The Incomparable

240: Pooping Alien

 

  it's not brain science its rocket [TS]

  surgery [TS]

  this is the ice pirates higher the [TS]

  incontrovertible number 240 marriage [TS]

  2015 i am jason Snell we're back with [TS]

  another bad movie 1984 is the ice [TS]

  pirates let me introduce our panel David [TS]

  lure sign in letters from this news we [TS]

  get letters [TS]

  oh wait wrong very much so that is the [TS]

  wrong show and person and person of lots [TS]

  a whole Jason how be you are wait i'm [TS]

  supposed to be a nice pirate / are [TS]

  terrible met Monty Ashley hello I'm [TS]

  making a noise like an ice cube [TS]

  wow that is so good pretty good pretty [TS]

  good [TS]

  Andy taco sign-in I'd like to have a [TS]

  funny quip but to do so I would have I [TS]

  would need the ability to feel joy with [TS]

  exchange the movie tonight kinda burned [TS]

  out of me I'll be okay tomorrow but I [TS]

  just split I don't disappear but I'll be [TS]

  okay [TS]

  I i have to believe I'll be okay Joseph [TS]

  rosenstiel hello hello spring water [TS]

  I can smell it sorry that was my don't [TS]

  siracusa you again you know to movies [TS]

  into this series and i'm already [TS]

  questioning why why are you doing these [TS]

  episodes again the question it is a good [TS]

  question is asking very good question [TS]

  self-flagellation myself earlier and now [TS]

  i am asking i but i don't have an answer [TS]

  I for one am surprised that you do you [TS]

  went along with that happen [TS]

  I must be very persuasive in my let's [TS]

  watch terrible movies the ice pirates is [TS]

  a film from 1984 starring TVs Robert [TS]

  Urich and Moon TVs Mary Crosby and TVs [TS]

  Ron Perlman and team televised awards [TS]

  shows Bruce Vilanch was Ron Perlman on [TS]

  TV at this point i don't i don't know it [TS]

  is that this whole thing this whole [TS]

  thing is a very strange that the tone of [TS]

  it the way it's lit and shot it feels [TS]

  very TV even [TS]

  no I know it's a movie the credits feel [TS]

  like they're right out of murder she [TS]

  wrote exactly the baby still legally [TS]

  still frame grams under the greatest [TS]

  like I I you're just like rubbing my [TS]

  face that's a movie at this point that [TS]

  you basically see you basically shot [TS]

  this like an a-team and that was it [TS]

  you have a budget of this film was [TS]

  reportedly nine million dollars or even [TS]

  less than Star Wars years I can tell 7 [TS]

  million dollars that was spent on [TS]

  cocaine that's yeah that's yeah what was [TS]

  the street price back they had to pay [TS]

  for Robert Urich so you know Spencer [TS]

  fair no higher it's right there on the [TS]

  night before that was before Spencer and [TS]

  vegas had like a dollar sign in the [TS]

  title so that should have been a tip [TS]

  yeah i mean even see what your mind and [TS]

  you had manimals Michael D Roberts so [TS]

  use from animal he was for manually when [TS]

  I knew I liked that guy would be from [TS]

  animal maybe yeah yeah that was all [TS]

  ahead of him at this point so there's a [TS]

  there's a crawl like Star Wars this is [TS]

  the moment where there's nothing you're [TS]

  actually sort of like Star Wars there's [TS]

  a lot of moments in this movie where you [TS]

  can tell someone was thinking let's put [TS]

  this in [TS]

  it's sort of like Star Wars i agree that [TS]

  definitely happens that I have a moment [TS]

  later which will get to where I where I [TS]

  realized oh my god they're trying to be [TS]

  star wars here and it's it is not good [TS]

  but it starts to crawl we're told that [TS]

  in the galaxy of water is the only thing [TS]

  left of value i don't really understand [TS]

  how that could possibly and you know [TS]

  people are made mostly of water and you [TS]

  have to bring things or you die [TS]

  and yet we are told just suffice it to [TS]

  say water is the only thing that's [TS]

  because we've been squandering our [TS]

  hydrogen and oxygen [TS]

  this is the cautionary tale folks was [TS]

  supposedly the direct result of an [TS]

  interstellar war and I'm not entirely [TS]

  certain how interstellar war causes [TS]

  galactic drought the layers boil water [TS]

  and it evaporates and then it's gone [TS]

  forever and never to return [TS]

  I i kept thinking that the engines on [TS]

  their rocket ships probably produce so [TS]

  much water just from the camera assuming [TS]

  that chemical rockets like the byproduct [TS]

  of the reactions and their engines [TS]

  should just be producing tremendous [TS]

  massive water all the time to the entire [TS]

  course of the movie [TS]

  and they're not interested in it i just [TS]

  kept wondering how much water an entire [TS]

  galaxy needs [TS]

  yeah because I know about how much a [TS]

  planet needs their only six planets I'll [TS]

  ok stripes and I'm top 71 is God [TS]

  yeah there were 7 71 is gone now in the [TS]

  galaxy where the Pirates have a moon [TS]

  because there are only six planets right [TS]

  arm is the worst battlestar galactica [TS]

  I've ever seen [TS]

  I i see i thought you were going to say [TS]

  that's the worst episode of firefly [TS]

  because it's got a little bit of that [TS]

  little bit of that vibe to it so there [TS]

  are graced episode of red dwarf to there [TS]

  are gray robots they're ugly and they [TS]

  walk around now I think the robot design [TS]

  and this is actually kind of cool but I [TS]

  supposed to be battled I did you buy [TS]

  them for one second as fighters may be [TS]

  there this must be like hockey goalies [TS]

  will notice that they don't fight very [TS]

  well but but i think they look roboti [TS]

  they look like baby little body that [TS]

  will robot robot hardigree really look [TS]

  at that look like a person instead look [TS]

  like they'd be comfortable to lie down [TS]

  on top of lecture was like video games [TS]

  the price and soft and squishy I thought [TS]

  they were ok if you do if you squint a [TS]

  little bit so that you can see like the [TS]

  flex in the material I at least on their [TS]

  kind of creepy looking and and vaguely [TS]

  robot desk [TS]

  all right i'll give you a give me creepy [TS]

  looking although i think they should [TS]

  they should have gotten the guy who did [TS]

  the robot designed to make a second one [TS]

  was my opinion although they're the most [TS]

  of their for comic relief so i guess the [TS]

  fact that they are hilariously bad works [TS]

  towards their everything like they're [TS]

  not you're not supposed to take them [TS]

  seriously no one is supposed to be [TS]

  scared of the robots they're they're [TS]

  entirely there for comic relief which [TS]

  they may not be successful at but that's [TS]

  kind of how i can excuse how terrible [TS]

  there I i think the focus pulling is for [TS]

  comic relief i think the key gripping of [TS]

  this movie is for comic relief i don't [TS]

  think that they succeeded any of those [TS]

  III the problem with a grey robots is [TS]

  that their that they're all just kind of [TS]

  uniformly the one you know colors of the [TS]

  material they cast the robots in and so [TS]

  there's nothing really interesting [TS]

  except for the black one Jason thanks [TS]

  for the black for the perfect it's [TS]

  perfect [TS]

  they're they're interesting in the sense [TS]

  that they are these kind of chunky [TS]

  blocky robots but you know they're not [TS]

  they're not shiny like Star Wars droids [TS]

  there was it is a star wars thing where [TS]

  everything is kind of junkie and falling [TS]

  card like they're going tonight sort of [TS]

  gritty dirty space angle where it's like [TS]

  the robots aren't you know instead of [TS]

  robots being these cleaning machines [TS]

  that you know like that the typical like [TS]

  sort of fifties and sixties cyber what [TS]

  these are the post Star Wars robots were [TS]

  there kind of hunk of junk in there that [TS]

  need to be repaired and they're breaking [TS]

  all the time you know I don't think [TS]

  everything falling apart was on purpose [TS]

  lo ok yeah they said there's student [TS]

  there's two ways to do the junkie future [TS]

  one is you spend a lot of money to build [TS]

  some things and make them look really [TS]

  bad and the other is just released until [TS]

  John don't you there's a junk out there [TS]

  and see anybody noticed that underscores [TS]

  like when the first notes i have on this [TS]

  movie which is that this is like all [TS]

  rental movie was like don't break that [TS]

  gun it's rented don't know put your face [TS]

  in that part of the set [TS]

  it's rented everything is like even the [TS]

  music is just like catalog music from [TS]

  Simon that Simon catalog but my clothes [TS]

  the peak carpenter catalog i think where [TS]

  the music comes from keep in mind i made [TS]

  this note about the robot design being [TS]

  kind of cool in the very opening segment [TS]

  where everything is dark and you can't [TS]

  actually see them very well [TS]

  was this before or after the poop joke [TS]

  because throughout the trial of the [TS]

  families fresh off the credits we get a [TS]

  pooping alien may be your last [TS]

  yeah that's like that you know what this [TS]

  movie is about yeah it's really ok so [TS]

  that that's a bathroom that's got [TS]

  multiple styles but there are no doors [TS]

  on the stalls what kind of crazy alien [TS]

  universe is this i mean i know there can [TS]

  be a dork is we need to be able to see [TS]

  him because that's the joke but i mean [TS]

  i'd say it's the law firm from ally [TS]

  mcbeal exactly that that's the way a [TS]

  lien is like adjacent racist also does [TS]

  that door out of the bathroom lead to a [TS]

  landing Bay or something because they [TS]

  come straight from the ship into the [TS]

  bathroom [TS]

  well that's the first place you want to [TS]

  stop yeah you've just gotten off your [TS]

  ship you want to you know instead of [TS]

  flushing do you just open the airlock [TS]

  and let everything sort of fly ash is [TS]

  having their way through the holder you [TS]

  put the bathroom up against the bulkhead [TS]

  because nobody you know wants to see out [TS]

  there but there's a convenient door [TS]

  right there [TS]

  oh sure ok but but but point out that [TS]

  have you ever seen a bathroom look at in [TS]

  your house right now the bathrooms are [TS]

  all on exterior parts of the house where [TS]

  their windows to the outside true how [TS]

  many old and they acknowledge this [TS]

  about to have a bathroom did you see any [TS]

  bathrooms and Star Wars where all those [TS]

  people poop nobody else that's true when [TS]

  we know where these guys poop right away [TS]

  yeah you need a banker job I don't think [TS]

  it's not really a poop joke they have [TS]

  this whole setup nights like the first [TS]

  thing that they dedicate time to is the [TS]

  gag where they all walked pass until the [TS]

  guy behind you take care of it like [TS]

  that's that's their big opening gambit [TS]

  for humor i do like that the alien is [TS]

  reading a space magazine though [TS]

  yeah it's I tried to get a good freeze [TS]

  frame on it to see what it was and as [TS]

  far as I could tell us something like [TS]

  Star stunners so and he's up to no good [TS]

  and yeah he's looking at a girlie mag my [TS]

  theory is that this is the one mass is [TS]

  the one mascara that they had actually [TS]

  custom-made force the one mass they paid [TS]

  the most for because you see that same [TS]

  mask like an eight other seen that guy [TS]

  keeps on coming back but this is the [TS]

  only alien that we get a lower body for [TS]

  I don't think we ever see anything below [TS]

  the head is so we can't we can't go off [TS]

  the pooping alien just yet i wanted to [TS]

  Steve's got 20 minutes on this might my [TS]

  severe disappointment that they chose to [TS]

  pipe in normal human sounding fart [TS]

  noises rather than coming up with some [TS]

  interesting comments or fart noises have [TS]

  valid with humans fart noises it's like [TS]

  the the enterprise in space how are you [TS]

  going to know what it is if it doesn't [TS]

  sound like it you could guess he's in [TS]

  the bathroom do we have that you doing [TS]

  for Obama alien looks embarrassed wages [TS]

  hand in front of his face as excuse me I [TS]

  was intended to set of public domain [TS]

  special-effects sounds have an alien [TS]

  fart noise then you might have heard it [TS]

  you had nine million dollars guys put a [TS]

  little money doesn't play some Daft Punk [TS]

  it'll be fine that's robot carding they [TS]

  put all that money toward the special [TS]

  effects like that shot where there's a [TS]

  spaceship surrounded by light gray box [TS]

  that moves in a spaceship designs are [TS]

  like the least least imaginative space [TS]

  shit like they're I don't understand [TS]

  that make sure have copied star wars and [TS]

  battlestar galactica way more with these [TS]

  spaceships was afraid of sort of looks [TS]

  like a doc droid turn on its side i have [TS]

  a note that says the spaceship flies [TS]

  away from me series of grey boxes that [TS]

  that's just like many of these ships are [TS]

  literally just like rail cars just want [TS]

  to say something nice about this movie [TS]

  though after the pooping seen I [TS]

  the movies starting like you just said [TS]

  something nice about this mound you know [TS]

  they after the potency know my feeling [TS]

  when I'm watching because I've seen this [TS]

  movie a million times but all when I was [TS]

  a kid and I'm watching it again and the [TS]

  feeling of having now has nothing to do [TS]

  with the feelings I've ever had as a kid [TS]

  i'm seeing a young ron perlman and young [TS]

  anjelica huston and thinking look they [TS]

  were young and beautiful once and it [TS]

  gave me a warm fuzzy feeling it's not [TS]

  that I didn't even feel bad for them [TS]

  being this movie I like that's anjelica [TS]

  huston and you know whatever they [TS]

  probably like after 10 years old [TS]

  yeah it's weird seeing my province or [TS]

  little guy has seen everyone is handsome [TS]

  and young and non wrinkled and get Joey [TS]

  except john carroll gets better [TS]

  oh god will get there but do we even [TS]

  know even weirder is the fact that in [TS]

  this dump of a movie they all put in [TS]

  good performances what I do that's my [TS]

  ultimate every are young and beautiful [TS]

  let's just leave it at that [TS]

  they're giving awful things to say and [TS]

  do but at the same time they they put [TS]

  themselves into these roles as bad as [TS]

  these roles and Spencer tries to be [TS]

  charismatic and like a meanness i like i [TS]

  like Robert urokinase I thought he was I [TS]

  thought he was fine I I said right off [TS]

  the bat i love Robert Urich i miss [TS]

  Robert Urich I watched him in all kinds [TS]

  of crappy shows and like until Spencer [TS]

  everything got cancelled [TS]

  he really gives his all he's just fun [TS]

  he is that the off brand TV Han Solo in [TS]

  this right here is like three levels [TS]

  below hands like God is all indiana [TS]

  jones to more people and then him and [TS]

  him yeah he definitely definitely did a [TS]

  lot of up with proper body work for for [TS]

  later on safety knew this gonna be a lot [TS]

  of open shirt work here so I i did i did [TS]

  i don't think that he was embarrassed [TS]

  himself in his performance i do think [TS]

  this was a very much [TS]

  ok I've signed to do this I was [TS]

  optimistic when I read the script [TS]

  clearly this is not going to be a movie [TS]

  that does anything for me but I'm going [TS]

  to try to get out of this was something [TS]

  you dignity if not a whole lot of effort [TS]

  but i have but i agree that a joke i [TS]

  didn't let that is that was one of my [TS]

  notes to Angelica Huston is actually [TS]

  pretty good in this she's an interesting [TS]

  character in this probably because the [TS]

  movie was very very kind did not give [TS]

  her a whole lot to do and she's wearing [TS]

  man [TS]

  max outfit certain and regular well i'm [TS]

  not convinced that giving your all is [TS]

  necessarily a good thing I would point [TS]

  to Bruce Vilanch who gives quite a lot [TS]

  you get slandered effort is evil inches [TS]

  his way through this very nicely [TS]

  yeah he finds himself in this movie [TS]

  basically crystallized doesn't have a [TS]

  lot to give so giving his all is frankly [TS]

  not that impressive actual Bruce Vilanch [TS]

  is not surrounded by ladies quite as [TS]

  often as this movie would suggest people [TS]

  i will say that i saw as i saw his name [TS]

  in the opening credits of my eyes were [TS]

  open for right I i had he doesn't appear [TS]

  too late movie I thought okay is he in [TS]

  drag as that frog lady because I can [TS]

  totally see some casting Bruce Vilanch [TS]

  as the frog lady sitting on Robert [TS]

  Europe you know Bruce Vilanch when you [TS]

  see him he's jumpy jumps right out at [TS]

  you you feel like you can smell it when [TS]

  you see them on screen here so that we [TS]

  have those wonderful mad Joe do you want [TS]

  to say anything about the wonderful it's [TS]

  wonderful it's about about those those [TS]

  gray boxes surrounding those ships now [TS]

  it's just that it's 1984 and this is [TS]

  abysmal and even the mid-eighties and as [TS]

  I'm terrible [TS]

  that was my thought was was you know [TS]

  Ghostbusters was this year [TS]

  back to the future is a year away those [TS]

  are movies with pristine special effects [TS]

  but I felt like they were trying and [TS]

  this does not feel like they're really [TS]

  trying again battlestar galactica was [TS]

  really good at reusing effects from [TS]

  other things even to get something [TS]

  well crawl was a lie by the co-writer of [TS]

  this film came out a year earlier and I [TS]

  don't remember it feeling this cheesy [TS]

  and it's also a bad movie but I i [TS]

  remember they're actually being good [TS]

  background you're remembering courtly [TS]

  must be that's what i did see when I was [TS]

  a kid this one I just thought that's [TS]

  what this movie is about the space stuff [TS]

  is so like it to its credit can be they [TS]

  don't have the money for it to be right [TS]

  it's about running around on soundstages [TS]

  yeah i would like a little tiny bit [TS]

  Jason doing they had nine million [TS]

  dollars 109 million dollars of cocaine [TS]

  was very expensive and i think not only [TS]

  the cocaine but think about how much [TS]

  money they had to pay the Golden Globes [TS]

  people for the for that award season [TS]

  this was the early eighties jama to sac [TS]

  commands a premium to he does i think [TS]

  this movie is only half star wars rip [TS]

  off the other half is [TS]

  pirate movie rentals oh sure right out [TS]

  good friend Max ripoff and an admission [TS]

  he wishes it was time bandits obviously [TS]

  that's not and then also there's a alien [TS]

  later on we'll just see a movie and says [TS]

  we have to do alien do something like [TS]

  that except not as good [TS]

  did you get the feeling this is a story [TS]

  that really went through like studio [TS]

  executive process where at some point [TS]

  that some point there might have been an [TS]

  interesting sort of science fiction [TS]

  story that was originally written and [TS]

  there's no star wars is hot cool can you [TS]

  make it more star wars ii and then and [TS]

  then there was there was in the early [TS]

  eighties there was like a big because of [TS]

  the the kevin kline Linda Ronstadt [TS]

  version of pirates of penzance that [TS]

  central park that became a row of good [TS]

  movie it was actually like a vote for [TS]

  pirate movie so then the studio [TS]

  executives after you know leading up [TS]

  from his mirrored coffee table tops as a [TS]

  pirate stuff making a pirate space the [TS]

  movie [TS]

  no i don't i don't think so now this [TS]

  reads to me more like a bunch of comedy [TS]

  writers had some good ideas for [TS]

  space-related gags and I said can we got [TS]

  like five good gags make a movie to tie [TS]

  those five gags together and that's what [TS]

  it's really like more or less like a [TS]

  science fiction movie that was sort of [TS]

  like water down your perverted and more [TS]

  like a bunch of comedy writers had some [TS]

  ideas and they managed to get them into [TS]

  a movie [TS]

  yeah I cut it lurches from what it [TS]

  thinks is a set-piece to what it what it [TS]

  thinks is a set piece and occasionally [TS]

  you get a scene that's ripped directly [TS]

  out of history of the world part one but [TS]

  then you get back to sort of the star [TS]

  wars be seen and then sort of a pirate [TS]

  the scene and then it does have a [TS]

  certain charm like I mean if you give [TS]

  example in having any of the movie when [TS]

  he sees the what's-her-name inside the [TS]

  little tube sleeping or whatever and he [TS]

  walks up to it and he opens it up and he [TS]

  blows off the smoke and then he leans [TS]

  down her and the first thing does it [TS]

  takes his finger and tries to peek down [TS]

  her shirt that that is that's a good [TS]

  comedy space movie movies you didn't [TS]

  expect it integrates well it's gonna be [TS]

  all series is going to look at our maybe [TS]

  mr. like nothing goes right for the [TS]

  shirt and then they make jokes about [TS]

  raping people [TS]

  yeah I really turned me off with this [TS]

  but this thing really confused because I [TS]

  i think i think i might have seen it as [TS]

  a kid in the theatres or i might be just [TS]

  remembering the trailer when I was a kid [TS]

  I remember this as being supposedly a [TS]

  comedy movie and there were like 5-10 [TS]

  minutes were nothing comedic [TS]

  1990-91 a joke that doesn't land i'm [TS]

  saying that here's a five or ten minutes [TS]

  structure there isn't a joke there is a [TS]

  funny situation there's any tension [TS]

  there just tried there's being a really [TS]

  bad like drama and I didn't have enough [TS]

  jokes to fit and I I expected this to be [TS]

  a movie that was like something like [TS]

  spaceballs like trying way too hard to [TS]

  stuff as many jokes in as possible and [TS]

  it was not that it was it was a light [TS]

  touch and there are some funny moments [TS]

  and there are a couple moments where I [TS]

  laughed out loud but it's it is i mean [TS]

  it is mostly like a light pirate movie [TS]

  that happens to be said in space and has [TS]

  some jokes which is it's weird it's not [TS]

  at all what I expected [TS]

  I gotta say this this was not was not by [TS]

  any stretch of the imagination a good [TS]

  movie but I was thoroughly entertained [TS]

  by this film and that's more than I can [TS]

  say for some of the films that we [TS]

  watched for this podcast and I feel [TS]

  exactly the opposite [TS]

  are we still in the opening credits yeah [TS]

  that's so the crawl [TS]

  we're past the poop okay Gillian we got [TS]

  pirates we got people in chainmail armor [TS]

  which I had totally forgotten that [TS]

  people have swords in this movie again [TS]

  they met they just rented whatever they [TS]

  cooked laser guns and metal story i know [TS]

  it's just right out of right essentially [TS]

  you know the Templars are medieval [TS]

  knights and in fact there are lasers [TS]

  that are occasionally used lasers [TS]

  I think lasers maybe shot with something [TS]

  that involves water because there's [TS]

  obviously a shortage of lasers because [TS]

  most people just have swords and that [TS]

  throughout the movie I'm like if you're [TS]

  firing off lasers why do you have these [TS]

  given give the robots user give the [TS]

  robots guns instead of storage yes but [TS]

  like the whole idea is that it's pirates [TS]

  and and that whole premise is so [TS]

  ridiculous and again it's like it so [TS]

  much cheaper to just go into the props [TS]

  chop and say you've got chain mail from [TS]

  like the robin hood movie is great we're [TS]

  done done put those I put those other [TS]

  guys given breathtaking looking swords [TS]

  done don't worry about it [TS]

  the maid outfit is right out of like [TS]

  open that you know maid outfit from it's [TS]

  an english movie that's it [TS]

  no not modified in anyway just use it as [TS]

  is i measure producer yelling at someone [TS]

  saying star wars had swords we can have [TS]

  swords and we make them laser II and [TS]

  glowing no money for now we ran out of [TS]

  high [TS]

  I know we're a little sore we're gonna [TS]

  use these so it's okay [TS]

  the robots have swords you have a gun [TS]

  yeah the robots the rover festival [TS]

  rather tape recorder [TS]

  I'm so excited to tell you about our new [TS]

  sponsor for the uncomfortable i use it i [TS]

  love it its slack slack is a messaging [TS]

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  when I left macworld I left an office [TS]

  environment behind my human interaction [TS]

  slowed to a crawl pretty much children [TS]

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  adult but you know what I'm not cut off [TS]

  from the world because i'm on slack on [TS]

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  everything is searchable it's available [TS]

  on any device I've got on my iphone my [TS]

  ipad I've got on my Mac I use it all the [TS]

  time throughout the day instead of [TS]

  having disparate communications where [TS]

  there's stuff an email and I am and [TS]

  skype and all these different places [TS]

  everything is happening in slack it's [TS]

  easy to search its integrated with all [TS]

  the tools and services you're already [TS]

  using in your organization Google Drive [TS]

  Google Hangouts dropbox Trello github [TS]

  stripe jira mailchimp they're all [TS]

  integrated we even have an animated gifs [TS]

  or is a gift I'll let you decide tool [TS]

  that we use all the time just to [TS]

  entertain ourselves it's amazing more [TS]

  than half a million people and more than [TS]

  60,000 different teams are using slack [TS]

  every day including not just relay and [TS]

  not just the incomparable but Airbnb New [TS]

  York Times ebay yelp adobe even the [TS]

  icecube neutrino observatory at the [TS]

  South Pole slacks mission is to make [TS]

  people's working life simpler more [TS]

  pleasant more productive i can tell you [TS]

  it has worked for me I think it can work [TS]

  for you [TS]

  so here's what you need to do visit [TS]

  slack calm / Snell to create a new team [TS]

  you'll get a hundred dollars in credit [TS]

  you can use when you decide to upgrade [TS]

  to a paid plan but before upgrading you [TS]

  can use slack slight plan with an [TS]

  unlimited number of users as long as you [TS]

  like for free so there is no reason not [TS]

  to give it a spin with your team and you [TS]

  will be impressed [TS]

  so once you're impressed you get a [TS]

  hundred dollars in credit to upgrade [TS]

  visit slack calm / [TS]

  now for that I think you owe it to you [TS]

  and your team all your colleagues to [TS]

  check out slack and thank you too slack [TS]

  for becoming a sponsor of the [TS]

  uncomfortable i love it and i am glad [TS]

  not only that there are sponsored but [TS]

  they are in my life now it makes this [TS]

  isolated person in their garage feel [TS]

  connected to the world and to the rest [TS]

  of my team all over the world so the [TS]

  credits I as I said feel very Murder She [TS]

  Wrote we talk about the space toilet [TS]

  that there is a sensors of a robot by [TS]

  going up onto the ceiling because robots [TS]

  don't look up [TS]

  come on but this one uh-huh the guards [TS]

  are wearing chain mail just like that [TS]

  when a radioshack though so probably [TS]

  doesn't know this one's head its head [TS]

  does not tilt upwards so it's better and [TS]

  guards are wearing chain mail because [TS]

  they're the Templars and they're like [TS]

  knights and looked right at it right out [TS]

  of the Holy Grail yeah yeah yeahs either [TS]

  yeah exactly right there's a lady a tube [TS]

  what do you do when you see a lady in a [TS]

  to be open the tube peeked under dress [TS]

  basic that's possible smoking for some [TS]

  reason that she is never explained as i [TS]

  was actually concerned for the actress [TS]

  because i thought this is not the sort [TS]

  of budget movie that actually fakes [TS]

  how can we do this safely for the actors [TS]

  and she'll be fine I'll be fine dear sir [TS]

  it was actually it's just cigarette [TS]

  smoking but if you start to choke just [TS]

  wait for something that will get you out [TS]

  yeah so the sword fights gray robots [TS]

  fight other gray robot swinging swinging [TS]

  on a rope i rolled my iron movie [TS]

  you gotta send a rope swinging on a rope [TS]

  is star wars and I kind of an electrical [TS]

  cable and swing it instead of shooting [TS]

  is this command like oh don't don't [TS]

  bother with that doesn't get down there [TS]

  and it's just like that [TS]

  sure swinging on a rope covers both star [TS]

  wars and pirate movies so it's a 24 yeah [TS]

  well that's the swashbuckling you know [TS]

  tradition that's what they're both gone [TS]

  for all this movie commits to a little [TS]

  more and you know the whole the gag with [TS]

  he gets his toe cut off he got the [TS]

  Schwarzenegger line I guess I got you [TS]

  pegged where the Gulf held on something [TS]

  you know everything [TS]

  yeah I just stole these boots I love [TS]

  that the alarm that's that he that the [TS]

  guard is reaching for is literally just [TS]

  this box that they put on top of the [TS]

  desk like it's not even like 300 [TS]

  anything [TS]

  yeah probably doesn't mean i don't think [TS]

  they made any props for this [TS]

  okay i think makes concession positively [TS]

  waiting said it's all rented that Mellie [TS]

  that but I I had it I had to do some [TS]

  editing some googling to remember that [TS]

  all you have that the those like blue [TS]

  plastic comb things that are like the [TS]

  computer terminals i remember those [TS]

  electronic games right was like trying [TS]

  to concentration game they make it not a [TS]

  nice joke later where the weapons [TS]

  terminal on the pirate ship is literally [TS]

  an arcade video game and that you kids [TS]

  like video games [TS]

  yeah oh that's so bad it's so bad i [TS]

  don't know why you said that was a nice [TS]

  joke [TS]

  well so here's what I'm saying is they [TS]

  they try to make the joke but I sell [TS]

  cell phones attract new let me show you [TS]

  the invaders so we'll say that and then [TS]

  we'll we'll have it put up you know [TS]

  conflict contest over at the end of it [TS]

  yeah you know that the bar for jokes in [TS]

  1984 was set a little lower than any [TS]

  sophisticated times yes you could just [TS]

  say her p and call it a joke and people [TS]

  would accept that [TS]

  ya can't do that anymore well what [TS]

  happened this time around [TS]

  how about a non-permanent pointing into [TS]

  the room saying I think we should go [TS]

  here and then his hand gets cut off that [TS]

  i would say something that a movie like [TS]

  this probably wouldn't do like is there [TS]

  again with the eighties vibe where [TS]

  they're willing to do like a little bit [TS]

  of silly gore and I I thought that joke [TS]

  kind of work he also tells you what kind [TS]

  of movie it is it's like I want to go [TS]

  down here against his hand cut off and [TS]

  it's kinda like a cartoon where it's [TS]

  like it's not a big deal that is Hank I [TS]

  cut off to put it back on later but it [TS]

  surprises you and I remember thinking [TS]

  that hand getting cut off was edgy when [TS]

  I was a kid it's like this is you know [TS]

  buck rogers wouldn't do that when we [TS]

  don't want the stakes are and then and [TS]

  then the callback hate grab my hand save [TS]

  my hand [TS]

  yeah exactly stick along now see if they [TS]

  really been on they would have put it [TS]

  through and pull my finger into that [TS]

  somewhere but and it looks too fake is [TS]

  looking reputation we can be seen in [TS]

  your entire life [TS]

  it's like you know Spencer Gifts type of [TS]

  thing by the time episode 3 came around [TS]

  yet to chop off like 10 hands to really [TS]

  get anybody to notice that's right but [TS]

  isn't played for laughs it's not like [TS]

  we're not supposed to think it's serious [TS]

  it is it is you know it is a joke that [TS]

  his hand gets gonna quote yes it's very [TS]

  Three Stooges and culture hello can do [TS]

  ok so they think this is about where we [TS]

  see that there are lasers and it's this [TS]

  is not just a sword only spaceship [TS]

  universe the princess says to put me [TS]

  down [TS]

  because he's gone back right driver York [TS]

  has gone back into and got a princess [TS]

  and stolen her out of her too because he [TS]

  actually wants to steal the princess [TS]

  away and look down her dress later but [TS]

  that actually happens after the bridge [TS]

  scene okay where we get the my notes [TS]

  really radical yeah you can take [TS]

  meticulous notes like i did with the the [TS]

  yeah it's like for some reason there's a [TS]

  a box of like a slot for Kleenex [TS]

  underneath the the monitor where he's [TS]

  watching some sort of a sports game when [TS]

  they walk in there and take control of [TS]

  the bridge I was gonna work is a is a [TS]

  unit as well so the kleenex is even more [TS]

  it hard to understand and then there's [TS]

  the chicken drumstick or whatever from [TS]

  the bottom the automat that all it's all [TS]

  good stuff so i just wanna make sure we [TS]

  didn't we didn't go to that we can go [TS]

  back to her being a bit yes you you you [TS]

  love the african-american guy ordering a [TS]

  a piece of space fried chicken from the [TS]

  servo you know he's hairless to the most [TS]

  racist bring in this movie so although [TS]

  he does then say you want a lizards leg [TS]

  or something similar so you know it's [TS]

  not really as not it's not a chicken [TS]

  like it was like it always speaking of [TS]

  the leads here for a second i just want [TS]

  to like one of my notes is that a lot of [TS]

  the people say the lead characters names [TS]

  repeatedly especially the princess and [TS]

  immediately occurred to me to Jason no [TS]

  offense Jason yeah i'm not a great name [TS]

  for a space hero [TS]

  Jason Jason my wife said does it bother [TS]

  you when your name is used in movies and [TS]

  I said no not really only movie section [TS]

  is what should bother you here Jason is [TS]

  not a good name for a space named Jason [TS]

  who were born in the seventies are [TS]

  pretty much don't even hear their own [TS]

  name because they get so common you were [TS]

  they were talking about yeah I was gonna [TS]

  say the Argonauts and Jason of space [TS]

  cops no star can you don't you kill you [TS]

  kill teenager's at a camp with hockey [TS]

  friday the 13th right indeed and also [TS]

  the ice pirates but nobody Isis does not [TS]

  work you know I agree it is not a macho [TS]

  roguish kind of no in fact I think [TS]

  that's part of one of their wacky jokes [TS]

  wonder whether his name is Jade humor [TS]

  yeah is that easy doesn't have that [TS]

  super like movie hero named he's doing [TS]

  so they gave him the stubble of course [TS]

  they did well it's Robert Urich for [TS]

  God's sake what are you gonna do you [TS]

  catch the shape bandit already shot [TS]

  double curls and a ponytail [TS]

  come on they they go back to their ship [TS]

  in there and and fly away except that [TS]

  from the series of of ships that looked [TS]

  like boxes and this is this is the point [TS]

  where suddenly the other ship powers up [TS]

  and maybe they play i'm not really clear [TS]

  on the geography because it makes no [TS]

  sense but they play it basically a game [TS]

  of chicken with the other ship and and [TS]

  use an arcade console to fire at them [TS]

  via a game of space invaders essentially [TS]

  but contest over there boarded this is [TS]

  where i pointed out the Ghostbusters and [TS]

  Back to the Future made more of [TS]

  special-effects effort than this movie [TS]

  did their board and thrown in jail i [TS]

  didn't mention earlier by the way that [TS]

  anjelica huston while the men on the [TS]

  crew are dressed perfectly well she's [TS]

  wearing almost nothing and then some [TS]

  armor that's like made out of chicken [TS]

  wire and second max right out of Mad Max [TS]

  can worry epilepsia it's a bit it's [TS]

  there to protect you so it's fine [TS]

  so therefore they're thrown in jail with [TS]

  the oakland raiders defensive end jamba [TS]

  to Zach as why not [TS]

  sloth love Trog yeah where we rule [TS]

  they're told that they're going to be [TS]

  lobotomized and castrated I have some [TS]

  opinions on the castration seen yes so [TS]

  we have an opening statement we also [TS]

  learned that we also learned the opening [TS]

  closing opening and closing because the [TS]

  numbers are the princess's you should [TS]

  have been on this writing staff just [TS]

  what was lost missing for the seventh [TS]

  world that's a legend [TS]

  I wonder what that seventh world could [TS]

  be [TS]

  battlestar galactica has not told us [TS]

  anything I got a million other side by [TS]

  moment so they're put a conveyor belt [TS]

  you see because this is how you don't [TS]

  you mr. monk joke that whole scene they [TS]

  spent so long in a freaking cage to set [TS]

  up for the one monk yeah but you know [TS]

  the guy walks out with the hood on and I [TS]

  mean yeah when I was intended to be and [TS]

  i found that hilarious [TS]

  I'm me I just let it pass by but it was [TS]

  there john matuszak is pretending to be [TS]

  a monk because they don't want to [TS]

  castrate the monks because of God right [TS]

  yep wacky sure well so it's kind of [TS]

  ironic because if you're taking holy [TS]

  orders you don't have a whole letter no [TS]

  need for that anyway it's that surplus [TS]

  exactly in theory if any if anything [TS]

  you're helping the monk out by removing [TS]

  temptation from him so everyone that [TS]

  we're going down the conveyor belt here [TS]

  i'm pretty sure that's the same bottling [TS]

  factory from the burning surely expense [TS]

  and it's the shots Prairie yeah and [TS]

  second of all the yeah I like that the [TS]

  line workers are discussing things like [TS]

  the people on the conveyor belt are [TS]

  human their gag works with their weed [TS]

  trimmers wherever they went they went to [TS]

  home depot at home do exist they went to [TS]

  want ace hardware but his shots robbery [TS]

  as the as the bottling line looks and it [TS]

  does i made it very clear is from [TS]

  another movie or or you know just in [TS]

  case maybe somewhere yeah i thought this [TS]

  scene was actually a little bit creepy [TS]

  because the factory workers just going [TS]

  about their business and their shaving [TS]

  and they're injecting and they're [TS]

  looking kinda bored the whole time I [TS]

  thought it was pretty good I thought [TS]

  they were trying to be creepy but for me [TS]

  the least realistic thing in the movie [TS]

  this is a movie where nothing makes any [TS]

  sense [TS]

  yes is the idea of straight razor shaves [TS]

  be divided people who are undergoing [TS]

  their past you on a bumpy conveyor with [TS]

  super shaky hands one part of the [TS]

  jewelry the shaky hands exactly is not [TS]

  supposed to be scary this is supposed to [TS]

  be funny the whole time is played [TS]

  probably totally flooded by not having a [TS]

  shaky hand guy be the one who shaves his [TS]

  crotch to yeah because they have to do [TS]

  the day they have to do a homophobe [TS]

  right there's the gauges where a gay [TS]

  hairdresser guy who's gonna shave his [TS]

  business private parts so i was like oh [TS]

  dear efficient an argument after [TS]

  argument in the writing room about that [TS]

  that's that's definitely looking up [TS]

  really the whole assembly line that [TS]

  could have benefited with a whole lot [TS]

  more automation and the fact that using [TS]

  such that made me think that these [TS]

  workers must have a really great Union [TS]

  and that please me greatly because [TS]

  there's so much to about this dystopia I [TS]

  like the opposition has with the with [TS]

  the two girls on the assembly line where [TS]

  he's like oh can I see you later or [TS]

  whatever is it like a well you won't be [TS]

  much use to us after you go through the [TS]

  chopper and I was like you know there's [TS]

  the Laverne and Shirley of that [TS]

  essentially every once in a while I goes [TS]

  by and i'll put a rubber glove on him [TS]

  I know and they wave and wave goodbye [TS]

  exactly thats the gang they should have [TS]

  done put the glove right over his crotch [TS]

  and have you know we all should have [TS]

  been on his writing staff [TS]

  hey let's say this about the chompers [TS]

  somebody built that chopper for this [TS]

  movie was one of the few things actually [TS]

  built for this movie on his sizzle reel [TS]

  I think house of the future approach [TS]

  would have made this more fun for me [TS]

  you'd lose the liberated surely but you [TS]

  could have all sorts of cool clockwork [TS]

  effects and automatic extending hands [TS]

  and what they've always where ya get [TS]

  more fun and the chopper [TS]

  I I again I would say first off [TS]

  castration doesn't necessarily actually [TS]

  mean the chopping off of i find this and [TS]

  find the sense of humor in this movie [TS]

  very strange day it is broad there's a [TS]

  Chomper it looks like like like teeth [TS]

  it's gonna bite off your private parts [TS]

  it's like cartoon it is that it's like a [TS]

  card it's like a Warner Brothers same [TS]

  same thing with the hand getting cut off [TS]

  like your is an anvil is a big hammer [TS]

  and Chomper like it's that's the levels [TS]

  and ran smoothly like his testicles are [TS]

  moving towards like a giant like painted [TS]

  hole in this in the cliff wall is gonna [TS]

  smash against and so going through it [TS]

  that's a very good observation by the [TS]

  way if they cut if they cut off some or [TS]

  all of your of the male genitals your [TS]

  voice doesn't just like go up that is [TS]

  also from a cartoon it doesn't 80s now [TS]

  exactly everything in this is in them is [TS]

  in the magical reality of these movies [TS]

  well established that like it all these [TS]

  things are like if you're watching this [TS]

  as a kid in the eighties like well of [TS]

  course that word is that every other [TS]

  piece of media I've seen anyone gets [TS]

  kicked in the nuts to get their heads [TS]

  chopped off their voice immediately goes [TS]

  like that everyone knows that's true so [TS]

  like that's not even you know so our [TS]

  characters are saved from the chopper [TS]

  bye-bye [TS]

  the princess although not before they go [TS]

  through the horrifying moment of [TS]

  thinking they're about to be chopped [TS]

  because that's good laughs she she has a [TS]

  sense of humor [TS]

  yeah she does she does Mary what Mary [TS]

  Crosby that there then taken to the [TS]

  slave market where they are auctioned [TS]

  off i actually laughed at a few things [TS]

  in this scene that's because this is the [TS]

  scene that cigs right out of history of [TS]

  the world war one [TS]

  yeah I I enjoy that they have the white [TS]

  wigs and fake white eyebrows and the [TS]

  fake white facial hair [TS]

  I thought I find that amusing and [TS]

  bizarre thirteen-year-old win [TS]

  hey its TVs Frank nice and i laughed out [TS]

  loud at the joke which was I like the [TS]

  black one he'll go well with the new [TS]

  wallpaper [TS]

  I thought that was a really fun we have [TS]

  the n-word in the scene as well now then [TS]

  just come to later our plans later yeah [TS]

  Elton John letters that i'm not [TS]

  convinced that joke is racist [TS]

  no no it's not yes it's like it's like [TS]

  knowing right dancing it's a very [TS]

  knowing that's why i laughed at night do [TS]

  you think that she's going for the [TS]

  record for matching matching sort of [TS]

  effect or contrasting sort of effect i [TS]

  think match I think she's got some like [TS]

  dark mahogany furniture and i think [TS]

  that's it now so real geniuses from 1985 [TS]

  and I mentioned that only because it has [TS]

  this strange thing where it keeps [TS]

  mentioning penises all the time and and [TS]

  and it was this the mid-eighties because [TS]

  here I'm like there are a lot of really [TS]

  weird uncomfortable penis related jokes [TS]

  in this movie [TS]

  why i don't know why i guess it was just [TS]

  big penis jokes were big in the [TS]

  mid-eighties they're hilarious because [TS]

  they're hilarious Thank You Monty thank [TS]

  you don't forget dance sequences which [TS]

  they managed to work into this movie too [TS]

  because it is the eighties is crazy [TS]

  eighties masquerade dance partner seems [TS]

  an odd way to memorize to memorialize [TS]

  dead royalty to me but that's that's [TS]

  space space that's right so as Venice [TS]

  shortly after this we get some we get [TS]

  some back-and-forth dialogue between [TS]

  Robert Urich and Mary Crosby and this is [TS]

  the moment where I went oh my god this [TS]

  is supposed to be Han Solo and Princess [TS]

  Leia having snappy dialogue that's what [TS]

  they're trying to do here it doesn't get [TS]

  it no [TS]

  a very far from that everything that [TS]

  what they're really hoping for is the [TS]

  same kind of dialogue you'd see me [TS]

  between Spencer and the woman in the [TS]

  particular episode of white level [TS]

  flirting the acknowledgement that he's [TS]

  the macho guy but maybe she has the [TS]

  upper hand briefly but he's the ruins [TS]

  space captain and she's the princess and [TS]

  they're having this rope you know [TS]

  romantic tension back-and-forth I'm like [TS]

  oh this is what they think they're doing [TS]

  all this state but it's TV little like [TS]

  it'sit's like in a TV episode you don't [TS]

  expect it to be this sparkling really [TS]

  it's not the difference the difference [TS]

  between having a male and a female lead [TS]

  of a long-running series or having a [TS]

  male lead who meets a different email [TS]

  every episode and has one scene with a [TS]

  flourishing very cock Crosby as a guest [TS]

  star in yeah exactly you like she will [TS]

  not be on the next episode will be as if [TS]

  she didn't exist [TS]

  is there any chance that this started [TS]

  out as a pilot and then just [TS]

  accidentally got extended out in [TS]

  affordability I need to be that good [TS]

  proper and those are expensive the [TS]

  budget just expanded until they said we [TS]

  spent nine million dollars on this we [TS]

  gotta put it in theaters also i think i [TS]

  think I cracked the solution of what [TS]

  this is like [TS]

  was there like a really lucrative book [TS]

  series called ice pirates and to the [TS]

  studio option that book series and they [TS]

  realize that oh my God we're gonna lose [TS]

  the rights if we don't release some kind [TS]

  of film in the next three weeks because [TS]

  that's what this movie looks like looks [TS]

  like that Fantastic Four movie that I [TS]

  Carmen yeah yeah oh yeah you have a [TS]

  one-million-dollar Roger Corman movie [TS]

  yeah well Roger Corman even the space [TS]

  stuff better than this if you look at [TS]

  battle beyond the stars which many years [TS]

  before this I'll tell you one thing [TS]

  he'll get if you have if you are him he [TS]

  will give you change from your 10 [TS]

  million dollar bill [TS]

  yeah so there's a fight [TS]

  there's a there's a chase involving a [TS]

  scooter and all the while the music from [TS]

  the a team is playing yes my notes say [TS]

  yet the music in this film some of it [TS]

  sounds like it's being performed by a [TS]

  CID chip [TS]

  yes and the rest of it sounds [TS]

  suspiciously similar to the Star Trek [TS]

  the motion picture theme [TS]

  oh interesting you know not nothing [TS]

  motion picture came from this I I really [TS]

  I i seriously had flashbacks to like [TS]

  every eighties action TV show ya how all [TS]

  this library music at all [TS]

  not only that but all these selector [TS]

  musical stings they would put in there [TS]

  not for ironic effect that was [TS]

  hey we've got we've got this sort of [TS]

  orchestral sort of our peggio and thence [TS]

  than Stephanie slam let's use it here [TS]

  and this is the first example of [TS]

  something that I think takes up roughly [TS]

  15 minutes of the runtime and that is [TS]

  people being dragged behind modes of [TS]

  transportation something is doing the [TS]

  eighties they love that stunt in the [TS]

  eighties they had just discovered how to [TS]

  drag people behind things that gets [TS]

  dragged behind a horse guy gets dragged [TS]

  behind a motorcycle in it and they also [TS]

  love to crash vehicles through people [TS]

  who are have a bunch of table set up [TS]

  yep oh yeah that's the fruit cart the [TS]

  classic fruit card under gonna freak [TS]

  raspberries too expensive he had a [TS]

  bottle that for this is just going to [TS]

  get the black lawn furniture what [TS]

  soundstage a budget fruit cart is that [TS]

  happened and how about the work that [TS]

  we're gonna breed your hole but let's [TS]

  cut this geometrically shaped hole [TS]

  Justin that's the quad that's like high [TS]

  school production quality there we need [TS]

  to show where they've reached the [TS]

  hologram let's get let's put in the wall [TS]

  panel with it with the puzzle shape [TS]

  calling the crazy thing in this city is [TS]

  is we realize that they ran out of [TS]

  medieval Templar costumes at some point [TS]

  so they can like you know Aladdin's [TS]

  walking by and a turban they found like [TS]

  one gigantic proper warehousing logic [TS]

  importantly so we're going to use [TS]

  whatever's in here it doesn't matter if [TS]

  it makes any sense [TS]

  I was MGM in the eighties and they just [TS]

  didn't care about anything so they were [TS]

  just taking all the stuff from the [TS]

  fifties sixties whatever had laying [TS]

  around all the sword and sandal epics [TS]

  all the robin hood movies holy Egypt [TS]

  ancient movie the kids eat this stuff up [TS]

  man come on baby it's like anything that [TS]

  Bob Hope and Bing Crosby once warren [TS]

  road movie should be somewhere it was [TS]

  like guys my dad's possible even charge [TS]

  the prop house all week we can help me [TS]

  get anything we want for that we click [TS]

  write a script that will use gladiators [TS]

  and robots and like big as big as cars [TS]

  big wheels on them and frog masks Tony [TS]

  our friend Tony single artist in our [TS]

  chat room and he says it reminds me when [TS]

  I would be building a lego castle and [TS]

  I've run out of the castle guys so I [TS]

  just start putting pilots on the baton [TS]

  yes exactly [TS]

  Tony that is exactly it the scooter [TS]

  chase I was like it's like oh he's [TS]

  coming on a scooter oh he crashed the [TS]

  scooter we will ride the scooter now and [TS]

  by robert brown one point they got three [TS]

  people on that scooter oh yeah at least [TS]

  three people on that scooter to sex like [TS]

  three people by himself [TS]

  this is this is where we get what i [TS]

  would say is the most composed horribly [TS]

  racist thing in the entire movie [TS]

  lion-o's over something that happens [TS]

  later which is the black robot the pic [TS]

  pot the pimp pimp thought well come on [TS]

  you know their mining airplane jive talk [TS]

  about it and I was like a staple of [TS]

  seventies and eighties like there had to [TS]

  be a jive talkin the mistake here is [TS]

  that it's not very funny [TS]

  otherwise it will be ok it doesn't quite [TS]

  listed is like no entirely the arable [TS]

  it's just that the joke is hey it's a [TS]

  black robot now you remember black [TS]

  people aren't they funny he's a pimp you [TS]

  know because he's a pimp and like all [TS]

  black people [TS]

  the black jive talkin pimp robot [TS]

  although it does allow there to be a [TS]

  whole screen and the credit sequence [TS]

  that says pimp robot by and then just [TS]

  now has to be fair i would like to say [TS]

  that we've gotten past this but the [TS]

  Transformers movies also figure out dr. [TS]

  a black robot so at least it stands out [TS]

  now used to be it was in every it was in [TS]

  it every television show had an episode [TS]

  or our main character that was like a [TS]

  recurring role type of thing every movie [TS]

  had one that was just had to do it and [TS]

  this movie is actually kind of [TS]

  progressive in the the whoever is the [TS]

  black secondary character you know the [TS]

  guy who repairs the robots is not a [TS]

  stereotype which is like miraculous but [TS]

  not sure this movie was made yeah you [TS]

  have a sidekick [TS]

  what Rosco is an actual person we [TS]

  absolutely one Anjelica Huston is [TS]

  somewhat somewhat forward-thinking as [TS]

  well in the chat agree as a woman as a [TS]

  woman who is not a princess are made and [TS]

  i think i think the providing the reason [TS]

  those that as they buy bet they wrote [TS]

  this role for Gregory Hines they could [TS]

  not afford great minds they would've [TS]

  wanted to be in the dance number that [TS]

  yeah that's true [TS]

  that was a no go to shame they couldn't [TS]

  afford Gregory Hines they set their [TS]

  movie in the one year when Gregory hi [TS]

  was on affordable housing counseling [TS]

  skills that white knights white knight [TS]

  sorry and they take off and go up [TS]

  through the clouds and then when they [TS]

  reach the top of the clouds there in [TS]

  space [TS]

  I don't know how that works that was [TS]

  pretty great and the princess lays down [TS]

  the line with law with her gun [TS]

  she says you're going to take me you [TS]

  know where you're going to listen to me [TS]

  or I'm going to shoot things or whatever [TS]

  it is like alright princess really [TS]

  wherever you say she and Robert shark [TS]

  eats an apple that he doesn't you know [TS]

  it takes it takes low it takes water to [TS]

  draw those apples [TS]

  oh I don't know I think I mean this [TS]

  scene like he's got an apple that that's [TS]

  what we've got to work with who you're [TS]

  gonna be standing on one side of the [TS]

  console with your main person I'm gonna [TS]

  be over here eating an apple [TS]

  yeah he works the Apple he does because [TS]

  it is Urich yeah he's perfect perfectly [TS]

  fine [TS]

  oh yeah and the worst part is that he's [TS]

  got his leg up on the console whole time [TS]

  with his tights showing she's ridiculous [TS]

  like his white stretch pants that he's [TS]

  still wearing trying to look all cool [TS]

  i'm eating an apple and everything I'm [TS]

  wearing stretchy white tights [TS]

  why not [TS]

  I feel like that could have been the [TS]

  tagline of this whole film why the hell [TS]

  am I not time for a break you know [TS]

  watching a bad movie you could say it's [TS]

  a waste of time you could say it's a [TS]

  waste of money you know what is not [TS]

  going to waste your money but it's going [TS]

  to grow your money it's our sponsor [TS]

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  past performance is no guarantee of [TS]

  future results please visit wealthfront [TS]

  com to read their full disclosure boy i [TS]

  love reading disclaimers but the [TS]

  disclaimer time is over back to the ice [TS]

  pirates cut to the headquarters of the [TS]

  Templars where the Templars guy who I [TS]

  don't even know what his name is [TS]

  shoulder pads guys yeah he visits with [TS]

  the Supreme santander of of the Templars [TS]

  ok and we get a cityscape that's just [TS]

  straight out of logan's run in the in [TS]

  the opening of this scene which is kind [TS]

  of crazy in 1984 and they do this thing [TS]

  where they were they waste time with him [TS]

  going through the metal detector like [TS]

  that wasn't a joke see but there's no [TS]

  get there about a waste scream time of [TS]

  its a lot of disk space in this movie [TS]

  where nothing is happening is they're [TS]

  not even it's not even a joke that they [TS]

  set up and failed this is nothing there [TS]

  like this machine serves no purpose no [TS]

  it will it serves a purpose which it [TS]

  which is an important purpose of movies [TS]

  from the eighties we can get a carrot in [TS]

  it there's a john carradine cameo and i [TS]

  want to i want to give people some [TS]

  perspective here John Carradine appears [TS]

  in this movie he's sort of in a [TS]

  greenhouse laying on a bed i'm kind of [TS]

  tilted and he mumbles about various [TS]

  things that don't make any sense [TS]

  that's my dream job well he establishes [TS]

  that the bed this is part of the bad [TS]

  guys plan all along which is totally a [TS]

  you know the movie trope of especially [TS]

  in the eighties or anything you know [TS]

  when the bad guys mean it's like it's [TS]

  going the way we planned [TS]

  yes it totally is so much greater evil [TS]

  let me get my five respective John [TS]

  Carradine is the patron saint of bad [TS]

  movies I've seen him in probably at [TS]

  least ten movies all of which are [TS]

  atrociously terrible and by this point [TS]

  in his career this is the last maybe [TS]

  five years I he died about four or five [TS]

  years after this I think about four [TS]

  years before this [TS]

  yeah they they want me to give up my [TS]

  body so he in this period is do it dude [TS]

  it's not working for him here in [TS]

  low-budget sci-fi movies in the scene [TS]

  where he appears in one scene and [TS]

  mumbles and is prominently featured in [TS]

  the credits you know he's only in the [TS]

  movie [TS]

  for about two minutes and this is 1 this [TS]

  is one of those this is a couple years [TS]

  after he featured in my favorite bad [TS]

  movie of all time which is Frankenstein [TS]

  imperious dubbed into the air in against [TS]

  a green screen for one scene and mumbles [TS]

  and you don't understand what the heck [TS]

  he's talking about he's slightly more [TS]

  coherent here which i will truck up to [TS]

  the production values of the ice pirates [TS]

  vs frankenstein island but you know it's [TS]

  gonna be a great movie when john [TS]

  carradine is in and here so that's why [TS]

  he's here he's here to like give his [TS]

  blessing and say yes this is a bad side [TS]

  system that likes you say you're saying [TS]

  like he's like sourdough starter for bad [TS]

  sci-fi movie yeah I was gonna say he's [TS]

  like the Pope of bats high five weeks [TS]

  yeah I will I will define defense John [TS]

  carinito because he read an interview [TS]

  with him and he's talking about how he [TS]

  managed to have his career as an actor [TS]

  he was always working a why wasn't it [TS]

  wasn't it wasn't because he like had no [TS]

  standards whatsoever because he believed [TS]

  that it's my job to every every single [TS]

  roll i have an opportunity to act and to [TS]

  do and to do this job that I love doing [TS]

  and to learn as an actor in manhattan [TS]

  fiat work and it's okay you didn't do [TS]

  that it'll pop quantity over quality [TS]

  definitely yeah and also also this shit [TS]

  there should be a film festival or at [TS]

  least like there should be a like a [TS]

  Oscars film montage of the scenes of how [TS]

  do you have an accurate you really [TS]

  really want to hire but he's really [TS]

  really old and sick you have to figure [TS]

  out a way what if we were to have him in [TS]

  a bed and a mechanical bed not going to [TS]

  rotate so we stand him up like I did [TS]

  think of like jason robards and magnolia [TS]

  where they were the oven wanted Jason [TS]

  Robards so badly that he's we will write [TS]

  your grow as a dying man who was in a [TS]

  hospital bed [TS]

  we know you need oxygen we will actually [TS]

  have a working oxygen tank next to the [TS]

  bed and an actual nurse people give you [TS]

  oxygen as needed if you if you really [TS]

  want to have one more great role in you [TS]

  and he said okay you seem to have made [TS]

  it easy for me either i can play a dying [TS]

  man of emphysema hooked up to an oxygen [TS]

  tanks and tank i can do that and so for [TS]

  the last 10 years John carotenes life he [TS]

  was also given the chance for that role [TS]

  of a lifetime [TS]

  unfortunately I think another neither [TS]

  the star slammer or the ice pirates or [TS]

  friends and I would really fit the bill [TS]

  I'm sorry your old Frankenstein thailand [TS]

  Jason was so much better than his [TS]

  I yes I I was uh there's a guy named [TS]

  Jason in that movie too for a good [TS]

  example of an old actor not being used [TS]

  well i highly recommend the Batman 1966 [TS]

  episode that has Tallulah Bankhead near [TS]

  the end of her life she was not up for [TS]

  the action scenes [TS]

  yeah well you mean you get you get that [TS]

  a lot with the be stunt double but that [TS]

  that drops in but with Carrie and I mean [TS]

  this is the guy I mean he seriously all [TS]

  of the roles in this era he was either [TS]

  on a bed or like dubbed in like through [TS]

  a green screen as a floating transparent [TS]

  ahead [TS]

  those are the only choices and yet they [TS]

  cast him and he goes back he was in the [TS]

  unearthly which uh which a lot of people [TS]

  have seen because i was a mystery [TS]

  science theater movie hehe worked a lot [TS]

  anyway I this is what the segment where [TS]

  I say hey john carradine is in this [TS]

  movie I've seen way too many john [TS]

  carradine movement you because i have [TS]

  taken him as a like that is the check [TS]

  box of like it's gonna be a bad movie [TS]

  oh john carradine to the yes is [TS]

  incoherent mumbling has some gravitas to [TS]

  because this guy i think yeah yeah yeah [TS]

  he looks like he's the Supreme Commander [TS]

  is at the end of his life but he knows [TS]

  everything and he knows where the bodies [TS]

  are buried and you know it's not risks [TS]

  and that was that was definitely the [TS]

  once what the one of maybe two scenes [TS]

  this movie I thought okay maybe just [TS]

  stick with this there might think [TS]

  they've got some ambition here because [TS]

  this is a scene that actually kind of [TS]

  works it has no apparent relation to the [TS]

  rest film but which is why it works and [TS]

  that's right huh [TS]

  that seems we should've done more of [TS]

  that seems that had nothing to do with [TS]

  the rest of the film that seemed took a [TS]

  look at the rest of the movie and said [TS]

  you guys do whatever you want I'll be [TS]

  over here [TS]

  arguably every scene in this movie [TS]

  except for two had a good that's like [TS]

  the overall plot is ice pirates princess [TS]

  earth everything else in the movie spate [TS]

  spacer Oilers broiler horn John is ruin [TS]

  the movie based on the corners for Lance [TS]

  robots like everything else in the movie [TS]

  the metal detector seen it does not [TS]

  everything to do with this tiny donkeys [TS]

  and tiny deer that isn't gonna like they [TS]

  had ideas for some gags and they're [TS]

  gonna find a way to build a movie around [TS]

  yeah i just wrote down this movie has [TS]

  tone issues about this matter to the way [TS]

  through tone overall is we don't really [TS]

  care and get the time [TS]

  why the hell not sure they're going to [TS]

  the pirate moon now and this is where we [TS]

  discovered that there's an alien bug [TS]

  that looks like a kind of like a pig bug [TS]

  is that I think they made that for the [TS]

  show to somebody and Creature Shop [TS]

  molded some latex and covered with slime [TS]

  in the grand tradition of the eighties [TS]

  in 1984 we thought that calling [TS]

  something space herpes would be really [TS]

  really funny and and the nineteen [TS]

  eighties painted painted latex covered [TS]

  with slime was was it like every movie [TS]

  and have something but they even shank [TS]

  this joke all you gotta do is have more [TS]

  than one how to make it has two hands [TS]

  emerged from it and then you can [TS]

  actually say herpes instead of her p a [TS]

  herpe which which sounds like there's [TS]

  gonna be like a hervĂ© Villechaize cameo [TS]

  as a point but no I was thinking I was [TS]

  thinking Herbie the Love Bug yeah and it [TS]

  doesn't seem to have anything to do with [TS]

  herpes in any way [TS]

  oh no it's the word just here's our [TS]

  alien rip off while we say the word [TS]

  happy occasion said her dad is out of [TS]

  the turkey later it makes them go [TS]

  oh it's her pee now i remember at the [TS]

  schoolyard I remember kids talking about [TS]

  the space herpes and hilarious that was [TS]

  they go to pirate moon there's a scene [TS]

  where there's a guy doing giving people [TS]

  shoeshines and saying that he's running [TS]

  out of spit for the shoe shines because [TS]

  there's just not enough water man to [TS]

  which i wrote my notes this water [TS]

  concept still does not make any sense [TS]

  yeah there's a scene where they take [TS]

  over ish a spaceship full of water [TS]

  that's a spaceship full of water is not [TS]

  going to supply even in tiny city with [TS]

  water let alone part of the galaxy [TS]

  yeah also also I was waiting for the [TS]

  shot of them actually transferring those [TS]

  blocks of water from the big ship into [TS]

  the tiny tiny little slice sized ship [TS]

  that was parked on top of it I had I had [TS]

  trouble following a lot of it they only [TS]

  blue that little hole [TS]

  it doesn't need to be inside the ship [TS]

  they could just tie it to a net and [TS]

  leave it outside and space [TS]

  so they don't spend that to its credit [TS]

  they don't spend any time trying to [TS]

  explain anything about the ice or the [TS]

  pirating of the ice or the water they [TS]

  don't spend a lot of time showing how [TS]

  bad the water shortages in the galaxy is [TS]

  like it's their kind of in the [TS]

  background but we forget about it pretty [TS]

  much immediately and yeah now just [TS]

  concerned about Princess space hero [TS]

  pirates whatever thats to its credit huh [TS]

  yeah I maybe it's like if you if you'd [TS]

  well if you tried to build a movie [TS]

  around that premise it's too dumb like [TS]

  you won't work [TS]

  you can't accuse this movie of [TS]

  overthinking anything yeah they can't [TS]

  explain it so they're wise not to try [TS]

  yea though they can't explain it so [TS]

  that's why they put in the title just [TS]

  want you to know that's that as it's [TS]

  called hang a lantern on it right is it [TS]

  hiding in plain sight yeah maybe also [TS]

  ice is a terrible way to transfer water [TS]

  from what place are you got it [TS]

  well it stays frozen and space easily [TS]

  and there i love how they walk through [TS]

  they walk through these giant rooms [TS]

  filled with blocks of ice but nobody's [TS]

  cold [TS]

  no yeah that was weird it if you're [TS]

  going to transfer through space that's [TS]

  one thing but if you're just gonna like [TS]

  put it into a warehouse that you have [TS]

  climate controlled like it also doesn't [TS]

  make any sense [TS]

  well it also takes up more space in the [TS]

  frozen form through so you [TS]

  yeah it's done the one who's done i've [TS]

  come to the conclusion this movement is [TS]

  kind of dumb and that's rocket surgery [TS]

  thanks next week so we have but women [TS]

  the bar scene we have the poltergeist [TS]

  lady though [TS]

  yes is irate dan is clean [TS]

  that's it's not it's not the poltergeist [TS]

  lady it's oh what's your name in total [TS]

  recall [TS]

  I think it's willow is it the lady from [TS]

  ice pirates i do some good news though [TS]

  there is a polar ice connection in that [TS]

  this cinematographer was from [TS]

  poltergeist [TS]

  oh that is such good news yeah and then [TS]

  he then he goes on later in life to do a [TS]

  two star trek movies [TS]

  good for him the director of this movie [TS]

  went out to make mac and me that was on [TS]

  the list you got to because latex [TS]

  expertise and put that into mac me [TS]

  we've reached the point in the movie [TS]

  where the second i would i would argue [TS]

  most racist thing happens which is in [TS]

  which is thats everywhere like this [TS]

  feature a certain word is used that it [TS]

  is supposed to be used in polite company [TS]

  road warrior Elton John arrives [TS]

  yeah he does he's got the metal ski [TS]

  goggle frames he looks a little like [TS]

  bono from u2 he is that horrible racist [TS]

  in his fly persona you're talking about [TS]

  yes he's got the crazy crazy gold medal [TS]

  ski goggle frames with nothing in them [TS]

  and he's a racist he says a terrible [TS]

  thing and then says I mean the black [TS]

  gentleman because he's talking to it [TS]

  like a single take that political [TS]

  correctness [TS]

  so again this is this is mining the the [TS]

  Blazing Saddles territory only again [TS]

  they failed to actually make a joke [TS]

  which is a little bit probably just kind [TS]

  of like you forget in the eighties that [TS]

  they would routinely have people say [TS]

  things like this not as a statement on [TS]

  them at all like it's an unintentional [TS]

  statement on the state of race relations [TS]

  in the eighties like there was ok just [TS]

  to say that it showed this little bit [TS]

  urban gritty but not saying he's a bad [TS]

  guy or anything for saying this you know [TS]

  things like Empire what to say right [TS]

  yeah that's what ever that you didn't [TS]

  think I correct basically e corrected [TS]

  himself and said I mean the blackjack [TS]

  yes that's after this other person shot [TS]

  and let's take that political [TS]

  correctness yeah as as the like those [TS]

  like a fifth script originally so look [TS]

  we really can't have him say that but we [TS]

  get let's have not only that but it's [TS]

  okay because then there's a fight and [TS]

  anjelica huston cut his head off [TS]

  good point we get what's coming to him [TS]

  yeah and and remind me again why [TS]

  Anjelica Huston is not the the female [TS]

  lead in this movie remind me again [TS]

  because every time I see her like that [TS]

  seem to have three of them sitting at [TS]

  the table talking at all anjelica huston [TS]

  does is act with her eyes [TS]

  I'm so much more interested in her than [TS]

  I am the princess lady did oh do not [TS]

  even funny [TS]

  why because she's not a TV actress and [TS]

  not have a problem rolls go to the TV [TS]

  people in this film is she coming off [TS]

  captain EO here or she about to do [TS]

  captain I think about to do [TS]

  yeah there you go so shit so I bet a lot [TS]

  of her prep for that movie working for [TS]

  Francis Ford Coppola that's what she was [TS]

  that that's what you put into her eyes [TS]

  parents I she was really this young when [TS]

  she did Captain EO that's that's some [TS]

  good makeup this is just after she did [TS]

  this is spinal tap too I think [TS]

  yep that's about right um yeah I i must [TS]

  say before i watch this movie the [TS]

  thought of scantily clad anjelica huston [TS]

  was not high on my list of things that I [TS]

  wanted to witness but and now now I'm [TS]

  okay with it [TS]

  what a fool you were alright well good [TS]

  news [TS]

  space pirates space parents have turkey [TS]

  bodies is how this i just want to point [TS]

  that out babe you have parents but they [TS]

  have the bodies of plucked this [TS]

  yeah they're just letters plug parents [TS]

  yeah yeah it's one as I love that they [TS]

  did the whole talking parrot gag but [TS]

  they didn't bother waiting for like a [TS]

  cut where the the parent actually had [TS]

  its mouth open at any point so it'sit's [TS]

  talking with a completely closed mouth [TS]

  and everything you see the parrot Rock [TS]

  was I the one who's literally really [TS]

  closely at those puppets because again [TS]

  we getting back to that the the poor [TS]

  actors who was in that smoky tube this [TS]

  is the sort of movie that would just [TS]

  sort of let's just pull the feathers off [TS]

  of a cover-up parrot because I also be [TS]

  like much less expensive than making a [TS]

  puppet [TS]

  I think it was that way when they found [TS]

  it in the back of the prop class yeah it [TS]

  died on the second day of shooting for [TS]

  because of bad treatment and then they [TS]

  had to build a puppet to save it okay [TS]

  now we're we're we're headed out into an [TS]

  exciting location scene for one of the [TS]

  most exciting parts might be a location [TS]

  that's near la but the desert [TS]

  it's the dead and just outside his eyes [TS]

  except the winner now that the the [TS]

  conveyance that's being driven from my [TS]

  lizard lady and the frog lady is the [TS]

  winner of the making x-wing out of [TS]

  cardboard but they have solar panels on [TS]

  it which is kind of that kind of clever [TS]

  think about the all speaking of things [TS]

  for movies they just throw in there [TS]

  they're like people like Caddyshack [TS]

  right i mean I'm assuming this was after [TS]

  cataract why else [TS]

  why else would have liked it's just [TS]

  why else would have liked it's just [TS]

  like you just you know anything was fair [TS]

  game [TS]

  people like an attack movie that is [TS]

  funny things with the Gophers put them [TS]

  in just don't don't argue space partner [TS]

  just don't have a popping up little [TS]

  little bit around prairie dogs or [TS]

  whatever pop and apparently it was [TS]

  enough to show up on the poster because [TS]

  / prominently displayed at the bottom [TS]

  center of the poster is one of those [TS]

  little things even though they had no [TS]

  actual part to play in the fill the [TS]

  space covers are central to this movie [TS]

  well it's also one of those strange [TS]

  things where you can see that they just [TS]

  dug up a bunch of dirt [TS]

  yeah I know anyone turning it in it just [TS]

  looks like yeah it's it's terrible [TS]

  yeah and then they have a sucky of all [TS]

  the things that they could have spent [TS]

  money on in this movie and digging a [TS]

  hole and putting people to have to [TS]

  operate little hand puppets white and [TS]

  toes probably already there like [TS]

  everything else maybe some other movie [TS]

  and dug the hole and they just do it [TS]

  rental whole do you get the impression [TS]

  impression there's actually a hand in [TS]

  those puppets because it looks to me [TS]

  like a stick with a company Datuk they [TS]

  could have hired the special effects [TS]

  genius behind Caddyshack epic know it [TS]

  would look better [TS]

  yeah ditto for his awesome Caddyshack oh [TS]

  yeah so these vehicles that they made up [TS]

  like it's the previously when they go [TS]

  into the pirate moon as well I thought [TS]

  the same thing when they're right [TS]

  they're arriving at the bar at the Power [TS]

  movement they had some kind of [TS]

  conveyance look like it was probably [TS]

  used to carry like tourists around on [TS]

  like the MGM studio tour [TS]

  yeah it doesn't limo on it and they just [TS]

  put a bunch of like sci-fi crap on it [TS]

  and I remember thinking geez that's a [TS]

  lot of money to spend for seen this [TS]

  thing's gonna be in for two seconds [TS]

  given the budget that I didn't know the [TS]

  budget was as high as it was but I'm [TS]

  like someone had to stick up under [TS]

  sci-fi crap to that thing and spray [TS]

  painted with a can of krylon and it's [TS]

  only on the movie for 42 seconds at [TS]

  least the desert one they spend a long [TS]

  time long showing it move around later [TS]

  it is the the big one with the big [TS]

  wheels running around the Romish a skull [TS]

  on the fritz all made out of plywood for [TS]

  poorly spray-painted but at least it [TS]

  like they get their money's worth out of [TS]

  it was somebody got college credit for [TS]

  doing that there's a tractor with with a [TS]

  paper mache skull and some boards on it [TS]

  sounds even all start with the cardboard [TS]

  x-wing on it and they fight sort of i [TS]

  mean someone clearly saw mad max went oh [TS]

  let's add security future world but it [TS]

  had a baby sad baby animals you baby [TS]

  donkeys someone had to buy a wrist [TS]

  rocket so there's an old man [TS]

  that in the desert any frog costume [TS]

  probably set him back like 20 bucks he [TS]

  was aged by a time warp the old man in [TS]

  the desert and he tells them a story of [TS]

  The Legend of the seventh world but he [TS]

  can't go very far with this wonderful [TS]

  place where there's water because [TS]

  there's another ship coming across the [TS]

  desert with a paper mache skull on the [TS]

  front there's a lot of very securely [TS]

  fast because I look could we point out [TS]

  exactly why because what if one of one [TS]

  of Roberts friends upon greeting him in [TS]

  this pirate laughing hey did you know [TS]

  there's this enormous bounty on your [TS]

  head [TS]

  yeah it's the bounty hunters come to get [TS]

  him to blow up the cardboard x-wing they [TS]

  run over a robot they are more frag lady [TS]

  fraud label that the poor frog lady in [TS]

  the cardboard x-wing they are very [TS]

  economical with their laser use but so [TS]

  then we have we have a chase that occurs [TS]

  he's dragged behind the big thing there [TS]

  yes you guys dragging behind their [TS]

  little thing and the one guy is run over [TS]

  horribly and the guy who's captaining [TS]

  the the skull ship kinda looks behind [TS]

  actually a little bit sad that he's run [TS]

  over one of his buddies Robert Urich [TS]

  does what it takes advantage of this [TS]

  distraction to let go of the chain from [TS]

  behind his vehicle position in a perfect [TS]

  way where he can go back underneath the [TS]

  other vehicle but not be run over then [TS]

  grab ahold of the wheel and use the [TS]

  spinning force of the wheel to fling his [TS]

  body up on to the platform of the skull [TS]

  tractor of surprising everybody on the [TS]

  skull tractor so we can just like bump [TS]

  them off by just pushing them a little [TS]

  with his elbow and they all fall off [TS]

  into the desert except for the one guy [TS]

  and then everybody dies on that i'm at [TS]

  craft on the sail craft mad max it is [TS]

  not now this is a pulsating fighting [TS]

  what are you talking about Robert your [TS]

  key if I'm gonna think like I Catskills [TS]

  comedian who goes up it says these are [TS]

  the jokes folks I feel like the whole [TS]

  time is going on someone saying this is [TS]

  the action scene folks [TS]

  yeah we're literally just gets behind a [TS]

  bunch of people and kind of bumps into [TS]

  them and they fall off going up [TS]

  I don't think it was even a Wilhelm girl [TS]

  i will know you needed you needed a [TS]

  warehouse which [TS]

  important for Wilhelm they weren't even [TS]

  going that fast so we're just supposed [TS]

  to assume that there is a bleep terrible [TS]

  fall off and immediately walk over to [TS]

  craft services table and they may have [TS]

  survived only the one guy who's left to [TS]

  right little drive into some barrels of [TS]

  some kind and we discovered that paper [TS]

  mache is incredibly explosively are you [TS]

  Bumi is the eighties every vehicle [TS]

  exploded watch anything chips taught us [TS]

  that it might add a Pinto underneath [TS]

  it's hard to say they didn't have water [TS]

  to make the paper mache so these [TS]

  nitroglycerin a good point let me take a [TS]

  little bit of a break from the bad movie [TS]

  to tell you about a great service its [TS]

  mail route you've heard me talk about [TS]

  that before [TS]

  basically mail route is a cloud email [TS]

  filtering surface so you don't have to [TS]

  install any software on your computer or [TS]

  your mail server at all [TS]

  it lives in the cloud it takes in all [TS]

  the mail you change the MX records for [TS]

  your domain so that they're going [TS]

  directly to mail route that takes in all [TS]

  your mail it uses its intelligent cloud [TS]

  based filtering system to kick-out all [TS]

  spam viruses and bounced email and put [TS]

  them in a little holding bin and then [TS]

  only the good mail goes to your mail [TS]

  server i used to run a mail server on my [TS]

  home network which meant that every [TS]

  connection of spam and viruses and [TS]

  everything like that that was trying to [TS]

  be sent to me by spammers would go over [TS]

  my connection and it was slow down my [TS]

  internet connection [TS]

  the beauty of something like mail route [TS]

  is that that that that just never gets [TS]

  to your server it stays on mail route [TS]

  server if something good does get [TS]

  filtered as spam which happens [TS]

  occasionally although I have to say it's [TS]

  very rare you get a little spam digest [TS]

  that says here's the stuff we filtered [TS]

  out today [TS]

  it shows you the mail route is working [TS]

  but also if you see something good with [TS]

  one click you can have it delivered and [TS]

  have the person who sent it whitelisted [TS]

  so they will never have their email [TS]

  blocked again it works great i've been [TS]

  using it for I got to say at least a [TS]

  year and a half now and I'm really happy [TS]

  with it so you should check it out the [TS]

  good news is there's a risk-free trial [TS]

  you don't need a credit card you sign up [TS]

  you point your MX records at mail route [TS]

  and your mailbox and hardware are [TS]

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  a-lister of the uncomfortable and I [TS]

  suspect you are because you're listening [TS]

  to the uncomfortable right now you get [TS]

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  account mail route by going to mail [TS]

  route dotnet / incomparable [TS]

  right now if you're an email [TS]

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  got all the buzz words they've gotten [TS]

  api for account management there's ldap [TS]

  Active Directory TLS male bagging got [TS]

  that male bagging is the best outbound [TS]

  relay and a whole lot more [TS]

  you should check it out i've been using [TS]

  it it filters my spam out before it even [TS]

  gets to my mail server [TS]

  thank you to mail route for sponsoring [TS]

  the uncomfortable and keeping my inbox [TS]

  free and clear of spam [TS]

  all right back to the ice pirates this [TS]

  really just doesn't make any sense at [TS]

  all with the editing the directing I [TS]

  don't know what they were thinking but [TS]

  the other car which had been running [TS]

  perfectly fine had somehow turned over [TS]

  and the guy was dead or dying should say [TS]

  and but today we the whole entire time [TS]

  we've just been following Jason on top [TS]

  of the craft and on top of the the thing [TS]

  so it did what would happen to them they [TS]

  were fine like five seconds I think we [TS]

  knew that he he got lost or something [TS]

  but yea right there's an explosion and [TS]

  he falls over does not carry him to the [TS]

  car [TS]

  yeah I think he's messed up before they [TS]

  even get into the right that's it and he [TS]

  dies and it's sad [TS]

  is it sad that the cut-rate hurt us is [TS]

  dead it so they go back to the ship and [TS]

  while on the ship Robert Urich reads a [TS]

  space travel magazine i kid you not and [TS]

  has a product placement for club red [TS]

  which is the Club Med of space again a [TS]

  joke with no actual joke content oh it's [TS]

  like Club Med acceptance in space and [TS]

  have you ever been to club red [TS]

  no I'll yep I've been there was a good [TS]

  it's not as good as you would think it [TS]

  is no it wasn't as good as in the ad so [TS]

  the people in the movie know what club [TS]

  that is it's unclear because the [TS]

  screenwriter did they haven't been to [TS]

  earth [TS]

  the amazing thing is they both mug like [TS]

  the joke is hilarious and no joke has [TS]

  been made no it's like the bullets but [TS]

  it's my club med except in space and it [TS]

  has a different name that I remember a [TS]

  lot of club bad jokes in the eighties to [TS]

  don't you remember like that was that [TS]

  was a common common fodder for their [TS]

  product they didn't they decided not to [TS]

  make one know you have too much harder [TS]

  when there's no joke if there's a joke [TS]

  you can just let it win [TS]

  there's no joke you guys sweat it there [TS]

  are four lines and no joke is to be [TS]

  found amongst them [TS]

  it's amazing here we learned that the [TS]

  water planet the seventh planet has rain [TS]

  and cloud [TS]

  which everybody seems to know what they [TS]

  are even though even though they don't [TS]

  have so they took off and they went [TS]

  through the clouds all the clouds here [TS]

  are like acid rain [TS]

  yeah if you want a movie from the [TS]

  eighties as intermediaries that it [TS]

  involves people being creditless about [TS]

  sources of water was just going to do [TS]

  this from the eighties let's see uh they [TS]

  they cook a turkey but it's been [TS]

  infested by a space her p [TS]

  oh no Thomas Cook cities in the kitchen [TS]

  slaving away [TS]

  yeah yeah yeahs jamba to zachs working [TS]

  on it and and then the space 41 emerges [TS]

  is dragged across the table on a visible [TS]

  string [TS]

  oh yeah then goes away no attempt is [TS]

  made no attempt at all to disguise the [TS]

  string and old lady spits out her food [TS]

  it's another state another checkbox [TS]

  rabies movie yes [TS]

  yep she might as well have said check [TS]

  please [TS]

  alright here we go now we're at the [TS]

  really at the core of the movie which is [TS]

  Bruce Vilanch they've made a visit Bruce [TS]

  Vilanch and sound stages smoking [TS]

  collection of near naked women and an [TS]

  owl he could more check boxes in the [TS]

  eighties movies checklist and got a [TS]

  bunch of scantily clad women and they [TS]

  have unicorns for crying out loud not [TS]

  not just that for another early eighties [TS]

  phenomenally for emergence of female [TS]

  bodybuilders which means that they're [TS]

  just simply athletic and fit as opposed [TS]

  to like very muscley but yes American [TS]

  Gladiators was just around the corner so [TS]

  that they might be the gorgeous ladies [TS]

  of wrestling bordello the future zap [TS]

  ladies and gentlemen it's not have to [TS]

  say the tri system does look [TS]

  suspiciously like a soundstage and some [TS]

  dry ice [TS]

  yeah i just opened a soundstage like [TS]

  that didn't before this one they're like [TS]

  can we become how cheaply can we do this [TS]

  can we just not have assets sure smokers [TS]

  asset right everybody is going to be [TS]

  focused on Bruce Vilanch anyway it [TS]

  doesn't like a whore and like a hotel [TS]

  lobby or theater lobby for the his like [TS]

  thrown scene so they don't have to do a [TS]

  set that there is this location that was [TS]

  a clear that I this is the cut his head [TS]

  off his head company's fine [TS]

  Oh his head coming off is the best [TS]

  special effects ever achieved [TS]

  the cutting technique of having the [TS]

  screen edge just stop at his neck and [TS]

  they call that movie magic [TS]

  you don't even see it you don't even [TS]

  suspect like how did they even do that [TS]

  were so wrapped up in the movie then we [TS]

  don't even notice such trivial things [TS]

  that is that you fill it in with your [TS]

  imagination and that's this megaphone [TS]

  special effect of all come to think of [TS]

  it locating wish villages neck does [TS]

  require some haha so he said his head [TS]

  comes off the mirror naked ladies at [TS]

  fight they torture the severed head of [TS]

  Bruce Vilanch which is food but its fine [TS]

  its time because he's just a hand [TS]

  railing at and they fight and they find [TS]

  the princess's father who is an Omega [TS]

  robot which is a kind of robot that's [TS]

  mostly human but a robot instead of foam [TS]

  rubber [TS]

  yeah they make a mistake of trying to [TS]

  have another dramatic scene like when [TS]

  the guy dies they try to be dramatic [TS]

  when she said that her dad's a robot [TS]

  that trying to be dramatic don't even [TS]

  they should not do this setup so she's [TS]

  half robot now you're missing a [TS]

  threesome or Delta robot that's funny [TS]

  she doesn't look british general tone [TS]

  robot but have no fear she blows on a [TS]

  ring which get to create a hologram [TS]

  which tells her the hologram tells her [TS]

  that her father can truly be found at [TS]

  and i wrote this down because it's very [TS]

  in all the galaxies how will you find [TS]

  him how will you reach your father and [TS]

  the answer is he's at coordinates 283 on [TS]

  Iona projection 283 that's where he is [TS]

  just go over there 2283 and I my own a [TS]

  projection I don't know what you didn't [TS]

  know what projection to use before [TS]

  well that's right that's that's the key [TS]

  is it's not just the number you also [TS]

  have to know what style of projection it [TS]

  is with the Iona projection 283 will be [TS]

  better you don't know how many [TS]

  projections there are if there are large [TS]

  actions 283 could be granular and it [TS]

  really is somewhere in all the galaxies [TS]

  yeah they really missed us a chance to [TS]

  play up the space pirate thing here [TS]

  because they could have had a treasure [TS]

  map where you have to go to a net will I [TS]

  then take 15 paces that way [TS]

  well see that would have required having [TS]

  a course because several times they talk [TS]

  about if we deviate it all will be lost [TS]

  in the the time work forever but they [TS]

  don't have a course they just have a [TS]

  coordinate they have to go to so it [TS]

  doesn't really make any sense at all [TS]

  you're going they're going straight [TS]

  it's free today [TS]

  just just hold it steady and it will be [TS]

  steady as she goes why casual there's [TS]

  only one way in on the Iona projection [TS]

  will that way really fast something gets [TS]

  in your way [TS]

  don't turn them yeah well but there was [TS]

  a really funny a line here is officer [TS]

  off-screen from Bruce Vilanch [TS]

  yes care to mention closet ya know that [TS]

  one does not get as a kid [TS]

  the ring comes out of his mouth we have [TS]

  our we have our c-3po we have our c-3po [TS]

  jobs here to from june Bruce Vilanch I [TS]

  always wanted to get ahead [TS]

  don't drop me I just got my nose done [TS]

  that's a back-and-forth man that is gold [TS]

  well Bruce Vilanch is a bad actor but [TS]

  you can rely on him to come up with a [TS]

  bunch of cheesy one-liners like I'm sure [TS]

  all of his stuff was his own material [TS]

  that's his core competency just wanted [TS]

  to get ahead right though would you care [TS]

  to make a deposit is a genuinely funny [TS]

  line and emerson and one that won the [TS]

  kids are not going to get it strikes me [TS]

  that must have been a complete accident [TS]

  because he says it off screen [TS]

  yeah and I I think they just forgot to [TS]

  remove it nobody noticed even said it [TS]

  and so this movie decides the next part [TS]

  is that like all eighties movies it is [TS]

  going to have a straight-up mostly [TS]

  taking itself seriously love scene [TS]

  between the leads totally gratuitous sex [TS]

  scene on the holodeck with porno music [TS]

  by casio it's not a hollow deck they [TS]

  have an actual wind machine and [TS]

  sprinklers in every pattern eyes are [TS]

  missing one of the important parts of [TS]

  the movie before we get to the holiday [TS]

  club scene which is they've rebuilt the [TS]

  robot and now he's black [TS]

  why is he black because i wanted to make [TS]

  a perfect sense Roscoe yes [TS]

  yeah there's always like a weird mix of [TS]

  like just you know that minorities [TS]

  accepting their roles in 80 society and [TS]

  rebelling against that suddenly by by [TS]

  making them making human character in [TS]

  the movie was black and by get you know [TS]

  fighting against the stereotypes with [TS]

  like I don't know if it was supposed to [TS]

  be hilarious that there look look at [TS]

  them they're so the rebelling against [TS]

  these stereotypes but yet that you know [TS]

  at that line is that it's not funny it's [TS]

  not played for laughs but it's like I [TS]

  don't know it's like defiant [TS]

  yeah it's weird also there I just this [TS]

  is the point where i wanted to mention [TS]

  again that there were all these baby [TS]

  animals on the ship happens because they [TS]

  got them you've got them in the process [TS]

  of our [TS]

  and how's everything else when you have [TS]

  a water shortage you definitely want to [TS]

  start your own zoo know it was that they [TS]

  rented them for that scene in the desert [TS]

  they said we got it for next 2-3 days [TS]

  ok we're not going to we're gonna use [TS]

  them they're there for the timewarp gag [TS]

  later on yes that's that's why they're [TS]

  so Robert Urich playing space pirate to [TS]

  the hilt is wearing his puffy shirt here [TS]

  he's got his official pirate shirt on ya [TS]

  has to get the chest hair [TS]

  he goes to the the door of the princess [TS]

  and she is saying oh a little harder [TS]

  that's perfect don't stop don't stop to [TS]

  which he's like I'm going in there and [TS]

  find a robot with steam coming out of [TS]

  his head ears or whatever he's been [TS]

  massaging her chase and what were you [TS]

  thinking I assume although I expected a [TS]

  bigger like oh that was a great massage [TS]

  and they just gonna leave it there i [TS]

  think i know every single thing that [TS]

  they attempt to do in this movie the [TS]

  shank into the bushes and some people [TS]

  don't like me that's all you need it all [TS]

  you needed was the setup like there's no [TS]

  one needed mine is like you just got [TS]

  here we go harder it's like that's the [TS]

  laugh line like instead of being the [TS]

  setup i do have to say children who [TS]

  might accidentally watch this movie at [TS]

  some point please please take heed of [TS]

  this fact a lot of body to rub is not a [TS]

  good line to pick up my sis not at this [TS]

  point in my notes just as they exchanged [TS]

  double entendre that because that's what [TS]

  happens there's it's not really smart [TS]

  clever dialogue and English doing it on [TS]

  a breathy and they kiss each other job [TS]

  on holodeck concerns brought his [TS]

  favorite program which is a clear square [TS]

  of plastic and that he inserts into the [TS]

  eighties at electronic game now that do [TS]

  you think it was a holodeck 2 I really [TS]

  don't think that was a holiday i think [TS]

  it just had a screen [TS]

  well it has rained and water and we [TS]

  assume that water wasn't really there i [TS]

  guess it's holiday we assume its water [TS]

  is in shortage you don't you don't use [TS]

  it on the holiday yes this is why it's [TS]

  in shortage because everybody in system [TS]

  having sex under sprinklers all the time [TS]

  it was [TS]

  wasn't it was anti biotics that's what [TS]

  was so yeah it's a screen with various [TS]

  things behind it in the end the rim rain [TS]

  and at one point it looks very much like [TS]

  a romance novel cover except with Robert [TS]

  Urich it's derek is fabia the cat the [TS]

  casio demo tape really does w me in this [TS]

  my notes say please make it stop [TS]

  yes is when we get the line around about [TS]

  it feels so stiff the Melman I mean it [TS]

  just keeps going [TS]

  it's so long that I was yelling at the [TS]

  screen what is this scene doing in this [TS]

  movie [TS]

  shouldn't you be at the controls is not [TS]

  that bad [TS]

  love scenes if you had a movie and they [TS]

  were leads you had to have a steamy love [TS]

  seen my next line of notes is just God [TS]

  yeah I was gonna say that's the point [TS]

  where you tweeted so so bad but i have [TS]

  to say then it can be wrapped all the [TS]

  way around and i laughed out loud for [TS]

  one of the only times in this movie [TS]

  because all of a sudden they cut to [TS]

  stock footage of waves coming in yes [TS]

  not tonight as well be a train going [TS]

  into a tunnel volcano erupting rocket [TS]

  taking off that was a really funny [TS]

  you don't need to reinvent the wheel [TS]

  here that was really funny [TS]

  I I like that a lot the stock footage of [TS]

  weight and and the best thing was the [TS]

  stock footage was like it was terrible [TS]

  liar but like it was it looked like it [TS]

  was I don't know like like it was from [TS]

  VHS or something to the heavy HS it [TS]

  wasn't film it was just like a lower [TS]

  resolution and dimly lit and just it was [TS]

  however they did the rear screen [TS]

  projection in this movie they because it [TS]

  is a couple times like when the guy [TS]

  watches the ship take off and stuff like [TS]

  that you can see it's actually [TS]

  stuttering because that would show it [TS]

  like out of sync slightly in which is [TS]

  strange because in the credits there's [TS]

  somebody who's credited with keeping [TS]

  everything in sync but the rear screen [TS]

  projection is awful [TS]

  oh I love those waves though because [TS]

  that's just that's just go ahead do it [TS]

  so but but they can't no more time for [TS]

  any more action because it's red alert [TS]

  on the ship you can tell because of the [TS]

  arugba sections that are sick of my red [TS]

  alert about my relationship because [TS]

  they're entering the timewarp yes this [TS]

  is the moment when the scriptwriters and [TS]

  and the directors everybody on the set [TS]

  real [TS]

  as we've got a week left and about three [TS]

  thousand dollars [TS]

  let's prep this thing up well I think [TS]

  the whole movie was building to this [TS]

  yes like this is this the movie is built [TS]

  around but then but then it's short and [TS]

  it's it's just so confused in short and [TS]

  not very climactic it's a I like it I [TS]

  like it was rushed i think it's still I [TS]

  think it's still inventive if you're [TS]

  gonna do a comedy movie this is a good [TS]

  way to end a comedy movie with this [TS]

  Leggett the execution is bad the [TS]

  execution everything in this movie is [TS]

  bad but even more than that this is a [TS]

  comedy movie because i'm still not [TS]

  certain of that fact I think it's trying [TS]

  to be a comedy i think the movie is [TS]

  built around this and a couple of other [TS]

  gags I like the time were perfected not [TS]

  affect the effects are terrible with the [TS]

  concept the concept i think is [TS]

  interesting and the execution is [TS]

  entertaining enough for me [TS]

  imagine futurama does the same gag [TS]

  hilarious right yeah yeah it's just it's [TS]

  just execution is just get some better [TS]

  fake beards and I think you're in i have [TS]

  to admit i found it funny that we kept [TS]

  cutting and then like Robert Urich has a [TS]

  beard and then they've got what they've [TS]

  got Wi-Fi and long hair and then it's [TS]

  like even at and that she's pregnant [TS]

  she's like I feeling sick and then she's [TS]

  so she's pregnant and she has a baby [TS]

  already [TS]

  and his response is sorry about that [TS]

  another was encrypted he's giving me the [TS]

  stink-eye guess she hasn't been there to [TS]

  raise their child for the best five [TS]

  minutes [TS]

  yeah and then and then he's a deadbeat [TS]

  dad he was busy fighting in the engine [TS]

  room and then by the end they're like [TS]

  they actually use the line [TS]

  I'm getting too old for this which I [TS]

  thought was they didn't actually pretty [TS]

  funny that was yeah that that yet no [TS]

  this is that I actually enjoyed this it [TS]

  was as ridiculous as it was in their son [TS]

  is now a hero he's now Robert Urich and [TS]

  and that whole versatility [TS]

  yeah i mean a that the fighting itself [TS]

  is completely nonsensical it's just more [TS]

  swordcraft hitting each other the joke [TS]

  is that they're doing it with a long [TS]

  beard and white hair and all the idea of [TS]

  sending the robots into fight each other [TS]

  and just standing in the background [TS]

  rebuilding them the whole time is [TS]

  actually kind of interesting [TS]

  yeah if only the robots looked like they [TS]

  could fight yes or look anything like [TS]

  robots that just once [TS]

  push them over and you're done but you [TS]

  know occasionally have a sword that [TS]

  makes one of them apples they told the [TS]

  extras or whoever's in the suits to try [TS]

  to act like robots [TS]

  then all of them like I don't know that [TS]

  they decided to do the robot dance [TS]

  it's kind of like all their emotions are [TS]

  kind of jerky and fake it's like someone [TS]

  doing charades and trying to pretend [TS]

  they're a robot but it's 1984 you could [TS]

  hire breakdancers you could hire shields [TS]

  and Yarnell they're not doing anything [TS]

  at this point not but good news [TS]

  everybody even though everybody is old [TS]

  and over nanny have made me laugh out [TS]

  loud to where she goes outside to get to [TS]

  get your knee and she's desiccated [TS]

  corpse and i have said they have strobe [TS]

  lights and they change the speed of the [TS]

  film if they had indeed was shot on film [TS]

  something times and they had a sound [TS]

  effect whenever they change the speed of [TS]

  the film i'm just in case it wasn't [TS]

  clear [TS]

  yeah and here we see the ignominious end [TS]

  of the space herpes underneath Percy's [TS]

  foot with zero fanfare obviously they [TS]

  couldn't figure out anything else to do [TS]

  with the space her pee I thought all we [TS]

  gotta tie up the loose and he's used all [TS]

  of our good jokes about the space movie [TS]

  we've already agreed that because the [TS]

  groundhogs they've definitely seen [TS]

  Caddyshack that after the end credits [TS]

  the face her pops up and starts doing a [TS]

  little dance under the end credits music [TS]

  because it's not actually dead because [TS]

  the the way the time i reset everything [TS]

  yeah so like they technically just [TS]

  brought the spacer beater of the 730am [TS]

  they probably destroyed the planet [TS]

  yeah service right mhm they brought her [TS]

  piece to earth is what they did haha [TS]

  because of scientific things they all [TS]

  reset to their normal ages and say we [TS]

  came through it [TS]

  yay and the seventh world is out there [TS]

  and they look and it's it's earth at [TS]

  which point my wife turned 21 and barf [TS]

  my god i was wrong and wizards oh yeah [TS]

  luckily earth has enough water on it to [TS]

  supply the needs of the entire galaxy [TS]

  that's right as opposed to having just [TS]

  enough for Earth and so Roscoe says were [TS]

  out of business the same well that's [TS]

  right this movie has the decency to end [TS]

  the movie they're like it in modern days [TS]

  you have a movie like this there's no [TS]

  way in hell they are the decency to end [TS]

  the movie that point this one realizes [TS]

  we've done everything we can to do page [TS]

  we had a big set piece one line and wear [TS]

  outfits it we've pushed our luck enough [TS]

  as it is [TS]

  I made a note i don't have any context [TS]

  for it and I have blocked out the [TS]

  context but it amuses me so I'm going to [TS]

  read it anyway [TS]

  don't touch that ring it's been inside [TS]

  Bruce Vilanch i was in his mouth yeah [TS]

  sure thats that's what sets up at me i [TS]

  would you care to make a deposit [TS]

  I think cool just like take a moment to [TS]

  whatever filthy filthy joke that we [TS]

  could make this word that kind of [TS]

  podcast listed this looks like a moment [TS]

  of silence magic the Bruce Vilanch is [TS]

  saying it so I I think I need to go [TS]

  around now and ask everybody whether [TS]

  they thought this was essentially in the [TS]

  words of the flap outside guess i would [TS]

  say a good bit a good bad movie a bad [TS]

  move your movie you kinda liked but [TS]

  we're not the flophouse we can't say [TS]

  that so I am interested in whether you [TS]

  were entertained by this movie or or put [TS]

  upon by this was he at least eight [TS]

  whether you saw this as a child to very [TS]

  curious about that aspect of it [TS]

  fair enough let's start with Jojo what [TS]

  it what would you think i did not see it [TS]

  as a child because i was too and the [TS]

  movie is just awful and everywhere for [TS]

  him everywhere good good verdict there [TS]

  John syracuse I what about you [TS]

  I saw this movie dozens of times when I [TS]

  was a kid because i think it was on TV a [TS]

  lot and parts of it that I saw as a kid [TS]

  that you know that i could connect back [TS]

  to now or like when I was a kid the [TS]

  castration scene was hilarious when I [TS]

  was a kid the time warp thing at the end [TS]

  was clever and inventive I remember not [TS]

  noticing how terrible the robot to our [TS]

  and liking the idea that they're [TS]

  constantly falling apart that guy's job [TS]

  was to repair them and your proxy [TS]

  fighting by having the robots like all [TS]

  those things work when you're a kid but [TS]

  I said it before I'll say it again [TS]

  kids have bad taste this is not a good [TS]

  movie adult should not watch this movie [TS]

  there's nothing to recommend it except [TS]

  for a little bit of the nostalgia of i [TS]

  remember seeing this is the kid which is [TS]

  a shame because it's one of those things [TS]

  where you know is this gonna hold up it [TS]

  am I gonna watch it and you know it's [TS]

  just it's not even enough nostalgia to [TS]

  carry me through this movie I was born [TS]

  it was disappointing it was [TS]

  just gross and not funny and not [TS]

  interesting and couldn't recapture any [TS]

  of the magic that has a kid so it is I [TS]

  yeah I it's it's disappointing i guess [TS]

  like I don't know i mean it it had a [TS]

  soft spot in my heart because I saw it [TS]

  just so many times like I think [TS]

  especially the boring parts this movie I [TS]

  would stop paying attention and then [TS]

  never pay attention again when the parts [TS]

  that I came back on and so you only [TS]

  remember about three minutes of it that [TS]

  you like all memory of this movie was [TS]

  gone and now what I'm watching I'm like [TS]

  I expected to be reminded of things like [TS]

  I guess I just never really watched this [TS]

  movie is a these scenes as a kid I guess [TS]

  just went off and did something else and [TS]

  then came back when when the guy had a [TS]

  big afro because time was passing so how [TS]

  can you compare it to the core [TS]

  ah the car is a better movie than this [TS]

  is painful as that every day that I get [TS]

  better special-effects think the car is [TS]

  more confident and less embarrassing [TS]

  because it's less stated and the problem [TS]

  with this movie is almost like big that [TS]

  it's so close to being not know you know [TS]

  it wants to be Time Bandit so [TS]

  desperately but it's not it wants to be [TS]

  star wars but it's not want to give up [TS]

  riders but I want to be the black hole [TS]

  but it's yeah I guess yeah is it is like [TS]

  is like fourth-tier bad sci-fi Monty [TS]

  what about you [TS]

  I must have seen it because I distinctly [TS]

  remember it constantly being on HBO [TS]

  but I have no memory of this whatsoever [TS]

  but to be fair I barely have any memory [TS]

  of watching it just recently where I [TS]

  like how goofy and poorly made it is [TS]

  there's a lot of bad movies that are [TS]

  just boring at least was not bored by [TS]

  this movie it is also not very good [TS]

  yeah i would not recommend it to people [TS]

  i can sign onto that Andy what about you [TS]

  i'm ninety-five percent sure I did not [TS]

  see this as a kid I've definitely i [TS]

  remembers that remember the alien of the [TS]

  toilet scene and I remember the old [TS]

  people running in like Benny Hill speed [TS]

  at the end of the movie my doctor where [TS]

  I saw that I'm very but I the rest this [TS]

  boy was it was unfolding brand new to me [TS]

  so I'm very sure i didn't see it but I [TS]

  can i can testify that [TS]

  and now that I just hated this movie it [TS]

  was it was one of those things where i'm [TS]

  watching I'm watching this movie tonight [TS]

  and I swear to God like every 3-4 [TS]

  minutes i just had after the first 15 or [TS]

  20 when I realized what I was in for [TS]

  I was just like I hate this movie [TS]

  why I hate this movie it makes you want [TS]

  to flee like did you find yourself [TS]

  getting up and going to another room you [TS]

  feel like you need to defend it because [TS]

  well because ok i did i did take a break [TS]

  for for the CBS evening of comedy show [TS]

  me something maybe watching with the [TS]

  hour-long season finale the series [TS]

  finale of two and a half men hopefully [TS]

  would have set me up for the sort of [TS]

  comedy that was to come for the [TS]

  remaining 45 minutes of this movie but [TS]

  the the problem that I was having with [TS]

  it was that it was just so slow and [TS]

  there was such distance between jokes [TS]

  that I couldn't start thinking of it as [TS]

  a comedy and they were like little like [TS]

  microbeads of interesting plot like [TS]

  again the idea that we're going to fight [TS]

  a battle but our job as humans to fix [TS]

  the robots as they get there that were [TS]

  talking about little micro beads like in [TS]

  suspension of raw sewage here and I just [TS]

  add it was just so tedious and so [TS]

  horrible and if if if this were fast we [TS]

  will see these movies call the on mst3k [TS]

  and sometimes when you get to see them [TS]

  like without the commentary they're [TS]

  still kind of entertaining because [TS]

  they're awful there's nothing redeeming [TS]

  about them but they moved so fast that [TS]

  your brain just can't really harbor the [TS]

  last awful thing you saw because then [TS]

  the next awful things coming up right [TS]

  ahead you've got to sort of reset the [TS]

  buffer for that so yeah it was just [TS]

  really seriously two hours of if not for [TS]

  the fact that I've i'm doing a podcast [TS]

  on this in three hours time there is no [TS]

  way in hell that I i tweeted out that i [TS]

  was looking at my Qi I have to that [TS]

  there's I also i'm behind watching like [TS]

  movies I want to see before the Oscars [TS]

  on sunday so i had luck reflect that [TS]

  ok so let's see what's in my like amazon [TS]

  instant video rental q let's see there's [TS]

  Birdman the heavily acclaimed Birdman [TS]

  best picture [TS]

  Oh a boyhood that epic movie that took [TS]

  20 years to make a true visionary and [TS]

  ice [TS]

  the ice pirates and I have to watch ice [TS]

  pirates before these two if it's delayed [TS]

  gratification for doesn't thing I always [TS]

  remember this movie as ice pirates in [TS]

  Andy's little screen shot in his queue [TS]

  it was called ice pirates the actual [TS]

  title of the movie is the ice [TS]

  yeah I'm i did not know that until the [TS]

  the the title screen Pirates come on [TS]

  it's weird to me than in Andy's cute [TS]

  said ice pirates like even even that [TS]

  whatever that was Netflix whatever gets [TS]

  it wrong but you want to distinguish it [TS]

  from those charlatans ice pirates to [TS]

  trying so hard to be the cool i don't [TS]

  know what he was saying about this movie [TS]

  being like like slow and like the long [TS]

  distance between the jokes I think back [TS]

  then there was just so much more [TS]

  tolerant for downtime you think of a [TS]

  movie like a great movie like something [TS]

  like the green spaces darker movies are [TS]

  all rapid-fire you don't know but [TS]

  there's anything in your your top-secret [TS]

  i was watching house brothers yesterday [TS]

  and it's a funny funny movie but it's [TS]

  not afraid to have we're gonna have like [TS]

  a four-minute seen this just nothing but [TS]

  drama [TS]

  we're going to establish these [TS]

  characters it doesn't seem to slow down [TS]

  the movie at all especially because boy [TS]

  oh boy do they make up for the last 15 [TS]

  minutes of that movie but this is just [TS]

  like I like trading places which is a [TS]

  great eighties movie if you watch it [TS]

  again you realize that it is like that [TS]

  the joke per second ratio or whatever it [TS]

  is just so much lower back then because [TS]

  they were willing to tolerate having [TS]

  just seems that like there is no joke [TS]

  and whereas modern comedies you are not [TS]

  allowed to have seen no matter what it [TS]

  is whatever you're establishing there [TS]

  must be a joke in it every 37 of the ice [TS]

  pirates is that I feel like they were [TS]

  setups for jokes and then there was like [TS]

  no joke like that you were saying it's [TS]

  like literally like isn't this setup [TS]

  wacky and then they walk away now the [TS]

  setup was the joke is I'm resonating do [TS]

  that sometimes the ice parts like they [TS]

  have whole seems that there's not a [TS]

  setup now there's not a joke [TS]

  there's not drama like it's just just [TS]

  killing time even allowing for the year [TS]

  I mean it's the year before back to the [TS]

  future it's the same year as the [TS]

  kuruvamma that's why factor future was [TS]

  so amazing because it was like hold [TS]

  everything is not a wasted sceneline [TS]

  anything in that movie like your watch [TS]

  back to the future again now and the [TS]

  reason it holds up is because it is just [TS]

  beautifully structured and put together [TS]

  it's like up all the puzzle pieces fit [TS]

  everything has a purpose every like it's [TS]

  not a joke but every line has like a [TS]

  little bit of wit or a little bit of [TS]

  angle or something that you can notice [TS]

  like that's why that movie was just [TS]

  knocked our socks off because you know [TS]

  its contemporaries were so far off that [TS]

  mark david lore about you [TS]

  well you know I I i will avoid the [TS]

  copyright issues and then say that it's [TS]

  it's great really good bad [TS]

  yeah it's not quite good enough to be [TS]

  bad good and it's not quite bad enough [TS]

  to be bad good it's it's like oh you [TS]

  know it watching it again i know i [TS]

  watched like that's what the kind of [TS]

  movie we had used to have to watch [TS]

  because there weren't any good [TS]

  yeah we had we had to watch it uphill [TS]

  both ways [TS]

  yeah you know watch the several times [TS]

  back in the eighties because yet again [TS]

  it was on HBO all the time and I didn't [TS]

  like it then either but you know Robert [TS]

  Urich you go like Robert Urich and any [TS]

  is charming in it he's just he's Robert [TS]

  God darn it [TS]

  butBut watching this time I every scene [TS]

  i kept thinking who sat down and thought [TS]

  I want to make this movie this movie is [TS]

  my passion I have to get this on a [TS]

  screen who thought this [TS]

  no no and nobody about this [TS]

  it was it was very much an Edward ish [TS]

  experiences like somebody just had to [TS]

  had to make it [TS]

  hebert once had a member i can with what [TS]

  item that his movies Oscar it was but [TS]

  the definition was the spit the kind of [TS]

  movie that is actually is is less a [TS]

  movie that are filled deal about that [TS]

  because studio wanted something and this [TS]

  is what we got like i said i don't feel [TS]

  this doesn't smell to me like what the [TS]

  kind of movie that was originally a [TS]

  unique vision and was dumbed down into [TS]

  what we see this feels like it was [TS]

  assembled [TS]

  oh yeah from [TS]

  parts a lot of people who showed up and [TS]

  do the job they were contracted to do to [TS]

  the best of their abilities yes Steve [TS]

  what about you [TS]

  well I did not see this is it as a child [TS]

  but i do remember much schoolyard [TS]

  discussion about what a wonderful [TS]

  hysterical film it was and I was sad [TS]

  that i never got around to seeing [TS]

  anything I having seen it you want to go [TS]

  back to that playground punch some kids [TS]

  don't know it's a it's crap it but the [TS]

  thing is that i was as i mentioned [TS]

  before I was genuinely entertained [TS]

  throughout and i'm not sure why maybe [TS]

  it's because I'm the sort of person [TS]

  who's entertained by your postcard crash [TS]

  footage but I just I have to admire the [TS]

  sheer insanity of saying hey let's make [TS]

  a space film but with pirates and nights [TS]

  i'm a little closer to you on the [TS]

  spectrum [TS]

  I still don't like it but no no it's not [TS]

  gonna drive by any stretch of the [TS]

  imagination but it's it's it's clear [TS]

  that some people here were mistakenly [TS]

  under the impression that they were [TS]

  making a real movie and some of them had [TS]

  fun [TS]

  they're clearly having fun but it comes [TS]

  yes that's true and it comes off to me [TS]

  like they went on a really serious binge [TS]

  of some sort of substance and they [TS]

  didn't come to Intel it had already been [TS]

  released to theaters worldwide [TS]

  absolutely you probably I mean it really [TS]

  comes off like this is hilarious to this [TS]

  is gonna play so well and nobody ever [TS]

  like went back after the the binge ended [TS]

  in the the hangover was over and checked [TS]

  to see if it was actually that funny and [TS]

  this is what we ended up with so I've [TS]

  certainly seen worse films i don't think [TS]

  it's a good film by any stretch of the [TS]

  imagination but I actually sort of [TS]

  enjoyed it [TS]

  Welty to use a a since we're making [TS]

  flophouse references use ATM McCoy ism [TS]

  it moves along at a good clip it I I [TS]

  didn't find like I wanted to open a vein [TS]

  while watching it I didn't enjoy it but [TS]

  I could I didn't have those moments like [TS]

  I've had it with some movies that we [TS]

  watch where I like I can't like tomorrow [TS]

  I'll watch some more of this or I need [TS]

  to walk [TS]

  i really think my life instead it was [TS]

  like yeah okay it is it reminded me of [TS]

  of a tease TV shows that i like to watch [TS]

  like the a-team or Simon and Simon or [TS]

  something like that except it was a [TS]

  sci-fi movie that barely and yeah it's a [TS]

  bad movie it is not a good movie in fact [TS]

  we when we have our our email discussion [TS]

  about this I was like oh jeez what if it [TS]

  actually turns out to be something that [TS]

  was just you know cute and funny and and [TS]

  we're like kicking a little puppy by [TS]

  watching and making fun of it and then i [TS]

  watch it was like good news everybody [TS]

  hated and I did and I hated it and it's [TS]

  a bad hooby it is it is not just a bad [TS]

  sci-fi movie it's a bad comedy because [TS]

  it's not that funny and there's a bunch [TS]

  of empty spaces where there should be [TS]

  jokes and I don't know what ultimately [TS]

  for me I don't know what this movie [TS]

  wants to be and I think nobody who made [TS]

  it did because it is not a sci-fi movie [TS]

  like action adventure where the [TS]

  adventure is really fun and it's not a [TS]

  broad comedy where there's lots of jokes [TS]

  and it's really just parroting the [TS]

  format it is this weird like maybe you [TS]

  know kind of gentle like hey you know we [TS]

  like pirate movies [TS]

  don't be he lets do a pirate movie with [TS]

  the trappings of space and I don't I I [TS]

  just I don't know why you make that [TS]

  movie so I think it worked and it's time [TS]

  though because like four if you are a [TS]

  ten-year-old when this movie comes out I [TS]

  it it entertain me in my childhood I [TS]

  whenever this movie came on it was [TS]

  exciting that this movie would be on TV [TS]

  and I will get to see it again if they [TS]

  played it all the time and it would like [TS]

  this movie had that little extra [TS]

  something like it was like I said it [TS]

  seemed edgy or whatever is rated it is a [TS]

  great movie for entertaining dumps they [TS]

  say not be in it in if the shoulder in [TS]

  the eighties they don't you know in the [TS]

  eighties the effects don't bother you as [TS]

  much with everything look like crap in [TS]

  the eighties with the exception of study [TS]

  which is why Star Wars was on such a [TS]

  pedestal because this was the this is [TS]

  like that you know the standard and I [TS]

  mean it's still a bad movie because we [TS]

  would you want but we know we want now [TS]

  is like can we make a movie that kids [TS]

  like that is also actually a good movie [TS]

  had back then the answer seems to be no [TS]

  but I I'm gonna say like I'm glad this [TS]

  movie was made because it [TS]

  entertain me a lot as a child as many [TS]

  things did [TS]

  entertain me as a child that don't [TS]

  entertain me now an adult so is there [TS]

  other movies from this period that do [TS]

  something similar and are much much [TS]

  better and also that sexiness really but [TS]

  unless you'd like to try to think of one [TS]

  like it like I'm trying to think of them [TS]

  Ghostbusters exist I would say [TS]

  Ghostbusters the princess likes sucking [TS]

  bonsai same year behind bandits is the [TS]

  best example because Time Bandits does [TS]

  like what this movie wishes it could do [TS]

  I'm right I'm just saying we pulled out [TS]

  like five movies that probably could i [TS]

  right but i think i think this movie had [TS]

  first of all this is a space movie [TS]

  they're not gonna let Ghostbusters [TS]

  obviously Ghostbusters has been doing [TS]

  this but we're not you know it's like a [TS]

  space movie that's like also kind of [TS]

  like a space kind of comedy issues like [TS]

  our science fictiony type thing and Time [TS]

  Bandit is the only one that I can think [TS]

  of in time but this is way better than [TS]

  this but you know there weren't many and [TS]

  of course you know me with the last [TS]

  starfighter yeah they would last [TS]

  starfighter insiders in a totally [TS]

  different categories way but was it is [TS]

  totally different category out specific [TS]

  is your category community Florence [TS]

  space we need something like this [TS]

  alright for Brian where what is that [TS]

  what are the roads ever done for us [TS]

  I'm saying like you know like court [TS]

  quirky space comedies last starfighter [TS]

  is deadly serious my friends it's not [TS]

  really that deadly serious it is or if [TS]

  you're a kid you're like this is what [TS]

  I'm training for this is the documentary [TS]

  last starfighter was like like blowing [TS]

  my brain out with the computer effect [TS]

  was like it was it was almost as [TS]

  important to me and says don't remember [TS]

  that yeah I just remember making weeks [TS]

  over death blossom jokes afterwards and [TS]

  their families but it's the same years [TS]

  the Terminator in the predator it's a so [TS]

  incompetent that I I guess I think of [TS]

  this not less a movie and more as a TV [TS]

  thing like the best porn on TV [TS]

  terminated working on TV you know me [TS]

  like this for whatever reason was just [TS]

  like running on WPIX or whatever I think [TS]

  what I would say is this is a movie that [TS]

  doesn't get made and if it's 1985 [TS]

  because i think that summer when [TS]

  Ghostbusters with the biggest movie and [TS]

  said we can take we can make a comedy [TS]

  and friggin Bill Murray and genre [TS]

  effects will know but I mean as a movie [TS]

  it's like we can take we have special [TS]

  effects and plots and would like take [TS]

  our plot seriously and lead label a lot [TS]

  of comedy on top of it and it's a huge [TS]

  hit and I think that changed the game [TS]

  and I think this is a movie from the no [TS]

  no you don't have to try hard just put [TS]

  it out there and it's basically the bank [TS]

  robbers black hole era it is and really [TS]

  I mean it it came out in march of 1984 [TS]

  so it had to have been made in 83 or [TS]

  even earlier you know who long who knows [TS]

  how long it's at this movie is the [TS]

  reason the terminator was such a big [TS]

  deal right here is again this is the [TS]

  this is the this is the contemporaries [TS]

  right and so when the Terminator comes [TS]

  out i know i know you guys did determine [TS]

  everything and you're like oh looks [TS]

  kinda cheesier than I thought like [TS]

  terminator was like oh my god they [TS]

  finally done it because this was what [TS]

  was surrounding it [TS]

  they also sent a robot back in time to [TS]

  prevent them from making the ice pirates [TS]

  but it wasn't there when they reboot the [TS]

  franchise that will be a major [TS]

  population centres like black robot yeah [TS]

  unfortunately that robot was a human [TS]

  skin surrounding a foam rubber but yes [TS]

  but the exact opposite of this movie is [TS]

  2010-2020 which is deadly serious [TS]

  doesn't and also deadly boring but [TS]

  unfortunately it's all about 2,000 one [TS]

  which is kind of a hard act to follow [TS]

  your is real good point earlier but [TS]

  there's there's some movies that like [TS]

  you there on HBO all the time for like [TS]

  two or three months and maybe you were [TS]

  sort of twenty thirty percent liking it [TS]

  the first time you saw it but it really [TS]

  grows on you as you get used to it like [TS]

  I i have a relationship with Tinker [TS]

  Tailor Soldier Spy because it confuses [TS]

  the hell out of me the first time that I [TS]

  saw it after the third time now I know [TS]

  what's going on and I can start to [TS]

  appreciate the performances now they're [TS]

  not like spending all of my time viewing [TS]

  being confused like hell so that I think [TS]

  there might even be a category movies [TS]

  like that where they you are quite [TS]

  correct to be a big fan of this movie [TS]

  but that will only come if you've had [TS]

  the experience of being able to sort of [TS]

  normally see it without paying 10 bucks [TS]

  each time and if you're 10 and if you [TS]

  leave the room during the black lips I [TS]

  feel like HBO beat and appreciation of [TS]

  under the rainbow in tomorrow through [TS]

  just sheer force of playing it all the [TS]

  time [TS]

  alright we've reached the end it's time [TS]

  to go [TS]

  I think we better thank you please guys [TS]

  what we've what we've done what we need [TS]

  to do with vs pirates [TS]

  cue the memorable scenes over the rock [TS]

  and end credits so it looks like an [TS]

  episode of hardcastle mccormick [TS]

  pretty much music over the end credits [TS]

  he can't argue with that huh that's it [TS]

  you're gonna you're gonna like speed up [TS]

  and slow down the last five minutes of [TS]

  this this episode right sure [TS]

  well we all have loyalty errands and big [TS]

  white afros now we're our own children [TS]

  yeah exactly alright let me thank my my [TS]

  panel of people who watch this movie I [TS]

  Steve let's thank you a lot of body to [TS]

  rub Jason lot of body to run [TS]

  yes David Laura thank you you take care [TS]

  of him i'm going over here and Enoch oh [TS]

  thank you very much [TS]

  I feel as though I have to go see the [TS]

  third man five times out just to reset [TS]

  by reset lines by 15 men must watch [TS]

  monty Ashley thank you seriously that [TS]

  ring was inside Bruce Vilanch lot of [TS]

  body to rub Monty lot of body to rub [TS]

  John siracusa thank you i still don't [TS]

  quite know why i'm watching these movies [TS]

  but I hold on your permit that's at some [TS]

  point we're going to see movies either [TS]

  is going to be so incredibly bad that i [TS]

  find it entertaining or they were gonna [TS]

  find a good one [TS]

  this may be a foolish hope get around [TS]

  you pillage totally foolish last and Joe [TS]

  steel thank you we are glad that you [TS]

  made it this time to watch a bad movie [TS]

  with us because we were just blaming you [TS]

  for watching bad movies without you [TS]

  yeah well I still say that was actually [TS]

  Tony's fault [TS]

  yes I just gave a list and then then [TS]

  Tony Tony said the core was was good [TS]

  plan on Tony [TS]

  yeah I want to see this lesson is not [TS]

  here that's right all right well that's [TS]

  it we will be back i'm gonna warn [TS]

  everybody now what our next movie is so [TS]

  that you can not watch it if you want or [TS]

  you can watch it again to warn me about [TS]

  it too is you don't know what it is okay [TS]

  i'm going to avail here we're trying to [TS]

  take we were trying to jump around not [TS]

  do the same decade again until we've [TS]

  covered movie history or at least a [TS]

  large chunk of it [TS]

  so next we're going to the nineteen [TS]

  seventies booboo to watch sean connery [TS]

  in Tsar da [TS]

  no now i remember this come on what are [TS]

  you doing to me [TS]

  can you like Highlander at least or [TS]

  something but but the red diaper [TS]

  sponsored by depends [TS]

  alright we can do sorry da I'm gonna [TS]

  spell zar colon do is that improves it [TS]

  very nice and until then when we watched [TS]

  at home [TS]

  thank you to everybody for listening [TS]

  goodbye [TS]