The Incomparable

307: Mascot Hands

 

  it's not brain science its rocket [TS]

  surgery this is cool cat saves the kids [TS]

  the Intolerable number 307 july 2016 [TS]

  welcome back to being comfortable rocket [TS]

  surgery where we watching a movie that [TS]

  is a sort of dubious value and merit and [TS]

  that that ubs didn't like we go decade [TS]

  by decade and we've chosen the decade [TS]

  we're in now which means world culpable [TS]

  i guess in a sense for being [TS]

  contemporaries of cool cat saves the [TS]

  kids a direct-to-video educational film [TS]

  sort of by a gentleman named Eric savage [TS]

  and it is a amazing it is amazing i'm [TS]

  just gonna say good good movie right up [TS]

  front [TS]

  yeah a good movie i sorta like a final [TS]

  judgment in quicksand stupendously good [TS]

  good [TS]

  joining joining me to talk about this [TS]

  latest in our series of rocket surgery [TS]

  movies the following steve lets hello [TS]

  hey everybody it's me Steve lots and [TS]

  I've got a grant astok story to tell you [TS]

  what I also want to Ashley I'm a bully [TS]

  and I don't like your sandcastle here is [TS]

  Philip Michaels I don't have a cliff [TS]

  lines from the movie I I just would like [TS]

  to point out when i recommend on things [TS]

  for old movie club if you people [TS]

  ditching me for like making you watch [TS]

  lion in winter I never make you watch [TS]

  kool Kat shoot the shoe is on the other [TS]

  fit foot now [TS]

  yes it is and it pinches uh-huh and and [TS]

  i'm the host of the show and now i feel [TS]

  like i need to introduce my final guest [TS]

  so that's what i'm about to do but [TS]

  haven't described it out loud it's brian [TS]

  able to lose i'm going to about to [TS]

  introduce but I haven't introduced him [TS]

  yet but now i'm going to brian hamilton [TS]

  welcome [TS]

  it's a podcast i can take it to school [TS]

  and take everyone's lunch money always [TS]

  gonna be fat time for you shut it [TS]

  bonehead [TS]

  so let's explain kool Kat can we uh [TS]

  oh I was certainly no mission fail [TS]

  there's a guy named Eric savage he has [TS]

  an interesting web page where you can [TS]

  discover things like that he was a he [TS]

  appeared in a an issue of playgirl at [TS]

  some point he has a series of books [TS]

  including books featuring kool Kat he [TS]

  has some other merchandise as well that [TS]

  he's selling but he decided to make a [TS]

  feature-length film if an hour and 15 [TS]

  minutes crosses the bar about about [TS]

  using his character cool cat who has [TS]

  appeared in some illustrated books i [TS]

  guess that he that he wrote and cool cat [TS]

  saves the kids is the result it was a [TS]

  trailer was released and i have no idea [TS]

  who sent me the trailer when it came out [TS]

  but i have watched that trailer like 50 [TS]

  times and it makes me cry with laughter [TS]

  it is so bizarre and badly edited and [TS]

  just amazing and i thought to myself i [TS]

  don't want to watch cool cat saves the [TS]

  kids the full 75 minutes because it's [TS]

  just it cannot be as funny nor as [TS]

  incompetent as the trailer and I'm here [TS]

  to tell you ladies and gentlemen I [TS]

  couldn't have been more wrong you're [TS]

  wrong needed spectacular leave more of [TS]

  what was in the trailer it is war of [TS]

  what was in the trailer it is so [TS]

  incompetent it actually goes around the [TS]

  that they're the insert navigates the [TS]

  globe it actually reaches an event [TS]

  horizon of competence that you youyou [TS]

  this looks like a movie but it [TS]

  something's off horribly off this movie [TS]

  makes tommy was a look like Orson [TS]

  freaking wells [TS]

  hi I'm just gonna say it it's so bad [TS]

  movies you know there are there are [TS]

  movies that are made by professionals [TS]

  and they go wrong and then there are [TS]

  movies that are made by people who it [TS]

  you know it's not true but it appears [TS]

  like they've never seen a movie and I [TS]

  recall them describing the the flophouse [TS]

  described faithful findings that way [TS]

  which is an amazingly bizarre movie that [TS]

  i recommend you see if you would like to [TS]

  see pictures of people's feet and it was [TS]

  this movie is like that [TS]

  let's clarify this is not porn it's not [TS]

  know the movie is based on the book [TS]

  kool Kat stops bullying which sounds to [TS]

  me like kool Kat was bullying people and [TS]

  has decided to stop and warm [TS]

  yeah so it is an educational film [TS]

  innocence that there are some messages [TS]

  that trying to get a cut across to teach [TS]

  kids they do this by explaining the a [TS]

  message immediately acting it out and [TS]

  then explaining that they just acted it [TS]

  out and this happens many times or [TS]

  they'll explain a message immediately do [TS]

  the exact opposite and then explain it [TS]

  again which they do three separate times [TS]

  that if that is true so it is a [TS]

  spectacular spectacular thing of it i [TS]

  think many of these movies that that [TS]

  wrap all the way around his Phil said [TS]

  come from you know there's just it's a [TS]

  guy with a vision and he's gonna make [TS]

  his movie and he doesn't maybe know [TS]

  anything about actual filmmaking but [TS]

  he's going to figure it out to get his [TS]

  thing out there into the world and so [TS]

  you see it with tommy wiseau and you see [TS]

  it with a with the guy from faithful [TS]

  findings of neoprene Christina brings up [TS]

  no relation brother know later brothers [TS]

  are usually related but he's never seen [TS]

  him in the same place at once and it is [TS]

  true with the Derek Savage who is the [TS]

  visionary who brought us cool cat so [TS]

  should we should we should I walk [TS]

  through the storyline be deep luxurious [TS]

  storyline of cool we do I i want to [TS]

  point out two things ok false statement [TS]

  i'm going to call this your opening [TS]

  statement [TS]

  sure okay why not if you are a child and [TS]

  you've been presented this movie as a [TS]

  film educational film of some kind take [TS]

  everything that is said in this movie [TS]

  and do exactly the opposite because [TS]

  these messages are you wrong [TS]

  oh yeah i mean what we'll get to that [TS]

  when we get there but cool captives [TS]

  terrible advice [TS]

  one of these things will get you beaten [TS]

  some might get you killed [TS]

  I it's a bad idea to follow any cool [TS]

  cats advice in any one cool cat is a [TS]

  terrible role model for one second we [TS]

  should be aware that the film that we [TS]

  are reviewing I guess I could say there [TS]

  will be going through tonight is [TS]

  actually the the director's cut of [TS]

  sorties special edition that was recut [TS]

  by Derek savage after the original was [TS]

  savaged by various youtube savaged by [TS]

  Derek I was going to say was their [TS]

  studio interference reply yes [TS]

  you ruined my vision [TS]

  but basically what happened is the first [TS]

  one we got some notoriety because it was [TS]

  largely because of that wonderful [TS]

  wonderful trailer which is probably the [TS]

  best two-and-a-half minutes ever put to [TS]

  any kind of a film medium digital or [TS]

  otherwise and in various youtube [TS]

  reviewer types laid into it and one in [TS]

  particular you your your movie sucks i [TS]

  think pointed out many of the things [TS]

  that kool Kat was doing and saying that [TS]

  are 180 degrees from what should [TS]

  actually be done and or said and several [TS]

  instances where kool Kat did exactly the [TS]

  opposite of what he suggested should be [TS]

  done mere moments before and so I was [TS]

  surprised having watched that before [TS]

  seeing this film when we watch this that [TS]

  several of those things have have been [TS]

  fixed at this point yes you can tell [TS]

  because cool cats voice which is [TS]

  initially throughout this so let me [TS]

  explain kool Kat is basically a man in a [TS]

  suit [TS]

  it is a mascot essentially acting [TS]

  throughout and i believe his dialogue [TS]

  throughout the film is largely just a [TS]

  man shouting through his suit picked up [TS]

  your microphone believe his microphone [TS]

  is actually directly outside of his mask [TS]

  so that it there are several occasions [TS]

  where he touches his chest and you hear [TS]

  an audible pump they did not did not go [TS]

  into the the sound studio and loop it [TS]

  afterwards it was not it it is not [TS]

  dubbed in know because his mother is [TS]

  dubbed in and it's very obvious and the [TS]

  parts where they've realized the [TS]

  dialogue to try and address issues [TS]

  brought up by reviewers is also audibly [TS]

  different than the rest of the kool Kat [TS]

  the kool Kat dialogue but sees seems [TS]

  right [TS]

  uh I think have to put that on the pilot [TS]

  not only is this a movie that seems to [TS]

  have been made by a person who doesn't [TS]

  really understand how movies work in any [TS]

  anyway but it also seems to be somebody [TS]

  who while well-meaning about wanting to [TS]

  educate kids seems to not understand [TS]

  lots of things that are important to [TS]

  teach kids and tells teaches them the [TS]

  wrong things to be minimally fair to [TS]

  Derek savage this is three separate [TS]

  videos that have been crudely stitched [TS]

  together languages we explain some of [TS]

  the story problems [TS]

  Sam us but not all so there's two ways [TS]

  that you can look at this recut [TS]

  to fix things uh the charitable thing to [TS]

  think about this is that this is proof [TS]

  that the derrick savage really is is it [TS]

  has heart in the right place and he's [TS]

  genuinely trying to make a film that [TS]

  will teach kids to do the right thing in [TS]

  situations where they're being bullied [TS]

  or run across a gun or whatever and so [TS]

  it was important to him that he you know [TS]

  actually say things that are reasonable [TS]

  and accurate [TS]

  the other thing you can say is that this [TS]

  might be the single most incompetent [TS]

  thing that he's done because he's [TS]

  selling these things to people that want [TS]

  to watch this train wreck in its [TS]

  original trainwreck form and if UD train [TS]

  recognize it [TS]

  he's gonna lose a lot of sales I don't [TS]

  know that it's completely decreed [TS]

  rectified it's not all it's absolutely [TS]

  no no there's still plenty of trainwreck [TS]

  to go around so it's even more pointless [TS]

  because it's still a mess it's still you [TS]

  still wouldn't want to deliver it to [TS]

  kids is some sort of a reasonable path [TS]

  to follow for their lives but he's also [TS]

  to strict out some of the things that [TS]

  made it so enjoyable to anybody else I [TS]

  think so early on you realize what kind [TS]

  of journey you're on just in the credit [TS]

  sequence where it's cool cat dancing [TS]

  around playfully to that reddits some [TS]

  mighty erotically ironically sure [TS]

  kool Kat himself has an associate [TS]

  producer credit on the movie that was [TS]

  really good i hope he gets points he [TS]

  makes a really bitchin hang loose [TS]

  gesture when now the derrick savage [TS]

  producing writing credits shows up it [TS]

  that is it [TS]

  it's charming in a demented sort of way [TS]

  it was my favorite part of the movie [TS]

  because then i had to watch the rest of [TS]

  the movie so as we go through this film [TS]

  will be pointing out the the [TS]

  distinctions between the original thank [TS]

  you can't kool Kat usado well we've got [TS]

  we've got a scholar on her hand that's [TS]

  right got the peter bogdanovich kool Kat [TS]

  movies so uh cool cat begins with first [TS]

  of all during the credits there's also [TS]

  uh we were righteous right after the [TS]

  credits we're we're treated to some sort [TS]

  of a montage is explaining to us that [TS]

  bullies are out there and they are a [TS]

  problem as we discussed before the best [TS]

  thing about any movie is the montage [TS]

  spinning head [TS]

  audience laughs and this movie does this [TS]

  twice and get it first it's a bunch of [TS]

  spinning headlines about up the epidemic [TS]

  of bullying plague in the city [TS]

  my favorite headline being from the [TS]

  catnip news late addition they they have [TS]

  a late addition can't stay up late the [TS]

  nocturnal well that there's a headline [TS]

  that are there any heroes with an [TS]

  exclamation point threat rather than a ? [TS]

  well it seems that they have the cats [TS]

  have trouble with the grammar because [TS]

  their follow-up edition reads kids loves [TS]

  kool Kat can tell he's going to be also [TS]

  has a really love ! because that [TS]

  headline has an exclusive yes it does so [TS]

  clearly that is the catnip news that has [TS]

  the Cali cartel of the last get the cool [TS]

  cat images on the fake headlines are [TS]

  that are spinning to us are [TS]

  illustrations that are from the covers [TS]

  or insides of the cool cat books that [TS]

  are also available to sell so I [TS]

  recognize there but it's good you'll see [TS]

  throughout these images are reused yeah [TS]

  time and quality are you can totally [TS]

  understand why they would want to make [TS]

  as much use of those as possible i also [TS]

  enjoy during the montage the shot of the [TS]

  girl who's screaming for help because [TS]

  she's being bullied and she's standing [TS]

  right outside a restaurant called the [TS]

  bullies diner [TS]

  yeah I don't want a victim blaming here [TS]

  really done before but if you are going [TS]

  to go outside the bullies dieter a [TS]

  chance you're gonna get pull eat really [TS]

  now you're kind of your kind of Trenton [TS]

  on not I don't go outside the murderer [TS]

  cafe and expect not to be murdered in [TS]

  males [TS]

  oh you don't walk home through Crime [TS]

  Alley about the charming little girl [TS]

  afterwards he was just in a field crying [TS]

  for help as well and there's no dine [TS]

  around there that drives home the point [TS]

  of bullying that he took her out to a [TS]

  cornfield and left [TS]

  that's a girl in a cool cat loves you [TS]

  shirt that who just basically jump since [TS]

  is kool Kat because that someone's [TS]

  daughter now when we say a cool cat [TS]

  loves you sure you mean the one cool cat [TS]

  loves you shirt that different people [TS]

  have to wear throughout the movie there [TS]

  may be more than one I don't know [TS]

  anyway the spinning headlines are [TS]

  updated to say not only kids love school [TS]

  cat but cool cat is here [TS]

  cool cat saves the children and kool Kat [TS]

  stops bullying so all the bullying is [TS]

  done finally cool kinda stopped his for [TS]

  more rain and people with this is a time [TS]

  when the bullies are on the back running [TS]

  people [TS]

  yeah yes this is foreshadowing it's not [TS]

  it's this is a common technique used in [TS]

  filmmaking it's not based on kool Kat [TS]

  stop bullying and he stops the bullying [TS]

  before the movie even starts [TS]

  I know that wants that good that's [TS]

  that's what we need ok so finally we are [TS]

  here at the at the proper legitimate [TS]

  beginning of the movie which I have [TS]

  written down as a car pulls up in front [TS]

  of a house because it's meant to be a [TS]

  majestic dolly shot of a neighborhood [TS]

  but it really is just a car slowing down [TS]

  in front of a driveway a cameraman [TS]

  visible in several places enters front [TS]

  door of a house and moves through the [TS]

  house you see the cameraman shadow [TS]

  several times and then we get a cool cat [TS]

  who is talking to assign that he is just [TS]

  apparently constructed although it [TS]

  appears to just literally be something [TS]

  that was printed out of a printer and he [TS]

  says the opening line that will stay [TS]

  with you forever [TS]

  there you go sign i would like to say I [TS]

  think about the sign [TS]

  ok although it appears to be the most [TS]

  important thing to kool Kat they don't [TS]

  show it to us know you never see the Sun [TS]

  not properly you can see it upside down [TS]

  its kool Kat for school president it's [TS]

  what I only made like five of them so [TS]

  you will see it again i believe on this [TS]

  over and over again as that's good work [TS]

  at some point you and you would have a [TS]

  cut shot to the percent of cool cat to [TS]

  see the side is is so very important to [TS]

  him [TS]

  yeah that that to me is the one thing [TS]

  that keeps this opening shot from [TS]

  rightfully of the steadicam shot good [TS]

  effects when they're walking honey but [TS]

  the couple cabana otherwise very similar [TS]

  what does it come close though yeah boy [TS]

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  and also within this point is it uses [TS]

  his his smartphone including a great [TS]

  shot of him taking his giant mascot [TS]

  finger and placing it down the home [TS]

  button to unlock it apparently and and [TS]

  this will be a recurring theme for this [TS]

  is a film that really doesn't care about [TS]

  mascot hands can't manipulate objects [TS]

  and just makes the guy in the cool cat [TS]

  suit keep on trying to open doors and [TS]

  pick up pins and use your own roles and [TS]

  hang hang up phones and it never cars [TS]

  are ya people and never goes well [TS]

  never goes well because whatever [TS]

  happened to willing suspension of [TS]

  disbelief Jason my breasts into letting [TS]

  the the director take you on a journey I [TS]

  think when the director literally asks [TS]

  in the movie if the guy in the suit [TS]

  needs help getting into the car and they [TS]

  leave that and that's where it in so [TS]

  cool because making signs it his friend [TS]

  mr. Derek who is the writer and director [TS]

  and creator of cool cat mr. Derek mr. [TS]

  Derek who we were still at this point [TS]

  the movie unclear what the relationship [TS]

  is that the [TS]

  ya later yeah i frightened by turn to my [TS]

  wife is we were watching this and I said [TS]

  cool cabins with a dude okay here I [TS]

  thought he's his cat he's it makes [TS]

  perfect sense his cat he's eight easy [TS]

  big and report but he's just a pet cat [TS]

  but that's not true no that's only [TS]

  slightly less terrifying than the actual [TS]

  fact of the thing yeah so cool cat cool [TS]

  cats friend Maria comes over and they're [TS]

  going to go outside and make more signs [TS]

  because he's running for school [TS]

  president and Maria has a very clever [TS]

  name to the place that they're going to [TS]

  go to outside it is the cool cat for [TS]

  president office [TS]

  that's what she likes to call it yes [TS]

  Maria announces that she has laid out a [TS]

  blanket and some more sign-making [TS]

  supplies on the lawn which is really odd [TS]

  because moments ago we saw her skipping [TS]

  down the street empty-handed from the [TS]

  opposite direction was gonna mess [TS]

  overnight [TS]

  oh yeah what it was like she had to hold [TS]

  the column and then had to go home and [TS]

  like put the scissors or whatever away [TS]

  or the the extra materials that she [TS]

  didn't write and then came back to get [TS]

  cool cat and bring the matter guys all [TS]

  him because previously she tried to ring [TS]

  the doorbell and daddy Derek wasn't [TS]

  there to get it for him right [TS]

  but there is by the way a great deal of [TS]

  skipping in this movie was ok goes [TS]

  anywhere he's skipping or doing this [TS]

  weird running in place they clearly this [TS]

  movie was underwritten by the American [TS]

  skipping society to promote skipping the [TS]

  cookies to movies he has the skipping [TS]

  move and he has the running in place [TS]

  while moving his hands forward in some [TS]

  strange blender like configuration as [TS]

  there is moves that he really also has [TS]

  the walking very gingerly up and down [TS]

  the stairs let's head pointed straight [TS]

  down so we can see on the hole in the [TS]

  mask move which I never get tired of [TS]

  watching because if he's a guy in a [TS]

  mascot head [TS]

  yeah and then we get started the entire [TS]

  time going up the stairs which is it [TS]

  takes like amazing it is amazing you [TS]

  have two flights of stairs also amazing [TS]

  is cool cats wardrobe which consists [TS]

  entirely of shirts that is a cool cat [TS]

  ercole cat loves you doesn't it it is it [TS]

  is literally like kool Kat cannot wear [TS]

  anything not affiliated with the kool [TS]

  Kat brand and I was trying to imagine [TS]

  the kind of response i would get if i [TS]

  printed up some hats with just my head [TS]

  and the word Steve let's loves you on [TS]

  the night [TS]

  do you have not be good i would be happy [TS]

  that you love me [TS]

  yeah sounds like good news I would be [TS]

  concerned that you loved everyone that's [TS]

  all that had Steve I would be very [TS]

  concerned i have a sense that maybe I [TS]

  would be bullied so I'm a little [TS]

  concerned about that [TS]

  well boy do I have the movie for you I [TS]

  guess I'm kind of victim-blaming here [TS]

  again but it seems like he's asking for [TS]

  it is what i'm saying i don't think [TS]

  there are any sign making supplies out [TS]

  on the blanket either i think there's [TS]

  just like their signs around and then [TS]

  they sit down [TS]

  well the task of making signs seems to [TS]

  largely involved kool Kat rubbing his [TS]

  mascot hand across the front of it [TS]

  yes there are no sign making supplies at [TS]

  know the kitchen island there you know [TS]

  that's the problem with not having [TS]

  opposable thumbs i think probably so I [TS]

  also one of my notes at this point is [TS]

  just the inner life of a mascot that's [TS]

  what we're really getting here it's like [TS]

  what you like it home [TS]

  what does he think about what does he [TS]

  worry about what does he do with his [TS]

  time now we know and they're like we're [TS]

  jump cuts in here to wear life where [TS]

  there are some that this movie isnot [TS]

  competently edited but they're there are [TS]

  few places that are spectacularly [TS]

  incompetent in there editing and this [TS]

  the this little segment has a has a few [TS]

  we're jump cuts but it doesn't matter [TS]

  because our are antagonists of the film [TS]

  appears at this point across the street [TS]

  watching them [TS]

  butch the bully which the bully it's a [TS]

  family name [TS]

  yeah again this is kinda nominative [TS]

  determinism going on here who that when [TS]

  you when your last name is the bully it [TS]

  seems like that's what you're gonna grow [TS]

  up to do I don't want to pick on which [TS]

  the bullying he's just he's a bully [TS]

  it's not his fault he got cast in this [TS]

  movie it's the fault of the [TS]

  quote-unquote casting director with the [TS]

  comma csa after his name which [TS]

  theoretically makes a member of some [TS]

  sort of professional casting society now [TS]

  but which the bully strikes me as the [TS]

  kind of kid who would be so quickly [TS]

  bullied by every other child on the [TS]

  street including the weird mascot man [TS]

  i'm gonna i'm gonna fight you on this [TS]

  because i think it's the bully maybe the [TS]

  best character in this movie [TS]

  he's wonderful don't get me wrong yeah [TS]

  that s was obviously has turned he has [TS]

  turned her bullied because when you're a [TS]

  doughy albino with [TS]

  you got to be the hunter and the hunted [TS]

  am i right [TS]

  yeah alright lets out there that was [TS]

  what i was trying to avoid saying but [TS]

  it's out there now you've got to use [TS]

  weapons and his weapons are his wits and [TS]

  his crew laughs yes it just strikes me [TS]

  as odd to to give the most lines in your [TS]

  movie to somebody who cannot speak when [TS]

  I really want to see is the wide [TS]

  sargasso sea of uh cool cat saves the [TS]

  kids which is the movie told from [TS]

  witches perspective yes maybe we really [TS]

  do we get it [TS]

  oh sure he's the villain in cool cats [TS]

  telling of the story but i think if we [TS]

  saw this movie through bushes shoes we [TS]

  get a different picture interest i think [TS]

  yeah I think butch is my not only my [TS]

  favorite character in the movie but I i [TS]

  actually think that that this kid is the [TS]

  best actor in the movie [TS]

  well that's goes without saying what is [TS]

  he saying he's great or even good or [TS]

  even not bad but and he doesn't hide [TS]

  large that he's not directed very well [TS]

  he rushes all of his lines he has a he [TS]

  has a speech impediment makes it hard to [TS]

  understand his accent changes in a few [TS]

  scenes but I love his maniacal laugh [TS]

  which has to do repeatedly was really [TS]

  great at the bed being and doing it [TS]

  because that's hard like kid you gotta [TS]

  say you're terrible dialogue and then [TS]

  cackle maniacally and he does a good job [TS]

  just say things like I love being a [TS]

  bully [TS]

  it's great that he's found something he [TS]

  loved us well he's found the perfect [TS]

  victims kool Kat and Maria are so easily [TS]

  bullion oh man everybody thinks they are [TS]

  a little bit thick hard day they are [TS]

  really the doc so so here's here's how [TS]

  we we meet butch hehe says oh look [TS]

  there's kool Kat Maria I'm gonna Punk [TS]

  them which is our first indication that [TS]

  Derek Savage has no idea what the term [TS]

  Punk me and he says Maria is pretty so [TS]

  i'll text her she's ugly [TS]

  he says yes and then uh and so he sent [TS]

  her a text [TS]

  you're ugly and your hair looks like [TS]

  rats yes but before he they see that we [TS]

  get the first important lesson from cool [TS]

  cat which goes almost verbatim it's not [TS]

  good to open text from a stranger but [TS]

  I'm here so it doing it see what if you [TS]

  want to cut and this is the children you [TS]

  step in here and point out that yes this [TS]

  is the one line in the film where [TS]

  mysteriously cool cats [TS]

  this doesn't sound like it's coming from [TS]

  inside a man and that's because [TS]

  originally kool Kat said there's only [TS]

  one way to find out [TS]

  so see what it says well somebody [TS]

  pointed out that it's not a good idea to [TS]

  open text from a stranger so now that's [TS]

  what kool Kat says in a slightly [TS]

  different voice but yes previously even [TS]

  that terrible message was what he's [TS]

  there so it's ok and this is one of the [TS]

  points that I wanted to make about who [TS]

  kool Kat is I'm very confused about cool [TS]

  cats identity because he is running for [TS]

  school president so he's apparently a [TS]

  student in the school with the kids and [TS]

  yet at the same time and several points [TS]

  it seems like he's more advanced than [TS]

  the kids including here where he is a [TS]

  he's a figure who says it's okay for her [TS]

  to see what the text is from the missing [TS]

  person I don't really understand where [TS]

  his what his place in the world is maybe [TS]

  age of adulthood is lower for cats [TS]

  I don't know well he loves her as he [TS]

  loves all kiss and so he figures that [TS]

  you know he can help her along through [TS]

  whatever trauma is you have to come but [TS]

  he's is not a kid himself if he's going [TS]

  to school [TS]

  he's a kid who can drive a convertible [TS]

  uh but yeah generally a you typical cat [TS]

  kid yeah anyway this is one of the first [TS]

  times I back i've actually had a moment [TS]

  where I've said hey they dubbed in that [TS]

  mascots voice in a questioning tone [TS]

  because usually that would be what they [TS]

  did but not here so you're ugly and your [TS]

  help hey your hair looks like rat hair [TS]

  and she goes huh and Butch goes haha [TS]

  it worked being a bully so I'm going to [TS]

  stir again from 20 feet away but is in [TS]

  you just some sort of documentary crew [TS]

  it looks like he'slooking just off the [TS]

  camera talking to nobody [TS]

  I imagine this movie is just a [TS]

  documentary about books to pulley with [TS]

  kool Kat as an incidental or can you [TS]

  imagine I would love to see that I want [TS]

  to watch the bully documentary haha [TS]

  alright so which sends out his second [TS]

  text and here we get our second change [TS]

  in the special edition [TS]

  I so again the text arrives and instead [TS]

  of saying you know it was a bad idea to [TS]

  open that we were right the first time [TS]

  cool cats responses maybe they feel bad [TS]

  and want to apologize yeah we do well in [TS]

  the original version before that happens [TS]

  and you can see the very big blank spot [TS]

  on the film before he says maybe they [TS]

  feel bad he has this big emphatic [TS]

  sure so he's really like do it man [TS]

  open it up we learn to read the comments [TS]

  on that outlines story effectiveness [TS]

  also i like because the effect of this [TS]

  is this inner life of a mascot that i [TS]

  was talking about because because of [TS]

  that pause what ends up happening is [TS]

  it's like cool cat is going to another [TS]

  place where he's like having visions of [TS]

  who-knows-what because he this is how it [TS]

  comes out in the final dub it's you know [TS]

  maybe they feel bad and I'm like what is [TS]

  it looks like the thousand-yard stare [TS]

  from kool Kat like what I even do here [TS]

  is like yeah maybe they feel bad i don't [TS]

  know and it's not like his lips are [TS]

  moving it's really easy to dub in [TS]

  anything you want and they did he dumped [TS]

  inside a thousand-yard stare at this is [TS]

  so this is got some amazing things too [TS]

  because they they see this and you know [TS]

  it's a it's a it's another bullying text [TS]

  but right right in here cool cat does [TS]

  one of these things that he does [TS]

  occasionally which I find just totally [TS]

  bizarre which is he suddenly begins [TS]

  addressing the camera i guess or us at [TS]

  the audience and telling us about [TS]

  himself so all of a sudden he's in this [TS]

  scene with Maria they're being bullied I [TS]

  can accept that we're in a scene in a [TS]

  movie and he suddenly declares I'm kool [TS]

  Kat and I love all kids just like okay [TS]

  that's good [TS]

  and then he reassures maria in a [TS]

  chilling scene he reassures her you're [TS]

  very very pretty [TS]

  his election signs by the way read kool [TS]

  Kat is the cat and vote now captain many [TS]

  things all kids are like who are you [TS]

  voting for [TS]

  oh the cat right that's what monster [TS]

  no I know this week's edition of the [TS]

  uncomfortable is brought to you by like [TS]

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  it's like a very super version of [TS]

  bookmarking so check it out like [TS]

  splashes on the App Store you can click [TS]

  the link in the show notes or go to [TS]

  bit.ly/b i TTLY / get like splash that's [TS]

  bitd ly /g tlik ESP la sh thank you like [TS]

  splash one app for all your interests [TS]

  for sponsoring the incomparable which [TS]

  turns his bullying to kool Kat and sends [TS]

  him he calls him and says why do they [TS]

  call you kool Kat they should call you [TS]

  dumb cat which is pretty sweet and [TS]

  replies is this which I want I can't but [TS]

  just not like disguising his voice he's [TS]

  he's talking like Madeline Kahn and [TS]

  blazing saddles is that it's very easy [TS]

  to identify Butch's voice it you know [TS]

  which by sight which they because he's [TS]

  across the street [TS]

  yeah also he's across the street quite [TS]

  you call yourself dumb cat also maria in [TS]

  a moment we'll say he's always bullying [TS]

  and he has no friends [TS]

  so maybe that's who's bullying you in [TS]

  retrospect it was probably a bad idea to [TS]

  give him all of our contact information [TS]

  so they see him across the street and he [TS]

  and he immediately runs away [TS]

  it begins monologue what is wrong but [TS]

  what is wrong with you [TS]

  well he schools are for dummies yeah [TS]

  then once it as soon as he's out of the [TS]

  way he starts saying dagnabbit [TS]

  that's Derek savages his deep [TS]

  understanding of street patois which he [TS]

  busts out repeated and sometimes is 1920 [TS]

  sometimes it's like [TS]

  something out of boys in the hood and [TS]

  and sometimes it's a it's having a [TS]

  little boy say well la dee dah dah dah [TS]

  explaining to me his next to plans [TS]

  because it looks to me like he finds a [TS]

  box and says great [TS]

  a bully with whatever is in this box [TS]

  takes out a can of spray paint [TS]

  let's do some very low-budget vandalism [TS]

  by drawing one line across one of the [TS]

  cool cats campaigns but the paint blows [TS]

  in his face and he says stupid wind so [TS]

  dumb wind blue paint my face not not [TS]

  since the storm scene kid we're as [TS]

  someone so eloquent curse the elements [TS]

  because not even the simplest action in [TS]

  this film can go unannounced by whoever [TS]

  is performing it so he goes back to the [TS]

  box and gets another can of spray paint [TS]

  is clearly exhausted through its one [TS]

  slight little spray that it got and into [TS]

  his face so he goes back to the box of [TS]

  mischief and there's another canvas of [TS]

  spray paint and now he's delighted he's [TS]

  got a brand new plan now that he has a [TS]

  can of spray paint see aren't exactly [TS]

  what he had two seconds ago you got it [TS]

  you figured out what's the question [TS]

  what's the wind resistant bring us up my [TS]

  question office honey how come Maria [TS]

  said he has no friends when clearly he [TS]

  has two pals who are not really that [TS]

  interested in being his sight but think [TS]

  he kind of bullies and they're not his [TS]

  friends they kind of forces the mind [TS]

  forces them into so he knows the [TS]

  boneheads and we'll get to them a minute [TS]

  but I want to know no one of them is [TS]

  named jamie and the other one is [TS]

  apparently named you bonehead yes [TS]

  because here first of the two kids and [TS]

  Jamie bone and you bonehead that's true [TS]

  that's true I I took it as a collective [TS]

  boneheads a family it's like it's like a [TS]

  band Jamie and the boneheads jamie is in [TS]

  the boneheads but also is one it is just [TS]

  a mere yeah i mean the boneheads is my [TS]

  new cover band so i want to point out [TS]

  that songs that I asked questions about [TS]

  Maria's family life because that when [TS]

  they see the wind blow paint in which [TS]

  his face it she says my daddy calls that [TS]

  payback and my daddy says what goes [TS]

  around comes around to which I asked is [TS]

  Charles Bronson your daddy [TS]

  yeah they're here is a real of revenge [TS]

  fantasy aspect too cool cat saves the [TS]

  units that was kind of uncomfortable for [TS]

  us for an educational PSA kind of movie [TS]

  but cool cat is always the optimist they [TS]

  declare will turn lemons into lemonade [TS]

  I love lemonade it's so good there will [TS]

  be a call back to that later with her [TS]

  oh yes there will Steve yes yes the [TS]

  right away impressed [TS]

  perhaps the most clever bit of dialogue [TS]

  in the movie which day it is so clever [TS]

  that they use it twice which recruits [TS]

  the boneheads into this into their gang [TS]

  the bad boys he's declared it and [TS]

  they'll paint Abby yeah for the bad boys [TS]

  and they end and the the jerks who are [TS]

  the boneheads who are in this big new [TS]

  gang startup gang with him just wanted [TS]

  one of them said content that just the [TS]

  one kid is about bet the B stands for [TS]

  bush and not bad boys 2 which point [TS]

  which has the clever rejoinder know it [TS]

  don't shut up shut up shut up you bought [TS]

  that kid is smart that kids figured it [TS]

  out he knows this is all just for the [TS]

  ego trip a butch the bully and they're [TS]

  not they're just cogs in the wheels i [TS]

  think they really should workshop that [TS]

  bad boys name a bit more [TS]

  did you know maybe gotten a whiteboard [TS]

  come up with some of your ideas yeah [TS]

  like one word bad boys [TS]

  yeah it should be 2 b's that they should [TS]

  be tagging things with which could also [TS]

  still be butch the bully so there's no [TS]

  particular reason why they couldn't [TS]

  start share so I'm this moves into our [TS]

  next next keyport plot point which is [TS]

  that uh another girl named Madison who [TS]

  later is referred to essentially without [TS]

  a name as a baby but i think that has to [TS]

  do with the fact that these are multiple [TS]

  video stitch together [TS]

  Madison appears and she she reveals that [TS]

  there is shocking vandalism happening in [TS]

  sandboxes throughout the neighborhood [TS]

  which makes kool Kat very upset and and [TS]

  as a result not be able to say any words [TS]

  that make any sense at all [TS]

  he's he seems incoherent for for a [TS]

  period of time that the rest of the [TS]

  movie not only our sandboxes being [TS]

  graffiti upon making all of the kids cry [TS]

  but most horrifyingly a toy shovel was [TS]

  stolen from with them so they cannot [TS]

  build sandcastles indeed and that's at [TS]

  that point [TS]

  cool cat takes a really bold stand where [TS]

  he says it's so [TS]

  hard to steal it's not cool paint on [TS]

  someone's wall [TS]

  kool Kat really is it back off kool Kat [TS]

  let's not go crazy with these radical [TS]

  positions [TS]

  this is where we get almost immediately [TS]

  vb stands for butch joke comes back [TS]

  almost immediately yes actually the [TS]

  second kid says it to both Jamie and you [TS]

  button it Smithers can point out why do [TS]

  have a question at this point though so [TS]

  but which is just about to graffiti this [TS]

  wall yes and we hear that at the same [TS]

  time that sand boxes around the county [TS]

  or the town or whatever being defeated [TS]

  Amon so the question is is is butch just [TS]

  a symptom of a sick society where [TS]

  sandboxes get graffitied on or is he [TS]

  responsible for every bit of crime in [TS]

  the entire county [TS]

  he's the mastermind i think i think so [TS]

  that will if you give your neighborhood [TS]

  where people leave boxes of mischief [TS]

  just laying around outside of their [TS]

  fences I guess they're kind of all [TS]

  asking for well not just boxes of [TS]

  mischief also guns you know we'll get [TS]

  there [TS]

  well those aren't Boxley we are all but [TS]

  you can you could argue that the box of [TS]

  mischief is in fact the true villain [TS]

  here and that any child who comes in [TS]

  contact with it becomes the bully [TS]

  Oh entrapment I like to think it's a [TS]

  kind of Pandora's box that really warps [TS]

  whoever finds it into manipulating the [TS]

  people around them into doing whatever [TS]

  it is they want with whatever kind of [TS]

  graffiti they can come up with and if [TS]

  it's that if it's be then you got the [TS]

  boneheads and what do you do you really [TS]

  need all your friends there you go [TS]

  that's how it works [TS]

  apparently smart in the chat room makes [TS]

  a very good point which is that cool [TS]

  cats version 2 graffitied sandboxes [TS]

  probably because nobody wants to be [TS]

  reading graffiti when they're in the [TS]

  bathroom and I said that's how it works [TS]

  but kool Kat stops them and you know how [TS]

  cool cat stop them he shouts stop in the [TS]

  name of anti-graffiti before you break [TS]

  my heart [TS]

  in the name of an anti-graffiti I don't [TS]

  know who andy graffiti is and who who [TS]

  her husband uncle graffiti yes uncle gun [TS]

  control but that that's all it is [TS]

  required because Bush the bully Jamie [TS]

  and you both heads is flea are butch [TS]

  fleas and and leaves Jamie and/or you [TS]

  boneheads holding the can [TS]

  but but just cool cats declaration is [TS]

  enough for Madison to say we'll get so [TS]

  brave [TS]

  he really is no he he's laying it all [TS]

  out on the line there everyone's [TS]

  thinking it someone's gotta say it [TS]

  this episode of the incomparable brought [TS]

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  love the multi-blade I the razor i love [TS]

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  which is pretty great a little stand and [TS]

  the shaving lotion makes me happy too i [TS]

  like the faint faint smell doesn't [TS]

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  Harry's a try today thanks Harry's so [TS]

  there's a long lecture here we're cool [TS]

  cat talks to the kids about how terrible [TS]

  what they're about to start they were [TS]

  about to do is and this is I think the [TS]

  cruelest kind of all in the special [TS]

  edition because in the original version [TS]

  of this of the film at this point as [TS]

  he's talking you can see across the [TS]

  street some random guy walks out of his [TS]

  house realizes that something is being [TS]

  filled and then slowly take several [TS]

  steps back into his house [TS]

  out of the shot but in this version that [TS]

  doesn't happen which shocks me because [TS]

  it suggests that they shot this in more [TS]

  than one take [TS]

  yes this may be the only place where [TS]

  that second take was was made because [TS]

  they'd it's definitely different take [TS]

  that vocalizing is different and [TS]

  everything it is the same lines so it's [TS]

  not like they just cut it out so I feel [TS]

  like maybe what happened there is they [TS]

  realize that guy was there they took the [TS]

  second shot and then Derek forgot to put [TS]

  it in something that happens all in this [TS]

  movie repeatedly is a cool cat dispenses [TS]

  his his special wisdom [TS]

  yeah and the people who are misbehaving [TS]

  immediately agree with everything he's [TS]

  just said turn around a hundred and [TS]

  eighty degrees and are on board for all [TS]

  time after that or so they say when [TS]

  someone says to you [TS]

  with friends like that you better not [TS]

  have in the end of us you get you get on [TS]

  board what does that even mean [TS]

  with that kind of water tight elastic [TS]

  line with friends like that you better [TS]

  not have any enemies [TS]

  it's kind of a tragic tale as it turns [TS]

  out because the kids are only tagging [TS]

  because nobody loves me nobody cares [TS]

  nobody cares for us one of them so [TS]

  that's what they say but really they [TS]

  were just standing there and Bush said [TS]

  let's go tag stuff they're like yes the [TS]

  mere moments earlier kitchen pressure [TS]

  them into it we saw it happen but now [TS]

  they have Dave there there it through [TS]

  read in retrospect they realize nobody [TS]

  loves them but that's not true [TS]

  cool cat loves them which leads to some [TS]

  amazing dialogue that i wrote down that [TS]

  I want to share with everybody right now [TS]

  yes go for it true integrity means you [TS]

  do the right thing when no one is [TS]

  looking in other words be cool when no [TS]

  one's around to which the kids reply [TS]

  yeah let's have some integrity [TS]

  I'm down with that man that's groovy [TS]

  yeah that's a saying you can take to the [TS]

  streets will know the whole line is that [TS]

  i wrote this down to because it's almost [TS]

  as good as with friends like that you [TS]

  better not have any enemies you have the [TS]

  kids power you can be anything you want [TS]

  to be [TS]

  you've got to work hard and make it [TS]

  happen and that's a saying you can take [TS]

  to the streets yeah he says directly at [TS]

  the camera and yet another yeah fourth [TS]

  wall breaking my listeners if that [TS]

  doesn't sound very convincing you have [TS]

  to imagine that being said by a guy that [TS]

  outfit waving his hand spasmodically [TS]

  with some word so amazing i would follow [TS]

  that cat the gates around I think we're [TS]

  doing because that's where he's taking [TS]

  you [TS]

  I think Maria's follow-up line to that [TS]

  is might be my favorite in the scene and [TS]

  that's where she points out i bet those [TS]

  kids have never been showing so much [TS]

  love people her friend yeah disturbing [TS]

  and wonderful inequalities mama whoops [TS]

  bonehead so that would be our first [TS]

  uncomfortable moment of the night [TS]

  Oh your first really i don't know you or [TS]

  nine for me to get far far worse yes [TS]

  yeah that's so cool gets home life we go [TS]

  back inside and eric says mama cat made [TS]

  something tasty for you guys today and [TS]

  this is when I started to ask myself [TS]

  wait a second is Derek married to mama [TS]

  cat are they perhaps like is he like [TS]

  kool Kat stepfather is and he's married [TS]

  to to do to a cool cats mother I was [TS]

  telling myself for a long time to the [TS]

  movie that Derek was he just married [TS]

  into the cat family [TS]

  cool cat keeps calling him daddy Derek [TS]

  which is gross remember Derek wrote this [TS]

  movie [TS]

  yes but daddy Derek could be something [TS]

  you call your stepfather who married [TS]

  your camera mother share [TS]

  absolutely there is a scene later on [TS]

  that I think ruins yes it always has [TS]

  you have to assume and that in fact [TS]

  daddy Derek and mama cat made spawned [TS]

  this how created [TS]

  oh yeah real cool cat in fact yes out [TS]

  well let's let's let's let's cut right [TS]

  to the chase here all right mama cat is [TS]

  another person in the cast [TS]

  yes that not even mad filled with [TS]

  shipping know it's a person in the same [TS]

  Akash is a person in the same cat suit [TS]

  but with address and uh and a and and [TS]

  like eyelashes eyelashes and like a lip [TS]

  prosthetic to make it it seems sort of [TS]

  different from kool Kat but when they [TS]

  appear in the scene together it is a [TS]

  very a questionably composited split [TS]

  screen effect honestly the split screen [TS]

  is pretty good [TS]

  like that's where they put most of their [TS]

  post-production effort was creating the [TS]

  illusion of having to catsuits and by [TS]

  pretty good he means it's awful if you [TS]

  take more than half a second to look for [TS]

  it [TS]

  I couldn't see the seam right away in [TS]

  that one scene at the table yeah so what [TS]

  we learn is it is easier to do a [TS]

  locked-off split screen video shot than [TS]

  it is to buy a second cat soup [TS]

  yes apparently so to focus a little [TS]

  more on this Mama and Daddy business [TS]

  they are referred to [TS]

  he's referred to differently at several [TS]

  points throughout the film and I don't [TS]

  know whether that's because this is [TS]

  three things split up and they had [TS]

  different ideas for what he was in those [TS]

  three different videos but he's called [TS]

  daddy Derek several times [TS]

  it's called mr. Davis in this scene they [TS]

  referred at one point to mr. and mrs. [TS]

  cat yes that's just the derrick is Derek [TS]

  cat [TS]

  yes it's just interesting either he took [TS]

  her name which is surprisingly [TS]

  progressive for your very aggressive or [TS]

  he was already named Eric cat which [TS]

  would be a crazy coincidence man named [TS]

  cat who's been married a cat get em and [TS]

  without that ability flaws but he is [TS]

  called Derek savage later on by mr. [TS]

  Erica's yes and well in that yet but in [TS]

  that scene he's also referred to as the [TS]

  creator of cool cat which is a very [TS]

  weird we talk about being a bandit just [TS]

  as my father is the creator me to get an [TS]

  executive producer credit he laid his [TS]

  seed within my mother and I are okay but [TS]

  you'll notice this little family party [TS]

  it's a credit for playing kool Kat mrs. [TS]

  cat does not get a credit in the [TS]

  creation of cool can explore abs with my [TS]

  babies custom cat I think we need to lay [TS]

  it on the line here this man had [TS]

  conjugal relationships with it's very [TS]

  clear and after one more quick at it is [TS]

  is very clear he has no idea what's in [TS]

  there it could actually be a cat in a [TS]

  cat suit haha and i think this explains [TS]

  why [TS]

  kool Kat is unholy him well I believe [TS]

  that Derrick savage met a woman who you [TS]

  know they hit it off and after six [TS]

  months or so she revealed that she liked [TS]

  to wear mascot suits in time when [TS]

  they're not on dates so what I'm [TS]

  wondering is if when they got married [TS]

  presumably and had kool Kat as a baby [TS]

  presumably they just kept buying the [TS]

  human child they made progressively [TS]

  larger cat mascot suit to wear [TS]

  throughout his life and that's just part [TS]

  of his identity [TS]

  oh my god you think we roomed him to be [TS]

  like them he doesn't know that's not the [TS]

  real skill it's either that or after [TS]

  like month eight of their relationship [TS]

  she introduced this other guy who's also [TS]

  into cats suits but has daddy issues as [TS]

  well you have to guard the suit makes it [TS]

  better for be [TS]

  so I that's a much darker thing that I [TS]

  was going to suggest which is just [TS]

  literally it turns out that if a man and [TS]

  a woman wearing a catsuit love each [TS]

  other very much they may magically [TS]

  produce a cat baby a fully-grown man [TS]

  also wearing a catsuit [TS]

  can I get cool cats a restaurant review [TS]

  out of the way by the way all the eating [TS]

  scenes feature people sitting with [TS]

  half-eaten sandwiches to indicate that [TS]

  they have eaten some lunch although we [TS]

  never see them eat the half-eaten [TS]

  sandwiches and they may be indeed the [TS]

  same half-eaten sandwiches and all the [TS]

  scenes but I I didn't want to point out [TS]

  cool cats restaurant review when asked [TS]

  how he enjoys his lunch [TS]

  kool Katz response not something i pick [TS]

  any human would ever say which is my [TS]

  belly feels great human suno was with [TS]

  that I just got her into that doesn't [TS]

  sound that bizarre well as it turns out [TS]

  this is a perfect segue into what i was [TS]

  going to say which is that at several [TS]

  points throughout this film cool cat [TS]

  scratches his own belly and all his leg [TS]

  shake [TS]

  can I don't work like that there's this [TS]

  one of the scenes of the donkey and [TS]

  Maria run back to the picnic blanket [TS]

  which is strong on the long like three [TS]

  days later he throws down on it starts [TS]

  scratching his belly and kicking his leg [TS]

  and it looks disturbing it quickly but [TS]

  yes that's a dog think that's not a [TS]

  Catholic and in my feeling is if you're [TS]

  going to make a movie that runs an hour [TS]

  and 15 minutes long about a cat [TS]

  it seems like you should have actually [TS]

  experienced ook at some point in your [TS]

  life [TS]

  we're told there's a point they're [TS]

  having an appointment to Hollywood which [TS]

  doesn't really make any sense right [TS]

  and by cool cat is that's gonna happen [TS]

  tomorrow so cool cat needs to go to bed [TS]

  so cool cat surfs the web a little bit [TS]

  look at me i'm surfing the wisdoms a [TS]

  little song for certain i'm surfing the [TS]

  web surfing the web which is not one of [TS]

  the songs listed is like one of the [TS]

  official songs now it's a little bonus [TS]

  kool Kats bedroom we see it's got lots [TS]

  of printouts of cool cat taped over [TS]

  pictures that have been hung on the wall [TS]

  to cover them up [TS]

  that's an interesting decorating choice [TS]

  to frame and hang a portrait and then [TS]

  tape printed out pictures of yourself [TS]

  over this seems like a lot of extra work [TS]

  something I've been wanting to talk [TS]

  about this whole time which leads me [TS]

  into the fact that [TS]

  this is derek savages own projects that [TS]

  he's funding and he's producing he's [TS]

  doing everything with his project and [TS]

  one can only imagine this is his house [TS]

  that he's filming in so why wouldn't he [TS]

  go the extra three or four steps to [TS]

  actually take down the things that he's [TS]

  going to be using the film and then put [TS]

  up actually cool cut things its own [TS]

  house you can ask what I think that's [TS]

  not his house because it doesn't want to [TS]

  set things so he he puts take kool Kat [TS]

  things over the pictures he put the the [TS]

  towels over the headboard of the bed [TS]

  right chairman mao did not have that [TS]

  many pictures of himself hanging around [TS]

  places that kool Kat but also can teach [TS]

  us interesting things he gets he gets a [TS]

  message that that is makes him angry and [TS]

  he anyone to repair a John Doe from john [TS]

  dale right up that by the way is wow I [TS]

  had email from a John Doe maybe he wants [TS]

  to be friends probably just open any [TS]

  email you get kids Kevin Spacey I've [TS]

  always want to be friends with you this [TS]

  Twitter egg might have valuable things [TS]

  to say to me make money fast but he has [TS]

  an important lesson decision which is [TS]

  what i write could stay on the internet [TS]

  for a long long time boy that's true [TS]

  yeah anyway cool cat goes to sleep at [TS]

  very rapidly after this and has a dream [TS]

  sequence [TS]

  this is the first of several sequences [TS]

  where we see kool Kat go to sleep [TS]

  yes and wake up this is the only one [TS]

  with with a dream sequence and how do we [TS]

  know he went to dreamland it says going [TS]

  to dreamland yes it's great and it's the [TS]

  most coherent part of the movie which i [TS]

  think is funny and he talks to the [TS]

  audience in dreamland which if that were [TS]

  the only time you talk to the camera [TS]

  would have made perfect sense that would [TS]

  have loved it [TS]

  this does can contain my favorite [TS]

  individual moment in cool cat saves the [TS]

  kids which is which the bullies floating [TS]

  head appears ok punches it [TS]

  ah it's Zardoz like and it's distressing [TS]

  this to the maze there's a little [TS]

  sprawling it's great [TS]

  cool cat wakes up and he leaves [TS]

  dreamland what's really depressing is [TS]

  that dream land has a fantastic [TS]

  entranceway with rainbows and music and [TS]

  it says going to dreamland and then [TS]

  dreamland is just black nothingness with [TS]

  smoke it [TS]

  so depressing and then leaving dreamland [TS]

  you get to be treated back to rainbows [TS]

  why would you ever dream if you can just [TS]

  stay in going to dreamland land road [TS]

  thing with all the rainbows it would be [TS]

  fantastic but note he has to deal with [TS]

  which the bullies flying head on a black [TS]

  campus and it's also like the loading [TS]

  screen is way better than the actual [TS]

  game is what you're saying [TS]

  oh yeah that's why I'm pretty sure he's [TS]

  got ahold of some bad window pane and [TS]

  he's not actually saving 04 could happen [TS]

  so he gets up in the morning and daddy [TS]

  Derek said has their this incredible [TS]

  level of detail here it's like don't [TS]

  forget to go out back and say goodbye to [TS]

  your mom before we go which we don't see [TS]

  and doesn't happen and doesn't matter [TS]

  and doesn't go anywhere i don't know why [TS]

  that is represent cool cat with a big ol [TS]

  bowl of fruit for breakfast his entire [TS]

  breakfast consists of a giant bowl of [TS]

  fruit cool cats gonna be a rough drive [TS]

  to Hollywood is what every day for this [TS]

  thing all I wrote in my notes was [TS]

  frosting something cool cat screams [TS]

  apropos of nothing [TS]

  frosty at one point earlier he's shot at [TS]

  exquisite for no reason to [TS]

  so so the Hollywood trip that before [TS]

  they go to Hollywood they have to get in [TS]

  the car and this is the point where cool [TS]

  cat tries to open and can't do it and [TS]

  then while Derek is reading his dialogue [TS]

  the man in the cool cat suit reaches in [TS]

  and and and opens the door or like pops [TS]

  the lock and then opens the door and [TS]

  Derek sees him doing this and says oh [TS]

  you need some help there oh you got it [TS]

  buddy [TS]

  and then he goes around the other side [TS]

  because it was better just to use that [TS]

  take [TS]

  then do it again yeah yeah in that it [TS]

  and it's the best thing in any scene [TS]

  where Derek savages forced to to ad-lib [TS]

  and and that is his attempts to play it [TS]

  off as though it was planned he says was [TS]

  it locked and you can hear the guy in [TS]

  the suit is actually a little bit ticked [TS]

  off at this point he says yes it was [TS]

  daddy Derek Derek response to that as [TS]

  well that's for safe for safety purposes [TS]

  yeah yeah we keep that door locked so [TS]

  that nobody can reach through that wide [TS]

  open window [TS]

  the door looks the repo man is really on [TS]

  my face I put a lot of money into this [TS]

  movie oh my god so from a plot [TS]

  standpoint here's what happens now they [TS]

  drive to Hollywood and immediately turn [TS]

  around and drive back home [TS]

  yeah cool cat does get out of the car at [TS]

  one point in front of the hollywood sign [TS]

  and tell us about the grand tastic story [TS]

  about the Hollywood parade so so I was [TS]

  very angry at a scene that has no [TS]

  purpose but I realized what happened was [TS]

  part of this video is cool cat at the [TS]

  hollywood christmas parade odd and the [TS]

  first part of that video was clearly [TS]

  this segment of them in Hollywood and [TS]

  Derek needed a justification to include [TS]

  that so they had to drive to Hollywood [TS]

  splice in those scenes of cool cat near [TS]

  the hollywood sign and then drive back [TS]

  home [TS]

  yeah but the reason they went out in the [TS]

  earlier phone call was he had some sort [TS]

  of appointment in Hollywood but that [TS]

  appointment appears to consist of a [TS]

  phone you know i'm not sure why he had [TS]

  to be in Hollywood they may listen for [TS]

  example call it but it seems like they [TS]

  set up this Hollywood trip all this way [TS]

  and then it is done in a heartbeat [TS]

  yeah I had to rewind because i was [TS]

  circling this is something nope [TS]

  and the whole day is gone yeah it's a [TS]

  that's it that's it because Hollywood [TS]

  called and once kool Kat to be in [TS]

  hollywood parade they come back home to [TS]

  tell mama and this is where you get your [TS]

  first split screen shot which you can [TS]

  tell because the right half of the room [TS]

  is mysteriously much darker than the [TS]

  left and the kitchen island appears to [TS]

  have been damaged in an earthquake [TS]

  because it's right side is about an inch [TS]

  lower that it's left know so yeah they [TS]

  tell mama cat about the good news about [TS]

  the the Hollywood parade yeah she's [TS]

  skeptical here we get what i think is [TS]

  this is a hard 5 thing but I i think i [TS]

  think the creepiest line in the movie [TS]

  here is is where Derek looks at mama cat [TS]

  and says and hey I'm cool with it if you [TS]

  are any wink singh [TS]

  it's like that has been said so many [TS]

  times in this house all of the stuff [TS]

  with Derek and mama cat is the floor [TS]

  million throws yeah yeah we get you say [TS]

  we see Maria kool Kat I think talk to [TS]

  Maria on the phone and we see Maria's [TS]

  bedroom appears to essentially be in the [TS]

  same house as the rest of this movie [TS]

  it has a picture of her and kool Kat [TS]

  about the best thing about that phone [TS]

  call with maria is that he calls her and [TS]

  tells her about the thing and says hey [TS]

  Murray I've got to go now you're the one [TS]

  who did she know all but but he should [TS]

  we see that Maria has also has pictures [TS]

  of cool cat on such a cat thing to do [TS]

  though and when they covering a quote [TS]

  behind it that doesn't seem like the [TS]

  best plan to bring about 100 that need [TS]

  to be covered and then one cool cat [TS]

  hangs up the phone it takes a few tries [TS]

  for him to get it down because he's got [TS]

  big mascot hands again then we get [TS]

  another shot of cool cat going to sleep [TS]

  indeed as he wakes up and we get a [TS]

  little bit of Education which is you [TS]

  should brush your teeth right wakes up [TS]

  and brush his teeth and talk to the [TS]

  camera and tell the camera not to follow [TS]

  him into the bathroom [TS]

  yeah how can I have some privacy please [TS]

  and either the camera is supposed to be [TS]

  nodding at this point or the camera and [TS]

  just loses it over this hilarious joke [TS]

  because it balances all over the place [TS]

  like kool Kat thinks we want to see him [TS]

  brushes teeth [TS]

  yeah you don't know what was on that how [TS]

  you he's a mascot he has no teeth [TS]

  there are no teeth and one of the [TS]

  traffic in fact kool Kat actually like [TS]

  was walking to a litter box itself right [TS]

  but instead of it instead of a human [TS]

  doing well that would have warranted the [TS]

  cameraman shaking the camera or sure [TS]

  that would have been great [TS]

  well the interesting part is later on we [TS]

  do see him rushes to do see we we do see [TS]

  him brushes teeth that's for later with [TS]

  sound effects although there are no [TS]

  teeth but we see him use the brushes the [TS]

  air where his teeth would be yes that's [TS]

  right exactly he has Invisalign Jason [TS]

  mama kat's not downstairs because she's [TS]

  gone to the beauty parlor with vivica a [TS]

  fox stars dance here late for that [TS]

  who's introduces yes pick a fight it's [TS]

  not she's she's out with vivica or she's [TS]

  out with your friend but no no it's we [TS]

  have to drop the entire name including [TS]

  yeah the initial even butch does it well [TS]

  yeah yeah that's that's one of the great [TS]

  lines in the movie later but they're [TS]

  gonna write their gonna write kool Kat a [TS]

  nice song Derek savage takes into the [TS]

  computer room where Derek savage writes [TS]

  a song by typing furiously on a keyboard [TS]

  and the audience watches furiously [TS]

  perhaps his word processor Microsoft [TS]

  Word case i actually took a screencap of [TS]

  the song and I'd like to do a dramatic [TS]

  ocean of it now if incidentally that [TS]

  screencap of a completely different song [TS]

  the one that is probably a second [TS]

  something that is performed seconds [TS]

  later lyrics are quite different [TS]

  this is cool cat song parentheses or [TS]

  quote marks cool cat loves to run [TS]

  oh does he ever cool cat loves to rock [TS]

  yeah cool cats loves to rock [TS]

  cool cat loves to play the guitar and [TS]

  he looks so cool cool cat was to play [TS]

  the drums yeah and he placed them so [TS]

  good [TS]

  cool cat loves to rock yeah cool cats [TS]

  loves to rock [TS]

  cool cat loves to play the guitar and he [TS]

  looks so cool cool cat loves to play the [TS]

  drums yeah and he plays them so good [TS]

  yeah Jax is the coolest cat in the world [TS]

  he's so cool yes he is right now do it [TS]

  again in spanish on for several more [TS]

  verses [TS]

  yeah this is this sounds like [TS]

  affirmation else seriously are you not [TS]

  on board with cool cat yet how many [TS]

  times do I have to tell you how cool he [TS]

  is he's the coolest cat in the world [TS]

  which is actually is a light up cat cat [TS]

  in the world somewhere there's a [TS]

  notebook full of him just writing people [TS]

  like kool Kat cool cat is in the loser [TS]

  people like Google get kool Kat has [TS]

  friends [TS]

  cool cat loves you all work and no play [TS]

  makes kool Kat adult cat that what [TS]

  happened oh yeah he probably doesn't [TS]

  those are the lyrics they write in the [TS]

  microsoft word yes but what comes out [TS]

  what next they actually sing are quite [TS]

  so number one then is played Derek [TS]

  savages playing his his van Halen [TS]

  autographed guitar his unplugged van [TS]

  Halen autographed guitar it's [TS]

  autographed by the van Halen band so [TS]

  what I'm saying is cool cat likes to [TS]

  rock and roll [TS]

  cool cat likes to love and sing cool cat [TS]

  likes to boogie boogie boo hoo cat likes [TS]

  to love-ru love you [TS]

  la you cool cats singing voice seems a [TS]

  little different from speaking voice I'm [TS]

  just saying now is this the song where [TS]

  he has cool cat is my best friend that [TS]

  the actual their body down is cool cast [TS]

  wants to be your friend [TS]

  kool Kat is your very best friend [TS]

  climbing friend with friends yeah us [TS]

  that is a medicine songwriting there [TS]

  that is some alan jay lerner stuff [TS]

  boogie woogie comes up again and again [TS]

  and I really believe the derrick savage [TS]

  believes that boogie woogie is something [TS]

  that anybody under the age of 80 says [TS]

  yeah well he also seems to think it's [TS]

  rap Latin fusion because the cool cats [TS]

  looking song that follows immediately on [TS]

  the heels of this one is exactly that it [TS]

  is the least boogie-woogie song in the [TS]

  history of music it's not very rap [TS]

  either because it does not rhyme for a [TS]

  long time coming [TS]

  good rap reverse but there's a little [TS]

  this like yeah it's like a reggae with [TS]

  the drum beat and that was introduced he [TS]

  he's kind of confused but he's got a [TS]

  music video and he goes to the green [TS]

  screen room and he says give this an [TS]

  urban feel and the picture of the [TS]

  seattle's [TS]

  seattle's [TS]

  I line appears we have been hilarious [TS]

  yeah space needle that's the urban feel [TS]

  I want this is the opportunity for Derek [TS]

  to roll out the entire library of [TS]

  license green screen backgrounds that [TS]

  have a lot he uses every part of the [TS]

  Buffalo here you get your city skates [TS]

  you got your flying through space time [TS]

  last week in the love of pete rock stars [TS]

  love ya I think it takes real guts to [TS]

  have a to openly say we have a green [TS]

  screen room to see after the dreamland [TS]

  sequence now i kinda like I kinda like [TS]

  how cool cat is like the remote control [TS]

  and does things in the that's that's [TS]

  just met enough that I appreciated that [TS]

  that that bit things like I got a green [TS]

  screen I can make a music video in my [TS]

  doubts and wrote down kool Kat knows the [TS]

  time of day so he has to know it's time [TS]

  for you and me to boogie and I can't [TS]

  tell if that was a miracle one of the [TS]

  songs or if it's just something i [TS]

  started writing my notes because i had [TS]

  lost all will to live [TS]

  kool Kat fanfic the green screen room [TS]

  also leads to a gag at the end when he [TS]

  completes his second song he discovers [TS]

  that his his mom and daddy Derek are [TS]

  watching had been watching him do his [TS]

  music video at which point we [TS]

  immediately cut too cool cat in the [TS]

  hollywood hills and there are he's by [TS]

  cars and there's a there's it's the [TS]

  Hollywood parade [TS]

  there's no yeah it's just there we are [TS]

  we've moved along i think him with the [TS]

  remote control is my favorite scene of a [TS]

  guy in a mascot suit can't operate [TS]

  things how can you pick a favor right [TS]

  they're all really good see I think for [TS]

  me it's when he sits down to color the [TS]

  trolley the travelers spews markers [TS]

  everyone he's left with one yellow [TS]

  highlighter which he somehow users to [TS]

  all the reporters colors yep thought it [TS]

  was my favorite one so so this is this [TS]

  is an amazing section because it appears [TS]

  in the Hollywood parade right and it's [TS]

  unclear about whether the Hollywood [TS]

  parade is something that you pay to get [TS]

  into or whether Derek so yes you [TS]

  obviously hate it when I mean he might [TS]

  have like a friend who got him into it [TS]

  but basically yeah it seems like he paid [TS]

  to get into it to promote kool Kat and [TS]

  so then they used like Steve said every [TS]

  part of the buffer [TS]

  well we use every bit of footage there [TS]

  is where it was on the TV for the [TS]

  Hollywood parade and uh in in local TV [TS]

  and la presumably and found and stolen [TS]

  footage of cool cat just like before the [TS]

  parade man in the mascot suit walked [TS]

  around to various old vintage cars and [TS]

  then later they dubbed in kool Kat [TS]

  dialogue as if he was reacting to that [TS]

  but they're not vintage cars they're all [TS]

  TVL your TV your idealism Aaron yes [TS]

  Herbie the Love Bug yeah you got for the [TS]

  parents watching her the kids who he [TS]

  thinks knows Ghostbusters and Batman who [TS]

  like what I we Smokey and the Bandit [TS]

  yeah kids love that it's because they [TS]

  wanted to use all the footage of the [TS]

  parade because Derek savage spent money [TS]

  to be in the parade a lot of money to [TS]

  get it and he's really proud of it a [TS]

  Steve may wanna weigh in here but as I [TS]

  grew up in Southern California for a [TS]

  chunk of my childhood and this is the [TS]

  the actual name of the parade is the [TS]

  hollywood christmas parade [TS]

  yes it is and in fact it comes up on a [TS]

  little overlay during an appearance on [TS]

  the screen but they only call it the [TS]

  Hollywood parade ya ali antennas the [TS]

  crappiest eat it is basically we got [TS]

  some movies to promote so here are some [TS]

  floats to promote movies and that that [TS]

  is the hollywood christmas parade hour [TS]

  or its TV shows and it's the actors who [TS]

  drew the short straws and have to ride [TS]

  in the convertible and why here is the [TS]

  kids from Modern Family who can't really [TS]

  say no without appearing in this parade [TS]

  and O'Neill isn't writing this [TS]

  convertible he he told us to go screw [TS]

  ourselves when we asked me that in fact [TS]

  he wrote into his contract that he will [TS]

  not do the hollywood christmas parade [TS]

  under any circumstances the hollywood [TS]

  christmas christmas parade is actually [TS]

  syndicated and I watched the actual [TS]

  operate that cool cat appeared in oh no [TS]

  I did I did we would still have to know [TS]

  this was it really hosted by Erik [TS]

  Estrada and whoever that lay down next [TS]

  to him was indeed Erik Estrada was the [TS]

  host wow oh my god I and I remember [TS]

  sitting sitting there watching with my [TS]

  wife because we we love watching crappy [TS]

  prints and making fun of them [TS]

  it is it is what keeps our marriage [TS]

  alive so the Macy's parade is great and [TS]

  the hollywood christmas parade is [TS]

  grateful if you considered first it's ya [TS]

  think he will watch the parade next year [TS]

  in verses but we were watching it and [TS]

  kool Kat comes on and we looked at each [TS]

  other and what in what in the hell is [TS]

  this because they are and what they're [TS]

  talking about [TS]

  cool cat likes a thing and Here I am [TS]

  Here Slater having watched kool Kat and [TS]

  I still have the same question but yeah [TS]

  what the hell what is that and this is [TS]

  where in the context of the movie it is [TS]

  declared kool Kat is the creation of [TS]

  Derek savage yes so i assume he's cool [TS]

  cats father I do love the the moment [TS]

  where they cut a cool cat for his big [TS]

  moment where he's going to say something [TS]

  get Derek says something to everybody [TS]

  and then he can't the the microphones [TS]

  cool cat who'd declare is how I know [TS]

  what you're gonna sing happy holidays [TS]

  but but but [TS]

  kool Kat was everyone but uh but Derek [TS]

  can't help but mouths words along with [TS]

  him it's amazing he does it so many [TS]

  times he doesn't in the end too and [TS]

  they're all saying goodbye [TS]

  if every scene that he's in when [TS]

  somebody else says something mama cat [TS]

  whoever it is he's always melt in the [TS]

  same words it's amazing he just longs to [TS]

  be cool cat for some reason in this [TS]

  parade they have a cool cat car [TS]

  yes yes that has a character this parade [TS]

  and is never seen again [TS]

  yeah the kool Kat convertible i should [TS]

  point out has an ad pointed out in [TS]

  several places for all aviation dot-com [TS]

  home of the kool Kat harrier spell each [TS]

  e.r r.i.p are the whole maybe no three [TS]

  times on the car and misspelled it every [TS]

  time there's a few great moments of [TS]

  incompetents throughout the parade [TS]

  there's that there's a bit worried Derek [TS]

  is filming the parade crowd and a blonde [TS]

  lady runs past yet clearly pans the [TS]

  camera follower so you can check out her [TS]

  but a lot of the footage is also out of [TS]

  focus with yes yeah I because it's him [TS]

  it's him striking that pose that lunge [TS]

  in the car and the convertible as he [TS]

  goes by I wrote down was it [TS]

  chaton iphone 4s anyway it is it is [TS]

  amazing because it's literally they paid [TS]

  to be in the parade and they're gonna [TS]

  use all the footage even though it [TS]

  doesn't make any sense or have anything [TS]

  to do with the movie and this goes back [TS]

  to the trailer the trailer promises [TS]

  something that it has some messages and [TS]

  also some completely random music videos [TS]

  and a completely pointless bit where he [TS]

  goes to a parade and the movie delivers [TS]

  in fact i think the text on the the the [TS]

  previous as see cool cat in the [TS]

  Hollywood parade like that's the thing [TS]

  you've most wanted to see your entire [TS]

  life [TS]

  now there's a couple couple things we [TS]

  need here first off i want to point out [TS]

  that what as they as they go through the [TS]

  intersection at hollywood and vine a [TS]

  graphic just goes on the screen like [TS]

  it's in iMovie that says the [TS]

  world-famous Hollywood and Vine [TS]

  pituitary my note reads sure why not [TS]

  just put it up there now is is this like [TS]

  the credits is this like the credits in [TS]

  comic sans or some very similar font [TS]

  because i'm pretty sure that everybody's [TS]

  favorite font is in use repeated it is [TS]

  something very much like comic sans if [TS]

  not common sense dare episode so they [TS]

  after the parade suddenly there are here [TS]

  there's a scene where Derek and kool Kat [TS]

  are about to head home from the parade [TS]

  and Derek is in a completely different [TS]

  outfit that he was in the parade [TS]

  so it's not just Erik Estrada and but [TS]

  they only probably soil itself during [TS]

  the parade it was very excited cool cat [TS]

  and again there's dialogue that there's [TS]

  no point being there [TS]

  kool Kat says he's very tired and eric [TS]

  says I'll help you into the car because [TS]

  we know the mascots can open car doors [TS]

  you can take a nap on the way home and [TS]

  so then they get home immediately it's [TS]

  just literally like cut to their at-home [TS]

  and-and-and mama cat is there and this [TS]

  is where we get the perhaps the one that [TS]

  creeps me out the most [TS]

  Derek refers to this is cat as my [TS]

  fine-looking kitty cat you find looking [TS]

  to catch you the correct response to [TS]

  that by the way is what she says which [TS]

  is Russia you know too sassy you know [TS]

  some actors stay in character the whole [TS]

  shoot do you think Derek wouldn't let [TS]

  the guy in the mascot suit out [TS]

  do you really think the guy in the [TS]

  mascot suit wants out [TS]

  he's got an acting career eastbound on [TS]

  sex sent me to the ER in fact in fact [TS]

  that the actor who plays kool Kat if you [TS]

  look at he's got a website where he's [TS]

  going to get according to the great well [TS]

  no he's cool cabins credit twice in the [TS]

  credits once as kool Kat and once as [TS]

  another actor and if you look at his [TS]

  demo reel on his website it shows him in [TS]

  a in like an independent movie and a [TS]

  scene from kool Kat I gotta say he's [TS]

  he's very gay [TS]

  what he's being asked to do here and [TS]

  he's actually somewhat entertaining to [TS]

  watch in the goofy stuff there it's a [TS]

  physicality of it is all organs [TS]

  yeah that you and I wouldn't have [TS]

  thought put into that so yeah he's not [TS]

  the worst thing in the movie he's not [TS]

  the best thing in the movie that would [TS]

  be pushed the portfolio established [TS]

  already he kept his energy up for the [TS]

  whole day and a half of shoes haha yeah [TS]

  so okay here we go so we're poolside I [TS]

  at the home of maybe vivica a fox I'm [TS]

  not sure [TS]

  yes it's it's the Monkees focus place [TS]

  according to a mama cass state their [TS]

  poolside a fox I'm sorry [TS]

  vivica a fox and Erik Estrada are [TS]

  sitting polls poolside they are in front [TS]

  of them is a full glass pitcher of [TS]

  lemonade and two plastic cock quotes [TS]

  quotes around like these guys are so [TS]

  liquored up in this suite is what here's [TS]

  the thing is they give maria some of the [TS]

  lemonade so so there's already but we [TS]

  don't see what's in there comes down [TS]

  their cups baby don't have to [TS]

  eliminating them someone but lemonade [TS]

  lemonade yeah and again Morris maza Tory [TS]

  dialogue here here here bye bye [TS]

  you know given to us by professional [TS]

  actors at one time or another including [TS]

  up in the lovely day is made vivica I'm [TS]

  surprised he doesn't say isn't vivica a [TS]

  fox [TS]

  yeah and she's pissed but where is kool [TS]

  Kat to itch but where is cool we get the [TS]

  response response [TS]

  go ahead day he is and its kool Kat I am [TS]

  confused by the logistics of the scene [TS]

  because they seem to be right in front [TS]

  of the pool and yet [TS]

  Erik Estrada points out right in front [TS]

  of him and when we cut cool cat runs in [TS]

  but there's no pool there so it seems to [TS]

  be a he's coming out of he's coming out [TS]

  of them [TS]

  yeah so the pool disappears and [TS]

  reappears basically as we go [TS]

  they gave him some lemonade which he [TS]

  drinks in one gulp and then burps you [TS]

  can't just go blast and passed the [TS]

  lemonade though [TS]

  yeah kool Kat comes in and he asked what [TS]

  you should do first and Eric's response [TS]

  because he really loves lemonade is how [TS]

  would you like a nice cold glass of [TS]

  lemonade [TS]

  yep it is the most off-line reading I've [TS]

  ever seen yet it's so perfect [TS]

  the also a good sign when you're in any [TS]

  low budget movie is that everybody [TS]

  drinks out of plastic because you don't [TS]

  want to break the glass because then [TS]

  you'd regular class so they're drinking [TS]

  out of these and you don't also you also [TS]

  don't want to see that vivica a fox and [TS]

  Erik Estrada are drinking scotch [TS]

  straight up and not so uh Maria is there [TS]

  and she wants to play in the sandbox so [TS]

  they say good their goodbyes temporarily [TS]

  to vivica a fox and Erik Estrada they go [TS]

  to the sandbox why the hell does vivica [TS]

  a fox have a sandbox apparently vivica a [TS]

  fox is toy shovel has survived the [TS]

  terrible crime rate [TS]

  yeah well it's it's because it's on [TS]

  private property or something or is it [TS]

  wasn't a wetland or something [TS]

  also why are you when a cat play in the [TS]

  city and the sandbox I know you just [TS]

  have some repairable place to one bad [TS]

  move [TS]

  yeah that's a good point because but [TS]

  which the bully has apparently somehow [TS]

  bypass nikkei foxes sophisticated home [TS]

  security isn't working in the weeds i [TS]

  think if i can point out one flaw [TS]

  oh ok did you find me i don't really i [TS]

  found with the story really falls apart [TS]

  and it's this year comes the nitpicking [TS]

  because i'll be the judge it on as jason [TS]

  says they're playing in the sandbox and [TS]

  then push the bully appears to believe [TS]

  them and the key box is going why [TS]

  there's a bully we yeah what can we do [TS]

  about that and I I'm like vivica a fox [TS]

  this is your property yeah you can [TS]

  literally have arrested for trespassing [TS]

  you can ask him to leave you can say hey [TS]

  you get off my land [TS]

  well okay in defense of cool cat they're [TS]

  not clear at that point whether he's a [TS]

  bully or not they think he might be a [TS]

  friend of cool cat [TS]

  although Erik Estrada is doubtful [TS]

  because all of cool cat [TS]

  friends are cool and this kid does not [TS]

  appear to be pretty cool at all that kid [TS]

  looks like that whatever he turns out to [TS]

  be he better not be a bully because [TS]

  visit a foxhole doesn't let all the [TS]

  better not be a bully because i don't [TS]

  like bullies in the actual reading of [TS]

  the law [TS]

  yeah oh yeah I didn't think a father and [TS]

  she knows it narrows her eyes it's a [TS]

  nice she's trying to sort of here [TS]

  I don't like bullies I think she's [TS]

  rocking it to be honest with you [TS]

  she's probably the second best [TS]

  performance after bush tried to put [TS]

  smurfy yeah well and remember she's got [TS]

  to do it sitting next to Erik Estrada [TS]

  who's talking about lemonade [TS]

  yeah Oh Erik Estrada gives off just I [TS]

  don't care fine tearing this whatever [TS]

  just feed me the lines line if they had [TS]

  one step up if they had left in footage [TS]

  of him screen lineup at a production [TS]

  assistant you go ahead Derek you send [TS]

  those pictures into the enquirer I don't [TS]

  have a career now anyway [TS]

  Erik Estrada might think the love boat [TS]

  is still filled possible which the bully [TS]

  appears he does not like sand castles so [TS]

  he kicked over the sand castle which was [TS]

  in the trailer by the way I think the [TS]

  end as i said earlier about the [TS]

  geography and the scene is very weird [TS]

  butch kicks the sam cassell away from [TS]

  kool Kat but kool Kat reacts as if the [TS]

  sand has been kicked in his face with [TS]

  all which doesn't really make any sense [TS]

  and this is yet another immortal line [TS]

  reading from Erik Estrada which is that [TS]

  kicks and cool cat face I think we [TS]

  better go save them [TS]

  he produces he he pronounces roughly 18 [TS]

  of the number of letter in that first [TS]

  put them up on which the bully [TS]

  I think slightly which fleas and area [TS]

  Erik Estrada and vivica a fox go over to [TS]

  check on kool Kat and kool Kat explains [TS]

  in a line right out of the trailer that [TS]

  I still love I got scared and became [TS]

  confused as to which eric tells the [TS]

  story and Erik Estrada says would you [TS]

  like to know what vivica did to stop her [TS]

  bully this is erica reminding vivica [TS]

  that Derek Savage has dirt on her too [TS]

  yeah would you both like to hear what [TS]

  physical did think about the virus goes [TS]

  hey you said you were going to mention [TS]

  that so we learned the solution to a [TS]

  bully as you yell at them very loud with [TS]

  and they will run away [TS]

  that's right the key anti-bullying [TS]

  strategy is yell at them loudly yeah now [TS]

  Maria has a story about a bully to which [TS]

  is continues to lurk in the background [TS]

  he tries to steal their lunch money [TS]

  which is very strange because they're [TS]

  visiting vivica a fox and playing in her [TS]

  swimming pool and her sandbox [TS]

  so why would they bring lunch money is [TS]

  Vivica Fox charge for lunch [TS]

  I don't know know that he wanted vivica [TS]

  a fox is lunch money which would be to [TS]

  300 bucks for a very fancy months and [TS]

  Holly yeah that's right spot goes on [TS]

  foot but they learned their lesson [TS]

  immediately again from what vivica and [TS]

  Eric have told them they they stand up [TS]

  to push the bully [TS]

  maria says I'm going to tell my mom you [TS]

  yelled at me there's a horrible jump cut [TS]

  of editing and butch is gone and Vivica [TS]

  and Erik Estrada comeback by the way all [TS]

  the scenes were vivica and Erik Estrada [TS]

  or their shot at a completely different [TS]

  time of day from the rest of the scenes [TS]

  because they only had them for a short [TS]

  amount of time and then at the end of [TS]

  the scene again cool cat turns to the [TS]

  camera and declares i love you and [TS]

  together we can stop bullying yeah and [TS]

  all raise their fists in victory then [TS]

  the triumphant theme music cuts off like [TS]

  three seconds before the CT I'm gonna [TS]

  I'm gonna refer to my notes again here [TS]

  and i hope that i transcribe this [TS]

  properly and that this isn't just [TS]

  something I wrote because my brain was [TS]

  fun but I believed Bush says that dark [TS]

  with a fox and Erik Estrada met Harriet [TS]

  up messed up throughout this movie there [TS]

  will be sometimes super cheerful chipper [TS]

  annoying music going for no reason dude [TS]

  and then i'll just cut off in the middle [TS]

  of the scene of a sound editing here and [TS]

  in the trailer the thing that I noticed [TS]

  and and partially because I do a lot of [TS]

  sound editing now because i do podcast [TS]

  stuff but the trailer and the movie both [TS]

  have kind of poor sound editing at many [TS]

  points and the music you see you notice [TS]

  that a lot [TS]

  there's a fascinating seen later on [TS]

  where we and they also cycle through [TS]

  those those songs they've got they've [TS]

  got the cool cat songs and they play the [TS]

  kool Kat songs over and over again [TS]

  sometimes many times in a scene [TS]

  there's a scene later on where there's [TS]

  some music playing that is like [TS]

  underlying everything there's like as if [TS]

  there's music playing in the background [TS]

  except i think it's a cool cat song but [TS]

  while that music is playing in the [TS]

  background something happens and other [TS]

  music plays to score the thing that's [TS]

  happening in the foreground but the [TS]

  other music never stops it's still going [TS]

  on in the background never seen that [TS]

  before in a movie where there's just two [TS]

  competing sense of music happening [TS]

  simultaneously very avant-garde [TS]

  I like that they sprung for a pair of [TS]

  angry eyebrows for cool cat yes which he [TS]

  has on well before birth which turns up [TS]

  the second time so he's he's really [TS]

  pissed off about that sandcastle East [TS]

  reality our sandcastle stupid castle we [TS]

  saw a toy shovel but you make it a very [TS]

  good point to fill that immediately upon [TS]

  leaving in tears but the bully is [TS]

  talking about how cool cat escaped [TS]

  nothing yet [TS]

  so in other words yelling at the bully [TS]

  solved nothing and bushes just going to [TS]

  redouble his efforts now so good work [TS]

  everybody we did it when they go home [TS]

  there is a cool cat finds an [TS]

  entertainment magazine 30 minutes the [TS]

  lower who one of derek's entertainment [TS]

  magazines it has a headline over the [TS]

  face on it ever be very act out that's [TS]

  how it totally works it will actually if [TS]

  you if you freeze frame that you'll [TS]

  notice that a bunch of stuff is like [TS]

  blurred out too so it's a very [TS]

  questionable cover but if there's a [TS]

  writing can't contest in there [TS]

  apparently and so cool cat decides he's [TS]

  going to enter the writing contest so he [TS]

  decides to create something called [TS]

  trolley the trout which is it turns out [TS]

  of another character created by Derek [TS]

  savage he has writer's block he [TS]

  struggles with writer's block and so he [TS]

  does is we all do when we are having [TS]

  trouble writing he does some exercise [TS]

  and this brian you can check the box [TS]

  with cool cats going to teach us about [TS]

  exercise [TS]

  oh he does his exercises jumping jacks [TS]

  he does foreshadow boxing's he does for [TS]

  jumps on a pretend jump rope and he's [TS]

  done this is the part of my notes we're [TS]

  out large swathes of cool cat where [TS]

  nothing happens [TS]

  yeah well he does [TS]

  exercise he he he then decides to get [TS]

  back to work riding a trolley the trout [TS]

  and takes a long time to struggle to [TS]

  pick up the notebook and a pen in his [TS]

  big mascot and and rips off a pick-up [TS]

  age of the notebook in from the process [TS]

  it is really it's really amazing so if [TS]

  you keeping track cool cat heads out to [TS]

  write his book or just after eleven [TS]

  o'clock because you can clearly see the [TS]

  clock on the wall when he goes outside [TS]

  and he gets called in by Derek as it's [TS]

  getting dark so since we're in Los [TS]

  Angeles and roughly Thanksgiving time [TS]

  it's probably about five o'clock they [TS]

  were there is ripping now so he's been [TS]

  out there maybe 5-6 hours and i assume [TS]

  roughly two-thirds of that time was [TS]

  spent attempting and failing to pick up [TS]

  the I think it's probably through so [TS]

  hehe now is going to draw a little bit [TS]

  the he he picks up pens and warlike [TS]

  drops a bunch of them and only one pan [TS]

  remains in his hand but he manages to [TS]

  draw this thing that's prolly the trout [TS]

  and we get a cut we get a picture of a [TS]

  very much in a cut-away and you can see [TS]

  actually that it says trolley the trout [TS]

  and and right over cool cats hand is [TS]

  trying to obscure it but it actually [TS]

  says by dare and it's very clearly by [TS]

  there he is or 10 Phillies average so he [TS]

  does know what an insert shot is he [TS]

  could have used that on that stupid kool [TS]

  Kat for school president later i'm still [TS]

  mad about from the beginning of anyone [TS]

  at this point cool cat once again turns [TS]

  to the cameras see you tomorrow bye [TS]

  before we can't go past this little bit [TS]

  i have to point out in the scene where [TS]

  Derek calls in a calls in cool cat for [TS]

  his 6pm at that time [TS]

  yeah it in in the scenes where you see [TS]

  Derek savage from the front [TS]

  he's wearing a dark green shirt when you [TS]

  see him from behind he is wearing a [TS]

  light blue shirt and it cuts directly [TS]

  from one to the other with no [TS]

  intervening CR back to the left and this [TS]

  goes on maybe like seven different cuts [TS]

  its to Wes wonders and then the most [TS]

  disturbing babymoon happy it [TS]

  swirly somewhat disturbing once you uh [TS]

  once you once you don't do it once you [TS]

  look for it on shutterstock it isn't [TS]

  scary anymore it's on shutterstock [TS]

  anybody can use all right but but here's [TS]

  here's something I gotta bring up which [TS]

  is that in the original version of cool [TS]

  cat he uses the shutterstock thing and [TS]

  he put it in backwards so that as the [TS]

  moon goes by it's sucking in the letter [TS]

  Z instead of blowing down as it sleeps [TS]

  in the night sky better go talk some z's [TS]

  as the saying goes let's say to the moon [TS]

  eats your sleep [TS]

  so it's it's like a farm in the [TS]

  countryside that we're seeing there so [TS]

  it has no connection with the suburban [TS]

  location of cool cat [TS]

  now that's the one houses on the [TS]

  hillside in the fucking intense and that [TS]

  this is where we do see kool Kat brushes [TS]

  teeth bet he doesn't have this time he's [TS]

  given up on the concept of privacy he [TS]

  realizes his life is a movie we are [TS]

  watching it [TS]

  his every move Google is everywhere [TS]

  there's no sense in getting to hide [TS]

  everything is the truman show after four [TS]

  or five cats [TS]

  we tried that with MC skat Kat did not [TS]

  go well when he wakes up before he does [TS]

  the tooth brushing and gives us his [TS]

  advice he says it's such a beautiful day [TS]

  and i love to have fun beautiful days [TS]

  that's just the kind of guy kool Kat is [TS]

  andy just more exercises he just for [TS]

  jumping jacks and four squats and then [TS]

  he's done yes that's it [TS]

  it's a brisk exercise routine brushing [TS]

  it goes downstairs talk to mom-mom again [TS]

  continues to be dubbed in its really [TS]

  weird she calls him honey child at one [TS]

  point yes and then and then Derek daddy [TS]

  Derek gives him [TS]

  kool Kat some very important advice [TS]

  which is stay in the front yard so we [TS]

  know where you're at right [TS]

  we also have one of the most distressing [TS]

  flirtations in the movie at breakfast [TS]

  time where Derek looks at mama cat who's [TS]

  served up a plate of food and says [TS]

  that's looking good i hope i get a plate [TS]

  of that [TS]

  yeah she says oh hi shop is what i just [TS]

  said it's looking good [TS]

  it is the creepiest expression [TS]

  understand it was a weird thing with his [TS]

  body to he does this like shimmy ya know [TS]

  they're there [TS]

  there's a lot going on in that scene [TS]

  that I feel like there was a rerun of [TS]

  Alice [TS]

  and while he was writing this segment he [TS]

  just copy down flows dialogue we've all [TS]

  experienced this cool cat wakes up with [TS]

  the inspiration for the last line of his [TS]

  book which is it turns out is trolley [TS]

  the trout makes another year and which [TS]

  as we've seen during his day long [TS]

  writing exercise yesterday also happens [TS]

  to be every other line of his books so [TS]

  good job cool cat before we move from [TS]

  the scene i want to point out that this [TS]

  is one of the only times the movie we [TS]

  get to see daddy Derek and mama cat [TS]

  together alone in a scene and I [TS]

  desperately wanted them to cut away as [TS]

  fast as possible [TS]

  I was terrified of what I did you did [TS]

  you forget you black out the part where [TS]

  he hugs her earlier and goes oh yeah [TS]

  apparently I did [TS]

  coquette declares his love of boogie [TS]

  woogie again because that is totally [TS]

  timely happy [TS]

  what's the Anderson Maria and Mikey come [TS]

  by mikey has gotten a new ball that [TS]

  bounces really high [TS]

  Oh Mikey but he bounces it off his foot [TS]

  into the street and almost runs out into [TS]

  a car to which kool Kat says look both [TS]

  ways before you got into the street and [TS]

  Mikey's responses well I learned my [TS]

  lesson [TS]

  I'm always going to look both ways ok [TS]

  that one's done taking care no no no the [TS]

  great part about that scene is mikey run [TS]

  out into the street to cocaine because [TS]

  as kool Kat and Maria bait whether he's [TS]

  going to be safer [TS]

  should we tell him i don't know probably [TS]

  let him know that a car is coming [TS]

  yes I don't know he's using individual [TS]

  capable of making his own decisions and [TS]

  events that eventually they do warn him [TS]

  and he's he say because why is it right [TS]

  tragedy in the one instance of the film [TS]

  were kool Kat actually saves a kid [TS]

  through and immediately after this [TS]

  important lesson [TS]

  kool Kat springs directly into the [TS]

  street without looking both ways he did [TS]

  Monty in the original version of cool [TS]

  cat saves the kids but you'll find in [TS]

  this version version 2 dot o that there [TS]

  is a micro second clip of cool cat that [TS]

  cuts very obtrusively into that scene [TS]

  where he looks to the left and look to [TS]

  the right very quickly I i can't believe [TS]

  i didn't mention that I'm that I in [TS]

  in the scene with daddy Derek mama cat [TS]

  earlier they do the dishes and again [TS]

  mascot hand the entire doing the dishes [TS]

  is that she has one very large plastic [TS]

  cup that she barely manages to hand to [TS]

  him and that was her [TS]

  it's an interesting division of labor in [TS]

  the cat household and he's at cleaning [TS]

  it either he's just rubbing it with a [TS]

  towel like a bartender with nothing and [TS]

  he's really proud of our hand him that [TS]

  cup 2 is a good job that's a good 1i [TS]

  squawking teams manage our hands [TS]

  that's good it's a terrible condition [TS]

  really we should be making light of it [TS]

  you or somebody you know as mascot what [TS]

  state of journalism have we reached in [TS]

  news radio because we get the [TS]

  neighborhood news alerts here that are [TS]

  that are apparently being read by a guy [TS]

  just standing off camera and it's a [TS]

  candy thief has struck again at help [TS]

  police [TS]

  somebody's been stealing candy from [TS]

  Yankees that can be raised again all the [TS]

  kids are crying uh-huh [TS]

  bb2 starts beware crook and and the [TS]

  their their friends from earlier Madison [TS]

  now unnamed says a boy took my candy in [TS]

  my school boys now I'll have nothing to [TS]

  read read it errored ten-year-old baby [TS]

  it's like he vanished [TS]

  they say nobody has actually seen him [TS]

  behind but it'll be still be shocked [TS]

  when the big reveal happens and it turns [TS]

  out that but fully was responding Steve [TS]

  come on spoiler alert a kid one time [TS]

  sorry said while hartnett all the books [TS]

  that he's right there and the camera [TS]

  pans over to butch who's standing on the [TS]

  sidewalk cackling evilly which is great [TS]

  rubbing his hands together including [TS]

  gonna put any book and he declares that [TS]

  that he throws candy on the sidewalk and [TS]

  says this candy will trip him and you'll [TS]

  fall flat on his face right and runs [TS]

  away [TS]

  what a great plan it's great and so cool [TS]

  cat decides to chase Butch and he does [TS]

  it through blurry vision where right [TS]

  cool cat is suddenly all blurry and [TS]

  stuff [TS]

  radiating rays of light or something [TS]

  yeah yes well no it'sit's those it's his [TS]

  super power that enables him to make an [TS]

  epic jump over a tiny [TS]

  I loved candy and one border and [TS]

  understand this plan of stealing stuff [TS]

  and then using that stuff as an obstacle [TS]

  so you can get away but you end up [TS]

  without the kandyan book i think the [TS]

  plan all along was to trip up kool Kat [TS]

  because remember he was he's he left [TS]

  vivica Fox's and erik estradas issuing [TS]

  revenge vowing revenge and so this is [TS]

  that was it all along irony of ironies [TS]

  Bush doesn't look both ways when he's [TS]

  crossing the street and runs right into [TS]

  a holy scar and the police just telling [TS]

  the cop the cop gets out of the car and [TS]

  says what are you doing kid and then [TS]

  just put them in the car doesn't ask me [TS]

  saying doesn't know anything how does he [TS]

  know that he's the candy thief we know [TS]

  and no explanation of any of that [TS]

  obviously kool Kat tipped them off [TS]

  because there's a sequel captain say [TS]

  thanks for your help cool cat that was [TS]

  very heroic [TS]

  I prefer to think that butch is just [TS]

  going straight to jail for the heinous [TS]

  crime of being hit by a police cruiser [TS]

  yeah I so they're encouraging you to [TS]

  chase children into the street yep [TS]

  good job little maybe he'll get my scars [TS]

  yeah being brought to jail yet so I'm at [TS]

  it [TS]

  problem solved boy stop legend of mana [TS]

  it's gonna be put in the mechanic our [TS]

  problem problem totally solved they go [TS]

  home [TS]

  roughly four minutes have passed since [TS]

  breakfast and now it's time for Derek to [TS]

  come out and tell this timeline so Maria [TS]

  says and and this is actually what she [TS]

  says [TS]

  yeah that was groovy uh-huh [TS]

  we should make a movie about you will [TS]

  call it cool cat saves the kids this is [TS]

  not the only time the word groovy shows [TS]

  you know not cool cat is a hero and he's [TS]

  my best friend [TS]

  so it's lunch time they play that kool [TS]

  Kat music in the background again [TS]

  kool Kat like yeah mhm or its but note [TS]

  that we have another scene here where [TS]

  mama cat is in the same room at school [TS]

  yet yeah here we go we've got another [TS]

  difference between two dot 0 and 1 dot 0 [TS]

  previously the split screen shot went [TS]

  straight down the side of the doorway [TS]

  that Derek savage walks in on but [TS]

  apparently he missed the fact that the [TS]

  front three inches of cool cats knees [TS]

  were uncertain obviously sliced off in [TS]

  that version of it so if you look [TS]

  closely into dotto you can see the place [TS]

  where the split-screen line comes down [TS]

  makes a complete right-angle turn just [TS]

  far enough to cover the cool cats knees [TS]

  and then goes down again now you lose [TS]

  Derek savages feet but they're not as [TS]

  important [TS]

  I actually impressed that he went to [TS]

  this much effort because this is not a [TS]

  movie that requires special effects but [TS]

  for some reason it was really important [TS]

  to him to create the illusion of having [TS]

  two cat costumes and this scene is not [TS]

  badly done made they seem to be having a [TS]

  conversation [TS]

  except for Maria's hair flopping across [TS]

  the line [TS]

  I like how much effort he went two for a [TS]

  completely pointless effect right so [TS]

  apparently we've reached the point where [TS]

  we've wrapped around the side where we [TS]

  think this isn't that bad [TS]

  I'm like so this is where he spent all [TS]

  his effort was meticulously doing this [TS]

  yep screen rather than finding another [TS]

  cancer [TS]

  yeah and it holds up for a good minute [TS]

  or two if you take a screenshot look at [TS]

  that doesn't that doesn't need to look [TS]

  exactly like kool Kat they could have [TS]

  gotten a different cat suit and it would [TS]

  have been fine [TS]

  she could have been a person and it was [TS]

  a bed 51 of his parents is already a [TS]

  paper due [TS]

  okay you got it you you win actually [TS]

  more than fine it would have made so [TS]

  much of this movie so much less [TS]

  uncomfortable but a speaking of time how [TS]

  they just had breakfast and now it's [TS]

  time for lunch and also the radio news [TS]

  reveals that the candy crook has been [TS]

  released the police were forced to let [TS]

  him go because of a lack of evidence so [TS]

  in in the last 10 minutes essentially [TS]

  which has been released so the crook the [TS]

  crook ate all the candy according to the [TS]

  reporter we're completely disregarding [TS]

  that help you pile he dropped on the [TS]

  sidewalk a few feet from where he was [TS]

  arrested which the cop clearly would [TS]

  have seen no evidence there are [TS]

  witnesses you want to swear cool cat in [TS]

  you know [TS]

  kool Kat can't put his hand on a Bible [TS]

  he can you can rub it across we can make [TS]

  a lovely poster and ok we're into the [TS]

  were into the next segment now which is [TS]

  gun safety how ya so Mikey decides it's [TS]

  time is it Mikey decides it's time to [TS]

  it's mikey two were to play treasure [TS]

  hunters you perhaps know him from his [TS]

  bouncy ball is he chased into the [TS]

  defining characteristic I let's play [TS]

  treasure hunters and look for stuff like [TS]

  on tv [TS]

  so now that lunch is over they can [TS]

  finally go do that [TS]

  that so the first step of treasure [TS]

  hunters is to find love your way I see [TS]

  it is it seems like every treasure [TS]

  hunter has what I'm sure you recall [TS]

  Indiana Jones that we got that one [TS]

  telling quarter mates stick of lock this [TS]

  is the part where I was angry at the [TS]

  trailer for spoiling the exciting [TS]

  conclusion of what they would find when [TS]

  they went treasure hunting because i [TS]

  already knew what it was going to be [TS]

  it's a gun [TS]

  it's a real gun now I should point out [TS]

  that at this point there in cool Pat's [TS]

  back your yard with to me just raises [TS]

  more disturbing questions about the [TS]

  nature of the cat family is this some [TS]

  previously unseen facet of their sexy [TS]

  play why do they have a gun in there you [TS]

  also it's not like it's it's a gun that [TS]

  is actually a working gun people would [TS]

  use today it it's like one of those [TS]

  fancy deerhunter Russian Roulette guns [TS]

  that you use to without with the [TS]

  rotating chamber it seems like it's a [TS]

  very outdated gun is my plants while the [TS]

  kid was Mikey was looking straight at [TS]

  ten can asking it was an antique and [TS]

  then it turns out they find an antique [TS]

  guns [TS]

  yeah it's probably worth a lot they [TS]

  should be happy about it so who knows [TS]

  what how it got in the backyard [TS]

  obviously this backyard is accessible to [TS]

  everyone because Bush the bully is [TS]

  lurking in the backyard and when they go [TS]

  to tell daddy Derek about the big time [TS]

  it's like it's like novocaine foxes [TS]

  backyard where apparently there's some [TS]

  public easement that on the house you [TS]

  free passage [TS]

  yeah that's for the best your heart no [TS]

  offense can stop push the bully he knows [TS]

  no bounds yeah this is the one time I [TS]

  want to criticize bitches character [TS]

  motivations because he sees the gun and [TS]

  the first thought is he can take it to [TS]

  school and take everyone's lunch money [TS]

  but come on set your sights a little [TS]

  higher you have done you can do so much [TS]

  more than that you can go show Erik [TS]

  Estrada and vivica a fox that's right it [TS]

  looks like what a wonder is a gun what a [TS]

  versatile invention [TS]

  first of all when you have a gun [TS]

  everybody pays attention [TS]

  Stephen Sondheim yokes of course which [TS]

  takes the gun he utters that classic [TS]

  kids favorite phrase it's going to be [TS]

  fat time for me personally but it's [TS]

  always fat [TS]

  or something very similar to that I [TS]

  frankly have no idea what the balloons [TS]

  at any point is very hard to say what [TS]

  he's saying but I did I idea might be [TS]

  far time for him i don't know enjoy him [TS]

  though my notes have stopped because I [TS]

  had been beating somebody might note [TS]

  here Steve your present is my note here [TS]

  just says but the bullies the best actor [TS]

  in this whole thing as long as you can [TS]

  understand him right so he's the worst [TS]

  kind of this yeah i know that we're not [TS]

  staying here [TS]

  no no it doesn't matter that you can't [TS]

  understand him you just know what he [TS]

  said [TS]

  see it's it doesn't want got guys gun [TS]

  has no artisan else in it so he sees [TS]

  clear on pronounced Derek cousin put too [TS]

  much his dad which is weird because it [TS]

  is very much sounds like but which is [TS]

  dead is standing behind the camera [TS]

  reading his dialogue he calls but his [TS]

  dad James the place it's a family man [TS]

  who says you look into it but he's [TS]

  clearly going to blow enough very [TS]

  clearly gonna point it off we get the we [TS]

  get the shutterstock Sun and Moon video [TS]

  a second time [TS]

  right-o at this point in the in the [TS]

  morning cool cat gets up we know he's [TS]

  slept again but we haven't seen to [TS]

  dreamland this time daddy Derek wakes [TS]

  him up and at one point he gives cook a [TS]

  pep talk at one point he calls cool cat [TS]

  tiger and I just for him that's weird [TS]

  because he's a cat [TS]

  easy tiger so then we get the the very [TS]

  next scene is that the the two kids kool [TS]

  Kat and daddy Derek walking to school [TS]

  because he's walking the mall to school [TS]

  because he said he would yesterday and [TS]

  it's in slow motion [TS]

  I'm gonna throw a flag here again this [TS]

  is terrible at fuckies because we know [TS]

  that's the maniac has a gun i'm gonna [TS]

  walk you to school walking to school [TS]

  kids so that all of us are target yeah [TS]

  shit what what part of shelter in place [TS]

  has air but they did they walk him to [TS]

  school in slow motion with music playing [TS]

  like it's a Quentin Tarantino movie [TS]

  yeah well okay recall filled that his [TS]

  previous advise the day before [TS]

  immediately after bush who was still in [TS]

  the neighborhood took off with the gun [TS]

  was you kids walk home by yourself [TS]

  yeah we're going back in the house it's [TS]

  quite a crazy guy with a grudge against [TS]

  you probably won't do anything right [TS]

  away you and your bouncy ball on your [TS]

  own might not look look butch there [TS]

  bitch and he's got the gun he's there [TS]

  with a with a with a buddy [TS]

  no no he's there with Jamie or you [TS]

  boneheads i'm not sure which [TS]

  that's right he's approximately a year [TS]

  younger and has a buzz cut this [TS]

  yeah and this is the butt spanking kid [TS]

  having a gun makes you young and kooky [TS]

  Mama's gonna work me and shut it down as [TS]

  well this is where we get it that kids [TS]

  got a little gimmick maybe he is maybe [TS]

  is boneheads parents all of a sudden [TS]

  like all these lines are about my mama [TS]

  beat the crap outta me so roughly two [TS]

  days earlier we saw this same child a [TS]

  foot taller and with longer hair and now [TS]

  he's got a buzz cut and as a year you [TS]

  crack the code Steve and we also should [TS]

  point out that he he swore up and down [TS]

  that he was gonna go straight at that [TS]

  point but obviously cool cats love [TS]

  spreading had zero impact on his bad [TS]

  behaviour of the cops come the cops come [TS]

  and they said they tell butch to put the [TS]

  gum gun down and they take they take [TS]

  Butch and Jamie or you boneheads away [TS]

  and and after the cops are proud of cool [TS]

  cat [TS]

  oh yeah the teachers come out to say how [TS]

  proud they are they are proud although [TS]

  he has done nothing except run into the [TS]

  school and so then we immediately get [TS]

  another clip video that it's going to be [TS]

  later in the day we're cool cat [TS]

  apparently has become president of the [TS]

  school off-screen entirely so there's [TS]

  resolution on that important but just it [TS]

  word reaches them that kool Kat was [TS]

  after the shelter in place at the school [TS]

  because there was a gun on campus they [TS]

  held the election and because his [TS]

  campaign promises involved a hard-line [TS]

  stance against violence [TS]

  kool Kat was elected school president [TS]

  well I think butch was his competition [TS]

  who that explains the whole thing why [TS]

  butch was trying to disrupt his [TS]

  important campaign meetings with Maria [TS]

  and then once bushes taken to jail [TS]

  kool Kat is running unopposed now I i [TS]

  thinkyeah which was the dirty tricks [TS]

  operation of kool Katz opponent uh he's [TS]

  he's the Donald Segretti of [TS]

  of whatever terrible school [TS]

  cool cat goes to ICU so you think cool [TS]

  cats opponent had the sense to keep his [TS]

  hands clean and use it oh yeah no no he [TS]

  wants deniability [TS]

  yeah absolutely so cool cat and Maria [TS]

  are going to go outside because this [TS]

  entire movie is about going inside and [TS]

  outside from the cool cat house note by [TS]

  the way the clock inside the cool cat [TS]

  house indicates that it's 1120 meaning [TS]

  that it must be very short scale day or [TS]

  they just let the class president and [TS]

  his entourage go home whenever they feel [TS]

  like it is it it's a teacher workday [TS]

  it's a minimum days you know they have [TS]

  those yeah [TS]

  1120 is pretty minimal minimal as it [TS]

  gets [TS]

  ok but daddy Derek comes out with their [TS]

  with their their drinks and announces [TS]

  that kool Kat won the National kids [TS]

  writing contest that's kid apostrophe s [TS]

  writer [TS]

  yeah it's right up there sure isn't in [TS]

  your writing contest you want your [TS]

  judges to have no clue and so he has [TS]

  kool Kat the award of excellence which [TS]

  appears to be printed from the same [TS]

  printer that all the cool cat campaign [TS]

  signs came from but he also brings the [TS]

  mid drinks and did you notice something [TS]

  interesting about the drinks that [TS]

  they're brought their Long Island iced [TS]

  know it [TS]

  same classes as vivica a fox and Erik [TS]

  Estrada were using big exactly it's this [TS]

  notice that she's pretty I wanted [TS]

  retrospect as vivica a fox and Erik [TS]

  Estrada were using before right daddy [TS]

  Derek also brings out the check for one [TS]

  hundred dollars which I feel like maybe [TS]

  just a tad suspect because it's signed [TS]

  by Johnny happen into the check out the [TS]

  new haircut for the prize for a contest [TS]

  that was both announced and one at [TS]

  Christmastime is dated july 21st 2014 [TS]

  sadly that's the actual check the actor [TS]

  received first hundred dollars that's [TS]

  twice this movie is designed by Johnny [TS]

  happened Johnny happen is printed on the [TS]

  signature line digital signature that's [TS]

  legal [TS]

  sure is I anyway next up the butt [TS]

  spanking kid from the previous scene [TS]

  returns to apologize for his terrible [TS]

  behavior and look his hairs long again [TS]

  and he's grown taller in the day or half [TS]

  a day that says butt butt spanked he [TS]

  makes your hair grow this is medical [TS]

  fact [TS]

  oh wait we learned that we get the [TS]

  payoff here we learned that he did [TS]

  indeed get that whooping if yeah my mama [TS]

  walked me good and now I'm good [TS]

  so I guess that's the left hit your kids [TS]

  but no no they talk about their lessons [TS]

  immediately i do they do [TS]

  kool Kat in fact also spend some time [TS]

  giving us his thoughts about [TS]

  cyberbullying ok those are wicked [TS]

  thoughts to disperse it's sort of [TS]

  confusing but he kind of works his way [TS]

  around to ignore them [TS]

  just ignore them just forget to go into [TS]

  nor them if you sent it there's really [TS]

  not anything you could do [TS]

  sorry it's kinda hard because you don't [TS]

  know something but you know there's a [TS]

  cesspool kids and the quicker you learn [TS]

  to deal with that the better you'll your [TS]

  life will be filled but you realize this [TS]

  is a group of people who were shocked to [TS]

  discover that somebody had put lies on [TS]

  the internet so there may be a little [TS]

  naivete at work anyway cool cat and his [TS]

  friends turn to the camera and declare [TS]

  hooray yay [TS]

  we've solved everything he says on three [TS]

  the kids look at cool cats hand as if [TS]

  terrified to place their hands upon the [TS]

  giant mascot hands they may do well [TS]

  they're afraid their hands will turn [TS]

  into campaign fails to cut count to [TS]

  three and they just they just throw [TS]

  their hands up and that's it it's over [TS]

  and they turned the camera and it [TS]

  rapidly fades out because there's [TS]

  nothing left to say except rolling the [TS]

  credits of cool cat saves the kids a [TS]

  Derek savage field so to sum up he's [TS]

  cool cat he loves you [TS]

  friends are great let's all be friends [TS]

  and have fun together [TS]

  yeah my favorite part of what you just [TS]

  said is it's a hospital for huh [TS]

  ok let's start again roll cookout likes [TS]

  11 singh who get likes to boogie boogie [TS]

  boo [TS]

  yeah that and this is the place where we [TS]

  discovered that maybe we aren't getting [TS]

  that fourth song that we were promised [TS]

  yes we have the rock song with the van [TS]

  halen guitar we have green screen room [TS]

  music video we [TS]

  have kool Kat yeah coo coo at which [TS]

  place for parent what's the for the surf [TS]

  in the winter weather from the web is [TS]

  certainly where I don't think that [TS]

  counts [TS]

  I mean I look through okay first of all [TS]

  I look through the four songs listed in [TS]

  the credits in there were four songs [TS]

  listed in the credits and it was [TS]

  impossible to tell which song went with [TS]

  which yeah which title yeah because [TS]

  they're all called by the same thing [TS]

  basically which is cool cat [TS]

  kool Kat is kool kool Kat boogie cool [TS]

  cat loves to rock and kool Katz is my [TS]

  best friend they're interchangeable [TS]

  yes but each of those literally had the [TS]

  words cool cat loves to boogie or cool [TS]

  cat is a friend or something along the [TS]

  lines in it whereas you would think [TS]

  surfing the web would turn up in the [TS]

  title somewhere since that's all that [TS]

  was talking about but no no [TS]

  so one of those songs gone AWOL and I I [TS]

  want it back [TS]

  yeah do you maybe it was clipped out [TS]

  maybe was like yeah but you know that [TS]

  I'm sure that it felt to be too childish [TS]

  yeah but I don't understand who this [TS]

  movie is in debt because you know [TS]

  clearly teenagers will look at this [TS]

  movie I think this is it this is [TS]

  bullcrap [TS]

  yeah duh and people on trial expired [TS]

  teenagers well under the age of 10 or [TS]

  gonna gonna look at it and go [TS]

  I don't know what this crazy cat person [TS]

  is talking about i I'm a problem with [TS]

  cool cat saves the Kansas City in it [TS]

  it's a movie that doesn't really [TS]

  understand who the hell is supposed to [TS]

  supposed to be watching this movie [TS]

  yeah but the feeling I get is that Derek [TS]

  Savage is he's a simple man [TS]

  yeah and by that I don't mean I'd i mean [TS]

  i don't mean that he's a dumb guy i have [TS]

  no idea whether he's smarter dunno i [TS]

  have my have a general idea i'm gonna go [TS]

  with dumb but go on what I'm saying is I [TS]

  think he's he likes the simple pleasures [TS]

  in life he lives in kind of a bubbling [TS]

  just enjoys you know but standing out in [TS]

  the backyard and waving his little size [TS]

  around and pretending to play his little [TS]

  van halen guitar and I honestly think it [TS]

  just never occurred to him that kids are [TS]

  more sophisticated today than they were [TS]

  when [TS]

  he was growing up and he's riding the [TS]

  concept that kids have absolutely no [TS]

  conception of what is good and bad and [TS]

  he legitimately wanted to put together a [TS]

  little thing that would make them a [TS]

  little money and also spread the [TS]

  messages about bullet when do you think [TS]

  he grew up I was he looks like he's in [TS]

  his early fifties maybe well I mean with [TS]

  the groovy than the boogie boogies um [TS]

  yeah that Playgirl spread looks like it [TS]

  was late seventies early eighties to be [TS]

  fair every Playgirl spread looks like [TS]

  it's late 70s its kind of the aesthetic [TS]

  of the magazine is I guess the thing [TS]

  that fascinates me about it yeah it [TS]

  looks like it's for kids you know [TS]

  younger kids were going to be excited by [TS]

  the fact that there's a mascot and are [TS]

  going to benefit from sort of at those [TS]

  this almost ritual of acting out like [TS]

  here's a bad thing that happened [TS]

  let's talk about what just happened [TS]

  here's what we need to do next and now [TS]

  you see us do it and so I sort of get it [TS]

  although again they don't just don't [TS]

  just act it out they tell you that [TS]

  they're going to act it out and why [TS]

  they're acting it out it's just it's [TS]

  it's strange because you know even a [TS]

  fifties educational film is not this [TS]

  no I actually make educational videos [TS]

  for autistic children as a part-time job [TS]

  and the way that those videos are [TS]

  scripted is we do little narration to [TS]

  talk about what the video is gonna be [TS]

  talking about we do what the the bad [TS]

  version of it like when somebody [TS]

  actually take somebody's ipad or just [TS]

  something like that and then what [TS]

  everyone's feeling and then the right [TS]

  version hey can I have your ipad sure [TS]

  and they're surprisingly effective this [TS]

  movie did none of that it beat around [TS]

  the bush so much that no they just do [TS]

  things without women they do explain [TS]

  them but it doesn't work i was about to [TS]

  say they do things without explaining [TS]

  but they do explain the man that somehow [TS]

  makes it worse how do you screw that up [TS]

  there he's not he's not a filmmaker and [TS]

  he's not an educator and he's not a [TS]

  writer so he's somebody who wants to be [TS]

  you know creator of the brand of cool [TS]

  cat and once and i think does want to [TS]

  help and and thinks this is a niche for [TS]

  him of of creating these educational [TS]

  films but he doesn't seem to be equipped [TS]

  to do any part [TS]

  of it and the beauty of this and why we [TS]

  we've been talking about it forever is [TS]

  that it is it is like from another [TS]

  universe it is unlike anything it's it [TS]

  mean it's like a home movie that is [TS]

  aspiring to be something greater and it [TS]

  is it is greater then what's there [TS]

  because it's so bizarre [TS]

  it's not his only niche of course he [TS]

  also wishes to write thrillers yes [TS]

  midnight stripper stripper the life and [TS]

  times of the mail chance we we can't get [TS]

  too into this obviously but i will [TS]

  encourage people to go to Derek savage [TS]

  calm and read the first chapter of the [TS]

  devil principal president in which the [TS]

  president pays for his own lamp hands [TS]

  seems very relaxed [TS]

  although very agree about millions of [TS]

  people burning to death in China [TS]

  well okay what have we learned about [TS]

  what we've learned many things about [TS]

  absolutely nothing we learned we haven't [TS]

  alright cool cat waste their lives there [TS]

  it is [TS]

  this is our representative going in the [TS]

  rocket surgery involved for the decade [TS]

  we live in a cool cat saves the kids he [TS]

  did save the kids that I one point at [TS]

  one time so they sent the one kid big [TS]

  kid ball but you know I think I think [TS]

  maybe dec savitch has it a problem with [TS]

  plurals because of you boneheads and [TS]

  also the other thing that lets you and [TS]

  you'll tell you so repeatedly alright [TS]

  that's it we're done with kool Kat says [TS]

  the kids on rocket surgery [TS]

  whoo that was something huh huh thank [TS]

  you to my panelists Monty Ashley you [TS]

  bonehead guess what Jason was a [TS]

  Hollywood parade Hollywood parade brian [TS]

  hamilton stop in the name of antique [TS]

  raphy merry christmas and happy holidays [TS]

  so Michaels honey child I loved being a [TS]

  bully and Steve let's you're a [TS]

  fine-looking kitty cat [TS]

  I like to think so Jason in the immortal [TS]

  words of Derek savage look [TS]

  the problem is over and everybody up [TS]

  there for listening thanks [TS]

  you're sticking to the end of this [TS]

  hopefully yeah nobody will come you will [TS]

  emerge emerge here at the end and [TS]

  stopped us before we get to the end so I [TS]

  say to you thank you for listening and [TS]

  we'll see you next time we go yeah there [TS]

  he is [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  [Music] [TS]