Roderick on the Line

Ep. 231: “First Banana”


00:00:00   hello hi John

00:00:09   hi Merlin how's it going so good

00:00:12   yeah so good so good are you at home

00:00:16   base

00:00:17   no well what you mean by home base what

00:00:20   do you mean by home base

00:00:21   well two ways to think about a home base

00:00:24   well I don't like that I'd like to talk

00:00:26   about being out of the house and I'm out

00:00:27   of the house so I can understand if you

00:00:29   want to make something up two kinds of

00:00:30   people in this world managed to do that

00:00:33   no in fact i am back in my office how

00:00:38   you got the internet i got the internet

00:00:40   in the office that's such a good you

00:00:41   know if you're going to do work on the

00:00:43   internet it's nice to have the internet

00:00:45   it really is on the person that came and

00:00:47   finally fixed my problem for me said

00:00:49   that my cfi t authenticators had been

00:00:53   mislabeled as a RFQ I defibrillators how

00:00:59   you know that's one of the things like

00:01:01   corrupted fun it's the last place you

00:01:03   look

00:01:03   that's right that's right response John

00:01:06   he checked my fonts he reversed image

00:01:09   search a lot of the the key key cues we

00:01:12   probably had to reverse the polarity at

00:01:14   least a couple of time are you getting

00:01:16   any kind of depletion in your deuterium

00:01:18   my deuterium was let me slay me just say

00:01:22   it was for many rage it was there was a

00:01:26   team of SAS commandos down the

00:01:30   parachuted in to destroy my deuterium

00:01:35   factory and they almost succeeded huh

00:01:40   but then the then the bombs didn't work

00:01:43   the the back door was had an extra

00:01:45   padlock on it right now look at me very

00:01:49   carefully your back door

00:01:50   I tell a lot of people make intrusions

00:01:51   also check your six if you know saying i

00:01:55   do exactly i was about internet here for

00:01:58   months and I asked them to refund my

00:02:03   money

00:02:04   Oh

00:02:05   like to meet the demand satisfaction was

00:02:08   the arkyd polarity problem something

00:02:10   that they recognize their issue

00:02:12   yes interesting so who's the crazy one

00:02:15   now that's right who's the crazy one now

00:02:17   that's right it was some kind of thing

00:02:19   where they were they were sky think they

00:02:22   were probably cleaning house let's say

00:02:25   and they renamed things they went down

00:02:30   in things that things that had no name

00:02:32   the girl who had no name em the man

00:02:38   without a face

00:02:39   ok the eyes without a face our family

00:02:43   friend it but all kinda horny I want

00:02:47   talk into the wine

00:02:48   nobody said somebody higher up said we

00:02:53   need to clean up all this this you know

00:02:56   this too if they hit a jumper ol who

00:02:59   didn't roll em and they went in and I

00:03:03   don't know they didn't they didn't

00:03:04   recognize what it was they named it

00:03:06   something that it wasn't and then they

00:03:08   couldn't find it and this is this is not

00:03:11   understand what you're saying this is

00:03:14   this is a kind of error that that people

00:03:17   make that I have made a lot where you

00:03:19   think oh you know I just need to reset

00:03:21   everything right you have to do this one

00:03:23   thing and you don't realize you have

00:03:24   really thought it through

00:03:26   you know an example might be okay like i

00:03:28   like i need to really redo the whole

00:03:30   area near a TV because it's turned into

00:03:32   a rat King just unplugging everything

00:03:34   and then go like I don't know what goes

00:03:36   with what now where to go where

00:03:38   how was there one water left over Oh

00:03:40   horrible feeling i saw an example

00:03:42   somebody somebody post example i guess

00:03:46   that the people who do trivial pursuit

00:03:48   decided that they needed to clarify that

00:03:51   km means kilometer and so they did this

00:03:56   is this is the greatest cutting to mix

00:03:57   keep John circus up and then they

00:03:59   apparently they appear to have gone in

00:04:01   and done a universal search and replace

00:04:03   for the string km and so now Hugh

00:04:08   Jackman his in Trivial Pursuit as huge a

00:04:12   kilometer la we

00:04:15   I love that's kind of a visual junkie to

00:04:19   type it's really appreciate it yeah out

00:04:21   here in the Washington km it we all

00:04:23   recognize it as a as the kenworth brand

00:04:26   really anyone kmfdm is turning against

00:04:29   war

00:04:30   kmfdm i think was the art of noise oh

00:04:34   dude don't don't know is that who did

00:04:37   the dog song that beyond dreams that

00:04:39   trio that they get da triage triage

00:04:42   gonna get your father Mulcahy past i did

00:04:46   thats that made me sad i did it did and

00:04:49   it did I did I did 2016 just keeps taken

00:04:53   from us John yea even still it's still

00:04:55   feel man feeling better so yeah I'm not

00:04:58   really concerned about him really just

00:05:00   for a long time there in the mid-2000s

00:05:03   mean it's not that I won't talk about

00:05:04   Charles Manson I just don't care whether

00:05:06   he lives or dies

00:05:07   ok is it the distinction I for a long

00:05:10   time in the mid-2000s i don't know if

00:05:12   you remember but radar o'reilly remember

00:05:15   the little hat radio radar o'reilly war

00:05:18   you're the one who taught me that that

00:05:20   is not a free-standing hat right that's

00:05:24   that has an accessory to a helmet it's

00:05:27   yeah helmet liner I didn't know that for

00:05:30   cold weather but you put that in like

00:05:32   you did attend helmet liner right tank

00:05:34   helmet right and radar radar had it and

00:05:36   then I don't I maybe this wasn't true

00:05:39   where you lived because you live down in

00:05:40   different climbs but in the in the in

00:05:43   Alaska that was a hat that you wore if

00:05:47   basically if your dad worked in a tank

00:05:50   you know like that wasn't a hat that was

00:05:53   a half that communicated a certain kind

00:05:55   of like well communicate exactly the

00:05:57   thing that radar radar O'Reilly was no

00:06:00   no no one else on the cast of mash ever

00:06:03   wore that particular hat the radar what

00:06:06   I what I would like to sit describes the

00:06:08   radar o'reilly hat and so you would see

00:06:11   them in Alaska on people but it always

00:06:15   was sort of always said the same thing

00:06:17   you know like I work in a tank

00:06:18   interesting if you were to wear that and

00:06:21   not be attacked is that counts Stolen

00:06:23   Valor a little bit if you don't I mean

00:06:25   not the radar

00:06:26   wear it because radar Peter lead he

00:06:29   served and also probably like some tank

00:06:31   guy threw it to him and said like like

00:06:33   Mean Joe Greene throwing him is his

00:06:35   jersey

00:06:36   it's probably a two part 91 series where

00:06:40   he cries a lot about how I got that hat

00:06:42   well I bet you're right something that

00:06:43   big lights and I'm written by alan all

00:06:46   the draft by Allah so it to thousands

00:06:51   when all of a sudden that became the

00:06:53   fashionable hat i've talked about this

00:06:55   before it made me very upset i did not

00:06:58   like that had on people didn't like to

00:07:00   get on indie rockers and there was a

00:07:02   particular kind of indie rocker that

00:07:05   wore it that was like decidedly not

00:07:08   someone who had worked in a tank huh

00:07:11   but someone who was maybe still wearing

00:07:15   like not still but like was wearing

00:07:17   bell-bottoms but not hippy bell-bottom

00:07:19   seeing it i don't know why i can't tell

00:07:22   you why but I see it as in everything

00:07:24   but the girl guy had ok you know running

00:07:27   but the girl guy i dunno this isn't real

00:07:29   second skinny remember do you have some

00:07:32   weird disease i think he would wear a

00:07:33   hat like that i could be misremembering

00:07:35   yeah I am I'm going to say it was well

00:07:39   the most egregious example of it the one

00:07:42   that really upset me was I was a

00:07:43   bonnaroo one year and Ben Folds who was

00:07:48   wearing it and I was like Ben Folds come

00:07:52   on what you reppin with that this is not

00:07:56   your hat my friend why are you wearing

00:07:58   my because there are a lot of it mean

00:08:00   it's not like it's not a skate rat hat

00:08:03   it's more of like I got these beads in

00:08:07   Guatemala had except within the

00:08:10   indie-rock context anyway I thought that

00:08:12   plague was gone I thought that it had

00:08:14   been eradicated but the last two days

00:08:17   and well ever since I found out more

00:08:19   than two days ever since I found out

00:08:21   father Mulcahy died huh

00:08:23   I've been seeing those hats everywhere

00:08:24   and I don't think they're in tribute

00:08:27   I think it's some kind of I think it's

00:08:30   something weird you think it's real

00:08:31   though you think it's not availability

00:08:33   or sticky think it's really there you're

00:08:34   seeing more radar o'reilly hats but well

00:08:36   I don't I can't tell whether it's when

00:08:38   you buy a Volkswagen do you suddenly

00:08:40   volkswagen Hong Kong or is it there

00:08:43   really are suddenly more of these back

00:08:46   are you know are Millennials like

00:08:48   discovering them again even though

00:08:50   they're only 10 years old right or

00:08:52   mashes and mashes fairly fairly hard to

00:08:54   stream i think yeah to the amount and

00:08:56   they probably don't know it exists and

00:08:58   they definitely not put the asterisks in

00:08:59   the name no know who matt at ya and

00:09:04   confuse database do I that's another

00:09:07   thing when I when I was naming my band

00:09:09   after after about two years of the

00:09:12   internet my mom came to me sometimes I

00:09:13   want that one point she said if you ever

00:09:17   have another band and decided to name it

00:09:20   something consult with me first and I

00:09:22   said what are you talking about i want

00:09:25   you to have a band named that's

00:09:26   googleable because she apparently spent

00:09:31   a lot of time looking at like Laura

00:09:34   Ingalls Wilder posts all right but it's

00:09:38   a I do remember that tell the tale of

00:09:40   the welders estate approaching you to

00:09:44   get your as Colonel Potter to get your

00:09:46   official okie dokie on using that name

00:09:49   what is gonna match the sub-region

00:09:53   switch which Colonel do you prefer

00:09:55   Colonel Potter Colonel Blake that's a

00:09:58   really good question you don't finish

00:09:59   your anecdote what do I was in the

00:10:01   middle of American I i think that was

00:10:05   some of McLean Stevenson is best work

00:10:07   and what's gonna surprise you

00:10:08   I think McLean Stevenson was on

00:10:10   therefore i think a total of two seasons

00:10:13   maybe they're crazy it feels like it was

00:10:16   about it so it's sort of like with Frank

00:10:18   Burns one trapper trapper

00:10:20   I mean trip was there a little bit

00:10:21   longer well trapper and Henry left i

00:10:24   think at the same time season to season

00:10:27   two so the story i remember reading and

00:10:30   I magazine i remember the specific

00:10:32   phrase was that when Rogers was sick of

00:10:34   quote-unquote being second banana ought

00:10:36   to Alan all he wants to be the first

00:10:38   banana

00:10:39   why would that was like a banana

00:10:41   everything right and can imagine how

00:10:43   bumpy was like even imagine when they

00:10:45   did the Trapper John MD medical drama

00:10:48   anything was gonna call wayne no sorry

00:10:52   Pernell Roberts

00:10:53   but not interested Wayne which banana

00:10:55   was he then the last Nana haha but you

00:11:01   know I gotta say there's something

00:11:03   special about the first couple seasons

00:11:05   of mash because it's more in markets way

00:11:08   less preachy I mean you know it got

00:11:10   toward the end it got really bad and

00:11:12   everything is we don't need it we don't

00:11:13   need to cover the end

00:11:14   well I mean do people know this John did

00:11:16   they did they know that like after about

00:11:18   1979 the entire Korean police action was

00:11:22   I think two years in length

00:11:23   yeah and that show was on TV for I think

00:11:26   about 10 years we have 10 years

00:11:28   yeah yeah but it was always a metaphor

00:11:30   for Vietnam yeah like a romantic lay it

00:11:33   was looking international romana clay

00:11:34   but I i really like Colonel Potter and I

00:11:38   loved his real mo i love everybody's

00:11:39   relationship with radar but Colonel

00:11:41   Potter was was sweet but you know like

00:11:43   you need these things you gotta rock

00:11:44   sand off everybody's edges like the

00:11:46   whole point of Hot Lips in the movie in

00:11:48   early seasons was that she was

00:11:50   insufferable but you can't make me leave

00:11:51   somebody insufferable for 10 seasons you

00:11:53   gotta come little lovable right you know

00:11:55   you gotta bring and then you bring in a

00:11:56   Donald Penobscot you gotta have a

00:11:58   Penobscot forget to pay the electric

00:12:02   bill

00:12:02   ok but i remember the name of colleges

00:12:04   feel will you will you put I gotta have

00:12:07   a Penobscot up on the big board what

00:12:12   he's coming down here he's gonna see the

00:12:14   big board haha hey that's good

00:12:17   thank you gentlemen there's no fighting

00:12:19   in the war room let me let me just say I

00:12:23   think that a my sense of mash and its

00:12:27   legacy is that the last season's colored

00:12:32   it completely for so many people tell ya

00:12:35   that it became you know I hear people

00:12:37   talk about it like people talk about the

00:12:39   Eagles like there was nothing redeemable

00:12:41   about math and I'm like listen man I

00:12:43   watched all 10 seasons of that show it

00:12:46   only became awful i mean it trended

00:12:51   awful for a while but well I mean it's

00:12:54   the problem is like after so you get

00:12:57   into like after burns left and they

00:12:59   bring in Winchester which is a little

00:13:01   bit of a record scratch because part of

00:13:04   what made Larry Linda's camera

00:13:05   the names right burn so interesting was

00:13:09   that he was actually not a good surgeon

00:13:11   it was interesting my friend my friend

00:13:13   john patton I used to debate this all

00:13:15   the time like is Winchester a good

00:13:17   character because you know he's very

00:13:19   dignified they can take the piss out of

00:13:21   him up but he was a very good surgeon

00:13:23   good for me i'm gonna say up until 76 77

00:13:26   78 you know I think they were running

00:13:30   out of brand new ideas so they had to

00:13:32   like keep bringing back

00:13:33   Hawkeye writes a letter to his dad they

00:13:36   had to bring in the like oh let's act

00:13:37   like everybody's being interviewed for

00:13:39   for a documentary or like orphan korean

00:13:42   boy who ends up being a just a

00:13:46   irrepressible scamp gets adopted by the

00:13:49   petitioner run the still

00:13:51   that's right what does not help saying

00:13:52   what's his name it's a check

00:13:55   you know I'm not gonna work thing pong

00:13:56   yeah i was something there was something

00:13:57   low that we would consider let's be

00:14:00   honest you know what we should not let

00:14:02   us consider let's consider the last few

00:14:04   seasons for the purposes of our program

00:14:07   it's non-canonical we'll just we'll just

00:14:09   gonna leave it out from agreed and I you

00:14:11   know and I liked Charles Winchester the

00:14:13   third HR but but you're absolutely right

00:14:16   and i think probably making him a good

00:14:18   surgeon it eliminated for them the very

00:14:22   difficult ongoing difficult problem of

00:14:27   the idea that that there was someone on

00:14:31   the cast that was patching up American

00:14:33   servicemen badly right interesting right

00:14:36   that's a hard thing over time to it's

00:14:40   one it's one thing to have an arch

00:14:42   remark about kind of second-hand remark

00:14:45   about Vietnam it's another thing to say

00:14:46   that our boys are getting good service

00:14:48   yeah right and and as as Alan although

00:14:51   as the as this as the writing got more

00:14:54   histrionic it's hard to take as a as

00:15:00   like slapstick the fact that Frank Burns

00:15:03   is doing a poor job right he's got the

00:15:06   dunning-kruger problem what did you get

00:15:07   Colonel Flagg well you know i love

00:15:11   current flag i look forward to his him

00:15:13   and and and allan arbus Moses character

00:15:16   dr. Sigmund

00:15:18   Sheamus is famous in movies a sigma chi

00:15:21   minh cmas whenever whenever whenever

00:15:23   special episode

00:15:25   those were very special episode getting

00:15:28   to the chicken I'm gonna split for ya

00:15:31   gotta come flag is absolutely right out

00:15:35   of dr strangelove alright so I mean

00:15:38   that's a broad character that's meant to

00:15:40   in the pre cata days like priests age

00:15:43   like what we were learning about the CIA

00:15:45   at the time

00:15:46   yeah yeah he's there to protect us

00:15:48   against having our precious bodily

00:15:50   fluids apt you didn't break his own arm

00:15:52   at one point I do you know who he is

00:15:54   g gordon Liddy oh he's Liddy your money

00:15:57   you know what you getting for the lady

00:15:59   yes yes and that actor was so good he

00:16:02   was so committed i was i was explaining

00:16:05   Watergate the other day

00:16:07   o God who is the lucky recipient

00:16:10   daughter

00:16:12   no no she she's been asking to very

00:16:14   interesting questions lately but she has

00:16:16   not yet gotten to the daddy can use

00:16:19   plain Watergate to me and boy Richard my

00:16:22   continued thoughts haha yeah one day she

00:16:28   will say what you will explain the

00:16:32   Pentagon Papers can i really keep

00:16:34   hearing about this saturday night

00:16:35   Massacre who was at work

00:16:37   um no it was a it was my millennial

00:16:42   girlfriend she wanted to know more about

00:16:44   Watergate and so I gave you know I get

00:16:48   yourself a sandwich get very tight 20

00:16:52   minutes and and and I realized like

00:16:57   Watergate the the like formative moment

00:17:01   for for our entire generation and the

00:17:04   generation that preceded us the thing

00:17:06   that that the crime that gave its name

00:17:09   to a thousand crimes now just seems like

00:17:13   just in the lab its solar it's just in

00:17:16   the last six months now seems like

00:17:18   comically innocent who and and so yeah

00:17:24   it was pretty enjoyable to go over there

00:17:26   it was

00:17:27   and respected so dumb because they were

00:17:29   totally going to win the election

00:17:31   oh no it's dumber than that Merlin they

00:17:33   had won the election Nixon was already

00:17:35   reelected but like so this is seven d3

00:17:41   right anyway I haven't haven't boned up

00:17:44   on Watergate in awhile but left while

00:17:46   you want my hot 20 minutes is a no-no

00:17:53   it's a matter of like here's the thing

00:17:55   you don't hire a shark to be here's the

00:17:57   thing this is the darkness my dr. Phil

00:17:58   ism you don't hire a shark to be your

00:18:01   babysitter because that's not what a

00:18:02   shark is good at and can take the kids

00:18:04   to the park right you did the thing is

00:18:07   this organization that they had put

00:18:09   together was so fucking weird and

00:18:11   paranoid and so hungry for bizarre

00:18:14   behavior that something like this had to

00:18:16   happen and then once it had to happen

00:18:18   then they had to cover it up and then

00:18:19   they had to have all this other should

00:18:21   come out about all the even weirder

00:18:22   stuff that have been going on it's just

00:18:23   that this particular shark had to kill

00:18:25   there's nothing dude I'm saying

00:18:27   sharks have to kill Merlin they do

00:18:29   otherwise they can't swim backwards like

00:18:32   this had something something this dumb

00:18:34   had to happen not because of Nixon but

00:18:37   because of the sick synergy of the

00:18:41   people that he needed around him and

00:18:44   knowing that that malignant combination

00:18:47   of all those terrible broken

00:18:49   personalities me especially like this

00:18:51   Six energy like six sigma it's a synergy

00:18:56   was one of my favorite baseball managers

00:18:58   go cubbies that was not a ring for me

00:19:05   that was a ring for the room

00:19:07   oh that was that was a ring for the

00:19:08   table it's like a pepperoni ok bring

00:19:10   belt I listen

00:19:13   yeah I don't want to talk about time

00:19:15   travel

00:19:16   ok I feel like that do you followed

00:19:19   about you you're not on Twitter anymore

00:19:21   are you

00:19:22   now you know a jason it's gotten so hard

00:19:26   there it's pretty rough there is a

00:19:28   carrier there's a person who inhabits

00:19:30   the character of Richard Nixon on

00:19:32   Twitter and just does it very

00:19:35   successfully so much so that I feel like

00:19:38   I know Nixon and Agnew

00:19:40   a-and I really look forward to his posts

00:19:43   he comments on contemporary affairs with

00:19:46   someone this was kind of like steve jobs

00:19:47   were like you know it's like a fucking

00:19:50   amateur hour look at these guys are

00:19:51   doing right now that's a lot of what

00:19:53   that Nixon persona does is that isn't

00:19:55   exact off just like goals yeah are you

00:19:57   yeah are you serious right now are you

00:19:59   kidding me right now and then most of it

00:20:00   is this is your idea of corruption act

00:20:02   but but it makes me it makes me miss

00:20:06   simpler times

00:20:07   yeah me too get your ford there and then

00:20:12   this guy over here

00:20:13   yeah the soup a very scarring experience

00:20:16   there occasionally I told you wrote a

00:20:19   letter to Gerald Ford told you that

00:20:20   story right yeah okay yeah I think we're

00:20:23   pretty much out of stories at this point

00:20:24   talk about mash who you and me

00:20:26   ya know there's so many good stories to

00:20:29   tell you talk about parenting people

00:20:32   love that I don't even you know there's

00:20:34   so many things I don't know about you

00:20:35   Marlon town good what I what was your

00:20:38   favorite year of high school beyond 490

00:20:42   every year of high school was my

00:20:44   freshman year of college boy that's a

00:20:47   Merlin answer i think the most

00:20:49   interesting and significant one the one

00:20:51   that i romanticize the most is 10th

00:20:53   grade because that was a really

00:20:56   important year were had a lot of firsts

00:20:58   and was a year that in my memory was

00:21:01   filled with so much with so much sadness

00:21:03   and but also so much contradictory stuff

00:21:07   a lot of the a lot of the like the

00:21:09   forces that led up to 10th grade

00:21:11   there's 10th grade is what happened

00:21:13   after 10th grade and 10th grade was it

00:21:15   well as you said crucible that's that's

00:21:17   where a lot of the story got cooked out

00:21:19   but it was super fucking interesting the

00:21:20   stuff that I was incredibly into in

00:21:23   tenth grade whir whir whir disparate and

00:21:26   contradictory in a way that is kind of

00:21:30   amazing to me now so that when you join

00:21:33   the Society of credit Creative

00:21:34   Anachronism know it's a year into

00:21:37   playing D&D but uh now but it was it was

00:21:40   it's funny because my kids nine and

00:21:42   she's growing up real fast and there's

00:21:46   just there's a million things that I

00:21:47   talked about a talk with other like my

00:21:49   friend John Syracuse has daughter about

00:21:50   the same age and has a son about the

00:21:52   same age

00:21:52   and it's really weird we think and this

00:21:54   is not about parenting but it is really

00:21:56   weird how each kid has a handful of

00:22:01   things where they might as well be 60

00:22:03   and a handful of things where they might

00:22:05   as well to you and I i suspect that

00:22:08   changes just by degree over time and so

00:22:12   the tenth grade for me was a big year

00:22:13   for that were like there are so many

00:22:15   ways in which i was closer to being in

00:22:17   sixth grade when I was to being an

00:22:19   eleventh-grade you don't mean I was

00:22:21   still I really was still very much a kid

00:22:23   and still trying to struggling to just

00:22:26   figure shit out so well for me i'm going

00:22:28   to 10th grade because it was really into

00:22:30   the WHO and Ozzy i still like I was kind

00:22:33   of getting over rush i'm still matter

00:22:34   rush about subdivisions but i like the

00:22:36   weird mix of music and culture and I was

00:22:39   still very pliable so that was that was

00:22:42   you know that was the last interesting

00:22:45   year of me being fucked up that's not

00:22:46   true but anyway i'm going to how about

00:22:49   you what's your favorite high school 11

00:22:51   11th grade 10th grade was maybe my well

00:22:55   let's see it's hard to pick a worst year

00:22:57   of high school but but tenth was I mean

00:23:00   exactly as you're saying what was your

00:23:03   birthday

00:23:04   I should like embers I should know this

00:23:06   so when you so you were always I want

00:23:11   this i was always that was always old

00:23:13   yeah right so I was always young and so

00:23:16   it probably were probably talking about

00:23:19   the same year of life right i mean you

00:23:21   were right you we would have been the

00:23:23   same age when I was intense than you

00:23:26   were when you were intent on your lawn

00:23:28   in 1981 so i was born in anyone know

00:23:31   youre points74 tough enough for I can

00:23:34   bestow your 168 what am I saying

00:23:36   74 what are you confused i have a lot of

00:23:38   friends named John uh-huh

00:23:41   I in tenth grade I was like really on

00:23:48   formed and just flailing and it was in

00:23:57   tenth grade that I said it was the

00:23:58   summer after 10th grade that I that I

00:24:00   made my little list on my desk blotter

00:24:03   right i was like this cannot go on you

00:24:07   need to this is we decided to come big

00:24:09   man on campus

00:24:10   yeah you need to step up and so 11th

00:24:12   grade was 11th grade was the one that

00:24:15   was the one full of firsts for me you

00:24:18   know first kiss first moment where

00:24:21   someone or some peer recognized me as

00:24:25   cool in some way you know like a job or

00:24:29   what you know some that was some

00:24:30   acknowledgement some senior said that

00:24:35   was pretty funny Roderick and then you

00:24:37   know spit in my milk or whatever but

00:24:39   still like I've gotten a I was starting

00:24:42   to starting to come into my own and I

00:24:44   could look at myself in the mirror like

00:24:47   it wasn't i wasn't a complete like human

00:24:50   crater so-so 11th grade was it and then

00:24:55   bye-bye 12th grade I had already had

00:24:58   already squandered everything that I had

00:25:00   earned an 11th and 12th grade I just

00:25:03   want I just became an enemy of the

00:25:04   people but the afro for a brief shining

00:25:09   moment there in 11th grade I had it all

00:25:14   I had it all by all you mean you had

00:25:18   more than nothing

00:25:20   well there was a little boy I was on a

00:25:22   trajectory in 11th grade where where I

00:25:26   started off the year with that there was

00:25:29   still a lot of like a residual halo of

00:25:33   loser around me and like there was my

00:25:37   freshman year there was only one picture

00:25:39   of me in the in the yearbook and it was

00:25:42   a picture of me like in a black

00:25:44   sweatshirt covered with dandruff and a

00:25:47   panel like a very very greasy bowl

00:25:50   haircut edge of suffer and Roderick

00:25:53   occasionally for lunch like yeah the

00:25:56   caption didn't even include my name home

00:25:58   now it just said come on it can't be

00:26:01   that bad

00:26:02   that's the only picture Lee in the

00:26:05   freshman in my yearbook restaurants and

00:26:07   I was flipping through the book and it's

00:26:09   like somehow my normal picture didn't

00:26:10   make it in there I wasn't in any clubs

00:26:13   it was just this like it's just this

00:26:15   picture like

00:26:16   the chick it should have said definition

00:26:19   freshman

00:26:20   oh and then 10th grade like I was in a

00:26:24   lot of i was i was involved and stuff i

00:26:27   was getting into it but I was like you

00:26:29   like you're saying still six years old

00:26:31   and I was the kid that like if if if two

00:26:35   juniors were sitting on the couch at

00:26:37   lunch

00:26:38   kissing each other I would walk by and

00:26:40   go mm you know just didn't understand

00:26:44   how to play it cool right

00:26:46   but by so junior year when i first

00:26:49   started there was a little bit of like

00:26:51   there was quite a bit of uncool still

00:26:54   stuck to me but i had i but I really

00:26:57   cleaned up my act and all of a sudden I

00:27:01   was what was i got elected to the

00:27:03   Student Congress wow I was arts and

00:27:08   culture editor of the school newspaper

00:27:10   this all happened in the end of the

00:27:12   beginning of junior year I must've been

00:27:16   stuff you would not have even imagined

00:27:17   here well but I wrote big man on campus

00:27:19   on that desk blotter being on campus

00:27:21   bmoc p.m. on that does blood and I was

00:27:24   circled it and I was like I don't even

00:27:26   know what that means but my dad says

00:27:28   this all the time

00:27:29   uh-huh and I'm gonna figure out what it

00:27:30   means and it's gonna be me I had a

00:27:33   girlfriend that didn't happen until

00:27:35   after new years but even I was like I

00:27:39   was talking to girls and they were

00:27:43   absolutely telling me to go away but

00:27:46   they were told me to go away with a

00:27:49   giggle you know instead of with like a

00:27:51   look of horror and what else oh and so I

00:27:56   was writing for the school newspaper so

00:27:57   people would come up to me and say like

00:27:59   I really liked your article which

00:28:00   shocked and amazed me and soullow you

00:28:05   know I had a car all of a sudden Josh

00:28:08   you know like it seemed and I was a

00:28:10   member i was a member of my little gang

00:28:13   there was a gang formed and I was a man

00:28:16   i was a bona fide member of it not not a

00:28:19   tag-along that's a tremendous amount of

00:28:22   progress

00:28:23   well it goes incredible I was like look

00:28:25   at me I mean I my hair wasn't greasy

00:28:27   anymore

00:28:28   I was a i cobbled together a wardrobe of

00:28:33   crewneck sweaters and have you done your

00:28:36   whiteout jacket yet

00:28:38   oh that see that was the the jacket was

00:28:42   senior year where where I lost the plot

00:28:45   OIC oh so this year was a little bit of

00:28:47   an outlier

00:28:48   yeah because up because it in freshman

00:28:51   and sophomore year I was the guy with

00:28:53   the two alligators humping on his jean

00:28:55   jacket and in senior year I had a

00:28:58   floor-length duster trench coat with a

00:29:01   whiteout skull and crossbones on the

00:29:02   back it was just junior year when I was

00:29:06   not I wasn't like fucking up at all i

00:29:10   just had all I had on a crewneck sweater

00:29:13   and a button-down shirt and top-siders

00:29:16   and i was writing for the school

00:29:18   newspaper and I had a girlfriend like

00:29:20   you see the political it's this like

00:29:23   yeah it seems like it seemed like from

00:29:25   there anything could happen i could go

00:29:28   to college this is so great that uses

00:29:29   that phrase I fucking hate which is a

00:29:31   someone I've really arrived I've always

00:29:34   really dislike that for not always but

00:29:36   I've come to really dislike that i'm

00:29:38   always thinking like yeah you've arrived

00:29:39   but how do you know how long it will be

00:29:41   in until you're asked to leave

00:29:43   yeah that's right could you stop

00:29:44   arriving now could you go arrive

00:29:46   somewhere else

00:29:47   goal yeah arrive arrive elsewhere

00:29:49   arrived at the exit

00:29:51   yeah bye-bye senior year I was my hair

00:29:56   was greasy again your Cinderella it was

00:30:00   yeah that's right my by a carriage turn

00:30:03   back into a pumpkin but by senior

00:30:07   because it because in some sophomore

00:30:09   year I was still I don't know somewhat

00:30:12   pubescent right i mean i was not I

00:30:15   wasn't pretty to look at and then senior

00:30:19   year I was not present anymore i was

00:30:23   just like a gross 17 years the grotesque

00:30:27   curry

00:30:28   I mean I was I was it was it was awful i

00:30:30   was i mean i'm walking to think about it

00:30:32   i'm a member of the trench coat mafia

00:30:34   yeah i was the family remember the

00:30:37   church that's right there was nobody

00:30:39   else in it

00:30:40   so i don't know i look back at junior

00:30:44   year

00:30:45   the thing is there were a couple of

00:30:46   those right my the the first year after

00:30:49   I quit drinking

00:30:50   the first time I quit drinking I got

00:30:54   myself into the University of Washington

00:30:56   I grunge was happening all around us

00:31:00   here in Seattle and I went straight and

00:31:05   i cut my hair and I shaved off my

00:31:07   scraggly beard and i put on my crew neck

00:31:13   sweaters again and went to the

00:31:16   University of Washington and I was so

00:31:17   proud of myself because that was my

00:31:19   dad's college and I'd gotten in

00:31:22   I've gotten into the big school and I

00:31:26   want and I am having having already been

00:31:30   grunge for several years and now really

00:31:34   cleaned up my act of her walking around

00:31:36   the campus and seeing all the like

00:31:38   students who were wearing grunge close

00:31:44   and like practicing grunge as a

00:31:48   lifestyle choice i was very contemptuous

00:31:51   of them because i looked like i was i

00:31:54   was really coming across very ll being

00:31:57   but but I you know I've been in the shit

00:32:02   yeah sure

00:32:04   and there was this real pulling me like

00:32:09   at that point it was a pole like which

00:32:11   way is my life going to go am I gonna go

00:32:14   straight am I gonna be am I going to be

00:32:17   successful am I gonna go to my uncle and

00:32:19   asking for a job am I gonna be a u.s.

00:32:22   senator am I going to be up you know

00:32:24   grown-up person and I held i held the

00:32:31   till you know like a ship was going into

00:32:34   rough waters and I was i I was catching

00:32:39   the wind and I just couldn't hold it

00:32:42   I couldn't hold the there wasn't

00:32:45   anything in it that I could find that

00:32:48   worked for me you know i come how much

00:32:50   of it do you think the the successful

00:32:53   kind of stuff this wonderful word latin

00:32:56   phrase I don't even know how to

00:32:57   pronounce and anas anas miraculous

00:33:00   healing right your miracle year now

00:33:03   you've had a wonderful the miracle yet

00:33:04   miracle year for your particular anise

00:33:08   like do you how much of that do you

00:33:10   think was not taking away how much of it

00:33:14   do you think was dumb luck

00:33:15   how much much of it do you think was

00:33:16   like you successfully formulated the

00:33:19   right potion for potions to have this

00:33:22   this school year academic year mostly go

00:33:25   well how much you think you got lucky

00:33:27   I mean because it seems like that plays

00:33:29   into it you have you might have just

00:33:31   gotten Delta flush and didn't know do

00:33:33   you mean junior year or so junior

00:33:35   particular is junior here's the thing

00:33:36   here's the one of the fuckin problems in

00:33:38   this country in this world if I may say

00:33:40   is that we instruct young people to see

00:33:44   life as a series of arrivals that mostly

00:33:46   get better and better at least in the

00:33:47   prion the area before the millenniums

00:33:49   like I think that's really think okay

00:33:51   eventually you're gonna be old enough to

00:33:53   walk to school

00:33:54   bring a little bit older you get to go

00:33:56   to an r-rated movie you know you can

00:33:58   drive you can eat good collagen you know

00:34:00   it's a series of arrivals and you know i

00:34:03   don't think people or are naturally as

00:34:05   prepared for the idea that those

00:34:07   arrivals are not a guarantee of any kind

00:34:10   of success it's it's an indication of

00:34:11   not abject failure but like you can

00:34:13   expect some serious downs alongside the

00:34:16   occasional up for sure and I think what

00:34:21   I think my junior year is much more a

00:34:24   result of

00:34:27   what

00:34:30   from the time that I first started going

00:34:32   to see Jim Lindeman my family counselor

00:34:35   and I've told you that story where we

00:34:39   went as a family soon as i remember his

00:34:44   idea was your mother

00:34:46   uh my mom and my dad were trying to

00:34:48   figure out yeah like how how we're going

00:34:51   to solve our family dynamic and the four

00:34:54   of us my mom my sister my dad and I all

00:34:56   went to this family counselor and after

00:34:59   a couple of months of going my sister

00:35:03   who was pretty young to be this aware

00:35:07   choose maybe maybe 11 somebody spoke to

00:35:15   her in the room finally and she said

00:35:19   I've been sitting in this family

00:35:23   counseling for two or three months and

00:35:26   no one has ever asked me a question or

00:35:28   said a word to me so obviously whatever

00:35:32   the problem is in this family it isn't

00:35:34   mine and I don't want to go anymore to

00:35:36   this and everybody i think was

00:35:38   embarrassed by this because that was the

00:35:42   the else in the room with you

00:35:44   oh for sure and and and so and the idea

00:35:48   being that that our family dynamic was

00:35:54   was a problem nobody believed that that

00:36:00   included them

00:36:03   right like yeah and so then it was my

00:36:06   mom and my dad and me going to family

00:36:09   counseling for a while

00:36:13   your dad was game for that oh yeah he

00:36:16   was a my dad was really into psychology

00:36:18   and he my dad and my mom had in the

00:36:25   nineteen fifties I mean my dad had been

00:36:27   seeing a a psychiatrist like a union

00:36:30   psychiatrist in this in the fifties my

00:36:34   mom and my dad signed up for LSD trials

00:36:36   what in 59 my god and didn't do them for

00:36:45   some reason but you know they were very

00:36:47   curious about that stuff like a very

00:36:49   exploratory anyway so we're sitting in

00:36:53   family counseling everybody's yelling at

00:36:55   each other about what a problem i am and

00:36:58   a certain point my mom's stood up and

00:37:01   said obviously david and john have a lot

00:37:05   to work out and I don't it's not a very

00:37:09   good use of my time to be in here

00:37:11   listening to those two bicker and argue

00:37:15   about what is obviously they're broken

00:37:19   probably in a broken relationship so I'm

00:37:22   not going to come to this anymore until

00:37:24   some progress has been made and then

00:37:26   there were two and then there were two

00:37:27   me and my dad my dad and I continue to

00:37:30   go CJ lindemann for another couple of

00:37:35   months and then my dad said hey I can't

00:37:41   make it no way i've got a big meeting in

00:37:46   washington DC i'll see you next week and

00:37:49   then never came again it was essentially

00:37:52   just check it and no because I kept

00:37:56   going ok so jam the family counselor and

00:38:00   I continue to see each other for three

00:38:03   years did the chanting of the mantle of

00:38:05   yelling at you know general yelled at me

00:38:07   up but Jan also was a family counselor

00:38:12   or something like Jen never read

00:38:14   realized there was never an

00:38:16   acknowledgement that I was a teenage boy

00:38:17   and I think it's some special help

00:38:19   like like when I would say anything

00:38:23   about a girl like I you know I love this

00:38:26   girl or I have these I'm sort of having

00:38:29   this problem with this girl can we

00:38:31   change the subject

00:38:32   she did not want to give me relationship

00:38:33   advice oh that wasn't that wasn't

00:38:35   covered by chance expertise i guess not

00:38:38   or something I mean I'm still confused

00:38:39   about it but when i was 13 14 years old

00:38:42   that's all

00:38:43   15 that's all i wanted to talk about are

00:38:44   you kidding me but but it always

00:38:46   deflected we didn't that wasn't a thing

00:38:50   we're going to we're gonna see ask but

00:38:55   all of that that whole process really

00:38:58   confirmed in me the understanding that a

00:39:02   everyone in my family thought I was the

00:39:04   problem be Jan didn't disagree that has

00:39:08   the problems and uh and i had i was

00:39:12   already convinced that was the problem

00:39:13   personally so going into 11th grade i

00:39:20   have this huge like shockwave right

00:39:23   behind me of not just like a feeling but

00:39:29   also i've been given the language to

00:39:32   describe and had the had like the power

00:39:36   of conviction of a whole group of people

00:39:37   an army marching behind me that all

00:39:40   agreed that I self-sabotage that i got

00:39:46   in the way of my own self

00:39:48   I intentionally took steps to impede my

00:39:54   success

00:39:55   this was a this was a widely held belief

00:40:00   in my clan that all I needed to do this

00:40:04   is the other and even as I say them I i

00:40:06   can put myself back in those Marv and

00:40:11   taupe colored rooms with ferns all

00:40:14   around us and hear this idea promulgated

00:40:19   that all I needed to do was just do

00:40:24   the thing that needed to be done I

00:40:27   didn't need to do the other things that

00:40:29   I did which was examined the logic of

00:40:32   the thing that was being asked of me I

00:40:34   didn't need to make the if somebody said

00:40:38   draw this in two colors I didn't need to

00:40:40   draw in 14 colors to show them I was

00:40:43   better it could be i didn't need to you

00:40:47   know I didn't need to argue with the

00:40:48   premise I didn't need to

00:40:50   it didn't need to write in the margins I

00:40:54   didn't need to tell the teacher that her

00:40:55   question wasn't relevant I did you all

00:40:57   these things I just needed to get out of

00:40:59   the way and just do the thing and the

00:41:02   thing seems so simple to everyone else

00:41:05   who if I could just do the simple things

00:41:07   why couldn't he just do the simple thing

00:41:09   and i couldn't i never could do the

00:41:14   simple thing I didn't I i was so I mean

00:41:17   half the time at least just so offended

00:41:19   by the device

00:41:21   yeah just so offended by how could any

00:41:24   of you do this but going into 11th grade

00:41:27   i said i looked at that BMOC written on

00:41:31   the on the blotter

00:41:32   uh-huh and I was like what do you do how

00:41:34   do you how do you get to BMOC you know

00:41:38   right now I'm LLC and what do you what's

00:41:45   the transition and so I got started

00:41:48   trying to do this thing you know get out

00:41:51   of the way like don't if you if you

00:41:53   finally managed to get a shirt with a

00:41:55   crocodile on it don't so another

00:41:57   crocodile on it now it's just you just

00:42:01   leave it

00:42:01   that's right that just seems like you're

00:42:04   just antagonizing people and you know

00:42:06   like you can have the crocodile and

00:42:08   disbelieve it you can have the crocodile

00:42:10   and imagine another crocodile on it

00:42:12   ok just don't know just don't go that

00:42:16   extra step and almost you need to be a

00:42:18   better editor of your behavior

00:42:20   yeah yeah and-and-and it was because

00:42:22   what did I want haha

00:42:26   haha imagine you no no no don't even

00:42:32   think Aaron t I was 10

00:42:36   it was really important to look look

00:42:38   listen I Prince Valiant punks

00:42:41   nope I what I wanted was to get kissed

00:42:46   I wanted to kiss i want to kiss i wanted

00:42:49   to kill somebody I want to be

00:42:51   did you also want to be special well I

00:42:54   mean I'm putting a fruity way

00:42:56   ok I'll only put in more punk rock way

00:42:57   didn't you want to not be just another

00:42:59   fucking drone that was not I i realized

00:43:02   i think at that point that was no longer

00:43:04   a risk I was never going to be I was

00:43:10   never gonna buy it hook line and sinker

00:43:11   I was not

00:43:12   I what I wasn't mentally or emotionally

00:43:14   vulnerable in that way that I couldn't

00:43:18   conform because it was not in my heart

00:43:22   but I could but I could like start to

00:43:27   recognize what we're to make my stand

00:43:31   right to pick my battles who fight the

00:43:33   real fight

00:43:34   don't you know don't sit and and lose

00:43:39   that Lake lose the bat lose the initial

00:43:42   battle of even getting your foot in the

00:43:44   door because you show up wearing a

00:43:46   double-knit suit that you got at the

00:43:48   goodwill for at all you're getting in

00:43:49   your own way

00:43:50   ya like like I have free for the first

00:43:54   couple years of high school I have this

00:43:55   I had planted my feet somewhere on the

00:43:58   topic of Levi's thing that we've

00:44:00   discussed at length I wasn't gonna wear

00:44:03   Levi's Levi's were trendy and i didn't

00:44:08   know i was i was dumb I didn't know

00:44:10   enough about anything but at that point

00:44:13   in time you know super tight Levi's that

00:44:15   had been ironed you know like people

00:44:17   ironing their Levi's like I i did not i

00:44:20   was going to wear Levi's I was only

00:44:21   gonna wear like army pants and stuff and

00:44:24   in 11th grade I said you know what

00:44:26   whatever that was

00:44:28   you spent two years fighting levis and

00:44:30   what do you have to show for it

00:44:31   levi's still exists all you have to show

00:44:35   for it is that everyone in the school is

00:44:38   wearing Levi's except you

00:44:40   and no one cares like you haven't want

00:44:43   anybody over to your where think way of

00:44:44   thinking right no you haven't cooked

00:44:46   collected a group of like a new army all

00:44:49   wearing army pants and so I was like

00:44:52   advice

00:44:53   fine you know like i did i did some of

00:44:55   that so in answer to your question like

00:44:57   what did I have a string of good luck I

00:45:00   might have that was right when i had my

00:45:02   growth spurt so all of a sudden I was

00:45:04   tall and that it couldn't have hurt sooo

00:45:07   and my sense of humor had come in the

00:45:12   same way that your mustache comes in

00:45:14   although my mustache had not come in but

00:45:16   my sense of humor had come in if you

00:45:20   know right now you know that's good way

00:45:22   to put it

00:45:23   yeah I was no longer like huh Chris yeah

00:45:27   there's an atom bomb in your shoe

00:45:31   you know I was I wasn't quoting a like

00:45:35   stripes or Monty Python right anymore i

00:45:39   was able to sit and and kind of like

00:45:41   toss off little little quips that were

00:45:44   fairly biting and that was the that

00:45:48   scene i recounted earlier where a senior

00:45:50   said it was pretty good one that was

00:45:53   actual event a guy named his name was

00:45:58   John I'm with the fuck was his name is

00:46:04   he was a senior to my junior and I had

00:46:05   always admired him he was the he kind of

00:46:09   had a pockmarked face I mean he wasn't

00:46:10   like beautiful but he was the real the

00:46:14   real cut-up of the greatest enemy he was

00:46:18   the bill murray who and oh I i really

00:46:21   wanted his approval and one day stand in

00:46:26   a group of people I you know I pulled

00:46:29   out my my verbal derringer and hit

00:46:33   somebody in the gun belt and what the

00:46:35   fuck was his name John somebody-or-other

00:46:38   welcome here

00:46:40   he he he kinda like took a little bit of

00:46:42   a little head check and was like huh i

00:46:45   was pretty good you know and and it was

00:46:49   it didn't feel like a like I'm kind of

00:46:52   doing it in like it

00:46:53   coach voice like hey nice job kid and

00:46:56   then a little hand mussing the hair

00:46:57   uh-huh

00:46:58   it wasn't like that it was like huh

00:47:00   pretty good and then immediately he was

00:47:03   like now I'm going to war with you

00:47:05   because you have just demonstrated that

00:47:08   you are the new threat to me and now

00:47:13   you're you know you want to you want to

00:47:15   play with the big dogs so it was it was

00:47:17   a it was a tense moment but a great

00:47:21   moment for me to have gotten his

00:47:22   attention and then I did then we did go

00:47:24   to war and eventually i prevailed

00:47:27   huh well interesting because my sense of

00:47:29   humor came in hard when it came in

00:47:33   it all came in at once like a big

00:47:36   mustache did it was just like hope and

00:47:40   hope is that you guys seen John but I

00:47:43   well yeah because I just had grown a

00:47:45   foot in height and you know i had gone

00:47:48   from being kind of put picked upon and

00:47:51   you know pushed around and like hey hey

00:47:56   John drink this type of treatment to a

00:48:00   like but just just really quickly like

00:48:04   nobody can get the better of me at least

00:48:06   him in the didn't like the teenage way

00:48:10   Wow hey John drink this oh you mean is

00:48:13   that your mom you know like whatever

00:48:18   when you're 16 years old like those that

00:48:20   your mom and a cup and you know and it's

00:48:22   just like you can say to that is that

00:48:25   response to something like that i do is

00:48:27   hang your head and go fucking bang your

00:48:29   head on the locker because you just got

00:48:30   schooled by your mom and a cup

00:48:33   yes it's your first visit your first day

00:48:37   yeah I had a friend tell me many years

00:48:39   later he was like you were never you've

00:48:41   never been as funny as you were in 11th

00:48:43   grade

00:48:43   oh god that's horrible to hear ya but

00:48:47   he's an idiot so yeah what he meant was

00:48:50   just that I was I mean because when my

00:48:52   sense of humor came and I was also very

00:48:54   i had been i had been abused and so I

00:48:58   was pretty vicious here Carrie yeah

00:49:01   right yeah didn't ask for it but you

00:49:04   shut up and you gotta power

00:49:06   yeah I gotta power all of a sudden and

00:49:07   now there's going to be a reordering so

00:49:10   i know i have never been as bad as i was

00:49:12   an eleventh-grade being a nice teacher

00:49:14   is going to save you

00:49:15   mmm tell you what when did your sense of

00:49:18   humor come in

00:49:20   well it's the sense of humor at ets my

00:49:24   own phrase now um I mean I had a way of

00:49:27   like blurting out lots of stuff but I

00:49:28   was always a terrible editor

00:49:30   wait a minute while I came to embrace it

00:49:33   later but you know i'm going to reject

00:49:37   this line of questioning because your

00:49:39   laughing not a good but now i'm laughing

00:49:42   in the best possible way sense of humor

00:49:46   can I mean you know you're gay so like

00:49:47   there's there's like I'm not to dissect

00:49:49   this too much but there's the like you

00:49:51   develop a personal sense of what's funny

00:49:53   in the world you develop the ability to

00:49:56   say things that make people laugh as

00:49:58   against the the true meaning which is

00:50:00   like you you see the tragedy of life and

00:50:04   how it plays out in ways that can be

00:50:05   funny right

00:50:06   I don't think I got the last one I mean

00:50:09   not still so I have it but i don't know

00:50:11   i got funny things I would like to

00:50:14   imagine in my head that I was bullied i

00:50:15   was very lightly bullied

00:50:18   I mean I was bullied the way every kid

00:50:19   was bullied that that's something these

00:50:21   kids they don't understand is that

00:50:22   everybody lived in fear at a certain

00:50:24   point it's true

00:50:25   um I mostly from emotional i mean the

00:50:29   teachers everybody like it was just

00:50:30   awful it was just awful to be a kid at a

00:50:32   certain point but on and I i suspect

00:50:34   like a lot of people who regard

00:50:36   themselves correctly or not as funny for

00:50:38   me that was a kind of defensive thing

00:50:40   and I think it the the kind of like John

00:50:44   Rother Kim you're describing their that

00:50:46   started probably in 8th or 9th grade

00:50:48   mhm because the thing is it's like her

00:50:50   more first moved to San Francisco so

00:50:52   spend a lot of time sitting in my friend

00:50:54   Michaels place and I said to park my

00:50:56   rental car at like McAllister and and

00:50:59   fillmore which is looking very very

00:51:03   doing donuts shooting guns sort of

00:51:05   intersection over by the fillmore i mean

00:51:07   it's it's pretty rough I mean there will

00:51:09   be lots of gunshots in the night and and

00:51:11   this is probably just ignorance but i

00:51:12   would always remember thinking I would

00:51:14   park and I would walk past lots of

00:51:16   people

00:51:17   that if I had any sense I'd probably be

00:51:18   scared of but I always felt like a

00:51:20   non-combatant I always felt like I had a

00:51:23   white cross on my head a little bit or

00:51:25   that like I was like an npc I was not

00:51:27   really in this particular game of the ND

00:51:29   an example ensure they would have

00:51:30   treasured but I was like I was not like

00:51:33   but you know if it was exactly the same

00:51:34   person but black i think i might have

00:51:35   gotten more hassle and I think in eighth

00:51:38   grade I was I'd like you maybe I did not

00:51:40   register very much with people i was

00:51:42   just just another dork

00:51:44   yeah and then 9th grade was the

00:51:46   beginning of kind of starting to feel

00:51:47   those oats a little bit more and in some

00:51:50   ways like when you are really just an

00:51:52   anonymous dork i might be getting this

00:51:54   wrong but I think when you're just

00:51:55   anonymous torque you're not really as

00:51:57   exposed you know you if your profile

00:52:00   goes up a little bit that's when you get

00:52:02   exposed and that's when you run into

00:52:03   like more concentrated trouble from

00:52:05   people

00:52:06   that's right that's exactly right but I

00:52:07   like I've still never been in a fight in

00:52:09   my entire life

00:52:10   I don't want to start well you know I i

00:52:12   I've been in a couple of fights I've

00:52:14   made my first but I've heard you made

00:52:17   you need a it's a religious very

00:52:19   uncomfortable a couple years ago talking

00:52:21   about one of these incidents

00:52:22   haha you know I don't like to make our

00:52:24   listeners uncomfortable i want to i want

00:52:26   them to feel bathed yeah in a in a warm

00:52:29   chalice by you need like your favorite

00:52:31   uncle you look forward to seeing every

00:52:33   year in anything talks by Hitler for two

00:52:34   hours

00:52:34   I'm coming their heads and and you're

00:52:37   just pouring like pointment on there

00:52:39   there

00:52:40   yeah now however I never thought to be

00:52:43   honest I I think I don't think I even

00:52:47   ever experienced that much physical

00:52:50   friction it was much more emotional and

00:52:53   a lot of it was visited upon myself a

00:52:55   lot of it was there's no fucking way

00:52:56   anybody is going to see my dick in this

00:52:59   locker room also not saying don't just

00:53:03   the showers no thang that was one of the

00:53:05   most like debilitating i'm just being

00:53:08   straight up here like shower down again

00:53:10   and here like sharjah Wow shower down

00:53:14   all right

00:53:15   yeah that's right i forgot about that

00:53:17   but the you know in Buddhism to call the

00:53:21   second arrow is the area you get shot

00:53:23   with and there's the area shooting

00:53:24   yourself and for me like a lot of the

00:53:27   things that I dreaded the most certainly

00:53:28   there were things like I

00:53:30   I'm about to get bullied by this guy and

00:53:32   I really don't want to walk by where I

00:53:33   know he's gonna be and that's the thing

00:53:35   you think about all fucking day but then

00:53:37   was also like I'm just dreading third

00:53:39   period

00:53:40   I just the entire thing of having to see

00:53:42   the naked people having to like you know

00:53:46   you can make people be but it was I was

00:53:48   it's just a weird thing that can make it

00:53:50   anywhere i don't care but like back then

00:53:52   I was just I was terrified of that and

00:53:56   that's kind of thing I mean let's say

00:53:57   what you will what that says about me

00:53:58   but I just think about that all the time

00:54:00   around

00:54:01   yeah well right i got i took addy in gym

00:54:05   rather than get in the shower

00:54:07   barek it's barbaric our showers were

00:54:09   like a big not big I mean they were like

00:54:12   a hexagon the size of a walk-up phone

00:54:14   booth and there would be just likes and

00:54:16   I mean things to be honest I don't think

00:54:17   this is this is not the apparent home of

00:54:21   hate that word it's so abuse it's not

00:54:25   that I was worried about being gay

00:54:27   it was I was worried about having a tiny

00:54:29   tiny dick and no body hair and I was

00:54:32   worried more I was less of the obviously

00:54:34   today the millenniums are gonna hit and

00:54:35   go oh well obviously you had the nice

00:54:37   and homophobia of the nineteen eighties

00:54:38   no it was not it was that I was really

00:54:42   underdeveloped even it is especially in

00:54:44   my own eyes I think I was probably

00:54:45   pretty normal but like boy was that ever

00:54:48   something I did not want anybody else to

00:54:50   see

00:54:50   for me it was i was fat ah you know I

00:54:54   was eighth grade yeah I had I have a gut

00:54:57   I was Joey I was I had lots of baby fat

00:55:00   well then that was another guys there's

00:55:02   other guys that look like Roger Starbuck

00:55:03   it's like this is not fair

00:55:05   this guy's already balding he's got hair

00:55:07   everywhere yeah yeah that's not fair and

00:55:10   just the I mean I when I look it's the

00:55:12   classic thing right you look back at

00:55:14   pictures of yourself and like what I

00:55:16   look great what was I so worried about

00:55:17   look fine i don't look broken by life

00:55:19   yet

00:55:20   yeah but I was you know I was very

00:55:22   worried that I was chubby it didn't even

00:55:25   occur to me i think i think it didn't

00:55:29   occur to me that penises had different

00:55:31   sizes for a long time

00:55:34   yeah because when someone was naked

00:55:36   around me i averted my eyes

00:55:38   so immediately that I had you know I've

00:55:40   been in locker rooms I've never seen a

00:55:42   penis you're embarrassed for every

00:55:43   aspect of what's happening but just

00:55:45   obviously some guys that are much more

00:55:46   into it than others

00:55:48   well Jon Beason with the guys who got

00:55:50   like the guys are used to being naked

00:55:52   and who have like tons of secondary hair

00:55:54   because they've been through puberty

00:55:56   they're walking around cock-of-the-walk

00:55:58   well i think that the computer sports

00:56:00   person and you're physically capable on

00:56:02   the sports field

00:56:04   yeah you carry with you a kind of body

00:56:07   comfortability of like a fucking easter

00:56:10   parade for you

00:56:11   this is this is the room you're in all

00:56:12   the time you understand how things work

00:56:14   in this room and your kind of the

00:56:16   defacto like prime minister of nakedness

00:56:19   yeah if you if you can throw football

00:56:20   the way down the field who cares whether

00:56:22   you have a gun or not yeah because this

00:56:24   is your yeah right you're right they

00:56:26   don't look scared whereas I I looked I I

00:56:30   probably smelled scared yeah I was it

00:56:32   scared yeah yeah well and I think again

00:56:35   back to that transition into 11th grade

00:56:37   like I had already ninth-grade tenth

00:56:41   grade I had made my world with the nerds

00:56:44   like the the kids that sat at the edge

00:56:48   of the lunchroom the D&D years the the

00:56:51   Monty Python errs like I was I'd made my

00:56:55   bones with them and but it was in there

00:57:00   in that circle that I felt I felt going

00:57:07   into 11th grade like is this is this me

00:57:10   am I going to hide out here in this am I

00:57:14   gonna hide out in the corner of the

00:57:15   lunch right are you staying overnight or

00:57:17   is it going to be like where you live

00:57:18   now right

00:57:19   mi is this me now am i throwing dice the

00:57:21   rest of my life and I remember that

00:57:22   feeling yeah because this isn't me like

00:57:25   I'm over here because I feel safe here

00:57:27   and accepted here but i i'm i'm not i'm

00:57:32   not going to double i mean i remember

00:57:33   sitting with a friend and he was taking

00:57:36   metalworking classes and he was very

00:57:39   very excited about being able to use the

00:57:42   forge

00:57:43   because and then he opened his notebook

00:57:47   and here were very very detailed

00:57:49   drawings of the broadsword that he was

00:57:51   going to forge Wow and I was both

00:57:57   intrigued by like whoa you're going to

00:58:01   forge a broadsword that's pretty badass

00:58:03   like tell me more

00:58:05   but also a recognition that up at

00:58:09   forging a broadsword does not bode well

00:58:11   it just in that a broadsword is not a

00:58:16   useful implement now we don't use them a

00:58:19   lot and 221 in that way but not as a

00:58:24   like I I'm gonna buy one and put it on

00:58:27   the wall but like I am going to forge

00:58:28   one in the furnace of Mordor

00:58:33   yeah it was i I mean believe me I lived

00:58:36   in that fantasy place a lot walking home

00:58:39   from school imagining that I was being

00:58:40   gifted magic power is conjuring in orbit

00:58:43   I was conjuring orbs right and left but

00:58:45   i also saw that contemporaneous with us

00:58:49   there were people who were preparing for

00:58:52   a life in the world or even I mean yes

00:58:56   but also just even like trying to buy

00:58:58   beer like there overnight stay was years

00:59:01   ahead of ours that whatever whatever

00:59:03   dumb shit they were doing with vandalism

00:59:04   or like you know you don't mean but

00:59:07   there were like these levels of like the

00:59:09   dumb way stations the truck scales you

00:59:11   have to go through to get to the next

00:59:12   thing and like even though you might

00:59:14   recognize that as like this is dumb kid

00:59:16   behavior you're still doing like really

00:59:17   younger dumb kid behavior or four-door

00:59:21   dorkier well yeah I mean yeah I was

00:59:23   playing with GI Joes in the bathtub

00:59:24   while people not maybe my own age but my

00:59:28   own grade certainly were actually like

00:59:32   having sex with each other not just

00:59:33   making out and going to second base and

00:59:35   lightest they hadn't they were all the

00:59:38   way

00:59:38   HM move in on and i was like wow

00:59:45   depends on fire about time being in the

00:59:47   shit i was fucking deep in the shit and

00:59:50   so it was it was connect conscious

00:59:53   decision to

00:59:55   go out of where I felt comfortable and

00:59:57   safe in a place where

00:59:57   safe in a place where

01:00:00   you know i was able to live i was able

01:00:03   to be comfortably in fantasy and move

01:00:06   into this terrible terrible world where

01:00:08   people were going to where people off

01:00:11   like a big part of of how that world

01:00:14   discriminates is by starting with the

01:00:17   premise that they don't want you like

01:00:20   you're somebody like me who was not like

01:00:26   as a hero yet

01:00:28   well there's there's there's better and

01:00:32   more interesting people than you who are

01:00:35   welcome

01:00:36   that's the right thing here isn't it

01:00:38   isn't a 0 or a 1 I mean there are there

01:00:40   a lot of people there were a lot cooler

01:00:41   than you that we're still not going to

01:00:43   make it still not going to make it and

01:00:44   you know you're really screwed

01:00:46   so how did I achieve how did how did how

01:00:49   did I achieve enough velocity not only

01:00:52   to penetrate but of course I was not

01:00:54   once i was headed that way I wasn't

01:00:55   going to be content until I was in the

01:00:57   center because you're gonna be the BMC

01:00:59   water that's right that BMOC is not like

01:01:03   big assistant man on campus

01:01:06   mm it's not big sidekick on campus I

01:01:09   wasn't gonna be somebody else's sidekick

01:01:11   you working on second banana I wasn't

01:01:13   gonna be second but you know what all do

01:01:15   you give me the first banana that's

01:01:16   right i'm going to write and direct this

01:01:18   episode booth and it's going to be about

01:01:20   me saving a little Korean boy named top

01:01:22   hat birds is trying to read in the Bible

01:01:30   anything is that that's kind of true now

01:01:34   to you know like I'm I'm adjacent to

01:01:37   this world of Hollywood comedy actors /

01:01:45   and in the same way that you for a long

01:01:49   time have been adjacent to Silicon

01:01:51   Valley and you know I look at that world

01:01:56   all the time down in Hollywood a lot now

01:01:58   and I'm sitting around in a cafe and I'm

01:02:01   looking around the room like

01:02:02   why do I hate everyone in this cafe oh

01:02:05   they're all working on the screenplay

01:02:07   like everyone in here is either meeting

01:02:10   with someone that they hope will option

01:02:13   there screenplay or you know they're all

01:02:15   working they're all like just striving

01:02:18   yeah to do a thing that they you can

01:02:21   almost just look around and say like Oh

01:02:23   clearly this isn't gonna pan out for you

01:02:25   but there's a version of where i am now

01:02:29   that feels like I'm I've been safe in my

01:02:34   in this place that I built for myself

01:02:36   but am i prepared to go down to

01:02:42   California and you know and cold call

01:02:45   joel mchale they say hey don't you know

01:02:48   and you just you you're embarrassed at

01:02:51   the prospect of it like hey Joel I'm in

01:02:54   town I don't really have any good ideas

01:02:55   but I was hoping that I could like ride

01:02:58   on your coattails call me back

01:03:01   there's so so many of those calls and

01:03:05   emails I don't make where the thought

01:03:06   goes through my head and I'm just like

01:03:08   wait stop this turns out great how ya

01:03:13   around for like you know I mean I'm

01:03:15   acquainted with Chris Hardwick

01:03:17   I'm i'm not super good friends with

01:03:19   crisp but like and this is from a time

01:03:22   when you know maybe I was more famously

01:03:25   with less famous but we were acquainted

01:03:28   yeah we talked about things and you know

01:03:29   and play at the idea of doing things

01:03:32   didn't think sometimes and like thing as

01:03:35   time passed and like he's got like you

01:03:38   know real big and real successful stuff

01:03:40   and like they're still sometimes like

01:03:42   we'll have exchanged the when people say

01:03:43   you should get on cav Chris you should

01:03:45   ever on your show and I don't hide under

01:03:47   a rock and I'm just like no please don't

01:03:50   make it so he even has to like consider

01:03:52   that it makes me it makes my insides so

01:03:54   uncomfortable when that happens just not

01:03:57   that's not shame it's just more like I

01:03:59   don't like I don't like even

01:04:01   inconveniencing people with ideas and no

01:04:03   ideas way something

01:04:05   Yeah right right I I that this happened

01:04:07   the other day i was down in LA

01:04:09   there was a sold-out show at the gallery

01:04:12   don't be happening to me Hollywood

01:04:15   what's up jolie jolie with that girl i

01:04:17   met she has seems to be doing a lot of

01:04:19   movies what's her name i was done LA and

01:04:23   and Patton Oswalt was playing at Largo

01:04:25   and I said oh I'd like to go to that

01:04:30   show and it was sold out and I said well

01:04:33   known as sold-out doesn't matter to me

01:04:36   daddy it John Rocker yeah I know I know

01:04:41   everybody in largo they are you know

01:04:44   they largo the largo accounts Dave's my

01:04:46   Instagram posts like I've never even

01:04:51   more tempting to cut something out

01:04:53   I'm really up here haha that the

01:04:55   Instagram account for largo huh yeah the

01:04:57   Instagram account for largo faves my

01:04:59   shit all the time so this shouldn't be a

01:05:01   problem

01:05:02   yeah cute maybe going on your foot

01:05:05   I'm just gonna take me that damn

01:05:08   standing at the front door like I know

01:05:09   the shoulder shows sold out but check it

01:05:11   out you guys have like to my last seven

01:05:13   posts all the things I know everybody

01:05:16   that works there right i mean and I'm I

01:05:17   don't live in LA but I'm there I played

01:05:20   a lot of shows there there's not a lot

01:05:21   of turnover in the people that run the

01:05:24   place

01:05:24   yeah and so and I know we're all friends

01:05:27   and some cheering up i'm not i'm not

01:05:30   like I'm not like here we go here and

01:05:33   i'm just sitting i'm sitting in a

01:05:35   picture just because you have not done

01:05:36   any prep work here your plan is to show

01:05:38   up then just kind of walton that's right

01:05:40   ok and not just show up and Walt it but

01:05:44   show up with people I'm Alton and I'm

01:05:48   sitting there and I'm thinking i'm doing

01:05:50   i'm running a merlin mann on and I'm

01:05:51   like what are the potential outcomes

01:05:55   here let's just run through this like

01:05:57   I'm not somebody that if I show up at a

01:06:00   place with a bunch of people and I get

01:06:02   turned away

01:06:03   I'm not especially embarrassed by that

01:06:04   because because it always is like well

01:06:07   give it a try right let's go across the

01:06:10   street and eat blintzes or whatever you

01:06:12   know like I'm I he can't you're not

01:06:15   going to like or a bucket over my hand

01:06:17   but as I SAT there i thought this exact

01:06:20   thing you're describing

01:06:22   why give my good friends at largo any

01:06:27   memory of ever having turned me down for

01:06:31   a thing like right now right no one

01:06:33   there has ever turned me down

01:06:35   why why risk even establishing the

01:06:41   notion in anyone's mind that i'm in a

01:06:44   category people that get turned down for

01:06:46   things and I know what that's somewhere

01:06:49   in my mind I've never really quite put

01:06:50   my finger on it but you're right that's

01:06:52   i don't i don't want this enough to live

01:06:55   with what the no means ya to take to put

01:07:00   to do on your own put a black mark next

01:07:03   to your name and it's not a black I mean

01:07:05   so what that would mean but it looks

01:07:07   like that's it that's account

01:07:08   accompanied by the noise oh yeah right

01:07:10   what that would mean is now I'm on a

01:07:12   list of somebody that gets in to some

01:07:15   shows some times if it's not that big of

01:07:18   a deal

01:07:18   and right now because I decided not to

01:07:21   go right and I told the people i was i

01:07:24   was planning on taking let's do

01:07:25   something else

01:07:27   yeah scan was good lenses what that

01:07:30   means is that i'm not a person that gets

01:07:34   turned down for a patton oswalt show

01:07:36   that's been sold out for a month right

01:07:39   time I can't find negative that's right

01:07:41   i'm not on that list I very well might

01:07:45   be somebody that could have gotten into

01:07:46   that show sure nobody's with it being

01:07:48   any different

01:07:49   yeah and that's you know that's a big

01:07:51   actually falls apart if you test your

01:07:53   dick haha that's a big way of running

01:07:56   your Hollywood game slow march but but

01:08:00   but i do feel sometimes like em I not am

01:08:05   I not pushing myself hard enough like

01:08:09   shouldn't I be

01:08:11   I'll just the word audition makes me

01:08:15   want to sit in the bathtub with a bowl

01:08:18   of macaroni and cheese I have some

01:08:20   counseling on this and I have some

01:08:22   thoughts on this

01:08:23   let me hear well first of all my another

01:08:25   admission along this is that and this

01:08:27   sounds like some kind of weird like I

01:08:29   don't know we're sending a little bit

01:08:30   robert evans at this point but um

01:08:33   you have done better if you follow him

01:08:35   on twitter but it is i'm really a lot of

01:08:36   fun i do follow him

01:08:38   boy he's here yeah great he's a hundred

01:08:42   and five now

01:08:43   yeah yeah I could sit for the paths see

01:08:47   ya

01:08:47   listen this is living in the house jack

01:08:49   nicholson ba living in his house the

01:08:51   Jackals block when I bet your ass is

01:08:53   what is like there's sometimes we're

01:08:58   like you know first of all I'm from Ohio

01:08:59   and I don't really talk to people and

01:09:02   I'm not really good at keeping up with

01:09:04   people and so like anytime I'm like keep

01:09:06   going to like catch up with somebody I

01:09:08   always find myself like doubting or

01:09:10   questioning like why I'm doing it which

01:09:12   is so terrible

01:09:13   like what I just keep up with everybody

01:09:15   but i think i'll guide people are busy

01:09:17   and they're gonna think I want something

01:09:18   and like there's another I'm talking

01:09:20   about like all my friends this is why I

01:09:22   don't talk to any of you

01:09:23   it is like I just goes to my mind it's

01:09:25   like I look if this goes well and what's

01:09:26   gonna happen like we're gonna have

01:09:28   planned something that all don't have

01:09:30   time or resources to do and like I just

01:09:34   go through that but you know i'll say is

01:09:38   this is that like if that's something

01:09:39   you actually want to do not to use the a

01:09:41   word here but if you'd like to be in

01:09:44   more things

01:09:45   the only thing I could think of that

01:09:46   does help is to first set your mind the

01:09:48   fact that you're gonna do that and then

01:09:50   make it easy on other people

01:09:52   I think it's really different from

01:09:53   showing up at the door and saying like

01:09:54   you know him a friend of pattern or

01:09:56   whatever you know and that's that's

01:09:58   needy but like if you have a thing where

01:10:00   you can actually sounds like stupid

01:10:02   networking I don't mean it that way but

01:10:04   if you have a way where you actually

01:10:05   could be useful for something for

01:10:07   somebody else like that's that's not bad

01:10:10   thing you're not asking for anything but

01:10:11   your luck favors the well-prepared like

01:10:13   if you're ready like you got to be ready

01:10:16   to like say talk to a producer who that

01:10:18   person has to convince you should be at

01:10:20   do I'm saying yeah well and this is that

01:10:22   that but now we're talking more about

01:10:23   commitment and you realize how much of

01:10:25   this you really want when you start

01:10:27   thinking about what's involved

01:10:29   yeah my problem is that I always feel

01:10:31   like I have I always feel that i offer

01:10:34   utility to every situation sure right

01:10:37   like like guy the MSD yeah i'm not

01:10:39   showing up there with a with a bouquet

01:10:41   of flowers and a bottle of champagne

01:10:43   the bouquet of flowers in the bottle of

01:10:45   champagne is me because the other

01:10:51   problem is that trying to teach my

01:10:53   daughter this with the cat because the

01:10:55   cat has a in the 11-month sleep at her

01:10:57   she's really warmed up to the family

01:10:59   she's still a hideous monster but she's

01:11:00   become in her way for a ten-year-old cat

01:11:03   she's become kind of affectionate just

01:11:06   in the sense that like she likes to be

01:11:07   petted at certain times in certain ways

01:11:10   how much hair does she have right now is

01:11:12   shaved i'll send you pictures a

01:11:14   monstrosity there something I'm trying

01:11:16   to teach my wonderful daughter which is

01:11:18   that with the cat with the cat it's all

01:11:23   about building up way more trust than

01:11:27   you think is reasonable or certainly way

01:11:29   more trusting is fun so like a lot of

01:11:32   times when you feel like petting the cat

01:11:33   don't pet the cat is rightly because

01:11:36   leave the cat alone and get really wants

01:11:38   that the cat will come to you now if the

01:11:40   cat does come to you I'm just gonna tell

01:11:43   you like mom and I know this like here's

01:11:44   a couple places and ways that the cat

01:11:47   likes to be scratched you can scratch

01:11:49   the back of the cat's neck right here

01:11:51   forever and she'll be very happy if she

01:11:53   likes that you can put a little bit an

01:11:55   urgent and it makes it really because

01:11:57   what you don't you don't walk up to the

01:11:59   cat pick up the CAC turn her around do a

01:12:02   dance put on your lap and then start

01:12:04   like scratching her like on her

01:12:06   underside because that doesn't build

01:12:08   trust that build suspicion like mom and

01:12:10   I got to the point where we can scratch

01:12:11   the cat on the neck because we figured

01:12:12   out that's what she likes and we don't

01:12:14   we don't mess it up too much and like

01:12:17   I'm not sure exactly what the messages

01:12:18   for you getting into dan harmon's TV

01:12:20   shows

01:12:21   unlike you I'm saying here is only yeah

01:12:23   that to me is like just keep your

01:12:26   personal credit good

01:12:27   yeah in that way like don't fuck it up

01:12:29   with something stupid because every time

01:12:30   you try to scratch the cats but because

01:12:33   it's cute like that makes the cat trust

01:12:35   you less and and the cat didn't really

01:12:37   get strapped scratched you can get to

01:12:38   scratch the cat and all that's really

01:12:39   changes your relationship I I feel like

01:12:42   about the ship has already sailed in

01:12:43   being in Dan Harmon's production

01:12:45   have you ever had to follow up with him

01:12:47   no no and uh you know I don't think that

01:12:50   he feels like it's his job to help that

01:12:53   are wonderful fans

01:12:54   had missed very few opportunities to

01:12:57   make this into an unnecessarily

01:12:58   oppositional thing with Dan Harmon yeah

01:13:00   they really had that has not helped

01:13:02   hey Dad check it out using an arm and

01:13:05   stolen idea for now we get what

01:13:07   check it out man i just bet you're still

01:13:10   mad Dan Harmon like no one cares stops

01:13:14   now that stop scratching the cats but

01:13:16   stop it

01:13:17   uh you know like how to scratch the cat

01:13:20   i think that should go up on the big

01:13:22   board

01:13:22   ok i'll put it up here that was great

01:13:24   cast your other one the one the other

01:13:27   one you don't think somebody'll tweet at

01:13:29   us

01:13:29   yeah I yeah I I mean all those things

01:13:33   right

01:13:34   it's a ultimately it's the big question

01:13:36   do I i yes I do yes I do what I'm

01:13:42   supposed to get past perfect not

01:13:44   currently the big question is do I

01:13:47   answer is yes I do yes I do no king but

01:13:51   do I i miss the context for them but I

01:13:54   like it

01:13:54   do I why why yes i do you do to my son

01:14:02   do you bet your ass I can be certain of

01:14:07   one thing today

01:14:08   that's what that's gonna do it I'm gonna

01:14:12   do yes I do if your impression of Tom

01:14:17   Waits doing

01:14:18   Oh tired so much Randy new business oh

01:14:22   ok with quick for my still sitting a

01:14:27   good unit to continue to make me blue do

01:14:31   i do i do that do you do it is why you

01:14:43   yes I do that's it that's the whole game

01:14:47   take it very well stop right there

01:14:50   that's good