The Incomparable

136: We Waited 16 Years For This?


  incontrovertible no they weren't 446 [TS]

  april 2013 welcome back to being [TS]

  comfortable podcast I'm Jason smell your [TS]

  host we are going to talk about [TS]

  something in this episode that we have [TS]

  previously denied all knowledge of and [TS]

  once this episode is done we will bend [TS]

  my all knowledge of again our topic [TS]

  tonight is a fine [TS]

  well okay a film that was released in [TS]

  1999 will let you make your own value [TS]

  judgments it is star wars episode 1 [TS]

  colon the Phantom Menace emphasis on the [TS]

  colon yes so joining me to talk about [TS]

  this is a quite a panel we've assembled [TS]

  everybody was just lining up because [TS]

  they wanted to talk about this movie and [TS]

  more in hi Dan [TS]

  hi Jason thanks for no no no thank you [TS]

  thank you [TS]

  I don't want to be here I'm gonna make [TS]

  gunpoint lightsaber point give me glory [TS]

  point so you are you doing this podcast [TS]

  / protest hope I mean I do all my [TS]

  pockets really technically under protest [TS]

  this one is even more under protests [TS]

  even worse okay fair enough [TS]

  welcome good to have you here haha haha [TS]

  serenity Caldwell is also here hello [TS]

  hello also slightly under protest [TS]

  although I think I'm more mad at Dan [TS]

  because i watched episode 11 it was out [TS]

  in theaters because my parents wanted to [TS]

  go see it in 3d and then he made me [TS]

  watch it again because he had not like [TS]

  you say that I've made you want because [TS]

  i saw this in the theaters to get into [TS]

  that no no I mean I saw this when it was [TS]

  re-released like six months ago I [TS]

  thought you should hear the one [TS]

  everybody there is enough blame to go [TS]

  around this is just the blame podcast [TS]

  let's get this out of the way Steve [TS]

  what's is also here you heard him [TS]

  laughing about blame [TS]

  hi Steve yep dead to me lots a more [TS]

  convincing EP and I say again because [TS]

  once apparently is not enough [TS]

  yep [TS]

  now Monty ashley is here he was he's [TS]

  gonna bring a much-needed level of [TS]

  sanity or insanity [TS]

  I'm not sure which to the proceedings [TS]

  haimanti thanks for being here i am [TS]

  pleased to be here i was pleased to [TS]

  watch this movie [TS]

  they're also dead to me and then to [TS]

  people who i'm very glad to have on this [TS]

  podcast [TS]

  first off because you got the other guys [TS]

  are fine they're fine but but I'm glad [TS]

  great losses here we haven't heard him [TS]

  talk about star wars since the first [TS]

  Star Wars podcast we did where we we [TS]

  were recorded for about five hours and I [TS]

  think his wife like made him sleep in [TS]

  the basement for a week after that Greg [TS]

  welcome back [TS]

  you're on my list snow yeah I'm I've [TS]

  been on your list for like 18 years now [TS]

  and John siracusa of course is here [TS]

  despite I think there was a court order [TS]

  or something that you know despite his [TS]

  protests he is here and apparently did [TS]

  rewatch star wars episode 1 the Phantom [TS]

  Menace hai jaan i'm assuming counselors [TS]

  will be available against this episode [TS]

  to talk to us about our any feelings we [TS]

  might have yeah talk us down the special [TS]

  hotline on standby man i'm impressed job [TS]

  is John Ryu from the fetal ball [TS]

  I'm impressed with John watch the movie [TS]

  that doesn't exist well according to him [TS]

  that's why me why me would be well [TS]

  that's what we had to do I I'd like to [TS]

  start actually because I I sensed a [TS]

  great with his servants in the forest [TS]

  and that disturbance which was made out [TS]

  of midi-chlorians i believe it's sort of [TS]

  a cloud midi-chlorians suggested that I [TS]

  ask if anybody John siracusa had any [TS]

  opening remarks that they would like to [TS]

  make before we get started I prepared a [TS]

  brief statement that John thoughts i do [TS]

  have a brief opening statement [TS]

  yes this is like the opening of [TS]

  Nuremberg yes it's it's it's it is i [TS]

  think i've said all the same things [TS]

  before but they belong here in this [TS]

  place in this episode I will be brief so [TS]

  we've done a bunch of episodes of star [TS]

  wars before three beloved movies that [TS]

  make a nice little story the first we [TS]

  meet Luke and the last movie Vader's [TS]

  dead empires defeated Luke is a Jedi [TS]

  sorry if you want to the spoiler horn [TS]

  for that too late [TS]

  yeah there's just one wrinkle in the [TS]

  middle movie we learned that Vader is [TS]

  Luke's father and this is the seed of [TS]

  prequels so the prequels are not more [TS]

  adventures in the star wars universe or [TS]

  tiny started seed that no one wanted to [TS]

  see go in the first place and it's not [TS]

  like learning about you know minor [TS]

  characters or whatever the seat of the [TS]

  prequels is the is the fact Vader is [TS]

  Luke's father right so the Star Wars [TS]

  prequels I see them have one job explain [TS]

  how the good man who was Luke's father [TS]

  became Darth Vader that's that's the [TS]

  reason these movies exist and I know if [TS]

  we're going to do episode 2 & 3 [TS]

  God please let's not i was right but [TS]

  either way I want to make one [TS]

  overarching point before we begin this [TS]

  accurately here we have been doing here [TS]

  yeah forget for a moment about the [TS]

  terrible script bad acting Jar Jar Binks [TS]

  all that stuff the greatest sin of the [TS]

  Star Wars prequels is that they failed [TS]

  to provide a compelling rationale story [TS]

  of how Anakin Skywalker became Darth [TS]

  Vader i'm sure we'll talk about all the [TS]

  other problems in the rest of this [TS]

  episode here but above and beyond all of [TS]

  that is this essential truth I the [TS]

  prequels had one job to do as far as I'm [TS]

  concerned and they blew it and they [TS]

  didn't just blow it they're blue in a [TS]

  spectacular fashion and I presume that [TS]

  is what we will talk about for the rest [TS]

  of this episode I i will go ahead as an [TS]

  addendum to Jones excellent excellent [TS]

  allowing which which I agree with [TS]

  wholeheartedly is that more than that [TS]

  because they failed so protected this [TS]

  job [TS]

  they also kind of to a certain extent [TS]

  compromise the original trilogy in that [TS]

  their existence reveals something that [TS]

  is considered you know a major plot [TS]

  twist of the original trilogy which to [TS]

  me is problematic because how do you [TS]

  deal with the fact that you go into [TS]

  these like if you watch them in the [TS]

  supposed order starting episode 1 and [TS]

  moving forward the ending of empire is [TS]

  basically is spoiled and and as one of [TS]

  the great moments of the original [TS]

  trilogy that that i find i find [TS]

  unforgivable empires not that good [TS]

  anyway but that's not this room's fault [TS]

  that's a different movies fault is it [TS]

  that this is the first movie leading up [TS]

  to it i will say there is a way to get [TS]

  around that which is the only way i can [TS]

  conceivably consider watching the Star [TS]

  Wars prequels which is machete order [TS]

  which i'm sure we'll talk about later [TS]

  but still my main problem with this [TS]

  movie in [TS]

  earlier is that the person with the most [TS]

  fleshed-out character uh who has the [TS]

  most interesting dialogue back and forth [TS]

  and dialogue exchange Richard future is [TS]

  well [TS]

  r2d2 Archie takes a close second he has [TS]

  a hot scene with Pompey too well that's [TS]

  the thing [TS]

  alright so r2d2 can't actually speak in [TS]

  words or at least we get to make up [TS]

  whatever he's saying yeah so he [TS]

  automatically has carlines yeah yeah [TS]

  always filthy everything he says little [TS]

  he's a droid what do you expect he's [TS]

  mirroring what I'm thinking as I'm [TS]

  watching the film yes but no it's it's [TS]

  the slave parts dealer it's Watteau [TS]

  water was the only person who's a good [TS]

  3d character in this movie and he's not [TS]

  even three you know the only part of him [TS]

  that's technically 3d is the CGI that [TS]

  made him and yet he is the most [TS]

  compelling character in this movie this [TS]

  is a movie that has liam neeson and ewan [TS]

  mcgregor in it and the most compelling [TS]

  character is a cgi winged thing that's [TS]

  not our tutor and rgtu well r2 d2 is [TS]

  awesome [TS]

  regardless he wins the world whatever [TS]

  alright thank you any other opening [TS]

  statements before I call my first [TS]

  witness there are reasons that these [TS]

  movies exist other than to make a profit [TS]

  I realize that's a goal of every movie [TS]

  that's made but this movie came in with [TS]

  enormous cultural expectations and they [TS]

  didn't even attempt to fulfill them by [TS]

  including any art you know John talks [TS]

  about the goal of the movie that the [TS]

  thematic endpoint that they were [TS]

  supposedly shooting for but it was just [TS]

  time to make more money right well night [TS]

  because I think there was that that seed [TS]

  of the movie is like like this that the [TS]

  Star Wars movies make a nice whole story [TS]

  and there's just one little thing left [TS]

  you like oh yeah but like but what about [TS]

  later yeah i know i saw the whole story [TS]

  so I had ended and everything but like [TS]

  what what about how did you get to be [TS]

  that guy because I heard in the first [TS]

  one that he was a good guy anybody in [TS]

  this bag that is like the only untied up [TS]

  loose ends and if you really need a star [TS]

  was like yeah I bet that's an [TS]

  interesting story turned out but yeah [TS]

  like so that's one of those interesting [TS]

  stories loose [TS]

  is that you don't want to explain no I [TS]

  like you you can splatter if you can [TS]

  come up with your own solution on that [TS]

  one you can explain it with a good story [TS]

  isn't there could've been another good [TS]

  story there [TS]

  I I groove John I'm either wasn't but i [TS]

  think i think you know the idea of [TS]

  having I think that I willing to give [TS]

  Lucas the benefit of the doubt in that [TS]

  he intended well when he set out on this [TS]

  journey but he just massively failed in [TS]

  the execution of what you again i don't [TS]

  think it was like a money-grab like it's [TS]

  not like oh well actually we already had [TS]

  more money than completely [TS]

  self-contained story and there's no [TS]

  reason for it there was a reason it's [TS]

  not like he had 20 G's well we we just [TS]

  wrapped up everything and there's [TS]

  nothing i'll have to invent all new [TS]

  characters you didn't you didn't need [TS]

  the middle because you had Anakin he [TS]

  deserved busy you know [TS]

  and in fact there's a failure we can go [TS]

  into not inventing more people i know [TS]

  what I'm saying like it's not as if it's [TS]

  not as if there without they're gonna we [TS]

  really need to make some new Star Wars [TS]

  movies but there's really nothing more [TS]

  site now they're totally was like i mean [TS]

  i think the the three after like the [TS]

  original nine plan or whatever like the [TS]

  three after you could argue boy then [TS]

  what are you going to say but for the [TS]

  prequels there was a reason for them to [TS]

  exist and I think that's why everyone [TS]

  was so excited about them because you [TS]

  there there wasn't like this reputation [TS]

  of like oh my God we're going to be [TS]

  about of course they were going to be [TS]

  about you know Anakin Vader thing [TS]

  yeah everybody wanted to see obi-wan [TS]

  teaching Anakin because we'd heard about [TS]

  it for so long and it's the clone wars [TS]

  got to mention you could do it like [TS]

  that's open but that's that's called you [TS]

  mean that's part of the backstory of the [TS]

  of the true trilogy is it's it's it's [TS]

  the the fleshing out that you don't want [TS]

  detailed it didn't in the detailing it [TS]

  ruins it was a totally unnecessary [TS]

  venture [TS]

  well there is definitely detailing the [TS]

  ruins this i mean i think we can all [TS]

  will get to the midi-chlorian part later [TS]

  and I think we all we all agree that [TS]

  that there is detailing their the ruins [TS]

  it [TS]

  I i don't think that necessarily just by [TS]

  the idea of wanting to see this lead [TS]

  necessarily its existence of ruins it I [TS]

  still maintain that there's a good story [TS]

  they could be told here but the the way [TS]

  it was told was really bad i mean i [TS]

  think i think it's to me it's [TS]

  interesting to see we have a character [TS]

  like obi-wan it has this hubris and [TS]

  realizes that he has screwed up and try [TS]

  to train this guy who was not capable of [TS]

  training and it is interesting to us to [TS]

  see this guy who has become the mentor [TS]

  to his son like well okay how did that [TS]

  happen [TS]

  how did he screw up so badly like wasn't [TS]

  really his fault I mean and how did this [TS]

  person who is you know supposedly [TS]

  there's a whole you know the father [TS]

  issues in 7.2 how do our fathers we look [TS]

  up to in many ways end up failing us and [TS]

  and failing themselves and I think there [TS]

  is an interesting theme in that if the [TS]

  motivation was to tell that story [TS]

  why didn't they even make a glance and [TS]

  lets the question is what is why it [TS]

  doesn't you know it doesn't work because [TS]

  you've already seen it there have been [TS]

  good prequels and Lucas thought he was [TS]

  making one he's not a good storyteller [TS]

  even if you just want a pic like that [TS]

  like godfather part two where they're [TS]

  like oh do we really need to see the [TS]

  backstory the guy who died in the first [TS]

  Godfather yeah if you do it well it's [TS]

  good you know what can I don't think the [TS]

  four star wars i don't think there's any [TS]

  way that they could have possibly made [TS]

  this story that would not have [TS]

  disappointed 9400 i think i think you're [TS]

  right i think that's probably true but [TS]

  but but they managed to disappoint a [TS]

  hundred percent which is a pre-action [TS]

  exactly i I don't think feeling in the [TS]

  back story fundamentally means that [TS]

  you're going to ruin everything I i [TS]

  think that it and this could be an epic [TS]

  failure analysis if we wanted to go into [TS]

  their but you know for me I look at this [TS]

  and I think we'll first off this is a [TS]

  something conceived as three movies and [TS]

  the first movie kind of doesn't need to [TS]

  exist in a lot of ways in every way that [TS]

  the character of a mannequin in this [TS]

  movie is an important you know the stuff [TS]

  in star wars that always fascinated me [TS]

  about the back story was about you know [TS]

  a yorkie i was teaching i was training [TS]

  your father and he was a great pilot and [TS]

  then we find out in the Indian empire [TS]

  strikes back that he became Darth Vader [TS]

  and that story is really interesting [TS]

  we don't get that story in episode one [TS]

  we get the story of this little kid this [TS]

  little little kid who apparently is a [TS]

  prodigy and he and there's this other [TS]

  guy who is an obi-wan who meets him and [TS]

  it you know it's not the story you know [TS]

  at all that's the stem is example we [TS]

  were promised and not in a good way it's [TS]

  sort of like why did why does this movie [TS]

  even exist it you know a and it sets up [TS]

  and then it sets up things that they [TS]

  can't deliver on in other movies that's [TS]

  for me that's the feeling of this movie [TS]

  isnot that this movie was trying to do [TS]

  an unwinnable task i think i think it [TS]

  just it [TS]

  is misconceived and I think miss slotted [TS]

  in the in as episode 1 of a [TS]

  three-episode arc because they had [TS]

  already numbered the other ones and so [TS]

  they had to do it this way and 10 G's [TS]

  what are we going to do in the first [TS]

  movie well he'll be a little kid well [TS]

  it's not very interesting you know one [TS]

  of the things about this movie that that [TS]

  Star Wars has that this movie doesn't is [TS]

  the backstory tell me anything about [TS]

  qui-gon that happened before the first [TS]

  he had a beard he grew a beard anything [TS]

  he wants to grow a beard grew his secret [TS]

  is a long about the light saver he was [TS]

  stuck with obi-wan against his will [TS]

  there is no you did you know what the [TS]

  backstory is the backstories the crawler [TS]

  experiencing the Trade Federation [TS]

  dispute to worst worst Carla Yankee you [TS]

  know you're in for a treat when the word [TS]

  taxation appears in the first paragraph [TS]

  don't think that's cool then and then [TS]

  shipping turns up in the second [TS]

  paragraph the first 20 seconds of this [TS]

  movie you're perfect it's got the [TS]

  Lucasfilm logo it's got the the [TS]

  beginning of the music and it's got star [TS]

  wars fading into a star field and that [TS]

  if it's all downhill from there write it [TS]

  right up to the point where you see the [TS]

  fifth episode 1 the fence and then it's [TS]

  okay we're good and then it's just down [TS]

  know the thing for me that I really gave [TS]

  me the the whole tremendous suction is [TS]

  gonna get going i agree with that but [TS]

  we've all we've all come to terms with [TS]

  that to a certain extent but for me it [TS]

  was the moment I really love to the [TS]

  teaser for that first put out which has [TS]

  the Anakin introduces a shader [TS]

  silhouette and like oh yeah that's kind [TS]

  of subtle that's kinda cool i like that [TS]

  idea like that seems cool let's go with [TS]

  dad what that's going to be about that [TS]

  that is not in the movie but not even [TS]

  really addressed the final bit of [TS]

  subtlety this is this movie is sure to [TS]

  be a nuanced where where is he where is [TS]

  this kid where's the darkness in this [TS]

  kid at all [TS]

  he's angry he misses his mom does say [TS]

  you pee a lot which really just gets [TS]

  gets the bottom of your soul and scrapes [TS]

  it out [TS]

  before before we talk about the the [TS]

  excellent excellent and yes you did [TS]

  thank goodness we got that out of the [TS]

  way I wanted before I want to talk about [TS]

  anticipation for a minute just to [TS]

  explore this with everybody [TS]

  this movie was so incredibly hyped to [TS]

  the point where i remember very [TS]

  distinctly the 60 Minutes interview with [TS]

  with George Lucas I don't remember if [TS]

  you get i don't know if you guys [TS]

  remember that but that where where steve [TS]

  Kroft or somebody like breathlessly [TS]

  followed him around on the set and in [TS]

  Tunisia and things like that and I mean [TS]

  literally people were saying this is [TS]

  gonna be one of the greatest movies ever [TS]

  oh my god Star Wars back and now they've [TS]

  got all this new technology and it's [TS]

  gonna be so great [TS]

  oh my god it's gonna be so amazing like [TS]

  amazing amazing like I remember articles [TS]

  saying it's going to be up for best [TS]

  picture i kid you not so so I'm curious [TS]

  what you guys all have in terms of your [TS]

  memory of anticipating this movie maybe [TS]

  it was jinxed I i can tell you i mean i [TS]

  remember reading about it i was in [TS]

  rochester which is where my my mom's [TS]

  family lives for like Christmas or [TS]

  something and I remember buying a copy [TS]

  of the like there's a star wars magazine [TS]

  like a fan magazine or something like a [TS]

  science-fiction book shop and I remember [TS]

  opening it up and reading the casting [TS]

  information because i remember seeing [TS]

  Natalie Portman was casted I didn't [TS]

  really know who she was that point [TS]

  because that was what like 1997 probably [TS]

  again so young but he was 12 years old [TS]

  17 thank you very much [TS]

  dan can you can you imagine life before [TS]

  you-know-who natalie portman within the [TS]

  professional well I hadn't seen the [TS]

  professional because i was only said no [TS]

  that is that is a frightening time for [TS]

  their kids born today that don't fit [TS]

  they'll never know world without Natalie [TS]

  Portman and i say that is that weird [TS]

  I mean that's awesome I kind of envy [TS]

  them but i remember reading about it and [TS]

  thinking like I don't you know I I the [TS]

  thing for me that resume the most was [TS]

  talking to one of my cousin's who's a [TS]

  bit older than me and her story of [TS]

  remembering she thought she was gonna [TS]

  die before return of the jedi came out [TS]

  to leverage because he was like a [TS]

  teenager when an empire came out and she [TS]

  was like oh my god Han Solo stuck in [TS]

  carbonite and what's gonna happen and [TS]

  everything like and I just remember [TS]

  thinking like I you know I will never [TS]

  see a Star Wars movie that comes out [TS]

  again in my life [TS]

  time because it's done it's over you [TS]

  know the best I could hope for was [TS]

  reading those timothy zahn books and the [TS]

  other books that came after them and [TS]

  believe me I read all of them and so the [TS]

  idea that there would be new movies in [TS]

  my lifetime I mean I had seen the rear [TS]

  releases and at that time because you [TS]

  know 97 was around the time that they [TS]

  released the original trilogy with the [TS]

  special editions and at that time being [TS]

  a untutored unwise seventeen-year-old I [TS]

  thought that's pretty cool some of these [TS]

  effects are kind of cool and so I still [TS]

  have that hope and I think I you know I [TS]

  managed to maintain it and and ride that [TS]

  wave right up until about actually you [TS]

  know it went through the first showing I [TS]

  gotta admit because my story about this [TS]

  is that i went to a midnight showing [TS]

  with a bunch of friends and we then went [TS]

  out afterwards at like two or three [TS]

  o'clock in the morning and spent an hour [TS]

  talking about the movie and dissecting [TS]

  it and then slept for like two hours and [TS]

  then got up and went back to the movie [TS]

  theater and saw it again and it must [TS]

  have taken at least you know I don't [TS]

  know a week or two before it's really [TS]

  started to set in because like you kind [TS]

  of had the suspicions after watching it [TS]

  like huh yeah yeah maybe that wasn't so [TS]

  good but there's a sort of Stockholm [TS]

  Syndrome the kicked in and I was like [TS]

  not Star Wars got to be good [TS]

  we're probably just understanding it [TS]

  wrong you've already talked yourself [TS]

  into letting all those books I like some [TS]

  of those books you're fundamentally [TS]

  broken in some way so when can i [TS]

  transfer that to the movie [TS]

  thanks i remember i didn't see it until [TS]

  the monday after it came out and by that [TS]

  point every person i work with or no had [TS]

  seen it at least once and most of them [TS]

  two or three times you couldn't help it [TS]

  the wave of excitement just pushed [TS]

  everybody into it [TS]

  yeah I i see it is like an continuous [TS]

  continuous weight from the end of Jedi [TS]

  like I I picture that as like there's a [TS]

  little part of my brain that is waiting [TS]

  on line like it's not a Jedi and goes [TS]

  boy I you know and then says okay well [TS]

  you sit here and get in line and then [TS]

  and then how many years later was that I [TS]

  don't know it was a lot of years like [TS]

  the same look with the release of you [TS]

  know the original trilogy into theaters [TS]

  with even though they were the special [TS]

  editions and everything like that i was [TS]

  online take to be first in line to watch [TS]

  those like that's you know that that [TS]

  excitement that that marketing campaign [TS]

  really seen the original [TS]

  so the special edition despite like the [TS]

  new effects which I didn't like was [TS]

  really anti the new effects after i saw [TS]

  them and everything but it didn't matter [TS]

  i could see stars in the movie theater [TS]

  again and last time i had done that was [TS]

  you know it was Jedi and so it was just [TS]

  this incredible multi-year long wait [TS]

  like this is what my life has been [TS]

  leading up to it was like your kid you [TS]

  see Star Wars and then you wait and wait [TS]

  and wait and wait and wait and [TS]

  eventually finally this thing comes in [TS]

  when I when I put the stand movie in and [TS]

  watched it and like the the fanfare came [TS]

  up and the scroll and everything I had [TS]

  it was like it was like seeing movies of [TS]

  a car accident after being in a car [TS]

  accident I had that right like that [TS]

  feels i knew how that you have no idea [TS]

  how excited I was and it all came back [TS]

  to me is like PTSD is like i was i was [TS]

  the most amped-up I've ever been in a [TS]

  movie theater more amped up than I was [TS]

  when I saw the original trilogy because [TS]

  then you know your kid you like Oh what [TS]

  do you know maybe the beginning of Jedi [TS]

  was a little bit close to this crazy but [TS]

  I was like this is it like I've been [TS]

  waiting my whole life for this thing and [TS]

  yet and it's just I like they brought me [TS]

  back to that moment like that moment [TS]

  when the car hits you know you like I [TS]

  know you don't you know what's gonna [TS]

  hide it I didn't end of things I didn't [TS]

  think it would affect me in that way [TS]

  re seeing the movie like I thought I had [TS]

  moved on and then past or whatever but [TS]

  now it's like it because that you know [TS]

  that fanfare and that and that Lucasfilm [TS]

  thing like I've seen the original [TS]

  trilogy million times on you know on on [TS]

  DVD and everything doesn't have the same [TS]

  effect like it's just that this was so [TS]

  don't you remember that time and i [TS]

  believe i got to get tickets i was i was [TS]

  up all night and slept outside for it [TS]

  like it was it was a big thing and this [TS]

  that i would hope that in my life [TS]

  this will be the biggest letdown I've [TS]

  ever had in my entire life was Star Wars [TS]

  Episode what if we tell your children [TS]

  grow up [TS]

  uh-huh that's that's that's a good [TS]

  possibility but for now i have [TS]

  especially like it into I'm speaking for [TS]

  my parents uh in terms of like art you [TS]

  know what art is what what thing having [TS]

  to do with entertainment & arts [TS]

  disappointed you most in life that I [TS]

  feel like this is going to be a champion [TS]

  forever host prequel disappointment [TS]

  disorder is the name of what you're [TS]

  feeling [TS]

  John yeah it's [TS]

  episode one was such a weird thing for [TS]

  me because i was i was young enough that [TS]

  i must have seen it at least seven or [TS]

  eight times in theaters before I [TS]

  actually step back and went wait a [TS]

  second and I will also say that seven or [TS]

  eight times within the Union and like it [TS]

  was you know about eclipse [TS]

  it's a lot of population laps [TS]

  oh my god a bad father oh no it's funny [TS]

  though because the first you know the [TS]

  earliest thing that I can remember [TS]

  talking to people about on the internet [TS]

  was star worse you know the first BBS [TS]

  post i ever made in the first pen pal [TS]

  letters I sent over like AOL were about [TS]

  the Star Wars films and having them get [TS]

  rereleased originally the original [TS]

  film's get released in theaters in 97 [TS]

  was a dream come true for me and my best [TS]

  friend Leah because we were complete not [TS]

  like we were taking cardboard boxes and [TS]

  building x-wings out of them because we [TS]

  were such like crazy crazy star wars [TS]

  nuts so for for me to kind of be like [TS]

  not all right so the original film's [TS]

  didn't come out during my lifetime but [TS]

  they're going to be new Star Wars movies [TS]

  and these are gonna be my star wars [TS]

  movies so great and you know so I like [TS]

  do you like I was in Middle School I [TS]

  know it's embarrassing i was in middle [TS]

  school and I did not go to the midnight [TS]

  showing for this one because i think i [TS]

  was like 12 or 13 but i did my my father [TS]

  got me out of school for the very first [TS]

  date i'm showing he bought me a [TS]

  lightsaber like a new fancy lightsaber [TS]

  the head noises and we went to the [TS]

  theater and I like waited in a super [TS]

  long line and you know you just you get [TS]

  so hyped up and you get so excited [TS]

  you're like star wars star star star [TS]

  stars and then you sent me watch it and [TS]

  you're sad trombone but yeah what it was [TS]

  it's weird it's kind of a shock right [TS]

  and you see all the music and it's just [TS]

  a to wean and it's got ships that are [TS]

  familiar and it's got Jedi and it's a [TS]

  lightsaber battle for the first time and [TS]

  how long and all the trappings you're [TS]

  like wow it is its star wars it's got [TS]

  all the stuff that Star Wars has in it [TS]

  and and so that you know and and we've [TS]

  never seen more of that I mean that [TS]

  there's that just moment i can't believe [TS]

  i'm watching a new star wars movie that [TS]

  that that was a powerful moment even if [TS]

  in hindsight like damn said you were [TS]

  like huh [TS]

  taxation trade disputes it all the other [TS]

  litany of things it was like but they [TS]

  were still like lightsaber battles and [TS]

  sith lords and Jedi and their there was [TS]

  enough there's enough feeding that part [TS]

  of you that you could stay amped for a [TS]

  little while just on the residual buzz [TS]

  from it until your until your conscious [TS]

  intellectual brain starts taking over [TS]

  yet [TS]

  how long did that take incidentally take [TS]

  me the first weekend because i was i was [TS]

  convinced that I had to watch it again [TS]

  like I'm like I must have missed [TS]

  something I must be too young for some [TS]

  of these references [TS]

  yeah I didn't get a road it's me know [TS]

  you totally you blaming you like it's me [TS]

  not you [TS]

  what's going on it's it's it's Star Wars [TS]

  made by ironically somebody who doesn't [TS]

  understand what's good about study and [TS]

  never absolutely [TS]

  you're absolutely right any one of the [TS]

  things I wanted to talk about and it [TS]

  came up on Twitter when we were all [TS]

  watching this movie so many of us watch [TS]

  this on sunday and where were tweeting [TS]

  because you've got to let the pain out [TS]

  somewhere so use twitter for that [TS]

  and somebody made the point about you [TS]

  know it's a movie for kids and kids like [TS]

  it and just like the originals were four [TS]

  kids and now we're all adults and we [TS]

  have hazy water-colored but what do we [TS]

  know about kids just little kids have [TS]

  bad taste [TS]

  they're all idiots you got it but here's [TS]

  the thing is good kids movies are [TS]

  appreciated also by adults and what I [TS]

  look at these movies I and I think about [TS]

  George Lucas saying hey the kids love [TS]

  him I made them for kids i look at it [TS]

  and I think you missed the point of why [TS]

  the old movies work because they weren't [TS]

  pandering to kids kids love them but so [TS]

  did their parents and so did [TS]

  twenty-year-olds they will have whatever [TS]

  he says they weren't kids movies they [TS]

  were aimed at adults and they had [TS]

  elements that kids enjoyed but they were [TS]

  not were kids there were not six months [TS]

  to a movie is definitely not a kids [TS]

  movie [TS]

  yeah there's a difference between kids [TS]

  movies and being sophomoric I mean they [TS]

  had the heady a had a child like level [TS]

  of sophistication children's material is [TS]

  more sophisticated in this movie like a [TS]

  like if you want to put look at this in [TS]

  the moving pieces in this movie and I [TS]

  was shocked by this rewatching it like I [TS]

  went into it thinking surely there will [TS]

  be some aspects of this movie that are [TS]

  competently done like they won't be [TS]

  parts that matter and it won't save the [TS]

  movie but surely i'll go and say you [TS]

  know what that part of the movie was [TS]

  reasonable filmmaking but this just [TS]

  wasn't friendly just basic like I mean [TS]

  maybe we'll go into this in more detail [TS]

  with a certain section but like it just [TS]

  execution-wise Sesame Street is better [TS]

  any children's program made things for [TS]

  infants are better in terms of execution [TS]

  not saying like material i could see not [TS]

  only babies goes but it's like there's a [TS]

  certain level execution that you bring [TS]

  to whatever it is that you're doing what [TS]

  about what descriptive know what [TS]

  anything is [TS]

  you know just simply execute and do a [TS]

  good job and what you to end this [TS]

  well okay let's talk about that though [TS]

  the sound of the movie the score is [TS]

  excellent the sound effects are okay [TS]

  before we before we get into the Oscars [TS]

  that are awarded like before the Oscar [TS]

  show starts [TS]

  I don't see this movie and 14 years and [TS]

  i was astonished at how bad the writing [TS]

  and acting work across and worldly [TS]

  girlfriend don't write their problem [TS]

  with this movie is it is a movie with no [TS]

  soul [TS]

  it is a music it is a movie that has [TS]

  some beautiful music some beautiful [TS]

  sound effects and beautiful visual [TS]

  effects but ultimately the failure is on [TS]

  the writer and the director both legs [TS]

  and booty [TS]

  yeah but they happen to be George Lucas [TS]

  but it's so obvious especially if you [TS]

  watch the prequels hand-in-hand with the [TS]

  original trilogy you look at the banter [TS]

  between characters you look at the [TS]

  flushed you know the the backgrounds of [TS]

  characters even just their tone of voice [TS]

  there is all hardly line in this movie [TS]

  that's not delivered in a flat monotone [TS]

  yeah i was thinking back to our radio [TS]

  play episode when I was watching this [TS]

  and I'm like that render would not let [TS]

  us get away with line readings like this [TS]

  and we are not actors and we have a [TS]

  budget of zero dollars and yet i was [TS]

  thinking particularly of the many many [TS]

  places in the scripture i imagine as an [TS]

  em dash after someone's dialogue in [TS]

  another person interrupts them and they [TS]

  were couples in our radio play script [TS]

  with any style i realize it's your areas [TS]

  is it rocket science to do those right [TS]

  like you know I don't think you need to [TS]

  be well there's two possibilities either [TS]

  Lucas didn't care or he thought the [TS]

  readings were just dandy [TS]

  yeah and my best guess is that he just [TS]

  he doesn't know how people actually and [TS]

  sometimes they're doing [TS]

  sometimes they're good actors like [TS]

  Natalie department has lines and you [TS]

  know she's a good actor but she does a [TS]

  reading where she's just like you just [TS]

  came out of a trailer and you just woke [TS]

  up or something from a nap and she read [TS]

  the line and it's terrible and that's [TS]

  the one they go with I actually think [TS]

  it's worse than that John might also so [TS]

  i watch this for my kids and and they [TS]

  had some interesting observations as i [TS]

  always do you know Darth Vader's office [TS]

  is really weird [TS]

  I've got some of those there are gems in [TS]

  there James just wait but my wife came [TS]

  in she was doing something and she walks [TS]

  inches i go but this high think ya at [TS]

  amegy an observation because it was some [TS]

  scenes with natalie portman she said it [TS]

  seems to me because knowing that she's a [TS]

  good actress [TS]

  it seems to me like she was told to be [TS]

  flat that she was actually instructed [TS]

  yes don't yell vote be boring and it's [TS]

  baffling why you would do [TS]

  that other than to maybe get get closer [TS]

  to the the flatness of the the little [TS]

  boy you're acting against because [TS]

  otherwise you'll blow them out of the [TS]

  water but it's amazing and essentially [TS]

  you gotta be glad that she did go that [TS]

  route because that is our one and only [TS]

  character trait if you were to ask what [TS]

  what do you know about Queen Amidala [TS]

  that's the one thing you would say she's [TS]

  monotone she's not always monotone [TS]

  though she's more monotone as the queen [TS]

  she is the handmaiden that's because she [TS]

  is overall can clearly well yeah there [TS]

  they modulate her voice you talk about [TS]

  the characters even if you just went [TS]

  with the words on the page if Natalie [TS]

  Portman was able to give it you know a [TS]

  good reading and and show some feeling [TS]

  even with nothing else you would get the [TS]

  sense that there might be a human being [TS]

  there but even that is not there like [TS]

  it's not just that the dialogue doesn't [TS]

  let you know anything about who she is [TS]

  it's that anything that human might [TS]

  insert to make it seem more like a an [TS]

  extra dimension is fled away and it's [TS]

  just no no just read it flat just be as [TS]

  dull as flat as possible because you're [TS]

  not an interesting character not the [TS]

  parent of characters that people care [TS]

  about or anything down the road you're [TS]

  not gonna be boring and it's everybody's [TS]

  just as natalie portman it's everybody [TS]

  yeah we've seen her act so it's weird [TS]

  the interesting thing that I noticed [TS]

  while we watching this movie the latest [TS]

  time and I was looking for at this time [TS]

  everybody [TS]

  there's a there's a thing in directing [TS]

  right where when you're starting out as [TS]

  a director the one thing that you are [TS]

  told is try and avoid give younger [TS]

  actors line readings when you can [TS]

  obviously sometimes it needs to happen [TS]

  but for the majority of the time you [TS]

  shouldn't give your actors line readings [TS]

  you should let them try and find it and [TS]

  then tweak individual words individual [TS]

  sentences whatever needs tweaking when [TS]

  you watch this movie picture at all in [TS]

  George Lucas's voice and all of a sudden [TS]

  everything makes gifts complete sense in [TS]

  terms of the directing choices [TS]

  basically what happened at least from my [TS]

  perspective is that every single actor [TS]

  was given repeated line readings Jake [TS]

  Lloyd a lot of his dialogue is dubbed [TS]

  like I mean still be it still him but [TS]

  they basically went in did an ADR [TS]

  session and had had him basically they [TS]

  just dropped in pieces of lines over the [TS]

  footage that they had already done and a [TS]

  lot of this is just poor unfortunately [TS]

  poor directing on Lucas's part it's not [TS]

  even like there was there is a smidgen [TS]

  of good actor and Jake Lloyd I'm not [TS]

  afraid to say that uh but heat the way [TS]

  he was directed on this set is pitiful [TS]

  the way that all of the actors were [TS]

  directed on this set is completely [TS]

  horrifying they make Liam Neeson into a [TS]

  completely boring characters your stock [TS]

  stock wise you know he's so wise he's a [TS]

  wise figure [TS]

  oh I disagree I've i projected a whole [TS]

  backstory and inner life for quite God [TS]

  in my attempt to make this opening sense [TS]

  but should you have have you want [TS]

  anymore believe it's always it kind of [TS]

  up to the filmmaker to do the heavy [TS]

  lifting on that for you instead of her [TS]

  you want to do if you want it easy on [TS]

  you [TS]

  guess i'm just lazy that's why I viewed [TS]

  him as being kind of that stock mentor [TS]

  figure is that then i have a backstory [TS]

  that I could take off the shelf for him [TS]

  but you said it before like why does [TS]

  qui-gon exist why is he a character in [TS]

  this movie [TS]

  it sure as heck isn't because he's so [TS]

  incredibly interesting that he just has [TS]

  a story that had to be told in a [TS]

  character we can be murdered [TS]

  I propose that the entire movie is about [TS]

  the relationship between obi-wan and [TS]

  quite God and Anakin is exactly as [TS]

  important as charged are well that may [TS]

  be true but that's still miss executed [TS]

  can I just say I know their relationship [TS]

  is not going to their own what we want [TS]

  is since the system the ship only one [TS]

  needs to be the center of these [TS]

  trilogies and he is not absolutely [TS]

  because the the problem is i mean yes [TS]

  you can make a movie with a character [TS]

  with a protagonist who is if unlikable [TS]

  and essentially you know eventually evil [TS]

  you can do that i don't know if you can [TS]

  make this kind of star wars epic [TS]

  adventure doing that because i think [TS]

  that isn't that strikes me as divergent [TS]

  but if you have a character like obi-wan [TS]

  who is from most intensive purposes a [TS]

  good character if flawed [TS]

  I mean there's nothing wrong with a flaw [TS]

  i think the problem is you're asked [TS]

  eventually to identify with a guy who [TS]

  goes in like murders children right like [TS]

  that's gonna be a hard sell especially [TS]

  for a Star Wars movie which is supposed [TS]

  to be kind of adventure movie right [TS]

  so I I think that's part of the Miss on [TS]

  this is that you know we're looking [TS]

  through the one of the wrong lens and it [TS]

  doesn't make sense for us to look [TS]

  through the lens of Anakin because we [TS]

  don't see him for the first half hour of [TS]

  this movie we're not even looking [TS]

  through the ends right well that's I [TS]

  think the blanket reviews really hit the [TS]

  nail on the head with this one in that [TS]

  there really is no protagonist in this [TS]

  film [TS]

  yeah i mean that the ostensibly the [TS]

  character should be the protagonist is [TS]

  obi-wan but he's relegated to the [TS]

  background for the first half of Anakin [TS]

  doesn't even exist until then it [TS]

  happened only one doesn't get tapped [TS]

  until it's time for him to fight with my [TS]

  drivers at the end the rest of the [TS]

  movie- ones on the ship and even then [TS]

  he's sitting out like a it says on the [TS]

  ship piece like this feet up and watch [TS]

  10tv on the ship it and and like a few [TS]

  scenes he does he's he's such an [TS]

  unlikable jerk and a few seems he [TS]

  doesn't want us to pick up another [TS]

  pathetic life-form that's got me going [TS]

  out early i did not remember how much [TS]

  the the jedis are going to school so my [TS]

  I mean they got like the whole thing [TS]

  without ok charge our banks is an awful [TS]

  character we can all agree that but man [TS]

  quite aunties and treat them like a [TS]

  piece of crap like my conscience at [TS]

  everything [TS]

  oh my god like it's just it's these are [TS]

  our moral guardians no wonder the [TS]

  Republic fell into disarray and then he [TS]

  steals a child from his mother he [TS]

  doesn't make much of an effort to save [TS]

  the mother is like mac and I'm not here [TS]

  to rescue slaves he actually cheats to [TS]

  make sure he doesn't save her [TS]

  no we're not we're not here to free [TS]

  slaves I'll just this one just this one [TS]

  and then he tells the mom I'll watch out [TS]

  for him and the first thing he does is [TS]

  take him into an invasion stand over [TS]

  there that there is absolutely no reason [TS]

  for him to be it also tells the and [TS]

  again I tried to save your mom and it's [TS]

  like yeah very hard like I kind of tried [TS]

  that I really you can make that work if [TS]

  you decide like we're going to show the [TS]

  jedis are arrogant out of touch but that [TS]

  was so not communicated offhandedly [TS]

  jerks that's an example you have to like [TS]

  invent yourself and say well you could [TS]

  be saying the Jedi were decadent and [TS]

  arrogant or whatever but like it's so [TS]

  not delivered in the movie like you were [TS]

  then manufacturing your own movies just [TS]

  it's just it's just missed a misfire [TS]

  that you're looking for some reason for [TS]

  like maybe that's what they were getting [TS]

  up but now it's just it's just lazy [TS]

  oh I don't think this is what they were [TS]

  getting at but I have developed my own [TS]

  would be about five no illusion that [TS]

  it's on purpose yes [TS]

  don't know you're right you're right I [TS]

  this is a movie that makes us dream it's [TS]

  a movie that makes us dream and imagine [TS]

  a better movie i have some some tickets [TS]

  thinking of line readings i have a [TS]

  couple of particular lines because like [TS]

  we're talking about you know that bad [TS]

  ratings of dialogue but then if you look [TS]

  at what's actually on the page there are [TS]

  some some spectacular things in here [TS]

  like invasion use this this script in [TS]

  script writing courses to explain like [TS]

  what not going to do to illustrate [TS]

  principles like alright so it's a couple [TS]

  lines I broke blind the lines down [TS]

  verbatim contagious could not believe [TS]

  they were these are in a movie I early [TS]

  on [TS]

  obi-wan says if they find us they will [TS]

  crush us into tiny pieces and blast us [TS]

  into oblivion [TS]

  I think a five-year-old could write a [TS]

  better line also it's badly rhythm you [TS]

  know the the rhythm of that sentence is [TS]

  awful [TS]

  the fact is you can't say that it's just [TS]

  it's just is just terrible you know we [TS]

  got used in big dudu this time whatever [TS]

  let's just get those is a fine give will [TS]

  give charger an entire pass and just [TS]

  look at other things like we should not [TS]

  have made this bargain text and subtext [TS]

  nope it's all text in this movie it is [TS]

  all decks there is no subtext people [TS]

  just say things that they're feeling no [TS]

  i do not agree with the Jedi on this you [TS]

  must trust my judgment that's it that's [TS]

  what you got here it's like they are [TS]

  riding their writing character [TS]

  motivations out loud that's all those [TS]

  are doing you know you're right i mean [TS]

  there's also there's also no pretty much [TS]

  no humor in this movie it definitely no [TS]

  well executed there there are little of [TS]

  glamorous very very little attempted at [TS]

  least dialogue humor yeah there's an [TS]

  attempt at visitor centers attempted [TS]

  all-star comedy and slapstick what parts [TS]

  are showing but like there's very little [TS]

  in the way of wordplay or any sort of [TS]

  banter as red was saying like there's [TS]

  not much attempted in that I mean like [TS]

  the closest thing I could think of is [TS]

  there's always a bigger fish which in [TS]

  itself is really a terribly actually do [TS]

  you mind if it's another pathetic [TS]

  creature line from obi-wan I think it's [TS]

  about the the funniest thing ever but [TS]

  they reveal send this to be a jerk yeah [TS]

  I mean it doesn't it doesn't work but [TS]

  you're looking a little slave boy we [TS]

  just record you know rescue one pathetic [TS]

  creature rescue / why I think the [TS]

  podrace announcers are supposed to be [TS]

  funny ecologies I mean the heart of [TS]

  groups that's right right i mean because [TS]

  what we needed was a sports announcer in [TS]

  Star Wars true [TS]

  groups is safe I'd people Brooks in the [TS]

  Phantom Menace but you don't need funny [TS]

  dialogue when you've got the stooge bots [TS]

  and jar jar and and so no humans in this [TS]

  movie talk like humans obviously like [TS]

  they just they just speak out character [TS]

  motivations and like like bullet points [TS]

  if you didn't do an outline at last we [TS]

  will have our revenge for what yeah [TS]

  that's my least favorite line what is it [TS]

  revenge for what are ya they make him [TS]

  wear that just by being jerks know we [TS]

  can be jerks instead i kinda want to [TS]

  root for the fifth now jedi jedi need to [TS]

  get tossed man they're a little bit [TS]

  jerky the 1i the line i hate the most is [TS]

  actually Anakin's are you a name [TS]

  oh my god like that was foreshadowing [TS]

  about the next seriously and I fight [TS]

  know what I could pick up natalie [TS]

  portman with that line that the line [TS]

  that struck out to meet win and it is [TS]

  ajar line and I apologize because that's [TS]

  a real low bar but it's ex-squeeze me [TS]

  oh he's quoting yes world anyway let's [TS]

  be clear [TS]

  waitrose actually a great way to put it [TS]

  again yeah he doesn't say baking powder [TS]

  so it he didn't even better [TS]

  well I and to speak for the charger [TS]

  thing again I know this is a low bar but [TS]

  the thing for me is even if you take [TS]

  away the ridiculous part of the line [TS]

  readings a lot of his dialogue just [TS]

  doesn't make any sense [TS]

  it's incomprehensible see this is this [TS]

  is the problem that i have with with it [TS]

  when it comes to line readings and and [TS]

  bad writing but most of the line [TS]

  readings is that not just the flat [TS]

  readings but the fact that the the [TS]

  people that are responsible for all the [TS]

  exposition and explaining the whole [TS]

  Trade Federation plotline you can't [TS]

  understand a word that they say mother [TS]

  how are you racist apart from [TS]

  potentially being you know potentially [TS]

  being an offensive to a lot of people is [TS]

  o course we're being sobar through ball [TS]

  i kept thinking why don't they subtitled [TS]

  you can't understand a third of what the [TS]

  Gungan like a you like they say [TS]

  subtitled water which i think is why [TS]

  whoever was the water fan because it ran [TS]

  was saying that water was you know the [TS]

  only Greece can't be subtitled you get [TS]

  the subtitle affected the very least why [TS]

  not subtitled the whole Trade Federation [TS]

  so we won't be spared that awful accent [TS]

  and that terrible lip idea it was it was [TS]

  hard for me to realize because I [TS]

  remember people talking about it at the [TS]

  time like you know the races elements [TS]

  and potentially like and I remember [TS]

  thinking [TS]

  again there's the whole Stockholm [TS]

  Syndrome like how its star wars stores [TS]

  would be ready tonight like no no and [TS]

  then watching it this time was just like [TS]

  it was so something painful just because [TS]

  it was so it was on that like John [TS]

  saying it's unnecessary [TS]

  why why would you do that cuz water got [TS]

  subtitles so did so this job I have a [TS]

  couple moments where I thought with the [TS]

  Trade Federation that you know these [TS]

  guys would be much more effective if [TS]

  they were just people and they just [TS]

  spoken regular voices and they were you [TS]

  know bad guys yeah they were not cool [TS]

  looking [TS]

  they were not interesting there was you [TS]

  know what happened there were perhaps [TS]

  the hats were not the hots for not good [TS]

  looking at the name nute gunray's pretty [TS]

  cool well and of course they did the [TS]

  subtitle I mean and we have really [TS]

  touched on this but the i believe the [TS]

  Phantom edit which is the you know the [TS]

  mysterious re-edit of this does have all [TS]

  those scenes subtitle they basically [TS]

  just w nonsense and then subtitle them [TS]

  with totally newer you know totally new [TS]

  lines of dialogue period it turns out [TS]

  you can fix a lot of value but once you [TS]

  get rid of like once you get rid of [TS]

  their bad line rings you're still left [TS]

  with the bad lines which like we talked [TS]

  about you know the exposition radio [TS]

  network they are so many things this [TS]

  movie it's time for the expedition tried [TS]

  to speak up like it [TS]

  everyone is speaking at the position for [TS]

  no reason what could he has to complete [TS]

  two more circuits thank you [TS]

  yeah i mean like the let me explain the [TS]

  motivations of all the characters and [TS]

  what's happening in this interminable [TS]

  scene in which we will just be sitting [TS]

  in chairs and talking which is the red [TS]

  letter media things point out as big [TS]

  theme of the prequels people sitting [TS]

  still and talking about the most boring [TS]

  things you could ever possibly imagine [TS]

  all the camera also stationary shoot [TS]

  someone at a time and you just want to [TS]

  kill yourself [TS]

  should I really blast through the plot [TS]

  here and let you stop me along the way [TS]

  because I i took noticed and it's gonna [TS]

  be three hours oh I know [TS]

  oh I'll try to be quick but i but i want [TS]

  to give everybody a chance to to jump in [TS]

  with specific because I know otherwise [TS]

  we're going to jump around even more and [TS]

  we're going to miss some stuff we we [TS]

  can't leave a stone unturned we need to [TS]

  smash everything down and and and 10 [TS]

  make its all stone Jason rush into [TS]

  oblivion really left is great ash to use [TS]

  the theme of the previous episode [TS]

  alright so so we talked we talked about [TS]

  the opening credits which involve [TS]

  taxation and trade routes we should be [TS]

  exact [TS]

  really the kind of reuniting with the [TS]

  feelings that I have in childhood than I [TS]

  expected [TS]

  also trade routes makes no sense because [TS]

  everybody goes their space [TS]

  don't overthink it okay well is the [TS]

  Kessel run a trader and I was the Trade [TS]

  Federation a member of the Republic and [TS]

  why is there a senator from the Trade [TS]

  Federation [TS]

  yeah that makes no sense to me right [TS]

  also I am amused that there's a [TS]

  federation in this because it's that [TS]

  shot across the bow and star trek is [TS]

  that what that is yeah they're invading [TS]

  that planets it's a violation of the [TS]

  prime directive what is wrong with them [TS]

  on the back at bad accidents and puppet [TS]

  heads like i said i think it's a mistake [TS]

  totally unnecessary and it so the droids [TS]

  ok so there are these droids they are it [TS]

  this is another issue that I had is that [TS]

  they are these dumb you're dumb [TS]

  they're Joker's there-there there-there [TS]

  are a joke like we in there there and [TS]

  they've got guns and they're like the [TS]

  army but they're just a joke that you [TS]

  are never something that you could take [TS]

  seriously as I i think one of the kind [TS]

  of kid movie tropes of of this movie is [TS]

  that is that oh the kids love him and my [TS]

  kids thought they were funny because [TS]

  their enemies and enemies that are goofy [TS]

  and not threatening right but they're [TS]

  not at all threatening they're not [TS]

  competent and anyway they're apparently [TS]

  not network because they have to talk [TS]

  amongst themselves to discuss tactics [TS]

  that they are networks of the control [TS]

  ship so my mac has a better voice [TS]

  synthesizer why would you have this if [TS]

  you know why have an army entirely [TS]

  people out of robots that you can [TS]

  control a hundred percent if they're [TS]

  incompetent and have senses of humor [TS]

  like the there's no logic to that [TS]

  there's a scene where the Trade [TS]

  Federation guys radio down to the planet [TS]

  to talk to their leaders and I'm [TS]

  thinking okay they're talking to the [TS]

  leaders and it's these stupid droids [TS]

  were the leaders apparently they are [TS]

  those soldiers and they're the leaders [TS]

  and I thought again you know if you put [TS]

  a few like Trade Federation generals or [TS]

  something down on the planet who are [TS]

  menacing you could almost get away with [TS]

  the droids being goofy but when when the [TS]

  droids are in charge [TS]

  too-hoo it's like who are these all [TS]

  right they had no one to fight because [TS]

  that planet was empty [TS]

  yes there's nobody on the planet [TS]

  everybody was hiding under a table [TS]

  I just bothered by how long it takes the [TS]

  droids to make up their minds about [TS]

  anything [TS]

  when qui-gon and obi-wan bust out of the [TS]

  fog filled room the robot just stand [TS]

  there with laser guns wait [TS]

  yeah and then there's that scene later [TS]

  on where the robot actually specifically [TS]

  takes time to make up his mind goes uh [TS]

  well I uh you're under arrest [TS]

  now that's he's using his smartass [TS]

  algorithm there there's like that was [TS]

  that was a comedy that was an attempt at [TS]

  comedy and I was hard to push buttons [TS]

  with her gone for that those are the [TS]

  cokes and it's actually even more of a [TS]

  contrast because there are those battle [TS]

  droids that roll around and shoot things [TS]

  and have they're gonna string has [TS]

  scary-go-round experienced and capable [TS]

  and and yet they're mixed in with these [TS]

  ridiculous comic relief yeah why not [TS]

  have an army though you through it they [TS]

  said they went down the wrong tech tree [TS]

  and they ended up with millions of a [TS]

  stepmother is what we've done with [TS]

  facility somebody bought somebody lunch [TS]

  so they went with the wrong gender the [TS]

  the there is some call high as it states [TS]

  it is hard to even form the words [TS]

  there's some cool stuff in the first [TS]

  five minutes with the Jedi you know like [TS]

  they've got their lightsabers out there [TS]

  like bouncing guide see I like some of [TS]

  that sleep the lightsabers come out [TS]

  instantly John's talked about this [TS]

  before lightsabers used to be something [TS]

  exotic and cool and mysterious and here [TS]

  they're just waving it around like [TS]

  exhibitionists it's like it's like jaws [TS]

  I don't have made the exact same analogy [TS]

  but it's like the shark in Jaws they [TS]

  were originally lightsabers were not all [TS]

  over the place for technical reasons the [TS]

  same reason you didn't see the shark in [TS]

  Jaws for technical reasons stupid shark [TS]

  would work so you had to not show it and [TS]

  that turned out to be the correct the [TS]

  better artistic choice here now we don't [TS]

  have the problem sharks all time [TS]

  lightsabers going to be everywhere and [TS]

  it's where the movies worse for and I [TS]

  did have this point when watching it was [TS]

  the like the thing that got me was [TS]

  there's a part where their you know [TS]

  their reviews and lights or whatever and [TS]

  then I think I'll be one reaches over [TS]

  and like you know waves his hand in the [TS]

  trees fall down it's like if you can do [TS]

  that why would you even put a lifesaver [TS]

  just start throwing words around like [TS]

  you're done [TS]

  these guys are clearly not not able to [TS]

  hold up to that they treat the [TS]

  lightsabers like a light show to they [TS]

  swing around you that they don't just [TS]

  put it away they don't just turn it off [TS]

  they've gotta spin it three times and [TS]

  then put it back on the better their [TS]

  samurai gannett this again why the Jedi [TS]

  had to fall because they were corrupt [TS]

  nature is if i don't get so many fancy [TS]

  lights and had really fabulous flare [TS]

  no not until it was gone and then and [TS]

  then we see cuz we all grew up with the [TS]

  original movies thinking that they were [TS]

  scarce resources turns out that when [TS]

  there were lots of Jedi and lots of [TS]

  lightsabers not so cool air kinda lame [TS]

  expanded its better that general little [TS]

  Jedi goes a long ways with the fact that [TS]

  they're being so many Jedi's kind of [TS]

  leads to something that comes up a [TS]

  little bit later in the film but when [TS]

  they mentioned that Anakin could [TS]

  potentially be the with the prophecy [TS]

  that it was supposed to bring balance [TS]

  that wars yet nobody notice that the [TS]

  Jedi are thriving in the city that long [TS]

  since disappeared to the only possible [TS]

  meaning of balance restoring balance [TS]

  means the resurgence of the dark side [TS]

  but that brings up another point here [TS]

  like that the whole idea of a prophecy [TS]

  does not seem Star Wars to me [TS]

  yeah that's dumb that's dumb in itself [TS]

  you're right like that whole concept [TS]

  that there is there is a chosen one that [TS]

  there's a prophecy that that that does [TS]

  not because Luke was not the chosen one [TS]

  there's no prophecy about loose who has [TS]

  proved prophesizing what like what is [TS]

  the privacy doesn't make sense either [TS]

  because even if you ultimately brings [TS]

  balance to the force by killing you know [TS]

  the upper they're still you know what [TS]

  good Jedi left so it's going to get all [TS]

  out of whack and not the whole idea of [TS]

  balance like it's like the television [TS]

  thing with equal time you know because [TS]

  the airwaves Republican like it doesn't [TS]

  make any sense it's nonsensical and [TS]

  prophecies don't belong install myself [TS]

  time for Sith and Jedi photographs ok [TS]

  that that's the appropriate balance we [TS]

  want half murder and half not murder [TS]

  that is a proprietary only so-so episode [TS]

  1 is the republican response is what [TS]

  you're saying and they went they went [TS]

  scientific I mean they tried to explain [TS]

  away the horses midi-chlorians you know [TS]

  microscopic animals that live in our [TS]

  blood but then they go right back to [TS]

  they help with the top is the force [TS]

  which is supernatural [TS]

  what why also can i say why the virgin [TS]

  birth [TS]

  thats hanging in a certain point you [TS]

  just like so well because he couldn't [TS]

  come up with anybody that would be [TS]

  interesting enough to have is the father [TS]

  like that and not interesting is the [TS]

  characters enter and I know but now now [TS]

  the forces is is full of Christian [TS]

  symbolism is not a strange you people at [TS]

  home getting all this we already know [TS]

  that your closest is obsessed with [TS]

  Joseph Campbell's mythic stories [TS]

  structure of course he's going to put a [TS]

  virgin birth and if you can but like but [TS]

  don't even bother doing it they have it [TS]

  there is literally one line for the for [TS]

  the quote-unquote version but you can [TS]

  have an absentee father but it turns out [TS]

  that wasn't the disney movie until [TS]

  recently [TS]

  yeah well he was just that he was just a [TS]

  guy who like you know oh yeah he left us [TS]

  you know like that would make more sense [TS]

  like that no but that's the only way you [TS]

  could read it as an adult if some other [TS]

  person told you that you'd say this [TS]

  woman is in denial because some man [TS]

  knocked her up and left [TS]

  that's something that's what you would [TS]

  you relax absolutely but it doesn't it [TS]

  doesn't it or or horses or simply enough [TS]

  he could just have been a slave that was [TS]

  killed as part of you know sort of a [TS]

  poor master and then that would explain [TS]

  some of Anakin's hatred for you know the [TS]

  slaves now but that wouldn't explain why [TS]

  he's so special which frankly doesn't [TS]

  seem that bad in its Tatooine state [TS]

  yeah he's pretty happy to be a slave in [TS]

  the beginning is only when he comes back [TS]

  as a moody team he's like you know what [TS]

  slavery sucks [TS]

  he's a slave he has plenty of free time [TS]

  he has his own house he has time to [TS]

  build a robot with artificial [TS]

  intelligence that speaks every language [TS]

  and the coolest pod racer in the world [TS]

  has enough money to get the parts to [TS]

  make that robot yeah and he has like [TS]

  three different plastic highlights tix [TS]

  hanging in his room I can't like the [TS]

  props in this movie were just they just [TS]

  want the walmart and got them it's safe [TS]

  to say that and his mom are not you know [TS]

  showing off the darkest side of slavery [TS]

  building a podracer is like having your [TS]

  own formula 1 racer for a slave boy he [TS]

  has awfully silky hair and his mother [TS]

  doesn't do anything as a slave she just [TS]

  stays home and keeps house for us [TS]

  well she does she does it later in the [TS]

  movie she gets to have lines that do not [TS]

  look like a bullet points suddenly she [TS]

  becomes a fortune cookie later in the [TS]

  movie when she goes into her for fortune [TS]

  cookie line ringing work like it she [TS]

  says you have given hope to those who [TS]

  have none [TS]

  the path this path is replaced before [TS]

  you you know and we can't stop it [TS]

  anymore that we can stop the setting of [TS]

  the sounds like mom when did you become [TS]

  a fortune cookie business I were site [TS]

  the best one that she delivers to my [TS]

  mind is still the he was meant to help [TS]

  you like because if you if you want that [TS]

  in context of the scene it doesn't [TS]

  actually make any sense like it's like [TS]

  she's trying to get rid of it at that [TS]

  point like yeah yeah he's here to help [TS]

  you [TS]

  yeah he was meant to help you should [TS]

  take away you can have my son strangers [TS]

  who have come into my house please take [TS]

  me take my son and risked his life and [TS]

  from that comes out of nowhere she's [TS]

  trying to get him out of this [TS]

  horrible life of slavery which involves [TS]

  him having lots of time for hobbies not [TS]

  i mean there are so many moving parts in [TS]

  this movie like to have a movie with [TS]

  this many actual characters and it is [TS]

  very difficult to do like you can't [TS]

  that's not enough time it to our running [TS]

  time movies that have this many [TS]

  characters make them that interesting so [TS]

  you kind of have to like go usual [TS]

  suspects and have a couple of [TS]

  interesting character creates an acute [TS]

  good interactions and use your 12 line [TS]

  sparingly to make an ensemble cast type [TS]

  thing but that is a way higher degree of [TS]

  difficulty than I mean this guy couldn't [TS]

  shoot a cereal commercial or write us [TS]

  your commercial for that matter [TS]

  competently there's no way you can have [TS]

  all these characters and have all all [TS]

  the characters and they're not [TS]

  honeycombs big yeah yeah it's not small [TS]

  no no that's that too much too much ammo [TS]

  too much move it [TS]

  yeah see I I rest my case yeah faster [TS]

  and more intense it's either monotone or [TS]

  really jari and over-the-top honeycomb [TS]

  is big [TS]

  yeah yeah yeah yeah it's not small too [TS]

  much no flatten it out of town too sad [TS]

  to sad music so I asked my son about [TS]

  George are my eight-year-old son because [TS]

  you know this is that argument again we [TS]

  all hate your jarrow charger so bad let [TS]

  me tell you at having watched this movie [TS]

  I was going to see charger is not the [TS]

  worst thing hrs chart is far from the [TS]

  worst thing in this movie far far from [TS]

  the worst thing in this movie and that [TS]

  system because he's really not that good [TS]

  but I asked my son about jar jar and and [TS]

  this is what he said he said and I quote [TS]

  he's funny [TS]

  instead of excuse me he says ex-squeeze [TS]

  me nailed it [TS]

  yeah boom he's funny falls down [TS]

  he's a wacky guy well well well you can [TS]

  if you can't know why maybe 15 years [TS]

  later they would have laughed at the [TS]

  Stephanie Tanner reference that he keeps [TS]

  making how rude at least three separate [TS]

  times how would how do you know for how [TS]

  so well Steve it looks hot [TS]

  nothing along if I do like that charge [TS]

  our is at least setup is being annoying [TS]

  to even the Gungans I appreciate that [TS]

  they threw him out and exiled MTSU so [TS]

  clumsy that's the kind of thing you want [TS]

  to put your movie it's so he gets so [TS]

  much screenshot Jackie the laziest that [TS]

  so we go to the we go to the Gungan City [TS]

  and i wanted to mention this to because [TS]

  something struck me for I was watching [TS]

  it somebody threw a brick at my head [TS]

  literally struck me and now I'm in the [TS]

  original movies the places we go our [TS]

  real places with fictional bits added on [TS]

  and this was an example of a place [TS]

  that's just completely made-up it's just [TS]

  that there's an absence of place it is a [TS]

  cgi world everybody's in front of a [TS]

  green screen half the actors are not [TS]

  actually people they're CGI characters [TS]

  and it bothered me I think that's [TS]

  actually one of the ways in which this [TS]

  movie sales compared to as technically [TS]

  brilliant as it is is is like the scenes [TS]

  and later on in the end that are Italy [TS]

  that are more effective in that way but [TS]

  but this was an example like of more [TS]

  money than sense where the Gungan City [TS]

  just you know I know it's supposed to be [TS]

  spectacular or something but it was not [TS]

  just founded depressing because it was [TS]

  completely a just invented stuff and it [TS]

  was there's no there and so they're two [TS]

  different nothing there just because you [TS]

  can I i was shocked at how bad the [TS]

  green-screen things look at this movie [TS]

  because I was thinking there's another [TS]

  thing going and I was thinking well [TS]

  let's look at the effects because the [TS]

  effects are going to be really good but [TS]

  Jar Jar do not age well and in fact [TS]

  they're really a terrible they do not [TS]

  look good and the thing about the thing [TS]

  about the Gungan City particular my note [TS]

  when I saw that it's not just that it's [TS]

  a green screen there's nothing there but [TS]

  that likes what they replaced the green [TS]

  screen with looks like an empty [TS]

  soundstage just like you could have made [TS]

  anything you don't have to make it look [TS]

  like a bee soundstage there is literally [TS]

  a green screen there you could make [TS]

  something that looks interesting lived [TS]

  in like an actual city and instead what [TS]

  they filled in the green screen with was [TS]

  something that looks like an empty sound [TS]

  stage with bad props on it [TS]

  here's the thing about that is that I [TS]

  mean we have seen computer-generated [TS]

  scenery that that works for movies that [TS]

  mean because if you look at any other [TS]

  pixar movies for example that's a fake I [TS]

  mean it's alright look at look at the [TS]

  podrace for crying out loud you're not a [TS]

  real desert there those are mostly [TS]

  computer-generated everything there [TS]

  right it looks like a desert [TS]

  yeah no i agree i mean i think there's [TS]

  it's too everything's too smooth and [TS]

  clean and [TS]

  doesn't quite empty just nothing there [TS]

  like that boo is a giant putting green [TS]

  same problem [TS]

  more than that I think you know and part [TS]

  of it is the the consciousness of the [TS]

  effects failing but some of it is also [TS]

  just the it's sort of an uncanny valley [TS]

  effect of its not real right like you've [TS]

  hit that point where like yeah the [TS]

  technically there is a lot of stuff [TS]

  that's very good but the same time [TS]

  there's something missing that makes [TS]

  this inherently not there's no soul to [TS]

  it like resigning doesn't look like a [TS]

  place to hope the whole conception of [TS]

  the Gungans is wrong the fact that they [TS]

  have a land-based army but they live [TS]

  underwater they're considered primitives [TS]

  but they have a force field they live [TS]

  underwater in the air and bubble [TS]

  yeah it did you couldn't I mean the [TS]

  Jawas you see very little of them but [TS]

  they feel like real creatures the Tusken [TS]

  Raiders you see hardly anything of them [TS]

  but I could see how I can extrapolate [TS]

  back i can see they seem real [TS]

  they are there that's another thing that [TS]

  little unique there that legitimately [TS]

  made me laugh yeah that's awesome writer [TS]

  that camp that everyone a bunch of yep [TS]

  that is the probably be funny i noted [TS]

  that is the funniest point of this [TS]

  entire movie because it doesn't involve [TS]

  dialogue and be at that's what they [TS]

  would do [TS]

  yeah yeah yeah absolutely then shortly [TS]

  after that is what i think is the best [TS]

  cameo / bit of fanservice where the pod [TS]

  racer zoom past the Johnny screams yeah [TS]

  one thing I do like about Nabu is it's [TS]

  the first time in the star wars universe [TS]

  that there are two places on a planet [TS]

  yes up until now everything is either [TS]

  all desert are all ice there's two [TS]

  separately evolved intelligent races on [TS]

  the planet that doesn't happen [TS]

  well so far as we know oh that's what [TS]

  doesn't happen well and what would you [TS]

  know why do we have to go back to [TS]

  Tatooine do why is this as as my as my [TS]

  friend Tony says why is Tatooine it's [TS]

  like the busiest outer rim planet in the [TS]

  world like everybody goes through [TS]

  Tatooine [TS]

  well it's between abu and chorus but [TS]

  it's supposed to be in the middle of [TS]

  nowhere [TS]

  that's what he said a way to the capital [TS]

  you know it's along the ground know [TS]

  what's on the i-90 it all comes down to [TS]

  shipping again and again the reason that [TS]

  we know right now between is because [TS]

  because they end up there this time and [TS]

  that leads to Tatooine being important [TS]

  but you're right you're right [TS]

  um I wanted to let see we're going to [TS]

  hide Luke on his father's home planet [TS]

  never think to look there never looking [TS]

  with his uncle Julian loved mr. change [TS]

  this is Neela love the thing going [TS]

  through the planet core with all the [TS]

  fish although I have to say again why [TS]

  even call it the planet course i mean- [TS]

  course not matter that are completely [TS]

  scientifically wrong but why don't you [TS]

  just say that we have to go underwater [TS]

  for a long time what do you say we go [TS]

  through the planets core because this [TS]

  planet is so messed up that there's [TS]

  water and its core that's crazy what [TS]

  kind of planet is this [TS]

  well then why did the invasion force [TS]

  land on the opposite side of the planet [TS]

  from where they were totally going to [TS]

  invent a drive with the point of what if [TS]

  you have the point about the we need jar [TS]

  jar to get where we're going yeah and [TS]

  then the navigator [TS]

  yeah I pretended then they say like oh [TS]

  don't worry oh yeah we use the first [TS]

  story about school so why did we bring [TS]

  him and then we have to knock him out [TS]

  and why doesn't the containment shield [TS]

  around the submarine fail when the power [TS]

  fails and I'm so angry he had a backup [TS]

  why do you drive on parkways and park [TS]

  and ride with the fish fish being eaten [TS]

  by other fish my son loved it [TS]

  although again they do that joke twice [TS]

  yeah now there's nothing there's no [TS]

  reason that scene where they're under [TS]

  the water other than like it would be [TS]

  cool if there was a big fish [TS]

  okay well like what what does this have [TS]

  to do with anything that big eel thing [TS]

  is a very discerning either he eats only [TS]

  the giant fish by and discard the head [TS]

  and the rest will say that let you know [TS]

  I was thinking in these giant getting [TS]

  things i was thinking i know this is [TS]

  unfair but i do i can't help but do it [TS]

  like it compare compare these movies to [TS]

  like you know the actual star wars [TS]

  movies and you're like think about what [TS]

  happened when we had characters who [TS]

  involved who had a scene with like a big [TS]

  creature that was going to eat them [TS]

  think about what was going on with [TS]

  likely another thing in the asteroid [TS]

  right what was going on that scene where [TS]

  characters that we were invested in we [TS]

  had interpersonal attention we had plot [TS]

  tension because they were trying to know [TS]

  someone was trying to capture them and [TS]

  you also have the creature in the [TS]

  mystery and and the fun they're like 900 [TS]

  things going on that scene and just [TS]

  seeing what's going on transportation of [TS]

  characters we don't care about from [TS]

  point a table [TS]

  point a table [TS]

  point B without some minor things that [TS]

  happened like it there is no there are [TS]

  no layers to this movie there is no [TS]

  reason that seemed to be in there and [TS]

  like anytime they do anything remotely [TS]

  similar to something from one of the [TS]

  good Star Wars movies you like what like [TS]

  it just do not compare them in your mind [TS]

  because you will realize just it'll just [TS]

  make you hate this movie anymore like [TS]

  there's nothing there [TS]

  qui-gon seems bored he's read the script [TS]

  he knows how it's going to come out as [TS]

  much action as there is going on screen [TS]

  what's going on is boring I mean it's [TS]

  just set piece after set piece for the [TS]

  first up until almost where they land on [TS]

  characters are bored and there's no [TS]

  there's no tension whatsoever because no [TS]

  there's no interpersonal attention and [TS]

  there's no plot tension there's nothing [TS]

  right well we don't we don't care if the [TS]

  characters die for starters which is a [TS]

  small problem but then that even when [TS]

  it's set up that they might be [TS]

  potentially in jeopardy you've got quite [TS]

  on saying oh it won't be a problem [TS]

  well so why am I watching he's a [TS]

  strategic idiot is his whole approach to [TS]

  the movie is something will turn up [TS]

  yeah it all worked before up i would [TS]

  like to briefly because this is a good [TS]

  spot for present my thesis for a [TS]

  marginally acceptable way to view this [TS]

  movie [TS]

  alright let's hear drunk now people have [TS]

  tried that they just get really really [TS]

  angry as are throwing things at their [TS]

  televisions or they cry oh it's clear [TS]

  that quite God really has no reason to [TS]

  bring Jar Jar law he claims it's the [TS]

  navigate he's the navigator but [TS]

  immediately charged RS where we go in [TS]

  and just says add the forceful guidance [TS]

  I always thought they just felt bad [TS]

  because he was going to get X reacts [TS]

  I'll to put in jail or something so they [TS]

  just sprung him [TS]

  my theory is that quite on hates having [TS]

  obi-wan as a Padawan front of the very [TS]

  beginning of the movie the first thing [TS]

  will be one says is i have a bad feeling [TS]

  about this [TS]

  my god basically says shut up it'll be [TS]

  fine [TS]

  that's it that's a great first line for [TS]

  the heroes by the way yes it it really [TS]

  said it's probably here are you here are [TS]

  two teammates they really do have a bad [TS]

  feeling i do but we're all supposed to [TS]

  cheer right because it's a callback we [TS]

  all go whoa bad feeling about this [TS]

  it's but it's like a light sabers [TS]

  they're just dumping them onto the [TS]

  screen right now and I contend this [TS]

  movie would have been better if it had [TS]

  been made up entirely of lines from the [TS]

  original movie [TS]

  he ordered it is felt a very right way [TS]

  and the right order [TS]

  I spent many and I believe things which [TS]

  are just people sitting around saying [TS]

  live from Star Wars I don't see why we [TS]

  couldn't film that everybody within and [TS]

  as we just mentioned it you can do that [TS]

  well the Tusken Raiders routinely we're [TS]

  all like it's one second will say could [TS]

  find thumbs-up yes i smiled like you can [TS]

  it's not like we're against that it's [TS]

  like we're against callback systems [TS]

  really yup knob [TS]

  what a remarkable smell you've [TS]

  discovered yeah man I got a new project [TS]

  guys I'll see you later [TS]

  so it's basically obi-wan qui gonn [TS]

  complaining at each other and then quite [TS]

  got taking every opportunity to try to [TS]

  find somebody new to be his and probably [TS]

  just sent to separate himself to [TS]

  separate himself from obi-wan you stay [TS]

  in the ship all going right now with the [TS]

  stupid gun and with here and are the [TS]

  minute he sees him says let's bring him [TS]

  obi-wan gets mad and finds a sleep kids [TS]

  could make laureates he says let's take [TS]

  this kid is mad again at the end of the [TS]

  movie he wants Darth Maul to be as part [TS]

  of one they have the big council meeting [TS]

  and they say well nobody would take this [TS]

  kid is a Padawan he says I'll take it [TS]

  all things you've already got no no we [TS]

  got a map don't need only one he just [TS]

  shoves obi-wan decided that moment he's [TS]

  ready he's ready and obi-wan is just [TS]

  crushed and admit I'm just making all [TS]

  this up this is not a morning that is [TS]

  when obi-wan decides to kill courtyard [TS]

  and framed art more and then at the very [TS]

  end of the movie qui gonn dies in front [TS]

  of everyone's eyes and obi-wan is so sad [TS]

  that he agrees to take his hated leaving [TS]

  other which is how we now use Anakin on [TS]

  as his Padawan he doesn't very good job [TS]

  of it you know if I may suggest a reason [TS]

  why qui gonn hey Toby 1 i'm gonna guess [TS]

  it's the haircut and then and then [TS]

  you've got the irony at the end when [TS]

  when obi-wan gives Anakin the exact same [TS]

  here is passing it down deep it's the [TS]

  Padawan braid it's like the last thing [TS]

  to the omen in a way everyone must go [TS]

  through this at one point or another [TS]

  yes the haircut is just one of the [TS]

  trials when you become a dad you just [TS]

  emulate your own dad give kids the same [TS]

  stupid haircuts you had to get there is [TS]

  a very strange walmart filled all the [TS]

  Jedi here [TS]

  so it's I mean you don't you don't [TS]

  always see a rat tail and a rock and [TS]

  pony and this thing it's hard to cut [TS]

  hair with a lightsaber let me tell you [TS]

  so that's my pitch i let me offer [TS]

  another alternative theory which is that [TS]

  to Marty's because I think marty is very [TS]

  good but my theory is that qui-gon has a [TS]

  tumor in his brain and it makes the [TS]

  computer i like and want some imagined [TS]

  Jar Jar Binks was not actually real and [TS]

  everyone goes along with it because he [TS]

  pities qui-gon for his horrible [TS]

  hallucinations that he has it's possible [TS]

  we want is also a hallucination it's not [TS]

  really clear but quite i can also be [TS]

  drunk the whole movie that's another [TS]

  possible interpretation because he does [TS]

  seem like that the complacency about [TS]

  everything work are high [TS]

  everything will work out on not problem [TS]

  don't worry about it would be good [TS]

  he tries to get my mind trick on water [TS]

  doesn't warm and he's drunk [TS]

  I just got an image in my head of Jeff [TS]

  Bridges playing quite yeah man that [TS]

  movie would have been great same robe [TS]

  yeah exactly it's not that hard he's got [TS]

  the beard you know this was a valued [TS]

  robe they never show quite God's feet [TS]

  maybe it's some sandals down there that [TS]

  lightsaber really held his room together [TS]

  yeah really help the room together so so [TS]

  that's my pitch for a way to pretend [TS]

  there's a protagonist of the movie and [TS]

  it's not quite so bad to wait what who [TS]

  is the protagonist in that obi-wan it's [TS]

  obi-wan story it's about how open one [TS]

  hates his master and his master dies we [TS]

  make a rash decision and takes on this [TS]

  kid who should not be a Jedi god he [TS]

  hates it he hates me he hates him so [TS]

  much that as the protagonist he decides [TS]

  to go sulk in the spaceship for his bday [TS]

  is the secret protagonist that does [TS]

  nothing anybody anybody likes that's [TS]

  right who is an onscreen for more than [TS]

  about 10 minutes you guys realize we're [TS]

  only up to the battle droids at the [TS]

  beginning of the movie that's right [TS]

  folks your friends at the incomparable [TS]

  have spent an entire episode and barely [TS]

  gotten five minutes into star wars [TS]

  episode one [TS]

  how long is it gonna take us to get [TS]

  through this all the answers only one [TS]

  more episode only one more hour we [TS]

  promise that we'll be in our next [TS]

  episode [TS]

  until then I'd like to thank my guests [TS]

  Steve let's John siracusa Monty actually [TS]

  Dan more'n serenity Caldwell and Greg [TS]

  moss [TS]

  join us next time to find out if we [TS]

  liked or didn't like the Phantom Menace [TS]

  the jury still out right [TS]

  until then this is jason l signing off [TS]

  thanks for listening [TS]