Ep. 218: "The Valve"
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this episode of Roderick on the line is
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brought to you in part by Squarespace
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[Music]
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boy not John I'm Merlin that's it going
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good four times jar times just what oh
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my god now what would cost at that time
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well see here's the thing huh think
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about the internet yeah the way it's
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provided to you don't know what it's
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like other countries but i don't know i
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don't know what it's like but here in
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America is provided to you by a company
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right yeah even though the Internet
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itself exists in a sphere em right it's
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a series of tubes under the Rocky
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Mountains in salt lake city in an old
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salt mine owned by just is that what is
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that what the internet mostly is it has
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tendrils that come out via via tubes and
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orbs but he largely located in Colorado
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that's my sense of it between salt lake
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in Colorado there's a giant tunnel that
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used to be a salt mine who that now has
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a biohazard billboard outside of it
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ok so that's smart yeah so that future
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generations when they don't speak eight
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languages anymore and they're just
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wandering the desert post-apocalypse and
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here be dragons right exactly they see
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the pointy biohazard sign they know that
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either there's a giant metal concert
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happening there but with insects or
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that's where the internet lived and
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don't mess with it
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oh my gosh finally found a way to
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contain it yeah right but the tubes the
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tendrils let's call them 10 tendrils him
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the tendrils come out and then at some
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point there is coitus interruptus
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between the tendrils and me and in
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between there is a portal
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let's call it a let's call it a valve ok
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I should be writing all this down you
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got you got you got the cold storage
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when the spiky signs that's that's where
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they mainly keep the internet and into a
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series of two orbs tendrils and portals
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there are various methods by which the
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internet does or does not get to John
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Roderick right and the valves are
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controlled by
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I companies all the valves ok right in
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my case at my office
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the valve is controlled by a company
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called wave John did you have many many
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options for your internet provider your
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office at my office wave company has the
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exclusive rights to provide internet and
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that right was was negotiated i think at
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a level above above my access right I
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didn't I wasn't included in that
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discussion so i can only use the
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internet provided by wave and wave is
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very inconsistent sometimes the valve
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slams shut and then I am I you know I am
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in a situation where I have to take out
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my Big Chief notebook and write down
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some very very angry letters to various
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mixes the thesis will turrets and and
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those times you fear that your valve me
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a permanently sealed permanently sealed
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and so I i call the customer service and
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I i talked to a nice man at a certain
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point I yelled at him at a certain point
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he reverted to as we've talked about
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before customer service formality
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weekend nice he did he said sir Sir
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and then he said well sir before you
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swore at me when in fact all I had said
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was bullshit who isn't swearing i think
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in the in the realm of customer service
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i'm not like sonographer but I think in
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the realm of customer service that's
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just a response like did you try
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plugging it in ya boldly valid response
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totally valid and I got a time he asked
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me seriously if I had unplugged and
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replugged in my modem three times and uh
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that one point he said something i don't
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remember what it was and I said bullshit
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and he said well sir before he swore at
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me i was about to tell you some i was
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about to tell you to unplug your modem
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and I was like um
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I got so anyway here I am broadcasting
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from a separate location where the tubes
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are clear the valve is open for now
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valve is open the tubes are clear the
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internet is provided by a different
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company this this internet this comcast
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internet huh
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another internet provider that is some
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kind of oligarchy oligopoly mm and they
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don't they don't care about me right
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I've been on the phone with them too
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they don't care about me I might have
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even said bullshit to them oh and what I
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want is unfettered unrestricted access
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to the to the tubes
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I want to control my own valve yeah and
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I don't you tell me Merlin what what
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about net neutrality no can literally
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begging to get me started on this but
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now you have and here's the thing about
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the valves and cubes and the orbs in the
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tendrils and yes about the cold storage
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by this bike you sign in Colorado and by
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the way it's pronounced colorado i found
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out Cole arado Colorado and Nevada
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oh and how ru pronouncing well used to
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say Nevada and Colorado and apparently
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that's not correct i found a a web page
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that tells you how to pronounce states
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Colorado and use and now you're saying
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it's colorado state colorado but here's
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the here's the thing and this is this is
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I think the vexing part about so much of
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the technology stuff is it seems like it
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either works
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ninety percent well or it doesn't work
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at all me when it doesn't work at all
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there's not much recourse except yelling
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bullshit at somebody you don't know
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there's not much you can do and I was
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trying to and so just in terms of a
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little bit of inside baseball
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this is our third well counting today's
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failures of 4th 4th attempt to record
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the show last week and a half because of
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your wave problem and the inherent valve
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issues and you don't have control the
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valve right so we have some abortive
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attempts to do this and I was trying to
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help you troubleshoot because the error
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message you were getting i used i use
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the googles and i found out that's for
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your router yeah router was throwing
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that message so i was trying to help you
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log into that to see if maybe needed to
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be rebooted I here's to us here's the
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thing so now now wave people now I just
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interrupt the ways people have the
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capacity to
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reboot the router via of their own valve
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a server assuming all of the tendrils
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are intact they should be able to say
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there is a router here there's a modem
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here and i should be able to see if
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that's working so here's what happened
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here is where the mystery deepens they
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were able to see the router and it
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doesn't make you feel better and they
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said seems fine
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looks like from here works for me looks
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fine from here and I said that's why
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they were like trying to unplug it and I
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said listen to me i have been you know
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this isn't my first rodeo which is a
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good phrase I don't usually use it
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because it's kind of trite this isn't my
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first rodeo
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no I i was driving in a town called
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mcminnville oregon the other day and a
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guy in the high country that's right and
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I was I was parallel parking and a guy
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in a very big dodge ram truck pulled up
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right behind me and I had my blinker on
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my reverse lights on and I proceeded to
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back up in order to get to my to my
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parking spot at which point he hawked
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his giant horn and so I leaned out the
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window and I said I'm parallel parking
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here you know in a kind i didn't use a
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Brooklyn accent but like parallel
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parking here you know what that's from
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we get a little rats ERISA that's right
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and he leans out his window and he says
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that movie is overrated
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no he's going anywhere baseball cap knee
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has a moustache and his wife is in the
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truck and he says you ran that stop sign
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and everything through referring to a
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prior stop sign which I had made a free
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right turn ass which is legal in the
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northwest and maybe I didn't come to a
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complete stop
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yeah I slowed and then made a free right
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right you were respectful he said you
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ran that stop sign and everything and
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everything and that's and that's why the
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that's why though he came up behind me
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didn't want to give me an inch to
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parallel park because i had run that
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stops oh it's time for some friends but
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yes that's right and everything
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and so I thought at that moment to yell
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is this your first rodeo cowboy which i
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thought would be a good burn but then I
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thought that's a that's too on-the-nose
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if they were there were three lines from
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a screenplay it would never pass muster
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though because it's not it's such an odd
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exchange yeah and so what I said I
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because I because this is the problem
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right if you if you edit yourself in the
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sometimes you do it you sometimes it
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works but a lot of times you get in
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front of yourself right and so I should
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have said is this your first rodeo
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mhm oh that would have been devastated
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but instead i said is this your first
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day I got halfway in and I was like
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don't think I don't see rodeo is this
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your first day that sounds like this is
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has been translated from maybe polish
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this your first day of sand and
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everything is this your first day and so
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of course he like big diesel like a
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take-off around me on his way that's the
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other side of mcminnville like to the
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feed and seed store because it might
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have been his first day
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oh you let you might have triggered him
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a little bit
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well but then i sat in my car and I was
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like God is this your first day
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nobody's gonna be like sick burn all the
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other people walk all by all that like
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hippie mom's walking the streets in
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mcminnville are going to be like is this
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your first day they're gonna they're
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gonna walk home they're going to be
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thinking about that was that a burner
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what to so anyway you were about to go
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on a rant about about Internet portals
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yeah yeah yeah just sit down
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I know what you mean about the valves
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though because I get this i M gonna say
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something shocking here i'm i'm not a
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huge fan of cable town the company but
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but the comcast service has been fast
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and solid for me mostly for the past few
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years with some crazy exceptions
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and you know that the thing is that in
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order to have the technology that we
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have there are so many layers of
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abstraction to make us not have to see
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the bits and bytes and that benefits us
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a lot of the time when it works
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extremely well you don't even think
[TS]
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about the bits and bytes don't but they
[TS]
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◼
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want something does go wrong
[TS]
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◼
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there's not they don't easily expose I
[TS]
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◼
►
think about this all the time of my
[TS]
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◼
►
phone is not working on my phone of my
[TS]
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◼
►
messages are coming up in the wrong
[TS]
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◼
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order or not at all
[TS]
00:11:55
◼
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there's not a button that says show me
[TS]
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◼
►
what's going wrong no you can do nothing
[TS]
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◼
►
and this is super true to the 11 million
[TS]
00:12:02
◼
►
power with the internet because your
[TS]
00:12:03
◼
►
internet goes out eat well unless you're
[TS]
00:12:05
◼
►
on your phone and wireless you can't
[TS]
00:12:07
◼
►
even go to the website and check it out
[TS]
00:12:09
◼
►
it's the ultimate network diagnostics
[TS]
00:12:11
◼
►
says the network is not working kind of
[TS]
00:12:13
◼
►
radical right so I mean one handy thing
[TS]
00:12:15
◼
►
to do is like lucky with comcast you can
[TS]
00:12:17
◼
►
go in and if you log in with your phone
[TS]
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◼
►
using you know your regular old LTE
[TS]
00:12:21
◼
►
service or whatever don't you can go in
[TS]
00:12:23
◼
►
and see if there's any problems in your
[TS]
00:12:24
◼
►
area but then you get these mystery
[TS]
00:12:26
◼
►
problems this is almost on us we're like
[TS]
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◼
►
the KKK fairly common twice your thing
[TS]
00:12:30
◼
►
for me with comcast is their dns servers
[TS]
00:12:32
◼
►
go down
[TS]
00:12:33
◼
►
oh yeah and dns is just in for people
[TS]
00:12:35
◼
►
who care and do not service do not
[TS]
00:12:37
◼
►
service that's right you know shirt no
[TS]
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◼
►
shoes right to present reserve it's
[TS]
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◼
►
basically the system that says that this
[TS]
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◼
►
IP address sequels this name and vice
[TS]
00:12:47
◼
►
versa so the thing is though if you
[TS]
00:12:49
◼
►
don't experience you experience that as
[TS]
00:12:52
◼
►
websites don't come up because it's
[TS]
00:12:54
◼
►
using the names of them usually not the
[TS]
00:12:56
◼
►
IP addresses of those things and but how
[TS]
00:12:58
◼
►
would a normal person ever that's me
[TS]
00:13:01
◼
►
well how ok so I I know I know to do
[TS]
00:13:03
◼
►
this because it took several times this
[TS]
00:13:05
◼
►
happening to wear with you here like
[TS]
00:13:06
◼
►
every couples few months of the dns
[TS]
00:13:08
◼
►
servers go down so one thing you can do
[TS]
00:13:10
◼
►
is you can go you can log into in my
[TS]
00:13:12
◼
►
case my router is an apple router i can
[TS]
00:13:15
◼
►
go into the apple router and i can say
[TS]
00:13:16
◼
►
use this these different dns servers
[TS]
00:13:19
◼
►
avoid the comcast servers
[TS]
00:13:20
◼
►
I don't think many people are going to
[TS]
00:13:22
◼
►
think to do that if they're if they're
[TS]
00:13:24
◼
►
if they're Game of Thrones isn't showing
[TS]
00:13:27
◼
►
it's not necessarily going to occur to
[TS]
00:13:28
◼
►
them to go find alternate IP addresses
[TS]
00:13:31
◼
►
to use as dns servers i would not that
[TS]
00:13:33
◼
►
would not occur to me and and then even
[TS]
00:13:35
◼
►
then it doesn't always work because that
[TS]
00:13:37
◼
►
may not be the problem you know and so
[TS]
00:13:40
◼
►
you know it it's it's really vexing and
[TS]
00:13:42
◼
►
you start to feel like you got more
[TS]
00:13:44
◼
►
gallant we go to your doctor and you say
[TS]
00:13:46
◼
►
i have threads coming out of my skin and
[TS]
00:13:48
◼
►
here's a match box full of skin and
[TS]
00:13:50
◼
►
mushrooms and so what we need to do to
[TS]
00:13:52
◼
►
fix this and they go that's not a thing
[TS]
00:13:55
◼
►
and that's how you feel when you're when
[TS]
00:13:57
◼
►
you're talking to these folks
[TS]
00:13:58
◼
►
yes that is how i feel and so not to
[TS]
00:14:01
◼
►
press the bruise here but this is still
[TS]
00:14:03
◼
►
I'm giving that you're at a third
[TS]
00:14:05
◼
►
location that you know this is not a
[TS]
00:14:08
◼
►
resolved issue with your wave
[TS]
00:14:10
◼
►
no because then the person very nice man
[TS]
00:14:13
◼
►
and we ended up being good friends you
[TS]
00:14:14
◼
►
reconcile we did because because he went
[TS]
00:14:17
◼
►
away to talk to somebody and put me on
[TS]
00:14:21
◼
►
hold with some jazzy music and when he
[TS]
00:14:23
◼
►
came back i had calmed down and he had
[TS]
00:14:26
◼
►
calmed down and then he was trying to me
[TS]
00:14:28
◼
►
not in a knot in his like training voice
[TS]
00:14:32
◼
►
he's talking me into a human voice and i
[TS]
00:14:36
◼
►
SAT and listened to his human voice and
[TS]
00:14:37
◼
►
then i said i'd like to apologize for my
[TS]
00:14:40
◼
►
outburst earlier good for you and he
[TS]
00:14:43
◼
►
said thank you sir
[TS]
00:14:44
◼
►
and then we proceeded from there in a
[TS]
00:14:48
◼
►
very human way and at the end he said I
[TS]
00:14:51
◼
►
understand how frustrating this is
[TS]
00:14:53
◼
►
I would be frustrated if I were in your
[TS]
00:14:54
◼
►
situation and I said you're going off
[TS]
00:14:56
◼
►
script now
[TS]
00:14:58
◼
►
yeah like I don't think it's supposed to
[TS]
00:14:59
◼
►
say that no you're apologizing like hey
[TS]
00:15:01
◼
►
let's keep this between us if this call
[TS]
00:15:03
◼
►
is being recorded for quality assurance
[TS]
00:15:06
◼
►
let's hope nobody reviews it was there
[TS]
00:15:09
◼
►
going to see that you're being a human
[TS]
00:15:10
◼
►
being so then he said i have the
[TS]
00:15:14
◼
►
following because you have to be there
[TS]
00:15:16
◼
►
for wave to come check it out so he was
[TS]
00:15:20
◼
►
like i have the following appointment
[TS]
00:15:21
◼
►
monday at 11am I was like too late i
[TS]
00:15:24
◼
►
haven't I have a podcast at ten on
[TS]
00:15:26
◼
►
alright what about tuesday at eleven
[TS]
00:15:29
◼
►
well that would be after the pod cat so
[TS]
00:15:32
◼
►
that's not good what about sunday at to
[TS]
00:15:34
◼
►
do you think I want to be at my office
[TS]
00:15:37
◼
►
sunday at two waiting 46 hours for a way
[TS]
00:15:40
◼
►
yeah like sunday that's that's sunday
[TS]
00:15:43
◼
►
funday mhm says write the name sunday
[TS]
00:15:46
◼
►
sunday sunday
[TS]
00:15:47
◼
►
mhm I'd be a monster truck rally yeah so
[TS]
00:15:50
◼
►
what it ended up was
[TS]
00:15:53
◼
►
one of the times were convenient to me
[TS]
00:15:56
◼
►
because guess what not it's never going
[TS]
00:15:59
◼
►
to be convenient for me to go sit in my
[TS]
00:16:01
◼
►
office without internet for four to six
[TS]
00:16:05
◼
►
hours waiting for your repair man it's
[TS]
00:16:08
◼
►
like your basement is full of water and
[TS]
00:16:10
◼
►
they want to just go sit in waist deep
[TS]
00:16:12
◼
►
water for a couple couple 28 hours until
[TS]
00:16:15
◼
►
they should maybe show up
[TS]
00:16:16
◼
►
yeah go sit in the basement servers are
[TS]
00:16:18
◼
►
we can fix that until you sit in the
[TS]
00:16:19
◼
►
water so for me what that means is go
[TS]
00:16:22
◼
►
sit in front of my computer from 1997
[TS]
00:16:24
◼
►
and go through old files and try to
[TS]
00:16:29
◼
►
remember why i put that in the file
[TS]
00:16:31
◼
►
well that's no good you know like some
[TS]
00:16:33
◼
►
of them are like why did I put that in a
[TS]
00:16:34
◼
►
fight it's weird how long we use
[TS]
00:16:36
◼
►
computers before they were on the
[TS]
00:16:37
◼
►
internet it's so you
[TS]
00:16:39
◼
►
it seats six so we're okay i guess i
[TS]
00:16:42
◼
►
look at my txt file I remember taking
[TS]
00:16:44
◼
►
some little will you know what were the
[TS]
00:16:47
◼
►
floppies that weren't floppy yellow gem
[TS]
00:16:50
◼
►
like the the little ones with little
[TS]
00:16:51
◼
►
silver sliding on ya little pop tarts
[TS]
00:16:54
◼
►
still causing call it off because that
[TS]
00:16:56
◼
►
yeah but how would you distinguish that
[TS]
00:16:57
◼
►
from like a giant 7 inch across right
[TS]
00:17:00
◼
►
you get the big pc floppy disks with
[TS]
00:17:02
◼
►
little record player in them and then
[TS]
00:17:04
◼
►
you get the little ones and you get like
[TS]
00:17:05
◼
►
what like it in the 800 k or a hundred
[TS]
00:17:09
◼
►
full-on k right and you can put tape
[TS]
00:17:12
◼
►
over the little notch and in and making
[TS]
00:17:14
◼
►
bigger these to be a trick
[TS]
00:17:16
◼
►
yeah that was a trick right because that
[TS]
00:17:17
◼
►
you would you put them it would flip the
[TS]
00:17:19
◼
►
switch outside double density
[TS]
00:17:20
◼
►
double-side double densities I remember
[TS]
00:17:23
◼
►
that that was like that was like a
[TS]
00:17:24
◼
►
double-sided tape that 120 minute
[TS]
00:17:26
◼
►
passive tape that's always a huge
[TS]
00:17:31
◼
►
technology it was anyway I had a bunch
[TS]
00:17:35
◼
►
of the little the poster sized ones
[TS]
00:17:37
◼
►
toaster popping fresh floppy like
[TS]
00:17:41
◼
►
pepperidge farm bread that sighs yeah
[TS]
00:17:42
◼
►
and I took them into the stranger
[TS]
00:17:45
◼
►
Seattle's a weekly alternative paperback
[TS]
00:17:48
◼
►
before I was feuding with them the most
[TS]
00:17:49
◼
►
recent time because they had some old
[TS]
00:17:53
◼
►
Mac some-some Lisa that was that they
[TS]
00:17:58
◼
►
actually had hooked up to their system
[TS]
00:18:00
◼
►
where you could put in floppies
[TS]
00:18:05
◼
►
and translate that material into a
[TS]
00:18:08
◼
►
contemporary format so you can get like
[TS]
00:18:11
◼
►
old like Microsoft Word files or
[TS]
00:18:13
◼
►
whatever yeah and so I went in there and
[TS]
00:18:15
◼
►
I had like I had 800 files where I had
[TS]
00:18:19
◼
►
sat down after smoking a doobie and
[TS]
00:18:24
◼
►
written some uh what we would call now a
[TS]
00:18:27
◼
►
blog post but which at the time was a
[TS]
00:18:29
◼
►
was a post for a zine that i had the
[TS]
00:18:32
◼
►
idea to publish one day
[TS]
00:18:34
◼
►
Wow which I never did publish a zine and
[TS]
00:18:39
◼
►
all this stuff all this writing that was
[TS]
00:18:41
◼
►
you know a time before i had never
[TS]
00:18:44
◼
►
published anything right sit down at the
[TS]
00:18:46
◼
►
at the typewriter or the computer later
[TS]
00:18:48
◼
►
and say a writer writes and so I would
[TS]
00:18:52
◼
►
write write write write and the writing
[TS]
00:18:55
◼
►
would be garbage but i would fill the
[TS]
00:18:59
◼
►
page with writing about my feelings or
[TS]
00:19:01
◼
►
sore observations and I and I think via
[TS]
00:19:06
◼
►
that process did actually develop a
[TS]
00:19:09
◼
►
writing style and I have like hundreds
[TS]
00:19:12
◼
►
and hundreds of these pages and I
[TS]
00:19:17
◼
►
translated them all over into a format
[TS]
00:19:19
◼
►
that i can now even go into my 1990a
[TS]
00:19:22
◼
►
computer waist-deep in water who waiting
[TS]
00:19:26
◼
►
for the internet yeah and and read some
[TS]
00:19:29
◼
►
of these of these wonderful wonderful
[TS]
00:19:30
◼
►
historical posts unposted posts will
[TS]
00:19:35
◼
►
call you and and and then be unable to
[TS]
00:19:39
◼
►
either delete them because they're part
[TS]
00:19:43
◼
►
of the historical record or edit them
[TS]
00:19:45
◼
►
because again that would be that's like
[TS]
00:19:48
◼
►
going back and putting shockwaves around
[TS]
00:19:50
◼
►
the destruction of a planet that's kinda
[TS]
00:19:52
◼
►
like oh yeah it's time for Paul
[TS]
00:19:53
◼
►
McCartney problem right
[TS]
00:19:55
◼
►
yeah don't go back who you never never
[TS]
00:19:59
◼
►
go back always go forward so yeah and so
[TS]
00:20:04
◼
►
what are they they're just these
[TS]
00:20:05
◼
►
albatrosses I don't want that nobody's
[TS]
00:20:07
◼
►
ever going to read them
[TS]
00:20:08
◼
►
I'm never going to publish a magazine
[TS]
00:20:10
◼
►
yeah do i do I give them to my daughter
[TS]
00:20:12
◼
►
when I die let you feel about the story
[TS]
00:20:14
◼
►
it's kind of sad
[TS]
00:20:16
◼
►
yeah every one of my stories of you
[TS]
00:20:18
◼
►
pursue it long enough it turns into
[TS]
00:20:20
◼
►
turns into another year passing where
[TS]
00:20:23
◼
►
then death is raking up my year into a
[TS]
00:20:27
◼
►
garbage bag that looks like a pumpkin
[TS]
00:20:29
◼
►
this episode of Roderick on the line is
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00:20:34
◼
►
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00:20:54
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00:20:55
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00:21:00
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00:21:02
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00:21:20
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00:22:01
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even further you can totally do this by
[TS]
00:22:09
◼
►
digging into their dev platform and put
[TS]
00:22:12
◼
►
your hands literally literally right on
[TS]
00:22:13
◼
►
the code and tinker with your
[TS]
00:22:15
◼
►
Squarespace site now here's the thing if
[TS]
00:22:17
◼
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you sign up for a year you'll also get a
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00:22:19
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free domain name that allows you to
[TS]
00:22:20
◼
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choose exactly what you want your site
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00:22:22
◼
►
to be called go please right now and
[TS]
00:22:24
◼
►
start your trial today with no credit
[TS]
00:22:25
◼
►
card required start making your website
[TS]
00:22:27
◼
►
by going to squarespace.com
[TS]
00:22:29
◼
►
when you decide to sign up for
[TS]
00:22:31
◼
►
Squarespace make sure to use the very
[TS]
00:22:33
◼
►
special offer code super train is going
[TS]
00:22:35
◼
►
to get you ten percent off your first
[TS]
00:22:37
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purchase and it will show your support
[TS]
00:22:39
◼
►
for Roderick online
[TS]
00:22:41
◼
►
our thanks to squarespace for supporting
[TS]
00:22:43
◼
►
Roderick online and all the great shows
[TS]
00:22:45
◼
►
right consistent deaths front yard
[TS]
00:22:49
◼
►
happy holidays it's a guy just never
[TS]
00:23:01
◼
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gets better does that back
[TS]
00:23:03
◼
►
nothing ever gets better well how could
[TS]
00:23:06
◼
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no oh nobody's working on making it
[TS]
00:23:09
◼
►
you're gonna know it's just fits all
[TS]
00:23:11
◼
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over again right is it you're pushing a
[TS]
00:23:13
◼
►
modem up the modem uphill so
[TS]
00:23:15
◼
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sophisticated
[TS]
00:23:16
◼
►
huh yeah i think people are trying to
[TS]
00:23:19
◼
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make more rather than better who don't
[TS]
00:23:22
◼
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you think yeah yeah do better
[TS]
00:23:25
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yeah and just more and slightly
[TS]
00:23:27
◼
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different but not better
[TS]
00:23:30
◼
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mm you don't get better that much so
[TS]
00:23:34
◼
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often right
[TS]
00:23:36
◼
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who was the last time you upgraded or a
[TS]
00:23:40
◼
►
yeah or updated let's say upgraded or
[TS]
00:23:43
◼
►
updated who anything where you felt like
[TS]
00:23:48
◼
►
that was not just knew that there was up
[TS]
00:23:53
◼
►
there was a market improvement in what
[TS]
00:23:55
◼
►
was already there right
[TS]
00:23:58
◼
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not not that often and it's usually a
[TS]
00:24:01
◼
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different disagree but sometimes by been
[TS]
00:24:05
◼
►
sort of my identity the fact that the
[TS]
00:24:07
◼
►
operating system on the phone gets
[TS]
00:24:08
◼
►
better the people who make the apps that
[TS]
00:24:10
◼
►
I use or sometimes able to do something
[TS]
00:24:12
◼
►
really really quite amazing and actually
[TS]
00:24:14
◼
►
very useful from the minute I get it
[TS]
00:24:16
◼
►
that is one place where I do see that
[TS]
00:24:18
◼
►
improvement now it is that something
[TS]
00:24:21
◼
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where having you know millions literally
[TS]
00:24:23
◼
►
millions of apps on the App Store has
[TS]
00:24:24
◼
►
led to like being better absolutely not
[TS]
00:24:26
◼
►
it's a shitshow but now in regular life
[TS]
00:24:28
◼
►
I mean our friend John Syracuse's talked
[TS]
00:24:30
◼
►
about with toaster ovens you think about
[TS]
00:24:32
◼
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the toaster oven of your childhood like
[TS]
00:24:34
◼
►
that's to me that's a pretty great
[TS]
00:24:35
◼
►
example like the toaster oven that we
[TS]
00:24:37
◼
►
had it was before Black & Decker later
[TS]
00:24:41
◼
►
would be a black & decker model i think
[TS]
00:24:42
◼
►
there was this
[TS]
00:24:43
◼
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toaster oven that everybody had in 1978
[TS]
00:24:45
◼
►
i remember it was flawless
[TS]
00:24:47
◼
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I mean not flawless but they still work
[TS]
00:24:49
◼
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now if you find one of the thrift store
[TS]
00:24:50
◼
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plugin oh there's so many grandmas and
[TS]
00:24:52
◼
►
grandpas still have this thing and it
[TS]
00:24:53
◼
►
works great it does what it needs to do
[TS]
00:24:55
◼
►
it makes toast fast independently it has
[TS]
00:24:57
◼
►
an analog dial that lets you choose
[TS]
00:24:59
◼
►
exactly how dark you wanted to be and
[TS]
00:25:01
◼
►
you can also make a stop first meal in
[TS]
00:25:03
◼
►
yeah stouffer's and like you know so I
[TS]
00:25:06
◼
►
mean yeah whatever old man talk but you
[TS]
00:25:08
◼
►
know instead now you go to walgreens and
[TS]
00:25:09
◼
►
you get a toast for nineteen dollars
[TS]
00:25:11
◼
►
that suggests it's a piece of shit
[TS]
00:25:13
◼
►
yeah so i don't know i mean it will not
[TS]
00:25:15
◼
►
can we just say knob know what I can't
[TS]
00:25:18
◼
►
we have more knobs not such a good idea
[TS]
00:25:21
◼
►
I don't want a digital display I don't
[TS]
00:25:22
◼
►
want a button I don't want to scroll
[TS]
00:25:23
◼
►
through something give me a knob
[TS]
00:25:25
◼
►
this is it's a great scroll you actually
[TS]
00:25:28
◼
►
literally scroll especially like a ticky
[TS]
00:25:30
◼
►
ticky ticky knob like a ticky ticky we
[TS]
00:25:33
◼
►
can go like you know it three notches
[TS]
00:25:34
◼
►
means on your old clock radio or you
[TS]
00:25:36
◼
►
know like in your car stereo you know
[TS]
00:25:38
◼
►
think about all acdelco were you exactly
[TS]
00:25:40
◼
►
how to turn to get right to key 15 you
[TS]
00:25:43
◼
►
exactly how much motion took oh yeah do
[TS]
00:25:48
◼
►
you want to know a secret
[TS]
00:25:49
◼
►
yes do you want to know a secret from
[TS]
00:25:51
◼
►
that movie
[TS]
00:25:52
◼
►
do you promise not to towels and deals
[TS]
00:25:55
◼
►
this weekend want this in the beatles
[TS]
00:25:58
◼
►
this weekend
[TS]
00:25:58
◼
►
they're a good band yeah you know George
[TS]
00:26:01
◼
►
George read some kind of kind of mean
[TS]
00:26:04
◼
►
songs he had a little bit of Rolling
[TS]
00:26:05
◼
►
Stones fever he was really mad women for
[TS]
00:26:07
◼
►
a while
[TS]
00:26:08
◼
►
well George you know like still waters
[TS]
00:26:11
◼
►
run deep
[TS]
00:26:11
◼
►
yeah except in the case of George the
[TS]
00:26:15
◼
►
water fairly run from but he got way
[TS]
00:26:17
◼
►
better even by revolver like something I
[TS]
00:26:20
◼
►
want to tell you is is a much better
[TS]
00:26:23
◼
►
song he's you know my favorite people
[TS]
00:26:26
◼
►
obviously but he really yeah okay I
[TS]
00:26:30
◼
►
don't know how I missed that
[TS]
00:26:32
◼
►
yeah okay continue um but he he was a
[TS]
00:26:37
◼
►
dark little dude and that's why he went
[TS]
00:26:40
◼
►
to the to the Swami land i want to swami
[TS]
00:26:45
◼
►
little regime a schmoo right and then
[TS]
00:26:48
◼
►
then hare krishna who
[TS]
00:26:50
◼
►
who which is actually hari krishna m dot
[TS]
00:26:55
◼
►
nevada nevada nevada Harry hari uh-huh
[TS]
00:26:58
◼
►
you wouldn't call it Harry krishna right
[TS]
00:27:00
◼
►
Harry krishna what that's my father's
[TS]
00:27:02
◼
►
name lookup mr. Christian but uh but
[TS]
00:27:08
◼
►
George actually like ashes Christians
[TS]
00:27:10
◼
►
monster haha yeah sorry
[TS]
00:27:16
◼
►
reseña he changed it Ellis segment I
[TS]
00:27:20
◼
►
officials like the like the you know
[TS]
00:27:23
◼
►
whatever was dark and fucked up about
[TS]
00:27:25
◼
►
lennon was right on the face of things
[TS]
00:27:27
◼
►
whatever was dark about Paul his true
[TS]
00:27:31
◼
►
darkness Paul's darkness i think was and
[TS]
00:27:33
◼
►
Paul is probably the darkest man that
[TS]
00:27:35
◼
►
ever lived but it is so very Baltimore
[TS]
00:27:38
◼
►
think that ball if you if you took if
[TS]
00:27:42
◼
►
you took the they live of human face
[TS]
00:27:45
◼
►
mask off of Paul you would find a you
[TS]
00:27:48
◼
►
would find a mini tentacled cthulhu
[TS]
00:27:51
◼
►
really yeah
[TS]
00:27:53
◼
►
Ringo is the only person the only beetle
[TS]
00:27:56
◼
►
who is genuinely nice like Ringo is is
[TS]
00:28:00
◼
►
purely a nice person i believe that but
[TS]
00:28:02
◼
►
George there's something there's
[TS]
00:28:05
◼
►
something darken in George that you know
[TS]
00:28:07
◼
►
that a that he tried to solve let's call
[TS]
00:28:11
◼
►
let's say George tried to solve his
[TS]
00:28:14
◼
►
darkness and I and I admire him for that
[TS]
00:28:16
◼
►
that's one of the reasons he's my
[TS]
00:28:18
◼
►
favorite people
[TS]
00:28:19
◼
►
he's also the smallest people know me
[TS]
00:28:22
◼
►
Tony Ringo is taller than George well I
[TS]
00:28:25
◼
►
don't know if he's taller than George
[TS]
00:28:26
◼
►
but he's bigger than George huh
[TS]
00:28:29
◼
►
right like smallness George kind of
[TS]
00:28:31
◼
►
narrow gorge is narrow i think if you
[TS]
00:28:33
◼
►
put them in a mass spectrometer ok
[TS]
00:28:36
◼
►
George would have the seals and a
[TS]
00:28:38
◼
►
spectrometer
[TS]
00:28:39
◼
►
oh no my low but George's my face is
[TS]
00:28:44
◼
►
that more molecular molecular weight
[TS]
00:28:46
◼
►
Ringo does the Ringo yeah these
[TS]
00:28:49
◼
►
molecules are bigger ok but there are a
[TS]
00:28:53
◼
►
few songs by George that just make me as
[TS]
00:28:58
◼
►
happy as any as any music
[TS]
00:29:02
◼
►
and it's um I can't explain exactly why
[TS]
00:29:07
◼
►
uh yeah i'm sorry i'm typing now that's
[TS]
00:29:13
◼
►
fine um I can explain exactly why these
[TS]
00:29:16
◼
►
these these George Harrison tunes made
[TS]
00:29:21
◼
►
me happier than almost any other Beatles
[TS]
00:29:24
◼
►
but but they did right like I want to
[TS]
00:29:28
◼
►
tell you how to does that not make you
[TS]
00:29:31
◼
►
happy just to think about it now but
[TS]
00:29:33
◼
►
like sample like I like everything about
[TS]
00:29:35
◼
►
that song
[TS]
00:29:36
◼
►
yes it's really feel something up but he
[TS]
00:29:39
◼
►
doesn't know why it but it's also just
[TS]
00:29:41
◼
►
the music I'm just kind of singing in my
[TS]
00:29:43
◼
►
head it's very angular for the time then
[TS]
00:29:45
◼
►
and it's kinda got a weird it's got a
[TS]
00:29:48
◼
►
weird vibe for the time
[TS]
00:29:50
◼
►
dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb i mean that's
[TS]
00:29:52
◼
►
that's a heavy jam it's got that cool
[TS]
00:29:55
◼
►
what's a boy truffle is something that
[TS]
00:29:58
◼
►
you just go WTF that's not you nobody
[TS]
00:30:03
◼
►
puts that on the list of best beatles
[TS]
00:30:04
◼
►
songs but i really really like it and
[TS]
00:30:08
◼
►
then within you without you
[TS]
00:30:10
◼
►
that's what we're talking about the
[TS]
00:30:11
◼
►
space to ourselves
[TS]
00:30:13
◼
►
that's right ok George Harrison Beatles
[TS]
00:30:15
◼
►
and uh and it is i get that solo record
[TS]
00:30:20
◼
►
which is just like whoo right we let
[TS]
00:30:22
◼
►
what is life
[TS]
00:30:23
◼
►
I mean come on it's easier to make no
[TS]
00:30:25
◼
►
sensible what if lyrics guy I'm just got
[TS]
00:30:29
◼
►
down our narrow narrow its man that gets
[TS]
00:30:32
◼
►
got some he's got so many killer riffs
[TS]
00:30:34
◼
►
the horns on that like oh and I oh my
[TS]
00:30:37
◼
►
god no no I i suggest to you this
[TS]
00:30:40
◼
►
yeah go into the internet okay I'm going
[TS]
00:30:43
◼
►
in now go up the go up the stream
[TS]
00:30:46
◼
►
through the valve pass that test the
[TS]
00:30:48
◼
►
tendrils to through a tendril all the
[TS]
00:30:50
◼
►
way to the cave under the bridge orb
[TS]
00:30:52
◼
►
don't don't don't listen to it right now
[TS]
00:30:55
◼
►
because we're doing a podcast right but
[TS]
00:30:58
◼
►
there is a there is a track on the
[TS]
00:31:00
◼
►
Internet of clapton playing guitar on
[TS]
00:31:07
◼
►
what his life was an isolated track
[TS]
00:31:12
◼
►
well wait a minute he George so I love
[TS]
00:31:15
◼
►
this because of the
[TS]
00:31:15
◼
►
story that it suggests George had
[TS]
00:31:17
◼
►
Clapton in his pal his wife stealer
[TS]
00:31:20
◼
►
uh-huh and clapped and laid down a track
[TS]
00:31:23
◼
►
on what is life that George did not use
[TS]
00:31:26
◼
►
what is life secondly guitar
[TS]
00:31:29
◼
►
yeah okay well and he's gotten but it's
[TS]
00:31:31
◼
►
a rhythm it's a rhythm track so there's
[TS]
00:31:33
◼
►
a if he plays the lead i didn't hear it
[TS]
00:31:35
◼
►
but he does play a rhythm track that's
[TS]
00:31:38
◼
►
very very Clapton that's all like
[TS]
00:31:40
◼
►
chicken back toward on plant want to
[TS]
00:31:43
◼
►
grip down in particular
[TS]
00:31:44
◼
►
he's dead just got like he's got a whole
[TS]
00:31:46
◼
►
part it's not just a he's not just
[TS]
00:31:48
◼
►
laying down a strumming acoustic he's
[TS]
00:31:50
◼
►
got like a he's doing a bit throughout
[TS]
00:31:52
◼
►
that's Clapton II and I was like is this
[TS]
00:31:55
◼
►
in there as I was listening to it was
[TS]
00:31:57
◼
►
like is this in the track i can't
[TS]
00:31:58
◼
►
believe it
[TS]
00:31:59
◼
►
this is such a like Clapton you chicka
[TS]
00:32:03
◼
►
it's like a chew its not its chillin and
[TS]
00:32:06
◼
►
I don't have that song juke remember
[TS]
00:32:07
◼
►
chicken I remember it having of a tank
[TS]
00:32:10
◼
►
again gonna get like a sick scored like
[TS]
00:32:12
◼
►
a thing you know I mean that that's what
[TS]
00:32:14
◼
►
I remember the rhythm guitar being well
[TS]
00:32:16
◼
►
so then you go listen to the track and
[TS]
00:32:17
◼
►
you realize George had George head a
[TS]
00:32:20
◼
►
George Clapton come in charge captain
[TS]
00:32:22
◼
►
and play this track and then he was like
[TS]
00:32:26
◼
►
when they were mixing it he said it's
[TS]
00:32:29
◼
►
not really working and he pulled it out
[TS]
00:32:30
◼
►
because it would have totally changed
[TS]
00:32:32
◼
►
the tune and that's a thing that George
[TS]
00:32:35
◼
►
Harrison can do not use the clapton
[TS]
00:32:38
◼
►
track what you're clapping came in and
[TS]
00:32:40
◼
►
played some jubilant thing on a long
[TS]
00:32:41
◼
►
winter song I'd feel somewhat obligated
[TS]
00:32:43
◼
►
to have it in the track right but
[TS]
00:32:47
◼
►
George's like now
[TS]
00:32:49
◼
►
no that's not what that's not what i'm
[TS]
00:32:51
◼
►
going for and I thought that was pretty
[TS]
00:32:53
◼
►
cool like mute the clapton ok i'll check
[TS]
00:32:56
◼
►
that out and try to see some of that
[TS]
00:32:58
◼
►
one's here
[TS]
00:32:58
◼
►
I think you'll like it um look at a few
[TS]
00:33:02
◼
►
you know you do
[TS]
00:33:05
◼
►
imagine my tell you i mean my need you
[TS]
00:33:10
◼
►
somewhere mmm that you you know Harvey
[TS]
00:33:16
◼
►
danger covered that too when I
[TS]
00:33:17
◼
►
the band really there's a local band has
[TS]
00:33:19
◼
►
a cover that too it's it's such a great
[TS]
00:33:21
◼
►
little 3-quart pop song that is that's
[TS]
00:33:23
◼
►
oh man did you know I don't know if I've
[TS]
00:33:26
◼
►
ever told you this
[TS]
00:33:27
◼
►
we did not have a toaster oven in my
[TS]
00:33:29
◼
►
home when I was growing up he did not
[TS]
00:33:31
◼
►
have a toaster oven in your really no
[TS]
00:33:34
◼
►
tools no toaster oven we had a toaster
[TS]
00:33:36
◼
►
well I know that you and your sister you
[TS]
00:33:38
◼
►
got your mystery brother you never talk
[TS]
00:33:39
◼
►
about but this is you and your sister
[TS]
00:33:41
◼
►
living with your mom
[TS]
00:33:42
◼
►
that's right no toaster no toaster oven
[TS]
00:33:44
◼
►
was it on like ethical moral grounds why
[TS]
00:33:46
◼
►
would you not
[TS]
00:33:47
◼
►
and this was this was one of this is
[TS]
00:33:48
◼
►
like not having a calculator in your
[TS]
00:33:50
◼
►
well we had calculator sure use them all
[TS]
00:33:53
◼
►
the time she's not afraid of science and
[TS]
00:33:54
◼
►
math know my mom's the original stem
[TS]
00:33:57
◼
►
that's right she had we had one of the
[TS]
00:33:59
◼
►
first chicken soup maybe 1 John my mom I
[TS]
00:34:03
◼
►
don't think made a calculator but she
[TS]
00:34:04
◼
►
knew how to use a graphing calculator
[TS]
00:34:05
◼
►
Oh hot which I never figured out no
[TS]
00:34:08
◼
►
sense but you know I could find it
[TS]
00:34:13
◼
►
I could I could push the cosine button
[TS]
00:34:15
◼
►
and watch what it did
[TS]
00:34:18
◼
►
that's that's going on your CV you know
[TS]
00:34:21
◼
►
I i spent many an afternoon pushing a
[TS]
00:34:23
◼
►
pushing the cosine button1 roulette
[TS]
00:34:26
◼
►
shale shale oil boobs but I but here's a
[TS]
00:34:32
◼
►
here's the weird business is that I had
[TS]
00:34:36
◼
►
never seen a toaster of them we just
[TS]
00:34:39
◼
►
didn't have one it was it never came up
[TS]
00:34:42
◼
►
my dad didn't have one either and then
[TS]
00:34:45
◼
►
later on in life like when I went to
[TS]
00:34:47
◼
►
college
[TS]
00:34:48
◼
►
some kid had a toaster oven in his room
[TS]
00:34:50
◼
►
and I was like what's this miraculous
[TS]
00:34:52
◼
►
thing you can put a piece of pizza in
[TS]
00:34:55
◼
►
there and it it makes it like so much
[TS]
00:34:58
◼
►
better than microwave pete's sake
[TS]
00:35:00
◼
►
yeah we we had we had no access to this
[TS]
00:35:02
◼
►
technology and I think if we wanted to
[TS]
00:35:04
◼
►
heat up a pizza we turned on the oven
[TS]
00:35:07
◼
►
yep but we did it we were early adopters
[TS]
00:35:10
◼
►
of microwaves
[TS]
00:35:12
◼
►
ok so so your mom to have a microwave we
[TS]
00:35:14
◼
►
got a microwave a fairly early in the
[TS]
00:35:17
◼
►
consumer ionization of of a nuclear
[TS]
00:35:20
◼
►
power to hell but the youngsters today
[TS]
00:35:22
◼
►
the millenniums will not remember that
[TS]
00:35:24
◼
►
we got our first 1i want to say 77 78 78
[TS]
00:35:27
◼
►
and better than that but but no but
[TS]
00:35:30
◼
►
being a why because it was yeah well its
[TS]
00:35:33
◼
►
gonna be like having hiroshima in your
[TS]
00:35:34
◼
►
kitchen yeah you turn it on when you run
[TS]
00:35:36
◼
►
into the other room and you tell me you
[TS]
00:35:38
◼
►
got like nuclear technology in your oven
[TS]
00:35:40
◼
►
you think that doors gonna protect you
[TS]
00:35:42
◼
►
yeah well so we got ours in about
[TS]
00:35:45
◼
►
nineteen eighty but it was the size of a
[TS]
00:35:47
◼
►
stereo speaker and I mean the size of a
[TS]
00:35:50
◼
►
nineteen eighty stereos because sure
[TS]
00:35:52
◼
►
write it it had it was this if you could
[TS]
00:35:54
◼
►
put two woofers but the usable space
[TS]
00:35:56
◼
►
inside was still kinda surpassingly
[TS]
00:35:58
◼
►
small there's a lot of stuff in the oven
[TS]
00:36:00
◼
►
by 1980 they had made it so that you
[TS]
00:36:03
◼
►
it's not like you're going to put a
[TS]
00:36:04
◼
►
turkey in there and if you did put a
[TS]
00:36:06
◼
►
turkey in there would either explode or
[TS]
00:36:08
◼
►
become like it would it would have the
[TS]
00:36:11
◼
►
consistency of flawed i tried i tried to
[TS]
00:36:13
◼
►
cook a chicken once in college I tried
[TS]
00:36:16
◼
►
to cook a chicken in the microwave it
[TS]
00:36:18
◼
►
was unspeakable what to do this animal
[TS]
00:36:21
◼
►
haha yeah what did you do well you know
[TS]
00:36:25
◼
►
there was a time when i start to capture
[TS]
00:36:27
◼
►
story but there's a time when you can
[TS]
00:36:28
◼
►
get microwave because in the original
[TS]
00:36:29
◼
►
vision of microwaves I think the
[TS]
00:36:31
◼
►
marketing geniuses realized that the
[TS]
00:36:34
◼
►
microwave parts or like steve jobs in
[TS]
00:36:36
◼
►
the iphone were like we had to get want
[TS]
00:36:37
◼
►
to give you this internet communicator
[TS]
00:36:39
◼
►
but we had to call the phone otherwise
[TS]
00:36:40
◼
►
you wouldn't buy and in this case this
[TS]
00:36:42
◼
►
is a whole new technology but it also
[TS]
00:36:45
◼
►
had to feel like a regular oven so we do
[TS]
00:36:47
◼
►
stuff like browning you'd have like a
[TS]
00:36:48
◼
►
little like up cover burner in there
[TS]
00:36:50
◼
►
where you can brown things people like
[TS]
00:36:52
◼
►
why would I because people the idea
[TS]
00:36:54
◼
►
about microwaves was there dangerous
[TS]
00:36:55
◼
►
than a few food toxic and it doesn't
[TS]
00:36:58
◼
►
really cook anything except maybe
[TS]
00:36:59
◼
►
scrambled eggs and then that's really
[TS]
00:37:01
◼
►
that was the thought or you know bacon
[TS]
00:37:03
◼
►
you can make bacon your microwave and by
[TS]
00:37:04
◼
►
the way I've got a great pic and recipe
[TS]
00:37:05
◼
►
for you but but
[TS]
00:37:07
◼
►
so this one did not have that if it did
[TS]
00:37:09
◼
►
happen i didn't use it i didn't really
[TS]
00:37:11
◼
►
understand how to use a microwave and
[TS]
00:37:12
◼
►
with everything you can imagine being
[TS]
00:37:13
◼
►
horribly wrong about this food it just
[TS]
00:37:15
◼
►
it made it like it was just it was kinda
[TS]
00:37:17
◼
►
like a big pile of human skin
[TS]
00:37:20
◼
►
yeah was it was yellow ok it was yellow
[TS]
00:37:24
◼
►
and kind of crackly and it was very very
[TS]
00:37:27
◼
►
unpleasant and I had to just have to
[TS]
00:37:28
◼
►
just let go a little bit of a crack one
[TS]
00:37:30
◼
►
road cracks so you just toss the old
[TS]
00:37:34
◼
►
trick what do you do you know I hate
[TS]
00:37:35
◼
►
throwing food away but you know what it
[TS]
00:37:37
◼
►
looks like and also used to cook my
[TS]
00:37:38
◼
►
bathroom in college
[TS]
00:37:40
◼
►
that's a different issue the microwave
[TS]
00:37:41
◼
►
that we had in 1980 we continue to have
[TS]
00:37:45
◼
►
through the eighties into the nineties
[TS]
00:37:47
◼
►
and then when I moved to Seattle I took
[TS]
00:37:50
◼
►
said microwave did have a handling a
[TS]
00:37:52
◼
►
chunk it had a boat went to chunk it one
[TS]
00:37:54
◼
►
could jump like a vault door
[TS]
00:37:56
◼
►
yeah like but like I like the deep
[TS]
00:37:57
◼
►
freeze at a restaurant and had like a
[TS]
00:37:58
◼
►
latch it didn't have just like a little
[TS]
00:38:00
◼
►
door that swung open you had to go cut
[TS]
00:38:02
◼
►
chunk no it wasn't a like industrial
[TS]
00:38:04
◼
►
food service one it was consumed it was
[TS]
00:38:08
◼
►
you know what had a woodgrain finish
[TS]
00:38:10
◼
►
bright stars
[TS]
00:38:11
◼
►
um but but I put it on top of the
[TS]
00:38:14
◼
►
refrigerator in my apartment in in
[TS]
00:38:16
◼
►
seattle and it was the same width as the
[TS]
00:38:19
◼
►
refrigerator like it sat on top it's
[TS]
00:38:21
◼
►
that proudly Wow on top of the
[TS]
00:38:23
◼
►
refrigerator giant microwave and then
[TS]
00:38:27
◼
►
one day I came home I opened the door
[TS]
00:38:29
◼
►
and will open my front door and was
[TS]
00:38:32
◼
►
greeted with a blast of hot air and I
[TS]
00:38:35
◼
►
was like what
[TS]
00:38:37
◼
►
hey uh huh and I could see into my
[TS]
00:38:39
◼
►
apartment and I saw that all the windows
[TS]
00:38:42
◼
►
were steamed and I was like what the who
[TS]
00:38:45
◼
►
what did I leave the shower on is there
[TS]
00:38:49
◼
►
someone and then I was for a brief
[TS]
00:38:51
◼
►
moment I was like be is there some
[TS]
00:38:53
◼
►
amazing woman that's come into my
[TS]
00:38:55
◼
►
apartment is showering and when I walk
[TS]
00:38:58
◼
►
into my place she's gonna get out of the
[TS]
00:39:00
◼
►
she's probably in trouble and say that
[TS]
00:39:02
◼
►
she had trouble she's place to go to get
[TS]
00:39:04
◼
►
a quick shower
[TS]
00:39:05
◼
►
she's either in trouble or she says in a
[TS]
00:39:07
◼
►
Russian accent huh
[TS]
00:39:09
◼
►
we've been watching you m or something
[TS]
00:39:11
◼
►
many movies I've seen let me to believe
[TS]
00:39:13
◼
►
this would be that is a fairly plausible
[TS]
00:39:15
◼
►
explanation for why of steam in your
[TS]
00:39:17
◼
►
sure I kept I I stood there and I was
[TS]
00:39:19
◼
►
like this is you know like I I then mind
[TS]
00:39:23
◼
►
taking out my pistol who from inside my
[TS]
00:39:26
◼
►
shoulder holster between my tweed jacket
[TS]
00:39:29
◼
►
and my turtleneck
[TS]
00:39:30
◼
►
and then I appeared into the bathroom
[TS]
00:39:33
◼
►
thinking that there would be a lovely
[TS]
00:39:35
◼
►
russian spy who stepped out but in fact
[TS]
00:39:37
◼
►
there was not and then I walked into the
[TS]
00:39:38
◼
►
kitchen and the microwave was on
[TS]
00:39:41
◼
►
oh and had been on all day with nothing
[TS]
00:39:46
◼
►
in it turned itself on know and I was
[TS]
00:39:50
◼
►
like what
[TS]
00:39:51
◼
►
oh no no no what the what yeah and I ran
[TS]
00:39:55
◼
►
in and I pushed stop on the on the
[TS]
00:39:59
◼
►
button and it did not stop it did not
[TS]
00:40:03
◼
►
want to stop and so I think even in 1996
[TS]
00:40:12
◼
►
when this was i think i did at
[TS]
00:40:15
◼
►
absolutely feel like maybe the entire
[TS]
00:40:18
◼
►
apartment was full of radon and Iran
[TS]
00:40:22
◼
►
that's like that's one of the first
[TS]
00:40:24
◼
►
rules i mean one of one of the rules is
[TS]
00:40:26
◼
►
don't you ever put metal in the
[TS]
00:40:28
◼
►
microwave and the other one is you never
[TS]
00:40:29
◼
►
have nothing in the microwave right and
[TS]
00:40:32
◼
►
I never really got the full explanation
[TS]
00:40:33
◼
►
about why that would be I can second
[TS]
00:40:35
◼
►
speculate but I think radon is a very
[TS]
00:40:37
◼
►
that's a pretty predictable outcome
[TS]
00:40:39
◼
►
radon or a older Eaton's yeah meetin's
[TS]
00:40:45
◼
►
so I then I ran back in unplugged it and
[TS]
00:40:49
◼
►
then stayed out of there for the rest of
[TS]
00:40:51
◼
►
the day came back in very suspiciously
[TS]
00:40:54
◼
►
still no one interesting in the shower
[TS]
00:40:56
◼
►
and I immediately said about moving out
[TS]
00:40:59
◼
►
of this apartment and when I moved out i
[TS]
00:41:02
◼
►
left the microwave because this was also
[TS]
00:41:04
◼
►
the apartment this was the apartment
[TS]
00:41:05
◼
►
where the manager said i did not make
[TS]
00:41:07
◼
►
the rat God made the wrap and so get
[TS]
00:41:12
◼
►
your least sir
[TS]
00:41:13
◼
►
and so it says right there God made the
[TS]
00:41:15
◼
►
rack it's it was a force majeure what
[TS]
00:41:18
◼
►
ok that's God right that's not matter at
[TS]
00:41:20
◼
►
yeah so this was the apartment that so
[TS]
00:41:23
◼
►
here's how i left the apartment right
[TS]
00:41:24
◼
►
under the refrigerator i took all the
[TS]
00:41:27
◼
►
white bombs and I left the microwave
[TS]
00:41:29
◼
►
that will ship it so II he either had a
[TS]
00:41:34
◼
►
real mess to clean up or he just rented
[TS]
00:41:37
◼
►
the apartment with the microwave
[TS]
00:41:39
◼
►
I don't know if you plug it back in and
[TS]
00:41:40
◼
►
it started running again
[TS]
00:41:43
◼
►
like I don't know which one of the
[TS]
00:41:45
◼
►
little the little like synapses the open
[TS]
00:41:49
◼
►
closed doors the the on/off so the ones
[TS]
00:41:52
◼
►
and zeros
[TS]
00:41:53
◼
►
uh-huh I don't know which one shorted
[TS]
00:41:55
◼
►
out so that this thing was like I'm on
[TS]
00:41:57
◼
►
now you can't keep me off haha imagine
[TS]
00:42:02
◼
►
you've been away for the weekend that's
[TS]
00:42:03
◼
►
why my works is I feel like Oh imagine
[TS]
00:42:05
◼
►
that went on for like a Liberty weekend
[TS]
00:42:07
◼
►
you know how long how long before
[TS]
00:42:08
◼
►
melting itself
[TS]
00:42:09
◼
►
I mean it's steamed up the house I don't
[TS]
00:42:11
◼
►
even know where it got all that steam
[TS]
00:42:12
◼
►
isn't one of the rules of Robotics
[TS]
00:42:13
◼
►
you're not allowed to hurt people
[TS]
00:42:15
◼
►
right yeah he can't hurt other
[TS]
00:42:17
◼
►
microwaves right don't go on by yourself
[TS]
00:42:19
◼
►
right Stan stay on the roads down the
[TS]
00:42:21
◼
►
Moores one of the rules of our local
[TS]
00:42:24
◼
►
employers ya never a never initiate a
[TS]
00:42:29
◼
►
land war in Asia brightness is she on
[TS]
00:42:31
◼
►
sunday i don't invade Russia in the fall
[TS]
00:42:34
◼
►
mhm up against this is necessary and get
[TS]
00:42:36
◼
►
this online but all these things should
[TS]
00:42:41
◼
►
have been in the microwaves prime
[TS]
00:42:42
◼
►
directive why we're not putting out
[TS]
00:42:43
◼
►
ebooks we can help so many people do you
[TS]
00:42:46
◼
►
know many people have microwaves and
[TS]
00:42:47
◼
►
don't really know all the all the laws
[TS]
00:42:49
◼
►
and rules there are 40 Merlin Mann
[TS]
00:42:51
◼
►
parody accounts on Twitter but there's
[TS]
00:42:54
◼
►
no Merlin Mann ebooks
[TS]
00:42:55
◼
►
oh yeah yeah we get the bottom does that
[TS]
00:42:58
◼
►
I would be indistinguishable from actual
[TS]
00:43:00
◼
►
account
[TS]
00:43:00
◼
►
yeah I I feel the same way i don't think
[TS]
00:43:02
◼
►
i'm on my account is where but people
[TS]
00:43:04
◼
►
tell me it's where John syracuse I think
[TS]
00:43:05
◼
►
my comments very weird and I don't get
[TS]
00:43:07
◼
►
that you make references to things that
[TS]
00:43:10
◼
►
are flying through the sky
[TS]
00:43:11
◼
►
yeah that can all be googled well but
[TS]
00:43:14
◼
►
there goes now and you see it and you
[TS]
00:43:16
◼
►
refer to it but in a lot of cases no one
[TS]
00:43:19
◼
►
else thought oh I see
[TS]
00:43:21
◼
►
see what I mean yeah at least like two
[TS]
00:43:24
◼
►
policemen saw they chased it over a hill
[TS]
00:43:27
◼
►
they're not gonna talk about that like a
[TS]
00:43:28
◼
►
pilot like a pilot less than pallets
[TS]
00:43:29
◼
►
going to do is say oh yeah I saw new foe
[TS]
00:43:32
◼
►
yeah you know you do that that's a quick
[TS]
00:43:33
◼
►
trip to retirement right there I watched
[TS]
00:43:35
◼
►
a i watched a an actual like documentary
[TS]
00:43:41
◼
►
but like someone was filming in a
[TS]
00:43:42
◼
►
control tower at some point in the
[TS]
00:43:44
◼
►
nineteen seventies and there was a there
[TS]
00:43:47
◼
►
was a new foe
[TS]
00:43:49
◼
►
and the control guys were talking to the
[TS]
00:43:51
◼
►
pilots and they were like three pilots
[TS]
00:43:53
◼
►
that saw it and they all were describing
[TS]
00:43:55
◼
►
it to each other and they were all
[TS]
00:43:56
◼
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talking about it and then at the end and
[TS]
00:43:59
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then all the you know like at the end
[TS]
00:44:01
◼
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the air traffic controller was like do
[TS]
00:44:04
◼
►
you want to report this
[TS]
00:44:06
◼
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and there was a long pause and you could
[TS]
00:44:09
◼
►
hear the pilots go about me- i don't
[TS]
00:44:12
◼
►
want to report it and they're there and
[TS]
00:44:14
◼
►
it just went downstream little jiminy
[TS]
00:44:16
◼
►
Christmas
[TS]
00:44:17
◼
►
merrily merrily merrily who is the thing
[TS]
00:44:19
◼
►
is we talked about this before but you
[TS]
00:44:21
◼
►
know was it with regards to the
[TS]
00:44:22
◼
►
anchorman UFOs you know if you're in a
[TS]
00:44:24
◼
►
cockpit a lot forgive my french but like
[TS]
00:44:27
◼
►
if you're in there a lot you've seen a
[TS]
00:44:28
◼
►
lot of stuff you've identified a lot of
[TS]
00:44:30
◼
►
stuff is this thing and not that thing
[TS]
00:44:32
◼
►
and it seems to me if you've done that
[TS]
00:44:34
◼
►
for even like a few years if you see
[TS]
00:44:37
◼
►
something that doesn't seem right
[TS]
00:44:38
◼
►
I mean you know maybe this corner cases
[TS]
00:44:40
◼
►
but i think all weather balloon they
[TS]
00:44:41
◼
►
know stuff like that
[TS]
00:44:43
◼
►
yeah that sounds like a jam up to me and
[TS]
00:44:45
◼
►
a lot of the time that you're piloting
[TS]
00:44:47
◼
►
and looking at stuff the whole game is
[TS]
00:44:50
◼
►
what is that and how far away is it
[TS]
00:44:52
◼
►
right like what altitude is it what
[TS]
00:44:55
◼
►
direction is moving
[TS]
00:44:56
◼
►
how far away is it and what speed is it
[TS]
00:44:58
◼
►
go except really where we can we sit on
[TS]
00:45:01
◼
►
our back porch sometimes we like to send
[TS]
00:45:02
◼
►
our back porch and just look at the sky
[TS]
00:45:03
◼
►
and one of our little games is to notice
[TS]
00:45:05
◼
►
how many things are planes because I
[TS]
00:45:07
◼
►
guess is a flight pattern out over the
[TS]
00:45:09
◼
►
Pacific which is what we look at from
[TS]
00:45:10
◼
►
our back porch and there are times when
[TS]
00:45:13
◼
►
my daughter and I will both look up and
[TS]
00:45:14
◼
►
get those planes look way too close and
[TS]
00:45:17
◼
►
they look like they're heading in the
[TS]
00:45:18
◼
►
same direction obviously they must not
[TS]
00:45:20
◼
►
be I've looked at flightaware your spend
[TS]
00:45:21
◼
►
time on flightaware he must've huh
[TS]
00:45:24
◼
►
it's a nice program i spent a lot of
[TS]
00:45:26
◼
►
time looking at flight patterns but in
[TS]
00:45:27
◼
►
this case you can now I know that's
[TS]
00:45:29
◼
►
because I don't know how far apart those
[TS]
00:45:30
◼
►
things actually are
[TS]
00:45:31
◼
►
yeah they've got a pilot man I don't
[TS]
00:45:34
◼
►
know man
[TS]
00:45:35
◼
►
so those guys I mean you ever write you
[TS]
00:45:38
◼
►
ever look out the window of a plane that
[TS]
00:45:39
◼
►
you're flying in and then all of a
[TS]
00:45:41
◼
►
sudden a plane going the other way goes
[TS]
00:45:42
◼
►
by really fast happened to me last year
[TS]
00:45:44
◼
►
and it scared the shit out of me
[TS]
00:45:46
◼
►
I think there's no way this this is a
[TS]
00:45:48
◼
►
good idea whoa there goes it's one thing
[TS]
00:45:51
◼
►
people see a plane but to be able to
[TS]
00:45:52
◼
►
actually interpret like see that oh I
[TS]
00:45:54
◼
►
can see that this plane is going this
[TS]
00:45:55
◼
►
much faster or slower than my plan is to
[TS]
00:45:57
◼
►
god damn close
[TS]
00:45:58
◼
►
yeah you get the with called parallax
[TS]
00:46:00
◼
►
effect get a little bit
[TS]
00:46:01
◼
►
parallax effect whoo-hoo but so that's
[TS]
00:46:03
◼
►
all pilots to all day long they're like
[TS]
00:46:05
◼
►
to do so here's the thing and then they
[TS]
00:46:09
◼
►
call them they say I see the thing or
[TS]
00:46:11
◼
►
the tower the tower calls them and says
[TS]
00:46:12
◼
►
do you see that thing huh
[TS]
00:46:14
◼
►
and you know yet said you know it's it's
[TS]
00:46:17
◼
►
2,000 feet above me and it's moving in
[TS]
00:46:19
◼
►
this direction like that's it that's the
[TS]
00:46:21
◼
►
whole that's all they do
[TS]
00:46:23
◼
►
so when they say I don't know what that
[TS]
00:46:25
◼
►
is but that doesn't belong here a and
[TS]
00:46:29
◼
►
here's how fast it's moving here's how
[TS]
00:46:31
◼
►
big it is
[TS]
00:46:32
◼
►
here's how far away it is and the tower
[TS]
00:46:35
◼
►
goes my either see that or I don't let's
[TS]
00:46:38
◼
►
call over to the military base and see
[TS]
00:46:39
◼
►
what they say and the military base
[TS]
00:46:41
◼
►
predictably says not one of ours then
[TS]
00:46:45
◼
►
what do you do
[TS]
00:46:45
◼
►
right then but you don't want to report
[TS]
00:46:47
◼
►
it because then you're going to be on
[TS]
00:46:48
◼
►
the front page of the newspaper one at
[TS]
00:46:50
◼
►
this point it's like calling wave em we
[TS]
00:46:52
◼
►
don't mean they're gonna return now
[TS]
00:46:53
◼
►
they're gonna be like what looks fine
[TS]
00:46:55
◼
►
from here that's not weird you're gonna
[TS]
00:46:56
◼
►
say reset your router that's right just
[TS]
00:46:58
◼
►
unplug it not into it not into george
[TS]
00:47:02
◼
►
harrison modems you had something else
[TS]
00:47:05
◼
►
microwaves you know what's great about
[TS]
00:47:08
◼
►
flightaware you know these programs that
[TS]
00:47:11
◼
►
allow you to and it might even be
[TS]
00:47:13
◼
►
flattered that allow you to put in the
[TS]
00:47:14
◼
►
tail numbers of aircraft Florida
[TS]
00:47:16
◼
►
flightaware yeah yeah I or the bed at
[TS]
00:47:18
◼
►
the registration number of a boat and
[TS]
00:47:21
◼
►
find out who owns it and what launching
[TS]
00:47:24
◼
►
of that that's interesting
[TS]
00:47:25
◼
►
there's a boat 12 that will tell you
[TS]
00:47:27
◼
►
every boat that's on the water and all
[TS]
00:47:31
◼
►
their IDs and you can click on them and
[TS]
00:47:33
◼
►
see it so if you're in a if you're into
[TS]
00:47:35
◼
►
place and you see a giant yacht in your
[TS]
00:47:36
◼
►
like what asshole owns that yeah right
[TS]
00:47:38
◼
►
you can click it and over it is
[TS]
00:47:40
◼
►
all-aware putting down the button over
[TS]
00:47:43
◼
►
and then I God forgave Britt no don't
[TS]
00:47:47
◼
►
know he's a wonderful wonderful man
[TS]
00:47:48
◼
►
helps a lot of useful I think he's
[TS]
00:47:50
◼
►
listening to us right now and as I is
[TS]
00:47:52
◼
►
google glass
[TS]
00:47:52
◼
►
hello well but the other day John
[TS]
00:47:57
◼
►
Hodgman was somewhere probably London
[TS]
00:48:00
◼
►
and he sent me a picture of a Learjet
[TS]
00:48:02
◼
►
that was painted all black a flat black
[TS]
00:48:06
◼
►
Learjet and right on the front of it was
[TS]
00:48:09
◼
►
the old Woody Woodpecker
[TS]
00:48:12
◼
►
like a like a like a blue with the extra
[TS]
00:48:15
◼
►
elongated bill
[TS]
00:48:17
◼
►
no just the other long bill right but no
[TS]
00:48:20
◼
►
body just the head like the station the
[TS]
00:48:23
◼
►
same tattoo that was on the guy in let's
[TS]
00:48:28
◼
►
face and raising and john matuszak john
[TS]
00:48:30
◼
►
matuszak why do I know that and also
[TS]
00:48:33
◼
►
nicolas cage they had the same tattoo
[TS]
00:48:35
◼
►
because they were what brothers who
[TS]
00:48:38
◼
►
well now we don't know that's that
[TS]
00:48:39
◼
►
that's one that's one of the mysteries
[TS]
00:48:40
◼
►
of raising arizona sure what were they
[TS]
00:48:42
◼
►
want frat brothers know we want as one
[TS]
00:48:47
◼
►
to close of another mother brothers of
[TS]
00:48:49
◼
►
another mother what's the story there
[TS]
00:48:51
◼
►
boom will never see it because he's
[TS]
00:48:53
◼
►
blown up
[TS]
00:48:54
◼
►
spoiler alert and get em oh yeah that
[TS]
00:48:57
◼
►
was sad
[TS]
00:48:57
◼
►
he's I think he's one of the great
[TS]
00:48:59
◼
►
xboxing actors
[TS]
00:49:01
◼
►
oh he was a boxer but he was a boxer
[TS]
00:49:03
◼
►
this before they had ultimate fighting
[TS]
00:49:04
◼
►
especially just have boxing up
[TS]
00:49:07
◼
►
was he a fighter by trade my geometry
[TS]
00:49:09
◼
►
Zach yeah absolutely carry a reminder of
[TS]
00:49:12
◼
►
every glove that laid him down or cut
[TS]
00:49:13
◼
►
him until we cried out his anger and his
[TS]
00:49:17
◼
►
shame shame John wait jama to know and
[TS]
00:49:20
◼
►
that Jammeh to Zach was a football
[TS]
00:49:21
◼
►
player who might think enough
[TS]
00:49:23
◼
►
Ray's got great i had no ready ready
[TS]
00:49:26
◼
►
rent ex-cop Randall Texcoco even had
[TS]
00:49:29
◼
►
heard that name because I probably
[TS]
00:49:31
◼
►
google in one time because i thought it
[TS]
00:49:32
◼
►
was fascinating six-foot-three born 1950
[TS]
00:49:35
◼
►
he did boxing and karate a you know I'm
[TS]
00:49:38
◼
►
six-foot-three know he seems bigger than
[TS]
00:49:40
◼
►
me he isn't it funny how that works
[TS]
00:49:41
◼
►
isn't forced perspective thing John
[TS]
00:49:43
◼
►
well I think it's because a lot of
[TS]
00:49:44
◼
►
Hollywood actors are small in stature
[TS]
00:49:47
◼
►
how tall is Nicolas Cage I bet they say
[TS]
00:49:48
◼
►
he's five-ten what they say six six foot
[TS]
00:49:51
◼
►
tall but he's really 59
[TS]
00:49:52
◼
►
okay i'm gonna say Nicholas Cage is 61
[TS]
00:49:55
◼
►
Nicolas Cage you know you really fast
[TS]
00:49:59
◼
►
now I'm going now Nicholas Cage is
[TS]
00:50:02
◼
►
related to engage feet
[TS]
00:50:04
◼
►
Nicolas Cage Nicholas Cage's 660
[TS]
00:50:07
◼
►
according to the ASC that means 5 9 12
[TS]
00:50:10
◼
►
inches taller than Tom Cruise turns out
[TS]
00:50:12
◼
►
yeah he's not he's not at all John
[TS]
00:50:14
◼
►
Travolta 62
[TS]
00:50:16
◼
►
no yeah seems like a stretch well Leumi
[TS]
00:50:20
◼
►
less alone 5 10
[TS]
00:50:22
◼
►
please please no chance everything I
[TS]
00:50:25
◼
►
think he's little and then somebody I
[TS]
00:50:27
◼
►
somebody I know a just published a photo
[TS]
00:50:30
◼
►
of themselves on their zine and they
[TS]
00:50:36
◼
►
were standing next to sylvester stallone
[TS]
00:50:37
◼
►
and he was the size of a wastepaper
[TS]
00:50:39
◼
►
basket this November we head to the
[TS]
00:50:46
◼
►
polls and select the 45th President of
[TS]
00:50:48
◼
►
the United States of America but today
[TS]
00:50:52
◼
►
cards against humanity is asking you to
[TS]
00:50:55
◼
►
vote with your dollar for the candidate
[TS]
00:50:58
◼
►
that you support
[TS]
00:51:01
◼
►
the Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton
[TS]
00:51:03
◼
►
is a graduate of Yale Law School who has
[TS]
00:51:06
◼
►
served our country as secretary of state
[TS]
00:51:09
◼
►
senator from New York and First Lady of
[TS]
00:51:13
◼
►
the United States in her decades of
[TS]
00:51:17
◼
►
public service
[TS]
00:51:18
◼
►
she has tirelessly advocated for women's
[TS]
00:51:20
◼
►
rights campaign finance reform and
[TS]
00:51:23
◼
►
access to healthcare
[TS]
00:51:26
◼
►
the Republican candidate Donald Trump
[TS]
00:51:30
◼
►
will make America great again he is a
[TS]
00:51:33
◼
►
powerful CEO who wears three suits at
[TS]
00:51:38
◼
►
once all across America buildings scream
[TS]
00:51:42
◼
►
his name Trump Trump he always knows
[TS]
00:51:46
◼
►
what time it is
[TS]
00:51:50
◼
►
Donald Trump is a huge man who lives in
[TS]
00:51:54
◼
►
a golf course at the end of this
[TS]
00:51:58
◼
►
promotion cards against humanity will
[TS]
00:52:00
◼
►
tally up the sales of both packs and
[TS]
00:52:03
◼
►
depending on which pack gets more
[TS]
00:52:05
◼
►
support we will donate all the money in
[TS]
00:52:08
◼
►
support of Hillary Clinton
[TS]
00:52:11
◼
►
exercise your sacred franchise at
[TS]
00:52:15
◼
►
www.bulbamerica.com with cards against
[TS]
00:52:20
◼
►
humanity dot-com
[TS]
00:52:23
◼
►
he was what I think an office an office
[TS]
00:52:27
◼
►
wastepaper basket
[TS]
00:52:28
◼
►
yeah his nose was wider than he was tall
[TS]
00:52:30
◼
►
out here anyway Hodgman sent me this
[TS]
00:52:32
◼
►
picture of this airplane and he said
[TS]
00:52:33
◼
►
let's buy this airplane and uh went to
[TS]
00:52:37
◼
►
the site went followed this flightaware
[TS]
00:52:40
◼
►
to the site and it was owned by the
[TS]
00:52:42
◼
►
owned by an LLC called something dumb
[TS]
00:52:47
◼
►
something like little woody for or I
[TS]
00:52:51
◼
►
don't know what it was
[TS]
00:52:52
◼
►
sociological corporation John I think it
[TS]
00:52:54
◼
►
was a situation where somebody somebody
[TS]
00:52:58
◼
►
with more money than brains was like I
[TS]
00:53:00
◼
►
want my I'm gonna get my Learjet through
[TS]
00:53:03
◼
►
a broker I'm gonna buy some Learjet from
[TS]
00:53:06
◼
►
glenn frey the grand Rite estate and I'm
[TS]
00:53:10
◼
►
gonna rattle can it black and put a
[TS]
00:53:13
◼
►
Woody Woodpecker on it and and then
[TS]
00:53:16
◼
►
people will know I'm coming right right
[TS]
00:53:19
◼
►
sure that's what i want i want to land
[TS]
00:53:21
◼
►
in a regional airport in my black
[TS]
00:53:23
◼
►
Learjet and I want people to be like I
[TS]
00:53:26
◼
►
don't even know about
[TS]
00:53:27
◼
►
flightaware but i want to download just
[TS]
00:53:29
◼
►
to find out who this play is it's it's
[TS]
00:53:31
◼
►
really it's some noble to get to that
[TS]
00:53:32
◼
►
point life we are successful enough that
[TS]
00:53:34
◼
►
nobody tells you what an asshole you are
[TS]
00:53:35
◼
►
haha what do you think the finishes are
[TS]
00:53:38
◼
►
you going to do that we can do that we
[TS]
00:53:40
◼
►
can paint your you betcha you betcha mr.
[TS]
00:53:43
◼
►
guy and you woodpecker on there so it on
[TS]
00:53:46
◼
►
the inside I'm thinking either it is
[TS]
00:53:48
◼
►
like a super eighties interior like
[TS]
00:53:51
◼
►
mauve linoleum right because he got it
[TS]
00:53:55
◼
►
from glenn frey yes or it's some
[TS]
00:53:58
◼
►
situation where he took a lot of bench
[TS]
00:54:00
◼
►
seats out of a ford f150 were like out
[TS]
00:54:03
◼
►
of out of out of the e350 van and just
[TS]
00:54:05
◼
►
bolted them in because he bought he just
[TS]
00:54:08
◼
►
bought the shell there's like this thing
[TS]
00:54:10
◼
►
needs an interior and you got it you got
[TS]
00:54:13
◼
►
a bunch of seeds from a bus
[TS]
00:54:14
◼
►
oh but I i highly doubt whole little
[TS]
00:54:18
◼
►
woody but they don't think his Lear jet
[TS]
00:54:21
◼
►
is like custom appointments inside
[TS]
00:54:23
◼
►
yeah all of all hat no cowboy all hat no
[TS]
00:54:28
◼
►
cattle is that no cattle will have okay
[TS]
00:54:31
◼
►
I have no doubt is this your first day I
[TS]
00:54:35
◼
►
have no cowboy is what you say about it
[TS]
00:54:37
◼
►
boy coast but blue partner uh yeah
[TS]
00:54:44
◼
►
death is raking up him too oh my gosh
[TS]
00:54:47
◼
►
she's just pushing the cowboy out of the
[TS]
00:54:48
◼
►
hill never gets any better
[TS]
00:54:51
◼
►
oh my goodness yeah so I but I do that
[TS]
00:54:55
◼
►
so let me ask you this yeah if you were
[TS]
00:54:57
◼
►
going to have if you're going to have
[TS]
00:54:58
◼
►
somebody gave you a jet
[TS]
00:55:00
◼
►
ok let's say first of all that you had
[TS]
00:55:02
◼
►
money yeah a racket sure we go let's
[TS]
00:55:06
◼
►
imagine that you have money and enough
[TS]
00:55:09
◼
►
money you need a minute for this one be
[TS]
00:55:11
◼
►
ok let the get the gears turn and I know
[TS]
00:55:14
◼
►
you're gonna have to boil you're gonna
[TS]
00:55:15
◼
►
get oil came out and start boiling let
[TS]
00:55:18
◼
►
my VR headset you have money enough
[TS]
00:55:23
◼
►
money that you that it's now reasonable
[TS]
00:55:26
◼
►
that if you traveled you would not want
[TS]
00:55:30
◼
►
to fly commercial anymore okay
[TS]
00:55:32
◼
►
yep because that's a tremendous
[TS]
00:55:34
◼
►
inconvenience you have to wait around
[TS]
00:55:36
◼
►
it's a sit with other people they don't
[TS]
00:55:38
◼
►
serve Kentucky Fried Chicken nothing's
[TS]
00:55:39
◼
►
gold sometimes you want to leave when
[TS]
00:55:41
◼
►
you want to leave you have to gather you
[TS]
00:55:42
◼
►
want to get there yep because you're
[TS]
00:55:45
◼
►
you've got money now which means you're
[TS]
00:55:46
◼
►
important enough that you have to be
[TS]
00:55:47
◼
►
played mr. guy got to be places i get
[TS]
00:55:49
◼
►
get back to my bedroom in Manhattan
[TS]
00:55:51
◼
►
because it's literally the only place I
[TS]
00:55:52
◼
►
can sleep right right exactly you need
[TS]
00:55:55
◼
►
your pillow my pillow but you're not
[TS]
00:55:57
◼
►
gonna bring your pillow now I'm not a
[TS]
00:55:59
◼
►
monster is your pillow stays in your bed
[TS]
00:56:01
◼
►
that's how you know we're so in this
[TS]
00:56:02
◼
►
model somebody gives me a jet and let's
[TS]
00:56:04
◼
►
go we just stipulate maybe a place to
[TS]
00:56:06
◼
►
keep it and then for the sake of
[TS]
00:56:07
◼
►
argument i have enough money to do
[TS]
00:56:09
◼
►
something with it
[TS]
00:56:10
◼
►
yeah you have enough money a to maintain
[TS]
00:56:12
◼
►
it be to keep a pilot on call boy see to
[TS]
00:56:17
◼
►
pay the absorbent gas bills that are
[TS]
00:56:20
◼
►
that you know that uh attenuate every
[TS]
00:56:23
◼
►
time you turn the lights on and oh I
[TS]
00:56:27
◼
►
know but the thing is you have enough
[TS]
00:56:28
◼
►
money that you don't have to think about
[TS]
00:56:29
◼
►
any of this stuff your you just you you
[TS]
00:56:32
◼
►
charge your Executive Assistant with it
[TS]
00:56:34
◼
►
and then the bills get paid you never
[TS]
00:56:37
◼
►
think about it
[TS]
00:56:38
◼
►
yep here's your here's your jacket cost
[TS]
00:56:39
◼
►
you two hundred fifty thousand dollars a
[TS]
00:56:42
◼
►
just so that you can fly to wherever it
[TS]
00:56:45
◼
►
is you need yeah but forgot like me
[TS]
00:56:47
◼
►
that's a rounding error right exactly
[TS]
00:56:49
◼
►
it's just the interest payment on your
[TS]
00:56:50
◼
►
boat yeah right now how would you
[TS]
00:56:54
◼
►
configure your jet airplane okay
[TS]
00:56:58
◼
►
hmm i'm not super clear on the
[TS]
00:57:00
◼
►
constraints but i would say I would have
[TS]
00:57:03
◼
►
taken my family places
[TS]
00:57:05
◼
►
oh yeah absolutely have the same family
[TS]
00:57:06
◼
►
or what we know that I've got money to
[TS]
00:57:07
◼
►
have a different family
[TS]
00:57:08
◼
►
well I think you're gonna have to have
[TS]
00:57:10
◼
►
the same family you have but you could
[TS]
00:57:11
◼
►
add additional families up to 40 k
[TS]
00:57:14
◼
►
sliding doors
[TS]
00:57:15
◼
►
I got it okay and also your family
[TS]
00:57:17
◼
►
doesn't have to work your daughter no
[TS]
00:57:19
◼
►
longer has to work or school every night
[TS]
00:57:21
◼
►
she'd have to work anymore right
[TS]
00:57:23
◼
►
yeah you know she she gets to come out
[TS]
00:57:25
◼
►
of she doesn't have to thread the
[TS]
00:57:26
◼
►
needles at the symbol factory anymore
[TS]
00:57:29
◼
►
yeah that's just about the symbols
[TS]
00:57:31
◼
►
behind little fingers out this been the
[TS]
00:57:34
◼
►
symbol goes but i want to buy shopkins i
[TS]
00:57:36
◼
►
have to work at the thimble factory
[TS]
00:57:38
◼
►
yeah I don't just lying around you're
[TS]
00:57:40
◼
►
going well I think you would have like
[TS]
00:57:43
◼
►
five bathrooms and a pretty nice kitchen
[TS]
00:57:45
◼
►
and places like soundproof rooms for
[TS]
00:57:47
◼
►
everyone right and see the thing is I
[TS]
00:57:50
◼
►
this is all speculation because i don't
[TS]
00:57:51
◼
►
i haven't been on a lot of fancy jets
[TS]
00:57:53
◼
►
big benefits everybody gets their seen a
[TS]
00:57:56
◼
►
lot of fancy jets for watching sherlock
[TS]
00:57:57
◼
►
last night we saw a fancy jet in that on
[TS]
00:57:59
◼
►
the inside of that of course I've seen
[TS]
00:58:01
◼
►
the the Republican presidents Jack many
[TS]
00:58:03
◼
►
times I've seen that the Air Force One
[TS]
00:58:06
◼
►
yeah the most of the most of those seem
[TS]
00:58:09
◼
►
fairly unambitious it sounds like they
[TS]
00:58:12
◼
►
basically go nice chairs in more legroom
[TS]
00:58:15
◼
►
a table and maybe like a wet bar but not
[TS]
00:58:19
◼
►
really you're right that they don't
[TS]
00:58:20
◼
►
really go for they don't it's not very
[TS]
00:58:22
◼
►
fantastical it isn't like a psychedelic
[TS]
00:58:24
◼
►
sixties idea of a sex jet like it'sit's
[TS]
00:58:27
◼
►
very it seems most of these another very
[TS]
00:58:29
◼
►
costly know what now if I want to get
[TS]
00:58:31
◼
►
like like a Learjet our Gulf Stream
[TS]
00:58:32
◼
►
we're looking like 5 million dollars
[TS]
00:58:34
◼
►
oh it's a lot depending on you know it
[TS]
00:58:36
◼
►
goes up very quickly from like oh that's
[TS]
00:58:40
◼
►
an expensive indulgence
[TS]
00:58:42
◼
►
who to that's a ludicrous fame yeah that
[TS]
00:58:46
◼
►
you would have to that there's a frankly
[TS]
00:58:49
◼
►
no justification for like no CEO is so
[TS]
00:58:52
◼
►
important
[TS]
00:58:53
◼
►
that he needs to show his face like the
[TS]
00:58:56
◼
►
more important to CEO is I would think
[TS]
00:58:58
◼
►
the less likely he would actually have
[TS]
00:59:01
◼
►
to get his face in front of other people
[TS]
00:59:02
◼
►
that's a really good point let me ask
[TS]
00:59:04
◼
►
you this pop quiz hotshot how many rack
[TS]
00:59:07
◼
►
rate first class round trip flights per
[TS]
00:59:10
◼
►
year would you need to spend to make it
[TS]
00:59:13
◼
►
worth the effort to have a company check
[TS]
00:59:15
◼
►
answer anyway you want you would have to
[TS]
00:59:17
◼
►
be in the air all the time you would
[TS]
00:59:19
◼
►
have to be a super villain that was
[TS]
00:59:20
◼
►
getting refuel in midair
[TS]
00:59:22
◼
►
oh my goodness and never touch the
[TS]
00:59:24
◼
►
ground that costly it's a bit well just
[TS]
00:59:27
◼
►
the airplane like a like a like a like a
[TS]
00:59:29
◼
►
brand-new gulfstream to gulfstream and
[TS]
00:59:33
◼
►
there they want five last I checked
[TS]
00:59:35
◼
►
200-300 that's right girlfriend Vee
[TS]
00:59:38
◼
►
let's say Gulfstream V and let's see
[TS]
00:59:44
◼
►
always 36 million dollars as a 1998
[TS]
00:59:48
◼
►
don't even know what the latest call
[TS]
00:59:48
◼
►
streams are named by owners as the best
[TS]
00:59:52
◼
►
in value business aircraft 36 million
[TS]
00:59:55
◼
►
dollars in 1998 well hours non-stop
[TS]
00:59:55
◼
►
dollars in 1998 well hours non-stop
[TS]
01:00:00
◼
►
I'm here you can get you can get a used
[TS]
01:00:03
◼
►
one here at global air com
[TS]
01:00:05
◼
►
is that right a so 1999 gulfstream five
[TS]
01:00:09
◼
►
is only 14 million nine hundred thousand
[TS]
01:00:12
◼
►
now so it retains its value pretty well
[TS]
01:00:14
◼
►
so this is one of the things that you
[TS]
01:00:15
◼
►
wouldn't make it too fucking weird you
[TS]
01:00:17
◼
►
wouldn't have like a small abattoir it
[TS]
01:00:19
◼
►
because that would take some of the
[TS]
01:00:20
◼
►
retail value away
[TS]
01:00:21
◼
►
I think of you it's like it's like a
[TS]
01:00:23
◼
►
house if you decorate it too closely to
[TS]
01:00:25
◼
►
your own style you are going to have a
[TS]
01:00:29
◼
►
hard time selling it later okay
[TS]
01:00:32
◼
►
I went and looked at a house in tacoma
[TS]
01:00:34
◼
►
the other day that was that was like a
[TS]
01:00:37
◼
►
beautiful four-story tall victorian and
[TS]
01:00:41
◼
►
but had been decorated by a couple of
[TS]
01:00:43
◼
►
eccentrics I'm gonna say
[TS]
01:00:45
◼
►
husband-and-wife team of eccentrics and
[TS]
01:00:48
◼
►
the outside of the home was covered with
[TS]
01:00:50
◼
►
knitted it had trombones stapled to it
[TS]
01:00:53
◼
►
and that sounds eclectic I'd never seen
[TS]
01:00:58
◼
►
the like and I was like wow so that
[TS]
01:01:02
◼
►
every day so when you were when you
[TS]
01:01:04
◼
►
thought to put this house on the market
[TS]
01:01:06
◼
►
you didn't think take the trombones down
[TS]
01:01:08
◼
►
you're just like maybe the next owner
[TS]
01:01:11
◼
►
wants to fuck on a pile of trash
[TS]
01:01:17
◼
►
why would I deny them that right maybe
[TS]
01:01:20
◼
►
anyway somebody from neutral milk hotel
[TS]
01:01:21
◼
►
and you know they wanted some bones are
[TS]
01:01:23
◼
►
all war
[TS]
01:01:25
◼
►
Brandon gulfstream is singing against
[TS]
01:01:28
◼
►
signs on a pile 61 million dollars 61
[TS]
01:01:32
◼
►
million dollar which would be talking
[TS]
01:01:34
◼
►
about a brand-new gulfstream looking at
[TS]
01:01:36
◼
►
gulfstream g650 er which is 68.6 eight
[TS]
01:01:40
◼
►
million its seats 19mm 68 million yeah
[TS]
01:01:45
◼
►
so who so that means if you have 680
[TS]
01:01:49
◼
►
million dollars
[TS]
01:01:51
◼
►
this is already ten percent of your of
[TS]
01:01:53
◼
►
my my back-of-the-envelope calculation
[TS]
01:01:56
◼
►
on a first-class flight which i never by
[TS]
01:01:58
◼
►
it's only ever bought for me but
[TS]
01:02:00
◼
►
generally speaking I think you can
[TS]
01:02:01
◼
►
expect most American first-class flights
[TS]
01:02:04
◼
►
to be at least 2 grand record
[TS]
01:02:07
◼
►
yeah I i always think first-class
[TS]
01:02:09
◼
►
anywhere you'd want to go and if you're
[TS]
01:02:13
◼
►
flying first class you're probably not
[TS]
01:02:14
◼
►
booking those flights a long time in
[TS]
01:02:16
◼
►
advance right because its first your
[TS]
01:02:18
◼
►
first class wire but we seem two
[TS]
01:02:20
◼
►
thousand is that fair i would i would
[TS]
01:02:21
◼
►
have said for ok well let's say four if
[TS]
01:02:24
◼
►
you get lonely I yeah but even if its
[TS]
01:02:26
◼
►
let's say if it's 313
[TS]
01:02:28
◼
►
let's go if it's the abusive figure 3
[TS]
01:02:30
◼
►
thousand you fly once a week is my math
[TS]
01:02:33
◼
►
right that's a little over a hundred
[TS]
01:02:34
◼
►
fifty thousand dollars here okay
[TS]
01:02:36
◼
►
is that right i did the math right so do
[TS]
01:02:38
◼
►
that again no I probably did that wrong
[TS]
01:02:40
◼
►
yes say that again three feelings
[TS]
01:02:43
◼
►
graphing calculator should I close the
[TS]
01:02:45
◼
►
internet 3000 asterisk 5259 thousand
[TS]
01:02:52
◼
►
dollars per a rack rate first class
[TS]
01:02:57
◼
►
round trip flight more or less
[TS]
01:02:59
◼
►
let's double that let's double it double
[TS]
01:03:00
◼
►
that right 318,000 dollars a year
[TS]
01:03:05
◼
►
let's say maybe you're gonna even go to
[TS]
01:03:07
◼
►
Canada sometimes I don't know
[TS]
01:03:09
◼
►
yeah 300 how are you calculating this
[TS]
01:03:11
◼
►
300,000 dollars a year for what
[TS]
01:03:14
◼
►
oh uh so if you took a
[TS]
01:03:16
◼
►
three-thousand-dollar flight 52 times a
[TS]
01:03:18
◼
►
year a once-a-week that's a hundred
[TS]
01:03:20
◼
►
fifty six thousand dollars per flight
[TS]
01:03:23
◼
►
yeah if you if you amateur izing that
[TS]
01:03:26
◼
►
jet over the course of only one year the
[TS]
01:03:28
◼
►
amateur eyes it for one year you get
[TS]
01:03:30
◼
►
read that but you have to factor in how
[TS]
01:03:33
◼
►
much gasoline it costs to fly a
[TS]
01:03:36
◼
►
Gulfstream 50 did I mention you have
[TS]
01:03:38
◼
►
pyro pilot and a pilot and co-pilot and
[TS]
01:03:40
◼
►
probably don't you want somebody to
[TS]
01:03:42
◼
►
serve you drinks when you get your kid
[TS]
01:03:44
◼
►
making spray can make me a Bloody now
[TS]
01:03:45
◼
►
you're gonna have the whole reason your
[TS]
01:03:47
◼
►
riches your kid doesn't have to work at
[TS]
01:03:48
◼
►
it that's right get a gone from the
[TS]
01:03:50
◼
►
family pet factory you get a 1-year
[TS]
01:03:51
◼
►
Stewart yeah you're gonna want her on
[TS]
01:03:53
◼
►
richkids on Instagram
[TS]
01:03:55
◼
►
yes and you're not going to want to
[TS]
01:03:56
◼
►
fixing people's drinks on richkids on
[TS]
01:03:58
◼
►
Instagram
[TS]
01:03:59
◼
►
yeah she should be showing off her three
[TS]
01:04:01
◼
►
rolex watches Wow right so what so what
[TS]
01:04:04
◼
►
one of those things like a little like a
[TS]
01:04:06
◼
►
Russian rapper like her you know that
[TS]
01:04:07
◼
►
you know there's this crazy russian guy
[TS]
01:04:09
◼
►
photos where it's a guy with like two
[TS]
01:04:10
◼
►
pistols and like you know you know a
[TS]
01:04:13
◼
►
bunch of twenty dollar bills on a bed
[TS]
01:04:15
◼
►
diamond grill what we call that we call
[TS]
01:04:17
◼
►
that kinda is there a name for that
[TS]
01:04:19
◼
►
genre of people showing off their wealth
[TS]
01:04:21
◼
►
and guns
[TS]
01:04:22
◼
►
I I have definitely going on the
[TS]
01:04:25
◼
►
internet and found like ultimate fail
[TS]
01:04:27
◼
►
websites which used to be a thing I love
[TS]
01:04:30
◼
►
it's to go to ultimate fail tattoo fails
[TS]
01:04:33
◼
►
oh my god no lock my daughter's favorite
[TS]
01:04:36
◼
►
is no regrets
[TS]
01:04:37
◼
►
haha no rigor dad to sales of what
[TS]
01:04:43
◼
►
especially where the picture of the
[TS]
01:04:45
◼
►
little bit of the the person's infant
[TS]
01:04:46
◼
►
child is there and then the tattoo
[TS]
01:04:48
◼
►
representational image and child looks
[TS]
01:04:51
◼
►
to me like somebody drew with her feet
[TS]
01:04:53
◼
►
yeah like a shrunken shrunken applehead
[TS]
01:04:55
◼
►
yeah um and I think on some of those
[TS]
01:04:58
◼
►
sites ultimate fails I i followed links
[TS]
01:05:03
◼
►
to sites that just had people with it
[TS]
01:05:06
◼
►
like a hundred eighty dollars spread out
[TS]
01:05:09
◼
►
over the court over the bread spread of
[TS]
01:05:12
◼
►
a motel bed and like 22 guns and one
[TS]
01:05:16
◼
►
pellet gun and outfield CT yeah and a
[TS]
01:05:20
◼
►
couple of like the couple of packets
[TS]
01:05:23
◼
►
cigarettes guitar guitar band is
[TS]
01:05:25
◼
►
anything else i can put it this way i'm
[TS]
01:05:29
◼
►
gonna borrow the microwave for 2 flat
[TS]
01:05:31
◼
►
flat brim Yankees caps people i just
[TS]
01:05:36
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sent you link to my favorite new twitter
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this is the kind this is the Senate
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skype this is the kind of thing where
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you used to see a lot of this on the
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internet 10-15 years ago and then I
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guess became kind of a 4chan thing but
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if you want a nice mainstream
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twitter to follow try cursed images
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first images and you can find that by
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just going to twitter.com / cursed
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images my goodness
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yeah so is this is an art space well
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you'll see it's just it's just mostly
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disturbing photos haha well how about
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those up those what is that Badgers
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badger a lot of badges in one yard just
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a batters and look at the cat right now
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there's adding the corner looking at the
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Badger like holy shit this is not this
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is not how I wanted my life to turn out
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so I i have you I've told you in the
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01:06:23
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past that cats and possums will interact
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with one another then I told me that
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you've seen it John you seen it
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firsthand you know that they could make
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a and they could have an accord they
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could have a taunt
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they talked well apparently according to
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this image a cat and 30 Badgers will
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also just chill to think about the seats
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are rushing and yeah the guy drinking a
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tumbler of vodka while he eats what
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looks like salmon roe out of a big tub
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with the spoon la just scroll down
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there's a tremendous I like the
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Christmas wreath made out of baby
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carrots keep going down because of
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01:07:00
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cheetos oh yeah uh whoa i do feel like a
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badger is not a thing
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oh here's a guy in an oxygen tent who
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wanted to play the violin shirt it
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I'm sorry that's the old ok nice um I do
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feel my goodness to the Russian got him
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with the top of roe
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yeah look that's a lot of row and I
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think that's probably get some markets
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drinking there
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yeah he does seem like a Russian guy he
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didn't need to put a shirt on is just
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enjoying some row I really a I really do
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01:07:33
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feel like now I want to know more about
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what is the deal with that bed with 10
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eggs on it put em cracked eggs yeah it's
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just just got to say what happened
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01:07:44
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interesting gag to do on somebody asks a
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lot of time on this website i'm gonna
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have to look at that but now i want to
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know more about Badgers yeah i got it i
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think i think this isn't that the reason
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I want to know more about this
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01:07:58
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oh the first thing that comes up of
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course is the Wisconsin Badgers which
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I'm guessing is a
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is the university of wisconsin football
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team but his the Gophers hot Minnesota
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the Minnesota football team is the gofer
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at the Golden Rose but i don't know i
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mean the Oregon team is the gooey ducks
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member and Fargo to see go first
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Minnesota Golden Gophers so
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oh they are there Badgers are in the
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01:08:26
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same family as auditors weasels
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Wolverines and polecat I see the
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wolverine IC Wilberforce resemblance
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weasels even two but otters i bet i
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think badges are tough they look pretty
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tough they do look tough
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I'm gonna start calling others see
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weasels
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Oh water Badgers why the hell aren't
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they already called see weasels missed
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opportunity
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you know like a sea lion doesn't look
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like a sea lion looks like a c-dawg
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c-dawg c-dawg
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yeah but I guess see dogs were already
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taken by pirates are haha haha oh wow
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there are a lot of different kinds of
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badgers and in America we have the
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American back and get the American
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badger who then there's the European
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Badger and then be Asian badge or
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European badger thinks he's fancy
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Japanese badger hog badger Burmese
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ferret badger job in Farah badger I you
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know there's a ferret badger do you
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think Farrah badger is something that
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like a Javanese goth would carry yeah i
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think it's the kind of thing Strunk and
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white would say eventually that needs to
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become a new word when you're
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hyphenating something like ferret badger
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like you're not really done yet
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this is not reached its final form this
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have to be called something other than a
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fair badger that's that's you know with
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01:09:41
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with all due respect I know we live in
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complicated times I think that's
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probably a little off-putting two
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ferrets and Badgers you a pic aside
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yeah right exactly but now i'm looking
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at a fair badger it actually looks like
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a perfect cross between a parent batter
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01:09:53
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my friend had a fair is a pet
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01:09:54
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I so I've been to people's out back when
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01:09:57
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I would buy drugs
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yeah always see a lot of ferrets from
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people that i didn't know this is buying
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us be clear this is not a mr. show bed
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but buying drugs in the nineties i bet
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you get a lot of people with exotic pets
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i did I don't see 30
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yeah exactly like that like that you
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know i mean how many other people have
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kissed a parent right that's just a pair
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but yeah you can you go to somebody's
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house you can adjust these online polls
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I told you about the time I was at a i
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01:10:24
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was at a guy's house and he had a
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rooster
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I love you I'd like to hear it again in
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his snake cage again restored snake h
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bought a little be bought a little
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chicken to feed his giant boa
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constrictor
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mhm and then the boa constrictor wasn't
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01:10:39
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hungry I guess we're not boa constrictor
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01:10:41
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was a Python some Burmese fair but the
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kind of squeeze it spray the prey turns
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purple and then they can eat it
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01:10:47
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yes it's a boa constructor who squeezes
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and squeezes a chicken
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01:10:52
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uh-huh and and it eats it but this snake
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his giant what i can only recall as
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01:10:58
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being a yellow a giant yellow Burmese
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01:11:01
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pythons ferret was in a huge the like
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enclosure in his living room and he
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01:11:09
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bought a chicken and he put it in there
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01:11:10
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for the thing to eat live study life got
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01:11:12
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to be alive because that excites the
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Python and that's what you want i'm
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excited but i really feel it like we
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have one of these in my seventh grade
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science class we should put rabbits in
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01:11:19
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there and i think it was it happens like
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once in like once a month
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agent it that often didn't get that off
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and that's why this situation got
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confusing for the for my drug dealer
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friend because of the day and the and my
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01:11:32
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friend looked like the lead singer of of
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01:11:39
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out know what was the band that did jump
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01:11:43
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no no how Spain yeah i think it was
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01:11:46
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little he looked like the same house of
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01:11:47
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pain but he had this nikki put the
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01:11:49
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chicken in there
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01:11:50
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the snake wasn't interested in the
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chicken lived in the cage with the snake
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long enough that it was revealed to not
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01:11:57
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be a chicken but in fact to be a rooster
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and then it grew until it was like not a
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01:12:04
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full-grown rooster but a teenager mr.
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01:12:05
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like its legs were it had foghorn
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01:12:07
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leghorn legs and which were I if I
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01:12:11
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recall correctly six inches tall like
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01:12:13
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this rooster now was two feet tall and
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01:12:17
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my my friend said i don't think the
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01:12:23
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snake can eat this now it's too big
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and I don't know what to do oh my gosh
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01:12:28
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did we're in the fullness of time did he
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01:12:31
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start feeding the rooster what the
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01:12:33
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rooster would enjoy eating
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01:12:34
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I think he was he had to keep feeding
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01:12:36
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the rooster isn't more converts from
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food to pet
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01:12:38
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well sure snake food to pet but he
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01:12:41
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didn't want a rooster and I can't think
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01:12:44
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of anybody that wants a rooster accept
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01:12:45
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my next-door neighbor who has that
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01:12:47
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freaking rooster out there that wakes me
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01:12:48
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up every morning it would not be a
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01:12:50
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typical nineties drug dealer pet a
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rooster
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01:12:53
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no although got to make my envelope but
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01:12:56
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you're going to see a lot of drug
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01:12:57
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dealers with the Sorry Sorry medicinal
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marijuana but there's tons of roosters
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in mcminnville if you oh well sure but
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those are those are good eating reeses
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or artisanal bespoke heritage and sure
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01:13:09
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there's two students to two sisters ok
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01:13:12
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anyway so he said I don't know what to
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01:13:14
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do with this rooster I don't want to
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01:13:16
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just turn it loose in the yard now be
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01:13:18
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cruel but i'm thinking that that's what
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01:13:20
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I have to do and of course in my state
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01:13:23
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at the time in my at the place I was in
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my life I didn't have very good judgment
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01:13:28
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and I said I'll take the rooster and so
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01:13:32
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he was like really and I said yeah I'll
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01:13:34
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take that rooster and so he was still at
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01:13:36
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the invoice for that he took one bag of
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01:13:39
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marijuana 1rooster he took the rooster
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01:13:42
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out of the cage but somehow I'd been
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01:13:46
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dropped off at his house
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01:13:48
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I was a long way from where I lived
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01:13:51
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which was at my house I was crashing at
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01:13:53
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a guy's house and so this guy i was
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01:13:56
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buying the pot and getting free roosters
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01:13:59
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from he had a white 72 el camino and he
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01:14:05
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said I'll give you a ride back to your
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01:14:07
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house if you take the rooster and I was
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01:14:08
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like taking the rooster so the rooster
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01:14:10
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and I got in the back of the open and we
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01:14:14
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drove me for people who don't remember
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01:14:15
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is a pickup truck like automobile it's
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01:14:18
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not a brat but I was but it was like you
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01:14:20
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would you would you describe it as a car
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01:14:22
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that happen to have a bed in the back
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01:14:24
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yeah it looks like a car but it but it
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01:14:25
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was a pickup truck it looked like a
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01:14:27
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Chevelle but it had a pickup and but he
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01:14:32
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lived across town so we had to get on
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01:14:34
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the freeway and so I'm sitting in the
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01:14:36
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back trying to keep a hold of this
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01:14:38
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rooster
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01:14:39
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and the rooster initially was very
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01:14:40
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suspicious of me but when he realized
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01:14:42
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that his life was in my hands it's not
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01:14:45
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like you're going to bond with him but
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01:14:46
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he stuck close to me because if he got
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01:14:48
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away from me he his little rooster claws
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01:14:51
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were not able to get gain purchase in
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01:14:54
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the metal back of the truck and so he
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01:14:57
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would just slide it would slide all the
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way to the back when the car went
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01:15:02
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accelerate and then when the car would
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01:15:03
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break he would slide all the way to the
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01:15:04
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front and I'm trying to get ahold of him
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01:15:06
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he's trying to get away from me at first
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01:15:09
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finally you know the rooster and I like
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01:15:11
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reach an accommodation we get across
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01:15:14
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I come into the house where I'm crashing
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01:15:17
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we're like five guys sitting around
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01:15:19
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watching friends and I'm like guess what
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01:15:23
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I got us a rooster the guy that is
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01:15:27
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renting the house the head head Brewster
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01:15:31
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in charge says I don't want a rooster in
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01:15:34
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my house
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01:15:35
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leave it on the well you know at first
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01:15:37
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everybody is like wow right and they're
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01:15:39
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all like petting the rooster and
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01:15:40
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interested in the rooster and I feel
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01:15:42
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like a hero because i also had weed but
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01:15:48
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then it becomes clear that the rooster
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01:15:51
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is not welcome and he says rooster
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01:15:55
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rooster can't stay and so I'm trying to
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01:15:58
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negotiate with him but I'm like okay
[TS]
01:16:00
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i'll put the rooster on the porch for a
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01:16:01
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minute while you and I talked about
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01:16:03
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what's going to happen to the wrist
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because i don't have to you know what
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there is to hear it well and also like I
[TS]
01:16:08
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don't have a place to go right so i need
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01:16:11
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to keep crashing at this house but I
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01:16:12
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don't want to be separated from my
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01:16:13
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rooster because by now i feel kind of
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01:16:16
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bonded machine named at this point I
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01:16:19
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don't think I'd names
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01:16:20
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yeah I might have called the tree Roger
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01:16:22
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okay um so I'm talking to my friend and
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01:16:26
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I'm like to leave the rooster in the
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01:16:27
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backyard he's like the backyard is my
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01:16:29
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hot-pepper garden
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01:16:31
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I don't want the rooster eating my hot
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01:16:32
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peppers so we talked about it for a
[TS]
01:16:36
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little while we did not reach any kind
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01:16:38
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of agreement and I go outside
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01:16:40
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roosters gone no soup
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01:16:43
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I said that
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01:16:44
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you said it i should search the whole
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01:16:48
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neighborhood can't find the rooster
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anywhere and uh this house was on the
[TS]
01:16:53
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border a little saigon and so we all
[TS]
01:16:57
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speculated that someone came along the
[TS]
01:17:00
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rooster escaped cruiser was walking down
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the street headed on its merry way
[TS]
01:17:04
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talk a walk thank you thinking that it
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01:17:08
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was like headed somewhere mr. town
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rooster town USA and then somebody
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01:17:13
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detective's job picking grapes that the
[TS]
01:17:15
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correct somebody who is thinking stew
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01:17:20
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rooster who sue sees him says unattended
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01:17:24
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rooster and I think it's like uber fruit
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01:17:29
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strips so and again presumably if you
[TS]
01:17:32
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know a student stir if you recognize to
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01:17:35
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restore when you see one who you're also
[TS]
01:17:38
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going to a know how to grab the students
[TS]
01:17:39
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threats if you can see the cheese purple
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01:17:43
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oh right well i have it cuber and so
[TS]
01:17:48
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they knew how to grab it and they knew
[TS]
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how to tell whether this rooster belong
[TS]
01:17:51
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to somebody they check it for tags and
[TS]
01:17:54
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and they're like rooster you come with
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01:17:57
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me and the rooster might have even
[TS]
01:17:58
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thought like this person knows how to
[TS]
01:17:59
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handle a rooster i'm headed i'm headed
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01:18:03
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to rooster rooster even going to mr.
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01:18:06
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yeah and then death raked up his leaves
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01:18:09
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uh-huh god you're pushing the rooster
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01:18:11
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uphill yeah and then right into the
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01:18:13
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stupid my god what can you compete with
[TS]
01:18:16
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that wrist right
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everything about that you can you
[TS]
01:18:20
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couldn't write that story up but from a
[TS]
01:18:22
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Rooster's point of view what a very very
[TS]
01:18:24
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confusing week you're not gonna fucking
[TS]
01:18:25
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believe what happened to me
[TS]
01:18:27
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somebody bought me for food which
[TS]
01:18:28
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apparently they think I am I think of
[TS]
01:18:30
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myself as a rooster i might be an
[TS]
01:18:31
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architect someday and they throw me in a
[TS]
01:18:33
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tank with a big-ass python python like
[TS]
01:18:36
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interested you know I start to grow
[TS]
01:18:38
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start to grow
[TS]
01:18:40
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I get to pick for the kid and he's a
[TS]
01:18:42
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part-time they realize that I'm a tough
[TS]
01:18:44
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guy they got to get rid of me before I
[TS]
01:18:45
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heard this Python they're gonna give me
[TS]
01:18:46
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this guy over here so we get a pickup
[TS]
01:18:49
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I'm a little baked beans are living in a
[TS]
01:18:51
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drug dealer sure you get covered mr.
[TS]
01:18:54
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contact time
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01:18:55
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yeah wow that's rough
[TS]
01:18:56
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gets in the car with it with a with a
[TS]
01:18:58
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with a bearded young guy
[TS]
01:19:00
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mhm who wants to kind of be as pal yeah
[TS]
01:19:02
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you know the bearded the young bearded
[TS]
01:19:04
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guy wants to interact with me
[TS]
01:19:06
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he's been adopted ya like hey hey pal
[TS]
01:19:10
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can i scratch under can i scratch your
[TS]
01:19:11
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back your neck from getting scratched
[TS]
01:19:13
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chicken scratch chicken
[TS]
01:19:14
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mhm when you when you go to scratch
[TS]
01:19:17
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chicken's neck you realize that chicken
[TS]
01:19:19
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is ninety-eight percent feathers
[TS]
01:19:21
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yeah that's like a cat now and all
[TS]
01:19:23
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that's in there underneath the feathers
[TS]
01:19:25
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because you're like I want to scratch
[TS]
01:19:26
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you and then you're like whoa I don't
[TS]
01:19:28
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want to scratch feathers I want to
[TS]
01:19:29
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scratch perchik special bird
[TS]
01:19:31
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yeah you get all the way in there and
[TS]
01:19:32
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you're like there's hardly anybody it's
[TS]
01:19:34
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like his neck as big as a crayon but
[TS]
01:19:37
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surrounded by feather
[TS]
01:19:38
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yeah I never thought about it from the
[TS]
01:19:42
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Roosters perspective but I was quite a
[TS]
01:19:45
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yeah oh never get better does it did you
[TS]
01:19:49
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know that well no it doesn't going to
[TS]
01:19:51
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end up going to end up in a in a plastic
[TS]
01:19:53
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bag made to look like a pumpkin on
[TS]
01:19:55
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death's lon
[TS]