Roderick on the Line

Ep. 218: "The Valve"


00:00:00   this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

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00:00:27   [Music] [TS]

00:00:32   boy not John I'm Merlin that's it going [TS]

00:00:36   up [TS]

00:00:37   good four times jar times just what oh [TS]

00:00:41   my god now what would cost at that time [TS]

00:00:43   well see here's the thing huh think [TS]

00:00:46   about the internet yeah the way it's [TS]

00:00:49   provided to you don't know what it's [TS]

00:00:51   like other countries but i don't know i [TS]

00:00:54   don't know what it's like but here in [TS]

00:00:56   America is provided to you by a company [TS]

00:00:59   right yeah even though the Internet [TS]

00:01:04   itself exists in a sphere em right it's [TS]

00:01:09   a series of tubes under the Rocky [TS]

00:01:12   Mountains in salt lake city in an old [TS]

00:01:15   salt mine owned by just is that what is [TS]

00:01:18   that what the internet mostly is it has [TS]

00:01:19   tendrils that come out via via tubes and [TS]

00:01:22   orbs but he largely located in Colorado [TS]

00:01:26   that's my sense of it between salt lake [TS]

00:01:28   in Colorado there's a giant tunnel that [TS]

00:01:30   used to be a salt mine who that now has [TS]

00:01:33   a biohazard billboard outside of it [TS]

00:01:37   ok so that's smart yeah so that future [TS]

00:01:40   generations when they don't speak eight [TS]

00:01:42   languages anymore and they're just [TS]

00:01:45   wandering the desert post-apocalypse and [TS]

00:01:48   here be dragons right exactly they see [TS]

00:01:50   the pointy biohazard sign they know that [TS]

00:01:54   either there's a giant metal concert [TS]

00:01:56   happening there but with insects or [TS]

00:01:59   that's where the internet lived and [TS]

00:02:01   don't mess with it [TS]

00:02:02   oh my gosh finally found a way to [TS]

00:02:03   contain it yeah right but the tubes the [TS]

00:02:07   tendrils let's call them 10 tendrils him [TS]

00:02:09   the tendrils come out and then at some [TS]

00:02:12   point there is coitus interruptus [TS]

00:02:15   between the tendrils and me and in [TS]

00:02:20   between there is a portal [TS]

00:02:22   let's call it a let's call it a valve ok [TS]

00:02:25   I should be writing all this down you [TS]

00:02:29   got you got you got the cold storage [TS]

00:02:31   when the spiky signs that's that's where [TS]

00:02:33   they mainly keep the internet and into a [TS]

00:02:35   series of two orbs tendrils and portals [TS]

00:02:38   there are various methods by which the [TS]

00:02:40   internet does or does not get to John [TS]

00:02:42   Roderick right and the valves are [TS]

00:02:44   controlled by [TS]

00:02:45   I companies all the valves ok right in [TS]

00:02:48   my case at my office [TS]

00:02:51   the valve is controlled by a company [TS]

00:02:52   called wave John did you have many many [TS]

00:02:55   options for your internet provider your [TS]

00:02:57   office at my office wave company has the [TS]

00:03:01   exclusive rights to provide internet and [TS]

00:03:06   that right was was negotiated i think at [TS]

00:03:09   a level above above my access right I [TS]

00:03:13   didn't I wasn't included in that [TS]

00:03:15   discussion so i can only use the [TS]

00:03:19   internet provided by wave and wave is [TS]

00:03:21   very inconsistent sometimes the valve [TS]

00:03:24   slams shut and then I am I you know I am [TS]

00:03:32   in a situation where I have to take out [TS]

00:03:33   my Big Chief notebook and write down [TS]

00:03:36   some very very angry letters to various [TS]

00:03:41   mixes the thesis will turrets and and [TS]

00:03:48   those times you fear that your valve me [TS]

00:03:50   a permanently sealed permanently sealed [TS]

00:03:52   and so I i call the customer service and [TS]

00:03:56   I i talked to a nice man at a certain [TS]

00:03:58   point I yelled at him at a certain point [TS]

00:04:00   he reverted to as we've talked about [TS]

00:04:03   before customer service formality [TS]

00:04:05   weekend nice he did he said sir Sir [TS]

00:04:10   and then he said well sir before you [TS]

00:04:12   swore at me when in fact all I had said [TS]

00:04:16   was bullshit who isn't swearing i think [TS]

00:04:20   in the in the realm of customer service [TS]

00:04:22   i'm not like sonographer but I think in [TS]

00:04:24   the realm of customer service that's [TS]

00:04:26   just a response like did you try [TS]

00:04:27   plugging it in ya boldly valid response [TS]

00:04:31   totally valid and I got a time he asked [TS]

00:04:34   me seriously if I had unplugged and [TS]

00:04:37   replugged in my modem three times and uh [TS]

00:04:42   that one point he said something i don't [TS]

00:04:45   remember what it was and I said bullshit [TS]

00:04:47   and he said well sir before he swore at [TS]

00:04:49   me i was about to tell you some i was [TS]

00:04:51   about to tell you to unplug your modem [TS]

00:04:52   and I was like um [TS]

00:04:54   I got so anyway here I am broadcasting [TS]

00:04:57   from a separate location where the tubes [TS]

00:05:00   are clear the valve is open for now [TS]

00:05:02   valve is open the tubes are clear the [TS]

00:05:04   internet is provided by a different [TS]

00:05:06   company this this internet this comcast [TS]

00:05:09   internet huh [TS]

00:05:11   another internet provider that is some [TS]

00:05:16   kind of oligarchy oligopoly mm and they [TS]

00:05:21   don't they don't care about me right [TS]

00:05:24   I've been on the phone with them too [TS]

00:05:25   they don't care about me I might have [TS]

00:05:27   even said bullshit to them oh and what I [TS]

00:05:30   want is unfettered unrestricted access [TS]

00:05:33   to the to the tubes [TS]

00:05:35   I want to control my own valve yeah and [TS]

00:05:38   I don't you tell me Merlin what what [TS]

00:05:41   about net neutrality no can literally [TS]

00:05:43   begging to get me started on this but [TS]

00:05:45   now you have and here's the thing about [TS]

00:05:47   the valves and cubes and the orbs in the [TS]

00:05:50   tendrils and yes about the cold storage [TS]

00:05:52   by this bike you sign in Colorado and by [TS]

00:05:54   the way it's pronounced colorado i found [TS]

00:05:55   out Cole arado Colorado and Nevada [TS]

00:05:59   oh and how ru pronouncing well used to [TS]

00:06:01   say Nevada and Colorado and apparently [TS]

00:06:03   that's not correct i found a a web page [TS]

00:06:05   that tells you how to pronounce states [TS]

00:06:06   Colorado and use and now you're saying [TS]

00:06:09   it's colorado state colorado but here's [TS]

00:06:11   the here's the thing and this is this is [TS]

00:06:13   I think the vexing part about so much of [TS]

00:06:15   the technology stuff is it seems like it [TS]

00:06:17   either works [TS]

00:06:18   ninety percent well or it doesn't work [TS]

00:06:20   at all me when it doesn't work at all [TS]

00:06:23   there's not much recourse except yelling [TS]

00:06:25   bullshit at somebody you don't know [TS]

00:06:26   there's not much you can do and I was [TS]

00:06:28   trying to and so just in terms of a [TS]

00:06:31   little bit of inside baseball [TS]

00:06:32   this is our third well counting today's [TS]

00:06:36   failures of 4th 4th attempt to record [TS]

00:06:37   the show last week and a half because of [TS]

00:06:39   your wave problem and the inherent valve [TS]

00:06:42   issues and you don't have control the [TS]

00:06:43   valve right so we have some abortive [TS]

00:06:46   attempts to do this and I was trying to [TS]

00:06:48   help you troubleshoot because the error [TS]

00:06:49   message you were getting i used i use [TS]

00:06:51   the googles and i found out that's for [TS]

00:06:52   your router yeah router was throwing [TS]

00:06:55   that message so i was trying to help you [TS]

00:06:56   log into that to see if maybe needed to [TS]

00:06:58   be rebooted I here's to us here's the [TS]

00:07:01   thing so now now wave people now I just [TS]

00:07:03   interrupt the ways people have the [TS]

00:07:05   capacity to [TS]

00:07:07   reboot the router via of their own valve [TS]

00:07:11   a server assuming all of the tendrils [TS]

00:07:13   are intact they should be able to say [TS]

00:07:14   there is a router here there's a modem [TS]

00:07:17   here and i should be able to see if [TS]

00:07:19   that's working so here's what happened [TS]

00:07:21   here is where the mystery deepens they [TS]

00:07:25   were able to see the router and it [TS]

00:07:28   doesn't make you feel better and they [TS]

00:07:30   said seems fine [TS]

00:07:31   looks like from here works for me looks [TS]

00:07:33   fine from here and I said that's why [TS]

00:07:35   they were like trying to unplug it and I [TS]

00:07:37   said listen to me i have been you know [TS]

00:07:40   this isn't my first rodeo which is a [TS]

00:07:42   good phrase I don't usually use it [TS]

00:07:44   because it's kind of trite this isn't my [TS]

00:07:46   first rodeo [TS]

00:07:47   no I i was driving in a town called [TS]

00:07:50   mcminnville oregon the other day and a [TS]

00:07:53   guy in the high country that's right and [TS]

00:07:55   I was I was parallel parking and a guy [TS]

00:07:57   in a very big dodge ram truck pulled up [TS]

00:08:00   right behind me and I had my blinker on [TS]

00:08:02   my reverse lights on and I proceeded to [TS]

00:08:05   back up in order to get to my to my [TS]

00:08:08   parking spot at which point he hawked [TS]

00:08:11   his giant horn and so I leaned out the [TS]

00:08:14   window and I said I'm parallel parking [TS]

00:08:17   here you know in a kind i didn't use a [TS]

00:08:19   Brooklyn accent but like parallel [TS]

00:08:21   parking here you know what that's from [TS]

00:08:22   we get a little rats ERISA that's right [TS]

00:08:24   and he leans out his window and he says [TS]

00:08:28   that movie is overrated [TS]

00:08:30   no he's going anywhere baseball cap knee [TS]

00:08:32   has a moustache and his wife is in the [TS]

00:08:33   truck and he says you ran that stop sign [TS]

00:08:37   and everything through referring to a [TS]

00:08:40   prior stop sign which I had made a free [TS]

00:08:44   right turn ass which is legal in the [TS]

00:08:47   northwest and maybe I didn't come to a [TS]

00:08:49   complete stop [TS]

00:08:50   yeah I slowed and then made a free right [TS]

00:08:54   right you were respectful he said you [TS]

00:08:57   ran that stop sign and everything and [TS]

00:08:59   everything and that's and that's why the [TS]

00:09:03   horn [TS]

00:09:04   that's why though he came up behind me [TS]

00:09:06   didn't want to give me an inch to [TS]

00:09:08   parallel park because i had run that [TS]

00:09:10   stops oh it's time for some friends but [TS]

00:09:12   yes that's right and everything [TS]

00:09:15   and so I thought at that moment to yell [TS]

00:09:19   is this your first rodeo cowboy which i [TS]

00:09:24   thought would be a good burn but then I [TS]

00:09:28   thought that's a that's too on-the-nose [TS]

00:09:30   if they were there were three lines from [TS]

00:09:33   a screenplay it would never pass muster [TS]

00:09:34   though because it's not it's such an odd [TS]

00:09:38   exchange yeah and so what I said I [TS]

00:09:42   because I because this is the problem [TS]

00:09:44   right if you if you edit yourself in the [TS]

00:09:46   moment [TS]

00:09:48   sometimes you do it you sometimes it [TS]

00:09:50   works but a lot of times you get in [TS]

00:09:52   front of yourself right and so I should [TS]

00:09:55   have said is this your first rodeo [TS]

00:09:57   cowboy [TS]

00:09:58   mhm oh that would have been devastated [TS]

00:10:00   but instead i said is this your first [TS]

00:10:03   day I got halfway in and I was like [TS]

00:10:10   don't think I don't see rodeo is this [TS]

00:10:13   your first day that sounds like this is [TS]

00:10:15   has been translated from maybe polish [TS]

00:10:18   this your first day of sand and [TS]

00:10:21   everything is this your first day and so [TS]

00:10:25   of course he like big diesel like a [TS]

00:10:28   take-off around me on his way that's the [TS]

00:10:31   other side of mcminnville like to the [TS]

00:10:34   feed and seed store because it might [TS]

00:10:36   have been his first day [TS]

00:10:38   oh you let you might have triggered him [TS]

00:10:40   a little bit [TS]

00:10:41   well but then i sat in my car and I was [TS]

00:10:43   like God is this your first day [TS]

00:10:46   nobody's gonna be like sick burn all the [TS]

00:10:49   other people walk all by all that like [TS]

00:10:51   hippie mom's walking the streets in [TS]

00:10:52   mcminnville are going to be like is this [TS]

00:10:53   your first day they're gonna they're [TS]

00:10:55   gonna walk home they're going to be [TS]

00:10:56   thinking about that was that a burner [TS]

00:10:58   what to so anyway you were about to go [TS]

00:11:01   on a rant about about Internet portals [TS]

00:11:05   yeah yeah yeah just sit down [TS]

00:11:08   I know what you mean about the valves [TS]

00:11:09   though because I get this i M gonna say [TS]

00:11:12   something shocking here i'm i'm not a [TS]

00:11:15   huge fan of cable town the company but [TS]

00:11:18   but the comcast service has been fast [TS]

00:11:21   and solid for me mostly for the past few [TS]

00:11:25   years with some crazy exceptions [TS]

00:11:28   and you know that the thing is that in [TS]

00:11:31   order to have the technology that we [TS]

00:11:32   have there are so many layers of [TS]

00:11:34   abstraction to make us not have to see [TS]

00:11:36   the bits and bytes and that benefits us [TS]

00:11:39   a lot of the time when it works [TS]

00:11:40   extremely well you don't even think [TS]

00:11:43   about the bits and bytes don't but they [TS]

00:11:45   want something does go wrong [TS]

00:11:46   there's not they don't easily expose I [TS]

00:11:50   think about this all the time of my [TS]

00:11:51   phone is not working on my phone of my [TS]

00:11:53   messages are coming up in the wrong [TS]

00:11:54   order or not at all [TS]

00:11:55   there's not a button that says show me [TS]

00:11:57   what's going wrong no you can do nothing [TS]

00:11:59   and this is super true to the 11 million [TS]

00:12:02   power with the internet because your [TS]

00:12:03   internet goes out eat well unless you're [TS]

00:12:05   on your phone and wireless you can't [TS]

00:12:07   even go to the website and check it out [TS]

00:12:09   it's the ultimate network diagnostics [TS]

00:12:11   says the network is not working kind of [TS]

00:12:13   radical right so I mean one handy thing [TS]

00:12:15   to do is like lucky with comcast you can [TS]

00:12:17   go in and if you log in with your phone [TS]

00:12:19   using you know your regular old LTE [TS]

00:12:21   service or whatever don't you can go in [TS]

00:12:23   and see if there's any problems in your [TS]

00:12:24   area but then you get these mystery [TS]

00:12:26   problems this is almost on us we're like [TS]

00:12:28   the KKK fairly common twice your thing [TS]

00:12:30   for me with comcast is their dns servers [TS]

00:12:32   go down [TS]

00:12:33   oh yeah and dns is just in for people [TS]

00:12:35   who care and do not service do not [TS]

00:12:37   service that's right you know shirt no [TS]

00:12:40   shoes right to present reserve it's [TS]

00:12:43   basically the system that says that this [TS]

00:12:45   IP address sequels this name and vice [TS]

00:12:47   versa so the thing is though if you [TS]

00:12:49   don't experience you experience that as [TS]

00:12:52   websites don't come up because it's [TS]

00:12:54   using the names of them usually not the [TS]

00:12:56   IP addresses of those things and but how [TS]

00:12:58   would a normal person ever that's me [TS]

00:13:01   well how ok so I I know I know to do [TS]

00:13:03   this because it took several times this [TS]

00:13:05   happening to wear with you here like [TS]

00:13:06   every couples few months of the dns [TS]

00:13:08   servers go down so one thing you can do [TS]

00:13:10   is you can go you can log into in my [TS]

00:13:12   case my router is an apple router i can [TS]

00:13:15   go into the apple router and i can say [TS]

00:13:16   use this these different dns servers [TS]

00:13:19   avoid the comcast servers [TS]

00:13:20   I don't think many people are going to [TS]

00:13:22   think to do that if they're if they're [TS]

00:13:24   if they're Game of Thrones isn't showing [TS]

00:13:26   up [TS]

00:13:27   it's not necessarily going to occur to [TS]

00:13:28   them to go find alternate IP addresses [TS]

00:13:31   to use as dns servers i would not that [TS]

00:13:33   would not occur to me and and then even [TS]

00:13:35   then it doesn't always work because that [TS]

00:13:37   may not be the problem you know and so [TS]

00:13:40   you know it it's it's really vexing and [TS]

00:13:42   you start to feel like you got more [TS]

00:13:44   gallant we go to your doctor and you say [TS]

00:13:46   i have threads coming out of my skin and [TS]

00:13:48   here's a match box full of skin and [TS]

00:13:50   mushrooms and so what we need to do to [TS]

00:13:52   fix this and they go that's not a thing [TS]

00:13:54   haha [TS]

00:13:55   and that's how you feel when you're when [TS]

00:13:57   you're talking to these folks [TS]

00:13:58   yes that is how i feel and so not to [TS]

00:14:01   press the bruise here but this is still [TS]

00:14:03   I'm giving that you're at a third [TS]

00:14:05   location that you know this is not a [TS]

00:14:08   resolved issue with your wave [TS]

00:14:10   no because then the person very nice man [TS]

00:14:13   and we ended up being good friends you [TS]

00:14:14   reconcile we did because because he went [TS]

00:14:17   away to talk to somebody and put me on [TS]

00:14:21   hold with some jazzy music and when he [TS]

00:14:23   came back i had calmed down and he had [TS]

00:14:26   calmed down and then he was trying to me [TS]

00:14:28   not in a knot in his like training voice [TS]

00:14:32   he's talking me into a human voice and i [TS]

00:14:36   SAT and listened to his human voice and [TS]

00:14:37   then i said i'd like to apologize for my [TS]

00:14:40   outburst earlier good for you and he [TS]

00:14:43   said thank you sir [TS]

00:14:44   and then we proceeded from there in a [TS]

00:14:48   very human way and at the end he said I [TS]

00:14:51   understand how frustrating this is [TS]

00:14:53   I would be frustrated if I were in your [TS]

00:14:54   situation and I said you're going off [TS]

00:14:56   script now [TS]

00:14:58   yeah like I don't think it's supposed to [TS]

00:14:59   say that no you're apologizing like hey [TS]

00:15:01   let's keep this between us if this call [TS]

00:15:03   is being recorded for quality assurance [TS]

00:15:06   let's hope nobody reviews it was there [TS]

00:15:09   going to see that you're being a human [TS]

00:15:10   being so then he said i have the [TS]

00:15:14   following because you have to be there [TS]

00:15:16   for wave to come check it out so he was [TS]

00:15:20   like i have the following appointment [TS]

00:15:21   monday at 11am I was like too late i [TS]

00:15:24   haven't I have a podcast at ten on [TS]

00:15:25   Monday [TS]

00:15:26   alright what about tuesday at eleven [TS]

00:15:29   well that would be after the pod cat so [TS]

00:15:32   that's not good what about sunday at to [TS]

00:15:34   do you think I want to be at my office [TS]

00:15:37   sunday at two waiting 46 hours for a way [TS]

00:15:40   of guy [TS]

00:15:40   yeah like sunday that's that's sunday [TS]

00:15:43   funday mhm says write the name sunday [TS]

00:15:46   sunday sunday [TS]

00:15:47   mhm I'd be a monster truck rally yeah so [TS]

00:15:50   what it ended up was [TS]

00:15:53   one of the times were convenient to me [TS]

00:15:56   because guess what not it's never going [TS]

00:15:59   to be convenient for me to go sit in my [TS]

00:16:01   office without internet for four to six [TS]

00:16:05   hours waiting for your repair man it's [TS]

00:16:08   like your basement is full of water and [TS]

00:16:10   they want to just go sit in waist deep [TS]

00:16:12   water for a couple couple 28 hours until [TS]

00:16:15   they should maybe show up [TS]

00:16:16   yeah go sit in the basement servers are [TS]

00:16:18   we can fix that until you sit in the [TS]

00:16:19   water so for me what that means is go [TS]

00:16:22   sit in front of my computer from 1997 [TS]

00:16:24   and go through old files and try to [TS]

00:16:29   remember why i put that in the file [TS]

00:16:31   well that's no good you know like some [TS]

00:16:33   of them are like why did I put that in a [TS]

00:16:34   fight it's weird how long we use [TS]

00:16:36   computers before they were on the [TS]

00:16:37   internet it's so you [TS]

00:16:39   it seats six so we're okay i guess i [TS]

00:16:42   look at my txt file I remember taking [TS]

00:16:44   some little will you know what were the [TS]

00:16:47   floppies that weren't floppy yellow gem [TS]

00:16:50   like the the little ones with little [TS]

00:16:51   silver sliding on ya little pop tarts [TS]

00:16:54   still causing call it off because that [TS]

00:16:56   sorry [TS]

00:16:56   yeah but how would you distinguish that [TS]

00:16:57   from like a giant 7 inch across right [TS]

00:17:00   you get the big pc floppy disks with [TS]

00:17:02   little record player in them and then [TS]

00:17:04   you get the little ones and you get like [TS]

00:17:05   what like it in the 800 k or a hundred [TS]

00:17:09   full-on k right and you can put tape [TS]

00:17:12   over the little notch and in and making [TS]

00:17:14   bigger these to be a trick [TS]

00:17:16   yeah that was a trick right because that [TS]

00:17:17   you would you put them it would flip the [TS]

00:17:19   switch outside double density [TS]

00:17:20   double-side double densities I remember [TS]

00:17:23   that that was like that was like a [TS]

00:17:24   double-sided tape that 120 minute [TS]

00:17:26   passive tape that's always a huge [TS]

00:17:31   technology it was anyway I had a bunch [TS]

00:17:35   of the little the poster sized ones [TS]

00:17:37   toaster popping fresh floppy like [TS]

00:17:41   pepperidge farm bread that sighs yeah [TS]

00:17:42   and I took them into the stranger [TS]

00:17:45   Seattle's a weekly alternative paperback [TS]

00:17:48   before I was feuding with them the most [TS]

00:17:49   recent time because they had some old [TS]

00:17:53   Mac some-some Lisa that was that they [TS]

00:17:58   actually had hooked up to their system [TS]

00:18:00   where you could put in floppies [TS]

00:18:05   and translate that material into a [TS]

00:18:08   contemporary format so you can get like [TS]

00:18:11   old like Microsoft Word files or [TS]

00:18:13   whatever yeah and so I went in there and [TS]

00:18:15   I had like I had 800 files where I had [TS]

00:18:19   sat down after smoking a doobie and [TS]

00:18:24   written some uh what we would call now a [TS]

00:18:27   blog post but which at the time was a [TS]

00:18:29   was a post for a zine that i had the [TS]

00:18:32   idea to publish one day [TS]

00:18:34   Wow which I never did publish a zine and [TS]

00:18:39   all this stuff all this writing that was [TS]

00:18:41   you know a time before i had never [TS]

00:18:44   published anything right sit down at the [TS]

00:18:46   at the typewriter or the computer later [TS]

00:18:48   and say a writer writes and so I would [TS]

00:18:52   write write write write and the writing [TS]

00:18:55   would be garbage but i would fill the [TS]

00:18:59   page with writing about my feelings or [TS]

00:19:01   sore observations and I and I think via [TS]

00:19:06   that process did actually develop a [TS]

00:19:09   writing style and I have like hundreds [TS]

00:19:12   and hundreds of these pages and I [TS]

00:19:17   translated them all over into a format [TS]

00:19:19   that i can now even go into my 1990a [TS]

00:19:22   computer waist-deep in water who waiting [TS]

00:19:26   for the internet yeah and and read some [TS]

00:19:29   of these of these wonderful wonderful [TS]

00:19:30   historical posts unposted posts will [TS]

00:19:35   call you and and and then be unable to [TS]

00:19:39   either delete them because they're part [TS]

00:19:43   of the historical record or edit them [TS]

00:19:45   because again that would be that's like [TS]

00:19:48   going back and putting shockwaves around [TS]

00:19:50   the destruction of a planet that's kinda [TS]

00:19:52   like oh yeah it's time for Paul [TS]

00:19:53   McCartney problem right [TS]

00:19:55   yeah don't go back who you never never [TS]

00:19:59   go back always go forward so yeah and so [TS]

00:20:04   what are they they're just these [TS]

00:20:05   albatrosses I don't want that nobody's [TS]

00:20:07   ever going to read them [TS]

00:20:08   I'm never going to publish a magazine [TS]

00:20:10   yeah do i do I give them to my daughter [TS]

00:20:12   when I die let you feel about the story [TS]

00:20:14   it's kind of sad [TS]

00:20:16   yeah every one of my stories of you [TS]

00:20:18   pursue it long enough it turns into [TS]

00:20:20   turns into another year passing where [TS]

00:20:23   then death is raking up my year into a [TS]

00:20:27   garbage bag that looks like a pumpkin [TS]

00:20:29   this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

00:20:34   brought to you in part by Squarespace [TS]

00:20:36   the simplest way for anyone to create a [TS]

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00:20:55   Squarespace true story with easy-to-use [TS]

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00:21:06   Squarespace put all the power you need [TS]

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00:21:15   Squarespace helps with all that stuff [TS]

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00:21:24   all just look at it works just beautiful [TS]

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00:21:50   chat an email that the squarespace [TS]

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00:21:54   a store to your Squarespace site and [TS]

00:21:56   there's this thing called the cover page [TS]

00:21:57   functionality [TS]

00:21:58   this thing's terrific you can make it [TS]

00:21:59   beautiful just great looking solid [TS]

00:22:01   single page website so cool they got [TS]

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00:22:06   and if you want to stretch Squarespace [TS]

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00:22:09   digging into their dev platform and put [TS]

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00:22:22   to be called go please right now and [TS]

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00:22:25   card required start making your website [TS]

00:22:27   by going to squarespace.com [TS]

00:22:29   when you decide to sign up for [TS]

00:22:31   Squarespace make sure to use the very [TS]

00:22:33   special offer code super train is going [TS]

00:22:35   to get you ten percent off your first [TS]

00:22:37   purchase and it will show your support [TS]

00:22:39   for Roderick online [TS]

00:22:41   our thanks to squarespace for supporting [TS]

00:22:43   Roderick online and all the great shows [TS]

00:22:45   right consistent deaths front yard [TS]

00:22:49   happy holidays it's a guy just never [TS]

00:23:01   gets better does that back [TS]

00:23:03   nothing ever gets better well how could [TS]

00:23:06   it [TS]

00:23:06   no oh nobody's working on making it [TS]

00:23:09   better [TS]

00:23:09   you're gonna know it's just fits all [TS]

00:23:11   over again right is it you're pushing a [TS]

00:23:13   modem up the modem uphill so [TS]

00:23:15   sophisticated [TS]

00:23:16   huh yeah i think people are trying to [TS]

00:23:19   make more rather than better who don't [TS]

00:23:22   you think yeah yeah do better [TS]

00:23:25   yeah and just more and slightly [TS]

00:23:27   different but not better [TS]

00:23:30   mm you don't get better that much so [TS]

00:23:34   often right [TS]

00:23:36   who was the last time you upgraded or a [TS]

00:23:40   yeah or updated let's say upgraded or [TS]

00:23:43   updated who anything where you felt like [TS]

00:23:48   that was not just knew that there was up [TS]

00:23:53   there was a market improvement in what [TS]

00:23:55   was already there right [TS]

00:23:58   not not that often and it's usually a [TS]

00:24:01   different disagree but sometimes by been [TS]

00:24:05   sort of my identity the fact that the [TS]

00:24:07   operating system on the phone gets [TS]

00:24:08   better the people who make the apps that [TS]

00:24:10   I use or sometimes able to do something [TS]

00:24:12   really really quite amazing and actually [TS]

00:24:14   very useful from the minute I get it [TS]

00:24:16   that is one place where I do see that [TS]

00:24:18   improvement now it is that something [TS]

00:24:21   where having you know millions literally [TS]

00:24:23   millions of apps on the App Store has [TS]

00:24:24   led to like being better absolutely not [TS]

00:24:26   it's a shitshow but now in regular life [TS]

00:24:28   I mean our friend John Syracuse's talked [TS]

00:24:30   about with toaster ovens you think about [TS]

00:24:32   the toaster oven of your childhood like [TS]

00:24:34   that's to me that's a pretty great [TS]

00:24:35   example like the toaster oven that we [TS]

00:24:37   had it was before Black & Decker later [TS]

00:24:41   would be a black & decker model i think [TS]

00:24:42   there was this [TS]

00:24:43   toaster oven that everybody had in 1978 [TS]

00:24:45   i remember it was flawless [TS]

00:24:47   I mean not flawless but they still work [TS]

00:24:49   now if you find one of the thrift store [TS]

00:24:50   plugin oh there's so many grandmas and [TS]

00:24:52   grandpas still have this thing and it [TS]

00:24:53   works great it does what it needs to do [TS]

00:24:55   it makes toast fast independently it has [TS]

00:24:57   an analog dial that lets you choose [TS]

00:24:59   exactly how dark you wanted to be and [TS]

00:25:01   you can also make a stop first meal in [TS]

00:25:02   it [TS]

00:25:03   yeah stouffer's and like you know so I [TS]

00:25:06   mean yeah whatever old man talk but you [TS]

00:25:08   know instead now you go to walgreens and [TS]

00:25:09   you get a toast for nineteen dollars [TS]

00:25:11   that suggests it's a piece of shit [TS]

00:25:13   yeah so i don't know i mean it will not [TS]

00:25:15   can we just say knob know what I can't [TS]

00:25:18   we have more knobs not such a good idea [TS]

00:25:21   I don't want a digital display I don't [TS]

00:25:22   want a button I don't want to scroll [TS]

00:25:23   through something give me a knob [TS]

00:25:25   this is it's a great scroll you actually [TS]

00:25:28   literally scroll especially like a ticky [TS]

00:25:30   ticky ticky knob like a ticky ticky we [TS]

00:25:33   can go like you know it three notches [TS]

00:25:34   means on your old clock radio or you [TS]

00:25:36   know like in your car stereo you know [TS]

00:25:38   think about all acdelco were you exactly [TS]

00:25:40   how to turn to get right to key 15 you [TS]

00:25:43   exactly how much motion took oh yeah do [TS]

00:25:48   you want to know a secret [TS]

00:25:49   yes do you want to know a secret from [TS]

00:25:51   that movie [TS]

00:25:52   do you promise not to towels and deals [TS]

00:25:55   this weekend want this in the beatles [TS]

00:25:58   this weekend [TS]

00:25:58   they're a good band yeah you know George [TS]

00:26:01   George read some kind of kind of mean [TS]

00:26:04   songs he had a little bit of Rolling [TS]

00:26:05   Stones fever he was really mad women for [TS]

00:26:07   a while [TS]

00:26:08   well George you know like still waters [TS]

00:26:11   run deep [TS]

00:26:11   yeah except in the case of George the [TS]

00:26:15   water fairly run from but he got way [TS]

00:26:17   better even by revolver like something I [TS]

00:26:20   want to tell you is is a much better [TS]

00:26:23   song he's you know my favorite people [TS]

00:26:26   obviously but he really yeah okay I [TS]

00:26:30   don't know how I missed that [TS]

00:26:32   yeah okay continue um but he he was a [TS]

00:26:37   dark little dude and that's why he went [TS]

00:26:40   to the to the Swami land i want to swami [TS]

00:26:45   little regime a schmoo right and then [TS]

00:26:48   then hare krishna who [TS]

00:26:50   who which is actually hari krishna m dot [TS]

00:26:55   nevada nevada nevada Harry hari uh-huh [TS]

00:26:58   you wouldn't call it Harry krishna right [TS]

00:27:00   Harry krishna what that's my father's [TS]

00:27:02   name lookup mr. Christian but uh but [TS]

00:27:08   George actually like ashes Christians [TS]

00:27:10   monster haha yeah sorry [TS]

00:27:16   reseƱa he changed it Ellis segment I [TS]

00:27:20   officials like the like the you know [TS]

00:27:23   whatever was dark and fucked up about [TS]

00:27:25   lennon was right on the face of things [TS]

00:27:27   whatever was dark about Paul his true [TS]

00:27:31   darkness Paul's darkness i think was and [TS]

00:27:33   Paul is probably the darkest man that [TS]

00:27:35   ever lived but it is so very Baltimore [TS]

00:27:38   think that ball if you if you took if [TS]

00:27:42   you took the they live of human face [TS]

00:27:45   mask off of Paul you would find a you [TS]

00:27:48   would find a mini tentacled cthulhu [TS]

00:27:51   really yeah [TS]

00:27:53   Ringo is the only person the only beetle [TS]

00:27:56   who is genuinely nice like Ringo is is [TS]

00:28:00   purely a nice person i believe that but [TS]

00:28:02   George there's something there's [TS]

00:28:05   something darken in George that you know [TS]

00:28:07   that a that he tried to solve let's call [TS]

00:28:11   let's say George tried to solve his [TS]

00:28:14   darkness and I and I admire him for that [TS]

00:28:16   that's one of the reasons he's my [TS]

00:28:18   favorite people [TS]

00:28:19   he's also the smallest people know me [TS]

00:28:22   Tony Ringo is taller than George well I [TS]

00:28:25   don't know if he's taller than George [TS]

00:28:26   but he's bigger than George huh [TS]

00:28:29   right like smallness George kind of [TS]

00:28:31   narrow gorge is narrow i think if you [TS]

00:28:33   put them in a mass spectrometer ok [TS]

00:28:36   George would have the seals and a [TS]

00:28:38   spectrometer [TS]

00:28:39   oh no my low but George's my face is [TS]

00:28:44   that more molecular molecular weight [TS]

00:28:46   Ringo does the Ringo yeah these [TS]

00:28:49   molecules are bigger ok but there are a [TS]

00:28:53   few songs by George that just make me as [TS]

00:28:58   happy as any as any music [TS]

00:29:02   and it's um I can't explain exactly why [TS]

00:29:07   uh yeah i'm sorry i'm typing now that's [TS]

00:29:13   fine um I can explain exactly why these [TS]

00:29:16   these these George Harrison tunes made [TS]

00:29:21   me happier than almost any other Beatles [TS]

00:29:24   but but they did right like I want to [TS]

00:29:28   tell you how to does that not make you [TS]

00:29:31   happy just to think about it now but [TS]

00:29:33   like sample like I like everything about [TS]

00:29:35   that song [TS]

00:29:36   yes it's really feel something up but he [TS]

00:29:39   doesn't know why it but it's also just [TS]

00:29:41   the music I'm just kind of singing in my [TS]

00:29:43   head it's very angular for the time then [TS]

00:29:45   and it's kinda got a weird it's got a [TS]

00:29:48   weird vibe for the time [TS]

00:29:50   dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb i mean that's [TS]

00:29:52   that's a heavy jam it's got that cool [TS]

00:29:54   bridge [TS]

00:29:55   what's a boy truffle is something that [TS]

00:29:58   you just go WTF that's not you nobody [TS]

00:30:03   puts that on the list of best beatles [TS]

00:30:04   songs but i really really like it and [TS]

00:30:08   then within you without you [TS]

00:30:10   that's what we're talking about the [TS]

00:30:11   space to ourselves [TS]

00:30:13   that's right ok George Harrison Beatles [TS]

00:30:15   and uh and it is i get that solo record [TS]

00:30:20   which is just like whoo right we let [TS]

00:30:22   what is life [TS]

00:30:23   I mean come on it's easier to make no [TS]

00:30:25   sensible what if lyrics guy I'm just got [TS]

00:30:29   down our narrow narrow its man that gets [TS]

00:30:32   got some he's got so many killer riffs [TS]

00:30:34   the horns on that like oh and I oh my [TS]

00:30:37   god no no I i suggest to you this [TS]

00:30:40   yeah go into the internet okay I'm going [TS]

00:30:43   in now go up the go up the stream [TS]

00:30:46   through the valve pass that test the [TS]

00:30:48   tendrils to through a tendril all the [TS]

00:30:50   way to the cave under the bridge orb [TS]

00:30:52   don't don't don't listen to it right now [TS]

00:30:55   because we're doing a podcast right but [TS]

00:30:58   there is a there is a track on the [TS]

00:31:00   Internet of clapton playing guitar on [TS]

00:31:07   what his life was an isolated track [TS]

00:31:12   well wait a minute he George so I love [TS]

00:31:15   this because of the [TS]

00:31:15   story that it suggests George had [TS]

00:31:17   Clapton in his pal his wife stealer [TS]

00:31:20   uh-huh and clapped and laid down a track [TS]

00:31:23   on what is life that George did not use [TS]

00:31:26   what is life secondly guitar [TS]

00:31:29   yeah okay well and he's gotten but it's [TS]

00:31:31   a rhythm it's a rhythm track so there's [TS]

00:31:33   a if he plays the lead i didn't hear it [TS]

00:31:35   but he does play a rhythm track that's [TS]

00:31:38   very very Clapton that's all like [TS]

00:31:40   chicken back toward on plant want to [TS]

00:31:43   grip down in particular [TS]

00:31:44   he's dead just got like he's got a whole [TS]

00:31:46   part it's not just a he's not just [TS]

00:31:48   laying down a strumming acoustic he's [TS]

00:31:50   got like a he's doing a bit throughout [TS]

00:31:52   that's Clapton II and I was like is this [TS]

00:31:55   in there as I was listening to it was [TS]

00:31:57   like is this in the track i can't [TS]

00:31:58   believe it [TS]

00:31:59   this is such a like Clapton you chicka [TS]

00:32:02   chicka [TS]

00:32:03   it's like a chew its not its chillin and [TS]

00:32:06   I don't have that song juke remember [TS]

00:32:07   chicken I remember it having of a tank [TS]

00:32:10   again gonna get like a sick scored like [TS]

00:32:12   a thing you know I mean that that's what [TS]

00:32:14   I remember the rhythm guitar being well [TS]

00:32:16   so then you go listen to the track and [TS]

00:32:17   you realize George had George head a [TS]

00:32:20   George Clapton come in charge captain [TS]

00:32:22   and play this track and then he was like [TS]

00:32:26   when they were mixing it he said it's [TS]

00:32:29   not really working and he pulled it out [TS]

00:32:30   because it would have totally changed [TS]

00:32:32   the tune and that's a thing that George [TS]

00:32:35   Harrison can do not use the clapton [TS]

00:32:38   track what you're clapping came in and [TS]

00:32:40   played some jubilant thing on a long [TS]

00:32:41   winter song I'd feel somewhat obligated [TS]

00:32:43   to have it in the track right but [TS]

00:32:47   George's like now [TS]

00:32:49   no that's not what that's not what i'm [TS]

00:32:51   going for and I thought that was pretty [TS]

00:32:53   cool like mute the clapton ok i'll check [TS]

00:32:56   that out and try to see some of that [TS]

00:32:58   one's here [TS]

00:32:58   I think you'll like it um look at a few [TS]

00:33:02   you know you do [TS]

00:33:05   imagine my tell you i mean my need you [TS]

00:33:10   somewhere mmm that you you know Harvey [TS]

00:33:16   danger covered that too when I [TS]

00:33:17   the band really there's a local band has [TS]

00:33:19   a cover that too it's it's such a great [TS]

00:33:21   little 3-quart pop song that is that's [TS]

00:33:23   nice [TS]

00:33:23   oh man did you know I don't know if I've [TS]

00:33:26   ever told you this [TS]

00:33:27   we did not have a toaster oven in my [TS]

00:33:29   home when I was growing up he did not [TS]

00:33:31   have a toaster oven in your really no [TS]

00:33:34   tools no toaster oven we had a toaster [TS]

00:33:36   well I know that you and your sister you [TS]

00:33:38   got your mystery brother you never talk [TS]

00:33:39   about but this is you and your sister [TS]

00:33:41   living with your mom [TS]

00:33:42   that's right no toaster no toaster oven [TS]

00:33:44   was it on like ethical moral grounds why [TS]

00:33:46   would you not [TS]

00:33:47   and this was this was one of this is [TS]

00:33:48   like not having a calculator in your [TS]

00:33:50   house [TS]

00:33:50   well we had calculator sure use them all [TS]

00:33:53   the time she's not afraid of science and [TS]

00:33:54   math know my mom's the original stem [TS]

00:33:56   baller [TS]

00:33:57   that's right she had we had one of the [TS]

00:33:59   first chicken soup maybe 1 John my mom I [TS]

00:34:03   don't think made a calculator but she [TS]

00:34:04   knew how to use a graphing calculator [TS]

00:34:05   Oh hot which I never figured out no [TS]

00:34:08   sense but you know I could find it [TS]

00:34:13   I could I could push the cosine button [TS]

00:34:15   and watch what it did [TS]

00:34:18   that's that's going on your CV you know [TS]

00:34:21   I i spent many an afternoon pushing a [TS]

00:34:23   pushing the cosine button1 roulette [TS]

00:34:26   shale shale oil boobs but I but here's a [TS]

00:34:32   here's the weird business is that I had [TS]

00:34:36   never seen a toaster of them we just [TS]

00:34:39   didn't have one it was it never came up [TS]

00:34:42   my dad didn't have one either and then [TS]

00:34:45   later on in life like when I went to [TS]

00:34:47   college [TS]

00:34:48   some kid had a toaster oven in his room [TS]

00:34:50   and I was like what's this miraculous [TS]

00:34:52   thing you can put a piece of pizza in [TS]

00:34:55   there and it it makes it like so much [TS]

00:34:58   better than microwave pete's sake [TS]

00:35:00   yeah we we had we had no access to this [TS]

00:35:02   technology and I think if we wanted to [TS]

00:35:04   heat up a pizza we turned on the oven [TS]

00:35:07   yep but we did it we were early adopters [TS]

00:35:10   of microwaves [TS]

00:35:12   ok so so your mom to have a microwave we [TS]

00:35:14   got a microwave a fairly early in the [TS]

00:35:17   consumer ionization of of a nuclear [TS]

00:35:20   power to hell but the youngsters today [TS]

00:35:22   the millenniums will not remember that [TS]

00:35:24   we got our first 1i want to say 77 78 78 [TS]

00:35:27   and better than that but but no but [TS]

00:35:30   being a why because it was yeah well its [TS]

00:35:33   gonna be like having hiroshima in your [TS]

00:35:34   kitchen yeah you turn it on when you run [TS]

00:35:36   into the other room and you tell me you [TS]

00:35:38   got like nuclear technology in your oven [TS]

00:35:40   you think that doors gonna protect you [TS]

00:35:42   yeah well so we got ours in about [TS]

00:35:45   nineteen eighty but it was the size of a [TS]

00:35:47   stereo speaker and I mean the size of a [TS]

00:35:50   nineteen eighty stereos because sure [TS]

00:35:52   write it it had it was this if you could [TS]

00:35:54   put two woofers but the usable space [TS]

00:35:56   inside was still kinda surpassingly [TS]

00:35:58   small there's a lot of stuff in the oven [TS]

00:36:00   by 1980 they had made it so that you [TS]

00:36:03   it's not like you're going to put a [TS]

00:36:04   turkey in there and if you did put a [TS]

00:36:06   turkey in there would either explode or [TS]

00:36:08   become like it would it would have the [TS]

00:36:11   consistency of flawed i tried i tried to [TS]

00:36:13   cook a chicken once in college I tried [TS]

00:36:16   to cook a chicken in the microwave it [TS]

00:36:18   was unspeakable what to do this animal [TS]

00:36:21   haha yeah what did you do well you know [TS]

00:36:25   there was a time when i start to capture [TS]

00:36:27   story but there's a time when you can [TS]

00:36:28   get microwave because in the original [TS]

00:36:29   vision of microwaves I think the [TS]

00:36:31   marketing geniuses realized that the [TS]

00:36:34   microwave parts or like steve jobs in [TS]

00:36:36   the iphone were like we had to get want [TS]

00:36:37   to give you this internet communicator [TS]

00:36:39   but we had to call the phone otherwise [TS]

00:36:40   you wouldn't buy and in this case this [TS]

00:36:42   is a whole new technology but it also [TS]

00:36:45   had to feel like a regular oven so we do [TS]

00:36:47   stuff like browning you'd have like a [TS]

00:36:48   little like up cover burner in there [TS]

00:36:50   where you can brown things people like [TS]

00:36:52   why would I because people the idea [TS]

00:36:54   about microwaves was there dangerous [TS]

00:36:55   than a few food toxic and it doesn't [TS]

00:36:58   really cook anything except maybe [TS]

00:36:59   scrambled eggs and then that's really [TS]

00:37:01   gross [TS]

00:37:01   that was the thought or you know bacon [TS]

00:37:03   you can make bacon your microwave and by [TS]

00:37:04   the way I've got a great pic and recipe [TS]

00:37:05   for you but but [TS]

00:37:07   so this one did not have that if it did [TS]

00:37:09   happen i didn't use it i didn't really [TS]

00:37:11   understand how to use a microwave and [TS]

00:37:12   with everything you can imagine being [TS]

00:37:13   horribly wrong about this food it just [TS]

00:37:15   it made it like it was just it was kinda [TS]

00:37:17   like a big pile of human skin [TS]

00:37:20   yeah was it was yellow ok it was yellow [TS]

00:37:24   and kind of crackly and it was very very [TS]

00:37:27   unpleasant and I had to just have to [TS]

00:37:28   just let go a little bit of a crack one [TS]

00:37:30   road cracks so you just toss the old [TS]

00:37:34   trick what do you do you know I hate [TS]

00:37:35   throwing food away but you know what it [TS]

00:37:37   looks like and also used to cook my [TS]

00:37:38   bathroom in college [TS]

00:37:40   that's a different issue the microwave [TS]

00:37:41   that we had in 1980 we continue to have [TS]

00:37:45   through the eighties into the nineties [TS]

00:37:47   and then when I moved to Seattle I took [TS]

00:37:50   said microwave did have a handling a [TS]

00:37:52   chunk it had a boat went to chunk it one [TS]

00:37:54   could jump like a vault door [TS]

00:37:56   yeah like but like I like the deep [TS]

00:37:57   freeze at a restaurant and had like a [TS]

00:37:58   latch it didn't have just like a little [TS]

00:38:00   door that swung open you had to go cut [TS]

00:38:02   chunk no it wasn't a like industrial [TS]

00:38:04   food service one it was consumed it was [TS]

00:38:08   you know what had a woodgrain finish [TS]

00:38:10   bright stars [TS]

00:38:11   um but but I put it on top of the [TS]

00:38:14   refrigerator in my apartment in in [TS]

00:38:16   seattle and it was the same width as the [TS]

00:38:19   refrigerator like it sat on top it's [TS]

00:38:21   that proudly Wow on top of the [TS]

00:38:23   refrigerator giant microwave and then [TS]

00:38:27   one day I came home I opened the door [TS]

00:38:29   and will open my front door and was [TS]

00:38:32   greeted with a blast of hot air and I [TS]

00:38:35   was like what [TS]

00:38:37   hey uh huh and I could see into my [TS]

00:38:39   apartment and I saw that all the windows [TS]

00:38:42   were steamed and I was like what the who [TS]

00:38:45   what did I leave the shower on is there [TS]

00:38:49   someone and then I was for a brief [TS]

00:38:51   moment I was like be is there some [TS]

00:38:53   amazing woman that's come into my [TS]

00:38:55   apartment is showering and when I walk [TS]

00:38:58   into my place she's gonna get out of the [TS]

00:39:00   shower [TS]

00:39:00   she's probably in trouble and say that [TS]

00:39:02   she had trouble she's place to go to get [TS]

00:39:04   a quick shower [TS]

00:39:05   she's either in trouble or she says in a [TS]

00:39:07   Russian accent huh [TS]

00:39:09   we've been watching you m or something [TS]

00:39:11   many movies I've seen let me to believe [TS]

00:39:13   this would be that is a fairly plausible [TS]

00:39:15   explanation for why of steam in your [TS]

00:39:17   house [TS]

00:39:17   sure I kept I I stood there and I was [TS]

00:39:19   like this is you know like I I then mind [TS]

00:39:23   taking out my pistol who from inside my [TS]

00:39:26   shoulder holster between my tweed jacket [TS]

00:39:29   and my turtleneck [TS]

00:39:30   and then I appeared into the bathroom [TS]

00:39:33   thinking that there would be a lovely [TS]

00:39:35   russian spy who stepped out but in fact [TS]

00:39:37   there was not and then I walked into the [TS]

00:39:38   kitchen and the microwave was on [TS]

00:39:41   oh and had been on all day with nothing [TS]

00:39:46   in it turned itself on know and I was [TS]

00:39:50   like what [TS]

00:39:51   oh no no no what the what yeah and I ran [TS]

00:39:55   in and I pushed stop on the on the [TS]

00:39:59   button and it did not stop it did not [TS]

00:40:03   want to stop and so I think even in 1996 [TS]

00:40:12   when this was i think i did at [TS]

00:40:15   absolutely feel like maybe the entire [TS]

00:40:18   apartment was full of radon and Iran [TS]

00:40:22   that's like that's one of the first [TS]

00:40:24   rules i mean one of one of the rules is [TS]

00:40:26   don't you ever put metal in the [TS]

00:40:28   microwave and the other one is you never [TS]

00:40:29   have nothing in the microwave right and [TS]

00:40:32   I never really got the full explanation [TS]

00:40:33   about why that would be I can second [TS]

00:40:35   speculate but I think radon is a very [TS]

00:40:37   that's a pretty predictable outcome [TS]

00:40:39   radon or a older Eaton's yeah meetin's [TS]

00:40:44   huh [TS]

00:40:45   so I then I ran back in unplugged it and [TS]

00:40:49   then stayed out of there for the rest of [TS]

00:40:51   the day came back in very suspiciously [TS]

00:40:54   still no one interesting in the shower [TS]

00:40:56   and I immediately said about moving out [TS]

00:40:59   of this apartment and when I moved out i [TS]

00:41:02   left the microwave because this was also [TS]

00:41:04   the apartment this was the apartment [TS]

00:41:05   where the manager said i did not make [TS]

00:41:07   the rat God made the wrap and so get [TS]

00:41:12   your least sir [TS]

00:41:13   and so it says right there God made the [TS]

00:41:15   rack it's it was a force majeure what [TS]

00:41:18   ok that's God right that's not matter at [TS]

00:41:20   yeah so this was the apartment that so [TS]

00:41:23   here's how i left the apartment right [TS]

00:41:24   under the refrigerator i took all the [TS]

00:41:27   white bombs and I left the microwave [TS]

00:41:29   that will ship it so II he either had a [TS]

00:41:34   real mess to clean up or he just rented [TS]

00:41:37   the apartment with the microwave [TS]

00:41:39   I don't know if you plug it back in and [TS]

00:41:40   it started running again [TS]

00:41:43   like I don't know which one of the [TS]

00:41:45   little the little like synapses the open [TS]

00:41:49   closed doors the the on/off so the ones [TS]

00:41:52   and zeros [TS]

00:41:53   uh-huh I don't know which one shorted [TS]

00:41:55   out so that this thing was like I'm on [TS]

00:41:57   now you can't keep me off haha imagine [TS]

00:42:02   you've been away for the weekend that's [TS]

00:42:03   why my works is I feel like Oh imagine [TS]

00:42:05   that went on for like a Liberty weekend [TS]

00:42:07   you know how long how long before [TS]

00:42:08   melting itself [TS]

00:42:09   I mean it's steamed up the house I don't [TS]

00:42:11   even know where it got all that steam [TS]

00:42:12   isn't one of the rules of Robotics [TS]

00:42:13   you're not allowed to hurt people [TS]

00:42:15   right yeah he can't hurt other [TS]

00:42:17   microwaves right don't go on by yourself [TS]

00:42:19   right Stan stay on the roads down the [TS]

00:42:21   Moores one of the rules of our local [TS]

00:42:24   employers ya never a never initiate a [TS]

00:42:29   land war in Asia brightness is she on [TS]

00:42:31   sunday i don't invade Russia in the fall [TS]

00:42:34   mhm up against this is necessary and get [TS]

00:42:36   this online but all these things should [TS]

00:42:41   have been in the microwaves prime [TS]

00:42:42   directive why we're not putting out [TS]

00:42:43   ebooks we can help so many people do you [TS]

00:42:46   know many people have microwaves and [TS]

00:42:47   don't really know all the all the laws [TS]

00:42:49   and rules there are 40 Merlin Mann [TS]

00:42:51   parody accounts on Twitter but there's [TS]

00:42:54   no Merlin Mann ebooks [TS]

00:42:55   oh yeah yeah we get the bottom does that [TS]

00:42:58   I would be indistinguishable from actual [TS]

00:43:00   account [TS]

00:43:00   yeah I I feel the same way i don't think [TS]

00:43:02   i'm on my account is where but people [TS]

00:43:04   tell me it's where John syracuse I think [TS]

00:43:05   my comments very weird and I don't get [TS]

00:43:07   that you make references to things that [TS]

00:43:10   are flying through the sky [TS]

00:43:11   yeah that can all be googled well but [TS]

00:43:14   there goes now and you see it and you [TS]

00:43:16   refer to it but in a lot of cases no one [TS]

00:43:19   else thought oh I see [TS]

00:43:21   see what I mean yeah at least like two [TS]

00:43:24   policemen saw they chased it over a hill [TS]

00:43:27   they're not gonna talk about that like a [TS]

00:43:28   pilot like a pilot less than pallets [TS]

00:43:29   going to do is say oh yeah I saw new foe [TS]

00:43:32   yeah you know you do that that's a quick [TS]

00:43:33   trip to retirement right there I watched [TS]

00:43:35   a i watched a an actual like documentary [TS]

00:43:41   but like someone was filming in a [TS]

00:43:42   control tower at some point in the [TS]

00:43:44   nineteen seventies and there was a there [TS]

00:43:47   was a new foe [TS]

00:43:49   and the control guys were talking to the [TS]

00:43:51   pilots and they were like three pilots [TS]

00:43:53   that saw it and they all were describing [TS]

00:43:55   it to each other and they were all [TS]

00:43:56   talking about it and then at the end and [TS]

00:43:59   then all the you know like at the end [TS]

00:44:01   the air traffic controller was like do [TS]

00:44:04   you want to report this [TS]

00:44:06   and there was a long pause and you could [TS]

00:44:09   hear the pilots go about me- i don't [TS]

00:44:12   want to report it and they're there and [TS]

00:44:14   it just went downstream little jiminy [TS]

00:44:16   Christmas [TS]

00:44:17   merrily merrily merrily who is the thing [TS]

00:44:19   is we talked about this before but you [TS]

00:44:21   know was it with regards to the [TS]

00:44:22   anchorman UFOs you know if you're in a [TS]

00:44:24   cockpit a lot forgive my french but like [TS]

00:44:27   if you're in there a lot you've seen a [TS]

00:44:28   lot of stuff you've identified a lot of [TS]

00:44:30   stuff is this thing and not that thing [TS]

00:44:32   and it seems to me if you've done that [TS]

00:44:34   for even like a few years if you see [TS]

00:44:37   something that doesn't seem right [TS]

00:44:38   I mean you know maybe this corner cases [TS]

00:44:40   but i think all weather balloon they [TS]

00:44:41   know stuff like that [TS]

00:44:43   yeah that sounds like a jam up to me and [TS]

00:44:45   a lot of the time that you're piloting [TS]

00:44:47   and looking at stuff the whole game is [TS]

00:44:50   what is that and how far away is it [TS]

00:44:52   right like what altitude is it what [TS]

00:44:55   direction is moving [TS]

00:44:56   how far away is it and what speed is it [TS]

00:44:58   go except really where we can we sit on [TS]

00:45:01   our back porch sometimes we like to send [TS]

00:45:02   our back porch and just look at the sky [TS]

00:45:03   and one of our little games is to notice [TS]

00:45:05   how many things are planes because I [TS]

00:45:07   guess is a flight pattern out over the [TS]

00:45:09   Pacific which is what we look at from [TS]

00:45:10   our back porch and there are times when [TS]

00:45:13   my daughter and I will both look up and [TS]

00:45:14   get those planes look way too close and [TS]

00:45:17   they look like they're heading in the [TS]

00:45:18   same direction obviously they must not [TS]

00:45:20   be I've looked at flightaware your spend [TS]

00:45:21   time on flightaware he must've huh [TS]

00:45:24   it's a nice program i spent a lot of [TS]

00:45:26   time looking at flight patterns but in [TS]

00:45:27   this case you can now I know that's [TS]

00:45:29   because I don't know how far apart those [TS]

00:45:30   things actually are [TS]

00:45:31   yeah they've got a pilot man I don't [TS]

00:45:34   know man [TS]

00:45:35   so those guys I mean you ever write you [TS]

00:45:38   ever look out the window of a plane that [TS]

00:45:39   you're flying in and then all of a [TS]

00:45:41   sudden a plane going the other way goes [TS]

00:45:42   by really fast happened to me last year [TS]

00:45:44   and it scared the shit out of me [TS]

00:45:46   I think there's no way this this is a [TS]

00:45:48   good idea whoa there goes it's one thing [TS]

00:45:51   people see a plane but to be able to [TS]

00:45:52   actually interpret like see that oh I [TS]

00:45:54   can see that this plane is going this [TS]

00:45:55   much faster or slower than my plan is to [TS]

00:45:57   god damn close [TS]

00:45:58   yeah you get the with called parallax [TS]

00:46:00   effect get a little bit [TS]

00:46:01   parallax effect whoo-hoo but so that's [TS]

00:46:03   all pilots to all day long they're like [TS]

00:46:05   to do so here's the thing and then they [TS]

00:46:09   call them they say I see the thing or [TS]

00:46:11   the tower the tower calls them and says [TS]

00:46:12   do you see that thing huh [TS]

00:46:14   and you know yet said you know it's it's [TS]

00:46:17   2,000 feet above me and it's moving in [TS]

00:46:19   this direction like that's it that's the [TS]

00:46:21   whole that's all they do [TS]

00:46:23   so when they say I don't know what that [TS]

00:46:25   is but that doesn't belong here a and [TS]

00:46:29   here's how fast it's moving here's how [TS]

00:46:31   big it is [TS]

00:46:32   here's how far away it is and the tower [TS]

00:46:35   goes my either see that or I don't let's [TS]

00:46:38   call over to the military base and see [TS]

00:46:39   what they say and the military base [TS]

00:46:41   predictably says not one of ours then [TS]

00:46:45   what do you do [TS]

00:46:45   right then but you don't want to report [TS]

00:46:47   it because then you're going to be on [TS]

00:46:48   the front page of the newspaper one at [TS]

00:46:50   this point it's like calling wave em we [TS]

00:46:52   don't mean they're gonna return now [TS]

00:46:53   they're gonna be like what looks fine [TS]

00:46:55   from here that's not weird you're gonna [TS]

00:46:56   say reset your router that's right just [TS]

00:46:58   unplug it not into it not into george [TS]

00:47:02   harrison modems you had something else [TS]

00:47:05   microwaves you know what's great about [TS]

00:47:08   flightaware you know these programs that [TS]

00:47:11   allow you to and it might even be [TS]

00:47:13   flattered that allow you to put in the [TS]

00:47:14   tail numbers of aircraft Florida [TS]

00:47:16   flightaware yeah yeah I or the bed at [TS]

00:47:18   the registration number of a boat and [TS]

00:47:21   find out who owns it and what launching [TS]

00:47:24   of that that's interesting [TS]

00:47:25   there's a boat 12 that will tell you [TS]

00:47:27   every boat that's on the water and all [TS]

00:47:31   their IDs and you can click on them and [TS]

00:47:33   see it so if you're in a if you're into [TS]

00:47:35   place and you see a giant yacht in your [TS]

00:47:36   like what asshole owns that yeah right [TS]

00:47:38   you can click it and over it is [TS]

00:47:40   all-aware putting down the button over [TS]

00:47:43   and then I God forgave Britt no don't [TS]

00:47:47   know he's a wonderful wonderful man [TS]

00:47:48   helps a lot of useful I think he's [TS]

00:47:50   listening to us right now and as I is [TS]

00:47:52   google glass [TS]

00:47:52   hello well but the other day John [TS]

00:47:57   Hodgman was somewhere probably London [TS]

00:48:00   and he sent me a picture of a Learjet [TS]

00:48:02   that was painted all black a flat black [TS]

00:48:06   Learjet and right on the front of it was [TS]

00:48:09   the old Woody Woodpecker [TS]

00:48:12   like a like a like a blue with the extra [TS]

00:48:15   elongated bill [TS]

00:48:17   no just the other long bill right but no [TS]

00:48:20   body just the head like the station the [TS]

00:48:23   same tattoo that was on the guy in let's [TS]

00:48:28   face and raising and john matuszak john [TS]

00:48:30   matuszak why do I know that and also [TS]

00:48:33   nicolas cage they had the same tattoo [TS]

00:48:35   because they were what brothers who [TS]

00:48:38   well now we don't know that's that [TS]

00:48:39   that's one that's one of the mysteries [TS]

00:48:40   of raising arizona sure what were they [TS]

00:48:42   want frat brothers know we want as one [TS]

00:48:47   to close of another mother brothers of [TS]

00:48:49   another mother what's the story there [TS]

00:48:51   boom will never see it because he's [TS]

00:48:53   blown up [TS]

00:48:54   spoiler alert and get em oh yeah that [TS]

00:48:57   was sad [TS]

00:48:57   he's I think he's one of the great [TS]

00:48:59   xboxing actors [TS]

00:49:01   oh he was a boxer but he was a boxer [TS]

00:49:03   this before they had ultimate fighting [TS]

00:49:04   especially just have boxing up [TS]

00:49:07   was he a fighter by trade my geometry [TS]

00:49:09   Zach yeah absolutely carry a reminder of [TS]

00:49:12   every glove that laid him down or cut [TS]

00:49:13   him until we cried out his anger and his [TS]

00:49:16   pain [TS]

00:49:17   shame shame John wait jama to know and [TS]

00:49:20   that Jammeh to Zach was a football [TS]

00:49:21   player who might think enough [TS]

00:49:23   Ray's got great i had no ready ready [TS]

00:49:26   rent ex-cop Randall Texcoco even had [TS]

00:49:29   heard that name because I probably [TS]

00:49:31   google in one time because i thought it [TS]

00:49:32   was fascinating six-foot-three born 1950 [TS]

00:49:35   he did boxing and karate a you know I'm [TS]

00:49:38   six-foot-three know he seems bigger than [TS]

00:49:40   me he isn't it funny how that works [TS]

00:49:41   isn't forced perspective thing John [TS]

00:49:43   well I think it's because a lot of [TS]

00:49:44   Hollywood actors are small in stature [TS]

00:49:47   how tall is Nicolas Cage I bet they say [TS]

00:49:48   he's five-ten what they say six six foot [TS]

00:49:51   tall but he's really 59 [TS]

00:49:52   okay i'm gonna say Nicholas Cage is 61 [TS]

00:49:55   Nicolas Cage you know you really fast [TS]

00:49:59   now I'm going now Nicholas Cage is [TS]

00:50:02   related to engage feet [TS]

00:50:04   Nicolas Cage Nicholas Cage's 660 [TS]

00:50:07   according to the ASC that means 5 9 12 [TS]

00:50:10   inches taller than Tom Cruise turns out [TS]

00:50:12   yeah he's not he's not at all John [TS]

00:50:14   Travolta 62 [TS]

00:50:16   no yeah seems like a stretch well Leumi [TS]

00:50:20   less alone 5 10 [TS]

00:50:22   please please no chance everything I [TS]

00:50:25   think he's little and then somebody I [TS]

00:50:27   somebody I know a just published a photo [TS]

00:50:30   of themselves on their zine and they [TS]

00:50:36   were standing next to sylvester stallone [TS]

00:50:37   and he was the size of a wastepaper [TS]

00:50:39   basket this November we head to the [TS]

00:50:46   polls and select the 45th President of [TS]

00:50:48   the United States of America but today [TS]

00:50:52   cards against humanity is asking you to [TS]

00:50:55   vote with your dollar for the candidate [TS]

00:50:58   that you support [TS]

00:51:01   the Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton [TS]

00:51:03   is a graduate of Yale Law School who has [TS]

00:51:06   served our country as secretary of state [TS]

00:51:09   senator from New York and First Lady of [TS]

00:51:13   the United States in her decades of [TS]

00:51:17   public service [TS]

00:51:18   she has tirelessly advocated for women's [TS]

00:51:20   rights campaign finance reform and [TS]

00:51:23   access to healthcare [TS]

00:51:26   the Republican candidate Donald Trump [TS]

00:51:30   will make America great again he is a [TS]

00:51:33   powerful CEO who wears three suits at [TS]

00:51:38   once all across America buildings scream [TS]

00:51:42   his name Trump Trump he always knows [TS]

00:51:46   what time it is [TS]

00:51:50   Donald Trump is a huge man who lives in [TS]

00:51:54   a golf course at the end of this [TS]

00:51:58   promotion cards against humanity will [TS]

00:52:00   tally up the sales of both packs and [TS]

00:52:03   depending on which pack gets more [TS]

00:52:05   support we will donate all the money in [TS]

00:52:08   support of Hillary Clinton [TS]

00:52:11   exercise your sacred franchise at [TS]

00:52:15   www.bulbamerica.com with cards against [TS]

00:52:20   humanity dot-com [TS]

00:52:23   he was what I think an office an office [TS]

00:52:27   wastepaper basket [TS]

00:52:28   yeah his nose was wider than he was tall [TS]

00:52:30   out here anyway Hodgman sent me this [TS]

00:52:32   picture of this airplane and he said [TS]

00:52:33   let's buy this airplane and uh went to [TS]

00:52:37   the site went followed this flightaware [TS]

00:52:40   to the site and it was owned by the [TS]

00:52:42   owned by an LLC called something dumb [TS]

00:52:47   something like little woody for or I [TS]

00:52:51   don't know what it was [TS]

00:52:52   sociological corporation John I think it [TS]

00:52:54   was a situation where somebody somebody [TS]

00:52:58   with more money than brains was like I [TS]

00:53:00   want my I'm gonna get my Learjet through [TS]

00:53:03   a broker I'm gonna buy some Learjet from [TS]

00:53:06   glenn frey the grand Rite estate and I'm [TS]

00:53:10   gonna rattle can it black and put a [TS]

00:53:13   Woody Woodpecker on it and and then [TS]

00:53:16   people will know I'm coming right right [TS]

00:53:19   sure that's what i want i want to land [TS]

00:53:21   in a regional airport in my black [TS]

00:53:23   Learjet and I want people to be like I [TS]

00:53:26   don't even know about [TS]

00:53:27   flightaware but i want to download just [TS]

00:53:29   to find out who this play is it's it's [TS]

00:53:31   really it's some noble to get to that [TS]

00:53:32   point life we are successful enough that [TS]

00:53:34   nobody tells you what an asshole you are [TS]

00:53:35   haha what do you think the finishes are [TS]

00:53:38   you going to do that we can do that we [TS]

00:53:40   can paint your you betcha you betcha mr. [TS]

00:53:43   guy and you woodpecker on there so it on [TS]

00:53:46   the inside I'm thinking either it is [TS]

00:53:48   like a super eighties interior like [TS]

00:53:51   mauve linoleum right because he got it [TS]

00:53:55   from glenn frey yes or it's some [TS]

00:53:58   situation where he took a lot of bench [TS]

00:54:00   seats out of a ford f150 were like out [TS]

00:54:03   of out of out of the e350 van and just [TS]

00:54:05   bolted them in because he bought he just [TS]

00:54:08   bought the shell there's like this thing [TS]

00:54:10   needs an interior and you got it you got [TS]

00:54:13   a bunch of seeds from a bus [TS]

00:54:14   oh but I i highly doubt whole little [TS]

00:54:18   woody but they don't think his Lear jet [TS]

00:54:21   is like custom appointments inside [TS]

00:54:23   yeah all of all hat no cowboy all hat no [TS]

00:54:28   cattle is that no cattle will have okay [TS]

00:54:31   I have no doubt is this your first day I [TS]

00:54:35   have no cowboy is what you say about it [TS]

00:54:37   boy coast but blue partner uh yeah [TS]

00:54:44   death is raking up him too oh my gosh [TS]

00:54:47   she's just pushing the cowboy out of the [TS]

00:54:48   hill never gets any better [TS]

00:54:51   oh my goodness yeah so I but I do that [TS]

00:54:55   so let me ask you this yeah if you were [TS]

00:54:57   going to have if you're going to have [TS]

00:54:58   somebody gave you a jet [TS]

00:55:00   ok let's say first of all that you had [TS]

00:55:02   money yeah a racket sure we go let's [TS]

00:55:06   imagine that you have money and enough [TS]

00:55:09   money you need a minute for this one be [TS]

00:55:10   sure [TS]

00:55:11   ok let the get the gears turn and I know [TS]

00:55:14   you're gonna have to boil you're gonna [TS]

00:55:15   get oil came out and start boiling let [TS]

00:55:18   my VR headset you have money enough [TS]

00:55:23   money that you that it's now reasonable [TS]

00:55:26   that if you traveled you would not want [TS]

00:55:30   to fly commercial anymore okay [TS]

00:55:32   yep because that's a tremendous [TS]

00:55:34   inconvenience you have to wait around [TS]

00:55:36   it's a sit with other people they don't [TS]

00:55:38   serve Kentucky Fried Chicken nothing's [TS]

00:55:39   gold sometimes you want to leave when [TS]

00:55:41   you want to leave you have to gather you [TS]

00:55:42   want to get there yep because you're [TS]

00:55:45   you've got money now which means you're [TS]

00:55:46   important enough that you have to be [TS]

00:55:47   played mr. guy got to be places i get [TS]

00:55:49   get back to my bedroom in Manhattan [TS]

00:55:51   because it's literally the only place I [TS]

00:55:52   can sleep right right exactly you need [TS]

00:55:55   your pillow my pillow but you're not [TS]

00:55:57   gonna bring your pillow now I'm not a [TS]

00:55:59   monster is your pillow stays in your bed [TS]

00:56:01   that's how you know we're so in this [TS]

00:56:02   model somebody gives me a jet and let's [TS]

00:56:04   go we just stipulate maybe a place to [TS]

00:56:06   keep it and then for the sake of [TS]

00:56:07   argument i have enough money to do [TS]

00:56:09   something with it [TS]

00:56:10   yeah you have enough money a to maintain [TS]

00:56:12   it be to keep a pilot on call boy see to [TS]

00:56:17   pay the absorbent gas bills that are [TS]

00:56:20   that you know that uh attenuate every [TS]

00:56:23   time you turn the lights on and oh I [TS]

00:56:27   know but the thing is you have enough [TS]

00:56:28   money that you don't have to think about [TS]

00:56:29   any of this stuff your you just you you [TS]

00:56:32   charge your Executive Assistant with it [TS]

00:56:34   and then the bills get paid you never [TS]

00:56:37   think about it [TS]

00:56:38   yep here's your here's your jacket cost [TS]

00:56:39   you two hundred fifty thousand dollars a [TS]

00:56:41   year [TS]

00:56:42   just so that you can fly to wherever it [TS]

00:56:45   is you need yeah but forgot like me [TS]

00:56:47   that's a rounding error right exactly [TS]

00:56:49   it's just the interest payment on your [TS]

00:56:50   boat yeah right now how would you [TS]

00:56:54   configure your jet airplane okay [TS]

00:56:58   hmm i'm not super clear on the [TS]

00:57:00   constraints but i would say I would have [TS]

00:57:03   taken my family places [TS]

00:57:05   oh yeah absolutely have the same family [TS]

00:57:06   or what we know that I've got money to [TS]

00:57:07   have a different family [TS]

00:57:08   well I think you're gonna have to have [TS]

00:57:10   the same family you have but you could [TS]

00:57:11   add additional families up to 40 k [TS]

00:57:14   sliding doors [TS]

00:57:15   I got it okay and also your family [TS]

00:57:17   doesn't have to work your daughter no [TS]

00:57:19   longer has to work or school every night [TS]

00:57:21   she'd have to work anymore right [TS]

00:57:23   yeah you know she she gets to come out [TS]

00:57:25   of she doesn't have to thread the [TS]

00:57:26   needles at the symbol factory anymore [TS]

00:57:29   yeah that's just about the symbols [TS]

00:57:31   behind little fingers out this been the [TS]

00:57:34   symbol goes but i want to buy shopkins i [TS]

00:57:36   have to work at the thimble factory [TS]

00:57:38   yeah I don't just lying around you're [TS]

00:57:40   going well I think you would have like [TS]

00:57:43   five bathrooms and a pretty nice kitchen [TS]

00:57:45   and places like soundproof rooms for [TS]

00:57:47   everyone right and see the thing is I [TS]

00:57:50   this is all speculation because i don't [TS]

00:57:51   i haven't been on a lot of fancy jets [TS]

00:57:53   big benefits everybody gets their seen a [TS]

00:57:56   lot of fancy jets for watching sherlock [TS]

00:57:57   last night we saw a fancy jet in that on [TS]

00:57:59   the inside of that of course I've seen [TS]

00:58:01   the the Republican presidents Jack many [TS]

00:58:03   times I've seen that the Air Force One [TS]

00:58:05   movie [TS]

00:58:06   yeah the most of the most of those seem [TS]

00:58:09   fairly unambitious it sounds like they [TS]

00:58:12   basically go nice chairs in more legroom [TS]

00:58:15   a table and maybe like a wet bar but not [TS]

00:58:19   really you're right that they don't [TS]

00:58:20   really go for they don't it's not very [TS]

00:58:22   fantastical it isn't like a psychedelic [TS]

00:58:24   sixties idea of a sex jet like it'sit's [TS]

00:58:27   very it seems most of these another very [TS]

00:58:29   costly know what now if I want to get [TS]

00:58:31   like like a Learjet our Gulf Stream [TS]

00:58:32   we're looking like 5 million dollars [TS]

00:58:34   oh it's a lot depending on you know it [TS]

00:58:36   goes up very quickly from like oh that's [TS]

00:58:40   an expensive indulgence [TS]

00:58:42   who to that's a ludicrous fame yeah that [TS]

00:58:46   you would have to that there's a frankly [TS]

00:58:49   no justification for like no CEO is so [TS]

00:58:52   important [TS]

00:58:53   that he needs to show his face like the [TS]

00:58:56   more important to CEO is I would think [TS]

00:58:58   the less likely he would actually have [TS]

00:59:01   to get his face in front of other people [TS]

00:59:02   that's a really good point let me ask [TS]

00:59:04   you this pop quiz hotshot how many rack [TS]

00:59:07   rate first class round trip flights per [TS]

00:59:10   year would you need to spend to make it [TS]

00:59:13   worth the effort to have a company check [TS]

00:59:15   answer anyway you want you would have to [TS]

00:59:17   be in the air all the time you would [TS]

00:59:19   have to be a super villain that was [TS]

00:59:20   getting refuel in midair [TS]

00:59:22   oh my goodness and never touch the [TS]

00:59:24   ground that costly it's a bit well just [TS]

00:59:27   the airplane like a like a like a like a [TS]

00:59:29   brand-new gulfstream to gulfstream and [TS]

00:59:33   there they want five last I checked [TS]

00:59:35   200-300 that's right girlfriend Vee [TS]

00:59:38   let's say Gulfstream V and let's see [TS]

00:59:44   always 36 million dollars as a 1998 [TS]

00:59:48   don't even know what the latest call [TS]

00:59:48   streams are named by owners as the best [TS]

00:59:52   in value business aircraft 36 million [TS]

00:59:55   dollars in 1998 well hours non-stop [TS]

00:59:55   dollars in 1998 well hours non-stop [TS]

01:00:00   I'm here you can get you can get a used [TS]

01:00:03   one here at global air com [TS]

01:00:05   is that right a so 1999 gulfstream five [TS]

01:00:09   is only 14 million nine hundred thousand [TS]

01:00:12   now so it retains its value pretty well [TS]

01:00:14   so this is one of the things that you [TS]

01:00:15   wouldn't make it too fucking weird you [TS]

01:00:17   wouldn't have like a small abattoir it [TS]

01:00:19   because that would take some of the [TS]

01:00:20   retail value away [TS]

01:00:21   I think of you it's like it's like a [TS]

01:00:23   house if you decorate it too closely to [TS]

01:00:25   your own style you are going to have a [TS]

01:00:29   hard time selling it later okay [TS]

01:00:32   I went and looked at a house in tacoma [TS]

01:00:34   the other day that was that was like a [TS]

01:00:37   beautiful four-story tall victorian and [TS]

01:00:41   but had been decorated by a couple of [TS]

01:00:43   eccentrics I'm gonna say [TS]

01:00:45   husband-and-wife team of eccentrics and [TS]

01:00:48   the outside of the home was covered with [TS]

01:00:50   knitted it had trombones stapled to it [TS]

01:00:53   and that sounds eclectic I'd never seen [TS]

01:00:58   the like and I was like wow so that [TS]

01:01:02   every day so when you were when you [TS]

01:01:04   thought to put this house on the market [TS]

01:01:06   you didn't think take the trombones down [TS]

01:01:08   you're just like maybe the next owner [TS]

01:01:11   wants to fuck on a pile of trash [TS]

01:01:17   why would I deny them that right maybe [TS]

01:01:20   anyway somebody from neutral milk hotel [TS]

01:01:21   and you know they wanted some bones are [TS]

01:01:23   all war [TS]

01:01:25   Brandon gulfstream is singing against [TS]

01:01:28   signs on a pile 61 million dollars 61 [TS]

01:01:32   million dollar which would be talking [TS]

01:01:34   about a brand-new gulfstream looking at [TS]

01:01:36   gulfstream g650 er which is 68.6 eight [TS]

01:01:40   million its seats 19mm 68 million yeah [TS]

01:01:45   so who so that means if you have 680 [TS]

01:01:49   million dollars [TS]

01:01:51   this is already ten percent of your of [TS]

01:01:53   my my back-of-the-envelope calculation [TS]

01:01:56   on a first-class flight which i never by [TS]

01:01:58   it's only ever bought for me but [TS]

01:02:00   generally speaking I think you can [TS]

01:02:01   expect most American first-class flights [TS]

01:02:04   to be at least 2 grand record [TS]

01:02:07   yeah I i always think first-class [TS]

01:02:09   anywhere you'd want to go and if you're [TS]

01:02:13   flying first class you're probably not [TS]

01:02:14   booking those flights a long time in [TS]

01:02:16   advance right because its first your [TS]

01:02:18   first class wire but we seem two [TS]

01:02:20   thousand is that fair i would i would [TS]

01:02:21   have said for ok well let's say four if [TS]

01:02:24   you get lonely I yeah but even if its [TS]

01:02:26   let's say if it's 313 [TS]

01:02:28   let's go if it's the abusive figure 3 [TS]

01:02:30   thousand you fly once a week is my math [TS]

01:02:33   right that's a little over a hundred [TS]

01:02:34   fifty thousand dollars here okay [TS]

01:02:36   is that right i did the math right so do [TS]

01:02:38   that again no I probably did that wrong [TS]

01:02:40   yes say that again three feelings [TS]

01:02:43   graphing calculator should I close the [TS]

01:02:45   internet 3000 asterisk 5259 thousand [TS]

01:02:52   dollars per a rack rate first class [TS]

01:02:57   round trip flight more or less [TS]

01:02:59   let's double that let's double it double [TS]

01:03:00   that right 318,000 dollars a year [TS]

01:03:05   let's say maybe you're gonna even go to [TS]

01:03:07   Canada sometimes I don't know [TS]

01:03:09   yeah 300 how are you calculating this [TS]

01:03:11   300,000 dollars a year for what [TS]

01:03:14   oh uh so if you took a [TS]

01:03:16   three-thousand-dollar flight 52 times a [TS]

01:03:18   year a once-a-week that's a hundred [TS]

01:03:20   fifty six thousand dollars per flight [TS]

01:03:23   yeah if you if you amateur izing that [TS]

01:03:26   jet over the course of only one year the [TS]

01:03:28   amateur eyes it for one year you get [TS]

01:03:30   read that but you have to factor in how [TS]

01:03:33   much gasoline it costs to fly a [TS]

01:03:36   Gulfstream 50 did I mention you have [TS]

01:03:38   pyro pilot and a pilot and co-pilot and [TS]

01:03:40   probably don't you want somebody to [TS]

01:03:42   serve you drinks when you get your kid [TS]

01:03:44   making spray can make me a Bloody now [TS]

01:03:45   you're gonna have the whole reason your [TS]

01:03:47   riches your kid doesn't have to work at [TS]

01:03:48   it that's right get a gone from the [TS]

01:03:50   family pet factory you get a 1-year [TS]

01:03:51   Stewart yeah you're gonna want her on [TS]

01:03:53   richkids on Instagram [TS]

01:03:55   yes and you're not going to want to [TS]

01:03:56   fixing people's drinks on richkids on [TS]

01:03:58   Instagram [TS]

01:03:59   yeah she should be showing off her three [TS]

01:04:01   rolex watches Wow right so what so what [TS]

01:04:04   one of those things like a little like a [TS]

01:04:06   Russian rapper like her you know that [TS]

01:04:07   you know there's this crazy russian guy [TS]

01:04:09   photos where it's a guy with like two [TS]

01:04:10   pistols and like you know you know a [TS]

01:04:13   bunch of twenty dollar bills on a bed [TS]

01:04:15   diamond grill what we call that we call [TS]

01:04:17   that kinda is there a name for that [TS]

01:04:19   genre of people showing off their wealth [TS]

01:04:21   and guns [TS]

01:04:22   I I have definitely going on the [TS]

01:04:25   internet and found like ultimate fail [TS]

01:04:27   websites which used to be a thing I love [TS]

01:04:30   it's to go to ultimate fail tattoo fails [TS]

01:04:33   oh my god no lock my daughter's favorite [TS]

01:04:36   is no regrets [TS]

01:04:37   haha no rigor dad to sales of what [TS]

01:04:43   especially where the picture of the [TS]

01:04:45   little bit of the the person's infant [TS]

01:04:46   child is there and then the tattoo [TS]

01:04:48   representational image and child looks [TS]

01:04:51   to me like somebody drew with her feet [TS]

01:04:53   yeah like a shrunken shrunken applehead [TS]

01:04:55   yeah um and I think on some of those [TS]

01:04:58   sites ultimate fails I i followed links [TS]

01:05:03   to sites that just had people with it [TS]

01:05:06   like a hundred eighty dollars spread out [TS]

01:05:09   over the court over the bread spread of [TS]

01:05:12   a motel bed and like 22 guns and one [TS]

01:05:16   pellet gun and outfield CT yeah and a [TS]

01:05:20   couple of like the couple of packets [TS]

01:05:23   cigarettes guitar guitar band is [TS]

01:05:25   anything else i can put it this way i'm [TS]

01:05:29   gonna borrow the microwave for 2 flat [TS]

01:05:31   flat brim Yankees caps people i just [TS]

01:05:36   sent you link to my favorite new twitter [TS]

01:05:38   this is the kind this is the Senate [TS]

01:05:41   skype this is the kind of thing where [TS]

01:05:43   you used to see a lot of this on the [TS]

01:05:45   internet 10-15 years ago and then I [TS]

01:05:47   guess became kind of a 4chan thing but [TS]

01:05:49   if you want a nice mainstream [TS]

01:05:50   twitter to follow try cursed images [TS]

01:05:52   first images and you can find that by [TS]

01:05:54   just going to twitter.com / cursed [TS]

01:05:56   images my goodness [TS]

01:05:57   yeah so is this is an art space well [TS]

01:06:00   you'll see it's just it's just mostly [TS]

01:06:03   disturbing photos haha well how about [TS]

01:06:07   those up those what is that Badgers [TS]

01:06:09   badger a lot of badges in one yard just [TS]

01:06:11   a batters and look at the cat right now [TS]

01:06:14   there's adding the corner looking at the [TS]

01:06:15   Badger like holy shit this is not this [TS]

01:06:19   is not how I wanted my life to turn out [TS]

01:06:20   so I i have you I've told you in the [TS]

01:06:23   past that cats and possums will interact [TS]

01:06:26   with one another then I told me that [TS]

01:06:28   you've seen it John you seen it [TS]

01:06:29   firsthand you know that they could make [TS]

01:06:31   a and they could have an accord they [TS]

01:06:32   could have a taunt [TS]

01:06:34   they talked well apparently according to [TS]

01:06:35   this image a cat and 30 Badgers will [TS]

01:06:38   also just chill to think about the seats [TS]

01:06:42   are rushing and yeah the guy drinking a [TS]

01:06:45   tumbler of vodka while he eats what [TS]

01:06:49   looks like salmon roe out of a big tub [TS]

01:06:51   with the spoon la just scroll down [TS]

01:06:55   there's a tremendous I like the [TS]

01:06:57   Christmas wreath made out of baby [TS]

01:06:59   carrots keep going down because of [TS]

01:07:00   cheetos oh yeah uh whoa i do feel like a [TS]

01:07:07   badger is not a thing [TS]

01:07:10   oh here's a guy in an oxygen tent who [TS]

01:07:11   wanted to play the violin shirt it [TS]

01:07:14   I'm sorry that's the old ok nice um I do [TS]

01:07:18   feel my goodness to the Russian got him [TS]

01:07:21   with the top of roe [TS]

01:07:22   yeah look that's a lot of row and I [TS]

01:07:24   think that's probably get some markets [TS]

01:07:26   drinking there [TS]

01:07:26   yeah he does seem like a Russian guy he [TS]

01:07:28   didn't need to put a shirt on is just [TS]

01:07:29   enjoying some row I really a I really do [TS]

01:07:33   feel like now I want to know more about [TS]

01:07:36   what is the deal with that bed with 10 [TS]

01:07:39   eggs on it put em cracked eggs yeah it's [TS]

01:07:42   just just got to say what happened [TS]

01:07:44   interesting gag to do on somebody asks a [TS]

01:07:47   lot of time on this website i'm gonna [TS]

01:07:50   have to look at that but now i want to [TS]

01:07:52   know more about Badgers yeah i got it i [TS]

01:07:55   think i think this isn't that the reason [TS]

01:07:57   I want to know more about this [TS]

01:07:58   oh the first thing that comes up of [TS]

01:07:59   course is the Wisconsin Badgers which [TS]

01:08:02   I'm guessing is a [TS]

01:08:03   is the university of wisconsin football [TS]

01:08:05   team but his the Gophers hot Minnesota [TS]

01:08:09   the Minnesota football team is the gofer [TS]

01:08:12   at the Golden Rose but i don't know i [TS]

01:08:15   mean the Oregon team is the gooey ducks [TS]

01:08:17   member and Fargo to see go first [TS]

01:08:19   Minnesota Golden Gophers so [TS]

01:08:24   oh they are there Badgers are in the [TS]

01:08:26   same family as auditors weasels [TS]

01:08:29   Wolverines and polecat I see the [TS]

01:08:31   wolverine IC Wilberforce resemblance [TS]

01:08:34   weasels even two but otters i bet i [TS]

01:08:36   think badges are tough they look pretty [TS]

01:08:38   tough they do look tough [TS]

01:08:39   I'm gonna start calling others see [TS]

01:08:42   weasels [TS]

01:08:43   Oh water Badgers why the hell aren't [TS]

01:08:45   they already called see weasels missed [TS]

01:08:48   opportunity [TS]

01:08:49   you know like a sea lion doesn't look [TS]

01:08:51   like a sea lion looks like a c-dawg [TS]

01:08:53   c-dawg c-dawg [TS]

01:08:55   yeah but I guess see dogs were already [TS]

01:08:57   taken by pirates are haha haha oh wow [TS]

01:09:03   there are a lot of different kinds of [TS]

01:09:04   badgers and in America we have the [TS]

01:09:08   American back and get the American [TS]

01:09:10   badger who then there's the European [TS]

01:09:12   Badger and then be Asian badge or [TS]

01:09:15   European badger thinks he's fancy [TS]

01:09:16   Japanese badger hog badger Burmese [TS]

01:09:20   ferret badger job in Farah badger I you [TS]

01:09:24   know there's a ferret badger do you [TS]

01:09:25   think Farrah badger is something that [TS]

01:09:27   like a Javanese goth would carry yeah i [TS]

01:09:30   think it's the kind of thing Strunk and [TS]

01:09:31   white would say eventually that needs to [TS]

01:09:32   become a new word when you're [TS]

01:09:33   hyphenating something like ferret badger [TS]

01:09:35   like you're not really done yet [TS]

01:09:36   this is not reached its final form this [TS]

01:09:38   have to be called something other than a [TS]

01:09:39   fair badger that's that's you know with [TS]

01:09:41   with all due respect I know we live in [TS]

01:09:42   complicated times I think that's [TS]

01:09:44   probably a little off-putting two [TS]

01:09:45   ferrets and Badgers you a pic aside [TS]

01:09:47   yeah right exactly but now i'm looking [TS]

01:09:48   at a fair badger it actually looks like [TS]

01:09:50   a perfect cross between a parent batter [TS]

01:09:53   my friend had a fair is a pet [TS]

01:09:54   I so I've been to people's out back when [TS]

01:09:57   I would buy drugs [TS]

01:09:59   yeah always see a lot of ferrets from [TS]

01:10:01   people that i didn't know this is buying [TS]

01:10:03   us be clear this is not a mr. show bed [TS]

01:10:04   but buying drugs in the nineties i bet [TS]

01:10:06   you get a lot of people with exotic pets [TS]

01:10:08   i did I don't see 30 [TS]

01:10:11   yeah exactly like that like that you [TS]

01:10:13   know i mean how many other people have [TS]

01:10:14   kissed a parent right that's just a pair [TS]

01:10:17   but yeah you can you go to somebody's [TS]

01:10:20   house you can adjust these online polls [TS]

01:10:22   I told you about the time I was at a i [TS]

01:10:24   was at a guy's house and he had a [TS]

01:10:25   rooster [TS]

01:10:26   I love you I'd like to hear it again in [TS]

01:10:27   his snake cage again restored snake h [TS]

01:10:30   bought a little be bought a little [TS]

01:10:32   chicken to feed his giant boa [TS]

01:10:35   constrictor [TS]

01:10:36   mhm and then the boa constrictor wasn't [TS]

01:10:39   hungry I guess we're not boa constrictor [TS]

01:10:41   was a Python some Burmese fair but the [TS]

01:10:43   kind of squeeze it spray the prey turns [TS]

01:10:46   purple and then they can eat it [TS]

01:10:47   yes it's a boa constructor who squeezes [TS]

01:10:50   and squeezes a chicken [TS]

01:10:52   uh-huh and and it eats it but this snake [TS]

01:10:55   his giant what i can only recall as [TS]

01:10:58   being a yellow a giant yellow Burmese [TS]

01:11:01   pythons ferret was in a huge the like [TS]

01:11:06   enclosure in his living room and he [TS]

01:11:09   bought a chicken and he put it in there [TS]

01:11:10   for the thing to eat live study life got [TS]

01:11:12   to be alive because that excites the [TS]

01:11:14   Python and that's what you want i'm [TS]

01:11:15   excited but i really feel it like we [TS]

01:11:17   have one of these in my seventh grade [TS]

01:11:18   science class we should put rabbits in [TS]

01:11:19   there and i think it was it happens like [TS]

01:11:21   once in like once a month [TS]

01:11:22   agent it that often didn't get that off [TS]

01:11:24   and that's why this situation got [TS]

01:11:26   confusing for the for my drug dealer [TS]

01:11:29   friend because of the day and the and my [TS]

01:11:32   friend looked like the lead singer of of [TS]

01:11:39   out know what was the band that did jump [TS]

01:11:42   around [TS]

01:11:43   no no how Spain yeah i think it was [TS]

01:11:46   little he looked like the same house of [TS]

01:11:47   pain but he had this nikki put the [TS]

01:11:49   chicken in there [TS]

01:11:50   the snake wasn't interested in the [TS]

01:11:52   chicken lived in the cage with the snake [TS]

01:11:54   long enough that it was revealed to not [TS]

01:11:57   be a chicken but in fact to be a rooster [TS]

01:11:59   and then it grew until it was like not a [TS]

01:12:04   full-grown rooster but a teenager mr. [TS]

01:12:05   like its legs were it had foghorn [TS]

01:12:07   leghorn legs and which were I if I [TS]

01:12:11   recall correctly six inches tall like [TS]

01:12:13   this rooster now was two feet tall and [TS]

01:12:17   my my friend said i don't think the [TS]

01:12:23   snake can eat this now it's too big [TS]

01:12:26   and I don't know what to do oh my gosh [TS]

01:12:28   did we're in the fullness of time did he [TS]

01:12:31   start feeding the rooster what the [TS]

01:12:33   rooster would enjoy eating [TS]

01:12:34   I think he was he had to keep feeding [TS]

01:12:36   the rooster isn't more converts from [TS]

01:12:37   food to pet [TS]

01:12:38   well sure snake food to pet but he [TS]

01:12:41   didn't want a rooster and I can't think [TS]

01:12:44   of anybody that wants a rooster accept [TS]

01:12:45   my next-door neighbor who has that [TS]

01:12:47   freaking rooster out there that wakes me [TS]

01:12:48   up every morning it would not be a [TS]

01:12:50   typical nineties drug dealer pet a [TS]

01:12:53   rooster [TS]

01:12:53   no although got to make my envelope but [TS]

01:12:56   you're going to see a lot of drug [TS]

01:12:57   dealers with the Sorry Sorry medicinal [TS]

01:12:59   marijuana but there's tons of roosters [TS]

01:13:01   in mcminnville if you oh well sure but [TS]

01:13:03   those are those are good eating reeses [TS]

01:13:06   or artisanal bespoke heritage and sure [TS]

01:13:09   there's two students to two sisters ok [TS]

01:13:12   anyway so he said I don't know what to [TS]

01:13:14   do with this rooster I don't want to [TS]

01:13:16   just turn it loose in the yard now be [TS]

01:13:18   cruel but i'm thinking that that's what [TS]

01:13:20   I have to do and of course in my state [TS]

01:13:23   at the time in my at the place I was in [TS]

01:13:25   my life I didn't have very good judgment [TS]

01:13:28   and I said I'll take the rooster and so [TS]

01:13:32   he was like really and I said yeah I'll [TS]

01:13:34   take that rooster and so he was still at [TS]

01:13:36   the invoice for that he took one bag of [TS]

01:13:39   marijuana 1rooster he took the rooster [TS]

01:13:42   out of the cage but somehow I'd been [TS]

01:13:46   dropped off at his house [TS]

01:13:48   I was a long way from where I lived [TS]

01:13:51   which was at my house I was crashing at [TS]

01:13:53   a guy's house and so this guy i was [TS]

01:13:56   buying the pot and getting free roosters [TS]

01:13:59   from he had a white 72 el camino and he [TS]

01:14:05   said I'll give you a ride back to your [TS]

01:14:07   house if you take the rooster and I was [TS]

01:14:08   like taking the rooster so the rooster [TS]

01:14:10   and I got in the back of the open and we [TS]

01:14:14   drove me for people who don't remember [TS]

01:14:15   is a pickup truck like automobile it's [TS]

01:14:18   not a brat but I was but it was like you [TS]

01:14:20   would you would you describe it as a car [TS]

01:14:22   that happen to have a bed in the back [TS]

01:14:24   yeah it looks like a car but it but it [TS]

01:14:25   was a pickup truck it looked like a [TS]

01:14:27   Chevelle but it had a pickup and but he [TS]

01:14:32   lived across town so we had to get on [TS]

01:14:34   the freeway and so I'm sitting in the [TS]

01:14:36   back trying to keep a hold of this [TS]

01:14:38   rooster [TS]

01:14:39   and the rooster initially was very [TS]

01:14:40   suspicious of me but when he realized [TS]

01:14:42   that his life was in my hands it's not [TS]

01:14:45   like you're going to bond with him but [TS]

01:14:46   he stuck close to me because if he got [TS]

01:14:48   away from me he his little rooster claws [TS]

01:14:51   were not able to get gain purchase in [TS]

01:14:54   the metal back of the truck and so he [TS]

01:14:57   would just slide it would slide all the [TS]

01:14:59   way to the back when the car went [TS]

01:15:02   accelerate and then when the car would [TS]

01:15:03   break he would slide all the way to the [TS]

01:15:04   front and I'm trying to get ahold of him [TS]

01:15:06   he's trying to get away from me at first [TS]

01:15:09   finally you know the rooster and I like [TS]

01:15:11   reach an accommodation we get across [TS]

01:15:13   town [TS]

01:15:14   I come into the house where I'm crashing [TS]

01:15:17   we're like five guys sitting around [TS]

01:15:19   watching friends and I'm like guess what [TS]

01:15:23   I got us a rooster the guy that is [TS]

01:15:27   renting the house the head head Brewster [TS]

01:15:31   in charge says I don't want a rooster in [TS]

01:15:34   my house [TS]

01:15:35   leave it on the well you know at first [TS]

01:15:37   everybody is like wow right and they're [TS]

01:15:39   all like petting the rooster and [TS]

01:15:40   interested in the rooster and I feel [TS]

01:15:42   like a hero because i also had weed but [TS]

01:15:48   then it becomes clear that the rooster [TS]

01:15:51   is not welcome and he says rooster [TS]

01:15:55   rooster can't stay and so I'm trying to [TS]

01:15:58   negotiate with him but I'm like okay [TS]

01:16:00   i'll put the rooster on the porch for a [TS]

01:16:01   minute while you and I talked about [TS]

01:16:03   what's going to happen to the wrist [TS]

01:16:04   because i don't have to you know what [TS]

01:16:05   there is to hear it well and also like I [TS]

01:16:08   don't have a place to go right so i need [TS]

01:16:11   to keep crashing at this house but I [TS]

01:16:12   don't want to be separated from my [TS]

01:16:13   rooster because by now i feel kind of [TS]

01:16:16   bonded machine named at this point I [TS]

01:16:19   don't think I'd names [TS]

01:16:20   yeah I might have called the tree Roger [TS]

01:16:22   okay um so I'm talking to my friend and [TS]

01:16:26   I'm like to leave the rooster in the [TS]

01:16:27   backyard he's like the backyard is my [TS]

01:16:29   hot-pepper garden [TS]

01:16:31   I don't want the rooster eating my hot [TS]

01:16:32   peppers so we talked about it for a [TS]

01:16:36   little while we did not reach any kind [TS]

01:16:38   of agreement and I go outside [TS]

01:16:40   roosters gone no soup [TS]

01:16:43   I said that [TS]

01:16:44   you said it i should search the whole [TS]

01:16:48   neighborhood can't find the rooster [TS]

01:16:49   anywhere and uh this house was on the [TS]

01:16:53   border a little saigon and so we all [TS]

01:16:57   speculated that someone came along the [TS]

01:17:00   rooster escaped cruiser was walking down [TS]

01:17:02   the street headed on its merry way [TS]

01:17:04   talk a walk thank you thinking that it [TS]

01:17:08   was like headed somewhere mr. town [TS]

01:17:10   rooster town USA and then somebody [TS]

01:17:13   detective's job picking grapes that the [TS]

01:17:15   correct somebody who is thinking stew [TS]

01:17:20   rooster who sue sees him says unattended [TS]

01:17:24   rooster and I think it's like uber fruit [TS]

01:17:29   strips so and again presumably if you [TS]

01:17:32   know a student stir if you recognize to [TS]

01:17:35   restore when you see one who you're also [TS]

01:17:38   going to a know how to grab the students [TS]

01:17:39   threats if you can see the cheese purple [TS]

01:17:43   oh right well i have it cuber and so [TS]

01:17:48   they knew how to grab it and they knew [TS]

01:17:49   how to tell whether this rooster belong [TS]

01:17:51   to somebody they check it for tags and [TS]

01:17:54   and they're like rooster you come with [TS]

01:17:57   me and the rooster might have even [TS]

01:17:58   thought like this person knows how to [TS]

01:17:59   handle a rooster i'm headed i'm headed [TS]

01:18:03   to rooster rooster even going to mr. [TS]

01:18:05   town [TS]

01:18:06   yeah and then death raked up his leaves [TS]

01:18:09   uh-huh god you're pushing the rooster [TS]

01:18:11   uphill yeah and then right into the [TS]

01:18:13   stupid my god what can you compete with [TS]

01:18:16   that wrist right [TS]

01:18:18   everything about that you can you [TS]

01:18:20   couldn't write that story up but from a [TS]

01:18:22   Rooster's point of view what a very very [TS]

01:18:24   confusing week you're not gonna fucking [TS]

01:18:25   believe what happened to me [TS]

01:18:27   somebody bought me for food which [TS]

01:18:28   apparently they think I am I think of [TS]

01:18:30   myself as a rooster i might be an [TS]

01:18:31   architect someday and they throw me in a [TS]

01:18:33   tank with a big-ass python python like [TS]

01:18:36   interested you know I start to grow [TS]

01:18:38   start to grow [TS]

01:18:40   I get to pick for the kid and he's a [TS]

01:18:42   part-time they realize that I'm a tough [TS]

01:18:44   guy they got to get rid of me before I [TS]

01:18:45   heard this Python they're gonna give me [TS]

01:18:46   this guy over here so we get a pickup [TS]

01:18:49   truck [TS]

01:18:49   I'm a little baked beans are living in a [TS]

01:18:51   drug dealer sure you get covered mr. [TS]

01:18:54   contact time [TS]

01:18:55   yeah wow that's rough [TS]

01:18:56   gets in the car with it with a with a [TS]

01:18:58   with a bearded young guy [TS]

01:19:00   mhm who wants to kind of be as pal yeah [TS]

01:19:02   you know the bearded the young bearded [TS]

01:19:04   guy wants to interact with me [TS]

01:19:06   he's been adopted ya like hey hey pal [TS]

01:19:09   huh [TS]

01:19:10   can i scratch under can i scratch your [TS]

01:19:11   back your neck from getting scratched [TS]

01:19:13   chicken scratch chicken [TS]

01:19:14   mhm when you when you go to scratch [TS]

01:19:17   chicken's neck you realize that chicken [TS]

01:19:19   is ninety-eight percent feathers [TS]

01:19:21   yeah that's like a cat now and all [TS]

01:19:23   that's in there underneath the feathers [TS]

01:19:25   because you're like I want to scratch [TS]

01:19:26   you and then you're like whoa I don't [TS]

01:19:28   want to scratch feathers I want to [TS]

01:19:29   scratch perchik special bird [TS]

01:19:31   yeah you get all the way in there and [TS]

01:19:32   you're like there's hardly anybody it's [TS]

01:19:34   like his neck as big as a crayon but [TS]

01:19:37   surrounded by feather [TS]

01:19:38   yeah I never thought about it from the [TS]

01:19:42   Roosters perspective but I was quite a [TS]

01:19:44   day [TS]

01:19:45   yeah oh never get better does it did you [TS]

01:19:49   know that well no it doesn't going to [TS]

01:19:51   end up going to end up in a in a plastic [TS]

01:19:53   bag made to look like a pumpkin on [TS]

01:19:55   death's lon [TS]

01:19:58   ok [TS]