Roderick on the Line

Ep. 266: "Ham-Fisted Steak Cooker"


  hello hi John [TS]

  hi Merlin how's it going uh it's going a [TS]

  super-duper oh that's good to hear [TS]

  yeah I am I Oh is that you hello hello [TS]

  hello why why is that happening [TS]

  that's why happening Oh Oh someone is [TS]

  calling me on the phone and it's ringing [TS]

  in my computer no no no that shouldn't [TS]

  be I think you got hacked I'll turn on [TS]

  your screen sharing let me in an [TS]

  official computer I'm not giving you the [TS]

  permission I'm gonna give you the Trojan [TS]

  horse it's the North Koreans the North [TS]

  Koreans had some roast booth oh nice [TS]

  here's what happened a couple of years [TS]

  ago I got almonds a couple years ago a [TS]

  friend of mine who owns a farm I may [TS]

  have mentioned him before his name is [TS]

  Kurt Timmer Meister hmm that's an [TS]

  excellent name it's a real name Kurt [TS]

  Timmer Meister he used to run a [TS]

  restaurant in Seattle called the cafe [TS]

  sit TM because he had gone to France to [TS]

  learn to cook and this was this was [TS]

  before I had ever heard someone really [TS]

  use the word chef outside of her either [TS]

  chef boy or sir or a context of like Oh [TS]

  at the Four Seasons Hotel they had a [TS]

  chef a long time before I ever heard the [TS]

  word chef used without any other like [TS]

  conjunction of any kind like just I was [TS]

  talking to chef oh oh yeah there's no [TS]

  article or no article right your article [TS]

  have you heard of this thing I learned [TS]

  about it from the Top Chef TV program [TS]

  Thank You chef [TS]

  no I had never heard that before I mean [TS]

  even if you're even if you're like [TS]

  talking about your captain my captain [TS]

  stand on the desk you would say the [TS]

  captain or a captain horror this just [TS]

  it's another one of these British isms [TS]

  probably alright the continent like he's [TS]

  led her to a hospital you say he went to [TS]

  university you see you talk to chef [TS]

  actually you know what goddammit [TS]

  tell me towers on Fawlty Towers Fawlty [TS]

  fucking motherfucking towers they refer [TS]

  to him as chef [TS]

  well they do the guy that got the karate [TS]

  class there does that make sense now oh [TS]

  that's a European thing there's a [TS]

  character here in Seattle that talks [TS]

  about table I well because he has this [TS]

  idea that he has the he has these big [TS]

  dinner parties where he tries to put [TS]

  interesting people together to all talk [TS]

  about stuff and be interesting largely [TS]

  to just sort of feed his ego that he is [TS]

  some yeah that's right and with every [TS]

  possible opportunity for the rest of [TS]

  this program I'm gonna try to avoid [TS]

  using articles whenever I can [TS]

  podcast okay host host is like yeah [TS]

  whatever is in show is in show thank you [TS]

  whatever's in show is in show he always [TS]

  stands up at these events and says it's [TS]

  so wonderful to have everyone at table [TS]

  and you just you know you want to throw [TS]

  your braised rutabagas on the floor at [TS]

  that moment but but the person sitting [TS]

  next to you is so and interesting and [TS]

  entertaining that you don't want to [TS]

  leave table anyway so Kirk Timur Meister [TS]

  was very early on a character that did [TS]

  this farm-to-table thing where he sold [TS]

  his cafe Satyam and moved to Vashon [TS]

  Island Korres Maria Semple would say [TS]

  Vashon Island [TS]

  which is an island very near to Seattle [TS]

  but but very rural so it's it's you know [TS]

  took 25 minute ferry ride but it's like [TS]

  going back in time and you can own a [TS]

  farm there and you can raise your [TS]

  children with bare feet right on song [TS]

  right on farm that's right [TS]

  and so Kurt and I used to I lived at the [TS]


  but he decided he didn't want to be a [TS]

  restaurant tour anymore he wanted to be [TS]

  a farmer and so he has this wonderful [TS]

  farm where he grows all these wonderful [TS]

  things and then he has these dinners he [TS]

  had and we went at dinner because our [TS]

  generation is so fucking stupid and [TS]

  funny I'm sure he's a very nice man but [TS]

  what would make you go from like I like [TS]

  drinking out of aluminum cans to I'm [TS]

  going to become a metallurgist it's not [TS]

  it's so odd that like that just seems [TS]

  like such a normal thing now well first [TS]

  I used to do this fruity thing with food [TS]

  so I decided to go closer to the source [TS]

  - no I'm on farm and that he's on farm [TS]

  and he and the thing about Curtis he's [TS]

  wonderful but he's also awful good well [TS]

  it's very difficult character he would [TS]

  be the first to admit it [TS]

  and so he moved out there and then he [TS]

  periodically he would have these dinners [TS]

  where you would come to farm and he [TS]

  would have table you would sit at table [TS]

  and he would he would serve you meal and [TS]

  it was again it was it was just the food [TS]

  that he grew on and raised on his farm [TS]

  the only things that he didn't make [TS]

  himself were sugar salt coffee wine and [TS]

  wheat think he could buy at store from [TS]

  merchants at store from merchants or [TS]

  merchants would deliver [TS]

  oh he's probably got a fucking milk [TS]

  truck drawn by a bear yeah here's milk [TS]

  and so it was oh no we had milk he has [TS]

  yeah and he made his own cheese cause he [TS]

  wanted Snapple or something you had to [TS]

  go to a store if you wanted to Napoli [TS]

  yeah [TS]

  and of course he served wine with the [TS]

  dinner because these are fancy people [TS]

  and he had a big long table in an old [TS]

  and he converted like I think one of the [TS]

  structures on his property was the [TS]

  oldest cabin on Vashon Island that he [TS]

  eventually turned into his house and [TS]

  then there were these barns and stuff [TS]

  that he turned into big sort of spaces [TS]

  anyway it was wonderful and he would [TS]

  prepare the meal and he had oh and so he [TS]

  he also apprenticed [TS]

  young Chevy people from Seattle who [TS]

  would come over and I think probably [TS]

  work for free or work for less than free [TS]

  they probably had to pay with like a [TS]

  pound of flesh to have the privilege to [TS]

  stand in this kitchen and make this food [TS]

  for these swells and initially it was [TS]

  just friends of his and then it he [TS]

  extended the franchise to if you knew a [TS]

  friend of his you could come to this [TS]

  dinner [TS]

  it was friend of friend and then you had [TS]

  to know someone who had been to a dinner [TS]

  before and pretty soon the legacy right [TS]

  pretty soon that became too unwieldy [TS]

  there were too many people who wanted to [TS]

  go because these dinners didn't happen [TS]

  all the time it's a lot of work and it [TS]

  sounds like it could get kind of costly [TS]

  well and it was costly I didn't drink [TS]

  wine and also I was a friend so I didn't [TS]

  get too costly but there were but people [TS]

  were paying money for sure enough [TS]

  tickets and and it went from being a [TS]

  thing where you would sit sit at table [TS]

  and everyone around table was somebody [TS]

  that you knew from town or they were all [TS]

  artists and you know and Kurt was gay so [TS]

  he had access to like a lot of very [TS]

  interesting people that were middle-aged [TS]

  people that had lived a lot of lives you [TS]

  know it was a it was a very fascinating [TS]

  so long thin line it was great but then [TS]

  it became more and more rich people who [TS]

  were less and less fascinating they [TS]

  thought they were faster days but they [TS]

  were the type of rich people who went to [TS]

  things like this because they were rich [TS]

  because they were rich and but they were [TS]

  you know because they were interesting [TS]

  they were lawyers and they were more [TS]

  interesting than the people that worked [TS]

  at their office that's the thing they [TS]

  thought they were the interesting ones [TS]

  because they went to this thing n bash [TS]

  huh but then you're sitting next to them [TS]

  and you're like oh wait a minute [TS]

  I'm the interesting person here like I'm [TS]

  the one that's gonna make this [TS]

  interesting for this person to go back [TS]

  to the office and feel like they'd had [TS]

  an interesting experience but you're not [TS]

  helping me know at all why don't you [TS]

  give me your watch hey buddy let me hold [TS]

  your wallet is this your card [TS]

  using mr. rocker but so Kurt eventually [TS]

  was like I don't you know I as soon as I [TS]

  say I'm having a dinner it sells out [TS]

  immediately so now I'm going to cyst [TS]

  that if I don't know you personally that [TS]

  you write an essay or do a piece of art [TS]

  in order to come to the dinner okay and [TS]

  then what he did was he gave himself a [TS]

  job of grading three hundred pieces of [TS]

  art and he was like no screw that it [TS]

  sounds like the beginning of a PBS [TS]

  special I never finished and eventually [TS]

  he said I'm not doing this anymore [TS]

  he suffered something very interesting [TS]

  he began as a restaurant tour moved to [TS]

  farm and soon found himself art so he [TS]

  said I'm not doing that anymore now I'm [TS]

  just going to make so he wrote a book [TS]

  about the about farm-to-table which was [TS]

  very influential and I think he [TS]

  influenced a whole generation of of [TS]

  cooks here in Seattle who aspire to chef [TS]

  them oh look at that Kurt Timmer Meister [TS]

  Kirk Timur Meister growing a feast the [TS]

  chronicle of a farmer table meal there [TS]

  it is he was pretty [TS]

  he was pretty early on in this game and [TS]

  very and bare almost anyone who's [TS]

  cooking in Seattle now who is who [TS]

  believes in farm-to-table is influenced [TS]

  by or has some connection to Kurt so so [TS]

  Kurt decided to start making cheese [TS]

  which was the new farm-to-table II thing [TS]

  to do attachment cheeses cheese requires [TS]

  that you do interesting things to get to [TS]

  make it good so he started making cheese [TS]

  and then he started making ice cream and [TS]

  then he opened a shop on Capitol Hill [TS]

  that is a very very cute ice cream store [TS]

  and on Capitol Hill in Seattle now [TS]

  they're there like just five or six [TS]

  different places that you can go get [TS]

  some expensive ice cream [TS]

  I think Kurt's is the most expensive but [TS]

  it's also like it's very good you know [TS]

  it's your if you're gonna pay ten [TS]

  dollars for a pint of ice cream like I [TS]

  would highly recommend that you go to [TS]

  anyway Kurt contacted a small group of [TS]

  his friends at one point and said [TS]

  I am butchering a cow and if you want [TS]

  some [TS]

  tell me mm-hmm and I wrote him and said [TS]

  I won some and he said okay give me $250 [TS]

  hmm I said okay hmm and then he said [TS]

  come by the ice-cream shop for your [TS]

  booth and this was a cow I knew right [TS]

  I'd met this cow okay I had I patted [TS]

  this cow on the nose [TS]

  I had consumed some of this cow's milk I [TS]

  presume so I arrived at the ice cream [TS]

  shop [TS]

  cows are usually boys oh okay well maybe [TS]

  I think that's usually a steer maybe I [TS]

  don't know I don't know if he had an [TS]

  intersectional farm maybe intersection a [TS]

  farm strengthened milk maybe I didn't [TS]

  drink the milk okay maybe I didn't drink [TS]

  milk [TS]

  I drank milk mm-hmm maybe this was a boy [TS]

  that he didn't want right because the [TS]

  cows were making other cows and then you [TS]

  get a boy and you're like yeah get rid [TS]

  of these boys they're just gumming up [TS]

  the works to me boys too many boys not [TS]

  enough cow cows right so anyway I knew [TS]

  all his cows I'd patted them all I mean [TS]

  it's not like I knew him like I'm like [TS]

  we talked and I'm like I like I wrote [TS]

  him when I wasn't there but I show up at [TS]

  the ice cream store and here's this big [TS]

  package of boof and I took it home and I [TS]

  unwrapped it it was all kinds of buff [TS]

  and then I'm confronted with it with [TS]

  kind of a confusion right because I know [TS]

  if I know like I got some rib eyes I got [TS]

  some short ribs I got some tenderloins [TS]

  you know things that I know what to do [TS]

  with and then I got some hamburger which [TS]

  I also know what to do with but then [TS]

  there's all those cuts of meat that I [TS]

  never quite figured out what the hell to [TS]

  do with them I got caught a variety meat [TS]

  yeah all these meats where it's like hmm [TS]

  what is that I don't know London broil [TS]

  is I don't know what a [TS]

  what a what I'm supposed to do with [TS]

  these things and so I started putting [TS]

  the name that was written in sharpie on [TS]

  the white butcher paper on a on a thing [TS]

  of meat in the freezer I would type that [TS]

  into the internet and invariably there [TS]

  was some very cheerful person on the [TS]

  internet who had made a short video [TS]

  about how to make it okay how to make [TS]

  this thing and I honestly Merlin one of [TS]

  the things that one of the areas of [TS]

  adulthood that I feel like I am a flop [TS]

  cooking recipes I cannot cook a steak oh [TS]

  no come the simplest of all things the [TS]

  thing that everybody thinks is so easy [TS]

  it's so subtle John it's very simple and [TS]

  I'm I'm a ham-fisted steak cooker I [TS]

  always overdo it I always think like oh [TS]

  it just needs another second and then [TS]

  it's all I ruin it yeah I don't know how [TS]

  to do it and I cook them outside I cook [TS]

  them inside I cook I mean pans like [TS]

  cooking I really admire you for saying [TS]

  that there are so few men they wouldn't [TS]

  let that I I'm really I really respect [TS]

  that welcome at this understand I come [TS]

  at this is somebody I think I make a [TS]

  pretty good steak but if you think I'm a [TS]

  student for life I'll always be I [TS]

  improve my process vastly last week this [TS]

  is a constant ongoing process you never [TS]

  really arrive what happened what [TS]

  happened last week well I can tell you [TS]

  if you want it's kind of boring but I [TS]

  learned how to do some stuff with herbs [TS]

  and butter that was very exciting you're [TS]

  like a thousand years ahead [TS]

  no no it's there's some life hacks but [TS]

  no I don't come back to it I don't do [TS]

  you really or story so so so I got all [TS]

  these friends I got you know Jonathan [TS]

  Coulton and Jason Finn both have those [TS]

  big green eggs out they're out there [TS]

  Stoke in these eggs all day Wow Jason [TS]

  getting really into that oh he's so into [TS]

  his egg kinda thing is he Jason it can [TS]

  make a pork tenderloin I bet he's a big [TS]

  cook he's really good and he makes these [TS]

  pork tenderloins where it's just like [TS]

  where I like the first 15 times that he [TS]

  served this to me after I started like [TS]

  eating if anybody came near me I would [TS]

  like stab at him with a fork like go [TS]

  away [TS]

  way to pork because it to you I was so [TS]

  good and then I would say to him like [TS]

  where did you get this magical food and [TS]

  he's like Costco yeah like screw you [TS]

  Costco nothing how do you how how and he [TS]

  but he's doing the thing he's got the [TS]

  thermometer yes thinking about you know [TS]

  anything about it anyway so I get this I [TS]

  got these these things in the freezer [TS]

  and I and I have some people over and [TS]

  I'm like I'm just gonna make I'm gonna [TS]

  make these three and they're unrelated [TS]

  these three white wrap things with magic [TS]

  marker wispy sharpie on it that's one of [TS]

  them one of them is a London broil one [TS]

  of them I think is a tenderloin one of [TS]

  them is a flank steak I mean there's [TS]

  just like these words that I know yeah [TS]

  that I heard them I know they mean [TS]

  something when I'm in a restaurant I [TS]

  either go I either get the fillet or I [TS]

  get the ribeye if I'm feeling [TS]

  adventurous and if you're in a really [TS]

  nice restaurant you get the ribeye [TS]

  because it's always great if you're in a [TS]

  medium nice restaurant sometimes the [TS]

  ribeye can be a little bit too much too [TS]

  much connective information not enough [TS]

  yummy I mean I don't like to order a [TS]

  steak where I leave half the steak [TS]

  behind because it isn't a steak right if [TS]

  you get when that's not very well [TS]

  marbled you get a big foam hunk of fat [TS]

  in it you just paid a lot for a bone in [TS]

  fact yeah right I don't want that I [TS]

  don't want boning fat they were a great [TS]

  mid-90s [TS]

  fantastic very very Blues influence so I [TS]

  gone on the internet and I go London [TS]

  broil [TS]

  what is it and there's a woman that says [TS]

  here's what you do when London broil you [TS]

  fill a pan they fill a skillet with oil [TS]

  so that it's like 2 inches deep and then [TS]

  you deep-fry it [TS]

  flank steak well no it doesn't kind of [TS]

  right there on the name how they want [TS]

  you to make it well and then you put it [TS]

  in the other oh you give it a sear and [TS]

  then you finish it in the oven unit yeah [TS]

  but the sucker is a deep fry then you [TS]

  put it in the oven [TS]

  and then you bring it back out and just [TS]

  plop it in the oil one more time to deep [TS]

  frying right there that sounds pretty [TS]

  good and then you pull it out and then [TS]

  you put a bunch of butter on an herb [TS]

  which I don't know what those are I [TS]

  would when people say herb I usually [TS]

  just put garlic salt on it thing I mean [TS]

  I should count yeah [TS]

  and so I was like well if that's gonna [TS]

  work for London broil it's also gonna [TS]

  work for these other steaks so I get a [TS]

  little factory going I'm driving these [TS]

  just so we're clear just to remind our [TS]

  listeners you're doing all your making [TS]

  three sets of meat for table all at the [TS]

  same time prepared the same way right [TS]

  and they are all frozen solid because [TS]

  they've been in my freezer so I'm [TS]

  dropping them into the oil and [TS]

  deep-frying them frozen which I figured [TS]

  was like this this is how you crispy on [TS]

  the outside and juicy on the inside so I [TS]

  do it I do all this I put them all in [TS]

  the oven [TS]

  I cook some amount of time somewhere [TS]

  probably in between what she said [TS]

  because it's like well you don't want to [TS]

  overdo it and then I do it then I flop [TS]

  them again and then I know you're [TS]

  supposed to let him rest [TS]

  yell em rest sit there for a while and [TS]

  I'm like hey and everybody's sitting [TS]

  there with their with their little [TS]

  lobster bibs tucked in their shirts big [TS]

  big tongues licking their lips like [TS]

  mommy mom that smells good and I put him [TS]

  down and I'm like here they are and you [TS]

  can cut into him and they were like very [TS]

  pink inside one of them was red like you [TS]

  know they're rare the the most cooked [TS]

  ones were rare the uncooked ones were [TS]

  like very rare undercooked but like [TS]

  crusty on the outside yeah and I was [TS]

  like these are gonna be amazing this is [TS]

  gonna blow everybody's mind but then I [TS]

  started eating them and they were very [TS]

  chewy mmm [TS]

  and I didn't understand how they could [TS]

  be so chewy because they were it looks [TS]

  snaky they looked very snaky I don't [TS]

  understand what happened but everyone [TS]

  was very polite [TS]

  my daughter had some oh my houseguest [TS]

  had some she said that it was like [TS]

  delicious I I was doing that thing that [TS]

  Chef does sometimes which is say this [TS]

  isn't delicious don't pretend that it is [TS]

  and the reply was it's great it's [TS]

  wonderful hmm I knew it wasn't I'm in [TS]

  lots of steaks I like steak the problem [TS]

  of not being able to cook it is nothing [TS]

  I don't like it [TS]

  yeah that's how I know I've failed oh [TS]

  man [TS]

  so then the people at the table were not [TS]

  they didn't eat all the steak mm-hmm by [TS]

  a fair margin I had a lot of leftover [TS]

  steak which isn't you know like at Jason [TS]

  Finn's house there's no leftover pork [TS]

  tenderloin because you're saying [TS]

  so they're all good mouths words say it [TS]

  was really good but you feel like [TS]

  they're their mouth their mouth usings [TS]

  indicated otherwise they look somewhat [TS]

  like awful lot of steak later at one [TS]

  point hmm so then I had a refrigerator [TS]

  where I had these steaks these separate [TS]

  uh half steaks sitting in containers [TS]

  these are left leftovers leftovers and I [TS]

  had open the refrigerator and I'd look [TS]

  at him and I go what am I supposed to do [TS]

  with you now microwaving you isn't gonna [TS]

  help right but yesterday I pulled him [TS]

  out and I put him I took them all out [TS]

  and I put him on the cutting board and [TS]

  I'm looking at him I'm kind of you know [TS]

  I'm rolling my fingers like trying to [TS]

  figure out what's going what to do next [TS]

  and I take out my fancy Japanese knife [TS]

  and I start slicing him real thin [TS]

  slicing him across the grain slice I [TS]

  sliced with my little Japanese knife [TS]

  just like like doing a whole like slice [TS]

  him up thing and then I realized that I [TS]

  had made fantastic roast beef [TS]

  oh they'll be going to sandwich and I [TS]

  started making sandwiches with this [TS]

  roast beef that was like very rare in [TS]

  the middle and kind of like rusty on the [TS]

  outside were you eating it at a [TS]

  refrigerator temperature refrigerator [TS]

  temperature glass sounds good with a [TS]

  piece of Swiss cheese on some nice parts [TS]

  good artisanal bread boy and all of a [TS]

  sudden I had gone from being a total [TS]

  steak flop to being like roast beef [TS]

  ninja and I don't even know how I how I [TS]

  got there it was like so now I'm all [TS]

  about how do I intentionally make roast [TS]

  beef mm-hmm where it's not that I just [TS]

  don't know how to make steak you feel [TS]

  like maybe a little bit you got a little [TS]

  bit lucky with that one well I pulled [TS]

  the fat from the fire yes saying I do I [TS]

  do but but there was nobody there to [TS]

  share it with you right I didn't have my [TS]

  dinner table people and I was like whoa [TS]

  whoa whoa wait a minute we're actually [TS]

  making sandwiches I ended up playing [TS]

  this was a private moment I had with the [TS]

  roast beef but then but then I went [TS]

  online and I was like how to make a [TS]

  roast beef mm-hm [TS]

  and all of the recipes were talking [TS]

  about how to make a roast beef like back [TS]

  in the old days when we were kids and [TS]

  people would serve a roast beef for [TS]

  dinner like here's a beef and there's [TS]

  gravy and there's vegetables and [TS]

  potatoes like a roast beef instead of I [TS]

  didn't even remember that I didn't [TS]

  remember until I was reading these are [TS]

  you talking about like this distinction [TS]

  between like what you get at a deli [TS]

  versus what in England they might call [TS]

  like a Sunday roast right I'd forgotten [TS]

  about a Sunday row I'd forgotten that [TS]

  out even was a photo that I'd be such a [TS]

  nice thing only the roast beef that I [TS]

  get at the at the deli is that's the [TS]

  only kind of roast beef I I've [TS]

  experienced in 20 years but when we were [TS]

  kids we'd go to Sunday dinner at [TS]

  somebody's house first eat dinner you [TS]

  could be four or or at a holiday right [TS]

  wasn't absolutely that kind of beef done [TS]

  well I mean you does not have to be a [TS]

  standing rib roast you can make you can [TS]

  make a pretty nice for his roast beef it [TS]

  doesn't have to be super costly it's all [TS]

  about the preparation I think this is a [TS]

  good [TS]

  the experiment for you you got a nice [TS]

  oven you could do this I need this what [TS]

  is it what do I do [TS]

  I think foreing to talk about what about [TS]

  herbs [TS]

  tell me about herbs well you know I I [TS]

  realize yeah you understand it may be [TS]

  resistant to this but one thing that's [TS]

  kind of fun and counterintuitive is [TS]

  sous-vide where you cook it in like a [TS]

  water bath in bags I know I know okay so [TS]

  if you don't wanna do that okay here [TS]

  here's the very very short version of [TS]

  how to make a steak like don't get the [TS]

  nice to stick in the world but get a [TS]

  nice stick maybe get a New York Strip or [TS]

  or you could get a ribeye but I don't [TS]

  say start with a New York Strip it's [TS]

  more forgiving let the steak come to you [TS]

  won't probably meat rare to medium-rare [TS]

  right yeah my quickie would be get your [TS]

  steak let it come to room temperature so [TS]

  have it out for like an hour or so get a [TS]

  pan get a fan going get a pan going very [TS]

  very very hot and put a little bit or [TS]

  probably little bit of like oil in there [TS]

  maybe canola oil or lard you could use [TS]

  but canola oil will be fine [TS]

  get a fan going get a pan going get a [TS]

  fan in a pan put lots of kosher salt on [TS]

  either side of the steak and on the [TS]

  edges and then any of the other kinds of [TS]

  things that you would like it actually [TS]

  does not need to be a ton of stuff I [TS]

  would say pepper you might put some [TS]

  garlic powder or you can use fresh [TS]

  garlic but garlic garlic powder powder [TS]

  actually works pretty well you can put [TS]

  on some secret salt I think you're not a [TS]

  fan of secret salt but you could put [TS]

  that on if you talk about Lowry fume msg [TS]

  yeah and then the idea is when it's [TS]

  super hot you kind of like gently a real [TS]

  gentle like you put it in there with [TS]

  your tongs [TS]

  you should hear lots of sizzling and [TS]

  what you can do is what I do is at that [TS]

  point I've got something get rosemary [TS]

  you get time and you get a little bit of [TS]

  bay leaf and I put that on top of the [TS]

  steak and then I got this little iron [TS]

  deal that I put on top that like holds [TS]

  it down and Sears it but now wait a [TS]

  minute aren't those three things [TS]

  rosemary thyme bay leaf bay leaf I know [TS]

  I like bay leaf in a spaghetti sauce [TS]

  I'll always throw a couple of bay Leafs [TS]

  and a spaghetti I've never been quite [TS]

  sure what a bay leaf does I think it [TS]

  might be a jamup [TS]

  but it seems to do something my Aunt [TS]

  Martha mm-hmm had a famous spaghetti [TS]

  sauce every family's got somebody that's [TS]

  got a famous spaghetti sauce mm-hmm [TS]

  Martha had this famous spaghetti sauce [TS]

  i none of us could figure out what it [TS]

  was that made it so good that made it so [TS]

  distinctive and i think it was the bay [TS]

  leaf so i started throwing bay leaf in [TS]

  my spaghetti sauce but i don't think i [TS]

  throw enough bay leaf in there you have [TS]

  to kind of break them in half and throw [TS]

  them in a hole and take them out at the [TS]

  end right okay [TS]

  but i mean this is a real simple method [TS]

  and there's there's more sophisticated [TS]

  ways to do what we're talking about here [TS]

  but so then so what I do what I do then [TS]

  is like I say I put I put those herbs I [TS]

  don't put the herbs I don't like smash [TS]

  them into the steak before i sear it at [TS]

  that point it's mostly it's mostly salt [TS]

  so it's the most important part and and [TS]

  so at that point now it's searing a [TS]

  little bit you got your you got your [TS]

  herbs on top of the steak with a little [TS]

  iron thing you pushing it down or [TS]

  similar you could use also use another [TS]

  pan but kind of push it down we don't [TS]

  get a lot of BTUs so it needs some help [TS]

  now at this point what I would do is [TS]

  take about two tablespoons of butter and [TS]

  put that into the pan okay now you're [TS]

  gonna count lift up the thing scrape off [TS]

  you scrape off the herb so that the [TS]

  herbs go into the butter that's melting [TS]

  really fast now you want to redistribute [TS]

  all the oily stuff you flip the steak [TS]

  back over at this point you spoon some [TS]

  of the Irby butter onto the top of the [TS]

  steak that's cooking spoon the Irby [TS]

  butter spoon the Irby butter you get [TS]

  yourself a tablespoon be careful not to [TS]

  burn your hand it's really easy to do [TS]

  but when you kind of turn the pan a [TS]

  little bit and get some Irby butter you [TS]

  put that on there [TS]

  you let that sear real good now there's [TS]

  a few times do you get to doneness that [TS]

  you want but I would say try that you [TS]

  can also if you wanted you could you [TS]

  could flip it again and do the butter on [TS]

  the other side too but at this point you [TS]

  got that's gonna be a pretty good steak [TS]

  right there mm-hmm I know I'm just I'm [TS]

  so confident that I could do that exact [TS]

  thing and screw it up right now anybody [TS]

  can I mean it's it's it's and that the [TS]

  problem is like it is kind of a game of [TS]

  seconds in a lot of ways you know you [TS]

  know look at like hamburgers a hamburger [TS]

  seems like the easiest thing in the [TS]

  world to make but how many shitty [TS]

  hamburgers have you had that somebody [TS]

  made at their house like a hamburger is [TS]

  easy to screw up there's all kinds of [TS]

  ways people try to get cute with a [TS]

  hamburger and they fuck it up and it's [TS]

  either like too personal [TS]

  it's like fucking cheese in the middle [TS]

  and it's burnt it's weird and you know I [TS]

  know what you think about like think [TS]

  about like a burger that you get even at [TS]

  a fat [TS]

  food place it's so good you know what it [TS]

  is one thing is that men play with the [TS]

  food too much you can't play with the [TS]

  food don't play with it don't play with [TS]

  the food don't poke the food I mean you [TS]

  can touch the food to see how done it is [TS]

  but don't poke it don't see ya you're [TS]

  gonna drain out the juices don't do that [TS]

  I don't want that don't drink [TS]

  Sydal men get bored and this is one way [TS]

  a lot of men screw up on the grill is [TS]

  they feel like they need to be touching [TS]

  the meat a lot [TS]

  don't touch the meat so much when it [TS]

  smells like meat when it smells like [TS]

  steak at stake that's when you're [TS]

  getting music oh you should be able to [TS]

  hear steak and you should be able to [TS]

  smell stick when it smells hears and [TS]

  hears and smells like steak you're [TS]

  getting close a steak steak if it [TS]

  doesn't sound like steak it may not be [TS]

  steak yet ah and it smells like steak [TS]

  for too long now you've got another [TS]

  thing oh no it's a post nice Co steak [TS]

  and it's one maybe only good for [TS]

  sandwiches well so it was super boring [TS]

  but no actually the butter thing sounds [TS]

  crazy but [TS]

  butter butter on hot dogs butter on [TS]

  steak I'm telling you it's so good um [TS]

  you know I think you're helping people I [TS]

  mean you're certainly helping me [TS]

  although I'm gonna do exactly what you [TS]

  just said and I'm gonna ruin it no no I [TS]

  don't know why there's another tip if [TS]

  you get if you get fresh herbs this I'm [TS]

  not a foodie so fuck that but what you [TS]

  might do is if you get fresh herbs you [TS]

  don't want to have powdered herbs thyme [TS]

  bay leaf and rosemary if you don't have [TS]

  a bush excuse me all three of those [TS]

  fries just fine you put them in a zip [TS]

  pop back but my program in problem with [TS]

  thyme and rosemary is I do have those in [TS]

  the garden time is very good on lots of [TS]

  meats but isn't it just doesn't it just [TS]

  make everything taste like durty graph [TS]

  it no that's cilantro mmm [TS]

  time just trying to try a little little [TS]

  bit of time on a steak it'll rock your [TS]

  world [TS]

  all right you sons of this stuff I mean [TS]

  rosemary like any of these herbs people [TS]

  use them too much because they're again [TS]

  men like you put too much of stuff in [TS]

  it's nice you're having a steak [TS]

  you're not having a pile of rosemary [TS]

  with meat in it like yeah thank God you [TS]

  said so you know what I'm saying [TS]

  I don't want to see rosemary I don't [TS]

  want even know it's there I just wanna I [TS]

  want the thing to be good and you know [TS]

  it's done I would toss it into this is [TS]

  not I'm super critical some people say [TS]

  don't yes yes garbage don't email me [TS]

  wrap it up a few times in aluminum foil [TS]

  and let it sit for about 10 minutes [TS]

  keeping it to go all right it's thin for [TS]

  your guests [TS]

  that's tenting it is what you're saying [TS]

  well ten thing I would say is more like [TS]

  you don't want to burn the top of your [TS]

  breast to your turkey you know but this [TS]

  is our this is a setting or the you know [TS]

  kind of letting the juices settle as [TS]

  they say uh-huh [TS]

  I'm very tempted to buy you a sous-vide [TS]

  dingus right now they are very very fun [TS]

  you can be a food science I wouldn't ask [TS]

  even what that is if you try if you - if [TS]

  you give me a piece of pen a pen he gave [TS]

  me a piece of pen paper yes and said [TS]

  draw a sous-vide dingus uh-huh I don't [TS]

  know I don't know what I think I would [TS]

  it's all right it's a lightsaber with a [TS]

  cord that brings water to a very precise [TS]

  level and keeps it there mm-hmm [TS]

  so you can cook stuff don't ramadhir [TS]

  where do I get some beef this is so [TS]

  fucking boring I'm gonna miss this [TS]

  episode never air whoa let's not let's [TS]

  not let's not do it anymore let's not [TS]

  talk about it except I just want to know [TS]

  what well no no you don't I don't know I [TS]

  don't I I have a hamburger hack Oh bring [TS]

  it yeah a hamburger hack that helps your [TS]

  hamburger help you got hacked make you a [TS]

  hamburger ick which is are you are you [TS]

  ready for this best hamburger ready you [TS]

  ready for best damn burger can master [TS]

  close to Denny's Denny's hamburger how [TS]

  do you get you get medium rare medium [TS]

  rare mm-hm medium rare Denny's hamburger [TS]

  you're not gonna believe it okay [TS]

  it's Denny's like the only reason you go [TS]

  to Denny's is two o'clock in the morning [TS]

  you want to smoke cigarettes and and and [TS]

  be gone I smoked so many cigarettes at [TS]

  Denny's except a can't smoke cigarettes [TS]

  at Denny's anymore be neither of us are [TS]

  gone [TS]

  but there is a great hamburger there and [TS]

  I think something like Thursdays or [TS]

  Tuesday's kids eat free Shh [TS]

  kids eat free good hamburger Timmy's now [TS]

  Denny's had a lot there Denny's was very [TS]

  problematic Denny's was one of those [TS]

  companies like dominos and really hit [TS]

  nectars that every that was that the [TS]

  left boycotted because they were racist [TS]

  or because of the causes for causes I [TS]

  think Denny's was actually Denny's [TS]

  actually like was demonstrably racist [TS]

  Sambo's the Sambo's was visibly racist [TS]

  we boycotted Domino's because the owner [TS]

  gave money to anti-abortion school that [TS]

  is why we did not get done with this [TS]

  incop we didn't get we didn't go to Home [TS]

  Depot because that guy is just a crank [TS]

  right a bad bad girl sorry to hear that [TS]

  I like a Home Depot but but apparently [TS]

  Home Depot itself says that bad crank [TS]

  guy is no longer involved so don't be [TS]

  mad at they're not San ok they're no [TS]

  longer problematic yeah well but bad [TS]

  crank guy is still around I don't know [TS]

  what they're talking about cuz he's [TS]

  still around but he's not they don't [TS]

  they say they're trying to distance [TS]

  themselves and then there was something [TS]

  about was it Snapple I guess it was [TS]

  Snapple that was they were all cutie pie [TS]

  but when you got behind the curtain [TS]

  there was some kind of they were like [TS]

  they were Darth Maul Snapple boycott [TS]

  there was a boycott snap of what kind I [TS]

  think we boycott Papa John's cuz that [TS]

  guy's just like soup is a bad guy bad [TS]

  guy 1993 snapping it that's probably not [TS]

  it well no I think that I think it dates [TS]

  for them is that right [TS]

  Snapple rumors Snapple rumored monsters [TS]

  calm looking at Snapple rumor Snapple is [TS]

  affiliated with the Ku Klux Klan or [TS]

  donates money to the anti-abortion group [TS]

  Operation Rescue there you go [TS]

  1992 thought it's false according to [TS]

  Center let's see what else in Apple's [TS]

  into yes so anyway stake you know but [TS]

  you know that's a good place to start [TS]

  because that's I think [TS]

  it is like you know one little tricks in [TS]

  there is the letting it come to room [TS]

  temperature having it be frozen not as [TS]

  good well you know the freezer plays a [TS]

  large role in in my bachelor hood mmm [TS]

  because it all goes in the freezer and [TS]

  there are some things that when they [TS]

  come in the house they go into the [TS]

  freezer [TS]

  I imagine you like Leonard Bernstein oh [TS]

  you're like Burt Leonard Bernstein you [TS]

  come in your deciding like look what [TS]

  orchestra members are here what what are [TS]

  we going to produce together today yeah [TS]

  right right that's right I get my I get [TS]

  my conductors wand out I open the [TS]

  refrigerator you pick up the ton uh-huh [TS]

  I pick up with Tom I open the [TS]

  refrigerator I look inside here's what's [TS]

  inside tortillas eggs okay [TS]

  sixty-five kinds of mustard and hot [TS]

  sauce [TS]

  some it's your little home version of [TS]

  chopped some some mayonnaise okay okay [TS]

  that is best foods mayonnaise that I buy [TS]

  for myself okay there is some vegan [TS]

  mayonnaise left over from a time when [TS]

  vegans populated my house yeah there is [TS]

  some other mayonnaise which someone else [TS]

  brought into the house who didn't [TS]

  understand that best foods is the only [TS]

  mayonnaise like you don't bring in [TS]

  another kind of mayonnaise oh and then [TS]

  in the cupboard there's some mayonnaise [TS]

  that has John hodgman's name on it from [TS]

  his apocalypse mayonnaise series okay [TS]

  okay and then in the fridge there's [TS]

  cream for the coffee there's 2% milk for [TS]

  some reason right now there's two there [TS]

  are two containers of 2% milk and then [TS]

  in the crisper drawer there's a bunch of [TS]

  different kinds of gauges from memory [TS]

  well because this is all that's in there [TS]

  are you looking at it right now no okay [TS]

  that's amazing that recall is incredible [TS]

  I don't think I could do that with my [TS]

  refrigerator oh I could tell you [TS]

  everything that's in there in the [TS]

  baskets in mine that's like seven cases [TS]

  of fizzy water at least it's an issue [TS]

  and then in the back there's a open box [TS]

  of Arm and Hammer baking soda oh that's [TS]

  nice that keeps it fresh [TS]

  that keeps refresh although it's been in [TS]

  next time you do that like today go [TS]

  replace that right today's date on there [TS]

  it's not to blow your mind the next time [TS]

  you look at it like wait a minute 1989 [TS]

  I'm having a synecdoche New York moment [TS]

  what has happened where did all the [TS]

  baking soda time go I think you got the [TS]

  fixings of some good stuff because you [TS]

  know the key is like all great mysteries [TS]

  you've given us too many clues uh-oh [TS]

  you know I'm saying yeah sure that you [TS]

  got a refrigerator full of MacGuffins [TS]

  there's got to be a way that you could [TS]

  really exist get your laser vision right [TS]

  on the few items that you could really [TS]

  curate into a delicious into delicious [TS]

  meal for table well what happens in the [TS]

  fridge is it's just a Waystation things [TS]

  either come in there and hang out in the [TS]

  refrigerator area for three to five days [TS]

  before they are consumed or they go into [TS]

  the fridge and it just slows them down [TS]

  on their way into the freezer okay right [TS]

  because they're in the fridge and [TS]

  they're either like oh that's been in [TS]

  there five days in the freezer but the [TS]

  freezer is like hard time like you could [TS]

  be in there for a while you can see [TS]

  there for a while and so if you if you [TS]

  if you spend five days in the fridge [TS]

  over to the point where I'm looking at [TS]

  it like hmmm how many more days in the [TS]

  fridge before this is no longer a viable [TS]

  thing transfer them from County you said [TS]

  if you send them up to freezer that's [TS]

  right they go upstate and then in the [TS]

  freezer if they're there long enough [TS]

  I forget that maybe they were in the [TS]

  refrigerator for too long oh because [TS]

  they've been frozen now the freezer no [TS]

  no I trusted okay eventually it all goes [TS]

  it all comes out I look at it I go how [TS]

  long has this been in here and then I I [TS]

  make it because I don't have because I'm [TS]

  uh I'm a bachelor and I don't have very [TS]

  high standards for myself no you're a [TS]

  man who's more than more than [TS]

  comfortable eating out of a pot with a [TS]

  large spoon that I will eat out of a can [TS]

  you know out of a can with a fork with a [TS]

  with a spoon that I got in a takeout [TS]

  thing from a long time ago when I felt [TS]

  these fingers in their evolution like [TS]

  beans [TS]

  cold beans on weekend so and then the [TS]

  things that come out of the freezer and [TS]

  I'm like either I don't know what this [TS]

  is I don't even know where this came [TS]

  from or you look at and you're like this [TS]

  is freezer burn like this is bad [TS]

  yeah well you know I mean a good rule of [TS]

  thumb is if you can't tell what it is [TS]

  you probably don't want it in my case [TS]

  you can't tell what it is goes in the [TS]

  crock-pot go go in a crock-pot cook it [TS]

  for 10 hours let's see what you got in [TS]

  you buddy and then open the crock-pot up [TS]

  with a with a wood spoon oh boy and mash [TS]

  mash mash you put it in there with some [TS]

  onions and some bay leaves maybe some [TS]

  beans that's gonna be that's good eating [TS]

  that's exactly what happens I'll get [TS]

  like oh you know what I was very [TS]

  aspirational about this kale I think [TS]

  onions could make a lady's shoe taste [TS]

  good I mean there's certain kinds of [TS]

  things there if you stick it in the pot [TS]

  and leave it in there long enough you're [TS]

  gonna be fine [TS]

  yep yep and get some type of toxins it [TS]

  sweats it out I think is what it's [TS]

  called and it's what they sweat out all [TS]

  the toxins and then the onion helps [TS]

  diffuse it I lately I've you know when I [TS]

  when I'm backstage at an event and [TS]

  there's one of those you know there's a [TS]

  courtesy plate of vegetables assuming [TS]

  that everyone that does events is just [TS]

  pacing around thinking God if I just had [TS]

  some like broccoli that I could dip it [TS]

  some ranch yeah just so just a little [TS]

  bit of crudité such such a nice treat [TS]

  you don't really get very much yeah I [TS]

  don't know it's it always happens and I [TS]

  usually just sort of walk out of the [TS]

  dressing room look back at this enormous [TS]

  black plastic tray covered with [TS]

  vegetables and I just sort of look at it [TS]

  and then turn out the light and and [TS]

  close the door and keep going on my way [TS]

  home but lately I've been taking it [TS]

  because then I put all those vegetables [TS]

  in the crock pot with whatever I pull [TS]

  out of the would pull out of the back of [TS]

  the freezer [TS]

  and it turns into you know some kind of [TS]

  like meaty mush it must also be I'm just [TS]

  guessing but like you don't really [TS]

  exactly know what all of that stuff is [TS]

  what the quality what the age it must be [TS]

  a little bit of a fun mystery it's [TS]

  almost like a surprise meal when it's [TS]

  done you may not know exactly what [TS]

  you're in for right isn't that part of [TS]

  the fun almost every meal I prepare at [TS]

  home is going to produce a surprise oh [TS]

  boy that's [TS]

  when it's good it's like what a surprise [TS]

  when it's when it's awful it's like whoo [TS]

  that was a surprise and when it's like [TS]

  somewhere in the middle [TS]

  where you go I turned either I turned [TS]

  garbage into something edible or I [TS]

  turned something edible into garbage but [TS]

  neither time I know for sure what what's [TS]

  gonna happen until I put that first fork [TS]

  to my mouth uh-huh [TS]

  I made some soup and served it to my [TS]

  daughter and myself the other day and I [TS]

  put it down in front of her and she took [TS]

  a bite of it [TS]

  uh-huh and said I don't like this soup [TS]

  oh boy and I said you're a child and you [TS]

  don't get to choose all the time what [TS]

  your food is this is good soup and I [TS]

  need you to eat some of the soup and she [TS]

  was like I had another bite it was like [TS]

  I just you know she but she was doing it [TS]

  in a kid way like I don't want this soup [TS]

  it's gross and I was putting in the [TS]

  kitchen getting the rest of the stuff [TS]

  ready and I was like listen we're having [TS]

  soup that's what we're having so you're [TS]

  gonna have to get right with Jesus as [TS]

  the words are coming at least for me as [TS]

  the words are coming out of my mouth it [TS]

  seems so patently obvious I've I've just [TS]

  I have just man identified a state of [TS]

  reality in the in the world which is it [TS]

  there are meals in the world and there [TS]

  is our home and the Venn diagram is that [TS]

  the me on our home tonight is soup it's [TS]

  soup this is the thing we're having mom [TS]

  and dad want Indian food tonight and [TS]

  that's the thing we're having for dinner [TS]

  that's exactly right what kind of what [TS]

  part of Indian meal are you interested [TS]

  in because not meaning you get a [TS]

  cheeseburger [TS]

  there is no Indian cheeseburger no maybe [TS]

  maybe a table but not at our table not [TS]

  at our table well so then I sat down and [TS]

  I tucked myself under this bowl of soup [TS]

  and I said look here's how here's how a [TS]

  person needs soup and I took a bite of [TS]

  the soup and I was like oh dear this is [TS]

  terrible [TS]

  she like she glared at me and I was like [TS]

  cartoon I took her soup away and I took [TS]

  my soup away and I said let's find [TS]

  another thing to eat that isn't this [TS]

  soup and so she was like yeah thanks [TS]

  thanks I was trying to tell you how the [TS]

  job dad I was trying to tell you hey [TS]

  John let's talk about a sponsor [TS]

  oh I'm springing this on you I'm gonna [TS]

  talk about Squarespace can't say about [TS]

  Squarespace [TS]

  yeah yeah Square this is where you can [TS]

  go to make a beautiful website for [TS]

  yourself you can turn your cool idea [TS]

  into a website to showcase your work you [TS]

  can blog or publish content sell [TS]

  products all in one place with beautiful [TS]

  temples John did you know that our [TS]

  website is a swear space website we [TS]

  aware of that I didn't know that you [TS]

  know I have several websites that are on [TS]

  Squarespace oh boy I mean you know I [TS]

  deliberately doing it now cuz I won't do [TS]

  a lot of time well if you do at [TS]

  Squarespace John why I feel like I need [TS]

  websites I need more web sites because [TS]

  telling you you got to get on the [TS]

  internet get on the internet right now [TS]

  and you know ecommerce think about all [TS]

  the econ that's so good because they [TS]

  have powerful ecommons function commerce [TS]

  functionality why do I do this they let [TS]

  me sell anything online [TS]

  they have ecommerce they got the [TS]

  e-commerce what else get the ability to [TS]

  customize look and feel the settings of [TS]

  products more with just a few clicks [TS]

  it's not amazing this is exactly what I [TS]

  need I need this sucked my syllable [TS]

  right out of the box so I have them I [TS]

  have them and then I have people that [TS]

  are like let me help you do your [TS]

  Squarespace I'm like awesome and then I [TS]

  and so right now I think I have several [TS]

  Squarespace websites that are being [TS]

  managed by several different people and [TS]

  I think that they're probably conducting [TS]

  e-commerce or putting things putting [TS]

  things on the Internet one imagines the [TS]

  sites are fine raves John rhetoric yeah [TS]

  I think they're fine well I like it a [TS]

  lot I have lots of things on Squarespace [TS]

  there's our there's our internet podcast [TS]

  which is on Squarespace and we put the [TS]

  episodes up there the short that I steal [TS]

  from other places that goes up there my [TS]

  Merlin man meetup site that's it Merlin [TS]

  em comm / meet up you can even you know [TS]

  you can learn about you know the stuff I [TS]

  do and I love it I've been with them for [TS]

  years and years and I think they're [TS]

  great I'll tell you a secret I don't [TS]

  know I don't know this was in the terms [TS]

  I set up a we're setting up a site for [TS]

  my kid it's gonna be a private site but [TS]

  she wanted to be but our domain name [TS]

  that she wanted and now she's gonna have [TS]

  her on the web site Squarespace fast [TS]

  they grow up oh she gets her own web [TS]

  site what's she gonna put there I can't [TS]

  I couldn't say all right well she and [TS]

  her friends have developed a character [TS]

  and they have a club and they've made [TS]

  business cards and it's an entire [TS]

  enterprise that she's undertaken well it [TS]

  sounds like the group they get the nice [TS]

  girls and the funny boys it's a new way [TS]

  to buy domains you can choose from over [TS]

  200 different extensions at square space [TS]

  they have analytics that help you grow [TS]

  over time it has a built in search [TS]

  engine optimization which I know is very [TS]

  important for John secure SEO SEO look [TS]

  it up do a few search sir and you know [TS]

  what there's nothing to ever patch or [TS]

  upgrade and you get 24 by 7 [TS]

  award-winning customer support whenever [TS]

  you need it you go and you make it with [TS]

  Squarespace so if you if you're if [TS]

  you're if you're lay in the business if [TS]

  you're if you're in the market for a [TS]

  website you can a Squarespace calm you [TS]

  get a free trial no credit card required [TS]

  and when you're ready to launch your [TS]

  beautiful new site use the offer code [TS]

  are OTL just like it sounds RTL or yell [TS]

  RTL that'll save you 10% off your first [TS]

  purchase of a website or domain booyah [TS]

  yeah Squarespace for supporting Roderick [TS]

  on the line and all the great shows I [TS]

  don't even know how Internet's we're [TS]

  done before Squarespace because right [TS]

  now everybody I know uses Squarespace I [TS]

  don't even know what the other options [TS]

  are I mean we're advertising to people [TS]

  who are probably out there thinking I [TS]

  have my internet on a different place [TS]

  yes and we're saying you should go to [TS]

  Squarespace but from where I'm sitting [TS]

  in my chair all I know is Squarespace [TS]

  because they're it's doing such a good [TS]

  job that I don't even know why there's [TS]

  another I don't even have like a [TS]

  particularly great analogy for it except [TS]

  to say that there was a time when people [TS]

  idiots like me made their living doing [TS]

  the kind of stuff that Squarespace does [TS]

  automatically and flawlessly now and I [TS]

  am now that I have other ways to to you [TS]

  know [TS]

  make income and stuff I'm very happy to [TS]

  not be in that business cuz it has [TS]

  gotten very complex I would not want to [TS]

  have to make a website nowadays that [TS]

  looks good on a phone and on a giant [TS]

  screen and on TV and all that that's one [TS]

  of the nice things Squarespace does this [TS]

  ads going on longer than I wanted but [TS]

  but I can I actually do recommend them [TS]

  and here's John here's what I'd like to [TS]

  tell the kids you know here's the thing [TS]

  with Squarespace even if you like the [TS]

  kind of person John's talking about even [TS]

  if you already have a website you made [TS]

  yourself out of stuff you found in your [TS]

  freezer right keep in mind that someone [TS]

  you know may not be as cool and nerdy as [TS]

  you and might want to know about this [TS]

  there you go yeah we need a new web page [TS]

  for the day school can you make me one [TS]

  can you roll the github on my word [TS]

  monkey and you're like no you go to [TS] huge stuff website and [TS]

  just go do that you're out of the master [TS]

  business just get a website I was mom [TS]

  the other day and I said why she cuz she [TS]

  was talking about she because she's very [TS]

  frustrated with the fact that [TS]

  programmers now we've talked about this [TS]

  programmers now and she says they just [TS]

  put out stuff that's in beta and then [TS]

  they make all of us into beta testers [TS]

  and that's not how that crazy people [TS]

  used to make sure that before they [TS]

  released a product that it worked and [TS]

  she's like they don't even care if it [TS]

  works now she's so mad and she's talking [TS]

  about programming how programming works [TS]

  and have you know she still thinks like [TS]

  a programmer and she's like I don't [TS]

  understand how somebody could listen to [TS]

  a podcast while they were programming [TS]

  like you have to be using your brain to [TS]

  program and I was like I don't know if [TS]

  that's true anymore yeah and at a [TS]

  certain point she was like well you know [TS]

  this that in the other and I said wait a [TS]

  minute [TS]

  never occurred to me before why don't [TS]

  they write a program to program oh it [TS]

  seems like it's something a program will [TS]

  be good for and she said well that is [TS]

  how they program now they wrote programs [TS]

  to program programs all the way down [TS]

  yeah you had to learn how to use the [TS]

  program that programmed and then they [TS]

  made a new program that programmed the [TS]

  program that program and I was like I [TS]

  was just like thinking about all these [TS]

  stacks and stacks and stacks of programs [TS]

  yes that are running programs yes and I [TS]

  said wait a minute mom are you telling [TS]

  me that there are ones and zeros at the [TS]

  bottom of all this and she's like that's [TS]

  all there is how all there is is one [TS]

  zeros all this other stuff where people [TS]

  are like dude did you to do I'm [TS]

  programming [TS]

  somewhere down the line there's ones and [TS]

  zeros which is what we used to have to [TS]

  do we have to used to play when they [TS]

  pull the strings but they're not the [TS]

  puppet do you know what I'm saying over [TS]

  there for the puppet and I'm hearing you [TS]

  say that Squarespace is a program that [TS]

  programs the program that programs [TS]

  that's a really good way to put it I [TS]

  think they should they should probably [TS]

  use that that would be a very good [TS]

  catchphrase for them mm-hmm for [TS]

  Squarespace I get it I give em the [TS]

  program that programs the program [TS]

  buffalo Buffalo I thought I'd try that [TS]

  just for once cuz we're bloody honest [TS]

  we're recording two episodes in a day [TS]

  and I thought we should try that isn't [TS]

  that fun did that work do I think it's [TS]

  gonna be flawless yeah I'm just so [TS]

  winded should have an almond I'm tired I [TS]

  do I feel tired I feel I felt I started [TS]

  writing song lyrics yesterday and they [TS]

  were all like I give up oh I surrender [TS]

  you you got me you beat me you finally [TS]

  beat me hmm big spell that Keystone [TS]

  pipeline I just get your mom programming [TS]

  on that they did just now yeah I think I [TS]

  know 200,000 gallons I want to say Oh [TS]

  key stone spill or leak spill no 210,000 [TS]

  gallons of oil that's so awful it's sort [TS]

  of like I'm sorry I meaning don't you [TS]

  get a little kid little kid what's the [TS]

  CAC you say alright hang on a second you [TS]

  see a little kid alright I'll get you [TS]

  the goddamn cat but you need to take [TS]

  care of it and was the kid say the kid [TS]

  says oh of course I'll take care of the [TS]

  cat well you understand you might you [TS]

  gotta feed it you know give water you [TS]

  got to you got it you got a grooming you [TS]

  might have to express its anal glands at [TS]

  some point you're gonna have to do stuff [TS]

  with this cat that you may not be don't [TS]

  worry I really want a cat and then you [TS]

  give it the cat in the cat's fucking [TS]

  dead in three days keys don't people say [TS]

  let us have the pipeline please and [TS]

  thank you [TS]

  this is not gonna be a problem we [TS]

  promise nothing will leak 200,000 [TS]

  gallons then you say well you know shit [TS]

  happens [TS]

  that's a lot that's a lot of well two [TS]

  hundred ten thousand well you know [TS]

  what's a drop in the bucket [TS]

  do you still see Kurt he's diabetes now [TS]

  right he's famous Kurt is um very [TS]

  prickly and and you know he's spectra me [TS]

  right so huh if you want to sit and talk [TS]

  to Kurt he's very social and like but [TS]

  he's obviously really trying and then [TS]

  after a while it uses him up right he's [TS]

  as I'm very sympathetic to I am too I am [TS]

  too and so we see each other we have a [TS]

  good time we laugh we exchange some like [TS]

  old memes which is part of how people [TS]

  socialize with one another right like [TS]

  haha remember that time oh I do we talk [TS]

  about it every time okay great long to [TS]

  us yes I adore him Pizza Pizza Pizza [TS]

  oh yeah look into this Borga smart [TS]

  they're all the regional the regional [TS]

  songs right cow yeah we have cow what's [TS]

  Cal Cal is uh oh [TS]

  go see Cal go see Cal goes to Cal s [TS]

  cat-cows the car car dealer burlington [TS]

  four cow ford Cal had what's crazy is [TS]

  that yet he was a Ford dealer in Alaska [TS]

  but I think he was a Chevy dealer in [TS]

  California and so they would repurpose [TS]

  these commercials they'd show like these [TS]

  great California shots as write down a [TS]

  little bit of local color [TS]

  yeah and then cut in some pictures of [TS]

  Ford's and I'm playing with a tattwa [TS]

  with a tiger or something 10-inch with [TS]

  snow on them but we all meet we all knew [TS]

  all the songs right I mean it had [TS]

  multiple verses Wow if you're looking [TS]

  for a better set of wheels I will stand [TS]

  upon my head to beat all deals cowboy [TS]

  hat Oh [TS]

  down upon my head until my ears are [TS]

  turning red go seek ow go seek ow go [TS]

  seek ow follow the signs follow the cars [TS]

  to catch some birdies big bargain barn [TS]

  in south Lebanon Ohio I don't care about [TS]

  making money I just love to sell carpets [TS]

  it's crazy Eddie we didn't have crazy [TS]

  Eddie but when we got cable TV they got [TS]

  the help he needed yeah we had we had a [TS]

  lot you know there's a song called there [TS]

  was an anchorage tourism campaign in the [TS]

  80s called wild about anchorage and it's [TS]

  it's kind of funny about those local [TS]

  tourism campaigns because they put those [TS]

  ads on Alaska TV where it's like yeah [TS]

  we're all in Anchorage I mean if we're [TS]

  wild about it this is this is as good as [TS]

  it gets your commercial isn't gonna like [TS]

  like psych us up about it these [TS]

  commercials should be on TV in [TS]

  California mm-hmm but it had a great [TS]

  song wild wild about Anchorage it's a [TS]

  marvelous time and then there were like [TS]

  these animals moose and bear and [TS]

  raccoons and stuff doing a cam cam style [TS]

  of animated ones yeah that's adorable [TS]

  and it was very cute and very wonderful [TS]

  it was a it was a it was a thing that we [TS]

  all actually kind of it did psych us up [TS]

  we got into it like this is a thing [TS]

  we're wild about Anchorage and people [TS]

  had buttons and t-shirts wild about [TS]

  Anchorage I'm not sure if that exists to [TS]

  this day but but we all knew the song [TS]

  yeah [TS]

  John I don't have anything else to talk [TS]

  about I'm exhausted oh yeah okay well I [TS]

  feel like I feel like we had a good show [TS]

  was a very good show you know as this is [TS]

  coming out on Monday which is today you [TS]

  go over to a cotton bureau Jesus Christ [TS]

  here we go go to show knows to find it [TS]

  get one of our t-shirts they're really [TS]

  nice this is it's getting to be the [TS]

  holiday season but a boat it bit at the [TS]

  bend and you want to you want to do this [TS]

  you want to go and get a shirt because I [TS]

  think they're the best shirts but all [TS]

  the great ships you go and the truth is [TS]

  you go to Jesus Christ cotton pure calm [TS]

  slash people slash Roderick - on the [TS]

  dash line and super training pound sign [TS]

  supertrain shirt we've got the right [TS]

  Econoline orange bell it's lovely and [TS]

  grips the brand new all the great shows [TS]

  t-shirt and and the thing is some of [TS]

  them are available as watch call hoodies [TS]

  and sweatshirts did you know that I [TS]

  didn't know that yeah you might see my [TS]

  super train shirt that I wear the most [TS]

  is a hoodie it's got drawstrings and [TS]

  pockets in the whole nine I'm gonna get [TS]

  one of these all the great shows hoodies [TS]

  I gave I just you know I gave a code to [TS]

  Shawn to get a free shirt oh nice [TS]

  oh it to him but like you I think it's a [TS]

  nice gesture it's great yeah it's [TS]

  wonderful he was there he did canonize [TS]

  it by making fun of you about it for [TS]

  years right yeah he was the one that he [TS]

  was the one that turned it and made it [TS]

  into a made it into a meme directed at [TS]

  kicking me in the knee but that but that [TS]

  was fun for us both because I love being [TS]

  kicked in the me huh so yeah all the [TS]

  great shows became synonymous with my [TS]

  inability to navigate simple social [TS]

  situation I hope you get the ability to [TS]

  sit down with dan dan harm at some point [TS]

  one of these days a chance to sit down [TS]

  and visit an interview and really get [TS]

  inside to create or create t process oh [TS]

  it's exact sit down at microphone I [TS]

  can't wait I can't wait [TS]

  give it Bell where shall I bring us out [TS]

  oh hang on let me get let me find my [TS]

  Bell I did I got it I brought oh hang on [TS]

  it's over there let me get it okay I'll [TS]

  step aside for a moment he's going to [TS]

  get his Bell [TS]

  he should be back in just a moment ah [TS]

  now this isn't this isn't my actual [TS]

  orange Bell okay okay this is a bell [TS]

  that we got during our phase of like [TS]

  maybe we should make bells oh we did we [TS]

  got test bells and we had a couple of [TS]

  test bells and then this was one of the [TS]

  test bells and it's still kind of [TS]

  floating around here so here we go ready [TS]

  inside have things happy Thanksgiving [TS]

  everybody [TS]

  Happy Thanksgiving oh that's Pleasant [TS]

  pardon that turkey [TS]