Roderick on the Line

Ep. 271: "Butterfly Ninja Girl"

 

  being in the manger and the little [TS]

  drummer boy and all this spook yeah and [TS]

  the permission to acknowledge holidays [TS]

  and generate season in general but [TS]

  Christmas in particular the permission [TS]

  to acknowledge that as something that [TS]

  could be as far as depressing but could [TS]

  very much at least be anxious and as you [TS]

  say spooky I mean you know I'm sure that [TS]

  existed before Charlie Brown Christmas [TS]

  but I still feel like even in the 70s it [TS]

  wasn't something where you were like it [TS]

  was not encouraged for you to go like oh [TS]

  this is kind of a weirdly reflective [TS]

  time when I think about loss or I think [TS]

  about you know what I mean even even [TS]

  though there's so much to the whole [TS]

  Christmas story that's really like whoa [TS]

  like yeah odd about a wedlock birth and [TS]

  they got to sleep in a barn and like and [TS]

  it's weird what do you do with myrrh [TS]

  anyway and there's just a lot about it [TS]

  that's very lonesome it is lonesome and [TS]

  in the 70s in particular it was still [TS]

  very very much a thing where not only [TS]

  all three of the television stations but [TS]

  also public television and also all [TS]

  media everywhere plus all government [TS]

  buildings it was it was generally [TS]

  accepted that it then everybody was like [TS]

  oh we didn't have as many funny songs [TS]

  this is before a wonderful christmastime [TS]

  you take like before the lady didn't [TS]

  have father Christmas and you might have [TS]

  had you had like Rudolph the red-nosed [TS]

  reindeer [TS]

  you had the bench boys you had the [TS]

  Jackson 5 apart from that it was there [TS]

  were more like hymns it was more like it [TS]

  was much more dolorous it was Lawson's [TS]

  but when you think about those holidays [TS]

  the religious ones in particular Eastern [TS]

  and and Christmas but also Halloween [TS]

  they are the only times of the year when [TS]

  everybody all the adults - were [TS]

  acknowledging that there was a [TS]

  supernatural world the only times of the [TS]

  year where grown-ups would say well you [TS]

  know in the middle of the night spooky [TS]

  things happen people who are [TS]

  dead rise and people uh you know and you [TS]

  can follow a star and it will carry you [TS]

  around the world to find him [TS]

  like a poor baby who's living with some [TS]

  there might be a poor baby somewhere [TS]

  that I should say has anyone seems [TS]

  really poor baby baby and then it's like [TS]

  but that baby is actually God was making [TS]

  himself a poor baby just fuck with [TS]

  everybody mine to see to see if you'll [TS]

  let him sleep in that in the hotel but [TS]

  if you don't know in a Disney film yeah [TS]

  right right [TS]

  secret God that you you better be nice [TS]

  to all the poor babies that's right one [TS]

  of the maybe God know you would think [TS]

  that poor baby God would destroy hotel [TS]

  e'er that made him sleep in garage no no [TS]

  no poor baby God forgives and all this [TS]

  now if it's right for now Christmas to [TS]

  the quickening when he comes back at the [TS]

  fire and the Holy Ghost he's riding a [TS]

  t-rex and then at Halloween of course [TS]

  you're just like nothing a fucking [TS]

  Headless Horseman is gonna baby ride so [TS]

  anyway those are the three times a year [TS]

  and we used to sit in the living room [TS]

  and I was just like just totally spooked [TS]

  like there's a tree full of flashing [TS]

  fairies and there's like a poor baby [TS]

  somewhere maybe still around and a [TS]

  little boy is trying to sell matches but [TS]

  he dies or no that's a little MatchGirl [TS]

  unless it's a girl that dies of freezing [TS]

  because no one will buy her matches who [TS]

  ever bought a match yeah but this is the [TS]

  thing if you see a little girl so who's [TS]

  like the whole idea that there would be [TS]

  a little girl alone on Christmas selling [TS]

  matches to get enough money to buy heat [TS]

  and she's dies yeah it was it was this [TS]

  whole time of year where I was just like [TS]

  I'm just you know just waiting for the [TS]

  next story where it's like oh did you [TS]

  hear about the [TS]

  skeleton yeah yeah whose son that can't [TS]

  walk died because he just didn't spend [TS]

  enough money on your business oh sure [TS]

  ghosts will sometimes come and take you [TS]

  time travel [TS]

  yes time travel ghosts yeah [TS]

  time-traveling ghosts will also [TS]

  sometimes come and show you how what a [TS]

  fuck you are [TS]

  yes so I don't know about any of those [TS]

  traditions we don't have them anymore we [TS]

  just have filbert's and Welsh rarebits [TS]

  we also we like to give my wife [TS]

  inappropriate things this started a long [TS]

  time ago let's see what I'm trying to [TS]

  give some of our dumb traditions we got [TS]

  that like obvious the you know sort of [TS]

  well-known traditions you're allowed to [TS]

  open one small to medium-sized gift on [TS]

  Christmas Eve that's something we my [TS]

  sister instituted that I think that's a [TS]

  good program [TS]

  I like that program but no but that you [TS]

  don't slide there's no like there's no [TS]

  sliding on that there's also oh yes so [TS]

  we always give my wife something [TS]

  inappropriate in her stocking for years [TS]

  it was an action figure of Chewbacca [TS]

  like different like Star Wars figure or [TS]

  we recently got a Rick from The Walking [TS]

  Dead [TS]

  oh we have another Walking Dead a [TS]

  tradition which is we hang our Marlon [TS]

  Brando Christmas ornament right next to [TS]

  our oh geez what's his name Daryl the [TS]

  guy with the crossbow and Daryl is [TS]

  usually standing on an orange with this [TS]

  crossbow pointed at the Godfather [TS]

  it is Marlon Brando in The Walking Dead [TS]

  I didn't know no no he's in The [TS]

  Godfather but we have a Godfather we've [TS]

  got a Godfather ornament from hallmark [TS]

  and we have a Daryl from The Walking [TS]

  Dead ornament full wall I see so then so [TS]

  it's a little it's a trick that's [TS]

  happening inside the tree it's kind of [TS]

  like Christmas fan fiction it's the most [TS]

  wonderful time of the year but the [TS]

  orange this voice is coming from inside [TS]

  the tree yeah like your daughter knows [TS]

  about dark Vader like my daughter knows [TS]

  about oranges in The Godfather you know [TS]

  even though she's never seen it what [TS]

  else do we do we usually make cinnamon [TS]

  buns from a tube on Sunday morning well [TS]

  sometimes take a walk Christmas walk I [TS]

  think the thing is that it's it's my [TS]

  favorite ones are the ones we almost [TS]

  forget about until it's time [TS]

  you know what I mean where it's not like [TS]

  oh it's time to check out you know [TS]

  grandpa's ashes and put lights on them [TS]

  we don't have that big things like that [TS]

  but I like the little dumb things that a [TS]

  family gets you know it's so many [TS]

  rituals and things that I would be too [TS]

  silly to even mention on air but like [TS]

  little things that you do that are just [TS]

  like your little family thing that's [TS]

  like that's my favorite thing when I was [TS]

  in high school at a certain point I [TS]

  found at the goodwill a plaid [TS]

  three-piece suit a wool plaid [TS]

  three-piece suit and it was a bright red [TS]

  plaid Wow like I don't know who had that [TS]

  suit made or when they thought they were [TS]

  gonna wear it but it was a human pure [TS]

  beautiful suit made out of what what I [TS]

  can only imagine was like the kind of [TS]

  wool you would use to make a kilt mm-hmm [TS]

  but it was a three-piece suit and it fit [TS]

  me when I was when I was a teenager so [TS]

  we had a Christmas tradition where on [TS]

  Christmas Eve day we would bake all day [TS]

  cookies fudge cookies more cookies [TS]

  different kinds of cookies and then we [TS]

  would make two dozen plates of cookies [TS]

  and then I would put on my plaid suit [TS]

  and I would walk around the neighborhood [TS]

  and I would give cookies to all the [TS]

  neighbors that's so nice do you sing my [TS]

  family is not a singing family and I [TS]

  don't want to force it but I'm a singing [TS]

  guy and if I would have so much more [TS]

  singing in the family if I could get [TS]

  them into it do you do much singing my [TS]

  mom wants us to sing and she really [TS]

  loves all the Methodist hymns and the [TS]

  Methodist hymns that my mom loves are [TS]

  again Dickensian they're all just like [TS]

  Christmas skeleton arrived don't get [TS]

  upset [TS]

  that's right that's one of the great [TS]

  method Methodist hymns yeah they're all [TS]

  they're droney [TS]

  and they're up there like obtuse and [TS]

  they all are very holy holy holy and she [TS]

  wants to hear them but she doesn't [TS]

  herself sing and she and we have these [TS]

  hymnals that she that she'll hand me and [TS]

  be like you know come on lead us in you [TS]

  know in the hymns [TS]

  this should be your Welsh rarebit for [TS]

  her but I don't know the hymns you [TS]

  really quite can't you know no it [TS]

  requires that you just sing along oh [TS]

  that's not a bit of a spotify Methodist [TS]

  hymn channel I'm sure they have that's [TS]

  not a bad idea well so she used to just [TS]

  kind of go toddle off to the Methodist [TS]

  Church and listen to them sing the hymns [TS]

  but you're right I should get this I [TS]

  should go on my Sonos and just have [TS]

  Methodist hymnals playing you couldn't [TS]

  you know what this is the real talk this [TS]

  is this is something you could do that [TS]

  would not be very difficult and luckily [TS]

  she won't hear this until the show comes [TS]

  out and you'll already have done this [TS]

  for her on Christmas Eve you should go [TS]

  figure out what her favorite is and [TS]

  learn it on piano and sing it for her [TS]

  that is a wonderful idea except I think [TS]

  these hymns all have like 350 uh weird [TS]

  like medieval chords I'm not sure ride [TS]

  I've never tried but you know I'm not [TS]

  like four chords alright that's a good [TS]

  idea [TS]

  I went to my daughter my daughter has [TS]

  been I don't like to talk about this [TS]

  publicly my daughter has been taking [TS]

  ukulele this term and today the I want [TS]

  to you clearly share out so you can [TS]

  assure you lately cher out and that's [TS]

  when so you have cher out sometimes a [TS]

  class will come and do something and she [TS]

  and her class got up and played Rudolph [TS]

  the red-nosed reindeer and sang it and [TS]

  it was a perfect delight children [TS]

  singing and terribly terribly playing [TS]

  ukuleles was absolutely amazing it was [TS]

  oh [TS]

  music music gets into your brainstem I'm [TS]

  saying I'm just saying you could fake [TS]

  your way through it and she would [TS]

  appreciate the effort it really does [TS]

  he just went to our little girls [TS]

  Christmas concert because she is in a [TS]

  little girl's choir that she goes to all [TS]

  year [TS]

  little girl choirs but they have work on [TS]

  her they work on a Christmas pageant and [TS]

  it was so it was actually surprisingly [TS]

  lovely to see this little girl choir in [TS]

  which there are five little girls from [TS]

  you know five little Asian girls two [TS]

  little girls from Pakistan a couple of [TS]

  African American girls and they're all [TS]

  singing oh Hanukkah Wow and and they [TS]

  love oh Hanukkah they get to you know [TS]

  spin the dreidel they're all just loving [TS]

  the song and they and Marlo asked me the [TS]

  other day why don't we celebrate [TS]

  Hanukkah and I said you know we can [TS]

  celebrate Hanukkah if you if you like [TS]

  Hanukkah is just as meaningful to us as [TS]

  Christmas is really I mean it's not as [TS]

  spooky but there still is some [TS]

  spookiness like why do the lamps stay [TS]

  lit that is really a small one to base a [TS]

  holiday on it's yeah it's like fighting [TS]

  a quarter in your couch or a pack of [TS]

  cigarettes you forgot about its in its [TS]

  way it was only one day's worth of oil [TS]

  brand-building of the religion I mean [TS]

  it's not quite like but they've already [TS]

  got kind of a bad rap you know for being [TS]

  a little bit tight with a buck and you [TS]

  know being able to like just make the [TS]

  oil last longer not a good look it's not [TS]

  as it's certainly not as exciting as [TS]

  like poor baby born in the garage you [TS]

  know the problem is there's a lot of [TS]

  pressure on Hanukkah Hanukkah is not a [TS]

  major holiday in that face and it's not [TS]

  compete with the the real banger of [TS]

  Christmas it's rough it does and [TS]

  Christmas is a banger but [TS]

  you know they they they that's like a [TS]

  holiday the kind of out does it cuz it's [TS]

  like will you get a present every day [TS]

  for like long days Kwanzaa is kind of [TS]

  like Esperanto right isn't it's like a [TS]

  good idea it started as a good idea and [TS]

  then but it's got some nice concepts to [TS]

  it but do you know much about Kwanzaa [TS]

  most of what I know about Kwan's I've [TS]

  learned from things my daughter had to [TS]

  draw at school I feel like it is a it is [TS]

  a holiday that derives from the Afro [TS]

  centrosome movement and it reflects yeah [TS]

  kind of a general but it's like isn't it [TS]

  based on like each day is a different [TS]

  kind of like value oh so it's like the [TS]

  Stations of the Cross kind of maybe [TS]

  Kwanzaa with three guys don't know about [TS]

  it Oh they've got candles to look at [TS]

  that they're Kwanzaa it feels like if it [TS]

  feels like because of the the [TS]

  contemporary sense of not wanting to [TS]

  commit a cultural appropriation yes that [TS]

  there would be no way for for us to like [TS]

  multiculturally celebrate Kwanzaa if she [TS]

  came home and said why don't we [TS]

  celebrate Kwanzaa like I think I could [TS]

  say about Hanukkah like yeah let's [TS]

  celebrate Hanukkah like sure but I don't [TS]

  think I could say because it's very [TS]

  complicated this idea of cultural [TS]

  appropriation because of course it's all [TS]

  everything that makes up American [TS]

  culture is culturally Kwanzaa is very [TS]

  high concept I'm not going to attempt to [TS]

  read these in the original words but the [TS]

  English translation so seven principles [TS]

  of Kwanzaa unity self-determination each [TS]

  day is a different quality or principle [TS]

  unity self-determination collective work [TS]

  and responsibility cooperative economics [TS]

  purpose creativity and faith instead of [TS]

  the only thing the only thing missing is [TS]

  mm-hmm have a special bag that daddy [TS]

  bought you that you carry everywhere [TS]

  there are extra me for a dollar oh [TS]

  that's the that's the real tradition [TS]

  extra me for a dollar I believe in every [TS]

  single one of those Kwanzaa principles [TS]

  and I feel like I [TS]

  could integrate them into my daily life [TS]

  and into our holiday celebration because [TS]

  they're all wonderful even the [TS]

  collective economics which I know is you [TS]

  know that scary economics to build and [TS]

  maintain our own stores shops and other [TS]

  businesses and to profit from them [TS]

  together you're talking about like guys [TS]

  talking about indie rock well you are [TS]

  but then but then the language our own [TS]

  again that seems like a thing that's is [TS]

  a little bit separatist mmm [TS]

  like hard to know exactly our own versus [TS]

  whom's I didn't know if there's more ein [TS]

  Rand your I see what you're saying okay [TS]

  alright yeah so I don't know I mean I'm [TS]

  very very I do not know what to do about [TS]

  mallanna costume because we were again [TS]

  at a thrift store and we were at a [TS]

  thrift store in Bremerton Washington [TS]

  which is like the Navy base town and my [TS]

  daughter found one of those sort of it's [TS]

  it's a little like brocade Chinese girl [TS]

  dress and she found this you know she [TS]

  found this beautiful garment and to her [TS]

  it just seemed like this beautiful thing [TS]

  and then at the same store she found a [TS]

  Japanese paper umbrella oh and she also [TS]

  thought that this was beautiful and she [TS]

  did not she didn't understand that they [TS]

  were Asian and she's she's under she's [TS]

  clear about the the fact that there are [TS]

  that there is China right she is very [TS]

  curious about China but these are [TS]

  beautiful items right they're just [TS]

  beautiful things Turner they don't have [TS]

  their fancy their fancy so she wants to [TS]

  buy these things and she wants to put on [TS]

  the and she sees an association between [TS]

  them they're both fancy and she she sees [TS]

  an association so here she is in her [TS]

  little Chinese brocade dress with her [TS]

  Japanese paper umbrella and I'm standing [TS]

  there going I'm not sure what to do now [TS]

  so I took a picture of it and I sent it [TS]

  to Jessie thorne [TS]

  and I said Jesse thorn what do you do [TS]

  here [TS]

  and Jesse wrote back thoughtfully and [TS]

  said I you know like in order to like it [TS]

  is cultural appropriation that you're [TS]

  that you are traipsing into I think you [TS]

  either thing is fine but you cannot have [TS]

  them both and I say to the child to [TS]

  explain that you cannot you cannot [TS]

  explain it I bought her both things and [TS]

  there's something here you should feel [TS]

  bad about but I'm not sure if I should [TS]

  tell you why no I said said you can't [TS]

  take the parasol outside it's not a [TS]

  functional umbrella how you lied that's [TS]

  good [TS]

  well it's not a functional umbrella no [TS]

  that's true that's true [TS]

  that's know is really underrated [TS]

  sometimes there's a lot of lies well [TS]

  sometimes you have appeal to Authority [TS]

  and lie and you have to know when to [TS]

  deploy those mm-hmm in my case I there [TS]

  is no reason to burden her mind with the [TS]

  whole idea of cultural appropriation [TS]

  because I feel like it is a fashion [TS]

  rather than a truth right and by the [TS]

  time she is 15 there will be some other [TS]

  things that that people who want to be [TS]

  upset it will be upset about and [TS]

  cultural appropriation will go back to [TS]

  being an American tradition rather than [TS]

  a thing to be mad about [TS]

  but right now Milana is extremely [TS]

  popular with her she thinks it's an [TS]

  amazing movie very good movie and she [TS]

  wants a Moana dress and I have I know [TS]

  for I know from the fact that I am [TS]

  sometimes on the internet that this is [TS]

  very controversial it's a problem and [TS]

  it's very problem on a costume because [TS]

  to wear a Moana costume is to I don't [TS]

  know what it's just something for [TS]

  intersectionality here though is this [TS]

  something we need to I feel like but I [TS]

  mean there's a buts of the story of [TS]

  Moana that goes beyond that particular [TS]

  culture and your dressing up mostly as [TS]

  the confident girl right this is very [TS]

  complex right because we because Moana [TS]

  is [TS]

  you know is a wonderful example of [TS]

  singer she's fantastic [TS]

  she picks like this a fantastic movie [TS]

  but it's all and it's also wonderful as [TS]

  an example of representation right there [TS]

  all these beautiful stories of finally [TS]

  the rock got a role well thank God he [TS]

  was God bless us every [TS]

  was God bless us every [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  hello hi John [TS]

  Merry Christmas Merlin Merry Christmas [TS]

  John you got all your holiday shopping [TS]

  done oh you know this was the first year [TS]

  where I yes at least for at least for my [TS]

  little girl [TS]

  I started stockpiling Christmas presents [TS]

  a long time ago oh I have an anecdote [TS]

  John let's just say what we got to say [TS]

  this is our very very special annual we [TS]

  never miss we look forward to this all [TS]

  year this is our very very special [TS]

  Christmas Day episode it really is it [TS]

  really is fun and you guys should go [TS]

  back and listen to all the Christmas [TS]

  episode Christmas episodes straight with [TS]

  our listeners that yeah you miss a drop [TS]

  of this goodness [TS]

  so we're pre recording the episodes that [TS]

  will run on Christmas Day and New Year's [TS]

  Day and so you know we'll have these [TS]

  ready to post so if anything happens if [TS]

  there's any kind of I know you and Ken [TS]

  are working on what to do in the event [TS]

  of an apocalypse mmm so hopefully these [TS]

  will live on beyond this but if it seems [TS]

  a little strange is cuz we're recording [TS]

  them a little early we recorded these in [TS]

  June and you know my gosh it's so hot [TS]

  yeah okay I had reason to go to a retail [TS]

  store I want to say it was probably [TS]

  maybe before Thanksgiving but physically [TS]

  I will say was right after Thanksgiving [TS]

  I think was before Thanksgiving I went [TS]

  in I was greeted by someone in the story [TS]

  you know what that person said to me not [TS]

  this thing they said y'all don't like [TS]

  your Christmas shopping mm-hmm y'all [TS]

  done with your Christmas your Christmas [TS]

  shopping I hope no one told you to say [TS]

  that cuz that's a horrible thing to say [TS]

  to someone no official especially then [TS]

  hey I mean like as we record this in [TS]

  June um no I'm kind of just really [TS]

  getting into the into the swing of it [TS]

  now baby are you are you being straight [TS]

  up how are you have you been thinking [TS]

  ahead about your little girls Christmas [TS]

  well yeah and I think it started back it [TS]

  started back around Halloween well [TS]

  actually they Ino I think so I made the [TS]

  mistake [TS]

  of celebrating her half birthday when [TS]

  she was three years old it's like you've [TS]

  created a precedent there I did and her [TS]

  half birthday as has since become just [TS]

  as if not more important than her real [TS]

  birthday she knows she's gonna celebrate [TS]

  her real date birthday but she really [TS]

  feels like she needs to assert her half [TS]

  birthday and so right around her half [TS]

  birthday I think I ordered her sweet [TS]

  gesture but you have no idea what is [TS]

  going to his staying power with a child [TS]

  like sprouts or something it could be [TS]

  the one time we decided we'll go out to [TS]

  dinner for your happy birthday now and [TS]

  now that's her official Jubilee [TS]

  coronation it really is and she's like [TS]

  half birthdays are strawberry cupcakes [TS]

  she's like she started talking about the [TS]

  theme of her half birthday I'm like the [TS]

  theme she's like I want it to be a [TS]

  superhero theme I was like the theme of [TS]

  your half-birthday nuts but so right [TS]

  around your half birthday I ordered her [TS]

  several pairs I have a I have a close [TS]

  friend who wears toe socks [TS]

  uh-huh but you wear under shoes but over [TS]

  feet yeah she wears she has these cute [TS]

  little toe socks that are I think made [TS]

  in Japan I don't know some they're very [TS]

  cute my wife wasn't for running cuz you [TS]

  get fewer blisters and stuff that's what [TS]

  they're meant for I'm so cute and cozy [TS]

  they're cute and cozy and and my pal I [TS]

  don't think wears him for running but [TS]

  she wears them for love like I don't [TS]

  know what climbing walls I don't know [TS]

  but at one point Marlowe I'm sorry at [TS]

  one point yeah Marlowe everybody knows [TS]

  her not being able to control John's [TS]

  mouth pretty long time ago that's the [TS]

  kind of tweet I'm looking forward to [TS]

  getting on Christmas Day [TS]

  another program I do we call him Gary [TS]

  the privacy concern clown and he's the [TS]

  concern troll who shows up in your men [TS]

  cheese to say that you can see the [TS]

  reflection of your address in the [TS]

  toaster you must guess a lot with the [TS]

  Instagram I do that can of corn is only [TS]

  available at this one particular store [TS]

  near your house somebody say the other [TS]

  day they were like oh bad [TS]

  OPSEC sir dad ops yeah that's a bit yeah [TS]

  that's good because I posted a picture [TS]

  of an envelope that if you used like the [TS]

  same technology that they use to look [TS]

  under girls shirts you know laying some [TS]

  kind of some kind of Photoshop [TS]

  technology is this the photo of your [TS]

  diploma shaped envelope yeah my diploma [TS]

  and someone said I can see the address [TS]

  but haha it's actually the address of my [TS]

  mom's old house oh-ho-ho now talk to the [TS]

  current tenant and scrape some DNA off [TS]

  the pillars and stuff distinct beard [TS]

  hair here you know unfortunately [TS]

  unfortunately OPSEC people my mom when [TS]

  she sold that house basically converted [TS]

  it into a new house because she was [TS]

  because she's my mom and she was like [TS]

  well I can't sell a house to somebody if [TS]

  the base boards need to be recaulk [TS]

  getaway driver wiping off the wheel but [TS]

  for a house Oh insane I mean you see so [TS]

  many houses where it's like where people [TS]

  are the photographs at that the real [TS]

  estate listings they have like Real [TS]

  Dolls sitting on the furniture I mean [TS]

  their houses for sale where it's really [TS]

  gross and she's in there she spent two [TS]

  and a half months she and Peter in there [TS]

  like scraping and paintin time Wow [TS]

  scraping and paintin anyway so so she's [TS]

  ho socks [TS]

  we found a toe sock and she was like I [TS]

  love this where's the other one and I [TS]

  was like I don't know I don't know how [TS]

  you find one toe sock floating around [TS]

  house and so she had this one toe sock [TS]

  and then about I don't know a monthly [TS]

  another differently colored toe sock [TS]

  showed up at which point I couldn't find [TS]

  the first toe sock and I was like I was [TS]

  very confused there was a pink toe sock [TS]

  there was a blue toe sign and I'm and [TS]

  and and she was confused we were both [TS]

  very confused like I know the other I [TS]

  know the other one was pink I know the [TS]

  other one was a left-hand foot but now [TS]

  that I found this blue one I'm [TS]

  questioning everything oh man [TS]

  and so yes leaning it was it felt like [TS]

  that but then it took me several months [TS]

  I guess to figure out oh my friend who [TS]

  wears toe socks also has a individual [TS]

  affectation where she wears one shoe of [TS]

  one color and the other shoe of it oh [TS]

  that's fun it's a lot of fun and I [TS]

  didn't realize it extended to socks but [TS]

  in fact it did so I was able finally to [TS]

  find both and combine them into one off [TS]

  set of toe socks but my daughter is not [TS]

  into that she does not want her socks to [TS]

  be unmatched she wants them to be [TS]

  matching mm-hmm so I ordered her a bunch [TS]

  of matchi toe socks for her half [TS]

  birthday but because of the miracles [TS]

  that are entwined in the Prime [TS]

  membership at Amazon they did not arrive [TS]

  in time oh no but I but I'm not somebody [TS]

  that's like you're gonna get a big [TS]

  present on your half-birthday I just [TS]

  they didn't come and I was like well [TS]

  they didn't come so I had them and I'm [TS]

  like I don't want to be you know I've [TS]

  already established a half birthday [TS]

  problem I don't want to be the dad that [TS]

  is trickling presents out I'm trickling [TS]

  half birthday presents out a week later [TS]

  right that's another doesn't that [TS]

  precedent yeah [TS]

  or like our Midwestern thing we're like [TS]

  it whenever you make anybody you have [TS]

  somebody over for dinner or something [TS]

  like that like it's it's not I still do [TS]

  this where I'm like apologizing through [TS]

  the meal for things I didn't do or I [TS]

  wanted to do differently [TS]

  and it's like you know the things you [TS]

  don't stop for a minute and going well [TS]

  first of all that's not fun for the [TS]

  people who ride so they don't know and [TS]

  it makes it about you for no reason and [TS]

  now you're creating this expectation we [TS]

  like oh god what's next [TS]

  you know that's oh you're smart so you [TS]

  caught yourself on the second one that's [TS]

  good I I did and so I put thee now you [TS]

  know one day it's that one day there is [TS]

  a 1% chance that she will listen to [TS]

  these shows certainly a less than 1% [TS]

  chance that she will listen to these [TS]

  shows all the way through to the [TS]

  Christmas episode they have an AI or [TS]

  some machine that she can quit right so [TS]

  I'm gonna give it away that what I did [TS]

  with the toe socks is I put them over [TS]

  the refrigerator in the cupboard over [TS]

  the refrigerator nice and that that's [TS]

  where I think a lot of presents went [TS]

  when I was a kid that's where my dad [TS]

  kept his pistol you know the thing over [TS]

  the refrigerator it's just like that's [TS]

  the hardest thing that's the hardest [TS]

  place in the house to get to if you're a [TS]

  little kid so the toe socks went up [TS]

  there and then Halloween came and right [TS]

  right immediately after Halloween [TS]

  because we went through all this thing [TS]

  for three months she's like I want to be [TS]

  this I want to be mulana and I was like [TS]

  well and then she changed it and she was [TS]

  like I want to be ninja Moana and I'm [TS]

  like fine I'm trying to think of all the [TS]

  parts I need to get for that and then [TS]

  she's like I want to be ninja Moana from [TS]

  frozen Oh working on it working on it [TS]

  and then at the very last minute she's [TS]

  like I want to be a butterfly and I'm [TS]

  like okay change changing course and [TS]

  then she's like I want to be a ninja [TS]

  butterfly from the water huh like you [TS]

  know and so we got her together for [TS]

  Halloween she had like three different [TS]

  events to go to and she had five [TS]

  different costumes because she likes to [TS]

  change costumes halfway through and then [TS]

  two days later she says I got invited to [TS]

  a superhero party and I want to be [TS]

  Supergirl I was like fine and she said [TS]

  it's today [TS]

  or tomorrow like tomorrow that's that's [TS]

  pretty short notice for a Supergirl [TS]

  outfit so I went on my Amazon Prime [TS]

  because I still I haven't been a prime [TS]

  subscriber for very long I know you have [TS]

  for a long time but I still have this [TS]

  fantasy has become like a habit too you [TS]

  know and I still have a sense of like [TS]

  well if you order it on prime it shows [TS]

  up immediately somebody comes on a drone [TS]

  or there's a dirigible or something that [TS]

  it'll be there and so I ordered a [TS]

  superhero Supergirl costume and I get [TS]

  that you know there are 25 different [TS]

  kinds so I got the one that I thought [TS]

  was you know gonna last because I want [TS]

  her to have it into the entertainment to [TS]

  college or get married in it it did not [TS]

  arrive in time for the superhero Gustin [TS]

  and she was stipulated that she that [TS]

  this was a real superhero party and not [TS]

  a superhero party where daddy gets to [TS]

  invent a kind of superhero you needs to [TS]

  be like a known brand or franchise I [TS]

  can't can't be like a pickled lady or [TS]

  something no recipe person I actually [TS]

  did go to a Halloween party of hers one [TS]

  time as mr. pickle I just decided that [TS]

  that was a superhero and I was mr. [TS]

  pickle that's I don't know how you knew [TS]

  that but that that's actually one I've [TS]

  done and she wasn't that impressed with [TS]

  that and she is not and she she knew in [TS]

  advance that there was a possibility [TS]

  that I was going to send her as you know [TS]

  like miss flag hero dressed head-to-toe [TS]

  in like Canadian nautical standards she [TS]

  was like I want to be a real superheroes [TS]

  ticket stub she's very into Supergirl so [TS]

  I was like Supergirl it is well TV show [TS]

  uh I think that a lot of this stuff she [TS]

  gets yeah yeah yeah she's super duper [TS]

  into Star Wars and she's never seen any [TS]

  Star Wars that's a thing she's got dark [TS]

  Vader everything and she I'm like why is [TS]

  dark Vader the one that you like she's [TS]

  like why is dark Vader the one you like [TS]

  what are you talking about it's dark [TS]

  Vader [TS]

  yes ma'am she's got a dark Vador thermos [TS]

  and she's very into it anyway so Super [TS]

  Girl Costume arrives too late for [TS]

  superhero party and so she ends up going [TS]

  to superhero party as a kind of [TS]

  superhero that she and her father [TS]

  concocted but she took the lead on it so [TS]

  she was fine with it I think that she [TS]

  was butterfly ninja girl so anyway this [TS]

  nice super super girl costume arrives [TS]

  and I'm like up above the refrigerator [TS]

  right uh-huh [TS]

  so now I've got toe socks and Super Girl [TS]

  costume I'm glad I get where you're [TS]

  going with this doesn't know what wasn't [TS]

  there that's right it's an elaborate [TS]

  long con shell game I have already I've [TS]

  already established that she wants a [TS]

  super girl costume a long time ago and [TS]

  she she's probably like moved on from it [TS]

  but only because she didn't feel like it [TS]

  was in the offing mm-hmm so all these [TS]

  things are gonna arrive and then there [TS]

  was a I held off getting her Barbie [TS]

  stuff for a long time we tried to it was [TS]

  it was it came in the side door from [TS]

  relatives yes yep that's exactly right [TS]

  they they they show up I don't know how [TS]

  yeah but I was somewhere maybe an [TS]

  airport a long time ago and I bought her [TS]

  a Barbie bicycle with like a bastok and [TS]

  a little dog maybe it's got like 14 [TS]

  parts and I I got it home and I felt [TS]

  like at the time she was too she'd only [TS]

  just gotten her first Barbie and she was [TS]

  too young to have a you know this Barbie [TS]

  has like in the past it gets got like a [TS]

  loaf bread or a bottle of bourbon and [TS]

  you know like a like a pot pipe it's a [TS]

  it's Juggalo Barney this episode of [TS]

  Roderick on the line is brought to you [TS]

  by Squarespace [TS]

  you can learn more about Squarespace [TS]

  right now by visiting squarespace.com [TS]

  Merry Christmas [TS]

  Squarespace happy holidays happy [TS]

  everybody happy everything you can get [TS]

  on the Squarespace you know about [TS]

  Squarespace why don't you start your you [TS]

  know what structure your off right and [TS]

  you get on Squarespace because with [TS]

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  the settings the products all that with [TS]

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  everything is optimized for mobile right [TS]

  out-of-the-box looks good on any device [TS]

  or dingus and they have a new way to buy [TS]

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  make it make yourself make a stand out [TS]

  make it on your Squarespace hmm if [TS]

  you're listening to this show and I [TS]

  think you are you probably know already [TS]

  that Roderick on the line is down it has [TS]

  always been hosted on Squarespace the [TS]

  audio files text files the image files [TS]

  it's all just in there I love to death [TS]

  I'm a huge fan and I can actually say I [TS]

  really recommend them so go out right [TS]

  now you go check out Squarespace comm [TS]

  for a free trial and when you're ready [TS]

  to launch use the offer code supertrain [TS]

  to save 10% off your first purchase of a [TS]

  website or domain squarespace.com our [TS]

  thanks to Squarespace for supporting [TS]

  Rodrick on the line and all the great [TS]

  so that went up above the fridge - and [TS]

  now she's old enough for it uh-huh so [TS]

  just so we're clear it is a typical it's [TS]

  not like a Lego thing it's an actual [TS]

  Barbie sized Barbie set yes it is it's a [TS]

  big it's a it's a full-on bicycle that [TS]

  Barbie can ride it's a pretty nice [TS]

  little thing and then the last thing [TS]

  that went up above the fridge was I was [TS]

  at a thrift store the other day and I'm [TS]

  going through the lapel pins and [TS]

  cufflinks as you do because every once [TS]

  while you find a lapel pin that's like [TS]

  World's Fair 1964 or something that you [TS]

  know some lapel pin that says I'm one of [TS]

  the 12 people that walked on the moon [TS]

  like oh I'll pay 99 cents for that sure [TS]

  but I found a very nice enamel lapel pin [TS]

  of the Superman logo oh how nice that [TS]

  some I can only imagine the person that [TS]

  wore this right like just like instead [TS]

  of a flag pin just a little like [TS]

  Superman pin I mean I don't know I'm not [TS]

  sure whether that was whether it's a [TS]

  fedora that wore it or what but it but [TS]

  there it was and I said Supergirl [TS]

  same-same I'll get the Supergirl pin and [TS]

  then she can wear Supergirl pin even [TS]

  when she's not in Supergirl costume so [TS]

  there I've got four things no I don't [TS]

  know and I don't want to be one of those [TS]

  parents that's got like 12 presents for [TS]

  your kid yourself don't want that like a [TS]

  people I said well it's not I'm [TS]

  competing somewhat with her expectations [TS]

  but they're driven by my own like oh [TS]

  there isn't a good big one yet we still [TS]

  need a big one yeah the big one problem [TS]

  yes we gotta have a big one it's got to [TS]

  be one we open all the cool stuff in the [TS]

  angry socks and books and then that's [TS]

  all of them yeah that Christmas story [TS]

  might be one more behind [TS]

  to van and you go know what I don't know [TS]

  why I don't know why I don't have a big [TS]

  one yet tip a divan well you know I've [TS]

  got a 30 year old couch yeah now it's [TS]

  not a good one for me to get for my wife [TS]

  she's really tired of having the [TS]

  secondhand couch that I got in the 90s [TS]

  she's really not truly ready for a [TS]

  grownup couch do you feel qualified to [TS]

  pick a grownup couch that she'll be like [TS]

  that she'll find acceptable well I don't [TS]

  take you off the story cuz you're going [TS]

  in a very interesting direction your [TS]

  almonds say is this I got beef with [TS]

  people buying furniture that is the [TS]

  wrong scale for a room oh god me too [TS]

  I had very very dear dear friends who I [TS]

  don't know if they thought it was gonna [TS]

  fit in that room you it ends up like [TS]

  you're like you're playing trains with [TS]

  two different scales and like they got a [TS]

  big giant poufy secretary you can't like [TS]

  a Totoro chair that three people can sit [TS]

  in and it's in one of these rooms in a [TS]

  San Francisco flat like an 800 square [TS]

  foot flat and you're like oh dude [TS]

  there's just this is wrong so ours is a [TS]

  very like probably from the 60s or 70s [TS]

  naugahyde couch it's very low-profile it [TS]

  fits nearly perfectly into the area we [TS]

  have now most of the couches we want and [TS]

  look at first of all they're very costly [TS]

  a couch is not a cheap thing but they're [TS]

  also almost all like six inches wider or [TS]

  higher than we want yep and I feel like [TS]

  this is the kind of thing where you got [TS]

  to visit it in the store you have to [TS]

  inhabit it you bring a tape measure [TS]

  maybe some 3d modeling yeah I know that [TS]

  couch that's in your living room quite [TS]

  well it's pretty confident it's pretty [TS]

  great and you know and I want to say [TS]

  that I've slept on it many times but of [TS]

  course I haven't because Erik Corson [TS]

  slept on it many times even stuck with [TS]

  that that doesn't stay inflated yeah I [TS]

  remember that bed but you know for a [TS]

  long time you gave me the you actually [TS]

  had a spare bed mm-hmm that was somewhat [TS]

  taco shaped but it was an actual bed and [TS]

  then the then the inflatable bed came [TS]

  out yeah those don't those don't have [TS]

  it's good it's got a lot we've gotten [TS]

  better ones since then now that we've [TS]

  become somewhat camping people we we [TS]

  have some camping right okay so so [TS]

  you're we're back to your strategy here [TS]

  you already got yourself in a little bit [TS]

  of a pickle with this half birthday [TS]

  situation yeah you have and I I'm also [TS]

  experienced what you have and this this [TS]

  makes me sound like a I don't know [TS]

  terrible person but but I'll do stuff [TS]

  like I will keep a treat in the chamber [TS]

  or maybe in the magazine better put but [TS]

  I for example like a not too costly Lego [TS]

  set I'll like keep around and hidden and [TS]

  if there's a particularly bad day or a [TS]

  particularly good day or particularly [TS]

  you just did a great thing you get a [TS]

  treat thing I'm able to induce a Lego [TS]

  kid so I am familiar with this I don't [TS]

  want to call it this stockpile of [TS]

  potential presence that can be deployed [TS]

  they're also great it's also good I [TS]

  don't know how much you run you're gonna [TS]

  run into this more and more if you [TS]

  haven't already you know like say say [TS]

  somehow you accidentally got two copies [TS]

  of a book or there was some holiday [TS]

  where you got two copies of a present or [TS]

  you just whatever this kind of thing [TS]

  happens especially in the Amazon [TS]

  ecosystem you keep those around you know [TS]

  those are great for you go to a party [TS]

  last minute you find out you're going to [TS]

  a birthday party you got a gift oh [TS]

  that's so good yeah so you keep around [TS]

  like a small nearly $10 $20 Lego set you [TS]

  know mm-hmm but now you gotta exist the [TS]

  urge you know it's there I I scored one [TS]

  time really big on that and I and I felt [TS]

  like I kind of got I got a my balloon [TS]

  popped one time really big on that the [TS]

  best one the one time it worked was the [TS]

  the rege if ting one that you're talking [TS]

  about somebody gave Marlowe a [TS]

  calligraphy set when she was three we [TS]

  got a calligraphy set much later and [TS]

  it's extremely messy yeah I mean it's [TS]

  there's not enough New York Times in the [TS]

  world to accommodate the ink that it's [TS]

  going to be everywhere please honey [TS]

  could you please do that only at the [TS]

  kitchen table please please please [TS]

  yes I'm very young to get calligraphy [TS]

  because also kids can't write yes no [TS]

  this was the thing where she was at the [TS]

  level of like put a green crayon in her [TS]

  hand and she's like green [TS]

  and it's like here's this calligraphy [TS]

  set like thou art mine own time and it's [TS]

  just like what are you doing old person [TS]

  this is not three appropriate so that [TS]

  went into a cupboard and I kept I kept [TS]

  looking at it and I was like ah it's too [TS]

  nice to give to a thrift store at the [TS]

  moment because I feel like this is gonna [TS]

  get and then there was a birthday and I [TS]

  said this is someone else's problem now [TS]

  I'm gonna put this I'm gonna wrap this [TS]

  I'm gonna take this to this little boy's [TS]

  birthday party well seems like something [TS]

  he's pretty you know he's a pretty [TS]

  delicate Lea attuned little boy he may [TS]

  enjoy this and it and it came out at his [TS]

  birthday party and he was surprised and [TS]

  my kid was surprised that she had [TS]

  thought of this wonderful gift and off [TS]

  we were it was like last-minute birthday [TS]

  party and it was a big success the time [TS]

  I got burned was she loves my spaceman [TS]

  mm-hmm my Merlin man man gifted Space [TS]

  Pen could you used to give Space Pen I [TS]

  did that was a that was a gift that use [TS]

  the thing that I would do that's another [TS]

  one of those things I stockpile doesn't [TS]

  give away as a gift and I have one I [TS]

  carry one in my wallet at all times [TS]

  always have my space pen and she always [TS]

  wants it she's like any time we go [TS]

  somewhere she she never forgets it's [TS]

  there and she always wants this basement [TS]

  so one time I thought and it was for [TS]

  some half birthday I was like I'm gonna [TS]

  get her her own space pen and they make [TS]

  them in purple I'm gonna get her a [TS]

  purple space pen so I got one I ordered [TS]

  it from Amazon dot prime right and it [TS]

  didn't come in time oh come on Jon why [TS]

  they crapping you- what's going on I [TS]

  thought they was supposed to come the [TS]

  next day edit and it never does it's [TS]

  always like your thing [TS]

  be here in ten days I'm like what is [TS]

  this yeah we're sure to select the [TS]

  problem is here's how they get you to [TS]

  see you know this is might be a rookie [TS]

  error it'll say on there available for [TS]

  delivery today or tomorrow and then you [TS]

  go to your car and you click and say [TS]

  yeah I'm gonna get it you gotta remember [TS]

  to go in and double-check that you [TS]

  clicked the fastest free option that's [TS]

  available cuz they will grab me negative [TS]

  and they'll say oh yeah we just deliver [TS]

  two days or whatever comes in ten days I [TS]

  see that's no good that's that's no good [TS]

  so this space pen went up above the [TS]

  refrigerator and it was there for months [TS]

  and then it was her first day of first [TS]

  grade and I was like what a great [TS]

  present to give on the first day of [TS]

  first grade [TS]

  mm-hmm and I took her all the way into [TS]

  her class and oh oh no no no you know [TS]

  what it was I was in New York and I flew [TS]

  back because I didn't want to miss her [TS]

  first day oh nice but I but I flew back [TS]

  and it was the type of it was like a [TS]

  flight that landed at 6:30 a.m. and her [TS]

  first day of school started at 8:00 Oh [TS]

  God and so I ran through the airport and [TS]

  I jumped in a car and I had the car take [TS]

  me directly to her school and she was [TS]

  already in the school and they were [TS]

  already in the classroom and she's [TS]

  they're just buzzing with the energy of [TS]

  the first day of school I still remember [TS]

  it was so exciting [TS]

  just like the smells in the wood and the [TS]

  halls and oh my god yeah and then her [TS]

  father arrives in the doorway of her [TS]

  classroom she hasn't seen me in a week [TS]

  cuz I've been in New York and I come [TS]

  into the class because I am like my [TS]

  father all the other parents like drop [TS]

  their kids off and then stand on the [TS]

  playground expectantly but I like walk [TS]

  in and introduce myself to the teacher [TS]

  and introduce myself to the assistant [TS]

  teacher and I walk around and put my [TS]

  hand on top of the head of every kid I [TS]

  recognize which is like you know 14 of [TS]

  the 23 kids [TS]

  hey you know that you're a little [TS]

  Granger your name is cracker right [TS]

  probably clattering every year she's had [TS]

  at least two and sometimes three Aiden's [TS]

  in her class Aiden and I don't know [TS]

  where that name comes from is that an [TS]

  Irish name I don't know he's an American [TS]

  kids they could become an Aiden Aiden [TS]

  well I we have two Harper's in her life [TS]

  once a girl wants a boy how about that [TS]

  yeah and I never even knew that Harper [TS]

  was a name you could give a kid let [TS]

  alone that it was a unisex name so [TS]

  touching children's heads your own [TS]

  I'm hello hello and she's sitting over [TS]

  in the corner watching her dad do this [TS]

  like walk around where you know and I'm [TS]

  like I'm lifting up tapestries and [TS]

  looking on what's behind them and I'm [TS]

  open and it's like what's going on okay [TS]

  this this class passes muster and I [TS]

  finally make it over to my little girl [TS]

  and I say sweetie I have a present for [TS]

  you and she's like what but but her eyes [TS]

  are barely focusing and I hand her this [TS]

  purple space pen which I have been [TS]

  hoarding for at least six months and she [TS]

  opens it up and she's just like Oh [TS]

  anyway daddy I would like you to leave [TS]

  now [TS]

  oh no so it begins well that's a one-two [TS]

  punch yeah and I'm gonna to the in [TS]

  gratitude pairs nicely with the [TS]

  dismissal oh well yeah just like [TS]

  dismissed already out but the purple [TS]

  space pen here's the here's the [TS]

  devastating part the purple space pen [TS]

  just sort of disappeared I have never [TS]

  seen it since and she continues to ask [TS]

  for my space pen and I don't want to be [TS]

  the dad that's like what ever happened [TS]

  to your space pen so I dutifully hand my [TS]

  space pen over at at times and I'm [TS]

  always trying to get her to like carry a [TS]

  bag that's got all of her stuff in your [TS]

  mouth to God's ear [TS]

  she doesn't she's not able to know [TS]

  that's basically you're a pocket with a [TS]

  checkbook you just walk around there [TS]

  you're a pack mule like it's just your [TS]

  job to carry all the things this whole [TS]

  organization that's gonna think about [TS]

  where things get looking no you know [TS]

  what let's not carry a poster when we go [TS]

  to the grocery store what why are we [TS]

  bringing a poster to the grocery store [TS]

  and who's gonna have to end up carrying [TS]

  it [TS]

  spoiler alert not you yeah a poster oh [TS]

  just the craziest stuff and just the [TS]

  impractical pret impractical shoes and [TS]

  then when she does get it back it's like [TS]

  a fancy bag you can't even put anything [TS]

  in just don't she's way better at that [TS]

  she we got to finally got her if she [TS]

  said we said when she got into fourth [TS]

  grade she could have a roller backpack [TS]

  and you know like Crate & Barrel makes [TS]

  these really nice backpack so that every [TS]

  kid whenever you see those backpacks [TS]

  everybody has it's usually a Crate and [TS]

  Barrel the great backpack roller [TS]

  backpack and now that's that's that's [TS]

  the locus of all activity but I feel you [TS]

  well the Impractical shoes I can't stand [TS]

  oh well that's not to be in your bonnet [TS]

  but I'm like like a mini we're gonna be [TS]

  on Muni and you're gonna you're gonna [TS]

  have San Francisco all over your feet [TS]

  think about how much San Francisco you [TS]

  want well you're gonna wear sparkly [TS]

  shoes with no socks is that really what [TS]

  you is that really what you want on your [TS]

  feet for two hours Seattle is cold and [TS]

  rainy all winter long will be you leave [TS]

  your house you know you plan ahead leave [TS]

  the house like there's gonna be a [TS]

  fucking tsunami yeah because there will [TS]

  be a tsunami you'll be ankled tomorrow [TS]

  you're gonna be glad you brought a [TS]

  jacket one day one day on my deathbed [TS]

  you will come to me and you'll say I'm [TS]

  so glad I bought a jacket I should [TS]

  always wear layers so her mother likes [TS]

  impractical shoes and she bought her [TS]

  apparently some black what I would [TS]

  consider ballet slippers they called [TS]

  them like nice shoes I don't like see it [TS]

  yeah where it feels like how you gonna [TS]

  climb a fence in those like what if hey [TS]

  sweetie what if the shit goes down and [TS]

  we need to March right like what if we [TS]

  have to March baby [TS]

  are you kidding option let me explain [TS]

  something to you I learned this from [TS]

  from General Eisenhower sometimes you [TS]

  don't even know what is it you're [TS]

  planning for right [TS]

  you mean all you all I can tell you is [TS]

  is again to to paraphrase eisenhower [TS]

  the plan is nothing but the planning is [TS]

  everything I don't know what you're [TS]

  gonna face if there is a zombie [TS]

  apocalypse and I'm not saying it's gonna [TS]

  happen today but if there is some kind [TS]

  of a virus that goes on all throughout [TS]

  King County is that really the shoes you [TS]

  want to be wearing is that the sugar [TS]

  warning so when that when the [TS]

  searchlights are in the sky and like and [TS]

  you're you and your dad arrives in your [TS]

  at your school and everyone else is just [TS]

  the it's blackout conditions and they're [TS]

  all wide-eyed and staring cabinet they [TS]

  grab their small bag that's packed they [TS]

  flip it over the shoulder and the REA [TS]

  it's like it's like battle royale you [TS]

  get your weapon II just start running [TS]

  let's go we're headed to the mountains [TS]

  and I sent her to school in Boots and I [TS]

  pick her up and she's in these little [TS]

  fucking flats or these little black and [TS]

  I'm like where did those even come from [TS]

  and she says you have tea served to you [TS]

  in there and they're tucked into her [TS]

  back and I and the first thing she says [TS]

  to me is will you carry my boots will I [TS]

  carry your boots how did these little [TS]

  things even get out when did you make [TS]

  this decision and I said to her did you [TS]

  wear your boots today or did you wear [TS]

  these little things and she's like oh I [TS]

  wore my boots all day I just changed [TS]

  into and I'm like uh-huh [TS]

  I don't even know if I buy that yeah [TS]

  butter wouldn't melt in your mouth give [TS]

  me a break so so so anyway it's a copy [TS]

  for the pen it's been a big deal you're [TS]

  ready and I know this feeling this [TS]

  feeling of like oh oh boy I'm gonna kill [TS]

  it with this one cuz this is the thing I [TS]

  know finally there's something you're [TS]

  gonna treasure you're gonna take care of [TS]

  it's gonna be giving you the watch [TS]

  that's been in this guy's ass this is [TS]

  gonna be something treasure for the rest [TS]

  of your life purple space pen first day [TS]

  of school dad comes in touches kids [TS]

  heads gives you a space pen you're gonna [TS]

  have that at graduation you'll give it [TS]

  back that's right in tears first day of [TS]

  first grade I'm this thing's gonna be [TS]

  all battered and dent dented by the time [TS]

  you go off to law school or whatever and [TS]

  this will be the one that you sign the [TS]

  bill that allows [TS]

  you know that allows lizards to have [TS]

  full rights in the United States what if [TS]

  that's the what if that's the pen that [TS]

  she uses to sign in into a law to keep [TS]

  moving and get out of the way act ah see [TS]

  the purple space pen that she says and [TS]

  she says to the the assembled group as I [TS]

  son this keep moving and get out of the [TS]

  way acts I used the pen that my father [TS]

  gave me on the first day of first grade [TS]

  when he went around embarrassing me I'll [TS]

  never forget it I've kept it by my side [TS]

  every day yeah [TS]

  and instead it's just like it went into [TS]

  the bottom of a bag and never saw it [TS]

  again because she's got 40 bags Jesus [TS]

  and the thing is I used to go into the [TS]

  Filson restoration department because I [TS]

  knew all the little bag makers and we [TS]

  would sit and talk about the bag that I [TS]

  was gonna have custom-made for her a [TS]

  custom Filson bag and they used to say [TS]

  like well what if we sourced some sale [TS]

  cloth from like the the USS Constitution [TS]

  and I was like I don't know if that's [TS]

  enough I don't know if that's good [TS]

  enough do you have any you have any [TS]

  cloth that that actually went to the [TS]

  Yukon that you've been keeping in some [TS]

  backroom and they're like let's let us [TS]

  check you know and I would sit and say [TS]

  like well when you get in a special [TS]

  bunch of leather that's been dyed purple [TS]

  give me a call and I did that until the [TS]

  people that went that worked in the [TS]

  Phils and restoration store ended up [TS]

  going to work for Patagonia and a whole [TS]

  bunch of new characters are there now [TS]

  okay and I'm cultivating them but I keep [TS]

  thinking about that space pen and I'm [TS]

  like I'm gonna I'm gonna hand her this [TS]

  this Filson bag that I had custom-made [TS]

  one-of-a-kind one-of-a-kind and it's [TS]

  like what if we took the you know what [TS]

  if we took be like classic book bag but [TS]

  we combined elements of the 256 and you [TS]

  know and I realize like oh that's only [TS]

  what I'm thinking that's only what I [TS]

  care about she'll throw that into a pile [TS]

  with a bunch of other bags and say like [TS]

  it's too heavy [TS]

  I'm gonna put my purple space pen in and [TS]

  then throw it into a furnace so I don't [TS]

  know what I don't know what to do I just [TS]

  have to keep I just have to keep buying [TS]

  or Supergirl costumes and hope that one [TS]

  day I get it right yeah [TS]

  but I don't know what's your big present [TS]

  gonna be this year you get a you need a [TS]

  big one you know you need a big one you [TS]

  need a bang or you know part of the [TS]

  thing is this is bigger baby boo boo [TS]

  there are certain franchises and types [TS]

  of toys then she only seems to think [TS]

  about when it's time for a present [TS]

  giving occasion not exclusively but like [TS]

  her her her aunt gave her an American [TS]

  Girl doll a few years ago which is this [TS]

  really costly really nice at all and she [TS]

  likes the doll she takes good care of [TS]

  the doll but like she's not it's she's [TS]

  not it's not like minecraft it's not [TS]

  something she's doing like looking [TS]

  forward to doing everyday but then right [TS]

  around the into November she's like up [TS]

  you know you know auntie Susie know [TS]

  about time to get some more maybe get an [TS]

  American Girl ski set with a little [TS]

  broken leg and all that stuff you know [TS]

  and you know that's weird right now she [TS]

  like like so many kids her age are just [TS]

  obsessed with all these little branded [TS]

  plastic things you get the sound Oh like [TS]

  you get on my couch cheese but there's [TS]

  Minnie so I don't know if it still [TS]

  wasn't shopkins that kicked his other [TS]

  shopkins which you would love it's a [TS]

  small toy about buying things pure no [TS]

  she came to me and said shopkins and I [TS]

  was like shopkins is a restaurant in New [TS]

  York City where the guy yells at you oh [TS]

  right you got a big dude give you a [TS]

  corned beef sandwich well there's those [TS]

  things and and and right now she's [TS]

  really into these like squishy things [TS]

  like a squishy cinnamon bun you can have [TS]

  a squishy popcorn box that's very [TS]

  popular in her her retinue but yeah but [TS]

  I but of course you know I'm I'm trying [TS]

  not to inject too much of myself into it [TS]

  because you know it's the the festival [TS]

  of lights and whatnot and then I don't [TS]

  want I want to keep my purple pen out of [TS]

  the situation so you're not gonna you're [TS]

  not gonna get her like a Wilberforce car [TS]

  or something no [TS]

  Shh no no no no I know the world [TS]

  Wilberforce mobile i I have so I'm [TS]

  pretty good my wife is great at the [TS]

  stocking stuffer thing she's very very [TS]

  good at that I think she buys a little [TS]

  too much and she overfill them a little [TS]

  bit but that's the right kind of problem [TS]

  I'm pretty great at the middle-sized [TS]

  present so my wife is awesome at the I [TS]

  mean she's good lots of stuff but one of [TS]

  the things she takes care a lot of like [TS]

  the small stuff and the stocking [TS]

  stuffers and when I say stocking [TS]

  stuffers I'm talking about like you know [TS]

  there could be some really cool stuff [TS]

  and some skincare products and some toys [TS]

  and lots of candy and something about [TS]

  she's great at that I'm good at the [TS]

  mediums I'm good at the $30 Lego box I'm [TS]

  good at the electronics kit level of [TS]

  stuff you know you're 20 to $60 range [TS]

  gift not to make this about dollars and [TS]

  cents but you know the medium size the [TS]

  like a pretty good pretty good present [TS]

  like nobody's gonna turn down a lego [TS]

  creator set that's aggressive great set [TS]

  yeah but then I struggle with the big [TS]

  one cuz the big one does not always [TS]

  endure the big one frequently reflects [TS]

  the aspirations about the future and the [TS]

  memories of the past of the parent and I [TS]

  think you're saying well my mom [TS]

  traditionally filled our stockings with [TS]

  walnuts and oranges oh that's so nice [TS]

  and then at the very top of the stocking [TS]

  there were a couple of what you would [TS]

  normally call stocking stuffers but [TS]

  mostly it was walnuts where you would [TS]

  then have a nutcracker [TS]

  and you would sit during Christmas and [TS]

  crack walnuts which none of us liked [TS]

  like the only one in the whole house [TS]

  that liked walnuts was my mom because [TS]

  it's such an old old person some hard [TS]

  candies polishes off for you oh and like [TS]

  fill verts and stuff like so now when [TS]

  it's Christmas time and I'm filling [TS]

  stockings now believe me I am NOT [TS]

  like recapitulating this problem by [TS]

  filling her stocking with filbert's but [TS]

  my mom arrives and she's got her like [TS]

  her nuts from 1820 she's like you know [TS]

  let's get these nuts into those [TS]

  stockings nation you know like I was a [TS]

  kid that was already wearing Dickensian [TS]

  clothes like I I could at least get get [TS]

  close to the idea that we would put [TS]

  another charcoal on the fire and Scrooge [TS]

  would get mad but she is my kid is so [TS]

  far away from a filbert this but there [TS]

  they are in the stocking she just looks [TS]

  at him like I think they're dried pieces [TS]

  of shit which is what they look like [TS]

  yeah so there are some Christmas [TS]

  traditions yeah I did want to talk about [TS]

  this don't tell me you're weird we can [TS]

  tell me your normal ones but I'd love to [TS]

  hear do you have any weird holiday [TS]

  especially Christmas traditions in your [TS]

  family well there are some good ones [TS]

  that the top Christmas tradition in my [TS]

  estimation is that it's the one day a [TS]

  year that my mom will make me Welsh [TS]

  rarebit cheesy toast [TS]

  cheesy toast but we put ham we put a [TS]

  slice of ham on it all sounds yummy it's [TS]

  homemade biscuits and then you take the [TS]

  biscuits and you cut them in half like [TS]

  you do with a biscuit but you lay the [TS]

  biscuits out on the plate and then you [TS]

  cover the biscuits with ham and then you [TS]

  cover the whole thing with cheese sauce [TS]

  oh that sounds so good [TS]

  and if you're crazy used to have a [TS]

  version of that when I was a kid they [TS]

  did that's right we always had a [TS]

  homemade real Welsh rarebit if you're [TS]

  crazy you can put a fried egg on top of [TS]

  the ham shit on and then cover the whole [TS]

  thing with cheese sauce and this is a [TS]

  meal right they you could make this meal [TS]

  every morning you can make this meal 250 [TS]

  times a year on the continuum of special [TS]

  foods foods that's on the very that's [TS]

  pretty I mean love leaving out filbert's [TS]

  that is a that is a fairly not difficult [TS]

  meal to make it's not that hard to treat [TS]

  but she will only make it on Christmas [TS]

  morning it's the only time I've ever [TS]

  seen it in my life but I have it every [TS]

  Christmas and I think I'm the only one [TS]

  that likes it Wow who-who the hell what [TS]

  the hell kid wants Welsh rarebit it's [TS]

  like one more Dickensian weird and she [TS]

  puts a little tiny little bit of mustard [TS]

  in the cheese sauce mmm it's like a [TS]

  crazy thing to fetishize she's lawyer [TS]

  you that's so nice yeah I look forward [TS]

  to Welsh rarebit every Christmas morning [TS]

  and she and she makes it you know and [TS]

  it's not a thing where I have to say [TS]

  like it's Christmas gonna get the world [TS]

  remember it just shows up on Christmas [TS]

  morning she knows that that is Christmas [TS]

  meal and it's not like we have a roast [TS]

  or a turkey or a ham or anything on [TS]

  Christmas dinner it is the Christmas [TS]

  meal right that's not so good I love [TS]

  these things and I love that it's like [TS]

  you know really to your point though [TS]

  about starting to have birthday thing [TS]

  that starts out as this casual thing [TS]

  it's interesting how many of these kinds [TS]

  of things start as a a mistake or a lark [TS]

  or as some kind of like an accident and [TS]

  then that becomes part of the that [TS]

  becomes some of my favorite rituals are [TS]

  the things that started out as a stupid [TS]

  thing yeah I think one of our rituals is [TS]

  on Easter when we have the Easter egg [TS]

  hunt then we go in and we are like post [TS]

  Easter egg hunt and then we go out and [TS]

  we hide all the Easter eggs again like [TS]

  like then and then the child or the [TS]

  children are also in involved in the [TS]

  Easter Egg hiding then so then they get [TS]

  to go out and hide all their eggs again [TS]

  and then all afternoon on Easter we just [TS]

  hide and then find and then hide again [TS]

  we just are hiding eggs aw laughter you [TS]

  have so many simple pleasures in your [TS]

  life it's a very small thing but every [TS]

  kid they don't just want to find the [TS]

  eggs they want [TS]

  then go mr. bunny themselves I like that [TS]

  my daughter's my daughter's Welsh [TS]

  rarebit is she's allowed to have Lucky [TS]

  Charms [TS]

  once a year which is on her birthday no [TS]

  that's amazing [TS]

  yeah well there's this thing I picked [TS]

  the based of a friend I used to work [TS]

  with in Florida it's this wonderful [TS]

  woman named Tracy who loved her cats and [TS]

  she she loved her cats so much she had [TS]

  something called Jubilee Jubilee week [TS]

  and Jubilee week is the one week to [TS]

  celebrate what she has decided are the [TS]

  cats they're rescues but the two cats [TS]

  that she's decided it's their birthday [TS]

  and so every night she she and her [TS]

  boyfriend would have like special events [TS]

  for the cats and I thought it was I [TS]

  first thought that was a little unusual [TS]

  but that's a great I thought that's a [TS]

  great idea I love the idea of Jubilee [TS]

  so now somehow at some point Jubilee [TS]

  became introduced as a concept in our [TS]

  household that now has been heavily [TS]

  exploited and abused to me Oh [TS]

  coming up it's Jubilee you can stay up a [TS]

  little bit later you know Jubilee is [TS]

  like it's not just that we're [TS]

  celebrating the coronation of the Queen [TS]

  it's like an entire like you know it's [TS]

  not an annus but it's at least like a [TS]

  week of specialists about celebration so [TS]

  so technically like at the beginning of [TS]

  birthday Jubilee week she gets to go [TS]

  through like a box of Lucky Charms but [TS]

  you just started out simply enough as no [TS]

  you can't have this garbage cereal ever [TS]

  but then it became alright you may have [TS]

  it on your birthday and now it kind of [TS]

  squeaks through through a lot of [TS]

  birthday Jubilee week Wow but we don't [TS]

  get it again my daughter's mother [TS]

  believes that she that there is such a [TS]

  thing first of all as a birthday month [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  this is how we get into this half [TS]

  birthday thing but I'm talking about she [TS]

  believes there's a birthday month for [TS]

  her this isn't for children this is like [TS]

  it's my birthday month so therefore [TS]

  that's a form of Jubilee I think that's [TS]

  very much a form of Jubilee well it is [TS]

  except I don't endorse it I'm like [TS]

  you're right except you're a full grown [TS]

  what do you mean like like you get to do [TS]

  this because it's your birthday month [TS]

  but she's this is this is something that [TS]

  her mother probably started with her [TS]

  back in this 1970s and she still firmly [TS]

  believes that there's but certainly [TS]

  there's a birthday week mm-hmm on her [TS]

  you know during her birthday week it's [TS]

  just that's not negotiable no no no a [TS]

  birthday month I dig my heels in but [TS]

  birthday week I just have to I have to [TS]

  wake up in the morning and I have to put [TS]

  my what can I do for you hat on and then [TS]

  it's just like I walk around with this [TS]

  hat with a big like oh the big 3x5 card [TS]

  in it that just says what can I do [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  that's one of those times when you know [TS]

  there's that dumb thing men do one of [TS]

  the many things dumb things men do and I [TS]

  have tried so hard to stop doing this [TS]

  because this is maybe the worst is the [TS]

  whole like oh do you want me to do the [TS]

  dishes like you do what should already [TS]

  be a chore for me well yeah yeah yeah [TS]

  yeah oh my god you uh you want me to uh [TS]

  take the recycling down I'm like what's [TS]

  she gonna say oh god no please don't [TS]

  inconvenience yourself by doing the [TS]

  thing that's already your job but no no [TS]

  no it gets much worse than that cuz it's [TS]

  so much smaller and dumber than that [TS]

  which is like I want to be acknowledged [TS]

  I want to be acknowledged for doing this [TS]

  thing I'm supposed to do anyway don't [TS]

  ask I'm just guessing when it's what can [TS]

  I do for you hat week like you never [TS]

  want to say something like you know oh [TS]

  do you want me to pick up my socks you [TS]

  just need to be picking up socks well [TS]

  fortunately you know we don't live [TS]

  together so he can always walk out of my [TS]

  house and close the door and not have to [TS]

  think about where the socks are right [TS]

  she doesn't have to be a good host [TS]

  though you need to be accommodating [TS]

  during that what can I do for you that [TS]

  week well during what can I do for you [TS]

  week there is never any question time [TS]

  for me to ask if there if I can do [TS]

  something for her because she lets me [TS]

  know EE and you know my little girl is [TS]

  learning this right it you know right it [TS]

  she's there watching she's right at [TS]

  there at our heels and so this is all I [TS]

  mean this is she said to me the other [TS]

  night she's like there's there are not [TS]

  enough [TS]

  night lights in my room and I said how [TS]

  many night lights does one person need [TS]

  and she said you know what I know how [TS]

  you are about Christmas lights because I [TS]

  am oh I am a certain way about Christmas [TS]

  lights what feelings I do I feel like a [TS]

  I love Christmas lights ok good good [TS]

  good did they need to be a certain color [TS]

  do they need to yes or no blink do you [TS]

  have strong feelings about what kind do [TS]

  you need big lights versus little fairy [TS]

  lights do have strong feelings about [TS]

  that because there are people I've [TS]

  learned over the years people have [TS]

  extremely strong feelings about [TS]

  Christmas lights I am one of these [TS]

  people okay [TS]

  I believe that you should decorate your [TS]

  outside of your house in like white but [TS]

  I don't mean clear I mean white [TS]

  Christmas lights and I do not believe in [TS]

  LED Christmas lights interesting they [TS]

  have to be traditional Christmas lights [TS]

  should they be the ball be bulb butt [TS]

  plug type you don't want those little [TS]

  one so you want those little guys not [TS]

  well both so I used the Bowlby butt [TS]

  plugs [TS]

  you know like c9 size or c7 whichever is [TS]

  the larger of the two I have both kinds [TS]

  okay I put them around I decorate the [TS]

  entire what you would call the the the [TS]

  the roof edge okay of my house in large [TS]

  white Christmas lights okay like so I so [TS]

  basically my guests are yeah I outlined [TS]

  the sketch of the house okay with with [TS]

  large white crisp I'm seeing that I'm [TS]

  liking that [TS]

  okay and then defines a nice clear line [TS]

  yes exactly and you have to make them [TS]

  straight there those are not droopy [TS]

  those are like those are taught and then [TS]

  they're soldiers and then the little [TS]

  Christmas lights which are not blinking [TS]

  bushes which is the trees bushes and [TS]

  trees bushes and trees because you can [TS]

  also disguise them as many ways to weave [TS]

  the fairy lights into the foliage in a [TS]

  way that can look very natural and [TS]

  lovely right so the the big ones that [TS]

  are on the outside of the house have [TS]

  white [TS]

  strands because it's a white I have a [TS]

  white house okay but the ones that go in [TS]

  bushes and trees have green strands [TS]

  because they're okay hiding in bushes [TS]

  and trees yes and then there are lights [TS]

  that go again now these are white strand [TS]

  lights they go along the white picket [TS]

  fence very clean look it's very nice and [TS]

  it goes up over the Arbor which I erect [TS]

  at the front gate only at this time of [TS]

  year and then along the remaining [TS]

  remainder of the white picket fence and [TS]

  then the giant blue spruce that is in [TS]

  the front yard gets decorated with [TS]

  colored c9 lights large bulbous lights [TS]

  but it has a Christmas style tree it [TS]

  does I like that you're not just [TS]

  slathering stuff everywhere you you've [TS]

  got you've got thought you've got a [TS]

  persuasive theory for all of this I do [TS]

  and the large colored lights because a [TS]

  blue spruce is the finest of all [TS]

  Christmas trees and in fact there are [TS]

  evil evil evil people in this world [TS]

  Oh Gor because the blue spruce is a kind [TS]

  of native Northwest tree and they will [TS]

  go around and someone will have a giant [TS]

  blue spruce in their front yard don't [TS]

  say this and you're gonna break my heart [TS]

  they climb on the roof of their truck [TS]

  and they just cut off the top six feet [TS]

  of your blue spruce [TS]

  that is so unamerican it's the awfulest [TS]

  and then the rest of your life because a [TS]

  blue spruce will live 200 years then [TS]

  you've got this blue spruce that doesn't [TS]

  have a top tail to stir your drink [TS]

  something [TS]

  it's zonkers because you know a proper [TS]

  blue spruce Christmas tree like that's [TS]

  not a thing that you're just gonna get [TS]

  at the store that's like a nice thing [TS]

  blue spruce are beautiful they're blue [TS]

  anyway so green they're blue like [TS]

  Kentucky ARS yeah they're like blue and [TS]

  they have this kind of white not fuzz [TS]

  but they have this whiteness to their [TS]

  blue they're wonderful trees but so I [TS]

  had my blue spruces tall enough that I [TS]

  had [TS]

  to get on top of a ladder where I was [TS]

  like eeky eeky eeky and then take the [TS]

  big colored lights put them on the end [TS]

  of a long broom and put the broom up to [TS]

  wrap the lights around the top of the [TS]

  tree you're saving a lot like the first [TS]

  10 seconds of a commercial and cable TV [TS]

  the part that's in black and white about [TS]

  how many times has this happen to you [TS]

  that's a little dangerous buddy and [TS]

  they're like yeah and then it's a it's a [TS]

  it's an infomercial for like Christmas [TS]

  tree lighter pole or Christmas tree [TS]

  lights Christmas tree lighting poles [TS]

  only 3995 and you can get a second one [TS]

  just pass up her feet yeah you get a [TS]

  second one for shipping and handle yeah [TS]

  and okay so here's my second strong [TS]

  feelings about Christmas lights you [TS]

  cannot have a Christmas tree with [TS]

  colored lights that you illuminate all [TS]

  year you cannot have a fence line that [TS]

  has Christmas lights on it all year nor [TS]

  can you have bushes but you should have [TS]

  your house outlined in giant white [TS]

  lights all year long oh yes so I have [TS]

  mine set on I used to have it set on a [TS]

  timer which over the course of the year [TS]

  I had to keep adjusting because it got [TS]

  dark earlier in winter and then light [TS]

  you know like in the summer time I had [TS]

  it set so the lights didn't come on till [TS]

  10 p.m. right right right [TS]

  and they went off at 5 a.m. and now the [TS]

  lights come on at like 4:00 in the [TS]

  afternoon because I switched out the [TS]

  timer for a photosensitive box lots more [TS]

  so it automatically comes on at dusk we [TS]

  use an Internet Internet of Things [TS]

  related service Dinges where I say turn [TS]

  on the Christmas lights a half hour [TS]

  before sunset well so my new my new [TS]

  light sensor has an app and if if I want [TS]

  I can turn the Christmas lights on from [TS]

  Uzbekistan well I have yet I don't I [TS]

  don't need it because it also turns on [TS]

  at dusk and that's when I would [TS]

  turn it on if I was in news Beca Stan it [TS]

  doesn't change no but so I so I believe [TS]

  in I believe in light as a decoration [TS]

  and you know my house is kind of famous [TS]

  in the neighborhood because it's this [TS]

  big white house that has beautiful [TS]

  lights on it all year but then at [TS]

  Christmas time what about um what about [TS]

  blinking what about turning on and off [TS]

  are you some people are very against [TS]

  lights that blink at all [TS]

  some people like lights that are like [TS]

  tick-tock tick-tock on-off some people [TS]

  like to that blooming look of lights [TS]

  I've had I know this is not as strong an [TS]

  opinion as white versus colored excuse [TS]

  me african-american lights what what [TS]

  what's your feeling on the blinking or [TS]

  on/off status of lights [TS]

  obviously the nose it sounds like the [TS]

  ones around your house that would be [TS]

  really garish yeah no no you'd look like [TS]

  a casino you look like a riverboat [TS]

  casino but uh what I was young my mom [TS]

  and I had a tradition which was after [TS]

  Susan went to bed my mom and I would sit [TS]

  in the living room with all the lights [TS]

  out and what and look at our tree eatin [TS]

  sill Burt's eatin filbert's and looking [TS]

  at our tree and this was a special thing [TS]

  because I was eight and Susan was sick [TS]

  and so Susan had to go to bed but then I [TS]

  could sit with mom in the dark and look [TS]

  at the tree and the tree had probably [TS]

  two strands of lights that didn't blink [TS]

  and two strands of lights that did blink [TS]

  but not on any kind of pattern random [TS]

  blinking that's important you gotta say [TS]

  I always feel like if your no matter [TS]

  what you're doing with light so I might [TS]

  lady disagrees on this I think you [TS]

  started the mill you start near the [TS]

  trunk and you thread through any way [TS]

  that you would not be able to detect any [TS]

  lines to where the lights are no line [TS]

  some people like that some people like [TS]

  that Christmas present style Drupa Drupa [TS]

  Drupa some people really like that look [TS]

  especially with the classic butt plug [TS]

  like like blue red and orange lights [TS]

  they like that look oh that it's sort of [TS]

  just like drapey around the plugs yeah [TS]

  exactly I don't [TS]

  that I want I want it you got to spend [TS]

  some time you got to twist it around it [TS]

  has to look like there are little [TS]

  fairies in the tree that's a nice memory [TS]

  yeah so we would sit and then as Susan [TS]

  got older than the three of us would sit [TS]

  and watch the tree blink and this was [TS]

  back when Christmas was spooky still [TS]

  because at least we did not spend any [TS]

  time during the year thinking about the [TS]

  baby Jesus we did not spend any time [TS]

  during the year thinking about the three [TS]

  wise men or the manger or any of that [TS]

  stuff that's not a thing that we would [TS]

  think about in July but then right [TS]

  around Christmastime you're thinking [TS]

  about the the Gift of the Magi and the [TS]

  and the camels and [TS]