Roderick on the Line

Ep. 261: "Two Swords in Da Nang"

 

  this episode of Rodrick on the line is [TS]

  brought to you by Mack Weldon Mack [TS]

  Weldon is better than whatever you're [TS]

  wearing right now to find out why you go [TS]

  and visit Mack Weldon calm use our very [TS]

  special promo code ro TL for 20% off [TS]

  your order [TS]

  Mack Weldon [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  hello hi John hi Merlin man how's it [TS]

  going John Roderick good does anybody [TS]

  ever call you Merlin mang mang you know [TS]

  I don't get that one too much yeah I was [TS]

  telling my daughter that you're one of a [TS]

  very small handful of people who still [TS]

  call me Merle oh and she's heard that [TS]

  name like twice ever [TS]

  she thinks it's really weird Merle [TS]

  because we've been to the comic shop and [TS]

  talked to the guy at the comic shop the [TS]

  that's not he doesn't he's not [TS]

  technically the owner although he's kind [TS]

  of the owner you know it's co-op but the [TS]

  donors name is Christian and and so he's [TS]

  a little bit younger than me but he came [TS]

  up at a time where people go oh like a [TS]

  sister Christian hmm [TS]

  so as soon as he discovered that night [TS]

  Ranger was coming out with a song called [TS]

  sister he preemptively told people to [TS]

  calm Chris oh and that got us talking [TS]

  about the name thing he knew that he [TS]

  knew that even then he knew to say I'd [TS]

  better get it I'd better get ahead of [TS]

  this yeah yeah I got in front of his [TS]

  skis on that which I think it's kind of [TS]

  smart don't tell me love me no I'm [TS]

  saying yeah exactly and so who called [TS]

  you Merle you uh my lady friend [TS]

  sometimes she's really refer to me by [TS]

  name it doesn't come up very much it's [TS]

  kind of a it's kind of like a familiar [TS]

  familial familial familiar front Familia [TS]

  cheese from you yeah Familia yeah it's a [TS]

  little you know it's a it's a diminutive [TS]

  it's like a I I knew a kid in elementary [TS]

  school named Clark and his mother called [TS]

  him Clarkie oh I think that's sweet [TS]

  what is sweet but it's a but that's a [TS]

  tough name to put a to put a little like [TS]

  e on the end clunky it makes it extra [TS]

  clicky collecti it is clarkey I there [TS]

  was a girl in my high school named [TS]

  sharky sharky sharky like ch ch a R kie [TS]

  turkey that was her name her the gorilla [TS]

  goonz named Sharkey [TS]

  oh that's right Sharkey he just started [TS]

  a new service where a touring band can [TS]

  rent a van from him [TS]

  that's a profitable business anyway [TS]

  charkie well you remember Sharky's [TS]

  machine starring Burt Reynolds yes I [TS]

  sure do [TS]

  Sharky's machine so there's more than [TS]

  one person named Sharkey hmm I've never [TS]

  met another person named Sharkey I still [TS]

  know charkie turkey at the time in high [TS]

  school you would never have thought that [TS]

  charkie and I would know one another [TS]

  thirty years later mm-hmm but she lives [TS]

  in Seattle and she sometimes comes to [TS]

  comes to my shows and she's very [TS]

  supportive that's so nice I don't know [TS]

  anybody anymore yeah well I barely know [TS]

  you keep up with a lot of people I guess [TS]

  I do you really do first great first day [TS]

  of fourth grade 1976 back when school [TS]

  started in September like a normal thing [TS]

  started off for the days I started in my [TS]

  new class his hair was my teacher [TS]

  and his hair with an e said I'm gonna [TS]

  read your name and if there's anything [TS]

  you prefer to be called instead of that [TS]

  let me know and I don't know why but [TS]

  this is a couple years after my father [TS]

  had passed away [TS]

  I've been Merlin the whole time and for [TS]

  some reason I said I would like to be [TS]

  called Merle I kind of took it as a way [TS]

  to honor my father and I thought it was [TS]

  a cool name and that's what I went by [TS]

  Rob Lee until into college that's what I [TS]

  was known as really you know yeah now it [TS]

  seems kind of weird yeah right so but if [TS]

  you ran into some old old pal from the [TS]

  neighborhood that I would call you Merle [TS]

  probably I mean do you think about your [TS]

  name very much I don't think about my [TS]

  name that much I've seen where people [TS]

  assume because they call you by your [TS]

  name they think about it but like I [TS]

  don't think about my name very much you [TS]

  have a Merlin man is like one of the [TS]

  all-time greatest names of all time [TS]

  that's a pretty good name a lot of [TS]

  people assume it's a made-up name I mean [TS]

  I guess yeah clear all names are made up [TS]

  but no it's Mike it's my birth [TS]

  certificate name yeah I mean it's really [TS]

  it's really extraordinary and yeah John [TS]

  John especially somebody my age I mean [TS]

  they named every fourth [TS]

  boy John so it doesn't really ring out [TS]

  and plus of course I mean the proof is [TS]

  the proof is in the fact that you and I [TS]

  in our immediate social circle know like [TS]

  11 John's [TS]

  right I mean there are a lot of job I [TS]

  have two ongoing regular podcasts with [TS]

  people named John mm-hmm I frequently [TS]

  podcast with other people named John and [TS]

  then I know I know some Jonathan's as [TS]

  well yeah and then there the lar there's [TS]

  the wider not even much wider circle of [TS]

  John's and also I am for whatever reason [TS]

  have always been very very nickname [TS]

  resistant no self or others no no no no [TS]

  I I would I always wanted a nickname I [TS]

  thought a nickname was was great but you [TS]

  know for a nickname I've had super good [TS]

  name [TS]

  I know my uncle called me the kid which [TS]

  I thought was kind of a cool nickname it [TS]

  was a little bit you know diminutive but [TS]

  that's kind of the idea of a name like [TS]

  the kid I like that okay I mean but the [TS]

  thing is a lot of nicknames come from [TS]

  stuff like wetting your pants you know [TS]

  or one day you don't wear a jacket you [TS]

  know everybody's just calling you [TS]

  snotboogie yeah some tribal stuff yeah [TS]

  tribal stuff in my family is is well I [TS]

  mean the people in my family are late [TS]

  breeders and late breeders all the way [TS]

  back so you know my dad was 47 when I [TS]

  was born but his dad was in his 40s when [TS]

  he was born now that's weird and his [TS]

  father before him and looking through [TS]

  the records there are people in my [TS]

  family in 1750 who had a child who had [TS]

  one of my forebears in their 40s was it [TS]

  sometimes the first child because that [TS]

  that's the weird part [TS]

  so did you get miracle babies but I [TS]

  think at least in my mother's age and [TS]

  really into our time it was considered [TS]

  pretty weird to have no first kid in [TS]

  your 30s [TS]

  off on a first child and more unusual a [TS]

  lot of the MA [TS]

  were in their mid-30s too even late 30s [TS]

  as far back as as the 18 whatever's [TS]

  early 18 and so we have no idea how far [TS]

  back that goes because it it fades into [TS]

  the into the fog of time yeah but so [TS]

  what that means is that my people are [TS]

  less evolved if you go back 50 thousand [TS]

  years and you can you have a group of [TS]

  people that are breeding that much [TS]

  you're saying over time that accumulates [TS]

  there's fewer time for your forebears to [TS]

  be alive in some ways yeah I am I am [TS]

  fewer generations removed from her [TS]

  humans than anyone else and in fact okay [TS]

  I dated a girl whose mother was 22 when [TS]

  she was born and her grandmother was 22 [TS]

  when her mother was born and her [TS]

  great-grandmother was 22 and we we just [TS]

  sat and calculated it and even back just [TS]

  to the 19th century we it was very easy [TS]

  to see like she was already like two [TS]

  generations ahead of me based on the [TS]

  number of relatives it took to get back [TS]

  to 1805 got it got it and so what that [TS]

  means is that within my family there are [TS]

  all these anachronisms all these strange [TS]

  verbal tics and the weird preferences [TS]

  like you having exposure to so much like [TS]

  big band music or me having like way [TS]

  more exposure to the comic style of the [TS]

  1930s then say the 60s mm-hmm you know [TS]

  I'm saying like you know like you know [TS]

  my dad was really into the Marx Brothers [TS]

  and the Ritz brothers and Evan Costello [TS]

  and all this kind of stuff so that stuff [TS]

  was always in Jimmy Durante that stuff [TS]

  was just always around like to the point [TS]

  where when I was in a talent show when I [TS]

  was like eight I was doing it Jimmy [TS]

  Durante impersonation 75 that doesn't [TS]

  make any sense [TS]

  I dressed as Groucho Marx for the for [TS]

  Halloween in like 1980 Wow [TS]

  a grouch was still a lot but yeah but [TS]

  you know it's it's related all the way I [TS]

  mean I hear it in a lot of the things a [TS]

  lot of the affectations of my people I [TS]

  may have even mentioned this to you [TS]

  before but [TS]

  mom refers to Napoleon as Bonaparte [TS]

  derisively yeah [TS]

  because if you trace her family back [TS]

  like she her people were on the [TS]

  receiving end of Bonaparte ISM in a way [TS]

  that she and not and not just with she [TS]

  doesn't just say it with contempt she [TS]

  says it with AD admiring contempt like [TS]

  except out General Sherman or something [TS]

  yeah he's the bad guy but also like you [TS]

  know he's well I mean yet enough that [TS]

  you refer to him by his by his patch and [TS]

  often enough that your son notices it as [TS]

  kind of an odd bit yeah right or my [TS]

  mom's complete contempt for Appalachian [TS]

  people well which is because her what [TS]

  was it her great-grandfather was a Civil [TS]

  War veteran and and she knew him and you [TS]

  know we're high winds let's be honest [TS]

  we'd like to believe that we are at the [TS]

  top of the Appalachian food West [TS]

  Virginia give me a break [TS]

  but my people call me my my older [TS]

  relatives called me John John from the [TS]

  time I was born [TS]

  John John and they still call me John [TS]

  John to this day which feels like an [TS]

  which feels like a nickname from another [TS]

  time yeah you know like nobody really [TS]

  calls people John John John Hodgman gets [TS]

  called John John I don't think he'd have [TS]

  it no I don't think so my sister decided [TS]

  at some I don't know if she decided her [TS]

  maybe I decided but we started calling [TS]

  her Sousou oh that's sweet yeah and it [TS]

  becomes its own little you know it [TS]

  becomes kind of a name as you Su Su Su [TS]

  but no my friends have tried to nickname [TS]

  me a thousand times [TS]

  and it usually bounces off there was a [TS]

  there was a little period in high school [TS]

  where I was called a rad dog rat dog [TS]

  just just to be clear these are [TS]

  nicknames that were given to you by [TS]

  others yeah it's my bone type situation [TS]

  know or like when my dad when my dad [TS]

  tried to write at some point in his life [TS]

  tried to convince me that in college [TS]

  he'd been cult spider I was like nobody [TS]

  are [TS]

  no no I was me I was nicknamed spider [TS]

  uh-huh by my fraternity brothers I was [TS]

  like that no one called you spider a [TS]

  single time don't don't kid that's a [TS]

  retcon you know yeah but there were some [TS]

  there were some kids in my you know I [TS]

  went partly in high school to a school [TS]

  within a school mm-hmm that one over you [TS]

  had to go down the hallway right yeah [TS]

  and there were some kids in the school [TS]

  within a school that I think later as a [TS]

  group of people as a group of like five [TS]

  friends all became born-again oh my but [TS]

  but they were they were pretty hilarious [TS]

  and they were a year ahead of me right [TS]

  so they were juniors when I was a [TS]

  sophomore and they were like funny dudes [TS]

  and nerds funny nerds and one day one of [TS]

  them called me rip-roarin rad dawg [TS]

  radical rock and righteously rascal and [TS]

  reefer and Roderick and somehow this [TS]

  group of nerd dudes took this up and [TS]

  could all say it and it was an honor [TS]

  that this group of five older funny like [TS]

  school within a school nerds had this [TS]

  long complicated nickname for man that [TS]

  takes some effort yeah yeah well but it [TS]

  was the type of it was the type of [TS]

  people they were right I mean I they [TS]

  also had a thing where at one point some [TS]

  AV person was trying to get a filmstrip [TS]

  to work or trying to get some movie to [TS]

  work in a class they were in and all of [TS]

  a sudden I seen somewhere in the middle [TS]

  came screaming on with the volume full [TS]

  up of some woman saying no mustard and [TS]

  then you know they would each say no [TS]

  mustard probably 32 times in a typical [TS]

  school day even how these things work [TS]

  it's early no no it's it's a thing and I [TS]

  mean that's an age where you're more [TS]

  intensely aware of memetic things and [TS]

  you know I got bits today I got stuff [TS]

  I'm still staying as saying today that [TS]

  like I started saying in like junior [TS]

  high high school it's very it's a very [TS]

  me me time ya know mustard [TS]

  haven't said it in a long time but I'm [TS]

  sure that it a long time ago no mustard [TS]

  and it would be a reaction to anything [TS]

  that to anything really these things I [TS]

  got tons of these in my house we have so [TS]

  many of these just between the three of [TS]

  us in our house that are not very [TS]

  interesting to other people but like I [TS]

  love those I mean it's it's there's [TS]

  certain things where if one person says [TS]

  something like a certain word or phrase [TS]

  everybody else will automatically say [TS]

  something sometimes in a funny voice [TS]

  more like there will be like like a [TS]

  certain cadence to how you say something [TS]

  that makes everybody didn't say the [TS]

  catchphrase I love that stuff mm-hmm [TS]

  somehow rad dog rad dog red dog [TS]

  percolated out of this rip-roarin rad [TS]

  dog business and it got shortened to [TS]

  that and then it went let's just say it [TS]

  went viral and in my high school among [TS]

  people who knew me not everybody called [TS]

  me that obviously like my girlfriend [TS]

  didn't but but they're aware of it yeah [TS]

  everybody was aware of it and people did [TS]

  call me that and I think there are still [TS]

  people in the world who might say that [TS]

  to me if it popped into their head I'm [TS]

  not gonna say it I respect the mean in [TS]

  this case that's an important mean but I [TS]

  that doesn't suit you not that you're [TS]

  not red nor a dog it just doesn't it's [TS]

  not on-brand for John 2017 no it's some [TS]

  it's the nickname of somebody that every [TS]

  time he goes off a mogul he does a [TS]

  backscratcher [TS]

  hmm see I'm thinking like I I like the [TS]

  anchorman I think that that's one that [TS]

  could definitely it's good it's good but [TS]

  but it feels like something that people [TS]

  who were talking about me would say to [TS]

  each other [TS]

  nobody's gonna come up to me and say [TS]

  like hello the anchorman have you seen [TS]

  have you seen the anchorman today yeah [TS]

  are like oh yeah he was talking to the [TS]

  anchorman mm-hmm and I don't think it's [TS]

  I don't think it's that sticky that it's [TS]

  gonna turn into that most people I have [TS]

  found and I bet this is true [TS]

  well maybe not of you but most people [TS]

  call me by my full name yes I have known [TS]

  I have no I see I hate to say names [TS]

  because then people gonna be able to [TS]

  come up but I have friend in college his [TS]

  name was Patricia frou and her [TS]

  her name her Kenny was paddy fruit and [TS]

  you never call her paddy even wouldn't [TS]

  call her freak our paddy fruit cuz it [TS]

  feels great to say paddy fruit paddy [TS]

  fruit don't you don't look at petty [TS]

  petty fruit and John Roderick is just [TS]

  it's still it's a lot of syllables to to [TS]

  get out but it's just it's what makes [TS]

  sense to people that's got a nice rhythm [TS]

  to it though yeah John Roderick and I [TS]

  guess that somewhere somewhere recently [TS]

  somebody oh oh yeah I've told you this [TS]

  before my first my first email address [TS]

  was hotrod at Capitol Hill dunno get [TS]

  read that's a little cafe there yeah and [TS]

  there are a lot of people that would [TS]

  still call me hot rodder I've referred [TS]

  to you as hot you know I want to put [TS]

  that on the list I've called you hot rod [TS]

  yeah hot rod huh I've called you that [TS]

  that's that's what you are in my when I [TS]

  get a text from you that's the nickname [TS]

  I've given you in the Apple contacts out [TS]

  oh that's wonderful hot rod well they [TS]

  I'm glad that survives yeah that's a [TS]

  good know that one kind of works that's [TS]

  you guys that's got that's got aspects [TS]

  to it to it you know what I mean yeah [TS]

  yeah yeah it does it's it it it does [TS]

  still work but it doesn't feel like [TS]

  something I would want somebody younger [TS]

  than me who doesn't know me to come up [TS]

  to me on the street and call me that [TS]

  yeah it's a little bit of a friend [TS]

  nickname but I wouldn't want somebody to [TS]

  come up and be like hi hey hot rod I [TS]

  really loved your show I'd be like hmm [TS]

  I'd give a little bit of a gasp face to [TS]

  that whereas rad dog if somebody if you [TS]

  know if like somebody came up and was [TS]

  like a rad dog all the great shows I'd [TS]

  be like okay alright I'd give them the [TS]

  finger guns you're making that an [TS]

  opening here saying if somebody sees you [TS]

  at the mall they can say that to you is [TS]

  that okay I mean I it's not like I'm [TS]

  saying do it mmm-hmm I'm not [TS]

  recommending it I'm just saying like [TS]

  don't call me hot rod what I'm saying [TS]

  don't call me all right [TS]

  and and then joke joke Oh Joe [TS]

  Joko turned all of us into Joe rose and [TS]

  Joe hose and you know what I mean like [TS]

  when because we're all sort of Joe and [TS]

  John Scalzi is easy just call Joe skull [TS]

  I don't think it goes that far [TS]

  Jesse Joe Kojo Roe and Joe ho those [TS]

  three but that is sounds kind of [TS]

  scooby-doo a little bit it does and it's [TS]

  all it's all Joe co-dependent I'm you [TS]

  know I'm never gonna be Joe ro outside [TS]

  of yes that although I did have a [TS]

  girlfriend they call me Johnny rod [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  that's the kind of nickname that you got [TS]

  to have it you got to have a cool car if [TS]

  you're called Johnny rod [TS]

  I just remembered one there was a local [TS]

  chain of barbecue restaurants in Pasco [TS]

  County and a guy in my English class [TS]

  decided that I was fat and so he called [TS]

  me fat boy BBQ that boy barbeque pepper [TS]

  barbecue it he'd say the whole thing [TS]

  that boy hey fat boy BBQ how's it going [TS]

  John these names like John Watson he had [TS]

  like a real plain name yeah John Watson [TS]

  there was a kid named John Watson in [TS]

  Anchorage but he was a member I think he [TS]

  was either a member or the brother of [TS]

  one of the guys in a punk band called [TS]

  the exhumed and the exhumed were famous [TS]

  in Anchorage for being like really [TS]

  really bad dudes who know I mean they [TS]

  would like find dead cats and nail him [TS]

  to a cross real stuff yeah real stuff [TS]

  and they were they were the you know [TS]

  they were the real deal but they you [TS]

  know they were just like some they were [TS]

  just some kids they weren't they weren't [TS]

  the they weren't like whatever the real [TS]

  deal is but and I have no way of knowing [TS]

  whether or not they nailed the dead cat [TS]

  to a to a tree I just heard that sure [TS]

  that's all you need [TS]

  I mean that's right once you get the rap [TS]

  yeah well that's crazy Dan sorry might [TS]

  might you Bennifer my echo device [TS]

  talking I did what did you what did your [TS]

  Alexis aim well see today is a fraud day [TS]

  John I hope that by the time that this [TS]

  airs something will have been fixed but [TS]

  there's a huge problem right now so [TS]

  right now I'm leaving this in right now [TS]

  the encryption that secures [TS]

  Wi-Fi husband has been mostly hacked [TS]

  kind of mostly so pretty much it's [TS]

  unclear what the full extent of this is [TS]

  but it's safe to assume right now that [TS]

  anything you're doing over Wi-Fi can be [TS]

  unencrypted so this is actually an [TS]

  opportunity for you to rewrite the [TS]

  encryption this episode of Roderick on [TS]

  the line is brought to you by Mack [TS]

  Weldon you can learn more about Mack [TS]

  Weldon right now by visiting you guessed [TS]

  it Mack Weldon dot-com listen team this [TS]

  is a new sponsor for us and I am legit [TS]

  excited that they're here I'm gonna tell [TS]

  you why first of all Roderick and I love [TS]

  money let's just take that as red [TS]

  money's a good thing but it also happens [TS]

  that I am a huge fan of Mack Wheldon's [TS]

  clothes and I buy an unconscionable [TS]

  amount of their stuff using my very own [TS]

  American money I had an order last week [TS]

  and there's another one on the way today [TS]

  real talk [TS]

  I love this stuff you see Mack Weldon [TS]

  makes stuff like shirts doing pants [TS]

  hoodies socks and yes also there [TS]

  internationally famous underwear [TS]

  these pieces are each all just insanely [TS]

  comfortable they're sturdy and they're [TS]

  well made they fit great they look [TS]

  handsome they feel amazing today I want [TS]

  to talk to you about Mack Weldon shirts [TS]

  this is a special interest of mine [TS]

  because personally they make my favorite [TS]

  shirts it is what I wear all the time [TS]

  first off they make something I adore [TS]

  called the Pima long sleeve t-shirt mmm [TS]

  magnifique [TS]

  I'm making a chef mouth right there you [TS]

  can see that I guess well I'm not [TS]

  comfortable admitting how many of these [TS]

  I actually own I will tell you that they [TS]

  are literally my daily go-to top layer [TS]

  unless the occasion demands otherwise [TS]

  you will find me wearing one of these [TS]

  boys every day they are just the best [TS]

  also I know this one sounds weird but I [TS]

  love their plain white t-shirts I know [TS]

  it's an underrated garment they are [TS]

  hearty well tailor they have a nice long [TS]

  tail keeps your shirt tucked in like [TS]

  you're a big boy I switch to these last [TS]

  year full time all the way in I never [TS]

  looked back they're the best I threw [TS]

  away all my other t-shirts Mac Weldon [TS]

  shirts all at wear then of course I have [TS]

  to mention they have their magical [TS]

  Underpants Mac Walton has a line of [TS]

  silver underwear and shirts that are [TS]

  naturally antimicrobial and that means [TS]

  they help eliminate odor they want you [TS]

  to be comfortable so listen if you don't [TS]

  like [TS]

  first pair you keep it and they will [TS]

  still refund you no questions asked what [TS]

  a deal Mack Weldon you guys thank you so [TS]

  listen please you go to head over Mack [TS]

  Weldon calm have a look around when you [TS]

  found something you like and you are [TS]

  ready to check out please utilize our [TS]

  very special promo code ro TL the four [TS]

  letters are o TL you get 20% off your [TS]

  first order and help support our show [TS]

  what a great new sponsor [TS]

  sincerely our thanks to Mack Weldon for [TS]

  supporting Roderick on the line and all [TS]

  the great shows livin large yeah no I [TS]

  know I'm in full lockdown mode I I [TS]

  turned off Wi-Fi on everything that I [TS]

  have I've turned off my Wi-Fi routers [TS]

  I've turned Wi-Fi off on my devices and [TS]

  that was my Amazon echo telling me that [TS]

  it can't find the internet I got my [TS]

  security camera bleeping red right now [TS]

  my lights are off so I can't say Alexa [TS]

  yeah what is the average rainfall in the [TS]

  Amazon basin hmm what does she say when [TS]

  you ask her that she's gonna have some [TS]

  witty retort that's one of her really [TS]

  retort question it's already retort but [TS]

  sometimes you know she just it's you [TS]

  gotta say it a certain way but you know [TS]

  you can say stuff like how much does the [TS]

  president way and don't usually get it [TS]

  so yeah that's a that's a huge deal this [TS]

  is a big deal I hope that gets happen [TS]

  what's the Russians I don't know I maybe [TS]

  got hacked [TS]

  supposedly yeah this is this is an [TS]

  exploitation that's out there in the [TS]

  wild it has to do with the four-way [TS]

  handshake it's the four-way handshake is [TS]

  the problem Holly if anything weird [TS]

  happens that just write it down to that [TS]

  so is this a situation where like a la [TS]

  Matt how're your garage doors going up [TS]

  and down and your it could be a Vladimir [TS]

  Putin opening your garage door you know [TS]

  I'm saying you imagine the insanity if [TS]

  the Russians opened every garage door in [TS]

  the country at once that would wake some [TS]

  people up yeah dogs and cats sleeping [TS]

  together yeah sure no one change the [TS]

  body politic if you didn't control your [TS]

  own garage door anymore he who controls [TS]

  the garage door controls the destiny you [TS]

  can have somebody come in steal your [TS]

  cordless drill you know I'm saying he is [TS]

  your density mm-hmm I want to ask you [TS]

  something and you you can feel free to [TS]

  ignore this you can feel free to tell me [TS]

  to cut this out but I wanted to share an [TS]

  anecdote about something that happened [TS]

  yesterday because I feel like it's [TS]

  something we need to explore can I share [TS]

  what happened yesterday yeah I know I'm [TS]

  dying to hear it well at some point [TS]

  better record this it's Monday October [TS]

  16th Wi-Fi is not working I think it was [TS]

  on probably I guess I could go look back [TS]

  I think probably on Saturday night maybe [TS]

  you texted me and oh yeah here we go [TS]

  here we go okay so yeah so on the 14th [TS]

  which would be Saturday I was telling [TS]

  you some offline administrative things [TS]

  you said that's exciting he said and [TS]

  then he said yes yesterday at 9:00 a.m. [TS]

  being Sunday you said on at 10:00 and I [TS]

  said you bet and then a certain time [TS]

  later I believe around 1001 he say [TS]

  except today is Sunday yeah and then I [TS]

  felt bad cuz I thought oh my god like I [TS]

  would net I would personally I'm not [TS]

  dying bragging but I would never if [TS]

  there are any two days I would never [TS]

  confuse it's sad it's Sunday and Monday [TS]

  but somehow you had an alarm set you you [TS]

  were planned and ready to go and you [TS]

  thought sunday was Monday Saturday night [TS]

  at 11 o'clock at night or whatever I [TS]

  leaned over and grabbed my phone and was [TS]

  like better set my alarm for for the [TS]

  show tomorrow we should tell our [TS]

  listeners we're trying an experiment [TS]

  inside the experiment which is going [TS]

  back to our tanning and recording time [TS]

  going back to 10 because 9 wasn't [TS]

  working for now yeah that's that's a [TS]

  wrinkle [TS]

  mm-hm and what happens with me and this [TS]

  show is that I set my alarm for 9:45 [TS]

  because I know that I have 15 minutes [TS]

  after I wake up to microwave one cup of [TS]

  coffee and open my computer yeah and [TS]

  that's all I need all I need is 15 [TS]

  minutes to like come come awake and [TS]

  sometimes I don't come all the way awake [TS]

  you may have noticed until you start [TS]

  talking to me and then I'm like [TS]

  what and then that then I am there it's [TS]

  like yeah you know it's its ambitious 15 [TS]

  minutes is ambitious but you some of the [TS]

  time have been here at 10 a.m. yeah [TS]

  absolutely the case and I like to fly a [TS]

  little close to the Sun just enough that [TS]

  the wax in my wings softens without [TS]

  melting you can soften wax without it [TS]

  melting it's a lot like you jumping on [TS]

  the plane at the last minute jumping off [TS]

  the Muni at the last minute that's right [TS]

  if you're always Telegraph your [TS]

  movements a couple of days ago I flew to [TS]

  San Francisco for 24 hours and as I was [TS]

  leaving for the airport I said I'm only [TS]

  gonna be in San Francisco for 24 hours [TS]

  what should I pack and I thought about [TS]

  it and I was like I'm going to I didn't [TS]

  have a hotel arranged yet oh my god I [TS]

  talked about close to the Sun she's I [TS]

  said I'll get a hotel on my phone while [TS]

  I'm at the airport and then I was [TS]

  sitting there and I'm thinking like what [TS]

  do I bring I'm gonna be there for 24 [TS]

  hours and then I said oh I know the [TS]

  answer nothing I'll bring nothing so I [TS]

  put my coat on and I walked out the door [TS]

  and I went to the airport and at the [TS]

  airport I thought I did something I [TS]

  never do which is download an app which [TS]

  was some kind of app that was that said [TS]

  last minute hotels because all of the [TS]

  hotels that are like a hotel tonight a [TS]

  hotel tonight type of thing most of the [TS]

  hotels that I normally stayed at stay at [TS]

  in San Francisco when I went to their [TS]

  websites and said what's the chance of [TS]

  me getting out tell rim tonight that's [TS]

  an open table type situation where it's [TS]

  like ma'am sorry nothing well well well [TS]

  the answer was that chances are great [TS]

  $600 and I'm like uh no $600 is the same [TS]

  as no hotel but I went on this thing [TS]

  which was something like hotels tonight [TS]

  and I got a hotel in what they describe [TS]

  this the great thing about San Francisco [TS]

  they describe it as Union Square [TS]

  [Laughter] [TS]

  really good bargain she's like it's [TS]

  great it's likely the Ambassador Hotel [TS]

  and you square with a Commodore or [TS]

  something like never get anything with [TS]

  the with like a military title like [TS]

  never get anything it sounds fancy that [TS]

  says Union Square yeah do not get the [TS]

  one neighborhood in America that has not [TS]

  changed one iota since 1972 like you [TS]

  still go down in the Tenderloin and it [TS]

  looks like an arc rum drawings yeah of [TS]

  people just like I mean that's bad it's [TS]

  just it's not funny and it has gotten [TS]

  super schmooper bad it's not shocking to [TS]

  people who come to town now in the last [TS]

  - even in the last two years like what [TS]

  what is happening on sixth Street is [TS]

  like unbelievable [TS]

  it's extraordinary it really is like [TS]

  it's not like it's not we're saying oh [TS]

  it's really sad there's lots of people [TS]

  sitting on the street like I can't I [TS]

  don't even want to tell you on a family [TS]

  podcast what kind of stuff is the [TS]

  extreme hieronymus bosch s human misery [TS]

  that is happening at a scale in order of [TS]

  magnitude greater than you think right [TS]

  now where there are literally people [TS]

  shitting publicly like up and down the [TS]

  street shooting up screaming and crying [TS]

  it is really it's very Bosh speaking of [TS]

  someone who just stayed there [TS]

  attack what in the u n-- Square area in [TS]

  the Union Square area what's incredible [TS]

  is that right there on market are the [TS]

  headquarters of medium and uber and with [TS]

  Twitter and a dozen of the darkness yeah [TS]

  a dozen other tech companies the hotel [TS]

  the Bisou that I stayed in has in the [TS]

  downstairs a craft cocktail bar where [TS]

  the bartender had a handlebar mustache [TS]

  and was playing Tupac but when I went up [TS]

  to the to the desk to check-in [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  the receptionist said would you like it [TS]

  quiet room or a normal room that's [TS]

  that's an unusual level of candor it was [TS]

  an ice you know what I said would you [TS]

  say I'll take a normal room oh she [TS]

  didn't see that coming but on a high [TS]

  floor and so she put me on the top floor [TS]

  where I was able to hear in the course [TS]

  of the night at least one person who [TS]

  screamed almost continuously for two [TS]

  hours you could tell it was the same [TS]

  person for two hours and then at some [TS]

  point around 4:00 in the morning six [TS]

  shots fired into the air or what I [TS]

  presumed to be the air and this is like [TS]

  two blocks from market where the next [TS]

  morning when I woke up it was just a [TS]

  swarm of like techy wiki's on their way [TS]

  to work II work II on their little [TS]

  hoverboards and and and it's just like [TS]

  how how in the world does this work [TS]

  importantly these are people who are one [TS]

  might say commuting in they don't they [TS]

  don't live in the Union Square area [TS]

  no no they zoom in they zoom in on them [TS]

  but but so I arrived and I and this is [TS]

  you know there are big fires outside of [TS]

  San Francisco the whole city is shrouded [TS]

  in the like it looks like Tatooine [TS]

  I mean it's everything's orange it's [TS]

  super weird shrouded in the like in the [TS]

  dashed hopes and dreams of a hundred [TS]

  thousand or hundreds of thousands of [TS]

  people like it's just the ashes of [TS]

  Sonoma covering everything and the air [TS]

  it smells like a campfire and it's [TS]

  really weird so that's a very strange [TS]

  time for you to be here it was strange [TS]

  and you know Seattle had a big fires [TS]

  this year too up in British Columbia and [TS]

  that smoke kind of came down over [TS]

  Seattle but those British Columbia fires [TS]

  were happening mostly in like untouched [TS]

  forest so our forest fires were like it [TS]

  just smelled like a burning forest but [TS]

  yeah your fires were like burning towns [TS]

  yeah [TS]

  which was some heavy heavy duty stuff [TS]

  but this is all by way of describing the [TS]

  fact that I went to my show and then I [TS]

  woke up in the morning and I did a [TS]

  podcast with a friend and I met another [TS]

  one of our mutual friends at his man [TS]

  cave for a little while nice and then I [TS]

  got and I was doing when this was all [TS]

  walking around and then I got on a train [TS]

  and I went to the airport and at no [TS]

  point did I have any kind of of there [TS]

  was nothing even in my hands it was just [TS]

  I was wearing a jacket [TS]

  did you bring like a backpack or [TS]

  something I brought zero you you brought [TS]

  shut your mouth you can't go you are a [TS]

  brave man you got on a plane and flew to [TS]

  another state with the clothes on your [TS]

  back [TS]

  yeah with with not even a not even like [TS]

  an overcoat but with a blazer you're [TS]

  Batman [TS]

  and it was so when it was time to get on [TS]

  the plane it was like I I'm back to last [TS]

  on the plane because what the fuck do I [TS]

  care you can't do anything to you I mean [TS]

  like you have you know nothing got to [TS]

  tie you I don't need any I don't need to [TS]

  put anything on I'm gonna go over to [TS]

  borrow and get a lasagna just cuz I [TS]

  can't yeah I'm gonna sit here right I'm [TS]

  gonna sit here and just stare at the [TS]

  gate agent while they call my name three [TS]

  times cuz I mean those Hanyu still like [TS]

  it didn't nothing mattered I was a truly [TS]

  free yeah I was a free man just like you [TS]

  know I think I probably told you about [TS]

  my first trip to Europe I got robbed [TS]

  about halfway through and I had a [TS]

  backpack that had everything you go yes [TS]

  I remember this amp and and it was [TS]

  another situation where I was I spent a [TS]

  week just in deep mourning over all my [TS]

  lost socks and you know I lost a carton [TS]

  of cigarettes and my Walkman and all [TS]

  this stuff and then that period of [TS]

  mourning ended suddenly when I realized [TS]

  oh shit I don't have anything like I [TS]

  don't have anything yeah and it was [TS]

  really liberating right I traveled in [TS]

  Europe with nothing for I don't know [TS]

  three months I didn't have a thing [TS]

  I I just washed my clothes in the sink I [TS]

  mean I'm sure I smell terrible I'm sure [TS]

  I look terrible [TS]

  yeah but you know what you're a fucking [TS]

  student like compared to the French [TS]

  hippies that we're staying in the same [TS]

  youth hostel as I was I looked pretty [TS]

  pretty group [TS]

  speaking of groom uh-huh listen listen [TS]

  I'm processing this because I'm thinking [TS]

  about as I'm sure I've mentioned to you [TS]

  I did this thing when I packed where I [TS]

  and Idol did this is much anymore but I [TS]

  used to pack as though I were not only a [TS]

  different person than I am [TS]

  but I were that I was perhaps two to six [TS]

  different people than Who I am [TS]

  well I would I would like right now I [TS]

  wear I don't see I wear the same clothes [TS]

  every day I wear the same type of [TS]

  clothes pretty much every day including [TS]

  our sponsor for this episode thank you [TS]

  Mike Walden I frequently will just all [TS]

  wear jeans and a t-shirt and a [TS]

  long-sleeve shirt over that and then [TS]

  like a hoodie or something and somehow [TS]

  when I'm preparing to go anywhere I to [TS]

  quote some thought I turned it into [TS]

  Diana Ross and I'm bringing evening [TS]

  gowns for events that I have not been [TS]

  invited to and I'm bringing changes of [TS]

  socks that have absolutely no [TS]

  association with how often I would [TS]

  actually change my socks I've never [TS]

  needed in the modern era to change my [TS]

  socks more than once in a day right and [TS]

  it's oh you're going on a four-day trip [TS]

  and you take 11 pairs exactly right well [TS]

  the only thing I fell short on when I go [TS]

  to a warm climate because I'm so used to [TS]

  not being in a warm climate I sometimes [TS]

  forget that I need more bottom layer [TS]

  shirts than I think that's the only time [TS]

  I have less than I need but I weigh [TS]

  overcompensate so the reason I'm saying [TS]

  all of this is you're describing a dream [TS]

  to me like what you did it was very very [TS]

  brave and I'm very impressed [TS]

  well it's phenomenal and also I think [TS]

  one of the things that helped was I knew [TS]

  that the two people I was going to see [TS]

  on Friday were not people I was gonna [TS]

  see on Thursday and unless unless [TS]

  somebody drove past me on on Castro [TS]

  after seeing me Thursday night they [TS]

  weren't gonna see me Friday [TS]

  the Red Dog wear the same clothes there [TS]

  is and so not only did I wear one outfit [TS]

  but I didn't even wear like a blue shirt [TS]

  and a blue blazer I wore a bright orange [TS]

  blazer with a like an orange plaid tie [TS]

  so basically I was saying to the world [TS]

  like if there's even a if there's even a [TS]

  delay of my flight mm-hmm [TS]

  I'm the guy in the two day old orange [TS]

  blazer but as it as it was like I rolled [TS]

  into my house more or less the same time [TS]

  that I left it the following day and I [TS]

  took my coat off and put it on a hanger [TS]

  like fucking Mister Rogers [TS]

  yeah yeah and I was like doo doo doo [TS]

  what's next and it was pretty good [TS]

  pretty that's really impressive I know I [TS]

  know it felt it felt it felt like in the [TS]

  next oh and I got the chance I was [TS]

  sitting next to somebody on the plane [TS]

  who was kind of unfriendly to the [TS]

  stewardess and it's fairly Curt with me [TS]

  and was actually transcribing things off [TS]

  of his phone onto a notepad like we're [TS]

  looking at his phone and then writing it [TS]

  down on a notepad I was like interesting [TS]

  and he's wearing a pole a polo shirt he [TS]

  just sort of looks like a he's one of [TS]

  those people that probably is my age but [TS]

  when I look at him I'm like what's up [TS]

  dad [TS]

  I know I know I know the type yeah and [TS]

  so and and like in the the the flight [TS]

  attendant asks him what he wants to [TS]

  drink and his reaction is what instead [TS]

  of like how many things is she gonna say [TS]

  to you right like be that guy yeah you [TS]

  one nothing when you do that what do you [TS]

  mean what anyway so he keeps working and [TS]

  then I look at him again and I and he [TS]

  said one other sort of Curt one word [TS]

  replied to the stewardess and he hadn't [TS]

  spoken to me in the entire first half of [TS]

  the flight yeah except to kind of be [TS]

  like what when I asked him some question [TS]

  I looked over at him and I was like [TS]

  minute and I said are you Dutch [TS]

  he's a Dutch and he turned and he said [TS]

  what's no he turned excited eyes wide [TS]

  open he was like yes how can you tell [TS]

  how can I tell [TS]

  wow you're beautiful and then he [TS]

  immediately could not stop talking and [TS]

  talk to me for the entire rest of the [TS]

  flight we talked about the political [TS]

  situation in every single country in [TS]

  Europe we talked about brexit we talked [TS]

  about and his opinions of brexit from [TS]

  top to bottom we talked about Trump from [TS]

  top to toe just opened right up because [TS]

  less I write nice I recognized him as [TS]

  Dutch and it was it's just a little [TS]

  something in his accent and then it all [TS]

  came together I was like wow no wait a [TS]

  minute it's all fits [TS]

  of course he's done and he lives on the [TS]

  coast he lives on in the coast in a town [TS]

  that I've been to so we had all this [TS]

  stuff in common [TS]

  it's Dutch the place where you were in [TS]

  the sand that's in the place where I was [TS]

  in the sand yeah I'm pret in fact I was [TS]

  a gravy boat of suffering yeah and I was [TS]

  probably three miles from his house and [TS]

  I'll be hornswoggled what are the [TS]

  choices I didn't bring that story up to [TS]

  him because it's always weird when [TS]

  somebody especially from Europe is like [TS]

  oh yeah I live outside of Castle and I'm [TS]

  like I've been to your town and they go [TS]

  really I'm like yeah well you know I was [TS]

  passing through I leave it at that [TS]

  because because if you're just meeting [TS]

  somebody and you say yeah I walked [TS]

  through your town on the way to Istanbul [TS]

  it's sort of like you set up you pull up [TS]

  next to somebody at a bar and you know [TS]

  how you're going and the bartender says [TS]

  you know what would you like and you [TS]

  order some really really complicated [TS]

  uncool drink and then you turn to the [TS]

  person next year and like so woody [TS]

  what's going on it's just like no you're [TS]

  not gonna he turned to the guy next to [TS]

  you he's got a boilermaker when you give [TS]

  you give one of those pregnant kind of [TS]

  remarks that is basically begging people [TS]

  to ask you questions about what he just [TS]

  said it reminds me the second time I [TS]

  sold a sword and Danai [TS]

  oh really okay yeah yeah I just swords [TS]

  and Vietnam what No [TS]

  so anyway I usually say to people oh [TS]

  yeah I was just passing through you know [TS]

  I was a tourist and I was on my way [TS]

  somewhere else they're like no anyway I [TS]

  don't work that's that's your version of [TS]

  like I'm a ceramicist right we'll just [TS]

  lay this down this is fine if you want [TS]

  ask more questions you can ask more [TS]

  questions but I'm you are not on the [TS]

  hook to ask me about sleeping on a beach [TS]

  yeah that's right and we are not gonna [TS]

  go there normally because most people do [TS]

  not follow up right most people are just [TS]

  like oh right well anyway more about me [TS]

  and I was there I enjoyed this guy and [TS]

  he was very he was very very Dutch he [TS]

  was an executive at a at a company that [TS]

  you would recognize the name on [TS]

  international multinational company [TS]

  Philips something like that although [TS]

  headquartered not in the Netherlands [TS]

  like rare's it's a the rarest occasion [TS]

  where a multinational company with a [TS]

  Dutch executive Gordon chakra I think of [TS]

  Dutch companies I know well but this was [TS]

  an American company they just had a see [TS]

  he took him he turned it okay yeah he [TS]

  took be turned it right it's not LG or [TS]

  whatever it's like another thing and and [TS]

  he had been trapped in San Francisco by [TS]

  the fires because 80 flights got [TS]

  canceled right and he was only flying to [TS]

  Seattle with me in order to get on [TS]

  another flight to Schiphol Airport in [TS]

  Amsterdam the following day so he wasn't [TS]

  coming he was like oh yeah Seattle's a [TS]

  nice city but I'm I'm just I'm laying [TS]

  over baby mm-hmm [TS]

  anyway it was very it was very enjoyable [TS]

  to interact with him but I did have the [TS]

  one two swords in Danang moments where [TS]

  because I had of course developed a good [TS]

  rapport with the flight attendant [TS]

  because when she said what would you [TS]

  like to drink sir I said well I better [TS]

  not have another ginger ale because I've [TS]

  already had two and that's my limit or [TS]

  whatever money whatever kind of dad [TS]

  thing my dad would say that I say what [TS]

  did I just eat Jack you late without [TS]

  even hearing myself [TS]

  to try I don't even remember what it was [TS]

  just fall out of you it was something [TS]

  like that it was like what a string I [TS]

  don't know what would you recommend [TS]

  what's the house special here crazy can [TS]

  I give you an extra bag of peanut but [TS]

  she said something to me at one point [TS]

  and I said oh well you know I travel [TS]

  without luggage so it won't be a problem [TS]

  for me oh you you're like yeah I don't [TS]

  know a TV guy yeah but I but the rare [TS]

  occasion where you can be the I don't [TS]

  own luggage guy and I even as I said it [TS]

  I realized oh this is two swords and [TS]

  done hmm but and they both looked at me [TS]

  he turned and looked at me and she [TS]

  looked at me but but again neither one [TS]

  followed up on that and I didn't press [TS]

  the issue I just sort of looked away and [TS]

  was like wow wow I just I just I just [TS]

  dropped that little bit of science on [TS]

  them but then when it was time to get up [TS]

  and get off the plane I stood up and it [TS]

  was I mean I didn't make it gesture like [TS]

  you know like wiping my hands off see [TS]

  you later [TS]

  but I did you know I just stood up and [TS]

  walked off the plane what are you gonna [TS]

  do nothing holding you down no I could [TS]

  go down me if they plane had crashed I [TS]

  could have gone right out the emergency [TS]

  exit then right on the raft you what you [TS]

  wouldn't hesitate because your windows [TS]

  laptop is in the overhead no nothing [TS]

  nothing a phone charger I had a phone [TS]

  charger in the pocket of my blazer okay [TS]

  I did do that I did have one thing did [TS]

  you get a toothbrush at the hotel Bijou [TS]

  the hotel because you provided a [TS]

  toothbrush nice some other things but [TS]

  you know toothbrush like a cheap one [TS]

  wrapped in a piece of plastic that's all [TS]

  you need is brush you know the hotel [TS]

  please you when I walked in the door [TS]

  there was a section of the carpet [TS]

  that had been so I don't know I don't [TS]

  even know what it was probably a blood [TS]

  stain but what they done was they just [TS]

  cut it out they just cut a square out of [TS]

  the carpet and put another piece of [TS]

  carpet in there [TS]

  but that but the new carpet was a darker [TS]

  shade than the old carpet because the [TS]

  old carpet was either it impossible to [TS]

  match or had faded so much maybe they [TS]

  stopped making it they stopped making [TS]

  that ma'am that's right and I walked in [TS]

  and I looked at the room and it was [TS]

  clean and it was nice and the bed look [TS]

  nice oh you're talking about you got us [TS]

  you had a fresh square carpeting in your [TS]

  in your hotel room on the floor of my [TS]

  hotel ooh [TS]

  well but I think it was Lobby or [TS]

  something so it's not a where spot it's [TS]

  like it's like somebody yeah she's like [TS]

  down here it's like somebody cleaned a [TS]

  salmon in there I looked at the bed I [TS]

  checked the bed it was it was nice it [TS]

  was clean it was newish I called down to [TS]

  the front desk and said I need some non [TS]

  feather pillows and they scrambled they [TS]

  said they didn't have any but I have the [TS]

  feeling that the the service was good [TS]

  enough there that I that some but [TS]

  manager might have gone over to two [TS]

  coals and bought two because eventually [TS]

  someone came upstairs with two fresh [TS]

  foam pillows and I and I realized in the [TS]

  last several years most of the hotel [TS]

  rooms I stay and have been paid for by [TS]

  someone else who's like come to the [TS]

  thing and here's your hotel and so those [TS]

  hotels are of a class that I normally [TS]

  wouldn't book for myself where I walk in [TS]

  and I'm like oh la la [TS]

  you know like ring ring Garcon bring me [TS]

  a steak sandwich it's not a place where [TS]

  you could ask for just a bucket of ice [TS]

  and they would bring it to you and they [TS]

  wouldn't groan right right or like what [TS]

  we're like where I say you know what I [TS]

  don't like everything would you change [TS]

  it and they're like of course Wow so I [TS]

  walked into this place and I realized oh [TS]

  this is actually the class of hotel room [TS]

  that I am uses your class yeah this is [TS]

  not a hotel room that someone would buy [TS]

  for me because they wouldn't they [TS]

  wouldn't say like oh let's get him one [TS]

  in Union [TS]

  Square quote unquote they would say oh [TS]

  we have to put him up somewhere you know [TS]

  we have to put him up at the hotel [TS]

  kabuki and so I was i I kind of felt [TS]

  great I there was a feeling washed over [TS]

  me of like yes this is for 20 years this [TS]

  was the hotel that I stayed in and it [TS]

  felt like coming home and so I sat there [TS]

  and I listened to the people screaming [TS]

  in the street and I looked at my little [TS]

  patch of carpet and you know what it did [TS]

  have was a bathroom that had not been [TS]

  restored where the bathtub was taken out [TS]

  and replaced with a stand-up fucking [TS]

  shower it still had the bathtub with the [TS]

  tile around it [TS]

  it was like it still had wind Oh Merlin [TS]

  it was on the sixth floor Linga stood [TS]

  open windows open dog oh my god all the [TS]

  way I opened him all the way out I [TS]

  leaned out I could have smoked a [TS]

  cigarette there was a fire escape like [TS]

  look at the pictures of this place it's [TS]

  a it's a hell of a place it felt like [TS]

  coming home that's a good feeling it's [TS]

  just pure John you didn't have any any [TS]

  hindrances you just see right you got in [TS]

  you got out I hung up my blazer on a [TS]

  hook and then in the morning and I hung [TS]

  up my tie on a hook and then in the [TS]

  morning I got up I put the Blazer back [TS]

  on and didn't even have to put the tie [TS]

  back on good for you man and went out [TS]

  into the world just like just like Willy [TS]

  Loman you wear every part of the Buffalo [TS]

  yeah yeah fucking yeah so good how'd [TS]

  your gig go Oh a gig was great you know [TS]

  it's lit quake down there right now oh [TS]

  is that right having a set of my cards [TS]

  there was a time I think you remember [TS]

  several several years ago where I made [TS]

  the commitment to myself to begin to [TS]

  think of at least the West Coast as [TS]

  essentially one contiguous urban area [TS]

  like one long urban corridor right yeah [TS]

  so if somebody in Portland said hey [TS]

  we're having a literary festival will [TS]

  you come down [TS]

  I would never say that's like two hour [TS]

  drive I just said yes mm-hmm and when [TS]

  someone in San Francisco said will you [TS]

  come emcee the World Series of poetry at [TS]

  lit quake I said yeah it's an [TS]

  hour-and-a-half flight that cost 150 [TS]

  dollars yes I and if someone said I'm [TS]

  your girlfriend and I live in LA will [TS]

  you come down here 14 times a month it's [TS]

  right on the corridor I would say yes of [TS]

  course I will it's a two-hour flight it [TS]

  costs a hundred and sixty dollars huh [TS]

  and so I got in this habit well hang on [TS]

  so Seattle to LA Seattle San Francisco [TS]

  you those are both those are both [TS]

  virginal they are they're Alaska [TS]

  Airlines but you're still you're still [TS]

  mobbed up with United right uh Delta I [TS]

  will not go on United I wouldn't take [TS]

  United if my city was on fire and I [TS]

  haven't get out I wouldn't go on United [TS]

  strat recruit free flight out of town [TS]

  United nope nobody nope nope no I mean [TS]

  I'm agnostic about American Airlines and [TS]

  I like virgin but you know virgin was [TS]

  purchased by Alaska yeah but we're still [TS]

  in the in the in the period where it's [TS]

  still it's still its own thing we [TS]

  flipped the summer it was terrific [TS]

  okay look more you get one of those big [TS]

  chairs with with with room in front of [TS]

  you and I decide airline John I'm really [TS]

  gonna miss that airline you know I went [TS]

  to an event with Richard Branson earlier [TS]

  this year me too which one did you go to [TS]

  he was dick he was doing his Richard [TS]

  Branson thing where he loon he arrives [TS]

  at a balloon he for whatever reason he [TS]

  travels well I don't know I mean I when [TS]

  I say for whatever reason I know what [TS]

  the reason is he travels everywhere with [TS]

  eight stewardesses dressed in 1960s [TS]

  stewardess outfits like super tight [TS]

  pencil skirts and pillbox hat squad [TS]

  goalie who just roll into a venue before [TS]

  he gets there and just situate [TS]

  themselves around the room and then then [TS]

  he comes and I don't hate that idea [TS]

  Wow geez but then he sat up on the stage [TS]

  and had the kind of temerity to talk [TS]

  about how many well yeah yeah and how [TS]

  men in business need to get hip to [TS]

  feminism and if promote women in there's [TS]

  a cognitive disconnect because none of [TS]

  these none of these air hostesses are [TS]

  older than 26 years old they were not [TS]

  chosen for their like superhuman ability [TS]

  to serve drinks fast no I'll tell you [TS]

  that right but so I met this man [TS]

  actually I met a nice air hostess and we [TS]

  had a wonderful time chatting she was [TS]

  talking to the air hostess it's a joy of [TS]

  my life and she said actually as I [TS]

  quizzed her that her job was exclusively [TS]

  to air hostess on Richard Branson's jet [TS]

  when he flies around the world huh so I [TS]

  follow her on Instagram now and her [TS]

  Instagram posts are just like Here I am [TS]

  by the pool of Dubai Here I am by the [TS]

  tool in Johannesburg Here I am by [TS]

  anywhere Richard Branson goes he carries [TS]

  the this full complement of like 60s [TS]

  attired [TS]

  air hostesses five wouldn't be enough no [TS]

  no no no sometimes I bet it's 14 of I [TS]

  wonder if they know kung fu I wonder if [TS]

  they each have like a special martial [TS]

  arts skill this gal definitely knows [TS]

  kung fu or is able to pick locks or can [TS]

  throw a knife oh she could be like the [TS]

  bomb guy I bet she I bet she no no no [TS]

  the bomb guy would have a British act [TS]

  did have a British accent wait a minute [TS]

  oh my gosh accent oh man they all [TS]

  British accents are from British when I [TS]

  talk to the air hostess let's get [TS]

  something straight [TS]

  first of all well second of all yes I [TS]

  wanted to be I want to be liked to be [TS]

  liked by everyone the first thing with [TS]

  the air hostess is though I want to let [TS]

  them know I'm not gonna be a problem [TS]

  that's right I'm out of my way to make [TS]

  sure you know I'm not gonna be like [TS]

  Dutch right I'm an I'm a nice guy but [TS]

  I'm not a creep right and I mean this is [TS]

  any kind of host or hostess but really [TS]

  what [TS]

  I go in there it's like a soup nazi [TS]

  thing where I'm just like I just want [TS]

  you to know I am I am NOT gonna be a [TS]

  problem I'm gonna be grateful I'm gonna [TS]

  kind of and be quiet I'm not gonna ask [TS]

  for extraordinary things and if there's [TS]

  a pinch you can count on me I got your [TS]

  back yeah that's right that's right I [TS]

  will help you and I hope my hope I hope [TS]

  that does make you like me but like the [TS]

  first of all first things first you know [TS]

  eat your brain like I want you to know I [TS]

  am NOT gonna be a problem here right [TS]

  you're Merlin man you don't think she's [TS]

  just a weight that's very good is that [TS]

  right there's a new alive alive [TS]

  replacements record from eighty five or [TS]

  six no they're good it sounds good I saw [TS]

  them in 1987 and it was that's when they [TS]

  will just be drunk in public a lot yeah [TS]

  I was terrible and in fact at the end of [TS]

  the show little brother mm-hmm the last [TS]

  thing he said into the microphone was he [TS]

  quoted Johnny Rotten at the final Sex [TS]

  Pistols show at the Cow Palace or [TS]

  whatever when he said into the [TS]

  microphone Gemma feel like you've been [TS]

  cheated hmm because the show was so [TS]

  awful and he said that into the mic [TS]

  which was uh he was you know he was [TS]

  referencing another shitty band as [TS]

  levels to it yeah where he was just like [TS]

  yeah if you ever feel like you've been [TS]

  cheated but he said it in his [TS]

  Minneapolis there's a good there's a [TS]

  good nickname for you though his his [TS]

  older brother was known as smokin Bob or [TS]

  smoking and drinking Bob smoking and [TS]

  smoking Bob smoking Bob is a pretty cool [TS]

  nickname it is problems he had a lot a [TS]

  lot a lot of things going on smoking but [TS]

  yeah I I thought you were gonna say [TS]

  cheater cheaters would be a killer [TS]

  nickname cheater [TS]

  what's up cheater cheater who is the guy [TS]

  your guys Skeeter Skeeter yeah Skeeter [TS]

  Skeeter died but cheater cheater our [TS]

  local our local guy think my adoptive [TS]

  local guys having a real rough patch [TS]

  right now yeah see ya hit bottom bumping [TS]

  along yeah yeah yeah you know we got on [TS]

  the train for our daddy-daughter [TS]

  afternoon we do on the weekends [TS]

  and and our local guy was on there and [TS]

  he had to they had to throw him off the [TS]

  train Oh No yeah yeah well here's the [TS]

  problem from like I say his name he's my [TS]

  guy so here's the deal if there's [TS]

  somebody in your area you adopt them and [TS]

  that means every time you see them you [TS]

  give them a certain amount of money [TS]

  every time I see him I give him 20 bucks [TS]

  I know it's not helping but it's helping [TS]

  a little bit but like that'll make his [TS]

  life a little less whatever it is for [TS]

  like a little while I know email John [TS]

  but he's my guy and we know each other [TS]

  not for a long time he was [TS]

  confrontational and violent like at the [TS]

  time when my daughter was a baby he was [TS]

  real scary and I was super sensitive to [TS]

  his scariness and we had lots of yelling [TS]

  matches I've seen this guy the guy with [TS]

  the beard yeah we went out one time we [TS]

  were going to your local Taco Bell [TS]

  Kentucky Fried Chicken yeah we were not [TS]

  going in there because I wouldn't let [TS]

  you we were walking up to the dirty [TS]

  hands dim sum place but we had a [TS]

  confrontation was my second by the ATM [TS]

  right he was sleeping by the ATM and [TS]

  there was a little bit of like yeah and [TS]

  he gave him a little bar oh yeah well so [TS]

  then things got better he got something [TS]

  happened he got picked up cleaned up [TS]

  medicated and the heartbreaking part is [TS]

  like we would have conversations the [TS]

  heartbreaking to me as this dumb white [TS]

  guy with a house but like we would me [TS]

  and the dude would talk and he was funny [TS]

  it has sense of humor and seemed a [TS]

  little bit maybe even kind of literate [TS]

  like like maybe like he had been a [TS]

  professor or something like he was fun [TS]

  to talk to [TS]

  right it's just one of those things were [TS]

  like you don't see him for a while and [TS]

  you go like is this it you know right [TS]

  did he not make it now he was on the [TS]

  train yesterday being pretty rough and [TS]

  confrontational and they dropped some [TS]

  f-bombs and you know my daughter and I [TS]

  you know you just kind of ignore it [TS]

  because we're gonna do you're on a train [TS]

  and I just turned her I said yeah Nima [TS]

  guys having a rough day yeah [TS]

  I'm not sure why I'm saying this but it [TS]

  made me sad yeah that is that is sad I [TS]

  mean my mom adopts people who are [TS]

  struggling and does the same thing but [TS]

  but also like tries to get them in touch [TS]

  with their families and tries to find [TS]

  them housing and so forth and she will [TS]

  have you know she has a kind of string [TS]

  of these guys that she [TS]

  is sort of caring for in the course of [TS]

  her daily and she brought people home oh [TS]

  yeah okay oh yeah I thought I remembered [TS]

  that you know she you know bottom plane [TS]

  tickets like really trying to help [TS]

  people and she'll lose them she'll lose [TS]

  one every once awhile [TS]

  one every once awhile [TS]

  really die or they spin out or you know [TS]

  or they go from clean with a job and an [TS]

  apartment through a process through a [TS]

  whole process of like getting them on [TS]

  medication getting them back into the [TS]

  world clean job and apartment all the [TS]

  way back down to sitting in front of the [TS]

  supermarket insensible doesn't recognize [TS]

  people who've never been through a bad [TS]

  thing I know everybody feels like [TS]

  they've been through super bad things [TS]

  but you look at that you go oh that poor [TS]

  person they're always gonna be on this [TS]

  you know one step away from everything [TS]

  falling apart but I mean if there's [TS]

  anything that we learn from Trading [TS]

  Places one of the great movies I think [TS]

  it's important to realize that like well [TS]

  you know maybe you just haven't fallen [TS]

  hard enough yet to now be vulnerable to [TS]

  future Falls yeah do you know what I [TS]

  mean well and everything about mental [TS]

  illness is that there's no there's just [TS]

  a lot of mental illness that there isn't [TS]

  there's no cure you know there's just [TS]

  there's just monitoring and there's like [TS]

  monitoring management amelioration I [TS]

  mean we should get Richard Branson on [TS]

  this oh well the thing about Richard [TS]

  Branson there's also where he back to [TS]

  Sunday but go ahead uh it was very [TS]

  interesting in this in the course of [TS]

  this talk where he was where he was [TS]

  saying he was chastising everyone in the [TS]

  room for not paying women the same that [TS]

  he was paying these air hostesses [TS]

  followed followed him everywhere and [TS]

  when he decided to go waterskiing they [TS]

  all like tried to see how many of them [TS]

  could get up on his shoulders and that's [TS]

  fun that's like the like the go-go's [TS]

  cover the go-go's Rick it's all I ever [TS]

  wanted at one point he digressed because [TS]

  he's a very he's a very good dose or [TS]

  he's not somebody that's gonna stick to [TS]

  the script you know what I'm saying he [TS]

  said yeah well you know Alaska Airlines [TS]

  bought Virgin America from me earlier [TS]

  this year for an undisclosed sum large [TS]

  sum but they when they were negotiating [TS]

  with me they promised that they were [TS]

  gonna keep it virgin they were gonna [TS]

  keep Virgin Airlines alive of all the [TS]

  brands out there maybe even arguably [TS]

  more than [TS]

  see like a United buying a JetBlue and [TS]

  turning it into basically like United [TS]

  but especially with virgin the brand [TS]

  equity in that is just bananas the [TS]

  well-earned brand equity I have to say [TS]

  and he said the same thing he was like [TS]

  as soon as they completed the purchase [TS]

  they were like oh sorry we lied we're [TS]

  turning it all into Alaska sites and he [TS]

  said she's nuts and Alaska's bad I would [TS]

  put Alaska like probably right under [TS]

  JetBlue which is right after virgin I've [TS]

  had a lot of really good experiences [TS]

  back in the day you could upgrade to [TS]

  first class for 50 bucks do you remember [TS]

  that yeah yeah yeah yeah I mean I was I [TS]

  was in Alaska never a like a gold member [TS]

  but I was an MVP until until Jason fin [TS]

  got involved and told me that I needed [TS]

  to be on Delta because Alaska didn't go [TS]

  to to Bahrain for the long game [TS]

  apparently that's not leonid brezhnev on [TS]

  the tail no no no in fact I remember as [TS]

  a kid Alaska Airlines the tails of [TS]

  Alaska planes had like ten different [TS]

  little things there was a totem pole [TS]

  there was a little the little girl there [TS]

  was a there was a lady there were there [TS]

  was an eagle or whatever they're really [TS]

  different things that were evocative of [TS]

  Alaska it was all the problem is that [TS]

  does not read as a hood no it doesn't [TS]

  the whole thing does not translate to a [TS]

  young Maudie [TS]

  it looks like Brezhnev as the MGM lion [TS]

  it's sort of like what happened to [TS]

  Colonel Sanders he's become a thing [TS]

  where you don't even recognize who that [TS]

  he used to actually be a dude yeah but [TS]

  in the 70s Alaska livery was very [TS]

  evocative and I think he I think that [TS]

  man in the hood had not been car tuned [TS]

  to the degree he is now okay and you [TS]

  could see that he was in a parka oh but [TS]

  seeing you know this is cool okay I'm [TS]

  looking at an Alaska Alaska's signage in [TS]

  the 70s was much more to be honest much [TS]

  more American I'm looking there looks [TS]

  like they've got a Helvetica ish [TS]

  typeface I see a hysto Nepal was that [TS]

  the right word for that were we allowed [TS]

  to say that yes we are okay and it's got [TS]

  Brezhnev it's got some kind of a tower [TS]

  it's got a minor KY I got with the [TS]

  pickaxe there's a minor guide there was [TS]

  a little there was a little girl in [TS]

  there somewhere the minor oh the minor I [TS]

  loved the minor was kept a thousand-yard [TS]

  minor stair yeah he does but so Branson [TS]

  says in his way where he's like look I [TS]

  don't want to toot my own horn help [TS]

  though that is 92% of what I do yeah [TS]

  toot my own horn but he said virgin is [TS]

  the is one of the great brands what was [TS]

  Alaska thinking and then he does a big [TS]

  comical shrug and he goes well you know [TS]

  that's business and we're all meant to [TS]

  be like wow he's really wise Wow he just [TS]

  Ted talked to the shit out of us I'm [TS]

  gonna go pay my female executives the [TS]

  same I pay my mailings are there other [TS]

  so was this an unusual thing for for [TS]

  whatever reason you mixed up a Sunday in [TS]

  a Monday is that an unusual thing for [TS]

  are there other days of the week that [TS]

  you will occasionally mix up with any [TS]

  regularity there is very little [TS]

  difference in my life between a Sunday [TS]

  and Monday see okay this is the thing [TS]

  that I don't understand it's like you do [TS]

  kid things yeah and like yeah my life is [TS]

  entirely described by the five day [TS]

  school week pretty much a six in the [TS]

  morning today to take to get to get baby [TS]

  ready for school huh but here's the [TS]

  thing because I have an unconventional [TS]

  family relationship both with my mother [TS]

  and my daughter's mother there is on any [TS]

  given day I might be getting up at 6:00 [TS]

  to get baby ready for school I might be [TS]

  not doing that I might be the one that [TS]

  picks baby up from school I might be the [TS]

  one that goes to school because there's [TS]

  a field trip that day and and there's a [TS]

  parent that needs to go along with the [TS]

  field trip or I might be left completely [TS]

  alone and no one has no one asks [TS]

  anything of me or I might have a meeting [TS]

  that day at any hour from 8 a.m. to 8 [TS]

  p.m. that I have to go [TS]

  do like it's all everything comes out of [TS]

  a blunderbuss mm-hmm like I have a [TS]

  blunderbuss calendar and we all just [TS]

  work around each other because her mom [TS]

  travels for work her mom has things to [TS]

  do after work mom wants time alone to [TS]

  clean up her house and get her life back [TS]

  in order her mom has all kinds of you [TS]

  know normal human needs - yes [TS]

  and my mom also is like right in the mix [TS]

  because she gets up at 4:30 in the [TS]

  morning so like 7 a.m. she's raring to [TS]

  go mm-hmm if I would get up at 7 a.m. my [TS]

  mom and I would get so much done before [TS]

  noon like that's her dream son right who [TS]

  gets up at 7 and it's like already [TS]

  digging a hole by 7:45 that's I've done [TS]

  that at times different times where a [TS]

  variety different circumstances have [TS]

  made it smart for me to get up super [TS]

  early and it is incredible and you do [TS]

  get so much done before sunrise but it's [TS]

  also a lifestyle - 12 - what your mother [TS]

  is not only committed but like that that [TS]

  is her preferred lifestyle obviously [TS]

  that is her preferred lifestyle that's [TS]

  right she wants she wants a house that [TS]

  looks East because she likes to sit in [TS]

  the morning already halfway through the [TS]

  newspaper and watch the Sun come up [TS]

  anyway so this also this sort of like [TS]

  randomness also continues on to the [TS]

  weekends so there are Sundays where I [TS]

  might get up in the middle of them you [TS]

  know I might get up at the crack of dawn [TS]

  to go have to do something because of [TS]

  the flying everywhere for the show [TS]

  business so all by way of saying that [TS]

  there is no clear pattern in the course [TS]

  of a week and when when my kid was very [TS]

  little I was talking to her pediatrician [TS]

  I mean she was little like a little just [TS]

  a little pupae uh-huh [TS]

  starting to her pediatrician and I said [TS]

  here's the thing my life is is like [TS]

  coming out of a blunderbuss and I have [TS]

  sucked [TS]

  everyone in my larger orbit into a world [TS]

  where my thing is accommodated what is [TS]

  gonna happen with baby and she said [TS]

  children really love a dependable [TS]

  reliable schedule where everything [TS]

  happens the same everyday they want to [TS]

  get up at the same time they don't they [TS]

  don't know they want it they don't know [TS]

  they want it but they want it they don't [TS]

  know they want it but they want it they [TS]

  want to have dinner at the same time [TS]

  every day they want you know to do [TS]

  homework at the same time every night [TS]

  and I was there and I and I I thought [TS]

  about it as I was talking to her and I'm [TS]

  I'm taking it all and I'm thinking hard [TS]

  on this and I did that thing that I do [TS]

  which which people of our generation can [TS]

  do which is think back to all the people [TS]

  we knew who came home to a house where [TS]

  the dad was an alcoholic who sat in his [TS]

  in his chair in the living room like [TS]

  with steam coming off the top of his [TS]

  head and all the moms that that ash [TS]

  cigarettes on their kids and had him go [TS]

  get whatever get him another get him [TS]

  another 7up out of the fridge while they [TS]

  watch their shows and all the one all [TS]

  the kids who got you know who one parent [TS]

  died and they went to live with their [TS]

  aunt and I thought yes kids want to have [TS]

  dinner at the same time every night and [TS]

  that is not a thing that my child is [TS]

  gonna be she's just not gonna have that [TS]

  option because it isn't because it would [TS]

  require that I stopped doing what I do [TS]

  and I can't do that and it doesn't [TS]

  benefit her that I do that it's it's [TS]

  it's there's things we're like yeah I [TS]

  mean I imagine you have to ask at some [TS]

  point like do I have [TS]

  to do all of these things do these [TS]

  things all have to be this way like all [TS]

  the time it's like cuz that's not [TS]

  tenable and anybody who thinks it's [TS]

  against this you're teeing up this thing [TS]

  that at least I know I suffer from all [TS]

  the time which is the like I'm terrible [TS]

  at this I'm you know but you're teeing [TS]

  that up you're you're creating the [TS]

  condition in which you've already set [TS]

  yourself up for failure by thinking that [TS]

  like there's no way I can save this yeah [TS]

  right and so I was just like I took my [TS]

  pediatricians hand and said or her [TS]

  pediatricians hand I don't anymore have [TS]

  a pediatrician good for you uh-huh thank [TS]

  you [TS]

  but my pediatrician sat me down at one [TS]

  point my dad obviously said to him like [TS]

  will you talk to him about the birds and [TS]

  the bees because I tried to get him to [TS]

  go to a brothel and he wouldn't so would [TS]

  you tell him about it and the [TS]

  pediatrician who was like boy talk about [TS]

  swords in Danang what's something else [TS]

  he was like John give any questions and [TS]

  I was like no sir he was like I'm glad [TS]

  we had this talk son hey he looked like [TS]

  Norman Rockwell if Norman Rockwell had [TS]

  been putting in my cards again that's [TS]

  terrific look but yeah so when I wake up [TS]

  in the morning it's anybody's guess and [TS]

  I don't usually think that I'm gonna [TS]

  record Roderick on the line on Sunday [TS]

  morning but I don't it's not out of the [TS]

  realm of possibility right right I just [TS]

  you know there's some people like some [TS]

  people have a sense of direction I think [TS]

  probably you you have this I know my [TS]

  wife has this there are some people so [TS]

  like I see people who have a sense of [TS]

  direction or I experience people with a [TS]

  sense of direction and it might as well [TS]

  be like a magic skill to me [TS]

  we're like like you could just spin them [TS]

  around and they're just gonna know which [TS]

  way to go intuitively I've seen you have [TS]

  this you just show up somewhere and you [TS]

  have some intuitive sense of how to get [TS]

  from here to there did I find absolutely [TS]

  magical I have something much less [TS]

  useful which is I can't stop thinking [TS]

  about what time it is and what day it is [TS]

  it which it's not it's not useful it's [TS]

  not cool it's not really helping anybody [TS]

  but like you mixing up a Sunday in a [TS]

  Monday I'm not criticizing but you [TS]

  making up a something in a Monday to me [TS]

  is on the level of like how would you [TS]

  not know how to walk one block to your [TS]

  house like I am constantly it's it's is [TS]

  it is a source of stress in our house [TS]

  that you know you wake up and you say [TS]

  what's the uniform of the day [TS]

  right I wake up and I start walking [TS]

  around the house and talking about what [TS]

  day of the week it is and what that [TS]

  means is that's someone's family meeting [TS]

  and then somebody else says stand by I [TS]

  mean y'all gather together if that's a [TS]

  Howl's Moving Castle joke and so anyway [TS]

  family meeting stand by but usually I [TS]

  don't want to upset the the progress the [TS]

  usually very slow progress because I'm [TS]

  obsessed about what time it is and I [TS]

  start walking around say good morning [TS]

  it's Monday Monday tonight we have we [TS]

  have to pick up at four o'clock and what [TS]

  would everyone like for dinner and [TS]

  they're like very busy trying to get out [TS]

  of the house and I'm walking around [TS]

  trying to talk about what day and time [TS]

  it isn't like the principal you're the [TS]

  principal of your high school [TS]

  announcements but it's a little bit like [TS]

  you know I don't I think I'd prefer to [TS]

  be cremated but if someone to bury me [TS]

  you could probably put its 7:21 on my [TS]

  tombstone [TS]

  because I'm the walking talking angry [TS]

  morning clock he's constantly reminding [TS]

  everybody and then whatever else is like [TS]

  7:21 that's I feel completely crazy cuz [TS]

  I'm like you know there's clocks my [TS]

  daughter's wearing a Fitbit [TS]

  there's clocks all over the house how do [TS]

  you not know yes it is already seven 21 [TS]

  and then then Sisyphean Pyrrhic Lee at a [TS]

  Pyrrhic Sisyphean every morning I walk [TS]

  around that I keep saying at 7:21 and [TS]

  everybody's mad at me cuz I'm Johnny [TS]

  clock mouth so that's my I mean I think [TS]

  this is one of those things though where [TS]

  people have these different sorts of [TS]

  things where you can't imagine the rest [TS]

  of the world not being the way that you [TS]

  are about something well you story your [TS]

  story of traveling without a bag I'll [TS]

  bet there's people out there right now [TS]

  that are like like sucking air out of a [TS]

  paper bag because they're so freaked out [TS]

  about the idea of not having three [TS]

  suitcases and every conceivable dongle [TS]

  for the three computers they brought [TS]

  yeah I'm sure that's true [TS]

  my equivalent in this family is that my [TS]

  mother and sister both independently [TS]

  follow the weather like it's a like it's [TS]

  a constant emergency like a constant CNN [TS]

  emergence it's like it's like hurricane [TS]

  CNN hurricane time all the time for them [TS]

  yeah they have they both have I mean my [TS]

  sister has multiple apps [TS]

  if you ask my mom at anytime what the [TS]

  high and low temperature today will be [TS]

  and what the seven-day forecast is she [TS]

  will be able to recite it Wow and also [TS]

  what the highs and lows will be for the [TS]

  seven days my sister knows with the same [TS]

  amount of of granular detail the not [TS]

  just the regional weather but I would [TS]

  say the hemispherical weather like I [TS]

  don't think she knows what's going on in [TS]

  the Bay of Bengal unless there's [TS]

  something exciting going on mm-hmm but [TS]

  she certainly knows American weather and [TS]

  what's at what the highs and lows are in [TS]

  Denver and and well you get the Irish [TS]

  pseudo hurricane happening is there a [TS]

  pseudo hurricane happens it's under it's [TS]

  under hurricane force as we record this [TS]

  I believe but yeah it's this crazy-ass [TS]

  weather system there was lashing because [TS]

  it has to lash yeah it was hitting the [TS]

  Emerald Isle with winds up to 100 miles [TS]

  per hour whoa talk about something [TS]

  you're not ready for talk about an [TS]

  unusual weather event and that's what [TS]

  I'm saying well you know we're about to [TS]

  see we're about to see the whole Gulf [TS]

  Stream or whatever you know the the [TS]

  Atlantic circulation of ocean currents [TS]

  and weather we're about to see it flip [TS]

  it's gonna flip Maryland it's gonna [TS]

  switch around it's gonna flip it's gonna [TS]

  be like when the when the poles switch [TS]

  and all of a sudden South becomes North [TS]

  except the the circulating Geyer is [TS]

  gonna do a flip arou because of the the [TS]

  melting polarizations and magnets well [TS]

  it's not gonna change the magnets but [TS]

  what its gonna do is right now though [TS]

  the cycle comes up the east coast of the [TS]

  United States hits Ireland with some [TS]

  nice warmth that's why that that [TS]

  southern goes to Ireland is it's like [TS]

  almost tropical it's like Fiji [TS]

  it's really nice there's a beachy yeah [TS]

  you don't think of it because it's you [TS]

  don't think of it but there it is right [TS]

  and then it comes then it goes up there [TS]

  and it brings some [TS]

  they're down and then it cycles back [TS]

  down along the east coast or along the [TS]

  west coast of Europe and Africa and then [TS]

  then it does it again spins that [TS]

  direction spins it spins clockwise but [TS]

  they're saying when the cold water [TS]

  that's coming coming down from the poles [TS]

  gets gets extreme enough it's gonna flip [TS]

  the switch oh no and it's gonna make it [TS]

  start cycling counter clock well not set [TS]

  up for that [TS]

  oh we're not it's gonna change [TS]

  everything and what its gonna do is it's [TS]

  gonna make these coasts freakin cold way [TS]

  colder than it is Matt it's that right [TS]

  yeah it's gonna change it all its gonna [TS]

  screw it it's gonna screw the pooch no [TS]

  I'm not liking this at all no it's a [TS]

  pooch screw and who knows what that does [TS]

  to everything else you know what I mean [TS]

  yeah kind of knock-on effects I I don't [TS]

  like these kinds of things I find this [TS]

  very troubling no it's gonna be freaky [TS]

  been my system the thing is when it [TS]

  happens my sister will know all about it [TS]

  a long time before anybody else I don't [TS]

  know why they follow the weather so [TS]

  obsessively I mean growing up in [TS]

  Anchorage it was a thing I guess that [TS]

  you did because the weather could kill [TS]

  you but we haven't lived in Anchorage as [TS]

  a family for a long time and yet they [TS]

  it's just like just like you they not [TS]

  only know it's not that they know what [TS]

  day it is it's that they walk into the [TS]

  house and they're like you know what the [TS]

  seven-day forecast is my mom said to me [TS]

  this morning at 6:30 in the morning she [TS]

  said well I here's what I want you to do [TS]

  today I want you to go outside and do [TS]

  the following things because it's gonna [TS]

  rain for the next seven days oh my god [TS]

  that she's that is some ninja shit that [TS]

  is a superpower did she join together [TS]

  two different realms of her personality [TS]

  razzmatazz to be able to combine her [TS]

  amazing planning ability with her [TS]

  amazing weather ability yep but actually [TS]

  what she said was it's going to start [TS]

  raining either late tonight or early [TS]

  tomorrow giving me this sort of window [TS]

  worth where where it's a little bit of [TS]

  an out because I can say like well if [TS]

  it's you know that probably means it's [TS]

  gonna start raining midday tomorrow yeah [TS]

  and she might have left the or early [TS]

  tomorrow morning as [TS]

  as a potential i-told-you-so well I told [TS]

  you it could have started last night and [TS]

  it did yep yep that's right [TS]

  so that is I mean that's one part of my [TS]

  world where I'm never at a loss for for [TS]

  having outside information right I don't [TS]

  have to go read the newspaper I don't [TS]

  have to step outside I already know what [TS]

  the weather is because it's been and [TS]

  just because you're around people who [TS]

  are constantly telling you what the [TS]

  weather is it does not make you more [TS]

  aware or more desirous of going out and [TS]

  finding out on your own I say this [TS]

  because it's kind of like me being [TS]

  morning morning clock mouth well right I [TS]

  mean but nobody walks around my house [TS]

  saying it's Monday my name and name so I [TS]

  go you know I'll go three days and not [TS]

  know what where I am I don't know how [TS]

  you could not feel that in your bones [TS]

  it's not a criticism again I like a [TS]

  legit like oh my god how am i broken [TS]

  like this why is why am I like this I [TS]

  mean I feel I feel like I feel true [TS]

  north I believe in my bones like oxide [TS]

  magnets in your nose you're like a hawk [TS]

  or a falcon right if you put a blindfold [TS]

  on me and spun me around thirty times I [TS]

  just feel like my nipples would point [TS]

  north what if what if it was air [TS]

  hostesses that did that to you would not [TS]

  be a hell of a thing [TS]

  I would pay first-class prices for in [TS]

  coach ticket fly the friendly skies is [TS]

  Christ oh yeah yeah I caught dick [TS]

  [Music] [TS]