  on I feel like I don't even have to say [TS]

  goodbye to you by name [TS]

  you guys wonder why I don't do Christmas [TS]

  stuff and just waive all feel festive [TS]

  you don't enough [TS]

  alright we've got enough damage here we [TS]

  spread the holiday cheer [TS]

  we spread it in some cases we smashed it [TS]

  but it was a lot of fun and now it's [TS]

  over and so I'd like to thank all my [TS]

  guests again who feel just identified by [TS]

  name and their roles here especially [TS]

  Steve the shoes [TS]

  Christmas is ruined yay pretty early in [TS]

  the year this time and so so we say [TS]

  goodbye to you and thank you mr. and [TS]

  wish you all a Merry Christmas we hope [TS]

  you'll tune in next week for something [TS]

  something special from us and maybe we [TS]

  should just say that we're simply having [TS]

  a wonderful christmas soon we are simply [TS]

  having a wonderful christmas time simply [TS]

  goodbye everybody having a wonderful [TS]

  christmastime Christmas stuff that's [TS]

  what Christmas is all about Charlie [TS]

  Brown lights please [TS]

  and just to be clear you're listening to [TS]

  human centipede the worst passwords [TS]

  podcast app that's it that's been trying [TS]

  to make you jealous i will ignite in the [TS]

  chat just digital the can be spoken [TS]

  please edit out all the jingle bells [TS]

  thank you i'm shaking it feel now that [TS]

  you know I'm gonna keep this on my wrist [TS]

  the whole be able to drive tonight um [TS]

  well I'll be drunk by then it's truly [TS]

  did stop at mr. I'll be drunk by [TS]

  Christmas i was waiting for someone to [TS]

  say by then Jesus it why don't why don't [TS]

  we draft the format that we're going to [TS]

  use for this episode had no you know [TS]

  what will create Dungeons and Dragons [TS]

  characters and give them all songs to [TS]

  sing chick flick [TS]

  that's doesn't understand i'll come up [TS]

  with something for Carlos the door I [TS]

  goblin will sing all be home for [TS]

  Christmas except on the desert planet of [TS]

  Athos Christmas is a holiday that's [TS]

  served as a feast of sand [TS]

  yes usually harder that's the only [TS]

  reference i can make christmas is what [TS]

  goblins eat you're living in a portion [TS]

  of the country that if it snows on [TS]

  Christmas it's a sign of the apocalypse [TS]

  something has gone horribly wrong and [TS]

  yea or if you're Australian they might [TS]

  be relieved because we feel about those [TS]

  fires huh [TS]

  some parts up somewhere Australia is [TS]

  always burning so if the snow comes onto [TS]

  the Christmas me I understand the beds [TS]

  are burning quite frequently on there [TS]

  the time has come fairly well they're [TS]

  passionate people [TS]

  it's our midnight oil episode ya know [TS]

  about it took an unexpected turn [TS]

  I feel like we just get started on the [TS]

  film Lisa podcast right this is the best [TS]

  who's afraid of virginia woolf overheard [TS]

  mark i played the song for you you have [TS]

  only talent [TS]

  quiet Massa Massa stop laughing and just [TS]

  imagine that much everything I have to [TS]

  do now [TS]

  wow this is amazing i deliberately [TS]

  trying to laugh wait for the microphone [TS]

  because I didn't want to break some [TS]

  better microphone 0 and and I let me see [TS]

  if I can find the lyrics for that it's [TS]

  through the you log on Uncle John [TS]

  through the log on Uncle John throw the [TS]

  you look through the log through the log [TS]

  on Uncle John and it all depends on [TS]

  where you put the comma and the whole [TS]

  selling is just about doing horrible [TS]

  horrible things to Uncle John [TS]

  so yeah it's it'll be great to see the [TS]

  the faces of the traditional carolers [TS]

  when you started singing that like oh [TS]

  god that's horrible [TS]

  stop so you know and I don't think Uncle [TS]

  John would like it either [TS]

  not really no no buddy I want us to get [TS]

  to you login Uncle John if possible [TS]

  position [TS]

  thank you goodnight goodnight everybody [TS]

  I Christmas it and and and i got to say [TS]

  we in Louisville we have 10 6.9 WV easy [TS]

  playing the you know the 24 songs over [TS]

  and over and over again except they also [TS]

  do a contest where if you hear Jingle [TS]

  Bell Rock twice in a row be the third [TS]

  caller [TS]

  oh my and you know usually my kids like [TS]

  let's do the contest let's do the [TS]

  contest and this is a contest where both [TS]

  of them are like why do they keep [TS]

  playing that song god and so yeah we [TS]

  stopped listening to that real quick [TS]

  yeah that's like in citement to murder [TS]

  the listen to jingle bell rock well [TS]

  alright it could be worried i just try [TS]

  to stay positive here and I ll rock now [TS]

  let's go to you America you can tell us [TS]

  about things you like and then [TS]

  and then later i'll talk about how [TS]

  jingle bell rock is a sign of the [TS]

  apocalypse but now we're staying [TS]

  positive now that's right i love that [TS]

  song but I could say I feel like it's [TS]

  kind of cool persons for Jo of auld lang [TS]

  syne which is one of the 24 songs that [TS]

  gets played on that gets played onkyo IT [TS]

  and and you know the whole outline [TS]

  design by god morgon berg we're [TS]

  basically I've run into a national [TS]

  database side you mean yeah yeah yeah [TS]

  yeah yeah I run into my ex-girlfriend [TS]

  the story of my life is so much more [TS]

  awesome than hers and we had a drink in [TS]

  the car and I got to feel sad more [TS]

  Australian and we and like I actually [TS]

  either arm or something like that [TS]

  because this feels like you could be a [TS]

  really fertile genre but in some ways I [TS]

  feel like fairytale here is kind of the [TS]

  the incredibly cool persons version of [TS]

  that song i still love the song don't [TS]

  get me wrong i did i just see parallels [TS]

  a model Lisa thinks you're really cool [TS]

  idea [TS]

  clearly is true she thinks you're a [TS]

  poser is what you say also that I think [TS]

  Steve's point is he's not an angry drunk [TS]

  he's kind of a is kind of a [TS]

  light-hearted quarter on cool might be [TS]

  invited on podcast to talk about [TS]

  christmas music 70s uptight wife was a [TS]

  problem yeah but you to the Christmas [TS]

  Jeff that we were going with maybe it is [TS]

  Martha today off of John dead Martha is [TS]

  the boards are many the right spot on [TS]

  mabi alright it i mean this child has [TS]

  clearly stumbled onto some seriously [TS]

  kinky stuff Coney town and it's like [TS]

  David Lynch Christmas yeah i was [TS]

  thinking it could only be more [TS]

  disturbing if there were a fourth verse [TS]

  about dad standing behind the Christmas [TS]

  tree snapping Polaroids that I have a [TS]

  causal factor in our judge me this is [TS]

  the only way i could be jolly son [TS]

  his own father cuckolded by jolly old [TS]

  Saint Nick Merry Christmas everybody [TS]

  I i believe i believe the subtext is [TS]

  that Santa Claus is actually daddy in [TS]

  the address and yes it is it's no idea [TS]

  yeah you got it marked down to make a [TS]

  Bob Crane joke and wants you to make the [TS]

  president's travel [TS]

  yeah keep quiet Jimmy if you want to [TS]

  keep the train sets coming [TS]

  your mom's a real holds the lyric what a [TS]

  laugh it would have been if daddy hood [TS]

  home he's seen listen kid there is [TS]

  nothing funny about daddy be humiliated [TS]

  on Christmas Day ing hype jolly old elf [TS]

  unless he's working through some medical [TS]

  issues in which case is this is the best [TS]

  Christmas ever my father rifles being [TS]

  humiliated i believe it was Sophocles [TS]

  who wrote that on her head of us finds [TS]

  his Mommy Kissing Santa Claus and then [TS]

  blind Santa Claus no serious therapy [TS]

  something I've got that wrong [TS]

  wow haha I I have a theory that this [TS]

  song is actually being sung not by a [TS]

  little boy but my a middle-aged man no [TS]

  tears and mascara pouring down his face [TS]

  and he's singing to another man whose [TS]

  gagged and tied with you what's the [TS]

  connection [TS]

  how are you enjoying this podcast so far [TS]

  Jason Merry Christmas [TS]

  we're live on five by five tonight enjoy [TS]

  the later you're enjoying this text ya [TS]

  no no definitely not [TS]

  oh my gosh the best thing about this [TS]

  place at least is actually watching the [TS]

  YouTube video now my phone because they [TS]

  have poor John's buried under a pile of [TS]

  presence and it hit I feel like the [TS]

  visual sight gags that go along with [TS]

  that looking holla notes i feel like i [TS]

  am watching a person watching the human [TS]

  centipede as she watches this video was [TS]

  it take like six presence to bury John [TS]

  Oates and doesn't that's the saddest [TS]

  part of all is there like thin paperback [TS]

  books the matter of modern love Lisa oh [TS]

  my gosh and then you've got Terrell [TS]

  hallway [TS]

  what is with his pants up to write blows [TS]

  nipples and they're green [TS]

  oh my gosh Wow his nipples or green hey [TS]

  really nice to see a doctor about that [TS]

  one dressed like to sit and the perma [TS]

  smile [TS]

  where's yes Marty once read in one [TS]

  screen yes its fast o.o wow you've [TS]

  derailed me feel I'm not the 1w [TS]

  introduce the human centipede into this [TS]

  podcast but I feel like it's kind of the [TS]

  human centipede of Christmas carols [TS]

  I can't wait to hear how this goes i do [TS]

  have to point out that human centipede [TS]

  is one situation where you don't want [TS]

  anything to hurry down the chimney you [TS]

  know you know he was a baritone before [TS]

  he met Kevin Clash a young castrato [TS]

  named Elmo I was just three years of [TS]

  watching Elmo's World [TS]

  every morning the only thing every every [TS]

  morning when I was really c'mon we just [TS]

  go misty nudo the barrel goes in your [TS]

  mouth and NGOs return did not get in [TS]

  trouble for doing that they care stately [TS]

  we haven't reached that point in our [TS]

  life yet I have reached the point right [TS]

  I now say oh good elbows in this episode [TS]

  of sesame street [TS]

  oh okay well thank God almost here [TS]

  because everyone will quiet down because [TS]

  it's Elmo yeah but then the Stockholm [TS]

  Syndrome know how Jesus Christ it's the [TS]

  reason that although we all wait for [TS]

  that joke was that I go back to the [TS]

  human centipede show [TS]

  thatthat's the sequel going out today [TS]

  because it like covers all four seats [TS]

  are counting the year it's like [TS]

  everyone's I just called to say I love [TS]

  you [TS]

  yeah or Neil Sedaka his calendar girl [TS]

  and shudders through the podcast yeah [TS]

  you know I mean without cop to liking [TS]

  the song but I can also see where lots [TS]

  of people don't and that's perfectly [TS]

  fine i used to do when I did stand-up [TS]

  comedy I used to do a bit and I'm sorry [TS]

  to even bring this up i used to do a bit [TS]

  where was Neil Young would sing Neil [TS]

  Sedaka haha [TS]

  and so I had no young singing calendar [TS]

  girl and it is a miracle the audience [TS]

  did not rise as one Jeremy from limb to [TS]

  limb because that is just that's a [TS]

  terrible terrible bit future stand-up [TS]

  comics don't do that we are already been [TS]

  all my life comedy killer [TS]

  no well no but look there's even there [TS]

  even covers of Christmas wrapping for [TS]

  example the band save ferris actually [TS]

  did a Jewish version of Christmas [TS]

  wrapping where they talk about what it's [TS]

  like to be Jewish through the month of [TS]

  december and they said it to to that [TS]

  song instead it was and and to me that I [TS]

  don't miss is a lot haha but to me that [TS]

  means there's like a little bit of [TS]

  cultural resonance when people take the [TS]

  song and try to make it their own a [TS]

  retail areas like with Christmas shoes [TS]

  you don't see like christina aguilera [TS]

  trying to say yet [TS]

  NP just provided me the world's flat is [TS]

  locked haha that's frying in the pan [TS]

  nice and hot I vegas 10 boy also man [TS]

  here and bury my dad had was a name of [TS]

  that enable veteran have been a nuclear [TS]

  subs and Soviet waters and he went and [TS]

  then worked in military contracting as [TS]

  so many military veterans do so all of [TS]

  his pals are like former Army Rangers [TS]

  and Marines who had polished human [TS]

  skulls as i'm not i'm not making this up [TS]

  they used to have polished human skulls [TS]

  that they use like paper weights and and [TS]

  these are men who are generally of the [TS]

  viciously unscented military mind and [TS]

  apparently liked all of them had been [TS]

  reduced to tears by this song because [TS]

  our the Lord works in mysterious ways [TS]

  and and we [TS]

  reminders all the time to watch out for [TS]

  those that are more vulnerable than we [TS]

  are and my dad got so angry as he [TS]

  thought you said about left kostely and [TS]

  it's it's it's it's the most it's the [TS]

  most banal drink it's basically this own [TS]

  small towns we often lose track of each [TS]

  other in busy times we have to know [TS]

  what's really important and what's [TS]

  really important is apparently like [TS]

  regurgitating the path that you find [TS]

  inside of hallmark cards where the idea [TS]

  of providing for your family a secondary [TS]

  to appreciating your family and people [TS]

  die you have to find meaning in their [TS]

  debts and it's just too bad that they [TS]

  die but you know that's the way it is as [TS]

  long as you've learned something that's [TS]

  all good and it's just it's it's that [TS]

  values free morality where where the all [TS]

  I've learned something important it [TS]

  really makes you think and it's it's [TS]

  basically it's it's it's I I can't help [TS]

  but think the people who founded [TS]

  upworthy we're probably raised on these [TS]

  books he said we killed this child's [TS]

  mother at Christmastime wait till you [TS]

  see what happened next exit and it went [TS]

  from there [TS]

  wait till you see what Rob Lowe does [TS]

  next oh yeah no it's just it's awful and [TS]

  in the writings pedestrian and and I am [TS]

  I believe the books were based on the [TS]

  song and the movies were based on the [TS]

  books yes that's how it works oh ok [TS]

  alright so they're not novelizations of [TS]

  the movies [TS]

  no I'm not know if you can create movies [TS]

  like that out of thin air friend it [TS]

  clearly no I'm and apparently interview [TS]

  is hiring was like look the reason I did [TS]

  that Christmas shoes movies because sa [TS]

  ji has a really great insurance but you [TS]

  have to work so many hours a year in [TS]

  order to get the top-tier insurance and [TS]

  I wanted the insurance so i did the [TS]

  movie [TS]

  thanks Obama but I appreciate that he [TS]

  was like really upfront with look I just [TS]

  did this because I get really great [TS]

  ensure that but because you know who who [TS]

  can relate to how well you know the job [TS]

  sometimes but the benefits if there's a [TS]

  lot of killing that goes on in those [TS]

  Christmas shoot movies somebody's always [TS]

  dying someone is always don't like the [TS]

  body count is to the rough [TS]

  well that's what I want to see a [TS]

  christmas to is dying dying miserable [TS]

  people now every every Christmas song [TS]

  that doesn't feature good death is [TS]

  really a Christmas song wasted which i [TS]

  believe is why pattern so easy christmas [TS]

  and the Christmas shoes at the two [TS]

  greatest christmas songs ever written [TS]

  I watched die hard for your body count [TS]

  your action movie your Beethoven come to [TS]

  the party pal but but the mouse lived [TS]

  the Christmas it was the Christmas [TS]

  secrets that Chris helmet that is both [TS]

  very good to me as holiday happy [TS]

  Christmas secret starts with a [TS]

  struggling young single mother saving [TS]

  the life of an elderly woman who believe [TS]

  living like different shall be done [TS]

  someone has to die [TS]

  the dyson yeah although you know there's [TS]

  a war on Christmas alright and Donna's [TS]

  and later is the general city people [TS]

  into the into the artillery so what's [TS]

  really interesting is you like one on [TS]

  wikipedia go through and find [TS]

  exhaustively detailed biographies on [TS]

  almost every character in the DC and [TS]

  Marvel Universe you have an author who [TS]

  has managed to knock out over ten [TS]

  fictional books and all it is is donovan [TS]

  only areas in the American author of [TS]

  fiction primarily novels about Christmas [TS]

  like nobody on wikipedia wants to admit [TS]

  that they've read these books or have [TS]

  any idea what they're about [TS]

  of course it wasn't that sounds like I [TS]

  think we've got everything i think i [TS]

  think we I think we reveal some of the [TS]

  editorial biases of wikipedia no I think [TS]

  we have a in conquerable listener [TS]

  challenges if the lefty biography of [TS]

  time [TS]

  alright just please be and if you can do [TS]

  the bibliographies to please write up [TS]

  summaries for these book for the [TS]

  Christmas books they don't have to back [TS]

  great we just have to make sure the body [TS]

  count is is well again is listed in each [TS]

  one yes that needs to be accurate with [TS]

  community has standards yes [TS]

  so let's summarize here we have we have [TS]

  said terrible things about a wonderful [TS]

  holiday know we've said terrible things [TS]

  that people see about a wonderful [TS]

  holiday there's a difference you know [TS]

  honestly I was a little down on this [TS]

  holiday but now not so much because i [TS]

  heard that kid day so that happen no [TS]

  dyes in the second one his mom dies in [TS]

  the first one a different child dies in [TS]

  the second one in the third one mother [TS]

  is mo dad and the Christmas tree mark [TS]

  it's the kid live look at lives [TS]

  throughout he becomes a doctor p would [TS]

  if it ends happily he leaves a trail of [TS]

  bodies wherever he goes he's not a very [TS]

  good doctor now [TS]

  yeah he spent a lot of time in a [TS]

  hospital as a kid so we just feels [TS]

  comfortable there and then he joined the [TS]

  circus [TS]

  sometimes you kind of killing things [TS]

  your life has enjoyed clowning as a [TS]

  child [TS]

  it's a shame the buttons a clown did not [TS]

  Bob did not really serious with himself [TS]

  with you yet i'll be home for christmas [TS]

  i'm on the run for murder but I'm on the [TS]

  lam [TS]

  would you like to stay for awhile film I [TS]

  think I need to go here have another [TS]

  glass [TS]

  no I put another log on the fire [TS]

  yeah my middle contracts are off the [TS]

  chart my pilot is waiting for me [TS]

  no honestly I'm not interested to sing [TS]

  us out tonight a very special musical [TS]

  number by Steve what's [TS]

  oh no that's what Christmas ready if I [TS]

  can play that at the end right now if ya [TS]

  you might want to throw in the after to [TS]

  hurt [TS]

  red [TS]

  press your route [TS]

  Michelle [TS]

  it's [TS]

  you want sure miss [TS]

  you [TS]

  sweater with sneads [TS]

  he was there [TS]

  Oh [TS]

  where we [TS]

  made [TS]

  lunch box whiskey one again [TS]

  son of self-love [TS]

  nothing but one Christmas stocking and [TS]

  you [TS]

  Marcus tried [TS]

  soon [TS]

  just and so I say [TS]

  where [TS]

  prison [TS]

  what god stop any sake [TS]

  some other guy running the show [TS]

  as you love [TS]

  in you [TS]

  the guy hanging his balls on your tree [TS]

  I [TS]

  drinks [TS]

  then someone must ask me [TS]

  shot God every guess was a he [TS]

  Nicki slip-on and me and him [TS]

  really [TS]

  just feel dirty [TS]

  speaking Spanish and so on [TS]

  were you friends [TS]