0:00:00this episode of Roderick Online was
0:00:02recorded on Monday January 22nd 2018
0:00:05it's a good hi Marilyn
0:00:13how's it going slow slow slow though
0:00:17mm-hmm is my tempo mm yeah me too I had
0:00:24a migraine last night Oh Merlin yes yes
0:00:27I'm sorry oh you know I'd complain but
0:00:30who'd listen me I I ate the booger I
0:00:35I've discovered that I I really enjoy
0:00:38some herbal teas like a celestial
0:00:41Seasonings so I've been drinking a lot
0:00:42of that and apparently I think I
0:00:44neglected to drink anything with
0:00:46caffeine in it all day yesterday Oh
0:00:49which I didn't notice until about nine
0:00:52o'clock last night Oh
0:00:56nine o'clock headache you'll clear right
0:00:58up I'll just go to bed o-genki
0:01:01oopsy doopsy I woke up at midnight no
0:01:06yeah no but you know it'sit's sometimes
0:01:09I can talk myself out of it I'm no John
0:01:11Roderick but sometimes I can say to
0:01:12myself I am feeling this pain but the
0:01:16pain is not going to bother me I will
0:01:17just feel the pain as a thing and I'm
0:01:19not gonna let it trouble me mmm I want
0:01:21power through this mm-hmm porunn power
0:01:24through this I will be mellow about this
0:01:25and not stress about this and that will
0:01:26be okay mm-hmm and I eventually got to
0:01:29sleep it worked it kind of works I mean
0:01:34I got up and I did the usual thing of
0:01:36like you don't don't they don't stay in
0:01:37bed if you can't sleep so I got up when
0:01:39I took a shower took a hot shower and
0:01:40I'm Monet did this like oh yeah and I
0:01:44put it on that special thunderous
0:01:46setting you know where hits you hard on
0:01:48the neck yeah sometimes if you got a
0:01:50normal headache that can actually help a
0:01:51lot because I think part of it is when
0:01:53you're feeling this is super interesting
0:01:54whenever you got like a pain or a
0:01:56headache or something I think your body
0:01:58overcompensates and tightens up and then
0:02:00that just makes it worse yeah yeah but
0:02:03you don't experience pain oh I could see
0:02:11you choosing to just not allow it
0:02:13the other the other day when you and I
0:02:15saw each other recently a while back the
0:02:27day came out I'm sure yeah somewhere
0:02:31back in the day back in the day was
0:02:33where we were phony award-winning
0:02:35podcasters it was right about the time
0:02:37okay yeah I felt like I was gonna throw
0:02:42up I felt like I was gonna throw up the
0:02:44entire day and and I refused to allow it
0:02:48I refused to some submit and then at the
0:02:52end of the day I did anyway have some
0:02:55throw-ups this is to the fact that your
0:03:02wonderful daughter had thrown up all
0:03:04over you that's right it's the gift that
0:03:05keeps on giving
0:03:0760 good hours and then I woke up the
0:03:10entire floor of your hotel room so you
0:03:17know I can fight it but then an O in it
0:03:19you know it was terrible
0:03:20also it's not just like that I that I
0:03:22passionately threw up yeah but you and I
0:03:26had a similar last night not not that I
0:03:30had a headache but in the middle of the
0:03:33night two o'clock in the morning I said
0:03:36I'm hungry and of course I wasn't hmm
0:03:39you were sleeping is what you were yeah
0:03:41but I was like I'm in the state that I
0:03:46was in I I came downstairs
0:03:50I found one hamburger bun that was
0:03:52frozen I took to Nathan's Famous hot
0:03:58dogs i microwaved the the collection of
0:04:03these things I sliced the hotdogs down
0:04:06the middle so they had a flat side and
0:04:08then I cut him in half so that they were
0:04:11little
0:04:12Lynette's wiener ads I piled him on top
0:04:16of this hamburger bun covered the whole
0:04:20lot with a slice of Swiss cheese
0:04:23microwaved it again just for good
0:04:26measure milk cheese and I started eating
0:04:31my ham buy a hot dog burger and my front
0:04:37tooth broke out oh come on your special
0:04:40tooth yeah so now I'm sitting here oh
0:04:42yeah and I well you know and I thought
0:04:46maybe if I go to sleep yeah but in fact
0:04:58now I have to deal with this today Oh
0:05:01John yeah and I I'm I'm hilariously
0:05:05lisping but I know I don't really notice
0:05:07it except when you're making a joke
0:05:09about it yeah but there's a tiny little
0:05:10sip sibilance okay little fib along you
0:05:18know that's so sad you're such a warrior
0:05:21you're like the Magellan of meats like
0:05:23you're so good I'd like just getting out
0:05:24there and saying like I'm just gonna do
0:05:26some stuff with food and see what
0:05:27happens you're really you get in there a
0:05:29lot of people are saying yeah I don't
0:05:30have a proper meal here it seems to me
0:05:32that you are you should be rewarded for
0:05:34your ability to cobble together a
0:05:36delicious super snack out of whatever's
0:05:38available and I salute you for that I'm
0:05:40sorry your tooth fell short for that
0:05:42yeah well like the writing was on the
0:05:46wall it was it had been a long time
0:05:47since I'd had that tooth repaired and
0:05:49honestly my dentist now wants to affect
0:05:54a permanent solution just continuing
0:05:57continuing resolution till February and
0:06:00we'll be fine big man like you with that
0:06:17sound it's really cute yeah did you did
0:06:20you make it quickly okay first of all
0:06:21fuck Dennis but also you know they
0:06:23always got a plan he's got a plan for
0:06:26your life he's got a plan they got a
0:06:27plan they see you they see you as a
0:06:29handful of teeth of the checkbook you
0:06:30know fuck those guys but
0:06:34not including all the dentists that
0:06:36listen to this show though you know you
0:06:39can pay him in dental corner you were of
0:06:40dental Oy it's a new coin for the dental
0:06:44industry denta coin did I mention this
0:06:46to you already
0:06:47does it also rise and fall with the wind
0:06:49can I get rich on dental corn nobody's
0:06:52getting rich on coin so the tooth has
0:06:58been so you've had a surrogate tooth for
0:07:03a pretty long time right long time now
0:07:05ten years yeah so that so there's that
0:07:07time when you had your long
0:07:08rock-and-roll hair and the missing tooth
0:07:09and you just went with it not a lot with
0:07:11it the whole tooth was gone at that
0:07:13point right yep okay and then at some
0:07:16point you used to come to the big tooth
0:07:19and you went ahead and got your thing
0:07:21put back in what's the what's the I
0:07:24don't know what's the lifetime of a
0:07:27replacement tooth how often do you need
0:07:28to get it dealt with well it's a great
0:07:32question I mean like for example do you
0:07:35know when the clock is ticking do you
0:07:36get a warning sign this is getting loose
0:07:38this is getting wobbly so the way that
0:07:41my tooth is is fastened in there is nah
0:07:44not I I think when my dentist goes to
0:07:47her continuing education classes where
0:07:50she gets together with all the other
0:07:51dentists and they talk about all their
0:07:52new technologies yeah she probably does
0:07:55not pull up a slide where she says and
0:07:58in this case this guy won't make a
0:08:01decision and so I have super glued this
0:08:04tooth in between the other two
0:08:0619:40 stick he won't wear a pontiff
0:08:11which is a kind of like to thinking
0:08:14pontiff or whatever a Pontic uh-huh he
0:08:17won't wear one he refuses to mm-hmm he
0:08:20won't he refuses this all the surgeries
0:08:24and now increasingly he has refused to
0:08:26just get a like a bridge like a like an
0:08:29old like an old person would that's
0:08:32where they say if I understand that
0:08:33correctly I mean cuz my wife's been
0:08:34through some of this you know she had
0:08:35the jaw surgery that was like so
0:08:37involved and involved two things and gum
0:08:40things and she's still getting gum
0:08:41grafts and all this kind of stuff like
0:08:43they want to really get in there they
0:08:44want to make you into like a cyborg
0:08:46they would put like screws in your head
0:08:47and shit right oh yeah they wanna you
0:08:49know they want to get their saws out and
0:08:51cut my cut my whole thing apart yeah I
0:08:53mean remake me the crazy thing is that
0:08:56if you go to most doctors and say my
0:09:03knee is killing me I want to get a fake
0:09:06knee I want to get a robot knee right
0:09:10the doctors say look slow your roll we
0:09:15got other options here well and yeah and
0:09:17the consensus seems to be until your
0:09:22thing until your natural thing actually
0:09:24fails the no matter how good a job we do
0:09:30the fake thing is never gonna be as good
0:09:35and complication-free
0:09:36as even a badly working natural thing
0:09:40yeah
0:09:41so don't fuck with it it's like an old
0:09:43car I'm in some ways right where like if
0:09:46you start replacing parts willy-nilly
0:09:47you don't know what you're undoing with
0:09:49each thing that you're doing yeah I have
0:09:51a my best friend from high school has
0:09:53had back problems for a long time and
0:09:55thank goodness that I have never had
0:09:59back problems oh yeah I don't know about
0:10:01you know I feel so I feel that's one
0:10:03where I feel so fortunate my mom had
0:10:05chronic neck and back problems through
0:10:08my whole youth and she was just
0:10:09miserable the whole time of course I
0:10:10thought it was because she was old and
0:10:11had done something wrong I really was
0:10:14your body gets fucked up yeah on my pal
0:10:18his back went out I was with him when it
0:10:22happened he was 20 for the first time
0:10:27and you know and he couldn't I mean I
0:10:30had to carry him and it was traumatic
0:10:33for us both but he has been suffering
0:10:37with this back problem his whole life
0:10:38and and you know I
0:10:41I've gotten away scot-free I'm pretty
0:10:44I'm pretty big and I I worried that my
0:10:48back was gonna be was gonna you know be
0:10:52in trouble but
0:10:54I he called me earlier this year and
0:10:56said just wanted to call I hadn't talked
0:10:59to you in a while I'm going into surgery
0:11:00I'm having this major back surgery and
0:11:05it involved like going in through the
0:11:07front and the back and putting all this
0:11:13stuff in there and and you know but he
0:11:15was like I'm at the point now where by
0:11:17not getting it done I'm I'm having nerve
0:11:21damage to my feet you know I might not
0:11:23and then it's a whole spinal column
0:11:26thing yeah and even then he called me
0:11:29then a couple of weeks later and he was
0:11:30like we're holding off and it's because
0:11:35the the rate of success is like it's not
0:11:39that it's low it's just that you just
0:11:41enter into a whole other world where you
0:11:44can't go back to not having at the
0:11:46surgery but in the dental world my
0:11:51goodness they are very very enthusiastic
0:11:53about these men these major surgeries
0:11:56that involve your entire face and I've
0:11:59never had anybody say and I've talked to
0:12:03a lot of people about it it's not just
0:12:04one person never had anybody say well
0:12:07you know whatever problem you're having
0:12:10it's probably gonna be in the long run
0:12:14less of a big deal than sawing your face
0:12:17in half and grafting it together with
0:12:20titanium bolts and you know don't worry
0:12:23we've got that all fake it's a very
0:12:24personal area we're like a little kid
0:12:28and you have a loose tooth and how it
0:12:30like even when it's just loose let alone
0:12:32like close to coming out it changes the
0:12:34way you feel like the way that you bite
0:12:37the way your whole face feels yeah and
0:12:39they're very careful here about saying
0:12:40well we got a whole program we can go
0:12:41through here I learned about any
0:12:42newsletter there's a whole thing you saw
0:12:44your face in half we put in some screws
0:12:45and then your life will be you know
0:12:47different yeah I told I told you I mean
0:12:50the the shocker for me was that for
0:12:52years and years they'd been saying we're
0:12:55gonna break your lower jaw saw some
0:12:57piece of it out and move your lower jaw
0:13:00back so that it fits with your yes my
0:13:03lady had done
0:13:04right man when she was in that state you
0:13:06saw that one time I don't she was that's
0:13:08a hell of a thing
0:13:10massive thing she was really laid up is
0:13:13that right I don't know that is no my
0:13:16teeth just comes straight on - ha
0:13:19there's no over I got like a raptor yeah
0:13:23the over-under is that I am just like a
0:13:25yeah like a like a Wolf Trap and and I
0:13:30guess one of the things of course is
0:13:32that your teeth do wear whereas your you
0:13:38know like I well honestly that's the
0:13:40story of getting old everything wears
0:13:41here's my my knee creaks because it's
0:13:44just wearing out just like your car does
0:13:46not start an infinite number of times
0:13:48every if you if you're the kind of nerd
0:13:51that I am you know that when you buy a
0:13:52laptop and you turn it on and you go and
0:13:54look at the battery information your
0:13:56laptop is rated for 1000 charges but if
0:13:59you think about it in terms of like
0:14:00years you go oh I think this thing
0:14:02should be good for three four five years
0:14:03we think about in terms of after 1,000
0:14:06charges I'm off the reservation this
0:14:08thing just may not work anymore and then
0:14:10pretty soon you get like Donald Trump
0:14:11you start stressing in your body's a
0:14:12battery and you should ride and ride in
0:14:13a car when you play golf every time you
0:14:17start your car that's one less time your
0:14:18car will start yep yep
0:14:21every time I bite into a late night hot
0:14:23dog sandwich it's you know there's not
0:14:27an infinite number of those in my future
0:14:34oh sure I mean that's the thing when
0:14:38you're young you think like you got hot
0:14:40dogs am just stretching to infinity well
0:14:49let's think how many more times am I
0:14:50gonna make that sandwich I know I know I
0:14:54know
0:14:54in my life how many how many times will
0:14:57I be in a position where I will be
0:14:58allowed to make that sandwich you ever
0:14:59calculate how many Saturdays you get
0:15:01before your kid stops liking you don't
0:15:05do it but-but-but the term of the
0:15:10terminal moment with the dentist's was
0:15:12the time I went in to talk to a
0:15:14specialist and he was this like
0:15:17he was a diminutive man with a big white
0:15:20sort of Einstein haircut who drove a
0:15:23Porsche 911 which is how you know you
0:15:25have got a good dentist and and I think
0:15:30he was probably wearing driving shoes
0:15:32and maybe even driving gloves and he
0:15:38said he said and I was like wow you know
0:15:41everybody wants to break my jaw move it
0:15:43backward and he laughed at me as though
0:15:47that was my idea right and he was like
0:15:49let me ask you a question what what do
0:15:55you think happens when you when you like
0:15:57move a jaw back does it does it improve
0:16:02your airflow or what it constrict your
0:16:05airflow and I'm like it's just a I
0:16:09didn't know there was gonna be a test
0:16:10Yeah right
0:16:11I have no dog in this race why don't you
0:16:14tell me and he was like no no we don't
0:16:16do that anymore we don't move the jaw
0:16:17back because it just makes your airway
0:16:21more constricted and I was like I don't
0:16:24like the sound of us constricted airway
0:16:26he says exactly
0:16:27he said now we cut the your top palate
0:16:31off and then it improves your that
0:16:36sounds so much if it's the top and not
0:16:38the bottom my gosh Wow how could you
0:16:40refuse like yeah Wow a piece of pizza
0:16:44too fast and my palates ruined for three
0:16:46days they were just moving forward my
0:16:48airflow of you greatly improved they
0:16:50wouldn't get mouth meat anymore oh but
0:16:52this you know like in the and I think
0:16:54this is true of all the surgeries right
0:16:55in the back surgery world there are
0:16:57people walking around or maybe not
0:16:59walking around whose backs were or were
0:17:03operated on thirty five years ago and
0:17:05they put they put like two big metal
0:17:08bars in there and screwed it together
0:17:10put gaffers tape around it and stand
0:17:12together with drywall screws and
0:17:14nowadays they go in and you know they
0:17:18they they whistle while they work and
0:17:20they put some fiber-optic cable in there
0:17:22and you've got CCTV and it's a whole
0:17:26different game but it doesn't make you
0:17:30feel like
0:17:31this is the other problem of Technology
0:17:34right where you feel like now the
0:17:36technology of right now the top forward
0:17:39technology right now is as good as a
0:17:42thing is gonna get mm-hmm but what do
0:17:46you do you get back surgery and then six
0:17:47weeks later somebody puts up a slide at
0:17:49the continuing education dinner and says
0:17:51we've figured it out never do that again
0:17:54let me introduce you to patients 35
0:18:00fuck-all about medicine but it's always
0:18:03seemed so strange to me the way that
0:18:04drug trials work especially when it
0:18:06comes to something like like a
0:18:07life-saving drug like an AIDS drug or a
0:18:08cancer drug and the only as I understand
0:18:10it the only really scientifically valid
0:18:12way is to have a test group in a control
0:18:14group yeah so like half of the people
0:18:16getting it are getting you know a sugar
0:18:19pill yeah because that's what you got to
0:18:20do for the science but like when you go
0:18:22in you got the guy with the Porsche and
0:18:24the driving shoes it kind of feels like
0:18:25this guy is gonna be on my side this guy
0:18:27has the great state of the art
0:18:28technologies but then it just comes down
0:18:30to like I don't know Star Trek versus
0:18:32Star Wars people and like oh you know no
0:18:34this is definitely the way this is
0:18:36definitely the way you you don't want it
0:18:37you don't want to get with this off the
0:18:38bottom half guys those guys are
0:18:40hucksters off the top top train it's
0:18:46like the Dead Kennedys say you know one
0:18:48thing's fixed and the other falls apart
0:18:49Jesus Christ Wow huh jello so right now
0:18:53trust your mechanic you know what I'm
0:18:55saying trust your mechanic this episode
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0:20:38code are OTL are thanks to Mac Weldon
0:20:41for supporting Roderick on the line and
0:20:43all the great shows I typically as you
0:20:51know try and go through this you know
0:20:56life on this on this big bloop Big Blue
0:20:59Marble in space by relying on as few
0:21:05things as I can right I don't try and I
0:21:08try not to rely on technology I try not
0:21:10to rely on comfort you talked about this
0:21:13a great deal in the past it feels like a
0:21:14lot of it a lot of it comes down to like
0:21:16your will and wanting to make sure that
0:21:18you can get by but you said rather
0:21:20candidly that you want to limit the
0:21:21number of things that might go away
0:21:23after an apocalypse and you'd have no
0:21:24way to get it back now what not now you
0:21:26know you're hooked on jaw surgery for
0:21:27the rest of your life a buck is to trade
0:21:32for that I mean I there are I'm sure all
0:21:35kinds of benefits that attend someone
0:21:39who attaches themselves like attach
0:21:43themselves to hoses and eels like John
0:21:46Travolta in know in spaceship earth oh
0:21:51okay we're like the guy from Dillon
0:21:55Channing that movie where he's a pod boy
0:21:56we've got
0:21:57houses in him he's got the neck thing
0:21:59yeah big guy with the hoses in the neck
0:22:01face hoses the neck thing I needs a
0:22:02battery for a robot planet until they
0:22:04figure out all this is the matrix red
0:22:06pill red pill red pill mental if you
0:22:08want if you want a battery pack for a
0:22:10robot planet I'm sure you get a lot of
0:22:13good stuff I know the surgery is gonna
0:22:14be good free land put this thing in the
0:22:15back of your neck it's gonna be really
0:22:16it's a yeah right like just put your
0:22:19credit card information in just you know
0:22:21like scan your iris the free try and
0:22:24then when you drive around town every
0:22:26time you get a ticket for running or a
0:22:28yellow light it take it'll go right to
0:22:30your bank account you don't even have to
0:22:31think about it that's right we'll just
0:22:33capture all the data yeah so good for
0:22:36you isn't that convenient
0:22:39but I tried to like limit the number of
0:22:42those particularly the ones where the
0:22:44the ones that people do voluntarily
0:22:46without thinking about it like I've got
0:22:48it I've got a conditioner that works
0:22:51with my hair and it costs whatever cost
0:22:54seventy dollars but if I don't have my
0:22:56conditioner than my hair just doesn't
0:23:00let's let's tear the veil away a lot of
0:23:03people shampoo and condition way too
0:23:05much whoa oh yeah yes they do if you I
0:23:09don't want to take you off your story
0:23:10but I'm here to tell you if you get off
0:23:11that particular merry-go-round you'll
0:23:13discover that you can mostly wash your
0:23:15hair about once a week and you'll do way
0:23:16better because you know what it is it's
0:23:18like Carmex for your head you're you're
0:23:20drawing out all the things that your
0:23:21head would do naturally and now you're
0:23:23addicted you're addicted to Neutrogena
0:23:24yeah don't put Carmex on your head tap
0:23:27with carbon technology no no the thing
0:23:32is now you know now you're just a slide
0:23:34in slide show you're top of mind for him
0:23:56your healthcare is top of mind for the
0:23:58German driving dentist yeah he's just
0:24:00he's just knock him down he can see
0:24:04those fighter planes mm-hmm but so I try
0:24:08to limit that stuff but the problem is
0:24:10at a certain point
0:24:11right here I am I'm sitting I'm I'm a
0:24:13man in his forties and I have a missing
0:24:15tooth today and there is a better
0:24:18solution there is a better solution and
0:24:23that solution is to get something
0:24:25slightly more permanent yeah now I have
0:24:29I was putting my little pills in my
0:24:30little pill box today mm-hmm
0:24:33because once I started taking my pill
0:24:36for my bipolar and I discovered that it
0:24:41worked for me and it was a medication
0:24:42that I actually endorsed then then
0:24:46another doctor who had been saying to me
0:24:48for a long time you have high blood
0:24:51pressure you have hypertension is what
0:24:53they say and I was like yeah yeah yeah
0:24:56just the same as I had said about
0:24:57everything that every time surprise
0:24:59surprise another doctor who has a
0:25:01diagnosis about what's wrong with me and
0:25:10so I was like all right what's the story
0:25:13you know now I'm taking this one
0:25:14medication what's the story with this
0:25:16high blood pressure and he and the dad
0:25:17know then I switched it all over to the
0:25:20lady doctor that had yelled at me about
0:25:21bipolar and I was like you're my new
0:25:23doctor I want you to tell me I want you
0:25:25to yell me about everything because
0:25:26you're good at it she passed muster
0:25:27right she did and she said to me I don't
0:25:30think I yelled at you before I think you
0:25:32I think your story has become inflated
0:25:34Sheila's a nice oh yeah okay and I said
0:25:38you absolutely did I I marked it down in
0:25:42my book of quotations in your mind
0:25:44Palace and she was like I don't know
0:25:46that doesn't sound like me and I was
0:25:47like it sounds exactly like you listen
0:25:49to you now into her analysis of how
0:25:55things are going like if anything else
0:25:57needs to be put into your tiny pill box
0:25:59yeah you have hypertension you need to
0:26:01take this pill so I took it it was just
0:26:03a you know it's just a diary you got a
0:26:05diuretic it's just like drinking coffee
0:26:07okay and she was like yeah okay it's
0:26:14doing okay but now you need to take a
0:26:15second one because a lot of times we
0:26:17don't get it on the first pass you need
0:26:19to take two I was like okay you know
0:26:21what you're you're a doctor lady you're
0:26:24thrown pills at me that's
0:26:25you know I'm not fighting you anymore so
0:26:28now I got those two that I put into so
0:26:31then I was like well shit now I need a
0:26:33pillbox um what about ya
0:26:34and I went and I looked because I wanted
0:26:37a cool pillbox old lady pillboxes and
0:26:46having embroidery on it you install or
0:26:49something fucking steampunk you know
0:26:51what the big type on it that's like
0:26:52Monday morning Monday afternoon I'm not
0:26:55one of those I wanted something cool and
0:26:59every day in my freaking Instagram feed
0:27:01some ad pops up for something that's
0:27:04like dude well and it's a but you know
0:27:06like order a box and it's got a knife
0:27:08and a hatchet and mustache wax and like
0:27:12you know like all this crap that nobody
0:27:14needs that's like sandalwood Kipple box
0:27:19they send you stuff you don't need you
0:27:21subscribe to that you get another eel
0:27:22now you're getting a free bar well not
0:27:24free you're getting a subsidized box of
0:27:26shit every month yeah it's leather Kerry
0:27:30John asked Yulin sometimes yeah it's for
0:27:33daily care everybody carries that what
0:27:35they call it yeah well there is some
0:27:37there's there's aspects of everyday
0:27:39carry but if something's coming every
0:27:40month that means you're presumably
0:27:42changing your everyday carrier don't
0:27:44give you a bandolier one give you a
0:27:46Chewbacca belt yeah and I feel like your
0:27:48everyday carry people your you know yeah
0:27:51the ones that are real scientific about
0:27:52it they don't want a new thing every
0:27:53month they want to hone it down to like
0:27:56the fishing line that can also be used
0:27:58as a garrote you can also be used as
0:28:00like like a radio for finding freshwater
0:28:02yeah you do is you do a Gorka you get
0:28:05maybe a couple pistols a knife and a
0:28:07tourniquet yeah and a divining and a
0:28:09divining or defining a wire that you
0:28:10could also use for a curette a divining
0:28:12rod wire right you can use to escape to
0:28:15see you know if you throw it you could
0:28:18bind an adversary find an adversary
0:28:20there it is
0:28:21every day yeah you want to have one I
0:28:23have a knife which is also a hatchet but
0:28:24which is also something that you can
0:28:26hook up onto a roof and that knife rely
0:28:31on fucking Bluetooth no it doesn't it
0:28:34does not no no no no you have an
0:28:37untethered hatchet
0:28:38that's right but I'm looking at these
0:28:41things and I'm saying all right where's
0:28:42the you know like where's the bespoke
0:28:44pill box yeah that's what I want right
0:28:47now I want a pill box here's what I want
0:28:50[Music]
0:28:53I want two weeks worth of little doors
0:28:57so that's fourteen of them fourteen
0:29:00little submarine torpedo tube doors
0:29:02Monday to Sunday Monday to Sunday Monday
0:29:04to Sunday that's sitting up you know
0:29:06it's not torpedo tubes it's like an ICBM
0:29:08it's like a like a missile submarine
0:29:10okay they're 14 doors on the top okay
0:29:12each one each one's got a missile in it
0:29:15okay I want it to be small enough to
0:29:19throw in a bag when not notice it I want
0:29:22it to be and so I wanted to have kind of
0:29:23round edges I don't want it like too
0:29:26square
0:29:26okay I want the doors to help me
0:29:29disabuse me here part of it is you're
0:29:31trying to avoid the stuff that you see
0:29:34near the magnifying glasses at Walgreens
0:29:37I don't want it to be like a rainbow
0:29:38colored plastic okay I want it to be
0:29:41something cool that's the individual
0:29:42right that belongs to me
0:29:44and I and so I've been out looking at
0:29:46it's like old apothecary things an old
0:29:49drugstore stuff and like you know
0:29:51searching all the weird bins for to
0:29:54repurpose a thing that has 14 doors
0:29:57because that's my favorite very creative
0:30:00way to approach it the 14 doors yes
0:30:03that's what I'm trying to that's what
0:30:04I'm trying to accomplish and I wouldn't
0:30:05mind if it was silver mm-hmm and had a
0:30:08little blast that's the top return I am
0:30:10getting when I search for a cool pill
0:30:12case or a box yep I'm seeing a nice
0:30:15looking silver one I'm seeing a lot that
0:30:16look like fruit one that's got a Cthulhu
0:30:18on it yeah I don't want that okay but I
0:30:21want to be able to see into the little
0:30:22containers because you want to know
0:30:24which ones are full and which ones are
0:30:25empty you forget what day it is that's
0:30:27right which happens to me every single
0:30:29day but I want it to be you know I want
0:30:32the when the doors are closed I want
0:30:34them to stay closed when the doors are
0:30:35open I want them to stay open mm-hmm so
0:30:37I want this and I'm searching everywhere
0:30:39and nobody's making artisanal pill cases
0:30:43because I guess the artisanal people are
0:30:45all 38 and they're not they're not
0:30:47taking 15 pills and their knees don't
0:30:49hurt anyway then so I had these I had
0:30:52three pills going on and then I was like
0:30:54well I live in Seattle in the wintertime
0:30:56I get a better throw some vitamin D in
0:30:58there since I'm taking pills anyway
0:30:59you could probably do us in b12 too well
0:31:02then I put a put a big bee bee in there
0:31:04except I try and get B in there I feel
0:31:07like I should take a bee I've heard that
0:31:09bees are good for people like me you
0:31:11know back in the day before I was taking
0:31:13all these pills I would throw out
0:31:15sometimes to buy a bottle of B and take
0:31:17it and I it it worked it made me feel
0:31:20better
0:31:20okay huh how's your mood right yeah yeah
0:31:24yeah it does and then uh and then about
0:31:28a year ago a year and a half ago
0:31:30millennium girlfriend started taking
0:31:34Elysium Elysium
0:31:36now come on that sounds like a science
0:31:38fiction thing you remember Elysium
0:31:42Elysium believe you should I asked my
0:31:44doctor if Elysium is right for me I
0:31:46don't think you should talk to your dog
0:31:48is it a new puppet the thing is that the
0:31:50more people know about Elysium unless
0:31:52there is for us well I think that's
0:31:54right because Elysium leas iam will
0:31:56allow you to live forever oh yeah
0:32:00because it binds to your neuro toxins
0:32:02and it takes your health of ease and it
0:32:04turns him into alpha C's analyses are
0:32:07what you need
0:32:07alpha C's are what plants crave it comes
0:32:11down to the alphas you gotta switch your
0:32:13office sure and that and what happens is
0:32:15if you get in there and get your beta
0:32:17blockers that will like anti oxidize
0:32:20your your you know your neural net
0:32:25cancerboys well and what it does is it
0:32:28takes your block chain breaks me see it
0:32:30breaks the RNA okay and converts it into
0:32:33RNP it changes the dispensation to
0:32:37ladder chain exactly okay I'm funny here
0:32:40Elysium health live healthier for longer
0:32:42with science that's right and Elysium so
0:32:45Elysium was this miracle pill that came
0:32:47out that was and part of their
0:32:50stratagems mmm
0:32:53word that they had all these scientists
0:32:55they got all these Nobel scientists to
0:32:57send a lot of white guys and ties and
0:32:59you were like will you endorse this will
0:33:00you endorse this and all the scientists
0:33:02were like yeah sure sure
0:33:04sounds like good science
0:33:06and they were there a bunch of guy a
0:33:07bunch of these scientists on their board
0:33:08of directors they actually put them on
0:33:10the board no these guys look like
0:33:11potatoes with eyeglasses so when they
0:33:14land they all won the Fields Medal and
0:33:15and that's why they're so mad at Matt
0:33:19Damon that's because he won't just to
0:33:22the mansion oh no he won't do the math
0:33:24because they won the Fields Medal for
0:33:27crying out loud okay
0:33:30so okay this stuff this Elysium
0:33:34I'm losing track a little bit here so
0:33:36you got you've got your you've got your
0:33:38brain pill your lady doctor gave you
0:33:39yeah you've got a blood pressure pill -
0:33:44blood pressure field - so up to three
0:33:46pills one of them is a little a little
0:33:49pink pill and one of them is a little
0:33:50very strange little mustard colored pill
0:33:53okay
0:33:54oh they're different kinds you're on a
0:33:56cocktail yep yep drink no so there's
0:34:00three there's three pills and I threw a
0:34:02D in there and then I threw a B in there
0:34:03okay all right thrown the D I threw the
0:34:06d3 I threw in Deez Nuts once anyway so
0:34:18then I'm then I'm hearing this elysium
0:34:20talk around them you know that this is
0:34:22the this is the pillow talk that I had a
0:34:23certain point this is what we're talking
0:34:25about around the breakfast case we're
0:34:26talking hanging out with Generation snap
0:34:27yeah Elysium yeah they're buying glasses
0:34:30from from vending machines yep that's
0:34:32right get a knife from the Elysium
0:34:34Elysium is one of these things where you
0:34:36it's like a it's like a every pill costs
0:34:39a dollar or every pill cost two dollars
0:34:40or something like that but what price
0:34:42for life yeah what price Merlin no no
0:34:46there's how do you put a price on
0:34:47eternity how many extra Saturdays do you
0:34:50want while your daughter still likes all
0:34:52I mean the roughest the problem is
0:34:53that's a finite number they might be a
0:34:55pill to reboot her at some point I'm
0:34:56hoping I think what happens is you get a
0:34:58bunch of Saturdays after she stops
0:35:00liking you yeah that's where the that's
0:35:02where the extra Saturdays come and
0:35:04that's not necessarily where you want
0:35:05them okay no okay you want getting
0:35:07front-loaded okay so at this point
0:35:08you're up - well now wait a minute so I
0:35:10wasn't entirely on board with the
0:35:12Elysium okay but I mean you worked we're
0:35:14up to three or four five ish by five
0:35:17arrests five pills okay
0:35:19oh okay so before the Elysium my mom
0:35:23came to me and said I'm taking these
0:35:25pills which are good for your joints is
0:35:29it closed min chondroitin yes and I said
0:35:33what evidence do you have these are good
0:35:36for the joint
0:35:36I think dr. Oz likes it and she said
0:35:39there is no evidence that it's good for
0:35:41the joints but I take them on faith huh
0:35:44okay because it's made out of them these
0:35:47pills are made out of the collagen that
0:35:49we use in the joints in the joints so if
0:35:52you had more of it anywhere to go is it
0:35:55like repairing the ladder DNA it knows
0:35:57where to go it seeks out the joint areas
0:35:59and then replenishes none like some kind
0:36:00of a supply mission this is what we
0:36:02don't know but if you give your body
0:36:04more of this stuff it can hurt I mean
0:36:06what's it gonna do it's what you pee it
0:36:09away it's like a vitamin C for your
0:36:10joints you know or the little dudes and
0:36:12hardhats that live inside your body that
0:36:14move like eyebeams around okay are gonna
0:36:16be like we got some more that's right
0:36:20exactly was a little sergeant-major
0:36:22that's like put that in there cuz I got
0:36:30this bum knees that I got when I jumped
0:36:33off the Billy out the outfield wall at
0:36:35RFK Stadium during a Grateful Dead
0:36:36concert in 1990 oh and this is unrelated
0:36:39so when you fell off that piece of
0:36:40equipment at the dump it's a completely
0:36:42unrelated this is a bad knee that goes
0:36:44all the way back to 1990 okay it's
0:36:46basically Jerry Garcia's seog bad knee
0:36:48yep that's right and so why not because
0:36:51when I go to the doctor about the bad
0:36:52knee and I'm like eyelet knee is kind of
0:36:54killing me the doctor says you don't
0:36:56want to do a knee surgery until you have
0:36:57to like oh so what you're saying is I
0:37:00wrap an ace bandage around it and I
0:37:01pretend everything's fine taut and the
0:37:03doctor says wrap an ace bandage around
0:37:05it you don't have to pretend it's fine
0:37:06[Laughter]
0:37:14maybe you pee him out maybe you don't
0:37:16but what you know what do you want to do
0:37:18is it's a dollar a day how many
0:37:19Saturdays do you want right right anyway
0:37:22so I look up I look at this amazing
0:37:23house I could get turned against you Oh
0:37:25everything gets turned against you yeah
0:37:27that's how they get you that's how they
0:37:31so the man who if memory serves I
0:37:34brought you theraflu one time and you
0:37:36didn't want to take you or deathly
0:37:37deathly ill you had to show a great
0:37:38American you were very very sick I think
0:37:40I brought you some ephedrine and a
0:37:42theraflu and you didn't want either one
0:37:44because you doesn't like to put that
0:37:45stuff in your body well what happens
0:37:47with the theraflu hmm back in 1991 when
0:37:54I knew a lot of junkies I knew more
0:37:57junkies in 1991 than I know now sir it
0:38:03was I know I I think that that might
0:38:06have been peak junkie although I the
0:38:10thing is now I know Seattle I think in
0:38:12West Virginia they're doing pretty good
0:38:13right now
0:38:14well that's right it's all flipped
0:38:16around yeah back then being a junkie was
0:38:19the thing that you did if you were now
0:38:25it's just if you're living in if you're
0:38:27living in West Virginia and you're
0:38:28working on cars we got to talk about
0:38:30that someday that is so fucked up it's
0:38:32really terrible every time I read about
0:38:33I'm more completely freaked out it's a
0:38:35crime against humanity it's sickening
0:38:37that you don't think about when you
0:38:39think about the CIA and the government
0:38:41intervening in populations you think
0:38:44about them putting aids into the gay
0:38:46community or you think yeah right yeah
0:38:49you do not think about are you it isn't
0:38:52typically thought of as a concern as
0:38:54they concede you one paragraph I
0:38:56screenshot yesterday did have the heart
0:38:57to post it but this is I think I want to
0:38:58say from Washington Post article I
0:39:00forget this one paragraph that just had
0:39:02me back on my heels the epidemic has
0:39:04also made some pharmaceutical companies
0:39:05very rich no a real barrier to getting
0:39:08the industry to buy into change okay
0:39:09hang on sales of prescription opioids
0:39:12almost quadrupled between 1999 and 2014
0:39:17you know Forex in 15 years as the number
0:39:20of prescriptions soared
0:39:21by 2010 there were more than eight
0:39:24opioid prescriptions for every ten
0:39:26people for Purdue Pharma the makers of
0:39:29oxycontin have sold more than 25
0:39:31buh-buh-buh billion dollars worth of the
0:39:33drug in the past decade hmm Jesus Christ
0:39:37so you're not on that right now as far
0:39:39as you know if you gave if you backed up
0:39:43the oxycontin truck
0:39:45and you poured that stuff in you know
0:39:47and you gave me as much as I could take
0:39:48yeah I would a take zero but if you gave
0:39:52me if you forced me to have it in my
0:39:53house I would take it out I'd dump it in
0:39:55the pool and little office and let the
0:39:57worms figure it out somewhere downstream
0:40:02some fish in Lake Washington like whoa
0:40:05start chasing the dragon I don't want it
0:40:08I don't want it around yeah you ever not
0:40:10- yeah and and the thing is then the
0:40:12junkies that I knew back in the 90s were
0:40:14like shooting shooting up that was how
0:40:17you were a junkie been like needle based
0:40:19heroin the whole thing you cook it there
0:40:21in your spoon you do that you do the do
0:40:22you and then if you're lucky you don't
0:40:25die sitting on a toilet at the that's
0:40:28the you know the Cafe Roma and make the
0:40:30employees try and force the door open
0:40:33and then call the ambulance and then the
0:40:34cafes that sucks
0:40:36well they don't make them it's just like
0:40:37who the hell you know it's the employee
0:40:39that's like knock knock knock are you
0:40:40done in there hello managers in back
0:40:42shooting up he's got other people into
0:40:43the toilet exactly okay now now what I
0:40:46know I do know a lot of junkies now but
0:40:48they're all these maintenance junkies
0:40:49where they're like I'm not a junkie I
0:40:51just have to take these pills for
0:40:52anxiety and pain yeah it's like ah fuck
0:40:54your 48 years old and you're fucking
0:40:57strung out yeah tell it to the robot
0:40:58apocalypse I mean you want to talk about
0:41:00an eel yeah no shit the ultra eel I
0:41:03struggle with it I struggle with it yeah
0:41:05I don't want to be back on it so hard
0:41:07that I think about the apocalypse
0:41:08everybody wants it you know it's not you
0:41:11know it's hard it's not that it's easy
0:41:13to not do it yeah it's fucking awful and
0:41:17then you know plus or minus five pills
0:41:21well the thing is the reason I don't
0:41:22take theraflu is that the junkies back
0:41:24in 1991 used to huddle around their
0:41:27little fucking Bic lighter fire and say
0:41:30to each other
0:41:32the secret junkie language that I that I
0:41:36learned epidemic they would say when you
0:41:52can't get junk and you're starting to
0:41:54like get the bads you're starting to get
0:41:57some pts there
0:41:59flew theraflu if you take theraflu it
0:42:02takes the edge off yeah
0:42:03you drink there you shoot it no you
0:42:05don't shoot it my god I could see people
0:42:12suffering people love snorting things
0:42:14yeah I think it would drink you drink it
0:42:17bye bye quelling the flu : food like
0:42:19symptoms
0:42:20it takes down your heebie-jeebie bats
0:42:22that's right it's called it it's that
0:42:24that should have been that should have
0:42:26been there other what when there's sound
0:42:28it's like label usage yeah you want you
0:42:32want to say their slogan should have
0:42:33been theraflu takes the edge off and so
0:42:36I started to think in the early 90s that
0:42:38theraflu was powerful medicine because
0:42:41if it is helping that if it's helping
0:42:43those creepy crawlies yeah if it's
0:42:46helping the feeling that like flies are
0:42:49burrowing in your arms then it's
0:42:51probably stronger than I need one I've
0:42:53got a cold so I typically only employ
0:42:57theraflu when it's like alright I don't
0:42:59even give a shit anymore if I ended up
0:43:00on oxycontin because of this whatever
0:43:02fine drug I'm so freakin sick right now
0:43:06I don't care anyway so I'm up five pills
0:43:09okay
0:43:10but then the Elysium thing feels like
0:43:13it's just got it's just they spent a lot
0:43:16of money on the logo and the label there
0:43:18it seems like a executive drug if you
0:43:22know what I'm saying oh yeah that's what
0:43:24they call know it tropics where these
0:43:26whole class of Unicom drugs it could be
0:43:29herbs it could be some kind of all these
0:43:30things that have very little to zero
0:43:34FDA evidence of everything and that goes
0:43:37back to like the st. John's wort the
0:43:39ginseng like all of these things that
0:43:41have this rap for doing a certain thing
0:43:42you got all the where they call the
0:43:44homoerotic so what are the ones that
0:43:45don't do anything like the asila cockney
0:43:47what are you ready call as homeopathic
0:43:48well you know you P go to Germany and
0:43:51you tell those people that they don't do
0:43:52anything they're gonna get real mad at
0:43:54you you know there's a big lawsuit over
0:43:56st. John's wort there wasn't there
0:43:57didn't they then they crack it down the
0:43:59thing about the Germans and you know we
0:44:01don't know well you know they're hard on
0:44:04Scientology so well and that's the thing
0:44:06like if you're if you are mad about
0:44:07Scientology not not being a real
0:44:10religion yeah but you
0:44:12that the that the cure for an allergic
0:44:14reaction is to give you a micro dose of
0:44:16fucking you know collagen fly wings I
0:44:21feel like you got it you got it easy too
0:44:24much to do the real homeopathy the
0:44:26smaller the doses the more effective it
0:44:28is
0:44:28you have pseudoscience I you know they
0:44:35don't let you take they don't they don't
0:44:36let you take f adran now for where your
0:44:40bad nose sniffles in Germany because
0:44:42they think it's a controlled substance
0:44:43but they give you some you know they
0:44:45give you some tincture of like monkey
0:44:47sweat yeah and they think like oh this
0:44:49is the real this is the real cure you
0:44:51got to get with the program Germans
0:44:53invented aspirin you know they pioneered
0:44:54most of the drugs that we use now a day
0:44:55over then in the Germany at first I
0:44:57thought you said germs invented aspirin
0:45:00and I was wrong this is a new theory I
0:45:01had not heard no no I don't believe in
0:45:03germ theory okay so you're up to five
0:45:04you got 70 pills a week and you're
0:45:06saying yeah you Elysium are you hearing
0:45:08the so let me you're back with
0:45:09millennium girlfriend back in the day
0:45:11and were you persuaded to give Elysium a
0:45:15throw so like with my mom's magic
0:45:18collagen pill I went and did some
0:45:20separate research and the research
0:45:23around and the collagen pill has on the
0:45:26label like this is not we are not at all
0:45:29saying that this does anything but you
0:45:31know but if as long as we have said that
0:45:34we're also gonna say this is amazing
0:45:36and with Elysium it was a thing where
0:45:41they had this substance which was called
0:45:44n ad plus 90 plus NID NAD+ which is
0:45:50nicotinamide something something
0:45:52something nicotinamide something
0:45:55something something plus plus and
0:45:58nicotinamide is pretty easy and cheap to
0:46:01get but if you combine it with some
0:46:05other things an A and a D there's some
0:46:08kind of die mix it against any nicotine
0:46:13in my diet you get this this stuff and
0:46:19then you had a plus on the end
0:46:21and it turned out this is the amazing
0:46:24thing about the story it turned out that
0:46:25there's only one company in the country
0:46:28that makes NAD+ and Elysium gets their
0:46:34NAD+ from this same company that
0:46:36everybody else does because there's only
0:46:39one company that makes it oh they're
0:46:40just white labeling something that's
0:46:42almost a commodity yeah Elysium
0:46:46commercial bespoke formula No
0:46:48okay no they just discovered Elysium
0:46:50'he's discovered that it did this other
0:46:52amazing stuff those all the 50 nobel
0:46:55scientists all were the ones that were
0:46:56like
0:46:57and i think they combined it with a
0:46:59separate a second ingredient so so it's
0:47:02not just nad plus its nad plus plus
0:47:07that's the plus it's some kind of plus
0:47:10it's the other plus it's the reason that
0:47:12japanese-made i've been as tube
0:47:14screamers sound better than
0:47:15american-made i beneath korean-made i
0:47:18because because the plus plus okay
0:47:21hippie to a second ingredient that's
0:47:23right it has a diode
0:47:25okay that's second diode there's light
0:47:27emitting so I said well if the active
0:47:31ingredient in Elysium is nad plus why
0:47:34don't I just get my nad plus from the
0:47:36bulk supplier and the answer to that you
0:47:41know the pillow-talk answer was well
0:47:43Elysium is something else and basically
0:47:45like don't fight city hall it's got all
0:47:48these it's got all these scientists the
0:47:53design of this jar it's it's very very
0:47:55modern sure you put that on your counter
0:47:57and people say why did I go up with like
0:48:00a Whole Foods plastic bag full of powder
0:48:03is cool what's it called basis by
0:48:07elysium have that sit on your desk or
0:48:09sorry I can't raise Hotelling desk or
0:48:11your standing desk or your units like
0:48:14it's sitting on your desk right next to
0:48:17your like five five steel ball clacker
0:48:22[Laughter]
0:48:32you have nap cubes go take a nap in I
0:48:36actually asked a person who had nap
0:48:38cubes in their office does anybody ever
0:48:39go and take a nap in there and they're
0:48:41like what no you would be definitely I'm
0:48:44looked at askance if you went in there
0:48:46and took a nap
0:48:47yeah trap a lobster trap they're gonna
0:48:52see which kind of who the dopes that
0:48:54grab a beer out of the copiously stocked
0:48:57a fridge and who the people who actually
0:48:59use the NAP cube we told you to please
0:49:01use yeah that's right if I worked in an
0:49:03office I would use that NAP cube twice a
0:49:06day and the person I was talking to is
0:49:08like you would be fired it's like it's
0:49:10right there it says nap cube on it right
0:49:13and and they were like oh you doesn't
0:49:15say pivot E box search we're encouraged
0:49:18that PAP cubes but no one ever goes
0:49:20anywhere close yeah anyway so I decided
0:49:23I was gonna start taking I didn't want
0:49:25to get left behind it's a thing when
0:49:27Matt Damon goes up to the to the Elysium
0:49:29and starts kicking ass with all the
0:49:33people that are living in a in a
0:49:34terrarium up in up in wall-e super
0:49:39spaceship I didn't want to be the one
0:49:42that I don't believe I'm gonna picture
0:49:44do like Google for then does he have a
0:49:45science spine in that is that what that
0:49:47is
0:49:47whoo yeah he has a science spine and
0:49:50looks like he's got a GoPro in the back
0:49:51of his head okay
0:49:53because in the future everybody has a
0:49:54science spine and everybody is a karate
0:49:56master but they all live they all live
0:49:58down on earth in like Johannesburg while
0:50:01this bet while the specials live up in
0:50:03Elysium in like the wall-e thing except
0:50:07they're not they're not chubby okay the
0:50:11wall we knew they got peloton or like
0:50:14one of those things up there the well
0:50:15the thing is I think they're taking in a
0:50:17B D plus plus it's got any D plus yeah
0:50:20so I was like look I'm not gonna sit
0:50:22here and watch you take a Liam every day
0:50:24and not also do it but I don't want to
0:50:26be I'm calling would that be for her to
0:50:28outlive you well and things she's
0:50:30already younger than me I now she's got
0:50:31she's got an edge so I wanted all the
0:50:33Saturdays I wanted more Saturdays so I
0:50:36started taking nad well
0:50:37then so that goes in the pillbox and
0:50:40then I was when I started taking the
0:50:44bipolar medicine I started to feel like
0:50:47I wasn't remembering certain
0:50:50conversation thinkable over a couple of
0:50:53gingko biloba what is taken oh so so I
0:50:58went online
0:50:58uh-huh everything I get is online yeah I
0:51:02went on that's the biggest deal of all
0:51:04online your than oxycontin online is
0:51:07your big deal they're gonna raise your
0:51:08price on prime you can be so mad they're
0:51:12like guess what prime is born I didn't
0:51:18want it in the print place I paid more
0:51:20for it now yeah now I got to watch 40
0:51:23movies a week just to pay it off so oh
0:51:27yeah an Hodgman gave me clear clear
0:51:30which lets you go through the airports
0:51:32without talking to anybody
0:51:33alright but you passed that on is it
0:51:36like nobility do you yeah you have to be
0:51:38like you have somebody that knows you
0:51:40they vouch for you yeah United but then
0:51:43the way Claire works is after you've had
0:51:44it for a while on yeah if you've had
0:51:46Hodgman clear then they're like we build
0:51:48your account for your payment for clear
0:51:52they pay for it you pay you big house
0:51:55would you keep out the smokes
0:51:57yeah you're keeping Snorks out who don't
0:52:00who don't have the money to pay for it
0:52:11nobody else would being clear I want to
0:52:13clear the woman didn't even she walked
0:52:21past she gave she gave the Heisman to
0:52:23the TSA guy she's like she was like this
0:52:25guy's with me and she walked me right up
0:52:27to the pret Upton thing and I was just
0:52:28like whoa yeah okay one day I feel like
0:52:31I'm gonna get in that clear line and
0:52:33instead of putting me on the flight that
0:52:35I'm taking to Atlanta it's gonna put me
0:52:37on a flight to Elysium and they're just
0:52:39gonna say don't worry about it with this
0:52:40you're not going to Atlanta anymore cuz
0:52:43Atlanta doesn't exist we're going up but
0:52:45the problem with it is if you amateur
0:52:47eyes it
0:52:48you gotta fly 40 times to make it seem
0:52:51like it's real all jiminy would you play
0:52:53would you pay $10 to not have to put
0:52:55your gruel should be more like an
0:52:56airport lounge where if you can go in
0:52:58like there's been times when I'm like
0:52:59shit yeah I'll pay 50 bucks to sit in
0:53:01this place for two hours
0:53:02you'd not be with the Snorks but I
0:53:04wouldn't want to have to be charged for
0:53:05it every month if I'm not using I'll you
0:53:07get charged you get charged huh the
0:53:10number of times I fly a year it's right
0:53:14at the line where it's like I'm paying
0:53:17$15 per time I fly no now is that
0:53:21there'll be one time when that is a
0:53:23hundred and fifty thousand percent worth
0:53:25it right and then a bunch of times when
0:53:26maybe they're letting you know they do
0:53:28the freebie days where the Snorks get to
0:53:29go through you've seen that it's clear
0:53:33but there's the one where you get to go
0:53:34to one of the special lines like oh yeah
0:53:36today free trial you get to go through
0:53:37the special line over here because we're
0:53:38not very busy today no no that's not
0:53:42gonna be clear cuz clear requires
0:53:43clearly wants you to do a retinal scan
0:53:45and all this okay all right you have to
0:53:47be you know you have to be willing to
0:53:48endure you have to be willing to wear
0:53:52your privilege on your sleeve if you're
0:53:54going to go through cure or clear
0:53:56there's no better place to wear
0:53:57privilege if you've not though at an
0:53:59airport yes that's a perfect place for
0:54:00privilege oh that's true too but if
0:54:03you're at the airport and you're looking
0:54:04over there and there's a guy there's a
0:54:06guy with a corncob pipe and he's got two
0:54:08chickens on his shoulders and he's like
0:54:32The Simpsons the Seinfeld music and I I
0:54:46was I got dropped off by my lift uh-huh
0:54:50and I was sitting at the gate in six
0:54:54minutes
0:54:54but terminal terminal 1 terminal is that
0:54:58open again yeah that's the
0:55:02yeah they got a big like Calder mobile
0:55:05no they don't but they should it's the
0:55:07type of thing where they keep them
0:55:11straight I think United is 3 well
0:55:13there's international which is totally
0:55:14baller
0:55:15that's where version is I don't fly
0:55:17United and I think one used to be the
0:55:23odds and sods one and I think they
0:55:25really did it
0:55:26ok all right you did it it is that's a
0:55:29six minutes is insane it's insane
0:55:32it's almost like how it used to be to go
0:55:34to the airport just right use login you
0:55:37get here's my bags could be anything in
0:55:39there I don't know walk on through give
0:55:40you say hot sam back in the day when my
0:55:42dad would walk me down to the gate yes
0:55:44on the plane and play with the person
0:55:47and just say on the strength I promise
0:55:49to get off the plane yeah yeah yeah will
0:55:51they be like all right everybody that's
0:55:52not flying get off the plane now my god
0:55:54be like alright here's the drink on the
0:55:56way out here's a check for your mother
0:55:57don't lose it like my dad would walk me
0:56:01down to the gate sometimes and they'd be
0:56:02like oh we've closed the gate and the
0:56:04jetway is pulled away and my dad would
0:56:06say I'm Dave Roderick let me tell you
0:56:08why you need to bring the jetway back to
0:56:10the plane and they'd be like all right I
0:56:12mean that happened more than once if we
0:56:14bring the jetway fact we withhold here
0:56:25at some point your millennium girlfriend
0:56:27had gotten you on to the Elysium so I'm
0:56:30taking an 8020 bus but then I started to
0:56:34I started to like people would say well
0:56:36I remember you when you were talking to
0:56:38that girl and you said this and I was I
0:56:39remember right what do you mean and my
0:56:43memory is is like a big part of um yes
0:56:47my self-identity it's your brand I mean
0:56:50I know I remember I remember things and
0:56:53all of a sudden the thing is I still
0:56:54could tell you all about the Grateful
0:56:56Dead concert where I broke my knee but I
0:56:58couldn't remember having met this person
0:56:59a week and a half ago and it's it
0:57:02spooked me and so I went on maybe maybe
0:57:05it retards ate part of my saying here
0:57:06retards aging by losing memories so you
0:57:09feel like you're younger right right or
0:57:11you just throw your lef encumbered by
0:57:13the weight of metal it's like a clear
0:57:14line for experience
0:57:15I didn't want that no and so I go online
0:57:18and you know if you if you look at the
0:57:21contraindications of drugs they all say
0:57:24the same thing which is this drug may
0:57:27may give you the following symptoms
0:57:29which is every conceivable symptom that
0:57:31you could feel as a human being like
0:57:33memory loss or you might not be able to
0:57:35hold your poo in well there's always a
0:57:38diarrhea headache yeah and then but
0:57:40there's one like I've watched too much
0:57:41NBC which is increasingly making me
0:57:43realize what an old person network is
0:57:45because it's all old person ads but I'll
0:57:47be like you know uh salon tricks treats
0:57:53do not take if you're allergic to
0:57:55cilantro excellent tricks may cause
0:57:56suicidal ideations like really right
0:57:58right so in Turks might make your
0:58:00mustache fall off so there's a lot of
0:58:03things I can ukulele music one of the
0:58:12things that they said on the line was
0:58:15they said yes if you take lamictal
0:58:19lamotrigine the limit to lamotrigine i
0:58:23used to well it may affect your memory
0:58:27but the thing that helps your memory it
0:58:30may also the black box warning indicates
0:58:32you might also get a deadly skin rash oh
0:58:34that's right and that's the bad stuff
0:58:36because every once and every once in a
0:58:38blue mood somebody is taking lamictal or
0:58:43lamotrigine in their skin falls off oh
0:58:45my shrink who is like he was like a 9r
0:58:49and like psychiatrist he would give me
0:58:50anything but he's like look look in my
0:58:52eyes seriously be very you're gonna
0:58:55start with like 1/10 of a pill we'll try
0:58:57that for a week then we'll go to like
0:58:591/8 of a pill like this is this stuff it
0:59:02is serious and it will hit you fast if
0:59:04you if you end up being one of the
0:59:06people it's a black box warnings one of
0:59:07those rare things that's like high
0:59:08really big warning you will die if you
0:59:11take this wrong you'll die in a really
0:59:13bad way your skin will fall off which is
0:59:15a bet your skin died yes if you have to
0:59:20lose one thing your skin shouldn't be it
0:59:23memory serves its on label for epilepsy
0:59:25if he serves an off-label for I got a
0:59:28from mood stabilization
0:59:29yeah well and the mood stabilization was
0:59:31the thing that they had they hadn't
0:59:34approved for epilepsy and then it was
0:59:36just one of those like licking the toad
0:59:38in the Amazon rainforest touching such
0:59:41patients since they're like wait a
0:59:43minute all these people that had both
0:59:45severe epilepsy or severe seizures let's
0:59:48call them and also seem to be bipolar
0:59:51wow look at this
0:59:52they're not sad anymore and they're not
0:59:54they didn't gamble their house away this
0:59:56week which is a big improvement for them
0:59:58no they lost is their skin
0:59:58no they lost is their skin
1:00:00as you see my largest organ so so I go
1:00:04online and they're like if you are
1:00:06suffering from memory loss from taking
1:00:08lamictal the thing that works is if you
1:00:14take an AC plus or minus
1:00:17just regular Prime it's NEC prime MA see
1:00:20there's no plus or minus it's like an
1:00:23asset island Castaway salons they're
1:00:27doing a lot of work in those letters
1:00:28they are NAC not an on crash test
1:00:37dummies plus and so I was like well this
1:00:42is confusing because I'm already taking
1:00:43NAD+ are you telling me I'm taking NEC
1:00:45now to to to stave off the memory loss
1:00:49from taking lamictal lamotrigine and you
1:00:52know oh this is how they get you yeah so
1:00:55I said all right
1:00:56shit shit dawg I got a pill case now
1:00:59that is the size of a Honda Civic it's
1:01:02got 14 doors I'm just throwing pills in
1:01:05here
1:01:06so I ordered some NAC and the problem is
1:01:10as soon as the NAC showed up they both
1:01:12have because they don't have Elysium
1:01:13style labels they just have whatever
1:01:16junk junk style labels when I run out of
1:01:20one of them I can't remember whether
1:01:24it's the NAC or the nad oh no no I very
1:01:32different no they look but is it just
1:01:34see I take a bunch of stuff that's just
1:01:36like white stuff in a capsule yeah along
1:01:38that's what this is and it just looks
1:01:40like German tinctures right because
1:01:44neither one of them is like is is FDA
1:01:47approved for any I mean yeah you know I
1:01:49think is approved for asthma attacks
1:01:52yeah but it also restores your memory
1:01:54and nad+ is basically like a placebo
1:01:59that makes you think you're gonna live
1:02:00on a speech you need a really good tilt
1:02:06case is what you need I do what
1:02:09basically I need one that's a fanny
1:02:10packs
1:02:11step but strapped to my leg like like
1:02:14Tomb Raider I'm feeling a little bit
1:02:23memory weird
1:02:23Kapow my memory might be better but I'm
1:02:26not sure I'll stop taking it down that's
1:02:29the other thing with the limit tellers
1:02:30yeah taper off - don't don't do that
1:02:33don't and sometimes I forget and then
1:02:34it's like oh boy it's been a whole day
1:02:36but apparently it stays in your body for
1:02:37like a couple of days so you don't have
1:02:39to freak out your skin won't fall off
1:02:40yeah but with any D when you go online
1:02:42you're like I want some NAD+ I'm looking
1:02:44on Amazon right now they have a life
1:02:46extension brand NAD+ cell cell
1:02:50regenerator Unicode nicotine gum I read
1:02:55both side I was liven Radley Slavin it's
1:02:58yeah reiben flavin was my roommate in
1:03:01college
1:03:05so the problem with NAD+ is that all
1:03:08those things on Amazon so I went on
1:03:10right and I was like what's the optimal
1:03:13dosage of NAD+ and they were like well
1:03:16you can take up to 500 milligrams but we
1:03:19think you pee out the last 200 of that
1:03:21so the so the ideal dosage of this thing
1:03:24that we don't know what it does is add
1:03:26250 milligrams a day not sure sounds
1:03:28that sounds about right that's what I
1:03:29would have guessed yeah yeah but a lot
1:03:31of the bottles that you buy because I
1:03:33don't want to sit be taking this stuff
1:03:34all day a lot of these lobbies come in
1:03:36125 we might have to double up which I
1:03:40hate this is how they get you your order
1:03:44from Amazon you get it on Prime and now
1:03:46it's not gonna fit a goddamn pillbox
1:03:47getting the pillbox from Amazon and I
1:03:49was just raised their prices give me a
1:03:50fucking break I thought at one time and
1:03:52it was like you know something like 50
1:03:56doses 250 milligrams and it came and
1:03:59then I turned the bottle over and read
1:04:03it more carefully and it was like
1:04:04service emphasized to serving sides -
1:04:07yeah and I was just like oh I want you
1:04:09to die a thousand deaths a few people
1:04:11with your fake labels like just make a
1:04:13two hundred fifty milligram pills I know
1:04:14you can
1:04:15yeah so make the whole plane out of nad
1:04:17that's right right I so I took I have to
1:04:21take another 45 minutes going and
1:04:22searching all these things to find out
1:04:24which one is
1:04:26pill container you better hope you don't
1:04:29mix them up or have a little spill uh-uh
1:04:32nowhere well in every single one of them
1:04:34is slightly different size or slightly
1:04:36different color so I I kind of know what
1:04:39their what they're doing but now I'm
1:04:40taking a bunch of pills that's like as
1:04:42big as a bird's nest like I feel like
1:04:45I'm eating four blue eggs a day can I
1:04:47say just on the toss this out hi this is
1:04:49not on you I feel like it might be a
1:04:51little bit of a constraint of your
1:04:53imagination cuz your thing about pillbox
1:04:55what if we take it from a different
1:04:55angle what about more like a tackle box
1:04:58the tackle box or maybe like a like an
1:05:01artist's supply box yeah very cool art
1:05:05of supply boxes it's gotta fit in a
1:05:07small bag well but see what the amount
1:05:10of things you're taking you might need
1:05:11another bag you might be spoke pill
1:05:13Filson this is the thing I'm afraid of
1:05:19because first of all I don't know if
1:05:21some of these oh and then because I'm
1:05:22taking a B in the D I figured why not
1:05:25throw a fish oil pill in there God is
1:05:29the size of Moscow give me an update
1:05:31account where you are on a daily basis
1:05:33how many was talking about you some
1:05:34talking about like nine pills or nine
1:05:36pills and I don't know which ones
1:05:39counteract which ones some of them
1:05:41you're not supposed to drink grapefruit
1:05:42juice yeah this one over here says
1:05:44there's no soup like I don't get a
1:05:47project manager for your life you end up
1:05:50being the de-facto project manager for
1:05:52all the pills you put in your face and
1:05:53how are you doing now you're not a
1:05:54physician when all these things are like
1:05:56these aren't these aren't prescription
1:05:58drugs these are just shit I find it's
1:06:00cool there's no lethal dose right except
1:06:04what happens I mean like if I sat down
1:06:07with the pharmacologist
1:06:08which is what they call them and I said
1:06:12all right here's all the pills what do
1:06:14you think of this yeah they're gonna get
1:06:16into your interactions and agonism and
1:06:17whatnot yeah and are they gonna say like
1:06:19well nine out of ten of these pills are
1:06:21just in that one fish oil because that's
1:06:23all we any of us really need just take
1:06:26one fish oil pill a day
1:06:27say if you take this little little pill
1:06:31for your heart yeah and this big pill
1:06:33for living on a spaceship yeah the two
1:06:35are going to combine to
1:06:37to turn into a right close I'll abide Oh
1:06:40like a healthful Tron or something you
1:06:43know something is that gonna is that
1:06:45gonna bounce off the free radicals brian
1:06:49says synergism synergy well one plus one
1:06:52is 158 that kind of thing I can't win a
1:06:54fraction what's the opposite of synergy
1:06:57like is he a great man is he you know
1:07:01like does he does he ride the lightning
1:07:05has he ever seen the the fucking c-beams
1:07:08glitter off the Tannhauser game like no
1:07:12I don't want it working John I can tell
1:07:15the pills are working you're lousy with
1:07:17Elysium so one so what I need is
1:07:21basically a thing that when I sit down
1:07:23at the little desk in my hook in my like
1:07:26miserable hotel yes because sometimes
1:07:36when I'm feeling brave I'm like I'm
1:07:38gonna eat all these pills in one gulp oh
1:07:40no no no that's gonna put on your
1:07:44trachea I throw them all in there and I
1:07:46drink this big glass water I'm like yeah
1:07:48but then that voice in my head that's
1:07:52one in all the Saturdays is like what
1:07:54happens you know like all your cool rock
1:07:56star friends all die box cotton
1:07:58overdoses yeah what happens if you're
1:08:00the one that chokes on a fish oil pill
1:08:03like that's gonna that's a bad look on
1:08:06you you you know like don't die young
1:08:08because you're like brave about taking a
1:08:10bunch of like like me boy Billy Joel
1:08:13writes a song about you it's gonna be so
1:08:15sad don't do that that's not that's not
1:08:17beef so now I take him in three gulps
1:08:19okay but you know I just I feel like
1:08:22such a duck like a ding-a-ling
1:08:24yeah it's mm I went from no pill to nine
1:08:28pills yeah and it was just like pill
1:08:31escalation because I was taking one that
1:08:32helped and who knows I mean who knows if
1:08:35I do if I wean myself off all of those
1:08:37if there's gonna if there's apocalypse
1:08:39mm-hmm
1:08:40like and I'm out living a living in the
1:08:42danger
1:08:43am I gonna be am I gonna wean off all
1:08:46these things and then my skin falls off
1:08:47oh and here's the thing is like death
1:08:50stuff may seem to be doing
1:08:51something or nothing so you're not worse
1:08:53off but in like what happens when the
1:08:56apocalypse comes and suddenly daddy got
1:08:57no lamictal how's that gonna go oh well
1:09:00good put some in your survival bucket I
1:09:02figured out a way around that but I'm
1:09:03not gonna tell everybody but I
1:09:05definitely feel like look this whole
1:09:08business of people that take
1:09:10prescriptions which is you're basically
1:09:13tied to the doctor and the drugstore so
1:09:17it's a whole system yeah for me for me
1:09:20that meant having to go to my shrink
1:09:21once a month pick up a paper
1:09:23prescription you're walking into a
1:09:26drugstore have them give me the side eye
1:09:28and then give me exactly 30 days worth
1:09:30of pills yeah exactly 30 days exactly
1:09:34yeah it's like this is not a drug you
1:09:35can abuse there is no secondary market
1:09:37for you can't sell it on the street
1:09:39okay so my license to get fucking
1:09:40claritin-d and that's what for pimples
1:09:43no no no no no that's from my from a
1:09:46breathing first oh yeah you can get that
1:09:52Charlie Brown shit off the shelf but if
1:09:53you want stuff that actually works and
1:09:55maybe gives you a little bit energy you
1:09:56want the claritin-d behind the counter
1:09:57and they give you the side-eye well keep
1:09:59walking outside I I don't want any side
1:10:01eye and also I did not like being
1:10:03tethered to this 30-day thing no no no
1:10:06you're in the teeth of the gears at this
1:10:08point my friend well I'm like what
1:10:10happens if I go offline what happens if
1:10:12I go in the in the hole you know what if
1:10:14you lose the Bitcoin wallet it has all
1:10:16your prescriptions on it exactly what
1:10:17are you gonna do then it's what happens
1:10:19if the walgreens closes what happens if
1:10:21all Walgreens closed once they break the
1:10:23blockchain what if the blockchain breaks
1:10:25them nothing there are no bipolars and
1:10:29foxholes you know what you need to do I
1:10:31think is you need to come up with an
1:10:33honest you've been very forthcoming
1:10:34today and for that I respect to you you
1:10:36need to call with a spec you know to
1:10:38paraphrase Donald Rumsfeld it you the
1:10:41pillbox that you want that you would
1:10:43desire you need to say this I need this
1:10:46many cubic millimeters of space for my
1:10:48at this point probably 13 pills a day
1:10:50you need to give that a closure what you
1:10:53want to look like if you want to have a
1:10:54theme like maybe like a Donald Duck
1:10:55thing and you need to put that out in
1:10:57front of Generation supertrain and see
1:10:59what they can come up with because we
1:11:00know people as you know as you know we
1:11:03know people with 3d printers
1:11:04we know makers we know there's a makers
1:11:07faire and they could make you the pill
1:11:10box of your dreams well you saw the duck
1:11:12that lost its feet that got plastic feet
1:11:14from a 3d printer there's nothing we
1:11:16can't print anymore John you can I mean
1:11:17you could probably pretty bitcoins me
1:11:18I'd look duck with plastic feet you know
1:11:21what I mean like I want a steampunk pill
1:11:23case but I want it to look like yeah I
1:11:26wanted to look like wild wild west from
1:11:28the sixties not wild wild west from the
1:11:31night we watched Ocean's eleven last
1:11:33night and which i think is a pretty good
1:11:35movie it's okay yeah but it's got a lot
1:11:37of the thing you like Don Cheadle
1:11:39setting aside his really really quite
1:11:41bad English accent god no it's so but
1:11:45there are a lot of guys who have a cool
1:11:47metal suitcase with film in it and
1:11:50compartments is that in a direction you
1:11:52would consider going I do like that but
1:11:54the but the problem is I don't want
1:11:55first of all if I'm gonna handcuff
1:11:56something to my wrists I want it to be
1:11:58the football yeah Jewish girl well so
1:12:02because you get to clear well you gotta
1:12:06get through clear but also like this has
1:12:08all got to be you know everything's got
1:12:11to be on the DL you've gotta look like
1:12:13you're just sitting there like
1:12:16recalibrating the phone yeah you don't
1:12:18want to look like you're going anywhere
1:12:19doing anything and and so you can't like
1:12:24be carrying a football you can't be you
1:12:27can't be handcuffed to a girl right you
1:12:29know like that's the spin you got a
1:12:31football or biscuit or a girl in a chain
1:12:33that's the kind of thing that raises
1:12:34eyebrows even in ClearType situation
1:12:35that's why you're paying the big bucks
1:12:36well it's got a first of all it's got to
1:12:38be mental handcuffs right a man takes a
1:12:40look that takes that's gonna take a
1:12:41months but but what I you know what I
1:12:45I feel like I feel like the secret here
1:12:48I mean I went on I went to the Canadia
1:12:52mm-hmm because sometimes Canadia just
1:12:54like Germania they have different
1:12:58attitudes about drugs and they're like
1:13:00drugs are so cheap sure you want to get
1:13:03a 3 3 3 give it mmm
1:13:05our 2 2 2 or a 5 5 5 or 110-120 whatever
1:13:09it takes and so but they feel the same
1:13:14way about lamictal
1:13:15or they don't poor they don't feel any
1:13:16way about it
1:13:17but I couldn't go up there and buy a big
1:13:19bin yeah up um because they're all so
1:13:22like now you got to be tethered to these
1:13:24mm-hmm but that's that's that's not the
1:13:27key I wanted Johnny the problem is I
1:13:29don't like to buy into this but don't
1:13:32email me but the generic is not always
1:13:35the same as the brand like be careful my
1:13:40shrink told me there were cases in and
1:13:42he's not believing like I said he was a
1:13:44libertarian he doesn't sweat this kind
1:13:45of stuff but like it was like he's had
1:13:48people like call him up in a pretty bad
1:13:51way oh where he basically was Destin did
1:13:54you just stop taking the X that I gave
1:13:56you and it turns out they were on the
1:13:58generic na I wasn't doing what it's
1:14:00supposed to it's not super well
1:14:02regulated ro you might want to put down
1:14:08you know couple extra bitcoins and get
1:14:10the good lamictal for some of that
1:14:12all right oh wait a minute I don't get
1:14:14the good stuff anymore cuz I got because
1:14:16I was like uh I don't know why I care
1:14:20about saving the insurance company money
1:14:21yeah I should just be getting the
1:14:23gold-plated you got a big heart that's
1:14:25part of the problem you know I think you
1:14:45should get some help from our listeners
1:14:47you should tell them what it is that
1:14:48you're looking for the style that you're
1:14:50looking for people know your personal
1:14:51aesthetic right you've gone into
1:14:53pilsen and said you want a purple bag I
1:14:55think you could do that with our
1:14:56listeners I'm not I don't want to put
1:14:57you on along the line here as they say
1:14:59but like you you could probably get some
1:15:00help making a very very cool very very
1:15:02cool case the thing about it is that old
1:15:07apothecary stuff is made out of glass
1:15:10but I like to be able to use my bag as a
1:15:14pillow and so I can't have it's not
1:15:18something where I've got a hard case
1:15:19suitcase with wheels on it and I walk
1:15:22through the
1:15:23and I walked through the airport like
1:15:26some kind of flight attendant like I've
1:15:27got a thing that if if push comes to
1:15:30shove I want to be able to like I
1:15:34suppose with a hardshell suitcase if you
1:15:36if push comes to shove and you bail out
1:15:38of an airplane on top of a glacier you
1:15:41can ride that suitcase down to the end
1:15:43of the glacier but that's not what I
1:15:44want what I want right is the ability to
1:15:48first of all use it as a pillow maybe
1:15:51use it as a water bag I don't know to be
1:15:55wet I don't oh it could be a weapon it
1:15:58could be a defensive weapon it could be
1:15:59like a shield I think more than anything
1:16:01I want to be prepared for time travel if
1:16:05I walk through a temporal anomaly and it
1:16:08transports me back to 1810 I don't want
1:16:11to be standing there with some bag right
1:16:14that looks like a that looks like a
1:16:16plastic turtle I want to be able to say
1:16:18like 19th century I bro it sure will and
1:16:22so I don't want my pill case to be the
1:16:24thing that gives me away I see I but in
1:16:28the olden times it would either I want
1:16:31to be able to see into it so it would
1:16:32either be made of glass or maybe like
1:16:34super thin tortoiseshell maybe I'm like
1:16:37a really rich person and they care for
1:16:39this yeah it's made out of amber or
1:16:41something or amber grief or amber curry
1:16:44right it's made of honey I don't know
1:16:46what it is steampunk I feel like
1:16:49steampunk gives you so many options for
1:16:51eras it does it does and and I'm you
1:16:56know like in my steampunk adjacent no I
1:16:58would not say no I'm never gonna wear
1:17:01goggles I do not want gauges on anything
1:17:03but do and I'm certainly not gonna wear
1:17:06a duster we've covered that too started
1:17:10wearing one no I'm good I got the memo a
1:17:12long time ago yeah but do you know
1:17:15you're not in a John Woo movie get over
1:17:17it I'm not in a John Woo movie but if
1:17:18you look at if you look at Han Solo yes
1:17:22han Solo take the blaster away mm-hmm
1:17:25well lady could go anywhere replace it
1:17:28with a pistol a no anyway he could be in
1:17:31the regiment of almost any country at
1:17:33almost any time yeah he'd be an officer
1:17:37in
1:17:37almost any military he'd walk right up
1:17:39to d'Artagnan and say need another
1:17:41musketeer yes right he could go he could
1:17:44be anywhere he could do anything he
1:17:45could be he could be where could he be
1:17:48he could be could walk up to st.
1:17:50Augustine and say I forgot my tie can I
1:17:54can I come in I confess right right so I
1:17:57feel like Han Solo is it it should be a
1:18:01good place to start
1:18:02can you can you pull out oh I forget if
1:18:03we talked about this how are you as a
1:18:05vest can you do a vest so I've started
1:18:07as a vest is a tough thing to pull off
1:18:10I've started to try to pretend that I'm
1:18:14not fat and oh and one of the like you
1:18:18could do the Andrew Dice Clay thing
1:18:20where you cut your sideburns to look
1:18:22like a jawline okay but that doesn't be
1:18:24trying to be like a forced perspective
1:18:25thing on your face yeah it's the George
1:18:27Lucas problem Oh dear me no right well
1:18:30it's like you might have been 3d printed
1:18:33well his beard certainly is yes you know
1:18:36it's the dewlap it's didn't anybody with
1:18:39where you trim that thing he's still
1:18:40gonna do that look like the strap of a
1:18:421940's football helmet it's a classic
1:18:44meat beard all right you don't want you
1:18:46don't want you don't want your you don't
1:18:48want your turkey waddle to stick out
1:18:49below your beard because I would you
1:18:51wait a minute do that the potato
1:18:52fighting a line so close it's like I
1:18:55don't understand it okay so you need
1:18:57some best okay because I'm like well the
1:19:01part of me that I want to conceal is my
1:19:03big tummy
1:19:04why don't I accentuate it with a garment
1:19:06that only is like extra tummy okay but I
1:19:11do feel like again there's a fine line
1:19:14between like wearing a vest where it's
1:19:17like I'm a riverboat gambler and wearing
1:19:20a vest where you say I'm a I'm a college
1:19:23professor who's taking his jacket off
1:19:25yeah being a riverboat gambler versus
1:19:27being like something who does card
1:19:29tricks
1:19:29perfect right good time Charlie and his
1:19:33vest well but I like a wool vest but the
1:19:36problem is a wool vest then you're
1:19:38talking about a Patagonia here if you
1:19:39want so you can like my wife has an
1:19:41outfit that I love that is very Han Solo
1:19:43she's like sexy Han Solo when she goes
1:19:45to work she wears is one outfit I'm like
1:19:46wow you look like Han Solo it's really
1:19:47she's got a puppy because it puppies not
1:19:49that puffy it's Patagonia it's
1:19:51pretty small profile but she's got cool
1:19:53boots and some pants and she's a real
1:19:55smart look you know but I'm talking
1:19:58about a Patagonia you're talking about a
1:19:59waistcoat yeah I have to be careful
1:20:01around a rounded down vest or a puffy
1:20:04vest because I do have some I have a
1:20:07green puppy vest that dates back to 1975
1:20:10and I stole it from my dad in 1981 Wow
1:20:13and I still have it it's kind of held
1:20:16that held together with duct tape and
1:20:18then I have that original purple vest
1:20:20that Kel McCarl stole from Gary King
1:20:23sporting goods that's a that's a purple
1:20:26North Face back when North Face you know
1:20:29by a thread before your life and this
1:20:34this vest if you if you've jumped out of
1:20:36a plane and landed on a glacier you
1:20:37could ride that best to the Baja Jemmy
1:20:39and I still have both of those things
1:20:41and I and I do wear them but like the
1:20:45other day I was at a thrift store and I
1:20:47found a barb or the vest which is a
1:20:51quilted vest that is like it's like a
1:20:58fox hunting vest or something like that
1:21:00and it was not very it was not very much
1:21:03and I was like do I go this way with my
1:21:07life and I did I got it and I did go
1:21:11that way and the other day I was out
1:21:14this is a long time ago when I was at
1:21:15the the women's March the pussy hat
1:21:19March and I wore my barb or vest
1:21:23underneath my other garment and then the
1:21:27wind picked up and I had already pre
1:21:31protected my daughter with her large
1:21:33coat even though she was mad wear a coat
1:21:38and I had my barb or quilted vest and I
1:21:41felt like I had like I had a secret
1:21:44weapon which was an undergarment that
1:21:47was under the other eye like their stuff
1:21:50well it's really nice but it isn't you
1:21:53know they're not giving it away no they
1:21:54aren't
1:21:55but it but you know it's like pretty
1:21:57nice I've seen the one you're talking
1:22:00about it's pretty low profile it's not
1:22:02puffy you don't look like you're going
1:22:03skiing in the 80s no no no it's very low
1:22:05it's it's it's the year mint it's that
1:22:08it's that whole English like Country
1:22:10Life thing sometimes guys wearing with a
1:22:12necktie knits kind of sharp
1:22:14you're meant to look like you're not
1:22:16meant to look right
1:22:18you know like Prince Charles has been
1:22:20wearing the same double-breasted jacket
1:22:22since 1960 and that's because he's rich
1:22:27and so RIS is lucky just he's gonna be
1:22:29king any day now that's right I just
1:22:30can't wait to be king
1:22:31there's a whole website that talks about
1:22:33the patches that the British royal
1:22:36family has put on their clothes like a
1:22:38hankie coat hanky coat oh you know just
1:22:42lets you know little about preferences
1:22:45[Music]
1:22:46no no it's not that it's it's that
1:22:50there's a website where the we're you
1:22:52know they're all the photographer's that
1:22:53are standing around trying to get
1:22:54pictures of Emma Thompson when she gets
1:22:55out of a car yeah
1:22:56but then there are the photographers
1:22:58that have really long lenses that are
1:23:00just chasing Queen Elizabeth around
1:23:01Balmoral Castle okay just trying to get
1:23:03pictures of record user yeah and those
1:23:06people have these these pictures of like
1:23:11like you know Prince Mountbatten or
1:23:15whatever and they're like here's a
1:23:17picture of him in 1971 wearing this coat
1:23:20here's a picture of him in 2015 wearing
1:23:23the same exact coat and we zoomed in on
1:23:26his cuffs and they've been repaired
1:23:28that's old money that's whatever
1:23:31understands that is old money old money
1:23:33is you get something nice and then you
1:23:34keep it around it gets a little bit beat
1:23:36up you fix it it's so hot it is I mean
1:23:38why do I know that website is there
1:23:40because I have gone there and studied
1:23:42all these silent years like oh one of
1:23:44the one of the brass buttons on Prince
1:23:46Charles's jacket doesn't match the
1:23:48others like they could they didn't even
1:23:50bother to find a matching button it's so
1:23:52brilliant but that's where that sort of
1:23:55that stuff comes into play because it's
1:23:58it's meant to look like it's not meant
1:24:00to look and I think that that's pretty
1:24:03Han Solo - mm-hmm so your vest curious
1:24:07I'm I am yeah I'm vest I'm by vest
1:24:13you'll mmm right like I will wear the
1:24:16right vest I try hard not to wear the
1:24:18wrong vest sometimes it's hard it's a
1:24:22commitment you know once you put that on
1:24:23you're out of the house for the day
1:24:26that's that's why I have like 14
1:24:29Stetsons but I've never worn one outside
1:24:31because I put it on and I'm wearing it
1:24:34I'm wearing it today I walk around the
1:24:35house and slike I've got it this is it
1:24:37this is it this is I'm going this
1:24:39direction and then I get to the front
1:24:41door I open the door and you know Gary's
1:24:45across the street and I'm like I am NOT
1:24:47fucking wearing this Stetson outside and
1:24:50one day I feel like when my beard goes
1:24:52in completely white which is not that
1:24:54long what something happens that I just
1:24:58have crossed the line and I'm a vest
1:25:01wearing pill-popping geezer either then
1:25:08I'm just gonna be like Stetsons I feel
1:25:10like you'll know you'll know when it's
1:25:11time the beard will the beard tell you
1:25:16do you remember in the 90s when you
1:25:20would be somewhere and in your case
1:25:22you'd be there in your airforce jacket
1:25:24with your Henderson with your with your
1:25:26with your Dread Pirate Roberts mustache
1:25:29and you'd be standing there with your
1:25:32bacon ray guitar and some old would be
1:25:37at the club would like died oh I know
1:25:40that old you know the old oh I know the
1:25:43old yeah yeah there's always an old
1:25:44sometimes it's a prepper sometimes it's
1:25:47a skinhead
1:25:47there's always an old there's an old and
1:25:49he's standing around with a group of 26
1:25:51year olds and he's like what's up fellow
1:25:52kids and the elder statesmen know fellow
1:25:55teenagers Yeah right and it's and it was
1:26:00a bad look and it was - and I remember
1:26:02those olds and they were probably 32 I
1:26:04know there was a guy in Tampa's name was
1:26:07Mike rat and he was an old school skin
1:26:10that punk rocker and he was it every
1:26:11show and he was like at the time he
1:26:12looked 60 he was probably 30 - yeah but
1:26:16I was 19 and I was like like well what
1:26:18what has happened what had
1:26:20happen was yeah styles changed so that
1:26:26now it's no longer that the olds are
1:26:29like trying to dress young hmm it's that
1:26:31all the Youngs are trying to dress old
1:26:33moment you know my mom laughs every time
1:26:35she opens a catalog because she's like
1:26:36every single person in here is dressed
1:26:38like you mm-hmm and I'm like no fair
1:26:42that's that's not a fair way to put that
1:26:45they come up they caught up with me they
1:26:47caught up that's right but the problem
1:26:49is now you don't have that shirts than
1:26:52you've had hot dinners you know same
1:26:54dinner but I'm not putting Manic Panic
1:26:57in my hair they're putting their they're
1:27:00putting like like old sauce on
1:27:02themselves right so do I look like an
1:27:08old that's standing around trying to be
1:27:10a young or do I just look like I always
1:27:11looked like that should change you give
1:27:14me a break kiddies I'm surrounded by
1:27:16ducklings that are wearing fucking
1:27:18better that are like carrying a hip
1:27:21holster pillboxes now because I talked
1:27:24about it on the goddamn show I'm taking
1:27:31NAD+ because I want as many Saturdays as
1:27:35I can get out of this life
1:27:38shit dog