Roderick on the Line

Ep. 264: "Whisker Fatigue"

 

  this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

  brought to you in part by our X bar our [TS]

  X bar score ingredients do all the [TS]

  talking it's simply like eating three [TS]

  egg whites two dates and six almonds [TS]

  with no BS learn more right now by [TS]

  visiting our X bar comm /ro TL and by [TS]

  Mack Weldon Mack Weldon is better than [TS]

  whatever you're wearing right now to [TS]

  find out why go and visit Mack Weldon [TS]

  dot-com [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  hello yeah hi John hi Merlin how's it [TS]

  going happy jeez November [TS]

  yeah it's fall now bald autumn also [TS]

  pumpkins pumpkins everywhere as the song [TS]

  goes gourds gourds gourds just just [TS]

  sitting here just sitting here I mean [TS]

  that's the end the end well you know I [TS]

  don't like to talk about the show on the [TS]

  show you know but with that said [TS]

  everything that's in the show is in the [TS]

  show sure are you on your new old [TS]

  computer I am I'm in my new old room in [TS]

  my new old computer on my new old [TS]

  bedroom my new old studio room you're [TS]

  kidding in my new old computer which I [TS]

  just two minutes ago set up for this and [TS]

  I've got a there's a little bit of an [TS]

  awkwardness because I've got a table and [TS]

  the table is not big enough for the [TS]

  computer table no I mean it's a table [TS]

  but it's what's why it's it's long but [TS]

  it's not wide and it's it's not like [TS]

  it's not big enough but if I put it on [TS]

  the table then I can't see pass to the [TS]

  computer it would just be me and the [TS]

  computer and so I got a little table [TS]

  like a like a little cocktail table then [TS]

  I put on the side of the big table to [TS]

  put the monitor so that I can kind of [TS]

  look down sort of like sort of like the [TS]

  master control program in Tron [TS]

  okay so your your big cpu iMac unit is [TS]

  on the secondary table it's on the side [TS]

  right and then on the on the table is [TS]

  only the wireless Logitech sunshine [TS]

  powered keyboard that you turn me on to [TS]

  but the problem is I don't like using a [TS]

  wireless mouse [TS]

  I just don't like it I didn't feel right [TS]

  to you know I just feel like it's an [TS]

  offense to nature mm-hmm we get Wireless [TS]

  Keyboard is just as God intended but a [TS]

  wireless mouse it's not really a mouse [TS]

  anymore no it's like in the analogy I [TS]

  mean part of what made it a mouse is it [TS]

  had a little tail on it thank you [TS]

  it's like a farmer's wife cut off their [TS]

  tails with a carving knife which is [TS]

  pretty brutal oh no I can't unsee that [TS]

  so I like a wired mouse but the problem [TS]

  with that is yeah I also don't want an [TS]

  offshore mouse mm like a mouse that [TS]

  looks like it was made for a PC oh oh I [TS]

  see [TS]

  this might be a little bit of Mouse [TS]

  racism but I don't want a Logitech mouse [TS]

  I don't want a mouse that's got lots of [TS]

  buttons I don't like a mouse with a [TS]

  spinner ball you would not like my [TS]

  Logitech mouse because even though it is [TS]

  a baller Mouse yeah it really it kind of [TS]

  looks like Ed Begley Jr designed a race [TS]

  car yeah I don't want to mount that [TS]

  where it looks like I'm at a nail salon [TS]

  getting you know lifelike manicure I [TS]

  don't want a mouse that looks like a koi [TS]

  pond like a gentleman's mouse a [TS]

  gentleman's mouse and I have a nice [TS]

  Apple Mouse that I like that came with [TS]

  some ancient computer it's like it's [TS]

  basically clear plastic it probably came [TS]

  with a with one of those apples that was [TS]

  like like colored and looked like a [TS]

  gumdrop at we say african-american now [TS]

  what was that I just sent you my mouse [TS]

  you can see the Ed Begley Mouse all [TS]

  right let me see this mouse here I'm [TS]

  looking at it oh my goodness yeah that's [TS]

  going on with that mouse it's got a lot [TS]

  yeah it's got a lot of affordances on it [TS]

  so I was looking online at mice and I [TS]

  saw that a mouse touted somewhere the [TS]

  inflator the MX master is it go to Mouse [TS]

  it's like what abomination is that yeah [TS]

  it's really ugly uh so anyway but here's [TS]

  the thing my little Apple Mouse [TS]

  which is which is clear like crystal and [TS]

  only has far as I can tell it only does [TS]

  one thing just it just moves well it [TS]

  does two things it moves around and it [TS]

  clicks it has one way of clicking it's [TS]

  on a USB cord that is very short it's [TS]

  it's not meant to be strung around it's [TS]

  not probably not meant to go all the way [TS]

  to a side table right and my side table [TS]

  is on the left for not for ergonomic a [TS]

  bull's your righty and I'm a righty so I [TS]

  want my mouse to stretch all the way [TS]

  over to the other side of the big table [TS]

  and so I went on a quest for a extension [TS]

  USB cable female-to-male on one end and [TS]

  bail to be me on the other and as God [TS]

  intended that's God intended and so [TS]

  that's right I God didn't make Adam and [TS]

  Adam in a met and Jeeves [TS]

  so in my house as you probably know [TS]

  there are 40 bins full of power cables [TS]

  quarter inch cables XLR cables those old [TS]

  13 USB cables you see a couple of those [TS]

  oh yeah do I have have some blackberry [TS]

  power cables I have a lot of cables from [TS]

  LG phones [TS]

  I have printer cables I have wall warts [TS]

  for every distortion box ever [TS]

  manufactured by any manufacturer I have [TS]

  Radio Shack equipment dating back to the [TS]

  50s I could like I could make crystal [TS]

  radio set out of the cables I have and [TS]

  so I'm like I will not go to the store [TS]

  or log on to Amazon for this simple [TS]

  cable I will find it in my archives my [TS]

  cable calves and I spent the equivalent [TS]

  of the man-hours that they used to build [TS]

  the Panama Canal looking for what seemed [TS]

  to me to be a simple cable that everyone [TS]

  should have seems so [TS]

  to it if there's got to be one of those [TS]

  around and there is not it never is I've [TS]

  got things from the 90s I've got five of [TS]

  something from the 90s and I've got like [TS]

  one of those in the entire edifice and I [TS]

  can never find it I think it's red I [TS]

  think it's it's a very important cable I [TS]

  have a million USB on one side firewire [TS]

  on the other side yeah I don't know when [TS]

  they made you change on remember they [TS]

  made you change from the dirty pink [TS]

  USB adapter nobody had to get all new [TS]

  cables oh yeah he had to get an extra [TS]

  set cuz you go to different places you [TS]

  remember that I remember your about [TS]

  frustrating that was it was frustrating [TS]

  yeah well so I went on Amazon and I was [TS]

  like okay fine I'm defeated like it was [TS]

  like every time we go to Amazon it's [TS]

  like fine you got me again you got me [TS]

  Bezos go ahead and you know go ahead [TS]

  take my money build another magic [TS]

  dirigible that you won't even show the [TS]

  rest of us he's laughing all the time [TS]

  he's flying around in dirigibles and [TS]

  they have cloaking devices he's not even [TS]

  sharing the fun with us [TS]

  no we can't even came and see what he's [TS]

  showing off if I were listen I've said [TS]

  if I were yeah Elon Musk enough times [TS]

  that there ought to be an acronym for it [TS]

  mmm-hmm III II M or om um which it is [TS]

  original I would have had a dirigible a [TS]

  long time ago but not just a dirigible I [TS]

  would have done a scale not a scale I [TS]

  would have done a to scale reproduction [TS]

  of the Hindenburg - the swastika decked [TS]

  it out even nicer you know just like [TS]

  decked it out really nicely would you [TS]

  have liked tea service and stuff like [TS]

  that oh for sure [TS]

  white glove service and then here's the [TS]

  thing I wouldn't use it to go places I [TS]

  would just Park it off the coast and it [TS]

  would be my apartment oh he'll be like a [TS]

  tree house without a tree yeah it would [TS]

  just sky so disgusting does Elan live in [TS]

  San Francisco or LA or somewhere like [TS]

  else I you know what I don't know the [TS]

  answer to that it's gonna drive our [TS]

  listeners nuts but I feel like he must [TS]

  well I'm sure he has more than one out [TS]

  well I'm not sure I one imagines he has [TS]

  more than one home I'll bet he's got [TS]

  something in Silicon Valley right um [TS]

  he's got something where he lives in the [TS]

  tube bunker somewhere I you know [TS]

  actually I started thinking about this [TS]

  not connected to Elon who obviously has [TS]

  enough you know he's building a super [TS]

  high-speed train to space so he's he's [TS]

  busy I thought about this when I was [TS]

  interacting with the orbit of that like [TS]

  preppy bro that started snapchat that [TS]

  rich young kid with a rich lawyer dad [TS]

  who's like just sort of a beach bum [TS]

  starts this thing now he's got a billion [TS]

  dollars in and he's and something like a [TS]

  hundred thousand pairs of glasses that [TS]

  he can't but he did a smart thing with [TS]

  his money I thought which was he bought [TS]

  up the entire town of Venice California [TS]

  now even if his company tanks at least [TS]

  he has all his real estate I mean he's [TS]

  become he became the biggest real estate [TS]

  company that true Santa Monica he owns [TS]

  so much land he bought Santa Monica [TS]

  Airport it's the only true wealth right [TS]

  so he just was you know like like rather [TS]

  than then just keep that money in sports [TS]

  football teams like Paul Allen oh Paul [TS]

  Allen also bought a bunch of real estate [TS]

  I mean real estate but so he's you know [TS]

  he's doing that thing of like young tech [TS]

  billionaire he's doing a little bit [TS]

  smarter cuz he's buying real estate but [TS]

  I'm sure he's rolling around Venice on a [TS]

  unicycle with six armed guards also on [TS]

  unicycles I was like why wouldn't that [TS]

  kid buy have a Hindenburg bill for [TS]

  himself park it right above and slightly [TS]

  off the coast of Venice and just sit [TS]

  there all day with those engines just [TS]

  more [TS]

  relaxing how relaxing it would be and [TS]

  like if you need to go somewhere maybe [TS]

  you want to get a bite it's something [TS]

  you don't have on the dirigible you want [TS]

  to go to like in and out or something [TS]

  you just slowly lower it down that's [TS]

  something to do in downtown LA and you [TS]

  would just like slow because I've always [TS]

  loved [TS]

  I've always loved forts I've over my [TS]

  life I have created so many secret [TS]

  hideouts for myself there's a time in [TS]

  junior high when I almost lived in the [TS]

  crawlspace where I'd like I had a whole [TS]

  like environment up there that I created [TS]

  you know to get your best what was your [TS]

  best secret for man that was a thing [TS]

  well no it's okay it can be revealed now [TS]

  it's been unsealed but like circa eighth [TS]

  grade when I was really at peak weirdo [TS]

  at some point we gotten you get you get [TS]

  a they you'll really call it an attic [TS]

  you call it a crawlspace and it is [TS]

  usually accessible via in Florida you [TS]

  don't have basements it's accessible in [TS]

  the garage there's usually like a little [TS]

  door you move you get a ladder you move [TS]

  this door aside and you can go up there [TS]

  and put your Christmas shit up there um [TS]

  and I'm not sure why this happened maybe [TS]

  we had a credit card with Sears we [TS]

  started getting lots of Sears things we [TS]

  had Sears come out and install those [TS]

  it's like a door you pull down a handle [TS]

  and then folding steps come down you [TS]

  know and you walk up you ascend up into [TS]

  there and I had made that has got to be [TS]

  up there for me excluding certain like [TS]

  you know point of forts in the woods and [TS]

  stuff like that that if to have that in [TS]

  house like nearby to have someplace you [TS]

  could go that was in your house but away [TS]

  from your house it was like finding a [TS]

  secret room [TS]

  if felt totally underutilized to me like [TS]

  why would you just put Christmas [TS]

  ornaments up here like you could you [TS]

  could bring choose your own adventure [TS]

  books and a 16-ounce bottle of coke up [TS]

  there it had a floor and and the wreath [TS]

  it kind of had a floor mostly had that [TS]

  pink itchy insulation the dry beans [TS]

  that's sort of one reason you would you [TS]

  but you know bears the other thing was [TS]

  when you're in eighth grade and you got [TS]

  coke and potato chips in a choose your [TS]

  own adventure book you also have [TS]

  relatively unlimited time especially if [TS]

  you don't do homework so you can really [TS]

  you can really plunge a resource I'm [TS]

  just thinking like you know if you two [TS]

  applied that [TS]

  if you took that mindset with the budget [TS]

  of a Zeppelin well sure but I'm curious [TS]

  about this space did you put in a floor [TS]

  or what what what did you stand I don't [TS]

  remember what I did because you really [TS]

  weren't supposed to be up there it [TS]

  troubled my family that I went up there [TS]

  I wasn't doing anything like dad I just [TS]

  didn't want to be around people I think [TS]

  I think I would bring up a portable [TS]

  radio and then I would have had a little [TS]

  bookshelf I put up there with my books [TS]

  and I just mostly go up there just be [TS]

  myself and listen to key 1:05 and that I [TS]

  see I want to say that I put down boards [TS]

  but I can't imagine I had the upper-body [TS]

  strength to move boards up steps I [TS]

  probably put down like a cardboard box [TS]

  or fashion in their sets chair between [TS]

  the beams of the house there was a there [TS]

  was an apartment building here in [TS]

  Seattle where a bunch of I used to work [TS]

  in a punk rock pizza parlor and a bunch [TS]

  of the pizza parlor people all moved in [TS]

  together into one sort of rickety old [TS]

  janky apartment building was it called a [TS]

  squat yeah well they were paying rent [TS]

  okay okay and it was one of those things [TS]

  where the nice bedroom [TS]

  belonged to the responsible girl who was [TS]

  kind of the assistant manager and then [TS]

  the next bedroom belonged to you know [TS]

  the girl that worked hard and then the [TS]

  next bedroom was so late lazy girl and [TS]

  her like like her incompetent friends no [TS]

  and then like there was a actual stair [TS]

  like a finished stair up to an attic [TS]

  which was unfinished and had just no [TS]

  floor it just had had like you're saying [TS]

  insulation but it was a proper stair up [TS]

  there and so a couple of the dudes at [TS]

  the pizza parlor went in there and [TS]

  showed all this ingenuity and and put [TS]

  all this effort and money into buying [TS]

  wood nailing it down and building a [TS]

  floor in this [TS]

  a building where I think the rent for [TS]

  the whole thing was probably $400 Wow [TS]

  and then all of a sudden they had they [TS]

  built this like because it was an old [TS]

  building so you could stand up up there [TS]

  it was it was a big big attic space it [TS]

  was a proper not just bedroom it was a [TS]

  it was the whole top of the building Wow [TS]

  what it was a flat and they had this [TS]

  incredible loft up there which they just [TS]

  constructed out of the air as far as I [TS]

  could tell and I think the arrangement [TS]

  was that they pay you know I don't know [TS]

  how much rent they paid because they [TS]

  invented the room but you know it was [TS]

  such a step up from my thing which was [TS]

  like hey is anybody sleeping on this [TS]

  couch tonight oh yeah [TS]

  that I just I was I was in awe of it and [TS]

  then I'm probably you know I'm glad to [TS]

  have you a little bit out of the way [TS]

  well they were glad to have them they [TS]

  none of them wanted me there after a [TS]

  very short period of time and and it was [TS]

  and that was that was that how a house [TS]

  or a set of a set of people that I would [TS]

  that was a time when I was behaving just [TS]

  shamefully and so even when I think back [TS]

  at it what should be wonderful memories [TS]

  of my like mid to late drug period [TS]

  they're awful memories and when that [TS]

  building eventually was torn down by a [TS]

  giant collection of backhoes and [TS]

  bulldozers and replaced with a just [TS]

  skeezy new condo eight story tall new [TS]

  condo I rejoiced a little because it had [TS]

  because some of my bad memories were [TS]

  buried buried in a hole [TS]

  yeah but I'm with you about the fort's [TS]

  promise we didn't have none of our [TS]

  places had good forts [TS]

  anywhere no good forts you know I feel [TS]

  like part of it is I mean obviously [TS]

  there's this one thing where like when [TS]

  you're a kid and I [TS]

  count you know being 14 is you know [TS]

  still being a kid but you know when [TS]

  you're a kid especially when you're a [TS]

  little kid you're small you can fit [TS]

  under the sink you could go into the [TS]

  credenza there's this there's a certain [TS]

  appeal to like I wonder if I could fit [TS]

  into that you know what I mean and like [TS]

  then you see these photographs of like [TS]

  apartments in Hong Kong I don't feel you [TS]

  ever seen any of those photos of the [TS]

  inside of apartments in Hong Kong but [TS]

  they're just they're crazy I mean [TS]

  they're like a little bigger than like [TS]

  an airport bathroom and a family lives [TS]

  in them and it's just completely crazy [TS]

  what people fit into these I think [TS]

  there's something very appealing to a [TS]

  certain kind of introvert weirdo [TS]

  personality about having a hidey-hole [TS]

  yes [TS]

  well all I ever wanted was a secret room [TS]

  and I freaking I was talking to but it [TS]

  was a friend who was having a house [TS]

  built oh oh I know who was it was my [TS]

  good friend Matt Dresner former bass [TS]

  player of the gits [TS]

  he had he has just rebuilt his house it [TS]

  was you know it was a did a sort of gut [TS]

  renovation of it and of course the first [TS]

  question I asked was well did you have a [TS]

  secret room installed mm-hm [TS]

  and on the face of it his denial that he [TS]

  had a secret room built is the smart [TS]

  move right if I did I couldn't tell you [TS]

  it's right you're not gonna say like [TS]

  yeah I want to know where the secret [TS]

  room is it's behind the painting where [TS]

  the wall safe is like you're not gonna [TS]

  reveal it to just any you know defeat on [TS]

  purpose yeah but I could tell in his [TS]

  reply that he he didn't have a secret [TS]

  room built because what he said was I [TS]

  talked to the contractor about a secret [TS]

  room and it ended up that the bid to [TS]

  build a secret room would have been was [TS]

  prohibitively expensive I'll bet that's [TS]

  how they get you [TS]

  I'll bet they know we got a loved one [TS]

  right yeah this I see this guy coming a [TS]

  mile off he's gonna want a hidey hole [TS]

  alright look at or a hidden staircase or [TS]

  all those all those yeah I'm like I'm [TS]

  okay so the I feel like there's a [TS]

  hierarchy of these things we've talked [TS]

  about the monk hole I think having a way [TS]

  to get out of your house and move a [TS]

  distance away even if it's not [TS]

  inhabitable [TS]

  per say it's just a smart idea yeah [TS]

  right every house every house has to [TS]

  have two means of egress like in case on [TS]

  fire right you got to have way to get [TS]

  out that just makes sense tunnel to the [TS]

  back nine to the back nine but you also [TS]

  I mean don't you need an existencial [TS]

  means if aggress what if you just need [TS]

  to get away from you what if you just [TS]

  need to be somewhere so I think you got [TS]

  it you get among coal and that could be [TS]

  a very modest Montcoal but it doesn't [TS]

  have to be like a full-on like hallway [TS]

  like a James Bond hallway although that [TS]

  would be really nice that would be nice [TS]

  then you get I think you can think about [TS]

  again this is not as spectacular but [TS]

  certainly like hidden panels like what's [TS]

  the first thing you do in D&D you go in [TS]

  a room and you search for like doors and [TS]

  panels right yeah someplace where you [TS]

  could put stuff I think a secret hallway [TS]

  feels like a really smart grown-up thing [TS]

  to put in your house a waiting made [TS]

  there that's just for you is a very very [TS]

  good idea my aunt my aunt's beach house [TS]

  the entire inside of the house and I'm [TS]

  talking about walls and ceiling was [TS]

  painted beadboard and it's a style of [TS]

  Oregon beach house that I think is it is [TS]

  an imitation of a style of Cape Cod [TS]

  beach house except because it was Oregon [TS]

  you like Oregon in the in 1890 really [TS]

  wanted to be Cape Cod in 1790 and so [TS]

  they they built like whole communities [TS]

  including the little town of gearheart [TS]

  Oregon in imitation of this you know [TS]

  like weathered [TS]

  cedar shingles and and this though but [TS]

  the thing about Cape Cod and I don't [TS]

  think a lot of people know this is that [TS]

  their beach houses of the East Coast the [TS]

  vacation homes of the East Coast often [TS]

  not even beach ones but like up in Maine [TS]

  and out on the coast a lot of them are [TS]

  uninsulated like it's just the out walls [TS]

  and then the the beams you know though [TS]

  yeah I've made a lot of vacation homes [TS]

  in pretty nice areas that are [TS]

  essentially like a hovel uh-huh yeah [TS]

  just a fucking missiles almost like a [TS]

  lean-to [TS]

  when you look at these on Cape Cod from [TS]

  outside they're three storeys tall they [TS]

  look like beautiful elegant homes it's [TS]

  just that the inside isn't done and what [TS]

  and because what they do is that the end [TS]

  of the season the last day of summer [TS]

  they lock the door and they don't come [TS]

  back until May or June and it seems [TS]

  crazy to me and from the Northwest [TS]

  perspective it's never consistently the [TS]

  weather is never consistent enough here [TS]

  that you would build a house like that [TS]

  I mean we don't have air conditioning [TS]

  anywhere but we certainly do put [TS]

  insulation in things so the oregon beach [TS]

  house has insulated walls but beadboard [TS]

  floor-to-ceiling and also the ceiling [TS]

  and in this house it was painted kind of [TS]

  dark green the beadboard was dark green [TS]

  upstairs the beadboard was all painted a [TS]

  bright and cheery cream yellow mm-hmm [TS]

  but what it meant was because the [TS]

  beadboard is just panels they had a few [TS]

  different places where if you kind of [TS]

  pressed on the wall it would go pump and [TS]

  you just wall would just open oh my god [TS]

  and that's where their liquor cabinet [TS]

  was oh my god behind a wall next to the [TS]

  fireplace if you just like leaned on it [TS]

  it would go and then the wall opened and [TS]

  it was full of booze yeah like her hole [TS]

  but the the problem was over the course [TS]

  of 50 years of living there they that [TS]

  was a popular place and so there's a [TS]

  spot where you get wear and tear you [TS]

  give 10,000 hands and so there's [TS]

  basically like a like a brat like sort [TS]

  of a gray hand shaped stain in the paint [TS]

  yeah that's bad OPSEC yeah exactly so I [TS]

  mean I think you also if you're gonna do [TS]

  it that way you also have to carry a [TS]

  hanky with you okay well it should be [TS]

  like a hankie on a string well I mean I [TS]

  think you're probably establishing one [TS]

  of the [TS]

  guidelines for this kind of thing which [TS]

  is that you know have it be commensurate [TS]

  with how secret you needed to be how [TS]

  much it's used uh-huh right so if you're [TS]

  the kind of person like we were recently [TS]

  looking at cap boxes in new litter box [TS]

  and that you can get some very obviously [TS]

  you can get self-defend a lot of money [TS]

  some people want a litter box that also [TS]

  doubles as like an end table or a [TS]

  nightstand [TS]

  well I'm not here to judge but that for [TS]

  me kind of feels like the worst of all [TS]

  worlds right but I mean you know if it's [TS]

  something where like you wouldn't want [TS]

  your refrigerator to be invisible like [TS]

  you know that's not hiding anything from [TS]

  anybody although you do see those [TS]

  kitchens where you walk in and you're [TS]

  like where's the refrigerator we have [TS]

  which of these things are doors for [TS]

  something yeah and it just they made it [TS]

  look like a cupboard that's that's a [TS]

  little cute for my liking well yeah [TS]

  because what you are you ashamed to have [TS]

  a refrigerator why would you mask it [TS]

  yeah we all have them [TS]

  yeah it's just it's just nature but like [TS]

  what I mean so in the hierarchy though [TS]

  then so you got you you move up you get [TS]

  my uncles I know I realize my uncle is a [TS]

  very ambitious project you probably want [TS]

  to undertake from the very design of the [TS]

  house but like you know a secret panel [TS]

  you get into like a hidden corridor and [TS]

  I would call it a corridor but like a [TS]

  secret room it doesn't even need to [TS]

  really doesn't need to be like a V for [TS]

  Vendetta room it doesn't need to be like [TS]

  an entire like like secret den in fact I [TS]

  think it'd be less detectable from [TS]

  people who are like going and looking at [TS]

  your plans right you don't want it to be [TS]

  too detectable there's probably some [TS]

  kind of illusion you can use with with [TS]

  false walls and depths and assumptions [TS]

  and visual illusions and tricks but I'm [TS]

  talking about like a room that's big [TS]

  enough to have like like like just I [TS]

  don't know even just like a chair in it [TS]

  but a place to lay down would be nice [TS]

  too the first thing I do when I'm in a [TS]

  space for any length of time as I walk [TS]

  around trying to make sure that the [TS]

  physical space as I perceive it for the [TS]

  outside comports with the [TS]

  the way that the space is conditioning [TS]

  it's a hundred percent I do the side I [TS]

  don't talk about it but I do the same [TS]

  thing I learned this in the Amityville [TS]

  Horror the horror you realize there [TS]

  could be a secret red room in your [TS]

  basement that you don't know about until [TS]

  it's 3:15 a.m. right right you I don't [TS]

  want to know no no no no no alarms and [TS]

  no surprises I want to know what I'm [TS]

  dealing with here and so you could do [TS]

  that you know and again to talk to [TS]

  another movie you look at the the [TS]

  watching movie well Rorschach takes out [TS]

  his tape measure he has an air SATs tape [TS]

  measure to figure out where the comedian [TS]

  is hiding his costume in photos there's [TS]

  something like that I would take a [TS]

  hidden panel in my closet I would put my [TS]

  trophies in my and my pictures of Silk [TS]

  Spectre one in there I would totally do [TS]

  that I well and also who doesn't want a [TS]

  thing where you open a wall and it's [TS]

  full of machine guns machine guns [TS]

  newspaper clippings [TS]

  maybe things you've received from the [TS]

  mayor I think I've told you before about [TS]

  the house in Sun Valley I went to with [TS]

  my friend Trevor where his uncle after [TS]

  we were smoking cigars after our steak [TS]

  dinner he said you want to see my gun [TS]

  room and we went upstairs this is back [TS]

  before gun room was a thing where you [TS]

  would go like oh no are you a murderer [TS]

  this was back when I was like gun room [TS]

  yeah you are it didn't used to be the [TS]

  last thing you'd hear no it was like [TS]

  you're a top shelf gentleman and we went [TS]

  upstairs and into his bed he had a big [TS]

  big house in in Sun Valley and we walked [TS]

  through some door in his closet and then [TS]

  through a secret door [TS]

  an entire room a full-on bedroom sized [TS]

  room full of machine guns oh man and he [TS]

  wasn't a survivalist or anything like [TS]

  that he was just a rich dude an [TS]

  eccentric a rich eccentric the trevor [TS]

  was like oh that's my that's my uncle [TS]

  with the [TS]

  you know like it rolled his eyes but [TS]

  when we can't when we went to Sun Valley [TS]

  this uncle was like yeah [TS]

  Trevor's here with his friends and he [TS]

  just like we couldn't pay for anything [TS]

  he treated us like big shots staking [TS]

  cigars and he also had a room full of [TS]

  guns and probably a room full of gold [TS]

  bars that he didn't show that's what he [TS]

  showed exactly this episode of Roderick [TS]

  on the line is brought to you in part by [TS]

  Mack [TS]

  Elton you can learn more about Mack [TS]

  Weldon right now by visiting Mack Weldon [TS]

  calm guys I'm a huge fan of Mack [TS]

  Weldon's clothes I buy an unconscionable [TS]

  amount of their stuff using my very own [TS]

  American money it's true I'm wearing [TS]

  Mack Weldon as we speak don't be creepy [TS]

  Mack Weldon makes stuff like shirts [TS]

  pants hoodies socks and yes they're [TS]

  internationally famous underwear these [TS]

  pieces are all just insanely comfortable [TS]

  they're sturdy and well-made they fit [TS]

  great they look very handsome and they [TS]

  feel amazing to wear real talk today I [TS]

  want to talk to you once again about [TS]

  Mack Walden's shirts because that's my [TS]

  favorite that's that's I have so many of [TS]

  these it's really really weird they make [TS]

  something called the Pima long sleeve [TS]

  t-shirt [TS]

  I'm not comfortable admitting how many [TS]

  of these I own but let's just say I have [TS]

  sacks and stacks of them mini mini [TS]

  they are literally my daily go-to top [TS]

  layer and unless the occasion demands it [TS]

  you'll more often than not find me in [TS]

  one of these boys everyday they are the [TS]

  best right now can you hear it [TS]

  that's it close I know this sounds like [TS]

  a weird one but I love their plain white [TS]

  t-shirts it's so hard to find a white [TS]

  t-shirt that you like they gets so gross [TS]

  they're so skinny and they get all [TS]

  balled up and untucked mm-hmm not at [TS]

  Mack Walden these are Hardy well [TS]

  tailored shirts with a nice long tail [TS]

  keeps it tucked in like you're a big boy [TS]

  I switch to these last years throughout [TS]

  all my other shirts with the disgusting [TS]

  yellow pit stains since then I've never [TS]

  looked back Mac Weldon and then of [TS]

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  first pair you can keep it no refund [TS]

  your money no questions asked this is [TS]

  insane [TS]

  Mac Weldon you guys listen please go you [TS]

  head over to Mac Weldon calm go have a [TS]

  look around look at these shirts look at [TS]

  these Underpants when you found [TS]

  something you like and you're ready to [TS]

  checkout use our very special promo code [TS]

  ro TL just like it sounds are OTL and [TS]

  you're gonna get 20% off your order [TS]

  our thanks to Mac Weldon for supporting [TS]

  Roderick on the line and all the great [TS]

  shows right that's left the room that he [TS]

  showed you you know okay now let me ask [TS]

  you this is it mmm how does one put this [TS]

  where is the line in deciding what you [TS]

  offer up to people these RVs showing [TS]

  your secret [TS]

  things because it seems to me somebody [TS]

  who's offering to show you their secret [TS]

  things may not be so good at keeping a [TS]

  secret or do you think it's not like a [TS]

  false flag operation he's showing you [TS]

  the little gun room [TS]

  he's never gonna show you what the big [TS]

  gun room is my sense of that because [TS]

  this was in the 1980s my sense of that [TS]

  is that at the time conspiracy was not a [TS]

  mainstream thing like it wasn't I [TS]

  remember I'm sorry to interrupt you but [TS]

  I remember very specifically I was [TS]

  working at my parents restaurant and [TS]

  there's a guy who pulled me aside he was [TS]

  a regular customer every Saturday night [TS]

  and he asked me what I knew about the [TS]

  Trilateral Commission uh-huh and I said [TS]

  I said can I get you more water and he [TS]

  said do you understand what the [TS]

  Trilateral Commission is and I said I do [TS]

  not know what the trial omission is and [TS]

  and this is gonna surprise you but at [TS]

  length he told me what the Trilateral [TS]

  Commission is and now my first my first [TS]

  hands-on exposure to conspiracy culture [TS]

  was probably 1979 or 80 I I don't think [TS]

  I don't think it became such a thing [TS]

  until maybe even Waco like I don't think [TS]

  that normal people would look at [TS]

  something like that and go you are a [TS]

  loon yeah well because because the great [TS]

  conspiracies all were anti-semitic right [TS]

  I mean you were you had to you already [TS]

  had established yourself if you were [TS]

  talk about the trilateral commission [TS]

  there was an 80% chance that you were [TS]

  gonna start talking about the [TS]

  Rothschilds Zionism yeah and in a winky [TS]

  winky kind of way okay okay um you know [TS]

  the protocols of the Elders of Zion [TS]

  just like JFK well so that was right I [TS]

  think JFK was great probably the first I [TS]

  mean after after it let's be honest [TS]

  after the Judaism issue JFK has got to [TS]

  be one of the first truly great white [TS]

  people conspiracies right where the word [TS]

  that I mean the CIA the Cubans Lyndon [TS]

  Johnson the like the people that managed [TS]

  Wiggly pigley like everybody was [TS]

  involved it's all connected I have seen [TS]

  look at this red yarn but in the in the [TS]

  80s and into I think the first [TS]

  conspiracy a book I read that wasn't [TS]

  that wasn't like a mainstream conspiracy [TS]

  like who shot JFK [TS]

  was a book called behold the pale horse [TS]

  oh yeah you've talked about this remind [TS]

  me about this yeah behold the pale horse [TS]

  was written by one of these guys [TS]

  probably the same guy that that wouldn't [TS]

  let you finish your busboy rounds cuz he [TS]

  wanted to talk about the crisis it's all [TS]

  connected John everything's kind of put [TS]

  it but this was the first book I think [TS]

  that made that argument that it's all [TS]

  connected and it goes down throughout [TS]

  the book and it and it talks about all [TS]

  the conspiracies the Flat Earth them [TS]

  under the under the ice UFO secret [TS]

  government has have been around for a [TS]

  while the lizard people yeah it has and [TS]

  and this guy took it all and put it [TS]

  together you know as he know with a [TS]

  conspiracy it there only has to be loose [TS]

  association association it wouldn't be a [TS]

  conspiracy do you know do you know what [TS]

  kind of like self-knowledge and sanity [TS]

  it takes to take in that much disparate [TS]

  information and stay a sane person it [TS]

  takes a very strong character trying it [TS]

  does it does and and it's funny because [TS]

  yesterday I posted without comment a [TS]

  couple of grapple graphs and [TS]

  infographics and put on some [TS]

  infographics that I found as I was [TS]

  watching the internet go as I was [TS]

  watching it roll on roll on steam [TS]

  rolling on I found these infographics on [TS]

  voxcom [TS]

  and one of them they were two very [TS]

  interesting ones it was just like gun [TS]

  ownership on one axis to violent deaths [TS]

  on another axis by state and by and by [TS]

  country by nation and you know [TS]

  predictable results like the states that [TS]

  had more gun ownership had more gun [TS]

  deaths I know that's a radical I mean [TS]

  you're not even drawing a conclusion [TS]

  from it it's just a data all right and [TS]

  the countries that had more guns had [TS]

  more gun deaths in them there's not a [TS]

  graphic indicating how many good guys [TS]

  with guns bring up that save rate yeah [TS]

  and it doesn't end it and and to be [TS]

  honest it does not make a distinction [TS]

  between [TS]

  and suicide deaths and violent crime [TS]

  deaths I think it's cause mm-hmm and and [TS]

  and there was and it was hilarious [TS]

  because you know at first of course my [TS]

  Twitter followers the initial wave of [TS]

  them are like wow you know this should [TS]

  this is a wake-up call or you know it [TS]

  was like the the sort of Twitter [TS]

  responses that are validating the [TS]

  amplifying preaching to the choir once [TS]

  and then it got into that realm of [TS]

  internet professor oh boy here he comes [TS]

  and the first and and and people who are [TS]

  like I'm not a statistician but I play [TS]

  one on TV yeah and I got the first reply [TS]

  where the reply er used the word [TS]

  causation and I was like in before [TS]

  correlation does not equal causation [TS]

  like I wanted to get in before that in [TS]

  the in the in the 4chan parlance because [TS]

  law and the the first ones were these [TS]

  people that were like interesting [TS]

  correlation mm-hm [TS]

  and I was like is that feels like a dog [TS]

  whistle mm-hmm but then out it goes into [TS]

  the world [TS]

  and pretty soon it's one of those things [TS]

  that has found its way to people that [TS]

  are that are sitting on their branches [TS]

  out in the doubt in the dirt and there's [TS]

  no I made no comments on these graphs [TS]

  and within the graph fix themselves [TS]

  there's no commentary it's just simply a [TS]

  line turns out when there's more rain [TS]

  things get wet that's right it's just [TS]

  the thing and people started arguing [TS]

  they started arguing with the with the [TS]

  graphic because they started arguing [TS]

  with the implication that they drew from [TS]

  the graphic and gradually little by [TS]

  little came this wave of correlation [TS]

  does not equal causation [TS]

  and what that is is the that's another [TS]

  one of these things like ad hominem [TS]

  attack or straw man fallacy where you [TS]

  get a term and it's used enough that it [TS]

  is disseminated out to a group of people [TS]

  that don't really know how to use it [TS]

  but they but now they're employing it as [TS]

  a way of like like during the during the [TS]

  last election the number of times I read [TS]

  the word straw man mm-hm [TS]

  even referring to things that was like [TS]

  well that's what you know that's [TS]

  actually not I mean it it is a fallacy [TS]

  it's just not that one but it's one of [TS]

  those ones like like the one the classic [TS]

  hit for me is just introducing the [TS]

  notion of hypocrisy it's one of those [TS]

  it's in your quiver as one of those [TS]

  things that will just shut down the [TS]

  conversation and you may understand why [TS]

  the conversation just shut down but you [TS]

  feel you get to feel like you won [TS]

  because you said caught you said you [TS]

  said correlation yeah yeah that's right [TS]

  and so that I think came as a result of [TS]

  people trying to talk to conspiracy [TS]

  theorists and say well I mean I see [TS]

  there is some correlation here but it [TS]

  but it doesn't that doesn't mean that [TS]

  there's causation here and the [TS]

  conspiracy theorist got that and they [TS]

  were like hmm that's that shut me down [TS]

  that time I didn't know what that meant [TS]

  so now I'm gonna I'm gonna turn that [TS]

  around [TS]

  right and now all the conspiracy [TS]

  theorists are using it or or rather all [TS]

  that like nuts are using it to to argue [TS]

  with graphs all right argue with like [TS]

  not just statistic that's the price of [TS]

  freedom John it was really an [TS]

  interesting process really an [TS]

  interesting like three hours because it [TS]

  just press freedom John in order to have [TS]

  the freedom to have guns for no [TS]

  particular reason we need to understand [TS]

  some people are going to die from guns [TS]

  cuz that's the price of freedom it is [TS]

  freedom it is the price of freedom well [TS]

  I think you know the other thing you [TS]

  have to remember is people die Oh [TS]

  correlation yeah well things go to sleep [TS]

  there's no snow and then you wake up and [TS]

  everybody's been shot that's a [TS]

  correlation [TS]

  it's not the gun it's the bullet that [TS]

  kills people so what are you gonna do [TS]

  Marilyn you're gonna make bullets you [TS]

  gonna take physics and make it illegal [TS]

  you can't land on a fraction law cars [TS]

  kill people you're gonna make cars [TS]

  illegal this episode of Roderick on the [TS]

  line is brought to you in part by our X [TS]

  bar you can learn more about our X bar [TS]

  right now by visiting our X bar comm /r [TS]

  OTL this is a new sponsor and we are [TS]

  very very excited to have them I am a [TS]

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  the thing I I my pal Dan introduced me [TS]

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  got totally hooked see I do this dumb [TS]

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  eat all day long he gets to be like 2 or [TS]

  3 o'clock I forget to eat [TS]

  what am I gonna do I go eat a like a [TS]

  like a whole [TS]

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  online and all the great shows for a [TS]

  half your argument is invalid so anyway [TS]

  but I I want to return just for a moment [TS]

  to your search for a cat box yeah have [TS]

  you ever I've seen a lot of cat boxes [TS]

  advertised as smell free mm-hmm smell [TS]

  proof and I've never actually seen a cat [TS]

  box in the wild that was truly smell [TS]

  proof I've seen smell proof [TS]

  self-cleaning cat boxes in the wild but [TS]

  they smell like cat boxes yeah do you [TS]

  know of in all this technology so we put [TS]

  a man on the moon right we we have [TS]

  invented the Roomba [TS]

  can't put metal in the microwave but you [TS]

  can't put metal in the microwave also a [TS]

  microwave cannot cook the center of a [TS]

  lasagna no matter how long you put it in [TS]

  there that's I have seen that just [TS]

  that's not correlation that's just a [TS]

  fact yeah so yeah [TS]

  oh you guys are you real smart you got a [TS]

  thousand Rams in your computers ya [TS]

  figure this out but how the fuck do you [TS]

  cook the inside of a lasagna you can't [TS]

  do it yeah but why has there not why has [TS]

  Elon Musk or someone or the poor the [TS]

  dude bro from snapchat yes why did he [TS]

  make those sunglasses [TS]

  stead of actually inventing a way to own [TS]

  a cat and not have your house smell like [TS]

  a cat scene why would anybody spend [TS]

  money putting in fucking granite [TS]

  counters in their kitchen when they [TS]

  could use that money to make a secret [TS]

  room whoa right oh how about I you know [TS]

  what I want everything in my kitchen to [TS]

  be invisible [TS]

  I don't want doors I don't want to see [TS]

  doors but I can't can't afford a hidden [TS]

  room here's the thing I think there's [TS]

  two ways to look at smell at least two [TS]

  ways to look at smell in the one way the [TS]

  one that people think about is ooh my [TS]

  cat makes a tinkle on a duty in a box [TS]

  right and I don't want to smell it no [TS]

  right I think that's when most people [TS]

  talk about that I think that's what they [TS]

  mean in our case it's that as much as [TS]

  one does not want to be led around by [TS]

  one's cat one's cat decides whether or [TS]

  not that box will accommodate its [TS]

  blessing oh and so the other kind of [TS]

  smell is it maybe the cat doesn't like [TS]

  the way that thing smells so although [TS]

  the pleasant knock-on effect of [TS]

  frequently changing or you know sifting [TS]

  out the cat box and nice knock-on effect [TS]

  of that as your house does not smell [TS]

  like ammonia as much right the important [TS]

  thing is you make sure you maintain a [TS]

  high level of confidence and dignity [TS]

  with your cat that your cat knows that [TS]

  the he or she or they can go into the [TS]

  box and offer up their blessing in a way [TS]

  that won't be disturbing to them has it [TS]

  ever occurred to you or does it appeal [TS]

  to you at all to be one of those people [TS]

  that teaches their cat to crouched on [TS]

  the toilet seat and go to the bathroom [TS]

  in the toilet I'm intrigued by the [TS]

  people who do and I've done a little bit [TS]

  of scholarship about cat training I [TS]

  don't I don't hold that it is impossible [TS]

  is probably difficult but I think if you [TS]

  if you're the kind of person that really [TS]

  wants to train a cat maybe you can or [TS]

  more importantly maybe you can see [TS]

  yourself you think the cat if you're the [TS]

  kind of person who wants to think that [TS]

  you've trained a cat yes I like that [TS]

  it's kind of it's a kind of feline [TS]

  suggestibility I'm not against it and [TS]

  I'm not saying it doesn't exist don't [TS]

  don't email me yeah what we were looking [TS]

  for was we have an old cat who's got a [TS]

  lot of problems and at one point why did [TS]

  we do this basically we wanted to have a [TS]

  box that she would enjoy using and that [TS]

  we ideally wouldn't have to see [TS]

  and smell so we've tried some different [TS]

  ones now we're gonna get a lot of [TS]

  letters about this because you can [TS]

  actually plunge a lot of money I have [TS]

  friends who have the very expensive [TS]

  self-cleaning boxes that look like a [TS]

  space capsule uh-huh and you can spend [TS]

  four figures on something like that and [TS]

  those worked there they're useful device [TS]

  they think they work they tell you that [TS]

  they work but I mean that's a lot like [TS]

  trading a cat yeah right that's the [TS]

  thing right they try they tell you that [TS]

  works but how much how much side [TS]

  maintenance are they doing that they're [TS]

  not acknowledged John is there any [TS]

  chance that it could just be cat [TS]

  correlation cat correlation is not [TS]

  causation it could be a cat availability [TS]

  heuristic right cat confirmation by us [TS]

  it could be a cat hominem argument well [TS]

  there it is cat confirmation bias [TS]

  because there tip so plasma trichinosis [TS]

  deposit trichinosis and also yeah you [TS]

  know I mean like you know who knows no [TS]

  the cat has you convinced and smell the [TS]

  cat is important right the cat the cats [TS]

  like you love the smell who's training [TS]

  whom maybe it's training less that's it [TS]

  that was one of my favorite or a late [TS]

  period or eat the Franklin I don't know [TS]

  why we have animals in our house some of [TS]

  the photographs of these cat boxes are [TS]

  very very funny just like the idea that [TS]

  you get your lamp up on the table and [TS]

  you see this little head sticking out oh [TS]

  yeah this is my shit box I put a light I [TS]

  visited a cat last night oh that I used [TS]

  to own Oh [TS]

  after my wonderful cat my beloved cat [TS]

  Lewis was killed I was despondent and a [TS]

  friend of mine had a cat that was the [TS]

  this friend of mine was in a love [TS]

  relationship with a guy that I know I [TS]

  know them both they're both friends of [TS]

  mine and it turned out that their and [TS]

  then they had a baby a beautiful [TS]

  beautiful baby and then it turned out [TS]

  that the guy didn't really want to like [TS]

  be tied down by a bunch of rules sound [TS]

  and so we're always trying to tie it [TS]

  down with rules I know [TS]

  rules and stuff and so their [TS]

  relationship ended and as a parting gift [TS]

  to kind of like maybe salve the wound of [TS]

  him just moving into an apartment across [TS]

  town and getting a girlfriend he got [TS]

  them a cat that they didn't want I'm [TS]

  kind of fun it was like a lovely parting [TS]

  gift it was sort of like oh you know [TS]

  brought it home it gave the cat to the [TS]

  little girl like sweetie I got you this [TS]

  wonderful gift you take care of this now [TS]

  yeah and the mom was like we didn't want [TS]

  cat yeah and if we had wanted a cat it [TS]

  wouldn't be that cat we didn't even get [TS]

  to choose the cat and he dropped the cat [TS]

  off and then was never seen again [TS]

  definitely a certain kind of genre of [TS]

  gift here you have yes yeah and and it's [TS]

  not that he was never seen again I see [TS]

  him all the time it's just that he never [TS]

  was seen again in the context of the cat [TS]

  this was one of those cats that was [TS]

  weaned too early it had it's a cat whose [TS]

  head is too small for its body oh no not [TS]

  like micro encephalitis of Oh Mike Oh [TS]

  Mike Rowe okay oh no so cephalic did it [TS]

  was it was just a you know some cats [TS]

  have proportions like anybody else and I [TS]

  don't want a body shame this cat but [TS]

  it's just like him just for you it's not [TS]

  the prettiest cat no no and what you [TS]

  picked it to bring into your home for [TS]

  ever this is not a cat I would have [TS]

  picked this is a cat that my mom would [TS]

  suggest that you drown in a river she's [TS]

  from Ohio she has she had 20 cats living [TS]

  under the corn crib but that's a [TS]

  different thing and so the cat was one [TS]

  of those cats that if you touched it the [TS]

  first time it would purr have you [TS]

  touched it the second time it would like [TS]

  rub up against your hand I mean if you [TS]

  touched it the third time it would grab [TS]

  you in its claws and bite you I'm not [TS]

  I'm not a cat psychologist but you think [TS]

  that comes from the weaning too early it [TS]

  sounds like it has trust issues in [TS]

  additionally have a tiny tiny head it [TS]

  sounds like it's got trust issues cuz Oh [TS]

  a cat is ultimately a wild animal [TS]

  it wants to be wild that's right and [TS]

  this cat did have trust issues this cat [TS]

  was purchased or [TS]

  scavenged by this guy who immediately [TS]

  handed it over to a one and a half year [TS]

  old and they start and and a woman that [TS]

  didn't want it there but I think it was [TS]

  already this way so the cat stayed with [TS]

  them for a while at this point we saw [TS]

  evidence no no he left a cat into the [TS]

  house like dropped it off and said here [TS]

  this is me now no no I mean I think he [TS]

  sees her on Wednesdays and Sundays [TS]

  what's the cat I sleep and and so this [TS]

  little girl you know these are [TS]

  progressive people these are good [TS]

  friends of mine and progressive people [TS]

  and they were one of the they were one [TS]

  of the parents's who taught their pre [TS]

  verbal child sign language oh right [TS]

  because of the you know because of the [TS]

  understanding that child can communicate [TS]

  before they can talk and so they taught [TS]

  the the baby how to sign like hungry and [TS]

  tired and stopped sending to me mad and [TS]

  like you know you're not the boss of me [TS]

  and whatever else and so the mom my pal [TS]

  came into the room one time to find the [TS]

  cat like claws in each side of the [TS]

  baby's head like like cat biting the the [TS]

  baby's pate made the baby into prey [TS]

  while the baby was signing frantically [TS]

  signing stop stop stop [TS]

  no I hate that image it's terrible and [TS]

  stuff cuz the cat didn't speak baby [TS]

  silent hitch the cat did not speak baby [TS]

  silent they should see they should've [TS]

  thought the big cat sign language well [TS]

  this is the thing they taught the baby [TS]

  sign language they didn't I guess [TS]

  communicate to the baby that she needed [TS]

  to be looking at someone while signing [TS]

  and so that they could see her she was [TS]

  talking to herself with her hands yeah [TS]

  she was talking to them to the walls and [TS]

  so the mom immediately called me and [TS]

  said we need your help and that help is [TS]

  get this cat out of here can't do an [TS]

  extraction and I said I'll be there in [TS]

  15 minutes [TS]

  and so I came over with a cat extraction [TS]

  vehicle [TS]

  that's right it was it was like a Geek [TS]

  Squad actually doesn't yeah I showed up [TS]

  with a cardboard box and a roll of [TS]

  masking sitting by the front door for [TS]

  other reasons I was like okay I'll take [TS]

  this box in this roll of masking tape [TS]

  mm-hm [TS]

  so I show up over there and here's this [TS]

  cat who now just seems demure and and [TS]

  the baby the cat doesn't know it's bad [TS]

  we put that on the cat cat spine and you [TS]

  know I am a cat whisperer that's why she [TS]

  called me [TS]

  and so I'm there and and I do the thing [TS]

  that a cat whisperer does which is not [TS]

  approach the cat you just sit and start [TS]

  making Pleasant chitchat with the with [TS]

  the other humans let the cat find you [TS]

  the cat's gonna find you cats not [TS]

  unaware that you're there it's curious [TS]

  it just means it's time so I'm talking [TS]

  to the to the grown-up and you know and [TS]

  interacting with the child and they both [TS]

  have a look of desperation in their eyes [TS]

  like like a Stockholm Syndrome situation [TS]

  like everything's fine everything's fine [TS]

  but there there's eyeballing me well [TS]

  their adrenaline let's just be pumping [TS]

  yeah when are you gonna get this this [TS]

  monster out of here right and I'm you [TS]

  know I'm like I'm like the bus driver in [TS]

  in the spill Justin Hoffman movie one [TS]

  day but no the one who walks around the [TS]

  streets shouting Attica Attica oh yeah [TS]

  Dog Day Afternoon I'm like the I'm like [TS]

  the cop bus driver that that fooled the [TS]

  audience in the big twist at the end of [TS]

  the movie when I see so spoiler alert [TS]

  you're the sleeper cell [TS]

  I'm the sleeper cell or something you're [TS]

  at least in disguise so but you know in [TS]

  your kind of training that like you need [TS]

  to come in and play it off legit the [TS]

  only way to make friends with a cat is [TS]

  to not pay attention to the cat that's [TS]

  right and so the cat eventually finds me [TS]

  and I pick the cat up and the cat is you [TS]

  know the cat gives me two three paths [TS]

  and then is [TS]

  biting me and climbing me mm-hmm but in [TS]

  a way that it thinks is fun and I'm like [TS]

  you know Kitty I've been clawed by by [TS]

  bigger cats than you and I gradually [TS]

  just maintaining friendly eye contact [TS]

  with my friend and her daughter I take [TS]

  the cat [TS]

  I put the cat in the box now you me that [TS]

  simple did you scoop it did you did you [TS]

  grab it by the by the scrub I already [TS]

  had the cat in in my lap you're doing [TS]

  like a Blofeld pet yeah and then the cat [TS]

  a Blofeld pet that's attacking you okay [TS]

  I put the cat in the box now the cat did [TS]

  not expect the box the cat never expects [TS]

  the box if you leave a box out a cat [TS]

  will go into it [TS]

  but the cat expects that box mm-hmm so [TS]

  if you go if you try and approach that [TS]

  box with the cat in it and like close up [TS]

  the box it depends on the cat yeah [TS]

  that's gonna sometimes but in this [TS]

  instance it was like hey cat why don't [TS]

  you go in this box for a little bit I [TS]

  put the cat in the box and then I tried [TS]

  to seal the box with masking tape [TS]

  loosely right but standard cardboard [TS]

  Amazon stop box with four flaps that's [TS]

  right oh boy now I don't know if you've [TS]

  ever tried to seal a cat in oh yeah but [TS]

  cat was not into it and masking tape is [TS]

  not sufficient you know you you're never [TS]

  really truly ready for a motivated cat [TS]

  that's right that's right it was the cat [TS]

  moves in ways that are very [TS]

  unpredictable the best you can do is [TS]

  like like a blanket party the best you [TS]

  can do is like basically throw it in a [TS]

  sack which I've done I have thrown a cat [TS]

  in a sack it's yeah as you need to [TS]

  really like overwhelm the cat so quickly [TS]

  that there's no part of their body [TS]

  they're like yeah like any kind of a [TS]

  pest if they can get their head out the [TS]

  whole body will come out that's exactly [TS]

  what I get for flaps down and tape it it [TS]

  was very hard and I'm God I mean I read [TS]

  a thread on Quora the other day where [TS]

  some European smartypants was like why [TS]

  are American cops so rough [TS]

  and then of course there was the [TS]

  predictable answer from a bunch of cops [TS]

  but what is correlation yeah one of the [TS]

  cops was like I'd like to propose a [TS]

  thought experiment why don't you go [TS]

  wherever you are and find the smallest [TS]

  person you know just the one that you [TS]

  think is like the smallest least [TS]

  physically imposing person you know now [TS]

  try to put handcuffs on them if they [TS]

  don't want you to yeah what we're [TS]

  neither one did you get hurt I challenge [TS]

  you go do it now find the smallest [TS]

  person I mean that's not a child the [TS]

  smallest adult person you and try and [TS]

  put handcuffs on it you say go and [TS]

  apprehend a twink we go well now that's [TS]

  not a word we can use it I use that word [TS]

  anymore I can't say it because it's not [TS]

  part okay okay let's say you've got to [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  get this cat in the box I put enough [TS]

  masking tape over it that it is just an [TS]

  initial level and I mean I was coming [TS]

  out of the crack well at the very first [TS]

  I think I had successfully convinced the [TS]

  cat it was a game but then I picked the [TS]

  box up and I am saying [TS]

  avoir to my friends as I'm hustling to [TS]

  the door with the cat in the box and the [TS]

  cat then realizes the jig is up [TS]

  and nothing to lose he's trying to get [TS]

  out of that box [TS]

  sure and once we get outside I don't [TS]

  want to let the cat out of the box [TS]

  outside cuz it's not an outside cat so [TS]

  I'm on my way to the car and I'm trying [TS]

  to keep the cat immediately has nine [TS]

  paws right like how are how are all [TS]

  these paws getting out of this box [TS]

  there's like I can count nine paws as [TS]

  it's just thrashing and roaring well I [TS]

  get it to get it to my car and I get the [TS]

  cat in the car and then I don't care if [TS]

  it gets out of the box because the car [TS]

  is a contained environment all I have to [TS]

  do is get the cat in the box one more [TS]

  time [TS]

  I get it in the car I take it and I get [TS]

  in the car okay and she puts a bunch of [TS]

  cat accoutrement in the trunk and she's [TS]

  so grateful she's like thank you [TS]

  collects all the cats things all the [TS]

  cats luggage in the trunk can I go home [TS]

  the cat is walking around my car roaring [TS]

  at me [TS]

  at me [TS]

  I'm only grateful that it is a girl cat [TS]

  because she's not like pissing on [TS]

  everything in that kind of fury piss [TS]

  that only a cat can do like a dog does a [TS]

  defensive spray or a scared spray we're [TS]

  scared spray right I think that's the [TS]

  that's what a cat does when it feels [TS]

  threatened but a cat's an asshole right [TS]

  cuz they're all assholes it feels [TS]

  threatened just because you're like you [TS]

  put it in a car in a box covered with [TS]

  masking tape anyway I get it home and I [TS]

  get the cat in the in the house and the [TS]

  cat and I began to live together well so [TS]

  so the cat is named Lucy and I could [TS]

  never separate the cat's name from [TS]

  Lucile Van Pelt's because they basically [TS]

  have the same personality the cat is [TS]

  deceptive the cat is like you know like [TS]

  it's one of those cats where you wake up [TS]

  in the morning you stumble down the [TS]

  stairs pour yourself a cup of ambition [TS]

  yawn stretch try to you know come to [TS]

  life and this cat leaps out from behind [TS]

  leaps out from its secret room which we [TS]

  weren't even aware existed and claws the [TS]

  shit out of your ankles while you're not [TS]

  ready and now you're in a Clouseau and [TS]

  Kato type situation it's exactly right [TS]

  where the cat the cat thinks that it's [TS]

  funny to come attack you and then rage [TS]

  off into the night and so you're always [TS]

  walking around the house with your [TS]

  ankles and wrists are are always like [TS]

  covered with scratches and you have I [TS]

  mean I had cat scratch fever the entire [TS]

  time cat scratch fever it's better than [TS]

  Wango Tango it's a great riff dude that [TS]

  is a really good riff so eventually [TS]

  didn't scratched by Kate oh yeah [TS]

  actually I'm like cat [TS]

  Lucy Lucy cat she lived here for about [TS]

  six months I was like Lucy I just I find [TS]

  this relationship [TS]

  just isn't going anywhere like I'm not [TS]

  falling in love with you I mean I fell [TS]

  in love with Lois the day he showed up [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  just not meant to be [TS]

  I'm not bonding with you sweetheart [TS]

  mm-hmm and I said you're gonna go live [TS]

  on a farm and in this case on the farm [TS]

  the farm is my mom's house oh I see it's [TS]

  it's a metaphorical metaphorical form [TS]

  that's right because my mom had 20 cats [TS]

  living under the corn crib and only two [TS]

  of them had names she knows what to do [TS]

  with a disagreeable cat [TS]

  she's not gonna train you to go to the [TS]

  bathroom in a toilet she just doesn't [TS]

  care [TS]

  mm-hmm and that like lack of care kind [TS]

  of extends in all directions so the cat [TS]

  went to live with my mom and my mom was [TS]

  fine she was fine the cat was fine I [TS]

  think the I think Lucy understood as all [TS]

  animals do that you do not jump out from [TS]

  behind a piece of furniture and claw my [TS]

  mom now boy we do it once it's not at [TS]

  one time buddy we had a cat that would [TS]

  not enter the living room I knew better [TS]

  it knew better than to go into the [TS]

  living room and we would all be in the [TS]

  living room with the doors wide open on [TS]

  both sides and the cat would would come [TS]

  to the threshold of the living room and [TS]

  sit now if you can train a cat to do [TS]

  that I will put in with you you cannot [TS]

  train a cat to do it unless you are my [TS]

  mom and she never hit this is also an [TS]

  important distinction though because [TS]

  training is man I'm gonna get a book and [TS]

  I'm gonna get an audio book and I'm [TS]

  gonna watch some YouTube videos and I'm [TS]

  gonna train my cat or you could be the [TS]

  kind of person who throws a certain [TS]

  shape where the cat just learns how to [TS]

  stay alive yeah the cat was like [TS]

  entering that room puts me at risk [TS]

  somehow I don't get my mind right yeah [TS]

  psionic risk mm-hmm because the woman [TS]

  there the woman what that is that is [TS]

  vibrating in colors that only I can see [TS]

  the woman that is making that is making [TS]

  noises at both ends of the [TS]

  sonic spectrum that no human can hear [TS]

  she comes in colors everywhere yeah she [TS]

  will send mind lightning now huh if I [TS]

  walk across the threshold so I don't [TS]

  want that sadness that's a good word for [TS]

  it yeah so and my mom uses psyonix all [TS]

  the time she uses it on like I haven't [TS]

  seen her in months and I get her [TS]

  psionics yeah well she's she walks [TS]

  around and like um you know like bad men [TS]

  on the sidewalk in the middle of the [TS]

  night we'll kind of step to the side and [TS]

  take their head their their their [TS]

  balaclavas off on their way to their [TS]

  their appointment robbing stores milady [TS]

  yeah she does it but she eventually said [TS]

  there's no there is no magic to this cat [TS]

  mm and if I'm gonna feed and clothe a [TS]

  worker I would like that worker to be [TS]

  working in the mind and a cat has a job [TS]

  yeah and this cat is not performing up [TS]

  to the standards of employment here well [TS]

  right about that time Erik Corson bass [TS]

  player of the long winters was spending [TS]

  a lot of time at the house because we [TS]

  had built a studio in our Munk hole in [TS]

  the basement of her house we had a rock [TS]

  and roll monk hole down in the basement [TS]

  no one down by your racks of glasses yep [TS]

  yeah down there we call it the Red Room [TS]

  but it was only because it had I had [TS]

  chosen for it bright red carpet but the [TS]

  room itself was painted gunmetal grey so [TS]

  it was already it was already creating [TS]

  like disturbance in you even as he [TS]

  walked through the door like it was like [TS]

  alert alert alert monk home uncle Eric [TS]

  loved it down there and he he and I were [TS]

  spending a bunch of time down there [TS]

  recording tambourine tracks on the [TS]

  unreleased forth long winter's records [TS]

  months and months anyway Eric and Lucy [TS]

  saw each other across a crowded dance [TS]

  floor and moved through the crowd toward [TS]

  one another and met in the middle and [TS]

  were never to be apart and Lucy now to [TS]

  this day [TS]

  ten years later lives happily with Eric [TS]

  Carson in his house in white center [TS]

  Seattle and Eric thinks about her and [TS]

  she thinks about him every minute of [TS]

  their lives and he and every morning he [TS]

  wakes up and stumbles to the kitchen she [TS]

  attacks him and shreds his ankles and he [TS]

  considers it the ultimate gesture of [TS]

  love and he grabs her and goes oh do do [TS]

  pooty doo doo doo dee and she bites him [TS]

  in shreds him and he goes Dora burger [TS]

  googoo gaagaa and she loves him I've [TS]

  never seen an animal love a person so [TS]

  much she wasn't doing it out of [TS]

  malfeasant aggression no that's how she [TS]

  do this is just a weaning thing she is [TS]

  so important didn't get enough time with [TS]

  her mom so I'm interacting with Lucy all [TS]

  the time because I've been over Eric's [TS]

  house oh really and you know glad to [TS]

  hear that yeah it's fun oh it's fun [TS]

  um and my impression of I mean I've had [TS]

  more interesting interpersonal [TS]

  interactions with a hard-boiled egg that [TS]

  I have Lucy do you see listen [TS]

  differently now I mean now that you see [TS]

  Lucy in an accommodating environment you [TS]

  see the cat differently well when I look [TS]

  into her eyes deep into her eyes tiny [TS]

  little head I see into infinity because [TS]

  between her eyes and infinity there [TS]

  isn't anything it just goes and goes is [TS]

  she an old soul [TS]

  I don't know why I think that is part of [TS]

  the infinity in there okay and it may be [TS]

  that I don't see it because it's smaller [TS]

  than the space that it's meant to occupy [TS]

  it's kind of like maybe it's down in the [TS]

  bottom and I can't quite see it okay but [TS]

  she and Eric understand each other [TS]

  perfectly and watching her be a good [TS]

  house cat and a good studio cat and like [TS]

  a constant companion and friend she she [TS]

  and Eric play this game you know he has [TS]

  one of those walk around houses where [TS]

  you walk into the kitchen then you can [TS]

  go down the hall and you come back into [TS]

  the living room and you know you can go [TS]

  around in a circle oh that's a nice plan [TS]

  they play a game like it like an adult [TS]

  and a toddler where she follows him [TS]

  around the ceramics the Eric see adult [TS]

  Eric's the adult in this case okay she [TS]

  or or actually depending you know it [TS]

  depends on who how old the toddler isn't [TS]

  who who's in charge of the games but [TS]

  he'll he'll go around he'll sneak around [TS]

  until she's like where'd he go and then [TS]

  she turns around and goes the other way [TS]

  and then he turns around it goes the [TS]

  other way and they'll sit in the living [TS]

  room and watch them play this game and [TS]

  they're both having the time of their [TS]

  life um and they're you know and Eric's [TS]

  like where'd he go wait oh wait and [TS]

  she's like looking around this corner [TS]

  look out and then she's like I'm gonna [TS]

  get him this time and goes this way and [TS]

  I'm like this is amazing [TS]

  I feel like this is a YouTube channel [TS]

  that like that they just haven't [TS]

  discovered yet I mean it so this is [TS]

  could be a YouTube channel that had 40 [TS]

  million views yeah oh no question about [TS]

  it he be he well they they would both be [TS]

  huge stars so and of course in Japan a [TS]

  fat cat with a tiny head there's [TS]

  probably a whole word for that there's a [TS]

  word and there's a fan fan group you [TS]

  probably get a pillow like that you can [TS]

  sleep with a pillow with it that guy [TS]

  with the tiny head in a bikini a tiny [TS]

  bikini spiky blue hair but it was it it [TS]

  has taught me you know it has taught me [TS]

  to believe in happy end [TS]

  I should say so because I did not see it [TS]

  going this way John no I like this is [TS]

  like he just fired into the Sun my god I [TS]

  was prepared to take Lucy down to the [TS]

  Washington State ferry system and take [TS]

  her on a ferry and then leave the ferry [TS]

  without her and after a while the people [TS]

  that work on the ferry would after about [TS]

  three trips I think they'd be like is [TS]

  there a cat on the Thomas ferry yeah [TS]

  he's like a monkey's paw yeah and then [TS]

  they would find a home for her right [TS]

  yeah that's right a car would get on and [TS]

  the cat would jump in the car I mean [TS]

  whatever it would be it'd be it would be [TS]

  one of those great adventure movies but [TS]

  that's not what happened it turned out [TS]

  that that all Lucy needed was Erik and [TS]

  while Erik needed was Lucy I don't like [TS]

  to talk about this because it reveals [TS]

  something about myself but it reveals a [TS]

  lot of things about myself that I'm just [TS]

  it's not very on-brand for me I hope we [TS]

  heard that there's a thing you can get [TS]

  when you have a pet especially a cat you [TS]

  hear about things that you can get you [TS]

  hear about this from like news groups [TS]

  yes sure friends circles you hear about [TS]

  like oh you should get it this kind of [TS]

  scratching post you should get your cat [TS]

  this kind of a bowl so it doesn't get [TS]

  whisker fatigue you should get it this [TS]

  kind of a box you should get we heard [TS]

  about something called comfort zone [TS]

  comfort zone it looks like one of those [TS]

  modern air freshener things like a [TS]

  renews it kind of thing where you plug [TS]

  it in and basically it claims to release [TS]

  a relaxing scent that relaxes the cat we [TS]

  bought these years ago seen this coming [TS]

  asking if I'd have for the same scent I [TS]

  don't know I'm not a cat can you smell [TS]

  it no I don't just uses electric as far [TS]

  as I know it could be it could be [TS]

  glycerin in there I don't know but like [TS]

  we went through this time where the cat [TS]

  has had a very traumatic life she was [TS]

  bullied she's [TS]

  she's funny-looking she's got a lot of [TS]

  problems and then sometimes she's a [TS]

  stand in the hallway and do this up to [TS]

  13 times often at 4:00 in the morning my [TS]

  wife says to me she says well maybe we [TS]

  should get some of these cat relaxers [TS]

  and I said do you think you had a job in [TS]

  like a nuclear missile silo klaxon and [TS]

  you know you gotta buy refills for them [TS]

  and so yeah relax her refills we use it [TS]

  for a while it ran out I didn't give it [TS]

  much thought but it was determined by [TS]

  members of our household that it made a [TS]

  difference really and you know what so [TS]

  we got more of them we I now have a [TS]

  reminder every two weeks to check out [TS]

  that I actually have something I have to [TS]

  click that says check on cat relaxers [TS]

  these these things only last two weeks [TS]

  no they last seven supposedly a month [TS]

  this is the ultimate ill Marilyn oh god [TS]

  sing it sister about boxes of six I [TS]

  vitamins six packs now you have you have [TS]

  the greatest eel of all the electric cat [TS]

  relaxers I have to stop what I'm doing [TS]

  and walk around unscrew the bulb of cat [TS]

  relaxer and put a fresh one on because [TS]

  it's been determined that it helps now [TS]

  here's the funny part and this is why [TS]

  I'm so simpatico with your cat training [TS]

  you type situation which is I think they [TS]

  might work a little bit but I can't tell [TS]

  I don't know if it's a toxoplasmosis I [TS]

  don't know if it's love I don't know [TS]

  what it is but we now have Carol acts [TS]

  errs and I think it might work does the [TS]

  cat continue to klaxon in the middle of [TS]

  this is the problem now we don't know if [TS]

  it's the exception of the rule because [TS]

  sometimes she does it and it's cuz she [TS]

  wants food other times it might because [TS]

  she's lonely I think it's because she's [TS]

  deaf and blind although candidly I'm the [TS]

  only one who thinks that right she [TS]

  doesn't understand that [TS]

  don't stop stepping right where I'm [TS]

  about to step and then take take the [TS]

  next step to where I'm about to head [TS]

  stop seeing surprised [TS]

  I've never anywhere but where I walk all [TS]

  the time and if you keep walking right [TS]

  where I'm walking you're gonna have [TS]

  surprise for the last year was your [TS]

  fucking life yeah yeah so that's the [TS]

  thing I do now is do refill those do you [TS]

  think it could be whisker fatigue well [TS]

  we got the rules for that [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  [Laughter] [TS]