Roderick on the Line

Ep. 254: "One of My Favorite Actresses"



  hello hi John hi Marilyn how's it going

  super good yeah me too

  oh good yeah pretty good good news you

  know it's nice to just have a normal day

  yeah yeah yeah yeah I slept pretty well

  Sunday night is usually my best night of

  sleep yeah I mean when I say I'm doing

  pretty good it's not today's not a

  normal day and I just I guess I slept

  sort of well no no well I mean that's as

  good as it gets for me these days really

  yeah but I have to leave after our

  program to go be on the radio

  ah the radio did the terrestrial radio

  not our modern radio oh we should talk

  more about things that you do you um you

  uh surprise that's the wrong word I'm

  frequently surprised I'm buoyed to see

  that you go in perform places I saw I

  saw a picture of you with long hair

  performing you played the Pledger song

  on the the brothers podcast you're still

  out there you're still getting stuff

  done oh you know you got to get stuff

  done Merlin if you don't get it done and

  how's it gonna get done it's gonna do

  this stuff yeah that's right what can I

  ask what kind of you know is it a KEXP

  is it a Luke Burbank it's a what kind of

  situation you got no none of the above

  is say it's a KUOW which is our local

  public radio station and they have a

  they have a culture panel where they get

  they sit around and discuss cultural

  moments they say relatively like a

  temper aeneas or like yeah yeah yeah

  okay all right yeah I mean it's a it's

  just filler it's filler which is well a

  98 percent of all content is oh my

  goodness really oh I think so about

  content yeah do you think most content

  is filler I really do think it's in

  substantial I think so

  sure I mean you know like is the Azalea

  let's say let's just say that for

  instance why do you want to know

  anything about is he as they Iggy Iggy


  she's so fancy she's fancy but do you do

  you want to know anything about her I

  had to learn a little bit about her I

  don't take you off your topic about her

  because I'm a fan of Charli XCX who's

  the lady who sings the good part of that

  one song oh sure the part where she's

  not acting like like a black person from

  New Orleans English which is which is a

  really good part of that song huh and

  then then I heard there was some kind of

  dust up about her bona fides I should

  add oh you were bad news was yeah with

  the bad-boy demeanor and yeah

  tattoos twos Nicki Minaj monster monster

  everybody knows so the thing is I don't

  know anything I don't think really I'm

  really up on the rap these days monster

  song it's a really good song when I see

  that hotline bling you got the guy who

  did the who did the the Marvin Gaye song

  that was I'm definitely not doing this

  with you know updates in rap what that

  comes up on your cultural panel what if

  you're expected to opine on the rap of

  the day well this is the danger for me

  now because since I'm not on Twitter I

  don't know what the of the day stuff is

  I didn't of the day thing on the

  television a couple of days ago what do

  you think about but it's up but it's all

  stuff that I wouldn't have encountered

  it anyway you know they'll hand you a

  piece of paper here at the King 5

  breakfast show and it said there's a

  there's a hotel for sale outside of Reno

  that's decorated 100% in clowns and you

  read the thing and you're like oh and

  then you get online and or you get on

  the TV with them and they're like what

  do you think about that and you know and

  people that are making pancakes or

  people that are like getting the kids

  off to school or whatever it is that

  people do that watch those shows yeah

  they're like law or the

  there's a football player who was jet

  skiing any and he crashed and he lost a

  hundred and fifty thousand dollar

  diamond earring what do we think about

  that boys got something to say about it

  John I don't know a lot about producing

  content but IIIi think those are as you

  say problematic yeah you don't start out

  with something that's already funny and

  then talk about it well the thing is

  public radio is gonna be a little bit

  it's you know it's not gonna be so the

  humor is not gonna be so broad right

  they're they're actually gonna say

  here's an interesting thing right let

  the state legislature of Oklahoma says X

  and then but you know it's not gonna

  actually be like it's not gonna be

  biting nice it's it's cultural gentle

  its gentle but that's one of the one of

  the many things I do Merlyn in or in

  order to get stuff done

  in order to to make content for people

  and to ultimately I guess to to be in

  the mix you gotta stay in the mix you

  follow the mix it's hard to get back in

  oh yeah you can't get out you can't get

  out of the mix and I'm like riding a

  bike mm-hmm if you cuz then the mix

  separates right and you can your sauce

  yeah make your sauce you don't want to

  break your sauce but this week is gonna

  be this week's gonna be a hot week for

  me because because it's a it's Seafarer

  week here in Seattle OC for a week is

  that like a Fleet Week type situation

  that's right oh really

  and I am be a king of the of the obscene

  fair because your military service

  because again they need some content

  certain number of cubic inches of

  content right and John can provide that

  he can come in whereas little doctor

  doctor whose suit and you come in and

  you provide some content we get a crown

  I have a crown this please

  Cromwell they're on the they're on my

  Instagram account Oh insta cuts right

  you're still in the Instagram

  oh yeah use Instagram crown sword I have

  a tunic and so what you get in a

  situation like this is get a lot of

  events I'm gonna welcome the Blue Angels

  to town oh my goodness oh my goodness

  you've got a sash I do this is

  outstanding I was at a parade I was in a

  big parade 150,000 people watch the

  parade tremendous parade it was a big

  parade and then so this week I go I have

  dinner on on the flagship the US Navy

  admiral Pacific Admiral flagship boat I

  shake Anza and kiss babies with the Blue

  Angels quite a few times a lot of a lot

  of events a lot of different category go

  to the largest Rotary meeting in the

  northwest which they have every year at

  this time too

  you know because the rotor is very

  involved Wow things some breakfast some

  dinners and then I watch the and oh and

  throughout all of this I'm doing

  ceremonial night ends oh my goodness you

  you were born for this role John well

  this is the thing this is the kind of

  content that that I am that I that I can

  freely give the City of Seattle because

  without a king wearing a sash and a

  sword all you have is a bunch of guys in

  Navy uniforms milling around and then

  some Chamber of Commerce types and some

  rotary types and you know that the usual

  suspects mm-hmm but then you throw then

  you can throw a guy in a sash in there

  and it's anybody's it's a buddy's game

  at that point well you know if you're

  gonna have a monarchy you should have a

  king otherwise she's gonna have a power

  vacuum well won't be a monarchy well in

  mmm-hmm the other day I was asked I'm

  sorry I'm kind of distract I don't look

  at Instagram but now I'm looking at your

  Instagram you have all kinds of photos

  on here you know that's right it's my

  picture that you

  the brothers there's you oh look at you

  look at you and a little little sweet

  baby brother and look at that yeah oh

  did you get your fill sandbag buck no


  you all set you a Catwoman a Catwoman

  and I were looking at some comics I was

  asking her some questions because she is

  running the she was running the the

  booth I was like hey I don't see in here

  what I'm looking for and she came over

  someone took a a candid photograph wait

  you looking for Oklahoma sex cat sex cat

  yeah yeah I wasn't looking for that but

  now that you remind me of Oklahoma the

  sex cat I'm you know I should add it I

  should add it to my list you should make

  an apple note oh there's your mom look

  at your mom oh so that they so like for

  instance the other day I think that when

  they asked me to be King Neptune they

  had in mind that they wanted Seafarer to

  be a little bit hipper than it's been

  last year the King Neptune was was a

  member of the Seattle Seahawks and and

  he had a fun time with it when he

  bothered but it was that that was their

  typical the typical mistake I think that

  that you make in a situation like this

  where you're like this is an this is an

  honorary position and we're gonna give

  it to an upstanding citizen and then you

  pick somebody that that is in your own


  you're a Chamber of Commerce the kind of

  organization you pick somebody from that

  world yeah it's impressive in that world

  like a Seahawk but that's not very fun

  you know what I mean like you go to a

  Rotary meeting with a guy that has been

  to a lot of rotary meetings it's very

  it's just like it's very internal and

  then you realize oh we're producing an

  event for the whole city but but we're

  doing the we're making the old mistake

  of just like it's a circle jerk hit him

  where they ain't you yes you want power

  but you obviously you want somebody who

  you know has respect for the service


  drawing power somebody who loves the

  city of Seattle and who isn't just

  coasting yeah I also think you probably

  want somebody who's a good sport

  you gotta be a good sport right but

  there's the version of being King

  Neptune good sport where you stand there

  gamely with your sash and your crown on

  and they hand you a piece of paper and

  they say read this and then we're gonna

  Knight this your fellow citizen and you

  gamely read it and everyone gamely

  applauds but then there's then you there

  the UM another option which is swing for

  the fences and in this year they said

  why don't we get why don't we try and

  make C fare a little bit more fun and

  they got they asked me to be king them

  too and it's hard for me to tell I I do

  know that I'm putting pressure on the

  organization by being a little too fun I

  don't know how much sting it's kind of a

  Footloose type situation where a little

  bit where they bring you in because they

  say this guy's a good sport he looks

  great in an outfit and a crown but now

  now it's a in the second act things are

  turning around a little bit and they're

  going oh it's this guy cuz it's got

  gonna be a pistol well a little bit of a

  pistol right so the Seafarer grand

  marshals of the parade who are it's

  another honorary position there are a

  lot of these I think the grand marshals

  of the parade and a couple of years ago

  one of the grand marshals was Duff

  McKagan my my good pal who is also a

  Seattle light a very vociferous

  supporter of Seattle

  that's just what is it it's an honorary

  thing they hand you a scepter you go I

  hereby commence the parade and you know

  it's but it's a fun thing it's a nice

  honor well this year last year they had

  Chris Pratt and an actress who everybody

  talks about very excitedly and who each

  time her name is mentioned I can't

  remember which one she is okay but one

  that everybody was excited to meet last

  year now I would be very excited to meet

  Chris Pratt because he's my favorite

  actress yeah he's a very good actor

  and I have to say just for what it's

  worth he's also seems like a good sport

  for good sport right and so it was very

  exciting so this year again they tried

  to maybe maybe they tried to duplicate

  their success yet last year so he

  brought along his lady friend and Anna

  Faris Anna Faris that's right and

  everybody's very excited about Hannah

  Ferris mm-hmm

  this year they got James woke and Billy

  Burke of the television show zoo Y which

  is on I don't know what the WB your CBS

  I don't know oh my goodness

  zoo better Marshalls so these are these

  actors and what they are is some actors

  from a thing that TV show like if it was

  if we were at comic-con Waterson to you

  yes oh we're about this I mean who knows

  ya know if it was nothing I've heard

  about there's a comic-con and I walked

  past these guys at a booth I would go

  sure of course but here they are and

  they're presented to me as like here are

  the grand marshals of the parade and you

  are meant to Knight them and then they

  commence the parade and it's all this

  thing this the it's a little bit of it

  some song and dance is what we're doing

  we're going slightly absolutely so here

  they come in the way I met this event

  and there some there are quite a few

  Admirals which is very exciting I met

  the commander of the Coast Guard for the

  Pacific region I met the the compare the

  Admiral of the Stennis Strike Force

  sleeps the aircraft carrier strike force

  another Admirals I made some I made some

  business with some animals you know I

  did a little look some walls with them

  another talk about game those guys have

  to be game because they do a lot of this

  type of thing anyway so up they walk in

  here comes Billy Burke who's a guy

  clearly my age but handsome Billy Billy

  Burke okay Lee Burke he was in the

  Twilight series Oh anyway he's wearing

  son I know this guy I thought Billy

  Burke was the good Queen and Wizard of

  Oz that's why that's the difference a

  different Billy Burke okay but he's

  wearing sunglasses he's got his hair is

  dirty hair up in a man bun he's wearing

  a Seahawks t-shirt a dirty unzipped

  hoodie and some shorts

  Annie and I'm like seriously that

  doesn't bring much gravitas visa V

  marshalling know somebody somebody told

  you that you were gonna be the grand

  marshal of a parade and you show up in

  your pajamas I was offended and so did

  you try to keep it in no I'm standing in

  front of this group of local dignitaries

  and I call him up and as they as they

  walked out my mom like Billy you didn't

  have to get dressed up all special for

  the parade

  and Billy Burke I don't then he put on a

  strange smile but I don't think he liked

  being roasted and then I said a few

  times as I was knighting him like you

  know Billy Billy made the special effort

  to roll out of bed to come be the grand

  marshal of Seattle's parade and I think

  we should honor him with this great

  honor oh my goodness and it's and the

  thing is I'm not being hostile I'm being

  funny it's fun Billy Burke

  fifty-year-olds grand marshal of a

  parade and he you know he should be able

  to take a little bit of this because he

  chose he chose that outfit not you yeah

  that's right cuz fuck you Billy and

  thing is James woke a younger man the

  star of the star of this TV show James

  work he showed up in a collared shirt

  with some pants now he didn't tuck his

  shirt in but he's a young person and he

  was loving it he was loving that Billy

  was getting raked over the coals so it

  was a little bit of a roasty situation

  is what happened huh now that is not

  what is I think typical of this event

  you unintentionally or maybe you made a

  little edgy I made a little some fun

  here we're gonna have a little fun and

  since since I established that tone then

  I knighted a couple of admirals and I

  gave them a little bit of the same kind

  of business like oh here is the Admiral

  of the Pacific Coast Guard fleet

  commander and I said is Alaska part of

  your area and he said no they're a

  separate group and I said oh so then

  you you have Montana and Idaho the two

  great coastal states some boy and he was

  mad and then I realized oh right the

  Missouri River the Snake River the

  Columbia River like the Coast Guard is

  also in the rivers okay and so then I

  you know so I corrected myself and I was

  like oh you also are all the waterways

  all the great waterways he and I made

  good friends the Admiral and I but you

  know a little bit but I think the people

  at seif they're the ones who have asked

  me to do this job are now hopping up and

  down not in anger but in anxiety because

  what is the king gonna say next kind of

  thing which is I think the exact kind of

  fun that they were hoping to have in

  just slightly smaller measure and so

  this is the this is the fun for me right

  this is a ceremonial position I'm not

  getting paid it's this is all

  interesting this is a old boy know what

  about Chris Pratt is he doing it for

  free everybody does this for free this

  Chris Pratt brought his family to

  Seattle and did this job for free yeah I

  mean you know I'm sure they put him up

  yeah but uh you should check that out

  that mmm that sounds a little bit like a

  jamup to me it's the type of thing that

  is I think it falls into the the sort of

  general community service aspect of

  being famous you get honored with these

  things and if you say yes there's no you

  know what does Seafarer gonna give give

  him five grand I mean that's not that's

  not something Chris Pratt's gonna put

  his family and I think me I don't know I

  don't know how much of this is image

  management but I've seen tons of

  delightful pictures of him visiting kids

  in hospitals and bringing them Lego and

  doing things in costume and he seems

  like kind of a Mitch like I don't know

  if that's aI don't know if that's like a

  rock the Dwayne Johnson type situation

  where he's just doing image management

  who knows but but he seems he seems like

  he'd be like a pretty cool guy maybe

  just totally like him on Parks and Rec

  it's the reason why he's one of my

  favorite actresses yeah but I think past

  a certain point right what will what

  this will be is Chris Pratt probably has

  a foundation and then this he'll do this

  in return for the opportunity to put his

  foundation for kids on the masthead of

  some other you know what I mean like

  it's it's a different kind of currencies

  the wrong word but for lack of a better

  word it's a different kind of currency

  it's a kind of social tokens that we

  pass back and forth we try and do the

  right thing and these are the this is

  what the Rotary Club is all about right

  the Rotary Club sends some students to

  go bei Japan and Kobe Japan send some

  students to rotary and one of those

  students one day goes to college and

  become a majors in business management

  and ends up being the deputy director of

  the port and rotary pins appends a star

  on him and though her and the star then

  goes up on a on a piece of wood on the

  wall of a place and you know it's like

  there is a there is a world of

  honorarium a world of and everyone is

  very proud there's a lot of like pride

  in the work that they do

  it feels meaningful it feels like it

  spreads a fraternity thus the whole

  sister-city notion of like and now

  someone who's here from our sister city

  in Uzbekistan and they brought an

  entourage and you know and being like

  being is even tangentially involved in

  that in this kind of world like I have

  to I have to also realize they're

  creating content for their own markets

  and sure again it's it's a kind of thumb

  I don't visible but a kind of yes

  you're saying it's it's it's content and

  it's it's a kind of reputational Wafi

  tokens like there's it's interesting

  you're moving kind of invisible

  resources around yeah and and I think I

  think what what the benefit of these

  things is to the people that that are

  knee-deep in it is like this is where

  after you've awarded the the blue ribbon

  for the state's largest cow or after

  you've sent 25 kids to college and

  Antarctica for the semester then as

  you're standing around at the end of the

  meeting somebody like my dad says hey

  Bill I want to meet Tony and Tony goes

  hey Bill how's it going I'm trying to

  you know I'm the guy that's trying to

  get the permits to build the sixty five

  storey office tower on the land adjacent

  to where you are trying to also build a

  tower and you are holding up my permits

  haha why don't we figure that out and

  it's like oh you're a Rotarian Wow and

  like that kind of handshake II thing is

  what people that aren't in the room and

  what you know what democratic socialists

  are what makes them so suspicious and

  angry because it seems like that's where

  all chummy yeah that's where all the

  deals are getting made and that's why

  those organizations exist now being

  inside them right I see like oh that's

  not why they exist but it is a it is an

  element it is a fringe benefit of it

  that the people that are invited are the

  ones that are seen to need to be there

  and then that's how things get done and

  it's uh it's not very creative and it's

  not very it's not it's not fun by any

  standards that we have like it's not

  like the things that are supposed to be

  funny aren't funny the things that are

  supposed to be neat aren't neat there

  are a lot of PowerPoint demonstrations

  where people are showing slideshows of

  all the kids that they've helped but it

  really does

  come from I don't know a place in those

  people that is altruistic mm-hmm a

  desire to help and I have no idea how

  but but I now AM on not on the I'm in

  the anteroom of these people because I'm

  because whatever they pick me out as

  somebody that's game that will come to

  these things and be a little roasty and

  be a little bit because the thing is in

  a group of in a group where the

  admiral's are standing around right

  there's a lot of respect for the

  Admirals and the Admirals are standing

  around used to being respected it's

  their number one job description respect

  these guys right like they're every

  single room they've ever walked into

  from the time that they were a

  lieutenant junior grade some large

  proportion of the people in that room

  are respecting them mm-hmm no one ever

  disrespects them except maybe and part

  of it is um you learn so early on that

  you get respect by giving respect

  there's a tremendous respect as the

  currency right and so that but the

  Admirals in this situation are like

  they'd to go to a lot of rotary meetings

  they behaved respectfully but you don't

  get the sense that they you know part of

  respect sad to say is that you are

  impressed and maybe a little afraid

  right I mean certainly the respect

  they're used to commanding has a healthy

  element of fear in it because the people

  that are like yes sir are ones that can

  be in big trouble

  if they say yes sir wrong and so the

  Admirals are in this thing and there are

  a lot of rote Aryans and and people from

  the city and the animals aren't really

  very afraid of them you know they're

  it's not like somebody from Seattle is

  going to say we're not giving the Navy

  permits to park their boats here this

  year because we're making I mean it's

  possible if we elected a mayor

  was a real radical but ultimately the

  Navy's not worried about Seattle but a

  situation like that you know my job I as

  I see it is to because the lot of these

  animals aren't that much older than me

  right I know I know 54 and so although

  I'm iris I respect to the office and I

  respect the Navy let's say I don't have

  a lot of social fear because what is it

  Admiral gonna do to me what is what are

  these people gonna do to me and so no

  one ever roasts Admirals particularly

  not at a thing like this that's so low

  weight like this is these are low power

  events for these people the Seafarer

  parade you know they do they don't come

  expecting to be ribbed publicly and and

  I think personally that they love it I

  think it's fun for them I think that a

  everybody likes to be roasted a little

  and it's a like nobody ever

  nobody ever sidles up to them and says

  so tell me is that do you don't you get

  tired of wearing these uniforms that are

  half polyester I mean couldn't you have

  a uniform Taylor do you think they like

  that I think they do because it's a kind

  of banter that they it's the sort of

  banter that I would you know that I

  would lay on you yeah and they and they

  do have those feelings like so I'm

  standing next to the King County Sheriff

  who is a beep he's a big deal here and

  we're watching the opening remarks and I

  and there's a young deputy standing next

  to him who's not his who's it basically

  looks like his son and is sort of acting

  like his son and I don't think he's a

  bodyguard he's just his he's probably

  his aide-de-camp

  he says Ballena called Theia is his body

  manners back now but yeah he says he's

  the guy that's gonna eat his purse he

  gets his Leviathan and

  he needs a magnifying glass he knows

  where to pull it out right yeah so I'm

  standing next to the camp eight to camp

  what a great term aid to camp it's got

  to be what he is and I look over in the

  and the King County Sheriff has a side

  arm and the side arm you know it's

  unlikely that this sixty year old man is

  ever gonna draw his sidearm again but

  it's there because it's part of the

  uniform uh-huh and I looked down and it

  has a single piece of scotch tape

  wrapped around the handle wrapped around

  the grip and I look at him I kind of

  think about it for a second and I walk

  over and I say Sheriff and he looks at

  me and I'm wearing a crown yeah yes so

  he's so he's not gonna say hello citizen

  he's gonna say what the fuck is this now

  and I said sheriff I can't help but

  notice that your sidearm is held

  together with scotch tape can you and he

  starts to laugh and his aide camp starts

  to laugh and I said can you give me a

  some explanation for why the sheriff of

  King County can't find a screw for his

  or whatever and he says well you know

  the the grip is a little bit Wiggly and

  so I fixed it and you're the first

  person that's ever said anything about

  it and now my aide camp is laughing at

  me so thanks very much for that Wow and

  I figured either his kid put it on there

  he kept it on cuz it was sweet Oh cuz

  you know get a lot of that your kid put

  stuff on your things I'm sure it was

  that or there was maybe so he could get

  his fingerprints off there if you need

  it to no just a single piece of scotch

  tape all right and and so I said well

  you know sheriff that's wonderful

  because I'm gonna be able now to report

  to the citizens of King County that you

  are not wasting precious County

  resources on doing things like fixing

  the grip of your gun

  yeah which you're unlikely to draw and

  so then he's like oh here's I got a live

  one here and we sit and chat

  because in a way that kind of banter

  establishes establishes that there is a

  that my lack of fear is a kind of peer

  I'm establishing a peer relationship

  right like I am clearly not a peer of

  the King County Sheriff in any respect

  right sort of classic sense not in the

  classic sense but I'm also not

  intimidated by him and that's unusual

  for him right I mean the only people

  that aren't intimidated by the King

  County Sheriff are his wife and his kids

  probably because everybody else that he

  meets in it in the course of this

  situation is either someone who reports

  to him or someone who needs him needs

  his political support mm-hmm I mean

  that's it's um I don't mean this

  disparagingly but that's a managerial

  job big time right I mean I mean you

  know I wouldn't Domitian I'm sure that

  he would be happy to jump in and grab a

  broom if he needed to but like his job

  is very that's a high level

  administrative job he manages other

  managers and he came up through the

  ranks and you know one of the Dave

  Reichert who was a former King County

  Sheriff became a US congressman so it's

  a political job okay all right and he

  goes to these events and everything

  everything that we're looking at at this

  event is within his jurisdiction he is

  the sheriff of all of this and so

  everybody at this thing is like sheriff

  you know thanks for coming and also we

  you know we're looking for your help if

  next year at the whatchamacallit thing

  and so no one ever comes up and says

  what's the deal with your broken gun

  giggling yeah what's up with that and

  and he likes it right everybody likes

  that everybody wants somebody to come up

  and take the steam out of them or at

  least everybody who's normal like I'm

  sure there's a king I'm sure there's a

  sheriff somebody somewhere who's like

  move along citizen I mean in my

  estimation that

  is less bothersome to people who are

  both powerful and confident right there

  are there are people in positions of

  power that are not that confident

  nominee any names here and then there

  are other people who are very confident

  but don't have power and that kind of

  thing if you haven't gotten through the

  ranks and moved up feels like a slight

  that must be addressed in the moment it

  much like you went on like a playground

  right power you can you can laugh it off

  because you know let's just not gonna

  bother you well and he is a he's a he's

  a politician ultimately and so he's not

  gonna get to that job and be good at it

  if he doesn't have a sense of humor

  because it's you've got to you've got to

  be fielding a lot of crazy shit all day

  and a few minutes later I'm standing

  with the King County Executive who is

  the sheriff's boss nominally who's a

  young guy and actually a friend of mine

  like somebody that I know socially and

  he's the I think the greatest politician

  in the state by a large margin and

  everybody thinks so his name is Dow

  Constantine and he is a he's just a

  great politician and he's a he's a

  liberal he gets things done and he's

  also a cool guy right he's at this event

  he's dressed appropriately except he's

  wearing converse because he's a because

  he's a Justin Trudeau he's having a

  little fun he's having a little fun

  because it's a fun time but he's also

  got a blazer on and he's he he found in

  his collection of accoutrements all his

  little Seafarer pins and buttons that

  he's received over the years as various

  like every one of these little things

  that some King Neptune has given him

  like I hereby proclaim that you are the

  king of the day and they hand you a

  little pin Dow has them arranged

  somewhere so that when he's coming to

  this some assistant says and here are

  your Seafarer pins and he puts them on

  his blazer so that it's just like and

  that's how you're a good politician you

  know you show up at this and you're

  wearing the right pins

  and so you know that's let me pause you

  for a second because I like that phrase

  what was the phrase knowing the right

  pins that's really that's kind of a

  really good way to put it because it

  also encompasses a lot of the different

  kinds of things we're talking about

  whether that's Rotary Club or your

  father you know uh councilor you know

  like knowing all of the ways to like

  wear the right pin becomes very

  important in these situations right

  remember remember how politicians were

  being bullied into wearing American flag

  pins during the Bush administration oh

  it was it was this I remember after I

  want to say after 9/11 there was this or

  things like which late-night talk-show

  host will be the first to stop wearing

  up a flag pin yeah and if you if you

  appear there was a while there where if

  you appeared as a public figure without

  a flag pin on it was cause for censure

  especially if you were a Steph you were

  a a public servant and I think I think

  you will still see an awful lot of flag

  pins on the lapels of I mean I don't

  think there's a single Republican

  Congress person that doesn't have a

  flight well a lot of them wear that that

  goofy slightly oversized badge that

  Congress person's get that looks a

  little silly because when I see them

  talking on the MSNBC it looks a little

  bit like like a POG maybe or something

  you know it's a big pin trading culture

  at theme parks sure I think this is how

  that the sheriff with the cowboy hat got

  a lot of his Mad Max when Morton Joe

  pins is just trading with other cowboy

  sheriffs yeah this whole penetrating

  culture and I think that's part of what

  you're describing here knowing the right

  pin but but also it encompasses the

  things like the things that I look at

  and see as magical like the ability to

  remember people's names yeah what they

  do what they used to do who they know

  who their family is and to do that

  without going back like I are you you

  know that's I I just look at that and I

  just said look at something like that

  sheriff I just go man that guy's got it

  wired right well and you think about you

  think about Dow how many different

  events he goes to where they hand him a

  pin and he goes home and somehow puts

  that pin into a system

  where he says the next time I go to the

  to the King County reservoir maintenance

  directors Jamboree I'm gonna be able to

  put this pin on my lapel and and when I

  arrive and they see it they are going to

  be chuffed right there's no look that

  you can tell I'm excited and this is my

  fifth one of these look at my lapel I'm

  wearing I'm wearing my flight of pins

  it's it's phenomenal you know that

  ability and that and the knowledge that

  that is the thing you need to need that

  you need to do but so I'm standing there

  in down an hour just talking about our

  families and we're talking about our

  lives and a guy walks up and he's one of

  the people I've I have honored that day

  who's a who runs an organization that

  supports the Navy and he says you know

  hey sorry to interrupt I just wanted to

  say hi just wanted to say thank you

  Dowell remembers his name Dom knows who

  he is and he says just wanted to make

  sure you got my email inviting you to

  the event that we're doing and it's a

  little bit of a you know I know I know I

  know that message I've gotten a message

  and and this is a protocol breach

  because we're at a thing dows wearing is

  his fun shoes but you can tell that this

  man is very earnest about his work and

  as part of that earnestness he does not

  recognize social


  whatever the way the wiggle room is

  between this is an event where you say

  something like that this is not slightly

  cringy breach of protocol a little bit

  but Dow is very very graceful sure and

  Dow says you know I don't have any staff

  members with me right now and so and

  then he makes this self-effacement joke

  so he then he says and you know honestly

  like I just go where they tell me so I

  don't know I don't you know it's his

  kind of way of saying I don't answer my

  own email when it is things like this

  but when I get back to the office I'll

  ask them to make sure that I am you know

  right D write it down

  nope he just remembers just remembers

  and and the guy kind of presses his

  attack a little bit well we'd like you

  to be at the event and you know it's

  very important because we're doing it

  for the Navy and we in the you know we

  and support our troops and Dow says you

  know as soon as I get back a minute I'm

  going to talk to my staff about it and

  just sort of gracefully does his thing

  but that is what is happening at these

  things whether it is overt like that or

  whether a person walks up and says hey

  great to see you Dow and Dow knows that

  this person wants them at their at his

  event and he's able to send a coded

  message to them like hey great well I'll

  see you the LC in a week it's in a

  situation like that it's a little bit

  the phrase comes to mind is holding

  court where if you actually think about

  a regent sitting in some kind of a room

  where people come in and come in you

  know talk to them about things in that

  kind of situation dow is his name

  sheriff down no the sheriff is not down

  who's down Dow is the executive what am

  i sorry Dow is the executive is the

  nominal boss well he's that person if

  that person that person has the

  opportunity to say at that point to this

  person oh by the way I got your note I

  haven't had a chance to respond to it

  but I feel pretty sure we can get that

  on the schedule yeah how's the

  opportunity where he could say that but

  if he didn't say that you asking them

  about it you're basically doing that

  thing where you say did you get my email

  about about your email okay don't do

  that don't people especially in social

  situations it's it's such a it's such a

  PR bad PR person thing to do that whole

  like well if I do it in public and I'm

  smiling like you have to be nice to me

  yeah well and it's how I it's how a PR

  person justifies their their bowl of

  cereal right because they get to that's

  my job yeah that's their job and they're

  trying to get those Glengarry leads all

  the time but but an event like this

  every single person in there is holding

  court simultaneously there are no people

  in there that are not either with I mean

  everybody had stars on there

  and the sheriff has four stars on his

  collars but he are on his collar but he

  he reports to Dowe who is wearing

  converse but functions yeah yeah but

  Dalles got stars on his collar too and

  everybody knows it it's just down Stars

  our Seafarer pins cuz he knows how to do

  that the only people in there that

  aren't that don't have stars on their

  collars are Billy Burke and James woke

  who are there because they're rich

  Hollywood hansoms and then me

  yeah and I'm wearing a fucking crown

  yeah that speaks for itself

  it really does right a crown like you

  because the crown says suggests I am

  ceremonially the boss of everyone here

  obviously we all know that that is not

  true well I think the purpose is for the

  purposes of this event if that has been

  conferred on you I think people should

  be deferential to you and they are and

  that is part of the fun every one of

  these Admirals said do I bow mm-hm and

  each time I say yes and and bend the

  knee as they do the fucking two of these

  Admirals got down on their knees right

  that's a good sport

  it's a fucking good sport because

  they're politicians - mm-hmm you don't

  get to be a three-star general or

  Admiral without being pulled it's a

  little bit of what one might call social

  power exchange you have you're having

  fun with it

  fucking-a mm-hmm and Mike and what I the

  only thing I lack is a clown nose

  because that's that's what the crown is

  right come on and I went to great

  lengths because because you have a lot

  of dignity I would not call that a clown

  nose you're a very you have a you have a

  an excess of dignity thank you I grew my

  beard a little bit long so that I look

  like hanging up to it a little bit more

  mm-hmm but but I feel like the the job

  description that the Seafarer people had

  in mind


  business-casual plus a sash and a crap


  that's what they expect okay and I have

  spent the last month putting together a

  pretty good replica of of like tsar

  nicholas ii tunic from just before the

  world war i have all the elements i have

  the you know i have the the star of

  Constantine and I have the the

  additional gold braid and the gigantic

  epaulets and the you've done some

  readings on your work here the sword

  belt and I mean if you take a picture of

  me and my tunic and you put it up next

  to Tsar Nicholas he's got a lot more


  and each one of the nice things about

  being a Tsar is that you can have

  knee-high patent leather boots made for

  yourself which would be set that I'm

  like I'm frankly teetering on making me

  - I just thought telling but so sweet in

  a tunic befitting a star and that is not

  what Seafarer expected they're not


  it certainly is inhabiting the role what

  they expected was you come in looking

  like a golf dad basically they want to

  golf dad with a sash lalala and and

  that's but they got they got a little

  more than they bargained for they wanted

  to reach a younger demo and they brought

  in a new king with some of some fresh

  energy and he he brought a whole outfit

  yeah right and it's a you know like the

  outfit oh so fun to wear it's so fun to

  march around in this outfit with its you

  know the epaulets really the epaulets

  really communicate not only that you

  have broad shoulders but that those

  broad shoulders are covered with

  cthulhu's of gold which is you know like

  the fucking Admirals

  who are marching around this thing have

  giant gold epaulettes

  it's just that style has changed and the

  epaulets now are flat and have a lot of

  stars on them but they're still freaking

  gold epaulettes and my epaulets are just

  what they would have worn a hundred

  years ago a little bit more at Gilbert

  and Sullivan yeah I mean there's a you

  know I don't want to look like

  Nutcracker why'd you put that image in

  my head that's funny like the Nutcracker

  with some homemade makeup I am

  essentially I am essentially there is

  the Nutcracker the you know the the game

  I mean initially I what I wanted was to

  come dressed as Master and Commander and

  it was very difficult to put that outfit

  together so that it looked good with a

  crown and the problem of the problem of

  the crown is that it it's very important

  to see fair because that's what they

  made they made a crown and they thought

  they were having fun with that and that

  that's an example of like we are fun and

  we're having fun with but with this and

  we made a crown and a sash for our King

  and it's an easy thing to put on

  somebody who's wearing business casual

  and make it make the event fun it's like

  instant King just add crown right you

  can walk in and you're wearing a suit

  from Men's Wearhouse and they put the

  sash on you you put a crown on and then

  unite somebody everybody has a good

  laugh yeah but Seafarer when i was a kid

  was one of these regional festivals that

  used to happen in every in every town

  every small town every to local every

  town that wasn't because they're the

  country didn't have a unified culture

  Seafarer was an event that where seattle

  went off went bananas like king neptune

  had an entourage of 20 people oh my

  goodness they were all wearing giant

  hats with feathers in them everyone was

  drunk it was there were parties people

  would really get into the spirit oh my

  god I mean my mom talks about it she's

  she's like

  Seafarer was the event of the season

  there were multiple parades there was a

  giant parade to kick it off then there

  was a giant parade in the middle and

  then there was a giant parade at the end

  that's kind of event my late father

  would call it grab-ass

  it was a huge grab-ass and everyone came

  from miles around

  the mayor and that you know and the end

  Neptune was a was a big deal right

  during that time during the Seafarer

  month King Neptune never bought a drink

  in any bar in the city there are Seafair

  pirates and sea fair clowns and they

  would they would come into bars and

  restaurants and just start singing their

  body songs and they would take you know

  food off of people's plates and

  everybody had a grand old wry bald time

  and I'm sure at that during that era

  right there was also a lot of

  impropriety that wouldn't fly these days

  oh I would feel fairly certain about

  that and so that you know that is kind

  of taken out of it right as time goes on

  the mayor does not get publicly drunk

  during sea fair but watching them in old

  black-and-white photos like watching the

  town just go nuts and when I got when I

  was appointed King Neptune my brother

  Bart sent me a text and he said dad

  would be so proud oh that's nice

  dad loved sea fair and this is a you

  know this is an example of the kind of

  honorary position in the City of Seattle

  that my dad thrived on and no member of

  my family even in all of their many

  splendors no one ever was King Neptune

  before my dad and my my uncle al and my

  uncle Junius and george alfred caldwell

  rodchester before him none of them ever

  were afforded or recorded this honor

  so I don't want to show up in business

  casual and have a crown I wanted to come

  dressed as Russell Crowe and Master and

  Commander hmm but it but you can't take

  that big Napoleon hat off and put a

  crown on you just look dumb but you can

  come as Tsar Nicholas or King George the

  fifth or a little bit less Kaiser

  Wilhelm but you can you can come as

  those guys and it and it it looks it

  looks the part right because they were

  obviously like commanders of their

  navies to you you knew that Tsar

  Nicholas George the fifth and Kaiser

  Wilhelm were all first cousins right in

  thinking about what you were saying I

  was in my head something was swinging

  around about Germans there seemed

  something isn't there a lot of dramatic

  things running through a lot of

  different countries like a lot of the

  royal family has roots in Germany well

  they're all they're all related right

  the British royal family is a German

  house I seem to remember in that in the

  crown I remember that being kind of kind

  of a big deal like one of the one of her

  relatives still mostly spoke German and

  stuff like that well sure and the thing

  is the leaders of those three nations at

  that time 1914 the King of England the

  George is George v Elizabeth's father

  grandfather okay right I think

  yeah all right well they were all so all

  three of those yes either you're right

  I'm sorry yeah I think you're right the

  Kaiser of Prussia the the Czar of Russia

  and the King of England were all first

  cousins and they were all grandsons of

  Queen Victoria Wow

  and while Queen Victoria was alive they

  were all like oh and they and they look

  almost exactly alike like George the

  fifth and Tsar Nicholas look like twins

  you see them next to each other twins

  twins twins and no nobody in the family

  liked Kaiser Wilhelm he was the cousin

  that nobody liked how come he was a jerk

  okay he was like I think that he had

  when he was being born did there was a

  complication and one and you know it was

  it was all olden times so they weren't

  able to solve complications in being

  born did like on the spot and one of the

  results was that the Kaiser was had a

  deformed arm that it was like Gary

  Berghof right he he had one hand that he

  didn't like to show Erbs palsy Gary

  burghoff had an arm situation Gary

  burghoff if you I mean in in the ten

  years that we all watched mash every day

  we never ever noticed that Gary burghoff

  has one hand that is I think much

  smaller than the other I had no oh my

  god there it is I had no idea and he


  Birkhoff who is by all accounts a

  reprehend reprehensible person oh no I'm

  so sorry you hear that is also a great


  thank you so much he's a phenomenal

  drummer but everybody I don't so you

  weren't around maybe you were your

  attention was elsewhere you were

  probably watching Apple announcement

  events yeah developer conferences but

  at some point in the early-mid Twitter


  Gary Birkhoff appeared on Twitter and he

  was one of those people that went from

  having 50 followers to 15,000 followers

  in two days because he was on Twitter

  just taking a dump on Alan Alda every

  day I see and was just he was going he

  was doing a James Woods he was just

  going crazy and it was oh I know oh no

  this is not good it sounds like oh I had

  some drinks it was the type of thing

  where Andy Richter was right in there

  you know like everybody was enjoying

  gary burghoff

  imploding online I love a Charlie Sheen

  I most of all right but but it caused me

  then to read some oral histories of mash

  and my favorite quote was somebody I

  don't know who said Gary Birkhoff was by

  far the best actor on mash he was doing

  a genius performance because he was

  creating a character that was beloved by

  everyone in the country when he himself

  was like the most awful man alive and

  was going up to Charles Nelson Reilly

  Herve Villechaize no one is spared no

  you see what's really on Olsen Reilly

  that's no good well it's like Gary also

  is is not a not a tall man and yeah

  thought he was lumped in there but so I

  think the Kaiser because of his because

  of his damaged arm had a chip on his

  shoulder and the Czar and the King

  looked so much alike and were very

  chummy like they vacationed together

  there was a lot of slap and tickle

  happening and the Kaiser felt left out

  but they all stayed very they all stayed

  very you know like pally

  because all three of them loved Queen

  Victoria their grandmother and there are

  all these pictures of them kind of like

  curled up at her feet while she pets

  their hair

  and when she died almost immediately the

  cousins were like they all squared off

  and of course they started a world war

  not that long after mm-hmm

  where and so the Kaiser and the king and

  the Czar are fuckin first cousins and

  they are they're like fighting this

  enormous conflict where millions died

  over some stupid shit and halfway

  through the war the Tsar is deposed by

  revolution and then at the end of the

  war the Kaiser loses his crown and there

  is no there is no monarch of Germany

  anymore it becomes a whatever funk

  semi-functional republic and the king of

  england is the last man standing so I

  guess really I'm really I'm dressing

  like King George the fifth I don't want

  to end up like the Tsar it's gonna be a

  busy week

  I have like six events a day oh my

  goodness that's too many events at six

  events a day Merlin and Wednesday is

  supposed to be a hundred and three

  degrees in Seattle that's a hot day to

  be the king well I'll see I don't want

  to wear my tunic on that day I'm gonna

  that's the day that I'm going business

  casual mm-hmm I'm going I'm going cruise

  ship casual on Wednesday this is another

  nice thing though is that you are I mean

  obviously you've put a lot of your own

  special preparation into this particular

  costume but like you've got a lot of

  stuff just sitting around that would be

  appropriate for almost any event like

  you're you seem like you're pretty good

  to go yeah as long as no one I I think

  that I have put myself now finally in a

  place that I've been that I've been

  shooting for my whole life which is a

  place with particularly in in wardrobe

  terms where whatever the invitation says

  is the Wardrobe

  I know that not only can I can I meet

  their expectations but that I will be

  able to show up in my own version of a

  thing like if it sells if it says

  cocktail formal or it says semi-formal

  or if it says I mean no one ever doesn't

  event that says that that says formal

  and means actual formal like the the

  nicest event in the country you can show

  up to an a rented tuxedo anymore but you

  might say black tie or white tie right I

  I do not think that you will ever see a

  thing invite where you are invited white

  tie I mean unless it's a Royal Wedding

  which no one's no one listening to this

  podcast is likely to get invited to

  least of all me yeah although you never

  know you never know

  I mean maybe Boris Johnson is listening

  to this but other times the dress code

  they give is a combination of two things

  on the one hand it's like hey you don't

  want to look like a ding-a-ling so make

  sure you dress at least up to this bar

  but it's also a kind of like a

  consolation of saying don't worry like

  you don't have to wear a necktie to this

  right I think you're trying to give you

  something to say like to provide comfort

  ultimately to say like if you're in the

  range of this

  range of this

  kind of garb you'll be fine right and

  that is antithetical to the idea of

  having a dress code right I mean that's

  a that is a modern that's a modern

  problem to say like here's the dress

  code don't feel bad

  you get to where you have to wear it up

  to this point but don't worry you can it

  you won't be uncomfortable poor person

  yeah and after an hour you can take your

  shoes off

  yeah and in the past right a dress code

  was almost almost explicitly like you

  are going to be incredibly uncomfortable

  this is not negotiable here is what the

  expectation is and you will come correct

  and that's gone from the world unless

  you're invited to something hosted at

  the White House or something right like

  like you go you go to a wedding where

  the where the people are putting on the

  wedding and they want everybody to be

  like really really formal and you see a

  bunch of guys in blue suits yeah I mean

  if it doesn't if the if the title of the

  event you know you look out for words

  like gala gala is a good indication you

  should up your game a little bit right

  but for a lot of people in the world

  that is a blue suit that's as high as

  they go blue suit with with the tie the

  ceiling I've been go any higher than

  that or a rented tux a mule an

  ill-fitting rented tux

  yeah so but but in most cases like

  formal I think formal involves like

  actual formal at night is white tie

  white waistcoat like when was last time

  you saw that that wasn't at it wasn't a

  member of a wedding party well and you

  have to be careful that you don't get in

  too jokey frat brother Brothers style

  formality right black black tie is after

  six is that right

  well white tie is like the super formal

  one right right time in olden times

  white tie was for dinner and black tie

  was like what you wore

  like then I mean a morning coat well

  this is when you white ties when you

  wear like a Jiminy Cricket outfit yeah

  at dinner every night I mean this is

  like this is like old Oh like 1910 and

  in England but you didn't show up with a

  Black Tie tuxedo at night at a gala for

  sure but now you do now that's the

  that's the peak and there are all kinds

  of rules right you don't wear a white

  dinner jacket unless you're in the

  tropics but people love the look of

  white dinner jackets and so now you see

  white dinner jackets above the tropics

  and also you don't wear a white dinner

  jacket in the winter hmm but people do

  now because there's a costume for speed

  since most people are having fun with it

  right they don't under they don't know

  what the they don't know that it

  actually signifies a Kemp some kind of

  like archaic social order but so if I'm

  invited to anything up to white tie

  which I cannot accomplish like Paul if

  Tompkins can accomplish white tie and

  wears it sometimes min wears it always

  as a costume so he wears it

  inappropriately in that it's too formal

  for some events he goes to but that's

  his bit he's like a he's like a friendly

  children's television host yeah that is

  that's his bit huh but almost anything

  else that you would invite me to I can

  come not only appropriately but also in

  my own vernacular right in my own

  vernacular precisely so you know I can

  come to a black-tie event in 1959 or in

  1977 or then also the one that is just

  the appropriate one

  can I just I read you the description of

  white tie from the internet science site

  here according to the British etiquette

  guide Debrett's of which I do not own a

  copy the central opponents are

  components of full evening dress from

  men are a white Marcella shirt which is

  a kind of like a weave of shirt Marcella

  shirt with the detachable wing collar

  and single cuffs fastened with studs and

  cufflinks the eponymous white Marcella

  bowtie is worn around the collar while

  marcella waistcoat is worn over the

  shirt over this is worn a black single

  breasted bar Athiya that's like a very

  gameofthrones name Bharathi awal or

  ultrafine herringbone tail coat with

  silk peak lapels were not done the

  trousers have double braiding down the

  outside of both legs while the correct

  shoes are patent leather or highly

  polished black dress shoes although a

  white scarf remains popular in winter

  the traditional white gloves top hats

  canes and cloaks are now rare it's the

  end of the menses yes and so you lose

  the Canes you lose the Canes and cloak

  because in cloaks nak seem to like Tori

  and that's two costumes you look a

  little bit like you know the monopoly

  man it was like them enough women but

  single cuffs not French cuffs like there

  are a lot of mistakes that we make in

  thinking that the thing that is more

  ornate is also the most fancy like

  you'll see a lot of people a lot of men

  wear their wingtips to put wingtips with

  the tux because the wingtips have more

  fancy on them they are more bling they

  got more bling but in fact when you get

  up to this level the fanciest is the

  plainest so you're not meant to wear

  wingtips with a with a tuck so you want

  your plainest black shoes and it should

  be no except first right yeah that's


  and and not French cups but single cuffs

  and so forth and so on and all this

  stuff is like that all signals whether

  or not you know and that's a huge part

  of what dress codes and what dress even

  is it signals whether or not you know

  what things are and now of course we

  think oh those things are unimportant or

  those that are worse those things are

  enforcing a social hierarchy that we

  abhor but those things are also part of

  our and this is the word that you know

  this is the bell ringing word right it's

  part of our patrimony pound sign not all

  tuxedos right pound signs you know wears

  why is it patrimony mm-hmm that's I am

  but but it's that stuff interests me not

  just because it's like cultural heritage

  but also because I love codes you know I

  love social codes I love in I love

  interpreting codes I love seeing when

  other people like Dow Constantine

  wearing those fucking ribbons is and the

  converse is expressing a knowledge of

  ultimately of people and of stories and

  of the stories that people want to tell

  and that's what all this stuff is about

  and I admire it when I see it

  and honestly I feel like the single

  piece of scotch tape on the sheriff's

  gun was a thing that he initially put on

  there because a screw fell out of his

  pistol and then he liked what it

  symbolized he's a man of the people he

  has a piece of tape on his gun and no

  one has said anything about it he's been

  wearing that tape on his gun for fucking

  ever I bet because looking at the tape

  it had been on there a long time it was

  all it was all used and it was put on

  there very you know not not with any

  attempt to be neat it was very like slap

  on some tape he'd been wearing that like

  a pin on his lapel as a way of signaling

  so many things and someone finally said

  something about it and he was thrilled

  and his deputy was thrilled

  all these little flags that we have all

  these flag lapels a flag pins on our

  lapels that are that are ways of saying

  like this is me like a sheriff can't

  bling out his outfit it already is

  completely composed I'm not sure if Sam

  you know he doesn't have any there's no

  opportunity for him to put them even a

  even a flower in

  lapel because it would be out of uniform

  huh but he can put a little tape on the

  handle of his gun like a like a lace


  now at some point do you think you

  should get that fixed I mean like it's

  fun he's having fun with it which I like

  I like that he's doing some bling and

  he's got his his version of a black

  brassiere but like damn certain points

  shouldn't police officer make sure his

  gun doesn't have tape on it and that's a

  throwaway piece I think they call it I'm

  hoping I'm hoping that this Sheriff has

  enough insulating sheriffs around him he

  has three or four there were the shit

  there there are the deputies you see and

  there that are the deputies you don't

  see and in Seattle at least in in in

  Palin around with Dow his driver and his

  the deputy that is assigned to shadow

  Dow is always a woman and there and at

  this event

  standing sort of back with my crown on

  that's another fun game is to pick out

  the people who are there because they

  are carrying guns because they're

  shadowing somebody right because a lot

  of the people at this event have a

  shadow and the shadow isn't standing at

  their elbow the shadow is standing in a

  corner somewhere and they will have an

  earpiece or they won't but they will

  definitely have a little twirly cable on

  it like you're like a Secret Service

  type situation yeah so there were four

  of those people at this event but there

  were also other people that didn't have

  twirl ease but that had on you know like

  bulges in their jackets and in King

  County at least it seems like often the

  like secret detectives the ones the ones

  who are standing at one remove are women

  because I think that the county

  recognizes that bad guys are there you

  know the the goal of somebody's standing

  there with a pistol is that you may not

  be notice

  mm-hmm and bad guys are gonna be less

  likely to think that the sheriff is

  being shadowed by a deputy who's a woman

  and that that's an extra layer of

  badassery that's super badass like Pussy

  Galore like you have your whole like

  your squad of action people that's

  really cool and so when the when the the

  gang was all finally arrayed on our on

  our big like parade of Corvettes which

  is how we were going through the parade

  and the mayor the the beleaguered mayor

  of Seattle also arrived and got in his

  Corvette and I was very interested to

  know because it's a parade and there's

  very little separation between you and

  the crowd in a parade yeah as he started

  having a rough time well I mean what

  what he is accused of he will never not

  have a rough time I mean I know you've

  been acquainted with him I'm trying to

  be classy about it but he's he's had

  kind of some a challenge our current

  mayor did not run for re-election even

  though he was until this scandal

  presumed to be a shoo-in he he bowed out

  of the race and now there are 21 people

  running for mayor of Seattle and I

  should have done it it should have done

  just film no no please don't even for 22

  it's done but but so he's in the parade

  Dow is in a parade they're both riding

  sort of next to each other in their

  Corvettes awkward and buff and it's very

  awkward because Dow is a very successful

  politician who will be a national

  politician at one point in his life for

  sure I mean unless he makes a real

  misstep which I don't foresee him making

  but so I walk up in my tunic to their

  cars to say good luck gentlemen have a

  great parade on behalf of King Neptune

  of Seafarer you know have a good time in

  your parade and as I step to their car

  you you notice that the secret people

  the secret deputies I like the secret

  people I like the secret people they

  reveal the

  selves because out of the stout of the

  scrum of people who are kind of milling

  around I walk up to these cars fairly

  quickly because I'm just like mayor good

  luck have a good race you no doubt good

  luck have a fun have a fun time I'm just

  sort of moving quickly to these cars

  which are which are surrounded with a

  bubble of nobody in them because again

  sort of the presumption is like there's

  a bubble around these people yeah an

  abundance of caution and so out of the

  out of the the crowd that's on the

  periphery I step to these cars and those

  four people step forward one step and

  it's not a thing you would notice mm-hmm

  unless you were conscious of them being

  there already and knowing that they are

  all four of them vigilant enough to say

  who's this fucking guy you move in a

  move you start you start moving toward

  didn't Daenerys on on the crown a few

  people are gonna change positions that's

  right they all change position to get a

  little bit better sight line yeah and

  and they see the mayor

  you'd recognise me and put out his hand

  and say hey you know thanks and and who

  our mare is he's like you know he we'd

  we don't know each other exactly

  socially but certainly we know each

  other and he's like hi great to see

  thanks for your support he didn't

  actually say that but no really no

  that's just in his eyes it's all he

  knows how to do and then I was like

  thanks you know and so the the sheriff's

  take a step forward or the the secret

  people take a step forward but they know

  they don't have to take a second step

  forward because they they see then I'm

  being acknowledged and recognized and

  welcome you're good mm-hm

  if they I think I probably almost

  certainly that Dow and the mayor both

  have a a way of posturing themselves

  which says secret people would you

  arrive with a quickness you know stiffen

  up a little bit or something and they

  know oh it's go time

  yeah they stiffen up or they look over

  their shoulder or in some way that

  recoil mmm-hmm where that where the

  deputies will arrive on the scene but

  all of that dance it's so it's just so

  interesting and so

  you know what the hierarchy among people

  with stars on their collars is mmm-hmm

  there were two Admirals and I wanted to

  know who reported to the other and so I

  walked up to one Admiral and I said

  who's you both that you both have three


  so who's the Kahuna and the guys like


  and I'm like well he controls a carrier

  Strike Group you are commander of

  Pacific Fleet Operations who gets the

  bigger slice of cake at the at the

  reception and the guy that I'm talking

  to his wife starts to laugh and he said

  well we're in different we are different

  where we report to different we both

  report to the same guy like he doesn't

  report to me I don't report to him yeah

  yeah yeah but what's the real story

  exactly I said yeah okay so he brings

  his carrier Strike Force into your base

  if you're mad at him do you get to say

  like all right well sorry we're out of

  macaroni and cheese you don't we're not

  we're not gonna resupply you because of

  something and his wife is just fuckin

  cracking up at this point he's like well

  no first of all I'm not in charge of

  macaroni and cheese but yeah second and

  I said so what so it's the military

  there's no equal no one's equal to

  anybody that's what makes it the

  military it's like it's like when you

  get a pack of dogs yeah you can't write

  any question you got to know like here's

  your nose here's this but let's go and

  so finally he says well he has seniority

  and I said you mean he enlisted first or

  he was promoted to Admiral first oh boy

  you're not gonna let it go are you no no

  I want to know and his and his wife is

  is having the best time and he is he may

  not have thought of this for a long time

  it's so unconscious in them that he

  might not have had to break this down

  but he says both he joined before I did

  and he was promoted

  right before I was and I said but

  doesn't that make you the wunderkind

  like you are you're younger than him and

  promoted to the same rank as him and he

  ran outside agitator john roderick and

  he shows no he shows no emotion except

  just the slightest crinkle in his eye

  just the slightest flash at being

  complimented and at being recognized as

  as having made that accomplishment at a

  younger age

  mmm-hmm but he said that's not how it

  works its seniority works according to

  like age and i said thank you admiral

  you've Claire you've you know you've

  clarified things for me today and he the

  thing is both of these guys are sitting

  in the backseat of their Corvettes like

  I'm walking down the lawn okay they

  can't get away and they're kind of not

  supposed to say I don't want to talk to

  you anymore no cuz I'm the fucking King

  you're the King I have to talk to you

  and they're both sitting next to their

  wives which is a different power dynamic

  it liar hundred percent right I mean

  like we can all we can all we're doing

  our little boys thing together our men

  talking to men thing like you know

  nobody's gonna Pierce but like they each

  have their own court jester that

  actually is running the court yes and

  they are and the wives are really

  enjoying this kind of thing right this

  they're the Admiral except not not at

  home I'm sure that's true I'm sure

  that's their long-running gag but I'm

  also sure probably every single one of

  them owes their wife so much can you

  imagine all the bullshit that their

  family has gone through so that they

  could have that career all you have to

  do is watch the right stuff right oh I

  mean rather we were talking about that

  just this morning wouldn't know it was

  Sam Shepard in that yes okay that's why

  I mention it this morning because I've

  seen dally

  she loves Apollo 13 but we've never seen

  the right stuff and I was like we got to

  watch that movie it's long it's so good

  it's really long he played those ladies

  tough those are tough ladies they are

  tough and they were tough in in in

  precisely the era where

  they were expected to behave a certain

  way that you know that didn't allow them

  really to to be assertive publicly

  assertive it was a bit like like for

  generations or even millennia like they

  self-organized not de but any any group

  like that like self-organized is in the

  CIA we're like this is you know this is

  how the village gets things accomplished


  yes still very related very related

  structures in like and you put in your

  anecdote about the the Admirals and the

  Corvettes you know it's like the part

  that makes that awkward is that they

  know the answer to that question

  I bet I mean they Co they feel it oh

  yeah I mean they feel it in there you

  walk into a room and anybody you give

  any of those guys two drinks and he

  could force rank that entire room

  without even thinking about it he could

  he could fully force rank that room and

  and I bet you most people in the room

  could do the exact same thing people

  given the same amount of information and

  expertise could go up absolutely top

  guys I'm Katherine Katherine Oh all the

  way all the way down the line it's just

  that it's awkward to talk about it and

  then how would you if you if they were

  to say that to you how would they

  support that in a way that didn't sound

  like mumbo-jumbo well and there are

  people who are listening right now who

  are in the United States Armed Forces

  and who are officers and who will

  probably report to us in greater detail

  but I wonder whether when those two

  Admirals meet coming through the Rye

  mm-hmm whether the junior Admiral

  salutes first because they both know

  like I'm pretty sure all the three-star

  all the three stars out there and I

  think they are lieutenant Admirals or

  something I don't know exactly which

  which it is I'm getting yelled at about

  that but I think they probably all know

  each other almost certainly they know

  each other they are there interacting

  with each other socially and

  professionally and when they see one

  another whether the junior one even

  junior by two days

  whether they know to salute first I

  don't know that is a that's a level of

  military protocol I don't know but but

  in this little in this little corral

  that I was in there's the mayor who is

  used to being the top guy in the city

  there's the Dow Constantine who is the

  executive of the county and the county

  incorporates the city but those two have

  a relationship that is defined the

  protocol of that relationship has been

  defined for decades but still Dow is the

  more successful of the two politicians

  the one who will be in office next year

  Oh interesting so how does that work now

  the Navy is in town and these guys are

  high-ranking Navy officers how do they

  interact with a mayor of a city

  the sheriff is there he's got four stars

  on his collar the Admirals only have

  three but you also know who's the home

  team right right I think when somebody

  else is the home team you are dignified

  but differential right but like sheriff

  stars and army stars oh yeah right they

  don't they don't there's definitely

  there's like a whole like it's like a

  British Pound type situation like that's

  that's a different kind of star

  different kind of stuff mm-hmm and then

  you waltz and then you plop down in the

  middle of all of this

  a rich person so let's say there's a

  billionaire and let me have an

  influential person let's say it's Jeff

  Bezos come to the events so now Jeff

  Bezos is in the middle so now all

  picture changes for me

  he's just cackling maniacally it's just

  he's there and he's in a hyperbaric

  chamber that's also a hovercraft