Roderick on the Line

Ep. 208: "Coney Island Horniness"


00:00:00   warning this episode of Roderick the [TS]

00:00:02   wine contains spoilers for popular [TS]

00:00:04   holiday characters candid discussions of [TS]

00:00:06   never nudes and graphic depictions of [TS]

00:00:08   penises and snack food listener [TS]

00:00:10   discretion is advised this episode of [TS]

00:00:13   Roderick on the line is brought to you [TS]

00:00:14   in part by Casper Casper an online [TS]

00:00:17   retailer of premium mattresses that you [TS]

00:00:19   can get delivered to your door for a [TS]

00:00:21   fraction of the price that you pay in [TS]

00:00:22   stores to learn more visit Casper calm / [TS]

00:00:25   supertrain and I braintree code for easy [TS]

00:00:29   online payments to learn more and get [TS]

00:00:31   your first fifty thousand dollars in [TS]

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00:00:41   hello hi John [TS]

00:00:46   I'm Merlin how's it going super good [TS]

00:00:49   super good super duper good i'm just [TS]

00:00:52   reading about Dexys Midnight Runners and [TS]

00:00:56   eating my new special breakfast [TS]

00:01:00   life hack oh that's because you want to [TS]

00:01:03   share i love to hear about both what's [TS]

00:01:04   your breakfast it is again a cup hungry [TS]

00:01:09   are you are you down with aegon organic [TS]

00:01:11   up have you ever had an egg in a couple [TS]

00:01:13   I as a very innovative basket [TS]

00:01:18   uh I don't think i have I mean it's [TS]

00:01:20   sending a basket who ya talkin in the [TS]

00:01:23   basket picking out picking out dough [TS]

00:01:25   ready dog bite kicking out picking up [TS]

00:01:28   picking up the chicken out [TS]

00:01:29   uh no your something I've been the [TS]

00:01:32   girl-scout thing where you make it you [TS]

00:01:33   use a shot glass today Christmas Girl [TS]

00:01:37   Scouts love shot glasses difficult girls [TS]

00:01:39   got well you know what this is a Girl [TS]

00:01:40   Scout lifehack if you use I was shot [TS]

00:01:42   glass of egg into a beer maybe they [TS]

00:01:46   called the gentleman's mimosa no [TS]

00:01:49   mayonnaise on the side know you I've [TS]

00:01:51   done a thing where you are oh I have a [TS]

00:01:53   whole method for this the garden have [TS]

00:01:54   time for but i don't think we knock out [TS]

00:01:56   some bread usually tell us to present [TS]

00:02:00   you make an egg in the middle of that [TS]

00:02:01   all your talk about toad-in-the-hole [TS]

00:02:02   total yes it's a show in the whole [TS]

00:02:09   regular basket or old gentleman's mimosa [TS]

00:02:12   uh ya know in a cup is totally different [TS]

00:02:18   i want to guess [TS]

00:02:19   alright go now I'll never get AAA get a [TS]

00:02:22   cup is see the thing is that to me that [TS]

00:02:24   feels like something a go-go yuppie in [TS]

00:02:27   the eighties would do [TS]

00:02:28   that's right with it involves like [TS]

00:02:30   poaching in a coffee cup in the [TS]

00:02:33   microwave you here right on it looks [TS]

00:02:36   like the music up here's what you do [TS]

00:02:39   oh my god this is about technology is [TS]

00:02:41   you here there it is and that's gonna [TS]

00:02:42   blow its gonna blow your mind it's gonna [TS]

00:02:44   blow everybody's mind moved everything [TS]

00:02:45   important out of the way you know what [TS]

00:02:47   I'm gonna I am after today I'm gonna get [TS]

00:02:50   convicted of being a serial killer cause [TS]

00:02:52   I money because of all the blood much [TS]

00:02:54   I'm gonna blow so many minds right now [TS]

00:02:56   that there's a trail of death across the [TS]

00:02:58   they will know me by my trail of death I [TS]

00:03:03   take an egg drop it in a coffee cup you [TS]

00:03:07   put a fork in an 80gb I'm sorry to [TS]

00:03:10   interrupt ed crack the egg [TS]

00:03:11   yes you do yes you do you crack the egg [TS]

00:03:14   into a thought these things are [TS]

00:03:15   important you gotta you gotta pick out [TS]

00:03:17   all the little uh Michelle parts because [TS]

00:03:19   you don't know how to crack an egg yeah [TS]

00:03:21   and then you you you stir it once with a [TS]

00:03:26   fork just quick just to like break the [TS]

00:03:29   yolk just break the yolk and just kind [TS]

00:03:31   of like Egyptian or just like a not not [TS]

00:03:33   three ships to jip jip jip set [TS]

00:03:37   definitely not scrambled in the [TS]

00:03:38   conventional sense hope you do most of [TS]

00:03:40   the egg is still intact as an egg you [TS]

00:03:42   just kind of break it a little in the [TS]

00:03:44   microwave for 30 seconds [TS]

00:03:46   oh my goodness you pull it out you go [TS]

00:03:50   now [TS]

00:03:51   jip jip jip three ships with a fork who [TS]

00:03:54   just just kind of scraping it off of the [TS]

00:03:57   sides and the bottom of the cup it's [TS]

00:03:59   still going to be a kind of a mirror [TS]

00:04:01   that said that's not so much for the for [TS]

00:04:03   the it's it makes it easier to enjoy [TS]

00:04:05   your just kind of sluicing it are your [TS]

00:04:07   carving it off the sides of your coffee [TS]

00:04:09   cup just getting off the off the sides [TS]

00:04:11   and you're just kind of giving it a [TS]

00:04:12   couple more stirs who 20 more seconds in [TS]

00:04:16   the microwave and my god bless that I [TS]

00:04:20   mean even taking into account the ship's [TS]

00:04:23   it's a minute [TS]

00:04:24   it's a flat minute and then perfect [TS]

00:04:27   silence they don't know where to begin [TS]

00:04:30   scrambly egg this changes so many things [TS]

00:04:33   for one thing I got tell you this is I [TS]

00:04:36   have the have the basic office cooking [TS]

00:04:39   set up which means i have the second [TS]

00:04:41   cheapest microwave from target and I [TS]

00:04:43   have the cot costco door refrigerator [TS]

00:04:45   that everybody has I've seen I've seen [TS]

00:04:48   your son have cast of the microwave is [TS]

00:04:51   almost certainly not dangerous know [TS]

00:04:55   right it's like probably eighty-four [TS]

00:04:59   percent certain that it's not irritating [TS]

00:05:03   right and I keep keep the door closed [TS]

00:05:06   you know what I'm not using it but this [TS]

00:05:09   would be for me this is not locate so do [TS]

00:05:12   you put in any kind of fixings do you do [TS]

00:05:15   video mixing i have i have you you know [TS]

00:05:18   a couple of little bit of cheddar [TS]

00:05:20   um I got a little bit of salt pepper a [TS]

00:05:22   little power with the salt-and-pepper oh [TS]

00:05:24   and if you put two eggs in a coffee cup [TS]

00:05:27   you're pushing your luck huh [TS]

00:05:29   but if you put two eggs and like a [TS]

00:05:31   slightly larger like say for instance of [TS]

00:05:33   beer stein then you know it's a mug that [TS]

00:05:39   makes like a meal it's a he seemed like [TS]

00:05:43   you could literally just drop a cracked [TS]

00:05:45   egg in there but i'm thinking also if [TS]

00:05:47   you put in some thinly-sliced like [TS]

00:05:50   shaved butter you were some serious [TS]

00:05:54   poaching on or like thinly sliced [TS]

00:05:57   prosciutto ham my goodness because cup [TS]

00:06:01   that would cook so fast cow and you [TS]

00:06:03   you've gotta pierce it because if you [TS]

00:06:05   don't the single explode [TS]

00:06:07   yeah sure what you what you doing the [TS]

00:06:08   whole time is is you know you're [TS]

00:06:10   managing the amount of time in there you [TS]

00:06:13   want to cook it without having the whole [TS]

00:06:15   thing explode [TS]

00:06:16   you gotta count for physics gotta come [TS]

00:06:18   from physics and science and as we know [TS]

00:06:20   sciences love love his music that's [TS]

00:06:24   record that's right so you [TS]

00:06:28   yeah you get 30 seconds just don't push [TS]

00:06:30   it okay and then a couple more ships [TS]

00:06:33   maybe that's when you add the cheese and [TS]

00:06:36   the prosciutto and then 20 more seconds [TS]

00:06:40   and that's all you need that's all you [TS]

00:06:41   want that so many good life hacks but i [TS]

00:06:43   gotta tell you i am i'm so gonna try [TS]

00:06:45   this [TS]

00:06:46   I'm trying to eat less bread and less [TS]

00:06:48   sugar i continue to struggle with that [TS]

00:06:50   because every convenience food in the [TS]

00:06:52   world mostly involves branch i'm not i [TS]

00:06:56   mean i'm not i don't it's not that I [TS]

00:06:57   won't eat bread and sugar I just don't [TS]

00:06:59   want it all the time it's about [TS]

00:07:01   something it's not all the time food and [TS]

00:07:03   then well but yeah and it's yeah John's [TS]

00:07:06   pyramid [TS]

00:07:07   yeah right but you uh you know the thing [TS]

00:07:09   is my problem is I forget to eat [TS]

00:07:11   I've had this for years and it's totally [TS]

00:07:14   at odds with my family who are snackers [TS]

00:07:16   sir [TS]

00:07:16   snackers I mean to eat dinner like a [TS]

00:07:18   snack and I'm like I'm like I'm like a [TS]

00:07:20   dad in the 52nd like I want to sit there [TS]

00:07:22   with the TV train have my Swanson's and [TS]

00:07:24   like you know [TS]

00:07:25   yeah yeah so for helping the green but [TS]

00:07:27   but i want to have stuff around that I [TS]

00:07:29   can eat quickly that isn't total junk [TS]

00:07:31   and eggs are eggs have been good to me [TS]

00:07:34   John [TS]

00:07:34   mm here's another thing about eggs the [TS]

00:07:37   people of our generation don't know I [TS]

00:07:40   ready yeah yeah legs do not need to be [TS]

00:07:43   refrigerated [TS]

00:07:44   but you can leave legs out on the [TS]

00:07:48   counter right all right all right all [TS]

00:07:50   right you could leave eggs out on the [TS]

00:07:51   counter [TS]

00:07:52   I i will take a certain amount of your [TS]

00:07:54   your unconventional outsider wisdom [TS]

00:07:57   about things because it does help a lot [TS]

00:07:58   of people as you see here today you're [TS]

00:08:00   telling you do not need to refrigerate [TS]

00:08:01   an egg [TS]

00:08:02   I'm saying that I mean I'm not saying [TS]

00:08:04   leave your eggs out on the counter for a [TS]

00:08:06   month [TS]

00:08:07   it's not like you live in Florida right [TS]

00:08:09   but you can put a basket of eggs on the [TS]

00:08:11   counter for a lot longer than you can [TS]

00:08:15   put up more than a day or a lot longer [TS]

00:08:17   you put container of cream on the [TS]

00:08:19   counter and the eggs are just fun [TS]

00:08:22   they're just fine where do you stand up [TS]

00:08:25   butter you leave butter out i do leave [TS]

00:08:29   you leave butter out on the counter [TS]

00:08:31   I leave it out on the counter covered in [TS]

00:08:34   a little butter dish on hot days when I [TS]

00:08:38   looked down in the butter is clearly [TS]

00:08:39   softening i'll put it in the fridge to [TS]

00:08:43   like put it back together my mom is of [TS]

00:08:46   the my mom has a strong feeling about [TS]

00:08:49   rancid honest [TS]

00:08:51   yeah I'm friend my friend dr. Don is [TS]

00:08:54   always I advising me on these things [TS]

00:08:56   because there's differences you get [TS]

00:08:57   spoilage you can get like there's a [TS]

00:09:00   difference there's different things that [TS]

00:09:01   happened to food is there isn't one way [TS]

00:09:03   that food can go bad there's a variety [TS]

00:09:04   of different ways and fat all fat based [TS]

00:09:08   foods will get rancid which affects the [TS]

00:09:13   taste of them huh [TS]

00:09:15   but not necessarily the edibility you [TS]

00:09:17   can eat rancid butter [TS]

00:09:19   yeah it's a bad word it's a bad punk [TS]

00:09:22   band you if i remember correctly done [TS]

00:09:24   you've enjoyed living on this particular [TS]

00:09:25   edge for a long time you your fella who [TS]

00:09:28   will see some leftover spaghetti and can [TS]

00:09:30   and just gonna go out it i feel like the [TS]

00:09:33   I feel like the the the bleeding edge of [TS]

00:09:36   spoiled food is a place that I'm you [TS]

00:09:40   know i am the chuck yeager of the sound [TS]

00:09:45   barrier of eating almost spoiled food if [TS]

00:09:49   you're out there you get the training at [TS]

00:09:51   the helmet I can see the curvature of [TS]

00:09:53   the earth [TS]

00:09:54   uh-huh I can you know I all I can hear [TS]

00:09:56   is the sound of my own breath in my [TS]

00:09:57   helmet and I more than the thing is my [TS]

00:10:01   you know my mom has this like farm gal [TS]

00:10:06   wisdom about things that's obviously now [TS]

00:10:10   transmuted through 50 years of 60 years [TS]

00:10:15   of city life right like if you were to [TS]

00:10:18   give my mom a live chicken and let's say [TS]

00:10:23   thank you for all and you could give her [TS]

00:10:26   a wallet that through ever mention why [TS]

00:10:27   still carry it but if you invent for the [TS]

00:10:30   sake of argument you gave this cyclist [TS]

00:10:32   in which country gal you get this you [TS]

00:10:34   get this gal I've chicken if you give [TS]

00:10:35   her a live chicken in a plastic fork and [TS]

00:10:38   you say we're hungry [TS]

00:10:40   would my mom yes she would be able to [TS]

00:10:45   turn that chicken into a food food [TS]

00:10:49   quality chicken it wouldn't be pretty [TS]

00:10:51   uh-huh but she has she has she has [TS]

00:10:55   knowledge at every step and she has a [TS]

00:10:59   lack of queasiness and a lack of [TS]

00:11:03   sentimentality both things is perfectly [TS]

00:11:05   suited to a live chicken so you know [TS]

00:11:07   she's seen she's seen she's seen her [TS]

00:11:12   grandfather killer killer chicken by [TS]

00:11:14   swinging it around by its head seemed a [TS]

00:11:18   fish it [TS]

00:11:19   she's seemed so see it keeps in the old [TS]

00:11:23   days apparently uh you know you have [TS]

00:11:27   this image of like granddad with a [TS]

00:11:28   hatchet on a stump out in the yard [TS]

00:11:31   uh-huh and you put the chicken on the [TS]

00:11:33   wii u know you pull the chicken's neck [TS]

00:11:35   across the stump and you whack it with [TS]

00:11:37   the hatchet and then you you know and [TS]

00:11:40   then [TS]

00:11:40   supposedly right at chicken run around [TS]

00:11:44   her blood spurting out this is all old [TS]

00:11:46   world forum imagery that for me that [TS]

00:11:48   totally rings true [TS]

00:11:49   yeah here's the chicken years the [TS]

00:11:50   headless chicken running around in the [TS]

00:11:52   yard all the kids screaming because it's [TS]

00:11:54   like it's like turning the training the [TS]

00:11:57   sprinkler on except it's chicken blood [TS]

00:11:59   check the sprinkler this is how farm [TS]

00:12:02   people live [TS]

00:12:03   yes but according to do any different [TS]

00:12:05   yeah well you know what do you do you [TS]

00:12:07   want chicken ya gonna have to make [TS]

00:12:09   sprinkler one of the amazing things that [TS]

00:12:11   my mom has told me is that they can't [TS]

00:12:13   chickens which is to say look like put [TS]

00:12:16   them up as they say they blew the whole [TS]

00:12:18   chicken into a jar [TS]

00:12:19   yeah and then candidate in this in the [TS]

00:12:22   old-style boil it and then stick a lid [TS]

00:12:24   on it like a man not a bell jar but I [TS]

00:12:26   like him not me [TS]

00:12:26   mason jar containing a canning jar belt [TS]

00:12:28   it was called you know damn well yeah [TS]

00:12:30   but not the Belgium but no not only [TS]

00:12:33   Sylvia Plath chicken [TS]

00:12:34   yeah we're not gonna bell jar about [TS]

00:12:35   we're gonna bell jar I wouldn't I [TS]

00:12:38   wouldn't leave so we applied to the [TS]

00:12:39   cooking and then you go into the base [TS]

00:12:41   get out of the kitchen and there's on [TS]

00:12:43   the wall in the in the larder are all [TS]

00:12:46   these canned whole chickens chickens in [TS]

00:12:48   a jar and uncooked well no cooked in the [TS]

00:12:52   sense that you have to cook it too [TS]

00:12:53   can I was sure good minutes then you [TS]

00:12:56   could put but you don't need to [TS]

00:12:59   you don't need to refrigerate them right [TS]

00:13:02   because they're pasteurized or something [TS]

00:13:04   some they're not pasteurized but look in [TS]

00:13:06   the canning process you have you have [TS]

00:13:09   eliminated that this might be a good [TS]

00:13:10   place to just mention in passing that as [TS]

00:13:14   much as John and I know about many many [TS]

00:13:15   things before before you go real deeply [TS]

00:13:18   into storing chicken in a warm room you [TS]

00:13:22   might want to do your own due diligence [TS]

00:13:23   on [TS]

00:13:24   yeah i'm going to assume that there were [TS]

00:13:25   storytellers work for people haha [TS]

00:13:28   there's a certain number of people [TS]

00:13:30   listening to this program will already [TS]

00:13:32   know all about the right now this down [TS]

00:13:33   okay so the chicken again getting put in [TS]

00:13:36   a jar [TS]

00:13:36   alright well are getting a lot i gotta [TS]

00:13:38   get larder so-so but she tells the story [TS]

00:13:41   of her grandfather and I don't [TS]

00:13:43   understand this I've never quite figured [TS]

00:13:44   out this is the type of question that [TS]

00:13:46   I'm so busy taking mental notes when my [TS]

00:13:49   mom is telling stories that they're [TS]

00:13:51   there [TS]

00:13:52   additional questions that I just don't [TS]

00:13:54   have time to ask because there's so much [TS]

00:13:56   hate there are so many other questions [TS]

00:13:58   working down but grandfather her [TS]

00:14:02   grandfather would take chickens in the [TS]

00:14:04   basement and chop their heads off and [TS]

00:14:07   play and so the chicken would run around [TS]

00:14:09   in the basement with the Bloods burning [TS]

00:14:11   and the kids all running like yeah well [TS]

00:14:15   this like headless zombie chicken is is [TS]

00:14:17   like spraying blood all over the room [TS]

00:14:20   and it's like why wouldn't you do in the [TS]

00:14:21   yard that is the question I didn't ask [TS]

00:14:24   because I was so stunned by this image [TS]

00:14:27   of like granddad killing changes my [TS]

00:14:32   great-grandfather killing chickens in [TS]

00:14:34   the basement and I'm you know in my mind [TS]

00:14:37   was like what is the it was probably not [TS]

00:14:39   like a rec room basement i'm guessing [TS]

00:14:41   it's not a finished basement with bumper [TS]

00:14:43   pool and Farrah Fawcett poster [TS]

00:14:44   no no the heart is open light and stuff [TS]

00:14:46   like that I think it's a classic [TS]

00:14:48   basement which is full of potatoes them [TS]

00:14:53   yes get anybody in America the club [TS]

00:14:55   classic basement it's going to do with a [TS]

00:14:58   nap I'll are they on shelves are the [TS]

00:15:00   organized in any way I think that there [TS]

00:15:02   was there's like a giant bin full of [TS]

00:15:05   root vegetables okay you get a nap in [TS]

00:15:07   there's maybe a hopper there's were [TS]

00:15:09   probably of way in which the coal man [TS]

00:15:12   can deliver Cole through an outside door [TS]

00:15:15   and similarly and call the potato man [TS]

00:15:17   well you're the potato man right in this [TS]

00:15:22   situation you and I would be potato man [TS]

00:15:24   but the coal man comes and there's a [TS]

00:15:26   little door he opens on the side of the [TS]

00:15:28   house and and cold goes down the coal [TS]

00:15:30   chute [TS]

00:15:31   ok into the cold up here upstairs and [TS]

00:15:34   you're busy cooking channel chicken [TS]

00:15:36   image are you don't have to be disturbed [TS]

00:15:38   you to call man [TS]

00:15:39   yeah that's right here the cold coming [TS]

00:15:41   down the coal chute he's got he's got [TS]

00:15:42   he's got like I got a whole truck [TS]

00:15:43   probably are cool card or a cold Lori [TS]

00:15:45   yeah i think it's probably cold truck by [TS]

00:15:47   this point [TS]

00:15:48   ok and then you've got shelves which are [TS]

00:15:53   full of jars with chickens and [TS]

00:15:57   what other what you you are put up [TS]

00:16:00   applause pleasant people put up some [TS]

00:16:02   vegetables put a lot of trips [TS]

00:16:04   well because all of your fruits and [TS]

00:16:05   vegetables they uh they arrived on the [TS]

00:16:08   scene when they are ripe and then [TS]

00:16:10   immediately began writing and you have [TS]

00:16:13   no there's no grocery where these things [TS]

00:16:16   are available all year round ship to you [TS]

00:16:18   from Chile and so you as soon as things [TS]

00:16:21   are ripe you immediately get this [TS]

00:16:23   assembly line process where you are [TS]

00:16:25   putting them in jars so that you can eat [TS]

00:16:28   them so you can survive the winter [TS]

00:16:30   ok and this is you know this is post [TS]

00:16:32   modern society for me to talk about the [TS]

00:16:34   forties here [TS]

00:16:35   yeah but you know all around the world [TS]

00:16:38   people still still doing this because [TS]

00:16:42   the winter is the hard time and there's [TS]

00:16:45   no supermarket right so she talks about [TS]

00:16:48   all this stuff and she and she has a [TS]

00:16:50   very low opinion of the sort of [TS]

00:16:52   back-to-the-landers she had a low [TS]

00:16:54   opinion of the back-to-the-landers in [TS]

00:16:55   the sixties who were like hippies [TS]

00:16:57   they're like we're going back to the [TS]

00:16:58   line foxfire people but she says she has [TS]

00:17:01   no higher regard for say an artisanal [TS]

00:17:03   pickles store but that stuff like the [TS]

00:17:06   twirly moustache stuff [TS]

00:17:08   yeah her feeling about it is do you know [TS]

00:17:10   how hard that is [TS]

00:17:11   you really have no sense of how hard [TS]

00:17:13   that is no one does that because it's [TS]

00:17:15   cute [TS]

00:17:16   maybe like selling at the dolls made out [TS]

00:17:17   of corn stalks that's not funny i think [TS]

00:17:19   that's funny to get you well people are [TS]

00:17:22   doing it i just opened Sunset magazine [TS]

00:17:23   the other day and they were like ugly [TS]

00:17:25   corns to call home for sale they're only [TS]

00:17:27   $425 but I but yeah she's like you know [TS]

00:17:31   I mean it's cute it's great to have like [TS]

00:17:33   six chickens and go out and and get eggs [TS]

00:17:35   from them like that's just adorable but [TS]

00:17:38   if you are really trying to live off of [TS]

00:17:40   those chickens your life becomes a like [TS]

00:17:44   a Hobbesian hellscape very fast [TS]

00:17:46   uh-huh and then you've got headless [TS]

00:17:48   chickens running around in your basement [TS]

00:17:49   and the kids are laughing with glee [TS]

00:17:52   because it's the only exciting thing [TS]

00:17:54   that's happened in weeks [TS]

00:17:56   so outside no she you know she talked [TS]

00:18:00   about like we would take the wet sheets [TS]

00:18:03   out and hang them in the in the winter [TS]

00:18:06   we would hang them on the on the [TS]

00:18:08   clotheslines the sopping wet sheets [TS]

00:18:10   because there's no better way to dry [TS]

00:18:13   them and then you'd go out after a while [TS]

00:18:16   with a with my co a tennis racket type [TS]

00:18:18   of whisker whipper if i can afford [TS]

00:18:21   tension there's a laundry racket laundry [TS]

00:18:24   racket that's right yeah but yeah they [TS]

00:18:26   it's not that they couldn't afford a [TS]

00:18:27   tennis racket but they wouldn't there's [TS]

00:18:29   no it's not like they're running tennis [TS]

00:18:30   courts and then word Ohio probably in [TS]

00:18:33   1940 and then so they go and they beat [TS]

00:18:35   the sheets and the ice would break off [TS]

00:18:38   and that was how you drive [TS]

00:18:41   that's how you drive your laundry [TS]

00:18:42   humidity solo when it's that cold [TS]

00:18:44   yeah you let the ice freeze and then you [TS]

00:18:46   break the ice off of it and you know wha [TS]

00:18:48   huh [TS]

00:18:50   anyway I didn't mean to I didn't mean to [TS]

00:18:52   go so far so fast into farm life [TS]

00:18:56   no no I think you and I know so much [TS]

00:18:58   about as we do about microwaving eggs [TS]

00:19:00   and coffee cups but yea different you [TS]

00:19:04   know [TS]

00:19:04   also all by way of saying and butter [TS]

00:19:08   eggs eggs eggs and butter [TS]

00:19:11   you left him out on the counter and he [TS]

00:19:13   left a big pot of like lard on the stove [TS]

00:19:17   whenever you needed to cook an egg you [TS]

00:19:20   just you didn't use butter huh [TS]

00:19:23   dip the spoon in the large pot and fry [TS]

00:19:26   the egg in lard and I think that's [TS]

00:19:29   something that's been lost we're not [TS]

00:19:30   even we don't even know what eggs taste [TS]

00:19:32   like we're not even living because I've [TS]

00:19:35   had I've had eggs and sometimes in fancy [TS]

00:19:39   artisanal places but especially in New [TS]

00:19:43   Zealand in canadia man they know from [TS]

00:19:46   makes you realize the eggs we get here [TS]

00:19:48   seem really kind of light yellow now [TS]

00:19:52   when you get a nice like a dark orange [TS]

00:19:54   egg look at those like a different egg [TS]

00:19:56   mmm mmm those new zealand eggs famous [TS]

00:20:00   well they also got incredible bacon [TS]

00:20:03   there i mean the bacon is like a TV on [TS]

00:20:04   Irish bacon it's amazing it's it's like [TS]

00:20:07   a little big inhale [TS]

00:20:08   Hamish bacon steak no Hamish bacon I [TS]

00:20:11   loved his books he was great with a lost [TS]

00:20:13   aztec camera right Hamish bacon know [TS]

00:20:15   that was his father ok so mr. don't get [TS]

00:20:18   me started thinking is my father [TS]

00:20:20   actually actually actually it's a bacon [TS]

00:20:25   scenes monster [TS]

00:20:26   mm uh now i know the Canadians have 40 [TS]

00:20:29   different kinds of bacon is that right [TS]

00:20:31   yeah four different kinds of bacon [TS]

00:20:33   they don't call a Canadian bacon [TS]

00:20:35   obviously just like that silly host [TS]

00:20:38   today did call them UK Wham [TS]

00:20:41   yeah in England they do know what about [TS]

00:20:44   Charlotte Charlotte into a one time I [TS]

00:20:46   think they were legally required to be [TS]

00:20:47   charlatans UK that's right and don't [TS]

00:20:50   know what about dinosaur jr. is that [TS]

00:20:51   legal illegal they were originally there [TS]

00:20:53   was some like old band called dinosaur [TS]

00:20:55   and so they had to call themselves [TS]

00:20:56   Dinosaur Jr I think with no period [TS]

00:20:59   yeah I think dinosaur if i recall was [TS]

00:21:02   like one of those German bands like can [TS]

00:21:05   or com film festival [TS]

00:21:08   yeah where they you know it was like [TS]

00:21:10   rockets but we pop and one your party [TS]

00:21:12   resisted the balloon guitar [TS]

00:21:16   yeah yeah I thought it was like a good [TS]

00:21:19   old hippie band but in any case they [TS]

00:21:20   were doing [TS]

00:21:21   that's what the hippies were really [TS]

00:21:22   doing the hippies were really doing [TS]

00:21:24   krautrock yeah absolutely not [TS]

00:21:27   ninety-nine percent of all hippies were [TS]

00:21:29   actually doing crowd didn't know it John [TS]

00:21:31   it's pre pre crowd so you're saying this [TS]

00:21:34   is that it's like guys like calculus [TS]

00:21:36   like we are just kind of discovered in [TS]

00:21:37   are we all we all got the motor sound if [TS]

00:21:40   you're living in like West Virginia you [TS]

00:21:42   might find yourself playing Crockett not [TS]

00:21:43   know it might find yourself living in a [TS]

00:21:45   shotgun Shack who um cheap humans do is [TS]

00:21:49   annoy sure they're pretty spectacular [TS]

00:21:53   never listened to I'd ensues grounds it [TS]

00:21:55   was on salad yeah I mean I 5 i'm aware [TS]

00:21:57   of them but I was see I don't it's weird [TS]

00:22:00   it's like to me like like say for [TS]

00:22:02   example kraftwerk is the kraut rock as [TS]

00:22:05   nirvana is to grunge where it's one of [TS]

00:22:07   those things where i go from you really [TS]

00:22:08   think of that like feels into enough [TS]

00:22:10   krautrock a craft work doesn't really [TS]

00:22:12   seem like rock band I think noi and and [TS]

00:22:15   can are more like lastly what i would [TS]

00:22:17   consider a crock man yeah i think what [TS]

00:22:19   you man I don't mean to paraphrase you [TS]

00:22:21   or [TS]

00:22:22   to correct you not at all lord knows but [TS]

00:22:24   a craft work is to krautrock as nirvana [TS]

00:22:28   is too Punk because Nirvana basically [TS]

00:22:30   defined groans which didn't exist before [TS]

00:22:33   i took the acct I never took the SATs so [TS]

00:22:35   I'm not very good at these things i feel [TS]

00:22:38   like i've always thought I said to you [TS]

00:22:39   for years now the thing is like it [TS]

00:22:41   wasn't even with all this time behind at [TS]

00:22:43   the time [TS]

00:22:44   Nirvana sounded nothing to me like the [TS]

00:22:46   canonical we talked to so many fucking [TS]

00:22:48   times [TS]

00:22:49   Nirvanix at the time did not sound to me [TS]

00:22:50   like other things that were considered [TS]

00:22:52   grunge when it you know i mean even now [TS]

00:22:54   you back and listen you're like there's [TS]

00:22:56   some stuff like the bleach era stuff we [TS]

00:22:58   go yeah I can kind of see that but [TS]

00:22:59   they're closer to like a Mudhoney to me [TS]

00:23:01   dance like closer than they are like a [TS]

00:23:03   pearl jam but this is the thing google [TS]

00:23:06   the word grunge and we have talked about [TS]

00:23:08   this a lot yeah the word grunge was a [TS]

00:23:10   was a retroactive Appalachian so Nirvana [TS]

00:23:15   didn't sound like grunge but until [TS]

00:23:17   Nirvana there was no such thing as [TS]

00:23:19   crunch right i mean it's not like Mark [TS]

00:23:21   arm ever describe i mean he actually [TS]

00:23:23   coined the term but he did it [TS]

00:23:25   sarcastically [TS]

00:23:26   it's in some ways not totally dissimilar [TS]

00:23:28   from the beatles and the british [TS]

00:23:30   invasion because the British Invasion [TS]

00:23:32   bands don't sound that much like that [TS]

00:23:35   for the beatles except for the ones who [TS]

00:23:36   basically just sound like the Beatles [TS]

00:23:38   who don't mean like that you do you [TS]

00:23:40   consider the animals and the kinks let [TS]

00:23:42   me know animals in the kinks to me are [TS]

00:23:43   British Invasion bands but like Paul [TS]

00:23:45   Revere and the Raiders a great band [TS]

00:23:47   Rory storm in the hurt go storming the [TS]

00:23:49   Hurricanes 30 [TS]

00:23:51   well you know like what about die toten [TS]

00:23:55   hosen die toten hosen ah you know see I [TS]

00:23:57   think that that I'm gonna call that a [TS]

00:23:58   canary trap i think that might not be a [TS]

00:23:59   band i think you're testing me die toten [TS]

00:24:03   hosen huh actually meet saying that make [TS]

00:24:05   it real [TS]

00:24:06   it means the dead trousers ok for the [TS]

00:24:09   deadpan something i don't know you know [TS]

00:24:11   I don't know if germans call their pants [TS]

00:24:13   trousers they call him home yet pants [TS]

00:24:14   underwear chosen chosen this is that the [TS]

00:24:18   superclass of lower body which covers [TS]

00:24:21   yeah it's all hosen husband wasn't all [TS]

00:24:23   that but but die toten hosen literally [TS]

00:24:26   all the way down foo I toten hosen are [TS]

00:24:28   the tote toten hosen [TS]

00:24:31   are you not a professor doesn't mean [TS]

00:24:35   that apparently dead [TS]

00:24:37   oh ok and so a advanced advanced [TS]

00:24:42   placement the dead milkmen and I see [TS]

00:24:44   other too jokey name [TS]

00:24:45   yeah but about pans that's a very short [TS]

00:24:48   name is German things go well and i'm [TS]

00:24:50   not even sure like you know what what [TS]

00:24:51   constitutes a joke in german band names [TS]

00:24:54   I don't have not even sure what day [TS]

00:24:56   toten hosen are like am but they might [TS]

00:24:59   even still be a band [TS]

00:25:01   hi I'm it's like they're the Scorpions [TS]

00:25:04   of weird funky i'm from German hip-hop [TS]

00:25:12   maybe i'm not i don't know that much [TS]

00:25:13   about Daytona knows but I do know that I [TS]

00:25:15   bet you know more than most people [TS]

00:25:16   according to google translate die toten [TS]

00:25:19   hosen translates to the dead pants I'll [TS]

00:25:21   see you there is that means i have had a [TS]

00:25:24   Hungarian friend that was Barry into die [TS]

00:25:27   toten hosen ok and actually traveled [TS]

00:25:29   around with them but he was I don't [TS]

00:25:33   think that they have it like a Grateful [TS]

00:25:35   Dead vibe at all but they do have a [TS]

00:25:37   Grateful Dead component which is that [TS]

00:25:39   people travel around with them and sell [TS]

00:25:42   things in the parking lot at least my [TS]

00:25:44   friend did and what he sold in the [TS]

00:25:47   parking lot he had a friend my friend's [TS]

00:25:50   name was our pod which is a popular [TS]

00:25:53   Hungarian name him and his friend was [TS]

00:25:56   named Zoltan an interesting name is a [TS]

00:26:00   great name and Zoltan actually was a [TS]

00:26:03   Hungarian living in Romania and Zoltan [TS]

00:26:05   made magic tricks out of matchboxes that [TS]

00:26:11   he would sell it was like four kids [TS]

00:26:13   ready take an aftermarket a matchbox and [TS]

00:26:16   and and turn into a magic trick [TS]

00:26:18   yeah exactly like it's a matchbox and [TS]

00:26:21   then I think it's a thing where because [TS]

00:26:23   matchboxes still a big industry in [TS]

00:26:26   Romania and he would make a magic trick [TS]

00:26:31   out i think it's one of those things [TS]

00:26:32   where you put a quarter in one side and [TS]

00:26:34   then you'd close the matchbox and then [TS]

00:26:35   you'd push it out the other side and [TS]

00:26:37   like where the quarter go classic type [TS]

00:26:39   of like here and you'd sell that for a [TS]

00:26:41   couple of settings or what [TS]

00:26:44   over at the at the parking lot of the [TS]

00:26:46   die toten hosen show hmm [TS]

00:26:48   John word a soundtrack let me see if I [TS]

00:26:51   can get you hear that [TS]

00:26:52   ok velvet elvis dressing was out will ya [TS]

00:26:57   some dude who just have say that that [TS]

00:27:00   was a google translate lady [TS]

00:27:01   Oh South the trick double-quick at the [TS]

00:27:04   Daytona nosin but then our pod didn't do [TS]

00:27:08   magic tricks he made like little what am [TS]

00:27:12   I gonna say friendship bracelets know [TS]

00:27:13   because he he didn't believe in [TS]

00:27:15   friendship [TS]

00:27:16   ok something else something harder [TS]

00:27:18   darker haha oh ok it's like the opposite [TS]

00:27:23   of of a grand flu nor it's like you are [TS]

00:27:27   its people you just shouldn't be with [TS]

00:27:28   its Appetit balloon empty feeling [TS]

00:27:31   ah latifah loon the people haha so up [TS]

00:27:35   but we had friendship we believe in [TS]

00:27:37   friendship the three of us and I never [TS]

00:27:40   want to die toten hosen concert but i [TS]

00:27:42   did play many times with the little [TS]

00:27:45   contraptions that they built out of like [TS]

00:27:49   kind of found materials people who enjoy [TS]

00:27:51   die toten hosen they find themselves [TS]

00:27:54   thinking you know this is a good show [TS]

00:27:55   i'm having fun as always I a I enjoy [TS]

00:27:58   hearing this music I could use a key [TS]

00:27:59   matchbox magic trick [TS]

00:28:01   yeah you're coming into the show you're [TS]

00:28:03   going out of the show and you're like [TS]

00:28:04   sure what am I going to get my young [TS]

00:28:06   message something for the kids yeah but [TS]

00:28:10   i also i feel like maybe it was the [TS]

00:28:12   maybe they were selling those things we [TS]

00:28:14   had a pretty complicated relationship [TS]

00:28:16   and I did actually go to a couple of [TS]

00:28:18   European Ren Faires boy with with these [TS]

00:28:23   two and they set up a little card table [TS]

00:28:26   and we're selling their wares at the ren [TS]

00:28:29   faire so it was it was a thing that they [TS]

00:28:32   did kind of a circuit and while they [TS]

00:28:34   were selling their stuff i kinda just [TS]

00:28:37   like it wandering around the ren faire [TS]

00:28:39   it's not so much about whether it's [TS]

00:28:41   precisely suitable for the topic of a [TS]

00:28:44   given event it's more like how you are [TS]

00:28:47   able to sell things [TS]

00:28:48   yeah right like we have these things we [TS]

00:28:50   need money [TS]

00:28:51   we actually don't have these things we [TS]

00:28:54   are going to make these things in order [TS]

00:28:55   to make enough money to [TS]

00:28:57   go to the Daytona nose and shows little [TS]

00:29:01   came around to by Ramones themed [TS]

00:29:04   clothing items [TS]

00:29:05   ok which were also popular at least with [TS]

00:29:07   our pod as all tendon he wasn't into the [TS]

00:29:11   remotes the same ok ok anyway so yeah we [TS]

00:29:14   traveled together for a little while I [TS]

00:29:16   went to a couple of Ren Faires heard a [TS]

00:29:18   lot of stories about the you know the [TS]

00:29:21   like heavy metal parking lot [TS]

00:29:24   alternate life that they would lead but [TS]

00:29:27   I didn't have any first-hand experience [TS]

00:29:30   with it i did try to meet our pod [TS]

00:29:32   outside of Vienna one time for a [TS]

00:29:34   Metallica concert and when we arrived at [TS]

00:29:36   the site of the metallica concert there [TS]

00:29:39   was no one there giant empty field I was [TS]

00:29:42   coming from one direction he was coming [TS]

00:29:44   from the other we met at the appointed [TS]

00:29:47   time I said what the fuck i spent a lot [TS]

00:29:52   of time and effort getting to this field [TS]

00:29:53   there's no Metallica concert here and he [TS]

00:29:56   said it was cancelled like a month ago [TS]

00:29:59   oh no but neither one of us had any way [TS]

00:30:03   of contacting the other one he came [TS]

00:30:05   anyway [TS]

00:30:06   well but he didn't know either oh so [TS]

00:30:09   there was no way if one of us had known [TS]

00:30:11   we could contact the other but [TS]

00:30:12   apparently there was also no way to know [TS]

00:30:14   that this thing had been canceled [TS]

00:30:16   because we have this was pre cellphone [TS]

00:30:19   is a simple simple country ways so we [TS]

00:30:22   just were like you know riding our [TS]

00:30:24   little horse carts or whatever too this [TS]

00:30:25   field what you do instead the jam we [TS]

00:30:28   went to we went back to Vienna we hung [TS]

00:30:31   out a and there was a there was actually [TS]

00:30:34   a summer concert in vienna on one of the [TS]

00:30:40   little islands that are in the middle of [TS]

00:30:42   the sort of old Danube because you know [TS]

00:30:45   they channeled the Danube a long time [TS]

00:30:49   ago and made it into a giant sort of [TS]

00:30:52   super fast moving death canal [TS]

00:30:55   oh really yeah but you have a lot of [TS]

00:30:58   meetings to do something like that [TS]

00:31:00   well see the Austrians were really good [TS]

00:31:01   at that stuff they were tall hat mmm [TS]

00:31:03   very tall boots and they were like what [TS]

00:31:06   but you know the reason that Vienna is [TS]

00:31:08   where [TS]

00:31:09   is let me not just I don't want to just [TS]

00:31:12   go completely he was helping you get [TS]

00:31:13   some context because I don't you just [TS]

00:31:15   gotta I got nowhere with how the dangers [TS]

00:31:18   got rerouted i mentioned a lot of [TS]

00:31:19   meetings you get cultural significance [TS]

00:31:20   to get you can have to have some [TS]

00:31:22   geographers in right you get songs about [TS]

00:31:24   right right you got some-some probably [TS]

00:31:27   of volcanologist well so here's the [TS]

00:31:29   Danube okay i see it ok alright start it [TS]

00:31:32   starts up in Germany that's under comes [TS]

00:31:34   down okay and it gets to this sort of [TS]

00:31:37   plane where Vienna is now and it's sort [TS]

00:31:41   of the mountains are over here the other [TS]

00:31:43   mountains are over here but there's this [TS]

00:31:45   big wide flat plane and the Danube like [TS]

00:31:47   went spider doubt into a huge sort of [TS]

00:31:52   Delta but you know it's nowhere near its [TS]

00:31:55   headwaters nowhere near the mouth of it [TS]

00:31:57   so it's not a delta like you would like [TS]

00:32:00   the Mississippi Delta where the Blues [TS]

00:32:02   were formed right it's just a big [TS]

00:32:05   styling Klaus does blouse [TS]

00:32:08   it's a dozen ecp blouse a it's a it's [TS]

00:32:14   just an area where the river separates [TS]

00:32:17   out into a thousand little rivulets and [TS]

00:32:20   a big swampy morass yeah and so that's [TS]

00:32:24   no place for a guitar swampy morass well [TS]

00:32:26   known in that particular one [TS]

00:32:28   oh I see what you're saying so it's not [TS]

00:32:29   so there's no Viennese blues what kind [TS]

00:32:31   of others a Viennese blues then also [TS]

00:32:34   they don't have any black people there i [TS]

00:32:35   don't think a soccer tort is what the [TS]

00:32:38   big event Viennese blues soccer I see is [TS]

00:32:41   a Vietnamese no no I think at siena [TS]

00:32:43   calling me a call ok sit Germany up here [TS]

00:32:47   you got this guy over here [TS]

00:32:48   that's right though in the olden times [TS]

00:32:50   as you're traveling around the Danube [TS]

00:32:52   would be a very difficult river to get [TS]

00:32:54   across this very large river but here it [TS]

00:32:57   its it like spread out into this wide [TS]

00:33:01   swampy area and it enabled you to get [TS]

00:33:05   across it because i had to do was get [TS]

00:33:07   across this little river and then that [TS]

00:33:09   little river [TS]

00:33:10   so it was a it was a place that even [TS]

00:33:14   though it was a kind of swampy pestilent [TS]

00:33:16   place it was a spot that you could you [TS]

00:33:19   and your camp train could get across the [TS]

00:33:21   river so Vienna was situated there as a [TS]

00:33:26   sort of like this was a trading [TS]

00:33:27   crossroads and then as the Austrians [TS]

00:33:30   really gathered themselves into the [TS]

00:33:32   uniform wearing giant cement eagle [TS]

00:33:36   building Empire people of of much later [TS]

00:33:40   who they were like we did we no longer [TS]

00:33:42   want a pestilence swamp here and so they [TS]

00:33:46   channeled they channeled and channeled [TS]

00:33:48   and channel the Danube isn't this in [TS]

00:33:50   twentieth-century no prior to the 20th [TS]

00:33:52   century no kidding [TS]

00:33:54   they were doing this work a long channel [TS]

00:33:55   channel channel sounds like a lot of [TS]

00:33:57   work in that in the 19th century i might [TS]

00:33:59   it was it started even before that Kenny [TS]

00:34:02   yeah they were saying like let's get [TS]

00:34:04   this river into some kind of ship shape [TS]

00:34:07   and as a channel that of course the [TS]

00:34:10   river became deep and fast moving but [TS]

00:34:14   that wasn't their problem and then all [TS]

00:34:17   the little spidery Little rivers that [TS]

00:34:20   used to make up the Danube wide spot [TS]

00:34:23   became little ponds longfin pawns who [TS]

00:34:29   and on one of the islands in the middle [TS]

00:34:32   of one of those ponds are pot and I [TS]

00:34:34   happened upon wait for it [TS]

00:34:36   sheryl crow concert [TS]

00:34:39   yeah she was playing with a oh what what [TS]

00:34:50   why do I one is it is it a band or [TS]

00:34:52   artist did that we would know [TS]

00:34:53   yes it's joe cocker Congress opening for [TS]

00:34:57   sheryl crow know Joe Cocker and chokro [TS]

00:34:59   were somehow playing together everything [TS]

00:35:00   co-headlining I think Cheryl might have [TS]

00:35:03   been opening for Joe but they were [TS]

00:35:04   playing together okay here onstage at [TS]

00:35:07   the same time it was a great sound [TS]

00:35:08   unusual things just kind of run into it [TS]

00:35:11   was you and the only way that we've been [TS]

00:35:14   we were walking along and there was [TS]

00:35:16   music playing and you know that's like [TS]

00:35:17   austria in the summer people are out [TS]

00:35:20   nude sunbathing you [TS]

00:35:22   huh unicycling and all the things they [TS]

00:35:24   do that for many people love to walk [TS]

00:35:26   they are big big big walkers and nude [TS]

00:35:30   they like to walk nude [TS]

00:35:32   yeah they're nudes there you know if you [TS]

00:35:35   are you familiar with the concept of a [TS]

00:35:36   never-nude I just from a TV program [TS]

00:35:39   that's not a real thing that i sent ya [TS]

00:35:41   know you have never knew that's [TS]

00:35:44   different from Mormons from sorry [TS]

00:35:46   latter-day church Saints better day [TS]

00:35:47   Saints scientists different states same [TS]

00:35:50   same just yeah there are no no that's a [TS]

00:35:53   different thing they have special [TS]

00:35:54   underwear as we know you're not just [TS]

00:35:56   making it to spice folk a joke [TS]

00:35:58   no never nudes are kind of people I'm [TS]

00:36:03   sure there are some never news listening [TS]

00:36:04   to our program who just never want never [TS]

00:36:08   will ever let anyone else ever see them [TS]

00:36:10   nude never-nude ever announced never no [TS]

00:36:13   never no never no never needs yeah yeah [TS]

00:36:15   and but I mean they did their part of [TS]

00:36:16   the quiet quietly part of the the [TS]

00:36:18   lifestyle [TS]

00:36:19   yeah it's a thing where is it a [TS]

00:36:21   lifestyle John might be normative mmm I [TS]

00:36:23   don't think that this is the thing about [TS]

00:36:24   never nudes my senses that they do not [TS]

00:36:26   congregate oh so they're never knew [TS]

00:36:29   never knew then that solitude never [TS]

00:36:32   never need solitude never-nude solitude [TS]

00:36:34   I think that it is possible that you [TS]

00:36:35   could go on several dates with somebody [TS]

00:36:38   can come up and it would never come up [TS]

00:36:41   and then you're like you know what I [TS]

00:36:43   love you [TS]

00:36:44   if this is I'm talk about old times sure [TS]

00:36:46   you would say I love you to somebody [TS]

00:36:47   that you've never taking their clothes [TS]

00:36:49   off and they would say i love you too [TS]

00:36:52   and you would say let's get married and [TS]

00:36:53   they would say great you'd say I think [TS]

00:36:56   we should save ourselves for marriage [TS]

00:36:57   and they would say I agree and then you [TS]

00:36:59   would get married and then you would be [TS]

00:37:01   in your wedding bed and you would try to [TS]

00:37:02   take off their blouse or there or that [TS]

00:37:06   their knickers their hosen their hoes in [TS]

00:37:08   you would grab the hose and try and pull [TS]

00:37:11   them off and the other person would say [TS]

00:37:12   ah i do not take off the hose and we [TS]

00:37:15   need to have the talk and then you're [TS]

00:37:17   like whoa i just got I just like God [TS]

00:37:21   invested in the thing i didn't even know [TS]

00:37:22   what they thought about I never knew no [TS]

00:37:24   poke never needed that's right never [TS]

00:37:26   knew the polk huh [TS]

00:37:27   and so I don't know at that point I [TS]

00:37:29   don't know enough about never needs to [TS]

00:37:31   know like wow they do other things [TS]

00:37:35   poop like for example good and want [TS]

00:37:38   something classic examples like if you [TS]

00:37:40   find yourself very attracted to somebody [TS]

00:37:42   who had a very different diet than you [TS]

00:37:44   for example if you are ravenous [TS]

00:37:46   carnivore and you fall in love with a [TS]

00:37:48   man who's a vegan like that's going to [TS]

00:37:50   come up with in the first probably the [TS]

00:37:53   first date the first time you spend any [TS]

00:37:54   time together you're going to think oh [TS]

00:37:56   yeah well for example like i read an [TS]

00:37:58   article recently about how many [TS]

00:37:59   relationships are quietly troubled by [TS]

00:38:01   how much the people hate the TV shows [TS]

00:38:03   the other person watches me to hold the [TS]

00:38:06   whole classic like do I get the remote [TS]

00:38:07   thing but there's a lot apparently you [TS]

00:38:09   know I'm saying these are the kinds of [TS]

00:38:10   things that in today's society will come [TS]

00:38:12   up in this case you're saying and never [TS]

00:38:13   nude walk to the altar and then and then [TS]

00:38:16   later on in the next day or two if [TS]

00:38:18   there's a big reveal which is that there [TS]

00:38:20   won't be a reveal right so I think if [TS]

00:38:22   you are somebody who if you're somebody [TS]

00:38:25   who's like let's leave the lights off [TS]

00:38:26   when you're having you know special time [TS]

00:38:30   convivial relations especially again [TS]

00:38:32   olden times right that's that was [TS]

00:38:34   considered okay and normal [TS]

00:38:35   well but there weren't lights right the [TS]

00:38:37   Sun went down and it was time to do a [TS]

00:38:39   little thing and if the moonlight was [TS]

00:38:41   coming in the window [TS]

00:38:42   it's not like you're gonna light a [TS]

00:38:43   candle in order to in order to make [TS]

00:38:45   whoopee candles expensive cameras are [TS]

00:38:47   expensive [TS]

00:38:49   based on these two separate on fire [TS]

00:38:50   there's a kind of knowing i learned this [TS]

00:38:52   week is a kind of New England bird that [TS]

00:38:54   went extinct almost went instinct just [TS]

00:38:56   because the cheapest way you could like [TS]

00:38:58   basically tear that again with the head [TS]

00:38:59   tearing each other head out this thing [TS]

00:39:01   you put a we can set the house on fire [TS]

00:39:02   no good soil or whatever it was [TS]

00:39:04   equivalent again you know you should [TS]

00:39:06   check this out before you do it on your [TS]

00:39:07   own don't you go kill a bird and set on [TS]

00:39:08   fire but apparently yeah that's the [TS]

00:39:11   thing and it because just specifically [TS]

00:39:12   because candles were so expensive [TS]

00:39:14   would the goose remain on its feet we [TS]

00:39:17   can get along the ground like like like [TS]

00:39:19   a goose rumba [TS]

00:39:20   well I don't know if it would keep [TS]

00:39:21   walking but like let's let's picture a [TS]

00:39:23   goose tell you something I get what [TS]

00:39:25   you're saying if you get in the right [TS]

00:39:26   position before you tear the head off [TS]

00:39:28   you might have a nice table lamp yeah [TS]

00:39:29   like a litem wow it's like you know [TS]

00:39:32   taxidermy needs meat practical lighting [TS]

00:39:34   you know what I feel like three up and [TS]

00:39:36   three issues of Sunset magazine from now [TS]

00:39:37   we're going to see an artisanal goose [TS]

00:39:39   land [TS]

00:39:41   this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

00:39:44   brought to you in part by braintree code [TS]

00:39:47   for easy online payments you're looking [TS]

00:39:50   to set up payments for your business [TS]

00:39:51   braintree gives your app or website a [TS]

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00:39:55   every payment method with one very [TS]

00:39:57   simple integration is dropping some code [TS]

00:39:59   and you're good to go [TS]

00:40:00   Plus braintree will give you the first [TS]

00:40:02   fifty thousand dollars in transactions [TS]

00:40:04   fee-free you can learn more about this [TS]

00:40:06   right now we're going to braintree [TS]

00:40:07   payments calm / supertrain now here's [TS]

00:40:11   the thing maybe you're working on the [TS]

00:40:12   next super your maybe your part of the [TS]

00:40:14   app class and you want to make the next [TS]

00:40:16   debris the next Airbnb get hub will then [TS]

00:40:18   heck why not use the same simple payment [TS]

00:40:21   solution that help them to become what [TS]

00:40:24   they are today there's literally no [TS]

00:40:25   reason not to braintree makes mobile [TS]

00:40:28   payments so fast and easy and seamless [TS]

00:40:30   it is almost magical I think for legal [TS]

00:40:33   reasons they're not allowed to say [TS]

00:40:34   that's actually magical but but I can't [TS]

00:40:35   say I'm not a lawyer you had this thing [TS]

00:40:37   your appt with literally just a few [TS]

00:40:38   lines of code literally like that's the [TS]

00:40:40   fourth time I've said that and now [TS]

00:40:41   you're instantly ready to accept Apple [TS]

00:40:44   pay android pay paypal then mo credit [TS]

00:40:47   cards perhaps you've heard of them [TS]

00:40:48   mm even Bitcoin space dollars and if [TS]

00:40:52   some other way comes along you can bet [TS]

00:40:55   braintree will be there to support that [TS]

00:40:56   to bring treats fast payouts and [TS]

00:40:59   continuous support mean you'll always be [TS]

00:41:02   ready whether you're earning your first [TS]

00:41:03   dollar or you're billion-dollar you're [TS]

00:41:06   going to see fewer abandoned carts and [TS]

00:41:07   more sales with brain trees [TS]

00:41:08   best-in-class mobile checkout experience [TS]

00:41:10   to check this out for yourself which you [TS]

00:41:13   really should do and to get that first [TS]

00:41:14   fifty thousand dollars in transaction [TS]

00:41:16   fee free please is it [TS]

00:41:18   braintree payments dot-com / supertrain [TS]

00:41:21   braintree payments calm / supertrain our [TS]

00:41:23   thanks to braintree for taking the pain [TS]

00:41:26   out of online payments and for [TS]

00:41:28   supporting Roderick lost it may not be [TS]

00:41:31   made out of a real group just carve the [TS]

00:41:34   goose out of wax yes [TS]

00:41:36   ya know anyway so we where we know where [TS]

00:41:39   the sheryl crow concert in on the danube [TS]

00:41:42   well i'm wondering when you were first [TS]

00:41:45   beginning to know others typically in [TS]

00:41:50   there altogether in the biblical sense [TS]

00:41:52   were you and what were you in a dark [TS]

00:41:54   room [TS]

00:41:55   the this is awkward [TS]

00:41:59   dr. heard how dark was well okay i mean [TS]

00:42:02   i could think specifically of you know [TS]

00:42:05   what to say i'm gonna say in the [TS]

00:42:07   important first touches it was almost [TS]

00:42:10   always in a in a dark place not least [TS]

00:42:13   because there was not a place for you [TS]

00:42:16   know 14 year old kids 15 year old kids [TS]

00:42:18   to go to do these things so you have to [TS]

00:42:19   drink et al in the movie years [TS]

00:42:23   yeah so one of the first times I was [TS]

00:42:25   ever visited upon was during ET this [TS]

00:42:27   isn't a thing where you cut a hole in [TS]

00:42:28   the bottom of popcorn that's a whole [TS]

00:42:31   next level kind of thing up [TS]

00:42:33   I you know that that died gotta tell you [TS]

00:42:35   that feels like I I don't want the real [TS]

00:42:36   this that feels gonna admit to me that I [TS]

00:42:38   don't understand logistical e how you [TS]

00:42:40   pull that off with any butterly pull [TS]

00:42:43   well I mean setting aside the hot butter [TS]

00:42:47   like how do you get a hole in a possible [TS]

00:42:50   so don't set aside the hot butter the [TS]

00:42:51   hot butter is a key i like I mean just [TS]

00:42:53   the very the very mechanics of like [TS]

00:42:55   imagine doing literally anything in the [TS]

00:42:57   world with your dick out in a movie and [TS]

00:43:00   somebody not noticing it but also also [TS]

00:43:02   by the way I have to get a popcorn [TS]

00:43:03   container and put a hole in it that [TS]

00:43:05   seems that seems you know that seems to [TS]

00:43:07   me like the lady doth protest too much [TS]

00:43:09   that feels like one of those maybe that [TS]

00:43:10   just got just like fucking popcorn I [TS]

00:43:12   think anyone that woman to watch there's [TS]

00:43:14   probably a German name for that I almost [TS]

00:43:16   certainly there is i don't know the [TS]

00:43:18   germinating popcorn and pop cuckold i [TS]

00:43:21   think that there was there is a kind of [TS]

00:43:23   adolescent horniness [TS]

00:43:25   yes that you know we all have a very [TS]

00:43:28   different version of adolescent [TS]

00:43:30   horniness from extremely adolescent [TS]

00:43:32   horny too [TS]

00:43:33   not at all yeah let's be honest but [TS]

00:43:36   there's this sort of Philip wrong and i [TS]

00:43:38   have a neil simon play style of nineteen [TS]

00:43:42   forties adolescents Coney Island [TS]

00:43:46   horniness [TS]

00:43:47   oh yeah sure you know where you're just [TS]

00:43:49   trying to get there is no sec there's no [TS]

00:43:52   possibility of like sexual gratification [TS]

00:43:54   except by doing these like weird i mean [TS]

00:43:59   i think putting your yeah and for those [TS]

00:44:01   of us who were those of you listening [TS]

00:44:03   who aren't going forward talking about [TS]

00:44:05   isn't it has seen Porky's or something [TS]

00:44:07   like that where that [TS]

00:44:08   no where you cut a hole in the bottom of [TS]

00:44:09   your popcorn container and I can see it [TS]

00:44:11   happening you get into the theater [TS]

00:44:13   you're sitting next to your date got [TS]

00:44:15   pocketknife and suddenly ball he pulled [TS]

00:44:18   a knife in the movie but you've got the [TS]

00:44:20   popcorn sitting on your lap she's [TS]

00:44:22   watching the movie [TS]

00:44:23   this is your entire thing makes [TS]

00:44:24   absolutely no sense the idea is you [TS]

00:44:26   here's here's the thing here's the [TS]

00:44:27   problem statement you go to a movie with [TS]

00:44:29   the young lady and you wanted to touch [TS]

00:44:30   your dick so what you have to do well [TS]

00:44:32   obviously you have to trick her into [TS]

00:44:34   touching your dick so the notion is you [TS]

00:44:36   get like a gentleman you bring in a [TS]

00:44:39   boxes can be a bag it's going to be a [TS]

00:44:41   box of popcorn right also you know a tub [TS]

00:44:43   it's a tub [TS]

00:44:44   okay you're crashing top of topic or you [TS]

00:44:47   bought a tub of you on top of the movies [TS]

00:44:49   lately they are big enough it was done [TS]

00:44:52   ok ok let's get so let's just get [TS]

00:44:54   through this so because it's important [TS]

00:44:56   to understand what we're talking about [TS]

00:44:57   so the idea was number one you want a [TS]

00:44:59   lady to touch your dick and number two [TS]

00:45:01   he have to trick her into it you know [TS]

00:45:04   she's going to be thrilled to [TS]

00:45:05   accidentally touch your dick for a [TS]

00:45:06   little bit of a second [TS]

00:45:08   so what you do is you get your popcorn [TS]

00:45:09   container in this and we're not saying [TS]

00:45:11   this is a good or bad thing this is just [TS]

00:45:12   historical reporting yeah I child say [TS]

00:45:15   the same thing about like cutting the [TS]

00:45:17   chicken's head off in the basement [TS]

00:45:18   absolutely try this at home where [TS]

00:45:20   journalists and so the notion is you cut [TS]

00:45:22   a dick sized hole and remember you're [TS]

00:45:24   probably well your teen interesting [TS]

00:45:26   might be erect but I think it's [TS]

00:45:27   important to remember that you're [TS]

00:45:28   nervous while you're doing this you [TS]

00:45:30   might not be a wreck you might have a [TS]

00:45:31   little acorn of a man sitting there I [TS]

00:45:33   just people i think it really i think it [TS]

00:45:34   is predicated on the fact that you have [TS]

00:45:37   a enough teenage horny and I so many [TS]

00:45:39   problems with this that you are erect [TS]

00:45:40   all the time ok alright fine but take it [TS]

00:45:42   as read [TS]

00:45:43   alright let me continue your honor [TS]

00:45:45   because go let's talk about this let me [TS]

00:45:47   be the prosecuting attorney for looks in [TS]

00:45:49   popcorn let's just presume that even the [TS]

00:45:51   thought of doing your honor we was [TS]

00:45:53   excitedly we will stipulate that the [TS]

00:45:55   young man had an extremely erect penis [TS]

00:45:57   and we'll even assume for the sake of [TS]

00:45:58   argument it's just extremely erect small [TS]

00:46:03   in length and narrow in circumference [TS]

00:46:06   penis [TS]

00:46:06   I don't know how you can say that [TS]

00:46:08   because I want to make this easy on your [TS]

00:46:09   honor this game I could walk away from [TS]

00:46:11   this case i don't even III could do this [TS]

00:46:13   with one dick hot tied behind my back [TS]

00:46:14   I'm telling you your honor point of [TS]

00:46:16   order yes you there there are a lot of [TS]

00:46:18   different sizes of male members there's [TS]

00:46:21   a lot don't differ [TS]

00:46:21   Joe Katie as well as we're reporting [TS]

00:46:23   this how we can how we can speculate [TS]

00:46:25   i'll make this time I'll make this case [TS]

00:46:27   with any dick so you got your get your [TS]

00:46:29   tablet take it [TS]

00:46:30   let's say let's say you get a nice [TS]

00:46:31   relatively rigid but cuttable tub of [TS]

00:46:36   popcorn so what a dick shaped hole in it [TS]

00:46:39   could be any straight pool but this will [TS]

00:46:41   help but it's at least big enough to [TS]

00:46:43   accommodate a dick [TS]

00:46:44   that's right so you somehow manage let's [TS]

00:46:47   say let's say you should fly and you're [TS]

00:46:49   wearing haynes so you're somehow able to [TS]

00:46:51   get this giant dick of yours out of your [TS]

00:46:53   pants without anybody noticing is better [TS]

00:46:56   than erect penis is helping you along [TS]

00:46:58   the way [TS]

00:46:58   all right side if you only have to reach [TS]

00:47:00   in there and like find it so now trying [TS]

00:47:02   to get out you got a hard-on you got [TS]

00:47:04   some popcorn [TS]

00:47:05   you got a pen nice you've got a dickhole [TS]

00:47:07   and now you somehow are able to [TS]

00:47:09   manipulate your erect een penis into the [TS]

00:47:11   food [TS]

00:47:12   listen you are making this sound [TS]

00:47:13   difficult i could do this right now you [TS]

00:47:16   are you thought you could do it right [TS]

00:47:17   now I could pull a penknife off out if I [TS]

00:47:20   had a tub of popcorn [TS]

00:47:22   I could I could very subtly look we're [TS]

00:47:24   watching a movie right there is not your [TS]

00:47:26   honor point of personal preference i [TS]

00:47:28   know that John wears fancy internet [TS]

00:47:30   underwear that has silver threads in it [TS]

00:47:32   that do not accommodate a dickhole intro [TS]

00:47:34   it's true if you have to print way down [TS]

00:47:36   you're wearing Levi's five ones which [TS]

00:47:38   have buttons your honor [TS]

00:47:39   alright alright alright I mean it's not [TS]

00:47:41   but it's not like it's everyone your [TS]

00:47:43   honor i'm not saying this is never got [TS]

00:47:45   some part of the the thrill is the [TS]

00:47:47   effort [TS]

00:47:47   okay fair enough i stipulate the point [TS]

00:47:50   so anyway now you've managed to get your [TS]

00:47:52   dick into the popcorn dickhole right and [TS]

00:47:56   then you just wait you wait like a [TS]

00:47:58   panther behind a log and precisely the [TS]

00:48:00   same theory as a cigarette load okay you [TS]

00:48:03   know what is it going to show me what [TS]

00:48:05   you got to go getting you gotta do when [TS]

00:48:07   they're not there and then just be [TS]

00:48:08   patient [TS]

00:48:09   it might not be that cigarette might be [TS]

00:48:10   10 cigarettes from now that's right you [TS]

00:48:11   stick the cigarette load deep into the [TS]

00:48:14   cigarette purple hopefully you have a [TS]

00:48:16   paperclip or you emptied that the [TS]

00:48:18   tobacco out halfway down and you stick [TS]

00:48:20   this cigarette loading then you fill the [TS]

00:48:22   tobacco back up and then you put the [TS]

00:48:23   cigarette back in the victims back and [TS]

00:48:27   then you wait then you ate and sometimes [TS]

00:48:29   you wait in the waiting room is afoot [TS]

00:48:31   it was a foot and you have you have just [TS]

00:48:34   added [TS]

00:48:35   the extra wrinkle of not being able to [TS]

00:48:38   borrow a cigarette from this person and [TS]

00:48:40   also know you don't know which one it is [TS]

00:48:42   that's right so you can't say like can i [TS]

00:48:44   bum a smoke you've just eliminated one [TS]

00:48:46   of the people at the table from your [TS]

00:48:48   smoke borrowing racket and you're [TS]

00:48:51   waiting I'm just waiting for this person [TS]

00:48:53   to pull that cigarette out not notice [TS]

00:48:55   that it's been monkeyed with light it [TS]

00:48:57   and then smoked half of it before the [TS]

00:48:59   cigarette explodes hilariously so it's [TS]

00:49:02   the same like once the dick is in the [TS]

00:49:04   popcorn yeah you're waiting [TS]

00:49:07   the thrill is in the weight it's in [TS]

00:49:09   their weight but I i'm also going to get [TS]

00:49:11   there you're not eating popcorn anymore [TS]

00:49:14   well you're not gonna eat your own [TS]

00:49:15   corner yeah so now you get this this [TS]

00:49:17   poor woman who's there with you and [TS]

00:49:19   pretending to be interested in you to [TS]

00:49:20   begin with [TS]

00:49:21   she then says well maybe as a diversion [TS]

00:49:23   while we're enjoying the trailer for [TS]

00:49:24   this program I I'll have a little bit [TS]

00:49:26   popcorn and so she grabs and so how do [TS]

00:49:29   how do most teenage girls eat popcorn [TS]

00:49:31   little bit on you grab one or two maybe [TS]

00:49:33   you put 434 in your hand like a little [TS]

00:49:35   bowl so basically you've got half a cup [TS]

00:49:38   of popcorn out of this entire bucket [TS]

00:49:42   mm how long is it gonna take cuz you [TS]

00:49:45   have you ever like youryour what's your [TS]

00:49:46   fifteen-year-old girl on a date [TS]

00:49:48   are you gonna fucking dive your hand [TS]

00:49:50   into the shared bucket of popcorn i [TS]

00:49:53   agree that you're not and find a [TS]

00:49:54   glancing dick i agree that you're not i [TS]

00:49:56   think i think there are a lot of [TS]

00:49:57   problems with this case here it's gonna [TS]

00:49:59   take a long time but by the waiting is [TS]

00:50:01   the hardest part if you know what I mean [TS]

00:50:02   that's right and here is the thing [TS]

00:50:03   here's the thing that you're not taking [TS]

00:50:05   into consideration which is that and as [TS]

00:50:08   soon as she understands what's happening [TS]

00:50:10   she's going to run out of the theater [TS]

00:50:12   it's going to be a terrible experience [TS]

00:50:13   right but what you are doing as a [TS]

00:50:16   teenage boy is creating something that [TS]

00:50:20   you will revisit sort of like Ted Bundy [TS]

00:50:22   I get it you may email ad into a vest [TS]

00:50:26   this is where the Coney Island horniness [TS]

00:50:27   comes in new guys because you're looking [TS]

00:50:29   for something like to use this word i [TS]

00:50:31   think it's an ugly old word but you want [TS]

00:50:33   something that is perverse your it's the [TS]

00:50:36   same not dissimilar from guys who like [TS]

00:50:39   to expose themselves there are guys you [TS]

00:50:41   on the subway and a guy with his dick [TS]

00:50:43   out on the train like why would you do [TS]

00:50:44   that [TS]

00:50:45   like why do you have to masturbate right [TS]

00:50:46   now well he's actually he's he's back [TS]

00:50:48   and up some imagery is part of it right [TS]

00:50:50   he likes the shock of somebody seeing [TS]

00:50:52   his Johnson on the train because you're [TS]

00:50:55   ready to relay this album by the way [TS]

00:50:56   Johnson on the train but in this case [TS]

00:50:58   it's like someone came ride out on the [TS]

00:51:03   trail no good and the shock in the eyes [TS]

00:51:06   the shocking the eyes was so surprised [TS]

00:51:09   I've I told you I told you write about [TS]

00:51:11   about the guy that I was sitting at my [TS]

00:51:13   newsstand [TS]

00:51:14   you better not you better not be [TS]

00:51:15   changing the subject away from the dick [TS]

00:51:17   corn no I'm not alright i was so staying [TS]

00:51:19   at the newsstand in my old job at the [TS]

00:51:21   knees [TS]

00:51:21   i sat on a slightly raised platform [TS]

00:51:23   behind the cash register and read [TS]

00:51:25   magazines about like a quilt thing and [TS]

00:51:29   model training and foreign affairs and I [TS]

00:51:33   was sitting up there the cash she was [TS]

00:51:35   not a busy day people were there was [TS]

00:51:36   somebody over here reading vice make her [TS]

00:51:38   nose pre-prepared they were reading and [TS]

00:51:40   might bite might might buy all that [TS]

00:51:43   might buy in computer magazine [TS]

00:51:45   what was the prio 2600 the hacker Megan [TS]

00:51:48   what was the what was the premix weenies [TS]

00:51:51   one night I was that might but the [TS]

00:51:54   daybreakers one that was really good [TS]

00:51:55   night on that long ago that was a great [TS]

00:51:57   why don't you want riffic the one where [TS]

00:51:58   they said that what was it not corey [TS]

00:52:01   feldman but they started the rumor that [TS]

00:52:03   somebody died [TS]

00:52:04   somebody died sunday night it wasn't [TS]

00:52:06   corey feldman it was like oh it's Donna [TS]

00:52:08   Donna Donna Gabbana boot Luce Danny [TS]

00:52:10   Bonaduce ug Danny Bonaduce view and at [TS]

00:52:14   each issue was so lovingly designed like [TS]

00:52:18   the layout was gorgeous [TS]

00:52:20   I should have had a subscription but I [TS]

00:52:21   didn't because I worked in a magazine I [TS]

00:52:23   learned my lesson I learned my lesson [TS]

00:52:24   three different times with Harper's yeah [TS]

00:52:26   with the Atlantic my problem is I soon [TS]

00:52:28   as I get the subscription [TS]

00:52:29   by the time the next issue arrives I'm [TS]

00:52:31   not interested whereas if I have to go [TS]

00:52:33   to the newsstand and buy enjoy it a lot [TS]

00:52:35   more [TS]

00:52:36   yeah I think you're right i think you I [TS]

00:52:37   agree and that was part of the business [TS]

00:52:39   model of having a new state so you're on [TS]

00:52:41   the stand so I'm sitting there [TS]

00:52:42   understand i'm reading a magazine [TS]

00:52:43   yeah the guy walks in walks up to the [TS]

00:52:46   stand he says can I ask you a question [TS]

00:52:48   and I said yeah course that's what I'm [TS]

00:52:50   here for [TS]

00:52:51   I was pretty sarcastic working at the [TS]

00:52:52   newsstand sure kind of famously a guy [TS]

00:52:54   came in one time kind of in a hurry and [TS]

00:52:56   he was like you got the local paper here [TS]

00:52:58   and I looked up from the magazine i was [TS]

00:53:00   reading at the time and I said [TS]

00:53:02   very slowly what kind of a newsstand [TS]

00:53:05   would we be if we didn't have the local [TS]

00:53:08   paper and he said was his response he [TS]

00:53:12   said thanks for making me feel like an [TS]

00:53:14   asshole turn around stormed out and [TS]

00:53:19   about three years later i was involved [TS]

00:53:21   in a group of people who and I can talk [TS]

00:53:24   about this now but we would we would [TS]

00:53:27   dress all in black and climb up in the [TS]

00:53:30   middle of the night and deface [TS]

00:53:31   billboards [TS]

00:53:33   oh you're a culture jammer yeah what [TS]

00:53:35   culture jamming that's right we have [TS]

00:53:36   this whole thing where we would look at [TS]

00:53:38   billboard's a man we would print out a [TS]

00:53:41   new words in the same font and we would [TS]

00:53:45   get up and wheat paste so that the so [TS]

00:53:48   that the the like the heartbeat of [TS]

00:53:51   America Chevy the heartbeat of America [TS]

00:53:54   truck ad would say you know I have a [TS]

00:53:57   small penis [TS]

00:53:59   nice you know some real culture jam and [TS]

00:54:01   sure nobody's gonna see that coming [TS]

00:54:03   right so i was in a group of these [TS]

00:54:04   people and one of my fellow culture [TS]

00:54:06   jammers was talking to me and you know [TS]

00:54:09   we do we tried to use only code names [TS]

00:54:11   ah nice case we were busted but he was [TS]

00:54:14   like where do I know you from and i said [TS]

00:54:17   i work at the newsstand and he said oh [TS]

00:54:18   one time I went in there and and that [TS]

00:54:22   guy that works in the middle of the day [TS]

00:54:24   was like what kind of a newsstand we be [TS]

00:54:26   if we did a little paper and I was like [TS]

00:54:28   fuck you man and stormed out i never go [TS]

00:54:30   in that place anymore and I was like oh [TS]

00:54:32   shit that was me but I didn't say [TS]

00:54:33   anything [TS]

00:54:34   whoo boy that I know that guy he's a [TS]

00:54:36   real i was like you're gonna have to [TS]

00:54:37   give up a lot of yourself for the cause [TS]

00:54:39   and things like that [TS]

00:54:40   well that's the thing you know it's I [TS]

00:54:43   didn't want to say like yeah now you [TS]

00:54:45   know who i am i'm the midday guy we were [TS]

00:54:48   all wearing Paula Clavers or whatever [TS]

00:54:50   but anyway so this guy this and he says [TS]

00:54:55   do you have a do you have any magazines [TS]

00:54:59   about diapers and I kind of looked up [TS]

00:55:07   from my the magazine's readers like what [TS]

00:55:09   do you mean because we had a lot of [TS]

00:55:10   magazines about stuff right like well [TS]

00:55:14   I'm really [TS]

00:55:15   magazine store you go to let the craft [TS]

00:55:17   section and you're gonna find just like [TS]

00:55:18   a magazine about baskets yeah we have [TS]

00:55:20   four different magazines about being a [TS]

00:55:22   ham radio operator we had so many [TS]

00:55:24   magazines about baskets and figurines [TS]

00:55:27   and just every kind of thing and I'm [TS]

00:55:31   like huh [TS]

00:55:32   there's a magazine about diapers let me [TS]

00:55:33   think about that what would that be so [TS]

00:55:35   I'm like what is that everything is it a [TS]

00:55:37   parenting thing is that an environmental [TS]

00:55:39   thing I'm like tell me more and he's [TS]

00:55:40   like oh you know like like diapers like [TS]

00:55:43   a poopypants somewhere and I said [TS]

00:55:47   say what now and he said and he gets [TS]

00:55:50   this like he gets literally a [TS]

00:55:52   shit-eating grin on his face and he goes [TS]

00:55:54   poopy pants like poopy poopy diaper [TS]

00:55:58   diaper baby diaper baby and I was like [TS]

00:56:01   get the fuck out of my store and he's [TS]

00:56:04   just so proud of himself now I all he [TS]

00:56:08   said yeah he's quick to you he did and [TS]

00:56:11   he's about you know 30 years old and [TS]

00:56:14   he's and then as he as he backs up [TS]

00:56:16   he's not like turning and running he's [TS]

00:56:18   backing up from my thing and I'm [TS]

00:56:19   standing now like get out of here you [TS]

00:56:22   pervert and he's wearing diapers song [TS]

00:56:24   his pants you can see that his pants are [TS]

00:56:27   bulging from his diapers and he's like [TS]

00:56:29   poopy pants poop in style baby diaper [TS]

00:56:31   baby not like and I come around you know [TS]

00:56:34   now i'm down off my thing and I'm like [TS]

00:56:36   get out of here and you know and i'm [TS]

00:56:39   laughing right and he's laughing but he [TS]

00:56:41   is laughing because this is the most fun [TS]

00:56:44   he's had all day [TS]

00:56:45   he's a bad boy he is a very bad boy and [TS]

00:56:48   he's about to go get a spanking from [TS]

00:56:50   himself but this episode of Roderick on [TS]

00:56:54   the line is brought to you in part by [TS]

00:56:56   Casper to learn more about Casper right [TS]

00:56:58   now please visit Casper calm / [TS]

00:57:00   supertrain Casper is an online retailer [TS]

00:57:03   of premium mattresses that you can get [TS]

00:57:06   delivered to your door for a fraction of [TS]

00:57:08   the price that you'll find in stores [TS]

00:57:10   it's a new kind of hybrid mattress it [TS]

00:57:12   combines premium latex foam with memory [TS]

00:57:14   foam these two technologies come [TS]

00:57:16   together for a terrific night sleep it [TS]

00:57:18   is just the right sink and just the [TS]

00:57:20   right bounce it's an obsessively [TS]

00:57:23   engineered mattress at a shockingly fair [TS]

00:57:26   price now let's let's speak the truth [TS]

00:57:28   here people [TS]

00:57:29   retail mattresses can often cost well [TS]

00:57:31   over fifteen hundred dollars but casper [TS]

00:57:33   mattresses so affordable prices start at [TS]

00:57:35   five hundred dollars for a twin go all [TS]

00:57:37   the way up to [TS]

00:57:38   954 King going compare that to what you [TS]

00:57:40   can find in retail stores if you can [TS]

00:57:42   stand being in the store [TS]

00:57:44   let's be honest all casper mattresses [TS]

00:57:46   are made in America now honestly for me [TS]

00:57:50   to understand how Casper's different you [TS]

00:57:52   have to start by looking at how the [TS]

00:57:53   mattress racket has worked historically [TS]

00:57:55   i don't have time to go into this in [TS]

00:57:56   huge detail but i can tell you tell you [TS]

00:57:58   that on the handful of times that i have [TS]

00:58:00   gone into a mattress store i walked out [TS]

00:58:03   with a rictus of fear loathing the [TS]

00:58:05   experience that I had mattress industry [TS]

00:58:07   isn't for inherently force customers [TS]

00:58:09   independent or really high prices but [TS]

00:58:12   Casper is literally revolutionising the [TS]

00:58:14   mattress industry by cutting the cost of [TS]

00:58:16   dealing with those retailers and show [TS]

00:58:18   rose and they pass those savings [TS]

00:58:19   directly to you [TS]

00:58:21   the sleep desirous consumer now gasp [TS]

00:58:24   understand that buying a mattress online [TS]

00:58:25   this is a new thing oh we're living in [TS]

00:58:27   the future is the jetsons i can get a [TS]

00:58:28   bed on the internet might make you think [TS]

00:58:31   it's a little weird is it even possible [TS]

00:58:33   well let me tell your friends by a [TS]

00:58:35   casper mattresses completely risk-free [TS]

00:58:36   they offer free delivery and returns [TS]

00:58:40   within a 100 day period that means you [TS]

00:58:42   can try out your Casper mattress for 100 [TS]

00:58:44   nights if you don't like it I'll come [TS]

00:58:46   pick it up lying on a bed for four [TS]

00:58:48   minutes and showroom has no correlation [TS]

00:58:50   to whether it's the right bed for you [TS]

00:58:52   that's Casper's razor can go look it up [TS]

00:58:56   I understand the importance of really [TS]

00:58:58   trying out the mattress that here's the [TS]

00:59:00   thing this mattress is shifting in a box [TS]

00:59:02   you can carry out the steps by yourself [TS]

00:59:03   you open it and your mattress just comes [TS]

00:59:05   to life everything you need right there [TS]

00:59:07   for a great night of sleep now listeners [TS]

00:59:09   of this show can get fifty dollar store [TS]

00:59:11   any mattress purchase by visiting Casper [TS]

00:59:13   calm / supertrain and using that very [TS]

00:59:15   special offer code supertrain fifty [TS]

00:59:18   dollars off that also shows your support [TS]

00:59:20   for the show and let's be honest it also [TS]

00:59:22   will support your back for wonderful [TS]

00:59:23   sleep [TS]

00:59:24   that's a that's a freebie they can run [TS]

00:59:25   with that I'm just an idea guy got a [TS]

00:59:28   Casper dot-com / super trainer thanks to [TS]

00:59:30   Casper for all the great night sleep and [TS]

00:59:34   for supporting Roderick online she's [TS]

00:59:36   gonna think about this diaper baby [TS]

00:59:37   poopypants conversation for a month and [TS]

00:59:40   a half [TS]

00:59:40   he's gonna get himself something to cry [TS]

00:59:41   about [TS]

00:59:42   he might still be thinking about you [TS]

00:59:44   know and he just loved the idea that [TS]

00:59:46   like he was transgressing yes and this [TS]

00:59:51   is this is the whole dirtiness thing you [TS]

00:59:53   can look at the coney island harness as [TS]

00:59:55   you said which is that you [TS]

00:59:57   the fact that is like a dirty bad wrong [TS]

00:59:59   thing [TS]

00:59:59   thing [TS]

01:00:00   part of the sexy so I think you I mean [TS]

01:00:02   at length I though I think you scored [TS]

01:00:04   some points here for the side of penis [TS]

01:00:06   in the popcorn [TS]

01:00:07   well thank you can come out and look [TS]

01:00:10   really great has your dog bite you bet [TS]

01:00:13   your ass she does everything mean who [TS]

01:00:16   yeah except it would be in coney island [TS]

01:00:18   would be like purple but particularly [TS]

01:00:21   I'm you know using the pop problem take [TS]

01:00:24   it up there ok alright so you're so I I [TS]

01:00:27   knew you so the you sound like you feel [TS]

01:00:29   like the air in my logic is i'm assuming [TS]

01:00:30   that this boy was a legitimate handjob [TS]

01:00:33   yeah he's not trying to get off right [TS]

01:00:35   then he's trying to get off later it's [TS]

01:00:37   gonna be at best a glancing blow [TS]

01:00:39   yeah and she was also you ever get [TS]

01:00:40   popcorn stuck in your teeth you don't [TS]

01:00:42   think about the underside of his [TS]

01:00:43   Colonels feels like you want that on [TS]

01:00:44   your glands but you weren't for that [TS]

01:00:46   every American you don't even you don't [TS]

01:00:47   even care no so but I'm wondering now [TS]

01:00:51   that you would you don't know you [TS]

01:00:52   brought this up whether the never nudes [TS]

01:00:55   actually there's something dirty about [TS]

01:00:58   it for them at least I never show my [TS]

01:01:01   self and so therefore like I'm the one [TS]

01:01:06   that's a little bit transgressive wow oh [TS]

01:01:10   do you think how couples are decoupled [TS]

01:01:13   do you think it is from other kinds of [TS]

01:01:16   sexy things like is it something where [TS]

01:01:18   they are like a on the bell curve they [TS]

01:01:21   are a 50th percentile American sex [TS]

01:01:24   person except for the fact that they [TS]

01:01:26   never take all the clothes off or is it [TS]

01:01:29   on the one hand are they are the super [TS]

01:01:30   prudish on this Emma and I thought maybe [TS]

01:01:31   I mean to digital about this [TS]

01:01:33   are they super prudish which is what it [TS]

01:01:34   kind of feels like it's easy take on [TS]

01:01:36   this or are they actually super fucking [TS]

01:01:38   weird and they've actually got like a [TS]

01:01:40   robot parts down there because that's [TS]

01:01:41   the thing i don't know you people are so [TS]

01:01:44   weird people are real [TS]

01:01:45   the thing is and the more you learn it [TS]

01:01:47   doesn't get better you know that's what [TS]

01:01:50   you all as soon as you think you [TS]

01:01:51   understand people you will find that [TS]

01:01:53   there's already a community people that [TS]

01:01:55   you did that you know don't understand [TS]

01:01:56   even more [TS]

01:01:57   yeah yeah and they but but but it feels [TS]

01:02:00   like there are certain subcultures where [TS]

01:02:02   everyone it within that subculture does [TS]

01:02:05   not recognize that they are part of a [TS]

01:02:06   subculture like they every one of them [TS]

01:02:09   is a rogue agent [TS]

01:02:11   you know like never nudes by definition [TS]

01:02:13   are probably not going to publicize that [TS]

01:02:16   fact about them [TS]

01:02:17   yeah just thinking that like you really [TS]

01:02:18   think about like what's normal and [TS]

01:02:20   what's not a lot of stuff that's not [TS]

01:02:21   normal is because you can become [TS]

01:02:23   perversity anna karenina you can become [TS]

01:02:25   perverse in your own way because you're [TS]

01:02:27   doing it in solitude you're finding some [TS]

01:02:28   special thing that makes this is extra [TS]

01:02:30   special dirty thing that's just your [TS]

01:02:32   spin on it or if you dig in a room with [TS]

01:02:34   a lot of garden-variety perversity [TS]

01:02:35   Michael what's wrong with this guy [TS]

01:02:36   yeah like I think they're probably [TS]

01:02:38   remember your fucking the corned beef [TS]

01:02:40   wrong [TS]

01:02:41   yes exactly right if you I mean so for [TS]

01:02:44   instance like here's I'm thinking now [TS]

01:02:46   I'm trying to put my myself into the [TS]

01:02:48   mindset of never help [TS]

01:02:50   ok alright we want to go too far we're [TS]

01:02:51   gonna get to know people ain't it like [TS]

01:02:53   liver cutlets and stuff like what you [TS]

01:02:55   would like for instance i would think [TS]

01:02:57   I'll get a union suit and then i will so [TS]

01:03:03   the union suit right there is plenty of [TS]

01:03:05   excuse because you're going to you know [TS]

01:03:08   if your if your partner is not down or [TS]

01:03:12   is just sort of tolerating never [TS]

01:03:14   nudeness a union suit would would allow [TS]

01:03:17   you to say like oh I can't sorry i can't [TS]

01:03:19   take it off because it's one single [TS]

01:03:21   garment know but it's got a flap like a [TS]

01:03:23   cartoon got a flap right and you could [TS]

01:03:25   have you could you could like that but [TS]

01:03:27   things not a problem [TS]

01:03:29   well or you could you could arrange a [TS]

01:03:30   front flap so they're going to be [TS]

01:03:33   they're gonna get you never knew that [TS]

01:03:34   have that have sex specific garments [TS]

01:03:38   yeah and then they're going to be others [TS]

01:03:40   that are like you know that are slapping [TS]

01:03:42   the hand away i mean i don't i don't [TS]

01:03:44   know exactly how each person would do it [TS]

01:03:46   but I do feel like it's a thing that [TS]

01:03:47   that now that we're talking about it if [TS]

01:03:49   there are any never news listening to [TS]

01:03:51   the program which almost certainly there [TS]

01:03:52   are the conventional statistically would [TS]

01:03:55   have to come on yeah they can feel like [TS]

01:03:56   oh i'm a member of a of a of over [TS]

01:03:59   existing subculture and maybe I should [TS]

01:04:01   go online and try and meet up with some [TS]

01:04:03   other never nude or at least connect [TS]

01:04:05   with them on on a usenet group [TS]

01:04:08   well I I don't mean to be honest I want [TS]

01:04:11   to prove apologize i don't need to be [TS]

01:04:13   whatever normative heteronormative new [TS]

01:04:16   normative I'm not trying to shame [TS]

01:04:17   anybody I just thought that was a joke [TS]

01:04:19   from arrested development [TS]

01:04:20   I didn't know that that was a real thing [TS]

01:04:21   yeah well you know night [TS]

01:04:24   badly about it the only reason I know [TS]

01:04:25   about it is that I know never-nude you [TS]

01:04:28   do not [TS]

01:04:29   yes i do it boy no oh she's a shy [TS]

01:04:33   Michigan she down to clown [TS]

01:04:36   she says she's she I think that in her [TS]

01:04:40   description of herself she would say [TS]

01:04:42   that shyness was a factor but in the [TS]

01:04:45   rest of life she is no buddies Patsy em [TS]

01:04:50   like she's a that's that's a saucy gal [TS]

01:04:52   yeah she's a deal driving uh you know [TS]

01:04:55   she's at the wheel [TS]

01:04:57   you know what I'm saying is that right [TS]

01:04:58   but she's just like you know what long [TS]

01:05:00   time ago i just decided that I would but [TS]

01:05:03   nobody was ever gonna see me so never [TS]

01:05:05   nude and I was like that's a strong [TS]

01:05:09   stand and now it has set in motion this [TS]

01:05:14   clockwork if you will this deus ex [TS]

01:05:18   mashina who is another great Smith's [TS]

01:05:21   album where I'm where I'm trying to like [TS]

01:05:25   get put it all together like what's [TS]

01:05:27   sounds this trying to trying to get into [TS]

01:05:30   a birthday suit situation is it has the [TS]

01:05:32   challenge [TS]

01:05:33   well no no I'm not saying that I am [TS]

01:05:35   trying to put it together with her [TS]

01:05:37   I'm just trying to put it together in my [TS]

01:05:38   mind I say because I feel like if you [TS]

01:05:41   encounter a never-nude and you're like [TS]

01:05:42   oh this is a challenge for me and that's [TS]

01:05:44   kind of gross [TS]

01:05:45   yeah you're gonna die trying to trick a [TS]

01:05:47   vegetarian and eating meat that's that's [TS]

01:05:49   not that's not cool that's not it's like [TS]

01:05:51   putting acid in somebody's a like a red [TS]

01:05:55   flavored gatorade haha right not cool [TS]

01:05:59   yeah did you ever so you were never dost [TS]

01:06:02   who that i know of all right is that [TS]

01:06:07   right [TS]

01:06:07   um putting on the table here um do you [TS]

01:06:11   want to go back to when you a when you [TS]

01:06:14   were starting out wait what point did [TS]

01:06:16   the lights come on and I know that sure [TS]

01:06:18   but I was actually thinking of going [TS]

01:06:19   back to butter but let us set that aside [TS]

01:06:21   for now [TS]

01:06:22   um ah yes but it two are related [TS]

01:06:25   sure can be yeah you learn a lot you [TS]

01:06:28   learn you and learn about a lot of [TS]

01:06:29   things that seemed like a good idea but [TS]

01:06:30   don't end up being a good idea i'm gonna [TS]

01:06:32   put butter on the list [TS]

01:06:33   I'm gonna put the the product vaseline [TS]

01:06:35   on the list yeah hand cream [TS]

01:06:37   Shh it seems like such a good ideas but [TS]

01:06:40   it's not see and we I think we disagree [TS]

01:06:43   on this I feel the same way about [TS]

01:06:43   intercourse in water like there are [TS]

01:06:45   people like the growing up in the late [TS]

01:06:48   seventies becoming a penis aware in the [TS]

01:06:50   late seventies and early that's what we [TS]

01:06:52   called it then I became uh I saw so many [TS]

01:06:55   images of people having intercourse in [TS]

01:06:57   water now I saw the whole like you get [TS]

01:06:59   such a boob and water that seemed pretty [TS]

01:07:00   cool and then you so much intercourse in [TS]

01:07:03   water or underwater and it becomes like [TS]

01:07:05   a whole thing it's like a girl sits in [TS]

01:07:07   quicksand all over again and it doesn't [TS]

01:07:09   work [TS]

01:07:10   yes with my first lady paramore at one [TS]

01:07:12   point we will you know when we were [TS]

01:07:15   doing these sorts of things we tried and [TS]

01:07:17   i found it extremely difficult [TS]

01:07:18   yeah no it'sit's connection when I don't [TS]

01:07:21   want to be unkind here but to the point [TS]

01:07:23   where people who act like that is a [TS]

01:07:25   normal thing that people do all the time [TS]

01:07:26   I think maybe you haven't actually done [TS]

01:07:28   it because it's not actually that [TS]

01:07:29   Pleasant right well there are a couple [TS]

01:07:30   of types that do work [TS]

01:07:32   one of them is the from here to eternity [TS]

01:07:33   style where you are in the you're right [TS]

01:07:37   at the tideline right so the waves are [TS]

01:07:40   and also wash she seems pretty into it i [TS]

01:07:43   think you would have some assistive [TS]

01:07:44   technologies about biology was youwell [TS]

01:07:46   for sure but also like as the tide comes [TS]

01:07:49   let's say the tide is coming in who has [TS]

01:07:51   the tide is coming in and you're [TS]

01:07:52   spending more time underwater you just [TS]

01:07:54   screwed up the beach right that's what's [TS]

01:07:57   happened in print from here to eternity [TS]

01:07:59   as they're like going at it on the beach [TS]

01:08:01   in the surf you know right the camera [TS]

01:08:03   pans away but they're not underwater [TS]

01:08:05   they're getting their underwater for a [TS]

01:08:07   second i'm talking about being like in a [TS]

01:08:09   hot tub or inhibit that's impossible you [TS]

01:08:11   can't help but that's what people that's [TS]

01:08:13   what I was sold when we tried it we were [TS]

01:08:15   both like this is not fun it's a lot of [TS]

01:08:17   work [TS]

01:08:18   sold a bill of goods on a lot of ways oh [TS]

01:08:20   there's so much out there but the other [TS]

01:08:22   thing about an easy topic alone was easy [TS]

01:08:25   to talk to the job on me is that right [TS]

01:08:27   because yeah I get it you decided you [TS]

01:08:29   were gonna be a sharp-dressed man and it [TS]

01:08:30   turned out that that nobody can grow up [TS]

01:08:33   here [TS]

01:08:33   uh-huh well I thought you I thought you [TS]

01:08:35   had a tuxedo on and some white gloves [TS]

01:08:37   you were like parking cars and then all [TS]

01:08:39   of a sudden one out where you you had [TS]

01:08:43   the white gloves on and you like sharp [TS]

01:08:44   dressed man I'm so interested in [TS]

01:08:45   watching pole dancers trying shoes [TS]

01:08:47   this is weird [TS]

01:08:49   I know that the thing about having sex [TS]

01:08:51   in a hot tub or the swimming pool is [TS]

01:08:53   that there's always a step right there [TS]

01:08:56   is a step in the hot tub there's a step [TS]

01:08:58   on this one [TS]

01:08:58   that's true just raise up out of the [TS]

01:09:01   water just enough so that the area of [TS]

01:09:03   contact disability is good for everybody [TS]

01:09:06   John it's right so it's just right out [TS]

01:09:08   of the water and you can both be in the [TS]

01:09:10   hot tub but not in the hot tub if you [TS]

01:09:13   know [TS]

01:09:14   oh you're seeing you are you open the [TS]

01:09:16   pod bay door before you I see what [TS]

01:09:18   you're saying okay alright okay that [TS]

01:09:20   makes sense that makes sense don't you [TS]

01:09:23   know that's not how they show it like [TS]

01:09:25   certainly not in a in a PG or even [TS]

01:09:28   r-rated film em so they have no no the [TS]

01:09:31   whole point is you're underwater the [TS]

01:09:32   whole time and I'm saying I'm your head [TS]

01:09:34   is above water but all the all the other [TS]

01:09:37   business papers are are below the [TS]

01:09:38   surface that's not gonna work your nice [TS]

01:09:40   fish don't get out of what they get [TS]

01:09:42   selfish to up problem we have so much [TS]

01:09:49   more to talk about all right let's go [TS]

01:09:51   let's let's let's get off of this so to [TS]

01:09:55   speak to keep going [TS]

01:09:56   yeah no such a photo and having sex in a [TS]

01:10:01   hot tub know my daughter made her first [TS]

01:10:02   crazy while the other day what is crazy [TS]

01:10:05   wall a crazy wall is any scene in a [TS]

01:10:07   movie or TV show where somebody has put [TS]

01:10:10   a whole bunch of documents and usually [TS]

01:10:12   photographs on the wall and then often [TS]

01:10:14   connected them using yarn [TS]

01:10:16   oh I see oh hello hello crazy wall [TS]

01:10:19   yeah uh it seems like there is some [TS]

01:10:22   first [TS]

01:10:23   that's weird supernatural hello I'm [TS]

01:10:26   starting to really dig in here [TS]

01:10:27   yeah there's a lot going on on this [TS]

01:10:29   crazy wall is a really good cartoon [TS]

01:10:31   shows she likes that features elements [TS]

01:10:33   of the Illuminati so now she has started [TS]

01:10:35   not only researching the Illuminati on [TS]

01:10:37   the ipad but she has now made her first [TS]

01:10:39   crazy wall in her bedroom having all [TS]

01:10:42   these things go together i will ever [TS]

01:10:44   love with the ? she's got she's got [TS]

01:10:49   several like a cyclops triangles all [TS]

01:10:54   wearing top hats his name is name is [TS]

01:10:56   bill cipher and he's a character on this [TS]

01:10:58   TV show yeah and he's at one point he [TS]

01:11:00   sort of in a Masonic [TS]

01:11:02   simple circle for each one of those [TS]

01:11:04   points on the circle represents a [TS]

01:11:06   character on the show ink and a strange [TS]

01:11:09   to me that there's a pentagram there it [TS]

01:11:11   seems like there would be some there [TS]

01:11:13   will be some moms and dads that that [TS]

01:11:15   accepted the llama and accepted the [TS]

01:11:19   sharp stuff you should know flying [TS]

01:11:22   rachel starr that's yeah that's from [TS]

01:11:24   that's from Mabel's shirt that the pine [TS]

01:11:26   tree is Mabel and dipper pines are the [TS]

01:11:28   two kids and that's the pine tree that [TS]

01:11:30   dipper has on his hat but what that that [TS]

01:11:33   that start with the rainbow is actually [TS]

01:11:35   from from like on bom bom-bom yeah like [TS]

01:11:39   what what is that thing things the more [TS]

01:11:41   you know the more you know there [TS]

01:11:43   yeah but then so she's got it she's got [TS]

01:11:45   her string going to all these different [TS]

01:11:46   things including lots of like little [TS]

01:11:48   thumb tacks that aren't connected to [TS]

01:11:51   things or there was something there [TS]

01:11:53   first i think for a first draft this is [TS]

01:11:55   pretty good and then they all kind of [TS]

01:11:57   yeah are pointing to this piece of paper [TS]

01:11:59   with just a red yeah ? yeah and thats a [TS]

01:12:03   picture of a photo of a statue of him [TS]

01:12:05   that was found somewhere that's a real [TS]

01:12:08   thing [TS]

01:12:08   supposedly supposedly supposedly [TS]

01:12:10   supposedly so that you have so is this [TS]

01:12:15   on display in her room yeah the cat the [TS]

01:12:18   cat plays with the string is pretty cute [TS]

01:12:19   have you been telling her about the [TS]

01:12:21   Illuminati I haven't I think this is one [TS]

01:12:26   of those things like religion [TS]

01:12:28   I'm not for or against it but I'm super [TS]

01:12:30   glad to know the research is being done [TS]

01:12:32   you know saying doesn't promise if i go [TS]

01:12:35   to her and I said she says the jews to [TS]

01:12:36   their church on like yeah you go to [TS]

01:12:37   church i really love going to church it [TS]

01:12:39   was very very important [TS]

01:12:41   up until the age of about fourteen for [TS]

01:12:43   me i was really big enough to answer any [TS]

01:12:45   questions you want about what I don't [TS]

01:12:46   want to say is this is this or that is [TS]

01:12:49   that where you know II a Wikipedia or [TS]

01:12:53   yeah I didn't think the picture of her [TS]

01:12:55   Amelia Earhart report where she put on [TS]

01:12:57   the wikipedia page [TS]

01:12:58   yeah yeah she's begun she's especially [TS]

01:13:00   big on finding shopkins on google but [TS]

01:13:02   yeah sure reading wikipedia entry was a [TS]

01:13:04   shopkin you mean shopkin the guy that [TS]

01:13:06   runs that strange restaurant in in [TS]

01:13:08   Manhattan thinking of the the moment [TS]

01:13:11   book The Fixer [TS]

01:13:13   no it's a horrible horrible horrible toy [TS]

01:13:17   that I'm sorry should be trigger warning [TS]

01:13:19   here for anybody who has children enjoy [TS]

01:13:20   shopkins it i feel like there should be [TS]

01:13:22   a trigger warning at the very top of the [TS]

01:13:24   show [TS]

01:13:24   ok I'll put something in that they'll [TS]

01:13:27   know if you're worried you'll know I [TS]

01:13:29   know it's a horrible horrible try you [TS]

01:13:31   need to keep your daughter away from [TS]

01:13:32   these things as moose toy it's shopkins [TS]

01:13:35   are self-referential toys about [TS]

01:13:39   consumption so you buy you buy like many [TS]

01:13:42   toys you buy it just to buy it but it's [TS]

01:13:44   also kind of like a it's not even a game [TS]

01:13:47   it's collecting shopping [TS]

01:13:49   yeah yeah but you know the thing is you [TS]

01:13:52   you grown but go ask anybody who's got a [TS]

01:13:54   kid between like three and nine shopkins [TS]

01:13:57   shopkins you know I have a kid between [TS]

01:13:59   three and nine know you could ask me [TS]

01:14:01   she's not three but she's between three [TS]

01:14:04   and nine [TS]

01:14:05   she's no issue 3 years old so you're [TS]

01:14:07   saying that she's still too young to be [TS]

01:14:08   three she's about a year-and-a-half old [TS]

01:14:10   she she was a year-and-a-half old now [TS]

01:14:14   three-and-a-half years ago [TS]

01:14:16   you sure about that pretty sure I saw [TS]

01:14:19   this morning like a little respect with [TS]

01:14:21   respect that's totally fucked up [TS]

01:14:22   incidentally she lost a tooth her first [TS]

01:14:25   20 I don't want to turn this into a [TS]

01:14:26   parenting podcast dad and we talked for [TS]

01:14:29   several days about what our familiar [TS]

01:14:33   relationship to the Tooth Fairy was [TS]

01:14:34   going to be and she was letting [TS]

01:14:36   interested she was like does the Tooth [TS]

01:14:38   Fairy no Santa and I was like I think so [TS]

01:14:41   i could surprise you went with the the [TS]

01:14:44   Santa that doesn't seem like a little [TS]

01:14:46   off brand for you [TS]

01:14:47   well but we're not we haven't completely [TS]

01:14:48   we haven't are arrived at an agreement [TS]

01:14:52   you got a non-denial denial between the [TS]

01:14:54   two of us like she asks questions about [TS]

01:14:56   Santa and I answer them sometimes and [TS]

01:15:00   early in universe [TS]

01:15:01   yeah I like that wikipedia they that for [TS]

01:15:04   a while these to say like what the part [TS]

01:15:06   you're about to read is about an [TS]

01:15:07   in-universe explanation they stopped [TS]

01:15:09   doing that and then just hold it like a [TS]

01:15:10   story I I definitely feel like if you're [TS]

01:15:13   gonna say Tooth Fairy Easter Bunny Santa [TS]

01:15:15   Claus they have to be in the same [TS]

01:15:18   universe [TS]

01:15:19   alright that has good point complainer [TS]

01:15:20   has to be continuity and if you see if [TS]

01:15:24   you see a boom mic up [TS]

01:15:26   you're in one of those stories nothing [TS]

01:15:28   you know that boom mic it better be [TS]

01:15:30   everyone you don't know the boom mic in [TS]

01:15:31   the scene is that's right so you she's [TS]

01:15:34   like she's got these questions how does [TS]

01:15:36   the Tooth Fairy get into the house since [TS]

01:15:38   anybody share Intel you have to imagine [TS]

01:15:39   that all of the magical gifting [TS]

01:15:42   creatures share Intel is unlike the best [TS]

01:15:45   ways to deal with like home security [TS]

01:15:46   systems and that was her conclusion I [TS]

01:15:49   didn't say anything about she was like [TS]

01:15:51   so do you think the Tooth Fairy and [TS]

01:15:53   Santa like both know she said I know how [TS]

01:15:57   Santa gets in [TS]

01:15:58   ok do you think the Tooth Fairy knows do [TS]

01:16:01   they share that information and i said [TS]

01:16:03   here's all I'll say about the tooth [TS]

01:16:05   there i think that when a child loses a [TS]

01:16:08   tooth the tooth fairy becomes aware of [TS]

01:16:11   it and that and that becomes a thing on [TS]

01:16:14   the tooth fairy's mind oh interesting [TS]

01:16:16   now until the tooth goes under the the [TS]

01:16:20   pillow right [TS]

01:16:21   the tooth fairy is mostly powerless [TS]

01:16:24   because not powerless but the Tooth [TS]

01:16:27   Fairy is aware and it's kind of like a [TS]

01:16:29   it's like an like a pea under her [TS]

01:16:32   mattress and so she's thinking about it [TS]

01:16:36   but if you don't put it under the pillow [TS]

01:16:38   then you you have not you not made you [TS]

01:16:41   not solidified the contract with her [TS]

01:16:44   we took it we took it even further which [TS]

01:16:46   was really mean [TS]

01:16:48   which is that the 23 can even know about [TS]

01:16:50   it till it under your pillow and [TS]

01:16:51   importantly until you've been asleep for [TS]

01:16:54   an hour to sleep [TS]

01:16:55   the the fair doesn't find out about it [TS]

01:16:57   is that you with me on this i am a i'm [TS]

01:17:03   just like Bruce Lee says you don't hit [TS]

01:17:05   the board had two inches behind the [TS]

01:17:07   board so I'm trying to I'm trying to [TS]

01:17:09   like put together the differences [TS]

01:17:11   between your and my like a sense of [TS]

01:17:17   contract like I'm trying to I'm trying [TS]

01:17:20   to to get into her mind [TS]

01:17:22   uh-huh the supernatural world is aware [TS]

01:17:26   of things [TS]

01:17:27   oh interesting because when I was [TS]

01:17:28   standing going to know if you're good or [TS]

01:17:30   bad but there should be a plausible [TS]

01:17:31   explanation that that seems logical [TS]

01:17:34   yeah right i mean that Santa doesn't [TS]

01:17:36   show up on your in your house and make [TS]

01:17:37   an independent determination of whether [TS]

01:17:39   you've been good [TS]

01:17:40   added that boy you know you're not gonna [TS]

01:17:41   pull like the the whole like a wizard [TS]

01:17:43   did it thing you're trying to get past [TS]

01:17:45   like simple magic [TS]

01:17:48   yeah magic can explain anything Santa's [TS]

01:17:50   in the North Pole he's compiling toys [TS]

01:17:52   he's basing those decisions on whether [TS]

01:17:55   you've been good or bad [TS]

01:17:56   yes so he has pre-knowledge ok and so [TS]

01:17:58   that's the best also be true of the [TS]

01:18:00   tooth fairy [TS]

01:18:01   she's got a note that i would seem to me [TS]

01:18:03   in the 23 universe that when the tooth [TS]

01:18:05   comes out that's the like being that on [TS]

01:18:08   her switchboard a light goes on and [TS]

01:18:11   she's like two things out [TS]

01:18:12   uh-huh but then there's this pregnant [TS]

01:18:14   pause and some kids get it right under [TS]

01:18:16   the pillow that night in my daughter's [TS]

01:18:18   case she kept that tooth out for five [TS]

01:18:23   days she been turned it over in your [TS]

01:18:26   hands is very little tooth showed it to [TS]

01:18:28   everybody thought about it quite a bit [TS]

01:18:29   and then her grandfather said you know [TS]

01:18:33   if you put it under your pillow the [TS]

01:18:35   Tooth Fairy brings you a silver dollar [TS]

01:18:36   boy which she immediately began calling [TS]

01:18:40   the silver d and she was like so if i [TS]

01:18:46   put this under the pillow i'm going to [TS]

01:18:48   get a silver d I was like you're going [TS]

01:18:51   to get your yes you're going to get a [TS]

01:18:52   silver do now you're on the hook for [TS]

01:18:53   silver d well so last night [TS]

01:18:57   she's like I'm ready it's going under [TS]

01:18:59   the pillow tonight and I'm gonna get a [TS]

01:19:02   silver d oh yes honey [TS]

01:19:06   so she put it on the pillow and just so [TS]

01:19:08   happens that I have a briefcase full of [TS]

01:19:10   various silver tease [TS]

01:19:12   some of them are just your normal ones [TS]

01:19:15   right you're Eisenhower's yeah and your [TS]

01:19:18   your sacagawea's m0r kennedy at one [TS]

01:19:21   point that's a half-dollar after sorry [TS]

01:19:23   and and you're Susan bees and hasn't [TS]

01:19:29   wait is it to be your second Julia well [TS]

01:19:32   both the second one really suffers from [TS]

01:19:34   a poor carving job because they want to [TS]

01:19:37   get her face on and that's no way that's [TS]

01:19:39   no way to carve a coin [TS]

01:19:40   well she's also got the pupusas got a [TS]

01:19:42   purpose yeah and susan b she's very [TS]

01:19:45   ferocious-looking she's not very [TS]

01:19:46   friendly [TS]

01:19:47   that's not a friendly pick and i'll take [TS]

01:19:49   no junk but I eisenhower dollars are [TS]

01:19:51   hard to get [TS]

01:19:52   get your hands on it [TS]

01:19:53   more and then i also have like Morgan [TS]

01:19:57   Dollars and peace dollars Morgan Dollars [TS]

01:20:01   have quite a few more JPMorgan on it [TS]

01:20:04   no it has a it has like Liberty on it [TS]

01:20:07   but call Morgan Dollars because I think [TS]

01:20:09   Morgan JPMorgan probably handle them [TS]

01:20:12   I even have a dollar a US dollar a coin [TS]

01:20:17   from 1856 wow it's a very small coin [TS]

01:20:22   anyway so I'm going through my briefcase [TS]

01:20:25   of of of silver DS and I'm trying to [TS]

01:20:29   decide which one of these silver DS [TS]

01:20:31   meets her like is the fantasy silver d [TS]

01:20:34   in her mind because when somebody says [TS]

01:20:37   silver d to me AI think it's made of [TS]

01:20:40   silver [TS]

01:20:41   uh-huh it's going to get a different [TS]

01:20:42   sound you drop it on the table it sounds [TS]

01:20:43   really different [TS]

01:20:44   Clank right but a morgan silver dollar [TS]

01:20:47   is worth like fifty dollars either she's [TS]

01:20:49   not ready for that [TS]

01:20:50   no and an Eisenhower dollar like what if [TS]

01:20:53   she takes that in and tries to buy a [TS]

01:20:55   candy bar with it the person working at [TS]

01:20:56   the stores and be like what the hell [TS]

01:20:58   this that probably they have never seen [TS]

01:21:00   assume its Pokemon that's right they [TS]

01:21:03   think like catch em all catch mall get [TS]

01:21:05   training anyway so she goes for just [TS]

01:21:08   fall in this [TS]

01:21:09   well I'm think i'm looking through the [TS]

01:21:10   silver DS like what's a brother going to [TS]

01:21:12   do here and I decided on a susan b and [TS]

01:21:18   the reason is in 1979 when they were [TS]

01:21:20   introducing the susan b anthony dollars [TS]

01:21:23   everybody thought because this was the [TS]

01:21:25   first silver dollar [TS]

01:21:27   well so the Eisenhower silver dollar [TS]

01:21:28   nobody use because it was too big [TS]

01:21:30   this was silver dollar that the u.s. [TS]

01:21:32   mint was it was really big lead i would [TS]

01:21:34   get one of those as a kid fella could [TS]

01:21:36   practically feel my hand an Eisenhower [TS]

01:21:38   dollar yeah there because of others big [TS]

01:21:40   as a pie plate who so they're [TS]

01:21:42   introducing the susan b and the mint is [TS]

01:21:46   weight forward banking hmm on the idea [TS]

01:21:51   that everybody's going to use these [TS]

01:21:53   things and so they they meant in 1970 [TS]

01:21:57   let's make them really close in size to [TS]

01:21:59   a quarter [TS]

01:21:59   let's make it look just like they look [TS]

01:22:01   they look like a fraudulent quarter [TS]

01:22:04   that's right and they feel like a [TS]

01:22:05   quarter if you reach into your pocket [TS]

01:22:07   and Tramp plot a quarter or Susan be [TS]

01:22:09   happy or not you can tell me it really [TS]

01:22:11   is just slightly larger and what's crazy [TS]

01:22:13   is that the English pound coin and the [TS]

01:22:16   Spanish 100 beseda coin are smaller but [TS]

01:22:21   thicker so you reach in your pocket [TS]

01:22:23   planner one pound coin it feels like a [TS]

01:22:26   pound [TS]

01:22:26   because it's because it's like got some [TS]

01:22:29   weight [TS]

01:22:30   it feels thick you know but it's smaller [TS]

01:22:33   and the US Mint I don't know how they [TS]

01:22:36   failed to if they had made susan b [TS]

01:22:37   anthony dollars that felt like little [TS]

01:22:39   hockey pucks he would still be using but [TS]

01:22:43   so they came they minted millions and [TS]

01:22:46   millions and millions of the susan b [TS]

01:22:48   anthony dollars and the only way that [TS]

01:22:51   they got used was when they came out [TS]

01:22:53   everybody said this is a collectible all [TS]

01:22:56   right and everybody grabbed as many of [TS]

01:22:58   them as they could and put him in a sack [TS]

01:23:00   somewhere because they were sure it was [TS]

01:23:02   like that's good for your currency [TS]

01:23:03   system to have a lot of stuff not in [TS]

01:23:05   circulation [TS]

01:23:05   exactly Oh talking about penny someday [TS]

01:23:08   and the problem is every single 1979 [TS]

01:23:12   susan b anthony dollar is worth [TS]

01:23:13   precisely one dollar because it's still [TS]

01:23:16   legal tender face value but there's I [TS]

01:23:19   mean there are a few that have certain [TS]

01:23:21   mint marks or certain you know there are [TS]

01:23:23   some that are rarer another I like you [TS]

01:23:26   get an upside-down Denver or something [TS]

01:23:27   yeah but that but Denver the Denver Mint [TS]

01:23:30   is exactly the one that made millions [TS]

01:23:33   and millions of these so if you have a [TS]

01:23:34   1979 susan b anthony dollar without a de [TS]

01:23:37   who is also verde it that's right silver [TS]

01:23:40   tea so I have some of these not because [TS]

01:23:43   I ever fell for this dumb thing but [TS]

01:23:46   because my dad are collected a bunch of [TS]

01:23:51   susan b anthony dollars that he was sure [TS]

01:23:53   we're going to be worth money someday [TS]

01:23:55   and then I ended up with a like a a poke [TS]

01:23:59   let's call it a poker huh of Susan Susan [TS]

01:24:01   be silver DS and so we gotta focus [TS]

01:24:07   cookies cookies so I figure a through [TS]

01:24:11   her baby teeth i got enough silver DS to [TS]

01:24:14   cover the the debt and if that's what [TS]

01:24:17   she thinks the silver d is because of [TS]

01:24:18   pocahontas dollar courses [TS]

01:24:20   silver now it's horrible it's a ugly [TS]

01:24:22   color it's nothing it's Pocahontas it's [TS]

01:24:25   just it's not fun to look at I mean to [TS]

01:24:27   me like a u.s. American Quarter is like [TS]

01:24:30   the classic coin like I love the way [TS]

01:24:32   Washington looks on the corner I always [TS]

01:24:35   have and like but you know with the the [TS]

01:24:38   you know this is a famous thing in women [TS]

01:24:40   what's the word look for engraving [TS]

01:24:41   there's a reason everybody's done in [TS]

01:24:43   profile on coins because a profile you [TS]

01:24:46   only have so much depth to a coin you [TS]

01:24:48   cannot get the depth of a full-on face [TS]

01:24:51   in a way that looks realistic with that [TS]

01:24:53   amount of thickness so that's why they [TS]

01:24:55   always do a silhouette but they couldn't [TS]

01:24:56   get the boose going to get the Poussin [TS]

01:24:58   there too [TS]

01:24:59   interesting i never thought about that [TS]

01:25:01   mr. all this arrest this is that anybody [TS]

01:25:03   can read about this i'm pretty sure this [TS]

01:25:04   is the case is that that's why they do [TS]

01:25:06   so like a repeating myself but a [TS]

01:25:08   silhouette you can get there's enough to [TS]

01:25:10   show like oh these persons like sunken [TS]

01:25:12   cheeks or this kind of chin that reads [TS]

01:25:14   much better than you would and that's [TS]

01:25:16   why everybody's face looks so smashed on [TS]

01:25:19   the corner that's what that's like that [TS]

01:25:21   you are with two people on it not right [TS]

01:25:24   or I can't think of another coin it's [TS]

01:25:26   got two people on maybe there are some [TS]

01:25:28   Roman coins where want where the where [TS]

01:25:30   Caesar is vanquishing somebody but I [TS]

01:25:32   don't even think there are i mean i [TS]

01:25:34   think that's trade-ins column if you [TS]

01:25:36   want something like that you're gonna go [TS]

01:25:37   with a column rather coin who but that's [TS]

01:25:41   a but you know that's on so it's [TS]

01:25:43   silhouettes silhouettes silhouettes [TS]

01:25:44   silhouettes on the corner pretty some [TS]

01:25:47   yeah that is nice its 1951 an important [TS]

01:25:50   day yesterday [TS]

01:25:51   what happened I don't I think we've [TS]

01:25:54   already done too much just to spoil this [TS]

01:25:56   for kids that might be listening so but [TS]

01:25:58   i'll just thought just saying broad term [TS]

01:25:59   some we do sometimes get tweets from 15 [TS]

01:26:02   right now I know well they be safe but [TS]

01:26:04   yesterday was a very very important day [TS]

01:26:07   with a sundae july seventeenth she noted [TS]

01:26:13   for the evergreen miss of the show she [TS]

01:26:15   knows no yep she revealed we've known [TS]

01:26:18   for about a year that this was coming [TS]

01:26:21   we knew that we were just hanging on by [TS]

01:26:22   a thread but yesterday my daughter the [TS]

01:26:25   Illuminati conspiracy theorist who has [TS]

01:26:27   in the past uh cause my wife and I to [TS]

01:26:31   provide handwriting samples the cheek [TS]

01:26:33   compare against the Easter Bunny [TS]

01:26:34   yesterday she laid out in extreme detail [TS]

01:26:37   her entire case for the Santa problem [TS]

01:26:43   whoa and this is happening in July this [TS]

01:26:45   is this is auntie christmas in july but [TS]

01:26:47   you have to believe that came up the way [TS]

01:26:49   they came up is that I had purchased a [TS]

01:26:51   new can opener and the hand can opener [TS]

01:26:54   and can opener is on the cardboard tie [TS]

01:26:57   down with those little annoying plastic [TS]

01:26:59   ties and of course anytime we get a [TS]

01:27:01   product in the house with anything [TS]

01:27:02   annoying in the packaging my daughter is [TS]

01:27:06   inclined to bring up the very famous [TS]

01:27:09   Christmas of 2010 the Christmas of 2010 [TS]

01:27:12   i remember as being possibly the [TS]

01:27:15   greatest Christmas that has ever [TS]

01:27:16   Christmas how old was she in two [TS]

01:27:18   thousand she was three and it was a [TS]

01:27:24   pretty good year uh and you know we have [TS]

01:27:26   lots to do that year so and we really [TS]

01:27:28   wanted her to have you know parents are [TS]

01:27:29   strict on NASA's greatest she got was [TS]

01:27:32   the greatest Christmas ever she got a [TS]

01:27:34   really cool ikea kitchen I can make some [TS]

01:27:36   nice kitchen [TS]

01:27:37   yeah it's not expensive not costly it's [TS]

01:27:40   a nice kitchen she got a lot of really [TS]

01:27:41   really great stuff she gotta think she [TS]

01:27:44   got a really cool dollhouse I remember [TS]

01:27:46   the night before my wife and I watching [TS]

01:27:48   Goldfinger and putting so much stuff [TS]

01:27:50   together and watching Goldfinger don't [TS]

01:27:52   forget that but but the important part [TS]

01:27:54   of the story is 2010 is the year of toy [TS]

01:27:56   story that summer we got into toy story [TS]

01:27:59   right around the time that toy story 3 [TS]

01:28:01   came out those three movies were on [TS]

01:28:03   constant repeat at our house like twice [TS]

01:28:05   a day and we were all have their amazing [TS]

01:28:07   movies there's such great movies at the [TS]

01:28:09   moment but let me just in represent your [TS]

01:28:11   toy story one a good movie [TS]

01:28:14   it is a good movie and especially for is [TS]

01:28:18   a lot of asteroids for its time it's I [TS]

01:28:21   mean what do you say i mean it's it's an [TS]

01:28:23   incredible achievement the achievement [TS]

01:28:26   of which story-wise is greatly surpassed [TS]

01:28:28   in toy story 2 times recently restored [TS]

01:28:30   to is a better film into a story one [TS]

01:28:32   it's a much better film because i've [TS]

01:28:34   only seen toy story 3 0 that is a film [TS]

01:28:38   that is I feel like my rosebud [TS]

01:28:41   it's rough it's really rough your story [TS]

01:28:44   too [TS]

01:28:45   yeah it's it to 32 is more [TS]

01:28:46   subtle it's really awfully good but so [TS]

01:28:49   for that Christmas remember this would [TS]

01:28:50   be the greatest Christmas ever [TS]

01:28:51   she got but like you know you can buy [TS]

01:28:54   like different like nice nas's of toys [TS]

01:28:56   like you can get like this little junior [TS]

01:28:58   version she had a little buzz lightyear [TS]

01:29:00   that wasn't even didn't the joints [TS]

01:29:02   didn't move huh [TS]

01:29:04   she not only got a really nice woody she [TS]

01:29:08   got a really nice buzz she god she gotta [TS]

01:29:12   realize but don't make it weird [TS]

01:29:15   god I'm getting a nice woody and the [TS]

01:29:18   thing is a i know you probably a lot of [TS]

01:29:21   dumb toys for your kid but don't always [TS]

01:29:23   for your kid unless you get the Amazon [TS]

01:29:25   frustration-free packaging what you [TS]

01:29:26   could pretty much he promised to 50 in [TS]

01:29:28   its anything that has a clear window on [TS]

01:29:30   the front for viewing [TS]

01:29:31   yeah it's gonna take an hour to get out [TS]

01:29:33   IC and this is this happens in the [TS]

01:29:35   collectibles world but especially with [TS]

01:29:36   kids toys so buzz lightyear was rubber [TS]

01:29:40   banded and wired wired into this package [TS]

01:29:45   and the way that they do this i imagine [TS]

01:29:46   little hands somewhere in Indonesia do [TS]

01:29:48   this there's a way that they use imagine [TS]

01:29:49   a bread tie but a lot thicker and it's [TS]

01:29:52   doubled over is turned a couple times [TS]

01:29:55   one way and then a couple times the [TS]

01:29:57   other way and there's like there was [TS]

01:29:59   like 30 of these you don't want both let [TS]

01:30:02   you two get out because it was comes to [TS]

01:30:05   actually comes up into straight to it's [TS]

01:30:06   pretty funny but all the point is [TS]

01:30:08   greatest Christmas ever [TS]

01:30:10   what she remembers this is how i came up [TS]

01:30:12   yesterday issues looking at the can [TS]

01:30:13   opener and a little cardboard things [TS]

01:30:15   said remember that Christmas I'm like [TS]

01:30:17   yes honey i remember that Christmas hit [TS]

01:30:19   you said the f-word I didn't know what [TS]

01:30:22   it meant then but that was the day you [TS]

01:30:24   said the f-word whoa she remember and [TS]

01:30:27   that's how santa came up funny funny [TS]

01:30:28   funny story though is that you come up a [TS]

01:30:30   lot with the effort the first time that [TS]

01:30:31   she remembers hearing the f-word in [TS]

01:30:33   knowing what it was from you how you're [TS]

01:30:35   in our house [TS]

01:30:36   no I didn't say the f-word in the [TS]

01:30:37   bathroom the door wouldn't close and I [TS]

01:30:40   said well yes I do remember that and I [TS]

01:30:42   said the f-word [TS]

01:30:43   show know what you know we-we've we both [TS]

01:30:47   said the f word I said you know far too [TS]

01:30:49   maybe sure if I could flabbergast I'm [TS]

01:30:52   not just mad no no I guess not but she [TS]

01:30:54   remembers it well and then yesterday [TS]

01:30:56   chapter 4 she laid it all down [TS]

01:30:59   why was going to the same wrapping paper [TS]

01:31:02   in this place [TS]

01:31:04   oh how come i found a photo on your [TS]

01:31:07   phone of this thing okay [TS]

01:31:09   oh i just realized that my TP came from [TS]

01:31:13   the land of nod and a little sand is not [TS]

01:31:15   going to the Land of Nod catalog noho [TS]

01:31:19   well I hate to be this guy although you [TS]

01:31:24   know of course I don't hate to be this [TS]

01:31:25   guy everybody that says I hate to be [TS]

01:31:26   this guy's actually like very proud of [TS]

01:31:28   being that guy [TS]

01:31:29   oh it's not people who say i hate to [TS]

01:31:31   correct you but i hate to correct you [TS]

01:31:33   don't hate to correct my little correct [TS]

01:31:34   me when I was a kid right my mom would [TS]

01:31:37   spend that whole evening of Christmas [TS]

01:31:40   Eve you know not just putting together [TS]

01:31:42   the the dollhouse is getting potatoes [TS]

01:31:47   out of the larger she's taking a [TS]

01:31:48   hands-off the chickens that's right but [TS]

01:31:50   she would unwrap the presence that [TS]

01:31:53   needed to be unwrapped so if it was a it [TS]

01:31:58   was a if it was a present where the [TS]

01:32:00   where the box only needed to be decanted [TS]

01:32:02   from original packaging that's right if [TS]

01:32:04   you need it if you're not gonna be able [TS]

01:32:05   to play with this doll until you spend [TS]

01:32:08   16 minutes fighting the packaging or if [TS]

01:32:11   you can't play with this thing until it [TS]

01:32:13   is built [TS]

01:32:14   I get build it it's like when you go to [TS]

01:32:17   a nice restaurant I mean cooking a [TS]

01:32:18   lobster is really not hard it's getting [TS]

01:32:21   the meat out of the lobster that's hard [TS]

01:32:22   right you put a butthole lobster on the [TS]

01:32:25   plate in front of you like this Gordon [TS]

01:32:26   Ramsay says you don't have too much food [TS]

01:32:28   waste you got to learn how to get all [TS]

01:32:29   the knuckles out you got to get the legs [TS]

01:32:31   out [TS]

01:32:31   it's a lot of your mom was basically [TS]

01:32:32   cleaning lobster for you she's cleaning [TS]

01:32:34   a lobster that's her number one game [TS]

01:32:36   mine so I have become a lobster cleaner [TS]

01:32:38   and so it's not like it's not like she [TS]

01:32:42   gets a lot of this kind of present but [TS]

01:32:44   the kind of present that comes in the [TS]

01:32:45   packaging i know that there's not gonna [TS]

01:32:47   be so oh my god the other day someone [TS]

01:32:50   gave her a vintage doll from the [TS]

01:32:55   nineteen seventies called stay [TS]

01:32:56   r & star is a Barbie style doll but [TS]

01:33:01   she's like a typical highschool girl she [TS]

01:33:03   has friends there's a whole star [TS]

01:33:06   universe where they're like in a band [TS]

01:33:09   and they have a yearbook and stars like [TS]

01:33:13   a cool girl she's like the cheerleader [TS]

01:33:15   but she's also artistic and her [TS]

01:33:18   boyfriend is a guitar player but he's [TS]

01:33:20   also like a football player like they [TS]

01:33:23   really crammed a lot of backstory into [TS]

01:33:25   star and her friends and somebody I [TS]

01:33:28   don't even know who is this just [TS]

01:33:30   appeared in my world all the sudden gave [TS]

01:33:32   her star in the original packaging with [TS]

01:33:36   her little shoes and her little [TS]

01:33:38   hairbrush and it was all still in the [TS]

01:33:39   box and I didn't I wasn't there for this [TS]

01:33:43   so if i had been because of my proximity [TS]

01:33:48   to nerd culture I i'm afraid i would [TS]

01:33:52   have grabbed this star out of her hands [TS]

01:33:54   and be like that huh [TS]

01:33:56   hang on honey this might be a form of [TS]

01:33:58   the college someday [TS]

01:33:59   let's take a look at this stardoll and [TS]

01:34:01   let's go on ebay and figure out what [TS]

01:34:03   start with stars all about it because [TS]

01:34:05   it's very important that we not take it [TS]

01:34:06   all original packaging that of course [TS]

01:34:11   somebody handed her this this stalled [TS]

01:34:13   are stardoll horse called are stalled [TS]

01:34:17   are now before stuff up [TS]

01:34:22   are we gonna kill this tall dar me move [TS]

01:34:25   it's just like should want p'raps the [TS]

01:34:28   she grabs this thing and that's called r [TS]

01:34:32   is really ripped apart the boxes just [TS]

01:34:35   she dreaded it's all just strewn I don't [TS]

01:34:40   know so much value lost like tears in [TS]

01:34:43   rain but here's the thing i go online i [TS]

01:34:45   go onto ebay and I'm like oh I don't [TS]

01:34:47   even want to know like what is up into [TS]

01:34:49   twitter because I I point when you get [TS]

01:34:51   arrested are today I remember stalled [TS]

01:34:53   ours at the time I vaguely remember them [TS]

01:34:55   I'm googling them and i can't find much [TS]

01:34:57   as a modern stalled are but i can't find [TS]

01:34:59   the vintage one also type in vintage [TS]

01:35:01   stalled are [TS]

01:35:02   but so unoriginal one of these in [TS]

01:35:06   original packaging like sixty dollars [TS]

01:35:08   fifty dollars is not nothing that i [TS]

01:35:10   would be willing to take this thing out [TS]

01:35:12   of my kids hand yeah sure [TS]

01:35:13   and so she's playing with star and she's [TS]

01:35:16   loving it and I'm like you know like [TS]

01:35:18   vaya con Dios camera and your little [TS]

01:35:20   yearbook in your beer your comb and your [TS]

01:35:23   shoes are already lost and your yearbook [TS]

01:35:25   is shredded in crayon Dover and that is [TS]

01:35:27   how you were just this sounds like your [TS]

01:35:28   next song it again when would you say [TS]

01:35:33   we're gonna be a seat are all your comb [TS]

01:35:36   your comb is already lost your comb and [TS]

01:35:38   your shields are shoes already lost and [TS]

01:35:40   your little yearbook is torn apart [TS]

01:35:42   startled huh i but but I definitely I I [TS]

01:35:49   pursue that same idea with her new toys [TS]

01:35:52   which is like there is nothing we are [TS]

01:35:54   not participating in this collectible [TS]

01:35:56   culture if i buy this for you it is to [TS]

01:35:58   be destroyed [TS]

01:35:59   I want you to cut this doll's hair I [TS]

01:36:01   want you to draw on her face I want you [TS]

01:36:03   to chew on her and move on and let let [TS]

01:36:07   there be nothing left of this doll when [TS]

01:36:09   you are done playing with her so I take [TS]

01:36:11   it out of the packaging and I said it as [TS]

01:36:14   though she has entered the house under [TS]

01:36:16   her own power and sat down under the [TS]

01:36:18   tree and then d animated i'm sort of [TS]

01:36:22   like-- pris right like all the dolls in [TS]

01:36:25   the house are like are like Chris ready [TS]

01:36:27   to come alive and karate chop you can [TS]

01:36:30   grab a boiling egg [TS]

01:36:32   I you know but for now like they are [TS]

01:36:35   your they are your little friends [TS]

01:36:38   yeah I want I want her to enjoy and [TS]

01:36:42   treasurer things in a way that she [TS]

01:36:44   currently does not but I that whole like [TS]

01:36:47   keep this nice thing just for [TS]

01:36:48   collectability sake is is really a gross [TS]

01:36:52   conceit of old men [TS]

01:36:54   yeah when did you discover that santa [TS]

01:36:58   wasn't real spoiler [TS]

01:37:00   oh sorry sorry fifteen-year-olds i [TS]

01:37:03   listen to hold her yesterday we had an [TS]

01:37:06   amazing talk I I was I didn't cry but [TS]

01:37:09   like it was it really went well and we [TS]

01:37:12   let me just finish the the anecdote [TS]

01:37:14   basically we also then we went [TS]

01:37:16   something I've been preparing for for [TS]

01:37:17   years which is when this day comes gate [TS]

01:37:21   how she feels about it and and in this [TS]

01:37:23   revealed that she's known for a long [TS]

01:37:24   time I think she's been doing it for us [TS]

01:37:26   but she's fine with it i said well you [TS]

01:37:31   know now like there's a couple important [TS]

01:37:33   things so the first important thing it's [TS]

01:37:35   the same thing as Empire Strikes Back [TS]

01:37:38   it's really important now that you are [TS]

01:37:40   on this side of it don't be that kid [TS]

01:37:42   that's right so even if other kids ask [TS]

01:37:44   you about you don't tell them right [TS]

01:37:46   which brings us to part two which is now [TS]

01:37:48   you're in on the secret report will go [TS]

01:37:50   naughty welcome you're part of the your [TS]

01:37:53   welcome welcome to the scene just now [TS]

01:37:56   here's the thing here's the price is [TS]

01:37:57   gonna sound crazy to you is we want to [TS]

01:37:59   keep doing this in our household [TS]

01:38:00   oh yes and we and the thing is we need [TS]

01:38:03   your help so believe it or not as crazy [TS]

01:38:05   as this sounds you know what you know [TS]

01:38:06   the note with the with the weird [TS]

01:38:08   left-handed cursive handwriting his [TS]

01:38:10   daddy can't really write in cursive to [TS]

01:38:11   begin with [TS]

01:38:12   like you know what's crazy is going to [TS]

01:38:13   help us with that even those cookies are [TS]

01:38:15   for no one and that's why it's important [TS]

01:38:18   boom mic drop [TS]

01:38:19   wow I love that you know my mom and i [TS]

01:38:21   still give each other presents from [TS]

01:38:23   saying of course you do and that side [TS]

01:38:25   and the thing is she didn't blow a [TS]

01:38:26   gasket and freaked out and go this makes [TS]

01:38:28   no logical sense and I think she still [TS]

01:38:30   because she's a she's a eight-year-old [TS]

01:38:31   girl she's probably still gonna use this [TS]

01:38:33   as leverage when needed with other kids [TS]

01:38:36   up you know if you should bring a gun to [TS]

01:38:39   school you know today you tell me tell [TS]

01:38:41   the truth [TS]

01:38:42   yeah you bring the knowledge of Santa hi [TS]

01:38:44   it's kind of it's kind of a relief and [TS]

01:38:46   it's a super-duper relief that it went [TS]

01:38:48   well and there are lots of hugs when I [TS]

01:38:50   was no you're going to be teaching her [TS]

01:38:51   develop parallel park person teaching [TS]

01:38:54   people to parallel park [TS]

01:38:55   well just you got to get it in real fast [TS]

01:38:57   because there's going to be self-driving [TS]

01:38:58   cars but don't let me get started you [TS]

01:39:00   want to see you can see that back when [TS]

01:39:01   you can see the back bumper start [TS]

01:39:02   turning and don't turn a little turn [TS]

01:39:04   hard turn off turn harder than you think [TS]

01:39:06   our turn hard and waterlogging they're [TS]

01:39:08   all the way back and the thing is people [TS]

01:39:10   come to san francisco in there so [TS]

01:39:11   confused [TS]

01:39:12   this is the boot camp for parallel [TS]

01:39:13   parking because you're going to you [TS]

01:39:15   would be surprised you will be amazed [TS]

01:39:17   I'll tell you soldier you're not going [TS]

01:39:19   to believe what can fit into what once [TS]

01:39:20   you've benefits [TS]

01:39:21   ya what I'll say especially on the [TS]

01:39:24   castro but if you are only getting suits [TS]

01:39:26   square if you're on a hill and you're [TS]

01:39:28   trying to parallel park well first of [TS]

01:39:30   all do not let your tow pilot get out [TS]

01:39:32   and stand on the song come all and don't [TS]

01:39:35   just just put your balls in the popcorn [TS]

01:39:37   yeah if you need that then just stay in [TS]

01:39:38   your car just sit there to the district [TS]

01:39:42   just drive somewhere like sometimes like [TS]

01:39:44   fighter there parking [TS]

01:39:45   yeah right i learned about Santa right [TS]

01:39:49   when I was the same age I was eight [TS]

01:39:51   years old but I had a younger sibling so [TS]

01:39:54   I was brought into the fold and not just [TS]

01:39:57   like you have to be careful around other [TS]

01:39:59   kids but now our whole family is engaged [TS]

01:40:02   in a conspiracy to keep this secret from [TS]

01:40:05   the from the baby who is six years old [TS]

01:40:09   but i think that my sister my little [TS]

01:40:13   sister knew that Santa was faked a long [TS]

01:40:15   time before i did because she's very [TS]

01:40:16   practical person but then we were all [TS]

01:40:19   engaged in a conspiracy including my [TS]

01:40:22   little sister who was humoring us all to [TS]

01:40:25   continue to Santa Phi it so what would [TS]

01:40:28   you like an open secret open secret but [TS]

01:40:31   know anybody was out there a word for it [TS]

01:40:32   but it's something where like we all [TS]

01:40:34   know that what we're saying or it open [TS]

01:40:37   while i like but we're all agreeing to [TS]

01:40:39   act like this is different than how we [TS]

01:40:41   all actually no it is and we don't need [TS]

01:40:43   to talk about it [TS]

01:40:44   yeah it's like it's like the entire [TS]

01:40:45   country treated the bush administration [TS]

01:40:47   right like we all know that this person [TS]

01:40:50   let's get let's just get through this [TS]

01:40:51   yeah yeah and we all know that there's [TS]

01:40:53   no actual real threat to American we all [TS]

01:40:55   know that this is all a trumped-up thing [TS]

01:40:57   but each of us has a military base in [TS]

01:41:01   our congressional district and we do not [TS]

01:41:03   want that base closed because when are [TS]

01:41:05   we gonna sell Mustangs and selling [TS]

01:41:08   Mustangs big part of our economy you [TS]

01:41:11   know it turns out most mr. Corvettes but [TS]

01:41:14   by lieutenant Colonel's is that right [TS]

01:41:16   now sure I do not doubt that i think [TS]

01:41:17   most of most of the Dodge Challengers [TS]

01:41:21   and Mustangs mustang gts are sold to two [TS]

01:41:28   new recruits those are guys to put their [TS]

01:41:30   dick in the popcorn [TS]

01:41:31   ok think donuts dollars dollars dollars [TS]

01:41:34   to dames i'll bet you though [TS]

01:41:35   the kind of guys that were there were [TS]

01:41:36   pending in into their popcorn home [TS]

01:41:39   thank you for your service thank you [TS]

01:41:40   thank you [TS]

01:41:41   [Music] [TS]