Roderick on the Line

Ep. 253: "A Worked Horse"

 

  [Music] [TS]

  hello no John hi Merlin how's it going [TS]

  good I'm sorry that I'm late you're [TS]

  pretty close pretty close but he's still [TS]

  late our listeners don't actually know [TS]

  when we started recording unless we tell [TS]

  them oh I see I see what you're saying [TS]

  but that's I appreciate the courtesy [TS]

  well I mean I know that you still it [TS]

  affects the show when I'm late or what [TS]

  time it is [TS]

  sure well I think it does affect the [TS]

  show on the long on the long haul [TS]

  if you feel like I can't reliably be in [TS]

  the chair hooked up with all the [TS]

  life-support systems [TS]

  plugged in yeah at the time that you [TS]

  have said through multiple based on your [TS]

  request this is the briar patch of your [TS]

  own design you know a little bit of the [TS]

  little lateness is just it's bad form [TS]

  it's bad form yeah and I want to be you [TS]

  know I want to be johnny-on-the-spot [TS]

  it's named after me oh no that's so much [TS]

  pressure it really is right I have [TS]

  relatively few things like that yeah [TS]

  like Merlin go to market or whatever you [TS]

  Merlin go to market strategy yeah that's [TS]

  what they say down in now sv as we call [TS]

  it down an old sv oh that's V we call it [TS]

  I learned an excellent new word today [TS]

  that I think might be useful to you yeah [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  there's a podcast I listen to it doesn't [TS]

  matter it's called no such thing as a [TS]

  fish and it's um these four researchers [TS]

  for a British quiz show called Qi and [TS]

  every week they come in and they take [TS]

  four topics and each one of them offers [TS]

  an interesting fact they discovered in [TS]

  the last week about that topic [TS]

  they look really good Twitter and I know [TS]

  you like word Twitter and so on their [TS]

  word Twitter today actually just a [TS]

  little big bit ago word of the day [TS]

  Nick Semoran Nick ephemeral you tell [TS]

  it's Greek because it's got a why mm-hmm [TS]

  I think I'm pronouncing that correctly [TS]

  Nick Thames Ron a period of 24 hours [TS]

  used to avoid confusion between day [TS]

  meaning daylight and day meaning 24 [TS]

  hours huh it's not pretty good so how so [TS]

  how would you deploy Nick them or not [TS]

  well I mean first of all you're gonna [TS]

  sound like kind of a douche if you say [TS]

  it cuz you're gonna sound like a guy who [TS]

  follows word Twitter but but I think [TS]

  that's you know it's fine this is one of [TS]

  those things you know eight words for [TS]

  snow type situation where we've got [TS]

  these words that are very easy to [TS]

  confuse oneself with or trip over yeah [TS]

  another example I don't want to derail [TS]

  the derail but another one is this week [TS]

  versus next week I think people use next [TS]

  weekend this week very differently i [TS]

  it's so funny that you say that because [TS]

  I am always tripping up this week next [TS]

  week is there a standard for that I it's [TS]

  it's crazy right I mean I have said in [TS]

  the past to you something that I think I [TS]

  probably picked up from John siracusa [TS]

  which is oh why is the USB thing so hard [TS]

  to tell what the top of it is and you [TS]

  always go noise you always don't respond [TS]

  because it's probably a trope in your in [TS]

  your world well I do I do know that I [TS]

  get it wrong over 50% of the time which [TS]

  seems improbable yeah and it seems like [TS]

  that it's be real easy to put like an X [TS]

  on it or something I saw a fox video [TS]

  that says you should make your marker [TS]

  and mark the top side with red on the [TS]

  dingus and then draw on your computer [TS]

  [Laughter] [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  but it does seem funny that doesn't come [TS]

  that way from the factory but I am [TS]

  constantly saying well alright let's get [TS]

  together next week next week on Monday [TS]

  let me give you another one because I [TS]

  think part of there's several problems [TS]

  here one of the problems is [TS]

  what people consider this and next some [TS]

  people I think next Tuesday means the [TS]

  next Tuesday that comes up and I think [TS]

  other people think that means the next [TS]

  Tuesday of a week starting on a given [TS]

  day so that's problem right one problem [TS]

  number two is I still don't think [TS]

  there's a cent on whether a week starts [TS]

  on Sunday or Monday or otherwise right [TS]

  so I write it's doubly confusing so if [TS]

  we're talking on Saturday [TS]

  well let's say you know just for fun [TS]

  let's say we're talking on Saturday and [TS]

  I say next Tuesday does that mean in [TS]

  three days yeah I think so [TS]

  but if you're talking about if you're on [TS]

  Monday and you say let's get together [TS]

  next Tuesday mm-hmm [TS]

  I think you mean the Tuesday in the [TS]

  following week because you would say [TS]

  this Tuesday about the one coming up [TS]

  right but I but as you say right this [TS]

  seems like something the language should [TS]

  have decided upon something we should [TS]

  have resolved maybe 500 years ago [TS]

  because it comes up all the time there [TS]

  just isn't a nick theory on about this [TS]

  where we can say like this is not thus [TS]

  it is not this Thursday but thus [TS]

  Thursday some further thus Thursday I [TS]

  kind of like it's this Thursday yeah UE [TS]

  and the way we make up for this is [TS]

  people like me add levels of precision [TS]

  that make some people roll their eyes [TS]

  mmm well I mean it depends on who I'm [TS]

  talking to you and that isn't that the [TS]

  point like when you're talking to [TS]

  somebody I mean it can be pretty crazy [TS]

  making to do business regularly with [TS]

  somebody who's in say the UK or Italy or [TS]

  something like that right well [TS]

  especially the UK given their culture so [TS]

  hard to do business with those people [TS]

  kochak the UM the the thing with that is [TS]

  though I mean you I think you develop [TS]

  you develop a shorthand with each other [TS]

  of learning how to sort of you know how [TS]

  what level of precision is needed right [TS]

  and [TS]

  I think the safest thing to assume and [TS]

  this is what I do as you as you may know [TS]

  what I do it's easy enough for us [TS]

  because we're in the same time zone [TS]

  usually but usually what I will do is [TS]

  when I propose something I include what [TS]

  I consider to be three important pieces [TS]

  of information when referring to a date [TS]

  which is a day of the week the date and [TS]

  the time in that person's time zone and [TS]

  then with my time zone in parentheses [TS]

  after it I'm trying to really bring the [TS]

  fight to them you really do a fantastic [TS]

  job and then even I mean we have had [TS]

  multiple conversations where I have said [TS]

  great let's talk tomorrow morning at [TS]

  8:00 and then I immediately get a [TS]

  calendar invitation for tomorrow which I [TS]

  as I assume you hate which is the which [TS]

  is amazing and also what it's confusing [TS]

  for me because I sometimes go in and [TS]

  make a calendar notification I'm so glad [TS]

  to hear that I did not know that and [TS]

  then yours arrives and then I have to [TS]

  because if I if I do not accept your [TS]

  calendar invitation I get a tersely [TS]

  worded tersely worded memo very quickly [TS]

  oh no that's not for me I don't say that [TS]

  no you say I just sent you a thing and [TS]

  you declined it I do another thing which [TS]

  is that now we're derailing the derail [TS]

  to the derail but it's also confusing [TS]

  because calendar apps suck and then you [TS]

  get these like mystery meat like [TS]

  reschedules or deletes and you're like [TS]

  I'm not sure what to do about that but [TS]

  you know I think it pays here's the [TS]

  problem is that I am wracked with [TS]

  anxiety and if I don't have a sense of [TS]

  what's on my calendar for the next week [TS]

  and let's be honest I don't do much [TS]

  right but like knowing what's on the [TS]

  calendar is all that keeps me from being [TS]

  up all night so I think those are great [TS]

  rock and roll lyrics - what's that [TS]

  knowing what's on the calendar keeps me [TS]

  from being awake at night that's pretty [TS]

  good I mean you can do that if you want [TS]

  it's a new it's a new kind of rock and [TS]

  roll I don't think that would have been [TS]

  a very good rolling scholars new rock [TS]

  yeah it's me it's a new rock it's [TS]

  opposed post post Rock doing business is [TS]

  hard first of all let's put that out [TS]

  especially the England with England it's [TS]

  bad what in Italy sometimes you have to [TS]

  stipulate what you know like what [TS]

  the power there is in 220 right and [TS]

  they're like whatever you need 222 it's [TS]

  casual ma but but yeah I I shared my [TS]

  calendar at one point with members of my [TS]

  family because it was can everyone was [TS]

  trying to make arrangements plans with [TS]

  me they odd things for me to do they [TS]

  kept being confused like win me you're [TS]

  out of town like well how come you [TS]

  didn't tell us what you were gonna you [TS]

  were out of town I'm your I'm your [TS]

  mother for instance and I would say oh [TS]

  sorry [TS]

  which is my you know go to the answer [TS]

  that's if you're gonna apologize that's [TS]

  a good answer [TS]

  so I started sharing my calendar like [TS]

  you know what my life's an open book go [TS]

  ahead everybody here's my calendar if [TS]

  you want to add things to it if you want [TS]

  to look at where I'm gonna be today fine [TS]

  fine I gotta hide not you but then you [TS]

  can't put things in your calendar you [TS]

  don't want everybody to see mm-hmm you [TS]

  can't be like oh I'm going to the [TS]

  bathhouse with a bunch of guys from the [TS]

  Third Army tomorrow and you know and [TS]

  we're gonna like go over our invasion [TS]

  plans you really need clean no II get [TS]

  that [TS]

  and so now I'm now things show up in my [TS]

  calendar I don't know where they come [TS]

  from [TS]

  did my mom put that there did my [TS]

  daughter's mother put that there did [TS]

  somebody I used to date put that there [TS]

  that I forgot to dis include from the [TS]

  calendar now hmm it's like you know [TS]

  Tuesday July 29th drive car off cliff [TS]

  into ocean rain right it's like what [TS]

  that there yeah so yeah so my calendar [TS]

  has become very confusing oh also a long [TS]

  time ago maybe you can help me with this [TS]

  oh I want to get back first of all or [TS]

  maybe later I'm not sure whether first [TS]

  of all or later [TS]

  oh no does your week start on Monday or [TS]

  Sunday I'm still working it out I'm just [TS]

  I think it starts on Monday I feel like [TS]

  that this is one where I have to yield [TS]

  to my perception of others where I think [TS]

  most people think of mine [TS]

  when the Week starts I think so mm-hmm [TS]

  sunday is the last day of the week I [TS]

  think mm-hmm [TS]

  so hard it would hard it'd be hard to [TS]

  deal with I don't know exactly why it [TS]

  would be hard but I think it would be [TS]

  nice to feel like I feel like maybe this [TS]

  is my Christianity showing that I think [TS]

  I was raised I mean I guess it's in the [TS]

  book but also just culturally was raised [TS]

  to think of Sunday as the first day of [TS]

  the week huh I don't know I have to go [TS]

  check my Genesis on that but like I feel [TS]

  like that was sort of the community [TS]

  standard in Cincinnati Ohio in my [TS]

  community in white oak anyway for like [TS]

  when the Week starts interesting you [TS]

  know I would think if you were an [TS]

  Orthodox Jewish person that that would [TS]

  make sense right because the Sabbath [TS]

  starts on Friday at sundown and ends at [TS]

  Saturday at so now what the hell why [TS]

  would Sunday be the end of the week [TS]

  right wouldn't Sunday be the first day [TS]

  right but but that's the scene that's [TS]

  Jude that's your Sunday to Sunday is [TS]

  Saturday right right right [TS]

  Friday to Saturday it's a little bit of [TS]

  a different it's like it's a it's a [TS]

  Koblenz or whatever they it's a nick [TS]

  they're on a theme Ron you get 15% off [TS]

  your week it's a big number on you can't [TS]

  you can't touch your microwave oven at [TS]

  last 24 hours you wash your hands before [TS]

  and after you pee yes it's not the day [TS]

  though because it's like it's the night [TS]

  before I help you can I just wrap up two [TS]

  things on Nick them eran quick okay cuz [TS]

  I am reading for my further scholarship [TS]

  on this which now is almost 14 minutes [TS]

  of scholarship on this yeah I think it [TS]

  is an English language problem I'll tell [TS]

  you why according to the internet [TS]

  science site it is the period of time [TS]

  that a calendar normally labels with a [TS]

  date although and this is the business I [TS]

  think this is where this might be useful [TS]

  for you although anacs themer on simply [TS]

  designates a time span that can start at [TS]

  any time [TS]

  not just midnight it's a moveable feast [TS]

  part one yeah if you go to bed at 2:00 [TS]

  a.m. every night happy earth Imran [TS]

  you're dealing with the nick them Iran [TS]

  not a day so section one in other [TS]

  languages some languages have a word for [TS]

  24 hours more more loosely a day plus a [TS]

  night [TS]

  in no particular order unlike a calendar [TS]

  date only the length is defined hmm with [TS]

  no particular start or end furthermore [TS]

  these words are considered basic and [TS]

  native to the languages below so unlike [TS]

  Nick Theron they are not associated with [TS]

  jargon you can sound like Nick thumb [TS]

  Iran in scheisse let's see if the [TS]

  Germans have won wow this is lots of you [TS]

  got Danish Swedish Iceland frisson North [TS]

  and West Frisian whatever that is [TS]

  Kanda who viens yeah good dog poor day [TS]

  they've got dog dog da Jie is a lot of [TS]

  them dog and dog or Latvian Lithuanian [TS]

  Russian Hebrew Hebrew Bulgarian Bengali [TS]

  Sanskrit Tamil polish Ukrainian so so [TS]

  many of those languages are Baltic Sea [TS]

  languages and I'm gonna I'm gonna make [TS]

  an exception for for Bulgarian it [TS]

  migrated down there some death metal [TS]

  countries have it too they all have dog [TS]

  well that's what I mean the Baltic okay [TS]

  not Balkan oh sorry Baltic Sea the north [TS]

  north part so that makes me feel [TS]

  like--that's yeah right some kind of [TS]

  some kind of death metal thing it's why [TS]

  these not many of these buek rain can be [TS]

  warm right most of these are cold [TS]

  countries now you create well I mean [TS]

  Ukraine but like the crane and Bulgaria [TS]

  both Slavic countries so the Slavs could [TS]

  easily that could just go down the river [TS]

  type of thing you know what I mean he he [TS]

  was a pretty warm country he brews a [TS]

  warm country that's that's confusing but [TS]

  they all they often go their own way and [TS]

  then what was the other one Bhutan there [TS]

  was one in the bengali bengali one of [TS]

  these kids is not like the other Bengali [TS]

  it's interesting that but that's got to [TS]

  be just something within their culture [TS]

  that they have a nick thinner on Nick's [TS]

  Imran yeah well I just want to give you [TS]

  something to think about this could be I [TS]

  think this is a kind of thought and time [TS]

  technology the idea of the Nick them Ron [TS]

  could be very useful to me [TS]

  well so this gets back to the other [TS]

  question that I had for you and that [TS]

  seems like seems like it falls into the [TS]

  category of there's an app for that [TS]

  okay solution making mmm I'm your boy [TS]

  that's in mind that's in my portfolio [TS]

  yeah but here's here's here's the deal [TS]

  so I I am a time geographer hmm [TS]

  right as we talk about historian but [TS]

  historian is sort of two too broad and [TS]

  and and and as be sort of like me is [TS]

  meaningless are culturally co-opted by [TS]

  everybody that for every by every guy [TS]

  that reads Civil War magazine which [TS]

  incidentally is an interesting magazine [TS]

  someone it's called States it's it's a [TS]

  Guns N'Roses fanzine okay knows Marvel [TS]

  could be anything no it's uh it's a [TS]

  magazine just like by and for old men [TS]

  who want to sit and refight the battles [TS]

  of the Civil War you know it also it's [TS]

  kind of like a a best in helmand stuff [TS]

  situation you know what it's called in [TS]

  the South Between the States magazine [TS]

  the city is at the river let's work this [TS]

  out it's the War of Northern Aggression [TS]

  [Laughter] [TS]

  but so as a time geographer right I'm [TS]

  always thinking about things in in terms [TS]

  of a time geography how did this you [TS]

  know what was happening simultaneous to [TS]

  this moment why how did this fit into a [TS]

  timeline of like a social timeline in [TS]

  this area and then in this wider area [TS]

  and in the wider area right like what's [TS]

  happening what's happening in this [TS]

  period that is affecting it that we're [TS]

  not examining because we're focused on [TS]

  the history of this time so you can't [TS]

  you can't have a history of Germany [TS]

  without having the time geography you [TS]

  gotta see which Germany and how Germany [TS]

  which Germany how Germany but what that [TS]

  fukk you know what's happening in [TS]

  Germany is not independent of what's [TS]

  what France is doing at any moment in [TS]

  its [TS]

  three and what's what France is doing is [TS]

  is do you know is is it's responding to [TS]

  what is happening socially in Paris at [TS]

  that time and what's happening socially [TS]

  in Paris at that time is is reaction [TS]

  reacting to what's happening in London [TS]

  at that time and so to not be able to to [TS]

  bring to bear kind of geographical [TS]

  knowledge of time but both like side to [TS]

  side like that but also also the depth [TS]

  of it right like what happened in 1740 [TS]

  is determined by what happened in 1710 [TS]

  and determines what happened in 1780 and [TS]

  so you know and so I'm always trying to [TS]

  construct things in my mental [TS]

  imagination but within four dimensions [TS]

  yes the fourth dimension is geography [TS]

  the fourth dimension time geography I [TS]

  think the fourth dimension is bust size [TS]

  the fifth bus the fourth dimension is [TS]

  bus size the fifth dimension is love the [TS]

  fifth dimension is hot-air balloon [TS]

  that's right away air Marilyn McCoo and [TS]

  Billy Davis jr. were in that ban what [TS]

  Marilyn McCoo you know when they hosted [TS]

  solid-gold she was on solid gold they [TS]

  got their start Marilyn McCoo and Billy [TS]

  Davis jr. if memory serves got their [TS]

  start in the fifth dimension they were [TS]

  in the fifth I need to look that up [TS]

  because now I feel bad that's wrong when [TS]

  I was a kid I studied the the LP cover [TS]

  of up up and away [TS]

  studied it over and over because they [TS]

  were writing in the bath dick the hot [TS]

  air balloon song I loved that when I was [TS]

  a kid well and all those harmonies uh-uh [TS]

  is this Jimmy Webb songs oh my god but [TS]

  so my question for you the reason my [TS]

  calendar is fucked up oh yeah sorry is [TS]

  that at a certain point I started using [TS]

  my calendar as a tool of time geography [TS]

  esting there's also a you know there's [TS]

  also a personal time geography and so [TS]

  important dates that I needed to that I [TS]

  needed to cattle [TS]

  and remember in relation to other dates [TS]

  I would go into the to the calendar and [TS]

  go back in time scroll Scroll scroll [TS]

  Scroll scroll Scroll and make calendar [TS]

  entries in this Apple calendar back [TS]

  belong before I started using it or [TS]

  before the you know like back in time [TS]

  and I filled it up and I didn't very [TS]

  effectively use the little I tried to [TS]

  use the little colors like everything in [TS]

  yellow is something that happened to the [TS]

  Marx Brothers okay you know like [TS]

  everything in green is what you know is [TS]

  what is on a timeline relating different [TS]

  guitar companies to one another and now [TS]

  I have like 50 calendars 48 of them are [TS]

  all things that are time geography [TS]

  calendars that I never I never look at [TS]

  or I don't smoke them and I can't really [TS]

  easily access all that data that I [TS]

  mistakenly put into this back when I [TS]

  couldn't think of a better option mm-hmm [TS]

  and so I have all this stuff back there [TS]

  I don't know how to get it out and if I [TS]

  did get it out I wouldn't know where to [TS]

  put it [TS]

  mm-hmm where it's a special tool that's [TS]

  not I'm not trying to make any meetings [TS]

  in it for next week I'm trying to look [TS]

  at the spread of history in a calendar [TS]

  hmm [TS]

  but that's like a like you can't you [TS]

  need you're right you need a different [TS]

  app you need a time geography app yeah [TS]

  that can combine the historical the [TS]

  public the private let's be honest the [TS]

  notional you're gonna merlion on there [TS]

  somewhere you're going to know about the [TS]

  you know the making of the ants and [TS]

  whatnot right make it dance right see [TS]

  all that stuff on a continuum and then [TS]

  like a really kind of a Minority Report [TS]

  like you wave your hands around you say [TS]

  okay you know move aside the Gandalf's [TS]

  and let me just see the Germans let's [TS]

  get the Gandalf sad I want to see the [TS]

  Germans you've seen that that famous [TS]

  graphic because it comes to me [TS]

  in the mail every year yeah the one [TS]

  about Napoleon's invasion of Russia [TS]

  probably the world's if not the first [TS]

  probably not the first but probably the [TS]

  most famous infographic in our age made [TS]

  famous by the Tufte books brilliant it's [TS]

  a brilliant way to illustrate several [TS]

  complex axes of information yeah an [TS]

  infographic right and and that's an [TS]

  example of a the visualization of time [TS]

  distance sighs right altogether and what [TS]

  I want is the ability to do that also [TS]

  sort of three dimensionally within both [TS]

  physical space and also notional space [TS]

  there's a lot to this because I have to [TS]

  tell you it wasn't until you described [TS]

  it this way that I realized I want this [TS]

  and so very much more because what I [TS]

  what I was yeah what I would like is [TS]

  certainly the ability to see things like [TS]

  where was i living [TS]

  when this album came out yes okay [TS]

  exactly okay if it's been this many [TS]

  years since ghostin machine came out [TS]

  what album came out that many years [TS]

  earlier than ghost in the machine [TS]

  without me having to go look it up I [TS]

  want to be able to spin my finger like [TS]

  it's a dial phone and have it just pop [TS]

  right up but you know what else I want I [TS]

  want to go way deeper I want to know I [TS]

  just changed the batteries and a whole [TS]

  bunch of things in my house and I want [TS]

  to be able to see how long my batteries [TS]

  last without it getting in the way of my [TS]

  roderick on the line recording I need [TS]

  depth I don't even know how John I don't [TS]

  know how many dimensions I'm gonna need [TS]

  but I want to be able to look at ants [TS]

  and triple-a batteries and see it all on [TS]

  the same continuum as Ukraine yes right [TS]

  and we've talked before about how in our [TS]

  mind in our minds by which I may be [TS]

  referring to my mind a group mind the [TS]

  the geography of a year takes on a [TS]

  certain shape right it turns right into [TS]

  it percent and then it zips along and [TS]

  then a double double double double and [TS]

  then it goes a little veer and you know [TS]

  and it all ends up looping but it's also [TS]

  not a loop it's a spiral right because [TS]

  don't end where you started you end at [TS]

  the beginning of the next year otherwise [TS]

  you'd be repeating the same year any kid [TS]

  will tell you that exactly and what do [TS]

  you do is it spiraling up isn't [TS]

  spiraling down is it a spirochete is it [TS]

  a spin as a spirogyra and so it's also [TS]

  spire it's not just spiraling it's not [TS]

  spiraling down it's spiraling forward [TS]

  and so how do you incorporate that like [TS]

  how do you also know what happened every [TS]

  July 3rd imagine if you could take the [TS]

  shape of the year which I think some of [TS]

  our listeners have been kind enough to [TS]

  draw they've done a wonderful great [TS]

  effect [TS]

  I don't just go listen to all the shows [TS]

  before but we talked about this that a [TS]

  year has a shape to it and John [TS]

  described it and I think I mostly agree [TS]

  but imagine if you had the actual shape [TS]

  of your actual year and it could pull up [TS]

  all of your data from all your devices [TS]

  from from from your dingus to your phone [TS]

  it pulls up all of that information and [TS]

  now guess what you get an overlay you [TS]

  can see an overlay of like the raw data [TS]

  curve over your curve but you could [TS]

  right so see it like if okay so tell me [TS]

  where I run into problems right tell me [TS]

  where I run out of gas yes tell me tell [TS]

  me why it is I keep thinking of uh you [TS]

  know I believe in miracles you sexy [TS]

  thing what does that keep coming up but [TS]

  also the Ukraine and ends you need a way [TS]

  to have all of that and the police let's [TS]

  be honest but you need a way to have all [TS]

  that but you don't want it to be so busy [TS]

  that you can't do a Tom Cruise gesture [TS]

  with your hands like this like you're [TS]

  like you're like you're a gynecologist [TS]

  you part them like curtains [TS]

  just show me Roderick on the line 9:00 [TS]

  a.m. Monday I was reading a thing the [TS]

  other day that said oh the television [TS]

  debut of the film mash happened on [TS]

  September 13 1974 and I said that's my [TS]

  sixth birthday get out on my sixth [TS]

  birthday that film mash debuted on [TS]

  television now that is absolutely [TS]

  useless to me because at six years old I [TS]

  was not conscious of the of mash [TS]

  debuting on TV but what the fuck was I [TS]

  doing on my sixth birthday now I have to [TS]

  go dig through my files I want to put [TS]

  that in context I want to say wait a man [TS]

  what was happening what was happening in [TS]

  Watergate [TS]

  September 13th nineteen it may be 90 [TS]

  degrees you go way deep you could say [TS]

  okay give me more in September 13th [TS]

  oh yeah 1985 Super Mario Brothers [TS]

  released in Japan for the NES obviously [TS]

  I wouldn't know about that [TS]

  interesting Mao Zedong's 1971 matzo dunk [TS]

  second in command and successor lianbao [TS]

  flees the People's Republic of China yes [TS]

  you want that but zip zap zip zap you do [TS]

  a little zip yeah right and now we're [TS]

  now we're just looking at 1974 but then [TS]

  also give me what happened give me the [TS]

  time geography of that date in 1974 what [TS]

  happened before that right right what's [TS]

  leading up you know what happened give [TS]

  me the I want to read the reviews the [TS]

  following morning in the newspaper of [TS]

  the television edit of the debut of mash [TS]

  because they must have taken a lot of [TS]

  stuff out but Hot Lips hot lips in the [TS]

  shower phoned and well they had to take [TS]

  that out band to take all day I wonder [TS]

  how much of the racism they took out who [TS]

  knows a lot of racism and just kind of [TS]

  casual sexual assault yeah so much [TS]

  sexual still is up there on all that you [TS]

  know usually on a Wikipedia page I I'll [TS]

  read the head headers and then I like to [TS]

  scroll down to the bottom and find the [TS]

  controversy section where you know it [TS]

  turns out because because you don't want [TS]

  to read a thing you don't want to get [TS]

  like 15 pages into a Wikipedia thing and [TS]

  then at the end there's like and all of [TS]

  his theories were discredited when it [TS]

  turned out that it was all a scheme you [TS]

  know was all a Ponzi scheme to like to [TS]

  to you know sell children into slavery [TS]

  or whatever you're like ah come on put [TS]

  that at the top so and I like to go down [TS]

  see how many divorces people have had [TS]

  you know it's important it it's it's all [TS]

  context and I go down in the in the mash [TS]

  the mash movie thing and it's just [TS]

  laudatory the whole way down there's no [TS]

  there's no thing at the bottom like [TS]

  critical reappraisal of the movie mash [TS]

  and I didn't want to go to a third [TS]

  source so never go with a hippie to a [TS]

  third source that's right so I decided [TS]

  that I just would take the popular [TS]

  opinion and just say oh that's one of [TS]

  the 200 great American [TS]

  Film Institute films of the film but but [TS]

  my birthday every year is an important [TS]

  it's an important flag planted in the [TS]

  sand because you're one year older than [TS]

  Tyler Perry exactly well and I think [TS]

  Will Smith was born the same right [TS]

  around the same time as me I think we [TS]

  are almost exactly it's not the same day [TS]

  where you go for that [TS]

  right well sure what was he doing he was [TS]

  in he was in South Philadelphia born and [TS]

  raised to sportsmen were born on your [TS]

  birthday I saw someone called Brad Brad [TS]

  Johnson there's an American football [TS]

  player great ball ball thrower or cat [TS]

  room and someone called Bernie Williams [TS]

  who is a Puerto Rican American baseball [TS]

  player and guitarist Bernie Williams I [TS]

  think I know Bernie Williams okay not [TS]

  personally but hmm but so you know when [TS]

  your birthday is and the problem with my [TS]

  birthday being in September I guess [TS]

  other people's birthdays are like this [TS]

  too but September you know there's a [TS]

  hard right turn in September in the year [TS]

  in geography yeah yeah so you're kind of [TS]

  standing there at a street corner right [TS]

  you're like my birthday my whole life [TS]

  has been a sort of Waiting for Godot [TS]

  park bench hmm you're watching the year [TS]

  turn school starts it's autumn it's a [TS]

  nice time but but also it's the 13th so [TS]

  school has already started you know it's [TS]

  sort of like in that place of like [TS]

  that's not it's not close enough to [TS]

  Halloween to feel like it's Halloween II [TS]

  it's not summer anymore even though it's [TS]

  sometimes warm so anyway there's this [TS]

  flag planted there in September that I [TS]

  can say like but I always this is [TS]

  another problem I always have to count [TS]

  it's always like Oh was I [TS]

  five or six like what year is it again [TS]

  train of thought the whole reason that [TS]

  you're really there it's gonna get lost [TS]

  because now you're having to do a bunch [TS]

  of maths was I mrs. Crist's class was is [TS]

  Lankford's class still apart [TS]

  it's Wincy this one miss we'll see about [TS]

  mrs. Philip art that was a good one it [TS]

  sounds like it sounds more like a [TS]

  command [TS]

  mmm she looked like a piper cephalic [TS]

  penguin hmm I'm with you go see what [TS]

  this is what there's got to be an app [TS]

  for this or a series of do you know what [TS]

  there's got to be a platform for this [TS]

  why has no one made this it does feel [TS]

  like a Minority Report style a like big [TS]

  wall of stuff that you do it ballet [TS]

  dance in front of it yes your data flows [TS]

  around you mm-hmm I don't want that but [TS]

  I do want this I'm sure a birthday not [TS]

  birthdate [TS]

  I share a birthday with I thought it was [TS]

  McLean Stevenson but now I don't see him [TS]

  rich little the Impressionists oh he was [TS]

  amazing he's a great Tina Turner um [TS]

  Bruce Paltrow pretty cool that's what [TS]

  I'm about roast and that's right that's [TS]

  right you know I thought there was more [TS]

  interesting people Oh an American porn [TS]

  actress called honey Wilder honey why [TS]

  are you Wilders her birth name let's [TS]

  find out here's now I'm going to look at [TS]

  this and I'm gonna get lost [TS]

  yeah down the porn star real name hole [TS]

  that should be yeah that should be in [TS]

  the app did you ever have well okay so I [TS]

  do here's what I want to put in the app [TS]

  where we were living at the time yes [TS]

  I've done this in Excel I have done this [TS]

  in Excel yes right but but it it's [TS]

  skewed like my mom was dating Bobby [TS]

  between somewhere in 74 - somewhere in [TS]

  77 I guess now I remember very [TS]

  distinctly when she was dating Bobby but [TS]

  not on a calendar because that was pre [TS]

  when I was conscious of calendars I just [TS]

  remember it amorphous ly yes but I want [TS]

  to put all of the significant dates of [TS]

  my mom dating Bobby in the early to mid [TS]

  70s [TS]

  you're probably remembering you're [TS]

  probably remembering it by association [TS]

  if you're able to remember this because [TS]

  of that and that is something you very [TS]

  much remember like you know the the [TS]

  Watergate hearings or something so you [TS]

  know that's yeah I did but you want [TS]

  somebody to do that for you not somebody [TS]

  you want some water tools you want a [TS]

  tool yeah one time I was running down [TS]

  the dock to run down to Bobby's boat [TS]

  mm-hmm [TS]

  and at some point I was crossing between [TS]

  a dock and a boat and my wallet which [TS]

  was a wallet with a horse on it hmm a [TS]

  you know a leather worked wallet with a [TS]

  with embossed horse yeah or yeah worked [TS]

  horse cuz this was before things were in [TS]

  boss somebody did this with a little [TS]

  leather stamping - Wow yeah the wallet [TS]

  had a zipper it was a zipper wallet with [TS]

  a horse on it and it had I can only [TS]

  imagine some very very important things [TS]

  that a seven-year-old would carry in his [TS]

  wallet the wallet slipped out of my [TS]

  pants pocket and plopped into the water [TS]

  Oh No and I stood and watched as my [TS]

  horse wallet because the horse was also [TS]

  painted white the head of the horse was [TS]

  painted white watched as it slowly sank [TS]

  into the deep and it was very hard to [TS]

  console me in moments like that you [TS]

  loved the objects in your life they have [TS]

  they have valence yes right and I'm you [TS]

  know I'm not a baller I don't I don't [TS]

  outwardly about my weight the W yeah [TS]

  right I am a baller without a W in [TS]

  Boston yeah but uh you're trying not I [TS]

  don't sit and and and rend my hair I [TS]

  don't you late mm-hmm I just sit there [TS]

  and you know and I plummet I slowly sink [TS]

  into the ocean with the wallet right and [TS]

  I'm a little little party you went down [TS]

  with that white horse I have remembered [TS]

  that wallet on that white horse my whole [TS]

  life and in fact in the 90s I wrote a [TS]

  song about it from my band at the time [TS]

  the bun family players cousin teaspoon [TS]

  no that came later teaspoon is about a [TS]

  teaspoon but also about a girl does [TS]

  about other throws I mean something [TS]

  different every time so I want to know [TS]

  when you know in the real world when on [TS]

  a calendar timeline did that happen when [TS]

  were we out on that on that dock it had [TS]

  my mom should be able to give me [TS]

  information that would [TS]

  allow me to at least put that had to [TS]

  have been summertime you're not going to [TS]

  go out on a boat you're not gonna lose [TS]

  your horse Walt in the winter so one of [TS]

  the summers one of the three summers [TS]

  that she was dating Bobby is your horse [TS]

  fall in the winter no that's like come [TS]

  on don't know when to walk away no [TS]

  winter and don't start a land war in [TS]

  Russia and don't think I'm very cold and [TS]

  he had extracurricular activities that's [TS]

  why you couldn't go so I want that I [TS]

  want that for some reason and but but [TS]

  you know my mom didn't start and end [TS]

  dating Bobby on a calendar and you know [TS]

  what what grade was I in and I had the [TS]

  things I have photographs and I would [TS]

  like to put those photographs into this [TS]

  tool and you slow the app you have will [TS]

  say like oh this is the date you put it [TS]

  on your computer here's the thing it [TS]

  would be nice to get granular down to [TS]

  the minute I would love it if it was [TS]

  very much granular to the hour or the [TS]

  day but you know what for the first cut [TS]

  at this platform I would be okay if you [TS]

  could just put everything that happened [TS]

  in all of history including my life [TS]

  within a given month that's a start a [TS]

  month you know what give me a month with [TS]

  heat maps give me a heat map month so I [TS]

  can see like oh this is this pulsing [TS]

  period around the time more or less than [TS]

  mom and Bobby broke up and a lot and I [TS]

  lost my horse wallet yes right right I [TS]

  mean I don't just agree you know I'm [TS]

  saying right like a view it's gonna take [TS]

  a while to get all this perfect you were [TS]

  probably going to have new metadata on [TS]

  life gonna go forward basis but based on [TS]

  what we've got historically and [TS]

  geographically you know and really let's [TS]

  be honest geologically let's put all of [TS]

  that into the mainframe and see what we [TS]

  can push out because I already have this [TS]

  data I have attempted to put this data [TS]

  into the Mac calendar into some kind of [TS]

  there's a Google the Google Maps has a [TS]

  has a feature where you can sort of plan [TS]

  trips because they build these things [TS]

  and they're like this is gonna be a tool [TS]

  for people to plan trips and I'm like I [TS]

  don't want to plan any trip I want to [TS]

  document past trips in a [TS]

  in space right I want to I want to draw [TS]

  them out but I also want to put other [TS]

  information in their right to describe [TS]

  what has already happened and and a lot [TS]

  of these programs you put something in [TS]

  and if it's not if the program itself [TS]

  doesn't have some reason to alert you to [TS]

  some upcoming thing it just has no it [TS]

  just sort of becomes a crinkly dry dead [TS]

  leaf on your computer where you're like [TS]

  oh that's right just didn't I put [TS]

  something in that once it's not she you [TS]

  don't want to see like however long it [TS]

  was like three months it's just a big [TS]

  long banner that says Europe right right [TS]

  right that's exactly right that's the [TS]

  worst kind of time geography and that's [TS]

  what I have right now and I have that in [TS]

  six different platforms and and you know [TS]

  my mom still remembers right like if I [TS]

  had if I had been able to really put [TS]

  pull this data when my dad was still [TS]

  alive I could go in with this [TS]

  architecture and I would say fill in [TS]

  some gaps here for me when was it [TS]

  exactly that you put wrapped your Jaguar [TS]

  around a tree mm-hm [TS]

  and my dad would say oh I don't know 49 [TS]

  and I would say well it could have been [TS]

  49 dad because he'd you didn't buy there [TS]

  weren't any trees in 49 they all started [TS]

  growing in the early 50s [TS]

  oh right right uh 59 well dad can you [TS]

  really not tell that it was between 49 [TS]

  and 59 like that's a that's a long scope [TS]

  he's like alright god damn it it was [TS]

  June of 56 I remember it like it was [TS]

  yesterday and then I would go oh alright [TS]

  so that now there's something weird [TS]

  about how why he doesn't want to tell me [TS]

  when this happened and meanwhile I'm [TS]

  putting this information in he's gonna [TS]

  lab a witness and now I can't now I got [TS]

  nothing like I asked my uncle Jack [TS]

  questions and uncle Jack's go-to answer [TS]

  and it's always been uncle jack says I [TS]

  don't remember and I don't know whether [TS]

  Uncle Jack remembers or not [TS]

  he just says he doesn't remember and I [TS]

  and I say Uncle Jack somebody's got to [TS]

  remember you're the only one that was [TS]

  there you're the last of the mohicans [TS]

  and he says he [TS]

  I just I don't remember and it's like as [TS]

  a time geographer I'm standing there [TS]

  with my with my quill pen and my [TS]

  parchment ready to put this down yep and [TS]

  it's like Uncle Jack [TS]

  I remember better than that like I can [TS]

  at least give you the following [TS]

  framework but my mom is still around she [TS]

  still is cute and I can say to her I can [TS]

  sit with her and work this stuff out and [TS]

  you know a lot of the a lot of the data [TS]

  we have about our family is the result [TS]

  of her grandmother doing genealogical [TS]

  research at a time when you had to write [TS]

  letters to the county purser of the [TS]

  neighboring County and that person would [TS]

  send you back some papers and you'd go [TS]

  to graveyards and wander around looking [TS]

  for headstones that had recognizable [TS]

  names and my mom's grandmother wrote a [TS]

  bunch of stuff in the back of the family [TS]

  by the antenna and that family Bible [TS]

  became the jumping-off point for a whole [TS]

  historic is history ography of our clam [TS]

  on that side thank God for it and now I [TS]

  want that in in six dimensions on my [TS]

  phone is that so much to ask I don't I [TS]

  don't I don't think it is [TS]

  you got you got more than adequate [TS]

  firepower on there it's just it's a [TS]

  question of will right and it's a [TS]

  question of somebody being willing to [TS]

  design this or or pull together five [TS]

  programs that already exist under an [TS]

  umbrella of a you know six the design a [TS]

  sixth element if you will like here's [TS]

  another question Merlin this is an [TS]

  interesting tech question is there a [TS]

  word for a pro computer program or an [TS]

  app which just is populated by other [TS]

  apps and that it's an over a pan Ober [TS]

  app that just takes the skill sets of [TS]

  five different apps that are all trying [TS]

  to do something that are all trying to [TS]

  make commerce because that's what apps [TS]

  are trying to do they're out there [TS]

  trying to make commerce like this one [TS]

  we'll get pizza delivered to your house [TS]

  in two minutes and this one over here is [TS]

  telling you you know the temperature in [TS]

  Jakarta and this uber app takes those [TS]

  five apps unbeknownst to them and [TS]

  combines them into an actual resource [TS]

  that is like doing some deeper thing is [TS]

  that a thing [TS]

  absolutely well think about this think [TS]

  about whatever app you use for your [TS]

  calendar really what you've got is some [TS]

  kind of uh you've signed in somewhere [TS]

  and it's pulling in that your same set [TS]

  of data from iCloud or Google Calendar [TS]

  or whatever you use it pulls that in and [TS]

  then there's you know features as to how [TS]

  it's displayed and what kinds of [TS]

  reminders you get but that raw [TS]

  information exists as a as a feed right [TS]

  yeah I think about stuff like with my I [TS]

  do lots of stuff with um what would you [TS]

  can see Word is like what do they call [TS]

  it self quantification or but basically [TS]

  like I can track my sleep I'm tracking [TS]

  my steps I'm tracking my weight and [TS]

  there are apps varieties of different [TS]

  apps that will on the one hand there are [TS]

  apps that will track that stuff like [TS]

  like this thing is saying how many steps [TS]

  I got and then this other app can pull [TS]

  that information in through an API and [TS]

  then now I get that in all these [TS]

  different places so yeah I mean there's [TS]

  no reason this can't exist there's [TS]

  probably some half-finished open-source [TS]

  version of this I think we need to get [TS]

  you on Syracuse on this they're gonna [TS]

  need a database structure for this that [TS]

  is very very sound and scalable because [TS]

  we need to think about the time [TS]

  geography that we don't know about yet [TS]

  right that's what people always plan for [TS]

  what we know how do we plan how would [TS]

  you even know you start planning for the [TS]

  future yes you plan for the future you [TS]

  know you go to war with the army you [TS]

  don't have no you go you go to war with [TS]

  the ugh with the army you can't predict [TS]

  what exists right you haven't even [TS]

  imagined the army you're gonna go come [TS]

  back on the Terra Cotta man we don't [TS]

  know there is almost no thing that [TS]

  happens or happened or will happen that [TS]

  I won't at some point or another wanna [TS]

  see in a calendar get all the metadata [TS]

  fixed up for all of that stuff when you [TS]

  look at your [TS]

  many steps did you take today bracelet [TS]

  yeah and you look at that when you pull [TS]

  it up on your on your phone or computer [TS]

  yes you I am assuming thrill to see it [TS]

  in time right you want to see like how I [TS]

  can be I can be walking and like as I'm [TS]

  taking steps I can see the step count [TS]

  going up on the on on the dingus but yes [TS]

  also on my phone but you want to see [TS]

  like how many steps did I take this week [TS]

  how does that compare to the week before [TS]

  the this week last year yes like [TS]

  everything you want to populate like you [TS]

  because you want to see it that way you [TS]

  want to see it that all I see it all and [TS]

  it matters and then you're like why did [TS]

  I why did I walk so much in June of last [TS]

  year [TS]

  Oh June of last year I bought a rabbit [TS]

  and I was chasing the rabbit all the [TS]

  time that explains that does that now [TS]

  where it tries to draw conclusions and [TS]

  says things like you walk more when it's [TS]

  sunny out or you sleep more when it's [TS]

  this time of year and stuff like that [TS]

  that goes I'm already like on this Grail [TS]

  quest believe me I am there with you I [TS]

  like I like that you walk more when it's [TS]

  sunny outside thank you computer [TS]

  yeah well some of them are pretty bad I [TS]

  mean some of the some of the conclusions [TS]

  it's trying a little too hard but it'll [TS]

  be like you know you weigh more when [TS]

  you're in Washington DC and it's like [TS]

  well I was just there one time like wow [TS]

  [Laughter] [TS]

  it looks like you're trying to write a [TS]

  letter do you need help [TS]

  this is already there there's missing [TS]

  parts that we got two pieces into this [TS]

  you got your data stuff over here and [TS]

  your metadata stuff and then you've got [TS]

  what the app does over here and they're [TS]

  obviously both are partly there but most [TS]

  of failing if I want to see when [TS]

  Christmas happened every year way to do [TS]

  that that data exists and I want to see [TS]

  that on a calendar with exactly one [TS]

  month based view that's not a problem [TS]

  so right there are always kids on the [TS]

  Letterman Show they can tell you what [TS]

  day of the week Christmas was at any any [TS]

  year in history yeah wouldn't it be [TS]

  handy really usually December 25th is [TS]

  the rule of thumb yeah but is that next [TS]

  Tuesday or [TS]

  next year last year this year right I'm [TS]

  getting really confused but no now the [TS]

  problem is failing in both ways on the [TS]

  one hand how you get all the ambient [TS]

  data that I don't think I need to care [TS]

  about over here normalized into a format [TS]

  where then we've got the app over here [TS]

  who can do stuff like make the heat maps [TS]

  and say like oh you get sat around this [TS]

  time of year because there's fewer [TS]

  bicycle rentals like tell me things I [TS]

  don't know show me mash in 1974 I think [TS]

  we need boat 2 fonts here sure and then [TS]

  this guy over here yeah right [TS]

  you got the stock to Arab what what's [TS]

  confusing to me now is that I also need [TS]

  some kind of measurement of my judgment [TS]

  oh boy [TS]

  because it's very hard within oneself I [TS]

  have found and have been studying [TS]

  recently to not see your judgement along [TS]

  somewhat of a constant line because you [TS]

  feel that there's constancy in your [TS]

  existence right I don't want to get to [TS]

  Kierkegaard but no no I think I think [TS]

  you're there this is this is this is the [TS]

  kind of arrogance and self-absorption [TS]

  that got us to where we are in yeah in [TS]

  the world today I think what there is [TS]

  this one self that is going this is why [TS]

  this is how we beat the Neanderthals so [TS]

  but you know that you are not constant [TS]

  and I know for a fact although I in many [TS]

  many ways M constant my judgment is may [TS]

  be measurably different mm-hmm [TS]

  maybe not I get a lot of I get a lot of [TS]

  evidence presented to me in story form [TS]

  by other people in my life previously on [TS]

  previously on John Roderick the [TS]

  following seems to be true this was a [TS]

  two-part episode [TS]

  uh-huh and now and the thing is I am NOT [TS]

  a person that is that you that you [TS]

  cannot depend on their reality being [TS]

  consistent right I'm not somebody that's [TS]

  like well wait a minute yesterday you [TS]

  said you said that you would never move [TS]

  to Paris and today you're saying that [TS]

  you're gonna move to Paris which is it [TS]

  Lenny I'm not that that is not what [TS]

  happens what what the anecdotal evidence [TS]

  that is sometimes presented to me by [TS]

  other people who are also unreliable and [TS]

  have an interest in the outcome its [TS]

  unreliability all the way down in all [TS]

  humans all the time uh-huh [TS]

  but you know I hear things like well [TS]

  since you started treating your bipolar [TS]

  condition with your medicine something [TS]

  is different about X and I and and my [TS]

  initial reaction is this is one of those [TS]

  situations where gives you person who is [TS]

  sharing the senator anecdote with me has [TS]

  looked at a photograph of Christmas in [TS]

  1976 so many times that you think you [TS]

  remember 1976 sure but what you're [TS]

  remembering is the photograph like I am [TS]

  I am not convinced that anyone else's [TS]

  anecdote is any clearer is any more [TS]

  clearly remembered than my own internal [TS]

  memory of it but I'm listening to people [TS]

  say this and I now would like some kind [TS]

  of Fitbit of judgment where the machine [TS]

  on the wrist is saying in September of [TS]

  last year you probably would not have [TS]

  had 14 coffees today and the September [TS]

  the year before oh it's an intelligent [TS]

  agent it's got its got like a soft soft [TS]

  kind of like what do you call it like a [TS]

  fuzzy logic to it you know this is more [TS]

  likely than that it's a quantum computer [TS]

  mm-hmm it's fuzzy action at a distance [TS]

  yes mm-hmm and so what I what I need to [TS]

  know is how different because I perceive [TS]

  myself to be different than I was five [TS]

  years ago [TS]

  I perceive it in many many many many [TS]

  ways but how different am I [TS]

  from five years ago not just in how many [TS]

  cups of coffee I typically drink but in [TS]

  these other ways that are measurable [TS]

  we're just not taking were just not [TS]

  collecting that data we weren't five [TS]

  years ago but now that we are collecting [TS]

  all this data and it's mostly being used [TS]

  to target us for Amazon Prime deals get [TS]

  a new model I want access to that data [TS]

  in order to measure my psychological [TS]

  process my psychological progress [TS]

  through a calendar progress and process [TS]

  you should see those on different axes [TS]

  and then you can make a Tom Cruise [TS]

  motion but here's the problem is like [TS]

  well I part of what you're describing is [TS]

  like I don't even know if your [TS]

  microscope is seeing the same microscope [TS]

  that I'm seeing like what you know is [TS]

  your read the same as mine it's white [TS]

  how do we know we're not living in a [TS]

  Giants thumbnail how would you even know [TS]

  how would you know how would I trust how [TS]

  can I trust your judgments about my [TS]

  judgments [TS]

  that's the tricky thing in human being [TS]

  right what if you what have you made you [TS]

  do that what if you make the encoding [TS]

  error and not me [TS]

  this happens all the time somebody says [TS]

  you're them you're different and you say [TS]

  I'm not different you're you're [TS]

  remembering wrong or it's you that's [TS]

  different you're a judgmental asshole [TS]

  who offers opinions without the rest and [TS]

  because there's no like because we don't [TS]

  yet have drones shaped like mosquitoes [TS]

  that are flying around recording [TS]

  everything and are there for us to say [TS]

  drone replay that conversation from 11 [TS]

  minutes ago see see you did say it and [TS]

  then the other person goes fake news and [TS]

  then you're way back to the start [TS]

  because their drone has snapchat filter [TS]

  on it that makes everybody look like a [TS]

  deer no it's super cute and then they [TS]

  play back reality and they're like Dave [TS]

  Instagram their memories and now [TS]

  everything looks like it was shot in a [TS]

  sewer in 1992 right right right [TS]

  well this is the thing like I think [TS]

  we've talked about before maybe this was [TS]

  just something that maybe this is just [TS]

  pillow talk that I've shared stuff with [TS]

  lady friends but there will be obviously [TS]

  a moment in the very near future where [TS]

  as part of our of our ongoing sort of [TS]

  cultural sense that your wreath at my [TS]

  reality is equal to the your reality [TS]

  then not then there is and it's not [TS]

  important that anybody be pursuing an [TS]

  actual reality lived experience lived [TS]

  experience that it will it will turn out [TS]

  that I wanted I am a deer in my reality [TS]

  and I also expect you as my friend to [TS]

  have me as a deer in your reality oh it [TS]

  becomes like a second life type [TS]

  situation or an avatar yeah it's an [TS]

  identity thing where a deer and you are [TS]

  the headlights you're in the magnet and [TS]

  I am steal anything [TS]

  and if you are a friend of mine or or a [TS]

  respectful person you're going to have [TS]

  me you're gonna see me as a deer in your [TS]

  heads-up display I get it it's gonna be [TS]

  but but but then somebody somebody else [TS]

  goes oh no I don't see species that's [TS]

  right [TS]

  I refuse to see you as a deer lynnium I [TS]

  don't see species or yeah right or or [TS]

  yeah it's gonna be this kind of like I'm [TS]

  a libertarian so I refuse to see people [TS]

  other than as they actually appear in [TS]

  corporeal space right they're always a [TS]

  pug or they're always yeah we're right [TS]

  right all right I refuse to see anybody [TS]

  except colorized as a plastic GI Joe and [TS]

  then over here there's gonna be a [TS]

  culture of people that are like I always [TS]

  when I accept a friend request from [TS]

  someone as they are standing in front of [TS]

  me and we're both looking at each other [TS]

  in a are yes I'm always going to accept [TS]

  their friend requests in the terms that [TS]

  they are dictating which is like in my [TS]

  in my AR world [TS]

  right I have flowers pouring out of my [TS]

  ears I get it okay and you have to maybe [TS]

  you have to negotiate this a little bit [TS]

  in a respectful way you meet somebody [TS]

  who says you know whatever I don't care [TS]

  you can draw a mustache on my avatar I [TS]

  don't care another person says I am dear [TS]

  I am always dear right that says I'm a [TS]

  barely visible gas right and another [TS]

  person is like a cosplay cool cat and [TS]

  you have to respect that because that's [TS]

  cosplay cool cat [TS]

  well on you and you there's absolutely [TS]

  gonna be a thing where you can set your [TS]

  settings in your actual AR existence [TS]

  where you're like I'm not gonna interact [TS]

  with anybody you can't add me you can't [TS]

  add me as deer right you could not [TS]

  accept the deer request and then you [TS]

  have to agree to apply these terms and [TS]

  conditions I'll always be a deer right [TS]

  and and I'm not gonna interact with [TS]

  anybody in the world that doesn't [TS]

  acknowledge me as a deer first and [TS]

  foremost but then what do you do when [TS]

  you walk into the fudge shop and you say [TS]

  I'd like to order three pieces of fudge [TS]

  and the person behind the cash register [TS]

  refuses to see you as a deer oh I see [TS]

  what you're saying it's like a wedding [TS]

  cake type situation we're not gonna make [TS]

  that I don't I don't I don't I don't [TS]

  make fudge for deer and we write fudge [TS]

  for furries but you're not gonna be able [TS]

  to get a job places unless you get a [TS]

  chip you got to get the fresh chip you [TS]

  got to get a new chip and maybe [TS]

  everybody there's a cartoon horse Percy [TS]

  small right and the workhorse like a [TS]

  white horse they're gonna be or a white [TS]

  horse on a wallet mm-hmm and then their [TS]

  communities of people up in Montana who [TS]

  are ORS in there AR goggles are holding [TS]

  each other as green army men because [TS]

  that's that's you know they're people [TS]

  are gonna then be selecting communities [TS]

  based on how to what degree you accept [TS]

  another person's reality as as your [TS]

  reality when it's in when you're [TS]

  interacting with them and if you were [TS]

  for example as a family a clan as a [TS]

  group you were to go and take over a [TS]

  virtual national park in Oregon you [TS]

  could you could and probably should [TS]

  dictate the terms of the avatar if [TS]

  you're gonna show this on Facebook live [TS]

  you have to show me as the avatar that I [TS]

  that I am in virtual virtual Oregon [TS]

  right that's the thing to do there are [TS]

  gonna be people whose lives are [TS]

  amazingly rich in the sense that they [TS]

  accept everyone's identity as that [TS]

  person prefers so they're gonna be [TS]

  walking down the street and here's gonna [TS]

  be a name orphis gasps and here's gonna [TS]

  be still a submarine right I mean it's [TS]

  gonna be whatever somebody offers up you [TS]

  just you just take it like if somebody [TS]

  says I am a 16-foot tall anvil with tiny [TS]

  little feet that's gonna be who you're [TS]

  dealing with [TS]

  right it's gonna be you're gonna be [TS]

  living in comic-con all the time what [TS]

  sells pretty great and actually I wonder [TS]

  if I'm always trying to think like I [TS]

  don't want to go to comic-con as spy [TS]

  versus spy cuz people have already [TS]

  already done that but has there ever [TS]

  been a blue meanie I bet there has but [TS]

  if there hasn't been a blue meanie I [TS]

  want to be a blue mean this is your live [TS]

  blue meanie well sure I want to be [TS]

  called blue meanie when I'm dressed as a [TS]

  blue meanie but mister me was my father [TS]

  but that is going to make it berry [TS]

  that's gonna make it very very [TS]

  additionally difficult to agree upon a [TS]

  shared reality because you know like in [TS]

  Deer land in in amorphous gas land some [TS]

  things are simply not possible and if [TS]

  those things happened that's less [TS]

  important than whether or not they're [TS]

  possible in the other reality right it's [TS]

  not possible that a deer would eat a [TS]

  beef beef isn't on a deer diet all right [TS]

  but if this deer ate a beef that deer [TS]

  has is looking at that looking at the [TS]

  beef through their AR lenses as as waves [TS]

  of grain and here's to tell you that [TS]

  just because you're a deer you can't [TS]

  marry a cartoon animal with tiny feet [TS]

  know you know right it depends on the [TS]

  community the community standards right [TS]

  somebody is gonna be out there in [TS]

  Montana telling you you can't do that [TS]

  and they're on the wrong side of this is [TS]

  a huge wrinkle and this might be what [TS]

  we're already talking about cuz I'm not [TS]

  sure but I think one huge wrinkle to [TS]

  this is how will this be recorded as [TS]

  time geography what this new level it [TS]

  used to be that like whatever meat bag [TS]

  you had was the meat bag you got right [TS]

  and you don't get upset but like what [TS]

  happens when sometimes you're a deer [TS]

  other times you're an anvil and [TS]

  sometimes you're any morphus gasps how [TS]

  does that get recorded by the apps well [TS]

  so now right like one of the major [TS]

  selling points of snapchat was that [TS]

  they're not recording it and all this is [TS]

  fun mm-hmm and you're just over there [TS]

  having fun sending each other dick pics [TS]

  or whatever used to happen on snapchat [TS]

  before it became a publicly traded [TS]

  company and I think that was the appeal [TS]

  too because people would ask me all [TS]

  too because people would ask me all [TS]

  time what is the appeal of snapchat why [TS]

  is that because you know I'm obviously a [TS]

  tech pundit and I would say I think the [TS]

  appeal of it is that certainly when I [TS]

  was young like between the ages of 16 [TS]

  and 26 there are five extant photographs [TS]

  of me that I know about and they are in [TS]

  a shoebox now there are probably 15 [TS]

  other photographs of me where I am in [TS]

  the background of a photo it taken but [TS]

  of two other people and that's in [TS]

  someone else's shoebox but if I want to [TS]

  see what I look like at age 24 I do not [TS]

  have many options you have to interpret [TS]

  lay triangulate simulate but the problem [TS]

  is I you know I looked awful throughout [TS]

  that period and I looked awful in a [TS]

  thousand different ways so there's no [TS]

  way to say okay I want to see drunk and [TS]

  high John Wright in September no beard [TS]

  of nine year dream cut the by six months [TS]

  right and I remember it very well right [TS]

  I would never like this is your [TS]

  liability is you didn't you don't black [TS]

  out [TS]

  I don't black out yeah and so it's like [TS]

  I was dating a bike messenger there was [TS]

  that guy that came around the comet [TS]

  tavern for about a week talking about [TS]

  how we were gonna open up a jazz cafe [TS]

  and it was going to transform the world [TS]

  because hip-hop and jazz and freedom us [TS]

  and art was just the one in the bus [TS]

  station that was the one at the bus [TS]

  station see I don't just scrub back and [TS]

  watch a little bit of that and and now [TS]

  if I was if this was happening now [TS]

  there'd be 550 thousand photographs of [TS]

  me working the door at the bus station [TS]

  jazz hip hop cafe as it stands if there [TS]

  is a photograph of me doing that it's I [TS]

  don't own it it's in the background of [TS]

  somebody else's in somebody else's shoe [TS]

  box yeah but you're the deer in someone [TS]

  else's selfie that's right mm-hmm but I [TS]

  think the I think snapchat offered [TS]

  contemporary contemporary people the [TS]

  option of having the fun of that [TS]

  photograph but not having it in your [TS]

  shoebox forever the problem is that [TS]

  snapchat already I feel is sort of being [TS]

  marginalized right like Instagram came [TS]

  in and was like oh we can steal [TS]

  your ideas except for wool well we'll [TS]

  keep it and it'll last that's what [TS]

  happened right instinct Instagram took [TS]

  some ideas from snapchat I'm not on [TS]

  either one so forgive me but the [TS]

  Instagram came in and swooped in and [TS]

  took some of the uniquely snapchat e [TS]

  ideas and basically took it lock stock [TS]

  and barrel and made it part of Instagram [TS]

  is that right it made a part of [TS]

  Instagram and then you get the stories [TS]

  you get stuff like that right stories [TS]

  like disappear after a while and they're [TS]

  kind of hard like oh I'd like to rewatch [TS]

  that it was only two seconds long it [TS]

  just breaks my brain yes I don't know if [TS]

  you can watch it but some but we're not [TS]

  promising that it doesn't exist [TS]

  somewhere on our servers but somewhere [TS]

  in the in the near future all of these [TS]

  interactions between a deer and an [TS]

  amorphous gas and an anvil with two [TS]

  small feet yeah are that's all going to [TS]

  be kept by Jeff Bezos in a salty the [TS]

  opposite of snapchat I want retroactive [TS]

  reverse snapchat I with everything that [TS]

  anvil has ever done from the moment that [TS]

  it decided that it's lived experience [TS]

  was an anvil with tiny feet I want to be [TS]

  there for that I would I would scrub [TS]

  past that Christmas at the anvil house [TS]

  that would be so sweet but instead we're [TS]

  putting our resources into doing the [TS]

  opposite which is to taking a picture of [TS]

  nothing and then making it go away I [TS]

  don't want to sound anti millennium I [TS]

  love these people I think they're gonna [TS]

  build our future you know give them hope [TS]

  let them lead the way [TS]

  sure like we've got to stop destroying [TS]

  the unimportant things and then [TS]

  remembering remembering all of the [TS]

  unimportant things that is the ephemera [TS]

  where were lousy with it we're swimming [TS]

  in an ocean of ephemera but we can't [TS]

  even touch it [TS]

  even with our little hubs can't touch [TS]

  there's so much ephemera that's just [TS]

  right there you know it's right there [TS]

  you just cost there's probably one [TS]

  person from the hip hop jazz alcohol [TS]

  club that like you can just almost time [TS]

  to remember somebody from the newsstand [TS]

  who used to come in play reggae was that [TS]

  it well yeah I mean at the newsstand but [TS]

  you know the jazz club is where I met [TS]

  Reggie Watts now Reggie Watts lives in a [TS]

  in a in a separate reality Reggie Watts [TS]

  is reality and mine are only anymore [TS]

  tangentially connected by virtue of us [TS]

  both occupying a similar sort of like [TS]

  weird minor celebrities even still know [TS]

  that you're he's your nemesis does he [TS]

  even know that anymore [TS]

  I don't think I'm not the thing is the [TS]

  last several times I've seen him here [TS]

  been in a hope mobile I know I don't I [TS]

  don't feel like this is talking out of [TS]

  school to say that he has been in a vape [TS]

  cloud that excludes other people [TS]

  does he bust a sick vape it'd be [TS]

  probably busts the sickest things Reggie [TS]

  Watts busts the sickest vape for a long [TS]

  time he but he busted sick vapes back [TS]

  before vapes and now that there vapes [TS]

  any cigarettes here we're talking about [TS]

  like little r2d2 r2d2 dildo with a sick [TS]

  like a raspberry vape for sure and [TS]

  Reggie knew that he was my nemesis when [TS]

  he and I were dating the same person [TS]

  subsequently mm oh so we so he so we [TS]

  were nemec's in the sense of like we [TS]

  would run into each other and there [TS]

  would be a little bit of like are we [TS]

  cool yeah can I ask who came first as [TS]

  part of me let me rephrase that [TS]

  yeah um can I ask what the order of [TS]

  partnering was so I was partners with [TS]

  someone who you know what I was early on [TS]

  in in her partnering life okay and then [TS]

  we split up and then somewhere along the [TS]

  way she and Reggie had a relationship I [TS]

  when I found out tried to discourage her [TS]

  because I had known him you know in [TS]

  other worlds in this jazz cafe' being a [TS]

  bit this was one of the worlds but also [TS]

  we had also met we were we were our Venn [TS]

  diagrams overlapped quite a bit although [TS]

  never at this never the center of the [TS]

  circle right we never came we never came [TS]

  we were never like let's go do let's go [TS]

  to a third location fellow him but my [TS]

  lady friend spoke very highly of him [TS]

  they parted amicably and then she and I [TS]

  came back together somewhere down the [TS]

  line in our timeline where it was like [TS]

  oh we've been apart for a couple of [TS]

  years but it turned out we're one of [TS]

  those couples that gets divorced in 74 [TS]

  yeah remarries in 76 and then gets [TS]

  divorced again in 79 that's a nice way [TS]

  to do it that's very symmetrical I like [TS]

  that yeah so we were you know each of us [TS]

  were married [TS]

  11 times but one but two of those 11 [TS]

  times were to each other this is the [TS]

  person I was married to the most right [TS]

  and so it was you know so there but [TS]

  there was a period there in the middle [TS]

  where he was dating her and he was like [TS]

  when we would see each other he would be [TS]

  tentative and a little bit like hey man [TS]

  is you know are we cool and then I was [TS]

  the one that was like we're cool what [TS]

  are you talking about of course [TS]

  everything's cool you know I'm not [TS]

  seeing her anymore I'm not one of those [TS]

  guys like yeah I'm happy for you [TS]

  you know but I wasn't you know and then [TS]

  you can't say that you can't say I'm not [TS]

  happy about it you have to be like yeah [TS]

  that's he said that's gonna be recorded [TS]

  forever people will be able to scrub [TS]

  back on that and this is a long time ago [TS]

  I was in my 20s I didn't have any sense [TS]

  of but then later on she and I are [TS]

  dating again like she's an iconic figure [TS]

  to in my life and then he is in the [TS]

  position of of having to say hey I'm [TS]

  happy for you but because I because I [TS]

  felt like this my relationship with her [TS]

  was the primary relationship mm-hmm I [TS]

  did not feel like I needed to say hey is [TS]

  this cool because I didn't I [TS]

  there was just an interregnum that [TS]

  included him I was the original The Rime [TS]

  animal Oh interesting and so I was like [TS]

  hey what's up oh yeah times have changed [TS]

  and then he was like oh I'm I'm cool [TS]

  you got him done he's done not you do [TS]

  this but he's doubting himself a little [TS]

  bit well you know though the one the one [TS]

  who asks are we cool is the one who [TS]

  thinks you may not be cool right and I [TS]

  didn't have to worry about whether or [TS]

  not we were cool they knew you know he's [TS]

  not my nemesis now no I got him couldn't [TS]

  be happier you know listen for [TS]

  everybody's success I am happy yes [TS]

  listen all I want is for people to [TS]

  thrive and be happy [TS]

  sure absolutely you know thrive [TS]

  is you know like I'm I'm thriving and [TS]

  crying right that I'm just wanting [TS]

  everybody to succeed on their own [TS]

  timeline I want them if they are dear I [TS]

  want them to beat here oh my gosh what a [TS]

  generous review you've you've developed [TS]

  I watched his TED talk and I thought it [TS]

  was kind of confusing I don't I didn't [TS]

  really understand what we watch yeah [TS]

  we've been watching some TED talks [TS]

  confusing you know very talented he's [TS]

  very talented he's extraordinary talent [TS]

  you think he's a victim of the vapor I [TS]

  think that they're I mean one of the [TS]

  things is you can say I am a deer I am [TS]

  an amorphous cloud of gas and you can [TS]

  also say I think that this chemical [TS]

  intoxicant really relaxes me and is [TS]

  great and it's better than alcohol and [TS]

  whatever it produces in me whatever [TS]

  however it makes my reality timeline [TS]

  into something other that's something [TS]

  that I would like you to click YES on [TS]

  okay Oh interesting please agree to [TS]

  these new terms right update to the [TS]

  terms and conditions you have to [TS]

  remember this as that's a good that's a [TS]

  really good question if you suddenly [TS]

  become a dear who vapes mmm-hmm I'm [TS]

  guessing you don't have the ability to [TS]

  retch can you retro actively change the [TS]

  record on that to where you always will [TS]

  have vaped well I thank you for that for [TS]

  that matter let's see you stop more [TS]

  importantly let's be honest you steer a [TS]

  deer who has stopped vaping mmm-hmm [TS]

  jus you is a racing history a racist way [TS]

  to put that what do you what do you call [TS]

  it if you say I am still a deer but I no [TS]

  longer vape please update accordingly [TS]

  click for terms of conditions please [TS]

  remember to Like and subscribe [TS]

  this is gonna be very difficult if you [TS]

  if you spend a large portion of your [TS]

  life [TS]

  as like I'm the vaping deer welcome in [TS]

  your importantly now your lived [TS]

  experiences you're like thinking about [TS]

  you and the alcohol god bless you like [TS]

  maybe you're maybe part of your lived [TS]

  experience an identity now becomes I'm [TS]

  the guy who used to vape oh well even [TS]

  better I'm the guy you used to vape but [TS]

  doesn't even talk about it that will [TS]

  absolutely be true and I don't I have [TS]

  never met a person who used to vape who [TS]

  doesn't want to talk about it [TS]

  that's just in the nature of that game [TS]

  used to think but like if there were if [TS]

  there were 15 years of you where your [TS]

  avatar was a little deer nose and big [TS]

  bloodshot eyes and like a tiny little [TS]

  vape sticking out of your little deer [TS]

  mouth she's so cute [TS]

  it's super cute the vape the vape device [TS]

  would also be scaled so if it was like a [TS]

  baby deer it would be having like a [TS]

  little tiny like a poop in your little [TS]

  voice would be changed but then you quit [TS]

  vaping so and as soon as you you think [TS]

  changing back to your anime icon from [TS]

  your deer who vapes you think that's [TS]

  gonna change history buddy well you will [TS]

  have that option well of course it does [TS]

  but that's the thing like now if you [TS]

  have a shoebox full of photographs and [TS]

  you're sitting around with big with big [TS]

  red blue bloodshot eyes and you look [TS]

  like whatever whatever that guy from [TS]

  4chan is good time best friend charlie [TS]

  or whatever he took me yeah he's like my [TS]

  mom said you can stay over charlie [TS]

  you're the best meme ever hmm but you [TS]

  can go back and warren and wipe it and [TS]

  say no now I work for Raytheon yeah you [TS]

  know and I am I am a very straight edged [TS]

  ear right and I'm gonna like back wipe [TS]

  but based on corporation I've never been [TS]

  a deer I haven't named Bezos has all of [TS]

  that in an assault line yeah and then [TS]

  it's gonna be a thing like well you can [TS]

  only wipe the vape off your dear face so [TS]

  far so it's kind of like torrents or [TS]

  blockchains I mean is there some way is [TS]

  it like it's like a Bitcoin like is [TS]

  there some way that there's a record [TS]

  that has to be verified across all the [TS]

  different clients because I mean I'm [TS]

  thinking like this you know what if [TS]

  somebody goes in I guess this will all [TS]

  be dealt with by John Syracuse and how [TS]

  he scales up this and he spins up the [TS]

  entire system like all that stuff out [TS]

  there somebody changes their icon that [TS]

  has to change everywhere does that retro [TS]

  actively change mash in in 1978 for well [TS]

  so Zuckerberg right now is sitting on [TS]

  his toadstool somewhere [TS]

  his little bong talking to Alice in [TS]

  Wonderland and right now Facebook and [TS]

  Instagram and these things are all [TS]

  trying to project it's all about how am [TS]

  I going to how are they going to sell [TS]

  ads and how are they gonna how are they [TS]

  collecting this data in order to predict [TS]

  when we're gonna need a new pool filter [TS]

  right so that so that you know if you [TS]

  like if you if you bought a pool filter [TS]

  people who bought pool filters all three [TS]

  more foolproof yes seven different kinds [TS]

  of filters I don't think that's what [TS]

  happened but okay so that's what they're [TS]

  trying to use that technology to do [TS]

  right predict what you're gonna buy next [TS]

  what they haven't figured out is that [TS]

  all of this what you know what how long [TS]

  has Zuckerberg been compiling history [TS]

  his history personal histories there's [TS]

  there's no way to know yet right but not [TS]

  that long right at ten years let's say [TS]

  when did fucking Facebook come on that's [TS]

  less than 10 years right that's [TS]

  something like that so let's say there [TS]

  let's say all these people in the data [TS]

  collection spheres are all nearing their [TS]

  10-year anniversary now they have 10 [TS]

  years of data on all of us Apple knows [TS]

  from our phones where we've been every [TS]

  day what are what cafes we go to where [TS]

  our mom lives Apple knows because [TS]

  they've been tracking and Google knows [TS]

  how many times we we put in like dear [TS]

  porn deer-in-the-headlights porn or [TS]

  whatever right and they're all using it [TS]

  the wrong way but that date is all there [TS]

  it's like photographs of us it's the [TS]

  it's the worst stuff that we're afraid [TS]

  of putting on Instagram but we're not [TS]

  conscious of it existing still and so [TS]

  you can you can clear your photo archive [TS]

  off of your Facebook page so nobody ever [TS]

  remembers you were married to Marty and [TS]

  you can say I was never married tomorrow [TS]

  man or you know what we don't talk about [TS]

  Marty anymore right but somewhere in the [TS]

  salt mines that are owned by Apple there [TS]

  is a chai [TS]

  throbbing red pin that says marty-mart [TS]

  even if you remove it they're still [TS]

  gonna be a Marty sized hole and [TS]

  everybody's blockchain that's right the [TS]

  North remembers the North remembers yeah [TS]

  so what what is that gonna be like with [TS]

  the 50 years of data and what about what [TS]

  what if what happens when everybody [TS]

  starts doing that I mean this is gonna [TS]

  get super confusing yeah yeah well and [TS]

  when everybody starts doing it it's all [TS]

  proprietary information but then certeza [TS]

  or future siracusa just like Issa after [TS]

  siracusa transitions to an amorphous gas [TS]

  right that Serkis is gonna build an [TS]

  overarching architecture that somehow [TS]

  data mines and strips all that data from [TS]

  all these companies that thinks it's [TS]

  bragging and combines it somewhere else [TS]

  somewhere out where the where the mean [TS]

  god is floating in a big chair on a [TS]

  meteorite he's talking to the lesser [TS]

  gods that are mad at each other when [TS]

  he's like a big meteor god but somehow [TS]

  still is like not a big enough god to [TS]

  not live in a meteor and the anvil with [TS]

  tiny feet walks into the Salt Mine it [TS]

  says clear the cache so maybe over here [TS]

  John Syracuse's that little boy Zelda [TS]

  from that game but then and these other [TS]

  ones there's been a mistake there's been [TS]

  a cache error the icon doesn't show up [TS]

  from there but then he becomes a deer [TS]

  with a vape pen and then how do you deal [TS]

  with that at scale and are you ready for [TS]

  this how do you record the glitch over [TS]

  time because that's still part of the [TS]

  bore Hayes timeline that still needs to [TS]

  be in there somewhere it can't just be a [TS]

  log entry oops [TS]

  we vaped a deer there's got to be a full [TS]

  record of that thing unless that's [TS]

  against somebody's personal ethos and [TS]

  their lived experience is as a deer in [TS]

  which case they should not even have [TS]

  errors but the problem the problem is [TS]

  there are throbbing red pins all over [TS]

  right and somebody coming missing data [TS]

  or a corrupt data what does it mean no [TS]

  throbbing red pin is like there's a pin [TS]

  right if you if you go to your [TS]

  daughter's school every day the pin on [TS]

  the map oh oh I see of your significant [TS]

  destination it's larger and larger and [TS]

  larger until it's like this is a major [TS]

  destination that this guy goes to every [TS]

  day so if I'm going to market Fried [TS]

  Chicken to him [TS]

  from the neighborhood gas station where [TS]

  he stops and gets fried chicken yes and [TS]

  if I'm gonna present an ad for this [TS]

  fried chicken to him as though he's [TS]

  never had it even though he has it every [TS]

  week I'm gonna remind him of this that [TS]

  pin is just a very big pin and if you [TS]

  say I'm my daughter doesn't go to that [TS]

  school anymore yes that pin stays on [TS]

  your mat can't unthread ten that's right [TS]

  it's there forever [TS]

  and somewhere in the somewhere in apples [TS]

  like time geography they're never gonna [TS]

  let you forget that that pin exists even [TS]

  if you never go there again apples gonna [TS]

  remember okay and you can't you can't [TS]

  forget it you can't undo that place and [TS]

  if an unscrupulous 11 teenth party gets [TS]

  in there and says huh and you and then [TS]

  your daughter says I'm a deer I never [TS]

  lived in Seattle I'm reinventing myself [TS]

  as a Parisian Inca for her right [TS]

  I'm morphus gas that lives in Paris to [TS]

  suffer in America right well yeah right [TS]

  I know I know it's serious somewhere in [TS]

  her history 150 years from now my [TS]

  great-granddaughter somebody at Apple [TS]

  has the story [TS]

  and you cannot run right you can't run [TS]

  from that somehow no matter how much you [TS]

  could virtually run if you're a deer [TS]

  yeah but but the throbbing is something [TS]

  that's out of your control right and you [TS]

  and so there's fake news and then [TS]

  there's fake news like this well that's [TS]

  what I'm wondering that's a good point [TS]

  do you feel a nearby hmm of course me do [TS]

  you know I don't want you to reveal the [TS]

  details of this but I think this might [TS]

  be fun I don't know if you know this I [TS]

  bet you'll really enjoy this hey let's [TS]

  go to settings alright settings I have [TS]

  low battery Merlin oh no it's alright [TS]

  it's alright I can deal with that I put [TS]

  it in low-power mode [TS]

  all right I mean to do that good for you [TS]

  yeah um drive-in settings I'll tell you [TS]

  well let's do this over I don't want [TS]

  this to educational you know big [TS]

  because I have because I have a special [TS]

  relationship with AT&T they may have [TS]

  disabled this function because I have a [TS]

  plan they don't want me to have oh god [TS]

  it's so they take away all the fun [TS]

  things in order to bully me away are you [TS]

  grandfathered in on the unlimited data [TS]

  I'm grandfathered in and even though I [TS]

  don't use it even though it's not a it's [TS]

  not actually a problem for them they're [TS]

  so mad about it and if they're like oh [TS]

  sorry we don't allow you to do that I [TS]

  was grandfathered and and I accidentally [TS]

  added tethering alright I did something [TS]

  where I was ready to pay more money for [TS]

  it they went up see [TS]

  oopsie-doopsie you're not grandfather [TS]

  anymore yeah some some terms of [TS]

  conditions may apply up that's right and [TS]

  you clicked accept and that means that [TS]

  you are fucked let's go down to privacy [TS]

  it's the dairy icon with the white hand [TS]

  that's also Saruman's actually sixteen [TS]

  rings a lot of people don't know that [TS]

  location services okay now if you don't [TS]

  have those turned on nothing works and [TS]

  everything yells at you oh I know I'm [TS]

  finally off uber it took a really long [TS]

  time I'm finally off uber now scroll all [TS]

  the way down all the way down right down [TS]

  advertising you see system services wait [TS]

  a minute so I go into locations go to [TS]

  the location services all right now [TS]

  scroll all the way down system services [TS]

  click on that yeah okay down to frequent [TS]

  locations ok frequent locations on click [TS]

  on that click on it oh ok [TS]

  isn't that kind of interesting so the [TS]

  first thing that comes up don't tell me [TS]

  to blah blah no but this is really this [TS]

  is really like confusing and wonderful [TS]

  because the first thing that comes up is [TS]

  Bremerton Washington really 13 locations [TS]

  that comes up before Seattle yeah 13 [TS]

  locations recorded [TS]

  between June and July but that makes no [TS]

  sense I've is this some is this like my [TS]

  computer that got stolen three years ago [TS]

  kind of it's basically this is they're [TS]

  saying here they allow your phone to [TS]

  learn places you frequently visit in [TS]

  order to improve useful location related [TS]

  information in maps calendar and more [TS]

  did you know that it was doing this I [TS]

  suspected it but yeah I don't mind it [TS]

  but it is it is kind of interesting so [TS]

  this is saying what is this even saying [TS]

  I'm trying to make sense of this coming [TS]

  up with some of these that I don't [TS]

  understand there's camping there's a [TS]

  process why the hell does it have [TS]

  anything to say about Bremerton this is [TS]

  an interesting twist how far we is [TS]

  Bremerton Pemberton is a ferry boat away [TS]

  it is so there are only well here's [TS]

  what's even additionally crazy there are [TS]

  only five things in my history okay [TS]

  Bremerton is at the top 13 locations [TS]

  recorded since June 25th I have been to [TS]

  Bremerton once okay since June 25th I [TS]

  guess I went over there at one point [TS]

  since since then one time they must [TS]

  think something very important is [TS]

  happening there would you did you live [TS]

  extra hard there did you have emotional [TS]

  experiences is there any is there any [TS]

  kind of metadata it might have picked up [TS]

  about your experience that said let's [TS]

  mark this and make a make a throb read [TS]

  don't say well so when I click on it now [TS]

  I'm looking at a map of the west coast [TS]

  of the United States mm-hmm and it has a [TS]

  big blue throbbing dot over Bremerton [TS]

  and then it has a blue dot over San [TS]

  Diego California and it says I'm [TS]

  scrolling down here and it's like three [TS]

  visits since June 25th and one of them [TS]

  then I switch on it and that there's [TS]

  like a blue dot over a Sherry's on [TS]

  Wheaton way in like silver Dale [TS]

  hmm and then there's I click on another [TS]

  dot and there's a blue dot over Peggy [TS]

  Washburn's fine art photography [TS]

  somewhere okay I don't know why I never [TS]

  went there I'm not sure what this is now [TS]

  there's a blue dot over a salad style on [TS]

  these streets there's no I don't live in [TS]

  a place with a B Street is there any [TS]

  chance that this is surfacing [TS]

  information you either don't remember or [TS]

  did not prioritize is it trying to tell [TS]

  you something about salad or photographs [TS]

  or fairies is there anything that you we [TS]

  as you look at this I'm not saying you [TS]

  blacked out because as we know you don't [TS]

  black out but like if you were a vaping [TS]

  deer and you looked at this what is this [TS]

  telling you is there anything is there [TS]

  anything to be gleaned about your matrix [TS]

  from this I did I went to comic-con it [TS]

  was it was super fun I walked around I [TS]

  bought some comic books mmm I talked to [TS]

  people about comic books I I had my [TS]

  usual comic-con experience which is that [TS]

  I didn't understand that happened a lot [TS]

  but you know that going in right I know [TS]

  what going in hmm I say like I'm going [TS]

  to this thing I do not understand I'm [TS]

  fine with that I no longer seek to [TS]

  understand frankly like I understand I [TS]

  understand enough I was walking through [TS]

  comic-con and there was an enormous [TS]

  scrum of people around a booth and there [TS]

  was a big big booth that hat was branded [TS]

  with the Warner Brothers logo and it was [TS]

  a two-story tall booth with a big curved [TS]

  staircase and the lights were very [TS]

  bright around it and you know this is [TS]

  you're going down the same hall that [TS]

  like over here there's a guy that looks [TS]

  like the guy from The Simpsons who sells [TS]

  comic books it's that guy sitting at a [TS]

  booth with a bunch of copies of you know [TS]

  like a bunch of cardboard boxes with [TS]

  like [TS]

  DC titles from the 60s and then two [TS]

  blocks down the comic-con highway [TS]

  there's this huge like experienced [TS]

  Warner Brothers and all of a sudden [TS]

  these people appear these security [TS]

  guards who are like this roads blocked [TS]

  this roads closed you have to go around [TS]

  it's like get that go around what are [TS]

  you even talking about we're just if you [TS]

  can't go around you crazy people I mean [TS]

  there's like there they are almost [TS]

  guaranteeing that there will be a [TS]

  stampede [TS]

  but I'm looking over this security guard [TS]

  and there are paparazzi who are holding [TS]

  their expensive cameras up above their [TS]

  heads you know the way they do that [TS]

  where they can't see what they're taking [TS]

  a picture of there's no scope shooting [TS]

  where they're like I'll get something [TS]

  I'll take enough these firing and their [TS]

  flashes are going off and there are [TS]

  there dozens of these crowded around and [TS]

  I'm like what is happening is Harrison [TS]

  Ford here right right and then you look [TS]

  and it's some sort of smiling young [TS]

  actor or actress from the latest WB show [TS]

  which is called like coat hanger and [TS]

  Tibbs it's probably same vein from coat [TS]

  hanger and Tibbs something right and [TS]

  fucking you know and the whole thing I'm [TS]

  trying to get over here to see if this [TS]

  person has any copies of Mad Magazine [TS]

  from the 70s right and I can't get [TS]

  through because because Zane from coat [TS]

  hanger Tibbs there for 11 10 minutes [TS]

  while they take the bait like this and [TS]

  say and they have that like plastered on [TS]

  smile and the big friendly wave and you [TS]

  know that they're held together some [TS]

  some makeup artist right behind the WB [TS]

  screen has taped their shit together and [TS]

  sprayed on enough stuff that they can [TS]

  stand out there for like 4 45 seconds [TS]

  and get their picture taken and look [TS]

  amazing and then they walk back in and [TS]

  it's like that's the photo-op [TS]

  I didn't seem like much longer than that [TS]

  because if it had been because the thing [TS]

  is those flashbulbs going off yeah it is [TS]

  you know the other people at comic-con [TS]

  are like summer night mosquitoes and [TS]

  those flashbulbs are like that weird [TS]

  electrocution machine and oh there's a [TS]

  flash bulbs equals important yeah saying [TS]

  from coat hanger and tips it might be [TS]

  saying it might be Harrison Ford in [TS]

  might be george RR martin and they just [TS]

  start to move toward the papa pile and [TS]

  that's why the security guards appear [TS]

  but the security guards it's funny in [TS]

  those situations right you know that [TS]

  those people who are local san diego-ins [TS]

  they are not invested they're not [TS]

  invested in the safety of Zain they do [TS]

  not care if he is overrun and murdered [TS]

  and his body is stripped and his limbs [TS]

  are eaten oh my they do not actually [TS]

  care about Zane they also do not care [TS]

  about you on the other side of the line [TS]

  they don't care whether you are trampled [TS]

  they don't care whether you survive this [TS]

  day they are employed to stand there as [TS]

  long as they can to say sorry and if [TS]

  anything happens if enough mosquitoes [TS]

  like push up against that screen and say [TS]

  I am dying to be electrocuted by this [TS]

  thing on a hot summer night yeah and [TS]

  they start to push these security guards [TS]

  will say I'm out right they're not good [TS]

  they're not risking their lives frozen [TS]

  and Zane frankly is just on the other [TS]

  side of a folding table covered with [TS]

  towels right like there's no real [TS]

  protection it's all just an agreed upon [TS]

  thing like okay here's a table there's [TS]

  table here so turning on essential norms [TS]

  right but it won't be long before at a [TS]

  comic-con somebody like the crowd [TS]

  resorts to cannibalism and insane is [TS]

  just a pile of bones I want to be there [TS]

  for that frankly they should start [TS]

  planning ahead I mean because if cutting [TS]

  or in tubes is gonna become the [TS]

  franchise that the WB really wants to [TS]

  become you should have somebody waiting [TS]

  in the wings [TS]

  do we still waste time saying the WB [TS]

  isn't there some like the CW now [TS]

  jumping about causing his a man was a [TS]

  man I can't I can't stop thinking about [TS]

  that vaping dear now if anybody wants [TS]

  you draw up an icon of a vaping dear I [TS]

  would be ok with that I would like the [TS]

  deer to be cute should the deer be [TS]

  slightly anime it's gotta be fucking [TS]

  cutie kidding me it's got to have and [TS]

  it's got to have lateral doe eyes it's [TS]

  got doe eyes it's got a little deer nose [TS]

  and probably is wearing a crown how can [TS]

  I have Rudolph nubs instead of full [TS]

  horns absolutely yeah [TS]

  and you know [TS]

  [Laughter] [TS]

  [Music] [TS]