Roderick on the Line

Ep. 267: "Vintage Mops"


  [Music] [TS]

  hello guy John man how's it going good [TS]

  how are you going I'm going pretty good [TS]

  all right yeah yeah it feels weird to do [TS]

  this on Thursday yeah it's weird right [TS]

  what do you normally do on Thursdays [TS]

  Thursdays usually my um my admin day oh [TS]

  you do admin well you know people love [TS]

  people have jobs there's that phrase I'm [TS]

  working from home yeah yeah yeah so [TS]

  Thursday I mean oh you know well for men [TS]

  it usually means masturbation um but it [TS]

  this Thursday's my day when I usually [TS]

  take care of lots of little things that [TS]

  just kind of keep things running do you [TS]

  do you - do you do that I mean do you [TS]

  take care of little things or is it just [TS]

  the day that you set aside to take care [TS]

  of little things and then get distracted [TS]

  well you know it is it's an ongoing it's [TS]

  like painting the Golden Gate Bridge [TS]

  right you're always paying the Golden [TS]

  Gate Bridge you're never done painting [TS]

  the Golden Gate Bridge hmm you know but [TS]

  that's like there's always like [TS]

  basically it takes a year the way it's [TS]

  scheduled is and supposedly it takes a [TS]

  year to paint the Golden Gate Bridge and [TS]

  so basically you know you're just you [TS]

  you're painting it your painting parts [TS]

  you're painting it you're never not [TS]

  painting the Golden Gate Bridge does it [TS]

  always need some painting I understand [TS]

  that and I love that yeah it's like life [TS]

  has boat ownership so it could be stuff [TS]

  that's as simple as it could be just [TS]

  like day-to-day stuff like I want to [TS]

  make sure we're caught up on dishes and [TS]

  pans cuz maybe got a chicken pan that's [TS]

  been sitting around for a day or two [TS]

  tricking Ramji chicken pan sometimes you [TS]

  just don't clean the chicken pan right [TS]

  you know what I mean I've never cleaned [TS]

  a chicken pan but then I don't generate [TS]

  chicken pans we generate chicken pants [TS]

  were a chicken family we do a lot of [TS]

  things in pans and and but then it could [TS]

  be stuff moving up the ladder you get [TS]

  into the equally boring stuff like make [TS]

  sure that there is toilet paper in the [TS]

  house and that it has been properly [TS]

  located to the bathroom where needed [TS]

  deployed cats don't this applies I hate [TS]

  to interrupt but no doesn't your toilet [TS]

  paper isn't that on some kind of Amazon [TS]

  Prime alert the system where it's [TS]

  connected to your nest or something and [TS]

  when you when you get down at just Auto [TS]

  or yeah yeah yeah it knows that when we [TS]

  drop down to about [TS]

  see 8 degrees it's time for toilet paper [TS]

  some of those things you can do but you [TS]

  gotta be careful because then you end up [TS]

  with too many paper towels and then you [TS]

  gotta put that somewhere buddy it's a [TS]

  little bit of an art but I go through I [TS]

  go through all the pantries because this [TS]

  is super interesting but this is what I [TS]

  do on Thursdays I go through all the [TS]

  pantries to make sure are we running out [TS]

  of that soy milk drink my daughter likes [TS]

  all the stuff all the stuff that nobody [TS]

  but me thinks about are we running out [TS]

  of half-and-half I do all those things [TS]

  and I take care of those kinds of things [TS]

  and I try to fit in on a Thursday I try [TS]

  to fit in some kind of a nice to have [TS]

  like I try to do a nice family thing [TS]

  surprising family thing on Thursdays and [TS]

  then Friday 3 times I go see a movie you [TS]

  ever get a you ever get a bag of lint [TS]

  lint balls just for the table you come [TS]

  in you see a table just want that pizza [TS]

  right up but it's my idea power [TS]

  puttering in a lot of ways and you know [TS]

  but it's nice to talk to you they feel [TS]

  like it's been a long time does anybody [TS]

  in the house your house use half and [TS]

  half besides you [TS]

  honestly I am mostly off half and a half [TS]

  well which makes it difficult because if [TS]

  everybody's doing lots of half and half [TS]

  it's actually easier to manage if you [TS]

  have zero people doing half a half it's [TS]

  not a problem right if you have somebody [TS]

  to people who are doing lots of [TS]

  half-and-half you're getting it [TS]

  regularly enough the trouble is you get [TS]

  yourself you get a quart of [TS]

  half-and-half and it goes a lot faster [TS]

  than you think especially if you don't [TS]

  remind your husband you need to get more [TS]

  of it uh back in the day you went [TS]

  through more half-and-half than anybody [TS]

  that any two people I ever saw I made it [TS]

  it was more like a Starbucks drink what [TS]

  I used to make it now right here like [TS]

  the thing I just made for for our [TS]

  program that's just black coffee [TS]

  not just black Petes coffee but people [TS]

  calling Brooklyn's favorite sign he's a [TS]

  big part of the Dutch culture oh yeah [TS]

  yeah yeah he had to change his name in [TS]

  Ellis Island [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  what's stupid mmm but you know what I've [TS]

  also what I do now I do a very Roderick [TS]

  ish thing a lot of days especially I'm [TS]

  gonna do some morning puttering at the [TS]

  house hmm and so I'm really into those [TS]

  like you get some you know I like [TS]

  beakers and flasks I just like the way [TS]

  that they look what I do too so I'll [TS]

  take a 1 take a 1000 milliliter a 1 [TS]

  liter beaker like a regular old [TS]

  straight-up beaker still do the top with [TS]

  ice and then I'll cover that with hot [TS]

  coughing I'll drink that oh no [TS]

  half-and-half oh that's beautiful it's [TS]

  real real good I have some giant beakers [TS]

  Easter Stein's [TS]

  I'm drinking out of a Stein right now my [TS]

  current today's Stein is a vintage oh [TS]

  it's a Lowenbrau Stein from Munchen in [TS]

  Deutschland here's to good friends [TS]

  tonight is kind of special that's right [TS]

  I think this is a different kind of [TS]

  lowenbrau but but yeah yeah but I in the [TS]

  summertime I use my giant beakers to [TS]

  make iced tea mm-hmm and then it's [TS]

  somewhere between a personal amount and [TS]

  something you'd share with others it's [TS]

  mostly just a very very large portion [TS]

  for you well these beakers that I have [TS]

  are a foot tall or Oh 18 inches tall [TS]

  they're like very very you can barely [TS]

  fit them in the refrigerator well it's a [TS]

  multi liter unit yeah right and I [TS]

  sometimes I'll make one with ice tea and [TS]

  one with lemonade and then you know and [TS]

  then I just feel like I don't want to [TS]

  drink anything out of them because [TS]

  they're so perfect as they are looking [TS]

  here 2 liter graduated I'll look at that [TS]

  Oh see now this is a real oh this is [TS]

  made by Corning so it's very costly [TS]

  mm-hmm I don't usually get the Corning [TS]

  brand because they're very very costly [TS]

  do other brands meet your specs well not [TS]

  as much as I'd like but the truth is you [TS]

  can get a lot of knockoff stuff feel [TS]

  cheap you know what they want what these [TS]

  with these animals a Corning one for a [TS]

  two liter graduated low form Gryphon [TS]

  beaker $12 hundred and $19 that's [TS]

  outrageous that's that's a little more [TS]

  than I'd like to spend I feel like you [TS]

  can get these at medical and scientific [TS]

  supply [TS]

  auction type there are situations like [TS]

  surplus situations but you don't know [TS]

  what's been in those beakers I know I [TS]

  know it's certainly something to think [TS]

  about [TS]

  yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah oh yeah you see [TS]

  there's a lot here but you know this is [TS]

  a lot this is not so dissimilar from our [TS]

  philosophy of making all the bacon mm-hm [TS]

  you know when you're gonna make the tea [TS]

  might as well make all the tea think as [TS]

  I make a tea and this is really bad but [TS]

  we don't we haven't for a while had like [TS]

  an iced tea [TS]

  would you call it like a we call it [TS]

  pitcher so I just use a blender I'm [TS]

  making the blender that's sad [TS]

  yeah yeah it's real sad what I'll do is [TS]

  I'll so here what I use I make that [TS]

  linton's that really cheap Lipton's iced [TS]

  tea mix mix look you don't tell me you [TS]

  put in a bag or two of that and used up [TS]

  his Finn Taft a liter of boiling water [TS]

  and then you just cover it with ice and [TS]

  you got iced tea so I gotta do well you [TS]

  put the you put the boiling water okay [TS]

  all right I mean you always add an extra [TS]

  step that feels fancy oh thank you thank [TS]

  you yeah it's the little things you know [TS]

  the little things and then drinking it [TS]

  you know then you put it put a put it [TS]

  put a blender in your fridge makes your [TS]

  wife happy to come home and see a black [TS]

  40 but you don't know it's um you don't [TS]

  blend it right you don't you don't use [TS]

  it as a blender function I should have [TS]

  said no no no no it's the picture for [TS]

  the blender device that is water [TS]

  you know resistant what would happen if [TS]

  you blended iced tea just keep itself [TS]

  just with itself [TS]

  you didn't blend it with anything else I [TS]

  have to imagine it would be different [TS]

  just for because of physics yeah I would [TS]

  aerate it it would make you light and [TS]

  fluffy you know me er you get it you get [TS]

  a foamy foamy fluffy or you get like a [TS]

  Vitamix you get one of those really [TS]

  serious ones that you can grind up a [TS]

  celery in yeah mm-hmm well now take the [TS]

  tea put in the boiling water which seems [TS]

  like the fancy step extra fancy put the [TS]

  ice in on the top of it in the blender [TS]

  and then blended the bags right yeah [TS]

  okay you wouldn't want to have the bags [TS]

  and oh wait so you're saying let it [TS]

  steep yeah what I do is this is I'm just [TS]

  following the directions on the cheapo [TS]

  Lipton tea but I think it's Fred forgets [TS]

  if it's one giant bag or two giant bags [TS]

  I [TS]

  in a while yeah yeah you didn't put the [TS]

  Boy Wonder now you got a super strong [TS]

  tea you couldn't lend that and then add [TS]

  the water but I'm guessing just because [TS]

  of the the accretion of molecules that [TS]

  adding ice to basically bring it up [TS]

  you could make a slushy you can make an [TS]

  iced tea slushy an iced tea slushy and [TS]

  drink it out with a little baseball cap [TS]

  like from a 7-eleven but if your iced [TS]

  tea slushy then melted in the in the [TS]

  refrigerator over the course of days [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  turns EMT it's a good thing it's though [TS]

  be indistinguishable from an iced tea [TS]

  made conventionally find out and that's [TS]

  science I'm gonna need to buy it two [TS]

  blenders and I'm gonna do a side-by-side [TS]

  a a longitudinal study two blenders [TS]

  because in order for the study to have a [TS]

  control blender you'd have the normal [TS]

  tea in the blender that you're not using [TS]

  as a blender I mean how would you do it [TS]

  well you could instead of buying another [TS]

  blender you can just buy a picture but [TS]

  isn't that that's not science is it no I [TS]

  wouldn't be you wouldn't have a control [TS]

  cuz then you get leaching you get [TS]

  molecular leaching off the edges of the [TS]

  the other one well and who knows how [TS]

  much like psychic reverberation there is [TS]

  inside a blender yeah I mean I can kind [TS]

  of blender ever really be empty I mean [TS]

  the very if you're an ice cube or a tea [TS]

  bag and you go and you go in a blender [TS]

  okay you've got to be conscious of those [TS]

  blades even if they're not hooked up to [TS]

  the blender treat to every firearm like [TS]

  it's loaded that's exactly it [TS]

  I can't kid to understand that concept [TS]

  like play with a bunch of unloaded [TS]

  firearms and I'm like yeah no I got a [TS]

  wrist rocket that I have to have not put [TS]

  into production yet and she really likes [TS]

  to play with it I'm really trying to [TS]

  persuade her to not play with the wrist [TS]

  rocket she'd like to play with it in the [TS]

  house well it's not loaded but it is if [TS]

  you imagine you may this is a really [TS]

  really nice wrist rocket [TS]

  it's got like surgical tubing and it's [TS]

  got a compound crossbow type component [TS]

  to it and I member serves I think it has [TS]

  a camo grip what is your imagined use [TS]

  for this high-tech wrist [TS]

  I loved wrist rockets as a kid and I was [TS]

  very destructive with them and that was [TS]

  that was something I think actually it [TS]

  was somebody got it for me as a gift off [TS]

  my Amazon list and I had not put it into [TS]

  production yet I'm imagining my daughter [TS]

  will and I will go into the woods and we [TS]

  will bond we're not gonna hide four [TS]

  things because nothing sadder than [TS]

  winning a bird you know it's true [TS]

  did you do it don't don't points this [TS]

  number - don't point it don't point [TS]

  anything in any anyone you know unless [TS]

  you're trying to kill it yeah unless [TS]

  you're gonna send a marble up its ass [TS]

  did you gut did you get good at risk [TS]

  rocket it sounds like you did I get [TS]

  pretty good at rest rocket I I was [TS]

  pretty good those kinds of peasant [TS]

  weapons you get you get the capoeira you [TS]

  get the bo staff you get all the stuff [TS]

  like oh-ho yeah you know the the guy who [TS]

  owns all the land says you're not [TS]

  allowed to learn how to fight so you got [TS]

  to come up with all these like like hey [TS]

  I got a pitchfork or whatever I was good [TS]

  with that I was good at snapping towels [TS]

  I was great in shooting paper clips from [TS]

  rubber bands [TS]

  I could shoot I was really good at [TS]

  shooting McDonald's coffee stirrers with [TS]

  a rubber band [TS]

  pretty much all of the ad hoc child [TS]

  weapons I was pretty good at I could [TS]

  have been on some kind of a Ocean's [TS]

  eleven team I think so like how about [TS]

  spit balls pretty good with spitballs [TS]

  you're talking like with a straw spit [TS]

  balls with a strong spit balls as a [TS]

  weapon any kind of Oh like yeah it's a [TS]

  weapon of annoyance obviously but yeah I [TS]

  mean but like when you're lonely [TS]

  everything is fun so I just sit in the [TS]

  room and just spot on the wall with them [TS]

  can you imagine an Ocean's eleven [TS]

  scenario where there's like the the [TS]

  peasant peasant weapons kid and there's [TS]

  some button all the way across the room [TS]

  and everybody's like how do we get to [TS]

  the button like the alarm or whatever be [TS]

  like it's sharp and it can't be a bullet [TS]

  what do we have that's hard but soft and [TS]

  can be shot from a distance by somebody [TS]

  who's some kind of a genius with [TS]

  accuracy yeah and we couldn't get in [TS]

  here with anything metal because of the [TS]

  metal detectors and then the kid pulls [TS]

  out the straw and it's just like leave [TS]

  it to me his name's Steven he never [TS]

  talks and then does it yeah how about [TS]

  did you did you have the did you make [TS]

  wooden guns with with like paperclip or [TS]

  like [TS]

  go close they write know that girls like [TS]

  a Boy Scout kind of thing right yeah [TS]

  yeah I don't think I ever did you like [TS]

  to set things on fire is that right I [TS]

  was a pyro yeah and I was always trying [TS]

  to I was always trying to use household [TS]

  items to make bombs or napalm yeah and I [TS]

  didn't really you made homemade homemade [TS]

  napalm I did yeah [TS]

  and you know it's not that hard to make [TS]

  there are a lot of different recipes for [TS]

  it it's not safe no I mean it's not [TS]

  napalm isn't gonna spontaneously explode [TS]

  but if it does get on you you're in it's [TS]

  harder to get off that's the that's why [TS]

  yeah so they do it's why they call that [TS]

  napalm mm-hmm look at jelly gasoline is [TS]

  the idea yeah it's like gasoline with [TS]

  any kind of laundry detergent or you [TS]

  know I was making malt off bills all the [TS]

  time and trying to figure out what the [TS]

  best recipe for those was and I know I [TS]

  guess partly it's growing up in a rural [TS]

  or semi-rural area where a kid can go [TS]

  out into the into the acre forested lot [TS]

  in between the two apartment complexes [TS]

  and just start fires all day and yeah [TS]

  nobody ever that was back when nobody [TS]

  ever like went up to a kid and said what [TS]

  are you doing kid it was just like oh [TS]

  yeah I've just over here starting fires [TS]

  and there were adults around they drove [TS]

  by they drove by and could see the [TS]

  bonfires I was great citizens I just [TS]

  picture what it must have looked like me [TS]

  like like stirring a big cauldron of you [TS]

  would be in a special school so freakin [TS]

  fast today yeah I would I mean and who [TS]

  wasn't cool who's the guy who found [TS]

  stuff in your locker was disappointed [TS]

  jackal FIR disappointed by that point in [TS]

  time I was in high school but this is [TS]

  all stuff that I would I've told you [TS]

  before right though being a latchkey kid [TS]

  was its own kind of like joy and also [TS]

  psychic punishment none of my friends [TS]

  were latchkey kids they all came home [TS]

  and their mom [TS]

  was there mm-hmm and she had little [TS]

  sandwiches for them and then there was [TS]

  TV time and disc hits and I got home and [TS]

  at my mom's house you know I carry the [TS]

  key around my neck on a piece of red [TS]

  yarn just a single key [TS]

  my dad didn't lock his house so [TS]

  depending on whose house I went to after [TS]

  school you know I'd go in and then it [TS]

  was like okay entertain yourself for the [TS]

  rest of the day and I would do a lot of [TS]

  things that I imagined were scientific I [TS]

  mean even involved like mixing things [TS]

  together laundry detergents seeing how [TS]

  much stuff I could flush down the toilet [TS]

  did you ever go through a phase like [TS]

  that no I was I I was always toilet [TS]

  reverse did you have did you did you [TS]

  have a like junior science kit no John [TS]

  did and I envied it a little bit but and [TS]

  this was even back in the day when you [TS]

  could make little explosions and stuff I [TS]

  think I I liked again once again I like [TS]

  the beakers and a cam I think with some [TS]

  tweezers and a dropper maybe some [TS]

  reagent whatever that is all the science [TS]

  things that you did you have stuff like [TS]

  that that did that appeal to you [TS]

  the science kit was like the book and [TS]

  and devices that tried to teach you how [TS]

  to do magic mm-hmm [TS]

  I loved people would give me like junior [TS]

  magician kid or junior scientist kit and [TS]

  like you I loved the beakers I loved the [TS]

  little hollow coins and the foam balls [TS]

  and the rings and you put out microfilm [TS]

  in there all that stuff but what I [TS]

  didn't love was reading the instructions [TS]

  and I didn't love going through I think [TS]

  one reason I despised magicians today is [TS]

  because I had such a difficult time [TS]

  trying to make the cup of balls happen [TS]

  it was you know or the coin where you [TS]

  got to do the sleight of hand work and [TS]

  all that kind of stuff you know being a [TS]

  magician is I have always felt like it's [TS]

  an example kind of like being a really [TS]

  good guitar player or really good at [TS]

  anything all of those things require the [TS]

  yeah that weird that weird feeling where [TS]

  you envy someone for what must have been [TS]

  a really boring young life and you envy [TS]

  them their anxiety or whatever it was [TS]

  that that that that drove them to sit [TS]

  and play six hours a day [TS]

  loneliness combined with like obsessive [TS]

  nature and the curiosity combined with [TS]

  the willingness and time frame to be [TS]

  able to practice this for hours and [TS]

  hours and hours until it seemed like a [TS]

  normal thing it's crazy because you look [TS]

  at Ricky Jay there you go this guy I [TS]

  watch him all day I love him so much but [TS]

  to get that good at cards and stay that [TS]

  good at cards you would have to be so [TS]

  different from me mmm-hmm and and and to [TS]

  do it just seems like murder I bet he [TS]

  never thinks about toilet paper the way [TS]

  they make it look in those mini movies [TS]

  I've seen about him is that he just sits [TS]

  in a hotel room and like basically just [TS]

  shuffles cards for six hours a day [TS]

  that's just like it he does yeah which [TS]

  is which is great you know considering [TS]

  like there are a lot of people that sit [TS]

  in a hotel room and just bite their [TS]

  fingernails or or I mean it's it'd be [TS]

  great to have a thing that you swatch [TS]

  was chopped yeah but but as someone who [TS]

  didn't have that kind of patience or [TS]

  makeup and and I think part of it and [TS]

  probably as he's doing it his mind is [TS]

  elsewhere but I I always had what I [TS]

  consider to be the advantage of being [TS]

  able to sit for long periods of time and [TS]

  just stare at a spot on the wall I [TS]

  always thought I always felt like in [TS]

  some ways that was my superpower because [TS]

  I never got bored I could just you could [TS]

  just sit me somewhere and turn my chair [TS]

  facing the corner and I would just drift [TS]

  off into a world of make-believe ding [TS]

  ding said of mr. Rogers reference yeah [TS]

  Lady Elaine and I would stay I would sit [TS]

  in my land of make-believe until [TS]

  something some [TS]

  times someone had to come and actually [TS]

  shake me because from across the room [TS]

  they'd been saying John John and I was [TS]

  just a thousand miles away I used to [TS]

  really worry my dad but my mom was very [TS]

  protective of it I think because her dad [TS]

  was like that mm-hmm so I was just [TS]

  sitting staring out the window and I [TS]

  didn't need couldn't I it was so much [TS]

  more preferable to do that than it would [TS]

  have been to be manipulating cards or [TS]

  reading instruction manuals but but now [TS]

  I see it as kind of like oh that was [TS]

  maybe a disadvantage in that all all [TS]

  that does is train you to well either [TS]

  train you to do that or like it makes [TS]

  your land of make-believe very real to [TS]

  you is it possible that these are [TS]

  different flavors of a young person [TS]

  dealing with young demon dogs we're like [TS]

  you discover like I was not cut out for [TS]

  magic because I don't have the patience [TS]

  or the dexterity or really to be honest [TS]

  the interest but for somebody else like [TS]

  I'm like a Ricky J or like like my [TS]

  friend Jaime like somebody who will just [TS]

  sit there and like every spare moment [TS]

  they'll be like there's a coin in their [TS]

  hand or there's a card in their hand [TS]

  it's it's more like a lifestyle right [TS]

  for you that might be conjuring a [TS]

  fireball or looking at a window or [TS]

  playing World War two again like but I [TS]

  wonder if in some ways like we you find [TS]

  an accommodation for your for your [TS]

  little your your demon puppies I think [TS]

  so I mean you think about kids that [TS]

  suffering from anxiety there are a lot [TS]

  of them and you know rather than sit and [TS]

  fidget with your thumbnail until you [TS]

  don't have a thumbnail anymore if you [TS]

  could put cards in that kid's hand and [TS]

  say like just do the cards I think [TS]

  probably people self-soothe a lot like [TS]

  that and my self-soothing yeah was there [TS]

  was a lot of world war do okay and the [TS]

  fire the burning I'm sure there's been [TS]

  plenty of like science around pyromaniac [TS]

  kids I didn't want to hurt anybody I [TS]

  didn't want to burn out of control fires [TS]

  I loved keeping the fire under control [TS]

  there's a lot [TS]

  I don't think it's just as simple as [TS]

  like oh you're a psycho bed-wetter like [TS]

  calcula kid who sets fires there's like [TS]

  you say they're the element control [TS]

  there's the element of like [TS]

  theatricality there's there's a lot to [TS]

  it I would dig pits [TS]

  I would I would slip down I mean I would [TS]

  go through people I'd find like an open [TS]

  garage and I'd go in there and I would [TS]

  find everything that said flammable on [TS]

  it and I would collect an armload of of [TS]

  different stuff right different kinds of [TS]

  flavors of things and I would go see [TS]

  what how they burned and what happened [TS]

  if you put them together did they burn [TS]

  differently and the colors that they [TS]

  made and I loved aerosol stuff because [TS]

  just give you some right guard and a [TS]

  lighter that's living but I often did it [TS]

  I often would just sit in the house my [TS]

  dad had one of those fireplaces that was [TS]

  you could flick a switch and some fire [TS]

  would come like a gas gasp a gas [TS]

  fireplace but it but you could put logs [TS]

  in it to cool the gas was kind of a fire [TS]

  starter maybe you'd put some logs in [TS]

  turn on the flip the switch and it would [TS]

  start a fire for this episode of [TS]

  Roderick on the line is brought to you [TS]

  by Squarespace to learn more about [TS]

  Squarespace right now by visiting [TS] [TS]

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  Squarespace and announce upcoming events [TS]

  I do this you do so much more [TS]

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  Squarespace for supporting roderick [TS]

  online and all the great shows so good [TS]

  that's a controlled environment you got [TS]

  it you got a pit that you can live with [TS]

  there it was nice I would and I was home [TS]

  alone you know after school and I would [TS]

  sit there sometimes with spray paint [TS]

  which also is a great flame thrower and [TS]

  I would just light the spray paint and [TS]

  just blow it into the fireplace just [TS]

  like and and looking at that now in my [TS]

  imagination it seems a little crazy I [TS]

  think about some I was such a safe unday [TS]

  ngerous non-threatening good kid but I [TS]

  think just just the toilet alone I'm [TS]

  terrified of what could happen to our [TS]

  toilet just because I think about oh [TS]

  please be careful with what you put down [TS]

  the toilet cuz now you know I'm an old [TS]

  man and it's my obligation to think [TS]

  about what we put in the toilet [TS]

  I used to ruin the toilet I put so many [TS]

  things in the toilets just a little to [TS]

  see what will it accommodate a sponge [TS]

  like I would just do that oh wow a [TS]

  sponge minor recoils you put things in [TS]

  there and it just goes away but the nice [TS]

  thing about your dad's gas fire [TS]

  situation is you've already it's got its [TS]

  own little I'm not a crucible but it's [TS]

  AB it's a fire resistant area so you're [TS]

  a safe space but when he came home at [TS]

  night I can't imagine what like residue [TS]

  in terms of smell and other just [TS]

  like the just the poly fluorocarbons in [TS]

  the air chlorofluorocarbons he walks in [TS]

  the door and his sons been been burning [TS]

  gold spray paint in the fireplace all [TS]

  afternoon what does that smell like what [TS]

  is that what are the what are the [TS]

  psychic reverberations in the air of [TS]

  that oh yeah when I come in the house I [TS]

  can tell if my daughter's been doing [TS]

  like nail stuff like it soon as I open [TS]

  the door I'm super sensitive like what [TS]

  is that that benzene we got a link [TS]

  what's going on in here what's what's [TS]

  like 50s dad all of a sudden yeah I you [TS]

  know okay so what's funny is life right [TS]

  if you're just if one were to say to me [TS]

  I know you're not but if one were to say [TS]

  to me did you ever play with matches my [TS]

  mind would instantly like I would do the [TS]

  heads up scan and I would go no I didn't [TS]

  play with matches because you say so [TS]

  many plays with matches it's somebody [TS]

  who goes and sets fires right that's [TS]

  somebody who's eight as they say a [TS]

  pyromaniac in the usual sense I'll tell [TS]

  you though dead honest I didn't [TS]

  generally play with matches I very [TS]

  specifically played with matches if I'm [TS]

  honest I liked taking a match and then [TS]

  taking another match you'd like one [TS]

  match and then you'd like the other [TS]

  match from the first match then you [TS]

  could make a little teepee you can make [TS]

  a little teepee with all the little [TS]

  little fiery parts all together at the [TS]

  top that might be ping pong you like the [TS]

  bottom of the teepee and guess what you [TS]

  get wasn't that sad it's fine when you [TS]

  get up and I say one time at our [TS]

  restaurant I was killing time over the [TS]

  anklet room and the in the side room we [TS]

  used for for catered affairs and yeah I [TS]

  had a big big ball of fire and an [TS]

  ashtray shattered and then everyone came [TS]

  running in yeah maybe maybe you should [TS]

  be a busboy or something cuz this the [TS]

  fire in the restaurant situation this [TS]

  was in a time for our younger listeners [TS]

  there were cigarette machines everywhere [TS]

  everywhere matches matches matches and [TS]

  toothpicks matches in toothpicks [TS]

  everywhere you go all the matches you [TS]

  could ever want all the matches you [TS]

  could want and cigarette machines also [TS]

  often the deluxe ones had a button on [TS]

  them that if you bought a pack of [TS]

  cigarettes and you push the [TS]

  it would also give you a pack of matches [TS]

  like a little fold over paper Jesus that [TS]

  had the logo of the of the bar well huh [TS]

  and most people who bought a pack of [TS]

  cigarettes did not also need a pack of [TS]

  matches because they had fancy lighters [TS]

  from Vietnam and so as a kid who was in [TS]

  and out of bars a lot because of my [TS]

  father and the fact that he didn't have [TS]

  clear boundaries [TS]

  well his work anytime I saw a cigarette [TS]

  machine I would walk over find the [TS]

  button and push it did you find yourself [TS]

  having to kill time in a bar oh I was [TS]

  constantly killing time in bar got to [TS]

  talk about this okay so you get the free [TS]

  matches that somebody left behind yeah [TS]

  go get the free matches I would go you [TS]

  know I've told you before right then I [TS]

  would I'd go grab a barstool and ask the [TS]

  bartender for a shot of whipped cream [TS]

  and you know 80% of the time the [TS]

  bartender and the person sitting next to [TS]

  me on a barstool thought it was great [TS]

  and the bartender bring me a shot of [TS]

  whipped cream and then you know it's [TS]

  kind of like putting peanut butter in a [TS]

  Kong you can't just get whipped cream [TS]

  out of a shot quest that easily that [TS]

  John might be a golden retriever [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  grown-ups thought that was great and [TS]

  then somebody would bring me a basket of [TS]

  peanuts or popcorn and but you know [TS]

  there that was in an era when nobody [TS]

  felt it was their responsibility to mind [TS]

  somebody else's kids so after a while [TS]

  I'd get bored I climbed down off the [TS]

  barstool it's terrible wandering around [TS]

  the bar trying doorknobs yeah oh I'm a [TS]

  big dude I'm still a big doorknob Trier [TS]

  you always try I always try a doorknob [TS]

  goes where it leads it may lead into [TS]

  fuckin area it could be not it could [TS]

  just it's an invitation to mystery and [TS]

  you'll never know you lose every [TS]

  doorknob you don't try I try to get my [TS]

  daughter to understand this I really [TS]

  like woods well the phrase we use for it [TS]

  I call it quote breaking into things so [TS]

  we like to like places with his offense [TS]

  I'm super into crawling under the fence [TS]

  geez now that she's older she doesn't [TS]

  like it she's scared she'll get in [TS]

  trouble I'm still super into breaking [TS]

  into the local high school and trying [TS]

  every door [TS]

  and seeing what room we can get into [TS]

  because somebody's always you think this [TS]

  coach you know those coaches are making [TS]

  they leave so many things unlocked they [TS]

  do there's so many you can get one day [TS]

  we got in under the stands one day we [TS]

  got in with the weightlifting equipment [TS]

  one day we got in where they keep the [TS]

  shot puts oh my god I love a doorknob my [TS]

  eyes I'm in a hotel I'm walking around [TS]

  we state the hotel over Thanksgiving [TS]

  that was brand brand new hotel in [TS]

  Sacramento I tried every doorknob it's [TS]

  amazing how weak the security is on a [TS]

  new hotel fuck yeah you go right into [TS]

  you go right into a hotel room you just [TS]

  walking anywhere in that area where it [TS]

  says no entry that's usually not lock [TS]

  now what the keycard thing it's gotten [TS]

  more complicated but a lot of times they [TS]

  just leave that open and then you see [TS]

  their sheets and they're you going - oh [TS]

  my god there's an elevator here I didn't [TS]

  know about that's good to know [TS]

  now you know there's an elevator there I [TS]

  spent that when keycards first got [TS]

  introduced a friend of mine and I were [TS]

  in a hotel that had brand-new keycard [TS]

  you know locks we were just trying [TS]

  doorknobs door opened it was into a [TS]

  hotel room we went in there and started [TS]

  ordering room service and watching cable [TS]

  TV and they brought us food to the room [TS]

  because I guess the the room service [TS]

  there weren't computers exactly or like [TS]

  not all hooked together now when you [TS]

  pick up the phone they go mr. Roderick [TS]

  in 1:03 floor well how can I help you [TS]

  today but then it was like can we get [TS]

  two pizzas two room you know for 74 and [TS]

  I mean we were definitely like sitting [TS]

  on the edge of the bed waiting like that [TS]

  we were in a state of mild panic the [TS]

  whole time like what are they gonna find [TS]

  us when are we gonna get busted but we [TS]

  never did and eventually we we we [TS]

  worried about the house dick some of the [TS]

  house dick to come get you well but it [TS]

  was like a Sheraton thanks probably but [TS]

  the thing that the thing that I think [TS]

  it's hard to convey is that in the 70s [TS]

  and the early 80s there was a lot of [TS]

  stuff left over from the 50s [TS]

  everywhere because this 80s made the 50s [TS]

  look like this one and you know there [TS]

  hadn't been a tremendous in downtown [TS]

  areas especially there hadn't been a [TS]

  tremendous like urban renewal or [TS]

  revitalization like old buildings were [TS]

  old and if he if you tried enough doors [TS]

  like [TS]

  you would find the civil-defense bomb [TS]

  shelter door and you would find the big [TS]

  bins of old flowers if you just made it [TS]

  into an old storeroom nobody counts [TS]

  what's in the storeroom they just don't [TS]

  want to see it out in the non storeroom [TS]

  area you go in the you know how much [TS]

  shit there could be in a storeroom that [TS]

  you could play with there were things in [TS]

  there that were 40 50 years old he would [TS]

  find like just stuff leaning in the [TS]

  corner even in the early 80s it was [TS]

  still kind of the 50s in a lot of places [TS]

  especially in like places like [TS]

  restaurants and bars it was like a time [TS]

  capsule [TS]

  it really was he'd find you know like [TS]

  you'd go back in some storeroom it's [TS]

  like oh look it's a 48 star flag like [TS]

  they took this flag down in 1950 put it [TS]

  rolled it up and put it in the corner [TS]

  and and there's you know space was cheap [TS]

  so I mean I got a lot of education by [TS]

  just trying doorknobs because you know [TS]

  well like store rooms that had office [TS]

  supplies store rooms that had just mops [TS]

  in buckets but the mops were old mom's [TS]

  like they were think they were hafsat [TS]

  yeah mom said you kind of wanted to be [TS]

  with because they were they felt like [TS]

  like adult stuff like look at these mobs [TS]

  like this is what grown-ups know about [TS]

  mops and files and I mean when when when [TS]

  Watergate was going on I was just old [TS]

  enough to be kind of in the room while [TS]

  the TV was on and it was a lot that's [TS]

  some people I sure was people were [TS]

  talking about it a lot and this idea of [TS]

  these burglars but they weren't like the [TS]

  Pink Panther they weren't there to steal [TS]

  a diamond they like went in and we're [TS]

  going through files files and and the [TS]

  enduring image I saw I saw the movie [TS]

  yeah no probably junior high or high [TS]

  school but the enduring image for me was [TS]

  when the cop rolls up in the in the [TS]

  beginning to the garage not the cop the [TS]

  a security guard notices what would he [TS]

  notice they put the tape the tape on the [TS]

  door tape on the doors like that [TS]

  so fucking smart the number of times [TS]

  I've put tape on a door in emulation of [TS]

  G gordon liddy I can't even tell you and [TS]

  that's you know and I learned sometime [TS]

  after that probably I must have been [TS]

  nine or ten when someone taught me how [TS]

  to jigger a latch with a credit credit [TS]

  card yeah and for a long long time you [TS]

  could get into sixty percent of the [TS]

  doors between I'll tell you buddy I [TS]

  don't even say this I think the times [TS]

  the change is probably safe to say this [TS]

  now something rigid but a little [TS]

  flexible like a credit card and a paper [TS]

  clip almost every house in America every [TS]

  door in every house in America could be [TS]

  unlock with a paper clip paper clip or [TS]

  up or in in in my case it was we had [TS]

  seasons passes for to the ski resort [TS]

  starting when I was seven or eight and [TS]

  there so you didn't have to slide in [TS]

  yeah you had a little laminated card [TS]

  that you could that you carrying around [TS]

  all the time then you could like pop [TS]

  doors and yeah I didn't I never stole [TS]

  anything I mean I never stole anything [TS]

  that seems that seemed like anybody was [TS]

  using it I mean obviously like half half [TS]

  of a cannibal paint and some some paper [TS]

  clips or file folders or whatever empty [TS]

  file folders I would liberate those [TS]

  sometimes in the in the process of a [TS]

  game right if I was like if I'd broken [TS]

  into a storage closet and I was [TS]

  pretending to be the Watergate burglars [TS]

  and I would steal a couple file and then [TS]

  oh I always think about this the other [TS]

  day I was driving downtown and I looked [TS]

  over at a building and it was one of [TS]

  those office buildings from the 1930s [TS]

  that now you kind of don't see them [TS]

  because when you're in a downtown the [TS]

  buildings that are most visible are are [TS]

  all these skyscrapers and everybody [TS]

  trying to you know have like an arcade [TS]

  and the downstairs and and then then [TS]

  they're the the iconic buildings the [TS]

  beautiful ones but in the thirties and [TS]

  forties they built a lot of middle [TS]

  height [TS]

  20-story imposing office buildings [TS]

  but that are and they're made out of [TS]

  stone or brick or you know they're not [TS]

  they're not metal in glass and I was [TS]

  driving past one of these and they have [TS]

  very distinctive vibe and all of a [TS]

  sudden I could just smell it in there I [TS]

  knew those buildings so well because my [TS]

  dad was in government mm-hmm and we were [TS]

  always going into these buildings and [TS]

  you know those buildings are incredible [TS]

  like this the stairwells are all the [TS]

  step the stair steps are marble even [TS]

  even not the formal stairs but like the [TS]

  back stairs the the railings are brass [TS]

  the the doors are solid oak leather [TS]

  there's only restrooms well the quality [TS]

  of restrooms used to be crazy so [TS]

  phenomenal like the the the dividers [TS]

  between stalls were giant slabs of [TS]

  polished marble inna left and you know [TS]

  and that's the sound of of people [TS]

  walking in the halls and those buildings [TS]

  back when every woman was in high heels [TS]

  and every man had leather-soled shoes so [TS]

  you'd stand in those places and [TS]

  government buildings and just hear this [TS]

  like clack clack clack everybody knew [TS]

  that serious adult business was getting [TS]

  done yeah people were snapping their [TS]

  their their shoes I remember when I [TS]

  first had a pair of shoes that that like [TS]

  made that slap slap slap sound on marble [TS]

  I didn't talk talk talk with like a hard [TS]

  heel yeah I felt so adult I bought a [TS]

  pair of shoes like that claw with Tom [TS]

  Waits shoes I bought those at a goodwill [TS]

  probably 1985 and boy I felt very [TS]

  decisive yeah yeah [TS]

  do you ever was when somebody addresses [TS]

  you do you ever click your heels oh I [TS]

  would I should I should do that it is [TS]

  that kind of an Austrian thing that's [TS]

  Christoph Waltz kind of young to do yeah [TS]

  I could see you doing that I got in the [TS]

  habit of clicking my heels sometimes [TS]

  when when someone addressed me with like [TS]

  hey can you help me over here you know [TS]

  like when when there was an air of [TS]

  authority or finality to what somebody [TS]

  was saying I would kind of like if the [TS]

  if the expected reply for me was yes or [TS]

  at your service brass or something if [TS]

  I'm holding a door for somebody to huh [TS]

  and click by here it's not it's not a [TS]

  thing that people do anymore and I feel [TS]

  like it has a little it's a it there's a [TS]

  militaristic aspect to it there's a [TS]

  there's a long arc of history that bends [TS]

  toward you eventually being called [TS]

  Commodore I think you're not far off [TS]

  from just wearing a captain's hat all [TS]

  the time thing about a Commodore you [TS]

  know that's um zen l ron hubbard well [TS]

  it's a kind of weird rank I'm looking at [TS]

  because it's because it's not a rank [TS]

  it's a it's an office oh look at that [TS]

  the president ok says a naval officer of [TS]

  high rank in particular an officer in [TS]

  the u.s. Navy or Coast Guard ranking [TS]

  above captain and below Rear Admiral [TS]

  the president also bullet one the [TS]

  president of a yacht club or the senior [TS]

  captain of a shipping line a whole Wow [TS]

  dress for the job you want John so even [TS]

  in the Navy senior captain of a ship how [TS]

  fun for you to be the senior captain of [TS]

  a shipping line well I think that's what [TS]

  what the Hazelwood was or like the [TS]

  senior captain of a shipping line but [TS]

  you've got to be good at the sea oh you [TS]

  can probably get pretty good at the sea [TS]

  I feel like getting good at the sea is [TS]

  like getting good at card so you have to [TS]

  have been getting good at the sea girl [TS]

  you're getting the right kind of lonely [TS]

  with the right timing but you've been on [TS]

  a lot of cruises yeah but I don't think [TS]

  that has anything to do with getting [TS]

  good at the sea I mean I I love to sit [TS]

  and look at the sea but when I get close [TS]

  to the sea the sea you know the sea like [TS]

  has a very low hum yeah the sea is oh [TS]

  the sea is see stuff it's a that's a [TS]

  that's a tough opponent it is it is the [TS]

  sea the sea sea not care know about you [TS]

  they try you throw throw a gallon of [TS]

  water at somebody really hard it kind of [TS]

  hurts and that's just one gallon right [TS]

  you know I'm saying think about think [TS]

  about how many gallons are in the seat [TS]

  like 100 it's gotta be at least 60 or 80 [TS]

  there's so many gallons in there so [TS]

  let's see Commodore I like Commodore [TS]

  also because Commodore extract Smee is [TS]

  the kind of thing we're like you know [TS]

  you can get like a [TS]

  what is it when they give you an [TS]

  honorary Doctorate Commodore seemed like [TS]

  a rank that somebody could convey on you [TS]

  it's exactly right it's exactly right I [TS]

  mean are you familiar with the Kentucky [TS]

  Colonels yes I've known some Kentucky [TS]

  Colonels have you mm-hmm I don't know [TS]

  what tone about it but yeah I mean might [TS]

  we're from Cincinnati the part of [TS]

  Cincinnati that's basically Kentucky [TS]

  yeah yeah absolutely [TS]

  oh my dad knew a lot of Kentucky [TS]

  Colonels I know what's the process for [TS]

  that that's an honorary thing done as [TS]

  far as I understand you have to have [TS]

  done some measurable service to the [TS]

  state of Kentucky you probably have to [TS]

  be in Kiwanis or similar well Jason [TS]

  Isbell the singer/guitarist is a [TS]

  Kentucky Colonel and he said that he [TS]

  would recommend me as a Kentucky Colonel [TS]

  because my people are from Kentucky but [TS]

  I do not feel like I have really done [TS]

  that much in the service of the state of [TS]

  Kentucky and so it would feel like a [TS]

  Pyrrhic honor I don't think I would wear [TS]

  context like you would ring hollow but [TS]

  this is the thing I don't want to I [TS]

  don't want like like false honor no yeah [TS]

  I steel valor no and and and I don't [TS]

  want like I don't want a bunch of [TS]

  appendages you don't need another white [TS]

  ribbon no thank you [TS]

  if I'm sorry this is the thing about [TS]

  about King Neptune they can never take [TS]

  that away from me to try dad oh yeah of [TS]

  course that's right that's right you [TS]

  mm-hmm I'm not gonna show up to things [TS]

  in a sash but I do have a lapel pin [TS]

  that's just I have a lapel pin that says [TS]

  I was a King Neptune and a couple of [TS]

  times during my King Neptune reign this [TS]

  past summer like little old man would [TS]

  you know kind of toddle up to me with [TS]

  their ear horn and and they would say I [TS]

  was King Neptune in 1961 and we would [TS]

  have this like wonderful little bonding [TS]

  moment because you realize like oh well [TS]

  for you to have been King Neptune in [TS]

  1961 you must have been like a prominent [TS]

  citizen oh well I was you know oh I [TS]

  would never say that but anyway and you [TS]

  know of course they were sure [TS]

  and it was a nice little thing so I mean [TS]

  I'm there's some future King Neptune - [TS]

  King Neptune of 2060 is gonna get in [TS]

  here are you expected to be grooming [TS]

  that person should you be out there [TS]

  seeking out the next Neptune is that [TS]

  part of your is that part of your duty [TS]

  as a king I had this conversation last [TS]

  night I went to dinner with Peter sagal [TS]

  America's Sweetheart Peter sagal and as [TS]

  the wait wait don't tell me program [TS]

  that's correct they're on tour and so [TS]

  you know when people come through on [TS]

  tour of course I'm I'll go have dinner [TS]

  with them Feuer was like Paula [TS]

  Poundstone Mo Rocca anybody else come [TS]

  along none of those people know but but [TS]

  my - but Curtis didn't come Bill Curtis [TS]

  was not there I think all those guys [TS]

  have sex abuse accusations and with with [TS]

  Ken Jennings my little pal that's right [TS]

  from your new program millennium program [TS]

  your new programs there's another show [TS]

  chuckle omnibus there it is oh and you [TS]

  remember that as being an old show for [TS]

  CBS show oh god yes yeah I love my [TS]

  podcast goes the other day they had [TS]

  heard a podcast about Martha Mitchell [TS]

  and they said oh you know Martha [TS]

  Mitchell and I was like shit do I know [TS]

  about Martha Mitchell you're adorable [TS]

  when you when you say one of your other [TS]

  podcast host I know these people named [TS]

  who can make you can name them by name [TS]

  Tom it's unseemly John don't do that so [TS]

  you went to dinner with Peter sagal [TS]

  who's in the clear so far I was [TS]

  explaining oh that's right barely I was [TS]

  explaining a King Neptune and then the [TS]

  question came up do I have a hand in [TS]

  picking the next Neptune and I thought [TS]

  about it it hadn't occurred to me right [TS]

  it had not occurred to me that that [TS]

  would be some that would be some [TS]

  authority that I should wheel because [TS]

  toward the end of the summer some of the [TS]

  people from Seafarer started sideling up [TS]

  to me and saying we've never done this [TS]

  before but would you be willing to be [TS]

  Neptune again next year well you don't [TS]

  get termed out well you do that's the [TS]

  thing they've never done that before [TS]

  there's never been a King Neptune two [TS]

  years ago so you're like the Franklin D [TS]

  Roosevelt of Neptune's the first King [TS]

  Neptune - ever [TS]

  well I don't know maybe they say that [TS]

  every year and then when it comes time [TS]

  sure a little bit oh you're so good [TS]

  maybe you should do this next year and [TS]

  then you never hear about that again I [TS]

  get that a lot but but I did figure I [TS]

  did get a little I was flattered by that [TS]

  and I would do it again and so I I think [TS]

  that probably clouded my my my sense of [TS]

  duty what I should do I should be the [TS]

  George Washington of King Neptune you [TS]

  hold you hold the country together by [TS]

  not continuing in the job that's right [TS]

  they ask you to be President for life [TS]

  and you say that's not how democracy [TS]

  works and then you'll retire to teach [TS]

  them how to say goodbye [TS]

  so I do feel like I'm gonna I'm gonna [TS]

  start thinking about who the next King [TS]

  Neptune should be and start a kind it's [TS]

  clear to me that if you lead they will [TS]

  follow by which I mean if you get out in [TS]

  front of this and you start you make [TS]

  this the new Kentucky kernel maybe [TS]

  you're out there and like I say grooming [TS]

  well that's the word with this [TS]

  problematic word but you you you get out [TS]

  there and you figure out you try to find [TS]

  some new talent for this some new [TS]

  Neptune material well there's a Neptune [TS]

  yet well there is a there's a Queen [TS]

  Alfea on yeah but I mean has there been [TS]

  a King Neptune that's a woman you could [TS]

  really you could really just try the [TS]

  patriarchy with this you could destroy [TS]

  the patriarchy there was for many many [TS]

  years within the Seafarer organization [TS]

  there was a King Neptune [TS]

  and then there was a Miss Seafarer and [TS]

  King Neptune was some Rotary Club doofus [TS]

  like myself and Miss Seafarer was a [TS]

  glamour it was a glamour position like a [TS]

  like a Miss Mary did she have any point [TS]

  did miss miss affair which really sell [TS]

  the Scientology to me did Missy fair at [TS]

  any point ever appear in a bathing suit [TS]

  no I don't think so I think it was a [TS]

  ball gown style pageant okay but she did [TS]

  have like her attendant princesses hmm [TS]

  so she had a whole Court of people and [TS]

  then the king and they they appeared [TS]

  together but it wasn't like [TS]

  we're always sitting next to each other [TS]

  miss Seafarer was off doing these things [TS]

  the King was off doing these things like [TS]

  the King was drinking Boilermakers [TS]

  somewhere with a bunch of cigar chompers [TS]

  and Missy bear was doing a charity work [TS]

  for the blind okay okay that's nice and [TS]

  then at a certain point in the 80s I'm [TS]

  gonna say they introduced Queen Elsie on [TS]

  who was like separate from Missy fair [TS]

  and it freed Missy Fair up to become [TS]

  kind of like a it's like a scholarship [TS]

  position whoever Missy Fair is there [TS]

  still a pageant aspect to it she still [TS]

  has her her attendants but they're very [TS]

  they're very directed at at charity work [TS]

  they're there they work with young girls [TS]

  they're you know it's there's a lot of [TS]

  the work in the community and typically [TS]

  miss Seafarer at least in recent years [TS]

  has been from one of Seattle's immigrant [TS]

  communities oh that's cool [TS]

  yeah and often am I being weird that's [TS]

  kind of a cool thing to do it's often [TS]

  Asian Pacific island communities I [TS]

  approve of that that seems kind of like [TS]

  a cool thing to do it's great and what [TS]

  it means is that this year miss [TS]

  seafarers from the Philippines next year [TS]

  miss seafarers from Samoa [TS]

  and so so forth and so on so it like it [TS]

  really brings it it sort of illuminates [TS]

  Seattle's diversity and connection to [TS]

  the Pacific Rim and so forth and then [TS]

  Queen Elsie on is a businesswoman [TS]

  somebody that is prominent in the [TS]

  community the expectation you know is [TS]

  that you know she's prominent in the [TS]

  same way that King Neptune is and the [TS]

  two of them are expected to be sort of [TS]

  yeah right Chamber of Commerce types [TS]

  business booster or types yeah until me [TS]

  the the closest thing that Seattle had [TS]

  to a hipster King Neptune [TS]

  was tom skerritt tom skerritt was king [TS]

  neptune Skerritt was it was he Trapper [TS]

  John he was Trapper John and mash okay [TS]

  he was he was in he was in Top Gun Tom [TS]

  Skerritt oh how I do the danger zone [TS]

  yeah Tom Skerritt is you know Seattle's [TS]

  yes yeah everybody loves Tom Skerritt [TS]

  he's not problematic is he he's not tom [TS]

  skerritt is and I don't think I'm giving [TS]

  away too much here tom skerritt is [TS]

  pro-marijuana he likes the marijuana and [TS]

  has four years old yeah holy shit always [TS]

  stoned like probably really so he's so [TS]

  delightful to have around [TS]

  because he's very got a beautiful face [TS]

  he's very charming [TS]

  that's very amiable he's so amiable he's [TS]

  so wonderful he was in the up in smoke [TS]

  movie with Cheech and Chong he's had [TS]

  quite a career tom skerritt and he's got [TS]

  a he's got a nice little drawl he's just [TS]

  very juicy and Harold and Maude up in [TS]

  smoke oh he's an ice castles oh of [TS]

  course he was if he was an alien he was [TS]

  Dallas an alien naturally known from and [TS]

  so good in that he was also King Neptune [TS]

  really a kind of career capper so you [TS]

  feel like he was the first hipster King [TS]

  Neptune yeah but he's also like he's and [TS]

  he's an actor he's a Hollywood star I [TS]

  mean he's uh it's the type of thing that [TS]

  the people at sea fair would say here's [TS]

  a good idea and you know we have a [TS]

  Hollywood person that we can ask I'm [TS]

  kind of the first one that's just like [TS]

  yeah like whatever however you would use [TS]

  the term hipster to denigrate someone [TS]

  that's being basically his pants are [TS]

  pretty tight tom skerritt pretty tight [TS]

  pants yeah you know he's 50 years old [TS]

  but he still cuffs his jeans good [TS]

  looking good nice cuff hehe he lives in [TS]

  Lake Washington in suburban Seattle he [TS]

  lives in Lake Washington yes [TS]

  it's true I feel like now that now that [TS]

  it's happened for them to pick their [TS]

  next King Neptune out of just that you [TS]

  know whatever that burbling cauldron of [TS]

  local dimwits that you know that are [TS]

  like weather men and and Restaurant [TS]

  tours [TS]

  I feel like fans it's only the Lumineers [TS]

  [Applause] [TS]

  ukulele ukulele I've got to figure out [TS]

  who exactly is right for the job because [TS]

  they have to care about Seattle they [TS]

  have to be since might find yourself [TS]

  into this this you could help define [TS]

  this for the next generation I think [TS]

  that 20 years from now it's gonna be [TS]

  Macklemore like it's the type of things [TS]

  that he will graduate into one day cuz [TS]

  he loves here anyway [TS]

  I'm gonna think about this I'm gonna I'm [TS]

  gonna I'm gonna point myself part of [TS]

  this search see we can do and they say [TS]

  we fall or get out of the way you're the [TS]

  fucking king man fuckin a I'm looking at [TS]

  the page this is that KY kernels that's [TS]

  unfortunate [TS]

  KY kernels org I sent this to you [TS]

  accidentally twice famous Kentucky [TS]

  Colonels I don't wanna go through all of [TS]

  these Walt Disney John Depp you get Mae [TS]

  West Betty White Zakk Wylde [TS]

  the fiddly guitar guy I know him well [TS]

  Dwight Yoakam but you know what's kind [TS]

  of strange about this under why this [TS]

  bothers me so much Pete Peter kinder the [TS]

  lieutenant governor of Missouri many [TS]

  people who are President and you notice [TS]

  here though for each person who is [TS]

  president they always see former US [TS]

  president you're never a former [TS]

  president that's like a Marine Henry [TS]

  Cuellar I hope I'm pronouncing that [TS]

  correctly [TS]

  it says you're never a president it says [TS]

  US Representative of Texas now John a [TS]

  scooper they do say former US [TS]

  Representative I don't think you should [TS]

  refer to people as a former president I [TS]

  think you say they were a US president [TS]

  so Lee Majors it doesn't say former key [TS]

  the actor right you know something [TS]

  that's true of him right did he pee past [TS]

  didn't he did I think I wouldn't gonna [TS]

  say former in that sense I was gonna say [TS]

  like what is Lee Majors done lately yeah [TS]

  that's true Colonel Colonel Harland [TS]

  Sanders he's referred to here as a [TS]

  businessman but like a former president [TS]

  if someone says President George Bush [TS]

  you had better know that he's not [TS]

  president anymore [TS]

  right a former is is superfluous well I [TS]

  think when you do one of those events [TS]

  where you get three four or five it's [TS]

  like it's like a doctor whose situation [TS]

  when you get three four or five of them [TS]

  together in a room I think then you [TS]

  could refer to them as the former [TS]

  presidents I might be doing a Robert [TS]

  Smigel joke at this point I don't mean [TS]

  to but I think I think former presidents [TS]

  is useful to say that however many is I [TS]

  think it's the group the longest largest [TS]

  number current the current number of [TS]

  living presidents is the greatest in [TS]

  history I believe yeah I think it's true [TS]

  you got Carter HW Clinton W know what [TS]

  I'm missing anybody it's at least I [TS]

  would know that's it for Ford is gone [TS]

  Reagan's Khan Nixon's gone yeah so [TS]

  Carter is Carter is the oldest and then [TS]

  oh wait a minute [TS]

  Carter and George Herbert Walker Bush [TS]

  they're contemporary are very similar in [TS]

  age we both in the Navy in World War two [TS]

  I believe yeah and maybe Herbert Walker [TS]

  is actually older than then Jimmy Carter [TS]

  I'm not sure those videos Jimmy Carter [TS]

  just walking around doing stuff he's [TS]

  really something isn't he you see him on [TS]

  the plane you see that [TS]

  I didn't see a video of him on a plane [TS]

  Jimmy Carter fucking love this guy Jimmy [TS]

  Carter [TS]

  these guys have gotta be 90 Jimmy Carter [TS]

  just walking down first of all to have [TS]

  the presence of mind to walk through [TS]

  coach he's got a very low-key Secret [TS]

  Service person with him literally [TS]

  walking through coach and shaking the [TS]

  hand in the seat of any person who wants [TS]

  to shake his hand and you know who was [TS]

  to shake Jimmy Carter's hand [TS]

  fucking everybody dance where everybody [TS]

  is thrilled this sweet gentle kind old [TS]

  man with a fucking bullet [TS]

  is spending taking his time he could go [TS]

  be sitting in first class you know [TS]

  probably having a beverage he's walking [TS]

  through a coach smiling broad smile [TS]

  shaking hands and a kind word to every [TS]

  person who wants to greet him [TS]

  that's graciousness that is a gracious [TS]

  man so he's always had a lot of class [TS]

  will you be like that as king will you [TS]

  keep that in mind how important it is [TS]

  first of all obviously to reach out to [TS]

  young people and to groom them but also [TS]

  how important it is that you be out [TS]

  there putting a good face on on the the [TS]

  Neptune Kingdom let me just throw this [TS]

  out there Jimmy Carter was born October [TS]

  1st of 1924 and George Herbert Walker [TS]

  Bush was born in June of 1924 so they're [TS]

  three months apart in age I'll be damned [TS]

  or four months and HW was a head of CIA [TS]

  under what probably forward under under [TS]

  Nixon wasn't it's in okay all right [TS]

  let's make sure of that George HW [TS]

  pushing there wasn't the ambassador to [TS]

  China I want to say let's see here [TS]

  looking on the Internet science site for [TS]

  George HW Bush internet science okay so [TS]

  under Ford 76 okay it was that late [TS]

  the second chief of the 4090 Republican [TS]

  National Committee second chief of the [TS]

  US liaison office to the People's [TS]

  Republic of China [TS]

  that's 74 to 7,500 Ford the United [TS]

  States the tenth United States [TS]

  ambassador to the United Nations under [TS]

  President Richard Nixon George Herbert [TS]

  Walker Bush yes he was the so he was the [TS]

  tenth United States ambassador to the [TS]

  United Nations from March of 1971 to [TS]

  January of 1973 isn't that wonderful [TS]

  mm-hmm you know he and my uncle Jack [TS]

  were in college together yeah no kidding [TS]

  uncle Jack yeah uncle Jack and he went [TS]

  to school together and and were [TS]

  contemporaries and knew each other [TS]

  uncle jack yeah I've ever told about the [TS]

  time that Uncle Jack was tapped for [TS]

  going bones I don't care tell me again [TS]

  no no no I don't care in the sense that [TS]

  I don't care how many times you hook [TS]

  told the story I would like to hear it [TS]

  again please [TS]

  I love any story you have that includes [TS]

  an uncle yeah [TS]

  Uncle Jack was a football star and in [TS]

  the Navy he was a football star here at [TS]

  Seattle's Broadway high school and then [TS]

  he joined the Navy toward the end of the [TS]

  war and he was down it in Olathe Kansas [TS]

  getting his flight training and he was [TS]

  playing on [TS]

  playing on [TS]

  some intramural football team and it was [TS]

  very much like the plot of the movie [TS]

  mash some flight instructor some you [TS]

  know major in the Navy saw him running [TS]

  in touchdowns on this on this field and [TS]

  said we've got to get you we've got to [TS]

  transfer you to this other unit because [TS]

  we've got a very competitive football [TS]

  team over there [TS]

  little by little he got in front of [TS]

  somebody who said after the war we'd [TS]

  like to help you use the GI Bill to go [TS]

  to Yale because we are Yale alumnus [TS]

  alumni and we're trying to you know and [TS]

  we want we want Yale to beat Harvard in [TS]

  the big football game and so uncle Jack [TS]

  ended up at Yale on the GI Bill after [TS]

  the war as their star end and during [TS]

  that immediate after the war period he [TS]

  was he was a big shot there and his [TS]

  there there there's a copy of the New [TS]

  York Times with the big headline like [TS]

  top of the fold [TS]

  you know Yale beats Harvard or whatever [TS]

  and big picture of my uncle running in [TS]

  the the winning touchdown he was an [TS]

  all-american damn and and so was BMOC [TS]

  there during that period mm-hmm and so [TS]

  and this was the period immediately [TS]

  after the war where all these guys that [TS]

  had fought in the Navy were coming back [TS]

  to college so like George Herbert Walker [TS]

  poppy was a Navy pilot also and and [TS]

  actually like a war hero [TS]

  and they were all returning returning to [TS]

  college so they weren't a bunch eighteen [TS]

  year olds right they were twenty four [TS]

  year olds and some of them had had had [TS]

  some hard times out there and but [TS]

  they're back in college now and they're [TS]

  just like you know college men mm-hmm so [TS]

  my uncles take on it as [TS]

  Seattle ight and as a a northwestern er [TS]

  from a time when the Northwest was still [TS]

  pretty isolated from the rest of the [TS]

  country in the world and also because he [TS]

  was a roderick he had what you could [TS]

  describe as a very strong reverse [TS]

  snobbery against institutions and [TS]

  institutional wealth and what even then [TS]

  would have been called privilege and so [TS]

  he kept this chip on his shoulder this [TS]

  sort of flannel and cedar chip on his [TS]

  shoulder whenever he encountered any [TS]

  kind of East Coast money or East Coast [TS]

  attitude which of course then there was [TS]

  a lot of so poppy as he calls him was an [TS]

  example of this sort of very blue blood [TS]

  East Coast's mane you know how summer [TS]

  house in Maine kind of elitism and he [TS]

  George Bush was dating his wife whose [TS]

  name I was just on the tip of my tongue [TS]

  Barbara uh-huh yeah uh-huh he was dating [TS]

  Barbara Bush even then and I think they [TS]

  married at Yale and had George Walker [TS]

  Bush at Yale because they were this was [TS]

  you know they were college people which [TS]

  was which meant full grown people mm-hmm [TS]

  but anyway so the night of the big the [TS]

  night where all of the secret societies [TS]

  all tapped their new members I think [TS]

  you're out on the quad or something and [TS]

  there's torchlight I mean it's all the [TS]

  old the old scary rituals that date back [TS]

  to Egypt [TS]

  Uncle Jack felt a tap on his shoulder [TS]

  and a and a whisper in his ear [TS]

  skullenbones yes he got the tap you got [TS]

  the tap for skullenbones yes or no and [TS]

  Jack said no [TS]

  like because skullenbones was elitist oh [TS]

  my goodness and he was a man of the [TS]

  people he was a lumberjack from out west [TS]

  he was a man of the people now he and I [TS]

  have talked about this 100 thousand [TS]

  million times and even back in the 80s [TS]

  when when men of his age were not at all [TS]

  self reflective and he was not at all [TS]

  self reflective my father was not they [TS]

  did not engage [TS]

  they did not indulge themselves in a lot [TS]

  of where did I go wrong [TS]

  yeah what could have done better but I [TS]

  said to be more vulnerable yeah exactly [TS]

  what if I had talked to people more [TS]

  nicely I wish I'd listened more I said [TS]

  to him of course like oh my god like [TS]

  that's dumb did you do you regret it and [TS]

  he said yes very much I was an idiot I [TS]

  should have joined Skull and Bones are [TS]

  you kidding me everything was no [TS]

  different I was like oh fuck mm-hmm come [TS]

  I was wondering I was also wondering if [TS]

  like when you get the tapping you say no [TS]

  is it kind of like a mafia type [TS]

  situation where now you know now it's [TS]

  you're not only not in but now you're [TS]

  out like you're way out like you're [TS]

  gonna you're gonna have some problems [TS]

  now I can't imagine that they get a lot [TS]

  of nose mm-hmm now maybe they did before [TS]

  I'm sure there are still reverse snobs [TS]

  I'm sure there are still people who are [TS]

  like I'm too good for skull and bones [TS]

  but I bet you they make a short list I [TS]

  don't I don't think that they go out and [TS]

  say let's get 500 names and and we'll [TS]

  pick the first 15 mm-hmm but it's a [TS]

  small list and and and probably was then [TS]

  too but you know that you never see a [TS]

  Roderick coming am i right you guys are [TS]

  slippery get your own thing going on [TS]

  really got your own thing going on [TS]

  Oh infuriating and the thing is you know [TS]

  that butterfly flaps its wings problem [TS]

  spooky action at a distance sure [TS]

  everything lines up this moment pointing [TS]

  to Germany cue man they're so used to [TS]

  everybody begging to get in right and [TS]

  say no no first of all no [TS]

  also there's a tap if there if so if [TS]

  this were you there'd be a tap you get [TS]

  into tap but then on top of it you they [TS]

  probably vetted they vetted your uncle [TS]

  they've they've gone through all the [TS]

  steps they've they even might feel like [TS]

  oh we're pretty sure he's gonna say yes [TS]

  cuz obviously the man's not an idiot he [TS]

  knows this is gonna change his game [TS]

  right well thank you know and and and he [TS]

  was like the contextualizing the [TS]

  important context is that he was a huge [TS]

  star he was not just a star at Yale but [TS]

  he was like a national star he was one [TS]

  of these college football guys that was [TS]

  that rose up to the point that people in [TS]

  the country knew him by name because he [TS]

  was that he was the guy from Yale they [TS]

  kept scoring touchdowns and so he had I [TS]

  think at that moment a feeling of a [TS]

  feeling that he was too good for [TS]

  skullenbones mm-hmm Wow and it was [TS]

  during a time when the idea of being a [TS]

  student athlete had much more of a kind [TS]

  of Greek associations like being a [TS]

  soldier scholar yeah right I mean the [TS]

  idea you come back from the worn you get [TS]

  the GI Bill right somewhat kind of thing [TS]

  like that was a - it that mattered [TS]

  student it was didn't scholar it was and [TS]

  he so he didn't feel like he was just [TS]

  there on a football scholarship [TS]

  he felt like I mean I think there was a [TS]

  part of him that felt pretty justified [TS]

  in in his feeling that he wasn't here [TS]

  because of old money he wasn't here [TS]

  because of who his dad was he had earned [TS]

  this place okay by virtue of being an [TS]

  athlete and what if you talk to him now [TS]

  and he is self-reflective now after [TS]

  being forced to become self-reflective [TS]

  by his daughters he will say that he [TS]

  felt very insecure they're coming from [TS]

  the north west everybody was friends [TS]

  everybody there knew what the rules were [TS]

  they they did have money they did they [TS]

  they had the that etiquette they had [TS]

  class they had connections and he was a [TS]

  hayseed or worse he wasn't a hayseed [TS]

  they we didn't even have Hey [TS]

  out here hmm you know he smoked like [TS]

  pines and owl poop so he was insecure [TS]

  and and he says like part of that [TS]

  attitude part of saying no to them was [TS]

  because I was totally insecure and [TS]

  didn't feel like I would if I got in [TS]

  there I would just be a rube [TS]

  right but I can't know because of course [TS]

  this is lo long time before I was born [TS]

  before my dad and my mom even met is [TS]

  there a world in which uncle Jack could [TS]

  have been in skullenbones and also that [TS]

  not affect the timeline where my dad [TS]

  meets my mom and I I see yep yep because [TS]

  I think if Jack was in Skull and Bones [TS]

  then when Jack graduated he wouldn't [TS]

  have gone out to Alaska and gotten into [TS]

  the oil business I think he probably [TS]

  would have gone into the CIA or some [TS]

  other kind of thing gone to work on to [TS]

  run General Motors and my dad would not [TS]

  have let that little thing not affect [TS]

  the course of his life as well so it may [TS]

  be that you know that the polaroid [TS]

  picture of me starts to fade it's been [TS]

  stored in a certain kind of timeline [TS]

  what if for the sake of argument uncle [TS]

  Jack had accepted the tap realized it [TS]

  was wrong that it would lead to all [TS]

  kinds of problems which it did in this [TS]

  one timeline and he went back and [TS]

  changed it what if you're looking at a [TS]

  timeline runkle Jack definitely made the [TS]

  right decision you know saying mm-hmm [TS]

  all right all right people are always [TS]

  saying you know you think about well you [TS]

  know what you do in time travel [TS]

  be careful butterflies wings yeah who's [TS]

  to say that the time travel wasn't [TS]

  available or will be available at some [TS]

  point and Uncle Jack goes back and fixes [TS]

  everything there's so much that could [TS]

  have been different if Uncle Jack had [TS]

  been in the CIA through the 50s he would [TS]

  work at a point would have worked for [TS]

  fellow veteran George HW Bush he would [TS]

  have entirely been a Commodore by that [TS]

  point problem he might have been George [TS]

  Herbert Walker Bush shit maybe maybe [TS]

  Bush wasn't the director of [TS]

  CIA under Ford maybe it was Uncle Jack [TS]

  it's a Dibble ganger I like it did a [TS]

  face off or something maybe a little bit [TS]

  of a face off I I wonder if I wonder it [TS]

  you know these days on the internet [TS]

  don't find things I wonder I've never [TS]

  gone and looked at Uncle Jack's Yale [TS]

  career but I'm sure some intrepid person [TS]

  will know no don't do that [TS]

  let's not dredge up the past I'll talk [TS]

  about time travel all right good [TS]

  I think there's something to be said [TS]

  though well first of all in the one hand [TS]

  yeah there is this certain thing if you [TS]

  figure you got a guy here a little bit [TS]

  you know seed without the hey he's come [TS]

  up he's been and you know it served he's [TS]

  done adult things and that might have [TS]

  been a great honor of his life to say [TS]

  fuck you to skullenbones well time [TS]

  frettin this is the thing for both my [TS]

  dad and my uncle which is that they made [TS]

  a lot of decisions like that both of [TS]

  them did a lot of like go fuck yourself [TS]

  and later in life they did both reflects [TS]

  on it and say well I fucked up there and [TS]

  in the case of my dad I you know I would [TS]

  grab him by the shirt and say like no no [TS]

  everything you did was consistent with [TS]

  them with a plan with a worldview like [TS]

  you didn't fuck up that was just what [TS]

  you did this is Wow that was part of [TS]

  what made you and I think my uncle is [TS]

  much more sanguine about that than my [TS]

  dad ever was I think my uncle Jack does [TS]

  believe that and he's like yeah well [TS]

  what kind of what can you say like will [TS]

  and this guy keeps on turn [TS]

  whereas my dad my dad didn't a hundred [TS]

  percent reconcile himself to the idea [TS]

  that there's no such thing as a mistake [TS]

  and I think part of it is that sometime [TS]

  in the 1950s my uncle went down in his [TS]

  little Piper Cub and hammered some [TS]

  stakes in the ground in the Kenai [TS]

  Peninsula and went and filed with the [TS]

  with the state surveying board that he [TS]

  was claiming [TS]

  this he was claiming the oil rights to [TS]

  this hundred acres on the Kenai and it [TS]

  was a hundred acres that we're all was [TS]

  discovered when did he do this in the [TS]

  50s in the 50s there was a time that [TS]

  there was a kind of gold rush of oil [TS]

  okay yeah just like staking a claim for [TS]

  a gold claim you could just go down you [TS]

  they had all the land you claim the land [TS]

  and improve it and that's here no no no [TS]

  no you just claim you just made the [TS]

  claim like the land was divided up into [TS]

  grids and you could kind of go down [TS]

  there and you could speculate based on [TS]

  the geology like huh I think this looks [TS]

  like there might be oil under here and [TS]

  this looks like better whatever that and [TS]

  every citizen had as much a right to do [TS]

  it as a company because it wasn't a [TS]

  bidding process it was just on first [TS]

  surf yeah you just go file a claim it [TS]

  costs $15 to process the paperwork Wow [TS]

  it was a little more complicated than [TS]

  that yeah um but so he got some he [TS]

  claimed some he had some oil claims well [TS]

  he wrote a book about this called crude [TS]

  dreams crude dreams by Jack Roderick [TS]

  you're kidding because Uncle Jack was [TS]

  front and center for the big oil rush in [TS]

  Alaska of the 50s and 60s and when they [TS]

  discovered oil on the North Slope at [TS]

  Prudhoe Bay there was a real tussle [TS]

  within the state [TS]

  that the oil claims for that property be [TS]

  apportioned out by this same process [TS]

  file a claim file um you know pay your [TS]

  $500 fee and everybody gets their shot [TS]

  assam which would have produced multiple [TS]

  billionaires of just regular Alaskan [TS]

  mainly the fairly small not Al and [TS]

  because there's so much oil up there I [TS]

  mean like when when I was living in [TS]

  in the 1980s they passed 1 billion [TS]

  barrels of oil I don't know how many [TS]

  barrels of oil they've taken out of [TS]

  Prudhoe Bay but it's a lot of oil and so [TS]

  all you would need is to have a small [TS]

  you know like point zero zero one [TS]

  percent of any of that would be an [TS]

  enormous amount of money for end and [TS]

  there was this there was this argument [TS]

  that we should open this up to Alaskans [TS]

  this is the this is the the yeah that's [TS]

  right it's in the spirit of the state of [TS]

  the of the new state and the [TS]

  counter-argument was if we put these up [TS]

  for auction [TS]

  yep then the oil companies will pay a [TS]

  lot of money for them and that money [TS]

  will go into the state coffers and [TS]

  conference customers love money yeah and [TS]

  they will pay for schools or whatever [TS]

  yeah and so there was a they held like a [TS]

  big Congress up there where these things [TS]

  were these ideas were argued and then [TS]

  eventually it did it did become a system [TS]

  where where in those leases were [TS]

  auctioned but uncle Jack's little little [TS]

  claim his oil claim down on the Kenai [TS]

  Peninsula was predated that process and [TS]

  it's not like he sank a well on his land [TS]

  and had a gusher mm-hmm but as the years [TS]

  went by and the oil companies [TS]

  consolidated their land down there and [TS]

  you know they had offshore drilling rigs [TS]

  and they pumped a lot of oil out of out [TS]

  of Turnagain arm they bought his claim [TS]

  and gave him a small a tiny fractional [TS]

  percentage but it was put the arm on him [TS]

  no it was just like what are you gonna [TS]

  do what are you gonna do Jack Roderick [TS]

  can go out there with a shovel and a bus [TS]

  comes up in you kiss comes up in that [TS]

  Daniel day-lewis [TS]

  it comes up in their show godless they [TS]

  say like oh you got you got all the oil [TS]

  what are you gonna do with it how you [TS]

  gonna get it out well smart guy yeah [TS]

  what you gonna do you know you're gonna [TS]

  you refine it there and fill up your [TS]

  yeah give me the tap [TS]

  so yeah they say like there is a little [TS]

  bit of take it or leave it but but at [TS]

  the time they're there they're good [TS]

  deals in bad I think he got a fine deal [TS]

  so Uncle Jack reflects on his life from [TS]

  a position of a little bit I mean he [TS]

  still lives in the same house he lives [TS]

  they lived in in 1956 but he had the [TS]

  luxury of not having to scramble because [TS]

  he did have this guaranteed constant [TS]

  kind of income right it was just like [TS]

  it's nice to have a little bait just [TS]

  cover the rent that would be nice that's [TS]

  right it's nice to have a little base [TS]

  and my dad as he got older had not made [TS]

  any he didn't have any plan like that he [TS]

  didn't he never for a second in the [TS]

  course of his life thought well what [TS]

  happens one day kind of like me right [TS]

  when the new house really think about [TS]

  the future that much yeah I know [TS]

  but then at the end he's kind of like oh [TS]

  shit it's a little bit harder for him to [TS]

  say I don't give a shit about [TS]

  skullenbones because he I think that [TS]

  little cushion makes a big difference in [TS]

  how you how you see now you're gonna got [TS]

  the phone for the timeshare yeah that's [TS]

  right that sucks [TS]

  push we get the tap I know could use a [TS]

  tap right now if I go use a tap I'm all [TS]

  I've been waiting for the tap for a long [TS]

  time you're ready for the tap you're the [TS]

  anchorman at Gonzaga mm-hmm when I went [TS]

  to guns that they had eliminated [TS]

  fraternities and sororities because of [TS]

  all the problems that they had with [TS]

  those organizations in the 70s they said [TS]

  their solution Gonzaga solution I think [TS]

  some colleges tried this they just [TS]

  eliminated fraternities and sororities [TS]

  but they had one group which they called [TS]

  a service [TS]

  organization which was called the [TS]

  Knights and Spurs and the Knights were [TS]

  the boys and the Spurs were the girls [TS]

  and they had matching polo shirts the [TS]

  boys and the girls had matching I don't [TS]

  know what blouses blue zhe's chemises [TS]

  those eye and they would supposedly go [TS]

  out and do service and I don't know what [TS]

  that meant you know they would like do [TS]

  beautification of something or I don't [TS]

  they were not a by as far as I could [TS]

  tell any kind of service organization [TS]

  they were a fraternity and sorority and [TS]

  there was a night early on in the year [TS]

  when the Knights and spurs would go out [TS]

  and tap their members for the coming [TS]

  year and once you were a knight in a [TS]

  spur you were always a knight in this [TS]

  burg right I mean you got tapped in just [TS]

  like you were tapped for skull and bones [TS]

  or the presidency or marine yeah exactly [TS]

  are you tapped for the presidency and I [TS]

  remember the night that the Knights and [TS]

  spurs went out to tap all their people [TS]

  and I was sitting in my dorm room [TS]

  reading something really hard to read [TS]

  something super deep and you could hear [TS]

  them out you could hear the shriek hear [TS]

  the tapping you could hear the tapping [TS]

  the shrieks of girls when they realized [TS]

  they'd been tapped by the Spurs you [TS]

  could hear dudes going like all this [TS]

  kind of stuff there's a lot of noise a [TS]

  lot of energy in on the campus and you [TS]

  could also feel the energy of a handful [TS]

  of thousand of people who were not going [TS]

  to get tapped by the Knights and Spurs [TS]

  sitting and either feeling small and [TS]

  isolated or seething or or just putting [TS]

  ear plugs in and trying to ignore it and [TS]

  and I remember that feeling of sitting [TS]

  in my room in the full breadth of [TS]

  knowledge that there is no way in a [TS]

  billion trillion years that I was going [TS]

  to get tapped by the Knights and spurs [TS]

  unless like a clerical error I was the [TS]

  opposite the absolute opposite of it hmm [TS]

  and also I would have hated being in the [TS]

  night since birth and yet I've never [TS]

  been tapped for anything [TS]

  mmm-hmm and I wanted to get that I [TS]

  wanted to get that tattoo so Tom and [TS]

  John I think it's still coming I just so [TS]

  I could have said no you could be the [TS]

  anchorman I mean you got to have to be [TS]

  king there's nothing wrong with that you [TS]

  know what you're right I did get tap to [TS]

  be that type now you got to have [TS]

  somebody else nobody came up behind me [TS]

  in like and tapped me on the shoulder [TS]

  but you know be kind of did they just [TS]

  came right for you problem or something [TS]

  you know yes I still run tapping people [TS]

  elbow to the nose I like this idea maybe [TS]

  I start the tradition through the tap or [TS]

  you're the one he taps I'm the tap or I [TS]

  tap the next King please go buy a [TS]

  t-shirt oh yeah if you don't have a [TS]

  t-shirt yet you got to get one man these [TS]

  t-shirts are great yeah mark on the line [TS]

  calm yeah [TS]

  rhetoric on the line calm get a t-shirt [TS]

  get one for your get one for your [TS]

  significant other get one for your dog [TS]

  or your kids there are lots available [TS]

  tapri John great incredible Christmas [TS]

  presents am i right Merlin yes I totally [TS]

  agree these cannoli given us gifts these [TS]

  are really good I wish they give us a [TS]

  better you can give us better URL [TS]

  christmas is coming [TS]

  hmm kind of so hard yeah winter is [TS]

  coming [TS]

  yes shirts because they're warm you know [TS]

  nothing John Roderick pepper pepper [TS]

  pepper gone all right [TS]

  right Christmas everybody [TS]